#meditations on torture

[stuckinapril]

Just a girl who wants to be her mother’s daughter in the ways that matter

[litchiteany]

Resolve 🪷

🌸🌺🌼

In a breath of fresh air, long craved,

I confront a stalemate, deliberated and braved.

Acceptance soothes wounds, as medicine to pain,

Relieved by absence, where my presence was in vain.

Beyond your walls, my refuge lies,

Unwelcome, I'll seek under different skies.

Your space perturbed, my journey denied,

Battles fought, answers reveal in high tide.

As long as my feet can tread,

Wisdom sought, no path unread,

Against dead ends, I'll forge ahead,

Sails set for new horizons, spirit led.

JI🪻

04-25-24

🌻🌷🌹

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Test Track AU (T$$ AU Masterlist)

previous /// next

@violet-prism-creatively , @whump-me , @pirefyrelight , @soheavyaburden , @snakebites-and-ink

[stfubunny]

early morning in sunny parks with crows sitting on the branches of tall trees

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

helpless destruction

catastrophe is a haphazard companion of a spirit

who never got a chance to feel real

if your true confessions of pain aren't believed

how can you claim its authentic to others

when one absorbs the shame of a thousand shameless acts

it's rather difficult to trust your own perspective

catastrophe has a way to convincing even the most

reluctant of believers into begging for a grace

that even the merciful angels are contracted to ignore

trust is a process between two people who take risks

trust can be given by the cognitive mind

but the body has a way of remembering sabotage

and the mind notices patterns of like feelings

so trust goes beyond our consciousness

you did tell me you didn't trust me

and you proved that to be true, didn't you?

I don't blame you for it

life doesn't always give us many reasons to have faith

especially during a time where we are learning

all sorts of painful lessons in the darkness

hypervigilance allows you to read a person in a way

that reveals feelings in micro expressions and gestures

but I'm no longer hypervigilant

the spectrum of my thinking allows me to take in

every inch of detail in a situation or a person

but I will no longer respond to subtext

if you cannot own your own passion than

someone will own it for you

if you discard an honest heart

do not blame it for biting the hand that wrote lies

about what kind of beat it keeps in love

I may not be paid to act in roles to entertain

but I do have a choice in which roles I play in life

the world is my stage just as it is yours

and if you make all your choices subconsciously

you never learn the path to your own destruction

or how to redeem your own good graces

and make the best moves in a game

that is meant to serve you

not the other way around

[cairoscene]

thinking about bruce training his kids. thinking about bruce as a teenager and a young adult training with the world's best and how that meant a lot of the time suffering daily pain and abuses for the sake of becoming the best. thinking about bruce passing along none of the abuse but all of the skill to his kids. learning how to teach better than he was taught. looking at dick and then jason and then tim etc and knowing that he can't hurt them the way he was hurt. wondering if that will underprepare them, if they will be weaker bc he himself is too weak to do it. thinking about bruce being a strict teacher still. he pushes them to be better, uncompromising, unsympathetic, but still training them in his own way, not in the way he was taught. thinking about bruce realizing his kids are better than him, will be better than him. despite all the times he fucked up, despite the things he couldn't spare them, the things he thought were too important to overlook.

[a-lex-ithymia]

The nightly struggle of, do I try to meditate and maybe manage 4h of consecutive sleep, or do I beat up the blorbos in the brain theatre until I doze off

[lemememeringue]

still don't understand what to Do to "sit with the discomfort" so I've just been imagining myself, the ghost of my childhood trauma, and the blorbofication of my mental illness walking down from the brain to the chest cavity and sticking our hands into the black sludge rapidly coating my beating heart and channeling healing golden energy into the black heart until the sludge slows down to an ooze. and then we go back up to the brain and I put the kids to bed.

[roosterbruiser]

How do y’all have TGM dreams??? Because all I get are scary ass dreams LMAO

BITCH ME TOO!!

or like hyper-realistic dreams of me doing very normal things like dying my hair or getting a new phone or buying a new t shirt LMAO

[litchiteany]

Metamorphosis of Love

🦋

In our hearts' garden, love takes flight,

As butterflies, in vibrant hues of dawn’s soft light.

Each choice, a dance, as butterflies in trance,

Echoes through time, shaping fate's elegant advance.

Do you wish to vanish, a whispered breath?

Or embrace change's dance, defying death?

Like butterflies emerging from cocoon's gloom,

We too evolve, under night's silver moon.

