#not every dream is a vision or even needs to be analysed. sometimes there’s a random crystal in your bag and it’s not an omen of anything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rhine-gold-archive · 2 years

Text

Visions: Anemo

Another post in the series where I theorize on why people receive a specific vision. Prepare your ehehes, it’s Anemo time. You don’t need to read previous parts to understand this post, but you might find them interesting if you like character analyses.

First part: Cryo and Hydro; part two: Pyro; part three: Geo

So, what are the unifying traits of Anemo users? And no, “dead friend” does NOT count - first of all, not all of them have it, second, Zhongli has more dead friends than all of Anemo combined. Where are those who share the OsMAnTIUS WInE memory? Dead, demented or turned into a teddy bear, and Zhongli is still Geo, so jot that down.

But the “dead friend” trend is not accidental either, it’s just not so literal. For Anemo users, the world is an ever-changing whirlwind, and all of them have events that represent the uncontrollable upheaval of what they thought was unmovable - most often it’s death of someone close, but sometimes it’s just departure or a radical change of lifestyle. All of them were uprooted, picked up by the wind - and had to learn to ride the current instead of being thrown around by it.

But that’s not all, Anemo are not just leaves gliding in a storm. The critical part of Anemo is not just adjusting to the wind, but being able to seize the moment and plant the seeds of change that will bloom in future.

“Seeds of stories, brought by the wind and cultivated by time. Stories brought on the wind will bloom into legends in due time” - Thousand Winds Temple’s sundials.

Anemo and wind are closely tied with Time, or with Istaroth, the goddess of time. Thousand Winds Temple in Mondstadt connects Time with Winds. Specifically, Istaroth was the goddess of a thousand moments.

“She was the moment. She was every moment. She was the measure of a thousand winds and the sun and the moon. She was every second of joy, every moment of rage, every instant of longing, every minute of obsession. She was every flash of delirium.” - A scribe of Istaroth, as written in Before Sun and Moon.

For Venti, as we know, “before he gained power, he was a "single thread of the thousand winds that roared through the northern lands," and he very often mentions planting seeds of stories. And his whole modus operandi as Barbatos supports it. He doesn’t rule directly, he appears in critical moments of Mondstadt’s history to help to turn the tide and change direction in which the city grows. He wears a face of his friend, because he's planting the Nameless Bard's dream of freedom.

All Anemo have a dream, but it’s a dream that requires gradual growth through time. Jean dreams of perfect Mondstadt’s future, Sucrose wants to create a magical forest paradise she and her friends envisioned when they were little, Xiao dreams of peace and so on. So all of them glide through the storm of life, searching for the perfect moments to plant the seeds of change. Anemo's freedom is an ability to make choices despite what world tells you - and reap the consequences.

Also, most Anemo are connected with art, but specifically with performance art, the one that needs to be seen in the moment and cannot be captured - Xiao with dance, Venti and Kazuha with music, Sayu’s ninja skills are described as a performance art - “Amongst falling leaves, a silhouette vanishes in a flash, a gentle breeze blows, and a kite suddenly appears on the ground... The incredible scene is comparable to an artistic performance. Thus, whenever there is a festival, Sayu will be invited by various parties to perform her mysterious ninjutsu.”

And so all Anemo have: perception of the world as a whirlwind they learn to ride, a dream of future they wish to grow and ability to seize the moment to plant that dream, even if they are not the central actor bringing the change itself.

Sayu’s world was upended when her sensei left and she had to learn to act as a ninja by herself. She received her vision when she realized that she can seize the moment and turn it around: “It's not only strong brute force that can overpower everything, the weak have their own way of surviving. It's because you're weak that you can notice those unseen moments that change your fate... The chances of escaping from here are slim, but that's what my ninjutsu is for." Sayu is also literally - and comically - connected with trees, where her dream is literally to grow herself and she thinks that sleeping under trees will make her grow faster. It’s funny, sure, but it also shows her unconscious understanding of trees as a symbol of unity of winds and time in Genshin, a small seed of a story that will grow into a legend in time.

Sucrose is a perfect case study:“ Somewhere in a far-flung corner of Teyvat, there was an undiscovered domain with pretty pink flowers the height of a hundred people, teeny-tiny floating fairies flying over all the place, and beautiful unicorns, the pinnacle of perfection. Sucrose and her two best friends believed that if only they could reach this magical place, they would surely live happily ever after.” Sucrose lost her friends, one left with adventurer parents and never returned and the other suffered tragedy and broke ties with Sucrose, - that was her upheaval that showed her that the world can be changed in an instant. “Sucrose realized: Though she had never had the chance to find the entrance to that wondrous place, she now had the opportunity to be the creator of her own paradise. Thus began her study of bio-alchemy, and she poured all of her curiosity and passion into it.” - this is the dream the seeds of which she is, quite literally, planting.

Xiao’s world was upended several times - first when he was turned into a slave of a vicious god, then he was freed by Morax and became one of guardian yakshas, and then he lost his yaksha friends and was almost lost to corruption himself. He dreams of peace - “He longs for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers,” but Xiao’s tragedy is that unlike other Anemos, his dream cannot be achieved by planting seeds, it has to be won by destroying the evil corrupting the land, and that corruption is literally endless. The fact that Xiao has to be a fighter is another thing that fuels his self-loathing: like all Anemos, he values creation, beauty and growth, while thinking he’s only good for slaughter and destruction. While I’ve been known to make callout posts @Morax about how he needed to retire Xiao before leaving himself, I do have to admit it probably wouldn’t work straightforwardly. Not because he HAS to keep fighting - millelith canonically has shit under control and Wangshu Inn keeps posting commissions to kill monsters nearby before Xiao sees them, not because they are dangerous - manager calls them “nothing more than an eyesore”, - but because Xiao’s PTSD makes him flip out and destroy things when he notices them. But being guardian is his only purpose in life right now and he’d probably lose the will to live completely if he was deprived of it. He needs to find some positive application for himself before he can retire, and his self-loathing makes this very hard. Zhongli needs to like assign him as a bodyguard to some traveling troupe or smth, where he can be gradually involved in performances in wacky found family shenanigans by the fellow musicians until finally becoming dancer like he always wanted. Hoyo, contact me, we can make an entire anime sitcom out of this.

Jean had few upheavals in her life - first, her family split, and then Varka peaced out and left the city on Jean’s shoulders. “After seeing the Grand Master off, Jean sat by the window and thought to herself: Upon your return, I will show you a kinder, more prosperous, and more peaceful Mondstadt.” - this is her dream, but Jean’s problem is that unlike other Anemos who wait for the perfect moment to plant their dream, Jean feels the need to use EVERY moment to do so - this is why she is a workaholic, she sees the growth of her dream in using every waking second to do good for Mondstadt, no matter how small. Jean is also connected with the Windrise tree, a symbol of Vanessa’s ascension - and another seed of wind grown into legend.

It’s not hard to see Kazuha as a leaf being thrown around by the strong winds - the last offspring of the disgraced noble family who had to turn into a wandering samurai, then had to flee the country after the Vision hunt decree and death of his close friend, then joined a pirate crew, then helped Rebellion to fight Raiden Shogun. “His journey was like the rise and fall of a mountain path — at times, the struggle was all but too much to bear, but there would always be moments when he would touch the clouds.” Kazuha’s understanding of the Moment is impeccable, shown not only in his penchant for haiku, but in his talent of sensing danger and reading nature - “All travelers who outdoors roam need some skill to call their own. For Kazuha, this is his ability to read the sounds of nature.” His dream is a dream of constant movement and unity with the world - “If one's heart is empty, all things in heaven and earth are empty; if one's heart is pure, all things in heaven and earth are pure. With his sword in his hand and his chosen path in his heart, he could go on his way with a song on his lips and with nothing to fear, no matter the perils he may face." This is why he’s a foil to Raiden’s idea of eternity represented in absolute, unchanging stasis, fear of loss and grief, but Ill elaborate on that another time.

Heizou is not released yet, so I want to have some fun and make a prediction - I think as an anemo detective, his “thing” will be the ability to read chaos in a moment - to see all seemingly unconnected elements thrown in the whirlwind and read the path of currents that brought them here, find the logic in seemingly random collection of things.

#rhine meta #Genshin #genshin impact #rhine talks #venti #xiao #Kazuha #long post

116 notes · View notes

sokkagatekeeper · 3 years

Note

what do you mean when you say that zuko is a pessimistic idealist and sokka is a pessimistic realist? i love your analyses and i’d love to hear more of your thoughts on that!!! (also love how you say sokka and zuko are perfect for each other because they’re both grumps lol)

i do not remember saying that however it does sound like something i would say lmao. i think what i (would) mean with the statement “zuko is a pessimistic idealist” is that he grew up... idk if unappreciated is the exact word, but in the militaristic hypermasculine society that valued traits that he did not have in comparison to azula, zuko was always at a disadvantage and he had to run for it, sometimes make rash decisions as they were the better/only decisions he could make at all in order to be appreciated and most times it did not pay off which resulted in the entire mess that is zuko’s personality. for all of this, zuko has a tendency to see the worst part of the situation he’s in (coming to mind atm ‘it blew up in my face — like everything always does!’ ‘this city is a prison’ more or less?), so in other words he’s grumpy and kinda sour as hell, all the time.

but at the same time, zuko has a certain... idea of the world, a kind and caring heart, a strong sense of justice, an overall vision for a world that’s good. when zuko comes to understand the fire nation is actually actively pushing back this vision, and he practically immediately turns away from its ideals and pursues a philosophy and a group that actually fit his ideas of what’s better for the world. zuko spent three years at sea looking for a myth, in hopes that finding it would finally put an end to his suffering, making him and katara the only people in the world who truly believed the avatar was still out there. zuko is always expecting everything to blow up in his face like it often did throughout his childhood, and he sees the worst part of the situation before anything else but he always pushes back to make it better, or to what he believes would be making it better.

my favorite example of this is during the blue spirit after zuko finds out zhao got the avatar before him, and he gives iroh a speech about how all hope is lost for him and he will never ever have love honor or happiness ever again, and about five hours later he’s behind a theatre mask with two swords against the world rescuing the avatar just so he can capture this avatar himself in the future, while also letting him go afterwards because it’s not honorable to take him in the easy manner he could take him at that precise moment(???) and that was just nuts. therefore pessimistic idealist.

on the other hand there’s sokka.

sokka is a pessimist through and through, a serial complainer, a paranoid neurotic strategist. sokka grew up in disadvantage to the rest of the world and overshadowed by a his little sister — not because katara was a bender and sokka was not, but because katara was the last bender they had left. i’ve talked about this before but basically it’s no wonder katara is a solid optimistic idealist with all the hope and faith and determination in the world while sokka is a pessimistic realist and pragmatic depressed cynical bastard. presumably his village but also sokka put himself at disadvantage. it is safe to assume sokka sacrificed his own uhh. hope? naivetè? innocence? for katara to keep hers and in order to protect her better — after all katara is the last southern waterbender, their collective hero, and you can’t have a hero with no hope, you can’t have a dead hero. and also sokka is an eldest sibling, it’s instinctual.

now don’t get me wrong, sokka has a huge heart full of love and devotion and wonder. he is an inventor, an artist, a scientist. sokka is filled with ideas, but he is always waiting for the lowest blow, he is always waiting for a disaster to happen (and with a good reason!). sokka believes optimists are liars, he thinks destiny and fate is more or less bullshit, he has a pragmatic and careful approach to almost every situation he’s presented with and even though he has a clear sense of morality, he is willing to make certain sacrifices as are the demands of war – where zuko is willing to save zhao without hesitation, who tried to kill him multiple times and whom he had been fighting not one minute ago, for example.

sokka wants the world to be a better place, and at the same time he has little trouble turning away from people who aren’t in any immediate danger even if they are suffering because he has more pressing matters at hand (the painted lady), he obviously would want the avatar to come back and save them, but aang being a complete stranger signaling to a fire nation ship is most definitely a valid justification for sokka to banish him (the boy in the iceberg/the avatar returns i don't remember lol). among many many many other situations in which sokka is technically right, even if it doesn’t fit other characters’ idealistic views or it doesn’t make for a good story, sokka is the realist they all need in order to survive.

also i admit ‘perfect for each other’ can be kind of a stretch and i believe that it being because they’re both grumpy is kinda reductive since that can also be the basis of mai and zuko’s relationship and we all know what i think of those two aksjaks (this is NOT mai slander. # mai deserves better 2k21). however i do think sokka and zuko fit together because they have different types of emotional constipation and they actively push each other to be more balanced in order to reach to the other. sokka wants to believe deep down, and the fact that he is in a story even if he doesn’t really believe it plays its cards sometimes which translates into the universe’s obsession with sokka, and zuko is destiny fan #1 so he can give sokka an overemotional speech once in a while that sokka will ruthlessly dismiss and dismantle verbally but that at the same time will warm his heart and help him loosen up on his scheduled cerebral to a default existence on the long-run; zuko needs grounding once in a while which he usually got from iroh or at the very least iroh made an attempt to get through him, and sokka is intellectually crude enough to give zuko a reality check while making himself understood and because of their shared wavelength he can do this without crushing all of zuko’s hopes and dreams in the process.

they are also two eldest siblings one with depression the other filled with rage and they are the only real ‘pessimists’ in the gaang, so while yes, zuko will take action to solve problems he will also complain about it forever more and he can do that with sokka. together they can yell at god, complain about jocks, complain about prescriptivists, bond over their very niche taste in art that nobody ever understands, and absolutely tear apart everything that doesn’t fit their competence standard (it’s a very high fucking standard, those are two grumpy neurodivergent people) among many other grump-activities that seem to make them miserable but that actually serve both of them to validate their annoyed kind of love for the world and it makes both of them really happy :)

#this got so fucking long and for what #sokka #zuko #zukka #i hope this was what u were expecting anon 😭#analysis #n #asks #anon

79 notes · View notes

capri-ramblings · 4 years

Note

I don’t know if you’re still doing requests but if so, I reallly liked the not wanting a child one with Vil Leona and Malleus. Could you do it with Lilia, Rook, Azul, Floyd, and riddle? If you have time? If that’s too many people than just Azul, Rook and lilia. Only if you’re able to. Thank you. Have a nice day. 💖💖💖

Oh boi this was challenge but I love how it turned out! Sometimes when writing dialogues for the boys,I hear their Japanese voices and the struggle of needing to find the English equivalent to that hurts my braincells 😂😂 I'm looking at you, Floyd (눈‸눈) Lmao but really,I enjoyed writing this, so thank you for requesting this! Hope you all like it as much as I do ♥️ imsorryriddlegotangstyandimblackbutlertrash

Warning; Toxic relationships and mentions of physical abuse

Lilia Vanrouge

- He's planned this the moment he realized he wanted to be with you! Children are a hassle, true, but the thought of being the father to your child made Lilia want to run in circles.

- He was aware of how you often avoided the question though,and unlike Malleus, he was more patient as he slipped in small hints and tested the waters. Seeing which part of the topic took you off.

- Lilia, ancient and wise, believed that if he pushed you the wrong way, nothing good would come out of it. You'd be unhappy and an unhappy mother would lead to an unhappy child, and that's the last thing he'd want.

- Lilia sees the image of him standing beside you with your three children almost every single time he looks at you, and he knows happiness is key!

- So,he pampers you and he studies you. Every single reaction you give him, he digests it then analyses it and finally forms an approach.

