#our man has been best bro this season

[just-here-with-my-thoughts]

Wrecker went down the ramp first because he didn't want Hunter to be crushed in case it wasn't her

[kaybreezy3000]

Looking for Happy Five Hargreeves X FTM Reader -anon request)

~Explicit sexual content -if no likey-stay away please.

Hilariously simple but true summary: Five Hargreeves is sad and horny and wants to fuck, and all he wants is you.

(Don't worry, I will try to take you a little emotional rollercoaster that's not all the dirty-dirty 👍)

~Reader is post-top surgery and pre-bottom surgery.

~This story was done as an anon request, asking if I'd be willing to do a pairing of Five X m reader, or Five X ftm reader. The request left the plot open for me to decide if it had much of one or how deep I went with it. Anon did give me a few fun ideas to include if I could, and I did my best to deliver and had a lot of fun doing it, so I hope you enjoy. Thank you, anon. And special thanks to my buddy Bad Kitty @badkitty3000 for proof reading this and catching my zillions of mistakes.❤️

(18,900 words)

Content Warnings and additional tags: Dom Five and some Sub Five, small 'Scream' movie add in per anon's personal love of the movie with sexy Billy and Stu, light praise kink, daddy kink, rough sex, choking, spanking, public sex, Five being sweet, Five being a cocky jerk, masturbation mentions, flirting)

NOTE: This story takes place during season four and after it, using a series of flashbacks, so it moves between past and present several times. Also, this was obviously written before season 4 came out, with an alternate season 4 ending written my way. It has lots of season 4 trailer and interview mentions to make it more fun and hopefully tie in a little with the real season 4.

~~~~~Looking for Happy~~~~~

Coming out of one of the empty offices at the Temps Commission headquarters, Five is met with silence. He still holds the title to the main building of the time controlling agency that he founded, but now, he and his family are the only ones that know it ever existed. 

He has no reason to be there.

It’s as it should be, but like always, he can’t seem to move on.

As Five told The Handler, he is a man that no longer belongs anywhere, only when he said that, he didn’t realize he was the driving force behind so much of his own suffering, or that in the end, it would all come down to him.

Everything he’s done was to restore life as it should be, and finally, this time they won. They are all alive. He should be happy. They are back in their original timeline where they should have always been, but the concept of time and Five’s place in it have always felt like pieces of a puzzle that were never meant to be solved. 

For everyone but the Hargreeves, with their exceptional powers given at birth, it’s as if the final battle that brought on the end, and then opened the door for the new beginning never happened.

That means you don’t remember him.

The rest of the world didn’t need to remember the terror. You just needed to live.

Strolling along, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast as the heels of his dress shoes echo down the vacant halls, despite his wins, Five feels empty. All he wants is to go back to a time and place that’s no more, back to when he could feel your lips pressed to his with a desperation that matched his own.

Reaching the end of the hall, he enters the narrow room filled with screens and panels of little white and blue blinking lights. He sinks into one of the industrial style chairs that’s placed in front of the Infinite Switchboard’s main frame.

Five clicks on the outdated looking monitor, his fingers turning the knobs, dialing.

~~~

Not long later, Five’s face is glued to the screen when Klaus peaks in at him from the hall.

Knowing Five would be here, Klaus passes over the threshold, loudly clearing his throat before saying, “Hey there, big bro…watcha doing?”

Five doesn’t even look up. “Yeah, lucky me. Is it time for our weekly check-in already?”

Treading lightly, Klaus approaches. “When you missed dinner tonight, we were a little worried you’d fallen asleep on the countertop in the break room again, but here you are...”

Klaus lightheartedly laughs at his attempt to make a joke about Five’s odd sleeping habits, but Five continues to ignore him.

“Thank goodness we still have a few of these things hanging around, otherwise the rest of us wouldn’t be able to visit this lovely place,” he says as he lugs up one of Five’s time traveling briefcases, waving it in his face.

Five glares at him.

“Really, man,” Klaus continues. “Everyone was there tonight. It was all the usual banter you’d expect from such an amazing group of misfits, but it would have been so much better if you were there too. Things even got a little out of hand when Diego insisted on coming here to force you to eat what was left of their disgusting vegan goulash, but don’t worry, I put him in his place.”

“Sure, you did,” Five mumbles.

Taking a step closer Klaus asks, “How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

Klaus’s eyes follow his brother’s unbroken gaze to the monitor, just as you enter your apartment building, where you stop in front of the wall of mailboxes. Your hand comes up, bringing your key to your lock, but your eyes remain fixed on the mailbox above yours.

“That was your mailbox,” Klaus points out, like Five doesn’t already know that.

Five once stood right there by you in that entryway. He hadn’t thought anyone that wasn’t part of his family would ever have the balls to try to put him in his place, but you did, and by doing it, you opened a part of him that before that, he hadn’t been willing to let anyone touch.

After shoving your mail in the back pocket of your baggy jeans, just like the day you met, with your face obscured by your sweatshirt, you stomp up the stairs, your anger evident.

The screen hisses with static as Five adjusts your location until it shows you walking into your bedroom. 

“Why don’t you just go there and talk to him? Maybe jump him in the shower or something. Sounds like something you kinky boys would both enjoy,” Klaus unhelpfully suggests.

“He’s not in the shower, you dumbass,” Five says, letting out an irritated sigh afterwards.

“He might be in a few minutes…”

“No.”

“Hey man, I know it wasn’t supposed to happen, but he remembers you,” Klaus insists, spinning Five’s chair around.

Swinging around, Five almost falls out of his chair. “What the fu-!"

“Five, I know you’re only trying to do what you think is right, but just look at him, something is wrong!”

Five does look, just as you pick up the stack of papers and news clippings from your bedside table. He doesn’t need to zoom in to see the one you are holding. It’s a famous image of him in his academy uniform, mask and all, standing like the smug little jerk he was while posing in line next to the rest of the superpowered Hargreeves children.

“There is no other explanation for why he is looking up all this stuff about you, and there’s other reason why he keeps coming by my old place,” Klaus furthers, “Why won’t you let me go talk to him? We were friends. He might remember me too.”

“Leave him alone!” Five snaps, but his bark has no bite, and his eyes can no longer hide how painful this is seeing you this way.

“Everyone is worried about you. We just want to help,” Klaus pleads.

“You can’t help me with THIS!” Hands shaking, Five jumps up, his voice breaking just a little as he says, “Klaus... I can’t.”  He looks back over at the screen, right as you furiously toss a tiny collector figurine version of him across the room. “Just because I want to see something in this doesn’t mean it’s real,” Five whispers, looking anywhere but at his brother, or you.

“He maybe wasn’t supposed to remember, but I think he does. As we all know, there are a lot of things that make no sense in this world,” Klaus disagrees. “There is something going on with him. Can’t you see he’s falling apart?”

Jaw working anxiously, Five drops back down in front of his screens again, flipping them to what is clearly a random time and date, somewhere in the past with ladies in long billowing skirts and the men in fancy dress coats, escorting them down muddy streets filled with steaming piles of horse shit.

It’s over.

This is how it always goes.

Klaus remains silent as Five pulls out a notebook, pretending to be taking notes on whatever he is pretending to get out of watching things from the past when there is no longer a reason to monitor it for corrections. 

Klaus knows that Five isn’t going to budge, but before he leaves, he says, “Five, I know you are only trying to do what you think is best for him, but what if it’s not best. It’s not too late to fix this part of what was broken too.”

Five’s pen slows as he looks up at his brother standing over by the door. He nods, trying to smile but Klaus can see it’s so hard for him to do it. “I promise I’ll be there next time. Tell Lila that I am sorry.”

“Tell her yourself,” Klaus shoots back, followed by a small chuckle, “She’s pissed. She worked for hours cutting up all those fancy organic carrots for you, so don’t be surprised if the next time you drop by, she chops something off that you find equally important as wanting us all to eat sustainably. And by important, I mean your wiener,” he unnecessarily clarifies.

The hint of a real smile fights to come out and wins this time as Five says, “Lila hates to cook, so I know she did not help make me dinner, and if she was going to chop off my dick, she would have done it by now.”

Klaus smiles too and shrugs. “Maybe… She was pretty mad at you though, so I guess you’ll have to come over to their place to find out if you are still besties. And hey, maybe think about bringing my friend along with you next time. Everyone is dying to meet him and see that adorable smiling face of yours. It’s not like we all don’t know how you like being perpetually grumpy, but seriously…you’re so much prettier when you smile.”

While Five is telling Klaus to fuck off, hoping he finally talked some sense into him, Klaus quickly rounds the corner, hoisting up his briefcase, his fingers punching in the correct date to go back to the present.

As soon as Klaus is gone, Five’s smile fades. He turns the dial, bringing up the footage of you also back in current time, right as you’re screaming into your pillow. “What the fuck is wrong with me!”

His heart breaks a little more.

Nothing is wrong with you. He is the problem, that is why he never should have done what he did. 

He should have let you walk away, but he didn’t.

~~~

The invisible string, a connection that refuses to be ignored, tugs at your mind and it won’t stop.

You’re going crazy.  

Like the miniature resin version Five you just sent flying, the pillow on your face joins it on the floor.

It makes no sense, but you can still feel the tickle of Five’s breath against your neck as you cuddled together on your couch, him contentedly holding you like he never wanted to let you go.

Your eyes remain focused on your motionless ceiling fan, but your brain refuses to come back to the present.

The pain inside your chest tightens.

You try to push it away, but it only gets worse the more you try to tell yourself to stop this.

This is insanity. You need help. That’s what people would say if you told them about the things going on inside your head.

From anything you can gather, Five’s family seem like they aren’t concerned about anything at all, but not that long ago you remember them being shown on every news channel, doing unimaginable things while defending themselves from the barrage of artillery being shot at them.

Five left you only hours before that, promising to be back, but he never came back.

Long after he said he’d be home, you watched in shock as the news blasted stories about him and other people associated with him that made no sense. They said they were aliens! They said they were superheroes from another dimension! They flashed images of Five’s much younger face alongside the other people he grew up with, including Klaus.

Then a war started in the streets.

Almost immediately, the news reporters had given up trying to maintain their façade of calm. The holiday lights beyond their lens twinkled eerily as the sound of explosions filled the air and rocked the ground.

People screamed and sirens blared, and not just on the TV. You could hear it coming from outside your windows.

As the collapsed news camera continued to stream live feed, out of nowhere, Five appeared in the frame, enveloped for a fraction of a second in a flash of violet hued light.

Your jaw nearly hit the floor. It couldn’t be real.

Five’s long coat tails flung like wings behind him as he grabbed ahold of the terrified girl whose picture you’d seen on the birthday invite Klaus had shown you. Five and the girl disappeared in another burst of light, just as bullets ripped through the metal garbage can she was hiding behind.

You smelled the smoke in the air when you ran outside. The earth shook, rattling your teeth as the echo of gunfire sent chills up your spine.

It all happened, only it didn’t. Nobody else remembers it.

Now, the Umbrella Academy is a thing of the past. The superpowered children that had once lived there are common knowledge, but they supposedly moved on with their lives long ago.

Klaus’s apartment isn’t his anymore, and the doors at the Umbrella Academy never open when you ring the bell.

The world in which you met is gone and the Five you knew is gone with it.

Five Hargreeves disappeared at the age of 13, never to be seen or heard from again.

Was any of it even real?

Again, you’re back to questioning your sanity.

“Fuck,” you curse, while raking your hand through your hair.

It’s been months. Three months and twenty-seven days to be exact since you first talked to Five, only then, you didn’t know that was his real name and not just a quirky nickname he preferred to go by.

He always had a nervous energy about him, and he always seemed distracted, so you usually paid no attention to him, but that day, something about the way he refused to acknowledge your presence set you off.

After he rudely stepped on your foot and pushed into you with his shoulder while reaching for his mailbox, you slammed your metal mailbox door closed, doing it much louder than needed.

You smiled with satisfaction when Five startled, even jumping a little.

He looked over at you with cartoon sized wide eyes.

Shaking your head, you’d said, “Not sure if you noticed, but you are not the only one trying to occupy this space. I exist too.”

Five’s eyes narrowed, the intensity of his glare slowly moving up and down as he took in your loose t-shirt and baggy jeans, comfortably paired with your favorite beat up low top sneakers.

You were sure the assessment he was making of you was not a good one. Especially when you consider that he was dressed impeccably as he always was, a long wool coat over a three-piece suit, with his hair a mess of chocolate brown strands, that though all over the place, only made him look even more unfairly attractive.

Compared to him, even though you stood over him by an inch or more, you suddenly felt like a tiny bug on the floor about to be obliterated under one of his shiny dress shoes. Your bodies outwardly didn’t look that much different, but you could tell that you were a little scrawny even when compared to his relative scrawniness. On top of that, he appeared to be close to the same age as you, but it was as if you were opposites, living in the same shitty apartment building, but he was somehow better than you.

You quickly concluded that he was a totally dickhead. Thinking about his stupid big black shoes, and then dicks as they related to shoe size, your mind started moving to certain ways that you were pretty sure you were different from him other than the fact that you weren’t an asshole.

You started to turn away, but before you did, you bitterly added, “I live here, by-the-way. We pass by each other almost daily. Not sure if you are aware of that?”

Ingrained manners getting the best of you, you extended a hand. Five looked at it like a foreign object.

He said nothing, so getting really mad, you casually as possible hooked a thumb under your waistline, while defiantly cocking your chin at him. “An I am sorry, or an excuse me, are just two options you could use to apologize when you just rudely rammed into someone, but it looks like you’re not going to do that since you lack even the most basic kindergarten level social skills.”

You tucked your mail in your back pocket and his eyes immediately moved down to your waist, openly checking out your striped boxers that were starting to show thanks to your pants sagging. Even more annoyed by this less than pleasant interaction, you started to walk away, quietly breathing out the word ‘jerk’ as you headed back towards the stairs.

“Wait!” he called out.

Surprised, you turned back to see the corner of Five’s mouth ticked up, the small movement hardly even noticeable if you hadn’t been suddenly hyper focused on the softness of his slightly parted lips.

“You aren’t wrong. Social graces aren’t where I excel,” he started. “I get lost inside my own head sometimes. I am sorry. Will you accept my apology, or is there something else I can do to make up for being so impolite? Wouldn’t want the neighbor boy thinking I’m a jerk.” 

He extended his hand. 

“You can call me Five, by-the-way.”

Fuck. He heard you, and what the hell, was he trying to be condescending? And Five? 

What the hell kind of name is that?

You looked back over at the name on his mailbox, it wasn’t Five.

“Five is a family nickname,” he explained. The dimple in Five’s cheek grew deeper the longer you dumbfoundedly stared at him. He lifted a brow. “I may be a lot of things, but deep down, I swear I’m a gentleman. I really am sorry for violating your personal space, but I am not that sorry about it because it meant we got to do this.”

What was with this guy?

Rarely did guys his age act so…

Shit… Was he hitting on you?

Five’s smile was like a superpower all its own and it was rendering you speechless, making you temporarily unable to maintain the level of irritation you’d had before. Feeling your face getting hotter, you couldn’t figure out why his words or his expression looked and sounded so flirty, but they did.

Maybe he was just trying to be nice?

Trying to play it cool, you threw a hand back through your slightly less shaggy looking haircut, then replied, “Sure… Nice to meet you and the apology is good enough. Very big of you. Thanks.”

Five’s taunting smile remained, as if you shooting him down was exactly what he wanted.

“Oh,” he breathed, digging through his stack of mail before pulling out an envelope, “I believe this is yours?” He frowned as he looked down at the feminine sounding name and your apartment number that was printed under the clear cellophane address window. “Your roommate, or girlfriend’s, I’m assuming?”

You took the mail from him. “No. No roommate and no girlfriend, just me.”

You were sure that Five looked relieved to hear that, and your breath caught, and your heart kicked up accordingly.

Adding the envelope to your back pocket, you breathed in, then slowly let it out as you rocked back on your heels. “That’s…my dead name,” you clarified.

Five said nothing. He seemed confused as his eyes wandered from yours and he rubbed his chin, but then his eyes suddenly came up, meeting yours again just as it seemed a lightbulb went off inside his brain.

His handsome smile took your breath away as he said, “I never would have guessed, but then again, there is a slightly unhinged, 64-year-old man hiding inside my head, and I am sure you never would have guessed that either.”

You laughed. You never would have guessed he’d be so funny or cute, but he was full of all sorts of surprises.

“You know, nobody reads the news that way anymore, other than grumpy old men, but I guess that makes sense since you’re a retiree,” you teased, trying to keep this whatever it was going by fucking with him again.

Unfazed by you making fun of him, Five nodded. “True,” he agreed, “When it comes to reading real newspapers and my other geriatric ways, I don’t mind getting my hands dirty from time to time on these ink smudged pages,” he waved his paper at you, “-or in other more challenging ways that are much more enjoyable. With the lifetime of experience I have under my belt, I’m sure I could teach you a lesson or two on how to have a good time the old-fashioned way.”

Taking his rolled newspaper, Five slapped it into his opposite hand, making a spanking gesture, all the while never taking his eyes off you.

You rubbed your palms down the front of your jeans. “Wha-what kind of fun?” you stammered, your brain clicking off as blood rushed between your legs.

“The crossword puzzle,” he clarified, followed by a cocky little chuckle. “There’s much more to the newspaper than doom and gloom news stories. It’s all about the delayed gratification. Seeing all those empty squares filled in the only words that can solve the puzzle is a sight well worth the effort.”

“You’re talking about doing crossword puzzles from the newspaper?”

“What else would I be talking about?” he countered.

Holy shit, you wanted to deck him.

~~~

A few days went by, and you didn’t run into your charmingly arrogant neighbor again, not until you were coming home late and you walked into a neighborhood pub to grab some dinner. You looked over, and to your surprise, you saw the familiar profile of a dark-haired asshole sitting alone at the bar.

“You can’t be twenty-one,” you said, sliding in next to him.

Five’s lips pulled to the side as he gave you the most mischievous looking side eye you’d ever seen. “So, you’re stalking me now? If my coworkers at the CIA knew how easily you tracked me down, I’d be fired.”

You scoffed, “You wish,” meaning both to the stalking and him working for the CIA.

Smirking fully, as if acknowledging he did wish you were stalking him, Five self-assuredly tipped his glass your way before sending the rest of the amber colored liquid down his throat.

With his head tipped back, tie pulled loose, and the top two buttons of his dress shirt undone, try as you might, you couldn’t stop looking at the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

“Really. How old are you?” you pushed, trying not to drool.

Five let out a cocky sounding laugh, his eyes a mossy calm as his gaze flicked down and up, drinking you in like he was a lion, sizing up its prey. “19 going on 64, give or take. Doesn’t matter because here, the drinks are strong, and the bartenders don’t care.”

“Right…” Shaking your head at him as you smiled, you flagged down a server.

Knowing what you wanted already, you ordered, but when you asked for it to-go, Five unexpectedly interrupted. “Make that for here, and for two, and put it on my tab, please.”

The bartender looked at you and you nodded that it was okay.

When you were alone again and Five realized you were still looking at him like he was nuts, he calmly said, “What? I thought we were friends now, and I owe you, remember?”

“I suppose that talking smack to each other for five minutes, one time, means we’re friends,” you pointed out, before adding, “And as long as you don’t try to plow into me again, you don’t owe me shit.”

Five shifted his weight, leaning closer, so only you could hear him since the seats on both sides of you had just been taken. “As a man that hasn’t come close to mastering traveling through time, both forwards or backwards, and can no longer do either anymore anyway, I can’t promise anything with it comes to my spatial awareness issues, but that’s a whole different problem of mine among the many. When it comes to sticking my landings and running into you accidentally or not, I tend to think you like the idea of me plowing into you again.”

Your mouth opened and closed a few times, like you were a brainless fish, nothing coming out, because what the hell do you say to that!

Five burst out laughing. “You are so easy to fuck with.”

“And you are a dick,” you duly noted.

“A dick that you’re apparently not opposed to eating dinner with, and hey, I’ll even buy you a drink too, but only if you’re a good boy and keep looking at me with that handsome little smirk of yours.”

Jesus… Did he just say that?

He did, and his patronizingly suggestive comments weren’t the only thing getting you worked up. You could smell the heady scent of his cologne every time you had to move closer to him to let someone else get up to the bar, and damn did he smell good.

“Confident much?” you cocked off.

Five shrugged. “Yes,” he said, matter of fact. “But the truth is, most of the time I am not great with people. I’ve spent most of my life alone, and I have only ever been with one other person intimately, and that relationship wasn’t what anyone would call normal, and abstaining from any sexual relationship since then is definitely not my penis’s first choice, it's more of an existential problem.”

“Oh, my God!” You burst out laughing.

Your second conversation with Five was starting no less shocking and confusing than the first, and like the time before, you were loving it.

For the next few hours, you sat there with him, getting to know each other, having several more drinks that went down with plenty of laughs and hardly concealed innuendoes that proved over and over that what was going on between you was much more than just friendly chatter.

With his dark strands of hair dangling in his eyes and his perfectly tailored three-piece suit, Five looked hot as hell, and because of that, he was getting checked out constantly the entire time, but he never seemed to notice, and that was because his eyes were always on you.

You didn’t even think about leaving until the band that had been setting up since you got there started to play, and it got way too loud to hold a conversation. As you offered to pay again, Five refused. Then, having already had his foot resting on the rung of your barstool, he abruptly spun you around to face him more directly, giving you an innocent looking smile as he let the tip of his shoe glide up your ankle.

“I’m not ready to let you go yet,” he said, his voice low.

“You’re not?” you sputtered, trying not to spray the liquid you’d just tried to swallow all over him.

“This has been nice,” he said, velvety soft as he moved closer “Thank you for keeping me company.”

“That’s not all I want to do,” you found yourself saying back, your lips brushing his cheek as your hand lowered to his knee, your palm running along the smooth wool fabric, stopping mid-thigh.

Five’s leg tensed. For the first time since you got there, he was tongue tied.

He suddenly moved back, and you instantly removed your hand. You were sure you’d just freaked him out, but then he quickly said, “Maybe we should move?”

Not a second later, you were both making your way through the mob of people, all the way to the edge of the dance floor in front of the stage.

Five seemed so at ease in the crowd, even having fun listening to the live music. He was not at all who you thought he was, and just looking at him next to you made it feel like you had a swarm of butterflies fluttering around in your stomach.

With eyes glossed over, standing as close as you were, the music wasn’t the only thing Five seemed to be enjoying. Taking full advantage of there being no room to move, every now and then, his hand would brush against the side of your thigh, staying there a little longer than necessary. Then, after both of you were getting repeatedly shoved around in the crowd of inebriated people, Five strategically placed himself behind you, as he was trying to protect you.

