#or any other aspect of my gender identity tbh

[catgirlbussy]

im gonna do a lil sadpost, as a treat. if u dun wanna read that or interact or anything there's no harm done <3 it kinda feels nice sayin stuff into the void tbh, cause i know as i look out ill always see myself at minimum, and im still thankful. im alive. if someone can relate or whatever then thats a neat bonus ★

I'm not super sure how to formulate these thoughts, cause lots of it is just incompressible /feeling/. I've been on HRT for close to two years now, and modifying my internal physical landscape alongside the work I put in with the ways I've learned sharing benefit so far, like therapy and self-directed exploration of my emotions and the simple but vital practice of being more open with others about how I'm feeling, has uncovered a lot.

It's been overwhelmingly positive in so many ways. I don't have any regrets for starting this set of changes, even with full knowledge of the difficulties I've had rise as a result and that more are on the horizon, and also full awareness in that I will need to continue putting in the *good* work to care for myself and learn how to navigate the parts in my mind I'd kept hidden or obscured for so long. It's not /bad/, I feel so grateful to have this opportunity at all and I feel bounteous joys in this trove of beautiful experiences that, up 'till not too long ago, I never thought I'd be able to experience -- though I absolutely still dreamed of having them so vividly.

I have a lot of good graces in my life re: my transition. In a lot of ways I feel I've been exceedingly lucky. Canada has its fair share of problems without a doubt, but I also know full well there are a lot more places on our planet where it's much more difficult to be openly trans, let alone dangerous or lethal. I don't take that as an opportunity to rest, either, because having cracks forming in the firmament, letting in light to my dream of a world where trans experiences are accepted (and to note most thoroughly, I'm learning more of a lot of cultures in days gone by, /including some aspects of my own heritage/, having extended gender representations ingrained in their societal norms, some as far even to revere the dynamic and unique experience of existing beyond the gender binary in whatever way they saw as such) for **everyone** spurs in me an even deeper and impassioned drive to work in the ways I'm able to foster communication and connection while rebuking hostility so more and more beautiful, valid trans folks can experience respite and respect and safety as well.

I'm not wanting necessarily to change minds and upend the posture of society with this particular post, though, and so I hope you'll forgive me in my expressing my small, localised set of emotions in this moment. At the root of everything I experience I'm starting to get better at reminding myself that I'm a valid *individual person* in addition to being a contributor in the push for good and kindness for all.

It's probably telling that I feel the need to offer ~4 paragraphs as a disclaimer that I spend time learning about the global scale and am effortful in enacting progress there before just getting on with what I'm even feeling sad about. I don't see myself as a holy martyr for being nervous about expressing myself, but it seems more and more common evidently rather than by my hypothesis alone that many trans individuals would get by prior to exploring their gendered identity with burgeoning self-acceptance with a marked self-exclusionary behaviour when it came to opening themselves to emotional experience, regardless of any given instance being gendered or not. Until it becomes unmanageable, it feels easier to lock away senses of joy, sadness, etc. cause you can keep gettin on by in a sort of functional state and you tell yourself thats enough.

This is far from the worst thing I've come across so far, but I am feeling confused and the confusion is unique in its own way to the extent that I'm not even able to pin down how I /feel/ about feeling it. At its heart I can't seem to muster the right formulation of words to explain to others these particular experiences I'm having in my transition. Painting in broad strokes can be such disservice to the nuance for any individual's cluster of experiences, but tumblr if anything *for me* has brought much happiness in finding threads of commonality with others. Stark contrasts to my feelings of loneliness and seclusion from the world around me give me so much hope. I'm writing this partly in hopes that there is another one of those threads people might appreciate seeing. I do more than my fair share of journaling, but this one feels special and worth sharing right now, and so decadently I write these words for a community beyond myself.

To be blunted, perhaps I might phrase it by saying 'i feel sad about being happy.' It's that sort of absurdist perspective that helps me wrap my head around it a little better with how little sense it makes to my normal machinations. I'm not sad that I am having these new and thrilling experiences of adding or or changing parts of myself to live in the way I best see fit for who I am, but I feel sad because I don't know how to.

I get locked up at the slightest things. Someone compliments my nails, and its so hard to communicate efficiently the impossibly depthed importance this literally surficial act has for me. They aren't even painted well, but I painted them /myself/, I felt catharsis in exploring my love of artistic expression in the choice of colours, I rode high on the thrill of watching this new skill form in my own hands. The coat is uneven and I can't quite keep myself from getting knicks in places as they dry yet and I'm still practicing the nail care associated with maintaining healthy and resilient nails, but if I can be so bold to say, god forbid women do anything.

This person obviously wasn't chastising me for partaking in a traditionally "femininely-associated act", let alone that so thoroughly most things people take for gendered in no way innately are, the whole binary supposition is a damned myth. But because of how I was brought up and the mindset I was taught to have before I fought to think for myself instead, this was a joy I'd always admired but felt I was abhorrent for wanting to partake in. Absolutely anyone who feels otherwise can irrevocably go fuck themselves if they aren't willing to examine the falsity of the foundational thoughts they 'think' they have leading them to ever want someone to abstain from such a viscerally unobstructive and innocuous form of self exploration and creativity bexause it's "for girls". This goes for anything. For anyone. Idc who you are or what label you wanna use at any given moment, go explore. Live life. God fuck do we need people to just experience joy in some ways so we aren't so incorrigible and hostile towards eachother.

But you don't stop whoever took 15 seconds out of their say to mention to you they like the colour and wanted you to know to discurse at length upon the structural bastardisation of who people are allowed to be, cause more than any of that I just want to feel happy about it.

I literally stutter out whatever form of thanks my malformed emotionally-communicative faculties can muster in this surprise and try not to start sobbing in the grocery store aisle or whatever. It's so /good/, and it's so frustrating that I don't even know how to just process and appreciate that it is.

I was so much an absentee in my own bodied self that I could not fathom an understanding of what gender euphoria was until it snuck up smashed me in the teeth. I didn't have any basis of understanding for what it was really like to be happy about some part of myself.

Despite my loneliness I have still had the experiences of friendships, people caring about me, and relationships where a partner genuinely appreciated parts of me, physical, mental, emotional, whatever. More now than ever I am having those experiences as I learn to come out of my cloister inside my head. But this time I'm not just numb to everything. Sure, as I'm learning to not just be unilaterally numb until my bastion of self-isolation fails and I break there is abundance of pain, but the pain I honestly prefer. It's more vivid than it's ever been before, but I can benchmark that I'm still alive by its contrast to neutrality. It's familiar, and my mechanisms of clutching my emotions into my soul can still carry me forward as I try to figure things out. But fuck me is it ever hard to have a happy experience and not know how to communicate that it tore my sense of stability in those moments to shreds. To lose the composure that carried me for so many years because someone sought to share something with me they thought I'd appreciate because they care about me feels so counterproductive to just enjoying the absolute gift that experience is.

Abstractly, as I'm wont to do to a remarkably self-apparent fault, I can tell myself that these things take time. Human emotion is so complex, and its panoply of shifting lights glinting as the facets move their positioning relative to the light of being alive is what drives me to do art, and it always has been, contradictory so fully to my desire to lock everything away. I can't circumnavigate multiple decades of trauma and be free and unfettered in my senses in an instant just because I'm aware it's possible. And so I try so fucking hard not to just sit down and cry in that grocery store aisle, cause it hurts so bad to be happy.

