#like idk I get what they’re going for but I need them to commit a bit harder to the sitcom bc the gritty realistic part is so good and so

[flicklikesstuff]

Have you guys ever thought too hard about Crunchy Chip’s over-the-top avoidance of sweets? Because guess what?

I SURE did-

We all know that eating sweets in the Dark Cacao Kingdom isn’t as unforgivable as Chip makes it out to be. The citadel literally has some sweets stored that Fishgatto took in his benefit before.

Caramel Arrow’s fav drink is literally brown sugar milk tea (Like meeeee :D). Not even Dark Cacao himself is strict on it since he has given Chip a pass on the treats a number of times.

As far as I know, I believe no other Dark Cacao denizen is actually that strict on that rule? (I may be wrong idk)

So then, why is Chip like this?

…….

This is going into more theorising territory, but it’s been heavily implied that Chip has spent his entire life (if not ever since his childhood) in the wild. His voice lines point to this. He lives in the mountains, can set up camp by reflex, hunts with the pack, and overall just has a love for being outside.

Also, most likely raised by wolves even? I feel like his story below was meant to be about how he first met and was saved by Dark Cacao since it parallels the bit when Wildberry shares how he first met and is taken in by Hollyberry. While it’s not stated how old he was in that time, I’m going to assume somewhat young enough near Wild’s age if we’re seeing the two stories as parallels?

(After all, this sequence is meant to show why these two cookies are the best, most loyal options to be entrusted with their monarch’s soul jam. It makes sense to me that they’re parallels of a first-meet.

AGAIN, this is my interpretation only!! This story could really be taken as something else too.)

And I’ve been thinking. Assuming IF Chip has spent his childhood in the wild, he must’ve been isolated from cookie civilisation/cookie social circles for a period of time.

Until he was ‘saved’ and then taken in to train and become a warrior and Cream Wolf Captain. With his childhood spent not growing up in a typical cookie home and instead, his heart being always in tune with the wild more, there’s bound to be some dissociation with his fellow Dark Cacaoians.

(This is also the guy who doesn’t know what a delegation is despite being a man in his mid 30s tops. Adding more into my theory that he’s somewhat detached from society.)

………..

Getting to the point, what if this isolation is the explanation? Chip has mentioned that his job has him needed at the kingdom’s borders, thus making him even more distant from other cookies.

And even then, the others even agree so that his rightful place and the place he’s most expected to be in, is in the mountains.

Not saying that this is a bad thing. Not at all! He loves his job. I’m sure Chip loves being in the mountains with his wolves. He’s mentioned how he’s missed and is fully content being there a bunch.

It’s just that…. Does he ever feel a longing to belong? After all, it’s an ingrained thing to desire connections. Not just with the wolves but also, with his very own people too. Does not growing up among other children cookies just like his other fellow warriors had, ever get to his head sometimes?

Does it ever make him feel….isolated and distant in a sense?

Unless, this could be fixed of course. He could really, really, really commit to the values every warrior should have. And Discipline is one of them! If he’s dedicated to the bit, then he could convince himself that he truly does belong and IS a Dark Cacao warrior.

He’ll prove it if he must! To the king, to the others, to himself!

He feels the need to greatly appeal and prove to Dark Cacao so much that he does have a place in this kingdom after all. Why wouldn’t he? He’s kept strict to every rule and expectation, right??

If we consider that the theory he grew up isolated in the wild as a kid could be true, this means Chip has felt like an outsider ever since he could remember.

Being a Dark Cacaoian by blood/jam. But at the same time, still not fitting in. Its tough. (Not projecting nope.)

Btw, this may or may not reminded me of someone else….

Mr. “Would rather be in the silence of the Royal Gardens than loud-ass parties and talking and I’m fully aware how weird that sounds coming from a Hollyberrian cookie.”

*coughs coughs*

Totally not spreading my Wildchip propaganda but I just thought it’d be neat if they talk about how they love their respective kingdoms and would die to serve them but also-also, it lowkey feels weird and kinda hurts to not actually fit in with your own fellow cookies. Also WHAT, you’re an orphan adopted by your Ancient too???

………….

So anyways, I probs dug too deep into what should’ve been a comedic trivial thing of a character and made it into a mini sad-fest. Whups.

Though, it could also be simply that Chip’s just really dedicated while silly about it buuuuuuuut, that’s not as fun to analyse.

TLDR: “I didn’t have normal childhood like other cookies so I sometimes feel like not truly belonging but that’s not true because I DEFINITELY am a Dark Cacao Warrior and I can prove it by overcommitting to the bit.”

Btw, Happy late Bday Crunchy Chip <3 🎉💖

[thetrialsandtribulationsofeb]

eddie saying “it doesn’t change a thing” to shannon as he tries to hold on to the status quo - the idea of them being a husband and a wife. even though it does change everything, because her pregnancy scare is what drove him to choose her as a romantic partner again. eddie couldn’t make this decision before this “sign,” because as hard as he tries to force himself into something he doesn’t actually want, he can’t commit unless there’s a strong reason for it. unless it’s an obligation, an order to follow, the right thing to do

“that’s got to be a relief, right?” - i’m gonna mostly headcanon here, but i do think it actually was a relief for both of them. shannon was just honest about it, unlike eddie. wanting to get together with someone just because they got pregnant - instead of because you actually want to be each other’s partners - is not it (btw, shannon hate is not allowed on my page. anyone would break in her situation. if eddie deserves forgiveness for running to afghanistan, so does she for running to LA and wanting to break free from the shackles they were both chained to right after high school. my love for messy and complicated characters extends to her too, even though she’s a side character who wasn’t developed as much as the others)

eddie saying “this doesn’t change a thing between us. okay?” to buck as he tries to hold on to the status quo - the idea of them being two platonic best friends. even though it does change everything, because buck’s bisexual awakening is what makes him an option as a romantic partner. but eddie can’t make this decision even with this sign, because there’s a strong reason for it not to change anything - it’s the right thing to do. because he and buck are best friends, and the last time he dated his best friend, it ended in disaster. and also he’s still straight and still mourning his dead wife and chris still needs a woman babysitter/eddie’s girlfriend or whatever other lies he tells himself to ignore something he actually wants

“good. that’s a relief” - considering how buck’s facial expression is the same here as when taylor friendzoned him in “treasure hunt,” it’s not even a headcanon that it’s not actually a relief. for either of them. because both their faces express some kind of sadness and disappointment instead of, idk, being happy and casual about your bestie coming out to you and it not “ruining” your friendship?? it’s like they kind of wanted it to be ruined, but neither of them has the courage to make the first step ’cause there’s too much at stake (and they’re still doing this dance in season 8, but hopefully something starts majorly changing in s9 - though it’s up to the writers)

like, there’s something about eddie being heartbroken in the “shannon asking for a divorce” scene because he thinks that her getting pregnant would seal the deal for them as a couple - since their whole relationship is based mostly on having sex and having a child together (to put it bluntly). even if we imagine them as teenage best friends, they still don’t work as a romantic couple, at least not from what i’ve seen in the show

he’s afraid of what her not being pregnant means for them, so he jumps straight to maintaining that status quo of how he saw their relationship all this time. he doesn’t want things to change because he loves her - or the idea of her - and the idea of them as husband and wife. and he’s not ready to let go of it, even when all the signs throughout the years point to him not actually wanting shannon, and them not being good for each other as a romantic couple (i guess shannon is the water in this juice metaphor eddie has going for himself… sorry, girl)

and then eddie being heartbroken (he literally has the same facial expressions) in the buck coming out scene - because he feels, subconsciously, that buck going on a date with tommy might shift their relationship. because it opens up a possibility of buck having feelings for eddie, which opens up a possibility for eddie to start thinking deeper and reevaluating his feelings for buck. and deep down, the seed of him realizing that he doesn’t want buck to date tommy is being planted. it’s very small, very quiet, but it begins sprouting roots in s8. even if we imagine that all this time they really thought the way they feel toward each other is platonic - ’cause they’re both just really bad at self-reflection and understanding their own feelings (mister “sure, i’ll check out a hot guy’s ass, but that’s normal” and mister “i just hate being forced to date. feels like i have to perform”) - buck’s coming out is probably the moment that made the wheels in their heads finally start spinning

he’s afraid of what buck being attracted to men means - and tommy being gay (idk, i think it’s interesting how contemplative eddie’s face became when he said that. it’s like, wait, was tommy hitting on me? wait, if this is how a gay man hits on another man, what does that mean for me? and this is mostly headcanon too. i’m not claiming that this is what that moment implied. also we didn’t see how exactly the eddie/tommy hangouts went, so we can’t know for sure if tommy was interested in him or not - but it’s a fan headcanon, especially since tommy was supposed to be eddie’s LI at first. still happy they didn’t go down that road ’cause i’m a huge demi gay eddie believer and i don’t think it would fit his character)

so he jumps straight to maintaining the status quo of how he saw their relationship all this time. he doesn’t want things to change because he loves his bestie buck - and the idea of them as best friends - and he’s not ready to let go of it, even when all the signs throughout the years point to him actually wanting buck, and them being good for each other as a romantic couple (buck and chris together as a family are the joy and the juice!)

i just saw a post with these parallels again recently and i wanted to wrap my head around them for so long and i guess this is it

it’s like, both these times, it was about eddie being afraid of change and leaving his comfort zone

only in shannon’s case, the change meant he had to let her go as a romantic partner in order to grow and open himself up to happiness by setting them both free

and in buck’s case, it means he has to let him in as a romantic partner in order to grow and discover the happiness that’s been right in front of him all along

and i guess this post is a continuation of those thoughts

[whoblewboobear]

Started Kevin can F himself and so far every episode it’s me going “oh Annie Murphy pls kill your husband 😣” I hate that man fr.

Also she’s so good bc I’ve only seen her on Schitt’s creek as Alexis (my beloved) and her character here is 💖 I just wanna hug her so bad. The amount of women I know trapped in marriages to a Kevin is a little too real and it makes me so angry on their behalf. I could punch something

[luveline]

Hi Jade ! I loove your sunshine!readers, could I request one for Carmy ? Maybe someone calls her to get to the restaurant when hes feeling anxious to calm him down idk if thats good lol love ya !

ty for requesting <3 fem, 1.4k

Is it The Beef or The Bear? In your head, despite the wishes of everyone who works there (except for Ebra, who seems to have mixed opinions), you always call it The Beef. But the sign brags otherwise, and when you push open the doors, nothing inside is left to remind you of the old restaurant. It was a total gut. 

“Hi, gorgeous,” says a familiar, warm voice. 

You almost walk straight into her table, distracted looking for brown curls through the kitchen door’s little window. “Hey, Tina.” You grin at your second favourite chef. Your most favourite Sous. “You taking a break?” 

She offers you a round butter cookie from a sleeve of them. Her cup of coffee billows with steam. “Uh-huh.” 

“Hiding from a meltdown?” you ask, taking a cookie, fingers oily with butter, sugar grains falling to the floor. 

“It’s not like that,” she says. 

Well, what is it like? you think. 

Richie’s text wasn’t exactly descriptive. Need ur help with the little Bitch, he’d said. Then, when you didn’t answer, ASAP!!!!

You figured it must’ve been another rant. He’s prone to these… episodes of anger where he doesn’t realise he’s spinning out and hurting people who really care about him. You try to bring him out of it, but he’s a Berzatto. They’re all the same, sort of. Everything that’s wrong with them has been stamped into them a long, long time ago. 

He’s been better since Nat steel armed him into AA, but still. You tilt your head to one side, sugar cookie between your fingers, listening for the goings on in the kitchen. “Sydney’s here?” you ask. “I thought she was sick.” 

“Sydney gets sick, but she doesn’t take sick days,” Tina says with a loving shrug. 

You smile at her in brief goodbye for now and make your way to the kitchen, where you push in quietly. All their ‘Behind!’ and ‘Corner!’ and ‘Hands!’ makes you laugh, and you can’t take it seriously so you don’t, but you’re not trying to be dangerous in there either. 

“Hello?” you ask. 

Sydney and Richie look up from a cramped notebook at the table nearest to the door. There are employees you're unsure of prepping vegetables along the wall, but Carmy isn’t anywhere to be seen. 

“Fucking finally,” Richie says, before rubbing his face regretfully. “I’m sorry, it’s just– I texted you an hour ago, babe, you’re letting me down.” 

You laugh. “Sorry, babe,” you tease. “I have a job, just like you.” Your hands are cold where you tuck them under each armpit, crossing your arms. “Hi, Sydney. You feeling okay?” 

“No. He’s stressing me out.” 

“Which one?” 

“Both of them.” She looks like she might rub her face too. “I need him to be in here right now, he should be doing this, but he keeps walking away and– and not saying where he’s going.” 

“He is stressful,” you agree, though usually Carmy’s stress tends to bounce right off of you, “I’m gonna find him and strap him down for you.” 

Sydney just frowns. 

“I’ll see what’s up,” you say more seriously. “In the office?” 

“Out the back,” Richie says. “Smoking like his mother. He’s a fucking steam train lately.” 

It’s like they want to worry you. You give them grateful nods, sorry nods, and start to make your way out of the main kitchen, past the dishwashers and the dessert station to one of the back doors. Carmy isn’t your responsibility. You don’t have to apologise for him, you don’t have to mother him, he should commit to his responsibilities all on his own, but… it’s hard. You like apologising for him because his behaviour isn’t always on purpose, and he struggles with commitment for similar reasons. There’s this aching, stagnated grief in him that’s reawakening, there’s the stress of the restaurant, his business, the scars of the last ten years, and before that. You know it isn’t your job to come here and make him feel better, but isn’t it? When you love someone, it’s half the deal. 

Carmy shouldn’t yell at his friends, or employees. He shouldn’t chain smoke, and he shouldn’t be sitting on the low wall by the dumpsters shaking so hard with his head so low that you can see the first notch of his spine in his shirt. 

“Carmy?” you ask. 

His head ducks further down. You can hear him breathing, not too hard as to alarm you, and yet unrelaxed. 

You smile without thinking. You hate seeing him like this, but looking after him is a pleasure. “Hey, Carmen. Can I sit with you?” 

He forces his face up. “What are you doing here?” he asks. 

Trying to make sure he doesn’t tear another chunk out of Richie. “It’s my lunch break.” 

You perch on the wall beside him and snap your nearly forgotten cookie into two pieces, one side bigger than the other, which you offer him. 

Carmy takes it. Looks at it without expression, though that slowly turns to a dry ire you’ve felt directed your way a hundred times. “What the fuck is this?” 

“Cookie.” 

“I don’t want this.” 

“Could you just eat it?” You put your own half in your mouth in its entirety, all aligned to your teeth. It shatters into sweet, soft crumbs between your teeth. You talk with a hand over your mouth, “It’s not gonna kill you.” 

Carmy looks at it for a long time before he eats it. 

You watch him. He’s more tan than you’d think, that Italian gene kicking in, skin clinging to whatever sunshine it finds. He spends enough time inside that you’re surprised it can muster the energy. He looks better with it though, his curls look gold toned under the sun, and his clenched jaw doesn’t seem so harsh. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask eventually. Almost conversationally. 

“Nothing.” His hand shakes on his thigh. He turns his palm down to clasp his knee. 

“You sure?” 

“No.” 

“That one’s my favourite.” 

“What?” 

You poke toward a tattoo on his hand. It’s a simple flower, same style as most of his tattoos. “I like it ‘cos it’s just a flower.” 

“My least pretentious,” he guesses. 

“Something like that.” 

He tips his head back. 

“Richie texted me. He thinks I’m gonna… like, I’m gonna calm you down, I guess.” 

“You always do,” he says. 

You give him a long, smiley look. “So you’re in love with me?” you ask warmly, pushing up into a knee to wrap your arm behind him, hugging him before he can move away. “You’re totally fucked for me, Berzatto, that’s fucking crazy.” 

“Fuck off,” he laughs. 

You rub his arm, his skin hot in your hold. He touches your waist very, very lightly. “What am I supposed to do, anyway? I can’t cook. You and Syd are on your own.” 

“You already… already did enough.” He grabs your waist where you wobble on the brick wall, grit biting your knees, his hand comparatively soft. 

“Such a crush on me,” you tease in a whisper, his hair crushed under your cheek. 

You’re tempted to kiss his temple, but affection with Carmy is like oil and water sometimes. You give him a last protective squeeze and sit yourself down again. 

“Carm,” you say, “you know you can call me, right? Like, if you don’t feel okay.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” 

“Or text me. If that’s easier. It’s hard to say hard things out loud.” 

He laughs again. “Sorry.” 

“I know, I don’t– I don’t seem like I know what you’re talking about, I get it, but I do understand. N’ even if I didn’t, I don’t mind listening. Or laughing at you.” 

“What’s that about?” 

“The laughing?” you ask. “You tell me.” 

His hand slides behind your back in half a hug. “Guess it’s funny.” 

“Can I change my mind about the tattoo?” 

“The flowers not your favourite?” 

“No. You know which one I like best?” 

His thumb rubs into your back. “The snail.” 

“Absolutely the snail. You’re so fucking silly sometimes, I’m supposed to take you seriously when you’re yelling and red in the face with a snail on your arm?” 

You can’t see his face with your cheek to his shoulder, won’t know that he’s smiling at you with a rare aura of peace. Can’t see the wanting, either. 

[uniquethingtastemaker]

Jade x Reader – Commit to the Bit

Summary: After escaping Scarabia and crash-landing in Monstro Lounge during Chapter 4, you form a deeper relationship with Octavinelle’s vice leader. The Reader’s bold moves pique Jade’s interest. The two are equally committed to keeping up their acts to maximize the most hilarious reactions from their friends. No matter how big the trick is they always “Commit to the Bit,” and some pranks turn into fact instead of a facade. 

Word Count: 12.5k+

Author’s Note: This wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for @solxamber. I told her my idea and she became invested. It pushed me to finish this. Somehow it’s turned into this monster of a piece. I had a splendid time with this. Please comment and enjoy!

Tags: @marsinrain @solxamber idk who else to tag lol

You and Grim scream at the top of your lungs as Kalim’s flying carpet rockets past different sceneries. You hear Scarabia students shouting after you. However, no human is a match for an out-of-control, speeding carpet. 

“We’re gonna hit the mirror!!” Grim shrieks. 

You grip your companion as you fly through. You know you won’t slam into glass but you also don’t know where you’ll land. The two of you exit the hot desert and are flung into darkness. With no ability to see or steer, you crash into something. 

You groan. Thankfully you landed on something soft. It feels like a couch. 

“Grim, are you ok?” You call out. 

The cat whines, “No, but I’m alive.”

“It’s better than being tortured and imprisoned in Hellabia,” you comment, before asking. “Where are we?”

Lights flick on. You wince, shielding from the unexpected brightness. A distinct voice echoes out.

“Oya, I was wondering who would be here at this time of night.”

Your head snaps up to see the tweels. A twinkle glitters in your eyes. 

“Oh, thank god, it’s someone menacing!” you exclaim, “Plus, you’re in debt to us for stopping Azul’s overblot and you’ll find our situation interesting.”

You watch Jade’s eyes widen at your rapid-fire enthusiasm. Even Floyd seems momentarily lost for words. It’s not unexpected. Every time you’ve interacted with the trio, you’ve been reserved. The group seemed more trouble than they were worth. While you gravitate to interesting circumstances and people, you’ve been entertained by the overblots. It didn’t seem necessary to seek out the tweel tricksters and their con artist boss. However, your circumstances have changed. 

You want revenge on Scarabia and you've fallen right into the perfect predator’s lap. This trio is vindictive and vicious. They like throwing people off for fun. They’re exactly what you need. 

You haven’t sought vengeance on the other overblot students because you haven’t been directly involved. If you were, you knew you could get out of it. It was another riveting problem you needed to solve. You weren’t affected by Riddle. You don’t have magic and you’re not in Heartslabyul. For Leona, you can’t play Magical Shift. Ruggie’s magic didn’t hurt you. You didn’t make a terrible deal with Azul. You just had to get your dumb friends out of a bad situation lest you die of complaints. You weren’t worried about Ramshackle, because you had the skill to get it back. You were the one who planned Azul’s ultimate demise after all. With Scarabia though, they put you through torture. They forced you to walk across the desert. They caught you multiple times trying to escape and you’re not letting that go. 

Therefore, you’re throwing away all pretenses to recruit these slippery fish folk. If anyone would be on board this ship, it would be the Octavinelle trio. 

You barrel on, summarizing. “We just escaped Scarabia prison. They kidnapped us, locked us up for over a week, and forced us into inhuman slavery with the excuse of “training!” Plus, a coup is about to happen. Something’s fishy and it’s not you.”

You get up, walking toward the twin, bubbling in excitement. Before either of them can respond, another person speaks up. It’s the languid and steady voice of a businessman. 

“A coup?” Azul inquires.

You glance at him and nod. 

“The Scarabia students aren’t happy with Kalim’s treatment. They want Jamil to usurp him,” you briefly explain, before adding. “You know why that’s strange.” 

The dorm leader gives a thoughtful hum before a group of Scarabia students burst through the door. 

“We found you, thieves! There’s nowhere to run now,” one of them declares.

You step closer to Jade and retort, “Wrongful imprisonment and mistreatment of workers is a crime. We took dire measures to escape. Grim and I aren’t a part of your dorm. Jamil invited us. If you were good hosts, you’d respect the wishes of your guests and let them leave when they become uncomfortable. I have video evidence.” 

The last part was a lie, but you wanted to provoke them. You pull out your phone and wave it around. You’re curious to see how the twins will react.

One hot-blooded student lunges for your device. You “yelp,” jumping behind the quieter twin. In a flash, Jade has their wrist in a crushing hold. 

“When it comes to recording illegal activity, as long as the person recording does not interfere, it’s submissible in court,” Jade dictates in a smooth and steady voice. 

His eyes narrow in delight as his victim’s hand turns blue due to lack of circulation. The student pales. 

Another boy argues, “They stole Kalim’s magic carpet. Theft is a crime too.”

“Besides, this isn’t any of your business! Back off,” someone else interjects. 

There’s a collective agreement when Azul cuts in. 

“Based on the prefect’s testimony, we’ve offered them sanctuary. Until we’ve investigated this matter, Octavinelle will keep Kalim’s magic carpet,” the dorm leader details before giving a deadly smile, “For now, you’re in our territory. I’ll kindly ask you to leave. If you don’t do it willingly, I have no problem forcing you.”

One of the students grits his teeth and barks, “They stole Kalim’s carpet! Do you know how precious it is?”

You speak up, “Yes, and because Octavinelle is sheltering us, they’ll want to ensure his carpet is returned in pristine condition. It would be embarrassing if there were any blemishes they didn’t catch. They’re incredibly benevolent and would want to compensate Kalim.”

You’re about to reassure them you’ll give it back tomorrow when you notice something. Your crash landing destroyed some tables. Azul would never let that go. You change your goal and escalate the situation.