- The two of you were in his manor's library when he went into the conversation, and as he expected you were trying to divert the whole topic.

- "I'm practically a child myself, I don't think I can handle such a responsibility...I'm sorry,Lilia" You hung your head low,averting his gaze when he came up beside you.

- Lilia was always hard to read. He wore the exact same expression most of the time and even when he's in a whole other mood, it doesn't show.

- When he intertwined your fingers with his though, a slight sense of relief washed over you and a small smile curved on your lips when Lilia pecked your cheek.

- "But little lantern, having small candles beaming through the manor would be pleasant in a way wouldn't it? I'd especially spend more time here with them" His voice was so soothing then, you could never have sensed the sourness in it at all. The way he simply and casually carried his aloof air around you, and had you feeling a sensational warmth from the way his hand held yours.

- You were clueless to the fact he was spinning you into a web. One you'd never be able to escape from.

- "And think of the things you could teach them about your world! Or how anyone can do anything despite having no magic"

- "Doesn't that bother you though? Our children not having magic?"

- The word 'Our' perked his ears. Lilia smiled, feigning an innocence you were too naive to see was rehearsed.

- "It doesn't. Any child from you is magic already."

- "You say that, but you could have children as strong as Malleus if I wasn't a simple human"

- Ah, that's when Lilia's plans ticked perfectly.

- "It's because you're human I want to have children with you,little lantern"

- "I'm here with you now because despite being considered someone defenceless against mages, you've proved yourself to be just as capable as the next student, even more so actually! You're a mystery,my love bird. Don't you see that?"

- You didn't. Of course not. You came from a place where magic was a fairytale, nothing but fiction. Twisted Wonderland was a place you had to struggle even more to be able to have your own footing and none of your trials were easy.

- He saw you as someone so special despite that? Your heart clenched at his words.

- And that's how he gets to you. He doesn't try it once and forces you into it when you refuse. No, Lilia simply keeps pushing.

- He'll make you feel as if you were no different to him or the other Twisted Wonderland residents who wielded powers you can't.

- His words would coo in your head whenever you doubted that a child of yours would do well in this version of the world.

- "They'll have you as a mother after all. Strong and reliable,they won't have any problems you couldn't fix!"

- "Bullied? You wouldn't allow such a thing in the first place"

- "Imagine them having eyes just like yours. Maybe then you'd be able to see how fiery your spirit is!"

- Lilia knows you all too well. Your lack of joy when talking about children came from the fact you were afraid you couldn't be good at it. Poor thing, being constantly dogged at by Crowley to run errands that drained you with exhaustion and confronting people who thought magic made them powerful. It's no wonder you feel numb from it.

- Oh,but no worries. His plan is perfect, and plays well for both of you.

- You don't want a child because you feared it being neglected? He'll just change that image of yours.

- On the day, you wake up to the sound of a baby crying and realized it was simply from a dream, you swear you've never felt so empty before. So, incomplete.

- Lilia doesn't bring up the subject of children for a while and it makes you anxious. Did he not want them anymore? Did your constant refusal made him give up on that? Give up on you?

- Your thoughts would run wild until you find yourself wrapping your arms around Lilia, teary eyed and apologizing as if the words had been burned into your throat and you desperately wanted it out before you lost your voice.

- And Lilia being the ever so gentle,ever so understanding lover, would hold you. Cooing to you as he plays with your hair softly.

- He'll ask you what was wrong, the hue in his gaze shifting when you stare deeply into them and you'll shed tears.

- "It's okay,my sweet" He coos, smiling, despite your sorrow weighing down the room. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

- Lilia takes the long route to having children but it's all worth the wait when he sees you smiling lovingly at the newborn child in your arms as you gesture to the five year old next to you to come see their younger sibling.

- "Mommy,look, same eyes as you!" Cheered the child, and you perk up at the sight. Lilia was right, children were perfect remedies to a tired soul.

Azul Ashengrotto

- The thought of children,at first, terrified him. It'd be like trying to leash two more Floyds, wouldn't it? But then Jade mentioned that having children was similar to having a contract and something just clicked in his head.

- If he impregnated you, it'd be harder to run from him, right? And when he was truly a father then you'd have to look up to him to care for both you and the child, right?

- Of course! How didn't he see this sooner? What a fool.

- Azul would be hellbent on wanting a child and he'd try his hands at it multiple times, and was equally disappointed each time since all you ever did was refuse.

- "Kids are too hard to handle. We'd both be busy, and I don't think even Jade would have time to juggle them around when we can't." You sounded so bitter, so disapproving. It made Azul feel all dejected, as if you were just disgusted at the thought of having his seed inside of you.

- From then on,Azul starts to mope. His cool composure slips from time to time and it gets too often that Jade has to handle most of the clients. He'll pull a face when you ask him what's wrong and harshly tells you to leave him alone

- He's hurt,but he doesn't want to say it and he frustratingly tries to wrap his head around a plan to make his desire come true, playing out multiple routes in his mind to find a weak spot he could probe you with.

- "Why don't you want a child?" Azul asked you this right after closing Mostro Lounge. There's a hint of sorrow in his blue gaze when you come to meet it, and you wonder if you were too blunt with your answer.

- You shifted on your feet, something you did out of habit, and Azul took note of how out of place you seemed.

- "Cause I don't think either of us are ready?" You answer and in a split second, Azul's sorrow sharpened into irritation and you could just feel how badly that answer set him off.

- "Was that supposed to be an answer or a question?"

- "Azul, I don't want to fight over this." You reach out a hand to place on his shoulder, but he slapped it away with surprising speed and the hit leaves you slightly stunned. He'd never hit you before.

- "It's someone else isn't it?" He asked, almost a murmur. The way his gaze seemed to latch onto you then gave off an unsettling feeling.

- "You're seeing someone else,aren't you? That's why you don't want to have kids with me."

- "Azul,what are you—"

- He moved swiftly, but when his hands came to grip you by your shoulders, his nails sunk into your skin and his lips snarled at you.

- "Who is it? Tell me or I can't promise I won't hurt you right now." His rage practically frothed and you found no words to compensate for your lack of comprehension of the situation.

- "I don't care if it's Jade or Floyd. I'll take out anyone who wants to take you away from me!"

- Your lips parted,to speak perhaps, but Azul silenced you with his spiteful stare.

- "You're mine, aren't you? Why won't you just admit it? Why won't you just accept me already?"

- You thought the pain was from the words he threw at you; Sharp it resembled a hit from a whip,but then your vision had blurred and you were coughing up dry air it made your lungs hurt to take in anymore. Then you felt something run down the side of your lips, and only then did you realized Azul had thrown you right across the room and the wall collided against your body.

- There was a scream, so filled with frustration it wrecked your entire being you had to curl up in a ball before a strangled whimper came from your lips.

- "You're taking everything from me" Azul said, his still gaze watching your crumpled form. He sounded distant as if he wasn't really there, yet when he came over to cup your face with his hands, he had felt so real it hurt to look.

- You were so broken in his grasp then, he was sure you didn't even know where such anger came from, then again Azul was always aware of how reluctant you were in your relationship. You were with him only because he stirred you up in a contract. You never really did loved him as much as he loves you.

- The rising pleasure of being able to make you go through at least a portion of the pain he had to go through was surprisingly pleasant to have.

- He laughed before pulling your face close to his,nose almost touching. "Look how beautiful you are when you don't run your mouth or fight back", the words came in a coo yet you shivered from it.

- "I could make us the happiest couple in the world,you know. Our children would be the best among the best." Azul placed a lingering kiss on your lips, the scent of your blood edging him on. When you weakly tried to pull away, he gripped harder and bit your cheek until it bled and you were letting out small whimpers.

- "Don't cry,my sweet small seashell. If it hurts, I'm here for you. I'll make everything okay again. So, stop crying,I don't want our night of conceiving to be filled with tears."

Rook Hunt

- "Little Lamb, aren't you well enough to give me children?"

- You were merrily drinking tea when this question came out of the blue.

- Rook stood behind the chaise you were sitting on, his arms gracefully enveloping you in an embrace as his breath grazed your skin. He smelled of the forest right after rain, and his words left you rather stunned.

- "In the letter I received from Vil, he and his small hare were planning on having children of their own", he bent down slightly, enough to place a kiss on your cheek before he went around the chaise and faced you. The smile he wore rivalled the morning sun itself.

- You tried to collect your thoughts, tried to piece up the right words to tell him that you simply did not want children. In the end though,you decided it was better to just come out and say it.

- "Rook—"

- "Yes,my love?" His eyes seemed to beam, and Rook's eyes always beamed but this time, it was as if he had been playing the scene of your children running around the halls of his manor the entire day. Mesmerized was the word you'd use to describe it. Your chest tightened at the thought of breaking that dream of his. But you had to tell him...This was something you truly didn't want.

- "I don't want children,Rook." Blunt and precise, the words came from you without hesitation, and in that piercing second that held the room in silence, Rook felt his heart sank into the metallic jaws of disappointment. A mighty bear caught in the savage claws of man's horrid trap.

- He blinked. Once, then twice. By the third blink, you were already regretting your refusal and desperately searched for a way to amend for it.

- Unfortunately for you,Rook had already taken great damage, and as a result, he completely shrugged off your comment.

- "It would be splendid, wouldn't it? I would teach our sons to hunt and our little princess would have an entire garden built for her!"

- "Rook, didn't you hear—"

- "Yes! I can see it already! Our family would be such a joy to have!"

- You stood up then, exasperated by how delusional he sounded. You knew he didn't like the answer you gave him but to just pretend as if he hadn't listen! Just when you were about to turn on your heels to speak your mind,Rook stood as well, swiftly without a sound, and with the strength of a seasoned hunter he gripped you firmly by the waist and hoisted you up into the air.

- Your scream lodged in your throat and blood rushed to your head. Instinctively you held onto his hands, but when your eyes finally locked onto his, the deep-set emerald of his gaze turned luscious and vicious all at the same time and your words lost their volume.

- His lips curled, deliberately coy. When he lowered you and pressed your lips against his, your body flinched.

- "You'll give me good children,won't you?", he murmured before another kiss stole your breath again.

- "My precious dove, you'll make a fine mother."

Floyd Leech

- "Nee,nee, little shrimp,let's have kids,okay?" Floyd threw his arms around you as casually as always but the words he had said with the same amount of casualness was what staggered you on your feet.

- His sharp teeth bared,lips pulled into a grin, Floyd eyed you with great interest.

- You returned it with a terrified look.

- "No." You blurted out before even thinking, and Floyd frowned faster than he had grinned.

- "Why?" Flat and practically monotonous, his question sent a chill down your spine and you bit your lip out of habit.

- Floyd had always been unpredictable, mostly because he acted on how he felt rather than thinking it through first, and that's how you saw this whole situation. Maybe someone had said something, or maybe he met up with Cheka and somehow thought it would be nice to have kids, but he didn't really meant it. Right?

- "Nee,why don't you want kids?" He repeated his question, inching closer to you as you tried to avoid any physical trigger that would set him off. The mer-male had a tendency to bully you whenever you showed him any hint of feeling inferior to him, and that often ended with Jade having to tend to the 'love marks' he left behind on your body.

- "Why do you want kids anyway?" You shot back, minding how your tone sounded while still seeming firm. "They take up a lot of time you know? I'd have to pay more attention to them than to you"

- At the statement, Floyd arched his brows. The distant look in his eyes told you he was having a thought before his expression turned lax.

- "That's okay, I'll be there anyways so it's no big deal"

- "What?"

- "Hm? I'm telling you it's okay,little shrimp. Even Jade said he'd help around if it gets too much"

- He snaked his arms around your waist,pulling you real close to his chest until he could squeeze you tight.

- "It'll be fun,won't it?"

- Your body reacted before you could even comprehend anything, and it was only after you heard the dull thud of Floyd's back hitting the wall did you realized you had pushed him away.

- "You pushed me" He said this so softly, you thought you only heard it in your head but then he lifted his gaze and the mismatched orbs held such malice, your stomach lurched.

- "Floyd,I'm sorry...I didn't mean it, I just—"

- "Shut up. You're really pissing me off. " He elicited the words,each enunciation cut into sharp edges of glass scraping against your skin you wanted to close your eyes and run away from the whole thing.

- But with Floyd,if you ran, it meant you'd already lost.

- "What's with you? I ask all nicely and hug you and stuff, and you're pushing me? Jade said you didn't like kids but I told him that if it was with me you'd definitely say yes, cause after all, you're my little shrimp right?"

- You opened your mouth to speak, to say anything to avoid him having a tantrum, but Floyd let out a low growl and cut you off before you could.

- "Ah,I'm annoyed now. You should've just said yes but now...Now,I want you to come here"

- He opened his arms, the look in his eyes a spiral of aggression that shredded through your nerves.

- "I said come here,___, or you're gonna make me even more angry"

- You hated the way your body reacted to him. How it felt like you were a ghost in your own body as you watched yourself obey him.

- The coldness of his embrace had tears brimming your eyes and you pressed your face into his chest as if it was an instinct. An instinct to protect yourself.

- Floyd eased into your desperation, arms closing around you as he held you in his grasp. He was smiling but it was bland and it was meant to scare you.

- "Aha, you're crying! Aw,did you think I was gonna hurt you,little shrimp?"

- You shook your head,hands gripping onto his shirt as Floyd patted your head playfully.

- "Ah,it's cause you went and made me mad, right? Hahaha! You're a funny one,little shrimp. Always getting yourself into things you can't handle"

- Floyd then cupped your face with both hands, a feverishly possessive look in his eyes.

- "But,If you're really sorry you'll have to show me,okay?"

Riddle Roseheart

- Funnily enough,the suggestion of having children was brought up by Cater, and it had taken both you and Riddle off guard.

- Though, unlike you, Riddle saw it as an enlightenment. He adores you and acknowledges you to a great degree and so when the thought of being a father to your child crossed his mind, everything changed for him.

- "Children would be nice" He said,voice a soft lull as he nuzzled into the crook of your neck. The two of you had been laying on his bed all day, Riddle claiming his fellow dormmates had made his day stressful as always.

- You were running your fingers through his hair when his question struck a cord in you,yet you opted to keep your thoughts to yourself.

- Riddle was a rather conflicting partner to have. Unlike the other yanderes, he wasn't at all aggressive or wholly dominant when he began his recession of obsessive love for you, at least not all the time. When Riddle admitted his feelings for you, he had laid himself bare.

- Gentle but clingy, he latched himself onto you as if you were stitched together, and due to the lack of childhood his mother deprived him of, Riddle found great comfort in the way you handled him with such an understanding and loving attitude. Sure,you had your days when you let loose your tongue of sarcasm but that was also an aspect about you he adored.

- "Don't you think so,____?"

- Riddle called you by your first name now rather than your title as supervisor, he didn't have a nickname, said it was all just too stuffy for him. Plus, the way your name rolled so lusciously on his tongue, satisfied him.

- "I guess" was your answer, and somehow despite how casual you sounded Riddle couldn't help but to hear a slight hint of disapproval in it.

- Still, he smiled when he looked up to you and let out a gentle laugh.

- "Our children would surely be an outstanding batch, won't they? I'd teach them how to use their magic and if one of them can't, they'll have you" He sounded so genuine, so soft. It hurt you to inwardly disagree with him.

- You weren't really fond of kids but you were also not the type to admit it out loud, afraid that people would look at you badly if you did.

- "Hmm, you don't seem like you're excited..." ,His voice a gentle coo,Riddle pressed his body against yours,his lips lightly caressing your skin. You arched your back and a small laugh escaped him.

