#me: im going to write a distressing amount of Things

[kylejsugarman]

I was watching the commentary of One Minute earlier and it got me thinking of the recurrent orbital injuries Jesse sustains over the series. Between the smashing his face into a rock in the pilot and Hank assaulting him, his left eye socket alone has been at the very least fractured twice. Not to mention the right side getting injured when [REDACTED] in Ozymandias. I’m genuinely surprised he didn’t have to have it surgically repaired. Goodness that’s not to mention the head trauma and multiple concussions he sustained.

Do you think his vision will be effected long term? Would he even have had time to notice a change in his vision with how crazy his life was until he got to safety? I can imagine migraines and seizures being issue. I just wish someone would whisk this fella away to a neurologist (And a good one! I’ve seen my share of bad ones🙃) ASAP.

Again I’m sorry for opening Pandora’s box trunk, but this is fresh on my mind and it is just rattling around in my brain and I had to consult someone else or my mind would explode.

(officer who is in retirement being called back in for one more big case voice) goddamn. im getting too old for this shit.

specifically regarding the orbital injuries, ur absolutely right that after getting his left socket likely fractured twice, he might need surgical repair. most repairs of orbital fractures are relatively simple, especially if they're rim fractures like i suspect his are in these cases (he probably could've gotten it done quickly in the hospital after the hank beating), but even with surgery and after that injury to the right socket as well, there's a high chance of him developing double vision. orbital fractures aren't necessarily correlated with vision problems (unless of course we're talking about a fracture that involves direct injury to the eyeball as well), but in tandem with the head injuries, the chance of double/blurred vision is pretty high and problems with eye-tracking and peripheral vision are likely. also i suffered an orbital fracture back in august after falling during a seizure and they hurty :(

knowing jesse, he probably wouldn't even notice a change in his vision (jesse strikes me as the kind of person who would go thru life like "damn. crazy how everything's blurry all the time huh" as an adult and everyone around him would be like. oh god have u ever had an eye exam??) and if he did, it'd be at the bottom of the list of Issues (diplopia can be transient too and its not exactly easy to treat when its the result of this much trauma). but u all absolutely KNOW how i feel about getting jesse to the nearest quality neurologist as soon as he sets foot in alaska. even divorced from my au, seizures are going to be a HUGE possibility from all that head trauma/concussion injury + yo-yoing blood sugar. add exposure to chemicals and starvation to the head injuries, and symptoms like migraines, limb weakness/tingling, and memory loss are basically guaranteed.

when u compound severe physical and neurological distress with the psychological distress of surviving Literal Hell On Earth and Losing Everyone u Love, it's actually. really, really hard to picture his early time in alaska as anything but scary and painful and miserable :( like yeah he has this freedom and he's "Safe", but being alone and living in a body and mind that have been legitimately torn to shreds and are almost beyond his own recognition is somehow worse than captivity. i mean, jesse's young and isn't exactly up to snuff on like biology and physiology, he doesn't KNOW all the things that are "wrong" with him (a lot of which can be fixed or alleviated!!) and so its scary to have all this pain and these symptoms along with the debilitating psychological scars. thats why its SO important that he see a neurologist ASAP after getting to safety: he Needs someone, someone who is caring and wise and has no reason to distrust or hurt him, to look objectively at his problems and put names to them and tell him how they can be treated. like jesse is absolutely going to live with chronic pain and certain symptoms for the rest of his life, but to have Names for these things and Ways to cope with them.....to See them from a more objective standpoint, not as curses and suffering he deserves to continue serving out his "sentence" but as pieces of baggage that are not inherently good or evil.....like that's going to at least open the door for him to start seeking other forms of treatment and accepting help instead of suffering alone with his pain as some kind of self-laceration or some desperate, misguided attempt to isolate his pain to avoid it Contaminating anyone else

[s0ulryo]

König with a Medic S/O Scenario *:･ﾟ

[König x Reader] Synopsis: König getting patched up by his favorite medic —you. Tags: Soft, konig lovers we rise, established relationship (i forget to put this tag on a ton of things whoops), mentions of distress (?) Notes: Prolly ooc, not proofread, his voice is so mmmmm, also my brain blanked so many times while writing this so im vv sorry for the wonky formatting

Thank you @uselsshuman for letting me write about this!

(Reader is always gn unless specified otherwise.)

König dislikes a lot of things. He wouldn’t say he hates anything but the list of dislikes has grown over the years. For example, König dislikes crowded places, the smell of cigarettes, getting injured, having to go to a medic to treat his injury, having to see you — who is a medic to treat his injury, having to get chewed out by you for obtaining an injury — you get the point.

So here he sits, listening to you freak out about the injury he obtained while being deployed. He knows you don’t mean any harm by it; you’re just concerned for his safety — König appreciates it, he really does — but he’s also a little stressed out by your current commentary.

“Oh my God — König, how the hell did you manage to do this?”

He honestly doesn’t think it’s that bad; sure, the wound looks terrible — but it doesn’t feel too horrible, so it can’t be too bad, right?

Wrong.

“König, are you listening to me? König, are you alright?”

König’s very thankful for you. He thinks you’re awfully nice and very understanding about his feelings, and in all honesty, he’s not sure how he managed to get with someone like you, but he’s not going to question it — he’s just going to enjoy it.

“Sorry, could you repeat what you just said?” König mumbles out sheepishly.

He can’t help it. You’re exceptionally attractive, and König now realizes his arm is in an exceptional amount of pain — and bleeding tremendously. ‘Things like attractive S/O and immense amounts of pain due to physical injury usually make it difficult to focus,’ he reasons to himself.

Sighing, you shake your head. “König, please try to avoid getting injured — this is the second time this week….”

Nodding softly in acknowledgment, König continues to watch you gather the supplies you need to patch his arm up; his eyes flicker around in discomfort, bouncing his leg up and down to keep his mind occupied. Sure he’s sustained worse injuries than this, but getting patched up has always made him anxious.

Swallowing thickly, König tries to place himself out of this situation – somewhere nicer than your medical workspace that smells like antiseptic – anywhere else than here.

He watches you set to work, his eyes closely following the movement of your hands on his arm, cleaning the wound gently, trying to make the process quicker and easier on him.

He’s vaguely aware that his breathing got heavier or how he’s feeling light headed, heart in his throat – vaguely aware that you’re calling his name.

“…ig” “…önig”

He can see you talking, but he can’t hear you very well; bouncing his leg more rapidly, he tries to say anything to tell you how he feels, but he can’t get any words out.

“..ey…hey big guy – look, I’m here, you’re alright – okay?” You try to get him to focus on you, not necessarily your words but just on you.

"Try to take a big breath, big guy – yeah, just like that – breathe in, breathe out…You're doing great König.”

Following your instructions König (tries) to take a deep breath in and out, focusing on what you smell like and your voice. König feels a little stupid, he’s gotten shot – almost killed before, but he can’t take a little doctor's visit? So yeah, it's definitely a critical hit on his ego; he’s just glad it’s you with him.

After calming down a bit König bites the inside of his cheek, diverting his eyes to the door to the far left of the room. He considers bolting out of your office – he won’t have to get patched up, and he won't have to face you, so it’s a win-win situation—

“König dear, don’t try to run out of the room,” you tell him firmly, more so for you than for him – if he decides to make a hasty exit, you conclude that you would not be able to catch the injured man.

“…Am I that obvious [Name]?”

“Yes, dear…You are pretty obvious.”

The silence in the room was deafening, not super awkward – just a bit tense.

König sighs, visibly deflating in his chair; he mutters an apology, watching your figure look in the bottom drawer of your desk. He feels like he’s back in primary school when kids would make fun of him, leaving him all embarrassed.

Well, in this situation, he feels more ashamed than embarrassed.

He continues to watch you shuffle through the drawer until you find what you were looking for – suddenly, you turn to him, smiling triumphantly, motioning for him to stick out his hand to take what you were holding.

“What is it [Name]?” König asks, reaching out for the unknown object in your hand.

Upon further examination, König realizes the object is made of solid metal and cylindrical – resembling a car transmission.

