#science jokes

[officialboredom]

Massachusetts = Weightachusetts/Gravityachusetts

[liliamoon]

Out-Of-Context Quotes From My Geology Professor

In honor of the end of my finals week, I compiled a bunch of random quotes from my geology professor:

“There’s reality, and then there’s Boulder, Colorado.”

“The Earth slowly loses heat to space, so eventually Earth will solidify. Except by that time, the sun will have engulfed us and we’ll be vaporized, so!”

“In a billion years, the Earth will barely be habitable, but to be honest, I’m not really losing sleep over it.”

“What also floats in water? Jesus… and witches, and very small rocks.”

“My grandma is from Ohio— they don’t have rocks there.”

“But you can’t watch them after 10 p.m. because that’s when aliens go home.”

“So quartz-rich rocks are siliceous, clay-rich rocks are argillaceous, and the Black-Eyed Peas are Fergilicious.”

“I can just see everyone’s faces start glazing over when I get talking about national park bathrooms.”

“Don’t feel bad, I used to wear socks with sandals, too.”

“Anticline points up, syncline points down. You can remember this because anticline looks like an A, and syncline— if you sin, you’re going down.”

“Death doesn’t matter when you have credit card debt.”

“I’m an old schist.”

“See, look, that poor sheep will never be fossilized.”

“I would say the best place to find gold is… Jared’s?”

“Saltating benthos— I always thought that would be a good name for a band. I mean, it is kinda like a rolling stone.”

“WHY are we FRENCH?”

“There’s enough death to go around!”

“This is not a part of my regular curriculum, but the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser? That stuff works so well!”

“Do you want to see a picture of the moose that chased me this past weekend?”

Bonus: my American literature professor once said “I haven’t really had a near-death experience. If anything, it was the opposite: a near life experience. Y’know, like, I almost had a life.”

[seireiteihellbutterfly]

Me trying to flirt with Nanami as a biotechnologist

Me: Do you know which enzyme I'd wanna be?

Nanami: *knows better but asks anyway* which one?

Me : DNA helicase

Nanami : *visibly confused because that's actually an enzyme* ok...?

Me :... *waiting*

Nanami: *sighs* because?

Me : So that I can unzip your genes!

Nanami : *face palm and groans*

Ba dum tssss

Nanami masterlist

[shotsyfeather]

[crystallinewalker]

my science test: select all the organisms that were produced by asexual reproduction the actual correct answers: options a, c, and e

[troythecatfish]

One of those double standards you see everywhere

[anexperimentallife]

[no-lullaby]

this joke has layers

[badsciencejokes]

From Hooke's law, the spring constant can be calculated by multiplying the restoring force (F) and the displacement (x), making its SI unit is newton per meter (N/m)

Send this to your crush if you dare. 🤓

[illuminopseudonymous]

What elements would a die be made of?

Copper and beryllium, because it's a

[punstars]

[fiftysevenacademics]

Me, to a physicist: You're not just a friend. You're my boson buddy.

[eclipse081403]

I can just imagine aliens interested in researching Humans being super confused on how human came to be

[troythecatfish]

[anexperimentallife]

Just a reminder that you matter.

(Unless you multiply yourself by c squared; then you energy.)

[thenotherkid]

The existence of Alpha males and beta males implies the existence of a third, more mysterious Gamma male.