#or. secret third option. he does end up killing himself and then they eat him. but bc of what misty said last ep

[hobgirl]

lottie antler imagery bc she's the antler queen, coach ben antler imagery bc he'll be the first intentional sacrifice btw

[faustrinus]

Family (wolfstar)

Everyone has impulses. Like the sudden urge to eat ice cream or listen to a certain song- it depends. There are also different types of impulses, productive and useful ones and dumb ones, the ones that you know you will regret after doing it but you do it anyway.

Sirius has had a handful of dumb ones, maybe enough to start considering it as a part of his whole persona. But after running away from his family and receiving that not so delightful letter from his mother, something has been keeping him awake. 

We have removed you from the family tapestry. It read on the paper, big letters at the end assuring him that what he had done couldn't be undone, no turn back. It's not like he was interested in ever going back to that place, but knowing that he was eliminated from the most important thing the family had, a symbol of tradition and honour- although expected, it wasn't a nice feeling what invaded him. It was the total opposite.

Since he was young, his whole personality was the fact he was a Black. People didn't take the time to get to know him because they assumed all the members from the House of the Black were the same, cold and maniac pure-bloods. The first surprise was Sirius getting into Gryffindor and not Slytherin, but even like that people still had prejudices, sometimes he found himself sitting extremely straight, hearing footsteps and feeling panicked, or normalizing behaviour that was in fact... abusive and toxic. 

The marauders showed him a lot of things, helped him get better at being himself. 

But he couldn't show them all he wanted to, it was overwhelming to remember. That was why he didn't tell them about the letter or the words his own mother used to call him- that remained a secret, and it didn't feel right. Especially considering what he had in mind. 

A dumb impulse, one of the worst you could think of.

He had to get back to the Black house and confirm he was removed from the tapestry, he had to see it. One thing was reading it and having the benefit of the doubt and the other one was having it right in front of you. He had been planning since the letter arrived, writing at what hours he knew the family left the house, where Kreacher slept while he knew he was alone, the easiest way to enter, everything. He wasn't an organized person, but this was a matter of life or death.

If they saw him, they would kill him, no doubt. They were near to do it more times he was able to admit.

Now, going alone seemed like the perfect idea. He would go in, see the tapestry and then go, nothing more. But that house was not only that, it was hell, it brought memories so dark and terrifying that just thinking about being alone at that place made his heartbeat ten times faster. He needed someone around to stay grounded, at least somewhat peaceful.

James was too clumsy and curious, he would touch everything he was interested in or probably would try to hex something in the house as an act of revenge. Even without asking, he just knew Peter was probably too scared to go, and he wasn't going to force him.

Remus was a good option. He and Sirius had this weird more than friends thing going on- but it was fine, they were comfortable with it and their friendship remained the same, except for the kisses and couple stuff they were afraid to name. Remus could calm him and make him laugh even in the tensest situations. 

So it was Remus. 

He was there, reading peacefully as the sun hit the window. Maybe he was too concentrated to notice, but Sirius had been looking at him for more than twenty minutes without stopping.

Or maybe he did notice but was waiting until Sirius could gather all the guts he needed to say whatever was going on his mind. Remus was patient about it, he was conscious of how pressure could affect people, so he didn't do it. 

After five more minutes, Sirius finally got up from the bed, walking a little in many directions, nervous about how to explain the fact he needed Remus to offer him moral support while facing the trauma he had thanks to his parents. Not a very light to say. 

"You're okay, Sirius?" Finally, Remus asked, lowering his voice as he spoke, not wanting to bother anyone that was taking an afternoon nap, "You know I'm here for you, right?"

Sirius smiled, taking a deep breath. The crumpled letter found rest in his pocket, where he constantly played with it to distract himself, "Yeah, I know."

Remus nodded and turned back to finish his book, one of his hands tapping the space empty next to him, a sign from Sirius to sit down and maybe relax a little to talk better. He did. He sat and breathed a few times, Remus was taking it all so calm and normal that it made Sirius felt like it was something normal, something he shouldn't be worried about- it helped a lot the attitude the werewolf took to make him comfortable. 

"I need your help with something."

"What is it?" Remus closed the book, leaving it in a nearby coffee table they had to play table games. Sirius glanced at it, it was the third part of the novel the werewolf was reading- Sirius knew it because Remus couldn't stop talking about reading it, he was pretty quiet and sarcastic most of the time, but when it came about his favourite books, he could talk for hours.

"I need you to come with me to my house."

"Your house?"

"The Black family house."

As intuitive and perceptive as Remus was, he definitely didn't catch quickly what the shorter boy meant. He stared at him for a few seconds, wondering if what he heard was correct. 

"...Why? Didn't you run away from there?"

Sirius sighed, "Yes, I did, but-", he stretched out on the couch, trying to look casual, "I forgot something important."

"What?"

"Don't you think you are asking too many questions?"

Remus shrugged, "Well, what you are asking for is not the most normal thing, you know. You ran away from that place, why would you ever come back? and you were planning your escape from months, how did you forget something? it doesn't add up, Sirius."

"Yeah, I knoooow, but," Sirius looked at Remus, shiny eyes to convince him, "I need to go with someone."

"James?"

"Too clumsy and curious."

"Peter?"

"Too afraid."

"...Lily?"

"Oh, c'mon, Remmy."

"Fine", he mumbled while blushing thanks to the nickname, "But you have to tell me the truth."

"What truth?"

"Why do you want to go, because I don't buy any of the I forgot something bullshit."

Sirius got up the couch, ignoring whatever Remus said at the end, "Sounds great! We go tonight." And then he was out of the room, sprinting down the hallways without looking back not even once. Remus rolled his eyes and decided to take a nap, maybe that way the intrusive thought of what the hell Sirius was planning to do would stop bothering him.

The time at Hogwarts was different for every student. The younger ones were amazed by every little magic trick (especially the muggle-born students) and would love attending to their classes, perfect uniform and all the materials in hand. The older ones were... different, Sirius was the perfect example for it when he found himself searching for his favourite quill in an old trunk just minutes before he and Remus would leave the school to go to hell...willingly.

"Forgot something at the last moment again?" Asked Remus teasingly, in three steps he was already hovering over Sirius, analyzing the paper the boy had in his hands, "Is that a map of the house?... and a blank parchment?"

"It does say something, but it isn't important right now."

"You are keeping a lot of secrets lately..."

"Well, I'm not the one that was receiving love letters from a Hufflepuff girl last Monday..."

A huff left the werewolf's mouth, "It's not like we are together... couple kind of together."

"...Do you want to?"

As the words left Sirius's lips, a few voices could be heard walking into the common room, everyone was getting ready to go to sleep. It was the moment to take the invisibility cloak and get going before anyone could notice. They shared a resigned look like telling each other we will talk about it later. Sirius transformed into Padfoot and Remus grabbed the cloak, bending down to let the fabric cover him perfectly. Being tall wasn't that fun when you needed to be subtle.

They left the castle when the moon was already adorning the sky, realizing that a cold and silent night was giving them a not-so-welcoming embrace. They proceeded in silence until they reached Sirius' motorbike that was hiding in the woods. It was a birthday gift from James and of course, it had been intervened with magic. Remus absolutely despised flying in that thing, but he was already involved in the whole thing, wasn't he? the only option was going forward. So he breathed deeply and got on it, his chest against Sirius's back.

"I hope you got over your fear of flying."

"Make it quick or I'm going back to the school."

Did everything resemble a cheesy movie scene? It did. But Remus couldn't deny he felt comfortable as long as he didn't look down, and Sirius was a pretty good driver considering they hadn't died yet. Seeing the two of them like that made the werewolf understand that he was afraid of the word couple, but he wasn't afraid of being with Sirius, it felt natural, almost instinctive. 

If everything went well, maybe someday he was going to tell him he wanted them to be something official, with a name, with kisses shared in the back of the class and holding hands under the table.

"Almost there."

In a matter of seconds (or maybe minutes, being conscious of the time while you were holding onto the person you liked was hard) they were slowly descending into the dry land of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Not a single soul was on the street when they finally touched the ground, and the only people at sight were silhouettes in the windows nearby, most of them doing stuff like watching tv or sleeping cosily in their partner laps.

"Here we are... The Honorary House of Black."

"It 's... dark."

"Yeah, don't expect a lot of bright colours."

As Sirius went up the stairs (wand in hand), his motion was almost automatic. A quick move and some whispered spells opened the door like it was the easiest thing in the world, it was at least for him- he was raised there, he knew all he needed to know about the old place.

"We have to be very quiet, just follow me."

Remus nodded while slowly closing the door and followed Sirius, trying to not get distracted by everything that was going on there. All the walls were decorated with big portraits of the family members, the Slytherin symbol all over the place. 

With each stair they passed, more tense Sirius felt. Tons of memories were coming back at the same time, reminding him that this was probably the last time he would go visit that house, or even get close to it. He didn't miss it, but the melancholy was still there.

One look at the tapestry and you're gone. Just one look, that was it.

"So...what do you think about it?" he asked.

"I don't know what I was expecting... but it wasn't this. You grew up here?"

"When you are a kid everything is a little bit scarier, but I got used to it. Now... It just seems normal."

"There are domestic elf heads on the walls-"

"That is not the worst."

With every portrait they left behind, Sirius started to get more nervous, grasping his wand as if his life was depending on it. Remus didn't have any idea on what to say, so he just stood closer, and when they finally reached the room that made Sirius gasp softly, Remus placed one of his hands on Sirius's shoulders, feeling the tension, "You're okay?"

"Yeah. This is what I wanted to see."

Remus followed the images in the tapestry. It was big and it was clear what it represented, the honour of the family. It had thousands of people the werewolf had never heard Sirius' name before, all of them looked... almost evil.

And where it read "Sirius Black" there was nothing. Just a mark, like as if it had been burned, the name was blurred and it looked like whoever did that did it with resentment.

"She really did that."

Remus arched an eyebrow, "You knew...?"

Maybe it was time for the secret to get out.

"My mom- Walburga sent me a letter a few days after I ran away. It said a bunch of disgusting things, but the most important one was this. She removed me from the tapestry," He muttered as his fingers touched softly the place where his face used to be, "The tapestry is a big symbol in the family, it has been here forever and I will probably be until the end of times. It's... kind of a big deal, so I wanted to confirm she actually did it." 

"How... do you feel about it?"

"Fuck's sake, Remus... I don't know. I never thought this would really happen, my whole identity was being a part of this atrocious family. I don't know who I am without the Black last name."

"You are better," He assured, now his both hands exerting pressure on the shoulders of the shorter boy, "You don't need a recognized last name to be something in life. You are you, and that's enough."

Sirius mumbled a thankful "you're the best" at Remus and took out the blank parchment he had before from his pocket, analyzing. 

"What is that for?" The werewolf tried to see something on the parchment, but it was still empty.

"Who is that for. Is for Regulus, he always comes here to see the tapestry."

Sirius placed the parchment on where his face used to be, sticking it with a spell, "He is going to read it before she can, I know it. And is going to make him hate me, because if he doesn't he is going to lose his mind here."

"Sirius..."

"I don't have a family anymore... well, maybe I never had one to start with, it's not a joyful feeling to be completely honest, but it's okay."

"You have us, we are your family." 

And we will forever be.

“Just… no more secrets.” “I promise.”

[seaofthemind-art]

The “Abuse” Trope in MCU Spider-Man Fan Fiction: Part 2

In the first post, I provided a rec list looking at some of the major categories of stories which fall within these tropes. Now, lets breakdown some of the themes within the stories and those that are missing.

Please be aware that as I will be looking at the content of individual stories, there will be spoilers for them ahead.

Firstly, I do not intend to invalidate anyone's personal experiences, especially as I know that some stories are written by authors from personal experience. What one person may class as unbelievable will be another person's lived experience. The same as that what one person classes as abusive may be reasonable behaviour to another. On that note, although I don't go into detail about the stories, I may still mention things that are triggering to some people.

A few of the points I make below are currently short of examples: writing this I often ended up in that familiar situation of remembering the plot but unable to find the actual story to reference. I also have not linked the individual stories in this post, but you can find most of them listed on the rec list in Part 1.

I also haven’t really mentioned any of the Skip Wescott stories as these aren’t something that I usually read. Although, it would be interesting to know how these fit with the trends mentioned below.

The review below is split into a few key themes, followed by a brief look at some ideas which have only been glossed over in the fandom (to my knowledge).

On Peter's Reaction to Abusive Situations

I've seen discussion before regarding these types of stories where people state that they do not find the stories believable as they believe it goes against Peter's characterization. This is a fair point, and in the one example we have in comic canon he speaks up almost straight away regarding the abuse. However, on the other side, there is the truth that anyone can find themselves being abused, no matter how strong they may be. On the basis of this, the stories span a large range of reactions from Peter himself, on which readers mileage will vary.

There are several stories where Peter puts up with verbal and emotional abuse, but he draws the line at physical abuse: fighting back or reporting straight away when it occurs (”i get by (but it's eating me alive)”, “to this day”).

There are also stories where Peter puts up with it until someone else ends up being the target (“A Peter Parker Problem“). These are often the stories where he internalizes it as being fine if it only happens to him as "he can handle it" (following the same vein as many of the stories dealing with him being bullied at school).

The abuse trope is also a common origin for the "Homeless Peter" trope. This is where Peter's reaction to the abuse is to remove himself from the situation; usually this is when the abuse occurs in the foster family situation (“The Third Option”, “Unexpected Finds”). This may happen instead of reporting, or due to not being listened to when he tries to speak up about the abuse.

The most common situation, often linked with the scenarios listed above, is where the abuser manipulates Peter in to believing any of: 1) that the abuse is his fault (playing on guilt for being a burden/getting Ben killed/etc); 2) that things will be worse if he reports it (loss of financial support/loss of other characters' happiness); 3) that no one else cares (implying other characters are already aware of the situation/making it seem like other characters would agree with the abuser). All of these are real life situations which keep people in abusive relationships, and in this sense the stories do provide a range of different, potentially possible, scenarios.

These last points are sometimes extended to the point of Peter protecting his abuser: that when other characters suspect what is going on and confront him, he denies the situation (”Your Heart Changed (mine stayed the same)“). This can also include trying to return to the abuser after being removed from the situation (“Please, Understand“). The stories that take the trope to this point are usually the "Dark/Abusive May Parker" stories where his belief in the love of his Aunt overrules the truth of the situation, and Peter coming to terms with the reality of the situation is part of the conflict.

On Timescales within Stories

The build-up to the situations in the stories is one of the areas where there is a large variation between the stories.

For those stories which have May or Ben as the abusive person, most of the stories rely on the pre-existing relationship to build the story on. This can be either already happening from childhood (“the second law of thermodynamics”, “I told you I had issues”), or a development because of something which has happened within the movies (“Your Heart Changed (mine stayed the same)”, “Please, Understand”).

When it comes to the "May's Abusive Boyfriend" Trope, the stories cover a large amount of timescales: from those where the abuse starts from almost as soon as he meets the abuser (”Fear all else but never me. Please”, “The Black And The Blue (All That It Takes Out of You)”), to those stories which show a gradual build up in the abuse over months - generally mentioned as being between five months to a year (“to this day”, "i get by (but it's eating me alive", "promotions aren't always a good thing").

Since Endgame, there has now been the appearance of stories which use the time-skip as a way to build up a relationship off-screen which becomes the source of the abuse. Set in an AU where May wasn't dusted and created a new family in the time-skip, these stories use the five years as a way to build up the backstory off-screen, and use Peter's return as a factor in the abuse ("A Peter Parker Problem", "Your Heart Changed (mine stayed the same)", “Vertigo”). This also has the narrative advantage of giving an easy reason for other characters not to notice what is occurring due to the chaos post-Endgame.

On Abuser Redemption

In general, within the fandom abuse is shown as a bad thing, and that there is no redemption for abusers. Once the truth comes out, the abusers either face legal action and/or are banished from the characters' lives. The idea of forgiveness is consistently shown as a bad thing: Peter gives the benefit of the doubt to his abuser, and this is repaid in further abuse.

The major exception to this is stories where Tony is the abusive person. This generally falls into the area of neglectful parenting, rather than physical abuse. However, understandable with the popularity of "Irondad", this is usually played as a redemption arc (Ie: "Tony is trying to be better than Howard", "he didn't mean it"). By the end of the story, Tony realizes what he has done wrong and is forgiven by Peter providing a happy ending and father-son relationship.

Examples of this range from thoughtless one-off situations (”I Do Listen To You”), to neglectful Bio-Dad AUs where Tony's canon story arc stops him from being a good parent ("love dares you to change”), to AU-Endgame situations where he fails to balance having two children.

This does become rather jarring when compared to the "all abuse is wrong" standards of the fandom in general. This inconsistency is due to the main reason for the "abuse" trope being popular: in that it is a way for many authors to create the "found family" trope. This is Tony coming to the rescue, with the majority of stories having Peter either confiding in the abuse to Tony ("i get by (but its eating me alive)", "Who Saves The Hero") or Tony discovering what is occurring ("The Black And The Blue (All That It Takes Out of You)", "Promotions Aren't Always A Good Thing"); and in the case of either May or Foster Carers being the source of the abuse, providing a situation in which Tony adopts Peter. Whereas, when Tony is the abuser, the aim of the story tends to be the repair of the Irondad Dynamic.

Missing Stories

All of the examples above are stories revolving actual situations of abuse. Interestingly, one thing that I have seen very few stories dealing with is allegations of abuse. AKA: stories where outsiders believe there is abuse when there isn’t, and the issues this causes.

One of the stories that actually made me realize this is an area which hasn’t been explored was Everyday Superhero by  stoneage_woman. Within the story it is pointed out that teachers are mandated reporters, therefore that they are legally required to report possible cases of abuse  and are trained in how to spot them. With the amount of stories that  have Peter going to school with injuries due to Spider-Man, as well as  various stories dealing with the mental health effects of superhero-ing,  it seems plausible that an outsider may take the wrong idea about what  they see and report their suspicions. This could potentially cause a  snowball affect of problems: How does Peter prove he isn’t being abused without telling his secret? What are the effects when the legal spotlight turns on May and/or Tony?

There are a few stories that do touch on the idea:

Those where there is a situation of abuse and characters jump to the wrong conclusion, ending up accusing the wrong person (such as in "The Homes We Make" where, from what he sees, Flash believes that Tony is the one abusing Peter; however, he confronts Tony directly rather than go to a third party).

“Dead Aunt May” trope stories where Tony is refused, or loses, guardianship of Peter due to being viewed as being unfit ("Losing Home", "And Then You Saved Me"); or where the media (traditional or social) gets involved and speculates regarding their relationship to negative results.

There are several stories where Tony is accused (falsely) of being in a relationship with Peter, by either the media or via the bullying of Peter by Flash; however, these rumours are always shut down quickly in these stories.

Although these scenarios play with the ideas, it would be interesting to see the conflicts developed further.

Anyway, I’m interested to hear other people’s opinions or insights into what I’ve listed here.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.8

Shopping with Shiro was god awkward. Being a local, everyone was too damn cheerful as they did polite thing and say hello, some asking who Shiro was, and another pondering the question which would lead to rumours at a later date. Lance didn’t like to brag, but he was pretty well known in Garrison for making a “haunted house” his home. There weren’t any ghosts there, only the long dead skeletons of rats and mice, and the occasional spot of mould. He was also well known as being a bit “odd”, 26 with no partner struck some of the older community as a bit strange, as did the fact that he’d live in such a large home alone. Still, Lance blended himself in as seamlessly as he could. Earlier in the year he’d thought about picking up a few shifts at a local bar, only to change his mind over the fear of somehow cutting him and cursing the local drunks. Plus, people really sucked when they were drunk. He was more than likely to blow a fuse if he had to be flirted with every single damn shift simply because he looked at the peak of his youth.

Sticking to his usual routine of picking random things that he knew he could make a meal from, he found himself schooling Shiro in the ways of bulk savings, and discount brands. Shiro didn’t know how to process that he was a vampire who ate garlic... other foods in general. He really wasn’t living up to his role as a vampire at all, yet, despite how hard he tried not to, part of him decided it had to go and like Shiro as a person, despite the fact he’d clearly vandalised his own car and lied through his teeth when they’d met. Buying way too much food, the dude at the check out pretty much had bug eyes when it came to loading up the belt, because Lance never brought as much he was right then, then paying for it as Shiro insisted on placing the bags back in the trolley, as it was “the least he could do, all things considered”. Lance kept trying to consider him a pain, but now he was actually wondering if this had been how his family felt when he’d suddenly come back home different to the rest of them. He wanted to ring his Mami and ask her advice over the whole matter, but the idea of her baby boy living with two men who kill vampires for a living would send into a fit of hysterics over his safety.

Taking his keys from him, Shiro was good at insisting things. Insisting he needed his rest, and that he should cover his face so the sun’s rays wouldn’t burn up his skin. Shiro was fast feeling like a big brother that Lance had desperately wanted, but denied he needed. The fact that Shiro didn’t seem to want to murder him left him with all kinds of conflicted feelings that were too muddled to sort out. He was a vampire, Shiro was a hunter, that was the black and white of it, those damn shades of grey in between were making all of this far more difficult than it needed to be.

A tad too proud of an inanimate object, his bronco was a good girl, not starting for Shiro until the third time he tried to turn over the engine. Not used to the closeness of the H on the clutch, Shiro ground the gears more than once, then proceeded to bunny hop over that damn ditch in Lance’s driveway. Forget Shiro being the older brother, he was giving Lance’s younger self a run for his money, though his problem had been that even at accelerated speeds things seemed slower than the normal speed limit. His glasses helped with that, as had keeping the one car for his adult life. Bunny hopping to a stop in front of Lance’s house, Shiro shot him an embarrassed look, Lance quick to reassure him he wasn’t about to tell anyone over the mistreatment of his beloved girl.

Getting the shopping inside was a whole other drama as he wasn’t allowed to help with that either. Sent to his living room, he found Shiro had made himself at home, cleaning up the trashed remains into something more put together yet nowhere near Lance’s high standards. He still needed a new coffee table, provided he’d be living long enough to enjoy it. With that room not needing dire attention, Lance found himself in his kitchen, not trusting Shiro to be near any open fire unsupervised. The clock already read 4:30pm, a little, lot, later than he would have liked the time to be. Lugging the last of the shopping bags in, Shiro hefted a sigh of relief before dropping himself down in the first available dining chair. Boy, if the man thought things ended there, he was in for a tough ride.

Waiting all of thirty second for Shiro to start relaxing, Lance clapped his hands, earning himself a groan

“What are you doing sitting down?”

“Wha...?”

“The real work starts now that we’re home. We’ve got a dinner party to cook for, and don’t think your lack of kitchen prowess is getting you out of it. You’re staying under my roof, which means you’re helping out. Besides, “Sleeping Beauty”, is gonna wanna eat sometime before he expires of old age”

Shiro sighed as he rose to his feet

“You’re right. You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?”

“If you’re asking if I’m serious about my friends enjoying themselves, then yes I am. If you’re asking about Keith, he’s got a nice enough face, but that’s as far as it goes. He won’t eat what I cook, unless you want to lie to him about it. So, you’re helping, that way you can tell him the nasty blood sucker didn’t taint his precious food”

“That comment... it, um, it really got under your skin, didn’t it?”

“It’d be like me slandering all you hunters as wild beast killing Barbarians. I’ve come across them before, it’s kind of hard not to when you’ve been around a while, they usually prefer to be more direct with their kills”

Shiro nodded, his left hand moving to grab above his elbow on his right arm, as if Lance’s words had triggered him to remember some deep self-conscience secret

“I guess it is. But for the most part we are”

“Touché. I don’t want to admit this, but I don’t think I hate you as much as I should”

“For a vampire you’re not that bad”

“I could have told you that. Now, what does Keith like eating?”

“Something quick and easy”

“Thanks for that. Let’s put it this way, is there anything he’s allergic too?”

“He’s a bit iffy when it comes to milk... I was going to try make him some soup”

Lance couldn’t count the number of ways that could have gone wrong

“I can do soup. I got chicken today, so we’ll do chicken and vegetable for “Madam Dramatics”. You’ll be in charge of slicing things. I assume you’re skilled with a blade enough to know not to stab the vampire with pointy end”

“I’ve been around a blade or two”

“Good. Wash your hands then wash the vegetable”

Shiro stared at him blankly, Lance groaning

“Okay. I’ll wash the vegetables. You can work a peeler right?”

“I don’t know...”

Lance cast Shiro a serious frown. Vegetable peelers had come a long way since Lance was a child, but there were now easier than ever. Noticing the minute movements of Shiro’s lips, Lance wanted to smack him, yet instead he did the adult thing and used his words

“You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?”