“It’s a fidget toy! I like that one personally because I like the feeling of the transmission shifting gears – but I have some other ones if you would like.”

König stares at you dumbfounded. Diverting his eyes to the small toy in his hand, he starts to mess with it.

“König, I’m going to continue patching you up, alright? Please let me know if you need anything….”

Nodding, he continues to mess with the toy in his hand, gnawing at his bottom lip to suppress a smile.

König, a man that stands at six foot ten inches, just received a fidget toy from his medic S/O – how could he not smile?

“König, I’m done cleaning the wound, but you’ll need some stitches, alright? I’ll try to make this as quick as possible.”

König continues to watch you work while shifting the fidget toy from first gear to sixth gear, grateful for the newfound distraction from the distressing environment he’s currently in. He’s also immensely thankful that you are walking him through everything you do – even though he’s not entirely listening.

“Finished! All patched up, big guy – how are you feeling?” You say, tying off the final stitch on König’s arm.

“Better – I feel better,” König says, fumbling with his words, speaking with such haste, appearing as if you caught him off guard.

“Great, I’ll write down the care instructions for your stitches, so you don’t forget – come back here in two-ish weeks to remove the stitches, alright?

Standing up, he shyly extends his hand out to you, offering to return the toy you graciously lent him.

“Oh, you can keep that big guy – you seem to like it…So you can have it.”

König stares at you dumbfounded again, shifting his gaze from you to the small toy in his hand, back to you.

“…You sure?” König asks you quietly.

“Positive.” You respond, pushing his extended hand back towards him. “I want you to have it.”

König thinks he’s going to combust.

His awfully nice, exceptionally attractive S/O just watched him break down, patched him up, and gave him a gift. He’s not sure what he has ever done to be treated with such care, but if he thinks about it any longer, he might start to cry.

Bending down, he mutters a ‘thank you’ into your neck, tightly wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

“König..?” He hears you say softly, “Can we stay like this for a while..?”

Humming in approval, he pulls you closer to him, slightly swaying side to side, putting more of his weight on your body to keep you in place.

You don’t know what injuries König will acquire the next time he’s deployed, but for now, your mind is here – at this moment, with König holding you in his embrace and the steady beating of his heart proving that he’s alive and that he loves you.

[why-am-i-here-someone-save-me]

@reinbouxsworld I DID THE THING! THE THING I ASKED ABOUT! I DID IT! WHOOOOO!!! HOLY SHIT THAT TOOK A LONG TIME IM GONNA GO PASS OUT NOW (also plz tell me what you think about it because i genuinely really really want to know 🥺)

also this is like literally my first time writing for the twst fandom so like have mercy with me y’all-

@chiaraghia You introduced me to this game and I blame you entirely for this new hyperfixation 😤 thank you bby

This fic is inspired by this glorious post by the amazing @reinbouxsworld

Of Darkness & Dreams

You struggled to keep yourself steady, adrenaline threatening to expose your uneasiness at your situation. Considering who was in front of you, that would most certainly be a bad move. It was almost surreal. You’d never been afraid of him before, but now…

Now you were beginning to understand why his reputation was so intimidating. Now you were starting to grasp why so many people were nervous about him.

“Malleus I-” Your words were cut off by the fae holding a finger to your lips, an indecipherable expression in his eyes. You were… honestly not sure how to feel about this.

On one hand this was Malleus, your friend, arguably your best friend! You cared about him deeply, and well… You had assumed he cared for you as well.

This pressure though… This was nothing like the Malleus you knew. This was new. This was different. This was… frightening.

This wasn’t Malleus, your best friend.

This wasn’t Malleus who would excitedly talk about gargoyles with you.

This wasn’t the Malleus that you had fallen for.

This was Malleus Draconia.

This was the Thorn Prince.

“You’re shivering… Are you cold [Name]?” He wasn’t wrong, you were indeed shivering. Not of chilliness, but rather of fright. You were afraid of the person in front of you. You were afraid but yet… You still loved him. As frightening as he is at the moment, you loved him. You loved Malleus.

“No, that’s not it is it..?” The fae’s eyes widened slightly in realization. “You are afraid… [Name] you aren’t… Y-You aren’t afraid of me, right?” If you weren’t as close to him as you are, you wouldn’t have noticed the way that Malleus’ voice trembled. He looked as though you’d just told him you hated him, hurt and betrayal swirling in his green eyes. You wanted to reassure him that you loved him, that you cared about him deeply, even if you were a little bit on edge at the moment. You swallowed thickly and opened your mouth to deny the fact that you were scared, but the words died in your throat as you locked gazes with him. His expression sharpened slightly, and when he next spoke, his words were steely, harsher than any words you’d ever heard from Malleus before.

“[Name]. Answer me. Do you fear me?”

It wasn’t a question. It was a demand. It was an order.

You found the words pouring out from your lips without your input, complying with the fae’s instruction without any regard to your own volitions. “…I am afraid Malleus. You are frightening me. I don’t want to be afraid of you. I care for you, b-but I’m afraid. I-I’m sorry…”

Malleus looked as though you had just stabbed him through his heart, betrayal readily apparent in his features. He turned away from you, releasing you from his arms. Instinctively you reached out for him, trying to comfort him, but you froze when the fae practically snarled at you. “Don’t.” You flinched back, your body ignoring your orders to hug the distressed fae. You stood there trembling, unsure how to rectify the situation.

“……I thought you were different than the others [Name]. You treated me like… like a normal person. You accepted me as I was and I trusted you! I trusted you! I trusted you and I loved you!!!”

You’d never heard him so furious. But almost as quickly as it came Malleus’ fury fizzled out, his fit of rage seemingly having passed.

The amount of pressure in the air told you otherwise.

“…No. No I refuse to accept this… Am I not good enough for you [Name]? Is that it?”

You blinked a few times in shock. Good enough? Malleus? Was he joking? No, no he wouldn’t be this erratic if it were a joke. “Not good enough? Malleus that’s… That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard-” He cut you off before you could finish. “You aren’t denying it. So that’s it then, isn’t it?”

Before you could retort you register a soft sound, which seemed deafening due to the previous silence.

plip.

plip.

plip.

plip plip.

plip plip.

plip plip plip.

A bitter, acrid smell suddenly reached you, causing your eyes to water. It was one you were far more familiar with than you’d have liked. You instinctively stumbled back a bit, knowing what was happening yet unable to prevent it from unfolding. Your stomach twisted uneasily, queasy at the memories associated with the all to familiar stench. You already knew what it was.

Blot.

“M-Malleus wait c-calm down please, d-don’t let go of yourself. F-Focus Malleus focus! Y-You’ve got to calm down, p-please calm down-” Your words were interrupted by a small gasp of surprise, as in the blink of an eye Malleus had turned to face you once again, tilting your face towards him with a gentle touch. You shuddered involuntarily.

Malleus’ beautiful green eyes were locked onto you, yet seemed unfocused despite the intensity of his gaze. Just as you had dreaded, an oily black color was bleeding down your dearest friend’s face, staining it with the same pitch black darkness that you’d seen so many of your other friends succumb to. Already it was dripping to the floor, the stench so potent it left your head spinning.

“M-Malleus y-you-” Once more he held a finger to your lips, quieting your protests. The vacant look in his eyes was gone, leaving in its place the presence of wistfulness and longing in its place. “Shhh… No need for words right now my dearest Child of Man. There will be a time for that later.”

The fae cradled your face in his hands, lime green eyes literally glowing with both emotion and magic. “For now my love-” A flicker of brilliant green fire danced in front of your eyes, stealing your attention. You wanted to look away, you knew you needed to look away, yet you couldn’t tear your eyes from the flame’s emerald light.

“-Here, a gift from me…”

The fire vanished, freeing you from the trance it had placed you in. Confusion filled you, only to give way to realization moments later, and turned to despair seconds after.

You felt sleepy.

You shouldn’t be, you’re terrified right now, adrenaline should be keeping you alert and wide awake. You know its Malleus. You know he’s behind this. But the dullness that was washing over your senses didn’t abide by your logic, and the exhaustion that had begun to dawn on your body cared little for your rationale. Your eyelids began to droop, even as you mumbled words of protest.

