#otherwise i’m going to implode

[thatskindarough]

Celebrating the last day of the full time job before I get to go back to only 1-2 days because of school. GET ME OUTTA HERE

[bluntforceboy]

i try not to make every series about bl but something about suho x sieun…

they absolutely have that quietly devastating, “i would kill for you and then feel bad about it later—but not that bad” kind of love and no one can convince me otherwise. like. they are so insanely emotionally bonded in a way that is not normal for two teenage boys who allegedly just became friends after someone got the lights knocked out of them.

like we’re talking about a boy (suho) who deadass let this scrawny genius rage-robot (sieun) into his orbit, no questions asked, no judgment, just stood beside him like “oh you’re a problem? cool, i fight problems.” and then somehow in the process became his safe place. became the first person sieun chooses to look at when shit goes south. and you know sieun doesn’t choose anyone lightly. this is a boy who calculates every move like a chessboard but when suho’s involved, it’s all instinct. all gut. all heart.

and suho??? please. that man fell so hard and so fast it was like watching a building implode. he started off like “i guess i’ll babysit this guy before he gets himself killed” and then suddenly it’s “don’t you ever touch him again or i will end your life.” not in the dramatic anime way but in the terrifying, i’m dead serious way. suho and sieun dont threaten, they promise.

they have that kind of love that doesn’t need to be named because it’s in the way suho always steps between sieun and a threat, in the way sieun never panics unless it’s suho who’s bleeding, in the way they look at each other like the world’s gone quiet for a second. you know that meme “don’t do it, you’ll catch feelings,” and the other person’s already caught? yeah. that’s them. only suho caught feelings and then built a fucking fortress around sieun to protect him from the rest of the world. and sieun keeps trying to pretend he doesn’t need it even though he never moves out of its shadow.

they don’t say “i love you.” they say “you’re not alone anymore.” they say “let’s go home.” they say “i’ll take the fall if it means you walk away.” like are you KIDDING. they invented ride or die. they breathe it.

anyway. in conclusion: they are already married, emotionally if not legally. if you look closely, you can see the wedding rings in their glances. i am simply a witness at their unspoken, bloody, beautifully codependent ceremony.

[gamerwoo]

Bang Chan: The Girl Who Didn't Cry Wolf (Part Six)

Characters: Bang Chan x fem reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, enemies-to-lovers-ish??, slowburn, werewolf/alpha!chan, (werewolf)hunter!reader, angst, fluff at the end, hurt/comfort (literally), knives, cutting open wounds, mentions of blood and puss and scars [dialogue in bold is meant to be korean]

Word count: 6,085

Summary: You've learned to do whatever you can to protect yourself after an incident almost a decade ago had your father and brother dragging you to a new country to start all over even though they blamed you for what happened. After finding yourself stuck in a house of werewolves, you're forced to come to terms with your feelings over what happened back home when the alpha imprints on you and his pack claims they're keeping you prisoner. You know exactly how this will end if you give in, and yet you can't seem to get yourself to leave the sweet and charming werewolf who's willing to do anything to make you comfortable. You're just hoping that maybe there'll be a good end this time.

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You waited another day to see if your side would get any better but it still hurt, and it was still shiny and red. It was even hot to the touch which you knew wasn’t good. You decided it most likely was infected, and you would take care of it once everyone went to bed that night. The problem was waiting that long because it hurt more than it did the last few days, so even just sitting the wrong way made you almost whimper in pain.

“Do you wanna go for a walk?” Chan asked as he walked into the den.

You looked up from your book, laying across one of the couches so it would cause less strain on your side, “No thank you.”

He frowned, “Why? You always like leaving the house, you said it’s boring staying inside.”

“Yeah, but…” you paused for a moment to think of a good excuse, “this one part is getting really good.”

Chan squinted at your book before giving you a look like he knew you were lying, “The Ultimate Guide to Gardening?”

“...I finally got to string beans.”

He sighed and took the book from between your hands, “_____, what’s wrong? Ever since Minho said...that to you, you haven’t wanted to do anything. Are you…depressed maybe?”

You knew Chan would go insane if he found out you were actually depressed being with him and living in his house. You weren’t, but if he ever thought you were, he’d surely go berserk trying to figure out what to do and how to fix it.

“If anything were going to make me depressed, it would be whatever’s goin’ on up here,” you pointed to your head, signifying your conflicting thoughts that hadn’t stopped since you first laid eyes on Chan, “rather than whatever comes out of Minho’s stupid mouth. I swear, I’m fine.”

“Did someone else say something?” he wondered.

“No.”

“Is it something physically bothering you?”

“No.”

“You know you can tell me.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

Chan was frustrated, he made it clear when he groaned and ran his fingers through his hair, tugging on the strands, “Can you please just tell me so I can help you? It’s not healthy being cooped up inside all the time. You haven’t been outside in over 24 hours.”

“You’re the one who imprinted on a werewolf hunter,” you reminded him. “Stubborness is a given.”

“That’s still not my fault, it was out of my control,” he explained for the umpteenth time, “and stop trying to change the subject.”

Something else that was different after your talk with Chan was that you two hadn’t been that close again since. You went back to sleeping alone in your room, and the most contact the two of you had was his hand on your shoulder or back. It wasn’t that you told him to stop, but you didn’t necessarily make any moves to be closer to him. Your body did crave that contact again – more than just those touches, actually – but your mind would implode. You were still fighting with yourself and needed to be away from him, otherwise you knew you’d just turn into putty in his hands.

And then probably cry again. Which you were still embarrassed about.

“I’m tired, okay?” you lied easily. “I don’t sleep that well.”

He didn’t seem shocked by this. You knew he knew that you were hardly sleeping, so technically you weren’t lying to him. It just wasn’t the real reason you didn’t feel like moving lately.

“_____…” he sighed and knelt on the floor beside you. You twitched to sit up until you remembered you’d probably wince and give yourself away. “What can I do to help you sleep better? Have you tried Felix’s bed, maybe? It might be warmer.”

“It’s not that,” you shook your head. “The thoughts keep me up at night.”

Again, another not-lie.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he offered.

Your eyes narrowed slightly in an accusatory way, “You just want to stay with me again.”

“No, I–” he paused and then shrugged. “Well, yeah. But no.”

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head, “Give me one more night and if I don’t get a good night's sleep, you can…y’know.”

His eyes brightened but his mouth fell into a frown. You knew he was excited, but he was afraid you felt pressured to say that, “Are you sure? You don’t have to.”

“I know, but the only time I slept well was when I…stayed with you…”

He sighed softly, patting your hand that rested on the couch close to his shoulder, “Alright, _____. If that’s what you want.”

You scoffed and smiled, “Don’t act like you weren’t waiting for me to give in.”

“I just want you to finally get some sleep, ba-” he cut himself off, something you noticed he did a lot. You assumed he was about to call you pet names and realized he shouldn’t in case it made you uncomfortable. “I want things to get better for you.”

“Me too.”

-

You waited for about an hour after Chan left the bedroom after saying goodnight to get up and go to the bathroom. It wasn’t abnormal for you to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom so you hoped he wouldn’t assume anything of this. Maybe he was already asleep anyway – you did your best to keep your heartbeat and breathing even so he’d think you were safe and sound asleep.

Quietly closing the door, you locked it and flipped the light on before lifting up your shirt and peeling the bandage off. The ugly red and sheen were still there. You took a deep breath, going through the cupboards to get the leftover medicine that Chan had originally cleaned the wound out with, as well as the ointment you put over it to help it heal, and a pair of scissors that they kept with the medical supplies. With everything ready, you took the scissors in your hand and tried to steady your breathing.

You can do this, you told yourself, Just do it quick like back home.

Before you could do anything, though, there was a loud knock on the door, causing you to drop the scissors with a clatter that seemed somehow too loud.

“_____?” it was Felix’s voice that was talking to you. “Your heartbeat is really fast. Are you okay?”

Why is he awake? you asked yourself in a panic because you were pretty sure everyone was asleep like, y’know, normal people.

Obviously, your panicked silence mixed with the weird clang of metal made the wolf think you were definitely not okay. He had no problem forcing the door open and seeing your makeshift surgery setup on the counter of the bathroom sink. Then his golden eyes zeroed in on the inflamed wound on your side, sucking in a breath.

“That doesn’t look good…” he commented with a quiet tone, walking forward to examine it better. “How long has it been like this?”

“Few days,” you mumbled, embarrassed that you’d gotten caught.

Felix sighed, his warm fingertips brushing the wound every so slightly, but still enough for you to wince, “Yeah, this isn’t going to get better on its own. We’ll have to clean it out again. Although...it seems like that’s what you were trying to do.”

He glanced up at you through his lashes with a pointed look.

You frowned and stared anywhere but at the wolf, your face warming up, “I just didn’t want Chan knowing, okay? If I fixed it myself, he wouldn’t have anything to worry about or anyone to fight with it about.”

Felix straightened and cocked his head to the side slightly, “None of us can heal this for you without him knowing. I mean, maybe we could sneak you out to Josh, but we wouldn’t get back until morning…”

“No,” you hissed. “Chris absolutely cannot find out. If he knows this is infected, he’s gonna scream at Seungmin.”

It was no secret that Seungmin and Minho were on thin ice with the alpha. After Minho’s latest remark to you and how poorly he was treating you when he ran into you, and the two of them assaulting you twice, this would be the final nail in the coffin for sure.

Felix seemed to mull over your condition as he bit his lip as stared at the claw marks. He definitely had to do something about this, but how was he going to heal this himself and keep this from your mate? Chan knew everything that went on when it came to you. Hell, he probably could sense something was wrong while he slept right now. But Felix couldn’t just let you walk around with it infected or let you try to fix it yourself.

“Fine,” he finally sighed, staring at the tiled floor, “but I’ll need help from some of the others. Probably Changbin and Jisung.”

You nodded, “Anyone but Chan.”

-

You were laying down on the desk in Changbin’s room, looking up at the ceiling as several wolves ‘prepped you for surgery’ as Jisung put it. You still weren’t very comfortable with having any of the wolves touch you, but you refused to use Chan as a security blanket right now. If he found out that the wound Seungmin gave you was infected, he’d not only kill Seungmin, but he’d never leave your side for the rest of your life.

So you just stared at the ceiling and kept your thoughts to yourself, waiting for the wolves to be ready to cut you open or whatever their plan was. Minho seemed way too casual about it as he watched with arms folded, while the other three seemed kind of stressed about the whole ordeal. You didn’t really blame them since he had to keep this from their alpha, but why was Minho humming to himself and acting perfectly fine? Why was he even here other than the fact he had woken up because him and Jisung still had to share a bed?

Then again, he was also the one who hated you and was probably hoping you would bleed out or something. If you died and Chan managed to live through the heartbreak, he’d just find a new mate. Seemed like a win/win for Minho so he'd probably want to witness it.

You hated that you had that thought because it just made you feel worse, so you tried not to think about it.

“Okay,” Changbin sighed, stepping over to you with a sharp pocket knife in one hand, and a glass jar in the other, “let’s get this over with. Jisung?”

“Y-yeah,” Jisung’s eyes snapped to Changbin, the younger wolf clearly on-edge. “I’m ready.”

“We’re gonna start now,” Felix told you.

“You know the best option is to just tell Chan, right?” Minho asked, looking between the three wolves. “He’s the only thing that can take the pain away unless we bring her to one of the healers.”

“She had a point when she said he’ll reem Seungmin for this,” Changbin pointed out, looking back at Minho. “Do you want to break up a fight at midnight?”

When Minho just rolled his eyes and conceded, Changbin put the two objects on the desk beside you before opening up the jar. He spread the contents over your wound, numbing it so you wouldn’t feel as much of the pain as normal. Then Felix held up a t-shirt that he’d rolled up the long way.

You eyed him warily, “What’s that for?”

He frowned, “Just…put it in your mouth; trust me...”

You obediently opened your mouth and let the wolf place the cloth between your teeth. Then you realized it was to muffle your cries of pain – you hoped this would quiet most of the noise so Chan wouldn’t wake up. You hoped he was too sound asleep to hear you, but just in case, you’d have to try to be as quiet as possible.

“Ready?” Changbin asked, but the question was aimed at you now.

You nodded, not saying anything with the towel in your mouth.

Changbin looked over to the younger wolf, “Do you want to clean the wound or help hold her down?”

Jisung’s eyes widened in horror, while Minho’s widened for a different reason.

“Hold her down?” Minho repeated, sounding almost…excited.

“I don’t know if I can handle…all of that…” Jisung admitted, eyeing your wound.

“You make all of the medicine but can’t handle what it’s for?” Changbin asked.

“I’ll hold her down,” Minho immediately volunteered without any prompt to do so.

Changbin shot Minho a dirty look before he sighed, “Just help Minho hold her. Felix, try to comfort her, okay?”

Felix nodded, “Got it.”

The three wolves shifted around, Jisung and Minho standing on either side of you with their hands braced on your shoulders. Felix stood between them and looked down at you with his classic bright smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes like it usually did.

You saw Changbin pick something up out of the corner of your eye, and then you felt something sharp poke your side, but it was bearable. It wasn’t until Changbin dragged the blade of the knife down one of the scratches that you felt white hot pain in your side that made you arch off the table and groan into the shirt while your eyes screwed shut.

