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onlyjaeyun · 1 year

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𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 – 𝟒𝟐

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐓𝐖𝐎: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦

⤲ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

⤲ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞!𝐀𝐔, 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝!𝐀𝐔, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭

⤲ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟕𝐤

⤲ 𝐜𝐰: 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐬, 𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭: 𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐜𝐯𝐦𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭, 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐛!𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠

Growing up there's only ever been one person in your life who you've never felt uncomfortable with: your older brother.

You can't remember a single time where things had gotten so awkward, weird or tense between the two of you to the point where the silence put you in a position of discomfort.

Until now.

In the past twentyfour hours, Sunghoon has only said two handful of words to you directly, something you're also not quite used to, yet it's the way his usually so calm and gentle gaze has turned stone cold and distant, which has been keeping you on the edge.

You've tried to initiate conversations by showing him things you thought he'd be interested in or bringing up old memroies feom your childhood, only to be met with complete silence and barely any eye contact.

For some reason, you're pretty sure your brother has somehow found out about your relationship, yet on the other side no matter what you think of, nothing makes sense to you, since you both had been extra careful to not be seen in public, so careful to the point where you barely talked to each other whenever you happened to be anywhere outside of your apartment.

However, everything about Sunghoon's behavior points to it and as you both finally make it out of Seoul's airport and into the fresh air, you've just come to accept his silence and the tension it comes with.

Every now and then you lift your head to look at him, yet your brother seems completely zoned out, his eyes staring at something in the distant, delicate face halfway hidden by a black face mask, while the other half is covered by a pair of sunglasses and his baseball hat.

You've never seen him like this and the worry has already taken complete control over your system, so much it actually feels like every breath you inhale has turned into a challenge and the heaviness on your chest is basically about to suffocate you.

The ride to his girlfriend's apartment is already doomed to be even worse than the one from a about a week ago and for the first time since you've started dating Heeseung, you actually dread seeing him. Not because you don't want to see him but because you're pretty sure his presence is gonna make the tension even less bearable.

By the time you two come to stand at the parking lot of the airport, Heeseung has already spotted you and as he turns on the engine of his car, his heartbeat feels heavy, yet seems to thrum in his throat at highspeed at the same time.

Never once in his life has he felt as nervous and anxious as he does right now, the lack of knowledge of what's going to happen and how life is going to be like after today slowly eating its way through his skin and right into his head.

He's tried his best to avoid every kind of thought about Sunghoon's possible reaction, but now that the day has actually arrived, he physically can't think about anything else.

The fact his anxiety has taken over every bit of his body to the point where the excitement about finally seeing you again has gone completely lost worries him; it's never gotten this bad and Heeseung genuinely doesn't know how to handle everything that's been going on in his body.

With every single step you feel like your heart is about to jump out of your throat and for some reason you can't get yourself to say anything, even as you watch your boyfriend get out of his car to help you two with your luggage.

To your surprise, your brother actually pulls his mask down to his chin, quietly thanking his best friend before he opens the door to the passenger seat, leaving you both absolutely no choice but to look at each other in complete silence.

Every now and then Heeseung tries his best to start a conversation the way you've been doing it before you gave up, until Sunghoon calmly leans his head back and some of the tension slowly starts leaving the small space of your boyfriend's car.

You try to distract yourself by texting your best friends, the girls wishing you good luck and Jungwon giving you his best words of affirmation to calm your racing mind, yet none of it seems to help.

And in that moment you finally put a name to the weird feeling in your stomach: helplessness.

You've been feeling absolutely helpless and lost ever since your brother has stopped talking to you and the longer you think about it, the more the realisation hits you, the thicker the veil of tears blurring your vision becomes.

You quickly take a deep breath, feeling glad and relieved as your eyes finally recognize the familiar streets of Ning's apartment building and for the first time in what feels like an eternity, you can't wait for this night to just be over.

Neither one of you says a single word up until you step foot into the young student's apartment, a place you had quickly found comfort in as every little detail reminds you of her warm heart and kind soul.

But even Ning's apartment seems to be filled with tension, the owner's big, usually so happy and excited eyes filled with worry and concern in a way that sends shivers down your spine and if it wasn't for the way she pulls you into her gentle arms, you would have probably left already, just to escape this gut wrenchingly tense atmosphere.

Heeseung and you both thank Ning with a tight lipped smile before you sit down on complete opposites sides of her dark couch, attentively observing your brother who has yet to take off his jacket.

By the time Sunghoon reaches for his face mask, your eyes curiously roam his face, only to take notice of his flushed, tear stained cheeks.

And even before he could utter a single word, the realisation hits you at full force.

"Bae Sumin."

Sunghoon's voice is shaky and hoarse, his eyes glossy and slightly reddened, the sight easily breaking your heart into thousands of pieces before your mind can even question the name he had decided to say as his first two words in almost twenty hours.

"I had to find out that you've been screwing behind my back through Bae fucking Sumin?"

His words are harsh and filled with wrath, disappointment and genuine confusion. And they don't fail to leave you absolutely speechless.

You can't get yourself to physically react; your whole body completely frozen as you try to process what's actually going on, it's actually the burning trail of wetness on your cheeks which pulls you back into reality.

"Say something", Sunghoon suddenly yells and the unexpected high volume of his voice makes you flinch.

"One of you. Fucking say something."

Neither one of you dares to look anywhere but your brother and as your eyes take in the sight of your usually so energetic and lively sibling oozing nothing but exhaustion and sadness, you can't hold back the soft sob from bubbling up your throat.

Heeseung on the other hand is still in utter shock.

His whole body has gone into standby and for a moment he's pretty sure he's about to pass out because of how heavy his heart feels.

All of a sudden memories of all the times his best friend, his soultwin, the one man who's been by his side through it all, had broken down in front of him as the burden on his tiny shoulders had become too much.

"Please, tell me that fucking bitch is lying", your brother pleads, his voice breaking at the end of his sentence and that's the moment where it becomes too much and the shame finally overwhelms you, "please tell me the two most important people in my life have not been lying straight into my fucking face for fucking weeks."

Silence.

His heartbreaking plea follows nothing but absolute silence.

"Wow", Sunghoon suddenly scoffs, tears streaming down his flushed cheeks as he throws his head back with a soft sob and quickly covers his face with his hands.

And as you finally get yourself to shift your gaze to look at your boyfriend, you quickly regret your decision as the sight of a pale Heeseung just adds onto the pain in your chest.

You can actually watch the way he's slowly zoning out to stop his brain from completely destroying his soul and save him from this pain, only to fail miserably.

"We've been meaning to tell you, Hoonie", you whisper and lower your head, swallowing the knot in your throat in hopes of making the process of breathing just a little bit easier.

"Yeah? Have you? When was that supposed to happen? At your fucking wedding day?"

Yet again the sudden raise of his voice startles you and for the first time in months you feel all those memories from your childhood coming back.

"N-No, we've just been waiting for the right mo-", "Shut the fuck up."

It's this particular outburst which manages to brutally pull Heeseung back into the moment and when his brain processes what had just happened, he feels a wave of shock break down over him, knocking every single breath out of his lungs.

If there's one thing Sunghoon has always been adamant about, it's to never, ever raise his voice at you, his precious sister. Not after you both grew up in a household where yelling and screaming had become normality. Not after your parents had refused to talk to you in a proper manner and always opted for the loudness of their words instead of the meaning.

"I can't fucking stand either one of you right now", he spits and runs both of his hands over his face, harshly wiping away his tears and you both watch the way his anger fades into disappointment, you feel yourself silently choking on your tears.

"Sunghoon, please–", "I told you to shut the fuck up. Take your fucking boyfriend and leave. Leave now, Y/N or I'm going hurt your feelings. And his."

His words are anything but a request, an actual threat which has your blood run cold and with big, tear filled eyes you look at Heeseung, who has already gotten onto his feet.

"Stop looking at me like that, Lee Heeseung", your brother suddenly spits, irritated as well as furious by your boyfriend's gaze and for a moment you're genuinely afraid he might actually get physical, "or I'm actually going to punch you in the face."

"You've been fucking my sister and didn't even have the fucking balls to tell me", Hoon presses through gritted teeth and at the way his hands are balled into tight fists you can tell just how much he's holding himself back.

"No", Heeseung finally says and to your surprise his voice is stable and strong, despite the thick tears running down his cheeks.

"What the fuck do you mean 'no'? So you haven't been screwing my little sister?"

"No, I haven't been screwing her behind your back. I've been in love with your sister for over a decade. All I did was finally act on it."

You simply can't hide the shock on your face.

You don't know what exactly you had expected from your boyfriend, especially considering his most recent mental state, but this was definitely not on the list.

Everything suddenly feels like a fever dream and you're convinced you're going to wake up every second now.

"Oh, fuck off", your brother just scoffs and rolls his eyes, "this is not about how much you love her and we both know it."

"Okay, so it's about us not telling you, right? Have you ever thought about why we chose not to tell you about it?"

A beat of silence follows Heeseung's words, which he gladly takes as an approval to continue.

"You knew what she means to me, yet you still made me promise and choose between the two of you in one of our most vulnerable moments. Yes, not telling you wasn't right, yet we never willingly decided this."

"Are you blaming me for your lack of guts, Heeseung? Are you being fucking serious right now?"

Sunghoon seems shocked and genuinely confused, his thick brows furrowed and lips pressed into a thin line as your boyfriend takes two whole steps closer to stand right in front of him.

"You're my fucking brother", Heeseung suddenly throws back at him and you can tell how badly he wants to burst into tears, yet manages to stay calm just enough, "I'd fucking die for you. If you asked me to go and jump off of a fucking bridge right now, I'd do it without hesitation. You saved my life and nothing I will ever do will be enough to show you my gratitude."

A shaky sigh falls past his lips as he lowers his gaze, the exhaustion and tiredness of the last few days finally catching up on him and a weird sense of pride floads your system.

"I was the one who couldn't tell you because yes, I didn't have the fucking balls to tell you that I broke the promise I gave all these years ago, Sunghoon. I –", Heeseung inhales slowly, greedily sucking in every bit of oxygen he can get to ease the racing of his heart in his tight chest, "I didn't tell you because I couldn't – can't bear the thought of losing my dearest friend."

And as those words leave his lips, you finally let out the breath you didn't know you were holding in, only to choke on it at the sight of your tall brother suddenly bursting into tears.

"Why didn't you just t-talk to me, Heeseung? Why? Did you really think I'd make you choose between us, break up with her and breakk her heart when you're the only man on this planet who's worthy of her in every way possible? The only fucking human being I ever trusted when it came to her, her safety and happiness?"

Heeseung physically can't get himself to look at his best friend as he realises his mistake, too hurt and broken by his own decisions and thoughts, his lack of trust and faith in his closest friend and only person who has never left his side.

"I – was just so scared of losing you, Hoonie", your boyfriend whispers and looks away, his gentle cries quickly turning into wholehearted sobs as he breaks down and you can't do anything about it.

"So you decided to go and do it all behind my fucking back?"

Those words elicit yet another loud cry from your boyfriend and you hate how helpless you feel, knowing you could just go up to him and take him into your arms, yet refusing as you force yourself to give them the space they need.

This isn't about you. This is about them and their bond, their friendship and their communication.

"I'm sorry", Heeseung breathes and for a moment you're actually scared that things might never go back to how they used to be just a day ago, the one worry behind all of your boyfriend's sleepless nights.

"You broke my fucking heart", Sunghoon says and finally averts his gaze to meet yours, didappointment and pain lingering in the usual softness of his brown eyes, "and I really can't look at you two right now. Please just leave."

"Hoonie...", yet again your brother refuses to give you the privilege of finishing your sentence.

"Please, Y/N", his voice is a mere whisper and the way he can barely get himself to say your name easily shatters your already broken heart into yet another set of million pieces, "don't make me turn into my biggest nightmare. Please."

All you can do is nod in defeat, the mental, physical and emotional exhaustion too overwhelming to leave room for any discussion and with a soft sigh you finally stand up and actually approach your boyfriend.

Heeseung wordlessly turns away from your brother, his head still lowered and when you realise he also refuses to look at you, your heart tightens in your chest and subconsciously you take his face into your hands and almost force him to meet your gaze.

You don't say anything. The words lingering on the tip of your tongue but not a single one making it over the edge and into a proper sentence.

"Time", Sunghoon suddenly sighs and has both of your gazes shift to him, "I just need time."

And that's the last thing he says before he makes his way past his teary eyed girlfriend standing in the doorframe, his disappearance following the sound of a door falling shut behind him and for some reason you actually feel like breathing has actually become easier again.

"Did you two hear that?" Ning's soft voice sends chills down your body and yet again, you can't get yourself to verbally respond to her.

"Everything's going to be okay. Please just give him the time and space he needs, okay?"

And for some reason you don't have it in you to doubt her words of reassurance as your brother's demand keeps replaying in your head.

Your brother's girlfriend pulls you into a tight hug and whispers just the right amount of reassuring words into your ear before she wipes your tears away, gives your boyfriend an encouraging pat on the back and then goes to literally pick up the pieces you two had broken.

Heeseung doesn't say anything to you and for a moment you can't help but wonder if your presence is too much for him, only for your chest to fill with warmth when he reaches for your hand and then goes to help you with your coat.

The drive to your apartment is just as quiet, the silence making it feel like the past hour never happened and to your surprise, neither one of you has shed another tear after walking through the door.

You don't know why, yet the more you think about the expression on your brother's face as he asked for time, the more hope fills your chest. Sunghoon has always been easy to read for the both of you and you can tell that Heeseung seems to have similar thoughts, since a weird, unexpected calmness seems to linger in his body you can't quite put a name on.

Yet you're still pretty sure he's going to drop you off as the lack of verbal communication between the two of you does nothing to ease the anxious thoughts on your mind. You'd never blame your boyfriend for needing some time to himself away from you after being the reason for the roughest patch he had ever experienced with his closest friend.

As soon as Heeseung's car comes to a stop in front of your apartment building, you lift your head and quietly thank him, trying your best to shoot him a soft smile, only for your bottom lipp to give away how heartbroken you are, making you get out as quick as possible.

You don't hear your boyfriend's confused questions about your behavior, all you can focus on is to open the back of his car, take your suitcase and finally get into the comfort of your own four walls to break down the way you've been dying to do for the past hour.

Heeseung just watches the way you nervously fiddle with your luggage, his brows furrowed in confusion until he spots two tears finding their way down your cheeks and it's then that he realises what your brain has made you believe.

Within a moment Seung comes to stand next to you, easily hovering over your frame as he reaches for your suitcase and closes the trunk of his car, but doesn't let go of it just yet.