“…N-No Malleus p-please… I d-don’t wa-want to… sl-sleep… st-stop pl-please st-stop…”

The prince merely chuckled a small bit in response to your drowsy pleas, smiling down at you as you began to fall into his arms, to exhausted to hold yourself up any longer.

“There is no need to be afraid.”

The world around you began to grow dark and blurry, sounds fading in and out and colors spinning and swirling together like an artist mixing a new hue.

“A thousand years will feel like a dream; And I will give you a real happy ending…”

Your eyes finally closed as you succumbed to the spell, breathing slowing down as the thorny tendrils of cursed sleep ensnared your psyche.

“Sleep well my love…”

[madfantasy]

Dear blogging

Wish you peace, always. Considering all, it been extra rough. My guardians were sick, and my fragile of a stability was about to break— but it okay now, and the pendulum of consciousness returned swaying in my head.

Somehow in the middle of everything, I was starting to feel okay and accept that this is the best it can get for this non verbal Mani. I honestly I stopped living as if there was tomorrow maybe the majority of 2023, zero drive or hopefulness, and lately started to accept that there's no denying that I'm not made to survive this life, and dropped all pretence that I'm able, set a 5 years counter. Because if mere looking at people's faces distress me so much that I blank out &/or go mute, since childhood, no amount of me forcing myself to watch videos/ pictures over and over can fix that. That's simply how I'm made and I know that now, and in a way it's bringing me peace.

Because I thought I'm bratting when I wore my headphones to cancel out noise that were literally going to drive me insane, or when I couldn't respond to messages knowing that I can articulate deeply in writing but ignoring all the endless times when I simply couldn't, and have forced myself to eat many things that set me days in nausea and abdominal pain while I only enjoy liquids more and get high off of fruits, I love them so much half my OCs are named after some.. and drew.. drew even before I spoke because it was my only outlit to express because how much I'm told I'm like a robot, I'm so expressionless and non reactive and disgustingly literal, even when they actively beat me black Nd blue to stop drawing, I couldn't.. where do you free those emotions when U can, i needed emotion displays and heartfelt trimmers, thrilling or killing, I needed to do them as if my life depended on it, and I haven't realised it back then, but my life was dependent on them, even when I had 'no talent ' , as I have always been told.

(commissioned by precious Julia ♥️🖤)

And besides drawing my needs, I actually, physically, started to feel better when I didn't do what my body said it literally can't do, all my life:

-Walked away from my guardians arguments, my chest stabbing pains became less frequent.

Stopped "practicing" my voice &/or facial expressions, I talk for 2 minutes, immediately my whole face muscles hurt, voice is cracking and gone, I don't feel like my eyebrows hurt as much. I'm okay being the monotone no expresso train c:

-stopped eating what I "don't like" (I mean it's not like I have much choice, but stopped feeling guilty over refusing it cuz food be tight) Nd now I can actually drink more water, and my tummy aches are on lower levels now

-i stopped dealing with Discord, or group chats in general cuz I don't expect accommodation over things I can't deal with. Stopped stressing over doing engaging material that no body seems to care about, cuz I'm not a good judge of demand, or stressing over either I should be thanking everyone who spams me with likes or not, (while I appreciate it to the moon) 90% of the time they don't respond Nd Im forced to think like I've done something wrong. I'm now at more ease with posting — (literally I have to fight the urges to delete my socials daily) just with interacting with who addresses me (I lov U guys sm) and I've been more relaxed from it.

I returned to "speaking in riddles" cuz if I don't use the words my brain spews no matter how weird they R, a tire will pop somewhere on the other side of an AU- idk lo'

-i rock, hum and laugh OUT my maniacal laugh, hard and strong, continued loving and talking to my plushies as I used to do, the easiest thing I could do to feel calmer again. As everyone should do

.. I stopped saying the word sorry. It's a naughty Mani era.

Accepting these facts and many, even with having no will to live had me saner than I ever been, at least I hope so.

I just know that I have a few to be grateful of: that I'm still here somehow, even with my dwindling income, Nd my internet not worth costing 120$± I'm always grateful for the sudden one or two commissions that keeps me here and buys me coffee and pumpkins seeds..

I still struggle horrindously with sleep. But I'm grateful at least I'm at pure ease playing games. Games been my go to media for knowing basically all based on books they were made about, like Severus and Tintin, I still play their ps1 games! Tho I got stuck on this game & their sleep has given me so much ease lo

I'm at my happy place rn, heh.

Bonus panel: ye they R hungry for that SHI- lo 🙈

And an honorary appearance of my OC with Tintin hehe

Stay safe, don't feed the overconsumption machine, don't give up on your heartstrings's stringers, don't worry— there are people who think and feel like you always between the crowds, and I'm thankful that I share the same timeline with you♥️🖤

Sweet dreams 🌃 19.2.2024

[rickyschicky]

🌌Void🌌

A Ricky x Fem!Reader (Angst/Fluff)

Summary: You have been having an extremely hard time for a few weeks, but today was just the one day that topped them all... So Ricky had to step in before he lost you to yourself.

Warnings/Mentions: Depression, Drug usage (prescribed medications), self-deprecation, LOTS OF CRYING, Pet names (Squirt, Honey, Sweetie, Maomao, and Darling), very small amount of violence? 

Hello everyone! I finally have completed my very first ZB1 fanfic and have truly become an official writer of Zumblr! This work has a lot of my emotions or feelings into it and was very self-indulgent when thought of. As many of my previous followers may have noticed, I’ve changed my user to “rickyschicky.” Yes, I’m going to mainly be writing about ZB1 from now on, but no I’ll still write for other groups/idols. But they most likely will be my ult biases or Idols that have a special place in my heart. This fic is coming out a lot later than I originally wanted it to due to a lot of personal things happening in my life. Now that this is released, I’ll be working on a proper pin that has a proper about me, rules for the blog, rules for asks and even an anon list for those who wish to SECRETLY stick around! Im very excited to have my fresh start, so perceive me well, pretty please! Feedback is always appreciated, and if you see mistakes don’t be afraid to send me a DM!

Cup. Pop. Gulp.

     This routine was normal for you, a dreaded ritual if anything. If you didn’t do this every morning and night, you know your life would be in shambles and unlivable. Curling into your favorite (F/C) blanket, you let out a sigh of emptiness as your feet mindlessly kick around in it. 

Managing depression, sucks.

     Mindlessly watching whatever was playing on the tv, the heart inside of your chest sunk deeper and deeper. Yet anything you put on couldn’t entertain you, not even rewatching your favorite shows. You can’t decide what’s worse; not remembering how many days it’s been since this started, not eating or hydrating enough, or the fact that you have shut all your friends out with your boyfriend being the very next one. You hear your best friend’s custom ringtone blare though your phone speakers at least twice a day, but you couldn’t help but sigh and say, “not today, (F/N)”. Everything from blaring sounds to the soft fabric currently on your fingertips felt like it was hardly there. Your body feels like over-used putty, numb and worn out from so much usage. It’s impossible though, it has felt like you haven’t moved from this spot in months. Who knows the actual time you even were here on the couch of you and your lover’s shared house.

     It’s pitiful how you couldn’t even jump from surprise when Ricky touches your head softly, “I’m home, squirt. I’m sorry I was out late, I wanted to finish getting a certain verse right.’ Only humming in response, you sit up and turn the tv down in an attempt to listen to him. By all means it wasn’t because you weren’t interested, it's far from that. It’s just hard to control your fuzzy mind and have it focus on something emotional at this moment in time. He didn’t like the lack-of response he received, gracefully walking over and sitting next to your cocooned form.

     “(Y/N), honey. Please look at me.” You tear your gaze from the random spot you decided to zone out on and look into his gentle, cat shaped eyes. They were full of concern and distress. You almost hated how he could easily read you like an open book just by the way you act or look. 

