#its a stressful field to be honest but its so important to give others a better quality of life when you can

[tony-andonuts]

Hey by the way. If you can't respect and acknowledge mentally AND Physically disabled people, people of color, immigrants who don't know your country's language, queer people (ESP TRANS PEOPLE), fat people, people who aren't of your religion, and overall anyone not like you,

YOU HAVE NO FUCKING BUSINESS WORKING IN HEALTHCARE!!!!!!!!!!!

[m-y-fandoms]

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu x reader (fluff + angst) - (COMMISSION)

When I get a commission that isn’t Danganronpa related, I keep the client’s name private and switch names and some paragraphs around to fit a Danganronpa character so you all can enjoy it. This commission best fit Fuyuhiko’s personality, so here you are - Admin Kokichi

SFW, gender-neutral reader

     I walked through the halls of Hope’s Peak Academy, still toweling off my scalp after a shower in the gym’s locker room. Heavily I sighed, thankful for the much-needed sustenance that was soon to come when I finally reached the cafeteria. Sport after sport, activity after activity, it really wore the body out. Hope’s Peak really stressed the importance of the Ultimate-level students honing their skills. That’s why we were there, after all. Yes, we took general education classes like any normal student, the basics like the many different types of mathematics, general art, history, government, sciences and all that, but each student in the Main Course had several hours a day blocked out of their schedule dedicated to their specific talent and that talent only. It was rigorous, obsessive, and exhausting. 

     At times like this, I envied those who sat down for their talent, like animators and gamers, for I, the Ultimate Athlete, was always on my feet. Not that I’m saying art and gaming don’t take a lot out of those students, I just wanted a break from physical exertion once and awhile. My brain wasn’t stimulated quite as much as I’d like. Even the other athletes, like Aoi Asahina, the Ultimate Swimmer, and Akane Owari, the Ultimate Gymnast, had one set training area, and trained one sport for long sessions during the school day. As the all around Ultimate Athlete, the administration of Hope’s Peak had me training lots of different sports and exercise methods in short bursts. This meant running across campus from the pool to the dojo, from the gym to the baseball field, from the wrestling mat to the biking trails. Every day, a different muscle was sore, but I suppose I can’t really complain. It is an honor to be selected to attend Hope’s Peak. I mean, there were hundreds of regular students paying extraordinary rates to attend, just to be mocked and berated for being Reserve Course students anyway. I was lucky to have been chosen as the Ultimate Athlete at all, considering they already had so many types of athletes here. I think the appeal of my talent was that instead of being the best at one sport alone, I was above average at every single sport there was. Well, there was no use wasting time dwelling on my burnt-out body, because immediately after lunch, I was expected back at the gym with no delay. The longer this walk took, the less time I had to eat.

     Picking up the pace, I sprinted - something I excelled at - through the courtyard that connected the Reserve Course and Main Course wings for what was a well-known shortcut to the cafeteria. Reaching the other side, I slowed my pace, my eyes landing on a curious scene that caught my attention. Three Reserve Course girls - distinguishable by the ash-black of their identical uniforms as opposed to the customizable (and optional) Ultimate uniforms - were whispering in hushed tones in front of one of the cream-colored pillars of the courtyard surrounded by some well-tended flowers. They trembled slightly, a bit jittery it seemed, and were clearly gossiping profusely like the gaggle of hens they resembled. There was malice and fear in their expressions as they looked back and forth from the object of their scrutiny then back to each other to deliberate and discuss. My eyes followed their line of sight to the opposite side of the courtyard, where the pond and benches sat. Of course, it was him. How did I not notice him as I passed by from that end? I must have been in some hurry.

     Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu, the Ultimate Yakuza, sat on the ground leaned up against a wall on the opposite side of the courtyard, scrawling notes into a notebook in his lap. His brow was creased, fairly engrossed in his studies. I could tell he heard the girls chattering, they weren’t being subtle and weren’t very far away, but Fuyuhiko was paying them no mind.

     “Do you think his dad threatens the teachers if they give him a bad grade?” A blonde gasped, as if the thought had just occurred to her.

     “Probably, I wouldn’t put anything past that clan of brutes,” another plain-looking girl whimpered in reply.

     I stopped to watch the situation play out, hiding behind a nearby pillar and ready to step in if it continued, as rumor-spreading bullies were something that I just couldn’t stand by any means. I knew Fuyuhiko could handle himself… err… maybe I was just being a bit nosey to be honest.

     After a few more minutes of the clique getting louder and bolder with their insultingly toxic babble, I saw Fuyuhiko’s head snap up, throwing them a pointed glare. The flock gasped in unison, with looks of horror on their faces, and scrambled away past me and into the hall. I smirked merrily: now that reaction was the more typical one. I was just thinking how brave these girls must have been to be provoking a Kuzuryuu in the first place. Many people in the school, and just the country in general were terrified of them. I myself felt a bit indifferent about Fuyuhiko. He was in my home room and never caused trouble. 

     The Kuzuryuu Clan was the largest and most powerful Yazuka clan in the country, with ties to national governments, huge drug rings, and a hand in many influential corporations throughout the country. People knew to fear them and not to mess with them, like any gang. Fuyuhiko was the only son of the head of the clan, and next in line as its leader, but if you’d spoken more than two words to the guy, you’d see that it was wise to respect him, but there was no need to fear him. In fact, his little sister Natsumi, who terrorized the Reserve Course girls, probably was the reason Fuyuhiko’s reputation around the school was smeared by association. People saw her bitterness, her jealousy, her need to harass or threaten anyone who she felt inferior to, her horrible attitude, and probably transferred that fear over to her older brother, thinking the siblings must be similar. It was just ridiculous. If anything, he was an asshole at times, but not dangerous.

     Plus, how could someone be afraid of a guy who looked like that? Fuyuhiko was both adorable in some ways, and handsome in others. His cute side came out through in his meager height, the way his pale skin blushed easily when flustered, the softness of his blonde hair, the small pout he wore at times. He didn’t even have ink yet like most Yazuka. His skin was milky and untouched. On the other side of the spectrum, he was handsome and manly in the way he spoke, the elegance of his expensive suits and ties, his intelligence, the way he carried himself, his sharp and intense gaze. I always thought it was more reasonable to be attracted to him rather than afraid.

     He did have a bit of an attitude problem, but I often felt bad for him because of it. The quipping, feisty exterior he presented was clearly a coping mechanism, a method of self-defense after years of pressure to be a pillar of his family and being misunderstood by his peers. It probably wasn’t easy to be expected to watch or even perform drug deals, interrogations, or even murders - who knows? Then after all of that, you come back into normal society and get judged for being tiny with a baby face behind your back while people are scared of you to your face.

     He projected the anger he was taught was normal, and used the years of being raised in the Yakuza to adapt and mold his personality. He often cursed out or blew up at others, was stubborn and hard to work with, did his own thing, and despite how well he thought he hid her, his personal bodyguard being around the corner ready to kick someone’s ass at a moment's notice deterred many potential friendships. Most of our home room were friends with him, but I rarely talked to him. I really only made myself known to a few of the quieter kids in our class like Komaeda and Tsumiki, even Peko herself at times… but other than them I mainly kept to myself.

     I just wished…. he’d talk to me first. I was desperate to get to know him without the fear of feeling like I was bothering him.

     Ok, so maybe I wasn’t as indifferent as I let on before. Now that I’ve given myself away, I suppose I’ll just say it:

     Yes, I was a bit biased on the topic of Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu because… I had a massive crush on him.

     And it was hard, so very hard to see him in class everyday, at the dorms, around campus, and not be able to make those feelings known. I couldn’t tell if it was fear of judgment, fear of rejection, fear of him just cussing me out until I pissed myself, maybe a mix of all three? But now we were alone… save for Peko, who was undoubtedly spying from somewhere close by. Why should I care what anyone thinks? I was sure he’d never tell anyone if he rejected me anyway. He wasn’t the gossiping type, and he only told people what he needed them to hear. Steadying myself, I took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the decorative colonnade. As I shakily stepped across the grass, lunch became the last thing on my mind, and I approached him. He didn’t even look up until I began to speak, cowardice lining my tone.

     “H-hey,” I mumbled, towering above him like some weirdo. He squinted in suspicion, a small pout settling onto his lips as he silently acknowledged me. “Are you studying?!” I yelled more than spoke, my nerves taking hold. He rolled his eyes, holding the notebook up with one hand. I couldn’t help scanning him, taking in the way the sun bounced off the yellow fluff of his buzz cut, the way his chest heaved slowly, the cute little mole under his bottom lip. I was sweating, wondering if Peko would knock me out for getting too close, but also entranced in his hazel eyes.

     “What does it look like?” He huffed, irritated by my very presence. He probably came out hime to be alone, after all. Now he had to deal with me right after those insufferable girls.

     “Ah, haha, yeah, well anyway, I wanted to say that those girls were obnoxious and wrong. You shouldn’t let their words get to you. They’re meaningless. Y-you shouldn’t care about what they think. I-” I spoke quickly, nervously, and he parried my words instantly, tired of me wasting his precious time.

     “I don’t give a shit what they think. Since you’re such a fuckin’ creep and were apparently watching the whole time, you must have seen me scare them off, yeah? I obviously don’t care, and I don’t need some rando to come give me a fuckin’ pep talk! What do I look like to you, some fuckin’ kid that got his feelings hurt by some bullies? Fuck those bitches and fuck you! If that’s all you had to say, get lost,” he spat, and I flinched backwards. He was feeling vulnerable, and biting back was the only thing she knew, like an abused dog lashing out at its rescuers. I knew not to take it personal, that Fuyuhiko sometimes said things he didn’t mean out of anger. I knew all of this, but I was still taken aback and thoroughly intimidated. Almost as soon as he’d snapped at me, he settled back into his calm studying, opening the notebook again. That was Fuyuhiko, a little ball of rage that could be turned on and off like a switch.

     “Well, I, um-” I cut off my own words, swiftly turning on my heel and marching out of the courtyard, clutching my bag like it could save me from this humiliation.

~

     “Fuck… I’m such an idiot.” I shook my head, involuntarily replaying my blunderous attempt to ask Fuyuhiko out in my head over and over again. Could it even be called that? I mean, I didn’t even get to the asking out part before I made a complete fool of myself and pissed him off. I was now rushing through the corridors of the first floor, trying to make it to what was my last class of the day after a very short lunch and some extremely demanding training. The gardening class was mainly unsupervised and casual, but I hated the feeling of being technically late nonetheless.

     The term “class” is used loosely hime. At Hope’s Peak, each student was required to choose an elective course that “gave back” to the community or school in some way. It was thought to boost the school’s reputation, along with the student’s resume. That was the sentiment the school held, anyway. Some students volunteered at local retirement homes, some, like the eccentric Gundham Tanaka, lead clubs that tended to rescue animals and raised them. Others tutored exchange students in Japanese, some did maintenance around the school to earn the credit. I chose the gardening club, where students would break up into little groups and tend to all the plants, flowers, grass, vegetable gardens, and courtyards on and around campus. Sometimes we even took “field trips” to tend to other local greenery. I found it to be the most calming and quiet option of all the electives. There was very little human interaction, and it was satisfying to see the (literal) fruits of your labor grow.

     Today I would be tending to the garden in the secondary courtyard behind the school. This one was more hidden away, rarely ever used, and that’s what I loved about it. But… as I turned the corner, my box of gardening supplies in hand, I froze dead in my tracks, shuffling back to hide behind the cover of the wall.

     Fuyuhiko was sitting there on his hands and knees, pruning weeds from the garden. The coat of his uniform was discarded, and she sat in only his slacks and a button up dress shirt with a tie. He had little towels folded up as make-shift knee padding, green gloves on, and was leaning into his work with such fervor.

     What?! I screamed internally, panic taking hold of me. I had been a member of the gardening club for months, and not once had I seen him on the class roster or in rotation. I’d been to every station, been assigned every task at least once, and I’d never been paired with him. So of course, on the day I was thoroughly humiliated in front of him, here he was, ruining what was supposed to be the most relaxing part of my day. I considered leaving, simply lying about my hour of gardening time on the school’s check-in portal, but something in me told me to stay. I sat there, fighting with myself, nearly collapsing with anxiety, and then he began to speak, tearing my from my thoughts:

     “Now now, how are you gonna grow big and strong if you keep lettin’ these little punks fuck you up like this…?” He huffed, almost fatherly in his tone. I peeked around the corner, wondering who the hell he was talking to. Maybe this shift wouldn’t be so awkward with a third party to distract me from him, I thought, but when I hazarded a glance, not a soul was in sight, save Fuyuhiko. Taking a closer look, I noticed his calloused hands nestled around the leaf of a plant, and he tsk’d, observing the bite marks left by pestiferous insects and small animals. He was talking to the plant?! My cheeks started to warm up, my heart melting at the realization.

     Fuyuhiko began to hum, then to sing softly, a lullaby of sorts for this injured little green darling. Holding my breath, I nearly crumpled against the wall, feeling my flush spread from my cheeks to rush throughout my entire body. This is so fucking cute, I thought to myself, glancing once more, perhaps a bit riskily. I was getting greedy, greedy for even a glimpse of seeing him in the state of happiness I knew he deserved. I couldn’t care less if Peko was sneaking up behind me with a bamboo sword at the ready.

     When I looked, he was smiling, truly smiling. I’d never seen him smile like that before, a smile birthed out of an innocent and serene joy, and now I never wanted it to stop. There was no way I was turning back now.

      I took a few steps back down the hall, then stomped loudly toward the courtyard, allowing him to save face by thinking I had only just approached. I knew I would be in for quite the sour retaliation if he knew I had caught him singing. He may have even gotten up and left. He looked up, still leaned over his plants but now dead silent as I entered, and when he realized who I was, his breath caught in his throat. Another expression I rarely saw from him: one of being caught off guard.

     “Hey… so, I didn’t know you were in the gardening club? I’ve been in it since the start and I’ve never seen you.” I set down my box next to him and pulled out some gloves. I was hoping that acting like earlier never happened was the best course of action. Something can’t be awkward if it doesn’t exist, right? Luckily, he played along… or rather, just didn’t bring it up, either.

     “Uh, yeah. I was hoping to avoid all the bullshit of the whole, volunteer-but-not -actually-because-it’s-a-requirement class thing altogether. I just don’t have time for this shit, but my academic advisor caught on and forced me into gardening. It was the last one with spots left open…” he grumbled, as if he weren’t absolutely loving it mere moments ago.

     “Huh… and they aren’t penalizing you for, you know, losing all those points from the first few months you missed?” I inquired bravely. Maybe those girls were right earlier about his father threatening professors…?

     “Nah, I guess not. My advisor is super chill. She worked something out…”

     “That’s lucky…” my words trailed off, and we both got to work. The longer the silence grew, the more the awkward energy imposed itself on both of us. I could tell that he was thinking back to our earlier encounter by the way he made eye contact and quickly snatched his gaze away, the way she would open his mouth then close it without a hesitant word.

~

     Half an hour passed, and my nerves were beginning to stand on edge. What was more daunting than being alone with your crush? Being alone with your crush who verbally ripped you a new one that same day.

     Now mere inches away from him, focusing in on the same patch of flowers, we both reached for a small watering can at the same time, and our hands touched briefly, fleetingly before he snatched his own back, a shade of pink dusting his soft cheeks. He turned away, embarrassed, but I couldn’t have been more excited by the small interaction. Still, for both our sakes, I felt the need to break the silence.

     “You… you seem happier - now, I mean… as opposed to earlier today…” It was time to bring up the elephant in the room. I saw his body tense up, his spine stiffen, and he turned to face me, dirt staining his forearms and a swipe on his cheek where he’d scratched an itch earlier.

     “Yeah… I should probably apologize for that, bein’ a dick and all. I was just, really pissed and stressed. I shouldn’t have attacked you like that… it’s just… those stupid, loud-mouth, air-headed-” I saw his fists clench, his gloves squeaking a bit under the pressure. I continued where he left off, not wanting him to force himself to relive the gossip or the anger attached to it.

     “It’s fine, seriously. I get it. There will always be assholes like them in the world. I don’t blame you for being upset. Besides, I’m sure it was weird to have a stranger just approach you like that, trying to give you unsolicited advice and bothering you by-”

     “Well, you’re not really a stranger, are you? I’ve seen you around plenty of times… and you’re in my home room.” He spoke reluctantly, clearly fighting against the compulsory need to deflect and defend.

     “O-oh, yeah, you are. I didn’t think you’d notice.” I felt my heart rate speed up. Of course I’d seen him many times in the back of the classroom, but I had no idea he’d given me even a first glance, much less a second one.

     “Of course I noticed. Sports, right? Exercise, fitness, an’ all that?” He nodded, smirking. God, he was so hot… I didn’t know how to contain my excitement. I was trying my best.

     “Yeah, exactly. Sports, exercise, fitness. That’s me.” I chuckled a bit, finding myself more and more drawn to him with every second spent in his presence.

     “Shit’s cool. I can respect someone who’s disciplined and keeps in shape. I’ve seen a few of your games,” he let slip.

     “You have?” I immediately picked it up, a shiver of anticipation running over my skin and setting my pores on fire. Fuyuhiko wasn’t on any of the teams I played for and his Ultimate talent had nothing to do with sports. He wasn’t the type to go watch a sports game for fun, and didn’t have the free time for it anyway.

     My eyes widened slowly, and I’m sure he could see the moment I made the connection deep inside myself almost as soon as I’d made it. 

     That was the day I realized that Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu liked me back. 

     An obscene shade of red flooded onto his face and his nose scrunched up, his voice cracking as he spoke:

     “Stop starin’ at me like that! The fuck’s wrong with you?!”

[mybrothershands]

MBH/Dumpling 2

second installment, same art because otherwise you'll be waiting on it all day tomorrow. Characters by myself and @diddlesanddoodles and editing by @thundering-susurrus

The giant pinched up his face as if he smelled something bad. He then prodded the lump in his chest-pocket. "Get up, you lazy fool."

Several emotions crossed Yale face all at once, from anger to confusion to relief. Now that he knew where to look, Yale could see a distinctive lump in the man’s front pocket and heard the smaller voice emanating from within. Well, if he had a human companion of his own, that was a welcome relief. But he still kept his hand on Nenani. Grinning, he jerked his head to indicate the lump on Ka's shirt. “Ah, well I suppose that answers that. He yer assistant then?”

"Parasite, more like," he said, fishing around in his pocket until he caught the man by the shirt and pulled his shoulders over the lip of the pocket.

"Why you little two-ton son of a hog-bellied cob, I ought to--" The human smacked the hand away.

A nervous laugh escaped the giant, and he clasped his hand over the smaller man's mouth. "Er, this is my brother. He took care of me when I was small," said Ka.

Yale had been watching Ka fish around in his pocket and smirked at the human’s grouchy reply. The human’s snark immediately reminded him of Farris, but upon hearing Ka call him his brother, Yale gave pause. His curiosity was piqued.

“Wha –? Really? Can’t say I’ve ever heard ‘a that. That must be one hell of a story,” he said and jerked his head towards Ka. “Ye must’ve had a time of it keepin’ ‘im fed and clothed proper.”

The giant paused, then seemed to draw back within himself and looked away. Cairo, however, had no such loss for words. "Got that right. Ungrateful, too. You should see the spot in my side where he--" The massive hand clamped over his mouth again.

"I, erm," Ka cleared his throat, worry painted on his face. "I was old enough to work when he took me in. I cleared land for a human farmer in exchange for food. Cairo paid for my clothes and gave me a place to stay."

Polly then decided to use his leg as a scratching post and began rubbing her face up and down the side of his pants, leaning into him. "Woah, hey!" Ka said as he was knocked off balance. Once he found his feet, he pulled her bridle back over her ear and straightened her forelock. "But yes, I'm," he waved his hand in a circle, "I can work with humans just fine. They just need to let me know they're there and keep away from my feet."

“Ah, well no worries there,” Yale said with a light laugh as he pulled his apron aside to reveal Nenani at his hip. “You know better than to be underfoot, ain’t that right Dumplin’?”

Nenani nodded while she observed the new giant and silently marveled at his height. Despite the way in which he towered over them, he had a kind face, and she was not afraid.

“Farris doesn’t like it if I’m on the floor,” she explained. “He doesn’t trust the footmen to keep a look out.”

Ka's expression softened. She was a little thing, even for her kind, with auburn hair that shone in the sunlight. Somehow she met his gaze without fear, and it gave him pause. "H-hello there," he said quietly. "I am Ka. It's nice to meet you, miss."

It took the giant a moment to realize that the young man must have been hiding her, and why he had questioned him so. Come to think of it, he had not seen a single small person, nor chest pocket since he had entered this town. Pieces began to fall into place, and he decided he should not stay here for long. Not with Cairo. Absently, his hand found its way to his pocket.

“Hi. I’m Nenani,” she replied back, trying to look friendly. He looked so nervous, she thought. Yale easily scooped her up and sat her on his leg. After getting comfortable, she gestured up at the cook and said, “And he didn’t say so, but this is Yale.”

Looking confused, Yale looked down at her. “I didn’t introduce myself at all did I?”

“Nope,” she replied. “That was very rude. Lolly would swat you.”

“Ah, well,” he said, giving Ka and Cairo an apologetic shrug. “She wouldn’t be too pleased with me bringin’ the lil’un on this errand either. So there’s that.”

Cairo grumbled as Ka fawned over this little girl. She seemed unafraid and even kind towards his brother, which he respected. Still, he regarded Yale with a critical eye. Hooking his elbow over the frayed lip of the pocket, the human raised his voice. "What kind of kitchen is this anyway, boy? It's a bit late in the day to be fetchin stuff. What are you doing out here now?"

“Best kitchen in Vhasshal,” Yale fired back with a smug grin. He pointed over his shoulder towards the castle behind them. “That being the royal kitchen.”

“But Gjerk didn’t clean the chimney and it ruined the luncheon roasts,” Nenani supplied with a frankness that made light of the true disaster. “Almost caught the whole kitchen on fire.”

Yale frowned and, blushing just a bit, agreed with a muted nod. “Aye. Well, even the best kitchen in Vhasshal can fall victim to inattentive tenderfoots. So we’re needin’ to shuffle things ‘round a bit. Headin’ to a merchant who raises and sells field rocs.”

Ka's face became a smiling mask with a blank stare. Royal kitchen? Was this boy not worried that some stranger picked off the street could poison someone Important? Even the king himself? What if something went wrong and he was blamed for it and put in prison? Even he himself was not sure he deserved such trust, and yet kept his mouth shut in hopes that there was something he did not know.

Cairo, meanwhile, looked the man up and down, and then the girl in turn. They seemed easygoing and honest, if not a bit frank. At last he nodded. "We will accept your offer."

The giant balked. "Cairo, I'm not sure--"

"Shut up," he said, waving a hand. "Your belly's been a'growling all day, and I'll have no more of it. This is an easy job, and you're gonna take it," Cairo barked.

Ka paused, a hint of frustration on his face. Still, this was Cairo. The giant seemed to let go of his worries and nodded. "Just tell me what to do," he said, fixing Yale in his gaze, "and I'll help as much as I can."

He seemed eager enough, Yale thought. And even if his kitchen skills were minimal, so long as he could hold a knife, he could find something for him to do. Ka’s human companion was clearly the more dominant of the two, which Yale found to be quite amusing. And even a bit refreshing. He was so used to humans reacting to him with fear or at the very least nervous suspicion. Not that they did not have a valid reason of course.

He decided he liked Cairo.

“Well, first we gotta go collect them rocs and scurry on back,” Yale said with a grin. “So if we just wanna follow along we’ll go get that done and we can get ye to work.” He paused as he considered Ka. “And get ye somethin’ t’eat. Farris might gripe at me fer it, but believe me. He’s gonna be thankful fer yer help. Even he don’t show it. Or say it. Or yells at ye.”

Yale flicked the reins to usher Polly forward, bringing a hand up to hold onto Nenani when she almost fell off his lap.

“Ah!”

“Oh, sorry there, Dumplin’.”

"Oh," said Ka as he backed away and let the animal slip past until he could walk beside the cab. This Farris fellow seemed a bit crotchety. "Thank you," he said above the creaking wheels. The mention of food set his mouth to watering. They had had so many good things down at the market, maybe now he could get his hands on something. "I can pay you, but I'm afraid my coin may just be trinkets to you."

From his pocket, Cairo squinted one eye, adjusting his position to better watch the small giant. "Why you call her 'dumpling,' anyhow?"

“It was a joke,” Nenani explained with a flat look. “Wasn’t a very funny one.”

