#marvel x reader crack

[tomriddleslovergirl]

Marvel characters x oblivious!reader

Steve Rogers:

Steve and you had been getting to know each other for the past few months and were becoming good friends. Although, Steve had begun to get feelings for you that were not so friendly. He wanted more out of your guys' relationship.

He'd never been good with flirting, but decided to at least try in doing so incase he scared you off or made you uncomfortable by being too upfront.

So, while on a walk with you one winter day, Steve decided to make his move.

"Y'know, Buck once told me pretty girls always have cold hands." The cold didn't bother Steve because he was a Super-Soldier, but he assumed that it would cause some discomfort for a normal human.

You look down at your hands.

"Huh. Mine are always warm." But either way, you shoved your hands in your jacket pocket, not noticing that Steve had put out his hand for you to hold.

Peter Parker

Peter and you had been going out for a little while now, and every time he'd try to flirt with you, you'd be oblivious. So after building up some confidence (with the help of Ned), he asked you. "Can I have a kiss?"

You look at Peter in shock, wondering how he knew you had a bag of kiss in your bag. You rummage through it and hand him one.

"Here," You say, handing the small chocolate to him.

Ned held in a laugh.

"Th-thanks?" Peter said, his voice cracking with confusion and embarrassment at being rejected - even if it was done obliviously by you.

Wanda Maximoff

Wanda had tried flirting with you before and you would never quite get the hint. She had assumed there was something wrong with the way she tried to make romantic advances with you and went to the Natasha to get some pointers.

Later on, Wanda decided to use some of Nat's tips.

Wanda asked you if you wanted to bake cookies with her and invited you into the Avengers Tower kitchen.

While you both were baking and talking, Wanda would try to make her laughs sound breathy when you made a joke or would compliment you from time to time.

When she noticed you were having trouble icing one of the cookies, she stood behind you, and gently wrapped one of her hands around your hand that was holding the piping bag while you held onto the cookie.

"Here," she whispered, her hot breath hitting your ear as she helped you ice your cookie.

After Wanda was done, she placed the icing bag on the counter and looked at you, trying to see if her flirting had done the trick. But you don't notice anything out of the ordinary.

"Thanks, Wanda," you say, thinking she was just trying to be helpful.

You went to grab another cookie to ice, when she suddenly grabbed your chin. "You have something on your face," she says.

You look up at her in surprise as she swipes her thumb against your cheek. She brings her thumb to her mouth before licking the icing off.

You look up at Wanda, your brows furrowed. "That's disgusting, Wanda."

[sam24]

Metal Arm Cupid

Summary: Bucky didn't know what to expect in the 21st century. But he definitely didn't expect cute girls to barge into meeting rooms and beat people up.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader

*****

Bucky made no attempt to stifle his yawn as he pretended to listen to the debrief (that was looking more like an argument to him) that was going on way too long for his liking, earning a sharp glare from Steve, but Bucky could tell that deep down, Steve wanted to hightail outta there too.

“Stop taking all the credit, Josh. I was the one who stabbed him. You just sat there and watched like an obese cow.”

Josh (Bucky thought his name was Jack until now) scoffed. “That’s Agent 16 to you, Avery.”

“It’s actually Avril, you little-”

“Agents, you better stop this instantly.” Fury narrowed his eyes at the bickering partners.

“Stop embarrassing me in front of the Avengers, Evelyn, and let me do the talking. Clearly you can’t because of those oversized donkey teeth of yours.” Josh paid no heed to Fury.

The girl (Avril?) gasped and her hand instinctively flew to cover her mouth. “Why you-”

“Okay, that’s enough.” A dangerously calm voice rang through the room.

All eyes flew towards Natasha, you looked like she was going to murder the next person who opened their mouth.

“This is why I don’t go on missions with sensitive baby agents.” She muttered in Russian.

Bucky cracked a smile.

“How come no one listens to me?” Fury grumbled.

“Probably because you aren’t a trained assassin with 20 different weapons hidden on your body, and I bet you also don’t know 5 different ways to kill someone with an oven mitt.” Clint whispered in Fury’s ear.

“It doesn’t matter who stabbed who, it matters what happened in the end. And in the end, I was the one you saved your ungrateful asses, so you can stop arguing like toddlers now.” Natasha growled.

Her eyes narrowed specifically at Josh.

Nobody spoke. Probably because no sane person wanted a bullet from Natasha’s gun in their head.

“You seriously couldn’t have done that 20 minutes ago?”

Of course, though, Tony Stark was far from sane.

“Shut up, Tony.” At least 5 different people said at the same time.

Josh cleared his throat, recovering from his mini paralysis stroke.

“No offense, but-”

Before Josh could get himself killed, loud voices outside of the door made everyone turn.

Honestly, they all probably would’ve turned even to watch a fly so they could ignore Josh’s excuses.

“Miss, I can’t let you-”

“I really don’t care, so move. Now.”

Bruce immediately sat up. “Is that Ace?”

“Oh, thank god.” Tony let out a dramatic sigh of relief. “I’m so bored right now, maybe she’ll make this actually interesting.”

Even though Bucky’s stay at the compound started recently, he had heard plenty of stories about you, the infamous ‘Ace’. To what he’d heard, you worked at the lab with Bruce and Tony, like a daughter to them both. You were an ‘intellectual sage’ (described by Barton), hence the nickname, Ace.

“I said, MOVE!”

“Banner, what is the meaning of this?” Fury ordered.

Bruce furrowed his eyebrows and completely ignored him. “What in the world is she doing?”

“Banner!”

“I SAID MOVE, DAMNIT.” A loud thud followed closely and the door was flung open so hard it practically ripped off of its hinges.

“Lord have mercy.” Bruce buried his face into his hands as you barged into the room, pulling along a terrified looking girl behind you.

Bucky’s eyebrows raised with interest as he took in your purple highlights, Converse High-Tops, and Gravity Falls shirt peeking out from under your lab coat.

“Look, missy, in case you haven’t noticed, this is a private meeting. I’m going to give you 5 seconds to leave before I have you escorted out instantly.” Fury demanded.

“Yeah, that’s cool, Patchy the Pirate, just give me a minute.” You weren’t even looking at Fury as you scanned the room.

“Ha! Patchy the Pirate! Laura’s gonna love this!” Clint smacked his hand on the table and leaned his chair back (and almost fell backwards if Steve didn’t catch it, but that’s not the point).

Fury looked like he was seriously contemplating life as you still didn’t spare him a glance, and your narrowed hawk eyes landed on someone behind Bucky.

He followed your gaze to meet Josh, who had raised two fingers in the air cockily to greet you and the girl behind you.

“Josh, you mother fucker.”

And before Steve could say ‘language!’ (yes, Bucky had caught on pretty quickly after Tony would say it every other sentence), you had crossed the room in what felt like just two strides and socked Josh right in the jaw.