“It’s okay,” Felix shushed you as one of Minho’s hands moved down to your hip to force your body back down, “it’ll be over soon.”

“If she moves, I’ll accidentally cut where I’m not supposed to,” Changbin warned, his golden eyes staying trained on the wounds the whole time.

You bit down on the fabric as hard as you could, trying not to make any noise. You were sure your jaw was going to snap from how hard you were clenching on the shirt, and you couldn’t stop the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, slipping out and down your temples to your hair. Felix tried to wipe most of them away while Jisung and Minho pressed you down into the wooden desk.

Changbin began cutting open the second one, sucking in a sharp breath when he saw just how much blood and puss there was. He was so sure they had cleaned the wound out, so he wondered if maybe somehow stress was affecting the healing process. Or maybe Chan just didn’t do the best job of cleaning it despite how thorough he was with wounds. Or maybe it was some third thing they didn’t know about. He wasn’t sure.

The whine you let out was bordering a scream, the third one hurting more than the others, and all three wolves by your head tried to calm you this time. Changbin paused and leaned his head toward the door like he was listening, before the door opened and a very-tired-looking Seungmin came in with a half-asleep Jeongin and a slightly-terrified Hyunjin behind him, taking in the scene before them: you laying on the desk desk, three of his brothers holding you down, Changbin cutting your side open, and all the blood and fluid coming out of you and onto the towels Changbin had laid out.

“What the fuck are you–?!”

Before Jeongin could even finish his question, Minho was in front of him, gripping the back of his head with one hand and firmly placing the other hand over his mouth, “If you wake up her mate, we’ll do this to you too. Got it?”

“We’re just draining her wound,” Changbin explained, not looking away from his work. “It’s infected pretty badly.”

Seungmin quickly gathered everything he needed to know, and realized this meant his ass was on the line, “You better know how to fix that before Chan wakes up.”

“A ‘thank you’ might be better than a threat,” Changbin sneered.

Jeongin, however, had decided he didn’t want any part in the ordeal, yawning, “You never saw me in here,” before he left the room.

“Channie is gonna be so mad,” Hyunjin panicked, looking around the room for at least one sane person.

“Then go back to bed so it’s one less person to be mad at,” Changbin said gruffly. “I’m busy.”

But instead, he closed the door and went to stand by Felix. Changbin called Minho back over to help with you, and Seungmin followed behind him and stood at the foot of the desk, taking everything in. You were squirming and crying, and Changbin couldn’t do anything when you were moving around so much.

“I know, _____,” Changbin sighed as Minho stood on the other side of him and put his hands firmly on your abdomen, “I’m sorry. I’m…almost done.”

This time when the door opened, you knew it could only be one person – unless Jeongin randomly decided he did want to be involved. But your eyes were so filled with tears that it became too blurry to see, and you couldn’t even keep your eyes open because of the pain.

Despite that, the voice you heard shook you to your very core, and actually sent pure fear straight through you. You’d never heard Chan sound this angry – not since the first night.

“What are you doing to her?!” Chan roared right before you felt his large, familiar hands cupping your face.

You didn’t dare open your eyes to meet his that you already knew were red with rage. But you weren’t going to let him get angry at his brothers who were only trying to help you. But you still had a shirt in your mouth being held there by your jaw that wouldn’t unclench because of the pain, therefore, you couldn’t do much to back up the wolves.

“Chan, the wound is infected,” Changbin told him, his voice trying to calm the alpha. “Look.”

When you heard him suck in a sharp breath, you knew he saw all the blood and puss that was in the wound. But then you heard the growl of Seungmin’s name leave his mouth, and you blindly tried to find your mate. Your hands flailed and searched, but Chan was already backing Seungmin into a corner.

“Um, a little help might be nice,” Minho spoke up. “Considering she’s, y’know, in severe pain.”

He paused and his head whipped around. Then he was rushing over to your side and crouching down beside you, his eyes full of hurt as he let out soft whimpers.

“_____,” Chan’s voice was much softer than it was previously, and the shirt was removed from your mouth, “I’m so sorry I let this happen.”

You opened your eyes now that the tears had cleared out more, and the pain of Changbin opening the first three scratches had become a dull, burning ache – you almost wanted to thank him for stopping before he went on to the final scratch. Chan’s eyes were still red, but they were soft when they looked at your paling face. You placed a hand on his cheek and felt somewhat better when Chan leaned into your touch.

“Please don’t get mad at Seungmin,” you croaked, stroking his cheek with your thumb. “Or any of them; they’re only trying to help.”

“You wouldn’t have to be in this mess if Seungmin hadn’t–”

“Seungmin didn’t know,” you cut him off with a whine, knowing it would be difficult defending the younger wolf from his alpha’s anger. “Nobody thought anyone would imprint on...the idiot hunter that broke in. He just wanted to protect his brothers.”

“Chan? Help?” Changbin prompted again, breaking the two of you out of your conversation. “I still have to get this last one open before she loses too much blood and I need you to help.”

Chan moved away from you, and your hand dropped back off the desk. Changbin moved slightly to the side to make room for him as Chan placed his large, warm hands on either side of your wound.

“I wish you asked me to do this originally,” he grumbled as his hands started to feel warmer and warmer, and the pain in your side faded more and more. Chan sucked in a sharp breath as he winced. “Can’t believe you let her be in this much pain.”

“Don’t worry, it gets worse,” Changbin told him before he placed the tip of his bloodied knife at the last mark. “Ready?”

He nodded, bracing himself for the worst of it.

Meanwhile, your body slowly untensed, relaxing onto the table. You didn’t feel anything. You wondered if Changbin was waiting for you to completely relax before he started again, but you just breathed heavily and enjoyed not feeling the sharp, hot pain of the knife. You actually didn’t even feel the sting of the other wounds Changbin had cut into your side. You felt a little warm there, but that was it. It was nice. You almost fell asleep like that.

Chan, however, felt everything. He twitched in the opposite direction of the side he felt the intense pain. He bit down on his lip, trying to keep his sounds of pain to himself but letting out grunts as his eyes squeezed shut. Seungmin could see from where he was standing that three claw marks had already been scarred into his side, matching the ones on yours. And as Changbin dragged the knife, the fourth one was carved into his skin.

These scars were bigger than most of the others that littered his skin. He had a few on his neck, and only a couple on his face. But the rest of his body – mostly his torso and arms – were covered. And yours were now his newest addition.

“Are you okay, _____?” Felix’s deep voice pulled you up from the waves of grogginess that were washing over you.

“”M okay,” you mumbled, your eyes closed. You were too tired and still felt the ghost of the pain you had felt before Chan’s hands were on you.

“How do you feel?”

“Warm…”

Felix looked to Chan, who was catching his breath after Changbin finally brought the knife away and began cleaning at the wound. This hurt less, but was still painful nonetheless and made him wince with every pass of the clean cloth and cotton balls that Changbin used.

“She’s tough, I’ll give her that,” Minho mumbled as he looked down at your face.

Your breathing was even through your lips and the pack could tell you’d fallen asleep. It was probably for the best anyway. 

“You alright, Channie?” Changbin asked quietly once he was done cleaning you up, looking down at the alpha that had removed his hands from your side and sat back on the floor, laying back on the floor.

His skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, so the cool hardwood felt nice on his back.

“I don’t know how she stood that,” he breathed, one arm laying across his forehead as he laid there with his eyes closed.

“Masochist,” Minho suggested, trying to lighten the mood.

Seungmin stayed silent, still standing in the corner where Chan had backed him into. His eyes stayed on your unmoving body, but his expression was unreadable.

-

The only thing keeping Chan from ripping Seungmin’s head off was making sure you were safe and would wake up. He stayed beside you as Changbin and Jisung worked to drain your wound properly and patch it back up, and he stayed beside you after he tucked you into his bed in a large t-shirt of his. 

Now, Chan was sitting on the hardwood floor, his hand reaching up to stroke your hair and cheek as he studied your face. He wanted to hold you closer but if you woke up with him like that, it might freak you out.

“Hey, Chris?” Felix spoke up as he entered the room. The alpha didn’t look at him, but hummed in acknowledgement. “I don’t think you should be so hard on Seungmin.”

“It’s his fault for scratching her in the first place,” Chan stated harshly. “He deserves whatever comes to him.”

“She told you not to be angry with him,” Felix reminded him, “and I know you can’t ignore that. She’ll be upset with you if she finds out you did anything to him.”

“Not that it’s any of my business,” Jeongin began as he wandered in through the open door, “but I couldn’t sleep because of all the noise, and from what I heard, I can’t help but think she didn’t want you to worry about her. Hyunjin said she told everyone not to tell you what they were doing.”

At that, Chan turned his head, “Why would she not want me to worry?”

“Because she does care about you, idiot,” the youngest wolf sighed. “She’s said it before – we’ve heard all the breakdowns.”

“It’s conflicting, we know, but she can’t help how she feels, either,” Felix said with a shrug. “Emotions are hard. We all know that.”

“Why would she care if I’m upset with Seungmin or not, though?” the alpha quizzed.

“I think that’s her way of caring about you and your relationship with us. You know how Minho and Seungmin are sometimes? I think that’s just her all the time.”

Chan turned back to you, watching your sleeping form. He wondered if you’d wake up soon so he could just ask you himself. He didn’t care how long it took, he’d coax the answer out of you even if it took days. He wanted to know if you really did truly care for him enough that you’d go through all this trouble so he wouldn’t worry about it. He thought it was stupid of you but it still was sweet if it was true.

Like you were connected enough to hear his silent plea, you shifted a bit and your eyes fluttered open. The three wolves studied your movements carefully as you pushed yourself to sit up, wincing and hissing in pain. Chan helped you up the rest of the way, doing most of the work until you were sitting up against the headboard.

“How do you feel, _____?” Felix wondered quietly, keeping his voice low so as to not scare you. “Are you still dizzy?”

“No,” you shook your head as you rubbed your eyes that still stung from crying, “my side is just sore.”

“Which is normal,” the freckled boy shrugged. “Changbin said if it’s still looking rough in a couple of days, we’ll drain it again. Otherwise, keep applying the ointments. Jisung mixed up a new one that should help with keeping infection away.”

“I think it’s time to head back to bed,” Jeongin decided, putting a hand on Felix’s shoulder and nodding toward the door.

“Right,” he nodded like he just realized Chan probably wanted to talk to you privately – or, at least as privately as he could in a house full of werewolves that heard everything. “Have a good night, guys. Channie, please remember what we said, okay?”

Once the two boys made it out the door and Felix turned around to close it, Chan’s eyes looked at you. They were still their warm gold, but his expression was unreadable.

“That your power?”

His eyebrows furrowed at your question, not expecting the first thing out of your mouth to be that, “What?”

“I didn’t feel anything,” you mumbled, your eyes looking down to scan his exposed torso, “and you have those marks on your side where mine are. Those weren’t there before.”

He nodded a little, “I can take away others’ pain. The only catch is I feel it instead, and I get their scar, so…”

He held out his arms for you to see, rolling them over to examine all of the scars that littered his skin. It was silent, and then he let his arms rest on the bed beside you, both of you waiting for the other to say something.

“Are you mad at them?” you asked him quietly, finally breaking the silence. “Or me? …Or both?”

“Dunno,” he murmured as his eyes looked back at the blood-stained bandage covering your side. “Trying really hard to not be mad at all, but it’s hard.”

“I did this to me, not them,” you insisted, immediately going into defense mode. “I made Felix and Changbin and everyone promise not to tell you; I was basically holding the knife myself!”

His eyes darkened. You noted it was definitely a bad choice of words.

“_____, why did you keep this from me? You should’ve told me.”

You cast your eyes down to your bare lap, toying with your hands nervously. “Well...I thought it was getting infected and I wanted to fix it.”

“That doesn’t explain why you intentionally kept it from me. You made my entire pack swear to secrecy for what?” he pressed, sounding like a father scolding you.

“Because you’d get worried and get mad at Seungmin…” you admitted softly, still not making eye contact. It felt embarrassing to admit all of this to him. Was it because you were basically indirectly telling him that you do care and then it would set that in stone instead of it being kind of ambiguous by your actions? “I didn’t want to make you angry at anybody, and I didn’t want you to have to waste time worrying about me.”

“Listen to me,” he demanded softly, holding your chin gently and forcing you to look at him. His eyes were now sad as they bore into yours. “Worrying about you is not a waste of time. You’re constantly in my head; I think about you all the time. You’re never a waste of my time, _____. I love you and you know that.”

“But why do you love me when-”

“So this does have to do with Minho, too!”

Hot tears pricked your eyes, getting frustrated because you were making him angry at more person than one, when your goal was zero. “No, this is different!”

You hated yourself for being a frustrated cryer.

But having you cry, especially because of him, was the last thing Chan wanted. In a swift movement, he was sitting on the bed and had pulled you into his lap, cradling your head against his chest as he softly rocked you and shushed you, “I’m sorry. I’m not thinking right. I just...I’m angry at myself for not being able to help you or stop you from doing this. I hated seeing you like that. I think I almost died.”

You were going to make a, ‘no, I almost died’ joke just to lighten the mood but you knew it would upset Chan, so you just hid your face in his chest. This time, you would let yourself just rest there in his hold.

