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shatterthefragments · 13 days

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hi! 💜 i'm intrigued by the Nazareth trans allegory comic [sleep token] from your wip list, if you'd like to share some thoughts about it. have a lovely day! 🌻

🫂💖💖💖💖💖 Ok ok SO!!! Nazareth Trans Allegory comic!!!

RAMBLING ON AHEAD!!!!!!!!

There’s. This is what was in my notes app so far so this is the entirety of the wip basically bc I hadn’t externalized this until I actually started to write an answer for this!!! 🫂

(Brought to you by me listening to Nazareth on repeat last week and a bit into this one so far it is number 1 on my on repeat atm and questioning if I really *have to* put off/forget about gender affirming care Despite The Horrors (bloodwork and surgery) after all I was able to get tattooed and it didn’t even put me in a dissociative tailspin.. if I get to a place I can Get Out of this house (with all my stuff))

^this is presumably from May when I started writing this out. But as of September 11 2024, Nazareth is still number 5 on my on repeat playlist as I mull this over in my head like a rotisserie chicken.

Um. I guess cw for transphobia

And also brought to you by me starting to type:

This is probably nothing but “let’s fuck her up” referring to the girl that

(They all think you are)

And then Promptly abandoning it to go NAZARETH TRANS ALLEGORY.

While I do question my ability to pull it off I am throwing myself off the cliff of “I must make perfect art” and diving into the waters of “if it brings joy or catharsis it is ALL PERFECT” and it’s better to try and to learn as I go than to worry and not create anything at all.

This would be. A short comic. Not like. Not like a book comic or anything.

Will absolutely feature calligraphy bc I’m a sucker and love it 😘(also I’m out of practice and have to reference the alphabets way more than I used to so I want to practice also anything that uses that much black gets assigned calligraphy in my head 😘)

Also unsure of how closely it follows what I’m rambling about here and what I’m actually capable of depicting but HERE WE GO (not sure how coherent I just type things)

But primarily it follows the song and its lyrics and the emotions (?)

TWINKLIEST BITS ARE BEING EQUATED TO FINDING YOUR CHOSEN FAMILY OKAY!!!!!!

And ALSO the jubilation in BECOMING in changing your life to be how you are and finding the joy in living again

So The Wrath. In this. I haven’t fully decided how many interpretations I’m giving it. But it is definitely representing transphobia, particularly from birth families and the people we’re close with.

I’ll see you when the wrath comes.

I’ll see you when you come running to your chosen family (the “I” here) being welcomed in and safe from the wrath touching you.

“Knocking on your bedroom door with money” I mean fuck. Transition related stuff is so expensive 😭 even though I have universal healthcare it’s. Expensive. Even just the binders I have from when I bound on a regular basis were pretty expensive. Makeup to do masculinizing makeup would be expensive (I don’t have or wear makeup (my obsession with dark red lipstick and other fun colours notwithstanding) let alone have the skill currently to do that)

“Building you a kingdom” finally being the king of your own world rather than a subject subjected to so many unspoken rules that just bind you to unhappiness and obligation is what comes to mind at first but honestly I’m not entirely sure what to do for the next line

“Dripping from the open mouth, I’ll show you / what you look like, from the inside” like. I have vague images floating around in my head that I’m not sure how to articulate atm.

Hollow point. You know. Like the syringe used to draw up testosterone from the vial. To a naked body/booty (look. I know that the thigh is just fine as an injection site but I did watch love lies bleeding thanks to @ongreenergrasses so it is in the mind) (yes,, even still…)

Now on one hand. The pronouns are she/her used in the lyrics.

But ALSO could be interpreted as the rest of everyone seeing him/them as her still and refusing to acknowledge their/his identity (undecided on whether anyone else knows in this comic or even how I’d storyboard that)

Also. I won’t be missing you in mirror

They won’t be missing you the pitchfork crowd

So I would be going with the transmasc version bc it’s more related to me and my experiences and how I see things

(Aside from like the one week back in high school where after so long as a boy I was a girl and I was fully like freaking out and wondering how I’d transition before like. It occurred to me. Anyway that didn’t last long and was the quickest gender switch I’ve experienced (I generally say if I am indeed gender fluid then the fluid is a slow moving lava consuming all in its path) and I hovered (and still kinda continue to hover) somewhere in the realm of nonbinary transmasc demiboy or something I’m not thinking too hard about the labels I just want to be comfortable and as happy as possible)

BUT ALSO 👀

Transfem Nazareth

Fuck her up - fuck up the woman you’re expected to be by everyone else.

Hollow point… unfortunately I can’t help but think of the disproportionate rates of violence against trans women and particularly trans women of colour.

#asks #ask and you shall receive #THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE #I still mull this over and I still think about this #and there’s other stuff I have to prioritize but I do want to make this and I really hope I get to!!!#song Nazareth #sleep token #Nazareth #Nazareth trans allegory #Nazareth trans allegory comic #shatters creates #shatters wips

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kindsoulbuddy · 28 days

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The thing about praise and worship music at church is that

It’s catchy

Repetitive simple lyrics

It’s played on repeat every Sunday

So even though I’ve been deconstructing for years from evangelicalism, most days praise and worship music from my youth plays in my head.

So every once in a while I’ll sing to myself something joyful like “I got peace like a river I got peace like a river I got peace like a river in my soul!” 🎶

Or maybe “ Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere!” 🎶

Or maybe something peaceful like “As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after Thee…”🎶

Mostly it doesn’t bother me.

But then 90s/Y2K Christian pop music gets stuck in my head.

Like sometimes Rebecca St. James lyrics go through my head like this one glorifying purity culture:

“I am waiting for, praying for you darling! Wait for me too, wait for me as I wait for you! Darling Wait!”

Or you know just songs from DC Talk..

“What if I stumble, what if I fall? What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?”

“There’s no time to change your mind, the Son has come and you’ve been left behind.”

I think about the awful Rapture Anxiety I had for years and years…

And then i think about being in youth group and yes the fun times but also the moments when we had alter calls.

And the crying and sobbing. The speaking in tongues. The teenagers falling on their faces.

The sensationalized, sometimes violent “Human Videos” (just look up human videos on YouTube there are many).

Teens vowing to die for Christ.

When the Columbine shooting happened all we heard about were the apocryphal stories of students being martyred for Jesus.

I wondered “will a shooter come into our church today and ask us to deny Christ or be shot? What will I do if that happens??”

And what if I lose my salvation just because I had doubts? And what if I get possessed by a demon?

Not to mention purity culture and what it does to a young girl. (All kids suffered but we girls had to be modest and never cause any man to stumble by looking at our shoulder or something)

Abstinence class and signing a pledge to remain a pure virgin until my wedding night.

All the teenagers in every youth group were running around with raging hormones and couldn’t do anything about it. So a lot of us got married quickly. (I was engaged at 19, married at 21).

I mean I’m not even getting into young earth creationism or anti-gay rhetoric or pro life marches, etc..

But you can see that so much of my life (as good as it was for the most part, I was fortunate)was fear based?

And the thing is most of the people (congregation, I can’t speak for all the pastors and church leaders) at church didn’t mean for it to happen that way.

See, I was taught that there is freedom in Christianity. But why didn’t I feel free? That must mean my faith is weak, right?

It’s just so exhausting.

And I went to church regularly for my first 33 years of life. I volunteered, I taught Sunday school classes. I was trying to do it the right way.

Then Covid 19 happened.

I was forced to stop going to church for the first time in my life.

And honestly for years before this I was deconstructing. What really sped this process along was a certain Orange president and his very un-Christianlike followers.

And like Paul in the book of Acts, the scales fell off my eyes. I was blind but now could see. Really see.

The way my Christian peers were acting. The way they refused vaccines and even wearing masks. The cult-like behavior toward Donald Trump. The Christian nationalists.

And after a few months of no church…I realized I didn’t miss it.

After 2020, my deconstruction days really took off. I still don’t go to church (outside of a few weeks trying a gay-affirming congregation).

I used to compulsively pray.

And for hours i would pore over the scriptures trying to glean special meaning. Taking copious notes deep into the night.

(have OCD and I now realize that this brand of religion made my OCD symptoms so much worse.)

But it’s weird…

I have religious trauma. I’m learning about how I was literally in a cult. I’m still trying to unlearn stuff. I still get fearful sometimes about “what if I’m wrong?”.

But I still have good memories of growing up in church. Just like how I still sing old church songs in my head.

I’ve been to many churches, but I grew up in a small country church. I knew it like the back of my hand. It’s how I met some of my best friends and in turn, it’s how I met my husband of 17 years.

I can’t say I regret it. Like anything in life it’s complicated and complex.

I miss the social aspect of church too. I’ve never found another social space like it. I’ve tried! I can’t figure out any other “3rd place” that resembles it.

I’m not sure why i wrote so much down except to say i know a lot of people understand where I’m coming from.

In the meantime, I like to go on r/fundiesnarkuncensored, also i watch Fundie Fridays on YouTube…and I do quite a bit of reading on the subject of others who left the church. Recently I just read Tia Levings’ new book “the Well Trained Wife.”

I’m more at peace about it.

But I think my complex feelings and even some doubts will follow me forever.

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adviceformefromme · 1 year

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hey, so mine is kinda wild. i've struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and bullying for like three years. last summer it reached a climax to the point that i attempted, but i looked at my life and decided "this is a hellhole, i need to get my shit together." so i'm trying, i've started working harder to get my grades better, i've cut off all of my toxic friends and made new ones, i'm working to get my dreams to come true, and life is better than its ever been.

but to be honest, it's still hard. there are some times where i just wanna give up completely. toss everything out of a window, bury myself in blankets, fall asleep, and never get up. i hate feeling this way while i'm trying to fix myself. can you help me?

Thank you for your honesty in sharing this! Some tips that come to mind:

Look at what triggers you to want to give up, to bury yourself? Slowly but surely start working on those triggers.. for example if you're giving too much of yourself away to men who don't value you, and you wind up feeling worthless, look at the behaviour that got you into the position. The trigger will show you where your deeper wounds are and from there you can start deeper healing.

Re-programme your subconcious mind with a voice recording that you play before bed. You want to record your own voice on your voice recorder on your phone, repeating a few simple affirmations that help and heal you, for example 'I am creating a beautiful life for myself, I love myself, i am worthy, I am worthy of living my dreams, i am worthy of love, i feel so much love from the universe, from the people in my life, i am grateful for this life, i am grateful for all the love around me' you want to record yourself for around 3-5 mins and play if before bed and as you wake up. The subconscious mind loves repetition.

