#messages unsent

[thestarkerisobvious]

“You said it was sensitive… here…” Peter said as gently as he could, trying to pretend he hadn’t been dreaming about this for years. He placed his fingers gingerly on the edge, two fingers on the reactor itself, two fingers on skin.

Then he looked up and tried to use his best ‘innocent’ eyes. “I wasn’t sure what that meant.”

Tony shuddered, his eyes fluttered shut, and his lips parted. Peter had seen that look before, but only during sex, when the pleasure was too much. Tony opened his eyes and looked at Peter. He reached his fingertip down next to the boy’s hand. “Here,” he traced the narrow line of white scar tissue around the arc reactor’s housing, “is sensitive.” He took Peter’s finger and showed him. “And here.” He moved the boy’s finger to the smooth unmarked skin. “But here…” He shuddered again. “Where they meet. Where the sensation blends…”

“In a good way?” 

He bit his lips trying to keep the words in. All he could do was nod in assent. He swallowed. “Yes,” he finally admitted. 

He took Peter’s fingers and placed them on the arc reactor itself. He closed his eyes again. “I know I can’t feel it. But I feel it.” His breath hitched. “You don’t mind this?”

“Mind it? Tony, it’s beautiful. I’m… and I’m not just saying this because I’m a big science geek… I mean I want it known I was on a freaking spaceship and also another planet and… Tony, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“It’s a beautiful, precise, work of engineering. Something I created. But… nothing more than a machine,” he said, rather flatly, as if repeating someone else’s words...

[zombiewizzard]

actually i dont want to know . sorry for bringing it up i was experiencing intrusive thoughts <3

[onehundredfallenpetals]

I'm late but here's my piece for 11/20, I had a lot of fun with the concept

[alwayshaveandialwayswill]

“we don’t talk. i still dream about you.”

[creatinganewwlife]

The loss of you has paralysed me. I needed you to stay. I need you.

-28/02/24// 9:20AM

[sakura-hayashii]

dear person reading this,

i just want you to know... if you think about it… the sun rises and the sun sets… every single day… but they both have a different amount of time that they presently exist in… just like life… you have to go through your own sunrises and sunsets… life will always have its time of light and darkness… there are feelings and phases… and events in our life are somewhat like seasons… sometimes the darkness will far outweigh the light… but other times the light will predominate the darkness… everyone goes through those moments of feeling like we’re the only person who exists in this world… left all alone… this feeling of loneliness… and never being able to explain it… and tired of trying to because people dont seem to understand… so youre left feeling empty and alone... but youre not… you have people around you who have been through similar… often trying to find someone who can listen and understand them just like you are… there are people who are willing to sit and listen… willing to stand by your side… willing to just be there and support you as you grow… youre the only one who can change yourself… but there are always people who are willing to help and cheer you on… you just gotta find them… being dependent on yourself is good… but you eventually start craving things… like having a good conversation with someone and connecting on passions… or the intimacy of literally just a hug… or even trying new things… i wanna do everything on my own but i cant… thats not how the world works… cause no matter what… there will always be at least one person waiting for you to come to them and ask for help… YOU ARE WORTHY AND LOVED AND THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOURE GOING THROUGH… sometimes reaching out for help or just a conversation also helps the other person… you never know… you just might change their life… and they might change yours.

- S.H.

[theloulouge]

[herhurthoneyheart]

Sometimes, I still have to take a deep breath and remind myself that not everyone will break me like you did..

[baflegacy]

unsent - amanda & angela

[thestarkerisobvious]

So... lets talk about Messages.

That would be the 5-book series, novel length story written by the late @von--gelmini and myself. You know, the one with sex that goes on for multiple chapters, because thats just how we roll.

YES that's the one where Peter gets to touch the arc reactor and Tony lets him with - well with sexy results. Four chapters worth.

HE had the brialliant idea of ending the whole thing - marking "finished" on the title page - with "The Cold." There was a LOT more that came after that, but by FINISHING the project (at least part one) we could put more focus on other things that we wanted to write.

And that was a good idea. It resolved at least one of the many threads, and left them in a happy place. (Oh, and several chapters of sex. Because why not?)

So... this is what we need to talk about...

...there's more.

Like... quite a bit more. Like the last book - it was going to be called "The Opposite Of Cold" and, well, it exists. It's very raw, and a mess, and needs a LOT of cleanup and some parts that I don't think I can write because they were specifically the parts Von was going to write (specifically, a description of Tony zooming through NYC in his suit) but all the sex is there. And there's a lot of it.

and...

