#like do we think bruce got used to a partner capable of that kinda move and then struggled to replicate that success later

[mysterycitrus]

i wish we got to see the quad actually used in combat more like. it generates a truly absurd amount of force against opponents. bruce is throwing batarangs around willy nilly and dick is turning himself into a sports car and ramming people off their feet in the bg

[stressedoutcanary]

Family Matters - Batfamily x Reader

Summary: A surprise birthday party and Batfamily being chaotic.

“That's it Dick just a little to the right...No the other right...No! Not there you goofus! Just...Just get down from the chandelier before it comes crashing down on the rest of us and For God's Sake let Duke handle the ribbons before you somehow strangle yourself with them”

Warnings ⚠️: Fluff, lots of it, angst because I can’t help myself, Reader has got some parental issues. Hurt/Comfort.

Word count: 2.4k

A/N: I wanted some good dad Bruce content so I did it myself. Also I might have been influenced by a post I made a while back about Bruce and his children. I haven't used reader's pronouns anywhere so it's kinda gender neutral.

I don’t know where I was going with this, my imagines are often like a train derailed from its track but I think it’s fine. So Enjoy ;)  

•°•°•°•°

"Focus (Y/S/N), don't jump in in blind, assessing what action your opponent is about to undertake and countering it out before they can complete that action, this is the key lesson for you today", Batman's commanding voice echoed in the enclosed area of the batcave as he observed you attempting to roundhouse kick the boy in front of you. It was rather rashly executed with the hope of knocking him down which, for obvious reasons, only ended up with your leg connecting with nothing but thin air.

'Damn he is fast when he actually tries.'

"Easy for you to say Old Man! You aren't the one dancing with Mister Duckboy, the teen wonder over here!", you exclaimed, panting as your chest heaved from the exertion.

"Duckboy?!", Tim looked near scandalized as you grinned in return, stealing a glance towards the giggling crowd gathered near the stairs.

Everyone was already in the cave, it was a rare occurrence, it happened only when the issues of upmost importance were being discussed. Today was one of those days; The planning of Alfred Pennyworth's surprise birthday party.

However things usually went a lot less violent, this day every year. The sparring session this year was the result of you messing up, real bad while on patrol last night and since you were around the same age as Tim, he was found to be the most appropriate partner for it. The only drawback was that he had a staff in his hands while your weapons were confiscated, because in Bruce's words 'you rely on them too much'. You were already tired and Tim had a huge advantage over you, if you wanted to win this match you had to be quick and efficient at the same time.

Distracting Tim by your comment allowed you to have an opening, gathering all your strength you went in for a forward strike. Unfortunately he was more than ready to take you on, he crouched down, narrowly missing your punch then proceeded to swipe your legs off of the ground with his bo staff making you fall butt first on the floor.

"Congratulations you've managed to hurt both my ass and my ego, Timbers", You said laying back on the ground, hands and legs spread out and instead of helping you up, Tim joined you on the floor sitting next to you. You gave him a look that was equivalent to 'next time I get the chance, I am going to push you off a roof'.

"Your skills need improvement", Bruce said in his monotonous tone as you grunted knowing that a full ass lecture was gonna follow, but before he could get another word out, Jason chimed in with a statement no one ever expected to hear from him,"You know (Y/N), he's not wrong in fact I think the old man's actually got a point."

Jaws dropped to floor, Tim looked like he just saw a ghost, Dick who was standing near Barbara pinched himself to see whether he was dreaming or not, Damian snapped his neck up from where he was sharpening his katana, even Titus and Ace perked their heads up at the sudden silence that settled over the place. Barbara, Cass, Duke and Steph looked equally shocked.

"Before you all get any ideas, what I'm trying to say is you better pay attention because B over here won't be able to save your ass, 'cause if you slack off the next thing you know you would be in a warehouse with a maniac, getting blown to bits", Jason looked at Bruce with accusing eyes.

'And here I thought he was finally going to say something sensible', you thought to yourself as he continued,

"Take it from someone who has had that experience, you guys remember right? The fact that I--"

"Died, we know!!", everyone groaned at the same time and Bruce looked like he had to physically restrain himself from faceplaming.

"Okay! Guys how about we go ahead and do the thing we all actually came here to do instead of... whatever this conversation was", you suggested, getting up and patting the dust off your clothes.

"Well then someone has got to ask the important question here", Barbara looked around as she worded her sentence,"who is going to be the one to keep Alfred busy while we get everything ready?"

Once again the cave went silent. For a whole bunch of detectives, you all were very, very scared of Alfred, including Bruce even though he will never admit it, lying to The old-butler-cum-grandpa and making random excuses for the whole 3 hours was a thought dreadful enough to make all of you exchange petrified glances at each other hoping someone would step forward to do the job.

"I'll do it", dick raised his hand.

"NO!", everyone snapped and Dick's head tilted with a pout.

"You are good at doing a lot of stuff boy wonder, hiding things from Alfred isn't one of them", Barbara comforted Dick as Damian stepped up next.

"*tt* Since none of you imbeciles have the courage or the ability to do it. I shall be the one to handle Pennyworth. Gordon, Cain and Titus, I will require your assistance", Damian spoke or rather commanded as he went up the stairs, followed by the group he chose.

"Don't mess this up for us, you gremlin!"

"Tim!", you lightly jabbed him in the side with your elbow.

"Ow! What?"

"Be nice", you narrowed your eyes and he understood you were being serious.

"Fine I'll try, but don't blame me if he starts something", Tim shrugged carelessly. You shook your head and let out an audible sigh as you followed everyone else up towards the manor.

•°•°

"That's it Dick just a little to the right...No the other right...No! Not there you goofus! Just...Just get down from the chandelier before it comes crashing down on the rest of us and For God's Sake let Duke handle the ribbons before you somehow strangle yourself with them", you eyed him worriedly.

"Oh come (Y/N) it'll be fine!", the cheerfulness in his voice made you cock an eyebrow at him from below. Duke slid in beside you.

"10 bucks says he will somehow fall within the next hour"

"Oh Duke you should know better, 20 says he'll fall within 30 minutes", you turned towards him with an evil smile.

"What are you both talking about down there?"

"NOTHING!", you both said in unison on which Dick gave you a confused look.

"Oh Hey look Steph needs my help with the cake so, see ya!", you quickly moved to the other side of the room checking in with Stephanie and Tim. She gave you a thumbs up to signal that everything was going according to plan and the place was almost ready. Everyone was laughing, bickering, having fun, it was all very rare and seeing it, a warm feeling spread throughout you.

You smiled to yourself for a moment but it faltered and a frown pulled up at your lips, a sorrowful thought crossed your mind, something you always kept buried deep down. Looking around and seeing as nobody needed your help at the moment you decided to slip out of the chaos, taking slow steps towards the patio to clear your head.

•°•°

Leaning against the railing you thought back to how you left your house this morning telling your mother that you are going to stay at your friend's place for a while and how she just waved her hand at that, not even questioning you anymore. Your mind was completely elsewhere, despite the awe-inspiring dense forest right in front of you, your eyes were lost in space.

You registered, a bit too late, the presence of someone standing beside you.

"It is a nice view, but something tells me that's not what brought to out here, away from everyone else"

"Careful there Brucie or people might think that you are actually capable of some emotions which happen include caring for people", you retorted back at him. It was always a sort of defense mechanism for you, whenever you felt exposed you countered it with snarky remark.

You closed your eyes hoping that Bruce would just walk away. But he didn't. He stayed there.

Bruce leaned on the railing beside you and waited. You took a deep breath, contemplating you next move carefully.

"...Look It's really silly so can we drop it?", you whispered wondering why in the world would Bruce of all people, care about your feelings.

"Talk to me (Y/N). I can tell when something is bothering you, I may not be your father, but you are my family.", unlike usual, his voice was gentle and genuine when he spoke to you.

"I am really not a fan of surprise birthdays", you stated, starting off vaguely.

"And why is that?"

"Because I...It's silly but this one time I spent a whole week working on a birthday gift for my mom, it was like a craft pop up box which had multiple photos of us together, I made that from scratch! everything in it I made that, I worked hard for it, I did it out of love but when I gave her that surprise gift you know what she said Bruce! She said that I wasted my time that she would've been much happier if I had focused on my studies, she never even once said that she liked it and I--", you looked at him with tears brimming in your eyes, threatening to spill.

"I don't know Bruce, it-it just makes me feel sad you know? every little thing reminds me that my mother doesn’t seem to love me anymore. There is this constant thought in my mind that no one cares about me, about what I do for them and I don’t know what to do with a thought like that."

"That's not true, look around you kiddo, you are surrounded by people who would do anything for you, who love you from the bottom of their hearts", Bruce finally looked at you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"That's the thing! I am not an orphan!", you blurted out and Bruce looked more confused than ever.

"I'm aware"

"No! No you are not. I am not one of those kids you picked up from somewhere, I don't live here, Like I am sure you people aren't even sane, hell! you all make up the most dysfunctional family I have ever seen! I don’t belong here, you people have no reason to care about", Bruce gave you a sideways look, slightly chuckling at your sudden description of the people in the manor.

"But I still love everyone, my mom, you, every dumbass inside the manor right now, no matter much pain they cause me and I don't get why", this time when he looked at you, you didn't look like the vigilante who sucker punched The Riddler in the face last night, you looked like a scared little kid who is lost.

