#so I'm sort of analyzing my own psyche

[justapixelthing]

Do you ever have moments where you hate your favorite ship? (Another Oot Zelink rant - electric boogaloo)

Here we go again I guess. For some context: I grew up with Ocarina of Time. I played the game since before I could even read (I was like 4 for sure). I had kind of a rough childhood so for me Oot was an escape. Link was my childhood friend. I identified with him but at the same time saw him as my closest companion.

And well to little me there was no doubt that Link and Zelda were a thing. Same with Mario and Peach (SM 64 was there at the same time for me). Like it was clear as day to me. I was a child and it shaped the way I would end up liking my relationships. A hero and the princess. And I even ended up getting my hero in real life and he likes to call me his princess. We've been engaged for a while now.

So because I grew up with it, before I even understood what shipping was, it was more than a ship to me. It was my childhood. My reality.

You also have to realize that before TP came out and even for several years after TP was there, oot Zelink was also still very popular.

Then closer to today, we have things like Hyrule Historia and.... Zelda youtubers all saying the same thing of how the Hero of Time canonically marries Malon (which ... is still a theory. Like youtubers saying it's what happens and not marking it as theory doesn't make it canon) and the majority of the fandom treats it as fact. And okay, I get why the theory is popular, though I still think it should be treated as theory.

But now you have everyone going against you. Oot Zelink content is most of the time depressing tragic and painful content. What once used to be stories of love and peace faded out for the most part. When you write a fic about oot Zelink being happy together or make art about it, people will tell you 'but Link banged Malon' and worse things. Like I'm not here to tell you Malink is impossible, but I do think (and I will die on that hill) that oot Zelink IS possible. But then I get insulted over it. Hell someone called me the T slur over it.

I'm not blind to the hints, but these two are engraved into my mind. And sometimes I actually DO wish I could stop shipping them and wish they would stop affecting me. But they don't because they were part of my growing up process. Now when I see content about them, things like simple tweets or opinions or even just Oot content in general, it can put me into total agony. Oot used to be one of my favorite games and now just looking at it can ruin my mood and put me at unease. All the hero's shade content basically feels as If I'm watching my childhood friend die over and over again (which is whole different topic in itself) and all the tragic oot Zelink content rips my heart out. All this also made me feel unable to really like TP, which is a shame, as it introduced some of my favorite things.

What also hurts is, that as a child I really liked Malon. She was one of the things in my life that inspired me to sing. But this whole situation and the way several fans are has made me detest her. I try to like her but I basically have to force myself to do so.

I'm never going to attack you for having a different ship than mine (unless its illegal). But this situation is really hard on me. I wish I could agree with Malinkers but I probably never will.

Who knows, maybe I am delusional. But seeing as Nintendo never has and likely never will confirm Malink and has pushed oot Zelink (Oot 3d promotional manga? Approving of the mangas that push oot Zelink, which includes the TP manga? Miyamoto literally saying he'd like to see Zelda as Links girlfriend in oot?! The whole ending of the game literally being set up like a romance film with a break up and a reunion!?) you can't tell me Nintendo never intended anything romantic to come from them. And using this I still feel in the right to ship them in a non AU way.

But because of how the situation is, I no longer like Oot as much as I used to. It was once the greatest game ever to me and I still objectively consider it as such, but it isn't as it used to be for me. Sometimes I even wish It didn't exist (though that would be a great injustice to the world if it didn't), because it upsets me too much. I hate seeing my childhood friend die and not get what he deserves. I detest the tragic oot Zelink path (though I do not mean to tell anyone that they shouldn't like it - this is just my personal experience and I get why others like it).

I do like some other things that are tragic - I mean one of my favorite films is Titanic, but I guess I grew up with those things already being tragic (imagine Titanic not being tragic! A literal historical disaster!)

It is shocking how much a simple thing like a ship and a character's fate can affect you mentally. Things that are part of your childhood, even fictional stories, can shape you quite strongly.

So yes, sometimes I hate this ship. Sometimes I love it, but when I love it, I usually need to be far away from the fandom.

I wonder if anyone else feels that way about this or another ship?

[phantombanquet]

Main Story: Diasomnia Book Chapter 8 Episode 7-117: Preparation for Departure! (Translation)

Episode 7-117

⚠️ Major Diasomnia spoilers! Proceed with caution.

translation by: phantombanquet

Idia: MALLEUS-SHI, HUH~~~~! 

THIS GRUDGE… SHOULD I LEAVE IT UNSETTLED~~!! ¹

If that happens, that pretentious inexpressive² guy, who usually keeps up his strong chara moves up in his sleeves…..

I can't help but feel sorry for myself if I don't see his pathetic figure sobbing with a runny nose and begging for forgiveness!

Now, what should I do…… Heh… Ehehehehehe!

Ortho: W-What a malicious scheming face…

This… May have angered someone who shouldn't be angered~

Idia: Heheh…… I'll show you. The ultimate power of a lone wolf³ trained in the gloomy “underworld.”

Just you wait, Malleus Draconia……

I'LL GET REVENGE BY SEIZING YOUR SPECIAL WEAKNESS!!!

Ortho: ……That's all.

From the magical disaster caused by Malleus Draconia until the awakening of Idia Shroud. This concludes the progress report.

Grim: Oohh~~! While we were fightin’ over in Lilia's dream, that's what happened to you guys.

Silver: I see. So Idia-senpai and Ortho are outside of the magical realm. It means that there is support coming from the real world. 

Idia: Y-Yeah, t-that sort of thing…… Well, for now, we'll be playing a dummy video on the surveillance camera for a short while……

I can only do this much.

Sebek: So, even if you have woken up, Malleus-sama will fail to notice and the “darkness” will not attack you.

Ortho: Yes.. And like I said earlier, Malleus-san is currently……

Focused on putting Lilia Vanrouge-san to sleep. 

So, I expect that he has not traced down the whereabouts of Silver-san and the others.

Sebek: Hm. I honestly want to praise your skills, but it is quite complicated when you are outsmarting Malleus-sama……

Idia: Well, that other guy is a battleship-like⁴ cheater so… We're still far off from completely capturing him.

Silver: However… I had no idea that Malleus-sama continued to expand his magical realm beyond the island……

Sebek: Furthermore, if the area is forcibly destroyed from the  outside, there is a possibility that the trapped person's psyche could also become destroyed!?

Grim: Somehow it's a real mess for real.

[Choice 1] Yuu: Can we do something about this?

[Choice 2] Yuu: (If this continues on, Tsunotarou will become the enemy of mankind.) 

Ortho: Yes. That's why we need your power!

Silver: Our… Power?

Ortho: Currently, the S.T.Y.X. staff is working together to assign ID numbers to the dreams of those trapped in the magical realm. 

During that time, we captured your magical reaction as you “moved around on your own” in the dream.

Silver: Could it be that it was my “Meet in a Dream?”

It's my unique magic that allows me to cross between dreams……

Ortho: Yes! That one, that one!

When traces of someone moving from one human dream to another were discovered, the engineers at S.T.Y.X. were in a commotion.

So that was Silver-san's unique magic, after all. Magic is a really mysterious power, huh.

Silver: However, my magic is to reliably travel to the dream of the person I'm targeting after, like you guys. I can't call someone into my dream.

I don’t know what else to say; it's hard to explain… It's a very intuitive kind of magic……

That’s why I was really surprised when Ortho appeared in the Dream Corridor and led us here. 

Ortho: What are you saying?

S.T.Y.X. prides themselves on their super computers and experts in magical engineering and magical analysis. 

They tried their best to analyze magic and they finally found a way to travel from dream to dream. 

Moreover, it is difficult to say that the current method is 100% reproducible so they said: “it's still a beta version.”

The mere fact that you can do it intuitively is astonishing.

Sebek: Hm. So the “power” that you need is Silver's unique magic?

Ortho: That's a part of it, too, but…

Sebek Zigvolt-san, Grim-san, and Yuu-san, your cooperation is essential.

Grim: Hmph! You're just trying to make us do the messy work, aren't ya!

Ortho: Wow♡ Grim-san, you talk too fast. 

[Choice 1] Yuu: This pattern is similar to the headmage……

[Choice 2] Yuu: I don't see any other reason to  be called out……

Sebek: Hmph, I don't like this sluggishness. Get to the point!!

