#its my hyperfixations i can combine them however i want

[kattitude130]

wait, the doctor who movie was released in 1996! axl could have seen it!

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

I don’t think Jason has ever hated Tim

I recently revived my Jason Todd hyperfixation from its torpor and realized I had... Means and Ways of reading as many comics as I want for free, so I made the transition from Fanon Only to having read Lost Days, Under the Red Hood, Teen Titans #29 (where Jason fights and beats the tar out of Tim), Hush, Red Hood and the Outlaws (the majority of both runs), Red Robin: The Grail, Batman and Robin: Streets Run Red, Green Arrow #70 - #73 (where Jason kidnaps Mia), Battle for the Cowl, and a smattering of other bits and bobs, all within the last month.

I have come to the conclusion that the idea that Jason hated Tim before slowly learning to be okay with him is completely backwards.

Jason starts respecting Tim as a fellow combatant after basically their first meeting, and was sympathizing with him even before. Fandom talks a lot about how Jason repeatedly tried to kill Tim, but I think there’s a good argument to be made that actually Jason has never tried to kill Tim, and there’s a better argument that Jason has never tried to hurt Tim out of a dislike for him.

Tim is the one who feels viciously betrayed by Jason, hates his guts, and depending on if you blend in the New 52 either learns to begrudgingly like him or just stays hatin.

Obviously I need some proof here, since this goes completely against the grain of every relationship interpretation I’ve ever seen for them, so approximately seven miles of character analysis under the cut lmao

I’m gonna try to go in chronological order of the characters’ history here, which means we’re starting with Lost Days, and Jason’s first reaction to finding out there’s a new Robin:

This does not look like anger to me.

Lost Days is only six issues long, and this is the entirety of the pages devoted to Jason’s feelings on Tim. Jason succeeds in a plan that would have almost certainly killed Batman if Jason had gone through with it. Jason undeniably has Joker dead to rights at one point, but lets him go. Jason at no point in this story attempts to harm Tim at all.

Now for Hush.

Context for fanon only folks: this is where the “throat slitting” bit happens.

Context for a lot of confusion: I don’t know if Jason is the one who holds Tim hostage or not.

In the original Hush plot line this is only Clayface; Jason isn’t here at all. It was later retconned in Under the Red Hood that Jason was actually in this fight for... some amount of time. It’s highly unclear to me when they swap out. Probably because originally, they didn’t swap out. Oh well! In either case, it’s now canon that Jason coached Clayface on his acting, so for the purposes of this essay, Imma hold Jason responsible for the throat damages and the words said regardless of who did what!

Right off the bat: this is a hostage taking, not a murder. Yes, Clayson Jayface does nick Tim’s neck and absolutely makes the threat of murdering him to Batman, but it’s clearly a threat. Like, look at this panel:

He is talking a lot. This isn’t an attempt to kill Tim, it’s an attempt to screw with Batman. No matter who this is, they have every reason to expect that Batman will stop them before they do any permanent damage. Can you see that little, blurry, half-hidden line of red? Lets look at what the damage was later on:

The bleeding was stopped by a bit of cloth, some pressure, and he’ll need stitches eventually, but they can clearly wait, and Tim doesn’t seem alarmed. That’s enough to scar, and enough that it is perfectly reasonable for Tim to assume that he would have died if he hadn’t been rescued.

However, Jason being deeply protective of kids is a reasonably consistent character trait. “You really think I’m gonna bring the pain to a ten year old?” Even at Jason’s most villainous, he is willing to put himself in danger in order to protect his own sidekick Scarlet. I think it would be very out of character for him to have gone through with it. Combined with Jason’s later actions and the general fact that a hostage is pretty useless dead, I come to the conclusion that Jason was bluffing.

It is ambiguous though, and I admit that this is probably the weakest link in the “Jason never tried to kill him” chain.

But enough of that, was he angry with him? Is the hate there?

I argue no, and that really there’s no emotional investment in Tim at all. In terms of hard numbers the pages Jalay Toddface spends holding Tim hostage is 3 and the number he spends fighting Batman is 13 and the number of times he even so much as LOOKS at Tim is ZERO, like actually, literally ZERO TIMES. He does not spare poor Timmy a SINGLE GLANCE.

Now make a special note here because those three pages of no eye contact from someone who might not even be Jason are the ONLY times that Tim is called Pretender or Imposter.

I’m relying on this research done by Kiragecko: https://kiragecko.tumblr.com/post/128411908944/bat-sibling-interaction It only goes up to Battle for the Cowl, (as does this essay it turns out, I just don’t know how to bridge between that and the New 52) so it isn’t every interaction ever, but it’s still excellent research, go leave a like.

According to them: “Comments: Tim thinks about Jason a lot while he’s first training. He imagines the former Robins giving him pep talks, and uses them to fight off fear gas. When Jason comes back, though, Tim’s really nasty, especially in his head. Jason, however, is somewhat respectful. He usually calls Tim ‘Tim’, and seems to kind of like him. ‘Pretender’ and ‘Imposter’ are things that CLAYFACE said, not Jason.“

How many times are those said? Once. Each. That’s it. As a comment under the Jason and Tim post done by Kiragecko points out, “Replacement” doesn’t even get used.

Under the Red Hood is basically THE Jason Todd comic. To my memory he doesn’t interact with Tim in it. However, it does contain that aforementioned reconning! So we get to see his reasoning during this encounter.

And it very very clearly isn’t at all about Tim.

Moving on to Titans Tower, which is indisputably focused on Tim: When he fights Tim, he is absolutely violent and over the line, but he’s NOT out of his head. Jason is clearly very lucid and careful about what he’s doing.

Is he angry? Of course! He’s angry at the Titans who in his mind cared about him way less than their other members, and accepted a replacement robin as though his life, his whole flesh and blood self, was something that could be so easily forgotten and swapped out.

But I think it would be a mistake to assume that Jason’s at all mad that he isn’t Robin anymore.

A very interesting direct parallel to this fight is when Jason kidnaps Mia, Green Arrow’s sidekick Speedy, fights her, appeals to their commonalities and encourages her to solve crime his way rather than Green Arrow’s way.

In both scenarios Jason engineers a way to isolate a sidekick and attempts to teach them something through combat. He makes a direct appeal to them against their mentors, and seems genuine about what he’s saying. He also lets both of them live, and with Mia is honestly pretty damned polite about it all. At least, as polite as a guy can be about kidnapping you and encouraging you to try to kill him in your high school gym that he definitely should not know about.

The plain fact of the matter is that Jason knocked Tim out, had time to paint his whole ass name way up high on a wall, and did not kill him. This is the same Jason who just prior to that took out all of Tim’s allies non-lethally. The same Jason who kept Mia’s protector’s busy non-lethally. The same Jason who cuts Mia free and gives her weapons back and starts slow in their fighting to make sure he doesn’t hurt her too badly. The same Jason who seems to feel very strongly that killing, trafficking, or selling drugs to kids is an unforgivable offense and very clearly sees Tim as a kid.

Quite frankly, this reads not like a murder, and not like a jealous beatdown, but an attempt to convince Tim that he’s going to get himself killed and needs to get out while he still can. In Jason’s mind before they meet, Tim is purely A Robin, a kid who deserves better than to be put into danger against the same monsters over and over again until he finally slips up and dies.

Is this a hairbrained and back asswards way of doing that? Yes! But it does track for someone who tries to do all of his talking through his actions, which do speak louder than words, but unfortunately C-4 loudness is not actually a significant boon to nuanced communication.

If you want to put it in a less charitable way (and maybe we should, this is a bonkers asshole move on Jason’s part no matter how you slice it) then we can say Jason is testing Tim, trying to see if this one has what it takes to be better than he was, to survive where he couldn’t. Personally I think it’s a mix of both, and for this end of that emotional mess: Tim passes the test.

Jason leaves while talking about Tim in present tense, showing that he has every expectation of Tim being alive, and praises him in the process:

Did you know that the fun panel of Tim kicking Jason in the nuts is actually from the same comic run, about twenty or so issues later?

Did you know that the argument they were having starts with Dick and Tim wrestling with Jason and accusing him of a murder he did not commit, and in fact tried to save the victim from?

Did I mention yet that the death in question was of Duela Dent, aka the JOKER’S DAUGHTER, whom Jason caught attempting to hold a young woman hostage for ransom? And that Jason repeatedly shot her getaway balloon instead of her and then tried to save her life immediately afterwards despite the fact that she was going to let the hostage plummet to their death? And it is implied that part of the reason he’s so easy on her is because of “Once a Titan always a Titan” loyalty, with this being our first clue that Jason isn’t the one shooting at her anymore?

Did I also mention that he comes to her funeral in part to be around Donna (the starry leotard lady whose statue he smashed) because it’s nice to be around people who understand being displaced by their own death? And that the one who sticks up for him in this scene is Donna?

At risk of negating my own thesus here, I’d say it’s reasonable to think that maybe Jason feels rage-hate for Tim in this “kicked in the dick while Dick grins smugly” moment.

Lets go now to Robin #177 at the tail end of the 1993 to 2003 run - Bruce has “died” and Tim hasn’t yet gone on his epic quest to find him. Tim finds Jason unifying street gangs with the intent to bring them under control and solve the current crisis. He appeals to Tim for help with this, in fact he comes off as almost puppy dog eager to work with him, and seems really sad when he says fuck no.

This is one of the first fights in which Tim really holds his own against Jason, and I am very proud of him, yes :3

This gets Jason arrested. Then Tim actually goes through with a heavily modified, less violent version of Jason’s plan that Jason didn’t think could work. A few issues later, when Tim decides that he’s going to try to honor what Bruce would have wanted by springing Jason out of jail, Jason makes note of that.

Jason is pretty damned civil at their next meeting, even though Tim makes it pretty damned clear he doesn’t want him around.

And now... we have to talk about Battle for the Cowl.

I’ve seen it described as a masterclass in how NOT to write Jason Todd, due to it portraying him as being an absolutely off his rocker anger murder violence man. I am inclined to agree.

In this three issue comic Jason Todd has been dRiVeN mAd (in the most bullshit comic sense of that word) by Bruce’s will... telling him to go to therapy. Yeah. So uh, he dons a Batman suit to shoot people in AND pretends to be Black Mask so he can enslave a bunch of villains Amanda Waller style, and like it gets weird from there. It is an extremely jarring transition from that last scene to GUNS BAT HATE MAN.

He still does not hate Tim in it. I really, seriously thought I was going to have to make a lot of excuses for this portion but then the more I read of it the more vindicated I was cause let me repeat: One of the most unhinged with Bat hate and crazy juice versions of Jason ever put to print does not hate Tim at all.

Hell, he likes Tim! He compliments him!

And on top of that, even though he is MUCH more lethal against his fellow robins when they attack him - Jason straight up shoots a ten year old Damian in the chest. It’s fucked. - There is still evidence to suggest that Jason deliberately didn’t kill Tim when he had ample opportunity.

Jason first of all never hunts Tim down. I’ve heard Battle for the Cowl described as Jason tracking Tim down or kidnapping him or going after him to force him to Be His Robin, but that’s just not how it goes.

Instead he waits for Tim to come find his Batcave, disorients him, and goes for a ton of surface cuts. He only actually goes for a real body blow after Tim picks up a crowbar and beats Jason across the face with it a few times.

(Again, proud of you Timmy)

After the stabbing, Jason doesn’t just leave Tim there; this isn’t a matter of hurrying on before he could check. He’s seen dragging Tim off. When Nightwing later comes to rescue him, Dick is downright certain Jason is lying to him about Tim being dead because Jason is refusing to show him the body and Dick figures it’s because he knows there’s no body to show (if in part because he can’t let himself believe Tim is dead without hard proof).