Bruce stood up straight and wrapped you in a hug. Something you never expected to happen in a million years. The shocked settled in after a bit and you wrapped your hands around him, burying your face in his chest.

"The people we love are still people at the end of the day. They act out, and sometimes they let us down, hurt us even, but that doesn't mean we stop loving them. For every bad memory, there will always be a good one that will get you through it. I promise you that (Y/N)", Bruce pulled away and gave you a warm smile. You couldn't help but smile back, your face matching his.

"Okay who are you and what have you done with Bruce Wayne? because I don't recognize this man who is full of emotions and on top of that, is giving free hugs right now", you broke into a grin, making Bruce's face go back to the stoic version.

"If you tell anyone, I will deny it"

"Sure you will"

Suddenly a clattering sound came from the hall, alerting you both. This, however, was followed by a 'I'm okay!' By the one Dick Grayson, which in turn was followed by Duke's 'Oh no!'

"Any idea what that was about?", Bruce inquired raising an eyebrow as you burst out laughing.

"That, you big softie, was the sound of me getting my 20 dollars, now let's get back before they destroy everything."

•°•°

You and Bruce entered back into the hall, everyone was gathered around waiting for Damian and his group to signal the beloved butler's arrival. You stood next to Tim as Jason moved towards the switches to turn off the lights.

"Okay I'll bite why are you covered in frosting before the party even started?"

"Steph", Tim replied, too tired to elaborate, leaving you giggling.

Barbara, Cass and Damian rushed through the door, looking close to terrified, with Titus tagging along.

"He is here, HIDE!", Damian said quickly closing the doors.

After a few moments, the door creaked open and Alfred's voice came through, "Master Damian, you and I will have words for what you did to-- Oh my", he was stuck to his position at the door, too shocked to say anything more after looking at the decorations and bunch gathered around an enormous cake.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALFRED!!", you all exclaimed with extreme excitement.

As the party went on you noticed that there was, in fact, a broken chandelier broomed to the side, later on there were a few not-at-all-safe stunts performed by the boys, some really bad puns made by Dick, all sorts of shenanigans by the others and cake, lots of cake. You looked around, everyone was busy doing something but now you knew Bruce was right:

You have one hell of a family, original, found or otherwise. And you love them all no matter what.

°•°•°•°•

Tags: @thesesickfics-justmakemesick

[walkingdaryls]

the chosen one

pairing: loki x reader

request: hi i was wondering if you could write a fluffy loki imagine where maybe he’s like an ass to everyone but just kinda claims the reader as like his favorite person or something and honestly you don’t even have to stick to that i’d just love a fluffy loki if you could thank you!

warnings: some swearing, very fluffy

(gotta love fluffy loki. the best loki. also, this is a bit long so i’m sorry about that hehe)

The main thing you loved about the Avengers, your lovely teammates, was the fact that each one had something that set them a part from the rest. Bruce’s buzzing brain, Tony’s ego, Nat’s confidence, and so on. You adored every single one of them.

And what they adored about you was that you were always the “empathetic” Avenger. The one who believed in second changes. In never judging a book by its cover. And the one who believed people could genuinely change for the better. Now, everyone else was also fully aware of the fact that you could easily kick anyone’s ass with your powers or wit. Or both at the same time. But your welcoming, trusting personality definitely shined. Most of your teammates loved you for it, even if they teased you endlessly for being the nice one.

But what really threw your team off was the way you allowed Loki onto the team so easily with no doubts. Years after the incident in New York with the God of Mischief, Thor began asking for Loki’s acceptance into the Avengers. He claimed that even under his sarcasm and rolling eyes, he had changed for the better. The whole team was very hesitant, but after tons of psychological evaluations and close screenings, Loki was slowly turned into an Avenger. He’d aided on plenty of missions, proving himself to be good a bit more every time. But the team still wanted to suffocate him to death every once in a while.

Loki didn’t exactly like any of the Avengers, and he felt like none of them liked him either. But a job was a job.

The only exception was you. You’d been the only one throughout his time as an Avenger that never provoked him, or looked at him in a dirty way. Well, it wasn’t like you two even had conversations. You two simply minded your own business around each other. You never trashed him, so he left you alone. Simple as that. You were never one for hating on someone who was trying to change.

It wasn’t until one night after dinner, when Tony provoked an argument with Loki, that you finally had had enough.

“Someone tell me why we let him be an Avenger again. Please?” Tony said after Loki had dramatically left the room.

Clint sighed, “I’ve been saying, he’s too risky after what he did in New York.”

The others chimed in, and even Thor expressed reluctance about his brother. You couldn’t believe your ears. So you suddenly slammed your hands on the table, causing your friends’ head to snap towards you.

“Are you guys fucking kidding me? I wasn’t aware that we were gonna start contemplating kicking people off the team every time we talk back or start a stupid argument.”

Tony crossed his arms, “That’s not what we’re doing. And it is so much more than just the arguments. Loki-“

“No!” You exclaimed, “It isn’t fair to him! It’s not fair at all. How many of us have shitty pasts we’ve moved on from? How many of us have made stupid mistakes that we will probably regret for the rest of our lives? Most likely all of us. But do we give each other horrible looks every time we see each other? No! We forgive each other and ourselves. That’s the thing about us, Tony: we stick together no matter what.”

No one said anything, so you continued, “And I’m fully aware that Loki’s mistakes are probably far worse than anything we’ve ever done, but the message still stands. I mean, how many missions has he helped us on? The amount of close security and psych evaluations he’s been through just to be part of the team? It’s been years, for fucks sake. Yes, he can be a dick to some of you sometimes, but that’s just him. It’s no reason to continue to hate his guts. Do you guys remember the mission France like 5 months ago that almost went wrong? Loki saved my life. I was this close to being killed. If he hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t be here today with you guys. So I think we owe him some thanks. Especially me.”

You were heated by that point. Everyone continued to stay completely silent, so you stood up.

“I-I’m gonna head to bed now. Just wanted to let y’all know you’re being a bit hypocritical,” And you walked away, catching just a ghost of a smile on Nat’s face.

“Jesus, I think she’s heard one too many of Steve’s speeches,” Rhodey muttered, earning a shove from Steve himself.

But what you didn’t know while you walked away, was that Loki had been standing in the other room, hearing every word you’d just said.

—

Over a week passed since your monologue at the dinner table. No one really mentioned anything about it afterwards, which you were really grateful. All you got was a random pat on the back from Steve and him saying, “We’re all proud of you, kiddo.”

You made your way into the kitchen, which was currently being used by most of your team. 9am in the tower’s kitchen on days off were always pretty hectic. Wearing your usual workout outfit, you made your way towards the mug cabinet.

You were the only one on the team that avoided coffee at all costs. Tea was your go-to. The only other person like you in that aspect was Loki. He was the kind of person you’d caught making tea at 2 in the morning when he couldn’t sleep.

As you reached for the mugs, you realized your favorite one - a minnie mouse one you’d bought at Disney World years ago - was nowhere to be seen. You were pretty sure you’d just put it away last night after helping Tony with the dishes.

“Here.”

You turned around to see Loki, still in his forest green silk robe, holding out your well-loved mug in his hand. You could smell your usual green tea steaming out of the mug.

You stood in shock more a moment before snapping out of your thoughts and taking the mug from him carefully.

“Oh, thank you,” You smiled genuinely. You could feel Nat’s gaze on you a few feet away at the waffle-maker. In fact, a few of the team members’ eyes flickered towards your interaction. Loki’s face remained neutral as he went back to making his own cup of tea.

Thor, noticing this, yawned, “Brother, could you please pour me a cup of-“

“No,” Loki walked out of the room with his tea in one hand, and book in the other. Thor’s mouth slightly fell, glancing back from the cup of tea in your hands to Loki. Steve snorted from the stool next to Thor.

What the fuck just happened? You made your way towards the gym a few floors down with confusion on your face. But mostly warmth in your heart.

The next day, Loki had your green tea waiting for you in your favorite mug once again. And you didn’t hesitate to give him your signature smile and a sweet “thank you”, even if you were a bit taken aback.

And he continued to do this for the next few days. Every morning, without fail. Green tea. Minnie Mouse mug.

At this point, Nat definitely became more aware. She pulled you aside after a while with slightly mischief in her eyes.

“Are you two friends?” She asked genuinely.

“Nat, it’s just tea.”

“Yeah, except Loki’s never even bothered to do something like that with the rest of us. Never.”

You shrugged, “He isn’t Satan. He’s capable of nice things.”

Nat chucked, “Not like this. And it’s just with you. He practically begged you have you as a partner during our last mission.”

It was true, although you wouldn’t exactly say ‘beg’. But he had been pretty adamant on having you as his partner for the mission. He’d asked you kindly first before letting Tony know. In the moment, you hadn’t thought much of it. But looking back at it, you now realized how genuine his actions had been. And you two made a hell of a team that day.

“Maybe he heard your speech that other night,” She smirked, walking away before winking at you. You stood there dumbfounded with a slight redness growing in your cheeks.

That afternoon, with your work done for the day, you made your way towards the main living room with your current book in your hands.

