#queer platonic partnerships

[allthebooksandcrannies]

Please reblog to increase my sample size! I've got a fic in the works where this is going to be very relevant and I need answers!

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Now that Buddy Daddies is finished, I’m gonna say it: SPOILERS!

Buddy Daddies really is for the aces, aros, queerplatonic partners, and platonic life partners out there. 

I know, 100%  that there are going to be some people out there that are going to say, “See! It really was just queerbait all along” or some who are going to bemoan the fact that there were no declarations of romantic love or kiss or whatever. I’m sure this part right here:

Miri: “Didn’t you slip out yesterday to go drinking with a girl again?” 

Caused some frowns and I do get it. Because of this, the queerbait and Kazuki and Rei are just friends dialogue will continue and follow the series around. But, this episode has made it clear that Kazuki and Rei love not only Miri, but each other as well.

They are a work partners (相棒 - aibou)

They are partners raising a child together. (相方 - aikata).

They’ve moved (I’m pretty sure their diner is in Okinawa for reasons I’ll get to in another post), they’ve opened a business together, one which has a part of Kazuki’s last name in it (来栖 - Kurusu is his last name, the 栖 (su) part of his name means “nest.”), and Rei’s words to his father: Miri, Kazuki, and I share a bond stronger than blood. 

They are a family. They love each other.

Of course, friends can be a part of a family. Friends can love each other, but there are also reasons why people who are in situations like co-parenting, queerplatonic relationships, platonic life partnerships, and etc. don’t refer to their bonds as friendships and the people they are co-parenting or in a partnership with as their friends, but as words that give some space for those grey areas in-between.

Friendships are strong, deep, and beautiful. Platonic love is love and is powerful.

But, there are definitely still different sets of expectations and boundaries that come with friendships vs. other relationship dynamics. 

Kazuki and Rei’s situation falls outside of the usual friendship expectations and boundaries and sits somewhere between that, family and partnership.

I know this topic has been talked to death about. But, I felt like I needed to write about and address it one final time since Buddy Daddies has come to an end (though, who knows about a potential Daughter Daddies!) Especially after Miri’s line to Kazuki. (I feel I could also go into open relationship dynamics, polyamorous relationships, and etc. but that feels like it would be derailing). 

Basically, I just wanted to get one final post out on this. I was very pleased with this ending episode. It made my heart so happy and warm, and I know I’ve said it before, but this series really speaks to me as someone who is aroace. Aroace characters and our relationship dynamics have basically no rep, so even if this series wasn’t intended to be written with a queerplatonic relationship dynamic in mind, they ended up writing a beautiful depiction of one that makes me and what I would want from a relationship of some kind, finally feel seen.

[raethereptile]

Advocating for palm kissing to be recognised as the highest form of physical intimacy

[secretiveambitions]

One of the best things about being in a QPR with an aro ace is that I can send them all the sexy pictures I want and never have to deal with uncomfortable jokes or situations

[contagious-watermelon]

so have we advocated for QPRs being a known relationship option bc its important that people not be boxed in by preconceived labels and notions, or are we just trying to extend the pressure to get into a committed relationship to aromantic people after they try to escape the bounds of amatonormativity

[autuboho]

Z person: I love you

O person: I love you

Z person: when we will be in a relationship?

O person: wait weren’t our a relationship already?

Z: actually friendship and relationship are two vast things. friendship is an elaboration of a relationship. so our relationship was a foundation of a Relationship.

O: isn’t that counterproductive?

Z: what do you mean?

O: that our relationship weren’t a Relationship?

Z: friendship is not a relationship.

O: makes no sense???? but never mind….why are you even telling me this?

Z: …i suppose you weren’t perceptive enough by relationship I mean being together

O: aren’t we’ve been for a while…. why are you even saying that?

Z: *face palms* by being together i mean being together romantically

O: ?? what do you mean by romantically?

Z: being a couple.

O: what do you mean by being a couple?

Z: being partners.

O: i don’t think romantic is necessary part of our relationship we don’t need romance to be together as long as we’re happy.

Z: then we aren’t a couple. we are just friends.

O: are you telling me in order to be partners we need to be romantic ?

Z: …that’s what a couple is.

O person:

[lizzysthscshipsblog]

QPP Copperrightmin, that is all.

