#surely wishing every day of my life until I was 17 that my parents would final

[sprinklersart]

they should show up to kazansky family events together occasionally over the years and do fun family things like share an air mattress in the living room with ices 19 year old cousin and take a 4 hour trip to the grocery store just for milk and chainsmoke behind the shed with ice’s sister. they deserve it ❤️

[apomaro-mellow]

Wrong Number 2

Someone said they liked when authors put their super-specific jobs in fics so I hope ya like Steve havin a (kinda romanticized) past job of mine.

For the first time in his life, Steve felt like the stereotypical young person who was always glued to his phone. Every time it made a noise or vibrated, his arm shot out like lightning, hoping with every fiber of his being that it was the mystery number.

It had been about five days since he'd sent that first message and he'd been worried about their conversations being stale. But that wasn't an issue. The only times their talks lulled was when they went to bed.

And even that was after texting late into the night. Steve would watch the clock go from 9 to 10 and promise to get to sleep at a reasonable hour. And then it would be midnight and what was a few minutes after that? Then he'd look up and it would be 2 in the morning.

Texting this guy had become the highlight of Steve's days. To the point where he didn't even realize Friday had come until one of his students mentioned it.

Then, purely out of habit, he asked: "Any weekend plans?"

"I've got a soccer game", Zach answered.

"My parents are having date night", Belinda said.

And normally Steve himself would be thinking about going out and finding someone for the night. But the idea hadn't come to him for once. He knew why, but he didn't fully process it until he got home to Robin, who was in the middle of cooking breakfast for dinner it seemed.

Steve was in the middle of replying to a text sent during lunch.

(12:15) I just realized you know about my off the wall job (12:17) But I have no idea what your 9 to 5 is (12:18) Your legally required to tell me if ur famous (12:18) Not bc im a clout chaser (12:19) But bc I might not have a clue who you are

[4:13] Not famous. Don't worry. I'm a teacher.

(4:15) As a former student I apologize

Robin opened the cabinet, looking for pancake mix. “Are you and that girl still texting?”

“Me and the who?”, Steve looked up from his phone.

“That girl? I assume you're finally setting up a date for this weekend?"

"She-" Steve racked his brain for a good excuse. But it was hard to do when the person who knew him the most was staring right at him.

"Whatever flaws of hers you're about to make up, I'm gonna call bullshit because your phone hasn't stopped pinging for days." She started mixing the pancake batter.

Steve looked down at the words on his screen. The one flaw of this guy was that they couldn't meet in person. But maybe it was time to close the distance just a bit.

"She's shy. Might just text a bit more before she's ready."

[4:19] No need for sorries. All my kids are great. But that's probably because I teach their favorite class.

(4:21) Oooh their favorite? (4:21) It's gotta be something like art rite? (4:22) Or are you being a smart ass cuz you teach like calculus or something?

[4:23] I teach cooking 😛

(4:23) Oh shit. (4:24) You're actually the favorite

[4:25] Toldja. Hey quick question and then possibly many more questions.

(4:26) Go ooooon

[4:27] How would you feel about spending the night playing 20 questions? Like are you free tonight?

Eddie bit his lip as he looked at Steve's words. He had picked his shifts this weekend to make sure he had plenty of time to talk to Steve. Which meant he was in fact free tonight. He replied as such and Steve said he wanted a little time to take a shower and then he'd be ready.

And because he was a little shit, Eddie took advantage of him being away from his phone.

(4:35) Since you're in the shower, I'm taking the first question. Boxers or briefs?

[4:54] Cheater. And I prefer boxer briefs. My turn?

(4:55) Go for it

Eddie was curled up on his couch, tv low and in the background as he waited for Steve's question.

[4:55] What's your name?

(4:56) THATS your first question? (4:56) Wait we've been texting for days haven't you saved my number? (4:57) What do you have me as?

Steve bit his lip, wishing he could lie to this guy, but he couldn’t. Instead he sent a screenshot of his phone.

(4:59) Misty? That’s the name of the chick?

[5:00] Yeah. But I guess I should put your actual name now, right?

It was a gamble. But this guy already knew Steve’s name. And by this point they’d been texting for nearly a week. He just wanted to know his name. He pushed back the part of himself that said he needed to know.

(5:00) It's Eddie.

Eddie. The guy he'd been talking to was named Eddie. Eddie with the long curly hair and the chunky rings who threw axes for a living. He was a far cry from the soft girls he usually dated. Or the preppy guys he usually dated.

(5:02) Favorite bug?

The question threw Steve for a moment but he decided to humor him.

[5:04] Bees 🐝I like how fuzzy they are. And I like honey. [5:05] What rings do you have?

A couple minutes later, Eddie replied with an image. It was taken from above and showed his hands lying flat on a coffee table. Steve zoomed to make out the details of each ring. He was also able to see a watch and a couple of wristbands on him.

[5:08] How did you take that picture? With your mouth? 🦭

(5:09) Did you did you just compare me to a seal???

[5:09] What other animal catches things in their mouths?

'I can be an animal with my mouth'. Thankfully, Eddie's fingers weren't as fast as his brain and he didn't send that to Steve. Eddie had in fact put his phone in his mouth the take the picture, having a real 'no thoughts, head empty moment' when Steve asked about his rings.

Steve was letting his own mind wander as he gazed at the picture. Eddie's hands were...his hands were...well they were-

(5:10) Favorite youtuber?

The adoration of Eddie's hands were interrupted by Eddie himself as their question and answers continued. The picture continued as well. Steve sent pics of his favorite pair of shoes, his hair products, and of his neck when Eddie said he didn't believe he had all these moles.

Eddie had sent pictures of one arm, covered in tats, his acoustic guitar, and a super worn copy of Peter Pan.

The hour was growing late and both of them were feeling more bold but at the same time hesitant because it felt like they were close to crossing a line.

Needing an outside opinion, Eddie consulted with The Council (the discord server with his band mates) about whether or not he should shoot his shot. Gareth told him to go for it, what harm could it do? Grant said to do it because it could potentially be the funniest catfishing story. Jeff agreed that he should, if only because their guitarist getting murdered would be a great back story.

With their unanimous approval, Eddie decided to start actively flirting with Steve.

(8:37) Soooooo ya like jazz?

[8:38] I do actually. I really love the piano.

Okay, that one was just practice. Be smooth. Be suave. None of that was in Eddie's wheelhouse but thankfully nothing he said turned Steve away. He always seemed just as eager to reply back.

(9:10) What's your oldest piece of clothing?

Eddie was thinking of his own oldest article a t-shirt that had started out overgrown on his tiny eight year old body but he'd grown into and kept over the years. It was super faded but filled with the memory of the first time he spent more than a couple of days with his uncle.

[9:12] I'd show you, but I'm wearing them right now.

Steve had closed his bedroom door before sending the text. There wasn't anything scandalous but it seemed like it could very quickly veer into that territory. All Eddie had to do was ask. If he wanted to see them, Steve would show it.

'I would like to see it.'

(9:12) I would like to see it

Eddie knew it could be anything. Maybe a holey sock. Or maybe he also had a super faded t-shirt with deep sewn-in memories as well. Maybe he was wearing a class ring?

[9:14] image.jpeg

Eddie was treated (and goddamn what a treat it was) to Steve Harrington's bottom half, barely covered in shorts with a school's logo on them. Thick thighs covered in hair. And a bulge that was there. It was very there. Eddie couldn't overstate how there it was.

He palmed his own crotch before remembering he was looking at a guy's junk and about to jerk off to it in his living room. And he had yet to answer. What was the most respectful way to say 'humina humina humina-wolf whistle-awooga'?

(9:16) Are you trying to kill me Steve?

[9:17] Do you like it?

'Awooga.'

(9:18) ❤️‍🔥 🔥 🥵

Eddie tried to think of any other way to tell Steve how hot he made him but it felt like typing words just wasn't enough.

(9:19) Can I do something insane? (9:20) And feel free to ignore me if it's too much

Steve was lying in his bed, phone of his charger now. Nothing Eddie could do would be too much. He could knock on his door and he would let him in.

[9:21] Go ahead

A second after he sent that, Steve's phone started to ring. It was Eddie. He stared for about five seconds before picking up.

"Hey."

"Hey."

If possible, Steve melted more into his bed. Eddie's voice...he didn't know what he expected but it wasn't that. He said one word and Steve wanted to wrap himself in it.

"That was pretty naughty of you, sending me that pic. I could show up to your school."

"You'd be a few years too late. These are my oldest shorts, remember?"

"Tiniest shorts maybe."

Steve laughed and Eddie was on cloud nine. He was so lost in bliss, he miscalculated and fell off the couch.

"What was that?"

"I uh, I fell. Off my couch."

"Did you fall hard?"

Eddie beamed as he got up and turned off the tv. Now that he had his voice, all he wanted to hear was the man on the other line.

"Oh super hard."

Steve let out a sound from the back of his throat and he wondered if Eddie had heard it. It was honestly amazing how the smallest things got him going. Or maybe he was just that into Eddie.

"You still there Steve?"

....."Yeah. I'm still here."

Part 4

Tag Team (closed)

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If you were tagged but it didn't show up in your notifications, lemme know and I'll do that thing where I tag you in a reblog instead. I know tumblr can't be trusted to function XD

[aestheticaltcow]

Family Ties

I love that the fandom sees Carmy as a girl dad who practices gentle parenting. Gentle parenting is a great parenting style, don't get me wrong. Personally, I can see him butting heads with his teenage daughter like he wants her to express herself- but he also knows that teenage boys are weird and would want to protect her at all costs. This was just a thought I had a couple of days ago, and once I started, I couldn't stop. More Dad!Carmy content to come...

A/N: I didn't realize until I copy pasted this from my Google Drive. This was 6 freakin pages. I like longer fics, I'm sorry.

Carmy was furious. It took a lot of effort for him to ‘gentle parent’ with you when the kids, Grace and Oliver, were little. Now that both kids are in high school, he wishes he had been harder on them. You reassure him that the two of you have great kids, both work hard in school, participate in extracurricular activities, and aren’t afraid to talk to them about anything - he insisted he should have been harder on them, especially when he gets calls from the school about Oliver getting suspended… again. 

Oliver was 15, and Carmy was convinced he was Mikey's reincarnation. Like you had, he did well in school, but he was Mikey in every other aspect of life. He just needed to get his head out of his ass before out-of-school suspension became stints in jail. 

As Carmy walked down the hall to the principal’s office, he saw Oliver sitting on a bench talking to Grace- Grace, his little girl, granted she wasn’t as little anymore. She’s 17 and looked exactly like you when you were her age- except she had gotten his eyes. “Oliver.” Carmy barked, getting his attention. 

Grace looked at her brother nervously. Carmy wasn’t the kind of Dad to ‘approve’ of her clothing, but he’d fight her on it occasionally, especially regarding crop tops and dresses. It came from a place of caring and not wanting his little girl to get hurt, but Carmy could take it too far.

 Carmy noticed Grace turning the opposite way to get away from the Berzatto boys,

“Grace? Shouldn’t you be in class or somethin’?” Carmy questioned; she stopped in her tracks, knowing Carmy wasn’t in the best mood. She turned around and hoped he was too mad, Oliver, to notice the cropped corset she’d worn to school that day. It’s not like she’d worn it to get a guy to notice her; she’d just liked the contrast of its light green color with her baggy jeans, and she was supposed to match outfits with the rest of the dance team that day so he couldn’t be mad at it- especially since he’d encouraged her to join the dance team freshman year. “Someone texted me that Oli was out here- just wanted to make sure no one beat my baby brother’s ass.” she laughed. Carmy shot her his classic ‘I’m your father, I know when you’re lying look’ but shook his head; he was not ready to deal with that. “Put on a sweater.” Grace nodded at Carmy’s casual dislike of her top, “Yes, sir.”

Initially, Carmy was going to let it slide. He knew Grace was 17, she was going to college next year, and he wouldn’t be able to encourage her to make the right decision anymore, but while she was under his roof, she’d live by his rules. You laughed when he brought it up to you that night in bed. “Carmy, she’s a good kid. Gracie has good grades. She has good friends. She works; if she wants to wear a crop top, she can wear a crop top.” Carmy sighed. He saw the point you’d been trying to make with that explanation but wasn’t happy.