He held you closer, rubbing your back soothingly. He purred softly in approval at the amount of contact, and you were just as happy, albeit a little confused because of your heart battling your instincts. But were you making any movement to leave his hold anytime soon? Absolutely not.

“Please don’t be mad at them,” you mumbled, your words getting muffled by his chest. “Any of them. Not Seungmin or Changbin or Felix...even Minho.”

He sighed, trying to see it from your point of view. He felt he had to take it out on someone or something or he’d just make himself more miserable for not being there for you. He felt like a bad mate. 

“If you promise to always tell me when something’s wrong…” he began slowly before taking a deep breath to calm himself, “I won’t be angry with any of them. Although I do have some strong words for Minho for the things he said to you.”

You forgot Chan had been ignoring him ever since he found out the things he said about you being his mate. You pulled back a little to look up into his eyes. “I can’t tell you all the time.”

“You can try,” he smiled softly. “Promise me you’ll try?”

You nodded, “Promise.”

He cleared away any stray tears but continued to hold you in his arms, his back against the wall. 

“I know it’s late but...I don’t want to move,” he admitted with a warm laugh.

“My head is still screaming to run,” you laughed softly, your head resting against his shoulder.

“What about your heart?”

“God, Chris, that’s so cheesy,” you whined.

“Come on,” he laughed, carding his fingers through your hair, “just tell me.”

You sighed and closed your eyes, “I guess…I think it’s kinda nice.”

“It’s just a matter of getting that pretty little werewolf-hunting head of yours to agree.”

“How did you just...give in to it?”

He hummed softly as he thought it over, wanting to give an answer that might actually help you, “Well...I think part of it is that the feeling is much stronger for us. But I think it helped that I started to trust you being around my brothers. I knew they would still be safe with you here, so I didn’t have to hold myself back anymore. I had to be near you and make you happy.”

“So...I should just ignore my head?” you asked slowly, repeating what you’d gathered from his speech.

“I know it’s easier said than done,” he chuckled, moving his head to look down at you, “but it’s worth a shot. Just start small.”

Start small, huh? What’s something small you could do? Your eyes wandered around a bit before settling on his hand on your thigh. You carefully took it off your thigh and put your hand on his like you were measuring who had bigger hands – you noted that Chan’s were a bit larger. Then you laced your fingers through his, giving his hand a gentle squeeze that had his inner wolf grumbling with joy.

“Is this...okay?” you asked, still unable to make eye contact with him – especially now.

So you didn’t see his wide grin as he nodded, “This is perfect.”

-

It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep in his lap. You were exhausted, too exhausted to move, so you ended up knocking out while he hummed softly and told you stories of his brothers and the pack.

When he noticed you were asleep, he carefully shifted you onto the bed, laying you down and tucking you in before he got up, deciding to go sleep on the couch again. He thought you’d want it to yourself as he said you should take small steps, and he didn’t want to just assume he could sleep in the same room as you, even if it was in Felix’s bed. Although you’d slept in the same bed together before, that was when you said you wanted to. Now, he wasn’t sure, and it was better safe than sorry.

He laid down on the couch that was a little shorter and thinner than his bed, and tried to get as comfortable as he could. He laid in the dark, staring at the ceiling, and trying to listen to every move and sound you made in your sleep. That’s why it didn’t take him long to get to you about an hour later.

“No!” your tired voice gasped, and he jolted out of bed and ran up the stairs, taking them three at a time. Upon flinging the door open, he saw you were still sound asleep, the moonlight shining in onto your sleeping face. “No…”

Your brows were creased slightly, a small frown etched onto your face. You kept softly repeating ‘no’, so Chan took a cautious step in, wanting to wake you up in case you were having a bad dream.

“Finley…”

He paused. You’d mentioned Nolan, who was your brother. But…who was Finley?

He heard a bedroom door open a split second before he heard, “She’s already talking about other men?”

The voice made him jump and he quickly but silently closed your bedroom door. He whipped around to see Minho standing in the doorway, smirking playfully at the alpha, but it was clear he had woken up from the hour or so of sleep he’d gotten between then and everyone cleaning up after the incident.

But Chan just looked at him expressionlessly before turning and going back downstairs to the couch.

Minho’s expression fell as he watched his brother go.

»»————-　　————-««

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[luffyvace]

Vinsmoke Sanji x male reader

Wano Sanji>> 😍🧑‍🍳💋

I won’t tolerate any hate for me writing Sanji x a male reader if you don’t like it block me :)

Sanji loving a male has two possibilities of how it happened: A) an au where he’s bi or smth or B) he loved women until you. Now he respects women and loves you!

let’s go with B for the sake of making you feel as special as you are 😉👌

honestly from here you can basically just read any Sanji headcanons and know what your relationship is like so I’m not gonna repeat the traditional sanji things 😅 but from now on male reader will be heavily implied/mentioned :3 💗

Sanji as a boyfriend is a great punching bag if you have anger issues and sparring partner! 😁 if your a hot headed person he’ll let you punch him as many times as you want til you get all your emotions out. He knows what it’s like to bottle it up and he’s rather have you take it out on him then implode it on yourself. Now, others he doesn’t care about unless they’re a woman. Will still side with you tho

”hey watch where your going!”

- you

”excuse me??”

- random woman

”please excuse us, my lady, my lovely boyfriend~ (😍) is trying to get through”

- Simpji

Sanji is really strong so as a sparring partner he’s great! You can tell him to stop holding back as much as you want but you can’t rely on him for that. 😊 He would rather just be used as a punching bag honestly, he doesn’t wanna hurt you!! 😓 Will be 00.1% less lenient if your strong like the monster trio buuuut not a big difference. He’s not underestimating you at all! You can tell by his constant praises on how strong you are- but he just doesn’t wanna hurt his DAAAARLING FUTURE HUSBAND~ (😍)

if your weaker, he insists you won’t have to train much because he’ll always protect you. Just like he has the instincts to detect a woman’s tears, he now has the ability to tell if you need help! His heart will clench and his stomach will twist before he darts off to find you without a word (despite worrying your crew-)

Will spar with you if your really serious about getting stronger to help protect you and your crewmates. But he might suggest you get a weapon built by Usopp (or Franky) first.

”MY LOVELY BOYFRIEND IS SO KIND~ HE WANTS TO GET STRONGER TO PROTECT EVERYONE!~~ The rest of you jerks better be grateful!! 😤 -not you! Nami-San! Robin-Chwan!”

No matter your body type Sanji will dote on you! 😘 ABS⁉️ AN ALL OUT NOSE BLEED!! YOUR SO HANDSOME HE JUST MIGHT PASS OU- 😴 A dad bod?? 😍😍 AWOOGA~ Sounds sensual and sultry to him 💋💋 On the chubbier side? STILL HOT!! Mwah! Come over here sugar lips 😜

- his words not mine 😚

his dates can vary from really romantic to more casual, depends on what type of guy you are. If your in tune with your emotions like him you guys’ll probably seem a lot more cheesy- IN A GOOD WAY‼️💗 Otherwise, if distant or just put up a front, etc then he’ll tone it down. His side of the party will still be uh, not necessarily dramatic but dramatic, on the other hand. What I mean by that is he’s still a simp but your dates won’t be so cliche, at the least. More so activities like festivals, carnivals, roller skating, all that good stuff!

of course he can always arrange a time on the merry/sunny for a food date where he cooks all your favs!…one prob tho..Luffy. 🤦‍♀️ Actually, a good time to get away with a dinner date is when Luffy’s not around! And by that I’m talking when he’s on an island exploring and Sanji tells the others to go on ahead, leaving you two alone on the ship! 😁👍

Sanji thinks your so cool when you fight tbh. It doesn’t matter how strong or weak you are, you’ll always look tough while fighting 💪 If your weak he’s got your back!! Of course, likewise if your strong, but he worries 0.1% less if you are. He will forever be concerned about his boyfriend’s well being 🤷‍♀️ At the very least he knows you could handle yourself on your own if there’s a 0% chance that he can’t come to your aid. (He will always show up for you 🙏)

The op men seem to be more annoyed with Sanji’s simp behavior so if that’s you….it still won’t change anything…feel free to kick him tho! He’ll let you 😘 He has a nose bleed after too (not only cuz you kicked him but bc you looked hot while doing so 😍) Yeah the grind never stops, and that’s on simping 😜👍

Will let you call him any nickname! Or insult- you could practically hate him and he’d still be your loyal lap dog 🐩 Bro is down on his knees down bad 😭🙏 ‘Even when he calls me crude cook~ HE’S STILL THE MOST GLORIOUS MAN IN THE WORLD!~ 😻” If your pet/nicknames are more romantic or loving it’ll give him an even worse nose bleed for sure. He gets butterflies either way- of course. 😂

If you were to ever get hurt he’s going to quite literally hurl his boot at their face, and I’m not implying he takes his shoe off. Naturally, this outcome only happens with a man. If a woman is beating you he will prioritize your safety and run away with you. Or distract her so you can get Nami or Robin.

⚠️Skip if you haven’t watched Whole Cake arc⚠️

(Now, for a head’s up idk how Sanji’s fam works bc I’m not on whole cake yet-) Sanji’s family will likely diss him even further for being a man who likes other men. Reiju might support him- but his father will be utterly disappointed! ‘Now he can’t even marry a women to strengthen they’re bloodline!’ (Sanji’s dad<< 🙄) But don’t worry ik for a fact his super awesome boyfriend came through to save the day 🦸

(Back to regual hcs, mini Whole Cake spoiler over 👍)

This hc right here kinda gn but he will give you the biggest, happiest, silliest smile ever if you compliment his eyebrows. Or at least say they don’t look silly/you like them. IK he’s not necessarily insecure of the look overall but bc his doesn’t look like his family’s eyebrows, but it still makes him feel better about it ❤️‍🩹

so yeah please do compliment him on it 💗

I don’t really like to talk about who’s the “dom” in the relationship but I’m gonna mention it just this once and hear me out‼️

He’d be so flustered if you were!! Like?? Your taking care of him?? Being protective over him?? 😻🙏 AWOOGA- 💥 (he passed out) You could practically demand anything from him anyway but imagine him having a nose bleed all down his face as he stutters out a “yes sir” and immediately gets on the job 🙌 Bonus points if you have a deep voice 🤷‍♀️ (Not even in a suggestive way, btw, just genuinely having rizz 🤪🙏)

Or maybe he’s the “dom” He’d be so happy to take care and protect you, as he always is. But this time he cranks up his flirting game x200. Like he’s actually trying and not just using simp, servant, slave rizz (LOL- 😂)

Think about him leaning in real close to your ear, lowering his voice, before saying “I’ve cooked you a meal 😏” (or smth I ain’t the rizz master-)

You get my point! Case closed ok? Point is he’d be a lot more smooth than a simp. Ya got me? Good.

Edit: I added more! ψ(｀∇´)ψ

Reqs officially back open!! Now I’m just gonna freelance and write from my list

[lovebugism]

SAYING UGLY THINGS ON CHRISTMAS EVE WITH STEBE PLEASEEEEEEE

let's just pretend it's still christmas ok? hope you like it angel! — steve gets cruel when he's anxious, and with his parents coming to town, he's practically a timebomb (ditzy!fem!reader, angst, hurt/comfort tw for toxic parents, 2.1k)

blurbcember ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You were only trying to help. 

Really, you were. 

Steve’s been stressing himself sick about his parents coming over, and you’ve been following him around with your heart in your throat, trying to help him before he totally implodes.

He’s always a ticking time bomb when his parents are in town. He doesn’t know how to be anything else when it comes to them. He doesn’t know how to be anything other than perfect because he’s terrified of his mom’s backhanded compliments and his dad’s sneering replies. 

He always turns into his teenage self when he’s scared — and there’s nothing more terrifying than being a teenager again.

You know all this, so you try your best to be supportive when he gets in moods like these. When he’s on edge and fussing over every little thing. You help him dust the top of the fridge and organize the spice cabinet and wipe down all the windows — even though you know his parents won’t notice, or otherwise care, about any of it.

And then, when you finally get the buzzing ball of anxiety to cuddle up with you on the couch, you manage to screw everything up all over again.

His head is on your chest, wild hair still drying from his shower. You hear him sniff once, then twice. “What’s that smell?” he wonders, not entirely apprehensive ‘cause the TV’s got most of his attention.

“What smell?” you ask, more distracted than he is. 

His weight on you is a comforting one. You pet him like a cat accordingly — one palm rubbing up and down the length of his back and the other curling in his hair. With your nose among the chestnut strands, you don’t smell anything other than his floral shampoo.

“It smells like something’s burning.”

You pull back from him and sniff hard once. It smells a bit smoky, like cooking something over a campfire. Because something is burning. Your heart plummets to your stomach at the realization. 

“Oh…” you hum under your breath, blood running ice-cold.

Steve only tenses up because you do. Your warm hands on his body go suddenly rigid. His scruffy chin rubs against the chest of your sweater when he turns to look at you. His honey eyes twinkle with confusion and concern. “Oh, what?”

“I think that might be the turkey…” you answer in a tiny voice because you know what’s coming.

“The what?”