How dare I find glints of good in the polluted landscape we live in. But that mindset helps nothing. People striving to live amidst turmoil is what makes life worth living. There will always be strife, but there will always be the possibility for hope alongside it.

Without fail, each night I'll self-soothe myself into a mode of somewhat-restfulness imagining what it would be like to trust myself enough to be imperfect and let someone hold me. It's the only thing I do anymore. It even backfires sometimes and I just waking-dream my way through countless blissful scenarios about what it would be like if that cute girl I've been starting to become friends with mentioned she wanted to hold my hand for hours until the sun comes up and I know I won't have any sleep at all. It's so goddamn worth it. I revel in it, because at least in the theatre of my mind I can find small ways of letting myself feel those joys. They aren't really happening. It's my own hand rubbing a thumb gently along my collarbone in a faux affection. But it's the only way I've found that's not so obstructively blinding in intensity for me to practice what it would be like to be close to others.

I still lose my sense of self so often. I find bruises from where I bumped into things and wholesale didn't notice until the tiredness sets in and I can't autonomously ignore how sore I am. I dive effortlessly into the placid waters of dissociation when someone gives me a hug, despite that being what I have dreamed of for so many years during my self-imposed isolation. Someone tells me they like an art piece I've made and I stopper any sense of pride or appreciation for their kind words despite pouring however much time channeling my slowly uncoiling understanding of reality into every particle of it and wishing that my experiences could convey any amount of any feeling whatsoever to another living being with the entirely selfish act of wanting that I feel like I had a real connection.

I can't get by with chainsmoking and shelf-set pain medications and blind ignorance any more. I can't ignore how badly I want to feel. I am figuring it out instant by instant and it scares me horribly. One day my yearnings for closeness will be actualised because I'll be ready to open when they come. My selfsense-extracted mutterings of the hypothetical joys of being pressed down into sheets and kissed because someone deigned to gift me with attention for they hold appreciation of this newly forming, ill-configured, but ultimately revelatory feminine self I'm becoming will no longer be fiction and prose but the rawness of experience that I, once, and then more, can lose myself into without terror thay I'm inadequate and never truly worth it. Someone will touch my breasts and love me for loving them myself and I'll give in to the annihilating instant where I am no longer a sense of self but just am. This body is not me but my, and I will scrape and fight however I can muster to live vicariously thru it because that is what I am meant to do by being here alive at all. If anything ever again I want to feel what love is like.

I'm not even reading this back to see if it conveys properly let alone makes sense at all. I'm exhausted and in so much pain. If you read this, thanks, and, if you can, go hug someone you love today.

[xx-slug-xx]

Hello! It have been a while since i've heard about the controversies of Viv, especially about some of her views

If you want, can you explain about her transphobia, homophobia, racism and antisemitism, pls?

I’m not an expert by any means, but I can explain a little bit. There’s other sources that are more reliable than my word though, especially since I’m not going to go into huge detail lol. I encourage you to do your own research, my word is not law and there’s a good chance I’m misinformed.

I will give a disclaimer that, despite being proship, I do discuss some of the things she depicts in her fictional works on top of things she does irl. Some of which is just my opinions based on observation of the show. But most of this is in regard to stereotypes being portrayed, which is an area of fiction that actively perpetuates bigotry and I don’t really see it as “just fiction”. That’s just me though. There’s some screenshots of how she treats real people too.

Anyway, antisemitism:

The character Mimzy from HH is a blatant Jewish stereotype. Not only is she someone who’s extremely money hungry, small sharp teeth, short, fat, has a nasally voice, but she’s also got the classic hooked nose that’s seen in antisemitic propaganda, (none are bad things on their own. If it wasn’t for all of them combined, then I wouldn’t think twice about it tbh) On top of that, she’s not a well liked character in the show, being portrayed as annoying, selfish, greedy, and even sleazy to some extent. She’s not a character that has many positive aspects to her

But on top of that the character Rosie is based on the Jewish mother stereotype as well. It’s even in her audition notes.

But wait! There more! She was a fan of the I-hate-jewce blog here on tumblr, as she followed them and did an art trade with them that depicted Hitler as a Sausage Party character. The excuse she makes was that she didn’t believe in I-hate-jewce’s opinions, but admired their way they voiced their opinions. And that it was a different time when making jokes and stating harmful opinions like these were “more accepted”. Which, to me, is a piss poor excuse for being a bigot in the past and/or present.

Onto transphobia:

This screenshot may be faked, but it also lines up with her pfp at the time the screenshots were taken, as well as other viewpoints she’s lauded to. They are from discord, formatting is wierd bc they were taken in compact mode

However, she does misgender her trans associates. There’s been an ongoing (to my knowledge) situation and dispute between someone named Ken and Vivzie. Ken uses they/them pronouns. Vivzie has been seen many times referring to Ken using she/her, despite knowing Ken’s identity quite well. Here’s some screenshots from some times they’ve talked together, Vivzie talking about Ken to others, and Ken voicing their concern twards Vivsies views on their gender. (Sorry for bad quality btw)

In addition to this, Vivzie in the past (when zoophobia was being worked on), has created a character by the name of Jojo who was a direct caricature of a past friend that she clearly didn’t like.

Here’s the character

Plus, folks who have worked with Spindlehorse have discussed that transphobia is an issue in the work place. Not really Vivzie’s fault, she can’t control everything. But still, it’s odd and not cool that this continued to be an issue.

Millie’s trans brother in HB doesn’t have any speaking roles, or even a name. And there was an error in one of the episodes he appears in where his horns indicate that’s he’s cis male instead of being trans (not a huge concern, animation errors happen. I just find it not cool that rep for trans men was overlooked) She also doesn’t credit people who voice the only trans masc character with a speaking part, plus he’s also unnamed. But from the looks of it, his VA is a cis male. Keep in mind the contrast for Sallie Mae being that her VA is a trans woman.

Vivzie has shown a pattern of not respecting trans men as real men. Or any afab person as their gender if it’s something other than cis. It’s a pattern that’s come up that can’t be denied imo. It’s especially obvious when it’s towards people she has some sort of beef with.

Would also like to bring up how her merch sexualizes Sallie Mae. Like, to the same degree that the main characters of HB are. She’s a side character who has minimal speaking parts and appearances. Yet, she’s sexualized to hell and back. I’m all for making trans women feel desirable and beautiful, because they are! I think it’s great! But imo, I find it kinda weird that her trans fem rep is treated like this when she’s not a main character. Plus, her merch doesn’t do that to her trans masc characters. Why do it to one but not the others? But hey, that’s just me and it’s not a rule that everyone has to agree with me on that lmao

Racism:

Valentino is black coded, and is a blatant black stereotype (violent, black, drug addicted pimp archetype who sexually abuses people). I don’t feel like I need to explain why that’s not a great look.

Alastor is “black coded” (ashy skin and he’s white washed to hell). He uses voodoo, which is a closed practice that black slaves created to empower themselves and have a connection to their roots despite their horrible circumstances. He’s “mixed” Creole from some older depicting of him in notes if I recall.

She has supported Blaire White (she did black face and mocked blm) (look up that whole issue lol, too much there to talk about but I’m putting it here anyway) before back tracking when people realized what was going on. Vivzie back peddles a lot on her past though, never making a true apology or owning up to her past actions.

