#then Norman thinks “I think this is the situation where we are supposed to kiss” so he does

[theitalianscribe]

Norman headcannons

In life, Norman was good at doing impressions. This carried over into his cyborg/android design with a program that lets him perfect replicate people's voices.

Building off the above point, Norman wasn't originally the one doing the company tapes. That person asked too many questions and thus were needed... elsewhere. Since he already was discreet and okay with all the shady stuff, Norman was put on voiceover detail.

Norman has/had a bird.

Norman having a bird probably works better in an au, but he has this bird, maybe a parrot, maybe a budgie, and it has a yellow head and its wings and chest are the same color. I picture them as pink or purple, but I'm having trouble finding birds with that coloring. When he meets the bird, Andrew/Morris is chuckling because Norman is wearing a jacket that happens to be the same color as the bird's and they look identical.

Just. Let Norman have a pet bird!

Also I have an AU where everyone is alive and in highschool. In that one, Watchful Eye Toys exists as a research company headed by Norman's parents and he is expected to take it over. (I wanted to ramble about this in the tags but I reached the tag limit so I am adding this back here as an extra bullet point.) He gives off heir to a big company and kind of sheltered vibes.

[loveactionsspeaklouder]

we belong together - kylian mbappé and julian draxler fanfic

15| Home Truths

a/n: slightly smutty

july 2024| paris

"You have definitely got your looks from your father," Kylian grinned. He gently rocked the small baby; Isaiah Norman Mbappe was born three weeks ago, a healthy 7lb 8oz and already loved by so many people. The Frenchman placed a small kiss to his son's head, he didn't realise he could love somebody as much as he loved the tiny human in his arms. "Mummy will be home soon, I promise."

What was supposed to be a happy time for the new parents, was tarnished by the seemingly break-up of the couple. After the reveal of Molly and Kylian's affair, Rosalie fled to her parents' house, leaving her stranded fiancé and son alone. They hadn't spoken in two weeks; she would religiously video call to see her beautiful son, but there was no communication between the separated couple.

Kylian didn't know what to do. Of course, he missed the mother of his child, but he couldn't stop the growing anger building up inside of him. He was struggling to process how and why she had willingly left their newborn; as much as he loved Rosalie, he didn't know if there was any hope of continuing their engagement.

"Kylian," he turned around to face the owner of the voice. "How's the baby?"

"A handful but he's finally quiet now," he chuckled. He ushered Molly over to the couch and sat down next to her. "Do you want to hold him?"

He watched her eagerly nod, her cheeks turning a light pink. He widely grinned and placed little Isiah in the arms of his former lover. Molly tenderly traced a soft finger over his delicate cheeks. "He's beautiful Ky. You and Rosalie must be happy."

"It should have been you," Kylian interrupted. He pushed a few strands of hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek. He rested a hand on her thigh and gazed at his son, who's eyes were staring at the brunette. "He likes you," he whispered. "I meant what I said Moll, I wish it was you and I in this situation."

"Kylian, come on," Molly frowned. "I also meant what I said. Nothing is going to happen between us. I'll be your friend, but this thing we had, is over."

A week after Isaiah was born, Molly had gone to visit the happy couple unaware of the events that had happened. To say she was angry was a mere-understatement, it was the push she needed to finally end everything between the pair. Kylian hadn't taken it lightly, he was still completely in love with the brunette and wasn't willing to let her go so easily. It was when she mentioned about her growing relationship with Julian, their conversation reached boiling point. Hurtful things were said, things they both knew they didn't mean.

Kylian gazed at his son in his cot, then at Molly. "He's cute when he's asleep," she muttered. She felt the Frenchman's hands rest themselves on her waist, his breath etching closer to her neck. She twisted around and allowed them to be mouth to mouth. He pressed his lips onto hers with tenderness and passion, she wrapped her arms around his neck and allowed herself to deepen their kiss.

They kissed for a few minutes before she pulled away and rested her head against his. He traced a finger along her bottom lip and pecked her nose. "Why did that feel like a goodbye?"

"Because it was," Molly sighed. She kissed his cheek and collected her belongings, heading to the door. "It has to be," she wrapped her fingers around the handle and turned to face a star struck Kylian. "This is where our story ends; I love you, but I can't be with you. You are still my best friend and I will always be here for you, but that's as far as it goes. Goodbye Kylian."

....

july 2024| germany

The drive back to Julian's parents' house was silent. The German had taken a visit to his hometown for the weekend; making a quick stop at his family's house, he decided it was finally time to introduce them to the famous Molly Medina. But two hours into their trip, the couple were already arguing. Julian wasn't happy about the constant phone calls from Kylian, which made Molly angry that they were still arguing about a situation that had been solved.

"Can we go talk?" Julian leaned against the doorframe of the living room, gazing at the brunette, his eyes pleading. "I don't want to argue."

Molly sighed, she placed her laptop on the side table and turned to face the German. "It's your house," she blushed. She watched as he grabbed a hold of her wrist and pulled her upstairs. Julian sat down on the bed, he pulled Molly onto his lap, her legs straddling his waist. "I'm sorry. I know I'm a fuck-up, I hate hurting you. You deserve someone better."

He reached forward, placing a hand on her cheek. "Moll," he whispered, his eyes soft. "I don't want anybody else. I want you. I love you. Nothing is going to change that," he bit his lip. "I'm sorry I keep getting angry about Kylian, I just don't trust him."

"Do you trust me?" Molly spoke with a shaky voice, gazing at the handsome German from beneath her thick lashes. Julian felt his stomach warm. He didn't understand how after everything that had happened between them, he could only look at her with pure love and adoration. She softly pecked his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. "I promise you it's over."

The footballer pushed the hair out of the brunette's eyes. "Of course, I trust you," he paused and bit his lip. "I don't want to be controlling and you can be friends with whoever you want, I'm just always going to be jealous and I apologise."

Molly pouted, then gazed at her hands that were now in her lap. "You don't have to apologise," she sniffled, licking her lips and tasting her warm tears. She observed as Julian tenderly traced a finger over her wet cheeks. How can you keep hurting someone who loves you as much as him? "Do you think we'll ever be able to get past this?"

"Yes," nodded Julian, gazing up at Molly. He offered her a charming smirk and pinched her cheek, lightly pecking her nose. "All I want is for you to be happy. Your happiness, is my happiness."

"How do you know for sure?"

"Because, mein engel: when two people really care about each other, they will always look for a way to make it work, no matter how hard it is," he gently smiled. It was clear that things between them would always be difficult moving forward; but no matter how often he thought of their future, the thought of a future where she wasn't in his life, was never an option. Julian picked up Molly's hand and intertwined their fingers, squeezing her hand. "As you see," he grinned, placing a quick kiss to her lips. "We belong together."

....

august 2024| paris

Hours later and the party was still going strong. It was the weekend before the start of the new Ligue 1 season and the club had thrown a get-together for the players and the staff; it was the first official outing for Julian and Molly, whilst Kylian was still estranged from Rosalie. His head was an absolute mess; he had a new-born baby to look after, a fiancé that didn't want to speak to him and a best friend that wasn't acting like a best friend should.

After Julian and Molly's discussion in Germany, she decided it was best to stay away from the Frenchman and she managed to do that with ease. But tonight, was the biggest test; they were both drinking, it was dark and Molly was wearing a skimpy number that even Julian was finding it hard to resist.

"Moll, you look..." his voice drifted off. "You look amazing, I'm so lucky."

"Thank you," she smiled. She playfully winked in his direction; she knew how much he wanted to reach out and touch and kiss her, but she was in a teasing mood tonight. "You look alright. I guess I'm kinda lucky to."

"Watch it," he growled. His hands had been in his lap, but as she moved closer, he moved one out. He purposefully brushed it against hers, intertwining their fingers. "Follow me."

Molly gasped as Julian's hand grabbed her wrist and pulled her upstairs and into a bedroom before slamming the door shut and locking it, instantly turning around and attaching their lips. He pulled away and whispered on her lips. "I know I said we should wait, but I need you. This dress needs to come off."

She obeyed and teasingly removed the red fabric from her body, listening to the German let out a soft moan. He groaned quietly against her skin as he placed kisses along her bare body, stopping once he reached her thighs. He removed his own clothes and watched as the brunette bit her lip and ran a hand through her hair. "Stop being a tease and fuck me."

Julian responded with urgency and pressed his body onto Molly's, the bulge in his boxers coming close to the heat between her thighs. She moaned and dipped her hands inside his boxers, softly stroking his length. She watched as he broke away, panting hot air and steadying his hands on either side of her body.

His eyes gazed into hers as she squeezed and dragged her hand along his length, feeling herself throbbing harder with every stroke. "Moll," Julian breathed. "Slow down." Molly bucked her hips forward, taking one of his hands and pressing it to her centre. He applied continuous pressure to the folds hidden behind her wet panties, earning a loud moan from the brunette.

"I need you," she moaned. Two fingers stroked and circled her folds before they slid inside of her, she began to move against him as he twisted his fingers expertly inside of her. "Julian, I'm..." he interrupted her, kissing her hard. Their hands moved in sync with each other, every stroke bringing them closer to their climax.

Her eyes widened as he cried out, releasing himself into her hand. She followed seconds later, wrapping her arms around his collapsed, sweaty body. He tenderly pecked her lips, removing himself from her tiny frame and quickly getting dressed, watching as she did the same.

Julian pulled Molly closer and wrapped his arms around her waist feeling the alcohol pulsating through his veins. He felt his heartbeat speed up, patiently watching the movements of the brunette. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and prepared himself for the words he was about to speak. Four years and two months after their first meeting, he knew it was finally time. "Mein Liebling," he started. "Marry me?"

....

september 2024| paris

Molly bit her lip. It was clear that what she was about to do was a big turning point in her life. Three weeks after the PSG party, she was finally ready to answer give an answer to Julian. The German had spent the past twenty-one days restless and emotional, unsure of the answer the love of his life would give him.

The pair hadn't spoken; he had questioned, her mother and sister (who wouldn't give anything away), Freddie and Ruby (who acted as if they didn't know) and Kylian, who was furious to find out about Julian's proposal. He had called Molly countless times and only received a few replies, those being about his son.

But here she stood, gazing into the tired eyes of the footballer, ready to reveal her heart. She was hoping he would like her response, she knew the major risk she was taking and she was hoping it would pay off. "Can you just put me out of my misery?" Julian half laughed, his eyes threatening to close. "I haven't slept in three weeks and Poch is not happy."

Molly giggled and placed herself on the couch, crossing her legs and resting her hands in her lap. "Sorry," she mumbled. She watched as Julian sat down next to her, keeping an agonizingly small distance between their bodies. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her frame and trace kisses over her skin.

"Do you remember when you took me to that park for my birthday and it was because it reminded you of a memory from our time of knowing each other?" she questioned. He nodded and smiled to himself, remembering that famous day. "Well here is my first memory; it was my first time at PSG and you helped me find a parking space, you smiled at me and my heart did a somersault."

Julian wore a confused gaze, wondering where Molly was going with this. He wasn't used to her wearing her heart on her sleeve, it was something he had been trying to a few years now. And it had finally worked. "I had never felt that emotion before and I was with Adam, supposedly in love," she continued. She moved closer and intertwined their fingers, placing a tender kiss to his cheek. "I had no clue that you would become who you are now, the most important person in my life."

He watched as a single tear fell down her cheek, he delicately wiped it away and pecked her nose. "Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am that you chose me," Molly whispered. The tears started to fall rapidly down their cheeks, slight laughter from the pair when they realised how emotional they both had become.

Julian took a deep breath and started to speak. "We've been through so much together Moll, but I never want to be the guy holding you back," he smiled. "I want to be the one by your side and it won't always be easy, but I want to do whatever it takes to make this work," he paused and pecked her lips, pulling her in for a tight hug. He cupped her cheeks and stroked her cheek. "Because that is what you do when you love someone."

Molly was sure that this emotion would last forever. They had been through a lot over the past four years and they still always found a way back to each other, no matter what the hurdle was. Julian knew when they first ended things that they would reunite; he had never felt emotions like he did with Molly, every day their love grew to a new strength. "So, the answer to your question, is," she brightly grinned. She stood up and walked together, towards the window, wrapping her arms around the German. She put a hand on his cheek, slightly tilting it towards her. She closed her eyes to compose herself, ready to speak the one word she had been wanting to say for three weeks. She had only ever had one answer; no matter what lifetime, what country, it would always be the same...

....

a/n: so that is it - it's OVER!!! but don't worry i have an epilogue.

i just want to start by saying thank you for following me with these two books, i have enjoyed my time writing them and i am very happy you are all enjoying them.

thank you to each and every one of you who have liked, commented - i see all your comments and i love them all! <3

back to the story - now i know y'all were hoping for a kylian ending but i am sorry.. hey the book is a kylian/julian joint one ;-) but you never know... you know i like my surprises, so wait for the epilogue!

so the epilogue... it will have to be posted after i get back from my holiday, i might post something whilst i'm away. the epilogue will be a four-part story (followed with of course, instagram captions) this will fully round off the story and end it.

as always, thank you and i'll speak soon xxx

[jessefandomunited]

Hands Off

A new guy joins your writing group and ends up going off on you for no reason luckily spencer is there to save the day

this is a fic based off this toxic guy in a group i’m it i was re reminded of the situation and felt like writing a fic where Spencer Reid just beats the crap out of him, enjoy

I had started in a new literary/ writing group, it was lovely , we even had a nice group chat that everyone was able to be in and discuss how theyre books were going as well as just joke around and have a good time. Me and Spencer went as often as our job allowed and even thought he wasn’t in the group chat I often relayed the goings on of the day. It was fun and we made tones of new friends, till he showed up Norman. He was new in the group but had apparently been in groups all over the globe and wrote a few novels that no one seemed to know of. We didn’t mind him and neglected to tell him about our group chat, till one of the other guys added him, apparently they were old friends. I typically only glance at the groups chat but I noticed that it was going wild. I saw it was all from Norman , spamming the group with the worst pictures that I think were supposed to be funny but they were not at all. To break up the garbage I decided to say something in the chat, I discussed the thought of us opening a maid cafe to earn more money for the group as a joke. Soon everyone was laughing and adding joke answers like “ hey what a coincidence I have five made outfits already”. Then Norman spoke up “ NO ONE WILL TAKE US SERIOUSLY IF WE DO THIS YOU LOSERS” No one even flinched and we kept talking and joking and someone even told us an update on his story. I kept glancing at the door, Spencer went to pick up something and wasn’t back yet, for some reason I wanted him close I felt a sense of foreboding. Suddenly the chat started pinging again. I looked down and say him again . He had started a rant , about this group. He began telling the organizers that they’d never get more people with the way they were running this thing. I was in shock no one was responding and I had to say something. “ hey Bret and Julie are doing a great job with this group I respect them for the work they put in,” I said, and all hell broke loose. “ You bitch what do you know about literature you look like youre in highschool can you even read, maybe if this group isn’t good enough for you try to get into the one at cambridge oh wait you cant,” He snapped. I was in shock, I had done nothing to this guy. “Dude what’s your damage ,” I asked, my heart was now pounding and I felt like I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. “ YOU’RE MY DAMMAGE YOU DUMB BITCH, YOU’RE SUCH A LOSER, Anyways I have to drive I can’t talk anymore,” He finished. I was hyperventilating and I felt tears prick my eyes. I noticed he had been removed from our group chat and a flood of people were asking me if I was okay. I heard the door open, “ Hey i’m back...what’s wrong.” Spencer instantly dropped the bags and went over and gave me a hug. I felt silly but I broke down crying and through stuttering breaths I explained the situation. He held me tightly the whole time and I could tell he was shaking with rage.