“Although, it is pathetic that there are so many of you and you’re scared of two people, a magicless student, and their cat. Your attitudes are a reflection of your dorm. Perhaps, you deserve the grueling treatment Kalim subjects you to. Maybe you can learn how to be mentally stronger,” you taunt. 

It has the desired effect. The Scarabia students attack. You grin and snatch the carpet. Before you move, you see Grim lining up to fire. You pick him up by the scruff of his neck and slide up to Azul. 

“Why are you taking me away?” Grim cries, kicking the air. “I want to fight too!”

“If you attack them, we’re at a disadvantage. They could claim we used force as well. It’s better to let the tweels handle it,” you reply, before whispering in his flaming ear. “I don’t fancy paying Octavinelle for property damage. If you don’t want to become fish food, keep quiet.”

Grim squeaks and nods. You place him down, pat his head, and watch the battle. The place becomes a mess. Your initial damages blend in with the landscape. 

You’ve always admired the twins’ fighting style. They get up close and personal, bashing people into walls and tables. The combination of physical power and magical prowess is unique, effective, and intimidating. It sends people running. 

“You should bill Kalim for compensation,” you suggest to Azul, “He’s their dorm leader. It’s supposedly on his orders that Grim and I were held hostage.”

The man grits his teeth, “You intentionally provoked them. We won’t get any money if the carpet is damaged.” 

“It’s not. We can check now,” you reassure.

You turn and walk to the bar. You smirk to yourself. He didn’t notice your crash-landing. You distracted him with the potential coup and later the Scarabia mob blocked his line of sight. Now, you’re off the hook.

You lay the magic carpet on the counter. 

“Carpet, are you hurt in any way?” You question. 

The animated object’s tassels shake a no. 

You request, “Perfect. Just in case, can we look over you?” 

It moves its tassels up and down and flops onto the counter. You laugh at the action. Pulling out your phone flashlight, you ensure there are no imperfections. A scream and snap resound behind you. You and Azul ignore it. Floyd cackles with a crazed edge and a sinister chuckle comes from Jade. 

You feel Grim press against your leg. Glancing down, you grab him and put him on a bar stool. You ask the carpet to flip itself so you can inspect the back more closely.

“This is incredible quality,” Azul states, running his fingers across the fabric. 

You can practically hear the money signs in his voice. 

You roll your eyes. “Do you doubt the Al-Asim’s wealth?” 

“No! I’m just admiring the business opportunity,” he answers. 

Something thuds beside you. You look down to find a struggling Scarabia student on the floor. You stare. You’ve covered up your part of the crime and it’s illegal for them to trespass on private property. You deem it fine to enact violence before slamming your foot into his face. 

The student yells, clutching his broken nose. You kick him a few feet away. Once he’s out of range, you casually turn back to the Octavinelle house warden. 

“You said you were providing us sanctuary. I expect you to uphold your statement,” you tell him. 

The sophomore stares at you with an open mouth. You continue the conversation for him.

“If you can’t tell, I’d like to get revenge on these people. In addition, this is good for you. If we figure out what’s wrong with Kalim, he’ll owe you a debt. Your bodyguards will be invested because it causes chaos. There’s no down–” 

A hand brushes your ankle.

You pin it under your foot before the perpetrator latches on. You slowly turn your gaze to the ground. It’s the scum you left a shoe imprint on. How cute. 

You give a soft smile and swivel your heel into his hand. There are a few cracks.

“Did you know that there are 27 bones in the human hand?” you ask, leaning down. “That’s about one-quarter of all the bones in your body. They’re also some of the most painful to break because they have the most nerve endings. It’s been used as a torture method to get people to confess.”

The teenager’s free hand shoots out to grab your other ankle. A deadly spark flickers in your eyes. You snatch the extremity and extend it above his body until you hear a pop. His shoulder dislocates. You send another warm smile. It’s so out of place, it’s uncanny. 

“You haven’t learned your lesson, have you? That’s ok. I’m a great tutor. Carpet, please move away from me and the fight,” you request. 

You watch the magic item fly away and turn back to the Scarabia member. 

“For the record, Kalim sent you, correct? I must ensure Azul sends the bill to the right person. I don’t want to be liable for any damages to the Monstro Lounge,” you explain condescendingly. 

Instead of answering, your victim spits at you. Your eyes widen. You keep your calm and sweet expression. 

“You just signed your ticket to hell,” you sing before stomping his groin.

You use his moment of vulnerability to yank him up. You open his jaw, place it on the edge of the bar, and crack your elbow over his head. Controlling your strength, you make sure he only breaks some teeth. You don’t want to kill him. 

“Woaaah! Shrimpy's got some moves!” Floyd cries behind you. 

You flash a brilliant grin. Jade looks at you with wide eyes before narrowing into a thrilled shimmer. They’ve dealt with the students on their side. Everyone watches you, so you put on a show. 

Pulling your victim off the counter, you throw him onto a nearby seat. You pluck the magic pen off him and toss it to Grim. 

“Now you can experience what it’s like to be a magicless student,” you comment, rummaging through his pockets. “Although, you got beat up by me despite having magic. It’s quite embarrassing.” 

The boy is too terrified to stop you. You remove his wallet and flip through the different cards he has.

“In addition to losing against me, you lost Kalim’s carpet and—Ooh, a gift card.” 

You pocket it and take out the wad of cash. You leave his ID and credit card. It’s more trouble than it’s worth to steal someone’s credit or debit card. If you use it, it can be tracked. On the other hand, gift cards and physical money are safe. 

You continue, “You failed to recapture Grim and I. You should probably keep quiet for now and figure it out what to do in the morning. It’s late. Despite your injuries, you’ll have to walk through the desert tomorrow. You need all the sleep you can get. Hopefully, you have a medic on hand.”

After shaking the boy down you snatch his magical pen from your cat. You tuck it back into his shirt pocket and pat it.

“I’ll return this to you so people won’t question why you don’t have it. Be grateful for the small things.” You smile before shoving him out of his seat and onto the floor. 

You toss the wallet on his limp body. After making sure there’s no blood on the bar stool, you replace him and cross your legs. When nobody moves, you glance at the mob. 

“You should grab him before he bleeds out,” you suggest.

Two Scarabia students scurry up to help their fallen comrade and scuttle out the door. 

Jade slides up beside you.

“That was impressive, [Y/N]. Where did you learn to fight like that?” The quieter twin asks. 

Floyd grins, skipping over. “Shrimpy’s awesome! I haven’t seen anyone be that ruthless in a while.”

“My family taught me,” you shrug, before addressing Azul. “Do you have a room Grim and I can sleep in tonight?” 

The octopus pushes his glasses up, regaining his composure from the intense shock. 

The house warden answers, “No, we don’t, but—” 

“--That’s fine. I’ll sleep with Jade.”

It takes a moment for the others to process your words. Azul is the first to react. 

“WHAT?!?!” He screams.

Jade’s eyes blow wide as they look at you, stunned. Floyd’s voice is caught in his throat. It takes everything in you to keep a straight and innocent face. To distract yourself from laughing, you reach down to pick up Grim. You hold him out to Floyd. 

“You can have Grim. He’s a great cuddler,” you tell him, before glancing at his twin. “You share a room, right?”

Jade slowly nods. 

You bob your head and shove your cat into Floyd’s arms. Hopping off your seat, you grab the quieter eel.

“You’re ok with it, right?” you confirm. 

The man looks torn between asking if you’re sure and agreeing for fun. Your decision to share a bed with a distant, borderline-deadly acquaintance is a wild and concerning move. You can tell he’s worried for your safety and sanity. 

Azul interrupts, yelling, “You can sleep on the couch!”

“But I want to sleep on a bed,” you argue, before asking him. “Do you want to share with me?” 

“Ew, no,” the octopus responds. 

“Well, I’m not rooming with Floyd. Jade’s my best choice,” you say, “Let’s go. I’m tired and we have to get revenge in the morning.” 

You drag the chosen twin out the door without waiting for anyone else. 

From behind you, Floyd chortles, “Shimpy is bold! I guess you’re sleeping with me, Baby Seal.” 

Grim cries out in distress.

Jade leads you to their bedroom. It’s obvious which section is his.

Walking over to his bed, you ask. “Do you have a preference on which side you sleep on?”

“No, I don’t.” The vice leader shakes his head.

Floyd busts in, clutching a dead-faced Grim. 

“We’re having a sleepover,” he squeals, launching at you. 

You slip behind Jade, but he dodges. Your eyes widen as the chaotic eel barrels toward you. You tackle the vice leader to avoid him. 

Both of you fall on the bed as he lets out a surprised sound. 

“Dogpile!” Floyd shouts. 

He jumps and knocks the wind out of you. Grim screeches as he’s smooshed. The taller twin laughs and you can’t help but chuckle too. It turns into a full-blown cackle at the absurd situation. Factoring in your earlier stunt, you lose it. 

You can’t breathe but it doesn’t stop you from wheezing, “Your faces when I said I’d sleep with Jade! You were so surprised. Azul’s reaction was gold. I had to fight so hard to keep a straight face, but it was worth it.”

You grip Jade’s shoulders, shaking. Tears begin streaming down your face. Your giggle fit continues as you shove Floyd off you. The Octavinelle student laughs alongside you and even Jade joins in. 

Grim tries to stay silent, frowning, because you left him with Floyd. However, the air is too infectious. He can’t help but snicker too. 

It takes a while before you can speak. You sigh as your laughter passes. You turn to Jade. 

“Imma get ready for bed. I need all my energy to fulfill my retribution,” you state, sitting up. “Do you have an extra toothbrush and can I borrow some pajamas?” 

Jade nods, standing up to fetch the requested items. 

Floyd complains next to you. “I wanna stay up~!” 

“We’re having a two-day sleepover. Maybe even more. We’re infiltrating Scarabia tomorrow. I’m sure we’ll be too busy planning dastardly schemes to get much sleep anyway,” you reason. 

The fictitious eel weighs his options before agreeing, “Ok! I still have Baby Seal to keep me company.” 

Floyd grabs Grim and squeezes. Your cat squeaks and looks at you desperately. You turn away, feigning ignorance, as you take Jade’s pajamas and the extra toiletries. 

“I’ll get you for this,” Grim promises, as Floyd takes him to his side of the room. 

You look at the offered sleepwear. It’s a set of turquoise silk pajamas. You rub your thumb along it. They’re soft. 

“Thank you,” you tell him, “I’ll be quick.” 

After completing your nighttime routine, you slip back into the room. Heading to the light switch, you focus on Jade’s bed. Once you’ve mapped your path, you flick it off and dive. Crashing into his body, your bedmate lets out an “oof.”

“You’ve done that twice tonight. You can’t keep your hands off me,” he teases, amused.

“You’re interesting and like to mess with people. Why wouldn’t I want to be close to you?” you throw back.

He’s quiet as you climb over him, taking the space closest to the wall and furthest from Floyd. If the ball of eccentric energy attempts to approach you in your sleep, you can use his twin as a shield.

Once you settle in, the vice leader speaks up.

“I could strangle you in your sleep,” he threatens in a low voice.

You raise an amused eyebrow. “You could but you won’t.”

“Why do you think so?” Jade questions. 

“I’m more entertaining alive than dead or hurt,” you answer with confidence. 

Burrowing yourself into the covers, Jade hums. “You have no sense of self-preservation.”

“Maybe I’m just good at picking people,” you reply.

“You have strange tastes,” he responds. 

“If I have strange tastes, then you’re a hypocrite,” you retort with a smile. 

Turning toward the wall, you let sleep overtake you.

————————

You’re a light sleeper. Thankfully, you’re only interrupted a few times. It’s better than sharing a bed with Grim. Unlike your cat companion, Jade is still. However, there are moments when you regain consciousness.

You feel the Octavinelle student shift. He drapes an arm over your midsection, pulling you in. You feel his warmth against your back. Your breath catches as you try to calm your racing heart. Despite your previous bravo and nonchalant attitude, you feel attracted to the twin. You take deep breaths and concentrate on deciphering if Jade is asleep. It’s important for your analysis. After a few minutes, you conclude he is unconscious. You raise your eyebrows. That's a surprising and good sign. 

The stunt you pulled was a test. You wanted to see if Jade would cross any boundaries. He’s a wild card. You’re certain Floyd would choose his whims over your needs. However, his twin was more restrained or at least clear-headed during social interactions. 

Before committing to your romantic pursuit, you need to know if the other person respects you. It’s a key factor in a lasting relationship. You’re not interested in a fling. You want a long-term partner. Jade piques your interest and you want to know if he’s a good match. The sophomore passed the first test. In light of that, you reward him.

Gently flipping over, you nuzzle into his arms. The man is surprisingly warm. Before you drift into dreamland, you wonder if it’s an adaptation to the cold sea climate. 

———————————

Warm arms leave your side. You groan, grabbing onto Jade’s shirt. 

“What time is it?” you question, bleary-eyed. 

“6:30,” Jade states, stopping his retreat.

It sounds like he’s been awake for a while. You revel in the fact he didn’t move your positions. It’s another positive mark. You don’t let on to your thoughts.

“It’s way too early, but Scarabia starts walking at 8,” you grumble, “It’s one more reason to get back at them. However, I want to look good while doing it. I need to give off an innocent vibe.”

Your voice is still ragged from sleep and you slink your arms around Jade. 

“Innocent?” the vice leader questions, “After you tore through that poor soul?” 

“I gotta plan,” you mumble, burying your face into his chest. 

Jade stiffens before tentatively relaxing. You resist the urge to smirk. The eel is intuitive. You appreciate a quick-minded and observant individual. It looks like the Octavinelle student is insightful enough to know that you’re up to something and to follow your lead.

You continue, complaining, “I don’t wanna get up.”

You keep it down, not wanting to wake up Floyd. Thinking about the room's other occupants, you peek past Jade to see the other bed. 

Floyd is sprawled out with the sheets half kicked off him. Grim lies on his chest fast asleep. You smirk. You have to take a picture of this, but the bed and Jade are comfy. 

You huff and scrunch your nose. Taking a breath of fortitude, you give your snuggle buddy one last squeeze, before slinging yourself over him. With the grace of a cat, you avoid getting caught in the covers and place your feet on the floor in silence. 

Unbeknownst to you, your chosen eel follows your figure with the eyes of a predator. 

Walking over to grab your phone, you pad to the left side of the room. You ensure the ringer is silenced before taking multiple pictures of the cute duo. When you turn back to Octavinelle’s vice leader, he’s half sitting up, gazing with a smirk. 

The teenager’s hair sticks up all over the place. You turn the camera to him and snap a photo. A smile is still plastered on his face but his head tilts, planning payback. You roll your eyes. You’re not interested in being a victim of the twin’s antics yet. Plopping beside him, you grab his shoulder and pull him closer. You flip the camera to selfie mode and take photos of you and the eel. There’s a soft smile on your face and an entertained smirk on Jade’s. Both of you look equally ridiculous and disheveled. 

“Now we’re even,” you whisper, “What’s your phone number? I don’t want you to think I’m holding this hostage. It’s only fair you have them too.” 

Jade raises his eyebrows, impressed by your smooth way of getting his number. He enters his contact info into your device and hands it back. With a few taps, you send him the captured memories. 

“We should get ready,” you sigh. 

“Indeed. Although, I don’t know how you’re going to pull off an innocent look,” he comments, smirking. 

—--------------

The Octavinelle trio, the Ramshackle duo, and the magic carpet enter Scarabia. The five humanoids are blasted by hot air.  

Floyd laments, “It feels like the middle of summer. I’m going to dry out at this rate.” 

You perk up, curious. 

“Are your body temperatures higher than regular humans because you all live in a colder climate?” you question. 

Azul turns to you, surprised. 

“Yes, we do. How do you know?” he replies. 

You focus on maintaining a straight face. Out of everyone’s reactions last night, Azul’s was the most entertaining.

“Jade was incredibly warm when we cuddled,” you reveal. 

The businessman’s eyes bulge out and he coughs. You clench your teeth, resisting the urge to laugh. The gentlemanly twin is unable to resist and enhances your performance. 

He puts an arm around your waist and confirms, “They were rather cool, so it didn’t bother me. Their hair also smells nice. It’s a mix of [whatever scent you like, but it’s very specific. Weirdly specific].” 

You’re torn between being flattered, concerned about how descriptive he is, and laughing at the fantastic response. The Octavinelle dorm leader stares at the two of you horrified and wary. Floyd gleefully cackles beside you. 

“Jade is down bad, and Shrimpy is making the moves~! No wonder Azul’s terrified. He just gained another of us,” the chaotic twin crows, bumping into you. 

Floyd throws an arm around your shoulder. The twins squish you on either side. They tower above you with mischievous and deadly smiles.

“I hope you’re not leaving anytime soon. You’re too interesting and my brother likes you,” the basketball player sings, “If you try to escape, I’ll have to squeeze ya.” 

You smirk back, looping your arms around their backs. You pull them in. They lean down, excited by the impromptu team huddle. 

“You’re much more fun to work with than I thought. As long as we’re all in agreement, I’ll stick around as long as you like. Besides, Azul’s reactions are more than enough to get me to stay,” you say. 

You gesture at the lone Octavinelle sophomore. His eyebrows scrunch, attempting to factor your brand of insanity into his plans. The house warden notices your gazes and glares at the three of you. 

He pushes up his glasses and declares, “We have a coup to stop, business deals to make, and a mystery to solve. Let’s get going.” 

The octopus spins on his heels and stalks forward. The eels and you straighten to attention, falling into your roles. As you walk closer to the elaborate building, Azul relaxes into his usual over-the-top attitude. He glances behind and finds perfect and docile assistants. You hear a sigh of relief. 

Eventually, you’re close enough to hear the Scarabia students from last night’s fight. They took your advice and haven’t told anyone. Putting on your best acting face, you pretend to look at the Leech twins in fear. There’s a mirthful sparkle in Jade’s eye and Floyd is ecstatic to see what will happen. Without waiting, he shoves you forward. 

“Go and tell them what you need to, Shrimpy,” the embodiment of chaos elogates. 

His voice catches the residents’ attention. They stiffen at the sight of your quartet. You make your body small and unthreatening. You put your arms close to your chest, strengthening the effect. You spare the school mafia one more hesitant glance. 

Floyd urges you in a threatening tone, “Tell them what you need to and make it quick.”

He puts a hand on his other shoulder, tilting his head. He wears the disconcerting expression of a wild predator about to snap. 

“Be grateful we’re allowing you to do this much,” Jade chimes in with a similar grin.

You hurry to the beat-up students and start apologizing. 

“I’m so sorry for what happened yesterday. I was scared you would take Grim and me. I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. The person I should be mad at is the one making you do these inhuman acts. However, I can’t help but feel there’s something wrong with Kalim. He’s usually so outgoing and kind,” you start.

“I want to help your dorm. I need to make up for what I did and leaving you all to endure this torture isn’t right. As someone who experienced it first-hand, I want to stop this. However, I paid a heavy price to get some help,” you lie.

You slightly gesture to the Octavinelle trio. Based on the Scarabia students’ expressions, the mobsters are as intimidating as ever. 

You plead your case, “I’m getting Azul and the twins to help me investigate, but we need to make sure our cover isn’t blown. Please pretend you didn’t see anything last night.” 

You give a strained smile before pulling out a healing potion and presenting it to the student you hurt. 

You bow. “Again, I’m sorry. Please accept this as part of my apology.” 

Your ploy works like spreading hot butter on toast. 

“We’ll keep quiet,” one of them assures, “Thank you for helping. You’re doing everyone a favor. There are no hard feelings about your attack.” 

“Now that you mention it, you were the one who helped solve the incident in Heartslabyul,” another points out. 

“Oh my god, they were! Didn’t they also solve the slavery issue in Octavinelle too?” someone asks. 

“That must be where they became in debt to them,” one individual surmises. 

They rally around you, buying into your lie and creating a story for you. They believe you’re a saint sent from the heavens. They don’t doubt your intentions at all. 

“If you need anything, let us know. We’ll support you to the best of our abilities,” the last reassures. 

You give a shaky and appreciative smile. “Thank you. I have one request. If something weird happens between the Octavinelle trio and me, it’s all part of the plan. I ask that you not to give anything away or oppose what’s happening.” 

The Scarabia students immediately agree when Azul cuts in. 

“[Y/N], we need to find Kalim,” he dictates. 

You pretend to jump. You wave to your new followers and scramble back to your party. When you turn your back to the fools, you smirk at your fellow tricksters. Jade sends an approving nod as Floyd gives a joyful grin. 

A familiar voice comes around the corner. 

“It’s almost time for morning training,” Jamil warns, “Kalim will lose it if you’re la—”

The vice leader stops upon seeing the out-of-place sea folk. He narrows his eyes. Before he can say anything, Azul gives a signature business greeting. 

“Jamil! Good morning. How are you on such a fine day?” he questions with a lavishing voice. 

The Scarabia vice leader stares with a slightly annoyed and skeptical frown.

“Azul Ashengrotten with the Leech Twins,” he addresses, before asking. “What are you doing here?”

You speak up, “I brought them.”

Jamil furrows his brows. “Why?”

You move, allowing him to see Grim and the magic carpet. The brunette’s eyes grow wide.

“The magic carpet escaped. Grim and I were able to grab it just before it took off. However, it ended up dragging us through the mirror and into Octavinelle. They insisted we stay the night and return it together,” you start. 

Azul seamlessly takes the baton and continues, “We want to personally deliver it to Kalim. It’s a national treasure. If someone were to find fault with it and claim it was Octavinelle’s fault, I’d have no end of trouble.” 

Jamil purses his lips. “Kalim doesn’t care about something like that. You can give it–” 

“--There’s no need for you to pay the 20% labor fee for returning a lost item,” the dorm leader adds.

The whole crew chips in. 

“We heard about your training and wanted to talk to Kalim about it,” Jade comments. 

“We also brought seafood pizza,” Floyd drawls with a grin. 

“And snacks!” Grim adds.

“Anyway, I’d like to hand this to him directly. I assume he’s awake?” Azul finishes. 

After being pelted with rapid-fire statements, Jamil closes his eyes and denies the request again. 

“I’m telling you he’s in a bad—Hey! You can’t just walk in here!“

Azul strides past the protesting Scarabia student. Your party follows the Octavinelle leader inside. 

—----------------

“The Ramshackle Prefect informed us you’re training over the winter holidays. The three of us happen to be stuck at school too. Isn’t this a perfect opportunity to deepen Octavinelle and Scarabia’s bonds through joint training?” Azul suggests to Kalim.

The sunshine student lights up. “That sounds like a great idea! I’d love to have you over!” 

Jamil cuts in with a harsh voice. 

“I’m against it. Octavinelle is a rival dorm. It would put us at a disadvantage if we let the enemy come in and learn our tricks,” he advises, crossing his arms.

The wealthy teen looks at his subordinate with a relaxed grin. 

“‘Enemy’ is a bit much. Besides, didn’t you invite the Ramshackle dorm?” the sophomore points out. 

Jamil purses his lips. 

“I suppose you’re right,” he admits, before turning a stern glare onto the mafia trio. “I’m saying this for you as well, Azul. I know how much you value your grades.” 

