Harry: i grew up with a lesbian mother and a bisexual father, both of which have a wife and husband so I didn’t know straight people existed until I was like 6
Ron: [is confused on who has a wife and who has a husband] Hold up, I’m confused say that again but slow
New favorite headcanon that when Sirius became an animagus he slowly became red green colorblind bc dogs are red green colorblind so when James sat down for dinner wearing a loose green tie with deshevelled hair in the great hall and Peter spit out his drink, Remus’ jaw dropped, and all the girls were laughing hysterically making bets (Mary thought it was Barty Lily and Marlene guessed it was Regulus off the bat) Sirius was none the wiser and just thought he’d gotten back from quidditch practice or had shagged a random gryffindor. So when Marlene tried to point it out but Remus stomped on her foot to get her to shut the fuck up.
im a multishipper until you try to touch my babies ok.
james and lily? absolutely. lily and mary? adorable. james and regulus? grumpyxsunshine GOLD. regulus and barty? our favorite psychos. barty and evan? you know it's growing on me
but other ships instead of wolfstar????? like??? they're the only ones for each other argue w the goddamn wall
If you think quidditch players weren’t superstitious, your wrong, and if you think James wasn’t the worst outta the lot of them, you’ve got another thing coming.
My new headcannon is that James talks in his sleep and that’s how everyone finds out he’s dating Regulus.
It starts with Remus and his wolf hearing when James is napping and Remus is in the bathroom.
Lily, Mary and Marlene find out together when James falls asleep while playing cards with them in the common room. He wakes up to Mary laughing and Marlene passing Lily a couple galleons - they don’t tell him why.
Then it’s Pete, who got up in the middle of the night for a glass of water and comes back to James curled around a pillow mumbling something that sounds a lot like Reggie please. He casts a silencing spell and draw his curtains.
Sirius is the last because he sleeps like the dead and James is always up before him. But Sirius has a nightmare the night after a full so he has to crawl into bed with James. After hearing James say “Reg baby right like that” in his ear, he realizes there are worse things than nightmares about Walburga.
"Hello everyone. Welcome to the 4th match of the season. Griffindor vs slytherin."
"Alright the match is starting. Players are in position. And WE'RE ON"
"Chaser Mary MacDonald almost got hit by a bludger launched at her. Honesty, what the fuck are griffindor beaters doing? That's like their only job." Everyone can hear sirius' fuck you on that.
"Oo, griffindor seeker has spotted the snitch. She's going for it. She's going to get it. And.. she's a lump on the ground. Honestly McKinnon, you can see the bloody snitch from half way through the pitch but you can't see the ground in front of your FUCKING FACE"
"god that must've hurt. YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT AVERY-"
"Any ways back to the game. Where is that fucking quaffle".
"Seems like james potter has finally took a break from swooning over slytherin seeker black and is speeding towards the goals with the quaffle."
"Let's see if slytherin keeper dolohov has the skill to block the goal or if he's just a useless dick".
"AND TEN POINTS TO GRIFFINDOR. That just proves that dolohov *is* a useless dick"
"McKinnon spots the snitch again. Black would've too if he wasn't so busy staring at james thighs. Like man we know how good they are, but FOCUS ON THE FUCKING GAME. Honestly you both are pathetic".
"REGULUS BLACK HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH, 150 POINTS TO SLYTHERIN."
"slytherin wins, yay I guess. Looks like he took those words personally.
Marauders rated on kissing skill. Argue with the wall.
James: 8/10. He has full lips and knows how to use them but he gets excited sometimes and it gets messy
Remus: 9/10. He’s the Casanova for a reason. He was a natural for his first kiss with lily in 4th year and she made sure everyone knew
Sirius: 7/10. Pretends he knows what he’s doing but is in his head too much
Peter: 6/10. Very passive kisser. Extremely timid. Makes you wonder if he’s actually enjoying it but it’s not awful
Lily: 8/10. She check in with Marlene every few months to see if the score has improved. Platonically of course.
Mary: 8/10. Is extremely offended.
Marlene: 9/10. Tries to be humble and fails. “If you ever wanna practice…”
Dorcas: 8/10. Gets into it very quickly. She likes kissing for the sake of kissing. Plus her girlfriend is good at it.
Evan: 5/10 for his first kiss, has improved to an 8/10 with Bartys help. Similar to Peter but relaxes into it with time.
Barty: 10/10. Actually modest about it but everyone knows. Combination of natural talent and practice. Leaves your head spinning type of kiss. Loves biting
Regulus: 9/10. Barty was his first kiss and was a quick learner. Sirius hates this. James hates this. Evan hates this. Barty and Reg think it’s hilarious. Quiet confidence in his kissing, likes to take charge.
Dorcas: I’m passing the phone to someone who’s addicted to dragon soup.
Marlene: I’m passing the phone to a ginger.
Lily:
Lily: I am passing the phone to someone who’s mean to everyone.
Regulus: first of all, that was a lie, second of all, I’m passing the phone to the person with the hugest glasses you have ever seen in your whole life ever.
James: I’m passing the phone to someone who’s really annoying in the morning because they have so much energy.
Mary: hello! I am passing the phone to the biggest undercover party animal!!
Remus: ...I am passing the phone to the person who’s mostly to go home early from a party because it’s past his bedtime.