loverofallthingssmart · 1 year ago
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literally everything is solved when i bring a book to go places
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liyawritesss · 3 months ago
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𝐛𝐚𝐭-𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐰/ 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐦!𝐬/𝐨
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Characters: Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Duke Thomas
Type: Headcanons
Synopsis: You digest books just as frequently as you eat, so what would life be like for the men of the infamous Wayne family with a lover who can never be found without a book?
Warnings: some cursing maybe? Very brief and vague allusions to canon accurate violence
A/N: whoohoo, my first introduction into DC! My family has always liked Batman so I guess it's natural that him and his family lore are what drew me into DC in the first place lol. This is my first time writing for the Batfamily, specifically the guys so please go easy on me 🧍🙏🏽
Tags: @honeypotsworld @honeybleed @insomniac-jay @punkeropercyjackson @badass-dora-milaje
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Bruce Wayne
He’d be very intrigued by the amount of intellect you have from the amount of books you read. Not a lot gets him interested in people, but being able to engage in a conversation about classic novels or even plays and/or essays piques his curiosity.
When he comes back from a day of being Bruce Wayne or a night of being Batman, nothing warms his heart more than seeing you tucked away in a nook in the parlor or the windowsill of your shared room, all cozy with a hardcover and warm loungewear on and a cup of tea.
On the occasion when he's not busy (which is fairly rare, a once every three months kind of ordeal) he'll ask you to read something from one of his favorite books. The parlor would be closed off for the evening so it's just him and you, with the occasional appearance from Alfred to provide food and drinks. It's his idea of a date in a sense - and nothing beats a good five course meal by the fire place with a good book and greater company.
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Dick Grayson
He thinks your little obsession with books and reading is cute! A smart and intelligent young woman with excellent taste in literature? Oh, his heart is already swooning. 
He's the type that you can't bring into the bookstore with you, because he can and will buy anything you look at, even if it's just a display book not for sale, he'll bargain his way to getting it. Literally anything for his little bookworm. He'll literally sit and listen to you rave on about the latest romance novel or have critical conversations from whatever philosophy journal or article you've just read. Even if he has no clue what youre talking about, he'll engage with you the best he can to let you know he's paying attention and interested in your hobby.
You definitely helped him in that one semester of college he was in, and you literally saved him by the skin of his ankles because he was failing miserably beforehand. After you read the material from his classes that he was struggling with, you were able to regurgitate the information back to him in a way he understood it. You're truly a lifesaver to him, you and all your smartness. Shit, you.might convince him to pick up a book or two every now and then!
Similar to Bruce, he'd like for you to read to him. While it's also a winding down together ordeal for him, he just likes your voice too much to not hear it every second of every day.
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Jason Todd
Oh boy. Oh. Boy. I feel like the second you tell Jason you're an avid reader, or he finds you reading at some point, his interest in you skyrockets. He's so deep into literature and has yet to find someone on that level as him, so when you appear it's like he can be his geeky literature self to his hearts desires.
Reading dates, library dates, coffee shop dates just to read in the ambiance, they are DEFINITELY a thing with Jason. He may lean more towards the secluded ones though, where you both can be cuddled up together and just enjoying the others presence while reading. I can vividly picture the both of you on a bed by the window, your legs thrown over his and your head on his shoulder while his hand is caressing your calf or thigh, thumb swiping over the skin there every now and then. It's literally the most perfect thing for him.
I headcanon that one of his favorite contemporary novels is “Chronicle of a Death Foretold” by Garbiel Garcia Marquez, and I feel like it's one of the first books he introduces to you. He's honestly kind of nervous when he does and really hopes you like it as much as he did the first time he read it. And when you're done with it, the both of you talk for hours about the magical realism of the book, its journalistic writing style, the characters, the themes, the philosophy, oh he's so enamored with it AND enamored with you.
A cute tradition you both start is reading the same books or book series together, and he does get pouty and upset when you read faster than him or read without him. He'll scrunch his nose and pout so hard, “we're so suppose to be doing it together, why're you ahead of me already?!” But he never stays upset at you for long. He'll be right back n3xt to you on the couch for your evening reading session (when he's available of course) after a kiss or two and a promise not to do it again. And you better not!
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Tim Drake
Like his older brothers, he finds your affinity to books and reading rather adorable. He likes the idea of having someone he can stay up for hours with just doing your own individual things. I feel.like a Tim loves parallel play, so you being up reading with him while he's doing God knows what on his computer set up, it brings him a bit of solace. 
Though, yes, you do have timers set and a specific time limit to make sure that both of you are getting something to eat, even if it's just a granola bar, and to get some decent sleep. Yes, you're the main one enforcing this (though Tim has his moments too where he take initiative, especially if he notices a book's got you emotional). It works pretty well, better than what you both originally thought it would, but maybe it's because wherever you go, Tim will follow you like a lost puppy with his big adorable eyes.
Tim, much like him, would definitely put in a lot of research to any books you're interested in so he can have meaningful conversations about them with you. He'll be up till late hours reading things like summary pages, analyses, author's notes, and he finds himself getting wrapped up in the books he's researching, too. And yes, he'll read them digitally on some sort of reading tablet or iPad while you've got your physical copy. You know he's always gotta have some kind of tech in his hands!
Ironically enough I think Tim would be more into poetry books than regular novels and such? He likes cryptic things and is more than happy to put in the extra thinking on a piece of poetry. That being said, he'd definitely read you poems from said poetry book, and would like to talk about their meanings with you too!
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Duke Thomas
I feel like Duke would love someone who's deep into reading too, because much like Bruce, it's a quality in a person that he finds interesting and attractive. He may tease you about it sometimes but he genuinely thinks it's pretty cool how many books you can read in a month. 
You actually slowly turn him into an avid reader as well. At first it would just be books for class that you'd need to read for the semester. Then he'd start a collection of said books from said class at home just to have around, because ironically they were some that you really enjoyed yourself. Then, the collection would start to grow, and Duke would tell himself it's just so that you've got a good selection to read from whenever you visit. He knew he couldn't deny it anymore when Bruce had commented on his sudden interest in literature after one day coming across him with a book in had an the parlor. Yes, his brother teased him for his sudden interest in reading due to a special lover of his, and he wasn't able to live it down for weeks after it became common knowledge of how much of a reader he was turning into.
Like Jason, I definitely see coffee dates and bookstore runs as part of your dating routine. He treats them very important to; buys a bouquet of flowers before the two of you stop by a local coffee shop before heading to the bookstore to browse. And if it's a nice day, you guys will find a park to read at!
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If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!
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2soulscollide · 2 years ago
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my favorite free tools for writers
hello, hello! hope you're doing well.
today i am bringing you another list with my top 3 favorite (free!) tools that I find helpful for each phase of writing a novel.
brainstorming phase
Fantasy Names Generator - not only for fantasy (you can also generate real names). this website is just... amazing! it helps you come up with names for characters, places and locations, descriptions, generate traits, outfits (yes, outfits!!), and probably something else you could ever think of.
The Story's Hack - this one is so cool! you can generate names for everything, create your own generator, and practice writing through writing exercises! plus, you can save your generated names to see later, and you earn coins for each idea generated (you can later buy themes - dark, snow, forest, etc)
RanGen - my last favorite generator on this list is RanGen! you can generate plots, appearances, archetypes, love interests, cities, worlds, items, and more.
developing the idea phase
Bryn Donovan - in this blog you can find master lists under the tag "master lists for writers". it is so helpful when you first start developing the characters and need to find the right words to describe them and to find some quirks and flaws!
Writers Write (350 character traits) - again, this is so helpful!
Story Planner - ah, the number of times I've talked about this website... please, PLEASE take a look at it, you won't regret it. this website has literally everything you need to fully develop your idea with outlines for you to fill in step by step.
writing phase
Colleen Houck (80+ barriers to love) - need more romace conflict? there you go!
Cheat Sheets for Writing Body Language - so, you know how your character's feeling, but don't know how he'd physically act? check out this list!
Describing Words - honestly, this is a lifesaver. don't you struggle to find the right word to describe something? well, with this website all you have to do is to type the object you're trying to describe and see which description fits better to you!
revising phase
Language Tool for Google Docs - i know we all have heard about google docs before, but the truth is, it's almost impossible to find free softwares to check grammar and spelling. so, google docs is useful, because it automatically revises it for us, and it's completely free. plus, you can add adds-on, such as "language tool".
Unfortunately, there's only one (free) tool that I actually enjoy for the revising phase. if you know some others, please let me know so that I can try them out and feature in this list.
exporting phase
Google Docs - i find google docs very easy to format and export to .epub, so i'd recommend using it as a free tool.
Reedsy - this is also a free tool available online. all you have to do is to write down each chapter (copy and paste) or import your word document. it will format the document to your liking and export it to pdf, epub and mobi.
that's everything for now! i hope this post was somehow helpful or inspiring!
if you want to see more master lists full of resources, check these:
WEBSITES FOR WRITERS {masterpost}
BEST accounts to follow as a writer
BEST SITES & SOFTWARES TO WRITE FICTION
DIALOGUE IDEAS TO GET RID OF THAT WRITING BLOCK (masterpost)
Useful Resources & Tips for Writers
also, if you are a notion lover just like me, check the free template I just released with everything you need to develop and write your novel!
thank you so much for reading! hope to see you around, and have a nice day <3
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appleblueberry-pie · 8 months ago
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I just read your fic and my brain went into thinking mode again :(
Reader just being wholesome with children. Like using Mayday as a therapy method for self-trust issues.. Def babysits May to trust herself with touching other people 😭❤
IT'S 3 AM HELP ME.
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What Isn't There To Love About You?
im just writing these for pure amusement now. HATE being formal with my own writing and realized i can literally have fun.
"So, this was where he was last night." Miguel pulls up footage from last nights fail at capturing some random universe's villain. It wasn't that doing investigation work was boring or anything. It's just that it's been four hours trying to get to the bottom of this disappearance into some other universe. And then trying to find the probability of capturing this villain and the whole shazam. You don't know how Miguel did it. Maybe it was the 6 coffees he had in one day or the random sass and anger fueling him to keep running, but you weren't made out of whatever he was made out of.
You kept your stone face as you watched the footage and leaned forward to point out his glitches here and other possible universes that had a strange pop-up weirdo at around the same time frame. "...because right here..." You zoomed in and before you could further explain, a childish squeal broke you out of your trance. You and Miguel look up and see the beautiful baby girl that was Mayday hanging off of her few webs from above.
You dramatically gasped and called out to her. "Now, who left you here hanging unattended?? Who would do such a thing??" You playfully placed your hands on your hips and she babbled back at you, lighting up your clouded mind. Miguel rolls his eyes. "Actually, she's been there for about 30 minutes." He grumbles. You turn around to glare at him. "You let her stay up there for that long?" "She's a distraction."
You scoff and hold your arms out to her. She wastes no time in dropping down to you, letting you squeeze her like the teddy bear she was. "There's my favorite girl! How've you been?? Aww, look at your hair, you messed it up again. Where's that brush I had, Miguel??" You held her on one hip, bouncing her as you dig through the drawers to find the comb that was no longer in the room. "......." Miguel tries to slyly steal glances at you as you handle Mayday like she was your own child.
Your loud and bubbly talking to her eventually calm down to you holding her to your chest as you calmly talk to her. "I wonder how you'll be when you start school. You're already so smart, swinging around the place like it's nothing." You laugh to yourself and instead comb your fingers through her hair. It was honestly such a breath of fresh air compared to staring at screens at hours on end. You stop leaning on the desk and hum quietly to her, looking back over to the monitors, only to find Miguel staring down at you over his shoulder.
".....What?" He sighs and turns back around, typing again. "......it's her nap time." You raise your eyebrows and look down to actually see the girl falling asleep in your arms. You wonder why Peter left her unattended like this. Speaking of the devil, the man comes swinging onto the platform before you can go down and sees his daughter asleep. "Oh my god, Y/n, you are a lifesaver. I was looking for her everywhere. And you are a magician to get her asleep on time. She usually makes a fuss...." He goes on to talk for the next few minutes, not before shifting her into his arms to take her back to his universe.
This time, you couldn't really pay attention to his long speech, instead staring longingly at the girl asleep in his arms. When he leaves, Miguel is already leaning back on his work table, staring longingly at you. ".....I've always wanted a little girl." Miguel smiles at you and walks up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, burying his face into your neck. "Yeah? Serías una madre increíble." (You would be an amazing mother)
You smile at his words. "Me vuelves loco con lo talentoso que eres. Y verte así con ella me enloqueció. Déjame tenerte." He almost seemed to growl the words, making your stomach flutter with butterflies. He holds you tighter and trails his hands to where your zipper began. "Here?" Miguel groans at the fact that he's still at work and stops himself from unzipping you. He removes himself from you entirely to angrily type up another report and you instead stand behind him and rub his back. "That's okay, you can just show me how you feel when you get home." A growl erupts at his throat and you laugh. (You drive me crazy with how talented you are. And seeing you with her like that drove me wild. Let me have you.)
Miguel looks over his shoulder and down at you to glare into your mischievous eyes. "Watch that mouth." "I'm serious." Miguel doesn't like hiding from you. Seeing him stare down at you like you were a piece of meat made you look away and he curses under his breath. He hated how restricted he was to just sit with his cock hard until he had the option to leave. And how it seemed like you were free to torture him with your bratty attitude and beautiful face and body. He hates this and loves you. The only angel he'll let fall into his arms down from what he calls heaven.
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1d1195 · 9 months ago
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Traditional Extra VI
Read Traditional here
Here's a little angsty bit from our lovely (jealous) MC this time around based on this ask
~4.5 k words
“I think you should talk to him.”
“No way,” she snorted. “Do you know how embarrassing that would be? And pathetic.”
Louis laughed. “The man has literally fired his best friend over jealousy of you. This is nothing,” he promised with a shake of his head.
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“You don’t need to go with me, baby.”
“M’not arguing ‘bout this,” Harry muttered holding the door open for her to go through first. As she passed him, he glared at the cast on her delicate arm. For the last six weeks he looked at it loathingly. It hurt him to know she was in pain those early weeks, shaken, and physically broken.
Fortunately, it was the last day of glaring at it.
Things were better at Styles Incorporated. Her brilliant idea of course was beyond helpful, lifesaving in more ways than one. Harry was certain without it he would have had to make some deep cuts and would have ruined an innumerable number of his employees’ lives. They didn’t even know she was responsible for the idea.
Thanking her would never ever be enough.
Niall wasn’t fired anymore. She brought Harry tea every day at quarter past one. His office was spruced up with new furniture and electronics once more. Niall caught M&Ms in his mouth that she tossed from her desk and passed notes to her during meetings. Everything was right again.
