#it technically still needs to be taken with a grain of salt

[nattikay]

gentle reminder that the A2 script pages that have been going around from the Blu-ray bonuses are from an old/outdated version of the script, and anything that isn't shown in the final film cannot automatically be considered canon, whether it's scene/dialogue changes, character details, lore details, etc.

Stuff gets changed and/or cut for a reason, be it because they didn't have time for it, decided to go in a different direction for the character/lore, decided the scene should be moved to a later movie, or anything else.

It's fun to see alternate versions of the story that could-have-been, and if you want to play with concepts based on the script in headcanon or fanfiction, feel free of course...but be very very cautious about considering any of it "canon" until/unless another source confirms it (such as how the Tsu'tey's Path comics confirm some of the A1 deleted scenes).

[satoruxx]

NORTHERN LIGHTS.

✧ PAIRING: kaeya alberich x fem!reader | 4.5k words

✧ SUMMARY: smut, p -> v, praise, fingering, lots of pining, angst, angsty bc it’s kaeya tbh lol, kaeya lore but it’s vague, also military themes bc sometimes we forget kaeya is a captain and i love the knights of favonius, he’s highkey got commitment issues but i think he’s valid, man is whipped tho, he's just an overthinker and traumatized, also can you tell i’m a med student?

✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: first i have to apologize bc this is SO late??? i got this request back for my 200 event, asking for kaeya with the song northern lights by kennie (which is such a good song). at first i was gonna make it a short little drabble, but the more i wrote, the more i wanted to make it a full fic, which is what ended up happening. kaeya's character has so much depth and i wanted to explore it hehe. northern lights is such a fitting song for him so i just had to go all in. but i'm so sorry that i got to your request so late, hopefully you still enjoy it lovely! (even tho it’s not the main focus in this fic, this is technically my first real smut fic so take it with a grain of salt; i don't think i write it that well LMAO)

it was rare to truly know your own weaknesses, but kaeya knew his a little too well. behind his carefree, unbothered exterior he cared a little too much. he cares a little too much when klee tugs on his fur cape and whines about a scolding she’s gotten from jean, and he ends up indulging her with whatever she’d like. he cares a little too much when rosaria spills just a tad more than usual during her drunken ramblings. he cares a little too much when he sees the discomfort in the face of certain fiery bartender as they speak, and he consistently lies awake and remembers days when that discomfort between them didn’t exist.

it’s a curse, he thinks, because he always ends up feeling too attached to people he knows he shouldn’t be attached to.

even now, his weakness is acting up as he barks orders to his soldiers. they scramble around him as they enter the city, carrying their wounded brethren to safety up at the cathedral. kaeya knows he shouldn’t blame himself but as their captain he feels like he should’ve seen this coming. new recruits wouldn’t be able to handle the hordes of monsters at daduapa gorge—he miscalculated.

“take them to the sisters at the cathedral. sister barbara and the others should be able to heal them,” kaeya commands, clasping one of the men’s shoulders and helping him up to the church. he’s ignoring the now dull throbbing in his side as blood stains his clothes—his soldiers were most important right now. like he said, he cared a little too much.

the nurses had set up a medical station at the cathedral, and in between all the commotion, kaeya’s finally able to hand over the groaning soldier to a nurse, who immediately gets to work.

he then takes a few steps back to assess the damage, grateful that all of his soldiers are getting the attention they needed. he’d hate himself if there were any losses today.

he doesn’t even realize that he’s now leaning against the wall, panting shallowly as blood continues to pour from his abdomen. oh well, he’d wait his turn—only after his soldiers were taken care of.

kaeya shuts his eyes, letting his body rest for a minute.

“you’re wounded.”

his eyes shoot open to see you standing in front of him. he assumes you’re not one of the nuns because your clothes are entirely different. you’re young, appearing to be around his age as you eye his torso critically.

“it appears so,” he answers.

“did someone take a look at you yet?”

“i’d prefer all my soldiers be taken care of first.”

your eyes flash with recognition. “so you’re captain kaeya?”

“indeed i am.” he lets his eyes roam over your concerned features.

you give him a small smile before continuing with a sigh. “i can safely tell you that all the wounded are being treated. i’m still an apprentice so i’m only here to deal with the non fatal injuries. like yours, captain.” you crouch down in front of him, fingers reaching towards his clothing with a silent question of permission. he lets his hand slacken as he gives you a nod and you attempt to peel back as many layers as you can to asses the damage before you’re motioning him towards a tent.

a few minutes later and kaeya is letting you strip his torso bare until you have a full view of his injury. your fingers brush over the wounded skin gently, and he wonders if you even touched him at all. “it’s long, but not too deep. a few stitches and you should be alright. if you’re okay with it, i’ll get started,” you tell him.

kaeya wants to tell you that he’s no stranger to the pain of injuries, but he finds something oddly refreshing about your comforting attitude, so he just says yes and lets you begin to work.

you thread through the skin with a delicate hand and despite the sting he honestly can’t even focus on it, choosing instead to analyze your features.

he realizes that you’re awfully pretty.

kaeya makes small talk with you as you work, partly to stay awake through the pain and mostly because he can’t stop his curiosity. he finds out your name, your hobbies, your goals. you may not have the most exciting life but kaeya thinks there’s something so alluring about you it makes him a little dizzy. he's not sure what it is, but he thinks about it the whole time you tend to his wound. realization hits when you finally finish, looking up at him with a smile, and kaeya realizes that your eyes hold the stars in them.

it’s hard to explain but when kaeya watches you work, nose scrunching in the dim lighting of the tent, he thinks you remind him of home.

(kaeya has chased the stars for as long as he can remember. he remembers shouting with diluc in the grass behind the winery, the two of them reaching for celestia because the stars up there were so undeniably pretty.

"we're never gonna get them!" diluc would laugh, trying hard to balance kaeya on his little shoulders. "they're too far…"

and kaeya only grins down at him toothily, raising his fists to the sky. "no way! i'll catch them one day!"

and yet his whole childhood went by without being able to capture the stars. as he grew older he started to learn that it was impossible to steal what the sky so selfishly held on to.

but even as an adult, kaeya knows to appreciate the stars when he gets the privilege to see them in the sky.

especially after he finally seems to find them in the dim glow of a medical tent.)

he hates to admit how often his eyes seek you out after that one encounter. sometimes he’ll see you at the cat's tail, giggling with your friends as you slam tcg cards down on the table triumphantly. other times he’ll catch a glimpse of you at good hunter, chewing on a quick meal as you browse through a book. almost every time he gets caught staring you only smile and offer him a little wave that sends his brain into a frenzy.

(maybe in another life kaeya would allow himself the luxury. he’d let himself go through the motions for you. let himself stress every time you threw a glance his way. work up the courage to ask you out on saturday afternoon. finally get the chance to press his lips to yours. trace your skin with nimble fingers and have the privilege to call you his.

in another life maybe.

but for now he’ll just keep you his own little secret—a guilty pleasure he’ll indulge in because it’s hard to rid an addiction, especially if you don’t have the will to rid it in the first place.)

kaeya’s messed up this summer. he knows it in his soul that he’s made the wrong decision as he watches you babble about something as you lean against his bare chest, still basking in your own afterglow.

he knows that he should have resisted the temptation. as soon as he and the troops got back and he saw you sitting in a secluded corner at angel’s share he knew that his feelings for you hadn’t dissolved.

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and kaeya only now knows this to be true because just the sight of you sends his mind into a frenzy. you could probably feel his gaze on you because you look up from the book you’re reading and make straight eye contact with him. for a second, he wants to turn away but then you smile at kaeya like you’ve never once forgotten him, and he’s putty. before he knows it, he’s buying you a drink and walking over to your little corner to make himself comfortable.

it’s a slow descent for him because in his head he knows he shouldn’t get too attached. he’ll leave again soon with the troops, and who knows maybe he’ll leave them behind one day too. his future has always looked so clouded to him, and he knows you belong in the sun. he’d like to leave you there in the light—avoid dragging you into his darkness.

so he tries to keep it simple, occasionally meeting you for a drink or catching up around the city. but then you’re showing him your favorite place to study near starfell lake and he’s showing you his favorite stars while laying on his back on starsnatch cliff. and he knows he can’t avoid it.

soon enough he’s giving into everything he said he wouldn’t, finally finding out what you taste like. finally knowing how his name sounds when it falls from your lips.

it's more addicting than he could've predicted, the feeling of your breath against his skin as you pant out his name. kaeya can't even bring himself to pull away from you to stop and think for a second. if he did then maybe he could slap some sense into himself and draw some distance because archons above he was digging himself deeper into this hole. but he can't, not when you're gripping his shoulders as he presses you against the wall of his bedroom, whining into his lips for all that he can give you.

and kaeya is nothing if not generous.

so he indulges both you and himself—the perfect mix of selfless and selfish as he guides you to his bed, nimble fingers loosening the ties of your clothing until you're bare in front of him. he can see the bashfulness settling into your cheeks and he almost feels like goading for just a minute, but he decides he'll be nice.

you've always deserved a nice guy anyway.

he tries to push that thought away, instead distracting himself with the heat of your body, his fingers dancing along your skin eagerly. maybe, just this one night, he can let it be about you two. he can afford to forget about all the old promises he's made—all the responsibilities and duties he devoted himself to a lifetime ago.

kaeya ignores the flush of heat crawling up his neck as he hovers over you, caging your body underneath his as you squirm in anticipation. he understands—the tightness in his pants is enough for him to feel the same. but he's not worried about that, not when his fingers part your thighs eagerly, brushing over heated skin and finding slick wetness there as he dips into your cunt. he hears the sharp intake of breath, the quiet restrained moan, and he preens. kaeya revels in the sounds he pulls from your lips as his fingers curl against your slick heat, your head lolling back against his pillows.

there's a possessive streak of something that cuts through him then—something that tells him how he aches to be the only one who gets to hear those sounds.

it makes him slightly sick.

kaeya realizes then—he's been quite stupid when it comes to you. he's kept the maelstrom of feelings brewing in his soul trapped under all his bravado, arrogant and cowardly all at once. he needs to tell you, needs to be honest because this isn't something he can trick his way out of.

but all he wants to do is run. run so far away from you because he doesn't want you to to get caught up in his own ruin. you're far too good for him, too sweet and carefree to be tainted by his sin-laden hands. he needs to run.

but he does none of that, not when he's guiding his fingers to the apex of your thighs and exploring territory he knows he shouldn't claim. because then you look at him with an expression so blissful—so thankful, relieved that he's giving you a part of himself he never wanted to—and he can't even be angry about it.

kaeya presses his lips to the swell of your chest, feeling the rapid thumping of your heart under your skin, and he shuts his eyes as he breathes out your name. you answer with a resounding mewl, catching his eyes even through the dark strands of his hair.

he then chooses to focus on pumping his fingers in and out of your cunt because archons do you look heavenly when your eyes roll back like that.

but it scares him, the way you leave him open and exposed and aching even when he doesn't want to be.

in his head you're perfect, all bright and glowing under him as you chant his name like he's some kind of savior. but kaeya isn't a savior—if anything he's destruction in human form, sent by the heavens to wreak havoc on those around him. he'd destroyed enough already—he doesn't think he can do it to you too.

but archons the way you're looking at him now, from under fluttering lashes and dewy eyes that shine even brighter when they're trained on him—begging, pleading, and oh so trusting of him and every thing he wants to give you. he can't even help himself.

"i know, sweet girl," he sighs, voice strained as you buck your hips just perfect—a temptress, sent to lead him to his doom. and yet he can't stop his fingers from pushing back your hair from your sweaty skin, knowing that he should be careful because he doesn't want to destroy something as fragile as this.

"kaeya please," your breath comes out in short desperate pants, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt and sliding it off his shoulders haphazardly.

"i know," he repeats, reaching down to heft your thigh over his waist as he slots his hips against your own, biting back a groan at the sensitive brush against his cock—throbbing, aching, needy.

"ah fuck," he's almost shy at the way his voice shakes as he lines his cock up, the heat and slickness of your cunt a teasing caress against his sensitive head. he drops his forehead against your shoulder, breathing heavily even before he's inside you because something about this makes him so incredibly nervous. a single desperate whine and the soft squeeze of your fingers into his biceps and he's stilling—breath catching, heart pounding.

for a moment, he doesn't even feel like himself. he's not anything, no one.

and then he slides in and kaeya knows that there will never be anything better—another experience that would feel this right in his life.

he pulls out a little, gaze lingering at the sweat beading at your forehead, and something in his chest stutters. "okay?" he traces your face for any hint of hesitation—of the nervousness that he feels in his gut, but all he finds is a stormy mix of desire and devotion.

"uh huh," reassurance, stability—everything he isn't. his brows pinch, eyes shutting because he doesn't want you to know.

he's pulled out of the whirlwind that is his thoughts when he feels your fingers on his cheek, brushing over his skin gently. his eyes snap open, and even through the haze he can feel himself relaxing under your touch, because the way you're looking at him is so undeniably loving and it makes his stomach flip.