"Baby, look at me, please", he whispers softly, his words surprising you and with wide, teary eyes you look up at him and realise just how much you've missed him these past few days.

"Did you really think I was going to just drop you off? We haven't seen each other in three days and you came back to...this. I'd be a fucking loser if I let you sleep by yourself tonight."

You're not quite sure if it's the general exhaustion after these past few days, probably even weeks and months at this point, or if it's particularly because of tonight but without even missing a beat you throw yourself into the arms of your boyfriend and bury your face in his chest with a soft sob of relief.

Heeseung sighs, your little noises of pain and exhaustion sending chills down his body, tightening his chest as he pulls you closer to his body to make you feel as safe and protected as possible.

He knows you're blaming yourself for the current situation between him and your brother, when there's nobody to blame at all. Mistakes and wrong decisions were made, lack of communication and so many more factors which have played into tonight's event, but most importantly all of them were human things to do, something Heeseung has finally come to accept.

Usually he'd be blaming himself as well, yet this time his brain seems to go easy on him, even if his heart still hurts the more he thinks about the look of betrayal and disappointment on his best friend's face, he doesn't feel as devastated and lost as he had expected himself to.

For the first time in his life he's actually quite sure things are going to be okay, even if it might take some time.

None of this makes any of it easier, to say the least, but definitely more bearable.

By the time you finally walk into your own home, a wave of relief washes over you and without giving it another thought you shed yourself of your outerwear after turning on the heater. Heeseung carefully watches you, his eyes never once leaving your frame and you hate how that's all you need to feel your skin heating up, your brain already slut shaming you for making such a normal thing so sexual.

So, with a soft sigh you turn away and slowly walk into your bedroom, the sight finally giving you the comfort you've been craving for the past few days.

"Do you wanna talk about tonight?"

Heeseung's sudden question startles you and with furrowed brows you turn around and meet his soft gaze, loving the way his bambi eyes are still glossy and teary from earlier. In moments like these everything else becomes irrelevant, nothing but the love of your life matters and you can't help but feel genuinely proud of him when you remember all the things he had said to your brother.

"Only if you want to", you reply calmly and cock your head to the side with a gentle smile, the tension between the two of you sending chills iver your body and you're genuinely confused why your body would opt for such sensual reactions in response to emotions as heavy as the ones you're currently experiencing.

"I know I'm going to have a panic attack if I think about it too much so I think it's better if we just head to sleep, sweet girl", Heeseung whispers and gives you a soft kiss on the forehead his big hands gently caressing your arms before he takes your face into his hands and greedily lets his eyes roam your soft features.

"You're the most beautiful human being I've ever laid my eyes on", he suddenly says and leaves you absolutely speechless, the genuine honesty in the soft brown of his eyes easing the tension in your muscles.

"And I know it won't always be easy and all happy tears, but I promise I'm going to try my best to become the man you deserve", Heeseung just continues as he notices the way your lips part in surprise, something he's come to love ever since the first time he left you at a lack of words, "and no matter how many times I joke about it, I'm always completely serious when I talk about making you my wife one day. You're the light of my life and until the day you tell me to go, I'm going to give my everything to make you happy."

"Seungie...", your voice breaks, hot tears streaming down your cheeks as you notice the thick veil blurring his own vision, yet he doesn't let you speak just yet. A soft shake of his head stopping the words from rolling off your tongue.

"I'm bound to make mistakes and hurt your feelings, I just hope you know I'd never, ever do it intentionally and ask you to be understanding. Your heart is so pure, so soft and so gentle, I have yet to figure out how to handle it but again, not a day will go by where I won't do everything in my power to make you feel as loved and appreciated, adored and desired as you deserve."

And as his words fill every bit of your heart with the sweetness of comfort, warmth and the feeling of security, you simply can't hold yourself back anymore.

Before either one of you can say another word, you throw your arms around his neck and pull him as close to your body as possible, the lack of personal space exactly what you've been craving for the past two weeks.

Because despite handling Heeseung's physical distance and reluctance better than expected, you couldn't help but feel rejected, your brain punishing you for all the times you had dared to unintentionally tiptoe on the line of his personal comfort as he was trying his best to maintain his mental stability, so hearing him still be as in love and devoted to you as he was in the beginning definitely gives you the reassurance you've subconsciously been longing for.

You two still cuddled and held each other, a few kisses here and there right before Heeseung fell asleep in your arms after a long day, yet the sudden switch in tension between the two of you had you worried. Not because you couldn't live without it but because the fear of not being enough for him anymore had quickly managed to consume you.

After your little conversation about it all yesterday, you felt a lot lighter already, yet these words and the feeling of his body so close to yours was exactly what you needed.

"Thank you, Seungie", you whisper against the soft skin of his neck, embracing the strong hold of his arms around your body, "thank you so much."

You have no idea how long the two of you just stand there holding into each other, yet once you slowly pull away, you notice the sleepiness in his reddened eyes, his habit of blinking just a little too often giving away just how tired he is and that's when you realise it's probably been a good three nights since your boyfriend has had a proper night time sleep.

"How about you go and wash up, my love? I'll just give Jungwon a quick call and then get myself bed ready."

Heeseung just nods, yet looks at you for a little longer than necessary and as he studies your facial expressions, there seems to be this certain emotion lingering in your gentle gaze, he struggles to read and name. But before your boyfriend can even realise that it's the desire you're trying to hide, you give him a quick kiss on the cheek and pull away, leaving him in your bedroom as you basically throw yourself onto your balcony to get some of much needed air for your deprived lungs.

You feel like a psychopathic nymphomaniac for actually thinking about sex on a day like this, only an hour after one of the most heartbreaking things you all have experienced and that's why you're just going to wait until Heeseung's firmly asleep to take care of this stupid problem.

Part of your brains hoped that you two could use physical intimacy as a way to comfort each other but the longer you think about it, the heavier you want to cry because you simply can't believe your brain would do this to you.

With a soft sigh you dial your best friend's number, knowing the sound of his voice is going to do wonders to your messy brain and heavy heart and as soon as Jungwon picks up your call, you get comfortable on one of the little chairs on your balcony and just start crying.

Telling your best friend everything about your brother and his reaction feels relieving as it gives you the opportunity to reflect on your own feelings, rather than the need to focus on everyone else's the way you usually do and you physically can't get a single word out for a good minute, until you finally manage to catch your breath and just continue.

Jungwon doesn't say anything, just hums in approval every time you make a brief pause to gather your throughts to let you know he's actively listening, yet refusing to speak as he doesn't want you to hear the breaking of his own voice in response to your heartbreaking evening.

You don't realise how long you're talking to your best friend, your tears long dried down as you feel the coldness of the night finally overwhelm you as you thank Wonie for everything and promising to keep him updated before finally making your way back into the warmth of your apartment and straight into your bathroom.

As soon as you step into your bedroom, finally all washed up and ready to head to sleep, you're met with the sight of your boyfriend comfortably seated with his back against the headboard, glasses on his nose, strong torso exposed to your hungry eyes and just as you're about to lower your gaze just a little further, the sudden sound of his soft sob pulls you back into reality. You try your best to hide the shame and embarrassment as Heeseung does his best to do the same with his tears from you and with a soft pout on your lips you quickly get onto the other side of the bed and kneel right next to him, pulling your boyfriend into your arms and loving the way he finds instant comfort in your hold.

"I'm sorry", he whispers and wraps his arms around your waist, pushing face deeper into your neck to hide his embarrassment, "it kinda just hit me."

"It's okay, Baby, you can cry as much as you need to", you reply calmly and gently play with his slightly wet strands of hair, the smell of your bodywash and shampoo hitting your nose, making you smile softly, "what can I do to make you feel better hm? Do you want me to run you a bath and wash your back or just hold you? We could watch a movie and have some tea if you feel like it."

"Can you just sit in my lap for a little bit? I wanna hold you as close as possible", Heeseung whispers and lifts his head to look up at you, his cheeks and the tip of his pretty nose flushed, eyes red and glossy, a sight so beautiful you feel bad for thinking such thoughts in a moment this vulnerable but without hesitation you nod softly.

In no time you find yourself comfortably seated in his lap, his face yet again buried in your neck, strong arms firmly wrapped around your body and you love the way you can feel the warmth of his body through the thin fabric of your camisole.

You quickly lose track of time as you hold the love of your life in your arms and listen to his soft cries and sobs, knowing how many emotions and thoughts he's battling right now yet having absolutely no way to help with them.

With one of your hands gently caressing his back as the other plays woth his hair, you try your best to stay strong for the both of you, too physically tired and mentally exhausted to handle your own sadness anymore.

By the time a wave of sleepiness hits you, Heeseung's cries have slowly died down and from the way his hands are gently roaming your body you can tell he's about to lay on his back and finally give you both the rest you oh so desperately need.

Yet, what you don't expect is the sudden feeling of his hands finding a rather firm grip on your hips as a deep growl makes its way out of his sore throat.

"I feel like a fucking animal", he suddenly says and with your brows furrowed in confusion you pull away just enough to meet his gaze.

"Wha-", "I feel like a fucking animal because for some stupid reason my brain has decided to distract me with thoughts of your moans and the way you always look so pretty when you cum around my cock. I'm so sorry, Baby."

His words hit you like a fist straight in the face and none of that previous sleepiness is anywhere to be found.

With wide eyes and parted lips, you try your best to hide the way your body is currently drowning in your arousal in response to his boldness, not realising your lack of a verbal answer has your boyfriend on the edge.

"I'm sorry, princess, you don't deserve this", he whispers and basically forces himself to pull his hands away, yet you're faster and quickly reach for his wrists to keep them exactly where they are.

"No", you breathe and slowly start rocking your hips against his semi hard cock, your thin panties as well as his boxer briefs doing absolutely nothing as the heat from both of you meets each other through the fabric, "please, just keep going."

"But–", and this time you're the one to cut him off as you almost forcefully press your lips against his, capturing them in a hungry kiss, the one you've been daydreaming about for who knows how long at this point.

Heeseung doesn't hesitate as he kisses you back. Hunger, want and animalistic desire oozing from every single one of his touches as he grabs a fistful of your ass and grinds your hips harder against his own.

You can barely keep your moans and whimpers back as you try to keep up with him, the kiss quickly becoming rather messy and sloppy to the point where you slowly start losing yourself in the sweet taste of his saliva coating the muscle of your tongue and your whole mouth.

"That's my good girl", Heeseung grunts and kisses his way to your jaw and down your neck, sucking the soft skin into his mouth as he finally allows himself to indulge in your dweet noises and rhe feeling of your wet panties against his rock hard cock.

"I can't wait any longer, Seungie", you whimper and throw your head back as waves of pleasure rock through your body with every single touch against your sensitive clit.

"I promise I'll let you eat me out for as long as you want after this, just please", you beg softly, "let me sit on your cock first."

"F-Fuck." The profanity is drowned by the deep grunt that follows and Heeseung feels like he's actually about to cum in his boxers from your words alone.

With his brain clouded by pleasure and the deep urge to satisfy you, Heeseung just reaches for the drawer of your nightstand, only for you to stop him with glossy eyes and swollen lips from all the abuse of your own teeth.

"Just this once", your voice is a mere whisper, your request bold and dangerous, tiptoeing on the edge of a line you both promised not to cross, "I want you to fuck me raw just this once, please."

"Baby...", Heeseung has never ever wanted anything as bad as to just fuck you raw and stuff you to the brim with his cum but it's too risky, you're not on the pill and the possible consequences of a lust filled decision manage to hold him back.

"I'll just take a plan B", you quickly say and reach down between your bodies to finally pull his cock out from the little slip in his boxer briefs, stroking his length with skilled flicks of your wrist before pulling your own panties to the side and calmly grinding yourself against him.

Heeseung can feel every bit of responsibility and rational thinking leave his body as soon as he feels the wetness of your cunt against his bare cock, a feeling so delicious, so sweet and surreal, yet so dangerous it has him choke on his own spit.

"Or you could just pull out and cum in my mouth", you suddenly suggest and never in his life has he seen a sight so innocent yet lewd, your words building a complete contrast to the softness in your wide eyes and with his gaze firmly locked in yours, all he can do is nod.

"Lay back, Seungie", you say and place your hands flat against his soft chest, your fingers gently grazing the soft metal in his nipples and your cunt clenching in response to his breathy whimpers, "let me do the work, yeah? I just want you to enjoy yourself and forget."

And who on this sweet earth could ever reject an offer this sweet?

Without hesitation, Heeseung just does as he's told, his big hands finding home on your hips as he lifts his head just enough to eatch the way you're calmly lining the tip of his cock up with your wet entrance right before you start sinking down on his hard length in the slowest, most agonising pace ever.

Your high pitched moans meet his deep grunts in the thick air of your bedroom and with each inch, you feel your eyes rolling further into the back of your head; the lack of barrier between his cock and your tight cunt leaving you absolutely breathless.

You have no idea how long it actually takes you to take all of him, yet by the time you're comfortably seated on his cock, you can already taste your sweet relief on the tip of your tongue.

"Fuck, princess", Heeseung grunts and reaches for your pretty tits, kneading and groping the flesh before he pulls on your sensitive nipples and tries his best to move his hips, "fuck me. Go ahead, pretty girl, make me proud."

And that's the only thing you need to hear for your hips to start moving slowly. It doesn't take long until you're nothing but a whimpering mess, the feeling of being filled to the brim sending you into the best corners of your sweet pleasure and every time your eyes find their way back to your boyfriend's face, your cunt starts spasming around his cock.

But who could blame you when you've got a completely fucked out Lee Heeseung at your mercy; pretty lips swollen and parted, grunts and moans slowly turning into whimpers as he tries his best to handle the feeling of your spongy walls hugging his hock in just the right ways, bambi eyes constantly rolling back and yet filled with nothibg but love and adoration whenever he looks at you.

"I'm so close already, Baby", he whimpers and throws his head back into your pillow, his grip tightening on your hips as he meets your gentle thrusts with his own, chasing his high in the most breathtaking way possible and without missing a beat, you let your hand slide down your body to find your clit and rub harsh circles into the sensitive bundle of nerves.

The urge to cum with him suddenly overwhelms you and as the coil in your lower stomach starts tightening more and more, you watch the way Heeseung's eyes widen in panic and before you can do anything, your boyfriend lifts you off of his cock and lets out a loud moan as he cums all over your as well as his own stomach.

You don't even realise that you stopped the movements of your fingers, the sudden emptiness leaving you absolutely speechless and Heeseung would be dammed if he left his precious girl in a state like that.