Except her fragile arm. After the first week, she claimed it didn’t bother her (it didn’t, truly; but Harry was miserable about it). It was a little inconvenient. Showering was a challenge, but Harry rarely let her do that on her own without a broken bone, so it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Having sex with a cast on was also her least favorite. There was nothing un-sexier than a honking plaster on her forearm. Harry swore it didn’t even register in his brain.
I hope this doesn’t bother you... But m’never looking at your forearm when we’re in bed whether y’have a cast or not.
So, there was that.
Harry was still Louis’ least favorite person. It made him extremely anxious; in some ways, he was more worried about Louis’ feelings for him than her arm being broken or even the state of his company. There was no her if Louis didn’t like him. She reassured him that he was being extra, and she would speak to him, but he was certain Louis would melt him with his eyes if he could.
“It wasn’t his fault, Louis!” She whined laying across the sofa dramatically. “You’re being the worst right now!”
Louis shrugged. “I don’t like that you got broken.”
“It’s not like Harry was the one that crashed into me or snapped my arm,” she reminded him.
“I don’t care; you shouldn’t have left.”
She groaned. “So blame me!”
“Never,” he shook his head decidedly. Even getting Eleanor to talk him off the ledge was no help. Louis was almost unbearably stubborn. Eleanor swore she would keep working on him.
Once the cast was off, she was hoping it would go back to normal.
That day was today. She waltzed up to the counter to check in and then sat beside Harry on the hard plastic chairs. He was on the phone while she checked in, speaking in hushed whispers so as not to bother the others in the waiting room. It was definitely a business call—it was the middle of the day and she almost got away with leaving without him knowing and fussing but Niall told him.
Niall walked toward their office when he dropped Harry off at the elevator beside her.
“Tattle tale,” she glared at his retreating figure. He turned his head over his shoulder and winked at her with a telling smile that he didn’t care at all.
Harry frowned. “Kitten,” he sounded so hurt waiting alongside her. “Why didn’t y’tell me?” He pouted.
She sighed. “Because you’ve been so fussy. They’re just going to take it off. Plus, it’ll smell and—”
The elevator pinged with its arrival cutting her off from listing anything else. The nice thing about riding the elevator with the CEO was rarely did anyone want to be caught in the elevator with Harry. It meant they often got to make out privately in the middle of the workday. Harry stood at the back, leaning against the handrail. He looked at the ceiling as they descended the floors with the world’s weariest sigh. She stood beside him and tilted her head up as well. “I’m tired of you being upset about it.”
“You’re the most important thing in the world t’me, kitten,” he reminded her. “M’not taking this lightly.”
She smiled sadly at him. “I know. I know, baby. But you’re... it’s not your fault. And I don’t need you to be here for this. I know you’re busy. I saw your schedule. That’s why I didn’t tell you about it. If you had the time I would—”
“I’m never too busy for you,” his look was nearly ferocious. Intense and serious. Way too much for getting her cast sawed off on Thursday. He grabbed her hand and twined their fingers together. “Y’have t’know that,” he whispered. “I’d...I’d give up everything for you.”
“I don’t want that,” she shook her head with a little eye roll, but the gravity of his words ached her heart. She could feel each syllable shaking her body and soul.
“I love you,” he whispered.
She smiled. “Say it again,” she teased.
He chuckled pressing his forehead to hers and pecked her lips quickly. “I love you,” he repeated.
“Again.”
“I love you,” he promised and cupped her face between his hands and kissed her until the elevator brought them to the main floor.
“You can stay out here while it gets cut off,” she offered when he ended the call and scrolled through a plethora of texts and emails.
“Absolutely not,” he murmured without looking up from his phone.
She rolled her eyes and crossed her good arm around her stomach and let the cast arm lay limply in her lap. He was way too overdressed. It wasn’t his fault. He was just dressed for work. A button down tucked into a pair of fitted slacks. He looked like a model for Armani. She stared at him and looked at her outfit—having known she was leaving early for the cast cutting, she wore a pair of leggings and a jersey dress over it. She was comfortable—not overdressed but still presentable for work. She looked like a mess in comparison to Harry.
“S’matter?” he asked glancing from his phone. “Are you in pain?”
“You look really nice,” she murmured.
He smirked and shook his head. “Yeah? S’that make y’sad?”
“I look like a goblin right now.”
He chuckled, tucking his phone back in his pocket. He shook his head. “You look beautiful. You always do.”
“Hey Harry, what are you doing here?”
They turned to the sound of the woman standing at the door leading to the patient rooms. The woman was stunning. Even in scrubs, with her hair pulled back into a high ponytail. Her cheekbones were sharp and accented by the prettiest contoured makeup she had ever seen. Her eyelashes were full and lovely. She was almost certain they were natural.
Her jaw dropped a bit just looking at her, seeing that she very obviously knew Harry.
“Oh, hi, Soph,” Harry stood and cleared his throat. “Um... my girlfriend,” he gestured holding his hand out for her to take and she rose to her feet. “Her cast is coming off today.”
“Oh, you can come this way. Sorry! That was a bit unprofessional. Just surprised to see Harry,” Soph smiled sweetly and gestured for the pair of them to walk through the door. She glanced at Harry as she followed behind the pretty woman in scrubs. Harry looked a little paler. If she wasn’t so obsessed with him, she might not have noticed the change in his expression. But she had seen the worry in his eyes hidden behind the careful front he managed to keep composed when he talked with other businessmen and businesswomen. Usually when they said something that irked him because he disagreed with their philosophy or work ethic—Harry was good at what he did and had been for a while. It was hard to listen to all but bad ideas.
But she hadn’t seen it in relation to a woman she had never heard of. Was Soph short for Sophia or Sophie? Or something else? How did he know her? Why did he call her by a nickname?
“How’s your arm feel?” She asked gesturing for her to sit on the patient table while she walked to the counter to type on the chart on the tablet she carried.
“It’s fine. I think it could have come off two weeks ago,” she said still feeling weary about how Harry knew her. Harry rolled his eyes.
“She’s been trying t’rush the healing process,” Harry said.
Soph smirked. “I don’t blame you,” she said looking back at her. “It’s no fun with a cast. I was in a splint for my ankle after an ice-skating thing, remember how irritated I was?” Her question was directed to Harry. She felt the pit of her stomach churn and warm with anxiety.
Harry smirked at the memory almost instinctively. “I remember,” he mumbled quietly. It felt like a knife had been twisted in her heart. She hoped her face wasn’t betraying her internal feelings.
Soph pulled the saw off the table that would cut the plaster off her arm. She had trouble focusing on what Soph was saying because she was almost unbearably pretty. Soph went through the standard cast-cutting procedures as if she said it a hundred times a day and showed her how the saw wouldn’t cut her, pressed it to her own hand as proof and reminded her to speak up if for whatever reason she felt pain and wanted to take a breather.
“You two know each other?” She couldn’t help but ask while she sliced through the plaster. Harry was staring at her arm and nothing else.
“Like four years ago,” she smiled softly. “I was in college; my roommate was an intern at Styles Incorporated. She hated it there,” she laughed quietly. “But she brought me to the holiday party, and I asked for a drink at the bar and this guy bumped into me; spilled my drink all over me. I was glad I was wearing a dark colored dress.”
“Niall shoved me,” he grumbled looking away briefly to hide the irritation he felt over the little faux pas.
“It wasn’t a big deal. Obviously, I was used to frat house parties so having a nice Chardonnay spill on me was a lot better than party punch,” she rolled her eyes. “He was beside himself though,” she glanced at Harry with this knowing smile that made it seem like a secret. Harry’s lips twisted slightly in a half smirk. Her insides twisted again, and she had to remind herself internally to keep calm. They had a private thing. Something she didn’t know about.
Harry was clearly with this very pretty girl. Someone he obviously cared about. Sure, it was ages ago, but it was everything she feared. That stupid woman from one of the worst days of her life was right. Harry didn’t date plain girls. Not if Soph was any indication. “Have you been dating long?” Soph asked.
“Just...” she shook her head trying to do the math and feeling pathetic that it didn’t add up to much. “Just about a year,” she murmured.
“Officially,” Harry added quickly. “We dated for about six months prior,” he reminded her and told Soph like it was necessary she knew.
“That’s sweet,” she cooed kindly. Her smile was genuine. Soph was genuine. There wasn’t an ounce of jealousy or cattiness in her voice seeing Harry. She wasn’t sure she would feel the same way if the roles were reversed which made her inferiority ache in her stomach and chest more. “Well,” Soph had excitement in her voice. “Here it is,” she smiled and pulled the plaster and cushioning off her arm in two pieces. “It might be a little stiff. Regular over the counter medicine will help alleviate any final pain from the muscle stretching a bit more freely. But you’re good to go,” she patted her arm.
She shook her head trying to remind herself that she was supposed to be polite. But the feeling of inadequacy washed over her. “Thank you,” she said kindly. “I love your nails,” because she did. They were pink for Valentine’s Day maybe and the little hearts on the ring finger were adorable. It also made her notice that she didn’t have a ring.
“Oh thanks! I am actually really disappointed in my nail place—I need these off, but I don’t want to go back to where I went—they’re so outgrown,” she frowned. “I’ve been trying for ages to find a good one.”
“Oh,” she pulled out her phone. “I go to this place—not very often, admittedly. But they’re good,” she offered and held her screen out to show her.
“Thank you so much, that’s awesome! Your nails look so healthy and lovely, I noticed while I was cutting  the cast off. You don’t even have a color on them and I’m so jealous of them,” at least the feeling was mutual. “Would you mind texting me the name?” She asked with a kind smile. “Harry probably still has my number,” she turned to Harry for confirmation.
This time Harry’s posture was as stiff as her arm. He cleared his throat. “Mm.”
“Perfect,” Soph smiled as if she hadn’t a clue how weird this all was. As if she wasn’t aware of the anxiety and jealousy coursing through her. Maybe she was a good actress. “It was nice meeting you!” Soph chirped sweetly. “Nice to see you, Harry,” she pressed her hand on his arm as she passed out the door and left the pair of them to leave behind her.
*
Harry chatted on the phone while he drove back to Styles Incorporated. Normally, she listened in on the phone calls trying to help as best she could when needed. Muting his call when she had something important to add or a tidbit of information, a file, or something to help with the call.
But the feeling of inadequacy was the only thing she could focus on during the car ride. She scrolled through her phone and tried to ignore the images of someone so pretty with Harry. She was a good three inches taller than her. Her skin was flawless. She looked like she worked out often. The thought of her in Harry’s personal space made her feel sick.
She was nothing like her.
How could Harry want someone like her when he had dated someone like Soph?
“Y’okay, beautiful?” He asked. “Your arm hurt?” He wondered, reaching over and placing his hand on her thigh. He gave it a gentle squeeze.
“Yeah,” she nodded. “Just kind of tired all of a sudden. Skipped our coffee.”
He smiled softly. “I was going t’stop on the way,” he promised.
“Thank you.”
“’Course, kitten.”
*
She hoped the feelings of inadequacy would have dissipated by now but after tracking down Soph’s phone number she even sent her a pic of her new nails thanking her for the recommendation.
An M&M hit the side of her head. “You okay, darling?” Niall asked.
It was hard to keep it in. “Do you know Harry’s ex, Soph?” She asked.
“Sophie?” He blinked in surprise. Her heart felt heavy knowing her full name. “Yeah...they dated a while back...uh...for like a year, maybe? She was in college. Harry was only just getting Styles Incorporated under way. The second or third year?”
A year?
She nodded. “She cut my cast off,” she explained.
“Oh,” Niall tilted his head. “Was she...mean?”
“No, she was...really nice.”
“Yeah. I kind of figured. She always was.” As awful as it felt to watch Soph and Harry share a smile at the fond memory of ice-skating—even if it ended with her in a splint—knowing that Niall thought she was nice was somehow just as awful. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked. “Is your arm bothering you?”
“No, it’s fine. I’m fine. Just a little distracted. I didn’t sleep well,” she lied.
“You should go home, I think Harry left for a lunch meeting,” Niall explained.
“He left?” She asked quietly.
Niall smirked biting his lip. “Sorry, darling. He pushed the lunch meeting to today so he could go to the hospital with you the other day.”
She hated when he did that.
“Okay,” she sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all.”
She gathered her belongings trying to feel less ridiculous but unable to quell the frustration she felt. “Call me if you need something,” she reminded him.
“Always, darling. Same to you,” he eyed her suspiciously.
*
Louis was glad her arm was freed of the cast. “Maybe you should get my name tattooed on it,” he suggested missing his name across the entire plaster more than he hated the reason for the cast. She snorted.
Eleanor was still at work, but Louis returned to their place early per her request. They sat on the sofa, watching a movie and snacking on popcorn and candy. “Do you want to tell me why I left work early?” He asked.
She shook her head. “It’s stupid.”
“Trouble in paradise?” He questioned.
“Drop it, Louis,” she muttered stuffing a handful of popcorn in her mouth.
He did.
For like four minutes. “Did Harry mess up?”
She shook her head. “It’s nothing Louis, I’m being ridiculous.”
Another minute. “Are you finally mad about him breaking your arm?”
“Can you not be a child for like, five minutes?”
“Probably not.”
She sighed and pressed her palms against the length of her face and kept them over her eyes. “Harry’s ex cut my cast off,” she mumbled. “She was beautiful and nice,” she explained. “It was so humbling. I’m nothing like her. She was this dainty fairy and I looked like a potato farmer in comparison,” she sighed.
“Babe,” Louis frowned. His voice was gentle. Him acting like a child finally ceased. “Obviously I’m still mad at Harry—”
“Stupid,” she grumbled.
“–But that man loves you more than anyone has ever loved anybody. Except me with El of course,” he reminded her. “There’s a reason they didn’t work out.”
She bit the inside corner of her lip and tried to stop the feeling of tears in her eyes from surfacing. “She was so pretty, Louis,” she whispered. “It wasn’t even close.”
“But Harry loves you,” he repeated. “I know I’m being a little ridiculous about my frustration toward him, but honestly, there’s no one I trust with you more than him. He would probably break every bone in his body for you still.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“I think you should talk to him.”
“No way,” she snorted. “Do you know how embarrassing that would be? And pathetic.”
Louis laughed. “The man has literally fired his best friend over jealousy of you. This is nothing,” he promised with a shake of his head. Her phone vibrated with a message. “Speak of the devil?” Louis asked. She ignored him reading the message from Harry.
Niall said you weren’t feeling well. Hope everything is okay... Let me know what you want for dinner. See you later, kitten xx Tell Louis I said hi (and I’m sorry.)
“Can you imagine your ex-boyfriend doing that for you?” Louis asked reading over her shoulder.
She sighed and put her phone faced down. “Just tell him?”
Louis nodded. “Communication, babe. You might even get to have really hot sex after too.”
She spared her best friend of the details that all of their sex was really hot.