The businessman sighs, looking downcast. “I suppose you’re right. We should make our way back. Good luck with your training.” 

The three of them turn around solemnly. You know what the next step of the plan is. They’re going to make themselves look pitiful. However, that wouldn’t be any fun. You can’t wait to see Azul’s facial expression to your next surprise. 

“Wait!” You stop them in a heartfelt tone. 

The trio glances at you, but you’re already looking at Kalim. You have a pleading expression. 

“Kalim, I’m determined to stay here until the end of winter break. Grim and I were thrilled whenever Jamil invited us. We are often stuck alone in our dorm, isolated. Scarabia is so lively and we’ve made great friends. We want to foster those connections, but…” you trail off. 

You mentally steel yourself and look at Jade. In your peripheral vision, you watch Azul stiffen and clench his teeth. Floyd gives the widest grin you’ve ever seen and Jade stares in amusement. 

“I miss my boyfriend,” you finish. 

You barely save yourself from laughing by breaking eye contact with Octavinelle’s vice leader. 

You continue, rambling. “It’s ok if you can’t allow that–” 

“No!” Kalim shouts, “I cannot break up a couple like this! Azul is one of the best mages at this school. If we let them stay, Scarabia will benefit. I’d sully the Al-Asim name if I turned you all away. Plus, I have to know how you got together.” 

Jamil is too stunned to retort. There’s a brief moment of silence where typically Azul would speak up. However, he’s too busy containing his rage and annoyance to do anything. 

Jade replies, heading over to your side. “Kalim, thank you. I’ve missed my significant other dearly during this time. You’ve done us a great favor.” 

Azul gets his wits about him and puts on a business smile. It’s slightly taut, but he retains his drama and butters up the wealthy student. 

“Yes, you are a truly kind and warm-hearted person! I will teach you everything I know,” he promises. 

“Floyd and I are happy to assist with any cooking and cleaning,” Jade adds, snaking his arm around your waist. 

You catch Azul glaring at the action before covering it with an elegant smile. 

Floyd chips in. “Yeah, we’re old pros from working at the Lounge.” 

“That’ll be a great help! Jamil won’t have as much work anymore. He already does so much for me,” the embodiment of sunshine beams. 

Jamil speaks up with a calculated expression. 

“I don’t need any help, but I didn’t know you were together. When did you start dating?” the vice leader drawls.

“I want to know too! You have to tell us everything!” Kalim jumps in. 

He urges your party to sit. You move in tandem with your “boyfriend.” Sitting close together, Jade puts a hand behind you and leans into your figure. You copy his behavior and rest yourself on his shoulder. The Scarabia house warden squeals at your intimate position while Jamil narrows his eyes, skeptical. 

On Jade’s left is a smug Floyd. He looks at Jamil with a confident smirk. He knows the two of you won’t break. Next to him, Azul regrets his life choices and plots to kill the two of you in private. 

“How did you get together?” Kalim questions with twinkling eyes.

Jade chuckles, “I caught an interest in the prefect after Azul’s overblot. They were the mastermind behind his demise and I had to learn more. I ended up finding them in the greenhouse one day. We were both looking for the same ingredients for potions class. They asked me a few questions and I mentioned my terrariums. They were more enthusiastic than I expected, so I showed my hobby to them. [Y/N] wanted to help. I wasn’t opposed to the idea, so we spent time together. We bonded over shared interests.” 

Jamil interrupts, “I can’t see you dating just because of plants. What other interests do you share? The two of you are quite different.” 

Jade hums, placing his head on top of yours. You take the hint and nuzzle into him. 

“You’re right. We do enjoy more physical activities.” 

Azul squawks, his glasses going askew. Floyd cackles, clapping. Grim glances at you with a complicated and borderline disgusted expression. Jamil’s mouth falls open at the bold choice and Kalim fanboys.��

You scoff, lightly smacking your chosen eel. “You didn’t have to admit that.”

“I know you like it,” he replies. 

Kalim continues the interview. “Jade, what do you like most about [Y/N]?” 

He gives a thoughtful look.

“They’re unassuming at first glance, but they’re an incredible strategist and tactician. They’re unpredictable,” he details. 

Jamil hums, “So that’s why you’re interested.” 

He turns to you and provokes, “I suggest you don’t place all your hopes and dreams on him. You’re just a passing fancy.” 

Your eyes widen, genuinely offended. Jade grips your midsection and wraps his other arm across your torso. He keeps his ever-present smile, but it has a deadly edge. You lean into him.

Jade responds for both of you. 

“Nobody asked for your opinion,” he comments, before turning to you. “I want to know what you find attractive about me.” 

A silent understanding passes between the two of you. You want to distract Kalim from Jamil’s comment. The Scarabia vice leader is testing you, but you want to smooth this over. 

In the back of your mind, you think that this dating simulation is going well. You’ll have to continue it for a few more days to gain significant data. However, the odds tilt in Jade’s favor. 

“You’re rather gentlemanly,” you start, before glancing at him. 

You let your eyes wander his face, before going in for the kill. You make sure everyone in the room knows what you’re doing. Your gaze drops from his eyes to his mouth. It lingers for a long time. You tear your focus away and look at Kalim.

“More importantly, he’s interesting. He likes to go along with my plans and I have fun with him,” you say, before adding. “His teeth are just a bonus.” 

Azul jerks forward, having been metaphorically K.O.ed. He glares holes into both of you. You smirk. The businessman’s eyes widen, disturbed. 

You furrow your eyebrows. The sunshine child explains what happened, clapping his hands.

“The two of you are in sync! You made the same facial expression at Azul. You’re fated to be together!” he praises.

You look at your partner with a satisfied grin. The Scarabia vice leader interjects again, displeased.

“[Y/N] is fairly open. Was there any reason you hid your relationship?” he interrogates.

You’ve been waiting for the question.

“Yes,” you sigh, “We thought Azul would disapprove. I was the one who planned his downfall after all. Unfortunately, we were right about his reaction.”

The Octavinelle leader whips toward you, his mouth open and his eyes filled with fire. You ignore him, continuing.

“It all came out last night. Floyd caught us making out. We tried to stop him from telling Azul, but you know Floyd,” you say, giving a helpless smile. “I’m glad you allowed them to stay, Kalim. I worried Jade might get berated if I didn’t return with him. Thank you. We appreciate it.” 

“Anytime!” the Scarabia student waves you off. 

The businessman cuts in to defend his honor. 

“To be fair, I’m mostly shocked by your union,” he states, pushing up his glasses. “I just need time to process. I’ll get used to this new normal eventually.” 

Kalim cheers, “I’m glad Azul is coming around!” 

The sophomore in question scowls. From the corner of your eye, Jamil frowns. The vice leader doesn’t believe you and that’s fine. He won’t catch you or Jade slipping up.

—---------------

You continue the fake relationship for that day, avoiding Jamil’s attempts to prove your lie. That night, Azul almost strangles all of you for the stunt you pulled. You’re quick to distract him. Eventually, Jade and you find the culprit behind Kalim’s “mood swings.” From there, the five of you plan. 

—--------------

You walk with Azul and Grim to Kalim’s bedroom. It’s early in the morning. You want to wake him before his vice leader does.

Azul stops and looks at you. He searches your eyes with a neutral and serious face. 

“Are you playing with him?” he questions. 

You tilt your head with a smile. 

You shake your head. “I’m not, but it’s pretty cute you’re worried.” 

The businessman crosses his arms, giving a light glare. 

“I don’t want my best asset to decrease his productivity because he’s in a slump,” he argues, “He’s the one who deals with social interactions. If he’s not at peak performance, he can’t follow through with my schemes.” 

You give an unconvinced look but don’t push. Instead, you answer the question. 

“I am serious about him. My bold moves at the beginning were mostly tests,” you reveal.

The sophomore pauses, confused. “What?”

“When I suggested sleeping with him, I wanted to see if he would do anything inappropriate or cross any boundaries. I wondered how he would react in a domestic relationship. I got a satisfying answer,” you explain, “The fake dating ploy is to see how well we work as a team. I knew Jamil wouldn’t believe us, so this also gauges how dedicated he can be as my partner.

“I look at romantic relationships like a group project. Two people work toward a shared goal of staying together and supporting one another. Both sides have to put in work to maintain it. It’s efficient to put candidates through trials at the beginning. I don’t want to invest in a poor product,” you chuckle. 

Azul stares at you, mildly impressed. He pushes up his glasses.

“You’re smarter than I gave you credit for,” he comments, “I’m sure Jade has a long-standing interest in you as well.”

You beam, elated. The Octavinelle student shakes his head before walking forward. 

“We have a plan to dislodge,” he reminds you. 

“Indeed,” you chirp, skipping alongside him. 

The businessman sighs, resigned to his fate of you and Jade getting together. 

————————

Everyone stands outside the dorm in the scorching sun, listening to the Octavinelle trio. 

“Skirmishes are good exercise and help relieve stress,” Jade informs. 

Floyd pipes up with his signature elongated vocals. 

“I wanna go wild too! Someone come fight me!” He giggles.

You jump at the opportunity. 

“I want to,” you volunteer, running up. 

“Oooh, Shrimpy’s offering to wrestle with me! Yeah, I’ll do it,” the chaotic twin agrees, “One on one though.”

“Deal,” you grin. 

You look at the Octavinelle’s first and second in command. Azul purses his lips but shrugs, accepting your death, while Jade is amused. 

When you turn away, your fake boyfriend’s eyes narrow, cutting into his brother. It’s a warning. His counterpart laughs. 

“I won’t kill them, Jade. They’re too funny to cripple,” the chaotic twin reassures, throwing his hands up. “I know they’re yours.” 

You glance at the calmer eel. He has a small smile on his face like always. 

“Just be careful, pearl,” he cautions you.

You perk up at the new nickname and nod with a hum. 

“Thanks for looking out for me, sweetheart,” you reply. 

Jade’s eyes flash with satisfaction before returning to normal. 

He chuckles, “I’ll let you and Floyd have your fun. Azul and I will manage the rest of Scarabia.”

“Let’s go!” Floyd chirps, dragging you to a section of sand. 

You take off your shoes and socks, knowing you’ll have a better grip if you go barefoot. In typical Floyd fashion, there’s no start signal. He just runs at you. 

You bend your knees prepared to take him before faking out at the last minute. Wind rushes past you as he misses. However, Floyd’s reaction time is quick. He wheels around to snatch you. You duck and slip under his defenses. You punch into rock-solid abs. The hit doesn’t deter him. You leap back, creating distance and space.

It becomes a game of tag. You deftly dodge, trying to find a weakness, as the chaotic eel runs after you. However, Floyd’s attacks are so randomized, that it’s hard to deduce a pattern. 

Then, your feet slip underneath you. Your eyes widen as warm sand meets your calf. Your opponent materializes in front of you. He blocks the sun like a reaper in a Wild West movie. Floyd shoots toward you. You spray sand into his eyes. The eel jerks back, making an odd noise. It’s a cross between a screech and a groan. 

You take the opportunity to tackle him to the ground. Before you can lock him down, he gives a frenzied laugh. The chaotic twin pulls his knees to his chest and kicks you in the stomach. There’s a burst of light as you’re sent flying. You skid across the sand as Jade roars. 

“FLOYD!”

In moments, the vice leader is by your side. He drops to his knees, checking you over. 

“Are you ok?” Jade asks urgently, “Did you get hurt?” 

You blink and shake your head.

“My stomach hurts, but other than that I’m fine,” you respond.  

Your romantic interest flips your shirt up to look where his brother hit you. Your eyes widen at the brazen action. However, you sober up as you watch Jade’s worried expression. There’s a tinge of frantic concern in his eyes. There’s no visible wound on you.

“There might be some internal injury,” he murmurs to himself. 

Your eel’s hands clench in the sand as he recomposes himself. They’re on either side of you, protecting you from Floyd. You tilt your head and you glance up at the other eel. He gives a sheepish smile. 

With one hand behind his head, he apologizes. “Sorry, Shrimpy. I used magic on you.” 

He waves his magic pen for emphasis. The chaotic twin looks like he wants to come forward and check on you too, but he eyes Jade. He doesn’t move. Your eyes spark and you glance at your fake boyfriend. You’ve read about Moray Eels, they tend to be territorial. You’re glad he’s already so attached to you. It’s a good sign. Your brain kicks back into gear, thinking logically.

“You used magic on me?” you clarify, “I just felt you kick me. Was there supposed to be some other pain?” 

Jade looks up, confused. 

Floyd tilts his head. “Yeah, I threw an ice attack. Are you not cold?” 

You shake your head. 

“No, all I felt was your kick,” you answer. 

The quieter twin hovers over you with a thoughtful look. You stare at him before catching onto his thought process. You call out to the embodiment of chaos. 

“Floyd, can you hit me with that spell again?” you request. 

Jade flinches. He gives a tight and displeased smile. You lean toward him and place a hand on his shoulder. 

“If I can nullify magic, then I can help you more,” you reason, “If Floyd hurts me, you’ll avenge me.” 

The eel’s mouth twitches upward. 

“I’ll be doing that anyway,” he responds. 

“That’s one of the things I love about you,” you chirp. 

You watch Jade’s breath hitch at the word “love.” However, he regains his composure in an instant. He stands up, offering you a hand. 

As the vice leader pulls up you, he instructs Floyd, “Let’s go somewhere a little more private.” 

The three of you move to a more secluded area to test your unexpected constitution.

—--------

After experimenting, Jade ushers you back to change. 

You meet in your shared bedroom again once you’re dressed in your typical outfits. In an instant, he’s all over you. He guides you backward until your knees hit the bed. You voluntarily sit down, looking up at him. The eel takes a moment to admire you in that position. Then, he loops his arms under yours and drags you into the middle of the bed. The vice leader drops beside you, pressing himself against you. 

“Please don’t do that again,” Jade requests, wrapping his arm around you. “Even though we found out vital information, I’m still going to have a long chat with Floyd.” 

You raise an eyebrow. “That’s the code word for beating him up.” 

The vice leader grins. “You know me so well, darling.”

You smirk before relaxing into his hold and staring at him. You take in his mismatched olive-brown and yellow eyes. The ones that turn up at the edges. Despite being in his dorm uniform, he’s ditched the hat on the side table. The one strand of black hair threatens to fall on his face. You catch him lingering on your lips. You smile.

“Once this is all over, will you be my boyfriend?” You ask while tucking the hair behind his ear. 

“Why wait?” Jade questions, pulling you closer.

“Think of Jamil’s reaction upon learning he’s why we got together. We’ll have a dramatic confession in front of everyone,” you respond, “Azul will be horrified.”

Jade responds with a shark tooth grin. 

He hums, “Yes, your plans are thrilling. However, as your fake boyfriend, I deserve some kind of reward for caring about you.”

“Of course.” You lean in to peck him on the lips.

Jade swoops in to deepen it but you slip your hand between you. 

“Not until the grand reveal,” you tell him with a smirk.

He chuckles, amused. “Alright, but I can still do this.”

He nips your fingertips, snatching your hand and kissing the inside of your wrist. Your eyes widen and you feel your pupils dilate. Jade smirks, snaking to your neck. He pries open your collar with his teeth and latches onto your flesh. 

You jolt at the slippery sensation. He moves on top of you to get a better angle. He slips his arms under you, trapping you. You don’t mind. The eel kisses and sucks the hollow of your neck and collarbone. You tilt your head to maximize Jade’s access. You feel him grin, tightening his hold. 

You bathe in the pleasure and let your hands wander along his back. You run your fingers through his hair. The eel hums, confirming he likes the feeling. You feel a little mischievous and give a sharp tug. A puff of hot air hits your neck in surprise. It makes you shiver.

He bites down, hard. You yelp, gripping onto him. You feel his teeth break into your skin. The vice leader swirls his tongue along the wound, lapping the blood. You stifle a moan. The man perks up at the noise. He moves up your neck, kissing it gently. 

“You don’t have to hold back,” Jade purrs. 

You pant, trying to reign in your reactions. 

“What fun would that be?” You retort.

He huffs out a laugh, blowing on the shell of your ear. 

“I’d be delighted to slowly break you, my dear,” your soon-to-be lover whispers. 

You feel your ears and face grow hot from the action as you resist arching into him. You palm his jacket, trying to find something to ground you. 

“That sounds nice,” you admit. 

Jade is right next to your face, nuzzling it. You can’t hold back. You turn to kiss him when a hand blocks you.

“We have to wait until the grand reveal,” he teases. 

You cackle, flipping him over. He allows himself to follow your movements, gazing up at you with satisfied eyes. 

“You’re perfect,” you tell him.

“You are too,” Jade answers softly.

You gaze at him for a moment, basking in the moment. You peck his lips and move to climb off when you realize something.

“I should mark you too,” you comment before launching an attack. 

He chuckles, shaking his head as you return the favor. 

————————

You and Jade walk into the common room. Azul is sipping water when he spots you. His eyes widen and he sprays liquid all over Jamil. He chokes. The Scarabia vice leader shouts in disgust and looks in your direction. He immediately covers Kalim’s eyes. Floyd laughs so hard, he has to lie down. Grim looks at you in surprise before pursing his lips and reluctantly accepting. You have an inkling it’s because if you date Jade, he’ll get free food from Monstro Lounge.

“Jamil, why are you covering my eyes?” Kalim questions innocently. 

“It‘s debauched,” he answered, numb.

Azul yells at the two of you, “It’s 2:30!”

“Do you want us to do it in front of you?” You ask. 

The Octavinelle leader suffocates on his spit, shaking in rage and embarrassment. You give a full-force grin. You have no doubt Jade is doing the same. 

“We missed lunch. Do you have anything left?” Jade questions. 

You cut in with a skeptical hum. “I wouldn’t say that. We just had dessert first.” 

Floyd screeches in delight. Azul takes off his glasses and covers his face. Jamil stays frozen, disassociating from this unwanted scene. Grim’s nose crinkles in disgust. He crosses his arms and looks away. You can practically hear the mantra he repeats about free food. 

“What’s happening?” Kalim asks, pushing his vice leader’s hands off his face. 

Jamil doesn’t resist. The sunshine student spots you and grins. 

“It’s so nice to see you guys so open about your love for each other! I’m glad you’re so confident in your relationship,” he compliments cheerfully. 

You withhold a snort. Thankfully, Jade responds for you. 

“Thank you for your blessing, Kalim,” he replies before spotting some extra food and guiding you over. 

You scarf down a bowl of soup. Jade watches in amusement, as he eats slower. Then you watch Jamil and Azul head off together. It’s time to enact the plan. 

—--------------

Your party stands before Jamil with all of Scarabia behind you. The vice leader of Scarabia starts to lose it. 

“Me, my family… I don’t care what happens to any of it!” Jamil screams, before encanting. “The one you see before you is your master…” 

Your hackles rise but you don’t do anything. You don’t want to let on about your nullification ability. 

Jamil continues, “Answer when spoken to, lower your head when ordered, Snake Whisper!” 

A giant ripple of magic resounds through the dorm. It permeates every space, crevice, and crack. The vulnerable Scarabia students cow under the pressure of magical power. 

“Is—Is he trying to brainwash the entire dorm?!” Azul shouts in disbelief. 

Your eyes widen. You sprint toward Jamil, aiming for a weak point. Without flinching, he single-handedly takes you down, bellowing an order. 

“Take Kalim, Octavinelle, and Grim and kick them to the curb!” he dictates, “I’ll handle this one.” 

You cry out, as he twists your arm behind your back and presses down. 

“[Y/N]!”

“Shrimpy!”

“Henchman!” 

Then, your friends get accosted by Scarabia students. 

Jamil taunts Jade, “I’ll take good care of your princess for you.”

The eel sends him a glare before tearing through Scarabia students. 

Floyd growls, complaining, “These guys keep getting up no matter how much I squeeze them. They’re zombies.”

Amid the pandemonium, Kalim cries out to his childhood companion. 

“Jamil, stop already, I get it! You can be the dorm head and I’ll go home!” he begs.

Your eyes widen. That was a bad response. You glance up at the vice leader. When you see his face, you purse your lips. He’s about to overblot and you’re pinned beneath him. 

You take a deep breath and exhale through your mouth. Your heart pounds in your chest and your mind races. You’ve witnessed many overblots, but you’ve never been this close to one that’s about to happen. 

Logically, you know you’ll be safe from his magic, but it doesn’t make you feel better. You’re about to be locked up without any of your friends. You’ll be stuck with an unpredictable power-crazed maniac. 

You hear Jade speaking and you glance up at him. His eyes continuously flicker to you as he demolishes Jamil’s thralls. You reply with a strained and helpless dry laugh. His eyebrows furrow. He pushes himself harder. 

Your face drops when Jamil screams again. Your whole body tightens as you brace yourself for the transformation. The first thing you feel is sticky ink on your arm. You flinch at the sensation, cringing. 

Jade yells your name, panicked. Even through the crackle of magic, you hear him push and slam into people, trying to get to you. The air becomes more dense around you. You’re not affected by it but Jamil’s presence is enough to intimidate anyone. 

“You’re coming to save your lover? How amusing. I never like Kalim’s version of love anyway. He seems too invested in your fake love story. I’ll take [Y/N] for myself. I’m sure they’ll be a wonderful pet,” the overblot student provokes. 

You grit your teeth as rage flares in your eyes. He dares to call you a pet? When you have the chance, you’ll stab him in the back. You’ll take the time to set it up. You’ve become good at revenge plans since teaming up with Octavinelle. 

Jamil tosses you to the side, ordering a group of Scarabia students, “Take and restrain [Y/N].”

They grip you and you don’t attempt to resist. You stare straight at Jade with an annoyed and irritated look, signaling your intent for revenge. The eel raises an eyebrow. He’s still concerned and worried, but your expression relieves him of some of his worries. 

Jamil floats to the group before launching them into the sky with a huge show of power. 

“Jade!” You scream, horrified. 

They fade to nothing more than a dot in the sky. 

You take a deep breath. They’ll be fine. So far you’ve been lucky with these overblots. Everyone’s made it out ok. You pray it’s the same this time. 

You refocus on Jamil. Now, you must collect data, plan this man’s demise, and act. 

—--------------

The Scarabia students dress you in a tight, red crop top with matching harem pants. You’re accessorized in gold and a blue, almost transparent, scarf is wrapped around your shoulders and over your head. They lead you back to the common area. Jamil is sitting there in all his glory. His thralls cater food, fan him, and praise his excellence. When Jamil spots you, he smirks, gesturing for you to come over. 

You know how you need to act. The key was not laughing. During the past few days, you’ve become proficient in that skill. You hope your training doesn’t go to waste. 

Your guards escort you to him before backing off. You don an innocent and docile air. You tentatively lower yourself on the floor. 

“Thank you, Master Jamil,” you state. 

The Scarabia student’s eyes widen before a large smirk forms on his face. He leans forward, tipping your chin up. You comply with large, doe eyes. 

“It doesn’t look like you’re very loyal to your lover, [Y/N],” he comments. 

You lean forward with a worshipping gaze. You keep eye contact as you speak earnestly. 