Upon entering the room, you should see Loki’s figure on the couch. He was slightly bent over which only meant he was probably reading as well. You hesitated, but made your way over anyways.

“Is it okay if I read here, too?” You asked quietly. Loki glanced up at you, nodding softly.

“Of course.” Was all he said. You gave him a ghost of a smile before plopping down the the other couch a few feet away. His eyes promptly followed you as you turned to the page marked by your bookmark. You began reading calming, posing no threat to him, so he continued his reading too. Loki felt quite at peace with the sun setting, your soft breathing, and his favorite book in his lap. And the best part: the rest of the Avengers were nowhere to be seen.

“What are you reading?” Your voice sounded softly. Loki placed a finger to mark where he last read before glancing up at you. You feared he’d be pissed off for the interruption, so you continued.

“I mean, I’ve seen you carry that book around for a while now. And it’s all worn out...which usually means it’s a good book,” You chuckled.

Loki watched you carefully before smirking, “Indeed. It’s called Pride and Prejudice. I’ve been told it’s a classic amongst mortals. Have you read it?”

Your face suddenly lit up. Your book was suddenly set aside as you leaned forward excitedly. Loki, although he would never admit it out loud, loved the sparkle forming in your glorious eyes.

“Yes!” You said, “Oh, it’s one of my all time favorites. The movie, too.”

Loki quirked an eyebrow, “There’s a movie? Well, I’ll have to watch that once I’m done with reading it.”

“So you like the book?”

“...Yes. I’m about three-quarters done with it. I have to say, it is rather enjoyable.”

You leaned back against the couch, gazing dreamily at the ceiling, “I’m a sucker for those kinds of romance stories. And I like to think I’m quite like Elizabeth Bennet.”

Loki squinted, “I think so, too.” You lifted your head slightly, making eye contact with the raven-haired God. The soft gaze on his face seemed to mean well, so you allowed for your cheeks to grow a light shade of red.

“Well,” You smiled, looking down at your book, “Let’s get back to reading, yeah?”

Loki nodded, but made sure to keep his eyes on your for a few seconds longer before opening to his page once more.

—

Another couple week passed, and Tony decided to call a ‘very urgent team meeting that has nothing to do with actual team stuff’.

You entered the kitchen where the rest of your teammates were sitting or standing around, chattering amongst themselves. Tony was waiting until everyone arrived before sharing what he needed to say. You slid on a stool next to Nat.

Bucky and Bruce showed up a minute or so later, which meant practically everyone was there. You looked around for the only missing person: Loki. But before you could say anything, the familiar God walked in with Tony followed a few feet behind.

“Alright,” Tony clapper his hands, “Glad we’re all here.” He walked into the kitchen where he served himself some liquor before turning to the rest of you. You felt Loki come up behind you, before situating himself right next to you.

You looked up at him, smiling softly, “Hi.”

“Hello,” He spoke extremely lowly, yet his eyes brightened just a bit more. You felt even more tiny compared to him now that you were sitting and him standing.

“So...what’s this meeting for?” Bruce asked.

“Great question,” Tony said, “I have decided that after tireless back-to-back missions these past few days...we all deserve a treat. That’s why I booked a reservation to the fanciest restaurant within a twenty minute drive. It’s at 8, so I want all of us ready to leave by 7:40.”

“God, Tony you know I hate when you plan stuff like this last minute,” Bruce stressed.

Tony shrugged, “It’s not like any of you losers had plans. Now, go get ready. You’ve all got less than two hours.”

You sighed, “The fanciest place in the city? I hope you’re paying.” A few chuckles sounded from your teammates.

“I wasn’t joking,” You looked at Tony.

The genius rolled his eyes, “Obviously I’m paying. Now, go! All of you. Shoo. Jesus, you try to do a nice thing and people still ask questions-“

Everyone groaned, getting up from their spots and leaving to their rooms to get prepared for the big night. You sent Loki a sympathic glance before going to your floor. You knew he hated going out.

So that’s how you ended up wearing your nicest white, tight-fitting dress that ended a few inches above your knee. It had a long, thick golden embellishment traveling from the bottom to your top left shoulder. It was very classy. And paired with golden heels, you truly felt otherworldly.

You, Nat, and Wanda were all up in each other’s bedrooms, trying to decide each other’s hair and makeup. Wanda was especially skilled with eyeshadow looks for some reason. And Nat more with hair. Your two blessings, you called them.

You three joined the rest of the guys in front of tower, all piling in the long, iconic Stark limo. You definitely hadn’t missed the look Loki gave you as you walked past him to get into the vehicle. He didn’t say anything, so neither did you. You just sent him your signature smile.

Champagne was passed around once in the limo with flashing lights. You were squished between Thor and Loki, which wasn’t exactly a complaint. Thor was cracking jokes to you and calling you “my lady” the entire ride. It was a blast, and you hadn’t even arrived yet. Loki on the other hand, stayed quiet as a mouse. He only said “thank you” when you passed him a glass, and that was it.

Upon arriving, your breath was almost taken away at how fancy the restaurant truly was. Tony never disappointed. Your team’s reserved table had each seat labeled with each of your names on paper.

Nobody noticed, but Loki created an illusion to switch you and Bucky’s seats so you’d be sitting next to him.

Loki allowed you to slide into your chair first before sitting down next to you. He immediately reached for the menu. Seeing that there weren’t enough left for you, you silently read over his shoulder. Without saying anything, he slightly lowered the menu to give you a better look.

Hours passed, and the entire table had fallen a bit tipsy. You were stuffed with more than enough raviolis and champagne. You even accidentally hiccuped while trying to tell a story to the rest, but everyone teased you so much for it, you couldn’t even finish what you were going to say. But how could you be mad? You were having the funniest, and most lovely night of your life with your second family. The rest of the restaurant probably hated all of your guts for your loudness and endless laughter, but none of you cared.

“I’ll be back,” Loki had whispered from beside you. You turned your head, watching him walk away towards the restaurant’s balcony doors. You looked back at your team, seeing they were all occupied with themselves, and followed Loki.

Feeling the fresh breeze outside somehow made you and your bloating feel a bit better. You spotted the familiar dark-haired man gazing out at the buzzing city at the edge of the balcony.

You sucked in a breath before speaking, “May I join you?”

He looked back, “Of course.”

It was always of course, you thought.

Your heels clattered lightly on the tile floor as you made your way next to him. You didn’t know if it was the champagne in your system, but you found yourself standing extremely close, touching shoulders with Loki. But he didn’t make any efforts to move away.

“You seemed awfully quiet during dinner. Is everything okay?” You asked.

Loki looked at his hands, “Just not the ‘going out’ type, remember?” You nodded, looking back at the skyline.

“You know, Loki,” you said, “I never properly thanked you for saving my life back in France months ago.”

You’d had a couple slip ups in missions before, but the entire team remembered that traumatic mission in France extremely well. You truly had been on the verge of dying. So close. But Loki had gotten in there and saved your ass. And Loki remembered, too. But it hurt him too much to think back on it. He’d been so close to never seeing your bright smile, or your infectious giggles again.

“Y/N, I-“

The alcohol in your system didn’t stop you from rambling, “I know I’m late, like, months late, but I just wanted you to know. I am so thankful. I literally owe you my life-“

“You don’t owe me anything, Y/N, heavens,” Loki watched you with a concerned gaze.

You blushed, “Well, I needed to get it off my chest. So, thank you Loki.”

“Well, I couldn’t afford losing the only person on this team I can somewhat stand.”

Your eyes flickered to his, seeing him wear an amused smirk on his face.

“I’m-I’m your favorite Avenger?” You teased. The God rolled his eyes.

Your smile was making your cheeks burn, “FYI...you’re my favorite, too. Well, maybe next to Nat.”

Loki let out a small, breathy laugh. You joined in, making him stare at you once more. His stare was so intense, you didn’t know what to do except awkwardly stare back.

Loki wanted more. He yearned to hear your voice again. So that’s why he said the next thing without thinking.

“You look beautiful tonight. Well, every day, of course. I forgot to tell you when you walked of your room a couple of hours ago, so I’m letting you know now.”

You were so thankful it was dark out, for you just knew that the look on your face was embarassing. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“I think you’re beautiful, too,” You blurted. Loki gave you the softest gaze you’ve ever seen, so you couldn’t help but carefully place your hand on of top his.

Loki tenderly lifted your hand before pressing his lips to the tip of your fingers. All you could do was watch, breathless. He set your hand down before grabbing both sides of your face, and pressing another soft kiss, but to your forehead this time.

“That’s why we’re each other’s favorites,” He smiles cheekily at you.

You giggled, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Indeed.”

—

[raleigh-ocean]

ashes to ashes | part 1

21. “What do you mean she’s my new partner? She tried to kill me last week!” “Sounds like a you problem.”

words: 2,228

summary: Natasha got assigned the task of making an ex-Hydra spy operative for S.H.I.E.L.D, but since the beginning she wasn’t sure if she was going to be of any help. Maybe with time she would change her mind, but from now on the only thing she wanted was to get over with this is as soon as possible.

Oh no. 

No, no, no.

Natasha couldn't believe what was she reading at the moment. Not because it was the first time seeing it, indeed she had helped with the task of filling those pages; but because she couldn't believe that Maria was doing that to her. 

