#mom would you wash my back this once and then we can forget and i’ll leave what i’m chasing for the other girls to pursue

[raynes-payne]

I want my mom back. Not the woman her bf turned her into.

[spooky-salesman]

.(ventundercut)

There is no greater pain than opening your vent book and seeing all the dried tear stains. And the fact that your still crying over the same people who are supposed to look after you.

[half-oz-eddie]

🎁 ❤️

Max was not supposed to be in Billy’s room. She knew better. 

But it was 7:30 AM and she really wanted to leave something for him on his desk. 

She quietly crept in, sliding her slim frame through the ajar door and tiptoed to his desk to gently place something on it. 

“The hell’re you doing?” A groggy voice startled her. 

She should’ve expected the hyper-vigilant teen to wake up while she was there. 

“I was—I just wanted t-to leave something here for you.” She nervously stammered. 

He narrowed his sleepy eyes at her. “Give it here.” 

Max slowly walked over, handing the surprise to Billy. 

It slowly exchanged hands and Billy examined it closely. 

“I-I know you don’t have a record player but I saw the posters in your room and I thought you’d want to—like—have something to collect. So Steve drove me to a record store to get you a vinyl.”

He stared at the Mötley Crüe vinyl for a few moments, then handed it back to Max. “Put it on my desk.” He said as he laid back down. 

“Y-you don’t like it?” She frowned. 

“Never said I didn’t. I’m just tired.”

Max slowly walked back over to his desk and set the vinyl down. 

“Why’d you buy that for me?” He asked. 

“Don’t you know what today is? It’s your—“

“I know that.” He said in a snippy voice. “I’m asking why the hell you bought me anything. You never cared before.”

“Well, last year, I tried to buy you something with my allowance and my mom said Neil would be mad if I used my money on you, so she wouldn’t take me to the mall.”

“And you said Harrington drove you? Why the hell did he do that?” Billy continued to question.

“We had a long talk about that night at the Byers and we came to a realization of how unfair we were being to you. So I—I didn’t wanna lose you forever. We don’t get along but like, we had our moments, where we’d talk to each other a little bit. Now we don’t speak at all.”

“You stabbed me with a needle.”

“You were gonna kill Steve if I didn’t stop you.” Max sighed. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“You don’t need to be. But whatever, guess I’m sorry too.”

Max smiled.  “I’ll let you sleep. Happy birthday.”

She closed the door behind her upon exiting and went back to her bed.

It was nearly 11AM when Max woke up again. Neil and Susan were already at work. Susan left a note behind with instructions for heating up lunch. 

This year, there was no school on Billy’s birthday, so Max decided to heat up the lunch for both of them. 

She set down two plates just in time, as she heard Billy resurfacing from his room.

He stepped through the quiet house and stopped by the table, glaring at Max.

“Nobody’s home?”

“No. Mom left lunch for us, so I heated it up.”

Billy looked down at the chicken Parmesan. Susan normally only made it for holidays, but Easter wasn’t until Sunday. 

Max figured it was Susan’s subtle way of giving Billy a little something special for his birthday.

“There were some breadsticks too.” Max mentioned, grabbing them out of the toaster oven. “I put some of that garlic and herb stuff on them because I remembered that you like it.”

Billy glared at Max as she started eating. 

“What?” She asked with her mouth half full.

Billy shrugged and rolled his eyes. “Nothin’. Forget it.” 

They ate in complete silence. Billy finished first and got up from the table without a word.

Max didn’t expect much conversation from Billy, but he wasn’t as unpleasant as he could’ve been, so it was fine.

She washed the dishes and sat back down at the table reading a magazine when Billy returned once more with his jacket on.

“C’mon.”

“Where’re we going?”

“Somewhere. I can’t leave you here by yourself. Susan and dad would bitch about it.”

Max grabbed her jacket and slipped on some shoes, then followed Billy to his car.

The drive was brief and they stopped at the quarry.

To Max’s surprise, Billy invited her to sit on the hood of his car. He offered her a soda and cracked open a beer for himself.

They clinked their cans together and drank as they quietly watched the early afternoon scenery. 

“It’s surprisingly warm today.” Max initiated small talk. 

“I think the groundhog saw its shadow—or didn’t see its shadow—or whichever meant a late winter.”

“It’s…when he sees his shadow.” She paused. “I think.”

Billy snorted. “Why are we listening to a big ass rodent about the weather anyway?”

Max softly giggled. “Tradition, I guess.”

“Yeah, well, it’s stupid.” He mumbled in response as he brought the beer can to his lips.

Silence returned again, and Billy glanced over at Max.

“So y’said Harrington drove you to the record store. That’s like…across town.”

“I wasn’t alone with him, if that’s what you’re worried about. Dustin and Lucas went too.”

Billy quickly responded with a scoff. “What’s so great about Harrington anyway? You defended him over me that night—“

“Is that what made you so upset?”

“No. But you defended him and I’m asking about it.”

“Well, he’s really nice. He looks after all my friends, everyone around town knows him and his family—“

“So he’s just the opposite of me.”

“W—I—I mean, you’re nice sometimes. You’ve been nice to me 4 times and I remember them all.”

Billy shrugged. “Yeah. Anyway, thanks for the gift, shitbird.”

“You better get me something nice for my birthday too!”

“When is it again? April…may…tember…”

“July.” She snapped.

Billy laughed. “I know when your birthday is, don’t be such a baby.”

“I’m not.” She fired back. “You’re just a jerk.”

“And?”

Max scoffed. “You’re so lucky it’s your birthday or I’d—“

“You’d what?”

Max chugged her soda and tossed the empty can at Billy.

“You piece of shit. You’re dead!”

Max jumped off the hood of Billy’s car and ran off laughing, with Billy not too far behind. 

When Billy finally caught up to Max, he chugged his beer and tossed the can at Max.

The out of breath siblings glared at one another, before their expressions softened and they began to laugh.

“Hey, d’you wanna go to the movies or something?” Max offered. “I’ll buy you popcorn.”

“And I get to pick the movie?”

Max groaned. “Fine.”

“You know I pick better movies than you do, anyway.”

“Bullshit! Your movie choices suck ass!”

The two bickered all the way back to Billy’s car. Sure, this was a nice day, but Billy couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t stop thinking about Steve Harrington driving his little sister across town to get him a gift.

‘Maybe I should thank him too…’

[yourlastbraincell-kiwi]

A/N: I was asked by the lovely @tommysaxes to make part two to my other Henry Danger one shot, here it is.

I hope you enjoy!

Warning: may or may not be typos!

Pairing: Henry Hart x fem!reader

After what happened the other day, I had stayed locked and huddled up in my room. Dings that turned to vibrants after I silenced my phone.

Message after message. Call after call. I couldn’t hear it any longer.

Thoughts and ideas running and racing through my head.

‘Did I overreact??’

‘Should I respond to him? Visit him maybe?’

‘No! I had every right to react that way!’

‘Or was I..?’

All these thoughts kept bouncing against the inner lining of my head, until I heard a knock at the door. All my thoughts had calmed themselves, as I got up and opened the door a bit.

“Yeah?”

“Hey, sorry to bother, but you’ve been in here for a while. Do you wanna talk?” My mom offered.

“No, I’m okay.”

“You sure?” She asked and I nodded my head ‘yes,’ in confirmation. Getting the gist she told me that she’d be out running errands, and to call if need be.

