#songs from the sunroom | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

14buddy22 · 1 year

Text

You’re Losing Me

Aaron Hotchner x Female reader WC: 3.7k Warnings: ANGST

Based off the song; You’re Losing Me by Taylor Swift

@ssamorganhotchner (prepare for your heart to break bestie)

Masterlist

You had tried. You really did. You tried to keep your relationship with Aaron alive. You tried to keep it interesting, tried to keep it fun, but it wasn’t that anymore. You could try all you want to make him happy. You’d do whatever he wanted as long as he was happy, even if you sacrificed your happiness.

You were tired, lonely, empty inside. You were tired of being 2nd to him. You knew the implications of his job. He was very upfront about that, even telling you the night you met. He told you his marriage ended because of his job.

You ignored it, because you fell in love with him. You knew that his job made him happy and you learned to be okay with that. You knew that dates would become canceled, you knew you’d show up to family and friend events usually alone, you’d take care of his son more times than not because he was away.

You chose to ignore it. Him and the BAU were like peanut butter and jelly. They worked well together, but anyone else who joined, did not mix into that perfect combination. You wish you had, but you didn’t. Maybe you did for a little bit, but it wouldn’t last forever.

You were tired of always being his “back-up”. You knew it was always the BAU over you, but when would he realize he should start putting you before the BAU. He knew the BAU was the reason his first marriage failed, shouldn’t he consider changing that before his 2nd marriage started?

You found yourself sitting in the sunroom of the house you and Aaron had moved into. It was the perfect size for you, him, and Jack. Even though Jack was older and his toys had turned into more electronics than anything, there had been talks of having kids with Aaron. The perfect single family home that you and him picked to be perfect to raise a few more kids that you and Aaron made.

You loved the sunroom. It was yours and Aaron’s favorite part of the house. You both loved it because of the light that came from it. You know it was called “sunroom” for a reason, but still, it was your favorite place in the house.

But it’s funny how you found yourself sitting in the dark, without Aaron. You didn’t know what to do. You don’t know when it got this bad between you two. You don’t know where it all went wrong. You don’t know how he didn’t see the signs.

Sitting there with your thoughts to yourself, all you could think about is how long you’ve been with Aaron. All you’ve ever wanted to do was to make him happy, even if you sacrificed your own happiness. You’ve always been like that, that never changed, even when you and Aaron started dating.

You were a pathological people pleaser.

It’s been roughly 1278 days since you and Aaron Hotchner became a thing. That’s 3 years and 6 months that you two were dating. Too many “i love yous”, hugs, kisses, late nights, date nights, family adventures, and making memories to count.

You tried to pinpoint the exact moment of where everything went wrong, when you began to sacrifice so much of your happiness that Aaron was taking for granted. He never saw the signs that you were exhausted with your relationship with him. You loved him, but he’s losing you.

You and Aaron had been together for 3 and a half years. You set yourself into a routine that you just went through the motions with him every single day. There was no surprise element. You tried to surprise him with dates, but that was quickly resolved when majority of the time he was still never back from a case or was pulling a graveyard shift getting caught up on paperwork.

You were proud of Aaron. He was a great profiler, yet he never saw the signs. He never saw how you had to put a smile on around him. He didn’t notice the way that you were trying to tell him to take some time off so you and him could go on a weekend getaway because you felt lonely.

You felt like you were the only one in the relationship. 6 months ago is when you started to notice it. You noticed that you and Aaron had been in a routine. It was the same thing everyday. Even with as chaotic as his schedule was, it was still predictable.

He missed the dates you planned with him or the dates he had planned with you.

He missed your family events where you would have wanted him to be there with you.

He missed your friend gatherings where you wanted to show him off, to prove to your friends that they were wrong about him, but he let you down.

Maybe that’s where it all went wrong. Time and time again, Aaron slowly let you down with all the broken promises he left you. Promises of I’ll be home early tonight turned into late nights at the office. Promises of “I’ve made dinner reservations for us tonight at this new restaurant” turned into, “I’m caught up in a case, we’ll go out when I get back”.

Those promises were never made up.

That’s why you were sitting in the room you and Aaron loved, alone. You wanted to go out for a nice dinner tonight, but, from the time it read on the clock, Aaron had forgotten about the reservation you made. You had reminded him this morning. Jack was spending the night at his friends house. You thought back to this morning, making sure you did remind him.

Aaron was drinking his coffee in the sunroom this morning when you decided to make your way to him.

You gave him a kiss and he pulled you into his lap. It was his favorite way to start the day with you. You wanted to break routine and have him stay in bed just a few more minutes but he preferred to be up out of bed.

“Good morning. Any fun plans today?”

“Clean the house, do some laundry. Boring stuff.”

Aaron took another sip of his coffee and as you played with the back of his hair. You decided to bring up the fact that you two had your date night planned for a couple weeks now. You specifically remember telling him to request tonight off.

“Remember, Jack’s at a sleepover tonight, you and I have dinner reservations.”

If you hadn’t known Aaron as well as you did, you would have missed the way he slightly stilled for a second, but you didn’t. You chose to ignore it, you know he couldn’t have forgotten.

“Of course. Jack’s sleeping over at a friends house, you and I are trying that new place tonight. What time?”

“7:30.”

“Right, 7:30. I’ll be home at 7 to pick you up. Okay? After dinner, we’ll come home and I’ll show you just how much I’ve missed you and how much I love you.”

He leaned forward to kiss your neck, slowly sinking his teeth into your skin, sucking what surely would leave a hickey for the tonight. You pulled the hair at the back of his neck away from you, not wanting him to go any further, not wanting him to leave anymore marks on you.

“Aaron. Save that for tonight, otherwise I won’t be able to cover it up.”

As you got up from your spot on his lap, you made your way to start making your breakfast and cleaning up the remmanents of his.

He got up, grabbed his briefcase, walked over to you and kissed you.

“I’ll see you tonight, I love you.”

“Bye, Aaron. Be safe. Love you, too.”

It made you wonder, how can he say he loves you when he doesn’t know you’re dying.

How could he not know this was your last resort to save your relationship. Him knowing that you made reservations but him forgetting. Granted, you still had until tonight to make sure he’d remember, but you were starting to doubt. You two were just a sad song that wouldn’t come back to life any more.

It was now 8:30pm. Not a word from Aaron. No text, no call, nothing. Not even a text from the team. You didn’t like tracking his location. You weren’t insecure, you didn’t think he’d be cheating on you, but you decided to text Penelope, to see if they were on another case.

She had easily become your best friend on the team. Sending a quick text off to her asking if there had been another case, you started to think about breaking the engagement off with Aaron.

You were empathetic. You always give him the benefit of the doubt. But you think he forgot. You know he has to keep everyone else on schedule but you just wanted this once for him to have taken something seriously.

He was the best profiler, yet couldn’t tell if something was wrong in his relationship with someone he’s been “in love with” for 3 and a half years. Someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Was it all a lie?

Penople quickly texted, “Greetings, future Mrs. Hotchner! We are not on a case. Hotch actually sent most of us home early. So I’m surprised he’s not with you? Maybe he’s still in his office?”

That hurt you. If he sent the rest of his team home early. Why wouldn’t he come home early? No text. Nothing. You reminded him about your date. Maybe he knew this relationship was ending and he was just trying to avoid it?

Then you heard the garage door opening and closing. As you stood up, you were met with him staring at you. Silently pleading with you to already forgive him.

But you couldn’t. Not now. Not when you know he sent his team home early and there wasn’t a case. You couldn’t.

He knew he fucked up, royally fucked up. He saw how you looked so beautiful in your form fitting dress. He knew that you hated dressing up all formal, yet you still did it because it always got the best reaction from it.

“I am so sorry.”

“You’re losing me, Aaron.”

Aaron’s heart stilled. He didn’t know if he heard you correctly. You didn’t realize that you barely spoke that. It came out as a whisper. You didn’t know if you had the courage to say it out loud or say it again, but it had to be said.

You were met with silence from him. Why won’t he say anything? You wanted to scream at him, but you couldn’t. You knew you couldn’t yell at him. He had a tough job and you just yelling at him wouldn’t work, he didn’t deserve that.

“I’m sorry I forgot about our dinner. I am so sorry. I started looking at this case and I knew it was close to 7 but I thought “it’s only a little case, it won’t take long” and then next thing you know it was 8:30”

“There’s always going to be another case. I just asked this one time that we had gone out for dinner. I made this reservation weeks in advance. I asked you to request this one night off. Aaron, you sent your team home early! You couldn’t even come home early. I just wanted one night with my fiancé. That’s all I wanted.”

Aaron was silent. You felt bad. But, when was it your turn for you to be unhappy? You always pleased everyone, but when could you please yourself? You probably wouldn’t marry yourself either with the way you were a pathological people pleaser.

“Do something, babe! Say something!”

You were still met with silence from him. There weren't many times that Aaron Hotchner was speechless, but this was one that stunned him the most. His fiancé tells him that he’s losing her. The one woman who he needed the most in his life, he was losing her.

“Lose something, Aar. Risk something.”

You were afraid by saying that, he would risk losing you. He was already losing you. You told him that, you already knew that, but you had a glimmer of hope. You thought back to the 3 and a half years and countless happy memories made up of him. The countless “you’re the best thing to happen to me”. You believed it. But was it a lie?

“Choose something. I’ve got nothing to believe unless you’re choosing me.”

Aaron moved towards you and he said, “I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

“Aaron! I’m sorry doesn’t excuse the way you’ve been acting towards me. I don’t know what else to do. I know I’ve tried given you the world because all I’ve wanted since I’ve met you was to make you happy. But you know what, Aaron? Is it wrong for me to want to be happy? Is it wrong for me to want me to be seen by you?”

You looked at him, tears in your eyes. Your heart was breaking. But, you couldn’t continue to be in a relationship where you didn’t have a pulse anymore. If Aaron thought this relationship was worth saving, he wouldn’t have messed up.

Don’t you deserve someone better? You made the ultimatum. But you had to have known there was a possibility Aaron wouldn’t pick you, and you have to be okay with that. Yes, it’ll hurt if he doesn’t choose you, but in the end, you just wanted him to be happy. If you not being in his life anymore made him happier, then so what?

You were bleeding, not physically, but you were in a constant battle of you v the BAU in Aaron’s life. You were tired of the battle already. You knew making the ultimatum you or essentially the BAU wasn’t fair to Aaron.

But you deserve someone who was going to give you what you deserved. You just wanted to be seen by someone. He was losing you, yet wasn’t fighting hard for it.

“I have loved you since I met you. The last 3 and a half years have been amazing. But if you want me to choose between you or the BAU.”

Your heart shattered. He didn’t have to say the rest to know what he was choosing, and it crushed you. Metaphorically, you didn’t have a pulse anymore, your heart wasn’t going to start again for this relationship.

You slipped your engagement ring off your finger. You carefully placed it down on the kitchen counter. How ironic that the place he proposed to you is the place where you two were breaking up.

“This is for the best. I want you to be happy, Aaron. That’s without being in a relationship with me. I thought I could handle the BAU and you, but, I just can’t Aaron. I deserve to have someone keep their promises or at least make up for them. I deserve to go on dinner dates. I deserve to have a family that I’ve dreamed of having. I know this is what you want. You’ll have the BAU and Jack. You won’t have to worry about dinner dates or dates in general. You’ll just have work and your son. Don’t mess those two things up, Aaron.”

You looked at him. His eyes were filled with tears but he refused to blink. If he blinked, he’d lose all control.

“I’ll stay tonight in the guest room and I’ll talk to Jack when he comes home in the morning, then give me a day or two to pack-up and then I’ll be gone for good.”

You grabbed his hand and then kissed his cheek. There was loss and indecision in the air, but it was for the better, right?

“I gave you my best me’s. My endless empathy. I’ll always love you, Aaron.”

As you walked away from him, you went to your room and cried yourself to sleep. You were upset with yourself for not trying to come up with a better solution. You were upset with him for not trying harder. You were upset because you were losing Jack. The closest thing you had to a family and you lost them both.

Talking to Jack the next morning was hard. Aaron didn’t say a word while you talked to Jack. Jack was upset. You knew it would be rough on him. You’d been in his life for 4 years, now you had to walk away. Leaving Jack was going to be harder than you thought.

“I don’t want you to be mad at your dad. It’s not his fault. If you want someone to be mad at, be mad at me.”

Aaron was just looking down at the floor. He didn’t want to see that you were now crying as Jack was hugging you so hard, crying too. He didn’t realize that you were going to take the blame for Jack being upset.

****

It had been a few months since you’re engagement with Aaron ended. You were heart broken. You had to realize that you gave him the ultimatum. This was making him happy, he didn’t have to worry about coming home early to a wife. He didn’t have to worry about being a father to any extra children you and him wanted to have. He only had to worry about himself, Jack, and work. That was it. You pleased him before you could please yourself, even with a broken heart, you realized that he chose and that’s what he wanted. You didn’t force him, he had the opportunity to fix it and he didn’t. It didn’t just go bad that one night a few months ago, there was some part that was the beginning of the end.

Were you able to pinpoint it? No, not exactly. But it got to the point in the relationship right around the 3 year mark where it had been a problem and you didn’t realize it. Aaron knew it was coming too.

Aaron and Jack took the break-up hard. Jack wouldn’t talk much with his father. This was just as much Jack’s loss as it was Aaron’s. Aaron didn’t realize all you did for him. He didn’t realize how much of things you actually took care of.