The room erupted in chaos.

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Steve was up on his feet in a millisecond, his Captain America side taking over.

“That’s it, honey! Do it again!” Tony cheered.

“Is this some kind of Midgardian greeting that I have not yet been informed of?”

“Someone tell me what the hell is going on in my own meeting!”

“That was the best thing I’ve seen in my whole life.” Avril grinned.

Natasha didn’t say anything, but her face clearly said ‘girl, me too’.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.” Sam chuckled from next to Bucky.

“Same.” Bucky muttered under his breath.

“Whoa hold up, did you just agree with me??”

“Shut up, pigeon brain.”

“Excu-”

The only thing that stopped Sam and Bucky’s cat fight was another punch to Josh’s precious face, this time right in the nose.

Bruce tried to reason with you from across the whole ass room, practically shouting over all the commotion as Steve tried to pull you away from Josh.

“Ace, sweetheart, why don’t you talk it out instead of going straight to violence? Doesn’t that sound like a better idea?”

“Sounds great, Bruce, but that’s not an option anymore!” You shouted back over your shoulder.

“Look, champ, it’s not right to randomly punch people like that!” Steve was still trying to pry you away from Josh.

“Look, Pops,” You mocked. “It’s also not right to cheat on your girlfriend with some random chick you ran into at a bar!”

Everything stopped.

Except Josh’s struggling from your grasp.

“He cheated on you?” Tony broke the silence, looking like he was going to blast Josh into outer space. “Wait, when were you guys even together? And why in the goddamn world would you date that guy?”

“Not me, dimwit, her.” You point your free hand that was not gripped on Josh’s collar at the girl behind you, looking ready to sprint out of there when all eyes landed on her.

“Just leave it, ma moitié, it’s not worth it.” She said quietly, her words coated in a thick french accent.

Bucky recognized her as the nice agent who gave him a coffee last week after Sam ‘accidentally’ knocked over Bucky’s.

“Just leave it? Absolutely not, hun!”

“Listen to her, Ace.” Bruce pleaded.

“No! This sleazy bastard cheated on my best friend! No fucking way! Literally, who the hell would cheat on a cute french girl?”

“Ace, violence isn’t the right way to-”

“Excuse me?” Josh’s voice rang out, sounding like someone was holding his nose closed shut. “Can someone get me an ice pack?”

You whipped around towards him.

“You. Want. An. Ice pack.” You restated, shooting daggers- no, 7 inch sharp kitchen knives at him.

“My nose hurts.” Josh rolled his eyes. “Y’know, after you turned all Crazy Psycho Lady on me and broke it.”

“You know what?” Your smile dripped with bitterness and sarcasm. “How about I punch it again so it’ll go numb and it won’t hurt anymore?”

You reached your arm backwards to land another punch, but Steve rushed to grab you again, and the chaos resumed.

Tony was instructing you to “kick Steve in the balls and resume beating the shit out of Josh”, while Bruce was very strongly vetoing the idea.

Sam and Clint, meanwhile, were placing bets on how much the medical bill was gonna be.

Suddenly, Bruce rushed over to Bucky.

“Look, man, you gotta help me.”

Bucky looked at Bruce with wide eyes. “Me?”

“Yeah! If you tell her to stop, she would in a heartbeat!”

“Why?” Bucky knew where this was going.

“Because of your metal arm!”

Bucky’s heart sank. Of course you were scared of it. Everyone was. They thought it made him a monster.

So did he.

Even though he was so, so grateful to Shuri for trying to help him feel like a new person with a new arm that wasn’t associated with HYDRA, that bloody ruthless murderer that they made him into never seemed to leave.

He would always be him.

No matter how hard he tried, the memories followed him like a lost puppy, attacking at night when he was trying to sleep.

No matter how hard he tried, he could never shake off the imprint HYDRA had left on him.

No matter how hard he tried or how much Steve told him otherwise, Bucky was still a monster.

A cruel, cold-hearted, evil monster who killed the innocent.

Who killed innocent men, women, and children who didn’t deserve to be killed.

He was the one who deserved to be killed.

“She’s absolutely obsessed with it!”

Bucky choked on his spit.

“Wha-w-what?”

“She adores it.” Bruce rushed. “She says it’s, and I quote, the most beautiful and extraordinary thing to ever be made in history.”

Okay, so apparently Bucky did not know where that was going.

“Still not convinced?” Bruce groaned. “She thinks it’s the most amazing thing in the galaxy. She says it’s the ‘peak of engineering’. You can ask Tony if you still don’t believe me.”

Tony wasn’t extremely fond of Bucky, and neither was Bucky of him, so he decided to take Bruce’s word for it, no matter how much it shocked him.

She likes my arm?

Just because she likes your arm doesn’t mean she likes you, idiot.

“Uh, okay? So, um, what do I do?”

“Tell her to stop!” Bruce lightly shoved Bucky forward when he slowly got up out of his seat.

Bucky hesitantly took a step forward, his mind still trying to process everything.

Bucky maneuvered around Steve, tapping you - who was still out to get it for Josh- on the shoulder after a moment of hesitation.

“Bruce, I already told you, it’s too late-” You spun out of Steve’s grip, but your mouth dropped open when you realized it was not Bruce.

You stared at Bucky with wide eyes. But not out of fear.

Out of adoration.

He was struck with a sudden flash of nostalgia of how his mom looked at him when he gave her a card for Mother’s Day when he was 6.

"Oh, Jamie, I love it.” She had said as she read it with a soft smile.

And that same smile was on your face. “Um, hi there.”

He smiled back.

But not one of those fake smiles he put on to make Steve happy. An actual genuine smile.

And it felt good.

You smoothed out your coat, taking in a breath. “Can I help you?”

Steve stared at the two of you, a grin spreading onto his face.

“I’m not surprised. Those psychos are perfect for each other.” Josh rolled his eyes.

Neither of you heard him.

“Hi, I’m Bucky.”

“She knows.” Tony groaned.

“Shut up, Tony.” Your eyes never left Bucky’s. “Hi Bucky.”

He saw your eyes light up as they made their way to look at his metal arm.

Bruce cleared his throat loudly.

“So, um, Ace. The arm has been giving me a bit of trouble recently. I was wondering if you could maybe take a look at it?” Bucky glanced at Bruce before looking back at you.

“He means now.” Bruce added.

You looked like you were going to faint out of excitement.

“Y-yeah, of course.”

Bruce let out a loud sigh of relief.

“Um, actually.” Bucky started.

Bruce’s head shot up and started mouthing something to Bucky - probably something along the lines of ‘No! Get her out of here before she kills him!’- but he was busy looking at you.

“Maybe you wanna grab a coffee first?”

[sleepycreamcola]

Peter: How can we defeat him...