*
Harry had laid out a feast for the two of them when she arrived home. “Whoa, it smells good in here,” she called from the entryway kicking her shoes off. The relief flooded him. Niall told him she left early while he was gone, and it made him almost crazy immediately. It shouldn’t have, he had her location (she had his too) and he knew she was at Louis’...but it was more than that. She had been off all weekend. Less chatty with him. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes which always happened right before she got sick. She had gotten a nasty cold twice since he knew her, and he also remembered her cycle messing with her regular, adorable self.
He hurried around the corner to look at her. She was in a black turtleneck with a pair of tweed overalls. She was so pretty it hurt his chest and he had seen her at work, and he still felt speechless. As much as he loved to get a peek at her cleavage, he thought the turtleneck was so sexy and she looked like a princess. Her hair was twisted in a clip, a few pieces falling forward to frame her face. He couldn’t get over how beautiful she looked. “Are you okay?”
“God, you’re beautiful,” he sighed dreamily.
She laughed and looked at her feet briefly, her face warming at his compliment. “Thank you, baby.”
He pulled her into his chest and kissed the top of her head. “Are y’okay?” He asked. “M’worried. Y’were a little off all weekend. Like when y’get sick. I made y’some comfort food,” he explained. She nodded against his chest. He had swapped out his work clothes for a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt.
“M’fine,” she murmured in his shirt. She inhaled his heavenly scent and tried to steel herself to be brave and have the conversation she needed to have.
“Yeah? Y’seem sad, kitten. Tell me s’matter and I’ll fix it.”
She bit the inside of her lip. Part of her knew it would break Harry’s heart for her feelings of inadequacy. He had done nothing but adore her and she knew that. It was just... well, she couldn’t help the shake to her confidence (or lack thereof) seeing the pretty, nice girl who knew Harry intimately. “Is dinner ready or can we sit outside for a minute?” She asked. With her face still pressed to his chest, her body caged in his arms, she could feel his heartbeat flutter. She thought it was weird.
“We can sit outside,” he murmured and released everything but her hand and tugged her to the cold bed outside. Harry flipped on the heated lamp and aimed it toward the bed. She pulled a blanket from the basket near the swinging furniture and climbed onto the mattress. She waited for Harry to join her and wrapped the blanket around him, especially with his short sleeves.
“I have to tell—”
“Are you breaking up with me?” He blurted.
“Oh, for the love of God,” she rolled her eyes. “No Harry, of course not. You’re stuck with me,” she gave him a squeeze now understanding the flutter of his heart against her cheek was anxiety.
His relief deflated out of him in a sigh. “Oh,” he sighed. “Then what’s wrong?” He frowned. She closed her eyes and tucked her face into his collarbone. He rubbed her back soothingly, brushed his lips on her hairline. “Kitten,” he murmured. “Y’can tell me anything. M’sorry you’re upset—”
“I’m jealous,” she whispered.
He blinked, pulled back a bit from her so he could peer awkwardly at her face. “Jealous?” He repeated.
She closed her eyes and nodded. Her cheeks were red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”
“Jealous of what?”
“Soph,” her voice was so quiet Harry wasn’t sure he heard her right.
“Who?”
“Oh, stop it, Harry,” she grumbled.
“Kitten, I have no idea who you’re—oh. Oh,” there was a long pause. “You’ve been upset since Thursday?” He asked. “Why didn’t y’tell me?”
“Cause it’s embarrassing.”
He snorted. “Kitten, I fired m’best friend in a jealous rage,” he reminded her. “Y’have nothing on me.” She imagined when she told Louis about this, that not even the embarrassment she felt would feel as bad as Louis’ smug I told you so. “Did I do something t’make y’uncomfortable?” He asked. She could see his mind spinning thinking back to Thursday and the entire interaction.
“Harry,” she sighed and looked at his green eyes filled with concern for her. His gaze was gentle. It felt like a hug in itself just to be looked at him. “She is so pretty.”
“So?”
He was going to make her say it. “I look nothing like her,” she whispered.
“Well, ‘course not. You are much more beautiful,” he shrugged casually.
“Harry,” she whined and pressed her face into his chest.
“Are you jealous because you think she’s prettier?” He asked, tilting her warm-shamed face back up to look at her with those beautiful eyes. “Kitten,” he frowned.
“I am not jealous because I think she’s prettier,” she grumbled and looked down at her nose to avoid his gaze. “I know she’s prettier,” she mumbled.
He clucked his tongue disapprovingly. “Kitten, s’absolutely wrong,” he promised. “You are infinitely more beautiful than her. Look at how pretty y’look right now. And every time y’hold a door open for someone? Or how you jus’ know what I need in every meeting before I do. Or for anyone. The kindness y’have for everyone you meet. You were jealous of her and y’still told her where t’get her nails done,” he reminded her. “She would never do that. She’s pretty and nice but there is no comparison t’you, my love. We dated ages ago and it didn’t work. S'no reason t'be jealous of her.”
“I know but—”
“Kitten, I don’t think you would ever make out with someone else while we were dating; even if y’were drunk and at a college party,” he explained silencing her completely. Her lips parted slightly in surprise trying to process it. “We were at different stages in life. I was too busy for a girlfriend while m’company was starting. She wanted t'have fun in college. M’glad she’s happy. But when she told me she kissed someone else, I was relieved,” he explained. “It hurt a bit, but it was jus’ easier t’let go of something I knew wasn’t really right for me.”
“She made out with someone else?” She asked in shock. “How could she do that while dating you?”
Harry laughed loudly. He nuzzled his face against her ear and kissed the side of her head. “S’exactly why I know y’have nothing t’be jealous of, kitten,” he whispered. “M’so in love with you. I think if y'made out with someone else, I would probably kill him,” he admitted. “I didn’t feel that way with her,” he was quiet for a few moments. “Does that make y’feel better?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“M’sorry if I didn’t make y’feel beautiful or perfect, kitten. Y’very much are. Think I’d lose m’mind without you.”
She frowned slightly. “You always make me feel beautiful.”
“S’because you are,” he murmured and kissed her softly on the lips until he pulled away and kissed her forehead. “Y’ready for dinner?” He asked.
She nodded, but stopped him before he fully climbed off the bed. She gabbed his face and kissed him again, a smile on his lips as he kissed her back. “I love you,” she sighed softly when she broke away. His gaze was soft looking at her eyes again.
“Say it again,” he whispered, making her giggle.
--
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freak-accident419 · 2 months ago
Text
Double Derek
Derek Danforth x GN!Reader
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Summary: You spend time with your boyfriend, Derek, before he would leave for a week-long business trip away from home. As a joke, you propose that you should purchase a ‘Clone a Willy’ kit, in case you miss him during his absence. But Derek wasn’t truly against the idea.
Word Count: 4.3k
Content: 18+ smut, MDNI, gender-neutral reader, mentions of sex toys (they’re literally making one), raunchiness, slightly OOC Derek, too many damn time skips, more plot than porn, the silliness is more prominent in the beginning but not so much the smut, penetration (unspecified genitals for reader)
(A/n: thankyou thankyou so much to @g0ry0re0 for proofreading, you are literally a lifesaver ilysm. thank you for everyone’s support and anticipation for this fic, you all keep me going ❤️ enjoy!!)
-
“Uhh… ‘CBD-infused intimate oil,’” Derek reads off the box in a curious mutter, turning it around to examine the product and its written features. Then he looked at you with a knowing grin. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” you nodded in agreement, chuckling under your breath as you watched the imminent purchase remain inside of your boyfriend’s grasp.
You and Derek, since being in a relationship of nearly three years, had always found several ways to spice things up in your sex life. The two of you experimented with almost everything in the book, be it edging, near exhibitionism, toys, food play, etc. And of course, while romantic relationships overall meant way more than just the sex, your sex life with him was just too incredible to ignore. Jesus, you could go on and on for days about how amazing the sex was.
Therefore, it wasn’t unusual at all to find the two of you inside of an adult store. Sure, you mostly bought your things online, but since you two were already out and the shop was nearby, you figured it wouldn’t hurt to go in. Plus, the other times you went to the in-person stores were quite beneficial; you were able to see certain sizings of different products and got the necessary and helpful advice from the clerks there.
You and Derek had continued to browse through the raunchy products as you walked down each aisle together. And while the two of you were almost in your thirties, absolutely nothing could deter you two from giggling at some of the ridiculous things sold there. This time, however, you suddenly stopped in your tracks and opened your mouth in complete awe once your eyes had laid upon it.
“Holy fucking shit!” You blurted as you instantly grabbed the tube-shaped box from the shelf in front of you:
‘(GLOW IN THE DARK) CLONE-A-WILLY: THE IN-HOME PENIS MOLDING KIT
MAKE A VIBRATING SILICONE REPLICA OF ANY PENIS (EASY TO MAKE)’
“Is this actually—?” Derek nearly snatches it from you with a fascinated scoff, reading over the description on the packaging. “What the fuck? Do—do people actually do this?”
“Of course they do, I see them, like, everywhere!” You cackled, trying to steal back the box from his grasp. It wasn’t the first time you’ve ever seen it, but it does surprise you every damn time that you do.
“Okay, okay, so… So if I’m getting this right, you could basically make an entire fuckin’ dildo at home… by molding somebody else’s or your own dick?” He raises an eyebrow incredulously.
“Yeah, pretty much,” you wheeze, nodding at him until your smile grew wider in sudden realization. “Shit, baby, you’d take ‘go fuck yourself’s to a whole new level!”
“What the hell, Y/n?” He chuckled, trying not to burst out into any more insufferable laughter, “okay, first of all, who would—Why the fuck would I want to use a replica of my own fucking dick on myself? Like, if anything, it’s you who should be taking it.”
“Hey, you can’t just say that!” You hissed playfully, still smiling from the entire situation you found yourselves in. Suddenly, however, your eyes widened insightfully from an absurd epiphany you just had.
“Wait,” you began. “I mean… You do have a point, considering that your trip is coming up already… Holy shit, imagine that! While you’re going to be gone for a whole fuckin’ week, I could always use this weird clone shit on myself whenever I’m horny! Hell, it’s perfect since you’ve been going to so many business trips lately!” You joked exuberantly before letting out a delighted sigh. “Jesus, baby, this is so ridiculous…”
Chuckling to yourself, you placed the box back on the shelf, prompting a perplexed gaze from Derek—or rather, as he stared at it, a gaze of deep contemplation. You recognized this damn shit-faced look of his. After all, you’ve known him for years.
“Derek—” you began skeptically.
“Hold on, I’m thinking,” he interjects with a thoughtful finger to his chin before a sudden and mischievous smirk appears at his lips. “You know, that actually isn’t a bad idea.”
Completely dumbfounded and taken aback, you raised a suspecting eyebrow. “Wait. You’re not actually considering… I mean, I was just joking around earlier, I wasn’t actually being serious—”
“I know, but think about it, babe! I mean, hell, you even said it yourself! Every time you feel… needy while I’m out, especially on my long business trips, you could always, well… you know,” he grinned darkly, glancing toward the ridiculous sex toy, “and if you want, I could even call you while you—”
“Shush!” You hissed with a slight laugh. “Holy fuck, you’re actually turned on by this freaky shit, aren’t you?!” It was actually quite hypocritical of you to call him out like that, as you tried to push your own feelings of arousal to the side. “I mean, I’d be down, but… Are you actually being for real right now?”
He scoffs at your remarks, crossing his arms. “Yeah, I mean… I’d be lying if I said that the thought of you being that desperate for my cock wouldn’t turn me on.”
“Really? You’re kidding.” You gasp in utter disbelief. Frankly, you never would’ve expected Derek to be into this kind of stuff, even knowing firsthand that he could be pretty extreme. It was most likely the fact that it was a ‘penis molding kit’ that caught you off guard when your boyfriend genuinely considered it. “You’re actually—Because like, while I was joking, you know, I actually still wanted to get it, but I didn’t know if you were down, or—”
“Babe, this might be the weirdest yet sexiest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever thought of us doing. Of course I’m down.”
***
After bringing home the very ‘unique’ product the two of you purchased from the adult store, you and Derek had set up in the spacious kitchen of his (which was technically yours too, since you practically lived with him now). With all of your necessary supplies laid out on the counter as well as the kit’s included materials, you made it to the fifth step together. The counter’s surface was crowded with measuring cups, bowls, and the other required items as Derek’s lower half had been completely naked to prepare for the molding process. He was actually already jerking off vacantly, a cock ring against the base of his dick to keep him as hard as he could be for the mold.
“Oh my god, I can’t stop thinking about that,” you chuckle as you began to stir the mix of water with the kit’s included molding powder. “That was so fucking hilarious!”
“You’d think that—” Derek scoffs in amusement, practically interrupting himself. “When the cashier said I looked familiar, you’d think that she would’ve mentioned Danforth Enterprises or, hell, even my mom, right? But she thought—she fucking said—”
“Robby Apples!” You nearly cackle, continuing to mix the bowl’s contents after setting a timer for a minute, “She thought you were a fuckin’ porn star!”
“I—” he scoffs with a wide, amused grin on his lips, “Personally? I don’t see it. I don’t think we look alike, like, at all.”
“Right, right,” you chuckle softly, “but it’s the hair. It’s the hair, baby! The curls and stupid frosted tips, I bet that’s why she assumed that!”
“I mean, yeah, but Y/n… I’m way more famous than him. Like, I’m literally CEO of my company—hell, my mother is the President of the United fucking States! Like, how the hell do you mistake me for someone else?! Let alone a fucking porn star!” Derek huffs playfully, surprisingly not too offended by the mix-up. Usually his ego would be heavily bruised whenever someone didn’t recognize him immediately, but he was having way too much fun with you to even be serious about it. And you loved it.
“But, like…” you began with a slight smile, “to be fair, babe, she works at that sex shop. Her mind must be porn over politics.”
“Hey, just because she works at a sex shop doesn’t mean she’s a porn addict.” Derek then raises an eyebrow as he attempts to call you out, “Now that’s just assuming, isn’t it?”
You scowled, yet a small smirk still creeped upon your lips. “You’re talking to me about assuming? You’re—You say that as if you’re not the most judgmental asshole in the fucking world.”
“Ugh, fair point,” Derek shrugged in acceptance and self-awareness, not even bothering to argue because he knew you were right. Then, he paused thoughtfully. “That is a great slogan, though.”
“What, about assumptions?”
“No, ‘porn over politics.’”
“Oh, yes,” you nod with a hint of sarcasm, “The epitome of Derek Danforth.”
“Uh, no,” he scoffs quickly, “money and superiority is the epitome of Derek Danforth.”
You paused with a grimace on your face. “You did not just refer to yourself in the third person.”
“Wh—You do it all the time!” He exclaims.
“Uh, yeah,” you scoff, “ironically!”
Somehow, you didn’t notice until now that Derek was holding his phone in his hand, looking at the screen as he continued to stroke himself to sustain his erection. “Hey, what are you looking at, by the way?”
His eyes went up to you with an innocent, neutral expression. “Uhhh, your nudes.”