Deciding to go to group again was a toss up. I felt nervous if he was there even though the heads of the groups assured me that he was now banned. We decided that if we saw him we would leave period end of story. The group went fine and it made me let my guard down a bit. As we were leaving I told Spencer to wait while I went to the bathroom really quick. I didn’t even realize what I was doing till I felt a hand grab my arm. He flung me around , “ YOU BITCH YOU GOT ME BANNED YOU’RE DONE FOR NOW.” He roughly pushed me to the ground and I started screaming . He picked me up and pinned me to the wall covering my mouth roughly. Then in a blink of an eye he was off me, and yelling. I looked over just in time to see Spencer knock Normans head against the ground before putting him in handcuffs. “ How,” I asked weakly. “ I had a feeling I brought them just in case , the police are coming,” Spencer said fuming. The police took Norman away and I ran over to hug Spencer who was still a bit steamy. His mood softened as I entered his embrace, “ thank you Spence I love you more than you even know.” He tilted my chin up and kissed my forehead, “ Id do anything to protect you .” I hugged him again my tears drenching his shirt I was so grateful to have this amazing guy to protect me.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

10x18 - TTD Clues

Okay, let’s talk TTD. Usually I just have like 4-5 talking points from TTD, but there was a LOT in this episode. And, let’s face it. Given that it’s the Leah episode, there’s lots to discuss anyway. But everything in TTD just backs up what I’ve already said. Namely, that Leah and Daryl are NOT soulmates. And that there’s a lot of Beth symbolism and foreshadow here.

So, let’s just dive right in.

1)    Despite Chris calling it a “powerful relationship” in the intro (thanks a lot, Chris), when Nicole Mirante-Matthews, the writer, starts talking about it, it’s much better. She says this Leah thing will be relevant to a lot of things moving forward, including Connie. Which I take to mean that this affected his mindset and will probably change how he approaches things we’ll see in his story. 

She says that these were two lost souls, who happen to meet at a specific place and time and sort of crash together. That specifically suggests that it’s not a long-term thing. It’s more of a rebound and they were both lonely, and that’s why it happened. Then she says that this will affect things “reverberating forward into his present day story, which we’re rolling out here.” Because we understand the Bethyl template, and that Beth will be returning soonish, that just screams Beth to me.

2)    Chris talks about the grave marker Daryl looks at and how it’s kind of a fake out, as many people (who hadn’t read spoilers) would assume it was Leah’s grave. I talked about this Monday, and how it reminded me of the Beth/Tyreese fake out. I got that from TTD. Because I’d already read spoilers, the idea of that being mistaken for Leah’s grave wouldn’t have occurred to me.

And of course if she’s a hallucination, the grave marker may even be Leah’s. 

3)    Chris also mentioned massive time gaps. Now, he’s talking about the six-year time gap in which Leah happened, but still. I felt like the way he said it is to remind us that there are time gaps that have to be explained at some point, *coughs missing 17 days*

4)    Fun fact: the puppy’s name is Carl. Now, I can’t REALLY point to that as a TD thing, because the puppy’s name really is Carl. But I couldn’t help but wonder if THEY named the dog that. And even if not, they still felt the need to mention it here. I’m side-eyeing a little. Only because there are such strong symbolic ties between Carl’s death and Beth’s return. But hey, take it or leave it. Just my TD brain working overtime.

5)    They mentioned the map in the “in memoriam.” So, you know how I said yesterday that Map = Beth. Yeah, they actually treat Map as a lost character here. I’m just saying.

6)    Denise Huth’s pre-taped interview talks about a “lightening” for Daryl. Uuummmm. I don’t want to go into this in too much detail here, but this is part of the eclipse symbolism. Okay, I’ll just run through it super fast, but I’ll probably do a post in more detail later. Beth = sun. In an eclipse, the sun is hidden by the moon. So it’s the “what is hidden” or “what is not seen” theme. Some of the sun’s light is still seen around the edges of the moon (think of that as the symbolism that seeps out) but the sun itself (Beth) is still hidden. Gimple described Coda using the word “penumbra” which is the darkest part of the shadow thrown during an eclipse, and Maggie told Glennin 5x10, “This is just the dark part.” If things are getting lighter, it’s because the eclipse is almost over. The darkest part of the shadow has passed and things are getting lighter. And that’s actually what we see in the eclipse scene with Daryl and Leah. The eclipse being almost over and the sun starting to peek through. So this is all just another way of saying Beth is about to appear.

7)    There’s a point where Lynn Collins suggests that maybe we would have seen a Daryl/Leah kiss if not for Covid restrictions, but the writer immediately corrects her and says it was a creative choice. She sights reasons such as the fans being protective of Daryl and not trying to piss them off too much, but that seems very significant to me. I think they didn’t want to show Leah and Daryl kissing (even though the sex implication is there) because they’re saving that for someone else.

8)    At one point, talking of Daryl and Carol’s fight, MMB mentioned the scene in S2 where they fought over Sophia. Just seemed significant to me that she brought that up, because that’s basically ground zero for the missing girl theme, and the first person we saw Daryl searching for. Now, this entire episode, he’s searching for Rick, and it’s full of Beth themes.

9)    Back to the map. I said Monday I would go back to the opening scene where Carol picked up the piece of the map and put it in Daryl’s bag. I never did. Lol. Sorry about that. I threw a LOT of info at you and totally forgot to go back to it. Just keep in mind that this was probably a foreshadowing, and Map = Beth. And they specifically brought that scene up on TTD and drew attention to it, though of course they talked about it in the context of Daryl and Carol.

The other thing that several people have brought up is that map seems to be destroyed, and then whole again. I suppose I just thought he got a new map when I first watched the episode. Now, I agree with other that the state of the map is one of many ways they were hinting that parts or all of this is a hallucination. And again, they drew attention to the map on TTD.

10) When Chris asked the writer what the inspiration was for Carol’s “strong right foot” story, she got REALLY flustered. Now, that’s definitely TD symbolism. Related to the “missing foot/shoe” symbolism, in my opinion. In fact, if they’re synonymous (we’re just not entire certain yet) then this would definitely be a reference to both Beth and Ezekiel being missing. But anyway. The writer finally came up with how and why she had Carol tell the story of her grandmother. And I’m not saying it was a lie. The grandmother story is much more incidental than the “strong right foot” bit. But I don’t think Nicole expected that question or was prepared for it.

11) They did talk extensively about parallels between Leah and Carol, and I had to chuckle at what was said. They were just doing a lot of back-pedaling. So, first they said they are two completely different characters. Then they said they share a lot of qualities that Daryl recognizes. Then they say his relationship to Leah in the flashbacks is absolutely nothing like his relationship to Carol, both in the present and as it has been for many years. Did you catch all that? It’s their way of pointing out the parallels between Leah and Carol, but also taking care to make sure people know that Daryl and Carol are NOT romantic the way Daryl and Leah are. Lol. This is why I say its kind of the death knell for that ship. But again, why put parallels between Leah and Carol if the romance angle isn’t there? For the answer, read my very long analysis from yesterday.

12) On the “Inside the Dead” portion, it says that the breed of dog they use for Dog is often used for Military and Police K-9 Unites. Yeah, that’s purposeful. I think they specifically chose that breed of Dog to use on the show as Daryl/Leah’s dog, because it both calls back to Grady (police) and foreshadows the CRM (military).

13) Norma’s interview! Yay! This might have been my favorite part of TTD. Because the way he describes Daryl’s arc here makes it clear that it was one chapter of Daryl’s life that is now over. And what he says about Daryl being unable to allow himself to be happy with Leah says to me that he’s still hung up on someone else.

This probably made me happier back when I thought Leah was real. But the other thing is that he specifically uses a Matrix metaphor (the red pill vs the blue pill.) Umm? The red pill vs the blue pill situation in the Matrix is what brought Neo out of the construct and into reality. This is Norman’s very obvious way of telling us that Leah isn’t real. Daryl is in the Leah Matrix in this episode.

14) When speaking of the arm that Leah throws at Daryl, they said something really interesting. My fellow theorists and are still batting around ideas for what the arm symbolism might mean. But MMB called it “dead weight” that Leah was basically getting rid of. And they all agreed that symbolically that was true. So the arm represented Leah getting rid of the dead weight of her past and working through it. Wow. Where to start with this?

If she were real, that just shows that this is all this relationship was. Once she’d worked through her own losses, she wanted Daryl to commit to her, but he couldn’t. Because he hadn’t worked through his. Plus, a relationship built on this sort of thing, as I’ve already described, is never going to last in the long term. But of course, assuming she’s a hallucination, this is really just Daryl trying to work through his issues and shed his past. It doesn’t really work. 

Dead Weight is literally the name of the episode in 4b where the Governor was a MASSIVE Beth proxy.

Shedding one’s tragic past while in a little cabin in the woods, with DARYL, is pretty much the synopsis of Still. So, it just backs up the symbolic retelling of Bethyl.

All right. That’s what I got for TTD. Anyone see anything I missed?

[maskedprepperkid]

You all wanted the Sads. You’re getting the Sads!

@naddynyy​, @argetlam007​, @team-trash-panda​, @dirty-higgs-confessions​,

If you’re like me and so good at melee that Higgs basically didn’t even get in any damage till he choked Sam, then this might be especially interesting for you because turns out he can do quite a few things if you let him. He can even bite off a chunk of Sam’s ear. Who would’ve thunked. Look, he never stood a chance, the moment he dropped his gun It. Was. Over. For our bastard man.

The first thing you can notice in his final fight is that he ducks when he evades Sam’s punches. Let’s have a look.

Okay, that’s- He didn’t get hit so that’s good. Or bad. Depending on how you look at this, but let’s backtrack a bit here. Higgs ducks? And not just a little, he almost kisses the tar. *smooch* But... that just strikes me as werid. The game uses motion-capture so there’s a good chance Troy and Norman had to act a chunk of this fight out. So someone who knows how fighting works explain to me why the hell Mr. 6′3″ has to duck for tiny Norman?? Wouldn’t it be more efficient for Higgs to evade to the side or block Sam’s punches? What he’s doing here seems like too much effort for someone so big and strong, consideirng that Higgs has the additional advantage of his height so, shouldn’t blocking and evading be easier for him than Idk doing anything but that??

It’s weird, but okay. He’ll live. He didn’t get hit. So whatever, I guess, but you may be asking yourself the same question as I did after thinking that. Does Higgs... block? Surely he blocks at some point in the fight, it would be ridiculous if he didn’t haha. But he doesn’t. Higgs never once blocks a single punch Sam throws at him. He either tries to duck or takes it. There’s no in between for him. None. - And right now we’re just gonna try and remember that as we move forward in his fight.

At some point, Higgs will do what i think we all decided is our favourite thing about the fight and I’ve dubbed the Grapple Hug. Here’s a picture.

THIS COMPLETELY SENSELESS MOVE WHERE HE’S TRYING TO IDK SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF SAM?! What the hell is supposed to be threatening about this?

Take a look at the position of his body for a moment. Take a look at his shoulder placement. Higgs didn’t mean to hug Sam, that just... sort of happened because of how long his arms are now. He barrelled right into Sam, shoulder first. Classic move to try and push somebody over or throw them off balance. Cool, so that makes somewhat more sense now. Still looks a little weird though. I mean, I bet there are easier ways for someone of Higgs’ size and weight to push somebody over or off balance.

Weight and size. Weight and size, huh?

If Higgs was half his size and weight that move would make so much sense. Even the fact that’s basically hugging Sam in that scenario because the arms of a kid often don’t reach that far. He’d just be trying to get some distance between them. Kids don’t have anything other than their own body weight if they try to do some damage in a fight against someone bigger and badder. Just throw your everything against them and hope for the best. Probably doesn’t do a lot but might make you feel better about the situation.

Oh wait, that also explains why he ducks because down is so much easier when you’re small and up against someone taller. Their punch is very likely going to miss.

He does another thing if you depleat a lot of his health and allow him to munch a cryptobiote, he will not punch Sam to gain the upper hand for the moment and get his food, he’ll just shove Sam’s face away. Which also strikes me as something that kids are more prone to do in a fight.

Higgs fights like he’s half his size and weight. Higgs fights like he’s still a kid fending off yet another beating. That’s why he’s not exactly doing what we might expect him to in that fight.

And eventually it leads to this.

It’s the exact moment before Sam can headbutt his lights out temporarily. It’s also the moment Higgs has given up. And you can see it in his body language, his shoulders are slumped and his head just hangs down and he does nothing more than to sway slightly. He doesn’t even try to move his head when Sam headbutts him.

After that Sam drags him to the shore of the tar puddle and Higgs once again affirms that he’s given up his fight against Sam. Not only that, but he basically gives Sam full permission to either kill him, lock him up or whatever the hell else he’s planned for him. It doesn’t matter what, but as long as Sam is the one to do it Higgs has accepted his defeat.

He’s clearyl expecting something here. Although it’s not specified what, we can guess that he’s telling Sam to exact his justice, or more likely in Higgs’ eyes punishment. Either way I’m convinced that if Fragile wouldn’t have shown up Higgs would’ve been a poster boy all throughout the ending.

Cause here’s the thing. He didn’t try to start shit again till Fragile showed up and they started bickering. She wasn’t part of his giving-up-equation and his reaction shows it. He was willing to surrender to Sam, but not to her.

And yet when Sam gets around to tying him up one final time, while he visibly isn’t comfortable (sore muscles and bruises galore I reckon), he doesn’t stop him. He doesn’t even try to run even though Sam only ties his hands behind his back. He just sits there like a good little duckling. Not happy with what’s going on, but glaring really is his worst offence during these moments. He doesn’t even get up to stand, although he does make an effort to keep his back straight instead of slumping down. Might, however, also have something to do with how Sam tied him up. Dunno.

So overall, Higgs can’t fight. Please God, nobody let him into MULE territory without at least a sticky gun, he’ll get his ass handed to him quicker than you can yell his name, because he seems to think to fight means to fend of a beating. Somebody give him a hug.

And because this was all sorts of horrible let’s finish it with my favourite quote from the game. Even Sam thought it was funny.

[chaostheparrot]

Radio Static Mind

AO3 version here: (link)

Tumblr version under cut:

1 The Prophet had no idea who wrote these messages.

Among the pleas begging to go home, accusations scrawled across the walls, there was an arrow pointing to his immediate left. He probably wouldn't have found it at all had he not been scrounging for tools for Alice. While searching through the crates he'd brushed his hand against it, the ink sending gut—churning shivers through him. Cautiously, gently, he'd traced out the shape, until he was certain of its direction.