After she left I closed and locked the door behind her and let out a breath, I didn’t know I was holding in.

I trudged up the stairs and was going to crawl into bed when I heard, something repeatedly hitting the window pane.

My brows furrow in confusion, I held my position and listened. Waiting to see if it would continue, and that it did. Like little pebbles hitting the glass almost.

After it wouldn’t stop I stood up and abruptly opened my window to see what it was, only for me to get hit in the forehead with a pebble.

“Ow!”

Jaspers face went wide, and shoved the pebbles into Charlotte’s hands. “That was Char!” Jasper exclaimed, as she gave him a look.

“No, it wasn’t!” She replied and they both started to bicker back and forth.

“Hey! Can you guys just stop? If that’s what you guys came here to do, then you wasted your time and mine.” I said, before pulling my head from out the window.

“Wait! Wait! We really need to talk to you.”

I huffed and sighed, “What about?”

“You weren’t returning our calls.” Jasper said.

“My phone is dead.” I said, and he proceeded to shake his head and call my phone. I purposely, hit the hang up button. “Hey!”

“My finger slipped. Is that all you had to say?”

“No! We really want you to know how sorry Henry is.” Charlotte said, and I shook my head in response, not wanting to hear her.

Yeah, Henry did forgot about our one year, it hurt. Bad. But I still love him, with every fiber of my being, and not talking to him or seeing everyday is hurting me. If not more than him even forgetting about the anniversary.

“Please, just.. Come to the Man-Cave. Only if you want to.”

“If she wants? We need her to come, or Henry will-” Char having enough hit his shoulder.

“What’s at the Man-Cave?” I asked. “Just stop by when you’re ready. It’ll all make sense later.” She said they finally left. I closed my window and turned around examining my entire room.

Without knowing what else to do I dialed my mom’s phone, and called her.

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong, honey?”

“I just.. I need your advice.”

Once I explained what happened to my mom, she helped me with deciding on what to do, and I was going to visit the Man-Cave. I took a shower and washed my face, wanting to look nice.

After changing, I started my walk to Junk N’ Stuff to see what they had in store for me at the Man-Cave.

I looked at the store to see that it had a closed sign on it, which surprised me cause it was really early in the day for it to close.

I walked into the store with confusion written all over my face, and let the door close behind me. I proceeded to walk to the back of the store and get into the elevator.

I closed my eyes tight and held onto the railing of the elevator trying not to fall on the ground like I did before.

Surprisingly the second time around on the elevator, I didn’t fall, but my knees did buckle a little, upon reaching the ground floor.

I’ll take that over brushed bones any day.

I stepped out of the elevator and looked around the lights were dimmed no one was in the Man Cave, it looked like.

“Hello? Hellllo?” I called out, wanting to see if anybody was home, but I sighed and huffed upon getting no reply back. I turned on my heel ready to leave.

“Wait!” Henry replied at the top of the stairs, before jogging down them.

“Henry, what is all this? What happened to the lights? Did Ray forget to pay the light bill?”

“No!” He replied before quickly adding, “Maybe.. Okay, wait. Please don’t leave, I have something to show you.”

“Henry..” I started, but he looked at me with pleading eyes and I couldn’t say ‘no,’ “Fine, I’ll stay.”

He smiled then told me to sit down at the round table, I listened and sat down, watching Henry take the seat in front of me.

He took a bell out of his pocket and rung it, and someone came out dressed up in suit and tie, that person being Jasper.

“Jasper? What are you doing?”

“I am to..uh.. Henry, what am I here for again?” He asked, in a hushed voice, but still loud enough for me to hear it.

“You’re our waiter, Jasper. Did you bring out any menus?”

“You didn’t give tell me that, Hen.” He admitted, and Henry started to get visibly nervous.

“Well, what do you suggest?” Henry asked and Jasper let out and ‘uh’ sound as he thought about it.

“Well there’s this place down the road with killer burgers, but there’s also this place with really good nachos and-”

“I’ll take it from here, Jasper.” Charolette said as she gently pushed Jasper again. “We don’t have menu’s but I can suggest that you have today’s special.”

“What’s the special?” I ask, wanting to play along, I was already there so, why not? It took her a bit but she replied with spaghetti tacos.

“Spaghetti tacos?” I ask, confused and she nodded her head. “That sounds good, but I’d like one of those steaks Henry’s always talking about.” I said, and Char looked over at Henry, they probably weren’t expecting me to ask for it.

“Perfect! We’ll take two.” He said and she nods, then leaves.

“Henry, can we please talk?”

“Not before the entertainment!” He said and rung the bell again and Schowz comes out in his clown outfit.

“Schowz?”

“I am not Schowz, I’m Pippy the Clown!” He exclaimed. “Want to see a magic trick?”

“Sure, why not?”

He took out a deck of cards and fanned it out, and told me to pick one. I took one looked at it and put it back in a random spot of the deck.

He put them back into the deck and took out a random card. “Is this your card?” I shook my head ‘no.’

“This one?” I shook my head again, and he kept trying to guess it, but Henry cleared his throat knowing he was never going to guess it correctly.

“How about a balloon animal, Pippy?” He asked, more annoyed than when Schowz started the act.

He nodded, tossing the deck of cards over his shoulder and took out the balloons. “What kind of animal do you want, little girl?”

“Not a little girl, but how about a dog?” He smiled and begins to make the animal, or tried to at least. He twisted, turned, and tried to form the balloon animal but ended up making something that didn’t quite resemble a dog.

A for effort though.

“Thank you, Pippy. I think we’ve seen enough.” He nods and honks his horn before leaving us alone.

“Henry, we really need to talk.

“Not after-” He started to ring the bell, but took his hand to stop him mid shake of the wrist.

“Henry! Stop, please.” He sighed and apologized.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I just wanted tonight to hopefully make up for what happened the other day.”

“I’m sorry too, for the way I acted and everything. Walking away and refusing to talk to you, it hurt not getting a good morning or good night text every day.” I said, he laughed and I smiled.

“I apologize for missing our one year, that was never my intention. I know we’ll never get it back, but I can promise you; every one after will be better than the last.” He stated, determination in his eyes.

“I have no doubt about that. I forgive you, Henry.” He smiled wide, as we stood up and hugged each other tight, till the point where we heard crying in the background.

It was Ray crying, nose running as he waved his little handkerchief around. “Bravo! Bravo!” I shook my head and laughed.

‘I don’t know how I survived, but I definitely did miss these guys..’

[jule1122]

Malex Fic - Love will get you there

Made with a day to spare!  This is my March fic for @alexguerinappreciation.  I choose the spotlight of Alex’s canon relationships.  I consider this a Malex fic because that is where we end up, but this is both pre canon and post canon so I write about Alex’s family, his relationship with Maria and Forrest on the way to Malex’s happy ending. 

It’s a 5 +1  about 5 times Alex wanted to change his name before the one time he finally does it.  Warnings for canon child abuse.

If you hate Maria or Forrest, please don’t read this.  Also if you really like Jim Valenti, you may not like how I wrote him.

Love will get you there on AO3

Summary: Alex was never much of a Manes man or 5 times Alex thought about changing his name and 1 time he did 

Title is from an Inhaler song.

I am going to put the whole fic behind the cut because it opens with Jesse being abusive.  Nothing graphic but I wanted to give an extra warning.