The agent that gave her the files had literally ran away the second her face changed upon reading the name inside the folder. And now...she was scaring anyone off that crossed paths with her just by the way she was walking towards Maria's office.

When Natasha arrived, she didn't care that Sharon was also there, because the first thing she did was to throw at Maria the whole folder. It hit her chest, strong enough to make her wince and for the blonde woman to muffle a chuckle against the rim of her cup.

"No."

"When did I lost my position as a boss?" Maria said, trying to play it cool and leaving the whole folder over her desk. 

"I told you she wasn't going to be happy," Natasha frowned harder upon hearing Sharon lightly singsang that.

"You can't do this to me, put her with another agent or even with Barton if you want," no, she wasn't fucking having it, not in a million years. "But not me."

Maria sighed heavily at that, rubbing her hand over her eyes. She didn't need Sharon to tell her it was a bad idea, because she already knew it was, but it wasn't like she had a choice. 

How many agents did you put down only while they were trying to calm you down? They didn't have a chance, not even the most skilled - and Sharon had a reminder as two broken ribs. Only Wanda had been able to put you at ease with her powers after Steve had you on a headlock, almost choking you. At ease was the best they could do so they could move you into the compound, giving you a room...or more like a cell of some sorts.

Cell until they were sure you weren't a threat.

If someone could understand you in these times, trying to adapt to a new life, it was Natasha.

"She's your new partner, why aren't you happy with it?" Maria tried to be more cheerful, maybe making the redhead to not be that angry. "Weren't you in a 'let's make this team work' mood?"

“What do you mean she’s my new partner!?" Natasha was just now furious, way too furious to even think of any other way to get away with it. "She tried to kill me last week!” 

Yeah, that was the thing Maria was worried about. You had been sent by your old bosses to hamper an operation last week in which a part of the team were involved. Well, you had been sent to several of their missions, but it wasn't until that last one that they managed to not only get who you were but also make you...turn to their side.

If it wasn't because Natasha had fought you with her all, that last thing wouldn't had been possible. She still got some stitches from where you had shot her twice and all, which she wasn't really happy about...along the concussion from when she had hit you unconscious.

“Sounds like a you problem.” Sharon sipped at her coffee again and Maria had to hit her knee to make her shut up, because she was clearly making everything worse.

"A me problem? Maybe breaking you some more ribs would make it a you problem as well."

"I hope she gives you another concussi-"

"Enough you two!" Maria stood up, hitting the desk with both hands and making both to straighten their backs...but not changing the frowns on their faces. "It's an order, agent Romanoff. And since agent Carter has a lot to say about it too, she'll help you gladly," Natasha wanted to laugh at her friend, which looked terribly pale, but she couldn't because she was still pretty much damned. "I don't care what you two do, but I hope you have her operative soon. Now, out of my office."

When both Sharon and Natasha were, in fact, out of Maria's office, they stood there for good five solid minutes in silence trying to process that they weren't going to get away from this. And after they finally let a pained groan, Natasha was the first one to say something.

"Sandwiches from your favourite place before we die, Carter?" she didn't need to look directly at Sharon to see her nod, sighing loudly.

"And milkshakes from yours, let's call it a truce."

Three hours later, when Natasha and Sharon arrived to the Avengers compound, they were welcomed by silence all over the place. It was a rare thing and it sent Natasha into a mild wave of panic until they reach the main area, where all of the members of the team not in missions were gathered. Steve was trying to read something but for the way the book was resting over his face, he wasn't succeeding at it; Bruce was eating cereal in the counter, fumbling with his fingers over his tablet meanwhile; and then Clint appeared in scene, fresh out of the shower, spotting them with a huge grin on.

"Let me guess, are you home early because of our new roommate?" Natasha rolled her eyes, because it was such a Clint thing to act like that. "We should order take out tonight then, let's have some half family gathering!"

"As if we weren't going to get murder before we get to the spring rolls," she couldn't help but sigh deeply at that, pinching the bridge of her nose, before gathering her thoughts enough to say the next words. "We got assigned our murderous new team member until she's well enough to be an active part of...well, the team."

"How was she today?" Sharon always tried to get straight to the point and, to be completely honest, Natasha kinda thanked that she was going to be around for the time being just for that. At least it wouldn't let the rest wander around while talking. "The reports said you were having troubles."

At that Clint scratched his ear a bit, gathering his own thoughts for a moment before motioning them to follow him. Natasha didn't know if it was actually a good thing that Clint didn't voice his opinion out loud, so while they followed him through corridors and corridors until they arrived to where your 'quarters' where, the only thing she did was to get contingency plans in case something was worse than she thought.

When she had left in the morning, she didn't pay attention to you at all, not even how Bruce complained that you weren't eating or even when Clint told the rest that you weren't willing to talk back to him neither. Maybe it was because you weren't her problem until that same morning, or maybe it was because you reminded her of things from the past, who knows. 

Once they stood in front of the big window that separated the rest from you, there was something inside Natasha that squeezed hard her heart.

The window allowed them to see you, but not the other way, and it let them see how you were all cuddle up in a corner from your bed. There you looked vulnerable, as if you weren't capable of all the things they saw you do, and the few items that weren't the basics stood up in the room only telling them you didn't belong in there at all. She almost felt pity for you, because you were trying to do what she did when she was recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D but without any freedom.

"Wanda tried to make them eat, at least enough for them to get some energy back," Clint explained in softer voice, as if you were able to listen to them through the glass. "But no luck with the talking."

"Did she got violent?" Natasha wanted to know what she was about to face, because she wasn't going to tell you the news through a speaker.

"Nope, she was actually pretty calm, so I think it's safe to say that you can go in without having a sneak attack or something," he laughed a bit and Sharon looked at Natasha with concern, not really sure about that part. "I think she's just...sad and lonely."

Clint's words clingged into Natasha's mind as Sharon and her made their way to the main entrance to your quarters, wanting to give you the benefit of the doubt since you were like that. She got that it was hard to get used to a new place, so maybe her approach to you in a more friendly way would do you some good, right?

However any chance to be more friendly was thrown at the mud the moment you two made eye contact.

Maybe it was the way you looked at her or maybe how your body moved towards her, as if you were programmed to kill her on sight. It was a luck that you didn't have all your energies back, because they wouldn't had been able to reduce you in between the three of them if it wasn't like that.

"Look, I don't like at all that we were put together either, but we are, okay?" her voice came out raspy, mostly because you had managed to put her on a headlock enough time. She heard you whining at that, pressing your face into the ground as if it was a cushion or a mattress. "You aren't there anymore, L/N, you are here and we'll try to make everything worth it."

You didn't say a thing back, trying to get away from their grasp unsuccessfully until you were just whimpering ever so softly, knocking your forehead against the floor slowly and mumbling something like a command. And then you silenced yourself again, pressing your forehead where you've been hitting it, leaving Clint, Natasha and Sharon speechless.

"They're gonna find me and then they'll find you all," after several minutes, your voice came out in a mere whisper, without strength after days of not use. "I told Maria Hill I was better off dead."

It was then when it finally hit Natasha why she was put in charge of you. 

Carefully, Natasha ordered Sharon and Clint to let go of you, taking a leap of faith just like that. She had her spider bites ready in case it went wrong...again, so what else could happen, right? The memory of having Clint trust in her was enough to make her try it with you, so you knew they weren't your enemies. At first they watch you stay still on the floor, even when they weren't holding you anymore, and then you rolled to your side to stand up weakly.

That made her sigh in relief, a faint pain ghosting over her side, and Sharon hugged her own side with a bolt of pain showing up in her features. Moving that much after injuries wasn't good at all.

"Then if that possibility is over the table, we have to do something about it, don't you think?" you looked at Natasha as if she grew another head in the span of a couple of minutes, before your eyes wandered down her body. "If you promise not to go crazy the second we get our eyes off you, I'll promise not to taser you down."

For a second, Natasha thought she was going suddenly crazy, but you actually were laughing at her last words. And your laugh was clear, as if you didn't spent a whole week - or even more, they didn't know - without showing more emotion than rage or apathy.

"I sure can try not to, that much I can promise," she saw your fists clench, softly, and then you cracked your neck before looking at the three of them. "But you should stop bleeding first, I busted your stitches," so that was the ghost pain she was feeling, Natasha thought while looking down to see her shirt starting to get soaked with blood. "Bad habit."

She wanted to say something clever back, but the only thing she managed to get out of her chest was a chuckle. This was going to be hard, she knew it for a fact, but there wasn’t a way out of this but training you, help you adapt to the rest and make you work with them as a team.

Clint was the one, however, to say something instead of dwelling in the awkward silence that arose in the room. Clapping his hands once, he smiled contently as if two of the three women there weren’t bleeding out or in pain before talking.

“Good then,” Natasha saw you look at Clint, clearly confused, before he put a hand on your shoulder, forgetting you almost dislocated his elbow five minutes ago. “Do you like chinese food or thai food? We were having take out for dinner today.”

“I like...chinese, yeah.”

By the time dinner was there, Natasha had one of her spider bites hidden under the cushion...just in case being murdered by a couple of chopsticks was in the menu too.