So with a soft hiss and a few words of praise, Heeseung moves you to rest against his cock before he slowly starts guiding your hips against his length, making sure to have his sensitive tip hit your pretty clit with every single movement.

You cum all over the length of his cum within just a minute, your sweet relief hitting you out of nowhere and drowning you in its waves.

With a soft whimper of his name you finally break down and bury your face in his hot neck, your whole body shaking from the intensity of your orgasm the way you've been craving it for longer than you'd ever admit.

"I love you so much, princess", Heeseung whispers against your temple, littering your cheeks and shoulders in soft kisses as his hands caress your back softly, "my first and only love."

After a much needed bath you find yourself firmly nestled in your boyfriend's strong arms, an embrace which has never failed to provide you with the comforting feelings of security and protection and as you both finally calm down from the overwhelming rollercoaster of emotions, Heeseung can't help but lose himself in his thoughts again. Yet this time they don't break but heal his heart because he falls asleep with you in his arms and the mental image of your future together, thoughts and wishes he'd forever protect with everything he has.

And as he slowly slips into the peaceful state of sleep, he knows everything is going to be okay as long as you're by his side.

← 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 — 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

(A/N: And it finally happened. Sunghoon finally knows. I really hope I could live up to your expectations with this ngl I'm SO nervous 😭 I actually dont know what to say exceot tysm for all the love and support. I can't wait to read your guys' thoughts and feelings about this chapter and am sending everyone so much love and kisses. reblogs and feedback is always appreciated!!!🥺💗🧸)

TAGLIST CLOSED: @soonigiri @thvhannie @enhaz1 @kpoprhia @abrazosolorcereza @deobitifull @mixtape-racha @certifiedmoa @jungwon-xo @hoonieluv @enhamysunshines @jaehoonii @pussyslayerhd @ineedsomezzz @neocockthotology @heerinnie @onionzzzs @hee-pster @3amstarlight @xxxxrvexxxx @primroselover @mimikittysblog @iea-tsand @lhspeachie @xiaoderrrr @viagumi @smg-valeria @kells5595 @heeseunghee7 @xrvrqs @ddazed-lhs @heebrry @fakeuwus @dammit-jjk @ivyannemarie @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @s00buwu

#enhypen social media au #enhypen x reader #lee heeseung x reader #heeseung x reader #enhypen writers #lee heeseung social media au #heeseung smut #enhypen smut #enhypen angst

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whereserpentswalk · 8 months

Text

Ghouls are some of the most destructive cryptids in 21st century America. Every city has a few buildings or streets that have become nests for them, where you're from its the subway stations that are effected the worst. And everyone is kind of sad for them, like they know the people who the ghouls used to be met with a terrible fate, but they tend to be fine with people killing them. For the most part they've become a hoard of enemies to die in one hit, as heros with blond hair and black pistols mow them down.

Your girlfriend was bitten. You've been dating for awhile. She's always been freindly to cryptids, she must have gotten close to one. Your family tells you it's best to kill her quickly once she transforms, that it's better to lay someone to rest then to let her be undead.

But you can't bring yourself to. Even after her family has held a funeral for her you still love her too much to hurt her, or to let her be hurt. You keep her in your apartment, and even after she's fully undead, you let her rest in her old bedroom, and keep her safe and comfortable.

She's not mindless like they said she would be. She still can talk to you, still remembers who she is. She's afraid, she says she feels cold. And she has new urges, violent urges, emotions she didn't have before. She keeps having these thoughts that scare her, but still they scare her. She might have been overwhelmed and hurt someone if she was on the street, but she's here with you, and you bring her comfort, and make her feel safe.

She starts looking diffrent. First she just looks pale and veiny, and then it becomes clear she isn't alive anymore. It's not like she's rotting or anything, it's just clear that her body is dead, like a perfectly embalmed corpse. Eventually her teeth become fangs, like that of an animal, and her eyes glow yellow. The ways she moves is what makes it so horrible to look at, for awhile it makes you want to cry just to see her, so twitchy and inhuman, you tell yourself she doesn't move like a human because she isn't one, but that doesn't mean it's too late for her.

Everyone tells you it isn't fair to her to not kill her. But you can talk to her, and she wants to be alive, she's afraid of being killed by humans. Her face and voice don't show emotions anymore, but she stills feels them. You talk to her like you always did, about things you always talked to her about. She likes the same movies, the same music, you find yourself talking about mythology a lot. You remember she was studying to be a classics major before all of this happened.

She's strong in some ways now, good at attacking things, you've seen her pounce on a sparrow to eat it in a momment of weakness, she could kill someone that way. But defensively she's weak, her skin breaks so easily. You tried to cuddle with her and she ended up bloodied from the way your hands broke her skin with pressure, and she had to eat raw meat and blood to heal herself. She wants to make love to you again, she looks at your body, and your breasts, at your face, but the motion might rip her apart. When you touch her you stroke her gently, sometimes with just two fingers, like a snake being brought out to entertain children in a meusum, you have to be so gentle, because she's so delicate.

And there are bad days. Days when you've seen her stalking tye streets naked, her mouth covered in blood, hunting like an animal. The days when so many people would have shot her.

There are good days too, days when it's like old times, when its easy to remember that you're still her girlfriend. Where you can sit on the couch together and watch something. Or when you can go out together. There are days when you get to put her in dresses and makeup to make her look more alive, so she can feel better. And there are days when all she can manage to wear is a bloodstained sweatshirt.

There are people who have asked you if your afraid of her, and even give you weapons "just in case". But you won't hurt her, you don't think you can hurt someone you love, just for the crime of making you afraid. And there are times when she's scared too, and you're there for you, and you let her lay near you, and you sing to her, and tell her she's pretty, and read her myths from the same book she was read myths from as a child, and you have to be the one to read them, because the person who used to read them still thinks she's dead, and hopefully you can be enough.

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d6volution · 11 months

Note

IDEA FOR CAINE. so you knnow how pomni tought she was in dream? ok so what if we enter the digital circus and thnks its a dream to? where wes tart to do what ever becuase "oh its just a dream" and do it with caine to prove its not but soon later figure that you had actually fucked the ring master and now you have to live with that untill you abstarct. also, i love you...................re writing alot

thank........... you <33

hopefully this is okay! i accidentally made Caine a little mean at the end oops, poor reader.

Caine/Fem!Reader.

nsfw themes. | artwork.

minors dni.

You've been staring at the ceiling all night. Everyone was right.. you don't need to sleep. You don't even feel the urge, it was so.. strange. Unsettling.. it was making your mind feel like an endless void when you thought about it a bit too hard.

You closed your eyes and sighed before hopping out of bed and taking to the halls instead. You needed a walk, get your body moving to distract your mind just a little.

Which did little to help, in fact you were back tracking to your first theory.. surely this all had to just be a dream, you just had to figure out how to wake yourself up. yes that's it! a small sliver of hope.

"Hmm.." You pondered out loud, walking down the long corridor of rooms. Everyone else must be sleep or.. just relaxing their eyes more like. "Caine.. maybe if I.." you were muttering to yourself, walking back and fourth as if you were in some kind of trance.

Little did you know Caine was already watching, one of his eyes were tucked away in the corners of all the large open spaces , including the corridors. He was only half paying attention until you started—

"[Censor] [Censor] [CENSOR!]" Began screaming out every curse word and you would keep doing so until Caine showed up. Which, like clockwork he did.

"Now, now what's all this, y/n!? you'll wake up the others! Not to mention the potty mouth you have! Haven't we been over this already?" Caine said in a cheerful yet assertive tone, staring at you with his hands planted on his hips and waiting for your response.

But you didn't give him one , instead you reached up and gripped his suit collar and yanked him down, planting a kiss onto his jaw just to test the waters. He scrambled and pulled back, "W.. Woah now! What's gotten into your my dear!? You haven't even taken me on a first date yet!" He teased and continued to ramble about how inappropriate and unlike you that was.

Seduce the ringmaster... make him break his own rules, boom. Maybe.. the dream will backfire on itself so bad that you'll wake up?

Or maybe this entire idea was stupid and you're insane!

You shoved that little voice to the back of your head. You had to try something, the whole prospect of being trapped here in the first place was insane!

"A date..? Caine, you've been trapped here for ..well ever! ... Surely you want.. more than just a silly date!" You huffed, and tried to get closer to him but he was keeping his distance. Weary of your actions.

He tugged at his collar as if to fan himself, seemingly a bit tempted by your words, "W—Well , be that as it may, here at the digital circus we have to keep it family friendly we're to be enjoyed by all ages my dear!" He said and twirled his baton a few times within his gloved fingers.

"I know.. but, isn't there somewhere around here we can have a little.. privacy, Caine..~ Just the two of us? I promise no one else will see!"

Caine didn't say anything, he simply cleared his throat and took you by the waist and teleported you both to his quarters. It was grand and a little silly. A red and black theme that matched his outfit, and decor befitting for someone like him.

Caine sat at the edge of his bed and patted his lap.

Oh, god you were really doing this.. was it really this easy??

He tugged you onto his lap, and now you were flushed. But.. he didn't make a move to touch you at all.

"Now my precious , y/n we can start our date! We must take things slow to set a good example!" He said excitedly and flipped on the small tv in front of you both.

Oh we was serious. This.. this wouldn't do... it'd take too long.

You tuned out the television and Caine seemed to just tap his hand on your hip as he laughed at the corny jokes on the tv.

Just then a light bulb went off in your head and you shuffled a little in his lap, ass brushing and grinding against his crotch. You felt him stiffen and try to adjust a little.

"Something wrong?" You said oh so innocently.

"O-Of course not dear! I do hope you're enjoying the show! Bonding is very important for relationships!" He said , seemingly unphased but the sudden hardness poking against your ass was telling you everything you needed to know.

"I agree.. bonding is very important." You said in a low voice while squriming on his lap again, and his hand suddenly gripped your hip. Keeping you still.

"Ahem, heh, I think its best if you keep still dear! Don't want any.. accidents!"

He laughed, albeit nervously.

You took this chance and to turn around on his lap so you were facing him and shoved him onto the mattress. You were straddling him and keeping your palms flat on his chest as you grinded against his clothed erection, "That doesn't feel so family friendly in between your legs Caine.. just loosen up a little.~" You cringed hearing yourself trying to sound sexy but it seemed to be working. He was stuttering and making excuses but didn't push you away. In fact you could feel him twitching beneath you.

Fuck, you were getting more turned on that you thought you would.. when would this dream end..?

You were going to pull back, feeling as if this wasn't working but then you felt two large gloved hands on your ass tugging you back towards him.

"C.. Caine..?"

"Well, it seems I've just thought of way to keep this family friendly and satiate your.. more carnal desires dear! I didn't think you'd be so bold and I must say I'm impressed!"

"W—Well, I just.. I didn't think you'd actually—" You fumbled over your words and Caine took his chance to flip you onto your stomach, snapping his fingers and you were completely naked.

"C.. Caine!? What happened to taking it slow??" You said trying to cover yourself but he made sure you stayed on your stomach , his baton planted on your lower back with a bit of pressure.

"Ubupbup! None of that Y/N," He interrupted and tapped your inner thighs with his baton. Silently signaling you to open your legs and slowly you did, nuzzling the blankets in embarrassment.

"Tsk, tsk, just as I thought! You're making an absolute mess!" He shoke his head in disappointment. Making a spectacle out of your arousal.

"W.. What are you going to do..?" You whined and glanced back at him , his erection straining against his black pants quite clearly.

"Well, I'm going to give you a lesson in sexual education of course! Maybe then you'll believe this isn't a dream."

Your lips cracked into a unsettling smile, realizing the position you were in and.. well you were fucked, literally and figuratively now.

"Oh, don't give me that look dear, where did all that vigor go!?" A silly sound effect followed his teasing words, "I assure you you'll feel just fine by the time I'm done with you!~ Or... you'll abstract and I'll have to throw you into the cellar with the rest of them! Either way, I have a lesson to get on with!" He said while planting himself behind you , gloved hands gripping your hips.

"Keep still, will you?"

#the amazing digital circus #minors dni #ask #caine x reader #tadc caine #the amazing digital circus caine #caine x reader smut

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veritable-trash · 1 year

Text

maybe it's never truly over

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Fem!Reader(nickname used but no descriptors!)

Summary: It's been a long time since you've seen each other. For you it hasn't been long enough but for Miguel things are a bit more complicated.

Word Count: 1K

Rating: E - for eventual smut, friends to enemies to friends to lovers i think??? this chapter is tame just seeing if people are interested in what i might decide to cook up <3 :)

A/N: alright alright alright like literally everyone i watched spiderverse and have now descended into the black hole of being obsessed with every character from that movie but this one right here????? yes yes i like him very much. anyways wrote this for fun think i might try another series and see what comes of it. this is not sticking to any canon(lol miguel would be PISSED but this is my multiverse bitch!) because there's such a depth to his character that i want to just play with in this story potentially.

anyways if you like this little intro and want to read more and see where these two little weirdos spin their way off to reblog, send me thirsty thoughts about this man, comment to your heart's content about how his body is shaped like a dorito and i want to eat HIM!

also @dameronscopilot wrote an absolute SPICED piece for Miguel so go read that now if anyone sees this!!!!!

enjoy :)))))))))

masterlist weeeeeeeee

~~~~~

There was something different about today.

Air shimmering like it was about to crystallize and crack at any given moment.

Like the world was gonna stop all of a sudden and dissolve into some weird cosmic puddle.

But not for you. Never for you because even when things felt like they were about to snap, crackle, pop, your life tended to stay a bit boring. It had been a long, long time since you’d felt any kind of twinkle in your life, and you didn’t mind it. The last time things had fizzled like that you’d been left a bit shattered yourself.

Even still, the niggle at the nape of your neck wouldn’t let up. even the sidewalk seemed to wobble under your feet as you traversed the packed streets of Nueva York. Your palms can’t help but start sweating, heart kicking up its pace as the people around you seem to crowd and crowd and crowd.

Alley. You need to find an alley and fucking breath.

You turn in fast on the tight corridor, the smell of garbage helping to clear the dizziness in your head but it still isn’t gone. The feelings still there. Why won’t it just fucking leave you-

“Lyla I got it. Just check the other dimensions and report back to me I haven’t seen any signs of them here.”

And now you know why this an entire day has been like walking through jelly.

Because the second Miguel O’Hara turns around and sees you, everything absolutely shatters.

It’s been years, maybe over a decade since he’s seen you, but you’ve seen plenty of him. The magazines, the news, online, every god damn street corner of this godforsaken city conveniently reminds you of this Dorito-shaped dip shit man.

Nothing changes in his demeanor, to an unseasoned eye, but you remember Miguel from before. Gabe’s older brother Miguel, mama’s boy Miguel, your best friend Miguel, and his eyes can’t hide the things you know deep in his heart.

You don’t even know what to say. There’s nothing left in your brain, just him, still staring, but now from new heights, with new scars, and it scares the shit out of you.

And pisses you the fuck off.

“So what? You go radio silent for over ten years and now you’re gonna stalk me in some alley like creep? Very on brand Miguel but I thought you would have fucking grown up by now.”

His shoulders tense and you can’t stop the way your lips curve as you sense you’ve gotten to him, even if only a little. But then he’s turning away, slowly walking down the alley towards the brick wall and you realize he’s not going to say anything to you. That he’s going to just leave again without a single fucking word.

“Miguel if you don’t turn the fuck around right now and say something to me I will beat the shit out of you I swear to god. I know your weak spots don’t make me fucking use it!”

(it’s just under his ribs, but only on the right side)

“Bichito, pleas-“

“Don’t you dare fucking call me that. Don’t you fucking dare. You lost the right to call me that when you disappeared on me. Fuck you Miguel, honestly I don’t even have anything left to say to you just fuck off.”

This time his face face does crumple just a little bit and you preen at his pain. Suck it into your lungs as the boy who trampled your heart finally gets a taste of how you bled.

You turn back to the chaos of the street and throw yourself into the people, away from Miguel and all the bullshit, earth shattering happening behind you. It’s been a long time since you’ve needed Miguel O’Hara and it’ll be an even longer time before you come back around to his antics.

Probably never.