The arrow was rather large, as most other writings were; the Prophet had found it hidden behind one of the crates stacked against the wall. To his dismay, however, he found a utility shaft that housed only cobwebs, not so much as a cog in sight. Out of curiosity, or perhaps just to humor himself, The Prophet dipped a finger into the wet ink dripping down his body and drew a crude doodle of a cog on the wall above where the arrow hid, and a question mark. He returned to Alice empty—handed that time.

Sometime later, he returned to that same level, only this time without an errand. The arrow and the utility shaft had since been forgotten, so he could be forgiven for jumping, startled by the small pile of cogs sitting atop the crate, a large arrow painted on the wall above, pointing to them.

"You really weren't kidding me." Alice sighed, when he brought her down from her hideaway. "Did they leave anything else? A message?" The Prophet looked away sheepishly. "I didn't think to check." "Did you go down there at all?" "Er—no." Alice rolled her good eye and turned on her heel. "Leaving the work to me, again." She teased, and started down the stairway. "Stay close, the lights are all out for the next level or so." The Prophet hurried to catch up to her, boots thumping and thunking in comparison to her feather—light steps.

Keeping a firm grip on each other's wrists, they proceeded down the levels, The Prophet focusing in for any sounds of leaking ink or rogue Butcher Gang clones. On the third flight, finally, there was light, and the end of the shaft. The Prophet kept guard as Alice searched the area. "Do you think it's the same person from before? Who made the maps?" "No, that was Allison and Tom. I expect they've moved on by now. It could be the one who marked the stash of vinyls." "Maybe." The Prophet hummed. "Damn it." Alice swore under her breath. The Prophet felt his heart sink. "What's wrong?"

Above Alice's head hung a faded sign reading "Level 14", and the abyss sprawled out ahead of her.

"It's flooded. There's no way except back up." "Do you see any wall circles down there?" The Prophet offered. "We could try to portal to a drier area." No, just one of the old projectors. This would be the perfect time to have Henry with us" The Prophet remembered him vaguely, in his younger years before the ink, the aging man who'd left to wander the studio with Boris. Curious man, but probably long gone by then. "We'll have to find another way, maybe if we can get the lift working again..." With that she took his arm again, and they returned to the darkness.

Sammy Lawrence had never formally met the studio's Projectionist, despite working so closely with the man. Sometimes it seemed he was the only one who hadn't.

"So he lifts Wally by the waist and they're spinning around the break room—oh you should have seen it, they're just too cute together." Susie tittered, hanging lightly on the music director's arm. He had to admit she was right: just hearing about their happiness together was enough to tickle him pink, though he only let it show through a small grin.

"So, are you busy after—" "SUSIE HELP ME—" Wally cut her off, bursting into the office like a bat out of hell and looking just as horrified. "Norman wants to meet up for drinks Saturday night and l said yes!" Sammy blinked. "That's...bad?" "No! My problem's what am l supposed to wear? l ain't done this dating thing in a while, then again l was never an expert at it before, what do you even wear to go out drinking anyway? Is this some sorta dinner thing where you gotta—" Between Susie's squeal of excitement and Wally's motormouth, Sammy cringed and covered his ears. "Don't worry about a thing, l know the perfect outfit for these situations. Sammy, wanna help?" "Huh?" He partly uncovered an ear. "Do you wanna come help me help Wally?" "Oh—no, l can't, Joey asked me to stay after." "Aw. I'll see you Monday, then." With that she led Wally out, both of them practically bouncing as they went, though one was with pure excitement whereas the other was pure nerves. Not long after, Henry came into the office to kiss Sammy goodnight, told him to clock out at a decent time, then he too left for the evening.

The clock seemed to taunt him as it ticked away, and Sammy was on the verge of tearing his hair out. He loathed the silence, but not nearly as much as that damn ticking. He needed noise, he needed music, radio static, any thing—

Mumbling outside the door. Sammy trained in on the sound, trying to identify who it was. He got little snippets of the conversation.

"So you wrap this box here and see— no sparking." Thomas Connor? Yes!, Sammy reminded himself, he was here to do maintenance on some wiring. And another— " —the insulator, see, it's the same they use in—" Norman? It made sense, after Sammy thought a moment. He did man the projectors, of course he'd have some knowledge of...electrical things. Which Sammy clearly did not, he chastised himself. Electrical things, indeed.

They continued talking, then a laugh from both of them, and Sammy could no longer make out what they were saying. Still, the background hum of their voices soothed him, and he was back to work.

[drennalynspast]

[ My First Relationship / First Breakup ]

Saturday, Apr. 27, 2013 - 6:31 a.m.

Today..well..13 hours ago, I experienced my first breakup.  It was from a man who happened to be my first boyfriend and first relationship.  We are both 24 years old. 

The Beginning: I met “andy” on okcupid.  I was at a point in my life where I felt sexually frustrated.  I wanted to cure an itch, at the same time I was willing to be open to the idea of trying to have a boyfriend and be in a relationship.   Okcupid allowed me to create a profile and sift through particular wants, needs and interests I had in other people who also were hopefully more compatible with me.  It was the beginning of a new year.  January 2013.  New experience.  new discoveries.  Carpe diem.

This one individual stood out to me on okcupid.  We seemed to talk so easily through chat. We eventually exchanged numbers and texted each other for a week before we decided to meet up in person at a sushi restaurant.  It was my first “real date” too.

He had a wild life in his past. He said that he matured more now.  He is in grad school: vocational rehab counseling.  He has a job and is self sufficient at paying his own bills and living on his own. He likes mmos, particularly WoW, doing outdoor activities, keeping up with sports and reading news. He was a very intellectual and introspective person. He was also atheist or agnostic.  He also believed in not wanting children which was a huge plus for me.  He was also a sexual deviant in the sense that he had tried a lot of things and was willing to try new things in the future.  I also was impressed how he was so strict on having a workout schedule and tried to keep fit and take care of his body.  

At the date we were nervous, eventually loosened up a little. We talked a lot. We had a lot of interests and similarities in preferences/morals together. He seemed too good to be true.  At some point later on during the night at my place, he asked to kiss me. I made a further to attempt to be more into and start grinding him. Obviously I was craving sex. He didn’t resist and we attempted intercourse.  He was struggling to get a full erection throughout the night since he wasn’t quite comfortable with me yet on an emotional level. 

I wasn’t bothered. We laid naked in bed and just talked throughout the endless hours of the night and attempted sex again. He left at 10:30 am in the morning. We did not sleep at all. we couldn’t sleep.  It was a passionate and exciting night.  Meeting someone for the first time and just ..yeah getting to get to have sex again from a 3 year dry spell.

After that, the next time we met, I was over at his place.  We had sex first thing (after I showered) when he saw me.  We hung out, talked, played games.  I think a week after our first date, he asked if I could be his girlfriend. I said yes.  And now, April 25th Friday, what we [didn’t] have is over.

________________________________________________________________

The Middle: We hung out, did things together:  experienced eating new foods and activities. He showed me new places, I showed him new places.  We played games together.  Even when we weren’t playing the same mmo, I still sat by next to him playing my own game and doing my own thing. In the beginning we were sexually into each other.  I guess that is like any new relationship. You just want to fuck the other person’s brains out and explore their body.  It was an exciting feeling.  He sometimes felt overwhelming where he actually wanted it way more than I could handle. I believe it was like 6-7 times of sex I had most at one day.  That doesn’t count all the blowjobs either.   I was in consistent pain.  My vagina was being stretched out more since it hasn’t been exposed to that length of dick before and I must’ve tightened up since not having sex for 3 years So yeah, I felt raw, sore, some blood here and there and I couldn’t experience keep up with him and his pleasure needs. I was fine though.  I enjoyed being around him. (though sexually frustrated I couldn’t enjoy as much)

I started nuvaring birthcontrol in February.  At the end of the first ring cycle, I began to bleed constantly. I have been bleeding for literally about 2 months straight and still have been bleeding up until now.  I think it is a side effect of the ring, but I read about how it is supposed to subside after a while since my hormones were still adjusting.  Anyway, because of the bleeding, he couldn’t access my vagina that much as far as oral or fingering.  I wouldn’t let him as much and I felt embarrassed.  I didn’t mind still having vaginal intercourse though.  He wanted his dick sucked on/ face fuck me a lot more. I felt like I was rejecting him more of his requests more often.  I think part of me was the way he just was blatant about expressing  his desires and made no effort to really try to “soften” me up to make me in the mood to where I felt aroused and wanted to do it eagerly/willingly.  I expressed my concerns about how I wish he could be more affectionate/romantic with me, and it would make it easier for me to be more willing. He then said it wasn’t in his persona to work to do that. Like he grudged having to dance around the point and put effort. 

He also started smoking pot again; he said he was going to finish it all by 4/20. He still have some leftovers, and said he was not going to buy anymore after that.  Obviously I haven’t stuck around him longer than this period to see if he lived up to his word. I was bothered that he even took up smoking pot (even if temporarily) again after his 6 month quit.  I felt like he sorta changed in the sense that when he started smoking it again, he was less productive in terms of keeping his priorities in line, going to work consistently and having a consistent workout schedule. He kind of neglected sticking to his regimen because he felt more lazy?  I think that is when I also noticed the sex to kinda, I dunno, be less than what it used to be.

Sometimes I would ask myself, am I ready to love him?, though in the back of my mind I felt some sort of distance between us as far as intimacy and affection goes.  I was passive and I was expecting him to do more for me or just be there more for me on some things.

I felt like we were still okay. We never yelled or treated each other like shit.  I wasn’t a total bitch to him nagging at him all the time.  There were some small things that bothered me, but I held it in and didn’t get on to him.  We never had any argumentative differences to where we just loathed being next to each other. It didn’t get to that point.  This Wednesday, I hung out with jack and his boyfriend. I told him my perception and feelings on how I felt my relationship was going, asking questions.  But in the end, I thought we were doing fine and nothing really got in the way of us not being together anymore.That is how I perceived things were.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The End/ Aftermath: On Friday, around 9:30 am, he texted me asking if I wanted his cock in my lil pussy during his lunch break.  I said, “yes!”.  He came over, we fucked.  After that, he left to go back to work.  We had plans to see each other again in the night.  I was going to go down to see him in Norman. I was going to spend the night and we would attend the Norman Music Festival on Saturday.   Because I work night shift, I had to sleep a little more in the afternoon before I got ready to pack etc.  It was still 6:30 pm and I was still in bed. I was still tired and trying to squeeze some extra sleep in.   I was starting to try to force myself to get up, but still lay in bed.

I heard the door open to my apartment. Andy came in.  I wasn’t expecting him to immediately come over to my place after work.  I didn’t mind and was excited to see him again. He came in my room. He immediately started talking and the words that came out of his mouth, “I’ve been doing some thinking. I need this relationship to end. “  The first thoughts that came in my mind were, what the fuck!? Huh? I asked him if he was serious. He said, “yes”.  I felt like I did something wrong. He assured me that there was nothing “wrong” on my part that was the reason.  Like there weren’t any flaws about me and that he simply said, “I still don’t feel like we are connecting.”  There was no connection between us, he came to the conclusion. He contemplated the thought about breaking up 3 weeks ago.. or a month he told me. But he kept trying to wait or felt guilty.  He finally came to the decision to end it that night with me.  He was waiting for a feeling to emerge between us, but evidently it never occurred.  He said it was for the best to end it now so we both won’t get more hurt later on when we were around longer.  He also mentioned that he felt like we were more friends and our relationship was based on the premise on sexual activity.

I feel in shock, surprised, caught completely fucking unaware he would even break up with me at this point.  I feel like in disbelief. My body felt numb, weak, and shaking.  Is this really happening? Please tell me more. Please give me more fucking answers. But he said that with situations like this, we can’t nitpick everything and pinpoint things.  When it comes to trying to develop a connection or feeling with someone, sometimes you can’t work to obtain it, to force it to arrive.  I didn’t want to lose him. I hate losing him. But I understood what he was saying. I couldn’t force him to drag himself in this relationship further.  I couldn’t bear to bring myself to beg for him to stay.  I wish he could stay, but I couldn’t verbalize that I wanted him to toss his ideas aside and try.  Of course I suggested that if he told me he felt no feelings earlier, we could have tried harder. He said it would only make the relationship feel more estranged, uneasy and not go further.

I am in denial that it couldn’t work between us.  But at the same time, maybe I knew it wasn’t blossoming into something further, but I felt too complacent, too scared to lose that feeling of having someone around to just be there for me all the time.  I’m afraid of the idea of losing a regimen a consistency in my life. But am I really afraid of actually losing him,  Andy?

Most people hate being alone.  We crave affection, intimacy, not even that, but just having a consistent closeness with someone whom we can share our experiences daily.  I tell myself:  I need to make myself happy instead of relying on others to make me feel good.  I forget that a lot about myself, Andy had to remind me that night that I am my own priority.  

He was a good guy in the end.  We never said we loved each other or felt that way. I am still a novice when it comes to figuring out my feelings and emotions with someone. But I felt like that would be something that would grow more over time.  I felt like we were able to have more time to find out.   He felt like it would be better to end it now before time was wasted and nothing got better. Though,  I was still sorta peeved how just the whole Friday, he just fucked me earlier that day and then later on came back to say he wanted to break up with me.  

We had a long talk about things. He sat next to me trying to comfort me. Answer any questions or give insight about things.  There are still a lot of things I wonder about. I tell myself that there must be something wrong with me. It is my fault and I could have been the one to make things better if only I had known.  And I hate myself for not being a good enough person for him to want to keep me.  He still tried to assure me that there was nothing wrong with me. Sometimes I wonder if he is saying that to try to spare my feelings. I also think about questions about if he is truly over his ex that he was in a 3 year relationship, and that hindered his progression with me and trying to develop feelings.

I made him delete all the naughty pics and videos of me from his phone and computer. I made sure to see that he delete them in front of me. I also deleted the stuff of his videos from my laptop as well.  He packed up his remaining stuff at my place.  We exchanged our final thoughts and words.  He gave me a couple of sweet kisses for the last time. For the first time, I realized, it seemed like he made those kisses actually mean something or have emotion in them compared to the other kisses I got in the past.  For once (in a long time), I felt an emotional kiss, but it is also painful to know those would be my last from him.   

A million thoughts race in my mind constantly. I want it to stop. I want the pain to go away.  I ask questions about what if, what could have been done differently.  My mind is struggling to accept it, to move on. Mentally I understand what is going on, but I cannot bring myself to emotionally feel at peace right now.  First day of surviving a breakup, I don’t expect things to get better overnight.  

I think about scenarios about him asking to take me back or even Andy just texting me something to see how I am doing.  I have random moments of the warm memories I had with someone. I then realize that I can no longer have that kind of memory with that person anymore.

I try to go to sleep. I wake up a couple hours later and realize,  I’m alone now.  I’m single now. I’m fucking alone with no one.  I get in a panic.  It hurts. it hurts so much.  I cry so much. It’s hard. It’s difficult trying to recover, to accept, to move on.   The knife has already penetrated my heart, but I am feeling the bleeding sucking out my life and energy ever so slowly and painfully.

I talked on the phone with my two best friends. They gave me their opinions.  Jack said how he felt like Andy wasn’t going to be the one with me, and how it probably wouldn’t have lasted long. He said how on our meeting Wednesday that I had a hint of unhappiness.  He also tried to cheer me up and encourage me that the next guy I meet, it will be better than the previous one.  