“Maybe a little”

“You know what, I take it all back. You’re not like an older brother, you’re like a dead beat father. Get to work on the vegetables while I start on the rest”

Having Shiro in the kitchen nearly ruined the joy of cooking forever. Lance didn’t really enjoy cooking the way Hunk did, but giving up on human food wasn’t an option when he was just another normal human being. He felt he’d be giving into his curse to give it up completely, and if he had the money, why not spoil his friends with some really good food? Asking Shiro to use the bones to make a chicken broth resulted in the bones being burnt. Then Shiro left the tea towel a fraction too close to the stove top and that started to smoulder. By the time the clock struck five, and that big beautiful best friend of his, also known as Hunk, walked through the kitchen door, Lance was nearly crying tears of frustration. He’d tasted Shiro’s soup, then promptly rushed to the kitchen sink to throw up, tiny flecks of metal stared up at him and Lance cursed Keith again. Walking up to Hunk, Lance wrapped his arms around him

“Thank god, you’re here”

Patting Lance’s back, Hunk laughed nervously

“Um, thanks, man. Hello, Shiro. Nice to, um, see you again”

“Keith left his camera behind, he’s bad in the morning without his caffeine. Lance offered to let us stay for dinner. We came to collect it. You know how it is”

Hunk knew how unhappy Lance was about house guests. His friends knew that staying in his house wasn’t an invite just any old random got, unless it came from Pidge

“Man, it’s lucky that you left it here and not somewhere else. Not everyone is as kind hearted as Lance”

With his face so close to Hunk’s neck, Lance could hear Hunk’s heartbeat. He could see the veins that carried that fresh blood to and from Hunk’s brain. He’d never feed from him, but Lance was definitely having control issues. He needed blood, he needed to bring himself back under control. His body felt like he was wearing the meat suit of a stranger

“Man, are you okay? You’re totally bundled up”

“I’m fine, Hunkeroo. Just a bit of a sniffle, probably from that window breaking. Shiro’s volunteered to be your sous chef for the evening, thought I wouldn’t trust him with anything other than the chicken soup”

Hunk nodded, Lance stepping back out of his hold. Thank god he was so thickly padded Hunk couldn’t feel him shivering

“Wait, if Shiro’s here, where’s Keith?”

Lance opened his mouth, but it was Shiro’s voice that piped up

“Keith doesn’t like to admit it, but he gets pretty bad car sickness. He needed a nap before dinner to sleep it off”

Hunk nodded sympathetically

“I get that too. It’s horrible. I’ve got this new medication I’m on that really seems to help, I can give him the name if it’ll help”

“I don’t see the harm”

Shiro lied so naturally that Lance wondered if Keith did get car sick. Keith’s bad arse image was in tatters now. The next time the idiot tried to pick a fight him, Lance wasn’t going to hesitate in teaching his ego a lesson

“Right, well. Shiro’s here to help, he can’t be left unwatched. This one has the skill of burning water in an off kettle. I need to check my work phone, and I want to check in with Miriam”

Shiro questioned

“Miriam?”

Hunk nodded, already slipping into chef mode

“That’s his grandmother. Sure, dude. Take your time, but you know, not too much time...”

Hunk was taking a leap of faith, taking Lance’s “trust” of Shiro to mean he could take those tentative steps too. Hunk’s naturally loveable and huge hearted self didn’t need much of an excuse to love somebody. He prayed that whatever happened, Shiro would spare Hunk the pain of a broken friendship.

The door to Lance’s office had been left ajar. Making the most of it, Blue was curled up on his office chair, Lance softening immediately at the sight of his princess

“Blue... hey, baby girl”

Blue let out a “rowrr”, rolling over and stretching herself out in the chair, her head turning his way as it bobbed a little, like she couldn’t quite focus. With her precious little toes reaching towards him, Lance smiled down at his girl, not wanting to lift her off the chair where she was so comfortable. Walking over, he knelt down, scratching between Blue’s ears as she nudged up into the pats

“So this is where you’ve been? Daddy’s sorry. I left you all alone, my baby”

Laying his cheek on Blue, her fur tickled his nose, still too hypersensitive, but finding peace in Blue’s strong heartbeat. What was happening to him? All of this was strange, all of these heightened senses were scary. Disgruntled over being reduced to his pillow, Blue moved from beneath him, sticking her butt in his face in a half kind of squat as she licked her back, an accusing glare cast in his direction

“You’re the one who moved. I didn’t want to disturb you”

He swore Blue understood every word, his girl quick to jump off the chair and strut away out the door.

Sighing as he was left alone, Lance hadn’t actually wanted to call his Mami. He didn’t want her knowing he was sick or stressed, but his list of go to people were short. With his body changing, he figured he should reach out to Coran for answers, but was scared off at the idea that Shiro or Keith might have bugged his office. Vatican sanctioned hunters were no joke. God’s love was found in the light, while his species were seen as unworthy night freaks that should be decapitated at the first opportune moment. It wasn’t like him to be so depressed, he needed to get his shit together and keep strong, so why was he letting himself spiral like this? He’d met hunters before, forced to flee long ago and barely in his late 20’s. He thought he’d done such a good job of blending in, of being likeable to everyone. Now he was just too damn scared to think of his next move. A truce between him and Shiro could surely not last longer than tonight. Shiro only agreed not to kill him due to his human friends. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t want to drink Keith’s blood in the first place, so why did he have to be punished when he’d pretty much saved Keith from himself.

“Freeze, bloodsucker”

What happened to Keith being in bed? So weak he needed his big brother to fend for him? Turning his head, he rested his other cheek on the chair as he looked to Keith. Keith looked sleepy, yet unamazingly alive. A proper nap would fix up much of his appearance, as would a series of face masks to help with the whole “black bag panda” look he was rocking. Pointing a gun in his direction, Lance couldn’t even be surprised by it

“Just so you know, Shiro and I have a truce at the moment because there’s a human in the house”

“You think I care? You fucking turned me”

Lance moved his head again, flipping back to the other cheek and staring at his desk

“You’re not a vampire”

“I am too! You bit me”

“You punched me in the teeth”

“You still turned me!”

“Keith, fuck off. You’re not a vampire”

“I am! I received a vampire’s bite”

“Nope”

“I’m turning. I can feel it. My body feels different”

“That’s because you’re a dumbarse. Relax, you’re still human”

“I’m not! You ruined my life, the least you can do is die!”

Before Keith could react, Lance was standing in front of him. Grabbing the muzzle of the gun, he held it up to his chest in line with his undead heart

“You’re not a vampire. Fucking shoot me if you want to, but I never fucking turned you”

It was interesting to hear Keith’s heart begin to race with fear. His eyes were something else, Lance staring him dead in the eyes, feeling like those eyes could steal his very soul

“You turned me”

“I didn’t turn you. Now, either you shoot me right here, or you go back to bed like a good little boy. Shiro’s worried enough about you as it is”

“You have no right...”

“I have no right mentioning his name? Is that it? Sorry to break it to you, but until tomorrow morning, and my friends have all gone home safely, your stupid arse is stuck here. Now, I’m going to have a bite to drink while you go back to bed. Neither of us are going to tell Shiro you pulled a gun on me while a human was in the house, and you’re going to get through you think mullet covered head, you are not a vampire”

Letting the gun go, Lance turned and walked back to his desk, making a show of calmly pulling down a wine glass and opening his safe. His blood supply had been fucking halved, probably by Keith, and Lance kind of hoped that the idiot would have taken a sip by now and see he was still the stupid human he’d always been. Feeling Keith’s eyes remain on him, Lance sighed

“Can’t a man get a moment of privacy in his own home?”

“How can I trust you? How do I know you aren’t planning on pulling out your own gun”

“Because you fucking tossed my office already. If there a gun in here, your dumbarse would have found it. Now, shoo”

Keith did not “shoo”, either the whole encounter had taken so long Shiro got worried, or Hunk had mentioned Lance was headed to his office, whatever it was, Shiro didn’t take long to interrupt the one sided staring match

“Keith! What are you doing out of bed?”

With Shiro finally there to break the tension, Lance poured himself out a third of the blood bag

“I’m not human any more, Shiro...”

“Keith. I get that this change is hard for you, but we’re going to get through this together. Lance has people over tonight, we can’t make a move until they’ve left”

“He’s a vampire and he fucking turned me!”

All Keith needed to was start stomping his feet and he’d have impersonating a cranky toddler down pact

“Keith, please. Whatever he’s done to you, I won’t rest until we have a cure. Right now, Lance is only source of information. I know it hard, but you need your rest”

Lance’s opinion of Shiro’s intelligence dropped. He’d told Shiro that Keith wasn’t a vampire. Yet there Shiro was, assuring Keith they’d find a cure. The only cure was death. The whole “kill the sire” thing didn’t work, the two who’d sired Lance had to have been killed off by now... unless they were born into the vampire way of life. Lance actually hadn’t the first clue about how a vampire was “born” and not from being bitten and turned. Perhaps blood in the infants milk? That was the only reasoning he could some up with. Maybe if he hadn’t clung to his human roots, he would have ventured out to learn more about the beast he was.

“Fine. Tonight, and only tonight, I’ll let you off, but come tomorrow, you better tell me everything I need to know before I kill you”

Whooo hoo. One last dinner, at least it’d be with his friends. Keith’s carrying ons were enough to make his headache increase tenfold, bitter as he muttered

“Go away already”

[elareine]

Down, down (Superbat)

The first time he visits the sea witch, it is for knowledge.

There have been whispers in the castle for as long as Clark can remember. A sea creature, dark and terrible, his mother’s chambermaid used to tell him. It would eat him if he didn’t behave. A captive, the head of his guard said, a sea creature that had killed many humans before his grandfather managed to catch it and chain it to the caves under the castle.

A being that fulfills wishes, his mother whispered, and it is her voice Clark is following tonight.

From the dust, he is certain no one has walked through these tunnels in years. He half expects to find nothing but a corpse when he finally opens the heavy doors at its end—if no one was here to bring food, how would the creature have survived?

But eyes glow at him from the darkness.

“Erm. Hello?” Clark steps closer, his torch illuminating the cave.

Something—someone—is sitting in the water. No, not sitting, Clark realizes, floating. His upper body, mostly resembling that of a human but also not, is above the waterline. His lower body is hidden by the water, but Clark can make out dark, writhing shapes. Tentacles, maybe? He squints, then realizes he’s being rude and snaps his eyes back up to the witch’s face.

“What do you want?” the creature asks.

“My name is Clark.”

“I know who you are.” It’s a simple statement, but it makes chills run down Clark’s spine. “What do you want from me?”

“My uncle has taken the throne after my father’s death.” It still hurts to say. Clark remembers his father’s face as the sword cut through his throat all too clearly. He wasn’t supposed to see it; isn’t supposed to know what happened.

“Do you want me to kill him?”

“What? No!” Though Clark is tempted sometimes, he knows that’s not what the country needs.

“Then what?”

“I need to learn,” Clark tells him earnestly. “My father—he didn’t have time to teach me everything to be a good king.”

The witch is silent.

Clark tries to think of anything that could convince them. “You have knowledge, they say. The kind that was lost to humans. Surely you know of kingdoms? How to bring justice and peace? ”

“You do not wish for a spell? A potion? Something to make you all-knowing, to make your uncle vanish, to bring back your father?” the witch asks, disbelief in his voice.

Clark shakes his head, unsure why the witch is acting so surprised.

There is movement under the water. “Then… I will give you what you need. But there will be a price.”

Clark expected that. “Do you want me to free you?”

“That would be far beyond your power, princeling. No, what I will require… is time.”

“Time?”

“An hour a day,” the witch tells him, “studying. I will tell you all you need to know, things you only ever dreamed of, but you need to invest your time. And it needs to stay a secret. That is the best deal I can give you.”

Clark—he has to admit he doesn’t like the idea. It seems dangerous and unpleasant to spend so much time around a creature he is sure could kill him with a single movement of whatever is hidden underneath the waterline.

But if he is hesitant to stay, how much worse must it be for a witch that can never leave? And besides, he realizes, the risk is far more significant for the creature. What if his uncle finds out? How would he use a weapon like this?

Clark shudders at the thought and makes his choice.

“Agreed. What is your name?” he asks.

“Why would you need to know?”

Clark rolls his eyes. It’s probably not the wisest move in front of such a creature, but… really? “To be polite? We will see each other more often, after all. I cannot just keep calling you ‘witch.’”

“Why not?” the witch asks. It sounds genuinely curious. “It’s what everyone else of your kind has done.”

Well, that just makes Clark want to throw something. Since his only option is the torch, he refrains, but barely. “I won’t.”

Those strange blue eyes consider him, then turn away. Just when Clark thinks the witch will vanish without another word, he hears: “I’m Bruce.”

He smiles and waves. “See you tomorrow, then, Bruce.”

----- 

The second time Clark visits the sea witch, he asks for strength.

His footsteps echo through the tunnels as he runs. There is no need for secrecy now that he is king, and he throws open the doors with a resounding ‘bang.’ Usually, he takes a moment to appreciate the way the cave looks so much brighter with all the lamps and decorations he’s moved in here.

The best thing was the bookshelves, obviously. Bruce devours whatever Clark brings him. There have to be more books down here than in the Royal library by now, and Clark has no intention of ever reversing the trend.

Today, though, he runs straight into the water, barely managing to stop before he runs into a startled Bruce. A tentacle curls around his waist, steadying him.

Clark gasps out: “My uncle is back with an army, and he brought witches.”

Bruce looks concerned. “How close are they?”

“There is an armada fifteen miles from the capital.”

Bruce doesn’t say You should have killed him, unlike Clark’s advisors. Bruce, he knows, values life just as dearly as he does. Mercy, he taught him, is never the wrong decision.

A tentacle slashes through the water in what Clark has learned is frustration. “If I could go outside—”

For a moment, Clark lets himself envision it. Bruce, taking down ship after ship, magnificent in with the strength of his tentacles and of his magic. But Clark has tried and tried and tried. Nowhere has his grandfather recorded what he did to chain Bruce to this cave.

So he focuses on a more practical approach. “I am confident in my army and my navy, but how can we sail or fight when we cannot see? There have been mists and storms all along the coast.”

“He brought weather witches, huh?” There’s something like a grin on Bruce’s face, highlighting his many, many rows of teeth. Maybe it’s weird that Clark finds that immensely comforting.

“Do you think that you could hold them off?”

Bruce snorts contemptuously. “Of course. Humans think they can control everything, but they do not understand the water.”

And oh, Clark will ask him about that. The way Bruce sees the world remains endlessly fascinating to him. But in the years since their first encounter, he has learned the most crucial question: “What will be the price?”

“It will require blood,” Bruce says ominously if a bit—apologetically?

“Mine, I hope.”

“Among others, yes.”

Clark narrows his eyes. “What does that mean?” Bruce isn’t going to ask for his firstborn or anything, is he?

“All your ships will reach the harbor,” Bruce says, sounding distant, “and your arrows will fly true. But you cannot use a single weapon made of fire, or the spell will vanish.”  

“We can do that.” Clark is already mentally adjusting his battle plans. Sure, those new cannons are nice, but they would be worth nothing if they had no way to aim them. “That does not explain the blood part, though.”

“It is a deal, then,” Bruce says. “Take out your dagger.”

Clark, still unsure but willing to trust Bruce on this, hands it to him. There’s a sting on his upper arm, immediately soothed by the press of a cold tentacle against it.

Then Bruce, to Clark’s horror, turns the dagger against himself. “What—”

“Shh. I’m concentrating.” Bruce cuts along his own human arm, then a tentacle. His eyes are brighter than usual.

It’s the first time Clark’s seen Bruce work actual magic, and he is fascinated. The water around them is receding, then swelling. A chant rises with the wind—a wind that shouldn’t be here. There’s a glow, and then a locket appears in Bruce’s hands.

Bruce exhales and hands it to Clark.

“As long as you wear this, the spell will hold. And… it will protect you personally,” Bruce says. “So do not take it off.”

Clark stares. “I never asked for that.”

“I know.” Bruce looks away. “There’s a piece of my magic in that locket. If you do not bring it back, it will forever be lost. So you better come back.”

Moments like these, Clark is starting to suspect that the witch isn’t actually that much older than him, if at all. Clark was eleven the first time he visited the witch, which begs the question—who locks a boy into an underground cave?

He doesn’t have the time to consider this now, he realizes with a start. His uncle is closing in on the capital as they speak.

“I will, and then we will have words about it,” he promises. Bruce nods, and Clark turns and runs out of the cave, out of this prison, feeling much better than he had an hour ago.

The locket is warm against his chest.

----- 

The third time he visits the sea witch, it is for love.

Bruce is stretched out on the rocky shore when Clark enters, looking as relaxed as Clark has ever seen him.

“Good hunt?” the king asks, stepping up next to him.

“A swarm of fish made their way in,” Bruce tells him. “It seems they are starting to forget that this place is not be entered.”

“That’s nice.”

There must’ve been something in his voice. Those eyes open and study him, turning sharply alert at whatever it is they perceive. “Anything special that brings you here today?”

Clark nods. It’s useless to try and hide his nervousness in front of his friend. “As you know, we’ve been at peace for three years now.” Ever since Bruce vanquished storms and Clark’s fighters prevailed against his uncle. No one would dare attack a country that combined such powers. “My advisors have begun to talk of marriage prospects to me.”

Bruce nods. “I was wondering if it would be power or love.”

“Huh?”

“Knowledge, power…” Bruce counts each item with a tentacle. “With many people, it would be wealth, next. If your kingdom was poor, I’d have bet on that, but as it is…”

Clark thinks that was a compliment hidden somewhere in there. Maybe. “No wealth needed, yes. But they are getting a bit impatient, so…”

“Then I don’t understand your question.” Bruce isn’t looking at him. “Surely you do not need a love potion to find someone suitable.”

The nerve of that witch. “Bruce, if you tell me that after all these years you do not know who it is I wish to marry, I will have to hit you over the head.”

That does, finally, get him a smile, even if it’s faint. “I wasn’t sure.”

“Yes, well, I am. So I am asking you, sea witch: What will it need to get you out of this cave?”

He’s being unfair, Clark knows. A witch has to answer the question a customer asks, whether they want to or not.

(Truth to be told, his advisors haven’t been that pushy. It just allows Clark enough pretext to ask Bruce in a way he cannot avoid. He’s tired of going down to this cave; tired of knowing this beautiful creature is hidden from the world, held captive for a reason none of them understand.)

“It’s a curse,” Bruce tells him, stilted as if it’s being dragged out of him. “I can lift it if you ask me to, and only then, but… it needs payment.”

“Whatever it is, I’m willing to give it.” Clark is. Even if it’s his life.

“I don’t know what it is,” Bruce says. “I cannot think of a single thing that would be big enough to satisfy the curse that I am willing to have you pay.”

“There must be something.”

“A life for a life, Clark. Memories, or blood, or children. Freedom is not worth it.”

“But it is. There’s so much out there, Bruce. Water and ships and streams and the sun and stars, and everything beautiful, and ugly, and alive. You should see it.”

A tentacle winds itself around his wrist. Clark doesn’t hesitate to wrap his hand around it, squeezing reassuringly.

Bruce asks: “What would you have me do?”

“Swim in the oceans. See your kind, be free. Or be a part of the human world whenever you want to be.” Clark swallows. “You know you will always be welcome here.”

The grip in his wrist turns painful for a second, Bruce visibly struggling to contain his emotions. “You know there is nowhere else I would rather be than with you.”

That’s a relief, but Clark insists: “It should be your choice. And there are other places even in this castle, you know. We could—we could merge the libraries. Built a pool, just for you.”

Bruce shakes his head as if that’s too much to imagine. “You still haven’t told me what price you think would be big enough to pay for my freedom.”

Clark gets an idea. “How about my firstborn?”

The confusion on Bruce’s face is adorable. “Why would you give me your baby? Clark, I have no intention of killing a child or kidnapping it or—”

“Not mine,” Clark shrugs. He’s kind of delighted himself for the idea. “Ours. To raise together. Loophole, right?”

He gets to watch as Bruce digests that idea. His tentacles are doing that thing where they curl and straighten and curl and straighten in acute embarrassment and pleasure.

“I don’t think that will be quite enough,” he finally says. Clark tries not to let show how crushing that is. But then Bruce smiles, and it’s wicked and gorgeous and bright like nothing Clark has ever seen before. “We might need a kiss, too.”

Oh. “True love’s kiss?” Clark’s grinning, he knows it.

“Something like that.” There are tentacles on his back and all around him as clawed hands frame his face. Clark doesn’t mind, just presses closer, winding his arms around his sea witch’s neck. “It certainly wouldn’t hurt.”

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

bound to each other's hearts (this love is like wildfire)

Lizzington, The Blacklist. Sequel to Lost In The Forest Of This Heart. Cross-posted on AO3. Important notes can also be found there. 

I’m not in the fandom anymore and I don’t plan to make things for TBL ever again now that this is complete, but I had a surprising amount of fun rewatching the first two seasons in order to wrap up this series. Turns out, I do still love what it could have been. I’m glad to know that! And I’m grateful for the friends I made along the way. You all were definitely the best part of this show for me.

Summary: Between dealing with the Cabal and evading the FBI, Red and Liz try to figure out what the future holds for them both. 

He still doesn’t quite get it, Liz knows: that she wants more than separate lives, occasional dinners together or friendly evenings of chatting over wine and poker. Red isn’t fighting her on that front, but he doesn’t see himself in her picture. And if she’s being honest with herself, she knows that could be because she hasn’t yet decided on the specifics of it.

They settle into a new routine when they leave the Wisconsin safehouse, Liz full of single-minded determination and Red watching her warily whenever her attention is elsewhere. 

Much like he felt when they first went on the run, she is everywhere. Except it’s a different kind of awareness now, because she’s no longer so broken and he’s no longer an enigma. 

When she smiles at him, it’s unguarded, pulling him in. When she reaches for his hand or hugs him, he can tell she’s trying to make it commonplace. They are friends, or as close to it as they ever could be, and it’s eroding what’s left of his barriers. 

Over the next few weeks, they arrange meetings with Cabal members. Rather than by Red’s invitation directly, each is through trusted liasons, and Liz has fun playing with the disguises before they arrive at each site together. 

Red chooses the Cabal members they kill based on several factors, beginning with those who are high-profile and legally untouchable. It frustrates Liz to know it’s true, but some Cabal leaders are too powerful to be harmed by even the world-shaking effects of the Fulcrum leak.

Their list of targets is further trained on people inside the Cabal who have murdered or directed others to murder--especially on a large scale. That makes them especially dangerous enemies and also important to remove. It sends the message that no one who remains is safe.

At the third meeting, they take out two men simultaneously; Liz shoots the head of a multinational corporation before he can finish aiming at Red, and means it when she tells him later that she has no regrets. 

She feels safe with a gun holstered under her shirt again. She’s slowly moving past the guilt she’s been carrying since Connolly.

She feels even safer with Red’s hand hovering at the small of her back whenever they enter new situations. He expects her to hold her own, always has, but his presence--especially the way he’s reaching out more, relaxing around her--is a comfort. 

Liz has trusted him with her life since before it made sense, and that’s one of the things between them that remains the same. 

They’ve killed a handful of high-ranking Cabal members when something slips. 

Red thinks it was Julian, an associate he has trusted for decades. One he will never trust again. Whatever the weak link in his careful arrangements, instead of meeting Ingrid at the deserted farmhouse in dusty Kansas, they’re almost caught by the Task Force. 

Ressler and Samar are there, Samar’s eyes apologetic but her aim unflinching as she trains her gun on Liz. Ressler should be aimed at Reddington just as steadfastly, but his gaze flicks to Liz for the briefest of moments and that’s all Red needs. He takes the shot.

The second he does, chaos breaks loose between the FBI team and the men Red brought with them. Red and Liz take cover behind a rusted truck until Dembe pulls up in an SUV. Samar fires in their direction, but doesn’t stop their escape in the bulletproof vehicle.

Taking narrow backroads after that, they switch vehicles twice and don’t stop moving until they’re in Denver, letting the city swallow them up.

While Dembe is still driving, Red finds a bloody graze on Liz’s arm that she neglected to mention. 

“It was from Samar,” she tells him. "She could have fired on the tires or gas tank and stopped our escape entirely, but she didn’t.”

Their orders were clearly to capture, not to kill. This was just a warning shot.

She frowns. “But Ressler…”

“What about Ressler?” Red’s voice is gruff as he dabs at her arm. Since waving him off didn’t work, she lets him disinfect what’s barely even a wound. She hopes it’ll calm him down. 

“Red, you got a clean shot at him. Should we talk about that?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He runs his fingers around the edges of her bandage, making sure the adhesive will hold. Reminding himself that this is the extent of the damage. It could have been so much worse. 

Her smooth skin is still warm, alive. Her eyes keep trying to find something in his. He can’t bear to look at her.

“If that were true, I don’t think you would seem so upset. I’ve seen you shoot people before and barely blink. Red--I know you’ve shot Ressler before. So what’s going on?”

“Nothing, Lizzie. We’ve already talked about this. They’ll chase us until this mess is over, one way or another. I gave them a distraction so we could escape. It���s that simple.”

“It’s not simple at all, though, is it. You’ve fought back to back with Ressler now. You know him. To face him and pull the trigger...I can’t imagine it.”

“I hope you never have to. But as you said, Donald and I have a history that goes back to long before you joined the Task Force. We only fought on the same side at times...to protect you. We were both on your side. Allegiances shift. Loyalties change.”

She nods. “That is incredibly sad.”

“Yeah.”

He shrugs and gently pats her arm. “At any rate, his injury, like yours, will be a flesh wound. He will recover. But if we’re lucky, he won’t be able to chase us for a while. We need to regroup.”

****

They move to the coast, spending a few weeks in Seattle, then Portland. The crowds pose more of a risk, especially with the Task Force having seen their faces...but they saw a blonde Liz and Red in a dark wig under his hat. 