With him standing behind you, your body got even warmer, and you smiled to yourself, remembering how Five had claimed to be such a gentleman. Whether he did it to be gentlemanly or not, Five seemed all too happy to have a reason to press up against your backside, because now he had an even better reason to place his face next to yours, humming in your ear as he said absurd things to make you laugh.

You weren’t so much dancing together as the people around you were trying to do, but that didn’t mean Five wasn’t intentionally or unintentionally moving himself against you to the rhythm of the music. Trying to figure out which one it was, you reached back taking him his belt, tugging him flush as you dropped your head back and arched your back into him.

Five let out a pained sounding whimper as his hard-on poked the back of your leg and almost just as fast, the tip of his nose brushed your neck as the warmth of his breath caressed your skin. “I’m sorry, but fuck, you’re making me hard,” he whispered before you felt his lips gently kiss your already tingling skin.

He had no reason to be sorry.

Turning around, you slipped your hand around his, assertively leading him through the crowd. You weren’t even off the main floor, a few feet down a side hall near the bathrooms, when Five was on you, taking your face in his hands, pulling you into a kiss. He was so excited, his lips actually trembled as they pressed against yours, a low moan coming from deep inside his chest when you eagerly reciprocated.

It had to be a whole minute later before he let you up for air, gazing at you with darkened eyes as he smiled. "I really like you.”

Sliding your other hand around his neck, you grabbed at the soft tangle of hair brushing the crisp edge of his shirt collar, tugging it sharply. "You’re going to like me even more in a second,” you shot back, while moving your other hand lower.

Five let out the cutest sound as you started fondling him while also giving his mane another tug, but it must not have been all that upsetting that you were manhandling him because as you tightened your grip in his hair, his hips reactively bucked into yours.

Five’s hard cock pressed up against the crotch of your jeans as he ground himself against you, his hands hungrily groping your ass, pulling you back and forth over his dick.

"Fffiv-vvve," you panted into his frantic kiss.

He smiled against your lips and kept on kissing.

You trailed a hand up his inner thigh, cupping his erection through his clothing as your mouths parted wider. The heat of his tongue entered you, engaging you in a sloppy kiss that ended with biting and tugging at your bottom lip before he said, “You have no idea how bad I wanted this.”

Five let out a shaky sigh as he glanced over at the man carrying several cases of liquor, trudging by, heading towards one of the bars' storage rooms.

You were a little taken aback by how vulnerable he looked, his face flushed, and his lips wet and full from kissing you. You stayed silent for a few seconds, just looking at him.

You weren’t sure if he was going to stop. Something seemed off, only you couldn’t put your finger on it. Not that you were trying that hard. Your fingers were still busy doing something else.

Before you got too worried that he’d changed his mind, Five started kissing again, your oversized sweatshirt hood falling over your heads.

Going at it hard, with his hands latched on your ass, Five dry humped you into the wall, not even stopping when the door across from you flung open. Coming to your senses only slightly, you shoved Five backwards, forcing him into the men’s room.

Your adrenaline was pumping hard, and your heart was racing as the door closed behind you.

Five came at you again. Your hands went around him as he grabbed a handful of your ass, nearly lifting you off the floor. He pinned you to the wall again, his cock slamming between your legs.

His hands ran down your sides, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise as he kissed and sucked your collarbone, trailing teeth and kisses gently up your neck.

Breathing heavily as you momentarily broke apart, Five anxiously said, “You need to tell me to stop if this is too much, okay?”

You didn’t reply verbally, instead you kept kissing him. Five groaned into the kiss and pushed your crotches together with more determination.

Miraculously for as busy as the bar was, the bathroom was empty, but it wouldn’t be for long. Not even breaking apart, you walked Five backwards again, moving him inside the largest bathroom stall. Thankfully it didn’t appear that dirty, but again, you weren’t really looking.

You kicked the door closed, hand only leaving Five long enough to twist the lock. Lips coming off your neck, Five’s eyes trailed up and down your taller frame. He reached out as you cornered him, brushing some of your hair away from your ear while his other hand snuck between your legs and squeezed your crotch. Looking pleased with himself and what he was feeling, he tilted his head to kiss your neck while he rubbed his hand over your clothed sex repeatedly.

In return, you moved your hand over his dick again, unzipping and then tugging his pants down. His cock sprung forward with no underwear to prevent it from happening.

Naturally you both looked down, and wow did Five look proud as your eyes went wide.

“Impressed?” he asked.

“Hardly.”

He was clearly not buying that lie because fuck…

With no further ado, you lowered to your knees, and he watched you do it as if transfixed. Your hand wrapped around his ankle, then trailed up a bit further, before you stopped under his knee, rubbing lightly.

Five reactively opened his legs a little, and so did you in a futile effort to ease the slight feeling of friction you were experiencing against your briefs.  

You were buzzed and horny, and this was nuts, but fuck it. This was happening!

Five’s cock was already leaking. You licked your lips and positioned yourself. With the hand not already holding him, you reached out and gave his long cock a tentative pump, spreading the precum around with your thumb. He pulled back a little.

“You okay, big shot?” you teased.

A smile crept onto Five’s face, but his voice came out so broken it caught you off guard. “You don’t have to do this.”

Okay… Maybe he was nervous, that was fair, especially if all his arrogance was just a show and what he said about being inexperienced was true, but considering how he had just been all over you, and now you were on your knees in a bathroom stall with his dick in your face, you looked up at him in disbelief as you said, “I know I don’t have to do this. I want to. Now stop being so damn frustrating and let me suck your dick!”

It was as if something in him snapped, the darkness in Five’s eyes smoldered as he purred, "Just remember, pretty boy, you asked for it. I am going to fuck your face so hard you’ll think twice before smarting off to daddy again.”

Holy fuck that was fucked but it only made you wetter.

Just then, someone walked in, going straight to the urinals. Your heads both flung that way. If they looked behind them, they for sure would see Five’s shoes lined up against your knees. There was no question what was happening, and even more turned on by that, you started stroking Five gently as you could while playfully sticking out your tongue to lick up the glistening fluid running down his shaft.

Falling back against the partition between the stalls, Five’s head made a hilariously loud thunking sound.

You kept at it, kissing the slit of his rounded tip, working it in a circular pattern. Five let out the quietest hum of approval as his fingers at his sides clenched and unclenched repeatedly.

You kept toying with him, enjoying how he was struggling to stay quiet, but only until the door closed and you were alone again, then he brought his hand to your cheek.

You looked up as his hand moved into your hair. “You look so good with your mouth on my cock.”

To that, the throbbing between your legs had you tensing your thighs to increase the sensation but it wasn’t enough and you let out a moan of complaint over it that made the darkness in Five’s eyes look all the more wicked with delight.

You put his whole tip in your mouth, opening and closing your kiss reddened lips around it, grazing it just barely with your teeth. From above, Five let out a moan as his hand in your hair moved, brushing your fringe of hair out of your face.

He couldn’t take his eyes off you and God did you love it.

He was letting out breathy sighs and grunts as you serviced them, his free hand pushing back through his hair the more agitated he got.

Wanting to send him over the edge, with the hand you were holding him with, slowly pumping him at just the tip, you leaned in even more, letting the musky scent of him fill your senses as your tongue ran along his balls. You were rewarded for that with a deep groan and an unsteady hand coming to the top of your shoulder.

That was all the praise you needed.

“Fuck yeah,” Five hissed, then he bit down on his lower lip, as you took him in your mouth, moving over him just little deeper and faster.

Almost right away, Five started rocking his hips in strained, shallow nudges. Each time he entered you and hit the back of your throat, he’d break apart a little more, and you swore you’d never seen anything so beautiful in your life.

Petting you, and making your hair all sorts of fucked up, Five encouragingly murmured “You are so fucking good at this. Fuck- Ohh-ffffff-you’re amazing,” he gasped.

Even though it was happening, you could hardly believe you were seeing this normally composed man turning into such a stuttering, red-faced mess.

Tipping your head back and opening your throat to him, the thick head of Five’s cock moved inside with ease, fucking you deep and hard enough in quick but controlled thrusts that it took away your ability to breathe.

Your eyes instantly began to water.

“Fu-ck-ye-ah-take-my-dick,” Five stammered as he wildly fucked into you.

The door opened again, the music getting louder for a moment before it shut again. This time there were several guys in there, but between the sound of them pissing, and their talking, and the thrum of the bass coming from outside, it still wasn’t enough to hide Five’s sharply cut off breaths and curses.

They knew, but the way Five’s eyes kept drooping closed proved his brain was no longer running the show and he didn’t care.

His fingers gripped tighter, yanking at your hair. You took the abuse, gagging on him until Five suddenly clasped his hands on the sides of your face, stopping you. “I’m gonna-cum,” he quietly cried.

He had a panicked look in his eyes. His teeth were clenched, and it was clear he was trying so hard not to orgasm, but it was coming one way or another, even with the guys outside your stall snickering and making lewd comments.

“Fuck yeah you are, and you’re going to do it my mouth,” you commanded, right before sucking him raw again, taking him all the way to the hilt.

Losing all self control, Five started railing your face again.

You couldn’t breathe at all, and were choking on your own spit. Your fingers dug into his thighs as your body instinctively fought back, but Five held the back of your head tight, forcing you down on him over and over.

Then, while violently scrambling your brains with his throbbing cock, hot spurts of Five’s seed started shooting down your throat. His hips jerked uncontrollably as he dug his heels into the floor. He fell back against the wall again. The waves of his shuddering release came out in a cadence of grunted curses as he moved himself in and out of your gaping mouth, moving slower and slower with each thrust until he was spent.

Having dumped his load, he started to slide out. Getting oxygen again, your blurred eyes took in the sight above you as you gave his well worked shaft a few more loving licks and twirls of your tongue. Sure that you just blew his mind, you popped your mouth off and smirked.

Five’s doe eyes were only slightly open and the dreamy way he was looking down at you was priceless.

~~~

Five was temporarily out of commission but you were both still horny as fuck as you burst out in the cool night air onto the sidewalk. Both riding the high, you fully intended to take your fun back to one of your apartments. As worked up as you were, coming out of that bathroom, hand-in-hand, quickly cutting through the crowded bar, your discussion hadn’t gone much past both of you smiling like idiots, but you knew the night wasn’t over, that was until you saw Klaus.

“Five?” he questioned, sounding totally shocked to see him as he approached from the opposite direction with his colorful meditation robe bundled around him.

Five slowed to a stop, back peddling a little. You looked from him to your friend, as his hand slipped from yours.

“Hey there, little brother,” Klaus said, “Would have never thought I’d see you out this late. What’s this?” He pointed at you with one of his latex covered gloves, the motion exposing his usual weird bubble wrap inner padding system that he liked to keep secured around him, so as he put it, he didn’t die while accidentally getting run over. “I didn’t know you guys knew each other,” Klaus added as he waved the hand holding his Styrofoam cup between the two of you.

It was subtle, but Five moved away from you a little more as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, trying even harder to hide that he’d been touching you.

Looking very uncomfortable, Five cleared his throat. “Well, Klaus, what with the nature of my employment, I am known to leave my apartment from time to time, and it’s not like I see you that often, so you wouldn’t know that. I also wasn’t aware that I needed to keep you updated with who my acquaintances are.”

Five looked at you for the briefest of moments, no indication of the sweet guy he had been in his now hardened eyes.

“We live in the same building,” Five irritatedly furthered, as he looked at Klaus again. “Happened to run into each other a bit ago while picking up dinner, so yeah… That’s it.”

“You guys going anywhere else fun? I’d love to join you, catch-up on life before the big family reunion b-day party next weekend.” Klaus held up his drink again. “This tea is amazing. I got it at a place about a block down. I’ll buy you guys one,” he pushed as you silently tried not to let it show how confused you were.

You’d met Klaus over a year before while at a park. He was there alone, sitting under a shady tree, legs crossed, eyes closed while positioned in namaste, when one of your friends threw a frisbee that glided over and clocked him in the side of the head, which was the only part of him not covered with protection from germs or flying projectiles.

Running over to apologize, from that point on, you’d been friends with the slightly odd, but always interesting spiritualist. The fact that Klaus was Five’s older brother, one of the other six orphans he’d told you he’d grown up with, was as crazy and unsettling as the way Five was acting all of a sudden.

As if you weren’t already feeling like shit, then Five said, “No thanks. I’ll have to pass on the tea. I have work to do at the office. I’ll see you around.”

“You still doing cool secret government stuff?” Klaus questioned, but Five didn’t answer him, or specify if he meant he’d see you around, or just his brother, then he strode off, his breath a plume of white in the night air as he quickly rounded the corner like he couldn’t get away quick enough.

~~~

The work week came and went, and you didn’t run into Five again, but that didn’t mean you hadn’t thought about him about a million times.

Of course, you asked Klaus about him, and he asked you about you and Five. Klaus said that his brother was super secretive. He said that he thought Five worked for the government in some capacity, but really, he wasn’t sure, but you were pretty sure that was a lie.

Klaus said Five was a loner and that he didn’t get out socially that much, so he was floored when he saw him laughing and smiling, walking down the street with you, and that part you figured was true.

When Klaus pressed you about Five, you could tell that he knew you were lying when you went along with Five’s story, by not giving him anything new, other than you’d eaten dinner with him since you both happened to be sitting at the same bar.

You said you were being neighborly. That was it.

You both weren’t telling the whole truth, and you both knew it.

As much as you wanted to tell someone how mad you were about what Five had done, it sure as hell wasn’t going to be his older brother. The way Five played you was dirty, but you weren’t the type to start shit.

Five was a prick. End of story.

You didn’t know if he was ashamed of people knowing about him being with you, or it was just his family knowing about it, or if he just used you to get off and that’s all it ever was.

It didn’t matter.

You felt so stupid because you had felt like you had something real with him, something that was maybe a bit too much based on an intense sexual attraction and a shared craving to one up the other with cocky remarks and flirty jokes, but there was also something else. When you were with Five, it felt like you were all that he could see. And even more important, he saw you how you wanted to be seen.

You wanted to get lost in him and the feeling seemed to be mutual, but you were wrong.

What Five did hurt. There was no other way to put it.

When you came and went from your place, a part of you wanted to run into him, and another part of you never wanted to see him again. Some days when you couldn’t stop thinking about that asshole’s smile and those dark lashes of his fanning his pale cheeks, you contemplated going up a floor to kick his door in, to either jump his bones or kick him in the nuts, maybe both.

You didn’t.

It had been a long day, and the last thing you wanted was to go out. You were planning on having over a group of guys to watch a horror movie marathon. It was going to be a mixed group, old friends and Klaus.

Klaus always seemed lonely, too obsessed with keeping himself from getting sick or avoiding quicker, more gruesome forms of death, so you weren’t about to leave him out. He needed to get outside of his head and so did you. Klaus was someone that needed a friend and you were happy to bring him into your fold, even if he often remained quiet, or nervously excitable. He could be so hot and cold, and so detached, and something about that reminded you of Five.

They were brothers, so…

No. 

No, you were not going there.

Fuck Five.

You dropped some bags of chips and other junk food on the table in front of the couch, busying yourself with getting things ready for your guests, rather than wasting your time thinking about Five.

Life goes on, your friends showed up and as usual, Klaus was late, but when he knocked on your door with his brother in tow, you naturally did a double take because you were so floored.  

“Mind if I join you?” Five sheepishly asked while handing you a bottle of very expensive looking Scotch, the same brand he kept buying you at the bar.

There you were, wearing your favorite sweats and frumpy faded t-shirt, and there he was, looking amazing as always in his slim fit white dress shirt and usual black slacks, but gone was the self-assured guy who strutted into your life and then stomped on your dick.

He looked so nervous and unlike himself that all you could bring yourself to do was take the bottle as you nodded your head, stepping aside to let them in.

Klaus came waltzing in, minus his usual bubble wrap bumper vest, which you assumed he left at Five’s apartment before coming down to yours. He instantly took his place on your recliner since you’d abandoned it.

“Since, my dearest little brother lives in your building and you two are friends, I figured I’d stop by and see if he wanted to join us,” he explained, clearly aware that you weren’t thrilled. “With how chummy you two looked the other night, I was surprised that you hadn’t already plucked Five out of his boring man cave,” he added while wagging his eyebrows at you.

“Funny, when inviting my friends over, thinking anything about Five and our chumminess totally slipped my mind,” you muttered, as you glared at the jerk you did not want there who was still expectantly staring at you.

The asshole was standing there on your door mat, looking about as clueless as ever, so you waved him on. “Don’t just stand there. Come on in. Join the party. We’re about thirty minutes into the first ‘Scream’ movie.”

“Are you sure this is, okay?” Five quietly asked, clearly not wanting anyone else to hear as you shut the door behind him.

“Why wouldn’t it be,” you shot back, the anger in your voice impossible to hide.

“It’s not what you think. I am sorry,” he tried.

“Whatever,” you snapped. “Hey, Klaus!” He looked up with his mouth full of popcorn. “Introduce your brother, please.”

After dismissing him, with no other choice Five walked out to meet your friends.

Entering your kitchen, you got down some tumblers to pour everyone a glass of Five’s ‘you sucked my dick and then I rejected you,’ peace offering or whatever the fuck it was supposed to be.

“Gentleman, my ass,” you breathed before coming out to the living room with your hands full of the sloshing liquid.

Of course, there was nowhere to sit but next to him on your L-shaped couch. Five was at the hooked end, doing his best to look somewhat comfortable.

Like before they came, mostly everyone ignored the addition to the party as they zoned out, watching the movie, making comments here and there. As it was before, everyone was just chilling, lounged out on your furniture. Deputy Duey was being a dipshit that you couldn’t help but love, and terrified girls with big tits, and stupid horny guys ran for their life, screaming as the ghost-faced killer sliced and diced them.

It would have been great, exactly what you needed, but Five’s presence was making it anything but relaxing for you. He was so close; you could feel the heat of his leg next to yours as the silent tension between you grew. The way he was bouncing his knee made it clear he wasn’t feeling very comfortable either, but fuck him.

Nearing the end, when the masks came off, Five’s agitation had gotten noticeably worse. He could hardly hold still. You could tell he wasn’t okay. His hand laying against his leg was shaking. Not even thinking, you reached over, placing yours over it.

His breath hitched as he looked at you. “Excuse me,” he whispered, abruptly pushing himself up off the couch.

As he passed, Klaus gave his brother a worried glance, but you told him to stay put as you got up to follow Five.

Coming around the partition dividing your small living space, you saw that Five had himself leaned back against your kitchen counter, head down, pinching his forehead between two fingers.

“Not enjoying the movie?” you sarcastically asked.

Five pulled in a long breath AS he looked up at you. “I am afraid that as an ex-assassin, there is something about these tragically misguided young men happily stalking their prey before slicing them apart with blunt objects that hits a little too close to home.”

You blinked rapidly. “You’re kidding?”

His lip quirked up. “Not entirely.”

“Ah-huh,” you breathed before taking a long pull of your drink while glancing around the corner at the TV in the other room.

“At least part of the motivation for these two bonehead murderers being their secret love affair made this otherwise less than thrilling teen slasher film less boring,” Five furthered, seemingly a little less upset, almost playful as he smiled a little more when you looked at him again.

“What! NO! I love this movie,” you argued, forgetting that you hated him, even playing up how offended you were by his comment over your favorite scary movie. “And hell yes, them being mad as fuck for each other makes this better,” you agreed, followed by a laugh.

Five’s smile fell. “I wish I hadn’t done what I did the other night.”

“Then why did you?”

He ran his hand back, pushing his hair out his eyes, but it fell right back. “Because, when it comes to my family, it’s complicated, and not even factoring them into my life, I don’t know how to be with anyone, and I don’t know if I should be with anyone with the way I am anyway.”

“I don’t get it. If you’re ashamed-"

“It’s not that,” he interrupted, then he raised his voice. “I don’t care if the entire world knows how I feel about you!”

Klaus had been talking, but hearing that, the other room got very quiet.

“You are the first person I want to open myself to like this, or who has ever made me feel this way,” Five said, coming to you, his hands finding yours at your sides as he leaned into you. “I still want this more than anything, I just messed up because I am messed up.”

Coming closer, his lips touched yours so softly for just a fraction of a second. His eyes like gems, implored you-asking forgiveness.

“Since the other night, other than hating myself, I have wanted nothing more than to see your smile again,” he whispered, “even though what I did made it seem like I don’t care about you, that is about the farthest thing from the truth. Will you give me a second chance to show you how much you mean to me?”

You were pretty sure you couldn’t have made your lips form the word no, no matter how hard you tried.

“Are you sure you’re not embarrassed about this?” you questioned, your fingers making soothing circles along the undersides of his wrists.

Five smiled again. “I’m sure.”

“Prove it.”

“You forgive me then?”

“I’m working on it, but you have a lot of making up to do.”

Five’s hand moved around to your lower back, sliding up the back of your shirt, pulling you closer. You nudged his nose with yours.

“Like I said, prove it,” you softly repeated, daring him to show you that he meant what he said about not caring if his family or anyone else knew.

Five glanced over your shoulder, as if he could see your guests even though there was a wall in the way. His hand moved along your hip, slipping below the waistband of your sweatpants. “What do you have in mind for how I can prove it to you, handsome?”

He plucked the knot in your drawstring free, pulling the bunched cotton at your waist, loosening it so his hand could slip inside your pants.

“This, maybe?” he hummed against your ear, his fingers just under the elastic of your briefs.

You looked back at him with pleading eyes.

“Your bedroom is right over there but you want it right here, don’t you dirty boy?” he taunted.

There was no time for a comeback, only a shuttered breath before Five’s hand dove lower and you gasped at the sudden feeling of his finger abruptly entering you.

A devilish smile lit up Five’s face. “Awww… Wet for me already? Such a good boy,” he chuckled as his finger began to move, lovingly stroking the lubrication upwards.

You lowered your head against his neck, your body already tightening with pleasure from the feel of his finger rubbing against your clit.

Five kissed your forehead as you clung to him, his words tickling the shell of your ear as he spoke. "Wanna give our audience a show? You were amazing the other night, but I’m sure if we both try really hard, we can do better this time.”

You whimpered, trying to put your thighs together so you could increase the friction. Five brought another finger into the game trailing his digits up and down before flicking them against you, making you let out a small moan.

A shout came from the other room. “Hey! While you guys are in there, you should make some more popcorn!”

Twisting just enough, you snatched a bag of microwave pop off the counter, furiously tearing into the plastic with your teeth before spitting it out. You reached back, yanking the microwave open, carelessly tossing it in there without looking.

After you slammed the door shut, while smiling at you looking so fucking cocky, Five helpfully reached up, punching in the popcorn button before he hit start. He raised a brow. “Looks like I better get to work. We have a countdown, sweetheart.”