“You’re fucking kidding,” you chuckle.
“Uh, no,” he says, turning his phone around in an attempt to show you. “I’m literally going through them right now—”
“No, ew, don’t show me!” You laugh from embarrassment as you looked down at the mixing bowl you stirred, covering the peripheral view with your hand. As sexy as they were to Derek and to you during the time you were taking them, you really couldn’t take them seriously afterwards.
“Oh, don’t tell me you’re embarrassed, babe,” he teases knowingly, making you roll your eyes. “You look so hot in them.”
“Dude—Of course I’m fucking embarrassed!” You reasoned, “I thought it was hot until the post-nut fuckin’ clarity kicked in!”
Suddenly, the timer went off as the two of you laughed softly at your last comment. You were then prompted to instantly focus as you turned off the blaring alarm and grabbed the tube closer to yourself on the counter.
“You fully hard, baby?” You ask casually, beginning to pour the white mixture inside of the tube.
“Yup,” he nodded simply, watching you prepare for the molding process.
After you finished pouring in all of the thick molding substance, you grabbed the tube and walked closer to your boyfriend. “Okay, so we’re just molding your dick now, for like, two… two minutes, I think? And you’re just gonna have to stay hard like that and don’t move too much,” you giggle, “I have to act fast, though, because there’s a reason why the water had to be ninety degrees, alright?”
“Alright,” Derek chuckles, “go ahead, babe.”
After setting up a two minute timer on your phone, you slowly placed the tube full of the ‘molding gel’ over his dick, making some of the white, thick substance drip out onto the floor. The two of you already began to cackle, Derek groaning in slight disgust from the weird feeling that the texture of the paste gave him around his cock.
“This is really fuckin’ messy,” he raises an eyebrow as he watches the leftover mixture spill onto the smooth, quartz tiles of the kitchen floor. “And it feels really… really weird around my dick,” Derek laughs softly.
“Well, we were warned about the mess but… damn, I didn’t know it’d be this crazy,” you chuckle, holding the tube in place, allowing you to stand close to Derek’s naked body. “Also, I know what you’re thinking—You’re not allowed to make a joke about how the molding gel resembles your fucking jizz.” Derek frowns immediately as you giggle at his reaction.
Rolling your eyes, you lean in closer to your lover, placing some soft kisses on his bare shoulder and collarbone. You always believed that Derek’s body was so beautiful, and you couldn’t help but show him how much you loved it all the time. “I’m gonna miss you, you know that?” You mumble with your lips pressed against the warm skin of his shoulder.
“Me too, baby,” he sighs softly, “but I’ll be back before you know it, alright?”
“I’m gonna fuck myself so fucking hard with this weird ass thing when you’re gone.”
“Sorry,” you mumble afterwards, realizing what you had blurted caused Derek to become speechless.
Your filthy words had been delivered so bluntly and casually, gaining a low groan from Derek’s throat. “Fuck. You can’t just—Baby, please tell me you’ll get me off after we do this because, fuck, I’ve been so hard for so fucking long and you’re already making things worse with that kind of talk,” he complains, nearly pleading.
“Jeez, I said I was sorry...” Chuckling, you bury your face in his neck affectionately. “Don’t worry, babe, we have so much time after this. You can fuck me as hard as you want.”
“Fuck…” he moaned at the visual you gave him with your words.
Resting your lips contently in the crook of his neck, you let out a small snicker afterwards. “Dude, I can’t get that stupid fucking meme out of my head…”
“What meme?” Derek asked curiously, no longer focusing solely on his arousal he had for you.
“The fuckin’—Your mom, the Jessica Danforth one that they would—”
“Oh, my god,” he scoffs lightly with a smile, amused by recollection of a popular, new internet meme they made of the US President. “But that one is so fucking stupid.”
“Nuh-uh, it’s iconic because your mom is iconic,” you retort playfully, “and those ‘stupid’ memes ended up being genuine, effective marketing strategies towards her campaign.”
Honestly, it was kind of adorable to Derek that you thought that lousy, new generation memes of her was what mainly helped his mother’s campaign. It was less adorable, however, that it wasn’t really the case. If only you knew…
You leaned in, briefly connecting your soft lips with his, appreciating the intimacy of your closeness that this position bestowed upon the two of you. Your kiss had pushed his underlying guilt aside for now, melting in the short moment of sweetness.
“Hey, when can I get this thing off of me?” He asks suddenly once your lips had parted from each other.
You pursed your lips curiously. “Uhh, well, is it hard yet?”
“Baby, my dick has been hard the entire time for this, you know that.”
“No, I meant—” you giggled breathlessly, “I meant the molding gel, has it hardened yet?”
“Well, it feels like it, sort of,” he remarked with a shrug.
“Eh, we can just wait for the full two minutes,” you suggested, prompting that you both should wait until the timer ends.
Soon enough, the two of you had gone through the entire procedure. You removed the tube from Derek’s cock, placing it on the counter as you mixed the silicone packets together to pour that mixture into the mold. Then, you placed the included vibrator inside the tube through the hole of a cardboard cover that rested on the top of the rim to keep it from sinking completely down into the mold.
“We are… done,” you laugh softly, the two of you looking at the tube filled with liquid silicone, most certainly taking the form of Derek’s dick. “I don’t know what I was expecting, but we are going to have to wait, like, twenty-four hours until we can take it out of the mold.”
“Well, shit. I am actually both fucking terrified and excited to see how it’ll end up looking like,” he shrugs with a slight scoff.
“Your dick, but in a glow-in-the-dark green,” you reply with a simple nod. “So… What now?”
A thoughtful yet mischievous grin appears on Derek’s lips as his eyes trail hungrily over your body.
After eagerly stripping your pants and underwear down, Derek lifted you up on the edge of the kitchen table, lips never leaving yours as he kissed you deeply and passionately. He grabbed onto your thigh, lightly gasping at the rough grip as his other hand slipped under your shirt to feel the soft skin of your back. Derek actually used the hemp oil that you two purchased earlier (alongside the Clone-A-Willy), rubbing it over your sensitive groin, then pleasurably lubricating your entrance. “God, I need you so bad, baby,” he mumbles lustfully, pulling your hips closer to the edge of the counter to line himself up with you.
A soft, yet vocal moan escaped your lips as you feel his rock hard, throbbing cock stretching and pushing through your tight, needy hole. “Fuck, you feel so fucking good,” Derek grunts, eyes half-lidded as he looked at you with lust and admiration. And from this heavenly sensation, you had been reminded that he still had that cock ring on.
You giggled immaturely, “you know, I forgot you even had that o—” He moved both his hands to spread open your thighs, trailing back up to grip your hips as he began to slowly thrust inside of you, making you whine as you placed your hands on his shoulders. “D-Derek—” You choke out a moan as he gradually increases his pace, firmly pushing his hips against yours to get as deep inside of you as he could. His cock was so fucking hard, indisputably caused by the pressure of the ring, but also from how much your sole body turned him on.
The two of your moans echoed in the atmosphere of the kitchen, especially as you wrapped your legs tightly around his back, pushing him in even deeper. “Fuck,” you whined softly, feeling one of his hands trail under the back of your shirt again during each heavy thrust until he finally lifts it off of you, throwing the piece of fabric onto the floor.
Your insides had deliciously gripped Derek’s firm cock so tight, withdrawing a low, prolonged groan from his throat as he then picked up the pace. He pounded deeply into you, head hanging low as he focused on his hard thrusts.
“Shit!” You nearly cry, wrapping your arms around his neck as you started to feel more sensitive. “You’re so fucking hard, hell…”
“Am I usually not?” He teases with a smirk, not ceasing his movements anytime soon.
“Ugh, you know what I mean,” you panted breathlessly. “The fucking cock ring’s, like, making you even harder than you ever been. I can’t believe this only, like, the second time we’ve ever used it.”
“Are you implying that we should use it more?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Hell, yeah,” you replied with a satisfied moan.
“Fuck, baby,” Derek groans, hiding his face in your neck, briefly nipping at your flesh. “Fucking love how tight you feel around my fucking cock.”
You moaned at his sultry words, your arms leaving his neck and holding yourself up with your palms flat on the counter behind you, attempting to grind against his movements. “Fuuuck,” you mumble as your palms shifted behind you, nudging and almost knocking down the Clone-A-Willy tube that was still filled with un-solidified silicone. “Oh, shit!” Gasping in a short panic, you held it steady before it could fall and moved it away to the side.
“Jesus, babe, you almost spilled over my dick,” he scoffs with a chuckle, his thrusts slightly sloppy from this distraction.
“Oh, I’ll spill something over your dick, babe,” you joked swiftly with a playful smirk.
“Oh my god, you’re fucking terrible,” he groaned as a mere, amused smile formed at his lips.
“Shut up, I’m not the one who got mistaken for a porn star,” you retorted, flashing a teasing grin.
“God, never fucking bring that up again,” Derek huffs, rolling his eyes.
“Oh, I will, baby, I will so use it against you,” you claim humorously.
Suddenly, he lifts you up by your ass, away from the counter as he was still pressed deeply inside of you. Holding you up against him in the center of the kitchen floor, he thrusted up inside of you, creating a strong wave of pleasure throughout your entire being.
“Fuck!” You cried as his fingernails dig into the skin of your ass, pushing his cock in and out of your sensitive hole. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, babe, you might not be a porn star, but you sure as hell fuck like one, shit…” The harsh sounds of flesh slapping against flesh echoed lewdly in the kitchen as he continued holding you up, and even guiding and pushing your hips skillfully against his.
Finally, he brought the two of you over on a chair, sitting down against it as you were positioned on top, his dick completely inside of you. “Ride me, baby,” he mutters, cupping your face gently, yet pulling you in urgently for a deep, wet kiss, shoving his tongue through your lips.
Breaking the kiss, Derek’s hands explored and caressed the warm, smooth skin of your body, muttering lustful praises to you. This prompted you to begin moving, placing your hands on his shoulders as your hips would gently grind against his. “Mmm,” you hum softly in pleasure before your head is thrown back the moment you increase your pace.
You let your knees assist you in bouncing on his thick cock, feeling his arms being wrapped around your back tightly to bring you in closely and intimately. “Fuck, baby…” Derek huffs, attempting to move his hips up with yours.
This position was short-lived, however, because of Derek’s urgency to fuck you fast and properly, lifting you back up once again. He made out with you as he held you, kissing your lips roughly and hotly while we stumbled towards the living room to finally throw you down on the couch.
He immediately grabbed your legs, lifting them up to place your ankles over his shoulders, nipping softly at your legs in admiration before thrusting back in.
“Fuck!” He groans, moving his hips at a much rougher and faster rate, practically pounding into you with both lust and love.
“Shit, Derek!” You whimper, feeling his cock slide in and out of you so fluidly, stretching and caressing your sensitive walls. From all the buildup of the previous positions, you felt so close already. “Fuck, baby. I—I’m gonna cum—”
“Just—fuck—hold on a little longer, baby,” he mutters, ramming his dick inside of you without faltering, focusing on driving the both of you to the very edge.
“Baby…” You whined desperately, looking up at him as you felt yourself begin to clench around him. And that really did it for him.
“Fuuuck,” Derek moaned, his movements against you beginning to stagger, “Cum for me, baby, c’mon.”
A loud, whiny moan escaped your lips as your back arched up against him, tensing up as you finally released. Your tight, fleshy walls around Derek prompted him to come right after, spilling his warm, white semen deep inside of you, muttering a few curse words before collapsing on top of you.
The both of you panted heavily, struggling to catch your breaths as you felt each other’s sweaty, naked body against one another’s. You chuckle breathlessly, feeling so content from the overwhelming ecstasy that your orgasm bestowed upon yourself.
“So good,” Derek whispered, kissing your lips in a sloppy, lazy manner, “you did so good for me, sweetheart.”
***
“What in… the actual fuck.”
The next day, after it had been exactly 24 hours since you’ve poured in the silicone inside of the mold, you and Derek took it out, revealing his glow-in-the-dark, cloned dick.
The two of you looked down at the new dildo, then looked at each other before cackling loudly and heartily, your laughs echoing in the kitchen where you had done the reveal.
“Oh, my god, it looks—it looks exactly fucking like it, babe!” You exclaim in disbelief, nearly wheezing as you hold the light green, phallic object in your grasp.
“That is,” he began, trying to recover from his previous, hearty laughter, “fucking insane. It’s so uncanny, like… it looks so real.”
“Dude, look at all the detail!” You urged, small snickers escaping your throat, “like even the veins and the fucking—what—frenulum, like… What the hell?!”
“And it’s such a bright ass neon green, holy shit,” Derek chuckled, continuing to examine the silicone.
“Hey, it matches your entire vibe, at least. You know. Green. Money. Ehh?”
The two of you giggled childishly, enjoying the absolute absurdity of this entire situation. “God, only you, Y/n, could get me to do the stupidest fucking things that I would never be willing to do for, like, anybody else,” Derek remarked with a slight smile.
”Hey, you were up for it too,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes, “I was joking about it first, but you were the one who took it seriously!”
“Uh, you were the one who grabbed it first,” retorted Derek.
“And you were the one who took it seriously when I was joking,” you repeated, chuckling softly in amusement.
“I—” But before he could say anything, he realized that you were right. “God fucking dammit.”
***
Tomorrow, Derek would have left for the business trip, the two of you saying your goodbyes before he would disappear into his private jet. And the day after, as your lover stayed at a luxurious hotel, lounging comfortably on the bed, he received a few texts from you during the night:
Y/n: hey
Y/n: it actually does glow in the dark btw
Y/n: [sent an attachment]
Derek’s eyes widened instantly, jaw dropping at the sight of the diabolically lewd image you had just sent him. Including the familiar, bright green item in the frame, of course.
“Holy fu—”
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ppumeonae-bigvibe · 21 days ago
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the space between us
↖ navigation: enhypen masterlist || main masterlist
pairing: delinquent! jake x bookworm, gn! reader
↬ tags: slice of life with opposite attracts, can be considered as platonic or romantic relationship!, imo it's a good read (with no ending boohoo), finally finished watching love next door and its always friends to lovers that get me
summary: jake and you share a relationship so effortless that it’s hard to tell if it's deep friendship or something more
word count: 1.09k
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prologue:
jake fell for you so naturally.
like the sun rising in the day and the moon chasing after it at night. like the seasons flowing and ebbing from one to another.
jake loves you like it's breathing. it wasn't difficult; it was practically second nature to him to seek you out wherever he went, second nature to have you with him.
though his pride and ego wasn't going to let him confess anytime soon, he revels deeply in the fact that you were always by his side, that you were always going to be giving him your fullest attention no mater what.
jake would choose you a hundred times over, in any lifetime.
----
"give me your physics worksheet."
like clockwork, you wordlessly slide your file folder over to jake, who sat down noisily at his seat. "you look worse for wear." you lightly commented, not bothering to give him your fullest attention as he languidly takes out his stationery and workbook.
outside, the sun had just started to make its appearance; the warmth from the rays outside indicating the start of a school day.