Any characters that DONT look white washed in the shows are not designed by her. Every poc character that she designs herself is white washed to hell and back. I know they are demons, they don’t look human, that’s a given. But Grim from TGAOBAM is a literal skeleton, but you still know he’s black. There’s better ways to depict bipoc coded characters though, that’s my point. She prides herself on her bipoc representation, when it’s shit representation when she’s the one soully behind it imo. There are really good character designs that depict people of color, but they aren’t Vivzie’s ideas and that credit goes to the character design team!

Sir Pentious is based on another ex friend of hers who she used to mock. She didn’t like him, saw him as a joke, etc. He was indigenous American, his hood is ment to look like his hair (which Vivzie mocked extensively). The whole “inventor” aspect of his character is ment to mock the steampunk aesthetic that her ex friend liked. He’s also the butt of a lot of jokes. Overall, I don’t think it’s very cool that Vivzie has repeatedly shown to make caricatures of real like people who belonged to minority groups.

Nifty’s pilot design depicted her skin as yellow. She’s Japanese. This is on top of being a maid and being boy crazy. That’s not a stereotype at all /sar. (She’s one of my favorites and she did get a redesign in the premier. And she got the best jokes in the show so far imo. She’s silly lol but I still wanted to bring it up, despite how much I like her)

She has ignored bipoc fans when they express being uncomfortable with anything relating to how she depicts poc characters. And it’s blatant that she doesn’t care about the voices of concern from her bipoc fans. If you are going to depict bipoc characters in your show, especially cultural depictions, listen to people who are bipoc and who come from those cultures you are depicting! She as a white person needs to listen to bipoc people when they voice their concerns to her about characters that are supposed to represent them!

Also! During her recent trip to Japan, she ate at McDonald’s and KFC despite there being a boycott due to the companies both supporting Israel. Idk how you feel about it, anon, and it’s not something I’ll go into too much detail over since I’m not super knowledgeable on it. But it’s a really important detail about Vivzie to a lot of people out there, and I wanted to bring it up because of that. (I hate all wars and genocides before anyone makes assumptions about my stances)

Homophobia:

Not much to say reguarding this other than I found that she favors mlm relationships heavily over wlw relationships. HB isn’t a show that focuses on lesbian relationships because that’s just not the way the show is written, and that’s fine. However, she prides herself on the wlw rep she created due to HH being female focused. The main relationship between Charlie and Vaggie feels pushed away in favor of more mlm relationships. They clearly have been dating for a while, and so, their relationship doesn’t need to be explored as much as some others imo. However, to me the show doesn’t do too much with them and there’s a large focus on the male characters and their relationships as opposed to the female lead and her girlfriend.

I will give her credit on her depictions of gay and bi men, I do like a lot of those and I can’t really find anything terrible to say about that or find evidence of how she treats real gay people. Everyone is free to think whatever they want though. However, queer people are the only minority group that Vivzie actively is in support of from what I’ve seen, which is sad imo.

You could say that Angel Dust is a homophobic stereotype (sex loving, drug addicted, drag queen, sex worker, feminine), but there’s real people in the world who share his experiences and it makes me feel like the people who claim such just don’t take into account of the real people in the queer community who share similarities to him. Like, there’s a lot of queer men who do sex work and are addicted to various substances. It’s a struggle and his character is a testament to that.

Anyway, do your own research, come up with your own conclusions, you can still like her work and characters, and all that! This is stuff off the top of my head that I could think of.

(Any Vivzie stans who try to tell me that this is either all faked or rumors will be ignored btw. I’m tired of dealing with y’all every time I say anything about her that’s even remotely negative. You guys can like what you like, even if your attachment to Vivzie is unhealthy imo and you shouldn’t place anyone on a pedestal. She’s not perfect, nobody is. This is my opinion, and it won’t change. I don’t hate her shows or her work. I just dislike her as a person.)

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Do you have any opinions on how many people are lauding Barbie as THE feminist movie instead of a movie which kind of touches upon certain aspects of feminism without really dealing with any of the actual undertones of it? Like I know a fun summer movie (or any movie tbh) doesn't NEED to address all nitty gritties of a socio-cultural phenomenon but at the same time I personally feel that the exaggerated depiction of how patriarchy works (which is definitely a stylistic choice) brushes aside too many real world impacts for it to be considered as some kind of cultural icon for feminism. None of the above takes away from its entertainment factor for me.

Yes, I do have some thoughts about that. I am following a lot of Barbie coverage, from reviews to tumblr posting, twitter and tiktok. It's everywhere. But it doesn't mean that my exposure fully encapsulates the entire discourse(s) surrounding the film. So my perspective is strictly my own and in no way representative of how the film is or should be perceived/criticized/lauded.

I personally didn't think of it as the quintessential feminist movie. That's too broad a label that does more harm than good. It is but a version of feminism, mostly your basis 101 white feminism a la Greta Gerwig and one that it's easy to digest, to reach a big audience and one that doesn't interfere too much with the corporation. It reminded me of how I used to see the word in my first year of college when I started getting into contact with feminism and my eyes suddenly opened.

It's not interesectional feminism, it does gloss over some issues and I'm not trying to justify it too much because there are enough people pointing that out rightfully so and are more in the right to talk about it than I am.

Am I part of the target audience for Barbie? Yes and no. Mostly yes, but there are experiences in the film that do no speak to me. What does that mean? I think it reflects my life and how I adhere to this mainstream feminism knowing that it's not really entirely for me.

What I can say, and I know this will sound exactly like white feminism, is that some aspects tackled in the film are universal. What I mean by that is questioning our purpose and how we perform gender. I've been struggling with that. I too look at other women thinking they have it all figured it out and they know how to be women (based on some idea in my head), while I don't, which makes me question how I don't do a good job at being a woman. Is seeing Margot Robbie as stereotypical Barbie questioning her purpose the same? No. Because I do not look like Margot Robbie (and the film smartly pointed out the absurdity). And then there was Gloria's speech which is again about this general idea of never feeling that you are enough and no matter what you do, there is always more to improve and balance and how shitty it is when it fact we should just be allowed to exist. All of us, regardless of any aspect of our identities. All of this spoke to me, but it doesn't mean the film didn't cater more to a specific experience of being a girl/woman in patriarchal structures through the lens of a straight, white perspective. It's not innovative because it's definitely not the first film to even address it like that. What is noteworthy though is how successful it is. That usually doesn't happen with films predominantly made by women and for women (and men too in the case of Barbie, too bad some of them refuse to aknowledge it). It's a blockbuster hit with a direct feminist message. I think that's important to note, as long as we take into consideration the nuances when we talk about Barbie.

[aroaceconfessions]

(discussion of gender identity;

Also thanks for keeping up this blog, it's been a huge help when I felt lost and alone sometimes. I appreciate your dedication and all these people's stories a lot!)

So, I think we can agree that there is no inherent connection between gender (expression) and sexuality, but there does seem to be that tendency sometimes referred to as the "aspec-agender pipeline". I believed it was a joke until it happened to me, which is why I want to share my thoughts on it.

Agender can mean several things, but it is one of the "less gendered" non-binary terms. As opposed to identities like bigender or genderqueer it's characterised by the absence of something, namely gender, which is reason number one I believe it's so connected to aspec identities that are defined similarly. Agender, to me, feels clean and sharp, because androgyny is like a blank canvas (in a comforting way). Other gender identities always felt a little overwhelming to me, like an abstract painting to keep up the metaphor. Beautiful, but there was too much going on in it to hang it somewhere in my *own* living space.