Moving his fingers quickly, jerking you hard, you let out a low groan that got much higher pitched when you felt the warmth of his erection nudging your hip.

Riding Five’s glorious fingers, but thinking of him slowly entering you with his heavy cock instead had your eyes rolling back in your head. The agonizing pace he was setting making your moans of complaint louder.

“That’s it, baby, louder,” he encouraged, gazing at you with half lidded eyes that were so beautiful.

“I need more,” you hissed, gritting your teeth.

“So needy,” he teased, just before his finger dipped inside you again, only this time crooked up just a little before he pulled it out again.

Then, just as you thought the bastard was going to really start finger fucking you, he slipped his hand out of your pants leaving your cunt clenching around nothing. After your waistband snapped against your tensed abs, Five brought his slicked finger to his mouth, making a naughty show of sucking it clean.  

“I fucking hate you!” you growled.

If he tried to leave you with blue balls again, you were going to kill him!

Five gave you a sly grin and you frowned. “I’m going to make you take that back,” he menacingly sang, then suddenly your pants and underwear were tugged down, and your legs were forcefully spread open by his knees wedging yours wide.

His hands come up your sides, moving under your shirt, over your rib cage. His eyes looked into yours, watching you for signs of distress as his fingers moved up, traveling over the flattened planes of your pecs.

You closed your eyes and you felt Five rest his forehead against yours.

His hand smoothed down to your hips again, stopping.

You took a deep breath.

“You are the most handsome man I have ever seen,” he breathed, throwing you off even more.

To say your senses were heightened was an understatement. Every sound your friends made in the other room only added to the tension brewing. All they had to do was come around the corner and they could see you back up against your counter with Five dominatingly standing between your legs as your pants and underwear lay in a heap at your ankles.

Five moved his forehead away from yours. “I will stop if you want me to. If not, you know what to say,” he soothed. “You want me to suck you off, right here. Right now. With them listening.”

 Little explosions started to go off inside the microwave.

 You had never been so hot and bothered in your life. You moaned desperately, “Five, you fucking-!"

"Shh...” Five teased as his hand moved up over your mouth to silence you. "Can’t have you getting too loud. Don’t want anyone thinking I’m in here doing awful things to you.” He leaned in, his breath ruffling the short ends of your hair, his words ominously intimidating. “I want to hear you beg.”

“Please,” you whimpered under his hot fingers.

"Sorry, what was that?" Five asked, sweet as honey while moving his hand a little so you could say it louder.

“Please!”

“That’s it.” Five’s sinful looking grin spread across his entire face.

He got down on his knees. Not taking his eyes off you, he pushed up your t-shirt just a little so he could leave a trail of wet kisses along the fine trail of hair leading from your belly button downward.

He let out a heavy breath, hovering over your sex. “You’re perfect, you know that, right?” he said, then his tongue drug along your length before flicking against the tip of your swollen clit.

“Oh, FUCK,” you loudly cursed.

You tried to relax and keep your hips still as Five licked at you slowly, but with the way his tongue was pushing between your thickened folds it was impossible

A bitten whimper croaked out of you as he licked up a stripe while slowly palming his own dick. You lowered to your head, your fingers threading through his hair, tightening.

You gasped when Five began sucking you. His hum of approval and the sting of pleasure from his teeth accidentally dragging as he sucked a little too roughly, left your thighs shaking and the next thing you knew, you were grinding down on him trying to get more.

Undeterred, by you humping his face, Five continued to contentedly lap at you. At this point, you didn’t know what to focus on, the pleasure that was tearing through your veins, the screams coming for movie, the people who could come in the kitchen at any second, or the fact that there was no way Five was able to breathe correctly with the way he was going at it, his whole face buried between your legs, fucking you.

Everything clouded over. His hands were plastered to your thighs, his hair was sticking out in a million places, and his tongue kept probing inside your entrance, devouring you before he came back up to harshly flick at your clit again.

Your body fought against the invasive sensation. Vulgar noises were being forced out of you, but you couldn’t cum no matter how badly you wanted to.

The microwave beeped.

“I-I fff-fu-ah-ck,” you stammered as you tugged at Five’s dark waves, attempting to separate your throbbing sex from his mouth, but he wasn’t having any of that.

He grasped your waist, holding you in place, hungrily demolishing you. He was like an animal, the scratchiness of his very light stubble only adding to the brutality of what he was doing to you.

It felt like every nerve in your body was being touched at once. You were being torn apart more and more with each trail of his tongue and rub of his fingers, pinching and pulling you between forefinger and thumb as he sucked your clit like a dick.

As your orgasm hit, it felt electric, a flash after flash of hot white light.

Five made you cum so hard that you totally forgot that he was fisting his own cock, but he sure was, and he was loudly moaning while doing it and still sucking you with the most tender of kisses, making sure not to leave you until you’d ridden out all your crashing waves of pleasure.  

When he finally came up for air, his face from his eyes down was shining and his smug grin proved that he could have cared less that he was a mess.

 “So, did you enjoy cumming on my face?” he rhetorically questioned.

He lifted himself off the ground, staring at you as he leaned in, connecting your lips, making you taste yourself on his tongue.

“I am not sure. It was okay, I guess,” you said, smirking when he pulled away, wiping his face and then yours with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Maybe one more try, with a little more tongue and teeth this time and you’ll have a more definitive answer?” he suggested.

He started to drop back down, and even though your body felt like jello, you pulled him back up easily enough.

As you were reaching to pick up your pants, Five took advantage of you dropping your guard to quickly spin you around, your socked feet slipping on the floor before he aggressively pulled your hips out, making you present your ass to him.

You heard him hastily unhooking his belt, the metal clanking together before you heard his zipper coming down, then his body molded to your backside, the tip of his thick cock dangling between your legs.

“We aren’t done and I’m not stopping until they know you’re mine,” he said while lovingly massaging the side of your ass.

He started nudging himself against your inner thigh and you let out a little whimper. “So cute, just like your little dick,” he mocked. Then he moved his hand around you, tugging you out a little more from the counter so he could grope you, making you shudder.

He slapped your ass hard, the thwack sure to make everyone’s head in the other room spin in your direction. You jolted up. You heard your friends laughing, then Five spanked you again. "Fuck!” you cried, moving your ass against his cock even tighter.

“You really want it, don’t you baby,” Five growled in your ear, slapping your ass again.

“Please!" you begged with your head falling back against Five’s shoulder before rolling to the side so you could see him.

“You want danger?” he purred as he yanked up his shirt, letting his predatory eyes narrow at the sight of his cock wedged between your cheeks.

You said nothing, so, looking like a mad man, he reached up, taking hold of your neck.

You whined and squirmed in his grasp as his other hand cupped you bare. He slid his fingers inside as his thumb swirled over your slippery clit. Before you could make a sound, he started to choke you. 

He fingered your hole roughly, as he cut off the flow of oxygen to your brain. You couldn’t even think. You were drowning with desire, your body submitting.

Five started to rut his hips into you as you lost your mind, moaning into the palm of his hand.

That’s when Klaus called out. “How’s that popcorn coming, boys? Better not be any dick in it!”

As Five fucked into you and his second finger slide inside, you all but screamed through his fingers. “Mmmfff-fuck, Ff-ive!”

If Five hadn’t thought to muzzle you, you were being so loud, it wouldn’t just be the people in the living room aware of what he was doing to you.

As if that wasn’t enough, Five bit down on your shoulder through your shirt, thrusting as hard and as fast as he could go.

You felt your orgasm building all the way from your toes to your stomach. Your calves painfully flexed as you bucked your hips, trying to get more.

Five let out a moan of his own, and the pleasure of his fingers, the dizziness of being choked, along with the pain from his teeth marking had you clenching around his fingers.

The only sounds that could be heard in the room were the sounds of squelching, your moans, and Five’s sexy grunting.

Yanking your face back, he took his hand off your mouth, forcing his tongue onto yours, aiming to take you for all you were worth.

Your walls contracted around him, spilling fresh liquid pleasure with his every thrust.

His breath and his movements started getting more erratic, and he let out a few manic sounding noises.

He only stopped slipping his dick up and down your crack for a second to reposition himself. Apparently, the new angle was even better for him because when he started back up, his fingers in you started to move again too and that got you cursing and gasping into his hand again.

"Good boy. Let it out. Your pussy is mine now,” he growled, but he didn’t let you let it out as he clamped down on your mouth harder and slammed into you with all the energy he had.

You peaked again, him clinging to you, your stifled gasps hissing through his fingers.

“So perfect,” he breathed, then he let you free, the air filling your lungs doing nothing to clear your clouded mind and you helplessly slumped over.

One of his hands kept a tight hold on your hip, the other taking care of his own need. The sight of you bent over on the counter in front of him had Five grunting and growling as he stroked himself, his cum splattering all over your abused ass.

When Five was done, he crashed into you, pulling you up in a lovers embrace from behind, panting harder than he had been the entire time. The second he had enough air to speak, he did. “That was- Fuck."

You were out of it, legs shaking, mouth agape, head lolling to the side. He grabbed your face and languidly kissed you before breaking away, his lips moving along your sweat moistened neck as he said, “I want you and only you and I don’t care who knows. Don’t you ever question that again.”

“Ready or not, the men out here are demanding a proof of life check after that beautiful screaming performance, and we need more sustenance, so pull your pants up! I am coming in,” Klaus suddenly shouted.

Scrambling, you and Five both untangled yourselves. He snatched your hand towel off the counter, taking it to your butt cheeks, doing his best to wipe you first, then himself.

Dropping to the floor, he started pulling your sweatpants up, then sure you had them in hand, Five started trying to fix his own rumpled clothing.

“Is my little brother behaving himself?” Klaus questioned and by the way he said it, you could tell he had a huge smile even before he rounded the corner, eyeing you both up proudly.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Five fired back, with his pants only just zipped up, the ends of his belt hanging in front of the prominent tent he was still sporting. 

“Oh, I don’t know… Sounded like you were getting a little frisky in here is all,” Klaus replied.

Five reached over, opening the microwave, throwing the bag of popcorn at his brother.

As one would expect, Klaus started tossing the bag, hand to hand. “Ouch! Hot! Hot!”

You couldn’t help but laugh. That’s how mind blowingly dazed you were. You could tell it took a great deal of effort for Five to pry himself from you and you were still having a hard time standing up straight, so you had no idea how he was composing himself so well but then again, he didn’t just cum three times.

“If only I could blink us out of here,” he muttered while sticking the prong of his belt through the length, tightening it as he looked at you fumbling the strings on your sweatpants.

“Blink?” you questioned, unable to stop laughing as you said it because for the life of you, you couldn’t perform the simple task of tying a knot.

“What my adorable brother is referring to,” Klaus said, “is a thing we used to call a thing he used to do.” He reached out, ruffling Five’s already fucked up hair. “He’s super fast, but you already knew that,” he said while winking at you, “He used to be able to blink or as the common man says, telapor-"

“If you don’t shut your yapper, I am going to shut it for you,” Five snapped, while reaching over to tie your pants up since you’d failed and they were already slipping down.

“Oh… Not going there yet. Okay,” Klaus said as he shrugged off whatever Five was angrily trying to get him to shut up about. “You two joining us for the second movie?” Klaus mumbled with a handful of freshly popped kernels in his mouth.

You looked at Five. He took you by the hand, grabbing the bottle of liquor off the counter in his other, leading you out there.

Moving to your spot on the couch, Five sat down first, pulling you down next to him. As soon as you were seated, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in tighter, his lower leg hooking yours to him as he took your throw blanket, tossing it over you both.

“So, you guys a thing now,” your buddy next to him asked while giving you a smart-ass grin.

Five glanced at you. He squeezed his hand that was already in yours. “Yes,” you firmly stated and just like the amazing friends they were, they all let it go. They could see this is what you wanted. It was written all over your hopeful face.

You leaned back against Five’s warmth, the comforting rise and fall of his chest reassuring you that everything was as perfect as it seemed.

Every so often, as his fingers absentmindedly trailed down your arm, Five would softly kiss the side of your cheek, then nuzzle his face into your hair.

~~~

When you woke, hours later to one of your friends leaving and Five attempting not to wake you as he quietly answered something his brother had just said, you had no idea what time it was.

“Klaus was planning on staying at my place,” Five whispered. “We have that family birthday thing early in the morning and we are riding together.” He slid you out from under him. “You want me to carry you to your room?” he asked, as he righted himself.

“I doubt you could,” you said back while smiling up at him in the dim light as you stretched your legs out, accidentally kicking your zonked out friend who was sprawled out on the other end of the couch.

“Goodnite,” Klaus whispered, before he went out the door.

Swooping down, Five gently kissed you and kept on kissing you until you started to laugh over how obviously he didn’t want to go. “Best night of my life,” he chuckled, his own smile stretching as he finally pulled away. “I’ll be back sometime early afternoon. Can I see you again?”

Stroking your fingers along his jaw, you whispered back, “You better.”

Five’s tired eyes softened even more. He brushed his lips against yours one more time.

Then he was gone.

~~~

Back to reality, your mind lost in a past that doesn’t exist anymore while your body remains stuck in a present form of hell you can’t escape, lying there in your bed, you keep trying to work through your memories of Five.

For his part, like he always does at night, Five stays with you in the only way he feels that he can, over 60 years of time separating you as he sits in his chair in front of the Infinite Switchboard.

After thrashing around in your blankets, reliving things you don’t want to let go, giving into your body’s most primal urges, you shove your hand in your pants, digging your fingers against your clit, tugging and pulling and rubbing. Breathing heavily, your release comes and goes way too fast, giving you nothing to replace the man you refuse to let go.

Finally, worn out and mentally broken, your breathing slows, and your eyes close.

You fall into a fitful sleep, your face pinched with the same stress it’s had since you entered your apartment earlier that night.

A few minutes before this, with his reddened eyes darting around as he tries to squash his own anguish, trying in vain to convince himself that what he’s seeing isn’t because of him, Five throws his arms down on the messy desk space, burying his face in the fold of his arm.

You’re upset, that much he is willing to admit.

You have old news clippings of him and his faded collector cards, and other silly trinkets from the days the Umbrella Academy meant something to the world.

You only have his.

Going through the list of issues in his head, Five comes up with only more problems with all this.

All that is something, but it's not like you would be harboring some old crush on the nerdy little 13-year-old he was in those pictures, because back when those cards were cool, you were only four years old! Back then, you probably didn't even know your address, let alone who the kids who lived at the Umbrella Academy were. But despite that, you clearly have something going on and it’s clearly aimed at him.

You moan repeatedly as the blankets covering you shuffle.

“Fuck…” Five breathes as he looks up, realizing what you are doing.

What you have going on is clearly at least partially a horny thing, and an angry thing, and fuck, fuck, FUCK!

Five can’t stop looking at you writhing against your hand.

He shifts his legs apart, refusing to give his hardening cock the attention it's screaming for. It’s bad enough that he’s watching you jerk off, but doing that with you, like this…

No.

“God damn it!” he curses, kicking his legs out, throwing his hands back behind his head as he forces himself to look at the floor.

No one else remembers, so there is no way you do! 

This has to be something else causing this, right?

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he looks back up. Your breaths are slowing. Your hand slips up along your stomach, laying limply against your t-shirt.

Your eyes stay closed and Five wants so badly to kiss the lids covering them. Since he can’t, he does what he’s always done, he imagines the things he wants.

Shutting his own eyes, he imagines himself there with you, protectively folded around you, your bodies illuminated by the muted silhouettes from the leaves fluttering outside in the canopy of trees outside your window. 

He can almost feel himself kissing the moonbeam dancing across your cheek, flickering along the ridge of your nose-almost.

There’s no warmth to this dream, no sensation of your touch lovingly holding him back.

This is all there had ever been for Five for nearly a lifetime, but now, thanks to you, he knows what it’s like to have something real, and now he is drowning in the shocking reality of his endless loneliness.

Chilled, but unwilling to move to an office to throw himself down on something more comfortable, when his breathing melts into a rhythm of rest, Five floats away with you, going into a nightmarish dreamscape, a place moments before the world fell apart and he lost you.

~~~

As your sleep deepens, you start tossing and turning, your mind projecting images of you bursting out the doors of your apartment. You didn’t care how terrified you were or that you had no weapon to defend yourself against whatever was happening. You had to get to Five.

You took off, sprinting down the sidewalk in the direction of the explosions, rather than in the opposite direction like everyone else was doing.

The sky was casting a strange glow of orange and violet light over everything. It looked like an alien landscape, not the loud city with its shops and business filled with people doing normal things, unless you considered running for their life normal.

You knew it was crazy for you of all people to think you could do anything to help, but it was also crazy that the Five apparently had superpowers, but you'd seen it for yourself on your TV, and the people with him did too.

You kept on, moving along, seeing the destruction getting worse the closer you got to where the news had shown the fighting.

The air near the ground was thick with black smoke as you got closer, but you kept going, knowing from what you’d seen on the news that Five was there, but nothing could have prepared you for it when you rounded a corner and saw all of them. Like some kind of science fiction movie on crack, everywhere you looked, unexplainable things were happening that shouldn’t be.

It was madness, all of it, the way Five was disappearing and reappearing, the way they were shooting laser beams from their eyes and throwing cars like they were nothing. Klaus was there too, like some kind of oracle, casting his hands out, making phantom-like figures appear out of nowhere, all the luminous bodies he’d created readily joining the fight.

Either brave or stupid, you started to cross the battlefield of flipped cars that lay between you and them, staying down, trying not to get hit by the barrage of bullets and other things flying in your direction.  

Five was yelling, calling for everyone to get together. He wasn’t okay, you could see that. He was staggering, trying so hard to stand in the storm that was enveloping him.

He fell to his knees, screaming for them. 

Blood smeared across his face as his hand came up, wiping his cheek. 

The blood was gushing from his nose and seeping down his neck from his ears, but he kept screaming for them. The near blinding light kept growing, extending out from his hands and entire body.

Between broken car windows, you watched as the group gathered around him, two of them looking like they were sending out some kind of force field that was keeping them safe from the bullets and the fire-like aura that was glowing down from the sky.

Then, to your horror, you realized the fire was actually coming from some of them. Their flesh was cracked and blackened, like lava was running under their skin.

They were burning. 

Five was burning!

Your voice cut through the air, penetrating the chaos. “FIVE!”

Just then, extreme pain was the only way to describe what you felt. 

A deafening blast sent you flying, slamming your spine against the door of an upside-down car. Pain radiated through you. You reactively curled in on yourself. You desperately clasped your hands over your ears, trying to block out the high-pitched sound that was trying to stab your brains out, but you painfully realized that the ringing wasn’t something you could stop.

You could hardly move, gasping for air that wouldn’t fill your lungs, but then suddenly Five was next to you, eyes wide, searching you over, saying something, but all you could see was his lips moving as his hands frantically moved over you, trying to cover all the places where your clothes were becoming wet with blooming circles of red.

You watched Five’s mouth repeating the words, “I will fix this.” He was saying it over and over.

Then, just like that, stinging pelts of liquid hit your face as the side of Five’s skull ripped open.

You watched as if in slow motion as the inside of his head spilled out like a macabre brain soup. Then you watched in horror as he tumbled over, your shell-shocked body not working fast enough to catch him.

The side of Five’s ashen face slammed into the glass covered concrete.

Scrambling to your knees, you pulled him to you, his broken head rolling limply in your lap as you screamed. 

Your tears mixed with his blood. 

You didn’t even notice Klaus until he was right there. He came sprinting to a stop a few yards away, seeing you and his brother.

“Help him,” you begged. You refused to take your eyes from Five’s, then Klaus took off, shouting something.

“No, no, no! Please, no!” you wailed as Five remained motionless, legs twisted in a way that made him look so small.

Five was not small. He was strong and he was…

He was everything.

Suddenly a wind from nowhere started whipping up tiny bits of debris from all around you. Looking up, you saw the impossible. There was a ghostly image of Five out in the street next to his brother where they were standing in a blue-ish purple electrical storm filled with glistening marigold, fire and light.

You could see Five over there, but he was also still with you, his warm blood matting his dark strands of hair, coating your fingers as you cradled his head as if you could fix the damage done to him if you willed the hole in him closed, but his empty green eyes continued to stare off at nothing.

The torrents of energy that Five had been violently projecting before he’d appeared over by you grew stronger, making it near impossible to make out anything happening over by them, but you were able to see him out there, lightning filled hands clenched like claws as fire like sparkles swirled around him and the strange static and twinkling lights of power weren’t just coming from Five. It was coming from all of them, as if mixing.

Dazed, and evidently not stable, they all simultaneously fell to their knees, but Five didn’t this time.

His face was no longer spattered with his blood as he looked up, past his siblings as they fell to the ground as if they were puppets whose strings had just been cut.

As your eyes met, it was as if you were seeing Five for the first time ever, seeing all versions of him, and it wasn’t just happening to him, though the ghostlike projections of Five were dramatically different compared to those of his siblings. He was older in some of them, but you were sure it was him, with that funny mustache and his same soft eyes.

Five was that man, and then he wasn’t again, he was just a boy, so young, so angry, nothing but skin and bones, his tormented face covered in ash and grime. 

All of them, all the different versions of them were morphing, snapping together with alternate images of themselves, like a flip book that’s pages clapped with thunder as they turned.

Then, out of nowhere, out of anyone who could have been out there in all that madness, Reginald Hargreeves, the richest man in the world, was towering over you. His expression was serene as he looked down at the dead boy you were crying over. Then he looked up, his expression not scared at all as he said, “Hold on to him. It will all be over soon.”

Bleeding out and going into shock, you looked back out at the other Five. Even in the distance, you could see his mouth. 

His mouth! The one you knew intimately, pulled up just a little as he gave you a dreamy smile, as if he was seeing something in all this that you couldn’t.

You screamed Five’s name as the ball of fire inside him began to consume what was left of his crumbling body.

“No!” you cried, but this time Five couldn’t hear it.

The bubble around them burst, life and death, creation and destruction, you, Five, all of it and time itself, all tied to him and the tale of rebirth, and it was coming for you in a wall of fire.

Your own terrified scream echoing inside your head was the last thing you heard.

Then you were all gone.

~~~

“NO!” You cry out, trying to free yourself from your knotted blankets. You’re in the darkness of your bedroom again, no longer holding Five’s dead body while you watched the ghost of him in the distance, being taken away by an otherworldly fire.

Your heart feels like it could rip out of your chest, it's pounding so hard.

Your hands come up, digging at your eyes as if you can make it all go away, but the heat of your tears is as real as the pain of losing him. “Please no,” you helplessly whimper as you pull your legs up under your arms so you can drop your head between your knees. “I need you, Five,” you sob, your body shuddering.