Idia: S-So, uhhh……. While you guys were chattering in Lilia-shi's dream..

I-I was trying to think of a way to escape from my dream world……

Or rather, I've been trying to come up with a strategy to deal with Malleus-shi.

[Choice 1] Yuu: Is your strategy to get him to cry and beg for forgiveness while his nose is runny?

[Choice 2] Yuu: Is it a strategy to take revenge by capturing their special weakness?

Idia: Y-Yeah. That… Hih, hihi.

Anyhow, I made a video to explain that strategy…… W-Would you like to watch it?

Grim, Silver, Sebek: Video?

Idia: Waah~♪ Only good things have been happening lately~ It's so fun every day~ It's just like a dream~♬ Well. It was, in fact, really just a dream. Welcome, all you carefree people who live in the world of empty dreams. I am Idia Shroud. So for today, a cheat trick to create a dream world using magic — — was used by The Most Evil☆Final Boss Mage. Let me explain the strategy used by Malleus-shi. The magical realm that Malleus-shi created is kinda like a server running a huge MMORPG. And each dream of someone sleeping is managed individually. Malleus-shi is using himself and his alter ego to keep an eye on this server. To give you an idea, Malleus-shi is a server admin. And his alter ego is cracking down on users to commit violations in the online game — like a gamemaster. Malleus-shi, with the authority to operate and manage over the entire server, is currently in the state of a demon king who has the world right under his thumb.

Under Malleus-shi's control, we have NO chance of succeeding…… BUT! Because of the super geek hacker group S.T.Y.X. and Ortho's attack, all of the server's source code (construction formulas of the magical realm) has been analyzed and is now completely visible!

So — I'm going to use that data from my dream to develop and build a cheat tool. And then get rid of that damned invulnerable status! It seems like a perfect strategy at first glance, but in fact, there’s actually a flaw in this cheat strategy……. If Malleus-shi (the server admin) discovers this during development— IT'S GAME OVER IN AN INSTANT. But hold your horses! Despite that his alter ego uses autonomous magic, with the total population of Sage Island, monitoring and managing the dreams of about 20,000 people is not an easy task — even for Malleus-shi. If a problem happens here and there in your dream, there's a high chance that you'll have to deal with it by yourself! Therefore — I’ll be developing a cheat tool. I want you guys to catch Malleus-shi's eye and gather party members so we can subdue the demon king.

When everyone wakes up, we'll hand out invite codes that will allow them to travel to my dream.

Then, when all the preparations are ready, Malleus-shi will be lured to my dream and that's when the cheat tool that I developed turns on!! As planned, Malleus-shi's invulnerability will be canceled. And by using the invite codes that were diligently handed out, everyone will gather in my dream! We're going to beat him up with our sheer numbers of forces!

If things go as expected, Malleus-shi will also lift the spell and free us—! How was it!? “A lone wolf magician engineering guy explains how to capture the demon king in three minutes video.” If you think this video was good, leave a like! And this was Idia Shroud.

Grim, Silver, Sebek: ............

Idia: Ummm, e-everyone… Thank you for your attention. ⁵

Th-that’s why……

I ask you guys to go on a journey to gather “the strongest party members who will take on the challenge of defeating the demon king!”

Grim, Silver, Sebek: EHHHHH~~~!?

TO BE CONTINUED...

translator notes:

¹ - 「この怨はらさでおくべきか」 is an old Kansai (Osaka) dialect phrase. This phrase, although it seems like one will forever hold a grudge, actually means something along the lines of: “Shall I leave this grudge unresolved? (No, I actually have to solve this),” due to how the phrase is structured (which would be too deep to delve into but it’s mainly because of the か and べき/べし in the phrase).

² - 「スカしま」 is a Japanese slang usually used as an insult

³ - 「陰キャ」 is yet another Japanese slang used to describe someone with a gloomy or reserved personality or introverts. I used a known English slang instead of translating literally to preserve the meaning of the word.

⁴ - 「弩級 (どきゅう)」 is the Japanese translation of “Dreadnought,” which is a type of battleship in the early 20th century. Idia was just being a nerd again by using game-like terms so I decided to stick with using “battleship” instead of the literal translation.

⁵ - I wanted to note that Idia addressed them as 「皆様」which is a polite way of addressing others due to the inclusion of 様 (sama). Also, the “thank you for your attention” line was written as 「ご清聴アリガトウゴザイマシタ」 in the text instead of the usual 「ご清聴ありがとうございました」 which I think it's just to note Idia's personality www.

personal notes: this wasn't jp proofread so there might be inaccuracies;;; additionally aniplex jp actually posted the "how to subjugate the demon king" video but it's only available in japan.. you can still access it by using a vpn though~

[quibbs]

if its ok to ask do you have any recommendations, of like, songs, movies, tv shows, books, comics, webcomics,,,, like. literally anything of the sort. and similarly, if its ok to ask, what inspired soil that binds us?

ok sorry this took me so long to answer! i just kept thinking about it instead of writing about it. a problem that is common for me, lol. anyway i think pieces of media that tend to have the strongest effect on me tend to be bittersweer, have a particular focus on interconnectivity between everyone involved, and are character focused/character dynamic focused. that's what tends to wring the most inspiration and joy out of me. i also really love pieces of media that are bad but are made with so much sincerity and passion that it does NOT matter to me how bad it is- i also find those pieces of art UNFATHOMBLY inspiring.

so: soil that binds us i think spiritually had 4 influences that shines above the rest.

-NARUTO [sincere, long form, teen-oriented, shonen energy, the power of love and friendship will save us, action scenes and BLOOD, the fun matters most for a lot of it],

-HOMESTUCK [exceedingly complicated, irreverent, balancing vulnerable and invulnerable in a clinically insane way, emphasis on the protagonists psyche, interconnectivity as a priority, kind of expecting you to get lost along the way, the fun matters most]

-THE LAST OF US [a game that inspires literally everything I will ever do forever, inspired me to be more vulnerable, character driven, post-apocalyptic, finding light and tenderness whilst trapped in HELL through your relationships with others, excels in the feeling of bittersweet, etc]

-anddd DRAGON AGE [another game that literally inspires everything i do, interconnectivity, character focused/character dynamic focused, sincere, good balance of gritty and silly, the first thing i turn to to analyze characters for because none of those characters have ever left my head after 15 years .]

those are my biggest media inspirations for soil that binds us but, especially as a teenager, music shaped what directions i took the characters like playdough. a lot of what defined my characters came from this playlist as i was writing them. i always started with the feeling first (which songs are good at) and then expounded upon the feeling i found in the song in written form. highly reccomend it!!! music is so inspiring and i always turn to it when i'm stuck.

as for tv shows/movies- despite the fact that he is (rightfully) extremely clowned on now, a lot of joss whedon works shaped my skull. buffy the vampire slayer and it's less good spin-off show angel DO live in my brain forever and in a special little hall of it's own. i'm pretty sure it inspired a lot of dragon age, too, so there you go.

i wish i had more comics/books to recommend you, but i actually don't read a lot of them these days!!! which is ironic, i know. i just keep losing time. I think maybe the closest written thing i can think of that is similar to my comic is the locked tomb trilogy- and that was a series that was ALSO heavily inspired by homestuck. same with undertale. so maybe look out for anything homestuck seems to have inadvertently given birth to!! i wish you luck on your hunt for comics that scratch the itch for you.... i know they're out there, and if they're not, give it a few years haha. homestucks reach is very far. GOOD LUCK!

[chaifootsteps]

Armchair Psychology Anon here (not a real Psych just seeing patterns)

I uh... hmm.

So Lilith/Eve is the true villian, wanting to destroy the relationship of Charlie and Lucifer?

Of course it is. (If true).

And her liking these tweets of Luci x Lilith lately makes a whole lot more sense. The fans are most likely not going to take this well if this leak is true. Also, it makes sense that her trading card crops out her face, gives her no last name, and makes her look sinister as hell. She also still has not yet had her VA revealed and no real good look at her.