Though he doubts that will fool them, he can hope.

Urban areas are the better option for now, even with the risks, because the crowds also offer anonymity. People in cities wish to mind their business and be left alone. Because Red can’t postpone it any longer--the endgame is approaching--Dembe joins them in their various apartments.

Red lights up in his company, and Liz laughs more. 

Mr. Kaplan only contacts them by phone; Red invites no one to meet in person. But well-paid colleagues are still picking off Cabal members, now with stealth and finesse. 

“It’s almost time,” Red tells Liz over dinner. They’ve been ordering groceries, grateful that local markets cater to shut-ins and fugitives, and cooking all their meals together instead of taking turns. She insists.

“Time for…”

“The end of it.” He smiles, slow and satisfied.

Liz takes another bite of the French fish dish he suggested they fix that evening, thinking it over. “But we’ve barely gotten started with the Cabal. Red--what exactly is the endgame here? We’ve never talked about it.”

He glances at Dembe, who nods appreciatively over his food, then aims that dangerous smile her way. “You see, Lizzie, it was so up in the air. There really wasn’t much to talk about while we waited to see what needed to be done. We poked holes in their organization. We weakened their trust in each other.”

“And now?”

“Now it has become clear to me that the best way to stop them, to neutralize them, is not to wipe them off the map. It’s to stoke that power vacuum and step into it.”

“Wait.” She raises her hand, letting her fork clatter on the china plate. “You’re telling me that you want to join the people who want me dead? Who tried to have me framed for murder?”

“These are also the people who had me on the run,” he reminds her. “Even before they became a force in your life. Surely, if you’ve learned anything since we met, it’s that the maxim is true: the closer you keep your enemies, the safer you are from their attacks.”

“We’re their enemies, too. Why would they welcome our involvement in their organization? They have us on the run, Red. They’re winning.”

“Are they? Seven of them have died in the last six weeks. Their numbers are many, but not limitless. They’re unwilling to meet in public. And we put their secrets on full display. I think we’re not the only ones on the run.”

“So you propose, what, a truce? An alliance?”

“Oh, heavens, no.” He dabs at his mouth with a cloth napkin. “Those sorts of things require trust. A level of mutual respect that can transcend disagreement. You cannot form an alliance with someone you know will murder you at the earliest opportunity. No, my plan is much more straightforward.”

He stands, holding his hand out for her plate. Liz passes it to him, waiting for further explanation.

“While we’ve been on our own the last few weeks, Mr Kaplan has been using her many skills to gather information. Following leads, hunting down trails I suspected might be fruitful. Thanks to her, and to Dembe--” he toasts his friend with a glass, “the final pieces are in place. Now we make a trade.”

Her hands, no longer busy eating, are free to grip the tablecloth in a moment of sheer blinding terror. Red loves to make these moves behind her back, playing chess and telling her nothing until checkmate. It would be just like him to trade himself for her freedom.

The exact opposite of what she wants, the last thing she will ever agree to. Bold and brave but completely futile--because the second he gives himself up for her, she knows she won’t be able to rest until she gets him back. 

Will they never stop this? Liz wonders, listening to the pounding of her heart as Red pauses long enough to blink at her.

“A trade of information,” he clarifies slowly, watching her with concern. “Lizzie, are you alright? You look...”

She nods, swallowing the taste of fear along with a fair amount of shame for the conclusion she was so ready to believe. It takes her a moment to gather her words. 

“So, you’re going to blackmail them, to give you a seat at the table. And then you’ll...run the table.”

Red’s smug smile wars with lingering worry. “Quite right. You already know that the Cabal runs through governments and militaries and nation-states alike. With the right leverage, I can make their hunt of us a liability that will hurt them far more than any success would ever be worth. I may even be able to get your former position back.”

“It would be nice to no longer be a fugitive,” she agrees. “Buy my own groceries sometimes. It’s impossible to surprise you with a menu when you know everything that arrives on our doorstep.”

“I understand. You’ll be free to buy whatever you like, then. And invite me for dinner, I suppose, if the mood strikes you. I would be amenable to that,” Red says with a more relaxed smile.

He still doesn’t quite get it, Liz knows: that she wants more than separate lives, occasional dinners together or friendly evenings of chatting over wine and poker. Red isn’t fighting her on that front, but he doesn’t see himself in her picture. And if she’s being honest with herself, she knows that could be because she hasn’t yet decided on the specifics of it. 

She knows she wants Red. That part is easy. 

But if what he’s saying is true, that he can use their leverage to clear her name, she will have more choices to make. Harder ones.  She worked her whole life to become an FBI agent, to earn her place as a profiler. She knows it’s something she’s good at. A career she was made for, even. 

But.

And then.

Raymond Reddington in a box. 

She isn’t that person anymore, if she ever really was--the young woman with the loving husband and the dog, nervous about her new desk job working in DC. The edge she lives with now, the side of herself that can hurt and hunt and kill...part of Liz thinks she has always had that darkness. Since she was a child. Maybe she was born with it. 

God knows that despite the blame she’s flung at Red, he isn’t the source of her darker tendencies. He did everything he could to steer her away from being more like him. And with all the harm she caused, her work on the Task Force also helped her save people. 

Liz stills wants to save people. She wants to use her skills for some kind of greater good. But she can’t pretend she’s a paragon of virtue going forward, no matter how clean her record is once Red gets done with it.

Which leaves her where, exactly? 

****

Liz goes with Red to the summit he sets up with the remaining core of the Cabal. She feels useless there, since he also brings a full guard of men armed to the nines. And he certainly doesn’t need her help to negotiate. Yet he insists on inviting her, shaking his head when she questions him. 

“I’d like you with me,” Red says, without explaining further. The understanding that he means it for himself--that he wants her by his side not to protect her, or humor her need to be involved--is a gift. So Liz takes it, and bites down hard on the urge to speak up during the information exchange.

Even if all her presence does is affirm their new unity as a team, she can see the value in that, for their strength in the eyes of the Cabal. Word will spread in the underground Red travels, making its way eventually back to the FBI.

Everyone will know that Red has made a play for greater power, and that Liz was right there with him when it happened. She wonders what her old friends will think: if Samar will understand her choices, if Aram will worry that she didn’t make them freely. If Ressler will get that defeated look in his eyes and consider her a lost cause. 

She can’t blame any of them for their judgments from a distance--they don’t know what she knows. But she’s never felt clearer, not lost but found. The Cabal can be run by people who want her dead for threatening their supremacy, or it can be run by Red. 

Who she trusts to find the right balance between control and domination. Who she knows will keep the rest of the Cabal on a tight leash. 

As Liz sits with him in a glass-and-chrome boardroom, watching the Cabal give him the command he requires, she suspects he’s already seeking out leverage to hold over each member. 

Mr. Kaplan has been hard at work again, coming to their newest safehouse, passing Red messages. Now that he’s busily reining the Cabal in, he and Liz don’t have to move every few days--and his family can visit safely. Dembe stays over for a week, recommending books to Liz and telling her stories about Red when they first met. 

"Don’t believe a word of it,” Red warns her. “This man is a notorious fibber.” But his eyes shine with joy when he looks at the two of them. 

Liz has never seen him so happy. So settled. Power suits him. 

Red finds her in her room one night, strolling casually through the open door. He has learned the hard way that if he tries to return to polite formality, Liz will roll her eyes at him or ask “What are you waiting for, gold filigree?” without looking up from what she’s doing. 

“It took longer than I would have liked,” he says, unprompted. “But it’s finished.”

“What?” She has no idea what he’s talking about, since the Cabal restructuring was completed a week earlier.

“Your record has been erased.”

Liz sets her book down. “My criminal record?”

She’d forgotten Red was even working on that, and she knows she should feel excited. Or relieved. A rush of something should be washing over her. Instead she feels numb. 

“Yes. It’s been fully expunged, as though none of this ever happened."

And there it is, she thinks. That would be why.

“But, Red,” she corrects him gently, “it did happen. Erasing my record can’t take any of it back. I still have to live with it.”

He sighs. “I wish this could be easier, Lizzie, I really do.”

“Well, it’s not.” 

She reaches out and grabs hold of his hand, tugging him over to sit next to her on the bed. “It’s okay that it’s not, though, Red. It really is. I’m okay.”

“Yeah.” She does look okay lately, he has to admit. Red expected this news to bring her peace, but Lizzie seemed content even before it. 

Now she smiles at him, still holding his hand loosely. “Got a minute?”

“Sure.” He turns a little more to face her, giving her his full attention. 

“Since you mentioned it, I’ve been thinking a lot about what comes next for me. All those choices I have now, you know? With a clean slate.”

Red nods. 

“I could go back to working at the FBI. As a profiler. It might take some string-pulling, but you’re good at that.” 

“I’m sensing a ‘but.’”

“That’s because you know me,” Liz says. “The Task Force only existed because you wanted to keep me close and take down the Cabal. Which means there will never be a Task Force again. Not like there was.”

“I know.”

“But even if they’re not hunting me...you cleared my name, Red, not yours. You will have to stay like this, won’t you? In the wind, still a wanted criminal.”

“Yes.” 

That doesn’t bother him; he’s used to his routine. But Red can’t tell what Liz is working towards in her explanation. It worries him.

“So the only way I can have a normal life is if I never see you again.”

“Not never,” he assures her. “You know that I’m capable of moving freely, off the radar of all manner of authorities. We can still...see each other.” Dinners maybe, he thinks. Game nights with Dembe. Arguing over which movie to watch.

“That isn’t going to work for me.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t want a few secret visits a year, Red, while I pretend to be an upstanding FBI agent.”

“I would argue that you wouldn’t be pretending, Lizzie. Even FBI agents are allowed to have friends. Of all stripes.”

“That’s not really the point. With my past already laid bare for the world to see, who would ever let me keep a low profile at a desk again?”

Red frowns, following her logic.

“You can whitewash my record all you want, but my face was on the news. That future is gone. And without you in it, I wouldn’t want it anyway.”

“Well, then. What do you want?”

“I don’t belong at the FBI anymore, but I still have all my training. All my skills. Red--I think we should start our own Blacklist.”

He clears his throat, genuinely surprised. “Our own Blacklist?”

“Yes.” She let go of his hand to gesture with both of hers. “Just think about it. We stopped a lot of terrible people with the Task Force. We could go back to doing that, now that we’re done running. You have your own access, your own connections, and yours are better than the FBI’s a lot of the time.” 

“Lizzie, I understand wanting to help people--I love that about you--but I worked with the Task Force to my own ends. I was never on a crusade to better the world.”

“So? So what if you’re not looking to atone for your sins and make the world better? It can be my crusade. I have my own sins, Red, and I don’t need your reasons to be the same as mine. I’m asking you to work with me anyway, because we’d be good at it.”

Red flexed his empty hand, trying to imagine it. “I suppose I would be your best resource for catching uncatchable criminals.”

“You would. And if we had leads we couldn’t follow up on, I’m pretty sure we could find a way to tip off Samar or Aram, without giving up our locations.”

Liz bit her lower lip while he thought it over. “Well? What do you say?”

“I think it’s a brilliant idea.” 

Red grinned, his smile stretching even wider when she hugged him. “It sounds perfect for your talents--and I can certainly think of some people whose neutralization would improve my hold on the Cabal.”

“See? Win-win.” 

“But, Lizzie...you’re sure this is the path you want to follow? Playing judge and jury, outside the law? It’s not a decision you can take back, once you begin.”

She nods, a firm dip of her chin. “I’m sure. The worst criminals work outside the law, untouchable. You taught me that. Somebody should be responsible for them, and I’m in a unique position to try. Who will do it if I don’t?”

“Okay, then.” Red pats her leg, pleased. “It will be fun to have a reason to work together more closely again. I’ve been so busy restructuring the Cabal lately, I’ve missed you.”

“Me too.” Liz eyes him across the inches that separate them on her bed. “Speaking of that.”

“Hmm?”

“I want to spend more time together.”

He shifts in place. “As I said, I look forward to it. Getting us settled and safe had to take priority, Lizzie, but of course I hope to have more time with you now. We should decide what to make for dinner.”

“No, Red. I don’t mean--” Liz takes a deep breath, trying to figure out how to explain without causing him to withdraw. 

“I love you,” she begins. 

He smiles at her, soft around his eyes. “I love you, too.”

One of the benefits of things settling down has been watching Red get comfortable with her affection. She says the words often, deliberately. Hearing him say them back is nice...but Liz knows he doesn’t mean it the way she does. 

He hears love and thinks family and friendship. And sure, they’re close in that way too, but she keeps saying it and waiting for Red to hear attraction and commitment, and it just doesn’t seem to be happening. 

With Red, blunt often backfires. Half the time, they end up in an argument, even when that isn’t her intention. But being gentle and trying to drop hints has been totally lost on the criminal mastermind she's all but living with.

So, blunt is the only option she has left to try. 

“Red...I’m in love with you.”

“You--what?”

“That’s what I mean when I say I want to spend more time with you. I want to spend it differently; I want to be closer to you. I want to share my life with yours.” She pauses, scared of the look on his face--it’s unfamiliar, and she knows his expressions well. 

“That’s the future I want: hunting Blacklisters, working together when you’re not busy with the Cabal...but also date nights. Early mornings and staying up late. Being together. Getting to a place where I know exactly what I want hasn’t been easy, Red, but I’m there now. I need to know what you want.”

Of all the situations he has tried to be ready for, Red feels shockingly unprepared for this one. 

A small part of him wondered, when she declared that she loved him in Wisconsin, if perhaps she meant it in this way. But he considered that part a traitor, hope running wild. Allowing himself to hope has often been--historically speaking--both foolish and dangerous. 

Lizzie has always been dangerous, because he can’t seem to defend himself against her. That’s what love is--being powerless. 

He loved her even before he walked back into her world; that was a lifetime of fondness mixed with debt and guilt. But it’s different knowing her as the woman she is now. He can’t imagine not loving her...and though he tries not to think about it, he can’t imagine not wanting her.

Admitting that out loud would be a betrayal of all Lizzie could have beyond him, and of the effort he’s expended to hold himself back from her.

“Being with me would make the target on your back infinitely bigger,” he tells her, hoping to walk the line between evasion and lying. “Combining our lives further...would be a terrible idea. Yours has already seen so much darkness, Lizzie. You don’t need to add more of mine.”

She’s patiently listening, though her hands are pressed down into the bed beneath them. He knows she’ll push back; he isn’t done.

“I need you to really think about what you’re saying. Lizzie, I know you’re a good person. In a way that I’m not. The idea that you and I could--” 

He swallows. “Have dates, or some sort of uncomplicated life, be a couple. It seems unrealistic given what I am, and who you are. You can love me and still keep yourself safe, keep a distance.”

“Reddington, I have no interest in keeping a distance. I’m trying to tell you that.”

Liz reaches up to touch his cheek. “I want less distance. I want you.”

“I will always choose you, no matter the harm to others,” Red explains. “Anyone who is a threat, even those you care about--it will always be that simple for me. I don’t have room for your morality.”

“I know.”

“How can you sit here and say that doesn’t matter to you?”

“Because it used to.”

Liz nods at the way he leans back. “I used to worry, a lot, about the way I felt pulled to you. Knowing everything you are, I worried what it said about me. Because it didn’t bother me--because I don’t care. Not the way I thought I should...the way a good person would.”

“The truth is, Red, I’ve made peace with it. I know you’re not a monster, no matter how often I used to throw that word at you. I know it because I’ve seen the real monsters. The people we caught, they were greedy and twisted and cruel. They were evil. But you’re not them.”

What’s coming next feels inevitable to Red. He can sense it, see it in her eyes. Evasion won’t be enough to save him. Nothing can save him. Salvation was never within his reach.

Sinning, though, he is well familiar with. Give me my sin again, he thinks foolishly, as yearning dislodges errant Shakespeare from the recesses of his mind.

"You don’t kill for pleasure, or entertainment. You’re willing to do whatever you have to, to protect others or save yourself. And we don’t have to have that in common for me to understand it.”

“I understand you,” Liz tells him. “Which is why I know as well as you do, you never answered my actual question. I did not ask you for a list of reasons why I should run for the hills rather than be with you. I asked what you want.”

She says it as though it’s a simple question. It’s probably the most difficult one he’s ever tried to answer.

“Forget the Cabal for a minute,” she offers. “Forget all our other enemies, including my old employers. Forget our complicated history, and think about the future. Yours and mine. What do you see?”

“Lizzie...”

“The manhunt is over,” she says, gazing into his guarded eyes. “It’s just us now. Here, in this moment, it’s only you and me. So tell me, Red...what do you really want?”

You. 

He watches her as she approaches, and doesn’t react at all when her lips meet his. It would be the easiest thing in the world to give in. That’s what scares him. 

When she finds herself kissing a statue of the Concierge of Crime, Liz hums a little in her throat and retreats, studying Red.

They’ve come so far from where they started; he’s not a mystery to her anymore. 

She can read his tensed muscles, coiled so tight he seems like he’ll shatter if pushed. A pulse is jumping along the column of his throat. His hands are motionless on the bedspread, but she sees the tips of his fingers curling into the material–gripping ever so subtly.

Raymond Reddington is holding onto himself for dear life, and that tells her two very important things. First, that he desperately wants to avoid touching her back…and second, that he has to stop himself from doing so with visible effort.

Which means that he wants his hands, and mouth, and skin, on hers more than anything in the world, but will not allow himself the satisfaction.

Liz smiles.

She can work with that.

[dimancheetoile]

i’ll battle your battles until we win them together

written for @shikasaku-week

Day 3: and we dreamed in purples so i took this prompt to mean something like hope, and dreams of a better future, which is what i tried to incorporate in this story. i'm sorry it's out so long after shikasaku week ended, but i fought it every step of the way and now it's here and i'm very proud of it. so there you go! there is mentions of someone killing themselves after years of depression and self-harm. nothing is described, there are no details, it's only a character recollecting what happened in their head. so stay safe!

Read on AO3

-------------------

The rush hour is over. Shikamaru takes off his apron, folding it neatly before storing it behind the counter. He makes himself a large coffee and waves at his brother, wiping off a table further into the room. Chōji answers with a bright smile and a mouthed “thank you”. Sighing quietly, Shikamaru cracks his neck, stretching his whole body slowly. He grabs his coffee and goes to the other side of the room where a large curtain cuts the room in half.

Going through, he gets to his side of the shop, that he left in Ino' competent hands while he helped Chōji during the morning rush like he does on the days Mirai has off. They work as both a barista in Chōji's bakery and as a cashier and sorter in Shikamaru's bookshop. Ino has her own assistant, technically her apprentice, Hinata. Their system works well, and InoShikaChō's Lair is one of the most successful businesses in town.

Their shop is right in front of Konoha's third largest college, UK3, the Arts and Human Sciences University, and its 70,000 students make for an amazing clientele. On top of that, a block away from them, is the second largest, UK2, the Sciences and Computer Studies University. They are far from going out of bushiness.

The library/bookshop side has both books for sale and a large half of the room where books are available for free for the students coming in to study. There are single tables, group tables, computers and even two small rooms to study privately. Wi-Fi is unlimited if you buy anything from either Ino's or Chōji's sides, you can bring your books in Chōji's bakery and stuff to eat in Shikamaru's library, and they have a customer card for students coming in often. All in all, it works, and this year, they're making profit for the first time in the six years since they've opened.

They have their recurring customers, their favourites, and with how often they get students, they're starting to recognize all the faces coming in. usually, the oldest they get are in their early twenties and they easily spot whenever they get someone older. That's what being next to two universities mean. They almost never get people over twenty-five. Which is why they would have spotted the newcomer immediately simply because she looks about their age, closer to her mid-thirties than undergraduate.

But they didn't need to notice her age. It's not possible to miss when someone comes in using a cane to help with the metal prosthetic right leg, and the green cardigan wrapped around a right side stopping at the shoulder joint, the entire right arm missing.

Shikamaru has to kick himself mentally to stop staring. The new customer is deathly pale, cheeks gaunt and dark circles under eyes that are cast downward in the universal sign for shame. Her sunflower dress clings to a toned waist, making obvious the muscles in her torso, her broad shoulders and muscled arm. Her left leg is stable on the ground, her calf chiseled as well.

Her bowed head almost makes Shikamaru miss the large burns on her right cheek, coming up to her milky, unfocused eye and ending on her temple. Swallowing the surge of almost pervert curiosity, he fixes a welcoming smile on his face and waits to see if the woman will browse the bookshop shelves, the library bookcases or go to the computers. Mirai is sorting new arrivals, having come in as Shikamaru finished with Chōji, and they're filling the slowly growing poetry section. They're watching what the woman will do, but she's standing unmoving in the middle of the room, looking lost and increasingly distraught.

On instinct, Shikamaru grabs his still full cup and hurries to the woman's side. She doesn't look at him, which only serves to make him worry more. Gently, he puts a hand on her shoulder, talking in a low voice.

“Hello, ma'am. Can I help you with anything? Would you like some coffee?”

She looks at him with wild eyes, startles but not jumping at his touch. She nods silently and take a small sip of his coffee before cleaning her throat.

“Hi, I'm sorry about this.”

“No, don't worry, it's alright. What are you looking for?”

“I was wondering—” again, she has to clear her throat, her voice still rough. “I was hoping you could show me books on meditation. Do you have anything like that?”

Glad to have something to do besides standing there like a worried chick, he nods and points toward the self-care section.

“I'll show you what we have. Would you like to come with me or sit down at a table on the bakery side, and I'll bring you what I can find?”

She nods again. “Yeah, I'll— I'll do that.”

Slowly, she walks up to the curtain where a sign leads to Chōji's side and Shikamaru wills himself to get moving and bring her what she came her for. Not on his watch will someone who so obviously needs some help and kindness not find it in their Lair.

He browses through their shelves, picking up meditation books like she asks, and on a whim, adds a book on social anxiety and one about therapy. Maybe she won't need it (though she does look like she could use them) but she doesn't seem like someone who would take offence at being offered the options.

Grabbing a notebook and a pen from the stack he keeps behind his deck for the students, he goes through the curtain and quickly scans the room to find her sitting down in a corner, watching the room with hunched shoulders. There is a steaming cup in front of her and a piece of carrot cake, but still more than enough room for the small stack of books he's bringing her.

Shikamaru plasters a confident smile on his face to make up for his beating heart and approaches her. He has never stressed like that at the idea of interacting with a customer but he could so easily fuck this up that he can feel the sweat gathering at the back of his neck. As patronizing as he knows it sounds, Shikamaru can almost touch how much courage it took her to come into their shop, and he'll be damned if it's not rewarded in the best way he's capable.

And after that, he's taking a nap. There is only so much anxiety he can take in one sitting, and between the woman and him, he might as well be saturated with tension.

“Hey,” he says softly, hoping not to scare her. She barely jumps, which he privately counts as a win. “I've got the books I mentioned, I found a bit of everything. I also brought a pen and some paper, in case you'd like to take notes.”

She listens to him with rapt attention, only serving to increase his unease, knowing something is wrong and not being able to fix it.

“We're open all day long and we close at 9,” he continues. “If you need anything, you ask Mirai, they're the one with the black hair and green sweater sorting books. And I'm also available for any question or recommendation, alright?” He feels stupid, talking to her like a child, but he's completely out of his depth. “All the books I've brought you are in our inventory, so if you want to keep any of them, you can either get a card for the shop and borrow them for two weeks, or you can buy them. Go to the desk when you want to leave and we'll handle it together, okay?”

She nods, her short hair bobbing along with the movement. She's beautiful, he can't help but think, noticing her freckles and the nice curve of her jaw, the hard muscles underneath her skin.

He admires her more than anything, Shikamaru ponders, because it's obvious what happened to her ; and yet she put on a yellow dress with sunflowers growing from the bottom hem and circling her waist, the least discreet clothing she could have picked, and her hair is dyed a pale pink, almost pastel, and as lovely as the colour is, it only brings more attention to the angry burns on her cheek and the melted corner of her mouth, her closed nostril where the skin was destroyed, and the white, unseeing eye.

She chose all of that, she went out without being ashamed of her wounds and scars and missing limbs and cane, her broad shoulders standing straight. It's only as soon as someone talks to her, tries to interact, that she curls back into a shell of jumpiness and anxiety Shikamaru only knows too well. He's read a number of books on the subject, after his old Literature teacher and family friend, Asuma, killed himself.

Before teaching in the university Shikamaru attended, Asuma was a Lieutenant who had a ten-year long career before going back to his first love and starting his teaching again. Shikamaru saw him often, being both a neighbour and a dear friend to his father. The Yūhi family was invited often in the Nara home, with Kurenai being a foster child and Asuma having been disowned by his own family, making them and their baby Mirai a welcome sight at their table.

Then Shikamaru had graduated, worked a couple of months for a newspaper to earn some money that he put with Ino's and Chōji's saving. They opened the Lair together and everything was good for a while. But the changes in Asuma were unmistakable, until he was finally diagnosed with PTSD, paranoia and social anxiety. It all quickly escalated until Asuma could add depression on top, and at that point he had a breakdown. He suddenly needed to seek adrenaline, action. In secret, he joined a group, maybe a gang, that he was introduced to by another veteran, Hidan.