     “Sweetie don’t start crying, I am far from mad at you. I just want you to talk to me, tell me what you feel.” Ricky takes no time in using his large thumb to brush away the tears that unknowingly fell from your lash line. He lets his long arms wrap around your figure, pulling you into his comforting lap. 

     The first thought you could even think of through the numerous tears was ‘why am I like this?’. Feeling disgusted with yourself, you choke out a sob harder and limply lay your head on his shoulder. You take your medicine day and night as prescribed, so why are you still feeling like a hollow doll that’s incapable of nothing? Even in the love of your life’s arms, you couldn’t feel an ounce of happiness.

     Ricky sensed this, pulling your chin up and bringing you into a sweet and gentle kiss as he whispers soft praises of how strong you are. “Hey hey hey, don’t work yourself up too much (Y/N). We both know we will feel like shit, and I’ll call Hanbin to let him know I can’t come in to practice because you are just sooo sad.” He gives a cute pout, tickling your sides in mockery. Through your tears, you let out a huff that quickly turns into a squeal. You quickly throw your fists up and start lightly punching him in his wide shoulders and chest in an attempt to get his fingers away from your sensitive sides.

     “The last thing I need is for you yelled at by mother, Shen Ricky.” You scold, feeling a breath of life flow through your veins. It was hard to be upset when he acts silly or in this case: say something utterly stupid and cute. He chuckles, noticing how you were starting to change right before his eyes. He knew he had to continue before you slip back. 

     “Well, I can always bring you to practice?” 

     “Ricky, WakeOne literally won’t let me, even if you beg.”

     You sit in silence before just snorting at his antics. You shimmy out of the blanket and take care to put it around you and him, straddling his lap so you can lay your head on his collarbone right under his chin. Soon your body melts as you go limp once more. Ricky quickly accepted this new position by wrapping his arms around your lower back snugly, giving many annoying kisses to your temples and forehead. He felt you changing again and wanted to halt the process. Deciding this was too annoying right now, you attempt to pull the blanket above your head. Not liking this, your boyfriend quickly grabs the blanket with his teeth and starts tugging on it playfully, tickling your sides ferociously.  

     “What are you, a dog?” 

     “Actually, I’m a cat.”

     You don’t waste a second to jab your hand in his side, hearing him whimper for you to let up and be gentle. He sighs, giving up and letting you hide under the soft fabric, rocking your curled up form that was on his lap. After being together for a while, he knew your limits and when to stop. You just wanted someone to physically be there for you today, so that’s what he will do. Slowly moving the blanket off the top of your head, he gently clears his throat to sing for you in his mother tongue. You voiced to him before you loved hearing him sing so comfortably in his first language and even encouraged him to teach you a few songs in Chinese. 

     Not soon after you were about to pull the blanket over your head, you heard his deep, breathy voice fill your ears. Stopping your current action, you tuck your hair behind your ears so you could hear him clearly (even if you couldn’t understand a single thing coming from his lips), and let your head lay heavy on his shoulder. Sure, Ricky could be a total annoying brat when he wanted to be, but times like this are when you are the most thankful for him. You felt at one of your lowest points and instead of running or simply saying, ‘suck it up’, he stuck around and tried to learn how to take care of you and cheer you up. He took his time learning your needs, favorite activities and foods, and even points of his personality you enjoyed the most. You were his rose, freshly bloomed and bright red with an addicting scent. His romance, the one that made his heart fall in his stomach and bounce of his rib cage with a simple stare and gentle laugh. If he could, you would be carried everywhere in his pocket wherever he traveled. Ricky truly loved you, just for who you are.

     Not a second after he finished the song, you were wiping tears. You didn’t know what tears they really were at this point. You felt numb, but you at least felt something now compared to earlier. Sitting up carefully, you rub your raw puffy eyes to attempt to see him. Blinking rapidly, you saw he had a gentle smile on, your second favorite smile. Nothing could beat his largest, brightest smile he gives when he is bursting with happiness. Leaning over, you connect your sore lips with his thick, plush ones. Ricky’s chest rumbled smoothly under your hands that were propping you up, humming with the small show of affection. 

     “That’s my girl, so pretty even when she is the saddest soul on the planet.” He coos, large hands once again cupping your jaw tenderly. His eyes were sparkling, looking like the softest pieces of boba you have laid your own eyes on. Everything that exuded him at this moment spoke of love and truth. You lay your smaller hands ontop of his, enjoying the warmth of them. 

     “Maomao, let’s go to bed...I’m just really tired after today.” You confess, guilt laced in your voice. His thumb brushed your lip to hush you, smiling sweetly. 

     “There is nothing wrong with that, my darling. Let’s get some good rest and wake up to a new day. Together.” Your boyfriend promises, gently moving his hands to securely hold your thighs as he stands up and starts walking to your shared bedroom. He lays you down like royalty on the bed, swinging you in properly and tucks you in. By the time you were able to focus your eyes, he vanished from the room. 

     After a few minutes, you hear a familiar rattle come down the hallway as he slips in the room once again. He kneels by the bed a water in hand, and a yellow tinted bottle with a white cap on top. Sleepily, you grab the bottle and twist it open, smiling when you see the water bottle already opened and offered towards you.

Cup. Pop. Gulp.

         Managing depression, sucks.

                               But Ricky makes it suck a lot less. 

[crazysodomite]

Heres the thing. obviously i understand how it feels when you spend hours upon hours and years upon years on your creations and they get almost no engagement or interest. and it has been said a million times before how you shouldn't base your self worth on social media responses and all. lets just say not everyone can flip a switch in their brain and say 'i dont care and will not pay attention to this anymore'. we all want to be seen and heard even if it comes in the form of numbers of likes and shares. and im not touching on the reality that if you want to make money off your art you need engagement because that's a whole different thing entirely.

the reality is that theres a lot of people on the internet and people curate their online profiles on what appeals to them. there are few people who will share art just for the love of the game frankly. people will share what fits their 'theme' or their fandoms and interests and not much aside from this. and if you don't create works that broadly appeal to a very high number of people your numbers will plummet. if you aren't creating works that make 10.000 people laugh/relate/want to have your work on their profile you won't get 10.000 shares and it doesn't reflect on you as an artist or as a person. its also why text posts/memes always get much more engagement than artworks. it's just easier to relate to a funny text post than to a piece of art (no matter the 'skill level' or whatever).

heres what i think and what concerns me. more often than not the amount of attention you get is never going to be enough if you focus on numbers. someone who routinely gets 10k shares will often be distressed that one of their pieces only got 5k shares. and so on and so forth. i personally think people need to focus on making community with peers. truth is that 1 person who is genuinely engaged and interested in your stuff is better than 100 people who press share and forget about it, no? if you engage with other people's creations and lift them up you will notice they will probably do the same for you! try to make friends (or at least internet neighbors. you know im too shy to befriend people so i understand) share and comment on other peoples stuff in your circle and you will start making mutual connections and start enjoying art more. obviously some people don't care to engage with other people and that's fine. you will find people who do! i just think focusing on numbers instead of community is not healthy. its like. if i go into inspect element and enter 100000 likes and shares for my artwork, how is that better? let's say my piece blows up. people will scroll away and forget. but that one mutual you made because you both love each others art and projects isnt gonna forget.

also some stuff i want to say as a guy whos in it for the love of the game.

self rb your art and dont depend on stuff blowing up in a day or whatever. talk about your pieces (if you want to obviously) your process, your ideas etc. talk about what excites you and what you liked in each piece. its easier to be engaged when You are engaged in your own stuff. also im talking about all types of artists sorry if what i wrote feels too visual arts focused i love all art forever

also about ocs and worlds and so on. personally if im scrolling and i see someone talking about their ocs im interested. but i wish it was more common to put info about your ocs in a visible place for people to access. I Will Read All That. people who are interested in your ideas but can't find a write up to understand what you're talking about are probably going to be confused. so like! if you'd like more engagement with your oc content try to make it easy for people to 'jump in'. creating tags for info of your ocs/world/etc is also a good idea (i will read all that). or dont. im not forcing anyone to do anything.