“I am here, please don’t cry, I am so sorry.”

Your head shoots up, your eyebrows flying halfway up your face, the thumping in your chest threatening to do you in as you blink, over and over, seeing Five right there, at the side of your bed, looking like he just woke up, but looking as beautifully disheveled in his three-piece suit as he always does.

“Ff-Five?” your voice cracks.

“Hey, handsome,” he quietly breathes as he sinks down on the bed next to you, his legs dangling over the side as he reaches over, gently brushing a sweat-dampened piece of hair out of your eyes.

“You you-you-"

“I know,” Five says, pulling you to him.

Arms around him, he squeezes you tight. You breathe in, your face buried against his collar because you’re still not sure he’s real.

“I didn’t think it was possible, but-” He stops, pulling back enough to make you look at him. His eyes glaze over in thought as he lets out a shaky breath. “No one else but us remembered, and I didn’t-" His teary words catch in his throat. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I never should have-” A single tear rolls down his cheek. “I never should have let this happen, but nothing could have prepared me for you and how you made me feel, and I- Even if you remember me, I shouldn’t be here, but I heard you crying, and I had to-"

He tries to pull away.

“NO! Don’t you dare go!” You give Five’s shoulders a little shake, “Don’t you dare leave me again! And what the hell do you mean you heard me? Where were you, in my fucking closet!”

“No, I was pathetically hiding out in a musty old office building in 1955.”

“Okay- Okay-" Your heart is racing so hard you can’t think but that makes no sense. “What the fuck, Five!”

He lowers his face like he wants to disappear and that only makes you cling to him tighter.

“The place I am talking about, and my association with it is a long story,” he starts, “-and I promise I will tell you everything if you want me to, but the reason I was there now was because it’s the only place I could go to see you.” He looks up, his eyes filling. “There’s a machine I invented, it lets the operator dial in places and times. I have missed you so fucking much,” he rambles, clearly spiraling, but you refuse to let him go no matter how confused and mad you are.

“Look, the things you say are just- Yeah.” You let out a puff of air, shaking your head over all this craziness. “But I want you! I don’t care about the rest!"

“I’m not who you think I am. I have done so many horrible things,” he interrupts.

“Five, I know that you are so many more things than what I thought you were in the beginning, but I want all of them. I saw you! All of you! You had a mustache for Christ Sake! I know who you are!”

“You don’t know all of it,” he whispers.

“I don’t care! You saved us. I don’t understand it, but I know you did. You were the only one in the end before everything disappeared. I thought you were dead!”

“I know.”

“You told me that I’m the first person you wanted to open yourself up to,” you continue, “Did you mean it when you said that?”

His lower lip quivers as he nods. “I meant every word of it, and you are still all I want.”

“Then don’t leave me again!” you shout at him, pushing him down on your bed.

Five still looks totally lost but with your insistence, he surrenders himself to you heavily crawling on top of him.

Fully reclined, you throw your leg over his, coming down at his side to tuck your head under his chin, effectively detaining him but letting him breathe. You can hear his heart hammering in his chest as he looks down at you peering up at him. 

His eyes search yours he quietly asks, “Are you sure you still want this?”

“Yes, I am sure,” you insist.

His long fingers trace a line up your back, skating the surface of your shirt.

“Please talk to me, Five. I meant it when I said I want this with you more than anything.”

“Why?” he questions, sounding so dejected.

You sit up, straddling him so you can keep him trapped but also take him on, face to face. “Because even with all the crazy things you told me, knowing what I know now, I think you were telling me the truth about all of it, and you know what, I am not scared. I don’t care how old you are, or if you were an assassin. I don’t care what you’ve done to get here. All that matters is you are.”

“You mean that?” he whispers, reaching around you, his long fingers tracing a soothing line up your back.

You nod and his hand comes up, moving to the back of your head, pulling your lips to his in a chaste kiss that ends all too fast.

You try to kiss him again but Five turns his head, squirming away, not letting you.

Your eyebrows come together in frustration.

“You know… For all my mistakes, I finally thought I had it all figured out, but then this…” His voice trails off as his hands move around your backside, grabbing your ass. “This never should have happened. You weren’t supposed to remember, but you evidently do, or you wouldn’t be trying to hump my leg because you know that getting me hard is going to help you get your way.”

You look down where your crotch is pinning his quad, and he laughs.

You’re just about to tell the asshole you are not trying to hump his leg when he says, “The reason I think you remember,” He cracks a sad smile, making him look so beautifully broken, “The reason you remembered, is because I fell in love with you. A part of you was with me in the end and I couldn’t let it go. You’re a part of me now whether you like it or not.”

“You love me?”

“More than anything.”

In the subsequent silence, your shoulders wither, a single thought floating among the sea of worries in your mind.

You love him too.

You come at him, there’s no stopping you from kissing him. Like you are doing to him, Five’s hands grasp at your body, everywhere they can reach, caressing, groping, pinching, anything to feel each other. 

Jutting your cunt across his thigh, you assault his lips, drawing your teeth across his pout in retribution for him thinking you wouldn’t want this.

Stroking his neck, his hands holding you in place, he moans as you grind his leg. Adding to your pleasure, Five begins exploring your neck with his tongue, tasting your skin, licking the sweat of your nightmare clean off as you rut into him, panting and gasping, filling the quiet of the small room.

Boldly sticking your hand down your pants, rubbing your cock, you lower your voice as deep as you can as you ask, “Did you watch me do this?”

“Yes,” Five rasps, his hands moving down, suddenly taking you by the waist. Like lightning striking, the air around you lights up, every nerve ending in your body comes alive as you’re flung through a swirling storm of sapphire, coming back to the present a millisecond later with your back slamming on your mattress.

Head still spinning, Five falls over you from the air, his body still glowing in his whirl of magical light. His irises dance with embers as he dives in, kissing your neck again.

“What. The Fuck Was That? Did you just teleport me?” you deliriously groan as he attacks you.

"No, I blinked you," he corrects, "It's a spontaneous reaction to having a very naughty boy trying to fuck my lap,” Five informs you with his lips at your earlobe, before kissing down, gnawing on your jaw, as he attempts to blindly unbutton his shirt.

Oh, my God, this man...

Not satisfied with the speed, you begin to help him, and his smile at your impatience is almost as hot as the sight of him laying over you, shrugging it off. Five is nothing but lean valleys of muscle, all pointing to the dangerous weapon he’s packing in his pants, but interestingly enough, his famous Umbrella Academy tattoo on his wrist isn’t the only tattoo he’s got.

Seeing geometrically balanced circles and lines criss-crossing in the middle of his chest must have you making the funniest looking face because Five starts laughing.

“This,” He points to the black and gray washes of ink marking him. “This is evidence of one of my many blunders through time, but it’s worth the pain and looking like a fucking idiot if it means I get to see you looking at me like that.”

You trace the lines. “You are beautiful, Five, all of you.”

“As long as you think so, because I think I’m stuck with it now,. I am a complete package of the old me, the young me, and the tattooed and very fucking horny me,” he says before much more seriously asking, "You ok taking yours off too?"

You nod and Five dips low, using his nose, he starts nudging your t-shirt shirt up. He playfully sucks and nips you all the way up to one of the darkened pink scars under your pecs. Your breath hitches as he traces a line over it with his fingertip, then slowly begins to kiss you there too, his teeth grazing your nipple for good measure.

“So perfect,” he hums, sending a direct signal from you’re the now hardened nub all the way down to your groin. 

As you’re reeling over him saying that and the feeling of him flicking his tongue across your other pec, Five’s hands start moving up your sides, slowly lifting your shirt over your head.

Your legs tense, fighting against the growing ache between them as Five kisses down your torso, marking you where the skin dips at your hip, the palm of his hand hot as it rests over your abs, firmly holding you down.

Already trembling, you let out a small cry of desperation.

Gazing up at you with his pupils blown dark with desire, Five tears open the button holding your jeans closed. Lifting for him, he pushes your remaining clothes down your flushed thighs.

With you fully naked, your bodies roll slightly as Five comes down on the bed next to you. You spread your legs and just as fast, he reaches between them, rolling your clit between thumb and forefinger.

You gasp your approval, “Fuck yeah, don’t stop.”

“Fuck, you’re so hard for me,” Five groans, just below your ear, sending a shiver zipping up your spine as a gush of wet drips out of you. “I can’t get enough of your dick,” he says while playfully pecking your jaw.

“Same,” you gasp, your enlarged clit so sensitive, you can’t help but whine like a puppy when his hand starts to firmly rub it.

Your hand reactively grips his shoulder painfully hard the faster he goes, and his eyes narrow dangerously in response.

Knowing without words what you need, barely thirty seconds into it, two fingers start jabbing inside you, aiming at your sweet spot.

“Holy fuck,” you breath before Five can capture your mouth in a hard kiss again.

As your hips jerk into his hand, Five’s hand snakes down along your side to rub his own cock, all the while he never stops sucking at your neck or giving you needly little licks in between his kisses. Soon the nips get hard enough to make you throw your head back, thrashing.

With Five jerking himself, bucking against you, your hands grip at the sheets, hanging on for dear life as your walls start spasming.

Even though you’re flailing, moaning loud as your hips jerkily fuck into his fingers, you can hear that Five is humming all sorts of dirty things, the vibrations of his words against your throat sending your brain even further down the spiral of your fuckedy fuck land.

Having brought you over the edge, he pulls out. His hand on your thigh moves around you, gripping your ass to pull you in closer as he rolls on top of you.

Five licks at your lips before he slides his hands down to the back of your thighs to pick you up, grinding your crotch into his restrained shaft. “God, I want to fuck you so badly,’ he growls before crashing your lips together again.

Five’s powerful body bears down on you, the drag of his cock between your legs too much but also not enough. Encouraging him to keep up what he was doing, only with his pants off, you try to push his pants down, even as he’s still urgently rocking his hips into you.

“Fuck,” he groans, his teeth grazing your neck as he gasps for air. His hips twitch to a stop at the feeling of his cock about to spring free.

“I want all of you, Five,” you breathe, holding his cheeks under your palms as you pull his head up, making him look at you.

“Are you sure?”

“More than anything. I love you, Five.”

His soft eyes light up as if this wasn’t already obvious. He smiles down at you with an adoring look, caressing your face and pushing your hair aside as you blush under his loving gaze. He leans in to kiss along your jaw and down your neck as he scrambles to remove his pants with you helping him along, hooking your fingers under his tailored waistband, dragging them down his thighs, pushing them the rest of the way off with your feet.

“Oh Fuck,” Five groans as he lowers back down and his cock slips over the moist heat between your legs.

Instinctively, he starts to rut against you again. Before you can do more than hum a moan through your pinched lips, you feel the head of Five’s dick align with your throbbing hole. 

“Protection?” Five impatiently asks, coming to a full stop.

Drunk with desire, all you can do is shake your head no, but the message is clear. You don’t need it.

Tenderly squeezing your ass, with his eyes locked to yours and his voice barely above a whisper, Five asks, “You ready?”

“Yes,” you breathe, keeping your fingers threaded in his thick dark hair, holding him in place with one hand, the other sliding from his muscular back to gripe his shoulder.

He starts to push slowly. “Aw fuck” you moan as just the head of his cock slips in. You throw your head into the pillow, biting your lip to keep from crying out.

Five’s warm breath slowly fans over your neck. He’s not moving a single inch. “Does it hurt?”

“It- It’s good,” you huff, letting out a tense breath as you lift your hips higher, letting him know you can take it.

“That’s it, baby,” he soothes, as your body tightens and quivers along the thick length slowly filling you.

Not even full deep, your brain feels like it’s just flashed on and off and it’s not at all working right.

"You’re so fucking gorgeous," Five patiently huffs, his focus on gauging your every reaction, holding himself still as possible.

“More,” you whine.

You clench involuntarily, letting out a low moan when Five works his hips forward, then back a little, a pleasant change that has you twitching for him even more.

He dips to kiss you, gasping for breath as he opens you even more. Too much for him at once, he takes his kisses to your neck.

He takes a moment to pull half-out of you before digging back in. Firm, slow, and steady, he fucks his hips into you while he bears down with a hiss. Your walls clench him tight, the extra pressure drawing out a moan from both of you.

Your eyes flutter closed as your fingers scratch against Five back. His hips press up, aiming to get as deep as possible, where he stays for one moment before pulling out and thrusting halfway in again and again.

"Fuck, Five, fuck," you slur out as your body begins to slip and slide across your sheets.

He grabs hold of your knee, pushing it back to meet your shoulder, falling into you deeper on his next thrust and you let out wet gasp, before he starts fucking you at a maddening pace, in and out, in shallow thrusts.

As he looks between your bodies, watching with an adorable fascination as his cock disappears inside you, you cry out, “Faster.”

Five obliges.

He really starts moving and the feel of him pumping his whole length inside you has your body arching and writhing up from the bed, lips parted in broken moans that fill the room and your entire apartment and probably your entire floor.

“Yes, Five. Fuck yes! “Don’t stop-fucking-fff,” you stammer, moving your ass up slightly which drives him deeper and brings on more breathless curses from you both. He’s so deep each time his body meets yours he’s knocking the wind from your lungs in breathy consonants and vowels of nonsense.

“Mmmmffff- aaah-ahhh-"

“Fuck-you-rrr-such-ah-good-boy, so tight,” he incoherently gasps along with you, as he pistons his cock into you, his thick tip fucking your cunt just right.

You’re plunging into a freefall, the coiling inside you causing you to cry out his name. At the sound of it, Five’s mouth finds yours, sloppily kissing you.

You’re both breathing too heavily for the kiss to last very long because breathing through your noses isn’t giving either of you enough oxygen. Breaking away, his forehead presses to your shoulder, a curtain of his dark hair falling around it as his strong pelvic slams into you.

"Please- fuck- harder-" you plead, and your magical super boy grants your wish.

Your eyes roll back in your head as Five pounds you harder and faster. Head spinning, your heart feeling like it might burst, your entire body is screaming for release.

“Come on, cum for me,” Five growls before resting his palm over your clit, thrusting his hand in time to his hips.

Your brain is getting shook loose with each slam of his body smacking into yours, and your bed frame isn't doing much better as it creaks and thumps into the wall in a pattern that matches your curses.

"Fuck- Fuck- FUCK-"

You’re reduced to disjointed moans as you fall apart. Shaking head to toe through a mind-melting orgasm, the throbbing intensity as you cum hits you over and over until it completely overwhelms your senses and leaves you speechless.

“That’s right, cream on daddy’s cock,” Five encourages as he quickly flips his head back, his dampened hair falling right back in front of his eyes as he smirks.

“Five- Fu-ffff,” you wetly gasp.

“Ready for another one?” he asks, still undulating his cock as he quirks an eyebrow.

“Ww-wah? How are you doing this,” you ask, meaning how the fuck is he still fucking you! He said he’d been with someone else before, but… Fuck!

His smirk only gets bigger. “Lots of practice with a very receptive inanimate object, named Dolores,” he replies. “Now roll over. Don’t make me count to three,” he warns, before suddenly pulling out, leaving you reeling, his hands on your hips, rolling you over before he pulls your ass high in the air.

The heat of his cock hits your entrance with zero resistance and your body jumps forward when you feel his balls hit your ass.

That move gets you both hissing out strings of discombobulated profanities again as Five holds himself stock still, his eyes closing tight as if he’s in pain..

“Dolores?” you manage to choke.

“Desperate times,” he huffs in way of explanation, then just as the shocking statement he just made and the jolt of him bottoming out is starting to subside, Five smacks your ass, and he’s back to it, fucking into you with a relentless pace.

“Fu-ua-uch-yea-ah, so good,” he disjointedly praises as he rides your ass, hooking his feet inside your ankles so you can’t close your legs.

Your body tightens as his thrusts speed up. You shudder, mouth falling open with a shocked moan as you feel Five’s cock rutting against your insides, demanding every inch of your attention.

With your face down in your mattress, you gasp against moistened fabric. Your shaky fingers clutch at your fitted bedsheet, Five’s brutal pace making steady smack, smack, smack sounds.

You still have no idea how he’s doing it, but Five just keeps on going like his real superpower is that he’s the fucking Energizer Bunny.

Pulling your limp body up to his, Five’s face nuzzles against the back of your neck, hips rolling hard and fast, the sweat from your flush bodies only making it easier for him to fuck into like he’s a well-oiled machine.

“God, you’re magnificent. You feel so fucking good,” he breathes.

"Hnn-mm-unh, uh, uh, please, please-" you moan.

“I’m gonna cum inside you. And you’re gonna cum with me,” Five growls, bearing down on you harder.

You cry out, your next orgasm hitting you as Earth shattering at the first two. You’re shivering, open-mouthed and helpless as you start to feel his warmth spreading with each thrust, Five’s hips jerking slower and slower as he empties his throbbing cock.

He hisses, moaning out a melody of expletives as his hips stutter to a near halt. He just came hard, but that doesn’t stop him as he rolls you against the mattress, coming down next to you, his cock pumping into you a few more times until you’re both left panting and boneless.

He kisses the nape of your neck and tenderly brushes a sweaty strand of your hair from the side of your face. Five stays connected to you until your chests are both rising and falling much slower, then his softening length slips out on its own, a white ribbon of cum immediately spilling out of you, the feel and sight of it making Five let out the softest whimper of distress.

Not letting you go, he kisses your temple.

"That was amazing," he contentedly breathes.

You huff out a sigh in agreement, cheeks flushed, gaze half lidded.

"I didn’t hurt you?" he whispers, a hand coming up to brush over your jaw, so gently. The concern for your wellbeing is reflected in Five’s soft green eyes as he pulls himself up on a wobbly elbow to look at you better.

“Not at all," you mutter with a weak smile as you pull your blankets over, throwing them over both of you.

Five’s hair is sticking up in just about every direction and it’s only adding to the beauty of his dazed grin.

“I’m never leaving you again, that’s unless you make me,” Five murmurs as he lays back down, kissing your shoulder. 

“I can’t see that happening, unless you get all boring, getting up early, only to take afternoon naps on my couch before you finish your old man day with one of your exhilarating crossword puzzles rather than finding new ways you can pounce on me and spank my ass.”

He laughs. There’s an impish glint in his eyes, like the twinkles of distant starlight.

“Awww, sweetheart,” he mocks. “You make all my favorite hobbies sound like bad things” 

You lean into his touch, sighing in contempt before gently whispering, “Go to sleep and I’ll deal with you in the morning.”

Obediently shutting his droopy eyes, he whispers I love you. Then the prick sneakily pulls his hand back, then smacks you in the ass, making you yelp like a little girl.

Ass burning, your heart is full.

This is Five. The wonderful, amazing, sexy jerk you fell in love with.

Next to you, almost as soon as the quiet fills the space between you again, you can tell he’s drifting off to sleep.

Five is finally home.

You roll over just enough to watch him sleeping. 

He looks so peaceful. Like a very naughty angel. The best kind.

You kiss his forehead, and he pulls you back in, making you his little spoon.

Laying there, still trying to take in everything that just happened, you think about all the times Five made jokes about his traumatic life and his loneliness. You caught stolen glimpses of his pain in his sweet but sad smiles, shaking his head, eyelids fluttering closed as he determinedly set his jaw, acting like his memories didn’t hurt him.

Five tried to build a wall around his heart, the barriers entrenched by years of grief, but it all came crashing down at the world’s end. 