"yesterday, i stayed out a little longer to play online games with another group of friends; you know them. i wish you were there with me, but you're always studying. anyways, it's kinda surprising my parents hadn't said anything when i got home." even though you hadn't asked, jake provided context, just as he always did.
you never did minded his restless ramblings, and often times you knew he just sought a space to talk.
you hummed in response, preparing your desk for the first class, "yeah, that's because i told your parents that you were revising at mine." that lie you spun to his parents was one well prepared and rehearsed. not to forget, used very often.
"you're a lifesaver. did your parents question anything?" jake glanced sideways at you while flipping to the next page, no doubt to transcribe over whatever you calculated last night.
you shook your head, "they weren't home yesterday. i can't be covering for you all the time, you know?" wagging your fingers at him, jake appeared like a little puppy in front of you and you silently laughed at that image in your head.
"i know. too bad, i guess." jake shoots you a grin, earning him a hard smack from you.
----
"there you are. i've been finding you everywhere, literally all over the school." jake dramatically huffs and puffs at the door of the clubroom, not caring about the other pairs of eyes staring at back him momentarily. you felt heat seep from the center of your body towards the back of your neck and held back a groan at his sudden intrusion.
"jake, i'm in the middle of club activities..." you sighed. your club members were used to jake's antics, not batting an eyelid as they resumed with the issue at hand. he leaned his weight against the door frame, waiting for you to reply to him. you rolled your eyes at the way his face scrunched up in disgust, getting up from your seat to shoo him away.
"what are you doing here?!" you shoved him, no remorse in the way jake hunched over from your push, "hey! i was just reminding you that i'll be waiting for you after your activity-thingy ends. i'm bored playing games with the same people that aren't you."
you rolled your eyes at the way his face scrunched up in disgust, "yeah. i know." you hurriedly nudged him away, "go, go. we're trying to do something here." you tried and failed to hide the smile on your face and he mirrors your action.
"clearly someone appreciates me being here more than they let on. don't be late!" jake goofily salutes you, spinning on his heel and leaving. as soon as he left, everyone cast their gaze (full of mirth and surely humor) over to you as you re-entered the room and you bowed your head in apology, "sorry for the disruption everyone. we can get back to the discussion."
----
"gah...it's so hot!" jake slumps over at his desk, fanning himself with a worn out textbook, the bent shape definitely due to the number of times he's thrown it into his bag pack carelessly. he lightly tugs your forearm, "let's skip self-revision session and go for some ice cream. please?"
"i'm tryna do something here jakey. in a minute, yeah?" you gently pried his sweaty palm off you, totally focused on completing your assignment. you don't catch the way his ears tinge red at the tone of your voice. "okay. in a minute." he repeats your words, crossing and uncrossing his legs beside you.
the classroom was left with a few students revising for the upcoming test and of course, where you were, jake had to be there too.
he leans in close to you, warm breath tickling your ears, "are you done yet?" you flicked his forehead, "i will be if you stop bothering me." jake mimics a zipper over his mouth and puts his head back down on the table. a few times, you caught him fidgeting aimlessly beside you and with the same gentleness, you coaxed him to doing some sort of revision, though you were pretty sure he didn't want to.
he waits and waits: the moment your book flips close, jake perks up, "let's go!" he drags you up and out of your desk against your consent and you laughed at his antics, "yeah, yeah let's get going."
----
epilogue:
"hey, are you and jake a thing or...?"
you jerked up right at your friends question with an eyebrow raised sky high, "does it look like that to you?"
your friend shrugs, "y'all banter like lovers, yet somehow act like siblings. you two are always joined at the hip, even if it's going to the toilet together. he's stood up for you many times, and you have covered for him just the same."
your friend stares daggers into your soul, before leaning back against the creaky school chairs, "you're hiding something, aren't you?"
your silence goes noticed by your friend and almost immediately, "WAIT. do you like sim jaeyun, yes or no?!"
"i...we never put a label on our friendship. we do almost everything together, it would be weird to do it with someone else! i just...i just wanna be with him, you know?" you attempted to clarify, but with the way you were turning pink, your credibility went down as your friend cackled loudly beside you, "someone's in love~!"
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@ppumeonae-bigvibe 's work ; likes and reblogs are appreciated <3
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ccaramel-llow · 9 months ago
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Hey if you are still taking requests could you maybe do Noah, Cody and Ezekiel with a mute reader?
Pairings; Noah/Reader, Cody/Reader, Ezekiel/Reader (All seperate)
Warnings; Cursing, Cody being weird, Ezekiel himself, Teasing.
PLATONIC !! 🫂
vv
---------------
Noah
, This guy would be the sarcastic and moody friend, Saying rude remarks about people in front of their faces when someone talks rudely of you.
, Will glare at the person who talks horribly of you and WILL smack talk the hell about people infront of their faces not giving a damn if their hurt or not.
, Noah would definitely be surprised if you did speak though, And would definitely say a rude remark without realizing it.
"You sound like a dying man gasping for air."
, Will probably gossip about people while your there just listening.
, He probably said a lot of rude things to you when he first met you, But when he warmed up the rude remarks just stopped and happened slowly when he got confirmation you
Cody
, Cody would be supportive and really chill about it, Telling you how hot Gwen is from time to time because everybody would just tell him to shut the hell up, He appreciates how you dont though. He does shut up though if you give him a angry glare.
, He will rant about his hyper fixations while your eating your food.
, Cody will definitely fix whatever electronic you or someone broke. He'd gladly do it!! Your the only person who listens to him anyways.
"You dont have to say a word my friend!! I'll fix it for you!! Just give me about like, a day or two?"
, Cody names you "Silent" While you put his nickname as "Chatty" in your contacts.
, Cody will punch someone if someone makes fun of you.
Ezekiel
, This guy would be your friend when he was rabid and you tried to look for him out of worry.
, Like Tarzan idk?? He'd probably be hesitant to trust you at first because of the horrible shit Chris has done to him because he was unlikable.
, He warms up to you soon and follows you around like a damn dog. Would probably kidnap you and Chris wouldnt care as long as you were the favorite in the show.
, He will literally rabidly attack others who smack talk you.
, He trusts you more then anyone else, Because even though your mute you cared for him when he was rabid and actually went to LOOK for him.
, He literally cant talk himself lmfao. I think he lost his memory of speaking or whatever so he relates to you alot. But he can read your body language!
-- end --
ROMANTIC ❤‍🩹
vv
----------------
NOAH
, He isn't that big on realizing how others feel but he can read your facial expressions and body language!
, He likes to say "If you don't speak that means you love me." And he smirks stupidly as you dont say anything.
, Noah personally does NOT know what to do in romantic relationships.
, He will be extra rude to people when they are rude, Or if he eavesdrops on people talking smack about you behind your back. He gets irritated just by hearing people talking badly about you when they dont KNOW you.
, He gifts you a notebook with a multi color pen, If you break it then he will stare at you with disbelief and call you a dumb ass.
Cody
, Nothing really changes with this guy, He rants about his day and some random stuff.
, Will probably spend his lifesaving's on candy and wrap it up in the most nicest gifts ever just to give it to you as a suprise, Like imagine waking up to Cody getting jumped by the girls (if you are a girl) just because he placed a gift of chocolate on your bed.
, He's the type of guy to give you flowers and intentionally buy milkshakes so you both can have edible straws and drink out of it.
, Sorry for saying this but he wears your shirt under his normal attire. And if you were in TDWT and it was that one jungle episode where you both were caught, He'd intentionally give you the x ray glasses.
, He lives with his mom. Trust.
Ezekiel
, You probably have dark humor or He just bothered you until you got a restraining order against him.
, He didn't stop flirting with you though.
, Eventually you found him silly and felt bad for him so you dismissed the restraining order.
, He brushes his teeth every day for you.
, when he turns rabid he still brushes his teeth because he doesnt want his teeth to be piss colored even though their already crooked (I think) around you.
, Tries to impress you by giving you flowers except he got them from a grave yard due to him being a broke fuck.
, He leaves dead animals on your bed as a love language.
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thefourchimes · 5 months ago
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Encanto Dashboard Simulator
haha guess who just decided to try something completely unhinged in an attempt to be funny and is probably failing miserably at it?
#im trying my best #this will probably crash and burn but hey at least i tried right #say hello to an encanto dashboard simulator #the movie but in tumblr lmao #or rather this is a day before the movie #also i think i fumbled on some of the characterizations...im sorry pls go easy on me ahahsfiuhasf #oh and dont question too much about time periods because i have no idea either #i kept it as vague as possible lmao
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🕯 encanto-updates May 20
Antonio Madrigal, the youngest member of the magical Madrigal family, will be having his 5th birthday and gift ceremony tomorrow!
The ceremony and celebration will be happening at Casita by 7 in the evening!
#madrigal ceremonies #the madrigals #madrigal family #antonio madrigal #the encanto
1,398 notes
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🔁👀 hidden-in-plain-sight reblogged farmingwoes May 20
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🏯 probablymagicalplaces Follow May 20
does anyone have any theories on what the youngest madrigal's gift will be?
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🥣 magic-soup Follow May 20
maybe something similar to his siblings?? dolores has superhearing and camilo has shapeshifting. what could be a possible gift like those?
or maybe like his mom! something closer to nature, maybe
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🌾 farmingwoes Follow May 20
as long as it isn't like his mother's gift, pretty much anything is good
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🔇 shhhhquiet May 20
Hm.
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👀 hidden-in-plain-sight May 20
hey man @farmingwoes u really shouldnt be saying things like this, u know? i mean, what if a madrigal sees it? u'd be screwed!
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🌾 farmingwoes Follow May 20
as if the family would check this hellsite
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👀 hidden-in-plain-sight May 20
u never know tho...they could literally be reading this right now
#theres always a chance ur words will come back to bite u #:]
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🙃 aaaaaaaaa May 20 • Liked by nothingswrongimtotallyfine
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
#screams #more screaming
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🔁💃 his-shine reblogged her-sun May 20
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🎶 her-sun Follow May 20
@his-shine Mi vida, I have a cup of coffee with your name on it.
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💃 his-shine Follow May 20
You are a lifesaver.
#gracias #i really appreciate it #<3
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🧍‍♂️ listentomeimserious Follow May 20 • Because you follow #the madrigals
Finally, after three whole months of researching and writing, I have done it.
Here, in all its glory, is my analysis on why the Madrigals and their supporters are a cult, complete with sources, pictures, and pure undeniable proof to drill the point home and shut the doubters up.
Let's begin.
` Keep Reading
#the madrigals #encanto #this took me so long to gather and write #but i have finally done it #here is your proof!! #the madrigals are a cult!!!
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🔁🪓 please-take-a-break reblogged need-a-break May 20
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🪓 please-take-a-break Follow May 20
I did not expect that tree to fall down the way it did.
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🔪 need-a-break Follow May 20
Ay...come here, mi amor.
#eheh...lo siento
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🔁🫠 nothingswrongimtotallyfine reblogged lovercorn May 20
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👊 gotintoafistfightanddidntdie Follow May 20
there's a donkey munching hay outside my house again...
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🌽 lovercorn Follow May 20
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op, are you okay...did you get enough sleep
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🧶 wondrous-crafts May 20
⚫ Anonymous asked: any new projects you made recently? will you share them?
Oh! Well, I do have some things I created in the past few weeks. A stuff toy and some embroidered items ready for events...
Not sure yet if I'll share them but we can see how that goes!
#got a couple things prepared for my family #but we'll have to see if i'll share them hahaha #yeah
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🔁🐀 iaminyourwalls reblogged jumpedbyacapybara May 20 • They're back!
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🤕 jumpedbyacapybara Follow May 20
sure hope tomorrow won't be a disaster in the making
#knock knock knock #knock on wood
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jung-koook · 10 months ago
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this day in 2012 little sky was bored and decided to turn on her laptop and checked some kpop forums (after a few years I realised that these forums were sasaengs forums. this is the only explanation for why they have so much information, especially about a group that hasn't debuted yet.. at that time I think it was quite ~common~ to share these information, but those were different times, now we see how wrong that was.) until she read one about the new group that was about to debut. she was literally mesmerized by everything she was reading and seeing there. while humming 소녀시대 '소녀시대' she decided to research more about this new group and the members, a new group that seemed like it would bring something very interesting and new to the world of kpop. she spent the last few days of 2012 literally doing just that. then she found more things about namjoon, then jin. at this point she was already obsessed. she would come home from school and immediately go to see if they had posted more about them, more videos. then in 2013 almost close to them debuting she found out about the other members and found out about jeongguk. and omg......... there she knew that he had chosen her and she had chosen him. 🥺 lmao let me stop talking about myself like that 🥹
the part below is hard to share and may trigger some people, so please don't read if it will trigger you. (I'm going to talk about depression and not wanting to live anymore) but I want to share a little more of what bangtan did in my life with you guys. maybe I'll delete it later lmao.
2012 was a very hard year for me. at the age of 12 I was already diagnosed with depression. I was very much a person who didn't like life, I didn't like living. in 2012 I was diagnosed with "su* c *dal depression". I didn't even know this term existed, but I was hospitalized in 2012 because my doctors said I needed to have someone watching me for 24 hours. finding out about bangtan was really a lifesaver for me. I really needed this distraction. I really needed something that would make me disconnect a little from what I was going through. a lifesaver, that's what they were for me and my life. bangtan has no idea how much they helped me, how much they saved me, how much they were my friends when I needed it most. I never cared about these holidays at the end of the year but since 2012, holidays at the end of the year have become something so special for me and so emotional too. I will always remember this moment and how grateful I am for it. and no matter how old I am, I will be 60 years old and I will still be grateful for everything bangtan has done in my life. I will always be grateful for finding them when I needed them most and for them existing. the positive impact they had on my life and still has will always shock me. because they are people who don't even know me but they helped me so much, often much more than these people who did. thank you so much for bangtan existing. thank you so much for each member and for everything they did for me without even knowing me, and for being my lifesaver. ♡
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posttexasstressdisorder · 2 months ago
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Caller asks if Trump will reveal himself as the Antichrist — many believe he already has
Thom Hartmann
September 10, 2024 2:17PM ET
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A supporter of former President Donald Trump wears a pro-Trump t-shirt at a Trump campaign rally at an outdoor fairgrounds, April 13, 2024 in Schnecksville, Pa. (Photo by Andrew Lichtenstein/Corbis via Getty Images)
A listener called into my program recently and asked, “Is Donald Trump the Antichrist and, if so, will he reveal himself at the debate?”
I passed on drawing a conclusion, but then the lines lit up with a steady stream of people over the next few hours offering their “proofs” that Trump was, in fact, the Evil One come to ravage the Earth. That he’s a literal and iniquitous thaumaturge. My first caller clearly hit a nerve.