Y/N: I crush his skull and throw him into space

Peter: No

Y/N: You never let me have any fun 😒

Drax: You are soft Quill! Soft like a stupid little baby! A baby that wasn’t breastfed, because it’s mother didn’t love it!

Quill: Okay-

Drax: You are a malnourished child!

[arashrita]

Listen, I have this stupid af thought. I don't even know why I thought of this 🤡🤡

Imagine Malleus and MC got married and it's their first marriage anniversary. All the guys were giving them gifts and telling them to open it. Idia was like MC will like my gift the most and then Idia gifts MC something like this—

Aka something like Hulkbuster and everybody is like 👁👄👁💀💀👌🏻😨😨😯❤️‍🔥

[louwaffles]

Y/N: So, I have this really cool idea--

Bucky: No.

Y/N: You haven’t even heard the first part.

Bucky: For the love of--

Sam: It’s a really cool idea, James--

Bucky: I swear to the god of Thunder--

Thor: Yes?

Y/N, Sam, Bucky:

[brnesblogposts]

Caught in the act || Bucky Barnes

drabble. no warnings!

Bucky Barnes x Gn!Reader

reblogs appreciated!

—

“Oh doll, I love you so much.”

“Bucky I love you too.”

“Kiss me you fool!”

“What the fuck is going on” Bucky asks as he walks in to see you holding two action figures one of him and one of himself.

You drop them as soon as you hear him and turn around quickly, cheeks flushed red.

“Nothing.” You’re hoping he’ll leave it alone.

“Nothing, huh? So you weren’t just about to make our dolls kiss?” He teased, a smirk on his lips.

“Uhh no” You shake your head vigorously.

“It sure looked like it to me ‘doll’” he took a step closer and emphasised the word doll and you couldn’t help but blush.

“Bucky-” You start speaking to explain but he cuts you off.

“Do you do this on the regular? play pretend with the action figures of us?” There’s a gleam of muscle in his eyes.

“No” Wishing the floor would open up and swallow you hole as he bored his eyes into yours.

He continued to approach in slow steps, inching towards you and you wanted to run but he’s a super soldier you couldn’t out run him if you tried.

“Hey” He was right up to you now, toe to toe. You ignored his efforts. “I said hey” He said and this time used his finger to lift your chin up to make eye contact with him, if it weren’t for his hands around your waist you probably would’ve collapsed.

“Why the dolls? You’ve got the real thing right here baby” At his smooth delivery of these words you swooned and heated up, he smirked at your reaction and ever so slowly lent down until he was mere millimetres away from your lips- “Unless you’d rather play pretend?” He asked as his gaze flickered to your lips, you shook your head and he let out a soft laugh and closed the distance kissing you deeply.

a/n a drabble of an idea i had when i couldn’t sleep the other night idk ! Also, I suck at using punctuation!

taglist- @ktgsoul @orihimi-19 @armystay89 @mostlymarvelgirl

[miela]

Stark!reader and Kord!reader getting kidnapped

Stark: *starts giggling*

Kord: what reason could you possibly be laughing at this for?

Stark: it's giving Wattpad

Kord: *trying not to laugh* nOW WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT-

[babyjackdaniels]

[bitchyycapricorn]

Well. Look at that. Anyways, I wrote this last night while I was drunk.

Peter looks at you from across the room, disgusted by ur gayness.

“Ew. How could u be gay. That’s so gross and totally wrong.” He says.

You look at him like he’s the numbest bitch in the planet. “Peter. Ur literally so stupid. Even frogs r gay.” You counter, still being gay as ever.

Peter narrows his eyes at you, “yeah well those frogs are going to like hell.”

YOu let out a loud laugh and simply counting r to stare at him. “You wanna get fucked by a gay grl.” You tease, beckoning him to come to the bathroom with you.

Peter’s eyes go very wide, but he is intrigued. Even if ur very very gay. So he stands up and goes to the bathroom with you.

You look him in the eyes and smile again. “So what u ganna do for me baby girl?” He asks, a big ass smirk when j his face.

“I’m ganna fuck u until you can’t walk” u say, pulling down his pants.

“Oh god please” peter moans, grabbing your hips and pulling you close. “I want u to tick me so hard please” he begs. Kissing your very soft juicy lips.

You let out a moan, kissing him back very passionately. “Mmm Parker” you grunt, despite not even liking men.

You finish stripping him from all his cloths, then you take off your own. “Wow Peter ur so sexy. I can’t wait to fuck your fat cock”

You push him onto the sink and slowly begin to sink onto his big ginormous fat cock. It feels so good inside you which makes you leg out a loud moan. You grip his hair tight, tugging his brow curls. “Mmmm sexy.”

You groan.

His hands grip ur hips ahead he leads ur hips up and down on his big man

Ohhhhhhh” he cries, kissing ur neck sloppily. “Gosh ur so hot baby” he cries, feeling u on his cock.

You let out another moan before hopping off his big dick, flipping him around, and bumming in his big juicy asshole.

Peter cute too, squirting all over the sink. “Ohhhh shit that felt so good” he moans.

+++

Peter found out he was probate about three months later. He couldn’t. Be more scared of having a gay bitches baby. How could he possibly have the bay of a gay Bo. Like what. Anyways, he was so very pregnant and Tony was so upset because his son is so young and so very pregnant.

But Steve thinks that it’s a miracle from the gays that he’s pregnant with your gay baby.

So Peter is told he has to has it because it’s a gay blessing from a hot sexy woman who got him prhegnage

So he keeps being very very primate u Gil it’s time to deliver. And he had the hunky ads baby and feels so proud cause he’s a mommy now.

But ur a mommy too.

Peter reali3/ he’s so gay because he’s a mommy a fan yoruens a mommy so you’re hay.

Peter is ashamed of his gay self and decides to tie. The baby to bucket because his one hand will be a better mummy them him.

The end.

+++

I’m so so so sorry. Also, if you commented on the OG 🤨 I tagged you

Taglist

@saltistic-dumbassss @t-hollanderrerr @crumpets-are-better-with-jam @clairebearfr @superficial-saturnrings @innieblogg @thetallscorpiobee @spider-biter

[writing-house-of-m]

Bend & Snap

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Crack

Warnings: A few sexually suggestive scenes, nothing graphic

Word count: 3,065

Summary: Your date night with Wanda gets interrupted in the strangest way

A/N: This was a collaborative effort between @speciallysapphic , @therunawaykind and myself for a challenge set by @vancityfire13 . I thought it was fun and wanted to share. I hope you all enjoy reading 🙂

It had been a while since you and Wanda got a chance to spend some time together. So you agreed to a quiet date night in.

Sitting in front of the TV you were nearing the end of the movie you had picked out, dirty dishes placed on the small coffee table in front of the two of you as you snuggled on the sofa. It was your turn to choose a movie this time.