[laomelettedufromage]

Yknow, I love Orufrey and if their relationship develops into an undeniably romantic one, I’ll be the first to be on board, but I also really really enjoy reading their relationship and feelings for each other as completely platonic because as an aroace person… they kinda have what I want tbh (minus, yknow, the angst elephant that’s ch 40)

[dodecademons]

Laudna and Imogen are in a qpr. They are until they say so. But no really please talk and be on the same page in terms of what your relationship is now. We all know but I love that healthy communication

[claratyler]

you can mock bbc sherlock for being ridiculous, cringey and stupid but don't tell me the sign of three doesn't hit

[lilyginnyblackv2]

An Unexpected Comparison of Sorts - Buddy Daddies & Full House

I’ve seen some people make the comparison of Buddy Daddies to Full House (obviously, not for an exact plot match, of course). I’ve seen this pop up once or twice with both Japanese fans and English speaking fans. When you watch a scene like this one from Full House:

You can kinda see why. There are certainly some similarities, specifically in the idea of best friends being apart of each others families and Joey stating that no one’s ever done something like this for him. 

But the dynamics are a bit different. Joey makes it very clear that he came to help out, and within the family dynamic, Joey is always Joey. He’s a part of their family, but also still very clearly a close family friend. He’s never referred to as uncle or dad, because those roles are already filled by blood relations (Jesse and Danny, respectively). 

His role within the Tanner family house is also more along the lines of a babysitter. Danny is still clearly the father and has the most control over the house and authority, Jesse is the uncle and comes in second with authority (his bond with Michelle, the youngest, is the only one that veers more towards paternal instead of just strictly familial), and then there is Joey. He helps out, of course, but he has the least level of actual authority (though he is still meant to be respected).

And the above action from Danny, Jesse, and the girls towards Joey is super sweet, but is also clearly meant to be a way of showing appreciation for the help he has been providing. With Joey, Danny, and Jesse the lines are all made pretty clear on where their roles are and how they fit into the family. Danny’s immediate family is himself and his daughters still, while his extended family includes Jesse (and later his family) and then Joey. That doesn’t mean that Joey isn’t still very important to him, he is, but he does also still exist within more expected boundaries and expectations of friendship, even while being a part of the family. It’s still a very platonic friendship based love.

There is a level of progressiveness to this dynamic in Full House, even still today. There have also been other shows that have shown a level of co-parenting (like Sister, Sister), but even in those shows a parent-child bond is usually always pre-established and while some do include romance (like Sister, Sister, iirc) they still also fell into heteronormative depictions of families (a man and a woman getting together via co-parenting, etc.).

With Kazuki and Rei, we have Kazuki helping out Rei because he just had to. It was something instinctual with him, and it wasn’t to show thanks or appreciation. It was just something done from a pure want to care for someone:

Towards the end of the series, we also see the way the two will be splitting up housework and I’m sure that later extended towards discipline and other aspects of caring for Miri. Both of them are her papas, etc.

I know I said I wouldn’t write about these two again, lol. But I think comparing what we see depicted between Kazuki and Rei to other shows that have some element of blended family, co-parenting, and friends raising kids together, you can sense a bit of a difference between those situations and the one being depicted between Kazuki and Rei.

I don’t think that the series intentionally depicted Kazuki and Rei as a queerplatonic relationship. I think that was likely accidental. But I do think that they just wanted to depict a family that wasn’t bound by blood. And what we got was something that just ended up looking like a queerplatonic relationship or platonic life partners - a relationship dynamic that has been getting more and more popular in Japan in recent years (I’ll link to some articles below about that). 

With a show like Full House, yes, they are a family, but there are also clearly defined roles that all of the characters fit into. With Joey, the only non-blood or marriage related member, still fitting the best friend role. He was a member coming into an already pre-existing family. 

Buddy Daddies has Kazuki and Rei existing within less defined roles and in a grey space between, and building their own family together. It’s a bit different. More like a queerplatonic based love.

[guardian-angle22]

… still thinking about how Iris suggesting an annulment is really lovely in theory, but is actually completely not applicable to this situation. why does this show insist on forcing me to suspend logic and/or all legal knowledge I posses??

[icarusdiesatdawn]

"Hey, he's my partner. He comes with me."

SCREAMING, ACTUALLY

[nanzyn]

when you try to write a close, platonic relationship that includes a conversation about their relationship to one another and a deep partnership built on companionship but you know people are going to read it into a romantic relationship bc they want to turn every close male-male interaction into a romantic relationship

[dick-grayson-and-above]

I hate the way that being young and ‘single’ is framed as building your life or learning to love yourself to create the foundation to finding a life partner.

Like how being single is just a prelude to your wife/husband. Why does everything just lead back to heteronormative standards of happiness in that working on yourself is inherently for romantic gain?

[buckyeagan]

Tried talking about the fact that I have a qpp to my closest (in person) friend today just for her to stare at me and not really say anything🙃