I should have known earlier, but I always thought I just "wasn't a feminine woman". Lmao. But I had to go through the discovery journey of sexuality first.

To me l, there is a sexual aspect to gender, and I suspect I'm not the only one with that, which is reason number two why I think that particularly agender identities are frequent among different types of aspecs.

As much as gender presentation shouldn't be sexualized, to me it feels like that is still often the case and ANY part of an expression stereotypically male or female has somewhat fallen victim to that. It doesn't matter if it's boobs or crotch, curves or muscles, beards or whatever, any and all of these are sexualized in at least one context and as a sex-averse ace person at some point it started grossing me out that I had some of these features.

Fast forward a good six years and I realize that that's developed into more than the fear of people sexualizing *me* for my body shape. I never thought it possible, but with my ace label I overlooked another component of these feelings: I am not a woman. I am very much androgynous. I want a complete absence of gender, of boobs, of curves, of hair, because to me that fits with what I feel like inside. It sounds very obviously non-cis tbh. But it fit so well with my ace fears that I kinda ignored that it was a separate part of myself and not just an extension of my asexuality.

Obviously, lots of questions remain. Is it really a pipeline? What was there first? Gender or sexuality? Was there even an order? Maybe someone else can relate and shed some light on how it was for them?

[clementine-kesh]

Oh! Trans Seven thoughts. Yes, transmasc Seven is nice and all but have you considered... agender Seven? (and/or possibly Seven as one of those lesbians whose only gender is "lesbian" - i cannot speak from experience on that one as i've never identified as a lesbian but from what i've gathered there can be a major disconnect from societal "womanhood" for many lesbians for a number of reasons but again, I don't really know or "get" this one but if any lesbiangenders or lesbian agenders wanna jump in on this i'd be delighted)

My own gender is all over the place but I've been vaguely agender before (I've also identified as pangender and a million other things tho, it's complicated and then it also has the audacity to shift) and I think if I had "gotten to" (obvs pretty much all other aspects were bad but y'know) grow up in a "society" where gender isn't even a thing and not only is physical sex meaningless but you're so deeply mentally connected to bodies of other sexes and even species that they might as well be your own... sorry, I don't know if I can keep writing this, I am too into thinking about agender borg utopia 😔

But my point is, Seven grew up without a gender and then she was un-borged and obvs that's enough to give anyone at least three identity crises at once but i truly believe there's stuff she never adopted (or un-adopted later on) and gender is one of those things. She tried to at first since it seemed like a Thing that was simply expected/part of it but then one day she realised or learned she doesn't have to and went "actually, fuck this" and she hasn't had a gender (other than lesbian, possibly) since. Also, hot take: she should'be stayed bald. Peak character design if she had tbh

-Levi

between her whole borg deal and lesbianism the gender implications of seven are SO interesting. what is it like to have the experiences of a billion different people in your brain and then wake up and be told “well you’re actually x now”? i think she’d love those tumblr posts that are like “i’m like if a computer was a girl”.

[vintage-bentley]

I’m gendercrit but holy hell I’m still shocked at how bad those comments were. I love how so many of the negative ones are like “as a polyace as a trans gay guy as an asexual,” go on to insist that PIV can be gay, when they have absolutely zero stake or should have any opinion on homosexuality at all. I’m also sure the author is probably gay or lesbian and they jumped on them for this - chastising them for being a bad gay basically, a bigot a terrible person, because having an opinion that’s absolutely 100% correct and based in the reality of sex and calling out homophobia is a sure fire way to get yourself crucified by people who appropriate shit. These people are batshit insane and hate gay people. Author should do an updated essay where they’re even more upfront and angry tbh especially since this GO attitude of ‘they’re not human they can mix match sex and still be gay” has literally spread to other fandoms with human gay couples and so where’s this excuse now? They don’t respect gay characters and they def don’t understand or share any common goals with actual gay ppl

The worst thing about those people acting like they have any say on topics about homosexuality, is that you can’t tell them otherwise without being told you’re some sort of phobic!! When it comes to all their made up issues, they have no problem saying “only ace people get an opinion!” But when it comes to actual real issues regarding homosexuals, suddenly it’s open to everyone. I wonder if it has to do with the way they’ve hijacked the word gay to no longer mean homosexual, but to instead mean “anyone who wants to call themselves gay to feel special”. As in, they think they’re gay because they want multiple partners, so they get a say in anything regarding gay people.

It’s even worse with “trans gays”…because you know damn well they’re literally homophobic heterosexuals…but you can’t tell them that unless you want to be called transphobic. And you know they won’t listen to you when you say “Aiden, you’re a homophobic straight woman, you get no say on this topic” because they’re so self-absorbed and so caught up in their own ideology that they don’t even listen to anyone who begins to invalidate their fantasy.

Point of that little rant is to say, it is so damn frustrating to see a bunch of non-homosexuals acting like their opinion holds the same weight as homosexuals when it comes to discussing our sexuality…and knowing that their ideology enables them so much that you can’t say anything about it, they’ll just tune you out. It’s frustrating to know that I can give my opinion as a homosexual, only to be overruled by a straight woman calling herself an “aromantic trans nonbinary man” who thinks her fake identities give her more say than me.

And yes, the backlash to the essay absolutely has to do with the idea of a (presumed) homosexual stepping out of line. These people see gays as pawns and objects they own, and hate to see us having our own voice that opposes theirs. Because they think they’re entitled to our agreement and compliance.

They’re also accustomed to being in a community where everyone has the same opinions, everyone claims they’re gay, and everyone validates them. So I think it’s an absolute shock to them when somebody they assume would be in this same boat, has a mind of their own. It’s like, “what? You’re supposed to be Mindless Genderist #200, especially because you’re gay! How could you betray our community like this?”

If the author is still around here and reading this, please please please write another essay, I will eat it up. The first one did a really good job of being respectful and not heavy-handed on the gender critical aspect, which I think is the reason it resonated with me. If it was explicitly a “terf” essay, all my critical thinking would’ve been shut down because Terf Bad. But because it was just laying out points with no belief system attached, I was able to go into it just as a homosexual and find my agreement that way, not swayed by any pressures to believe a certain ideology. But it would be great to read another one that is more firm and angry, because lord knows it would be more than justified.

And I’ve noticed that too, that the “they’re not human, so they can’t be gay” excuse has spread to other fandoms. It’ll just take different forms depending on what’s available in the media’s universe. So for example, in a universe with magic, the fandom will use the magic system as an excuse for why the characters can’t possibly be gay (but they can be anything else). In a universe without magic, it’ll be something like “well, these characters are so deep and complex, so it’s not good to limit them to a label like gay (but they can be anything else)”.

It’s very clear to me that it’s not actually about trying to find interesting and complex ways of worldbuilding like these fandoms claim. Because if that was the case, why would homosexuality need to be ruled out? Wouldn’t it be interesting to discuss how this very real and important experience fits in with the universe in question? Instead, this is clearly about how fandom has always been homophobic, and they’ve finally found an acceptable excuse for it. Why else would the focus constantly be on explaining why characters can’t possibly be gay?