Grace hoped Carmy wouldn’t bring up her wardrobe, but unfortunately, she was wrong. Carmy had hired an older brother of one of Grace’s friends at The Bear- that’s how he’d found out about Grace’s non-family Instagram account. She hadn’t posted anything too scandalous; there were some pictures from parties where she was holding a red Solo cup, a few from a dance competition after-party where she’d been wearing something Carmy wouldn’t have allowed her to leave the house in, and of course the soft launch of her relationship. He was seething; you hadn’t known about the account either- you’d heard Grace talk to her cousins about a boy she liked, but the drinking and parties also surprised you. 

“Carmy, you neeeeed to be careful with how you speak to Grace about this,” you emphasized through the phone. Of course, this would come up when you were out of town. “Baby, I’ll handle it.” “Carmen Anthony Berzatto. Do not, I repeat, do not shame our daughter. You can tell her you’re unhappy-” “I’ll handle it.” he hung up, and you knew you’d be walking into a shit storm when you returned home.

“Fuck off, Dad!” Grace screamed as she slammed her bedroom door. To say Carmy mishandled the situation would be an understatement; he stood outside Grace’s door, immediately regretting what he’d said about Grace. He questioned her character; he knew she was a good kid; he wanted to knock on her door and apologize, but Grace didn’t want to hear it.

Oliver sat in his bedroom and heard Carmy and Grace yell at each other throughout the weekend. He laughed when he realized Carmy double-downed on what he’d initially said about Grace ‘not being that kind of girl.’ and how people would ‘never take her seriously’ when he dropped the word ‘whore’ he knew there would be hell when you came home. The front door slammed, and he heard Carmy yell ‘fuck’ and slam a door. He looked out his bedroom window to see Grace running up the street. Oliver sighed and fished his phone out of his pocket; “Oli fuck off.” Grace huffed before immediately hanging up on him. He rolled his eyes and dialed your number. “Hi baby, everything okay?” “Nope.”

The house was antagonistic. Carmy was pissed at himself, you and Grace were also pissed at him, and Oliver managed to sink into the background. The family dinners you’d shared were typically full of conversation and life, but tonight was awkwardly silent. Oliver decided he’d take a crack at making it better, “Uncle Richie got to 100 Instagram followers. He’s pretty excited about it.” no one took the bait. He poked at the chicken on his plate, “Good dinner, am I right?” he grinned, looking around the table. Grace rolled her eyes and stood up from the table, “Grace?” you called after her. She ignored your question and went upstairs. “Well, I think it’s a good dinner- conversation wasn’t the best, but… we’ll get through it.” Oliver tried to lighten the tension in the room, but he inevitably failed, and Carmy told him to go to his room. Oliver obliged, taking his and Grace’s plates to the sink before shuffling upstairs. He walked past Grace’s room on the way. He paused and stood before the door; it was too quiet. He knocked softly before opening the door; she was gone.

“I just don’t know what to say to him. I’m pissed.” Grace vented as she lay beside Eva in the park by her apartment, “My dad was the same way, except he threw my clothes away. My mom ripped him a new one over it.” “Should I accept his apology and move out as soon as possible?” Eva shook her head and laughed at the suggestion. “Gracie, you know what you need to do.” Grace sighed, knowing her cousin was right. She sat up and pushed her hair back. “I’m gonna hide out at Danny’s house. Cover for me?” “Of course. Don’t get pregnant.” 

“Gracie girl? Can I come in, honey?” you asked outside her door, but there was no response. “Baby, please?” you asked again. “She’s not home,” Oliver said, walking past you to the bathroom. “What do you mean she’s not home?” he shrugged. “I guess she snuck out after dinner.”. You pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration before walking into your and Carmy’s bedroom, “You have to fix this, Carmen.” you scolded in your best mom voice he’d heard a thousand times, granted it was typically directed at one of the kids. “Baby, how can-” “Carmen. If you ever want to be inside me again, you’ll fix this.” Carmy leaned back against the headboard; he didn’t think something like this could be fixed. 

“Oh, hi, Grace.” Danny’s mom greeted her when she realized she was sitting on the couch with Danny. “Hi, Mrs. De Luca.” she smiled back, “How are you, sweetheart?” Grace shrugged at the question, “Been better.” “Oh, I’m sorry, Grace,” she frowned before turning her attention to her son “Danny. I need you to take Annie to school tomorrow morning, okay? I’m doin’ an overnight.” Danny nodded in acknowledgment. She smiled again and quickly ran out of the house, leaving Danny and Grace in the living room and Danny’s sister Annie upstairs, tucked into bed. 

“So. What’s goin on with you?” Danny finally asked. He wasn’t mad that she’d come over unannounced, but it was obvious that Grace had been crying. Grace shrugged at the question, “Guess I just wanted to see you.” Danny scoffed. “Grace. Com’ on. You only come over on weeknights when you’re upset.” “Do not.” Grace challenged, leaning into his side. “I will tickle it out of you, baby. You should just tell me what’s up.” he insisted, sitting up slightly. Grace groaned and sat up, bringing her knees to her chest. She told him that she and Carmy were fighting about her ‘secret online life that everyone can see’ and how ‘she’s not that kind of girl,’ so why was she pretending to be? She was hesitant to include the part where Carmy had called her a whore, but as she looked at Danny’s sympathetic face, she couldn’t hold back. “The house is awkward- Oli tried to make a joke out of it, but it was just so fuckin’ annoying. I’m just disappointed in myself… he’s never mad at me, Danny.” Danny nodded. “I get that. What me to beat him up for callin’ you a whore? You know I will.” Grace rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Carmy sat outside on the porch smoking when he saw headlights coming in his direction; it was almost 2 in the morning. He sighed and took a final puff before ashing his cigarette. He assumed it was Grace, and he was correct. He heard her say her goodbyes to whoever dropped her off and waited for her to come up the driveway. “Hi, Grace.” he greeted, his lips pulling into a tight line due to their growing awkwardness. “Dad,” she responded, crossing her arms over her stomach. “Where were you?” “With Eva.” Carmy nodded. “Can I talk to you?” Grace shrugged and moved closer to Carmy. “I want to apologize, Gracie. I shouldn’t have said that about you. You have a good head on those shoulders- but I don’t want you to get hurt. Girls who posted stuff like that online when I was 17… you know what happened. Rumors and shit- I just don’t want people doin' that to you.” he explained, scratching at the back of his neck. Grace nodded, taking in what he’d said. “I understand, but I’m not a little girl anymore, Dad. I can handle myself; if I can’t, Danny has my back.” Carmy nodded, “We good?” he asked, looking down at Grace. He smiled when he saw her pulling her sleeves over her hands like when she was a little girl and felt uneasy. “We’re good.” Grace agreed. Carmy brought her into a lazy hug and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, always.” Grace smiled and hugged Carmy back, “I love you too, Dad.”

As the two went inside, Carmy remembered something she’d said, “Who’s Danny?” Grace stopped and looked up at Carmy cautiously. “Uh… he’s my- my boyfriend…”

[mellpoint]

Living Moments: 1-Lifelines

You ever sit and think, ‘Who is this entire world am I thankful for for keeping me here? For pushing me a little harder and a little further?”

I have. And as cliche as it may seem, I owe it all to my kids and my fiancé.

I know you’re probably thinking that I am crazy or sappy or whatever t is you may think, but truthfully, I couldn’t and wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them.

You see, before I met him or had my kids, I had already attempted to unalive myself 3 times, and I was only 17.

I met him when I was 18, and since then, throughout all the good and bad we have experienced, I wouldn’t ask or want anyone else next to me. He has helped me get out of my shell, he has taught me how to love myself. He has given me new experiences in life that I don’t think I would have had with anyone else or by myself. We have grown side by side slowly into the people we want to be and the person we want next to one another. We have learned new things from what the other one has interest in and we have found things to share as well.

I wont sit here and say that all this time it has been nothing but sunshine and rainbows, because it hasn’t. But even when all we did was argue for endless days, we still found ways to be there for one another. No matter how mad or disappointed we were with the other at the time, if one of us called the other needing help or whatever the situation may be, we were there in a heartbeat.

Now I still see him grow as an individual everyday but also as a father. And let me tell you, it is the most rewarding feeling in the world to see him grow and become the person he is today.

As for my two sweet blessings, I know I know. Everyone that has a kid say that they are their life line. But I truly mean it. If it wasn’t for my girl, my first born, I probably would’ve attempted my life once again. But she gave me a new way to see life. A new meaning to everything and an endless inspiration for life.

Being pregnant with her was amazing but it never truly hit that I was now a mother, not until I held her in my arms for the first time. It was as if my heart took its first beat and I had seen the most beautiful thing ever created in all of existence.

Ever since I have been learning and growing with her, because let’s be honest, no mater how many parenting books are out there, there is nothing and no one to prepare you for parenthood.

Then came my boy. My sweet chunky man. I couldn’t imagine not holding his weight every day. I couldn’t imagine waking up and not seeing his sweet adorable goofy smile. When I had him it was blessing. Had wished for a boy pretty much my whole life and now having him was like when a kid asks santa for something special and they finally get it. Having both a girl and a boy has been amazing simply because I have the best of both worlds. I have a mini me and I’m also a boys mom.

I feel bad at time because my girl as the oldest gets the learning version of me. Which in return means allot of mistakes. But don’t misinterpret that. I love them both equally yet differently. And I’m sure any other parent out there with both girl and boy would understand. It’s not that we love one more than the other. Or that we give one special treatments. It’s simply a different way to loving a girl vs a boy. Yet they both receive the same amount of love.

Now, I couldn’t imagine my life without any of them. These three individuals mean more to me than words would ever let me express. And ever time I am having the slightest bit of a bad time or a bad day, I just think, “If I can’t live without them, then they can’t live without me” and my entire day gets better. Having them in my life keeps me afloat.

They are honestly and wholeheartedly my life line.

-M

[smrsxx]

Can i have an angst imagine with number 72 marco bezzecchi? <3 luv your writting.

Stay Safe For Me | Marco Bezzecchi x Female Reader

7 2 . ' ' Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do . ' '

Summary : He thought he knew everything about her , until she disappeared without telling him .

Trigger Warnings : mentions of past verbal , emotional and physical abuse , alcoholism and drug use , self - harm , a lot of tears and angsty feelings , but do not worry because there is going to be fluff in the end .

! ! ! Please read this Imagine if you are only 18 + and with your own permission , because it contains some things that a lot of people find disturbing . If you struggle with anything of the above , please feel free to send me a message , because I know how it is . I am here for you all and I want you to know that I support you . ! ! !

English is not my first language , so if you spot a mistake , please just bare with me .

P . S . I am so thankful for this request , because it gave me the opportunity to express the feelings that I have been holding back for so many years now . Also , it gave me the chance to write something about Marco , because I personally believe that there are not enough Imagines about him out there or any at all .

I poured my entire heart on this - 13.278 words : (

I hope you enjoy < 3

______________________________________________________________

Thursday , 12 November 2015

Today is Marko's 17 birthday . He decided against the idea of a " Sweet 17 Birthday Party " although his mother always reminded him from a very young age and since he was a little boy the same thing .

" You turn 17 only once in your entire lifetime . "

In which he always responded to her with the same answer every year.

" It's okay mom . Besides that , I don't want a birthday party . I just want to spend the day with the people I love . "

The people he loves . . . His parents and his close friends . . . Her . . .

Y/N was something else .

She was his best friend since they were both toddlers . They grew up together . They did everything together . They went to the same elementary , middle school and now high school . They were always together . Marko and Y/N , Y/N and Marko . Even if they fought a lot of times , in the end of the day they would always apologize to each other and go for a nice walk while eating ice cream . He would always have her back in everything and she would always support him in every stupid decision that he took even if it was dangerous for the both of them . They were in this life together . Every Friday after school they would always go in his house for dinner and then , they would watch all the Jackass movies all over again . Sometimes when she feel asleep over at his house , they would wake up early in the morning to watch SpongeBob SquarePants and the spend their Saturday going in rides with his bike , eating , playing , talking and laughing non stop . They knew everything about each other . They were inseparable and they completed each other .