~~~~~

He fucked up.

Miguel didn’t know how he’d dropped the ball this hard, but he’d fucked up big time and for once it didn’t involve some stupid fucking multiverse drama.

It involved you.

You, the girl from down the block who used to wrestle Gabriel and make flower crowns out of the flowers growing between the cracks in the concrete.

You, the girl who stayed up till the sky started to turn pink again listening to him rant on and on about his shitty dad and his shitty life.

You, his Bichito, his little bug, his best friend, the center of what he thought was his tiny little universe so many years ago.

But he’d left that behind. Thought that he could find something else, find something better, finally be happy in ways he’d never even dreamed of.

And look at where it had gotten him.

He wasn’t ever supposed to run into you again. He was supposed to be vigilant, cautious, knew that running into you would derail him a thousand times over and he had bigger things to be focusing on. Multiverse-altering, dimension-destroying things to focus on.

Yet the universe had dropped you both in that alley and something deep in his chest rippled with feelings he couldn’t seem to find a word for. It was fucking terrifying and he wasn’t going to let it fester.

He had things to do. Universes to fix. An ever growing mantle of responsibility hanging of his shoulders.

A constant reminder of his fuck ups and the reality that he wasn’t going to let himself slip up again.

And yet as his claws carry him up and onto the rooftops of Nueva York, Miguel O’Hara has a terrifying suspicion that he may no longer be able to stay away.

~~~~~

hehehehAHAHHAHA god i love this twisted little sad sack man who just wants to be all rough and tough. anyways haven't written in ages and this character has gotten me at least sorta interested in writing so i just wanted to throw this out there, get something moving, even if i go back into dormancy for another millenia.

well heart eyes for you guys and forehead kisses for anyone who reads i hope your day is a dream <33333333333

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara #across the spiderverse #spiderman 2099 #oscar isaac characters #he is so hot yes yes yes he is so sad yes yesyes #previous tag was literally a little song and dance moment #anyways hot man i want him goodnight

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teamskulladventures · 4 months

Text

🎧🖤☠️🪲🎧🖤☠️🪲🎧🖤☠️🪲🎧🖤☠️🪲

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

Current Team:

Sylveon, Gothitelle, Ribombee, Comfey, Vivillon (Marine)

Guzma:

•A few weeks had passed since your outing with Guzma and in that time you've gotten accustomed to the rest of the gang.

•You spend your days, battling, hanging out, and going on more adventures with Guzma that the two of you had gotten pretty close.

•Today was like amy other day in Alola, sunny, hot and perfect for some battling and relaxing.

•Sitting amongst the many flowers of Ula'Ula Medow you brush your Ribombee, thanking them for giving it their all against Guzma.

•Guzma: *Stretching before seating himself next to you* Augh! Haha you did pretty good out there today. Swore you almost had me beat this time.

•(Y/N): *Giggling* Hmpf You really think so?

•Guzma: Ehhh. .

•You playful punch his side while your Ribombee proceeds to circle around Guzma.

•Guzma: Haha hey! I do mean it! You're crew put up a good fight. Shame you don't have more.

•(Y/N): Tsk well you knowww, you could just not use all your team!

•Guzma: And wheres the fun in that? *Guzma is now petting your Ribombee* From what it sounds like you just don't want to get another member. Why is that?

•You sort of give him a side glare, not the mean kind, more along the "are you seriously asking that?" variety.

•Looking you up and down, Guzma laughs to himself while ruffling his hair.

•Guzma: Right! Right! You have your theme thing going on.

•(Y/N): *You playfully scoff* As if! Says the guy who only specializes in one type!

•Guzma: Come onnn! That ain't so strange now. Plenty of trainers specialize in one type! Not that many have a theme as intense as yours though. *he starts waving his hands to try and backpeddle once he sees the lool on your face* Not.. Not that it's weird or anything! Just makes it pretty limiting. Hmmm.

•Guzma starts to think about any Pokemon that would come to mind that might align with your style.

•(Y/N): Hehe. Any grand ideas genius?

•Guzma: *He waves you off* Tsk girl let me think!

•You roll your eyes. Typical leave it to the bug specialist to only have bugs on his mind. This wasn't the first case his bug brain got you in hot water. Barely scrapped by during last weeks triva night when the topic of "who:s that pokemon" was assigned to his and yours team. You were doing so well up until that poimt until Mr."The bad boss who beats you down and never loses" made you look like a fool due to his lack of pokemon knowledge beyond just bugs!

•To be fair it's not like you had any luck either. Growing up you only familiarized yourself with Pokemon that you deemed "pretty" to some extent.

•Which became your downfall when forming a proper team for the Alola Trials as you became the picky type when searching for Mons'.

•Being on an island was already limiting in its own right to the kinds of Pokemon that could inhabit it so sucking it up and traveling with three Pokemon has been your norm thus far.

•The sound of Guzma standing up rapidly only to shout "I got it!", snapped you back into reality.

•He was holding out his hand ushering you to stand were he promptly started dragging you along near the docks.

•(Y/N): Yo Yoahhhh! Whe. . where are we going?!!

•Guzma: Uhh the boats? Where else?

•(Y/N): Isn't it a bit early to be going on some grand adventure right now?

•Guzma: Nope! Perfect time! Ain't no one's gonna be around besides us taking that boat to Akala.

•(Y/N): What?!? I thought you hated leaving Ula'Ula island? Besides aren't you kinda banned from taking the boats?

•Guzma: Yeah so? What are they gonna do, fight me? Now move it or lose it! I wanna get to Akala and off of it as soon as I can!

•(Y/N) *Catching up to Guzma's speed* Ack! Alright! Arceus you're so pushy!

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

•Walking through Lush Jungle you couldn't believe how peaceful this place could be. Thanks to your trial and all the trainers, you hardley spent any time in this forest.

•Since it was stupid early in the morning any trainers that did cross your path quickly turned the other way when the noticed Guzma with you.

•The hum of pinsirs and wooshing sounds of trees swaying made this forrest feel otherworldly. Being able to walk past various Pokemon from Butterfrees to Morelulls was lovely as well. From what you remember from your trial, many of the Pokemon were hiding away from the comotion of trainers and of those that were around fled the scene when the Totem Laurantis appeared.

•Walking around aimlessly, admiring all that was around you, Guzma had finally pulled you back to reality, calling you over to show you something.

•(Y/N): Ouhh uh Yeah! I'm coming! *You run over to where you heard his voice as your body is pulled to the ground* Dude! Warn a girl next time you want to get all handsy!!

•Guzma: Shhhs if you stay quiet we can get this done and over with before more people spot me!

•(Y/N): Oh! SORRY! Ever the informative are we? You have a terrible habit of being so secretive you know that?

•Guzma: SHH!

•(Y/N): UGh!

•Sitting in awkward silence you begin to wonder what you guys were waiting in a bush for. Well logic would dictate it has to be a Pokemon but what did Guzma know that you didn't? There were nothing but bug types and fomantis around that didn't exactly interest you.

•Waiting and waiting and waiting some more you jolt into alertness when Guzma starts rapidly tapping on your shoulders trying to guide your sight to what he spotted.

•Guzma: Look! Look! Look!

•(Y/N): Whatttt! I'm looking. I'm Looking!

•Guzma: *He spins you around so that you can face his direction. He points to a nearby clearing* See! Now's your chance!

•(Y/N): Chance for whaaa whoahh!

•You've been pushed into the clearing where a Comfey can be seen flying about. The Pokemon is a bit frightened by the sudden appearance of you, but it doesn't immediately run away.

•(Y/N): *You turn back to face Guzma* So this is what you dragged me out here for?!

•Guzma: Yes! Now quit talking and get to catching that Comfey before it runs away!!

•Turning back to face the wild Comfey you noticed it was gone. Feeling a tad sad you let it get away, and after all the waiting Guzma did, you turn to face Guzma again but there was the Comfey. It was entrenched, as it circled your body with awe and wonder. You were wearing a pastel yellow dress, with a nice fluffy petticoat underneath. The pattern resembled a florgess playing amongst a field of wildflowers and sparkles. This wild comfey must have mistaken the flowers and ruffles to be real petals as it inched closer to get a better look.

•You slowly reached out to it, as it drew back only to realize that your hand wasn't a threat. The comfey allowed you to gently stroke it but any more than that and you were sure it would run away.

•Your other hand began to search for any pokeballs tucked away in your bag. Finding one and presenting it to the comfey you were surprised when it brushed up against it. It didn't go in just yet. Flying back into the middle of the clearing the Comfey looked at you with seriousness and determination in its eyes.

•Guzma: *smugly* I think you're gonna have to earn its capture dollface!

•(Y/N): *shrugging* at least its giving me the time of day. I was for sure it was gonna fly away the second I popped up.

•The comfey waiting in anticipation you decided to send out your Ribombee as the battle began.

•(Y/N): Ribombee use Pollen Puff! *a blast of pollen knocks the comfey back yet despite the shove it seems unscaved* Wait . uhhh? I thought that was for sure a knockout or at least a bigger impact.

•Guzma is currently cackling in the bushes at your confused state.

•Guzma: Ahah oh man. . gets em every time.

•(Y/N): Huh? Ah! Wait Ribombee dodge that! *The comfey goes for a sweet kiss which your Ribombee narrowly dodges*

•Guzma: Listen (Y/N), bug moves ain't gonna do shit.

•(Y/N): *to yourself* Oh great! Another Pokemon who looks nothing like its type.

•With a failed Pollen Puff you decided to go with a dazzling gleam which didn't do a whole lot either but at least it was slightly more effective.

•Despite its flowery appearance this Comfey was tough, huh sounds familiar. This onlt made you want to get them even more.

•With a bit more dazzling gleams you noticed the Comfey was getting weaker but your own Ribombee wasn't doing so hot either.

•Welp this was your only chance to make it work and you only had three Pokeballs on your person.

•Throwing one, the Comfey went out of it as quickly as it went in.

•Damn. It must not be that weak yet. Standing in that forrest you tried thinking of a strategy that would make this Comfey weaker without knocking it out. Another dazzling gleam would be too strong but maybe another pollen puff would do the trick but would that not be enough and if so would your Ribombee survive the next attack? You decided to give it a shot with Pollen Puff again, and lucky for you the Comfey survived. Now you just had to make sure Ribombee had the stamina to dodge.

•Flying around Ribombee was unfortunately unable to dodge the next attack but with grit it held out for you. You needed to catch this Comfey or your certain Ribombee wouldn't be able to hold on any longer. Attempting for the second time you threw the Pokeball and in Comfey went.

•*Shake Shake Shake*

•But it broke out. Damn.

•Not wanting to subject Ribombee any longer to the battle you decided to throw your last Pokeball praying to Arceus that it would work. The Pokeball began to shake again.

•*Shake. Shake. Shake.*

•*Click*

•A sigh of relief left your body as you ran to your new friend.

•Picking up the Pokeball you excitedly showed it off to Guzma who looked just as relieved as you did that the process was now done. The sun shown brighly between the tree tops as a gentle breeze filled the air. It was quiet. . . too quiet.

•Your celebration was short lived as the ground shook beneath your feet. Looking at the time on your phone it read 12:38. From the sounds of the shaking and the timing you knew that Mallow's trial was starting soon as the Totem Guardian Laurantis was currently walking around the forest.

•(Y/N): Uhhh Guzma . . we need to

•Guzma: Leave!! Yep already on it.

•The two of you start booking it trying to avoid the foliage and any trainers now entering the forrest. Looking back at the clearing your eyes go wide as the totem Laurantis is already hot on its pursuit towards you. For all it knows you to are just normal trial goers and sees no reason to stop.

•Trying to high tail it faster, running in heeled boots was not doing you any favors.

•(Y/N): Guzma!!! Wait!!!!

•He turns back to look at you, sighs, and runs back to grab you.

•In a blur you no longer feel the ground beneath your feet as Guzma has lifted your body and is currently carrying you bridal style out the forest and back to the docks.

•You only look up at him, blushing madly at him carrying you like this, as you grip onto his shoulders.

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

•Catching your breath on the boat you didn't pay any mind to the onlookers as you laughed along with Guzma about what went down today.

•(Y/N): *Giggles* I can't believe you managed to carry me and run that fast at the same time!

•Guzma: Well yeah? I was fighting for my life! You know if someone *He says poking at your cheek* decided to wear something else besides heals I wouldn't have had to worry.

•(Y/N): *You playfully tease* Awww you worry about meeee?

•Guzma: Tsk you know I should have just left you in the forest.

•(Y/N): Hahhehe but cha didn't!

•Guzma: *rolls eyes*

•(Y/N): Besides I think you liked carrying me! My knight in shining sweatpants. I mean why else did you feel the need to still carry me even out of the forest.

•Guzma: *blushes* Shu. Shut up. I was just rushing to get us back to the boat.

•(Y/N): Hmmm alright whatever you say, but *snicker* hahaha you still almost tripped on the pyukumuku!

•Guzma: It ain't MY fault those damn things are so tiny. Your boi almost ate shit today and here you are . . laughing!

•(Y/N): *in a semi-mermer* well it wasss kinda funny.

•Guzma: *blushing* yeah whatever.

•You enjoy this peaceful moment with Guzma as the boat pulls into Ula'Ula docks.

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

•A few days have passed since you got Comfey and she's been a sweetheart to the team. Getting to train and battle with her has been nothing but amazing yet, like always, it still wasn't enough to defeat Guzma. You've pretty much brushed the idea of ever getting to beat him, instead focusing on ever loss as an opportunity to grow and learn.

•On this particular day most of the local tourists were gone leaving many of the city life for the locals. You took the opportunity to have a small psudo-date with Guzma to get food and tapu coacoa, luckily at a different spot this time.

•Loking up from your cell, you noticed Guzma was towering over you.

•(Y/N): Oh hey! I didn't even hear you come in! How are you?

•Guzma: *shrugging and grinning* Eh not terrible. That comfey of yours any stronger yet or are you ready to accept defeat?

•(Y/N): *scoffing* Hey well you're not entirely wrong. I don't think I stand a chance unless I have as many Pokemon as you do . . but eh that's definitely not gonna happen.

•Guzma: And what makes you so sure? I'm sure there's gotta be another Pokemon that fits your vibe . . not that I'm rushing you or anything. I mean if I get to keep beating you down like this I'm fine with your team staying the way it is.

•(Y/N): haha yeah well still. I wouldn't mind another member it's just that I definitely checked this time. Went down to the library the other day and borrowed some trainers dex and yeah it confirmed that, unless I trade with someone who has it, there is no way I am getting a full team with the Pokemon that live on these islands.

•Guzma: Well if you need someone who can get you a Pokemon you're talkin' to the right guy. *he smirks* What Pokemon you need sweetcheeks? *he asks leaning towards you*

•Blushing softly you begin to rub the back of your neck: (Y/N): Oh it mmm. .it really doesn't matter. . trust me it's pretty much impossible.

•Guzma: hmm still no need to be keepin' secrets. Just spill it already.

•(Y/N): *sighing* it's a vivillon. .

•You can sense Guzma is happy at the sound of you mentioning the bug.

•(Y/N): Well don't get all happy! *blushing* like I said... can't get em here and no scatterbugs either. *you grumble* you of all people should now that Mr. King of the bugs!

•Guzma laughs at your tone and words but he doesn't seem shaken up by the idea of not being able to find a vivillon.