"you okay?" you whisper, looking up at him carefully, and kaeya feels as though you've put him between the halves of a microscope slide to analyze him.

"i'm fine," he breathes out, not a lie but not the whole truth either. "don't worry."

his words do little to quell you, but one roll of his hips has your eyes fluttering, a choked moan escaping your throat, and the sound makes his pride sing.

there's an image then—hazy and yet so obvious as his brain registers it. the implications behind it makes his stomach churn.

quiet smiles, hazy kisses, soft goodbyes—and then the inevitable distance as he crosses over the border separating your world from his. a lone figure standing in the streets of mondstadt, always waiting for him to come back. always disappointed.

you buck your hips upward, blissfully unaware of the torrent of conflicting emotions in his head. kaeya's brain short-circuits, and then he's pushing back, a steady rhythm against your gummy walls that takes the breath out of your lungs. you savor every thrust, punctuated by the sharp grunts he lets out against your throat.

your fingers rake over his back, desperate and needy and focused on one thing only—kaeya, kaeya, kaeya.

"that's it sweetheart," he doesn't have any more control—not on his mind, his body, his mouth. they've all escaped his grasp, too spurred on by you and everything you're willing to offer him.

"'s okay…ah fuck…it's okay," kaeya groans into the column of your throat, not sure whether he's telling you or himself. the clench of your walls sends him spiraling, hips picking up the pace as he pistons his cock in and out—trying to find out just how far he can go.

then he hits one spot, and his vigilant gaze catches the way your jaw slackens, eyes glazing over even as they roll back and a shaky moan escapes your throat—surprised, unexpecting. his ego jumps.

an experimental roll of his hips against the same spot and you make a sound so unhinged that he finds himself already addicted to it. and to tease is in his nature.

"yeah? right there?" he drawls, masking his anxiousness with his bravado once again.

"right there," you whimper, nodding meekly as you grip his shoulders. he huffs out a soft laugh, pressing a gentle kiss to your eyelids like he's trying to kiss away the tears that have gathered there. you preen under his ministrations—it feels a little too domestic.

he understands. it scares him, but he understands. he wonders what the point of worrying is—wonders why he's letting his paranoid brain taint this moment that he'd been waiting for. the only solution left is to ignore it. because you're here, writhing underneath him in the throes of pleasure, vulnerable and trusting and just for him. he should give you what you deserve after all.

so kaeya pushes every other thought out of his head, only focused on you and making you feel good because that's what someone like you deserves—everything you desire laid at your feet.

he presses a chaste kiss to your mouth, paired with a languid roll of his hips as he quietly groans. "okay…." his voice comes out an octave lower, pushed down by the barely concealed need for you. "okay sweet girl. i've got you."

another searing kiss as he breathes through his nose, picking up the pace again as he slams his cock into the spot that makes you see stars. your moans get louder even as they remain muffled against his lips, and kaeya can't help but dig his fingers into the meat of your thigh, leaving behind finger shaped dents in the plushy skin.

a claim—possessive, desperate, selfish.

your kisses become sloppier as kaeya leads you closer to the edge, walls clenching around the length of him, tighter with every thrust he delivers. the chants of his name have become almost reverent, and kaeya thinks his name couldn't possibly sound more beautiful than in that moment. he wonders if he could be blessed to hear it for the remainder of his life, and the thought sends pure unadulterated need through him.

his hips stutter, red hot fire coursing through his chilled veins—building, climbing, overwhelming as every sense goes fuzzy with heat. his grunts become more irregular, in time with the reckless thrusts of his cock as your cunt tightens around him greedily.

his cock twitches as you suck him in eagerly, feeling every ridge and vein as he grunts and groans and tightens his hold on you—unyielding, unrelenting, selfish.

your eyes stay locked on his even as your orgasm rips through you, and kaeya sees celestia in them—brighter than ever before. your muscles spasm, clenching almost painfully as you tremble and writhe underneath him, and he follows you to the doorstep of nirvana with a throaty groan. his hips stutter, twitching and throbbing as he pants out a broken chorus of your name and every praise that doesn't do you justice.

then he drops his forehead against yours, watching your eyelids flutter—celestial stars dim. a soft brush of your lips against his.

your muscles go lax, every guard dropped just for him—trust he realizes, trust he doesn't deserve. he doesn't know how to tell you that.

because even after everything—when you're curled up against his chest, skin warm and dewy against his own, he does not think about how he adores the feeling of your hair brushing against his arm, nor does he focus on the soft tickle of your breathing washing over him. instead he thinks about how he's ruined it all, how he's dragged you into him, and how he needs to let you go before he destroys you completely.

at the end of the summer, kaeya tells you he can’t.

“what are you talking about?” you ask him, a light chuckle escaping your lips as you barely focus on his words. your nose is buried in some medical text, and kaeya thinks that the universe is punishing him now by making him repeat himself.

“us. we shouldn’t have…” he sighs, shoulders dropping. “i mean, we should stop…seeing each other.”

he can practically feel the way his words pull your attention and when he looks up he sees the way your grip on the book has slackened. there’s panic settling in your eyes, mixed with a bit of confusion. a conflicted emotion runs across your face and kaeya’s fingers itch to touch you. “w-why?”

it’s a simple question and he should have no problem answering it, but he struggles to get the words out, his throat constricting uncomfortably. “it was fine in the summer, when i was back here with the troops. but now i’ll have to leave and-“

“so what?” you question, turning in your seat to face him completely. his eyes drop to the shirt you’re wearing, his shirt, and he feels his heart squeezing.

“so-“ he gulps, head spinning as he tries to explain himself. he doesn’t even have a proper answer—he just knows that this is his only option. because there’s no way in hell he deserves this kind of comfort, this kind of happiness. “so i cant-“

“can’t what, kaeya?” you stress, voice going slightly higher and he only then sees the real fear in your expression.

he pauses, mulling over his words and the bitter taste they’re leaving in his mouth. he can feel the sting of your pleading stare, and he swallows hard. “can’t stay,” he finally answers, and he’s shocked at how miserable he sounds.

you look at him like he’s insane, and honestly he feels like he might be. you’re confused and rightfully so, because there are so many remnants of him left in your space, so clearly evident the impact he’s left on you.

“can’t or won’t?”

kaeya’s eyes snap up to yours, because the tremor in your voice sends a jolt of fear down to his stomach, churning and roiling until it makes him sick.

he regrets looking, because he can feel himself breaking then and there.

you’re looking at him with these shining eyes and he swears that he’s glimpses them again—the brightest stars he’s ever had the privilege of seeing. for a second he thinks the light of those stars might disappear because that’s what always happens. but they remain, glowing against the backdrop of your irises and he’s captivated all over again.

his plans to leave you in tears fly out the window then and there.

he’s reaching for your cheeks in less than a second, holding them delicately as he lets his thumbs brush over your teary lashes. there’s a reasonable bit of confusion in your face at his sudden change, but when he leans down to kiss you, you don’t protest, melting into him even though he’s so undeniably cold. kaeya doesn’t even realize he’s saying he loves you, choosing to murmur it against your lips because it’s not meant for anyone else to hear—just the two of you.

he remains there, in the quiet darkness of your room for the rest of the night, because he doesn’t want to leave your side even after he told himself he would.

and yes, he dreads tomorrow. he dreads tomorrow because he knows that he will have to choose between the comfortable home he’s found in you or the dark abyss that has swallowed his past.

he’s scared that the more he allows himself to fall into you, and the more he finds that your eyes are the ones that hold the stars of celestia, then the easier his choice will become.

he’s been chasing the stars for so long after all. now that he finally has them, why in teyvat would he let them go?

[junnopons]

a guide to writing your sp

Before we continue, I wanna remind everyone real quick that you don’t need a template to script. You don’t even need a script, subliminals, or whatever. This is just for people, including me, who want to script as their method and don’t know where to start. This doesn’t have to be used for scripting an sp specifically. Feel free to use this to script your ideal self or whatever your heart desires. Also, to answer some questions about manifesting a sp in general (feel free to skip this, as this is probably gonna be the longest part of the blog 😭)

Q) what point of view do I need to write my script in? A) there isn’t any specific rule for how you write your script, except the rules you give yourself. feel free to write it however you wish

Q) does this person need to be in my life currently in order for me to manifest them? A) not at all. whether you want to manifest your childhood bestie, a complete stranger you met only yesterday, or a rando that looks, acts, and feels just like your favorite fictional character. you are truly limitless in who and what you can manifest

Q) how long will it take? A) as long as you want! 1 day, 12 years, 38 hours, 3 minutes, whatever! It’s just like manifesting something smaller like food or a phone. Although, if you still have doubts about your manifestation coming to you at the time you want I’d recommend working on self concept or repeating affirmations. You don’t have to though, ofc

Q) what if my sp is taken/not interested/or something else? A) now, with the knowledge of this being a rather controversial topic in the community feel free to take my opinion with a grain of salt. I personally don’t like messing with people’s relationships or feelings for any sort of gain, so I’d take that situation as an opportunity to manifest an even better version of your sp. this way no one gets hurt in the situation and you and your past sp can live happily

Q) what if I’m manifesting a fictional character/someone like a fictional character? How will that work? A) now, see I can’t exactly tell you the specifics of how it works (because tbh I don’t really know the specifics,) but I like to think about manifesting a fictional sp in two ways. 1. There are about 8 billion people on this earth right now. One of those 8 billion people are bound to have exactly your requirements, no matter how detailed or how simple they are. 2. There are countless amounts of realities, and just like when you script for reality shifting when you manifest you are also technically shifting to a reality with your desires. So what makes manifesting an sp any different

Feel free to send asks about anything else concerning this topic, I’ll be very happy to answer. Although, please don’t be rude or spam. That’s such a vibe killer (and no one wants to be a vibe killer). And with that, let’s discuss the guide to writing your sp.

With writing an sp I like to imagine it as writing a wiki page of an official character (or writing an introduction to an original character of yours). The way you write it won’t make a difference, but I like writing mine with lots of details. Something like

name | age | sexuality | gender | zodiac | workplace/occupation | nationality | ethnicity | extra extra extra

Next comes the appearance part. Personally I like to make sure my appearance part is detailed to help with visualization. I also like to make my sps look somewhat close to known celebrities. That way when wanting to visualize them I can use various forms of media. For example, if you’re sp looks a lot like Felix form stray kids feel free to use edits of him to visualize. There are many ways of writing an sp’s physical description. Such as

“my sp looks like Felix from straykids with yuzuru hanyu’s body “ or “my sp has *very specific facial feature from one celebrity* with *another specific facial feature from another celebrity*” or simply write it like “my sp has brown dyed hair with emerald green eyes”

You can also leave this part blank like every other part of your script. The possibilities are endless.

Then, I like to go into the backstory and personality. I do it in the same group of paragraphs personally because I like to see how the backstory affects the person I’m writing about to make sure it’s pretty realistic. I like writing this part in 3rd person, but feel free to write it anyway you choose to. Also feel free to take this as seriously as you want to. For those, like me, who need a backstory idea or help with writing what characteristics your sp might have because of their experiences I recommend visiting the “one stop for writers” website.

After that, I like to get into one of the fun parts, my sp’s relationship with others. Whether it’s their relationship with their mother, the relationship with your friends, or the relationship with your family. Just don’t forget to write about yourself.

Personally I like writing my sp’s relationships something like this: “[Name] and their mother unfortunately do not get along that well, mainly due to *blah blah blah blah*” but ofc you can always make it less detailed too. Something like “Sp’s relationship with mother - neutral” will work just as good. Allow whatever’s up there to fill in the gaps for you

I don’t necessarily believe you have to script anything after that. I like adding more things such as personal style, how we meet, talents and skills, inspirations, etc,. But nothing on here or on the guide is mandatory. As long as you have a basic idea of how you want your sp to be you don’t need all of this. And so with that, I think it’s time for me to go. Do note that this blog with always be updated in case I find spelling mistakes or new information, but if you have any questions about this part or any part of the guide don’t be afraid to ask. With that, I’m logging off. Peace.

[justgallifreyanthings]

Sherman’s stance (and my reaction)

Loren Sherman (creator of Sherman’s Gallifreyan) and Sirkles (prolific Gallifreyan artist + friend of Sherman’s) posted a video a few hours ago where they talked about how to read the phrase on the new Screwdriver as well as how they feel about the BBC using Sherman’s Gallifreyan on an official prop.

Some key takeaways:

Loren noted that the use of Sherman’s Gallifreyan by the BBC does not make it canon. For it to be a canon system, the BBC needs to officially acknowledge that they are using Sherman’s Gallifreyan as the Gallifreyan on Doctor Who

Loren explained that the concept of Gallifreyan, and the concept of a circular language used by Time Lords, are owned by the BBC. Meanwhile, Loren Sherman’s system of writing, which many people call Gallifreyan, is free to use by anyone — including the BBC

Loren and Sirkles said that they aren’t offended by the BBC using the system, and in fact it’s very exciting to see the system being legitimized by being used by a show they really love and respect

It’s interesting to hear their reaction to it, and good to know Loren doesn’t feel like their toes have been stepped on. As the creator of the system, they sort of have the final say on who can use it and how, in my opinion. So if they’re giving the BBC the green light, then I’ll respect that.