Tim himself wonders about this, noting that the batterang was rusted and shattered on his armor.

Sure, Tim used playing possum to make his pulse slow to a near stop for a while, maybe that fooled Jason, but keep in mind that BRUCE taught Tim that skill, and if there’s one thing these comics have established, it’s that Jason is dangerous precisely because he is so intimately familiar with the techniques of the Bat. Jason even makes specific note of the fact that Tim being trained like Bruce and fighting like Bruce would be his downfall at the beginning of their fight.

The whole comic leaves me wondering just how much of what happened went completely according to Jason’s plan. I really would not put it passed him to engineer a ‘death in the family’ recreation for the next Batman in line! As much as I agree that this is garbage characterization for him in many many ways, I do think Jason makes a fantastic villain. I love to see him run rings around the Bats in some places, and make lemonade out of getting his ass kicked in others.

No matter how we interpret the stabbing here though, what does seem very clear to me is that Jason makes the Be My Robin offer to Tim first and foremost because he thinks pretty highly of Tim! He’s been rejected by Tim at least three times over but keeps holding a hand out for him. This does not seem like Tim hater reaction hours here!

Also that whole thing about kids being dragged into this vigilante life irresponsibly? Yeah that’s still there!

I have TRIED to find evidence that Jason hates Tim at like literally any point here. I have gone through the shit people point to. I have looked at the context around those and dug up more obscure interactions for second and third views. Everywhere I look I just see more instances of Jason complimenting Tim!! It’s driving me nuts!

The only conclusion that I can come to is that people read this stuff and just trust that Tim is right about Jason. Tim’s internal view waaay more closely resembles fandom interpretation. Tim assumes that Clayson Toddface would absolutely have killed him in cold blood, that Jason beat the shit out of him purely to prove he was stronger, that he’s a brute, a moron, an active danger to society, and that every bit of leniency given to him will result in betrayal and death.

I don’t have clearer proof for it, but I also don’t think it’s a stretch to say that Tim probably believes Jason has it out for him and holds him responsible for his replacement.

So yeah. As a fascinating reversal of my expectations going in: I don’t think Jason has ever hated Tim, but boy fuckin howdy has Tim HATED Jason.

[tinywitchgoblin]

hi, if you're still doing them I'd love a ship with one of the bad batch please! SFW and NSFW would be great but no worries if its just SFW :)

I'm 19, AFAB using all pronouns, Leo and INFP personality. I'm 5'4, pretty curvy, I have dyed dark purple/blue hair and a decent few piercings and tattoos (my favourite are my snakebite lip piercings).

I'm currently at university studying philosophy, so I really enjoy having deep debates with people. I'm also really interested in history, and will ramble about it to anyone who will listen. I enjoy anything in the fantasy or horror genre too :) My hobbies are reading and all sorts of crafts (crochet, knitting, cross stitch etc) - I end up gifting random things i make to all my friends

I'm generally a pretty quiet person around people I don't know super well, but when I'm comfortable I have bursts of energy where I won't stop talking. I'm sarcastic and a little nihilistic sometimes but I try to be empathetic and considerate, and my friends say I'm pretty funny too. I have ADHD so I do fidget constantly and struggle to focus sometimes, but I also hyperfixate very heavily on things I'm interested in. My love languages are physical touch and quality time :)

sorry if this was way too much lol! thank you so much <33

When I tell you I was So Excited... you're my first NSFW ship request! Eek!!

MINORS DNI THIS IS TOO SPICY FOR YOU

I ship you with...

Crosshair!

As a sniper, Crosshair is naturally a very patient person. So when you go onto a rant about something history-related, he'll sit there and listen patiently, asking questions here and there but mostly willing to be a listening ear for you to infodump to. For your birthday, he buys you a book about one of your favorite historical time periods, and he's secretly really excited when he sees your positive reaction.

Crosshair absolutely LOVES horror movies, and doesn't get to watch them very often because his brothers HATE them, especially poor Wrecker. A favorite date night is staying in, ordering space doordash, and watching a horror movie. Crosshair especially loves the Saw movies; he finds them interesting. Tech, however, is not allowed within 50 feet of a saw movie because he will not shut tf up about the specific mechanisms of all the traps and how various scenes would actually occur.

SMUT BELOW THE BELT CUT

I 100% believe that Crosshair is an ass guy. He loves to smack your ass regardless of whether or not it's in the bedroom. Therefore, his favorite position is doggy style, with constant access to your butt (plus, he can pull your hair; win-win). He also loves when you ride him; he'll just lay back, popping a toothpick between his lips and enjoying the view.

Something Crosshair also enjoys is cockwarming. Specifically, doing so while he's cleaning his rifle. They're his two favorite activities combined into one! He loves feeling your pussy squeeze around him, pulling him as far into you as he can go. Even though he's typically very patient (as stated above), it's times like this where he will eventually cave, placing his beloved rifle to the side and slamming into you until you're boneless and breathless; only then will he come. He's very particular about that. He wants to be absolutely 100% sure that you get as much pleasure as you want, because where he lacks with words, he more than makes up with his dick actions.

-

Thanks for reading! If you want a ship request like this one, drop it in my ask box, and don't forget to reblog 💚 it may take a little bit, but I'll get to it!

[booksandabeer]

Catching up

I got tagged approximately one million years ago by @burberrycanary 💙 and @somanywords 💛. Sorry it took me so long! 😬

Last song: I don't know the exact song, but I've been listening to the album Cat Power Sings Dylan: The 1966 Royal Albert Hall Concert a lot. I'm not a particuarly big fan of Bob Dylan, or a fan at all, really. However, I am absolutely a die-hard fan of Cat Power and I think that Chan Marshall is probably the best cover artist of...all time? Well, certainly of her generation. That's not to shade her original compositions, which I also love, but she's brilliant at taking songs that you thought you could no longer listen to because they've been played ad nauseam everywhere for decades, and then teasing something fresh and original and truly moving out of them. Listen to her covers of "I'll Be Seeing You" or "Mr. Tambourine Man" or even "New York, New York" and tell me they don't excite you in any way (if they don't, I suspect you have no soul). She's even great at covering herself! Please go and listen to her 2008 cover of her own 1998 song "Metal Heart" right now. It's one of my all-time faves and also, yes absolutely a Stucky song.

Relationship status: I have a person.

Sweet/spicy/savory: Everything all at once, please.

Favorite color: Blue, blue, blue. International Klein Blue to be precise. I cannot get enough of it. Also, I will die on the hill that chartreuse is actually a great color.

Last movie: The Last Stop in Yuma County which was a fun neo-western/crime thriller that didn't take itself too seriously and didn't outstay its welcome. Imagine that! A 90-minute movie. They still make those! Wild. If you like Tarantino and/or the Coen Brothers, but played at a faster, snappier tempo, you will probably enjoy this one too.

Last show: So many. Bodkin, which is the epitome of "this show doesn't know what it wants to be." Is it a quirky comedy? A crime show? A (very tepid) satire? It's not like you can't combine these genres, but the show doesn't combine them, it swings wildly between them. The ending was terrible. I've finally started watching Hacks (a delight!) and I'm still slowly making my way through Kings (only 2 episodes left). Also following along with the new season of IWTV, which remains an absolutely bonkers show. If *this* is what made it into the final cut, can you imagine what didn't? Oh, to be allowed to read the studio notes for this one!

Last thing I googled: The origin and meaning of a Norse/Russian name. For reasons.

Current obsession: The Terror brainrot is still going stong. I have learned so much about Arctic Exploration in the 1800s over the past few weeks. Also, in a curious turn of events, I have started reading Masters of the Air fanfic? I was unfortunately pretty disappointed with the show. I had hoped it would trigger a level-11 hyperfixation but instead it just kinda came and went and I didn't even think about it anymore. Then an author, who I still follow because they used to write Stucky, started posting one Buck/Bucky (yes, they are two different characters) fic after another, and one day I said, 'Why not give it a shot?' Well, here we are, tens of thousands of words later, and for the first time in my life I'm beginning to understand the people whose general fandom attitude is 'I don't care for the source material at all, but the fic! Oh the fic compels me!' I have been compelled. I'm now a person who reads fanfiction for a pairing that includes a character played by Austin Butler (sorry Butler heads, I just don't get it).

Wonders never cease.

--

Like I said, I got tagged for this ages ago, so I don't know who's done this (recently). I'm gently tagging @bromcommie, @aimmyarrowshigh, @zenaidamacrouras1, @shackleton2 and @hail-americas-ass. Also, I mean it when I say I want to know what everyone else is watching/eating/obsessing over/etc. Tell me! Open tag for everyone who wants to do this.

[creepylittlelady]

I am so desperate to share these so, Slenderman Headcanons [PUPPET STRINGS LORE DUMP]

Okay so I wanted to wait until the day someone asked about Slenderman and Zalgo's characterisation in my AU, but I don't know when that time will come and I seriously NEED to share this with all of you.

This AU has been in the works since 2016 and has been my number 1 hyperfixation, and Slenderman is one characters that I had the most fun making. I love love LOVE every rendition of him, from Your Dad Slenderman to EVIL MANIPULATIVE ELDRITCH MONSTER. I want to give homage to both of these renditions by bringing in my own Slender to the mix! I hope you like it, because Zalgo will get his own post very soon ;)

I'm currently writing his backstory on AO3! Chapter 5 should be up soon ;)

As I've said previously, Slenderman and Zalgo are my favourite characters! I just wanna lore dump about him right now because BRAINROT BRAINROT BRAINROT

So without further ado...

The "Slenderman"

-He's not actually one being or entity, although he'd like you to believe otherwise. He's actually a hivemind of two consciousnesses; Lord Operator, and the Vengeful Spirit Charles.

-Slenderman is actually just the body that's basically holding these two entities hostage, technically. Neither of them can escape, although they've definitely tried. Multiple times. Slenderman doesn't have a consciousness of his own and is just a horrifying mixture of the two of them combined into one.

-NEITHER OF THEM ARE HAVING A FUN TIME. They hate it and will go to great lengths to get out. His brain is just the two of them arguing about who gets to control the body at any given moment, and they both have ulterior motives of their own.

-A little backstory: Charles, the Vengeful Spirit, was sacrificed to the Operator and made a deal with him that he would allow himself to be used a Vessel in exchange for his lifespan to be elongated. However over the years Operator began to use Charles' body for more and more depraved purposes. Eventually this drove him insane and caused him to kill himself. However at that point the Operator was so co-dependant on his soul that it basically killed it too, and it had to use some of its remaining abilities to create a new body so that neither of them would really die.

-When Charles is fully in control, he is a 'decently' humane being and can sometimes even be a Father Figure to some of the residents of the Mansion. However he still retains some of his negative traits from life, such as being nihilistic and at times selfish. He's sociopathic as a joke and mainly spends his days trying desperately to fix whatever things he did when the Operator took over.

-When it's Charles, he actually has a good relationship with all of the Residents, and has more of a sit-com Boss-Employee relationship with the Proxies, often laughing at their misfortune. Although he and Sally argue a lot Sally is very close to him when he's Charles.

The same thing cannot be said for when its the Operator.

-The Operator first and foremost is a former God. Although it wasn't a very well-known God, it still said a web of loyal worshippers. However ever since its power was (mostly) stripped away and had to unwillingly transport itself into this new body, its hated every second of it there. The reasons why the Proxies exist in the first place is to create new followers for it so it can gain more power.

-It's absolutely HORRIBLE to everyone else when it takes over. He's mentally and physically abusive, lashing out at everyone who dares disobey it. Its manipulative as well, and the Pastas who are sensitive to that thing, like Toby, Natalie etc often lock themselves away when its taken over.