Now it’s time for happiness. 

~~~~~~~

Masterpost

Link to my other Tumblr story/art/and asks

Link to visit me direct on A03tua

[acidburnsthings]

FEAR FOR NOBODY//FA14\\ part two

pairing: fernando alonso x soldier/military!reader

description: When the Circuit of the Americas joined the list of races for the 2012 season, no one expected it to be such a monumental day for a certain Spaniard...

faceclaim: Olivia Cooke; various pinterest girls

2021 user y/username has gone public

y/username

liked by fernandoalo_official, y/bro/user and 5,467 others

y/username back in austin <3

y/bro/user aaaahhh, i can't wait for you guys to come to huston, i miss the three of you so muuch

y/username since when are you this whiny?? y/bro/user omg, you're sooo annoying

view other comments

fernandoalo_official

liked by kimimatiasraikonen, y/username and 978,451 others

fernandoalo_official feels good to be back

lewishamilton welcome back, mate!

sebastianvettel welcome back to the grid, nando!

view other comments

y/username

liked by fernandoalo_official, y/bro/user and 15,467 others

y/username No.4 <3

y/bro/user congrats idiots, tell little theo i miss him!!

y/bff/username congrats!! can't wait to third wheel again!!

y/username gurl, you have your own husband y/bff/username yeaaah, but i preffer third-wheeling my parents (jk baby i love ya)

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2022

y/username

liked by fernandoalo_official, y/bro/user and 16,512 others

y/username the boys like it when they go vroom (but it seems theo preferred running around)

y/bro/user little man had more fun than you, it seems

user1 honestly, her life seems to be so much fun

user2 how fun can it be when you're a part of the military??? user1 well, i'm just going off of her insta

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y/username

liked by fernandoalo_official, y/bff/username and 17,512 others

y/username tbt -> our prep for the 2012 USA Grand Prix can't belive it's been 10 years

officer_friend1 girlie I remember the way you looked at that one driver, can't remember his name tho

officer_friend2 👀 officer_friend3 👀 y/bff/username 👀 y/username ya'll... nvm

y/bff/username still remember my moms excitement when she saw you, she almost cried

view other comments

2023

y/username

liked by fernandoalo_official, y/bro/user and 17,512 others

y/username green has always been my color 💚

y/bro/user rb is better

y/bff/username agreed y/username both of you are wrong, aston martin is the best

user3 uhmmm, why is this random lady popping up on my feed??

user4 omg same, but hey, she's an aston martin fan so she's welcome to stay on my feed user5 not only a fan, but it seems nando is liking her post

user6 that second pic is sooo cute

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y/username

liked by fernandoalo_official, y/bro/user and 19,572 others

y/username on break and he still drives like there is no speed limit, but he bought me coffee and cake so i forgive him for the heart attack <3

y/bff/username a BMW? disgraceful... tsk tsk

y/username its your car.... y/bff/username shhhhh...

user7 why is she on my feed and why is nando in the likes???

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2024

y/username

liked by fernandoalo_official, y/bro/user and 190,572 others

y/username i am apparently married to a war criminal???

fernandoalo_official te amo mi hermosa reina <3

y/username i love you too, criminal <3 fernandoalo_official please don't, love y/username ok, i won't <3

user8 MARRIED??!! YOU'RE HIS WIFE??!! i think i might pass out

user9 this was honestly so unexpected, tf is happening??

user10 is everybody just ignoring the FACT THAT THEY HAVE A KID TOGETHER???

user11 i was just about to say, but honestly, they're cute together, the three of them

astonmartinf1 thank you for providing new pictures of fernando, one of them WILL be our new contact photo, also welcome!

y/username you're very welcome, will provide more if needed astonmartinf1 i'll DM you a number for you to send them to us fernandoalo_official NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!

user12 not y/n and aston martin admin teaming up to embarrass nando LOL

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fernandoalo_official

liked by kimimatiasraikonen, y/username and 972,751 others

fernandoalo_official my piece of heaven, te amo hermosa <3

y/username i love you too <3

fernandoalo_official <3

user13 the DOG, ITS SO GOOFY I LOOOVE IT!!

user14 i like how all the pics of her are candids of her just drinking

user15 what can we say, a girl likes her drinks y/username i second that user15 OMG YOU ANSWERED??!!

user16 imma start calling her mother now

user17 me too user18 me three astonmartinf1 me four user16 admin is wildin' out here astonmartinf1 i'm being honest and real out here user17 based fr

lance_stroll can't wait to meet her!!

fernandoalo_official next race, kid!

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TAGS

@yllomhej @walldemons @shelbyteller

if anybody else wants to be tagged, send me a DM or an ask!

I have also made a Google form to fill out if you want to be added!

[babydollmarauders]

MEDIA MANAGEMENT: BIRTHDAY EDITION — JACK HUGHES

part of the off-season editions!

notes: i know i’m not even caught up on the games yet! i am SO sorry! i’m gonna try posting a couple tomorrow! the hardest part has been finding the time to rewatch the games and take screenshots but i’m gonna try and do a few games tonight so that i can write tomorrow!

another note: i fried by brain with all the writing i’ve done today, so this isn’t nearly as fun and chaotic as i had hoped it would be when i first decided to write it :(

y/ndevils00

liked by jackhughes, nicohischier, and 144,952 others

y/ndevils00 HAPPY TAYLOR SWIFT BIRTHDAY TO THE SEXIEST MOTHERFUCKER TO EVER HAVE LIVED!!

my shoe matching, bags holding, 99 point scoring, hair cut needing, tooth losing, sebastian aho fighting, personal carrier! this kind, wise (but not smart), funny, handsome boy is 22 today!

jacky, you make me the happiest girl in the world every day, so i hope i can return the favor for at least this one specific day. thank you for being my best friend and the best cat dad! i’m so glad we had each other to lean on in our first year with the devils, and i’m so happy that you decided you liked me enough to keep me around.

we’ve had ups and downs, i’ve comforted you through losses, celebrated with you for wins, but i remain true to the fact that MY biggest win has been landing you.

i love you to pluto and wish you only the best in life, bubs. happy birthday <3

p.s. i hope you’re not already sick of hearing 22 (tv), cause it’ll be on all day! even during sexy times!

tagged jackhughes

jackhughes thank you sweet girl ❤️ i love you to pluto! i’m so grateful for you.

jackhughes however, i am gonna need you to stop calling getting ready for bed, “sexy times” and putting it on the internet where my mother can see it. she’s gonna think you’re talking about something else

y/ndevils00 your mother loves me, i can do whatever i want

elblue6 i love her and she can do whatever she wants!

jackhughes it’s my birthday and i’m feeling really attacked

trevorzegras you brought this on yourself dude

john.marino97 i thought i was the sexiest motherfucker to have ever lived?!

y/ndevils00 shhh jojo! i promise you are every other day of the year!

dawson1417 now hold on- you told me i was the sexiest motherfucker to have ever lived!

nicohischier she told me the same thing!

john.marino97 @/y/ndevils00 do you have anything to say for yourself?!

y/ndevils00 i fear i have been caught… 🏃‍♀️

john.marino97 happy birthday hughesy!

jackhughes thanks maraschino cherry!

john.marino97 not you too!

dawson1417 happy 22, man! been a pleasure playing with you! thanks for sharing your time with y/n with us!

jackhughes thanks man! you too! although i’ve had no choice in that last thing. i’d like my gf back!

dawson1417 i can’t do that.

nicohischier happy birthday jack! i’ve loved having you as alternate captain! can’t wait for next season!

jackhughes thank you cap! can’t wait to go even farther next season!

lhughes_06 happy birthday to the best middle hughes brother!

jackhughes i’m the only middle hughes brother? but thanks?

lhughes_06 yeah!

elblue6 happy 22nd birthday to my middle baby! i love you honey!

jackhughes thanks mom, i love you too! and happy mother’s day!

_quinnhughes happy bday little bro! hope you have a great day!

jackhughes thanks bro!

subbanator happy birthday lil jizzy! see you tonight, man!

jackhughes thanks man! we’re gonna have great night, eh?

y/ndevils00 what is this i hear of going out tonight? why do i find out you’re abandoning me, ON MY OWN POST?

subbanator @/y/ndevils00 sorry female jizzy! gotta take the man out!

y/ndevils00 did i just get called “female jizzy”? jackson, get this man off my post. i’m mad at you both @/jackhughes

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 yes ma’am

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes ….

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 still no.

dougieham happy birthday to y/n’s other half! i think i’ve met you once or twice

jackhughes thanks dougs!

trevorzegras HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUGHESY! 22! LET’S PARTY TONIGHT!

y/ndevils00 YOU’RE going too?! what is this, not invite y/n night?!

trevorzegras it’s not that you weren’t invited, it’s just…

y/ndevils00 it’s just what?!

trevorzegras i got nothing. sorry, i thought i would come up with something

jackhughes thanks z!

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 you ARE invited babe. i told you about it last night!

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes oh- it was 1am and you kept saying “tomorrow” so i thought you were talking about plans for tomorrow night

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 WHO talks about plans at 1am and refers to it as “today”?!

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes me 🧍‍♀️ so watch your tone toothless

lhughes_06 @/jackhughes HA! SHE GOT YOU!

[kaythefloppa]

Wild Kratts - Our Blue and Green World: Part 1: Review [Spoilers]

Welp, here it is, the Wild Kratts TV movie (not to be confused with the feature film they've been teasing us with since 2021). There's been a lot of hype around this special and season, especially with how much the latter was being hyped up during the hiatus. Let's see if the blue and green bros were able to deliver: Spoilers under the cut

Well, this is certainly an attention grabber!

This entire live action intro is shot and edited like an animated Wild Kratts episode, it's glorious.

Woah, intro change!

They said the thing! They said the thing!

HELP THIS IS SO RELATABLE. Also, THE BOYS ARE FIGHTING

Lmao I don't think they do it very often, but using animals/nature in their insults is very creative.

Also, whooping crane episode when?

This entire song is mercifully short. Like most character sung songs in Wild Kratts, it's not good, but this at least is clever in its lyrics and its visuals. It feels like a Disney reference at best and I am content with that. I also ADORED seeing the Draco and Walrus Suit return again. It's arguably the best musical number in the series. No, that is not saying a lot.

MARTIN WHY ARE YOU THE ONE WHO'S MIFFED YOU NEARLY MUFASA'D YOUR LITTLE BROTHER

CHRIS WHY ARE YOU MILDLY INCONVENIENCED YOU GOT ACRAPHOBIA FALLING FROM THAT HEIGHT

When I first saw the clip, I thought that they were going somewhere with this, like they'd activate Peacock Powers at the end when they recognized the compatibility and blue and green. But nope. Wasted potential is an understatement.

Also, where the fuck are they right now? In a previous shot there was Target the Chameleon, implying that they've been to Madagascar, but that is an Indian peafowl, and as far as I'm concerned, they don't live in Madagascar. Were they just having an off-day? These animals have little to nothing to do with the plot when they really shouldn't have, so I don't see why they couldn't have just shown a projector image or something.

Remember when I joked about the Wild Pony Power Suit returning in S7.... fuck you Apollo.

Man, they are eating it up with the animation here. It's hard to tell with screengrabs but man, is it fluid.

The first half of this episode is mixed. While it feels like the brothers are incredibly stubborn, it also does make sense for them to be this fixated on their favorites. So I can totally buy this. It could've been insufferable to watch, but it wasn't.

As if YOU haven't spied on them since the first time your dorito-headed ass showed up on screen

Did you find that funny? Because not only do they do a similar joke like that later on, but they follow through on that joke in the most unexpected way you will shit your pants when you first ingest it.

Oh my god if they make a Creature Power Suit off of that bird, I will take back any diss I've made, that is so beautiful.

Good to know that Aviva put the button near the chest and not near the back.

Maybe it's just me but this is kinda pushing it. Chris is literally getting his organs crushed, I think that should matter more than A) being right or B) trying to get 2 people to stop fighting.

I'm loving the callback and what this leads up to but ew, all this does is remind me about how ugly bright the color pallatte in S6. Really glad they fixed it in S7.

HELL FUCKING YES

This episode finds really unique ways of showing how the two different biomes are interconnected. It's like Rainforest Stew's (very brilliantly handled) message only to a larger degree. Kids can learn a lot from this.

I fucking love this episode, man.

Honestly, the way they write Paisley in the first half of the episode is very in-line with her character. Most shows that do what this episode does has them be out-of-character as a set-up, but here, she's just roasting the fuck out of Zach. Once again, recontextualized entirely in the climax.

HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET TO MADAGASCAR FROM THE GODDAMN AMAZON IN ONE AFTERNOON THAT IS LIKE MORE THAN 1,000 MILES AWAY?? ARE ANACONDAS THAT FAST?????

Also, INDRIS!!!!! :D

I was frankly expecting this to horribly backfire but spoilers, it doesn't. This actually winds up working. Common Aviva W.

To be continued.... will the blue and green rivalry end? Will one prove superior over another? And will they be able to stop Zach and Paisley and save the planet earth? And will this change the adventures of the Wild Kratts team forever? Stay tuned for part 2!

Pros:

The live action segments.

The animation of the earth's model.

The musical number not being ass.

Paisely's catty behavior.

The Anaconda Suit.

The inventive ways they show how the stability of the Earth is complex. There are a lot of ways it functions and thus a lot of ways it needs to survive

The comedy.

Cons:

The villains do not do anything until the second half of this episode. In fact, they're left completely in the backdrop. I expected them to make their prescence known and for Aviva to invent the discs to get them together for the SAKE of fighting the villains. But no. It makes the stakes feel hollow, which is the opposite of what they should be gunning for in an hour long special that they hype the shit out of.

CONCLUSION:

It was an "okay" set-up. It did live up to some of the hype it had, but not all of it. Honestly if it wasn't for the second half of this episode, this movie would be mediocre or slightly above average, but no. They do pick themselves off the ground and... they do jump the shark. But we'll get to that next time

[valar-did-me-wrong]

Rings of Power S2|E4 reactions

💍

Artanis alert!!

Them bickering shouldn't matter this much to me ಥ _ ಥ

The LOTR Jogging Routine™

Hi personification of our hopes & dreams for Celeborn in S2 :3

boy did you break some hearts!

The absolute beauty of Robert Aramayo in curls ❤️‍🔥

Angy Elrond is a VERY sexy Elrond ngl

Sauron hearing his Engagement Ring being called a "Trinket"

So that's the infamous goat!

TOM BOMBADIL has freaking arrived!!!

may the dude bros die mad 🙏🏽

fuck that must hurt!

awwwwwww....

Hobbit Love!

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Nobody knows how to count ¬‿¬

Fucking GANDALF!!

GRAND-ELF FUCKFUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK

Clean Girl Esthetic Middle Earth edition

Manwë unable to do anything about the Varda slander:

They need stronger soaps in Rhûn, that man is still dirty af

Avengers Assemble

etc etc

Elrond saving Galadriel's ass like

Internal plumbing in MiddleEarth?! I need to edit my fics now

That was brutal Arondir!

They weren't kidding about the mud in those interviews I see (• _ •)

nor about the creatures | ◉ ͟ʖ ◉ |

He is so ready to be a dad goddammit!!

This Hobbit origin story is legit the best part of this show

I literally feel nothing about this loss

Beardless Halbrand!?!!

preposterous

Isildur building his anti Casting out habit, one day at a time!

Thranduil's elves always being ✨Perfection ✨ is exactly what Tolkien would have wanted!

I'm crying & so are you! 😭

Ent wife my beloved 💚

That heartbreak would have been my villian origin story too!

Elrond having no chill this season is one sad coming of age story ˙◠˙

Cue the name changes from

Adar to Maglor ❤️‍🔥

like Southlands to Mordor in S1

S2|E1 S2|E2 S2|E3

[canolaaoil]

To all my best friends, only twelve leagues and one text message away

1. Dearly Departed, Brockhampton. // 2. The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion. // 3. unsent project. // 4. I am in Eskew. // 5. His dark materials. // 6. Where did you go? Hishaam Siddiqui. // 7. parts in motion, Vera Much. // 8. Your Name Engraved, Herein. 9. Hmu, spacegirl GEMMY.

Description follows

[ID: song lyrics reading, "What's the point of havin' a best friend if you / end up losin' him?" end ID]

[[ID: a photograph in the style of an early digital camera of two teenage girls cuddling under blankets on a couch watching something on a computer. end ID]

[ID: a poem reading, "Life changes fast. / Life changes in the instant. / You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends. end ID]

[ID: a fuzzy photograph in the style of an early digital camera of three people huddled around a fridge. All of the people have brown hair, glowing golden from the lighting and only one of their faces is turned toward the camera. end ID]

[ID: a text entry on a pink background reading, "To: Harry I / i've written 43 / poems about you. / come back and i / won't have to write anymore. / -asle" end ID]

[ID: a photograph in the style of an early digital camera of a couple in a photobooth with only their feet and legs visible behind the curtain. one is sitting on the other's lap. ]

[ID: text reading, "The problem is, my love, is that I can't sustain the fact of your death. / I can convince myself that it's true, force myself to picture your rotting, ruined face dumped in a mass grave somewhere out in the world... / ...and then my phone buzzes and I'm still expecting an unexpected message from you, telling me what corner of the globe you've holed up in, the foods you're eating, the card-players you're outwitting." end ID]

[ID: a photograph of two people in an aquarium, shot from behind. they stand in front of a large window showing a tank of water and seaweed. the two pose as if dancing grandiosely with no one else around. end ID]

[ID: a paragraph reading, "And it was comforting to think she and Will had another thing in common. She wondered if there would ever come an hour in her life when she didn't think of him- didn't speak to him in her head, didn't relive every moment they'd been together, didn't long for his voice and his hands and his love. She had never dreamed of what it would feel like to love someone so much; of all the things that astonished her in her adventures, that was what astonished her the most. She thought the tenderness it left in her heart was like a bruise that would never go away, but she would cherish it forever." end ID]

[ID: a photograph from behind of a group of people walking together down a city street. two of the people have their arms around each other shoulders. another two link arms. the image is slightly blurry. end ID]

[ID: a couplet reading, "One day I woke up and we no longer spoke the / same language. I haven't heard from you since." end ID]

[ID: a photograph of two people, focused on one in the foreground. A young woman looks lovingly towards something out of frame, her face resting on the meat of her hand. In the background a man looks away towards another subject. The lighting is dreamy and yellow. end ID]

[ID: lyrics reading, "Show me it all / Tell me what's wrong / You got your hard drive stolen / Your phone's been broken / Play me a song off of mine / Show me it all / Show me a rise / Show me a fall / Pay me no mind / Paint me in gold / I don't mean to pry, but give me a call" end ID]

[ID: a gif from the movie 'Your Name Engraved Herein' of Birdy and A-han riding a motorbike through the streets at night. Both smile widely as they breeze along, Birdy sitting behind A-han with his shirt off over his head, yelling happily. End ID]

[ID: lyrics reading, "They say everything has reason / Life fluctuates like seasons / And maybe someday soon we'll both find our reason / But bitch you're still the bro / Never letting go / Of the friendship bracelets we made when we were twelve // I'll be waiting by my phone / For you to hit me up / For you to hit me up / Hit me hit me up" end ID]

[ID: a photograph of a plaque on an outside wall reading, "LIFE HAPPENS BUT I STILL CARE FOR YOU. I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL." end ID]

[ruddyhotelau]

helloo was gonna ask about vox's power and purpose. i wonder what's on your mind since vox's best power was to control a large community in origin. how bro gonna protect the hotel by watching around? (just remembered he owns val and vel's souls so hb style? lol) does he even have the overlord bff to help fighting eve? or will he?

being mysterious and wanting to see people suffer doesn't sound like him. (and al as vox is actually scary like is he still a sadistic? hell cant handle all of that.) in one sentence, wanted to hear your plans about ugly ass tv man

Ok because Alastor and Vox swap role in this AU and HH never show us both of thei real purposes so we will have to be honest here, we didn't have a plan for what he wants now. Yes, he is under a contract like Al. Yes, he wants to break free but I think what Vox wants will be more than that because in the end, he is still a real greedy piece of shit.

Hard for us to explain everything when in SS1, we don't get to know much about both him and Al but only their surface personalities. But we want to build a deeper personality for Vox than just being a cringy villain that simply wants more power. He is 50s and has already been in Hell for more than 100 years, we want him to be a bit more mature and knows what he wants, but not even the other Vees know about his plan. Like when he's in front of everyone in the hotel, he shows his business side, combining with some of his real personality, showing Emily that he "cares" and wants to help.

But in reality, Vel and Val can predict that Vox has smt big planned in his mind because if Vox really wanted to help, he would have helped the hotel become famous but instead he keeps the hotel's reputation low and did shitty commercials...

Well, for Vox, he didn't act mysterious but I think the interesting thing about him is that he still shows the hotel more of his true personality. People will still hear him screaming "FUCK YOU ALASTOR!!!" in his tower and start asking "This is like the fifth time this week.", seeing him tired when he has to worked too much, knowing about his little duet with Alastor causing Lute to ask Emily again, "You sure this is the guy who can help us with the hotel?"...

Basically, he didn't act like Alastor and show that he has it all and that he's perfect or something like that. People in the hotel know about his loser side, plus he joins in more of the hotel's activities than Al in the original series even if he doesn't want to. This makes people let their guard down and rarely ask about his real motivation through time. For Alastor, people can tell he is hiding something because he act mysterious, he is evil and can't be trusted but with Vox, the more the season went on, the more they questioned is this the real him or not? He may not care about seeing people suffer or not but we think he sure wants more than just power. This is the Vox we want to build, we guess so?

About his power, yes he can still hypnotizes people and use that on the intruders so they kill each other and themselves, he can even upgrade the hotel so when intruders come, a hologram shield will turn on and weapons can come out anywhere and kill them all.

He didn't have any bff, and only 2 can be considered as his besties. He fooled them and took control of their souls. His relationship with other overlords either on neutral terms or on bad terms. Still, he can still find an army just not the cannibals like in the main series from asking help from another overlord, the one that we think will likely to have had some business deal here and there with him in the past, likely to buy and care about his products - Zeezi.

I guess that's all that we have in our head for Vox for now. We may change some or add more for him in the future. But I guess we're also excited to imagine his interaction with the hotel members.

[multifandombullshitbabes]

Random Merlin Rewatch: Where a random number generator gives me a season and an episode from BBC Merlin; and then I comment on it as I go.

Today's episode: Season 4 Episode 7 - The Secret Sharer

Before I start, let me just say and I have done my uni exam and that's why I haven't been posting these even though I really wanted to. Not joking, I had to let my fingers rest 'cause I wrote all my notes and shit. It was a lot. Anyways, let's fucking do this.

LET'S GO INTRO!!!! YOUNG MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOH

EWWWWW WHY IS AGRAVAINE TOUCHING MORGANA LIKE THAT I'M GONNA PUKE BRO

Damn, Morgana's eyes are so GREEN, that makeup really does it for her. Kinda funny she's wearing it to bed though. Girl.

GOOD LORD MAMA, HELLO

Agravaine needs to chill the fuck out. Every time he's on screen he gives me the ick. Ugh. Also Morgana looked so damn paranoid talking about Emrys. "He knows everything. All our plans, all our secrets." Girl.... RIP Morgana you would've loved therapy (or not).

Ohhh... interesting Morgana's reaction to Agravaine's accusation of Gaius, saying that he's the ones working with Emrys. She almost looks... hurt? Like. She really doesn't want to face the reality that Gaius exists, in the sense that she's just so hurt by everything these people that "loved" her have done. She just feels so betrayed by everyone, so hurt, so ANGRY. It's so tragic.

Oh my GOD. I NEED PEOPLE TO STOP MANIPULATING MORGANA!!! I'M SICK OF IT!!!! The way she hesitates!!! When she knows that it means that they're going to use Gaius or maybe even kill him!!! The way that she moves away from Agravaine, processing this, the way he INTERRUPTS THIS and insists, again, that it has to be Gaius, they have to do something. And for a second she almost looks so fucking scared, like!!

LOOK AT HER!!! ANOTHER PERSON THAT'S BETRAYED HER!!! SHE'S SO HURT AND SCARED!!! OH GOD HER AND ARTHUR ARE SO SIMILAR.