I think they’ve also done a good job subtly making a distinction between the BBC using someone else’s system and the BBC canonizing a system of Gallifreyan — “canonize” here meaning to officially make a part of the Doctor Who IP. Until the BBC acknowledges that they are using Sherman’s Gallifreyan (and acknowledges Loren as the system’s creator by extension), the circles on their show, the screwdriver, and their merchandise are technically just random circles. The BBC can say these circles mean anything they want. And while this specific pattern of circles is now part of Doctor Who IP and thus protected by the copyright, any sort of “system” that could be used to ascribe meaning to the circles is NOT part of Doctor Who IP — including Sherman’s Gallifreyan. (I’m obviously not an intellectual property lawyer, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt, but this is my understanding.)

All that said, I’m still feeling a bit pessimistic about how this all shook out and what this means for the relationship between the BBC/DW showrunners and Gallifreyan artists. Regardless of the legality of using or nodding to Sherman’s Gallifreyan in an “official” capacity, I feel like it’s still….morally gray to use a fanmade system and hide behind a sort of “wink wink nudge nudge, real fans know the lore” attitude, while knowing that all the press and articles are going to think it was created by the BBC and won’t do the research to credit Loren Sherman. And especially when taken in tandem with how the BBC has explicitly stolen Gallifreyan fanart to use on the show before…. I don’t have a lot of faith in the BBC honoring the subtle distinction between them using Sherman’s Gallifreyan and then owning Sherman’s Gallifreyan.

We’ll see what this means for the future of DW and the future of the various fanmade Gallifreyan systems that exist! I’ll certainly be keeping a fearful eye on my Etsy store for the foreseeable future, but it’s been really lovely to see the community come together and get excited about this.

[the-final-sif]

Hello! I saw this TikTok, and most of it wasn’t worth anything, but in this screenshot, Amanda says that the evidence is “already in the courtroom” and is now documented, has it been long enough for that to happen? I don’t know timelines of court cases or anything, and all we know is that she went to the police.

Okay, so I'm going to respond to this to say a lot of things.

PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET CAN LIE TO YOU.

A tik tok from some random person claiming they spoke to Amanda and showing dms should be taken with a heavy grain of salt. Much like I am not willing to take Amanda's screen recordings at face value, I am not willing to take other people's screen recordings at face value.

With that understanding, let's assume that this tik tok is real for the sake of argument.

The person who sent these dms is an asshole. This is not acceptable behavior. If you don't trust Amanda or her claims, if you don't think she's offered sufficient evidence, that is your right to an opinion. She has made an extreme claim (sexting and nude photos exchanged), and has yet to provide proof for it (even if I do not think it is fair to dismiss her claims at this time without further evidence).

HOWEVER, just because you don't trust her claims, does NOT give anyone the right to harass her. If you're on the fence about believing someone's claims, it can be acceptable to politely and in a non-accusatory manner, message them to request more information. But the accusatory tone of those messages isn't helping anyone, and is entirely inappropriate. I strongly disapprove of people who sent harassing messages to Dream over this, and I strongly disapprove of anyone sending harassing messages to Amanda over this. We do not know which of them is in the wrong, and both parties deserve respect, a chance to make their case, and the benefit of the doubt.

Just treat people with respect.

Alright, all of that aside, let me get to your actual question: "the proof is in the court room now documented".

I don't know exactly when this was taken, but the answer is almost certainly not to my knowledge. The only think that I think she would've been able to do in this time period is go to the police, file a report, and maybe make a copy of the messages that she had (although I'm unclear on what she even said she had, because she said that Dream somehow deleted their chats? I'm still awaiting clarification on what she meant there). She might've downloaded a copy of her own snapchat history and provided that to the police, although AFAIK for any kind of criminal case, they would need to actually get logs from Snapchat itself to prevent any arguments about tampering.

Technically speaking, none of that is admitted into a courtroom. It's been recorded by police at best. There certainly hasn't been enough time for any evidence to have been gathered from other sources. As far as we know, there isn't even a court case or criminal charges or anything filed outside of maybe a police report.

That being said, I don't think that means that Amanda is lying per se. I think she was just trying to say she had filed a police report. It's easy to mix up those terms.

So basically, doesn't mean anything has changed. If the police report becomes public record, then we might get some clarity on what evidence she was able to provide and what her specific claims are. That's all assuming this screen recording is even accurate in the first place.

[cy-cyborg]

So, you're old, (no hate but it's true) so that must mean you were on the internet during the AOL days. Which websites are good to post fanfics too? I realise not everyone uses FFN, so should I also upload them to Tumblr? DA? Facebook? How did you start your internet career? Ao3 needs an invite >>

Lmao I'm not even 30 yet, damn 😂 (no offence taken btw, I did get a good laugh from that start to the question though)

While I was technically around then, my home town was a good 10-15yrs behind the rest of the world in regards to the internet, so we didn't get reliable/constant internet access at my house until I was in high school so I missed a lot of that era - and even when we did get it, it was expensive, so my sister and I were only allowed to use it occasionally.

I got my start on Deviantart, but I'm not sure if I can still recommend it - they got bought out a few years ago and have been... not great, ever since. The brought in a lot of changes which drove away pretty much all of the userbase outside of scammers, crypto-bros and AI "artists". I don't know how good they are for writers now but I can't imagine they're much better. I still log on and post occasionally but unless you have nostalgia for DeviantArt, I don't think it's worth it, not for new users. Inkblot might be a good alternative though - they specialise in art but do allow you to upload written works too! I never had any luck there but I know a few others who have, so it's worth checking out.

I'd also recommend against Facebook. I know there are writing communities there, but most of the ones I found were a much older demographic - the few that weren't were not exactly welcoming to anyone who wasn't a straight/cis, white, able-bodoed man. I also know facebook has policies that allow them to use your content without permission - probably not something you need to worry about for fanfiction since it's usually based on existing work but still worth being aware of.

I haven't done this myself, but my partner used to post fan fiction to Reddit for a bit and had some luck there - you just have to find the right subreddits for the fandom you want to create for. some are more active than others, but I know there's a fairly active community there if you know where to look. They can be pretty brutal though, so be prepared.

Honestly, outside of AO3, Tumblr and FFN seem to be the two big platforms today for fan fiction and related content. I'm pretty out of the loop though, I haven't been heavily involved in fandom communities in years so take all this with a grain of salt (if anyone has better advice please feel free to leave it). Honestly, since leaving Deviantart I've jumped around between a lot of different platforms, basically just throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what stuck lol. Tumblr, Mastodon and Tik Tok were the three where I got the most traction for my stuff, but Tumblr is the only one where my fandom-related stuff consistently gets any sort of traction.

Also is the Ao3 invite a new thing? I could have sworn I had an account but don't remeber getting an invite lol. Maybe I'm thinking of something else.... fuck I do sound old lmao

[queenburd]

I know technically that you’ve put a pause on repeat this story au BUT…I just got hit with a particular delicious thought…soooo the latest Stanley that Narrator is helping along when Stanley and Co come to get Narrator (pending nickname is Stanford for now) is a particular brand of stubbornness that can rival the other Stanleys - he’s petty, full of spite, and quite fecking done with this shite. It doesn’t help that his own narrator (Narraford) is equally spiteful of his wayward protagonist. (1/???)

(2/??) Building on ur post from before that mentioned the escape pod only fitting 2 ppl at a time, Stan somehow convinces Narraford to comply taking Stanford and freeing them. How? Weeeelll the thing is they both loved pushing each other’s buttons (lol). Stanfords whole deal is that he wasn’t happy with the freedom ending bc he wants to find out WHY the facility is built, who trapped him there, were his co-workers/memories real? And Narraford is fecking upset that his protagonist keeps going off the irrelevant path to try and find more answers, why can’t he just be happy escaping and finding freedom??? He doesn’t NEED to find out the mystery of the office, that’s not the point of the story Stanford!! (3/??) then what was the point? Stan asks, gently. Why write this ending for the protagonist if he doesn’t want it? And that stumps Narraford for a moment. For all his blustering about how perfect his Parable was, what was the point if the audience he wrote it for wasn’t too happy with it? Granted this should be taken with a grain of salt BUT this moment of reflection is just enough for Stan to continue - Stanford just wanted to solve the mystery. He wanted to know what the Parable is. That didn’t sound like someone who isn’t following the story out of spite, doesn’t it? (4/??) in fact he sounds pretty invested in the story! Stan concludes. (Meanwhile Stanford is trying his very best to not strangle - or at least slap a hand over the other’s mouth - bc that was true but he didn’t have to say it/sign it godammit!!!) and Narraford would hate to admit it but they both shared a hunger to know. That was one thing binding them together, for all of their animosity (fun fact: their fav ending is Countdown. Don’t judge me). Like, he still thinks his protagonist is a brat and Stanford hates Narrafords guts but the curiosity of a new ending has Narraford hooked, so in the end he reluctantly agrees to come with Stanford on the first escape pod flight (5/5) i have some other brain worms about them but long story short I went ‘wouldn’t it be funny if they disliked each other but didn’t want anyone else bc they’re at least familiar with each other’ and turned it into a prompt thing (that being said it is by no means of trying to write ur story!! I thought it would be fun to submit a Stanley lol)

(grouped these into one ask, made slightly more readable and added a lil bit of formatting)

no no this is great! and it's a really good read on a narrator and stanley relationship, in that they still NEED each other and dont want anybody else, which is such a fixed thing in the Parable. like all the other narrators we've struggled with so far either tried to really push the idea they DONT need stanley or they just abuse their connection to the point where that need is.... like, not the healthy choice.

it's REALLY HARD to convince a narrator to consider his protagonist's own needs and thoughts but honestly if anyone could do it, it would be Stan. I love him SO much.

and honestly I have no issue with you making the "last" stanley and narrator in the iteration hell, I had some ideas but they were pretty vague at best, mostly a matter of "the Narrator is going to VERY MUCH BE A POWERHOUSE at the point just to make this iteration realize he uh. should probably give them half a second to talk".

I also think theres a hilarity in finally giving this one the name Stanford, since he's endlessly curious and picking fights with beings much more powerful with him because he needs to know all the things. Alright Stanford Pines. we're making all these stanleys watch Gravity Falls later to point and laugh

thank u for giving me a boy. the boy is appreciated.

[helenvader]

23, 27, and 29 for the Get to Know Your Writer ask game, if you are interested in answering those.

Thanks for sharing this game. Love hearing about other writers' approaches.

Thanks for the ask! These were difficult, especially 23.

23.

Best writing advice for other writers?

I’d divide it into two categories. Personal and technical.

Also: I do not consider myself the ultimate authority on writing, so the technical part is to be taken with a grain of salt.

Personal:

PLEASE do not compare yourself to others. Admire other people’s work, but write like you. You are good, cast those doubts into a black hole!

If you are only beginning, do not be discouraged if you feel like your writing is not as good as you’d like. Most of us wrote crap when we started. It will get better! 

Do not be discouraged if you do not have many comments or kudos. My best story has very few, and while it can be frustrating, that is the story I wanted to write, and I wrote it the way I wanted, fully knowing it will never get popular.

Answer the people who commented on your fic. They are to be treasured like diamonds.

Some writers pull off writing a story/chapter in a couple of days, some might take several weeks/months. There is no better or worse. Take all the time you need.

Do not despair if you have a writer’s block. It shall pass!

Technical (this is my personal opinion, not general rules - everybody writes differently, after all):

Avoid exposition if possible.

Show-don't-tell is your friend. It seems like a horrid cliché, but it is true.

Sometimes less is more. There is no causal relationship between quality and word count.

Read your work checking for mistakes (grammar, punctuation, typos) before you post, especially if you do not have a beta reader (and I know good ones are hard to find).

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

Most favourite: when I manage to write something that I feel is really good.

Least favourite: When I have time and mood to write, but whatever I write is not worth anything. Which brings us to writer’s blocks. Not a favourite of anyone! Right now I am in a middle of a huge one. Boo.

29.

What’s your revision or editing process like?

I edit during the writing process, and also mark words/passages that I think might be better expressed (I am not a native speaker of English). Before I give my work to my editor, I thoroughly read the story at least once. My editor does several things: a) checks the grammar, b) tries to give suggestions on passages that are still marked, c) gives me an honest opinion about what needs re-writing (she is always right). Once, with a one-shot, she gave it back and told me, you can do better. I made a complete rewrite and yes, she was right again. The story turned out to be 500% better than the first version. Also, we discuss every story together. This is why I call her an editor rather than beta-reader, because that’s exactly how professional editors work.