Take inventory of the music you listen to, the external factors that affect your energy, and some adjusting. In my early 20s i suffered with terrible anxiety and depression and I was listening to the most depressing music on repeat. This was completely affecting my energy. Try binaural beats, or frequency healing music, sound healing on youtube, or any feel good music with UPLIFTING lyrics to make you feel good.

Move your body, keep the energy flowing. Depression and anxiety love a stagnant body, but when the energy is flowing it has a difficult time to exsist.

Something I heard once is that negative thoughts are just energies, they exist and they look for places to latch themselves and live within us. This helped me understand that feeling worried, stressed, depressed, was not who i was. They are just feelings that exisit and the more we give them attention the more they can exist within us. Have you ever noticed that when you get distracted your anxiety can go but then when you think about it, it returns like magic. This isn't about wrestling your negative thoughts, it just means taking a deep breath, and focusing on who you want to be. A vision board that is your wildest dreams is a great way to remember your purpose and move away from darker thoughts.

Read fiction. I can't recommend this enough, for a little escapism from the world, something that brings you joy, detaches you from the screen, and reconnects your heart to a story out of your current world.

Find a support system. There will be a number of authors, bloggers, youtubers who speak to your soul on your healing journey, go find them and relish in their message. There are people available to help you. Angels on earth everywhere, specifically picked to help you. Once you start finding healers and a message that pulls you out of your darkness you are halfway there.

I hope these help! Inbox is always open for extra support xoxoxox

#manifesting #levelup #levelupjourney #manifestyourreality #healwounds #heal #healingtrauma #dreamlife levelup masteryourlife mastery lao lawofattraction manifesting hypergamy visualise visionboard attraction #depression

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extraordinaryhistories · 4 months

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#5 – 'Demetrius' (A Sun Came, 1998)

In this project, I have generally attempted to keep my expression of personal, subjective opinions on Sufjan’s music well within reason. A quick glance at any relevant online message-board would show that there is a wide diversity of opinion around his discography; some people love certain songs I dislike and dislike certain songs I love. I never wanted my writing to be totally prescriptive. The point was to explore the story of Sufjan – what do his music, his lyrics, the trajectory of his albums tell us about themselves, and about his trajectory as an artist? Every song is to be appreciated on its own terms. The wretched ‘I’ would only be a secondary consideration, included to add some colour here, some light there. Certainly I would be pleased to express my particular admiration for a song – and this is Sufjan, so I really do admire most of them.

With ‘Demetrius’, I fear I cannot help myself. This song is my least favourite Sufjan Stevens song. It is horrible. Utterly horrible.

The most credit I can give to ‘Demetrius’ is that it is certainly aware of its own horribleness, and actively leans into it. The implicit sardonicism of so much of A Sun Came is at an absolute nadir here. This song wants to be ugly and it achieves its aim. But unlike a song like ‘Satan’s Saxophones’, ‘Rice Pudding’ or even the much-later ‘Saturn’, it is not particularly noisy or dense, and so there is very little catharsis to be found in its leaden, dissonant guitar riff, its tremolo-laden backing vocals, its intentionally jarring solo. It even features an attempt at a conventional vocal melody that might have been served decently with a different accompaniment. ‘Demetrius’ is so blatantly unmusical, and yet it just sort of... washes over you. A song like this should punch, but instead it just shrugs – it is a sloppy, humid wet blanket of a thing that without fail makes my skin crawl. You don’t feel battered by it; you just feel violated.

Of note is that ‘Demetrius’ is really two songs combined into a single unit. There’s the slacker rock first half, and then there’s the second half, probably the single most offensive thing to ever make it on a Sufjan album, an inauthentic pastiche of Arabic folk music written and performed – terribly – by a Caucasian man from upstate Michigan. Now, listen. I do not want to feign outrage. I am aware that the female singer in this part, Ghadeer Yasser, has Arabic heritage; it clearly had her blessing and her input. The intent is in the right place. This does not change the fact that it is a terribly arranged piece of music (to my ears), a section that gives an abysmal impression of Arabic music to the inexperienced listener. Arabic folk music is some of the most spiritual, grand, soul-affirming music you will ever hear (listen to Fairuz, or Umm Kulthum, and bask in its splendour.) ‘Demetrius’ is not that. The woodwind line, repeating incessantly across the Arabic section, might be the most annoying melody that Sufjan has ever committed to tape, and the half-hearted rock interjections – a burst of feedback here, a clumsy drum fill there – only worsen things. When the song finally crashes into a wall of organ and cymbal noise, there is no sentiment left to feel but relief. Tetelestai!

Lyrically, ‘Demetrius’ is more surreal, indistinct Greco-Romanry on an album full of it. There are references to an archer and to Bactrian kings, but it never forms into coherent narrative, and the second verse is more concerned with forcing improbable rhymes than anything compelling. The point being that there is very little in ‘Demetrius’ to properly latch on to. You will not find anything in the music, and you certainly will not find anything in the lyrics. I hear a song like ‘Demetrius’ and all I think is ‘...why?’ Why was this necessary? What does it bring into the world? I suppose the natural rejoinder is ‘why not?’ But I have never heard a Sufjan song that fails to justify its own existence quite like this one. If you enjoy liquorice, waterboarding, waiting rooms, Mrs. Brown’s Boys or getting stabbed repeatedly in the face, this is the song for you.

#music #sufjan stevens #folk music #sufjan #arabic folk music #arabic music #fuck #pain #why do i even do this

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braceletofteeth · 1 year

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🎶✨when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. then, send this ask/tag 10 of your favourite followers✨️🎶

tagged by @leporschespam 🥰 Thanks!! <3

(I had to go and take a look at the Most Played on my music player, then I took note from the ones I know I actually listen a lot)

Me and My Husband by Mitski

A few months ago I was taking a quiz, as you do, and, in one of those infamous song lyrics questions, there it was. That's not where I found the song, though! (it happened long before that). I'm telling you about this specific moment because, in the quiz, it was classified as a song about codependency, and when I read that I was like “Yeah. Pfff. Alright.”, you know, incredulous, but then... I started thinking about all the ships I relate to it... And, as you can imagine, I went from oh to oh very quick.

Use Me (Original ver.) by PVRIS

The new version with a rap part is good too. Not very necessary, but good.

PVRIS is one of those rare bands I vibe with many songs, instead of just few and far in between.

I ALSO REALLY WANT TO EDIT VEGASPETE WITH THIS ONE BUT I NEVER GET AROUND TO DO IT 😭

Sad Girl by Lana del Rey

I used to think the lyrics said 'He's got the fire, and he talks with flames'. It sounded really cool in my head.

Choreomania (Live At Madison Square Gardens) by Florence + The Machine

The studio version is ok BUT THE LIVE VERSION IS EVERYTHING. I love dancing and being dramatic to the sound of Florence songs.

Also, I was today years old when I finally learned how to spell the title of this one (and what it actually means) 🤡

Baby Came Home by The Neighbourhood

What I like the most about this song is that it's tranquil, relaxed; beach vibes, even. Till you get to the bridge, and then you can't help but scream at the top of your lungs.

That's also a Moonjo/Jongwoo song!! I go completely feral every time someone edits them with it.

+ Bonus! New song I've had on repeat lately:

Bells in Santa Fe by Halsey

The first time I heard it was in the new season of YOU, but back then I didn't care enough to go looking for it myself. However, everything worked out just fine, because a week later I found it again—in the playlist of a KinnPorsche fic, of all things.

The reason why I'm listening to it so much at the moment is, Idk, maybe because I'm under stress, and the chorus feels like a daily affirmation/mantra thing...?

Halsey: All of this is temporary.

Me: Yeah I sure fucking hope so lol

—

I'm supposed to tag 10 of my favorite followers, so, let me see... I'll tag some blogs I see in my notes often, but I may not have interacted with directly yet:

@arson-is-lit @wholesometoad34 @notsocharmy @anamaycrystal @technicallyausername @phant0m-l0rd @knifeyrat @thealmightyawesomegay-blog @blue-ladoo @mayablackwolf

I haven't spoken to most of you before. I don't know if you like games, or to be tagged in said games, and, to be honest, one by one, I feel like this invitation will most likely be politely refused, for one reason or another. Doesn't matter. I may never know what kind of music you're into, but I know about other stuff that you like. And you know about stuff that I like, too.

Both to know and to be known feel nice, and good enough. Thank you for being around. 💚

#tag game #from this list alone you can TELL my head is full of fandom/blorbo thoughts 24/7 #sorry. can't do anything about that 😔#//#guys if you hear me being overdramatic this week please understand that I caught a cold and it does that to people #I really want to reblog stuff but my head is mostly static and I don't have the energy to write coherent tags right now #so I'm saving all your amazing posts/reblogs for when I'm feeling better :')

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malapkv · 1 year

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Urudhi

This earworm has been on loop from the time it was released this afternoon- Yes kudos to the global brand and all the people behind it-But to a subset of the population who call ourselves the Sanjay Subrahmanyan fans, he is the centre and around him revolves everything else which includes “ sometimes” our lives ..

Going straight to the point, my first reaction to the video was jubilance- seeing him in a full length Coke Studio video and the fact that his individuality was so beautifully maintained throughout.

Then slowly as I kept playing it and listening to the lyrics, I had uncontrollable tears as I realized that this song had many layers of depth. Of course, the description already says that this is about faith.

Faith can exist at different levels. நீ இன்றி வேறேது உறுதி may be left to individual interpretations.

For someone like me who is right now suffering separation pangs from Chennai as a city, Chennai is my comfort, Chennai is my unfailing truth….almost like an individual comforting me from a distance and waiting to embrace me back into her fortress..

At a soul level I have been addicted to the music called Carnatic music almost my entire life, what this form of music does to me just cannot be described in words, and this music is often my “go to “music for all moods and all phases of life…

Listening therefore to a Surutti in Sanjay Subrahmanyan’s voice, his unique vocal style and phrasing, the veena and all the supporting musicians was an affirmation of all my faith in all the good that life has to offer..through the magic called music.

With so many changes in places, scenes, so many quick transformations, so many shocks and surprises to adapt to in the last few years, nothing was more stable than music…

And of course, at a spiritual level, my innate trust in the Divine- as a devotee-To me music and devotion are most of the times intertwined. The fact that such beautiful music with all its raagas exists is proof that the Supreme Power exists. Well, atleast to me.