-Several rooms that Charles doesn't know the purpose of are usually used by the Operator to torture the residents into submission. There are multiple Basements and secret rooms that its locked people inside to get them to 'obey' its command.

-Several of the Slenderverse stories, like Marble Hornets happened when the Operator took over. It often goes unconscious again and leaves Slenderman to deal with the consequences.

(Okay to explain, when I talk about the Operator specifically I'll refer to it as 'Operator', but when its Charles I'll refer to him as Slenderman, Slender, Slendy etc).

-Slenderman is not having a fun time. Random people keep on confronting him and coming up to him when he has no idea who they are and why they're here. He has NO idea on who Toby, Masky or Hoodie are nor how they ended up here. However he's apathetic to it and decided to be decent to them for as long as he's the one in charge of the Slenderman body.

-Whenever the Operator becomes too violent, Zalgo has to come and knock it out. Yep, Zalgo has to beat the shit out of it and basically chain Slender up to get it out, or at least sedate it enough so that it doesn't do anything violent.

-Remember how I mentioned how they've both desperately tried to leave? Yeah, the Slenderman body is fucking terrifying to look at naked. Its severely malnourished, with bruises, shock wounds, stab wounds, slash wounds, cilice wounds and just open wounds EVERYWHERE. They've both tried to leave by any means necessary, and are slowly killing the vessel to try and escape.

-More lore important characters such as Zalgo, Lazari, EJ and Ben sort deal with problems like this as well. But Jesus fucking Christ is Slenderman having a horrible time. He has to basically deal with his own Slender Sickness (Slender Sickness actually comes from the Operator, since most mortals can't perceive Gods without their bodies basically shutting down).

-If Masky and Hoodie are slowly going insane from Slender Sickness, Slender is basically killing himself from it. He's always on the verge of psychosis, suffering from some kind of really disgusting illness, or otherwise just not having a great time. The body is a-okay when its the Operator, but when its Slenderman he's just not having fun.

-Its basically eternal damnation being stuck in that body. Its like an eternal punishment of lies and deceit, waking up every day not knowing that tortures you'll suffer through. However since this has been going on for about 123 years now, they're both used to it at this point.

-Due to being used as vessel and basically being trapped in an endless cycle of torment since the ripe age of 11, Slender's a bit apathetic to the Proxies' situation.

For Example:

Masky: You do realise that we're all suffering because of you, right? Slender: It's not even that deep Timothy we all get mentally and physically imprisoned by a nonhuman Entity at times you just have to deal with it. Masky: Slender, are you okay? Slender: *vomits out a dead corpse* yes why wouldn't I be.

Although he does feel remorse for the fact that Masky, Hoodie and Toby's situation will probably never improve due to the Operator basically holding them captive at the Labrinth, he just doesn't feel that much sympathy for them, as that idea of being used for an upper beings entertainment is just normalised to him.

-Despite the fact that some of the Pastas call him dad are nice to him, a lot of them hate him. Some of the ghost kids refuse to go near him due to the Operator's actions, and his brothers are all scared of him, although Operator cut contact with them years ago.

-One bittersweet tidbit: Slenderman has tentacles because it represents Charles' favourite animal; Octopi.

Okay that's like the only sweet headcanon I have for this guy.

-Slender isn't a good person even though he's a lot better than Operator, although he is actively trying to be a better person for the Pastas' benefit, due to being a vengeful spirit he's definitely prone to violent fits. He can and will hurt you if you agitate him enough, even though it doesn't happen often.

-The Slenderman Vessel is incredibly unstable, so neither of them know their own strength. Because of this, Slender has accidentally flung Toby out of a window more times than he would care to admit.

Also sometimes it just doesn't do what it's told? There's like a 5% chance that it just doesn't teleport where you want it to at any given point, which is very inconvenient.

-Often times when Slender knows the Operator is about to take over (he doesnt' really have a choice on when it happens), he just leaves the Labrinth. He usually stays in Zalgo's castle for months, even a year on end. Yes, the Operator can stay for THAT long.

Do any of the other Residents know?

-As a general rule of thumb; no, they don't. Neither Charles nor the Operator will tell, and even when Charles tries to explain whats happening the Operator will ALWAYS stop him by any means necessary.

Once, he tried to explain what happened after disappearing for half a year, but the Operator had forcibly forced his body to shut down, so he was just sitting there unconscious.

Slender: It all started when I was 11 years o- *starts choking* Hoodie: Oh my god is he having a stroke Slender: *is just unconscious sitting in his chair* Masky: Does this mean Payday is getting delayed or do I still get a raise? Toby: Man wtf

-Due to this unpredictability on whether they'll get 'Nice Slender' or 'Mean Slender' at any given moment, most of the Pastas are dead terrified of him. Although they won't show it sometimes when they see him ominously walking the halls at night or if he doesn't show up for breakfast that morning they all subconsciously start worrying that the Mean Slender's back.

-Sally is especially terrified of him. Slender brought her to the Mansion out of the Operator's wishes, which he HATES. Everytime the Operator comes out he tries to actively harm Sally, which is why she hides in her room for months on end or runs to the back end of the forest.

-Ben, EJ and Lazari all kind of understand whats happening, at least they have a semblance of an idea. Toby knows for the most part due to doing some snooping. However nobody else has a clue and it will probably stay like that for a long time.

[piskelo10]

Perks of having ADHD:

(Inattentive, at least—though I'm one symptom away from being combined. Remember that this is just based off of my own experience.)

I used to hate when people would treat ADHD like it was a good thing, as I felt that it just inherently wasn't. I continue to struggle with my ADHD, and have for a pretty long time, but I used to see it like some horrible entity that just fucked me over constantly and made my life hell. But now, as I finally have started being able to work with my ADHD instead of trying and failing to force it into submission, it's become more like just... another part of who I am. A part I'm still frustrated with sometimes, but a part I can appreciate both the bad and good in. So here goes.

Being able to let go of emotions fairly quickly

↑ It's not necessarily a given, of course there's some things too stressful or upsetting to be ignored, especially if they're ongoing—but when it comes to things that simply sour my mood, I find it really easy to distract myself and let go of it.

Finding intense joy in fictional media

Hyperfixations can be really annoying sometimes, but a lot of the time they're just hella fun! I love that I can become so excited over something so inconsequential, and I can become so attached to characters and it brings me a lot more enjoyment out of certain content.

Being able to become deeply immersed in things

Maybe not everyone will be able to relate to this one, but I find that I can become very immersed or absorbed into things like shows, books, or games, and it just enhances my enjoyment of things, or intensifies the emotions/experience I have consuming them. I love being able to hone in on a good movie or book or whatever and just feel it so deeply. Also, it allows me to sort of willingly get sucked into my own thoughts and little inner-world when I get really bored, or just for fun.

Being easily able to occupy myself

Of course, this might seem a bit contradictory—and not everyone may be able to relate, and it's not like I'm never restlessly hoping for something to do—however, I find that due to both my ability to immerse myself in my thoughts, and my overactive imagination, I'm able to get well absorbed into fun little stories or ideas to help me keep myself entertained when there's nothing to do.

Further along that vein... it also helps to motivate me for certain things. It might not be beneficial to those who have trouble separating the real from the fictional, or who might not be able to tear themselves out of a certain mindset or put them in one as quickly, but sometimes I like to pretend that I'm a character of mine, or that I'm in some situation/environment that makes something much easier to tolerate.

If I'm having trouble staying occupied while I'm doing something boring, or just don't want to do it—I pretend that perhaps I'm cleaning because I'm hiding the evidence of a murder, and run through my whole backstory in my head.

Or if I'm having trouble simply getting out of bed or the car because I'm too tired—I'll pretend that I'm a character of mine who would, who's determined and has important things to do and people to impress.

And if I'm having trouble taking a shower, because it's too boring or I just don't want to have more things for me to do—I'll pretend that I'm getting in the shower with a love interest, sharing a romantic or intimate moment; or perhaps I could imagine that I'm some creature being born out of the swamp, discovering its surroundings and admiring the nature and pouring rain.

And of course, finally:

Overactive imagination/creativity

I don't really even need to give my reasons for this one as I feel I've already given plenty.

Generally, although there's a lot of things about ADHD that can still really bother me or impact me negatively, there's also a lot I find myself appreciating about it in small ways. For the first time in my life in a very long time, I've been figuring out how my brain works, (even if I haven't cracked the code for a lot of it just yet,) but already it's been helping me substantially. It feels good not seeing ADHD as an enemy, but more of just another aspect of myself I need to work with and discover more about. The things I've listed can also be incredibly unhelpful sometimes, but I wanted to talk about the ways that I can find some benefit to certain aspects of my ADHD that makes it feel a little less awful.

[quantum-carrie]

Could you tell us more about your two "modes"?

My... my what? I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean...

~

//so. here's the thing. carrie doesn't actually... know about all that? i'm still working on finding a way to incorporate it into the story (there would have to be a provoking incident that leads to her switching "modes," and i would have to talk to whoever she goes after especially if she does end up hurting them, so a lot of planning that i'm not sure how to do. also i don't really know how violence works in this rp), but since she doesn't remember what she does in "mode two"- at least not clearly- and nothing major has happened yet, she doesn't know anything about it.

however. as someone who is hyperfixating on carrie media in general and incredibly attached to this specific version of her, I'd be happy to explain more! this is also helpful for me, because i haven't actually figured out the details of much of this yet.

first of all! the reason i always put the "modes" in quotation marks is that that isn't really the most accurate description of it. it's not two entirely separate and distinct states of being (though there is a degree of separation that i'm trying to figure out), it's more like... the best way i can think to describe it right now is a cross between a panic attack and a werewolf transformation. which sounds fucking insane on its own, so let me try to explain.

you know how some werewolves transform when their emotions get out of control? yeah. that's basically what happens to her, minus the actual "transforming into a wolf" bit (i do want some kind of transformation, to really drive in the fact that this isn't her normal self, but nothing that extreme). when she gets too overwhelmed or angry, there are two ways it can go: she runs away/disconnects, or she goes into this state and lashes out (when she's overwhelmed, it's more likely she'll run, and when she's angry it's more likely she'll lash out, but it can go either way).

when she goes into this state, she's unable to really process anything, making her nearly impossible to reason with and explaining the memory loss (any memories she does have of what happens during this time are hazy and dreamlike, and it's easy for her to write them off as just strange dreams). she lashes out at whoever's closest, no matter what connection she may have to them. she doesn't fully understand what she's doing, just that she's either protecting herself or releasing long-repressed anger. she's extremely glitchy in this state (and when she's nearing it), though she doesn't know that. and i want some kind of transformation (probably related to the glitchyness somehow), but i don't know quite how that will work yet. i'll keep you posted.

my bullshit "scientific" explanation for why this happens (and why it's so extreme) is that it's some combination of an overactive fight or flight response- a glitch that makes her need to protect her user and herself far more intense than it should be- and an inability to properly process overwhelming emotions such as fear and anger. some programming error doesn't let her feel those emotions (and deal with them) how she's supposed to, but they're still there, so they build up over time and, when provoked, rush out and overwhelm her like a dam bursting. that's why the rest of her system is effectively shut off. those emotions are all she can feel.

aaand that's it for now. i'm sorry, anon, i'm sure you didn't want or expect six paragraphs of my rambling when you asked this question, but, uhh... here it is. hope you enjoy!

[cozymochi]

oh nooo... mochi I have just now realized you've combined my childhood and current hyperfixations and

I don't think I can recover 😬😬 ANYWAY I have too many questions about Tia and her life before and after isekai-ing so here's a few

-granma and lottie characters names?

-gramma based off mama Odie?

-how did Tia react to her first culinary crucible?

-her opinion on Crowley?