•Guzma: Haha . . well if it's a Vivillon you want that shouldn't be any problem. *He says that last part to himself*

•You know the look on his face means he is thinking about causing trouble.

•(Y/N): H. . hey!! Don't go getting any wackjob ideas in your head!! I am NOT asking you to steal one for me.

•Guzma: whoa whoa whoa easy on the accusations! *smirking* I ain't thinking like that . . . anymore .

•You try to stay mad at him.

•Guzma: *snickers* . . tsk . trust me (Y/N) I have other methods. .

•You roll your eyes. Knowing Guzma that could mean anything: (Y/N): hmpf. . well *you cross your shoulders* I am not asking you to do anything for me. . I believe I am content with what I have just fine. . now finish your food so we can do something else.

•Guzma: Hmm sure . . whatever you say doll. *Guzma has a feint blush on his face*

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

•It's been a week since your last outing with Guzma. Walking along the wooden walkways of Ula'Ula Meadows you were supposed to meet with him as he "wanted to show you something hella dope" apparently.

•With Sylveon walking in tandem with their ribbons wrapped around you arm she was keeping an eye out for the Bug Boss as the two of you scanned the sea of red flowers.

•During your walk, the gentle Alolan breeze blew past and the sounds of ruffling leaves filled your ears. In the moment you began thinking back on all your moments with Guzma and how despite his gang affiliation and what everyone thinks of him you know that he is a great guy deep down. He has been nothing but supportive and accepting of your style and personality that your heart started pounding in your chest the more you thought about him. He had this sort of gruff charm to him that only he could pull off and you are thankful that he was so willing to let you be a part of his busy and reckless life. You know he isn't one to open up to others besides the grunts and his admin and friend Plumeria.

•Before your mind trailed off too far your sylveon pulled you towards the direction she saw Guzma.

•Heading a bit south towards a more secluded part of the meadow you saw Guzma slouching on the ground talking to his ariados. As he pet him the look on Guzma's face was that of nervousness that you've never seen on him before.

•Your sylveon happily called out to Guzma as it ran towards his direction. You jogged behind her, stopping just a few feet away from Guzma as he stood up and began dusting off his sweats.

•Guzma: Oh . he hey? *coughing* what's good yo?

•(Y/N): *a bit suspicious* Gooood? What's good on your end?

•Guzma: ha he uh nothing. . *coughing* nothing . . just same shit as usual. *he starts rubbing the back of his head as his usual confidence is disappearing each second that passes*

•(Y/N): *giggles* uh oh okayyy? . . *You walk a bit closer to him* you good? You seem a bit . off.

•Guzma: *trying to stay casual* tsk yeah that's what I just said right?! . Your boi is good. . and shit. yeah .

•Your eyes noticed that he was fighting with something in his pocket as you stood in silence observing his every move. It was starting to freak him out a bit as he turned his back towards you not before tossing you whatever he had in his pocket.

•It was a pokeball. An all white Pokeball with a gold band around it with the feint initials "A.F" carved into it.

•Guzma spoke up in defense before you had the chance to chew him out.

•Guzma: *his cheecks start to turn red* Listen . .I . I didn't take it from no trainer or anything.

•(Y/N): *softly* Guzma . .

•Guzma wasn't expecting to feel your arm tug on his sleeve. He had nowhere to turn to try and hide his flustered face as your (colored) eyes staired back into his.

•Guzma: *trying to cover his face with the back of his hand* Don't give me that look??! What . w mmm you said it yourself *he crosses his shoulders* what your like birthday is soon or somethin' . . got you an early gift is all.

•(Y/N): *You're blushing too as you shake your head at Guzma's blushing form* hehe yeah sure . if you think two months away is pretty soon.

•You gaze at the ball in your hand. Well whoever gave Guzma this Pokemon must have been from a different region as you had never seen a pokeball like this before. You only hoped they weren't going to miss whatever Pokemon was inside it if they were willing to carve their initials into this ball.

•Guzma: *a bit frustrated* argh you know that thing won't pop out on its own!

•(Y/N): *giggles* Alright! Alright! Arceus! Pushy as always.

•Releasing the Pokemon you gasped in away at what flew in front of you. Your heartbeat fast as you gripped onto Guzma's arm to keep yourself from stumbling.

•Before your very eyes was a beautiful light blue Vivillon. The bug type danced around you a bit too eagerly for a pokemon that is meeting it's new trainer for the first time.

•Drawing your hand out the Vivillon did not hesitate to launch itself at you in a welcoming embrace.

•Guzma: Sorry. . it's not the right color.

•(Y/N): huh?

•Guzma: You clearly wanted the pink one. . . but blue was the best I could get.

•Holding onto Guzmas hand you begin rubbing it gently.

•(Y/N): Thank you . . thank you so much for . . everything.

•Guzma: Whoa whoa whoa?! Hold on whats with the . . everything talk . everything? I ain't done shit to earn that . *He's covering his blush with the back of his hand* the fuck are you on about?

•(Y/N): well uh . .you know . you've done a whole lot for me just by being close to me . . for not judging my appearance . . and for sticking by my side when my appearance causes unwanted attention. . and for trying to understand me and support me. You know better than anyone what it's like to be judged and hated on by people who don't try to get to know the person they're judging. And I say all that because it does mean something to me. . it is my everything.

•Guzma: *his whole face is red* . ye yeah . likewise . . *Not one for words he opts to pull you into a tight embrace.* s . still he's blue . . *Guzma grumbles out that last part*

•Hugging him tighter you can't help but giggle into his chest.

•(Y/N): No. He's perfect.

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

*Click click click*

•The sound of your mary janes hitting the pavement as you walked without a care in the world to who was starting at your appearance.

•You were happy today because today you were going on another date with Guzma.

•Approaching Guzma he couldn't help bit stare in awe at your choice of outfit.

•Guzma: Yo (Y/N). .h hey now! That's a new color on you. *Walking up to you* It's nice. *he says with his signature grin*

•(Y/N): Thank you! I've been meaning to wear this one for a while . . just didn't have the right "accessories" to wear it with . but I guess I should thank you for that. *saying all that your vivillon happily flitters by your side as you go to pet the top of his head*

•You are wearing a plain baby blue dress with a white accented corset, white mary janes, blue ruffled and sparkling stockings, and a blue bow atop your head.

•(Y/N): *Reaching out to wrap you arm around Guzmas* So . you ready?

•Guzma: *Ruffling the back of his head* sure I am dollface.

•Walking down the busy street the two of you brace for your next lovely adventure.

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

#guzma #pokemon #team skull #guzma pokemon #pokemon guzma #team skull pokemon #pokemon team skull #alola #i love him so freaking much #guzma x y/n #guzma x me #guzma x reader #guzma imagines #team skull imagines #pokemon x reader #pokemon imagines #team skull x reader

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basilpaste · 7 months

Text

here it is! the elle thing!!

Loop picked their name on the spot. From the moment they introduced themself — it was something you'd known. It's the name they chose to represent themself with, though! You don't have a right to question it. It wouldn't be fair if it was a name they liked. It would be even less fair if it wasn't. You don't want to push. To risk hurting them.

That's kind of cowardly, isn't it?

Ah… but um. Calling them Loop feels kind of strange sometimes? You usually call your friends nicknames! Loop is your friend, aren't they? In your time stuck in the same two days they've grown into someone you really trust. So it feels too formal when you call them it! Especially when they don't call you your name… ever.

You also wonder if… maybe they called themself Loop in an attempt to dehumanize themself? You don't want to psychoanalyze them, that feels cruel, but it makes sense, doesn't it? Whatever happened to them — the thing that did this to them — you have a feeling that their information on the loops you're trapped in is… more than just bestowed knowledge. It feels awful knowing that someone like them (like Sif, you don't let yourself think) could be trapped like you are now. In what world is that fair?

Maybe they used the name because it was easier. Easier to claim to just be related to the loops. Fundamentally less than human. A guide and nothing more.

You don't like thinking about someone you care about like that. They've let their walls down a lot since you met them! Even if they won't admit it. They aren't as cold as they were when things started. It's comforting to have someone on your side through all of this. You hope that maybe, somehow, you're a comfort to them, too.

So… you finish your prayer to the Change God. Sif passes you right on schedule, finished making their wish. You wave even though they can't see it (it's good to have habits!) and make your way back to the Favor Tree. This is routine, too, but you let yourself hope things will be a little different this time. You have a plan, after all! Something you'll change!

You slip past the low-hanging branches of the tree and sit across from Loop on its roots. They regard you with a simple nod. You wave back cheerfully.

"Hello, Fighter."

Ah! It's go-time. Okay! Play it cool, Isabeau! It's just like any other nickname you've ever given a friend! You give people nicknames all the time! You shouldn't be nervous! Oh crab, why are you so nervous??

"Hi, Elle!"

The flow of the conversation shatters before it's even really begun. You catch Loop's eyes widen just a fraction before they force themself to settle. It seems like reigning in their expression let something else slip, though. They let out a startled laugh. Wildly different from the rehearsed 'teehee' you're used to hearing from them. It's high-pitched and fluttery and when they realize it's happening they slap a hand over the mouth they don't have to muffle it.

It reminds you so much of the first time you called Sif 'Sif' that it makes your chest ache. You push past it. Now's not the time to be thinking like that. You're talking to Loop, not Siffrin.

"L?" They say finally, a barely restrained wobble in their voice.

Somehow — you know they aren't thinking of it the same way you are.

"Yeah!" You nod, "Elle like… E-L-L-E. Like the first letter in Loop! But just calling you a letter felt kind of weird, heh."

They look at you for a long time. You think you've gotten pretty good at reading their expressions, but… you're not quite sure about this one. All you know is that there's a lot of emotion they're working really hard to hide. Oh no! Is this anger, maybe? Did you step in it? Maybe you should backtrack, pretend this never happened—

"Elle." They whisper, holding a hand over the shape on their chest — right where their heart would be.

They turn away from you, "You really are something, Fighter."

Oh. You think they're trying not to cry.

#in stars and time #isat #in stars and time spoilers #isat spoilers #isat fanfic #isabeau isat #loop isat #of stitches in sequence #basil writes #WOO!! elle thing.

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collecting-stories · 1 year

Text

Sweet Nothings - Remus Lupin

Request: Remus lupin is so sweet nothing. Please I’m begging 🙏

Summary: Just Remus and the reader being cute and talking about reading aloud, eating toast, and having tea.

A/N: There's a whole paragraph about a backstory that I was going to expand on but then decided against it so now its just sitting there as backstory that goes nowhere lol.

TS Anthology Series | Harry Potter Masterlist

...all that you ever wanted from me was nothing...

Molly was still making the rounds, saying goodbye to everyone and making them each individually promise that, should any trouble arise, they would owl her and Arthur immediately. You were a tad too old for surrogate parents though you couldn't deny the warm feeling that always settled over you at the feeling of a too-tight hug and kiss on the head. Molly had a way of making you feel happy to be coddled instead of annoyed, as you so often found yourself with affection these days.

Everything felt forced and performative and overreaching, like every hug was just you trying to convince yourself that things outside of Grimmuald Place were not what they were. Kingsley passed you in the hallway on his way to the floo, nodding a goodbye as you ignored the staircase and walked into the dining room.

In fifth year you had dated a boy whose family was friends with the Blacks and you'd been to a Christmas party with him here, where you cowered awkwardly in the corner of a room until he snuck you off to the library to make out. At the time you were 15 and Voldemort was dead (or so they claimed) and you had very little exposure to that most noble house of Black and their relatives. Now, in your late twenties, working at the Ministry with Kingsley, you found yourself well-exposed to all the inner-workings of the family drama. Both the Blacks and the Order, and supremely familiar with 12 Grimmuald Place.

"You've got stuck washing up?" You took the short flight of steps down into the kitchen and walked to where Remus was standing over the sink (shirtsleeves rolled to his elbows and suds from the sponge clinging to his hands).

"So it seems," he replied, shutting off the faucet and reaching for the tea towel, wiping his hands dry so he could take a sip of tea from the mug he had sitting beside the sink, "has everyone left?"

"They were when I snuck out," you reached around him, taking the mug and stealing a sip from it, "had to come all the way back here to say goodnight to you."

"Is that what you're doing?" He questioned, taking the mug back.

"It's what I'm pretending to do," you replied.

Your new found familiarity with the Black Family home had everything to do with Remus, who had been staying with his best friend since Mad-Eye and Kingsley had determined the house to be the safest place for Sirius to outlive his fugitive status (and probably for a significant time before that too). The house had become an unofficial gathering for the business of Voldemort's return months prior to the Order's official reinstatement and you had, in all that time, gotten to know the house and it's occupants (Remus in particular) very well.

"It's no use," he held the tea towel out to you, a silent request to dry the dishes he washed, "Molly already knows. Which means everyone else does as well."

"What? How do you know she knows?" You asked. You knew you shouldn't be nearly as surprised as you were by the news, Molly mothered seven children after all. The woman had eyes (and ears) in the back of her head. "Also, why do you insist on washing up the muggle way?"

"It's relaxing." He shrugged, ignoring your other question for the moment.

"Dirty dishes relax you?" You laughed, "you're a very strange man."

"You must be quite strange then as well, seeing as you've chosen to share a bed with me." He said, voice dropping conspiratorially lower, as though he was sharing some kind of secret with you as he leaned in close.

You nudged him away with your elbow, hands full of a plate and the rag you were drying it with. "How did Molly know?"

He shrugged, "I haven't the slightest idea, she came up to me at the last meeting and told me she knew about us. Very accusatory, I might add, as though she had caught me in the act."

"Perhaps she did," you teased, "you're very handsy you know."

"I've never been accused of being handsy before in my life," he replied, "perhaps you're thinking of yourself."

"That must be it," you teased, pinching the bit of skin that appeared just above his slacks as he reached to place some dried plates back in the cupboard. He managed to swat at your hand with his, frowning at you as if you weren't in Sirius' kitchen but in fact back at Hogwarts, some teacher just around the corner waiting to nab you.

"I was going to set a pot for tea if you'd like some," Remus offered, setting the last of the now clean dishes back into their home before moving further down the counter to where the stove sat.

"Depends," you mused, taking the kettle off the stovetop for him and filling it with water.

"Depends," he echoed, "on what?"

"Will you be reading?" You asked.