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, so reposted version of my take on how Titans treat Dick vs how the Batfam treats Dick, which can become a very easy ‘trap’ to fall into per se, off of my posts as much as anyone’s, given how critical I am of the Batfam in specific....but the danger there, IMO, is that relativity is never quite the solution it often appears to be, when we’re just looking for ‘better than what exists elsewhere’ but from the perspective of the END results, rather than the root of the issue causing things to...exist badly anywhere.

For instance, I’m fully in agreement with others that in terms of FREQUENCY this happens far less with the Titans than it does with the Batfam, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still issues with how the Titans have been written interacting with Dick at his lowest. And this is why I think its always, always, always a self-defeating trap just even IN GENERAL, to fall into comparison/contrast paradigms when analyzing things like problematic behavior patterns: it ultimately does no good to examine whether or not another group is ‘better’ or ‘more frequently’ better at interacting with Dick in ways that aren’t as detrimental to him….not if they still DO have times where they interact with Dick in ways that are very much detrimental to him.

The real question, imo, is simply: what’s at the root of how and why characters interact with him in ways that are to his detriment? Because nothing ultimately gets addressed or dealt with when its simply made an issue of contention between two parties who AREN’T Dick themselves…..it simply creates an arbitrary ‘bar’ wherein anything ‘above’ this bar is okay because at least its not as bad as the behavior that fails to reach the bar elsewhere.

One specific word got me thinking along these lines in general, not even anything to do with any actual stated point, but rather purely just a circumstantial thing, as it jumpstarted a chain reaction of thoughts purely from the presence of that word choice. And that word was ‘coddling’ - again, if for no other reason than the fact I think it makes for a good segue to something we have a problem with as a society in general. I think a ton of us have a reluctance to give up on the idea that tough love is the be-all and end-all its so often deemed to be….because there’s this fixation on it that’s been kinda battered into most of us, largely just as a direct result of a kind of societal belief we have that anything LESS than tough love can often be construed as ‘coddling,’ ie indulgent. Enabling weakness. Validating someone’s self-expression that they DESERVE love and care rather than forceful ‘get over it’s’ with, well…..dismissal of that.

In Dick’s case in particular, I want to point out how insidiously this can end up pairing with the extremely pervasive takes we have throughout fandom, that Dick is exceptionally stubborn and prideful - where his insistence on independence and self-determination are so often turned into a flaw and a manifestation of ego rather than something he’s actually justified in leaning so heavily into.

Because this I believe is at the heart of the relative lack of sympathy fandom displays for Dick’s position even in the takes where he WAS originally fired from Robin, rather than quitting and leaving on his own. And here I want to bring things back to where I initially said it can be so dangerous to make analysis of problems with emotional interactions a matter of relativity, of ranking, rather than just examining the problem purely from an analytical focus on Dick himself, and what he NEEDS versus what he so often GETS.

Because our tendency in life and society to make things a matter of relativity, usually because that’s FUNCTIONALLY an ‘easier’ (or at least quicker) way to address issues….I think that’s the same thing that results in how many people view Dick as being just as much at fault for the estrangement between himself and Bruce in his early Nightwing years, if not more.

See, it goes like this:

Break the problem down into its bare components there:

Bruce and Dick are at odds and estranged due to Dick no longer being Robin.

Now, let’s go purely with a take where its 100% Bruce’s fault….let’s just say there’s no nuance here whatsoever - not actually in the interests of demonizing Bruce, lol, but purely in the name of spotlighting what a problem the thing I’m talking about here is.

Okay, so take one of the takes where Bruce fired Dick from a role and mantle Dick himself created from personal reasons largely unconnected from/uninspired by Bruce, that Bruce himself had ZERO rights over. And where then this was compounded by Bruce refusing to demonstrate any emotional vulnerability by asking Dick to stay or remain in his life despite what he’d done. As well as the injury he’d caused by doing something he had no right to and by overstepping ironically by doing the very same thing people usually offer up as his reason for NOT forging more definitive personal bonds between himself and Dick….inserting himself between Dick and his memorial tribute to his first family, and appropriating control of the Robin mantle as though it’d become something he had more rights to by mere virtue of Robin being Batman’s partner. And then add to that the insult added to injury by offering his new son Jason BOTH the one thing he’d never offered Dick - adoption - AND the one thing he’d TAKEN from Dick - Robin. All without ever a word of apology or a single attempt made to be the one reaching out to try and bridge the chasm HE’D created by his own actions and no one else’s.

Pretty definitively Bruce’s fault, right? There’s no way, shape or form any of that is actually Dick’s fault, those are all entirely Bruce’s actions and Bruce’s actions alone.

So we go back to the broken down problem:

Bruce and Dick are at odds and estranged due to Dick no longer being Robin.

And now we want to create a solution to that problem. How do you fix or even come close to fixing that? Well, the only possible way to fix a problem is by addressing the root of the problem….which in this case, is unilaterally, Bruce’s choices and decisions, and his lack of apology or accountability.

But here’s where most people swerve. For various reasons, whether its personal character preference or bias, or just an inability to imagine a scenario wherein Bruce DOES step up to fix things by MAKING an apology or ACCEPTING accountability, perhaps due to seeing that as unrealistic or hard to script in character, due to BRUCE’S innate pride and stubbornness….

For one reason or another, people shy away from ACTUALLY defaulting to this view of things in order to fix what Bruce broke, EVEN IN takes where Bruce definitively and 100% was the party responsible for breaking trust.

And instead, they become preoccupied with a DIFFERENT problem:

Bruce is unlikely or hard to imagine making that apology or accepting that blame….

Making that an ‘impossible’ fix to a problem that still needs fixing….Bruce and Dick at odds and estranged.

So suddenly, by sheer virtue of there only being two parties involved here, and one of them considered ‘useless’ in terms of ACTUALLY fixing that problem….attention gets shifted to Dick.

And now, because similarly the attention is also just on ‘how do we fix this’ and not ‘why does this need fixing’….Dick is offered up as a sacrificial solution. If he just ACCEPTS that he’s never going to get the apology and acknowledgment of accountability from Bruce that he deserves…..then voila, we still have a fix to the problem. So long as he just ‘gets over that’ or any need for that, and ends the estrangement regardless of never getting that….the problem still gets ‘fixed.’

And thus, with just a few mental moves, one problem has been entirely swapped out for another one, that’s literally only been CREATED because people refused to address the actual root of the problem.

Now, the new problem is that Dick is too stubborn, too prideful to just get over this and end the estrangement himself….because people prioritized the SOLUTION over the PROBLEM, and then decided that between the two, Bruce and Dick, Bruce is the LESS likely to ever be of use in acquiring some kind of solution or addressing the actual problem…..meaning that now, the onus for obtaining that desired solution falls upon the RELATIVELY MORE likely avenue for obtaining it….Dick just caving and accepting he’s never going to get this apology. And which in turn means that as long as Dick DOESN’T do this, or the longer it took Dick to do this…..the more the newly shifted blame lands on his shoulders and his alone….

Even though he never did anything wrong and his want/need there was always valid.

In essence, people have created a problem entirely from scratch, in order to explain the existence of an actual problem….that they refused to lay at the feet of the actual source of it…..wholly because they deemed that useless in ever ‘realistically’ obtaining a solution to that problem.

People put the burden of fixing a problem not on the source of it, but on the person they deemed more capable of fixing things…..and then blamed him for simply not wanting to do that because it was never his place or job or responsibility….to fix what he was himself the victim of.

And all of that comes about solely from prioritizing obtaining a solution over acknowledging a problem, and falling back on arbitrary parameters of relativity to obtain said solution.

So now bringing this back to the Titans AND the Batfam AND pretty much most other characters to revolve in and out of Dick’s life and storylines…..we often end up presented with characters written enacting the ‘solution’ of ‘tough love’ to a problem that….never really existed in the first place. Because so often the tough love gets trotted out in direct response to addressing ‘how stubborn/prideful/prone to digging his heels in’ Dick is, because there’s a tendency with people to approach the issues of problems Dick’s having….as though Dick himself is the problem. As if only he weren’t just so…him, so insistent on BEING ‘him’….the problem wouldn’t exist in the first place. Ergo, its his stubbornness that NEEDS addressing. That demands he not be coddled.

But the second we stop looking at Dick and what HE’S doing as the problem that needs fixing - ie being stubborn about something…..and we look at this behavior as his ATTEMPT at a SOLUTION to the actual problem HE’S facing…..someone or something trying to do something that Dick doesn’t want to go along with or doesn’t want them to do…..we shift the focus BACK. To that ACTUAL problem. The someone or something that’s trying to do something that Dick doesn’t want.

And here’s where we get to where as I’ve talked about before - I believe Dick DOES have control freak issues, absolutely….but that his reasons for having them differ dramatically from Bruce’s and other characters who have superficially similar tendencies. And in Dick’s case, those tendencies stem from his attempts to SOLVE the problem that is….him so rarely being allowed to have control over his own actual life.  

Dick being stubborn isn’t the source of his issues. The source of his issues are his rapes, his repeated experiences being brainwashed and mind controlled and fucked with, the lack of power he’s afforded in his personal dynamics with even his own family and how often he’s just completely overruled or invalidated by even them…..

Ironically, for all that Dick IS an acknowledged control freak….this is not the actual problem. This is just a badly attempted solution that can not ever really address the problem….that is….his lack of control over so much of his life.