-and I don't typically like reading character reactions to yuusonas/MCs/OCs, but I genuinely want to know how Tia interacts with the characters? I love her so much ahhh🤩

adios y gracias mochi!

AAAA yay! Well im gonna see if I can address each of these.

-granma and lottie characters names?

Granma’s name is “Eva Dumarais”, from her father’s side. Tia’s middle name is named after her! Granma prefers to be addressed by her name “Eva” or literally anything else. I was intending on including that in practice, but I didn’t want to confuse anybody.

I actually drew up Tia’s friends for my own self reference over HERE!! (The info is still mostly accurate since posting.) But, the blonde girl (that is, yes, very much an intended allusion to Lottie) is named Lisette. A.K.A “Lizzie.” She was Tia’s longest friend. This is them in an old drawing I don’t remember making.

-gramma based off mama Odie?

Not necessarily, however I can see how that allusion can be made. It’s an easy train of thought to have! So, I’m not opposed to it and if anyone thinks that, that’s totally fine. Then I took her eye out for no reason other than it looked cool.

Pretty much every person from Tia’s home-world doesn’t really show up anyway since they’re just people from Tia’s previous life. Not that they don’t have influence on her, but in the grander scheme they aren’t too significant. So I suppose it doesn’t matter either way! I had a drawing of her not in her sleepy time getup but I may have deleted it on accident. WHOOPS!!

-how did Tia react to her first culinary crucible?

SHE ATE IT UP!!!! Probably the most in her element course she’s taken— but Tia always wants to learn new things so I’m sure she went all in. However, she and Grim are counted as a single student. Take that as you will. Total aside, I feel like I’m the only person who takes that into consideration at all 😭.

-her opinion on Crowley?

She screamed and threw a plush monkey at him when first saw his face. As if the talking cat-like monster wasn’t enough. (Context? Who needs it)

Okay AFTER all the initial shock in being transported, magic, coffins, getting shoved into Ramshackle, being the only girl on the entire campus, and god knows what else (which is a story in itself)—-, Tia finds Crowley to be unreliable and capricious.

Tia is a lot more pressing about trying corner the guy about how to get home and question him, but Crowley will usually weasel out of it or pretend not to hear altogether. (It’s sillier in practice)

Besides, he makes her fix issues at the school and deal with it its students, then regularly blackmails, and guilt trips if she has any refusal, so it’s not exactly positive.

On the other hand, Crowley finds Tia really inflexible (and depending on the day, that can be bothersome), but!! On the bright side that can translate into someone just PERFECT for getting these students in line!

Though, because he intentionally gets under her skin for various reasons, that just makes her wanna prove herself more. So in a weird way, she wants to be recognized as capable to him but also is somewhat aware that she’s probably being strung along.

THERE’S A LOT, I FIND TIA AND CROWLEY VERY FUNNY, I just never actively discussed it or showed it much.

-how Tia interacts with the characters?

Given that there’s 20+ characters there’s no way I can feasibly answer this individually in the detail I would like to without making the longest post ever. Cuz, I do have answers!! Pretty much every base universal status quo is still the same, but. Y’know.

But if someone can imagine a generalized Tiana “base” character starting point, and put her near any of these guys— someone could probably make a feasible guess and be mostly on the money, give or take a few details (cuz there are a few things different overall…). There are characters I didn’t think Tia would gel with, but as she came into her own it sorta fell out of my hands, in a way. Lol.

——

As for not being into how other people’s MCs and the sub-categories and how they respond to characters, I just wanna say… I’m the exact same way. It’s exceedingly rare for me to do the same. So don’t worry, I feel you. It’s pretty much why I don’t bring up Tia unless I’m posting a drawing with Grim on it OR if somebody asks first jfjdjdhrub so thank u!!! That just means something resonated enough!!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Love hearing your opinions of the characters! Can you do the character bingo for Ace and/or Crowley(only if you do the staff, if not it's fine)

Ace Character Opinion Bingo here!

***Standard disclaimer: These are just my personal opinions of the character(s); regardless of what I may think of them, sharing my thoughts is NOT meant to offend or to shame anyone that thinks differently.***

Crowley has drip 👀 It feels like every time I look at his design, I notice something new and cool about it that I didn’t notice the first time I looked. There’s a lot of intricate detailing, but not so much that it becomes cluttered, and there’s elements of him being a crow without it being too obvious. I love the keys dangling at his waist, and the way his coat has feathered shoulder pads, how the hem turns feathery... Oh, but what I love the most is his gloves; the gold tips look so pointed, I think they’d make for great ASMR sounds when he drums them against a hard surface.

TWST gives Crowley his time in the spotlight, but I want to see more of what he does behind the scenes. Whenever he has screen time, he’s there just to cause trouble for the students or to explain a concept, which leaves a lot to be desired and doesn’t exactly paint him as “likeable” to most. I feel as though TWST is intentionally doing this to misdirect us on Crowley’s character or intentions, because there was a distinct LACK of him in episode 6, the most serious part of the main story so far. I want to know what he was up to, what he was talking about with Idia’s parents. And that’s??? Not even mentioning the odd opening lines to the game where Crowley is beckoning to some “flower of evil”, or the various ominous lines of text sprinkled throughout the main story. He’s really REALLY suspicious, and that, combined with the plethora of fan theories about him purposefully letting Overblots happen or Final Boss or Big Bad Crowley, I’m itching to see what the canon culminates to in the climax.

I unfortunately see a lot of... dislike directed at Crowley? Sometimes it’s something as innocuous as joking that he’s really bad at his job, and other times it can be outright hatred 💦 I’ll confess that Crowley definitely has his faults, but I find those to be part of his charm. I don’t know, there’s just something so oddly endearing about a bumbling adult that seems to have no clue what they’re doing (because honestly? Me too, Crowley, me too 😭)? He’s admittedly a lot more irresponsible than I’d like an adult to be in real life (like damn, how many student kidnappings have there been under his watch?? How often has he asked the kids to save themselves instead of stepping in to help?), but he’s fictional so I can laugh along and just have fun with it. If anything, we the players should all be thanking Crowley for being as inattentive as he is, because it's all because of HIM that MC can stay in Twisted Wonderland and experience all of its wonders.

I also think that hyperfixating on Crowley’s bad points detracts from his overall character. In spite of all the shit he gets his students into, Crowley does indeed have traits beyond being irresponsible. Er, and those traits usually aren’t that positive either. He’s greedy (accepting bribes/donations and letting them influence his decisions), he’s attention-seeking (concerned with getting good publicity for NRC), and he’s lazy (skips out in researching a way to send Yuu home to go on vacation instead). However, I like to think that he does care for his students in his own... weird way? Like, there has to be a deeper reason why he wants the school to have funds and publicity. Sure, it strokes his own ego, but the money and the exposure the school has can also tie back to his students’ success. Crowley’s indirectly giving the kids the resources to study well and make careers for themselves.

Let’s not forget that for all the fandom jokes about Crowley making Yuu the school’s “unpaid therapist”, Crowley actually went the extra mile and sought out professional therapy for the OB boys (a detail briefly mentioned in episode 6). Crowley was also the one that called STYX because he believed his students would be in danger (because of Grim), and that Crowley left the school in Trein’s capable hands while he was away. If Crowley didn’t care at all, he’d rush off to save his own tail feathers and leave the school in disarray. If we’re going to take gameplay into consideration for this, Crowley is also always popping into classes to check up on his students and to make sure they’re getting the most they can out of their education. There’s a lot of little things he does that go unnoticed because the focus is just squarely on him being a Bad at Adulting 😔 (Of course, maybe these are all things Crowley is doing for the sake of his Big Bad Scheme if he really is the final boss or something, but right now I think they can be interpreted in an innocent enough manner.)

[gh0st-patr0l]

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!) 

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm. 

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

[stars-self-ships]

It should come as no surprise to longtime followers of both this blog and my main that I take great joy in designing self-inserts for my favorite franchises, whether it's to see how well I can capture a certain vibe or just so I can have a good visual of what I'd look like in that universe to kiss my beloved F/Os— though, if I'm being honest, most of the time it's the latter!

Doing so has been easy for the most part, as a lot of the franchises some of my most treasured S/Is hail from don't necessarily have a complex visual style. Take for example Psycha, who was easy to design outfit-wise after basing it off of an outfit I would wear, or perhaps my Centaurworld S/I, who was even easier to design as all I had to do was draw a toony version of myself with a deertaur half!

Given my recent adoration toward my latest hyperfixation Winds of Change, it was a given that I would design a self-insert for its universe, and I was already brimming with ideas for what a fantasy version of my fursona would look like in the world of Alestia! However, as a contrast to most of my other favorite medias, Winds of Change boasts a very detailed visual style and outfit design for its cast, which meant my S/I would have to follow suit as to not look too out of place.

And about two weeks of on-and-off work later...

I can finally unveil my Winds of Change self-insert, Micah Winddane!

(Check out underneath the cut for a lengthy deep dive on the creation of the above drawing as well as a full view of this sheep seer's weapon of destiny!)

Gosh, where do I even begin? There is just so much that I want to talk about when it came to designing Micah Winddane that it's tough to find a good place to start!

Because Winds of Change has an all-anthro cast, it ended up being a given that I— yet again— would be choosing to model my S/I after a sheep, much like my fursona, Psycha, etc. However, rather than using Psycha as a base as I had for my fursona, I actually modeled Micah Winddane after an actual breed of sheep... the Leicester Longwool!

True to their name, Leicester Longwool sheep are notable for their overly lengthy fur, and given that my hair is currently at the longest length that it's ever been, it felt only fitting to design my Winds of Change S/I around them! This also meant that I would be using a more golden color for the hair as opposed to the usual 'tan-white' color most of my other sheep S/Is have, and if you look closely, you can even see that there's a distinct fur pattern on his face!

With sheep specifics out of the way, let's focus on Micah Winddane's outfit. If you read the tags of my first Winds of Change related post on this blog, you might have seen that I first wanted him to be an 'anxious but good-hearted visionary with a cool fantasy robe'— which, to be honest with you, was how I had been envisioning him throughout my time playing through the game's prelude!

The only reason the whole 'cool fantasy robe' aspect didn't stick around for long, however, was due to a certain set of characters in Winds of Change possessing such a look... The Triumvirate, antagonists who are shrouded in mystery underneath an iconic white robe with a yellow trim.

Not wanting my S/I to be dressed too similarly to the big bads, I had to opt for something a little more modest, and in line with the outfits the rest of Winds of Change's cast wear. I took to Google to cherry-pick several medieval outfit designs, and took my favorite aspects of each one to combine together into a base outfit.

For a while, the above lineart was just about all I could come up with. Of course, it looked a little bland by this point, but that was merely because I hadn't given him a good coloring, yet... but that was another hurdle of its own. I knew how I would color his fur and hair, but what about his clothes...?

Thankfully, Winds of Change's canon provided a solution. Around the point of the game where you receive the all-powerful Blade of Exodus— which we'll also focus on in due time— you also are given a change of clothes... clothes that are described as a 'combination of Valessa and Fortaime's outfits'.

It's a good thing that the base design I had already drawn didn't stray too far from a hypothetical mix between Valessa and Fortaime's clothes, and it even served as a good basis of how to color Micah Winddane's own. I color picked certain colors from both their designs to use in my S/Is and was soon able to settle on a color palette that I liked!

... but the design still felt particularly lacking. The colors looked great, as did what I had for an outfit, but the more I looked at my current progress, I felt as though something was missing... and then, I had a brilliant idea— if I couldn't give him a robe, what if I gave him a cape?