1.

“What did I tell you?”  Jesse leans in close to Alex’s face.  He doesn’t yell, he doesn’t need to.

“Don’t leave toys on the floor,” Alex sniffs.  His dad tightens his hold on Alex’s shirt.  “Sir,” Alex adds quickly before his dad can hit him again.

“I won’t warn you again, Alex.  Next time there will be real consequences.”

Alex tries to wiggle out of Jesse’s hold.  His back is sore from where his father used his belt.  Just thinking what will happen if he forgets to clean up again makes him start crying again.  He tries to hold back his tears, hoping his father won’t notice and ends up hiccuping.

“Manes men don’t cry,”  Jesse shakes Alex roughly before pushing him away.  “You're confined to your room for the rest of the evening.  Maybe some time alone will help you remember how to behave.”

Alex runs to his room, he wants to slam the door but he knows if he does his father will follow him and punish him again.  Instead, he hides between his bed and the wall and cries silently.  Once he calms down, he takes his camping bag from his closet and begins filling it with clothes.

“What are you doing, dork,” Clay asks from the doorway.

Alex startles and wipes his eyes before turning to face his brother.  Clay is almost as mean as his father, and he’s afraid to let him see him cry.  “I’m leaving.  I’m going to live with Mom.”

“Mom doesn’t want you, dummy.  She doesn’t want any of us.”

“That’s not true,” Alex insists.  He doesn’t yell even though he wants to because he doesn’t want his dad to hear him.  “If I tell her Dad hurt me, she’ll come get me.”

“No, she won’t,” Clay tells him.  “She’s been gone almost a year, and she hasn’t called once.  She’s not going to help you.  Even if she wanted to, Dad would find you and bring you back.  Manes men stick together, remember.”

“I don’t want to be a Manes man,” Alex says miserably.  He hates being a Manes, he hates all the rules.  Manes men don’t cry or laugh too loud or sing.  Manes men don’t waste their time watching cartoons or playing with girls.  He hates all of it.

“Grandpa will hide me.  I’ll change my name so people will know I belong with Grandpa, and  Dad won’t find me because I won’t be a Manes,”  Alex nods, confident he’s solved the problem.  

“You’re so stupid.  You’ll embarrass Grandpa just like you embarrass Dad.  He’d bring you back himself just to get rid of you.” Clay shakes his head.  “You’re a Manes, Alex, whether you like it or not.   You need to start acting like one before you bring all of us down.”

Alex turns away from Clay and ignores him until he leaves.  He takes everything out of his bag and puts it back, not bothering to wipe the tears from his face since there was no one to see him.  Clay’s right.  No one wants him so he’s stuck being a Manes.

2.

Alex kicks his feet against the edge of the exam room table until his father glares at him, and he goes back to sitting perfectly still.  He can hear the doctor explaining his restrictions and medication dosages to Jesse as the nurse adjusts his sling.  Alex lets the words wash over him, his dad will probably make him take the sling off as soon as they get in the car, and he won’t be giving Alex any pain meds.

It wasn’t like this was the first time Jesse had separated Alex’s shoulder so he’s used to the pain.  In the past, they’d always put it back in at home, but this time Jesse couldn’t get it to pop back into place.  He kept trying until Alex was throwing up from the pain, and then he finally drove Alex to the emergency room.

“Now Mr. Manes, I need you to step out of the room for a few minutes.”

“Sergeant Manes,” Jesse corrects the doctor.  “And if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to take my son home now.  He’s fine, there’s no reason to keep fussing.”

“Sergeant Manes,” the doctor begins again.  Alex almost smiles because he could hear the eye roll in the doctor’s voice.  “It’s procedure, which I’m sure you understand.  If you’ll just follow me, I can get you started on the discharge paperwork, and you’ll be on your way shortly.”  

Jesse stops in front of Alex on his way out.  “I’ll be right outside, Alex.”

Alex knows he’s pretending to be concerned, making sure the doctor thinks he cares.  He tightens his hand on Alex’s good shoulder enough to hurt.  It’s a warning to remind Alex that Jesse expects Alex to behave as if he’s in the room. Alex nods to let him know he understands.

“Alex,” the nurse directs his attention back to her once Jesse is gone.  “There is someone we’d like you to talk to.  Remember this is a safe space.  It’s ok to tell the truth.”

Sheriff Valenti comes in through a door opposite of where Jesse had left.  He follows the nurse into the corner, away from Alex, but the room is small, and Alex can still hear everything they say.

“He came in with a separated shoulder,”  the nurse begins.

“Alex is from an active family. Four boys, lots of roughhousing,” Jim interrupts.

“His x-ray showed scar tissue in the joint.  This isn’t the first time this has happened, and we also saw evidence of older untreated injuries.  I’m sure you understand why we’re concerned, Sheriff.” 

“I’ll talk to him.  Alone please.”

“Of course,” the nurse replies before leaving.

Jim walks to the foot of Alex’s bed.  “How are you feeling?

“Fine, sir.”  Alex isn’t lying.  They gave him a shot before they reset his shoulder, and he feels good.  Tired but not in pain.

“You want to tell me what happened, son?”

Alex used to pretend Jim Valenti was his father.  When Jesse really started hurting him, he imagined the Sheriff rescuing him and taking Alex home and promising Alex that he wouldn’t let Jesse hurt him anymore.  Then he’d admit that he was Alex’s real father, that he’d kept it a secret, but he would tell the truth to protect Alex.  He would let Alex live at his house, and Alex and Kyle would be brothers for real.

He would close his eyes and imagine Jesse showing up to take him back, and Jim stopping him.  He would stand in the doorway with his hand on Alex’s shoulder and tell Jesse, “Alex is a Valenti now.  You can’t hurt him anymore.  Don’t ever come back here again or I’ll have to arrest you.”

It’s a stupid dream, Alex knows that, but maybe it’s because Jim called him son that he decides to tell the truth.  “It was my dad,” he says.  “He was mad at me and this was my punishment.”

The Sheriff looks sad for a minute, and Alex thinks this is it - Jim will take him home, and he’ll finally be safe.  Maybe his dad will even go to jail, and he’ll be too afraid to even talk to Alex again.

Then he takes a step back and when he looks at Alex, he’s serious - not like Kyle’s dad, but like when Alex has seen him working.

“Alex, are you sure that’s what happened?  That is a serious accusation, and if you tell me that is what happened, I’ll have to let your father know what you said,” he says it kindly, but Alex knows it’s as much of a threat as Jesse’s shoulder squeeze had been.   “It’s easy to get confused when you are in pain,” the Sheriff continues.   “Maybe you are mixing up the pain you felt when your dad tried to help you with when you were injured.”

“You’re right,” Alex says flatly, the last of his dreams of rescue vanishing.  “I was fooling around with my brothers on the training course, and that’s how I hurt my shoulder.  My dad tried to fix it, and that hurt too.  I must have been confused.”

“That’s what I thought,” Jim sounds proud, and it makes Alex want to cry.  “Thanks for clearing that up.  You’ll be able to go home soon.”

Jim starts to leave, but he turns back to hug Alex carefully.  “You’re strong, Alex,” he whispers. “And nothing lasts forever.  Remember that.”

He does leave then, and Alex gets up to follow him, to ask him why he acts like he cares, but won’t help him, but he hears his father’s voice outside the door.