He jumped out of his thoughts when he heard the familiar notification tone coming from his phone .

He was sure it was her . It had to be her . Besides , who else could it be on a Thursday morning ?

" Happy Birthday to the best friend ever . I want you to know that I'm so proud of you and I love you so freaking much that I would die for you . I wish you the most Happy Birthday and now I want you to come down because I have a present for you . " Y/N had just sended to him .

He open his bedroom door and streamed downstairs to his front door, just to open it and see her standing outside - with her glasses that he made fan of because he loved them so much on her - with a big gift bag on her hands .

' ' I see that you've got my text . Happy - ' ' She didn't get to finish her sentence , when his arms wrapped around her in a tight and warm hug .

' ' Thank you so much Y/N , you didn't have too . ' ' He said to her while hugging her .

' ' Marco what are you even doing outside in the cold with just your pyjamas . If you catch a cold I swear to God I - Oh Hello Y/N come inside honey . ' ' Marco's mother said from the doorway .

Both of them went inside for Marko to get ready and then to open his gift .

' ' What did you got me ? I'm kinda of anxious . ' ' He said to her .

' ' Open and find out . ' ' She answered to him while smiling .

He started to unwrap his gift and when he finally understood what she got him he stopped and pulled her in the most tight hug ever .

' ' I can't believe that you got me a Valentino Rossi helmet . Thank you so much . ' ' He said to her with the biggest smile on his face .

' ' You are welcome . I love you . ' ' She said to him and with that his heart started beating faster and his head felt heavy .

' ' I can't wait for your birthday in December . ' ' He said to her and with that they made their way to school .

And indeed he waited until the 23st of December Y/N's 15th birthday. He knew he couldn't go to her house . Her father was kinda weird because Marco was 2 years older than her . Although Y/N's and Marco's mom decided to throw a small birthday party in the near cafeteria that the teenagers loved to hang out with their close friends.

But little did they know that after that everything gonna go downfall .

_____

Saturday , 23 December 2017 ( 2 years later )

After finishing high school , Marco focused on his career as a Moto 3 Junior World Championship . At first he didn'y really noticed that him and Y/N throughout these 2 years had slowly separated from each other . He thought that because of his tight schedule and her being in her senior of high school, they just couldn't see each other very often.

Even if Marco wished her a ' ' Sweet 17 Happy Birthday ' ' the situation remained the same until Easter Break .

' ' So how's racing ? ' ' Y/N asked him while they were walking .

' ' It's going so good . It's great actually . I think I might have chances to move to Moto 2 . ' ' He said to her with a smile .

' ' You did it . Your dream came true . I am so proud and happy for you. I wish I could change things to see you more but with the school and the studying for the final exams it's really hard . ' ' She said to him with sad eyes .

He instantly felt bad and he hugged her hoping that it would make her feel better .

~Don't change for me

I like you just the way that you are now

Don't pray for me

I did this on my own and I got this far now~

_____

June 2018 ( 5 month's later )

They didn't spoke to each other for over 4 months . Everyone thought that they had a huge fight and that they stopped being friends , some other wanted desperately to ask and some other who knew better acted like they didn't care . They kept their mouths shut .

Marco was able to go up to Moto 2 and join the Red Bull KTM Tech 3 team while Y/N had managed to get accepted to her dream university in Rome .

~And I'll get higher with it

My thoughts are lighter with it

Just to let you know I did it

Just to let you know I live it~

_____

September 2018 ( 4 months later )

Marco was able to go back to Rimini to see his family and his friends . Mostly he wanted to go back home becuase he owns an apology to Y/N . After his last race he made it to the 3rd place in the championship standings and he wanted to inform Y/N that he will be back for one week to celebrate .

But when he opened up his phone and checked his messages , he saw that Y/N and him had last exchanged messages almost 3 months ago .

What made him thought to think of the worst possible things was the last message to him 2 months ago .

"Hey I know that you are busy with all this racing stuff but I just wanted you to know that I'll move to Rome in late September . Remember that everything you can imagine is real . I love you Marko."

~Stay safe for me

I see the inner you and it hurts to let go

Don't wait for me ( don't wait for me )

I'm getting on a plane and I won't be back soon~

_____

He responded late to her last message demanding an explanation.

"Please just answer me when you're gonna come back home. I'm scared for you right now. " He texted her and with that he immediately left to go to the airport.

_____

"Mom just please answer to my questions. " He shouted. The whole house turns cold. His mother is holding back her tears while looking down .

"I swear if you don't answer me if she's okay I'm gonna go over to her house. "

When his mother didn't responded to him for onse more he scoffed and went to leave the kitchen.

Before he could make it to the front door his mother had stopped him right on his tracks with only one sentence.

"Her mother sent her away after she found out that she was self-harming. She was abused by her father. An alcoholic. "

And for a couple of seconds all he could hear was a white noise...

All he could see was a dark rook with her crying quietly in it...

It's all making sense .

_____

He was laying in his bed with his eyes closed but he wasn't sleeping.

He was wide awake.

All kinds off thoughts turned around in his head making him feel dizzy.

He went back to all their memories together.

That's why he never went in her house.

That's why she never went on calls with him when she was at her house.

That's why she never sented him voice messages or videos.

That's why she was against alcohol and drugs.

That why she wanted to leave her home.

He wanted to scream until his throat hurt.

Why didn't he recognized the signs?

Why didn't he connect the dots?

Why didn't she asked for help?

What didn't he confessed his love for her?

He always promised her that he would be by her side forever.

Why?

When he asked his mother if he should go now or in a couple of days to find her , his mom said that he shouldn't go at all.

"Don't go. She wouldn't want you to lose an important race. Let's leave her alone for some time. She needs to fell free and safe. "

With that Marco murmured something under his breath and went to bed to sleep.

He was proud of her for leaving but he knew that she was alone and needed someone.

Marco cried that night.

~And I'll get higher with it

My thoughts are lighter with it

Just to let you know I did it

Just to let you know I live it~

_____

January 2019 ( present )

Marko was standing outside of her door in her complex apartment in Rome.

Besides him there was sitting quietly a grey female Pittbull waiting for him to do something.

The dog let out a small bark letting her owner know that she was bored and that he needed to make a move.

Marco looked at his dog and he petted her in the head before he took out the spare key that Y/N's mother gave to him.

Things have gotten pretty bad these last 4 months. Y/N was struggling emotionally and Marco was missing her more than anything.

He didn't have any more patience and he decided to take the matter in his own hands by communicating with her mother.

Right now he was standing in the middle of her small but cozy apartment and he could tell by the scattered books everywhere in the place that she lived in here.

He knew that she wouldn't mind him being here.

He took of his shoes and he searched for her.

She wasn't in the kitchen. She was certainly not in leaving room. She must be in her bedroom sleeping. He thought to himself walking to the only room in the house except of the bathroom.

And there she was.

Asleep.

He felt like he was invading her privacy so he went back to her leaving room to sit on the couch.

Pass the time by reading some of her books.

_____

She woke up feeling something really close to her face.

Something weird sniffing her.

She reached her right hand to grab her glasses by the nightstand.

A grey happy Pittbull was on top of her bed looking at her and waging her tail.

She immediately knew that Marco was here.

_____

Tears started forming their way in her eyes while she petted the sweet dog on the head.

She got up walking quietly towards her leaving room , when she came across him sitting on her couch reading on of her books.

He was faster than her. Always. He looked up from the book and locked gazes with her.

The tears finally escaped her eyes and before she knew it , he trapped her in his hug.

That tight and warm hug of his that she couldn't get enough of .

' ' Jump . ' ' Marco said quietly to her and when she did it he went back to the couch with her.

She was crying softly on his solder while he was holding her like he would never see her again.

Like this was their last time.

He took some deep breaths trying to remember her scent that he had forgotten.

"Can I convince you to stay?" She asked him still hugging him.

"Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. "

"I'm not leaving you ever again. " He said to her.

Marco grabbed Y/N's face with his palms and he looked at her closely.

God how much he loved her. He loved everything about her. Her glasses. Her eyes , her nose ... her lips ... her lips ...

And then he kissed her softly. Finally feeling alive again.

She kissed him back and after so many years of hidden pain and suffering , she felt like she could breathe again.

~And I'll get higher with it

My thoughts are lighter with it

Just to let you know I did it

Just to let you know I live it~

_____

Tags : @unimportantbabymilksharkte

[marshmallowprotection]

Kait!! Look, Saeyoung will be in heaven!! They are around like.. 15-17 cats in general lmfao

Wanna know the most fun part? YOU CAN PET NEARLY EVERY SINGLE ONE. In fact, most of them even follow you around for head pats and cuddles! The 5 kittens here will think you're their parent and the others usually want some head scratches!

There are these 3 gray and white cats who only follow you for head scratches (the third one took a bit to trust me and today I head him purring for the first time, he has such a quiet purr though-)

They are these two very identical white with some black cats who start licking you even if all you did is stroke their head like.. one time. They keep rubbing your leg and meow at you. (Although they'll mostly lick whatever skin they find on you AHAHAHA)

Saeyoung will be so happy LMFAO. Wait until I tell him that we have like 50 or so chickens and a BIG ASS field! We got like.. infinite eggs!! There's even a garden here where we raise vegetables as well~

We used to have two dogs and goats but they aren't here anymore. Honestly, I would have LOVED to see Saeyoung do the same thing my uncle did with a goat LMFAO

My uncle basically sat on a goat's back and did a gesture like he was riding a motorcycle by touching it's horns ANDHWHDH

And you actually need a car or to use a bus to get around here where I am. So I think that Saeyoung would be very happy driving around here! Although he'll need somewhere to park his car and sadly, I don't think he can bring his whole collection T_T

We even have a beach near us so I think he'll also be very happy to go and relax there! I remember someone fishing one day while I passed by my grandma to dive in. So I think Saeyoung would be really happy about it!

Ah, I wish I could also ride the bike with Saeyoung! Would be fun doing races! The current ones we have are uncomfortable to ride sadly.

The bittersweet thing is that while no one is riding their bikes here like back then, the house in front of us has two kids and even some relatives who come with their own kids and today they played outside! Reminded me so much of the old good days.

It's funny how it used to be one or two kids from nearly each house but now it's only one house, although they don't play that often outside. I had a smile watching them, though.^^

I was originally gonna ramble a bit about Yatora but I think I'll leave it for another ask, Kait! I have a lot to ramble about him as well SKDHWJD

It's been a while since I rambled about doing things with Saeyoung, hehe. I love both Saeyoung and Yatora so much, I'm so happy they are in my life! I wanna shower them both with so much affection and make them a flustered mess~!

I hope you have been doing well, Kait! It's really warm these days so stay hydrated and take care! <3

See, that is also a literal heaven for me. I would love to just flop over on the ground and have a dozen cats decide to be my best friend. Honestly, who doesn't want to do that? Who doesn't want to be swarmed by a dozen cats? I'm sure maybe somebody who is allergic might feel that way, but that ain't me and I am here to pet some kitties. But, I think it's worth saying that Saeyoung would eat this up, too.

He clearly is the kind of person who wants to enjoy the outdoors. He loves animals more than anything so if you put him in a chicken coop and tell him to go crazy, I'm pretty sure the situation will turn into something where he is either getting chased down by the entire flock or he's helping them get exercise. Either way, you're going to laugh at him when he inevitably trips in the mud. Farm life is not for him but he's going to fight for it.

Can you imagine that? I don't know if Yatora would do that to you but... It's still funny.

[sarcastic-salem]

I’ve been struggling a lot with my PTSD ever since I confessed to Library Guy. And, no, I’m not blaming him for that. Its just that I haven’t been in a long term relationship since 2016/17. I haven’t hooked up with someone since 2021. That’s partly due to my mental health and partly due to trauma.

As a borderline with attachment issues, I’ve had to train myself to take a step back and say,

“This person does not hate you because they don’t respond to your text message five minutes later. They have jobs and they have a life.”

OR

“This person is not in love with you just because they decided to hook up with you. You are not gonna get married after a one night thing.”