- "Doesn't the thought of having children makes you want to try it?"

- If your silence didn't set him off, the way fear swirled in the hues of your eyes did, and like a switch, Riddle clasped your throat with his hand, a snarl scrunching up his expression.

- "Answer me when I talk to you,____."

- You let out a strangled gasp,your hand coming up to grip his wrist only to feel it burn instead

- Riddle's gaze shifted,clear blue eyes resembling a flickering flame.

- "Don't touch me. If you even move from this position, I'll rip that head off of you faster than the March Hare himself."

- You flinched at his words,eyes shutting close as your chest throbbed in panic. This was what you were avoiding, yet ultimately failed to notice. His moods shifted so profoundly after all, it was like treading on Alice Liddle's stubbornness.

- "I... I'm sorry!" You managed,half a sob and half a plea. Despite his hands looking so fragile, Riddle's grip was like an iron clamp, and somehow his skin seemed to burn into yours.

- "If you're sorry, then why am I still angry,___?" Riddle laughed, "Why do I still want to punish you?"

- You broke into tears easily after that, hopelessness coursing through your veins and warping your features.

- This broke his heart as well, Riddle now knew the answer he was waiting for. You didn't want children with him.

- Near tears himself,Riddle released his grip on you, letting you fall onto his mattress and curl into a ball as he sat there, kneeling before you. He watched as you let out an agonizing sob and called his name,for what reason he wasn't sure. He didn't know if you really loved him or not. You probably stayed because you feared him as well like most people did. But he loved you,he really did. If the world he lived in was a twisted Wonderland, you were his salvation, his home.

- "I'm sorry,___",he said after tears had stained his own cheeks and his heart weighed him down and his chest felt like exploding. He inched closer to you before gathering your trembling form into his arms and burying your face into his chest.

- "I'm sorry I hurt you. I won't do it again,I promise" He held you so tight, you couldn't even grasp enough air into your lungs,but you held onto him nonetheless.

- "I don't like hearing you cry" Riddle murmured in-between sobs, "I love you,___. I just wanted to show you that I do"

- He repeated those words like a mantra, and you fell deeper into your sorrows, as if you shared a single heart with him and the pain the two of you felt somehow had mixed together until you were unable to tell them apart.

- Love with Riddle was maddening,it really was. It was like diving into a rabbit hole. Endless.

- "I love you too, Riddle. I'm sorry for making you mad"

- "I don't care about that anymore" Riddle held your face in his hands,cheeks flushed when you leaned close to kiss his lips first. "I don't care about children or anything. I just want to be with you"

- You smiled. "Maybe having a few wouldn't hurt,if it's yours,I'll be okay,won't I?"

- He pressed his forehead against yours, chuckling, "Yes,my Lady"

658 notes · View notes

ufonaut · 4 years

Note

I hope this isn’t annoying, but what’s your take on how dragon king and the wizard viewed jordan and henry’s weird power relationship and differing views on project New America? Like how henry allowed jordan to be in charge before hank died, and how jordan’s ideas didn’t seem to translate to henry’s endgame in the finale? It sucks that we missed henry’s speech later in the season because I would have loved to see the other ISA’s reaction to henry’s new (well more like stepped-into) power. Like dragon king seemed invested in jordan’s dream and the wizard probably believed more in what jordan would have wanted instead of what henry enacted, you know? Also sorry if this sounds like an essay prompt- the ISA relationship, especially jordan and henry makes me feral 😅

absolutely no worries, this isn’t annoying at all! might be the film student in me talking but analysing my favourite media is my no 1 hobby & passion so there’s nothing more validating than anyone being interested in my thoughts, genuinely thank you for reaching out to me!!! sorry it took me a hot minute to get back to you, i wanted to make sure i’d have the time to get into it because i really do genuinely love this

OKAY. LET’S DO THIS. ONE BY ONE.

first off, i think it’s important to note that the project: new america is actually the world’s most high stakes game of telephone. not a single person in the isa has the same vision for the endgame here nor for the means to achieve it

that being said, dr ito fundamentally couldn’t have been invested in jordan’s dream. out of every character in stargirl, he’s the one who’s changed the least and who has remained the most comic book-y level of one-dimensional evil (disclaimer: not a bad thing! sometimes rule of cool is well-earned, particularly in the case of lizard men). let’s recap what we actually know for a fact about dr shiro ito:

so we’ve got the following conclusions: ‘controversial’ scientist specifically means scientist for the axis powers in wwii. while in real life the creators of the bacilli bombs weren’t prosecuted as war criminals despite japan frequently using chemical weapons, dr ito’s so-called execution takes place well within the timeline of the real life IMTFE/the tokyo war crimes tribunal and it’s very likely that he was less executed and more declared dead after secretly fleeing the country (hence his current residence being blue valley’s sewers). while in the comics his ultimate goal is to became the emperor of japan and subsequently take over the world, the facts of the case haven’t changed when they’ve been adapted for stargirl

that’s one of the reasons i tend to be pretty baffled when i see any fandom affection or “”soft””” headcanons directed at dr ito considering surely it’d be obvious how outright stupid that is if he’d been outright called, say, a nazi scientist. that’s another discussion though! what i mean by all this is that dr ito isn’t in any way, shape or form a man who believes or is invested in jordan’s dream. as a matter of fact, i think it’s pretty clear he’s got his own power play within the isa

he’s not well-liked (for the obvious reasons above and the lizard-ness) within the gang and it’s obvious that he spends the majority of his time doing his own experiments in the basement with the drones/zombies/whatever you wanna call them. i think his plan for the machine was a genuine mind-control thing that he needed henry for and his own endgame isn’t remotely similar to the rest of the isa’s. that being said, he clearly holds henry in some regard (fellow evil doctor?) going by the letter he sent him about hank & the fact that he doesn’t address him as anything other than “dr king”. my personal headcanon is that he actually talked his way into the isa by offering a palpable method (the machine) of achieving the so-called “dream” and his goals are much more aligned with henry’s. it’s equally likely that it’s henry who insisted on dr ito joining up in a rare show of leadership, especially if jordan & co aren’t actually aware of his history

dr ito, like everyone else, doesn’t appear to respect jordan as much as he simply keeps him at arm’s length -- as he does with everyone else who isn’t henry, at any rate. jordan falters on the stairs in episode 4 when he sees dr ito in the meeting room! he’s distinctly and visibly tense! it feels less like a talk between teammates and more like begrudging allies, with an implied possibility of backstabbing at every turn (”i won’t betray you, like the shade”, “i won’t fail, like the wizard” etc etc. are suspiciously specific denials!). sure, dr ito says he believes in the injustice society but i think the emphasis there is on injustice and his goals that have changed very little since the war. if nothing else, he simply believes in an exceedingly long con

AS FOR THE WIZARD. i think he & jordan were actually friendly and somewhat united in their goals. we’ve got the following neil interview:

where he calls william jordan’s friend, despite also saying in the stargirl after hours podcast that jordan has “zero friends” (and which i assume to mean that there’s no one left after wizard). they’ve clearly got a somewhat close relationship considering jordan left william in charge in his absence (a possible reference to wizard being the leader of the original comics isa but no doubt a testament to their similar povs as well), he doesn’t shy away from calling him literally four times in a row and william does sincerely seem to be the only person in the world to respect jordan to some degree. he’s certainly the opposite of dr ito in that he’s aligned with jordan’s general idea of helping people rather than what the plan turns into after henry takes over. the problem, however, is that jordan very evidently lost his trust in william somewhere along the line

now, i’ve seen a couple posts around here claiming that jordan could’ve just gone into politics (which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of his character and, again, a different discussion for another day) but we know for a fact that he distrusts and dislikes politicians. that’s precisely the rift between him and william! jordan is fighting for real actual change, for a genuine & humanising way to help people and that’s near impossible to be done through politics. regardless of how much william would’ve been able to do through his job, the fact of the matter is that there would always be compromises & corruption. despite william believing in jordan’s plan, it’s jordan (for once!) who can’t reconcile his dreams with william’s actions

beyond that, promises are everything to jordan because he’s spent the past decade tied to the promise he made christine and he’d never even dream of breaking that. the perceived betrayal of an unkept promise (to take care of the isa? of henry?) is unbearable to him. no matter how much he might like william, the measures he takes seem necessary in the moment precisely because of all this

so, ultimately, i think the isa are well aware of the dynamics between henry & jordan and they’ve more or less split between them in accordance with their personal goals. i really do wish we could’ve seen henry’s cut speech too though!

EXCUSE THE ESSAY BUT I HOPE IT ANSWERED A COUPLE QUESTIONS & PLEASE LET ME KNOW UR THOUGHTS!!! THANK U AGAIN!!!!!

#stargirl #isa #injustice society of america #dragon king #dr ito #wizard #william zarick #jordan mahkent #icicle #henry king sr #brainwave #meta #stargirl meta #anon #ask

8 notes · View notes

whoisbxcky · 5 years

Text

‘Till Next Time, Doll.

summary: Bucky is fatally wounded on a mission and you’re forced to say goodbye.

pairing: bucky x reader

word count: 2k

warnings: death, blood, angst, my own breaking heart if you squint

author’s note: Should I have written this at 2am after copious amounts of red wine? No. Did I? Yes. Gets a little cringe in the last paragraph but I needed something to giggle at after writing this.

Sometimes, there’s no warning at all.

In the chaos of battle, stray bullets and flying shrapnel are easy to miss. Especially for those who aren’t gifted with enhanced senses or reflexes. Y/N grimaced as a bullet that was meant for Natasha flew just centimetres away from her left ear.

“Y/N, you good?” Came Romanoff’s voice over the comms. Y/N grinned, dodging a Hydra agent who had snuck up behind her while she was distracted, her fist connected with his jaw while her right leg snuck in behind his own, the impact causing him to fly back onto the floor. Her heel came down with a sharp crack onto his face, leaving him out cold, and likely in need of a good plastic surgeon’s contact details.

“Living the dream, Nat. Although, I have to say, if you want me taking bullets for you, you’ll at least have to buy me dinner first.” Y/N responded, a devilish smirk over her face as she gunned down a few more Hydra agents coming in from the left corridor.

“There something we should know about, Y/L/N, Romanoff?” Tony’s voice came muffled over the earpiece, he was clearly out of range, probably flying around somewhere outside the warehouse, but his point was made perfectly clear.

“Only in your dreams, Tony.” Nat quipped back. Y/N let out a half laugh, ducking for cover as bullets rained down of her from the right, third floor. She yelped as one grazed over her thigh, cursing enough to make a priest turn red, before reloading her pistol. A low, gruff voice over the comms made her stop in her tracks as she moved to fire back, her brows furrowed in half anger, half pain.

“Y/N, stay where you are, I’m coming to back up.” She couldn’t help but smile slightly, the reassurance of that voice in particular making her light up despite the myriad bullets flying past her head at that moment. Bucky had caused that reaction in her from the moment she laid eyes on him two years ago, when she’d first found herself in Stark Towers, relocated from S.H.I.E.L.D on Nick Fury’s orders. It hadn’t taken long for the pair to grow close; Bucky had appreciated the way Y/N had treated him like a person right off the bat, rather than the ex-killing-machine the rest of the world seemed to view him as, and he’d opened up to her after just a few months of late night run ins in the communal kitchen. Y/N had seen something incredibly human in the super soldier, she always told him it was his eyes, something buried deep in them, that had first drawn her to him. But Bucky never really understood what she meant by it. Nevertheless, over time their relationship had reached a fever pitch, and for the previous nine months they’d been inseparable.

That closeness had transferred into their work lives, and it was not uncommon to find one abandoning their position to rush to the other’s aid when things got hairy. No one really minded though, seeing Bucky find some happiness in the world that had brought him to his knees so many times was a gift, and no one was going to complain about it.

The sound of cursing in Russian and some pained screams alerted Y/N to her beloved’s arrival. It wasn’t long before his head appeared around the side of the stone pillar she had leapt behind. His eyes showing the concern, and then relief, that his grin tried to cover up.

“Sleeping on the job, doll?” He offered her a hand, which she took gingerly as he hoisted her to her feet. His hands came to rest on her waist, his eyes scanning her over head to toe, analysing the extent of her injuries.

“Someone mentioned dinner and I got side-tracked.” Y/N shrugged, flashing Bucky a sharp-toothed grin as she dusted herself off, before giving his shoulder an affectionate squeeze.

Bucky chuckled lightly, his hand trailing up her arm until it reached her face. His fingers were hooked gently under her chin, tilting it to face him and he smiled lovingly down at her. “We should be wrapping up here soon, once we get home, I’ll get dinner going. I’m thinking steak, with that bottle of red from your birthday, sound good?”

Y/N couldn’t help but practically beam back at him. God, she was so in love with this man. And so loved by him. She never thought she’d feel so loved while in the middle of a miniature war zone. But being with Bucky, no matter what the surrounding, always made her feel at home. “That sounds perfect, Buck, thank you.”

“Anything for you, Y/N.” He pressed his lips against her forehead in a quick, but meaningful kiss, before reloading his rifle. “Come on, let’s go and find the others and get the hell out of this joint.”

Y/N nodded in agreement, checking the magazine of her pistol once over, before stepping out from behind the pillar to do one final sweep.

Y/N did not have any super-powers. No gimmicks, or tricks. Nothing that made her extraordinary. She was a skilled markswoman, and proficient in hand-to-hand combat. But none of that would have allowed her to notice the sniper who had lined up a shot over her heart from across the warehouse, until of course she heard she gun go off.

Time tends to move incredibly slowly when it’s your final seconds, and Y/N could to little but stare in shock, as the bullet sliced through the air, barrelling straight for her chest. There was no time to run, no time to duck even, not for a regular old human like her.

A dull thud alerted her to the fact that the bullet had hid its target. A flash of red across her vision as blood sprayed from the exit wound. She was only vaguely aware of a scream that she would later realise was her own.

Sometimes, there’s no warning at all. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Please… Bucky, please don’t leave me.” Y/N sobbed into his chest, her hands gripping uselessly at the torn fabric of his suit. She could barely look at him, looking at him… Seeing him like this… The colourless face, the distant eyes… Looking at him made it real.

“I don’t have a choice, doll.” His voice rattled in his chest as a barely-there whisper left his lips. Y/N could hear the blood pooling in his mouth, feel the strain in each of his breaths. He was fading. Fast. “You have to let me go, Y/N-”

“No.”

She heard the strain in her own voice. It didn’t sound like her. This voice sounded broken, empty. Like the voice of one who had accepted the imminent future laid out before them. She couldn’t, she couldn’t accept a world without James Buchanan Barnes in it. She wouldn’t.

Why? Why hadn’t she moved faster, been more cautious, done something differently. Why had Bucky stepped in front of her, his superior reflexes giving him the ability to get in front of the bullet that was meant for her. It didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense to her right now. This was wrong, wrong, wrong.

“I can fix this, Bucky, I can fix this. Please- Just, please let me-” She tore the fabric of her shirt, clumsily pressing it over the bullet wound in his chest, her eyes blurry from the tears that cascaded over her cheeks. However, she was cut off by Bucky’s hands on her wrists, their grip a wiry strength that didn’t feel like him. Didn’t feel warm, strong, comforting. It felt fragile. Distant. No, no no, no.

“Y/N, hey, stop it.” His voice was firm, as firm as could be in between the ragged breaths that made his shoulders tremble with each inhale. “Let me see you, look at me, baby.”