You did the laundry, you cleaned the house, you made sure Jack cleaned his room and bathroom, you did the yardwork, you made sure the house was always filled with food. Aaron didn’t realize this, but you always bought refillable ink for his pens and always replaced them in his office. He didn’t know it had been you doing that. He thought he just bought a really good brand of pens, but when his pen finally ran out, that’s when Jack told him that when you went shopping with Jack one time, you explained to Jack that his dad loved the type of pens they were and bought refillable ink, always refilling it when you noticed it was low.

It’s true when they say, “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”. Aaron realized that the hard way, he was determined to get you back. He needed you in his life. You were the fresh air he needed. He loved walking in his home, seeing you in the kitchen or the sunroom, waiting to talk about his day with him. He missed how you were a great mom to his son.

Aaron royally messed up and he needed to get you back. He knew you were still best friends with Garcia, so when he called Penelope asking where you were living, he didn’t miss the stutter in her voice, when she quickly said, “S-sir, I can’t tell you that.”

“Penelope, please.”

Then he heard your voice. “PG, I’m going on my date with that guy who owns the bar! My location’s on, we’re going to the restaurant across from where he works. Love you.”

You were going on a date. You knew the guy wasn’t Aaron, but you wanted to get back out there. You couldn’t sit around and mope.

Aaron hung up the phone and said, “Jack, get in the car. We have to go somewhere.”

As him and his son raced to the car, they both got in and Aaron was driving like a madman. He knew exactly what bar and restaurant you were talking about. It wasn’t the first time that the owner of the bar had been interested in you.

As Aaron saw you standing outside, he pulled his car over, but then he saw the owner reach out his hand and you grabbed it, moving closer to the man. Aaron couldn’t get out now. You wanted to be happy. You deserved to put your happiness in front of someone else’s. Aaron had his chance with you. He didn’t realize that until he saw you now, smiling and twirling in the middle of the sidewalk as there was a live band close by, the man spinning you around.

Aaron was pulled out of his thoughts when Jack said, “Dad, what’s going on?”

Aaron’s heart broke, more than it had when you pulled the engagement ring off your finger, more than it did when you told Jack you were moving out. Aaron’s heart was shattered now. He couldn’t come back from this. You made Aaron happy, sacrificed your happiness for Aaron, that’s the least he could do now. You warned him. You told him that he was losing you. He just didn’t know he had the perfect woman until you were gone.

With a voice barely above a whisper, trying to respond to his son, he said, “I lost her.”

As Aaron drove away, the last thing he saw in his rearview mirror was you smiling, almost like you were looking exactly at his car. He had lost you and he wasn’t getting you back. The hopes of you and him together again were gone. He didn’t understand how he missed the signs, but he did and now he’s paying for it. He lost you and he wasn’t getting you back.

Part 2 (if you want)

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner angst #jack hotchner #SAD HOTCH HOURS #Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner fic

796 notes · View notes

lemoncrushh · 3 months

Text

Sweat

Summary: Some post-workout sex

Warnings: Smut obviously. 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 1020

A/N: This was a little blurb written in 2017 inspired by some white leggings Harry had been seen wearing. Really it was just an excuse to write some smut. Written in first person, but no name given.

Harry had gone for a run. I wasn't much of a runner myself, so on days that he decided to do that, I opted for a walk on the treadmill that we kept in our sunroom. I was content with the sounds 80s and 90s heavy metal pumping through the bluetooth speakers and my water bottle in its holder as I looked out into our backyard.

Halfway through an Iron Maiden song, I thought I heard the sound of the front door slamming shut and the beep of the alarm, followed by footsteps into the kitchen as Harry's trainers squeaked across the tile.

"Is that you, baby?" I called out, mostly as acknowledgement since I knew the answer.

"Yeah!" he replied, his voice exhausted from exertion.

"I'll be done in a few," I said as I began to slow my pace.

I continued to walk through one more song before coming to a stop and stepping off the treadmill. My heart rate was still up, my face and chest glistening with sweat as I reached for my water and drank the rest in one large gulp. Then reaching for my towel, I turned off the music and headed toward the doorway that led to the den. I stopped in my tracks when I saw him.

He was sat on the large leather sofa, his head back, his arms and legs open in a spread eagle. He had stripped himself of his clothing - hoodie, t-shirt, shorts, shoes and socks, even his beanie - all except a pair of tight white leggings that he'd worn underneath his shorts. His naked yet wet chest rose and fell with each heavy breath that puffed out between his lips, and his eyes were closed.

"Holy shit," I muttered, now weak in the knees, and not from my workout.

Suddenly his eyelids fluttered open, and he saw me gawking at him.

"Hi." I wasn't sure exactly how, but he managed to make one tiny word sound so sexy, and so smug at the same time.

"That must've been some run," I remarked, my heartbeat racing again.

"Yeah."

I stepped closer to him, patting my chest with my towel.

"Do you wanna shower first, or..." I started to ask, my speech faltering when I finally got a good look at what was before me.

His leggings were drenched, nearly transparent. The muscles in his thighs fought for release from the confines of the stretchy fabric. But it was what was in between that had my mouth watering. I could see everything. The outline of his erection was obvious, and it threatened to pop out of the waistband that sat low on his hips. The line of hair beneath his belly button was wet with sweat as it trailed seductively down to meet his thick thatch, also moist with perspiration that dampened the crotch of his leggings.

Catching me staring at him, Harry held out his hand to me.

"C'mere, love," he breathed, his voice still broken and raspy.

I lifted my eyes to his, an easy smirk rising from the corner of his mouth. I accepted his hand, taking two steps closer so that I was standing between his legs. Harry sat up, releasing my hand to graze his up the back of my thigh, his other hand mimicking the first until both crept up my jogging shorts and slid back down.

"I like these," he murmured as he repeated the action with both hands.

I blinked slowly, a hard breath releasing from my lungs. I watched his face for a moment more until returning my gaze to his leggings. I didn't reckon Harry would wear pants underneath something so confining, but Jesus Christ, did they have to be white?

"You want it?" Harry suddenly asked.

My eyes wide, I stared at him incredulously. "Sorry?"

Taking my hand once more, he guided it to his crotch.

"This," he said. "You want it?"

A sound rose from my throat then, and I'm not sure if it was a moan or a protest or sound of confusion. But luckily Harry copied it, grabbing me by the waist. He pulled my shorts down so quickly I didn't have time to think. Stepping out of them, I watched as he dipped his hands in his leggings and released himself. This time I knew I moaned, as I straddled him, my knees hitting the cool leather of the couch.

Our tongues met with a vengeance, the hunger overtaking any need to fully de-clothe ourselves.

"'m so fucking hard, baby," he groaned against my mouth.

I merely nodded as I sat up, allowing him to aim his cock at my entrance. I needed no extra lubrication. I usually worked up a good one of my own when I exercised, but regardless, I was so turned on by his insatiable desire.

I rode him slowly at first, but only for a bit. He wasn't having it.

"Fuck me," he demanded, grasping at my waist like his life depended on it, his brows furrowed in deep concentration.

I nodded, biting my lip as I rode him faster. His eyelids got heavy as his mouth twitched. Finally, he threw his head back, moaning my name as I felt him hit me deeper. My own breaths quickened, my hands gripping the back of the sofa. Harry's hips lifted up to meet mine as we both cried out.

I tried to catch my breath as I rested my head on his shoulder, taking in his scent. I felt him rake his fingers up my back, and back down again, soothing me in his gentle way.

"I love you," I whispered, words we'd exchanged many times already, but for some reason I wasn't sure if it was too sweet, too real to follow such an animalistic situation.

"I love you, too," he echoed before kissing me in the soft spot below my ear.

I sat up, studying his face. He raised a brow.

"You're incredibly sexy," he declared. "And amazing."

I smiled at him, my hands grazing his chest, my fingers tracing his tattoos.

"Now, about that shower..." he smirked.

If you enjoyed, please like, comment, reblog or send me a msg!

MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK

113 notes · View notes

goldenbuckyyy · 2 years

Text

YOU’RE ALL I WANT

Summary: You and Harry finally reconnect.

Pairings: Harry Styles x fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.7kish

Warnings: Over 3k of smut!! Oral (fem! & male!receiving), fingering, allure to squirting, raw sex, creampie, slight fem!reader!Dom/subrry vibes if you squint!! 🤏🏻

A/N: Hi!! Sorry this has taken so long! The holidays were very crazy and work has been… just as crazy as always! But she’s here and I hope you love her as much as I do.. because I love her!! I’m also going to be tagging anybody who mention needing part 2 since it’s been a while!! Also, this is probably the last part! Song title inspo: “You’re all I want” by Cigarettes After Sex

Divider is by @silkholland!! I love your divider so much! Thank you for allowing us to use them. 🫶🏻

All my mistakes are my own. Please do not repost or translate my fics on any other site nor this one.

I appreciate any likes, reblogs, messages, and interactions. Please message me your thoughts!!! It fuels me!

PART 1 || Main Masterlist

May 20th, 2022.

You tapped your fingers on your countertop as you watched the time slowly trickle by.

3:03PM.

Watching how slow the time was going felt almost agonizing.

You let out a groan as you felt as if time had never gone by any slower. You were still in your pajamas, sipping on your door dashed iced latte, stomach still full of your late morning breakfast, and you felt nervous. Nauseated, almost.

So nervous about seeing Harry tonight that you almost wanted to throw up. And you knew you didn’t have to feel this nervous, but it’s been almost a year that you haven’t seen him. It’s normal to feel this way. You can’t help it.

Harry’s album had already been out since midnight and you had to physically restrain yourself from listening to it. You wanted tonight to be the first night you listened to all of his new songs.

Either way, you knew they were going to be amazing.

You had also already chosen your outfit for the night. Which surprisingly had taken you so long to put together.

Simply because you wanted to look your absolute best tonight.

You searched throughout Twitter for concert inspiration and for any ideas that would help you. You knew fashion. You worked in fashion. You had your own famous fashion line and you still had no idea what to wear to this concert.

You’ve been to plenty of his concerts before. You even remember the outfits you wore to one direction concerts and it secretly made you cringe. Flashbacks of textured shorts and frail crop tops fill your mind.

But now.. now you wanted to surprise him and feel good. It’s been way too long since you had seen Harry's face and you missed him.

So, you did what you do best and you made your own outfit.

You ended up making a black jumpsuit with an amazing sequin fabric which covered every inch of it. It was long enough to pair with your favorite platform heeled boots that were comfy enough to be standing a long period of time in. You made the top of the jumpsuit have a cross neck fixture with a triangle opening right underneath your sternum and you made the back to match.

Now, it was just time for the clock to strike five for you to start to get ready.

So, here you are. Fiddling with your phone to try and pass the time faster.

You hop off the stool and move to your private sunroom in your penthouse that overlooks the river. You bask in the sun on your skin and wonder how tonight will go.

Hopefully everything goes well and Harry’s only expression when he sees you is happiness.

You can only hope.

You tug on your oversized silk blazer as you walk down the backstage hallway of MSG with Jeff by your side.

“Harry might shit himself when he sees you,” Jeff says to you with wild eyes and a loud laugh as you try and match his fast pace down the hall.

You let out your own nervous one as you fix your hair for the millionth time as you follow him.

“Don’t worry. I just might, too.”

You weren’t lying. You genuinely felt sick to your stomach. You had decided to wait until you knew that Harry would already be almost going on to text Jeff that you were waiting at the back entrance for him. Just so he wouldn’t be able to tell Harry you were here.

“The concert already started, but don’t freak. It just started,” Jeff says casually as you start to see the flashing lights from behind the curtain.

You still for a second right before you pass the curtain to let out a shaky breath. Reminding yourself to calm down. That it’s only Harry.

Jeff’s hands are suddenly touching your shoulders and he’s giving you a reassuring smile.

“Don’t be nervous. He’s going to be happy to see you. Trust me.”

You nod quickly and your senses are suddenly filled with loud screams. Thousands and thousands of people screaming for Harry. For your Harry and it makes your heart warm.

You follow Jeff to the side of the main stage behind a barricade, but in perfect view of Harry. And your eyes start to water as soon as you see him.

He’s wearing an adorable white shirt that’s lined with red hearts, black leather figure hugging pants, red sneakers, and a big chunky yellow necklace.

You cover your mouth to hold in your own cry, quickly shaking off the nerves as you settle into the spot next to Jeff, and you zone out as you admire Harry in his zone.

The way the music completely takes over his body and his actions. The way you can tell he lets the music get into his bones by the way he lets it take over and how he dances. The way he lets himself be free in a room filled with people that love him. People that you know he loves. His fans. His wonderful, amazing, love filled fans.

The way he smiles, laughs, and giggles so hard his dimples end up showing. And how he looks so freaking happy it makes you want to burst into tears.

You can easily tell this is his favorite thing to do. Just by looking at him. He’s the type of person that you can just watch and admire because everything he does leaves you in awe.

And that’s exactly how you feel.

Then, at the right moment when he’s prancing around the stage, and running on your side of the stage.. he glances down to look at Jeff and then he sees you.

You both lock eyes at the same time and he trips on his own feet, halting in front of you, and the screaming only intensifies when he breaks out into the biggest smile you’ve seen on him all night.

His hands immediately go to his heart and you see his eyes water as you smile back at him with matching watery eyes. He reaches for you with a small “Hi” leaving his lips and you mouth it back. You can tell he wants to say something else, but he quickly shakes his head with a grin and goes back to dancing around the stage.

You can hear fans calling out your name from around you as now they’ve noticed you. You look around, giving a small wave at the fans near you, and they shriek when you look at them.

You blush under their gazes as it never gets any less weird for you that people actually know who you are. But feeling grateful nonetheless.

Harry makes his way to your corner of the stage after he sings probably the saddest song you’ve ever heard and smiles at you as he settles himself with the microphone stand.