[fortunatelyenchantingtaco]

"I know Alan's marriage with Alice is wonderful" man idk, i have no doubt that they love each other but i thought a major thematic piece of aw1 and 2 had everything to do with the fact that he treated her like absolute dogshit sometimes. obviously there's more going on and alan is better than that in the long run, but from alice's perspective especially scratch is such an allegory for an abusive spouse it's not even funny 🤔

I mean Scratch is basically everything bas in Alan but warped and maxed out to a degree that himself he would become

Alan is pretty depressed even in the first game, even if it manifests in his anger, it is still rooted in a very low view of himself. He’s convinced he’s a horrible person, an abusive husband, a failure of a writer

Which we dont actually see — like we see some of their fights, but it is normal in a marriage especially considering this is Alan being in writers block. It doesn’t justify his actions but often times relationships are a thing you have to work at. Its a conscious decision and effort to make it work, and people like Alan being temperamental when it comes to their art isnt a reason to just say that oh hes not fit for marriage hes abusive

Their trip in the first game is an effort on both ends to actually make it work because they love each other but Alan’s block is hard to deal with

Both games Alan’s sole purpose is to save Alice cause he loves her, loves her enough to stop writing and be locked in the Dark Place to keep her safe, we can see it in his flashbacks

And in the second game we can finally see Alice no longer being a damsel in distress but taking action. Like idk if its just me but the last message alone is for me a big confirmation there is so much love between them. She is so soft, so confident in him, in herself. She doesnt mind that he needs time, she knows he will eventually get there. That last video is personal, only for him to see, and its filled with so much love

I wouldn’t begrudge if they got divorced after everything settled down because of the amount of trauma they both experienced, but they love each other. Scratch might be a part of Alan but thats not all there is to him, there is anger and possessiveness in everyone, his just got a paranormal boost and got a mind of its own

We dont see much love in the first game cause narrative wise Alice very much played a role of a damsel in distress. But in the second game??? She is actively participating, her goal is not to get rid of Scratch, its to get Alan back

Like i dont think Scratch is an allegory for an abusive husband its not really a major point in any of it. Im not even sure if the haunting was actually that bad — we only see what Alive shows us, and all of it feels reallt pointed specifically like look here, here, you go. She guides him by the hand to where he needs to go

Fights between couples are normal and we dont really see any abuse happening or Alice wouldnt have been trying to save their marriage. Alan might have been shitty at times because of his obvious struggles, anger and drinking problems but nothing we know of shows actual abuse. Like i dont wanna just go oh he wasnt!! But what we see are arguments that genuenly happen to every couple

One of the big points of the game for me is that Alan is flawed. Hes not what you would typically call a good person, a hero, but he loves his wife, he sacrificed himself for her, he keeps trying to go back to her. The possessiveness and anger of Scratch, even if hes part of Alan, isnt everything he is, because we all have it

The whoel ending and ascension talk is specifically about accepting that there is dark in you. But its not all there is

Like idk the first game does make it a bit ambiguous but the second one is pretty clear in pointing out their love and active effort to make it work, which is honestly more than you can say about a lot of couples

[itsseohannbin]

Hannji Rambles / Another Life Update

hiiii Pookies!!

Hope everyone is doing well and taking care of themselves!!!

I'm just popping in with a quick life update (cause apparently I'm having a lot of those lately) to kind of let everyone know what's been going on lately.

I know I said a couple weeks ago that I was ready to come back to tumblr and begin posting again, and I am, however, there's been a bit of a change of plans in regards to me starting up my writing/posting fics again.

Because I have been put on a temporary stress leave by my family doctor for the next couple weeks, I'm trying to reduce the amount of stress/triggers in my life until my next appointment, where I will be reassessed to determine if I'm fit to go back to work or not. I want to continue writing and posting because writing has always been a strong outlet for me to relieve stress and clear my brain when the noise gets too much, however, I need to make changes to what I will posting in order to help keep my stress levels under control.

SO,

that being said, I will be posting the remaining few parts/chapters of Like A Volcano (for all my Hannie stans out there who are ever so patiently waiting), BUT at this time, I will not be writing/posting a Jisung POV for this fic. I wanted to, and I was super excited to write a part in his pov, but I've been struggling with writing it for the last few months and it's really put a damper on my already not-so-good mental state. Maybe in the future, I will upload a snippet, but since the idea of creating a Jisung POV for LAV is causing more stress than it's worth, it will be put on the backburner for the time being. I AM SORRY FOR THOSE WHO WERE WANTING IT I JUST CANNOT WORK WITH IT RN!

However, the last few parts will be edited/revised and posted in the coming week-ish so I can finally put that fic to rest and start up The Blackened Heart again bc I am so so excited to start writing that again!

In addition to the Jisung POV being scraped (for the time being), I am also putting a halt on the LAV spinoffs I had in the works (Connected, which is the Chan x Jo spin off, and Waiting For Us, which is the Minho x Ash spin off) simply because both of them are causing more tension and stress than necessary.. I don't like it when writing feels like it's becoming a chore, I'd rather write stuff that I'm excited to write and post, and that entire AU series has quickly become the opposite of what I want to do... I will be coming back to them eventually, but as of right now, I need to do what I can to alleviate the amount of distress in my life, and that means putting LAV/Connected/WFU on hold.

I am happy to say I will be continuing my commission for the lovely @bethanysnow that I've been slowly working on while I get back into the swing of things, ((beth baby i am so sorry its taking so long im just really struggling right now so please bear with me :( )) and I'm of course still writing drabbles, fake!text posts, and my OT8 "The L Word" series.

Thank you all for the never-ending support and love I'm still receiving from a lot of you despite my inactiveness. Just know I read every single one of your comments, reblogs, and things that you all tag me in. I am still very much here in spirit, just slowly working my way back up to being a fully functional human being

In the meantime, as some of you may already know, I am starting a small business where I make beaded keychains, rings, lanyards, bracelets and more. Beading has very quickly become a safe haven for me and its very therapeutic to just sit for hours watching tv and making stuff to eventually sell. I am starting up an instagram account specifically for this business called Hannji's Creations, so if you're interested in what I'm making and such, feel free to give me a follow over there. I'm making a lot of SKZ themed stuff, however, I'm also opening up ideas for other kpop groups and other styled collections in general.

Thank you again to everyone who has stuck around and checked in on me these last few months. I know life can be tough sometimes, and lately I'm having a hard time getting back up somedays, but you guys all make it more bearable, so thank you. thank you for your continuous understanding and unconditional love..

You guys are awesome!

can't wait to show you all what's in store!!

Much Love,

Hannji <3

[rin-and-jade]

hi there, I've been very active in researching OSDD/DID for the last few years, and it came to be that around July of 2022 I realized how many applications and descriptions fit my experience. I/we don't experience amnesia, but do experience high degrees of trance-like dissociation and DPDR regularly. I/we identify as an OSDD system, and have distinctive parts/alters, who have their own body awareness, personalities, interacting with the world, and their own names, if exclusively identified.

The problem is that there is a huge amount of imposter syndrome, and self-invalidation, since we don't remember any significant trauma that would cause such a brain thing to happen. The only things we can remember are instances of emotional invalidation (and altercations ending in panic attacks from a young age) due to caregivers figures not realizing we're autistic, or how to help us. But that doesn't feel like it's enough. With all the searching we've done, we can't recover anything more specific as a recurring trauma. It hurts, and feels like we are invalid as a system, and that without something more significant there's no way we could have developed this way.

Is this enough, depending on how the brain dealt with distress? Should we keep searching for repressed trauma?

TLDR; Imposter syndrome due to lack of trauma rememberance, and what is remembered feels "too light".

Yikes.. imposter syndrome is already a pain in the ass to deal with. I'll try my best to explain multiple things to you and all ya got to do is digest all of these and do the tips i write below ok? (long post bare with me)

Following the order, let's start with the syndrome itself. This can make a distrust between you and the memories/severity you have known,, having the mindset of seeing 'worthiness' in a simple scale (of not bad to bad enough) won't cut it apparently. First you must understand that you're easy to miss the whole point which is acknowledging you have these unpleasant memories, and that is the only proof needed.