Quiet sobs racked Y/N’s chest as she drew in a shaky breath. You have to be strong, for him, you need to pull yourself together. She slowly raised her head, her eyes meeting his as she roughly wiped the tears from her face. Her hands clutching his own with a certainty that wasn’t there before. A promise.

“I’m right here, Bucky. I’m not going anywhere.” She managed to force a smile for him, it was barely there, but it was met with one of his own. Bucky had always loved Y/N’s smile. No mater how dark his mind became, no matter how broken and beaten he felt, her smile, glowing like the summer sun, was his light in the darkest of places. He raised a trembling arm to her face, his arm, his own flesh with his weak, final heart beats running through its core. His palm rested against her cheek, his fingers trailing down her features, blurry eyes drinking in every minor detail of her face, as if they could be etched into his memory beyond the constraints of mortality.

“Hey, Y/N…”

“Yeah, Bucky?” Her hand found its way over the top of his, slick with his blood, but she didn’t care. She gripped onto him tightly, savouring the feeling of his skin against hers, her eyes trying desperately to take in every detail of his eyes, steel blue and full of the hope for a better world than the one he’d leave behind. The eyes she had called home for so many years.

“Y/N… If there’s… If there’s a life after this one-” Bucky paused for a moment, struggling to take in a breath, his hand slipping into Y/N’s hair to stroke it softly. He could no longer mask the pain on his face, the fading light in his eyes. “If there’s a life after this one, let’s meet up again in it.” He smiled at her through the pained expression on his face, his breaths becoming shallow and rapid. His grip in her hair felt weaker than it did a moment ago.

Y/N’s heart rose into her throat, threatening to leave her body entirely. The impending numbness was close, and she was vaguely aware of her mind shutting down around her, but for this moment, this one sweet second, there was only her and Bucky. A fresh wave of tears trailed down her cheeks, mixing with the blood from her hand there, and she smiled through the pain, nodding her head in agreement with him.

“I love you, James Buchanan Barnes. I will love you until the end of this life, and all through the life after that, and the one after that. I love you.” Her words tumbled out in between her sobs, as if saying them could make him stay, even just a second longer.

Bucky’s eyes were still now, still fixed on hers, but the light in them was all but gone. His smile was fading into an expression of peace, and she thought she must have imagined his voice, as the barely-there whisper almost went unheard in between her shaky breaths.

“I… love you… Y/N…-” And with that, her name on his lips, a silent promise to himself that one day, somehow, some way, he’d say it again, he slipped away.

All throughout the warehouse, there was silence. Not even the wind dared take a breath. Bucky’s eyes stared at nothing, his expression that of one who is blissfully absent from the triviality of being. Trembling fingers reached out, slowly drawing his eyelids closed. Lips stained with dust, blood and tear marks pressed against each eyelid once, before settling on his lips, which had already grown cold. Y/N held the fallen solider in her arms for what felt like an eternity, rocking backwards and forwards with him gently. But her face, once a picture of joy, hope, fear and sorrow, was entirely expressionless. In the silence of the room, she made a silent vow to Bucky, to herself, to the universe. She may not have been able to save the love of her life, but consequences be damned, she would avenge him.

75 notes · View notes

lovelybuccky · 5 years

Text

Three Things That Are Certain (Chapter 4)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Your mother once taught you that when you feel afraid, you should look at your surroundings and find at least three things that are certain, just three things that you know to be true. However, a collection of photos are found from different points in history, and you are in every single one. Questions are being raised, and you are finding it more and more difficult to name those three things. But he is there to remind you of what they are.

Warnings: Violence, profanity, graphic violence and descriptions of pain in later chapters.

A/N: It’s been a while...sorry! There is a lot of information in this one,,,I’m sorry if it’s confusing and I know there’s gonna be some technical errors especially with canon. But!! I hope you enjoy it! Please do let me know if there are any massive errors/problems with canon!

Previous Chapter

The tests went pretty smoothly. Bruce walked you through everything beforehand, and it seemed simple enough. A handful of questions, a couple of scans - and a blood test. That was the worst one, the glistening tip of the needle jolting you back into the past. The glowing green substance, the leather straps holding you down, the rag that only did so much to muffle your screams as fire soared through your veins. Something in your stomach sunk, and you forgot to breath.

Then you looked over at him.

He was leaning against the doorway, arms crossed. He raised an eyebrow at you, asking silent questions. Are you okay? Do you need a break?

Your lips turned up slightly, a subtle nod sent his way as a silent answer. I’m okay. I can do this.

He returned your nod in acknowledgement, but your eyes remained locked. You focused on his face, his form, keeping your head turned away from the doctor as you performed your ritual.

It’s just three things. Easy peasy.

Bucky’s eyes are blue, baby blue.

His beard is only just past a stubble, he obviously hasn’t shaved in a couple of days.

If you look close enough, you can see a small dimple in his chin. Cute.

The last thought caught you off guard, your heart skipped a beat as Bruce removed the needle from your arm, a lopsided smile creeping up Bucky’s face. He uncrosses his arms, slow steps carrying him towards you, “The worst part’s over, you can relax.”

So, you did.

Or at least you tried to.

That was only fifteen minutes ago, and now everyone was gathered in the lab awaiting the results. It should’ve taken days for results to come through, but thanks to Stark’s tech it only takes a few minutes.

However, the results come back negative.

Perplexed looks are shared as both Bruce and Tony analyse the statistics one more time. There’s muttering, whispering - like school students interrupting a lesson. You bow your head, trying to think of some way to explain your situation. How could you make them understand?

An open hand comes into view, looking up you’re met with green eyes and a shy smile. Wanda, you think her name is. She nods in the direction of her open palm, an invitation for you to take it. Hesitantly, you place your hand in hers, and you just feel warmth.

Her eyes flutter shut, until green stares back at you once more. She sighs, a sympathetic look in her eyes, “Which one?”

Somehow you knew what she was asking. You fidget in your seat before answering, “Time.” You’d hoped it would come out stronger, but it’s merely a whisper.

She nods in understanding and turns back to Tony, whose mouth is agape. “The tests are pointless, you’ll never find anything. But I promise, she’s no threat to us.”

Tony blinks at her, “I’m sorry, am I the only one who has no idea what just happened? ‘Time’ what?”

Wanda looks at you for permission to continue - you nod.

“Time Stone. One of the six Infinity Stones. That’s what has given her the ability to travel through time.”

“And how did you know?”

“The Stones are connected,” Vision steps in, “Wanda and I both felt it when she first walked in, however we didn’t know at the time that it was the Stone.”

“But when we touched, both of the Stones’ energy fed off one another, that’s how I knew. Just like me, she has one of the Stone’s power in her, I just couldn’t feel which one.”

Everyone’s gaze falls to you, and you subconsciously squirm under the attention. You look for the familiar pair of blue eyes, but he’s busying himself with the photographs.

Steve steps forward, “Let’s take a break. When we come back, would you be able to tell us a bit more, Y/N?”

He offers you a kind smile, and you return it as best you can, “I promise I’ll tell you as much as I know.”

And with that, everyone disperses until just you and Bucky remain. He's sat at the desk now, flicking through your photographs. You hop off of the lab table, pulling up a chair next to him. You sit in a comfortable silence for a few moments before you speak up, “Do you miss it?”

He gently holds one photo of you crossing the street, his eyes scanning over every detail. The bakery in the background, the Harley shooting past you, the style of dress you wore. Familiarity washes over him, but it’s distant; like he’s remembering a dream. He sighs, “Sometimes, but it just feels like a story now.” You smile sadly at him, he just shakes his head, “But hey, this decade ain’t so bad. Although I still can’t believe a loaf of bread costs $2.”

You snort, “Tell me about it. Music’s shit too.”

He laughs at that, full bellied as he places the photo back on the pile, facing you fully now, “You’re damn right.”

Silence settles around you once again as you take each other in. There’s no specific intent, it’s just nice being in the company of someone who understands. It’s true Bucky had Steve to talk to, but he had a “live in the present” kind of attitude, at least on the outside. Bucky knew deep down Steve missed the old days just as much as he did. Sometimes it’s easier to bask in the warmth of nostalgia.

You sit for a few more moments in each other’s presence, until he starts to shuffle in his chair, “You should get some rest, you’ve barely slept.”

The warmth seeps away and cool reality reclaims its place. He hadn’t said it cruelly or coldly, but his smile fades away and his focus switches to some tools on the desk, fiddling and twirling them in his hands. Maybe he was genuinely concerned, maybe he wanted to be alone. You wanted to know more, desperate to learn about James Buchanan Barnes - the man he was before war, before Hydra, before you. But you knew he wasn't ready to dive head-first into the deep blue past. He was still a fractured man. Not broken - not anymore - but cracked, and cracks give in under too much pressure. The photographs were the first push, and you weren’t going to push more.

So you nod in agreement and the smile you offer him is soft, but free of agenda. You thank him for helping you through the tests, and head back to your room.

“Hydra agents are everywhere, all the time. They’re waiting for something to pop up, someone to slip so they can retrieve what they need. They knew about the Infinity Stones, they just had no idea where they were - except one. But they wanted more, they needed more. So they used the one Stone they had long before I was even born. It was blue, and was kept in this…cube; but it was enough to retrieve some power from it. Like Wanda said, the Stones are connected, they feed off of each other, attract each other like magnets. From the cube, they could create a device that would attract energy from another Stone and store it for Hydra’s own use. It was weak, but it took enough power from the Time Stone that would enable them to manipulate time. However, it was only enough for one person, and that’s where I come in.”

“Hang on, back up. How did they get energy from the Time Stone in the first place? It’s been protected for years, there’s no way anyone could have gotten near it without anyone’s knowledge,” Steve questions.

“I don't know the exact details,” you continue, “from what I heard, there was a window of time where the Stone was exposed, allowing enough time to take some of its energy. A Hydra agent managed to return with the Stone’s power, and one hell of a promotion.”

“Right.” Tony speaks up after a moment of consideration, “So, you were the one they chose to give the power to?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

You sigh, “Ask myself that question everyday, but I haven't a clue. I guess I was easy. Weak, scared, young - they knew I couldn’t fight back and would obey without fuss. I was the easiest option.”

Steve opens his mouth to speak, but hesitates, crafting his next words carefully, “Y/N, how old were you when they took you?”

You look down at your feet, “Sixteen.”

“Jesus.” Sam breaths, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration.

You cast your eyes over to Bucky, his elbows are resting on his thighs as he looks down at his hands, and you notice his jaw clench.

Steve shakes his head and looks at the ground, a sigh escaping his lips, “When did they take you?”

“1983,” you state, wiping your clammy hands on your sweatpants, “I don’t remember the circumstances exactly. I was just walking home from school, when suddenly everything went black. Then I was in the chair, and they got to work.”

Tony sits down, “God, what did they even do? How did they get the energy from the Time Stone into you?”

“It was a liquid that they injected it straight into my blood stream,” you shudder, pushing down the nausea in the pit of your stomach, “and then boom, I could travel through time. I don’t know how they made the liquid - the ‘elixir’ they called it - that was top secret.”

“Why didn’t you just, like, time travel out of there? Surely they couldn’t catch you?”

“I considered it, but in order to use the power you need an extreme amount of focus and a trigger. The trigger is something from the time you want to travel to, anything physical. That bit was easy, with antiques and all that, but it means that you can only travel backwards, since it’s impossible to have an object from a time that doesn’t exist yet, if that makes sense.” You clear your throat, aware that you’re rambling, “The ‘focus’ was the difficult part. They tried to essentially wipe my mind, so all my focus was on their orders. This took them years to figure out, that’s what the experiments were for.”

“Did they do to you what they did to Barnes?” Natasha enquires.

Bucky’s eyes shoot to yours, and you notice a mild panic in them. You give him a reassuring smile, “I honestly have no idea, I was blacked out for most of it, but I don’t think so. They already knew that method, and if it worked for me then there wouldn't have been all those years of trial and error.”

There’s a pause as the information settles in, and sombreness fills the air. Tony clears his throat, “Okay, but how did you get here? As in this time?”

You take a deep breath, you know that all these questions are crucial in helping them understand you and your situation, but God it was exhausting. “I woke up in the 1941, completely in control. I guess after all their tries they still couldn't find a method strong enough. I wondered around, decided that there were worse places to end up. So I settled down and tried to make a life for myself, expecting to die of old age before Hydra could find me again. But I suppose the Stone doesn't just effect the time around me, but also my internal clock, since I haven’t really aged since I woke up in Brooklyn in 1941. I’ve been on the run since, knowing Hydra would look for me eventually, since I never completed my mission.”

“Which was?”

You look at the ground, shame oozing out of you. You were dreading this moment. This is where everything shifts. You avoid all their curious gazes, holding off the inevitable.

“Y/N,” Steve’s voice spoke gently, but strongly too, “what was your mission?”

Your eyes flicker back to Bucky to find him already watching you, confusion etching his features. You fear his reaction the most, and you know that there is no chance that he could ever trust you, not anymore. There’s still so much you haven’t told him, so much that you both weren’t ready for him to know. But this is where things get complicated. You hold eye contact with him for as long as possible - until the very last second.

“I…was sent to kill Steve Rogers.”

***

Next Chapter // Masterlist

A/N: Feedback is really appreciated!

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky imagine #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky fanfiction #bucky #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes

59 notes · View notes

marvelheaux · 6 years

Text

T’challa’s Outside Daughter (Chapter 4)

T’CHALLA X BLACK!DAUGHTER READER / OC

A/N : Hey Guys!! Sorry for the Long wait. Depression was getting the best of me and plus I wasn’t feeling well at all. But here it is :) Enjoy xx -Lanna

Description : Zyra is the first born of King T’challa. She moved to the states and grew up with her Single mother with hardly any contact with her father. Queen Mother Ramonda decided that with all the drama and secrets going on, that it's time to bring the family together .

Story Links:

Main Character + Faceclaim

Character List

She met one of her father's Exes (oneshot)

TOD Prologue , Chp1 , Chp2 , Chp3

Warnings: Possible Grammar Errors, Angst, Strong Language

Words: 2K

Zyra sadly walked off backstage to the area, where the crowd was seated . She was a bit disappointed because she and her team placed 5th at the 2016 Cheerleading Worlds competition. They had a promising year, until it took two major deductions on day 2 of finals and their bubbles were popped. She walked out into the arena looking for her mom, her frown turned upside down and her face lighted up, when she saw a special guest sitting next to mom. Her grandfather, His majesty King T’chaka, was standing there smiling and clapping. She ran and hugged him tightly. She couldn’t believe he actually came and watched her performance but she felt some type of way because he’s a very busy politician, and he just watched a ‘terrible’ performance.

“Congratulations entle!! I’m so proud of you!”

“Thank you baba! If I had know you were coming, i would’ve pushed a little harder” Zyra said looking at the floor”

King T’chaka took her hands and preached to Zyra

“ You win some, you lose some. Just work on your mistakes and learn from them, so when next year comes, you know what to do. And trust me. Next year IS your year. Trust me.”

Those words stuck with her. Even after his death, she pushed even harder. Those words came into effect when they in fact did win the year after that-

“Zyra wake up….” she felt someone shaking her shoulder gently and speaking in a soft voice.

This made her woke up from her sleep, in the jet cubicle.

“Huh?” She said looking oblivious , whilst wiping the drool off her face.

“We are 5 minutes away from touching down in Wakanda” Nceba, one of the dora members, reassured her.