I need to stop thinking of things that I shouldn’t have done or could do to salvage the relationship. It just causes more convoluted thoughts.  Granted, maybe there were some things that could have been different or changed, but there is no definite answer. Sometimes I think if I moved too fast just jumping into the sexual activity and then subconsciously forcing a built relationship foundation to justify being constant with that.  I have no regrets on what I did. I realize that everyone is different. I hear stories about how people just fuck for while and then something grows more between them.  

Sometimes I think with my approach to sex first, I would eliminate forced feelings with someone so early.  The whole idea of holding out sex for a month and then finally having sex with someone for the first time after that then you convince yourself you are in love with them or have feelings.  But it’s just the elated feelings and excitement about the sex perhaps.  

Perhaps I will try to take a different approach and wait for the sexual activity later in the dating scene.  I now feel like I feel more intimidated when it comes to meeting new people. Will I ever meet a good guy like andy again who exhibits a lot of the qualities I am looking for?  How can I compete with an ex who has had a better connection and made someone feel like they were in complete heavenly love before? What can/should I do better?  Not only do I have to find a guy who is good to me in the sense of treating me well and being faithful, but I have to find someone who I can experience a deeper connection with and love.  This shit is hard.  I wish I could experience what love feels like but love should never be rushed.

Of course I need to try to be single for a while.  I need to heal.  It just. fucking. Hurts. Being. Rejected.  I was the first one of his exes in which he was the one to make the decision to leave the girl first.  It makes me feel like I was the inferior one in the end. I was inadequate.  He said that I exhibited several appealing qualities that were better than his exes, but he just didn’t give him a feeling of connection.  I feel so defeated. Like since I was the first one for him to breakup with it must mean something about me. I wasn’t that good enough. I feel like I was a terrible girlfriend.  But  I know I am not.  

I know that someday I will find someone better. It just sucks, not knowing, just waiting. The uncertainty. The doubt.  I will feel better about this over time. I know in the end, Andy did me a favor by backing out now before things hurt even more between us. There are no lingering feelings of animosity or grudges, just pain and hurt of being let go.

I need to be my own person, focus on myself.  Make myself be happy. I need to accept who I am. Eventually I will learn to let go.   

Goodbye Andy. Thank you for giving me my first relationship experience in life.   Thank you for letting me in your life and accepting me.  Even if it was for 4 months;  It was a good run. I have no regrets.  I'm glad that I still have respect for you in the end.

[dreamingformuses]

i’m uhhhh back on my bullshit

mostly inspired by one of @agib-2002 ‘s anons asking about peter being taken but for a long period of time and here’s my take on that. 

bio!dad au. peter is about 7-8

-------

When he was born, Peter Stark was Tony’s entire life. He was the pride and joy of the Starks, and the media fell in love with him. Everything was perfect, until Peter’s fourth birthday, when he disappeared without a trace. Tony called every force he could think of. The NYPD, the rest of his teammates, the FBI, even Interpol. He even called Fury himself. They looked non-stop for over a year, to no avail. It was if Peter had simply vanished. The day after Peter’s funeral, each Avenger made a promise to themselves.

Tony promised he would never stop looking.

Steve promised he wouldn’t let Tony destroy himself.

Natasha told herself that if she couldn’t save Peter, she would save the rest of the world’s children instead.

Thor promised that he would make sure Peter got into Valhalla.

Clint promised he would enjoy all the time he still had with his children.

Bruce promised he would help Tony with whatever he needed.

Natasha started to take up cases involving child trafficking rings. She always interrogated the leaders and made sure to ask if they knew anything at all about a child named Peter Stark. They never did.

It was the latest on her string of cases. She went in alone, guns blazing. With the ringleaders finally dead, she was able to shepherd about thirty children out of an assuming house in the suburbs. They stood on the lawn together as they waited for law enforcement to come. The oldest kid was nine, and the youngest was three. Some of the braver ones went up to Nat to thank her profusely for the rescue. As much as she now worked with cases involving children, Natasha still wasn’t sure how to handle them. She called Tony. It was the closest person who was both good in crisises and with children. He flew down to the house, and landed on the street in front.

All of the kids watched in awe as Iron Man went and talked to the nice lady with red hair that got them out. They made a plan to start asking the kids if they had any family they could stay with. They split up and it takes them about an hour to get to their last kids. Natasha knelt on the grass next to a little boy with unruly brown hair. He was clutching a rag close to his chest. Natasha supposed it was a security blanket of sorts. “Hey buddy.” she said. “Do you know if you have any family you can go to?” She looked at his face and put on the kindest smile she could. He seemed skinny. Too skinny.

“Pe- Pe’tr.” He managed to say. His voice was rusty from disuse. That caught Tony’s ear. He came over and knelt next to Natasha.

“Do you know him? Do you know where he is?” Tony asked. It was a long shot, but he was desperate. Peter was a pretty common name, and his Peter had been gone for three years, if not longer.

He pointed to himself. “No. I- I’m Pe’tr.” Realization dawned on Tony. He could recognize those big brown eyes anywhere. The rest of him had changed so much, but his eyes still shone brightly.

“Tesoro? He used the nickname he gave his son all those years ago.

“Daddy?” A tear fell from Tony’s eye.

“Come here, baby.” He opened his arms, and let Peter run in for a hug. “I missed you so much, Peter.” He pressed a kiss on Peter’s forehead. “I never stopped looking for you. Even after the… um…” On second thought, he probably shouldn’t tell Peter that they held a funeral for him after he was missing for a tear. Tony’s suit retracted around him, allowing Peter to fall closer to his chest.

Tony gave Natasha a look, and she began to help the other kids. She notified the police of the situation as they pulled up to the house. “These kids, they’ve been through a lot. Just make sure they get back home, will you?”

A female officer smiled sincerely, and said that they would do everything they could. Natasha looked behind her, and Tony and Peter were still locked in a tight embrace.

“I love you, Petey-pie.” Tony pushed him off gently, and ran his thumbs under Peter’s eyes to brush any tears away.

‘I love you too.” Peter mumbled.

“Are you okay?”

Peter sniffled. “No.” That simple admission absolutely broke Tony’s heart. Whatever was left of it was now in a million pieces on the floor.

“Did they hurt you?” Peter nodded and looked at the ground. Tony smiled sadly, and hugged Peter again. “Do you want to go home? I haven’t moved any of your things. Your room is still right next to mine.”

“Thank you, dad.”

“Of course, baby. Of course. We can get home in about fifteen minutes in the suit, but it’ll be more comfy if we take a car. What do you want to do?”

“I can choose?” Peter looked up to Tony with hope in his eyes.

“Of course. Whatever you want.”

“I want to go home.” Peter wiped away a stray tear. The suit formed around Tony again as he scooped Peter into his arms.

‘Stay still and hold on. I’ll go as fast as I can.” Tony whispered into Peter’s ear. “FRIDAY, plot fastest course back to the Tower.” The thrusters quickly reached maximum speed. They flew pretty low, and even with the harsh wind, Peter soon fell asleep in Tony’s arms. He landed as gently as possible on the balcony. The suit collapsed back into the housing unit on his chest. That had been new since Peter… left. When they were still living a normal life, he still had the arc reactor.

He opened the balcony door with the toe of his boot. Pepper was sitting on the couch, checking her email in a rare moment between her meetings. Without turning around, she asked, “How was the mission?”

“You’ll never guess who I found.” Tony breathed.

“Who? Norman Oscorp and his lackeys?”

“No. I found Peter.” That got Pepper to turn around.

@penis-parkerrr

[breazy18]

Frailty III

Story Overview: Roman Godfrey is owner of The Godfrey Institute (The White Tower) is forced by his mother Olivia Godfrey, to be with a woman, to not only make upir, but create offspring with.

--

“Oh, I didn’t know you were home Roman.” I sat the book down and turned to face him. “Clearly.” He extended his hand pointing at me on the couch. “I’m sorry.” I sighed standing up. “I am going to run out and buy groceries so you can eat. I know you know why I do not have much food or drinks in my house, so I do not find it necessary to explain.” He spat jingling his keys around. “I will work out a situation about your transportation until I get you a car.” He turned and walked out of the door. I sighed and fell back on the couch, my eyes wandering the room. Romans desk sitting in the corner of the room with his computer sitting on it, papers neatly placed in a corner and books placed in the other. This room was beautiful, the black velvet couch and chairs, the floor to ceiling bookcases, the stone fireplace in the corner.

Roman returned and I helped him unload the groceries in the kitchen. “Thank you for going to get me food.” I spoke softly to him and he looked up. “Sure.” “Roman, can I ask something?” I mumbled putting away a jar of sauce. “Hm?” I turned to face him, making sure to keep my distance. “Why do you hate me so much?” I sighed. Romans fingertips pressed against the marble countertops. “I don’t hate you, I don’t particularly like you, but I don’t hate you, I am used to being alone, your presence in the house makes me uncomfortable, and I just don’t want to be loved, why be loved when everyone turns on you, and when everyone leaves?” He spat. “I get it Roman.” I sighed. “I’m sorry I asked.” I turned around to grab one of the protein bars he picked up at the store. When I turned around my face was in his chest. “Roman.” I sighed looking up at him. “Why do you care if I like you?” He spoke quietly but with no expression. “Because I want to get along with you Roman, you know, we are forced to be married, but we could at least try to communicate every once in a while, as civilized people.” I stared deep into his eyes. “Got it.” He turned away grabbing a glass of water. “I will be in my office if you are in dire need of anything, unless it is a emergency I see you stay out, I have work to do, and I know you love that room since you are always in it, but tonight I need no distractions.” He began walking away his back facing me.

The majority of the night I just sat out in the living room watching TV until I got tired. I walked past Romans office. I looked at him and then he looked up. “Hey.” He spoke. “Hey, um, I guess I was just coming to see if you were still up.” I sighed. “Yeah, I am, it is supposed to storm tonight.” He looked back down at his computer screen, this man was certainly all business. “Okay. Thank you for telling me. Goodnight.” I turned to walk away. With a strong tone of voice Roman spoke again. “Y/N?” I turned to face him. “Yes?” “Goodnight, remember we have dinner with Olivia tomorrow.” He reminded me. I nodded and turned away again still feeling his eyes burning holes in my soul.

That night the wind was whipping around the house, lighting casted shadows of the trees in my room, lighting and thunder cracked against the sky causing me to jump out of the bed. Roman had lit oil lamps around the house tonight, probably for the sake of the power going out, there was light leading all the way down a long hallway where two double doors were, the doors cracked where you could see a little bit of yellow light pooling out onto the floor. I made my way down the hallway knowing that I shouldn’t, but I did it anyway. I cracked open the big doors more and I saw him. Roman in his four-poster canopy bed with a fire place in front of the bed, his pale skin looked like silk at this moment, his hair ruffled around and his face relaxed and calm. I turned to walk back out, embarrassed that I had even come down this way to him. I turned to walk out of the room and went to crack the door. “Y/N? What are you doing?” He sighed. I turned back around and cracked the door so I could talk. “I know I shouldn’t have come in here; I am sorry, I was scared.” I mumbled suddenly scared remembering what he said about if he caught me over here. “Open the door.” I opened the door more and I saw him, propped up on one of his arms. “Come here.” He moved over in his bed and pulled the blankets back. I walked closer standing at the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry Roman, I know I shouldn’t have come-“ He cut me off by grabbing my hand, the first physical contact I had made with him. He was gently pulling me into the bed and thunder smacked against the sky causing me to hurry into the bed. We were facing each other and he moved his hand off of mine and touched my cheek. “It is just a storm, go to sleep.” He whispered running his fingers up and down my arm then came closer and kissed my lips softly. I pulled away shocked. “What was that for?” I gasped shocked. “Just wanted to know what it was like, now sleep, don’t get too much in your head, this doesn’t mean anything.” I laid there that night pressed against Romans body.

The next morning when I woke, I was back in my room. I spent the day organizing my belongings and then got dressed. Before too long there was a knock on the door. I hurried down the stairs to catch whoever it was. I opened the door to a man with blonde hair and a scruffy chin in a suit. “Hello, can I help you?” I pressed. “Um, no, I am a driver for your husband Mrs. Godfrey, you are wanted up at the Institute.” He smiled gently. Being called Mrs. Godfrey gave me chills. “Okay.” I locked the door and walked out with the man.

There it was the tall building you could see from all of Hemlock Grove. The man parked and did not come in with me. I walked in the building and an officer came over to me. “Who are you?” “I am Y/N, Roman Godfreys wife.” I stumbled over the word wife. “Okay, top floor, you will be greeted and led to his office.” The officer smiled. I walked to the elevator, pressed the highest floor and waited. Once the elevator came to a stop I stepped out and saw a man sitting at a desk. “How may I help you ma’am?” “I am here for my husband, Mr. Godfrey.” He looked taken back but came from around the desk and led me to an office with two glass doors. “He is in there.” I opened the doors and began making my way in the office. Roman looked up at me through his lashes then stood suddenly. “You needed to see me?” I stopped walking. “Yeah, um, my mother had this waiting with Norman today.” Roman handed me a big box that was wrapped in white wrapping paper. “What is it?” I took a seat in one of the chairs. “No idea, it is addressed to you.” I opened up the box and there was a white dress sitting in it with a note. “Wear this to dinner, tell Roman to wear a suit, the two little boxes are your rings, I suggest you wear them, see you tonight.” I handed over the note to Roman and sat the little ring boxes on his desk and pulled out the white dress. “Is that a wedding dress?” Roman growled. “No, I think it’s just a simple white dress.” At the bottom of the box there was a shoe box with a pair of white heels. I pulled them out. “I think she things I’m too short for you.” I giggled, but Roman said nothing, I looked up and found him staring at one of the ring boxes. “What is it.” I asked slipping the shoes back in their box. “I guess this is yours.” He turned the ring to face me, a small emerald cut diamond ring and a wedding band below it. I gasped. “It is beautiful, its such a shame.” I whispered. Roman grabbed the other ring box and in it sat a small silver wedding band. I went to slip on the ring but Roman stopped me. “Wait.” He sat down his box. “Let me do it?” He asked. I was taken back but handed him over the ring box and he slipped on the two rings, then he slipped on his. “Why did you do that?” I asked confused. ‘’Well, we have to give my mother some sort of satisfaction, but as soon as we get home from dinner, we aren’t wearing them unless we absolutely have to.” He sighed.

I changed into the white dress and shoes and sat in Romans office the rest of the day until it was time for us to go to dinner at Olivia’s.

--- 

Here is part three, If you want to read part one and two I linked them below.

I have really enjoyed writing this story and would be open to writing more, If you guys want more let me know and I will continue writing it.