You both agreed that you would take turns choosing the movies you would watch on nights like this. Wanda always opted for classic movies you hadn't seen, while you picked 'iconic' movies Wanda would have missed because of her time through the war.

The night started with taking advantage of the empty compound, spending time cooking your dinner. Music filled the air as you danced around the kitchen together between cutting up vegetables and following Wanda's instructions.

You went along as best you could but not wanting to ruin your meal, you opted to follow her around like a puppy, completing little tasks you could see needed doing.

Throughout the movie Wanda tried to keep making moves to go further than cuddling. You stopped her wandering hands each time telling her to 'watch this part, it's funny' or ‘it’s coming to a good bit'.

She always found it endearing how you wanted to share the joy of watching movies together. It was one of the things she loved about you.

Now that the credits were about to roll Wanda seized the opportunity to pounce on you. She straddled your hips and began to desperately kiss you.

When air was needed she rested her forehead against yours, inhaling then letting out a breath, "I thought the movie was never going to end."

You furrow your eyebrows as you pull your head back to ask, "You didn't like it?"

Looking at your expression she can't help but find your pout cute, "I did like it, it was funny and definitely iconic," she answers.

Your face brightens but she continues as her hands move from around your neck down your body, "I just had something else on my mind," she says, biting her bottom lip and placing her hands under your shirt.

With your lips attached again, you waste no time in lifting her slightly to lay her on her back on the sofa and get comfortable on top of her.

Before you can even think about removing her shirt you hear the loud, excited voices of a few people approaching the seating area you were in.

You recognise the voices belonging to Steve and Thor. Even though you don’t hear them you know Scott and Vision will also be present because they were assigned on the same mission.

Feeling annoyed is an understatement because you really didn't think anyone would be back today. Before you get caught like a couple of school kids, the two of you sit up, fix your hair and clothes so you are presentable for your oncoming intruders.

As they enter the vicinity Scott notices the clutter of dishes and the movie credits rolling. The other men and the android turn their attention to you too once they are made aware of your presence when he asks, “You guys had a party without us?” His face, slightly sad.

But the question adds to your annoyance because intruding was one thing but him not realising he had walked in on your date was another. “Yeah, Scott. We had a party. Just the two of us.” You smile sarcastically at the man putting his helmet down on one of the empty sofas.

When he realises your tone he squints his eyes at you, “You know, it’s not your words that hurt, it’s the way you say them,” he says as if he is wounded. You roll your eyes and sit more comfortably, wrapping an arm around your girlfriend.

The ‘wounded’ man, getting over it quickly, asks, "What were you watching?"

Wanda leans into your embrace, "Legally Blonde," she replies for you, to avoid any cynical answers.

Scott's face lights up, "Oh, I love that movie. You really couldn't have waited for us to come back?"

You roll your eyes again and are about to say something but Steve is quicker, “Yeah, a relaxing movie would be nice after the 48 hours we just had," he states, joining the conversation.

Thor gets everyone's heads turning toward him as he walks closer to where the five of you are, beer in hand, “It was a long 48 hours indeed, but we were victorious in the end,” he smiles, proudly.

It’s silent for a moment before Scott speaks again, disregarding Thor’s comment and moving his gaze to Steve, "There's nothing relaxing about Elle Woods trying to get into Harvard, defying stereotypes, getting the man of her dreams back. On top of that she deals with sexism and her self-worth."

Thor, still with a bright smile on his face, says, "Ah yes, there is nothing more important than a woman getting the education she deserves."

To which Steve chuckles along with Wanda. You notice Vision standing on the side, looking like he is trying to compute the plot of the movie.

Scott, once again disregards Thor’s comment and continues, "It has so many iconic moments; 'What? Like it's hard?',” he quotes putting his hand on his hip as he pops it out for emphasis. "And using her hair care knowledge to her advantage! Who knew the girl would get caught because she got her hair done!"

Wanda giggles at the ant man’s enthusiasm while you sit there impassively watching him, still feeling a little irritated. You can’t help but wonder if you can sneak the two of you out while Scott has the attention of the room.

Your plan is foiled when Natasha, Sam, Bucky and Tony enter, the attention moving to them momentarily as they walk closer.

It really is a party now.

Nat raises an eyebrow assessing the crowd in the area, she smirks when she sees your displeased expression. You had already spoken to her about the fact you were finally going to get some alone time with Wanda - it was clear your time was cut short.

Everyone moves their heads in the direction of Scott as he gasps loudly, "The 'Bend and Snap'!” He exclaims, “How could I forget about the 'Bend and Snap'?!"

Steve, Thor, Vision and Bucky look at him confused, as Nat looks in your direction, “Legally Blonde?” She asks so you nod your head with Wanda nodding along, thinking the question was for her.

The new patrons to the room take seats in various places, when Vision questions, “The Bend and Snap?" You hear Sam laugh at the serious demeanour Vision has.

Nat stands with her arms crossed and everyone else listens from their seats as Scott explains, it's how Elle Woods gets a man's attention. Taking a couple of steps away from the couch he shows them how it's done.

Taking out a small disc from his pocket, he cautions everyone that it is safe. But from the look on the faces no one was worried to begin with.

The group have always been in agreement that Scott was the least worrying hero, the only reason he is on the team is because enemies don’t see him as much of a threat and that gives him the advantage to blindside them.

He’s about to start explaining when you all hear a commotion coming from the direction of the hanger. A moment later you all see the members of the Guardians of the Galaxy enter.

You let out an annoyed sigh watching them stampede their way to you greeting their comrades.

The red headed spy laughs at your exasperation, you can't help but wonder why everyone has chosen today of all days to show up.

When Peter asks what’s going on, he’s shushed and told to take a seat as they all sit and stand around joining the teaching moment.

When everyone is settled down, Scott continues, “First you need an item, it can be anything at all. You drop it,” he shows the item in his hand and drops it exaggeratedly, “Oh,” he giggles putting a hand to his mouth, his voice an octave higher, “Oops,” he smiles shyly, keeping up the act.

Returning to his normal voice, “Then you bend and reach for the item, like so,” he hinges forward at the waist, simultaneously sliding his hand down his leg, explaining the movement draws attention to the length of your legs.

“The whole point is to take your time, to keep the watcher on edge,” he wiggles his eyebrows and says this is the ‘bend’ portion of the manoeuvre.

“Once you have the item in hand, you quickly,” as he grabs the metallic disc he springs up positioning either hand to the sides of his chest, framing it while arching his back. Explaining this is the ‘snap’.

There is a round of applause mixed with some laughs as Scott bows to his audience.

Thor’s mouth hangs open slightly, intrigued and can't help asking, "So… if I do this it will get the attention of a woman."

Sam and Tony laugh together, “It will definitely get some attention!” Sam exclaims.

You join in with Wanda’s laughter, unable to get over how ridiculous this all has gotten.

Thor and Peter step forward to Scott with a few questions, wanting to go through the actions with him.