“Master Jamil, you saved my life,” you lie, “I’ve been in debt to Octavinelle for a while. When they found out about Scarabia’s situation, they wanted to investigate. They forced me to follow their plans.” 

The Scarabia student raises an eyebrow. A look of satisfaction passes over his face. 

“I’m glad I was right,” he murmurs.

Internally, you laugh. Jamil just wants to be right. All you’re doing is feeding into his fantasy. As long as you tell him what he wants to hear, he’ll be none the wiser. 

His thumb moves across your cheek and you lean into it. Jamil’s eyes spark at the action. 

The man gave you a fantastic opportunity to make more contact. You need to be close to follow through with the plan. Internally, you chuckle. When you defeat the Scarabia vice leader, you’ll be sure to punish him most uniquely. 

—--------

You sit in Jamil’s lap, feeding him grapes. You giggle and play with his snake hair. The little creatures gained a liking to you. It solidified your thoughts that he’s a blindsighted fool. 

A lively and energetic voice bounces off the walls. 

“Jamil! You’re a cowardly traitor and I’m going to punch you!” Kalim yells.

You withhold your snort at the brazen declaration. It fits the true house warden well. You look over and find Jade. You give a wink. He keeps a straight face but there’s a look of relief. However, his eyes darken at your position. 

From beside you, Jamil is stunned. In a scratchy, otherworldly voice the overblot student speaks. Making sure he can’t see, you make a disgusted face. Jade looks placated for now. 

“I threw you so far into the desert. How did you get here so fast?” Jamil interrogates.

Azul speaks up. “Kalim used his unique magic, Oasis Maker, to refill a dried-up river. Jade and Floyd swam us here.”

Jamil sneers, “I thought Kalim’s unique Magic was nothing more than a way to splish-splash in a kitty pool. Who knew you would muster the power to fill a river?”

“I’m here to challenge you as the house warden!” The boy in question declares.

“No, I am the rightful leader of Scarabia. I’m much better than you’ve ever been,” Jamil states before getting up from his seat with you in his arms. 

You fake a small swoon and wrap your arms around his neck. He moves to deposit you a little ways away behind him. 

“Don’t worry, pet. I’ll exterminate these pests and be back,” the overblot student reassures. 

You nod submissively.

Jamil turns and flies at your companions. From behind him, you gag, dusting off wherever he touched you. 

“Your lover doesn’t like you, Jade. They’re rather pliant in my hands,” the Scarabia student snarks. 

Your eyes blaze with fire at the comment. The eel’s face tightens. 

With his ever-present calm and polite smile, Jade replies, “I’m sure [Y/N] will see reason when we defeat you.” 

“That won’t happen,” Jamil snorts, before blasting your friends with bloody burgundy magic. 

Light flashes across the room as the ink behind Jamil gathers. A towering humanoid snake rises from the liquid. Its face is a broken, leaking ink bottle with a massive Sultan headpiece. On the wrists are two matching golden cuffs. It’s his overblot monster. This is what the group needs to target. They have to break the glass. 

Carefully moving to the side where neither Jamil nor the entity can see you, you start giving hand gestures. The first one you give is putting an index finger to your mouth. Grim looks straight at you, confused. Thankfully your soon-to-be boyfriend moves to block your cat’s line of sight and kicks him. Your familiar gets the hint. 

Surprisingly, Kalim notices you but doesn’t give anything away. Floyd is on the same page. Everyone makes sure to not look at you directly or at least simultaneously. You begin miming your plan. 

When you finish, you see a spark of an idea in Kalim’s eyes. You raise an eyebrow. It looks like he’s planning something. However, none of the Octavinelle students can see it. You don’t mind altering your plans. You’re curious. 

You creep up on Jamil, coming behind the monster. You plan to dash past. You lower yourself into a sprinting position and wait.

Kalim takes a deep breath and nods. You take your cue and sprint. 

The white-haired boy shouts, “Do you know how this will affect your family?!”

Jamil stops casting, choking in rage. 

You leap, latching onto his head. All of his magic stops as you cover his eyes. Restraining his snake hair, your legs wrap around his waist. Jade dashes up, spins, and delivers a roundhouse kick to the side of his jaw. 

Jamil falls, unconscious. Jade catches you as the monster roars. 

The sound is cut off by shattering glass. Ink gushes from the creature’s face. It crumples and disintegrates to mist. 

You glance back. Kalim is standing there with his staff raised. He stays in that position, frozen.

The air clears to reveal the night sky again. The other Scarabia students are still knocked out from the amount of mind control power Jamil used on them. 

Kalim hiccups and collapses to the ground, sobbing. 

You give a sad smile. Standing up, you walk over to him and put a hand on his back. 

“Nice thinking, Kalim,” you tell him, “You gave us the opening we needed.” 

The crying student looks up at you. 

“I didn’t know! I didn’t know he felt that way about me!” the Scarabia leader wails, “I didn’t want to say that to him either.” 

Your eyes widen, not knowing how to deal with this. Then, you spot your out. 

You swoop Grim into your arms and carry him over to Kalim. 

“You better act like a good stuffed animal,” you tell him, “We both don’t know how to help crying people, but you’re much more huggable than I am.” 

Your cat is about to thrash at you before you add, “I can get you seven cans of tuna for free because I’m about to date Jade.” 

Your companion stills. 

“If you throw me to Floyd again, that promise doubles,” he conditions. 

“Ok,” you comply. 

You can use his wording against him. He didn’t stipulate if Floyd caught him on his own. Your cat needs to learn that to live with this crew. 

You deposit Grim in front of Kalim, who asks if he can hug him. 

“That’s what I’m here for. Just don’t get snot on me,” your magical creature huffs. 

The wealthy sophomore clutches onto him and weeps. You chuckle, watching the life get squeezed out of your familiar. 

You head to the Octavinelle trio. 

Before you can say anything, Jade reels you into him. He holds you close. You can feel his breath on your cheek. Beads of sweat drip down his face. You know he wants to kiss you, but he’s too committed to your upcoming stunt. Instead, he rips off the scarf and traces the hickeys he left. 

Azul groans, “Not again.” 

Floyd nudges Jamil with his foot. “When’s he going to wake up?” 

The Scarabia vice leader responds, moaning in pain. Kalim shoots up from the floor and rushes to his side, balling. 

The wealthy student is almost incoherent, babbling something about Jamil being alive. He helps the overblotted student sit up. The bruised and beat-up sophomore puts a hand on his chin.

“Who hit me?” he questions. 

“I did. I also want to thank you,” Jade answers.

Jamil’s eyebrows furrow. 

“For what?” he asks. 

The eel ignores him, turning to you with a smile. He takes your hand. 

“[Y/N], ever since you flew into Monstro Lounge three nights ago and pummeled that one student, I’ve been enchanted by you. From your bold declaration to sleep with me on the first night—“

“—You did what?” Jamil interjects, horrified.

Jade ignores him. “—to your fake dating scheme. They’ve been some of the most memorable moments of my life. Will you be my girlfriend?” 

Azul lets out a sigh of relief, “Thank god, I thought you were going to ask them to marry you.” 

You get an idea. 

“Of course, Jade. I’ve always thought you were interesting. When we interacted before Azul’s overblot, you fascinated me. However, it wasn’t until Jamil’s shenanigans that we connected on a deeper level.” 

You let the sexual insinuation sit for a moment. Jamil gags. You glance at Floyd with a smirk. That was the exact reaction you wanted from him 

“You should force him to watch this entire thing. Jamil deserves to be punished for his overblot. It’s not violent, so this is a perfect way,” you suggest with a sweet smile. 

The chaotical entity bounces on the balls of his feet and zooms at the offered target. 

Jamil grunts as Floyd catches him in a chokehold and forces his eyes open. The eel cackles directly into his ear, causing the vice leader to wince at the volume. 

“Shrimpy’s ideas are the best! You should team up with Azul to make even more hilarious schemes,” he chortles beside the Scarabia student’s face. 

You grin and turn back to your lover. 

“It’s all thanks to Jamil that we’re together. I love that we’re on the same page. I love how dedicated you are to our relationship (and schemes, you internally add, knowing he’ll come to the same conclusion). I love your willingness to try new things. In light of that…” 

You get down on one knee. 

Keeping your eyes on Jade, you hold your hand face up and demand, “Kalim, give me your ring bracelet. I’ll return it after I get a formal ring.” 

You hear an excited gasp and the jangling of metal. 

“Kalim,” Jamil complains, trying to caution him. 

There’s a hitch in his breath. 

“Let [Y/N] and my brother have their moment, Sea Snake~” Floyd sings, tightening his hold. 

From the corner of your eye, Azul grips his hair. 

“I hate both of you,” the dorm leader hisses.

Without missing a beat, you add. “You’ll be catering the event.” 

The businessman pauses. He straightens up, pushing up his glasses.

“I suppose that’s fine,” he concedes, “The wedding business is incredibly lucrative. The price increases if you put the word “wedding” before it.” 

Kalim claps his hands. 

“I’m glad Azul has finally accepted the two of you,” he cheers, before depositing the requested item in your hands. 

You take it. 

Looking up at Jade, you hold in a burst of laughter at the absurd situation. 

“Jade, will you marry me?” You ask. 

“Yes, my pearl.” 

You quickly slip the jewelry on before jumping him. You make a big show of making out. 

In the background, you hear Jamil protesting as Floyd giggles. You feel your fiance’s sharp teeth as his mouth forms into a grin. After about thirty seconds of twisting tongues, you release your hold. With red lips, you turn to Jamil. 

“You’ll be our guest of honor,” you tell him. 

He glares at you before Grim speaks up. 

“The only reason I’m agreeing is because I get free food from Monstro Lounge,” he states, crossing his arms. 

Azul is about to protest when Jade cuts in. 

“I can make that happen,” he confirms. 

You raise an eyebrow with an amused smirk. “You’re already sucking up to the in-laws.” 

He pecks you again. “You’ve successfully gained my brother’s favor. I’m only repaying the favor.”

“This is why I love you,” you sigh, smiling content.

“I love you too,” Jade replies.

————————

“Now, you may kiss,” the officiant declares. 

A cheer goes up as Jade grabs your waist and dips you. He catches your lips with his teeth. Jade lets go of the teasing bite to actually kiss you. He pulls you up, still holding on. You smirk and lean into him, recalling the last time you pulled this stunt. You kiss long enough for people to become uncomfortable. It was the trick from when you proposed after Jamil’s overblot.

In the audience, Jamil states, “I’m getting flashbacks.”

“It’s just like old times!” Kalim cries.

“You mean the lowest point of my life? Floyd forced me to watch them make out. I do not want to see it twice,” he retorts. 

You pick up more ambient chatter.

From the Ignihyde dorm, the in-person and shivering Idia asks, “Ortho, can we go now?” 

“We need to stick around a little longer. They’ve helped us out and they play video games with you.”

There’s a deep, heavy sigh before a familiar flourish of words overpowers it. 

“Beau! This is a gorgeous and fantastic match. The Trickster and Monsieur Mastermind. They’re truly a plotting and mischievous duo. I have no doubt their married life will continue to flower with time!”

“Rook, [Y/N] asked you to take their wedding photos. Why are you still sitting here?” Vil questions.

“I already took them!”

“…Why am I not surprised? Epel, did you steal food from the buffet table and bring it inside?”

A muffled voice responds, “…You’re not my dorm leader anymore.”

“Oh? So you think you can just get away with it?” Vil sasses. 

“Wow, they’re so cute! It’s a picture-perfect moment and they’re holding their pose. I can get in a lot of good shots,” Cater squeals.

“Trey, what flavor of cake did they order?” The former Heartslabyul leader asks. 

“The standard chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. Each tier has a different flavor. However, they had an interesting request. They want me to use Doodle Suit on a few people’s slices.”

“That sounds like them,” Leona butts in, “They’re always up to something. Even now.” 

“Shi-shi-shi,” Ruggie laughs, “They match each other perfectly—Oh, look, Jack’s uncomfortable. That means they’ll end soon.”

“Human rituals are so interesting,” Malleus observes, “It’s fascinating to watch one up close. Although, Silver is missing out.” 

“I’m sure he’ll see many more,” Lilia waves off, “I’m excited when they ask for my assistance again. They have a great sense of humor.”

Then your cue was given.

“CEASE THIS TOMFOOLERY THIS INSTANT! ITS UNDIGNIFIED AND YOURE SULLYING MALLEUS’ EYES!!” Sebek shouts, shooting up from his seat. 

The two of you break away with matching grins. 

From the audience, the green-haired man stands stunned that his demands were answered. Lilia cackles and pulls him down as Silver’s eyes blearily open. 

Azul comments beside your husband, “Sometimes I wonder why we’re friends and then I remember how much money you make me.”

Floyd whines, “I’m sad it wasn’t more interesting. You’ve already used that trick before.”

“The night isn’t over yet. There will be more,” Jade replies with a smirk. 

The other eel perks up. 

From behind you, Deuce pipes up.

“Sebek could’ve come in sooner,” he sighs.

“I’m not surprised he didn’t realize he needed to yell,” Ace snorts next to him, “He’s as dense as a brick.”

“Henchman! I want food!!” Grim demands. 

You laugh and follow his orders, hand in hand with your husband. 

[mossterious]

Something really poignant about Lisa Frankenstein, to be at least, is the fact that when the creature attacks Janet, it’s not when she’s being rude to her. It’s not when she’s just saying rude things, or beoittling Lisa, or anything. It’s when Janet says that she’s going to admit Lisa.

Because the creature is from the 1830s. And even if he knows about modern culture and inventions, which he sort of seems to?, he’s still FROM the 1830s. And when Janet says the word admitted, he hears the word committed. When Janet says Serenity Manor, he knows that that means an asylum. And he knows what asylums are. They are dangerous places. They are places where you’re stripped of all autonomy. They are places where you send people away to become someone else’s problem, and they normally don’t come back. And so he attacks. He protects Lisa.

And I think that draws a really important comparison between what asylums were, and what mental care is now. Because in a lot of ways, it isn’t much better. There’s still a lot of abuse in the system. There’s still a complete lack of autonomy. There’s still so much ableism and bias within the system. And people are still sent there to get them out of other peoples ways, rather than strictly to help them. And, sure, this movie is set in the 80s, so it’s not exactly modern. I mean, the movie points out that times are different. But with Janet, it almost seems intent on pointing out of similar everything is. Sending Lisa to a psych ward. The diet culture. The “intuitive person” thing. That one line about narcissists needing to be vanquished. And all these things are still a pretty big issue now.

There’s just a lot of comparison. ESPECIALLY a lot of comparison when it comes to disability and madness in these three distinct time periods. And like, it’s obvious that mental health was used as a weapon against people, and especially WOMEN, in the 1830s. But Lisa Frankenstein highlights that in the 80s, it was still a weapon! And that psych ward programs still poses a threat. Theres a comparison between how Janet and Lisa’s dad erase Lisa’s grief and say that she’s “acting out” compared to female hysteria of the creature’s time. There’s also the creature’s reaction to being physically disabled vs Lisa’s, with Patch and everything, but that honestly is another post entirely.

I just think that the discussion of mental health in this film is really important and, frankly, really well done. Especially especially especially through the lens that Lisa is a girl. And Lisa Frankenstein is a movie about GIRLHOOD. And so the movie took the extra step to talk about the denial of women’s feelings and specifically grief, and the pathologization of them. When women feel in a way outside of a norm, they’re wrong. They’re crazy. They’re dangerous. And idk I just think it’s done really well and the comparisons are all right there.

And this is all in a movie based on Frankenstein. This is all about a character based on Victor Frankenstein. The MAD scientist. So I feel like it all fits together incredibly well.

[starsinthesky5]

Songbird and Joe keep things private and show what they want but do you think they’ll be a time they do things together together like interviews? More like Benny and Selena doing the Hot Ones together and viewers seeing how caring he is with her or something? Or GQ couple questions where they both ask each other questions. Idk I think it’ll be cute for their fans and viewers to see how much they know each other very well, care for each other etc.

a/n: thank you for sending this in! i love this concept so much

you are in love masterlist

───────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───────

yes—i 100% think they’d eventually get to a point where they do a few select things together, and it would be so special when they do. they’re private, but not secret. they’re intentional. and when they do share moments publicly, it’s because it’s something they’re genuinely excited about—not for PR, not to prove anything—just because it felt right. joe would never do something like this on his own—yes, he’s a little shy and awkward sometimes, but mostly because it’s just not his thing. and she’s selective, always careful about the interviews she says yes to, always weighing the vibe, the purpose, the timing. but together? together, none of that really matters.

because when it’s the two of them, it doesn’t feel like an interview. it doesn’t feel like press or promo or performance. it just feels like them. like another night on the couch, joking around and finishing each other’s sentences, except there happen to be cameras in the room. they’re in their own little world, locked in and tuned out from everything else. the nerves disappear. the pressure fades. it’s easy. it’s natural. and maybe that’s why people love it so much when they do show up together. because you can tell it’s not planned or polished—it’s just real. raw in the softest, most genuine way. like they forgot anyone else was watching.

a hot ones–style appearance would be so perfect for them—laid back, playful, but still intimate enough to let their dynamic steal the show. it’s the kind of setting where they could just be them, no pressure, no performance, just vibes. joe wouldn’t even make it past wing three. he’d poke at the sauce with suspicion, maybe take a tentative bite before immediately waving it off like, “nah, i’m good,” to dodge potential public humiliation, but her? she’d go for it. eyes watering, nose running, lips on fire, and still powering through without a hint of shame. just fully committed. fearless. chaotic.

and joe? he’d spend the whole time trying to take care of her.

he’s sliding her a glass of milk without her asking, brushing sauce off her cheek with a napkin like it’s second nature, hand resting on her thigh under the table like an anchor. at one point he probably mutters, “this is the last time i let you pick what interview we do,” under his breath, and she just grins through the spice like, “you knew what you were signing up for, joey. don't lie to yourself,”.

and the host would be struggling not to laugh, because between the pain and the flirting, the tension is off the charts—but it’s not performative. it’s not for the camera. it’s just them. the way they look at each other, the comfort in every small touch, how in tune they are even while their mouths are on fire.

and the audience would eat it up—devour it, really. they’d flood the comments and forums and twitter threads, gushing about how adorably intimate it all was, even with the cameras rolling and the whole world watching. like somehow, joe and her made a brightly lit studio feel like their kitchen at midnight. like everyone was intruding on something soft and sacred. they’d rave about how protective joe is of her, the way his hand never strays far from her, resting on her knee, brushing her hair behind her ear, offering her water like she hadn’t just downed three scorching wings like a champ. he’d be looking at the plate like the spicy wings had personally wronged him. like he needed to throw hands with the hot sauce for putting her through it.

it’d be funny and sweet and totally chaotic, but what people would remember most is the care. the way he’s always watching her out of the corner of his eye. the way she teases him but still leans into his touch. that quiet love that speaks louder than anything they could ever say.

and then something like GQ’s couples quiz? yeah. they’d kill it. you’d get the perfect mix of competitiveness and softness—her teasing him for not remembering the exact place where she wrote a song she wrote about him forever ago, and him absolutely crushing every question about her favorite snacks, childhood stories, or the way she takes her coffee.

they’d have so many moments where they look at each other like they’re the only people in the room. and there’d be moments joe is clearly watching her talk like he’s memorizing her all over again. fans would melt at how quiet he gets when she speaks, how he always leans in when she’s talking, like nothing else matters. he wouldn’t be super performative—he’s just not that guy—but it’s the way he listens that gives him away.

plus, you just know joe would end up saying something devastatingly sweet without even realizing it; because that’s who he is when it comes to her. they’d be sitting there, probably halfway through the quiz, laughing and teasing each other in that easy, affectionate way that feels so natural, so lived-in. then she’d ask, grinning as she read the next card, “what’s something i do that annoys you?”.

he wouldn’t answer right away. he’d tilt his head a little, pretending to think, even though the answer comes easy. not because she’s annoying—but because she’s her, and he knows her better than anyone. “…you’re incapable of not humming around the house,” he finally says, eyes flicking up to meet hers, amused.

she gasps, all mock offense. “you love it, joe. please,”.

and he doesn’t even hesitate before softening. “i do,” he says, in that quiet, matter-of-fact way of his. “i miss it when you’re gone,”.

that’s it. that one line. so simple, so unassuming—but you can feel how much he means it. it’s not just the humming. it’s her. her presence. her voice drifting down the hallway while she makes tea or folds laundry or wanders the kitchen barefoot in one of his hoodies. and when she’s not there, the silence feels just a little too loud.

cue the collective internet sighing in unison. tiktoks made. tweets spiraling. people saving the clip to rewatch every time they need to believe in love again.

because that’s the thing about joe and songbird. even in the middle of a lighthearted quiz, even when they’re joking and playfully roasting each other, love slips through the cracks. always.

and they wouldn’t do it things like this very often. maybe once every couple years or around a special project, maybe when quarterback comes out, when they do a joint project for some publication or brand. but every time they do show up like that? it’s authentic, warm, and leaves people obsessed with how well they love each other.

[that-one-unfunny-hoe]

Okay i did not read the books, i only watched the show SO LET ME BE DELUSIONAL IN PEACE OKAY?

ALSO PROBABLY HANDMAIDS TALE SEASON 6 SPOILERS AHEAD MAYBE NOT IDK.

The way Nick and June just LOOK at each other?? The tension??? The “I would burn the world for you but we can't” energy??

THEIR EYES HAVE MORE SEX THAN HALF THE ACTUAL SEX ON TV.

And meanwhile June’s husband???

I’m sorry but he’s just there. Like a tree. A supportive tree, sure, but a non-sexy, beige tree. There’s no fire. No ache. No “meet me in the shadows and betray our regime for a single kiss” vibe.

Nick walks on screen and suddenly I can’t breathe. June says ONE WORD and he’s already undressing her with his soul.

LET THEM BE TOGETHER. LET THEM DO CRIMES. LET THEM FUCK!!!

If this show doesn’t give us what we want I’m writing fanfic out of pure spite.

They are out here acting like war-torn soulmates in the middle of a dystopia and STILL can’t get 5 minutes alone without someone interrupting or society collapsing???

BABES. THIS IS AN INJUSTICE.

June is out here risking her life, screaming at power structures, smuggling people, and Nick is just standing in the rain looking like he’s about to confess eternal love or rip off his coat and kiss her against a wall.

THEY’RE IN LOVE. LET THEM BE TOXIC. LET THEM BE MESSY. LET THEM HAVE ONE NIGHT OF RELEASE.

I’ll wait. But if episode 4 doesn’t deliver, I riot. Or write smut. Same thing.

FUCK. LUKE.

He can pack his boring-ass beige button-up, sip a lukewarm cup of Canadian government coffee, and go braid Moira’s hair in peaceful irrelevance because June?

June needs to be with Nick "I’d Burn Gilead for You" Blaine.

Like bro, Luke had YEARS. YEARS!!!

And all he gave us was guilt trips, confusion, and passive-aggressive trauma invalidation.

Meanwhile Nick???