Fortaime's baggy scarf was my main inspiration in settling on a shoulder cape, and the instant I had the idea of giving my S/I one, I wasted no time in adding it to his design... and I'm so glad that I did, because it made him look SO much better!! I knew that I wanted his cape to be a shade of blue (My trademark favorite color), and settled on a faded shade since a more vibrant blue looked a little too shrill amidst the other colors.

Lastly, since my Winds of Change S/I is the foretold Seer, he would need to be equipped with the aforementioned Blade of Exodus throughout his adventure. However, upon coming up with the idea of giving Micah Winddane a large sword sling to carry the blade on his back, I realized something...

... the blade only has two canonical appearances from what I've seen, and only one of which— being found in the game's logo— shows it in full color. I was thankful to even have a visual of the Blade of Exodus, but only having the linked image to go off of in terms of color made redrawing it a bit tough, as I would have to improvise a bit to make it look less desaturated.

And what started out as improvising turned into a slight stylization of the Blade of Exodus' colors! Throughout the game, there's a large emphasis on how obvious it is that you're the possessor of the blade, and I decided to give the blade colors that stand out from the otherwise dull colors of Micah Winddane's outfit!

... uh, wow. I think that might just be my most in-depth design deep dive I've written yet. But everything that I wanted to touch base on has been accounted for, and with all of it written out at last, it feels so wonderful to finally get around to sharing this design with everyone as it's one of my ultimate favorite self-insert designs I've ever created!

[cat-of-starlight]

So, do you have an opinion of any other Dark Deception character? (like, Bierce, Malak, Agatha, Joy Joy Gang, and Mam bear)

Hmm- I do have at least a few opinions(?) on the others, though since some others don't have as much plot substance (Like any of the monsters that don't speak), its harder to have a concrete opinion outside of appearance- But anyway out of the ones you listed-

Bierce- I do think she's an interesting character. I wouldn't call her the most trustworthy exactly, but I do like her, and she is absolutely the closest to being on the side of the player at this point, so while she's a bit shady sometimes, I think she's a interestingly written character so far and I am definitely interested to see where they take her in Ch 5.

Malak- Ah yes, This Guy. As a (baby) game dev myself, I do think he is interesting narratively, HOWEVER- I have always had a habit in stories of siding with/latching to like one character, and getting defensive over their well being, so seeing as I hyperfixated on Doug as a character/protag first, me not really liking Malak through the course of the story was honestly inevitable. Again, I'll give him points for being an interesting villain, but (obviously) not fond of his actions.

Agatha- Ok I mean the antagonist thing still somewhat stands and yes she is creepy, but I also find her amusing overall. Especially just her whole presence alongside Malak in Ch 4. I still occasionally think of the way she worded her little "Can I stab her face? :)" and giggle. Creepy as heck but also hilarious. Fricking superb, you funky little creep.

Joy Joy Gang- The songs added for them before Ch 4's release definitely helped improve my opinions of them as a unit, but individually- Lucky- I absolutely find it incredibly hilarious how other monsters come at you with terrifying weapons, claws, teeth, etc. and then Lucky just comes out with hiS FISTS. Truthfully? Iconic. I saw a post about him today with the incorrect quote of "My fists are rated "E" for everyone" and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

Hangry- Out of the three of them? He scares me the most, tbh. Besides the fact that as I was explaining his main mechanics to my friend and we ended up saying he was just basically that one vine where the Kool-Aid guy bursts through the wall. That was funny. But overall? I don't want this pig anywhere nEAR my ribs. Or the rest of me for that matter. Penny- I mean? uhh- She doesn't say as much as the guys, but I do like the weird little nickname she gives as just calling the player "Squishy". Kinda cute. Still a murder robot, but hey- (Overall, I've seen too much Fnaf to ever trust an animatronic, but gotta give them credit for having as much personality as they all do)

Mama Bear- Nope. Nope nope nope. Lets start with design. She creeps me out. From a game design stand point, I think the visual filter she gives the player when she gets too close it neat! But Its Terrifying. And then we have what she represents overall. mmmmmmmmmmmm no thank you. I mean? I'm not going to respell everything out here but by combining the notes from "E" and the recipient of the "Worst Mother Ever" award, its not hard to see what Mama bear represents, and I do not want any part of her, no thank you.

Overall- I do find the supporting characters/monsters interesting- I am, however, a plot geek at heart, and will often gravitate towards the MC anyway (Not always, but definitely most times). I may draw some of them at some point? (Though a lot of them are harder to draw than your everyday Human Man™, so it may take a bit)

[wrathofmadelinekahn]

February 2021 Music Wrap-Up

Despite February being the shortest month, it sure went out swinging music-wise- I had 4 new-to-me albums, including one that is most likely making it to the Best of 2021 (I know it’s a bit soon to call it, but the hyperfixation wants what it wants!) I feel like this month is closer to what my bonkers taste usually is, which I would describe as “No Taste, No Logic, Only Vibes!”

So, in rough order of how I listened to them:

1. The Apple Tree (Original Broadway Cast)

The way that Barbara Harris’ Wikipedia page is now a permanent tab on my phone... I’m sorry to my beloved MASH mutuals and to Mr. Alan “Only Valid Man” Alda, but this was Barbara Harris’ show from beginning to end (I know B&H wrote it for her, but it is... very obvious that it was a star vehicle). @oldbaton​ posted her Tony performance for Gorgeous and I watched it 5 times on loop, then went to YouTube and watched it for another 45 minutes, then listened to the whole album once before settling on the second half exclusively.

When I tell you that Ms. Harris Has The Range!!! She plays three different characters in this show and she manages to not only make them distinct characters but she makes them SOUND completely different???!!!! The fact that she was critically acclaimed every time she was on stage but as soon as she won her Tony she quit Broadway for good????!!! Every time I think of her I go bonkers in Yonkers I tell you!!! Is this what y’all feel for *insert theater dame here* bc I Get It Now

2. Tarzan (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

I know I am neither the first nor the last to express this sentiment, but permit me to once again say: MR. COLLINS... PHIL, MY DUDE MY GUY, BUDDY, PAL- YOU DID NOT HAVE TO GO SO HARD ON THE MONKEY MOVIE!!! (Yes I know they’re apes, I would never mis-species Terk)

He did though, and I’m glad we’re all as a generation re-discovering this, the best Disney soundtrack (This Is Not Up For Debate.) Why?

1. It Slaps in its entirety with the exception of the *NSYNC cover of ‘Trashin’ The Camp’ which was muted after the first listen, however the reminder that this was made in the 90s was very funny

2. Glenn Close was in this and I just never noticed??

and most importantly, I am thrilled to introduce a new musical genre that will hopefully be making repeat appearances throughout the year:

3. Whoops, You Made A Trans Song!

Thrilled to announce that both ‘Son of Man’ and ‘Strangers Like Me’ are Trans Songs! Yes, I do have long, rambly explanations and lyric analyses as to why, but also? If You Know You Know. :)

3. Etazhi by Molchat Doma

I saw this shitpost on my dash ages ago and was haunted by it until it popped back up this month. According to Wikipedia, “their sound was influenced by 1980s Russian rock music and has been described as post-punk, new wave, synth-pop, and cold wave.” So I like all this, apparently? Cool-cool-cool.

The fact that I have no idea what they’re saying and have no real interest in finding out just adds to the chill vibes for me personally, definitely something I can listen to when I simultaneously need music but also can’t listen to anything or I’ll get overwhelmed and die in real life.

4. Helping Hands by Butcher Boy

Ok ok ok ok OK OKAAAAAAAYYYYY. THIS. This album. I caught @mrspider​‘s art stream a few weeks back (Loved it btw, combination chill and bonkers energy in the most wholesome way possible, also he’s the funniest person on Tumblr hands-down AND another trans Will, so check him out!) and he randomly played “Whistle And I’ll Come To You”, which activated my hyperfixation sleeper agent bc I have literally Not Stopped Listening To This Album. Seriously. That was 11 days ago and I have barely listened to anything that is not this for more than a song or two until tonight because nothing else has been Hitting like this!

I’ve gone through the wringer through this one, lads- not a single skip, every song has been my favorite at one point; I’ve full-on It’s Always Sunny mentally dissected just about every word John Blaine Hunt has gently deposited in my brain.

I also may have my Queer Lens screwed on too tight bc I’m pretty sure it was not their intention, but some stuff on here Is Gay! Again, I can make the long, rambly argument or you can give it a listen for yourself and see what you think. ;)

[your-brilliant-lady-m]

South Korean music industry at a glance: an outsider perspective

I watched one particular AMV last week. The song used for the video was “I’m afraid” by Korean rock band DAY6. I was pleasantly surprised as someone who values lyrics in song first and foremost. The music itself was great. I’ll listen to their songs again. It’s a nice fit for my music taste. Naturally, YouTube’s algorithm decided that I’m a fan of everything Korean after 1 video and started spamming my recommendations with k-pop songs, documentaries and everything in-between. 

I watched a couple of videos, listened to some songs and discovered fascinating patterns. So, I went down to the comment section. And it was rather interesting experience, should I say? The concept of entertainment industry in South Korea simply begged to be explored more after this. I dug deeper and visited Tumblr k-pop tags and briefly glanced upon Instagram and Twitter. And, oh...

I am a big picture person and I enjoy both studying and creating systems. This one was particularly fun to explore. I discovered a lot of new things for myself. Perhaps, you can discover something new for yourself too or take a step back and look at this from a new angle. 

Disclaimer: it’s impossible not to offend someone on Tumblr, so keep that in mind. That being said, I do NOT intend to insult of offend anyone. It’s just a little research done for fun, because I love research with a purpose. This post is NOT A HATE post. No hate intended for fans, artists or other people involved. It’s meant to be a discussion, nothing more and nothing less. If it sounds like hate, it’s just my sarcastic sense of humour.

Content Warning: I mention suicide, death, depression, rape in a couple of sentences. There’s nothing major or graphic, but it’s there. 

In this long post I decided to share with you my opinion, a so-called outsider perspective, on the world of music entertainment industry in South Korea and people involved in it on different levels. I use the word “outsider” mainly because, that’s exactly what I am in this case, as someone who is in no way involved in k-pop community. I can’t name you a single band or their members. I don’t know any solo artist and can’t neither sing nor name you any song. 

And to be completely honest, I don’t think I will set my foot into k-pop fan-circles ever again after everything I saw. 

Think of this as “In this essay I will...” meme, except there’s an actual essay.

As far as I know, in South Korea “k-pop” refers to all music produced in SK, including solo artists, various bands, singers-songwriters. It doesn’t even have to be pop music. Koreans include in this definition all genres of music. However, around the world “k-pop” means primarily music made by idol groups and bands marketed for children, teenagers and younger people. In this post I use the latter definition, because that’s how most people understand “k-pop” in other countries. Therefore, my statements, opinions and conclusions here would concern only idol music. 

The music industry in South Korea is heavily influenced by culture and traditions of the country, just like all things are. And there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, different backgrounds are what makes people so interesting and unique. However, when combined with consumer mindset, desire to generate profit at any cost and fast-paced nature of modern life these neutral cultural elements could produce something concerning, and it can lead to disastrous consequences. 

1. Idol

These people are called artists, musicians, singers, bands, groups, performers. In South Korea and in Japan, however, people call them Idols or Stars. I’ve also seen Muses, Princes and Queens. Interesting, isn’t it? The terminology used to describe these musicians in South Korea is one of the key elements in this whole entertainment system. You’ll see why.

But who or what is an idol exactly? Let’s take a basic definition from Wikipedia.

“In the practice of religion, a cult image or devotional image is a human-made object that is venerated or worshipped for the deity, person, spirit or daemon ... that it embodies or represents. In several traditions, including the ancient religions of Egypt, Greece and Rome, and modern Hinduism, cult images in a temple may undergo a daily routine of being washed, dressed, and having food left for them. Processions outside the temple on special feast days are often a feature. Religious images cover a wider range of all types of images made with a religious purpose, subject, or connection. In many contexts "cult image" specifically means the most important image in a temple, kept in an inner space, as opposed to what may be many other images decorating the temple.