She even blinks her eyes after that line from Agravaine, like blinking away tears, her eyes are so shiny bro, I'm gonna cry :((. And after blinking she turns all smirky and "evil" and shit. Jesus Christ. I could write a whole thesis about Morgana and her character progression holy shit.

LET'S GO MUSICCCCCCC

AHHHHHH the iconic breakfast in bed scene!!! Yay!!!

I don't blame Arthur for spitting that out, shit looked dry as FUCK. Also there's a bunch of crumbs on the bed, Merlin, YOU'LL have to clean that up!!! Don't give yourself more work!!

"I don't know anything about Polishing." We really need more appreciation about how Bradley delivers his lines, this one is just too funny, only hearing it, bro. Also. Merlin writes Arthur's speeches. One of the best pieces of canon in my opinion. It's just so comical, for some reason. And they must be good too, 'cause no one's questioning them. It's just such a subtle way to show that Merlin IS smart. Sometimes. A little bit.

Merlin, babe, you cannot be serious. You writing the new bible or something, what the fuck is this.

"You don't have hours." Most threatening and terrifying Merlin's ever sounded. Arthur's better than me, I would've have an anxiety attack so bad it'd send me straight to hell.

THIS INTRO IS EVERYTHING!!! WHY ARE THEY SAYING THINGS SO PERFECTLY SILLY!! I LOVE IT!!! Also, damn, Arthur's BUSY. I guess we do forget that kings had to, y'know. Do basically everything, like be a judge sometimes. Hello??

Ah yes, what I've been waiting for: the wrestling Arthur out of the bed scene. Love it. No notes, really.

"You're doing very well, Arthur." WHAT IF I CRY???

"I don't think so."???? ARTHUR WHAT IF I SMACK SOME SENSE INTO YOU, SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE DOING PRETTY GREAT IN MY OPINION, LISTEN TO YOUR MANSERVANT FOR ONCE.

A tiny bit of appreciation for Arthur's chest hair.

Thank you.

Love that Agravaine just. Ignores that it's Merlin writing Arthur's shit. He must have gotten such a shock right at the start and now nothing's surprising anymore.

The fact that Morgana, all in black, has a white horse is so fucking cool to me. Work that shit, queen.

OK GORGEOUS?????

Hate the way Agravaine speaks. Shut the FUCK UP.

Arthur. Arthur, honey. Yeah, you've got to stop being so easy to manipulate. I know it's hard, but your uncle is so fucking obvious doing it, please, please, just. Please. Holy shit.

Morgana's dress (cloak?? hood?? idk) is so pretty.

Morgana being the last of her kind, High Priestess of the Triple Goddess. Merlin being the last Dragonlord. Something something...

Also. Some obvious orientalism is this episode. Kinda icky, but unsurprising giving it's BBC and also like. 2011 or whatever. But still. Ugh.

Welp. Welp, welp. Can't really say much about that, can I??

I can't remember, but I'm assuming that bracelet she gives to the Catha is from Morgause, simply by the look of pain in her face when it's out of her grasp. Literally, when will my wife's suffering end?

I wonder just how many different kinds of magic beings and users there are in JUST the five kingdoms. What about the rest of the world?? Like. that's just so cool!! I love world building, maybe one day I'll waste away some days just building up lore and lore, probably some made up, but mostly from all cultures and countries. That would be cool as fuck actually.

Agravaine's smile is so FAKE, FUCK OFFFFFFF

Ew, why does he just touch everybody. Weird uncle vibes, for sure.

Oh, I just don't like how Arthur's so quiet. I bet Agravaine's just gotten in his head so bad. He already looks ready to cry, like Gaius has already betrayed him. He's so used to that, what's one more?

Jesus, this hurts to watch. The fact that Gaius knows exactly what's happening, and he's trying to be as truthful as he can but Agravaine's just. making it all worse and horrible. This is so bad.

Ok, Gaius, I know you're better at lying than this. Fucking damnit.

EW. Agravaine's little smirk?? What the fuck is wrong with him? Jesus, I feel so sick watching this, knowing that he's just basically sentenced Gaius as a liar!! Fuck!!!

Well, at least Arthur noticed that Agravaine was being a fucking bitch. Not all is lost.

"... we might find some (proof)." Oh, ok, so you're just admitting that you're going to fabricated evidence against Gaius? Oh ok.

JESUS THESE MAN'S TITTIES ARE JIGGLING GOOD LORD

OH MY GOD, NOT THE PECS FLEXING??? I'm assuming normally you don't see that when you're on a horse adjusting yourself 'cause you got clothes on but this guy DOESN'T and you can SEE EVERYTHING.

The way that Merlin opens the door is so funny. He is NOT amused to be called upon by Agravaine. Mood.

Why is Agravaine's smile literally so disgusting, I cannot.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WHY DOES HE SMILE SO MUCH???? VERY MUCH WEIRD UNCLE VIBES. VERY MUCH "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, YOUR UNCLE'S COMING." VIBES. EW. EW EW EWWWW

Love seeing Agravaine getting humbled, thank you big titty man.

Really? Really??? A book boldly proclaiming that it's about magic and sorcery, kinda hidden by one (1) sheet of paper as your proof? Really??? Are you for real right now?? Fuck off.

It is actually so upsetting seeing Agravaine in Merlin and Gaius's space. Like that's not for you, disgusting bitch.

Not Merlin finishing polishing the dagger and setting it on Arthur's nightstand JUST as the warning bells start to sound. Lol. Lmao even.

OH MY GOD THEY'RE DESTROYING GAIUS' SHIT??? WHAT THE FUCK

No no no. I hate this. The fact that Merlin now get's why Agravaine made him polish that dagger. He's fucking blaming himself right away, oh I can't do this.

Merlin literally looks like a baby in this shot, holy shit. My baby :(((.

Agravaine's acting (not the actor's, is the actor acting the character acting!! which is so fucking cool) is so fucking annoying. It's so obvious, dammit, Arthur, you're a king, how can you not see it!!! I know he's family, but you barely know him!!! I know he's from your mother's side and you want THAT side to be good unlike your father's side that's brought you so much pain, I know, but come ON!!!

Oh, Merlin's so mad, not at Arthur, at Agravaine and himself, but he's so hurt, so scared, so pained that it comes across as quietly, restrained angry, and it's fucking heart breaking.

Oh god. This is one of their most painful fights in my opinion. I think they get so fucking heart breaking when it's Merlin just. trying to show his side, trying to get Arthur to understand but Arthur just cannot because he's been given a certain information that WOULD make his actions sensible, but WE know they're lies!!! We do, Merlin does, but he can't just say that 'cause it might reveal HIS lie, and it's just UGH!!!!!!!!!! FUCK

MERLIN IS FUCKING TEARING UP I CAN'T. "He would not leave without saying goodbye to me." I AM GOING TO PUKE.

The way Merlin turns away when he's close to crying, ohhhhh. Oh BBC Merlin writers when I catch you. Colin Morgan when I catch you.

"I don't wanna lose another friend." I think these are the moments that really make me wanna chortle Arthur. I truly feel like he cannot understand the depth of the power that he has compared to Merlin. 'Cause what does that threat mean? Just them stop being friends but Merlin's still employed? Arthur sacking Merlin? Arthur treating Merlin how he's treating Gaius right now? Because, truthfully, with the power that Arthur has, any of these options is viable. I think this is what scares me, Arthur just cannot comprehend that he just cannot threaten his friends, his loved ones, like this just because he's king now. He simply cannot. The weight of it is different. Even if he would never hurt them, it doesn't matter, he has the POWER to. That's what's so scary. And then he wonders why Merlin doesn't tell him things. How can he?

The way things just. Change between the early seasons and now. The way Gaius talks to Morgana, knowing she wants to kill him, when he saw her grow up. I'm gonna be so fucking sick, y'all, what the fuck.

Does she braid some of her hair with leaves?? Or a green ribbon? What is that in her hair??

Not gonna lie, Morgana is so hot in this scene. Jesus. Love that voice, and that's all I'm gonna say.

HE LOOKS SO BABY!!!!!!!!!!1

I love that Gwen doesn't even question that Agravaine's behind it. She's like "I'll use my charms to get Arthur to see reason, don't worry bestie."

ICONICCCC GAIUS USING MAGIC!!!!!!!!

Oh, I love when Merlin doesn't even use words. Just golden eyes and BOOM. Magic.

MERLIN FOR FUCK'S SAKE BRO YOU CAN'T EVEN SNEAK OUT CORRECTLY WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!! That's so fucking funny though, I'm losing it-

GWAINE!!!! MY BABY!!! You look like a puppy :,).

Oop. Cock blocked.

Merlin is just in a fucking mood and honestly he deserves to be. But it is interesting how differently he acted with Gwaine and Gwen. I wonder if he's being shorter with Gwaine 'cause he's a knight now, and he knows that knights talk and are closer to the king's views than the servants. Classic class division and such, even if Gwaine is not like other knights. He just cannot be sure now. Also 'cause he almost got found out my Agravaine which does not good for your nerves I bet.

WOW. Gwaine, baby, STAND UP. Get some self-respect. Good god. At Merlin's back and call, it's really ridiculous bro.

Immediately on a secret mission, love these boys.

Not Agravaine seeing his plans fall apart, GET REKT LOSER.

I wonder if Morgana's a good cook. I think she isn't actually. Just never gets recipes right. Burns things, undercooks others.

Oh, poor Gaius... he really tried to fight it but...

It's really fun watching the series and recognizing common clips used in edits.

The way Gaius speaks about Merlin with such wonder and pride... crying rn.

LMAO NOT MERLIN JUST COMPLETELY TRIPPING BOTH OF THE GUY'S FEET. ALSO THE WAY THE CATH TURNED??? HELLO??? HE LOOKED LIKE A SQUIRREL.

"We should split up." "Yeah." two dumb bitches saying "exactlyyyy"

"If you find him, don't wait for me." Gwaine IMMEDIATELY disagreed with that, Merlin dearest, he's not gonna let that happen.

Oh my god, Morgana hasn't met Gwaine yet. All she knows, from Agravaine, is that he's a "hothead". Lmao. lol even.

I love how Agravaine, literal dagger to Gaius' neck, is disagreeing with Gwaine's very keen observation, that he's the kidnapper and traitor. Girl, shut the fuck up.

Gwaine is so handsome. Also, yes, not completely stupid because, if Agravaine didn't kidnap Gaius, how did he know where he was, hm?? Bitchass.

Jesus. Credit when credit's due, he can be a good liar. Also, I feel like Gwaine's acting like he believes Agravaine's innocent, mainly because he can sense something fishy about him. His question, "So you agree he was abducted then?" is so SMART. 'Cause what else can Agravaine do but agree and declare Gaius an innocent man? Yeah that's fucking right, bitch.

Morgana is literally so hot and tragic when evil, good lord.

UGH, Morgana using magic without words, YES!!! Love her being powerful.

Face card never declines for either one of them, good god. Y'know what, more and more I understand Mergana. Just. Look at them!!!

OH THE WAY MERLIN KNOWS THAT ALATOR KNOWS HE'S EMRYS. OH MY GOD?????

Oh jesus, the way Morgana's just RELIEVED to finally know who Emrys is, she's so scared of him she just doesn't want to be scared anymore. Her voice is so soft here :(.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT HE YEETED THE FUCK OUT OF MORGANA WHAT THE FUCK, WOAH!!!!!!!!1

Oh wow that scene just gave me chills, holy shit holy shit. The way Alator just kneels and allies himself to Merlin. Jesus Christ, that's my drug bro.

Gwaine and Arthur interacting. Gwaine being so soft about Gaius, so worried :(. Arthur too :(((.

I really do love how royals just think the servants can't fucking hear. Gwen is right there as they speak very sensitive matters. Like bitch?? They have ears I promise??

The way Gaius and Merlin communicate their fears and anxieties :((( I'm so emotional bro.

"My worry is Arthur." and THOSE are your loyalties, while Alator and other's loyalties are to YOU, Merlin, 'cause you're supposed to bring forth Albion, but you're too busy having a fucking CRUSH TO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, the way Arthur walks into the room and Merlin cannot even BEAR to look at him. He's HURT. As is his right.

The way Merlin immediately lightens the mood, 'cause he wants things to be easy as possible, even if it gets hurts swept under the rug like this. UGH. AGHHHHHHHHH.

Boys. Stop eye fucking. You're supposed to at least be a little mad at him, Merlin, you kinda deserve that, y'know.

Love that Arthur believes without a doubt that Gaius withstood torture for him and Camelot and won. Like. He truly sees Gaius as this strong figure. Just always there since he was born, bro. Even before, while he was being made!! That's bonkers.

I love how Arthur understood Gaius' lied even though Agravaine talks in the "evil manipulative guy" voice all the time. Fuck off bro, I swear.

The Gaius is trying to teach Arthur to understand the complexities of magic, that it's all evil or all good, it's all different. I love this scene so much.

Pretty boy.

And that is it!!! God, what an episode!! I feel like this episode is a good starting point for a show rewrite, in which Arthur gets more and more curious about magic and tries to understand, and maybe we'd get a magic reveal and shit like. I like that a lot.

[romancomicsnews]

8 Characters who should appear in Young Justice Season 5

Hoping and praying for another season of Young Justice is something I'm very used to.

After its initial cancelation way back in 2013, Young Justice was revived for a third season on DC Universe, DC's attempt at a streaming service, and lived past that to get a fourth season on HBO Max.

It is now under hiatus with no current plans at a fifth season.

I however will continue to remain hopeful for another season. Young Justice (with the exception of the Harley Quinn animated universe) is my favorite version of the DC Universe. With an exceptional voice cast, a focus on younger more relatable heroes, and a realistic political element to a superhero world, Young Justice cements itself not only as one of the best DC animated shows, but one of the best pieces of superhero media.

So while I have nothing but time until Warner Bros sees the gem that they have and give us a fifth season, I thought I'd pitch the characters I'd most like to see in the next season.

Greg Weisman and Brandon Vietti, if you're reading this, know if you don't put these in, I trust the season will be great anyway.

But you know, consider it!

*Spoiler Warning for Every Season of Young Justice*

The Bad Boys of the Bat Family

Let's start with the obvious!

Jason Todd AKA The Red Hood has been teased ever since Season 2, and while has made a few appearances, we have yet to see the menace he can be to both Bruce and The Bat Family.

I particularly want his story to tie in with Tim, who has only been seen to be the loyal soldier to Bruce. This can be an opportunity to reflect upon the life, and how Bruce's trauma trickles down.

Another Bat pairing I'm itching to see is Damian Wayne and Nightwing. The blood son and the favorite son can lead to some fun comedic beats and a lot of tension for the team.

Whatever team they decide to position Damian on, it could lead to disaster. Damians presence can also lead to less trust amongst superheroes, as he is a known killer, and Robin is a pretty public title in the Young Justice universe.

The Forgotten Sidekick

Sometimes even sidekicks need sidekicks!

For those not in the know, Gear was an original character for the DCAU show Static Shock, Virgil's best friend Richie.

Using technology, including a robotic backpack and flying boots, he was simultaneously Virgil's guy in the chair and right hand man in the field.

Static has been on the show for multiple seasons, but really hasn't had much to do since season 2. Giving him a protege of his own while paying homage to what came before.

Speaking of what came before...

The Final Titans

Who doesn't want a Titans reunion?

In Season 3, Cyborg was introduced into the fold and Beast Boy was given a much more expanded role. Ever since, I've been waiting for the Daughter of Trigon and the Tamaranean Princess to arrive.

An episode where the 5 Titans meet for an impromptu mission would be a lot of fun, perhaps battling one of their classic villains like Brother Blood or Deathstoke!

In the long run, both characters fit very well into the already established universe.

Raven would make an interesting member of Zatanna's Sentinels of Magic, and Starfire would be right at home with Forager and Miss Martian as aliens on Earth.

Would it be fan wish fulfillment? Absolutely, but Young Justice has done it before. In Season 4, Razer of Green Lantern Animated Series was given one of the best episodes, continuing his arc to find Aya.

I'm not sure how you could get all these characters and one of the Robins together for a mission, but I'll leaving the writing up to the experts.

The Incompetent Time Traveler

We've had the Legion, we've had Bart, but we have yet to have a time traveler who has no idea what he's doing.

Enter: Booster Gold.

Booster Gold is a fan favorite character across comics and animated media. He is a failed football athlete in the 25th Century, who steals tech in the future to pretend to be a hero in our time.

The character is soon to enter James Gunn's DCU, and recently made his Arrowverse debut in Legends of Tomorrow, played by Donald Faison, right before the show got cancelled (I bring this up mainly because he deserved a shot at voicing him and it could be a fun nod).

Boosters interference with the timeline could lead him to the worlds only time traveling expert, Bart Allen, effectively making him the Outsiders responsibility.

The character also leaves the door open to potentially a big bad, and maybe even thee big bad of the season....

The Professor

Much like General Zod and the Kryptonians became an overarching threat for Season 4, making it a Superboy/Superman focused season, I think it's high time the Speedsters of the team have a new threat.

Professor Zoom or the Reverse Flash is Barry Allen's greatest enemy. Another future man of the 25th Century, Eobard Thawne was a brilliant scientist, so opposed with The Flash, he decided to become his greatest enemy to become part of the story.

Reverse Flash has quite a few similarities with Bart actually. Future speedster hoping to be a part of the story and change the timeline for "the better". It would be an interesting rivalry between them.

While I would like him as the big bad of the season, I understand we JUST did a time traveling menace

My potential pitch would be Reverse Flash needs access to our time now for a power source, something to bring his power to the next level. Something or someone with Speed Force to spare, making him a battery for Eobard. So I believe Reverse Flash has returned to the past to get...

The Prodigal Son

Did I write this piece just to pitch a Wally West return season?

Yes. Yes I did.

Young Justice has left just enough wiggle room for Wally to return. We never hear about his soul, we never found a body, and Wally has been trapped in the Speed Force in the comics before.

Most notably, The Speed Force has not been mentioned yet. Currently, I don't believe any speedsters actually know it exists.

Eobard showing them the speed force and releasing Wally to drain his power, only to be foiled by the team, would not only bring back Wally, it could make him the Fastest Man Alive.

Wally becoming the Flash could be his arc of the season, which I argue would’ve been his destiny if Bart didn’t save Barry’s life.

Giving us a Wally with a power boost, lost time and lost love could lead to a lot of drama and potential for storytelling.

And of course, an Artemis/Wally reunion is well in order.

Again, if none of these characters make an appearance in the next season, I’d still just be happy there’s a season at all.

But time will tell if I’m right.

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[ichayalovesyou]

Tomorrow & Tomorrow & Tomorrow

SPOILERS AHEAD

Oh man you guys! I really enjoyed this episode! I loved it way more than The Broken Circle but I did not love it as much as I loved Ad Astra Per Aspera but that episode was so a cut above the average (as in in the running for best episodes of Trek ever written caliber stuff). That it hardly seems fair to say so because this episode was an absolute JOY to watch! Lol! I love a good time travel romp!

I remembered enjoying Paul Wesley’s Kirk in A Quality of Mercy but I wasn’t sure whether I was just riding the high of the previous season or whether he could pull it off twice. But he did and I really really like his interpretation of Jim. I honestly like it a lot better than Chris Pine’s if I’m super honest with y’all.

I mean he UNDERSTOOD the assignment! He was definitely at his Kirkiest when they initially arrived in the 21st century that body language and cadence was on point despite him not looking too much like Shatner. I mean hats off to the writers too for that one. The passion for chess without being overly cocky. The all of it!

There was something about the hot dogs scene and letting La’an have the bed in the hotel that felt very Tarsus IV even tho that might not have happened in this timeline. It’s still very James Kirk of him. Not to mention the whole bit where his type is overachiever, kinda uptight but also dark and mysterious and dare I say a little out of his league folks. Whom he charms without being pushy into warming up to him and letting their guard down. Also THANK YOU to the writers and to Wesley for recognizing Kirk Drift and acknowledging our boy is a hopeless romantic and NOT a babe hound.

I called the La’an/Kirk thing way before it happened because of it. And from what was implied in the Ready Room interview with Paul Wesley it sounds as though we might get more La’an & Jim content in the future which I certainly wouldn’t object to! Although we are skirting the edge of when Jim & Carol Marcus supposedly met so that might get a lil complicated but the seasons (because they’re sorter) might not be 1:1 with years so they’ve got some wiggle room to work with.

I love seeing the cinematic parallels between Kirk & Jim’s love interest stuff in SNW that clearly draws them to each other later on. Chapel is a lot like Kirk and Spock is falling for her pretty hard. La’an is a lot like Spock by the time we meet him in TOS (not too similar to SNW baby Spock though) and they fell for each other pretty badly too! For example, both La’an & Spock are terrified of Kirk’s insane driving skills (or lack thereof lmao)! But enough about Jim & the whole K/S kitten caboodle! This episode is about LA’AN :D

Holy shit did La’an need what’s been happening with her in these past couple episodes. She got to face her generational trauma headlong, she got to see a mirror in Kirk and further realize the value of enjoying the fleeting and precious joys of life. By both convincing this alternate timeline version of Kirk that her version of the world is worth saving (also not the “Sam’s alive?” 😭 because his older brother dies unexpectedly and tragically in both timelines DONT TOUCH MEEEE, also not the potential Kirk bros content going forward also 😭). To eating the damn hot dog, and presumably letting Kirk talk her into taking the bed and just ugggggh.

And then HE DIES! They fridged Captain James T. Kirk of all people for HER character development lmao how’s THAT for a twist. Historically it’s been the other way around how’s that feel for once Jimbo? Damn!

Sera was an interesting villain, she was a good twist honestly felt like something was up with her the minute she had pics of that romukan ship. Also, I love all the self referential like, “yes we acknowledge this changed a little bit” stuff that’s happened. Like the Temporal Wars are why the Eugenics war is supposed to start around *now* and not the 90s like previously stated and Sera has been trapped trying to fulfill her mission for 30 years. Or how clearly Jim thinks everybody calls his brother George and only he gets to call him Sam when clearly that’s not the case lol. It’s nice little touches like that that really make me feel validated for having faith in the writers when nitpickers complain.

Also PELIA! She’s an art thief?! Incredible! Hilarious! Brilliant! No notes! Although it JUST occurred to me that because La’an went to Pelia before the whole “preventing the timeline from changing entirely” bit does THAT mean that La’an can at least talk to Pelia about what happened?! Because it’s implied La’an is who inspired her to become an engineer and that’s still part of our prime timeline! Maybe it’s like a Guinan and Picard situation! I think La’an should get to sob into the arms of our funky little klepto engineer grandma as a treat instead of breaking down alone in her room, please and thank you!

Anyway, baller episode! 9/10

[whatitshouldvebeen]

Gordon Ramsay x Reader Slow Burn Dom/Sub FF

Yes, I'm serious. It has about a million reads on assorted fanfiction websites, so trust me and them when I say you'll love it

Click for the previous chapter

Monday, June 24th, 2013

The other contestants and I gather at the entrance to the airport, waiting inside for further instructions–Monday airport traffic is no joke. Cars line up outside and throngs of people weave their way through each other, toting suitcases. That's not to say the airport lobby of Los Angeles is not stunning; the tall glass windows allow for the beautiful day's sunlight to shine through.

I take this time to examine my competition. There are fifteen other chefs aside from myself that are going to be competing against each other this season–eight men and eight women. Most of them are sitting in the airport lobby chairs, idly chatting to one another. I stand to the side of the chairs, leaning on the handle of my rolling suitcase. Thinking back to past seasons, I wonder which chefs were put here to stir up drama. My wondering is cut short with an uncanny interruption.

A woman with bleached blonde hair, dressed in a low-cut floral top and a short white skirt gathers everyone's attention. Or at least, the attention of the people who weren't already staring at her nearly exposed breasts.

"Oh my GOD can you guys believe it!" She bounces in place, her boobs jiggling, "I'm like, actually here. Of all the applicants I got picked! I can't wait to see which of you makes it to the final five with me."

She pauses, then grins wickedly like the Cheshire cat.

"Should be real easy, my competition doesn't look very... fierce." Her eyes quickly flit about the contestants, stopping on me for what seems to be a second longer than the others.

One of the few to not be at a loss for words is a middle-aged, stout, and bald man who scoffs at her.

"This is Hell's Kitchen, not Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Unless you keep your cooking skill in those tits then I doubt you'll make it to the final five with that self-absorbed attitude. This is a team game."

His voice is commanding, and surprisingly the blonde looks sheepish at being talked down to. By the time that a tall man in a suit approaches us, she hasn't managed to come up with a snarky retort.

"Hell's Kitchen contestants?" He questions the group. After seeing our collective nods he continues. "Please follow me." He turns and walks towards the sliding glass doors, exiting the airport.