I just... it's interesting as well that Alastor is secretly sent to protect Charlie. (Male character, too, of course. And seeing someone say he's also a father figure now makes sense as well.) I always liked the idea that he was secretly going to turn on the Hotel and Charlie (or just leaves) and be an obvious hidden antagonist. And it's interesting that Charlie DOES end up forgiving her. Viv mentioned spending time with her mom over the holiday, so it's clear that perhaps that they do have some sort of civil relationship at the very least.

And of course, the Root of Evil is a woman.

Chai, I say this as nicely as possible, especially after carefully analyzing and seeing the complaints of HB as a whole, and that recent interview with Brandon asking about how women are written, and about Ghostfuckers (whilst also knowing about the leaks of it). Also likes silly tweets about being depressed, and most of her main cast of Helluva consists of depressed characters. Especially Stolas (who is also rich, and Vuv defends like crazy (He's her self insert/her father rolled into one character). That one is not too hard to see. Most people are depressed these days (myself included).

Vivienne needs therapy.

She needs it if she hasn't already been getting it.

I understand that writing out trauma is therapeutic. I have author friends who do it. I do it myself. But I also see my own therapist every week.

She clearly hates women. She loves her own father and incorporates loving father/daughter relationships into her own work and clearly does not let anything get in the way of that.

That's why the main character is allowed to be woman. Because it's Viv and the relationship with her own father. Charlie is also bi... which Viv is apparently too.

Something else I've noticed is older bad dads.

Which is ironic because God punishes Lucifer (his son) and Luci wants to be good for Charlie.

I think it's quite possible that maybe her grandfather was not as kind to her father, as her father is to her. See Crimson to Moxxie (it can be assumed Moxxie wants children and would be a loving father). See Paimon to Stolas, and Cash to Blitzo.

But then, going down the line of the newer fathers being better to their daughters. Stolas tries with Octavia (doesn't try very well), Blitz REALLY tries with Loona, Millie's dad seems to have a healthy relationship with her. Perhaps her father has shared with her that his relationship with his dad wasn't great and that he wanted to be a better father to her and her sisters. And whatever her mother did to her/her father...yikes.

Her latest IG post also does mention being depressed about "plans changing" and that food from her dad helps.

I just... wow. Viv can be so easily read. She really doesn't leave anything hidden. And she can't stop herself from writing out her truth.

And that's not going to go over with the fans or public at all, I'm sure of it.

It is also interesting to have a male voicing Katie Killjoy. Hmm. Not that I have a problem with men voicing women, but when it comes to Viv... I don't have a good feeling about it. I've also noticed Brandon seeming a bit miserable in his IG posts and his HH ones don't seem very excited either.

I think his declining views on his own channel other than the 2 HB ones say a lot. Especially when he's clearly trying to placate Viv by saying he's "one of the worst writers of HB".

Chai... oof. I don't know what else to say. We'll just see what comes next.

Thank you for all of this, Armchair Psychology Anon. Your writeups are always fascinating to read, in a haunting sort of way.

I don't know what's going on in Viv's personal life and family history, but all this is pointing to something that demands a really good therapist. Viv being an awful person doesn't negate that.

[fatheriimaginedyoutaller]

(SCRIPT PREVIEW)

Hey ya'll. Hope you're all having a great afternoon! I'm here to bring you a little update about this post.

After watching some video essays for inspiration, I began developing a draft for a script about Robin: Son of Batman (2015). Analyzing the story implications, themes and motifs! :)

And because ya'll been so supportive of my nerdy endeavours, you guys are getting a special preview of the aforementioned draft! (criticisms accepted of course!)

Part of the script avaliable under cut

tagging in: @fancyfade @fluffykitty149 @cleoeatsit

The first issue of the comic run starts with Damiam returning some sort of cultural artifacts to their rightful owners; an order of monks in mainland China.  So, immediately, we got this Tomb Raider/Indiana Jones kind of plot point.  

(Man I sure hope it doesn’t get abandoned halfway through and pivots to portraying  the replacement of an autocracy with another autocracy where the head of state its not even from the country as a good thing)

ahem…

He gets interrupted by League of Assassins members which he fights off with the help of his pet, Goliath the Bat-dragon. He wins said fight and is lavished for returning the sacred object by the locals

All while a masked figure is observing the scene while saying: 

“(...) there cannot be redemption for the year of the blood”

This introduction to the comic is interesting because it highlights the main narrative theme and framing device of the whole story: The Quest for Redemption.

Before we even know exactly what Damian is doing and why he's doing it. We know he's looking to mend a rift. To make a past wrongdoing right. And then we find out someone wants to stop him…

This forms an interesting parallel with real life survivors of schoolyard abuse aka bullying.

Now, hear me out…

 Many kids (especially those with conditions such as autism) are manipulated by their bullies into doing bad things to other children. They generally do this by preying on their loneliness and desire to be accepted by their peers. And so said kids carry out acts of hazing to other children, perpetuating a cycle of harm.

A cycle which is hard to escape from. Because if you hurt someone, regardless of if you were manipulated or not, that person will probably not trust you after the fact. And if you add into account the environment of a school, where rumors spread like wildfires, there's a high chance you develop a bad reputation. Cause other people have no way of knowing you did it while being threatened into being a social pariah. It's a no win situation.

Damian's story is simile to this. Sure, the acts he carried out were far more extreme and he was not manipulated by an outsider but by his own grandfather, Ra’s Al Ghul.  But the effects of his psyche, development and public perception are all the same.

Think about it: His claims to being either the Blood Son or the Grandson of the Demon  are basically him trying to justify his existence  to a family that, for all he knows, could abuse him again. Which leads him to having a thought process where he has to be the best of the best in the room, cause the only other alternative is death. and for that he’s punished. Even though no one ever bothered to teach him the normal social protocols for a boy his age. 

So when you make that reading of Damian, and put into the context of a story where he, by his own volition, decides he’s gonna try and reverse all the harm he caused while being essentially groomed. You get something really powerful.

Well…kind of…

There’s a few things that stuck out with the framing of this arc. The most glaring one being: this arc takes place after he comes back from the dead. After being trapped in hell for the better part of a year after being killed by his own clone.

By making Damian’s journey for redemption take place after he’s been through literal Hell, there’s the subtle implication that he’s not doing it out of his own free will, but to avoid some sort of celestial punishment.

And that’s not a bad idea per se, if the comic acknowledged that implication. Because it does put an interesting question into the table. “Does it matter why we do good things? As long as we do them?” Does it matter if Damian doesn’t kill anymore because of “selfish” reasons. After all, why would an orphan he saves from a fire care if he used to be bad or not? Should that matter to anyone?

That last part is a testament, I think, to how much better executed some ideas that writers at DC have would be if they played them straight. If they acknowledged the implications of their writing instead of just doing something because they thought it would be cool or dramatic. 

[entomolog-t]

Ohh we’re being evaluated huh?

My favorite scenarios are ones involving curious giants and tinies that desperately want to run away but can’t

A tiny is trapped and a giant finds them, helping them out of the trap and offering safety, food, even letting them go. The tiny is suspicious— what could this giant possibly want? There’s no way that they’re just being kind for the sake of it, everything they’d ever been told suggested that all giants were evil and they should be dead or in a jar right now. The tentative curiosity and choice to stay of the tiny toasts my eggs and scrambles my bread. The initial terror turned confusion turned curiosity turned delight. Mwah, chef’s kiss.

Also the reverse, where a giant who hates tinies gets stuck with one and slowly comes to realize that they absolutely adore them. I love those equally as much.

Dying to know if this says anything about me, assuming you’re still doing these ^^ /nf

BACK IN OFFICE BABY

This is quite the interesting scenario to discect.

So the main theme of note would be subverted expectations- interestingly, this tends to crop up quite frequently in G/t media.

Typically, this can imply some sort of projection of the self, or some reframing of another.

The main thing I would suggest to consider are the traits associated with the giant, as well as what the tiny/and possibly others think of the giant.

Even if you are more tiny aligned, I would still take the time to consider what traits are shown, and ask yourself if any of those reflect personal feelings.