And finally, like I have repeated myself to the point of no return, for people like us who cherish the Sanjay concert experience, and for him unfailingly providing that experience in offline and online forms -And not diluting that even one bit even in this video …

Honestly, Sanjay Subrahmanyan sir, “ நீங்கள் இன்றி எங்களுக்கெல்லாம் வேறேது உறுதி?”

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the-bangtext-is-rich · 2 years

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Philosopher Kim Namjoon: On Staying and Praying

Written by J.

As I have been re-listening to my favorite moody BTS songs this week, as one does, I noticed RM uses the rhyme "stay - pray" in two songs: everythingoes and Louder than Bombs. These lines really speak to me, and in fact represent a deeply comforting life philosophy imo. Let’s look into it.

Louder than Bombs

I absolutely ADORE all the low, haunting, and yet also comforting (at least when it comes to Namjoon's and Hobi's) raps in Louder than Bombs (from Map of the Soul 7, released 21 February 2020). This is where I first noticed Namjoon's rhyme:

Here I stay, pray

Just for better days

Every day a maze

Wonder if this is my place.

These four lines come at the end of Namjoon's rap and have a different flow than the first part of his rap. For this reason, these lines form their own separate "mini-unit." (Clearly have no idea of technical terms here. Just following my ear and my heart.)

I have committed these lines to memory and seriously repeat them to myself to keep a hold onto sanity at least once every few days. What I love about them:

The meaning: Life is difficult to navigate and we may be full of doubts, and at the same time we stay. Out of hope for better days. We pray. Maybe not in a religious way, but in a way that is out of faith for life itself. We keep on going through the maze of life, holding onto faith that better days will come. (Hobi’s rap, which immediately follows Namjoon’s, goes on in a similar vein, saying not to be afraid of darkness and proclaiming to not give up no matter the darkness.)

Namjoon's low, almost whisper-like voice.

All the rhymes : "stay," "pray," "days," "day," "maze," "place." "Stay" and "day" are on the first and third lines, and they are in the middle of the line. The others are all at the end of the line. Love the symmetry of it all.

The reference to "Two! Three!", the subtitle of which is "Still Wishing There Will Be Better Days."

everythingoes

The "stay - pray" rhyme in everythingoes (from mono, released 23 October 2018) has similar energy.

(Lyrics from Dool Set Bangtan)

Here we have "pray," "stay," and "every day" again.

Namjoon seems to be praying for being a better person rather than for better days. Very relatable too.

"And every day I stay" hits hard and true. I too, Namjoon, stay every day. No matter how impossible I sometimes think it is to get to the end of the week or even day. I stay. This line is a testament to our strength to make it through life, day by day and every day. And why stay? Because everything goes, hard times will have their end as well. This too shall pass. Very comforting.

He says these lines with a lot of energy and conviction, in typical RM style. Quite a different vibe to his rap in Louder than Bombs, which is softer, quieter, more desperate.

In both cases, I find the lines comforting and life-affirming. They're all about acknowledging struggles and still keeping going on because of our faith in ourselves and in life. It’s a message that really speaks to me, and, I would imagine, many others.

Bonus: Monterlude

Both times, the "pray - stay" lines are rapped in English. This got me curious, so I poked around on Google a bit.

Fun fact: turns out Namjoon already used the "pray - stay" rhyme in Monterlude, a soundcloud release from January 17, 2014. The song uses the same beat as "Interlude" from 2 Cool 4 Skool and, in School Trilogy fashion, is about love in school:

I'll pray, I'll stay, yeah

You make me this way

Girl, you make me say

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

These are the last lines of the first verse. Notice the rhymes again: “pray,” “stay,” “way,” and “say.” Gotta say they’re not exactly transcending lyrics, although they do crack me up! It's also interesting to find RM using the "pray - stay" rhyme as far back as 2014.

Ok, that's it for today's thoughts on Namjoon being the greatest philosopher of our times. Keep on staying and praying, dear army reader.

#namjoon the greatest philosopher of our times #going off on bts lyrics #rm #namjoon #kim namjoon #louder than bombs #everythingoes #bts #mono #map of the soul 7 #mots7 #bts lyrics #namjoon lyrics #rm lyrics #army academic #philosopher kim namjoon #lyrics analysis #bts analysis

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4rdcorners · 3 years

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BELIEF, DO YOU NEED IT?

my thoughts:

you don't need belief. to start off, thinking that you need belief to manifest it very limiting. it helps of course, but it’s limiting. it doesn’t change how fast your manifestation comes or “if” it comes. it’s all up to YOU. belief also ties in with your self concept, if you believe your self concept, that will help a lot. is it needed? no.

from my experiences and observations, i’m gonna be honest, manifesting is really only persisting. think about it.

people do SATs every night on repeat, they’re persisting in whatever they’re visualizing. people visualize often, they persist in what they’re visualizing. there are so many different techniques and so many different ways people manifest, you know why they get their desire? because they persist in it. this is the exact reason why people can manifest with music, they’re persisting in whatever the song is stating. when they’re persisting they don’t go back to the “old story” because they can’t change the lyrics of the song. it’s always what the song’s lyrics is being persisted in.

you see tons of people still manifest with “resistance” only because they persisted in whatever technique they liked. the technique itself doesn’t bring you your desire, that’s why i don’t believe people when they say “this doesn’t work for me”. it’s okay to not like a technique, but they all work equally, because they do no work for you:) it doesn’t matter if you have “resistance” or “negative thoughts”. it does not fucking matter. what matters is that you persist in that new state of receiving. when you manifested bad things into your life did you need a “perfect” affirmation or technique? no! you didn’t ;).

you don’t need to believe: your techniques nor believe that your manifestation is happening before your very eyes. most of all, you don’t have to believe you already have your desire.

for example

“I manifested my soulmate less than 6 months after a terrible break up.

I would talk to her in my mind everyday when I was bored, just telling her about my day and about myself.”

you see ? all it is, is persisting. you’re persisting in the NEW STORY. when you persist in the OLD STORY, you will see no changes because you’re not allowing the new story to blossom.

you don’t have to convince yourself that your desire is coming/happening right now. you don’t even need to act like you have your desire now, just persist in the desire. you set the intention, then your subconscious is sweating her ass off to bring you your desire, she takes NO breaks when you want something.

how do i persist?

well, think about what you want. persist in the new story, you can even use a technique if you like, that’s it! just keep persisting in that new story until it shows in your 3D. when you’re persisting, persist in the fact negative thoughts do not manifest. this is why i stress self concept & setting manifestation rules for yourself heavily. but is it necessary? nope!

as long as you start to let go of that old story and persist in the new, you will receive. stay in a 51/49 state.; meaning 51% of the time you persist in the new story and 49% of the time you’re persisting in the old story. but, you see you still persist in the new story more? that will manifest! whatever you give your energy into.

just do not accept the old and claim the new, that’s it. know it will come.

so how do instant manifestations work?

personally, i believe instant manifestations require belief. these tend to make people more anxious and worry about the “what if’s”. if your persisting in the old story outweighs your persisting in the new story, then you should definitely work on your self concept. its pretty much just entering the new state of the new story and not accepting that old story.

my experiences with it:

at the start of my career, i really didn’t believe in myself nor my talents. i didn’t think i was good enough nor did i think i would get gigs. there was this huge project that i wanted to be on that would boost my career. of course, i did not believe i would get it or did i even have the talent for it. but you know what i did? every time i thought about it or stressed on it, i just persisted that i would get it. i didn’t believe it, it felt like when you got told a story as a kid. but, not even three days later i got selected for it:). i’ve used this tactic for my ideal body and my friendships.

i’m currently applying this to manifest my ideal partner:).

so, do i believe you need belief to manifest? nope. but, you do need to persist.

#loa #law of asssumption #neville goddard #self concept #joseph murphy #law of attraction #affirmations #manifestation #law of abundance #manifestyourreality #manifestingreality #manifest #witch #witchy #witchblr #witch community #witchcraft

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spider-boy1989 · 3 years

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Tiktok revenge

George had just finished his work out at the gym when he accidentally bumped into some kid recording something on his phone. His post-workout shaker spilled everywhere, including on him and the boy. “What the hell, you fucking dumbass!” George screamed. The kid put up his hands defensively

“Woah dude. My bad!! I was making a tiktok...can I get your dry cleaning or something, bro?” He gave a sheepish grin. George was fuming.

“No! You fucking idiot influencer!!” The kids face got a bit more serious at this point.

“Look, sir. Let me actually introduce myself...Name’s mason. I’m doing my best to be respectful and helpful. I just like making stupid internet videos, I’m not some vapid narcissist...everyone on social media isn’t the same person.” He extended his hand to shake George’s.

George rolled his eyes and snickered. “Yeah right, I’ve seen your type. The cringe lip syncing, the dumb dances. You’re what’s wrong with the world.” The kid was a bit more taken aback this time. He was trying to be fucking nice to this loser. Well, no matter. He knew how to deal with this guy. He smiled a rather devious smile and said. “I have access to the hot tub and steam room. Would you be interested in either? I just wanna make this up to you, bro.” He held out a key card that would allow him into those areas.George heaved a dramatic, exasperated sigh.

“Fine. Whatever. This and pay for my dry cleaning if you fucking insist on this fake “be kind” persona...” he snatched the key card from Mason. He chose the steam room first; he was alone in the room which seemed odd. Was it really that exclusive? He heard an oddly relaxing music, and he couldn’t help but sit down, clothes and all. He swore he could hear words faintly. But he liked whatever they were.

“Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Listen to my words and obey”

Weird lyrics, but he found himself listening more intently. As he began to feel the steam relax his body more and more.

“You are a dumb tiktoker. You are a dumb tiktoker. You love doing tiktok dances and you don’t care if people think what you’re doing is cringey. You love lip syncing to songs and trying to be cute to girls.”

George muttered to himself, repeating the words he heard. Almost like he was singing along. But then he started to notice just what the words were. He shook himself a bit and got up from the seat, going to open the door. It was locked.

“Nice try, asshole. I’m not quite done with you yet. Sleep.” He heard mason’s voice. But it was wrong. Distorted. He felt himself drifting off. He then felt himself trapped in his mind, listening passively to the lyrics of the song...was it a song? He didn’t know. He just wanted to obey now.

“Good job, kiddo. Knew you had it in you to listen to your big bro.” He heard mason chuckled. He found himself chuckling too.

“You can speak now. Tell me how that made you feel.”