She doesn’t edit poetry, though. That one's on me! :-)

[therubymuse]

Biologically Angry

Preface

Recently, a trans woman by the name of Dylan has been the focus of intense outrage from conservatives who live on the stuff, but today, I want to use one of her actions as a jumping off point to talk about who owns the writ on womanhood. Before she was (in)famous for Bud Light and Nike sponsorships, Dylan was taking heat from trans-exclusionary reactionary fascists for another reason: because she carries tampons in her purse. 

I have recently been having some complicated feelings on the limitations of my body, as a trans woman, and owing to either autism, borderline personality disorder, or a mix of the two, I feel a need to share the loss and mourning I’m experiencing with those in my circles. This has, in turn, brought up more complicated feelings.

It may or may not be a surprise for you to learn that trans women have periods. I never know who’s going to read this stuff so this may feel a little Trans 101, but owing to feminizing hormones, a lot of the experiences cis women have with menstruation, like the cramping, the moods, and the cravings, are all things people on feminizing hormones also experience. 

The technical reason for this is hormonal levels dictate fertility cycle windows. Put estrogen and progesterone into a body, and it’s going to react the same way cis bodies that produce those hormones naturally react. As to cramping, it’s not actually the uterus doing the squeeze, but the smooth muscle lining around the intestines, which means that despite not having a uterus, I still get cramps that have knocked me to the floor at times. The only thing we don’t experience is the bleeding, cause of the aforementioned lack of uterus. 

All of this absolutely outrages our some folks, of course. They claim we’re erasing and robbing meaning from the feminine experience. They claim that people like Dylan “masquerade” as women and that her carrying tampons is just another shake of salt in their wounds. It doesn’t occur to them that the reason Dylan does this, the reason I do it, and the reason lots of women, trans or cis, do this is so we can help other women when they’re stuck. I don’t know a single cis woman who hasn’t at one time or another been caught short with her period. Why wouldn’t you want a friendly sister in the next stall over to pass you a pad or a tampon to help get you by? Why should it matter if that sister is trans or cisgender? 

Apparently these things matter a great deal to a vocal few, because according to some recent study work, most cisgender lesbians, for instance, are fully supportive of transgender lesbians. But you wouldn’t know that to sit on Twitter and watch the stream of hatred and calls for outright genocide of people like me. Which is why most of the online world ought to be taken with a grain of salt. 

However, my complicated feelings tie back to Dylan’s actions and experiences in a few other ways. And it’s my intention to air them here for your perusal, because I’m nothing if not a vulnerable trove of queer trauma hastily plastered to the wall for your education.

We are so often told that what is in the physical realm, is not what makes us women, and I agree with that statement. But it doesn’t change the emotional and physical longings I’ve felt and the loss and mourning I’ve experienced. I don’t expect anyone to believe me, but I do wish people would stop telling me what I should and shouldn’t feel, or that I’m better off for the loss. Cause I’m not. 

I: Bleeding

People will often tell you, with varying degrees of veracity, that an experience cannot ever be truly understood unless it is felt. It is this concept that is used to bludgeon transgender people back into our assigned gender and roles. I can’t know that I’m a woman, because I don’t know what a woman  feels like, or some variation on the concept. 

Except there are many ways that I can.

When I grew up in the 90s, there was no awareness or support for transgender kids. Most of my friends were girls, and they told me often the reason I was their friend, instead of most other boys at school, was because I wasn’t like those boys. One of them invited me over to a sleepover once, but their parents forbade boys from sleepovers. I asked my mother if I could join the Girl Guides, but the Guides didn’t know about trans kids at that time, so the answer was no. As I got older, my shy and feminine demeanour made me a target for bullying. I was often called a chicken and a f*gg*t for not engaging with boys. And so by senior high, I had learned to hide who I was really well, and continued to wear that mask into my 30s. 

My high school had a gay/lesbian support group, which I attended once, thinking I might be actually be gay. But I didn’t find I had much in common with gay boys, either. There was no support or wisdom for trans individuals. At home, my parents were not homophobes or particularly religious, but trans people weren’t talked about there either, and films with any gender incongruences such as The Birdcage or To Wong Foo were considered adult viewing, so I didn’t get to see them until much later in my life. Not that those films are paragon examples of trans experiences, but it would have been something. 

Despite all this, when I discovered what trans people were, and that they’d been here all along, I couldn’t explode from the closet fast enough. I knew with every fibre of my being that this is what I was missing. It didn’t matter that I’d never been a girl, I had been so painfully awkward and uncomfortable most of my life, that an answer so simple, that I was a girl, made perfect sense. 

We do trans people a disservice when we gatekeep these experiences. I was trapped inside the body, gender expectations, and social stature of manhood that felt completely alien to me, but there was nothing else, until I learned about being trans. 

I have a body that doesn’t have a uterus, and as such, I don’t bleed on my periods, but I have extended the thought to other folks who do experience this that I wish I could take that from them. And mostly, the response to this suggestion is incredulousness, bordering on anger. The thinking goes, that because I can’t know how this feels, I shouldn’t want it. And wanting it anyway feels disrespectful or demeaning to some. 

And to say I struggle with those emotions would be an understatement. It’s pretty much standard operating procedure at this point to deny a trans woman’s validity based on what she cannot do, but this doesn’t fit with feminism as I know it. There are women who are born without uteruses, or who are infertile, or who otherwise can’t have kids. The fact that they mourn that loss isn’t seen as an afront to womanhood. But it is when a trans woman does it. I don’t want to be angry at my sisters, but sometimes I am, because even allies struggle to understand why this hurts so much. 

The feminism I grew up with, that I saw in school amongst friends, told me that womanhood was not a club whose cost of admission was the strict adherence to patriarchal ideals. You didn’t need to bleed to be a woman, or have kids, or devote yourself to housekeeping and partnership at the cost of your artistry or personal development. The freedom to choose, not just in terms of bodily autonomy, but in all aspects of our identities, was paramount. And it feels like this notion has all but turned on it’s head in an attempt to keep trans women out of the club. The fact that I don’t bleed, that I can’t have kids, that I don’t want to devote myself to housework and partnership, are all points used against me, to prove I’m not a real woman. And yet, my desire to share things with other women is also somehow demeaning and shameful. 

That shrill charge of inauthenticity rings in my ears every time you tell me I  don’t actually know what we want. And it only makes the pain of loss more potent.

II: Childbirth

When I was quite young, I had some sort of Cabbage Patch Kids-adjacent doll. I carried it around the house, calling it my daughter. I think this alarmed my parents, as I was 7 years old at a time and this wasn’t something typical 7 year old boys did. Like most things I did as a child, I suppressed it when it became unacceptable, only to have it pop up in later life. 

I didn’t really give much thought to parenthood in my adult life until transition, admittedly. I was speaking with a friend about their kids, and afterwards, I had a very messy breakdown over the loss of that experience. In several ways, the world considers me unfit for motherhood. Biological essentialists say I’m perverting womanhood to have a child and teach them that I am their mother. My mental health and my financial dependence on the state means that I’m not fit to adopt a child, nor do I have the space to do so. And of course, my body will not create a life in the way I suddenly wanted to experience. 

The pain of realizing all that was very much akin to the pain of someone dying. It was like being made aware of a life I didn’t know I wanted, and then having it taken from me, all in the same realization. I have had to spend a lot of time coming to terms with it. And when I have opened up and spoken about it, I’m either mocked, or I’m told I should be grateful to be free of the trouble. 

When cis women who are able to have kids decide to have them anyway despite warnings of how difficult the experience will be, they’re applauded and supported and given space to experience those feelings. When I express that I want the same, I’m insane. And I’m honestly just so tired of having to justify it. 

I have found ways to be a mother to myself, in the absence of my actual mother. A huge drive in the desire to be someone’s mother figure is to be a better mom than my mom was. I carried my mother’s trauma all my life, and wasn’t allowed to hold boundaries or space for myself. Borderline and dissociative identity disorder are both challenges that carry beginnings in the treatment I experienced. Now that she’s gone, I’ve worked to be my own mother, to the figures in my head who have needed it. My 7 year old self, my lovely Coral, I have loved her even though she causes a lot of distress and pain. 

And so, I don’t need to be a mother as much as I once did, but the pain of loss is still there. The experiences I won’t have and the mourning I’ve done weighs so much. And I haven’t felt like I’ve been able to share that without someone trying to offer me alternatives, or talk me out of it entirely, as if I just don’t know how bad it could be. 

My mother was in labour with me for 17 hours. She had opted for natural childbirth early on in the process and by the time she felt enough pain to want to back out, they couldn’t give her the drugs. So she struggled. They offered to put her on a helicopter to a bigger hospital to maybe assist, and I’m pretty sure the swearing and throwing of things was interpreted as no, cause there I was, born in Tofino in the middle of a storm. She told me the story once, and then told me, in a rare moment of emotional clarity, that I was worth every second of her pain and every opportunity she gave up, just to have me. 

And I still cry, thinking about that, because it’s not like she didn’t know what was coming. But she thought it was worth it anyway. That I was worth it anyway. And that’s how I feel about the children I won’t ever bear. 

They’d have been worth it. 

III: Coping

Once upon a time, I hated myself for my appearance. I hated my thin, frail body, my tall forehead, my facial hair. I was deeply ashamed of my figure and would hide myself in oversized clothing and shirts/shorts when I went swimming. I hated how I was aging, looking more and more like my father, and looking old beyond my years due to the stress and strain of my life and it’s many masks. 

Today, I have the opposite relationship with my body, partly because I could transition, and partly by accepting the parts that aren’t perfect. There are parts of me I adore, like my curves, my thick and recovered head of hair, my eyes. And then there are parts I’ve accepted through radical self-love, such as my voice, my eyes (but in a different way), and my nose (something I rarely admit to having hated in the past). Overall, I’m in a really healthy place. 

However, some things haven’t been as easily let go, such as my longing to be somebody’s mom. I’m working on it, and Coral certainly helps me a lot, because helping her heal trauma from our shared childhood means she is having less meltdown responses to emotional stimuli. I feel proud of her, and the work I’ve done with her. But my invisible head child is pretty hard to explain to strangers, and it’s unfair to ask her to fill all of the emotional cavities I find in myself. That would make me more like my mother than I ever want to be. 

I don’t hate my body for what she is unable to do, but I feel a hole in my chest when I think of what she might have done. There are so many ways that I can be a mother figure, and some of those roads I’m already on in various ways. One of my challenges with borderline is how intense all emotions feel. When I think about not having a child, it hurts just as bad as losing a loved one. I can’t explain why. I think it’s similar to what happens when a cis woman loses a child in pregnancy, although I’m certain that saying so will cause more ire. I can imagine who they would be, how I would have been their friend and parent, what our family would have been like. Sometimes I see them in dreams. And then I wake up, and mourn again. And people tell me what I’m experiencing is insulting to them. 

If the world doesn’t go completely to hell, it’s entirely possible that within my lifetime, trans women will be able to have children via uterine transplants. This has already been done successfully but it’s still quite experimental. If it does go to hell, probably not, and either way, it won’t happen soon enough for me to take part in it. 

It’s going to take a long time to work through these emotions, learn how to cope with them, and direct some of them towards becoming a motherly figure in the ways I can be. But I doubt the ache I feel will ever go away. And I’m tired of pretending that it will, or not talking about it, to save the feelings of others. Motherly longing is part of a lot of trans women’s experiences, and coping requires recognition.

I need to make space to process and feel those things, but we need to make space as a society for trans women to feel these things without persecution, abuse, and belittling. Our womanhood, and our motherhood, matters just as much.

Photo of French Beach, BC, taken by me.

[xxrat--punkxx]

Harrow The Ninth - Act one essay

yeah u read that right, i wrote a fucking essay. When I started reading Harrow the ninth, I made a decision to make annotations. As when reading the first book in the series I had many thoughts and was unable to get any of them down. I would be doing this in an attempt not only to better understand the characters, but to better understand the goings-on and see if I can piece things together, as the book is a little confusing I must admit. So I decided to write this, which is essentially just a big write-up of all the notes I made over act one, and which I have many thoughts about. The annotations in the majority are on Harrow and a study of her character I have to admit, but I did try and piece together certain theories of sorts that I had. All of this is merely my interpretation of the book is not meant to be taken seriously, take whatever I’ve written with a grain of salt or as literally as you want. This is written in order of chapter or chronologically so if the notes seem a bit messed up that’s why.

 The reason I’m doing this putty just is for fun and I just thought it would be an interesting way to try to get to understand the characters better, so if you do feel opposed to what I have said please don’t feel the need to comment and rave about it or how I’m ‘wrong’, also I would like to avoid further spoilers for the book all together so please keep my in the dark.