He put himself in more and more dangerous situations, and Shikamaru, not knowing what to do and panicking, turned to the books that never let him down to read all he could on the condition of his teacher and friend, pouring hours upon hours into his research. But Asuma kept going, until Kurenai confronted him with an ultimatum that put a brutal stop to his nightly outings.

They all thought things were better. He told them so. That he was okay. That he didn't crave the danger anymore. But in reality, not only was he hurting himself, but he was desperate at the idea of not doing things anymore, and just as terrified of losing his wife and child. The dilemma was ultimately too much and four years ago, Asuma took his own life.

The shock for all had been cataclysmic, no one understanding why he had done it, how it could have gone so bad without anyone realizing. So Shikamaru read, and read some more, hoping to find an answer to his grief and his guilt. He didn't. He just learned to grow with it, and gained an impressive theoretic baggage in psychology of war veterans. They hired Mirai, after they expressed not knowing what to do with their life and going crazy in their silent home, and here they are now. All of them working together in the shop they've dreamed off, slowly moving on with their life. And with a bonus probable war veteran looking to start meditating.

Why not.

In the next hour, Shikamaru does his best to ignore the woman's presence, with varying degrees of success. She's going through the books he's brought her at an impressing speed, taking rigorous notes and mouthing words he can't hear from afar. As she notices more and more that no one is paying attention to her, she seems to relax, sneaking looks here and there, until she crosses Shikamaru's eyes and ducks her head as quick as she's able.

From time to time, she orders a new cup of coffee, or a slice of Victoria cake, at one point even a pot of ginger tea with a full plate of scones and clotted cream. On her first re-order, she painstakingly stood up, dragging herself to the counter with the most tragic look on her face under Chōji's horrified stare. After that painful experience for all, Shikamaru's brother is keeping tabs on her, noticing when she raises a timid hand and going to ask what he can bring her. She's not even hiding how relieved that makes her feel and Shikamaru takes pride in the idea that maybe it's their place that's making her feel comfortable enough to accept the help.

After a while, he gets caught in the cycle of new customers, purchasing or borrowing books, recommending his most cherished ones when people are just coming in to spend a nice time inside. Ino brings him a cup of herbal tea she's making herself, to get his opinion on her new blend, and he brings a full page of orders for Chōji to sign some time later. He doesn't see the clock ticking and even ends up forgetting about the woman, steadily making her way through the stack of books.

Shikamaru eventually looks up and suddenly it's already time for his lunch break. It's the one time all three of them gets to spend together during the work day and they try as hard as they can not to miss it. They leave Mirai and Hinata in charge of the store and go to their table, in the corner of Chōji's bakery side. The table has a permanent “Booked” sign on it if one of them wants some time away from their respective counter or, in Shikamaru's case, a space to enjoy food or drinks that won't put his books at risk.

Chōji has already laid out their meal when Ino and Shikamaru sit down, in a relaxed conversation about the renewed interest for gardening the twenty-something seem to have taken. Shikamaru's brother lets them have their fun, splitting the food between the three of them and handing them cutlery. As he finishes pouring some ginger beer in each of their glasses, steps get closer to their table with a weird lingering sound to it. Startled out of their routine, given that their customers all know to leave the shop owners and the forty-five minutes they take to eat unbothered, all three of them look up.

Shikamaru curses himself, mortified at having forgotten their unusual visitor and he can see, from the corner of his eye, Chōji's stiffening shoulders. His brother hates making people's lives difficult and he probably had enjoyed helping the woman when she asked for his attention.

She's standing, a bit unsteady on her prosthetic because of the amount of things she's carrying. She has all of Shikamaru's books balanced on her remaining forearm, a paper bag displaying the Lair's logo hanging from her wrist. With all this, Shikamaru notices right away that she isn't using her cane, making both her ability to stand and his ability to feel even more guilty, impressive.

Scrambling up, he immediately offers to take the books for her while Ino quietly sneaks behind them to grab the cane she left at her table and giving it back in a matter of seconds.

“Oh, thank you,” the woman says quietly, blushing faintly.

“It's really nothing,” Ino smiles, sitting back down and looking away to give the woman the sense that she isn't being stared at.

“I apologize,” Chōji says, looking truly distraught. “I should have made sure you'd be alright.”

“No, please, it's okay,” she replies right away. “You have a lovely cashier who made sure I'd be alright as soon as you left to get lunch. They brought me the menu and I purchased some food to go. I'm alright, really.” The dust of pink on her cheeks is unmistakable and Shikamaru hates it, hates that she feels embarrassed by something as mundane as getting food for lunch.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” he asks, biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from apologizing as well. He's sure it would do no good. “I can ring those books for you if you'd like, or write you a come-back card if you'd rather borrow them.”

She looks down to her mismatched feet, increasing Shikamaru's unease at her own discomfort. “Yes, I— can you, could you...”

Shikamaru rushes to nod, feeling like he understands what she's saying despite everything. She nods as well in response, both looking at each other with matching strange expressions until Chōji pokes his brother in the thigh, seemingly waking him up. He jerks his head towards the curtain in an inviting manner and finds an eerie sense of happiness in realizing he doesn't have to slow down his usual slouch to match the slow pace of the woman. There is something he finds comforting in seeing himself walk side by side with her without having to pretend.

They reach the counter on his side, blessedly empty with Mirai mostly standing in for Chōji during lunchtime. Shikamaru sets down the woman's books between the two of them, taking out a card for her to fill in her information.

She does so with an absent-minded expression, looking up at him briefly before focusing on the card again, her voice rising up barely in the noisy shop.

“I don't know if you realize what you did for me today,” she half-whispers. Her voice is more assured than he's heard it all morning, though nothing close to confident. “No one time did you treat me differently, or like I was helpless. You gave me attention without treating me like a child, helped me only when it was clear I couldn't do it myself.”

She looks up, sliding the card across until it touches his hand. In a daze, he lays trembling fingers on the paper, staring at her, a counter and a world separating (or joining) them. Her own fingers are still on the card, a dice of space between her and his hand.

“I haven't gone out of my house in fourteen months.”

Shikamaru holds his breath, his eyes burning shapes of understanding into hers. The Earth-Fire war ended fourteen months ago by the recall of Earther troops from Fire Country territory. No one had won the eleven-year long conflict, the end of it only signed by the lack of resources to continue it on both side, soldiers dying too fast to be replaced by the shrinking number of volunteers enlisting in either armies. Once the specialists had predicted a shortage of wood coming if the war didn't stop, both sides agreed to a cease-fire. Fourteen months later, the peace still isn't technically signed.

“I've been terrified of the smell of cooked meat. There are food trucks in almost every corner of Konoha, except here.” She sounds so relieved that Shikamaru's eyes water without his control. “You don't even serve meat,” she says, her voice cracking on the last word.

In a rush, Shikamaru sees flashes of their meetings in Choji's kitchen, trying out dishes and deciding on what he'd offer for the morning breakfasts and for lunch and what would be taken to go. He remembers himself, so young and terrified of all that could go wrong with their shop, with little money to spare on anything unnessecary. Suggesting that maybe, in the first few years, they stick to a vegetarian menu, to cut on expanses.

Then, as years went by, realizing how appreciated their pant-based dishes were, in a city known for its beef. Hearing from people who aren't vegetarians, telling them after ordering an omelette that they had a good time and they didn't think there was something a little less restrictive than veganism.

He sees all that in flashes superposing with the woman's pale face, pain obvious in the lines of her skin.

“Can I give you a hug?” His rushed words come crashing down in the sudden silence between them, terrifying in their heaviness.

He stops breathing, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage. He feels fear, profound and new, years of nonchalance and laziness breaking in the face of true pain, on a face he could be seeing every morning in the mirror, with their matching age lines beginning to appear, the same number of years etched into their Identity Book a startling similarity disproved by the century-old look in her tired, mismatched eyes. They're the same age and nothing could make them more different and yet—

Her voice breaks as she says Yes.

He stumbles from behind the counter, shaking from nerves and fear, a sort of breathlessness he hasn't felt once in his life. He doesn't know what's happening. He doesn't feel his arms opening, in a daze, until she falls against him and he realizes she's a thumb taller than him and finally, her head is in the curve of his neck, her harsh breathing pooling against his throat.

She's shaking. He can see it, feel it, when he closes her eyes and pulls her tighter against him.

“It'll be okay,” he whispers against her hair, feeling the absence of her right arm and compensating for it instinctively. “It's gonna be okay.” He's humming, he doesn't know what, but it makes her try to bury herself deeper into the hug, like she's trying to disappear.

He doesn't know what's happening.

He doesn't think he'd want it to happen any other way.

A few, long minutes later, he shows her to the door, still feeling unsteady inside, still unsure of what happened, of why he did that, him, so far from being social, tactile.

She turns around to look at him, standing in the street of a city hostile to her, looking up at a place that was her safe haven for a few hours. She finds his eyes and doesn't look away. He feels that something should be said, that they can't go like this, move on with their lives without... something.

“Thank you,” she says quietly, never looking away even when people have to walk around her on the pavement.

“You're welcome,” he says in the same voice. Then, as if stolen from his throat, “Will you come again?”

A small smile on her face, easing the exhaustion and the pain for a second. “I'd love to, Shikamaru.”

He returns her smile, thrilled for a reason he doesn't understand that she looked at the sign inside the Lair and figured out which one of the three he is.

She looks away, severing something that tugs painfully in his chest. His heart is beating fast.

“Can I have your name?”

She smiles wider, when she turns back to him. “Fleet Admiral Haruno Sakura. It was so nice to meet you.”

He watches her leave, speechless, all the facts he knows about her bombarding his brain. Commander Haruno, who liberated the Kiri province in Water Country with her fleet of fifteen ships, loosing every single one of them in the process. Commander Haruno, declared MIA at the end of the Earth-Fire War, after her ship, the Seventh Titan, left the province liberated from Earthern troupes and made its way back to Fire Country without her.

He didn't recognize her, because every photo he's seen has her in her uniform, red hair pulled back into a tight bun, standing in front of the Fire flag. Pastel pink hair and milky, blind eye seem to be new additions, as well as her title, the highest in the Fire Navy.

Fleet Admiral Haruno, found again, and hiding away in their shop. Hiding from a world that took everything from her and then some, after she protected it with everything she had.

Shikamaru looks back to the street where she disappeared.

She can come back any time she likes. It's their turn to protect her from the shitty world. It's his turn.

[isidar-mithrim]

Moving on

It’s the summer after the war, and Minerva invites Neville for tea. He goes there sure she just wants to know how he’s doing, unaware that she’s about to change his life.

{Third installment of the ‘Have a biscuit’ series, but it can be read independently}

[Read the first and second story - ‘Falling down’ and ‘Standing up’ - on tumblr] - [Read ‘Moving on’ on Ao3]

____________________________________

{Have a biscuit}

Moving On

Minerva heard a light knock and raised her eyes to find Neville Longbottom standing at her doorstep.

“Hello?”

“Oh, there you are,” she said with delight, gesturing at the comfy chair before her desk. “It’s a pleasure to see you.”

“You too, professor,” he smiled.

He entered and looked around the circular room, his gaze falling immediately on the sword beneath the glass cage. “You put it back,” he said, taking few steps towards and watching it intently.

“I’d rather say I put it back where it belongs,” she said with fierce. “I can’t express how proud I am that the Sorting Hat offered the Gryffindor’s sword to two of my students.”

He smiled sheepishly, his cheeks blushing, and if she hadn’t knew him so well she would have found hard to believe he was the same boy that had stood up against Voldemort himself.

“Do you know that for a time I was convinced the Sorting Hat did a mistake, sending me to Gryffindor? I think my gran didn’t even believe me, at the beginning.”

“I’m sure she did,” lied Minerva, recalling very well how outraged she’d felt on his behalf when Augusta had wrote her to ask for confirmation.

Longbottom let his gaze wander upon the portraits on the walls, and she took the chance to glance at Dumbledore’s, meeting his piercing blue eyes.

“You haven’t changed much around here, since Snape,” commented Longbottom, taking a sit on the comfy chair before her desk.

“No, I haven’t. I reckon I share his will to keep it as professor Dumbledore had.”

“Oh... I’ve never been here before Snape. I didn’t know he kept it the same.”

“Well, I suppose now I finally understand why. I've always wondered…” She sighed. “I ended up thinking it was his twisted way to remind everyone who had sat here the year before, and why he wasn’t there anymore... I should have seen the truth.”

“You couldn’t know, professor. Even Voldemort himself didn’t see past the ruse.”

She winced, hating how much power that name still held on her.

“I was supposed to know him better. I should have noticed the clues. Do you know that professor Snape sent the Carrows to my classroom, when they were looking for you?”

Longbottom nodded. “Seamus told me. It didn’t make much sense back then, did it? How could have he missed that I didn’t take Transfiguration anymore?”

“It was indeed quite odd,” agreed Minerva, her mind going back to the terrifying day she’d feared for Neville’s life.

“I think he could see the Room of Requirement too, you know? At the beginning I just needed to keep the Carrows and their supporters out, that’s why you could see the door and they couldn’t, but maybe Snape had seen it too, and had lied to protect me.”

Minerva had never thought about it, but now that Longbottom had pointed it out, it seemed indeed quite plausible. “You know, I reckon you might be right.” She took a deep breath. “It would have been a great relief to know he was on our side, during those dark times.”

“Well, better late than never. At least now we know, and we can tell people the truth.”

“I’m afraid it won’t be that easy to clear his name at the eyes of the students, despite Potter declarations. The governors didn’t even accept my request to have his portrait made, so far.”

“We heard, but don’t worry, Dean and Luna’s will look great, Harry will make sure of it.”

Minerva raised her eyebrows. “They’re making a portrait of professor Snape?”

All of a sudden, Longbottom’s eyes widened in horror. “Shit,” he mumbled, and Minerva blinked, so bewildered by his cursing that she didn’t even find the wit to scowl at him.

“Er... I... well, er… I forgot it was supposed to be a surprise… Like a gift for the new term, you know… from the D.A.”

Minerva couldn’t believe her ears. She was touched at the thought several pupils had gathered together to do something for Severus, the same teacher that had mistreated them for years even before last term, the same teacher that once had been Longbottom’s own Boggart.  

“Harry’s gonna kill me…” he mumbled.

The mere idea was so ridiculously amusing that Minerva instantly regained her spirit. “I’d be more worried about Miss Weasley’s Bat-Bogey Hex, if I were you,” she said with mirth, making Longbottom chuckle. “And anyway, I reckon this could remain our little secret. I promise I’ll look extremely surprised when the time will come. Now, shall we have the tea I invited you for?” she asked, waving her wand. In an instant, a plate of pastries appeared on her desk, alongside a steamy kettle, a selection of tea leaves, two cups, milk and sugar.

Minerva poured the water in the cups and made tea for both. It was nice to do something so mundane with a former student.

“I was surprised you made it in time,” she said when they were sipping their tea. “I heard you’ve quite a work load.”

“Yeah, we do. It’s not as crazy as the first weeks anymore, but I had to ask Ron to cover for me – for the record, he reckons Harry will be jealous he didn’t get an invitation as well,” said Longbottom with a grin. “I think Ron plans to tease him endlessly.”

Minerva bit back a smile. “I shall hope Potter is well aware he’s welcome to join me for tea whenever he likes, as all my students.”

“I’d be careful with this kind of offer, professor,” said Longbottom with amusement, picking another pastry. “Harry and Ron might make a habit of it if they’ll realise it’s the perfect excuse to meet their girlfriends anytime they want.”

This time she couldn’t hold back her smile. “I suppose I’ll have to make sure they won’t take too many liberties, then. Another responsibility on my shoulders, as if being Headmistress and Head of Gryffindor isn’t already enough.”

“Wait, does that mean you’ve found a new Transfiguration teacher?” asked Longbottom with curiosity.

“I have. She’s a bright woman, an old student of mine. She’ll need a bit of time to adjust, of course, but I’ll be there to guide her, especially with the N.E.W.T.s classes, maybe even the fifth year. I think she’ll be a good teacher, but, most importantly, I trust her to treat the students well,” she said, looking Longbottom in the eyes while taking a sip of tea.

He nodded. “Yeah, I agree, that’s the most important thing. Have you found a new Defense Against the Dark Art teacher too?”

“Not yet, I’m afraid. Auror Dawlish applied, but –”

“Dawlish?!” exclaimed Longbottom, his eyes wide in bewilderment.

“But, I declined his offer,” she said with a firm tone.

Longbottom relaxed on his chair, the backrest cushion sagging under his weight. “I didn’t know he was considering leaving the Aurors, but I guess he’s not very well-liked in the office at the moment…”

“One reason more not to have him at Hogwarts, then.”

Longbottom nodded again, and she felt oddly pleased by his approval.

The were quiet for a bit, drinking tea and eating pastries, when Longbottom frowned.

“Can’t the new Transfiguration teacher give you a hand with Head of House duty? I mean, I know it’s her first experience and all, but she can learn from you, can’t she?”

He shrugged, and Minerva felt secretly smug because he still didn’t suspect the true reason she’d called him.

“It’d be the perfect solution, if it weren’t for the fact she’s a Ravenclaw. I don’t have any other major teacher from Gryffindor, so far, and I would consider myself very lucky to find a good D.A.D.A. teacher who also happens to be a Gryffindor. I’ve thought about Hagrid, even if his class is optional and doesn’t start before the third year, but to be completely frank I don’t see him becoming full time Head of Gryffindor anytime soon.”

Longbottom looked surprised by her bluntness. “Well... I reckon I can’t really imagine him giving career advice…” he agreed eventually.

“No, I’m afraid not. And speaking of career advice, I was meaning to tell you that these days I found myself thinking about yours more than once.”

“You did?” asked Longbottom, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

She gave him a curt nod. “I realised that unlike Weasley and Potter, you’d never expressed the wish to become an Auror, back then.”

“Oh... I... no, I guess I didn’t…”

“I remembered being surprised by it, because I’d expected you would have want to follow your parents steps – if not on your own will, at least under your grandmother’s pressure.”

She also remembered carefully avoiding the topic, because at the time she had been positive Longbottom would have never been able to get enough O.W.L.s.

Because deep down, she’d believed he’d never made a good Auror.

She’d rarely been so utterly wrong.

“I… It’s not that I didn’t want to…” said Neville, fidgeting with his cup. “It’s just... There was no point to tell you, since I thought I had no chance to become one…”

Minerva didn’t comment on it, but she was ready to bet Augusta had probably belittled him because of his low marks.

She looked at him for a long moment, then she opened her drawer and took out her tartan tin.

“Have a biscuit.”

“A biscuit?” he asked astonished, his gaze falling on the half-empty plate of pastries.

“Just indulge me, Longbottom,” she said sternly, pushing the box closer to him. He smiled sheepishly, taking a Ginger Newt.

“I should have asked you if you’d dreamed of being an Auror. I should have offered you my support, if that was the case, and fought for you as I did for Potter. Maybe you would have never got enough O.W.L.s anyway, but at least you’d have tried.”

Neville was looking at her with wide eyes, a Ginger Newt in his right hand, forgotten.

“And yet... now that you are an Auror I found myself wondering... is it what you really want?”

Longbottom swallowed, then he remembered his half-eaten Ginger Newt and shoved it into his mouth, chewing slowly. “It’s good to feel useful,” he said eventually.

“It is,” she agreed. “But I can’t help asking... are you doing it because it’s what you love, or because you feel you have to?”

She could tell he was taken aback her words even before he spoke.

“I… they… they asked me to help…”

“Of course they did. You’re a talented, trustworthy young man that proved his worth more time than I can count,” she said, gesturing towards the sword. “But I think it’s time for you to choose your own path, no matter what you think you have to do – no matter what you believe would make your grandmother proudest. It’s your life, Neville. You fought bravely for it, and if being an Auror it’s your dream, then go for it. But if you’re doing it for some kind of obligation, well... then I want you to know you have another choice.”

“Another choice?” he asked, frowning.

“I heard professor Sprout was very pleased with your Herbology N.E.W.T, the other day.”

Neville stilled with his cup lifted in midair, and she wondered if he’d guessed her point.

“It must have been hard getting ready for it while working as an Auror.”

“Oh... well, a bit, yeah,” he said with modesty. “But it wasn’t like... like doing proper homework. I love Herbology. I... it helps me not to think about work, when I get home.”

A moment later he seemed to realise the deeper meaning of his own words, and he hastily took another Ginger Newt, his gaze lowered on the wooden desk.

“I reckon Herbology could be your job, if you wanted it,” said Minerva after he’d swallowed.

Longbottom jerked his head up, looking at her with wide eyes.

“I assume you’re aware that professor Sprout hasn’t been in her best shape since the Battle, correct?”

Longbottom nodded, wary.

“Well, you’d be glad to hear that despite that, she expressed her desire to stay at Hogwarts to help. It’s very generous of her, and I can’t say how relieved I am that she doesn’t want to retire all together, especially since the staff will be so heavily renewed, and especially after the year we’ve been through, but I’m afraid she won’t be able to cover all her previous duties. I suggested she might teach the current last three years classes and keep her role as Head of Hufflepuff, while delegating to an assistant the first four years and the majority of the work in the greenhouse. I’m happy to say Pomona was thrilled by the idea, and that she made your name for the job.”

Longbottom was looking at her with even wider eyes, positively stunned. “My name?”

“As I told you, we’re looking for people with expertise, but also trustworthy and able to connect with the students. I reckon you splendidly fit all the criteria.”

“But I... I’m no expert... I... I’ve never taught anybody, I don’t…”

“Professor Sprout will train you, and she believes you’re up to the task. In addition, as we’ve already discussed I really wouldn’t mind a hand with my Head of House duties,” said Minerva, enjoying Longbottom’s bewildered expression. “Not to mention that I can only be Head of Gryffindor temporarily, considering I’m the Headmistress as well. Yes, the governors granted me a derogation, under the circumstances, but I’d reckon you could assist me with the time being, taking over in a couple of years.”

Longbottom looked more incredulous at every word.

“You want me to become Head of Gryffindor?”

Minerva’s lips twitched. She was amazed by the fact that the young man in front of her still couldn’t see how worthy he was, even after all the things he’d been through – all the things he’d proved.

“I can hardly think of someone more fitting than the person who was gifted with Godric Gryffindor’s sword, a person able to lead, inspire and respect the other students.”

Longbottom swallowed, clearly overwhelmed. “I…”

She raised a hand, cutting him off. “You don’t have to give me an answer right now. Take your time to consider it. I can assure you that you would be as useful here as in the Aurors, even if in different ways, but I won’t hold any grudge if you decide to keep your actual job. Just know that it’d mean a lot to the pupils to have you. And in truth, it would be a great honor for me as well.”

***

On September the First, Neville found a present above the desk of his new office, a little parchment laid upon it.

Good luck, it said.

It wasn’t signed, but when Neville unwrapped it and found a tartan tin of Ginger Newt, he immediately knew who’d sent it.

[trueneutralrants]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power and How it Handled Shadow Weaver

I want to talk about She-ra. 

She-ra and the Princesses of Power is a 5 season Netflix cartoon that premiered in November of 2018, and finished it’s 5th and final season barely a year and a half later in May of this year. The final season was extremely well received, due to its strong emotional theme, well-explained complex topics, and the resolution and redemption of one of it’s strongest characters, Catra.

But the show did not hit only home runs, especially in regard to the strong narative of abuse that had been built up in previous seasons, and that's what I'm here to talk about today.

Let's talk about how to write abusive characters in fiction, and more specifically, how She-ra failed in regard to some of those characters.

Now before I get father into this, I want to just say that the final season of She-ra was, in my opinion, a fantastic end to a wonderful series. The amount of good that show did far outweighed any gripes I have with the show itself, and I honestly think it's a wonderful piece of media, albeit one with some missed opportunities.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand.

She-ra is a very personal, character-driven show, with a strong emphasis on the cycle of abuse, and breaking free of said cycle. This is most strongly presented with the character of Shadow Weaver, the mother figure to the 2 main characters, Adora and Catra. Shadow Weaver is emotionally abusive to the both of them, but obviously hold Adora in higher regard than Catra, and gaslights and manipulates Adora significantly more, keeping Catra in check through physical and emotional abuse, while manipulating Adora into believing it is her duty to carry the responsibility for the both of them. If Catra is abused, it is Adora’s fault for not being better.

That’s the set up for the characters, and shapes both Catra and Adora’s actions throughout the series.

In the first season, we see Adora break free from the Horde after realizing that she is on the wrong side of the war, finding friends who she can depend on. She’s even shown an example of a healthy, non-abusive relationship in Glimmer and Angella. On the other side of the war, Catra stays with her abuser, Shadow Weaver. This shapes the conflict between Adora and Catra, as well as Catra’s motivations to take over the Horde., being that since Shadow Weaver has always lusted after power, Catra sees taking power as her only way to ‘best’ her, while still craving Shadow Weaver’s affection. This leads to Catra verbally and emotionally abusing others, most notably Scorpia.

So many of the most toxic behaviors in both Adora and Catra were learned from Shadow Weaver’s upbringing, and throughout the series, we see them struggle to undo what Shadow Weaver ingrained in them. 

But what is Shadow Weaver’s motivations for her actions, her abuse? Is she pure evil? Is it a misplaced sense of responsibility? Part of a scheme?