“Now this next song… this next song is incredibly special to me. One of my favorites actually. And…” he pauses and takes in a shaky breath. “The person who inspired this song is actually here tonight.”

The crowd goes wild. Loud cheers surrounding your entire body. You feel lightheaded as you watch Harry on stage.

Watching you.

He gives you a small smile and continues, “This person.. has been my best friend for almost a decade now. We actually met at a Halloween party many many years ago. Her best friend is actually the person I spilled my beer on,” you both chuckle at his words, “I’m getting off track here. But I just want to say that this person is the one person that I absolutely adore. I adore her, I admire her, I respect her, I recognize her, and I love her.” His voice cracks at the last couple of words, his bottom lip quivering and his chin caving in, and tears pool his eyes.

Your eyes are filled with tears at hearing his speech to you and knowing that this is showing his vulnerable side. Which he has always struggled with. You clamp your hands together against your chin as you only smile up at him.

“This is ‘Little Freak’,” he says into the mic as the band starts playing a soft melody.

The first lyrics remind me of the incident in Italy last year and your heart silently hurts. You grip onto the railing in front of you as you listen closely to each lyric.

Finding yourself relating to each word and wanting to pull Harry into your embrace.

Did you dress up for Halloween? I spilled beer on your friend.. I’m not sorry.

You chuckle as you sniffle while slow tears fall down your cheeks and you quickly wipe them away. You watch him in awe as you hear everybody singing along to the lyrics. To a song that came out less than twenty four hours ago.

I disrespected you

Jumped in feet first, and I landed too hard

A broken ankle, karma rules

You never saw my birthmark

Okay. Maybe this is the saddest song you’ve ever heard. Harry holds out the microphone to his fans and gets overwhelmed when they’re singing back his lyrics so loudly. You laugh with joy at how happy he is.

“Thank you so much,” he says into the microphone with his voice wavering, but sounding so grateful.

Just thinkin' about you

He finishes singing the last lyric and he looks over at you with a smile. You smile back with a thumbs up and his dimples show.

The rest of the concert goes by so quickly you can’t even believe it’s been almost two hours since he started.

Every single one of his songs feels connected to you in some way and you wonder if you were in Harry’s thoughts when he wrote this album. You know ‘Little Freak’ is about you since he practically dedicated it to you before he sang it.. but you wonder about the rest.

A part of you doesn’t want to know.

Jeff is by your side as soon as Harry runs off the stage after doing his famous ‘Whale’ and glancing at you quickly.

Jeff wraps his arm around your shoulder, with a smile, he asks, “What’d you think?”

“He’s incredible.”

“That’s our boy.”

You hum in agreement and you both walk off backstage to the chaos that is the loud voices of people congratulating the band and Harry on a brilliant performance.

You stand in the background, watching Harry take each compliment with grace, a shake of each person's hand, and a dimpled smile on his face.

You watch him carefully, bouncing on your heeled boots, heart racing, fingers aching to feel Harry’s skin, and your body trying not to reach for him.

You smile softly when you notice his eyes searching the room and then they land on you. His expression changes to a mix of glowing happiness and absolute joy. He looks like a little kid that just got offered a lollipop at the dentist.

He politely excuses himself from the group he had just thanked and hastily makes his way towards you.

You open your arms to him on instinct, “Hi.”

His arms engulf you into his space, completely tucking you into his body, and you feel complete. His hands wrap around your torso, underneath your blazer, touching your skin, and your arms wrap around his neck. Your faces squeezing into each other’s necks and he whispers a breathy, “Hi.”

You melt into his embrace, smelling his cinnamon roll hair styling crème that he still uses, and it brings back a decade of memories for you. His strong arms squeeze you as he lifts you up off your toes and you can hear him inhaling your scent.

“God, I’ve missed you.”

You chuckle into his neck, “Me more.”

You both pull away at the same time, staring at each other, and you place your hand on his cheek. He leans into it with a small smile, beautiful glossy green eyes staring into yours, and you thumb his cheek.

“I’m sorry, H.” You confess with a soft tone, trying to hold your voice steady while your heart races inside of your chest.

“Don’t apologize. I’m the one that messed up, but.. c’mon.” He wraps his hand in yours, giving Jeff a small signal, and he starts to walk off towards his dressing room.

He leads you into the big dim-lighted room, shutting the door behind you, and locking it for privacy.

You stay in front of him, glancing at him and trying to see if you notice anything different about it.

But he’s still the same Harry. Right in front of you. Finally.

He pulls two cold waters from the mini fridge and hands one to you as he leads you both to the couch. You get comfortable as he kicks off his shoes, leaning into the green couch, and planting his feet on top of the coffee table. You sit back and admire him for a second before drinking some water.

After a moment of silence, he asks, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Missed you tho.”

He smiles as he tucks his chin into his chest, arms crossing over his chest, “I did, too. More than you can imagine.”

“Yeah?” You question, playing with the rings on your fingers, and you look at him from underneath your lashes.

“Come here,” he says as he reaches for your hand. Your insides turn and you let him pull you into his lap. Your breathing hitches as he stares at your face, taking you in, and then his eyes land on your lips.

“Of course I’ve missed you. You’re my best friend,” he whispers into you as he slowly leans in and you close your eyes, waiting for his lips to touch yours.

“Do you still want me?” You blurt out bluntly, your eyes going wide, and you suddenly feel weak. You feel vulnerable. Insecure.

Harry tenses in front of you, his eyes going wide, and he searches for words. But nothing comes out. His eyebrows furr in confusion, “What? How-I… Are you serious? I was about to kiss you..”

You look down, ashamed at your question, and you feel him pull your face back up to meet his own eyes with his thumb.

“How could you ever think I wouldn’t want you?”

His eyes are sincere and full of concern. His body leans into yours, his arms that are holding you only grow tighter, and you wrap your arms around his neck limply.

You lean into his touch and try to smile. Your lips wavering when you say, “I.. I ignored you for months.”

“You had your reasons. I was awful to you. I said mean words to you that I should have taken back as soon as I had spoken them. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

His thumb caresses your cheek as you nod at him.

“I’m still sorry,” you say again as you kiss the inside of his palm.

“I have always wanted you.”

“What?” You say with a grin as he matches your own.

“I, Harry Styles, have always wanted you, Y/N L/N. Ever since the first moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on and you continue being so.”

You let out a watery laugh as tears prick your eyes, you swat his chest playfully, “Stop! You’re making me cry!” You both laugh together as he places a big smooch on your cheek.

You giggle as he slowly starts to kiss your cheek and makes his way down to your lips.

His hands are holding your face when he leans back and asks you, “Can I kiss you?”

Before you can even finish nodding, his lips are on yours.

His lips feel soft and warm against yours. You both held your breath as he waited for you to respond to his kiss, his lips on yours, but full of hesitation.

You relax into his hands, letting yourself finally kiss him back, and a feeling of euphoria fills your body. You both moan into the kiss, tilting your heads for better access, and you pull at each other to feel closer together. He slides off your blazer and touches your naked arms, moaning at feeling your skin against his own.

Your tongue fights with Harry’s and you suck on his bottom lip with a moan. Your hands moving from the back of his warm neck to his curly hair, tugging at the roots, and filling with content when he groans into your mouth.

Harry lets go of your face and he’s moving your body over his own, adjusting himself onto the couch, and you plant yourself down on his hips. Feeling his hardening bulge against your core makes you feel hot. Your core aching in want and you grind against him.

You both meet again in the middle and kiss, lips lapping against each other, open mouthed moans, and pants filling the room. Slow hips grinding against each other.

In the rush of probably the hottest way you’ve ever kissed someone, he’s suddenly pulling away from your body completely.

Leaving your body aching for his touch and your skin feeling burned as his hands leave your waist.

You’re suddenly filled with confusion, furring your eyebrows, and peering up at H.

“What’s going on? Why’d you stop?” You pant out as you try to catch your breath.

H looks like he’s torn between a million emotions as he clutches his eyes in distress, a heavy breathe escaping his lips, and he’s shaking his head. Then.. he chuckles.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this..”

Your heart stops.

“But.. I don’t want our first time to be like this.”

Oh.

“Oh?” You question with a small smile as you sit up on his lap, adjusting your jumpsuit straps around your neck, and he’s leaning against the back of the couch… looking so adorable.

He looks almost shy right now and he blushes under your gaze.

“Yeah,” he says as he reaches for your hand and you let him. “I want our first time to be special. I want it to be in my bed or yours. And I want it…I just.. I don’t want to fuck you in this dressing room. I mean—“

You cut him off as your cheeks flush down to your neck at his words, “I have an apartment here.”

His eyebrows spike up in shock as he looks simultaneously confused, shocked, and you can tell he’s hurt that he doesn’t know about this major change in your life. You reach for his hand and squeeze it when he immediately grips onto yours. Trying to reassure him with your touch.

“Since when?”

“Fairly recent,” you say with a small smile playing on your sinful lips.

“Where?”

“The Copper,” you say with a glint of enthusiasm and he only matches you. Like always.

“You got an apartment there?” His eyes glint with a look of pride.

“I got the penthouse.”

The second that you both walk into your penthouse, Harry’s mouth and hands are on you. And you’re not complaining.

You throw off your blazer at the same time he kicks off his shoes.

His hands are all over the parts of your skin that isn’t covered and he stops when he finds the clasp around your neck. He swiftly unhooks your jumpsuit and you feel it fall over your shoulders and down your chest. Your breasts are now exposed and you feet the cold air brush against your nipples. Perking them up and making you gasp in pleasure.

He tugs on your jumpsuit which makes it pull around your waist and his hands move onto your breasts. He moans into your mouth when he feels them naked since you’re not wearing a bra or pasties. He thumbs your nipples and you whimper into him, licking the roof of his mouth, and sliding your hands underneath his shirt.

He manages to shove you against your couch and you both tumble on it, giggling into the kiss, and his hands are around your body to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.

You giggle as he kisses you, which only makes him giggle with you, and then you’re laying down on your couch. You pull away from him when you feel him get on his knees in front of you.

He slowly slides his hands underneath your jumpsuit, unzipping your boots, and tossing them to the floor. His eyes are only on you.

You watch him with want as he slips off his shirt, tossing it to the side, and you shimmy out of your jumpsuit. Tugging off your black thong with it.

Harry's lips are on yours again and he’s hungry. Kissing you deeply, his tongue fighting for dominance with your own, both moaning and panting, aching for each other, and he’s reaching down to unzip his pants.

Harry’s hands suddenly are off of your hips and his lips leave your own. You whine as you feel him pull away from you and you quickly open your eyes to watch him as he’s watching you, now sitting on his knees on the couch, and his eyes never leave yours.

He slowly lets his eyes wander down your naked body, fully taking in that this is the first time he’s ever seen you naked, and it makes you ache in ways you’ve never ached before. Makes your skin break out into goosebumps at the mere sight of him taking you in.

He stands up, shoving off his leather pants and his red briefs, and his long, thick dick makes an appearance. Your eyes go wide as you look at him, the first time truly looking at his dick, and your pussy only clenches with desire at the same time your mouth waters with want.

His dick is beautiful. Long, thick, and looking juicy. And waiting to fuck you up. His tip is leaking pre-cum already and it bounces with every movement he makes. He moves back to where he was sitting on his knees on the couch, admiring you as you admire him.

“Fuck,” he mutters out as he wipes his face with his hands before he sets them down on your ankles.

“What is it?” You whisper as you move your legs to open up in front of him, feeling your wetness coat your inner thighs, and he bites his bottom lip. His dick twitching in all its hardened glory. He’s almost fully leaking from the tip of his dick.

“You… are beautiful. Breathtaking.. and this is the first time I see you naked. I just wanna admire you,” he says as he pulls your ankle to his shoulder and kisses your shin. You smile as you let yourself spread out more for him as he starts kissing up your legs slowly and sinfully.

Your breathing hitches as he gets closer to your center, you're already antsy when he stops in your inner thigh, kissing both of them, licking them, and sucking small love bites onto them.

You massage your breasts as you lean your head down to get a better look at him.

“You’re glistening,” he mutters against your thigh, kissing right next to your aching pussy. You can help but moan out in want and anticipation. Your hips are getting a mind of their own as you try to hitch them towards his mouth and his eyes move towards yours.

“So inpatient,” he says as his cold fingers are suddenly touching your wet lips, pulling them open, and he spreads you to his liking.

“Oh my god,” you moan out at the sensation that overcomes your entire body at Harry finally touching you.

He moves himself in between your legs, pushing your thighs down on each side, and he lets his tongue slowly lick your pussy. You clench around him, you can’t fully believe that this is happening right now, and you twist your nipples in between your fingers. You tilt your head back in a pant when Harry slips two fingers inside of you.

“Fuck,” he groans out as he curves his fingers inside of you and your pussy only tightens around them. Your breathing has picked up and you can hear how absolutely drenched you are by the sound his fingers are making as he moves them in and out of your pussy.

Harry seems to only fuel himself more with your moans and panting because you feel him start to devour you. You gasp when you feel his tongue lick you from the bottom of your folds all the way to your clit where he swivels his tongue around it and sucks it into his mouth gently. The bundle of nerves makes the pit of your belly harden in pleasure, your back curving upwards, and your hands move into his curls to hold onto something. Anything.

You moan out his name when his fingers start thrusting inside of you, in and out. In and out. And then he picks up his pace, slightly, but making a big difference in how it fuels your impending orgasm.

His fingers continue to fuck you, his mouth devouring you, and his tongue is torturing you. In every possible way. You know this is going to be the best sex of your life. You know you’ll never be able to move on from this. You hope Harry will feel the same way, too.

His mouth moves skillfully against your pussy, his tongue flicking your clit in all the best ways, and you can feel the pressure slowly building up in your lower stomach.