A regularly occurring theme is to project ones own attributes that we see as misunderstood or overlooked onto the giant. Being shy, or intimidating can lead to us feeling unapproachable, and plant that seed in our subconscious that "If only someone got to know me, they would see that I'm [Defining Trait]"

Though that is certainly not the only route. There is another common trend in G/t, and fantasy as a whole, to reframe negative emotions- even fantasizing a different resolution. Do the "scary" traits of the giant remind you of a time you were wronged by someone? It might be that your brain is trying to reframe it to help with coping. The reframing allows for fantastical leeway to suggest they were not actually wronging you- their intentions were just misunderstood. Those thoughts help the mind to feel more in control because it shifts the blame from someone not liking you or intentionally hurting you to being a misunderstanding- a far more comforting concept that being malicious.

Reframing doesn't have to just occur with the giant archetype either. The tiny holds bias and preconceived notions of how they anticipate someone "dangerous" to act. Does the tiny remind you of anyone? perhaps someone that judged you over something you could not change?

As weird as it may be to say, the brain likes metaphors. There is a great deal of meaning within our subconscious imagery. Peeling back the layers and trying to determine what each character represent is quite the peak into the inner workings of our psyches.

Theres also another very interesting projection that could be occurring on the tiny. Do they share any negative or mistaken traits? Are these traits mirroring traits of your own?

The fact the tiny cannot comprehend why someone would be nice for the sake of being nice to them could be very telling about our own internal self reflection- and its important to analyze what traits of our own we might see of as unworthy of unconditional love/kindness.

I hope this breakdown could offer you some insight into the inner workings of this dynamic trope!

Thank you for attending this session, please see my secretary on the way out to book any follow up appointments.

[marshmallowprotection]

You don't have to answer this if you don't want, but I've recently started reading a lot of your analysis posts and especially enjoy the ones where you discuss mental health and such..are you a psych major or anything like that? You just seem to have a very good grasp on mental health (even if it's about fictional characters, it still feels very realistic and worded well)

I am not a psych major nor do I claim to be an expert of anything I am not an authority on. I'm vastly interested in the human mind and how it affects us, however. I started studying different psychology material when I was in high school almost a decade ago because I wanted to better understand my mind. So, I've picked up a lot of different things since then, but I'd never say I'm well-knowledgeable or anything. Always take my words with a grain of salt, do your own research, and if you're struggling, find a trusted friend and counselor to help you in your time of need!

My thoughts are simply that. They're my thoughts and perception of the media and aren't the end all be all of the game. People are allowed to read into the game how they want! But, I love sharing how it appears to me, personally, whenever someone has questions about the way I see things! The more we grow, the more we learn, as long as you're open to experiences and different trains of thought. That's how we never get set in our ways. Always be open to change and adapt as needed.

I put a lot of care into how I write my thoughts on the way I analyze and study any sort of characters I'm interested in because I feel it's so important to have a well-rounded understanding of a character when I'm writing them or talking about them. The better I understand them, the more I feel close to them, and the better I feel when it comes to trying to write them for personal stories.

[titoist]

the thing i'm feeling is a good thing. one might be tempted to describe it as a "really good thing". but for the sake of humbleness & hedging my bets i'm going to just say it's a good thing

since around the time last night that i posted the text sort of worriedly analyzing a propensity i held within myself for a specific kind of stress, i have been operating under the influence of this tinge over my cognitive interior, this internal ambience, this mood. it's been present almost uninterruptedly along varying degrees of intensity for those 24 hours. it felt at it's most quiet & latent immediately after i woke up, & began to be at it's strongest roughly 2 or 3 hours after that, it's peak lasting constantly until roughly 2 hours ago - what this mood consists of is happiness & relief. it also consists of the word "monumental", which i think can feasibly be affixed like an accessory or variable to any given mood despite not being a mood in it's own right. "monumental sadness; monumental everything"

i think in describing this mood i face this familiar hesitation where, whenever i feel anything that strikes me as incredibly important & unique, especially when goodness is part of the equation, expressing it feels like an immense risk. i fear that the mood is too fragile to be exposed to the rules of language, & through the sharp density of words it will be broken. even when i am feeling it i am filled with a sense of how passing & transient it surely must be, it survives only in the shadow of my mind, & writing is the light that will dissipate it & reveal it as the childish, manic fantasy it was. but a good side-effect of the peak of my feeling this way was a resulting lack of care for the invented complexities of writing. so it would not be true & fair to the spirit of it if i started caring now.

i felt the intensity of it slowly starting to taper off around the time i went out for a walk to the bazaar, & in the immediate period of my coming back i think i felt too hot & exhausted to be able to access it. i am feeling it slowly buzz back into the back of my mind, now. i don't know how long it will last; experience has taught me to be cynical. but all i can do is water it & hope there proves to be a lasting truth beneath the immediate feeling

i am starting to get a sense that maybe the entire history of the world has consisted of 117 billion people attempting to find a way to prolong this feeling into eternity

what it was:

it was like the excited purity & absence of inhibition of being a child who has just learned how to play. i felt clean. i entertained the thought that my persistent discomfort over the last 3 years has been the natural insecurity of something that has sloughed itself of it's skin but has yet to convincingly cover itself with anything else, not even necessarily in the predictable sense of identity. i felt suddenly and overwhelmingly like the model of personhood, nature, which had been carved into my psyche as a model i fell maddeningly short of was, in fact, my own nature. it felt like the veil lifted from my eyes and i collided with myself. i clicked together so accurately that it seemed impossible, impossibly delightful, the impossible delight of self-acquaintance -- & yet it was the logical conclusion of everything i had ever gone through.

it felt impossible that anything could be so clean

it felt like undoing a curse. it felt like what i imagine psychosis must feel like, to the extent that i have had an intuitive sense since childhood that if i ever fell into psychosis it might take the form of numerous things i had always wanted to be true appearing to be so

i felt my own heart appearing from indiscriminate white noise

it is good, the thing i am feeling.

i have been using the word "feel" very deliberately, to the extent that this is the realm of passion. here is what i think: i don't know if it's possible to suddenly come into possession of all of these experiences & revelations fully & truthfully within the span of 24 hours. i think i will spend the rest of my entire life attempting to achieve even one of these senses lastingly, finally. but i can't not appreciate this. i can't not hold unendurable hope. i am grateful that it has been proven to me that i am able to feel this way, even if only for 24, 25, 25 & a half hours.

[vitospaghetta]

how did you get so good at analysing characters? :)

Anon you're so sweet. 🥺🥺🥺

It's hard for me to give a good concise answer, but if I really try to break it down, I think it comes down to a few things. Whenever I analyze a character I view them/their situation/their experiences realistically, without bias, and with empathy.

I put myself in their shoes and apply my own real world knowledge and life experiences in order to formulate a general idea of how a character might be affected in a given moment, even if our experiences aren't shared. Then I apply what I know about the character — canonical information that's been provided, patterns that I've picked up on, the character's personality, what I know about their background, the things I've seen — and build upon that base concept.

Approaching things realistically is very important to me. I attribute real life knowledge to everything. Real feelings, concepts, experiences, etc. I don't ever want to approach a character from a perspective that isn't true to who they are or true to how life is.

I seriously think a big part of good character analysis is taking everything you know for certain into account and viewing those things from an unbiased perspective. Take what you want from a franchise or a character out of the equation completely. Like when I analyze Leon, I'm taking things like his personality, his trauma, his age, the eras he's lived through, how he interacts with other characters, his flaws, and the demographic in which he's written for all into account. I'm not fishing to certain qualities; I'm strictly taking what we know from the source material. When you have a good sense of who a character truly is, it's easier to get into their head so-to-speak.

Also, despite this not being the path I found myself on in life, I'm sure having a background in psychology helps to a degree. A lot of those concepts are hammered into my brain, and it's easy to sort of draw red thread from an event to a behavior when you've been taught how to do so. Not that that's saying much. The aforementioned things are vastly more important. You can understand psych concepts all day long, but it's how you choose to apply them that ultimately matters.

[emmondsokolov]

//Pacing around the kitchen and thinking about OCs and not sure where to put this so y'all are getting it on here :)

Anyone who's stuck with me long enough and seen me develop characters or rp with me knows how much I love to delve into and explore character psyche.

Every single one of my OCs will have at least one mental illness or disability, not a single one gets by me unscathed. And it's not like that's my intended goal from creation! It usually starts with an idea or a design I think could work, or a story element is missing and I build someone up to fill that hole. They get a loose backstory, and a personality to go with it. Then I set them free inside my brain and let them mingle with my friend's OCs for a few instances.