With that, she quickly went to the bathroom to freshen up. She even was offered breakfast from the jet staff due to her long flight.

“Zyra, you are home.”

She smiled as she got up from her half-eaten breakfast and rushed to the frontal view of the quinjet. It drove through the heavy bushes, then the protective barrier unravelled and revealed Wakanda. Her breath was taken way. Wakanda was beautiful. Even though she wanted to vlog or snapchat what she saw, she decided not to and wanted to be in the moment and take in wakanda and all its glory.

While she was still excited and getting her stuff together, the room suddenly started to become small. She started to feel dizzy and her heart started to race, so she sat down. As the quinjet opened and the Dora was about to escort her out, she started crying and hugging her legs. Nceba saw her crying and came to her aid. Queen Ramonda who was standing on the outside patiently waiting on her granddaughter, became worried as it was taking her along while to come outside. She suspected that something was wrong, and she walked passed the Dora standing outside with her, and found Zyra in her condition.

“Ah Cebisa, sithandwa sam” Ramonda embraced her tightly, rubbing her back and rocking her back and forth, when she noticed that she was having an anxiety attack.

“Breathe with me. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

Zyra struggled to follow suit, bouncing her leg and holding on to her grandmother for comfort.

She was afraid.

She missed her mother.

This is going to be the longest time that she was going to be away from her mother and it made her feel uneasy.

“Worry not my child. We are all happy to see you. We love you and your country misses you. Your mom is proud of you.”

Zyra nodded her head as she tried to take in what her grandmother was saying.

“Do you know home many times, your mother and I wanted me to bring you back here? It was always a fluke because your father was trying to keep you a secret and me and your father were always at loggerheads for that. But not to worry, he will learn and come back to his senses.”

Zyra secretly disagreed because she still feels her father is the scum of the earth.

“Come on dear, the others can’t wait to see you!!”

........

Zyra suddenly felt like she was going to shit herself as she grabbed her pillowpet and her backpack and headed for the main entrance of the palace.

She doesn’t remember much but the flamboyant scent of the building tickled her memory. She was finally back home.

The palace was huge and quiet, which was suspicious. Walking down the corridor, she came across an old painting of her grandfather when he was a lot younger and she smiled.

“I miss you baba.”

Zyra heard voices around the corridor, including a familiar voice with a cute accent.

“ Shuri???!” Zyra called out.

Pitter patter of feet became closer and closer and a wild Shuri ran around the corner.

“OH MY GOD AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

When she saw Zyra, they both screamed and ran towards each other and jumped into each other's arms. They hugged each other tightly, while crying tears of joys.

The dynamic duo was back together.

They have not seen each other since Zyra’s mom side of the family, last vacation trip. Although they were seven seas apart, T’chaka and Ramonda made it their business to bring Shuri to New York for every school vacation, so they can spend time together.

They broke apart with tears in their eyes, analysing each other.

“I missed you so much!”

“I miss you too! You have no idea”

“ Look at you! Princess Shuri all royal and shit! You are so cute!!” Zyra joked.

“Me?? Look at you!! Melanin poppin, skin glowing, pink in on pink everything in synced” Shuri laughed referring to Zyra’s barbie pink champion jumpsuit and her matching pink timberlands.

“It wasn’t planneeeeedddd I swear! Its weird cause my bags- WAIT….WHERE MY BAGS AT?” Zyra started running around the place worried.

“I LOST MY BAGS! I GOTTA GET MY SUITCASES! DID I LEAVE THEM ON THE PLANE-”

“SIS RELAXX!!! The attendants have your stuff. Did yo ass forget you’re royalty too or???”

“Oh.”

The both laughed heartily as Shuri grabbed her hand to show her around the rest of the palace.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the way to Shuri’s lab, she showed Zyra the King’s Office and Quarters and she became hesitant and started to talk the other way.

“Wait where are you going? Nobody’s in there.”

“Huh?”

“He’s not in there, they aren’t home.”

“Oh thank God”

“They’re in Maiorca right now, won’t be home until tomorrow I think.

“Maiorca??? Oh they boujie boujie…”

“Don’t worry our traditional 20th birthday parties are going to litttttyyyyy!”

Just like how the spanish community have a quinceanera for the 15th birthday, wakanda had traditional birthday parties for when they turn 20. She found it funny how he can travel to these lavish places with this “new family” but never wanted to claim her. He was always her source of anxiety and insecurity.

Soon they arrived at Shuri’s lab and Zyra couldn’t believe her eyes. It was like a scientist’s wet dream. One of the million things that they both shared together, was their passion for science and technology. They always shared their ideas and theories together.

“I have something to tell you and please don’t get mad” Shuri clasped her hands nervously.

“What is it?”

Shuri pulled up blueprints of the new black panther suit on the technical board.

“This is the finished product of the suit. Anndddd …..Ikindaddedyourdesignstoit!” Shuri said in one breath whilst squinting her eyes.

“YOU DID WHAT?! I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NO TO DO THAT!”

“The kinetic energy and adding the different types of vision was such good ideas I couldn’t help it.

“Shuri-”

“I’m sorry sis!!! I told him i did it!”

“Are you though?”

“I mean no but….”

“I’m suing yo ass for damages” Zyra could help but laugh. This was typical Shuri.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LATER THAT NIGHT

The girls were relaxing in the balcony pool of the Queen’s Quarters, chatting it up and gazing at the stars. This girl time was needed cause there was alot to catch up on. Zyra got quiet for a moment which made Shuri worry for a bit.

“What’s the matter usisi?”

“I just feel guilty sometimes.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I feel bad about …..being close to my grandparents. Because. I never wanted to take the attention away from you. I know they just felt for me.”

“You shouldn’t feel that way because my father and I always had a good relationship. He felt it was necessary to step in as a grandparent. We’re like sisters remember?”

“Yeah…” Zyra managed to crack a soft smile.

“Besides, T’challa was always the favorite so...you know how that shit goes” Shuri rolled her eyes and backstroked to the pool steps and Zyra dramatically sucked her teeth and laughed.

After calling her mom back in new york and having a long conversation about wakanda, Zyra decided to hit the sack to catch up on some much needed sleep.

3am.

Zyra was snoring softly in her big comfy duvet when she was woken up by the sounds of constant heavy footsteps and a disturbingly familiar male voice.

“Great...the motley crew is back from their trip.” She thought to herself. “I wish they would stop waking me the fuck up” . Zyra covered her head with pillow, hoping she could go back to sleep.

On the outside, T’challa, Nicolette and their two children walked into the beauty room area of younger folks Quarter’s, where the attendents were putting Sariyah’s 20 (not really) suitcases and designer clothing away. On the way to the lounge area, Matthew saw a couple of light pink suitcases that were noticeably not belonging to neither his sister nor his mother.

“Wait who's suitcases are these?” Matthew said under his breath.

He noisily checked the suitcase tag. He was taken aback when the tag read “JFK”. “Wait, New York, it's a possibility that his sister is here”

“Wait? Is Zyra here?”

“Yes my prince, she is asleep in her room” one of the dora chimed in.

“What is she doing here?” Sariyah was already annoying to the fullest.

Queen Nicolette was shocked as she looked to T’challa for answers. At this point T’challa was catching cold sweat and suddenly felt nauseous. He had zero notice that she was arriving at all. No words from King T’challa at this point. He just headed to his room quickly and Nicolette followed suit.

“Getting cold feet huh?” Nicolette sat on their matrimonial bed. “I thought we talked about this”

T’challa was hunched over the balcony, trying to get his mind together. You would expect a king of a great nation to have an answer for everything. Not this time though.

“I shouldn’t at this stage tell you how to be a father. Grow a pair.”

T’challa side-eyed his wife .

“Boy stop looking at me like that and cuddle me, I’m sleepy.”

……..

It’s well into the fore-morning and Zyra had had it cause the noise won’t stop. Sariyah thought it was cute to purposely knock on her door and stomp as loudly as she can to aggrevate her. After a couple more loud noises, Zyra suddenly got out of bed and walked out the room wearing an oversized t-shirt , a kente print bonnet on and a pair of socks. She calmly walked into the lounge area where Sariyah was standing.

“Can the person who is knocking on my door stop please?”

“No one is knocking on your door, go back to bed, wannabe”

“Wannabe?” Zyra was starting to get pissed off cause she doesn’t tolerate disrespect.

“Listen lil girl, I aint got time for your bullshit, just shut the fuck up so I can sleep please” she turned on her heels to walk away.

“Why you sound like a man?”

Sariyah was clearly taking a jab at Zy’s strong New York accent.

“Guess what, I sound manly, and these hands manly too. Don’t fucking play with me you rat ass bitch”

Zyra slammed her bedroom door.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS CHAPTER? WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING HAPPEN NEXT? COMMENT !! YOUR FEEDBACK MEANS ALOT! AND REBLOG TO SHARE WITH OTHERS IF YOU LIKED THIS CHAPTER. - Lanna xx

sithandwa sam - my love

Usisi - sister

Entle - beautiful

Taglist: @mxrvelous-bxrnes @kida114 @royallyprincesslilly @dramaqueenamby @randomassfandomwho @jadesid @deansbbysblog @pananegra @janell-r @zakarakillmonger @omgsuperstarg @skysynclair19 @amethyst09 @sisterwifeudaku @bezzywazhere @mbakus-bae @champagnesugamama @kumkaniudaku @brianabreeze @sarahboseman @queennanayaa @ginghampearlsnsweettea @fanwolfgirl @theifandbegger

#T'Challa x black reader #t'challa x black!reader #T'Challa #t'chaka #t'challa imagine #zyra udaku #T'Challa Udaku #t'challa x reader #black panther #black panther imagine #black panther x reader #black panther x black reader #Chadwick Boseman #chadwick boseman imagine #chadwick boseman x reader #Wakanda #queen ramonda #shuri #dora milaje

131 notes · View notes

aqua-eros · 6 years

Text

iKON astro notes: Kim Hanbin ✒️

Bonjour! and welcome to a new series of astro notes, this time covering the members of iKON. As always, all assumptions are based on their personal placements and personalities without knowing exact birth times. First, let's take a look at B.I, the leader, rapper and composer of the group🎼

Sun in Libra

Unless you are unfamiliar with iKON and/or B.I, you could definitely point out that, one way or another, Hanbin is very likeable and charming. Any type of person can and probably will naturally and unintentionally fall for him, even if they just met. Such is the Libra gift, brought to them by Venus itself. Venus brings irresistible charm and beauty to to the signs it rules (Taurus and Libra), therefore anyone can find themselves trapped in the moment as the magic of Libra takes their breath away, especially considering the fact that this is an air sign. Air is known for being alluring in a breezy and light-hearted sense, making it's way into your life through the help of intellect. The addition of Venus to Hanbin's air is an even bigger magnet that pulls people in without them even realizing it.

The element of air gives a wide understanding of the world, concepts and ideas, since the mind is the most active and receptive part. Air natives are creative and highly adaptable, because just like air, they can mold themselves into any shape or form, they change in order to fit in or, on the contrary, stand out. In addition, being so observant of the world and people around them, Libra natives are exceptionally good at putting up a facade, acting and playing make-believe in order to get what they truly desire. As you can see, such techniques can be used with various intentions, both good and bad, but ultimately, the goal is to bring harmony and peace to the environment a Libra is in. And if harmony means being right and having the upper hand, well, a Libra will not hesitate to take action to suit themselves. After all, we're talking about a cardinal sign and as much as Libra is known for it's indecisiveness, they know what they truly want.

The Libra energy within Hanbin (his sun and mercury) contributes to his remarkable leadership skills, for as much as he is demanding, detailed and strict, he is also diplomatic, communicative, responsible and a fighter for justice.

take a look at any episode of their survival shows "win: who is next" or "mix & match" to truly understand what I mean. Hanbin always strives for perfection and ultimate dedication from his team, to use their abilities to the max and develop them with every practice session. he accepted no slacking and because he strived for a stunning visual experience of their performances, he put immense effort into leading his team to the top (along with writing/composing their tracks). of course, that required him to play good cop/bad cop and push the members (and himself) to their limits. cardinal energy at it's peak

Libra being a social and partnership-oriented sign, it takes action through relationships and interaction with others, which also explains the heavy influence he had on his team

as much as Libras may be airheads, they are very clever. they constantly analyse and evaluate their relationships and environment, wishing to improve themselves and their surroundings for others

imbalance and unfairness is a no-no⚡

Moon in Pisces

Ah, the soul of a true poet, the spirit of an artist, such is the essence of Hanbin's inner self and it is obviously reflected in his field of work.

Hanbin's quiet, shy and somewhat awkward side is granted by his moon. It may be quite challenging for him to speak about his actual emotions and whatever ups and downs he is experiencing, since it's difficult to understand them all in the first place.

While he is very much concerned about others' emotional well-being and is trying his best to help, reassure and console those who are in need of it, when it comes to his own feelings... It can get really complicated and foggy.

The notable Neptunian influence is bound to hide and confuse whatever it touches and in Hanbin's case, his moon gets overshadowed and is left unable to fully reveal itself. He most likely goes through periods of self-reflection (his Libra energy craving that as well), isolating himself for even just a little bit in order to clear his mind, to detect the roots of his problems and, hopefully, find a solution or at least some inner peace. Whatever it is, understanding himself definitely does not come easy. It's a whole journey that takes him to pretty deep and unclear waters, as Pisces is notoriously complex and multi-facetted. Hanbin's feelings are not just this or that, they are everything at once and go through pretty intense changes on a daily, which is a lot to process. Thus, self-expression in a more emotional sense is not his forte. Yet, that explains why writing down what he feels (music) can be an easier way of opening up to the world.

Accepting failure is most certainly harder for him, since Pisces is a very sensitive sign. In his position, it is important to find the strength to move on, which he does, yet emotional pressure hits him hard and disappointing others is his worst nightmare. In a sense, it can make him feel fragile and helpless, push him into a dark place where he swims for some time, almost drowning, almost surrendering. Melancholy is close to Pisces, as well as getting lost in their own heads, endlessly dreaming, wishing and thinking.