I’ve gotten a lot better. Mostly because after talking to peeps for a few days I start to realize they’re not someone I would really wanna be with. Usually its because we just don’t have the same values.

I’ve been having a lot of flashbacks to my relationship with my ex-husband. Its beginning to dawn on me all over again that he never really wanted me to begin with. I say “again” because I think that sometimes I idolize the life that he promised to give me — the life he never gave me. Sometimes I find myself wishing that he was here just to handle the budgeting (he was good at math).

Then I remember the time he screamed at me in a Target after he spent $50 on Pokemon cards and demanded to know why I hadn’t stopped him.

Sometimes I wish I had been able to stay and watch his little sister grow up. She was four the last time I saw her, and I was usually tasked with babysitting her when we went to see his parents. I wanted to teach her about comic books, so she wouldn’t grow up thinking that they were only for boys.

Then I remember the Xmas my ex’s parents got into a fight — I don’t remember what it was about — and his mother spanked his sister for playing with a noisemaker toy that she had bought for her. And all I wanted at that moment was to be anywhere else in the world. I wasn’t allowed to speak up, but I cried during dinner.

I think more than anything I wish he was just here so I’d have someone to talk to. Even when I knew he didn’t love me it felt like we were friends at least — close friends. Things didn’t really begin to go downhill until he started defending his dad’s racism and Islamophobia, and until he asked if we could move in with his parents. While they were living in a two-bedroom McMansion and their youngest son slept in a coat closet.

Things didn’t really go downhill until I made it clear that these were not things I was willing to tolerate.

But he was still someone to talk to.

Library Guy is the first person I let myself really like in years. He was the first person that…..I don’t know why but he made feel safe. He was nice to me. One of the nicest things he did for me was saving a book for like a week I had on hold after I forgot about it.

After the library started letting people in browse again, I forgot that they closed at 4pm and he let me in even though it was after hours. That was the first day I realized he knew my name. He had remembered my name out of all the patrons in the library.

He would smile and wave to me every time I came in.

I caught him checking me once — just the once ngl — and he blushed so hard it was adorable.

The first time I rented horror movies he was beaming. He was probably just having a good day but I like to pretend that its because he also likes horror movies. Which he does — he asked for my opinion on Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet Of Curiosities and he went to Universal’s Halloween thing back in October.

We’re friends on FB — I’m not stalking the man.

Oh, and the nicest thing he ever did for me: He remembered my name after I corrected it with the library. I didn’t even have to tell him. He just already knew when I went to check out one day.

I think what upsets me the most is that I was dumb enough to misinterpret these signals. Apparently, its common for some autistic people to confuse friendliness for something more. And now I’m not sure if we’ll be friends again.

He was the first almost-friend I’ve had in years.

My ex-best friend and I had a falling out after she had a mental breakdown. After she called me one night and told me she wanted to help me “unalive” myself. Cause she knew I was prone to suicidal ideations. I just didn’t feel safe with her after that.

And the other friend I had — ha! He came over and used my wifi, and was on his phone the entire hour we sat together. He had also hit on me multiple times after I had already rejected his advances. The thing with the wifi was the last straw.

I asked him not to come back after that.

Loki reminds me constantly that I deserve to forgive myself. But I can’t stop wondering how I ever could have been so stupid.

[wescoastmysteries]

The Last Happy Birthday

Wesley Woods

 

When I turned 17, my parents allowed me to get two ear piercings and bought me a really nice bike. I wanted them to put “Happy Birthday Chris” on my cake, Chris being the masculine shortening of my middle name and the name I went by at school. My parents didn’t know I was trans, at least not fully, so I couldn’t be too bitter when they put my first name on the cake anyway. I’m sure we had a nice dinner, though I can’t remember much. It was nice. Not the kind of birthday you commit to memory or think you’ll remember with longing for years, but nice.

 

The greatest gift of my 18th birthday was something very different: I no longer had to fear that I’d be sent to a conversion therapy camp. The months since I’d been outed to my parents had been the worst of my life up to that point, and I’d lived in terror that they’d let me be taken away in the middle of the night. One peek at my mother’s email had confirmed what I feared: they were looking at places. They were asking about financial options. I started sleeping at friends’ houses, at my brother’s apartment, or in the back seat of my car parked down the street from home.

 

I woke from the first safe night’s sleep in months, a legal adult, and had an early-morning haircut. Over the past 18 months, the ladies at Supercuts had kindly ‘ruined’ my pixie cut a little shorter each visit until my mother started sitting in on my appointments to intervene. (Unsung heroes, each and every one of them.) Finally, though, I was free to sit down in a barber’s chair with a photo of a man’s haircut and say “this.” He couldn’t have taken off more than a few inches, but I felt lighter that day than ever before.

 

Home with family that afternoon, we sat down and my parents set out a box from the local bakery: inside, individual slices of cake and a few cupcakes, each one a unique flavor. It wasn’t a complete surprise, but it was crushing. The week before, my mother had asked if I wanted a cake from that bakery and I’d told her their deserts were too rich for my taste. I’d asked for a plain old sheet cake from the grocery store with “Happy Birthday Wesley” on top. I figured, at least, I’d get the sheet cake. I can’t tell you anything else about my 18th birthday. What’s above is all I remember.

 

I wish I could say things got better from there, but it probably won’t surprise you to find out things only got worse. For my 19th birthday, parental relationship so strained that we mostly communicated by post-it notes on the fridge, I don’t remember what they got me. I don’t know what I would have asked for. By this point I’d figured it out: if you want something done right, you have to do it your damn self. That was the first year I did it my damn self. I sat in my car with a grocery store sheet cake, decorated with Captain America and “Happy Birthday Wesley!”

 

Our relationship fractured even further over the next few years, and I turned from seeking love and celebration with my family to seeking it elsewhere. I was fixated, in a way I couldn’t explain, on the cake. On those words. My 20th birthday was close—there was a cake with my long-term partner, though we fought that night like we did most every night and I went to bed as miserable as ever. I wanted something that I couldn’t name. I knew I’d had it before, every June 14th until recently, but now it eluded me. All I knew to ask for was the cake with my name on it.

 

On my 21st birthday I showed up to jury duty summons only mildly hungover and spent the next month in a special grand jury, deciding to indict on crimes against minors. I hadn’t bothered with cake that year. My 22nd was even worse: my partner (same partner) and I had been displaced from our apartment due to a transphobic threat, and now lived in her dad and stepmom’s spare room just south of Portland, Oregon. We were broke, struggling, and she’d stopped being subtle about cheating. That night she took me to a club and a man she’d been flirting with all evening brought three drinks to the table. He put his hand on my back. Happy pride month, everybody, the “It Gets Better” campaign was a lie.

 

So much of my identity was wrapped up in unhappiness, in this sense of unfulfillment that was tied up in a stupid cake with my stupid name on it. I’d already bought the cake, years ago, but it hadn’t filled that hole like I thought it would. I’m sure that between 19 and 22, someone else had bought or made the cake to my specifications, but every birthday memory was mired in growing bitterness and a sense of loss I couldn’t explain. By that point, I’d tell anyone who asked: I hated my birthday. I hated it, and I didn’t understand why every year I came back to it, hopeful, ready to try again.

 

My 23rd birthday should have been it. It had all the components: I was living with my parents (having broken up with my partner and therefore lost housing), we had repaired our relationship to a significant degree. They called me by my name, and though it was uncommon to be described as their ‘son,’ I was at least claimed as their ‘child’ by then. They made a cake: chocolate, decorated with the colors of the trans pride flag, that said “Happy Birthday Wes!” right on top. There were cupcakes in the same pride colors. There were sticky notes around the mirror in my bathroom, one letter each, spelling wishing me a happy birthday.

 

For a second, standing in front of that cake, I’d almost felt it. I’d hoped I felt it. Like breathing on the kindling of a fire determined not to light—it flared in me for just a second, but then it was gone again. It felt like nothing. I smiled and I thanked them, and I spent the evening with my new friends in my new city, but it didn’t feel like I’d expected it to. I’d spent a good five years building this idea of the happy birthday. Here it was, with all the pieces. The family, the friends, the cake just like I wanted it. It had my name on it and everything!

 

I told myself the next morning that now I was giving up. Now I could hate my birthday, fully, and give up whatever stupid hope I carried in the early weeks of June every year. There was no birthday magic. At some point, like getting barred from Narnia or ageing out of Neverland, it was simply gone. Not for everyone, but no longer accessible to you for some reason. I told myself that it was okay, really, I didn’t need it.

 

And then 24 rolled around, though I honestly can’t tell you what I did for my 24th birthday—or my 25th. There was cake, probably, and celebration, but not much. There was that little bit of hope, smaller than previous years but impossible to snuff out completely. But somewhere in there, among the years of therapy and healing and growth, I finally understood why every year brought the same ringing disappointment as the last, regardless of what we had for dessert. And I felt silly for taking so long to realize it:

 

It wasn’t about cake. A cake with “Happy Birthday Wesley!” was a million times more than something you can order from Costco or whip up at home with Betty Crocker. Cakes are nearly synonymous with celebration, whether that be celebration of an event or of a person. And I hadn’t been desperate for the perfect combination of flour and eggs and sugar, I’d been desperate for what they meant. What I really wanted was to feel loved, celebrated, and accepted for who I was.

 

Honestly, I’m not sure if that realization would have helped any sooner. Part of me believes that somewhere between 17 and 18, that spirit was broken in me. It was abundantly clear—not just on my birthday but on every other day of that year—that I was not loved, celebrated, and accepted by my family for who I was. If I had known, if they had known, if they’d been willing and able to make up for it shortly after… maybe. Instead, I spent the next few formative years believing that I was alone on an island, and no one was coming to get me. It became part of my core sense of self, even when I returned to the mainland. I know from tangible evidence that I’m not lost at sea anymore, but I almost always feel it.

 

Last year was somehow the worst. I knew this about myself, the true desire I’d been unable to articulate or fulfill all those years and I knew that my birthday would make me unhappy. More than ever before wanted to be done, despite the little pilot light of hope. I walked into work and there on my desk was a small round cake, chocolate, with “Happy Birthday Wes!” on top. It was so kind of them, even though I’d asked everybody to do nothing. It was so kind. Again I looked at the cake and felt no joy, but it was worse this time: these coworkers did love and celebrate and accept me for who I was, and it didn’t even matter. I couldn’t feel it. The untouched cake went home with me at the end of the day, where I left it for my roommates and it was blessedly gone by the time I got back from the bar.

 

It’s that day again. The hope showed up again a few weeks ago: I was sitting across the table from my closest friend at a pub. We’d liked each other since we were 19 and at some point, it grew into its own form of love, though not one I’d describe easily. Historians might say we were very good friends. He’d been telling me about his growing joy in cake decorating, and that little pilot light popped on and made me say “You have permission to make me a cake this year.”

 

I’m going to see him after work today, and there’s probably going to be cake. I don’t know what it’ll look like or what it’ll say, but I love and trust the person who’s making it. Here’s the thing: maybe I’ll see that cake and I won’t feel anything. Maybe it’ll make me feel sick to my stomach, like last year. But I can’t put out the long-burning hope that this year I’ll blow out candles and it’ll finally, finally begin to patch the wound that started ten years ago, at my last happy birthday.

[onethousandseventysevenreasons]

Hi, ▇▇. My love. My beautiful angel.

Today marks 3 years you’ve been gone. Every day still hurts. I have no idea how or why I chose to stay here. You’ve missed so much … I’m a completely different person now. This time of year always brings back such terrible memories.

I know you’re content with the choice you made, but I wish I could have prevented it somehow. I wish I had been there—in real life, and not over the phone—so I could have given you a hug to let you know everything was going to be okay. 

For a while, I was so mad at you.

How could you do that?

How could you show me that?

Why would you do that to our families and to me?

Unfortunately the older I get, the more and more I understand why you did that. The world is so cruel and the escape from reality seems necessary.  They say life is short but I feel like it’s too long.

1095 days without you.

It’s funny because it’s not funny.

It’s funny because I have erased any evidence of your existence.

It’s funny because it still hurts.