The term idol is often synonymous with worship cult image. In cultures where idolatry is not viewed negatively, the word idol is not generally seen as pejorative, such as in Indian English.”

Cambridge Dictionary defines idol as follows:

And here’s the definition from Oxford Dictionary: 

This is a centrepiece of this tapestry. Surely, you have noticed by now what these definitions have in common. 

Idol = a cult image of a god, a deity 

By calling these musicians “idols” industry makes society and audience treat them in certain way, namely as gods. What characteristics do gods possess? They are beautiful, talented, funny, confident and graceful, blessed by eternal youth of immortality. Gods have no flaws, they do not bleed, they are above human concerns. They are an embodiment of perfection. They are stars, you could not reach. 

But real people are not like that. They can be sad and angry, insecure. People don’t have perfectly symmetrical faces. They can’t dance in sync without preparation. They can’t sing like angels at any given moment throughout the day.

What happens when idols accidentally reveal their humanity? What happens when people see, that they make mistakes and do stupid things, that they need to train hard to appear graceful on stage? 

I will tell you. And it’s not pretty. But, first, let’s look at other elements of this system. 

2. Y/N and Self-insert fantasy

Aside from the music, K-pop sells the self-insert fantasy to the audience. It’s carefully arranged to appear real, where the cracks are masked and every word is scripted. The reality is so vivid that one doesn’t even have to use imagination all that much, because all scenarios and decorations already exist. Countless interviews for TV and magazines, fan meetings, talk shows, reality shows made sure people are privy to all juicy details of personal lives and opinions of musicians. And also one word - merchandise. Some of that merch made me question my life choices. Some of it is, ah, creepy or has weird vibes. All of this provides plenty of material for people to work with. Fans can effortlessly imagine themselves beside their idols or even in their place. 

In a highly competitive society, where people throw themselves into studying and work since young age, forming deep and lasting connections with others is very hard, sometimes impossible. As a result, people long to have a group of close friends with similar interests, a loving partner who would cherish them endlessly. People want to be rewarded for their backbreaking efforts to succeed by the carefree life of fame and music, everlasting friendships and love. And in a way you can’t really blame them for his. 

Does this dream life sound familiar? We are looking at K-pop bands here. It doesn’t really matter if their members don’t always get along or that they can live in debt, that fame is fickle and adoring fans can tear your self-confidence to shreds. Audience wants the glamour of fantasy and the industry is more than happy to cater to these desires. 

Perhaps, knowing that even for idols this fantasy is sometimes unattainable makes the whole set up feel just a little cruel. 

3. Fans, stans and fandom culture

We’ve already established earlier that idols are gods in the eyes of people and listed traits they must possess. So, what else do gods need to exist? Worshippers. Because a cult is worth nothing without its followers. Gods need a group of people to worship them and spread their beliefs. The role of worshippers is performed by a fans in this case. 

Apparently, there is a running joke that girl groups need to win a general public popularity and boy bands need a big passionate fandom. It seems to be true according to my observations. 

In k-pop fandom people use the word “stan” to state that they like or support particular group. Now, I am sure everyone here knows that in other fandoms, dedicated to movies, shows, books and games there’s an important distinction between being a “fan” and a “stan”. What is it? 

A fan is someone who likes a ship or character, creates and/or consumes fandom content, supports certain ideas, discusses things they enjoyed and disliked, criticises canon. Stans, however, are a different breed. They engage in all typical fandom activities, but their support and enjoyment becomes obsession. Stans believe their favourite characters and ships are immune to criticism, that they are superior no matter what others say. Stans start shipping wars, send anon hate, death threats over fictional characters and hurt real people. Stans are considered toxic fans. And majority of normal civilised people don’t like them and try their best to let stans hang out in their echo chamber by themselves. 

In other fandoms and communities, to be a fan means to love, support and enjoy something, while to stan means to obsess over and hyperfixate on these same things. Words “I stan” rarely mean “I support” for most people, and if they do mean that, it’s only used in a joking manner (”We stan procrastination legend!”, “I stan our miscommunication kings”).

Everywhere else “stan” has only negative connotations, except in k-pop. But what has changed? What’s the difference? Why do international fans scoff at “shipper stans” and then turn around calling themselves “stans of X k-pop group” at the same time? Does it make you wonder? 

And this is another core theme of k-pop, in my opinion. In fandom where stan = obsession = support, you can see interesting patterns. 

Fandom loves their flawless gods. But watching them from afar is not enough for some people, because unlike deities in different religions, these gods live among us. People are very much aware of that. Industry has created a cult and laid the groundwork for worshippers to express their adoration in every way including personal contact. And who wouldn’t want to meet their god? Who wouldn’t want to know more about them or tell them how much you love them? In talk shows and fan meetings there is only so much one can do after all.

People desire to know more, to have more so much that their obsession transforms into concerning stalker tendencies. These crazy individuals follow idols, stalk them on social media, in hotels, research flight numbers, bribe security. Musicians were attacked and poisoned. I strongly suspect there were cases of rape that no one knows about. There is even a special term for these fans - “sasaeng”. 

Is there a definition for stalkers of actors or musicians in western world? No, I’m pretty sure there isn’t. They are just called “invasive/obsessive fans” or “stalkers”.

Also, there are sasaeng memes. Yeah, you heard that right. I enjoy some classy dark humour as much as the next person, but there is a fine line between normal and questionable. 

Back to the topic of stalkers. Do you realise how disturbing that is? Such behaviour is so common that there is a term for it. You create a fandom-cult, encourage people to worship k-pop idols as gods and then act surprised when members of said cult become fanatics and their adoration becomes obsession.

And it’s so easy to step on this slippery road. The system makes it ridiculously easy. Lines begin to blur. How much is too much? Where do you draw the line? 

While sasaeng fans engage in extreme real-life obsession, people online aren’t that far off, to be honest. I’ve seen it all: imagines, headcanons, fanfiction, real-person shipping, reactions. Real person shipping is a controversial topic. Some people support it, others don’t. I suppose I’m among those who don’t get it. I’m not exactly against it, but I find it strange. Mainly because it’s based on assumptions made by fans about personalities and behaviour of real people. 

Assumptions. Dear me! K-pop fandom has this thing with video compilations. I’ve never seen this phenomenon being so widespread in any other community or fandom. Basically people edit together a collection of short clips from talk-shows, interviews, Instagram stories, some YouTube videos, etc and then proceed to analyse every gesture, word, facial expression of idols and provide both audio and on-screen commentary. These videos and many other forms of similar analysis allow people to imagine what kind of personalities idols have, what kind of life do they live. It’s the source material for fanfiction, imagines and headcanons. 

But it’s not real. It’ll never be real. It’s an illusion, an image, a stage persona. They fall in love with a face and made up personality. And I think that when people create this content they can forget this. Fans can develop certain emotional dependence and unhealthy attitudes in the long run. In some YouTube comments even supportive and encouraging words sound whiny and obsessive. And semantics of being a “stan” of certain group or individual doesn’t help. 

4. Industry, companies and liars 

At last we arrive at the most important aspect of music entertainment industry - its creators.

Have you seen “The Road to El Dorado”? It’s one of my all time favourites. It has iconic characters, adult jokes that I didn’t get as a child and iconic soundtrack. I’ll quote “It’s Tough To Be A God” a lot here. 

In South Korea music industry is a factory, the production line to be exact. This kind of set up affects everything in the grand scheme of things. Companies and agencies play the role of training centres and record labels. And there are so many of them that a whole new scamming system developed based around fake idol agencies. It implies that there are people who fall for offers of these agencies and continue to do so. I suspect that victims must pay a fortune upfront before they realise their mistake. Are there any kind of legal protection against such scams? How can people verify the authenticity? Because a well masked scam can exist for a long time before someone discovers it and calls them out on their nonsense. 

As far as I understand legal companies work like this. After high school, which is often focused on performing arts (and private schools can get away with using talents of students for personal gain, which is totally not surprising), young people can audition for an agency and become an idol in training or idol-trainee. And passing audition is hard. But good recommendations can help, connections too. 

During training you don’t get paid. Only a few companies pay aspiring musicians. People can spend years in training and don’t debut. But rent, necessities, clothing and food (not that you need much of it, but more on that later) cost a lot. Where do you get the money to live then? Support from parents, one or two part time jobs at most and bank loans. Surprise! We found an unexpected (just kidding, it’s very obvious) party, who reaps benefits from the system. 

You need skill to be an idol. Natural talent helps too. The more skills you have, the cheaper and faster your training is. To level up your game you attend classes every month offered by your agency, which are not cheap (dance classes range from 400$ to 1000$ per month, sometimes more). There are four main categories in evaluation process: vocals, rapping, dancing and visuals. Idols are multitaskers, to have a chance on stage one must be perfect at everything. And people are ready to invest thousands of dollars into their kids training so that they could have a chance in entertainment industry. South Korea thrives on revenue k-pop industry generates every day.

Let’s pause here for a second and think about what kind of people come to these agencies. The answer is easy. People who have a dream, a desire, a real goal. You don’t wake up one day and decide to become a k-pop idol. Sometimes people get invited by agencies (after prior acting, modelling career or any other form of exposure). These people are usually very young. Some start straight after high school, some after university, but 25 years old is considered a late start. Compare that to western musicians who start singing at any age and still become famous. 

But why this age limit? Because idols are eternally young. So that in public eye musicians are remembered as 20 year old gods. People would listen to their music and imagine a young attractive face. Career in k-pop is short, it lasts 5-7 years, rarely longer than that. It’s even less than modelling or acting can offer. And professional sportsmen retire in their late 30′s. Some play longer, but usually, that’s it.

If you live in Los Angeles and say that you want to be an actor or performer, no one would bat an eye. It’s like saying that you want to be an engineer or accountant. Similarly, in South Korea becoming an k-pop musician is a real career. Because part of the self insert fantasy that the industry sells is the idea that anyone can be an idol. It’s easy after all. Anyone can pass auditions and become a trainee. A trainee with no guarantee of debut. But one should never underestimate the power of idol-dream. After all, idea is the most resilient parasite.   

“My friends started training in kindergarten. They have wanted to become idols since young”

“A lot of young kids get interested in Korean music” 

A 6-year old child sees the performance of k-pop group for the first time on TV. Let’s say it’s a girl. She is enraptured and decides that she will be like that too someday. She grows up, while being part of the fandom, just like all idols are in one way or another and whose fan-obsession transforms into desire to succeed. Her parents spend time and money to find her tutors, to fund dancing and singing classes. Perhaps in high school this girl decides to fix the shape of her eyes and make nose straighter. She trains hard and passes the auditions in her dream agency. And during training this girl faces the reality of behind the scenes life in music industry.

“Why are you crying? I’m not even pushing you”

“How many times have I told you? The rest are doing it perfectly”

“She is dancing like an elementary school student“

“I watched your performance as a spectator who bought a ticket to your concert. I want a refund“

“You make my ears hurt. I don’t want to listen at all”

“Listening to you was tiring”

“I’ll kick you out instead. You won’t debut”

“I thought I was going to die. That’s how determined I was” 

While I do understand that keeping a high quality standards in media industry is important, there are more productive and healthy ways to motivate someone to improve and be more passionate, you know? Constantly insulting people with sadistic glee and putting them down at every opportunity or calling them ugly to their face doesn’t do much. 

Do you think that children know about this? Do they know about soulless teachers and belittling managers? Do they know about friends who are really your competition, so you shouldn’t get attached? Do they know about living in debt? Do they know any of this? No, I don’t think they do. 