Frailty Part 1

Frailty Part 2

-NEW-

Frailty Part 4

Frailty Part 5

Frailty Part 6

Frailty Part 7

Frailty Part 8

Frailty Part 9

[go-diane-winchester]

Why Misha chose destiel

One heller was very affronted that I was critical of Misha.  Now, on Tumblr there are many anti tags.  Jensen has one.  Jared has one.  Even little Jack Kline, poor baby, has one.  Only the Misha fans demand passionately, as to how we could possibly see anything wrong with this ''smol bean''.  They are very shocked with others for having an anti-Misha tag.  And they get angry with me for not using the anti-Misha tag and blasting his bad behavior in the public domain.  Why should there not be an anti-Misha tag?  And why must you go in there, read all the posts and then complain?  And why must you complain to me about not using the anti-tags?  Hellers are very confusing people.  Anywho, this one, who thinks Misha is ready for sainthood, sent me many messages about a post where I exposed another heller for going into the anti-tags and hijacking the post.  That post is called ''Looking for negativity in the anti-tags and screeching when you find it''.  You can read her drivel there.  This is one of the messages. 

Why is heller hate Misha's fault?

Misha has been on the show for ten years.  In those ten years, Jensen never told him about NJCon?  He never told Misha about Jaxcon?  He never told Misha about the incessant shipping questions that he deals with.  Misha never asked J2 why there is no shipping and sexuality questions allowed at cons?  Really?  I think he did.  And I think Misha said the same thing heller snowflakes say.  "But Jensen, if you don't go along they will call you a bigot."  And they do.  They kicked up such a fuss about it, and mass media became aware of it.  Universities are aware of it.  Jensen's reputation is in tatters.  So Jensen [Misha's best friend, apparently] never told him about the homophobia accusations.  What kind of a person lets his friend roast on a spit like that, but still saying things like this to incite his filthy goons ''Jensen and I don't write much destiel because we live it''.  Oh, it's so funny.  Misha is such a kidder, right? 

One weird thing I noticed about Misha is that he never distracts from destiel.  Even when he was asked about Megstiel, he said two things.  First ''Meg is the only one who ever flirted with Cas, well other than Dean'' [This is queer baiting]  and second ''Cas has eyes only for Dean''.  He actively killed the Megstiel idea despite the fact that it was his only legitimate canon ship, in favor of a non-canon ship.  What a stupid thing to do?  Why would you do that, if you don't have any agenda?  I have noticed he never pushes sastiel, his only other pairing, unless Jared is on stage with him, flirting with him, in good fun.  Because, with Jared right in front of him, he cant push any destiel and he cant ignore sastiel.  But when he is by himself, he doesn't like to push sastiel.  And I always wondered why.  I mean, Jared is sexually a little more brave than Jensen.  Jared is certainly more touchy-feely than Jensen.  Jared is more likely to kiss another guy on the mouth and not blush about it the way Jensen would.  If Misha had pushed sastiel and not destiel, I think Jared would be less shy in helping to make it canon.  Jensen is shy and no, that is not homophobia.

So why not push sastiel.  I think its because when Misha first came to the show.  J2 and wincest were the big pairings.  If he wanted to create a niche, he had to choose one J or the other.  Although,  he stumbled onto destiel first because that is what he said.  But then when you realize that there is another better ship available with a less shy co-star, why not take that one?  Why take the abrasive, difficult one who doesn't want to be touched?  Misha angers me but I would never call him stupid.  He is not stupid.  He was smart enough to intern at the white house.  So the guy is an idiot.  If he goes up against one J, he is essentially competing with the other.  Even though I protect both my boys equally, I am going to do something that the stans will hate.  I am going to pick up faults in the Js.  Just bear with me okay.  I have to do this.  Besides, no human being is flawless.  Jensen is extremely standoffish.  His personality is a litte cold with people he considers strangers.  However, between the two Js, he is the one that has the most recognition in his field.  Jensen has collected many nominations and awards during his acting career than Jared has.  Jared has equal footing with Misha.  Jared and Misha have the same amount of accolades attached to their acting careers. 

Dean is a louder, far more showier character than Sam is.  In fact, despite being of different ''species'', personality-wise Sam and Castiel are very similar.  Jared suffers from clinical depression, and as someone who suffers from a similar condition, I know something obscure about our types.  We are sometimes disheveled creatures.  Unlike Jensen who is healthier and always makes an appearance, with every strand of hair in place, Jared is sometimes completely untidy and wears a beanie.  Sometimes his clothing looks creased.  I can actually gauge how healthy he is during a panel, just by looking at his attire.  Misha is probably not aware of this.  And this is not a critique of his view on mental health.  Although I have receipts of his hellers mocking mental health.  Between the two Js, Jensen is the one who is difficult to compete with, because Misha is going to have to compete with his acting, his character and his looks.  Jared [and by extension Sam] is an easier option. 

Did they discuss destiel in private?

That is a good question.  Have anyone on staff ever discussed destiel.  Because the only one who seems enthusiastic about it, is Misha.  When Jensen was asked but the Dean Cas dynamic at a previous Jib panel, he said that there have not been that many Dean Cas scenes, which he enjoyed, because he felt the Dean Cas thing was getting out of proportion, and he knew he and Misha didn't play their characters like that.  When Misha was notified of this, he exclaimed ''that motherf*cker''.  So you tell me.  Why the discrepancy?  Why is Jensen saying one thing and when Misha is confronted with it, he reacts terribly.  Oh but he's just joking right? 

Misha was told that there was no need to entertain shipping questions.  He waves that rule during his panel and I have noticed at the recent Denvercon, that nobody asked him about destiel so he nonchalantly mentions Cockles.  Why would you do that, but when you are asked a destiel question, you call the shippers perverts?  You are the one encouraging them.  He doesn't respect the destiel shippers.  He uses them to keep him relevant.  What do the other people affiliated with Supernatural say?  Look at their tweets.  Jim Michaels, Guy Norman Bee, Adam Glass, Eric Kripke, Chad Kennedy, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles all say that there is no destiel.  The only one who says otherwise is Misha Collins.  When Samantha Smith was asked about destiel, she didn't acknowledge it and the fans attacked her on twitter.  Didn't she notify Misha of this?  She kept it to herself?  For what?  The only person who doesn't amend or dispute destiel [as far as I know] is Bob Singer, a slithering snake in the grass, and Sera Gamble's hugest headache whilst she was the show runner.

Does Misha enjoy any harassment that is caused by his meddling?

I have receipts of abusive tweets sent to Jared where he was also tagged.  Jared doesn't respond.  There may be two reasons.  Firstly, unlike Misha, Jared is a full time actor of Supernatural.  He simply doesn't have the time to look through thousands of tweets per day.  I have receipts of Misha reading his tweets and responding to them.  Another equally feasible reason might be that Jared [and I know my condition so I can vouch for this one] has no control over his mouth.  Even though he has the full right to call out bad customer services, there are other tweets that I acknowledge that he shouldn't have sent.  Jared is one of my babies.  But I can acknowledge when he has put himself in a difficult situation.  That is why he constantly says that Jensen tells him ''Dude, you are better than this''.  Jensen even said during a panel ''don't just acknowledge that you will do wrong.  Learn from your mistakes.''  I think Jensen sat Jared down and spoke to him about this.  I think Jared listened because apparently, Jared's online activity has dropped dramatically since.  Personally, I think people like Jared and me shouldn't be on twitter etc.  Its not good for us.  Studies show that SM actually exacerbates depression. 

Jared said, at a recent con, that he is aware that he cant please everyone, so he wont.  I am happy to hear that, because it means heller's online taunts are not messing him up the way they used to.  The biggest proof of Misha's awareness of the situation is William Shatner.  Shatner tweeted that Jared is aware of fans who want him off the show.  Shatner called them out as destiel shippers, and boy did the hellers converge on him for it.  Receipts are on other posts.  So Shatner is friends with Misha, he even participated in Gishwhes, and knows the truth which he blasted on a media outlet, and despite following Shatner and Jared, Misha still doesn't know any of this? Really?  Shatner never spoke to Misha about this?   

So Misha follows Jensen on Twitter, but didn't get an inkling of the filth being spewed at Jensen, only by Misha's fans, because Jensen said Destiel doesn't exist at Jaxcon?  So he read nothing?  And Jensen didn't tell him?  But they are supposed to be good friends, right?  Wouldn't you tell your best friend that you were being bullied by his fans?  What kind of friendship is that?  When Jensen broke down behind the scenes at Jibcon, when he met a fan [that is the officlal explanation] Misha witnessed it, so why would he bring up the same topic when Jensen is on stage, already emotionally fragile.  And then he sits there and watches Jensen fall apart.  It happened in front of his face, backstage.  Why would he pick up the topic again when he is onstage?  If you are such a loving, caring person [and destiel is cockle's fault apparently] why would you do something that heartless.  Fans, including myself, were angry that Daniela came on stage, and poured them brimming glasses of whisky.  She never did that before, to my knowledge.  They had always poured their own drinks and never so much. 

Some people guesstimate that Daniela shipped destiel too, which is why Jibcon was such a ''dance monkey dance'' type of environment.  Remember Misha's fake orgasm and the Hitch dialogue reading.  They didn't choose that.  Jibcon is planned the way it is.  That is probably why 6 months after Jaxcon, Jensen wasn't looking forward to the panel, and he fell apart as soon as it arrived.  Either Daniela poured them alcohol to make Jensen lose his inhibitions more, or she could see that he was tense and wanted him to loosen up.  We may never know because after so many years of Jibcon being seen as a destiel con [a perception she never corrected] after Jensen broke down on stage and Jared cut the panel short, suddenly Jibcon was never a destiel con.  Suddenly she banned shipping questions at Jibcon.  Suddenly the Cockles panel became the J2M panel.  I think Jared told her off after the last Cockles panel.  So suddenly she is neutral now.  And Misha saw none of this?  Really?  He must be the dumbest person ever to have all this happening around him, that he doesn't know.  So he doesn't follow Daniela online?  He didn't see the fighting?  Stop making excuses for him.

[queenofcats17]

Coming Clean

So, @bornoffireandwisdom  / @askthesaudadecharactersbatimau asked for a sequel to the last story I did where Henry comes clean about hearing Joey’s voice in his head. 

Henry knew he needed to tell the others just what being infected by the ink entailed. Bendy understood it, but the other two didn’t. They didn’t know he had Joey whispering in his mind almost all the time. He was fairly certain if they had known before that Joey could see through his eyes, they wouldn’t have let him into their safe house at all, but they’d already passed that point. He was alone in the safe house right now. Allison and Tom had taken Bendy out for another visit to the Lost Ones and Sammy. The little devil had also wanted to check on Norman to make sure the projectionist wasn’t lonely. Allison and Tom hadn’t been....thrilled about that, but if anyone could approach Norman without getting hurt it was Bendy.

“I know you’re here, Joey,” Henry said. “Come on out.” He could always tell when Joey decided to “visit” him. It was hard to describe the sensation he experienced, but it was something akin to a pressure in his head. 

“And here I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.” Joey appeared in front of him, incorporeal and slightly see-through. “Are you finally starting to come around?”

“No.” Henry raised his tired gaze to meet Joey’s eager one. “If you’re going to invade my mind, I’d rather be able to see you while you do it.”

“You’re no fun.” Joey pouted, folding his arms. He really was like a petulant child. 

“You know where we are, don’t you?” Henry murmured. “Why are you torturing me like this? Why don’t you just send someone to destroy all this already? I know you want to.”

“I’m waiting for the right moment, my dear.” Joey laughed, tapping Henry’s nose with one spectral finger. “Half the fun is the suspense!” AKA he was just enjoying watching Henry squirm. Maybe he really thought he could force Henry to do what he wanted. Henry drew away, hugging his knees and pressing his back against the wall of his little cell. He was becoming accustomed to the sight of his own body covered in ink, a fact that made him feel sick. Joey watched him, head tilted to the side in a manner that almost might have seemed adorable, had Henry not known what a monster the man standing before him truly was. 

“I don’t want to hurt you like this, you know.” Joey’s expression grew mournful as he took a step forward, cupping Henry’s face in his hands. “If you’d only stayed, none of this would have happened.” Henry gritted his teeth. The thought had crossed his mind more than once since he’d ended up in this place. Maybe if he’d just stayed...Maybe if he hadn’t left, Joey wouldn’t have gone off the rails. Maybe he could have prevented this.

“No.” He shook his head, trying to push Joey away. “No, you can’t guilt trip me like this. It wasn’t my fault!” 

“You were my only friend, Henry.” Joey rested his forehead against Henry’s, causing a chill to pass through Henry’s body. “All I ever wanted was to have you by my side. You brought out the best in me. You pushed me to make the right decisions. You should have pushed a little harder.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was my responsibility to make sure you didn’t kill people.” Henry snapped. Joey drew back, glaring at Henry. 

“You were more fun before.” He folded his arms. 

“My deepest apologies.”

Joey’s eyes flashed red, his face twisting into a mask of fury for a moment before he returned to his normal offputting smile. 

“Oh Henry.” He said. “Henry Henry Henry. You can insult me all you like, but I can feel your fear. I know I’m getting to you. Eventually, I will wear you down. You will be mine.” Mercifully, that was the last thing Joey had to say, as he disappeared right after saying that. Henry groaned, collapsing onto the cot. Joey had been showing up in his mind more and more often. He drifted off to sleep. For once, he didn’t have any nightmares. 

He woke up to Allison and Bendy singing together. It was a song from one of the episodes, specifically Siren Serenade. Henry had never seen the episode himself, but he recognized the tune as one he’d heard Sammy play before. Henry sat up, rubbing his eyes. Well...Eye. The other was covered by ink. Bendy and Allison were by the wall, Bendy sitting on a table and watching as Allison drew on the wall, both singing the song from Siren Serenade. Tom was making soup not too far away, smiling to himself. Henry’s throat felt tight watching the scene. Him being there was putting them in danger. 

“You’re awake!” Bendy stopped singing when he saw Henry was awake, his face lighting up as he scrambled off the table and ran over to him. 

“Did you have fun visiting Sammy and Norman?” Henry asked. 

“Mm-hm!” Bendy nodded. “I watched some cartoons with Norman and it was fun! I think he gets lonely down there sometimes.”

“Yeah, he probably does.” Henry reached through the slats of the cell to pat Bendy’s head. “You’re probably the only one who can approach him without him freaking out.”

“Yeah.” Bendy’s smile wavered a bit. The mood in the safe house darkened a bit, almost as if they were all being reminded of the situation they found themselves in. 

“Oh, Henry,” Allison spoke up after a moment. “There was something I wanted to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“I thought I heard you talking the other night. Was there someone else here?”

Henry swallowed instinctively. Now was the time to tell them. Now was the time to come clean. 

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Joey whispered in his ear. “They’ll throw you out if you do. And won’t Bendy be upset about that?” Henry didn’t reply to him, taking a deep breath. 

“There’s something I need to tell you all.” He said. 

“They’ll be angry. They might even kill you.” Joey continued. “Do you want to make Bendy witness that?” To Henry’s surprise, he could hear a hint of desperation in Joey’s voice. Why did Joey care about this? Why did it matter if the others knew about the annoying voice in Henry’d head?

“What is it?” Allison asked, smiling nervously. “Your tone is worrying me.” Tom paused in stirring the soup, watching Henry over his shoulder. Bendy looked up as well, similarly worried. 

“Don’t tell them. Don’t you dare tell them!” Joey’s calm composure was gone. He started stamping his foot on the ground and waving his fists like a child. 

“Joey’s been talking to me,” Henry said. “In my head. I’m pretty sure it’s a side-effect of being infected.”