Hanbin has mentioned that he's not especially experienced in the field of love. yet, he has written many songs specifically associated with that. obviously, he draws inspiration from fiction and certain life situations, yet I cannot skip on his imagination. pisces are famous for having visions that are beyond vivid. their minds are full of wonder and distant worlds🌠and romance is a constantly present theme inside those worlds

in other words, the need for love is really prominent. it is a yearning

intuition is strong with this placement

despite being an avid thinker, a pisces moon often acts based on emotion and the heart's desire, rather than logic

sentimental and soft, though he may try to hide it

did someone order pink glasses?🌸💕

Libra Mercury

lovely tone of voice, pleasant manners, charming way of approaching people✨

not a fan of conflicts, he either avoids them or, if the need arises, finds strength to resolve it in the most peaceful way possible

a good example of his mercury in action is "iKON TV" (ep. 7, part 4) where he felt uncomfortable confronting the rude/provocative behavior of a man and wanted to end things on mutual understanding and good terms

afraid of harming people with his words

naturally polite to everyone, wants people to like him

open-minded about new ideas and loves hearing what other people have to say

beauty finds it's way into B.I's speech. again, this serves him well during writing and sometimes public speaking

fairness is a big theme here as well, won't tolerate unjust or foul words towards anyone

his mind is very much set towards the good things and traits in people or the world. it's a rather idealistic perspective, but Libras seek peace and equality within their lives. imbalance or lack of harmony throws them from the right path and that may lead to unwanted moodswings, unusual behavior or an overall negative response from the Libra native🎭

needs a lot of time to make decisions and process things (and especially what side he's on)

Venus in Virgo

highly detail-oriented, especially when it comes to other people

hardly ever satisfied, perfection is everything to him. this goes for himself and others as well

while dealing with a Virgo placement, notice how good they are at helping you improve and develop yourself and your work ethics. they are great at helping people, yet they might not be too good on themselves and their standarts. considering that Virgo is in Hanbin's venus, his standarts in relationships of any kind can be high. he's a selective kind💎 that can be both useful and too much to handle

Virgos show love through service, mostly when in comes to something practical

although this is an earth sign, it is ruled by mercury, which makes B.I not only down-to-earth, hard-working and determined, but also craving communication, variety and fun

enjoys people with a broad mind and diverse personality, someone who never stops learning🚀

considering that venus is in fall in the sign of Virgo, the planet doesn't sit well here. it feels like there's no air for venus to breathe in when trapped in the analytical mind of Virgo, where much emphasis is put on the smaller things and not the bigger picture

tbh writing, information and organizing is basically a turn on

needs loads of time for himself, to organize his throughts, progress, values and work. alone time is a must

highly intellectual. knowledge is power

shy. especially when he likes someone

cares a lot about anything and everything. oftentimes that leads to worry and anxiety, but in severe levels

spends money wisely, is very careful about it. never impulsive spending, thinks it through a lot

responsible

Mars in Leo

oohh, here we go🔥

a very obvious indication of natural leadership skills

mars feels comfortable here, in the fire-y sign of Leo, therefore brings loads of confidence to the table

cocky boi, lets be real

noticeable presence, strong ethics, fixed morals, big desires

takes much pride in his achievements/success and the leo withing him likes to show it off to the world, wear his power like a lion's mane 🦁

winning in life is what he lives for

the stage truly belongs to him, it feels right to be there and shine like a thousand stars, to be loved by many and to, most importantly, spread that love even more like a Leo is prone to do

receives attention quite easily, even if he's not asking for it

since adoration is enjoyable, especially for Leo placements, it is likely he may go out of his way to feel it, to experience the admiration from others. after all, he's a born performer and has all of the creativity to get what he wants🎬

as you can imagine, for a placement like this, losing is not an option. but when that happens, when things don't go well or they unwillingly put shame on their name, it's a big stab in the ego. Leos are never in a good place when they fail, therefore they do anything they can to always end up victorious. otherwise, they won't even compete

embarrassment and humiliation is a big NO

can be quite the drama queen when all worked up about an issue, definitely the type to demonstrate what they're feeling

Hanbin is a frequent gym visitor, which is really good for his Leo mars. that way he can manage his emotions better and calm down his high levels of energy

say hello to !passion!, she loves to be here and boost Hanbin with even more drive for conquering not only his goals, but also his love interests

ultimate hunter award? yeah, you got it

he truly loves to love, spread love, show love, be loved, make love, everything!❤️

big-hearted and very generous, he would share the world with you if he could, or better yet, give it to you🌌

That's it for this goofball🌈 Thank you for reading! I'm really excited to start this series once again (previously done with Monsta X) but now with iKON. Only 6 more members to go!

Hope you're having a lovely day, wherever you are🎈

58 notes · View notes

sparklyjojos · 6 years

Text

[THE CHILDISH DARKNESS Recaps, Chapter 9 -- FINALE]

[tw: gore]

---------

NINE

Near the end of Paul Auster’s 1995 movie Smoke, the writer protagonist says something like this:

“Thoroughly trapped, I believed in his story. This is the only fact that matters. As long as just a single person believes in a story, it can’t not be true.”

[Note: I haven’t found anything like the above quote in the actual screenplay. The closest thing was: Bullshit is a real talent, Auggie. To make up a good story, a person has to know how to push all the right buttons.]

Even if the person knows well that the story is a lie, as long as they continue to believe in it, it’s also the truth. A lot of writers have talked about this in and outside their novels, and others quietly acknowledge that. The true story is one that contains lies. If you want to tell the truth, you have to lie sometimes. But why does the believer believe in something he knows isn’t real?

One could say that all stories are made out of lies and overflow with contradictions. To what extent can these contradictions be forgiven varies from person to person. Some seek complete order, some don’t, some notice a disrepancy yet let it pass. It depends on a person as to which stories they consider true and dive deep into, and which they dismiss as a lie. Every story meets every type of a reader, and that reader can either understand what the story’s trying to convey or not.

But it’s not like Saburou really understood just what made the difference between people who believed in a given story or not. As far as he was concerned, he only believed in stories that he wanted to believe in, saw and heard only what he wanted to see and hear.

That’s why he’d kept believing that Jirou could still be alive.

He knew that this was a lie. He had noticed the contradiction.

When Jirou and Maruo had argued that fateful night, they knocked over the pot with stew meant for dinner, completely ruining the meal that his mother had prepared using all the leftover meat. Then how, after Jirou was thrown into the warehouse, the rest of the family could still have stew for dinner? Certainly they had plenty of vegetables and miso left in the storage, but where did the meat come from?

Saburou knew why his dreams kept showing him Hannibal Lecter. He knew why the poor Mr. Krendler was another him, or rather not another him, but his extension: his elder brother. It was really Jirou, even if he had Saburou’s face -- that was yet another sign of Saburou trying to conceal the truth from himself. Though it wasn’t really self-deception. In a way Jirou really was, as his brother, an extension of him, just like he was Shirou, Ichirou, his father and mother and maybe their fathers and mothers as well. He was his entire family and he consumed his entire family.

The cannibalistic family of Chiuhi living secretly in Nishi Akatsuki.

Jirou had never escaped from the warehouse.

Jirou had been sealed away in the locked room inside them.

Jirou had died. Jirou was still living inside him.

He had wanted to believe the story about how Jirou had escaped, became Kawaji Natsurou, invented Jawakutora. Of course, all these things about Natsurou and Jawakutora had been prepared for Shirou to solve and not for him, but he still wanted to believe the lie more than the truth.

But if he knew the truth, why had he been so convinced that the letter found with Okamoto’s body had been written by Jirou? No doubt it had something to do with being a mystery writer and being used to figuring out a possible rational solution to anything. He could think up so many possibillities, but chose the one in which Jirou had written the letter.

Saburou woke up in their living room tied up so he couldn’t move a muscle, as if he was to become someone’s dinner. That was only fair, perhaps. He would be properly punished and forgiven, then disappear completely from this world.

But he wanted to live! Punish him as you will, but let him live! He hadn’t yet made himself worth anything! He still wanted to do so many things, to go to so many places with Yurio! Even if that could be hard, seeing what Yurio had recently done to her father.

But that headless body wasn’t really her father, was it? It’d been Saburou who returned home and got stabbed. Yurio cut his head off and put her father’s wallet into his pocket to conceal the body’s true identity, and Saburou was now a hapless ghost who hadn’t even noticed his own death--

--would be a twist in a third-rate mystery novel and not something that Saburou would care to believe in, not with all the contradictions -- why would the carved out LOVE ME TENDER be a fresh wound? Then again, Yurio had read a lot of mystery novels, so she could think of carving the sentence once more on top of the old one… but no, no matter how much Saburou would like to think otherwise, the one killed had been Yurio’s father.

To tell the truth, he was glad that Yurio had killed her father and gone away. He’d hate to be killed by her. He didn’t want to die.

When Kawaji Natsurou = Kawai Youji entered his field of vision, Saburou tried to taunt him, but it mostly fell flat.

“Saburou,” Youji said, “I have lived all these past years just to get a single answer from your family. I’ve been masquarading as Jirou for over ten years, acting and looking like him but under another name. My intention was to lure him out, but oh well, it seems he wouldn’t be fooled just like that. Still, I’ve waited. Do you understand why?... I feared Jirou. I didn’t want to meet him ever again, even if there was something I absolutely had to know.”

Youji pulled out a gun to show that he had a way to defend himself if he met Jirou. Saburou questioned aloud if a gun could do anything against that human whirlwind of violence, but advised to keep the weapon out anyway, since who knew if Jirou wouldn’t suddenly arrive, right?

“Now about this question you want answered,” he added, “I’m afraid that I have no idea where Kazuhiro is. You think that Jirou was involved in his disappearance, don’t you? Well, Jirou is dead.”

Youji didn’t listen. “Jirou murdered him, wanting to use him as a body double for himself. …After I first felt that my brother was dead, I ran away from home, hid, and intended to make Jirou tell me where Kazuhiro was. Even if Jirou wouldn’t appear, I stil enjoyed acting like him…. Maybe more than searching for Kazuhiro.”

After this short speech, Saburou’s hell started.

First Youji gave him strong painkillers so he wouldn’t die from shock. Then using surgical tools he carefully connected the big blood vessels above his thighs creating a bypass, then took to work using an electric saw. In an instant, both of Saburou’s legs were gone. No more walking the mountain paths. No more trying to get himself in shape.

Saburou yelled, “We ate Jirou, goddamn it! Me, Shirou, mom and dad! Mom cut him into pieces and cooked into a stew with miso and vegetables!”

Youji didn’t listen. He took away Saburou’s arms next. No more writing mystery novels with his own two hands, no more basketball, no more Rachmaninoff.

When Youji was about to continue his work, Saburou saw by his side the pale ghost of a child and understood.

“Youji,” he asked, “didn’t you and Kazuhiro wear okappa style hair when you were children?”

The ghost girl wasn’t a girl at all. It was Kawai Kazuhiro wearing the feminine style clothing his parents used to dress him in.

“Kazuhiro is here,” Saburou said.

“Where?”

Where? Saburou remembered the footsteps.

“In the kitchen. Under the floor.”

Youji went to the kitchen and opened the trapdoor. “Here?”

“It’s further underground.” The storage had been renovated along with the kitchen thirteen years ago...

“How do you get there?”

Saburou asked to be moved outside and into the warehouse. If Kazuhiro’s body hadn’t been found during the renovation, it had to be somewhere else than in the small storage, but close enough that the ghost could appear in the house. Some underground space connected with the storage? Even if that space had been filled with dirt since then, it’s not like a ghost would care.

They found a hidden entrance under the giant pillar in the warehouse. Youji vanished inside calling Kazuhiro’s name, leaving Saburou completely alone.

Saburou wondered if he would never see Kazuhiro’s ghost again. The boy had probably shown himself to ask Saburou to find his body. To lead him here.

Let’s think about the reason why Kazuhiro had died under their house. The secret passage had undoubtedly been created by Jirou to escape from the warehouse. Maybe he wanted to one night use it to kill the entire family, which is why he kept it secret from everyone. Being seemingly closed in a warehouse all night would be a great alibi.

Or maybe Jirou planned to use Kazuhiro as his body double and fake his own death, using some sophisticated method to trick the investigators that’d try to analyse the corpse’s DNA and fingerprints. Or maybe he just escaped through the hole in the roof... Or what happened was a completely unplanned incident of getting cooked. Maybe Jirou hesitated just before enacting his plan and had Kazuhiro come to him, and when the family arrived to eat Jirou he tried to hide Kazuhiro underground but someone from the family murdered him too, or maybe Jirou had just killed him so he wouldn’t get in the way...

Or maybe Saburou being a mystery novelist was just obstinately trying to solve mysteries. But since he was already dying, he’d have to give up on reaching the solution. (Snip! Goodbye, stubborn traits of a mystery writer.) There was no need to solve the mystery. He always loved thinking about ridiculous tricks more than obvious solutions, and so the egoism of his love was always at work as well – but no more, seeing as his death was approaching.

Shirou had been right about the note meaning “Death to God Jawakutora”. The letter was probably written by Youji. Saburou didn’t understand why Youji would kill Okachi, but it’s not like he’d have to think about it anymore, as he had already let all his drive to find the answer to the mystery die. Peaceful sleep would come so soon.

But wouldn’t finally finding Kazuhiro instill mercy in Youji? Maybe he would let Saburou live! He didn’t want to die!

But then again, maybe it was better to die than to live without limbs but still with his stupid fucking head filled only with stupid worthless thoughts.

Saburou heard a shriek from the underground passage. What had just happened? Did Youji scream upon finding his brother’s body? Did he see the ghost? Finally Saburou heard quickly approaching footsteps.

“You okay there?” he called.

“I should be the one asking you that,” came the answer.

From the secret passage emerged Okachi.

--was what couldn’t happen. Okachi was dead. The one standing there was actually another, taller man. He was just wearing Okachi’s skin. Was it Jirou? No, not at all. Then who? The electric saw he was holding was dripping with blood that may have been not just Saburou’s.

“Found you,” the person said. “You don’t have to look so shocked. It’s me!” And he showed his true identity to Saburou.

Of course, Saburou’s not going to simply write their name down here.

After all, the truth can only be conveyed using lies.

Well then, let’s write some lies.

The man was obviously Jirou. Jirou was alive! Ha ha ha! What the hell! Apparently Jirou had been hiding somewhere before learning about Youji’s actions and coming back to town to get rid of him. He attacked Shirou’s enemy and now arrived here. Thank you, Jirou! Thank you for saving Saburou’s life! And here he thought he’d eaten Jirou, but that was just a false memory created by his feelings of guilt! Anyway, hurray for being saved!

--was the lie. In reality, the man was Ichirou. He’d given up on searching for their mother and came back to town, learned about what had happened to Shirou, murdered Okachi, left the letter, and came to save Saburou. Thank you, Ichirou!

--was another lie. The man was Maruo. Tormented with guilt after what he’d said to Saburou, Maruo came to his help after having taken revenge for Shirou. Thank you, dad! Your little boy forgives you!

--was yet another lie. The man was Fukushima Manabu. After his mother had died, he assisted Shirou in the search for Jawakutora’s true identity and realized it was Kawaji Natsurou. He killed Okachi both as revenge for Shirou and as a copycat crime to lure Kawaji out, and finally avenged his mother. Congratulations, Fukushima! Just don’t go bragging about it to the police!

--was a lie as well. The man was the boyfriend of Saburou’s mother. At her request he had both avenged Shirou and arranged the copycat crime, and then killed Kawaji. Thank you, mom’s unnamed boyfriend! Isn’t she a wonderful woman? Please take good care of her!

--was of course yet another lie. The man was just some guy, no one of much importance. For some unknown reason he had avenged Shirou, wrote the letter and came to Saburou’s help. Thank you, no one special!

--but oh dear, that was a lie too! This wasn’t a tall man at all, but a girl of tiny posture! She’d found Saburou’s cut off limbs and attached them to her own limbs and came here walking on his legs like on stilts. Thank you, little girl, even if you look a little silly!

One may create as many lies as they wish.

That’s exactly why Saburou’s able to make his living by writing only lies. Why he’s a man living by creating lies and showing them to people. Lies are his only friends, the kind of friends that you don’t really like at first, but after you hang out with them for some time you realize they’re actually pretty cool dudes, those lies.

But there’s no use in writing only lies, so Saburou’s going to write about how he truly feels.

He’s glad that he’s alive and that Jirou, Nozaki and Kawaji / Jawakutora / Youji all survived.

When Youji cut off his limbs, maybe all of his stupid fixations and obligations went away with them.

That’s why he can safely say that losing his limbs was, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to him.

If you compare human life to a story, then there’s but one truth that Saburou’s story conveys: that sometimes people are saved by having their limbs cut off. That sometimes the despair of loss and the proximity of death may bring salvation to the soul.