We know a few things about Shadow Weaver. First, she has always lusted over power. Second, she was once a magician at Mystacor, then fled to the horde when her lust of power led to her exile. Third, she has very little sense of loyalty, going wherever she feels she will be safest or in the highest position of power. She fled to the Horde after Mystacor because she knew she could gain power and influence there as Hordak’s second-in-command. She fled to Bright Moon after the Horde threatened to send her to Beast Island because she knew she could gain a foothold there manipulating Adora, and later, Glimmer. Fourth, she holds the emotions of others in very little regard unless it directly benefits her. 

So hypothetically, someone who has always put herself first, has always lusted after power and has no problem manipulating and abusing people, including children, for her own benefit is put in a situation where the side she is on is at an extreme disadvantage, as it looks near hopeless. Like, say, fighting a galactic emperor with millions of soldier clones. 

How do you redeem a character when the obvious course of action for that character is to jump ship and save herself?

Before I go into how, I should warn any of the 6 people who’ve watched both She-ra and The Promised Neverland that this next section will include spoilers for the first season of the anime.

Meet Mama Isabella. A selfish, abusive mother figure who manipulates and gaslights all the children under her care, essentially selling the children under her care to demons who kill and eat them. She emotionally abuses Ray, her biological son and the one child who discovers the plot, using him as a spy under constant threat of being ‘shipped out’ or killed and served to the demons. Ray grows up watching the other kids live peacefully, knowing that his own mother has been sending her adopted children to die, and one day it will be his turn. When some of the other children discover her plot, she breaks one of the children’s left leg, verbally taunts the other kids present, and ships out one of the children the next day as a threat to the other’s planning to escape. Her abuse was so damaging to Ray that he tried, at the age of 12 years old, to commit suicide by setting himself and the childhood home on fire as a distraction, so the other kids can escape. Overall, she is Shadow Weaver to an extreme, abusive both physically and mentally.

And her redemption is the best written redemption of any abusive parent i’ve ever read.

Reading that, you’re probably thinking I’m a psycho, but no. Here’s the thing about Isabella that makes her such a fantastic villain. She used to be one of the kids at the farm. She used to be like Ray and all the other children. The way the farms work, some of the older female children who get shipped out are allowed to survive, and are put in training to become “moms” or caretakers and enforcers at the farms. They essentially raise children to be slaughtered, as they themselves were raised. It’s horrific, and it’s the only surefire way to survive into adulthood. But the mom’s are replaceable. Isabella is under as much threat of death as anyone else, including the kids. She has what is essentially a taser implanted in her chest, that’ll stop her heart if she escapes or rebels. Ray’s very existence as someone who knows the secret of the farms puts Isabella's life at risk. One mistake, one slip up, and her life is forfeit. Essentially, it’s the kids lives or hers. 

So she justifies shipping the kids off by telling herself she can take such good care of them for their 6-12 years of living that it doesn’t even matter that they died. She is such an inherently selfish person, but she’s understandable. We understand exactly why she’s doing everything she’s doing. 

And then the kids escape, and we realize Isabella is happy for them. We realize in the last few scenes of the first season, that she’s given up hope on living after they escape. The kids, whether they realized it or not, just traded their mother’s life for their own. They outsmarted her, and thus, Isabella must die at the hand of the farm. Isabella has to accept there are no other options before doing one final act of good to help the children, untying the ropes that show where the children escaped from to throw off the demons, essentially buying the children time. 

And by this point, from the point of view of the audience, Isabella is redeemed, even though she didn’t make any heroic sacrifice, or jump in front of a gun for our heroes. She is redeemed through the small, subtle step of untying the ropes. Though that, we are shown that Isabella isn’t resentful or malicious. She doesn’t want the children to be caught. She doesn’t harbor any hope of them capturing the children and bringing them back to the farm. She doesn’t harbor any hope of living, seeing the children’s escape and her eventual death as penance for being complicit in so many deaths over the years. 

 One of the last things we hear her say in the last chapter of the escape arc is this: “I wish I could have just loved them normally.”

And by that point, we understand exactly the kind of person Isabella was, a person who deeply wanted to love, but wanted to survive more, someone who both justified and regretted the things she had done. And that regret, in itself, was her redemption.

Now going back to Shadow Weaver, we notice many of the same traits that made Isabella a good villain are present in Shadow Weaver. Someone who has always put herself first, has always lusted after power and has no problem manipulating and abusing people, including children, for her own benefit. But unlike Isabella, we never understand why Shadow Weaver is doing what she’s doing, except a general sense that she’s doing it for power. If power is truly her only motivation, she should not sacrifice herself for others, and if there is truly love for others inside her heart, there needs to be a more present way to explore it. 

We can tell she hasn’t really changed in season five due to her forcing Adora to carry the burden of the failsafe, despite the fact it could kill her. Unlike Isabella, we never feel that Shadow Weaver is being forced to do bad deeds or manipulate from an outside force or even her own bad habits. She has the freedom to be both a redeemed hero or a full-on villain, but she does.. neither. 

Up until her sacrifice.

I don’t like Shadow Weaver’s sacrifice. If you wanted her out of the picture, you could’ve had her 1. try and join Horde Prime and have him kill her, 2. Have he chipped and forced Adora and Catra to contemplate whether to save her or not or 3. Just kill her without a sacrifice to show the horror of Prime. All three would feel in character and fit well within the story, because if there is one thing Shadow Weaver isn’t presented as at any point in the story, it's a selfless person.

But instead we get... her sacrifice. First of all, it's confusing. The audience doesn’t know whether we’re supposed to feel that Shadow Weaver was redeemed or not. There is a decidedly mixed feeling in her sacrifice, where the show seems to want to be able to pull on our heartstrings, but still knows half the people watching hate this character and another quarter don’t care about her. 

And Adora and Catra also seem conflicted. The one good thing in the scene, at least for me, is that both Shadow Weaver and Catra seem to acknowledge that the sacrifice, it itself, is not selfless. Shadow Weaver is taking the easy way out, going out with a blaze of glory instead of trying to improve herself and atone for her crimes.

I honestly think in previous seasons, or even just in season 5, if Shadow Weaver were to spend more time trying to apologize and made amends to Adora and Catra, or we got some inner monologue or scenes showing how she cares for the children she abused, and feels she made mistakes, then the sacrifice would’ve worked, at least for me. But Shadow Weaver always felt like an antagonistic force, even in the final season when she was squarely a ‘good guy’. There was no point where it felt like she was sorry for her actions, and nothing that justified them.

I honestly think Shadow Weaver shouldn’t have been redeemed. And that’s what it was, redemption through death. It doesn’t work with her characterization in previous seasons, or even season 5, and it felt, for lack of a better word, cheap.

[snkpolls]

SnK Chapter 118 Poll Results

The chapter 118  poll closed with 1,311 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated.

Rate the Chapter 1,217 responses

“Sneak Attack” is the second highest rated chapter this year with only 1.2% expressing extreme unhappiness with the chapter.  The overwhelming majority (93.7%) rated it a 4 or 5 on our 1-5 scale.

A chapter I finally enjoyed with a lot of developments other than just Titan bashing. It would've been perfect if we also got some answers about Levi/Hange and Historia but well we can't have everything I suppose.

Finally got some great character development that is amazing payoff after all these years! The Shiganshina vets, Paradis Commanders, and Marley crew all had great moments!

Impressive how so many of the many many plotlines in the air were allowed some great development in just one, insane chapter.

I loved this chapter. I feel like shingeki is really at it's best when we have character moments and plenty of dialogue.

the chapter was too wholesome, I'm scared for next chapter

Which of the following was your favorite moment? 1,263 responses

“Mikasa leaving her scarf behind” has the slight majority, but only a few percentage points separate the top  choices. “Falco’s confession” and “Armin rallying everyone to Eren’s side” follow in second and third.

Mikasa is best girl, she is no ones slave ! I just need ch 119 now!

Go Go Mikasa!!!

I'm so into Armin having some kind of game plan and Mikasa moving forward.

I love this chapter. It was an action chapter but damn there were so many touching, human moments it made me so emotional. Connie outburst about being constantly betrayed (pls give this boy a break, he lost so much), Mikasa leaving the scarf behind, Nile helping Falco and speaking about his daughters, Grice bros reunion hug, FALCO'S CONFESSION, Zeke and Pieck still caring about each other.....

I'm so glad to see I was right about Onyankopon lying to Yelena because he had no other choice and still be loyal to the 104th and Hanji!!!

Well, better late than never; I am truly happy to see Mikasa’s development, being more independent.

WOW JEAN MY SON YOU'RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE

Who was this chapter’s MVP? 1,245 responses

Armin managed to claim the title of MVP this chapter, and it’s no wonder. Not only did he show some much-needed optimism regarding Eren’s current state, but he also chose to believe in Onyankopon’s sincerity regarding his lack of any awareness of the wine plot.

Honorable mention to Nile, who doesn’t show up in these polls often - but when he does he makes sure to give Armin a worthy adversary for the title of MVP. Best dad? Best dad.

A little insulted Yelena isn't an option for MVP, she is literally the ONLY interesting character this chapter

I believe in Armin. He is the understanding character who's really trying to understand things about Eren.

I believe in his statement that Eren's hatred towards Mikasa is a lie.

I love Jean. He is surely honest that he can't let Eren die and is willing to help.

Finally Armin puts it together for everyone

I'd say everybody was the MVP in this chapter: Onyan for being honest with AMJC Jean radiating bi energy towards Eren Mikasa for dropping her scarf Connie for being done with betrayal Nile for being a family man Pixis for admitting he drank too much Falco for confessing to Gabi Gabi for letting go of her prejudice AND OF FUCKING COURSE GENERAL MAGATH AND PIECK FOR MAKING THEIR MONKEY HUNT SUCCESSFUL HAHAHAHAHAHA

How dare you not have Yelena in the options for MVP! LOL but seriously woman is batshit crazy, u guys should have a "who did better" question comparing her psycho face with Armin's and Jean.

Nile deserves to live and see his family

Each of the commanding officers had a big moment. Whose did you enjoy the most? 1,252 responses

Nile may have only come in second place for MVP of the chapter, but most (64.5%) respondents thought that he had the best moment of any commander who made an appearance this time - taking care of Falco and helping to reunite him with his family. Pixis was a distant-runner up (17.3%), with Magath and Shadis nearly tied for third place with about 9% of the vote each.

Nile is best dad

Magath’s shot might have been my favorite moment if he hadn’t missed. >.<

I'd fight a bear just to save Shadis :((((

Seriously though, who is Shadis trying to impress?

This is gonna be long but OOF I cannot express enough how much I loved the little Shadis panel. Bless him.

Has Armin convinced Yelena of his loyalty to her cause? 1,264 responses

Armin seems to be acting like he’s on Yelena’s side once again, and her first reaction to his comments was visceral to say the least, but then she seemed to warm up.  57.9% of you think she’s rebutted acting with acting and is only pretending to give Armin her blessing, whereas only 15.4% think Armin’s Oscar worthy performance won her over.  26.7% don’t have a clue about what this crazy girl is thinking.

Yelena and Armin are both playing each other.

Yelena is CRACKERS and I love her.

Yelena isn't suspicious of Armin, just yandere levels of jealous that he will get to see the Jaeger on Jaeger action up close and personal

Yelena is so out of her mind it actually makes me think if there's something more to her?

Yelena gave me nightmares tho.

Yelena's crazy face scared the shit out of me.

yelena looks like she eats the gum underneath desks

Would knowing Falco drank spinal fluid deter Zeke from screaming? 1,263 responses

Well… 8% of the people who took this poll have a level of optimism that is truly admirable. The other 92% have far less trust in Zeke’s compassion and empathy, most leaning towards the “Hell no” category - that Falco’s wine ingestion wouldn’t even be a consideration if it came to it. Press F for Falco.

After he’s told Falco has ingested his spinal fluid. He’ll give a cold look and say “ah... I see. *inhale* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

When he learns about Falco's confession and screams because he doesn't want any Grice-Braun baby on his watch

I scream, you scream, we all scream for- Oh shoot Falco's a titan

Zeke screams when Zeke wants to

Do you think Nile will live to see his family again? 1,262 responses

Commander Nile Dok is one of the many citizens to have ingested the spinal fluid wine.  If they get transformed into titans, Nile would never get to see his wife Marie and their daughters again.  62.3% of you think he won’t reunite with them, while only 14.2% think he’ll see them again.  23.5% don’t know what they think his fate will be.

Nile deserves to live and see his family

Well, at least Nile and Pixis are goners for sure, but I still think that even if they are titanized, it isn't necessarily their end, because the power of the founder can be used to change the molecular structure of Titans, so if they don't die immediately Eren theoretically could turn them back into humans

please let nile see his family he's so underrated and he deserves it thank you mr. isayama

Which character’s feelings toward Eren best align with your own? 1,257 responses

Close to half the fandom agree with Armin that Eren is only doing this because he has no choice. In second place, almost a third agree with Jean’s “He’s a bastard but he’s cool.” The remaining ¼ of the fandom are divided between Mr. Braus (“Can we just head on home yet”) and Connie’s “I’m sick of being betrayed.”

Connie's anger is valid (fuck Eren)

Jean is out of character for part of it and I really hope that Armin has a secret plan to subdue Eren/at least get angry at Eren for all the shit he's put them through. Connie's right; Eren has been completely shitty and betrayed them even if he does it because he thinks he's saving them or something.

I'm glad Connie hasn't lost his ability to speak his mind, and is sick and tired of everyone's shit.

Armin wonders if Eren will use the rumbling to wipe out the world. What do you think? 1,249 responses

In this chapter, Armin thought back to Eren’s monologue at the ocean about killing everyone in the outside world. 56.2% of you don’t think that’s Eren’s goal at the moment, but that he would be willing to do it if push came to rumble. 20.1% think his end goal is in fact to flatten the earth, whereas 15.8% don’t believe Eren would ever do that in 2000 years.

ern got sneky plan up his slev

I think Eren intends to use the rumbling to destroy the world, but have confidence that Armin will be able to show him it's not the only way

Isayama has been making it so its not clear one way or the other. There are arguments for and against all of the options. I am waiting for a different plan altogether, but I would be fine with either way really.  

Eren himself will never do that. But if he is influenced by the memories of so many Attack Titan holders and the will to always move forward and fight, he probably will.

Eren will use the rumbling to deter the world, not destroy it unless he has to.

He'll use it but for a purpose we don't know about yet. Possibly a way related to the S1 miner story and the walls going deeper underground.

I think that Eren's ideology of being born into this world as a free person is something that isn't just applied to Eldians.  We know that Eren learned that those across the ocean are the same as those behind the walls.  Despite the hatred that parts of the world may have, I don't think Eren wants to take away the freedom of those who never knew any better.

The slight pause in Armin's expression seems to tell me there's more to what he's thinking! Not just rumbling  

I imagine we'll follow the time-loop theory and Eren will use the rumbling to rewrite (and rewind) the world to be one without any existence or recollection of titans. Or some weird shit like that.

Eren will turn all Eldian women into anime cat girls. That’s what I would do.

Do you think Armin is being genuine in his optimism about Eren? 1,248 responses

With all of the opinions on Eren floating around at the moment, Armin tries to convince the others that their friend isn’t on the side of evil.  The majority, at about 60% believe that Armin’s not positive of what he’s saying, but is trying to be optimistic.  32.5% think Armin truly believes Eren’s had no choice in what side he’s on.   Only 6.2% think Armin’s lying and tricking Yelena in that way.

He is being naive and basing his thoughts on his own perception of Eren. Or, he knows that Eren is up to something but needs to convince the others to work with Eren.

I think he’s pretending to support Eren to trick both the 104th and Yelena. The emotion he had after Eren hurt Mikasa was real,  no way he’s just over that. But I think it stands true that without Eren, Pradise’s fight would be lost. After everything that happened, though, why would the 104th want to help Eren? Thus Armin knew he would have to manipulate them (and Yelena, for other reasons) for the greater good in the end.

I'm not sure. He wasn't against feeding Eren to someone else if he rejected the SC and now he seems to stand behind him? I think he wants to play along until he knows the truth for sure.

He's deluding himself. He knows Eren is going to destroy the world but doesn't want to believe it.

Yes I believe so. Armin felt like he did not understand Eren anymore because his actions didn’t make sense. That was until Yelena expelled their plan to him in prison. I think that was the missing piece that solved Armin’s puzzle. He may not be certain about the exact plan Eren has but he has enough to go on that Eren would never agree to euthanise people.

I don't think he fully trusts Eren, but he knows that right now, whatever plan Eren has, keeping him alive will be best for Paradise's side. I think he definitely wants to see the good in Eren, but he also realises there might be darker motives in him, though he won't tell the others that in order to rally them properly.

He’s half trying to convince others that Eren is a liar, and half trying to convince himself. Armin just wants to understand, and I relate him.

*clenches fist* A C T I N G

Mikasa is leaving her scarf behind as she heads out for battle. How do you feel about that? 1,251 responses

The scarf coming off is a big moment for Mikasa, and most of us (59.7%) are optimistic that this is the beginning of some great development for her. For others (17.5%) the heartache is just too real. There was quite a bit of hopefulness in the write ins though!

MIKASAAAAAA <3 ok but... she's asking all the right questions!! putting away the scarf!!! thats my baby!!!

I was really excited about the scarf choice! I am not so much a fan of people misinterpreting what the scarf means though... Take a shot everytime you see someone say 'finally some development for mikasa'."

It keeps pushing along the development she has been receiving since the Time Skip. After her conversation with Eren, she more than likely associates it with the Ackerman Bond.  Her going out without is a statement that she's truly doing things by own will. Will it be the last time she wears it? I don't think so.

The scarf is her sanctuary and her cage. Leaving it behind is bittersweet and I think the next time she wears it (if she does so) it'll symbolize something totally new.

I want to see Eren's reaction to noticing Mikasa without her scarf

I'm glad that Mikasa decided to leave the scarf behind. She needs to live her life and become strong, independent, smart, mature woman. Being attached to Eren was only stopping her from her own growth. It doesn't matter if Eren was honest while saying about hating her. Mikasa is now opening her eyes and I hope that she will keep moving forward.

Mikasa removing her scarf leads into a perfect segway for Eren wrapping it around her again, as he promised in chapter 50. So I am actually quite excited for that as an Eremika fan, rather than worried.

Chekhov's scarf incoming.

I am more concerned about whatever the hell's going on inside Louise's head as she stares at that scarf.

Louise will take it for one reason or another.

The Marleyan's have new anti-titan rifles. Who will they be used on first? 1,239 responses

The anti-titan guns will no doubt be useful fighting the shifters but a slight majority of the fandom (36.7%) thinks the wine drinkers will be the first victims. 36.4% think they’ll be targeting one of the shifters first.

It’s taken 27 chapters, but Gabi has finally realized the people of Paradis are not devils. How do you feel about her character development? 1,257 responses

Gabi’s been in the story for quite a while now, and has finally come around to the idea that not all the walldians are evil devils.  Despite criticism of Gabi being a common sight, the majority of fans, at 37.8%, loved her development and are excited to see what she does next.  27.1% weren’t fans at first but have enjoyed her development, and 23.2% still don’t love her but she’s grown on them. Only 11.9% haven’t enjoyed anything Gabi’s had to offer the narrative.

Feeling validated in my love for Gabi, I'm so glad she finally reached this realisation!!

Granted, Gabi isn't nearly as bad as she was when she started, but her realization came way too late for me to feel anything for her. The damage at this point is already done, so I can't feel anything but complete disdain for her and could care less whether she lives or dies (though it seems like even now a lot of people are still rooting for the latter)

Gabi is best girl.

As expected from Gabi, so obvious and predictible "development " she is the proof that isayama isnt god, becouse everyone do mistakes. Worst manga character

I loved Gabi’s character development. I hope that she’ll do something useful in the next chapters.

I couldn't possibly care less about Gabi's "development". My interest/investment in this series died when Gabi killed Sasha and Isayama started painting the SC as "the bad guys". I didn't sign on for this BS.

I'm glad that Gabi had her moment of realization. It's easy to forget that she's just a child, brought up to believe certain things, and it's coming to that realization that matters the most.

Loved gabi’s character development so so much which i was waiting for. I’d call this chap kind of a heartwarming one in many ways. can’t wait for ch119.

How cute was Falco’s confession? 1,251 responses

In the midst of battle, Falco confesses his feelings to the girl of his dreams, one Gabi Braun.  Over half of you (52.1%) gave this confession a 5/5 on the cuteness scale.  25.6% rated 4 cute blushes out of 5, 14.1% were right in the middle at 3, and only 8.3% rated it negatively.

Falco is so pure.... WHAT A GOOD BOY.

Gabi and Falco's scene this chapter really hit me. So much beauty and heart. I feel like the story would miss something without them, aside from their relevance to the plot.

The Gabi-Falco moment wasn't that important to me since I literally just don't feel any particular attachment to the characters, but it WAS important to the story and it needed it happen.

Falco's confession was too cute and pure... oh my god I AM WEAK FOR YOUNG LOVE.

I loved Falco's confession and how him and Gabi were staring at each other at the end of the chapter. They were just so fucking cute.

Wow, for once I found myself having fun with this chapter instead of stressing out. Also, I DIED when Falco confessed to Gabi, that was the cutest scene I've witnessed since 108 and I couldn't have asked for a better birthday chapter. Thanks, Isayama!

Gabi and Falco are getting too much attention but their moments were cute nonetheless.

Falco is sooo cute! Loved that confession scene.

IM OFFICIALLY A GABI STAN, FALCO IS A CUTIE

Is there a chance Falco and Gabi will get married and live happily ever after? 1,260 responses

In a series as upbeat and cheerful as this, a happy ending for a young couple is certain!  Right?  RIGHT? 45.2% know the series they’re reading and are bracing for the worst form Isayama, and another 36.6% doubt it will end up all rainbows and smiles for this blossoming romance. 14.8% are holding out hope that it’s possible, and only 3.3% don’t think those little snots deserve a shot at happiness.

As cute as Falco's confession was, how is he going to marry Gabi and give her a happy life if he's going to inherit the Armored and then die in 13 years anyway?

Falco's confession was like a drop of purity and innocence in this cruel world. I wish they could live happily. That would be beginning of something new and hopeful.

Now when I say "they don't deserve a happy ending", I'm really just referring to Gabi. Falco deserves nothing but the best.

I'm also glad Gabi is finally awake, idk how I feel about Falco being some weird scapegoat shield foil for her (taking the hits every single time she gets herself into trouble), but I don't think her character development has peaked yet. She's too much of a parallel to Eren to be done already.

Bless Falco, he is just too pure for this cruel world... or maybe he is just what this cruel world needs.

Romances never end well in this series but somehow I hope that this one can come to fruition. I’ll be hurt if Falco actually dies. Maybe that’s what it means to suffer as a braun.

Can't wait for next chapter. PROTECT FALCO, COLT AND GABI AT ALL COST.

When will Zeke scream? 1,246 responses

A solid 35% of the fandom believe Zeke will only scream if he’s totally cornered by enemy troops. Following behind that at 26.4%, respondents feel that he will be doing it immediately in the next chapter. 20.5% think it will happen if and when he is torn out of his titan by an enemy soldier. A small sliver of respondents don’t think it will actually happen.

As soon as he steps on that Lego

Once he notices the people with balck arm bands who are gathered in the front line as pixis ordered, it will be his only salvation... again.

Depends on how bad the interference gets between him and Eren. He panics whenever things don’t go his way and that would be enough of a distraction to reach Eren. Although once they titanise they will also try to eat any surrounding shifters excluding Eren because of Zeke’s influence. It’s a reliable last resort for him.

If Eren gets to him and does his own plan. Once Zeke realizes Eren didn't uphold to the euthanasia plan, he'll scream

The only way he won’t scream is if Armin transforms and turns the tide of the battle. It seems that Zeke is only going to scream as a last resort, but if the battle doesn’t shift back in his favor soon, then he will for sure. I think it’s on Armin at this point.

Not if Eren has a say in it. For all he knows the 104th are still in the building, along with anyone infected that he cares about. If Zeke tries to scream, I feel that Eren will somehow stop him.

Will the Rumbling be activated in this battle? 1,244 responses

66.6% of respondents (is this an omen?) feel that we will at least see a partial rumbling during this battle. 23.4% feel solid about Eren not activated it at all, and the remaining 10% of respondents feel sure that Eren is going to unleash the big guns.

Destroying the world would be too simple. Eren might try to use the wake up call and make people to see that everyone is the same.

I'm still unsure whether this battle will lead to a full or partial rumbling. There are characters who are still missing the call: Kiyomi, Historia, Hitch, Annie…

I don't think Eren is going to activate the rumbling when he touches Zeke. I think he has something else up his sleeve.

Is it wrong that I WANT the Yeagerbros to use the Rumbling? It will basically wipe out the rest of the outside world that has done nothing but persecute Eldians and try to exterminate the protagonists. I see nothing wrong with this 'genocide' plan of theirs.

Eren using the rumbling to destroy the rest of the world makes no sense, especially after what he told Reiner and the fact that it’s what everyone assumes he wants to do.

Zeke is now close enough to titanize those infected by the wine. Do you think he'll do it? 1,251 responses

Reflective of the earlier question about when Zeke will scream (we may not have realized we got a little redundant, oops!), the majority of the fandom believe that Zeke will definitely titanize the wine infected Eldians in the area. A small 11% have faith that he won’t do it.