Children dream about the stage, about the sea of lights and crowds who chant your names. They want adoring fans and photoshoots. They want to appear on TV and magazine covers. Teenagers want the thrill of performance, they want to share their music and dancing with others. 

“I don’t know how many times I cried alone”

The truth is cruel. But they won’t give up easily even if it means sleeping 4-5 hours and consuming no more than 500 calories per day. Because giving up means that your whole life was a lie. One can’t afford not to be good enough. Giving up means admitting that all efforts and money your family invested into your dream were in vain. It means losing face before your family and friends - a fate worse than death. Imagine living this idol dream and building your whole future around it and then being told that you’ll never debut because of the circumstances outside of your control or something minor, like face shape or 1 kg of weight that your body refuses to lose. It can break you. Especially if you are like 18 or something. 

5. “And who am I to bridle if I'm forced to be an idol If they say that I'm a God, that's what I am”

“I don’t think there’s anything a tough as being a trainee in Korea”

Once you are a trainee at the agency your personal life does not belong to you anymore. You can’t go out without permission of the agency. You phone is taken away. Your diet and weight are monitored. Bad habits are not allowed (no smoking, drinking or drugs). Oh! I think I found the good thing in the system! Unfortunately, it won’t last. Trainees can’t date or meet with family without permission of agency. Dating is very taboo. Even established idols can’t openly date. 

Why is that? Because gods can’t belong to anyone. Their lives are property of the fandom. Because openly dating idols destroy the self-insert fantasy. There was a former idol girl who dated another musician. She was called a whore by her fans, her loving and adoring stans. You might know who I am talking about. Would you call an American actor or singer a prostitute for dating someone?

Trainees sign the contract. And how can a young person straight out of school or university know much about what makes a good contract in entertainment industry or what makes a good contract in general? Even if you do understand the terms fully you would still sign it because if you have come so far, you can’t let your dream slip this easily. There isn’t a choice. Not really. If you want to debut, you will agree to anything.

What about life after debut? You have to pay off your loans. And company takes 60-70% of your group’s earnings. Artists themselves get 30-40% and split it between themselves. K-pop groups have from 5 to 10 members or more than that. Each person gets less than 6%. Idols are not filthy rich. They are not. These earnings are practically nothing compared to the work you have put into this. 

Idols are musicians, who often don’t even write their own songs, music or create choreography. But if public doesn’t like the song and musical number the company created, they blame idols for the failure. Such an amazing logic we see right here. But people say that sharing music is the best part of idol life. But whose music? 

Models on catwalk are not there to demonstrate their physical beauty, they are blank canvas for works of clothing designers. Same with k-pop musicians. They act like puppets in a way, whose faces and voices are used to show audience someone’s music and songs. Some groups do write their own music and lyrics and it’s nice to know that. But those, who don’t are rather unfortunate. It’s a nice tool of psychological control and pressure for an agency. They can hold it over group and use the following rhetoric: “We gave you everything! Why can’t you follow the simple instructions” or “Where would you be without us? It’s not even your music!”

I called k-pop industry a factory. That’s true. Dozens of people become trainees every year. These talented young people are fully prepared to do anything to achieve their goal. They are ready to practice until they collapse, starve themselves and pour themselves into every song. Companies know that. Tell me why would they value their idols as individuals, as people, as human beings if they always have a replacement? Why bother with mental health of their artists if next year they could have a fresh set of people, who are younger and prettier? Why try to improve relationships inside groups if you could fire any member and replace them within a month or two?

In western countries famous bands have different stories. Some were friends since high school, who played in bars and during festivals and then they were noticed by some representative of label company, who offered them a contract. Some groups were formed by like-minded people who bonded and decided to share their music with the world. There are many stories, but ultimately the have one thing in common. Bands in the West often form themselves. These people had time to bond, connect, discover each other, solve some disagreements and learn to work around their differences. 

K-pop groups are formed by their agencies. They are their property in a way. Company selects the best and puts together these total strangers, appoints the leader with marketable face and personality and then expects them to work together like a well-oiled machine. No one has time to bond during training, because other people are you competition, not friends. And then you must learn to work as a team and be best friends on camera for the audience to support the self-insert fantasy. It’s no wonder that k-pop groups don’t get along sometimes. And every member knows that they are replaceable. It doesn’t help in forming connections. Groups can’t just terminate contract and go to work with another agency. I heard it happens sometimes, but it’s not a done thing. Unlike in other countries where bands just sign the deal with a different label and release their music under their name if they don’t like the old conditions. 

“It's tough to be a God But if you get the people's nod Count your blessings, keep them sweet, that's our advice Be a symbol of perfection Be a legend, be a cult Take their praise, take a collection As the multitudes exalt Don a supernatural habit We'd be crazy not to grab it So sign up two new Gods for paradise”

But is it really a paradise?

Idols are expected to act cute, to match personalities created for them by fans or media. They have to act according to the concept of their group. They have to be a symbol of perfection: skinny, single and with a face perfected by surgery. They are allowed to mess up, but only in a cute way. They can break down and cry, but only if it’s “aesthetic”.

Weight issues are a separate topic. Sometimes I wonder whether managers in companies understand how weight loss or human body in general works. To be honest, I think that scales in agencies are rigged. And only managers know that. I know it can be done from personal experience. Some beach resorts tweak their scales and make them show 4-6 kg less than actual weight, so people wouldn’t get upset if they gain some. There is no way a girl as tall as I am (173 cm) could weigh like 47-50 kg and be able to perform complex choreography on stage and sing without being out of breath, visit the gym on a regular basis and generally function as a normal human without fainting every other day.

“I developed a lot of eating disorders”

“I think I consumed about 300 calories today“

“Someone, please, trim the fat off her arms”

If you grow up thinking of idols as gods and then, when you become one of them you think that you must act as one too. But being an easily replaceable god is a heavy burden. The industry, companies and audience want you to be perfect, to always be on your best behaviour. And the thought of not being good enough or divine enough terrifies you, because stans have no mercy (black ocean concept is the most stupid thing ever by the way). This kind of pressure can destroy even the most resilient. And it does. 

Almost everyone knows that situation with mental health in South Korea is not the best to put it lightly. In many ways it’s a cultural thing. But in k-pop mental health issues are treated with even less care. Gods are not supposed to be depressed or suicidal. They are not supposed to have fears or insecurities, can’t be upset or angry. They try hard to be this deity, this image. So, even when they realise they need professional help or even a friend to talk to, they either won’t seek said help or reach out only to be met with silence. Some agencies disapprove or forbid therapy altogether. 

Sometimes fandom becomes self-aware.

“Don’t forget that idols are people too!”

“Your favourite idols are running out of breath just to keep you entertained“

“They are humans, who have feelings!”

Oh, but here’s the thing, my friend. The industry doesn’t want you to think of them as people. Companies and media repeatedly reinforce the idea that they are not people, they are your idols. And strangely enough, the audience supports this idea. People continue to call them idols, developing worshiping tendencies in the process, imitate them, scrutinise their flaws and triumphs. Because, you know, only “real and ordinary humans” can have flaws, not “idols”.

So people who say “they are human too” and people who say “wow, this concert was amazing, but vocals in the beginning were so off-key, I simply can’t” are one and the same.

This thought process would have been funny if it wasn’t so disappointing. But that’s just my observation.

And here’s another thing about sexualisation. I said before how appearances are everything, marketable face and body could drastically improve your chances to succeed. Companies know about this too and concepts and aesthetics of groups are designed accordingly. Girls are dressed in skimpy outfits, their dances are unnecessary suggestive, they wear heavy make up and try to have “mature” vibes. Boys don’t avoid such objectification either: suits, tight pants and dress shirts along with make up and hairstyle to give audience a promise of the things to come. Grown adults are not supposed to lust after 15-17 year olds. You can’t just create a sexy stage persona for teenagers. Do you remember my earlier words about creepy merch? Yeah. All of it neatly plays into the self-insert fantasy and encourages obsessive behaviour. 

This happens in western countries too. In some way that’s understandable. Beautiful and sexy image with a hint of innocence attracts more people and sells, because it caters to one of the base human instincts. But some things make your skin crawl. 

Sponsorships are another topic. Some k-pop bands seek out sponsors to provide financial aid and cover expenses, when earnings are not enough. Sometimes these sponsorships are fine, perfectly civil. But sometimes it’s a prostitution. Girl groups receive money and provide sexual favours to their patrons. It’s a way for the group to gain financial support and even find new opportunities in the industry. Companies can encourage such deals. Let that sink in for a moment. 

6. “Any advice to those who want to become a k-pop idol?”

A lot of former idols and trainees have similar responses to this question. 

“I don’t want to discourage anyone, but think twice”

“You only see the glamorous side, but don’t see all the hard work that goes into it”

“It’s not what you think”

“They think ‘Since I am good looking and can sing and dance really well, maybe I should become an idol?’, but there is much more to it“

“They think it’s something that is easy and will keep their family set for life financially”

And this implies that most people don’t know what kind of lifestyle k-pop stars truly have, despite the amount of information available online about “behind the scenes” proceedings.

7. Moving on

I am a practical person and every decision I make is subjected to scrutiny. And after seeing everything I can't help but wonder whether idols believe it's truly worth it. What keeps the industry alive is the idol-dream, the wilful ignorance of its reality and youthful idealism, the beautiful naïve belief that it'll get better, even if it never does in the end.

Sure no one would ever admit it out loud, because it's one of those things you never say on camera, no matter how sincere you have to be. It's the matter of professionalism after all, and idols have it spades. And also, because admitting this would equal admitting that you spent your best years doing something you both loved and hated, admitting that this was a mistake.

When you grow up in a society where appearances matter the most, where saving face and being polite is more important than staying true to yourself, where individuality is tolerated only to a certain point, it takes a lot of courage to admit that you need a break. I greatly respect those who decided that idol lifestyle is not for them and moved on.

8. Conclusion

To sum up, I hope you enjoyed my small research and this perspective, since you have read it all the way to the end.  

You have noticed that entertainment industry is an intricate system and its every component makes sure nothing changes. Companies have power over idols and audience, fandom has power over idols and their careers, and musicians themselves have fame and their music, but not always the promised fortune or happiness. 

It’s important to understand the big picture to draw your own conclusions and encourage positive and heathy attitudes in fandoms. Being open minded and allowing people to make mistakes and live their lives the way they want to is a part of being a decent person. People don’t owe anything to others. Art is about sharing your thoughts and feelings, promoting ideas and spreading beauty. It’s not always about money. And I think that this is what k-pop lacks as an industry. It turned dreams and human need for self-expression into business. Here everything is turned into a product. Everything idols touch can be sold, sometimes literally. Industry created problems, which can’t be solved anymore, because doing so would topple the system. And I find it tragic. Trapped in an endless chase after perfection creators of k-pop forgot that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. 

If you take a look at comment sections and posts on different platforms, what will you see? What kind of things resonate with audience? What makes people laugh and cry? When people start to appreciate the substance?

“Everyone needs to hear this song in their darkest moments”

“Thank you for your music!”

“They always deliver! These guys can’t make a bad song!”

“It inspired me to write again!”

“Their songs brought me and my sister together once again”

“This is what happens when you let groups write their own music - they make incredible things”

“They really are legends of k-pop! I love that they are not afraid to show their inner strength”

“Stay strong! You rock!”

I believe that the answer is quite simple: when it’s real, sincere. It’s all about the message you choose to send to your audience, because only superficial things cause obsession. When you say that the sparkly façade is all that matters, then that’s the only thing people will ever care about. Your audience will never give a damn about the meaning behind dancing, music or lyrics, if you tell them that performance is more important. No one would praise WHAT k-pop idols sing, instead they would prefer wasting breath to criticize HOW they sing or look or move. 