“Oh, is that all?” Allison seemed to relax a bit at this.

“You’re not...angry?” With how upset Joey was getting, his old friend was starting to shriek as he stormed about the cell, Henry had expected a bigger reaction.

“I mean, I already knew he did that.” Bendy said. 

“Drew’s head of that whole hive mind thing.” Thomas waved his spoon vaguely. “Figures he’d be talkin’ in your head.”

“We already kind of knew he did that sort of thing.” Allison nodded. “It’s not like it’s a big secret that he likes messing with people’s minds.” 

“YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM!” Joey screamed, pounding his fists against the wall. Since he wasn’t actually there the hits didn’t connect, but Henry could hear him pounding somewhere in the studio. Henry winced. 

“Is he throwing a temper tantrum?” Tom asked, a small smirk appearing on his face. 

“Yeah.” Henry rubbed his head. “He’s really not happy I told you all that I can hear his voice. I don’t understand why, though.”

“He’s probably mad he can’t make you suffer alone anymore.” Bendy nodded sagely. Henry stared at him for a moment, stunned by the little demon’s astute observation. Although, it did make sense. Joey thrived on having power over other people. Allowing others to know what he was going through took away some of Joey’s power over Henry.

“Yes, I think you’re right.” Allison’s expression softened and she patted Bendy’s head. 

“I may not like the fact that you’re here,” Tom said, looking at Henry. “But you should know that you’re not alone, Williams. We’re not going to let you go through this alone, no matter how much you want to play the martyr.” 

Henry couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” Tom turned back to the soup. “I mean it. Don’t tell anyone I said that. Can’t have anyone thinking I’ve gone soft.”

“Yes, you’re very scary.” Allison walked over to press a kiss to his cheek. “Such a fierce predator.”

“I have a reputation.” Tom huffed. Bendy snickered, covering his mouth with his hands. Tom glared at him, but it lacked any malice behind it. Henry leaned back on his cot, continuing to smile to himself. He may have been trapped in an inky Hell, but at least he wasn’t alone. He wasn’t ever going to be alone again.

[pink1031]

Dirty Little Secret - Chapter 15

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Jared Padalecki x reader, Jensen x reader x Jared

Other Characters: Jared, Danneel, JJ, Gen, Richard Speight, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Norman Reedus, Gino Graul

Warnings: Married! Jensen, smut, oral both male and female receiving, cheating, anal, Dom Jensen, angst, fluff, rough sex,Daddy kink, some asshole Jensen moments, spanking, bondage, threesome, double penetration, NSFW.

A/N:  Gifs are not mine, they were all found on Google.  Aesthetic made by my lovely and talented friend @prettybubblesintheair. All mistakes are mine, I try to proofread myself but stuff still slips by me.  I am not a big fan of how this chapter turned out but here it is anyway. Glad to be through this part so we can get back to all the smutty smut!  This chapter is written a little different, it bounces back and forth between what is happening with our reader and what is happening at the Ackles’ house. For some reason that is just the way it played out in my head so that is the way I wrote it. Also, for the life of me I could not find a pic or gif of Danneel where she wasn’t smiling, so there are no pics of her in this chapter cuz she ain’t smiling in this one. 

Chapter 1,  Chapter 2,  Chapter 3  Chapter 4   Chapter 5  Chapter 6   Chapter 7

Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10  Chapter 11  Chapter 12   Chapter 13  Chapter 14

You sat curled up on the couch of the hotel room you were currently staying in.  You stared down at the phone in your hand. It had been ringing almost non-stop all day. You had calls from Jared, Danneel, Norman, Jeff, and of course Jensen.  You hadn’t answered any of them.  You couldn’t talk to anyone, you couldn’t imagine having to talk to friends and family about the situation you were in and the fact that Jeff had even called you made your stomach roll. He must know what is going on now too.  How could you look any of your friends in the eye again when they knew what a terrible person you were?  Whore.  Danneel’s words echoed in your ears.

You scrolled through the numerous text messages that had been sent when you didn’t answer your phone. Your eyes were blurry from the tears that never seemed to end as you made you way through your phone. The texts that Jensen had sent you throughout the day were the hardest to re-read. They made your heart ache. You wanted to go back to him. You wanted to ease his pain but you knew you couldn’t. You had to stay away.  You were doing this for him and his family.

Please come back baby.  I love you so much.  

Don’t do this babygirl. I can’t give you up.

Don’t give up on us.  We will make this work. Please come home.

I love you so much Y/n. Please please let me know you are okay.  

The tears continued to roll down your cheeks.  You had never felt that this kind of pain before. Sure you had thought you had been in love before and you had your share of break-ups in the past but nothing had ever left you so heartbroken.  

A knock on your door drew your attention from your phone and you rose up slowly from the couch, wiping the tears from your cheeks as you made your way to the door.

Jared rushed inside your room as soon as you opened the door, his long strong arms wrapping tight around you as he pulled you into his chest.  You clung to him, your hands fisting in his shirt at his sides as he held you close.  

“Shh kitten.  It’s going to be okay.” He murmured as you sobbed against his chest until your tears soaked into his shirt.  “I’ve got you. Calm down baby.” He placed soft kisses to the top of your head as one hand gently stroked your hair while his other hand ran up and down against your back.  

“I’ve ruined everything.” You cried into his broad chest. “I was so selfish.  I was supposed to stop it before she ever found out.  It’s all my fault.  She wasn’t supposed to find out.”  You words came out choked and almost hysterical between sobs.

“No, no, no.  It’s not all your fault sweetheart.” Jared continued to stroke softly against your back as he made gentle shushing noises.

“I was supposed to walk away. I was supposed to end it before she knew.”  You cried. “I should have never. I just love him so much.”  

“I know.” Jared placed another kiss to the top of your head before he pulled back slightly so he could look down at you.  He tilted your head up so you would look at him. He smiled softly down into your tear stained face, gently wiping the tears from your eyes. “Calm down now kitten.  It’s going to be okay.”

“Stop saying that.  Jensen said that too.” Your brows knitted together tightly. “Nothing is going to be okay. My sister hates me, she thinks I’m a whore and I’ve ruined my family. I am a horrible person Jared.”

“You are not a horrible person.” Jared frowned at you as he gently cupped your cheeks. “And nothing is ruined. Come on, come sit down with me.” Jared lets his hands fall from your soft cheeks so he could take your hands in his to lead you over to the small sofa in the room.  

He sat down and pulled you into his lap tucking you against his chest before he began speaking again. “Nothing is ruined.  Your sister doesn’t hate you.”

“You don’t know that.” You pressed your face against his chest and Jared rested his chin on the top of your head.

“I do know that.  She told me to bring you home.” He gently petted your hair as he spoke softly. “She is your sister and she loves you. Family sticks together no matter what.”

You huffed softly. “This is not the show Jare. It doesn’t always work like that in real life.”

“I know that kitten.” Jared’s chest rumbled softly with a chuckle. “But you have an amazing family and you are an amazing person.  It is going to be alright. I promise.”  His large hand gently cupped your chin and he lifted your face to his so he could place a gentle kiss to your lips.  

You returned his kiss tenderly and Jared pulled back to smile at you.  “It will be okay.” He whispered softly before his nose nudged against yours and he kissed you again.  

Your eyes closed and you hummed softly against the sweet kiss, his soft lips were delicate against your mouth and you melted into him.  Jared held you tight as he deepened the kiss, his tongue licked softly at your full bottom lip until your lips parted for him.  Jared’s tongue delved into your mouth slowly and danced sensually against your own.  

A soft sigh of contentment filled Jared’s chest as he broke the kiss. He gently wiped the remaining tears from your cheeks before placing a chaste kiss to your forehead.  

“Have you eaten at all today kitten?”  

You shook your head softly in reply and stared down at your hands knowing Jared would be disappointed in your for not taking care of yourself.  He tisked you and slid you from his lap.  

“You need to eat.  I’ll order room service, unless you want me to go out and grab something.”  He stood from the couch.

“No don’t go. Room service is fine.”  You answered quickly not wanting to be left alone again.  

*************************

Jensen made his way out to the patio. He felt utterly defeated.  He had screwed up so much in his life.  He had hurt the two people he loved the most.  He flung himself down into a patio chair and pulled out his pack of cigarettes.  How had his life come to this? He brought a cigarette to his full lips as he replayed last night events over and over in his head.  Out of everything that happened the conversation that he had with Danneel after you had passed out was what plagued him the most.  

(flashback)

“Why Jensen?” Danneel’s bright eyes shone with tears as she looked at her husband. “Was it me? Was I not giving you what you needed? Do you not love me anymore?”

“No darlin’. It’s not that at all.” Jensen reached out and took his wife’s hand in his.  “I love you.” He sighed softly. “I didn’t go out looking to have an affair.  It’s more complicated than that.”

“So explain it to me.” Danneel narrowed her eyes slightly. “I deserve to understand why this happened.”

Jensen let his hand slip from his wife’s as he stood up.  He scrubbed his hand over his jaw as he gathered his thoughts. He didn’t know where to begin.  He slowly began to pace the floor.  “I’m not sure where to start.” He paused, staring down at nothing.  “I’ve been in love with Y/n for a long time. I just didn’t want to admit it.  I didn’t want to admit to you, to her, hell I didn’t want to admit it to myself.”

Jensen kept his back to his wife as he spoke, afraid to see the expression on her face, afraid to see the hurt he knew he was causing. “I fell in love with her when I first met her, but she was so young back then and I thought our age difference would be a big deal.  By the time I realized what I felt for her and decided to do something about it I was too late, she was dating someone.”  He bit at his bottom lip as he slowly turned to look at Danneel.  “And then I met you and well…I fell in love with you too.” He smiled softly at her.  “I thought I could just forget about what I felt for Y/n and I did, for years.  I pushed it down and focused on work, on you, and then on our family. We moved out here and she stayed in California so it was even easier then.”  He turned away again as he started pacing once more.  “But then she got the role on the show and I was with her all the time again.  I had forgotten how funny she was, how she makes me laugh, how kind, and caring she is. I had forgotten how much we have in common. Then it just snowballed. I felt myself falling for her all over again and when we had to do those intimate scenes I just…I …” Jensen trailed off.  

“She has always loved you.” Danneel’s soft voice cut through the silence and Jensen spun around, he did little to hide the surprise on his face.

“What?”

“I’ve always known she was in love with you.” Danneel’s  eyes locked on her husband’s.  When Jensen didn’t speak Danneel continued. “She called me the day she met you.  Told me about this great guy she had met at a job. She said she thought it was love at first sight. She talked about you non-stop for weeks after that. It broke her heart when you asked me out.”  

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Jensen swallowed hard as his mind fought to make sense of everything.  

“Because I was being selfish.  After working with you and getting to know you I saw what she saw and I wanted you for myself.”  

“But she was seeing that guy…” Jensen dropped down to sit on the sofa as he stared slacked jaw at his wife.

“She was only dating him to try and make you jealous. She hoped that if you saw her with someone else you would man up and ask her out, but it back fired and you asked me out instead.”  Danneel felt fresh tears streak down her cheeks.  “If I had been a good sister I would have told you how she felt about you.  I knew you felt the same about her, I could see it every time you looked at her. You looked at her the way I wanted you to look at me.” Danneel wiped the tears from her cheeks.  “Y/n is honestly a better person than I am. When I told her I was in love with you I could see how hurt she was but she just put on a smile and told me she was happy for me.” Danneel hung her head. “I took away the man she loved and she told me she was happy for me.”  She mumbled softly through her fresh tears.

Jensen sat back on the couch dumbfounded.  He didn’t know what to say, how to respond.  His wife was not the person he thought she was.  But, he guessed, he wasn’t the person she thought he was either.  

They both sat in silence for a long moment before Jensen pushed himself back up to his feet.  “I’m going to go sit with Y/n, keep an eye on her.”  He began to make his way out of the room, he stopped and looked back over his shoulder at Danneel.  “We all need to talk.  We all need to make this right.” 

(end flashback)

 Jensen inhaled deeply from the cigarette hanging from his lips.  He knew he couldn’t sit there and wallow in self pity.  He knew he had to make this right.  He knew there had to be a way to fix all of this.  He was a fighter.  He had worked hard and fought for everything that he had wanted in life and he was determined to fight for what he wanted now.  

Danneel stared out the kitchen window as she sat across from Gen at the small table in the breakfast nook.  She watched Jensen as he sat alone on the patio with a cigarette in hand.  The silence between the two women stretched on for a several minutes before Danneel finally turned back to her friend with a small smile.

“I’m sorry you got drug into all this.” Danneel looked down a the coffee cup in her hand.  

“You know I want to be here for you and Jensen.” Genevieve gave her a warm smile and reached out to gently squeeze her hand.  

Danneel tried to return her smile but it didn‘t reach her eyes. “I just can’t believe all this is happening. Did you know?  I mean did Jared tell you?”

Gen shook her head. “I just found out today.”  

Danneel nodded. “I can’t believe Jared covered for them.  I can’t believe he went so far as to make me think he was sleeping with Y/n.  What if I had talked to you about it?  What if I had made you think that Jared was the one having an affair?”  

Genevieve cleared her throat and took a drink from her own coffee mug. “Jared is sleeping with Y/n.  He has been for about two months now. He wasn’t lying about that.”

“What?” Danneel’s eyes went wide with surprise.

Gen smiled again, there was no hint of embarrassment on her face and she simply shrugged her shoulders. “He and Y/n have been sleeping together, but only while he is working, not while he is home with us.”

“And you knew about it?”

“Yes, he asked me for my permission before he slept with her.” Genevieve nodded.

“And you said yes? How can you let your husband sleep with another woman?” Danneel’s eyes were as wide as saucers.

Gen closed her eyes briefly and sighed. “It’s a little hard to explain but I will try.  I love Jared and I want him to be happy.  It’s really hard on them being gone so much.  You and I always talk about how hard it is on us while they are away but it’s just as hard on them, harder maybe.  Jared and Jensen work such long hours, they travel so much, and they do it all for us, to take care of their families.” Gen took another drink from her coffee.  “Jared is a man with needs and I can’t always be there for him so we came up with an arrangement. I don‘t expect anyone to agree with us or understand it but it is what works for us. Jared‘s happiness and well being is the most important thing to me and honestly, he has been happier in the last two months than I have seen him in a long time.”

“But,” Danneel began to interrupt.

“I know Jared loves me and I have no doubt that he will always come home to me and his sons and that is all that matters to me.” Gen smiled.  

Danneel sat in silence as she soaked up this new information. “Does Jensen know about it?”

“Yes. Apparently they uh, share her.” Gen cocked her head to the side and grimaced slightly knowing Danneel would be appalled by the idea.

Danneel blinked rapidly a few times as she tried to process.  “Like…both…together?” She stuttered over her words and her cheeks tinted pink.  

Gen couldn’t help but let a soft chuckle escape her lips but she fought to keep it together considering the situation. Danneel was so very vanilla when it came to sex and Gen always found it funny. “Yes, they both fuck her together, at the same time. Threesomes.” Gen replied bluntly.  “Jared said that was the only way Jensen would agree to share.”  