“Proud.” George said, beginning to drool a bit.

“I see. You like making your older brother proud then?”

“Yeah, mase!” He nodded.

“I’m glad. Llsten to this song again.”

“Ok bro. “

The song began to play again.

“You love tiktok. You love tiktok and impressing girls. You’re dumb. You’re love how cute you are and you wanna be famous. You love tiktok. You wanna get famous on tiktok.” He found himself “singing along” despite the song not even rhyming. Stupid. But it was catchy, so whatever, right? He lost track of time when the door opened, and there was his big brother, mason. He had a change of clothes in his hands.

“Dude! I was getting worried about you, Gavin. I was texting mom and dad I lost you in the gym!” He yanked his brothers hand.

“Uh. Sorry. Stuff got kinda fuzzy in here and then I fell asleep.

He grinned sheepishly, showing off the braces that mason, who had already slipped in to give him iuniore drug, and make his hair a bit more more presentable for his new life along with those braces.

“It’s okay, Gav, you dummy.” He patted his back, handing him a black zip up hoodie and his backpack...Or he assumed it must be at least. Why would his brother bring him anyone else’s hoodie or backpack? He was such an airhead.

He took them, putting them on in a little privacy stall where his brother couldn’t see and followed him out after finishing. He drove them back home, and he felt like he couldn’t recognize the way there at all.

‘Had he driven in this car here? How had he got to the gym?’ He found himself answering his own question eternally

‘Duh, dumbass. Your bro takes you to the gym all the time.’ He grinned to himself, feeling an intense dopamine rush at his affirmation on his stupidity. They got home, and he was met at the door by a boy with curly blonde hair who sort of looked like him. His fraternal twin, Grayson...Or at least that’s what he told himself, and again, felt the rush of happy, dumb feeling chemicals in his brain. Grayson guided his brother to their shared room,

“Dude! I got an idea for a tiktok you gotta do it with me!” Gavin grinned. He loved tiktok. He loved cute girls. More brain chemicals rushing in. The two brothers smirked and made a tiktok, lip syncing to a song and mugging for the camera.

A bit later, after the two boys had got ready for bed and were playing PS5, mason was dying laughing in the living room watching back the stupid tiktok his new brothers had made. Gavin was the perfect fit for his new twin. Grayson was, at one point, Mason’s college professor who hadn’t been understanding of Mason’s needs since he had started acting in a new show. Certainly took care of the problem, since he got him to sign his report card with an A before he’d slipped the Iuniore to him. He loved the sweet irony of Gavin and Grayson becoming everything they hated.

#ar caption #hypnosis #TF story #mental TF #personality change #dumber

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ranboo5 · 3 years

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Dropping the Ranboo mixtape

Anyway at time of starting to write this post I had two likes and two affirmative replies, which is Good Enough For Me, so here I am :D I was gonna link the YT but on second thought my YT channel is a mess so this is gonna be one of the annoying ones that doesn’t link to one you can actually listen to but

This is also a running list and currently organized roughly by increasingly hotter takes and it’s under a cut bc it’s 13 songs and I justified all of them

Everybody Likes You (Lemon Demon) - LISTEN THE ANIMATION MEMES WEREN’T LYING THAT EVERYBODY LIKES YOU CAN RANBOOCORE. The increasingly distorted, incredibly bright repetition of EVERYBODY LIKES YOU EVERYBODY LIKES YOU EVERYBODY LIKES YOU until you can hear it morphing in and out of EVERYBODY LIED TO YOU? Tell Me That’s Not Him In The Spiral Depths

Tall (Naps the Block on YT) - This is a) literally a theme for the End, b) sounds stumbling and anxious/high-strung, and c) echoes the Pigstep melody in the middle while still very much doing its own thing this is self explanatory

Dance of Thorns/Old Secret mashup (Tensei and James Roach respectively, feat. woodfur00 on YT) (yes this is Homestuck music) - It’s just the vibes. The energy. The way the elegance of the violin lines of Dance of Thorns sounds almost nervous especially against the almost noir mystery vibes of Old Secret, and the guitar lines of Dance of Thorns add like. Initiative/urgency especially when they underlay the other music it’s so good I don’t think either song alone is Ranboo vibes but this remix definitely is. Just the mix of perseverance and desperation and melancholy and mystery and Class

Touch-Tone Telephone (Lemon Demon) - This one is old news but tbh it just works. Man decides he’s the correct one in this situation and he’s losing his entire mind that no one is listening to him because he just is not

2012 (Will Wood) - This one isn’t really clever it’s just about memory loss, derealization, identity, and often self-hatred (“A miserable fuck, but a loud Tao mystical” is a lot). “Did you lose yourself?/It’s always in the last place that you check” sounds so mocking in ways internal monologues like Droice have been and “I might find myself/By retracing my steps” is literally just Ranboo dealing with the Enderwalk; “And not until lobotomy abolished my monotony/Did I applaud autonomy, and modify a lot of me!” works so much for him Dealing With Himself generally, and also “I heard the world would turn to hell/Compared to that, I’m doing well!” is a Him sentiment

Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In! (Will Wood) - Jokes about the three hour mining/grinding streams aside. Not only is the chorus so heavily a spiral/self-evaluation mood, but literally consider his thought processes abt the things he’s done/allegedly done and then consider “My dreams were shattered like a stained-glass window/Jesus in pieces! I believe I through a brick right through Him/But my memory could not be saved!/It just seems unlikely that it’s me who was to blame/So I bookmark my DSM, ‘cause I need to remember my place.” And now with the advent of the “experiments” the second verse’s “Take the road on higher ground, and tell me ‘don’t look down! You’ll fall and break your back’/But that just reminds me how there’s more to be found beneath the black!” is more relevant than ever

Friends With You (The Scary Jokes) - Oh my god. Oh my fucking god man. This could be on here for “I put myself to bed just halfway through the party/I love all my friends, but I hate when their eyes are on me” alone but the general almost empty saccharine vibe of the song is immensely his vibe; the humorlessly-smiling vocal fry on “don’t know” in “Why do you pretend/You don’t know who’s to blame?” is probably responsible for 80% of this read. Not to mention the first lyrics are literally “How long do I have to wait/’Til my lonely days are over?” which is really the. The waiting it out man the So When Do I Get To Be Okay of it all. Shoutouts also to “And the crumbling infrastructure no one else can see,” the self hatred of “I miss being friends with you/But what can I do/What can I do/But leave you alone?” and to “And I can tell you really love me/Can you tell I’m really sorry?” Just. The mix of hope+affection and dejected cynicism and self-hatred in the lyrics

Saline Solution (none other than Mr Wilbur Soot) - Remember what I said about waiting it out until you get to be okay? Anyway that’s crystallized in “If I could just break one more night/Maybe I could wake up and feel alright” and also this is literally a song about catastrophizing and self-evaluation just,, in general and I will not be highlighting all the lyrics about this but I will highlight the fact that he literally calls himself pragmatic and also the lyric “blurring the facts and the fiction.” Also, the sheer desperate anger-concealing-breakdown vibes of “I think I’ve made my choice” to “I think I’ve found my voice” deserves a mention, as does the culminating end of “saline solution to all your problems” with the tears+now splash water motifs of it all with Ranboo I am going to die

Funny (The Scary Jokes) - This is actually a softer take but not only does it literally start with the singer pleading with the addressee to look away, it continues with “I went up in the middle of the night and I climbed right onto the stage/And I raged/And I cried/Oh, what a funny joke am I” disregarding everything as performance, reemphasizes the opening demand with the qualifier “it’s not that I hate you, it’s just that I’m funny these days,” and then kills you with the last couple lines which. Yeah he does care and it does,,, just,,,,, a

Chemical Overreaction (Will Wood) - This is where the mood VIOLENTLY whiplashes because this is where we get unhinged. Anyway “I won’t stop to drop to draw a line in the sand/’Cause I’ll be picked apart to pieces by coyotes!” is LITERALLY the whole “I don’t do well with ‘peer pressure’” thing. “Where the sentimental value of the city around ya/Is deleted obsolete, but still completely will stun ya” is the single most L’Manberg lyric I’ve ever heard, especially from the perspective of a character whom I will repeatedly insist is narratively in the role of someone who’s shown up and seen the status quo as an outsider after it’s been established (hence the eternal New Kid vibes). Chorus very much has vibes of Ranboo Is Seized By The Urge To Do Something, and like. The entire dramatic end part. The last two lines especially (be very careful if you look up the vieo for this by the way it is NOT pretty; cws in the video for flashing, blood, suicide imagery)

A Mannequin Adrift (The Scary Jokes) - The Bitterness. This song is just fully The Bitterness at the environment he’s stuck in; the saccharine comes back as does the “peer pressure” thematic and just the Having An Awful Time; the sarcastic saccharine comes back too, which is always good I love passive aggression. Honestly the first verse is just everything like just listen to it it immediately makes sense

Poison Ivy Grows (The Scary Jokes) - This is overall a song about having bad brain and not knowing what the hell to do about it; it’s so faintly bitter and distant and melancholy and also so zoned out. Also, it’s not the only lyric that matters here but it is enough to be a full argument on its own: “I used to spend so much time/Wandering around outside/Now I’ve got too much on my mind/Now I’ve got too much on my mind”

Spring Haze (Tori Amos) - Listen. Do I know what Spring Haze is about? No. Is that gonna stop me from saying it’s about Ranboo? Also no. I just think “You say we’ll never make it there/So all we do is circle it” is so much, the fact that the bridge at the end is just “Why does it always end up like this?” repeated, and that it just feels so much like overall the song feels like a desperate attempt to figure Something out, and the chorus is just inexplicably him? It might be partially influenced by the fact that “Uh-oh, let go, off on my way” and, to a lesser extent, “Uh-oh, way to go” is not only in accordance with character vibes but also vaguely evocative of Ranboo’s speech pattern

#this also has a couple songs pending addition #this post is just That Enderman Is Deeply Troubled. Listen To Scary Jokes

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that-tall-queer-bassist · 3 years

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My personal Pros and Cons of my ADHD

Pros

-noticing all the little details and appreciating them in the fullest

-Emotional Dysregulation, because when I get a new plant, or find that one oddly shaped metal marble I lost a while ago, I am so excited it’s pathetic, but I love that feeling of pure joy.

-hyperfixation of the week/day/hour (i know some people describe it differently, let me be pls) . I usually switch between art mediums, and/or a few video games/social media sites. for example, I’ve been on tumblr for 3 hours as i write this, after not touching it for, i think a month?