Peace was hard to come by in a war, even when you were far from the actual fighting. When you'd first moved into Grimmuald Place you felt very much like you were suffocating in the morose silence of the home. There was no peace inside the walls. But then, by a stroke of luck and chronic insomnia, you'd come across Remus in the library, sitting by the fire reading and having a cup of tea. He'd happily made you one and then he read aloud to you and it was the first time since agreeing to help Kingsley and Dumbledore with the Order business (truly the first time since there'd been any inkling of Voldemort's return four years earlier) that you'd felt any semblance of peace.

"Naturally."

You passed off two mugs to him from the cupboard in the far corner. Sirius had 'therapeutically' broken every piece of china that his mother had perserved in the cabinet and replaced them with various (and often truly ridiculous) muggle kitchenware. The mugs you passed on to Remus now were a set that advertised muggle kings and queens of England.

"I read once that Mary Tudor was actually a witch, you know? Her mother apparently was from a pureblood family and it was rather scandalous that she married Henry. It was muggles then, I believe, that Mary was burning at the stake."

"Catherine of Aragon was a pureblood witch? I think you're making things up at this point," you replied, admiring the way the sleeves of his cardigan threatened to fall down over his hands as he worked.

"It's true, or at least the book I read claimed it to be. I've not given it the time to research properly. It also said she killed Arthur," he replied.

"Suppose it said Mary was a slytherin?" You teased.

"Could've been."

"Where's Sirius when I need him to tell you that you're full of shit," you laughed, "off the topic of English royalty though-"

"It's not so impossible to imagine that at least a small portion of the monarchy were witches or wizards." He cut in, insistent to make the point whether he was certain of its validity or not.

"Off the topic," you repeated, stressing the words as best you could, "I've bought you something. And you're talking such nonsense I nearly forgot to give it to you."

"You've bought me something?"

"Yes," you went back to the bag you'd brought that evening, sitting on the chair you'd once been occupying for the meeting, a few non-perishable groceries still sitting inside, and pulled out a container. "It's pumpkin butter, for your toast." You placed the small glass jar on the counter and pushed it toward him.

"Where did you get it?" He asked, lifting it and turning it over in his hands. There were no distinct markings on the outside, just a plain glass mason jar with a lid secured on.

"A market in Bathgate. Went over the weekend to see my mum...she's talking about leaving Scotland, think perhaps she means it this time." You mouth did something resembling a frown (or the beginning of one) before you forced a smile, "as it is, the seller informed me that she grows her own pumpkins and everything."

"Looks very intriguing."

"It's a bribe, so that you'll read more Silmarillion," you explained, leaning against the counter to be closer to him. In truth, he probably didn't need to be bribed to do anything you asked of him, he simply needed to be asked. And sometimes, not even. But he had claimed, after the last evening you spent reading together over a kettle of tea and plates of jammy toast, that he was going to quit reading to you if you didn't stop falling asleep.

"I was only teasing, before," Remus clarified, an especially soft look on his face, as though he believed that you had taken him seriously when he said he wouldn't read with you anymore, "I'm not really bothered that you fall asleep. I know you've been having trouble getting rest."

"Says you, when was the last time you had a good night's sleep?" You questioned, buttering a skillet to toast bread on, "the last time you fell asleep it was sitting up, trying to read the daily prophet over a bowl of porridge."

"Yes, I remember," Remus replied, thinking of the porridgy goop that had stuck to his elbow when he'd accidentally dropped his arm into his bowl.

"We both need sleep then," you replied. "Desperately it would seem."

"How do you suggest we go about getting it? Considering how busy you are during the day and how adverse I am to napping in the afternoon."

"We go to bed at a reasonable hour?" You offer, laughing on the end of the sentence. There hadn't been a night this week that hadn't been overtaken by a meeting. If not a meeting then simply someone (Mad-Eye or Kingsley or someone equally in a hurry) dropped in to give news or request assistance or speak in hushed tones to the three of you in the kitchen about the changing climate of the wizarding world. Even Grimmuald Place seemed unable to shelter you from the chaos that reigned outside.

"Splendid idea, are you suggesting we start tonight?" He asked, glancing quickly at his watch as if to remind you how late it was already.

"Seems a shame to waste perfectly goody slices of bread...and you've only just made tea," you replied. Despite your own suggestion you weren't the slightest bit tired and imagined you wouldn't even begin to be until you had finished off your toast and tea and were bundled in Remus' cardigan listening to him read aloud.

"Excellent point," Remus noted, not ready to fight with sleep either, "shall we head to the library?"

"We should light a fire this time," you suggested, and then, "oh god! You think that's how Molly knows?"

"What?"

"Do you think that's how Molly knows we're together?" You clarified, though not enough because Remus still looked somewhat confused.

"How? I don't know what you're referring to."

"When Arthur flooed in...to see about the incident near Buckingham and we were-"

"Ah," Remus cut you off, his cheeks going red at the reminder, as though he were not a man in his mid-thirties, perfectly allowed to do what he wanted (or who he wanted, in this case) without being shy about it. "I would say so yes."

"Well best to light a fire then, don't want to shock anyone else, even if Molly has put the word out."

"Are you expecting something to happen?" He asked, following you out into hallway, mugs of tea in hand.

"I have two very distinct reactions to you reading aloud Remus," you replied, "who's to say what tonight's will be."

"Merlin's beard."

#collecting stories imagine #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin fanfic #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin drabble #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin x you #gender neutral reader #hp imagine #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction

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angelsanarchy · 7 months

Text

Alkaline: Euronymous x Y/N Series CH 32

Tagging: @ophelialaufey @madamemaximoff06 @forever-not-gonna-sink@ajmiila02@liquidsmoothdomme@shady-the-simp @auggiethecreator @tempt-ress @blacksoul-27 @shroomje

Oystein had woken up early the next morning and sat against the headboard watching Y/n sleep. She had already cleaned the smudged paint from her face so she wouldn't stain the pillow but he hadn't bothered. When she woke up and caught him staring she smiled at him.

She got out of bed, completely naked and walked into his bathroom before returning with a wash cloth and what looked like some sort of makeup remover. She started cleaning his face carefully and noticed what he was holding in his hand.

"You miss him." She looked at a picture of him and Pelle that she hadn't seen before that he must have kept in his nightstand. The way she said it was more of a fact and not a question.

"I miss how things used to be...before it all went to shit." He said simply.

"Everything isn't shit Oystein." Y/n sighed softly.

"I just feel like I'm losing control of all the things in my life." He confessed and she leaned forward kissing his forehead.

"I think we're doing pretty well. That's a plus." She reminded.

"You're the only thing that's going right and that scares the shit out of me. I'm just waiting for you to realize you're saddling yourself with a fucking failure." Oystein tossed the picture on the nightstand and Y/n shook her head.

"Hey I'm not going anywhere okay? You've got to stop thinking I am just because everything else is kind of shit right now. Whatever you want to do, I'm with you." She reassures him tucking some of his hair behind his ear. He looked at her a bit concerned.

"Y/n I don't know if you've noticed but I'm a fucking trainwreck. My band is on hiatus, Varg wants me dead and I've got a meeting with the landlord about Helvete which probably means I'm going to lose it. It's fucking hopeless." Oystein complain and Y/n could see he was really going through it. She got up once again and grabbed her bag from the couch before plopping down in front of him once again, rummaging through her stuff.

"What are you looking for?" He asked confused but she pulled out what he thought was a makeup compact. Inside was a folded up piece of paper.

"Do you know what this is?" She asked him with a smile. He nodded. She opened it up and he saw the scribble of the Mayhem symbol on the back of it.

"Is that-"

"The comment you left in the suggestion box? Yes." She smirked proudly.

"You carry it around?" He asked surprised.

"Of course I do. It's the only one I've ever gotten and its from you." She laughed.

"It's also the moment I knew I was falling for you." She blushed making him smile.

"Yeah? I don't even remember what I put on it if we're being honest." He admitted. She turned it around and handed it to him.

"Food is great, service is the amazing. Y/n, every thing you touch turns to fucking gold. All I want in the world is to be touched by you." She had memorized it and Oystein covered his face.

"Fuck that's cringey as shit." He was embarassed but she pulled his hands away from his face.

"Yeah it absolutely was but it was a very sweet thing to put in a comment box where anyone could have seen it. You let yourself be cringey and vulnerable just to tell me that I was special." She kissed his hands and he let out a sigh.

"Everything I touch is gold right?" She gripped the side of his face and kissed him softly. She could feel the tension in his body release as she wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her into his lap. He leaned his forehead against her head and she could feel him shaking slightly.

"So much has happened since Pelle killed himself...with burning down the churches, Varg talking to the media...Faust...he killed a guy in a park." He felt Y/n tense. He looked up into her eyes and saw shock and fear.

"No matter what I do, I'm trapped in all of this mess. I might not have created it all by myself but the last thing I want is for it to bleed out on you. They could come for me one day, Varg or the police, I can't let you get hurt in this." Oystein pressed. Y/n stroked his face carefully.

"Listen to me okay? I know you're scared. I'm scared too but the only thing I know is that when I'm with you, I feel like I can be whoever I want to be, do whatever I want to do. You give me the courage to try new things and be exactly who I want to be. You make me unafraid because I know I'll have you even if this all goes to hell." Y/n lifts his chin up and he nods at her.

"That has nothing to do with me. You were tough when we met." He gave her a soft smile and she placed her hand on his heart.

"Well then trust me when I say I've got you baby." She presses.

"And if they come at us with pitchforks?" He joked but Y/n leaned over towards her bag again and pulled out a handful of things.

"Mace, knife, taser..." She showed him what she was carrying. His eyes went wide when she hit the button on the taser.

"Fuck, you just carry that shit around with you?" He asked surprised.

"I didn't used to. I started when Varg started threatening me." She explained seeing Oystein's eyes shift.

"We aren't going out without a fight baby." Oystein knew he was the one that should traditionally be the strength in a relationship but nothing about them was traditional. He liked that he could trust in Y/n's ability to take care of herself. He liked that she could say things to him and put his mind at ease despite the shit show he found himself in on the daily.

"Can I ask you something?" Oystein finally spoke after a few moments of silence between them .

"Anything." She responds.

"Would you consider moving in with me?" He was trying to be careful with his tone so she didn't feel pressured but she held a confused smile.

"What? Why do you want me to-" She couldn't even get it out.

"You make everything better. Waking up to you, eating dinner with you, fuck- hanging out on the couch is just...I want you here all the time. I want to leave the shop knowing I'm coming home to you." Oystein explained and she cupped his cheek.

"Yeah? You like coming home to me?" She smirked.

"I do. I like coming home and seeing you walking around in your panties and one of my shirts." He pushes Y/n onto her back and lays her down.

"I like wrapping my arms around you while you cook something and getting to run my hands down your thighs." She closed her eyes as he ran his fingertips down her neck, over her tits all the way to her thighs.

"I like knowing that at any point, I can lay you on the bed and fuck you whenever I want to." He let his hand grip her throat and she bit her lip.

"This place isn't my home, you are." He leaned down and licked her bottom lip before kissing her roughly. She tried to catch her breath but his hand squeezed lightly before finally letting go and pulling back to look down at her.

"I would love to move in with you." She smiled up at him with red swollen lips that he was just practically chewing on.

"Yeah?" He asked surprised. She let out a laugh and put her hand on his as it rested on her breast.

"Yeah." She liked the idea that they could truly start something fresh with one another. Oystein had so much talent and always kept his mind open to new ideas. She wanted to start a new chapter with him.

#Alkaline #One Shot Series #R!Euronymous #R!Euronymous x Y/n #Films: Lords of Chaos #Rory Culkin #Culkin Cult #Alkaline Series

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bettsfic · 2 years

Text

writers' block can have many causes, but one of the most common and insidious is what i call the Bad Faith Audience: the mass of anonymous readers in your head who make fun of and belittle your work. the Bad Faith Audience happens when you're staring at a document, you want to write something, but you think to yourself, "who's going to read this? why should i bother?" it also happens when you restrict yourself: "that's a stupid idea. it's bad writing." that's what's so messed up about the Bad Faith Audience--it's an assumption of a homogenous population of people who somehow get to decide what Good Writing is. "this isn't very good," you think to yourself of your own work. but by what standard are you judging yourself? how exactly have you reached that conclusion? you've built up a non-existent audience of people to attempt to appease. the harder you try to appease that Bad Faith Audience, the more you concede your own ideals and flatten your writing to appeal to the largest common denominator.

you stare at a blank document, and before you've even written a word, you've reached the conclusion it's not worth existing. that it won't be good enough based on an unidentifiable standard. it won't be perfect. and then you don't write it.

possibly you think, "but there are all these writers i admire and i'll never be as good as them." there will always be writers you think are better than you. always. that does not invalidate your work. you have improved from where you began and you will continue to improve as long as you keep writing. the author you admire may be on a different mile marker on their own journey, but you'll get there too eventually. or maybe you won't; maybe you'll walk down a different path than them and be able to acknowledge that their voice and aesthetics are just not what you write, and that's okay. you don't have to be able to write everything. you can admire something and not adopt it into your own goals.

here's a thought experiment that's gotten me to close the curtain on the Bad Faith Audience:

don't imagine many readers. imagine one reader. i call this reader Aunt Janet. Aunt Janet can look down on anything, no matter how lauded or famous. van gogh's sunflowers? "it's just flowers. who cares?" the mona lisa? "she's not even smiling."

Aunt Janet looks at your work and says, "what's the point? go do something better with your time." but the thing about Aunt Janet is that she doesn't know anything about writing or art or music, has no knowledge to help frame her understanding of your work, and so why does her opinion matter? you can never make Aunt Janet happy.

so whenever i think, "i'm not good enough," i ask myself, says who? Aunt Janet says who. and Aunt Janet doesn't know jackshit.

now let's look at the other side of the spectrum: the very opposite of Aunt Janet, the reader who just gets you, gets what you're doing, and loves it. i call this person the Ideal Reader. they're in awe of everything you write. they read your work and leave dozens of keysmash comments in the margins. they can't wait to see what you write next.