Because much like the only way you can really ever address or FIX the problem that is “Bruce and Dick are estranged because of what happened with Robin” by addressing the PROBLEM as being “Bruce’s actions and choices that created that estrangement, and his failure to act to end it”…..

You can similarly only ever really address or FIX the problem that is “Dick so rarely has control over his own life”….by….giving him more control over that.

Except of course, this is pretty much the exact opposite of what most people try and do whenever Dick is in crisis or struggling with personal issues. Part of the major central PROBLEMS in Dick’s life and narratives is the fact that going hand in hand with how rarely he has control over his own life….is how often others want to have control INSTEAD of him. Even many of the people closest to him, with the best of intentions, have these beliefs or images in their heads of what he NEEDS, what’s best for him….because they’re so rarely asking WHY independence and self-determination are SO important to him, WHAT the problem is that he so often and so readily trots those out as his go-to attempted solution or fix for. 

They’re innately undervaluing the importance of this to him and the WHY of that importance, because it just doesn’t match up to the view they already have installed in their head of who he is, what that looks and acts like, and what his problems MIGHT be…..and the less they listen to what he’s actually saying and asking for by assuming it to be CONTRARY to what he actually ‘needs’ or signs of some kind of flaw on his part or even self-destructive…..all they’re doing is feeding back into that same central issue of prioritizing THEIR view of him and what he needs and what he should be acting like over his OWN view of all that.

With this only being compounded by the reality that….how could they POSSIBLY ever really know what he needs in the first place when….most of them don’t even know what the myriad traumas he’s struggling with are….ironically, because he’s been taught throughout his life to keep most of that to himself, because every time he DOES open up about stuff, peoples’ response is never to ASK what he needs from them or patiently wait for him to figure that out for himself, its just to….DECIDE they know now what the requisite solution is.

With this FURTHER compounded by the fact that so many of Dick’s traumas happen to exist as data points in a repeating pattern. His greatest hits keep hitting, over and over again. Even if he opens up about one rape, there’s more to tell. Even if he opens up about one time being mind controlled, there’s more to tell. Even if he opens up about one time he felt abandoned or rejected by family, there’s more to tell. So even when he STARTS to genuinely open up to people and turn to them for help…..any progress that might result in tends to get nipped in the bud the second a character hears about the FIRST issue and immediately thinks ah-hah, okay, NOW I get it, NOW I see what the problem is….and NOW I know what needs to be done….even though again, they just wind up right back where they started….where how could they POSSIBLY know what Dick actually needs when even now, they still only know one third of it or whatever, because they jumped the gun and couldn’t be patient with him or with letting him take the lead in determining what he NEEDED in order to fix or address his problems.

And round and round and round it goes.

Of course, this then begs the question of how then can they ever truly know what Dick needs, when Dick himself might not know it because he’s long since become an unreliable narrator of his own traumas and various issues?

The answer, IMO, comes from going back to the singular recurring root of so MANY of his traumas and problems….the lack of control, the refusal to allow him to self-determinate. I think its safe to call this his central issue by virtue of the fact its the issue that throughout the decades of his most consistent characterizations….its the issue he most frequently is shown pushing back against with his own personal attempt at finding a fix for what he views as his biggest problems. Dick’s biggest central theme in his life, his one big ask that he keeps asking for over and over from everyone he knows….is just to be allowed to be in charge of his own life. To be believed when he says HE knows what he wants to be, wants to do, what’s ACTUALLY best for him.

Because when you accept that as his biggest issue, and prioritize HIS preferred solution to it as the most pressing NEED of his that needs fulfilling…..suddenly it becomes a lot clearer how to address so many of his other issues. Because he’s already provided the blueprint for doing that, even when he otherwise is a temporarily unreliable narrator of his own issues and needs.

And that’s in who he is and how he treats OTHERS….when he’s at his best. His best being defined by ‘himself when granted fullest control over who he is and how he acts’….because if his central recurring issue is people getting in the WAY of this, people trying to superimpose their OWN view of him over this….then how can himself when at his most successful in addressing THIS real root issue be anything OTHER than himself, when….most ‘himself’?

And the thing is…..how we treat others when we’re EACH at our best….as in, when we have a full drawer of spoons available to us, when we aren’t being hindered or blocked by any personal issues or unknowing biases, when we’re treating people we care about in the way that to us is most IDEAL, while in a position and state of mind where we’re capable of acting upon our personally most idealized behavior….

How we treat people THEN, at THAT point….tends to bear a direct and distinct correlation to how we ideally want others to treat us at our WORST. As in, when we’re MOST in need or want of THEIR best or most idealized behavior or treatment of others.

So the answer to ‘what does Dick REALLY need when he’s struggling with various things or even self-destructive behavior’ IMO is never anything approaching tough love, but neither is it coddling….its simply…..to be treated by the people he cares about the same way he prioritizes treating the people he cares about when he’s at his most capable and most uninhindered on that front.

He basically draws people a map to it.

And yet….so rarely do we see anything remotely close to people treating Dick the way even some of his loudest detractors EXPECT him to consistently treat their own faves.

None of the sensitivity they take for granted when demanding it of his character, given that they’ll hold even one single insensitive thing said by him against him for years. None of the compassion and understanding that they demand he display towards others’ issues, even when they’re lashing out or reacting badly from a place of frustration or loss of control or self-destructive tendencies. Etc, etc.

Its no coincidence in my mind that the times Dick seems BEST capable of and willing to accept help from others, or MOST benefiting from others’ help….are the all too rare occasions when the help others offer him prioritizes letting HIM take the wheel in what happens and when….as well as consistently displaying the same kind of treatment Dick doles out to others in need of help when HE’S at his best and the one providing it. 

But yeah, at the end of the day, for all my own ventposts about the Batfam of late, and all my own personal preferences for the Titans’ interactions with Dick….it can’t go unacknowledged IMO that there is unfortunately still a huge trend or history of them being written very poorly in this respect as well.

Which to me makes the most pressing question not WHO has the best track record of treating Dick better than others….

But why is there barely any track record at ALL, of even Dick’s closest friends and family treating him in the specific ways he’s expected to treat each of them at pretty much all times, regardless of what’s going on with him and his own issues of the moment?

The only way to truly address the problem of Dick having so little control over his own life…is to give him back control.

The only way to truly address the problem of so many people in Dick’s life having an agenda when it comes to him, even if that agenda is just getting him back to being or acting like the version of himself they’re most comfortable with….is to have no agenda other than just BEING there for him, whatever HE wants that to look like.

The only way to truly address the problem of so many people prioritizing their OWN view of what he should want or act like or think like or be like…..is to simply prioritize HIS OWN view of what he should want or act like or think like or be like.

And if the problem is what’s the best way for characters to interact with Dick when he’s going through his worst moments, when he might not even know what he needs or wants at that particular time…..IMO the only way to address this problem is to look at the problem as Dick not being able to be at his best……and prioritize treating Dick the same way he treats others when he IS at that point….rather than….unfortunately just often treating Dick the way OTHERS already tend to treat him that….so often results in him being at his worst….aka The King of Tough Love’s too-often approach to ‘helping’ his eldest in various ways.

Etc, etc.

[writerseven]

hey if you're still doing commentaries could you maybe do one on the conversation dick and alfred have in the most recent chapter thanks

 I am always down to do commentaries!

This got long, so I will put my rambles about this bit from brother chapter two under the cut:

so when plot was just starting to happen in the series, I actually debated for a bit whether or not Alfred would know, and how much. Ultimately, I felt like him knowing would make more logical sense and feel more grounded, and some version of that reveal has been in my outline ever since I had an outline. I have been waiting for the chance to write that, like, five second moment of one of the kids having a stomach-dropping realization that alfred has known this whole time. I think early on it was much later in my outline and it was Tim? But in terms of plot machinations and where things are headed and characters emotional states, it ended up fitting perfectly for Dick in this moment.

Setting that up was tricky. I figured some people would already suspect, but I still wanted it to be potentially shocking for readers who anticipated a nicer Alfred? I really tried to figure out how to tune that entire chapter to feel like it was building up to Good Guy Alfred, and add in little mentions from Dick’s PoV of Alfred being great/kept in the dark/etc that would set expectations without being too obvious as red herrings.

Honestly, I’m not sure I really succeeded on that, but as long as that moment is still horrifying and awful, that’s more important that being shocking. If I were to go back and edit this series as a whole, I would probably try to set that up for longer to really pull the rug out from under people.

asdfjk I’ve written a bunch and I haven’t even gotten to the actual convo you asked about yet

OKAY. So Alfred doesn’t have a lot of lines because it’s not a very long scene all things considered, so I tried to really be thoughtful about what he did say. Right before Dick “tells” Alfred, we get this:

Alfred doesn't complain, glancing over his shoulder. His mouth gives a wry twist at the display. “Ah, well. You know Master Bruce. It does not matter what logic or decency or I say when he's determined to wallow in guilt.” 

They’re talking about the Jason Robin suit display, but that’s also setting up everything that comes after.

“Were I capable of stopping Master Bruce from every foolish idea that gets into his head, he wouldn't be gallivanting about each night to risk his life dressed as a flying rodent,” says Alfred, pushing the kettle back into its designated place. “I can protect him from many things, but not himself.”