Secondly, self invalidation hits people right in the gut. Everytime. While you can't stop it from throwing punches, you can actually learn how to dodge. In this case where invalidation is trying to beat you up hard anytime,, it's time to implement the concept of worth and acceptance. By understanding that everyone has its own worth (and the same degree/amount) and even for you, that'll dodge an uppercut of "your struggles are nothing compared to others" which is much better than getting your jaw hit and halfway in the process of understanding the truth (because it lies all the time). Having acceptance that despite how 'small' or 'not really bad' traumatic experiences makes you dodge another jab punch,, invalidation hates this as it tries to put you down for good and you're going against it. Like boxing, it takes practice to create a counterattack and be fast in dodging so if you got hit once in a while, get up again, you're doing great,, beat that shit to pulp with consistency.

Thirdly, for repressed trauma/memories. I think of this sometimes, i, myself is also aware we still have many to uncover but that isn't always the important thing to dig for. How can one be sure that it has CDD? By knowing it has one already, in fact (the presenting symptoms and struggles around it, as well as history of when it happened). Finding traces is not easy and takes lot of time,, just as an investigation case where some deed had happened (cdd) and you're tasked to understand what process/action had led to this cause by looking for clues (repressed memories) and even if you, the detective have gained profound evidence (pieces of memories, etc). Because you weren't in the crime scene or whoever was involved in the deed,, not knowing the full chronology, series of events and reasons is perfectly alright. What im telling is that you don't need to see the full picture to determine something,, with enough clues that serves as concrete evidence, it had already been sufficient.

Lastly, i say you should not chase for memories as its counterintuitive. Like taming a cat, you can't catch it that way,, and so it works similarly with this. The more you heal on yourself and other parts, it'll uncover by itself and im sure of it. So you don't have to chase anymore because it's bound to come by itself, just like a cat.

I also made this simple graph on how your issues affect each other and its outcome in my own understanding,, by having awareness that this is creating a loop, you are bound to escape/break it easier. The writings are not dyslexic-friendly so im kinda sorry on that..

This hopefully covers up everything what you're questioning and the presented struggles as well, so, i now wish you luck and feel free to come back and tell me your progress.

- j

[laceratedlamiaceae]

Dubcon is there for the cases where it's like, the scenario doesn't leave space for 100% explicit consent (like fuck or die but also the kind of fic where all the characters want it but aren't sure of the other's motivations or that they're all on the same page relationship-wise etc etc), it doesn't line up 1-to-1 with real life consent bc it's fiction and you can push it further without making the reader feel they're in noncon territory, since you're in the characters' heads. For some people it should line up or it's fucked up, for others it's more about if it hits the spot kink-wise or falls flat, or they've got different expectations based on story genre or canon context. What constitutes dubcon or noncon or "fully consensual doesn't need a tag" and where the lines are is A Fandom Debate that has been going on for decades and changes with cultural/fandom context and time too. I've heard this is why ao3 doesn't have dubcon as a warning, there was no consensus there, but the rape warning is generally more clear when it applies (bc 99% of the time it's written like that on purpose) and if the author isn't sure they can use the "chose not to use archive warnings" tag.

Im also getting annoyed at the amount of Izzy fic that doesn't tag dubcon or noncon but like. Clearly this is the entire point of the fic once you read it. Like the consent issues and Izzy being deeply uncomfortable or distressed or feeling like he can't say no safely are important factors in here and this is treated as aah but it's fine bc he's Izzy like (????) That's A Kink, author. That's a ducon kink you've got there. Sometimes straight up a rape kink. Please for the love of fuck own it, so I can filter it in or out depending on my mood. It's not even a content warning tag of the "may contain traces of peanuts" variety at that point! It's peanut butter! It's what this fic Is About!

It's also getting increasingly harder for me to trust trans Izzy fic by authors I don't know, bc so many of them feel less like this guy is trans and more like "Nagging ex-wife needs to be Taught a Lesson is my shit, but I can't be like that to a female character, that's illegal. So Im going to use this guy instead and change the pronouns" or like, I also don't want to read about sexual violence against a trans guy! I get that this is a kink trans men may have, just like how women have rape fantasies, but I don't have it and I would like to be able to filter it out. Sometimes it's a matter of writing skill, sometimes it's a matter of this getting mixed in with the general trouble people seem to have giving poor kinky sub Izzy the right to consent to things, like being a sub makes him less a person (which happens in other fandoms but I haven't seen it get this prevalent before)

(in reference to this post)

Thank you! I wasn't aware that this has been the subject of fandom debate, but that makes sense. It would be nice if more people at least just went with "chose not to use archive warnings," but I guess that would require them to think about whether there's consent in their fic to begin with.

And yes, it's baffling to me how people don't get that their works contain rape when that's the entire point of them. There was some art going around recently about an AU where Izzy was a pirate hunter and he was blindfolded, expecting to be having sex with Stede (and IIRC it was implied that that wouldn't have been fully consensual either), but then it was revealed to be Ed who removed the blindfold and used it to gag Izzy. Literally the entire point of it was that Izzy was uncomfortable, and obviously there was no way it could have been consensual, but the artist didn't tag it for rape and neither did anyone I follow who reblogged it; I actually convinced myself that I was being overly sensitive and misinterpreting it but now I'm not so sure.

I've been lucky enough to avoid anything too awful in trans Izzy fics, but I have seen a decent number of posts that seem to be taking the "Izzy is wife-coded/woman-coded" idea (which I don't have anything against, to be clear) and taking it all the way to "Izzy is literally a woman, except I don't want to genderswap him so I'll just make him trans" as if that isn't super transphobic, so I'm not surprised that awful stuff like that ends up in fics.

The stuff with people headcanoning him as a sub (because it is just a headcanon, despite any textual evidence for it) and using that to justify awful things happening to him is so infuriating for me! I've seen a lot of fics tagged for "dom/sub undertones," whatever that means, with no other warnings, and it's just Izzy being raped except it's okay because he's a sub and therefore he must be okay with anything anyone does to him. It reminds me of people using the masochist Izzy headcanon in similar ways (see this post).

[transsexualism-archive]

tips for dealing with chronic illness that i wish someone told me when i first got my diagnosis:

as a general rule, people aren't supposed to feel pain or distress every single day. try to compare your pain levels with other people's. even if it's "not that bad". even if you think something is normal

talk to other chronically people. find your community. reddit forums >>>> webmd

i cannot stress this enough check with your doctor if and or how your meds interact with each other, especially if you're starting a new medication

put your meds where you can see them, whether it's your bedside drawer or your desk or the kitchen table. stick post it notes everywhere you can see. set an alarm. set three alarms

for the love of fuck don't drink if your meds don't mix with alcohol. or at least drink responsibly. personally i find that im okay if i have one glass of wine or a beer after a full meal; if you do prioritise drinking over whatever side effects you will potentially have, drink responsibly

that being said, you're allowed to have nice things sometimes, whether it's drinks or a food you can't really eat, or going to bed later

if you need to spend a lot of time in bed, invest in a bedside drawer, or just put a spare chair next to your bed. stuff i try to make sure is always within my reach: water, pain relief cream, tissues, charger and headphones

big water bottle or just straight up a huge plastic bottle near the bed and/or your pc. if you don't like drinking water, juice or soda work just as well

coke zero has anti nausea properties because they put too much artificial sweetener in it and have to counteract it

sleep schedule. lack of sleep can make your pain levels a lot worse

you need to eat. if you don't have energy to cook, ramen and instant soups/instant mash potatoes are a godsent. there's all kinds of dry instant meals. snacks aren't the same as a full meal, but if you have issues with eating a bag of crisps is better than nothing

learn what your body needs. try to notice if there's any patterns. how many hours of sleep do to need? how many spoons do you have on average? what makes your symptoms worse? what makes them better?