“I dunno, I thought it was a pretty good one,” Yale replied with a knowing grin. He poked her belly and the girl squealed and laughed, batting at his fingers. She lost her balance and almost fell back off his lap, but Yale was quick enough to catch her and place her safely down on the bench beside him. He ruffled her hair into a bushy mess. “Anyway, I caught this one here after she’d nicked some fruit. And right in the middle of the King’s weddin’ feast too. Don’t think I’ve ever been that stressed in my life.”

“He threatened to eat me...” Nenani said with the same flat expression.

As lovely as he found the girl's laugh, Ka's smile quickly faded as the girl voiced the joke. He made a sound half way between a choke and a quack. "Hmm?"

Cairo looked more surprised at the noise his brother made than Nenani's admittance. "Oh he did, did he?" He sat up, eyeing Yale. "He looks like a pansy to me."

Yale could not help the smirk of satisfaction at seeing the way Ka reacted. But his focus drew to the man’s pocket and the human within. Leaning towards them and planting his hand on the other side of where Nenani sat, he grinned at the human man.

“Big words fer a fella who travels by pocket,” he challenged. “Why not come on outta there and I’ll show ye how much of a pansy I am.”

Nenani glared up at Yale and grabbed onto his sleeve and gave it a firm tug. “No fighting.”

Cairo merely laughed at the girl's reaction. "I ain't stupid. Think I'll stay in the pocket, eh?" He slapped Ka's chest.

The giant rolled his eyes. He kept pace with the cart fairly easily, even as the Svaldifari trotted. He cleared his throat. "Keep acting like that and I may just let him have you."

"What!" he exclaimed, clutching a hand over his heart. "He might skin me, don't you think? You brute, you should protect your poor old brother."

Ka sighed, plodding along. "You can take care of yourself just fine."

“Smart man, your brother,” Yale said to Ka. “With him taggin’ along, ye might just survive a day in Farris’s kitchen.”

There was something very comforting about watching Cairo and Ka banter. It was all too easy for Yale to be drawn back to the horrible memories of the war and the way it seemed to him at the time that the bloodletting would never cease. Yet before him was a man who openly and easily called a human his brother.

“As fer skinnin’: nah. Too much of a hassle. Much easier to just toss ye into the stew and pop the lid on.”

Beside him, Nenani rolled her eyes. She had become nearly desensitized to all staff’s banter about eating and cooking people. Cairo didn’t seem like the sort to take Yale seriously. But Ka, she observed, seemed to not care for the jokes at all.

Ka lolled his head back, exasperated, then clamped his hand back over Cairo's mouth. "Ne- Nena-nani, er..." he chewed on his tongue for a moment, still trying to decide how many syllables the girl's name had. "Nenani," he said decisively. "He... Yale. He said he found you stealing?" said the giant, desperate to change the subject.

There were a few shoves and knocks on his hand before there at last came a double-tap and Cairo's mouth was freed. However, he kept his mouth shut for once and watched the road ahead. The mare seemed to need a bit of guiding, unused to going this way, but Yale was not quite paying attention. He peered ahead. Was this the way they had come before? Where was the market?

“Oh. Yeah,” she replied as she fiddled with the hem of her skirt in slight embarrassment. “But it’s not like what Farris and they all thought at first. I’m not from the Hill Tribe, I’m from the Southlands. They were loading a bunch of carts near the docks and I tried to sneak in and grab a persimmon before anyone noticed, but the basket was really big and I just...kind of fell in. And got stuck.”

Yale stifled a snicker as he corrected Polly’s path. She whinnied at him in annoyance. “I remember all them peels, lil’un. It was certainly more than one.”

“I was in there for three days,” she said and stuck her tongue out at Yale. “What else was I gonna eat? The basket?” When Yale only shrugged at her, she continued. “I grew up being told stories about Vhasshal and I was really scared. So as soon as the caravan stopped, I tried to run.”

“Caught her tryin’ to make a run fer it,” Yale added lightly pinching her arm. “Didn’t get all that far. Like...a half a dozen yards maybe before I got ‘er.”

Ka frowned. He did not like the way that last bit sounded. He steered away as they passed another cart on the road. He wanted to ask the stories about Vhasshal, and why she had been so frightened, but the girl had not seemed a bit embarrassed about that point in her past. Come to think of it, maybe he did not want to know. "Persimmons... have peels?"

The edge of the village was approaching, and Yale could hear the sound of the rocs long before their pens came into view. Their destination was a handsome little cottage just at the end of the tight clusters of row homes. Though was an older building and had but a thatched roof, it was well maintained and clean. Behind it were the roc pens. There were a dozen or so of the birds loose in the larger space, and Yale felt relieved. He was only going to need ten for the luncheon service, and he’d be able to get a few extra just in case anything else went horribly wrong today.

“Well, I think they’re actually husks,” she was saying. “They’re from overseas somewhere. But you’re not supposed to eat the outsides because it’ll make you sick.”

“Ye did get sick though. Just not from eatin’ fruit,” Yale pointed out. His eyes trailed after the other cart as they passed, having seen the way they had been gawking at Ka. Poor guy must get that a lot.

“Yeah, I had the red reap,” Nenani said. “It was terrible. But Farris took care of me and gave me medicine and watched me all night while I had the fever.”

Ka blinked, trying to make sense of this new information. He had no idea what red reap was, but then again, he was not familiar with most diseases. "It sounds terrible," he said, worry on his brow. The way she had explained it, it sounded deadly. He could not imagine having to care for someone through the night, not knowing if the little thing would make it.

Though he had not yet met the man, Ka found himself reconsidering this Farris guy. If he was the type to yell at someone new, it seemed a bit backwards that he would worry over a thief. He shook the thought away. He had not met him yet. Maybe he would understand later.

It was then he heard some bird-like squabbling, and looked up to find a pen with some frighteningly large feathery beasts. "What... are those?" He felt a bit stupid for asking, but then again, nothing was familiar to him here. Nothing at all.

"What, you never seen a chicken before?" Cairo butted in.

“Oh them ain’t no chickens,” Yale answered, giving Cairo an amused sideways glance. “Those are common field rocs. Those beauties eat chickens fer breakfast. Literally. They’re birds of prey. And they’re what we’re here fer.”

Yale maneuvered the cart towards the pens and when they were close enough, he pulled the reins lightly and Polly came to a gentle halt. She turned to her head back at Yale, expectation in her eyes. With a chuckle, he reached into his apron pocket and pulled out a pressed oat cake. Turning to Ka, he held out the treat. “Wanna give Polly her reward while I go spend the king's money?”