Harry sucks onto your clit, making your legs start to shake slightly, and he inserts a third finger into you. You cry out in pleasure, your body feeling like it’s on fire, your skin is glistening with sweat, and you start to move your hips to match the pace of his mouth.

He doesn’t stop his movements. He only keeps going. His fingers fucking you like heaven, his moans sending shockwaves through your body, and then.. he moves his tongue into the right spot on your clit which makes you absolutely explode from underneath him.

You yell out his name, so loud that if you actually had neighbors on this floor, you’d be scared they’d come banging on your door for being so damn loud, and your eyes prick with tears from the amazing orgasm that overtakes you.

Your toes curl into the couch, fingers gripping onto his curls, entire body clenching and then releasing as you feel yourself soaking Harry's mouth and fingers, and he’s lapping up every single drop of your release. Moaning as you can see his thighs grinding into the couch.

You don’t even let your body come down from the high when you’re hastily moving from being underneath Harry to being on top of him, straddling him, and kissing him hard. Sucking his lips into yours and moaning when you can taste yourself on his tongue.

You kiss him for a couple seconds before you move down his stomach, licking his butterfly tattoo, sucking a couple love bites on his abs, and letting yourself make eye contact with him the entire time.

His pupils are blown out, lips plump and swollen, cheeks flushed bright pink, and he looks fucked.

“Fuck,” he pants out, his voice raspy and blissed out. And he can’t even react before you’re taking in his aching dick into your mouth. Fully deep-throating him that the tip is curving into the back of your throat. Your eyes water as you keep eye contact with him, your hands holding yourself steady against his fern tattoos, and his hands grip into your loose hair.

“Holy shit! You’re fucking-I-you’re fucking taking me all the way, baby!”

You preen at his words, bobbing your head on his dick, pulling up slowly to let your tongue lap over his tip, sucking off the pre-cum into your mouth, and moaning so that he feels every vibration in your throat on his dick. You can feel his dick twitching in pleasure inside of your mouth and it only fuels you to be better. You pick up your pace, nails digging into his hips, lapping him up, and everytime you go all the way down, you let your tongue lick his balls too.

Harry suddenly pulls your face off his dick and you whimper at the disconnection. You look at him with big, blown out pupils, and a stream of saliva connecting your lips with his dick.

He groans as his hands move down to your breasts, pinching your nipples, and then he thumbs your swollen lower lip to wipe off the mess.

“‘M gonna cum if you keep suckin’ me off like that, honey.” His voice is breathless as he cups your face, pulling you up easily, and connecting your lips with his. Your wet core lands on his fat, aching dick, and you already need him inside of you.

You’re aching for him.

You kiss each other roughly, hands all over each other, and you start hitching your hips higher trying to align yourself with his dick. You can feel his dick fluttering in between your folds, wetting him up even more, and then you feel your opening align with his dick. You shift your hips a little bit more and you feel the head of his dick right where you want him.

You lower down onto his pulsating dick and he groans into your mouth. His hands immediately find your hips, holding you steady as you try to lower yourself more, only being halfway.

“God, you’re so fuckin’ tight right now. So fucking tight, give me a second..” He moans even louder as he allows you to lower yourself even more until your pelvis meets his own. You steady yourself on his chest, tightening your arms against your breast, and smiling wickedly at Harry’s expression which only shows pleasure.

You slowly start to move against his hips, slowly bouncing on his dick as his tight grip on your hips help you move, and you can feel how desperate he is for you. How much he’s wanted this. How much you’ve been wanting this.

He slowly starts moving his hips underneath you, quickly changing the pace from slow and sultry to fast and rough. The sound of slapping skin fills the entire penthouse, your moans mixing with his own, and your hands are touching him everywhere.

“You feel so good,” you whimper out to him as you lick the curves of his neck as he pulls you into his chest as he hitches his hips to fuck into you like this.

“You were made for me,” he whimpers back as his arms wrap around your waist.

His thrust only increases in speed in this position. His dick filling you up completely, like nobody ever has, touching every inch of your walls, and your wetness only allows him to fuck into you faster.

You feel the familiar feeling building up in your belly, you lick and suck his earlobe, “I’m so close.”

He quickly turns you over, so that your body is laying on the couch now, his dick never exiting you, and now he hitches your legs to wrap around his waist. He presses down against our belly and it only fuels your climax.

“Oh my fuckin’—” you cry out as you feel Harry fucking you hard and him pushing against your cervix seems to increase the sensations.

“Feel me up here, huh?” He groans out as he continues to push into you at a rough speed which you can only nod, feeling absolutely fucked, and he moves his free hand to your clit. Moving his thumb in circles roughly against it which triggers your orgasm.

You clench around his dick, crying out loud, your entire body breaking out into goosebumps, and instant satisfaction floods you. You tighten your legs around Harry, pulling him into you, waiting for him to cum too, and he’s looking like a fucking god above you.

His curls falling around his face, sweat glistening his toned body and his forehead, fucked out, bright flushed pink cheeks, and you don’t know what comes over you…

You reach forward as he fucks you and you place your hand aound his neck, holding the sides, avoiding the center, and his eyes go wide.

His eyes instantly meet yours and his lips part in shock. And you keep moving your body against his, letting him use you completely, and then.. you squeeze around his neck.

His eyes roll back into his head, biting his bottom lip, fucking you rough and hard, and you know he’s about to cum. You squeeze his throat harder and your free hand reaches underneath his neck to tug his curls.

He lets out the loudest, gut-wrenching moan of the night, and his thrusts start turning animalistic, when he yells out, “Fuckkk!!”

He continues to thrust into you as he reaches his peak, filling you up completely, and you both are a panting mess as you both start coming down from your orgasms.

Harry flops onto your chest, but holding himself up with his forearms on your sides. You giggle as you can still feel his dick inside of you, but you wrap your arms around his neck.

He lifts his head, panting, and eyes glistening. He smiles at you, bunny teeth showing, and dimples carving his cheeks.

“That was…” he stops as if he can’t even find the words, but who are you kidding? You can’t either.

“It was,” you agree as you kiss his forehead.

“That was very much long overdue,” he states with a teasing grin and you playfully pinch his forearm. He laughs into your neck before giving you a soft kiss.

“How long are you here for?” You ask, not really wanting to ask, but you know you should.

“I’m here as long as you are.”

You furr your eyebrows in confusion, lips parting with a question, and he shushes you.

“I’m not letting you leave my sight ever again.”

He places a million kisses over your face, you swat him away with giggles, and then hold his face in your hands. Eyes locking.

“Does this mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” You tease.

“Shit, I’d marry you tomorrow if you’d let me.”

Your eyes glint with amusement and so do his.

“Who says I wouldn’t?” You whisper at him, playing with his curls in your fingers. And he attacks you with another million kisses.

You could get used to this.

And you think you just might.

“So, where’s that secret birthmark of yours?”

@that-daydream-look @harrysfolklore @b-reads-things @tbslnightly @noseyrosey1597 @alwayslovingharry @alreadyjackbestfriend @cevansssss @1cedteaa @feestyles @you-sunshine @awesomebooklover17 @aruima

#harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles smut #harry styles x y/n smut #harry styles x famous!reader #Harry styles x fashion designer!Y/N #harry styles writing #harry styles au #harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fan fic #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic

2K notes · View notes

grapejuicestyless · 5 months

Text

So Long, London

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: Years and years of love and affection couldn’t amount to the floods of tears that flooded the once prosperous city you danced through.

From a young age I’ve always wondered what death feels like. Those who have experienced it aren’t here to tell us their stories. Would it hurt, could I feel it clenching my heart in its dark grasp or would I sigh in my sleep and let the darkness take me with no sense of slipping away.

As I walk down the old roads I used to dance on, I understand the concept of it better now that my heals hit the concrete like bullet shells falling to the floor. The vibrant red brick seemed duller nowadays, moss covering the once new white concrete holding all these places I often visited together.

To me, death wasn’t the last breath of air in my lungs escaping, it wasn’t the melodic beeping of the machines beside me in a hospital room, but something that drowned me from the inside out.

His smell is stuck to all my clothes, his smile carved into the back of my phone case from the polaroids of us I kept for keepsakes for years. I can still hear his voice, it’s all around me in the people passing by on the street, the same accent fresh in my mind, his last words knives in my heart.

He swore that he loved me, but where were the clues? I died at the alter waiting for the proof. His green eyes flashing with mischief as he lied to my heart to keep me close, his bluest days tainting my mind, my endless sympathy forcing me to stay even with the gun stuck against the back of my head.

I don’t remember the end, only the feeling of my spine splitting under the weight of his body as I pulled him in closer each time he slipped out of reach. Only the fading of his smile as I gave up trying to make him laugh after so many failed attempts. The heart was dead, I stopped CPR after all, there was no use. Our love was long dead, lying buried with our faltering spirits. He killed me when he killed our relationship, two graves dug with one gun.

He swore that he loved me, and his face looked just like the man who said it to me and meant it, so I believed him as he led me down the street with his hands in his pockets.

For so long, I loved london. My clothes out of place, made for the states and carried across to my home where he laid in the dimming light of our sunroom. For so long, I held him and guided his heart to mine, I let him take parts of me I’ll never be able to rebuild. And I’m angry that I gave him all that youth for free, but I’m just mad as hell because I loved this place.

And he claims I abandoned the ship, he writes it in the songs on his albums and sends the troops to my front door, breaking down the home I just rebuilt but they’ll never know how I was going down with it, my white knuckle dying grip holding onto his quiet resentment.

But truly how much sad did he think I had left in me to give? How much tragedy? Just how low did he believe I could before I would self-implode, waiting for his grays and blacks to turn back into the vibrancy I fell so deeply in love with.

And as I walk these streets, his scent fading from my clothes, I can feel the color coming back to my face, and I feel bad for anyone who stops me on the streets and asks me to grab a coffee, because the hole in my heart is black and it’s pulling in anything in it’s path, it’s destructive and dangerous and it acts a lot like him.

He’ll find someone, my stitches will come undone and my heart will die as I lay silently on the empty floor of the apartment I never thought I would see again.

I have to leave, I know it even in this post-death mist. I am a ghost walking down these once euphoric streets we walked hand in hand across. I can’t let myself rot like he did, I won’t let myself get left behind like he intended.

And I’m just mad as hell because I once loved this place.

But for now, it’s so long, london.

#harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry x reader #harrystyles #harry styles

110 notes · View notes

cookie-crumblr · 2 months

Text

Chubby F! Housewife Reader x M! Yandere OC Jasper

Part 4

Part 1 here!

MINORS DNI!

CW: F!Reader, reader has a vagina, reader referred to as she/her, non-con somno touching, reader has hair(not described just “in face”, pet names for reader(pretty, ), age regression? kinda a little, names called not by ML(bitch, ), TW ED AND WEIGHT MENTIONED NEGATIVELY(ily fellow girlies and NB’s and boys with ED’s please be warned!), just sad kinda vibes, short part(getting back into it sorry luv yas!) ABUSIVE HUSBAND omg sorry i forgot the wholeass theme

(i know i gave us all so many options XD also i deleted the wholeass ending of the last post?? i confused myself lol so sorry ignore the weirdness plz idk why i did that)

Song rec: a lot on ur plate, by Father

“O-oh this? hah, I uh-uhm, fell, haha, yeah, it was really embarrassing, to be honest.” You rub your arm bashfully, hoping he’ll drop it.

Fell.

On your eye?

Sure.

He smiles softly at you, offering silent consolation for whatever you do not wish to admit. Then he steps back and let’s you inside.

Once inside his eccentricly vaporwave home, he leads you to his game room. It’s fully decked out with two multi-monitored setups, and a humungous T.V. The cable management is immaculate-meaning: You don’t see a single one, it’s beautiful even if you aren’t really into this stuff, you can see the care and dedication he’s put into his hobby, just the same as the rest of his house.

“Wow Jasper! This is so cool!! Your place is really awesome! I don’t know if i’ve told you that yet, but i’m obsessed!” You motion towards the room to show off your point.

He glows sheepishly, he’s used to complements on his appearance sure, but on something so personal to him, and by you, of course he’s a little embarrassed. He’s so ecstatic too. “Thanks pretty~”

He starts setting up for a movie, handing you a box stack of thrillers and slashers to choose from, how cute, physical copies! You wonder if these are his faves, or if he just buys dvd’s for every movie he watches.

You pick one toward the middle, it’s old, like really old. Killer Clowns from Outer Space.

“A classic, truly ahead of its time.”

You’ve fallen asleep on Jasper’s couch somehow, even after the amount you’ve slept this past week.

You felt so calm near him, so safe and relaxed, you’re gonna feel so bad when you wake up, but for now, this is the best rest you’ve gotten in months.

You poor thing, you were all alone in that sunroom for that week, nobody even messaged you. You must’ve been so bored… And so lonely.

He moves some of your hair gently from your face, his lids heavy as he looks from your peaceful expression, straight to your lips. His slender hand slowly raises to meet your skin, his fingers caress your cheek, and flow down to your lips where he pauses to inspect you.

Your head is lolled uncomfortably to one side and you’re a little slouched, yet he gazes over you fondly.

Pale fingers lightly dance over your more sensitive flesh, as he leans closer to you. With eyes heavily lidded and mouth parted slightly he places his lips to yours.

Your lips purse slightly in your sleep, in reception, as if you’re (in his mind) giving him the green light to continue. His heart races wildly in his chest, like a clydesdale down a stone path, heavily and loud.

“So pretty~” it just slips right out of his throat.