Zeke stop being such a retard already and let's get to the good stuff! The rumbling the scream! Come on dude!

I both want Zeke to scream for cool storytelling but I don’t because I love the people who would be affected

Zeke screaming is too predictable, same with falco becoming a titan shifter, I will be a little disappointed if isayama does that

Is this the final battle? 1,252 responses

While a third feel that this is climactic enough to constitute the finale, a clear majority (68.1%) feel certain that there is still more to come after this battle

This can’t be the final arc because it doesn’t really feel like the strongest arc. Isayama would make the final arc amazing

We're in the endgame now

If this is really the final battle I worry it'll be rushed. Mikasa only just started her development to "get free" from Eren and Armin still hasn't lived up to Erwin's legacy. Then there's Hange and Levi, who I still hope to see in action again. Same for Annie. If we don't get to see female titan in action one last time, I'll be disappointed. Not sure how can that happen, since she's still back in Wall Sheena (and I hoped Armin would see her wake up), but please...

Prediction time! Death flags are everywhere, who do you think will die in this battle?

Unlike the other groups in this section of the poll, a few hundred people chose not to make any selections for the Survey Corps, expressing confidence that they will all survive this battle.

When we look at combined results, the death flags are waving most prominently for Floch (741 votes), the senior military (650), Reiner (598), Connie (594), Porco (588), and Yelena (583).

Senior Military 1,196 responses

When Nile waved goodbye at Falco, it wasn't just meant for him. It was also meant for us. This chapter really felt like this is the last we will see of Nile as a human. The next time we see him, he will be a Titan for sure.

My heart breaks for Keith. He also drank from the wine, so he´s a goner? What do you guys think?

Survey Corps 916 responses

As much as I love Jean, it really hurts  me that I chose him and Connie as the next characters in the Survey Corps that will die, because it feels like they will.  I really hope I'm wrong.

Connie will die soon, mark my words.

I didn't really catch any death flags for the survey corps? Maybe hange or levi but that's it

Jaegerists/Volunteer 1,133 responses

if floch dies next chapter many extremely manly tears may be shed for that lovable nutter

Can Zeke just die? It's been 3 times he survived from death. It makes it predictable

I don't want Zeke to die, I don't want Zeke to be betrayed by Eren. Eren, please... My heart is breaking.

Marleyans 1,150 responses

I have huge soft spots for both Nile and Falco and am in denial about their eventual fate :(

pieck must never die

I hope Reiner doesn't join Berthold just yet

reiner must die

It’s really great seeing Pieck get more spotlight, now all I need is her last name, and I can accept her probable death

If my boi Reiner were to die I'd drop the manga

Which titan power do you think Falco will inherit? 1,204 responses

Will all of Falco’s warrior training pay off now that he’s in a situation where he might become a titan?  The most popular option at 55.4% is that he’ll inherit Reiner’s armored titan.  26.7% don’t think he’ll end up becoming a shifter at all. The Jaw and Beast were the next most popular choices, at 7.9% and 6.9% respectively.

The stage is set for Falco to inherit Reiner's titan.

I know the prevailing theory is that Falco will eat Reiner and get his power (and it'll probably happen too) but something about letting a kid inherit Ymir's curse all over again doesn't quite sit right with me. Like what Eren said: Falcon deserves a long life too. But I guess it's better than being titanized by Zeke's scream and shot by one of those guns.

No Colossus option? C'mon.

What would you most like to see next chapter? 1,219 responses

Levi and Hange top the wish list with just over one fourth of the fandom (21.7%) hoping for an update on their condition. Eren and Zeke touching is second (17.6%) and Eren noticing his friends in the fray is third (16.2%).

Annie will reappear, DRINKS ON ME

I fucking hope Eren and Zeke touch bc damn this chapter seemed to be so short and we’ve been eating for so long.

Glad to see Jean mentioning Levi & Hange, makes me expect (and fear) that they will be included in the next chapter.

Hange and Levi plz

I hope we can get a glimpse of Eren's thought. I need his perspective more, more than anyone else's. And last but not least, Levi's condition.

I'm excited to see the gang join the battle

I'm genuinely at a point where this whole 'mystery MC motives' thing is making me want to drop the series for a while. Please just rip the bandaid off if Eren is going to be a legit ~villain~ or whatever, stop dragging this out for so long.

With this being the last chapter of the current volume now would be a perfect time to check in on levi and hange's conditions and perhaps could pace the way for some good angsty chapters that eventually lead to them two coming into this battle with a brilliant game changing fighting strategy (maybe some hange backstory too if we are lucky enough like cmon its the final arc and hanges the only main cast that hasnt had any hint of a background)

Eren and Zeke touching lol phrasing

At this point, around which chapter do expect the manga will conclude? 1,163 responses

Not a whole lot has changed here since last month, but we had a slight increase in the percentage of respondents that think 130 or 134 will be the final chapter of the manga. The percentage of people who believe the manga will continue to chapter 138 or beyond has stayed about the same. Similarly, the people who think the manga will end at chapter 122 or 126 are hanging in there - and it doesn’t seem like they have been convinced otherwise.

Where do you primarily discuss the series? 1,141 responses

While Reddit and Tumblr hold steady, Facebook has been making tiny gains in recent months. Thank you again to everyone who participated, regardless of what platform you are on! If you are on an underrepresented platform, please feel free to share the poll there.

Additional thoughts on the chapter?

Some of you have never been brainwashed by an evil regime and it shows.

I ache for Nile, we misjudged him, he is such a sweetheart with his three little girls! <3 I have a bad feeling he'll die, but I really, really hope he survives this, because from *his* original trio, he's the only one left. Mike and Erwin are gone. :(

A lot of people think Armin only function in this arc is just to blow up and follow Eren's game but I think he is going to become the third option in this conflict, as soon he confirms his fears about Eren true intentions with rumbling.

As for the titan serum wine victims, maybe they won't be affected if they don't hear Zeke's scream if they cover their ears hard enough

AVENGE YOUR SISTER, KAYA! DESTROY THE HATED ONE!

Eren is a shit. Who puts his friends and family of dead friend into a prison together with potential titans? If someone from Sasha's family dies because they were locked in Shingashina, Eren will be officially the worst person ever and I will root for his terrible and painful death.

Eren looked so pretty in that last panel

EREN PLEASE- DO SOMETHING. SAVE THE KIDDOS.

Finally the story is starting to progress again after months of nothing really happening that builds the story. Finally we are getting answers without getting anymore questions. This is a lot less infuriating than previous chapters have been.

i feel like there is going to be a lot of deaths tho since we are in for a large scale battle, mainly with all the people that consumed the wine.  but i still think  Hizuru will come into play here and in a dangerous way.  

I just hope a happy ending for everyone (or most of them) but knowing isayama, I will read happy endings only in fanfiction

I like Gabi now

I hope Mikasa realizes she’s NOT a slave and Eren’s Ackerman talk was bullshit. Ackermans are the most free ppl in this series

I wish for Eren not to turn like a villain, I want him to keep his same goals from the very beginning and save his friends, the Eldians, and unite them with Marley all together. I hope he can team up with Reiner and defeat Zeke. Most of all, I would like Mikasa to break her bonds she has with Eren and live for herself. And for Armin, to free Annie with the help of the Survey Corps and Reiner with Porco together so that Annie could fight on the right side for once, then return home peacefully.

If Armin isn't lying I'll eat one (1) entire issue of Bessatsu Shounen Magazine.

It didn’t focus as much on the fights as last time, focusing more on how the characters are being affected by the fight

It was amazing and it felt a bit more hopeful than the other chapters. But since it is supposed to be the last arc, something big will happen for sure and i am not ready XD!

Mikasa does not wear the protective shields. Foreshadowing? My Eekstinct tells me she is going to be injured in this battle and then Kiyomi makes a move that shock everyone, drags Mikasa away and keeps her promise of protecting her.    And then Hizuru arc begins EEEEEEEEK

Needs more Annie and Historia but still a 10/10. Should be 11/10 though.

One of the greatest cliffhangers ever. It created such a conflicting feeling in me. If Zeke doesn't die asap, he is going to scream. If he does, Eren won't be able to activate the rumbling to defeat Marley. It's two terrible results.

People could use some pointers from Yelena and stop looking at Eren as this messiah-like figure who is here to bring world peace or balance or any of that stuff. Eren doesn't fight for the world, he never did. He fights for the freedom of him and his people and if flattening the earth gets him that then so be it. After all, he will keep moving forward, until his enemies are destroyed.

Probably my favorite chapter out of the last year! I thought it was going to be more action heavy but there were so many touching character moments and I absolutely loved it for taking its time to touch on almost everyone

This is like the 4th time in 5 chapters that Zeke is on the brink of death and my poor heart can only take so much ;-;

Unpopular Opinion (don't kill me), I feel that Pieck is such a Mary Sue.  I get that she is highly skilled among the Warriors, but she has seriously only had one "mistake" since her introduction (Panzer Unit explosion).  Other Warriors such as Reiner, Bortolo Colon, even Zeke have suffered multiple beat downs throughout the story.  I just want her to not feel as invincible at times, as it seems she's always one step ahead.

We’ve heard little to nothing about Eren’s philosophy and state of mind since after the time jump (and even after the RTS arc ended), I think we’re in for some info soon enough

Yelena is the representation of all the creepy fangirls who just wanna protecc their otp change my mind

Well, if I wasn't right about anything else, I was right in that shit has completely gone down. Probably one of my favorite chapters in the whole manga.

With so many airships this month cant we just rename Attack on Titan to Attack on Airships ? :D

[the-good-noodle-kf]

Heeyyy so that fic I posted four months ago now has a second and third chapter!

I posted it on AO3 two(?) days ago, and I sort of forgot to post it on here at the same time, but better late than never ig..

This is the second chapter, and I’ll leave the link to the third at the bottom, because the third chapter is v long eheh

Kaito is more pale than Shuichi remembers. Then again, if he looked in a mirror, he’d notice he’s more pale too. The simulation helmet looks out of place on his head; it covers up his signature astronaut-gravity-defiant hair. He’s still, which is so disconcerting for the otherwise animated magenta-head.

When he turns to Maki she has an expression that Shuichi has never seen in the time that he’d known her. She is just staring at Kaito’s unmoving form, but the former detective has a feeling that she isn’t completely there, in that room. He could guess there are a mixture of emotions threatening to rise to the surface; she’s probably feeling regret, despondency, and some form of pity, much like himself. However, the shaking of her hands and the stiffening of her shoulders pair to form what could only be fear. He’s never seen Maki show anything even slightly reminiscent of fear. 

He wonders what she’s afraid of. Is it the fear of the future, for Kaito, or for herself? He doesn’t want to consider the possibility that she’s scared of how things will change once he wakes up, even though it’s fairly likely. He clearly remembered her last few words to Kaito, and his lack of bilateral response. He isn’t the one who’s in love with Kaito (the word sounds weird as he thinks it), but it’s got to be harder to face for her than it is for him. He knows she remembers too; how could she not? 

He settles on the assumption that the brunette just fears the unknown… it’s ambiguous but realistic. Isn’t everything about this new reality unknown anyway?

It starts to feel like he’s intruding, so he quietly leaves the room. He hadn’t realized how helpful the beeping of the heart rate monitor was for synchronising with his breathing, because once he’s back in that hallway, he can’t seem to steadily breathe without thinking about it. 

Now that he is noticing it, it’s like his breathing is a voluntary motion. He tries to distract himself by walking towards the others and thinking about other things. It works until he acknowledges that it works, but then he’s back to thinking about it. He inhales, he exhales. Himiko’s still talking to Tenko, but they’re sitting on the sectional now. He inhales again. Tojo’s somewhere else now, but the tea cart is still there. He exhales. 

Seeing Kaito had brought more questions to his mind, and they’re the type of questions that he can’t figure out the answer to without additional information. He doesn’t necessarily want to talk to any employee of Team Danganronpa ever again (he actually wants to distance himself from any one of them as much as possible), but he won’t get answers otherwise. His disdain for anything Danganronpa related (aren’t they all technically ‘Danganronpa related’?) doesn’t outweigh his tenacious curiosity, so he asks the woman, “What... decides... when they’ll wake up?”

She grins like more of a lunatic than any of Danganronpa’s killers could ever be. “There are the questions I’ve been waiting for!” She looks through her files and starts reading one of them aloud. “Their awakening is determined by a number of factors. The most prominent one is their will to live, however, the severity of their cause of death can substantially delay this. It also depends on when they passed on and how real the simulation felt to them. The more skeptical participants are likely to wake up sooner. At the same time, no exact time can be calculated due to external circumstances, like the game’s psychological impact on them. Anything else?”

“Ah. How long will it be?” 

“It will be a while. He definitely won’t wake up until after participant number eight-zero-zero, Miu Iruma, awakens.” She smiles, even though there’s nothing about the conversation that’s worth smiling about.

There’s one more question that Shuichi needs to ask, but he doesn’t want to know the answer. No, that’s not true; he wants to know the answer, but he’s definitely not ready for it. “Are they... is it possible,” he swallows, “that they won’t wake up?” he braces himself.

The Team Danganronpa employee taps her pen to her lips. “Well, the retaining of in-game memories and the removal pre-game memories is a new implementation this season, but based on how the previous season went, everything should work out alright. Of course, because of unforeseen circumstances, nothing is set in stone.”

He presses his lips in a line. It’s like none of their lives are any consequence to this woman. To her, it doesn’t seem to matter if they live or die. 

“You can go visit them though, any time. I advise you to not remove their helmets though, because that will kill them. They need to rejoin reality on their own terms. Forcing them out now will be too much for their psyche to handle!” She giggles, and Shuichi hides an unsettled shudder. He instead forces a smile and puts some distance between the two of them.

Shuichi begins weighing his options; he needs to find a way to kill time - waste time. He supposes he could go through that locker with his old belongings, but he’s not... ready. He doesn’t feel ready for anything. Nothing makes sense anymore and he just -

He needs to start small. 

He decides that he should probably eat something even though he has no appetite. Just the thought that (at least) the last hundred times he ate something, it was probably tube fed to him by more members of Team Danganronpa because of his… incapacity, makes him want to do it for himself while also ruining his appetite further. 

He can’t win. (He did win.) Isn’t winning supposed to be a good thing? Shuichi doesn’t remember being competitive, especially not in such a dreary situation, but shouldn’t he be at least a little glad that he didn’t have to experience dying like most of the others did? 

He’s not.

Shuichi is pushing himself to eat some bland crackers when Kaede Akamatsu walks into the room. 

“Hey Shuichi.” she greets him with a smile. 

He startles when he sees her, and almost spits out some cracker crumbs, before he realizes that he has to swallow the food in his mouth before he can talk. The dry pieces scratch his throat in his rush to speak, and all he can say is, “K-Kaede.” His eyes are wide open and she’s just smiling like nothing’s wrong about the situation they’re all caught up in. Then he realizes that she was gone before the worst of it happened. But, his brain supplies, she died horribly. 

“I…” He has so many things he wants to tell her but all of them are gone from his mind now. 

“You did it Shuichi, I knew you could.” 

He doesn’t know where to begin. “Wh-?” he lets out a questioning noise. He unintentionally grips the bag of crackers hard enough that a number of them break with a crunch.

“You beat the mastermind at their own game. If anyone could do it, you could,” she tells him, and she’s so nice and so supportive, but he doesn’t really feel like he did anything. Almost everyone died. He should’ve stopped the killing game before it began like Kaede set out to do, though perhaps in a different way...

The first full sentence that comes out is a self-deprecating one, “I didn’t do anything.” His head is down-turned, and he almost wishes he had his hat to hide under. It’s true though. Himiko’s the reason that they figured out the mastermind’s secrets; if she hadn’t found the secret door in the girls bathroom, they never would’ve found out the truth.

“Of course you did! Don’t put yourself down so much, be confident.”

But, he can’t. He nods absently, because he isn’t going to say that aloud. 

“I believe in you Shuichi.”

How could someone like Kaede believe in him when he doesn’t even believe in himself? Why does she believe in him? He’d failed to stop her execution, failed to stop the killing game until the very end, and the only thing he did successfully was help lead the rest of his friends to their executions. He should’ve recognized Kokichi’s plan to stop the killing game instead of revealing Kaito. He should’ve listened to Kaito, and never voted Gonta in the first place. He should’ve been more perceptive before the seance. He should’ve noticed that Hoshi wasn’t okay, and prevented his death. He should’ve realized what Kaede was doing before it was too late. 

Even if they voted incorrectly, none of it was real. They could’ve spared each other the additional trauma that stemmed from witnessing murder after murder, forced upon them by Tsumugi and Monokuma. What did it matter if he died in the simulation instead? It’s not like he ever cared about winning. Or, maybe he did before he got his memories wiped and rewritten, but that doesn’t matter anymore either.

He’s not sure when Kaede leaves the room, but soon he’s alone again. He hears Amami call out, “Kaede! It was Tsumugi. Shuichi told me,” but it’s muffled by the closed door. He’s glad that she’s cleared of the guilt. He can tell by how happy she seems now. He’s happy for her too, and he wonders if he’ll ever get back to normal. 

(What is… normal?)

His first therapy session happens a few days later. The therapist, another member of Team Danganronpa is, surprisingly, sort of nice. She doesn’t seem to have any ill intention, and Shuichi almost thinks her eyes show kindness.

“What you’re experiencing is a form of survivor’s guilt. You may feel like you shouldn’t have made it through the game mostly unscathed while all the others didn’t. You might think you could’ve… put an end to it sooner, or spared them the pain. This is normal, but you should know that nothing that happened was your fault.”

He understands what she’s saying, but he has a feeling it’ll take a little while for him to accept it, if he ever does.

She moves onto the next topic quickly. “How have you been adjusting?”

“Um… I’ve been… okay, I guess.”

“It’s probably been a little overwhelming.” A little is an understatement, and Shuichi can tell that they both know this. He figures she’s downplaying it on purpose, trying not to be too pushy on getting him to open up. He’s grateful for that.

“...yeah.”

It continues along like an ordinary discussion, and the therapist gives some recommendations to help with his appetite and the nightmares. It’s not a very lengthy session; Shuichi doesn’t have much to say. It is helpful, but he’s not ready to talk about everything. The therapist, however, is already privy to all the information involving their lives within the simulation. She encourages him to do things like reading to pass the time because it might take his mind off of the trauma, if only for a little while. She also suggests that he might benefit from visiting the other three that haven’t woken up yet. It might make him feel better to talk to them, even if they can’t hear him. 

She’s right, but he hasn’t prepared himself for that yet. He hasn’t visited Kaito since that brief time with Maki, and he can’t bring himself to go back. Maybe that’ll change soon, but for right now, Shuichi is taking his time. 

His appetite has already improved a bit. He’s been eating two meals a day, which is a start. His stomach must’ve shrunk while he was in the simulation, because he isn’t hungry for anything else. 

Somehow, Shuichi finds himself outside the door of the room that Kokichi Oma currently resides in. It’s not exactly a surprise, though. Something’s been gnawing at him - he wasn’t sure what it was until now. He tries telling himself that he has nothing to say to Kokichi, but…

...that’s a lie. 

He sighs.

Logically, Shuichi, and everyone else’s distrust towards Kokichi was warranted, but… he could’ve tried harder. No, no matter what he did, he’s sure he wouldn’t have figured out Kokichi’s true motives.

But, he… he ignored the fact that Kokichi would’ve been the victim if he hadn’t persuaded Gonta, and that was wrong. He knows that Kokichi was cornered; no one would believe him if he tried to tell them about Miu. He even went as far as to lie and falsely implicate Kokichi during the trial, and that makes him feel worse than when he solved his first homicide case. That first case never really happened though, he reminds himself. 

Kokichi dug himself into a hole, and he could have tried and tried to claw himself out, but he would never make it alone; it wasn’t his fault that no one was willing to give him a hand and pull him out. And then, the hole became a grave, and Kokichi sacrificed himself (why did he sacrifice himself?) to help them when they did nothing for him. 

He… wants to say sorry.

So, he swallows the saliva in his mouth, trying to clear away the thick feeling in his throat, and looks both ways before entering as if he’s a child about to do something he’s not supposed to. He knows Kaito and Maki would probably have something to say about it - though, that might’ve changed for Kaito after the fifth trial, and Maki probably wouldn’t actually say anything, but he can picture a judgemental look. If Shuichi had to guess who Maki hated the most during the entirety of the game, even after everything, it would doubtlessly be Kokichi; and, he would be right. 

He almost expects Oma to jump up and say, “it’s a lie!” 

He doesn’t, of course. He just lays there, looking sickly and pale. The bags under his eyes are ironic considering how long he - they’ve all - been unconscious. Then again, sleeping more than necessary does that too, he’s heard. 

He swallows more of the dryness clotting his throat and turns away. The room suddenly feels suffocating, like it’s closing in on him, almost like that hydraulic press closed in on Kokichi, the intrusive thought passes through his mind, and he internally scolds himself, stop it, don’t think about it. 

He promises himself that he’ll say sorry when Kokichi wakes up. If, his thoughts remind him, prompting a grimace. 

He visits Miu right after. He knows it’s only to justify himself for visiting Kokichi, but seeing her so quiet and not cracking some crude joke or reference is also so unusual. 

He probably wouldn’t feel sympathetic for her if she hadn’t been the one who ended up dead, but he still can’t fault Gonta for trying to save them all… She planned out a murder, and it’s messed up, it’s so messed up - 

She would’ve gone through with it too. He’s sure of it. 

She’d been so calculating, designing the simulation - (a simulation within a simulation, Shuichi pointlessly notes) - for the sole purpose of murder, and even going so far as to pin the blame on Kaito. He wonders how different things would’ve been if she had succeeded. Not much of one, he supposes. It still would’ve all been fake, fake, fake. Maybe the killing game wouldn’t have been prolonged for as long as it did, not like it would matter. 

Shuichi stews in the thought as he walks back to his room. He’s too tired to think right now. He hopes that everything will stop being so exhausting if he takes a nap, but he knows that’s just wishful thinking.

I also posted it on my Ao3 Account along with chapter three :}

[wherethingscomebackx]

Top 25 Larry Fics of 2018

It’s here you guys!!!

I did this list for 2016 and this list for 2017 and you guys have been so lovely!

I read a lot of fic and the majority of it is larry. I like making lists and I like larry so I thought I’d do some minimal research of the top 25 larry fics published/completed in 2018 in order of least to most kudos (with links). All of these fics are top notch so you should all check them out!

25.) knock knock, i love you by @thelovejandles

“Well,” Louis says, searching for something to relieve this tension. “I think if a bloke gets kicked out of his stats exam for a knock knock joke, he deserves to hear the punchline, yeah?”

“Oh!” Harry says, beaming. “I forgot where we left off, what was it again?” He looks overjoyed to be exchanging a shit joke.

“Ah, you said knock knock, then I said who’s there, and then you said Noah,” Louis supplies helpfully. He hates that he's actually curious about the rest of the joke. “So, Noah who?”

“Oh,” says Harry, in a much different tone, dragging out the syllable. He looks bashful now. Louis cannot keep up with this boy, it's going to kill him. “Right, well.” He shuffles his feet. Fuck, what kind of knock knock joke gets a boy nervous? “Noah a good place we could get something to eat?”

[Harry and Louis get kicked out of a statistics exam for passing a knock knock joke note, and subsequently fall in love. Harry's a virgin, there's a cat, a hot cocoa date, a lot of sex, even more knock knock jokes, and everything is lovely and happy.]

24.) Let Me Be Your Star by @chloehl10

Harry Styles has always been a singer, but he’s never had much confidence in himself. When his idol is brought on as the new judge on The X-Factor, he figures, what the hell? He’d get to sing and meet his idol. What could go wrong?

~

Louis Tomlinson has always wanted to mentor young musicians. When he’s asked to be a judge on The X-Factor, it’s a dream come true, everything he ever wanted. What he didn’t expect was to meet a curly-headed stranger that would turn his life upside down

23.) The Compulsion to Find Love by @toomanylarrytears

The most prestigious English third-level institution, Candling University, accepts omega students for the first time and Louis Tomlinson applies with bright eyes and brighter ambitions. There he encounters personal obstacles, traditional mindsets and a beautiful boy who inverts every prejudice Louis has ever known.

22.) Pursuit by DirtyLarryStylinson

Some people may deceive you by acting pleasant and friendly to begin with, but their demeanour can sometimes take a sinister turn when obsession kicks in.

Louis Tomlinson is seventeen years old and carefree. He has close friends and family, a stable education and a pretty good life overall, so what could go wrong?

Well, a lot. Especially when you've attracted the interest of Harry Styles, who hides a staggeringly frightening secret.

21.) ROUGE by lourryalrightee

Submissive Louis Tomlinson is a misjudged criminal who is accused of beating his own Dominant until unconciousness. But the truth is not like that. In fact, Louis has been a victim of severe abuse by his Dom, he only fought back to defend his own life. One could imagine how many times the Dom has raped the Sub, how many scars from canes and whips are there to litter across his body, how many times his flesh has been split open, how many nightmares he has endured that leaves him lose all hope in life.

Sent to the BDSM prison for "behavioural correction", Louis meets the warden there, Dominant Harry Styles. Dominant above all Dominants, Harry is cold and harsh on the outside, but secretly a lonely man in the inside.