A grin spread across Ka’s face, and he chuckled. "Seems she's in good hands," he said, gently taking the biscuit from him.

~~~

Twelve common field rocs were in the back of the cart, their wings tied down to their sides and hemp sacks placed over their heads to keep them docile. Nenani hung off the back of the driver’s bench, looking down at the immobilized birds. They were as large as cows, and it was a little daunting to think that there were birds that big in the world.

The trip back was fairly uneventful, except that news of Ka seemed to have made its way around the village, They seemed to be getting more stares than before, but Yale made a point of staring down whatever gawkers he noticed. But he did not have the same presence as Farris did, and mostly, the people just kept on staring.

Nenani found it to be pretty rude, and to several she stuck out her tongue.

As they approached the back gate that led to the kitchen courtyard, the guards stationed there did double takes as Ka came into view, but Yale was quick to head off any questions. “He’s here to help out for the day. If you have a problem with that, take it up with Farris.”

There was enough of a threat in those words that they were allowed to pass without any form of harassment.

“Don’t let those guards make ye nervous none, lad,” Yale said to Ka. “Most of ‘em are real decent fellas.”

Yale was still looking towards Ka as he directed Polly along the road, around the last bend, and into the courtyard. He pulled the reins and was about to say something else when felt a tug on his sleeve and he looked down at Nenani. “Hm? What’s it?”

Nenani merely pointed further ahead of them and Yale’s gaze followed along. A large fire pit had been lit in the middle of the yard, and the largest of their cooking pans was placed over the top, with a sizable pile of pumpkins next to it. Saen and Avery were in the middle of carving a few up but had made little headway.

But what had caught their eye was none of them, but the solitary figure just a short distance away. Standing with his arms akimbo and looking very displeased was Farris. His green eyes narrowed at Yale.

“Yer fuckin’ late.”

Ever since the border guards, Ka had gotten increasingly fidgety. As soon as Yale quieted down, he slowed up and walked behind the cart. The castle ahead was bigger than any he had seen, especially this close up. He ran his hand up and down his sleeve, trying to create some warmth as his breath crystallized before him. Upon hearing the voice, the giant's first impression was how gravelly and frayed it sounded, possibly from overuse. The second was that it did not sound happy.

"What's it to you?" Cairo muttered under his breath. It was more of a knee-jerk reaction, than anything, but it was enough to remind Ka to keep an eye on him. The human's left arm and legs lolled out of the pocket. He picked at his teeth as the giant walked. "Move over, Ka, I want to get a look at this meathead."

Ka merely shook his head, hand straying up to cover the man. "Be careful here. We don't know for sure if it's safe yet." There came a grumbling and a shove at the fingers, but for the most part he kept his mouth shut.

Before Yale could even begin to explain himself, Farris caught sight of Ka, and the kitchen master’s eyes widened as his gaze traveled up and up and up until he met the taller giant’s eye. “And just who in the Seven Hells are ye?”

Ever since the border guards, Ka had gotten increasingly fidgety. As soon as Yale quieted down, he slowed up and walked behind the cart. The castle ahead was bigger than any he had seen, especially this close up. He ran his hand up and down his sleeve, trying to create some warmth as his breath crystallized before him. Upon hearing the voice, the giant's first impression was how gravelly and frayed it sounded, possibly from overuse. The second was that it did not sound happy.

"What's it to you?" Cairo muttered under his breath. It was more of a knee-jerk reaction, than anything, but it was enough to remind Ka to keep an eye on him. The human's left arm and legs lolled out of the pocket. He picked at his teeth as the giant walked. "Move over, Ka, I want to get a look at this meathead."

Ka merely shook his head, hand straying up to cover the man. "Be careful here. We don't know for sure if it's safe yet." There came a grumbling and a shove at the fingers, but for the most part he kept his mouth shut.

Before Yale could even begin to explain himself, Farris caught sight of Ka, and the kitchen master’s eyes widened as his gaze traveled up and up and up until he met the taller giant’s eye. “And just who in the Seven Hells are ye?”

Before Ka could answer, though, Yale jumped in. “Came across him on the way to get the rocs. He was lookin’ fer some work, and I offered to let him help us today.”

All through Yale’s explanations, Farris sized Ka up with a critical eye, pausing at the distinct bulge in the tall man’s pocket. His eyes narrowed suspiciously before turning their vitriol onto his assistant. 

“Oh ye did, did ye?” he demanded. “Are ye fuckin’ daft boy?”

Yale hopped down off the cart. “We need the extra help, and as mad as ye are, ye can’t deny the big fella could be of some help. Hell, he’d make short work breakin’ down the pumpkins.” Yale leaned around Farris to yell past him towards his fellow cooks. “A whole lot faster than them two knobheads!”

Saen and Avery looked up from their work to glare back at Yale. Avery waved his knife in the air, calling back, “Go fuck yerself, Yale.” 

Yale was still grinning when Farris drew his attention back with a growl. “And ye think I’d let just anyone off the street come in and cook in my kitchen, do ye?”

Yale glanced over his shoulder at Ka and then back to Farris. With a shrug, he said, “Honestly boss, I don’t think he’d fit. Be a bit tight.”

Farris’s ever-present glare faltered as an amused smirk crossed his lips. With a grunt he looked back at Ka. “Ye have any experience in a kitchen there, son?”

The giant clutched his fists against his chest, shoulders hunched and brow scrunched with worry. Though the man was half his height, he scared Ka. He looked like someone who knew how to fight and just might if aggravated.

"Y-yessir, just a bit, sir." Ka stuttered, coming out from behind the wagon. "Look, I promise I mean no harm, sir. I just, well I- I- I was looking for some work is all. He was nice enough to give me a chance. I promise I'll do my best if you'll only let me help."

Farris was silent for several moments, eyeing Ka once more. “Where ye from?”

The giant straightened up a bit, a slight hope welling in his chest. "Benhyke, sir. I'm... trying to find my way back there, actually."

“Never heard of it. So ye mean to tell me yer as tall as a fuckin’ house with no proper sense of direction?” The kitchen master didn’t give Ka a chance to answer before walking over to the cart where Nenani sat. He laid his arm across the drivers bench and looked at the girl. “What say ye Dumplin’? Think he’s some sort of secret assassin tryin’ to worm his way into the castle?”

Nenani blinked and shook her head. “No.” 

“Well, if yer so sure,” he said with a small smile and scooped her up. Tucking her into the crook of his arm, he turned back to Ka.  The warmth he had spoken to Nenani with was gone and the harsher tone returned. “Ye got a name?”

He scratched his head, still harboring the initial insult in his mind, and had not quite heard him speak to the girl. "What? O-oh I am Ka. And this is--" he paused. At first caution took over, but once he saw the way he cared for Nenani, the fear melted. "--Cairo," he finished.

Upon hearing his name, a single hand came out of the pocket and gave a dramatic wave. "Evening to you, you motherless goat," he called, then the hand disappeared again.

Farris’s expression darkened and, behind him, Yale was making a frantic motion with his hands at Ka that translated roughly to “Bad idea. Stop.”

“I’ll give ye fair warning now, boy,” Farris warned as he walked towards Ka. Pressing further into his space, he stared up at the taller giant and pointed towards his pocket. “Keep that one’s mouth under control or I’ll be doin’ it fer ‘im. I’ve had plenty of humans toss out insults at me and, one way or another, they learn not to. If ye wanna work, I’ve got work fer ye. And you’ll be paid fair wages fer it. But if that one skulking in yer pocket don’t watch it, he’s gonna become intimately acquainted with the inside of a roasting pan.”

Ka's face paled and he backed away, clutching one hand to his pocket. "No! No, please, he's my brother. Y-you can't--I won't..." He seemed to get ahold of himself then, squared his shoulders. "Take that back," he said, regaining his ground. If it were not for the girl in his arms, Ka was not sure what he might have done.

Farris did not back away, and his only movement was to use his free hand to cover Nenani as though to shield her. He met Ka’s eyes with a firm unwavering stare. “I don’t take it back. This is my kitchen and my word is law.” Farris let a small smirk come to his lips. “Just keep in mind though, I didn’t say nothing about actually cookin’ ‘im.”

The giant blinked, relaxing a bit. "What?"

At this point, Cairo heaved a dramatic sigh and pulled himself up. He looked the man up and down and came to a conclusion. "Ugly lump."

Nenani poked her head out from behind Farris’s hand. “No fighting.” 

At Nenani's word, Ka took a step back. There was still anger in his blood, and he elected to stay on his toes, but any hostility was snuffed out by the girl's voice.

Farris only adjusted his hand to ruffle her hair.  “Well ye ain’t no Blue Thorn Beauty yerself,” Farris shot back at Cairo, then raised an eyebrow at him. “Ain’t ye a bit old fer being carried ‘round like a babe?”

Cairo raised a brow, then patted the chest behind him. "This one here's the baby when it comes down to it, little man. Now--" He cut himself off as if he had heard something. "Alright already," he grumbled at apparently nothing. "What do I have to do to get your sorry bag of bones to do something decent, eh? This boy's half starved."

"Cairo..." Ka hissed through his teeth. "I haven't done the work yet."

Farris huffed and rolled his eyes. “Yale,” he called without taking his eyes from the pair. “Go grab this one one ‘a the leftover meat pies.” He paused, reconsidering the man and his height. “Make that two.”

“Will do, boss,” Yale replied, flashing Ka a wide grin before running off towards the stairway that led into the kitchen proper. 

“I don’t run a charity here,” Farris told him sternly. “But if yer gonna be any use to me at all today, it wont be with an empty belly. Ye’ll eat and then ye’ll work. Understand?”

"No," Cairo said blatantly before Ka had a chance.

[heloflor]

Me : “I don’t think I should write characters that are explicitly neurodivergent because I don’t know that much about neurodiversity and I never take the time to know more. If I were to make a character who happens to have neurodivergent traits and call them neurodivergent, I might get it wrong and I don’t want to give a fic with bad or stereotypical representation in it, it’s unfair for those who can and wish to identify with the character. So if I write about a character that the fandom sees as neurodivergent, I will simply try to write them close to their canon personality; and if they happen to have traits that people can identify, I’ll just let other people do their own headacanons around it without touching on the topic myself.”

Also me :  “So :

- Vinnie Dakota absolutely adores animals. In the future, all animals are extinct, so in order to see animals, you either get a robot pet or you pay to have some time in a “place simulation” room and order it to simulate a field with holographic animals. Dakota learned about animals through books and often went to the simulation place or bough some stickers and other stuff from the rare places that still sold animal merch. He never got a robotic pet or never kept it for long because it’s too dull compared to a real animal, or should I say his thoughts of real animals.

- During his first mission, Dakota was ecstatic to see animals for the first time and, after the mission, spent a few hours looking at and petting the ones he could. In his house in the future, he has a room in which he displays animal-related stuff he got from his missions through time, like art or figurines or ornaments or even plushies etc. He might also sometimes take pictures of animals and put them with the souvenir he got from the same mission. He takes extra care of the stuff he has in this room and organizes it a certain way. He has the money to have a place with several rooms : as we see in “Picture Day”, once they got fired, Cavendish and Dakota had the money to go to Hawaii for an entire week and without knowing when and how they will get a new job, since Bob Block met them as they were about to leave for their vacation. Also Cavendish mentioned studying for 20 cycles, so this job doesn’t seem like a given. So being a time traveler seems to pay well.

- When he and Cavendish started dating (I headcanon them as starting to date 2 years after meeting a marrying 3 years later, so 5 years after meeting), everytime they went through a century they never or barely visited, Dakota would get a random souvenir, not always animal-related, along with a picture of either him, Cavendish or both of them. He puts these souvenirs and pictures in a different part of the room. The picture we see in their car in “Fungus Among Us” is from a mission in a place they visited before, but Dakota found the situation too funny to not take a picture.

- Every celebration (holidays, birthdays, dates important to them), Cavendish and Dakota would give each other gifts. Dakota always tries to find something related to Professor Time while Cavendish forces himself to break a few rules and go back in time without being ordered to so he can find something animal-related to Dakota. Dakota is always genuinely happy about these gifts, though he learned not to tease Cavendish about the whole “breaking the rules” situation. Those gifts are either stuff like fossils or skulls/bones or they’re stuff related to the culture of the time-period like watching tournaments in ancient Rome.

- When the two get married and buy a place together, Dakota makes sure it has a room large enough to put his growing collection. As time went by, it started to be less about animals and more about what they find during their missions, though the animal part is still very much there. Dakota refers to the room as “The memory room” while Cavendish calls it “Vinnie’s room”. Cavendish doesn’t spend that much time in it, though he absolutely loves the feeling of reminiscence the collection gives him. If he has guests at home, he tries to keep them away from the room. He knows how important it is for Dakota and doesn’t want it to be disrupted. Cavendish tried to get into Dakota’s passion but, while he found some stuff to be interesting, he’s not really into it compared to Dakota.

- After the events of the episode “We’re Going to the Zoo”, Dakota brought back tickets for his collection, along with a picture of him holding squirrels in his arms while another one has its head coming out of Dakota’s pants, near his feet. Dakota went back to the zoo several times and ended up learning what every animal was and in which section of the zoo they were.

- When the two are fired and banned, they only get like an hour to pack all their stuff. So Dakota uses some future deus ex machina technology, making their house surrounded by a barrier that only the two of them can open. That way, nobody can touch the house and, if they were to be able to go back to the future, which seems to be the case if season 2 was already thought of when “A Christmas Peril” was made, Dakota could find his collection intact, along with the rest of the house.

- Once stuck in the past, Dakota kind of gave up on doing a collection. They don’t have enough space and the realization that Cavendish could now die anytime put a lot on stress on him and most of his thoughts were on Cavendish. This stress started to dim out after the events of the second half of the season, when Dakota realized that maybe the world was done trying to get rid of Cavendish, given how the man was able to survive alone for about a month. During the first celebration they had since getting banned, Cavendish bought something animal-related as usual and it led Dakota to wish to start a collection again. Given the space and their current situation, this collection would mostly be pictures that he can keep in an album in a drawer. Cavendish would probably be the one to buy the album after realizing that Dakota started taking random pictures again.

- At some point, Cavendish learns that there’s a petting zoo in Danville and decides to use it as a birthday gift/surprise. Dakota has never been more in love with him than during the moment when he stepped out of the car and saw the place’s sign (with the exception of their wedding and honeymoon).

 …aaaannnd I just made Dakota have an hyperfixation, didn’t I ?

Though, to be honest, I really do want to write characters that are diverse, not only in terms of sexuality like I already do but also in upbringing and neurodiversity. Thing is, to write a neurodivergent character, I need to have the answer to these questions : How often do they stim ? What are the most common stims and what is and isn’t considered as such, aka what does the character does in the show that seems to be a stim ? How does the character acts/should act with others ? Which social cues do they understand ? Which ones do they not understand ? How to write a character that you can tell is neurodivergent without having to make them scream ‘I’m not neurotypical’; with instead having the only ‘confirmation’ of it being in the tags ? How to make them very excited about something without falling into the ‘autistic people are children’ stereotype ?

As long as I can’t answer these questions, I refuse to be an idiot and try to write about something I know I will mess up. And while I do have the curiosity and will to learn more, if not simply because I’m curious about neurodiversity, don’t expect me to write about it anytime soon. Right now my priority is to ‘digitalize’ all the dozen fics I wrote on paper (two of them had been in my writing pile for two years, and several for a year) while making the eventual post that comes to mind like this one.”

Edit : So a few weeks after making that post, I started to learn more about neurodiversity because being autistic makes you curious to know what kinds of behaviors are due to you not being neurotypical. And, as it had been pointed out, I’m not using the correct term here. I didn’t give Dakota a hyperfixation but a special interest. From what I understand, the difference is that hyperfixations stick to you constantly for a while (a few weeks or months), leading you to easily hyperfocus on the topic, before you suddenly start to get less invested in that interest. On the other hand, special interests can stick for months or sometimes years. And even if you’re not constantly thinking about your interest, it’s still there in a corner of your mind and you never get tired of it and keep the knowledge you accumulated to talk about it anytime.

So yeah, I gave Dakota a special interest. The reason why I thought it was a hyperfixation is because I see this term be very often associated with ADHD and a lot of people see Dakota as having ADHD. But still, my bad for mixing up the two. And the reason I didn’t edit the post sooner is because it kind of slipped out of my mind until I made a new post today that mentions this one. Sorry for that too.

[jgvfhl]

Number Lads!!

GUYS I hit 700 followers today?? Amazing. So, I worked extra hard to get this part up and finished for ya!

Part 2/??? Read Part 1 here :) Words: about 4k, no warnings

So I remembered the Battle of Kamino is a thing. And I had just put Sevenset in Rancor battalion. Whoops! But, if you know anything about me, you know nothing really bad happens.

CT-2222 = Do-si-do = Double Trouble

CT-3333 = Trees = Green Bean

CC-6666 = Sixes = DEATH

ARC-7777 = Sevenset = ARCBoiiiii

CT-8888 = Loops = Loopy

Reading the inventory lists from the datapad in his hands was increasingly difficult. Loops rubbed his eyes and shook his head roughly, trying to refocus, to put the overwhelming feeling of helplessness behind him. The whole Wolfpack felt similarly. Every announcement over the PA system made them jump. General Koon was using his limited free time to gather with groups of troopers to help ease their minds, and it was helping, but the general had chosen an uphill battle.

Kamino was under attack. The closest thing any clone had to a home, and the Separatists were trying to destroy it. The Wolfpack hadn’t been called to the front, as was their normal position. When the battle cleared, and the dust settled, they would be there to help pick up the pieces, until another assignment called them away.

So they waited.

Worse for Loops, he knew Sevenset was in the thick of things, following the ARC commanders at the helm of the defensive actions. He knew the ARCs were the best soldiers on Kamino, and he knew the 501st and 212th had boots on the ground as well, and Generals Ti, Skywalker, and Kenobi would be there with them. He knew this. But it barely helped ease his worries.

Technically, the next Numbers meeting wouldn’t be for another three weeks, but Do-si-do had commed everyone to ask if they wanted to move up the date because of the battle. Obviously, they hadn’t heard much from Sevenset. Or from Commander Sixes, but that wasn’t as much of a worry. He was a commander, he had a whole Star Fighter wing to lead into battle. Still, the radio silence only made Loops more uneasy. But Trees and Loops had agreed to meet with Do-si-do, at least, and that would start in about ten minutes.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Loops tried to put aside the gnawing worry in his mind to finish this inventory before the meeting. It wouldn’t be fair to hand over a half-finished inventory to the next guy on shift. So he slogged through it, walking around the denoted section of the Lightbolt’s cargo hold, reading the crates, scrolling through his datapad, until he was finally done. As he left the hold, he handed off the device to Tanner, one of the officers overseeing inventory at the moment.

“All set, sir.”

“Thanks, Loops. Get some rest.”

“Will do.”

He didn’t rest, not really. When he got to his bunk, he propped himself up against his pillow at the head of his bunk, waiting the last few minutes until Do-si-do sent the transmission to start the meeting.

“Hey, Loops.”

He looked up at the face looking upside down at him from the top bunk. “Hey, Racket.” Loops was always grateful his bunkmate never complained about some of the late-night Numbers Meetings.

“How you holding up?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“I know you’ve got a buddy in Rancor, just wanted to check in.”

The knot of worry in his gut tightened. “Yeah.” His voice felt hollow. “Thanks, Racket.”

“Haven’t heard anything yet, huh?”

Loops shook his head. “Two and Three and I are having a call soon to talk it out.”

“Ah,” Racket said, “I’ll give you some space.”

“Thanks,” Loops said, although his brother’s head had already retreated to his own bunk. Right on cue, his comm blinked its light. He hadn’t had the chance to get a holoprojector today. But he would be able to hear the others.

“Hey, Trees,” Do-di-do’s voice had a smile in it. “Loops?”

“Couldn’t get a projector today, sorry,” Loops said. “I can still hear you.”

“Oh, good.”

“Hi, Loops,” Trees said.

“Hey, Trees.”

“How’s the Pack?” Do-si-do asked.

Loops shrugged, before remembering they couldn’t see him. “It’s… well, you know. Everyone’s on edge. The general’s been helping though.”

Trees agreed. “Yeah, General Unduli and Commander Offee have been holding group mediations for the ones who want it.”

“I’ve heard General Windu’s working on that too, but…. He’s busy as all hell.”

“Yeah, High Generals usually are,” Loops said.

“Anyone else… find it kinda weird, though?” Do-si-do furthered.

“What do you mean?”

“Like… I dunno. I didn’t expect the Jedi to care this much.”

“Oh,” Trees said flatly.

“I mean--obviously, they care if Kamino is attacked,” he went on. “Because it’s producing the whole damn army, but I never thought they’d… do all this.”

It was a fair reaction. Most clones, upon encountering their generals, were a little unsettled at how… human they were. Loops had certainly had a learning curve when he’d joined the 104th. General Koon was… amazing. So, honestly, Loops hadn’t been surprised when he had offered to help his troopers through the stress of the Kamino attack. But, Do-si-do had always been a bit skeptical of the Jedi, even though, from what Loops had heard of General Windu, he would regularly go out of his way to defend his men.

“I’m not complaining,” Loops said.

There was a longer than normal pause afterwards. He eyed the blinking light on his wrist comm, wondering. It wasn’t uncommon for the signal to get interrupted by space travel.

“What are you boys gossiping about now?” Ah. Not space travel. Just Commander Sixes. His brain did a mental double take as that thought formed. Just Commander Sixes.

“Oh, uh…” Do-si-do searched for words. Trees was probably frozen again. “Just… thought some of us could use the conversation. With Kamino under attack. And all.”

There was a gruff, nonverbal reply from the commander.

“Don’t suppose you got any updates we laymen didn’t, sir?” Do-si-do asked cautiously. Loops couldn’t help leaning towards his comm. Even a little news would help…

“None any of you have clearance for.”

Loops rolled his eyes, falling back against his pillow. He should have expected it. But that didn’t make it any less disappointing.

“Sir, you know the point of this call was to ease stress, not make it worse?” Do-si-do replied.

“Armor up, shiny, we’re at war.”

_____

ARCBoiiiii: Guess who’s not dead!!!!

Loopy: kriff is it over???

ARCBoiiiii: Yep! Sent the clankers running and the Hairless Harpy and Evil Spider Legs too

Green Bean: did you just nickname… Grievous and Ventress?

ARCBoiiiii: what’s it to ya?

Loopy: are you okay sevens?

ARCBoiiii: aw loopy were you worried?

Loopy: get karked

Loopy: ...but yeah

ARCBoiiiii: where’s do-si-do?

Green Bean: dunno. might be on the wing.

Loopy: sevenset. are. you. okay.

ARCBoiiiii: ah okay. and yes! i am okay, loops. little sore, but i’m not hurt. Rancor’s casualties weren’t bad.

Double Trouble: SEVENSET YOU SONAUVA HUTT HOW ARE YOU

ARCBoiiiii: Do-si-do!!!!!! im okay :D

ARCBoiiiii: Cmdrs havoc + colt in medical tho… colt had a run-in with ventress i guess

Loopy: oh kriff--

DEATH: he’s alive after that?

DEATH: … really, boys? the name?

Double Trouble: Sevenset’s idea sir

ARCBoiiiii: Do-si-dos idea

ARCBoiiiii: kark dammit

Double Trouble: beat u haha

Loopy: lol

Green Bean: How ironic. He survives Kamino only to be reaped by Death later

DEATH: ha

Double Trouble: 0.0

ARCBoiiiii: i feel unsafe

Loopy: trees where has that biting wit been hiding my friend

ARCBoiiiii: WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT SOMETHING IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!

Double Trouble: ??????

ARCBoiiiii: I FOUND NUMBER FIVE

Loopy: Yay!! He was the one in 501st right?

ARCBoiiiii: yeah! pretty damn good sniper too from what i heard. AND GUESS WHAT ELSE

Green Bean: There’s more?

ARCBoiiiii: He and his batcher got promoted to ARCs so THEY’RE STUCK WITH MEEEEE

DEATH: I almost pity them.

Green Bean: ha

Loopy: wait what’s his name??

ARCBoiiiii: fives

Double Trouble: oof unoriginal

DEATH: Oh really, Do-si-do?

Double Trouble: wait no

Loopy: do-si-do it’s been nice knowing you

Double Trouble: nO WAIT it’s hardly fair, you’ve got Death as a name too

DEATH: Sure thing. Anyway, Fives and his batcher are Rex’s freaks, and he always takes his ARCs with him. They’ll be gone after graduation.

ARCBoiiiii: aw shucks :(

Double Trouble: that’s still like… almost three months tho

ARCBoiiiii: yessssss i’ll drag em into the next couple holos

Green Bean: But… it’s just Fives that has the repeating number, right?

ARCBoiiiii: well yeah but they’re practically inseparable, i’d feel bad

DEATH: that’s pathetic

ARCBoiiiii: one of these days we’ll find a recruit you actually like

DEATH: No

Double Trouble: speaking of, did you find number nine? Isn’t he in the 212th?

ARCBoiiiii: no… I’ll ask around, the orangios are still planetside for a bit. and i’m still on the lookout for a cadet 1111!

Loopy: glad you’re alive

ARCBoiiiii: *mwah*

Loopy: aaaaand now I’m not

-----

For the second time in about two minutes, Fives once again lagged a step so he could reach back and tug Echo along by the sleeve. “Keep up, will you?”

“Fives--”

“I don’t want to hear it, Echo, I told you already.”

His batchmate wasn’t going quiet without debate. “But we’re supposed--”

“--to be doing something very boring, now quit complaining.”

“It’s ARC training, Fives,” Echo hissed, yanking his sleeve away, but keeping pace with him behind Sevenset. “It’s all important, even if it’s boring.”

Their leader turned around, walking backwards as he said, “Well… I mean, I’ll be honest, I’ve never used the desert field training once, so…” He shrugged.

“Yeah, because you live on an ocean planet,” Echo pointed out.

“Pays off,” the ARC trooper grinned.

“Doesn’t it get kinda boring, though?” Fives asked. “The same planet over and over?”

“Boring?” Sevenset turned briefly to avoid a squad of junior cadets being led by medic. “Nah, not boring. Maybe the scenery leaves something to be desired, but hey--so did Coruscant. But helping to train brothers like you two? Never boring.”

“I think Fives would have to try to be boring.”

“I’m boring when I sleep.”

Echo turned a skeptical look on him.

“What?”

“What do you mean ‘what?’ you snore like a rancor--”

Remembering who was walking with them, they both looked at Sevenset to add, “No offense.”

And then Fives cut right back in with a rebuttal. “Well maybe I wouldn’t snore if I didn’t have your entire weight on top of me?”

Echo waved a hand dismissively. “Oh, no no no, don’t you pull that argument--”

Fives scoffed. “I am absolutely pulling that argument--”

“You snored on Rishi, and we all used our own bunks.”

That was true. They hadn’t had a reason to share until after…. “Okay, but how do you know that wasn’t Cutup?”

“Cutup--!” Echo’s incredulous tone was somewhat marred by the smile creeping onto his face. Their arguments could never keep a serious face for too long. “You don’t snore in a kriffing accent, Fives!”

Fives could no longer keep the smile off his face either, and he gave Echo a gentle shove with his shoulder. “Okay, you got me.” The gesture was returned a little more violently. Then they noticed Sevenset had come to a stop by a door, and they pulled themselves together to face him.

“You guys were on Rishi Moon?” Sevenset asked, passing his vambrace in front of the control panel to open the door. He gestured them in.

It was a small meeting room--very small, from the others Fives had seen. The holotable jutting out from the far wall probably left room for about seven people. He and Echo stood to one side of the door, hands behind their backs. Fives decided against asking why Sevenset had access to to this place.

“Yessir, we were the last men stationed there.” Echo’s answer was curt, almost blunt, but kept carefully under the veneer of professionalism he managed so much better than Fives did. It had become their standard answer for Rishi questions.

Sevenset glanced over at them from where he was typing at the holotable. “Echo, buddy, I just commandeered you from under your CO’s nose. You can drop the ‘sir.’” He looked back to the blue holograms in front of him. “So were you the ones who blew up the all-clear signal? Saved us a hell of a lot of trouble around here, I’ll tell you that. Should be thanking you.”

“There’s… no need for that.” Echo’s voice shrank slightly, his eyes dropping towards the floor. Fives sighed as quietly as he could, silently bracing for the unpleasant exchange that was sure to follow that deflection.

“Really? I hope you got medals or something, though,” Sevenset replied. He finished typing and stepped back from the table, facing them. “How’d you do it, anyway? Not easy to blow a base like that.”

“No…” Fives agreed hollowly, hoping the ARC would eventually get the karking hint and change the subject. There were already a half dozen scenes of memory playing through the back of his mind as he did his best to pointedly ignore them.

“Liquid tibana.”

He turned to look at Echo, who caught the unasked question in his eyes.

“He asked,” his batchmate shrugged helplessly, now looking anywhere except at their faces.

Sevenset’s eyebrows rose, crinkling the tattoos on his scalp, and he nodded. “Yeah, I guess LT would do the trick, wouldn’t it?”

Nope. Not getting the hint. And Echo--Maker bless him--would keep answering his questions even if it gave him a panic attack. Maybe ARC training could help him kick that habit.