“I put it in while you were in the shower, ‘cause you were so worried it wouldn’t get done in time—”

“Shit, babe!” he blurts and pushes himself off the couch. He rushes towards the kitchen without another look your way. You follow behind him like a puppy and hopelessly try to explain yourself. 

“—And then you wanted to cuddle after, so I laid down and totally forgot about it!”

“So you’re saying it’s my fault?” he scoffs and swings the door of the stove down. He flinches at the billowing gray smoke. He rises again and rummages through an adjacent drawer, in search of oven mitts.

Your face swirls with confusion. “No!”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I forgot!”

“That’s not an excuse, babe!” He grimaces as he reaches into the hot oven. The tray clatters to the stove with a smoking turkey on top. It’s not totally burnt, but it’s hard as a rock and charred all over. Neither of you are chefs, but you could probably guess it’s less than edible. 

“Shit…” Steve huffs under his breath. His hands fall to his waist and he cocks a hip to the side, blinking at the molten turkey before him because he’s at a loss for what to do now.

You stand just behind him, cowering as you wring your hands together. You feel small, like a child moments away from getting scolded. “I’m sorry, Steve,” you murmur, voice wavering. “I just wanted to help—”

He laughs loud. A bitter scoff, at most. “Well, you did a great job of that, didn’t you?” he says with a sour smile on his plush pink lips.

Tears burn the backs of your eyes. You decide to blame it on the lingering smoke. 

“I said I was sorry,” you insist in a tiny voice, trying your best to stand up for yourself. You fucked up. Both of you know it. Rubbing salt in the wound doesn’t help anything.

“That doesn’t fix it, baby!” he argues, hands gesticulating wildly when he turns to you. His chiseled features are sharp with anger, but you decide to count your blessings ‘cause he’s still calling you baby. He only uses your real name when he’s really upset.

“I’m gonna have to go all the way to the store and make it all over again!”

“I’ll pay for it, Stevie, it’s okay—”

“That’s not the point!”

“Then what is the point?”

“My parents are coming over tonight! And if everything’s not perfect, I will never hear the end of it,” he agonizes, voice fragile and close to breaking. His honey eyes go glassy when the red emotion slowly turns blue. “About how I can’t make it on my own, how I moved out too early— how I never should’ve moved in with you.”

His words sting a little bit, in the most literal sense. The very center of your chest starts to ache, like he’s shoved a red-hot knife into your sternum. 

You try to shrug it off as best you can. “Well, who cares what your parents say?”

“I do! I have to, ‘cause I’m the one that’ll have to hear about it every goddamn day!”

His misplaced anger begins to build, like the looming shadow of a boogeyman. The weight of it starts to suffocate you. At a loss of how to make any of it better (because you’ve got a record of doing the exact opposite) you try to bring your high-strung boy down again.

“It’s just a turkey, Steve. We can make another.”

You prepare yourself for an argument, but Steve only huffs — so deep it makes his chest rise and fall. His head tips back as he rubs two wide palms over his face, down to his chin and back up again. He swipes his fingers through the still-drying strands of his unstyled hair and doesn’t say a single word. 

His teeth are clenched tight. You can tell by the sudden sharpness of his jaw and the way his temples are slightly shifted. His eyes are still shut as he breathes in deep, rhythmic patterns. You can almost hear him counting to ten inside his head in attempts to calm back down again.

Steve is painfully self-aware of how hotheaded he gets when he’s anxious. Every little thing feels like the end of the world when he’s cranked up to one hundred. Problem is, he only realizes how cruel he’s being after he’s hurt someone with it.

That someone in question is you now. The sweeter-than-sugar you, the brighter-than-sunshine you, the well-meaning-but-sometimes-totally-careless you. 

And Steve, on the other hand, is utterly troubled. He’s harsh, and he’s hopeless, and he loves you so much he’s not totally sure what to do with it all. Sometimes it scratches him like barbs. Maybe that’s why he confuses love and anger so often.

He thinks of his parents — how they were supposed to love him, how maybe they do, how they have a terrible way of showing it, and how he isn’t at all deserving of the way they treat him — and something inside him seethes. It burns somewhere deep within his ribcage and squirms like a feral animal trying to break free.

He feels trapped and he turns violent, like some kind of hurt dog. ‘Cause if he can’t be loved, then he might as well be feared. And sometimes he bites you, the warmhearted stranger willing to love something that doesn’t know how to love itself. And maybe that’s why he snaps at you when he’s so high-strung. 

You love him the most, out of everybody in the whole entire world, and no one could understand all this quite like you do.

“You’re right,” he sighs when he comes down to earth again, arms falling to his sides when his shoulders are no longer tense. 

The shades of red give way to something more golden when he looks at you. It makes his heart twist because you’re still looking at him the same way you were ten minutes ago — like you’re looking at the rest of your life in the flesh.

One more breath, and the worry slips away.

“Yeah, you’re right— it’s just a turkey— everything’s fine.”

You want to comfort him. Your wringing hands ache with the longing to hold him like you were before all this, with his cheek to your chest so your heartbeat can keep him grounded. You’re just not sure if he wants that yet.

So you linger in place and try not to implode with your yearning.

“I can get a storebought one before they come over if you want,” you offer meekly, peering at him beneath your lashes. “I don’t think they’ll know the difference if we just lie and say we made it.”

He laughs again. One snorted breath, but much more genuine this time. A grin blossoms like a pretty flower on his rose-petaled mouth. It’s impossible not to smile back at him.

“Or we can just, like, not say anything, and watch my parents pretend to like it,” he jokes.

“That’s evil,” you say, hiding your giggle behind your palm. “But then we’d probably have to eat it, too— to make it believable and everything, you know? And I don’t think I can put that in my mouth without gagging.” You snort a laugh at yourself, then grow strangely serious as you mumble, “That’s what she said.”

Steve laughs, loud and boyish. It paints the kitchen golden and makes your chest feel all sparkly. “C’mere,” he hums with a grin, throwing his arms out for you. 

You gravitate towards him instantly, like he’s the sun and you’ve just suffered a terribly long winter. You hug him tight accordingly — suffocating, warm, and tender. He holds you back the same. 

His arms curl around your back, wide palms spreading along the length of it. He noses at your hair and presses a gentle kiss there. “Sorry for yelling,” he apologizes, mostly muffled from where he’s holding you so intently. “You forgot. It’s okay. I overreacted.”

It’s still hard for him to apologize sometimes. Even when he’s in the wrong. Especially when he’s in the wrong. He grew up with parents who fought and then acted like nothing happened the next day. There was never any closure. Just bottled up feelings.

It feels good to be wrong — to acknowledge it and to still be loved after.

“I really was trying to help,” you mutter, burying the words into his chest.

Steve nods against you. “I know.”

“I didn’t mean to make it worse—”

“You didn’t make it worse, don’t say that,” Steve interjects before the words can properly leave your mouth. He squeezes you tighter, in hopes it’ll make his words stick more. “You know I’d stress myself to death if you weren’t here.”

“Yeah. And if your parents came home to a corpse, that’d be really morbid,” you murmur gently.

Steve chuckles when he pulls away from you. He unwraps his arms from around you, just to hold your face in his hands. His palms are warm and softly calloused against your cheeks. He swipes his thumbs over the warm apple of them.

“It would be,” he concurs with a nod and a big, dumb grin. His honey eyes sparkle as they melt for you. “I’ll tell them that when they come over— that you singlehandedly saved their son. They’ll have to love you, then.”

He says it like it’s a joke, but it isn’t really. It’s true in a lot of ways. Way more than you know.

“Think they’ll still like me even if you don’t say all that?” you wonder meekly and with your nose scruched, peering up at him with a hopeful gaze.

“Oh. Yeah. Totally,” Steve scoffs without thinking twice. He shrugs like it’s obvious with his face twisted like he’s confused why you’d even ask. “They’ll fall in love with you the second they see you.”

“Well, that’s just dramatic,” you mumble, laughing under your breath. 

You’re not nearly as confident as he is because you have no idea you’re made of flower petals, sunsets, and winter skies — all things delicate, tender, and impossibly loveable.

“I’m pretty sure it’s impossible not to be in love with you,” Steve insists, still cradling your face in his palms. It’s easier than saying that he loves you so much that he’d follow you anywhere — or that the rest of the world could fall apart, and he wouldn’t care as long as you were standing with him. 

“I think you’re biased,” you tease with a quiet smile.

“I know from firsthand experience, babe,” he argues with a rosy smile. “I’m pretty sure I’m an expert on the matter, actually.”

[billionstarsandhereweare]

dd:ba ep8 spoilers/thoughts under the cut

LOOK I haven’t been the biggest fan of Heather because her story just hasn’t been fleshed out and I’m TRYING not to take her whole “vigilantes suck” opinion personally but holy shit when she was arguing with Matt in his kitchen in the beginning of the episode I wanted to punch her in the face!!! that’s your man you’re bad mouthing!!! put some respect on his name!!! (on the other hand, jesus, can Matt GET any more self destructive??? my god)

JOSIE I MISSED YOU I love her character so much. very much “dad with the pet he said he didn’t want but is then caught cuddling with them and being sweet” vibes from her

thank u Disney/Marvel gods for letting Matt say fuck not once, but twice so far this season

I’ve enjoyed Wilson Bethel’s creepiness ever since he played an unsub in Criminal Minds (he hurts himself in THAT prison cell too)

VANESSA AND ADAM??? WHAT THE FUCK

obviously Matt survives but like… bro. can you please stop trying to kill yourself. can you believe for like ten seconds that other people care about you. showrunners weren’t kidding when they said we’d see the worst in Matt come out

continually impressed by how Charlie Cox (the personification of a ray of sunshine) can play Matt Murdock (an actual angry, depressed human thundercloud) with such believablity

no blondie or frankie, I cry 🥺

BB knowing Fisk likely killed her uncle??? god I can’t wait to see what they do with story

I just want Matt to get like, a week off. maybe he can fuck off to an island or a mountaintop yoga retreat. can he catch a break plz (or alternatively stop setting himself up for failure)

I’ve been convinced Foggy is still alive this whole season but now… now I don’t feel great about it anymore… I’m not sure WHY but I am quickly losing hope. I knew Elden wasn’t going to be back this season, but…

I know like no one will read this but I HAVE to get my thoughts out because otherwise I’m going to IMPLODE fucking christ on a cracker I am STRESSED

[yallthemwitches]

Part 2 (with lovesick James POV!) Merry Christmas you filthy animals

“Call me what you want, Evans. I deserve it,” he pants, “But then I’m going to need you to make my Christmas wish come true a few more times because – Merlin– I’ll do anything for it.”

Read on AO3 or below the cut!

(please keep in mind throughout this fic Remus is like this v (because he is otherwise not present))

The only thing more mortifying about kissing the girl you fancy and not being able to reciprocate properly is having to stand in front of a bloody crowd after said kiss and not look like you are about to fucking implode. 

It had taken everything to pull him away from her—and he meant everything. His heartbeat had clanged in his ears, the smell of her cinnamon shampoo encircling him like some predatory snare--nevermind the fact that she had kissed him just meters from his bed where he had spent the past four years thinking too explicit thoughts about her to ever put on paper. 

Then, after all that, he was expected to stand next to his bloody parents ?

James watches as his dad finishes a rousing speech about ‘goodwill to all men’ and other Christmas adages before pulling his mum in for a sweeping kiss. Typical. But the crowd cheers in applause and James joins them because–of all nights–this is the one he promises to be good. It’s Christmas for Merlin’s sake, he owes it to them. 

But he can’t hold back the twitch in his jaw and knows that, if left unattended, he will grind his teeth into little stubs from the anxiety of it all. His parents, their friends, the wandering classmates might as well be speaking in monotonous droning noises—all he can hear is the delicious mantra of Lily Evans kissed me. Lily Evans kissed me. LILY EVANS kissed me.

“Uh. Prongs.” 

His nickname breaks through the void. Turning slowly, he finds Peter standing next to him, offering some sort of ruby red liquid with a defenseless, apologetic look. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” 

James blinks at him, unable to comprehend. The chant is entering and exiting all orifices and licking his lips, he swears he can still taste her on him. Somewhere from behind, one of his mum’s coworkers grabs his bum and he doesn’t even care. 

“Didn’t know what?”

“Uh–I mean,” Peter searches for words, knowing a trap when he sees one. “You and Evans just seemed to be pretty friendly, you know.”

Friendly. Suddenly, something cuts the mantra from his brain like taking scissors to a ticker tape. Friendly—a friend.

Lily Evans was–is his friend. He knows so because she has said it many times. How much painstaking work had been done to get to the point of even being just amicable with her? Years worth, at least a solid 365 days if not more. That’s not to say he wasn’t chuffed by the advancement: pathetic git as he was, nights at Hogwarts had delved into anticipation of just sitting next to her, smelling her beautiful hair during their library sessions and maybe (if he was lucky) getting an arm brush against his as she leans over to write some bloody adorable comment in the margins of his parchment, only to be obsessed with her curly, cramped script for the next hour…

It hadn’t not crossed his mind that maybe things were starting to turn flirty. When he was lucky enough to get her to throw her head back in a laugh, she had started to grab onto his forearm for support. Then of course there were the letters. Merlin, how many had he written? Perhaps more than he had ever written to Peter or Moony in his life– and this was just one holiday. Hours of doting on each word, striking the right balance between friendly, maybe a tad flirty, but not overbearing, and if his glasses were working correctly, hers came back just as amicable, perhaps even enthusiastic. 