Our bustling group happily follow him to a sleek black limousine with the initials "HK" branded on the side parked outside the loading gate. We all look giddily at each other. Excitement buzzes through my body as I lock eyes with the girl next to me, her brown curls bouncing in place as she jitters. We both give a shy grin, recognizing the other's excitement. As we approach the limo, the driver opens the door and lets us inside.

The limo is plush and cozy and there is an icebox with a bottle of champagne situated in the middle. The driver introduces himself as Paul and passes out champagne glasses to all of us before he takes his seat at the front and begins the drive to Hell's Kitchen. A few eyes lock onto the champagne bottle, but no one seems to have the confidence to crack it open.

The girl who had stood next to me earlier slides in next to me with a breathless, "Hey!"

"Hi!" I grin. "I'm (Y/N), and you?"

"Taylor." She returns the smile. She has a string of piercings up her ears, some hoops and some studs. Her hazel eyes shine with joy, the browns nearly matching her light tan skin tone.

"Are you as nervous as me?" I ask, my heartbeat in my ears as we pull up to a red light.

"Totally. This doesn't feel real, I've never been in a competition, much less on TV. I know my bro won't let me live it down if I don't do my best, so I'm trying to ignore my jitters. Can't let nerves interfere with my work." She lets out a puff of air and glances around the limo.

One of the younger men; green-eyed, thin, with messy ruffled brown hair, takes hold of the champagne bottle. "We can't let this go to waste, guys!" He says, opening it swiftly and pouring glasses for everyone with finesse. His winning smile is contagious as he confidently leads us all in a discussion of where we'd come from to get here, and cracks a few jokes. Soon enough all of us are smiling and laughing.

After about thirty minutes of driving the lights of the tinted window limo go out, leaving us in partial darkness. The chatter dies down and everyone looks around confused. A small TV flips open above the window between the driver and us contestants. On that TV is none other than Chef Ramsay, wearing his striking white head chef jacket with his arms crossed over his chest in his signature pose.

"Good afternoon, Hell's Kitchen contestants! I hope you all are enjoying yourselves on your trip to Hell, because things are about to get a lot less luxurious. As soon as you arrive, I expect you to hop in the kitchen and begin work on THE signature dish of yours that you are," he adamantly shakes his fist, "MOST proud of." The passion in his eyes burns in a way that can be felt through the screen. All of us are silent, at rapt attention. I feel my heart flutter at how fervently he encourages us. If he's anything like this in person, it'll be easy to be motivated by his words alone.

"You have forty-five minutes from the moment you arrive to complete your signature dish. The red and blue team will be competing, so be sure your dish impresses if you want your team to win. I will meet you all as soon as you've finished. Good luck, contestants." He turns his back to us as the screen folds up and the lights turn back on.

We are silent for a few seconds when the woman sitting next to the screen says, "Gee, he sure is intimidating."

She is so small that–when squished into a stretch limo with fifteen other people–she may as well get lost in the cushions. Her curly red hair frames her pale white face, and she has freckles across her nose that stand out when her skin drains of color, as it is now.

The man to her left, somewhat built, brown-eyed and black-haired with a buzz cut wraps his muscled arm around her shoulder, rapidly bringing color to her cheeks.

"Chin up Red!" He exclaims. "Ya wanna be brave when you talk to Ramsay. Even if you're scared, don't show 'em that ya are."

She nods delicately, curling her shoulders in to avoid touching his arm as much as possible. He doesn't seem to notice and leaves it around her for the duration of the ride.

[popculturebuffet]

Supermay! Finale: Legion of Super Heroes Episodes 1-4 (Man of Tomorow, Timber Wolf, Legacy, Phantoms) (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy legionarres and welcome to the grand finale of supermay, my monthlong tribute to the man of steel. Before we begin this final entry i'd like to thank all of you for reading this one: some reviews have done well, some not so much but your all appricated and i'd like to thank Kev, Emma, and Brotoman for their support. This event was enough of a success you can expect it back next year and please feel free to comment with things you'd like to see. Even a major cold wasn't enough to end this event on a down note.

In fact we're ending with , thanks to the schedule shakeups, one of my favorite pieces of superman lore and one I hope to revisit if this review does well, the Legion of Super Heroes!

For those less familiar a quick refresher: the Legion of Super Heroes were initially created as supporting characters for Superboy, at the time the man of steel when he was the boy of steel having adventures as a teen, and proved so successful they'd soon take over Superboy's stomping grounds of adventure comics once the boy of steel got his own book.

The Legion are a group of teenagers from a thousand years from now, idealistic teens inspired by the heroes of our present, paticuarlly superboy and later superman, all coming together from across dozens of planets. They were possibly the first teen superhero team and certainly the most succesful of their time. They've been rebooted four times, technically five, been through the wringer a lot and currently are twisting in the wind a bit, but the legion endures and I have faith they'll come back to promience eventually. They may not be one of DC's most prominent teams due to their unique setup, but their easily one of my faviorites and i'm happy I got to celebrate them this super may.

As for how it was easy: I choose the 2006 cartoon, one of the best versions of them and one of DC's best cartoons from my memory binging it over a decade ago, and i'm proud to say it held up beautifully.

The cartoon came about because, much like Superman the Animated series a decade prior.. Warner Bros wanted a tie in for it's latest superman movie.. which this time for better or worse, actually got finished: Superman Returns. Something good had to come out of that I suppose. So they wanted a series with a younger superman and luckily for us producer James Tucker was able to succesfully pitch a legion of superheroes series, which fit the criteria they wanted: focus on a younger superman fresh out of smallville, and that fit perfectly with the legion recruting a younger clark, updating that concept for a modern age as it hadn't been part of superman lore in a while and was just on it's way to being restored to continuity.

Intrestingly the cartoon was originally meant for Cartoon Network, where most other DC shows had gone at this point, but they passed for whatever reason.

But thankfully kids WB picked it up for two great seasons before it's sad collapse, and the result was one of my faviorite superhero teams got a cult classic tv show. Also just to be clear, as it's a rumor so prevelant James Tucker clearing it up shows up on the wikipedia page, while it's oft rumored the show was retooled from a DCAU version seemingly set up by a legion centric episode in Justice League Unlimited.. that was never the plan. The Kara episode was it's own thing, the timing was concidental, let's move on.

LOSH blends pieces from the first two legion of superhero continuites. The legion has FIVE diffrent continuties: the original which went away then was brought back, a soft reboot that was later deemed non canon, a full on reboot in the 90's that's wonderful and sadly stopped being collected by dc, a second reboot in the 2000's that was a bit more radical and finally a reboot a few years ago by Brian Michael Bendis

This one uses the idea of superman being recruited as a teen and being the inspiration for the group that was foundational to the original continuity, as well as the delightfully cheesy silver age names I adore, while using characterizations more in line with the more fleshed out 90's cast , as well as the more fleshed out versions of their home worlds. The result is a cartoon with silver age wonder, a well built world, and some really awesome redesigns I wish the comics would pick up, giving us a stylish well done cartoon that sadly was gone way too soon. You can see what I mean under the cut as we look at the first four episodes and see how Clark Kent Became superman.. again.

Man of Tommorow:

Man of Tommorow opens mid action, with the Legion getting their asses kicked and one of them, Lightning Lad wondering "Wher'es superman when you need him"

We cut to hours before this, centuries before this in smallville, with a young Clark played by Ben 10 and Spider-Man himself Yuri Lowenthal, who does a fantastic job. Clark is at this point a shy nerd whose unsure of his place in the world and is getting ready to start his job at the daily planet as a copy boy. Sadly in this timeline he does not have a whimsical college roomate or feisty love intrest to help push him out of his comfort zone.

He does however have the local fair which he's going to... and which Ma reminds him to be careful at as "your not like other people"

I'll admit this characterization isn't nearly AS bad as say Man of Steel. Mostly because how could you possibly worse than "You should've let them die clark instead of possibly exposing yourself and i'll throw myself into a tornado to prove it", but I hate versions of the kents that make clark feel.. bad for being different. It's one thing to caution him to not overuse them, it's another to make him feel terrible for having them or constantly remind him "your not normal". He knows ma. He knows. The Kents work best to me when their totally loving and accepting, that they worry for their boy sure.. but they love him just the way he is.

After a bit of Clark almost hitting a thing only not to hit a thing at the county fair, we get introduced to our first Legionarres, a small party sent to go recruit clark: our initial trio are Braniac 5, played by former child star Adam Wylie who really shoudl do more voice work as he's terrific here, Saturn Girl, played by voice acting legend Kari Whalgreen and Bouncing Boy, played by voice actor and ocasinal actor Micheal Cornacchia who does great work here and I wish did more voice work.

This is a slight rework of how, traditionally, Clark's recurited to the legion in the comics, but it's one that works. In the original the three founders of the legion went: Saturn Girl, Lightning Lad and Cosmic boy, something Superman the Animated Series would do something similar to later as would Smallville. I ahven't seen smallville but you'd best belivie I know when the legion shows up in something.

Here it's reworked to better fit the cast: Cosmic Boy isn't a main character and is thus off on a mission and while Lightning Lad is, he's a bit of a bullying prick, so sending him on a recruitment mission, one he outright scoffs at later, would've been a terrible move. Instead they shift to a party that makes more sense: Brainy came up with the idea in this continuity, we'll get to the why later, and like in the original comics is the team's time travel expert and being one of the main cast and one of the most prominently used legionarres, it only makes sense to have him be one of the first to show up.

Bouncing Boy isn't as prominent, but still makes sense: He's friendly, personable, and like Brainy a tech expert, something we'll get more into in episode 2. It makes since to bring him on a recruitment mission, and on a mission where if something happens to Brainy they need someone to fix their little robot child.

Speaking of which Braniac 5 is changed a bit here, and I feel it works: instead of an alien like the original, he's robotic, ala the dcau braniac, with Colluians as a whole followint suit. This not only makes his issues with emotions a bit more literal, but also allows him to be a bit more dynamic in combat. In the original comics, he's not useless, having a powerful forcefield, but his brain is really his superpower. Here he has telescopic limbs to go with his genius, being essentially a robotic boy child reed richards.

The three head to the fair to find clark and soon find him trying to stop a faris wheel. While Clark is put off by three strangers who suddenly know his deepest secret, they prove invaulable in stopping it and we soon get a showcase of all their powers: Brainy we've covered, so let's move on to my boy, Bouncing Boy. Bouncing boy has a truly rediculous and truly wonderful power.. he turns into a giant bouncing ball. This power was seen as a tad goofy in the 90's and thus he was reduced to a non powered supporting character. The series splits the diffrence: he's still a pilot like he was in the reboot and an ace mechanic.. but he also still has his bouncing ball powers and is a reminder that said powers, as wonderfully goofy and unique as they are.. are also dangerous and useful. Here he uses them to prop up the hweel by inflating, but it's easy to forget that a gaint bouncing ball that's pretty invunerable is actually pretty damn threatning in the right circumstances. No one will call him the legion's power house, but put some respect on the name: bouncing boy can be dangerous and shows jojo levels of turning a seemingly inccous power into a threat.

Finally we have Saturn Girl, whose people are telepathic, and is thus a super taleneted telepath. The series finds clever uses for this but here she's mostly useful for tracking Clark and for crowd control. The heroes save the day but clark runs off in fear. Irma tells them not to follow as she gets Clark KNOWS he has a responsiblity and will listen to their offer more later. I love the show's version of Saturn Girl/Irma, as she's a telepath.. but rather than be closed off because of it uses it to be empathetic and kind, being the heart of the team while still being stoic on the surface.

The trio stalk clark to his house, and make their pitch: The future needs him, clark is better than he knows, and they can use him. Why they choose him at this point in his life is vauge, but I assume Brainy knew they both had a better chance of recruting him and they could HELP him become the superman he's destined to be. Stable time loop and all that.

Clark reluctantly agrees, aassured he'll be back in time for chicken and dumplings. With that our heroes go to the future where the rest of the legion are waiting.. or our main cast anyway. A nice touch I like from the series is much like the comics, they already have a pretty sizeable roster: Colossal Boy, Shrinking Violet and Cosmic Boy are all mentioned later and we see Element Lad, Blok and Tyroc in the next episode along with them. The legion in the comics usually has around 25 people max. The reason for this size orignally was simply silver age writers kept introducing more legionarres so the team kept growing and given the characters were interchangable personality wise, there was no real need to whittle it down.

They later found a clever workaround that later comics picked up on: since the team's in the future, the bulk hailing from various indvidual worlds which gave them their powers (though a few did get theirs by accident as per superhero standard), and were later confirmed to be duly deputized by the united planets, the future's highest governing body, it made sense the legion was spread out galactically. As such characters could be said to be "on mission" somewhere else in the galaxy, and thus whittle the team down to whoever was needed for a story. If the whole of the legion was involved, it was for bigger stories that were dire as hell. Stories often used squads of whoever the writer wanted to use at that moment for missions which makes sense.

The series uses this well: the team has other members, showing off it's scope and how many worlds bought into the concept, but focuses on a core cast on earth at Legion HQ: Superman, Braniac 5, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, Triplicate Girl, Bouncing Boy and one more we'll meet next episode. They still go across the galaxy, the adventures are still cosmic in scope, but it helps narrow focus so we can flesh out who we have.

So speaking of which our other three members. First up is Lightning Lad, a founding member as mentioned, and in this continity an egotistical hot headed asshole. He's good at what he does, being great with his powers and easily the second strongest member of the core cast, but has a MASSIVE chip on his shoulder. This is a slightly exagerated version of his reboot version, who was also a bit of a hot head but not quite the ass. It still works as he makes a good contrast to the more humble and kind clark, whose friendly to the guy despite waving his dick around constantly. Garth is voiced by Andy Milder, a voice actor and recurring actor who also voiced Jay Garrick Flash in Batman Brave and the Bold. Good for him. Like the rest of the cast he's fantastic.

Next is Phantom Girl. Phantom Girl here is the sassy one of the group, quick with a sarcastic remark, but also understanding, quickly bonding with clark in episodes after this. She may joke but it's clear she cares for the team even if she busts chops constantly and we love her for it. Easily one of the highlights of the show. She's from the planet Btzl, a phantom planet parallel with earth. As such she can phase in and out of our plane and into hers, allowing her to phase through objects, people and disappear and reappear. She's played by Heather Hogan. Hogan mostly does video game work, and I haven't seen her in much personally though she was great as Clorica in Rune Factory 4.

Finally we have Triplicate Girl, one of my faviorite legionarres as the comics have found intresting thigns to do with the idea of a person who can split in three in the reboots: the 90's one had her have a distinct personality for each, and be considered abnormal because of it, with RJ BRande, the legion's backer formally adopting her as a result, and the 2000's one had her able to clone indefintely but down to the trio as three of them left the planet.. and found the others didn't accept them when they went back. Here.. she's just .. there in a go go outfit. The design, like all of these is clever, with her having tri colored hair and when split each duplicate takes on a diffrent shade (or two shades when just doing two0, and having martial arts based on their cloning technique.. but otherwise they don't... do much with her this season. Next season gets a pass as the execs told them to focus more on stuff boys would like and less on the girl characters

But here she's just... in the background. They didn't really know what to do with her. Outside of Chain of Command she dosen't get to do much plot wise and it's a shame.

The three welcome their new teammate.. and Lightning Lad and Phantom Girl are less than impressed though to her credit Phantom Girl's just a tad confused. Lightning Lad's a full on asshole doubting brainy got it right and generally being a dick.

Naturally being a dick he puts clark to the test with a bit of testing machinery to test clark's strength. Clark eventually fails and runs off upset and Saturn Girl berates Garth for being at a 10 on the douchemeter when they need a 2 and poitns out clark was lifting 500 tons.

So Saturn Girl goes to fetch Clark who while running away as fast as he can found the Superman Museum. The Museum is taken straight form the comics but adds the nice touch of using some silver age style panels to represent supes. Clark's finally found out WHY they choose him at all and what h'es destined to be, with Irma encouraging him he can become this and has it in him. She also explains when prompted why they need him so bad, something Phantom Girl covered earlier when Lightning Lad insisted they didn't need help: The Fatal Five.

The Fatal Five are on of the legions greatest threats, a group of the five deadliest criminals in the galaxy. In the comics they were brought together for a desperate mission and decided they were deadlier as a unit. Here

They are Mano, a skelington in a bubble helemet whose touch equals death, Tharok, a genius cyborg, Validus, a hulking monstrosity, Emerald Empress, a sorceress weidling the powerful emerald eye of ekron, an artifact similar to what the green lanterns use but powerful, evil and able to brainwash people and Persauder.. .he's an axe man, oh my god he's an axe man. The five are just sort of a vaugely ominous force here, still VISUALLY intresting but mostly there to provide a threat big enough to warrant clark. I haven't rewatched their other apperances to see if they get fleshed out better and in the comics I haven't read a ton of their apperances period.

So Clark heads back though Lightining Lad is reluctant to use him. Not out of jackassery for a change, but because he's genuinely concerned: Clark HAS seen action but "not like this".. and he's not wrong. Earlier it was clear clark did anonomus rescues before becoming superman, a trait i've always liked when he's not outright superboy: it fits the character and is something he should be doing. But this.. is outright combat.

Seconds into the fight Clark bounces out, seemingly abandoing the team to get smacked around. While they beat the fatal five the last time... that was with the full roster and BARELY. This time they TRIED to get reinforcements but Shrinking Violet was undercover, they seemingly coudln't reach the others, and Cosmic Boy could be there, but was far away enough he woudln't make it.

The legion seems beat.. Luckily clark was instead warming up. Granted he might of thought of doing this BEFORE but it's a fair fear response: it's one thing to say you can fight supervillians, it's another to see them. So he heads off going up up and... very slowly and awkwardly before getting his barrings, a joke I love.

He can fly though and confronts the fatal five and his sheer power gives them a chance with Saturn Girl, one of the only two still not brain zapped by emerald empress (The other being lightning lad who, douche canoe he may be DID prove himself by being the final one to go down), and encourages them to fight.

And fight they do as the ensuing fight is a gorgeous shocwase of what everyone can do, from Phantom girl nabbing persuader's axe to allow Triplicate girl to kick him in the face, to Lightning Lad teaching clark about his freezing breath, to Saturn Girl hyjacking Validus. It's an awesome fight, and ends with the five defeated. In paticualr superboy held off empress. They escape, of course, but they still won the fight and made it so they won't try that shit again. Brainy offers to take clark back but he decides to stick around... he realizes the legion can help him grow as a person and as a hero, and well. they CAN return him right where he left, so he's not exactly in a hurry. Clark adds the legion crest to his belt and gets his flight ring.

The Flight Rings are one of my faviorite legion things and weirdly I don't have a replica yet, simple golden rings that allow the user to well.. fly, and serve as proof of legion status. It means anyone in the legion can fly though some like superman CAN fly on their own. Also he's man instead of boy here, rights issues.

The Man From Tommorow is a decent episode... but is hampered by it's run time. It really needed more than the standard 20 some minutes as it had a LOT of ground to cover, and as such feels rushed: Clark grows comfortable with himself fast, the team goes down and recovers fast, and the episode could've badly used a second part to help slow it down, flesh out the rest of the legion and the story. It's still a decent opener, getting across the legion as a concept, clark's characterization for the series as an unsure rookie, and most of th elegions personaliteis to a degree, but it needed more time in the oven to truly be a great story. Thankfully the series only picks up from here and with this one doing most of the table setting, the rest of the season just leaps into the concept full speed case in point...

Timber Wolf:

The first episode was decent but the second. .is the show I remembered, with well done characters, intresting stories and balls to the walls action way ahead of it's time for this kind of show. The last part was present in the first ep but this one really let's us get to know the cast.. and adds one last member to our main roster.

The legion is on a space mission, standard stuff, with some fun banter as Superman dosen't clear it up right away because Lightning Lad wanted to "teach him something" , showing this clark has a sense of humor and a small but fun michevious streak. The team for this mission is Supes, LL, Brainy, Bouncing Boy, and Saturn Girl.

We also get to know Bouncing Boy better and get a fun b-plot with him and brainy as the two bicker: Brainy wants Bouncing Boy to use the compensators he installed and BB would prefer to fly himself. It's a nice clash of styles: Brainy is stuck to logic and routine and BB prefers human intution. Classic sci fi stuff that works great here and dosen't feel too stale as it feels rooted in character.

The Legion gets a distress call from a disant planet: Dr. Londo needs their help as a creature has gotten loose and our heroes naturally toucfh down on a spooky planet to deal with it. The doctor explains he does biological research and the creature got loose and killed his son and he needs it recaptured.

This episode is nicely horror coded, with a nice atmosphere that helps boost the story.

As you could probably guess from a mile off... the Doctor isn't being completely honest. The fact he told B and B to stick to the hangar is a clue and Bouncy learns the hard way when he eventually storms off after getting tired of Brainy micromanaging him and not trusting his ability to improvise. I also can't help but love the possibly unintetional autisim coding brainy gets, ala spock: Brainy is obnoxious in his need to order.. but genuinely dosen't get WHY he pissed his friend off when he's, in his mind right. On the spectrum myself i've been in that position before, if not to this degree and it's honestly more accurate than some attempts to tackle autisim outright i've seen.

Bouncing Boy gets mobbed by robots just for going off course, an entirely responable and not stupid security thing. Brainy rescues him as, while Bouncing Boy isn't helpless he is outnumbered, the two make up and decide to go snooping as something is clearly very wrong. Villian Pro Tip: NEVER overdo your security when your trying to keep heroic guests away from your creepy shit. Villian Pro Tip 2: Maybe don't call down super heroes to grab your son and expect it to end well for you.

And yup, while it's not the biggest twisty twist, that's what the creature is. We find out after said creature skirts saturn girl away.. but turns out, in classic monster movie fashion, he's sapient and allows Irma to pick his brain. Naturally lightning lad fucks it up, attacking him and accidnetly knocking her out leading to LL and Superboy caputting him. Thankfully by this point the brainy subplot has reached the snooping stage, and I love the gag of Bouncing Boy just.. shouting for them to join the party.

Irma has them free the monster, explaning they were idiots and with his consent getting the full story.. and helping Brynn Londo, the doctor's not dead at all son, assume a more humanoid form and maintain it and his ablility to speak.