“Did they really send commando droids--”

Fives didn’t let him finish. “Look, Sevenset, we don’t really like talking about Rishi.” Next to him, he noticed some of the tension leave Echo’s shoulders. “Our whole batch was stationed there, and, aside from Commander Cody and Captain Rex, we’re the only ones who survived that attack.”

Sevenset blinked, realization hitting like a splash of cold water. “Oh. Yeah, of course,” he looked down, scuffing one of his boots on the floor without much enthusiasm. “Sorry about  that. Should’ve realized.”

Fives dipped his head, acknowledging the apology. He knew Sevenset hadn’t meant any harm by asking, but at least he’d apologized. The holotable made a noise, and Sevenset practically flew to answer the incoming transmission. Fives couldn’t blame him for wanting to dissipate the uncomfortable silence that had followed his apology. He nudged Echo with his elbow, and they moved closer, still shoulder-to-shoulder, as the first two holograms appeared.

The first clone they saw sat in what looked like a cockpit, although “sitting” was a generous term. More like lounging. His head was shaved on the right side, and the long curls left were bleached and dyed a cold white. His face lit up upon recognizing Sevenset.

“You are alive!”

“Of course I’m alive, Do-si-do,” the ARC replied, once again all smiles. “I am almost offended you thought my first fight with Rancor would finish me.”

The second clone--in recognizably 104th gear--gave a tiny smile. “Here I am surprised Do-si-do hasn’t gotten a surprise visit from Death after his remarks about originality in the chat.”

The pilot, Do-si-do, made a show of looking under and behind his seat. “Nope, all clear. Sorry to disappoint, Loopy.”

“My name’s not Loopy.” He turned to look at Fives and Echo. “My name’s not Loopy, it’s just Loops.” Kind of a fun name, really. Fives wondered what his number was. Eight, probably?

“And for once you beat Trees here,” Sevenset remarked. Another hologram appeared. “Ooh, but not by much.”

Trees, by the looks of his armor, was in the 41st. But, unlike the others, he looked downright regulation, like Echo. “Sorry, I got stuck behind a gonk droid in the hall.” Catching sight of Fives and Echo, he added, “Oh, are these the new guys?”

“Yep!” Sevenset looked to them.

Without warning, Echo’s hand appeared, grabbing Fives by the jaw and turning his head to the left. “And you’ll never guess which one of us is named Fives.”

Fives swatted his hand away, Echo ducking the half-hearted attempt to put him in a headlock. “I am going to kill you,” he growled at his batchmate’s stupidly smug expression. So he liked the number; he had a good reason to like the number!

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with it, come on,” Sevenset smiled. “You and Loops can match.”

Loops turned his face so the tattoo on his right cheek was visible. An infinity symbol? Stylized number eight? “First thing I did when I got the chance.”

“How’s ARC training treating you two, then?” Do-si-do asked with a smile.

Fives glanced at Echo. “Not too bad,” he answered with a shrug.

“Yet,” Echo added.

Sevenset smirked and nodded knowingly. “Emphasis on ‘yet,’” he agreed. “Right about the three- or four-week mark, you’ll really start regretting some life choices.”

“You survived, though,” Trees pointed out. “Can’t be that bad if they managed to drag you over the finish line.”

“I do have more than one personality trait, you know.”

“Whaaat?” Do-si-do shook his head. “Can’t believe you’re more than your carefree facade. Actually upset now.”

Sevenset raised an eyebrow at him, but Do-si-do ignored the silent challenge and just blew him a kiss through the screen. Sevenset had mentioned he and “number two” had started this group, and now Fives could indeed understand they knew each other pretty well.

“Wait,” Loops spoke up. “What’s your name?” He gestured a little vaguely towards the two batchmates.

“Oh.” Echo straightened up a bit. “I’m Echo.”

Loops waved at him.

“Is this everyone?” Fives asked, looking to Sevenset. He had mentioned the group wasn’t “complete” yet, but he hadn’t expected it to be this small.

The other four shook their heads. Sevenset answered. “No, there’s still the commander, but we don’t pretend to know when or if he’s gonna show. The others--number one, number nine, number four, and zero--we haven’t found yet.”

“And Commander Fox wants nothing to do with us, thanks to Sevenset,” Do-si-do added.

“Also true.”

Echo’s confused expression matched the questions Fives had in mind. He didn’t know Commander Fox’s number off the top of his head. Echo probably did. He’d known the captain’s and Commander Cody’s like that. But… there was another commander? They turned to look at Sevenset together, although two different questions came out of their mouths.

“What commander?” Fives asked.

“You asked Commander Fox?” Echo said at the same time.

They didn’t get answers. Well. Not explicitly. A fourth hologram appeared beside Loops, Trees, and Do-si-do. The single pauldron denoted rank. The full kit of black armor, helmet included, didn’t give many other details. So. That commander. Whoever that commander was…

Next to him, Echo tensed, just barely, but Fives could read him too well to miss it. He looked over. Fives recalled his batchmate’s reaction to meeting the captain and Commander Cody for the first time. They had reputations, they had stories, and Fives had been right with him in that sense of awe--aside from the whole… being invaded by commando droids… thing that had been happening at the same time. And right now Echo kind of looked like that. But his expression had none of the subtle reverence Fives remembered. More… fear? Not quite. He’d seen Echo scared. Who was this guy? And why couldn’t Fives place him?

“Hey, Commander,” Do-si-do greeted, like there was nothing strange about a commander in all-black armor appearing on their holotable. None of them had even gone to attention. That was a little odd.

The commander folded his arms across his chest and grunting a nonverbal reply. His visor landed on Fives and Echo. Again, Fives saw Echo’s whole body stiffen in his periphery. “New guys?” the commander eventually asked, his voice sounding an awful lot like Alpha-17’s gruff speech.

“Yep,” Sevenset nodded, not even addressing him as sir. “This is Fives, that’s his batcher Echo, and you have magically chosen to appear right when they started asking questions about you.”

“These the inseparable ones?” This man had absolutely no variation in tone, and it was going to get creepy.

“Looks like it,” Loops replied.

The commander stared at them for a few more seconds, before giving another wordless huff and looking away. “No one’s inseparable.”

Fives did not like the chill that sent down his spine, despite the words having, as before, no discernible emotional tone. Behind his back, his hand tightened around the opposite wrist, the dull pain momentarily distracting his mind from the commander’s implication. Glancing to Echo, he saw his brother’s jaw clench, his mouth pressed into a line as he stared down the holograms. Fives shuffled closer until their shoulders and arms touched, feeling his brother lean into him.

Sevenset looked between them and the holotable before taking half a step sideways towards them. “Okay, Commander Dark and Angsty, maybe don’t scare away the new guys? Thanks.”

The commander’s helmet tilted up ever so slightly--probably rolling his eyes--but he stayed quiet.

“And that,” Sevenset went on, turning to Fives and Echo, “is Commander Sixes, AKA Commander Death, and yes, he is always like that.”

Finally, it clicked in Fives’ mind. He knew about Commander Death, he just hadn’t seen any images of him. Sithspit, no wonder Echo had reacted like that. The Death Wings were downright terrifying by word-of-mouth, and that--that was their commander.

And these guys were just… chatting with him. They chatted with him… regularly. Sevenset didn’t even call him sir. What in the nine hells…?

The commander’s visor went to Sevenset. “How are Colt and Havoc? Haven’t had a chance to comm them.”

“Mm? Oh. Commander Colt’s just got out of medical. Commander Havoc got out a couple rotations ago.” Sevenset shrugged. “That’s all I’ve got.”

Fives had seen Commander Havoc during training yesterday. He’d walked a little stiffly, but from what he’d heard about his injuries, walking at all was pretty damn good.

“Did you ever find number nine?” Loops asked. “In the two-twelfth?”

“Eh…” Sevenset held up a hand palm-down and tilted it back and forth. “Sort of. I got confirmation he is in with Commander Cody’s boys, and that his name is Nines, but that’s all. Never got eyes on him or a frequency, or I would’ve patched him in.”

Echo opened his mouth, then closed it. Fives nudged him to speak. He’d already drawn attention from Loops, Trees, and Do-si-do anyway. “Well, just--Torrent works with Commander Cody’s men more often than most. We could keep an eye out for him.”

“Once we’re back with the company,” Fives added.

“Oh yeah,” Sevenset nodded. “Totally. Thanks.”

“Any word on the others we’re looking for?” Trees asked.

Sevenset shook his head. “No luck with number one over here. Still haven’t found any cadet with that number.”

Do-si-do added, “The ninety-first has leave in three weeks. My company will be on Coruscant for about a ten-day. Anyone else?”

“I’ll check,” the commander said, reaching out of frame for something.

While he was silent, Loops put in, “Well, the Wolfpack won’t be off for another month and a bit.”

Trees nodded. “The forty-first is still on for another two months.”

“And obviously the three of us aren’t going anywhere,” Sevenset said, tilting his head towards Fives and Echo. “Gotta say, that is one thing I miss about being in the Guard. Can’t see everyone when they’re on leave.”

“The one-eighteenth has leave in about a month,” the commander finally reported. “Should overlap with the ninety-first for a few days. Maybe you can find zero in there. My fighters have a mission with the Nova Corps coming up, too. I’ll see if I can find number four.”

A smug smile appeared on Sevenset’s face. “I thought you once said you weren’t our recruiter, Commander.”

The commander stared at him for half a moment, then answered, “The Marines won’t have leave for another six months. You want to find number four? This is how you do it.”

The ARC nodded, his smile never changing. “Okay, alright, I get it. We won’t tell anyone you like us.”

The commander huffed quietly, then muttered, “I’m still surprised Alpha-17 didn’t beat that attitude out of you over there.”

Echo smirked. “Well, at least that means there’s hope for Fives.”

Fives shouldered him. “Hey, I haven’t done anything.”

“Yet.��

Sevenset grinned at Fives, who found himself returning a small smile. Trees pinched the bridge of his nose. “Maker help us, there’s two of them.”

“Something wrong with that, Trees?” the ARC replied with mock severity. Fives would admit, he did like Sevenset. He liked seeing a higher ranking soldier maintain a lighter sense of humor. Most of the Teth survivors in Torrent had a dark streak--Coric might have it the worst, actually, and it was rubbing off on Kix.

“Nothing wrong, just means I’ll have to explain to my medics why my blood pressure’s so high.”

Do-si-do and Sevenset laughed, and Loops smiled. The commander just shook his head. Yeah, Fives could get used to this.

-----

Edit: I FORGOT TAGS @nl13 @darth-void @glubtheflyingfish (sorry i missed you in part 1) @blsmjoon @23-bears @theultimatesandwich @peacefulwizardfox @alamogirl80

[maxwell-grant]

You are your top 5 Shadow agents

I don’t talk about the Agents as much as I should, even though I constantly try to stress their importance, because I’m working on essays for them individually. To be honest, I think about the Agents practically every day to the point I have a hard time separating my headcanons from the actual canon material, but I have to stay true to it, and the lack of material regarding them means that the only way I can truly talk about their characterization is by diving deep into the novels and taking notes, which I don’t have much time to do, and then finding the right books or moments to talk about, which is even more difficult. 

This by no means constitutes my big thinkpiece on them, but it’s a start, and ultimately narrowing it down was a lot harder than I expected. This order is by no means final, if you asked me this question next week or next month I’d probably have a different answer, but it’s the 5 that I find myself thinking on the most. 

Honorable mentions: Jericho Druke and Myra Reldon, who are incredibly awesome characters conceptually and who have great moments each, and whom I definitely think deserve big turns on the spotlight if the Agents ever get put on the spotlight again, but are held back by issues with their presentation and lack of prominence. Margo Lane, whom only just narrowly missed the cut because, as much as I like her and think she gets an underseved bad rep and definitely has great things going for her, I sadly have to concede isn’t as consistently great or well-written as she should be. Clyde Burke, whom I definitely like a lot based on what I’ve read and consider an integral part of the line-up, but haven’t read enough of the novels he’s in to really solidify him as one of my favorites just yet. And Slade Farrow, who is a bit too complicated to talk about superficially.

Allright, so here they are

Number 5: Burbank

As the center of all communications within The Shadow’s network and the only character in the series who is even more mysterious and elusive than The Shadow himself, Burbank is fascinating and the kind of character who simultaneously seems to be both begging for an in-depth exploration and yet who also should be dead last on the list of mysteries about the series we want spoiled, because nobody wants the mystery ruined. He’s a bit of cipher personality-wise compared to the other agents, but he kind of has to be, and I think it helps to illustrate the many forms the agents of The Shadow can and should take, that one of them is this total mystery whom we know nothing about and yet is so vital to the whole thing. And it’s interesting also because, for all the many variations we’ve had on The Shadow’s life and thoughts and feelings and etc over the years, Burbank has stayed more or less the same. Whatever variations he’s had in design aside, Burbank just is. 

The pulps did often have moments where we would get to see moments that told us a little more about Burbank, gestures he did, capabilities he had and didn’t have, little details Gibson would sprinkle in to keep people fascinated. Several scenes with Burbank are almost presented like you’re watching a movie, in the way Gibson keeps describing his face being mysteriously blocked from view by objects or lighting, like not even in your mind you are supposed to know what he is. And it’s all the more fascinating because, unlike The Shadow, as far as we know, Burbank is just some guy who’s good with tech, who was only recruited in the 2nd story but apparently knows The Shadow from before it, and whom The Shadow entrusted with virtually every secret necessary to keep his operations running. 

It’s kind of a sign as to how utterly neglected the agents are that, to this day, few writers who’ve ever touched The Shadow has ever come close to giving us any sort of explanation or backstory or anything on Burbank, and I refuse to believe these people had that much self-control. Of course I have my own ideas for Burbank, but even I would hesitate to put them on a story, because Burbank epitomizes that double-edged sword that comes with a solid narrative mystery. Burbank just is, and hopefully he will stay that way. 

Number 4: Dr Roy Tam

Mention of Dr. Tam meant much to Sayre. He was acquainted with Roy Tam, the Chinese physician. He knew that Tam was a power in Chinatown; one who worked for good

Unrolling a map, Tam showed the entire Manhattan area, studded with tiny dots in districts quite remote from Chinatown.

"These represent my outposts," he said soberly. "They are places, owned by Chinese - restaurants, laundries, curio shops, other places of business. In each of these places, I have a friend."

The Shadow understood. Dr. Tam was the motivating factor among the Chinese who adapted themselves to American ways. His mission was to create good will among races, to put an end to prejudice and superstition.

A newer and more sober spirit had replaced the old and dangerous festivities. Feuds in Chinatown were a thing of the forgotten past. Dr. Tam and his associates had done much to bring about the present sentiment; but there were persons - even among that group - who felt regret at the passing of old traditions.

Dr Tam is a remarkably layered character for one that only appears in about ten stories, and he’s one of the agents I’m most eager to discuss in-depth. He’s another one of those agents that Gibson introduced by tricking you into seeing him as a villain, as a Yellow Peril cliche, until he is revealed to be in fact a good man. Not just good, Roy Tam is presented as a powerful, influential and cunning Chinese man with a lot of assistants secretly working for him, and who is consistently presented as a progressive, pacifistic, benevolent civic leader and ally, even friend, of The Shadow. 

Tam is very much westernized and the stories paint that mostly as a good thing, and this is one of the areas that I think could very much result in an interesting story that looks at the ramifications of his role, because of course not everyone is going to agree with his viewpoints, of course him being an advocate against superstition and tradition isn’t necessarily a good thing (and it’s not how Yat Soon, The Shadow’s other major Chinese ally, works, which puts the two at odds), and of course it’s a complicated situation, but the fact that Tam invites this kind of debate at all I think is something very interesting

Largely because of the movie, Dr Tam is one of the few agents of The Shadow who’s managed to sustain appearences in modern stories, and none of them have ever really went with his original angle as a powerful civic leader. Instead he’s been largely painted as either a scientist, like in the movie, a general practitioner, and a psychiatrist, and his age has been all over the board. 

I prefer him in his original form but I also very much like the idea of Roy Tam being, like the Chinese supervillains he was created to be a subversion of, an incredible genius who’s got skills in all fields that can fit under the “Dr” part of his job and is also an incredibly capable leader able to unify splintered communities under a cause of unity and cooperation, someone who absolutely could be the adventuring genius so many other pulp heroes are, except he dedicates himself wholesale to his community and the fight against prejudice and the betterment of lives, even if he’s misguided or wrong at some of the causes he takes up. I really think this character could partake in really great stories if ever brought back.

Number 3: Cliff Marsland

(Fan-art by @cryptixcreations)

Cliff may have actually been the first agent I really fell in love with based on concept alone, even before I read the stories he was a part of and started loving all of the others. He’s one of the few agents who has prior history with The Shadow and we get ever so tantalizing hints at his background that we ultimately never get to learn about in full. He’s the resident tough guy and underworld contact of The Shadow, which in any other series might have made him the biggest badass and a loner action hero who’s too cool for things like thinking and relying on others for help. But here, trying to be that only gets Cliff into trouble, and circumstances gradually morph him into the series equivalent of a Team Dad. 

He was one of the agents who we got to see develop as a character. As he appears more frequently past his introduction, he grows from a headstrong, careless jackass, mostly interested in the action parts of the job, who “resigned himself to an adventurous career with violent death as its inevitable termination”, into one of the most reliable and capable agents, taking the lead during action scenes but otherwise fully defering leadership to Harry, and being the agent most likely to partake in gunfights and rescue The Shadow out of trouble, joining in missions like infiltrating circuses or high-society clubs and forming very strong friendships with Harry, Clyde & Hawkeye, who almost kills a man with his bare hands when he thinks Harry’s been killed. He’s the hardass, square-jawed ex-con who plays the reputation of a brutal killer, and is in reality a great friend, ally and husband (Arline has sadly only been mentioned in three stories), on top of being an invaluable fighter and secret agent.

Cliff could have easily been the protagonist of a long-running series all his own and that’s one of my favorite aspects of The Shadow’s agents. They are people with agency, goals and dreams and relationships and lives beyond the roles they play, they all have strengths and weaknesses and faults and positives that bring them much closer to us than The Shadow could ever be, with no end to the variety of roles they can take, and Cliff in particular is a character I’m very attached to. 

I do hope that he eventually found peace in a quiet life with Arline once his business with The Shadow was over.

Number 2: Harry Vincent

The Shadow as a franchise has been vastly worse off as a result of Harry Vincent being completely sidelined and mischaracterized in virtually every adaptation since, and the sheer love that Shadow fans hold for Harry purely may be the closest thing to a true universal opinion in the fandom. 

Harry is a lot of things: the audience surrogate, the protagonist of much of the early stories, the leader of the agents in field duty, the dude in distress who gets kidnapped far more than even Margo, a hopeless romantic, an action hero, the one who gets sent to recruit agents because all The Shadow has to do is send Harry on an assignment and wait for him to come back with a new friend. He is a competent, resourceful, strong, extremely kind ball of sunshine who's got the potential for greatness, even if he can't see it. 

And for this post I’m going to highlight this: Harry is, on top of all that, the ultimate embodiment of what The Shadow strives to protect, help and uplift. He is the living proof that The Shadow's mission has a good, positive effect in the world, long after criminals are brought to justice and plots are failed and victims are rescued, purely by the fact that he’s alive and helping others who were once like him. Someone who, despite having so much to offer, could have easily been swept away by the world’s callousness and cruelty, if The Shadow wasn’t there to rescue him and uplift him.

I liked The Shadow pretty much at first sight after seeing the character’s design and listening to episodes of the radio show, and my appreciation for the character grew after reading The Shadow’s Shadow, but it wasn’t until I encountered @oldschoolcrimefighters and her brilliantly informative writings on The Shadow and Harry that I not only fell in love with the series, but decided to do everything in my power to try and get other people to love it too and see the potential it has. I think a lot more people should at least be aware of why Harry matters. 

Number 1: Moe Shrevnitz

I was honestly a bit surprised when I rounded up all of the agents to make this list and Shrevy here ended up in Number One, but in hindsight, it may have been obvious all along. 

My reasonings as to why Shrevy is my favorite agent do get a bit too personal, especially because of something that happened to me as I was writing this post, so I’m putting it on a separate post here. 

[arknights-imagines]

Oooo for the Christmas letter/gift event could I request dobermann writing to her fem!operator s/o who is stationed further away for the holidays please? I'm soft for her 🥺

From, Dobermann

Christmas Letter and Gift event

It was so cold; you really should’ve bought a thicker coat, though in your defense, you hadn't been expecting to be sent out on an extended Operation for the Holidays, especially not one in the outskirts of Kjerag, the literal snow realm.

Returning to the Rhodes Island camp with the rest of your squad, you put your weapon away with a sigh, watching as your breath fogs up before you. Your squad captain nods at you all, firmly reminding you and your squadmates to prepare to escort another convey in a few hours. With a salute and word of affirmation, you part ways with your squad, heading back to your assigned cabin.

“[Name]?” The relief on your face dissipates immediately when you hear your captain calling for you. Expecting to be assigned with a new task that would leave you with even less time to rest, you answered with a less than eager nod.

The dread on your face was gone in an instant when you were handed a package; a plain, lightweight cardboard box. You accept it and lift a brow, “Who’s this from?” Your squad captain shrugs, “No idea, a messenger from back at Rhodes Island delivered it earlier today and told me to give it to you. You can deal with it inside, it’s cold out here.”

You can't disagree with that - with a respectful salute, you part ways with the captain, finally able to step into the warmth of your cabin.

Exhausted, you shed your coat and toss your weapon aside before sitting on the edge of your cot with the package in your lap. There’s no sender’s or recipient’s address or name, and you don't remember ordering anything - regardless, you open it to satisfy your curiosities. Upon opening it, you briefly inspect its contents; nothing in particular catches your eye, but the first thing you see is a sheet of paper stamped with the Rhodes Island insignia. Just from the neat, slanted handwriting creating paragraphs on the page, an expression of serenity comes over your face as you realize just who the package is from.

--------------------

[Name],

I regret not being able to express these thoughts to you in person, but in our situation there isn't much that can be done. So, this cardboard box and its contents are my compromise.

I may be risking my job if I say this, but I find the Doctor's decision to dispatch you so far away at such late notice is unwarranted - and so close to the Holidays as well… you should've called me, I would've given them quite the earful. What's passed is passed, however, and if the Doctor finds its best, then I can't argue.

I hadn't expected much to change around Rhodes island during Christmastime, but against my expectations, everything practically exploded with festivities. Bright lights hanging from the walls and the atmosphere filled with this mushy warmth despite the fact the weather is freezing outside - ha, can you believe the newbies even expected an extended break from the training program because of the holiday season? Maybe it’s too harsh of me to deny them any sort of vacation...but the way I see it, war doesn't pause its advances just because of Christmas, so neither should we.

To be honest, Christmas and its traditions aren't something I particularly enjoy; it’s all a little tacky. Maybe it's because as a military woman Holidays were never something I had the luxury of enjoying, but that's besides the point. There’s been various attempts to try and put me into the “Christmas Spirit”, but they've been useless for the most part, and end up in awkwardness or embarrassment - while I appreciate everyone's efforts, it's more of a hassle than anything.

Ha, just today, one of the trainees gifted me a box of pricey, Siracusian hot chocolate; yeah, chocolate…. It’s not their fault, after all, chocolate is widely loved by many people. I just happen to be part of the minority who can't stand it. Besides, something that sugary would ruin my diet; I’ll most likely just end up leaving it in the staff lounge or cafeteria for anyone to take. Hm….I’ll deal with it, don't worry about me.

Other than the Holidays, a few other things have been on my mind. For one, you forgot your heavier coat at home, and it's practically a 24 hour long blizzard outside; don’t freeze out there, or there might just be fifty laps around the training grounds waiting for you upon your return to Rhodes Island. But in all seriousness - [Name], be careful out there. Back here at Rhodes Island, festivities are in full swing and most things have been light hearted, but where you are, you don't have the luxury of slacking off or getting sloppy.

Ha, now that I think about it, a lot of my thoughts have been about you. Maybe it’s concern for your safety as your boss, or maybe it’s me as your lover missing you and your company. You know [name], if you told my past self that you were going to be my lover in time, I probably would have laughed at you in a dry, unamused tone. If something happens to you out there...Don’t be an idiot; follow your orders.

On a more heartening note…I decided to purchase something for you. It's a gift; Don't ask me when or why I bought it, but I’ve had it for some time. I just wasn't certain when the appropriate time to give it to you would be. Presents are meant to be exchanged during the Holiday season, so I’m giving it to you now. It’s not very extravagant or eye-catching, but it’s a gift nonetheless.

“Christmas Spirit”, huh? It’s been years since I bought someone a gift I put this much thought into...Maybe all those efforts from the trainees and other instructors worked after all. Heh, moving on.

After you return, I’ll free up a few days on my schedule around Christmas Day. Training physicality is important, but caring for the mind is as well. It’s been quite some time since we had some time to ourselves; I may be a very disciplined person, but I’m not heartless. I think stepping away from work to spend time with the one I love is justified, and I’m sure you'd agree that we both need a break.

This upcoming Christmas will be one of the few I spend off the field of battle, and the very first I celebrate with you. Ha, something tells me that if you’re with me, I might end up enjoying these Christmas traditions and rituals; I’ll be honest, window shopping, building snowmen and dancing to Christmas carols don't sound as ridiculous when I imagine myself doing them with you.

I'll cut this short, we can't have you losing focus, now can we? One last thing I have to tell you - you should know this already, but...I love you, [name]. I'm going to stress this again; stay safe for me, don't get distracted. Now get back to work.

Dobermann

--------------------

With all traces of exhaustion gone from your eyes, a smile paints your lips. Your eyes stay on the letter for a few moments longer, grasping tightly onto the feeling of warmth that fills you at Dobermann's words. When you pull your gaze away from the letter you realize something still remains inside the box - and then you remember that Dobermann had mentioned a gift for you in her letter.

You place the letter on your pillow, then take the smaller, neatly wrapped box out of the bigger cardboard one. You tear away the plain brown paper from the small box, after removing the lid from it, your eyes widen just slightly.

Sitting inside of the box is a simple silver bracelet, and engraved on the band are the words ‘never to part’. Smiling with adoration behind your eyes, you remove it from the box carefully; the bracelet feels durable and fits on your wrist perfectly. It’s not flashy, and compared to jewellery studded with diamonds and decorated with carefully carved patterns, it can't compare - but between you and Dobermann, it carries all kinds of meanings and messages reserved only for you and her.

A small pit forms in your stomach as a sudden yearn for Dobermann passes over you - sighing slightly, you trace your fingertips over the words on the silverband. Your eyes slip shut; you wish you were back at Rhodes Island, sitting in silence while watching the snow, with your head on her shoulder and her arm around your waist. A little hesitantly, you reopen your eyes, and you notice that there’s a sticky note stuck to the bottom of the previously wrapped gift box, with rows of words in Dobermann’s handwriting filling it.

Lifting a brow slightly, you unstick it from the box and read it slowly; ‘I want to be together with you for a long time, and if we want to stay with one another we both have to be strong...think of the bracelet as a reminder of that fact.’ Once more, a small smile paints your lips, and at the very last words of the note, you chime with a light laugh, ‘Merry Christmas, [name]. Take care of yourself, or I’ll do it for you.’

[mira--mira]

Question from an aspiring writer:

How do you stay motivated on one project for such a long time?

I personally have the attention span of a goldfish, and whenever I have an idea I either have to write down everything my brain can spew immediately or have it be lost in the void for eternity.