You aren’t stirring much, so he gently, and begrudgingly lays you more comfortably next to him… if it was up to him you’d be in his lap, but he is already too excited for that. You’d wake up in horror, he’s sure.

His hands accidentally brush over your chest, and he stops to check on your face, to make sure you’re still asleep. You are.

He brings his palm back to the center of one of your breasts, and softly lays his hand over it, again checking you. His eyes are heavily lidded as he begins to massage and squeeze, upping the pressure little by little. Slowly he starts to press harder and uses his thumb to brush over your peaked nipple, he runs it over so many times by now your breathing shallower. Every flick of your bud has your body almost jumping in your slumber.

You mumble something, and startle Jasper, he stops, before switching to your other breast, making that feel just as hot as the first. Flicking over that sensitive nipple through the fabric of your top, he stops to pinch them both and watch you take much shallower, and needier breaths. His own breathing is becoming hard to keep quite as your growing excitement is evident to him.

Imagining how wet you must be already has him dizzy, and on his knees in front of you and the couch.

If he goes any further he’ll have to do something more drastic… He can feel it in him, the surmounting hunger making his head feel full of smoke ready to burst out.

“Fuck.” He fixes your top and pulls away to go find a blanket.

Just then, your phone dings eight a message from your husband. Jasper fishes around his own pocket for your clone and checks the message:

“Where the fuck are you Y/N”

Jasper’s eye twitches, as he reads and rereads the message over again.

“mmf… Jas-*Yaawwwn~*per?” You stretch and sit up behind him, he puts away the phone clone, and readjusts his pants in the same motion as he turns to you. His erection twitches with the way you said his name, rubbing painfully against the tightness of his jeans.

“Hey there, pretty~ how did you sleep?” His mind melts again when he sees you, forgetting all about your husband already.

You giggle and your face heats up hearing him call you that so naturally, and in his soothing, breathy voice. Not to mention, after such a hot dream…

You push the heels of your palms sheepishly into your eyes, pretending to wipe them but really just trying to hide the fact that you’re flustered by him. He watches closely with intense interest sparkling in his irises.

“Oh shit!” You exclaim, locking back into reality and you start to frantically look around the couch for your phone, which ended up under your cushy behind.

“You alright?” He asks, worried.

Your heart sinks at the message you’ve awoken to… How can your husband be so… Cruel?

“N-no… I don’t think I am…” Tears well in your eyes.

He shuffles closer getting on his knees before you, and cupping your face.

“Do you want me to fix it?” his voice is so serious it makes your heart thump nervously.

“I don’t know, Jasper…” You aren’t sure what he means. “I can fix it, i’m sure!” You shake your head with determination.

A gentle smile creeps across his face, you have to look away as your heart keeps thumping too hard and too loudly! And he’s just too handsome, does he know what he’s doing to you.

His hand remains cupping the air where your chin once was for a second longingly, before he lets it fall to the couch cushion.

“If you ever need me, just tell me.” He offers.

You nod your head once in understanding, even though you have no idea what he could possibly mean by him ‘fixing it’.

You collect your things and head home. Jasper follows you and walks you to the gate between your yards.

“See ya soon, pretty~”

You turn on your heel bashfully, fuck! why is he so hot and he just keeps calling you that…. Is it so wrong that you don’t ever want him to stop either…?

Your husband on the other hand, stands tall and looks in the doorway like a massive father waiting for his troublesome little girl to come home. you feel like a little girl before him too, one that’s broken a rule and about to be punished.

“If you hadn’t been in the sunroom sulking for a week i’d think you’ve cheated on me, stupid selfish bitch. Who was that, thing, at our yard gate?”

Anger boils in you but quickly simmers when you remember he already punched you once. “That’s just our neighbor, his name is Jasper.”

“You’re already buddy buddy with the local freak then. You’re to stop hanging around it effective immediately, Y/N.” Gods he sounds like a father too. Bile builds in your throat and you swallow hard to avoid gagging.

“Yes sir.” It just slipped out naturally, like his commanding tone just awakened your much younger self. You almost gag again, and hold your stomach and mouth.

He sees you practically turning green and gets angry with you, “What the fuck is your problem bitch?” He sets down his crystal glass of scotch, and cracks his left knuckles.

“No-nothing! sorry, i think i ate something bad earlier”

“Speaking of, you should stop eating for a while. You’re embarrassing me now,” He says it so easily, something so atrocious.

“Maybe i will then…” The words fall from your lips dejectedly.

The world is a deep blur as your feet carry you to the bedroom behind Edward. He shoves you in front of him, getting tired of dragging you by your soft arm. You look down at your wrist and see angry skin already forming blues, but you aren’t feeling any pain.

Are you that dissociated? You blink a few times, but you realize you’d rather stay zoned out, and climb into the cold bed.

Just curious,

68 notes · View notes

vodika-vibes · 5 months

Note

hii i was hoping to request wolffe with topaz or ruby (your choice i’m good with either one!!) in winter at sunset for your follower event pls!!

Safe and Sound

Summary: You love watching the sunset, especially in the winter when the sky is painted in purples and blues. Wolffe isn’t quite so fond of it, but he loves you, so he’s there anyway.

Pairing: Commander Wolffe x GN!Reader

Word Count: 677

Prompt: Topaz - Affectionate Love

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly

A/N: Thank you for your request! I hope that this is close to what you wanted. I was in the mood for some massive Wolffe fluff. The title is brought to you by the song that was playing when I started writing it, lol.

You sit on the couch in your sunroom, your gaze directed at the setting sun as you watch as the sky is painted in purples and blues. You pull your legs up to your chest, carefully making sure that the fleece blanket is covering all of you.

Maybe you should take a picture, so you can try and replicate what you’re seeing on a canvas later-

Your head tilts to the side when the side door opens. A small smile crosses your face when Wolffe, your Wolffe, stops in the door and stomps snow off his boots.

“Welcome back,” You say in a light voice.

“Thanks,” He rips his gloves off and tosses them in a pile of winter clothes, “Kriff, it’s freezing out there.”

“Mm, the weather did say that the temperature was going to drop tonight.” You reply, “Come and sit with me?”

He glances at you, his mismatched eyes flickering over the blanket wrapped around you, and he laughs, “You know, it’s probably warmer in the main part of the house.

“I’m plenty warm here,” You counter, “And I’ll be warmer when you sit with me.”

“So bossy,” Still, Wolffe tosses the last of his winter gear to the side and walks over to you, dropping on the couch with a heavy sigh, before he tugs you onto his lap. Almost immediately, he buries his face in your neck, pressing a feather light kiss against the skin there. “Are we watching the sky again?”

“It’s pretty.” You offer.

“Mm. Seen one sunset, seen them all.” Wolffe counters, as he continues laying light kisses against your skin.

“Well, you don’t have to sit with me, Wolffe.” You point out logically as you reach up to lightly pet his hair.

“Sure I do, wouldn’t want you to get lonely.” Wolffe’s lips curl up into a small smirk, and you yelp when his hands dip under your shirt. His hands are like ice.

“Cold!” You yelp, trying to squirm away, though his grip around you is firm, holding you in place, “Were you pushing snow around with your bare hands?” You demand, shivering as his hands drift a little higher.

“Just wanted to share the love, since you’ve done everything in your power to avoid the cold, cyare.” He pulls away from your neck and he has a mischievous little grin on his lips.

“Mean.”

“You’ll live.” Wolffe replies, as he shifts you so that you’re facing him, “There we go, now I can see that pretty face of yours.”

You pull your hands out from under the blanket and press them against his face, “Mm, well, one of us is pretty, but I think it’s you.”

“Yeah, the scar really brings out the color of my eyes.” He jokes, his eyes closing as your soft fingers lightly trail against the scar over his eye.

“There’s a reason I spend most of my time painting you, handsome.” You point out, “And it’s only a little bit because I love you.”

“Hm, and what’s the rest?”

“Because you’re gorgeous and everyone should see you like I do.” You say stubbornly.

“Everyone, huh.” Wolffe asks with a small smirk.

Your face heats, “Well. Maybe not exactly like how I see you,” You admit sheepishly.

He laughs and pulls you in for a kiss, “I love you, you know that?”

“You might have mentioned it once or twice,” You say with a small grin.

“Only once or twice? Well, I’m clearly neglecting you. Let me fix that.” He presses his lips against your forehead, “I love you.” His lips trail down your nose, “I love you.” Across your eyelids, “I love you. I love you.” Down your cheeks, “I love you.”

You dissolve into giggles just before his lips catch your own in a heated kiss, “I love you.” He murmurs against your lips, his gaze heated.

Your lips curl up into a smile as you trail your fingers up into his curls, “Show me?”

A low chuckle falls from his lips, “Oh, cyar’ika, as though you have to ask.”

#star wars #tcw #vodika-vibes 500 follower celebration #commander wolffe x reader #wolffe x reader #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction #gn!reader fic #answered asks

76 notes · View notes

r0ckgoblin · 2 years

Text

Would that I- bella ramsey xreader

“true that i saw her hair like the branch of a tree”

summary: bella is a person of many trades, your favorites just so happen to be when they play guitar and sing. you have always admired this about her, as any friend would. b/c you and bella have always been supportive of each other’s interest, they always come to you first when he’s written a song or learned a new one. why would this time be any different?

a/n: idk how to write summaries… but anyways enjoy:) (p.s. hc wise, i think they listen to hozier…yea she definitely does)

warnings: unproper grammar(maybe) how i've passed all my lit classes i will never know. probably not fully proofread, i miss the smallest things smh

*all pronouns for bella used*

you wiggle the key into the stubborn door of bella’s apartment, eventually winning the fight against it. opening the door you’re met with the sound of guitar strings being plucked and you smile softly. setting your bag on the kitchen counter you begin wandering around looking for your best friend.

“hey bels?” you call out.

“in here” he says from the sunroom.

you laugh softly grabbing a small throw blanket from the couch.

"hi" you smile, bending down to hug her, finding it a little difficult due to the guitar in their lap. the smell of old spice wonderfully clouds your sense of smell as they reach up to hug you back. the two of you gently sway for a few seconds before you pull back to adjust yourself next to him on the small couch, covering your legs with the blanket.

"how was your day?" he asks smiling over at you.

"it was good, slow, it was just a lot of cleaning up some scenes" you exhale recalling your most recent project, a movie you had been working on for the last few months, one only the people a part of it and the people closes to you knew about. acting was stressful sometimes, but the final project was always worth it, and that's something you and bella could both agree on.

"those days are inevitable, but i believe in you." they say as the lean back to rest their head on your shoulder. this caused you to blush a light pink color, luckily, he couldn't see your face at the moment. you didn't know what it was but lately you've been feeling certain ways about your best friend, and you were scared you wouldn't be able to hide those feelings for much longer. the only thing stopping you was the incessant fear of losing her friendship if they didn't feel the same way.

after moments of peaceful silence bella breaks it be jolting up excitedly. "oh! i learned a new song!"

"really? show me!'' you smiled mirroring her excitement. for as long as you've known bella your favorite thing about them has been her ability to play guitar and sing. they were so good at it, and it seemed to be a big passion of his as well.

"of course! you're going to love it, it's a hozier song" they beam at you holding eye contact waiting for your reaction, which didn't take long because you immediately grinned so big.

" you learned another one? which one?!" you question with giddy.

"you'll have to guess."

"c'mon that's no fun" you whine putting on a fake frown.

"you'll live" she jokes.

"okay, fine go." you pout resulting in a laugh from her.

she plucks some cords before playing, listening to them intently. you just stare at him in awe. before you know it, you're hearing the first notes of hozier's "would that i". you gasp in amazement, and they let a small laugh leave their mouth, somehow without losing focus. as if it couldn't get any better, he also starts singing the words along with the music.

you feel your eyes water, you have no idea why that would be happening. was it the emotional toll of being in love with your best friend, someone who you've watched grow into a beautiful and talented human being? the fear that if you were to express how you feel, it could all turn against you, and you lose the one person who means the most in the world to you? or maybe it's just because the song is so beautiful? its defiantly the song.

you got so lost listening to his voice and the way the sun setting through the window made their skin glow and made his hair shine like honey. shit you were head over heels.

by down you had drowned out her voice due to your staring that you didn't even realize they had finished. not until they're talking directly at you. you blush a little realizing you 100% got caught staring.

"so what do you think?" she ask not making eye contact.

"i loved it," you smiled,

"thank you so much." he grins, and you swear you see faint pink on their cheeks.

"i, um-", you go to say something, but you stop yourself.

"what was that?''

"i uh... i should get back to my hotel.''

"just stay here'' she says but its more of a begging question.

"no, i can't, ive got an early morning and we both know i'm not quiet in the mornings, i wouldn't want to wake you that early.'' you try and lie.

"y/n please'' he begs, grabbing your hand giving you those big brown puppy eyes.

"i'm sorry.'' you shake your head.

they tug you closer, your chests touching. they stare you in the eyes, you notice her give a quick glance to your lips. you in return look to theirs.

"there's something uh... i've mean meaning to tell you," they exhale nervously, "and i really need to get it off my chest. this um..." they swallow hard, "this is harder than i thought."

"shut up" you say with a fake serious tone.

"what i haven't even gotten to what i wanted to say." they knit their eyebrows in confusion.

"you don't have to, if it's what i think it is, i already know," you smile, "because i want to tell you the same thing."

"y/n-"

"i like you, like REALLY like you okay!"

"i-" they were speechless. you two just stared back at each other, waiting for the other to speak.

"i like you two, like reeaallyy like you." they smile wide.

you smile and release a breath of relief, resting your forehead on theirs. you two stay like that giggling back and forth.

"can i kiss you?" they speak up.