Soft voice. Intense eyes. Absolute devastation every time he looks at her.

New Bethlehem Nick is PEAK HOT.

Diplomatic. Dangerous. Emotionally repressed with simmering passion underneath?

Sir, build June a life there. You already built a home in her chest.

Also… the baby???

The sacrifices???

I need therapy.

LIKE SIR, YOU HAVE POWER NOW. DO SOMETHING HOT WITH IT!!!

Nick, baby, you’re a Commander. You’ve got:

Access.

Authority.

Smolder.

A tragic backstory and incredible jawline.

USE THAT TO GET HANNAH OUT.

GET JUNE IN.

THEN GET. 👏TO. 👏FUCKING.

Like bro. You’re literally one stolen key and one whisper to Lawrence away from starting the greatest forbidden lovers’ revolution in dystopian TV history.

Meanwhile June is out here sobbing in the rain, writing trauma poetry in her eyes, waiting for a real man to commit one sexy rebellion.

AND YOU’RE STANDING THERE DOING THAT LITTLE “LOOKING AT HER FROM A DISTANCE WITH A PAINED EXPRESSION” THING???

ENOUGH.

Save Hannah.

Steal June.

Raise Nicole.

FUCK. IN. A. DUSTY. DYSTOPIAN. ROOM. WITH. A. SINGLE. LAMP. ON.

Honestly? I’ll write it myself if the show doesn’t.

I’m MAD.

JUNE is probably mad too, she hasn’t had a real orgasm since Season 2!!

Nick is out here Commandering like a sad little simp in a tailored coat and the writers are like:

“Let’s focus on Aunt Lydia’s diary instead.”

NO.

Give us:

Window sex

Desk sex

“We shouldn’t be doing this but do it anyway” sex

“We are broken people but somehow whole together” sex

Until then?

We riot.

We manifest.

We write fanfic with unholy levels of detail.

[fathertaurus]

Astro Observations

okay I’ve never done one of these before I but I do love them so much and I had a funny list of my own in my notes that I’ve decided to share so enjoy!

Taurus sun people are some of the most noncommittal people I know. Or at least very quick to break things off. Their form of earth energy is focused on grounded-ness and indulging in their senses. If you jeopardize that in the slightest they’re g o n e lmao

Sag sun women have mommy issues the same way Scorpio sun men do

Geminis conflate being romantically interested in someone with being sexually interested—but more often than not, because of their flighty energy (air signs) if someone isn’t matching their free energy vibes then it’s never that serious of a commitment to them

Libra women/femmes are incredibly soft when put in the right circumstances, even upon just meeting someone—if you get a Libra woman/femme when they’re abrasive and show off-y then they don’t like you lol

Cancer moon men/mascs will see mommy milkers on a woman and immediately assume that that is actually their mother and act in accordance. No I won’t be elaborating

Also once a cancer men/masc (sun, moon, rising) meets a Taurus (sun, moon, rising or Venus) they will never let go lmaoo

I think it’s cause Tauruses are just cancers if cancers had a spine (ily cancers I promise) and they can find their sense of confidence in them. But it also leads to a mild obsession. Cancers like to understand everything to a T as it helps them feel emotionally secure

Underdeveloped Leo men/mascs are cocky, but never confident

Sag men/mascs are actually Tauruses in disguise

Yall are the chillest mfs unless provoked. Your sense of peace and retaining that is what drives you, very much Taurus-like

Which is funny because I feel like all the Taurus men I know hold more Sag qualities than Taurus qualities

Aries women/femmes are soooo calm 24:7. Very bubbly, happy go lucky, like truly give off the real energy of what it means to be the youngest signs in the Zodiac. But when put in tight spots or in a position where they have to defend themselves, all hell breaks loose lmao

Aries men/mascs on the other hand are always pissy LMAOO IM SORRY BUT ITS TRUE

Like it’s never that serious I swear

Pisces’ fear of being rejected for their rose colored glasses over life turns them into the scariest people if tried. I think they’re one of those signs that really need to be able to see the bright side of life and do it in a very childlike way, so when that’s judge they immediately turn on you. Like idk if any of yall have ever pissed off a Pisces but uh uh nope I do not play with them when they’re upset

it’s like when the sweet loving house dog suddenly gets rabies and I mean that with love I swear

Also unhealed Pisces women/femmes need to go to jail. Yall do the most heinous things to people because you don’t like yourselves and it’s actually insane!

I feel like if more Scorpios (especially women/femmes) remembered/knew they were ruled by Pluto you’d give yourselves more grace. Pluto rules over death and transformation—you will constantly rebirth in this life, you are destined to consistently shed your skin. That’s why you can’t spend too much time in one place, or you feel like you never truly know who you are. That’s okay! You’re here to remind others that change is inevitable, and that a lack of control is very very beautiful.

Sincerely A Taurus with 6 planets in her 8th house (the 8th house is ruled by Pluto for those who don’t know lol)

Might be a controversial take but I feel like Gemini moons and rising have such promise for being fantastic mothers. The way you are capable of seeing perspectives outside of your own because of your natural duality allows you to nurture in a very unique way that works well for children with inquisitive minds, or at least with Pluto and Jupiter influence in their charts

but it takes a lot of understanding yourself first and figuring out your motives behind the intimate relationships you create

All Leo risings look like cats/lions

* Usually have cat like eyes or long hair (“manes”)

Aquarius men with heavy fire energy in their big 3 or big 6: the most unloyal mfs ever, especially in their friendships lmao — but Aquarius men with water influence in their big 3/6: will build you a house with their bare hands

Aquarius men with air influence? “I love you but I’m afraid to say it” type vibe lmaoooo

Despite being the “oldest” sign in the zodiac all the Pisces’ I’ve met are the youngest siblings lol but maybe that has something to do with coming last in the zodiac?

I feel like Scorpio women either embrace sexuality or the occult. Like either you’re sexualized so much you’re whole life you alchemize it into a power trip or you reject it completely and turn into a witch

If you have Virgo in your big 3 you probably have tummy issues <3

[starkwlkr]

Hey cutie patootie!! 💗 can you please do SFW alphabet for Wolverine???🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

wolverine sfw alphabet

an: this is my first time doing the sfw alphabet so if it’s bad so sorry!!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

PDA? Not so much but he’ll sneak in kisses every now and then but privately? This man worships the ground you walk on of course he’s gonna make you feel loved

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?

He cares about you and quite protective (unless you’re Scott)

Very caring and always remembers little details about you

I’m imagining the friendship would start when Scott said something about Logan (damn Scott 🤨) and you defended him <3

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Hugh jackman says he’s a big cuddler so it’s canon to me that Logan is too I SAID WHAT I SAID

Obviously he would never admit it to anyone but he LOVES to cuddle

He loves when you lay your head on his chest and he’s stroking your hair… I’m sobbing I need this man so bad

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Plot twist: Logan 2017 ended differently and it actually ended with you, logan and laura being a family and living in a cute little house away from everyone 😍 someone get marvel on the phone I HAVE AN IDEA

You and Logan have a deal, you cook and he cleans because this man cannot cook to save his life

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would the do it?)

oh!😄

he seems like the type to just pack up his things, leave a note and leave lol idk I’m trying to keep this happy

F = Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to marry?)

He would marry you in a second he loves you too much or you could be like one of those couple that stay together for so many years without getting married because they don’t care 🫶🏻

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

LOGAN IS SO GENTLE WITH YOU

I don’t write smut but I read this one fic years ago where he didn’t want to hurt the reader during sex and it had me blushing and kicking my feet 😭

emotionally, he respects your boundaries and listen to what you have to say.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Doesn’t hug anyone but you <3

Old man logan loves them!! (fuck i should’ve done this with old man logan lol maybe in the future)

Currently picturing old man logan coming home from work and you’re like doing the dishes or something and you don’t hear him come in and he hugs you from behind 😭

I = I Love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

again I don’t write smut BUT what if I said that the first time Logan said I love you was either when one of you had a near death experience or your first time having sex

THERE IS NO INBETWEEN

Doesn’t say it right away until y’all fuck or one of you almost dies lol ladies he is the ideal man

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

I’m going to take this opportunity to thank anyone who has ever written jealous logan fics, you are the reason for my happiness and I hope you get everything you e ever wanted <3

This man is protective of you, if he sees some guy in a bar bothering you bitch the claws are coming out

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Logan’s kisses give you much comfort like if you’re stressed because of some stupid shit scott did (🤨) (dw i love scott) he’ll give you kisses <3

He loves kissing your lips obviously but a simple forehead kiss is his go to

old man logan giving you hand kisses!!

And what if I said that logan loves to be kissed on his neck?🤨🤨

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

When Laura comes into your lives, he’s trying to be a good father obviously but before Laura, he ok

Like if we’re talking toddlers then he wouldn’t know how to act around them. Confused 100% when they give him a toy phone

M = Mornings (How are mornings spent with them?)

If he wakes up before you then he’ll definitely let you sleep in

He loves a good morning cuddle and kiss.

If neither of you have class to teach in the morning then yes you’ll sleep in but if you do then you’ll wake up earlier than him and do your morning routine

N = Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

movie nights if you aren’t too tired or you’ll just talk about random things in bed and eventually drift off to sleep

You’ve admitted to Logan that his voice helps you fall asleep <3

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait to reveal things?)

So in the beginning of your relationship, logan didn’t open up right away but as time went on he trusted you more and more so you helped him talk about his past

He doesn’t reveal everything all at once more like when you’re in bed or taking a bath together and you’re laying against him and he starts talking about his life

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

By Scott? So easy

it doesn’t take a lot to anger him, but he’s trying to be a calmer person especially if Laura is there

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers everything. He has a good memory when it comes to you. He knows your likes and dislikes, even if you mentioned it like years ago, favorite foods, movies, songs.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite moment is when you met for the first time. It’s when he also met charles too. He walked into charles’s office and that’s when he saw you, standing next to charles. He didn’t believe in love at first sight, but you completely changed his mind.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would the like to be protected?)

Like I mentioned before, he’s protective of you. Hates seeing you get hurt during missions. He knows you can handle it, but still he doesn’t like it.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

I see him actually putting in effort like if he decides to one day have a picnic with you in the schools garden, he’ll ask storm to make sure it doesn’t rain and find the prettiest flowers to give you

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He pushes people away. He has a tendency to do that so he isolates himself. You give him so space then try to work things out

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He isn’t too concerned until he starts looking like old man logan. That’s when he thinks you won’t like how wrinkled and grey he looks but you shower him with love and affection because that’s what he deserves <3

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

You and Laura are his whole world. (now I’m imagining rogue joining the fam and meeting Laura and it’s so cute omg)

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

He kisses you so much that if you change your chapstick flavor he will notice. Like I imagine you changed it from cherry to coconut and he’ll be talking to storm or charles and you pass by and give him a quick kiss and he’s like “hold up☝🏻🤨” and kisses you again just to make sure he wasn’t making it up and tells you “you changed the flavor? But Cherry was my favorite😔😒”

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Scott summers

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Naps after missions are a must

His sleep schedule is totally messed up lol

[avelera]

Honestly? I’d be super curious to see more “Jayce got sent to the Powder reality” or just any other reality where he inhabits his own body there (so not S2 Jayce/S1 Viktor fic I mean fic where Jayce gets the Ekko treatment) but where Jayce just… tells the truth about being from an alternate universe right away?

Because really, if ANYONE would accept the possibility of alternate universes RIGHT AWAY, it would be Viktor, or Heimerdinger, or in general people from the circles that Jayce very much moves in as someone working on the theoretical edge of science.

The reason I’m thinking about this is I feel like I’ve seen a few of these fics now where a lot of sort of predictable drama gets generated by Jayce trying to blend in and pretend to be his AU self with absolutely nothing to go off of, but to me that seems 10x more difficult and prone to disaster than just… trusting that his science buddies will be open to the possibility that a very weird scientific event is happening to the guy who was fiddling with HARNESSING MAGIC WITH SCIENCE and needs some help right now.

Idk, maybe it’s my penchant for thinking in straight lines. Maybe I just need to write it. But I also genuinely have a story… Frustration? With unexamined tropes and stories that immediately assume that talking about or asking for help about the magical or supernatural things happening to the characters would get them consigned immediately to some insane asylum.

Like, unless someone has a HISTORY of struggles with reality, I think most people are willing to play along a bit. If one of my friends or even my partner ran up to me and said “I know I look like myself but I’m actually from another dimension inhabiting my counterparts’ body and I need your help getting back.” Idk, I’d like to think I’m pretty genre savvy and have a decent sense of humor. I’d be willing to play along until they get tired of the game or provide me with some hard evidence that something legitimately out of this world is happening. I’m not going to immediately have them arrested or committed, ffs, even if they’re my worst enemy. I MIGHT check in with someone close to them to ask if they’ve been acting strange lately or if they have suggestions in case this person is legitimately having a psychological event of some kind, but again, my first response isn’t to freak out at them, it’s to ask for more details and get a sense for what’s going on here.

But to get back to Jayce, in general, he has people in his life experimenting with the bleeding edge fringe of theoretical science and I think he could count on a fair number of sympathetic and even helpful ears. At least, people willing to entertain his hypothetical for a bit if he brings it up as a possibility rather than a thing actively happening to him right now. I think he’d definitely have more success going to an AU Viktor or Heimerdinger and asking for their help with such a theoretical scenario than he would stumbling around trying to pretend to be his alternate self when he has no frame of reference for what this AU’s self is even like. After all, Jayce is a scientist, not an actor, and he knows it. He can give a speech but I’m not sure that translates to like… playing along with an entire life that isn’t his, full immersion LARPing type stuff.

And for the record, it’s not so much that I’m critiquing these fics. I get the reason for the tropes and how they generate the drama and the plot for the story the author wants to tell. It’s more that it’s a trope I’ve seen turn up in a few unrelated authors’ fics and that always gets my trope-contrarian brain buzzing with, “Ok but does this trope MAKE SENSE? Would Jayce or anyone in his situation be actually under so much pressure to disguise what happened to them as this story is implying they would be? Would anyone actually get locked up or in trouble for floating that they’re their AU self? Heck, wouldn’t it almost be SAFER to bring up the hypothetical, even as a joke, just to see if it’s like a known experiment in this world or a thing that regularly happens that everyone knows about, or at least to make some allies amongst your AU loved ones, rather than stumbling around getting in ACTUAL trouble in a world that could have completely different laws or customs than you’re aware of?”

Tropes, people! They should be interrogated!

[elitesheepi]

It’s pretty sad that the Stormverine relationship in the comics just go…unaddressed. Like they’re dating in the 2013(I think) Storm run, they have some pages together showing their relationship. Cut to the next issue he’s dead due to him losing his healing factor, Storm has to be flown into space just to grieve without setting the world on fire, and then…. Nothing.

Assuming I got the order, Hunt for Wolverine: Mystery in Madripoor happens, and we get this cover:

But there’s more focus on Betsy/Psychlock and the only Wolverine relationship is the past one he had with Domino. Storm get a single panel sequence, no mention of their previous relationship, nothing. Hell she’s incapacitated for much of it along with Rogue but still wtf.

So then he’s brought back and then….nothing. Like no mention no, anything. Maybe it’s in an issue I haven’t read yet but the fact that their relationship just goes unacknowledged and forgotten is so sad to me. Like we get pockets chances of something so good for both of them, a break away from the status quo

And yeah, it’s marvel comics that just what happens, anytime a characters happy they reset the whole damn universe for one bs reason or another. (One More Day, you sonuvabitch, we ain’t forget) but they are capable of changing the status quo but just won’t. Rogue and Gambit were able to get married and stay married up until now, so it’s not impossible.

In that same breath, I’m not asking for them to get married and have kids and all that, I’m really not. Hell I’m not even exactly asking for them to restart their relationship just yet enough, though I really do want that. All I’m asking is for like some more acknowledgement that they did date and how that effected them.

It isn’t like they broke up, Logan died. Like died-died, could’ve stay dead dead. Storm eventually had to move on cause that’s just the nature of grief, but beforehand she was handling his unfinished business. That’s not breakup behavior, that’s “I’m a widow in mourning of my partner” behavior.

So X of Swords teased them again, and the Storm (2024) run has then full on have sex before she leaves again. Which yknow awesome and we finally get a hint of their previous relationship by her calling him her “old lover.” Which again, nice, but man salt in the wound with her saying she regrets her actions when yeah, ouch and why tho? They’ve been implied to have slept together in the past a few times so idk.

I’m rambling/ranting at this point, but all I’m trying to get at is, they’re a cute relationship but the lack of attention the x-office is giving them really bites. I want someone to just bite the bullet and commit to writing them. It can be done, and it can be done well without centering just Logan, sidelining Storm or making either of them OOC, but it really needs to start with just pointing out what they once were and starting from their. Idk man ⚡️

[moonlightsapphic]

thoughts on xo, kitty:

i had the time of my life getting straightbaited in s1, loved it and very much believed it was set up beautifully for a kittyuri ending

i once again had the time of my life getting straightbaited by the s2 trailer (which had initially dissapointed me), and then once again squealing at kittyuri moments in the actual season lol

god yuri is so hot

god minho is so hot

this show is bisexual propaganda if there ever was any

i have said it before and i will say it again: this is the queer/sapphic teen asian american romcom we want and need! it’s just like the dumb straight shows! WE DESERVE TO GIGGLE AND CRINGE TOO

i was surprised (but not displeased!) to see a setup for another season rather than an ending with this one. manifesting an easy renewal. (thank u, straight taltbilb fandom, for helping feed the netflix marketing beast for our chaotic bisexual show.) that being said, they could totally have ended it here and idk what the fuck they’re even going to have as a plot for s3.

i have a love/hate relationship with new characters being introduced and the silly plotlines and also the somewhat disjointed dialogues sometimes but it’s also all very endearing lol.

i love the family drama in the show! the execution is lighthearted yes but fellow asian viewers know what i mean. <333

i genuinely don’t know who kitty is going to end up with! but that’s jenny han to you. tsitp would feel the same if the source material didn’t already tell us the ending, too.

i was a kittyuri truther after s1 but now i’m leaning mooncovey just because of how the development/excecution went … and i’m not mad either way lol. all i can tell you is that something viscerally bisexual was happening to me everytime i saw kittyuri on screen in s1 and mooncovey on screen in s2 (with some overlap. screams)

i did feel a little dissapointed to see yuri always chasing what she can’t have this season but really it made a lot of sense and i’m excited to see her development next season.

while yuri has commited many crimes which is what makes her iconic, minho is so babygirl and has never done anything wrong in his life. the shoujo manga/kdrama mooncovey moments were just *chef’s kiss* YES MA’AM GIVE THE VIEWERS WHAT THEY WANT

my girlfriend ships mindae and i think she’s crazy but also i see it, dae is the only one other than kitty that minho could satisfactorily end up with. god i was so mad when i thought they were making an ohio rando his endgame lmaoooo and i was GENUINELY concerned that the kittyuri hate train from mooncovey shippers would descend like bloodthirsty sharks if that happened. praying to god they don’t just push minho or yuri with any ole new character at the end of s3 just to have them not be single. that would be lame. mindae is more than fair game though. 😝 they get into so many fights, it has to mean something … brb getting lost in the gay dae theories …

yuri & dae’s friendship will never grow old to me. i love i love i LOVE

also love it when the characters speak korean amongst themselves, which really drives home how multicultural the show really is. (also it’s hilarious how madison, a literal white girl, speaks better korean than kitty lmao.)

a part of the mooncovey fanbase is very biphobic and lesbophobic and we really need to shame them for it because it’s super annoying. like yeah i know you’re coming from tatbilb which taught you queers exist only in the form of the gay guy best friend for the straight girl protagonist but! jenny han has grown! have you not seen tsitp?! have you also not noticed kitty was never like lara jean?! she wore a mf suit to their dad’s wedding for god’s sake sigh. disrespectfully, if your ship can’t exist without lame excuses on why an alternate ship isn’t as “valid”, then your ship probably isn’t that great in the first place. which is sad, because mooncovey is an awesome ship.

overall a slay. jenny han i know we have a fraught relationship but they could never make me hate you. truly one of the few people in mainstream cishet romcom media that said “actually queer people should be included af because they’re FUN and an underappreciated goldmine!” she also never lets the fandom tell her what to do. you keep doing you, queen!!! i mean it! 💖

[weirdmageddon]

why i think aradia and john work so well

(with some stuff i’ve been wanting to yap about for ages)

have you guys ever given arajohn / johnradia (idk if its popular enough to even have a standardized ship name) any thought …? i know it seems kind of out of left field. i’ve considered it and i think its. really really good. i have a bunch of thoughts to unpack. come join me. and maybe grab a snack or something because i didn’t realize how much i'd actually have to say about this

(fantastic art by skeletood)

the other day i made a tweet that did rather well where i said, “john and aradia shouldve talked more. its so simple but i like how she actually earnestly answers his questions. so many characters in this comic are so mean to john for just wanting to know more give him a break”

putting it out there now im not big about shipping for the sake of shipping. there needs to be real chemistry. i need to sense that as a reason why two characters would potentially be a good influence on each other. i never knew why i was always so obstinate about this because it’s fictional and not materially hurting anyone, but i think it might be because i’m not sure how to justify it or explain it if not.

i strongly believe john and aradia would have had it made out for them if circumstances allowed it. (what i mean by “ship” or “johnradia” extends to any kind of interpersonal dynamic, even if just a good friendship. it doesnt even have to be romantic, just some sort of dynamic with them.)

unfortunately aradia originally committed herself to staying out of trolling the kids over their timelines, so john and aradia never talked until year 3 on the ship in the dream bubbles but they never had a truly proper one-on-one without outside meddling. i think if john knew aradia better and her story beforehand, she had more time to explain herself and her history, he wouldnt have been unsettled. and also of course if his experience with the trolls didn’t suck so bad because he already had expectations for how antagonizing most of them were.

i found people’s sentiments about johnradia elsewhere too. i remembered that they were both on the song art for ascend, and searched ao3 to see how many fics have been written to gauge how substaintial it’s been in the homestuck fandom. only 17 of them turned up. but the people who do talk about it are either curious about it or really do like it, and that interested me.

clearly it’s pretty niche character relationship to be depicted in any fanwork and i can understand why. despite being so small, from what ive seen it seems universally agreed upon to be nice. i haven’t seen a single person object to it. what ive seen falls into two categories: “wow i didnt think about this before but i actually dig it” or “(starving) finally some good fucking food”

the pattern im seeing is that people think it’s “random”, but i disagree. there is something there substantiating it even if they’re unable to articulate it.

the fanfic these comments are from is chronology of wind. that fic is really, really good, and sadly unfinished. i have more abstract reasons to believe why aradia and john would be good in theory, so actually seeing someone else actually make something with them helped me read it in action, to get a more tangible feel of the dynamic beyond what we have in canon.

i wouldn’t normally make claims about a relationship with regard to homestuck canon by looking at their relationship in a fanfic, because i think you all know by now i am very nitpicky about accurate characterization, and it does not go unnoticed by me when people get it right because for some reason it feels like a one in a million thing (even though it really shouldn’t be?). so this was a special case. the tone was completely consistent with canon. this fic is so in-character i’d basically consider it an extension of canon. to me it’s like they took the same characters and plopped them into this scenario to see how they’d interact. guys… i love that stuff so much. i love fanfiction or fanworks that depict realistic extensions of canon and stays true to the energy and tone of the source, but deepens it. there isn’t enough of it imo. i want to see more of it.

anyway, what i read of their conversations in that fic basically aligned with what i was thinking in my head about what i’d expect it to be like. i was able to compare how aradia and john talked to how aradia and the other characters interacted, their comparative attitudes towards each other—how they’re treated by others compared to how they treat each other.

have you noticed john and aradia’s communication values are both based on sincerity, being in the proper know, treating people fairly, and thanklessly taking on the necessary work that “must be done” in order to have what they really want — a good time that feels meaningful? and they accomplish this without any adjustment in how they talk to each other.

john is always subtly (or not-so-subtly) asking the people around him to answer him soberly and to the point so he knows whats going on and what that means for what his options are. he needs to know to what end he will be applying his absurd energetic drive into making shit happen. aradia honors his time before john can even become uncomfortable with the amount of time being eaten up by conversation. contrast this with rose, who seems to go on for a while with prose-like conversational adornments. in dire situations that need rapid explanation and definitive answers so he knows what to do, this is really the last thing he needs. aradia doesnt waste john’s time. she answers all his questions, and does it politely to boot. his time talking to her doesn't feel wasted.

john's impatience with this sort of nonsense is also why i can’t see something like dirkjohn working out, for example. to me it feels like @entropicbias also deeply understands this on some level because i literally couldn’t have demonstrated what i mean by it any better myself than that. i'm gonna have to to hit him up about how much i genuinely respect that like tbh hes one of the few i absolutely trust to handle writing and depicting these characters in situations and their interpersonal dynamics. and also care about doing their characterization justice as much as me.

of course people are still entitled to like whatever they like, ship whatever they want to. i dont care. but i just don’t think it would work from the perspective of the minds of the canon characters, how they generally think and approach situations. and i can already tell people might ask me how do i know this? what makes me an expert? i’m not more than anyone else is (although i have been called a "characterization expert" from my friends), but i do know that i can pick up on the energetic chemistry between people, including characters, honestly precognitively, without even thinking? like if it’s stiff or tense or awkward, if people aren’t free to express themselves uninhibitedly, if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. i can sense this almost instantly. it’s something that’s a visceral feeling in my body i cant express and i have to rationalize it after the fact. like i’m doing now in fact writing this big analysis.