It’s a fascinating question, though, whether put literally or metaphorically.
Asking the question literally requires a belief in the actual reality of a Son-of-God Christ figure and of an Antichrist opponent of nearly equal but opposite power. This sort of thing fills the Bible, and I’ll get to that in a moment.
But first consider the question from the secular perspective, which argues these two terms represent, at their core, metaphors for the embodiment of good and evil.
In this context, then, a more accurate question is: “Is Donald Trump evil, and thus an antichrist?”
In The Sermon on the Mount, Jesus spoke in the plural when he predicted “false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravening wolves.”
After warning that grifters and con artists (in secular terms)would try to exploit His followers, He said, “by their fruits ye shall know them.”
Trump’s “fruits” are pretty obvious:
More than twenty women have accused him of rape and sexual assault.
Hundreds of contractors, customers and employees have accused him of stealing from them or refusing to pay them (or both), as have members of his own family
Throughout his presidency, he lied over 30,000 times and continues to lie daily
He pits Americans against each other by race, religion, and region in an effort to tear our country apart and thus weaken opposition to his authoritarian rule
He openly encouraged violence against unarmed people at multiple rallies and encouraged state violence at a speech to chiefs of police; most recently he encouraged an assault on members of the press
He tried to overthrow and end our democracy
He embraced depraved, ungodly murderers, kleptocrats, and “strongman” rulers while ridiculing western democracies and their elected leaders
He tried to damage or dismantle political and military systems designed to keep peace in the world, including the UN, NATO, and the Iran JCPOA
He reaches out to Jesus’s followers and then directs them toward bigotry, violence, and hatred
As an object of admiration and a role model, he’s replaced Jesus in many white evangelical congregations
He delighted in tearing children from their parents and putting them in cages
He tried to end Americans’ access to lifesaving medical care by killing Obamacare and privatizing Medicare
He watched on TV, like a delighted child, as his followers killed three police officers, sent 140 others to the hospital, and tried to murder the Vice President and Speaker of the House
He lied about Covid (after disclosing the truth to Bob Woodward), causing more disease and deaths in America than any other nation in the world except Peru
The main reason many Christians freak out about an antichrist is that following him will get you banned from heaven or even cast into hell.
But what did Jesus — the guy Trump’s white evangelical followers claim as their savior — say was necessary to get into heaven?
Back in 1998 I had a private audience with Pope John Paul II at his invitation; one of his personal secretaries had read one of my books. He gave Louise and me a private tour of many non-public parts of the Vatican and, the next day, we sat through an open-air concert with Pope John Paul II and about 30 VIPs, including the leader of Germany’s Bundestag, for more than an hour, surrounded by the splendor of Castel Gandolfo, the Pope’s summer palace on the rim of an extinct volcano overlooking lake Albano.
When we spoke privately after the concert, His Holiness’s forceful comments about the work we all must do reminded me of Jesus’ words in Matthew 25. It’s an amazing 2,000 year-old story that tells us everything we need to know about today’s “Christian” politics:
Jesus’ disciples had gathered around him in a private and intimate setting.
Finally, they thought, they could ask him, straight up, the question that had been haunting them, particularly now that the Roman authorities were starting to talk about punishing or even executing them: How they could be sure to hang out with Him in the afterlife?
Jesus told them that at the end of days He’d be sitting on His throne separating the sheep from the goats “as a shepherd divideth.”
The nations of “sheep” would go with Him to heaven, the “goats” to hell.
“For I was an hungred, and ye gave me food,” he told his disciples he would say to the sheep. “I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.”
At this point, His disciples — who had never, ever seen Jesus hungry, thirsty, homeless, sick, or naked — freaked out. Whoa! they shouted. We’re screwed!
“When saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee?” they asked, panicked. “Or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? Or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?” “Verily I say unto you,” Jesus replied, reassuring them, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”
This is the only place in the Bible where Jesus explicitly tells His disciples what acts they must perform, in their entirety, to get into heaven.
Feed the hungry, care for refugees, house and clothe the homeless, heal the sick, have compassion on those in prison.
That’s it.
And it’s a list that is quite literally the opposite of everything that Donald Trump advocates, stands for, and has done in his careers, both business and political.
While biblical scholars are split about who the actual “Beast” was that John referenced in his Revelation, many consider it to have been a then-politically-necessary cloaking of the identity of Roman Emperor Nero.
It was clearly a political figure, who represented the antithesis of the values and works Jesus laid out in the Sermon on the Mount and in Matthew 25.
A leader whose actions unleashed “a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.”
Caller after caller to my program offered their own proofs of Trump being the Beast or the Antichrist:
“MAGA” means “magic” or “sorcerer” in Latin and multiple other languages
His grandfather’s name when he emigrated to America to start a whorehouse in the Pacific Northwest was “Drumpf,” which he changed to Trump. John in German is “Johann.” Therefore, his “actual” name is Donald Johann Drumpf — each name having six letters. (Weirdly, the same is true of Ronald Wilson Reagan, the guy who laid the foundation for MAGA.)
He illegally armed the Saudis for their merciless bombing war against Yemen which had five million peoplefacing famine as the Saudi military blocked food arrivals.
His family owns 666 Fifth Avenue.
He fooled millions of evangelical followers of Jesus, just as the Beast is supposed to do.
He put his own red-hat MAGA mark on their foreheads.
He consorts with “whores” and “criminals.”
It was an interesting exercise and conversation, and I was surprised by how many people are actually religiously freaked out about Trump.
But for me, all the proof I need that Trump, if not the biblical Antichrist, is at least a political one, is what he says and does. And I’ll bet that tonight he will reveal himself, both as a disciple of the “Father of Lies,” and through his anti-Christ-type policies.
As Pope Francis today tells us, a man’s “fruits” show us all we need to know about who he really is.
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trailmixedup · 7 months ago
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OKAY! So!! I am one week post op from top surgery and here are the things I have learned:
• nothing prepares you for how fucking bloated you get. It is emotionally and physically devastating.
• eat protein or you’re going to start dreaming about it.
• get ready to literally not have any reading comprehension or speaking ability until you’re after the heavy pain med. and then after that as well…
• holy shit your back is gonna hurt. You can’t crack it. No twisting.
• you can’t use ice packs on your actual chest, but they’re lifesavers to sleep with- I put mine under my neck on my pillow to keep my neck from cramping.
• the pressure and tension on your chest is uncomfortable but not unbearable. Mostly it’s just annoying.
• you need pockets. Dear gods you NEED pockets.
• you do not want pants with a button. The button pants will not fit and it will make you sad. It’s just not even worth trying. Just have drawstring pants, it’s easier on the ego.
• wiping your ass is hard now. I’m sorry.
• blowing your nose hurts. Sneezing hurts. Coughing hurts. Laughing hurts. Just… avoid needing too much lung capacity all at once.
• If you have body hair prepare for your compression garments to hurt. My skin is so tender and painful all of the time. And there’s no break.
• if you keep your nipples you won’t be allowed to shower for 2 weeks. You’re going to start stinking. Have someone around you that is willing to wash your hair like how they wash babies hair. Also have rubbing alcohol so that you can neutralize your armpit stink because deodorant is off limits for your healing incisions.
• chapstick is not optional. You’re going to want it.
• same goes for a big cup with a well-sealed lid and a straw. Drink so much water.
• you’re going to feel helpless and useless. It sucks. It’s okay. Don’t push yourself.
• you’re going to want to wear pants with pockets to bed so you have somewhere to put your drains. You’ll be so tired that it doesn’t matter for the first couple days.
• you want the longest phone charger known to man. I promise. There is no such thing as too long.
• ask for the anti-nausea patch. You’re going to want it, and it lasts like 3 days. Throwing up HURTS.
• the healthier you can be before the surgery the easier your recovery is going to be. It isn’t fatphobic or stuck up or whatever else people say to lose excess weight and eat super clean before your surgery. Start moving your body every day. Start practicing going from sitting to standing and laying to standing without using your hands. Your body will reward effort to be healthy with safer surgery and easier healing.
• oh my god buy a serious laxative that you know works for you. Your body will literally forget how to shit.
• if you can, buy paper medical tape, gauze pads, and extra strength Tylenol. You will use them.
• plan to take naps. There is no weakness in a nap.
• get up and stretch your legs hourly. I promise it’s worth it. You will feel so much better.
• you’re going to want a hat or some sort of hair control.
• if the binder doesn’t fit you in the arm holes, you don’t have to let it chafe at your armpits and hurt like a mother fucker. Just cut the arm holes wider with a pair of scissors.
• have some sort of routine. You’ll fall apart otherwise.
• you’re going to be snippy and bitchy. Get ready to apologize for being an asshole. Short tempers happen, but don’t forget to say sorry.
• prepare yourself for all the random tape and other stuff to itch. You just have to grin and bear it. Things are so itchy.
That’s all I can think of right now, plus I’m sleepy. I will add to the list when I think of more ^_^
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cross-word · 1 year ago
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Secret lovers
Ethan Landry x Male reader
Ethan and you have been friends since kindergarten, you’ve been hiding a secret from not knowing he might have the same secret
Word count: 1.5k
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You groaned, throwing your head back “what’s wrong with you now” Ethan asked, “I hate homework I hate so much” you say putting your arms over your eyes. You remove your hand and look towards him and you could’ve swore your heart skipped a beat.
You and Ethan have been friends since kindergarten, you remember when you started to like him it was sophomore year in high school, it was raining hard and you forgot your umbrella. You were ready to use your backpack as an umbrella for the 20 minute walk to your house.
“Why are you staring at me, do I have something on my face” he said, opening his phone, you never had the courage to tell him, always scared your best friend would be weirded out by your crush.
You tried to keep your crush from anyone until your roommate Anika got you drunk one night and got you to spill who you had eyes on. Which resulted in Anika drunkenly telling her girlfriend Mindy and her telling Tara, Tara telling Quinn. You never showed interest in any guy who asked you out so when they found out you liked someone they freaked out.
Except for Mindy and Quinn they were disgusted Quinn was disgusted you liked her brother and Mindy just straight up didn’t like Ethan and thought you could do better.
Tara and Anika have been trying to get you to ask Ethan out, but you would never cross that line with your best friend.
‘Come to the Halloween party with us’ you read Tara’s text ‘plus we already got you a costume, it was supposed to be for chad but he’s going as a cowboy instead’ you sighed you hated parties, “are you going to the Halloween party” you asked Ethan, sitting on his bed “yeah I’m making my own costume the store doesn’t have the one I want” he said still typing away.
You texted Tara back agreeing to come, you laid next to Ethan having your head touching the side of his body you felt his hand on your head “are you going to sleep” he asked you nod “wake me up in thirty minutes” you say, starting to doze off.
You knew you never had a chance with Ethan so you would rather push the best friend boundary until you couldn’t anymore.
Few weeks later while getting ready for the party. You hear screams around Tara’s apartment as everyone tries to get a little buzz before leaving. You’ve been staring at your costume for 30 minutes where the hell was the shirt you walk out of Tara’s bedroom, “hey Tara where’s the shirt for the costume” she looks at you weird “this is Halloween you know the day where you can be slutty without people judging” she says.
You looked at the vodka bottle on the table “you’re lucky you have the doctor blazer, that was chad’s outfit he wasn’t even going to wear it” she says chugging another shot.
Giving up, you wait for Chad and Ethan to show up finally hearing a knock you stand up and open the door, Chad walks past you and straight towards Tara.
Ethan stares at you, he knew you weren’t the most comfortable being shirtless, you two sat down on the couch you catch Ethan looking at you “it’s too much right” you ask him.
Ethan laughs “are you kidding Chad is literally half naked with pants and a hat on, you're modest compared to him” he says he watched you hold your stomach “here I heard you were getting Chad's old costume” he says bringing out a white shirt.”I knew it didn’t have a shirt so I brought you one, it matches with your costume” he smiles.
You ran to grab it out of his hand, hugging Ethan “you’re a lifesaver Ethan” blurting out thanks before taking off the blazer and quickly putting on the shirt he just gave you, “that’s way better” you say sitting down again.
Arriving at the party everyone split, you didn’t know where to go so you stayed with Ethan, you two drank 2 beers before quitting. You hate being drunk, it always makes you insecure about everything and tonight wasn’t any different.
You didn’t know how long you’ve been looking at Ethan’s side profile but you notice he didn’t realize you were looking. You turn your head to see a girl, she was gorgeous, she was dressed like a female Harry Potter glasses and all.
You felt your heart drop. You knew you never had a chance with him so why do you still hold out hope you two would get together. “Do you like her” you asked throwing Ethan out of his trance “huh” he looked at you confused “the girl your staring do you like her” you ask him staring at her “oh you noticed, yeah she’s amazing she’s in my Econ class she’s so smart but” he was going to continue when your cut him off “ask her out” you say.
“What no, no way” he says putting his hands up “come on I’ll help you” you say dragging him towards her “hey this is my friend ethan his in your econ class and he was wondering if you’d be down to talk with him” pushing him towards her she let an awkward wave he did the same. When they started to talk you slowly walked away watching from afar.
“Why’d you do that” you turn to your left to see anika “do what” you ask her “set ethan up with that girl” she says staring at them you see them laugh and joke and you see ethan smile his smile that made you faint the smile where you would fight thousands of zombies just for him to have it.
“Look at them, he's so happy” you say not realizing you were crying “I never had a chance anyways” you say looking back “are you sure this is what you want” Anika asked, you nod “I need to move on from my crush on him if I’m ever going to watch him date someone else” you watched as Anika left and walked back to Mindy.
You were left to yourself you focused on Ethan and her, the music being tuned out it was just you and Ethan in a room he looked up his smile fades when he saw you. You saw as he rushed towards you leaving the girl without hesitation.
“Hey, why are you crying, are you okay, do you want to leave, we can leave if you want to” he says pulling you into a hug and holding you close.
“Yeah can we go back to the apartment” he nods as he walks you out of the frat house, you two were walking in silence with Ethan holding your hands when he was pulled back. By you stopping suddenly he turns towards you with tears down your eyes.
“What’s going on with you, why're you crying so much” he says wiping the tears off your face “I’m in love with you Ethan, I’ve been in love with you since highschool I love you so much” you say putting your head in the crook of his neck.
“I know you’ll never love me but I can’t stand watching you with someone else, I don’t even know if you like guys” you say sniffling you felt him hold you “is that why you’ve been crying” he ask you nod into his neck “I love you too Y/N, I thought you didn’t like me so I forced myself to have a crush on her” he says kissing your face.
He pulls away to see your face covered in tears “are you serious” watching snot run down your face he reaches into his pockets and wipe your nose “yes, I’m serious I am in love with you more than you ever know” he says looking your eyes, you two look into each other's eyes for who knows how long and he pulls in you in for a kiss.