And that’s kind of the basis of Alfred’s feelings here. He doesn’t approve of Bruce abusing the kids; of course he finds it indecent and misguided and perhaps, if he can admit it to himself a tiny bit, wrong--but it’s not his doing, and, gosh, well, he’s tried his best to steer Bruce right and you can’t win ‘em all, right?

He’s also, like, super focused on Bruce above all others. Alfred calls Batman a foolish idea because of the way it endangers Bruce, and even frames the idea of stopping him from being a pedophile as “protecting him from himself.” Alfred cares about his pseudo-grandkids and would rather not have to chose, but Bruce is his baby and will always come first.

A lot of enablers of this kind of abuse are romantic partners, and because of the unusual way the Robins were raised, that’s not a far off comparison from their side of things; Alfred took somewhat of a parental role for Dick and Jason especially. But in terms of Alfred’s psychology, I think of this more like an enabling parent--the kind who wants their kid to be good and well-raised, but ultimately just cannot accept the concept of their precious child having done something truly bad. And if that kid ever did, they’d be helping bury the body instead of asking questions.

Alfred's eyes are low—No. Alfred's eyes are averted. His lips are still pinched, brow still creased. Dick doesn't get it at first. But something cold creeps into his chest. “Alfie...?”

[fixed typo count: 1. how am i so bad at this]

One of the most annoying things about describing facial expressions (or body language) is that you can describe it textbook-perfectly for a particular emotion, and still have it not convey the emotion you mean it to. Part of that is that we only have so many words for the ways faces move, part of it is that individual facial movements can convey multiple expressions (e.g. frowning can be for irritation, disapproval, disappointment, sadness, etc), and part of it is that if you’re not using words that convey obvious emotion (’scowl’ ‘smile’ ‘grimace’ etc) readers kinda have to take a second to actually picture what you’re describing before they can discern an emotion from it.

...on the flip side, if you want characters and/or readers to misunderstand an expression, that means you can still get away with a lot of describing.

All that lowered eyes, pinched lips, creased brow could be the sign of someone taking in horrible news and trying to suppress a strong reaction, which is what Dick thinks at first--and then a little word choice of flipping the vaguer “lowered” to the distinctly guilty “averted” and Dick starts to get it.

“Perhaps,” Alfred says, carefully selected words, “you should let it not be true.”

And there we get to, like, the entirety of Alfred’s justification. Love for Bruce is why he lets this continue, but the how is just a straight up I Do Not See It. From a little later:

“There are things in his life,” Alfred says tightly, refilling his cup, “in any loved one's life, that are simply separate from our own.”

I don’t know if this is ever going to come up, so I don’t mind mentioning it here though it hasn’t been explicitly shown in the story--but this is the first time Alfred has ever really discussed this with anyone. Dick is the only person who is fully aware Alfred knows.

If you go back, you can actually see brief mentions in Bruce’s PoVs of keeping things hidden from Alfred, e.g. debating if he could convince Alfred that short-shorts for Robin are a tactical decision. I think I dropped that in the first time before I had actually considered Alfred’s role in a longer story, but I ended up liking the idea that not even Bruce is certain whether Alfred is aware of his abuse. He goes back and forth between thinking maybe Alfred doesn’t know and he must hide it (because clearly Bruce is such Clever Genius Sneaky Man that no one could ever learn his secrets), and suspecting closer to the truth: that Alfred knows, but the silent condition for his enabling is that Bruce never ever brings it up and lets Alfred feign ignorance.

I realize I’ve talked a whole bunch about Alfred here and said almost nothing about Dick, but to be fair, we’re already in Dick’s PoV so there’s not as much new stuff to cover.

What if he doesn't? Dick can say something stupid instead, watch Alfred's face clear and that smile return. They'll go upstairs, maybe, have tea with Jason, laugh and reminisce. Bruce and Tim will return later, change back in the cave, and come upstairs where they can all be together. This little messed up family in the kitchen, happy and unbothered. Alfred won't have his heart broken, and Jason can warm up again, and Bruce will smile at Dick, and Tim won't resent him. And all Dick has to do is pretend he was wrong and never say anything, until he starts to believe it himself.

They could be a good, happy family. The blissful life of ignorance.

I feel WEIRD talking about my own feelings on my writing (because what if they’re completely off base from how it reads??) but I think this was the most crushing bit to me. Dick so badly wants the good family that he deserves, wants his dad to love him, wants everyone to be happy. And, without knowing it yet, he’s basically described what Alfred actually did. Dick is going to push past this moment of weakness, do the right thing instead of pretending, say something so incredibly hard--and then find out it was all pointless because someone else already made that choice.

Sad. Alfred looks sad. Dick doesn't understand, he doesn't understand. It's the wrong sadness. And Alfred's—being—gentle.

“Let's get you some tea and a chat,” Alfred says. Dick means to refuse that too, but the words get choked up and the next thing he knows Alfred is guiding him up that long staircase. That hand on his shoulder is so gentle and the words are so gentle and the pace is so gentle and Dick can't seem to resist any of it and he doesn't know where his—body has gone.

I kind of realized after I wrote the previous chapter that I would never be allowed to use the word “gentle” in Dick’s PoV without it carrying a very specific connotation. And on the bright side, I can just drop a single word and have already established the emotion behind it!

Alfred is now placed alongside Bruce (and Catalina Flores, and the BPD, and those appeared-for-two-seconds traffickers...) He has the upper hand, and has no need to be cruel.

(also that “he doesn't know where his—body has gone” my dudes, Dick must have, like, so many issues with bodily autonomy after all the shit he’s been through, even in a ‘verse where Bruce isn’t an abuser, and I could do a whole post about that y’all)

Alfred gets him some tea. Dick stares at it until a soft sound and Alfred sipping his own in demonstration stirs him to follow suit.

They're sitting at the kitchen island. Dick is sitting at the kitchen island, dangle of his legs off the bar stool making him feel like a kid again. Alfred stands on the island's other side, patiently watching him. Tea. Kitchen. Alfred knows. Dick has the vaguest presence of mind to wonder if they passed Jason on the way up. He's pretty sure they didn't; Jason must have moved.

[dissociation intensifies] adjf honestly I was like “oh no am I using dissociation too much in this series” because part of me always wants to highlight the different ways people can react, but IN MY DEFENSE dick has a canonical history of reacting to traumatic events like this so. yeah. Errbody dissociating.

(For the record, Jason did indeed move and they did not pass him.)

There’s a middle bit to this conversation that I don’t have to much to say about where Dick is just trying to come to terms with the revelation and completely failing to understand how Alfred can not do anything. because Fundamentally Good Person Dick Grayson reigns supreme in my heart.

and then that tension escalates to:

Dick hands clench on the tiny teacup. “He's raping kids.”

“Richard.”

From getting to chat a bit in the comments, it’s not just me, but I’ve always found that initially naming a thing can feel more shocking than the thing itself. Bruce grooms his victims (Dick included, though Bruce never raped him), and gradually submits them to more and more discomfort, and gaslights them, and that sort of slow ramp up can make things seem...less awful, or less definable, or less abusive than they actually are.

I’ve always found things seem a lot clearer in retelling (or, for fiction, in telling at all), when in the moment, in real life, there’s a lot of second guessing and ‘is this really happening?’ and ‘what exactly is happening?’ and ‘is this really what i think it might be?’ And then you don’t want to get it wrong and be jumping to conclusions.

So there’s also a power in my mind of being able to name things? The first time is really shocking and hard, but then suddenly there is this title you can group it under. And maybe you don’t know what to do about “my adoptive father who i love but is sometimes difficult is maybe carrying on a sexual relationship with my not-brother who swears that it isn’t happening and also seems to want to be there, and i don’t want to hurt anyone,” but you probably have a much clearer reaction to “this man is raping children.”

I think it takes a lot from Dick to name it as such--And there’s a reason why that is the moment Alfred snaps. “My employerson who I love has a complicated relationship with his kids” is a lot easier to be willfully ignorant towards.

Finally, the end of the conversation is just Alfred laying out why Dick can’t do anything about it and how no one will help. And also trying to guilt Dick into believing this is for the best. Alfred is happy to have all four of his boys around, and he would prefer that illusion of being whole and happy to losing any of them for the sake of helping the others.

...and, I’ll be honest, that ending explanation is also for me the author to be able to explain it. If you’ve got a purely logical viewpoint here, there’s a question of, like “why doesn’t Dick just ask Diana to use her lasso, or ask a telepath to read Bruce’s mind?” etc etc, and my hope is that it will be clear to everyone that emotion is about a million times more important than rationality when it comes to trauma reactions, and that Dick actually does even have good reason to doubt talking to any of those people would help!

Because the person he trusted most in the world to have his back re: Bruce already knew, and doesn’t want to change anything.