Louis supposes he could find his solace here in prison, a time for his scars to heal, both physical and mental ones. But what if Harry starts befriending the Sub, seeing through all the false accusations? What if Harry wants to seek justice? Does Louis even want his name cleared anyways? But the most important question is,

Will Harry be able to give Louis the love he deserves?

If only Louis could tell him the truth.

20.) Now In A Minute by @avocadolouie

13 feels like yesterday for many people, but for Louis it actually was.

More than anything in the world, Louis Tomlinson dreams of growing up. Simply skipping over all of the awkward, embarrassing years of teenage existence and getting on with life. Real life.

So when thirteen-year-old Louis wakes up in the body of his thirty-year-old self, he expected everything in his adult life to be picture perfect. And maybe it is. He has it all…or so it seems.

Except his favorite person and lifelong best mate, Harry Styles, is totally missing from the equation and Louis doesn’t understand why. He has a lot of catching up to do and as adult life turns out to be more than what he bargained for, Louis can’t help wondering why a life that seemed so perfect, feels so empty.

Or the 13 going on 30 au that should have been done years ago.

19.) Wild Love by purpledaisy

“Good,” Julia says, clearly pleased to have them both uncomfortable and unable to look at each other. “Now, I only have one more question before you can go. What are you planning to do when this experiment ruins your friendship?”

“We said we’d stay friends no matter what,” Harry says smoothly, his chin lifting in defense.

“That was our one thing going into it,” Louis agrees. “Stay friends no matter what.”

Julia raises a perfectly manicured brow, “That’s all fine and good. But I hope you realize your emotions aren’t going to realize this is an experiment in the end. If one of you falls for the other and finds out those feelings are not reciprocated, you’re not going to be able to laugh it off as a social experiment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do this, I’m just hoping you’ve considered all of the possible outcomes.”

- AU: Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It's supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

18.) Take Our Bodies Higher by @littlelouishiccups

Harry wasn’t often caught off guard at his job anymore. He called different men Sir, Master, or Daddy for work almost every week, but he’d never been told he was a good boy in a voice quite like that.

In which Harry is a phone sex operator and Louis dials a wrong number.

17.) You Got That Somethin’ by @styleandsin

“How are you? Having a good time? Got a couple of beers in? What are those?” Louis hears him ask in quick succession, the loudness of the microphone making him jump even though the screams around him have yet to cease.

“It’s vodka,” Louis says, slightly unsure.

“Vodka! Oh, straight?” Harry asks, louder this time and with a growing smile.

Phoebe and Daisy have turned around to face him, huge smiles on their faces.

Fuck, this man is really going to be the death of Louis. He can physically feel his brain struggling to make his body cooperate and answer the question. He is so gay.

“No, gay!” He shouts, immediately getting an elbow to the side by his sister.

Or, the one where Louis attends a Harry Styles concert and makes an absolute fool of himself.

16.) The Road Less Travelled By by @freetheankles

Louis was a lumberjack happy to be living his life alone in what could qualify as Middle Of Nowhere, Canada.

Every morning, he went out into the woods, cut his logs, then came home at dusk to a scalding hot shower and a good book by the fireplace. Rinse and Repeat. He had a good life, quiet and peaceful; simple. Not a secluded one as Niall annoyingly claimed.

Louis certainly didn't need some chatty trespasser dropping into his life, his forest, his home. Invading his space, his circle of friends, touching his stuff, asking questions about his husband. His late husband.

A trespasser who wasn’t supposed to crawl under his skin, occupy his thoughts, and steal his heart from where Louis had locked it safely away, only to put it right back on Louis’ sleeve — where it once laid.

No, Louis definitely didn’t need Harry.

15.) Dirty secret by iilarryii

"Dad, you can't go!" Louis yells to his father as he watches him pull out his sword.

"Louis, you know that I have to. It's the pack leaders orders," Dan says calmly. "I need you to promise me that you'll take care of the family if I die."

"So what? You'll just give up?"

"Of course not. I am just willing to die for my family's safety."

"So am I."

The Zoely pack is attacked by rogue alphas and the pack leader orders all alphas over the age of eighteen to protect their pack. Dan Deakin is one of the strongest alphas in the pack, but there is one problem. He has a wife and six kids to feed and look after. Louis is the oldest child and the one who wants to protect their family.

Or a Mulan AU where Louis is an omega who takes his father's place in the war.

14.) Breathe Me by eternalxrry

Omega Louis thinks he's worthless, after being told thousands of times a day, he finally starts to believe the bullies. But no one is there to protect him, until Harry and his pack move to Louis' hometown. Will Harry protect Louis? Or is it all too good to be true.

13.) The Second Hand Unwinds by @fullonlarrie

Louis Tomlinson is one of the first members of NASA's top secret Chrono Exploration Program. When things go wrong and he's sent further back in time than planned, he has no other option than to show up on his ex-boyfriend's doorstep.

12.) won’t you wear my watermark by @bottomlinsons

The new Earl of Harrisson is a young man, an impulsive romantic, forced to shoulder too much responsibility far too soon. He is also Louis’ soulmate, but there’s nothing to be done about that. At least, as far as Louis is concerned.

The Earl, it seems, will take some convincing.

(A slow burn Regency AU featuring secrets, seduction and, our favourite, soulmarks.)

11.) That’s How I Know by @allwaswell16

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

10.) I Didn’t Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me) by @allwaswell16

These days Louis tends to steer clear of dating alphas. He’s dated too many knotheads in his time, and he’s ready to just focus on school and his friends and his pet monitor lizard, of course.

Too bad the alpha next door won’t take a hint and stop using the worst pick up lines of all time on him. He’s really got to stop laughing with him--and talking to him and walking to class with him and letting him bring him coffee and tea and gifts for his lizard and watching Netflix together and...

9.) Have Faith In Me by stylinsoncity 

As the son of Anne Styles, millionaire owner of one of the world's most luxurious fashion labels, Harry has spent his last seventeen years living in carefree extravagance. And now he's grown tired of it, along with the pressure from his mum to follow in her footsteps and the constant care given to him by her past assistants.

When his mum's newest assistant, Louis, moves into the guesthouse, Harry determines to be treated differently. To be treated like an adult. Except Louis is not at all what Harry was expecting...

This is a story about growing up, growing in love and having the faith to make it last.

8.) falling into you by stylinsoncity

In the grand scheme of adolescence and boyhood, Harry was still working himself out, so far with little luck. But four things he could say for certain: 1) he'd been at the top of his class all through primary and secondary school, 2) he was the shittiest alpha to ever walk the earth, 3) Liam Payne never let him forget it, and 4) he’d been in love with this boy, Louis Tomlinson, ever since he was fifteen years old.

7.) Blue Ice by @larriegal

"Don't ever try to get near me! I don't wanna see you." Harry had slurred in his face looking him in the eye.

"I-I don't understand..." Louis managed to say his voice low, pushing a little from the wall holding his left arm with his right hand.

"What don't you understand? I. DON'T. WANT. YOU!" Harry said again pointing at him, while making his way to the living room, Louis following him in horror.

"Why are you being like this?" Louis managed to get out, though he felt like being ripped to pieces.

"You really thought I love you?! You must be really fucking stupid! Who could even love you?"

•

An AU where Louis finds himself in a marriage he didn't bargain for.

6.) If Anyone Knew by @marastarfar

Harry’s a young alpha who’s strangely gentle. Louis’ an omega who’s strangely protective. Being the only ones in the band who aren’t betas they automatically empathise with each other and decide that it’s their job to look after each other.

Or Harry and Louis through the early One Direction years in an a/b/o universe.

5.) Worth Dying For by whoknows

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Louis says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. In the center of the table, a set of three glossy photos stares up at him, mocking him.

“A security detail is non-negotiable, Louis, you know this,” his mum reminds him, tapping the middle photo with two fingers.

Louis doesn’t look back down at the pictures, gesturing towards them wildly, over-dramatically. “This is not a security detail!” he protests. “This is a lanky college student. In what world do you hire someone like this kid to protect me?”

4.) Fucking Animals by @pointerbrotherblog

“Just, off the record,” she says, voice lower, eyes sharper, crook of her mouth quirking up a little, “don’t you ever miss it? A good knot? You must.”

Louis blinks and then swallows, thickly. “No,” he exclaims, offended that she’d even ask, “I love my husband. And anyway, how could I miss something I’ve never had?”

---

Louis is the frontman of an equal rights-movement, author of a book about beta-omega marriage and the struggles of being born and boxed into a personality you don't necessarily feel you fit. The notion that an omega must want to be with an alpha or else he or she's just settling for less, is bullshit.

But, fucking hell.

3.) the impossible now by stylinsoncity

A wish on Christmas Eve sends Louis to an alternate dimension where Harry is a member of One Direction.

2.) Where You Lay by @ham-palpert

When Louis's upcoming heat threatens his success at his new dream job, he asks the best (and only) person he can think of to help him through it: his best mates' best mate, Harry Styles. Harry reluctantly accepts, and together the two navigate a strange friends with benefits relationship that quickly turns complicated.

1.) For As Long As I Can Remember (It’s Been December) by @greenfeelings

After recovering from a severe accident that causes Harry to lose his memory of three years, he moves to London to start his life over as a star chef. Little does he know that when he falls in love with Louis at first sight, it’s not the first time they meet.

Featuring an unintentional game of hot and cold, Harry chasing memories that won’t come back, Louis burying himself in work to try and forget what he can’t forget, Liam being torn between two of his best friends, Zayn as a moral compass and Niall saving the day with good music and brutal honesty.

[whetstonefires]

Bruce vs Alfred

Oh wow nonny. 😂 You are not pitching slowballs.

I mean I could just say ‘Bruce’ and call it a day but where’s the fun in that.

(I love how all the asks I got for this meme picked the versus option rather than + or ‘or,’ because it’s certainly the most fun but also the one where I have to justify my answers and therefore just wind up hedging myself in a circle because what is objective reality? Not this that’s for sure.)

Okay, so the challenge here is 1) any contrivance used to get them to fight seriously will directly impact the outcome and 2) Alfred’s power level is impossible to meaningfully determine.

Alfred Pennyworth once punched out Deathstroke. Alfred Pennyworth also ran away in a panic to get the 14-year-old next door while Bane was breaking the Bat. Alfred has a murky past working for the British Government and has famously professed a willingness to shoot to kill. Alfred is somewhere between 65 and 140 years old.*

Alfred Pennyworth raised Batman as his third career, and his only real edges are 1) willingness to use lethal force (not applicable against this opponent) and 2) he knows Batman and his methods far better than Bruce knows him.

Bruce on the other hand is larger, stronger, in better practice both mentally and physically, and experienced with far more forms of combat, and Alfred’s kid. (Since the ask says ‘Bruce’ we’ll assume he doesn’t get all his bat toys.)

If you could somehow induce a state in Alfred where he had access to all his expertise on the subject of Bruce but was still willing to kill him…uh, then canon actually says he still lost. Although that was in part because Robin’s mortal peril made Batman panic and get a burst of strength. So maybe one-on-one? But Supervillain Alfred was really buff and had psychic powers, which seems like it throws the odds kind of a lot.

That was the Silver Age anyway.

Red Rain/Bloodstorm/Crimson Mist is an Elseworld and thus also technically irrelevant. But it’s the one where in spite of having staked Bruce at his own insistence, and then regretted later bringing him back because he was no longer himself, and joining a rag-tag team of vampire hunters to put down Evil Vampire Batman, Alfred Pennyworth still chose to spend his last moments spending his lifeblood on resurrecting Bruce again.**

That’s how firmly pro-Bruce-being-alive Alfred is. The edge he can gain from sheer ruthlessness just does not apply here.

It could be neat to put late-20s secret agent Alfred up against late-20s Bruce via time shenanigans and see what happened, especially because there’s a reasonable likelihood Bruce would at some point recognize who he was up against and be thrown off his game, but because of the direction time moves in none at all that Alfred would recognize Bruce.

Of course, the fact that he equally could never have heard of Batman and would necessarily be taken off guard by this man’s lunacy would be a great disadvantage….

Anyway that one would be fun, but I can’t call it. Too little Action Alfred data.

He also loses most of their battles of will, canonically, though of course a lot of that is because they’re usually arguing about what Bruce should do, and he has a lot more control over the outcome than Alfred. The last word, as it were.

In a battle of wits, I will give Alfred 70/30 odds. In a battle of wits with no real stakes, 90/10. I believe that Alfred could set a trap that Bruce would fall right into. Not only because he trusts Alfred and would ignore obvious warning signs of Trap if he knew the situation was under Alfred’s control, but because Alfred would know how to avoid leaving signs that Batman would consider suspicious.

I also believe that considering his total control over most of Bruce’s life, if Alfred ever decided to destroy him, he could succeed without it ever coming to a direct physical engagement. This would be more in the line of spy activity anyway.

That would be interesting, because not only could Alfred tear Bruce’s entire life apart with minimal effort, if he did so without additionally poisoning him to death or otherwise taking one of his many openings to include a component of physical debilitation, and Bruce then came after him…Alfred is also in a position and of a skillset to verbally devastate Bruce to the point that he just gave up. Just went down and didn’t get up again.***

(It is possible to read this as the ultimate arc of the Nolan trilogy tbh, though Bruce’s characterization was so incoherent by the end there that idek.)

Jason would probably cross the line from watching in awed envy to Genuinely Uncomfortable at some point, if he was looking on. It would be brutal.

But on the basic versus level, I’m pretty sure that if Bruce came at Alfred feeling like giving him a beatdown, the only way Alfred was getting out of this without a lot of damage is if he happened to have a taser (or other fast-acting theoretically-nonlethal incapacitating device) in his hand at the time, and deployed it promptly. And even then, only if whatever made Bruce feel extra violent also made him kinda dumb.

*There’s no real likelihood he’s 140, but because he’s composed of Stock British Tropes canon writers keep including bits that suggest he lived through the Late Victorian period, or at least the Edwardian Age, so there is canon support.

**Vampire Batman went on to eat Dick Grayson’s parents. Because go big or go home I guess.

***The fact that Outsider Alfred did not do more of this is attributable to many factors, from ‘Silver Age Alfred had only known Bruce a few years’ to ‘they decided the Outsider was Alfred after inventing him already’ to ‘that was not the style of the times.’ The home coffin delivery by robot Batman and Robin thing was pretty dark tho.

[knittastically]

A Lioness Amongst the Wolves Pt 14

As always thank you for reading, I love to read your comments and if you could reblog that would be fantastic. 

Warning:  Mention of miscarriage and  death of a newborn

Jehanne is grumpy, I can tell it just from the look on her face and she frowns at me as I walk past her to escort Blanche from the Chateau. As Blanche turns to say goodbye she leans in and drops a kiss to my cheek, I stiffen slightly for I am not completely reconciled with her and she knows it.

“Shall I see you on Sunday Isabé?”

“I expect so, I will be at Mass with the Baron”

“When does Raymond return?”

I am losing patience, I can’t stand this forced, polite conversation, I don’t like myself for it but the wound of her not telling me who she really is has cut me deep.

“I have no idea”, I shrug “it will doubtless be when the King gives him leave to come home” My voice is flat and clipped.

Blanche’s smile never drops, her voice never wavers and she fixes a smile on her face. “I am sure he will be home as soon as he can Isabé.” She takes hold of my hands but I pull them away after only a brief moment.

“I must go, there is much to do and we have spent a long time talking with each other, Jehanne is waiting.”

She is being dismissed by her own daughter but she holds herself in check and gives little away, though her eyes are a little glassy.

“I understand my dear, I won’t keep you any longer”

She nods “Until Sunday then” and makes her way down to the steps, to where Julot waits for her to help her up into the saddle. Does she look up at me and wave, I have no idea for I am already back in the hall.

“You, look like shit Isabé” Jehanne stands hands on hips and stares at me with a sour look on her face.

“Hmmph, and you have a face like an Alaunt chewing a wasp.” I spit back at her.

Laughing she links her arm through mine and pulls me against her side “It will all come right about you know she is the same woman that raised you, what difference does it make what name she goes by she has always loved you.”

“You have clearly been talking to the Baron, he said almost the same”

“He is right, you should reconcile yourself, for fear it eats away at you; so are you going to tell me about it or not”

“This is what I like about you Jehanne” I waggle a finger at her. “Straight to the point, as always you just jump in with your big feet and ask”

“I see no virtue in waiting to hear a third hand tale” she winks “which would doubtless be wrong”

“Well if you really want to know I will tell you as we clean, it’s nothing very interesting really” 

We make for the chamber next to mine, it looks like it has been used as a storage room for years and before we can begin every stick of furniture, every pot, chest and tapestry needs to be hauled into the corridor. It is so damned hot that we are sweating and lathered like draught horses in minutes.

“So who is your father Isabé” Jehanne’s voice is bright with excitement and curiosity.

“Oh that is the one thing Blanche was careful not to tell me, no matter how often I asked she evaded or even flatly refused to tell me”

“But for God’s sake why would she not tell you?

“All she said was that he had made her promise not to and he would tell me himself when he felt the time was right” I sling a chipped jug out onto an old mattress, my aim is good but there is too much force, it bounces onto the floor and shatters. I cannot even be bothered to swear, just roll my eyes and hiss breath out in a long sigh.

“So I may never know” I could feel the tears ready to fall and I dash them away with the back of my hand. 

Without another word I start to push at one of three remaining chests, trying to move it towards the door, Jehanne shakes her head at me and comes to help.  Grunting and groaning we shove and heave them into the corridor.

“Isabé, sit down for a moment, sit and talk with me” I lean back against the cool wall and let myself slide down to the floor. Jehanne follows suit and sits close, our arms touch. For a moment I just hug my knees to my chest and then it all spills out.

Their meeting in ’87, a pretty farmer’s daughter and the youngest son of a wealthy official. A love affair cut short when, as was the way, he was packed off to a life of celibacy, obedience and prayer at Jumièges Abbey. His swift move from postulant to Junior and then his appointment as Cellarer was remarkable, no doubt his family’s generous gifts to the Abbey of both land and money eased his path and gave the Abbot reason to keep him. Though by all accounts he was a handful and often kicked against the goads of authority.

I give an unladylike sniff and let loose a hiccoughing laugh. 

Jehanne hugs me closer, “So he was troublesome and rebellious” She smirks at me.

“Hmmm, it seems he was always at odds with his superiors” I grin back at her, “He  didn’t stay a Black Monk for too long.”

“Then you must be your father’s daughter,  I can see where both your obstinacy and sense of justice come from!”

She gives a false yelp and feigns hurt, as I smack her arm but she is laughing at me and of course she is right. I continue the tale of how he came back to Rouen to find that Blanche had left to go and stay with her Sister and Brother in Law, Marielle and Thomas Pelletier. That he had no time to search for her as he had taken service with the Baron and joined the ranks of his company, all of them seemingly  hell bent on getting themselves killed in a Holy War. Already under orders to leave the soldiers were ready to move out, he had no option but to go.

“But surely he was not a fighter, not a soldier” Jehanne frowns at me.

“Oh, it seems he never gave up his training and practiced in secret but of course he was found out, another mark against him.”

I manage a weak smile, then shiver a little and squeeze at Jehanne’s hand.

“Isabé, please, if you don’t wish to tell me more then don’t, I know I am a nosy baggage but I have no wish to see you in distress.” 

Burning tears prick my eyes and now I begin to feel some remorse for how I have behaved to Blanche. “It did not end well Jehanne.”

I lean into my friend as she slides her arm about my shoulders.

“Marielle was overjoyed, she too was expecting their first child and was glad of the help, it did not matter to her that Blanche was not married and it seemed she was settled and safe. The birth was hard and the child survived for only a few hours but Thomas named her Ève, and at least she was baptized, but Marielle was so very weak and only lived for a few more days. Blanche is sure that she gave up on life, that she died of a broken heart as much as much as the fever.”

The tears start again, I let them fall fast and hot as I remember the pain and heartache of losing my own child so early, that poor scrap of life. Jehanne understands for she was there, my dearest friend, who helped me, a naïve girl who did not really know what was happening. 

I think on how harrowing it must be, to carry a Child all that time only to see it lose the fight to survive and I wonder if there is there a God? 

I push on, stuttering out my words with a ragged, uneven breath, telling of how Thomas was good to us at first, letting us stay on after I was born and that he doted on me until something evil worked into his brain and he sought solace in wine, more so after the anniversary of their deaths. To him Blanche was responsible, she had not done enough, had not been vigilant enough. He called her a whore and a slut and wondered how he could have allowed such a lecherous bitch take care of his beloved Marielle.”

Jehanne gasps in her breath. “The Arsehole, the bastard” what was he thinking?” She hisses between her teeth then strokes at my hair and makes soothing noises. 

“We could not stay, not when he started to become free with his fists or his belt. Blanche was in fear for our safety and the only place she could think to go was Madame Bouvier’s. One night when Thomas passed out again from too much wine, she bundled up only what she could carry, though she made sure to take some coin and he was so drunk he did not even realise she was rifling through the coin pouch on his belt.” 

“She should have taken the whole purse from that shit”

I Shake my head at her,” No she would not do that she took only what she felt was her due”

“Remember” I rest my cheek atop my knees and look across at her. “His heart was broken and it seemed that his mind was following.”

She snorts at me and her eyes flash with anger, “Don’t you dare, don’t you damned well dare make excuses for him Isabé”

I ignore her, for I never heard Blanche speak ill of him.

Recounting how with a sling across her body to carry me, Blanche walked away from that place, pausing only to say a prayer at the grave of Marielle and Ève. I tell more the story before I can forget the things Blanche has told me, the nights sleeping in barns or even in the open, that she begged rides on carts when she could and for a while joined with a group of nuns, then later walked with Pilgrims heading here to Rouen to seek a blessing at the Cathedral before they set off to Santiago. There were always plenty of people on the road and it seems that on the journey back here, I became Isabé Pelletier her niece, child of her late sister. 

The pain in my head has worsened, like an ever beating drum the thumping sensation is relentless, and my eyes are gritty and sore.

“Isabé, you look so weary, stop now, tell me the rest later hein”

“I think I shall burst if I don’t tell someone whilst it is fresh in my mind and who better than you my friend,” I smile broadly at her “My sister” 

I see a flush settle on her cheeks, “Don’t be so silly Isabé.”

“Truly Jehanne, you are like a sister to me” Her blush deepens and she shakes her head.

“But you survived Isabé”

“Indeed, Madame Bouvier confirmed Blanche’s story to whoever asked and no matter what anyone thought in private, no one challenged her to her face. It was she that told Blanche my Father had left to fight in the Holy War” 

“When Hénri returned from fighting, Blanche helped to care for him, I think he had always held a place in his heart for her, twice he proposed marriage, and twice she refused.  Finally she told him she was waiting for my father’s return but when he heard the name, he had to break the news to her that he had seen him fall on the battlefield and that although he had watched his body carried away he was sure he had not survived.”

“Poor, poor Blanche” I sigh, “to hear such news after waiting so long, it must have felt like a blow.”

Tears are still not far away and my voice cracks, “Yes a short love affair, but I know now that he was the only man she truly loved, indeed still loves, Hénri knows it too.”

“But your father is alive is he not?” 

“Oh yes and somewhere in Rouen, he returned many months after the other survivors and found Blanche married and already pregnant with Guillaume.”

“Sweet Mary Mother of God, he must have hated her for that.

“No, No Jehanne it seems that in spite of being rebellious he is also a very forgiving and practical man, for that matter so is Hénri and he never forbade my father the right to visit Blanche or me, though I have no memory of anyone in particular, we had so many visitors once we moved to the Manor.”

“Do you know why he returned so long after the others?”

“Blanche would not say, it seems that is histale to tell.”

I hear the bitter note in my voice, I can’t help it for I fear that I shall never know the truth of it.

Jehanne scrambles to her feet and reaches down to clasp my hand, standing quickly I grow dizzy and sway a little as everything goes black.

“Isabé what is it, are you well? 

“Just a little light headed”

“For God’s sake when did you last eat, I know you had nothing before you went to the Mason’s yard”

As I frown at her I think back.

“I don’t know, yesterday perhaps, yes, yesterday, midday.”

“Idiot, all this upset and upheaval, the cleaning, Raymond going to Paris and not least Blanche”

“That’s why I forgot with all this shit happening” I snap back at her, “Christ, you’re not my mother, so don’t speak to me as if you are.” I stare wide eye at her and bite at my bottom lip as I realise the stupidity of what I have just said.

“Jehanne I...” She cut’s me off, but she smiling.”

“Kitchen, Now!” She bellows at me. “I will carry on here”

“Alright, Alright I’m going, I need to speak with Fournier anyway”

Jehanne rolls her eyes and shakes her head, then leans forward to kiss my cheek.

“You will need to be fit for Raymond coming home, he will want a wife who can match his energy and from what I have seen so far he has plenty of that” She winks and leers at me “Now go”

I make my way down the stairs and across to the screens passage. A blast of hot air hits me as I enter the kitchens, in the centre of the room the Seneschal stands straight as a spear and whilst everyone else wilts in the heat he seems indifferent to it.

Shorter than Fournier by at least a foot, the Chef stands toe to toe with him and cranes his neck. He is clearly agitated, though with all the noise I can’t hear what he is saying.  I smile for what he lacks in height the smaller man makes up for in build, his ruddy, sweaty face is contorted into an angry mask and as he speaks he waves his arms around. This would hardly matter were it not for the fact that he clutches a large knife in his right fist and in his left, a cleaver, both of which seem to swipe perilously close to the Seneschal.