“I’ll need a volunteer to show you one more time,” he looks around and sees Captain America looking hesitant to ask so he does it for him. "What about you Cap? You wanna give it a shot?"

Steve glances over to the seats and sees Bucky looking over. He smiles and blushes but says he'll try, purposely moving to angle himself right so that the Winter Soldier will get a clear view of America's ass as he 'bends'.

Scott goes through the moves step by step using the American icon as a test dummy with Bucky’s eyes never leaving his figure. When he bends forward, Scott places a hand on Steve's back to get him to bend over a little more, much to Bucky’s satisfaction.

Steve’s movements are stiff but he manages to get through it getting a pat on the back from Thor as he tries to make eye contact with Bucky when he’s standing straight again.

Everyone else is too busy conversing or watching Thor’s attempts on the side to see the hungry eyes of the Winter Soldier, making you want to throw up. All those times Bucky has called Steve ‘Captain’ coming to the forefront of your mind.

You choke on nothing when Bucky signals toward the elevator as he stands to leave, while everyone is distracted Steve follows his path.

Wanda makes sure you are okay by rubbing your back. When your coughing stops, “It’s so nice seeing everyone together, it would be better if the rest were here too,” she says, which you can't help but smile at.

These people have become her family, it was one of the first things she confided in you. As if by magic Wanda gets her wish when you feel a gush of wind fly past you. Pietro stops next to Nat and shouts across the room adding to the chaos and noise, “I told you, even with a five minute head start I’d still win!”

You turn your head, you see, Yelena, Kate, Kamala, Peter (Parker) and America enter with Bruce trailing in just after them.

Thor’s boisterous laugh has you looking at the original group that ruined your night. Scott congratulates him for getting it correct and complimenting his arms being bigger than Steve’s. Thor is beaming, "I can't wait to try this on Jane, she will be so impressed."

Vision steps past Peter (Quill), who is showing Gamora the move, speaking quietly to Scott while looking sheepish. You swear you see him blush when he makes eye contact with Pietro, not realising the action was possible for the literal machine. He stutters his question asking Scott if he could help him next.

Nat told you he had a thing for Wanda’s twin but you didn't believe it. It really was a ‘you have to see it to believe it’ kind of thing.

Vision thinks he is quiet but everyone hears the final words come out of his mouth, “I just don’t think it’s appropriate in front of my daddies.”

A sheet of quiet takes over the room that feels like it lasts forever, jaws hanging open trying to fathom what they have just heard. Sam laughs first with the rest soon following.

They realise what Vision meant so fingers are pointed at Tony, Bruce and Thor with howling laughter taking over the room.

While Tony and Bruce want to sink into the floor Thor smiles not really understanding the joke. With Vision in the same boat he looks around not really caring and looking back to Scott with quizzical eyes.

You hear Mantis whisper beside you, “How many daddies does he have?” Making you feel bile creep up your throat again.

Before Scott can answer the android, Pietro cuts in and tells him he would show him himself but in a private setting, flirtatiously.

First you had to witness Bucky and Steve’s bedroom eyes. Now this, the world really was against you today.

Nat smiles as she sees her wife walk in and make her way to her. They greet each other with a kiss and she catches Maria up with what has been going on. She scoffs at the absurdity of it all and confirms they will have dinner in a few hours.

Their attention gets turned to Sam who asks if Nat will be a judge on who can do the ‘Bend and Snap’ the best. Scott takes offence saying he was right there, wanting to be the one to do the judging.

Wanda realises you have been quiet for a bit too long, “Hey, should we continue our date in our room?” She says lowly to you.

“You don’t want to stick around a little longer while everyone is here?” You reply with your own question.

“I think this whole thing has been enough for a little while,” she laughs, making you smile.

She takes your hand as she leads you away, the loud noise of the contest being sorted getting quieter the further you walk away.

You get in the elevator and are making your way up when it comes to an abrupt stop as the building shakes.

There’s a loud sound from something followed by the alarms going off.

The muffled sounds of Scott trying to defend himself, “I thought it was a shrinking disc!” Make their way through the walls of your location.

Sighing, you ask Friday what happened, “It looks like a sofa has been supersized and crashed through several walls.”

“So, how long are we stuck here?” Wanda asks for you. The only reply you get from the automated voice is that help will be on its way as soon as possible. Wanda doesn't want to risk using her powers in case something comes crashing down on the two of you.

It doesn't take long for you to get freed. You make your way back to the seating area due to the fact the oversized sofa is partly in your room.

You can’t believe your eyes. In the fifteen minutes you spent trapped in the elevator they have managed to set up a makeshift catwalk complete with a judging table, scoring cards and everyone has an assigned number stuck to their backs.

Noticing Steve and Bucky, you realise the early leavers from before have returned to take part in this little competition too.

When you make it to Nat and Scott at the judging section they explain one of his discs hit the sofa as they were trying to move it out of the way. “We still need one more judge, unless you want to compete,” Natasha quips.

You’re about to reply saying there was no way you were going to entertain the idea of you doing the ‘bend and snap’ but Wanda answers first, “I wouldn’t mind walking down a runway for you to judge me,” she smiles at you, biting her lip.

You smirk at her, “I think I already know the score I’m going to give you,” you give her a peck on the cheek. “You still have to work for it though, I can’t have anyone thinking I have a favorite,” you lower your voice to a whisper just for her to hear.

The competition starts when Nat announces contestant number one can begin and of course it is a loud fiasco.

With music blaring, it goes exactly how you would have expected something like this to go.

America and Kamala fall over their own feet in their collaborative effort, the two Peters decide to team up (two Peters are better than one they said) and have a wardrobe malfunction when webs attach themselves to Starlords pants pulling them down, Kate pushing Yelena forward to not do anything at the end of the runway but give her sister the middle finger when she catches her sister laughing at her.

Tony even managed to get Pepper to walk down with him as she awkwardly stood to the side while he picked up his glasses from the ground. Shaking his butt in her direction just to see her blush.

Drax, thinking it was a talent show, moves as slow as possible showing he can be invisible.

What’s even crazier is that Vision completing the action snaps the wrong thing because he short circuits and gets stuck. Pietro has to take him to Tony’s lab with Tony following behind him to get the android fixed.

When Wanda inevitably wins everyone has something to say about it. “An infinite amount of points isn’t fair!” You hear a variation of this same statement from a few contestants and you only have one reply, “Maybe you should find your own judge to sleep with,” you laugh heartily at your own joke.

Even though the night didn’t go as you hoped, you still had a pretty good time.

You are especially happy with the way Wanda was smiling and enjoying herself.

[uponasoapboxb]

popping in to inform y’all that i caved and opened character ai for some giggles

i wound up creating the “Silly Goose Defense” with ai matt murdock

[sam24]

Officially Confused

Summary: Tony thought you and Steve were enemies. Apparently not.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader

*****

Tony sighed as he took yet another sip of the tea Bruce had given him.