You two continue to kiss under the street light of the park not stopping until you hear claps Ethan looks up to see your guys friend groups Ethan holds you close as he closes his eyes “I love you Ethan”
Ethan was knocked out of his day dreaming when he heard the door opening and watched as two dogs ran up to him in the living room. He watches as you walk in “I didn’t know you were here, I thought you had a meeting” you ask sitting down next to him.
“The meeting got cancelled and it was going to be an all day meeting so today I got a break and I wanted to spend it with my amazing husband” Ethan says kissing your neck pinning you to the couch.
He stays on top of you just hugging you “I love you Y/N” you laugh wrapping your arms around him “I love you too Ethan” kissing his nose.
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vivalas-vega · 2 years ago
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Real Friends / Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x Reader / Part Seven
happy valentines day my loves - this seemed to be the perfect chapter to mark the occasion ;) i hope you all had the most lovely day, here is some pure sap and a much needed break in tension between our two favorite friends. I have always wanted to reference a very specific grey’s anatomy scene in my writing and I thought this was the perfect pairing to break it out for - you can watch that here and that is all I’ll say in order to not spoil what’s to come - it is up to you if you watch it before or after you read it ;)
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real friends / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part seven
one - two - three - four - five - six 
word count: 4.5k
warnings: sap. lots of sap. 
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“Cobra,” Penny started but was cut off by a round of rowdy frat boys to which she gave you an annoyed look. “Cobra, you know I would never ask…” she said, and you just nodded before she even had the chance. She’d lost one of her weekend bartenders and she was definitely feeling it right now as the Hard Deck thrummed with energy and you had no problem slipping behind the bar and taking the spare apron from Penny.
“And you don’t have to, who knows, could be fun to get back into the swing of things,” you smiled as you took an order and got to work. You’d never liked living on base and avoided it at all costs, which resulted in you picking up some bartending shifts in your early twenties to help cover the costs of living on your own on just the Navy’s salary and in all honesty you’d loved it. The energy was usually always good, tips were fantastic, especially on the nights when you dressed to make the old-timers wallets hurt, and it was a great way to distract yourself from the stress of your day job.  It was like riding a bike for you, easy to slip back into your old routine of managing patrons and keeping up with the conversation as well as making sure their drinks were well taken care of and you smiled brightly at Rooster as he approached.
“Have I stepped into an alternate universe?” he asked as you set a beer in front of him.
“Pen was swamped and I happen to know my way around a bar,” you said, mixing up an old fashioned for the guy waiting beside him… based on his young appearance and choice of drink you’d inspected his ID three times to make sure it wasn’t fake. 
“Full of surprises aren’t you?” he teased and you just winked in response, flitting around to clear empty glasses.
“Get away from my bar, Roo, you’re in the way,” you said as you made your way from table to table, pushing him in the direction of the pool table and watching as he joined your group of friends. You helped Penny through the rush, and even got to ring the bell once which was secretly something you’d always wanted to do, and you wiped your hands in satisfaction as you looked over the bar, now only occupied by regulars who weren’t quite as demanding. 
“Cobra, you’re a literal lifesaver,” Penny said, giving your shoulders a squeeze from behind as she slid a rather fat stack of tips your way and you just shook your head.
“Pen, I didn’t say yes for some extra cash, I was happy to help.”
“Come on, most of these are from all the boys on base that are utterly obsessed with you anyways, just take them as a token of my gratitude otherwise I’m never making your margaritas spicy again,” she warned and you placed a hand on your chest in faux shock.
“You would never.”
“Try me,” she smiled, pushing them closer to you and you gave her a soft smile before tucking them away in the pocket of your shorts as she waved you off to join your friends with a fresh drink in hand. 
“Have to say, Cobra, you are a much better bartender than I would have thought,” Rooster said when you approached the pool table.
“I take offense in that, I’ll have you know I bartended for years.” you retorted, “but nevermind that, I uh… I actually have some news, guys.” you said hesitantly, waiting until you had everyone’s attention, trying not to linger on the fact that you’d had Hangman’s all night.
“What, is this where you tell us you're ditching us to spend your days here instead?” Rooster joked and you just shoved his shoulder. 
“No, it’s a little bigger than that… I got a call from Admiral Simpson today, I’m being promoted to Lieutenant Commander,” you said and the entire group broke out in cheers. 
“Holy shit, Cobra, this is amazing!” Phoenix cooed as she pulled you in for a tight hug, “I am so proud of you,” she whispered in your ear.
“Alright, alright, break it up, let me get in there,” Rooster said, pulling you from her arms and into his own. You were essentially passed around the entire group, being hugged so tight you almost thought your ribs could be bruised until you made it to Hangman who really wasn’t sure what to do or say. You still hadn’t spoken, but he didn’t want to let this moment pass either of you by.
“Congratulations, Lieutenant Commander,” he said, giving you a salute and you laughed, shaking your head at him. You tentatively reached out for him and he immediately wrapped his arms around you and lifted you off the ground before twirling you in a circle as you let out a giggle, “I always knew you’d be the first to break Lieutenant,” he said setting you down but keeping his hands on your waist and you had no intention of removing your arms from his shoulders. “You deserve it, Cobra, this and so much more.” You just beamed up at him, his words of praise washing over you and filling your chest with warmth and you pulled away from him when Coyote cleared his throat behind you.
“So, when’s the big celebration?” he asked as you turned to face him and adjusted your dress awkwardly.
“Rather soon actually… they thought we would want to do it before we return from break, turns out they know a thing or two about what we get up to in our free time,” you laughed, “it’s this Friday.” 
“Well, then you and I have to go shopping for dresses. Of course we’ll wear our stuffy dress uniforms for the actual banquet but… afterwards we’re going out for a proper night on the town to celebrate our girl, what do you say?” Phoenix asked, addressing the rest of the group and everyone nodded.
“Oh, oh no…” Bob said and you all looked at him in confusion, “this is going to be a repeat of the night after the uranium mission isn’t it?” he asked and you let out a loud laugh before reaching over to ruffle his hair. Poor sweet Bob had been the only sober one present to keep everyone alive and well after you’d all returned home, desperate to let loose and blow off steam once the mission was over.
“Oh, Bob… have I told you today how much I love you? These new glasses really suit your face,” you said, fully redirecting the conversation which was confirmation in and of itself that yes… it was going to be a repeat.
—--
You stood at attention as Admiral Simpson read out your new rank and you saluted, smiling softly as Maverick came to affix your new pin to your uniform, as was tradition for a loved one to do the honors. You’d thought about calling your family, but with the short notice you knew they’d be unable to attend and Maverick was the next best thing, he’d been absolutely delighted when you’d asked. The night had passed with a blur, you making introductions with several important people you’d not yet had the chance to meet as Cyclone essentially dragged you from person to person. You kept chuckling as you’d spare glances towards your team, keeping up an air of professionalism but if you looked just a little closer you could tell they were getting up to nothing but trouble as they sipped the champagne that seemed to be flowing freely and laughed amongst themselves. You couldn’t help the laughter that escaped you as they all scrambled to salute you when you finally approached their table, almost yelling Lieutenant Commander completely out of sync.
“God, I love you guys,” you said through your laughs, “things are finally wrapping up, still the plan to meet at the Hard Deck at nine?” you asked and everyone nodded as they got ready to leave. 
“Mind if I drive you?” Hangman asked, and you nodded at him despite everything in you telling you no. You made your way out to the parking lot where he opened the door for you and helped you climb in, chuckling to himself as you grunted.
“No reason to have a truck like this in San Diego,” you muttered, buckling your seatbelt as he got in, “purely aesthetic, Jacob Seresin, people back home would laugh at you.” 
“They would not,” he scoffed, pulling out of the lot and beginning the short drive to your home. 
“They surely would. They’d call you a poser, say you’ve forgotten your roots with this fancy thing in the city.” 
“If anything this truck is me remembering my roots,” he countered and you shook your head.
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but all the real cowboys back home don’t drive frilly rigs like this.” 
“You know what, I’ll let you have it, seeing as it's your day and all,” he said, smirking at you before returning his eyes to the road.
“As you should,” you said simply, turning your attention out your window as a silence settled over the cab.
“I really am proud of you, you know,” he finally said, “you’ve been busting your ass. Not just on the mission, but by naturally stepping into a leadership role at Top Gun, going out of your way to help everyone… it’s really impressive and I just thought you should know that.” 
“Thank you, Jake,” you said, cheeks flushing under his praise as you pulled into your driveway. “You coming in or will I see you in a few hours?” 
“I’ve got my change of clothes with me but… I- I don’t want to impose,” he said and you smiled softly at his suddenly sheepish demeanor. 
“I did ask, Hangman,” you said, getting out of the truck and making your way to unlock your front door and he was quick to follow. You made your way through the foyer, checking the clock on your wall and seeing you had plenty of time to spare as you kicked your boots off. “I don’t know about you but I am dying to get out of this uniform, bathrooms right there if you want to change,” you said as you made your way down the hallway and into your bedroom where you changed into a tee shirt and flowy shorts to get ready. When you reemerged you had to fight to keep your jaw off the floor, blinking slowly as you took him in, wearing a neutral patterned short sleeve button up with well-fitting blue slacks and he smirked as he noticed.
“Well, you certainly clean up nice,” you said, fetching the pair of you beers before motioning him to follow you to your bedroom where you took a seat at your vanity.
“I should say the same, San Diego won’t know what hit them when you hit the town in those… What are those, daisy shorts?”
“Oh hush, this obviously isn’t what I’m wearing,” you said as you gestured for him to take a seat on your bed and you made eye contact in the mirror as you plugged your curling iron in, “on a scale of one-post uranium mission how rowdy do you think it’s going to get tonight?”
“Considering Phe was already a little tipsy when we left, I’m gonna say it might be a little worse,” he chuckled, taking a sip of his beer.
“Poor Bob,” you mused, sectioning your hair and beginning to curl as he watched with amusement.
“I think he actually enjoys it,” he shrugged. “Look, I’ve been wanting to talk to you… I understand why you’ve been avoiding me, I was entirely out of line with what happened and I just wanted to apologize.”
“You weren’t out of line, Jake,” you said, dropping a section of hair before starting on the next. “You surely took me by surprise, but you weren’t out of line.”
“If it wasn’t out of line you wouldn’t have dropped off the face of the earth for three days… it’s really okay, you have no obligation to spare my feelings, I just want us to go back to how things were… I’ve really missed you.” 
You sighed, setting the iron down and turning to face him, “I did kiss you back. Twice.”
“It’s a little detail I’m willing to overlook,” he said, looking at you with pleading eyes and you felt your body thrum under his gaze, drawing you in and clouding your judgment. Ever since Rooster had shown up at your door, you’d been thinking and overthinking, carefully considering his words and the chord they’d struck within you. 
“I’m not,” you said, turning back around and starting back in on your hair as silence fell over the room. You’d gotten almost all of the way through when he finally spoke again.
“What does that mean?” he asked, running a hand through his hair as his knee bounced nervously.  You finished the last strand of your hair, unplugging the iron as you took a swig of your beer and clipped the front sections away from your face. 
“It means I don’t want to overlook it.” you said, taking a makeup wipe to your face and removing any trace before you could start fresh. 
“Okay, but like… what does that mean?” he asked again, confusion clear as day across his face as he tried to understand what you were implying. You made eye contact in the mirror as you blended foundation into your skin. 
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since you kissed me. Ever since that day you came over and we agreed to be friends I’ve been fighting this… attraction towards you with every fiber of my being because you scare the shit out of me. I’m okay right now, I have great friends, my career is progressing exactly as I would like it to,” you moved on to swirl blush onto your cheeks, speaking so nonchalantly it was as if you were giving him the weather report. “Giving into this, giving in to you, threatens all of that. I’ve never been good at relationships and your track record speaks for itself but I know enough to know that this? This is just dangerous,” you dusted your cheeks with highlighter before taking another drink as he just stared at you blankly. “Letting you in means potentially compromising the friend group, compromising everything I’ve worked so hard for, hell it compromises my own sanity because honestly I think when this burns in it’s going to devastate me,” you said, moving onto your eyes, still speaking so calmly. “These are all things I know to be true and yet I just don’t have any fight left in me anymore.” He finally moved, setting his beer bottle next to yours and placing his hands on the back of your chair, watching you in the mirror as you continued on with your makeup, your focus sharp as you drew wings onto your liner.
“Sweetheart, are we going to get to the part where you tell me what this means?” You remained silent for a moment, sweeping mascara across your lashes before discarding the tube on the messy table top and taking another drink of your beer as you met his eyes.
“It means that if that kiss was foreboding something that is just physical for you, you need to tell me so I can… so I can process it and move on, because I-” for the first time emotion seeped into your voice as you stumbled over your words, and he gently grabbed your arm to pull you up and into him as he stared down into your eyes.
“Honey, I am just as terrified as you are, but you and me… we don’t run from the scary stuff, we dive in headfirst and I don’t want to do anything but that with you. This has never been just physical for me,” he whispered as he cradled your jaw between his hands.
“You are… god, I just, I can’t stand you sometimes because you’re… it’s like you’re in me, even when we weren’t friends and all we did was fight it was like you were apart of me, like I was infected by Jacob Seresin,” you chuckled dryly as tears welled in your eyes and you lost your grip on all the reasons why not you’d been clinging so tightly to as his hands slipped down to grip your waist, “I- I… I love you and I, fuck I didn’t… that just flew right out but I love you,” a tear slipped down your cheek as you unraveled before his eyes and as much as you wanted to force yourself to shut up, to claim some kind of psychotic break and lock yourself in the bathroom you couldn’t stop now that you’d started. “I-I do, I love you and I have been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it because this is just… this is a bad idea and I know it but I just can’t think about anything or anyone and I can’t sleep, I can’t- I can’t breathe because I am just so in love with you and I-” you were cut off by his lips on your own and you melted into him, tangling your hands in his hair as you pulled him closer only for him to pull back and leave you breathless.
“You’re in love with me,” he said, wiping a falling tear and looking down at you almost as if he didn’t believe it and you chuckled, cheeks flushing at the uncharacteristic emotional outburst.
“Be cool about it,” you sighed and he brushed your hair away from your face before placing another quick kiss to your lips. His hands enveloped your jaw, fingers splaying across your neck as he tipped your head back and drank you in.
“I’m so in love with you,” he whispered, kissing you again and you couldn’t help but smile against his lips. He pulled back, reaching to grab your makeup sponge and dab at your cheeks and you gasped, plucking it from his hands and swatting him away.
“What are you doing, you’re going to make it worse,” you said, “very sweet but I’ll fix it myself.” He chuckled, sitting down in your chair and pulling you into his lap as you fixed the tear streaks and ran your fingers through your curls.
“So beautiful,” he mumbled, placing kisses to your shoulder and you smiled softly, standing and pulling him up with you.