I don’t want to be poetic, I want to empathize with you. But the question still passes through my mind every once in a while.

Who hurt you?

We had been friends since I was 9 and you were 8. And then one day you just … Changed.

Shortly after you passed I got raped. It changed me a lot. Not as much as what you did. But it changed me.

I spend every day laughing and trying to hide the fact that my emotional pain is unbearable. People think I’m a guy with no filter and no shame. 

I think the reality of it is, ▇▇, I will never feel the way I felt when it was just us. When we would walk home from school together, and then the sadness I would feel when we had to go down different streets to go home. But then the happiness I felt when you texted me less than 30 minutes later asking if I wanted to FaceTime. 

It’s a fleeting feeling. 

And it fled too fast. 

How can I only be 17? I feel like my life is coming to a closing chapter but people keep telling me I’ve just begun.

I’ve been getting really into my studies and trying to move out. I have 3 ½ credits left, and then I’m done. The issue of the matter, of course, is that my mom is so obsessed with me.

You probably remember that though. I’ve had Life360 since I was 8.

Actually, I think I’ve lost the incentive to keep telling you these things.

I thought about that night. It actually passes through my mind a lot. I tried going spiritual for a while, just trying to see if maybe it could help. I would look at the stars and say that you were up there looking down on me, making sure I stayed safe.

Now the stars hurt.

Now the sunsets hurt.

Being in the dark hurts.

And that’s what you did to me. You left me in the dark.

Now even the thought of you hurts.

I never thought it would get this bad.

You never think the one person in your life you can always depend on will just leave forever.

But maybe it’s not forever, maybe we meet up again somewhere after we’ve died. I have low expectations for that, but I can hope.

I think if there is a good and a bad place, I’m going to the bad place. I’m not a good person, even with all of the nice things people say about me, I’m not a good person. 

After you died, I stopped eating. I dropped like 90lbs, I want to say thank you but all it did was fuck me up. I had to go into a residential program. It was absolutely horrible. They gaslit me and my parents into stuff that wasn’t true. Then they got me on medication just to numb me out, so I couldn’t truly feel the emotions I had. Who needs emotions anyway. I got off the medications they had me on. I have high days and low days, but most are pretty vanilla.

That’s part of the reason I’m writing to you. I found someone just like you.

Just like you…

But, since you left I don’t trust the same.

I don't feel the same.

I don't think the same.

I will deny it until I die to anybody else.

But,

You ruined me.

And I can’t forgive you.

But I miss you. I miss myself.

[chrysanthemumpink]

Kind of a weird thing to mention but, years ago, he said that if it were up to him, he'd have 10 children. At the time, I didn't know that others thought of children as their legacy. Not as an extension of themselves. When he said that, I was so happy.

I've always wanted to be a mother. And to be the mom I didn't get to have.

It's not his fault. He didn't know. after 4 years, he still doesn't know.

But my mom has always been...ill. when I was younger, I didn't really notice. She was just a stay at home mom to me. Looking back, I see how much pain she was in. But that's what motherhood was to me. It was existing... despite the pain

By the time I was 10, my brother and I slept with car keys under the pillow in case there was an emergency. My mom slept in the living room, not in her bed. Every four hours, id replace the frozen veggies or meat she was sleeping with... with a fresh pack of frozen veggies or meat. Eventually, all of us slept in the living room. At 10 years old, it genuinely didn't seem too out of the ordinary.

Two weeks after my 13th birthday, my mom had her first heart attack and kidney failure. I didn't even cry. I remember all my aunts and uncles crying. But I did not. I didn't see my mom got another 3 years. Not until I was 16, almost 17. And even then, it didn't seem weird.

Now I'm 27. I've only recently come to terms with the fact that my childhood was slightly...traumatic. 10 year olds shouldn't keep food and medication diaries. And yet my mom is still here. I would not trade my life for anything in this world. And more than anything, I wish that I were half as amazing as my mom.

I want to be the mom that my mom tried so hard to be. I love cartoons and animation but these days, I see myself in the parents and in the mentors. Not the main characters. And maybe that's natural.

But I didn't have an idyllic childhood. And yet, it still felt that way because my mom tried so hard. It turn out she had a heart condition. It's genetic but she made sure it was addressed when my brother and I were children. I didn't know it at the time but...one of the reasons that she refused to see my brother and I got years was because she'd sworn against organ donation. My brother and I are a match for kidney donations. But she doesn't want them. She says she's the one "who made both of us." The organs will stay "where she put them."

I've gotten a little off topic. And this is so selfish of me. But I want to be a mom so badly. I want to give everything that I didn't have but felt like I did. I want to be the mother I looked up too and missed out on. I want my mom to see her grandchildren grow up.

But he could never understand what that means. I want my children to be a a part of me. He wants them to be his legacy. I'm 27 and he's 35. I don't have much time left and he feels as if we have all the time in the world. He says he wants so many children but won't do anything to create a stable foundation for any of them.

He still can't convince of paternal longevity. In his minds, parents are still invincible. He's never had to consider life without them or be greatful for each, single day. most people my age age similar.

But I wish he'd take his statements more seriously and understand just how much marriage and children actually mean to me

[yungmufasa]

i used to fantasize so much about numbing my pain in the least painful way possible. anxiety and addiction colossally fucked my social life (& subsequently my mind) completely up in high school. barely went to parties. never been in a friend group up until this day. never ate breakfast & was too irrationally scared to ask my dad for lunch money, so most times just never ate at school neither. started skipping dinner around junior year so would really only eat one meal a day right after school

i remember watching tyler the creator interviews in sophomore & junior year n being in fuckin bewilderment over just how extroverted someone could be. someone. a human. a human like me. hell if we’re the same species, why can’t i be like that? i remember tasking myself every morning before school to just have one conversation of substance with someone. teacher, student, someone in my class, anyone. that’s how low my social skills were at the time. i did extroverted shit like once in a literal blue moon, but would otherwise just be a passerby in everyone else’s life. 

my dad most def didn’t help with my mental either lol. coming home drunk while i was studying for gcses, i remember explicit asking him just after another brief argument (and after me clearly living up to the black sheep label of the family over the years) if he was even proud of me for studying since i never really studied up until then. i was surroundeddd by books, papers, textbooks on my bed and he just didn’t respond. that’s when i knew my existence was just a chore for him to half-assedly take care of. i knew he longed for, and wished that i was like, my middle brother - stem major, comp sci at university of edinburgh, straight a*’s. any other synonym in the thesaurus relating to those qualities

i’m pretty sure i have some form of ptsd left rotting in my head from hearing him stomp up those creaky stairs or loudly opening the main door coming home from work at around 7, or even just barging into my room. he never knocked before entering my room. mind you he was 6′3 so you could just imagine my almost daily fright every single fucking workday of the week with my heart pounding and just shattering my chest, with my mind racing as to what the fuck kind of argument we’re gonna have now. i’d have to switch tabs on my laptop if i was playing a game before he came in, since unless i wasn’t tabbed on anything remotely educational or formal, that would just be another argument added onto the already incoming ones lol. 

i couldnt freely be a fucking teenager around him. i couldn’t be a kid that played games. i couldn’t be a kid who felt as though he truly lived in an open and inviting family environment where i wouldn’t get anxiety from asking my father for lunch money. fucking lunch money man. the luck that he had with raising me in dubai is so fucking insurmountable otherwise i’d have probably overdosed at 17 if drugs were so freely available like how they are here in england

i resent him for those days & how he completely diminished my quality of life all through my teenage years and only now is he giving a fuck about me since i’m the last born & we’re all grown up now. i’m 21 this march.

i’m never letting him make any positive claim to fame as to being part of the reason as to why i’ll become successful in the future. if anything, your biased, outdated, anxiety inducing, narcissistic, emotionally half-assed parenting will be the reason i will become who i will become in the future. all through becoming the complete opposite of a human and father that you were to me, to not only my own future children, but to the world.

don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me in my mid 20′s.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Quick question sorry if this has been asked before: do you know any Johnlock fanfic where they’re extremely sensual? Like not just making love but just super methodically drawn out and slow and sweet?

Hi Nonny!!

Ahh, because of this ask, I went through my bookmarks to see if I have any listed with “sensuality” so that’s what this list is!! It definitely doesn’t have all of my fics because I have to go back through them and tag them, but in the meantime, enjoy what I started tagging a few months ago when you sent me this ask, LOL <3

As always, add your own fics here, Lovelies!!

SENSUALITY

See also:

Emotional Love Making || [MOBILE POST]

Emotional Love Making Pt. 2

Loved. by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 1,231 w., 1 Ch. || First Sherlock POV, Slice of Life, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Nose Kisses, Morning After, Love Confessions, Morning Cuddles, Emotional Sherlock, Sentiment, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock reflects on his relationship with John. Part 5 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection

Morning Sunlight by slashscribe (E, 3,565 w., 1 Ch. || PWP, Morning Sex, Fluff, PWP, Established Rel., Soft Idiots) – A thin band of soft morning light peeks between the curtains and stretches across John’s torso, laying dormant across his forearm, dipping into the space between his arm and his chest, illuminating his right nipple but just brushing the edge of his left, disappearing into his armpit, and reappearing again right over Sherlock’s eyes where his head rests, nestled against John’s shoulder. Sherlock is not annoyed by the light’s intrusion on his sleep, not when it rests so soft and tantalizing on John’s skin, a work of unintentionally erotic art. A PWP with so much emotion.

Living Musical by VeeTheRee (G, 4,149 w. 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Hobbies, Summer, Song Fic, POV Sherlock, Painting, Play Fighting, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Love Declarations, Hair Petting, Promise of Forever) – A one-shot of John and Sherlock being domestic during summer. There is paint, fluff, and music from Imagine Dragons, namely from the album 'Speak To Me', specific song in this one-shot is 'Living Musical'. Part 1 of the Happy Fluffy Johnlock Time series

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalized Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by "accident", it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

To be loved by Strange_johnlock (E, 12,436 w., 8 Ch. || Post S3, Established Relationship, First Person POV Sherlock, Pet Names, Soft Sherlock, Mild ADHD, Protective John, Captain Watson, Body Appreciation, Bottomlock, Rough Sex, Travelling for Holidays, Introspection, Sherlock Loves John So Much It Hurts) – John is so deeply integrated into the work, both as my conductor of light, and as a great shot with a vicious right hook who tackles men -and women- no matter their size all in my defense. He protects me with all he can without question, and this loyalty is surely more than I deserve. Or: Sherlock is counting his blessings.

The Invocation of Saint Margaret by Ewebie (E, 15,831 w., 1 Ch. || POV John,  Crossing Timelines, Light Angst, Fluff, Series 3 John / Series 1 Sherlock, The Matchbox, Mushy Romance, First Time, Bisexual John, Pining John, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Sensuality, Emotional Love Making, Snippets of Time) – When Sherlock Holmes opens the matchbox from The Sign of Three and John finds himself years in the past, back to that first dinner at Angelo's with a much younger Sherlock Holmes. Is he dreaming?

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch. || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

Through the Clouds by Mazarin221b (E, 20,004 w., 6 Ch. || Retirement, Sussex, Bees, Home Improvement, First Time, Romance) – Sherlock takes a remarkably early retirement at 47, and convinces John that a change of pace would do them both good. They buy an old cottage on the South Downs, and exchange their nonstop life in Baker Street for quiet contemplation, bee studies, and book writing. They might go completely insane, but sometimes it takes stepping outside of the life you're living to find the life you want. Part 1 of Through The Clouds

How To Unfold a Heart by elwinglyre (E, 25,477 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It, BAMF John, Mentioned Eurus, POV First Person Sherlock, Case Fic, Fluff, Slow Burn, Topping from the Bottom, 3 Yr Old Rosie, Introspection, Sexual Fantasies, John Worship, Ogling, Hand Holding, Kidnapping, Domesticity, Sherlock Whump, First Kiss/Time, Doctor John, Caring John, Soft Sherlock, Sensuality, Touching, Crying, Love Confessions, Anxious Sherlock, Rimming, Toplock, Fingering, Bossy Bottom John) – To Sherlock’s dismay, John’s return to Baker Street with Rosie is only temporary. Sherlock’s daily visits to Regent Park with John and Rosie illuminate his lost childhood memories and missed opportunities. But with each trip to the park, Sherlock also feels a growing sense of hope. That is until the past horrors return unexpectedly in a cryptic note folded in the shape of a heart. To decipher the message, Sherlock must uncover the nature of the hearts around him, including his own.