-nuerodivergent friends. They’re just better.

-the ability to completely drown myself in information to ignore reality. Is it healthy? no. But i simply cannot handle another existiential crissi rn, so i will instead play minecraft while listening to alt rock playlists on youtube because getting spotify sounds like a lot of work.

-my ability to retain absolutely useless information, from either my, or my other nuerodivergent friends hyperfixations/special interests. I can explain to you in terrible formatting if it’s out loud, the evolution, history, training, anatomy and roles of the horse in our world, and how ao3 works, and what makes or breaks a fanfiction.

-Object Impermanence. When i literally hide myself a treat or surprise and forget about it, then get so excited when i do find/discover it again. I hide google questions, and/or song lyrics in my tabs :) its so fun. Also, hiding away stressors. Again, healthy? no, but i don’t feel like having anxiety all day, so whatever.

-Emotional Dysregulation, again. I can switch from sad or angry to happy and excited/content in a few seconds. It’s also great for getting my siblings out of their funk. ex., my sister is mad at me. I make a silly voice repeating what she said or cross my eyes at her. she laughs, then we can talk and have constructive conversation about why she shouldn’t get that upset about me “cutting off her reading time” when we share a room and I want to sleep, and know that she will be very tired tomorrow if she doesn’t also go to sleep. (We have this conversation almost every single night, i’m not even joking)

Cons

-Emotional Dysregulation. When i get upset, I’m Upset. Like, big time, ruining friendships and familial ties if i let it get out of hand, Upset. Yeah.

-Time Blindness. Constantly late, or early, or under or over estimating the amount of time it takes to do a thing, not eating til 4 because you forgot but you also should just wait til dinner, but now its 9 and I still haven’t eaten-

-Executive Dysfunction. I can’t do the things needed to function. Don’t have the mental energy to explain this one, so google it i guess? There’s a whole checklist of things you need to be able to do to function, and i can do like, three on a good day.

-Sleeping Trouble. People with adhd have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up. So, sleeping trouble. So I’m constantly tired.

-Internal Clock is SLIGHTLY OFF. Nuerotypicals have that normal sleep schedule. Adhd ers have it shifted forward by, i think, 2, 3 hours. So we go to sleep later, and wake up later, and that’s the only way to get a healthy amount of sleep. My entire family also eats dinner super late, which might be because we’re weird, but I suspect the inner clock thing cuz we all got adhd.

-Object Impermanance. I hid my math homework one time. I failed that class.

-Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Never trying, or starting cuz I’m so terrified to get a bad reaction. Constantly masking around certain people to appeal to the few of my Nuerotypical friends. Or, y’know, majority of my extended family. They’re ableist. and homophobic. And transphobic. And racist. and sexist. The list goes on, but, yeah. Never coming out to them! :D

-Masking. It’s exhausting and I can only handle so much of it.

-Not Masking around nuerotypicals. The shoot down after finally revealing my true thoughts, urges, feelings, stims, etc. just sucks. Super disheartening.

-Squirrel or shiny jokes when they’re made by people without adhd. Yes, I do get distracted by squirrels, and shiny things, and dice. Stop pointing it out, and/or putting me into yet another box of your labeling.

-saying that I’m lazy, worthless, or a disaster when really it’s not helping. I already have that internal monologue, you adding to it and giving it some truth/extra ammunition is not. helping.

-Emotional Dysregulation. Again, because mood swings. like, I’m trying to be rightfully angry with you. Stop making me laugh with you’re silly faces or pointing out of a weird face someone made in a picture you took.

-the stigma about the hyperactive subtype. I’m inattentive. I have No Energy. Ever. Sometimes i have restlessness, but there is still no energy. Stop portraying me as bouncing off the walls, especially with caffeine. Caffeine just catches my body speed up to my brain speed, settling me down a bit, at least mentally.

-people not getting when i say I’m overstimulated, or need some time alone to process or re-energize, and following me, or continuing to do the overstimulating thing. I will literally. lose. my. mind.

-when people shut me down after I share something that is really important to me, or make fun of me for liking something an “abnormal” amount. Flashbacks to overnight camp, when whenever I said anything about horses, they said I had to do five squats, and when i got really excited about discussing the differences in riding styles/types with another person who really liked horses, but rode english, they said that it was obnoxious, when i was just.. excited to finally find someone to talk to and who felt the same way after, basically, years and years of no one getting it or wanting to listen or talking with me about the thing. To this day I don’t discuss horses with anyone, cuz it hurts so much remembering that, and the fear of it happening again is still there.

-seeing other people be ashamed about their adhd and hesitant to mention until i talk, like, super openly about having it, in like, the first 5 minutes of knowing each other. It just.. hurts.

-I’m super empathetic, not in a way that’s helpful though. Like, wincing, or limping myself because I saw you drop something on your foot, and am imagining it so vividly that it feels like it happened to me. Reading a fic about abuse or depression, and it hitting too hard and hurting me almost physically, and on a personal level because I simply cannot handle it. Feeling someone else’s pain so vividly that i can’t comfort or help them in any way, because I am so preoccupied with feeling their pain.

-never being able to finish things without starting something else. All the WIPs in my google docs, istg, i will be driven insane by it.

(y’know, this was kinda fun. As a rant, but also as a way for me to identify things about myself and my adhd that i like. Like, I know its so much shorter, but I have a hard time with positive self affirmation, so it was kinda nice. I might do it again, but just the pros part cuz the cons are kinda depressing ngl.)

(OH, Y’all should reblog with your own personal pros added on! You can add cons if you’d like to :) I’m just interested in seeing how your experiences/feeling differ from mine :) )

#adhd #adhd life #executive dysfunction #positive affimation #but it's only the begining ig #i might delete positive affirmations #idk #pros and cons #pros and cons of my adhd #nuerodivergent #nuerodivergent friends are the best #i will elaborate at some point #I've been on tumblr too long

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dinamakan · 2 years

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WNRS

Apparently, someone created the online version of WNRS here. I picked self-reflection deck with a secret seed and I’d like to share some of my answers publicly. Feel free to try with your own seed, different decks, or play with your friend.

2. What’s become more important to me recently than ever before? Myself. For years I’ve been trying to understand and help others without thinking about myself, but now I’m trying to focus on my own business and... my hobbies. I currently love my hobbies, my passion, more than I love anyone. Well, I still care about other people but I don’t want to hurt myself because they could disappoint me in thousand ways.

3. I want to thank myself for ____not giving up on the darkest days and still believe in my dreams____.

9. What have I been sensitive to lately? What I’ve been through. This answers isn’t specific but when someone said “You have to be grateful,” I felt like “I don’t think I deserved to go through those days.” It sounds selfish but not many people know what I’ve been through. My mom knew it.

11. Wild Card: What is my happiness level on a scale of 1-10? (Write it down and date it. Why is it this number? What would make it 1 score higher?) 6/10, 15 May 2022. My life is slightly better but there are some things that haven’t been achieved. I’ll climb the ladder one by one, it’ll make the score higher.

13. When do I feel most productive? What time is it usually? Am I alone or with others? (Get specific.) If I’m alone, my productive hours are erratic. I can suddenly have tons of ideas at night (like now, 03.06 AM), feel refreshed when I wake up earlier or in the afternoon after a nap. But usually I’m productive when I’m with the right coworkers.

16. Wild Card: What are 3 things I love most about myself today? (Write them out.) My hobbies, my peaceful feeling when staying up late, and my ability to stay sane.

21. What am I putting off that feels important? Why am I avoiding it? 1. Some things are literally way too difficult, 2. I’m afraid of comments and pressure from others at this moment, 3. Lack of energy.

24. What do I keep doing that keeps hurting? Why do I keep repeating this behavior? Guess what? I’ve let go of some habits like that. Not completely over, but seriously, I’ve broken some chains. Why did I repeat it in the past? Depression.

26. Wild Card: What am I doubting about myself currently? (Replace that thought with an affirmation and repeat it out loud.) I doubt my abilities I’d say, I’m on my way to be an avid learner and I should be proud of it. I’m committed to the fields I’ve taken, which I think is great.

27. When was the last time I truly enjoyed my own company? What was I doing? ACTUALLY RIGHT NOW; alone with my laptop, writing on Tumblr, building some plans on my Notion, listening to Brand New Eyes.

30. Which one of my mistakes taught me the most this past year? What did it teach me? Not all of my opinions need to be conveyed to others, just dump it on my binder, this blog or Twitter.

33. What expectation have I set on someone that has been hurting me the most? I thought someone could see me doing anything sincerely, without any motive behind it.

35. Wild Card: Take 3 deep breaths before answering the next question. Done, using 478 method. Next.

36. Wild Card: What's my favorite song at the moment? Why do I love it so much? (Play it for yourself.) Nobody Knows - Stamp ft. Christopher Chu, an original soundtrack for One for the Road— Easy listening, comforting beats, mesmerizing lyrics.

37. What can I be kinder towards myself for today? Eat at the right time and forgive myself if the progress is slow.

40. When was the last time I remember being mean to someone? Why did I act this way? A couple days (or weeks?) ago I ignored someone because I was uncomfortable but it wasn’t that person’s fault. I did it sometimes to some people, didn’t dare to say anything to them. Yes I have to fix this.

49. What's one small step I can take today towards a goal that feels out of reach? Revise a design project.

That’s all Folks! Some questions aren’t answered here but I had a great time, thanks to this deck.

#diksi #WNRS

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minghaocouture · 4 years

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Pairing: Lee Jihoon x Fem!Reader Genre: Collage AU, Fluff, the tiniest angst Warning: Minor self esteem issues (from reader), Language WC: 2.9K

A/N: @woozisnoots my sweetie baby! This is your Holiday gift from me!! I wub yoooou and i hope you like this <333 The song mentioned in the fic is Tell me you love me by Bolbbalgan4 and i actually just kept listening to it on repeat while writing this lol, it’s such a cute song, and all the italic words are song lyrics (the english translations)! Also yes i shamelessly name dropped our friend group in this, don’t judge me

“You don’t accept my hi as usual I know you’re popular and handsome but you’ve always given the cold shoulder Only to me.”

The lyrics flowed easily from your lips and into the microphone, eyes closed as you felt the vibes of the chorus and attempted to put the right layers of emotion into the song as you did so. The instrumental paused just as the chorus ended you heard the familiar sound of your partner through the headphones.