“What are you doing here, Jim?” Jesse asks.

“The hospital called in a suspicious injury.  You’re lucky I got the call and not one of my deputies.”

“How I discipline my son is no one’s business.  I don’t care what some bleeding heart doctor thinks.”

“I know that, Jesse,” Jim tries to calm him.  “But I can’t always be around to cover for you.”

“I’m not going to coddle him like you do your son.  Alex is a Manes.  He needs to toughen up.  Until he figures that out, he can take whatever punishment he deserves.”

“Just keep him out of the hospital and there won’t be a problem.”

Alex hears Jim walk away, and he’s back on the table, expression blank by the time his father opens the door.

3.

Alex doesn’t see Maria the day after Haley Moore’s party.  His penalty for taking part in Battle of the Bands is a day at his father’s mercy.  Alex cleans out the garage and runs through his father’s training course three times just to prove music doesn’t make him weak.  By the time the sun sets he is sore and exhausted and wants to die, but he’s been uncharacteristically cooperative all day so Jesse doesn’t object when Alex says he wants to shower and go to bed.

Back in his room, he picks up his phone and wonders if he should call Maria.  He knows what happens during ‘seven minutes in heaven’ doesn’t count once you leave the closet, and Maria hadn’t acted any different the rest of the night, but Alex can’t help but think about it.

It felt nice - kissing Maria, letting his hand brush across her chest.  He thinks he could do it again, and Alex never really imagined kissing a girl before.  Maybe if he could kiss Maria, be her boyfriend, his dad would back off.  Jesse doesn’t really like Maria, says she’s from bad stock - a father no one remembers and a mother who acts stranger every year.  But she’s a girl, and if Alex could love her, he wouldn’t be gay, wouldn’t be a sissy disgrace like Jesse says he is.

Alex thinks about it the rest of the night.  He tries to imagine his future with Maria. Maybe they would stay in Roswell together, and they’d still have their band and they could play at the Wild Pony once they were old enough.  Alex never thought much about having a family, but he thinks Maria would be a good mother - the kind who smiled and laughed and made kids feel loved.  He loves Maria, Alex knows that, so if he could learn to be in love with her, he could be happy, and it would be safe.

He’s still thinking about when he meets Maria at the Crashdown the next night to work on a science project.  Maria smiles at him like she always does, but she doesn’t try to hold his hand or anything.  They get their actual work done quickly, but Alex told his dad they had a lot to do so they have plenty of time to just hang out.

“Kate Long stopped by before you got here,” Maria tells him.

“I’m sorry,” Alex wrinkles his nose.  Kate is a bitch and she always gives Maria a hard time.

“Me too.  But she dropped her notebook, and I could see where she was writing ‘Kate Bernhardt’ over and over again.”

“Gross,” Alex and Maria both pretend to gag.

“No offense, Alex, but if we get married, I am not changing my name to Manes,” Maria says casually, almost like a joke.

Alex wrinkles his nose, “I’d rather be a DeLuca.”

“Alex Deluca,” Maria hums around the name as if considering it. “Mom would like that.”

“Yeah?”  Mimi is the closest person to a mother Alex has had in years.  He likes the idea of being her family officially.  “I’ll help you, you know, take care of her.”  Alex doesn’t mean only in this fantasy world where they get married, and he can tell by the way Maria’s expression softens that she understands.

“I know you will.”  She reaches across the table and squeezes his hand.  It’s not romantic but it still feels good.

Flint’s waiting for him when he gets home.  “Didn’t know girls were allowed in your kind of  closet, Alex.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  He tries to shoulder past Flint, but Flint boxes him into the corner of the room.

“Heard you spent seven minutes of heaven with Maria DeLuca.  Didn’t know you had it in you.  She put out?” Flint asks with a leer.

Alex pushes him, hard.  “Don’t talk about Maria like that.”

“Chill out,” Flint rolls his eyes and follows Alex into the bedroom.  “I just never thought I’d get to talk about girls with my sissy little brother.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Alex glares at Flint.

“Then you can shut up and listen and maybe you’ll get it right next time.”  Flint lays back in the bed, crossing his arms under his head.  “First time I did seven minutes in heaven it was with Missy Osborne.  Everyone knows she’s easy so I figured I hit the jackpot.  She let me touch her boobs, under her bra.  And God, I almost shot my load right there.  Walked around hard the rest of the night.”

Flint keeps talking but Alex tunes him out.  It hadn’t felt like that with Maria.  Kissing her felt good and safe, he would do it again, but it wasn’t like that.  Alex wonders if maybe there is something wrong with him after all.

(He feels like that with Michael.  Just brushing their hands together makes Alex’s skin tingle where they touched..  When Michael kisses him for the first time, Alex feels like his whole body is on fire.  That feeling never goes away.)

4.

Alex is walking to the store after his shift at the museum when he sees Maria scrubbing graffiti from the brick outside the Crashdown.

“Need some help?” he asks, taking a sponge from the bucket. 

“Thanks,” Maria looks up and gives him a watery smile.  “Mr. Ortecho says to leave it.  There’ll  just be more tomorrow.  But I can’t.  It’s only been a few weeks, and they just won’t stop.”

Alex nods.  He’s barely seen Maria, seen anyone since the funeral.  But he’s heard about the harassment Mr. Ortecho has been dealing with and it makes him sick.  “Sorry I haven’t been around to help.  My dad’s been on me extra hard.”

“I think all our parents are,” Maria says sadly.  “Mom only lets me come here for a few hours and wants me at home the rest of the time.”

It’s not the same at all with Jesse, but Alex just nods.

“I can’t believe I forgot,” Maria suddenly exclaims.  “I never asked you about museum guy.”

“Museum guy?”

“You sent me this text, ‘On my break I had the best kiss of my life’ and then nothing.  Come on Alex, you can’t leave me hanging.”

If it weren’t for her bloodshot eyes, she’d look like the Maria he’d always known.  He wonders if Maia’s been happy about anything since Rosa died, and he can’t bring himself to tell her that moment led to a different tragedy.  So he tries to remember how he felt when he sent that text, how he felt before his father destroyed it all.

Alex closes his eyes and it is easier than he expected to remember everything about that moment in the museum.  How he’d been afraid Michael was there to tell him off or beat him up, but then Michael kissed him and everything changed.  He knew, finally, who he was, knew there was someone who wanted him as he was.  It was the best moment of his life.

When Alex opens his eyes, Maria gasps as the smile on his face. “It was the most amazing kiss,” he begins.

“How amazing?”  Maria teases.

“So amazing I would stay in Roswell forever if he would just keep kissing me.”

Maria laughs, and it’s a happy sound even if they both know he’s lying.  Alex can’t stay in Roswell - the town will kill him if his father doesn’t do it first.  But it’s nice to imagine a world where Michael is enough to change all that.

“Who is it?” Maria asks.

“I can’t,” Alex’s smile dims.  He already failed Michael by not keeping him a secret, he won’t do it again.  “He’s not out.  I can’t tell you.”

Maria nods.  “But he’s good to you, right?”

“He’s perfect,” and Alex means it.  When it’s just him and Michael, he’s happier than he ever imagined he could be.  He already feels Michael slipping away when they’re apart, and he can’t blame him.  Michael was hurt because of him, because Alex wasn’t careful, because he couldn’t protect him.  