[cqlfeels]

Wen ning our beloved 🧡

A-Ning!! 🖤❤️🖤

...I feel like you won't like my answers because they'll probably go counter to how you headcanon him

Sexuality Headcanon: For most of his life, he's in the general vicinity of gay, but after Literally Dying, he would probably identify as caedsexual if he had the framework to know that's a possibility, but as he doesn't, he would probably go with just ace. He remains homoromantic though

Gender Headcanon: I'm trying and failing to figure out a good way to explain my headcanon. When he's alive, I headcanon he identifies as cismale but It's Complicated because whenever he fails at typically male pursuits (and he does fairly often) the consequences are way out of proportion (because Wen.) and so his relationship with gender is intrinsically tied to anxiety. And then after his death, one of the (many) aspects of his identity he loses is any connection to gender, so he ends up identifying as agender but in a really messed up way where that both does and doesn't fit right. And then post-canon after he gets to process his laundry list of traumas he probably settles for something like demigender or graygender

A ship I have with said character: I can see him having crushes at most, but not really beyond that, so you could sell me on almost any WN ship as long as nothing really happens. That's not because uwu innocent boi! It's very setting-dependent - I think he'd want to take relationships really slow (his feelings are canonically very intense and he is down for treason and more frighteningly quickly, I know, but I think he'd do all this and then feel uncomfortable doing anything overtly romantic) and canon just doesn't allow him that opportunity to take his time. In a modern (or otherwise peaceful) au I could very easily see him dating just about any character tbh. But as I don't usually go for aus, that still leaves me at "I don't really ship anyone with him"

A BROTP I have with said character: W👏W👏X! WQ, of course, and definitely LSZ. I wish we knew more about his relationship with the Burial Mounds crew, too

A NOTP I have with said character: It's not a notp, but the hardest ship to sell me on is WWX/WN. A crush on WN's part, sure, I can see it. But I tend to headcanon WWX projects his JC issues onto WN somewhat and just wouldn't be able to see WN as anything but a brother. But again, that's setting-specific. I can see it happening in any number of aus, so it's not a notp..... but I'd need some characterization work to sell me on it even then

A random headcanon: He loves the idea of playing a musical instrument but is deeply uncomfortable with the idea of other people hearing him play, so he never tries to learn. He does get his wish when LSZ teaches him the guqin veeeery non-threateningly as they travel (but he still only plays if he's alone)

General Opinion over said character: I love him! It's weird that I don't talk about him more because he was one of my favorite characters when I first read the novel, actually!

[bi-sapphics]

i think one of the things that helped me realize i was “allowed” to be butch was that it’s more like an identity and its own gender rather than a role in relationships - which can be a key aspect in a lot of cases and has always been for me whenever i dated girls without realizing it (seriously, looking back, all the girls i had a thing with but especially one were very femme in presentation and very timid and i remember being the strong confident one who just wanted to make her feel special), but as of right now i’m single and despite being butch4femme respectfully (i always crush on the more gender-conforming girls <3), it’s my identity. it’s what makes me transmasc. it’s what the tomboy side of me has led up to. it’s why i prefer the masculine, free-spirited, ambitious version of my deadname that i connected it to. it helps me feel stronger and more resilient, like i could be a leader with my confidence for myself even if no one else ever follows for any number of reasons (unpopular opinions, irrelevancy, whatever). it’s so much easier to not worry about how i look or appease to others and frankly as an autistic individual it’s so much better to just wear loose clothing that makes me feel more comfortable and is more of a simple style for me - similarly, i look so much more me with shorter (but wider across iykwim) hair and it’s so much more efficient to wash, comb, and otherwise take care of. i can’t even pull it back anymore, which is kind of a good thing tbh since i never could master that skill lmao. i love being butch, i really do, and i’ll always be grateful to the positivity blogs and flag creators that led to the idea that maybe it really was for me after all!! :>

[been-around-seen-things]

Some Thoughts on (Racial) Identity and Media Consumption

Since lately I’ve been nodding to some ofmd meta that influenced me before I stopped lurking, I’d be truly remiss not to mention @lunaescribe’s post on Blackbeard as biracial. I was humbled to realize I’d been missing the same cues about Ed/Blackbeard’s identity as many white viewers had—despite being biracial myself! I’d been taking Taika’s presence in the role as a sort of Hamilton-esque color-blind casting. But now that I recognize Ed/Blackbeard’s mixed-race identity as canon (the casting for his parents seals the deal), it does add a very particular poignancy to me. I know well the in-betweenness and the not-quite-belonging in multiple worlds, and also the experience of having access to some of those worlds via lighter-skinned privilege (as well as how that does not always shield you). It is absolutely clear to me now how this is fundamental to understanding Ed’s character and his trajectory.

Given all this, I feel fairly dumb about missing it until it was pointed out to me, but here’s the thing: I’m a 45-year-old American. I didn’t grow up with significant POC rep in media, and certainly not biracial rep. I’m half East Asian, half MENA/SWANA/whatever (I grew up thinking I was half white, though obviously not of European descent, so idek anymore). I was beyond thrilled when All-American Girl was on TV (briefly) in the 90s, imperfect as it was, though I was not at all surprised we were supposed to pretend various Japanese Americans and Chinese Americans were part of a Korean American family, given the “all look same” of it all. I remember how excited I was when I found out Keanu was half Asian like me, but it never seemed to be part of his roles. In other words: I’m not at all primed to pick up on continuity between the background of the actor and their character, if the actor is BIPOC. Quite the opposite, actually.

I don’t need to tell anyone reading this that we have a long way to go, but I do think shows like ofmd reveal how much has changed. I appreciate not just the diversity in representation but the nuances in the narratives that are being portrayed. The way BIPOC stories are starting to be told now is so refreshing. In addition to my endless cycles of rewatching ofmd, I’m currently part way through Reservation Dogs, which is amazing. As a child of an immigrant from a majority-Muslim country, I was also deeply moved watching Ms. Marvel. That was a part of my life experience I did not see represented anywhere in media while I was growing up; getting to see parallels on TV now while watching with my kid had me bawling.

When I was younger, I didn’t actually think representation mattered, tbh. I thought I could look at anyone of any gender and any background and see them as a role model, or even that I didn’t need role models at all. But I was just taking a defiant stance because images of folks who shared my experiences weren’t available to me. Because I couldn’t look around and see aspects of my experience reflected back to me or represented anywhere. But it matters. It matters. I’m so grateful we have shows now that don’t queerbait and aren’t trauma porn and aren’t limited to one racial perspective. It’s going to be pretty much impossible to settle for anything less from here on out.

[fortheloveoflatinum]

the banner is so nice, it's perfect! never noticed it before now tbh. i hope the day is treating you well good soul 💙

For reference, the image in question is this, I believe:

It's what appears to be an AI-generated image of the U.S.S. Discovery in the foreground, piloting through a kind of debris field, with some sort of red and orange nebula in the background.

I couldn't find whether or not it was an actual screenshot from the show or fanart or a computer-generated image or maybe some combination of the three. Google Lens was uncooperative this morning.

I don't know if you celebrate Midsummer, but my house (and my life) has been in an uproar preparing for the party. Midsummer is traditionally celebrated mostly in Nordic nations, although I just learned yesterday that the Baltics have a similar holiday they call "Jani in Latvian, Jaanipaev in Estonian and Jonines in Lithuanian," respectively. And, of course, some Germans celebrate as well and there are a few other countries scattered across Europe that have similar festivals.