“Can you run that one more time. Hold that last note a bit longer, and make the staccato in the first beginning a bit sharper.” On the other side of the glass sat Lee Jihoon, and the brains behind the operation despite this being a partnered project. At the beginning of this, you never would have thought that the two of you would have been working together so well. Not with how the project began.

You gave him an affirmation of your understanding and he began from the end of the pre-chorus, letting the melody and his test vocals fill your ears just before you began again.

When you had first been assigned partners, you were less than enthused. Sure, you had a major crush on Jihoon, his passion for music inspired you and you always loved watching him in class when he would perform. But, he was notoriously a rather critical partner. During the last partnered project in class a close friend of yours, Binu, had been assigned to work with him. She ended up confessing that she didn’t really get too much of a say on anything and that Jihoon did the project mostly by himself. Needless to say, she was much happier with this project being partnered with your mutual friend Mar.

The recording session wrapped up nicely and you began packing your things as you realized how late it was in the evening and your friends would start to get concerned if they didn’t hear back from you. So you pulled your phone from your bag and quickly messaged your group chat to let them know the situation. As you went to place your bag over your shoulder you heard the familiar sound of a stomach growling.

Your eyes quickly scanned the room and watched Jihoon sigh and sit back down at the recording booth, his laptop still open but he didn’t look like he had any intention of leaving to get sustenance. Much to your own surprise you decided to speak up.

“Hey, I was planning on grabbing some dinner. Did...you wanna come too? We’ve been here for a while and we could probably use some food.” You suggested, an inviting smile plastered itself onto your face. You hoped it didn’t seem fake, after all you had invited Jihoon to eat before and he had always denied the offer.

Much like all previous times, you saw his rather small head shake in denial.

“Nah, I’ve got some stuff to finish up here. I’ll probably grab something before heading back to my dorms...or maybe I’ll ask Mingyu to pick me up some dinner.” You’d heard about Mingyu before, his roommate who he says he tolerates but you can tell that he does really care about the guy from how he talks about it.

Most people say that Jihoon is hard to read and closed off, but you know they’re wrong. He just...emotes differently, he has his own ways of showing affection and you can see it in his eyes and the little things he does and says. Being around him like this has honestly only made your crush worse.

“Well, alright, but you better eat something and go home tonight. I don’t wanna come back here tomorrow and see you in this same outfit cause you haven’t gone home.” Which...had happened on more than one occasion during this project.

He shrugged, not turning back to face you.

“I brought extra clothes this time.”

***

“Seriously? I can’t believe he said no again! Ugh, I hate him and you deserve better than to pine after that short stack!” Rolling your eyes as you listened to Krys ranting once again.

Since Jihoon refuted your invitation you decided to invite out your best friends. The 5 of you heading to a nearby fried chicken place, crowding into the booth that your friend group had basically claimed (when it was available at least)

“It’s fine Krys, he’s just really into his work. He’s probably going to be in the studio editing until all hours of the morning.” You explained before shoving some of the complimentary salad into your mouth as you took a break from the chicken itself. “I might even take him some food before I head back to the dorms.”

“Nu-uh! I’m not letting you! That boy doesn’t even talk to you outside of class, he doesn’t deserve your time or your energy!” Krys exclaimed.

“I mean, he kinda does. Talk to her, I mean he waved at her last week.” Maya brought up in between her unsuccessful attempts at stealing the rest of the table’s pickled radish. “We were walking to the lounge and she saw him and waved at him, and he finally waved back.”

“Oh what, after ignoring her for a whole semester? Real nice of him. My best friend deserves better!” She declared, aggressively taking another bite of her chicken before continuing. “If I weren’t already dating the best man in the whole world, I would just date you myself.”

This brought the rest of the table another fit of laughter. It was never a dull moment in your friend group and you were always grateful that you had them in your life.

“This just in, Krys won’t leave big dick Wonwoo so her best friend can have a good relationship.” Mar joked, cackling at the thought. The laughter seemed to get worse when she realized that Wonwoo himself had just walked up to the table to set down a drink refill for Binu. The male’s face was flushed red, obviously having heard the conversation. Which prompted another round of joyful laughter from the group.

It was a good night, but your mind still drifted back to Jihoon, who was most likely still sitting alone in the studio, hungry yet still hard at work. As the conversation drifted away from you finally, you got Wonwoo’s attention and ordered a small meal for take out with a plan to deliver the food before returning home. Even if Krys would give you shit for it.

***

“Jihoon, it’s me” You knocked on the studio door as you entered, assuming you wouldn’t be interrupting anything since you saw the light on but heard now sounds from inside. Surprisingly, or rather unsurprisingly, you got no response as you entered. Simply making your way in despite any acknowledgement.

The more surprising thing was what you found once you entered. There, still sitting in the rolly chair with his head firmly planted on the desk in front of his work laptop was Lee Jihoon. Fast asleep, small snores leaving his frame as he dreamed. It would honestly be pretty cute if it weren’t for the fact that you knew this was probably happening because of how much he overworked himself.

You let out a small sigh, placing the bag on the small coffee table in the room (you didn’t want to set it on the desk with all the equipment) and grabbed his jacket that he had tossed onto the nearby sofa before draping it over his shoulders. You couldn’t really do much more for him without lifting the male up and transferring him to the couch, and you were pretty sure he would wake up if you even attempted that.

“Night Jihoon.” With that final goodbye you exited the room and returned back to your dorm to get some homework done for a few of your other classes.

It was about 2:30 the next morning when your phone vibrated, indicating a message. Sparing a glance to the device you read the familiar name ‘Lee Jihoon’ as the sender. The message was no more than a simple “Thank you.” but that was good enough for you.

***

As you expected, even being the harmony vocals for the song Jihoon’s talent far outshined your main vocals. You weren’t upset or anything, but you were definitely starting to regret letting him talk you into the main vocal position for this project. You didn’t even really have any commentary to or feedback to give him. His voice fit the song perfectly and you could feel the emotion in his words as he sang.

When he exited the booth and took a seat on the sofa to take a break you spoke up.

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be the one leading the song?” You questioned, head tilted to the side a bit as you watched him gulp down a bottle of water. Your words took him off guard and he fixed you with a rather confused look, so you continued. “I mean, you have such a great voice and I really think you capture the emotion in the song better than I do. So like…”

“What are you talking about?” He cut off your ramblings before you could continue, his eyes staring intently into your own. “You have an amazing voice, I’m literally blown away anytime you step into the booth. It’s part of the reason I was glad we got partnered for this project.”

It was almost as if your brain had short circuited, you didn’t know what to say. He had never spoken about your singing like that before, much less admit that he was...glad you were his partner. A part of you worried that he was lying just to spare your feelings, but the logical part knew that Jihoon wasn’t someone who would waste the energy to do that.

“Let me put it this way,” he began again. “If I didn’t think you were doing a good job, if i thought your vocals would get us points docked off, then I wouldn’t have let you sing the Main. Got it?” His gaze seemed to pierce right to your very soul and you couldn’t find it in yourself to argue back and decided to just take his word for it. So you simply nodded a response.

It seemed that Jihoon wasn’t done surprising you tonight, as a smile so tender made its way onto his face. Your heart skipped a beat as you looked into his eyes, you could feel the heat rushing to your face and you prayed that he couldn’t hear the loud throbbing of your heart as he watched you.

The moment was soon broken by the loud blaring of a familiar pop song, Jihoon’s face dropping at the sound. He quickly grabbed his phone off of the coffee table and put it up to his ear. You decided to be polite and at least try not to listen in, pulling out your own phone and messaging the group chat to see what was up.

“What do you want, Mingyu?” He began, definitely sounding more irritated than before he had taken the call. You couldn’t hear the voice on the other end but from the gumbling that left Jihoon’s lips you wouldn’t have been surprised if his roommate was pushing his buttons for whatever reason.

“No. I’m not and you need to stop asking. I’m working right now.” He paused for a moment, his voice lowering to almost a whisper as if that would make you unable to hear him. “Yes, she’s here too, so stop asking. Mingy-” He groaned as the male on the other end seemed to cut him off, you weren’t too sure with what but now you could vaguely hear the loud voice of his roommate on the line and couldn’t help laughing softly. The sound causing Jihoon’s eyes to flicker over to you, causing your heart to skip a beat as you quickly tried to make it seem like you were just laughing at something on your phone.

“Shut it. We’ll talk when I get home...yes i’m coming back tonight!” With an irritated sigh, Jihoon ended the call. You weren’t sure he gave Mingyu any time to give a farewell but if you were being honest the conversation had been pretty amusing.

Setting his phone down on the couch, Jihoon let out a sigh and ran a hand through his thick black locks. A silence falling over the two of you as you typed away on your phone, trying not to make eye contact again. You were so engrossed with your act you didn’t even hear when Jihoon stood from the couch and made his way over to the chair you were currently occupying.

“Before we call it, could you re-record from the bridge to the end. When I was editing it last night there was some feedback so I wanted to get a better recording.”

“Oh, um yeah sure!” You weren’t sure why he hadn’t mentioned that before, and you didn’t recall hearing any feedback from your vocals when he was recording. But still, you took him at his word and entered the small recording booth once again.

“I’ll start from just before the bridge.” He said over the speakers once your headphones were pulled snuggly over your ears. You cleared your throat and took a deep breath before nodding and signaling him to start.

“I really like you a lot But do you think we can’t be together? I feel small in my school uniform skirt Looking big on me, Yeah The tall, pretty girls are all around you. Oh whoa~”

Getting through the bridge you poured your emotions into it. Thinking about your feelings for Jihoon and the longing for him to feel the same for you. Honestly, through this whole process the song the two of you had written was so...cathartic for you. Expressing things you never verbalized, how despite your attempts Jihoon never really spoke to you outside of class but he always seemed so kind when you were working. Or how, because of his looks and his talent he seemed to be surrounded by girls who thought he was wonderful.

“If you like me, or you love me Just say yes, yes, yes And then I’m your girlfriend And your my boyfriend Tell me you like me.”

The last few chords streamed through your headphones and a silence fell over the room. Just as you were about to take the headphones off you heard a voice come through, the familiar voice of your partner and crush.

“I like you...a lot.”

You froze like a deer in headlights, almost positive that you had misheard him. Eyes quickly landing on him, watching him through the glass. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but through the tint you could see the soft pink dusting his cheeks and the tips of his ears as his eyes stared down at the desk.