“It’ll help Tony, I promise. Just try it.”

Bullshit, Tony snorted. No matter how many cups he drank of Bruce’s alleged ‘calming’ tea, it wasn’t working.

His sleep-deprivation, bags under his eyes, major headache, and lots of meetings and press conferences needed to be attended to didn’t immediately disappear like he was secretly hoping.

And on top of that were you and Steve.

You two were a major pain in the ass for Tony, arguing all the time, during missions and meetings.

Even though he loved drama, the constant bickering had gotten a little out of hand.

Steve’s loyalty didn’t sit well with you, and your sarcasm didn’t sit well with him.

And Tony was stuck in the middle.

The first time you two had met was when he came out of the ice and Fury introduced him to you as his best agent.

The whole enemies thing didn’t actually start until you two went off on your first mission together a little bit after Bucky’s ‘rescue’ (Tony honestly didn’t know what to call it). Suddenly, you two were throwing passive-aggressive insults at each other like there was no tomorrow. After a while, the passive went away and they were just full on aggressive comments.

At first, Tony thought it was hilarious. Until he realized it was just annoying.

Individually, Tony actually really liked you, and he tolerated Steve. But together? Tony absolutely dreaded being in a room with you two in it, because nothing good could happen from that.

You both could somehow find the littlest things to argue about, and they would turn into full fledged debates in a span of 2 minutes. Usually you won, but that’s probably because Tony always waited until you had the last say to break it up.

But then something happened.

After your mission together in Craiova (even though Tony strongly vetoed the idea of you and Steve going together) something changed.

You stopped rolling your eyes the minute he opened his mouth, and he stopped leaning over to whisper something you probably wouldn’t like in Bucky’s ear whenever Fury mentioned you during Avengers meetings.

Tony once even thought he caught Steve looking at you during an Avengers Movie Night that Clint dragged you to, and not in the ‘what the hell is she doing here’ way.

Tony was needless to say shocked, but he didn’t have the time to enjoy it while it lasted because he was busy worrying that you would pull a ‘sike, you thought’ (at least that’s what Peter always would say) on him and you both would go back to making Tony go crazy.

That was the moment when you decided to walk in, taking a handful of m&ms from Clint’s ‘secret’ jar.

You raised your eyebrow at the empty tea packets decorating the kitchen counter.

“You might wanna throw those away before Steve calls the cops on you for littering.” You joked.

Tony hummed as he finished the cup with a long sip.

“Don’t blame me, it was all Doctor Bruce’s doings.”

You chuckled, not bothering to question it as you shoved another handful of stolen candy into your mouth.

“Well then please carry on. It would be hilarious to have ‘Death by Green Tea’ written on your grave.” You called over your shoulder as you left.

“Yeah, so funny.” Tony muttered before getting up to make another cup of tea.

He didn’t know if it was because he was tired, half dead inside, stressed out, or just high on tea, but he didn’t realize until 20 minutes later that the oversized hoodie you were wearing was actually Steve’s.

*

One hour later, Tony was fanned out on the couch, officially confused.

There was no doubt the hoodie was Steve’s, considering the fact he wore it all the time (and that it was an abnormal size).

Certainly you didn’t steal it from him. Steve would’ve guarded it with his life. But even if you did manage to, he would’ve hunted it down in 0.001 seconds.

Were you guys together?

No way, Tony thought. The only logical explanation is that she bought a ginormous hoodie because she was cold, and it looks exactly like his because they have similar style.

But even Tony knew that was stupid.

And in that moment, Steve strolled into the common room (what are we in, Hogwarts?), looking oddly happy.

“Oh, hey there Tone.” Steve pulled out a salad from the fridge. “You okay?”

Tony’s eyes narrowed.

He was supposed to be okay. The two people who hated each other like just last week were exchanging hoodies, so that was good for him, right? No more arguing?

Wrong.

Tony wasn’t worried anymore. He was suspicious. (Or, ‘sus’, as Peter would say.)

He decided to put Steve to the test.

“I’m fine, just tired.”

Tony continued talking about all the work he had to do as he watched Steve clearly zone out.

Step one: See if Her Name Gets His Attention.

Tony said your name, and Steve looked up so fast Tony thought his neck would snap.

“ -made me some tea though, and that really helped.” Tony carefully watched Steve’s face as he lied with no remorse.

“That’s good.” Steve was a master at the poker face, but Tony could tell it was coming down.

Step two: Watch His Reaction to Her Praise.

“I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

Tony was expecting jealousy to step two, but he got something even better.

“Yeah, she’s pretty cool.” Steve looked down.

Tony could’ve sworn Steve was blushing.

No, he did swear. That little bastard was indeed blushing.

At this point, the rest of the steps were useless.

Steve was making it incredibly obvious.

You know that proud husband look Tony had whenever Pepper did something great that made him wanna shout ‘THAT’S MY WIFE, BITCHES’?

Yeah, that’s exactly the look Steve had on.

Steve then had a very visible realization that he was smiling like a fool and staring into space, his salad forgotten.

Steve cleared his throat and devoured the remaining of the salad as quickly as he could and practically ran out.

Tony smirked and got up from the couch - but not to make another cup of tea.

His job here was done.

Now, all he needed to do was tell the whole compound.

[wannabemurdock]

you’re in a sauna at the avengers tower, and Thor comes in with no towel on.

I had to search the mechanics of a sauna for this. I go the extra mile for these asks. This didn’t turn out as steamy (wow funny) as I intended but this was fun to write.

“ARE YOU GOOD, CHAMP?” Your voice comes out more shrill than intended but this is the last thing you expected when you decided to take some you time.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⋆✦⋆ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

You walk into the sauna, towel wrapped around you tightly as you take a seat on the wooden bench that wraps around the walls of the steamy room.

Grabbing the ladle from the bucket, you pour the water onto the hot rocks in the centre before resting back against the wall. Your back uncomfortable against the wood slats of the wall.

Beads of sweat roll down your skin, cooling you slightly as you try to enjoy your time before having to go to yet another strategic meeting. Lost in your thoughts, you don’t hear another person enter the room.

“Ah, Y/n!” A deep voice addresses you. You turn your head to see a completely bare Thor.

“ARE YOU GOOD, CHAMP?” Your voice comes out more shrill than intended but this is the last thing you expected when you decided to take some you time.

Thor’s taken aback by your tone.

“Yes I am... Pal…” He takes a seat much closer than socially accepted in this situation. You keep your eyes closed, but the image of Thor as naked as the day he was born is burnt into the back of your eyelids.

“You know that you’re supposed to wear a towel, right?” You understand that he’s used to different social norms but you can’t help but laugh at what’s just happened.