Maybe a month or so later, after fleshing out their backstory more and seeing how they respond when put in situations, I'll sit back and just... Analyze them. Pick them apart. And have a big think over why they are that way. Their personality will almost always change from what they're first presented with. For example, Urzula was a much more cool and collected mageslayer, reserved and polite, but deadly when necessary. Now I know her reserved and quiet nature comes from a place of anxiety and she is very timid, especially in regards to how other people perceive her, and avoids killing as much as possible where it can be avoided.

I don't particularly have the medical training or knowledge to back me up 100%, but I have my own and many of my friends and family's experiences to draw from and add to my understanding. And when I don't have the word for a particular condition, my partner is especially good at tracking down and researching symptoms, and finding what they can add up to.

BEAR WITH ME I'm rambling and haven't even reached what I wanted to say yet.

And I'm not sure how exactly to lead into this but, all of this is to say:

Antisocial Personality Disorders are extremely interesting to read about, namely psychopaths and sociopaths. And I think more people could stand to consider this for their characters!

Most people only think of the most extreme cases and villains for these conditions, and media does portray them in a very misleading way. Psychopath is also used as a common insult or tease flung around willy nilly at anyone so much as acting a little bit goofy or even having a nervous breakdown.

To save further rambling, this is a very very very basic breakdown of the two so I can get on with it.

All of this is to say, Marloix is definitely a psychopath. Combined with crippling depression and substance abuse he even displays sociopath behavior sometimes.

Aleks is another OC I had for a long time who I also pinned as a psychopath years ago, although her whole demeanor is very different to Marloix. She also has depression but has a lot more of her shit together.

Nelandrie has a lot of similarities to some sociopath traits, but hers all comes from severe PTSD, and contrary to what one may be led to believe, she does care. She cares a lot. And has 100 years give or take of coping mechanisms to squash all that down into a pointy little box in her heart. She has anger and impulse issues, a desperate need to be in control at all times, and certainly a power complex of some sort. I'm still figuring her out.

This is getting long enough already so I won't bore my minuscule followers with further details unless anyone asks me to elaborate on anything. I'm happy to talk about this sort of thing in further detail, as you may have noticed this is an interest of mine.

[bustlingresurrection]

Do not let me introduce myself, because that is exactly what I'm going to further discuss. I usually just straight-out delve into things, and whatever people understand of it, is. To them, not to me. I am who I am to myself.

In a world where I prefer to express and let others interpret, I simply talk of my passions and subjects of interest. From those people might get to know me, not from self-proclaimed titles. Some might say I never talk of myself - but I do. All the time. I just don't explicitate it, because people are never explicit. If they think they are, they're just blind or lying.

I'll take my chances and just say a couple of things that might sit right or might just not with some people, in case anyone is interested (I certainly am).

On the ENFP-INFP dilema:

While one might look at ENFP and say, oh, they're an extravert so they must be random and all over the place and cheerful and hyped, well, one forgets about the NFP part of the problem. NFP, especially NP, is generally an introverted area of MBTI. Why? Because you take information from the outside world, but you process it internally, in your own space, judgement-free. It requires quite a lot of depth and care, so ENFP is not necessarily a superficial sort, but rather they gather information, understand it, and then they excitedly share it with the world. The inside-outside interaction is sentimental and informational, not energetical. They don't require energy from others, like a textbook extravert would, but rather they send energy into the world, and yet without feeling immediately drained like an introvert would.

An INFP, in this scenario, would gather all this information, would process all these emotions, and then they'd just keep it mostly to themselves. Or, if they would indeed feel the need to free themselves of it, they'd write it down, perhaps publish the thing, just as long as it doesn't require a more continuous direct interaction.

In both cases, however, we have Ne, which means neither are recluse. The INFP doesn't hide from people, they just don't feel the same need for sharing. They do, however, like to observe, to analyze, to understand the outside world, they are interested in the outside world.

Can ambiverts exist? Right in the middle, no. There's always going to be something that tips the balance one way or the other. There's no ANFP. But one can fluctuate between ENFP and INFP. Jung himself, who defined the introvert-extravert terminology and put it to use, didn't like it being a way to indefinitely label people, because the human psyche and personality is dynamic, it is a living thing, and therefore it is perpetually changing, evolving, adapting. Perhaps the reason for being an introvert and retreating from the world is mistrust caused by past trauma, and once that is healed, the person doesn't hide anymore. Perhaps they become an extravert. Or perhaps the reason for them being extraverted was their need to fit in and be accepted, and once that is out of the way and dealt with, they might even prefer to spend more time with themselves.

The point is not to label anyone or anything. What do we need labels for? Perhaps one fluctuates between all of these, N/S, F/T, P/J. I've certainly seen a couple such cases, and they weren't dysfunctional, they weren't standing out, they weren't trying to seem special. Nothing is fixed in life, and searching for something to fixate upon is just going to cage you if you take it too seriously.

With the risk of being bashed for it, I'll argue that the same thing happens with sexuality and gender identity nowadays. The groups get smaller and smaller and there's a name for each one and nobody likes themselves anymore until they've found the right name for themselves. The pronouns are boxes, however comfortable and convenient they might be. Because one might think LGBTQA+ is just one big family and friendly community, but it isn't. Why? Variability. It can never be uniform, sexuality is a spectrum. How can one assume that about this community and, in the same manner, how can they assume it about the so-called majoritary "straight" one? Nothing is, in fact, majoritary, when we're talking about the soul, the psyche, the mind - basically, only the appearance may be majoritary, and we're afraid to look beyond it. That's what labels are for, after all, right? Appearance. We concern ourselves too much with how we appear, with how we present ourselves, and too little with how we actually are. We don't let ourselves just be. How we're called has become part of who we are, and that is why this is such a sore subject to approach - if done tactlessly, we are hurt, our identity is hurt, because we've unknowingly linked our identity to how others identify us. Our image is no longer our own, but a reflection of the outside world. We let others tell us who we are, or we tell them who we are and when they try to correct us we feel the need to defend ourselves - as if identity was written on a board and they could just erase and rewrite it. They can't. We are who we are. That is all, no need for protecting something that is untouchable.

Similar to this is religion. Spirituality is personal and untouchable, and yet religion implies communion, and a community. However, community isn't unity. Why do we feel the need to negate a person's religious identity just because it differs from ours? How many conflicts and wars and massacres have been led in the name of religion and in the name of protecting religious identity over the course of history? Too many. It's interesting then, really, that religion and sexuality are similar concepts. Labelling. Thinking belief can be uniform when it is the most intimate of things. If we all are different, then each of our beliefs are different. Exclusion, then, is just as useless as inclusion. Live and let live, believe and let believe, love and let love, these are the most important. We see so many people claiming to be Christians, Muslims, Buddhists etc., but they're all just names in the end - not the appearance, but the inside of a soul is what matters, and if a Christian murderer is more accepted than an atheist saint, then what in God's name are we doing? Isn't it much simpler not to let names define us, and just state our beliefs, if asked? We use our beliefs as weapons, as shields, as banners, but we actually have no idea what faith is and what value means. I've seen too many Believer-Nonbeliever fights online and I can just say that they are all defending something that cannot be reached by any external factor anyway. Atheists are believers too, and they hold their belief just as close to their hearts as anyone else. Belief is sacred, and unique - and definitely labelless. If we put a name to it, it becomes hollow. You will never find two Christians who believe the same way in their hearts, no matter what comes out of their mouths. If you want to experience God, you have to experience God. Experience is individual - belief is individual - identity is individual - personality is individual. Groups are meant to have at least one common trait, not to be completely identical - remember that.

On the same subject one might also argue the Enneagram. How complicated must we make it in order for us to fit in it? There are so many variants it makes my head hurt, and all it does at the end of the day is put people in little boxes and find excuses for them, or explanations for their behaviours on the principle that everything has a cause and a scope (it doesn't, some things just are). People don't like to be. People want to be something. A character that fits a description. It's gotten quite out of control, really. The reason behind this is that they need the reassurance that there's someone out there just like them, that there is in fact a whole group that resembles them in certain aspects, because then they won't feel defectuous anymore, or left out, or like an alien, an outsider. They'll feel included and perfect, in their own unique, but not too unique, way. I might say, the desperate need for affiliation is, in fact, the real sin here.