And with that this is the mostly coherent write up of my notes thrust far :D

---------------

To begin with the prologue threw for a fucking loop, but I think Ianthe saying ‘choke me daddy’ is going to stick with me until the day I die. One of the first things I took  note of is how Harrow mentioned Ianthe’s eyes multiple times. Harrow is very observant of other people’s eyes through the book, always pointing them out and describing them. The line ‘- eyes of the cavalier she murdered’ could suggest Harrow is only able to characterise people by the necessary ‘sin’ they have committed to become Lyctor, feeling an incredibly heavy guilt at her position, because even through she may not remember, Harrow carries a great deal of sadness and anger to her role as Lyctor as a result of Gideons fate. This resentment for her position comes up again in ‘half a Lyctor was worse than not a Lyctor at all’, Harrow wanted to become a Lyctor to atone for the sins of her birth as well as revive the dying embers of the ninth house, the adjective ‘half’ would suggest Harrow doesn’t feel like she’s good enough to call herself ‘a real Lyctor’ (whether there is a process of fully becoming a Lyctor I am currently unaware of) because of this feeling of inadequacy she harbours, she possibly feels that she is not yet able to justify everything that has happened, still essentially talking the full blame for being 200 dead children. Harrow may feel that she will only see herself as ‘good enough’ once she has become what she deems a ‘fully versed Lyctor’, but I do believe if she were to go on she would never reach this self appointed goal, always living in this perpetual state of ‘I’m not good enough to justify 200 children’. And despite the fact she can’t remember, not good enough to justify the ‘death’ of Gideon as well.

In Parodos we begin to explore what I can only come to conclude as being an altercation in her memories in the event of the previous book. Along with the later repeated ‘this isn’t how it happened’ and the reference to the ‘body’ who I believe is Alecto (don’t go looking in tags that contain spoilers kids). Other than this Harrow references her ‘fathers library’ (which has obviously been around for a lot longer), I believe that her reason for still referring to it as her fathers and not technically hers is this is still part of her that still can’t yet get over they’re death. But most importantly abt this chapter, is the first mention of Harrows ‘insanity’, a very frequently repeated and referenced topic.

In chapter one we see the use of second person being used. This, to my surprise, is used past the prologue whenever we are in the ‘present’, I do believe there are multiple reasons for this, that I will go into later. The chapter opens with Harrow attempting to practice using her sword, despite her almost seemingly constant lack of progress; it's all Harrow seemingly devotes her time to. The quote ‘sword had reified your grief into six feet of steel’ (that’s one long fucking sword Jesus Christ) could suggest that Harrow is using this training as a distraction, that she is trying to fill her mind with the focus of sword training to the point where she isn’t able to cast her mind to her grief, ending in her pushing herself too far to the brink of nausea and pain. Further, the personification of the sword is interesting as it could be Harrow attempting to personify her grief. As a subconscious way of coping, the sword represents a past she so dearly hates and memories she is scared to remember. Claiming the sword ‘hates her’ could be Harrow's mind telling her ‘this is how everyone you lost will react to your failure’ as she is unable to properly wield it, along with the notion that she possibly even now believes she’s ‘not good enough’ as a Lyctor. Believing that, if they were alive, all her parents, the children and even Gideon would feel toward her would be adamant hate. This then brings up the theme of ‘insanity’ again, wherein Harrow's mind will conceive the impossible as an attempt to cope with the insurmountable amounts of grief and trauma. 

Harrow is greatly alienated from the environment she’s in, being stripped of her identifying features she takes solace in (e.g her face paint and short cropped hair), to have these things taken away from her, Harrow feels exposed and possibly vulnerable, this would cause her to feel possibly more alienated as she doesn’t feel comfortable being ‘exposed’ to the people on the ship. Harrow's face paint is very important to her, not just as a part of her house's culture but because Harrow uses it as a mask. The ‘inglorious mask’ she paints represents a lot to her, her position as Reverend Daughter of the Ninth house, a position too many people had died for for her to not wear that title. Later it is revealed that Harrow sees her face as ‘monstrous’ without it on as she can’t bare the sight of her bare face, she views her face with a sort of body dysmorphia, as if she hates who she is, what she represents and the mask is a way of concealing that as well as a showing of her devotion to the house and it’s people by strictly upholding its culture. Small acts of penance for the debt of her birth. Harrow would much rather go through bouts of pain, although fleeting just to mimic the paint with her blood as the alternative (it’s sad and cruel to think about but it’s cool af omg). 

While on Erbos, Harrow makes notes of all the noises she can hear, making comparison to prayer, which I believe is a Harrow trying to make an attempt at trying to find even some form of familiarity in this alien environment as to compare the ‘nonsense’ of human voices with something so familiariser to her as ritualistic prayer. Eventually all of these factors, the loss of her identity, the collection of grief and alienation, all lead to causing Harrow moments of disassociation, ‘sometimes you would forget who you were, and at recalling yourself,weep like a child’.this loss of identity causes Harrow to ‘forget herself’ a way of her mind shutting down as it can no longer continue this cycle of constant training and nausea/pain on top of the old and new grief. What’s more is the use of the noun ‘child’ is important because it represents Harrow regressing back into the mindset of her child self, something she has a deep rooted fear of regressing back to. This then creates a vicious cycle. In this moment, paired with the sword on the ground, with Harrow giving it a lack of care and disregard, would play into the personified ‘argument’ dynamic Harrow has created. As the sword lays there, a representation of the people she’s lost and the grief they bring, the line ‘so you could not see the sword nor the people’ could be Harrow not wanting hypothetical people to see her at this breaking point through the form of the personified sword. This scene accompanied with the appearance of ‘the body’ is all further reference and hinting at Harrows slowly deteriorating mind and ‘insanity’ 

(All of that, bar like 2 notes, were taken from the prologue, parodos and chapter one, send help please I have no notes from chapter 2 tho lmaoooo)

Moving onto chapter four we can see that the narrative has shifted to put focus on Harrow's past, reflecting back on her relationship with the tomb and its corpse, as well as her early childhood. Harrow had grown up with little to know affection or care given to her from her parents, instead her childhood had been reduced to incessant learning, devotion and practicing necromancy. All the while the notion of her birth had been drilled into her, from as young as she could remember her parents had done well to teach her how much she cost. The ramifications as such would have led to Harrow developing this self hatred and the feeling that she needed to justify her existence very early on in life. 

When talking of the corpse, Harrow mentions how ‘the death of god had been Harrow’s death too’ representing how she felt that her life had ended as a result of her love for the body because it led to the death of her parents and caused just so much more confusion in her mind. Harrow relied on her parents to be her teachers and guardians, but not careers, so in they’re death, it must have been such a shock to her to have these people so suddenly cut from her life, to suddenly have the people she was closest to, even though they were barley close enough, taken from her. Despite the fact that her parents were emotionally distant, Harrow was still greatly attached to them and held them very close. She loved them for it was the death of the people she loved that caused her mind to break as far as it did. I don't doubt that Harrow, even at that age, would have taken full blame for existing as a result of the 200 children, believing that at some point in her adult life she would be able to atone for those sins, she later sees this opportunity in Lyctorhood, having to watch as your parents hang themselves with ‘you’ at the center for they’re reason would have only exponentially increased this guilt and trauma repeating to it she was feeling. leaving her to have to rely solely on Crux for essentially everything her parents had done, even if he hadn’t deceived on what her parents had. 

Her parents death had caused Harrow’s life to change incredibly drastically and for the worse. Harrow had developed the idea that she ‘should have hung herself beside them’ and still believes this. However, Harrow believes that ‘she cost too much to die’, having this internal conflict of being in essentially a constant state of strain from carrying around this unresolved trauma and wanting it to stop but also believing she doesn’t deserve such a luxury as death.

Other than this, one of the only other person Harrow would have been ‘close to’ would have been Gideon, even if she can’t remember, I believe that despite everything she had been taught by her parents, and any presumptions she has or had been taught about Gideon, what Harrow desperately wanted to talk to her, or even be her friend. Harrow was used to being different, being the only child in the entirety of the Drearbruh, decides Gideon. With Harrow having just a general curious nature, I could imagine she possibly wanted to get to know her. However Harrow was unable to communicate her feelings mostly due to her not knowing how. However if this is the case, I'd imagine any kind of interest she’d had toward this aspect of her life was gone the minute she lost her parents. This curiosity turned to genuine hatred as they’re spats continued and they grew up, and Harrow eventually forgot the reason they ever started.

The dissociative episode Harrow experienced at the start of the book is reminiscent of the one she had after her parents death. Similarities between that constantly occurring ‘insanity’, hallucinations, loss of time, long episodes of crying. But a constant that I find particularly interesting is the common occurrence of ‘the body’ appearing in her hallucinations. The body could possibly be her brain trying to create a coping mechanism, focusing on the one thing she finds love and solace in and showing it to her in times when her mind is breaking or when she can’t afford to not have someone there with her. Over time when Harrow tried to ignore the hurt and move past it, she still remained very damaged from the fallout. Her mind had taken refuge in monotony and tradition, this is again referencing her need to cover her face in paint and adhere to ritualistic behaviours she’s taken comfort in. This could be a way of coping, Harrow being able to control these small things allow her to have some peace of mind and allow her to be contemptuous. However, I have reason to believe as a result of the trauma Harrow has developed a form of OCD, her compulsive behaviour very clear in her ritualistic activities, if she is without them or if she is unable to complete these rules she lives her life by great bounds of self hatred fear they’re head. Among these reasons for her conformity to tradition, I believe she does it as a way to deflect from her grief and trauma, by overworking herself in the Ninth house she was able to stop her brain from straying too far, much the same as she has done with her sword in chapter one.

After experiencing all of this, all these emotions for her whole life, then being so foolish as to fall in love with Gideon, was too much. I believe that past Harrow had made a deal with god (🎶to get him to swap our places🎶) to somehow alter her memories, to change the past so she would forget Gideon, to save herself the pain of losing a loved one again. This is the reason for her letters and the reason for the chapters about the altered past, but despite this we can see several times that her mind still remembers, her subconscious is still aware of the ones she’s trying to forget. 

In the previous book, Muir had done such an excellent job of writing the characters and how they’re seen from Gideosn perspective that I had never second guessed any of Harrow’s behaviour, Muir was able to conduct Harrow in such a way wherein she appeared stoic and in great control over her emotions, never letting them slip or show. I now know how I am very wrong in my assumptions. ‘You were leaving, for where you did not know, and you did not know how to feel’ shows this, Harrow has absolutely no control over her emotions, she lets the phases of each feeling come and go over her, often she is u sure of what she would do or how she should respond to certain things. Her ‘stoic’ and reserved persona comes from her ability to mask and repress her feelings to the point of nonexistence, a skill she borrowed from her trauma. From spontaneously feeling love at the age of 10, to only knowing to combat love’s fallout with hate. Harrow has had a hard time understanding and processing emotions, the only ways she is able to deal with them is through anger and hatred. Any feelings or sadness trickle into anger over time, possibly a defence mechanism to protect herself and keep herself reserved, not let anyone get close.

To bring up the topic of her sword again, ‘you could never castrate its anger’ she had given this sword a personality of pure hatred toward Harrow, herself encouraging this hate and attachment to the thing. I believe this is because it’s an unknown situation to her, she holds the sword very dear, but can’t seem to understand all the same. To cope with this lack of understanding she retaliates in anger, lashing out, accusing it of hating her. Possibly how her and Gideon’s hate relationship began. Harrow not understanding why her parents were so opposed to this child and why she should be to, the only way to combat the unknown was through hatred.

While Harrow has a lack of control over her emotions, I have noticed that she feels a great deal of fear. With the mention of ‘she was more afraid of being a child again than anything else in her life‘, this leads me to believe Harrow creates some kind of perpetual vicious cycle. Harrow possibly Associates fair with vulnerability, and being vulnerable with her childhood. The lowest moment in her life. Harrow is practically held together by tape, and is in a constant state of fear breaking and her ending up forgetting who she is like when she was 10, as well as mentioned in chapter 1. Harrow feels fear, and in turn fears her relapsing, then this is what creates a vicious cycle. This fear may stem from how bad her disacocations get. At the end of act one, Harrow’s ‘sword was thrust through Cytherea’s breast for a second time’ which she had not done on her own volition, instead doing it in a state of unconsciousness, this showing that her mind is possibly reliving traumatic events that have happened in the past and in some way are trying to re contract them, suggested by this scene and even further with the ‘nails’ scene. This could, however, not even be Harrow during these moments, but someone else entirely (the body??) as suggested by the fact that she was able to lift the sword.

Overall I have no fucking idea why I spent so long on this lord have mercy, if u read this far, why, and thank u for listening to my completely fucking insane rambellimgs of whatever this shit is. In short, I love this book, I love Harrow, I want to give her a hug and a nice cup of diluted lemon and sugar water (fucking hell harrow u really are a small friail Victorian child, like one whiff of monster energy snd she’s gone). But idk if I’ll do this again because yeah it took a while. It was nice to get my thoughts down. Thank u again!

Other notes: 

Ianthe 💕 

Genuinely tho reading chapter 3 made me cry so much, hearing just how poorly Harrow views herself really hurt, and god knows she’s too stubborn to ever tell anyone or so anything abt it.