> listen to me talk about my special interest boy

for the next section to make sense, you probably want to read this post. i initially started writing it within this post to explain but there was so much brewing i had to explain the context that it turned into something i wanted to post on its own terms.

> okaaaaaayyyyy i read all that

thank you, really. my main point is using the conceptual tools provided by this system to expIain why aradia and john feel nice together and why i’ve seen people positively perceive the idea of a relationship between them even if it seems “random”.

framing them in this system, it wouldn’t be random! there’s a good reason they seem to fit nicely. this is because john and aradia have complementary forms of information metabolism. information metabolism is talked about in this section.

Jung’s psychic types are the types of cognition, or intelligence. But it would probably be easiest to call them types of IM [information metabolism], since the main difference between the types of people lies in their exchange of information with the external world.

Aushra Augusta, Commentary on Jung’s Typology and Introduction to Information Metabolism

aradia megido’s type of information metabolism (otherwise known as a TIM) is LII. john egbert’s TIM is ESE.

aradia and john’s types are duals. you can read more about what that entails here. in theory, their interactions would reflect the duality dynamic. reading chronology of wind, that one really in-character fic that explored their dynamic made me excited because they do!

michael pierce gave an overview of his impression of the characteristics of this intertype dynamic. despite only rough knowledge in socionics while he wrote this, his understanding of duality was spot on to me from my experience and others and i wanted to share it here. (fittingly, i believe he is also LII.)

Now we have the famous duality relationship: in a nutshell, this role is characterized by two traits: 1) a very close psychological distance or intimacy, and 2) a great ease of interacting with each other. It is sometimes described how meeting one's dual can be the event of a lifetime, because it inspires aspects in each party's character that they had never expressed before: the pair may even drop out of society for a time in order to focus on just each other, and to explore themselves through interaction with each other. The curious thing in this relationship is that these parties are rather different in outlook, and when they are not actually interacting as potential friends it's probably more likely for them to dislike or mistrust each other because of how different they are. […] However, when they are able to interact normally, it is a strange and wonderful discovery to realize that the interaction is unexpectedly smooth and invigorating. It's hard for people to describe, but as I understand it: while both parties recognize their differences on the surface, these differences are created by a root structure that coincides perfectly with each other, so that the differences on the surface are entirely complementary and cause no friction at all.

it’s also meaningful to consider that the structure of my own psyche is LII as well. so i’ve got a bit of a bias towards aradia and john.. not in the sense that what i actually say about them is personally biased, but that the bias is moreso my personal attention to people and characters of these two types in particular to see how my own experiences are reflected in them. i really do feel of a reflection of my own thought and work process in aradia and in the more abstract sense she is like an extension of myself. when people say they like aradia as a character i get secondhand joy from that because shares certain specific traits with me. of course i am still my own person though.

these are some of the most apt profiles i've found for these types at a glance. again, think about these characters as you read these descriptions. [from here (ESE / LII)]

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert) - john

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on socializing and guiding social situations and interactions so that the people involved can have fun and enjoy themselves. ESEs are typically in the middle of what is happening socially and know about the latest events and what people think and feel about them. They are skilled at bringing people together in fun and interesting ways and making everyone feel actively involved. Their friends know them as people who love life and feel most at home in social situations surrounded by other fun people. In their pursuit of fun-oriented and stimulating social interactions, ESEs typically neglect to structure their own thought processes and views in a way that would help them know exactly what they think and why. They are receptive to others’ attempts to help them introduce more structure and logical consistency in their life and thinking processes. They gravitate most to people who open up to fun and emotional interaction easily, yet are also skilled at systematizing thoughts and views and explaining ideological matters.

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert) - aradia

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on logical, structured thought and generating true assertions and views. LIIs are typically strict thinkers who are concerned that everything fits together in a logical way. They are skilled at understanding, generating, and criticizing logical arguments and instilling their views in the people around them. Their friends know them as people with well-organized thoughts and opinions who know what they think and can elucidate their ideas to others. In their pursuit of logical understanding, LIIs typically neglect their external social interactions and activities that would help them lighten up and experience a connection with other people. They are receptive to others’ attempts to create these fun and lighthearted situations for them. They gravitate most to people who are interested in their opinions and understanding of things, but are also skilled at organizing social interactions and creating a sense of emotional unity.

ive recently consciously experienced the feeling of duality for the first time since i've been communicating with my mom's high school classmate, and it is definitely a real thing. i even remember mom pointing out she noticed when we were all talking on the phone over a year ago that i perked up whenever he said stuff. here is how i explained it:

its bonkers how only once i experience something for myself i’m able to explain in detail what makes it so great based on what my impressions about it were because i tend to have a peculiar way of describing the qualities of an experience. my specialty is deep precision in my analogies for what it’s like. so now i can tell you how conversations with your dual feel… heres the status report. it’s weightless. its so strange. like the topic conversation stretches into infinity that you can pick right back up at any time. it’s hazy and unfocused but still pleasant (unless you’re particularly self-conscious and need to unlearn hiding your true self). but the best parts of it come when you have a specific issue or insecurity that comes with being your most natural self that the world seems to misunderstand about you, or just not give you what you don't even know you’ve been looking for. i think you might mutually intimidate each other at first because you're lowkey both expecting to be made fun of for your inadequacy with certain types of information that the other is nuanced with (and you’re not), but it never comes. you don't feel like what your dual wants in life is wrong. your dual seems so talented in all the ways you hope to shine but you’re always unsure of. for the introvert (me) wishing they felt their own active presence as an object (Se, Ne, Te, Fe) like the extravert does. for the extravert, wishing they felt their own relationships with other objects (Si, Ni, Ti, Fi) like the introvert does. any other intertype relationship (ITR) vs. duality is like the difference between 99% and 100% totality of a solar eclipse, except it’s the level of understanding with another person, like the eclipsing of your own information metabolism with theirs. of course there are other things that influence how well your relationship with this person goes, but i am talking strictly about when it comes to basic communication, the level of understanding you share. sometimes it might feel like you dont have much to talk about or the topic is unfocused, because you two ARE opposites in many ways after all, especially at a glance (domain of interests usually come with specific macroelements. theories about thought structures—like socionics, for instance—are in the domain of intuition, while physical interests and experiences are in the domain of sensorics.) i’m LII in the NT club (researchers) and my dual ESE in the SF club (social-communicative). so they’re constantly providing you with information from their own niche in life that you may be entirely unfamiliar with, but for some reason still interests and relaxes you to hear. you might not feel like you have a lot to say about the topic since but you are fully amazed by this person’s activity. it also makes you feel more sure of yourself and more confident that people truly appreciate and need your natural abilities.

> let’s break it down

here’s some lightly modified descriptions of the information blocks in LII and ESE's information metabolism models from pyatnitsky so you can get an overarching impression of how their type contributes to the informational sphere. i added some of my own adjustments and borrowed some sentences from stratiyevskaya's descriptions. additionally, you can click on the name of the block for an explanation of the role it plays.

i put about a week’s work into these collages but my goal with them was to actually show where i think these information blocks are most pertinent in these characters specifically and where they apply so it’s not just some abstract thing, just as supplementary examples as needed. (for the meaning of these information elements individually you can refer to cysia’s document.)

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert)

EGO (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Analytical thinking. They are well aware of the interrelationships of some objects or phenomena with others, and what laws are in effect or not in effect. On the basis of a comprehensive analysis, they put forward insights about the global essence of specific objects and phenomena, their possibilities. They acutely charge the situation with potential energy. For every situation, there is an archetype.

Super-EGO (-Fi? -> -Se!). Normative ideas about relationships between people and ways to get out of unpleasant ethical situations. Understands ethics as founded on the principles of fairness; to do to one side of the equation that you do to the other. Volitional manifestations in order to protect their living space are carried out only on the basis of personal experience. Because of the limited opportunities to fight back, they react painfully to attempts of any interference in his life. Does not respond to any arbitrary crudeness or volitional pressuring. Does not compromise goals, stubbornly clings to them. Avoids direct confrontation if possible, would rather talk civilly and earnestly. Uses their naturally strong sense of the conditioning of objects over time to avoid collisions with their material interests. Due to this, they may appear as someone with very little weaknesses.

Super-ID (+Fe -> +Si?) Attracts information about a good mood, a specific positive state, or a feeling. They would like to think that they can eliminate serious inconveniences, make the environment around them more comfortable. This skill needs to be evaluated. They are unconsciously activated when there is a need to make the environment more comfortable, which should lead to a better state, raise the mood at least in the immediate environment. In friendly, comfortable, and informal company, their cool exterior thaws and they start lighting up with joviality.

ID (+Te! → +Ni?). Has developed guidelines and methods that relate to specific practical activities, technological effectiveness, and resource use. Spontaneously feels the correct allocation of resources over time, which allows them to effectively solve tasks at an unhurried pace. This pace is deeply rational in nature.

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert)

EGO (+Fe! -> +Si?). Perception of the world is fundamentally emotional. Feels the emotional atmosphere well in any situation, knows the relevance of the way of expression, the place and weight (importance) of the internal state in each situation. Flexible approach to solving problems of managing and expressing emotions. They show bright emotionality both negative and positive. Creatively produces around themself comfort, coziness, conveniently arranges space, surrounds others with beautiful things, changing thereby the general condition and mood. Usually opinionated about their tastes.

(wow i really went all out on that this one that tumblr wont even display it in full resolution, so here. john just has so many more lines to choose from, sorry!)

Super-EGO (+Te! -> +Ni?). Practical and technological thinking is tightly based on acquired knowledge and patterns of solving similar problems. Methods of business activity in both general and specific areas are selected based on the opinion of reputable sources, or adjusted to one of the mastered templates. Predicting specific changes in the sphere of their interests is carried out only on the basis of personal experience. He is not able to compare his own method of forecasting with others, so he is sensitive to criticism of poor timing or deadlines, does not like situations that feel like a waste of his time; he is lost in connection with negative events. Guided by purely personal experience, he chooses specific times and deadlines for various tasks with a normative understanding of business activity in general.

Super-ID (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Attracts information about the order, specific logical relationships in the field of activity or interests. Needs someone to suggest specific ways to make connections between phenomena, patterns, and rules. Tries to be reasonable himself, even though he knows that this is not characteristic of him. Sometimes he openly talks of his actions that were poorly reasoned through, as if inviting other people to laugh at his thoughtlessness. The ordering and systematization of thought opens up a new way of understanding of events that are happening around him, as well as new prospects, potential, and capabilities. He likes to think that he understands the essence of a situation and lights up with new ideas. This skill needs to be evaluated. It is unconsciously activated when it is necessary to create order, clear consistency and clarity on a particular issue, especially if their abilities are recognized.

ID (-Fi? -> -Se!). Involuntarily keeps track of communications in their social circle. Without hesitation, they use a variety of ways to establish and maintain relationships that have been developed in his personal practice. Good relationships are important for personal inner confidence in a situation. To prevent unfavorable relationships, they are inclined, often without even realizing it, to act with pressure, forcing a showdown, forcing the partner to change the relationship for the better. Frequently demonstrates his resoluteness, persistence, and purposefulness, as if proposing his behavior as a model for imitation. Usually tells in much detail what obstacles were created before him, and how he overcame them, what he was told in response, and what he replied with, and so on and in the like.

(full res)

you might be able to see already how they would complement each other's thought process nicely. here are some descriptions of what the communication between these types is like:

+Fe! : program function of ESE and dual-seeking function of LII

The ESE periodically tells emotionally charged "program" function stories, telling of how somebody has acted and what they have done. The main orientation of ESE's leading ethical program is: "No one should be offended." The LII carefully listens to these statements, and, demonstrating a full understanding of these issues, develops logical basis for them, e.g. in calm persuasive voice he explains how the ESE has acted justly and fairly. The effusion of turbulent emotions coming from the ESE is counterbalanced by their absorption by the LII, who breaks them down into fragments by asking clarifying questions of the ESE.

-Ti? : dual-seeking function of ESE and program function of LII

The ESE is tuned to accepting information when it's relayed in clear logical form. He issues requests for logical explanations delivered from a point of view of generalized rules underpinning specific life events, which he receives from the LII, who delivers clear unambiguous interpretations, places the dots over all "i's", and demonstrates good understanding of problems that are of concern to the ESE. Not receiving information of this kind, the ESE begins making demands of those around him to be "intelligent" and understand the reasons of his actions.

-Ne! : activating function of ESE and creative function of LII

The ESE feels uncomfortable if he doesn't extend his help to people who are in need of it. His subconscious orientation is: "care and guard the talented", be kind and attentive towards other people. The LII usually meets such criteria by proving in action his aptitude at uncovering hidden capabilities, winning trust, passing on the knowledge. The ESE creates supportive conditions for people who are capable but lacking in assertive "push-through" qualities, among whom the LII finds himself, and a special work regime that protects such individuals from overloads on sensing functions. Newly discovered possibilities inspire and promote the pragmatic and business-oriented activities of the ESE. He can support a new undertaking or initiative with an enormous amount of energy and enthusiasm, light up by new ideas. Only the LII is able to, even having a vague general notion about the subject, construct a developed theory or idea of any issue. This theory shows to be promising in the process of its concrete application within its field.

+Si? : creative function of ESE and activating function of LII

LII tries to take care of their well-being, but may gravitate towards demonstrative asceticism, exhaust himself with work, studies, or exercise. The ESE periodically takes care of creating an environment that "charges" the LII with pleasant sensations: a reception of guests, a good meal, a visit to a theater or a concert, an interesting trip, and so on. At the same time the ESE takes pleasure in this himself.

+Te! : role function of ESE and observing function of LII

The role function of the ESE manifests as business-oriented activity and initiative, supplying interesting information, provision with material assistance to those who are in need, general restlessness and fussy busyness. This function is normative, i.e. the ESE seeks to comply with the norms and accepted ways of doing things. The nuancing of the understanding of these norms, i.e. introduction of activities that go beyond them, is possible only by considering LII's advice and recommendations. The LII serves as a director of this function, adjusting its workings by advocating the necessity of practical application of some beneficial ideas, rejection of useless though spectacular ideas, and the need to ensure standards of life not below average by rejection of equalization.

+Ni? : vulnerable function of ESE and demonstrative function of LII

The ESE poorly feels the flow of time, both physical, which manifests as running late and poor distribution of his strengths over time, and historical, which manifests as poor ability to anticipate consequences of actions and tendency for traditional ways of solving problems. The ESE finds it difficult to make radical choices. The LII fully takes this aspect onto his shoulders. He has an unconscious ability to distribute activities in time, thereby avoiding work stress and overloads, and is capable of making a radical choice. The LII is able to calmly wait and in the necessary moment get to work when the wasteful fussiness of the ESE reaches its critical point.

-Fi? : ignoring function of ESE and role function of LII

On this function the ESE gives advice and makes demands concerning the creation of appropriate psychological distances in form of proper behavior, courtesy and politeness, denouncing rudeness and boorishness. In this manner, the ESE adjusts LII's role function, which in itself contains a set of large psychological distances: a sullen stubborn look, unsociability, etc. With such fine-tuning it becomes easier for the LII to come into contact with people, whereby he becomes more animated, resolves many of his ethical problems that previously frightened him, gains greater insight into human relationships and a more accurate understanding as to whose side to take in situations of conflict.

-Se! : demonstrative function of ESE and vulnerable function of LII

The LII finds it very difficult to exert pressure on other people from his own will and initiative, especially in cases when he needs to attain something for himself. He finds this difficult to do - to press ahead in certain situations, to gather all the required paperwork, to stand in lines and queues, to petition for his own interests, even the ones that are of vital importance to him. He finds it difficult to push a person away, to sharply refuse someone, to quarrel loudly and defend his rights, to put an end to relations that have exhausted themselves. The ESE doesn't directly affect this function, i.e. he doesn't verbally criticize and teach the LII on this aspect, but takes over its functioning completely. The ESE exerts a constant, sometimes intrusive and imposing pressure on other people if there is a need to achieve something, to defend justice and demand fair treatment, to protect interests of those who are close and dear to him. The ESE goes to the right jurisdictions, inspires people around him and directs them towards work and purposeful activity, keeps up a high pace of life himself, and breaks off relations with those who don't deserve trust.

and some miscellaneous excerpts from literature i liked a lot. (i can't remember the sources i used since i've been working on this on and off, for the past week and i was just spilling things onto the post. i think stratiyevskaya?):

Mood - that’s what matters in this dyad - emotions and feelings. Anything that suppresses and overshadows good mood is considered unethical in this dyad and is strongly condemned.

The ESE does not allow the LII to limit him in the possibilities of consuming the amount of pleasures and joys, which he considers to be necessary and sufficient. Fortunately, both partners in the dyad - LII and ESE - are obstinate and unyielding. Both are demanding, unwilling (and not allowing anyone else) to lower the bar of their requirements, unable to give in and make concessions (especially in anything that is of principle for themselves). Both know how to make their partner reckon with their interests and insist on the fulfillment of their demands.

LII is impressed by the emotional generosity of ESE and his spiritual responsiveness. All this finds the deepest understanding in LII, since he is tuned to the same priorities and values. For his part, ESE admires the ability of LII to speak clearly and definitely on every issue. ESE is struck by the harmony of the reasoning of LII, the amazing clarity, accuracy and laconicism of his statements. To ESE it seems that for LII, there is nothing incomprehensible in this world; he can give a comprehensive explanation on every issue. And everything that ESE thought about before is gradually being built into a definite and clear system of views, which he can now very freely and naturally present. Confusion and chaos in his worldview gradually gives way to a stable logical order, as if someone patient and careful was sorting all his thoughts into shelves. Such clarity inspires and activates ESE; he begins to see some prospects for himself, new opportunities. His energy and activity, in addition to emotional and ethical expression, also receives sensory realization: ESE begins to take care of LII and carefully looks after him. If LII is a colleague with whom ESE is especially pleasant to communicate with, he begins to treat him with something tasty, homemade; will make some small, but beautiful and necessary gift (for example: new cologne or a warm scarf).

> okay that's great and all but when are we talking about john and aradia specifically?

yes, that was the point of this post. i just had to build all that up first so i could walk you through my thoughts in a fully substantiated way.

considering chronology of wind again, john doesnt realize it but he needs aradias frankness and insight. even if she’s unable to explicate on vague things, she states the reason why instead of making him feel stupid (it would create a doomed timeline) but thats all john needs to hear. she is self-effacing and only tells him the truth, and we know other people can take advantage of john’s suggestibility in this way. aradia tells john who is or isnt trustworthy, what actions would be useful/necessary and which ones wont, without any selfish personal motive a la vriska or terezi.

^ (juuuust the record my nitpicky ass doesn’t agree with the truth of the classpect interpretation on behalf of the author in the last bit BUT that is beside the point here. the point is that she is answering john’s question in a way that is meaningful for him)

aradia doesnt realize it but she needs john’s friendy goofiness to brighten her up because she is surrounded by people who antagonize her when she’s literally not even trying to get under anyones skin. everybody gets frustrated at her “spooky nonsense” because theyre afraid of their own mortality, basically telling her to put a lid on it because thinking about hard truths makes THEM personally uncomfortable. but to her it’s always just been a fact of life. plugging your ears to reality is ignorance, but at the same time that doesn’t mean there’s no meaning in anything. she wants to help people see this and she dedicates herself to becoming a psychopomp for the deceased and earnestly trying to make people feel emotionally and physically comfortable in their situation through exploring their memories.

john isn’t hostile towards her. by being herself she is immediately able to earn john’s trust when they initially talk. this is also true in canon; the one time they talked when john initially comes up to her, saying “can i ask you something? seem reasonable, and pretty nice.” unfortunately he asked her the one question she didn’t have much to say about, and i can’t blame him for expecting all the troll girls to be basically insane at that point. but i don’t think aradia is insane. yes she is odd, but i think it’s evident that she has a good head on her shoulders with knowledge of the way the universe around her works, and in the end wants to simply bask in watching it play out. i think she deserves to get childishly excited about it, especially considering she was dead for most of her developmental years.

aside from getting his answers answered, john shows curiosity about her and her species and even care about her well-being and state. this naturally comes from their conversation’s ebb and flow. aradia tells this straightforwardly, without bells and whistles and without trying to trick him, unlike the other trolls who seem keen on well..trolling him.. and providing him with unclear answers to those sorts things. maybe aside from vriska, but she did have a little bit of an attitude about it wherein her and john’s dynamic felt uneven or off-rhythm, with a large psychological distance. it’s a different feeling with aradia, however. they exchange information on the same rhythm and so are able to achieve a closer psychological distance in communication.

there are no judgments coming from aradia about john being “stupid”. she doesn’t underestimate him. it’s not just that john wants to understand (although he does), but he needs to understand what he is doing. aradia compliments john about the traits he possesses that allow him to be effective. i guess in a way i’m doing the same thing with john right now.

john is so mobile and strung along by being the action hero going from place to place as a can-do deliveryboy that he never has time to reflect on his losses, think through them, and accept them.

literally who else is more qualified in all of homestuck than aradia for talking to john about these things?

on top of all of this, they have objectively significant connections beyond just mutual self-realization in a way i think could've been fleshed out. there is potential here.

for a story, i can think of a way that a conversation between them could plausibly happen using the systems established in homestuck's mythology. in canon, we see that john never met aradia until year 3 on the golden battleship in the dream bubbles when he goes to sleep.

but john still dreamt out in the furthest ring. that means during those 3 years it was possible for john to have had a dream with her in it, or at least aradiabot. i know john didn't know aradia's name beforehand but let's just explore the possibility that they could have had met before that. remember that all these aradiabots were once this person.

aradia had obtained john's crosbytop, his dads hat, and his wallet quite a while before their sgrub session. theres your entry

imagine john seeing that

memories of dear old dad get stirred up through the link of seeing those items

the dream bubble transforms

john is forced to stand in his memories and explore grief and the meaning of life with aradia

physically being in the space around him would definitely help john reflect easier i think because it will force him to actually exist within the space and talk to someone, taking some time out for this. he wanted to know if anything could've been done or if he was just too late to save them. i know aradia would be able help him slow down and introspect. don't forget the opportunities created by the properties of these spaces that are glubbed out in the furthest ring by the horrorterrors that meld the labyrinthine time and space of their surroundings to the memories of the people and finding others through common points in memory. i would imagine that objects known by multiple people would provide a common point in memory to bring them together.