Lucifer's Gardens by ampersand_ch (E, 32,679 w., 12 Ch. || GERMAN VERSION || Romance, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Murder, Poison / Drugging, Mystery, John Undercover, Academic Club, Therapy, Rituals, Jungian Archetypes, Doctors & Physicians, Grief/Mourning, Esotericism, Hospitals, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, John Falls In Love With Another Man, Jealous Sherlock, Crying, Doctor John, Hand Holding, First Kiss/Time, Mysticism, Hugging, Touching) – John goes undercover for an investigation as a favour to Lestrade in a village in Suffolk. The events surrounding the case awaken deep-seated fears in Sherlock. While John begins to come to a realisation of what he needs in Lucifer's Gardens, Sherlock tries to find a way to reach John – in more ways than one.

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

[mysweetkittae]

When The Sun Rises (Ch.17)

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18

Characters: Actor!Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 4,797

Warnings: Depression, anxiety, mentions of past child neglect, mentions of past parental death, I promise there is happiness and hope in this.

Author’s Note: This story is fully written and will be updated weekly! It will also be posted on AO3 if you would prefer to read it there.

Summary: Everything felt numb, the heavy weight of nothingness having long found purchase in the spaces between Jungkook's ribs. It was all he knew – to run, so far away that his fears could never catch him – until one day he couldn’t anymore. Until one day there was nowhere left for him to run; nowhere left for him to hide. And then someone came along – kind and loving and patient, the wisps of the morning rays to illuminate his endless night sky – and suddenly Jungkook didn’t want to run anymore. For the first time in his life, he no longer wanted to hide – he just wanted to be free.

The first time Y/N came to visit Jungkook since they got back together was nerve-wracking, to say the least. Jungkook had managed to visit a number of times in the near six months it had been, even if they were only short weekend trips, but combined with the near daily calling or messaging, the two of them had quickly crossed whatever distance had formed between them.

The day had been spent hanging out with everyone, hopping from café to café until Jungkook and Y/N finally settled at home, curled up on the sofa under piles of blankets that were far too heavy for the season.

“Are you sure it’s okay for you to be missing this event?” Y/N asked as she looked up to his face, chin perched on his shoulder. “Networking is important.”

“I have networked enough for a hundred lifetimes, Y/N, I'd much rather be here with you.”

“But… priorities,” she pouted.

“Exactly; priorities,” Jungkook answered, pressing a series of gentle kisses to her forehead.

“Hey,” Jungkook mumbled, hours later with the moon high in the sky, arms still wrapped around the woman who owned his heart.

“Hmm?” Y/N replied sleepily, eyes slowly drifting closed.

“I love you. So, so much.”

“I love you more,” she whispered back, shifting until she lay comfortably on his chest.

  ☽ ☼ ☾

 The second time Y/N visited it was easy, any fear from the previous visit completely non-existent. The morning was spent giggling over Jungkook's childhood stories with Namjoon and Kyungmin's parents whilst Jungkook was busy with a last-minute meeting, cheeks flushed when he finally came back to see Y/N wading in old embarrassing pictures of his. Many of the pictures he hadn’t even seen himself, finding out that they had been hidden in the attic with numerous other old photo albums.

The rest of the day was spent with the two of them reminiscing over their childhood, both pleasant and painful times shared with one another, forming a new memory that was filled with nothing but love and warmth.

  ☽ ☼ ☾

 The third time she visited was not as easy, the knowledge of how little time they had together tainting every moment. It was getting harder, this long distance relationship thing. It was the only option they had right now, they both knew that well, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Their legs swung as they hung over the edge of the board walk, stars twinkling over the soft laps of the water.

“I feel so conflicted,” Y/N admitted, fingers pulling Jungkook's hand into her lap.

“About what?”

“Just… everything. I hate that we can't be together all the time but I also hate the thought of leaving my grandparents alone. I know that it’s a decision that’ll have to happen at some point but I just can't leave them right now. But then it’s not fair to you either and I just… I wish I could have everything at once. That way it wouldn’t be so hard to make a decision. Why can't everything just be simple?”

“I wish there was a simple answer, but no matter what we end up doing someone will have to make a big sacrifice, and that’s not something that’s going to be easy,” Jungkook answered solemnly, heart twinging at the way she looked so distraught.

“Well how do we decide?”

“I don’t know yet, but whatever we do we have to think about it carefully. We’ll discuss it properly this time, no repeats of last time.”

Y/N playfully elbowed his ribs at his response, small smile on her face. “Who would’ve guessed that communication was important in a relationship?”

“I know right? Never would’ve thought it,” Jungkook replied in jest, nudging her back.

Each touch lasted a little bit longer leading up to Y/N going back home, neither one wanting to be the first to let go. Y/N prayed that Jungkook hadn’t seen her tears as she left, knowing that it would only make it harder for him to see her so upset. But she couldn’t help it. Leaving was never an easy thing, but it had never been so difficult before. And this time… this time her heart was aching so desperately, lungs struggling to fully expand as the train moved further away. She was on her way back home, so why did it feel like she was getting further away from it?

She was usually good at hiding her emotions, perfected the art of masking the intensity of her pain from her grandparents, yet this time her heart was overflowing so vastly that even a stranger would know that she wasn’t okay. And her grandparents – well, they were the furthest thing from strangers, weren’t they? They knew everything there was to know about her, even if she didn’t know it herself. She was their whole world, the very star their entire lives revolved around. So when she turned up, eyes swollen and red, body shaking in their arms like a leaf in a storm, they knew that it was time.

“You miss him a lot, don’t you darling,” Y/N's grandma said matter-of-factly, rubbing her hand in circles over Y/N's back.

“Why does it hurt so much?” Y/N sobbed, fingers gripping tightly on her clothes.

“Because you love him, and it hurts to be away from your family,” her grandpa supplied softly.

“But you're my family too. It hurts so much to be away from either of you. What do I do? I can't leave you but I don’t want to leave him either.”

“Maybe… maybe you don’t have to choose,” her grandma said carefully.

“How though? We’re here and he's over there. I can't expect him to drop everything and move here and I can't just leave everything behind to go to him. It’s just this never ending cycle of sadness. I know we’ll have to figure something out eventually, but how?”

“Well,” her grandpa started, pulling her hand into his own, “we've actually been thinking about this for quite some time now and we… we think it’s time to sell the hotel.”

“What?!” Y/N exclaimed, words barely registering. “How could you even think of something like that?”

“Look, Y/N, we’re not getting younger. We’re getting weaker and we don’t have the energy to work as much anymore”

“I can do it! I can work more hours at the hotel while you guys rest, or-or we can hire another person to help,” Y/N supplied frantically, eyes flickering back and forth as her brain began working on different scenarios to make it work.

“And what about your bookshop? You already work more hours than can be considered healthy, if you spend more time at the hotel then how will you manage your shop?” Her grandpa questioned.

“I… I can sell it…” Y/N said slowly to herself, processing the thought before repeating it more firmly. “Yeah, I can easily sell the shop. It’s in a good location, it shouldn’t be much of a problem. And with the profits from that I'm sure we could hire someone else if necessary.”

“Y/N, stop,” her grandma said sternly, hand resting on her cheek to slow her down. “You will not sell your shop just to work more hours at the hotel.”

“But-”

“No. Listen, Y/N, we will not let you sell your precious shop just for our sake. Besides, the hotel doesn’t even make a large enough profit. Trust us, we put a lot of thought into this, and it just isn't worth it anymore.”

“But…”

“Honey, we know that the real reason you haven’t moved to the city yet is because of us.”

“No-!”

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay,” she consoled Y/N. “We know, and we appreciate it so much, but it’s finally time. If we all moved to the city then not only would it mean that we were closer to a hospital and wouldn’t have to travel as much as we have been for appointments, but it would mean that your business would do better, and, most importantly, you and Jungkook would finally live in the same city. It’s the perfect solution.”

“No… no. You're… you're only saying that because of me,” Y/N sniffed, palms wiping away the tears from her cheeks. “You can't sell this hotel, I won't let you. This is your dream, you’ve dedicated your whole life to this place. I can't let you just throw it away because of me. I won't be that selfish.” Y/N was almost fuming at this point, the thought of her grandparents wanting to throw their life’s work away just for her leaving her filled with rage.

“Y/N please, just listen to us,” her grandma begged, pulling her arm to sit her back down.

“I won't let you give up your dream for me,” Y/N mumbled quietly, a fresh batch of tears pricking her eyes.

“And what about your dream?” Her grandpa countered. “Y/N, as much as we love this hotel – it’s just a hotel. You are our dream, and we would do absolutely anything for you, just as you would for us. This building is not worth more to us than our own grandchild. Besides, even if you put all of that aside it’s still more logical to sell the hotel. We aren’t able to maintain it ourselves nor can we afford to hire more staff, and considering how few customers we get? It’s just not worth it anymore.”

“We just want to rest now,” her grandma said wearily. “We've spent our whole lives working, Y/N, we just want to relax and enjoy and do things we never got a chance to do whilst we still have some of our health left.”

“Are you really willing to move away from this place? Move away from my parents and all of the memories we have?” Y/N asked silently.

“Our memories will always stay with us, no matter where we go in the world. Besides, there's nothing stopping us from visiting anytime we want. This will always be our home.”

“I… I need some time to think about it,” Y/N requested, voice quiet and wary.

“Of course, take as much time as you need. And remember – whatever decision we make, we make as a family. We won't do anything unless everyone’s on board with it, okay?”

Y/N nodded, giving her grandparents tired kisses on their cheeks before dredging her feet across the floor as she made her way towards her room. Her first instinct had been to call Jungkook and tell him everything that had happened, but upon thinking about it she figured it would probably be better to wait. She wanted to properly think about it and form cohesive thoughts so that they could have a productive discussion, rather than her just blabbering nonsensically and going around in circles.

There was also the question of whether she should talk to Hoseok about it or wait until a decision had been made. If they moved, then this was something that would affect him too since he worked with them. She’d be more than happy for him to move with them so they could continue working together, but would he be willing to make such a big move? The last thing she wanted as to stress him out with something that might not even happen, yet they couldn’t make such a big decision without him since it would have a major impact on him. Groaning into her pillow with frustration, she figured that she would see what Jungkook thought about the situation tomorrow and work it out from there.

Thoughts swirled endlessly around her mind that night, trying to imagine various scenarios that could arise from the different choices. What her grandparents had suggested would be a good idea, she couldn’t deny that, but what she couldn’t shake was the immense guilt that overcame her whenever she thought about them giving up their precious hotel and moving away from this town just for her sake. Even if she moved away herself, it would be such a huge life change that she didn’t know if she could deal with it.

All of these worries were aired to Jungkook when she finally called him in the morning, knowing well that there was no way she’d be able to last the entire day without talking to him about it.

“No, I see where you're coming from. I mean I'm not gonna lie, the selfish part of me wants you all to come here so we can all be together all the time, but I'm also hesitant because what if they're doing this just because of me?” Jungkook voiced, frowning in concern at the possibility.

“That’s what I keep worrying about,” Y/N sighed tensely. “We both know how much they care about us, I wouldn’t put it past them to give up everything so that we can be happy.”

“Yeah, but then again they're not wrong about how they don’t have as much energy to run a hotel anymore. They deserve to rest.”

“I get that, and I'm not planning on forcing them to continue working, but just because they stop working doesn’t mean selling the hotel, right? Like I can take charge of it and we can hire people to help out. They don’t have to give up their dreams for us.”

“But it’s okay for you to give up your dream for them? The only way you could take over the hotel is if you sell your bookshop, and we all know how precious your shop is to you.”

“Well yeah, but not more important than them.”

“Isn't that how they feel about you? That you're more important to them than the hotel?”