But Alex is clinging to the future he wants for them despite his father’s threats and pressure to enlist.  Michael has a scholarship.  If he gets out of Roswell, Alex can follow him.  He’s been doing research for years, he knows how to hide.  They can change their names so his father can’t find them.  Not the same name, not now, but someday Alex thinks, when he knows they are safe, they can share a name, share a life for real.  One his father can’t take away.

Alex doesn’t tell Maria all that.  Right now they both need to pretend everything is like it was a few weeks ago.  Alex is falling in love, and Rosa’s alive and nothing hurts.

Alex thinks about kissing Michael in the bed of his truck, the sun on their face, Michael’s hair soft in his hands.  He thinks about how carefully Michael always presses his lips against Alex’s until Alex opens his mouth and then it’s like Michael can’t get enough.  He thinks about how Michael’s skin feels under his hands, how he loves to feel the beat of Michael’s heart in his chest.  He thinks about how tightly Michael holds him in sleep like he’s trying to hold Alex in place.  And he thinks about how desperately he wants to stay in Michael’s arms forever.

“He’s perfect,” Alex tells Maria again.  “He makes me happy.”

“He’d better or he’ll have to answer to me,” Maria makes a fist, and they both laugh.  “I’m so happy for you.  You deserve this.”

Alex nods and turns back to the graffiti before Maria can see the way his smile falters.

5.

Alex leans back against the headboard and watches as Forrest starts to get dressed.  He’s enjoying the way Forrest’s briefs stretch across his ass as he stands up to look for his shirt when Forrest sits back on the bed, phone in hand.

“I envy you, getting out of Roswell for a while,” he tells Alex as he reads his message.

Alex is leaving the next morning to track down the remains of Project Shepherd, but told Forrest he was on a long term recruiting assignment.  Forrest had come over with take out and a strip of condoms to ‘see Alex off.’

“Maybe if I’m in one place long enough, you can come visit,” Alex offers.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Forrest turns to Alex with a smile before going back to typing furiously on his phone.  “I am definitely ready for a change of scenery.”  Forrest tosses the phone on the bed before pulling on his pants.

“Everything ok?” Alex asks, surprised by the bitterness lacing Forrest’s voice.  He’s never really seen him irritated before.

“Sorry, it’s just my uncle scolding me for offending one of his cronies.  He likes to remind me that everything I do reflects on the Long name,” Forrest rolls his eyes.

“What happened?”

“Some guy came up to me at the diner and wanted to know why I hadn’t been at the last few meetings of the Roswell Regiment.  He told me my family had a long standing tradition of standing between Roswell and undesirable elements, and it was time for my generation to step up.”

“Ouch,” Alex commiserated. He knew more than most about the weight of unwanted family legacies.

“I told him I was too busy sucking cock to play cowboys and Indians with the people on the wrong side of history.

Alex laughs because he can hear Forrest saying that.  “Well if they had a meeting in the last hour,” Alex pretends to look at a watch he’s not wearing, “I can vouch for your story.”

“I’m sure he’d appreciate the first hand account.”  Forrest sighs and runs his hand through his hair.  “You’d think between my hair and the general aurora of gay, they would understand that white supremacy and racism aren’t really my thing.  But they think all Longs are the same.”

“Being a Long sounds as bad as being a Manes,” Alex tells him.

“Does that mean you won’t take my name when we get married?”  Forrest asks, all smiles again.

“Absolutely not,” Alex says without even needing to think about it.

Forrest clutches his hands over his heart and gasps dramatically, pretending to be hurt.

It’s cute; Forrest is cute so Alex leans forward and kisses him.  He ignores the twist of wrongness in his stomach at the thought of marrying someone other than Michael.  He knows he and Michael are over for good, but he isn’t ready to start thinking about anyone else with the same seriousness.  

When Forrest kisses him back, Alex moves so he is straddling Forrest’s lap.  “Besides,” he whispers against his lips, “I’m not the marrying type.”

“Oh?” Forrest asks, sliding his hands under Alex’s ass and pulling him closer.  “What type are you?”

Alex bites back his instinctive response of ‘not the type who gets a happy ending.’  Things with Forrest are fun and easy, and Alex wants to keep them that way.  He pushes Forrest onto his back  and tells him, “I guess you’ll just have to find out,” before kissing him again and making sure talking is the last thing on either of their minds.

+1

Michael isn’t the first person he tells or even the second.  Alex doesn’t think anything of it because to him it’s obvious, and it never occurs to him that Michael just won’t know.

He tells Greg when Greg calls to confirm he can’t make the wedding.

“I’m so sorry, Alex.  I have an oral exam and an observation that can’t be rescheduled,” Greg says with obvious regret.

“It’s ok,” Alex reassures him.  He’d love to have Greg there - he’s the only real family Alex has.  But they didn’t really give him any notice.  “If we were planning ahead we would pick a date that works for everyone, but.” Alex trails off, not sure how to articulate the urgency he and Michael feel. Why waiting just isn’t an option.

“I get it, Alex, I really do.  After everything you and Michael have been through, you want to grab your happiness as soon as you can.  I am just so happy for you, for both of you.  And I’ll be back in a few months so you can show me all the pictures, videos, everything.”

“I think Isobel has an Oscar worthy production planned,” Alex laughs.

“I can’t wait,” Greg replies warmly.

“There’s one more thing,” Alex begins hesitantly.  “I’m taking Michael’s name.”

Greg doesn’t respond and the silence stretches out.  Alex hopes Greg doesn’t object.  It won’t change anything, Alex has made his decision.  But he’d like to have Greg’s support.

“Greg?” Alex prompts.

“Alex,” Greg says, voice thick before he clears his throat.  “I’m so proud of you.  I know how hard it’s been for you to let go of all the bullshit Dad shoved down your throat, to forget about the Manes legacy.  I’ve been afraid for a long time that you would never be able to put it behind you.  And now you're marrying the love of your life and starting a whole new life.  I don’t even know what to say.”

“You’re not upset?”  Alex can’t stop himself from asking.

“You’re my brother, Alex. I love you, and I want you to be happy.  That’s it.”

“Thanks,” Alex says, his own throat tight.  He wants to tell Greg he loves him too, but those aren’t words that were ever said in his house.  It’s been hard enough learning to say them to Michael, to stop feeling like it was safer to hold them inside.  But there’s something else he can say that Greg will understand.  “I want that for you too - happiness.  I’m free now, Greg, and I want you to be too.”

Alex stops by Eduardo’s office the next day.  

“What are you doing here,” Eduardo asks when he spots Alex in the doorway.  “Don’t you have a wedding in less than twenty four hours?”

“Kyle wanted a final checkup,” Alex shrugs.

“And?” Eduardo asks, eyes narrowing in concern.

“Clean bill of health,” Alex reassures him.  “And speaking of the wedding, I was hoping I could ask you for a favor.”

“Of course.”

“You know Michael and I have a honeymoon planned,” he begins.

“Yes, a month, I believe,” Eduardo fills in.  “That can be extended if you want more time.”

“I’m learning I’ll always want more time with Michael,” Alex laughs.  “But I think a month away is a good start.  Once we’re married, I want to change my name to Guerin.  I know the process can take time, and I don’t want to wait until we get back from our honeymoon to get started.  I was wondering if there is anything Deep Sky can do to speed things up?”

Eduardo leans back in his chair and smiles.  “Just leave everything to me.”