The bubbles allow the players of Sburb/Sgrub who have lost a life to continue dreaming. The reality constructed in the bubbles is a combination of the memories of everyone inside the bubble accessible to any who has learned the bubble's nature. According to Aradia, it would be quite difficult to exit a bubble to get into a new one, however someone inside a bubble can travel to another one through common points in memory, taking their own memories with them to be integrated into the new bubble. These memories mix and combine, but in general, no new memories are created. Additionally, the bubbles store the consciousness of a player who has lost their dream selves and their original selves, making them double as a form of afterlife; the player is then capable of accessing the memory of anyone else who has gained access to the bubbles. Living players, who have lost or become their dream selves, appear in the dream bubbles when they are asleep. It is in this fashion that the bubbles can be used as meeting places between the dead and the living; even those from alternate universes and doomed timelines can be found in a bubble. Furthermore, in addition to memories, the bubbles can to some extent reflect the thoughts of a player. Beyond that, the bubbles can also behave similarly to Skaia's clouds, showing things that are in some way relevant to the player - such as when coin-flip Dave saw alpha Dave grieving over Bro's corpse - something he was not aware of before being shown it by a bubble.

physically reflect the thoughts of the player…… rubs hands

john and aradia share points in memory related to those objects, and to top it all of they are directly related to john's dad on the same day he died, while aradia grew up with them as bizarre alien artifacts from an archeological dig. the memories are more emotionally charged for john, and i think that distinction would probably be relevant to them both.

to be honest i think after speaking with him for a bit she would readily tell john that she regrets not talking to the kids from the universe her team created sooner before she died, but is glad that she can in the afterlife. in canon, alpha aradia told a doomed dave, "i think its absurd i never introduced myself to you in all that time i spent moping around the lab. guess i wasnt in a very good mood".

now not all the aradiabots would know who john is, because the trolls only found out about the humans once they created the genesis frog and hid out in the lab in the veil from jack who infiltrated their session. the aradiabot in the lab was the last one that survived. so if any one of them would know who john is, it would be the aradiabot that exploded. aradia's dream self ascended to god tier in jack noir's rampage on trolls' derse and took those memories with her which we can assume is what made the last aradiabot explode. its known that any original copy that dies when another rises up becomes a ghost and lives on in the dream bubbles, which would include her. a doomed aradiabot we see in the comic, which was the one that originally landed to alternia in the past, becomes more lighthearted after she dies, a bit more like her alive counterpart.

oh yeah, and the more obvious surface-level connections to top it off? ghostbusters? john ain't afraid of no ghost girl. john would be genuinely interested in what aradia living as a ghost irl on her planet and not as a gaming abstraction in the furthest ring would be like. i imagine she would be able to explain the subjective experience and that she had to prototype herself into the kernelsprite order for her server player to see her. there's also no way john hasn't seen a movie as classic as indiana jones and judging from her poster i can imagine he probably thinks it's sweet that aradia's strife specibus whipkind is a reflection of her own personal tastes, interests and hobbies.

so yeah i've just been chewing on all of this and thinking about it but i know i needed to just get this out there somehow. obviously since i spent two weeks putting this post together i'd be happy to hear your thoughts

[haveihitanerve]

We’re going down, down the sea lads. Hold onto your sheep!

The Lighthouse Commentary- (bc one of you lovelies suggested it :))

Sam’s face immediately starting strong because what XD

“... you cant close up a lighthouse.” Sam’s initial confusion. Oh brother this is gonna be fun…

Luke’s cackling off to the side as Tom grins

“I meant for me.” Quick save AJ, nicely done, very good

“Its quite late.” “it is really late!” Aj sounds ready to genuinely cry, i feel like this was performed at a really late time in real life and AJ wants to go to bed lol 

“Maybe this job isn't for yoUUU!” idk but i like the way he said it- also still feel like they’re referencing the comedy show/real life and not the characters in the play- idk why i feel like this but something about their speaking patterns lmao

“This job is for me!” >:( 

“Lighthouse-man.” “li-lighthouse-man?” “yeah. yeah.” Thats right Aj- stand your ground!

“Im doing this on internship-” “you're doing an internship-” glad you both got to say it boys, really solidified the internship bit, nice

“I've never seen a woman. I don't- what's that?” AJ making everything more drastic and chaotic, perfect, that's what i like to see XD

And breaking Sam along with it, beautiful

“The LIGHT!” reaches for it- ok aj, commit, nice :D

The eyes rolling allllll the way into the back of his head is totally not terrifying-

“The light is great. The light keeps sheeps- ships-sheets-” AJ breaking fully as he explodes a laugh but trying to maintain character at the same time is hilarious he looks like he's shitting XD

“There's nothing like the light of a woman's laughter.” damn sam. That's poetic. If my future partner don't say that i don't want ‘em

Tom’s little sheep mehhrrr is beautiful

“A rumspringa.” Sam purposefully using words he knows AJ doesn't know what they mean- asshole XD

“You know the amish.” “...yeees?” “.Go on.” Sam you menace XD

AJ throwing a glance at Tom for help

“Why are you telling ME to go on? You brought it up!” Fair point, very fair point, Sam’s just being mean lmaoo

Ok AJ does not, in fact, know who Amish are, but its fine, after a quick little giggle break Sam is incorporating a family called Amish into the story, so its fine XD

“Going down… down the sea.” I appreciate his commitment i gotta be honest

“Do- do you mean South?” They just cant let AJ have anything can they? Lol

“Do you know what happened?” Sam: “...i think i can guess” LMAOOO

“Through the smoke..” “the smoke?!?!?” Sam is genuinely concerned lol. “Through the smoke, cause there was fire on the ship.” “oh shit!” Sam did not see that coming XD

“Through the- it was really bad!” Now aj feels the need to explain his story, wonderful 

Luke giving flashback noises, and AJ just repeating them??? Brilliant teamwork boys, 10/10 lol

Tom, of course, cant be excluded: keep going DOWN lads!!! Keep going DOWN the sea!!!

Luke and Tom have casually taken over the scene now XD

“By the way- by “down the sea” do you mean south???” They just really cant let Aj live!!!! Lmaooo

“My brother passed away.” oh my gods Aj what kind of lore are you giving yourself????

‘“MY SON! MY ONLY SON!” Luke, no no, Aj is still alive- “APART FROM MY OTHER SON!” There you go, now Aj keeps going- “WHO I DON'T RESPECT AT ALL!!!” now that just seems unnecessary - XD

“THE CONSTANT DISAPPOINTMENT!” Oh luke is still going, oka- “I BET HE’D RATHER BE ON FUCKING LAND!!” Luke!!! Let him finish his traumatic backstory about why he wants to be a lighthouse keeper!!!! Come on!!! XD

“So I don't care- bout how fucking great women are!” the smile as he says it because ohhh noo thats not how he meant that to come across at all lmaooo XD

“Im just saying… give it a go.” And that was too much for AJ and we get another quick laugh, beautiful 

Sam casually stealing the chair luke was going to sit on to force him to grab another one lol

“Oh the sheep aren't shitting like they used to.” I love how unwilling they are to let a single mistake go, its absolutely fantastic lol! Also Sam’s sheep impression is spot on

“Daughter.” “oh!” Tom was not expecting that to be his role, but ok then :) 

“Like someones- shutting the curtains randomly!” Side eyes AJ hard 

[sheep panic]

[sheep straining] love how sams automatic reaction is to just do the opposite of what luke said lol

“The sheep are just too inbred.” Sam:... *wait a fucking minute*..? He took that personally lmaooo

“That ones got a mostly bald face.” Luke: *looks at Aj* Sam: *also looks around* Tom: no you you fucking idiots-

[sheep baas] fuck you -sam really did take it personally, but then again, Tom also made it personal XD

“The easen- eastern portion.” “the easen-eastern portion yeah.” Tom XD

“Look at this sheep holding another sheep!” Tom, i just don't think thats what his stagecraft is lol

Sam: *contemplating how to do this*... wasn't what i was going for, but…

Luke's explosion of laughter and the way Tom made direct eye contact with Sam when he said it lol

“Oh no my eyes betray me!” *waits expectantly for a clue as to wtf sam is holding*

“The quality of the wooool is poor.” He really needed to emphasize that word lol.

“Fuck you.” are those the only words this sheep can say???XD

“Going under? You mean its going- “down the sea”??” Tom really missed not being a part of the first scene i think…

“South you might say.” But only might! ;)

“Maybe we could send the sheep?” Tom sounds genuinely surprised that he himself suggested it

“I would be up for, sending the sheep *starts giggling* to be the main character!” *sam preparing himself, fastening up a tie and grabbing his briefcase* “of this story!” i love how both Tom and Sam are fashioning it in a way as though they are asking Luke for permission to do it XD

“Are you sure? Cause i was throwing it out there but..” of course now you backpedal Tom- make it his fault if the plot fails XD- smarttttt

“Why don't we go together?” “ahh fuck.” Sam really hates this storyline lmaooo

“You know i've never seen a man!” Sam’s absolutely done with all of them lmaoooooo

SAM! For legal reasons i will not be transcribing the action he did, but i shall give you the captions- [;)]

“They want one☝️thing!” “And whats that?” “se-ee-ex.” Luke’s disappointed turn around to look at Sam while he barely holds it together XD

“Well where are they gonna get that???” Tom, you beautiful beautiful child, his only purpose right now is to piss off the other three and i adore that for him

HES LITERALLY GIGGLING- this man is too cute omg-

Sam: *in sheep gesticulation* please just send me, i don't care that i have to play two characters in one scene, and that one of them is a sheep, tom is out of his fucking mind, please luke you know its smart- 

Or at least thats what i got from it

Luke’s little giggle and pat of Sam’s arm when Aj cuts their scene 🤧 so cute-

“Whats it like up there?” “Sorry?” *gets terrifyingly close* “whats. It. like. Up. there.” Aj looks disgusted and mildly put off but not totally concerned and i love that for their friendship :) 

“Its fucking dark though.” Luke is bamboozled. “Oh its fuck- you think its fucking dark up there??? With a great big fucking light?!?!” he slipped accents there for a sec and went into distraught Luke lol (i don't think aj knows how a lighthouse works, or what it even is, and if the boys knew that then they are evil and brilliant, and if they didn't then its still amusing as hell XD)

“Shining *starts laughing as AJ also breaks* in your eyes???” AJ is struggling to get the story right lol. “Do you have any idea what you do for a job???” I think Luke is genuinely curious lmaoo

Sam now having to step in because AJ has confused him too much so he has to clarify it too XD they're such idiots and i adore it

Tom joining the scene because he feels left out- classic

“Ill settle this honey-” oh sam 🫣

“NO IT WAS-” “AAAEEHHUUHUHAA!” Mocking each other like proper siblings XD this is the best thing ever

“I just wanted some fresh air :(“ leave him alone sam! “In the basement.” ofc the last jabbed parting words XD

AJ’s annoyed grin. “Alright- fucking- im outside now!” LMAOOOO

“Will you stop standing with your hooves on your hips?” Sam: *casually strikes a pose and baas annoyingly with a grin because he knows itll piss Tom off more* XD

Again, for legal reasons, not going to transcribe that 😑

“Excuse me-?” “oh!” Tom’s little gasp that makes Luke have to clamp a hand over his mouth to stop laughing. Gorgeous boys 

“Its a man..” The quiet awe- tom you're brilliant omg never change

“What the fuck are you?” YESS!!!! Both sides XD this is the best thing in my life 

“You're- you're a woman.” even tom cant stop his grin- they are such cuties omfg-

“Supposed to be a man are you?” Sam, never one to let an insult aimed at AJ go unnoticed: [baaa] nice ✋

“Thats right im a lighthouse keeper.” “[baa] what?” Sam cocking his head because wow Aj you just casually stole his job and lied to the first woman you've ever met. Tsk tsk

“Whats your name?” “poppy.” ok aj you're off the hook because now Sam is looking at Tom judgmentally lmaooo

“Oh its cause your sisters called poppy oh alright.” ….. Excuse me for one second. *leaves to go scream into the void* im back….. They just FUCKING- KNOW?>?????? THE NAME OF HIS SIST- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *im gonna go die of cuteness for one sec gimme a moment* idk why but the subtle reminders they are friends and actually know each other kill me. Anyway carry on-

Luke loosing it as Tom connects the dots and Tom motioning the “gears turning” to AJ to try and get him to get it too XD

(Atp they've just abandoned the “yes, and?” joke and started a “aj said one thing wrong once and now we’re gonna make this entire play all about it” and honestly, im here for it)

Also atp they're just competing to see who can make Sam stay in the scene and stand the longest and who can annoy the others the most and i am even more here for that lol

“My dad named me after the sheep.” the way Sam’s tongue is in his cheek as he watches Tom incorporate it into the story and his slow turn away

“Shes an old sheep now.” Sams eyebrows shoot into his hairline

“My names Clint.” “Clint?” Tom’s eyebrows are also in his hairline. “Are you sure?” (psst, Master Ybobb! Its bobby)

Tom treating Sam’s [baaing] as the translator game and just going off the rails lmaoo

“But the lights inside the curtain.” and thats too much for Sam- the way he leans against Tom for emotional support is so cute- 😭💗

Sam is soooo close to ripping his hair out, Tom is thoroughly enjoying whatever the hell i going on, and Luke is just laughing at them all

“Are all men this stupid?” Sam’s head bob as he points to Aj- help😭 hes trying his best guys! (seriously tho, what does Aj think a lighthouse is?)

“Are all women like you?” AJ had to come up with something didn't he lol

“Im just trying to be a good lighthouse keeper and im new at it!” poor baby. “Well you're clearly not.” ooooooohhhhhh. Damn tom. Ruthless

“My sheep will deal with you.” Smart Tom, very smart

AJ just casually stemming his hand against Sam’s forehead XD

“One.. two… three.” Sam, baby i just don't think hes gonna pick up on that 😭

“Im not sure whats happening.” yeah…

“Oh please know what this is.” Sam sounds genuinely distressed, poor guy😭😂

More cocaine, poor sam 

Sam and Tom are done with him 😭

“I've just got this bitch here-” AJ thoroughly enjoyed caling Tom that lol XD

“You cheeky fuck.” Aj though he could sit down lol

“Its nice to have a female presence in the lighthouse.” “thank you.” Turns judgmentally to Aj

“Your intern? Your INTERN, is it?” wow Tom, not holding back at all, very nice XD

[one more!] audience member i love you- especially because its funny but also because it made luke laugh lol

“Someones right on the rule of three :D” *seems genuinely overjoyed at this fact* “don't give it to em” “I wont!” oh come on guys!! “Make them wait for it!” thank you sam “Ill make them wait- THE INTERN!” diva turn and he gave us what we wanted, perfection

Ajs grin when it happens too, Sam might be suffering, but the other three are thoroughly enjoying this lol

“By the way whats his name?” “clint.” oh no sam not you too!

“Clint.” Tom sounds so judgy 😭

Sam: they say his father was a sea-men Tom: *eyebrows shoot up, then back down* thats how all little boys are made, aye

TOM!!! XD

“Sorry who- who offered you any part of it? I DIDN'T OFFER YOU ANY PART OF IT!” gorgeous work tom, flawless

“But he never talks about his mum.” guys, its almost the end of the play, why are we adding more plot???

“It seems like you want to give me some sort of backstory.” some people might call this meta, but if i were having a convo with a dude and they said this line, i would also think they want to give me backstory lol

“The light!” “the curtains!” at least they picked up on both stagecrafts. “Why would that make any difference?” “why both-?” “why both?” “why not just one of those things- *starts laughing*” they really cant let aj rest at all can they?? Lol

“Now the light isn't getting in from the outside!” Tom’s spin, now hes starting to get a little done with AJ just like Sam lol! “Oh! If only the curtains were open, this lightbulb would be giving light!” poor AJ 😭😂

“-head like a fucking egg-” fully breaks character and shatters the fourth wall XD

“Hey you! You bald fucker!” Sam: *gasps as though he hasn't just said the literal exact thing only slightly less bluntly* :0

“Yes? Can i help you?” Luke annoyed now too, glorious XD

“Grant i don't need you, fuck off grant.” “i feel like we've bullied him a lot today.” you don't say XD Lukes helpless shrug. “I know but hes pissed me off!” I love the way Aj just stays out of frame lol- hes not getting involved until he has to 

“You called me a bald fucker.” AJ’s strut onto the stage is iconic “i've got a whole head of hair in this scene you little twat.” Luke and Aj both laughing at each other- cuties. 

“Hey!” now Tom joins, because the scene wasn't chaotic enough. “What are you calling this 6’5 muscular powerhouse a little twat for?!?!” XD i cant anymore-

“Im gonna leave again!” you do that King

[sheep running off a cliff]

[sheep landing SPECTACULARLY]

“The one who gets made fun of. *brilliant mocking of Sam follows, beautiful*” theyre such siblings your honor its wonderful

“Stupid egg!” Sam’s cackle off stage is amazing

“What do you mean they make fun of you?” AJ’s grin as he circles luke- luke you literally started the scene with “you bald fucker!” like come on, XD

“James, the lighthouse keeper. And this new *starts laughing* bitch woman that i just met!” 

“I hope you're not talking about my daughter!?!?” “Was she tall?” “Aye.” “like freakishly tall-” trying desperately to level the playing field XD help aj- 

“Aye, like me! 6’5!” Luke really enjoyed Tom’s addition didn't he lol

“Weirdly tall.” “yeah yeah yeah, weirdly tall yeah. HUGE adams apple.” oh so now theyre teaming up on tom, i see, i see- theyre such fucking siblings dude XD

*laughing at their skilled insults together*

“My mother was wonderful.” “...okay.” yeah Luke, just smile and nod, good plan, who knows what to answer to that in these situations because i sure don't

“It seems like you wanna give us some sort of backstory…” sneaky sam, sneaky sneaky…

*exits while baaaing* AJ: *no no, we cant let this go* no you come here *the finger flick he does- help* Luke: *because he is a gremlin agent of chaos* no no you come here,

Poor sam doesn't get a break from a single scene 😭 thats what he gets for trying to be a cheeky sneaky little shit tho lmaooo

“She said “go.” *makes direct eye contact* “go down the sea.” yes AJ!!! SPEAK YOUR TRUTH!!!

Sam singing quietly in the background, not sure what hes singing but its great, adds ambiance

“Anyway what’d you want?” *forgets what scene hes in* “Im having a stroke over here.” luke please help him out XD

“It was my wife.” *dramatic gasp* Sam: *obliterates the fourth wall as a sheep* what a twist

“Good thing he didn't fuck your daughter.” Sam go back to being a sheep and baaing please-

AJ’s small smile as he appreciates Sam’s joke

“I wish this sheep would run off a fucking cliff.” getting his anger out for all the jokes XD

LUke laughing- with the tongue in his cheek- ahh hes so cute

Sam just flipping Aj off and making him laugh before finally getting to leave a scene XD

“Mario come back!” Tom having drag Sam from the chair because fucks sake he just got to sit down- but nope! Hes gotta be in every scene lmaoooo

“You're gonna be here til the bitter end.” Sam’s head hang of sadness as Tom breaks the fourth wall lol

“Father, have i missed some plot details?” I fear you might've poppy. Also sam rubbing his nose as an aside to pretend seeking cocaine again, brilliant

“I saw you die that day.” “no- no” “no-” “oh gods.” they're all so disappointed its wonderful XD

“Ill use all my human bits okay?” So the inbred joke did grant some uses didn't it Sam?

“Whats wrong with your sheep?” AJ taking joy in pointing out their mistakes now lol

“We gotta finish this show in five minutes-” Sam is done lmaoooo

“Im getting madness from the lighthouse-” The way sam pauses his struggle to actually laugh at that and grabs AJ’s waist, idk why i guess he just needed to hold onto someone to keep from falling apart at the seams-

“I am a sheep. *deep inhale* I’m gonna do some cocaine.” i think that was just sam and not sheep sam… XD

Sam: *finally gets to sit down* “You are my half son-” Sam: *fuck* no- no- no -NO

“You- nothing- NOTHING!” real sam coming out again… lmaooo

“So you, you're my cousin!” Tom fully understood what was happening, he was the only one who remembered bobby’s name- he was just being a litte shit and i fully believe that- AJ’s grin reveals he knows it too- fuckng hell- and Luke’s little jump as he screams “NO!” is adorable

AJ and Tom grinning at each other like dorks while Sam loses it and Luke tries to separate them

“WILL YOU-” AJ and Tom making eye contact and nodding, because hell yeah this bit’ll get ‘em goooood “MARRY ME?!?!” 

Sam explodes, Luke finally decides to end the chaos, and Tom and AJ are thoroughly enjoying themselves

Tom’s little backrub for Sam at the end… awwww

And luke’s consoling pat as AJ just grins and Sam tries not to murder them all XD

@flamingbluepanda @snek-of-eden @dawn-speckled

Sooooo an alternate title for the video could just be “Four Best Friends Competing to Piss Each Other Off The Most” but, y'know, i like The Lighthouse too. 

Anyway this was one of the most chaotic, belly aching, cheeks hurting play of theirs i have seen up to date and i loved every minute of it. AJ was just adding more plot and plotholes, Tom’s only goal was to antagonize everyone who stepped into his line of vision, (specifically Sam), Luke was somewhat trying to follow the plot but mainly just going for insults and gremlin activities, and Sam was losing his mind. :) beautiful. 10/10. 