“Don’t say anything. I just...wanted to let you know. The reason I didn’t want to sing the main vocals is because I was worried you would be able to tell.” He continued, eyes still not lifting from the table to meet your gaze. “All of the lyrics I added were about you. I just...changed the pronouns.”

It was unbelievable to think that Lee Jihoon could possibly love you back. He was too...wonderful, and the fact that the both of you had used this song to express those feelings was almost unreal.

Thinking back on it, on all the interactions you had attempted to have with him outside of class. You realized that he wasn’t ignoring you, his eyes had always met your own but he was just uncertain. He had lacked the confidence to speak to you despite your obvious interest in him. It made your pinning seem silly now.

You still honored his wishes and said nothing, simply taking the headphones off and draping them onto the music stand before exiting the booth. Stopping right next to the object of your affections.

“Jihoon, look at me? Please?” Hesitantly, his gaze turned to you and he looked flustered, more flustered than you had ever seen him. “I like you too, a whole lot.”

Your words had his eyes lighting up, a look of disbelief crossing his face as you continued.

“Could I...would it be alright if I kiss you?” Before today, you had only ever imagined kissing Jihoon. What it would be like had been nothing more than a small fantasy that you thought about, but seeing him nod looking away still flustered, it almost seemed to good to be anything more than a dream.

Hesitantly, you reached out a hand to caress his cheek, your heart speeding up as he lifted a hand to press over your own. When your lips met, it was like the stars had aligned.

It wasn’t a perfect kiss, it was shy and soft but the emotion you felt simply from his lips pressing back against your own was enough to cause your heart to soar. It was like two puzzle pieces finding one another how well his lips felt against your own. You decided in that moment that he would get to hear everyday how much you absolutely loved him, he would never need to ask or hesitate again. Cause that’s what kind of love you wanted to give him, and all you needed to do was say it.

#caratwritersclub #kdiarynet #kdiner #seventeen x reader #seventeen imagine #seventeen scenario #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt scenario #woozi x reader #woozi imagine #woozi scenario #jihoon x reader #jihoon imagine #jihoon scenario

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teamred · 4 years

Text

highway to heaven

summary: just you and tom on a road trip having the time of your lives. kisses, intimacy, and motel sex included. | based off of nct’s highway to heaven (eng. version) pairing: tom holland x reader warnings: smut, oral sex (blowjob), handjob, fingering, mutual masturbation, dirty talk, mirror sex, fluff word count: 4k words notes: this has been in the oven for like half a year - hope you enjoy it!

gif created by me | please credit if used

We’ll take the highway to heaven and I can’t wait to love you all alone We'll take the highway to heaven On the 101, let's see just where it goes…

“Didn't we hear this song already?”

Tom spoke over the booming music and the whooshing from the open sunroof and windows. He turned his head slightly and pulled his sunglasses down a bit—not worried about the infinite road that hasn’t had a car on it for the last several miles—to steal a glance at you.

Sunglasses on, reality’s worries off. Your jaw was perched on your palm while your elbow relaxed near the bottom of the window. Tom smiled, snapping a mental picture of this memory.

You shrugged slightly, eyes focused on the side of the road. Everything was going by in a blur.

“Do you have a problem with it, Mr. Holland?”

A chuckle followed, “No, I don't, miss, I'm just wondering; your music all sounds the same to me.”

“Excuse me?” you half feigned offense, moving your free hand to lay upon your chest. “At least I don't listen to the same 90s hip hop music over and over!”

Tom bit his lip as he shook his head. “Now it’s getting personal.”

“Well, you started it!”

You moved your body closer to his and stuck your tongue towards his face. Then, he quickly grabbed hold of your hand and intertwined fingers.

“I love you,” he cooed into your ear.

In protest, your fingers didn’t reciprocate the hand-holding, but it only made Tom’s fingers grip a little harder.

“I know,” you retorted jestfully. He leaned his face closer to yours, still keeping his eyes on what was in front of him. A few seconds passed while the moment lingered in the air.

“Say it back, love.”

You shook your head with pursed lips.

“Aw, c’mon - at least give me a kiss.”

This time, it was Tom’s turn to lean a little closer to your body. He pouted dramatically, causing you to laugh. You succumbed to his simple request, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. How could you not give in to the love of your life?

It was the third day of your two-week vacation. The two of you had a general idea on where you were heading, but no specific plans whatsoever. No hotel reservations, no restaurants planned, no special sights to see - just you, him, some spare luggage, and the rental car.

For much of the ride, Tom’s free hand was always preoccupied, either holding yours, drawing shapes on your thigh, or fist-pumping to the road trip music. The highway was fairly empty and quiet, with the exception of the music blasting out of the car and each of your boisterous, never-ending laughs.

“Oh my god!” you squealed when one song changed into the next. “This is my jam!”

“Honey, you’ve been saying that throughout the whole ride.”

“You shush - this is my song!”

The beats and lyrics began to control your body. Without a thought, you pulled yourself up through the sunroof and stood up above your seat. Despite the lack of preparation of the wind blasting through your face, you still persisted and tried to rock to your music. As if Tom could read your mind, he slowed the car’s speed to let you savour the moment.

“Be careful, babe!” you faintly heard a voice say from below.

Adrenaline surged from your head to your toes. The feeling of the gust of wind through every inch of your upper body, the feeling of one of your favourite songs playing, the feeling of being with your boyfriend…

Pushing back your sunglasses, ensuring they wouldn’t blow away, you screamed the lyrics to the sky in elation. You were on top of the world and you couldn’t have asked for a better life.

Suddenly, Tom began to lightly smack your ass.

“Hey, hey! Hands off the merchandise!” you shouted with jest.

“I can’t help myself when it’s right in front of my face in a pair of practically booty shorts!” He paused for a moment, sliding his hand over the curvature of your ass. “Also, you have a really nice bum.”

Tom continued and you couldn’t stop laughing, even when he was trying to be sensual by kissing the back of your thighs. The song faded into the next, but you couldn’t care less.

With the wind still brushing against your face and the sights going by in a flash, you sighed into Tom’s touches, trying your best to soak up all of these moments like it was the last.

Sunset began to colour the sky in hues of purple and pink. Tom was driving towards this secluded spot nearby where the views were supposedly spectacular, according to a blog post he looked at. It took some time, but he finally figured out which exit to go through after several accidental exits and turns. Your temporary stop was at a cliff overlooking a small city nearby. The city sparkled with lights juxtaposed against the now darkening sunset. It looked too much like a scene from a movie.

“Tom, did you bring us to a make-out spot?” you tilted your head upon realization. He did the same and raised an eyebrow.

“Well, the post didn’t say it was a make-out spot… per se…”

You lightly smacked Tom on his arm before the two of you got out of the car to sit on the hood. Tom wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you in close. Both of you were awestruck at the view and sat in silence for a bit.

“I can’t believe you brought us to a famous make-out spot,” you whispered, eyes still focused on the sights before you. “But it’s not like I would kiss you anyway.”

He scoffed, “Yeah?” He turned his body to face you, and you the same. “You sure about that?”

A soft murmur released from your lips prior to the caress of your face in his palm. His fingers brushed some of your loose hair out of your face before his lips met yours under the stars that began to dance in the night sky.

The kissing started out soft. One hand on his chest, the other relaxed on his arm, giving it a squeeze here and there every once in a while. He rubbed his thumb tenderly over your cheek. The smell of the greenery and a faint mixture of his perspiration and natural scent was intoxicating to your senses.

Similarly, your scent drove Tom wild; you smelled sweet, something like berries or lavender, but nothing overbearing. One hand always kept you close and safe, while the other consistently casually rummaged through your hair. Soon, things began to heat up when his hand moved down towards your back, then towards your ass and squeezing it.

“Can’t help it—” he mumbled into your mouth. You giggled, followed by you maneuvering to straddle his lap. Tom held onto your waist while you held onto his sturdy shoulders prior to fixing your hair with the city view behind you.

“The city is beautiful,” Tom peeked over your shoulder, then looked up into your eyes. “But not as beautiful as you.”

“You are so corny,” you shook your head, but it only made you want him more.

Desire dripped when you pulled him in for a kiss. To no one’s surprise, the kissing became deeper and needier. The holds evolved into grasping and gripping. Both of you began to grind into each other’s bodies. When Tom found his way under your t-shirt and started to drag his nails lightly against your bare back, you leaned your head back as a groan escaped softly. Simultaneously, Tom enraptured your neck in kisses; more inflamed grinding and moans followed.

“Fuck, Tom…” you caught yourself pulling away to reach for his pants, but your logic led you to quickly drag him by the hand into the backseat of the car instead. You pulled Tom into your body again once he closed the car door behind him. Instantly, you went back to what you previously thought and started to unbuckle Tom’s jeans while you sat on your feet in the seat next to him.

“What if someone comes by?” he panted, eyes focused on your hands.

You shrugged nonchalantly. You needed him now more than ever and weren’t willing to give up any chances to make love with him, especially on your vacation.

“We’ll give them a little show.”

He glanced into your eyes and smirked, “You’re so bad…”

After capturing his lips once again, you bit his lower lip in response to his comment as you continued to fiddle with his jeans and belt. Once done, you lowered yourself to pull his underwear and pants down to his ankles, then comfortably adjusted yourself, with your ass up in the air, to begin stroking his cock.

Tom gasped and leaned his head back from your touch. It was only the beginning, but he was already so stimulated—the sight of your gorgeous body bent over his cock in the backseat of a car, your eyes looking up at him engulfed with a sexual appetite… you didn’t even have him in your mouth yet. A groan emerged when you began to lick his length from the base all the way to the tip. You took your time and made sure every inch of his cock was lubricated with your saliva. With each lick, Tom’s hands gripped tigheter onto the car seat while his cock twitched ever so slightly.

Once you felt he was teased enough, your mouth consumed him whole without warning.

“Ugh, babe,” he eyed you from above with wide eyes. You bobbed your head slowly, making sure Tom felt pleasure with every movement. His repeated groans were affirming your thoughts.

To even the playing field, Tom’s hand reached towards yous ass. He moved your underwear and shorts aside and inserted two fingers into you. You moaned into Tom’s cock from the sudden penetration, the vibrations only adding more to Tom’s bliss. Tom kept his pace steady as the moans kept flowing out of you and onto his length increasingly. The pleasure circled and tormented both parties evenly and immensely.

You pulled yourself up for a breather and began to stroke him faster than his fingering. Flashing a smirk, he too fastened his pace. You briefly kissed him before pulling away, having your perspired forehead against his.