In the city I live outside of, the Swedish embassy (or one of them) to my country takes care of the festivities for the public, so I've always associated it as a Nordic holiday, and particularly a Scandinavian one.

I started celebrating many years ago because I am pagan. I was raised as a Wiccan, though now I also recognize other pantheons and Gods in my belief system, because I feel that humanity's connection to the divine can never be limited to a single God or even a Goddess.

However, the party is completely secular, and everyone is welcome! We have a sign on the door saying that no discrimination or hateful remarks or behavior towards other guests is allowed, otherwise you are free to leave.

We did that because we used to have one or two slightly toxic people at the party, but what the sign ended up doing even after we ditched those toxic people is that it helps foster a safe space for everyone, regardless of their race, religion, belief system, ethnicity, immigration status, age, sex, gender, gender identity, gender expression, sexuality, or any other aspects of their identity. We have a small but diverse crowd, so it's important.

And I might have spent a little too much time making sure that everything was rainbow-themed. We always decorate, but this time, we decorated for Pride! My dog is celebrating a very special birthday and she is also wearing a rainbow dress.

Anyway. Long!post is long.... All I meant to say was "Happy Midsummer to you and your house," but you got an essay instead.

I e-mailed my friends and family who couldn't be there that I would raise a toast in their honor and say Qapla' for them to bring them success this summer. Most of them probably would have thought it pagan - but I explained in the e-mail it was just Klingon.

Qapla' my friend. May your days be full of light, now and always.

[freshstartfromscratch]

WAIT I JUST TRANSLATED THE ITALIAN SCHOOL CIRRICULUM THING AND LATIM IS A LANGUAGE THINGY??????? I THOUGHT THAT IT WASN'T A FULL ON CLASS?? DOES ANYONE STILL SPEAK LATIN??? WTF????? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE??? MY LIFE IS A LIE???

So Latin at school. Yay.

Basically you're not learning it in the same way you'd any modern language. It's a language that was in use for thousands of years so of course it changed a lot during this time span. That's why it's separated in at least three categories - classical Latin (used in late Roman Republic and early Roman Empire), ecclesiastical Latin (used by medieval Church) and Vulgar Latin (unofficial Latin used from the Late Roman Republic onward) this one is the origins story of all Romance languages.

Yep. All those fancy, sexy languages that people find hot like Italian or French are based on what I can only explain as Latin Cockney:

Just imagine Dave is Latin language and Daveo is Italian/French/Spanish/Portuguese/Romanian language.

It kind of looks like a medieval language class tbh. You don't learn how to introduce yourself or how to describe your family tree, because:

1. It's a dead language so it doesn't serve the purpose of communication anymore like foreign language does.

2. Latin is still used in science and it's a language which influenced Western identity the most. In order to truly understand the Western culture you need Latin (and ancient Greek but Latin is a bare minimum.)

You learn words and their conjugations (because in Latin unlike in English each person has it's own verb variant) and translate old texts. Conjugation may be affected by person, number, gender, tense, mood, aspect, voice, or other language-specific factors.

The purpose of having Latin is to better understand how modern European languages function. It's a blueprint for Romance languages like: Italian, French, Spanish, Portugese and Romanian (those are the big ones but not the only existing Romance languages.) Latin had an influence on the other language families too, and you'll have hard time finding European languages that don't have any Latin influence ( I'm looking at you the Finno-Ugric gang - Finnish, Estonian and Hungarian.) English was influenced by Latin too, that's why for example when you see this majestic beast:

You'd call it a Germanic word "a cow" but when it's turned into this:

It's called beef, from Old French boef (modern French bœuf) -> Latin bōs.

The poorer Germanic language people were keeping cows but the rich French Norman (Latin based language) speakers ate them.

Knowing Latin, even basic knowledge, is very helpful if you want to learn an European language. The logic behind the language (like existence of plural forms, significant portion of the vocabulary ect) is more often than not Latin based.

For many countries (in Europe but not only) Latin is also the language of religion. Yes, Catholic church still uses Latin from time to time, and to pass religion class in grade 8 (I think) I had to memorize Lord's Prayer aka Pater Noster (it's the Catholic beliefs in a nutshell and how Jesus taught the prayer should look like) in Latin. Latin is also an official language of the Vatican City, and was in fact one of the reasons why reformation happened, but I'm getting off track.

Latin is also useful in philosophy. Though many of the ancient European philosophers were Greek, there were a few Romans too. As you might noticed, in translation parts of text loose their meaning, and the words don't have an impact of the original version. Same thing with philosophy. To fully understand and embrace the meaning you need to know the original language aka Latin.

To summ it up! Latin is still sometimes taught in schools because:

1. it's a blueprint for the majority of modern European languages (and in the EU you should speak at least two) so if you know basic Latin it's easier to learn other languages.

2. It's the language of science and ancient philosophy. To truly understand what thought process created the West you need to know how Latin functioned and what texts written in it actually mean.

3. It's a language of the Catholic Church - the largest nomination in the Christian religion. Approximately 1.3 billion people in the world are Catholics - that's 17.7% of the world's population.

4. It's the common heritage of the Western world locked in the language form. People learn it to learn about their heritage and culture. What influenced people through thousands of years to form the Western cultures and history? Why certain thoughts and ideas (like for example individualism instead of collectivism, démocraties instead of authoritarianism) were embraced in the West? Language affects the way people think, so how Latin influenced Western values?

I hope I explained it at least a little bit 😅. I'm sorry if it all sounds more confusing now.

[thedreadvampy]

Sorry it's Slur Discourse On Main time again and like. I'm not even sure if this is still an argument people make. to me it feels very 2015. but I was thinking on my way home yesterday about the argument "you can't reclaim that slur bc it's misplaced homophobia".

you know that one? like "bi women can't call themselves dykes bc dyke is a lesbophobic slur and any lesbophobia bi women face is mistaken and misplaced because they're not lesbians."

or "trans women can't call themselves fags because fag is a slur against gay men and trans women aren't men so they have no right to it"

and this has always got my back up bc like. apart from this continued insistence that that kind of specificity matters at all to bigots (which is endemic to slur discourse tbh. this idea that your personal identity, rather than your experience or how people read you, is the ultimate decider of How You're Treated). like. no it isn't misplaced, is it?

it's true that a bi woman isn't a lesbian, but "dyke" in this context is thrown at her and people like her because she is attracted to women. it's not a case of mistaken identity. the person calling her a dyke doesn't need to be under the misapprehension that she's not attracted to men because they hate her on the basis of her attraction to women.

a trans woman isn't a gay man, and the person calling her a fag doesn't need to think she's a gay man or know her to like men, because in this context the word fag is being used not to describe sexuality but failure to be a man correctly.

the thing that the person is throwing the slur at you about is true of you. It's not a case of mistaken identity, it's a case of correct identity and different uses of the same word in different contexts - "dyke" can mean 'person I hate for liking women', 'person I hate for being unavailable to men' and/or 'person I hate for refusing to be a woman correctly,' in varying amounts depending on context, target and who's saying it. same with other homophobic slurs like fag or poof or queer.

bc the social construction of homophobia is not as specific as the identity of homosexuality. homophobia is about punishment for conscious deviation from a cishet norm. and who's included in your sexuality, who's excluded from your sexuality, how you present and how you relate to gender are all aspects of homophobia. bc homophobia is fundamentally about enforcing gendered systems of power.