....I think I want to start publishing some of it.

[les-gay-jpg-blog]

I think I fell in love with what we could be, what I wanted us to be, not what we are.

[mortlebttrd]

Whispers Behind Walls

In shadows deep, my heart does weep, A fortress built, my secrets keep. For once I gave my trust away, And watched it crumble, day by day.

The wounds still fresh, the scars still ache, A heavy burden, hard to shake. Afraid to open up again, To let another soul within.

Yet deep within this fortress wall, A flicker of hope, however small. For though I fear to take the leap, I long for love, I long to keep.

So brick by brick, I'll tear it down, This fortress built on shaky ground. With patience, faith, and gentle care, Perhaps, one day, I'll find love there.

But until then, I'll tread with care, And guard my heart from further snare. For trust is earned, not given free, And I'll protect what's left of me.

-unknown.

[earnestlyn]

texts i never got to send:

It’s currently 01:47am, you’d be fast asleep by now, I can’t. Like always, a 100 things are racing in my mind right now; you occupying 99 of them. I just wanted to know, when you said that I could still text you whenever, do you still mean it? Because, I miss waking up just to text you good morning. I miss being able to expect you in the most unexpected times. I miss hearing your voice through my phone. It’s as though that’s its sole purpose. I miss talking to you, I find it harder to do that with anyone else now. I want to text you. Do you still mean it? When you said it?

- n

[bittersweet-t3aya]

I believe I will always think of the two-hour drive, the nerves sitting in the parking lot waiting for you to come into view, our awkward first words, the chocolate you bought me, how we sat on the floor to watch The Nice Guys before moving onto the bed twenty minutes in, the tea and lemonade I’d brought to share, your roommate coming back in a few times, the call you took from your grandmother, the kisses we shared, walking past the local carnival to go get dinner, the gorgeous sunset that I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to photograph, and our first kiss goodbye.

I will think on all of these things fondly. All of these things I will remember when I hear this song.

You loved this band. You’re how I found it.

I do hope you’re doing better.

[creatinganewwlife]

हसता ज़माना मेरे आसुओं पे इश्क़ था मेरा, ��ा कोई तमाशा

//

Hasta zamana mere aasuon pe

Ishq tha mera, na koi tamasha

[sakura-hayashii]

02.23.24 - 2:12 am

“you know… sometimes if i close my eyes and concentrate hard enough… i can still hear your voice calling out to me.” she starts. “please, dont–” she doesnt let him finish. “sometimes im glad that i remember the sound of your voice… it brings me comfort during the times i need it the most. but other than those times, i wish i never knew what the sound of your voice was to begin with. i still hear you calling my name… but in the the way you used to say it, the way that made me believe in love. but now every time i hear my name… my heart knows its no longer the same.” “i dont understand… why?” he says as he looks down. it was almost as if he was talking to himself. “because you rarely called me by my name. you would always call me love or baby… but rarely by my actual name. but when you called me by my name… you made me feel like i just won the lottery. you would shout my name out as you ran toward me after not seeing each other in a while… each time it would make my heart burst with joy. you would chant my name out loud for all to hear when you were proud of me… each time my heart would burst with joy. you would gasp my name when we were laughing so hard we were crying and could no longer breathe… each time my heart would burst with joy. you would repeat my name in a sing-song voice when you had good news to tell me… each time my heart would burst with joy. but my favorite time you would say my name was when i pretended to be asleep. you would tuck my hair behind my ear and kiss my forehead… then whisper “i love you sakura,” and my heart would burst with joy… each and every time.” she forces out. she swallows the lump in her throat as she holds herself back from choking on her tears. “so what happens when i say your name now… sakura?” he murmurs while avoiding eye contact. but she could already see it in his eyes, the desperation of trying to hold in his tears. she smiles a little to herself, knowing that the things she was sharing were getting through to him. “my heart just burst… but no longer with joy–” “so now… whenever i hear my name, it no longer holds the same meaning that it once did. its the name of someone who no longer exists… its the name of someone who was happily in love. so now… all i hear when i hear my name is you saying “i cant do this any more sakura.” but instead of my heart bursting, my heart breaks a little more and more each time.” “im sorry sakura.” he looks up at her with tears in his eyes. she nods her head and turns away before he can read her eyes.

“yeah… that one too… i hear that sometimes, too.” she says then walks away. he cant see her face, but he can hear it in her voice. the sound of her tears. but the loudest sound he could hear was the sound of her heart breaking as it shattered in her chest all over again.

- S.H. // things ive never said #9 (via 2amthoughts)