“As beautiful as you are, Thor, please put on a towel. There’s spares outside the door.” You hear him leave and come back. Assuming it’s safe, you open your eyes. Giving you a twirl, you clap for his now covered figure before he takes his original seat next to you.

You two sit there in comfortable silence, blissed out by a moment of silence compared to the normally hectic atmosphere of the tower. Thors the first to speak up.

“You think I’m beautiful?” You lean over to nudge him.

“Damn right, Pretty Boy.” You turn to see him blush at the new nickname.

[dapper-zappa]

“She’s Everything. He’s just Stark.” | Tony Stark

Pairing: Tony Stark x Wife!Reader

Summary: Let's see how would it be like if you and Tony saw the Barbie movie together, shall we?

Word count: 597

Warnings: Kinda crack fic so forgive me for that and it being short, banter, references of irl celebs bc I HC that they all exist in the MCU world, Tony being the ideal bf fr, reader can be either an Avenger or civilian up to your interpretation, pretend Endgame, Infinity War, and Civil War never happened, Barbie movie spoilers (don't be like those bfs who are secretly misogynists, y'all)

A/N: Came up with this idea when I was chatting with my friends on Discord and idc what y'all say, Tony would watch Barbie for his gal (and himself) even if ironically his actor is in Oppenheimer 😭

Also I always find the HC that RDJ and Tony coexisting in the MCU to be hilarious bc they're basically lookalikes of each other in my head BAHHAHDSHHFDF

“That was…”

“Amazing. I love how empowering this movie is.” Tony continued, turning away from the screen to face you with the cutest grin ever plastered on his face. 

“Barbie World'' by Ice Spice and Nicki Minaj blared itself inside the theater studio as the credits played on the silver screen. The lights had turned on and people were starting to leave now that the Barbie movie had finished showing, with you and Tony deciding to watch it not just because of the trend, but mostly because of how you really looked forward to that movie before it premiered. While people are leaving, you, your boyfriend, and some others still lingered inside to watch the credits.

You smiled back at him. “I know, right? I never expected a movie about a literal Barbie doll to be this deep, but man, Greta Gerwig did such a fantastic job!” 

He leaned in to give your cheek a kiss. “You know, babe, hearing Gloria’s monologue about women’s struggles made me even more proud of you for being a really strong woman.” he pecked your other cheek. “You’re always there for me and your loved ones, you’re never shy of fighting for your own goodness, and last but not least, being the best wife ever.” 

“Thanks, Tones.” you replied.

“You’re welcome, because I think this is the best movie experience I ever had with my girl. Me watching one of the best movies of this year with my best girl? Yes please!” he exclaimed cheerfully.

Tony Stark might be one of the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, but he’s deep down just a loving man who loved his wife and cared for his friends. He had his own needs and interests, not just him being Iron Man plastered on murals or a kid’s bedroom poster. You, on the other hand, were a woman he admired so much for being an iron-willed woman who dedicated your life to make everyone feel better. After years of dating him, he finally proposed, with the two of you finally tying the knot some time later. 

“Honey?” you asked. 

“What’s up, Mrs. Stark?” 

“I think I know someone who should definitely play another Ken if there’s a sequel.” 

Tony tilted his head and slightly squinted his eyes in suspicion. “Who is it, hmm? You want Steve Rogers to be a Ken? Oh please, you know who’s the better choice.” he smirked playfully. 

“Robert Downey Jr.” you joked. 

“What? Out of everyone in this entire world, you chose someone who looks a lot like me instead of the actual me? The actual Tony Stark? How could you, baby?” he exclaimed, putting his hand on his chest in pretend shock. “Are you saying that you’re taking the ‘She’s everything, he’s just Ken’ thing seriously?” 

A lighthearted laughter escaped your mouth at the sight of your husband’s reaction. “Tony, I’m kidding, okay? Besides, why would I disrespect the man who’s literally boyfriend and husband material? These matching shirts aren’t supposed to be taken seriously! If anything, you’re way better than Ken, baby.” you gestured to the matching t-shirts you both wore. 

On your shirt, it said “She’s everything.” while Tony’s matching one said “He’s just Stark”. It was custom made thanks to the slogan being different and Tony wanted the name to be Stark instead of Ken, much to your dismay but nevertheless you thought he looked great in it. 

“Now that’s the Y/N I know and love.” 

You stood up from your seat and offered your hand to him. “Absolutely. Now let’s go, we have dinner waiting for us.” 

[louwaffles]

Y/N: Babe?

Bucky, soft yet quiet:

Y/N: James, honey?

Bucky: Hmm?

Y/N: Can I get off your lap? I’m not mad, but you knocked Sam out and I need to check if he’s still alive. 

Sam, unresponsive and laying in a small pool of blood after poking fun at Bucky being soft: 

[clarks-letterman]

aftermath | steve rogers x spidey!male!reader

a/n — this is crackfic, take nothing in this fic seriously as per usual with my smut- (also, yeah, the reader is Spider-Man. thank @denim-devil for this..)

summary — Reader shows up long after Steve's birthday party ended and is determined to make it up to him.

warnings — SMUT! 18+ Rimming (reader receiving)