I feel as though the emperor has almost adopted the role of ‘older brother’ to all the Lyctors, being both friendly and comforting while keeping them in line, whether they choose to listen or not is up to them. and I love that so much

I still can’t say soundly weather Harrow’s sword is her own or Gideon’s, I’d imagine it is as she is the only one without a rapier, assuming they’re being taken from they’re cavaliers

Ianthe’s protection and love for her sister is something to think about and keep an eye on in future

I trust Augustine, he seems nice

Harrow knows both hers and Ortus’ eye colour, yet is also aware that her eyes are very different from his currently, hoping this causes problems 🤪

The mention that being a child again was almost worse than anything in her life, tf is the almost?

The ‘eggs’ letter in Harrow’s ‘past’ is absolutely beyond me and I can’t think of anything when it comes to theories, and on top of this it genuinely scares me.

Harrow lying about her age is important, why? Again something I need to keep an eye out for later on

There is a pattern with when someone mentions Ortus in the present she will have a kind of reaction followed by passing out.

That was most likely Harrow’s first kiss ngl

I mean I knew she’s a virgin but having it confirmed is so funny I’m sorry, no bitches headass

[backgroundelf]

In ur reblog of a post I reblogged u said you were having Eöl thoughts… could u tell me some?

This got long, I'm sorry.

The reason I am having Eöl thoughts is because I am currently working on a fic centered on his backstory. Tolkien gives us very little information about him and what information there is changes depending on which version of the story you read (ex. he is at different points described as Sinda, Avari, or a Green Elf). That being said, my thoughts around him are coming from a few different ideas mixing together, and the result is a kind-of out there headcanon. 1. Pengolodh, a survivor of the Fall of Gondolin and the in-universe author of many parts of what would become the Silmarillion, would have a lot of reasons to be biased against Eöl and Maeglin, so anything he says really needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

2. Why is Eöl called 'the Dark Elf'? A dark elf in most of Tolkien's work simply refers to any elf that didn't go to Valinor and thus didn't see the light of the Two Trees. So what about Eöl is special that leads to that particular epithet? In the same place where he is listed as Avari (The Peoples of Middle Earth) he is also called a darkened elf, not just a dark elf. 3. In addition to being the Dark Elf, he is also a noted loner, which is unusual for elves. The only elves that live alone have suffered some trauma that causes them to pull back from their kin (Maglor, Daeron). What trauma/other source caused him to live alone? Related, why is he so angry/afraid when his freedom of movement is going to be challenged? I know most people wouldn't react well to 'you're stuck in this city forever' but death over imprisonment is a pretty extreme first reaction. 4. In the Book of Lost Tales, there is a rumor in Gondolin that Maeglin is part orc. This could be (likely is) a reference to Eöl's "orcish" actions and a way for the survivors of the Fall to deal with their loss by making Maeglin more of a monster, but what if there was some truth to it? Eöl was not in the city for long before his execution, but it was long enough that people (specifically people in positions of power) would have seen him and known what he looked like.

5. Eöl despises sunlight, traveling only at night. As seen by his pursuit of Aredhel and Maeglin, he can travel under the sun, but only under extreme duress.

6. Escaped thralls were not treated well when they tried to return to their people.

So mixing all that together has resulted in my headcanon for Eöl's backstory: He was an elf that was captured and taken to Angband. While there, he was one of the elves that was going to be turned into an orc. However, he managed to escape part way during the process (or alternatively, he wasn't going to be an orc and is just a regular thrall, but I wanted to tie in the 'part orc' Maeglin rumor). This leaves him somewhere between an elf and an orc.

I know this is a bit of a reach with 0 canon backing, but I could see how him at least being a former thrall would explain a few things. Why does he have a confusing origin? Angbang scrambled his brains and he doesn't quite remember who he used to be. Why is he called the Dark Elf? Angband did something to him that darkened him. Why does he hate the sun? Side effect of whatever happened in Angband. Why are the swords he forged cursed? Something something he was tainted in Angband so everything he makes is bad now. Why is he all alone in the woods? Elvish society doesn't deal well with former thralls (and depending on how obvious his partial orcification is, he may not look 100% elf anymore). Why is Maeglin rumored to be part orc? Because depending on how you view the elf/orc spectrum, he technically is.

So those are my Eöl thoughts. Thanks for asking and if anyone is still here, thank you for reading my rambling.

[buffysummerslay]

I have watched Lucifer series finale yesterday and I am still reeling from feelings, feelings I need to work through to be able to move on.

Unfortunately, I am late to the party and I have started watching Lucifer (despite the show being on my radar for a few years already) when season 6 came out, and this turned avoiding spoilers about the ending as well as the show itself into an extremely hard task. I have, of course, seen some reactions to the ending and it was obvious that the viewers were divided between "the ending was amazing, they really did the story and the characters justice" and "what the fuck was that". I always take these reactions, especially when they come instantly after the episode has ended, with a grain of salt because, realistically, I haven't been fully satisfied with the way a tv show has ended - any tv show - since, like, 2010. However, I also know that there is a difference between "okay, the ending was anticlimactic/disappointing/etc, however, it is the journey that matters and I am still pretty happy with the show" and HIMYM type of ending where you are like "I want this show wiped from my memory because the final hour has ruined the entire experience for me". So, I took some time to reflect on the events that took place, gather my thoughts, and make my peace with the ending. After doing that, I can comfortably say that I am not fully satisfied with the ending because of one very simple reason - I can make sense of the choices taken by the character at the very end of the show only if I use "Lucifer gave Rory his word" rationale, and not because I believe in the theory they provided or the choices they make. So here are some of my thoughts about the ending of this beloved show, including both the things I liked and disliked. Be warned, there are spoilers ahead so if you haven't seen the show, the final season or the series finale, please stop reading because you don't want to manifest spoilery energy into your life!

The main thing I have a problem with is the time loop. I will begin by saying that I really dislike time travel in general - I think that it is an overly used plot divice that more than often creates holes in the story instead of driving the narrative where it needs to go, unless the concept of time travel is integral to the show, like for example in Timeless and Fringe. However, in this case, I dislike that the major characters have made a major decision (a serious, impactful, life-altering decision) based on a flimsy theory. And since they have told us exactly what will happen in the end, we simply didn't know why and how, I have expected a more bulletproof reasoning instead of a rushed conversation wrapped up in five minutes and sealed by a promise. Lucifer leaves Chloe and Rory and goes back to hell, Rory grows up resenting him and she becomes so angry she travels through time to confront him only to end up being the reason for his departure, therefore creating an unbreakable time loop. She makes her parents give her their word that they won't change a thing in order to make sure that Lucifer discovers his true calling, which is helping souls in Hell break their hell loops and ascend to Heaven. And the reason I am so hesitant to accept this is because of two reasons:

1. Lucifer has made amazing progress through the show when it comes to his character development, finding his worth and making peace with his identity, and yet you are trying to tell me that this is the only way he would discover his true calling, especially now when he has a higher level of understanding himself than ever before? And especially since these thoughts and doubts have already been in his mind aka him postponing to become God long before Rory's arrival into their timeline!

2. The consequences of our actions are the results of the choices we make, not the other way around. And sometimes, different choices can lead to different outcomes and sometimes the array of choices we make lead to the same outcome. It is absolutely possible that if they broke the time loop and made different choices, that their actions would lead them to the same outcome aka Lucifer finding his calling while remaining in their lives. I think that it is fully possible for them to make a timeline B (the timeline that would have been created if they broke the time loop) based on the discoveries from the timeline A (their current timeline). There's no reason for me to believe otherwise.

Apart from the discovery of Lucifer's calling, the only thing that came out of the time loop was pain, suffering and probably a lot of loneliness. Even the good things that came out of the time loop (like Lucifer and Rory bonding) are a consequence of the pain that it caused. Of course, if they broke a time loop and created a completely new timeline, choices they would make there could theoretically end up having worse consequences on their lives. They could also be better, or they could be completely the same. The thing is, we don't know, we can only speculate and that is exactly what bothers me. The main characters made a major decision based on a speculation. I don't necessarily have a problem with the things that have happened, but rather with how they happened and how they were explained. Or better to say, how they weren't. I think that they should have completely dedicated the season to exploring this and reassuring us that this is the right choice to make and the right way to go.

Also, the concept of free will and making one's own choices has been pretty integral to the show. We have watched Lucifer struggle with the concept since the beginning of the show because he was convinced he is only a puppet in his father's grand plans. There were many events in the show reinforcing that belief, like Chloe being the gift from God. It took him seasons to accept that he chose to stay in her life, to be close to her, to be her partner in work as well as in life and in that acceptance he finally found the strength to tell her that he loves her. He chose her and she chose him. And while one can argue that leaving them and going back to hell was Lucifer's choice (since, technically, he could have chosen to break his word to his daughter and change things), it is one he didn't want to make. In the final episode he says that he desires to watch his daughter grow up and before he leaves for Hell he tells Chloe he doesn't want to leave her (she even responds that she doesn't want him to leave either, but that this is the choice that they are making for Rory's sake), making me feel like he is making this choice out of duty, out of fear and not because he wants to. He finally accepted that the choices he makes are his and his only, and the final choice in the show was made for him instead by him - I really don't think that the character deserved this. Lucifer gave Rory his word and we know he always goes by his word - they have turned one of the most essential qualities of his character into a plot device and an instrument that caused pain. Additionally, since Rory asked him not to change anything, it was implied that Lucifer can't come back to Earth in order not to risk changing anything even though it is completely possible for him to balance his work hours in Hell and his family time on Earth, like Amenadiel did. I also found this completely unfair and it felt like Lucifer was "banished" to Hell, not only missing out on being with Chloe and watching Rory grow up, but also staying away from his friends and the life he had built for himself. However, on the brighter side, Lucifer doing this - something he doesn't completely understand, something he doesn't want to do - is incredibly selfless of him and only shows how much he has grown. A character who has been described as selfish and self-serving from the very beginning does something so ultimately selfless, something that doesn't serve him in any way - quite the opposite, it pains him. As I said, I don't necessarily mind how things played out, I mind the lack of guarantee that they had to be this way. The only thing we don't know is if Lucifer and Chloe were in contact over the years since Chloe could have kept in touch with him behind Rory's back - maybe she sent him pictures of Rory, and maybe they exchanged letters. I am very doubtful because this would probably make the whole situation harder on them nor do I think that they would risk it because they wouldn't be able to know if their actions are breaking the time loop or if they are a part of the original timeline but hey, this is the stuff that fan fictions are made of!

And finally, I very much disliked the parallel between Lucifer and God - Lucifer abandoning his child for the sake of doing his job and that child growing up resenting him - if it was their intention to draw such a parallel. I think that God somewhat "redeemed" himself in Lucifer's eyes and that through accepting himself Lucifer also learned how to stop resenting his father for the things that transpired between them, and I don't necessarily believe that Lucifer had to walk in his father's shoes to understand him. So, in my opinion, this was completely unnecessary. Something I did like was Lucifer's calling - I think that it shows nicely the full circle he has made and that the souls he thought he is supposed to torture he is now helping heal. In a way, Hell is also the reflection of who Lucifer is - when he saw himself as broken, as evil, as unworthy and undeserving, Hell was also a place of torture - it was a reflection of him. And now that he accepted himself and that others have accepted him for who he is as well, it is a place of healing. In the end, Hell is his kingdom and he can choose to rule it the way he wants to. He broke his own hell loop and he truly became a lightbringer.

And, of course, Lucifer and Chloe (they are so soft and I am so soft for them). Taking into consideration my very bad OTP track reckord, I kinda expected a much, much worse ending for them - I mean, the Devil falling in love with a human, what could possibly go wrong, right? I knew from the very beginning that they aren't getting a pure, wholeseome, family-like ending. In order for that to happen, she would either have to become immortal (leaving Trixie, losing her detective identity), or he would have to become mortal - both of these scenarios feel cheap and I never would have wanted this for them or the show. Another option was to give them their happy life on Earth but then they would either have to leave a somewhat open ending or deal with the fact that ultimately, as a mortal, Chloe will die. And if they were given their happy ending on Earth, who knows if they would end up together in afterlife. Even if they did, it definitely wouldn't feel as emotional and as gratifying as it does now. The thing is, it is easy to give in to the pain of their separation when we measure it by the pivotal moments of happiness and loss that drive the lives of humans - him not being there when Rory was born or when she grew wings or when she started school - and it is even harder when you know how much she needed him and how much he wanted to be there for her. It is even more painful when you think about Chloe spending her entire lifetime without him, carrying all that pain inside of her, and him spending what had to be centuries alone in Hell. However, this is a fantasy show and many of our characters are immortal, celestial beings who have a different understanding of time, so maybe the idea of what a happy ending is and the rules for measuring happiness aren't the same as they would have been under other circumstances. Chloe became lieutenant and tried to make a difference, and she got to raise her daughters and see them grow up, and Lucifer helped so many souls heal, doing so much good. And now they get to spend the eternity together, solving crimes and kicking ass in the afterlife! Many of their friends and family are immortal, celestial beings too and (I am pretty sure) they can pay a visit to their human friends in Heaven... or see them in Hell, but let's hope not! In the end, what is one lifetime compared to eternity? Of course, none of this makes for the time they have lost, the momories they didn't get to make and the moments he wasn't there for, but now there are so many new memories they will get to make and so many moments to catch up on. It is bittersweet, but I think that's how it was supposed to be - in the end, pain is part of life.