But would some stray arm touches and jovial letters really equate to a kiss? 

“Do you think we should throw punch in his face? I think we should throw punch in his face.”

James blinks again to find Sirius standing in front of him, hands on his hips while Peter sports a nervous look. 

“You ok, mate? You kind of just…were out of it for a second,” Peter squeaks, eyes roaming and nervous.

“Yeah, fine. Brilliant,” James responds automatically, not sure if he really means it or not. 

“Well,” Sirius butts in, “Now that your mum’s lot have got tired of your sorry arse, can we actually have some fun around here. Flea says I can be in charge of the music as long as I keep the bumping and grinding to a minimum.”

“Right, yeah. Sure.”

James’ mind drifts again, all his thoughts slippery like black ice. Warm lips, so soft, tasting like gin and cinnamon…

“Oi,” Sirius snaps his fingers right between his eyes. “If you took some muggle drugs without me, I swear Prongs I’m going to be so upset.”

“Lily was in his room earlier,” Peter blurts out, then clasps his hands over his mouth as though to stop any other incriminating thing from exiting. 

“Groovy, Wormtail. Really subtle,” James mutters, and shifts his eyes just in time to watch Sirius’ ears practically perk upwards in interest. 

“Oh.” Sirius says in a curt, knowing tone. “Oh, I see.”

“Nothing happened. She got lost on her way to the loo.” 

Sirius smirks. “Yeah, bet it is really hard to find the loo when you are too busy using your mouth to–”

“Sirius, fuck off and drop it—Really, nothing happened.” 

He hears the pain in his voice and for some reason it surprises him. They had kissed hadn’t they? But now even that fact was starting to get murky—like all of the pieces leading up to it didn’t make for a greater whole. Maybe it was a mistake, she had just leaned too far in and his lips were just there to catch her. Or maybe she was just drunk?

He could spiral around the thousands of reasons why she could have possibly not meant to kiss him, but the one thing that he knows for certain is that Lily is his friend. Full stop. And friends don’t try to snog friends, do they?

It didn’t feel fair for a teenage boy to have to wade through such emotional traps–especially on Christmas. 

Sirius does drop it, though not before arching an eyebrow with a sly look and the boys wander away from the older crowd towards the throngs of Hogwarts students who all have slowly commandeered the front of the bar area. He can’t help himself but to look past anyone who isn’t Lily—wondering if she took his words literally and was still leaning against the edge of his desk where he left her. 

“Hey stranger.” 

A small hand grasps his forearm. Sofia beams up at him, silvery blonde hair charmed into perfect ringlets around her face like a china doll. 

“Alright Sofia?”

She gives a small smile. Telling by her eyes she’s had a few drinks and is feeling good, the liquid confidence equating to her ever grasping hand on him. 

“Just wondering if you were going to hide all night.” 

“Wasn’t hiding. Just doing my duty as a good son and host for one day out of the year.”

He shoots her a grin, one that he uses to get out of trouble and he feels her hand tighten against his bicep, fingertips pressing in like trying to commit the feel to memory. 

“Well, would you have time out of your busy schedule to be a good host to me?”

There isn’t much subtlety there. From behind her, Sirius makes a shrugging expression at him, tilting his head in a way that means your mess . 

From the corner of his eye, he sees a flash of red hair reenter the room. Lily steps out of the hall, looking a bit bleary-eyed and nervous. Bee lining her way through the crowd, she completely ignores his gaze, calling for a double gin and tonic and joining Mary and Marlene a few clusters away from him.

Merlin, she looks lovely. 

“James?” 

James snaps his head back to see Sofia still standing there, a crease in her brow from his lack of response. 

“Er–sorry. Uhm, lemme just do some rounds then I’ll come find you.”

The fact that he said almost the same thing to Lily puts a heavy weight in his stomach, but Sofia's smile brightens and she gives an enthusiastic nod, finally relinquishing her grip. 

Not knowing what direction to take, James stocks off back towards his room, the party starting to feel like a real drag. 

* * * * 

During the beginning of holiday, Lily had sent him a letter that he must have read a thousand times.

Dear James,

I hope your holiday is going well too—though I can’t say we have had much time to do anything seeing as it’s only the second day. 

To respond to your last inquiry—no, I will not write your Potions essay for you, though if you send it along maybe I can write some choice words in the comments to add flavour ( choice words meaning horrible insults that will no doubt earn you a T…)

I was watching a bit of telly yesterday (box, glowing screen, moving pictures—you have heard of one right?) and I saw a program where this bloke made the exact same stupid voice you make when trying to imitate Professor Binns. I was so caught off guard thinking that you had entered the room, I practically fell off the sofa, then proceeded to laugh at how incredibly thick I was to think that you would just apparate into my home to do something as stupid as that. 

Anyways, I don’t know why I am telling you this (perhaps a symptom of my absolute boredom). Maybe it’s to say that if you feel like showing up at my house to work on your impressions before next term, I wouldn’t be mad about it. 

Hope you’re well. And sorry Sirius ate all the Christmas cookies.

Lily

It was dumb really. She had even said in the letter that she had written it completely out of boredom, but rereading it even now, his breath catches in his stomach by the implication that she would want to see him, that she had even been thinking about him in the first place. At the time, he probably wasted a hundred rolls of parchment trying to come up with the perfect response that would encapsulate his absolute earnestness to actually visit while not coming on too strong. In the end, he responded by changing the subject almost entirely, too afraid he was getting the wrong impression of her friendliness. 

He sits on his bed clutching the letter. Downstairs, the music changes to a rock beat of Sirius’ doing and a whoop from the younger guests signals that dancing is probably picking up. He rereads the letter again, focusing on the way she curls the J in his name. When had she started calling him James? Did he really let such a monumental switch happen unnoticed?

“Uhm. Sorry.”

His eyes snap away from the parchment. Like some beautiful ghost, Lily wanders into the doorway, hands tugging at the sides of her dress. 

“Mary’s curfew is coming up and I offered to go back with her.”

“Oh, yeah. Ok.” The feeling of sinking weighs heavy in his heart.

“And Sofia is looking for you.”

“I told her I would come find her later.”

Lily’s face twists into something resembling pain, her eyes becoming glassy. 

“Yeah, well. She seems to think it’s later.”

Lily crosses the room and takes a hesitant seat next to him on the bed, letting the end of her dress fan out against her thighs. Well that’s all you're going to think about for the rest of your sodding life. 

“Is that…my letter?”

Too busy letting his teenage mind work in overdrive, he hadn’t put down the parchment. She leans in, resting her chin lightly on his shoulder to read the text.

“Oh god. I’m completely mental. I can’t believe you even kept this. I sound like an absolute nutter.”

He turns to her, frowning. 

“No you don’t. I think it's brilliant. I love that—”

Oh for fucks’ sake. Why did I use that word? 

Lily recovers for him, pulling the parchment out of his loose grasp and giving it a closer inspection. 

“You really should have heard it though—it sounded just like you. Like—” 

She makes this low droning voice that doesn’t even remotely sound like Professor Binns or his terrible impression of him. James can’t help but laugh, a loud booming one that she’s been able to pull out of him more and more. Small droplets of tears start forming at the corners of his eyes.

“Godric Evans, please don’t go into acting— Here, let me do what you just did.”

He replicates the same gravelly voice, giving it an extra dash of absurdism. It's her turn to laugh, head falling back and lips gleaming as her peals cut through the room. Before, he only speculated that it was his favorite noise, now he is sure of it. 

“I didn’t sound like that,” she squeals, giving his arm a tug. “Do the real impression again so I can compare.”

“Nope, sorry. I’ve forgotten how to do it actually. Your rendition has obliviated it.”

“Fuck off with that—c’mon do it.” 

She gives him another playful tug and this time he lets his hand go loose under her grip so their hands remain attached, falling limp into her lap. 

“Sorry, Evans, maybe next year,” he says quietly. He can tell she is feeling the same vibration from their tangled hands that he is, both of their eyes zeroed in on the clasped fingers.

Did friends hold hands when they laughed? Suddenly it was incredibly hard to remember.

“Look James,” she says, eyes averted out towards the room. “I’m sorry—about earlier. I’m not trying to blow this whole thing up, I know we are mates now and–”

What. In under a millisecond, the past three hours of his life had been reduced to pure idiocy. He hadn’t imagined it. They had kissed and it had been intentional. 

“Please. Wait–just stop.” 

She recoils and he can feel her hand start to tug away from his but he adds more pressure, resituating his fingers so they thread with hers. 

“Lily— ” he stammers. Her eyes lower to speculative slits. It’s now or never Potter. Grab the snitch or get off the pitch. 

“You didn’t ask what I want for Christmas.”

Her eyes crinkle, mouth turning downwards. 

“What?” she sputters, incredulous. “What are you talking about, Potter?”

“You know,” he pries, “From before—I asked you what you wanted but you didn’t ask me. So go on, ask.”

Lily looks at him. Ever since their kiss he had felt like a storm cloud raining on the Christmas cheer, but sitting here with her has returned him to form, eyes glinting wild and expectant.

“Ok, fine,” she huffs. “ What do you want for Christmas, Potte–”

He crashes his lips down on hers before she can even finish the question, not holding anything back. Unlike earlier where he had been too shocked and guarded to reciprocate, he goes in full force this time, lips frantic and hungry. Everything starts to feel charged, the softness of her lips and the sweet smell of cinnamon revitalizing him and urging him forward. 

When they pull away, their lips are swollen and breath shallow, their fingers unraveled and on his cheek, the small of her back. His hand contracts against the warm skin, keeping her in place as if with the slightest movement she will vanish into the night. 

“I had wanted you to kiss me then, and I want you to kiss me again now.”

A smile breaks onto her face so wide it tugs perilously close to either ear. 

“We’re idiots. Absolute sodding—”

But his lips are back on hers, mouth already open and breathing deep into her. She coils her fingers through his hair, letting the hard lines of their bodies press flush together as he crowds in further, pulling her so close that he doesn’t think he will feel anything as cozy as her body heat against him ever again. 

“Call me what you want, Evans. I deserve it,” he pants into her, “But then I’m going to need you to make my Christmas wish come true a few more times because – Merlin– I’ll do anything for it.”

She laughs again, but this time he catches it with his mouth, letting the sound develop into a satisfied moan. She tangles back into him and somehow he needs her closer, needs her more . He doesn’t know how he has even survived off of so little for so long. 

“What about Mary,” she gasps, pulling back just enough to speak. “She’s got curfew…I told her…” But even as she says it, her arms pull his neck tighter, her soft lips dragging their way across his jaw to his ear. 

He silences her with a kiss to the neck and a bubbling sigh escapes her, now for certain the most beautiful sound to ever exist. 

“Tell her to live a little—it's too cold to leave now,” he murmurs, not wishing to waste any more time. 

“We’re busy with a bloody Christmas miracle.”

[owainigo]

general life update

I will hold onto this account until I die especially in the face of other social media imploding so don’t worry about me abandoning tumblr (in fact I use my personal one quite often even if it’s just for reblogs) I just have a full time job now as I said in previous ask and what not but I’m going to try to be more responsive to asks and get on those requests. Because tumblr was my og art space and you guys are the real ones . So yeah feel free to send me whatever asks at this point if you want I have a hard time responding to compliments cause I’m shy (honestly most of my activity can be explained by I’m shy) but I appreciate all the support ❤️ This is me and you all btw

The other place where you can find my secrets is obviously my patreon otherwise stick around ….

[descendantsramblings]

I absoloutely love your Storys and i wanted to request one as well :3

Morgie x Male!Reader

Male Reader is Part of the Vk's or his studie Partner in an Assignment (your choice) and the Reader is in Love with Morgie, Morgie on the other hand is into Uliana and always talks about her which is breaking Reader's Heart

So- Hurt comfort/no comfort with a Happy or Sad ending, whatever you like more

I won't lie to you, something about this fic turned extremely dialogue heavy and this feels a touch behind the bar to my other works, I'm sorry about that.

Also somehow his friendship with Hook had me writing this in the mindset of “boooooo he sucks, kiss his friend” so feel free to read it as Hook having a thing for the reader. Adds to the one sided chaos

One Sided

Morgie le Fay x VK! Reader

Pronouns used: he/him/his

Summary: What else was he meant to do but just take the boy’s words like they’re rolling punches?