Danneel’s eyes were drawn towards to the window again and she stared at her husband, her mouth agape.  She couldn’t imagine her sweet husband engaged in anything so salacious. He was always so sweet, caring, and nurturing in the bedroom.  She couldn’t believe her straight laced husband was capable of doing something so wild as having a threesome.  

She finally turned back and looked at Gen.  “What am I going to do Gen?” She bit at her lip nervously. “I don’t know how to handle all of this.”

“Honey, this situation sucks but you have to remember that Jensen loves you, and you love him.” Gen patted Daneel’s hand again. “ And you love your sister and she loves you, and it just happens that they love each other too.”  

“That’s not an answer Gen.” Danneel frowned. “That is the problem.”

“Well maybe I am the wrong person to ask because I am not a conventional person, but to me, that is a lot of love.  And when you have that much love it can’t possibly be a bad thing.”  Gen smiled.  “You all want each other to be happy right?”  When Danneel nodded Gen continued. “Then there is your answer.”

****************************

Room service had arrived and you sat on the couch, snuggled up as close to Jared as you could get without actually being in his lap while he practically force fed you to get you to eat.  You were reluctant to eat, your stomach churning with the stress coursing through your veins, but you had not eaten anything since lunch yesterday so Jared insisted.  

When you had finished half of your sandwich and most of the fries he had ordered you sat the plate down on the coffee table.  

“You should finish that.” Jared nodded to the plate.

“Jare.” You whined. “I can’t eat any more.  If I eat any more I am going to puke.”  

Jared gave you a frown but nodded his head.  He picked up the bottle of water at his side and handed it to you.  “At least finish off the water.”  

You rolled your eyes playfully at Jared but took the bottle from his hand and brought it to your lips.  Jared watched you with a smile as you finished off the contents.  You smiled back at him and handed him the empty bottle.  

“Good girl.” He grinned and winked at you.

A smile curled your full lips as you looked up into his bright hazel eyes.  “Thank you for being here for me Jare.”  You moved gracefully from your spot on the sofa to climb back into his lap, your thighs spreading to straddle his legs.  You pressed your body against his as your arms wrapped around his shoulders and you buried your face in the curve of his neck.  

“You know I’m always here when you need me sweetheart.” Jared smiled as he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around you. He let his fingers gently tunnel through your soft locks as he held you close.  You sighed softly into the smooth flesh at the curve of his neck as his free hand slowly slid underneath the hem of your t-shirt to gently stroke along the soft skin of your back.

Jared’s touch was feather-light as he slowly let his fingers glide up and down your smooth soft skin.  A grin formed on his lips as he felt your body shiver against his own.  His caress was soothing and stimulating all at the same time and you soon found your lips kissing along the expanse of his neck as you breathed in the familiar smell of him into your lungs.  

A soft hum of approval filled his throat as your mouth left warm wet kisses against his flesh and he let his head tip back against the wall behind the couch as your tongue traced soft swirls against his skin.  

“Kitten.” The word came out as little more than breath as your teeth scraped lightly against his pulse point and your hips began a slow grind to his lap.  His hand left the soft skin of your back to grip at your squirming hips.  “Kitten.” This time the word was louder and held a bit of a growl.  His fingers tightened against your hip as you ground harder against the growing bulge that was pressing between your open thighs.  You licked and sucked at the flesh of his neck until Jared’s hand tightened in your hair and he pulled your head back to look down into your eyes. “Baby you have to stop, you know I can’t.”  

You whimpered as you tugged your head forward trying to reach his neck once again.  Your hips struggled to wiggle in his hold against you to continue their teasing dance against his lap.  Jared growled low in his throat. “I said stop kitten.”  He released his grip on your hip to place a swat to your rounded ass.  

“But Jare.” You winced softly.

“No buts. You know the rules.”  Jared smiled softly.  “And I know you think it will make you feel better but having sex with me now is not going to fix anything.  It would just be a distraction.”  

You frowned but nodded your head silently.  You knew he was right and you did want the distraction but not at the cost of asking Jared to break his promise to his wife and Jensen.  

Jared smiled softly as he cupped your face in his large hands and placed a tender kiss to your lips. “You going to let me take you home now?”  

You took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Do I really have a choice?”

“Of course you do.” Jared cocked one eyebrow at you. “I’m not going to make you go back, but you know you are going to have to face them sooner or later.”  

“What am I going to say to Danneel?” Your face fell at the thought.

“You need to tell her the truth.  The truth is always better than a lie or making excuses.”  Jared tapped your thighs softly. “C’mon kitten, let me take you home.”  

You nodded and reluctantly slid out of Jared’s lap.  He gave you a reassuring smile as he grabbed your suitcase that still sat by the door and waited for you to grab your jacket.  

*************************** It was the early morning hours and Jensen had made his way in from the patio and settled in on the loveseat in his living room.  He kept looking between his watch and his phone checking the time and wondering what in the hell was taking Jared so long.  Maybe you didn’t want to come home to him.  Maybe you had decided he wasn’t worth the trouble anymore.  Was Jared stuck wherever you were trying to convince you to come back?  Were you okay?  Jared would surely let him know if something had happened to you, right?  All these thoughts were racing through his head and it was driving him crazy. He tunneled his fingers through his hair again, the short brown locks sticking up on end from the constant contact.  

The sound of his front door opening had Jensen springing up from the sofa.  

You had barely stepped foot in the room when Jensen’s arms were crashing around you and he hugged you tight against his body. “Oh my God baby, I was so worried.” Jensen buried his face into your hair as he squeezed you so tight you thought you weren’t going to be able to breathe. “Don’t ever do that again.  Please don’t ever leave me again baby girl.”

“Jay.” You whimpered silently as you stayed engulfed in his arms. You could feel his body tremble softly against yours as he cried. “Don’t cry Jay.” You gently stroked your hands up and down his back until you heard him take a shaky breath and he pulled back away from you.  “I’m here now.” You whispered softly as you stared up into his olive eyes.  

He gave you a nod and a small smile formed on his lips.  He let his hands slide down the length of your arms until he could hold both of your hands in his own.  “You finally ready to talk about this?”  

“Yeah, I think so.” You returned his smile before looking back over your shoulder at Jared.  Jared smiled and nodded in reassurance, letting you know he was right there with you.  

Jensen and Jared lead you into the kitchen where Danneel and Genevieve were still sitting.  You immediately felt your stomach begin to knot again as your eyes landed on your sister.  No one said a word as the three of you approached the table and you all took a seat.  The tension in air was palpable as you sat down between Jared and Jensen.  

You tried your best not to make eye contact with Danneel and opted at looking down at your hands instead.  You sat in silence that seemed to stretch on forever. You had never felt so uncomfortable in your own skin before. You wanted a black hole to come swallow you up.  The urge to either leave the room or throw up was almost overwhelming.  Finally Gen was the one to break the silence.

“Well I guess Jared and I should get going.  I know you guys have a lot to talk about.”  

“Don’t go.” Your head snapped up and your pleading eyes met Jared’s.

Jared looked from you to his wife who sat on his other side. “I’d like to stay.” He said matter-of-factly.  

“This really isn’t our business honey.” Gen tried smiling at her husband.  

“Yeah it kind of is.” Jared sighed. “I think we all should talk.” Jared rubbed his hand across the back of his neck and looked up like he was going to speak but Jensen spoke up first.  

“I’m sorry we made you think Jared broke the rules and slept with Y/n while we were home.” Jensen’s soft green eyes met Gen’s.

“I never thought that.” Gen smiled a tight lipped smile.

Jensen’s brows furrowed as he looked between Jared and Gen obviously confused.

“I couldn’t lie to her.  I never lie to her.”  Jared gave a half hearted smile.  “I had to tell her the truth. I told her what was really going on.”

“Oh, well I guess it doesn’t matter now since it’s all out in the open anyway.” Jensen nodded.  

Jared nodded back. “Yeah.” He took a breath and blew it out slowly before turning so he could look directly at his wife.  “And because I never lie to you I need to tell you something.” Gen raised both her manicured eyebrows and waited on Jared to continue. “You were right all along. I do have feelings for Y/n. I thought maybe it was just because it was something new and exciting but now I know, all this had made me realize that, I love her.”

An audible gasp left your lips at Jared’s confession and you looked up with wide eyes.  

“I know.” Gen replied calmly.

“You do?” Jared was the one frowning now.

“Yes baby.  I have known for about a month now.  You should hear the way you talk about her and the way you look at her, it‘s easy to tell.” Gen shook her head and laughed softly.  

“So wait, you knew but you let me keep seeing her?” Jared was surprised.

“It doesn’t change anything between you and I Jared.” Gen smiled. “It’s like you have told me, even if you do have feelings for Y/n you still love me, you still love your family. Right?”

“Right.” Jared nodded.  

“So, should I be worried?” Gen asked.

“Um no. No of course not. I still love you babe and I always will. Nothing will ever change that.”  Jared smiled and bit at his bottom lip. “I do have one thing I want to ask though.”  

“What?”

“I want to be able to see her outside of work. When we are home for extended periods of time.” Jared turned his head to look over at Jensen.  “And I want to be able to see her without you sometimes too.”  

The room fell silent once again as everyone’s eyes darted around the table looking at each other.  

Gen gave you and Jared a sideways glance as she contemplated  her husband‘s request.  She was not sure how she felt about it but she remembered the advice she had just given Danneel not an hour earlier. “Okay.” Gen sighed. “I think we can work something out.”

Jensen glared at Jared for a moment before simply nodding his head and then adding. “If that is what Y/n wants.”

Jared turned his attention to you then, a grin brightened his features and he took your hand in his. “This is not exactly how I planned on telling you this but, I love you kitten.”  

You stared up at him, your eyes still wide in surprise but his grin was always contagious so you couldn‘t help but return his smile. “I love you too Jare.”

Jared’s smile broadened and he gave your hand a squeeze before leaning down and placing a kiss to your temple.

“Thank you babe. Thank you for always supporting me.” Jared smiled as he looked back at Gen.

Genevieve laughed softly at her husband. She couldn’t deny she loved seeing him happy. Genevieve looked at you then and she smiled warmly.  “I won’t lie and say that I am thrilled that my husband is in love with another woman but if it was going to happen then I am glad it is with you.  I know you love him. I know you are good to him, and I know you will take care of him when I can’t.”

You nodded your head. “I will Gen, and thank you.”  

Everyone turned and looked at Danneel then.  You knew your fate rested in her hands.  It was all up to her at this point. You hadn’t spoken to your sister since she found out about your dirty little secret and you weren’t sure where to begin but you knew you had to say something.

“D, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” You finally spoke up as you let your eyes meet hers for the first time. “I know saying I’m sorry doesn’t make up for anything and I understand if you hate me. I hate me too. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen and I know that is a lousy excuse. Just please, don’t take it out on Jensen. If you want to blame anyone blame me. I know I am a terrible person. But he needs you. He needs his family. Don’t take that away from him.”  Once you started talking it was like you couldn’t stop. “JJ means everything to him and she needs her dad so just please…I’ll leave and you two can work it out and if you never want to see me again I understand, and I‘ll leave the show if I have to. I just need to know that Jay will still have his family. You can forgive him. He just made a mistake. I was a mistake and you two can fix this.”  

Danneel watched as the two people she loved most in this world broke down in front of her, completely heartbroken, and it was almost more than she could bear.  She watched how the tears streamed down your face while you spoke and then her eyes turned to Jensen. Jensen looked at you, his own red- rimmed tear filled eyes staring at you with such need and desperation that it made her own heart ache. Your words caused him to break down at the thought of loosing you. That's when she knew she would do anything for the people she loved.

“Y/n, baby please.” Jensen’s words caught in his throat.

“No.” Danneel spoke the one word.

“No?” You choked through a sob.

“No, you aren’t leaving the show and no, I don’t hate you.” Danneel’s own eyes prickled with tears as she thought about the sacrifices you were willing to make to ensure she and Jensen were happy. “No, you aren’t the only one to blame. No, you aren’t a terrible person. You are my sister and you are one of the most caring and kind-hearted people I have ever met. So no, he isn’t going to lose his family and that family includes you.  No, you were not a mistake. Love is not a mistake. And finally no, you aren’t going anywhere, you aren’t leaving, and you aren’t dumping my husband because of me. I took him away from you once and I won’t do it again. He loves you and you make him happy.”

“What?” You and Jensen both asked in unison, the shock and surprise written on both of your faces.

Jensen wiped the tears from his freckled cheeks as he stared at his wife in awe. “Are you saying what I think you are saying?”

Danneel nodded her head. “You two are the most important people in my life and I want you to be happy. I want us all to be happy.”  

“How exactly would this work?” You asked, still a little bewildered that Danneel would even suggest this.  

“I honestly don’t know. It’s not like I had a plan for this, but we can figure it out together.” Danneel smiled at you.

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[forgottenyear]

identities’ genders and gender identities

[tw: sexuality, rape (neither are necessarily described explicitly)]

I write mostly about the extant identity fragment and the boy identity from the set of identities that integrated to form me. I do not have a lot to work with to write about the ‘minor’ identities. The remaining ‘major’ identity is the girl.

I have blinks of memories from the girl identity, but not much more. The system was trying to move to her city to be around her friends (met online, at 1200 baud, if the reader is not already aware that I am a dinosaur). I try not to project imagined attributes onto her.

My mother (my name is not Norman, if you are beginning to worry)(I haven’t actually seen the movie, so I may be mis-referencing here)(but you get the idea, I hope)(“string staccato stab, string staccato stab, string staccato stab” loses far too much in the translation to text, so I should probably have abandoned this gag with the last parenthetic)(Anyway: My mother-) as much as stated her belief that girls are good and boys are bad. The girl identity was everything that was good, protected from the world, unsurprisingly since the boy was ‘everything that was bad,’ abused by the world.

Given that the rape was perpetrated by her ‘friends’ at a party in her city, the girl identity may have given her trust too freely. She may, alternatively, have been so desperate to make a go of it in her new city that she ignored the warning signs.

It is also possible that she never matured at pace with the body. She did not have a chance to prove herself one way or the other, but her plans appear naïve or more wishful than realistic.

I feel like the boy identity distrusted her ‘friends,’ but I may be projecting this into the thin memories of that time. The boy identity had misgivings around the new city, but I am only sure about the misgivings around the financial reality.

I have mostly impressions and feelings from her memories. I am wording this poorly though, because I have not found the words to describe how the identity fragment communicates. I think her communication was not entirely verbal. Which leads to the question of how she could communicate with the outside world, a question for which I have no adequate answers. [Rereading for editing, I now think maybe it is only our internal communication that is non-verbal. Although no one has reported communicating with the identity fragment when it fronts during an emergency, I cannot speculate about the girl identity.]

I know that the fiancée (an external person who never occupied this body – a phrase I never expected I may need to write) was, to retrospective appearance, almost predatory toward the girl identity. The fiancée assembled the girl identity’s wardrobe and makeup set. She would help the girl dress and then would have what appears, retrospectively again, to be angry sex with her. The memories do not feel like what I see in them, so it is uncomfortable to write about them. (The fiancée went on to encourage a friend to sleep with the boy/girl/system so she would have justification to leave for a new boyfriend. The friend in this case was caring and refused to take part in the plan, but the fiancée had already acted on her plans before learning this.)