There is a certain percentage of accuracy to these things. To categorising in any way. It never reaches 100%. And even if it does, that 100% is merely 1% of who you are. There is much more to you than MBTI or Enneagram or The Big 5 or sexuality or religion or your sign or your tattoo or anything else.

Surely, I myself could go and say, oh, I'm a 749 - so/sx - 7w8 4w5 - slxei - ENFP/INFP - IEE-1Fi - WLEP - ELVF etc., but I'm not going to reduce myself to that. It's too little of who I am (it starts to look like a barcode anyway - perhaps that's what they meant by The Number of the Beast, eh? I am not a number; I am a free man! - hope you enjoyed that reference as much as I did). Even if I went further and explained all my astrological aspects, how I've got 🌙 and 🔆 as dominant planets that give me intuition and sensibility, enthusiasm and passion, followed by 🪐 which gives me good communication and oratory skills, it wouldn't be enough (I can actually go into much more details astrologically, but even then it wouldn't be enough). I could say I've got an Indigo primary aura and Crystal secondary aura, and it wouldn't be enough. I could even plaster my handwriting on tumblr and start to analyse it, letter by letter. And it still wouldn't be enough.

Sure, I prefer all these things, astrology, graphology and auras for understanding a person, because they require less labelling and more variables. But they are all pieces of a puzzle and it never is complete. If we want to actually understand ourselves and each other fully, communication is key - with ourselves: introspection, and with others: empathy. These are the tools. Not tests. Not names. Those are just, let's say, like the toys children play with and chew on and dismember and reassemble to start to understand what makes them tick - but that's just foundation. We can't stop there and say we discovered the entire universe while we're still in the cradle.

That being said, I love all things psychological, as long as they help me and others out in any way, even if just for fun. They're useful, but not unchallangingly definitory and definitely not the endline to our story - because our story never ends.

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

Ask me anything, DM me, etc. etc.

I love a good chat now and then.

[missingn000]

do you think rika wanted yuuta to suffer/is a bad person? /gen

this got extremely long, so answer below cut

i think this is very difficult to say. honestly? i think, even in life, there was something deeply psychologically wrong with rika. take a look at her character sheet:

at 11 years old, she was able to manipulate adults. her own grandmother thought she killed both her parents. she was extremely possessive of yuuta even in life and stole her dead mother's ring to give to him. but many of these raise a lot of strong questions. why did she dislike older men? does this point to some sort of trauma we didn't learn about? why does she dislike everyone but yuuta? that doesn't just happen.

she clearly intended to isolate yuuta in some way and keep him to herself. does this mean she wanted to hurt him or make him suffer? not necessarily. it could have been, in her mind, a way of protecting him, that she thought only she could make him happy. that only she should make him happy.

it's hard to analyze the psyche of a character we only knew in death and from one character sheet that raises far, far more questions than answers. gege has said that as a curse, very little of her actual human will was left. however, there is a quote in vol0 that has always, always bothered me. it's this:

she was...happier in these six years than when she was alive. really? you mean the six years where yuuta was completely isolated in self-hatred, tried to take his own life multiple times, and was ostracized by everyone, even his own family? that was FUN and HAPPY to you? jesus, that is so messed up. this is why i just can't understand why people like curse rika, though i'm sure not many people latched onto this line as hard as i did. but it's extremely noteworthy, in my opinion. was she saying it just to console him? maybe. we can truly never know. how much of this rika was the rika he knew in life, and not just the barely-present-minded curse rika?

in any case, even if she was a curse, i think it would be very difficult to say that she had no idea he was suffering. his first panel in vol0 is trying to stab himself, for fuck's sake. but as a curse, she claimed to be trying to protect him from bullies, even if it all completely backfired. it's hard to psychoanalyze a curse, or at least one that isn't as articulate as one like mahito. it's also a stretch to call any 11 year old a bad person, though if the implications of her character sheet are true and she actually killed her own parents, there's...not a lot of getting around that, is there? even so, that might point to a deeper psychological issue rather than just rika being "a bad person."

sorry, i know this is a lot of rambling to not arrive at a super conclusive answer, but i think it's all i'd feel qualified to give. she was 11. her character sheet is so genuinely insane that it makes you question everything you ever knew about her. her will as a curse vs when she was human was basically gone. what the fuck is up with that line in her death speech. there are just so, so many unknowns.

as for my own personal opinion -- she made yuuta, one of my favorite characters ever, suffer so deeply. i can't stand her. clearly, i have put a lot of thought into this. i like to think i haven't misunderstood her, and i think the above shows that. but, y'know, these things are subjective; it's how character opinions are. if someone likes her, i wouldn't hold it against them. she's certainly a very interesting character.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter one - “to wakanda”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.5k

synopsis: reader works for what used to be shield as a highly skilled neuropsychologist. after the events in vienna involving the sokovia accords and a bombing, she gets an interesting request from friend and coworker sharon carter...a request involving none other than steve rogers and james barnes.

warnings: brief and indirect mentions of abuse/trauma

pairings: bucky x fem!reader

"I don't know Sharon. Are you sure I'm really the right person for this? I'm not, like, an Avengers level tech. Are you sure they don't want a genius or someone like Stark to do it?"

"Well, Stark is pretty busy right now, and honestly, no one knows psych like you. Not who I've met anyway."

"That is so not true. I'm willing to bet there's tons of other people you guys got somewhere who are ten times what I am."

"Agent (Y/L/N), in case you missed it, SHIELD isn't what it used to be. Sure we have old agents who aren't formally 'SHIELD agents,' anymore, but we don't have the expendability we used to. You're our best bet at the moment."

"Damn. I'm your best bet. I'm sorry," she almost chuckled, but then she thought for a brief moment. "Are you sure this is completely necessary? I mean, I saw the photo on the news. The quality's poor at best, and..."

She leaned in, discretely, and whispered.

"...not to seem like a conspiracy theorist commie or anything, but it kinda seems like people are jumping to conclusions here. Are we even sure it was Barnes who set off the bomb?"

Sharon looked around them, cautiously. No one seemed to be listening, but she scanned the room like her life as she knew it was hanging in the balance. She weighed her words in her head, making sure she picked the right ones, then formulated a response appropriate.

"Regardless of if it was him or not, Barnes still escaped. and before that, Ste-we'd been looking for him for almost two years. This analysis is necessary," Sharon brought her voice down even lower. "At least that's what I keep being told. Of course I'd like there to be more solid proof, but I'm not in charge here. He's gone, and they want to be able to find him and 'sort things out.'"

"'Sort things out,'" (Y/N) repeated, questioning the genuineness of whomever told Sharon that. "Unless they have hard evidence that it was him who set off the bomb in Vienna, shouldn't they leave that to uh...Captain America?"

She wondered how Barnes was able to escape in the first place. She saw the containment module he was in; there's no way he could've gotten out without a fight. ...But maybe it wasn't a fight. Perhaps it was a trigger word induced rage. (Y/N) understood a basic layout of the "Winter Soldier." SHIELD would've kept any information they had classified. However, after the fiasco in Washington, d.c. with Hydra and the whole releasing of all files predicament, she was able, with Sharon's help, to put together a simple outline. With that being said, he couldn't have broken out without going Winter Soldier mode. But doesn't someone need the trigger words for that?

“That's what a reasonable person would think, but once again, I'm not in charge," Sharon shrugged. "Things would probably be going a lot smoother if I was, but you can't have everything."

(Y/N) cracked a smile. Sharon was a friend, and a good one too. They'd known each other since before SHIELD was shattered in 2014. In fact, Sharon helped train her.

The only thing was: Sharon was a higher ranking agent and often withheld certain information from (Y/N). It frustrated her. This was where their personal boundaries got in the way of their professional ones.

She could tell there was something Sharon wasn't telling her, but she wasn't about to compromise either of their positions by pushing for information she wasn't supposed to know. Hell, maybe even Sharon knows something she isn't supposed to. Or maybe she knows something that Everett Ross wouldn't like. What if she was keeping something from him? Defying him? What if she was working with Steve Rogers? Now that would be interesting.

(Y/N) was used to secrets around her all the time. She knew Sharon had her fair share, and trying to figure them out wouldn't really get her anywhere.