After the loss and despair, Saburou can’t see anything but hope in front of him. Once you’ve reached the bottom, the only way is up.

Yurio disappeared after killing her father, but Saburou is hopeful about her too. Maybe she will one day be caught by the police and put in an institution somewhere, but that’ll certainly be better than the care she had in his house. If she started getting better while staying with him, then she’ll surely make an even greater progress under professional care. Maybe she’ll come visit him one day.

Of course, Yurio will probably forget about him and find love with another guy. If so, then great. That’s how it should have been from the start. They will have his blessing. As long as Yurio’s happy, then he is too.

Then again, maybe Yurio will be restrained and abused in an institution all her life and die in suffering. But if she survives, then she’ll certainly find happiness again. If she continues to suffer even still, then precisely because of the pain she’ll feel happiness whenever it stops for a while. When she dies after a life full of suffering, then he’ll go looking for her in the other world after his own death. He’s not sure whether the age difference will still be there after death and whether his ghost will have his limbs back, but should she still suffer, he’ll embrace her and calm her down with his well and tried “It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright”. He won’t run away even if he gets his legs back.

Maybe Yurio is now staying hidden at Shirou’s place. Shirou is a man of many secrets, after all, so maybe he was worried about Saburou being a pedophile and is trying to keep the girl away from him. Ha ha ha, what a strange thing to worry about. Better worry about yourself. About the possibility of getting into a third damn car accident and getting yourself injured yet again.

Or maybe Yurio is under the protection of the man who wore Okachi’s skin, who came to her help just like he helped Saburou. If that man was Jirou, then he should have his mother by his side, and Yurio will be fine being with them. But if so, then Saburou will have to try really hard to find her, as Jirou is wicked smart when it comes to hiding.

There is hope. A lot of losses too, but Saburou thinks about his hope with happiness. To ensure his hope will prevail he didn’t have his limbs sewn back on, even though it’d be possible. If he let it happen, than maybe all the hope he had gained by giving up his limbs would vanish. You can only gain something by losing something. He’d lost some physical parts and gained something that doesn’t have a physical shape, and he’s fully satisfied with it. Trully happy, la la la, yeah! He can’t exactly dance from joy, but it’s not that important, oh yeah!

Having hidden the bodies of Kazuhiro, Youji and Yurio’s father as well as the bloody tools and his own limbs underground, Saburou now lives alone in the Natsukawa house. He meets ghosts sometimes, but he’s not afraid. He is strong. More than anything, he feels so clearly now that he’s alive. People told him to go die so often, and he himself wished to die so often, that the line between life and death grew faint and he felt like he was lost for so long, but he’s alright now.

Precisely because he thinks he is alive, he really is. Just like thinking that you love is the same as loving. Conversely, doubting your love makes it feel like a fake thing. If you don’t feel like you’re truly living, then you really aren’t. It’s as good as death. It seems everyone and Shirou especially were right when they told him that by not feeling alive, in a way he was already dead.

What Okachi said about the thin line was apparently true. You can’t see it well, but it’s there, and maybe you can spot it better using your feelings. Close your eyes, calm your breathing and look deep within yourself, and you will know what side you’re on.

Knowing that he’s firmly on the side of life, Saburou is going to be alright from now on. After all, he’s Natsukawa Saburou. The many hopes and dreams within him can only come true. Having lost his physical limbs, he will dance using the ones inside him up until the darkness is finally broken by dawn. Alone, but that’s alright. He finally likes himself. Giving up on things he hates, recognizing the beloved things in himself.

No matter what, he’ll always be Saburou. Saburou, Saburou, ha ha ha, Saburou, Dubi-Duba. Yeahhhhh!

#sparkly reads tcd #maijo and jdc stuff #that last thing is the back of the book's dust jacket #so after you finish reading and close it you're like OHHHH #I GET IT NOW

2 notes · View notes

tlatollotl · 6 years

Link

There's no other way to put it: Maria de los Angeles Tun Burgos is a supermom.

She's raising five children, does housework and chores — we're talking about fresh tortillas every day made from stone-ground corn — and she helps with the family's business in their small village about 2 1/2 hours west of Cancun on the Yucatan.

Sitting on a rainbow-colored hammock inside her home, Burgos, 41, is cool as a cucumber. It's morning, after breakfast. Her youngest daughter, 4-year-old Alexa, sits on her knee, clearly trying to get her attention by hitting a teddy bear on her mom's leg. The middle daughter, 9-year-old Gelmy, is running around with neighborhood kids — climbing trees, chasing chickens — and her oldest daughter, 12-year-old Angela, has just woken up and started doing the dishes, without being asked. The older kids aren't in school because it's spring break.

Burgos is constantly on parental duty. She often tosses off little warnings about safety: "Watch out for the fire" or "Don't play around the construction area." But her tone is calm. Her body is relaxed. There's no sense of urgency or anxiety.

In return, the children offer minimal resistance to their mother's advice. There's little whining, little crying and basically no yelling or bickering.

In general, Burgos makes the whole parenting thing look — dare, I say it — easy. So I ask her: "Do you think that being a mom is stressful?"

Burgos looks at me as if I'm from Mars. "Stressful? What do you mean by stressful?" she responds through a Mayan translator.

A five-minute conversation ensues between Burgos and the translator, trying to convey the idea of "stressful." There doesn't seem to be a straight-up Mayan term, at least not pertaining to motherhood.

But finally, after much debate, the translator seems to have found a way to explain what I mean, and Burgos answers.

"There are times that I worry about my children, like when my son was 12 and only wanted to be with his friends and not study," Burgos says. "I was worried about his future." But once she guided him back on track, the worry went away.

In general, she shows no sense of chronic worry or stress.

"I know that raising kids is slow," she says. "Little by little they will learn."

Breast, formula or goat?

Burgos learned how to be a mom by watching — and helping — her own mom, her aunts and her neighbors raise many children. Throughout her childhood, she was training to be a mom.

Here in the U.S., many parents don't have this firsthand experience before having children themselves. Instead, we often learn about burping, potty training and tantrum control through parenting books, Google searches and YouTube videos. But this information comes with two big caveats, which aren't always divulged.

For starters, parenting advice can give the impression that the recommendations are based on science. But a deep look at some studies reveals that the science is more like smoke and mirrors. Sometimes the studies don't even test what the parenting expert is purporting they do.

Take for instance a study often cited as evidence that the "cry-it-out" method of sleep training is effective. The method claims that if babies are left to cry themselves to sleep, eventually they will learn to fall asleep on their own without crying, and sleep through the night.

But what the study actually tests is a gentler regime, in which babies were left to cry for only a short amount of time before being comforted. And the parents were supported by a hefty amount of personalized counseling on their babies' sleep and eating habits. The babies who made progress also did not retain the ability to put themselves to sleep and stay asleep over the long term.

As psychologist Ben Bradley argues in his book Vision of Infancy, a Critical Introduction to Psychology: "Scientific observations about babies are more like mirrors which reflect back the preoccupations and visions of those who study them than like windows opening directly on the foundations of the mind."

And sometimes the data supporting the recommendation are so flimsy that another study in a few years will come along and not only overturn the first study but completely flip the advice 180 degrees.

This is exactly what happened last year with peanuts. Back in 2000, the American Academy of Pediatrics advised parents not to give babies peanut butter because one study suggested early exposure would increase the risk of developing an allergy. But last year, the medical community made a complete about-face on the advice and now says "Let them eat peanuts!" Early peanut exposure actually prevents allergies, follow up studies have found.

So if science isn't the secret sauce to parenting books, what is? To answer that, we have to go back in time.

In the early 1980s, the British writer Christina Hardyment began reviewing more than 650 parenting books and manuals, dating all the way back to the mid-1700s when advice publications started appearing in hospitals. The result is an illuminating book, called Dream Babies, which traces the history of parenting advice from 17th-century English physician and philosopher John Locke to the modern-day medical couple Bill and Martha Sears.

The conclusions from the book are as clear as your baby's tears: Advice in parenting books is typically based not on rigorous scientific studies as is at times claimed but on the opinions and experiences of the authors and on theories from past parenting manuals — sometimes as long as the 18th century.

Then there's the matter of consistency — or lack thereof. Since the late 1700s, "experts" have flip-flopped recommendations over and over, from advising strict routines and discipline to a more permissive, laissez-faire approach and back again.

"While babies and parents remain constants, advice on the former to the latter veers with the winds of social, philosophical and psychological change," Hardyment writes. "There is no such thing as a generally applicable blueprint for perfect parenting."

Take, for instance, the idea that babies need to feed on a particular schedule. According to Hardyment's research, that advice first appears in a London hospital pamphlet in 1748. Sleep schedules for babies start coming into fashion in the early 1900s. And sleep training? That idea was proposed by a British surgeon-turned-sports writer in 1873. If babies "are left to go to sleep in their cots, and allowed to find out that they do not get their way by crying, they at once become reconciled, and after a short time will go to bed even more readily in the cot than on the lap," John Henry Walsh wrote in his Manual of Domestic Economy.

Even the heated debate about breastfeeding has been simmering, and flaring up, for at least 250 years, Hardyment shows. In the 18th century, mothers didn't have high-tech formula but had many recommendations about what was best for the baby and the family. Should a mother send the baby off to a wet nurse's home, so her husband won't be offended by the sight of a baby suckling? And if the family couldn't afford a wet nurse, there was specially treated cow's milk available or even better, the baby could be nursed by a goat, 18th-century parenting books advised. (If you're wondering how moms accomplished such a feat, Hardyment includes an 18th-century drawing of a young mom pushing a swaddled newborn underneath a goat's udder.)

Goat udders aside, perhaps the bigger issue with parenting books and advice on the Web is what they aren't telling you. And boy, is there a large hole.

These sources ignore most of the world and come almost entirely from the experience of Western culture. But when it comes to understanding what a baby needs, how kids work and what to do when your toddler is lying on the sidewalk (just asking for a friend), Western society might not be the best place to focus.

"WEIRD," stressed-out parents equal anxious kids?

In 2010, three scientists at the University of British Columbia, Vancouver, rocked the psychology world.

They published a 23-page paper titled "The weirdest people in the world?" And in it, uncovered a major limitation with many psychological studies, especially those claiming to address questions of "human nature."

First, the team noted that the vast majority of studies in psychology, cognitive science and economics — about 96 percent — have been performed on people with European backgrounds. And yet, when scientists perform some of these experiments in other cultures the results often don't match up. Westerners stick out as outliers on the spectrum of behavior, while people from indigenous cultures tend to clump together, more in the middle.

Even in experiments that appear to test basic brain function, like visual perception, Westerners can act strangely. Take one of the most famous optical illusions — the Muller-Lyer illusion, from 1889.

The Müller-Lyer illusion, devised in 1889.

Americans often believe the second line is about 20 percent longer than the first, even though the two lines are exactly the same length. But when scientists gave the test to 14 indigenous cultures, none of them were tricked to the same degree as Westerners. Some cultures, such as the San foragers in southern Africa's Kalahari desert, knew the two lines were equal length.

The conclusion from these analyses was startling: People from Western society, "including young children, are among the least representative populations one could find for generalizing about humans," Joseph Heinrich and his colleagues wrote. The researchers even came up with a catchy acronym to describe the phenomenon. They called our culture WEIRD, for Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich and Democratic societies.

With that paper, the ethnocentric view of psychology cracked. It wasn't so much that the emperor of psychology had no clothes. It was more that he was dancing around in Western garb pretending to represent all humanity.

A few years later, an anthropologist from Utah State University, David Lancy, performed a similar analysis on parenting. The conclusion was just as clear-cut: When you look around the world and throughout human history, the Western style of parenting is WEIRD. We are outliers.

In many instances, what we think is "necessary" or "critical" for childhood is actually not present in any other cultures around the world or throughout time.

"The list of differences is really, really long," says David Lancy, who summarizes them in the second edition of his landmark book The Anthropology of Childhood: Cherubs, Chattel, Changelings. "There may be 40 to 50 things that we do that you don't see in indigenous cultures."

Perhaps most striking is how Western society segregates children from adults. We have created two worlds: the kid world and the adult world. And we go through great pains to keep them apart. Kids have their own special foods, their own times to go to sleep, their own activities on the weekends. Kids go to school. Parents go to work. "Much of the adult culture ... is restricted [for kids]," Lancy writes. "Children are perceived as too young, uneducated, or burdensome to be readily admitted to the adult sphere."

But in many indigenous cultures, children are immersed in the adult world early on, and they acquire great skills from the experience. They learn to socialize, to do household chores, cook food and master a family's business, Lancy writes.

Western culture is also a relative newcomer to parenting. Hunter-gatherers and other indigenous cultures have had tens of thousands of years to hone their strategies, not to mention that the parent-child relationship actually evolved in these contexts.

Of course, just because a practice is ancient, "natural" or universal doesn't mean it's necessarily better, especially given that Western kids eventually have to live — and hopefully succeed — in a WEIRD society. But widening the parenting lens, even just a smidgen, has a practical purpose: It gives parents options.

"When you look at the whole world and see the diversity out there, parents can start to imagine other ways of doing things," says Suzanne Gaskins, a developmental psychologist at Northeastern Illinois University, who for 40 years has been studying how Maya moms in the Yucatan raise helpful kids.

"Some of the approaches families use in other cultures might fit an American child's needs better than the advice they are given in books or from the pediatricians," she adds.

Who's in charge?

So what kind of different philosophies are out there?

When I spent time with Maya families that Gaskins has studied, I saw a very different approach to control.

In Western culture, parenting is often about control.

"We think of obedience from a control angle. Somebody is in charge and the other one is doing what they are told because they have to," says Barbara Rogoff, a psychologist at the University of California, Santa Cruz, who has studied the Maya culture for 30 years.

Gelmy, one of the five kids in Maria de los Angeles Tun Burgosa's family, rakes the backyard of their home in Yucatan, Mexico.

And if you pay attention to the way parents interact with children in our society, the idea is blazingly obvious. We tend to boss them around. "Put your shoes on!" or "Eat your sandwich!"

"People think either the adult is in control or the child is in control," Rogoff says.

But what if there is another way to interact with kids that removes control from the equation, almost altogether?

That's exactly what the Mayas — and several other indigenous cultures — do. Instead of trying to control children, Rogoff says, parents aim to collaborate with them.

"It's kids and adults together accomplishing a common goal," Rogoff says. "It's not letting the kids do whatever they want. It's a matter of children — and parents — being willing to be guided."

In the Maya culture, even the littlest of children are treated with this respect. "It's collaborative from the get-go."

The idea is so strong that some Mayan languages don't even have a word for "control" when talking about children, Rogoff says.

After visiting the Maya village this spring, I've been trying this approach with my 2 1/2-year-old daughter. For instance, I often struggle to get Rosemary to put her clothes on the morning. In the past, I would nag and yell: "Put your shoes on! Get your jacket!"

But now I try a more collaborative approach. "Rosemary, mom, dad and Mango [our dog] are all going to the beach," I explain. "If you want to go to the beach, you have to put your shoes on. Do you want to go to the beach?" So far it's working.

And if Rosemary says she doesn't want to go to the beach? What would a Maya mom do? She would drop her off at an aunt's or neighbor's house and spend an afternoon without her. Because Maya families also have a different idea about who is supposed to care for the kids. One way to think of it: They don't keep mom in a box.