I also have a few (dis)honourable mentions:

1. I am really sad and disappointed Lucifer didn't get to say goodbye to Trixie. She was gone for the majority of the season, but she was also a very important person in his life and he loved her. And we know how much she loved him.

2. I can't get over Rory travelling through time to kill her father because she is angry at him... sis, you kill him before he makes you, you wipe yourself out of existence.

3. I can't believe that they were surprised that Chloe got pregnant after having loads of superhuman sex (without any protection, apparently) after another human already got pregnant with an angel not that long ago.

4. Lucifer saying goodbye to Maze will forever remain one of the most beautiful scenes in the show.

5. The final major scene between Chloe and Lucifer, where they say goodbye before he leaves for hell, lives in my head rent free. I was choking on tears watching that scene, I literally had to pause and rewind three times. Such a beautiful(ly painful) scene. Also, when you have a ship and a person A says to the person B "close your eyes", pain is coming. I swear I travelled back to 1999 when Buffy said the same thing to Angel before sending him to a hell dimension.

6. When Chloe dies and goes to Heaven and Amenadiel greets her and asks her if she's ready to go home and then takes her to Lucifer was so pure. Her Heaven is being in Hell with Lucifer and there's something deeply poetic about that.

7. Hearing hello detective for the last time cleared my skin.

I have really and truly enjoyed the show, and the minor inconsistencies I see in its ending can't change that. I loved the show because it told stories about people and it allowed them to drive the narrative, and I can't say many shows these days do that.

[itsnothingofinterest]

So you know what’s been on my mind lately? How much of a humanitarian nightmare Tartarus is, and the dark implications about how it’s used.

What we know for sure about Tartarus is pretty stark, but we can draw some easy assumptions from that little information. All we know for sure is thus: 

It was made for the worst of the worst criminals for whom the death penalty is considered too lenient. While inside, prisoners are strapped to slabs of metal or chairs so they can talk to interrogators but otherwise not move, and guns are trained on them at all times to fill them with lead if they even think about using their quirks. In at least AFO’s case, he was taken there without trial; but he does seem to be having a trial later on...which they don’t feel he needs to be there for it. Also, prisoners aren’t told any outside information.

The implications we can draw are as such: If it’s purposefully worse than the death sentence, it is likely a life sentence with no parole. Additionally, I imagine it purposefully has no interest in treating its prisoners humanely except in ways necessary to keep them alive. Regarding those trials, because they aren’t told anything on the outside, we can possibly assume that they are not removed to talk to defendants or taken to court. So AFO’s legal situation may be the norm. We don’t have evidence to suggest he’s being treated special anyway, considering the purpose of Tartarus.

But hey, that’s fine right? This is the prison for the worst of the worst, why care if it’s not exactly humane, or if these guys don’t take part in their own trials? Well you should probably care on principle anyway, but also that only holds true if we assume the people in charge who send them to Tartarus are all on the ball with no hidden agendas or biases. And if you’ve kept your ear on the current real life situation with the police & government, you may realize how unrealistic that is.

You see, there’s something I’ve noticed about Tartarus; everyone involved in the League who’s been captured has been sent there. The only one who we don’t know has been sent there is Mustard, and we don’t know he hasn’t been sent there either. (Also, I heard that in side material it’s stated that child villains can be tried as adults, but I haven't varied that. It sounds plausible if I’m honest, but take it with a grain of salt.) Now, that kind of makes sense on an individual basis when you remember the people caught are Muscular, Moonfish, & technically Stain; 3 mass murderers & hero killers, and All For One; the criminal king pin of the last 200 years. Except then there’s Kurogiri.

Kurogiri, while a main member of the League of Villains, doesn’t have much of a criminal record. He’s threatened the hero students & injured Thirteen, but otherwise he’s just been a taxi service, bartender, and baby sitter for the League. If threatening and injuring heroes is enough to land you in the biggest prison in the country, either japan’s criminals must be really pathetic or Tartarus is full to bursting. (And yes, he’s also a Nomu, but they didn't know that at the time and I can’t imagine how that would relate to the prison your sent to anyway.)

Or, more likely I feel, there’s a standing order to send every captured League member to Tartarus. Now why would they do that you ask? Well I have some theories that all hold about the same amount of water. Perhaps it’s because All For one is that notorious that anyone with any connection to anyone he knows has to be sent there for the people in charge to feel really safe that he’s finally gone.

Or perhaps it’s because the League itself is considered a threat. Shigaraki is someone who, in his first day of villainy; picked a fight with All Might, almost won, and then got away. I imagine all of those factors are quire rare, so he was already a blemish on hero society from day 1. He’s also basically the only force in the country actively calling out the corrupt Hero Society. Stain was calling out corruption in the heroes, but he through the system itself was fine, while Shigaraki is against the system itself and is actively gathering like-minded people to bring it down. I don’t know how aware of Shigaraki’s views the HC are, but if they are then they have even more reason to show no mercy to anyone in his group.

Or it could just be because the group as a whole are considered by the public as super-dangerous domestic-terrorists. I mean even if it is one of the above reason, that’s probably the cover story.

Still, and maybe it’s just because the League are all my faves, I can’t help but find it disturbing that they’d be shipped of to that worst of the worst prison for the worst of the worst criminals for life upon capture, potentially before any kind of trial and without ever taking part in any kind of trial. Even Spinner might be sent there and I don’t think he’s even killed anyone who’s not one of those CRC Klan-looking freaks. And there’s a not insignificant chance Mustard was sent there. That’s weird, right? That’s more than a bit messed up, right?

And I mean, if they’ve done this with the League, who’s to say they haven't done this with other groups or individuals the HC finds particularly troublesome?

[sarahjtv]

BNHA Chapter 309 Spoiler Thoughts: Izuku and Inko Midoriya, and Some More Things Along The Way

The chapter leaks are here again!  Thanks to all the people on Twitter and here on Tumblr for providing us with scans and translations.  This chapter helps explain some things that a lot of us were wondering about.  Sadly, there’s still no Bakugo, or Shoto, or any other UA kids really; they’re only in flashbacks.  But, we do get to see what All Might and the Top 3 Heroes (Endeavor, Hawks, and Best Jeanist) are up to, so that’s something.  Anyway, remember to take what I say with a grain of salt until the official translations come out on Sunday:

The chapter starts a few minutes after Deku beat Muscular.  He’s flying through the air taking an unconscious Muscular tied up in his Black Whip.  The other Ketsubusu Academy students from the Lisence Exam see him too.  Thankfully the stubborn civilians from 2 chapters ago are willing to help Yo Shindo recover in exchange for not listening moving to the school shelters.  Also, Shindo’s barely conscious, but he does actually remember Deku.  He’s just not the same Deku as before.  Not much for me to say here except that I wonder if Shindo’s going to help spread the word about Deku’s actions.  Not just to his classmates, but I wonder if the words’ going to get out to the news and UA.  Actually, word might not even get that far since Shindo was only one of the few people in that exam that really even interacted with Deku...

Deku hands Muscular over to the police for them to take care off.  He also makes sure to cover himself up in Smokescreen to hide his identity.  So, Deku really is working in the shadows here.  It is best that the public doesn’t know what Deku is doing so that the LoV don’t track him down.  My man’s really going down the Batman route.  Oh, I also have to admire Deku’s smartphone here kept in this steel case.  I was going to say it’s a burner phone, but burner phones break easily for a reason and this one clearly doesn’t.  Maybe it’s a special one that can’t be tracked down.    

And we finally get to see All Might again!  He is actively working with Deku instead of just not knowing where his protege is.  He’s wearing casual clothes (jacket, jeans, sunglasses, the works) when he meets up with Deku in an alleyway.  I’m honestly glad that All Might is still supervising Deku.  I mean, Deku on his own would’ve been badass, but when you’re going up against people like AFO and Shigaraki, you’re going to need some help.  Especially when laying low.  Even with supervision, I still think Deku counts as a vigilante b/c I don’t think his license works if he’s not at UA.  I will believe this unless proven otherwise.  

It’s explained that the “wrapping” on Deku’s arms are actually gauntlets called “Mid-Gauntlets”, which are what are helping hold Deku’s arms together.  And they are VERY similar to the gauntlets that Melissa Shield from Two Heroes gave Deku.  Deku even says that All Might ordered them from the USA before travel restrictions were put in place.  I know that it’s only implied, but there’s no doubt in my mind that Deku’s new gauntlets were made by Melissa.  Even if you want to doubt it, at this point, Two Heroes (and by extension Heroes Rising and probably the upcoming 3rd movie, World Heroes Mission) are canon.  Honestly, I’m cool with it.  I liked Melissa and I’m glad her presence is still around (she was even in a Team-Up Mission chapter with Hatsume).  I do wonder if we’re ever going to see her in the main story.  It would be nice to see Melissa again.

The gauntlets are test samples and are used to enhance endurance.  All Might says that they can’t withstand 100% of OFA yet.  Which means that Deku actually beat Muscular with less than 100% unlike their first fight where Deku had to use over 100% just to knock him out.  So, does this mean that, say, Deku’s current 45% is stronger than his 100+% back in the Forest Camp?  Or maybe it was just the combo of moves and strategy rather then Deku just punching his way through things.

Small detail, but All Might’s phone goes off with that “I AM HERE” ringtone we heard before and Deku comments that this particular one is from All Might’s Silver Age TV Special!  It’s such a small thing, but I love that Deku still has that All Might fanboy in him despite everything 💚!  Somethings truly never change.

And back to the Top 3: Endeavor, Hawks, and Best Jeanist!  Endeavor and Best Jeanist are teaming up to kick a villain’s ass while Hawks is talking to All Might on the phone.  It looks like Hawks got a few costume changes particularly his visor/glasses which look more boxy than they did before if that makes sense.  Oh, and they’re also helping All Might work with Deku.  Makes sense since all three vowed to help take down Dabi earlier and Shigaraki and AFO definitely extend from that.

Deku’s Danger Sense is going off, so he’s probably going to check out any danger he can find in case it’s the LoV.  I do wonder if that harms Deku still.  It was said that it felt like a stabbing in his head and it must’ve been bad enough for the 4th OFA Holder to live in the forest away from society.  Man, I really hope our boy is ok (I know he’s not really, let me have this).

But yeah, Hawks (still wingless, but with a nice little undercut btw😳) explains that Deku's afraid of dragging other people in his battles like All Might.  Hawks also goes on to say that it’s best to take the initiative in taking down AFO and Shigaraki rather than waiting for them to appear all powered up.  He also wants All Might to keep supporting him despite the difficult position he’s in (remember that All Might’s technically Qurikless again and can’t really fight on his own).  It makes sense for them to go after the Villains again while they can.  If Deku fought Shigaraki while Shigaraki was at full strength, Deku would lose easily.  Even at 75%, Shigaraki was able to kill and injure A LOT of people, and Deku was lucky to even make it out there alive.  They need to find Shigaraki SOON!  

Flashback to Central Hospital before Deku jumped UA ship!  Recover Girl and Central Hospital’s high-tech were responsible for many of the patience recovering quickly and being discarged.  Deku was just there a little longer than the others.  So, we can assume that all our UA kids and some notable heroes made it out alive after being treated.  Still don’t know what happened to some people like Tamaki and Fat Gum tho 😭.  

All Might and Deku’s mom, Inko (thank god she’s ok), are by Deku’s bedside as his casts are taken off.  Deku’s doctor (who looks like Super Mario/Luigi; the whole Super Mario crew must run this damn place.  Where’s Bowser and Princess Peach) explains that despite his former warnings about his ligaments, Deku’s limbs are still functioning because he’s not the same as he was before.  So, before, Deku’s injuries were like his limbs were exploding from the inside, but this time those “explosions” were able to escape his body.  Also his Black Whip cast helped keep Deku’s arm in tact so that he wouldn’t pulverize himself.  His ligimates are still degrading too, so Deku still has to be careful.  I think he might have a few more small scars too, but that could just be shadows or muscle lining from Horikoshi’s pen-work.  

Ok, honestly, I’m not sure how this logically works...  I’m no medical professional, but I assume this means that Deku’s built his body up so much that it’s naturally able to withstand more damage than before and that’s why he’s more durable.  But, I don’t know how Deku was able to let the “explosions” escape this time.  I get the reverse; I get how he got injured before, but I don’t get this.  Was it the Black Whip brace he made for himself?  I honestly don’t really understand this.  Maybe the official translations will clear this up.  Or Horikoshi will in a Tweet or Volume Extra.