Never mind going back and turning my outline into a fic or gasp editing.

Do you have any tips and/or tricks you use?

Ok, I got completely carried away with this just fyi, but hopefully I ended up answering your actual question 😂 tl;dr at the bottom.

To be honest, staying motivated is a tricky thing, one that I feel I'm still learning how to do even now and varies a bit between shortfics/oneshots and multi-chaptered fics/longfics. For a bit of background, I've been writing fanfic for about a year and a half, but I've been writing original fiction since I was seven, over a decade and a half, and I still wrestle with it. It's definitely a learning process.

One thing I wish someone would have told me when I was starting out was the power of ~scenes~ in either multi-chapters or one-shots. All writing is ultimately made up of scenes, but if you're struggling to put things together, focusing on an individual scene, or multiple short scenes, might help you focus on getting something completed, and it's something that eventually can be applied to longer works as well. Writing has been a snowball process for me and once I started getting anything completed, I felt more secure in knowing what I could write comfortably and what was out of my comfort zone, eventually getting to the point where I felt comfortable tackling bigger and longer projects and knowing I could stay with them.

OoT's interlude chapters and the snippet series are both good examples of scenes because I wrote them with that intention...even if most of them are actually two or three scenes combined. "Gai meets Hashirama and Madara", "Hashirama gets revenge on Kakashi", "Tatsuki and Hashirama pick flowers for Madara, then give them to him" etc. were all my starting points.

If you're first starting out and feel comfortable with outlines of some sort before you start writing I would encourage you to try and write down a bullet point list of your scene(s) and what you know you want to happen in it.

"Gai meets Hashirama and Madara"

* Hashirama meets Gai first, mistakes him for Lee.

* Madara is shopping for a gift for Hashirama

* Madara finds Gai and Hashirama, they spar, Gai kicks his ass, both of them love him.

This is how my initial outline looked for the first interlude chapter, technically each one of these "points" are their own scenes stuck together. Outlining is different for everyone, some people like super specific points, others even less detail than this. For me this is a nice middle that gives me a roadmap for the chapter, but allows plenty of room to naturally diverge and add detail. Play around with outlines and see what you're comfortable with/what gives you the best results.

I'm not sure of your individual situation, but if you're struggling to put together fics in general something like this might help. Doing this process again and again personally helps me stay on track and gives me a sense of progress.

This sense of progress is ultimately key and why I think motivation differs slightly between one-shots/short fics and longfics. If you confine the individual scene to a one-shot, that might give you the motivation to complete it. Even if you start writing and you get interrupted/can't finish having in one setting, bullet points sometimes help inspire me to finish because I'm not starting from scratch when I return to writing. The whole "eat an elephant one piece at a time" thing was difficult for me to learn, but ultimately proved true. Learning to chip away at something bit by bit is going to be the only (healthy) way to write longer projects you can't complete in one sitting.

For longer projects, it's a similar beast just on bigger levels and with an added dimension. I would actually suggest something similar to OoT for a starting project because it is ultimately broken up into arcs that you know and can reference, instead of making a lot of og content for a fan setting. Maybe not go into it thinking, 'I'll do a complete rewrite' but once you feel like you're ready for a longer project 30K+ or so, the rough outline method and the ability to follow arcs was what got me started when I eventually decided to make the fic multi-chaptered. Try writing one arc and keep yourself contained in that. Now the added dimension aspect in general for longfics is that you eventually want to plot individual chapters in a multi-chaptered longfic and individual arcs (character, plot, etc). This comes with practice. I honestly don't think there's a way to get around that. It's something that I'm still trying to work on and I can look back at my early work and see how I've improved, how I can recognize where things didn't go well in certain places, and how I would change them if I was writing today. That's a good thing to be able to do, it means you've grown! The other thing I find that helps with staying motivated week after week for longer projects is to roughly know where you're going and to try to be excited about a plot point/scene/chapter/etc that you're going to write. Really try to hype yourself up. For me, it's a moment that comes at the very end of the chunin arc and I start grinning even thinking about it because I know it's going to be awesome. It's always what gets me through the rough days, imagining the moment I'll get to actually write that scene in its entirety (it's definitely already outlined and I mentally play it out at least twice a week lol) and is a big motivating drive.

So far I think this is pretty standard stuff if you're an outliner and you've been writing for a few years, but the other thing motivational-wise for me is having a schedule. From reading this message alone, I would not suggest it for you right away. Get comfortable finishing small things and feeling confident that if you let an idea sit for a week or two, you can pick it back up and continue. But if you eventually dip your toes into longfics (and don't plan to pre-write everything before you publish) that routine and rhythm really helps keep me going. I've made a commitment, I've posted it online, I'm going to stick to it. No one is going to jump down my throat if I fail to keep it (this is still a hobby and having fun is the most important thing) but in my mind I should commit to it unless something irl prevents me from doing so. Don't put a tight deadline on yourself, I'd start with once a month or if you write shorter chapters every three weeks. This also would help you build up and get a readership, interaction being another big motivational key.

Also, it's important to accept that sometimes you bite off more than you can chew, and when you feel completely demotivated from a fanfic project...it's okay to drop it. It's okay to take a step back and work on something else. Maybe you'll come back to it, maybe you won't. If you can, try to pinpoint what it was about that project that made you demotivated, were you pushing yourself too much and you got burnt out, was it an ongoing series and your interest for canon lagged and so did the fic, was it just too stressful to keep juggling plotpoints, etc. and keep that in mind moving forward. Every experience can be a learning one and eventually make you a better writer that can eventually tackle those bigger projects. Don't be afraid to take on big aspirational projects, but don't walk into them blind either. Above all, and this is repeated a lot because it's true, enjoy what you write. Some days you might not. That's true with anything, but any project you take on the good should outweigh the bad.

This is my wrap up of the motivational section but I also wanted to throw my two-cents in about editing because "oh no editing" is a perspective I've seen from a lot of writers, and used to have myself, but I think is going to stifle your progress in the long run.

Here's the thing: you need to look forward to editing.

You don't have to be jumping for joy, but editing, imo, should be a positive thing. You have all these great ideas, you made it into a fic, something you wrote, and now you get to go back and make it even better! This is a tough attitude to adopt. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It took me a long time to unlearn the negative attitude and even then sometimes I still wish the editing was already done once I type in the last period. But I've learned to at least appreciate what editing does and I try to think to myself as I'm going through and making changes things like "wow, this suddenly became so much better. X plot point that I thought of ten pages from now is suddenly being hinted at and doesn't come out of left field. The transition points are a lot cleaner, it's not so jarring anymore. I bet the readers are going to love this little detail. Here's some foreshadowing that I hope someone picks up bc it's going to come back in like 5 chapters from now" it's hard, especially when you start, but this is something you made, and now are actively making better and that's something to celebrate.

I hope this helps anon! I know it's a lot and I'm by no means an expert but I've been doing this for more than a decade because I love it and I want to help others get into writing to! I have no problem answering any writing questions you may have if you find this helpful!

tl;dr

-motivation is slightly different between short/long fics.

-starting out, learn to outline by scenes and focus on finishing small projects and getting to a point where you feel like you can put something down and come back and pick it up again in a week. Completion is key and will help you feel satisfied/know your limits.

-long projects also can work on the scene-to-scene outline but now with individual chapters and individual arcs. It's tough to balance both but comes with practice. Bit-by-bit is key, as is having 'one moment you can't wait to write', possibly a schedule if it works for you, and reader feedback are all huge long-term motivational points.

-editing is tough but learn to look forward to it instead of dreading it.

edited: added a bit more/few typos fixed

[margridarnauds]

@inkandglitter21​

This is a VERY good question! And one that I think keeps quite a few people in the field up at night, to be honest, but I’m going to give the best answer I possibly can, hence why I’m giving it its own post. My apologies in advance if this gets slightly technical - Some of this is kind of inherently technical and complicated. I also am going to HAVE to mention that I’m doing my best to represent the closest thing we can get to a consensus of the field, but that doesn’t mean that someone, in a week or so, can’t publish an article that blows this out of the water. It happens. 

As a further warning, which I give every single time I discuss the issues inherent to the study of this material: I am not a religious authority. I’m a Celticist. I love the Tuatha Dé, but I can’t claim any form of spiritual connection with them. (As LGE would say, “Though the author enumerates them, she does not worship them.”) So, to anyone who reads this who might have a connection to the figures described....I can’t say anything about the relationship that you, personally, have with them. I can only say what we know, what we don’t know, and what we’re still kind of scratching our heads at with regards to the medieval material. Part of why I’ve, traditionally, sworn off talking about Bríg, Danu, and Morrigan is specifically because they tend to arouse some very strong feelings, and I never really wanted to get caught in something I couldn’t handle. 

But, also. What use is a geas if you don’t break it, likely leading you to your tragic-yet-inevitable doom? 

So, first off, let’s talk Lebor Gabála Érenn. MAGNIFICENT text, and a personal baby of mine. Chock full of information about the Tuatha Dé, the Fir Bolg, the Milesians, the High Kings of Ireland....basically everything a person could ever want to know. A mythographer’s dream and nightmare all in one. But, there’s a problem with it, and it’s one that I feel like Celticists have never stressed enough to the public, not the least because Celticists, as a group, tend to be a little....terrified of LGE. There are relatively few scholars who want to work with it after Macalister’s edition (to understand the reception to Macalister: A personal hobby of mine is collecting remarks other scholars have made about his edition, because they can be BRUTAL.) It has been described as “almost unreadable.” Which is kind of forgivable given the man was DYING when he made it, but still. 

Why are so many scholars scared of LGE? Well, primarily, because it’s hard to say that there was one singular LGE. LGE, as we know it, was compiled in about the 11th century. Or, it began to be compiled in the 11th century. It’s a Middle Irish text (so, it’s coming significantly later than, say, Tochmarc Étaíne or Cath Maige Tuired, which are both ~9th century texts, though CMT was given revisions in the 11th century to bring it in line with LGE). And it is based off of a MUCH bigger genre of pseudohistorical texts, with many of the older texts being missing or destroyed. (The one generally most mourned by us is the one in Cín Dromma Snechta, which could have dated to as early as the 8th century and definitely contained a sort of proto-LGE. We know this because LGE cites it on occasion, so the tradition didn’t fully die out, we just don’t have the full thing.) So, to begin with, LGE is a mixed bag, based off of essentially all the work that came before it, with the scribes involved basically playing a juggling game with what prior scribes jotted down. (You can see it every once in a while, where a redactor will say something like “Certain ignorant people believe ____, but it is clearly not the case, for _________.”) 

It’s almost better to view it as a scrapbook than a single text - You have about 3-4 recensions (different scholars identified different recensions) spread out over around 20 surviving manuscripts, each recension containing significant amounts of detail that vary from their counterparts. Also, studded across LGE, you have a variety of poems that are believed to date either before or at around the same time that LGE was being compiled. (Part of what drives scholars up a WALL with Macalister’s translation is that, besides not identifying the original poets for the poems featured in LGE, he also separated the poems from the text around them. And, as someone who did have to work with that translation....yeah, it is a hot mess. Sorry and RIP, Macalister, but it’s a mess.) 

Now, you might wonder: Why am I telling you this? You came at me with a mythography question and I’m hitting you with manuscript studies. But THIS is the context that it’s existing in - I know it’s fairly popular to kind of talk shit about the scribes writing this stuff down, but it’s very important to understand that they were really trying their best to understand this stuff, just like we were. And, between the various recensions of LGE, we can actually SEE the tradition evolve. One of the key ways to know that Something Pre-Christian is going on is if NONE of the redactors could agree on someone. If you see someone’s depiction REALLY shifting around, you know that the redactors were having an issue with them, possibly dealing with multiple contradictory traditions. 

Enter the Bríg/Dana/Anu/Morrigan problem. AKA “Things that will cause me to have nightmares.” So, let’s try to take this piece by piece. 

The term “Tuatha Dé Danann” is generally accepted to be a later addition. There was not, before a certain time in the Irish mythological tradition, any notion of a goddess named “Danu”. (Established by John Carey in the article, “The name Tuatha Dé Danann”-- Essentially, the term “Tuatha Dé” was the original, but then, with the influence of the term Tuatha Dé, or “Tribe of God” to refer to the Israelites, they felt they had to disambiguate it to “Tuatha Dé Danann”, or “People of Skill”, and then people mistook “Danann” as being the name of a goddess...if I remember correctly, since I don’t have it to hand at the moment.) It is very important to establish this off the bat. Now, how did this get started? And where does this web begun to be woven? Well, I feel like someone could probably write at LEAST a MA dissertation on the topic, possibly even a PhD, and it definitely isn’t going to be me, but I can try my best. 

So. The Trí Dé Dána (Three Gods of Skill). 

Originally, it seems very likely that the genitive component Dána in their name was not meant to be a proper name. They were not MEANT to be perceived as “The Three Gods of Dana”, but “the three gods of skill”. As noted by O’Rahilly (and GOD, it hurts me when he’s right), the first time we really have the phrase referenced is in Cath Maige Tuired, where, he argues, and I have to agree with him, that it refers to Goibhniu, Luchta, and Credne, who Lugh goes to for weapons to fight against the Fomoire. Additionally, you have a gloss on the 9th century text “Immacallam in Dá Thuarad: Ecna mac na tri nDea nDána” that says that their mother was Bríg, though also seems to indicate, specifically, a connection with the filid, which keeps neatly with the LGE reference (and to the image of Bríg as a poetess. I don’t have enough time to talk Bríg here, but if you want to see what I had to say a while back, I made a post here) After the 12th century, though, when the name “Danu” became associated with the Tuatha Dé, a bunch of medieval scribes looked at “Trí Dé Dána” and thought, not UNREASONABLY, “Oh? This is a reference to Danu? Let’s fix that grammar!” So you have, in some later recensions of LGE, the name “Trí Dé Dána” replaced by “Tré dée Danann/Donand/Danand.” It is vital to mention, as Williams does in Ireland’s Immortals (189), that “Danu/Donu” is never attested, it’s always Donand/Danand. So, from the get-go, trying to identify “Danand” with “Anu” was going to be problematic at best. The general consensus seems to be that Bríg and Bres were the original parents of the Trí Dé, and that it’s very possible that they were, originally, specifically associated with the filid, or poets, with this fitting very neatly into both Bres and Bríg’s associations with the Dagda, Ogma, and, of course, Elatha, but that, with Cath Maige Tuired in the 9th century and the new tradition of Bres as a tyrant, it all got muddled, with traces of it lingering into LGE. (Myth and Mythography)

But, what about “Anu?” Who is this figure? And THIS, my friends, is where things REALLY begin to get fucky. She is identified in Cormac’s Glossary as mater deorum hibernensium, “Mother of the gods of Ireland” - That is beyond doubt. This ties in very naturally with the conflation of Danand/Danu as the mother of the Trí Dé Dána that we discussed earlier. It was, to a certain extent, natural that the two of them would become intertwined.

So, this means that Anu is a genuine pre-Christian figure who became entangled up with the whole Danu business? 

Well....

Michael Clarke, in his exploration of the intellectual environment of medieval Ireland, points out that the reference to “Anu” is, in fact, VERY similar to both Isidore of Sevile and in Carolingian mythographical compilations relating to the Greek goddess Cybele, indicating that the scribe, when he was jotting that down, might have very well had that in mind (52-53). Does this mean that they invented ANOTHER goddess and then conflated that goddess with another invented goddess? 

...not quite. 

Because we still have to account for things like, for example, a mountain known as “The Paps of Anand”, which isn’t easily ascribed to a classical influence. (As noted by Mark Williams, with the typical mixture of good humor and good sense that characterizes his writing,“It beggars belief to think that the Pre-Christian Irish would not have associated so impressively breasted a landscape with a female deity.”) (189). Also, as noted by Williams, even the most skeptical argument cannot explain where Anu comes from. It seems unlikely that they would simply create a goddess out of thin air. Even Danu, as sketchy as her existence is, came from SOMEWHERE, even if it was a linguistic, instead of spiritual, basis. But THEN we have to deal with another question: If this figure is so important, why doesn’t she show up in any of the myths? Why let the Dagda, Lugh, the Morrigan, Midir, Óengus, Ogma, and Nuada have all the fun? The Dagda in particular is as close to a BLATANTLY pre-Christian deity as you can get on-page, so it can’t be chalked up to a simple “They didn’t want to depict the mother of the gods on page.” Mark Williams suggests, tentatively, that Anu might have been a minor Munster figure who swelled in popularity, possibly dropped in by some Munster-based scribes who wanted to bolster their own province’s reputation and, equally tentatively, without further evidence to go on, I have to agree with him. I believe there’s too much evidence to suggest that there was SOMETHING, but that there’s also too little to say that she had the range or influence described, and that it’s very likely that, at the very least, the scribe writing that entry had Cybele on his mind. It’s really, really a mystery, though. 

Furthermore, as John Carey notes in “Notes on the Irish War Goddess”....why conflate Anu with the Morrigan? “While it may be plausible....to explain a war-goddess’s possession of sexual characteristics...it is considerably more difficult to follow that chain of thought in reverse in order to account for a land goddess with martial traits. Not is there any evident reason for a conflation of Anu/Anann and the Morrígan unless the former were to some extent linked with war already” pointing out that, relevant to the first paragraph of this, it SEEMS like her inclusion among the daughters of Ernmas was forced on the redactor by a prior tradition (271). Sometimes, she’s a fourth daughter of Ernmas, sometimes she’s a replacement for the Morrigan, sometimes, in the later texts, she’s associated with Danu. It’s like the various authors KNEW they had to include her in there somehow, but they didn’t know how, and she didn’t fit in smoothly once they did. Are we looking at a war/land goddess , obscure enough that the redactor didn’t know where to put her, deciding that she HAD to be the Morrigan/one of the Morrigan’s sisters but not knowing exactly how to fit her in? It wouldn’t be the first time multiple traditions clashed like this. Also, as noted by Sharon Paice Macleod, who gave a very thorough (if not always, in my opinion, sufficiently contextual) account of the tradition, there is a location called the “Paps of the Morrigan”, further suggesting a fertility aspect to the Morrigan that also features into Carey’s earlier argument of dual aspects to the Irish war goddess, along with Bhreatnach’s suggestion of the sovereignty goddess, who represents the land in the medieval Irish literary tradition (and into the present) also functioning as a goddess of death. (Indeed, as noted by Bhreatnach, the hag Cailb from Togail Bruidne Dá Derga, who functions as a sort of anti-sovereignty goddess, identifies herself with Nemain and Badb, at 255. Sovereignty giveth, sovereignty taketh away when you don’t fulfill your place as king.)

Basically, as with almost everything relating to pre-Christian religion in Ireland, we’ve really, really got to shrug our shoulders and go “Fuck if I know, mate.” 

My best attempt at a tl;dr for...this: 

LGE - WEIRD 

Danu - Help us. 

Trí Dé - Who’s your daddy? (Most likely? Bres originally, though it got out of hand after, like, the 12th century.) 

Anu - Who are you? (Who, Who?) 

Sources: 

Scowcroft, “Leabhar Gabhála Part I: The growth of the text" (For the discussion on the different recensions of LGE.)

John Carey, “The Irish National Origin-Legend: Synthetic Pseudohistory”

T.F O’Rahilly, Early Irish History and Mythology

Máire Bhreathnach, “The Sovereignty Goddess as Goddess of Death”

John Carey, “The name Tuatha Dé Danann”

Mark Williams, Ireland’s Immortals (Who, really, puts this all together in a so much more cohesive way in his book, I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to get an idea of how these things develop.)

John Carey, “Myth and Mythography in Cath Maige Tuired.” 

Michael Clarke, “Linguistic Education and Literary Creativity in Medieval Ireland”. 

John Carey, “Notes on the Irish War Goddess”

Sharon Paice Macleod, “Mater Deorum Hibernensium: Identity and Cross-Correlation in Early Irish Mythology.” 

[americankimchi]

ok and I GET the concept of attachments leading to vulnerability and therefore weakness but to impose that on a CHILD who so desperately needs a family, someone he could bond with, its honestly tragic. and since qui gon isnt there to do it anymore it falls on obi wan, whos basically a kid himself, whos dealt with rejection his whole life, and how can you expect him to provide anything, much less mentor a padawan?? idk i just have so many FEELINGS abt this and can’t put it into proper words lol

okay you know what i think that’s on qui gon because why!!! would you make the decision to rip a child away from his home like that so quickly!!! i get that they were making a movie and thus needed to speed things along for pacing reasons but COME ONNNNN

i feel like if it wasn’t restricted for movie reasons it would have gone down very differently. difference being: hey, maybe we don’t rip anakin away from his mom and leave not only his mom still in slavery but also punt a tiny child directly into a warzone.

hear me out

so assuming qui gon decides not to take anakin with him (at that moment in time because anakin is still going to be heading to the order just in a more meticulous fashion) right after meeting the skywalkers on tattooine, he still needs to get off planet. so he does the whole race thing yadda yadda he gets the engine and they take off

so here’s where it diverges: anakin stays on tattooine and never goes to naboo.

(bro this got so long i had to put it under a cut omfg)

but cindy!! you might say, leaving anakin on tattoine??? stuck in slavery??? how could you!!!

YES, but this is a temporary thing, just stay with me for a second

padme disagrees but relents because qui gon says he’ll come back for the boy when he’s not, you know, neck deep in the middle of tense wartime negotiations that could trigger a full scale onslaught at any moment. that’s no place to bring a small child into no matter how powerful in the force he is.

qui gon heads back to the council, gives his report, and then mentions anakin. mentions his fuckin. midichlorian count. which is still so ridiculous to me oh my god the midichlorian is the powerhouse of the force i GUESS

anyways

the council still disapproves, but qui gon makes the case that even if they don’t believe him about the chosen one thing it’s still dangerous to leave such a powerful force user out there untrained and vulnerable to the stresses and traumas of slavery. what if he turns to the dark side??? he’ll have ample reasons to if he’s stuck there, and the amount of destruction he could unleash by being untrained and powerful is unspeakable!! qui gon, being the master diplomat he is, even if he is constantly butting heads with the council, could probably convince them of the importance of at least meeting the child. hell, it’s not as if they haven’t broken people free from slavery before it’s honestly jedi basic training at this point

so the council agrees on the condition that qui gon is not allowed to personally mentor the boy because as it stands now he’s too close to the situation, too eager which honestly??? might have been a good chunk of the reason why the council was so against it in the first place. qui gon pushed for it too hard and for no real solid reason. and for fuck’s sake qui gon your padawan is right there

obi wan, awkwardly shuffling on his feet like..... yeah i’m here too master

SPEAKING OF OBI WAN

imagine how gutting it must be to hear that your master wants to get rid of you for the newer, younger model. like at this point obi wan is so used to this shit. abandonment? by qui gon??? it’s more likely than you think,

and obi wan’s ALLL ready to be like “yeah okay. i’ll just. go over here then i guess. fuck me for thinking that you respected me as a person or anything lmao right”

and qui gon’s just “ah fuck. i can’t believe i’ve done this”

anyways hand waves qui gon explaining his reasoning to obi wan and saying that he just wants to ensure that the boy gets the training he needs and obi wan understanding but asking if he really thinks he’s ready to be a knight genuinely or if he’s just saying that to get him out of the way and wow that thought actually hurt a bit lol!!! no problem though qui gon whatever you want haha i’ll just... be in pain. over here. ((:

and qui gon being like, “honestly obi wan the only reason you’re not actually knighted is because i cherish your companionship and i don’t want to let you go” because ANAKIN ISN’T THE ONLY ONE WITH ATTACHMENT ISSUES CASE IN POINT: MY MANS JINN

let’s be honest obi wan could’ve been knighted ages ago. the only reason he hasn’t been is because the master dictates when that step should be taken and qui gon wasn’t ready to let his surrogate son go.

anyways RECONCILIATION WHOO kicks that insecurity off of obi wan’s already weary shoulders because that gnarly bit of tension could’ve been avoided so easily with just a simple conversation!! wow!!! communication can do wondrous things who! would! have! known!!!!!

anyways

they get to naboo. how do they beat the trade federation without anakin? the force works in mysterious ways alright it happens they win boom.

now, onto qui gon. in this au qui gon lives because of that healthy bit of communication up there that went down. see that conversation? where they affirm how important they (qui gon and obi wan) are to each other? and how that bond was repaired and confirmed between their leaving coruscant and fighting maul on naboo and thus their harmonious fighting wasn’t impaired by that underlying resentment and betrayal and tension??? TELLING YOUR KIDS THAT YOU LOVE AND RESPECT THEM CAN DO AMAZING THINGS WITH YOUR ABILITY TO COORDINATE WITH THEM IN THE FIELD IMAGINE THAT

coughs

so they fight maul and maul gets turned into maul 1 and maul 2 and qui gon almost gets got but is saved just in time by his padawan who is!! right there with him!!! because qui gon WAITS 5 SECONDS FOR HIM TO CATCH UP so they can F I G H T  T O G E T H E R. qui gon has a permanent limp and an ache in his spine that never really goes away but he’s ALIVE TO SEE THE NEXT SUNRISE BABEY

celebrations happen. and the most important bit of all here: palpatine never meets anakin on naboo.

why would he? anakin’s not fuckin there mate!!! maul wouldn’t even know anything about anakin because qui gon never bothered to take him with them to coruscant and maul was chasing the delegation from naboo, not going hunting for babies in the tatooinian sands

/kicks the palpatine was anakin’s experimental force daddy theory to the curb because. i don’t like it that’s why. suck it dickpatine.

ANAKIN NEVER MEETS PALPATINE!! ripples in the fucking pond babey

qui gon and obi wan ask a boon of padme, that boon being “hey can you give us truly disgusting amounts of money so we can go free those delightful people we had to leave behind on tatooine due to the fact that we were on a time crunch and also ripping people away from a familiar environment without a stable plan of action to provide them a better quality of life is actually called, as the professionals say, a dick move.”

and padme’s like “um fuck yeah here’s some cash let me know how this goes and give anakin and shmi my love”

SO OFF THEY GO TO TATOOINE TO FREE THE SKYWALKERS. shmi tags along to the temple because why wouldn’t she. she wants to see where her son is going to be going. she also pesters qui gon and obi wan constantly about the order and its philosophies and etc. etc. and subsequently gets a crash course in jedi doctrine that anakin also gets to sit in on and you know, educate himself on.

“we want you to know that being a jedi is a choice. being a jedi is a religion unto itself.” they say

“but it’s a set of philosophies that are meant to at its core help others live happy and free lives?” anakin (and shmi) ask

“that’s a very very very large generalization but i guess for the purposes of this conversation that could be seen as true. from a certain point of view,” they respond. qui gon then lets obi wan loose on his musings about the code because the code is simple, and complex in its simplicity, and how the beliefs of the jedi should be taken very seriously because it reflects their connection to the force and by extension the world around them etc. etc.

anakin makes it to the temple. anakin knows (at least a little) what it means to be a jedi. it’s not all light sabers and noble battles and fighting the good fight. it’s about sacrifice and humility and nobility and above all kindness and empathy and loving all things, great and small, and not letting your personal hatreds cloud your judgement even if it takes all your strength to do so

and most importantly to anakin: no attachments.