“Ugh this is so frustrating!” Y/N groaned, flailing around in bed as her confusion only became more intense.

“Look,” Jungkook reassured, “this is a big decision. You don’t have to come up with an answer right now. Take more time to rationally think about it, list out the pros and cons, and then trust your instinct. And talk to Hoseok, okay? This involves him as well, plus it'll probably help to have his opinion since he's slightly more removed from the situation.”

“Yeah, you're right. I just wish I immediately knew what I wanted.”

“Life would be so much easier if it worked that way, would it?” Jungkook teased.

“Tell me about it,” Y/N said as she rolled her eyes, head throbbing from overthinking.

“Hey, Y/N?” Jungkook said after a moment, voice soft and careful.

“Hmm?”

“Whatever decision you end up making, don’t make it just for me.”

“What do you mean?” Y/N asked in confusion, propping herself up on her elbow.

“I don’t want all of you uprooting your entire life just because you think it’s the only way for us to be together. We’ll find a way to make this work, okay? Even if this isn't the answer, we’ll find a way eventually.”

She smiled adoringly, heart swelling at his sincerity. “I know. I promise you that if we do move, it'll be because it’s the right thing to do.”

“Good,” he smiled in relief. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

  ☽ ☼ ☾

 “I'm not seeing what the problem is,” Hoseok said honestly, fingers digging at the crumbling grout of the wall they were perched on, legs swaying as they looked out to the water. “Do you not want to move to the city and be with him?”

“Of course I do, it’s not that.”

“Then? Do you want your grandparents to keep on working?”

“No I don’t want that either.”

“Then what is it that you want? Because as far as I can tell, this is the best case scenario,” Hoseok answered, eyeing the way her shoulders hunched over.

“I know…”

“So what is it? There's something else to this, isn't there?”

“I just… as much as I want to move to the city and start the next chapter of my life, I can't help but feel immense guilt. My whole life is here – my parents are here.”

Since their bodies had never been found, her family had always seen this ocean as their burial ground, so to leave them behind felt almost sinful.

“My parents loved this town and wanted to spend the rest of their lives here. When I was little I promised them that we would all live here together and be happy forever, but if I leave then it’s like I'm betraying them,” she sulked, pressing her fingers into the stone until it left indentations.

“People change, Y/N, and times change too. I'm sure your parents would understand that. I don’t think they would have wanted you to give it all up for a promise you made as a child,” Hoseok opposed.

“I know. And I know that they would want me to be happy and do what’s best for me – they always said that my happiness was more important than everything else – but I still feel so much guilt all the time,” she rued. “No matter what choice I make I will always have regrets, and I hate it.”

“That’s just how life works, I'm afraid. We constantly have to make choices, and sometimes those choices are really difficult.”

“So how do I choose?”

“You just have to listen to your gut.”

“My gut is telling me to throw up.”

Hoseok chuckled at Y/N's disdain. “Look, I'm not going to pretend that I know exactly how it feels to be in your situation, but what I can do is encourage you to do what I think is best for you – and Y/N, I truly, truly believe that this is what's right for you.”

“But what if it’s not?”

“Well, then you can always come back. This place will always be your home, and it’s not like anyone said that once you leave you can't ever come back. So go. Move with Jungkook and give it a solid chance, and if after that you feel like it’s not right for you, come back. You will always have a choice, Y/N, you just have to choose which ones to make.”

“How do you always know what to say?” Y/N sighed, fingers wrapped around her face.

“I work in a bookshop you know, that makes me super smart,” Hoseok chuckled, fixing his imaginary bowtie.

“Oh!” Y/N jolted, back straightening immediately. “That reminds me, I actually had something else I wanted to discuss with you.”

“W-what is it?” Hoseok asked nervously.

“Hoseok,” Y/N said seriously, clearing her throat and taking his hands into hers.

“W-what are you doing?”

“We’ve known each other for a while now and you know well that I trust you with my life.”

“What is happening?”

“I thought long and hard about this and discussed it at length with my grandparents too.”

“Y/N.”

“So let me ask you something-”

“Are you proposing?!”

“No, shut up. Jung Hoseok, will you be my business partner?”

“Will-what? Your what?”

“Will you be my business partner?”

“Yeah, what?!”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“Because! This is a big commitment, Y/N, you are sure you want me to be your business partner?” Hoseok clarified, eyes having taken over half his face at this point.

“You're my best friend, Hoseok, we've been working together for years now and I meant it when I said I trusted you with my life.”

“But, still…”

“You're good at your job. You basically fulfil the role of a business partner anyway, this would just make it official really.”

Hoseok remained silent in his thoughts, brows furrowing as he contemplated the offer.

“Look, I've been thinking about this for some time now, even before the talks of moving happened, so this isn't some spur of the moment decision. If we stay here, I want to sign you onto the business, and if we move then I would love for you to come with us and be my business partner there. But there's no pressure whatsoever, I want you to know that. If we stay here and you want to continue just as you have been, that’s fine. If you want to move but not be my partner, that’s fine too. If you want to not work with me at all, whether we stay here or move, that’s fine too. Or if you decide you want to be my partner but then realise that you don’t actually want to then I'm okay with that. Or maybe even if you say no now but want it in the future, that would work too. Basically, the offer will always be there, it’s just up to you what you want to do with-”

Hoseok had pulled her into a crushing embrace before she had even gotten the last word out, heavy emotions weighing his heart down. “Thank you,” he whispered into her hair.

“For what?” Y/N laughed softly, reciprocating his hug.

“Everything. For being you.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“No, you did everything, Y/N. I don’t think you realise just how much you’ve helped me. You’ve been so understanding and accommodating, right from the beginning. You always pushed me to be my best without pushing me too far and making me uncomfortable. You took me in and made me a part of your family even though you had no obligation to. I have come so far in terms of my health, and it’s all because of you. If you asked me the same question when we first met, whether it was to become your business partner or to move to the city, I probably would’ve run in the opposite direction and locked myself away. But now? Honestly speaking, I'm excited. I mean I'm pretty terrified, don’t get me wrong, but the thought of doing something so cool with my best friend? It’s exciting.”

“Well since we’re professing our undying love for each other,” Y/N smiled as she pulled back from his arms, “I sincerely hope you know how precious you are to me. I truly, truly don’t know what I would do without you. You know that I never really had any friends until you and Jungkook came into my life, and if you weren’t by my side when everything happened? I don’t know how I would’ve coped. You were there for me, no matter what. You called me out when I was being ridiculous and you stood by my side when it felt like my entire world was collapsing. You're my best friend, in every sense of the word, and I am so grateful to have you in my life. I mean it when I say this: there is no one else I'd rather do this with than you.”

“Friends forever?” Hoseok asked, holding his pinkie finger out.

“Friends forever,” Y/N agreed, clasping her pinkie around his.

“And Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“You always have so much love to give to everyone else. All I hope is that you save some love for yourself too.”

  ☽ ☼ ☾

 When the answer finally came to Y/N, it wasn’t like there was a sudden switch going off in her mind. She had been walking down the beach by herself again, hands tucked into her jacket pocket as she talked to her parents about what the right thing to do was, when she realised that thinking about leaving didn’t make her sad anymore.

And it was peaceful, the way her heart no longer lurched at the thought of not seeing this ocean every day. The longing hadn’t disappeared, but it wasn’t so vicious anymore, no longer feeling like it was clawing her heart to shreds.

Instead it was a gentle lull, pulling her heart to and fro, but always returning to the same place.

Peaceful.

Content.

Free.

I think I'm ready.

“Darling, are you sure about this?” Her grandma questioned.

“I'm sure,” Y/N answered resolutely. “I thought about this a lot and of all the different options and outcomes, and you were right. This is the best option, and I think it’s time.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I'm so proud of you. I'm sure this wasn’t an easy decision.”

“No, it wasn’t, but it’s the right thing to do. And besides, like everyone said, it’s not like once we move we can't ever come back. This will always be our home.”

“Well I guess that’s settled then – we need to start the process of selling everything,” her granddad declared.

“Actually that was something I've also been thinking about,” she added. “I was taking a look at our finances and there's not long left on the mortgage for the hotel. If we rent it out then in a few years’ time the mortgage will have been paid off and it'll be a good source of income for you. Plus, it means that we don’t actually have to sell it, so it'll still be yours.”

“Will that be enough? Moving and opening up your new business won't be cheap – won't we need more money than just selling your shop?”

“I still need to properly discuss things with Jungkook to get all the details worked out, but I think it should be enough.”

  ☽ ☼ ☾

 “I know you're going to say no,” Jungkook prefaced, moving his face closer to the phone screen during the video call, “but just hear me out first.”

Y/N nodded, motioning for him to continue.

“I pay for everything and you don’t have to worry about anything!”

“Nope,” she interjected, not even entertaining the thought for a second.

“But why?” Jungkook whined, frustrated that he she wasn’t letting him take care of her family.

“Because! I can't just let you pay for everything, Jungkook, that’s way too much.”

“But I love you,” he pouted, eyes falling in disappointment.

“And I love you too, Kookie, but you know I can't. If you were in my position would you accept an offer like that?”

“…No,” he grumbled.

“Then?”

“I know,” he sighed. “I just want to help you as much as I can. I love you so much and I only want the best for you.”

“I know, and trust me, I appreciate it so much. I just wouldn’t be comfortable accepting that much.”

“What do we do then? The building and apartment have already been bought from last time.”

“I was thinking about that too,” she groaned, cheek planting in her hand. “I don’t want you to have to sell it because you bought them with so much love, but there's also no way that I could afford paying for those places.”

“Hmm… oh!” Jungkook exclaimed, almost dropping his phone with excitement.

“What?”

“What if we found a way to do both?” Jungkook proposed, a twinkle in his eye.

“What do you mean?”

“Well I really want you to have the building and apartment I chose because I think they'd be perfect for you, but it’s out of your budget if you paid full price for it. Since if I had it my way I would just gift them to you anyway, why not just pay me the rent? But rather than the actual full price just pay how much you’re paying now at home. That would work wouldn’t it?”

“But then I'm still not paying anywhere near how much it actually costs.”

“Well you can just pay me over a longer period of time, and if in the future you have the ability to pay a higher price, then pay me more. It’s a win-win situation really,” he beamed, proud of himself for having thought of this idea.

“There's no guarantee that I'd be earning enough in the future to pay you the full price, and if I pay you the same that I currently pay then you'd be waiting ages to get your money back,” she said hesitantly, apprehension scrunching up her face.

“Well it’s a good thing we’re gonna be together forever then isn't it?” Jungkook grinned, cheeks bunching up at his perfect plan.

“Jungkook,” Y/N said, eyes finally welling with tears, “you know how much I love you, right?”

“Hey, why are you crying?” Jungkook said gently, concern painting his face.

“I just… you have done so much for me and my family and I don’t know how I'm ever going to repay you.”

“Hey, I don’t want to hear any of that ‘repayment’ nonsense, okay? You, Y/N, are the love of my life, and I would do absolutely anything for you, you got that? Anything. You don’t owe me anything. The only thing I want is for you to be happy and successful. I just want to be with you, that’s it.”

Y/N choked at his words, nodding her head in agreement as her lip quivered at the oncoming tears.

“Just come to me quickly,” Jungkook sniffled, blinking away the tears so he could see Y/N's face more clearly, “I miss you so much.”