Alex feels Michael stumble just a bit when he tells him he’ll be signing his checks ‘Alex Guerin” from now on.  He accepts Alex’s explanation without any further questions, and then there’s so much going on - well wishes and goodbyes, Max leaving, finally putting Roswell behind them even if it’s only for a month - that they don’t talk about it again.

Three days into their honeymoon, when they return to their hotel after dinner, the concierge hands them an envelope he says was delivered for them earlier.

The outside just has their room number, no indication of who it’s from.  It’s the right size for weight for pictures.  Alex turns it over in his hands before holding it out to Michael.

“Maybe Isobel dropped off wedding pictures,” Michael speculates, coming to the same conclusion, when holding it up to the light doesn’t yield anymore information.

“I doubt Isobel drove six hours to drop off wedding pictures.”

“Only one way to find out,” Michael shrugs and hands the envelope back to Alex.

Alex sits at the small table in what passes for a dining area in their suite and waits for Michael to join him before he opens it.  He pulls out the contents and lets out a small gasp.  Alex holds his driver’s license, now labeled ‘Alex Guerin” in his hands, lets his updated passport and credit cards fall to the table.

Michael leans closer to see what he’s holding.  “That was fast,” he comments, picking up and skimming the note Eduardo left. He congratulates them again and lets Alex know the rest of his updated documents - employee ID, bank accounts, social security card - are locked in the safe in his office.

Alex’s hands shake as he stares at the ID.  He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Michael wipes a tear from his cheek.

“Hey, we can change it back,” he tells Alex, looking at him with concern.  “It’s ok if you changed your mind.”  Michael leaves his chair and turns Alex away from the table so he can crouch in front of him.

“No,” Alex pulls Michael up and kisses him.  “No,” he repeats,finally dropping the license so he can cradle Michael’s face in his hands and kiss him again. He hopes Michael can feel his happiness, his joy because he finds himself fumbling for words to explain what it means to see his name in writing.

“I want to rent a car,” he says when Michael pulls back and goes back to his own chair, holding Alex’s hands in his.

“What?” Michael asks, concern returning to his face.  “I know the truck’s old, but she’ll get us where we need to go.”

“No, I mean,” Alex shakes his head, frustrated with himself for communicating so poorly.  “Sorry, it was just the first thing I thought of that would require an ID.  I want to show off my new name.”

“Proud of it, huh?” Michael laughs, but Alex can hear the underlying hesitation.

“Michael, you have no idea.  I want to tell everyone.  I wish I was young enough to get carded.”

“I’m glad,” Michael says quietly, squeezing Alex’s hands.  “I’m glad it feels good to let that part of your past go.”

“It is, but it’s not just about the past.  When I saw this - saw ‘Alex Guerin’ in writing - I realized it’s less about letting something go than it is about moving forward.  Being a Manes meant something, and no matter how hard I tried, I could never escape it completely,” Alex takes a breath, relieved to feel that burden gone.  “But I’m not Alex Manes anymore.  I’m Alex Guerin, and I get to decide what that means.  That’s what I care about, who I am now, learning how to be your husband, building our life together.”  He pulled Michael’s left hand to his mouth and kissed his wedding ring.

Michael picks up Alex’s discarded license and studies.  He strokes his thumb over the picture before setting it down.  “I never cared about my name.  It wasn’t mine, it was just something they gave me because they had to.  I can’t tell you what it means or if there are Guerin family traditions, and even if there are, it wouldn’t matter because they aren’t mine.  Funny isn’t it, your name came with the worst family baggage imaginable and mine came with nothing, and we both suffered for it.”

“Michael,” Alex says helplessly, seeing the tears in Michael’s eyes. He reaches for him - to offer comfort, to fix what can’t be fixed - he doesn’t know.  “Your name means something, it had a history that you gave it - omelet breakfasts and secret lairs and music and undying devotion.”

“I’m not upset, Alex,” Michael leans back and tangles their feet together.  “I’m just so,” his eyes drift back to the table, covered in documents bearing the name ‘Alex Guerin.’  He turns back to Alex, and while the tears are still there, his smile outshines them.  “Thank you for wanting to share my name, for making it ours, for wanting to start traditions with me that we can share with our family one day - however that looks.”

Alex shakes his head, too overwhelmed to speak.

“And I promise we can rent cars and join every gym and grocery store and casino membership plan we can find just so we can show off our name.  But first I want to take my husband to bed and make love to him.”

Michael stands up and holds out his hand to Alex.  He lets Michael pull him up, then walks toward the bed unbuttoning his shirt as he goes.  “I love you, Michael Guerin,” he says as Michael pushes him onto bed and begins to undo his pants.

Michael’s answering smile is both wicked and sweet.  “I love you, too, Alex Guerin.”

[whataboutmysanity]

It’s always “I love you, Mom” and never “Mom, I’m tired. Can I sleep in your house tonight? Mom, is it alright if I stay for a year or two? Mom, I’ll be quiet. It would be just to sleep at night. And I’ll leave once I’ve figured out how to pay for my own life too. Mom, would you wash my back this once? And then we can forget it all. Leave what I’m chasing for the other girls to pursue. Mom, am I still young? Can I dream for a few months more?”

[person4924]

mom !!! i’m !!! tired !!! 🤣🤣 can i sleep in your house tonight? mom is it alright if i stay for a year or two? mom!! i’ll be quiet. it would be just to sleep at night 🤣🤣 and i’ll leave once i figure out !! how to pay for my own life too !! 🤣🤣 mom, would you wash my back? this once, and then we can forget 🤣🤣 and i’ll leave what i’m chasing !! for the other girls to pursue 🤣🤣 mom !!! am i still young? can i dream for a few months more? 🤣🤣🤣

[nicollekidman]

mom i’m tired can i sleep in your house tonight mom is it alright if i stay for a year or two mom i’ll be quiet it would be just to sleep at night and i’ll leave once i figure out how to pay for my own life too mom would you wash my back this once and then we can forget and i’ll leave what i’m chasing for the other girls to pursue mom am i still young can i dream for a few months more

[artbyace]

assigning mitski lyrics to marauders characters !!

cuz all my favorite things have to make me so sad and i love being miserable apparently. i added explanations that r pretty 50/50 on how much i pulled from canon or just sprinkled in headcanons

Reach out the car window tryin' to hold the wind / You tell me you love her, I give you a grin / Oh, all I ever wanted was a life in your shape / So I follow the white lines, follow the white lines / Keep my eyes on the road as I ache - Strawberry Blond

Remus about Sirius while watching him date girl after girl in school

Mom, would you wash my back? / This once, and then we can forget / And I'll leave what I'm chasing / For the other girls to pursue - Class of 2013

Regulus because mommy issues (same ) and those last two lines are so jegulus angst

I haven't given you what you need / You wanted me but couldn't reach me / So you went into your memory / Relive all the ways you still want me - Should’ve Been Me

James, how he never moved past Regulus’ death and spent his whole life looking for him in even the smallest details (really Regulus talking to James)

If you would let me give you pinky promise kisses / Then I wouldn't have to scream your name atop of every roof in the city of my heart - Once More to See You

Dorcas, because this lyric is just absolutely her pining over Marlene. personal HC that Marlene struggled with internalized homophobia so she constantly pushed Dorcas away, fearing what people may say. Dorcas just wanted to give her everything