Warnings: no happy ending we die like men, Morgie gets called stupid out of frustration a lot

Word Count: 1.9K

     “James, I am going to implode,” the boy flops onto the pirate’s bed with a dramatic huff, body just barely missing the legs that rest under his maroon blanket. Hook had grown used to this, shifting to making room beside him, in case his friend was  willing to take him up on it. Not that (Y/n) ever did, too scared that Morgie would walk in. If he saw how close the boy got to his roommate, the sorcerer would never see him as an option. Not that the serpent did see him as anything.  “Do you know what he just did?” He flips over onto his stomach, chin cradled in his hands as he whines at Hook.  The pirate lets out an sharp exhale that vaguely resembles a laugh, “I’m sure you’re going to tell me.” “He asked me to go with him to that new coffee place in town, and I mean, I knew it wasn’t a date. But he asked me to go so he could tell me more about Uliana. I mean, how blind does a man have to be? Asking a boy who’s falling at your feet to get coffee just to talk about some girl who doesn’t even want you.” He looks up at the boy, and where you’d expect to see sadness, all that sits on his features is annoyance. Hook laughs, patting the spot he made on the bed for the other boy. “Morgie le Fay is a boy at best, not a man.” It earns him a laugh from (Y/n) who sits up, turning to him but not quite filling the spot with his name on it. Hook does his best to ignore it, letting his eyes stay focused on his friend instead. With a shake of his head, he smiles over at the pirate, “He could be. He’s just, not.” 

      A hum comes through his closed, pouty lips. “If you say so. And since you came to me, I’m assuming that means he,” James drags the one syllable word out, waiting for the boy to finish the sentence for him. “Left me early because Uliana showed up. She needed someone to carry her bags for her while she’s shopping for Castlecoming. He’s so stupid, James. That girl is never going to look at him as anything more than someone to use. How does he not see that?” There’s a mocking air to the first sentence, eyes rolling with a wave of his hand. Mocking the sea witch in a way that would surely get him in trouble were she to see. Lucky for them, they would be alone for hours. “He’s a boy, (Y/n), he’s stupid.” It makes them both laugh, James reaching over to push his knees slightly. “You’re a boy, James.” “Yeah, so are you,” Hook waves a hand at him, a smile plastered on his lips. “I personally am a man,” (Y/n) laughs, putting a hand over his heart as he speaks as if he’s offended. 

    It was a song and dance both boys had become far too accustomed to. Morgie would upset (Y/n) by talking about Uliana while they’re alone, or even by leaving him for the sea witch like he had today. Then he’d come running to Hook, if Morgie wasn’t coming back for a while, they’d stay on his bed. Otherwise it was (Y/n) and Hades’ dorm or the hideout. The boy would complain, his pirate companion would comfort him. Then when he was happy again, and they part ways, Hook would get a soft thanks, a swear that he was a good friend, and they would split. And now, as they reach the finale of their duet, (Y/n) puts a hand on top of Hook’s, an adoring smile stretched across his face. “You know, James. I really wouldn’t know what to do without you. You’re the best friend a boy could have.” He rolls his eyes, a familiar and playful smirk on his face, “And you are a wonderful stroke to my ego, Lad, really.” “Yeah, yeah,” the boy laughs, standing up from Hook’s bed, “Thank you, idiot.” “Anytime.” 

                                     ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

    The next time that (Y/n) sees Morgie, it’s in “History of Piracy”, his head laying gently on the sorcerer’s shoulder as the teacher drones on. Something about a research project where they got to pick their own partners. Not that the villain cared to listen. Morgie would, he’d never admit it but, he always did. The kid was smarter than he let on, something about it was oddly admirable. And it was too hard to listen anyway, no way he could care about something as minor as pirates when he could feel Morgie’s body heat through the silk shirt pressed to his cheek. His head moving so slightly as the boy breathes that the human eye wouldn’t pick it up. It was so cozy, quiet, something out of (Y/n)’s daydreams. And for once, there was nothing about Uliana to interfere. Class was a genuinely Uliana free zone, the boy and the sea witch being blessed with wildly different schedules. It made going to class just a touch easier.

    As the man finishes talking, the whole room gets up, kids crossing left and right to get to their friends, picking out different partners. The shoulder he leans on shakes ever so slightly, earning Morgie a slight glance in his direction. “We’re going to be partners, right?” His eyes fly open, moving off of Morgie’s shoulder to stare at him. Mouth running dry as he lets his eyes flicker wildly over the other boy. “What?” “We’re going to be partners on this project, right?” Right, he should’ve known that. “Actually, I was thinking of asking Charming, got a huge crush on him, you know. This would give me a way in.” Morgie’s face falls, looking over to the prince. Charming is leaning against Ella’s desk, obviously partnered with her. He turns back to (Y/n), “Oh well, I think he actually has a partner. I could see if Ella could switch if you wanted? Not that I want to work with her, I’d rather work with you.”  He’d rather work with him.

    (Y/n) forcefully laughs, reaching out for the boy’s arm, “Morgie, I’m kidding. Of course I’m going to be your partner. You’re my other half.” A nervous smile stretches across his face, leaning onto his hand, “It’s not a funny joke. I thought you were actually going to leave me.” Lip finding its way between his teeth as he literally tries to bite back a smile. He was scared he would leave him? Maybe the boy meant more to Morgie than he thought. “Never,” it’s meant to be light hearted but (Y/n) can feel the way it tugs on him. It’s a promise, he knows in his heart that it’s a promise. And the idea of it is absolutely horrifying. 

    “So, what exactly is this project?” Morgie laughs, shaking his head as he pulls out his sloppy notes on the assignment. “We have to write a research essay on how being a pirate can lead to harm.” A teasing little smirk makes its way onto the boy’s face, an excited air filling the space between them as he bounces ever so slightly in his seat, “We could do it on James losing his hand.” The laughter that erupts out of Morgie is loud, light and joyful as it shakes his shoulders. Smile meeting his eyes, squinting them with their perky glow still barely visible. He looks amazing, (y/n)’s lip once again sliding into his teeth as he stares lovingly at his friend. “Hook would hate being used for a project,” Morgie shakes his head, absentmindedly brushing his scarf over his shoulder. “You must not know your roommate very well, le Fay. James would absolutely love being the center of attention. Don’t play with me.” “Well, if you’re so sure.” “I am. Let’s go to your dorm.” His hand wraps around Morgie’s wrist at the exact same time as the bell rings, dragging the boy up from his chair.

    There was no use in fighting against him, Morgie was well aware of that. So he allows his excitable villain friend to drag him up to his dorm, fingers wrapped tightly around his skinny wrist. Pulling him into his room and throwing the boy down onto his own bed. The bedsprings screeching as the sorcerer falls to it, his body bouncing with the mattress. The little display earns them a shocked noise from Hook, his eyes wide as they turn to him. “Whatever you two are up to, I am in here, please be aware of that.” It makes Morgie laugh but (Y/n)’s face heats up at the idea, glaring pointedly at the pirate. The look on his friend’s face makes Hook smirk, crossing his arms and leaning back against his headboard. “What could you possibly be up to then?” The boy laughs, perching on the mattress beside his friend. “We came to see you. We have to do a silly little project on pirates.” “Oh, do ask away then.” 

    It doesn’t take long for the trio to go off the rails, what was once James getting to brag about his times at sea quickly turning into the three just hanging out. (Y/n)’s head in Morgie’s lap and his legs in Hook’s. Fingers ghosting through his hair as the sorcerer who cradles him babbles. “I mean she just, I don’t know. She sees me, obviously she does because she drags me around with her but she doesn’t see who I can be, you know? And that’s so frustrating because all I do is try, I am constantly on her beck and call. It’s exhausting, she’s so beautiful and talented. Evil too, and I understand that love isn’t evil but everyone is just a little bit good, aren’t they?” He pauses, smiling down at his friend, “I mean you’re so full of love. Especially with the way you treat us, and Hook over here is a serial romantic. There has to be some sort of love to her. So why can’t she just point it at me? It’s so unfair, I just want someone to love me.” 

    Unfair? It’s unfair that Uliana can’t love him. He has someone who loves him, why is he so stupid that he can’t see that? The boy looks up to Hook, his dark eyes already trained on him. The two of them have a silent conversation, the pirate silently promising that he had his friend’s back. And as if that was all the push he needed, the boy stands up, cutting off Morgie’s bubbling rant that had been going on for at least the last ten minutes. “I need to,” he pauses, looking at both boys before heading to the door, “I need to not be here. We’ll finish that project later, yeah?” 

     And they don’t get a minute to respond before he’s storming out of the room. Two pairs of eyes staring at the empty space where the boy once was. “What,” Morgie looks up to the door, “Was that?” His question is met with a sigh, the pirate rising off his bed.”You really are stupid, you know that?” He huffs, staring over at the boy with his mouth agape, “Excuse me?” Hook rolls his eyes, rolling his jacket onto his arms and grabbing his room key. “You’re stupid. He’s been in love with you for the past year, mate.” And the pirate storms out too, leaving the sorcerer alone, gapping at the wooden door. He’s been what?

[cabeswaterdrowned]

jenny humphrey? 💜💜💜

Jenny Humphrey 

What are your favorite headcanons for them? She’s a lesbian and Blair was her first crush

2. What’s a headcanon / characterization you’ve seen for them that you dislike?

hmmm I can’t think of any because I’d say I’m mostly on the same page as other Jenny enjoyers I’ve met and mainstream ggers who don’t like her don’t really talk about hcs for her so. Can’t think of anything I hate

3. What are two to five songs they would listen to regularly? (going with solely 2000s - early 2010s songs to be biblically accurate): Misery Business by Paramore, Complicated by Avril Lavigne, National Anthem by LDR.

4. What’s something that, if said to them, would make them very upset?

5. What social media apps would they use most regularly?: during the timeline of the show definitely MySpace, a decade or so later probably Instagram and Tumblr + she’d probably fuck w Pinterest for design inspo

6. What’s a meme / trend they would be amused by?

I’m blanking tbh sorry

7. Would you get along with them in real life?: out of gossip girl characters she’s one of the few I could get along with, I’m only definitively sure I would get along with Eric and Vanessa but she’s the most likely for me to have a good repair with outside of them. However she does have a mean streak at times (not as much as other chars but it exists) and we’re both competitive people so can also see ways a friendship could implode. So probably yes but best to be friendly rather than close friends

8. What political views would they have?: liberal but she has a lot of internalized classism and some internalized misogyny during the timeline of the show so she’s far from perfect about it

9. What’s something they would do that you would cringe at?

I mean she has plenty of cringey moments in a very realistic teen girl way, probably the worst to me is when she plays that trick on Vanessa where her dress looked see through because she was jealous about Nate

10. Who would a celebrity crush of theirs be? during the timeline of the show she’s probably say Justin Timberlake but really it’s probably Lana Del Rey or Katy Perry, and out of dead celebrities probably Audrey Hepburn

11. What electives would they take / have taken in high school? Okay it’s been a while since I watched so I’m blanking on how much Jenny’s academic interests are addressed ik she was a good student in s1 and less so later but not the specifics. Obviously anything to do with fashion and/or design if it’s an option, otherwise some generic art classes. And I think she’d like history electives, historical fashion is fascinating after all

12. What would be their favorite movie(s) / book(s)?

I want to say her favorite movie is Heathers but realistically it’s probably Mean Girls, and I can see her liking older movies like Grease or My Fair Lady. In terms of books I know the book Aye would like to recommend to her which are Megan Abbott books m, but more realistically and to keep things time period accurate we’ll say she probably loves Gallagher Girls and The Princess Diaries books.

13.What’s a piece of media they would hate?

I want her to have read The Talented Mr. Ripley for school and have had really contradictory feelings about it (since apparently I want to inflict that book on every queer or queer coded social climber char I’m a fan of lmao.). She probably came around to liking it later as an adult though. For something she’d actually hate… hmm.

14. What’s an irrational fear they would have?

hmm generic I know but I can see her being afraid of spiders

15. What’s something you would disagree with them on?

hmm I mean I don’t agree with quite a few of her decisions in the series (if I did she would be a less interesting character lol) but in terms of like topics,, I idk I think she has some internalized victim blaming going on that stems from Chuck and so I wouldn’t be surprised if she has certain ideas about consent that I wouldn’t agree with

Ty! Some of these I immediately had answers for and then some I struggled and grasped for straws on so you can see the disparity lol

[cleolinda]

Tumblr cannot replace Twitter, or Reddit, or Instagram, or Pinterest, or vice versa. I’m not saying it can. All these sites have their own functionalities and subcultures and mores. I miss Twitter. I’ve been missing Twitter since 2015, when the tone of the whole site started going to shit.

If you are moving to any platform, it is very appreciated to just hang out for a while and observe how people do things. You can go against the culture, but you’ll be consciously choosing to do things differently.

I’ve never watched one single second of Supernatural in my entire life. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like Supernatural. We get our news from the Destiel meme. That’s just how it is.

Yeah, when I posted about welcoming people from Reddit and Twitter, I was thinking in very naive and (help me, I can’t think of the word. Not provincial. “Relating to only that which is right in front of your face”) ways about redditors I had seen arrive from Tumblr-friendly subreddits, and Twitter users I personally interact with (because who else would see me tweeting about it). Dear God, no, I don’t want most of Reddit or Twitter coming over here. My apologies for saying otherwise.

Just before Reddit imploded, I had seen people here worrying that Tumblr really was dying and was so much quieter than it used to be, so an influx of the kind of people who would want to come to Tumblr seemed like a good thing.

When I said Tumblr has been less stressful for me, I completely forgot about the time I ended up with thousands of people yelling “kill yourself” about movie theater trash on a poll I made on a whim, for a solid week. Y’all, why do you keep doing that to each other, come on.