Aunt Janet doesn't exist and Ideal Reader doesn't exist either, but in the same way you can define Aunt Janet's tastes by reasons she would hate your work, you can define the Ideal Reader by the reasons they would love it.

Ideal Reader is exceptionally well-read in your genre. they know all the tropes and expectations. they know what authors your work is in conversation with. they have an intimate understanding of where your work belongs and the frame of reference necessary to understand the context of your work. all writing has context; when we dislike something, it's usually because we don't understand its context, and if we were to understand it, it may not be for us, but we can at least understand the kind of person who values it. we can fathom its Ideal Reader and avoid becoming Aunt Janets ourselves by acknowledging that every piece of writing can be loved.

whenever you dismiss an idea as ridiculous or stupid, Ideal Reader is there going, "no, wait, i want to read that." when you can't take your work seriously, Ideal Reader is shaking you by the shoulders saying, "it's serious to me."

now imagine Ideal Reader has a platform. they have authority. they're a BNF who recs your fic. they're an acquisitions editor at your dream publisher. they're a producer asking to buy the rights to your manuscript. imagine Ideal Reader is someone who can champion your work and take it to its highest possible place.

Ideal Reader has been in the business a long time. Ideal Reader is confident and doesn't take shit from anybody. Ideal Reader stands up for what they believe in.

imagine bringing Ideal Reader to a party and introducing them to Aunt Janet. Aunt Janet immediately tries to belittle Ideal Reader: "so you publish books, so what, who cares about books?" "so you have a million followers. why don't you do something real with your time?" "you're a producer? go to med school and do something meaningful."

Ideal Reader is amused by Aunt Janet and her gross misperceptions. but then Aunt Janet goes after your work, and that is too far. Ideal Reader points at Aunt Janet and goes, "you have no idea what you're talking about." and they proceed to list off all the things they value about your work.

imagine the things Ideal Reader would say to Aunt Janet, and write out that list.

that list is your value. it's what you're giving to your community when you share your work. it's why you write.

the sad truth is that you'll encounter far more Aunt Janets than you ever will Ideal Readers. sometimes Aunt Janets are actually very knowledgeable and still demean your work, but it's because they're jaded and insecure and maybe a little pretentious. that's okay. your Ideal Readers, or the people closest to it, are the only ones who matter.

i had trouble fathoming the Ideal Reader for a long time until i published my first story and the editor went wild over it. it was the first time someone i didn't even know read my work and saw merit in it, all on its own. i once got into a pretty prestigious residency and it honestly kind of baffled me, until i got there and found out the woman who ran it was a fangirl. when i workshop a story, usually only one or two people in the group will Get It. the rest will try and they'll mean well, but ultimately they're coming at it from a different context and different personal tastes, and that doesn't mean the work is bad, but that they're not my audience. when my agent offered to sign me, she wrote me this long, lovely email about how much she loved my manuscript, and she appreciated the same things i appreciated about it. becoming a successful writer, however you measure success, isn't about being Good. Good Writing is a myth. there's only the stubborn insistence of staying true to yourself, and the long journey of putting your work in the hands of people you hope are Ideal Readers.

there will always be people out there who will understand your work and champion it. there are people whose personal tastes align exactly with yours. but you'll never be able to find those people if you don't write the ideas that are dearest to you and share them with the world.

#writing advice #the ideal reader also frames my approach to editing but that's a different essay

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wh0refornikolailantsov · 1 year

Note

Prompt: “Do you want me to leave?”

For Kaz Brekker x Reader please!!

Get Out Of Ketterdam, Damn You - Kaz Brekker

Content Warnings: Kaz's Trauma. Canon Barrel Appropriate Backstory, Threat and Violence. Not Beta/Proof Read. Unhealthy Relationship With Kaz Brekker, Like There Could Be Another Kind.

Kaz looks at the payment in front of him, your share of the last job, and he knows exactly what it means, it means you finally have everything you need to get the hell out of Ketterdam. And you should. Kaz knows you should. There is nothing for you here, nothing but bad memories and constant reminders of how everything has always been in the barrel: unfair and lonely. Nothing is given freely in the barrel, and anything good is hard to come by, and is quickly snuffed out. The barrel isn't a place for those who still have hope, and as much as Kaz wanted to keep you here, you were still full of in, despite everything. The barrel hadn't burned it out of you yet.

"You wanted to see me?" you ask. Kaz flickers his eyes up to meet yours but quickly looks back down to some papers he is arranging. You didn't spend much time in the slat. It never really felt like somewhere you could be be, you always felt just outside of it, like you needed to be invited in.

"Your free," is all Kaz says, waving a hand absently at the table. He wants this over, he wants you to take what is yours and leave and never look back. He cannot have this take too long, he is finding this hard enough.

"I'm free?" you ask.

"You got your justice, you have your money, you belong to nothing and no one," Kaz says, "free to leave Ketterdam, isn't that what you wanted?"

"Oh, right," you nod, thinking it over. Kaz won't look at you, and you hate that feeling, like he isn't trying to send you away to never return, like this is just some other business interaction. You guess, to him it is. “Do you want me to leave?”

He didn't expect you to ask him that. No. His mind screaming at him, no he didn't want you to leave. He wanted you to stay. He wanted you to always be this close. Within reach without needing to reach for you. He wants what he wants to matter, to be more than this childish desires he thought he had boxed away in the years it took for him to get to where he is now. He wanted to not want you. He wanted to want you to leave. He wanted to not have to want to want you to leave. His feelings wrapped in more feeling felt like they started to choke him and he clears his throat.

"I will not ask you to stay," he says. It's true. He won't. He couldn't. He couldn't ask you to stay when he knows you would for him. When he knows that he cannot give you a reason to. He cannot be enough of a reason to stay. He cannot ask that of you.

"That's not what I asked," you say calmly. You know Kaz Brekker is not an easy man. He is as far away from convenient as you can imagine. Of all the things you've wanted in spite of how badly they treat you, Kaz may be the top of the list. But he is like the last piece of chocolate, or that one extra shot of kvas. You tell yourself you shouldn't go for it, that you know you'll only feel worse, that its not going to fix you, it's not going to make you feel better. It'll probably make you feel worse. It always makes you feel worse. But you never are strong enough to stop yourself.

You once looked at Jesper, placing another bet he should not place at a table he was losing at badly, and you wondered for a moment why he couldn't just walk away. Then you'd seen Kaz watching the game and you understood entirely.

"Do you want me to leave?" You ask.

"I want you to be so far away from the barrel, I want you to have a life somewhere better than Ketterdam, I want better for you," Kaz says, each word having to be dragged out of him, his voice tight and strained.

"But do you want me to leave?" You ask, the need to hear him say it apparent in your tone. His eyes meet yours and that killer, that shark, stare down death, look that you have gotten so used to seeing is nowhere to be found. You don't recognise him, he isn't Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, Bastard of The Barrel as he looks at you now, he is someone entirely different, someone you've never truly seen.

Kaz knows if he tells you he doesn't want you to leave, you never will. You will stay in Ketterdam. You will stay in the barrel. You will stay with him, beside him, always at this distance, until the barrel claims you both. He knows now is the time to lie, to tell you that he wants you gone. To make you leave while you can. To make you choose yourself. To make you finally put yourself above him. He who has done nothing to deserve the fealty you've shown him. He who is not capable of having the life you are steps away from taking for yourself. He is broken, he is not even sure he is entirely human. And he has stopped trying to convince himself that he could mould himself into something that resembles a better man. He cannot fix himself, and he will not ask you to try. But you are not broken, you are not beyond repair and you can be free. All he has to do is lie to you.

Kaz Brekker has told enough lies in his life, pulled off much less convincing falsities, this simple mistruth should be no harder than than a single breath, but Saints he has never found it harder to breathe than right now.

One lie, and you're free, and you can have everything you deserve, everything better than the barrel has to offer, everything better than he has to offer.

One lie and you can have everything, except the truth.

Everything except him, but he was something you could never truly have anyway, a truth you both know too well.

"Kaz," your voice cracks as you say his name. Your eyes are pleading with him, begging him to not make you ask again. But you do anyway. "Do you want me to leave?"

Kaz could do this one thing, this one... selfless thing. For you. He could do it.

But he doesn't. "No," he says, "I don't want you... to leave."

♡ Tag as requested: @the-girl-in-the-shadows ♡

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #six of crows #kaz brekker #kaz being kaz #kazzle dazzle #kaz brekker x reader #kaz x reader #kaz brekker x y/n

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whereserpentswalk · 4 months

Text

You're the daughter of a nobleman living on a remote frontier world. You're at the edge of human and alien space, doomed never too see any of the great nations and planets of humanity. But the king of your planet is part of a powerful religion, and you sometimes get inner world technology that you otherwise wouldn't that way.

Because you're attending university in the city, away from the peace of your father's palace, in a city where even aliens and robots can be commonplace, your father got the church to send a guardian to protect you. You're a bit disturbed by the idea, but it's probably the most alone you'll ever be allowed to be in the city.

The guardian is a human enhanced with technology to be the perfect soldier. She's tall, slender but muscular, and vaugly masculine at least compared to the women you're used to seeing in your father's palace. She would have been kind of attractive if she was fully human, but you're reminded that she's meant as a tool to protect you, her body has bits of machinery sticking out of it, and her eyesballs were replaced with deep red robotic eyes with black edges instead of white ones. She always wears a suit of black power armor with holy symbols on it, you don't think she's allowed any other clothing.

She's submissive to you the way a gaurd dog is submissive. She obeys basically any order you give her other than to go away. It's weird how dehumanized she is despite her mostly human body, her face doesn't even emote, it's just this blank expression, with these wide paranoid eyes. It's hard to explain her to any freinds you meet at school, why there's this kind of creepy pale figure in black armor always standing over you.

As time goes on you do start to apricate her more and more. She's not like other servents, when you tell her to turn around she does, when you tell her to stand back she does, and she never asks to do anything you don't ask for. There's been a few times when you've needed her protection, useally just from catcallers, but there is worse you've needed help from, you're still nobility, and all your father's rivals would still be happy to see you dead.

As time goes I'm you start to talk to her more. Despite not expressing emotions she still has them. It starts just with her helping you in school because she's technically been to all your classes. But soon you just start talking about the subjects, she's actually surprisingly smart, and very curious about things that she never had a chance to learn about before. Once she's comfortable talking to you she starts asking about things. Eventually you start showing her shows you like, and reading stories to her, because it feels like she never had a chance to do those things before. Despite how powerful she is there's something very innocent about her, she's paranoid, but when she's comfortable she's excited to learn new things.

Eventually when you're more comfortable talking about your pasts she tells you she was captured as a child by the church during a war between the church and its enemies, she was strong, and obeyed threats well, so they turned her into what she is now so that she could be useful. It's been a long time since that, her body doesn't age anymore, she barely knows how it feels to still be human. You decide to start praising her more, and telling her how nice she looks, and how lovely she is, though her face doesn't emote she seems to really enjoy it. You start petting her head and cuddling with her. And even though she's taller than you you let her rest in your arms. You don't think she's ever gotten that kind of affection, it's really nice for her to finally have that, to be loved just for existing. If she could still cry, you think she would have when you held her, and when you called her lovely.

Things slowly chance. You find yourself talking to her more, and thinking of her as more of a human. Eventually you start sleeping in the same bed together, and you're ok with seeing eachother naked. She doesn't have genitals or breasts anymore, the church doesn't like it's little fighting dolls to have any parts they consider lewd, but she likes cuddling you naked, and her willingness to serve you includes giving you pleasure, even if you could never do the same for her. Despite how inhuman she is, there's something beautiful about her body, and something comforting about slowing rubbing her with your hands, and gently feeling the bits of machine that come out of her skin.

No priest would marry you, and no law would even see her as anything but your property. But when you look out from your apartment window at the city lights below, and the flare of starships above, it feels as if you were ment to be there together.

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strawberry-cowmilk · 2 years

Text

the brothers when mc gets reminded of their previous bad breakup

-> brothers x mc

-> mc acts 'off' and the brothers find out it's because they got reminded of their ex

mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read

content warnings: angst, mc used to be in a bad relationship before the brothers, insecurity, mentions of fighting, self deprecation, yea the relationships with the brothers aren't flawless either

-----

Lucifer

lucifer was pretty buried in work at the moment, so it took him a while to realise something was up with you

the reason wasn't something he was expecting, but he doesn't doubt your love towards him, we all think about the nasty past sometimes, right?

lucifer's worried he triggered this, so he works a little less and gets more protective over you, partly because he wants you to feel better and partly because he can't help but feel uneasy you're thinking about an ex

Mammon

'yo, human, you haven't answered my texts in ages, you okay in there?' mammon calls to you through the bedroom door

mammon was shocked when you explained why you weren't feeling well, sure you're with him now but do you love him back the way he loves you? the questions swarm his mind

the last thing he wants to do is withdraw himself from you, but your relationship's definitely a bit awkward for a while (also if he sees your ex its on sight)

Leviathan

why did you coop yourself up in your room? have you finally gotten tired of him? levi knew the day would come

when he finds out the reason you've been acting off, it's levi's turn to coop himself up in his room, his mind is screaming at him about how you hate him and want to go back to your ex

it takes a lot of convincing to get him to believe you actually love him, you were just reliving bad memories

Satan