"Right. Okay. Well, I'll get on this then. Thanks, Agent Carter," she teased in late response to Sharon's 'Agent (Y/N).’

Sharon offered a quick smile before walking off to attend to other business.

- - -

Pain. That was all it was. In every sense of the word. As she strenously made her way through the densely packed file of one James Buchanan Barnes, pain was all she could see. All she could read. It leaked out of the page and seeped into her skin like poison.

It was horrific what they did to him. She knew he had his memory wiped, had someone pull him out and stick someone else in. But it was more than just that. They took his past, his memories, his thoughts; and they ripped them from his mind, leaving an empty space to mold into their own. It was after this when Hydra, in every way they could, dehumanized him, made him less than. He was striped of his freedom, his control, his choice, his humanity, of everything that made him him. They beat and bruised and broke it out this empty human shell until he was nothing but a shadow of faded morality and consciousness.

But hell, she couldn't look away. She was glued to the aftershock of this horrible wreckage. All the years of studying Psychology and Neuroscience couldn't have possibly prepared her for the absolute horror that was his past, his abuse, his torture. It was heinous. Frankly, she questioned how he was still alive. How he still had the will and the drive to be alive. How do you live after that?

"Fuck," she breathed after eons of silence.

She seemed to lose her sense of time whilst she was immersed in the harrowing nightmare of Hydra's cruelty. 'Cruelty' doesn't even come close to doing it justice. When she came to, her desk looked like a bomb went off. Papers were bursting out of manilla folders, littering the linoleum surface with classified files and secret information. She leaned back in her chair, and gave herself a minute to debrief.

(Y/N) almost felt guilty, like she things she looked at were so vile, so violating that she didn't have the right to see them. Sure, she had read and analyzed all sorts of trauma and psychological profiles. But he was different. Something about James Barnes was different. It tangled her mind the fact that a person could endure all that. She could only imagine the effect that would have on the human brain. The possibilities are endless. Suddenly bombing the UN didn't seem so far fetched.

- - -

"Jesus Christ," (Y/N) murmured, staring at her office floor as Sharon finished explaining to her what happened at the Leipzig Halle Airport.

She sat mostly in silence as she pondered over the information just fed to her. Apparently Tony Stark gathered a 'team' to try and intercept Captain America - sorry - Steve Rogers and his (supposed) fugitive friend. It was chaos.

"What is this? Fuckin' Avengers Fight Night?" she wondered aloud. "How many people did you say were there?"

"Twelve total," Sharon clarified. "Five with Stark and five with Steve."

The psychologist shook her head, dumbfounded. "How did it end?"

"Steve and Barnes got out, but everyone else with them were captured and sent to the Raft."

"The Raft?!" (Y/N) exclaimed. "That's for, like, super humans! Not people like Sam Wilson or Clint Barton!"

"You're telling me."

Sharon seemed in agreement with everything she was saying. However, there was something she couldn't quite place. Like she was holding back. But holding back what?

"So what of Rogers and Barnes?" (Y/N) pushed.

Sharon got up and closed the office door before returning to her seat, leaning in, and lowering her voice. This secretive woman, god damn it.

"Well... That's what I came to talk to you about."

Oh boy. She didn't have a semblance of a single idea of what to expect. Apparently Sharon noticed.

"We're the only ones that know this. They're fine..." the agent trailed off, "They're in Wakanda, but they need a little help."

"Are you leaving?!" (Y/N) all but yelled before quickly slapping a hand over her mouth and uncovering it only to whisper, "Do you and Rogers have a thing or something? Cause' I don't know how else you would know all of this when I'm sure that no one else does considering he's now an enemy of several governments!"

"My relations with Steve Rogers are not the focus here." She could've sworn Sharon flushed. "But we have been in contact; I'm one of the few people he can trust right now, and I don't plan on letting him down anytime soon."

They totally have a thing.

"Noted," said (Y/N) with a nod, "but why are you telling me this? Does he want the profile analysis or something? I don't see how he would need it if he's known Barnes for however long."

"Not exactly..." Sharon fidgeted with her hands. "We need you to go to Wakanda.”

-

[A/N:] this is a repost of chapter 1 because my masterlist is being fucky

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Hi, I'm working on a SPN fanfic right now and I was hoping I could get some character ideas from you. It's a destiel fanfic-I know you don't ship them anymore but I'm kind of stuck on what to do with John? I want him in the story because I love Jeffrey Dean Morgan and the way he plays Dean but I also don't want to write him in a repetitive way, I want to do the character justice and not make him all cringe. Got any ideas?

Hi! Yes, I'd be more than happy to give you some advice.

To me, John Winchester is such a fun character to write, full of angst ripe for the picking with Sam and Dean, ya know? And Jeffrey does such a good job bringing the character to life, I just hate reading fics where the the writers just make him the cringey, abusive, alcoholic, homophobic father, the obstacle needed to overcome for Destiel (or whatever ship) to truly be together, you know? I'm not saying that we shouldn't use the abusive parent trope in coming out stories because obviously those family dynamics exist in real life so of course many who have suffered through that trauma want to write about it to work through it and I do not begrudge them at all for that. But, the trope is overplayed and typically there isn't a whole lot of nuance to it so its kind of boring to read about all of the time, and when something gets boring, it gets cringey.

So my advice if this story you're writing is going to have some sort of coming out story feat. John Winchester aka Abusive/Homophobic Father of the Year, then try to add a little bit more nuance to it to give it a freshness so it doesn't feel so overplayed to your readers. No one likes carboard cut outs of characters, they want characters not caricatures (at least that's I want but you know depending on your audience, maybe they're ok with caricatures as long as they get their fanservice). So definitely, if you can, try and dive a little more deeply into the psyche of John Winchester. Really analyze his emotions, his motivations, his reasonings for why he does the things he does. If he's gonna be abusive and homophobic, think about why is he really those things? Is he abusive because he can't look at his kids because they remind him of Mary? Is this his own way of protecting them? Is he homophobic because he's a product of his time? Or is there a deeper reason behind it? Is it a means of protecting his sons from the harshness and brutality of living that life? Because while it is freeing and liberating to come out and truly be able to be yourself, sadly, the world is filled with bigots that won't see it that way, that are threatened by it and will enact violence because of their bigotry.

Me personally, if I were to ever write for John Winchester, I'd choose to stay away from the abusive, alcoholic, homophobic angle that so much of the fandom likes to depict him as. Like I said before, its overdone, boring, and cringey. And truth be told, I've never jumped on the band wagon of hating John Winchester. Honestly, when I rewatch Season 1, the episodes featuring him are always so enjoyable to me because he's so interesting. Sure, he's terrible for his sons, but digging into his motivations and how he thinks, in his own twisted mind, he means well and he's genuinely thinking that these means are what's going to keep his boys safe. So I don't know, if I were to write a coming out story whether it be destiel or sastiel, I'd kind of like to depict John as being supportive of his son coming out because there is an aspect of his personality there that does treasure his boys. Sure, it doesn't negate that he's a terrible father who has treated his children abysmally but everything that he's done in the show, it's never screamed at me that he's homophobic. I'm sure some Dean Winchester stans will come at me, get up on their soap box and try to tell me that we can gather that John Winchester was homophobic because of Dean's own homophobia and repressed feelings towards men, how he womanizes and fetishizes women, etc. He learned it from John. Or maybe, just maybe, John Winchester was not around a whole lot and Dean watched a lot of macho cop shows and things of that nature whilst spending endless hours cooped up in a hotel room. Or Dean Winchester actually is straight, I know horror of horrors for me to suggest something like that and I'm not really here to make an argument on that. If you want to yell at me and tell me all of the reasons why Dean Winchester isn't straight, don't bother because I don't care. SPN is done and over with and we all now have the freedom to characterize Dean however the fuck we want and we need to stop getting into such heated arguments about this. If you see Dean has a repressed homosexual, great I totally see how you would see that so you should write about it, I don't have a problem with it. But I also don't have a problem with him being characterized as straight either. I have written Dean as straight before and I've also written him as LGBT as well. I'm not more partial to any reading of his sexuality really, he's never been a favorite character of mine, most of the time I have to really fight my own dislike of him to even find him palatable. If I think of a story and I want to include him in said story, I'll characterize him in whichever way befits the story I'm writing. But the point is, in regards to John Winchester, I kind of went on a tangent there, but what I'm essentially getting at is John can be abusive, he can be alcoholic, but I would also find it interesting if amongst those things he was supportive of his sons' sexuality or at the very least apathetic to it.