"of course." you smile.

she then softly presses their lips to yours, grabbing your face, she deepens the kiss making it more passionate but soft. his hands travel to your hair gently brushing it while your hands find the small of their back caressing softly. this goes on until your both pulling away for air, laughing breathlessly.

"so... stay the night?"

you laugh hugging them as they spin you around like something out of a movie.

the rest of the night you spend cuddled on the couch watching your favorite movies until you're both passed out in each other's arms.

a/n: AAAAHHH LETS GOOOO!!!! so BAHAHAAHAH this took longer than i wanted and it's not even as long as i wanted it:( anyways here it is, i hope you really enjoy it. there will hopefully be more in the future:) feel free to request, also let me know if my replies are off bc i clicked on one of my post and it says my comments are turned off??? idk, but my asks should be on:) love you! have a great day/night!🫶

#bella ramsey #bella ramsey fic #the last of us #the last of us hbo #bella ramsey x reader

476 notes · View notes

64yrsold · 1 year

Text

ACHES 11. mine

18+ (please see masterlist for cw) aches masterlist previous (10)

I slept through the morning, waking up cold and bothered by the afternoon light seeping through the curtains. His pillow was creased and empty, so I listened for him. In the midst of the droning of traffic, and the song of spring birds, was the warm, full sound of his acoustic. I peeked out of the bedroom, shivering.

He muted the strings when he saw me, “Morning, angelface.”

I scoffed at the nickname, pretending I didn’t like it.

“You need a coffee?” He asked, setting his guitar in its stand. “God, you look freezing.”

“I think I’m turning to stone,” I mumbled, “Feel how cold my hands are.”

I put my hands between his, his eyes squeezing shut in a wince.

“Oh, darling,” he pulled me in by my wrists, letting me sink into his outstretched body on the couch. I fit perfectly on top of him, my cheek to his sunkissed cotton sweater. I breathed in his scent, making him giggle.

“Why do you always do that?” He messily brushed my hair to one side, his fingers rough on my scalp. I grabbed handfuls of his sweater.

“You smell nice,” I took in another breath, then looked up at him with a frown. “You smell like my soap.”

He pressed his lips into a line, “That’s weird.”

I narrowed my eyes, “I bought you your own soap, remember?”

“And I use it every time I shower,” he nodded. His cheeks reddened, just slightly, as if I had pinched his milky skin between my fingers.

“Liar,” I accused, laughing.

“I really do!” He argued, but blushed harder. He sighed, rolling his eyes, “Fuck, I’m a horrible liar.”

“I’m too cold to be mad, anyways,” I let my head drop to his sternum again, shuddering. He grabbed the hem of his sweater, pulling it over my head, covering me in darkness. He didn’t mind my frigid hands seeking shelter on his torso, or my cold nose pressed into his ribcage.

“I wish I had an apartment with proper heating,” I grumbled, escaping from under his sweater. My hair was frizzy and disheveled, and he grinned, patting it down.

“Then you wouldn’t need me to warm you up,” he cupped my cheek, dragging his thumb down my nose.

“Well, you won’t be here all the time, will you?”

“Sure I will be,” he smiled, the bridge of his nose blushing pink. “Tell me more about your dream house.”

I closed my eyes, picturing it, “I’ve thought a lot about this.”

“Really?”

“The exterior is a baby blue. I saw a house like that once, and it was so cheery and comforting to look at. Like looking at the sky.”

He hummed, “I wouldn’t mind that.”

“There’s a sunroom, and a big porch in the back. A kitchen with a big sink. I can keep a garden in the backyard, too.”

“How many bedrooms?”

I hesitated, “Just one for us.”

“You don’t want kids?” He asked. His thumb traced the apple of my cheek. He didn’t seem surprised, or upset. Just curious.

“Not yet,” I shrugged. “I don’t really know.”

“I might like a baby. I think I’d be a good father. I would try, at least.” I could see him picturing it, taking care of a child. He smiled, looking up with those round, brown eyes. “I could do it with you.”

I smiled back.

“Only if you want, I mean,” he corrected.

“Right,” I nodded, laying back down on his chest. I listened to his heart, fast and loud. I rose with the waves of his breath.

“If you don’t want kids, I don’t want kids,” he sighed, letting his head fall back to the couch. “I’m driving this conversation into the ground.”

“You can retry, if you want.”

“I’d like kids. If you want kids. I love you.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “I love you.”

“Do you want that coffee?”

“Yes, please.”

He sat up, hands skimming over my back. I sat in the corner of the couch, and he pulled his sweater over his head.

“You can keep this one,” he whispered, helping me put my arms through it. He took the hood, tightening it around my face, tying a knot below my chin. “Looks cute on you.” He kissed me, all comfort and adoration. He kissed me to communicate, to say he was mine, just to feel close to me.

I fought against sleep on the couch as the apartment filled with the smell of coffee.

-> next (12)

#matty healy #the 1975 #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy fanfiction #matty the 1975 #matty x reader #matty healy x reader #64matty #aches

153 notes · View notes

dollywheeler · 3 months

Text

October 19th, 1996

Dear diary,

Yesterday was so much fun! I haven’t been able to stop practicing Champagne Supernova all morning long. It’s still such a great song, and it’s even better now that I can play it myself.

It was weird leaving school with Mike yesterday though - first of all, to hang around after last period while everyone else rushed for the door, and then to wait as the school emptied out and Mike gathered his stuff. He had to make a detour past the office, so by the time we were on the parking lot it was basically empty.

I asked where Will was, and Mike explained that Will doesn’t have any classes on Friday afternoon so he went to pick up El from the greyhound terminal in Indianapolis. She is home again for a few weeks after spending the last two in Chicago with Max, Lucas, and Erica.

I was disappointed at first, but Mike assured me he’d be back for dinner. Just as I’d feared, it was awkward to be around Mike while it was just the two of us - I mean the only other time that has happened was when I was having a minor breakdown. It was a lot of awkward silence at first, asking stilted questions about how I was doing, and Mike tapping nervously on the steering wheel. I’d forgotten how twitchy he was, he manages to hide it well enough during class, but he does pace a lot, so that might be his outlet there.

Anyway, once he got back to his house it was a little easier - he got us something to drink and ran upstairs to grab his extra guitar - and then we settled into the sunroom to start practicing.

It was easy then - with the guitars between us like a barrier and having something to focus on that wasn’t each other. There was no expectation of talking about ourselves, no need to fill the awkward silence. The practice I got at at Stevenson’s paid off, as the intro to the song already went much smoother for me than it did Mike - I could even give him tips on shifting his fingers more easily.

By the time Will got back, I kind of regretted the interruption. It had been nice to spend time with Mike - after a while, it felt nothing like I’d feared; he didn’t make me feel small or like a child at all. For once, it felt like we were just friends hanging out. Even the moments where he was being too much of an annoying know-it-all older brother were strangely welcome.

I just don’t get why it couldn’t have been like this all along. Why, when he actually should have been my older brother, he was a million miles away.

I can’t think about it too much - I get too frustrated.

Anyway, Will got back and started on dinner while we continued playing. It was nice of him to cook for us so we could have more time to practice. Mom showed up right on time for dinner, and though tonight was a lot more casual than last time, it was just as nice. It's strange how quickly you can get used to something. Mike and mom mostly talked about Nancy and Jonathan’s latest work trip to Argentina. Apparently Nancy called right before mom was about to leave which is why she was a bit delayed. I think that made it easier for them - not having to focus on each other.

I’m sad I missed the call, so I might try calling her myself later tonight.

Anyway, I won’t get around to completing Song of Myself today as I’d planned, as dad and I are going on a spontaneous trip to the antiquities market in Bedford. I should have just asked Mike to read it to me while I was there yesterday. Hell, maybe I can convince Mike to just give me the cliff notes for Walden because I’m really not looking forward to having to read that next weekend. I already tried reading it once two summers ago, the last time we went to the lake, because it seemed appropriate, and it made me want to carve my eyeballs out from boredom.

I kept waiting for something to happen and all it did was make me want to rewatch Friday the 13th just so I could imagine someone chasing this guy around his cabin with an axe.

Anyway, I’m excited to go out with dad today. He’d just casually mentioned seeing an ad for the market during breakfast - I don’t think he was actually planning on going until I asked if we could go together so I’m glad I did. He doesn’t leave the house often enough these days. And I’ve barely seen him since school started because I’ve been so busy myself.

I heard him and mom arguing last night - though I couldn’t hear much, I’m pretty sure it was about having dinner at Mike’s. I really can’t fault him over it either. It’s just so confusing because Mike and mom talked much easier than last time, but seem to agree on not letting dad join us as well - I really don’t understand.

I know dad and him don't have much in common, but it’s not like they fought all the time either. Hell, dad doesn’t even yell ever - not even when Mike disappeared for hours on end and had mom worried out of her mind for the millionth time. I know I have no experience yet in being an adult but I’m sure having your parents over is just something you have to put up with - even if it’s against your will.

Besides, how can you actually learn to enjoy spending time with your parents when you never give them the chance? Nancy and mom get along better now than they ever did before. And sure, Nancy gets frustrated too sometimes with dad’s opinions, but she still comes over whenever she can and deals with it!

But what do I know, right?

Anyway, I really should be getting ready - dad wanted to leave before 11 and I have to be back in time for cheer practice.

Love, Holly

PS. Also mom called the developer and our homecoming pictures should finally be done sometime next week!!! I’m so excited to see how they turned out!

#holly wheeler #byler #mike wheeler #will byers #the third wheeler #fanfic #ttw #stranger things #st #Happy Birthday McKenna Grace!

52 notes · View notes

toulousewayne · 8 months

Text

Batfamily Shenanigans:Head-canons Pt: 4

The Wayne family attends Gala all the time. Some have for years, but that doesn’t mean that all enjoy them. Bruce and Damian attend them purely for appearances, Dick is there to kept his siblings from burning down the building, Jason always sneaks in as different undercover identities, Tim has to go because he has to also keep up appearances but most of the time you will find him indirectly call the investors idiots. Duke and Steph are at the snack table, Cass sticks next to Babs at the table and they watch the chaos together. Alfred joins them sometimes.

It comes as to no shock that Tim has severe Narcolepsy, but Dick and Bruce have insomnia.

Damian watched Tim while he sleeps. No one knows when he started but he always tells the other it’s because Tim is prone to falling. Which is lie but no one ever stops him.

Stephanie is very skilled mechanic, sometimes when there’s down time she’s found repairing or working on of the bat bikes or the Batmobile.

Dick Grayson is color blind. It’s only when he comments on Stephanie’s brown sweater that Jason points out to him. Barbara and Bruce knew the whole time and just thought he was doing it to be funny, it comes as a shock to Dick though.

Duke and Cass go to the flee market every Sunday. The buy fresh produce and eggs for Alfred. Cass even thrifts a few clothing pieces.

Speaking of Clothes, no one has all their clothes anymore. Jason’s hoodies are always stole from the manor, his safehouses in the city and out of the country it doesn’t matter. They’ll usually end up in Cass, Tim or Steph’s closet. Dick’s T-shirts are public domain at this point because all his siblings have at least one of them. Barbara can never find her fuzzy socks until she visit the manor next and find them on Damian and Stephanie’s feet. Tim’s jewelry is always around Cass’ neck. Damian is the only safe because no one can fit his stuff but he does get Duke and Tim’s clothes they’ve outgrown.

Cass will sometimes spend time with Alfred in the cave repairing the suits. She’s very good at sewing.

Selina is lactose intolerant, Bruce finds this hilarious.

Duke took dance classes sense he was eight. He can dance the waltz, break dance, ballet, jig, salsa, and a few others.

Bruce allowed Tim create the design of the newest bat tech.

Alfred enjoys his tea with sugar and crème, Damian of course likes sugar and lemon. They have weekly tea parties in the sunroom with Alfred the cat and Titus.

Dick has the most mixed playlist of songs. So, whether he’s on a steal out with Bruce, driving Damian to soccer practice, or even just cleaning his apartment by himself he’s got something for everyone.

Barbara loves Amy Winehouse, she plays her record several times a day in the Clocktower.

While on the subject of music, Tim can sing and it was very embarrassing when his family found out. Tim was in his room singing with his headphones on but his door was open and he didn’t realize how loud he was. Dick and Steph came across him singing. Stephanie record it and sent it to the group. Tim was embraced by his family for his beautiful voice and they wanted to hear more, but poor Tim wanted the world to swallow him whole. Jason can play guitar and Dick can’t sing well but he can also play guitar in addition to the bass.

Damian is able to find his family with little tech involved. The OG Titans came back to the tower after helping Donna with a mission and Robin was perched in their living room. He gave Wally a heart attack. Tim was having a game night with Conner,Bart, and Cassie and the scream Bart unleashed when they found Damian in the kitchen starring at the pizza boxes on the counter and questioned Tim on lack of a proper diet.

Clark has nearly broken the sound barrier twice over not being able to hear Bruce’s heartbeat. Luckily both times Bruce had to slow his heart rate to be near death to escape sticky situations and both were ended due to a worried Krypton.

“I wanted Red Claw to think I was dead, I had to slow my heart rate to throw her off.”

“AND YOU DIDN’T THINK TO SAY THAT TO ME, I WAS IN AUSTRALIA?”

Speaking of the Man of Steel, when Dick was freshly Robin and before Clark married Lois, the Boy Wonder tried to set up his father and Clark on several blind dates. Once he canceled a date of Bruce’s and rescheduled a business dinner for Clark and the two ended up on a romantic balcony date in Metropolis. They were both shocked and a blushing mess. It got worse when the waiter address the “Happy Couple” has was instructed from the reservation that Dick set.

Robin got an ear full the next morning from Bruce but to Dick it was worth it and even Alfred may have pulled a string or two.