and that’s what anakin struggles with the most. that never changes. but this time shmi is there to explain it to him, and coming from shmi, the most important person in the world, makes it stick

“it doesn’t mean you love me less,” shmi explains. “it just means you don’t love everyone else less because you love me. it means not loving me to the exclusion of all else. it means love, but for everyone. for everything.”

and then the two jedi reaffirm that it’s a choice. it’s always about choice. you can’t be a jedi without choosing to be one, it’s not something that can be forced. either you believe in the lifestyle, or you don’t. simple as that.

“can i leave if i want to” anakin asks.

“yes. of course you can, any time.” qui gon responds.

“not sure why you would want to though, being a jedi is kind of super cool” obi wan adds, with a wink.

but anakin isn’t a jedi yet. he’s not even an initiate. he doesn’t want to leave his mom, not until he knows she’s safe. he wants to be a jedi he burns with the need to be a jedi, but he’s not sure if he can be a jedi. not the way that was explained to him anyways. but that’s okay because he has the time to decide!!! there are no sith lords breathing down his neck!!! he has two (2) in the flesh examples of what jedi can do, what jedi are, what they can accomplish in the world!!! most of all he has his mother there, supporting him either way!!!

maybe he does go into the order. maybe he does ultimately choose that life for himself. maybe he does manage to untangle himself from the snarls of attachment and apply himself wholeheartedly to the ways of the jedi. he might even succeed this time since palpatine has no fucking CLUE anakin’s even there!!! he’s not nine years old and freshly braided and attached at the hip to a mourning brand new knight, he’s nine years old and trying to figure out how the fuck you levitate off the ground with your legs crossed under you while his crechemates balance things onto his nose!!!

and you know what!! maybe he chooses to leave the order because it’s not for him, but this time he’s got enough stability in his life, in the way that he manages and examines his feelings, that he’s not a threat to himself and those he loves. maybe he becomes a mechanic and lives a nice, simple life with his aging mother and becomes penpals with a pretty girl from naboo. WHO KNOWWWSSS

and that’s important for anakin: knowing that it’s always a choice always his choice and that he never has to have anyone tell him who he can and cannot be because he is his own master now he has full autonomy and the jedi cannot and will not take that away from him

this got so long oh my god i just have so many THOUGHTS

qui gon taking anakin like that in tpm was such a rushed decision my man can you CHILL AND THINK

anyways,,,,, that’s all thank u for coming with me on this journey,,,,,,,

[a3theatrejunkie]

Don’t be silly Wrap your Willy!

Hanasaki Private Academy, St. Flora Middle School, and Ouka High school Students have to take care of a baby for a school project. For more context look at this post

Hanasaki Private Academy- They got robot baby dolls

St. Flora Middle School- They got Eggs. Each of the eggs have the St. Flora logo printed on it to prevent students from 

Ouka High School- Got bags of flour to be made into a baby,just random bags of flour.

SPRING TROUPE-  

Masumi is doing pretty well with the baby, she doesn’t cry much.(That’s because you have your headphones in. dumbass.) He gets a full nights sleep too. (That’s because Tsuzuru is usually up and takes care of her out of habit.)Tries to get the director to marry him this way. “Please. I’m a single father. My daughter needs a strong role model.” “Her name is Izuumi. Get it? It’s our names put together.” He and Sakuya talk about their children like their real.

Sakuya is baby and now he has a baby too. His child’s name is Romeo, he couldn’t think of anything else. He has a realistic experience with the baby, late night feeding, baby crying during rehearsal, and struggling to budget with a new member. Grows attached to the baby fast, his own little baby, his family. Doesn’t want to seem rude but gets nervous when other members of  Mankai holds his baby. “O-okay but take his burp cloth! and make sure his neck is supported. A-and!....” “Sakuya I’ve got like 12 younger brothers.” He cried when the assignment was over.

Itaru “Can we get an ‘F’ in the chat?” He remembers having one of those robot babies,their annoying and cut into his free time. Apparently you can use a strong magnet to mess up the sensors and get an easy A. Haphazardly holds the babies to play video games, He’s never been asked to hold the babies since.

“Sakuya...Masumi...” Tsuzuru worries about him getting too attached to the baby and Masumi using the baby to flirt with the director. Gave both of them some old baby clothes so they wouldn't have to buy any.

Citron loves the new members of the Spring troupe! He gives... interesting advice. “Do not worry! I’ve helped over a thousand woman and a thousand elephants give birth!” :D

SUMMER TROUPE- 

Yuki made cute little clothes for his egg and carries it in an equally cute basket. He was actually excited for this project so he could practice making children clothes but unfortunately St. Flora gave them eggs instead of the dolls. His child is named Omelette, because that’s what’s their gonna be after the project is over. While creating a budget as part of the care assignment spent over $400 of clothing. 

Muku keeps forgetting his egg everywhere he goes, he’s doing his best. His egg has a little crown on top of their head. The eggs name is Endymion, he’s gonna grow up to be the best prince ever. A some point  he forgot where his egg was and accidentally knocked it off his desk. It broke. Muku cried, the Summer troupe held a funeral and the egg prince is buried in the Mankai courtyard. He didn’t fail since he completed all the budgeting, and other sidework that came with the project but lost a good chunk of points.

Tenma is adjusting. “Why can’t I just hire a nanny? It’s in my budget.” “Well what are the chances you’ll actually become a famous actor?” “???....?!...?!?......” Anyway he hates having to carry this stupid bag of flour, the paparazzi is gonna have a field day with this. Named his child Tenma Jr. and he’s also gonna become an actor. Tenma practically spent all of his budget on luxury items, designer clothes, foreigner cars, and a million dollar house. Forgets about utilities, “What the hell is rent???”  Not adjusting well. Doesn’t help that Yuki calls his child, Hack Jr.

Kazunari- LOL! He remembers having to do that when he was still in grade school. He ‘Babysits’ while the younger actors are working or doing a scene. He’s the best uncle ever! #Blessed💖💖💖💖 Offered to redraw the ST. Flora logo onto a store bought egg when Muku’s broke, but Muku’s an honest prince, so he and Yuki decorated a coffin for the funeral.

“Poor Muku, You’re egg broke but it became a bunch of mini triangles!” Misumi didn’t help much. 

AUTUMN TROUPE-

Surprising or not, Sakyo is the most serious about the assignment. “Children are expensive and time consuming.”  Whether It’s a bag of flour or a robot doll, Sakyo makes the students of Autumn troupe take proper care of the children.He helps the students that need to make budget though.

“Hyodo if you don’t get get you child off the damn floor i’m calling your school and reporting you for Negligence.”

“I don’t know Nanao, are you gonna pay me to watch your child?”

“SETTSU!??! YOU CANNOT TAKE YOUR CHILD APART!”

Worst Grandpa ever

Omi is a little more helpful, but he agrees with Sakyo that this is an important assignment. While in school he totally bombed the assignment, but as an ex- delinquent he’s seen a few people start families waaaayy too young, It’s very stressful. Doesn’t want that for any of the Autumn Troupe. He’s willing to hold onto to the babies free of charge. Nice Grandma, probably gonna turn her grandkids into dinner

Taichi is already on thin ice with his school, he turned his flour baby into a monster child,(Ya know the little monster character he’s always drawing)

“Haven’t you seen Alien?!?!?”

Now he has the struggles of raising an alien child as a single father in highschool. “His name is Zognoid XJ-9″ 

It was fun at first for Banri, a new challenge approaches, but now the Baby is cutting in on his gaming time and what ever else it is he does. It hard to be a tough guy when your carrying a doll around. Considered taking out the batteries, but if Sakyo found out he’d fail the project. His baby is named Majima.

Juza was kind of excited for the project, maybe it would make him seem less intimidating, but no, it seems he’s gotten into more fights due to this sack of flour than before. No matter he’ll project this baby with his life, he calls her pudding. All was well until fuckin’ Settsu started calling his daughter a ‘cocaine baby’ Juza threw a few insults back and Banri punched him...in the baby. Flour went everywhere. Juza saw red. He grabbed Banri’s babydoll and though him outside into the street. People saw. Thought it was a real baby. The police were called. Sakyo had to call in A LOT of favors and explain it was just a doll. Both him and Settsu nearly failed and got chewed out by Sayko for almost ruining the companies image. 

They had separate funerals, once again buried in the Mankai court yard

BONUS! WINTER TROUPE-

Tsumugi thinks its great the kids are learning responsibility and that childcare is no joke. Brought flowers to the funerals.

“Oh! THE WOAHS OF CHILDREN, BUT THE LOVE OF A LITTLE JOY YOU TAKEN INTO TO YOUR SOUL.” Homare find this amusing and inspirational. He remembers his egg project and how- blahblahblah. Gave nice loooooong eulogies during all the funerals.

Azuma thinks it’s funny, he’s old so he never had to experience the baby project. Although the sight of seeing these new families makes him a little sad. Better drink some sake.

Tasuku “What the fuck is wrong with y’all.”

 Hisoka I’m Sleep.

[lightspeedrobin]

Found (Chapter 4) - Morisawa Chiaki/Reader

Summary: Chiaki can vaguely remember that time in kindergarten when he saved a girl during a school field trip but he knows that it was the first time he became someone’s hero. With only a dolphin plush and a worn-out handkerchief to remind him of that memory, he finally meets her again.

A/N: ending the year right! it took a while but we've finally reached the end, and just in time for the current event~

thank you to all the wonderful people who have stay tuned and supported me for the past four months. i enjoyed writing chiaki because he's such a pure and honest boy and i love him TT^TT 

wishing everyone a fruitful new year and the best of luck for those grinding for 5star chiaki!until next time~

Chapter 4 - Found 

-

The familiar store chimes make a gentle ring as Chiaki enters the cafe. It has been two days since he’d last been there and the quiet and relaxing atmosphere greets him once more. No children running around and the stress of meeting their needs is thankfully gone for the next few days. The kid’s section is almost empty, save for a couple of young adults who chose to sit by the area. It’s a perfect day to talk to the owner without much distractions.

Speaking of the owner, he takes a look around the cafe in search of the person in question, and there she was, engaging in an idle chatter with the barista while putting some final touches on a dish. He quickly looks away when she turns around to deliver the order, setting his eyes on a table at the back. As much as he wanted to stay in the kids section, he didn’t want to draw attention to himself today.

He settles down on his seat and sets the paper bag he’s been carrying beside him. He didn’t bother putting the plush on a different bag, but in hindsight, the owner might recognize the bag when sees it so he keeps it hidden for now. His mind drifts to the conversation he had with Kanata and Kaoru the other day.

‘I think you should just tell her. I’m sure she’ll be happy to know you two are meeting again like this.’

‘Oh but don’t just tell her. Be smooth about it. Hmm… I know a few techniques you can do to–’

‘Kaoru, he’s not trying to hit on her, you know.’

‘I know, I know. But what if…’

In the end, both Ryuseitai members listened to Kaoru’s so-called-techniques over coffee at the ES Cafeteria. It wouldn’t hurt to hear him out and the blonde looked enthusiastic sharing his ideas, not that Chiaki would be able to pull any of it off.

On her way back to the counter, the owner spots him seated at the far back, waving at her. Smiling brighter at the sight of her newly-formed friend, she makes her way to his table. He instinctively pushes the paper bag further towards the back of his seat to hide it from view.

“Hey! You’re back!” She greets enthusiastically, handing him a menu. “On a break from work?”

She speaks in a more casual tone to him now that they’re more familiar with each other. He’s glad that she’s able to relax around him.

“Nah, I’m actually done for the day and wanted to come here.” He replies as he takes the booklet. He only had a small errand at ES today so he has the rest of the day to himself.

She nods and her eyes lit up with interest. “Oh I see. If you’re already finished this early then you must’ve been working hard the past few days.”

“Yup! Ryuseitai’s been getting a lot of jobs lately and I’m glad we get to work together more often now.” He says in genuine pride. Ryuseitai has grown so much from when they were first starting out and all those job requests they’ve been getting are proof that they’re reaching the hearts of more people as idols and allies of justice.

“That’s great to hear!” She beams at the news but then puts a hand on her chin as if remembering something. “Ah, so that time I saw you by the cafe, were you perhaps supposed to meet your friends here?”

Chiaki almost chokes on air. “What?”

“The other day, you were hanging outside the cafe, right?” She explains.  “Or did I mistook you for someone else?”

He panics for a brief second but he didn’t want to lie that he hasn’t been in the area that day. Or at least, he couldn’t bring himself to lie. “A-Ah yes, that was me.”

“Well, It’s a shame you didn’t come in. We were testing out some new flavors for the parfaits that day. You and your friends could’ve tried them.” She says, her voice mixed with a little disappointment. Chiaki starts to feel bad for not at least saying ‘hi’ before leaving. But he was supposed to be hiding that day. The owner must’ve had a good eye for spotting him, or he just sucks at stealth.  

“O-Oh, um… Yeah, I needed to talk to someone so I had to head back to the agency.” He stammers. He’s not a good liar but it technically wasn’t a lie. He had no plans on giving more context to why he was at the store front in the first place and he hopes she doesn’t ask.

“Ah, I see.” Her expression seemed like she wouldn’t press any further, so he mentally sighs in relief. “Well, we still have them available today. If you like, I could put down an order for you now.” She says, pen and notepad at the ready.

Chiaki checks his watch. An hour before lunch. He could probably use a light meal to go with the parfait.

His order arrives shortly after, with the owner grinning as she sets them down on his table. He can clearly see the excitement in her eyes as she sets the parfait on the table, looking just as mouth-watering as ones he had served the other day. She’s in high spirits today and Chiaki hopes he’ll get to see more of her smile later.

As the last of his order is set down, he catches her attention by clearing his throat. “I also actually came today to talk to you.”

She raises a curious eyebrow at him. “Oh...”

“It’s really nothing important, just–”

“This isn’t about that other day, right? The ‘i-made-a-famous-idol-work-at-my-cafe’ thing?” She hugs the empty tray closer as she speaks, voice clearly in panic. It must’ve still been bothering her since then.

Chiaki quickly shakes his head, letting out an awkward laugh for not giving more context right away. “No, no, no. There really wasn’t any issue with that. This one’s actually unrelated so no need to worry. But this might take a while so...” He trails off, unsure what to say next. He’s well aware that she’s still in the middle of work but this might be the only chance he can get, and the conversation might take long considering how this would concern her largely.

“Ah...” She relaxes and now it was her turn to give an awkward chuckle. “Sorry, I tend to think ahead of things so I kind of panicked.”

He knows. At least for the times he visited, he assumed as such. But that didn’t bother Chiaki at all. The way she starts to break her upbeat demeanor in panic, fidgeting and cheeks flushing was adorable in a way.

She takes a deep breath again to compose herself, looking at the clock by the counter before speaking again. “Well, I’ll be having my break soon so if you want we can talk then.”

“Alright, I can wait until then.”

Chiaki slowly eats his meal as the lunch rush passes and soon enough it dies down, resuming into its calmer atmosphere. A good time for a break.

She asks him if he would like to wait in the staff room for a bit while she gives some instructions to her staff and he takes the suggestion. It is more preferable to have some privacy.

-

The owner steps in the staff room after a few minutes, leaving a few more words to the other staff outside before closing the door. Chiaki patiently waits as she writes down an entry on the time sheet hung on the wall before finally sitting across him on the table. Something catches his eye though: a small stain on her apron.

“Thanks for waiting.” She says. “I had to leave a few things to them before I take my break.

Chiaki feels the nervousness building up but despite that, he was able to keep calm and answer with a cheery tone. “It’s no problem at all. I am the one who wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh um… Before that, you have a little stain on your apron.” He pats his lap to indicate where it is and she makes a surprised ‘oh’ before looking down on the same area on her apron. The brown spot looks small enough to be unnoticable from afar but Chiaki was able to spot it when she sat down.

“Shoot. There is.” She confirms, and starts to rub it off with her thumb.

Just then, an idea popped into Chiaki’s head. Even after all these years, he never really practiced the habit of bringing his own handkerchief, but this day, he had one. And this particular piece of cloth holds a certain value that would bring up the subject that Chiaki had been nervous about for days.

Nervousness, however, was just part of the things he was feeling at the moment. More than that, he was feeling hopeful. Hopeful that things will stay the same between them, if not, improve. And he has Kanata and Kaoru to thank for that.

So with the usual sunny smile on his face, he reaches into his pocket for the handkerchief and presents it to her, who’s still focused on the stain. He makes sure to get that particular corner exposed so she would immediately see it.

“You can use this, if you like.”

She looks up at the handkerchief offered to her, then at him. She makes a bashful smile before reaching out to take it

“Thank you for–” She stopped mid-sentence as soon as she laid eyes on the name on the handkerchief. Surprise and disbelief spread across her face as it finally dawns in on her what the familiar piece of cloth conveys.

She slowly looks up at him and Chiaki nods, as if confirming whatever thoughts have been swimming in her head right now. Yes, it was the handkerchief she gave him a long time ago. Yes, he was the boy who stood next to her on stage in the aquatic show. And yes, he was the boy, who despite not knowing how to swim, still jumped in the water to save her.

“I-I can’t believe it...” She takes a closer look at the cloth, tracing her fingers on the neatly embroidered name and the sunflowers decorating the corners.

“I didn’t realize it right away but that boy who tried to pull you out of the water years ago… was most probably me.” Chiaki finally puts in words. “And I wanted to give that back to you… with this.” He reaches out into the bag and takes out the pink dolphin plush. He did his best to clean it up but the accumulated dust over the years faded out the bright pink color it had from what Chiaki remembered.

She gasps and slowly touches the stuffed animal, as if handling something fragile. Her lips appear to be tugging into a smile as she looks over it. “It’s–!”

“This is yours, right? It all happened so fast at the souvenir shop that even I didn’t realize we switched bags back then.” He explains. He anxiously studies her expression as he places the plush down on the table.

Her eyes lit up at the memory. “I remember! I was so shocked that I got the wrong one.” She then claps her mouth, looking both happy and embarrassed. “That was my bad, I rushed out so suddenly that I forgot to check.”

“No, that’s okay. Really. But i’m glad that you still treasured mine despite all that.” At this point, it didn’t really matter who caused the switch. It was just an honest and clumsy mistake they made, which was natural for children their age. What matters now is this moment, where the exchanged dolphins allowed them to meet again.

“It is from my hero, after all.” She says a little softly. Instead of having that distant look from the first time she talked about her hero, she’s now looking directly at him, and Chiaki can feel the warmth and gratitude of her gaze, along with a strange ecstatic feeling inside him.

“You saved my life back then. And we both wouldn’t be meeting here again if it weren’t for that.” For some reason, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her as she spoke. Her words seem to bear more weight to him now that there is someone to receive the admiration she has. Now that he is the one receiving it.

She smiles, the same twinkle reflected in her eyes, and this time, that smile was for him. “Thank you.”

“I...” Chiaki is left dumbstruck at those two words, trailing off from what he was supposed to day. Back in the aquarium, they didn’t mean anything big. It just made him happy before because even though they both almost drowned, she still thanked him. Even though he almost failed, she still looked up to him.

'But why does hearing them again now feel different?‘ , he wonders.

She was still looking at him, probably waiting for him to finish his thought. Still unable to think of a proper response, Chiaki lets out the first words that come to his mind.

“A hero never hesitates when there are people in need, after all.”

And she laughs.

“You said the same thing back then too.” She points out, and only then did Chiaki realize it. It wasn’t really his intention to say the same thing but maybe he never really changed all that much from when she met him.

“Now I’m sure it really is you.”

Chiaki pauses in his thoughts, the nostalgic atmosphere instantly disappearing. “W-Wait, were you actually doubting me earlier?”

“No, not at all.” She calmly says, waving her hand vigorously in denial. “It’s just too good to be true that I thought this was just a dream.” And he awkwardly laughs in return with her, having been worried for nothing.

“A-Anyway, here is your dolphin back if you still need it. Ah, but I feel bad for returning this after learning how you took care of mine well so you can keep both.” He gestures to the said animal on the table, smiling all the while. It was the solution he came up with after mulling over it a few days ago. By letting her keep both, she wouldn’t have to let go of the one she took care of all these years while still getting her original one back.

She, however, seems to be against it. “What? I can’t possibly do that. I mean, you’ve also kept mine all this time and that’ll make me feel equally bad for taking it.” And she pushes the dolphin towards him.

Chiaki shakes his head before pushing it back to her. “It’s totally fine, really.”

At the back of his mind, he was anticipating her to insist on giving him the plush and the funny exchange would go on until one finally gave in. He can feel a sense of deja vu as he preps himself for her response. He was determined to not budge this time.

Unexpectedly, however, she pauses for a moment in deep thought before sighing. “Alright. I’ll take my dolphin back… Thanks.” She pulls the dolphin towards her, and for some reason, he felt a little dismayed that it didn’t go the way he imagined.

She then taps a finger to her chin, humming in thought. “But I don’t really have any more space to keep another one sooo–” She stands up, circling around the table to stand beside Chiaki, and places the dolphin on his hands. “I’m giving this one to you.” She states, smiling while Chiaki stares at her in confusion. Only one word escaped his mouth.

“What?”

“I’m giving you my extra dolphin to keep. So now you can take care of him while I continue looking after yours.” She elaborates, having solved the dilemma he had in just a few minutes. By accepting the returned plush and giving it to him after, it catered both their intentions. Chiaki definitely didn’t expect this response.

She looks at him with such a cool and smug expression that he gives a defeated sigh. She definitely wins this time.

“Well then, I guess this one will be in my care.” He gives the pink dolphin a pat, now formally his, and he can only feel warm and happy seeing her smile widening.

She then walks over to a row of lockers on the other side of the room and opens what he assumes is her locker. Inside was her own dolphin in it’s fading blue color. She takes it out and places it on the table, right in front of Chiaki’s. “I’ll be looking forward to more playdates then.” She says in a higher tone, as if giving the animal plush its own voice, and waves its fin. It was playful and silly, but it was cute.

He gives a small chuckle as he plays along, waving his dolphin’s fin back at hers. “Yeah. I’ll come visit some time.” And they both broke into a hearty laughter.

When she looked up at him again, her eyes showed a gentle glow and her cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink as she beams at him. For a moment there, he can only stare in awe at the sight.

“I hope we can get to know each other more too.”

Chiaki feels a rush of joy welling up in him. All the pleasant emotions are mixing up inside him from her words that it was natural for his face to lift into a smile. “Me too.”

They were silent for a few more seconds, and almost instantly, an awkward atmosphere started to build up. Rubbing a hesitant hand on the back of his head, Chiaki breaks the silence. “So… I was wondering if we can, you know, chat a little more?”

He had a lot of things he wanted to talk about with her. Somehow, after all that has happened today, he feels refreshed and eager to learn more about her. But all those thoughts were flushed down the drain at her immediate response.

“We can’t."

And Chiaki is again thrown into a spiral of surprise and confusion. Her brows were slightly furrowed so he couldn’t tell what they meant. A swarm of questions started to fill his head, unable to determine whether everything had really worked out. He might have gotten carried away with his request.

“–At least not now when my break’s about to be over.” She follows right after, peering at the wall clock by the time sheet with a guilty look. He snaps his head towards the clock as well. It’s been almost an hour since her break started. He terribly lost track of time.

“Right… Totally forgot about that.” His sigh came out as a stammered laugh so she chuckled in amusement. It really did end well. She may have just been teasing him a bit.

“Why don’t we take a walk around the city later after we close shop for the day?”

“That... sounds great.”

Chiaki never expected to meet again someone from his childhood memory, not to mention, one that admired him all this time for saving her. The thought that he was able to be someone’s hero at such a young age, gives him a new-found determination to grow more as a proud member of Ryuseitai.

While he doesn’t know what their friendship would become in the future, what he does know is that spending time with her gives him an unusually pleasant and light feeling. And he’s looking forward to that walk later, and, of course, the other meetings to come.

-

this fic is also up on my ao3, @lightspeedrobin , feel free to give a follow~

Ch.3

[detroitbydark]

Fox and Mouse Finale 1/2

Characters: Commander Fox x Mouse (reader), and more Jedi/clones/politicians than you can shake a stick at.

Summary: Fox makes plans and then remakes them...

A/N: Ladies and Lads this is it! A chapter so stupid long it required it be split in two pieces. I'm not going to make you wait and I'll be posting both this evening. I'm feeling really sentimental because this is the longest thing I've ever written and completed. I couldn't have done it without y’all. Your support and comments have helped me get through the tough periods of writing and the stress in my life as of late. This is for you guys! Thank you. I love you! 

Special thanks as always to @skdubbs and @crimson-dxwn for being there to listen to me and help me every step of the way. You are both absolutely amazing!

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The crick in his neck is the least of Fox’s worries when he wakes. It wasn’t like he could call the tossing and turning he’d done for the last six standard hours much of a rest. After returning to his room, tail tucked between his legs, Fox hadn’t been able to unwind. He couldn’t lay his head down without a million thoughts racing through his head.

He loved her. 

Yes, it was something he’d known for a while, maybe even longer than he was willing to admit. He loved her more than he loved himself. For a long time he’d thought that’s how love was supposed to work. You sacrificed yourself for the things you loved. Now he’s not sure.

Mouse loved him. It was something he hadn’t hoped for, but after being near her, feeling her lips against his own, seeing the depth of emotion in her sad eyes as she’d kicked him out of her room - he didn’t question it. The issue he finds himself struggling with is hard to put into words. If he couldn’t love himself, if he didn’t think he was worthy, could he truly love her? Mouse was willing to accept him at his most broken, for his flaws and his lingering self doubt. If he couldn’t do the same for himself-

The thoughts kept him up the better of the night. He’d lost count of the times he’d walked to his door intent on barging into her room… and doing what? That’s where the plan got dicey and inevitably where he decided against any further action until first light.

Of course, by the time he’d fallen asleep he’d been so exhausted that he’d missed first light. It wasn’t until a pair of noisy male tik-tak birds jostled for the affections of a female outside his window that Fox woke.

His first thoughts were of Mouse as he shooed the noisy creatures from his open window.

He didn’t enjoy the smell of failure -or sweat - that permeated the air around him. He took a sonic shower so fast he would have set a record back on Kamino. 

He focused on the words he’d say to her. The words that would make her see that he was sorry. That his shabla behavior was a fluke that he could and would correct. That he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her if she’d just give him one more chance.

 He pauses as he slips into his armor.

The rest of his life.

He didn’t want her for a moment in time. He wanted her for all time, at his side through whatever life would throw at them. Resolve settles over him, the kind that a lifetime training for battle honed. There’s a certain peace to it.

Darasuum.

Like any good soldier he makes a plan. When she fails to answer her door when he knocks, he goes to plan B. He knocks again. Louder.

When that doesn’t work, he moves on to plan C.

There’s a small cadre of Jedi and Clones eating a quiet breakfast on the veranda. The sun is just peeking over the waterfalls in the distance. Cody and General Secura are speaking in quiet tones over two cups of caf. General Kenobi sits nursing a cup of tea staring out over the placid lake. Like, a sore thumb, Bly sticks out, devouring whatever pastry and fruit had been piled on his plate like he was a cadet late for morning exercises. He looks up in time to see Fox and give him an encouraging smile and a wave over before taking a bite of some sort of plump sausage even Fox found to be too large.

“Vod!” The golden yellow hues of Bly’s facial tattoos seem to glow brighter in the sun. “Su cuy’gar!” he greets happily.

Fox pauses, then pulls out a chair, grabbing a cheese filled pastry from his batch mate’s plate. “Su cuy’gar,” he greets in return. “After the sounds I was hearing last night I wasn’t sure I’d see you in one piece this morning.”

“Don’t be fooled. I’m held together by the Force and a prayer. My Aayl’ika does nothing in halves.”

Fox, even with the pressure of his impending conversation with his own love weighing on his shoulders, can’t help but chuckle as he steals the other Commander’s mug of caf. 

“Oya!”