Still nobody wants me / And I know no one will save me / I'm just asking for a kiss / Give me one good movie kiss / And I'll be alright - Nobody

Peter, feeling constantly on the outs of his friend group and just horrible about himself. Feeling as though no one would ever love him because he wasn’t as handsome as Sirius, funny as James, or intelligent as Remus :((

And I was so young when I behaved twenty-five / Yet now, I find I've grown into a tall child /And I don't wanna go home yet / Let me walk to the top of the big night sky - First Love/Late Spring

Sirius. this one feels pretty self explanatory but how Sirius had to stand up to their mother and protect Reggie as a kid. escaping ‘home’ and finally being able to live freely and cry and experience emotions and heal his inner child. this whole song is So Sirius to me

And autumn comes when you're not yet done / With the summer passing by, but / I don't think I could stand to be / Where you don't see me - Francis Forever

Mary having to outlive all of her friends and ultimately not being able to stand it without them. they were her summer. (also there’s definitely an autumn/lily tie in i could make here but i’ll let that speak for itself)

One morning this sadness will fossilize / And I will forget how to cry … / And then one warm summer night / I'll hear fireworks outside / And I'll listen to the memories as they cry, cry, cry - Fireworks

Remus trying to move on with his life and forget Sirius after believing he was the one who had betrayed Lily and James.. but always having those feelings and grief resurface at the slightest memory of Sirius :(((

All of this turbulence wasn't forecasted / Apologies from the intercom / And I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy / They'll think of me kindly / When they come for my things - Last Words of a Shooting Star

Regulus dying, but being so okay with doing so because he was dying doing the right thing. he died thinking Sirius and James and everyone else would know that he died defying Voldemort, and they would finally love him for it but they would never get to know T_T

You're coming back / And it's the end of the world / We're starting over and I love you darlin' / And I am done, dear - I Want You

Sirius or Remus about each other respectively. they’d finally made it back to each other after Sirius escaped Azkaban, but would never be able to live the life full of love they deserved .

[sakura-hayashii]

01.05.24 - 12:08 pm

“i hope you end up happy” “i’ll meet you where we began” “maybe we were meant to break” “i almost had you, didnt i?” “and suddenly, we were strangers again” “i guess i needed you more” “i felt too much, he didnt” “we're all trying to forget someone” “forever ended too quickly for us” “im afraid im easy to forget” “why does emptiness feel so heavy?” “finding you was like finding home” “nothing mattered, but somehow you did” “i love you, you love her” “we were, and then we werent” “i was dead for a minute” “your fingerprints still havent washed off” “how can emptiness feel so heavy?” “and things, as things do, changed” “you deserved better, so i left” “she tasted like adventure and heartbreak” “id be his, if he asked” “we both knew i wasnt enough” “i died the day you left” “and thats just how they ended” “ive been strong for too long” “like rain, i fell for you” “they say time heals, they lied” “we havent talked since that day” “never thought that this would happen” “i was born, but never lived” “you were too good for me” “i willingly gave my last breathe” “dont miss me, you chose this” “but they arent his brown eyes”  “walking in wasteland, dreaming of wonderland” “once, you were everything i wanted” “who i am comes in waves” “i miss how you wanted me” “but he chose to walk away” “no person could save me now” “even in silence there is chaos” “you mean/t the world to me” “i guess we will never know” “he deserved happiness, so i left” “i almost couldve made him stay” “i walked away to save myself” “ive seen forever in brown eyes” “nothing was more tragic than us” “so they had to part ways” “sad thing is, he couldve changed” “he shouldve loved her back then” “maybe someday we will meet again” “we were so close to love” “it might have been worth it” “suddenly, she felt nothing at all” “we become what we think about” “i never wanted you to leave” “i was right to overthink everything” “its fine, i hope you heal” “so much time wasted without love” “you were everything i ever wanted” “was i that hard to love?” “tell your mom i said hi” “all stories come to an end” “she no longer believed his words” “make sure you treat her right” “she was the love he lost” “and he still talks about her” “she never forgot what he did” “but wasnt she just so beautiful?” “dont die until youre actually dead” “like cherry blossoms, she fell too” “her love will forever haunt him” “her voice rang like a symphony” “how could silence be so violent?”

- S.H. // 6 word stories (via 2amthoughts)

[raynes-payne]

When I wake up from a bad dream I text my mom. Even tho she left I still need to tell her about it to make it okay. I really want her to hug me rn but she’s far and doesn’t have time for that. Anyways time to go listen to a YouTube Audio to feel safe.

[duchesstopaz]

*Trigger Warnings: Descriptions of physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, parental abuse, verbal abuse, child neglect, threats, anxiety, panic attacks, violence towards children.* Monday, June 19th, 2023 Part 5 6:32pm

Now here we are, in the present, where I’m back after 3 years at 20 years old. Where I’ve learned and grew so much outside of this cage, where I was free from the dark chasm in my life and heart that is home. Where every second around you makes me feel 8 and 10 and 12 and 15 and 17, all simultaneously and all over again. Of course, the abuse has stopped, it stopped a long time ago, but when you have PTSD, things get really muddled. And, yes, I’m an adult now, teaching at an elementary school, and taking care myself for the most part. So, what’s so bad? Well, I’ll tell you.

When I’m back in my childhood bedroom, sleeping on an air mattress, with ALL of my younger siblings, as an adult. When there’s another bedroom that could have been used, but why would it be, when my stepdad uses it to get ready for work, to house the hundreds of products he purchased from Amazon, and in case you forgot from earlier, the thousands of dollars worth of workout equipment that he uses once every 2 months. OH! And get this! His mother is living with us right now, and she now gets that bedroom. Wild, right?

When I’m back to being the in-house, unpaid nanny for the kids. To feed them, watch them, help them with homework, and yes, to correct any misbehaving and report only the extremes. When my stepdad decides he’s bestowing me the responsibility of “supervising the kids cleaning the room”. When he comments on how responsible I’ve always been, and offers me to be back on their car insurance, even though I was never removed from it. 

When he comes in the door, and immediately starts yelling and blaming everyone for how “messy” the house is, and to “get this crap off my stuff”, and “who touched my shelf?”. OH, THE SHELF! When he has a whole shelf in the refrigerator that is dedicated to separate all of his groceries for his vegetarian diet and his on-brand food items that cannot be disturbed by anyone else. When he subjects my mom to buying the cheapest version of all food products, but specifically asks for her to only buy specific brands for him. When he has 2 tables in the kitchen for juicing that cannot be used as counter space by anyone but him. When he’s telling me about the health benefits of one of his juices (or as he calls it every time, “a concoction”), and adds, “Bet you didn’t know that when you were vegan, huh?”. When he continues to not allow anyone to use the washer in the evenings when he gets home because he needs to wash his uniform daily. Also! When no one is allowed to use the only bathroom in the house for at least 3 hours, because he needs it reserved.

When he consistently forgets our birthdays or details of what’s going on in our lives because he doesn’t ask, until my mom tells him of an achievement we’ve made and forces him to congratulate us. When he’s rushing to get to where he’s going and he’s bounding and pushing throughout the house telling everyone to get out of his way because he has poor time management and forgets that there’s 8 people in this tiny house right now. When he asks us a question and we answer, but he doesn’t care because his focus is always elsewhere, so he yells at us that we’re ignoring him. When he impulsively decides to buy the kids something or take them out to eat, and he constantly complains about he could be watching Tv instead or badgering the kids about how much it costs. 