“Not fair…” Words were difficult to form through the stimulation. It took you a few moments to execute your thoughts. “...You get more of a workout than I do.”

He laughed a little between groans, “Don’t-don’t doubt your ability. You’re not so bad yourself.”

You laughed at his joke, but the mood changed when you kissed him again. It was unspoken, but someone was bound to come first and you weren’t willing to lose. Neither was Tom.

You deepened the kiss. He sunk more into your touch.

He had his other hand squeeze your tits. You moaned more into his mouth.

You played with the tip and the slit of his cock, rubbing the pre-come all around. His touch on your breasts weakened and his fingering slowed.

The timing was perfect, the timing was now - you gripped his length and lit up your wrist, using all your might to stroke as fast as you could. Desperately, Tom began to call your name again and again, shaking his head.

“Babe, I’m-I’m going to—”

No other words were needed. His eyes flickered, then closed shut, before he quivered as you felt his hot come and soft moans trickle out, the former into your hand and the latter into the humid air within the car.

Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be anyone else who came around the make-out spot to witness your little show. You awkwardly reached over the cupholders and center console to grab some tissues from the glove compartment. Tossing some to Tom and keeping some for yourself, you cleaned each other’s juices off your respective hands before heading into the front seat once more. With his pants back on, Tom fumbled with his belt as you spoke up.

“I hope that was okay,” your cheeks tingled against the night air.

“Honey,” he gently placed his fingers under your chin, turning you to face him. “You’re amazing. I meant what I said before - don’t doubt yourself. Okay?”

You nodded and with a smile, Tom kissed you softly.

“I love you.”

Your stares lingered a little longer on each other; both parties in disbelief at how lucky they were.

“I love you, too.”

“Now, let’s get some dinner, shall we?”

Both of you took one last look at the surreal view before Tom started the engine to drive to the nearest restaurant.

You ended up at a 24/7 breakfast diner at the next exit over. Pastel blue and pink splattered across the restaurant like it was a blast from the past. With the rusty furniture and worn down seatings, it probably was a relic from its own time, but the restaurant was homely and kept well on its own terms.

Laughter, handholding, and footsie ensued between the milkshakes, pancakes, bacon, and the like. After you two split the bill, the waitress thanked you both and added, “You two lovebirds have a good night now!”

Beaming and knowing her words were likely to ring true, you left the diner with your arm linked through his.

Tom drove for a little while since the next motel was several exits away. By the time you reached it, you had fallen peacefully asleep. He carefully woke you up and helped you into the motel room after he checked in.

Likewise to the breakfast diner from dinner, the motel was a little run down. Although you noticed it had a few things redone and the walls were recently painted, the sink and mirror, which were directly parallel to the side of the bed, had some rust and cracks in them, respectively. Nevertheless, it would be your home for the night and it had one thing you both appreciated—working air conditioning.

You opted to jump into the shower first to wake yourself up. Afterward, Tom followed suit while you rested on the queen size bed and watched whatever was playing on TV, which had a mirror oddly placed next to the side of it. It didn’t take long until both of you were settled in bed, but neither of you wanted to sleep just yet.

Irresistible was definitely high on the list of words to describe Tom, especially when he always slept without a shirt and just a pair of underwear. Temptation oozed to every corner of the room when you two tangled in each other’s bodies and kisses, moving with ease and rhythm like a choreographed dance. All the clothes were either off the edge of the bed or already on the floor. The two of you let your bodies dance in unison and knew exactly what the other wanted.

Kissing his shoulders, especially that little crook nearing his right side of the neck that made him shiver.

Pinching your nipples, which were already hardened from the cool air and the pleasure, and even giving them a light nip between his teeth.

Hands running through his hair wildly, gripping a little harder than you intended to, but Tom loved it when you couldn’t restrain yourself.

His hand rubbing your clit in small circles, not enough to over galvanize you, but enough to keep you wanting more.

During a brief lull, Tom pulled your body from behind into his. Your back was against his chest and you felt his hard-on against your body. You melted into him, relaxing your neck onto his shoulder. He began to kiss the other side of your neck whilst keeping his hands busy by grasping one of your breasts and fingering your wet sex.

“It’s your turn to come first this time,” he whispered hotly into your ear.

All the attention was on you, making you feel exposed, yet loved dearly by Tom ensuring you would reach climax. Whenever you arched your back, Tom gently leaned back and pulled you into him closer, wanting to make sure you were comfortable. His fingers hit you in the right spot, edging you closer and closer to the first orgasm of the night. It was difficult to keep your moaning to an appropriate noise level, but Tom was devilishly good at this. Your panting and rising sweat signified you were close.

“Come for me, babe - come on my fingers like the good girl you are.”

Your abdomen was getting tighter and hotter with each passing second and when the waves started to hit, you grasped onto the bedsheets and crumpled them with all your might while bursting in glorious moans, consistent with incoherent ones and of Tom’s name, over and over.

Tom licked your come off his fingers and gave you a quick wink. Your cheeks tingled at the action, but, with practically everything he did, it also made you more ravenous. As Tom went to the sink to quickly wash his hands, you got up to grab a condom from your stash in your backpack. You quickly opened the package and had it ready when he came back to the bed.

“A little eager, aren’t we?” He laid on the bed with his arms above his head, showing off the definition and tone of them. You bit your lip, knowing he always did that on purpose, then sat next to him to roll the condom on.

“Shut up, you want me just as much as I want you.”

His eyes scanned every beautiful bit of your face and body. After rolling the condom on, he replied with a shrug, “I won’t deny that…”

The chiseled man was about to get up, but instead, you pushed him back down into his initial position, with his back against the bed board. Subsequently, you straddled him, hovering your body above him a little as you perched yourself up with your knees, and held his cock in your hand which was directly underneath your wetness.

“Do you want me?” you asked, touching and teasing his covered cock. Tom nodded fervently, eyes moving from your hand, to your breasts, finally to your piercing eyes.

“How much do you want me?” You teased further, sitting on his length ever so slightly and bouncing on the tip just a titch. A low groan released from his lips.

“A lot, love. Please,” he begged as he held onto your waist, trying to push your body down on him, but you wouldn’t budge. You bounced a few additional times then sat down properly, embracing his cock fully.

For balance, you grabbed onto his shoulders and you continued to bounce like there was no tomorrow. You glanced down at Tom, who groaned here and there with mad eyes, consuming all the pleasure and sight to see. His eyes met yours and he moved some hair out of your face. Unexpectedly, Tom took one of your breasts into his mouth and massaged the other with his hand, causing you to arch your back. Your lover’s spare hand gripped on your waist, then released the pressure to lightly drag his nails against your back. In between the sucks, his tongue flicked and circled around your nipple a few times. Of course, he wouldn’t forget to please your other breast too.

All the while, you attempted to keep your bouncing steady, but it’d be a lie to say both of you weren’t close to coming. Coincidentally timed, as both of you didn’t want this night to be done so soon, your legs needed a break, so you got off Tom. After your temporary stretch, Tom positioned you bent over in front of him in the middle of the bed, specifically having you perfectly view the mirror next to the TV, while your bodies were paralleled with the large mirror atop the sink.

“Is this okay?” He pulled your body up for a bit to rub your tits softly. You two had bathroom sex once or twice, so the concept or mirror sex wasn’t new, but to see all parties’ bodies and faces bared like this? If you felt exposed before when he fingered you, you felt naked to the core here.

But you always did like it when you saw Tom’s expressions when he fucked you, and you could assume he liked it the same. Replying with a nod and a kiss, you bent yourself over and were on your knees once again for Tom. Carefully, he eased his cock into your pussy. Both of you groaned from the sensation once it was entirely inside and both of you saw the others’ raw reactions through the mirrors.

He started off slowly, partially to tease you, but partially for you to adjust to his length. During this position, Tom’s cock often hit you deeper than the others. Once you two acclimatized to each other, Tom quickened his pace.

At this point, you were only peering at the mirrors once or twice. To be honest, you were embarrassed to embrace yourself like this, but you were getting railed by Tom fucking Holland, and if that wasn’t something to indulge in through the mirrors, then what were you doing with yourself? You turned your head to glance at the sink mirror and observed Tom insert himself into you repeatedly with his tight ass and sculpted abs and arms. He was initially focused on watching himself fucking you until he glanced to view the beauty’s reactions through the mirror, but he was surprised to meet your eyes instead.

“You love it when you watch me fuck you?” He kept his gaze steady and the sound of your ass slapping against his body grew louder and louder along with the squeaking of the bed. You hoped no one would come knocking at your door. Shallow moans and rapid nods followed.

“You feel me deep in you?” Tom started to pound slower, but more intensely.

“Every—” A pound. An unprovoked, loud moan. “Every inch, Tom.”

“You-you love my cock?” he panted, now looking at the front mirror next to the TV. He felt himself nearing and fucked you more rapidly.

“Fuck, fuck,” The intense feeling in your abdomen area was rising once again. You must’ve been dripping wet and making a mess, but you were closing in on euphoria alongside your love and could care less. “Tom, I love your cock so much—fuck, don’t stop.”

Tom tried his best to continue for as long as he could, but he could only manage for only a few moments longer before he came in the condom within you. Both of you collapsed on the bed, heaving and panting heavily. Your legs and, especially, your pussy, convulsed, riding out the post-orgasms and the gratifying pain that would surely be felt in the morning. Thankfully you had the AC to not only cool you off immediately after, but you knew the smell of sex and sweat would be rampant without it.

Ensuing the clean-up, you and Tom snuggled together under the sheets as you laid on his chest with his arm around you. You looked up at Tom with tired eyes and a sweet smile.

“I can't bear to leave you again,” Tom whispered, lacing his fingers with yours. The reality of the near future—the end of your vacation—began to form in your minds and both of you pushed the images away for a little longer.

“You know you never really leave me,” you kissed his bare knuckle, rubbing the roughness he developed during movie shoots and working out. Then, you held his knuckle against your heart. “You’re always with me.”

Tom chuckled lightly, albeit cheesy, perhaps you were right. A kiss on the forehead resulted and he touched his forehead against yours.

“Same goes for you,” he whispered.

The two of you said your good nights and cuddled snugly until you two fell asleep.

Even after the vacation was finished, no matter what would happen, despite all the worries and anxieties you had, you knew that deep down this is a place you would always have and where you were supposed to be.

This is where home, haven, and heaven intersect and coexist—

In the arms of your love.

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #userkaylee #userlixi #one shot #n0t safe 4 w0rk

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