[dammit-stark]

hear me out or don’t but BUT,,, stevetony shark tank au

thor (no last name, just thor- like zendaya but four times her size and the personality of an overgrown puppy) is known for being from old, old money. so old, that even his frivolous spending problems (emphasis on problem) hasn’t so much as made a dent into his cash. he’s known for investing just as frivolously as he buys his yachts, but somehow he’s so inherently lucky that even though he invests in the companies the other sharks all but laugh off the air, he almost never loses money on an investment. oh, and he also is the notorious and very outspoken owner of an adult ‘play’ company that creates facilities with foam pits, etc for adults.

then there’s natasha romanoff. she’s the most quiet on the panel, but her looks mean more than any of the terse sentences she parses out. nat is often the one that entrepreneurs are most afraid of facing. shark tank legend denotes the way you can tell when she’s in/out based on a single eyebrow raise. nat has a monopoly on real estate along the whole western coast, though not a lot of people know her name. Her net worth has never actually been confirmed. the producers had asked her to appear on the show mostly as a joke, but then she actually agreed to do it, and now she’s a series regular. when an up-and-coming entrepreneur is invited on the show, they inevitably find a terrifyingly bare wikipedia page titled natasha romanoff: shark tank.

clint barton’s internationally recognized clothing brand has a multibillion dollar networth and continues to grow. clint built his company from the ground up and never lets himself forget the stark bankruptcy that he came from. his personal net worth is disguised by his untucked shirt, mischievous smirk, and the dirty joke often right on the tip of his tongue. clint is well-versed in the language of his gut feelings and is known to offer a deal or back out of one before the last word of the first pitch has been said.

beside clint, billionaire maria hill has her hands in almost every money-making industry that exists in the modern world. from food, to real estate, to service, to chotchsky informercial products, maria does it all. she and her husband nick are known for building their security company from the ground up then selling it for billions of dollars. she would almost be as hardcore, inconspicuous, and sharklike as nat with her steady, measuring stare if she didn’t have the propensity to laugh uproariously at a frivolous products. usually when maria laughs at your product, it means that thor and clint will begin a bidding war over your business soon after. a rumor floats through the halls that they do that because she neurolinguistically programmed them to do so.

then there’s tony stark, billionaire, philanthropist, playboy tech mogul that inherited his father’s name and company then nurtured said company into the highest grossing tech conglomerate in the world. his temerity in the industry and his lightning-fast turnover rates has earned him the nickname ‘mr invincible’. he’s not known for being nice or playing fair, he’s known for investing a lot in a little and making big money, he’s known for making people billionaires, and he’s known for having an ego the size of the New York skyline and a list of bed partners to match it. he’s known for being a goddamn legend.

and then there’s soft spoken steve rogers, impassioned entrepreneur with a heart of gold and a tangible passion for his product.

bruce banner is the kind producer who has been giving steve all the helpful advice he could possibly ask for since the moment he’d received the email informing him his product pitch would air on shark tank in november. even steve can tell that Bruce works hard from the show, spending long hours at the studio, emailing potential entrepreneurs day in and day out, often weighed down by stacks of folders filled with product pitches. he thrives off of caffeine alone and his hair never looks brushed. he was the one who had been the final word in convincing both tony and nat to join the show.

he hovers around the makeup department while the stylists do the final camera-ready touches on his entrepreneurial finds.

“just go out there, make sure to look them in the eyes, and don’t stop your pitch no matter what they might do to try to trip you up beforehand, got it?” bruce says, one last time. steve straightens out his lapels, stands tall, and nods, “you’re gonna do great, steve.”

when steve steps into the shark tank, half a dozen human-sized cameras rotating around him like hammerheads leading him to his doom, the most terrifying, unprecedented thing that could possibly happen happens. natasha takes one look at him and laughs.

“Oh my god,” she wheezes- while the others occasionally will laugh at an outlandish valuation, nat has always stayed straight faced, never once laughing on camera. now, it’s like looking into the laughing eyes of a fire-breathing dragon, “Oh my god, Tony you’re gonna have a field day with this one.”

steve hasn’t even introduced his product yet, hell he hasn’t even pitched it’s name and the unlaughable sea creature is laughing like a banshee at a open mic night. he has zero clue what’s going on.

tony, sitting beside nat, however, seems to know exactly why she’s laughing. that’s how things are in the shark tank. even tony stark is capable of embarrassment apparently, as he blushes faint pink just at the round of his cheeks and glares at his fellow shark. he hisses under his breath, “shut it, princess. you’re gonna lose this pitch for all of us before it even starts.”

she continues to laugh, muttering just under her breath so only the sharks can hear her, “oh my god he’s like the painted picture of your type, oh my god.”

steve remembers bruce’s words and starts his pitch, jaw tight and chest heavy with nerves.

by the time he’s done, nat has stopped her cackling and steve has all five sharks listening raptly to his pitch.

“so what do you say, sharks, who’s ready to come with me as we put my product in households all over the world?”

the sharks are completely silent. tony taps his pen against his notebook, and for a second there steve thinks to himself well shit I did a really good job fucking this up, didn’t i?, then suddenly tony’s grinning and half the sharks are leaning forward eagerly.

“props to you,” clint says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs with a sloppy grin, “that’s got to be one of the best pitches we’ve had. i mean, you made stark over there speechless and he never shuts the hell up.”

“oh be quiet, barton. the adults are talking,” tony chides, looking up from his legal pad to watch the way steve bounces on the balls of his feet, “steve, i wanna make you a deal.”

that makes clint shoot forward, both feet hitting the ground as he swivels himself around so he can see Tony’s face, “seriously? already?“

“oh so now you care about people making guy decisions, Barton?”

“You don’t even know his numbers!”

“I know I like the product,” tony says simply, eyes never leaving steve’s entrepreneurial take on a parade rest. steve kinda feels like his throat is closing up. Barton continues to bicker.

“mr Stark,” Steve says suddenly, talking over Clint’s rambling, “You said you had a deal for me?”

“yes,” Tony looks down at his notes then back up at Steve with a grin, “I want to give you exactly what you asked for. no change in dollar amount, no change in equity, plain and simple.”

Steve can’t help it, he gawks, “are you- are you kidding?”

“nope.”

“is there a catch? do you want royalties or a salary or something?”

“not unless you’re offering.”

“I wasn’t,” Steve says quickly, “That’s a very generous offer, mr stark, but I-“

“You want to hear if the other sharks have offers,” tony finishes for him, eyes burning into steve’s skin, “don’t worry. I’ll wait.”

it’s a good thing he’s willing to wait because after he gives his numbers, there ends up being a five-way bidding war over Steve’s company before he’s able to choose his future partner. Steve really doesn’t want to muck this up. he had gone in praying for something as little as a nod of approval, and now he’s standing under the lights of television cameras and the scrutinizing gazes of five billionaires, and being forced to choose from the whole lot of them.

thor and clint end up partnering together on a deal that’s mostly a time-filler, nowhere near as serious or as appealing as tony’s offer. steve politely turns it down, and clint laughs behind his hand. maria considers throwing an offer onto the table, even does so briefly, but retracts it as soon as nat pitches her offer, straight faced as she claims there was nothing she couldn’t bring to the table that nat wouldn’t.

then nat offers almost twice as much cash for the same equity as steve first asked for, and tony visibly flinches beside her. tony immediately triples his offer.

in the end, Steve’s left looking back and forth between nat and tony like a ball in a ping pong tournament. both investors try to convince him to pick their increasing offers of capital.

“tick tock,” maria chimes, note pad folded neatly in her lap as she summarizes the available deals for steve who stands there with two incredible deals waiting to be picked from, sweating nervously.

“come on man,” clint calls out exhaustedly, “Just go with your gut feeling. who do you want to work with?”

“tony,” Steve says so immediately it’s almost like the word was just waiting in his throat, ready to pounce, “I mean, mr stark, I would love to take your deal.”

tony grins and stands up, and steve instantly knows he made the right choice. when tony moves in to hug him, steve is able to see the way nat sits back in her high-backed leather seat looking entirely.... pleased?

“can’t wait to start working with you, steve,” tony says into his new business partner’s ear, and steve realizes he can’t either. he’s ecstatic that he made a deal, and with tony stark nonetheless, “we’re gonna do great things together.”

steve waves earnestly behind himself as he exits from the shark tanks, large wooden doors snapping shut as he reenters an all-wood hallways covered in green screens and the backstage crew descends on him once again.

another camera turns onto him for his final talking head and on off-screen producer asks him how he feels about the deal. Steve can’t help it, he beams.

“I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome,” he admits, eyes bright. bruce gives him two smiling thumbs up, “In fact, I gotta admit, I’ve always had kinda a crush on Mr Stark, so I’m really excited to get the chance to work with him.”

shark tank cuts to a commercial break.

in november when the episode airs, tony and nat are doing their weekly watch party, just the two of them, popcorn, and copious amounts of alcohol as they lounge on tony’s luxurious couch in malibu.

when segment’s through, nat is laughing to tears. it’s only a side of herself she ever shows in private, when they’re both dressed to the nines in $20 sweat pants their assistants surreptitiously purchased from some nondescript mall. the irony is that if tony ever told anybody he witnessed this, they probably wouldn’t believe him anyway.

nat’s bent over with laughter at the way steve blushes so innocently and how tony can’t quite look away.

“you two,” She wheezes, “are going to be so disgusting oh my god.”

tony slumps farther into the couch, simultaneously relieved and disappointed when steve’s face fades into the shark tank logo then a commercial for hemmorhoid cream. nat doesn’t stop laughing.

“oh shut up,” tony groans, “it’s not my fault i’m not a heartless monster like you.”

nat continues to cackle even after the next entrepreneur struts across their stage.