Still less stressful than Twitter, where potentially the whole planet (hyperbole) (maybe) could see anything you fucked up about if your fuckup went viral. Also, [gestures at everything]

I feel bad that I left Tumblr (as in, I made only a few reblogs a year) for a long while, but in my defense, it wasn’t because of the porn ban, and I wasn’t on Twitter much either. I had spinal surgery and covid and just Could Not for a few years. But I did, I admit, see that Muskrat was officially taking control of Twitter last year, and I jumped back on both sites in a panic to make sure I stayed in touch with people. So I did kind of leave and come back. I’d kept up with most of the memes, at least.

I feel like I earn my keep by reblogging a lot. Reblogging stuff, especially artists who post here, goes a long way.

[fromxxthexxashes]

Okay, okay, OKAY. Other long post from Hailey, but who’s surprised?

My thoughts on 7x07:

First of all, I just want to say that I HATE cheating storylines. Always have, always will. I hated when Hen did it, I hated it when Buck did it, and I hate that Eddie is doing it. Cheating is wrong, and that’s that. However, human beings make mistakes all the time, and this doesn’t mean that Eddie is evil or bad. It makes him human. While the show has, admittedly, not done great when it comes to taking certain serious subject matter seriously (see: Dr. W*lls), however, when they’ve done these cheating storylines in the past, it has always been framed as a wrong decision. I’m guessing that’s what’s gonna happen with Eddie.

I’ve also heard the term OOC thrown around, and while I think this is unlike Eddie, in terms of his morality, I don’t think it’s out of character. This whole storyline is Eddie self-destructing. We’ve seen him do it before. The first time is when he got into fighting. He wasn’t a bad guy or a guy with anger issues, he was a man in pain, who didn’t know what to do with all that hurt - so he self-imploded. The second time, was when he had a breakdown. This was a lot more visceral. He had all these feelings and trauma bottled up, and he wasn’t dealing with it, and then it exploded. Then he took a baseball bat to his room - an extension of the self, one might say. And he did it, in part because of all the years of repressed trauma, but also because of all that guilt.

This cheating storyline is Eddie self-destructing. He’s in an unfulfilling relationship that he only got into because he felt he had to be with someone otherwise he was a failure for being alone. He also hasn’t dealt with his grief and trauma of Shannon's passing, clearly. And Trauma has a wicked way of making us do bad things. Along with that, he still idealizes his relationship with Shannon, even though there is a lot more bad than good. I think he is unhappy with certain things in his life, and he’s going about things the way he is, likely because he probably still feels guilty about his mistakes and how his marriage ended. For him, it’s easier to implode than it is to search deeper down and find the issues he’s not dealing with.

It’s not intentional behavior. He holds himself up to such a high standard, that anything he does feels like not enough, like he’s a failure. Because of that, he has a low opinion of himself, and, subconsciously, he wants to punish himself. His idealization of his marriage with Shannon doesn’t help with that, because he probably thinks the problems in their marriage rest on his shoulders - despite the fact that both parties contributed.

While the cheating might be self-sabotage, him picking a woman that looks like his dead wife and mother of his child, is obviously about his constant urge to fulfill this mother and wife role in Chris and his lives. He has a hard time believing he can be a good father alone, so he’s always searching for someone to complete that nuclear family image.

I think he also wants to try and recreate those good moments he had with Shannon with Kim, this doppelgänger woman. He’s put on these rose-colored glasses when it comes to his marriage with Shannon. He’s not fulfilled with Marisol, and he’s desperately trying to find that fulfillment. He wants that fulfillment to come from someone who fits those mother/wife roles that he feels is obligated to pursue, and who fits that role better than Shannon, his wife and mother of his child? Unfortunately, that’s not gonna work. One, because Kim is not Shannon. Two, Shannon and his relationship was a whole mess. Three, the way he’s going about pursuing this is gonna end up even messier.

So while I HATE that they’re doing a cheating storyline, this does mean there will be positive things for us, the audience, and for Eddie’s character development.

Eddiesol is BONES. Say bye-bye transphobic and homophobic actress. You will not be missed!!

Eddie will likely end the season single. There is no way Eddie is going to stay with Kim, because that would be way too traumatic for Eddie and Chris, not to mention no self-respecting women is going to stay with a man that pursued her only because she looked like his wife.

Buck is going to meet Kim, and Buck will find out that Eddie cheated, and will hopefully yell at him for dumb choices. Buck is speaking from experience, so I’m guessing he’ll have a lot to say. I feel like this could mirror their argument over Ana in s5.

Kenny described this arc as a “beautiful disaster” so Eddie will undoubtedly come out of this having learned some valuable lessons.

Eddie is finally going to process Shannon’s death.

Eddie is finally going to admit that his relationship with Shannon was far from perfect.

Eddie will FINALLY realize that he cannot replace Shanon. This will stop his cycle of dating women with the purpose of doing just that.

Hopefully, this will lead to Eddie realizing that he’s only ever dated women out of some kind of obligation, which could hopefully lead into a sexuality storyline sometime in the future.

So, despite the fact that I hate cheating storylines, I have faith that this will result in some positive change for Eddie. Cheating is wrong, but it’s not character death. Hen grew past her infidelity, and so did Buck. Every thing is going to blow up in Eddie’s face, and it will undoubtedly result in some deep self-reflection, hopefully some therapy, and some character growth.

[b0nes-mcgee]

It’s time for music headcanons with the batfam, bc if I don’t get this out of my head and onto page, I’m going to implode.

Fave first, Dick is definitely a indie pop/indie rock kinda boy. Not just because I identify with that, but also bc he gives me those overly energetic, bubbly vibes, that I feel like only come from Grouplove, Vampire Weekend, and Adam Melchor. I also feel like he’s a Mitski and Boygenius kinda bitch, bc ough, boY, he has angst. Said angst can only be expressed through sad girl music, bc he will die before he ever expresses his feelings about anything to anyone.

NEXT we have Jason, I think he’s an emo ass boy, ngl, but specifically like folk punk. He listened to twin sized mattress one time, broke down crying, and hasn’t looked back. Also things like The Mountain Goats, PUP, or Modern Baseball. Ugh, I could make a whole ass playlist for this boy. If he’s with other ppl, I think he’d play something more mainstream of the emo genres, like Arctic Monkeys or The Strokes.

DAMIAN, I THINK, IS COMPLICATED. So, for one thing, he grew up in a weirdo environment, where they probably never listened to music, and if they did, it was “”tasteful”” music, for rich ppl. That, or it was culturally significant. So, I think I’m his exposure to music after moving in with Bruce, he started just absorbing absolutely all the music he could. Like, he’s an everything enjoyer. His spotify liked songs are a minefield, bc one second it’ll be playing Chet Baker, next it’s Viagra Boys, then some country shit, then Chopin, and then it’s Lil Nas X.

BABS, I think, would be a folk music/sad girl music enthusiast. She really likes Ryan Adams, Phoebe Bridgers, Hoizer, Mitski, etc. It’s something that she and Dick bonded over when they first started dating. I think with her, she appreciates the calm/slightly sad music bc she lives in a rlly crazy world, and she just wants to meditate a little when she’s sitting at that desk all day, trying to keep her family and friends alive.

Timmyyyyyy is a Kpop enjoyer. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. Specifically, he probably likes SEVENTEEN or ATEEZ a lot. He actively tries, every day of his life, to not stan any of the members, but it’s rlly hard when he’s had two hours of sleep in the past week, and Yoon was just really cute in that last interview. I also think he’s really into trap and pop. He knows all the lyrics to every recent song on the top 100 list.

Duke, I think is really into R&B. I think he’s amenable to pop/rock/rap, etc., but he really just wants something to belt out. Common occurrences are finding him in the kitchen, making an omelette, singing Amy Winehouse at the top of his lungs. If u catch him doing it tho, he gets rlly shy. His guilty pleasure is theatre music. He has to bribe his family to go see Little Shop of Horrors with him.

Stephanie has a 2000s-2010s pop addiction. Anything that makes her feel like Hannah Montana is her SHIT. She’s out here blasting Bubblegum Bitch and early Taylor Swift. You also can and will find her crying to sad One Direction songs. When she’s moody, she will unironically play My Chemical Romance. She understands pop punk a lil bit, but the lyrics tend to get male-manipulator-y, so she sticks with the bands she already knows.

Alfred likes 50s/60s jazz/pop. Frank Sinatra, Chet Baker, etc. It reminds him of home, and of his family. He also really likes old French music, like Joe Dassin. I’m ngl, I don’t know old music enough to add more to this one, but u get the idea 😭

BRUCE. Ugh. He’s definitely the kind of dad who never moved past the music of his childhood. He firmly believes that the Beatles is the best band of all time, and no one can convince him otherwise. I think he tends to gravitate towards the rock/goth end of 70s/80s music, so things like the Cure, New Order, maybe a lil bit of Siouxsie and the Banshees. His goth phase was INTENSE, Alfred can attest to this.

Edit: HOLY SHIT I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT CASS 😭😭😭

Ok, Cass is defo a similar situation to Damian, grew up with literally silence, so music is a super new thing to her. But I think she really enjoys all kinds of genres. I think that especially instrumentals get her, bc it’s just noises that she can focus on, no lyrics to distract her from the sound. I think she also likes to “sing” along to said instrumentals, but mostly it’s just making noises to the same beat and sound, but it’s very off-key.

[localgirlbecomesobsessed]

It’s not funny

In which Leo doesn’t look after himself during a mission so Xena takes matters into her own hands.

Dealing with a cynic is hard work.

Xena’s leg is something she has to continuously make sure she keeps in peak condition otherwise it will just be seizing and chronic pain times~it’s why her aunt also made her do judo to help with that.

I’m just taking experience that I have with my shoulder, I don’t do judo but I do other things instead lmao. So hopefully I did this right

I also would say this is pre relationship between whoever you ship Xena with.

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

She grounded out as she gently rubbed a pain relief gel onto Leo’s wrist, grabbing a bandage as she tightly wrapped it up. Leo just stared at her bored, unsure of why she even forced him to sit down and get treated when it’ll easily be healed by tomorrow.

It was a mission gone wrong, Leo throwing himself into a firing line of an anomaly again just to see what would happen, he took it down of course but only after getting his wrist and ankle severely broken. The later resting on a table as Alan angrily went to go get ointments from professor Nicolas. More angry at himself for letting Leo get hurt, blaming himself for Leo’s injuries.

Sho was quietly cooking them dinner, checking in on the two as Xena moodily started checking over his ankle.

“The mission got solved-I don’t know what you’re complaining about honour roll.”

He rolled his eyes leaning his head back as he avoided the heated glare.

“It’ll heal by tomorrow-instead of doing useless shit why don’t you go get me a drink.”

She scoffed poking at his ankle as Leo let out a harsh hiss, head shooting up as he glared at Xena.

“What’d ya last servant die of?”

She rolled her eyes as she leaned back onto the sofa.

“He’s making dinner.”

He quipped back, Xena coughed trying to hide her laugh shaking her head at Leo as she sighed getting up on slightly shaky legs as she hobbled her way to the vending machine outside.

“Go easy on Xe, she’s just worried”

Sho sighed out as he shoved the pizza into the oven, throwing himself next to Leo as he just rolled his eyes at him.

“It’s her job idiot-you think she’s being all buddy buddy with us just because she wants to?”

Leo snapped at him, the beggining of a migraine setting in, as his vision went funny on one side. He used haxs too much on this mission, needing it to track the anomaly through a fucking forest, like they were in a predator movie or something.

He leaned his head back again and closing his eyes as Sho sighed looking through the medical kit for Leo’s pain meds.

Xena walked back in and immediately clocked Leo’s new problem as she searched through her bag, finding what she was looking for she quietly walked over to them, showing Sho what she had as he nodded in approval.

Sho brushed back Leo’s fringe, the young man not even being able to crack an eye open to check what his friend was doing, the pain feeling like a can getting squashed as his brain imploded.

Xena gently placed the cooling Matt onto Leo’s forehead, he let out a small sigh of relief tentatively brushing his hand against the soothing item.

Sho found his tablets and Xena cracked open the strawberry cream soda handing it to him as they helped Leo swallow his tablets, Sho ushered her over.

“I need to sort the rest of dinner out, can you…”

He gestured to the leaning tower of Leo who was trying to subtlety claim Sho’s lap as his own pillow.

She nodded giving a thumbs up as he got up and she switched places with him, Leo immediately going to lay on her thighs before she stopped him.

“You can have this one for the moment, I’ve got my own fucked up leg to look after so please bare with it.”

Leo frowned risking cracking an eye open as he looked up to see what Xena was doing. Something he immediately regretted as searing pain shot through him as the lights beamed down in his soul, she sighed as she covered his eyes with her hand, lightly placing them there as he slowly closed his eyes again.

“How bout I tell you what I’m doing?”

Her voice soothing as she spoke in a low tone to him keeping her hand on his eyes.

“I don’t care.”

It didn’t have as much bite as it usually did as he rested his broken wrist on Xena’s knee, she was wearing Adam sandler-esque poison apple shorts, they were so soft that Leo debated stealing them from her after this, he would probably pull it off better than her after all.

She rolled her eyes as she grabbed the pain relief gel, raising her shorts on her other leg revealing her scar.

“I skipped my exercises the past three days…I’m meant to do them every morning or my leg can seize up-so this will hopefully help it chill…”

She started caressing the gel into her thigh, hissing slightly as pain throbbed through it.