and there's an appreciable and meaningful difference between "this lesbophobia is misplaced because its target is a straight cis woman with short hair" and "this lesbophobia is misplaced because its target is a bi woman/nonbinary person/trans man and not a lesbian" bc like.

it is not the case that the threat implied by "dyke" (being unusually outside of the sexual and gendered social order) is true of a cishet woman in a pageboy haircut and jeans - she's no more likely to disrupt the sexual or gender-rigid norms of society than any other cishet woman by dint of her haircut.

but if you call a bi woman a dyke for fucking women, you're not misreading the threat you're responding to - she is actively disrupting gendered sexual norms. she's fucking women and you're calling her a Duke for fucking women.

if you call a trans woman a fag, you're responding to her demonstrating that you can be amab and Not A Manly Man and be ok with that - you're responding to the threat she poses to the structure of gendered power. even if you know she's a woman exclusively into women (and transphobes do fucking know that trans women aren't men or they wouldn't treat them like they treat Women They Hate) you're still mentally categorising her as A Queer bc of her antagonistic relationship to cisheteromasculinity.

and this isn't to make some kind of argument about the correctness of homophobic hate speech. obviously.

but it kind of has been driving me insane for like a decade that people treat homophobia leveled against people who aren't LG but are BT+ as if it's. an accident. collateral damage. as if, if people understood that you Were Not In Fact A Lesbian/A Gay Man, they would be like "no sorry we didn't mean you we meant The Gays"

they did mean you. they can know you are bi or trans or nb and the thing they hate you for. the disruption of the expected gendered and sexual order. is still true.

and for fuck's sake not to crack the whole other can of worms marked People Are Stupid As Fuck About Slur Reclamation but. slur reclamation is about reclaiming the truth underlying the vitriol that's thrown at you and saying YEP THIS RELATES TO WHO I AM AND THAT'S A GOOD THING. THAT'S A THING I OWN.

and like. if a bi woman wants to call herself a dyke because after having that word thrown at her and others like her for fucking women, she's saying "YEP I FUCK WOMEN, BITE ME" like. why is that less meaningful than a lesbian doing the same?

if a trans woman wants to call herself both a dyke bc she's proud to be a woman who fucks women and a fag bc she's proud to reclaim the Terrifying Insubordination of being an AMAB person who refuses to apologise for not being Correctly Manly, what the fuck is wrong with that.

you know like. experience matters. lived reality matters. if I as a bi woman call myself a dyke I'm not saying 'there's no difference between me and a lesbian' I'm saying 'my experience of being attacked and shamed for my attraction to women is a part of my life and I remain proud of that attraction'. I'm finding the thing in myself that inspired hate and choosing to love it. which is the point of slur reclamation.

[theangryjikooker]

just read your last anon and I’m usually just a silent reader, and tbh as someone who believe Jikook are a think I disagree with you a lot, but anyways I like reading your blog you seem very down to earth and I like that and I get your frustration. it’s not the first time that I see similar messages and i know I’ll get bashed for saying this but I don’t even believe half of the ppl out there pretending they’re queer (what does that even mean at this point) are anyway. I’ve been in shipping spaces for a long time, I share this "hobby" with a friend of mine and so many "cishets" as they say use the queer umbrella as a shield because we know damn well rps mlm shipping has been thrown upon (sometimes for good reasons, and often times due to misogyny, but that’s just my opinion ). I know some ppl are gonna get mad at this and call me names, not sure why I even send this but as a "cishet" (I usually refuse to use the word cis but that’s another can of worms I won’t open here) I’m seriously done with this mindset. i’m free to make assumptions and ship whoever I want or deny any ship I want to deny like anyone else and being part of the lgbt community is not a requirement to ship, what’s with people acting like the thought police here… ha sorry I needed to vent I guess, that post made me mad

Yes, it's fine to disagree with me! A lot of people who are following me don't agree with everything I have to say, if any at all. The only reason why I know this is that I've seen some familiar names interact with bloggers I 100% would not get along with, but that's really none of my business. I'm not here to change minds.

I think those followers tend to be curious about what I have to say about some aspect of Jikook. Sometimes it'll make them think; most of the time they think I'm full of shit. I have my own critiques of hardcore shippers/supporters, so I fully expect that my existence throws a wrench in all of that and incites aggression in others. All I do is talk about how I feel. Anyone who chooses to interact with me are doing so of their own volition and are responsible for their own actions.

I don’t even believe half of the ppl out there pretending they’re queer (what does that even mean at this point) are anyway. So this POV is a bit of a slippery slope. If we cast doubt on everyone and everything because a fraction of one's community is encouraging those feelings, it doesn't help anyone. Personally, I haven't "met" general ARMYs or shippers who have pretended to be queer, but I've read about this happening. I think the real culprit is the anonymity of the Internet and what kind of behaviors that's enabled over the years, but that's another can of worms I don't want to get into.

To be fair, I understand queer shippers who are tentative about shipping occurring amongst cishets, which is valid, but the way some of them go about protecting what they consider an exclusively LGBTQ+ activity can be extremist and nonsensical, in my opinion.

(Part of me also suspects that this overly passionate dedication amounts to how important fandom is to a person. I prioritize and cherish my real life more than I ever could about fandom, but fandom is also a much needed escape for others, so I can see how that might play a part in people's motivations and how they might go about protecting their safe space.)

Male, female, non-binary, gay, straight, bi, asexual, whatever your sexual or gender identity–don't be an asshole and don't be an idiot, that's all I'm saying. If you're cishet and shipping two males/two females, just be mindful about how you're going about it is all. Shipping because you genuinely care about the individuals involved and believe in who they are as human beings vs. fetishizing them (unintentionally or otherwise) can get a little blurry. (Fetishization is not the only issue that occurs in this cishet vs. lgbtq+ in fandom discourse, but it's the most common and most talked about.)

In my opinion, attraction isn't so discerning; sometimes people just gravitate to whomever they like. If cishets can recognize that attraction is just a feeling that can occur among and across different genders and sexualities, I don't see how this is a bad thing at all.

__

* Sorry, I talk about "cishets" like I'm othering them, and I don't really care much for that attitude, but for distinction purposes, it is what it is.

[butchviking]

Hm. You know what? You made some really good points. I think my issue with calling women who disguised themselves as men "transmen" or "transgender" is that it conflates them with MODERN trans ideology, so when you said that "trans-identified" and "transgender" are arguably different I do agree there. We'll never know how these women truly felt so I feel like... Calling them by modern terms is misleading. For all we know, they might have hated having to disguise themselves. They might have loved and reveled in it. We just don't know. And again because of modern trans theory, when someone calls another "transmen", the kneejerk reaction is to think that the one saying it believes they're men because that's their ideological belief, or that they believe these women truly thought of themselves as men. God I hope I'm making sense.

hellooo sorry i didnt rly get back to tumblr much last night so left this sitting there.

yeah like theres obviously a lot of grey area in modern definitions of trans bc. well there arent really any definitions lol it really does often come down to identity. but i do think when we're talking abt ppl in history it is, to me at least, obvious that to call them transgender isn't to say they felt and identified the same way modern trans ppl feel & identify (which varies hugely anyway tbh its not like every modern trans person even necessarily follows what we think of as 'trans ideology' i mean. i know gender-critical trans ppl on here i've known gender-critical trans ppl irl) bc like u say, we just don't know how they actually felt. dw ur totally making sense & i absolutely get the knee-jerk reaction of feeling like it's diminishing their existence as women and saying they're actually men bc tbh that is definitely what some ppl believe. they see man as a category and 'trans man' as a subcategory of that. ofc we see it the other way round tho and i do think it's important to actually call them transmen to make it clear that they're not male - like if someone said james barry was a man then. that's not accurate. and that is erasing a huge aspect of his life, and refusing to see his reality. james barry was a transman. a female who lived the life of a man. and good for him bc that's not an easy choice to make but it's one that really opened up another world fr him & i hope he was happy. i hope it felt like freedom rather than like just another cage.