And Inko is finally informed of OFA thank the gods!  She was in the top of my list of “People who should really, really know OFA and what’s going on with Deku because I swear...”.  She’s clearly shaken up as anyone would be, but I’m glad she at least knows what’s going on with her son.  Yes, she’s still worried, but at least she can stop guessing why all this is happening.  

Deku announces the reason why he won’t go back to UA and it’s basically that Shigaraki can sense where Deku is and he doesn’t want to see anyone else close to him get hurt and/or die.  So, basically what I thought would be the reason.  Absolutely no surprise there.  But, going after Shigaraki and AFO first was originally Deku’s idea, so that’s something new.  Kid’s bold.

And this broke my heart 💔!  Inko insists that Deku stay with her to stay safe, but Deku knows what he has to do.  So, he thanks his mom, thanks her for making him happy, and tells her that he’ll be ok and that he’ll come back home with a somber smile on his face.  We see a flashback to Little Deku and Inko too when they were happier.  Bro, I don’t even know what to say.  I am in tears just writing this 😭  I’ll just post these two panels so y’all can cry with me.  I will never recover from this.  I’m fucking devastated.  You better come home, Deku: 

*sniffs* All Might remembers what he said to Inko.  He remembers how he said that he will protect Deku with his life.  All Might encourages Deku to go and he says that he’ll go with him with tears in his eyes.  He asks the Top 3 to help with this mission (finding Dabi) as their own mission coincides with Deku’s (finding Shigaraki and AFO).  I’m so glad all these adults are staying by Deku’s side throughout this.  It’s good to know that Deku still has support, though I wish it were from some of his friends too.  Maybe one day.

Deku goes to see Grand Torino in his hospital room to talk to him about OFA.  He mentions his friend and 7th Holder Nana Shimura.  Torino thinks he was responsible for killing Shigaraki (he really wasn’t let's be real).  He also tells Deku that Deku shouldn’t be so persistent in saving Shigaraki as killing can sometimes lead to salvation. Ok, few things:

1. I am surprised Grand Tarino is still alive.  I mean, we don’t know what happened to him after this talk, but at least he got to hear from Deku again.  It’s kind of nice to know that Tarino willingly passed down his cape to Deku too instead of Deku just taking it after his death.  Also, I’ve been watching some of Jujutsu Kaisen like everyone else has and this give me some Yuji & his grandfather vibes to it.  Knowing what happens there and that JJK’s magaka is good friends with Horikoshi, I have a sinking feeling I know what happened after this talk...

2. Deku looks so much older here.  Like, it’s not that cute, innocent baby face we knew at the beginning.  I don’t even know what it is exactly (maybe the eyes), but he just looks more mature here.  Also, his uniform some buttons down looks really good on him, I’m sorry but I need to mention that too 💚.

3. “Killing is a means towards salvation”.  Oh, boy...  I mean, I get it.  Some people just can’t be saved or captured in hopes of rehabilitation/redemption.  Sometimes killing people is necessary to save others.  But, Deku is not a killer.  He will try to save Shigaraki no matter what.  That was established again last chapter.   He tried to save Muscular for god’s sake.  But, I am curious if Gran Tarino’s words are going to hold any weight in the final fight. Like, will Deku have to kill Shigaraki?  What will that do to Deku as a person?  I’m really curious if Horikoshi is going to make Deku do this.

And finally, there’s a page showing off the Top 3, Deku, and All Might team up with the resolve to beat the LoV.  I am really interested to see where this goes.  Deku is working with the big Pro Heroes instead of his classmates/friends.  This hasn’t really happened before.  I also wonder if Shoto and Bakugo know what Deku’s doing then.  Because Shoto’s going to help Endeavor and his family find Dabi.  Endeavor’s activley helping Deku.  Also, Endeavor and Best Jeanist are both Bakugo’s mentors.  All Might too actually.  Look, maybe I’m making excuses to see my Origin Trio together again, but I do have to wonder if Shoto and Bakugo are involved somehow.

Welp, that’s it.  This chapter was a rollercoaster!  I was excited, I was confused, I was worried, I cried my eyes out at one point because THOSE TWO PANELS I CANNOT 💔😭!  I’m honestly just waiting for Horokishi to drop some major time-skip on us at some point.  I don’t want him to, but I won’t be entirely surprised if he does.  The end of this chapter is a good place to end if Horikoshi wants to segway into something else like, oh IDK, THE UA KIDS LET ME SEE THEM AGAIN HORIKOSHI PLS I’M BEGGING 💸  

Me @ Horikoshi almost every week:

[fourangers]

Hi Fourangers,

First of all, I love your blog so much. It's like going through a history back when Naruto Manga chapters were released weekly and your reviews were so Golden, Hilarious and spot-on. Am a new fan though (especially an SNS fan), I just got into this fandom only this year. I don't know if you'll answer my ask, but I just wanted to try and ask you few questions and I pray that you might answer me....

1. Since you've written in a post that you were active in the eastern part of the fandom, How was chapter 698 received in Japan? Because this is the chapter I inherently realized they both love each other. Yeah, I was too late but somehow whenever they interact with each other in previous chapters I always find them to be 'Weird' for just to be friends. Chapter 698 is just blatantly obvious that they love each other. Considering Homophobia and Shounen genre, I have no idea how it was perceived over there back then in 2014.

2. Which scene made you to ship SNS?

3. As an SNS'er how do you feel about the ending, where everyone was married off when they were just 19 just to make some shitty sequel??? As a new fan, I felt betrayed and It would've been perfect if they had stopped at chapter 699, leaving an open ending.

4. How do you face with the accusation about Naruto and Sasuke as brothers and we, SNS'ers are Incest shippers??? I don't care about that Indra and Ashura thing. But Naruto himself told he considers Sasuke as his Brother couple of times. And in Chapter 699, Sasuke acknowledged, 'He finally understood what it meant'.... It's the only thing that confuses me and I don't even have an answer!!! Plus, Kishi himself gave an interview that he based Sasuke on his Brother... I really wonder how he gave such an interview when he literally made them wear necklaces with each other's faces.

5. How was Naruto and Sasuke's sexuality perceived in the fandom back then??? Man!! Kishimoto just made lot of comic reliefs on their sexuality by making Sasuke on Sai jutsu, Naruto not interested in Icha Icha but making Reverse Harem no Jutsu, Naruto was angry when Konohamaru made Boy on Boy jutsu whereas he had no problem with him doing it. LOL. And all those homoerotic posters. What do you think about their sexuality, personally??

6. Why did Kishi had to develop their bond as Soulmates with some unintentional or intentional romantic undertones, if he was eventually going to pair them up with girls??? He easily could've gave many such romantic tropes to other girls and keep the bond between N and S as purely friendship or brothers. It still would've made sense.

7. Final one, Was Naruto really Nosebleeding when Kurama made a joke about Sasuke's kiss in Chapter 572???? We had a lot of heated discussion with other shippers where they claim that it was just a splotch of snot.

Sorry for the lengthy ask....... I am so eager to know your answers and I don't want to spam your ask box by sending multiple asks.

Thanks 😊😊😊

Hey yo! Welcome new SNS fan! I'm so glad that you joined us and I'll try to answer as best as I can. I'm not very active here on tumblr (except browsing lol) but your ask was such a delight to read.

1. I honestly don't remember. I think I didn't follow the japanese boards until the eventual 699-700 disaster. People were craving for reactions and I was curious about it too lol. And well...it's been years, I doubt I'll be able to find the reactions from that time. Imo, most readers don't care much about pairings, they just wanted to read about power-ups and abilities and the basic Naruto Vs Sasuke. Though there are some backhanded jokes about how gay Naruto is for Sasuke.

2. Hah. It's going to be very anti-climatic but it was when Naruto and Sakura were eating in Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto just used Rasenshuriken against Kakuzu and he busted his arm. Sakura was healing his arm and her attention was focused on Naruto. I used to be a NaruSaku shipper so I thought "Oh hey! This is the moment that Naruto would have a candid romantic moment!" But nope. He talked about Sasuke. And I was already getting suspicious about Sasuke's feelings towards Naruto ya know? And the whole "SASUKE IS MIINEEEEEE" in Orochimaru's lair. It was that moment I thought "you only have Sasuke in your head don't you, Naruto?" and started shipping SNS.

3. Hooo boy was I surprised when it was suddenly revealed that they had the basic heteronormative, boring marriage with bunch of clones of themselves. Everyone thought that it was almost like a bad fanfiction come true and some thought that it was fake. It was a pandemonium lolololol. I also thought that it was too lame to be true and lo and behold, when it came true I was floored. And then whenever Kishimoto threw new material, I got insanely pissed off because S*arada and B*ruto becoming pairing material is ok because they are a girl and a boy, and then they paralleled with Naruto and Sasuke which are only FRIENDS because they are both men. ARGH. Open ending was what Kishimoto planned from the very beginning but wrote a sequel to earn more money.

In that aspect, I made peace with it because of the whole anime/manga industry. I learned that, as a mangaka, you don't earn a lot of money with selling books, but rather with merchandise and profiting with sales right. And that guy have a family to raise, have two kids (which is hilarious about how B*ruto movie is his self-insert story), he needs a steady income. Also, I read reports about how anime studios are so poor and animators don't receive a decent income not to mention they are overstaffed and tired, and B*ruto is a good money cow for them to earn money so they can invest later on other anime they have more passion about it. So even though I hate this story with a strength of thousands suns, they are putting meal on people's tables and making them pay rents. I'm ok.

4. Lemme roll my eyes because in the Last movie they said that Hinata is related to Kaguya and so is the Uzumaki and Uchiha clan so they are all related woo hoo. But in the aspect of brothers because reincarnations bla bla bla, didn't Naruto himself said that he's no longer that brother, he's himself? Hmm...I gotta re-read it. One day. Maybe. lol. But I'm sure that he said "Sasuke is not my brother but I'm sure we'll understand well as friends" so there. Honestly, there are a lot of interviews out there and a lot of them are fake, so I'd always take the interviews with a grain of salt lololol. I do know from artbooks that Kishimoto wanted to create Sasuke as a rival-esque character and that was it. As he was developing Sasuke and Naruto's relationship, since he liked the whole yin-yang concept, whenever he wrote Naruto's story, Sasuke's was developed at the same time as his shadow.

5. I can tell from Naruto Forums (I used to participate back in that day) MOST of the non-shippers thought it was gay as hell, but you know...it was a relic of that time. While they thought it was gay, they didn't put too much thought about you know? Because it was shounen, and we knew that it was a joke that it couldn't be taken seriously. Of course, in the SNS fandom, we did make more analysis and there were a lot of instance when Naruto and Sasuke's sexuality was questioned. Some other non-shippers also thought that Naruto was totes gay for Sasuke (including a IRL friend).

Imo, Naruto is definitely bisexual in my view. Sasuke I think he's asexual or gay. He's attracted to Naruto, but mostly because of his connection to him, not because of his physical attributes, so yeah...asexual. Or Pansexual. Sasuke is more complicated lmao. Imo, Naruto could be pansexual too, come to think about it. Yeah, I guess both being pansexual can be valid.

6. He developed Naruto and Sasuke being soulmates from the very beginning, that was proven in his comments in artbooks and in the manga. He probably created with the intention of making it purely platonic, going beyond physical ties. Then he shot himself on the foot by drawing Naruto thinking about Sasuke on bed, talking about how Sasuke is cool, meanwhile Sasuke waxing poetic about how Naruto saved him. What gives? Lol. Yeah, I think he got too enamored writing their relationship that he didn't have time to write romantic ones. What I noticed that Sakura's popularity never was really high, so I could see some editors putting their fingers all over it and making her less relevant. Also, Kishimoto didn't know how to handle her, so when she got her time to shine was the whole fake confession disaster. Coupled with Kishimoto sexism and, in his words (Kurenai's flashback), women are useful to spout more babies, women was never really relevant in his story, unfortunately. Even Kaguya who was technically the big bad boss, was never really fleshed out in comparison to Madara. So the null het romantic moments it's not because he wanted to elevate SNS moments, it's more about how he's incompetent about it. It's either Hinata slowly elevating to a relevant status because forced interaction (Pain's sacrifice and Neji's death) or Sakura being obligated to be pining over Sasuke because she's a girl. It's even more painful to see that, if we ignore B*ruto, both girls are shown to be just talking with their kids and dusting shelves, basically being housewives, even though thorough the story (especially Sakura) it was implied that both of them have much more potential than being their husband accessories.

7. It was a splotch of snot. I can confirm myself lol. Whenever the chapter is out and fans would scan it to scanlate it, the editor usually would amp up contrast to max. So usually the lines get much more thicker than usual, when you read the official release which gets straight from the source, you can notice how the lines are more delicate.

Oh lol...but then we also have a lot of controversy about translating style. THAT one is a whole new can of worms to open.

Man I had fun answering your questions! Please send more :P