mental illness is just as much of an illness as a physical syndrome. you wouldn't expect someone with a broken leg to walk as fast as someone without one. if you're dealing with depression you shouldn't expect for yourself to do the same amount of things as a person who isn't depressed

you can and should ask your doctor as many questions as you need. ask your doctor if you can contact them outside appointments. from experience, most psychiatrists are okay with being texted if you're in a crisis situation and need help/advice immediately

sometimes you're just not able to do something or perform at the same level that people without your condition can. it's really frustrating but you shouldn't have to push yourself to do something which is harder for you than it is for others

write shit down. as someone who is dealing with memory loss, often if i don't write something down it's gone from my brain forever. whether it's notes app or a cute notebook or just a random piece of paper that's lying around, developing a habit to put something down in writing if you notice it is helpful. if journalling is something you enjoy, keeping a mood/other symptoms tracker is a great idea. there's also journalling apps, and different kinds of trackers

half assing things is better than not doing anything at all. wash one plate instead of the entire dishes. clean one part of your room. eat one bite

your body is your friend. don't do things that are bad for it, or at least try to aim not to

that being said, sometimes you do end up choosing to do something that you know you're going to regret later. plan it ahead so you have time to rest after. f e if i do a lot of walking i need to clear my schedule for the next few days because i know i won't be able to get out of bed tomorrow

learn your patterns. what makes you feel better? what alleviates your pain? if you feel bad right now, or on the contrary your symptoms are more manageable than usual, is there something youve done differently today?

sometimes dealing with illness is like taking care of a small child. sometimes the child is throwing a tantrum. sometimes you want to strangle the child

self dx is valid. that being said, if you have an opportunity to see a doctor, absolutely go do it. even if you don't think you actually have the thing. even if it's not that bad. even if it's not disabling. it doesn't hurt to have a medical professional look at your stuff

most importantly, be patient with yourself. most likely you have limitations other people don't, and that's okay. some people can run a marathon and for some walking from their room to their kitchen is a challenge, and neither is better/worse/more valid. physical weakness is not a personal flaw

[thermodynamiclawyer]

HAIII👋👋👋FELLOW PV ENJOYER I just wanna say I LOVE UR ART SM🥺🥺the way u draw pv is SOSOSOSOSO COOL N FUNKY I LOVE IT SMMM I usually don’t follow accounts that post purecacao not becauz i hate the ship it’s just not really my thing (also becauz my besties fav ancient is lily and we like making aus together a lot so it’s just easier 2 slam our faves together HSHSHD) but but BUT!! u are the EXEPCTION i just cannot resist ur pv art swagger. it is too pretty it is TOO MUCH OF. A LOT OF GOOD THINGS I DON’T WANNA MAKE A HUGE LIST RN BUTBUT ur gonna get spammed with notifs from me in a second becauz im going through ur pv tag and reblogging ur art of him. I actually saw ur art a lot earlier but. i didnt interact with it idk why I just didn’t feel like writing out a ton of tag compliment essays that day and then I just continued to put it off,, the wonders of having the disorder(s? I just recently got on meds for add but I’m not actually properly diagnosed yet) (also I’m autistic so disorders plural I think) I literallt have no other excuse for not interacting with ur art sooner other than. executive dysfunction sucks and also becauz I wasn’t sure if u were the type of real and TRUE!! purecacao shipper 2 still think lily is shippable or were one of the kinds of people to demonize lily insanely a lot. I had 2 unfollow some1 before becauz they made an extremely negative post about lily that made me kindof uncomfy but. seeing as u also ship hollylily(valid btw) I think it’s time I finally follow u becauz. I love ALL UR ART SM!!!! and I wanna eat it stuff it into my mouth like a chipmunk and run away with it forever it is so. ur style is soooososo unique but in such a visibly appealing way it boggles my MIND when people manage 2 make such unique art styles look SOSO GOOD especially since the only way I was able 2 make my art look okay was 2 make it look. less unique idk. no clue what spawned me 2 ramble on for this long idk I just. think ur art is cool okay. I see ur pv art and my eyes light up n go shiny like big sparkly anime eyes the way u draw is just so. sosososoososo. so. insert every compliment physically possible here I can’t possibly stress this enough just. art. pretty. and I’m envious that ur not even that much older than me I hope that. my improvement speeds up in the next 2-3 years it would b really cool if my art was just as cool as urs when I’m 19. idk. end of ask I’ve gone on for too long I’m sorry I hope u don’t mind. whatever this is ig

this means so much to me holy shit i’m so happy you like my art. and i’m very happy ur a lily enjoyer too!!! i totally agree with you, people demonize her way too much (probably because she “gets in the way” of ppls “gay ships” WHICH I HATE THAT EXCUSE). i still ship purelily, i like to imagine it as a relationship they had in the past. i’m not gonna ignore what they have in canon cuz it’s obvious they loved each other!!! (i’m not gonna freak out when i see other ships with the characters i like LOL). i still love lily and i want her to be happy, she has an incredible amount of depth to her character. she’s not heartless, but she’s not a shy damsel in distress like how other people depict her as well. she’s flawed and incredibly multidimensional, and i hope i have the opportunity to show that more often :D that makes me happy to hear you’re still open to other artists that ship different (normal) things, i hope you enjoy what i draw in the future as well!! i love the ancients a lot and i love other ancients-fans as well!!!

[gayspock]

ALSO jool jool jool

im still very torn on jool. i think ultimately... i dont know. i dont entirely GET why she's here, still. like i mean i get it- she doesn't have anywhere to go, or whatever- but narratively speaking.

like i could understand some arguments. maybe, i figure, her purpose was to balance out the different groups (i.e, talyn crew vs moya crew). and i suppose that makes some sort of sense, both in terms of numbers and dynamics- but it still just isnt... enough for me?

because like. my PROBLEM isnt her being an "annoyance". i mean- ok, the screaming was too much to begin with, but theyve dialled it back so im fine with that, now. but like, i havent gone through too many forum threads/discussions on her, but i can easily see people writing her off as the woooorst bc she's "annoying" in general which. LOOK...

like, sure, i get it could be too much for some ppl still. but me? usually i dont mind if there's a character, who just causes issues for the others, and i dont mind if there's a character whos whiny, and i dont mind if there's a character whos kind of written to be "unlikable". im usually v fine with that, do you know what i mean? like- if it makes sense for the character to be that way then im okay with it. and i think its more reasonable for characters to sometimes be in that role, and sometimes even necessary.

and i mean that ESPECIALLY when like.. frankly i think the character *is* kinda justified in their upset/distress and is lashing out bc of it. like i dont think it makes any amount of sense for everyone, all of the time to take things happily and in their stride and its odd when ppl expect that of characters. like yeah shes fucking bitchy. i would be TOO in her situation.

my problem starts is when like... it kind of feels like thats the only purpose they have? or they lack depth in other regards. and with jool, ehhhh uhm.... ehhhh. uhm. ehrm.

bc like thus far... she really hasnt DONE anything except be a plot device at times, to cause further conflict for the others. we dont really have the time to explore her properly. and it IS kinda odd for her to still be there with them. we dont really see a decent exploration of her with the others... she just acts out, gets yelled at, end of... and i feel like, when she does cause problems, its never... interesting?

like- forgive me, i have issues a bit with rygel too. BUT when he caused conflict, at least early on, it was with more purpose. he had good scenes with zhaan. he sold them out, a few times, but it was a calculated decision that made sense for who he was and in turn who the rest of them arent. he's there, sort of, as this constant reminder of how they started out with respect to one another. and he himself does have good scenes - like in the last 2 parter, where he just killed that charrid, or that scene all the way back in s1 where he was imprisoned with that other leader, etc... theyre interesting beats, and good insights into that type of character

but thus far we really.. havent gotten that with jool. and when she DOES cause problems, a lot of it is just... "oh jool fucked it up again! booo!" LIKE... i dont know it just feels lazy and like she is there for no reason other than to cause problems. and its a shame bc she does... have an interesting enough setup that they havent touched on, like, at all. which i dont BLAME them for- theyve had a lot to do, thus far- but like... also?

if they dont have time for her... then why introduce her at that point in the show? its how i felt with, like, the first time they reintroduced stark. you could so easily have taken him out of those 2 episodes he was in, before he died, instead of swinging back and forth with it. i mean it. instead it just felt wishy washy, with the way he was brought into the show, too.

and with jool its like... even when she first appeared she really didnt do anything, in my opinion, except scream and write them out of corners. and like i said- she hasnt done anything interesting since. and to me, it therefore just feels... like why is she here? i feel bad, bc she is starting to warm up to me-

bc like im saying all this, bc we just got her first episode where i liked her (that is, revenging angel). she fucks up terribly. BUT it isnt just for the conceit of the episode- i mean, well it is, but we also explore HER more properly, and see her honest thoughts, and we get that nice bit of her with d'argo. like she isnt JUST existing to cause a problem - she's actually a character in her own right, which ike... you know... i think thats a far enough thing to ask of a character. and its like they didnt even have to give her sympathetic reasons behind stuff, which they did here- they just had to, like.. give her some dimension, other than what they did

anyways. i hope they build on her more from now on but im also unsure of when the hell they could. im certain we're going to be building back up to something mad in the upcoming episodes so god knows.