Bly snatches the mug back and hot caf sloshes over the edges. The commander of the 327th makes a grunt of discomfort before leaning in and sucking the drops of spilt caf from the space between his thumb and index finger.

Fox smothers a laugh with a large bite of pastry. Bly raises an eyebrow before his eyes narrow in on Fox’s mouth.

“I know red is your color,” Bly grabs a napkin and tosses it to Fox, who catches it easily, “but I didn’t believe you were a lipstick man, regardless of color.”

One swipe across his mouth brings back a small smear of star cherry red lipstick. Mouse’s lipstick. He must have missed it in the shower.

“Since I don’t see the lovely dal I’m taking it either went very well or very poorly.”

Fox takes another swipe and places the napkin down when it comes back clean. “It’s a work in progress”

Bly gives him a serious look, the easy going manner from a moment ago pushed to the back burner.

“Tell me, vod. How do you and General Secura-“ Aayla glances up when she hears her name. Fox offers a tight smile. Bly shoots her a wink. “How do you do it?”

“Well you see Fox’ika, when a clone loves a Jedi-“

“Fierfek! Bly I’m being serious!”

“We’re honest with one another” Aayla’s smooth Ryl accent interrupts whatever comment Bly was getting ready to make. She moves gracefully over from her previous spot near Cody. The Marshal Commander has now joined his Jedi staring peacefully out across the water. Fox doesn’t doubt he’s listening in.

He isn’t sure whether he should be thankful for Secura’s intervention or not. Never having had a Jedi of his own, he still has moments where he finds their presence overwhelming. Aayla looks about as intimidating as a loth kitten this morning in leggings and a loose tunic, somehow looking incredibly chic and supremely comfortable all at once. Her eyes find his, searching for something as she sits down next to her Commander. “We’ve had to learn the finer points of communication.” She looks to Bly. Adoration is written across her delicate features as her lekku twitch happily. “We have to be able to trust each other.”

“It’s work,” Bly says, taking Aayla’s hand and placing a soft kiss along her knuckles ,“but we make it work.”

“And after the war?”

Aayla sighs. “We will cross that bridge when we come to it, but I don’t know if my loyalty can remain with the order alone. Once the Force has shown you something-“ she pauses and smiles softly at Fox, “The Force works in mysterious ways, would you agree?”

“General Secura.” Cody’s voice comes from across the veranda because - of course - he was listening, “I believe you forgot to mention respect.”

Aayla smothers a smile. “Oh yes, respect is quite important.”

Fox is very quickly beginning to feel the nonexistent walls close in around him. “Yes. Yes. “ he grumbles, “I’m a lousy di’kut.”

“You said that - not us - Commander,” General Kenobi chimes in without turning his head away from the lake spread out before him.

“Beg your pardon Generals, Commanders, but I don’t need the Force to tell me that I made a fool of myself last night.” He pushes up from his seat, stealing the caf back from Bly and finishing off the dregs. The other Commander makes a disgruntled sound. “Now, if just one of you could point me in the correct direction I have some-

“Groveling?”

“Pleading?”

“Apologizing?”

The voices all mingle together as they chime in and Fox sighs, rubbing his temple.

“Yes, all of that and then some. Just-“ he lets out an exasperated sound “-has anyone seen her?”

——-

Mouse hadn’t meant to fall asleep. Really, she’d just hoped to get away for a bit. She needed to separate herself from the faces that looked so much like his and the sad looks they’d given her as she’d picked at her breakfast.

She needed to know that Fox wasn’t just a few easy steps across the hall. She’d stood with her hands flat against the door too many times for her liking last night. It was only a few steps and she could be wrapped up in him, repercussions be damned.

Mouse wanted to pretend that her ultimatum may not end with a choice she wasn’t happy with. If Fox decided he couldn’t - or wouldn’t - do what she’d asked, well, she wasn’t sure how she’d handle it.

The field, nearly half a klik from the estate, had become a favorite over the last few months. Close enough to the waterfalls to hear the rush of water over the edge - and catch some mist on a windy day - but rarely visited by locals. It was peaceful. 

The summer grasses had easily surpassed the height of her knees weeks ago and - with a little more rain and sunshine - would soon be at her waist. For now it was just long enough to make a makeshift nest when she lay a blanket down. The green stems stood proudly around their brothers and sisters squashed by the worn quilt she spread out. 

The sun shone softly through a sea of gossamer clouds, its rays warm and soothing as she lay down with a datapad to review Padmé’s personhood bill in its entirety. Mouse couldn’t help the pull of sleep. The legalese of the document and warm kiss of sun paired with the sleeplessness from the night before had her first drowsing then, finally, blessedly sleeping sheltered from the world and her problems that lay outside her ring of softly swaying pastoral grass and millaflowers.

Her dreams begin as nothing in particular. Another blessing in disguise. Nothing bad troubles her sleep, though nothing good brings tenderness either. Instead she catches glimpses of Coruscant, of Fox and the other boys of the Guard, of a tiny green-skinned twi’lek girl. Images of Luke and Leia older and toddling around with their mother and father laughing and following behind them. Slowly, the boys are filtered out, then the Amidala-Skywalker clan, even little Me’kar fades away. All of it is gone and Mouse finds herself alone in front of a tiny cottage. It has a vegetable garden along one side and rows of flowers along the other. She hears her name whispered softly, the warm rumble of it so familiar.

“Mouse.”

“Mouse”

“Mouse.”

Her eyes flutter open, and she squints into sun spilling around a vaguely humanoid shape while her eyes attempt to adjust to the sudden change. 

“I’ve been looking all over for you.” 

Fox.

She’d know his voice anywhere. Hope springs to life in her chest. He’d come to find her. Surely that had to be a good thing, right? She moves to stand, getting as far as sitting before he makes a disgruntled sound and angles himself down and onto her blanket. She watches him look around, his head barely above the tall grasses surrounding them. His gaze moves to her discarded shoes and bare feet, slowly traveling up over her calves where her dress has ridden up in her sleep. She blinks, trying to push the residual fog of sleep from her head. Fox’s gloved hand reaches out and skims over her ankle. That electric spark she’d felt at his touch last night is still there.

“Fox?” He won’t look her in the eyes. The feeling of his touch is missed when he pulls his hand away. “Fox-“ she tries again, hiding and failing to hide the slight quiver in her voice.

He holds his hand up. “I have things to say and I need you to listen to every one. I’m- I’m not sure if you’re going to like what I have to say.”

Mouse nods slowly. He’s more his namesake now, more animal than she’s ever seen him. She moves slowly to rise to her knees, afraid the wrong move, a sudden quick one, will see him breaking away.

“I can do that,” she offers slowly. Fear at what he has to say leaves a thick knot in her stomach. “If we’re going to do this, though, I need to see your eyes. Ok?”

Fox makes another sound, a small grunt of assent as she rises on her knees and puts her hands to either side of his bucket. She releases the locks, hears the gentle hiss of release. His features are schooled when she lifts it off, but she knows her Fox. Whatever he has to say is eating at him. She can see it in the dark circles that rest underneath his eyes, the exhaustion that looks almost permanent in the soft brown eyes she adores so much. Always the caregiver, she fights the urge to pull him down, make him lay his head in her lap. She wants to card her fingers through the new growth of hair, brush through the locks that were just beginning to curl and swirl at the ends until he falls asleep. 

But she also needs to know what he has to say. She needs her answer so her heart can shatter or mend because whatever it is, there will be no in between. Not with him. Not with them.

She watches him swallow, look at the sky and the soft clouds above them before bringing his attention back to her.

“I’ve made mistakes in my life,” he begins, “Some of them widely known. You- you are the mistake I regret the most.”

Mouse attempts to turn away, but she can’t. His words- it feels like she’s watching a hover train come off the rails in slow motion. Fox glances down at his hands, squeezes them into fists.

“I-“ his eyes travel back to hers, pinning her in place “I’ve called you my precious girl more times than I can remember, because to me you are the most precious gift the maker has ever deemed fit to give me. But you're not a girl. You’re a woman,. A smart, strong, caring woman and I called you a girl. When things got hard, I treated you like one, like I had never made a mistake, like I knew what was best for the both of us.”

Mouse can see it in the little ways he moves, the clench of his fingers and the way his eyes trail to her shoulder, the scar covered by the thin summer dress, that it is taking everything for him to muscle through this.

“Fox, why are you saying this?”

“Because I need you to know.” His jaw is set in a sharp line. “I need you to know that I’ve thought about you every day since you left Coruscant, that I dream about you every night. I need you to know that I’m afraid to be around you, that even with the chip gone and that- that hut’uun,” spitting the word out as if it tastes bad in his mouth, “dead, I’m scared that it’s not enough, that someone is going to say the wrong thing and I’m going to do something you won’t come back from - and there’ll be no field of wildflowers for me to find you sleeping in, because you’ll be dead and it will be my fault”

Mouse grabs his hand, forces her fingers between his until he relents and lets her hold it. Her other reaches up, strokes along his right temple and feels the telltale ridge of scar under her fingers.

“Listen to me.” It’s a firm order and his eyes go a little wide. “You are not a bad man. You never have been. You never will be. You are the reason I’m alive. Your will, your strength kept you from making a shot I know for a fact you could make in your sleep. The scars I bear are your love brought to life.”

Fox shakes his head quickly. “That is sick, cyar’ika, you were-“ 

It’s Mouse’s turn to make a sound of discontentment as she pulls at the collar of her dress, stretching it out and down around her shoulder. “Look at it,” she demands. When he hesitates, she places his hand on it, holds it down with her own. “It’s just skin, just flesh over bone. Do you think Palpatine would have allowed me to live even if you hadn’t been the one to do it?”

Her hand slides his down to her chest where she holds it high on her left breast. “This has always been yours. Do you feel it?”

Fox’s fingers twitch over her racing heart. She had to make him see. Even if this was the last moment they were ever together, he had to leave without the guilt. “This has always been yours,” she repeats again, “You protected it and I’m alive because of it.”

Fox pulls away from her with a rough exhale, shaking his head. Mouse lowers herself, sitting on her feet, pretending she doesn’t feel the pins and needles building in them. He won’t look at her as she adjusts the neck of her dress back. She’s failed. The sudden realization hits with such certainty. She was going to lose him for good.

“You are so warm. You draw people to you and take them in, claim them as yours and care for them. You’ve never seen myself or any of the other Guard as just clones. From day one you spoke to each and every trooper you met as an individual. You’ve always tried to help and for some reason I was the one lucky enough to have you helping me. Even when I was acting like osik. Even when I was gruff and dismissive. You dealt with me-“

“-And I loved you” 

Love her head screams at her to correct but she doesn’t. Fox nods.

“Someone else will come along and they’ll love you with everything they have to give.”

Mouse feels a sharp pain in her chest and tries to turn away. Fox’s curled finger catches under her chin and brings her eyes back up to his. Mouse sees something steely in their warm depths.

“They’ll give you the world. Everything I can’t. But you know what?” He lets the question hang in the air for a moment. “I don’t want anyone else to love you. That’s my job. I don’t want to lose you and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I ever put you in a position to think otherwise.”

Relief, warm and fluid fills her veins as tears threaten at the corners of her eyes. Fox watches with slow building panic.

“I- please don’t cry.”

Mouse laughs then and leans up, capturing his lips in a chaste kiss that he doesn’t respond to immediately. When she pulls back, he looks pleasantly bewildered.

“I’m not sad.” She wipes aggressively at a tear rolling down her cheek. “These are happy.”

Fox’s hands cup her cheeks, his thumb brushing away another stray tears. “Well if that’s all…”

 He leans in and captures her mouth in another sweet, delicate kiss, pours his love into it until it’s spilling over and Mouse thinks she could happily drown in the feel of it. 

When she attempts to deepen the kiss, he pulls back. Mouse bites the inside of her cheek to stop a whine from escaping.

“My self control is negligible at this point.” Fox manages a strained laugh while he cradles her face. “I don’t want to rush-“

Mouse presses forward and kisses him hard, sharp teeth nipping just this side of painful along his lower lip. The growl she’s missed over the last few months rumbles in his chest.

When she pulls back, letting his lip slip between her teeth, she can’t help but appreciate the way his eyes have darkened. His hands fall down to her hips and he stares. Just stares into her eyes, searching for something. Mouse doesn’t look away.

“You want to do this right here?” His voice is thick with the familiar gravel of lust and Mouse feels a wave of heat ripple through her body. Right here, on the blanket in the warm sun where anyone could see. There’s a certain thrill to that thought. She swallows thickly. 

“We need to slow down,” Fox repeats.

“Are you saying that for you or me? Because I’ve been waiting months to touch you,” she admits. If possible, Fox’s eyes darken more at the admission. She’s always loved his durasteel will, but right now Mouse found it more than a little irritating. 

“Cyar’ika.” His tone is warm, but the warning underneath is very clear. Ok. Fine. She could go a bit longer. 

“Can I show you something?”

A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth as his thumbs brush small light circles over her dress. 

“I suppose it depends on what you're trying to show me.” 

Mouse leans forward and the pair meet in a slow kiss, just a soft press of their mouths that neither can seem to deny. She murmurs against his lips when she pulls back. 

“Come with me.”

——-

Link to part 2/2 here

[heloflor]

Rogue arc : An analysis of “Abducting Murphy’s law” ’s B plot

So, as I mentioned in one of my fics, I wanted to write a long ass thing about Cavendish’s arc in season 2. Well, here’s part one!

While I said that I wanted to talk about the arc, to be honest I mostly had this episode in mind. “Abducting Murphy’s Law” is not my favorite episode but it does have my favorite B plot (by B plot I mean Cavendish and Dakota). The reason why I love this plot so much is because there’s tons of stuff to talk about, hence this post. So yeah, when I said I wanted to talk about Cavendish’s arc, what I mostly meant was that I wanted to infodump about this episode. Although, I did make a second post about how the reconciliation didn’t feel earned, along with some comments about the arc in general, including how Dakota definitely has some dependance issues but, instead of addressing it, the show tends to validate his fears. I’ll make sure to post both parts around the same time so that, if anybody wants to add or talk about it, they already have all my arguments.

This first half will be in four parts : a short explanation of which scenes I will talk about, one small side note about Bob Block being the least trustable character in this show, one pretty long part about how Dakota is throughout the episode and finally another long part about Cavendish and his evolution during the episode. And yeah, I know I could’ve made the Bob Block part into its own post but for some reason my brain really wants to put it in this post so…

And because I don’t want people to scroll through such a long text to read a tl;dr , here it is now :

tl;dr : - Bob Block is an untrustworthy condescending creep.

- Dakota plays moral support and does seem to believe Cavendish but is mostly worried about what Cavendish is trying to do and is gently trying to get him to give up while trying to stay on his side, as if something like that happened before.

- Cavendish is desperate to prove himself and the world that he’s someone, so when nobody takes him seriously or believe him, he’s willing to take matter into his own hands to prove them wrong.

 As for the full post (warning : it’s VERY long) :

So first off, I will talk about four scenes here : the scene on the parking lot, the three scenes at P.I.G. (warning Block, the computer room and the argument in the armory) and the scene with Cavendish leaving. So basically, every scene with the duo except for the dialogue between Dakota and Heinz, mostly because there isn’t really anything interesting to say about this scene, except maybe the fact that Dakota drowns his sorrows in food but that was pretty much expected given his personality and the fact that he literally says in “Missing Milo” that he eats when he’s stressed. Also, leave it to Doofenshmirtz to be vague about why Milo was missing, making it impossible for Dakota to know that there truly was an abduction; just like how in “The Last Day of Summer” in PnF, when he asks Candace if she saw his nemesis, he conveniently doesn’t describe Perry to her.

As for the small part about Bob Block : I don’t trust that guy in the slightest. Firstly, like basically everyone who watched the show already said, this guy gives off a very creepy vibe that makes him scream “villain”. And his design with his teeth + the voice actor’s former roles doesn’t help. Also, I recently re-watched the B plot of “Milo’s Shadow” and Cavendish calls P.I.G. a “clandestine government agency”, and I’m a bit curious about the “clandestine” part.

Secondly, I’ve seen a few people say that Block was hiding something darker because he was “too nice to be a good person” but like…he isn’t nice ??? Not in the slightest ??? Haven’t you heard him talk to Cavendish and Dakota in episodes like “Disco Do-Over”, “Lady Krillers” or “Field of Screams” ? He’s extremely condescending to them. Seriously, he talks to them like they were toddlers. Like, you know that “baby voice” you take to make kids feel excited about something ? He uses the exact same kind of voice with Cav and Vinnie. And the fact that he speaks slowly or him killing aliens while telling Cav that he’s doing the important job doesn’t help with the condescending aspect.

Another thing that I noticed about him is that he tends to be in control of every discussion he’s a part of. In particular, he has a tendency to cut off Dakota when the two are talking. I don’t know why Dakota specifically but in my rewatchs I didn’t notice him do the same with Cavendish. And since we’re on the topic of him being condescending and cutting off : first, in “Walker, Runner, Screamer”, he hangs up on Cavendish without listening to him and secondly and most importantly, in “Parks and Wreck”, not only does he cut Dakota again but he also goes from “I’m 100% listening to what you want to tell me” to “Sorry I’m too busy” in like 5 seconds. Bob Block doesn’t care about them. He isn’t being nice. He’s a condescending ass who borderline gaslight them by pretending to be nice.

Another thing that I’d like to discuss about him is the fact that I’m seriously doubting that he’s related to Mr. Block, which is not reassuring because it would mean that he somehow learned about time travel and time agents etc. But yeah, about the relation with Block : Thing is, Mr. Block is at the head of B.O.T.T. and one of the judges of whatever their court system is. So in other words, he knows about the rules better than anyone. And while he does seem a bit immature at times and in canon went back in time to watch a movie he missed, I don’t feel like going back to meet his ancestors is something he’ll do ? I mean, we know that “don’t cross your own timeline” is a pretty big rule for time agents, and in “A Christmas Peril”, Block seems genuinely surprised to see his future self, which makes me think that he doesn’t do this kind of time-travel much. Also, if he’s willing to go back in time to meet his ancestors, why doesn’t he go back to buy pistachios ? So yeah, I know this is all speculation and for all I know he could have gone back in the past but there’s just something about his character and the situation that makes me go “would he tho ?”.

Also, while I completely agree that it can be possible, I’m a bit surprised about the fact that the family managed to keep the same last name for over 120 years. Like, did every generation had sons ? I know it’s entirely possible but would it happen here ? Or were there daughters who kept their last name after getting married ? Did Block really go back in time to meet his ancestors, leading to them wishing to keep the last name ? As for the physical appearance, aside from the hair, they don’t really have anything in common but it’s expected given the number of years between the two.

One last thing about Bob Block : In “Abducting Murphy’s Law” (you know, the episode that’s supposed to be the main focus of this post), there’s that moment with the character “Toodles” and I genuinely wished I had something to say about this moment, especially with the “I need to look like I’m going somewhere” line but I have no idea how to interpret it (and it’s frustrating honestly). So yeah, this line is here and it’s weird but I don’t know what to do about it.

  Now, onto the actual episode (this will be cut in different parts to make it easier on the read, especially for those who wish to read it but can’t take it all at once. So yes, this post is literally an actual essay) :

I. Dakota’s side

1. Emotional support

So in the first two scenes, Dakota does what he always does. I’ve mentioned it in this long-ass post but when Cavendish gets frustrated or angry, Dakota has a tendency to act more laid-back and chill as a counterpoint. I think a good example of that is at the end of “Walker, Runner, Screamer”.

During the entire episode, Dakota looks annoyed or unhappy and yet, in that scene, he’s suddenly smiling. And it’s something that he does throughout the entire show, as if it was his way of “soothing” Cav. And in “Abducting Murphy’s Law”, that’s what he does at first. If you notice, when Cavendish gets angry after Block’s call and throw that metallic pick-up thing on the ground, Dakota closes his eyes for a good second. And when he reopens them, he starts talking about his lunch, going back into his laid-back role as if to try calming Cav down. This is also what he does after his rant a few seconds later, when he immediately offers food to Cavendish after said rant.

And speaking of that rant, I have a few things to say about it. First off, I do believe that Cavendish needed to hear that. Yes, it hurt his feelings, but given what happens during the rest of the episode, it does feel like Cavendish needs a reality check. Also reminder that this is the man who spent years dying ever so often; and on the island, some Dakotas look older than the one we follow in the show. So you’d think that after knowing about all these deaths, he’ll try to be at least a bit more careful. So yeah, while Dakota could’ve phrased things differently, I feel like this is something Cavendish needed to hear at some point.

Secondly, I can understand why Dakota would rant like that. Ever since the beginning of season 2, Cavendish has been complaining about his new job, ever more than the pistachios mission (for which Dakota also didn’t seem really satisfied, given how he easily follows through with Cavendish in “Time Out” and how he complains at the beginning of “Perchance to Sleepwalk”.). And when Cavendish complains, there are a few times like in “Disco Do-Over” or “Walker, Runner, Screamer” in which Dakota doesn’t seem to be very happy having to deal with Cavendish’s mood. Also, keep in mind that we see the duo like every three episodes and that just because they aren’t on screen doesn’t mean that they aren’t working. So for at least a month, given how each “show season” takes place during an “earth season” (if that makes sense), Dakota had to deal with working a shit job with someone who’s constantly complaining about it.

I’d also like to point out that, in “Backwards to School Night”, the line about Dakota not wearing much on Sundays and Cavendish not knowing about it hints that they don’t live together in the future. So that “constant roommates” situation could be new to them; and given how little they probably earn, it’s understandable that they’d rather keep this small “apartment” and share rent rather than splitting to go live in a different place each. In other words, Dakota doesn’t really have much choice but to live with Cavendish and hear him talk about saving the world everyday. Given all that, I’m honestly not that surprised that Dakota ended up snapping and giving Cav a piece of his mind. His patience was bound to run out at one point.

Side note : I’m not saying that Dakota is an easy person to live with compared to Cavendish. Honestly, they probably argued about money at some point due to Dakota’s eating habits and the fact that neither of them seems to know how to cook, so they have to eat out every day. I’m just saying that Cavendish is seen always complaining about his job and Dakota most likely hears him complain much more than we do. And no matter how much you like someone, hearing them say the same things over and over again get tiring. And besides, the argument could work in the opposite direction too. Maybe Cav is tired of Dakota never taking everything seriously; but much like Dakota, he can’t just buy his own place and live alone easily.

 Thirdly, I’d like to comment on this face :

Two things to say about this face. First, the most obvious, he’s sad for Cavendish. If the whole “being chill when Cav is angry” is any indicator, Dakota doesn’t like seeing Cavendish be sad or miserable. Besides, this guy didn’t spend years saving Cavendish and trying to always be by his side just to destroy his self-esteem later on.

Secondly, I can’t help but feel like Dakota is also thinking of his own emotions here. As said before, Dakota isn’t very happy with his new job either, as we clearly see in “Walker, Runner, Screamer” (I swear mentioning this episode is turning into a drinking game). While he’s still cheerful from time to time, he went from having a lazy smile as a resting face in season 1 to having a more neutral or tired expression.

But at the same time, Dakota doesn’t really express his frustrations, most likely because Cavendish is much more vocal than him and he’d rather help Cavendish with his emotions than work on his own, like a “you have enough frustration for the both of us” kind of way. After all, we see in season 1 that he tends to shut down and keep to himself, which led to all his frustration in the argument of “A Christmas Peril”, since he wasn’t able to tell Cav why his lack of consideration was making him so angry, especially when Cavendish calls him selfish.

So here, it feels like Dakota isn’t just feeling shitty because Cavendish feels shitty but he’s also dropping his mask and showing more of his emotions, here the fact that he isn’t happy about his current life either. But unlike Cavendish, he’s able to go with the flow and find some contentment in the smaller things.

 Now, about the scene at P.I.G.’s office : For the “support” part, there isn’t that much to say. When Block turns Cavendish down and the guy starts feeling bad, Dakota goes back to his supporting role. In a way, he’s acting like in season 1. Except that this isn’t season 1 and he can’t time-travel anymore. So when Cav starts talking about breaking the rules and risking their jobs, Dakota immediately considers his words a mistake and try to stop Cavendish from thinking too much about it.

  2. Opposition

So I’m going to cover a part of the last two scenes at P.I.G. . First off, the scene in the computer room. At the beginning, Dakota seems still pretty encouraging with how he reminds Cavendish of what he said about what the ship looks like. But quickly, he starts to make Cavendish doubt himself.

What’s really interesting though is Dakota’s phrasing. When he starts talking to Cav, he says “Maaayybe I suppose but are you really sure you saw what you saw ? I mean…” and then goes on with the reasons why Cavendish might have imagined it. But about that quote, what I find interesting is the amount of incertitude he puts there with the “maybe”, “I suppose”, “are you sure”. It really feels like Dakota is trying to discourage Cavendish from looking for the ship while at the same time trying to stay on his good side by doubting him but not too much. This actually makes me wonder if such a situation happened before, hence why Dakota tries to stay on Cav’s good side.

Side note : “This isn’t my running tracksuit, this is my eating tracksuit!”, he says as if his tracksuits weren’t all eating tracksuits.

 Then there’s the scene in the armory. First off, this face :

He keeps that same expression throughout the entire moment, both when watching Cavendish and the guard, and I don’t know how to interpret it, which is frustrating. My best guess is that Cavendish seems in better spirits, which reassures him or something like that. Or maybe the fact that Cavendish still wants to hang out with him to try finding the ship makes him think that Cavendish won’t ghost him. Really, I don’t see why he would smile like that only to start being frustrated again ten seconds later.

As for the argument in the armory; here I’m not going to talk about the main parts of the argument but a few things that Dakota says. Firstly, he again seems to try being on Cavendish’s good side with him saying “I believe that you believe”, though this isn’t enough to convince Cavendish. He also says “maybe we shouldn’t touch those” (not a direct quote) instead of just saying “we can’t touch those” or something like that. So again, he’s more into the “maybe you’re right maybe you’re wrong” area of the argument.

Secondly, I find the line “We’re stuck here. We live here now” really interesting. Like for at the beginning of the episode, this seems like Dakota showing more of his feelings. The way he says “we’re stuck here” first before catching himself and saying “we live here” shows again that he’s not happy with his current situation. Heck, it also means that he’s not just unhappy about the job but also being forced to live in a different time period than his, given that he says “stuck”. So yeah, he’s not happy about the situation and tries to hide it to make Balth his priority.

 Thirdly, there’s this expression when he leaves the room and tries to follow Cavendish :

(He looks like a kicked puppy I’m-)

So, when Cavendish leaves the room, he leaves behind an angry Dakota. And yet, barely a few seconds later, we see Dakota trying to follow Cav and his expression is filled with worry. This again makes me think that such a situation happened before, which would be why Dakota is so worried about not being at Cavendish’s side. Like, maybe at some point they had a mission that resulted in a terrible argument and Cavendish ended up trying to solve things alone, only to get injured or even die or something like that. And if something like that happened, that could explain why Dakota is now trying to convince Cavendish to stop looking for the ship without putting Cavendish against him and why he would look so worried when he realizes that he’s losing the battle; especially given how he can’t time-travel now. But again, this is all a complete speculation here. We have no concrete proof that such a thing happened before.

And since we’re on the topic of Dakota trying to be gentle in his approach : I’d argue that Dakota actually believes Cavendish when he says that he saw a ship. This is due to four reasons :

- They’ve been time-travelers for a while and probably saw a lot (just the “milk to death line”. Whatever this is, Dakota saw some shit.); the same way they met aliens a few episodes before this one. So seeing a spaceship wouldn’t be the most surprising thing in the world (Heck, P.I.G. literally has a computer showing all kind of ships they discovered; also the duo once went on the moon given the montage in “Island of the Lost Dakotas”).