But anyway, those are my thoughts/advice. Hopefully it helps and good luck on your story. If you post it on Tumblr, be sure to tag me, I'd love to read it.

[the-twewy-sequel]

TWEWY: The Animation - Episode 3 Review

Like a bolt from the blue, it’s time for the TWEWY Anime Review!

This is super late, but I've legit been busy, sorry on the off chance anyone was looking forward to this. I will try harder for future reviews T_T.

For me, this episode sort of solidified that the show is indeed its own thing and is not one of those "very-close-to-the-original" type adaptations. We've had evidence of this throughout, but this is basically where I go, this could end up having different events entirely and not just a different detailing of it or chronology, which I think is important for understanding the show and trying to enjoy it: expecting it to be something it won't will just end up in disappointment, after all.

At the same time, while it's fine to be original, I do think it should still be good, and I won't hesitate to point out when I think the dialog or execution feel lacking in general.

With that out of the way, the end-game to Shiki's week continues, and we find out that these two characters we've seen milling about have apparently died in an accident. It's interesting seeing them get what feels like a bit more "blatant" nods compared to the original game, but I sort of understand it in that the original game didn't have a lot of different non-controllable player characters appear, so giving opportunities for ones besides the main 4 to appear will likely prove important to fleshing things out.

A lot of interesting points in this episode, but one of them was the discussion on entry fees (which of course happened quite differently before), and what I think is a much more direct explanation of what Rhyme's entry fee was. Now, it's been a little since I played TWEWY, but I feel like her entry fee was actually more implied than outright stated, especially in this early game, but maybe they didn't feel it was an important detail to hold back on—perhaps it's dependent on how the 3rd week goes.

On a less important note, Kariya's characterization as he sort of teased Beat felt a little bit different here, and I wasn't sure I liked the way Beat acted after losing Rhyme. I think the execution just felt a bit less tight somehow: Hanekoma wasn't very convincing when he basically said he'll "figure something out" for Rhyme, IIRC "7 minutes before you disappear" just became "some vague amount of minutes", Beat's reaction felt slightly off-character in the nuance, etc... oh, and Hanekoma can apparently just call Neku when he wants now. Uhh, okay then, hahaha.

But re: the above pic, Uzuki TOTALLY kicked Beat in this scene, then claims she can't attack players. WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT KICK? Bruhhhh.

This scene had a little bit less impact for me too, for whatever reason. It felt... a tiny bit more forced, somehow? I'd like to hear what people in the comments felt, but this wasn't the only scene that started to feel this way. In regards to the dialog... who is "all of us", exactly? Beat's, uh... not exactly around, Rhyme is erased, and so were all the other players. Am I missing something here?

While I'm not sure what I might be missing, I can tell you what this adaptation is: an actual build-up for the game master of week 1. As I suspected, introducing him in front of Neku and Shiki basically only at the end meant that the dialog and conflict here felt... very half-baked and not compelling. He acts like he knows Shiki and it seems like he tries to get to her but it doesn't work at all because Shiki already went through her growth, and it didn't really have anything to do with Higashizawa. So, is just kind of an awkward cooking-obsessed "boss enemy" that pops up to us and, in my opinion, not someone the viewer feels especially motivated to beat, whereas at least in the game it felt a bit more like Shiki genuinely had something to prove and had sort of "overcome" his earlier provocations.

While it's the nature of this review to point out changes and things I felt could have been done better, it's not like it was a terrible episode overall. Some important things happened, there were some nice fight moments with various new psyches shown, and some good visuals and music in general. However, even to the last scene with Shiki disappearing, a lot of the bits of dialog felt a little bit awkward, and it felt like some things were missing.

For instance, Beat was missing from the final scene with the Conductor—we don't see him become a reaper here anymore, Shiki disappears crying and sad instead of smiling and saying she'll wait for him in front of Hachiko/asking if they'll still be friends (which I thought was a way better way of doing it, having a final touching moment and letting the despair sink in only after Shiki is gone), and... did Neku even get his memories back? I don't remember Kitaniji saying he gave them back, and that feels like a fairly important detail to be overlooking, so... I'm honestly a little confused.

Overall it was a decent episode, but the show is leaving me fairly disoriented with the way it is scrambling everything together, and I actually have been trying to go into this not having seen the original story recently (though I do reference it during these reviews), so I'm definitely not trying to overcompare/analyze it or anything.

At the same time though, it's a given that when you rewrite scenes a lot, you're going to have to write them about as well as the original wrote its characters, or it won't hold up as well. When the standards are high, that becomes difficult, and I worry that the show is losing a little bit of its "edge" if you will, especially as the "shininess" of the cool art style and such wears off.

[cyanide-latte]

thoughts on horror in general?

Oooh get ready, this one might get just a little personal, and it'll definitely be a rambling jumble of thoughts.

Horror is treated as a taboo subject of interest and discussion because society reflexively shies away from topics of fear and vulnerability, when really, horror has the most potential for facilitating empathy. (Kinda makes you question society's understanding of those things, huh?)

Because it deals so often with fears, trauma, vulnerabilities and facing those things, it gives us a different insight into ourselves, those we share it with, and those who created it. Genres like fantasy and sci-fi are an exploration in someone else's imagination, but horror goes beyond that; it taps into exploration of one's psyche, right down to the darkest corners.

Arguably also one of the most naturally thought-provoking genres. Any can be used to provoke greater and more in-depth thinking, but by the nature of the subjects it deals with, I think horror is already coded in such a direction. Perhaps this is why horror media is constantly analyzed, cross-analyzed and re-analyzed over the years.

Not the sort of thing I've ever used or would ever recommend for escapism. If you need escapism, go for SFF. Horror media as escapism cannot fully work, at least not imo, because of the way it's used to present the audience with something that is intended to rattle them and will usually reflect issues and topics that are grounded in reality.

Some of those above points tie into my personal experience. Won't get deep into the details but my own past trauma and the abuse I've faced tie into this; while I was enduring and going through all that shit for years? I consumed fantasy. Now that I'm on the other side of it and recovering? Horror.

Yes this is absolutely why I'm so drawn to survivors/Final Characters.

And the sheer amount of hell that goes with being Othered all my life is why I often also sympathize with the antagonists.

Reblogged a post earlier on this topic and threw my thoughts in the tags there but this is a huge part of why horror appeals to marginalized people, doubly so when we can see ourselves in both the antagonists and the protagonists. There's a level of catharsis at play, and horror provides a safe medium through which we can process and heal from our own scars vicariously.

That, coupled with addressing questions and fears and topics that tap deep into the darkest parts of ourselves while remaining engaging on a level of greater thought, makes it so accessible.

Certainly those things combined are why I love it so much. It engages me on multiple fronts in a way my mind has lacked in past years while trapped in a toxic, abusive environment, it allows me to engage with and address those things in my past in a safer way, and it reflects me as well: both the aspects that were considered ugly/monstrous/shameful by those around me, and the survivor that was shaped from those experiences.

There's something to be said for the beauty found in what is dark and broken as well.

It isn't a genre you should just be tossed into will-nilly though. That can and does cause its own trauma (yes, have had this happen to me as well.)

People who are looking to get a friend into the genre need to find things to use as a litmus test before throwing someone in the deep end of the pool. Test the waters to see if there's specific things a person clicks with. (I do think there's something out there for everyone, the trick is just being patient and careful until you find it.)

I myself am still on a journey to see if there's a specific type of horror I really click with, or if I'm more of a mixed bag without hard definition to what I'm drawn to, but I'm getting there and trying to see if I notice any trends. (Other than slashers and campy 80s horror, that is. It isn't all I watch or all I like, but I certainly enjoy those.)

If someone is not ready to get into horror movies and games, I suggest books (or maybe even audiobooks/podcasts) within the genre to see if that works better for getting them acclimated.

Again, this got so long-winded, and I am so sorry for this wall of text but thank you for sending this, Coffee, I enjoyed answering it! ;A;