When you misinform your kids by telling them inaccurate retellings of American and Black history. When you feign authority over whether they can go out with a friend, just to forget about it until the time arrives. When you preach about respect and manners, but continue to disrespect and treat me as a child and allow your kids to do the same. When you brag about accolades and compliments from your job because of said respect and manners, even posting a letter on the fridge, but never celebrating any of us for our accolades and compliments.

When you force me to pay you and mom at least $100 a week ($500 a month) as a rent-adjacent payment to help my mom with groceries and bills, just like you used to. When you constantly lecture me about getting a car, but don’t allow the full autonomy of my finances by threatening my ability to stay in my childhood home with the payments. When you try to tell me how to do my job teaching, when you have zero experience of the sort, and try to speak in a proper manner to match my manner of speaking. When you project your superiority/inferiority complex onto me when you ask me about college, by trying to act that you’re more intelligent than me and more knowledgeable about the subject I’m literally having to explain to you.

When you constantly forget about my mental disorders and my therapy and my medication, then you ask me about them as if it’s your time hearing it, even though you know that my mental health is the whole reason I moved back home. When you weaponize your willful ignorance against everyone in the house, especially my mom, to excuse your participation and involvement in our lives.  When you bought walkie-talkies as an updated way of summoning everyone to your room to heed your request, like a bell system that you ring when you need an attendant, saying, “[insert name], report to the bedroom.”, because you can’t be bothered to function independently at home or talk to your family normally. 

How you require that whenever we enter your room to listen to you, that we stand on the side, “where you can see us”. How you make my mother wash all of your clothes or prepare your shower. How my mother goes out of her to make your choice of dinner every night, but you consistently change your mind and inconvenience her, or how my mother is currently in school to get her degree and has HOMEWORK, just to get frustrated when your wife isn’t able to spend time with you. How you selectively recognize that my mom is overworked, just to blame it on us, rather than stepping up and being the parent that you should be. 

How you ask me to complete your online training and learning modules for your job, despite me not knowing anything about truck driving or transporting oil and that you don’t pay me to complete what you should be completing on your own, again, for your job! How you are teaching your kids to stereotype other marginalized communities by saying, “All Mexicans eat guacamole”, or “Those Asian people look like they squint because they’re eyes are too small”.

How you literally decide to manspread every chance you get and take up so much unnecessary space, and force everyone to move around you and yell when someone can’t get around you, when I’m literally taller than you. How you insult your kids daily by calling them stupid, dumb, clumsy, blind, deaf, etc., when it’s because of your own failings as a parent that they don’t meet your expectations of them. How you lie to everyone not in the household in front of all of us about how you act as a parent. How you lie to your kids saying that a box of doughnuts has been sitting on your table for 3 days and needs to be thrown out, when I just bought it that same afternoon. How you don’t know how to react if the kids have a medical emergency because you don’t know their conditions, medications, and what they’re for.

How you manipulate your kids into serving you (“helping you”) by painting it as spending time together, which is the only time you spend together.

How you constantly speak in very vague and general terms, saying “that thing”, “your stuff”, “over there”, then get frustrated and insult everyone’s intelligence because you can’t think of ways to speak in a more clear and intelligent manner, and expect us to be able to always know what you’re speaking of.

How you asked me why I never come home, and I told you a half-truth. How you’re so observational, yet not perceptive. Because if you were, you would at least have the self-reflection to be able to understand that you’re a despicable, horrible piece of shit excuse for a human being, not even a man. How you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror and realize how you scare everyone with your tantrums and violence. How you can’t even recognize that it’s your fault that things are the way they are, and you can’t expect children to have that level of understanding. How you think you’re so exceptional as a person and as a “parent”, but it’s all a delusion that you make yourself believe because you were raised in the same exact way. How you can’t realize that you were traumatized as a child and as much as I know you hated it yourself, you didn’t strive to be different than your father, you strove to get your chance to do the same. 

How you willingly and knowingly married a woman with two sons, and looked at them, and decided to treat them with violence and vitriol, instead of realizing that they don’t have positive father-figures and that you should be different. I hate you for who you made me become. And you’ll never be a parent to me.

Part 1 -- Part 2 -- Part 3 -- Part 4

[hnting]

Mom, would you wash my back? This once, and then we can forget And I'll leave what I'm chasing For the other girls to pursue

[driftingbot]

Mom, would you wash my back? This once, and then we can forget And I’ll leave what I’m chasing For the other girls to pursue Mom, am I still young? Can I dream for a few months more?

[louzite]

mom, would you wash my back?

this once, and then we can forget

and I’ll leave what I’m chasing

for the other girls to pursue

mom, am I still young? (please i only have 14 years)

can I dream for a few months more?

[sentientsky]

welcome back to another installment of "there, i made it stupid(er)", where i take a heartfelt moment from one of my fics and infuse it with pure dumbassery

The Almighty turned to Crowley, met his gaze. A shiver ran through his demon, and Aziraphale pressed closer, protective. His hand trembled in the angel’s own, though he tried to hide it, the bones of his forearm locked in place. A muscle in his throat flexed, unflexed. 

“We never should have tested them to the point of destruction,” She murmured, gaze softening just a fraction. She turned back to the Metatron, and Crowley let out a sliver of air, his corporation seemingly remembering how to breathe, how to draw oxygen into empty lungs. His death grip on Aziraphale’s hand had loosened. 

Cautious, careful not to startle him, the angel ran his fingertips down the length of Crowley’s chest. He turned slightly, still not fully meeting his eyes. Memories of a grungy pub and a request for sherry surged through his mind, then. 

“My love,” he whispered. “Are you quite alright? I—”

“‘S like looking into the sun,” his demon rasped. “Not sure if it’s in a good way or a bad way, though…” he trailed off.  His face held the distant look of someone staring off into an uncertain horizon. 

“Crowley,” he said softly, gently—calling his love back from the salt-stained sea. He reached out a hand, golden eyes finally, finally meeting his own. “Are you alright?” He repeated, worry etching a deep furrow between his brows. 

He opened his mouth, seemed to rearrange his vocal cords for a moment. And then, “I think—I think I might have mommy issues.” 

“Oh, darling,” Aziraphale murmured, leaning in to press a soothing kiss to the demon’s temple. “I know. Don’t you recall that intervention I tried to give you back in 2013 when that young lady came out with a new album and you didn’t leave your flat for three weeks?” 

Images of Crowley curled up on his hardwood floors flashed through his memory: the scent of peppermint liqueur (the demon had been going through a peppermint phase, apparently), the dark of the room, and the rising tones of Mitski Miyawaki that drifted in the stagnant air. 

Mom would you wash my back this once / and then we can forget / and I’ll leave…

“She gets it! She’s the only one who gets it!” Crowley had wailed, wrapped up in a duck-patterned blanket and staring at the CD case of some album or other called Retired from Sad, New Career in Business.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: and this is when I stopped writing the crack fic because I too have curled up on the floor and cried to “Class of 2013” and it got too fucking real lmaooo]

There's no mitski in the actual fic (a fact which i deeply deeply regret because i would quite literally die for ms mitski miyawaki). anyway, here's the link, if you're interested (i swear the writing's--marginally--better in the final version lmao): x