I dare the k-pop industry to prove people that it’s not just about looks or perfection, or laser shows, or being a branding machine. Prove to your fans that k-pop artists are also passionate people with big dreams and talent, who love every moment of their job, who live and inspire, who are human just like us and whose humanity is real!

Do it, you cowards!

And now, I’m finished. I can hear the raging crowd of k-pop fandom in the distance, which means it’s time to hide. See you some other time! 

[libra-araelty]

Hello!

My name is Neo. I am a neurodivergent young adult from the United States.

Neurodivergent, you say?

Yes! Neurodivergent means my brain does not function the same way that a typical human does. However that does not stop me from living a normal, everyday life just like everyone else!

I have Asperger’s Syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (MaDD), and Dyscalculia, all diagnosed. It is also highly suspected that i have Bipolar Disorder and Trichotillomania (TTM), suggested to me by people who have either condition.

Being subject to these conditions, I have quite a few struggles in my daily life. I have sensory issues, so things like uncomfortable clothes and strong scents can make it so I’m unable to function at full capacity. If these sensory issues are pushed further and further, I am at risk of going into a sensory overload or a meltdown. That only happens very rarely for me, though.

My attention span is very flaky, and I have a difficult time staying on one topic for long periods of time. I need constant changing stimuli for me to not burn out while on a task. This ironically contributes to hyperfixation, an intense focus on one particular thing for a period of time. I know, that seems like the opposite of what I said before, but they are linked. See, hyperfixation isn’t exactly something that can be forced. When hyperfocusing, I may not be able to take myself out of that particular focus, and it consumes all my thoughts for however long my brain decides to hyperfixate on it. This contributes to my flaky attention span because instead of being able to force myself to focus on something im supposed to be doing, instead the brain goes “no, you’re going to think about this one thing and we’re going to make it very hard for you to focus on anything BUT this one thing. Special Interests (SI’s) follow a similar, yet more intense pattern. SI’s last much longer, if not lifelong for me. Theyre more prominent and effective on my life than my hyperfixations.

This is where MaDD comes into play. MaDD is a condition that can be adopted and unlearned. The DSM doesn’t recognize it as an official disorder, but it is a condition that exists in many people, especially people with attention or anxiety related contitions. MaDD shares a lot of traits with cases of addiction too, however this one is much easier to take control of and is not exactly harmful. The first word, maladaptive, can be broken in half: Mal and Adaptive. Mal means bad or poor, and adaptive means the ability to adapt. Maladaptive Daydreaming basically means daydreaming that causes poor adaptation skills. MaDDers are typically those who have conditions like Autism, AD(H)D, OCD, General Anxiety, and Dyslexia. Most people adopt the technique of Maladaptive Daydreaming in their childhood or early teens and if not caught early on, can last their entire lives. However, MaDD isn’t essentially a harmful thing. Like I said, it’s easily controlled. You may be asking, “what exactly is it about MaDD that causes poor adaptation? its just daydreaming.” MaDDers daydream at an average of 6 hours minimum a day. These daydreams are intense and easily triggered by everyday things like music, art, friends, even normal emotional events. MaDDers tend to use these dreams as an escape from reality but also a reality of their own, like a lucid dream but for your waking self. The daydreams tend to have intricately woven worlds, stories, chracters, and plots, all feeling just as real to the dreamer as the rest of life itself. MaDDers tend to daydream to escape real situations they may not want to be a part of and sometimes even cancel plans just to continue to daydream.

Why are you telling me all of this? This all seems so personal and insignificant to me.

This is FAR from insignificant to anyone. You may not be Autistic or a MaDDer or even neurodivergent, but I know that as a human being you still have lots of struggles, just like me. Ive told you all about my struggles and you’re probably thinking “wow how pathetic, they cant control their own brain.” Yeah actually, I can. Even if you weren’t thinking that, (which I actually highly doubt anyone was thinking that I just wanted to put an example of worst case scenario) what if I told you that no matter what, no matter who you were or what you were going through, you can still grab hold of yourself and make your life yours? You better believe it, because despite all the conditions I just told you I have, I have taught myself to make my own path in life and not let my struggles decide what my fate is. I believe anything is possible with a little patience and elbow grease, so thats why I have made this blog. It is sorta a combination of a journal, an advice blog, and an inspirational quote blog. I want to be able to share my knowledge of my identity and experiences in order to hopefully inspire someone to get up out of the hole theyre stuck in and make their life their own again! I love the conditions I have, and I use their benefits as my superpowers and dont let the negative aspects of them hold me back. They are a part of me and who I am and I will treat them with just as much love and care as I should treat myself, and hopefully you can treat yourself with the same amount of love too <3

With love,

Neo

P.S.

Heres a couple more fun facts about me!

My biggest special interests are Homestuck, Dragons, and literally just identity in general and have been special to me for almost 5 years now

I love music and my favorite artists are Imagine Dragons, Fall Out Boy, OneRepublic, Vance Joy, hi i’m Case, Of Monsters and Men, and Watsky!

I love to draw and play D&D! I love the character creation and I’m currently working on my own campaign

My personality labels are Sun Libra, Moon Sagittarius, Rising Taurus, INTP-T, 5w4, 541, Ravenclaw, Thunderbird, Seer of Heart, Dersian, True Neutral, Blue-Green Paladin, Firebender, and Skywing Elf

If I were a D&D character I’d be a true neutral forest gnome sorcerer sage who wields a katana and raises dragons

My favorite movies are How To Train Your Dragon (1&2), It, Star Wars, and Pete’s Dragon (2016). My favorite shows are The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, The Dragon Prince, Camp Camp, Gravity Falls, Twelve Forever and The Mandalorian

I love making aesthetics and stimboards, my favorite colors are blue violet, cornflower, sapphire, teal, spring green, and bubblegum pink. I love pastel kawaii fashion because of these colors

I either want to become a cartoonist or a counselor as a career, or both and be able to use one to help the other

[fcarher]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — with yuna being a fandomless original character; it is rather hard to strictly follow canon; first of all, one has to define what canon means & that would be, in yuna’s case, the story that i have previously written before writing on Tumblr with her as my muse. i do try to stick to it, however, i always leave enough room for her to develop, otherwise, it would be just plain boring, wouldn’t it ? with that said; she already has developed a few characteristics that might be deemed out of character within the canon material

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  she is a character with several layers; meaning, you will always get to know a different side of her, the more you interact. yuna is an outcast, though, you might not notice it at first. she’s really strong & her species is still rather unknown; many abilities might have not been uncovered yet. her mission is to destroy humanity, though, will she do it ? she works as a hitman within a secret organization that is more than meets the eye. she is ACTUALLY not a true descendant of lilith. she is old & has seen & experiences MANY things. 

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  She is way too stubborn & it takes AGES to form a real relationship with her; so petty & weak-willed when it comes to her own desires; way too set on her own belief; the whole humanity-is-bad stick gets old quick; her being paranoid about every SINGLE thing; her whole concept is less about her own power but more about the control of said power & how she deals with her being pressured into the position she is

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  i love mythology & the lore within Christianity (mainly the characters, stories; def more a fan of the “evil” stuff )  i love horror; i love paranormal stuff & if you combine everything, you have yunaeisha & her sisters. the lore ( which is massive & yuna’s story plays within present-day while most of it plays in the past) is something i hold dear to my heart; i worked on it for many years, since approx. 2014-2015. yuna embodies a lot of the pain of my previous characters; not knowing her place in the universe while KNOWING that you have to function within this society that deems you’re not a part of them, either. she’s honest & a bad bitch with a very soft side; i love her a lot & she’s grown so much. my love for her inspired me & how much more i wanted to flesh her out. 

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  I constantly find new stuff that i could implement within yuna; i dream A LOT about my characters, actually, & i always try to put some material of those dreams into her. i love russia as a land; the language, the clothes, the cities. i love mythology; i love her aesthetic & i always find something that could be of use. simply going outside & watching people interact makes me think instantly; how would yuna react ? how would she talk ? i try to keep her as real possible & thus, i constantly think about her.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  — I am quite the sensitive person when it comes to HARSH criticism; when someone just comes to me to talk about how badly i portray yuna, then i’m gonna be sad about it. however, i do accept people that give me constructive ideas like; maybe it could be better if you did ... instead of .... ? i have NOTHING against it. i never received it, though, so i’m not 100 percent sure about it. though, i’d love to think that i’d be even more motivated to better her. 

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I rarely get question but i’d love if some more flew in; LET THEM BE IC QUESTIONS EVEN !! i had some muses be invested in yuna, but the more the merrier so OF COURSE !!! 

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  yes, please !! if you think a headcanon might clash with another or you think, it might be really out of character or just generally unfitting for yuna; TELL ME !! i sometimes forget some minor headcanons, though, they can play a MAJOR role sometimes; if you become aware of that, please tell me. also, if you just generally don’t agree with it, PLEASE also tell me; i’m a really open-minded person & i’d love to hear your point of view. 

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  if someone disagrees; alright, then so be it. all people think differently; you can’t please everyone. yuna is my characters, however, her concept, of being half-demon, half-goddess, the child of lilith, has been done before & thus, i know some might not agree how i portray yuna within that concept & that’s okay; though, if you outright HATE on it; why ? if you think you can do it better; make your own lore & character but don’t hate on anyone. with that said, i personally don't have anything gainst people disagreeing; that’s just how life works; we can’t agree on everything. 

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  i’d be taken aback at first because of course, as the creator of yuna, i love her dearly. though, i could understand why; she does MANY things that are considered problematic & has no remorse, whatsoever; she seems very self-centered & almost toxic to some & i GET that’s not everyone’s cup of tea; however, she’s not ONLY that but it takes times to get through that layer; i understand not everyone likes such muses. it’s okay, i don’t mind it but don’t HATE on her, aggressively ?? telling me how shitty she is or how much she sucks, is not really nice, & i know she often sucks, you don’t have to tell me twice. 

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  — YES PLEASE !! i’m human, english is actually my third-language & i still make a lot of errors; probably did some in this post as well lmao. but seriously, if you see it & you feel like correcting it; PLEASE DO !! or just shoot me a quick message, saying that you have noticed that i OFTEN make a specific error. it helps a lot !! thank you. 

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  no, definitely not! i hyperfixate a lot, meaning that i have this uncontrollable urge to just do one thing; or speak to one person or play a certain game; it messes up my social life a lot because i sometimes go months without talking to my best friends, though, they don’t mind because they’re used to me “ignoring” them. i also dislike convos that lead to nothing, even within real life; i like topic-related conversations & not just the plain “hey” & “how are you”’s. though, let me state one thing; if we have talked before & i was very open with you; I LOVE YOU! i’m not “ignoring” you on purpose or because i stopped liking you or something; it’s just me being dumb. so, if you want to talk, plot, have an idea, want to ship, ANYTHING !! shoot me a message, please, I BEG YOU !!! i hardly reach out first & that makes me seem unapproachable; i’m aware of that & i’m so sorry, i’m working on it! but other than that; i’m a person that you can talk to about everything ! politics; anime; mythology; pop-culture; roleplaying; i love it all !! i may not know the topic at first but i love learning & i’m willing to listen at all times !! also i love listening to people gush about their characters or just plotting stuff; ITS GREAT !! so, this is an invitation for you to come plot with me 8^)

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by:  @skyvar ; i loved the nasty questions ! 8^)  Tagging: @dvojakyvlk, @thevvolf, @childrenxfthemoon, @hensetsu, @talonness, @shikkotsunin​, @aemiliiu​, @nezumi-vc-103221​ & everyone who feels like stealing !!