[imightgetbetter]

I completely agree with you, I think the things he said were vile and damaging beyond belief and I think that there is no amount of apologies that can undo it, I will never listen to him the same for sure.

I won't get really into it because I have a whole ass 2 page essay on it (it's easier for me to decide things like that) but from listening to the whole podcast, a lot of it was very very lead and encouraged by the hosts, that is not to above matty, still vile, but it is setting a tone that people who are easily Influenced (I.e matty is just a man and is easily influenced in areas) or people who aren't thinking much (once again, he's an idiot istg) however I'm not saying he's not absolutely vile for this and gross, especially when it comes to the weird sort of homophobia, and the comments about women and other marginalised groups, If he took time, reflected, apologised, and proved with his actions that he had chnaged I think there is some semblance of saving it.

In no way will it be better, and It will not possibly just be forgotten, but it's possible to very slowly come back from if he just shuts the fuck up and let's himself get educated and proves he's willing to change.

I think my perspective is a little different because a lot of the stuff said there is just stuff I hear regularly in school and always have, it's a vile culture among younger lads that's become very normalised at certain places. I don't agree with it. I personally don't feel safe around it. It's gross and dehumanising. But I have seen people genuinely turn themselves around from similar points or worse.

That is not to say that you are not absolutely valid in your position, I very much agree in this has made my feelings towards the man very confused and uncomfortable, but I just felt it necesary to explain I'm not defending him.

Sorry this is so long and stuff I just don't want you thinking im not with you on this, I am, I felt it necesary to explain myself a little. Either way, I hope you are OK, and I hope that this doesn't cause much distress for you, I know its rough, especially given your recent writing. I'm wishing you well, I'll probably pop in every now and then on my train journey tonight anyway, look after yourself though. I have deleted twitter like 3 years ago so I think I'm going to save myself the pain of reading that statement.

i get where you're coming from! considering i work in music, i hear the most vile things from grown men all the time. it used to shock me, and then i kind of just moved on? i feel like that trivializes it but that's what i had to do. most of the men that work in music in some capacity think this way. i just think it's so unsettling that he completely isolated a majority of his fanbase to fit in with what these people were saying, which is so odd? like, are you not a grown man? are you not able to sit there and say, i don't agree or i don't think this way. i really don't see how he could reflect and change this behavior when this isn't the first time he's done it. it's like that saying, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. that's kind of how this feels to me.

[thistlethebard]

So my computer might be out of commission for a couple days so that means no playing stardew. And the journals won’t be here till wednesday at the earliest so no writing about stardew. I Am Going To Cry

[lymmsweb]

Hi, can i request Some demon slayer character Seeing you All wounded up after fighting demons (the character is down below)

-Tanjiro Kamado

-Zenitsu Agatsuma

-Inosuke Hashibira

-Rengoku Kyojurou

Thank You and take your time<3

You asked, you shall receive 😤

I'm so sorry that this took so long and it's not even good but I lost some motivation to write and got way to distracted with other stuff

Demon Slayer Characters seeing their s/o wounded after a fight

Gender Neutral

Fluff/Angst

Headcanons

Tanjiro Kamado

Zenitsu Agatsuma

Inosuke Hashibira

Kyojurou Rengoku

NOT PROOFREAD (it's 11:43pm leave me alone)

Tw : Descriptions of blood/wounds, Swearing

Tanjiro Kamado

This boy would be panicking the moment that he smelt blood near him

As soon as his eyes lock onto your body, he dashes towards you. The images of his dead family flash in his mind, he can't lose you too

Definitely one to quickly inspect your wounds and figure out if it was life-threatening or not, and to see how much blood you've lost

Tanjiro would gently pick you up, making sure to not put you in any pain, and run like his life depended on it it kinda does

Constantly whispering reassuring things to you like “You’ll be okay.” “I love you.” and “Please don't take them away from me now.”

He would hold back his tears and keep his composure just so he doesn't cause you any distress

Recovery

He’d be at your side 24/7, no one would be able go move him from your side.

Every single day he'd tell you how lucky he is that you're here with him, he'd make sure that you feel loved

Bring you some type of gift, food, flowers, you name it he'll get it

Zenitsu Agatsuma

When he saw your lifeless body, he fainted. He just couldn't handle it

No but seriously his heart stopped for a moment when he saw you, he immediately rushed over to your side with no regards for his own safety

He burst into tears when he noticed how bad your wounds were, he tried his best to stop but he honestly couldn’t

Zenitsu tried (keyword: tried) to pick you up but he was shaking so much to the point where he had to tell his bird to go get backup

With the amount of blood that you had lost he knew that you were fighting for your life so he did everything that he knew how to do when it came to wounds hoping that it would help

When backup finally came and took you away, he would not stop asking about you and annoying the shit out of the medical staff

Recovery:

This man was all over you. He would constantly asked if you needed anything, were comfortable, ect.

Atleast broke down once every night about how scared he was about loosing you.

Be prepared for the next couple of months for him to always be at your side, never ever leaving you

Inosuke Hashibira

He had never EVER sprinted that fast towards you

He noticed during the fight that you were hurt but when his eyes finally reached your body, his heart sunk

Inosuke instantly picked you up, with no regards that he may of hurt you. His goal was to reach anyone that may be able to help you

was lowkey crying but you couldn't see cuz of his mask

He kept on screaming in your ear ‘do not die!’ , ‘this wasn't how I want you to go!’ and ‘im sorry for not being strong’.

He moved flawlessly throughout the area that you two were in, not once tripping

When he finally reached someone with medical experience all he could do was shout gibberish at them and basically force them to help you

Recovery:

He became the cuddle monster

Since he knew that he wasn't the best with words he'd just spend hours with you in bed cuddling, or just giving you kisses on the cheek

No one can come within a 10ft radius of you without Inosuke giving them a death glare and him preparing to fight them

Alongside helping you regain your strength, he would train harder than he ever has before just so he'll be strong enough to protect you.

Kyojurou Rengoku

Istg this man literally teleported to you, the fear on his face was unmistakable.

He hated seeing you in any form of pain. But this? He never wants to see that sight again

He gives you instructions to control your breathing and to try to stop the bleeding whilst he drapes his cloak (im so sorry i have no idea what it’s called, can someone tell me?) over your body and picks you up into a cradle like position in his arms. Running the quickest that his legs will take him to a doctor

Blood was soaking right through it

Quite frankly he has no idea if you’re gonna survive or not, trying his hardest to keep up this facade that you’re gonna be okay

Retelling all of his favourite memories that he can remember, how happy you make him feel, how he loves you. He just says whatever is on his mind, he can’t stop even if he wants to.

The fear of loosing you, his lover, his partner was gnawing away at his heart. As if the world wanted to play a cruel joke on him

Recovery:

Everyday he would bring you a single flower so by the time that you’re healthy again you’d have a bouquet of flowers marking how many days it's been

He’d let you braid a or style his hair however you want it to be since it would ‘regain your hand strength’

Definitely one to help you with your recovery and to help you train, he'd want you to get better as quickly as possible but not so fast that you'd end up hurt

Rengoku would try his hardest to stay with you all the time but since he's a hashira he's got work to do