Fear not the winds of change that blow,

Guiding us where we're meant to go.

Let love's essence birth, let it bloom and grow,

In shimmering hues, life's ebb and flow.

Do not miss life's sweet, enchanting song,

Join me in our destiny, where we belong.

Let our wings soar, high above,

Embracing change with boundless love.

JI

03-31-24

[party-gilmore]

And thus begins the overly anxious lead up and transition into the Day That It Is Very Important Not To Eat Or Drink via the annual “Overthink Everything The Day Before And Doubt Yourself And Start Feeling Guilty Because You’re Already Sure You’re Going To Fail Because You Have No Self Control When It Comes To Consumption And You’re Considering Tweaking Your Fast Plan To Allow For Water Based On The (Mental) Illness But Then You Swing Back Into Heavier Guilt Because You Aren’t Even Sure It IS Mental Illness Rather Than Just Your Analytical Brain Looking For Excuses To Make It Not As Hard And You’re Just Really Starting To Feel Like You Just Kind Of Suck. As A Person. Fundamentally. That You Can’t Even Do This One Thing Right. Then Get A Boost Of Defiant Energy And Decide To Just Chug Water Like Dry Potting Soil And Piss Like Racehorse All Day While Pretending You’re Not Terrified That You’re Going To Abysmally Fail Your Own Expectations Of Yourself” tradition.

Haha WELP. At least they were right! That soul sure CAN afflicted!,!

[chron0ph0bia]

you parents constantly telling u the shit that you've been trying to unlearn surely is smth

[ev3rythingbootifvl]

She can only understand so much

She can only be here for this much

We can’t all be too good and too perfect

Learning to accept the painful parts but never forget the good chapters

The most overwhelmingly sad thing im going to have to accept in life is that i cannot expect my favorite people to be perfect all the time. Theyre eventually going to fuck up, i will eventually get my feelings hurt, and who i think of them as, in my head is different than how they think of themselves as well as how they think of me.

Ill have to accept that maybe i love them more, thats okay even though i dont think so right now. But the real goal is to…. Be at peace with reality, be adaptable to changes, never expect too much from someone especially being careful with the labels we give them to define the relationships we have with them and our dynamics.

So goodbye to the version of my people i have always known and hello to the version they are showing me.

Goodbye to the version of myself that always wants to see the best in people and ignored the worst parts until she couldnt anymore.

Goodbye to addressing issues months and years later and not in the moment

Goodbye to suppressing my emotions in the moment.

Goodbye to not forgiving myself for not knowing or having the tools to guide myself with unconditional love, protection, patience, mercy and peace.

Goodbye to people not treating me how i know i should be treated.

Goodbye to not trusting myself to stand tall and speak clearly with conviction.

Goodbye to not calling out haters who are slick and not confronting then or putting them in their place with love.

Goodbye to everyone whos time is overdue in my life.

Everyone is just a person. They are all just people, and the attachment to them is only fleeting. Enjoy people for the moment, the chapter, the season they are here for. Detach from your expectations of them and let them be who they want to be. Thats a perspective from reality. That people are here for seasons and to teach us lessons. But it doesnt invalidate the love, happiness, and heart felt moments youve experienced. Its just the way life is. Now its time to focus on your new chapter. So never invalidate your feelings, allow them to flow, but also be willing to see different perspectives, points of views, and most of all reality.

[archvillain]

and what's truly fucking awful is that tales of the borderlands had a really fucking good ending. it had an amazing ending with a big fat open-to-sequels teaser that makes you go WHERE IS TALES 2!!! and then they pull some wacky ass bullshit like this because they can't keep their offices open, they can't keep their writers employed, and they can't! stop! printing! mids!

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

elderberry phantom

you are a good person and a good friend

that's all I need to know to love you

where you put me in your life doesn't really matter

as long as I get to be there and we get to talk

no matter what we name it beyond a point

it always remains a love between two people

just a different vessel to contain it

life is more sorrowful without you

but also I have to trust you to know

you own feelings because I can't know them

usually I can guess them pretty well

but I didn't pick up those skills in places

where I felt safe and deserving

if I must go I will go

your silence was an answer

I listened and faded away

[mechawolfie]

im like in a bad mood today. i mean I'm often in a bad mood but this one I'm like can everyone just leave me alone. only interact w me if ur going to bash me over the head w a hammer. otherwise? we have no business together