Leo made a sound of disapproval.

“Now who’s the fucking idiot.”

He mumbled out.

Sho was trying to be as quiet as possible avoiding any clanging as best he could as he watched the display.

“Yeah-yeah, at least I admit it.” •_•

Alan walked into the room sitting tiredly onto the sofa as professor Nicholas followed through, he sighed as he gently crouched in front of Leo, xena talking her hand off his eyes as he peeked at their new guest.

“Looking worse for wear there huh…”

He quietly checked over Leo’s wrist, unwrapping the bandages as he grabbed one of his own ointments, gently spreading it over Leo’s broken wrist as he rewrapped it in a special anomaly bandage to help it heal quicker.

Leo watched professor Nicholas like a hawk, making the older man nervous as he avoided all eye contact, glancing instead at Xena sighing at her in disappointment.

“I thought you were meant to be taking it easy Xe?”

Her leg seized up last week after her time at obscuary, climbing the hill and running for her life causing her to get appointed bed rest by Dante over the weekend, one she obviously ignored.

•_•

•_•

“Don’t know what ya mean professor Nicolas.”

He almost face palmed as he grabbed another ointment handing it over to her, he had made it specifically for her knowing she wasn’t one to sit idle, much to her own detriment, he was planning to give it to Jiro to give to her on her next health assessment.

“Wipe the other stuff off and put that on please, it’ll help a lot more.”

A worried glance thrown Xena’s way before he started checking over Leo’s ankle, it was broken into two places and will take a couple of days to heal rather than the usual day. He instead of touching the wound directly, he slathered it onto the thick bandages and repeatedly wrapped it around ankle.

“You’ll need bed rest for at least three days…”

If Leo hadn’t been dosed on the extra strong pain killers, he would of kicked up more of a fuss, but to professor Nicolas’ joy he just grumpily turned the other way his now thick bandage wrapped around his wrist already pissing him off as he tried to get comfortable.

Professor Nicolas handed Alan a list of things Leo will need to have and take during his bed rest, including things for his migraines.

“We’ll do a proper health evaluation once you’re able to walk around.”

He kept his voice soft as he quickly packed his things up, ruffling Xena’s hair before pausing and handing her a bandage.

“Keep it wrapped up for now just to keep the area covered.”

He eyed the way Leo was trying to shuffle himself upwards in an attempt to take over her whole lap as Sho finished up in the kitchen.

“Try to get him to eat something before he crashes out as well.”

With a friendly awkward wave he walked out of vagastrom, more like speed running away-probably needing to rush back to the hospital.

She tilted Leo upwards the young man groaning as his soft pillow moved away.

“I didn’t say you could move honour roll.”

He seethed as he watched her finish up bandaging her leg. Leaning on his hands as he massaged his temples, his migraine dulling only slightly.

Sho brought a feast of food-pizza, chips, nachos (one overloaded with jalapeños and the other normal), hallomi fries and mozzarella dippers. All four of them drooling, even Leo who raised his head at the delectable amount of food.

It was 3am, no one else was about as the four quietly chattered to eachother, Leo wedged between Xena and Sho as they fed him food.

Xena nervously fiddled with her pizza as she kept glancing at Alan, annoying Leo as leaned against Sho.

“Just fucking spit out.”

He grumbled glaring at Xena as Sho fed him another lot of nachos, in an attempt to keep him quiet and happy.

Xena sighed for the hundredth time that night, exhausted and drained.

“Alan, will you practice judo with me please-I’ve been slacking in my exercises and I kind of need to do it for my…”

She paused, debating whether to say it or not as she chewed on her piece of pizza.

“I need to it for my physical therapy, I have to keep it up otherwise I get like this…”

She gestured to her thigh.

Alan lit up, finishing eating his own slice.

“Of course we can start…the day after tomorrow.”

Everyone could tell he wanted to say tomorrow before his eyes worriedly landed on Xena’s thigh.

Leo flopped back down satisfied with his food, his head landing on Xena’s thighs once more as he rested his wrist on her knee once again before grabbing her hand and pulling it into his hair, she smiled as she started brushing a hand through his hair. Leo lifted his legs and trapped Sho under them, finally getting comfortable.

Alan thought he looked like a spoiled cat, preening at their owners affections as Sho leaned onto the armchair, eyes drooping as Xena did the same on her side.

He sighed as he looked at the list, organising the medications so it’s in order.

When he looked at the three of them again he sighed smiling shaking his head as the three of them completely crashed out.

When Leo woke up in the morning, his fury knew no bounds as Sho carried him to his room, Xena and Sho basically camping out in his room to bring all things he demanded.

“Still think she’s doing this because it’s her job.”

Sho whispered, half serious/half joking, as Xena turned her phone off ignoring the chancellors numerous calls for the day after she told him she had important business to deal with as she helped through Leo’s latest target’s financial information.

“Fuck off.”

Leo took a picture of the brunch Sho brought for them, ignoring his smug smile as Xena tuned them out.

[lilac-amethyst-skies]

hiii :)) hope you’re having a good day!! can i please get a hetalia matchup??

i’m a girl, generally quiet around people i don’t know, but once i get comfortable i’m a lot more open and talkative. people describe me as positive, caring, understanding, a good listener and someone who always tries to see the good in everything

i love photography and often like taking pictures of sunsets and other things i find beautiful. i also love music and really like singing, tbh i don’t have a favorite genre, i just listen to whatever i like lol. i like watching movies and series (especially suspense and horror) and i’ve been into anime ever since i was a teenager. i also like video games, even if i’m not too good at them. i have a dog and two cats, and i’d probably have more pets if i lived in a more spacious place since i love animals. recently i’ve also become very interested in fashion, and i’ve started experimenting with what i wear on the daily. i also want to try learning how to cook, both as a skill and to cook for others. i looove traveling and discovering new places, and my current dream is going to Japan :’) i like parties and going out with my friends, but sometimes i just prefer to stay at home chilling. my love languages are quality time and words of affirmation

aaaand idk what else to add ;(( but i hope it’s good enough, thank you btw!! <3

Your match is...America!

Oh, Alfred is head over heels in love with you. Your kind spirit, your sense of adventure, and your desire to find the good in all that you see? You are the definition of the Sun that he would so gladly gravitate his world around. Alfred really will take you anywhere you wish to go and is actively looking for new experiences and memories to make--especially if those memories get to involve you! He so appreciates your patience and your willingness to truly listen to him. It makes him feel heard and loved.

There are so many shared interests the both of you share--video games, horror movies, anime, etc. You are quite literally Alfred's 'ride or die' and being with you is fun and meaningful. Even better, you've given Alfred an opportunity to enjoy things he wouldn't have given a chance to otherwise. This includes enjoying your photography runs. It gives him a front-row seat to the things that you find beautiful and worthy of having their picture taken. After a particularly fun day of picture-taking, Alfred's heart nearly implodes out of happiness when he finds many candid pictures of himself. He hadn't even noticed you took those shots. Alfred immediately states he'd like to return the favor, and after some laughs and a blush from you, you of course, indulge him.

[sad-girl-poetry]

alright, i’m having a lot of feelings™ about giyushino & i have to talk about it because otherwise i will implode. i’ve liked the idea of them together from s1, like most people who ship them seem to; but then i stopped thinking about them much due to obsession with other ships, and also because after their initial altercation on Mount Natagumo they don’t really get much screentime together, so i just lost interest.

but in my modern day obamitsu AU (you can find my ao3 link on my page!), i’m featuring giyushino as a background ship, & i am starting to catch fucking feelings myself from writing them. (if you head off to read the fic, there’s only two chapters posted so far & Giyuu + Shinobu are not in it yet, but will be very soon.)

so, here we go. gimme a moment to ramble about what inspired these HCs / character analyses before i get to the meat & potatoes.

street lights by killedmyself is one of my favourite songs despite the fact it being really more of a piece of audio art than a song - it’s mainly a movie dialogue sample mixed with sad boi lo-fi beats, but i play it all the time because it somehow hurts so good. so i was listening to it when thinking of the aforementioned modern AU, & i had an epiphany like “holy fuck, this is exactly how a giyushino relationship would go down, whether in a canon AU or any other story.”

the sample in the song is from No Strings Attached, a typical romantic comedy/drama about two close friends who have a deep understanding of each other and casually have sex, but the guy catches feelings and the girl wants nothing to do with a relationship.

(honestly, most people would probably find this movie boring - it’s a basic white het ship storyline; i only watched it because of the song, & the conversation in the song is literally the best part - otherwise the movie is hella bland & i wouldn't care if i never saw it again LOL so i’m def. not saying “go watch this” here.)

anyway, i’m listening to this song, and i’m like “omg, i can hear Giyuu & Shinobu saying every fucking line.”

basically, in my mind, Giyuu & Shinobu would start hooking up just for the sake of it - probably as a result of a quiet development of closeness born essentially out of convenience (they are always at the Ubuyashiki Estate together or working together), and then one night boning goes down. they’re attracted to each other; they like each other as people; and then the sex is good, so it keeps happening.

& very quickly, sad boi Giyuu, who is typically self-isolated and depressed, starts crushing hard. he’s alone and he’s desperate for human interaction and affection, even though he doesn’t realize it - and Shinobu is beautiful, and he admires her. plus they’re starting to have a lot of sex; & it’s pretty common for that to bloom some sense of love, ranging from base level attachment to infatuation to real feels - and it gets to the point where Giyuu wants to be with her.

but Shinobu doesn’t want the same thing. she cares about him (more than she can admit), but she’s fiercely independent and immensely dedicated to her work (with all her research and crafting of medicines & poisons). she puts this work above absolutely everything else with self-denying devotion - her happiness doesn’t matter; like she tells Tanjirou, she’s angry, and all that matters is success. a relationship for her would be a distraction, & she doesn’t need it - doesn’t want to deal with it; too many emotional ups & downs; too much drama; too much risk; too much intimacy with someone else, which actually terrifies her. so when Giyuu tells her he wants a relationship, she rejects him.

now let’s take the samples that slap me in the face with giyushino feels from street lights, which i can literally hear coming out of their fucking mouths.

Shinobu: You know me, this stuff freaks me out. It's fake. What’s wrong with what we’re doing? It’s working, we don’t have to fight -

Giyuu: Maybe I wanna fight.

Shinobu: Yeah, well I don’t.

Giyuu: What are you gonna do - you’re just never gonna feel anything? How are you gonna do that?

Shinobu: I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.

^ this exchange already starts murdering me because i feel like once Giyuu realizes he has legitimate feelings for Shinobu, and is wrestling with his own self-denial and inability to accept love from others because of how much he hates himself - he sees that Shinobu does the same thing - she doesn’t want to feel anything too deeply because she’s traumatized from Kanae’s death. she doesn’t want to love anyone else in a way that makes them more important than anything else (though, yes, we have to also acknowledge her love for Kanao here, but i imagine that's it for her - no more), so that she can’t experience loss again. she’s scared; she protects herself by being self-sufficient and dedicating herself to her work.

she's also stubborn asf, and sincerely believes in herself and what she's capable of, and so "I don't know. I'll figure it out." is literally what she would respond to this challenge.

Shinobu: I don’t need you to take care of me. I take care of myself. That’s what I do.

^ destroying me because this is exactly what Shinobu does. this is her MO; her armor.

Shinobu: Why don’t you go find some other girl who’s not gonna hurt you?

Giyuu: Because I love you.

^ help. why are they like this. it’s because Giyuu’s so alone, but when he feels, he feels deeply (seen even in his initially inexplicable sentimentality for Tanjirou & Nezuko from the beginning, all the way to when we finally hear his backstory with Sabito). he’s smart and intuitive, he can see right through Shinobu - right through everything she does to protect herself. he also doesn’t give up on people he cares about, and his sad boi meter is off the charts - he probably thinks he deserves rejection. plus we have Shinobu pushing everyone away so hard because she can’t handle it.

also going off the HC here that they’re casually hooking up throughout this: oh boy is this a mess of confusing emotions for both of them, both struggling to keep it bottled up, and Giyuu is clearly the weaker link. he just would be. he’s too sensitive.

Giyuu: It’s obvious, I completely love you - there. You’re such a wimp.

Shinobu: I am not!

Giyuu: Well then be with me.

^ why is this dialogue like, canon. it’s their personalities to a T - the way they push at each other in a way of making fun of each other; the way Giyuu is honest despite his problems with feelings; the way strong, independent Shinobu would be so offended at him calling her a wimp (which he totally would fucking say) - calling her out on how she blocks out feelings for others to stay focused on her mission so she can protect them, but so she also can’t get heartbroken, because she can’t go through that again.

*cough*

anyway. there’s my roughly 1k word count essay on how i envision a romantic giyushino dynamic. i’ll be trying to work this into my modern AU - but considering Giyuu and Shinobu are secondary characters, i don’t know how much i can explore this; still, i don’t have the full fic planned out, so nothing’s off the table.

but seriously, this shit hits me in my gut so hard i could probably write an entire fic about them just on this premise lol.

anyway, yeah. woke up at 7:30, made a cup of coffee, sat down on the computer and just wrote this essay out of nowhere in an hour because suddenly giyushino is also ruining my life.