Another time Bruce couldn’t watch Dick and Alfred was visiting London for the next week and Bruce had to Wayne Enterprises Event. He asked Clark if he could watch Dick for the night and of course he offered.

Not even five minutes after he left did Dick turn to Clark,”So, your dating my Father?”

Clark was as red as his cape and he tried to explain to Dick they are just friends. “Whatever you say Clark, but just curious would you take his last name or will he take yours? Because honestly I don’t see why you can’t use both—“

Clark cover his face as the young bird continued to show his support for his favorite ship.

“Are you also gonna adopt me too now?”

“Okay, time to see what time your Father’s coming back.” He sighed.

128 notes · View notes

sgdlr-asdfghjkl · 8 months

Text

Link Click Musical content 120

(it's been a busy time, so let's do a summary)

Because of Chinese New Year holidays, the musical is currently on a break 🐲🌟 There were just a few last performances and now they're resting 🙏 However, some extra content came out, so let's go through it (all video links in replies as always :*)!

LC Musical got media coverage on CCTV (Chinese Central Television - main national tv station in China). It was a short material promoting the play and the theatre, you can actually watch it on Encore Musicals' weibo and bilibili. The stageplay has gained popularity since the premiere and more people are visiting Shanghai to see it. So this news piece is basically a big shout out and a recommendation 🌟

Another video on Encore Musicals bilibili (and 1st pic at the top of my post) is from when the whole musical crew was drawing red envelopes 🧧 (I didn't know this tradition, so I added the wiki for you too^). Basically Zhang Jiahao and Wang Minhui drew the best gifts and were happy about it ^^

I already posted abt Wang Minhui's vlog with rehearsal scenes, but thanks to @chocolatexiaoshi 💝 explanations and translations from @/Elaraqwq and @/bhd322418 on twt 💙, I can tell you about some fun details about it ^^

⬆ So yea, here Cai Qi really says: "Coincidentally, I'm single too. If you want, I'll be your first boyfriend."

⬆ here Cai Qi starts singing CXS's main plot song "Words can't convey the love", then it cuts to Wang Minhui singing the rest (best thing is, we'll get to see that song performed by Shu Rongbo and Wu Yihan on Feb 10th livestream).

⬆ then he talks about the books they have in sunroom shelves. He points out how the books are all about how to become wealthy and sucessful, with titles like: 'It's performance that counts', 'Project Management Practices', 'Conscientiousness trumps competence', 'Corporate Strategy and Risk Management'. Like, the book he's holding in 2nd pic is written by Jack Ma Jun, 4th wealthiest person in China, you get the vibe... It's such a funny touch and shows attention to details by the crew designing the set ❤ I love the idea of our broke indebted boys having a library of economy coaching books ><'

⬆ (okay... okay, you got this Niebo) Then this part. Wang Minhui is singing a song from another musical (白夜追凶 roughly translated as 'Chasing the murderers day and night') in which they played as twins. Minhui played the older brother who was an experienced policeman.

In order to solve the case, Minhui's character tried to rewrite the psychology of the perpetrator, that's what this song is about. Like he was just imagining the interrogation. So Cai Qi is reenacting what Minhui is singing. It is not the actual choreography to that song 💀

Okay, that's all I had to share about the vlog, thank you Mr Wang Minhui 🧎‍♂️

From minor news, Encore Musicals announced they'll be auditioning for LC Musical cast. It's probably connected to how it's a long-term stage and they'll need more actors. According to choco-xiaoshi, musicals like this can go on for a year or longer, depending on how well the tickets sell. And for now LC stage is selling well 🌟

They also posted the performace schedule for March, with special events marked. And yes, Shu Rongbo and Wu Yihan have birthdays on the same day, March 10th and will be performing then 😌

Also Liao Jingyuan and Cai Lu posted these pictures:

To finish this post off, have this Rock, Paper, Scissors sequence between Bai Zhuoming and Wu Yihan. It's not recent, but I like it and wanted to post all the pics together but always reached photo limit before I could ><

it's missing Wu Yihan hours fr

Okie, hope you had fun ^^ remember to make use of a masterlist~

#link click #link click musical #shiguang dailiren #lu guang #cheng xiaoshi #qiao ling #wang minhui #teng chunpeng #cai qi #shu rongbo #wu yihan #zhang jiahao #cai lu #bai zhuoming #source: weibo

53 notes · View notes

hannahssimblr · 7 months

Text

Jen rests her chin upon her hands as she gazes out over the rooftops of south Dublin's red brick terraces. She sits with her back to the engine, watching as the world rushes away from her through the window of a train, quaint city houses becoming beaches becoming a harbour with its white sailboats and flocks of shrieking seagulls. Not me, I sit facing forward, always, waiting for the world to come to me instead, never ever looking back at it, not really. It is better to focus your attention on what is ahead, plus I don’t get nauseated this way.

The sky is flat, clear blue over the ridiculous mansions of the Dalkey Commons. Only from this vantage point, on this train track that slices through this particular suburban haven would anyone ordinary ever get to see these palatial Victorian houses with their tennis courts and their private boat docks and their sunrooms that they won’t ever call ‘the sunroom’, they probably call it the orangery, or something.

I like to sit facing this way mostly, because I like to be the first one to see Bray head as we launch out of a dark tunnel through the cliffs and all of a sudden it is though we are flying through the air, the tracks so close to the sheer drop to the sea that it seems the ground has been pulled out from under us. It does something to the inside of me, this view, the same thing that happens when I get to the part of a song that I really love and can’t help but stop and savour every time it comes around on my iPod, as though I need to give it the intentness it deserves. I’ll just stop what I’m doing and listen, or look, as in the case of this particular segment of the train journey, to where the sea glitters under the sun and the foam from the waves bubbles up around the rocks at the base of the cliffs.

Often I think of Ivy when I’m on this train. Of when she was three and insisted on wedging her little body between me and the window, and pressing her nose and fat little hands against it to stare out at the view. I told her that the train had flown off the tracks and we were about to crash into the sea and she let out a terrified scream and squirmed and clawed for my irritated mother, who never told her frightening lies for the sake of a reaction. I didn’t mean to ruin the journey for my family and all other passengers in the carriage. I was just trying to be funny.

As we climb off the DART at Bray station Jen links arms with me and we amble down toward the seaside. Here, a million rounded and weathered rocks tumble and roar as the waves wash over them and it is loud enough that we don’t even try to shout over it. The thing about hanging out with Jen is that we never feel obligated to fill any silences that we have no words to fill them with. She’s not in a talkative mood anymore, and that’s fine, so we simply walk the beach then wander through the town and look at all of the pretty houses where famous writers lived and nobody ordinary will ever own again, until she squints at a sign for the aquarium ahead and asks me if I want to go.

Of course I do.

Beginning // Prev // Next

#lucky boy 2009 #just a bit of Dublin and Wicklow love today #I used to take this train journey every week #and it'd never ever stop being stunningly beautiful

43 notes · View notes

cherrylng · 4 months

Text

WOTP Dom Howard Interview [INROCK - Muse (October 2022)]

Unparalleled rock trio Muse release first new album in four years, Will of the People.

"We don't want to do a best-of album or a compilation because we're going to keep making new music."

Dominic Howard/Muse INTERVIEW: AI ANAZAWA

Muse have released their new album ‘Will of the People’, their first album in almost four years since ‘Simulation Theory’ (2018). The band has always been big on the soundscale, but this time they've pushed each of the songs to their full potential, making the rock songs harder and the ballads more dramatic, creating what might be described as the ‘strongest’ album yet. The album was self-produced without an external producer due to the Corona disaster, but as you would expect from a seasoned artist, he knows his identity and what he needs to do now. Dominic, who agreed to be interviewed by Zoom, was relaxing in the sunroom of his London home with his dog.

—I saw a picture of you at a recent festival where you were playing drums in a full face mask, is that a new image for the new album ‘Will of the People’? Dominic Howard (dr.): We start the show with ‘Will of the People’ and we also appear wearing the masks that the main characters and groups that appear on the album cover and video wear. It's the opening song.

—Oh, I thought it was hot in the summer (laughs). Dominic: (laughs). I can hardly see anything when I'm wearing that. I can barely see the drums in front of me, so I think Matt [Matthew Bellamy, vo. keys g.] and Chris [Wolstenholme, b.] have an even harder time. They'll be playing while trying to keep an eye on the fretboard. Plus, it's a full face, so it's hard to breathe. And there's a burning ‘Will of the People‘ logo right behind me, so my back is burning hot. But, you know, I'll do anything for rock‘n’roll (laughs).

“I was careful to avoid abstractions, and I was also very conscious of keeping it tight.”

—This album is especially Hard Rock, isn't it? A lot of albums made during the pandemic have been released one after another, but I have the impression that many of them are introspective because of the production environment, but this album is the complete opposite of that (laughs). Dominic: Yeah, it's a heavier, harder rock sound, less introspective… We were definitely working on some of it during the lockdown, though. I think everyone tended to be more introspective back then, and people were making music that sounded a bit more light-hearted, maybe not as bombastic as ours. Anyway, that kind of thing (introspective, light music) is not really our thing, it's more outward expression, more outlandish. Yeah, we haven't done an album as heavy as this one in a really long time.

—I read that you started this album as a response to a label proposal to release a best-of album, but why are you against the idea of a greatest hits album in the first place? Dominic: Realistically speaking, best-of albums aren't what they used to be, are they? Nowadays, a person's top 10 favourite songs on Spotify are their best releases, right? Labels want to do best-of records because they want to promote the band, but we've always been against it because we feel like a best-of record is kind of the end of your career, you know (laughs). We don't want to do a best-of album or compilation because we're going to keep making new music. The labels might have come up with the idea in discussions to see if there was anything they could release during the pandemic, but we've always said no, let's make new material instead.

—I see. Matt describes the album as “best of new songs” and “a montage piece packed with the best of Muse.” Was that the band's goal or perception in the making of the album? Did you actually discuss such things? Dominic: Hahaha, we talk about it all the time. The whole time we were making it. But I don't think it was ever our concept. I'm sure Matt said that because we like the album that much and we think it's like our best album. I think he wanted to say that it's like a collection of the best parts of the band's old sound. It's got the heavy side, the pop side, the acoustic ballads like ‘Ghosts (How Can I Move On)’, it's got the best of what the band has always done. Well, whenever you're making an album, you always think: ‘This is the best album ever! Every song could be cut as a single!’ (laughs). I don't want to release it, or even finish it, unless I'm proud of it as an important representation of the band as it is now. In fact, we were very conscious of only including stuff that we felt was appropriate to be on the album. We didn't want to do anything too experimental… That's a bit of a misnomer. We were careful to avoid abstraction, to keep it to the point and concise, to know where to put the songs on the album, and to keep the production tight.

—There are only ten songs on the album. Do you have any regrets about not being able to keep it tighter on previous albums? Dominic: No, not really. When it's been a year or so since we put out an album, I do think ‘I should have done that’ or something like that, but I wouldn't really call it a regret. We've done some very experimental and abstract albums in the past, because that's what the album needed, especially the first three albums. The second album (2001's Origin of Symmetry) is longer and more experimental. I'm not saying that I want to get rid of that aspect of ourselves, I'm just saying that we've become more conscious of making tighter albums. And I've always wanted to make a 10-song album. We've had instrumental songs that made it 11 songs, so this time we decided to make an album of just 10 songs with songs on it (laughs).

—The content of the song this time is all very depressing, just a little bit… (laughs). Dominic: The lyrics (laughs)?

—Yeah. It's as realistic a fiction as you can get. Are these socio-political and environmental issues always something that comes up in the band? Or is this all about Matt's political views? Dominic: Mostly the latter (laughs). I think the surreal, political fictional world is where he's most comfortable writing. I guess it's easier to write about very personal things than to express them frankly. Of course there are parts of the album that touch on personal things, but I haven't done a lot of songs that are about personal things. Matt's style is to write about the emotions of what's going on in the world and apply them to an imaginary world. Naturally, we would talk about the topic and the direction we wanted the song to go in. But the music always comes first. Then the lyrics (by Matt) can take quite a while, but whatever idea it's based on, the three of us take it and put it into music, and eventually it's something we enjoy playing. The lyrics come after that, so it can be influenced by the vibe and feel of the song's source material.

—Oh, really? Dominic: So it's not the lyrics we talk about the most, it's the music (laughs).

—I see, the three of you live in different parts of the world. How did you make that music during the pandemic, especially during the lockdown? Dominic: It was tough. Especially in 2020, there were months when we couldn't do anything. But we still did things like exchange ideas virtually. Once we were able to get together, we started working in the studio in Los Angeles. Chris doesn't live over here, but we still had him come to LA, and when that wasn't possible, we continued working remotely. In the spring of 2021, we got together in London and we were able to work on it at Abbey Road [Studios]. It was a lot of work, but we found a way to work not only on music, but also on these things (Zoom interviews), and also on business, virtually, without having to move from place to place, didn't we? I think it's actually become more convenient for a lot of people.

—Did you produce this album yourselves because of the restrictions of the Corona Disaster? Or was it a reaction to the fact that your last album, ‘Simulation Theory’, involved a lot of producers? Dominic: It was probably both. It was a pandemic, so from the beginning Matt and I were in the studio alone, trying out different ideas, and we were comfortable with that. Then Aleks (von Korff), the engineer, joined us in the studio and the three of us were in what you might call a bubble (laughs). Of course we had to take coronavirus checks every now and then and be careful while working, but we got comfortable in that situation, and it felt different to invite other people in there. It would be a lot of work to bring someone else in. And we like production work too. We've always co-produced, even when we've had a producer, and we rather like the time-consuming, detailed work.