Get mom out of the box

In our culture there's a lingering belief that the ideal family structure for kids is a stay-at-home mom who devotes her full attention to the kids. That may sound like a relic from the past. But even just 10 years ago, 41 percent of people thought moms working outside was harmful to society, PEW research found. The result is a mom stuck in an apartment or a single-family home — which are both essentially boxes — raising children, alone.

But if you look around the world and throughout human history, this parenting approach is arguably one of the most nontraditional out there. The notion that the mom is responsible for raising the children, alone, is even strange within Western culture. Up until about 150 years ago, households were much larger and included extended family members and sometimes paid help, historian Stephanie Coontz documents in The Way We Never Were. And women were expected to earn some income for the family. "Women not only brought home half the bacon, they often raised and butchered the pig," Coontz says.

Anthropologist David Lancy compares the "mom in the box" approach to parenting to what happens with an Inuit family in the Arctic, when inclement weather isolates a mom and her child in an igloo and forces the mom to be the only playmate for the children. Most of the burden of parenting is placed on the mom. "There is every reason to believe that modern living conditions in which infants and toddlers are isolated from peers in single-parent or nuclear households produce a parallel effect," Lancy writes: a mom left to a perform a role typically performed by children — that is, siblings, cousins, neighborhood kids and whoever else is hanging around a home.

Human children didn't evolve in a nuclear family. Instead, for hundreds of thousands of years, kids have been brought up with a slew of people — grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, the neighbors, Lancy writes. It's not that you need a whole village, as the saying goes, but rather an extended family — which could include biological relatives but also neighbors, close friends or paid help.

Throughout human history, motherhood has been seen as a set of tasks that can be accomplished by many types of people, like relatives and neighbors, the historian John R. Gillis writes in The World Of Their Own Making. Anthropologists call them "alloparents" — "allo" simply means "other."

Across the globe, cultures consider alloparents key to raising children, Lancy writes.

The Maya moms value and embrace alloparents. Their homes are porous structures and all sorts of "allomoms" flow in and out. When a woman has a baby, other moms work together to make sure she can take a break each day to take a shower and eat meals, without having to hold the baby. (How civilized is that!)

In one household with four kids that I visited, the aunt dropped off food, the grandma stopped by to help with a neighbor's baby and, all the while, the oldest daughter looked after the toddler — while the mom fed the livestock and started to make lunch. But in Western culture, over the past few centuries, we have pushed alloparents to the periphery of the parenting landscape, Gillis writes. They aren't as valued and sometimes even denigrated as a means for working moms to outsource parenting duties.

In the past few generations, fathers have stepped up and started helping with a big chunk of parenting duties. Since 1965, American dads have more than doubled the number of hours they spend each week on child care, PEW research found. But moms still carry most of the load. They spend, on average, 14 hours each week on child care while fathers spend about 7.

The result is something unique in human history: A mom stuck in a box, often alone, doing the job typically performed by a handful of people. As Gillis writes, "Never have mothers been so burdened by motherhood."

#maya #yucatan #mexico #mother's day #mother #motherhood #children #psychology #anthropology #sociology #parenting #babies #kids #family

125 notes · View notes

royallyanxious · 7 years

Text

Collapsing Star Prologue

So I’ve started yet another story this time with a big pinch of moxiety (and eventual prinxiety because I’m a trash and can’t write anything else bye)

Collapsing Star

Obviously you can read it on AO3

next chapter

Parings: one sided moxiety, eventual prinxiety, logicality

word count: 2582

tw: depression and anxiety disorder

Roman is sitting relaxed on Patton's sofa, laughing at one of his puns. They accidentally bumped into each other few weeks ago just after Roman moved back to his hometown. That was their first meeting since high school times. Yet Patton's pun remained just as pure as they used to be. And Logan is still getting as annoyed as he used to be upon hearing them. The only difference is that now Patton kisses down each of Logan's frowns. Roman smiles. He's happy that these two found their way together. He used to ship them so hard during the school times and when he learnt that Logan is going overseas to study his heart broke. Apparently he came back after two years, called Patton and week later they were happy couple. They now have been dating for 3 years and Roman couldn't get happier. And apparently so do they.

"Oh man so many things has changed since high school..." sighs Roman "You two are together. I, instead of being a hollywood star, am managing the theater... So many has changed..." He looks around the comfy apartment Logan and Patton share. It’s so cozy, he has never been here before and yet it feels like home already.

"But is it a bad thing though?" beams Patton "As long as we're all happy it shouldn't matter what we accomplished and have yet to accomplish in our lifes!"

"Agreed." nods Logan and delicately squeezes Patton thigh.

"And I'm so glad that you came back to Florida Ro!" adds Patton grabbing a cookie "We've missed you so much here! This town seems so boring without you!"

"Well Patton, technically the number of residents of this city makes it almost impossible to avoid any interesting situa-" he stops in the middle of the sentence and the smile drops off his face "Your earbud is..."

Patton with one quick move clicks the earbud which has been in his ear since Roman walked through the door. Now that he thinks of it Patton has been wearing it every time since the reunion in grocery store few weeks ago.

"Hello?" asks Patton. He's not smiling anymore. His face is serious and his lips form one thin line. Roman can't remember seeing Patton like that. "Never." Says Patton after few seconds and Roman catches a sight of sadness in his eyes. Apparently someone on the other side of the phone has said something sad or disturbing. Patton has always been a sensitive guy. He gestures Logan to give him a piece of paper and quickly notes down some address "Okay I have this. Stay on the phone. I'm coming. Stay on the phone." he says and quickly walks out of the room. Soon the front door shuts and Patton leaves. Confused Roman looks at Logan who sighs and rests his elbows on knees.

"A lot has changed since you left Roman." he clears his throat awkwardly. This is new to Roman too. He knows that Logan hardly ever has problems with explaining things, but this time he seems to be clearly uncomfortable.

"You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to Lo. I understand that we may have… grown apart a little bit" says Roman, even though he's really curious. He knows that his friends' feelings go first so if Logan doesn't want to talk about it- he's not going to force him.

"No, it's nothing really..." Logan exhales loudly "Despite the time that has passed I still consider you one of my closest friends Roman." he smiles slightly and Roman smiles back. He's glad that the relation between them hasn't faded away completely and now they can restore this friendship.

"So?" asks Roman and moves a little bit closer. Now he can ask about details. The tight grip on his heart disappeared being replaced with new one. Why was Patton sad? What happened when he Romas was away?

"So you know Patton..." Logan's voice is a little bit softer when he says the name of his boyfriend "He's the best human walking on this world. He sees the best in people and he loves to help others..."

"Mhm..."

"Few months ago Patton has registered into this program."

"What program?"

"It's called...Guardian Angel... I doubt you’ve heard of it. It’s this kind of program you wouldn't never hear about unless you look for it. And believe me Patton was looking for something like this for a long time... But let’s start from beginning, shall we? You remember that he used to suffer from depression, right?"

Roman nods quietly. These were dark days. The diagnosis and the struggles Patton has to face every day... Finally he managed to win with the illness but Roman knows that he still has to check up at doctor from time to time.

"So Guardian Angel is about helping people with depression and other mental illnesses. The recreation process is long and arduous but Patton of course was determined to become someone's angel. He passed all the tests. And it’s not easy to pass them for someone who himself has had troubles with mental illnesses…. So after that he had to wait for a person who needed help and was willing to put themselves under Patton's care."

"Willing to?" Roman raises his eyebrow.

"Yes, the person of whom you're taking care of chooses the guardian themselves. Patton was like a little teddy bear to be shot down at the lottery. It made me a little bit mad because Patton being Patton was worried that no one will like him enough to choose him. But... after weeks of waiting someone has appeared... A boy though he would be offended if he heard me speaking like that about him." Logan chuckles "He's 19 now, but he was 17 back then... his name... his name is Virgil. And Patton is up to his disposition 24 hours per day, 7 days per week. He even have a special earbud. You must have noticed it. So whenever Virgil doesn’t do well or needs help Patton is there to pick up the phone which mostly ends up with him taking Virgil home.”

Roman leans, trying to analyses what Logan has just said to him.

"So now Patton is...?"

"Yes, picking up Virgil. They will probably come here if Virgil feels like meeting someone new. But I think he doesn’t mind that too much. So unless you want to leave, you can stay. You're no bother Roman." Logan stands up "I have to make some tea. Virgil will probably want something hot to drink... He was probably wandering around the town with his friends again. It always ends up like that... He gets hurt and..."

Roman follows Logan to the kitchen and watches as his friend boils the water. Suddenly a question pops into his mind.

"Are how do you feel about this situation?" he asks and Logan smiles slightly.

"At first it was weird... You know technically I’m no one to Virgil. I mean, I’m not the part of the project so at first I felt a little bit excluded. Especially since there are days when Virgil has to stay with us for a few days... And sometimes he needs to be taken to the doctor... Things like that felt weird at the beginning but now..." the smile grows wider "He feels almost like a little brother you have to take care of which is a pain but you still love him. It's hard to explain but despite all these horrible things he has been through Virgil is great person. And he has grown up so much during past two years! You wouldn't believe! He's so much mature now! He's not attending college yet but we're slowly thinking about it. He's health goes first so I sometimes teach him some random stuff from my textbooks, you know Roman and... wait what are you laughing about?" Logan frowns and Roman can't hold the laughter inside anymore.

"I've never thought about you in terms of proud father Lo!" he exclaims finally as he somehow manages to conduct a series of breathes in order to calm himself down. Logan snorts.

"If you spend as much of your time with someone like Virgil you would be proud of him too."

"Yea... That's what I dream of Lo.” Roman’s voice is laced with sarcasm “Handsome male with sad background story and I'm his prince on white horse! But in my vision I'm his lover. Not his mother, Logan!" laughs Roman. He knows he shouldn't but he still laughs. He feels a spark of excitement when corners of Logan's lips travel up.

"You haven't changed at all Roman." he shakes his head and pours the tea with water. Small, cozy kitchen fills with the smell of green tea and mint. "Do you like mint tea? Sorry that's all I have since Patton started freaking out about Virgil's health, all we eat and drink recently are greens." he says it completely seriously but Roman can sense a tickle of humor in the tone of Logan's voice.

"Mint is okay." replies Roman and Logan take another mug out of the cupboard. All of them are covered with colorful dots except of one which has little purple bat on it. Roman doesn't need a genius to guess who's the owner of this mug. He tries to imagine Virgil. He’s probably shy… With blonde angelic locks and big, green eyes. Following Patton everywhere like a lost puppy. Most likely wearing all grey. And on the top of that- gay. Roman hums to himself.

"Logan aren't you jealous though?" he asks with curiosity after few minutes.

"What do you mean?" Logan looks at him with surprise.

"I mean... Patton and Virgil must share a special bond since Patton is his ‘angel’, oh my that sounds stupid but anyway... The age gap between them is only 4 years too. And as you said before you don’t have access to everything they do. And that earbud thingy… Doesn’t it worry you a little bit? I know that you consider Virgil as your younger brother but... He doesn't have to think that way. Okay and now you’re laughing? Great just great, would you enlighten me what you find so funny?” Roman grunts embarrassed watching Logan holding his stomach as a wave of giggles comes from his mouth.

"Don't worry friend. First of all, Virgil and Patton tell me everything. I don’t feel excluded even in the slightest. Second of all... Virgil has hinted us recently that he may or may not have a girlfriend."

"Straight? In 21st century?" mocks Roman teasingly and Logan raises hands in defense.

"Hey, I'm no one to judge! He knows that I will support him no matter what. But." he stops abruptly and points at Roman "You. Don't you dare to hit on this boy. Playboy."

"I'm not a boy anymore Lo-ogic." snorts bored voice from the corridor and Roman immediately turns around. So that must be Virgil. He looks nothing like Roman has imagined. He's leaning over the door-frame with his hands crossed on the chest. He's wearing a dark leather jacket and black skinny jeans. His bangs is dyed purple and Roman would say that he looks like a classical bad-boy if it wasn't that Virgil's whole face is smudged with resting of black eyeliner and eyeshadow. Streams of tears are still visible on his cheeks.

"Oh Virgil. You're here. How amazing." smiles Logan softly. "Oh you too Patton. I've made you some tea. Sit down, both of it. You must be tired. So Pat, did it go smoothly?" asks Logan as Patton sits next to Roman who feels a little bit out of place right now. He watches as Virgil lazily walks over to the chair and literally falls onto it. He leans his head back with closed eyes. Roman finds it a little bit weird but basing on lack of reaction in both Logan and Patton's posture he assumes that it's normal.

"He forgot to take his meds again." sighs Patton with a pinch of accusation in his voice.

"Oh." escapes from Logan's mouth.

"For a week." finishes Patton.

"Oh!" this sigh is much more aggressive and both Logan and Patton stares into Virgil's exposed neck as if they were trying to burn holes in it.

"I just didn't feel like it." mumbles Virgil more to himself than to Logan or Patton. The purple lacy ribbon around his neck, moves slightly on his Adam’s apple.

"Well young man you know I will have to report that." Patton clicks his tongue. "Could you at least tell me if you have them with you?"

Virgil rolls his head and finally faces Roman. Until now Roman hasn't realized that he is sitting directly in front of Virgil. He gulps. This is awkward but Virgil doesn’t seem to care about Roman at all. Not something Roman has expected from a mentally ill person but who is he to judge.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't..." hums Virgil almost cheerfully and takes out his phone.

"Virgil." Logan's voice is cold and sends chills down Roman's spine but it seems that it doesn't bother Virgil even in the slightest. He types something into the phone, waiting if either Patton or Logan say something more.

"Okay I will take them now." he groans finally after replying to some text and takes off small box. Roman can't see the name of the medicine but it's pretty obvious that it's antidepressants. Virgil quickly gulps the pill. "Satisfied?"

Logan sighs and Patton smiles brightly.

"You want us to treat you like an adult and yet you act like this..." says Logan, gets up from the table and leaves the room mumbling something about writing to the doctor.

Roman notices that Virgil almost immediately buries his nose in his phone.

"Who are you texting kiddo?" asks Patton sweetly and Virgil flinches a little bit. His bangs fall into his eyes more and more.

"No one special." Comes a quick reply.

"Girlfriend?" chuckles Patton.

"Maybe." replies Virgil shortly with his eyes still glued to the phone.

Patton giggles once again.

"Do you want some more tea Roman? Oh right! Roman you don't know Virgil. I mean officially! Roman this is my little Virgil. Virgil honey this is my old friend Roman."

Virgil finally brings himself to look up at Roman.

"Sup?" he says quickly and his gaze drops down again.

"Nice to meet you too..." snorts Roman. Patton laughs as if he was watching a good comedy, not an awkward meeting. He gets up and ruffles Virgil's hair.

"I'll be back in a minute." he says and turns around.

Huge blush crawls on Virgil's face and he quietly looks above his shoulder at Patton who disappears in the door. Small smile wanders in the corner of his lips and Roman gasps. Virgil instantly turns his gaze on Roman and bites his lip. They for a while stare at each other trying to read each other's expression. Virgil is the first one who turns away his eyes.

"Guilty." flashes through Roman's head but he stays silent. Instead his clicks his tongue. To his utter surprise Virgil hisses at him.

"What the-"

"What?" grunts Virgil and his gaze falls back on the phone "Have you never seen a hissing emo with make-up ruined from crying."

Roman laughs quietly.

"No, I have not."

"You're welcome then." Virgil's eyes look up for a tiny piece of second before dropping down again.

126 notes · View notes