he knew your ex was pretty horrible, and he kind of lets your feelings ebb away on their own, he trusts you can deal with them yourself

or is he telling himself that because he knows he won't be able to contain his anger once he talks about it with you? because he knows he won't be able to stop himself from tracking your ex down and teaching them a lesson?

to be honest, satan wonders why you're with him

Asmodeus

oh no, is this the thing where you had an ex who treated you like garbage but you still convinced yourself you loved them because they gave you attention even though nothing about the relationship was okay? because he's been there

and therefore he knows what it feels like too, regardless of whether your situation matches his, asmo will perform actions that scream 'love me, love me' for a good few weeks

he doesn't want you to leave him

Beelzebub

actually, he's the brother who's the least 'insecure' about the current situation

like, beel knows you love him, and apart from accidentally eating your sandwich last week, he's never purposefully done something wrong

beel just wants you to feel better as soon as possible, he'll try his best to cheer you up even when comforting isn't exactly his talent

Belphegor

he knew something was wrong when you started taking naps with him more frequent than usual

and when he finds out what's been bothering you, belphie will cling to your side almost 24/7, because deep down inside he's scared you'll leave him even thougj his fear is irrational

you're gonna need to have a good talk with him, hogging your personal space isn't a great solution to his fears and the situation in general

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itsgrimeytime · 1 year

Text

Magnolia in May (Part Seven) || Rick Grimes (TWD) x Greene!f!reader Regency AU

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

Taglist: @loliakeoghan23 @belaballs

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration (in honor of Speak Now Taylor's Version): Enchanted by Taylor Swift.

Summary: Your town was small, not the smallest you knew, but anyone of high fortune was the gossip of the week. Predictably, Richard Grimes was a thing of whispers -rumors of a search for marriage among the grassy hills. You weren't one to buy into town gossip, but something about him... just seemed a little too intriguing.

TWS: kinda anti-Lori, misunderstandings, a marriage of convenience, and mentions of loneliness.

[[A/N: girllllll, not another Magnolia in May chapter!!! Whoops. And actually tagging bestie @imaginemyfavoritefics properly this time, bc I did use the idea of Daryl as the courier. Unrelated but this gif of him clenching his jaw... girl. Thanks for reading !! ]]

You'd taken to writing letters -the gentle swish of your quill was calming the storm of your mind. Originally, you had garnered a sort of cold from the walk in the rain and had to heal -now, you'd stayed holed up of your own accord.

'Nonsense, darling,' Headmistress had said, fluffing up your pillows, '-you must heal from a broken heart like any other wound.'

It was fewer letters and more of a sort of journal -only for your eyes to see but sometimes addressed to someone other than yourself. It started simply with one occasionally to Maggie to make her smile, or Beth to tell her things you'd learned so she wouldn't have to, or to remind Father to eat a meal when he'd been so focused on a patient that he'd neglect himself. But then, Mr. Grimes started appearing at the header.

You couldn't remember the first time it had happened, days rather blurred after that day -especially since you were treated shortly after. And rest was all you'd really gotten then, it made the passage of time blurry.

But it became something you were rather dependent on.

'Mr. Grimes,' you wrote in the first of its kind, quill rather fluid at this stage.

'I met your wife, Lori. She's a wonderful woman, kind and perfectly poised. I would, in a different life, maybe be friends with her -seems the type to be good company. Was it always her?

You've got something special, a family with beautiful children. It's every man's dream, is it not? You were my dream. I find it a bit hard to believe she would leave that dream behind. For what is more powerful than one's love for their child? I suppose there were other circumstances that I shall never be aware of. I would've liked to have known why. I understand it's a rather personal thing, but I should be urged to hear something of the full story. I might deserve it.

But I suppose you deserve a full family more. Carl and Judith do. I wouldn't fit in. I would love the best for them, despite not having known Carl, he seems a bright boy. Deserves much of the best in life, I'd garner all children do.

I often wonder if I am to have children. I suppose I could ask you for advice one day, if so. But there's something in me that speaks differently. Like that path with you is gone. Maybe I should run off to the city and write away, become focused on my education. Pay for my father's living, and house my sister's 'til they're wed.

I don't think I could, with good conscience, leave Alexandria. I'm far too fond of the people the town, its where I grew up. And I suppose, to keep my father's clinic running under the family name I may marry. I'm not too sure that I'd marry for love, per say. Can you begin the fall in love more than once? Is it possible? And furthermore, although it is something I wish for, I'm not sure that I would like to bring children into a loveless marriage.

This is getting far too detailed of my own troubles, and for that I apologize.

I truly wish your family well. Even if there's no room for me.

Yours Sincerely,

Y/N Greene'

It was a positive experience, mostly. The smearing on that letter particularly wasn't of cathartic tears. Not quite a release of the emotions dying so tightly within your soul, it was rather grief. Loss of a life that you'd never have. Despite it being the one you desperately wanted.

You sighed, stashing away the paper with the other ones -the second desk drawer to the right, under the math textbook that had been gathering dust even before you were born.

Sure, it messed your hands, but you found it was a small price to be paid for secrecy.

"Y/N, dearest," your Headmistress hummed -voice pounding up the stairs, "-get dressed and meet me at the door in 10, will you?"

"Yes, Headmistress," you echoed, off to your feet and only touching up ever-so-slightly by the mirror. And in your rush, maybe you had forgotten to shut the drawer -you couldn't know now. It stayed open, and the telling corner of dustless papers under a dusty book was certainly one to ponder over.

At least for someone, it was.

You wouldn't know what had occurred until a few weeks later, as you sorted out your joint closet with Maggie. Gathering bows and ribbons, and straightening dresses, was a wonderful way to pass time -since your newest book was seeming to be tucked away in the carriage. You truly could not find it anywhere-

And then, there was a knock at the door.

Now, normally, this was of no notice -either for Maggie (who had gone on frequent outings with Mr. Rhee since the ball) or Father (ranging anywhere from an old friend to an urgent patient). But this was one to put a pause in your mind.

Maggie was, in fact, out -you remembered the shimmer of the carriage as it pulled away, and Father was rushed off for an emergency. And even further, Headmistress and Beth had gone out to a sort of gathering -some sort of tea party, you'd assumed. (They'd invited you, but you'd truly not wished to hear the gossip. Especially not now.)

You stilled, you were alone here then.

Well, you considered -making your way down the steps, -could be a sort of delivery. Ms. Elisa did frequently speak with friends out of town -often through letters. And Father always had an extra copy of cases delivered to his home -so he could think properly on an issue.

Satisfied with that, you approached the door with newfound confidence -fear that had stubbornly stuck there was unfounded. You twisted a bit of fabric in your dress, just to do something with your hands before swinging open the door.

And, it was a familiar face. Not one you had a name to, but one you knew -the courier.

"Ms. Greene," he spoke, his voice gruff and tired, much less peppy than you'd seen him before, "-I assume?"

"Yes," you answered cautiously, "-I'm the eldest Ms. Greene, why? If you're looking for Maggie-"

"No," he answered, simply, long hair moving with the motion of his head, "-Mr. Grimes requested this be given to you, the eldest."

"I can't acce-" you started but fell shut as a letter was extended to you -two letters. One a familiar sort of coffee-tinged brown -paper old and weary, you could hardly believe the quill hadn't punctured right through really. And the other, neatly folded, a pristine sort of ivory, and dark ink that somehow didn't seem to smudge at all. On the side that was exposed to you was written: Ms. Y/N Greene, in handwriting you recognized.

The one that had scribbled across the invitation so long ago-

"Who are you?" you questioned -eagerly bringing the letters close to your chest, "-And how did you get my letter? Have you been in my home-"

"Ms. Greene," he spoke -composed and calm, unmoved by your pressing questions, "-they were presented to me to mail weeks ago."

You froze, something heavy dropping in your stomach, "They? How... How many letters were you given to post?"

"A stack, no more than 10," he responded, "-the youngest Ms. Greene, opened the door for me once to deliver an invitation. The same one I 'ave been for weeks- It ain't relevant, really. She knew where I came from, and requested I bring 'em to Mr. Grimes immediately."

You paused, "An invitation?"

"More like a summonin'," he clarified, rather poised but still somewhat a bit casual, "-it's always the same request for you, the eldest, to attend to the Grimes estate."

"What?"

He paused, "It's supposed to be brought to ya, upon retrieval but... I'd guess it hasn't."

"You've-" you exhaled -a deep uncertain exhale, "-Just how long have you been delivering these?"

"Lost count."

"And-" you stuttered, a bit overwhelmed, "-and the letters, my letters they-"

"I put 'em in his hand, myself," he spoke -an ordered sort of discipline heavy in his tone with a dose of familiar twang.

"Right," you swallowed -pushing down the nerves biting up your throat at such rampant pace, he was never to see those, "-and who are you exactly?"

"Grimes estate courier," he grumbled out, a some of bitterness gathered there.

"No, no," you quirked a brow at him, "-your name? I figured as much otherwise."

He answered, rather improperly -as if he was trained in some ways and ignorant in others just slightly, "-Daryl Dixon."

"Mr. Dixon," you echoed, a sort of curiosity in your tone, "-you said he received the full stack, did he not?"

He merely nodded.

"Well, why do I only have one, then?"

The man pondered it for a second, loosely eyeing the way you held the letters like he knew what they contained (maybe he did), "I suppose he ain't done replyin' to the others."

The rest of the interaction was fairly polite, mere questions about his work -to which he complained quite vividly about the extent of it, but never shred a wrong light on Mr. Grimes. You'd gathered they were well-acquainted, even perhaps friends from youth, but you couldn't exactly pinpoint it. He didn't say anything directly, and was rather quiet around details. Well, details pertaining to Mr. Grimes, you supposed.

You'd initially wanted to search for the invitations he spoke of, but something bigger was biting you.

Your hands were quick to rush to the drawer, pulling it open -to suddenly believe it was not real. To prove that all of this was a farce, that the letters were still safely kept. But, when you opened it, you could tell.

Even still, you pushed forward holding up the book, peering underneath. It was empty, extraordinarily empty.

"No, no, no-" you urged, heart sinking to the bottom of your stomach -heavy, "-it can't be..."

Private pieces of you, of your sadness, your longing- Sent to the married man of the header.

And just back as you pushed back in your chair, the brush of tears only a breath away -your eyes caught on the letter.

It was not yours.

Yours sat just beside it, you recognized it to be the first one -all sort of crumpled and agonizingly smudged. All conflicted feelings and harsh realities buzzing under your skin. You'd written it partially under the delirium of your illness, so it was rather brash but you'd never thought you'd need to worry about it. The only thing different was how it was presented.

You remember hastily shoving it away, between book covers, under table legs, hidden in the dirt of the garden, as you tried to find a good place to stash them. You'd always been so quick to put them away, to get out the feelings and move on-

Looking at it now, though, the worn paper was smoothed out (to the best it could be) and perfectly folded. Each corner matched to another and creases were indented lightly so as to not damage the written word. It was treated as precious. Something... Something he'd rather cared for.

Something told you then to get rid of it, to throw it onto the fire when no one was looking, to stash it away, to never read it no matter the cost because you were doing the right thing and should not be swayed-

But another part of you was dreadfully curious. And dreadfully grieving the loss of a man who still lived.

It was your mail, a letter addressed to you. Wouldn't it be rather rude to not read it? If you hadn't wished the first one to be mailed, you retorted, then no.

And yet, you found yourself picking up the note with the gentlest of graces. Carefully unfolding the thick paper, slowly, timidly, like the words would jump off the page. Like they could hurt you.

You supposed they could.

Once fully opened, you didn't directly focus on the words -instead, detailing the printed bits around the top edges. It looked as though this was an official sort of paper -the same kind an invitation may be extended to. As well as a family seal printed into the bottom right corner, it seemed a little formal for the occasion but you found it didn't bother you. Not really.

Taking a deep breath, you blinked your eyes -wishing to calm your heart, even just for a moment, and started reading.

'Ms. Greene,' it started, letters crisply written in a thin but precise sort of writing. Your finger naturally went to trace over them, dotting the i's and swirling the g's.

'I must first say that it's to my understanding that these letters are rather personal to you. You weren't the one who intended to mail them, I've come to know. I know that this then, by proxy, is a large invasion of your privacy.

And I can only hope you forgive me for such a thing. Because this is my sort of last resort to reach you. I'm sure you're familiar with the invitations that have flooded your door, and although, I understand the no response for what you know, I've become quite desperate.

To be completely clear, I was nearly on my horse to your home the morning these letters arrived. To explain everything as you deserve it to be explained.

I instead am here, writing letters. I cannot tell if that's any sort of better than my original plan was but it is the decision I chose.

In terms of Lori, the situation is rather complicated. Surely, at the young age we married, she was the plan. I'd honestly not given thought to the fact that she'd ever come back. I knew her reasons, and I fully doubted I'd ever see her again. And out of respect for you, I wish for the full story to be in person.

Despite all that, I truly wished she would. I know I did. If not only to see our children, to grace me with some sort of company.

I lived a rather lonely life before you Ms. Greene. Which may seem a bit arbitrary coming from a man with a staff, but it doesn't make it any less the truth. When she left, it was quite the scandal. I never spoke a word on it, too devastated to even imagine what to say. It meant much more reclusion, even from friends I knew from youth. And then, as I'm sure you're familiar, I decided to move back to Alexandria. Atlanta only harbored negative things, and I wished for someplace more pleasant. And it was, but still despite it all, the loneliness persisted.

So this family, this full family, you speak of, it's not what Lori and I would be. It wasn't what we were when we were married. I love my children, beyond belief, but I was still lonely. And I can't imagine a full family has a lonely father.

Frankly, Ms. Greene, I was lonely until that day in the marketplace.

And on the off chance you don't understand what I mean, I ask, from the depths of my heart, don't leave Alexandria.

Yours,

Richard Grimes'

#rick grimes #rick grimes x reader #its griming time #stuff n' thangs #rick grimes x you #rick grimes x y/n #ricky dicky doo dah grimes #twd #twd rick #rick grimes x y/n fanfiction #rick grimes oneshot #magnolia in may #narrative letters ??? drama

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