“I’ll be right back,” you said, kissing him again and retreating to your closet where you picked out a set of strapless lingerie you’d bought a few weeks ago and slipped your dress on, walking back out and turning away from him, “zip me up?” you asked and you felt his fingers trail up your arm.
“Is that a bit of red lace I see?” he asked, slowly tugging the zipper up, “you’re killing me, honey,” he whispered into your ear before roughly turning you around and pulling you into him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said innocently, giggling as he rolled his eyes at you.
“Sure you don’t,” you escaped his grasp, grabbing your shoes and sitting on the edge of the bed to strap them on and he crouched before you, taking them and sliding them on, carefully fastening them into place as you watched in adoration. His hand trailed up your calf before pulling you up and twirling you around, “you are a sight for sore eyes, honey.” 
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” you said, smiling up at him as his fingers brushed just under the hem of your dress.
“Where have you been hiding this thing?”
“You have Phoenix to thank for this,” you laughed and he promised you he would. You briefly thought you should have been freaking out. You should have been overwhelmed by what had come tumbling out of your mouth but you weren’t, you felt lighter than you had in weeks and you felt nothing but excitement at the idea of embarking on a night of celebration with him at your side.
You walked into the Hard Deck hand in hand with Jake, having just got into an argument about kissing you and disrupting your perfectly applied lipstick as everyone’s heads turned to face you. “Look at the lot of you,” Penny said shaking her head, “is the Navy only accepting movie stars these days?” She set a drink before you as you laughed, “this one’s on me, congratulations, Lieutenant Commander.” 
“Thank you, Pen,” you blushed as you approached the rather dapper looking Dagger Squad. “I see everyone understood the assignment tonight,” you teased. 
“Yes, and everyone finish their one drink, we are not wasting this on the place we wind up every night.” Phoenix ordered as Penny approached with her phone out.
“I’m going to try not to take offense to that. At the risk of sounding like a mom on prom night, everyone squish together, I want a photo of you on this most momentous occasion,” she said, gesturing you all to pose and Jake swiftly pulled you into him, his hand settling on your waist as you leaned against him and smiled for the photo before you all broke apart. 
“I’m serious, you might be the woman of the hour but chug. There’s this super cute bar downtown and I want to go before it gets too crowded,” Phoenix said, gesturing to your margarita and you just looked up at Jake.
“And so it begins,” you said, tipping your head back and polishing off the drink, “oh fuck, that was spicy,” you wheezed and everyone laughed as you were whisked away to a rather swanky little bar that seemed a little too posh for what you were sure this night would entail. One shot turned into two, then three and suddenly you were on top of a table with Phoenix as you both drunkenly sang along to Beyonce, flipping off the camera Rooster had pointed in your direction. Your heel precariously slipped off the edge of the table, causing you to lose your balance entirely and before you could even process what was happening you found yourself in Jake’s arms as he just looked down at you amused.
“You doing alright, princess?” he asked and you beamed up at him.
“Wonderful. This is the perfect night,” you grinned and he leaned down to place a kiss on your lips, lipstick be damned, only pulling apart at the chaos it caused.
“Hold on.” Phoenix muttered.
“Oh, I fucking knew it,” Fanboy laughed.
“Are you guys blind? They walked in holding hands,” Rooster pointed out but it only added fuel to the fire. 
“To be fair, I was distracted by her legs,” Phoenix said and you hid your face in Jake’s chest as he placed you back on solid ground. The group devolved into questions and Phoenix just gave you a look, grabbing your hand and pulling you to the bathroom to leave Jake to fend for himself. 
“When did that happen?” she asked and you sighed as you leaned against the sink.
“After the banquet… he drove me home and we got ready together and I don’t know what came over me. I was telling him all the reasons why I didn’t want to and before I knew it I was telling him I was in love with him.”
“A big night for you, indeed,” she said, fixing your hair. “I really am so happy for you. This is good, and I’m not even going to tell you I told you so.”
“I think you just did,” you giggled before the two of you stumbled out of the bathroom with your arms linked. 
“Come on you booze hounds, we’re switching locations,” Rooster said, slinging an arm over Phoenix’s shoulder as Jake navigated you out into the cool night air. The next bar was much more your speed, filled with people just as drunk as you all were and decorated modestly. It was the group's natural instinct to migrate to the pool table, overtaking it and claiming it as your own as you and Jake went head to head. 
“Don’t think I’m going easy on you just because I got mushy earlier,” you said as you racked the balls and he just shook his head and laughed.
“I wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.” The game went as it always did, with the two of you hurling insults left and right but with the addition of subtle teasing on your part to throw him off his game. Just as he was lining up the winning shot you rested your hands on the pool table just in front of the eight ball, leaning forward and giving him what he considered to be the best view in the house. His eyes raked over you and even from your spot across the pool table you could see them darken but it only served as motivation instead of a deterrent, “as much as I love you, I’m not throwing the game that easily.” he said as he sank the ball and you groaned.
“I am not going to get used to hearing that,” Coyote said as you perched yourself on the edge of the pool table and pouted as he came to stand between your legs.
“Come on sweetheart, no one likes a sore loser.” he teased and you rolled your eyes, pushing him away. 
“I am not a sore loser,” you protested.
“You are when you’re drunk.” 
“I’m not that either,” you said, narrowing your eyes and he just laughed at you as he brushed your hair behind your ear.
“Oh princess, you are absolutely hammered.” He kissed the tip of your nose and you just smiled dopily at him.
“Okay, maybe I am…” you giggled as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you into him. You breathed in his cologne as you clung to him and sighed in content as he placed a kiss to the top of your head before you pulled away to look up at him. “Everything is perfect, so very perfect.” you said, turning your gaze to look over your friends, smiling as you saw Rooster and Phoenix over at the dart board, Coyote and Fanboy talking to a pair of girls at the bar, and Bob sitting in a booth keeping a watchful eye over everyone. 
“It really is, isn’t it?” he said, never moving his gaze from you as you lovingly looked at all of your friends.
“You cheeseball,” you said when you turned back to him and he just chuckled.
“Your cheeseball.” he said, cupping your face and pulling you in for a kiss, “I love you, darlin’.”
“I love you, too.”
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acearcane · 7 months ago
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Hell yeah, now that I’ve achieved ultimate boops, it’s time to pause and make a little post inspired by the ones @kittiwittebane and @willowsz-plants did.
I’ve only been on Tumblr for a few months, and already it’s been a lifesaver because I’ve met so many cool people who like the same things I like!! It’s great!! But that being said, there’s a few special moots who mean extra to me…
@lunar-jewels Literally my favorite person on this silly hellsite. The amount of chaos she and I have gotten up to is amazing… the headcanons we’ve procured… the memories will last a life time 😌✨ Plus, she’s my extra super cool beta reader, and QKD would be in deep shit without her!
@childlikegoblinqueen I’m sorry, but I’m with Katta; you’re hella cool. I get it I get it, you’re just some average joe, but when new-TOH-fan me, who had just binged SCOM, saw that you were my mutual, it was like the coolest thing ever.
@seafoamwolf Cousin. 🫵😐 But also the bestest person everrrr, and don’t you forget it!! Let us all remember her inspiring words when I came out to her… “Hell yeah, be gay do crime!” And so I shall… so I shall.
@yourlocalbimexican You may be a newer moot, but now not only are we both a part of the Veezine, but you always leave the best comments on QKD and it means a lot. Thanks for making this silly person in your device happy!! 🫡
@kittiwittebane Boop. But also you gave me a good laugh last night, and seriously, thank you for that!! It helped ward off the Monday blues. So anyway, we’re gonna be best friends now /lh /nf
@unniebeans We don’t interact much outside of tags or the occasional reblog, but you have a great vibe, and your posts usually make me laugh. Also, I’m usually not one for the spicier flavors, but your fics… 😏 that’s good shit there.
Honorable mentions to @oh-cramity-its-amity for being the coolest and letting me spam boop them, and @coffee-n-sleep for always saying “mate” in his comments on QKD. I read them and go, “Hell yeah, someone called me mate!” Don’t ask me why. It’s just cool.
Now this isn’t to say all my other moots and followers aren’t important. I smile every time I see any sort of like, comment, reblog, or ask. And actually, I’m 99% sure there’s someone I’m forgetting right now. I love you guys, and I hope you have an absolutely lovely day!!
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punkbakerchristine · 1 month ago
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coming up on a year of me baking, so here are some things i’ve picked up on along the way:
read the recipe, especially with baking. if a recipe tells you to do something, it’ll probably tell you. the biggest mistake i see happen with people on the great british baking show (especially the celebrity one) is people overthinking things. a recipe is basically a successful lab experiment that was recorded, so i would listen to them if i were you.
that cooked.wiki/ shortcut is a huge lifesaver. really, i don’t know where i would be without it.
baking is science. cooking is an art. in fact, it wasn’t until around the 18th century when women started entering the kitchen to bake. i.e., this whole trope that baking is a feminine thing flies right over my head.
as mary berry would say, chocolate melts in your pocket. in other words, it literally does not need that much heat in order to be tempered.
if chocolate is shiny, that’s good. if not, turn down the heat and keep going until it is.
good way to save a frosting that’s “split” or curdled in appearance: add some more liquid and keep beating it.
butter is your friend. so is olive oil. hell, any kind of fat is your friend—except margarine. avoid that shit at all costs.
oil is used in spice cakes because butter will turn them into bricks. oil makes it lighter and fluffier.
when you’re adding some more wet ingredients, add a little more flour. this will help balance out the batter. this works the other way, too: add a little more liquid if it’s too dry.
a good method of making chocolate a little more chocolate-y: add a tablespoon of coffee. i did this for the chocolate bailey’s cake on st. paddy’s day and my last two chocolate babkas and the chocolate came out rich and delicious.
cardamom does this with cinnamon and ginger. one of the reasons why i love my recipe for spice cake so much is because cardamom enhances all the spices.
literally the best way to stop yourself from overbeating a batter is pause the mixer as you pour in an egg, dry mixture, whatever. you spare yourself from injury doing this, too.
always flour your surface and rolling pin before you roll out your cookie dough/pie crust/any kind of dough. do the same with powdered sugar for marzipan and fondant, too.
literally watch caramel as its melting down and bubbling because it turns amber in the blink of an eye. another big mistake i see on tv all too often.
the hellofresh kits: their best proteins are their beef, shrimp, and anything ground up. their chicken and their pork can be pretty hit-and-miss, but when they’re good, they’re amazing.
wash your hands after handling any kind of raw meat, eggs, onions, and chili peppers. make sure your knife is sharp and you’re wearing some kind of protection when you’re slicing an onion (something i heard in welding and machine shop a lot whenever i took off my glasses: “nothing worse than a blind engineer.”)
don’t ever let anyone tell you that you have to laugh if things go awry in the kitchen in order to be classified as a good cook or chef. shit’s an emotional experience and you put your heart into the food, probably more than art or writing (and i get emotional over art all the time, and i’ve found i give more of myself in writing than i do art). like… i cried over a quiche.
i actually have mad respect for anyone who does vegan baking. i made a vegan chocolate cake back in january of this year and it was like a crepe 😅
bake what you like. i like spice cakes, anything chocolate, breads, cookies, pies, and tray bakes. i like stuff that’s kind of unusual like babka and anything jewish, canadian, latin, indian, or british. i like aromatic stuff. i like the kinds of goods you get at halloween or christmas, like they’re warm.
if you’re making something like a pot pie or a wellington, something that has an interior that needs to be cooked, cook it beforehand and then put it in the crust and bake it.
you actually don’t always have to blind bake a pie crust, like if it’s a meringue pie or one of those enclosed meat pies you can get in england. it is a good idea if you’re making a tart, a quiche, or any fruit pie, however.
forget pastry: if you can master bread, you can tackle anything.
when you’re baking bread, you don’t necessarily have to bloom the yeast—i guess some authors do this because it wakes up the yeast and preps it for the dough, but moisture + flour will do that trick as is.
keep the salt and yeast on opposite sides of the bowl. salt stunts the yeast and will take longer for the dough to rise.
depending on the type of dough, you can just knead bread with your hands. if anything, this is the best way to do it. go by time, too: my first loaf took me 15 minutes to knead until it felt as smooth as the inside of my arm; really put your arms and shoulders into it, too, make your muscles work (and this was back when i was still over 200 pounds, too).
fewer things in life are more satisfying than kneading bread dough. it’ll make your arms and shoulders nice and strong, too.
good way to tell if your bread is underproved: there’s a big split near the top. if you poke the dough, and it doesn’t bounce back right away, let it proof for longer. if you poke it, and it sort of collapses, it’s overproofed (never been a problem with me because i’m always on top of that, but i see it a lot in my bread making group on facebook).
mnemonic device for remembering the different types of meringues: french meringue starts with “f”, “f” for “foundation”, it’s the most basic meringue with the egg whites, cream of tartar, and sugar. swiss meringue. “sw”. “sweet”. “sweet water.” whip the egg whites over a bain-marie and add the sugar there (swiss meringue inexplicably is a bit sweeter than french). italian meringue is made by pouring a simple syrup into the egg whites so it looks like the boot of italy. at some point, i’ll come up with one for the different types of pastry cream 😅
salt is also your friend, even in sweet goods. especially in sweet goods.
it’s a little difficult to confuse salt with sugar (especially if you’re like me and you keep them in separate cupboards). a mere taste will save you on that, too.
145° is the safe temperature for beef and pork. 165° for chicken. 200° for bread.
iirc: it’s your cheekbone for rare beef. the tip of your nose for medium rare. your chin for medium.
less really is more with baking and cooking. this is another thing that people on baking shows do that drives me nuts (judges often don’t like it, either, believe it or not). you don’t need to add cherry, lemon, ginger, and nuts to that chocolate cake, becky, you can just do the nuts.
i just barely started with sourdough but so far, i’ve learned that with some recipes, when it misses, it REALLY misses. like i made sourdough english muffins a while back: they were good and we ate them at breakfast, but they were weirdly heavy, like hockey pucks.
i actually really don’t like it when there are other people in the kitchen with me. i’ve always been autonomous and did better working alone without any distractions. for this reason, i could never be on a baking show, what with all the cameras in your face and producers running around.
the more you bake, the more you’ll want to turn away from any store bought baked goods.
and finally, i really could not have become a baker at a better time, if i’m honest. i made my first loaf of bread on october 7, when the middle east fell into chaos again and this fated feeling swept over me. food in america is mostly comprised of things that aren’t even food, like high fructose corn syrup—that’s part of why i managed to lose 60 pounds since then, i know what’s going into what i put in my mouth and i can think ahead to what i’m going to eat through the day (and we wonder why american society is having the mother of all health crises, on a physical and mental level: everyone is eating garbage and not getting their vitamins, good fats, good carbs, and proteins, and everyone isn’t treating themselves to something comforting like a donut or a piece of pie). i hope more people realize this, too, like… when shit hits the fan and america descends into chaos itself, turn to those of us with the tools of the trade and like to work with our hands.
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