[cowboylikeghost]

Here are 73 fact about me that nobody ask for but i need validation

1- I love Reading, drawing and plants even if i always kill them

2- I'm a whore for Jane Austen

3- I love when people prove that a conspiracy theory is false

4- I have a weird passion for geology and paleontology

4- I probably have undiagnosed ADHD because of my mother

5- I'm bad at frienship, every of them have to be special

6- My love language is talking about my passion and learning everything about the person, people think it's weird, i have nobody

7- I'm hopeless romantic even if i act like i'm not

8- I hate being touch and i hate hug, they feel weird to me

9- I hate when someone is next to me and their arm or knee touch me, it's make me feel anxious

10- I'm an introvert with diagnosed social anxiety, i'm also an infp and a sagittarius

11- I'm bi and disgusted about the idea of having s*x with someone, i think i'm ace, nobody will ever love me like i do

12- Autumn is the best season and i basically live for rainy day, if it could rain forever i will be the happiest

13- I love academic validation but i suck at school, my only way to work is to pretend i'm Chilton Rory Gilmore

14- I read non stop for 6 month and after i go on a reading slump for the rest of the year

15- I don't have a stable personality

16- I write sad poetry

17- I'm sad and this is my main personality trait

18- My family said that i'm basically sadness from this Disney movie

19- I want to move in a cottage in England with a lot of mountains so i can found cool rocks

20- I have a no self control and a big problem with my emotions

21- I get angry very easily

22- I only have 3 friends and one of them is my sister

23- I have commitment issues

24- I broke up two times in two years with two different girls that lives at more than 8h from me

25- I hate what the french language became even if i can't write a sentence without any fault

26- English is my fav subject at school

27- I hate eyes contact, it's make me uncomfy and i feel like people judge me

28- I feel like i'm better than everyone

29- I feel like everyone hate me

30- I feel sorry for every teacher

31- I love being in my bed, scrolling on my phone or reading but i hate sleeping because i feel like i'm wasting my time

32- Sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night because i feel like i forgot something for school, even if i'm in vacation

33- I hate people at school because i get bullied

34- People don't like me but i would kill to have someone like me in my life so i don't understand

35- I don't understand every jokes, i just know it's suppose to be funny so i laught, i just understand that

36- Taylor Swift is my only religion

37- I Iove more Harry styles songs than Harry styles himself, i found him arrogant and he always date problematic women, Stan Niall

38- I would do anything for Ben Barnes and Tom Hiddleston or any british men in their 40 who have a degree in literature

39- I relate to Spencer Reid in a way that nobody could ever understand

40- I love true crime, my favorite stories are about cult

41- My love for my cat is not healthy, if he died, i have to follow him

42- I alway stop watching Gilmore girls when Rory finish Chilton because i hear that she became annoying but she's one of my confort character so i don't want to see it

43- I prefer the marauders over the golden trio

44- I'm a Remus Lupin kinnie and a James Potter Simp

45- I hate Dumbledore with my whole heart i could talk about it for hours

46- I started all the young dudes, i like it but i cry at every chapter so i stoped

47- I hate my brother but if he died i would be destroyed

48- When i was little i have an obsession with panda and now i have panda everywhere in my room

49- I don't know if i want to live alone forever because i like the idea or because of any other reason

50- I alway need adults validation

51- When i was a kid i was sleeping with my socks on because i liked it but i learned that some people think it's weird so i stoped

52- I eat my cereal with no milk and i don't understand the debate, for me it always taste the same: disgusting

53- I hate touching food that isn't mine ( like when someone ask if you want to taste their meal, or if you have to clean something that someone else eat in, it's just make me want to threw up)

54- I have to sleep with no sound, if you breath a little to loud i will not be able to sleep, i'll be angry and probably hit you, one time my sister breathed too loud and i cryed

55- When i was a kid i hated turtle neck, it maked me feel like i was chocking but i learned how to support it even if it's still uncomfy

56- I hate when a shirt, a dress or a blouse show too mutch of my skin, i don't like it

57- I always wear a tank top with my t-shirt and if i don't i feel naked

58- My first panick attack was because i had a fight with my brother and my dad was yelling at me and didn't see it (i'm not mad at him)

59- When i was little i acted like i couldn't read because i was scared my mom will not read story to me anymore

60- I had my first phone at 13 but i wish i didn't

61- When i was 11 i started reading sm*t on my DS and it became an addiction, i wish everyday i forget what i read

62- I realise i was bi because of Millie Bobby Brown in Stranger things

63- I didn't realise my feminisme wasn't good until a 12yrs old insulted me in a comment section, i said thanks to her after

64- I love kids, i think they're cute and i'm jealous of their innocence so i act like i hate them

65- I want to raise a kid alone in the forest

66- I'm sure that my grandma in my dad side is a lesbian and that my mom is bisexual but have internalised homophobia

67- I hate when boomer joke about hating their husband/wife, just divorce

68- I still have my babies plush even if they're disgusting and look possessed

69- I sleep with my fairy lights on because three month ago i had a sleep paralysis

70- My parents are responsible of 80% of my insecurities and don't even know it

71- I love when it's get dark earlier in autumn/winter

72- I'm an Amy March simp

73- I just made a liste of 73 fact about me

[angelyuji]

I also love Yan!Spiderman, there will never be enough content for him ! Can I request a headcannon ? Or a blurb, whatever you prefer ? I love the amnesia trope, like the reader having long-term amnesia after an accident or whatever and yan!Spiderman swooping in, saying they have been dating for months... You may get suspicious of how flustered he gets but he knows so much about you, he can't be lying, right ? 😚

17+

cw// stalking, non-consensual picture taking, kind of kidnapping, familial neglect, car accident caused by superheroes, non-consensual kissing, non-consensual touching, forced hugs, lying, manipulation, “gatekeep, gaslight, girlboss” energy, implied murder, peter being a crybaby to guilt trip you, idk peter being gross and pervy and being a liar, toxic relationship (kind of because you’re kinda not aware of the fact that he sucks and he’s lying)

· OMGBESTIE sorry i just absolutely ADORE the amnesia trope in yandere fics GHJKJHGF

· it’s just so perfect *chef’s kiss*

· anyway

· you got into accident that totally not caused by peter…yeah, it was totally definitely the criminal’s fault …

· but i mean, why were you driving in the middle of a villain attack anyway? oh, you had to go to work?...so??? peter didn’t give you the ok?????

· right, so he’s tossing cars and trying to bring justice (or something like that) and he saw you coming, but alas, he's too late

· you see something hurtling towards your car as you stop at a red light. you squint your eyes, “oh. ha, that’s a car…wait”

· peter was only a couple feet away when he sees the truck he threw slam against the hood of your car, crumpling the hood like it’s made of aluminum foil. time moves in slow motion as peter tries to reach you. out of reflex, peter shoots his webs to move you from impact. he can feel himself move, but his mind shuts down. when he regains consciousness, you’re in his arms, passed out, but seemingly unscathed. he feels relief, then fury. peter barely noticed when the paramedics came to move you out of his arms. he turns to the villain, his whole body shaking, and launches himself at the man.

· you end up in the hospital for a brain injury that left you in a coma and peter literally never left your side. he came every day and stayed by your side until visiting hours were over, and came into your room at night as spiderman after patrol.

· the hospital staff saw him so much that they assumed you were both in a relationship, so when you woke up at night during his patrol hours, they called him first.

· they called your parents after…weird, i know

· “how do you feel?”

· “fine, i guess. tired, surprisingly” you chuckle dryly and the doctor smiles.

· “fine is good. what’s the last thing you remember?”

· “…um….i can’t… I don’t-”

· “hey, it’s okay. take your time.” the doctor tries to be reassuring, but you feel panic bubble. what’s going on, why can’t you remember what happened? what’s happening to you? your breathing turns rough and the air feels thicker as you seem to remember less and less of what you should know. all of a sudden, two arms wrap around you and pull you into them.

· “it’s gonna be okay” they mumble into your hair as you cry into their shirt.

· peter and the doctor eventually figured out that you were missing 4 years of your life. the 4 years that you’ve lived in queens, to be exact.

· peter realizes exactly what he has to do when the doctor pulls him and your family aside to explain the situation

· (they had asked him who tf he was and he, in a panic to not be kicked out, said y’all were dating)

· he offers your family a way out, a way to not take the stress of taking care of you, by letting him take care of you

· “i love them. i can’t lose them and i won’t lose them, so please, let me take care of them”

· honestly, your family was lowkey relieved that peter offered to take care of you, not even remembering that you have never mentioned this man in any conversation (who has amnesia now??)

· peter would go into your room and tell you that you’re going home with him

· “what? what about my family?”

· “they’re okay with it. they have a lot going on and, as your boyfriend-”

· “boyfriend? i’ve never seen you before in my life?”

· “no! no, we started dating when you moved to queens!" at your blank stare, he lowers his head slightly and you see tears fall, "i wish you would remember”

· peter will pull out his pictures of you saying stuff like “then how do i have these pictures?? hmm????” and fake crying to make it seem like he was your grieving boyfriend

· he’ll be constantly mentioning the fact that he’s your boyfriend to you and to others (at some point, ur confused on whether he’s trying to convince you or trying to convince himself) “as your boyfriend’ “your boyfriend” “i love being with you and going on dates haha yk since im your bf”

· he’ll make up different stories from places he’s seen you. if he stalked you while you were walking at the park, he’ll say you both went on walks often. if you went on picnics by yourself often, he’ll say you constantly had picnic dates. had a fun day at the arcade? more like, you had fun day at the arcade with peter!

· peter’s smart, he uses these events as a way of tricking your brain into thinking that each memory you recover of these moments are just moments that are missing him, and eventually, he’ll start appearing in memories

· peter would take you to his apartment and absolutely REFUSE to let you leave, he’ll have an excuse ready to make sure you can’t leave your new home

· “the doctor said you shouldn’t move too much”

· he’ll make you sleep in the same bed as him, go on dates with him, hug and kiss him like “you used to do” with the excuse of “the doctor said you should do things that you used to do before the accident to start remembering everything”

· …riiight

· “are you coming to bed?” you lay in his bed, waiting for peter.

· “i-i sorry, yes, I-” peter stumbles on his words as he stands by the bed.

· you sit up in annoyance, “peter, you said we slept together. what’s wrong?”

· peter turns bright red, “no! nothing’s wrong! it’s nothing, i-i’m coming to bed in a sec.” you lay back down and soon you feel him crawl into bed. you turn your back to him, but peter pulls you closer to him and start leaving kisses down your back.

· “what are you doing.” you whisper into the darkness. his small touches feel foreign on your skin and your body itches to move in disgust.

· “i’m helping you sleep. uh-before, i helped you fall sleep like this, maybe this’ll help you remember” peter pushes his head into the crook of your neck and holds you closer, his fingers grazing under your shirt and feeling your stomach.

· you try to move away without panicking, “maybe, we’re moving too fast? i kinda need some spa-” you feel peter freeze.

· “do-do you not love me anymore?” you feel peter’s tears before you hear his sniffles, “i didn’t want to push you, but i just missed you so much and i thought that you were starting to remember how much you love me.” his sniffles turn to sobs and you start feeling guilty. you push your discomfort away and let yourself get pulled into his warmth.

· “no, it's fine. just don’t, you know, cry please.” you press your lips into a thin line and sigh as peter stops sniffling and hums in content.

· he’ll guilt you into doing what he wants with tears and sobs about how he misses “the old you”

· funny, considering the fact that this mf basically made up his entire relationship with you because he’s literally psychotic

· your relationship would be seemingly normal too, except that all of the friends that talked about how they’ve never met peter before your accident went missing…huh, definitely no connection there…

· but by the time they inform you of their concern, it is already months after your accident and peter would have already made you believe that you were dating

· in peter’s mind, you’re everything and more than he imagined, even though you barely know him, he knows you so well that it’s easy for him to make you believe that you’re together.

· peter would tell he’s spiderman once you’ve stopped resisting him to make sure that you won’t search up your accident and see that spiderman was involved

· the only way for you to break from peter’s grip on your mind is for him to accidently confess that he’s lied to you

· and that’ll happen, peter may be good at lying, but during a fight, he might let it slip

· “I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK TO THEM.”

· “they’re my friends, peter. you can’t stop me from seeing them.” you roll your eyes when peter’s face crumples. “ugh, peter, stop with the guilt-tripping. your fake tears don’t work on me anymore.”

· peter’s face turns cold, “your friends are liars and they’ve been trying to break us up since the accident. all they say when they see me are lies.”

· you keep a straight face, “well, i know it’s a lie, so you don’t have to act like this.”

· “but-but what if you start believing them? what if you realize that you can do better than me? what if you remember everything? what if they make you break up with me? wh-” peter turns to you and sees you frozen in place. he moves towards you and pulls you into a hug, but you stay stiff.

· “what do you mean “remember”?” you whisper and peter’s eyes go wide. silence fills the room as peter says still.

· “well, shit”

-