The bad doctor shows up wanting his property back, the legion say fuck no to that and they stop him, with Brynn chasing his dad. They win the day, helped by the fact the various monsters unleshed on our heroes.. are not very fond of the bad doctor.

The Doctor brags, pointing out this isn't United Planets Space, so our heroes can't touch him. Also hammer can't sue. But his son gets the last laugh, not only pointing out what a monster his dad is but then destroying his equipment so he can't do this shit to someone else. While his dad TRIES to bait him with "how long wil you keep this form up"... it backfires as Irma vows to help and the Legion welcomes a new member. He gets a spiffy outfit I absolutely love and in a very nice touch recites the legion oath, with cameos from the other legionarres. I like getting to see my boy blok.

We stand Blok in this mojo dojo casa house.

Timber Wolf is a sharp improvement to what wasn't a bad episode, but badly needed mor echaracter. The rest of the legion gets fleshed out, the atmosphere is great and the twist, while obvious is still unsettling and provides a nice setup for Timber Wolf to join the team.

Legacy

Legacy features an intresting spin on an old foe of Supermans: Lex Luthor. It asks the bold question: What if Lex and Clark were into one another. A riddle for the ages. This being the 2000's it uses lex's female descendant but the question still stands and the episode still slaps.

While out flying around Clark rescues Alexis, a red headed thrill seeker. When he gets back to the gang their all happy he met someone. Even Brainy, which good for him not being jealous.. yet. More on that in a moment. They all soon find out he rescued Alexis, the richest girl to ever rich girl and the biggest celebrity in new metropolis apparently. Phantom Girl says she outs mopey rich girls her, which is saying something. Lightning Lad says he could never, Brainy says Superman cat get it, and Clark is convicned he won't see her again.. only to be proven wrong when she asks him out that night.

Brainy is a bit nettled though as that was their patrol night and thus

Yeah we really can't talk the legion of superheroes cartoon, this episode or brainy without addressing the elephant in the room: Brainy has a MASSIVE crush on superman. He's possibly not aware of it, emotional awareness and social awareness are not things the boy is good at and I can relate, but it's there. The producer admitted as much during an anniversary panel, citing that "some things" had to be gotten past the censors while Brainy's voice actor Adam Wylie at least flat out thinks Brainy was in love with him. Even back then when I was bad at picking up on gay subtext in cartoons, I could tell.

It's also ahead of it's time to have this so blatant.. .it's not super emphasized because network jackassery, but the fact one of the main characters is attracted to men and i'ts not hidden at all is amazing to me.

Brainy is sore because he and clark were supposed to patrol, and while part of it is again, he wants to stare at his crush for several hours, being brainy he also set out a logical pattern of patrols as the Scavengers are out there. The legion asks what we're thinking

Brainy DID send them a briefing.. but being Brainy made it 134 pages so no one , even Clark, read it. And when you can't get future journalist clark kent to read your whole ass document, you done messed up. I also like this detail with brainy: that he IS a strategic genius.. but he also over does it so much. It's better than 80 "in english poindexter" jokes". We get a few of those, it's only fair, but I like having a variety to how much Brainy overthinks things with his 12th level intellgence.

He explains: the scavengers are techno pirates, sadly not with matching costumes, and he wants to be on the lookout. However he can't resist a sad boy so he agrees to let Clark go on his super date, provided he keeps the coms on, and Clark promises to do two patrols in a row to make it up to him.

Unfortuantley Brainy once again messes up as he keeps calling every two minutes. Might want to take about ten percent off there Squirrely-ac five. His report.. is there's nothing to report so Clark eventually mutes him. The Legion Communicators PROBABLY shoudln't have a mute button, but they probably only due because of this.

Clark feels out of place with all the judgy rich people but Alexis arrives and really just wanted to put in an apperance and hang out with her boy. The two sneak into her lab at Luthor International. I like to think Maxwell Lord made a deal with Luthor's daughter and the companies merged.

AT any rate Alexis does relate to clark, as she's not sure what she wants to do with her life and like clark has a lot of pressure to be great NOW. While Clark's romancin and relatin, the rest of the legion gets slammed by the scanvengers. They do fine AT FIRST.. but eventually are overwhelmed and clark dosen't answer and OH NO BRAINY'S ARM GOT SHOT OFF

and... OH NO.... it's.. fine the next scene as he easily repairs it. The Legion's a bit miffed, ESPECIALLY Brainy.. but Clark genuinely apologizes and explains... and they all instantly forgive him aside from Brainy. Turns out even when Brainy dosen't have a crush on you he dosen't know how not to overmessage. Again can relate. But I like this nuance. That it wasn't "oh they can go without you one night" from alexis or clark making a mistake: Clark had a reson to turn his badge on silent and shoudln't have, but Brainy did abuse the coms and overthink it in a way he apparently does a LOT. Clark is genuinely sorry and cancels plans for tommorow.

Alexis is able to talk him into an hour of fun, but Clark is upset he's late and has to go. He misses patrol, brainy's upset, but Clark's gneuinely contrite.

Alexis.. then takes things a step too far as she fakes an attack to get Clark's attention. To his credit. while Clark DOES try to just let the sp handle it to not annoy brainy.. brainy tell shim to go save her. It's what superman would do. But Clark is rightfully pissed: the legion NEEDS him and while he would like to hang for days he simply can't and Alexis is too lonely and isolated and to a degree selfish to get that saving the world comes first. So she decides fine if he has to pick one.. she'll take away the other option. It's like super great grandpap always said from his perserved brain in the basement always said: if they love something else, kill it , kill everything else they love so they only have you.

So Alexis teams up with the scavengers, gives them an upgrade, and lures clark away so she can siege the legion's clubhouse. Unfortuantely for her, Brainy is not only as smart as her, but the legion aren't pushovers and while she does get them on the ropes , Clark arrives having figured out the ruse and a fight breaks out, cumilating in Alexis deciding "if I can't have you i'll just kill you" just like super great grandpap would, and ending up bald like him.

In Jail Alexis reassembles Woodhouse.. because of course her robot is named woodhouse, and plots revenge... then we never see her again because the execs decided the show needed more BOYSSSS SAND TO APPEAL TO BOYS AND APPEAL TO ALL THE BOYSSSSS. God I wish Warner Bros execs werne't grown in a lab somewhere.. and that they let David Zaslav finish baking.

Legacies is an excellent episode, tapping into clark's need for normalcy, giving us a truly standout villian, and having some great jokes. The last part isn't important to an action show like this but I do like it. Tara Strong gives a stand out performance as Alexis and it's a damn shame we didn't get to see her again. Speaking of Cool Villians we never saw again..

Phantoms:

Our final episode for the day and this one's a bit intresting as it's actually 6th in production order, the 4th is the 6th aired episode fear factory. I would've kept it there but this is another superman centric one and it IS superman month, so it made sense. if this review does well, I might do the next batch including fear factory in october.

Clark has been visting the superman museum a lot, trying to find some clues about who he'll be. It's.. not super healthy. Also at the Museum is someone I forgot to mention during the first museum scene in the pilot, Booster Gold. Yes in a nice Cameo Booster is there... probably going to steal that legion ring eventually. That's how he flies. We also get a cameo from either lobo's descdeant or the main man himself in the previous episode as Alexis steals his bike.

Clark finds something and figures if it's his museum he can touch things: the Phantom Zone projector.. and accidently unleashes a prisoner.

It's here we meet Drax, vocied amazingly by character actor Greg Ellis, and his two pets, Eeny and Meany. Drax trashes the place with the awesome line "I see the altar but where's the god" and escapes. Lightning Lad is naturally the one to berate clark , but the rest of the legion is kind enough not to rub it in. The bigger issue is another kryptonian is now loose and he's bad.

Drax is an intresting character, in part because of what we know about him: he was created by Zod, something heavily implied by the z on his suit and the fact Zod is a terrible father every damn time, so it's no suprise he genetically eneeered a son just to murder superman, constantly has thoughts pumped into his head that he's evil and always has been always will be and said thoughts pump in with sharp pain if he gets off course trying to kill superman. You can see WHY the guy is such a monster when he hasn't really been given the choice not to be. He instead doubles down. He also has a swagger that's just.. unedeinable. I don't know what it is abotu Superman and british villians but it just works.

The episode is mostly the team tracking Drax down, but the cat and mouse works as their chasing someone as strong as superman, with no morals and two pet monsters. The ep is largely a showcase for the series great fight coreography

It does have some godo character stuff as we get the start of the sorta romance between Phantom Girl and Timber Wolf. They never offically hook up, but the tension is there as he spends the episode trying to protect her and she proves she can handle herself, but also has to learn in a team it's okay to have someone watch your back... just in moderation. The two weren't a thing in the comics.. but it works really well here, his blunt nature matching hers and his less than happy background nicely contrasting her being richer than god and her mom being president of the united planets.

The other notable runner in the episode is the science police: their the police but you know, science, present in every legion incarnation..a nd here their just the plain worse. Which tracks for police but begs the question why we still have them. THey don't like the legion which isn't a new take: the 90's version didn't exactly care for them either, and even preboot there was some friction, it just slowly lessened as some of the legion dated some of the science police. As you do. Here.. THEY FIRE ON THE LEGION WITH ALL THEIR MIGHT to try and kill the monsters

But wait this is somehow dumber! Not only are they firing on teenagers, if implied to be older teens mostly.. but as this episode mentions, Phantom Girl... is the president's daughter. If that wasn't enough, while it's not mentioned directly in this episode, the legion is formally sponsored by the united planets here, as they are in most versions, and unlike the UN the UP is more of a galactic senate and thus has a LOT of power. So their not just shooting at teens.. but teens who shooting at could cause a dipolmatic incident, and teens who outrank them!

Good lord. Anyways eventually Drax out manuvers them, using his monsters as a distraction.. while he goes for the Headquaters with only brainy left behind. It's here we find out something intresting: Brainy has a bit of kryptonite. He tries using it on Drax.. but Zod was smart enough to make sure that woudln't work, and Drax.. actually makes a point: That Clark DOSEN'T know about this, and ponders why brainy has this and dosen't tell him. It's understandble to have a fail safe.. much less to not tell him and hints to a darker side to our boy, a more pragmatic one we'll see more of in season 2.

For now the legion arrives.. and Drax finds the projector, using it to send them away. Clark explodes, utterly laying into Drax in a truly awesome fight, slamming the guy down bellow and even grabbing guns. Clark demands answers.. but Drax laughs, realizing Superman REALLY dosen't know and he won't tell him because well dick.

Thankfully while the fight is even the Legion narrowly escape, and in an awesome way as their stranded in the phantom zone at first, where the phantoms can hurt them.. but they can't touch them. Phantom Girl shows her awesomeness as she CAN and judo kicks a bunc hbefore brainy gets them to saftey and they find a hail mary: Brainy uses his shield generator , with a power boost from Lightning Lad, to punch their way home, and Phantom Girl phases them all. This comes with the massive risk of her possibly not being able to phase back.. but they have no other option and she bravely completes the circuit. Drax goes back, the kryptonite thing goes with him and Clark is left unaware... Brainy's happy to be rid of the ball and Clark's happy to find out the answers the fun way.. but there's still the unease that he didn't TELL clark what it was or why Drax was about to use it. That even as much as he loves clark.. Brainy can't ultimately be honest.

Phantoms is a solid episode. It's mostly a LOT of action, but it's fun well paced action and the climax's knock down drag out fight and darring escape is amazing. It's a well done episode with a great villian we sadly don't see again, though in this case it was likely the show getting cut short rather than executives being stupid pod persons.

And with that supermay is done. IT was a fun ride and the bigger likes than usual tells me ya'll would love to see this again next year, so you shall. Until then keep hope for a better world, look up too the sky, and thanks for reading.

[episodeoftv]

Prelims, Vote 7 of 8

The top 4 finales will move on to be included in the main bracket

Propaganda is under the cut, may include spoilers

Friends - 10.17 The Last One

It's specifically part 2 I think qualifies here because that has the Rachel got off the plane thing and I think in 2023 we can all admit that was a mistake. she should've just lived her best life in Paris

Gilmore Girls - 7.22 Bon Voyage

No propaganda submitted

Gossip Girl - 6.10 New York I Love You XOXO

Chuck murders his uncle so the plot is that Chuck and Blair had to get married in a day and like flee the country. Whether you loved them or hated them, no one wanted them to get married in ten minutes on the street. Dan is revealed as Gossip Girl which makes ZERO sense because he sends tips to Gossip Girl and learns stuff from it ALL THE TIME. It’s literally impossible that he was Gossip Girl the whole time. There’s a timeskip and Dan and Serena are getting married, OH cause no one even cares that he’s Gossip Girl and has ruined their lives over and over, so Dan and Serena get married even though they haven’t been together since they were sixteen!! They don’t even like eachother at all by season six. Everyone else’s ending is just tragic. Nate’s whole storyline in season one was hating that his life was planned and he’s going to end up like his dad, and he ends up exactly like his dad and he’s in politics despite showing zero interest in it before. Every character didn’t want to end up like their parents and DID by the end

ReBoot - 4.08 Crouching Binome, Hidden Virus

It concluded with a cliffanger and a massive reveal (the nice BoB, Dot was about to marry was the bad guy all along) that left the viewer shocked as Megabyte (said bad guy) seized the center of Power and everything was about to be infected.

Shameless - 11.12 Father Frank, Full of Grace

Imagine a show going on for 11 seasons just for not a single one of the characters to get a genuinely happy ending. All the endings were open ended, but for every single one of them it was implied that bad things were coming (other than the character who died, obviously, because that was a true end). We spent 11 years getting attached to characters only for none of them to be truly happy and so many questions still unanswered.

Star Trek: Voyager - 7.25 / 7.26 Endgame

Throwing together Chakotay and Seven out of nowhere at the last minute; Janeway cavalierly rewriting decades of history to save them; everything relying on deus ex machina future tech; all these are bad. But the worst part is, "Endgame" ends before they get home! We don't see any reunions between the crew and their families back home, or how their homecoming is celebrated. After seven years, they get back to Earth, and it just...ends, without any real resolution.

Top Chef - 11.17 Finale

It's the end of a long season full of frustrating man children and delicious food in Louisiana. With our final two we have Nina, an award winning chef and fan favorite of the season who has been in the top ten challenges and the bottom only twice. She could be the first (and to this day would still be the only) black woman to win Top Chef. In the other corner we have Nicholas, who was in the top four times and the bottom six times and always blames other people for his problems. He yells at his staff and coworkers whenever things get tough throughout the season as well. They each get three sou chefs and Nina picks the two other strongest women of the season who both were screwed over by Nick earlier in the season, alongside her friend Travis. Nick picks three bros and there's a joke that it's Guys vs Girls because Travis on Nina's team is gay. Service is stressful for each team but they handle it in different ways. Nina readjusts her plans quickly and Nick yells at his waitstaff in front of everyone again. The judges eat at both places and we get an emotional interview with each contestant of what winning would mean for them. Judging time! Three of the judges think Nina should win because her food was the best of the night. Two judges think Nick should win because his food was better. One of the Team Nick judges is head Judge Tom Colichio and he speaks to the other judges like they're stupid. The judges start debating and the two Team Nick judges say, wait, actually both teams were equally good that night but Nina has always been that good meanwhile this is the best Nick has ever done so he should win. The judges argue more and at one point Tom Colichio says Nick yelling at his staff proves he's a passionate chef so he should win. They keep disagreeing with three for Nina and two for Nick. We don't see the end of the argument. Two Cheftestants stand before the judges with their families and all the former contestants of the season standing off to the side. The winner of Top Chef New Orleans is... Nick. Some of his fellow Cheftestants from the season are visibly annoyed and Nick gives his mom a sloppy kiss on the lips before giving a tearful confessional. The end.

[brandnewhuman]

Hey I was wondering if you could do a slasher match up, it’s cool if not!

I’m a ✨fluffy✨ 5’5 gender-fluid person. I usually wear baby comfy clothes and usually have my hair down. I love to draw both traditional and digital. I love horror even though with my active imagination end up terrifying myself. I am an introvert but I have my extrovert moments. I usually keep to myself, but with people I trust I will spend hours talking or just vibing. I hate when people touch me unless either 1. I initiate touch. Or 2. I tell them that they are allowed to touch me. If anyone touches me that I don’t know or like, I have accidentally broken a few bones. I like to stay in my room most days and spend hours either reading, drawing, watching movies, or resting with mountain of plushies. I like to talk a lot but I have a social battery that when empty I will become aggressive. I am fairly strong due to having to help out on my families farm. I like fall more than the other season and Halloween is my favorite holiday. I also tend to have a people pleaser complex and tend to worry about others, but also somehow speak brutally honest.

I paired you up with...

♡ Rz Michael Myers ♡

♪IT'S CUFFING SEASOOON♪ big boy here is your perfect match, bro is quite literally all you need ARGUE WITH THE WALL

WHY HE'S THE BEST MATCH?:

For starters, i think we can all agree on the massive size kink we all collectively have in the slasher community and this man? BIG, HUGE EVEN. BRO IS BUILT LIKE A MF TREE.

Like you, he opens up only to people he truly loves and trusts so I think he would appreciate this personality trait of yours cause it makes him feel special to know you feel this nice around him, that you open up and start being more yourself when he's with you. Loves the stay at home activities and you can bet he's gonna do DIY projects and artsy stuff with you CAUSE OUR MAN HERE IS WHAT? TALENTED AND CREATIVE, EXACTLY.

Ngl, if he finds out you get a bit scared of horror movies because you overthink about them, he would fuck around and spook you from time to time but just for shits and giggles, never too seriously. Bro doesn't have a single ounce of respect inside his body.

Physical touch is difficult for him too, and because of how you are about it I think he would be perfect for you. He needs someone who won't make him feel guilty if he doesn't feel like being physically affectionate and stuff but at the same time he needs to be able to feel comfortable enough to know he can ask for it and try to be more affectionate without the person taking advantage of him. Weirdly enough, boundaries help him regulate himself on how to express his love for people cause he has never had anyone teaching him these things so he needs to be guided a little bit.

Speaking of social battery thing, his has never been charged lmao THIS MAN IS SO DONE WITH HUMANITY FR. But for you? He's sitting there and listening to every single word you might say. And you may think he's not gonna pay attention and end up forgetting everything BUT YOU'RE WRONG. He proves he listens with small gestures; if you talk about certain food things you like, you'll find them in the house the next day. If you tell him about a movie, he puts it on the TV when you're watching stuff with him the night after. If you talk about someone bothering you, they're gone. Which is a problem cause half of the fucking town will start to disappear since he takes even the smallest thing that might've annoyed you very seriously, BRO IS NOT PLAYING GAMES.. HE WILL KILL BITCHES FOR YOU. and in general too, but that's not the point. Also he loves to just hang out in silence around you if you don't wanna talk, and if you want alone time he's gonna take the opportunity and go do his own thing. This type of freedom and having the choice to finally do whatever he wants without being forced to do anything else is really refreshing for him.

As soon as you say Halloween is your fav Holliday he's gonna be like "you can't handle the uber instincts of my uber autism" AND GOES CRAZY FR FR. He makes you a Halloween mask, he sits with you to watch old horror movies, makes you buy candy or steals it for the both of you. Obviously he's gonna go and do some killz and all that jazz, BUT MOSTLY HE'S GONNA SPEND THE WHOLE DAY WITH YOU.

Overall he matches really well with your creative and chill personality, he feels safer with someone who's not overwhelmingly clingy and loving but still shows affection and stuff.

WELL, THAT'S ALL FOLKS. I HOPE YOU LIKED IT AND I KNOW ITS A BIT SHITTY BUT THATS BC I HAVEN'T DONE THIS IN A WHILE.

Song that matches the vibe:

[kremlin]

i am going to offer one thought on the situation that unfortunately does not need an introduction

please consider, in the face of the man who has suddenly adopted a polarizing political nature, my humble third perspective, which has not changed for many years, that this guy does not, will not, never did, and never could -- posses any scientific nor technical knowledge/ability

polarizing yourself like this is a great way to provide a plausible counter-narrative to people favorable to whichever side of the spectrum you chose. "oh, all the naysayers are [the others], they will say anything to harm [us, our cause]"

i don't think people who bought him for the personality he trades on, "reluctant CEO in name only who really is down in the weeds with the engineers or developers" are stupid or gullible, because the theme of this thread is "avoiding polarization and politics to measure reality"

but i certainly used to, and maybe you can understand my perspective. when this extremely famous, influential pretender adopts your field and proceeds with cartoon antics, it creates a lot of confused people [at best] and draws undeserved ire and misconceptions [at worst]

if you are like me, employed in a technical engineering capacity, never haven't been, never won't not be (elusive triple negative), and this behavior continues regardless whether paychecks come in --

someone who, from day one, said "this is my hole, it was made for me", someone who he feels these sorts of behaviors go beyond a profession and into the core of your character -- someone who finds this degree of self description *very cringeworthy* to vocalize...

here are some differences... i don't have an incomprehensible amount of money, nor an incomprehensible amount of debt. i have a regular amount of money and only a little debt

i don't have five, estranged families, i have one, good "forever" family.

i don't "spend alll nights and weekends sleeping under my desk until ...xyz". i sleep in a big bed with my wife

when i see a construction or factory worker, i don't tell him to learn to code. i think maybe i should learn construction

when my behaviors, actions, idiosyncrasies, etc fall characteristically far from the NIST perfectly spherically frictionless standard human mind, it lands in the ADHD/autism/whatever region, not in the PERSONALITY DISORDER region

i am very, very good at what i do, and have done, for decades, and the sum total of that thinking nearly certainly does not include any truly groundbreaking, unheard of, radically innovative "wild new idea",

i don't look at, say, the tunnel boring industry, or the automobile industry, or the field of neuroscience, and say, listen up dumbasses, time to move into the 21st century, we're digging with javascript, we're (not) driving with javascript, we're "going to mars" (???) \

with javascript, and get this -- we're cutting your skull open and putting electronics in there, running guess, what javascr-

i guess that's it, that's all i have to say, stop calling me a tech bro, don't talk to me about "crypto currency", don't talk to me about "radical altruism", don't talk to me about "free speech/the blue hair sjws/the chud boomers/the whatever-whatever".

talk to me about the eagles stunning 10-1 season so far, talk to me about jalen hurts, talk to me about the minutiae of your day, talk to me about drama on web forums from 20 years ago. do not talk to me about "java script". thanks. your friend, ians

oh, i forgot one -- i haven't bought 8 companies and then pretended like founded them. i founded one company, Kremlinware Unlimited LLC, that has never had any assets, employees, partners, etc...\

but makes good letterhead that will get ppl to sell me all sorts of weird things that they wouldn't otherwise sell to an individual. like a bottle of tetramethoxysilane (not drugs) or Very Specific Carbide Face Mill Insert or Weird Chinese Patent Law Infringing IC It Turns Out...

that micron or atmel want like $150 for.