words — 2k

~~~

The soft hum of a vent in the ceiling rustled the flaxen hair of the super-soldier sitting beneath it. Slumped in one of the black dining chairs, the ventilation susurrated his perceptive ear as he thumbed over one of his newest gifts. No light perforated the windows off to his side apart from the occasional firework from miles away, the moon sitting high and shining a pale glow that rivaled the square tiles of fluorescent lighting embued overhead. They created a streaking glare over the tightly melded cellophane covering Steve's new watch that was easy to pull away, leaving him with a cheap recreation of himself in silicone.

It was meant to be a joke told on Tony's behalf, giving it to him as the final gift after the party had started heading out that he had teased for weeks leading up to today. Steve was a bit confused when he saw the red, white, and blue-striped wristband, followed by a cartoony caricature of the man out of time, represented by the fact that his mouth was open wide with a small LED panel matching the likes of a calculator keeping track of the time. While Steve did not get the joke at first, he instantly understood the technology. He was grateful to receive a coherent device rather than some complex machinery with knobs and buttons that would perplex him for weeks until he would eventually cave in and ask you for help with it after accepting his own defeat. Sure, it ruined Tony's joke, but it felt from his time like the whole day had.

Thanks to the other male, Steve had gotten to spend the day in an olden times party themed around the decade that he went into the ice. The kitchen and dining area had been left untouched, but everyone on the team tried dressing up in an appropriate outfit for the decade and even attempted to bake a cake with an authentic recipe from then—a rich and moist raspberry cake with a bulky layer of thick cream cheese frosting coating the sponge. They were lucky that the requirements for a cake have stayed roughly the same for over a century. The bash got wild as Tony drunkenly invited as many people as he knew, leaving the kitchen a mess. In the end, the party went off without a hitch, and the only thing that could have made his day better was you.

Down the hall, distanced from the scattered confetti and half-hung streamers, came the repeated strike of rubber against shiny linoleum flooring. Steve heard the rushed footsteps grow closer until they came to a halt in the same room as him, and his bowed head scanned the floor until reaching your feet, following up the set of spandex-clad feet to the rest of your body, favorably outlined by your suit.

"Did I miss it?" Your voice came out with a huff as you glanced around the room, seeing the various party decorations and litter coating the floor, complete with knocked-down high-rise chairs and a few booze-stained spots on the furniture. However bad this got, you knew you had missed all of it, "Shit. I'm sorry, Steve."

He sat up, placed the gag gift on the dining table, got up, and reached down to a cabinet under the sink. He spoke as he fetched them, "It's alright. Since you're here now, we could clean this mess up together before everyone gets back." Steve returned with two trash bags, and you instinctually shot a string of silk out to one of them before reeling it across the room.

"Where did they go off to?" You asked, reaching down to pick up the disposable cups that contrasted the party's original theme of an older time with a touch of something modern.

"A club that Tony has VIP access to," Steve answered, doing the same on the opposite side of the kitchen, "I know you probably don't want to be doing this after your long day."

You continued to pick up the scattered litter, “Well, we met cleaning up the scum of New York, so cleaning up trash is just like that. But one sounds so much lamer.”

A few moments went by before you realized that you could easily pull things from the ground into the bag with a quick thwip as you were still wearing your suit. You thought about walking straight to bed and letting Steve pick up the trash on the floor, but you had already missed his special day, and he didn't deserve to be stuck cleaning up everyone else's mess.

“I can change out of my suit after this, and we can head out for dinner or something else? I’m sure something’s still open, and they can sing those stupid songs about it being your birthday. Are you gonna tell them you’re one-hundred and four or thirty-six?” You offered, “I want to make it up to you, Steve.”

Steve tied the knot on the ends of his trash bag, tossing it against the wall and retrieving a second bag, “Knowing that you were saving everyone else is how you make it up to me. Besides, the only saving I needed was from Tony’s party by the end of it.”

You let out a low and knowing chuckle, “Let me guess it turned into another birthday rager, Rogers?”

“Yeah, I convinced him to clear it out before it got too crazy. Glad he took everyone else with him.”

“So, you were waiting for me?” Steve stayed silent, and the silence ushered you closer to him. You moved into picking up stuff in the area he was working on—the junk covering the wide kitchen island and the surrounding countertops. The dark counters bordering the island were the remnants of the ingredients used to make Steve's timely cake, one of which was a hefty piping bag still half-filled with icing. You took it with one hand. Surprisingly, it can't be much bigger than Steve himself when he hasn't seen you all week.

Regardless, the guilt gnawed at you as Steve stayed silent, his eyes burning you from behind as he watched you, “I’m sorry, Steve.”

“Why do you keep saying that? You were saving the world,” He opposed.

You turn, still holding the bag of icing, “Because I am, and if I can’t separate hero stuff from you and me, then where does that leave us?”

“Hand me that icing?”

“What?“

“And get on the island, all fours.”

You follow through with what he says, passing him the piping bag and hopping up onto the surface of the kitchen island with your hands and knees propping you up, and the next thing you know, a large hand pulls the lower half of your suit down, exposing your backside to the chilled air inside the compound.

“Steve, what are you—,“ He cut you off before you could protest his actions.

“I think you’re right about what you said. We met on the battlefield, so we can’t be us without embracing the hero stuff and its downsides. Now, I don’t usually proposition myself as a—,“ Steve pauses for a moment before choking out the words, “—bussy lover, am I using that right?”

“Yeah, you are, old man.”

“Then this ass belongs on the field as much does to be loved,” Steve confessed, gripping the bag firmly in one hand, careful not to let any spill out from the top and angle it to your ass. His hand tensed, squeezing his digits into the pudgy cream encased in plastic film. The pressure forced the solid-colored cream to puff out at the pointed tip.

Steve doled out the thick icing along the line of your crack, funneling a hefty stripe of it from your puckered hole to your lower back. With one broad stroke of his tongue, Steve lapped it all up in one go without interruption. It added a world of sweetness to what was otherwise flavorless eye candy for him to admire, and brief notes of tangy wonders reminded him of the perfect peach in front of him.

As for you, your arms went limp after the initial shock of a feeling sending more shivers through you than the air against your exposed skin after a long day in the summer sun. Steve wasted no time cleaning up his purposeful mess with an impressive singular stroke that was teasing and warm. That was just from one taste, and yet you both wanted more. With a single hand, a slow arch came to form as Steve slid his hand down the scarped ramp that was the small of your back, using his newfound hold to bring you closer to him. Your ass was on full display as your knees were hidden, tucked into your lower middle, while your hole revealed itself from your assumed position.

A soft press to the flimsy plastic on Steve's behalf sent another, much smaller, dollop of frosting to fall over your waiting pucker. The feeling of a soft and wet press to your opening elicited a cry from the other end, but Steve only sat there for a moment. You thought he would lave over your crack with a broad stroke of his tongue like he had done before to savor the taste of what was offered to him, but he deferred himself from the idea. Steve kept the tip of his tongue prodding at a dab of icing layering your hole, his nose ghosting along the trail leading to your tailbone until he pressed further.

Steve used his pointed tongue to dive into your warmth, building pressure inside from his wide tongue as another strain came from the crotch of your suit. You caved to the urge to work against the strongest—and most pleasing muscle—Steve had received throughout his ancient history, pressing back until you felt his lips against your rim. His tongue reached deeper, exploring new places and taking the creamy frosting with it.

It didn't take long for Steve to start moving, bobbing his head and reeling his tongue back and forth. And it took even less for his hand to abandon the remaining icing and glide his hand amid the space between your heat-radiating erection and the chilled counter surface below, creating friction with his hand that stimulated your lycra-clad cock. The two of them working in tandem poured noises out of you that didn't reflect the tune of a happy birthday but were a new song, complete with high cries and low begs for Steve to drive you to climax.

Soon, Steve's lips started to do with your hole what his broad muscle of receptors couldn't. He kissed at your sensitive nerve-endings, catching whiffs of the sweet cream while his tongue was as deep as he could push it, stretching those same nerves out with the reach of it. That was it. That was your breaking point. It was in those final moments that you had fireworks bursting in your mind as your suit became a mess of its own, white spurts pooling with each movement of Steve's mandible.

His absence was noticeable as he pulled away from your rear, giving a few laps to the bits of frosting on your cheeks to add additional instigation to your slowly fizzling high. Almost as if it were the scattered remains of powder drifting down from a deflagrated uproar.

You turned, flipping on your back to the dark granite as you laid flat against it, "I forgot to say happy birthday to you."

Steve let out a low chuckle as a sign that everything was okay again, "It really was a happy birthday to me."