Fournier stands as calm as if he were being addressed by a venerable old Aunt, when he speaks it seems to infuriate Chef all the more, until finally he quietens, gives a curt nod  and stomps off to another part of his domain.

The Seneschal misses nothing, he knows I’m there, I saw him slide a sideways look at me as I entered the kitchen and he strides across and bids me good morning.

“Good Day to you Monsieur Fournier, if you have time I should like to speak with you about the wedding” I smile up at him. “I may be the Bride but I know nothing of the arrangements and as Sieur Raymond has been called to Paris not even the date is settled.”

“Of course I have time Mam’selle, but it is just Fournier.”

I nod my head and notice his grey eyes are almost silver in this light.

“First though if I may, I should like some food, I have been so busy that I have not eaten since midday yesterday”

“We must set that to rights Mam’selle , what can I have brought for you?” 

“I must admit I have no real appetite some cheese and bread will suffice” 

He waves a kitchen maid over and speaks in a low voice, as she scurries away he guides me across the kitchen to where a large table and two chairs are wedged in a corner. 

“Mam’selle my office.”

“Forgive me, but I should have thought that as Seneschal you would have your own private office”

“Oh indeed I do, close by the Baron’s quarters, but this is convenient for the day to day business of the Chateau and everyone knows where to find me. The other is for more private matters with the Baron or Sieur Raymond, besides I like the bustle and the noise in here.”

He gestures towards the chair nearest to me “Please, sit” He waits until I do before he settles into the other.

The dark wood of the table is battered and ink stained, on it an earthenware jug, two beakers, ink pot, quills and four neat stacks of parchment sheets arranged in front of him. Each, one weighted down by some object, an unusually shaped and coloured stone, a small wooden box, a carved stone hand missing two fingers, and on one, what looks to be the remains of a child’s toy, battered and broken now but unmistakeably a small wooden horse. Something about that discarded toy strikes at my heart, it makes me feel desperately sad.

Taking two sheets of parchment from the stack beneath the stone hand and one from each of the others, he runs a long finger down the columns of words and figures on each sheet and reads out each item. His attention to detail is impressive.

As he speaks my food is brought across, so much for bread and cheese, I widen my eyes and smile at him. A dish of peaches, fresh young cheese and warm bread, a dish of honey, thick slices of ham, a dish of almonds with spices, enough for three at least.

I pull some bread, spread it thickly with the cheese and drizzle it with a little honey then sink my teeth into the soft, sweet, salty, tangy whiteness. “Delicious, thank you” “My pleasure” He leans back in his chair “So Mam’selle as you see everything is well underway.” His smile is broad and generous. “Whatever supplies we cannot provide for ourselves will be brought in, they will begin to arrive tomorrow, though of course it will be only be those items which will not perish in this heat. The rest we can arrange when.” he smiles across at me “When Sieur Raymond advises me of the date”

“I understand perfectly Fournier” and I smile back in sympathy “I too should be delighted to know exactly when he has decided drag me before the Priest.” I am rewarded by a rumble of laughter and his eyes glitter “Indeed Mam’selle, indeed!  Though I am given to understand that the Archbishop will conduct your wedding at the Cathedral. As for quests the number is already at,” he rifles through his lists “One hundred and fifty three and should His Majesty deign to grace us with his presence, the number will increase markedly” I gasp, “His Majesty?” my voice is no more than a squeak. Fournier pours wine into a beaker and passes it to me, my fingers tremble as I raise it to my lips to take a sip. “Sieur Raymond is held in very high regard by the King, so personally, I think it is more likely than not that he will attend.”

“Then thank goodness we have started to clean the Chateau.” I sip at my wine and watch him from under my lashes as he rearranges the sheets of parchment.

“I think you will be a good friend Fournier, another ally”

We sit in silence as I eat, enjoying the delicious, simple food.

“I must go Fournier, thank you for the food and for what you have told me” I rise to leave and he accompanies me to the screens passage.

“Should there be anything else you need Mam’selle, you know where to find me”

I smile up at him, “Oh you have everything well in hand, I don’t think for one moment I shall need to trouble you much at all”

He nods, smiles “As you wish Mam’selle but you are most welcome here at any time and I have some ideas for the feast that you may like to hear, I was” he chooses his word “I was discussing them with DuFour as you as you arrived.”

“Yes I saw, is he always so excitable?”

“Oh sometimes far worse but,” he taps the side of his nose “Humbert DuFour is a master of his craft, he is an artist, the King has tried to entice him away more than once.

“He really is that good?”

“Oh indeed and I know he would be delighted if you would come and taste some of the wonderful dishes he is creating for your special day.”

I look across to where Chef DuFour is working, rapt in concentration, his brow deeply furrowed

“I will not disturb him now, but would you tell him please that it would be my pleasure?”

“Of course Mam’selle, though I fear it will make him even more unbearable, God help us” His laugh rumbles up again.

“Thank you for your time Fournier, for everything.”

“It is what I do” He shrugs and bids me good day.

There is a brightness to Fournier’s eyes, a soft indulgent smile on his lips and as Isabé walks away he smiles and whispers.

“How could I not do this for my own Daughter?”

Raymond and his Captain Mathieu Descoteaux ride side by side. A Sadness works deep into Raymond, sadness and disappointment, that Guillame of all people should be working against him, it has cut his heart.

“Keep your eyes on him when I cannot Mathieu, I hope I may yet save him if he is not in too deep” Mathieu gives him a searching look, Raymond nods, for if Guillaume cannot be pulled from this mire there is only one solution “If needs be then he must die, either at my hand or yours Descoteaux”

“Understood Sieur, Understood.” And with a nod the Captain reins away to ride a horses length behind his lord.

Raymond, pulls a corner of Isabé’s veil from his tunic. It is a little grubby now but still carries her scent of roses and he breathes it in, then unseen, he presses the cloth against his lips before tucking it away again.

“Sweet Christ all I want is not to have to do this shit anymore, to be home with you in my arms”

He closes his eyes for a moment, smiles and whispers her name.

**To reach the position of Cellarer as a Benedictine Fournier would have had to serve a much longer period than he did. From Postulant to Novice and Junior could have taken at least 4 years if not longer. So I’m taking licence here and using the premise that family would have gifted the Abbey a substantial sum of money or land and that would have “eased” his progress. I have tried to keep other timelines correctly fitted, but hey my sandpit my rules.

[sepiadice]

Tales of Genius Ch. 3: Blossomforth Brides Pt. 1

(1/26/2019)

I’ve been wanting to get to this session for years. Literal years. Since the overly dramatic high school group, when I first introduced and used North Fort in a Pathfinder session, then reiterated on for years after, always dying to do this campaign.

What feels like a decade later,[1] we finally reach Blossomforth.

Shorter session this time. Limited player availability, late start, arguments over the difficulty dice in magic, my usual distraction making dinner.[2] The usual.

Hopefully I can coordinate sessions more often, since we actually stopped two-thirds of the way through my plans.

I’ll have to actually figure out what happens next. Dang.

CAST

Eli Roberts: (Played by Lyons) Child of Clio. Doctor, travelling to write a medical text akin to Gray’s Anatomy. He’s an Intellectual! Older gentleman, hits on women to fluster the GM.

Olivia Grayson: (Played by Maddie) Child of Thalia. Apprentice to Eli. Believes her Squirrel-raccoon companion is her boyfriend reincarnated. Murdered a dude, stole his clothes.

Fromthe: (Played by Jose) Child of Calliope. Military veteran and current mercenary. Also has some mercantile ambitions. Doing fine.

Jean De Ferrero: (Played by Anthony) Child of Terpsichore. Travelling con artist. Took aforementioned murder victim’s gun.

So we pick up where we left off last time: standing outside the Soldier’s Rest Mayor’s office, Eli with a letter. I had an idea for what they encounter if they backtracked to North Fort,[3] if they stay,[4] and of course if they actually move forward.

This is why it’s handy to be loose with session planning: gives you extra room to think up threads for other locations if the party goes rogue and wants to go back or over there. If you intend to mostly wing it, you can write out a couple sentence-long ‘this is a possibility’ suggestions, and be prepared to improv if you get called on it!

But the players tend to be good at minding my overly obvious plot threads. Maybe in an overly meta way. I have to learn subtlety.

Anyways, the party reviews the plot, and figures out how to advance. Namely, by going south to the nearest train station in Blossomforth.

They get a wagon ride and arrive about a half day later, in the evening.

Blossomforth is an agricultural town well regarded for its Strawberry Wine, which is exported even beyond the borders of Astree. Small town, traditional, and because I’d watched a Let’s Play of Night in the Woods, there’s a subtle undercurrent of the younger folks moving away and the older folks being afraid of the town fading away.

Eli happens to know someone in the town whose son he saved.[5] William lets Eli and pals stay at his home, noting his son moved to Taffyport and works at a factory.

Which is the first canon mention of Taffyport.

Unfortunately, due to winter, the trains aren’t running up to Blossomforth just yet. That’ll have to wait until after the Forest Bride Festival.

You see, every year, a little before spring, the town gathers to prepare for planting season and celebrate surviving winter. They open a barrel of Strawberry Wine prepared during the last Harvest Festival, dance, sing, play booth games, send a maiden into the woods for an ancient ritual, feast. That sort of stuff.

The party joke about human sacrifices. William gets uncomfortable. After some needling from Dr. Roberts, William comes clean:

The titular Forest Brides are supposed to come back. Historically, they do! Bring in a bottle of wine and food, supposedly talk to the local deity,[6] then come home.

The last two never came back. So the town’s divided. Be Tevye and continue tradition, or maybe stop losing girls to the woods... Forest? I’m not clear on that.

Anyways, Olivia hears forest and wants to go that way. We really need to examine why she’s learning medicine from Eli if she hates people so much.

The party manages to talk her into waiting for morning.

The next morning, she immediately heads towards the woods. The rest of the party follow. So I move a character from town to the woods so I can do the plot.

This is Ms. Marian Shepherd. In another, more elf-inhabited universe, the niece she shares a name with is often called Trix.[7]  Marian’s trying to get a pair of town guards to let her into the woods to investigate. Both Eli and Jean try to flirt, but Ms. Shepherd is more concerned about one of her pupils, Maryanne Diane, being this year’s Bride. Olivia hides amongst the trees.

Fromthe is businesslike, so she mostly deals with him.

She says they’d need to get permission from the town council, and agrees to take the party to them.

Olivia senses magic. There’s a lot of magic. Unfamiliar magic yet similar to what the party sensed in the mines they’d come from.

The party goes to where the festival preparations are happening and meet with the town council, who Eli decides he knows. I compromise, but mostly ignore the personalities he ascribes. We have Briggs, Sarah, and the third member who never got a name.[13] The party try to negotiate permission to investigate, mostly to Briggs.

Briggs is initially hesitant, but slowly comes around. The first Bride to go missing was his granddaughter, Ashley, but it’s not impossible she used the chance to run away and find a new life elsewhere. Fading town subplot, after all.

Councilwoman Sarah is opposed and doesn’t particularly like Eli, and tradition demands no trespass in the woods. Argue argue.

The third councilman, who most falsely assume is senile, speaks up and gives permission. As he’s the oldest person in a town that operates on a Town Elder system of governance, it’s the final word.

Briggs gives them a permission slip.

They invite Ms. Shepherd along, but she concedes she has nothing to offer, and was only trying to get into the woods so someone would be looking into things. Now someone is.

Into the woods.

The party follows the source of the odd magic, and eventually come upon a woman sitting on a boulder, eating a Corned Beef Sandwich with extra mayonnaise.[8] She introduces herself as Isabelle.

Oh, and Isabelle is wearing the same robes as the man Olivia murdered in the mine, and a rabbit skull mask. She also does not like seeing Olivia wearing the cloak and snake skull mask she looted, and demands to be allowed to burn it.

Olivia refuses, and after the party try to convince her to give the items up, Jean just grabs the mask, and eventually Olivia agrees to give up the cloak.

Turns out she’s here for the same reason as the party, more or less, and as they walk deeper into the forest, she provides some exposition.

She’s a Dark Shepherd, a secret society dedicated to maintaining cosmic balance and the traditions of Deep Magic, sometimes called dark magic or blood magic and the like. But it’s not really a morality thing, don’t worry.

The guy killed in the mines, however, belonged to a splinter group: the Feral Oaths. They think covering the land in iron and the growth of industry is bad and should be undone to return to the old ways.

She also says that, while deeply tragic, killing the giant snake in the mines may have been necessary, and doesn’t condemn the group. And while the loss of life is always sad, the man Olivia murdered[9] was a Feral Oath, so screw him.

They reach a clearing in the center of the forest. There’s a serene pond with a small island in the center with a tree on it. Isabelle takes a moment, concludes she doesn’t actually know if there’s a proper ceremony nor how to perform it, so she just sits.

A massive deer emerges.[10] The tree, as it turns out, is part of an antler. He’s really big.

He speaks. Probably in the mortals’ minds for the time being, but I didn’t specify that since I needed to get to a dramatic hanger.

So he’s been lonely. No one came last winter. Or the winter before that.

Which means the brides haven’t reached their destinations.

Huh.

Thus ends the session.

This is actually a little earlier than I planned, so I’ll have to figure out how to fill out the next session. I already have the general path Eli’s following, and I have schemes prepared for Fromthe and Olivia. I need to figure out something for Jean De Ferrero.[11] Probably should just talk to the player. Like a reasonable GM.

Lessons learned: nothing concrete comes to mind! I’m feeling more comfortable behind the screen, even though I still feel an amount of inadequacy. And I still need to confront my anxieties about my voice and speech impediment[12] before I can shift into a podcast project, but practice is always important. And hopefully a group that can lend gentle criticism and maybe argue about the magic rules less.

I think a good background thing is that it’s okay to have sidequests and plans that need to be triggered like a video game, and not to close options because the players didn’t jump on them. Narrative time is flexible, things can get moved, cooperate with players and grant them the chance to do what they feel is pressing and/or fun in the moment without sacrificing story or investment.

Until next time, may your dice make things interesting.

-

[1] Can’t be bothered to do the math. Write up should be on this blog.| [2] Everytime I tell myself ‘Next time, casserole’. Then I make something with curry. [3] Fun fact: in North Fort, I had a vague concept for what would happen if they decided to screw the catacombs/mine, and instead try going North to ask for help. Also an explanation the North Fort mayor would give for not trying this himself. [4] Both events could still trigger. Heh heh. [5] Lyons has picked up on my willingness to accept things that circumvent minor problems or non-issues. Would’ve let them grab an inn, but it doesn’t actually matter. He also names everyone because I’m garbage at names and haven’t enacted any solutions to said garbage. [6] Who isn’t a wolf that resides in wheat, and don’t you suggest I wear my inspiration blatantly on my sleeve! [7] Original, Pathfinder plan was this was a retired Trix, but things shifted, and Ms. Shepherd doesn’t have the right personality. [8] She needs the calories. [9] There were some lies about what happened, since he didn’t get a shot off, or really provide any characterization himself. [10] I decided to reference Princess Mononoke moments before I utilized it. So add it to the list of things I blatantly rip off. [11] Maybe he can found a confection company? [12] This has been occurring more often at work than the table, but still. [13] Lyons said third council-guy is name Lysander. I don’t recall this happening, so it’s a footnote of dubious canon now.

[sparda3g]

Attack on Titan Chapter 107 Review

The more answers we deserved, the more miseries we earned. Even so, a new question is around the corner. This series continues to be a case of everything gone wrong. The upcoming anime season is almost here and it may be the medicine I need now. It was once a series that contained uplifting spirits, a new hope, and triumphant victories. The moment Eren wished to destroy the world (technically speaking), it all went straight to hell. This chapter answered questions, asked new ones, brought the fans to despair, and a sign of a downhill spiral to be continued.

The last chapter felt like a trend of good news and happiness. Under the surface, however, it was filled with consequences and this chapter exploits it with more concerns to be aware of. Eren is in jail and after this chapter, you would be wishing for him to stay there forever. I know he’s the savior in a sense, but his attitude has gotten rotten before his body has.

Hange went to visit him to discuss about the fallout. Two pages in, you will immediately notice the difference from their past days. I still remember how fun their chemistry were, especially when Hange endlessly talked about titans as Eren lost his sleep. Those days are so gone. She clearly tries to start a conversation, but Eren keeps ignoring her until he got fed up of her chatter. I felt bad for her when she remembers their first meeting; you can sense her sadness in her eye. Sadly for her, it’s only going to get worse.

The chapter then enters another flashback that takes place two years ago. Unlike the last time, this one is filled with shadiness and a choice that leaves no guaranteed promises. I like Yelena. I feel like I can trust her the most at the moment, which eerily doesn’t say much. Her expression about the promising day looks genuine; I can believe she truly feels hopeful.

The question about the Hiruzu’s presence at Marley is answered and it turns out they are working together with Paradis Island. It was expected but I’m glad we got that out of the way. I also like the small info of Hiruzu’s legacy that addressed their allegiance with the Eldian Empire. They also have a history of staying at the island; more reasons to side with them. The real interesting part is the connection between them and Mikasa.

Mikasa had a strange feeling of Kiyomi, the Ambassador, because of resembling appearance. Yelena chimed in and said that they are blood relative. That’s funny, because someone in the discussion board once thought Kiyomi is Time-skip Mikasa. I guess that fan wasn’t far off. To establish the connection, the family crest is a solid proof and Mikasa has a mark that was passed down from her mother. I don’t like how Eren essentially forced her to show it in a dominant fashion.

Kiyomi and others were awed by Mikasa. She recited that it has been rough for a nation, but seeing her on the island gave her newfound hope. So much so, Mikasa is now billed as Hiruzu’s hope. That’s quite the status to carry. I am intrigued though, since this could grant us a bigger focus on her background outside of being the protector of her only family. Nice to see Historia being playful to Mikasa’s once secret; it’s so like her. How charming it is to see Historia in high spirit…

The question about Zeke and Kiyomi’s alliance is answered, but one past info has been corrected. Zeke tried to reason with them that he’s the true Eldian Restoration Movement member. They knew about his history about turning against his parents, but he followed up with his reason. Before, it looked like he was a loyalist to Marley by selling his parents out. Now, he claimed that he only did so because he thought his parents were sloppy and would only fail in the end. Hooray?

If he didn’t act, Marley troops would have searched for the rebels and everything would have been gone. Zeke went with the option that would reward him in which we can clearly see now, but at a price of his parents, of course. Context or not, it’s still messed up. He reasoned with Kiyomi heavily, including noting that Marley has no knowledge of his royal blood. Probably the most convincing point of his argument was the vertical maneuvering equipment.

I was wondering when his discovery a while back would come into play. The inner depth of its functionality is what sold her. The equipment can only work if it contains a special kind of fuel called “iceburst stone.” Supposedly, they haven’t been mined outside of Paradis Island and yet, people don’t know its significant value except Hiruzu. With that type of resource, they will be wealthy as hell. It even has Kiyomi drooling over. I find that pretty shady. The sign of power hungry is there and with Mikasa being involved, I don’t like the possibility.

Everyone in the floor room discussed the three parts of “Earth-flattening.” The first part is pretty much intimidate the world by revealing some of their strength in public. The second part is Hiruzu’s part. The goal is to raise the military strength up to a global level that require no need for the weapon. It doesn’t sound so bad so far. The major downside is the time gap along with the third part.

Because of Paradis Island had been isolated from the rest of the world for 100 years, establishing a modern army would take a lot of time. How long? At least 50 years. At least we know what timeline the epilogue will take place. So how can they continue the process? By passing down the Beast Titan to the one with a royal blood. That’s right. Historia must become a titan shifter. That’s not all. She must give birth as many children as possible. Her charm just died…

I got to give Hange a credit for thinking logically and how the plan isn’t guaranteed for success, let alone the amount of time they have to wait. There’s plenty of chances to backfire, including relying on the future born children. Not to mention, they have to deal with users get chowed down to pass the torch. That would be fun to watch, right? Historia does agree to inherit the Beast Titan when the time comes. I know it’s her personality and I like that, but I don’t want her to be forced.

Eren decided to go with the “polite” choice and objected the plan. I guess I should applaud him to try to find another way, but realistically speaking, he’s the one that brought Historia into the subject of interest for all the wrong reason. Beside, with the knowledge that he declined the offer and tried to find alternative option, the present time now have me feeling bitter and disappointing. It also made Eren more of a prick than anything else. Care about his friends became a rare gem.

What comes next is a startling scene. Back in present, Hange has been trying to talk with Eren in a normal comradeship manner, but Eren proceeds to go somewhat crazy. He recalls that he ate the War Hammer Titan, so he possess a new ability in his arsenal. With that in mind, things go dark fast once Eren more or less threatens Hange.

The way how he intimidate her is unnerving but very alarming for where the story is heading. He pretty much said that he can escape at any time, so you can say he’s only there out of generosity. He’s still working with Survey Corps, but it’s how arrogant he came across that matters. What’s worse is he became way too cocky on his safety from anyone. It’s true that they need him and Zeke, but to use that notion to mock them is equivalent to a contract that allows the user to smack you all day and you can’t touch him without getting your family killed.

All of his anger is taken on her and she has no way to control his emotion. The only way she can “solve” is to walk off. It’s sad to see her failing as a Commander; at least when dealing with Eren. It’s no wonder she was upset of Erwin choosing her to take the role. Not saying she can’t be a good one, but the role was given untimely.

Speaking of sadness, the graveyard scene gets extended with Nicolo trying to pay his respect for Sasha. It’s the same guy who has a crush on her. I thought it was a small gag moment, but it’s actually neat that he has more role to fill. Connie’s lines hit me in the feels really good. He’s one character that I know well had connection with Sasha. Considering a friend like a twin sibling is always a strong indication of how significant that person meant. The line, “Losing half of me,” did it for me.

Not too long ago, I remember Anime Season 2 covered Sasha’s character, family and such, so I was glad to see her father return once again. It’s just a damn shame he returns now for this. No parents should bury their child. I want to salute Nicolo for being a man to honestly introduced himself and offer Sasha’s family to eat his dishes, free of charge. Only a chapter and a half and I already like this guy. For once, there’s one happy note out of this time-skip.

Before the chapter could end, it goes through a reel of developments from multiple locations. To begin with, Yelena brings the titanization formulas to the Survey Corps, only to get backstabbed soon after. Amazing how much more they are coming off more of a villain. In their defense, Pixis is taking a precaution measure, more so than portraying a full fledge villain. Still, it’s a selfish move; more reason to side with others.

Levi continues to treat Zeke like crap as much as possible without resorting to kill by giving him a “hotel.” It’s a good looking one; you can get a great view of the landscape. Seriously, he has to stay at the Titan Forest since it lacks resources for his Beast Titan to use. It’s a safe option I suppose. Zeke does find it interesting; would like Falco and Gabi to see it. Man, he really is a noble guy after everything that happened in the past. I guess he does have a sincere heart.

I can’t say the same for Gabi though. She and Falco pull an act for the guard to buy into her “sickness.” He then gets clobbered by a brick for a knockout, but she goes one extra step that essentially kills him. That shot to the head was brutal. Was that really necessary? She’s still traumatized by everything. It’s bad enough that she trusts no one in Paradis Island, but because of Zeke’s reveal, she doesn’t trust anyone now. I don’t know what lies ahead for her but death can come really soon if not calm.

Reiner finally wakes up. I wonder how long it has been since the battle. It’s strangely good to see others in Marley doing fine; lately, I feel Paradis Island truly are the devil. I don’t know if it’s a hint for a power or it’s a spiritually speaking, but he sensed Gabi and Falco from afar. In fact, he said he heard them. Again, not sure what direction am I supposed to take, but I’ll keep this in mind.

The last development is the most gut-punching one. We have seen nearly every original character in their time-skip design. We were missing Historia. This chapter finally introduces her time-skip self, watching the sun. At first, she was shown as a mystery since the panel was angled behind her. It was until the man calls her name that we learn it’s her. But the megaton is her appearance. She’s alive alright, but now, she’s pregnant. Who’s the father? It’s not Eren, that’s for sure. Being a pairing fan is suffering.

Seriously, this was hard to comprehend. She’s forced to give birth and the plan wasn’t established as far as I’m concerned. They’re supposed to wait, but here we are. It’s bad enough to see Historia all cheery in the past, now looking done with this world. The view shot of a woman sitting and watching the sun tends to mean a broken person.

All of this could have been avoided if Eren didn’t say anything after Zeke spoke about a potential to free Eldians. Eren is like the protagonist from a video game that revolve choices (ex. Life is Strange). In the past, he chose the right morale choices for the most part. As of late, he decided to go renegade or dominant, so all of his choices have been nothing but destructive to his friends. Did someone take a controller and decide to make Eren a tyrant or something? What a mess…

This was a pretty interesting chapter that continue to answer the questions we asked, only to ask more. With each new info, it leaves more and more discomforting thoughts for the future. At this rate, it might as well end Evangelion style if everyone’s future has an early dead end. There are multiple paths to look forward to, yet at the same time, feeling uneasy. Historia is pregnant and one would wonder if this is a secret or not. Eren has been drowning to the renegade’s route. There’s no way to undo it. He can only deal with it.