[borgchip]

"emh transfeminine swag" anon here. now that you've watched "body and soul" i can go ahead with my explanation.

to start at the beginning, his early arc revolves around getting the rest of the crew to recognize his personhood and finding his identity with the help of kes. (kes also reads as trans to me but that's more of a vibes thing) because he was modeled after a man, he assumes that gender by default and puts himself firmly in that box, not thinking that there's an option to be anything else. becoming "he" instead of "it" is an improvement, but not entirely fulfilling. he searches for a name but limits himself to masculine ones, never finding one that fits, eventually settling on the neutral "doctor".

later on, he creates a holographic simulation of a home life, casting himself as the stereotypical patriarch. he tells his friends that he wants to better understand his patients, but in the process he reinforces his position as a man. the family he creates is perfect, but hollow. every word they say is so positive as to sound forced. they have "the most wonderful husband and father in the quadrant", an admiration that hinges on his masculinity.

then we meet dr. zimmerman, the man who created the emh and who he views as a father. he states plainly that he wants his father to be proud of him. zimmerman has a complicated relationship with the mark 1, after putting so much of himself into it only for the program to be essentially discarded by starfleet. the emh proves his worth (and to an extent, zimmerman's own) to zimmerman and succeeds, but the process was long and difficult. after all that, he doesn't want to make any changes to himself, other than what can be explained as technological improvements, in order not to betray zimmerman's intentions for him and lose the admiration he worked so hard for.

the only time he allows himself femininity is out of necessity, when he must download into seven's implants to hide from hologram-hating aliens. this leads to him possessing her. he spends much of this time giddy, trying to have as many experiences in his new body as possible. in the episode, he also befriends one of the aliens and another becomes romantically interested in him. he leans into these relationships and seems to enjoy the social aspect of being viewed as female. however, as he's experiencing this gender euphoria, he has to contend with the knowledge that if they find out that he's really a hologram, ie "really a man", they will be disgusted by him. not only that, they will actively try to kill him. in the end, he isn't killed, but his new relationships never recover from that discovery.

the fallout from that experience pushes him further back into the closet, as he doesn't experiment with gender again for the rest of the series. the subtext that this reading stems from doesn't give us the happiest ending, but unfortunately i think it's one many trans people can relate to, and it means a lot to me.

🥺🥺 this is so sweet... well, ok, maybe not sweet considering the sort of ending we're talking about but... to be honest anon, I can COMPLETELY see where you're coming from. And how well thought out !! I always sort of saw the doctor as somewhat agender but like I'm really starting to consider the opposite direction. I feel like the timeframe that voyager came out was such a waste in terms of exploring things like this. Imagine if the writers actually noticed this trend and actually discussed it/explored it IN episode !! And actually getting to see the doctor figure themself out!! I mean. tbh idk if they'd even explore it NOW considering all the dudebros that go mental over star trek doing anything "liberal" but. WE can explore it... that's the best we can have considering snfjsjg. I MEAN IN TERMS OF DECODING SUBTEXT I THINK YOU'RE DOING A HELL OF A JOB ! I love this... TYSM FOR REMEMBERING ANON?? AND SHARING?? I LO V E META LIKE THIS ESPECIALLY ABT GENDER/SEXUALITY AND. MY FAVE CHAR IT MAKES ME SUPER HAPPY 🥺🥺 U remembered to come back ,,

I genuinely wish he still had kes around cause I can imagine her helping with stuff like this so much and being so supportive :'( but that's only me

Also does give rlly new meaning to in that ep the sort of bitterness when he says "there's NO women like me..." like...ouch.

ALSO I DEFINITELY ALREADY AGREED W THE SORT OF...STARTING OUT AND JUST ASSUMING THE HYPERMASCULINE ROLE. Because that's like. All he knows. It's all he's seen. And yk...trying to be seen as a person as a hologram is hard enough, maybe he also doesn't wanna "rock the boat" by asking to be seen as a woman too, as sad as that is.

[catharsis-and-reverie]

About This Blog

This blog was created for me to explore the different aspects of love and how I feel about them. This includes all forms of love, but will focus on aspects of romantic and sexual love. This blog will often shift in tones, as I have DID (dissociative identity disorder) and this is a blog that our entire collective will use to express themselves. We will not make that the focus however, it was mainly to explain why it may go from “love is a vile and painful thing” to “I think love is amazing and sweet and pure” with very little pattern or meaning to said shifts.

This idea of love will not only extend to people, but also the natural world. It will explore favorite fictional characters and their arcs of love, it will kind of be a dumping grounds for us to put things regarding the concept of love that we enjoy but don’t fit in other side blogs. There will also be highly NSFW themes at times, and I may reblog sexual scenarios I find appealing or fanfictions relating to themes I/we enjoy.

About Me

Name: Just call me Reverie or Rev

Pronouns: He/Him or They/Them

Age: mid-20s adult

Gender/Sexuality: I am a trans man, though my gender is not binary male and hard to pin down, though genderfluid is probably the best way to describe it. I am pansexual and a switch. No, I have never made a decision in my life. I have a strong preference for T4T romance.

Other info: I have DID (previously stated), am autistic. I also write and make art quite often, though I probably won’t share much art here. I may write little drabbles if I feel up to it but we’ll see.

Tags I’ll (try to) use for categorization:

#revs thoughts — my personal thoughts and original posts

#revs writing — my personal writings and original posts

#rev being feral — any posts of sexual nature (block if you do not want to see these, they will be both original posts and reblogs) Any and all fetishes or things that may require censorship will also be tagged

#rev getting emotional — posts relating to emotional feelings, both romantic or platonic in nature, both original and reblogs

#rev getting sappy — posts with a romantic lean, both original and reblogs

#artsy rev — any art I enjoy, usually reblogs

#revs hyperfixations — anything I’m hyperfixated on that fits the theme of this blog. Usually fictional characters tbh.

Will add more if I see fit. Will also use tags outside of this but those are mainly post specific.

Trigger Warnings:

I will try my best to always tag things that would need a TW. But please know there will be sexual themes, sometimes subversive in nature. The eroticism of cannibalism and violence of love comes to mind. I have experienced a lot of SA in my life as well and so themes related to trauma as a whole and how it affects my experience with love and sex may appear as well.

DNI:

Nothing comes to mind, though there is NSFW here and if I see minors or ageless blogs interacting with those posts they will be blocked immediately. Anyone can follow and if I feel uncomfortable by your interactions or things I see on your blog I’ll just block. Block button is free and I am a cheapskate.

Otherwise, enjoy your stay🥰