(also, the way that this is one of the only plays where they forget to say “and hopefully an end” is kinda ironic lmaoo)

anyway hope you enjoyed it as much as i did :)

[stillness-in-green]

Sorry if this question rubs you the wrong way, but wouldn't going out of their way to try to help villains to the absolute extreme that you propose be a bit suicidal? I feel like trying to talk no jutsu criminals like Moonfish who's a serial killing canibal, or Muscular who doesn't have any actual reason for commiting violence against others other than he enjoys it, would end up getting people hurt or worse.

Idk, maybe my perception is skewed because my country has problems with the justice system being too lenient with criminals, but then striking hard against honest folk.

Like, let's say heroes try to talk to Muscular about his feelings and stuff, and he just beats them to death. So should they arrest him and take him to jail now, or should they respond "understandable, have a nice day" and let him carry on with his rampage and try to talk no jutsu him the next day?

I’ve had enough exchanges with you, rvg, to assume you don’t mean it this way, but I gotta say, this is an incredibly fallacious way to frame the “talk to Villains” discussion.  I wrote two responses to this, first a characteristically long and rambly response which you and anyone else who’s interested are free to read below the cut.  The second response is much shorter and is here above the cut, if only for those readers who think it’s a waste of time to try and give a sincere answer to what reads like deliberate reductiveness—though again, I don’t think that’s your intent.

Here is my model version of how Heroes should engage with Villains:

Step One: Heroes should put in a basic, good faith effort to defuse and de-escalate every Villain encounter they have with the tools and knowledge they have available; the ideal result is that the Villain will choose on their own to stop presenting a danger to the public.      

Step Two: If that is not feasible for some reason, or if it is ineffective, then the Heroes should make all possible efforts to arrest the Villain with the minimal possible harm.      

Step Three: If there is an immediate threat to the lives of bystanders and there is absolutely no way the Heroes can come up with to stop the Villain non-lethally, then there should, afterwards, be an investigation into the death of the Villain and all Heroes who were involved should have to face questions about their role in the situation and their decision to use lethal force.  Measures should then be implemented to help prevent the situation from arising again in the future.  A Hero killing someone should by default be treated as a punishable failure, not a victory.

That’s it!  That’s all there is to it!  Try talking first, then try arresting, and if killing is truly the only way, be ready to explain why.  That step-by-step should be the standard, and if there are going to be deviations from it, they should be exceptionally well-justified by both the characters and the narrative.  If that’s not the standard, then I think it’s a key thing we need to see the protagonists confronting and changing.

Hero Society is obviously in the not-the-standard camp: most of the Heroes spend most of the series jumping straight to Step Two, totally skipping Step One; there are then multiple instances of Step Three being botched completely, with non-lethal tactics being discarded or ignored and lethal force being accepted without question or resistance.  By the end of the series, a tiny handful of Heroes are now hesitantly attempting what should have been their very first go-to, Step One, but their prior reliance on Steps Two and Three make the Villains much more resistant than they might have otherwise been, which reenforces the push towards lethal force in a society that will still not enforce any consequences for it.

This would all be more forgivable if not for the way BNHA positions its Heroes, as lawful defenders of the status quo in a basically modern version of Japan—i.e. they’re cops but the story either doesn’t want to saddle them with the responsibilities real cops would have or else Horikoshi has some alarming views that treat said responsibilities as bothersome administrative red tape.

Therein is my fundamental complaint: BNHA makes the choice to frame its Heroes as being basically specialized police but then disregards or attempts to minimize how that framing colors the Heroes actions’ and decisions, especially with regard to the Villains.  My thoughts on what the Heroes “should” be doing are nothing more than taking that framing (Heroes = cops) to its logical conclusion and asking the story to treat the Heroes accordingly.

Below the jump, find the longer version of this answer, which contains more picking apart of the ask’s premise, more references to the canon and to real life, and an extended discussion about the non-Hero institutions in BNHA that are in some way responsible for Villains and what Heroes’ obligations are re: those institutions.  It is, in other words, the version of this answer that’s 4000 words long instead of 500.  Reminder that it was the version of this answer that was written first, so pardon any recycled phrasing or reiterated rhetoric.

I’ll just start by re-pasting the question…

What I think is that there is a lot of air between “beating up Villains while being more concerned about the news camera catching your good side than you are about talking to the human being you’re pummeling” and “trying to talk to the Villain but just shrugging and letting them carry on if it doesn’t work”.

A perennial response Villain fans get when they talk about this is an exasperated, even outraged, “What, so you’re saying Deku should just let Shigaraki kill him or innocent people?!”  And like, no, that’s not what we’re saying at all, and it’s a really reductive, bad faith characterization of the argument.  So I want to talk first about what Villain fans are saying, and then I’ll circle back to your question about trying to talk no jutsu the really bad news Villains and what Heroes should do if that talk no jutsu fails.

First things first, and to get it out of the way, not all Villains are on the level of Muscular or Moonfish.  For the vast majority of the series, the numeric bulk of Villains are just street criminals.  It would not be a life or death struggle for Kamui Woods and Mount Lady to try and talk down a purse snatcher together.  There is so much room for positive change in how Heroes engage with street-level Villains that just gets glossed over entirely when people want to spin-kick the argument all the way to S-class threats like post-surgery Shigaraki.

Note how handily and briskly Hawks deals with the nudist flasher guy when he’s walking around town with Endeavor—he doesn’t even glance in his direction.  Would it have been so impossibly hard to use his feathers to pin the guy’s coat back together and then cheerfully ask him why he went and did a thing like that?

So just keep that in mind, first of all: for the vast majority of what a Hero does day-to-day, especially the powerful ones who are way up near the top of the rankings, there are options available to them beyond “immediately resort to extreme violence” or “give the Villain a thumbs-up and walk away, whistling to cover the sound of civilian screams.”

But okay, how about with the more dangerous Villains?  Well, the point still stands: multiple heroic characters throughout the manga show themselves to be entirely capable of carrying on a conversation—be it with the Villains or with Hero allies—while fighting.  Mirio is able to temporarily keep ShigAFO talking and distracted by simply asking him a few basic questions; he and Nighteye both are able to get at least some answers out of Overhaul(!) just by asking about his intentions. Ochaco and Toga have coherent conversation every single time they fight.  Hawks and Twice have a whole argument while fighting.  As soon as Shouto can be bothered to talk to Dabi, Dabi’s eager to spill his whole backstory to him.

Shigaraki in particular comes off as desperate to share his grievances practically every time Heroes encounter him, and that only stops being true at the very end—and even there, it might be less true if that green twit fighting him could have been arsed to just fucking ask him, “Hey, last time we fought, when we were in the same headspace, I saw an image of you crying with a dog.  What was up with that?”  Deku doesn’t have to stand there with his hands in the air while asking!  As all the examples cited demonstrate, Heroes are more than able to fight and talk at the same time.  So why don’t they try to make that talk a little more actually useful?

What I’m saying is simply that I would like it if less of that conversation were dedicated to Heroes giving moralizing sermons about how bad and unforgiveable Villains are and a lot more of it were dedicated to Heroes just asking why the Villains are doing what they’re doing, and letting the conversation go from there, fighting defensively and keeping the Villain focused on them as much as they’re capable of doing.  We see the results in the series when Heroes bother trying this—think Deku’s results with Gentle Criminal or Ochaco’s with Toga—so it’s damning that they don’t try it more often.

The likely explanation is that professional heroism as a matter of practice and culture does not tend to bother with de-escalation tactics; after all, while you’re standing there trying to talk to the bank robber, some other Hero could easily be coming in for the take-down, and then they get all the credit and glory and not least the pay.  The whole system is geared towards rewarding fast, uncompromising takedowns, ignoring the possibility of more peaceful, productive resolutions in favor of stopping the Public Disturbance as quickly as possible, because it’s more important to stop random civilians feeling inconvenienced than it is to maybe try addressing a Villain’s issues so they stand down themselves and are less likely to become hardened criminals.

Heck, even Deku really only gets anywhere with Gentle because his first instinct—shutting down the fight right away with a Smash—gets him rebounded off an air trampoline with enough force to knock him back nearly a neighborhood block.  The defensive, evasive nature of Gentle’s power means it’s difficult to hit him directly, and Gentle’s personality was such that he kept talking while Deku was figuring out how to beat him.  That talking was really what gave Deku enough insight to trigger his empathy, so he started returning the conversation in ways that he never did against e.g. Stain, AFO, or in his first fight with Muscular.  He didn’t lead by asking why Gentle was invading his school, though; he just ordered him repeatedly to stop.

Heroes and, in turn, the kids, just don’t default to trying to talk to the Villains.  We see that they can, they’re just not trained to, so it becomes a tactic of last resort, or of distraction, or, finally, as being the result of moments of connection that make them incapable of continuing to ignore the Villains’ humanity.  But when it’s a last resort like that, when they don’t bother asking questions until after the Villains have been pushed past the point of wanting to engage, everything gets so much harder and more dangerous.

Look at Shigaraki and Toga.  When Deku and Ochaco initially encounter them, the kids’ first response is basically just revulsion and terror.  And like, okay, they’re students, newly fledged Hero Course trainees.  They shouldn’t have been facing real life Villains for another two years, at least!  So it’s not surprising that they don’t know what to do and don’t react in the most empathetic manner possible.  I’m not blaming them for that.  But I do want to ask what would have happened if their classes and the Hero culture were more focused on attempting dialogue with Villains.

All Might at USJ writes Shigaraki off as a faker with no real beliefs, and Deku at the mall calls him an incomprehensible cipher, but what if either of them had instead asked Tomura why he was there and what he wanted, then asked follow-up questions from there?  How much earlier might they have found out that Shigaraki had some tragedy in his past that he blamed All Might for not saving him from?  What might finding that out early on have led them to change about how they approached Shigaraki in subsequent encounters?

If Ochaco and Tsuyu had asked Toga why she attacked people, then followed up on whatever answer Toga gave about liking blood with some questions about consent, how much sooner might they have found out that Toga spent her whole life feeling ostracized and repressed because she was convinced by the adults around her that people finding out she craved blood would make her a freak in their eyes?  How might they have engaged with her differently if they realized her parents had been verbally abusing her since she was three years old?

But we also don’t have to stop with U.A. types!  Toga went on the run at only 15—how many times did she have had close scrapes with arrest before the training camp attack?  How many other opportunities were there for someone to talk her down before she made it to the League?  Heck, even all the way to the end, if the green twit hadn’t just insisted on antagonizing Toga one last time for the road—as if he’d learned nothing at all since the mall scene!—how much more easily might Ochaco have been able to engage with her?  Maybe if Toga hadn’t set her mind to embracing Villainy because Deku functionally became yet another person calling her a freak, Ochaco could have gotten to the breakthrough point before Toga stabbed her in the gut?

I’ve been talking about the more sympathetic Villains here so far, but all this goes for the rest of them, too.  Sure, Moonfish is a cannibal serial killer now, but was he always?  Or was there a time when he was just like Toga, a teenager wrestling with quirk-driven hungers who was abused and ostracized for them?  I’ve thought, from time to time, about the idea of a League ageswap AU, where Moonfish is that scared but defiant teenager who’s been pushed over the edge and done something violent, but is not yet past saving.  Conversely, it’s all too easy for me to imagine a Toga who was never captured and never shown any compassion growing into an adult who fully embraced her vampire serial killer reputation and “deviant” hungers to become just as much an alleged monster as Canon Moonfish.

How about Muscular?  Was he always a violent sadist?  Was it impossible that he could have grown up to be anything else?  Could that taste for violence ever have found an outlet other than murder?  Could he have gotten into underground fighting, like Rappa?  Could he have become a Hero like Mirko, always hungry for a better challenge than she’s getting?  Quite frankly, even if Imasuji Gouto was a violent little bully who killed neighborhood pets as a child, he still deserved some kind of intervention—psychological counseling, medication, more acceptable outlets, etc.

How many Villains would HeroAca!Japan be spared if the people in power were more focused on intervention and rehabilitation at every stage of a Villain’s life and career?  Why do Heroes think it’s helpful or necessary to tell everyone in earshot their personal opinion about the unforgivability of their opponents?  Why is it such a problem for some readers when Villain fans point out that a lot of issues could be sidestepped entirely, and the HeroAca world considerably bettered, if the Hero Industry were less focused on showy grandstanding violence, less terrified of the optics of being anything other than maximally harsh on Villains?

That all said, that’s the nuance of what I want when I say I want more talk no jutsu.  But let’s go back to your question—what should Heroes do when they run into Villains who can’t be talked down?

Say that all the interventions and counseling programs have failed, and someone—some mother’s son, some father’s daughter—has grown up to become a Villain.  And not just any Villain, but a really dangerous one.  What do?

Well, I do still want to see Heroes try to talk first, unless they have some reason to believe talking won’t work, like knowledge that knowing that efforts in that direction have already been made and documented in previous encounters between law enforcement and the Villain in question.  There’s also some flex here based on how capable of dragging out an encounter the Heroes on-scene are, and how much danger any bystanders would be in—I would want more effort from someone who can hold their own for long periods like Deku than e.g. Manual.  But like, anyone can yell a few basic questions about motivations to see what sort of response they get.

But say our Hero is up against someone like Muscular, who just laughs off questions like that.  What to do then?

Then arrest him.

Seriously, this is not that complicated.  I’m not asking some run-of-the-mill Hero to get their arms ripped off trying to give battle therapy to Muscular!  But I do want Muscular to get therapy, or at least be offered it, once he’s no longer presenting an immediate threat and those conversations can happen in a safe environment.  And if he doesn’t accept it,[1] I still want him to be treated as humanely as reasonably possible in prison, with the therapy option always on the table if he ever wants to try it.  I also want his prison term (even if it’s for life) to not involve methods of punishment that are considered by the United Nations to constitute torture, like Tartarus’s apparent extended solitary confinement.

1: Perhaps because he would rather rip his own arms off than talk about his feelings or waste any more time getting analyzed by shrinks than he already has; pick your poison based on why and for how long you think he’s been killing people.

I truly do not have any problems, ethically speaking, with Heroes arresting dangerous Villains.  My problem has always been that Hero Society is comprehensively awful in how it treats those who don’t fit neatly into society’s little boxes.  Their social support networks are full of holes, their law enforcement is financially disincentivized from attempting de-escalation, their judicial process is completely invisible, and their prisons are concrete holes that only serve to make people worse, as we can see clearly in the case of people like poor Ending—already unstable when he was first arrested by Endeavor, but so blatantly suicidal when his sentence is up that the literal first thing he does after release is to investigate Endeavor’s personal life so as to find a way to goad Endeavor into killing him.

Now, sure, Heroes are not responsible for prison policies and practices; those are under a completely different part of the criminal justice umbrella.  Nor is it up to them to determine how e.g. financial aid programs or family services work.  But I want Heroes to be better in the ways that they—personally and professionally—can be, and I want them to be cognizant of the flaws in the system they uphold.  I want them to have some basic intellectual curiosity about the Villains they fight—why they turned out like they did, if they can be helped, and what’s going to become of them after the Hero hands them off to the police.

Like, what is All Might’s opinion on Tartarus?  He spent 30+ years fighting for the society that maintains it—does he think or care at all about the fact that some extremely damaged, abused people wind up in there after he gets done beating them up?  And if he doesn’t, what does that say about him?  What would Ochaco have done if Toga had lived and said she’d rather Ochaco kill her than let her go to prison forever?  Does Shouto think now about the family situation of every Villain he fights, or did his ability to care about “some mother’s son” begin and end with his mother’s son?

Obviously, Heroes stop Villains all the time; I’m not asking them to do deep dives into the history and treatment of each and every one.  I just want them to ask the questions they can while the Villain is in front of them, and to care about the state of both the systems that produce Villains and the ones tasked with their care.  I think that when handing people over to state custody, Heroes have a responsibility to be meaningfully confident that the state won’t abuse that custodianship.  If they aren’t—if they truly don’t give a shit about what happens to Villains once the police van door swings closed—then in my view they’re no different than any professional who shirks their duty.

So many people insist that the kids—that Heroes in general—have no duty to care about the Villains, but to me, this view comes off as wildly ignorant about the wide variety of jobs in the real world that do, in fact, confer a duty of care.

If…

…a teacher sees a child with unexplained bruises but doesn’t bother to do their due diligence as a mandatory reporter—

…a prison guard leaves a handcuffed inmate alone in a room with a fellow warden wearing brass knuckles—

…a medic doesn’t speak up when a flight attendant asks if there’s a doctor on the plane—

…a bartender just keeps on serving someone who’s obviously intoxicated and then lets them stumble out the door to the parking lot—

—then they are shirking their duty.  There is no shortage out there of examples of this sort of responsibility, one that you can be held legally responsible for, one that you choose to accept when you sign up for the job.

Heroes are not Samaritans doing the work out of the goodness of their hearts; they’re not vigilantes just trying to keep their own patch safe.  They’re government employees, crucial members of the lawful system they represent.  They have to care—not personally, not individually, but on a professional, structural level, they have to care about the people they fight because the system has to care about those people.  And if the system doesn’t care, the system has to be changed.

I'm segueing here into real life stuff, so let me note as a disclaimer that what follows is based on my cultural familiarity with American policies, as well as periodic research into that of other nations. I don't know what country you live in, rvg, so I can hardly speak to its crime-and-punishment situation. This is all a lefty American's opinion on what reading she has done about American, Japanese, and, in the case of this particular post, Scandinavian criminal justice systems.

That said: in real life, de-escalation works.  One of the things you’ll often see talked about in police reform/abolishment circles is that the police are, quite frankly, doing too much work.  Or, more specifically, they’re doing the wrong kind of work, work for which their training has not prepared them and which other groups would be far better suited to handle.

Here’s an article on offering a campus police force de-escalation training and the resulting 26-36% drop in injuries suffered by both civilians and officers; it also talks about how de-escalation tactics are used by SWAT teams but regarded with suspicion by patrol officers, with this quote being particularly telling: “[Special operations] officers were taught to use time, distance and cover to their advantage.  For patrol officers, time was viewed as 'The more time you give a suspect, the more danger you're in.'”  De-escalation is not the usual training patrol officers get, so it runs against their gut feeling, despite its proven effectiveness—compare this to BNHA’s repeated focus on speed in shutting down altercations.

Here’s an article on the results of a test run of a program in Denver, Colorado, in which police officers were completely removed from response teams to 911 calls about situations considered low risk (drug abuse, trespassing, welfare checks, etc); instead, teams of mental health specialists and paramedics were dispatched.  Reports of nonviolent crime dropped 34% over the course of the time the program ran, and the direct financial cost of the response was four times lower than sending police.

The classic dramatic image of this sort of thing is the hostage situation—and when I looked into it, numerous articles said that containment and negotiation tactics have over a 94% chance of resolving hostage crises without fatalities!

The common element in this sort of thing is refraining from showboating displays of force, loud assertions of power and authority, arguments, moralizing, threats, and so forth.  Far more effective is listening, active attempts to communicate and understand, not throwing one's weight around and not rising to aggression even when provoked.

Meanwhile, on the carceral side of things, restorative justice leads to greater satisfaction from both victims and perpetrators, more feeling that they were listened to and respected, and increased belief that justice was served.  While the evidence on its impact on recidivism is mixed, it certainly doesn’t seem to be less effective than traditional retributive justice, and may well be considerably more effective if combined with programs that focus more specifically on lessening recidivism than restorative justice alone (research is ongoing).

This article on how “cushy” Scandinavian prisons are far more effective at reducing recidivism than their much harsher, bleaker American counterparts argues that a crucial factor in reducing recidivism is minimizing the amount of resentment criminals bear towards the system.  When perpetrators can point at unjust or disproportionate punishments, cruel treatment by wardens, rejection by society, etc, it’s much easier to stew on resentment, to turn nastier themselves, to blame outside factors.  Conversely, when life inside prison is made as much like life outside prison as possible with the key difference being the crucial deprivation of freedom, that resentment is defanged, leading to more more self-reflection and willingness to accept responsibility. And again, it works: Norway is a world leader, with their recidivism rate being a mere 20% compared to the U.S.’s nearly 77%.

The studies and the evidence for this stuff is out there, it’s just fighting this huge, ugly uphill battle against people who care far, far more about inflicting punishment than they do actually improving outcomes.  And so much of that is based on cultural values—what people believe, what values they’re taught. That's where pop culture comes in.

That last article I linked above talks about the efforts made in the U.S. to turn prisons into a for-profit industry, and how demonizing criminals to encourage maximum sentences helps that effort; here’s another on how U.S. police departments rehabilitated the popular image of the police in the early part of the 1900s as bumbling fools or a corrupt gang by consulting on the writing of police procedurals, most crucially starting with Dragnet in 1951, but continuing even today.  Here’s one on a growing concern in Japan about the relationship fostered between TV studios and police when police permission and cooperation is required for filming those popular reality TV police documentary programs.

Mass media and pop culture informs this stuff.  True, Horikoshi is not having to get his work cleared by a police PR department to publish it, but you can see from the above how the police have used and do use mass media to polish up their image; they see it as an effective tool to use because it is.  And the closer to our reality a work of fiction is, the more obviously it resembles the world around us, the more it seems to purport to moral instructiveness, the more true that becomes.  That’s why I criticize BNHA much more harshly than any number of other manga or anime I follow where Good Guys Kill Bad Guys all the time and no one thinks twice about it: because those series aren’t parading the Good Guys out as Japanese citizens working with Japanese police under Japanese law to maintain the rosy image of the Japanese status quo.

I’m long past the point where I’m just rambling, so I’ll wind it down here by pointing out this: Horikoshi also thought that things in his world needed to change.  As much as I loathe BNHA’s endgame and think much of its epilogue is trite shoulder-patting pablum that fails to meaningfully address the setting’s real problems, multiple aspects of Hero Society were at least nominally challenged and subsequently changed: citizen inaction, the dominance of professional heroics as a career path, the diminishment of non-Hero careers, quirk-based discrimination.  As a direct result of the main characters’ efforts to address places where the old system was failing people, the incident rate of Villains is decreasing.

The fact that these changes are made provides in itself the evidence that they needed to be made. I think they need to go further still: my number one greivance with the epilogue is that we've seen all these changes aimed at reducing the numbers of Villains that arise in the first place, and that's nice and all, but we don't see any evidence that the Villains that do arise are treated any differently than they ever were, not even the common purse snatchers, much less the serial killers, the cannibals, and the terrorists.

So, should Heroes have to get themselves nearly killed trying to reform a Villain?  Ideally no, but that assumes a world where Heroes are working in concert with a bunch of other people who are also dedicated to preventing, reforming, or rehabilitating Villains.  If none of that other personnel infrastructure exists, then, well, to paraphrase Nedzu, someone has to take the first step.  Why shouldn’t it be the combat-trained professionals with shounen battle stamina who also happen to be the main characters?