- When they’re talking to Bob Block, the boss asks Dakota if he saw the abduction, and while Dakota says no, he starts saying “But if he says he saw it” before getting interrupted by Block.

- In the armory, when Dakota says “I didn’t saw what you saw but I believe that you believe and that’s” before getting interrupted. This line kind of gives off the impression that he does believe in Cavendish and so believe that Cav saw a ship. Though the “I believe that you believe” can definitely be seen as him not really believing him, just like with Cavendish saying “it’s like saying ‘I believe you’re hallucinating’ “

- In the scene when Cavendish leaves, Dakota says “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you in the way that you wanted me to.”. The fact that he adds the “in the way that you wanted me to” again gives the impression that he does think that Cavendish saw a spaceship. It’s just that Cav expects more than just a “I believe that you saw it”.

So overall, there’s the possibility that Dakota does believe in Cavendish. Honestly, the only thing that seems odd is the fact that Dakota doesn’t want to go and try to save the abductee. Though, given the fact that they’re risking their jobs and given the possibility of such a situation happening before, paired with Dakota’s fears for Cavendish’s life and the fact that he can’t time travel anymore, meaning that all of his actions have consequences; I guess it does make sense to some extent that Dakota doesn’t want to save the abductee. He worries more about Cavendish being alive and safe, especially now that he can’t go back. However, I’ll admit that the way Dakota just brushes off the possibility of someone being abducted and in danger does feel out of character. Although, watching “The Substitute” again, the two did leave the classroom without trying to do anything to help the kids against the blob; so honestly I don’t know.

This all leads us to the last part for Dakota :

3. The evolution throughout the scenes

So as I said, Dakota starts off trying to be supportive of Cavendish by being reassuring, but as Cav starts to be more and more absorbed by the idea of proving the ship exists, Dakota starts to distance himself from him by trying to convince him to stop looking. And then comes the last scene, in which all Dakota can do is try to convince Cavendish to stay with him.

Honestly, thinking about this scene, it feels like Dakota already knows that he lost the fight. When he asks “you say that sarcastically ?”, he just sounds tired. Also, there’s how his way of talking changes in the episode. At first, in the computer room, he tries to use facts to convince Cav to stop looking for the ship, talking about how there was some sunlight or how Cavendish got worked up. Then, during the argument on the armory, it’s kind of the same, although the facts that he gives are much more personal this time around with how he mentions that it’s a question of how their actions now have consequences and he can’t just fool around anymore.

Then, during the last scene at the “apartment”, he doesn’t even try to argue about the ship aside from his apology. Instead, he mentions his partnership with Cav and how they’re always able to talk things through, which actually reminds me of how in the scenes when they’re in private they act differently than in public, making it seem like they do communicate quite a lot by dropping their defenses around each other and vent to each other. Heck, the way Dakota says in this episode “We talk it out, we’re a team” really gives off the impression that yes, Cavendish and Dakota do talk things out when they have a big argument. And that’s what Dakota wants to do in this scene. He just wants the two of them to sit down and talk it out; no more running away, no more argument.

But yeah, in this scene, it’s not about the ship. It’s about Cavendish staying with him. And honestly, it feels like something that can be applied to how Dakota is throughout the entire episode. All he seems to care about is if Cavendish is going to stay with him or ghost him. Again, it kinds of falls into the idea that a similar situation happened before.

One last thing that I’ve written down is the fact that Dakota sutters while trying to convince Cav to stay in that last scene. But after watching a few of the previous episodes, Dakota actually has a tendency to sutter when he gets anxious or nervous. As a few examples : the ending of “A World Without Milo” at the beginning of his talk with Elliot, the crossover episode when Cav learns about the island, several scenes in “Escape” (Dakota’s such a mess in this episode).

 So that’s all for my breakthrough of Dakota’s part in this episode. Overall, he seems like he just wants to be with Cavendish, and for some reason seems to believe him while at the same time not trying anything to help the abductee. He’s protective, most likely due to the trauma of seeing Cavendish die over and over again for years. In short, that man has some issues that the show should really consider mentioning if season 3 comes around. But I will discuss more about these issues in my second post on the topic.

Now, onto Cavendish :

II. Cavendish’s side

1. Insecurities and evolution before this episode

So let me get this out of the way first : Cavendish is a very insecure guy, and what happened in “Abducting Murphy’s Law” was bound to happen at some point. We see glimpses of it in “Time Out” and “Abducting Murphy’s Law” seems to revolve around it : Cavendish is a guy who seems to have a pretty low self-esteem and who tries to hide it in his way to act all professional and “know-it-all/all-mighty”. We see it in how easily he gets sad in “Time Out” when realizing that his job barely matters, and we also see it when he’s in private with how soft he becomes. Just look at how, at the beginning of the Halloween special, he very easily agrees to follow Dakota’s plan and only calls Dakota a “meanie” for steaking stuff, which contrasts with his “Doughty snackhound” from “We’re Going to the Zoo”. He also shows his anxiety in “Snow Way Out” and is very soft and calming in “Perchance to Sleepwalk”.

So yeah, his attitude outside is more of an act than anything, though I’m not denying that he also gets grumpy because that’s a side of his personality (I wish I had any artistic talent so I could draw Cavendish with John Mulaney’s “When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting !”, including John talking about his wife after this line).

So all this to say that Cavendish is insecure. And because of those insecurities, he feels the need to prove himself. He wants to be a hero, he wants to feel like a hero, but he also wants others to see him as a hero. Again, “Time Out” shows it well with how quickly he gets obsessed at the possibility of a counter-agent working against him, nevermind the fact that it’s a literal child.

And we see it even more in season 2. Every episode, he complains about how shitty his life became and how unfair it is. In particular, there’s the episode “Free Fall”, his last appearance before “Abducting Murphy’s Law”. In “Free Fall”, he seems even more fed up than usual about his job, and when a drone attacks him, he’s immediately happy that someone, anyone, noticed him. The ending of this episode actually makes me feel sad for him. He’s just so desperate for something good to finally happen to him; and he does deserve better than that. It’s just sad.

It also feels like he’s starting to distance himself from Dakota during the first half of season 2. By that, I mean that they don’t have as much interactions as they did in season 1, which was full of their banter (which is what made them so entertaining to watch). Heck, in “Milo’s Shadow”, Cavendish is shown alone, without Dakota. And in this episode, Cav tries to tell others about the aliens and get some people concerned about it.

Also, he clearly tries to impress the others when telling his story, even if he doesn’t consider them much. As for the other episodes, Cavendish and Dakota are mostly concerned over their mission and as such aren’t seen interact much, aside from like the beginning of “Lady Krillers”; which is a bit of a shame considering how their interactions are the best thing about their plot (but I already have another post ready that talks about season 2 and its issues so I won’t rant about it here).

So in short, Cavendish is desperate for good things to happen to him. He’s desperate to prove himself, he’s desperate to have other people take him seriously for once, he’s desperate to have a better life than that. During the first half of the season, it feels like this is what they were trying to show. And it all culminates in “Abducting Murphy’s Law”.

2. His evolution throughout the episode

So I’m going to do one big part here, going scene by scene.

Parking-lot scene :

So, in the first scene, Cavendish is the same as in previous episodes. He’s not satisfied with his job and wishes for more, in particular recognition for his previous actions in season 1. He’s (rightfully honestly) having a hard time accepting that this is all he gets, and when Dakota gives him a reality check, it only makes him feel worse.

Then there’s the encounter with Scott. This one’s pretty interesting. Alright so first off, it seems that Cavendish considered what both Dakota and Scott told him and decided to try and stop sulking, trying to see a more positive side of his situation. Though, it’s very interesting how he says “but how ?” right before seeing the UFO. In a way, it also really shows the difference of mentality between him and Dakota. Dakota has accepted that this is all he’ll get, and while he’s not happy about it, he decides to try seeing the good in smaller things. Cavendish on the other hand doesn’t seem to be able to do the same. Heck, when Dakota does it at the beginning of the episode, Cavendish sees it as Dakota lacking ambition; which in itself isn’t actually wrong since Dakota really doesn’t seem to want much from life aside from having fun and being with Cav.

Then, there’s also the line “Loss can lead to new adventures”. What I love about this is how, when we start the episode, the “loss” is more about how Cav is feeling. I mean, even Cavendish says that he needs to stop sulking after hearing this sentence. But then we watch the end of the episode and suddenly “Loss can lead to new adventures” has a brand-new meaning. And ouch. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love it, but still, ouch. Though, to be honest, I do wonder if at some point during the episode, Cavendish realized that “loss” could also mean leaving Dakota behind. Honestly tho if Cavendish repeated the sentence during the separation it would have been some amazing angst. But I’m getting off-topic.

Afterwards, there’s the abduction. When Cav sees it, he reacts exactly like he did at the end of “Time Out” and “Free Fall” : he gets excited and touchy, ignoring what Dakota says as he’s too taken from seeing this as a new opportunity to prove himself worthy of a better life. Thinking about it, it’s actually both funny and sad how he seems to care more about people seeing the ship and promoting him than the fact that someone was straight-up kidnapped by aliens (what’s up with Cavendish and Dakota not caring about people’s lives in this episode ? Though, given how they were in early season 1, I guess they just don’t care for the people they don’t know, do they ?).

Though, Cavendish mostly thinking about a promotion does fit his character. Again, he’s now desperate for recognition. In the spun of the moment, it isn’t about someone getting abducted, it’s about him being a hero again.

One last thing that I want to mention, mostly because I don’t really know where to put it otherwise : some scenery regarding Cavendish and Dakota at the end of the scenes. Every single scene with the two of them in this episode ends with Cavendish leaving the frame without Dakota, with Dakota trying to follow him in the first and second scene. Then, starting with the computer room scene, Dakota is left behind, the first time by his own volition as he’s starting to be less and less able to follow with Cavendish’s mindset and get angry about it, then left behind because Cavendish is too far gone into his ideas and prevents Dakota to stay with him, no matter how much Dakota tries to follow him, desperate to set things right. That’s all I have to say about how the characters move into the frames, but I found that to be a very interesting detail.

  The P.I.G. desks + the computer room scenes :

Like for Dakota, I don’t have much to say about the second scene. Bob Block doesn’t believe Cavendish in the slightest (and is being a condescending smartass about it; god I hate this guy. He’s great as a character but my god I hate him as a person) and it leaves Cavendish sad and disappointed. But then, Dakota tries to cheer him up, which only prompts Cavendish to try acting against his boss’ wishes. It’s like I said earlier : they have the same mentality as in season 1 in which ignoring the rules had little to no consequences aside from a slap on the wrist, leading them to do what they wanted.

But here, this isn’t season 1 and their actions have consequences. Dakota had realized that and tries to call Cavendish off his goal, but Cavendish is too excited to listen to him. This is the same structure as “School Dance” or “The Little Engine that Couldn’t” in which Cavendish gets his mind set on something. And in these two episodes, Dakota simply follows him without complaining. Heck, in “School Dance”, when the kids confront them about the whole “vampire” business and say “We know what you’re up to”, Dakota replies “Really ? Cause I barely know” which shows that, in this episode, he basically blindly follows Cavendish around, not caring enough about his job to object when Cav wants to do something that goes against what their boss want.

So, because of how they were in season 1, Cavendish is used to act when his mind is set on something. And he’s also used to have Dakota follow him, which might explain why he sounds like he’s taking Dakota’s objections in this scene like a joke. After all, Dakota always let him have his way, even when he disagreed with it. So why should it be different this time around ?

In a way, Cavendish has a certain disconnect, not really realizing the consequences of his actions. I guess that may be due to his previous job or the fact that, with Dakota secretly protecting him all the time, it never occurred to him how badly things can turn out.

One last thing for this scene, about the dialogue with Block and Cav mentioning the need to save the abductee : it’s again a bit unclear whether Cavendish wants to save them because they’re a person in danger or if he’s only thinking about people discovering that he was right and making him a hero. Though, looking back at his facial expression, he does seem genuinely concerned for the person (and I’m actually starting to wonder how he would’ve reacted had he known that the abductee was Milo).

As for the computer scene, again, not much to say. It’s Cavendish focusing on the task he wants to accomplish while Dakota’s just there to be there. Again, we see Cavendish be too obsessed with his task to pay mind to Dakota’s objections. We also see him get irritated when Dakota objects, though not as much as later on, as if he could tell that Dakota wasn’t truly believing him but at the same time thinks that Dakota will keep following and supporting him.

Side note : Seeing Cavendish knowing how to use a computer feels really weird. Like, I know he’s from the future so obviously he knows how technology works without any problem, but this is a guy who walks around with an 1850s outfit and who keeps using outdated expressions. So seeing him use a computer just doesn’t feel right.

The armory scene :

Now we get into the juicy part.

Alright so first off, a side note : “I am a naughty boy !” Cavendish, buddy, please don’t ever say something like that again ! Although it’s pretty adorable to see that dork feeling like such a gangster after “breaking” one rule (I mean, he was allowed in by the guard so it’s not really breaking the rules).

Secondly, like in the first scene at the beginning of the episode, when talking about saving the abductee, he seems more focused on the fact that he’s a hero who needs to save the world. It really gives off the impression that he doesn’t care that much about what happened to this person. He just wants validation and uses the current circumstances to do so. Again, this is just sad (I swear making this analysis is starting to make me feel really bad for Balth).

Thirdly, the line “Come on, partner !”. At first, I thought Cavendish was trying to convince Dakota to help him by reminding him of how close they are. But thinking about it again, I can’t help but see it as Cavendish trying to convince himself that Dakota will help him. I mean, he definitely noticed that Dakota wasn’t ok with what he was doing, no matter how oblivious he seems to be to Dakota’s objections. But up until now, Dakota had a tendency to just shrug it off and follow. So seeing him be so insistent now may have made Cav realize that maybe Dakota won’t follow through this time. So he tries to convince himself that Dakota will come through for him, because they’re partners.

Fourthly, the argument itself. When Dakota starts to interject more seriously, Cavendish reminds him of the obvious : that, when they were time-travelers, Dakota couldn’t care less about the rules. But things are different for them now, actions have consequences, and Cavendish doesn’t seem to truly grasp that. Heck, after Dakota argues that they have responsibilities to keep, Cavendish immediately points the finger at him with the “You don’t believe me” line, which completely changes the direction of the argument. Seriously, Dakota was talking about how they needed to follow the rules to survive in this new time-period and Cavendish starts talking about something that has nothing to do with what Dakota just said. Although, given that these two have known each other for at least like 10 years or so, given how much Cav changed from his design in “First Impressions”, I guess him changing the topic like that might be due to him knowing Dakota well enough to understand that, when Dakota objects to him like that, it’s because there’s a lack of trust there.

As for the rest of the argument, I guess this is mostly Cavendish’s desperation and obsession that are speaking. I mean, Cavendish is never taken seriously by anyone aside from Dakota. So here, when Dakota doesn’t support him like he expected him to, this is probably the last straw for him. He isn’t willing to listen to Dakota’s excuses, cutting him mid-sentence. And if Dakota’s face is any indicator, he can clearly tell that Cav doesn’t want to listen and that he’s losing the battle.

Cavendish has made up his mind. He knows what he saw, he knows that aliens are on earth, kidnapping people; and if nobody, not even Dakota, is willing to listen to him, then he’ll have to prove them all himself, no matter the cost.

  The ‘leaving’ scene :

Then comes the last scene, with Cavendish packing his bags. Again, he isn’t willing to listen to Dakota. He made up his mind and he’s determined to find the UFO. As he says it himself when Dakota tries to apologize : “It’s too late for that”.

Though, as I’ve seen mentioned in a fic that was basically an analysis of that last scene, we do have Cavendish leave a teddy bear behind. The bear wasn’t on the couch when he was packing, so it’s likely that he felt genuinely bad for ditching Dakota and decided to leave a plush behind to keep him company.

Also, a thing that I keep bringing up in my fics : I truly don’t think that Cavendish wanted to leave forever. I mean, he probably only took the essentials in the bag he used; he probably has much more than that stuff. Also, I highly doubt that he would wish to never see Dakota again. Heck, in “Escape”, when they reunite, Cavendish is pretty nonchalant about the whole thing, as if he expected to see Dakota again. Overall, it’s more that he thinks that Dakota’s going to try to stop him or slow him down since he doesn’t really believe in him, so he wants to do this rescue alone.

And one last thing regarding Dakota : the whole “It’s safer for you to stay here”. I find this line really interesting. Because thing is, no it’s not safer. Cavendish doesn’t go alone to protect Dakota, he does it to prove a point, to prove that he’s right and everyone else is wrong. But thing is, Cav already has some pretty low self-esteem, and accepting the fact that he’s being selfish by leaving wouldn’t help with it. Also, as I’ve mentioned in my long-ass “fun facts about these two” post, when Cavendish is in a situation that’s possibly dangerous, his first reflex is almost always to worry about Dakota’s well-being. So, in my interpretation, Cavendish knows that he’s being selfish by leaving like that and ghosting Dakota, so he tries to tell himself to leave by convincing himself that he’s leaving the guy behind to protect him; because there’s nothing more important to him than Dakota’s safety, so it’s much easier on the mind to tell himself that he’s doing it for Dakota.

  Aaaand that’s pretty much all for this analysis, which is already a lot to take in (12 pages. This entire post is 12 pages long. 11 without the pictures).

Thanks for reading !

[babysprouseisart]

A little letter for you from me at the start of the new year

Here's to 2021...

This past year has been so contradictory.

There has been a lot happening.

Deadly virus, deaths, including the very honored people, isolation, world's catastrophies, including nature ones and ideological, the BLM motion, political and economical shocks, cultural and art changes, personal traumas and break ups, and so much more.

This past year has been so hard for millions of people and hundreds of countries.

But there also have been positive, happy changes, which have made this year a bit better.

Brave medical staff, great improvements in different fields, more creativity and challenges, the cohesion of the people and the great spirit, the well-deserved awards, the progress in the space business, the launch of SpaceX, increased birth rate among the stars, and much more local and global.

And for everyone, this year was special in its own way.

For some it was more terrible and for others this year was not even bad.

For me personally, this year was the last before adult independent life, before the period of exams, graduation and stress.

This past year has been rather fine for me, although a lot happened, some new things, some new way of studying, Zoom, new lifestyle, a lot of disagreements and absurdity, I also can't even believe I'll be 18 in 2021.

But the huge part of my life are you, my followers and people who I follow, my family in some sort, this place where I have spent and spend a lot of time.

I was pleasantly surprised how many of you are already with me, and how you still tolerate me. As funny as it sounds I'm still not sure if I deserve you at all.

There are a lot more of you here and I respect and appreciate each of you.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, you can always contact me, give me your preferably honest opinion.

I'll always try to be honest with you, and even if you're a hater, no matter how much you hurt me, I don't care, I can take it.

I learned to do it after a long time, because there were many reasons for the whole year, especially in recent months. But I do not despair, because there are much more like-minded people here and they are more valuable to me.

And I'm still learning how to fight back, and probably not everything turned out great, sometimes ridiculous, but whatever.

Speaking of this place, it is impossible not to mention that for me, as a former huge and sincere fan of #Sprousehart, this year has been particularly tipping and staggering. It began with the break up of two wonderful and loved by millions of people. We were in shock and it was very sad. For some, this period, especially the period of speculation and incomprehensibility, instability, constant appearance of new facts, information, narratives, changes in behavior was particularly very difficult and painful due to the our long-term involvement and devotion to the two actors. We were all thrown from one to the other day after day. A storm of various opinions and dissensions raged in our ranks. We seemed to be divided and to this day, unfortunately, we, former close-knit fans, exist in two camps.

I very much was jealous, but in a good way actually, of those ordinary, maybe more abnegated and distracted in some way, fans of the show and of the actors, who never gave a sign of admitting a change and remained independent fans, although I am sure that this phenomenon shocked everyone, just some more than others and not everyone dared to honestly speak out, discuss, go into details and join any so-called camp.

And this is normal in both cases on the one hand, because we are all different and everyone has treated and treats this phenomenon in their own way, how many people - so many opinions. But on the other hand, it's a little lousy to look back and remember all the beautiful moments of the ex-beloved couple, remember our common joy, common experiences and admiration, and in general remember all this confusion and mess that we all went through this year.

But despite all this, this period has taught me a lot and, I hope, many people have learned or were reminded once more, that you do not need to get so involved with two strangers, it will just destroy you in one not very positive moment, I would even say at the time of the black stripe.

You can love them as individuals, honor them, but it should not go beyond and when something between them or regarding them will not work out you should not be so deadly sad, broken.

Remember, and I would very much like us all to reconsider our views in the future, if not already, and be happy, honestly.

I am infinitely grateful to everyone, and you know who you are, who was with me, who stayed with me and helped me not to despair, helped me to reconsider a lot, helped me not to lose heart and was just honest and nice to me. 

It is very important to be able to let go and abstract, although we humans are by nature very inquisitive creatures

However, time is fleeting, black stripes always change to white and everything will fall into place someday.

I love you guys, each of you, you are all amazing.

Happy New Year, buddies!   With love, forever yours, Katie.

[floxalopex]

*overthinks in Latin*

Premise: although I chose to do something completely different at University, when I was a teen I attended a "classical High School", as we call it here. Probably you already know that, anyways it's a school whose main focus is on ancient Greek and Latin literature, grammar and poetry. I did that manly because I believe ancient religions are way more cool than the Abrahmic ones, plus I wanted a "last taste" of humanities before a future life of science and also because the alternative ( a "scientific" High School) had a lot of Math...and let's be honest, Math kinda sucks (curse autistic stereotypes).

I feel the need to specify this in order to make everyone understand that this is NOT my field, it's just something I kinda like. My knowledge it's very rudimental and I'm open to suggestions and criticism by more experienced people.

That said.

One of the first things that came into my mind seeing Horde Prime's clones condition was the content of "Epistula 47" by Seneca, also called the "Letter to slaves". Let's begin with fragment 7.

7)"Another carves the priceless game birds; with unerring strokes and skilled hand he cuts choice morsels along the breast or the rump. Hapless fellow, to live only for the purpose of cutting fat capons correctly, – unless, indeed, the other man is still more unhappy than he, who teaches this art for pleasure's sake, rather than he who learns it because he must."

I recall that this passage in the original language was written with repetetive words. The meaning of the passage is strongly related to one of the most dehumanazing things slaves have to face: alienation. Doing the same thing all over again, forever. Ned Ludd, father of "Luddism", in the newly industialized England did one thing: he destroyed his frame. Why? Because he was overworking, was alienated by his task so much that he was loosing his identity. He became his task, his only need to exist was his task of weaving. Again and again. I've read many posts about clones' duties and how the probably switched them among other clones so they didn't develop a "talent" in that task or take pleasure in it. My point is, imagine this: they give you this task, let's say putting exately 10 cookies in a box (I'm hungry ok? Plus cookies are cute). At first you kind of suck, the cookies are small and slippery and you take like 12 cookies, 9 cookies instead of 10. Then your cerebellum makes your movements have a "rhythm", a coordination (it really happenes in factories) and you are pleased with yourself. You think "wow I'm good at this". Then you do it for a day, a week, a year. You become stressed, bored, tired. But it's your job, you are the only one who can do it at this rhythm. Don't you want to do your job? You know what the consequences are if you don't do it. And so...slowly...you become your task, your sole purpose in life is to fill that damned box with cookies, which aren't even for you.

This is what crosses my mind everytime I see people not calling the clones their proper name: slaves.

But things can get worse. I know this is a kid show and they wanted to make the "sexual arrassement thing" subtext. But really, why are those who understand it find it sexy to ship clones with Prime? Kinky? ( my demi ass: when did sex become more important than dignity?). It's rape. Not "making love".

So that's the other passage that came into my mind

8)"Another, who serves the wine, must dress like a woman and wrestle with his advancing years; he cannot get away from his boyhood; he is dragged back to it; and though he has already acquired a soldier's figure, he is kept beardless by having his hair smoothed away or plucked out by the roots, and he must remain awake throughout the night, dividing his time between his master's drunkenness and his lust; in the chamber he must be a man, at the feast a boy."

So...where do I begin? The clones can't age, they aren't allowed to age. They must be fit, healty. Always, otherwise...you know.

And I think I don't want to add more to this, just because the passage is quite fitting on its own.

Moving on, men I like Glimmer but I don't like how she didn't respect the food prepared by the clones for her. Yes, respect. First because it's food. Food is not an enemy, food is a gift. Second because it took time to make it. You Glimmer threw away food the clones so elegantely prepared for you, despite the fact they probably don't even know how it tastes like.

9) "Another, whose duty it is to put a valuation on the guests, must stick to his task, poor fellow, and watch to see whose flattery and whose immodesty, whether of appetite or of language, is to get them an invitation for to-morrow. Think also of the poor purveyors of food, who note their masters' tastes with delicate skill, who know what special flavours will sharpen their appetite, what will please their eyes, what new combinations will rouse their cloyed stomachs, what food will excite their loathing through sheer satiety, and what will stir them to hunger on that particular day. With slaves like these the master cannot bear to dine; he would think it beneath his dignity to associate with his slave at the same table! Heaven forfend!"

Pay attention how the words are used: Another, Another, Another. Another nameless slave. Another nameless clone. So many of them.

But, this letter made me also think about Entrapta and how she can be the one making people understand what the clones really are, without Prime.

1) " [...] "They are slaves," people declare. Nay, rather they are men. "Slaves!" No, comrades. "Slaves!" No, they are unpretentious friends. "Slaves!" No, they are our fellow-slaves, if one reflects that Fortune has equal rights over slaves and free men alike. [...]"

One more thing. According to Seneca slaves are more free than their masters because unlike them they are free from what a free-thinker soul could be burdened by: guilty pleasures, gluttony, arrogance and excessive lust and comforts. So, in summary, even if Prime thought of himself as a god, belived himself of being the master of the clones it was actually the contrary. Because, like Seneca said "a slave can live without a master, but a master can't live without his slaves. So he is not only slave of his pleasures, but of his slaves themselves, for his own existence depends on them"