—Please tell me how did you decide to end the album on a hopeless note with ‘We Are Fucking Fucked’ (laughs)? Dominic: It's interesting to hear other people say the title of this song (laughs). It was the only song we had at the end of the album. If we'd put ‘Fucking Fucked’ anywhere else, it would have given the piece a weird vibe. It's a sarcastic, depressing type of song, after all (laughs). So I think it was right to put it at the end. At first I was thinking of putting ‘Verona’ at the end. That song has a fantastic, relaxed, outro-like feel to it. But I still think ‘Fucking Fucked’ is the right one.

—Which is your favourite song of the day? Dominic: It's hard to pick just one song, I feel bad for the others (laughs).

—Let's limit it to this morning's then (laughs). Dominic: Well, we've been playing ‘Kill or Be Killed’ live recently and it's a lot of fun to play live. Maybe there's a heaviness to it that we haven't ventured into before? It's pretty metal. And I really like ‘Won't Stand Down’. When we were working on the album, I was telling Matt that every song had to make the listener feel something, and we had to make the songs make us feel something, and he asked me what I meant, and I said that sometimes when we listen to our past albums… I actually listened to all our previous albums before we started making this album. Some of them were okay, some of them were a little bit terrible, but they still conveyed what we were feeling at the time. So I had a strong feeling that every song on this album had to make me feel something. ‘Kill or Be Killed‘, when you get into the chorus, it makes you feel it. I like everything else on the record apart from those two songs. And ‘Liberation’ is a lot of fun to play. We haven't done a piano song like that for a while. Is it reminiscent of ‘United States of Eurasia’ (2009's “The Resistance”)?

“What I really want to do is to go around to different sized venues here and there and stay in Japan for two or three weeks.”

—I also like ’You Make Me Feel Like It's Halloween’. And it touches on the serious issue of domestic violence. Dominic: Yes, it does. It's a very fun song, but the lyrics actually touch on emotional abuse in the home. It's the same with ‘Won't Stand Down’. We know people who have been through that, and it's a very real issue that sometimes people don't realise they're going through it. It's such a serious thing with a very pop sound.

—Will you be touring the world after a few shows in the UK in October? Dominic: Yeah, we'll play some smaller theatres in the UK in October and then maybe next year we'll tour overseas, including Japan. We really want to go to Japan. What I'd really like to do is spend two or three weeks in Japan, doing a few more shows here and there at different venues of different sizes. The last few times I've been here, I've been limited to a few cities due to time, schedule and production. Sometimes you have to sacrifice the creative side and the fun side of it.

—You have the authority to do what you really want to do, so by all means make it happen. Dominic: Well, yeah (laughs). Anyway, we'll find a time when it's possible and we'll try to fit it into the schedule.

—By the way, there is a sign of a dog from earlier. Dominic: This is Olive, a Boston terrier (he says, showing me the dog stretched out and relaxed in front of him). He's very clever. Where's Floyd? Maybe he's upstairs. They're both very clever.

—Who's going to look after them while you're away from home? Dominic: Actually, I tend to take them with me. Olive is just over a year old and I only got her last year, so she's not ready yet, but Floyd has been all over the place, he's been on a tour of America with me, he's been in Europe. He loves it. He's always happy to play with all kinds of people backstage. Olive likes people too. When the show is over, she jumps in the car and goes to the hotel with me, and every night when she gets into her new hotel room, she jumps up on the bed with great joy (laughs). So I take her with me when I can, otherwise I ask family or friends.

Recorded on 20th July, 2022 in London.

Translator’s Notes: If you’ve noticed it, then you might’ve wondered why the Japanese journalist and the article itself doesn’t use the words “Covid-19” and “pandemic” (other than Dom himself). As I’m not a Japanese native, I don’t fully know the answer either, but I did pay attention to Japanese news over the years to pick up on information. In Japan, the government and the people do know and use the word COVID-19, but unfortunately the name that COVID-19 took in Japan was this: 新型コロナウイルス感染症 / Shingata Coronavirus Kansenshou / new coronavirus infection.

As you can see, that is a whole mouthful that no one has the time to say all of that out loud -even including the word Covid-19 itself- so they shortened it to just using ‘コロナウイルス / Coronavirus’ and ‘コロナ / Corona’ instead.

So I got used to seeing that whenever an artist or celebrity in Japan was confirmed infected by Covid and had to cancel events, they just announce on their blogs and on X [formerly known as Twitter] that they got Corona. And some of these words became familiar to me as well.

コロナ禍 / Korona-ka = Corona Disaster / Covid-19 Pandemic コロナ緊急事態 / Korona kinkyuu jitai = Corona Emergency / Lockdown

BTW, I wasn't sure what Dom's other dog's name was. I know of Floyd, but I can't remember the second dog's name. Was it Olive or Oliver?

#Matt Bellamy #Dom Howard #Chris Wolstenholme #Muse #Will of the People era #Will of the People #INROCK #INROCK October 2022 #my scan #interview #translation #I actually already finished getting this interview translated days ago #I wanted a break from the STYLE Series after having to translate each and every Manson guitar that Matt owns up to 2010 #and his amplifiers and pedals #my brain hurts trying to understand the parts that make up an electric guitar so I decided to post WOTP Dom interview instead

22 notes · View notes

tomoyoo · 20 days

Text

Manga, books and authors mentioned in A Drunken Dream and Other Stories

I wrote the english names that were used in the book. Honestly the way I organized this gave me a headache but I hope it's useful <3 See more for the list of authors that were mentioned briefly.

Manga mentioned in the interview Mama’s Violin - Tetsuya Chiba Tomboy Angel - Mitsuteru Yokoyama Shinsengumi; Astro Boy - Osamu Tezuka Harp of the Stars; Hello, Teacher; The White Troika - Hideko Mizuno Mist, Roses and Stars - Shotaro Ishitani The Boy from Dartmoor - Nanae Sasaya In the Sunroom; The Song of the Wind and the Trees - Keiko Takemiya You Can Hear the Rain; Birth - Yumiko Oshima Norakuro - Suiho Tagawa The Rose of Versailles - Riyoko Ikeda

Mentioned in Rachel Thorn's essay Fuichin-san - Toshiko Ueda Tomorrow’s Joe - Tetsuya Chiba Eyes of Ice - Nanae Sasaya Aim for the Ace! - Sumika Yamamoto Toward the Terra; Fly Me to the Moon! - Keiko Takemiya Banana Bread Pudding; F-Shiki Ranmaru - Yumiko Oshima Two in a White Room; Arabesque; The Son of Heaven in the Land of the Rising Sun; Terpsichore - Ryoko Yamagishi Mari and Shingo; A Staff and Wings - Toshie Kihara

Books The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett Anne of Green Gables - Lucy Maud Montgomery Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm - Kate Douglas Wiggin Little Women - Louisa May Alcott Shank’s Mare - Ikku Jippensha The Currents of Space - Isaac Asimov The Generative Enterprise Revisited - Noam Chomsky Phantoms in the Brain - V.S. Ramachandran

There's notes at the end giving more context for these authors but I don't have it in me rn.

Interview: Miyako Maki Masako Watanabe Kazuo Umezu Sanpei Shirato Mineko Yamada Ryoko Yamagishi Jun Morita Yasuko Sakata Akiko Hatsu Shio Satoh Aiko Itoh Machiko Satonaka

Essay: Yoshiko Nishitani Minori Kimura Mineko Yamada Akira Mochizuki Sato Tomoe

Book authors: Kenji Miyazawa Jean Stratton-Porter Robert Heinlein Ryotaro Shiba Sawako Ariyoshi Herman Hesse Ray Bradbury Jean Cocteau Kenichiro Mogi

#moto hagio #rachel thorn #a drunken dream and other stories #year 24 group #retro shoujo #I apologize for any mistake

13 notes · View notes

lurkingteapot · 1 year

Text

I've been going through my collection of old (pre-2016 for the most part) academic papers on BL and thought, hey, why not re-read some of them and sum them up so folks can see whether they want to check them out in full?

Today's offering:

Beautiful, Borrowed, and Bent: “Boys’ Love” as Girls’ Love in Shōjo Manga by James Welker, originally presented at the Third International Convention of Asia Scholars, August 19–22, 2003, Singapore, and published in Signs, Vol. 31, No. 3, New Feminist Theories of Visual Culture (Spring 2006), pp. 841-870, UChicago Press. [Jstor]

Welker starts off with a brief explanation of what the BL genre is, what terminology he uses ("BL" as an umbrella term that includes the earlier names of tanbi, shōnen ai, yaoi, and the long-form 'boys' love'):

“Boys’ love” manga emerged as a subgenre of shōjo manga (girls’ comics) around 1970 just as women artists were taking over the shōjo market.(*) It quickly became among the most popular shōjo manga genres, and its creators became some of the best-loved artists in the industry. (* First published in the monthly Bessatsu shōjo komikku in December 1970, Keiko Takemiya’s “In the Sunroom” (Sanrūmu nite [1970] 1976) was probably the first boys’ love narrative. See Aoyama 1988, 188.) - Welker 2006:841

He goes on to challenge the common perception of BL as a genre "by straight women for straight women":

[T]he genre is widely considered to offer a liberatory sphere within which presumably heteronormative readers can experiment with romance and sexuality through identification with the beautiful boy characters. […] Members of the Japanese lesbian community have, however, pointed to boys’ love and other gender-bending manga as strong influences on them in their formative years […] Clearly boys’ love manga can be viewed through a different lens from that which most critics and scholars have been using, and hence the full potential of boys’ love is largely overlooked: that of liberating readers not just from patriarchy but from gender dualism and heteronormativity. - Welker 2006:842-843

He introduces the texts he will analyse (Takemiya Keiko's Song of Wind and Trees 風と木の詩 kaze to ki no uta, 1976-1984 and Hagio Motō's Heart of Thomas トーマの心臓 tōma no shinzō, 1974), and concludes the essay's intro section as follows:

This reading will employ lesbian critical theory, visual theory, and reader responses to these and similar texts to show how 1970s boys’ love manga is not merely queer on its surface but how it opened up space for some readers to experiment with marginalized gender and sexual practices and played a role in identity formation. - Welker 2006:843

Welker goes into the questions of applicability of theories that weren't originally developed for this specific context – visual theories were largely developed through film analysis; European and North American models of gender and feminist theory, while also having informed academic discourse in Japan, in their origin operate on culturally specific assumptions and need to be applied with care.

He talks about the tradition of androgynous and cross-dressing heroines of early shōjo manga and their connection to the earliest BL manga, the dilemma of the "beautiful boy" characters' gender and sex and how to read these – are they boys? idealised self-images of girls drawn onto boys' bodies? neither male nor female? sexless altogether?, and the way Japanese readers in the 1970s, already culturally familiar with gender performance through kabuki or the all-female Takarazuka Revue and similar troupes, received the gender-bending nature of BL stories. He also comments on the role fan interaction via magazines, and the way readers were learning about queer life in Japan:

By the early to mid-1980s, the magazines’ readers were learning in real terms about the world of Shinjuku ni-chōme, Tokyo’s well-known gay district, described as a world full of “beautiful boys like those in the world of shōjo manga” (Aran 1983, 15), as well as various aspects of lesbian life in Japan (Gekkō 1985). In spite of the connections drawn on the pages of these magazines, the possibility that these narratives might be seen to actually depict homosexuality remains broadly denied. To allow that the narratives might truly be about homosexuality—between these girls-cum-beautiful boys—would be an apparently unthinkable invitation to read the narratives as lesbian. - Welker 2006:857

Welker briefly explores how the example texts of Song of Wind and Trees and Heart of Thomas "serve many of the functions lesbian critics and theorists have outlined as roles of lesbian texts" (Welker 2006:858), then goes on to analyse the flower imagery of roses and lilies that is very prevalent in both titles, the intertextuality of these stories with European and French literature (and how the readers were expected to catch on to this intertextuality). On the transgressive and queering nature of writing and reading BL, he says:

[T]hrough acculturation to gender performance in Takarazuka and kabuki and by such cross-dressing manga icons as Sapphire and Oscar, as well as the deliberate ambiguity of the beautiful boy, the reader is encouraged to see not just a girl but herself within the world of boys’ love and, ultimately, is encouraged to explore homoerotic desire, either as a beautiful boy or as herself, either alone or with others, either as her fantasy or as her reality. […] Regardless of whether boys’ love manga were created merely to offer heterosexual readers a temporary respite from patriarchal restrictions on their desire, some readers found in identifying with the beautiful boy a way through the looking glass to a world outside the patriarchy. And regardless of whether he is read as a boy or a girl, the beautiful boy can be read as a lesbian. […] For readers whose experience of sexuality and gender contravenes heteronormativity, works like Song and Thomas offer narrative safe havens where they can experiment with identity, find affirmation, and develop the strength necessary to find others like themselves and a sense of belonging. - Welker 2006:865-866

I've been out of academia so long that I've lost any sense of what a good proportion of direct quotes to original text is, or whether it's even appropriate to quote as much as I did here. This is emphatically NOT an academic article in and of itself -- I'm posting on bloody tumblr. If anyone wants to add to this, I'll be thrilled.

One of the most commonly voiced criticisms of BL is that it's about, but not (or did not in significant part used to be) by or for gay men. This article does not address this point further—Welker does go into this in his more recent articles, iirc; if you've got beef with this aspect, @ him not me. I do however think it's worth noting that this 17-year-old article already recognises that the genre is queer, and has been since its inception.

#bl academia #bl theory #james welker #bl history #yeeting this into the void now #reading academic papers for fun not profit #my nonsense #watch me find errors or typos the minute I've hit post

109 notes · View notes