I need to back off from this now, but the fiancée introduced the girl to her new ‘friends’ in the other city.

*

I need a break.

*

*

No. The fiancée only indirectly introduced the girl identity. It was not more nefarious than that. I do not want to run away with projecting suspicions onto the past.

*

The fiancée was no more aware of DID than the identities were. How a plurality of identities being unaware of DID is supposed to make sense is beyond me. It is one more nagging question – fodder for denial. In the memories, it is just ‘normal.’

But my memories of the girl identity seem to outnumber my memories from her.

She had two boyfriend’s.

The first ‘boyfriend’ was the one that the fiancée tried to talk into seducing the girl. This boyfriend was, as he declared at the time, a crossdresser. They kissed but stopped short of intimacy. He told the girl much later about the fiancée’s request of him. He was such a beautiful person. It is painful to think that if the fiancée had not attempted a plot, she may have got what she wanted anyway. Then the girl and her boyfriend may have begun a relationship that would have saved the girl from going to that party in her city (the boyfriend lived in yet another city). He was so beautiful and caring that it hurts to think of the loss.

The relationship with the second boyfriend (did you already guess, still another city?) was early in the forgotten years and after the fiancée had broken off the engagement. They met in his city only once. They started to get intimate, but this came to an awkward end because this (male) body is allergic to – the official term is ‘seminal fluid hypersensitivity’ (it is rare in men, to be effectively allergic to themselves, but what else is new with this body?). It leaves this body with painful burns that last for hours. It can be dangerous if it causes swelling around the airway, which was very nearly the way it was discovered. Fortunately, it does not cause anaphylaxis in this body. It does tend to ruin the mood for good, however. That relationship ended abruptly.

Seminal fluid hypersensitivity also added a level of brutality to the rape that the rapists could not have foreseen. Not that they may have cared. (It was a food allergy that more slowly resulted in similar burns, that brought the flashbacks  that preceded or precipitated the end of the full amnesia.)

*

There are the forgotten years. The hospitalizations. The apparent misdiagnosis of the now-deprecated “gender identity confusion.”

And then there is me.

I still feel awkward to think this way, but I am the integrated identity of the boy, the girl, the child, et al. Al, but for the identity fragment. I developed in a state of amnesia, but this paragraph is better covered in earlier posts.

I present as male. According to the S.A.G.E. (gender) test, for what that is worth, I have androgynous brain processes and I socialize as female. I do not feel especially one way or the other on the matter. I present as male because it is the easiest, not because it is necessarily more fitting or comfortable for me. I have said before that I would be most comfortable to have no gender or sexuality. I am no more attached to these things than I am to my name. [I forgot that I cut the paragraph where I wrote about my dis-attachment to my name. It was overly tangential.]

I consider myself pansexual and panromantic. But I do not necessarily keep up with the terminology. I carry trauma over male presences in sexual situations, so these identifications are mostly moot.

My current partner, my wife, declares herself to be straight. She demonstrates (and denies) an attraction to strong lesbian women. She is what she declares herself to be, and I will not dismiss what she says. I will only point out that she was first attracted to me when I was still more feminine than I am now (not that I am especially masculine today).

I love my wife. She is so beautiful and she grows more beautiful every year. She appears to have similar issues with memory to mine. It is not so much of an issue for her that my identity is a little fluid. We have our challenges and conflicts and whatnot, but we have been together for nearly all of my identity. We could have been made for each other. Whatever may have been, I am glad to be here with her now.

*

I find it exhausting to socialize with men. It requires so much fakery. I can do it and appear comfortable doing so, but I have to be guarded against appearing too feminine. I have to be similarly guarded with women, but they are less likely to notice when I slip. They are also less likely to jump to the conclusion that I am being less masculine because I want to get into their pants, the conclusion men often jump to. Telling guys that they are definitely not my type does little to improve the situation.

One female friend was delighted when I slipped and she thought I was her new gay best friend. She was trying to hook me up with her other gay best friend (apparently she had a collection) before she moved away. (I wonder if he was as bewildered as I was.)

Sexuality is a headache I could do without. I mostly just want friends. I do not want the acrobatics of entanglement and/or disentanglement. I just want meaningful conversations that never lead to bed, or that never end because someone is afraid that it may lead to bed.

Of course I am sexual. But I would give it up in an instant, if it would take that barrier to meaningful friendships away with it.

*

I can find vestiges of the girl identity within me today. Some are complications, but only because of the world.

[askthestabbystabbysquad]

Them searching for their misplaced weapons and finding out their s/o had sharpened, polished, overall cleaned it up for them?

Michael: Where was it? Where the hell did he put it? He wasn’t visiting the others, so Norman couldn’t possibly be washing it by accident again. And Billy wouldn’t be able to take it. So where was it? He ran his fingers through the hair on top of his mask, then pulled the mask off. It was hot. His s/o had turned the heat WAY up and he couldn’t handle it. He looked around, sharp eyes studying every surface to find his knife. “Oh! Michael! Hey, you looking for this?” He turned to look at his s/o, who held his knife in the air carefully, their smaller hand wrapped around the handle carefully. “I hope you don’t mind that I fixed it up for you. It looked like it was getting dull and it had a nasty stain on it. I’m pretty sure that washing it is going to prevent the blood from rusting it.” He relaxed and walked towards them, taking the treasured knife and leaning down to give them a little peck on the forehead. His way of thanking them involved more shows of affection than usual, and he had a habit of gently resting his head against theirs for a few seconds, and just staring into their eyes. He did so for longer than usual. 

Jason: He was panicking. That machete is important to him! It’s one of the last things he has that belonged to mama! He started breathing heavily, when his so ran into the room. “JASON CALM DOWN!!” They held out the shiny and sharpened machete to him, practically shoving it in his hands. They hugged him and gently rubbed his back. “Calm down. I know how important this machete is to you and I figured I’d fix it up for you. There was a big crack running down the handle, so I got it replaced. I kept the old one for you, just in case. Are you okay?” He sighed and relaxed against his s/o. They’d worried him too. He thought that they’d been abducted or something similar when he woke up and they weren’t there. He liked having them in the same room as him, so he could protect them. So he’d gone to get his machete but he couldn’t find it. He was now calmed down, and decided a good cuddle was in order. He wrapped his big arms around them and carried them to the couch, then flopped down and curled up next to them. They laughed. “Alright big guy. I’m sorry. You’re right, this is good payment for scaring you like that.” 

Freddy: He roared on anger, tearing the drawers open and searching through them. His glove had been taken RIGHT OFF OF HIS FUCKING HAND!! Someone was going to pay. He then heard a giggle and wiped around to see his s/o. “Looking for this?” They held their hand up, wearing his glove, which had obliviously been sharpened and cleaned up. He stomped up to them. “Don’t you fucking touch my glove!” “What? Why? I just wanted to fix it up for you. I though the blades might get too rusted and then they’d break, so I fixed it up...” They looked down at their feet. “I’m sorry...” They handed the glove to him, the smile gone from their face. He sighed and hugged them. “Alright, I appreciate it. I’m sorry, I just lost my cool there for a second. I understand you didn’t mean any harm, but fuck, if it had been a dangerous situation, I might not have been able to save your sorry ass.” They raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?” “You heard me!” They hit him with a pillow. “Fine! Jeez, you make me so damn angry at times, I swear...” He laughed. “Mission accomplished!” He tossed the pillow at their face, hitting his mark. An all-out pillow war then broke out. 

Pinhead: He’d accidentally left hooks on his s/o’s table and had come back to find many more than he left, the older ones had been restored too. He was confused, and decided to confront his s/o about it. They were peacefully sleeping in their bed, blankets piled high on them. It had apparently been a cold night. He gently shook them awake. “Darling, did you restore my hooks and buy me new ones?” “Hm? Your hooks?” They mumbled something else and sat up. “The ones on the table?” “Yes.” “Oh. Yeah. I guess I forgot to put them away. I was going to give them back on Christmas, y’know, as a present.” They mumbled sleepily, their eyes half-closed, before they yawned and stretched, then wrapped their arms around his neck. “I guess happy early Christmas.” He chuckle din amusement and hugged them back. “Thank you dear. That was kind, but unnecessary.”  “I know, but I wanted to.” 

Leatherface: He looked in shock at the wall where his chainsaw was supposed to be hanging. It was always there! Never out of his sight! His s/o came into the room, tiptoeing and carrying the chainsaw. They hung it carefully back on the wall and sighed. He sat up, humming in confusion, startling them. “JESUS THOMAS!!” They sat back down by his feet on the bed. “You startled me! I, uh, didn’t know you were awake. Did I wake you?” He shook his head, then pointed at the chainsaw. “Oh, what was I doing with that? Well, uh, long story short, I replaced the chain and refiled it. Not to mention got it all fixed up. It was pretty beat up and I wanted it to be a surprise for when you woke up...” He squealed and wrapped his arms around his s/o happily. They laughed and hugged him back. “I’m glad you like it!” They laughed again and stood, stretching and yawning. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to regain the six hours of sleep I lost trying to fix it up.” They kissed his cheek and flopped down on their side of the bed. He curled up with them and held them close, absolutely beaming. “G’night Thomas. Love you.” He nuzzled them and let them fall asleep. He planned to repay this kind act. 

Hannibal: He blinked at the brand new knives in the knife block. The cutlery had been completely replaced with expensive-looking silverware. His old sets were in a new china cabinet. His s/o was probably the culprit. In fact, he could see the receipt sticking out of the trash can. He read the end of it, seeing a total that made his head spin. His s/o had spent THAT much money on him? He surely had to pay them back! He rushed out the door and grabbed his keys. He knew what to get them. He just hoped it would still be there. When he got home with the little carrier covered by a blanket, he hoped his s/o would still be asleep. But they stood in the kitchen, their favourite coffee cup in their hands, intently reading a book that they must have brought from work. He cleared his throat. “Oh, good morning Hannibal. Where were you?” “I would like to thank you for the new cutlery, and the china cabinet. So I went and got you a present to do so. I wanted it to be a surprise, but, well... That clearly won’t be the case.” He motioned them over and put the carrier down. His s/o slowly got up and briefly limped towards him before resuming a regular stride. He waited until they knelt down next to him to pull the blanket off and reveal a small German Sheppard puppy. They gasped and looked at him in shock. “Hannibal! Oh my god! It’s so cute! Thank you!” They hugged him eagerly, before letting the small puppy out and showering it in affection. “Does it have a name?” “How about you name it darling?” They laughed and hugged him again, holding the puppy close. “I think I’ll name him Earl Gray.” “Why?” “Because that was what kind of tea you reminded me of the first time we met.” They admitted, smiling.

Norman: He panicked. The knife, the knife. WHERE WAS THE KNIFE?!? He tore through drawers and then dishwasher in the motel kitchen. He let out a wail and then collapsed to the floor. “Norman, what on earth are you doing?” “I-I lost the knife... I can’t find the knife!” He looked up in pure panic at his s/o. They knew which knife he was talking about. “Oh, you mean, this knife?” They held up the large kitchen knife and flashed him a smile. “I figured that it needed a good sharpening and really thorough clean. You’re welcome.” They put the knife on the counter and walked away as he wailed in despair and content. “I thought I-I would b-be a g-g-goner!” “I wouldn’t ever let that happen Norman.” His so called back, a laugh in their voice. He stood and cleared his throat before chasing after his s/o. He hugged them from behind, sighing in contempt. “T-thank you y/n. I appreciate it.” They laughed again. “Norman, you almost passed out last night. It’s the least I can do.” They smiled, kissing his cheek and hugging him. He relaxed into the hug and smiled. 

David: He basically has switchblades in his mouth. Two very sharp fangs. There’s no way those can be taken care of more than he does. All he needs to do is brush his teeth to keep them clean. So he was surprised when his s/o came riding up in a truck, his bike in the back of it, covered in a tarp. “So, I know you love your bike, and that it’s getting kinda slow for you at times. So I decided to do something nice for you...” They pulled the tarp off to reveal his cleaned, polished and upgraded bike. “We got a custom made engine and it should run twice as fast as it did before.” “Oh my god babe...” “Yeah?” “BABE!!” He picked them up and twirled the around in the air, laughing and hugging them. They squealed and held onto him. “Thanks! You didn’t have to though.” He laughed and held them, hugging them close to his chest. They were off the ground, their legs wrapped around his waist. “Really, thank you so much.” They smiled nervously. “So, maybe you can teach me how to ride it...?” He laughed. “Of COURSE I can teach you!” He down. “Looks like it did the day I bought it!” He laughed. “Jeez, you’re like a little kid on Christmas!” “Babe, I’m still a kid a heart!” They snorted and gently punched his shoulder. “Yeah, sure thing, old man.”

Billy: He gawked at the shiny new hunting knife, sitting next to his old, cleaned up and replaced hunting knife. “O-oh my god. A-am I dead?” His sleepy s/o laughed. “Yeah, sure thing Billy. You’re dead. In fact, you’ve been dead for centuries, this is all just a figment of your imagination as your soul is tortured for an eternity.” “BABE!!” He squealed and jumped up and down. “IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou!!” They laughed as he picked them both up and struck a pose. “Babe, baby, darling, love of my life. Take a picture of me. D I look dangerous? I look dangerous don’t I?” Words bubbled out of his mouth as excitement jumped up into his throat. His voice was getting louder and louder, but his s/o obeyed with his wishes, laughing hysterically. “Oh my god Billy, that makes you look like you’re an extremely dangerous and sexy movie villain!” “Who?” “Oh, I dunno. Predator?” “YES!!” He jumped up and down. The excitement continued, even after his first kill with the new knife.  

Stu: Stu hugged his s/o, and surprised them. They had been sharpening a brand new hunting knife for him as a present for his birthday, but now they say on the bathroom counter, a bandage over the bleeding cut. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” “It’s fine. You’ve got to be stealthy in your line of work.” “Indeed I do!” “And you need to be deadly in your line of work!” “Yes!” “You need to have a trustworthy weapon!” “OF course m’lady!” They spoke increasingly louder, and in increasingly sillier accents, before erupting into laughter. “That’s what you were doing?” “Yeah, that’s what I was doing. Prepare yourself to meet... SIR STABULOUS!!!” The killer laughed, resting his head on his s/o’s collar bone. “Hey, don’t die on me now! I need you to cuddle meeeeeee!! You promised!!” They both laughed louder and harder, almost falling off the counter and toilet. “Holy damn!” “I’M NOT WORTHY!!” “ NEITHER AM I!!” “Wait, we should probably quiet down a bit...” They stared at each-other with grim expressions, before his s/o snorted and they both burst into laughter.

Carrie: Her s/o had given her more flowers. Again. She can manipulate objects and get them to move across whole buildings. She doesn’t need a knife or gun or anything like that. “So... Carrie.” “Hm?” “I noticed that you’ve been really jumpy lately, and I decided to get you something.” “Oh?” They held back a snigger and held out a flower. “What’s this?” “It’s a surprise...” She leaned in to look at a little detail on one of the petals when she was shot in the face with water. She screamed and fell back, her s/o collapsing and laughing hysterically. She found herself joining in. “You big jerk!” “I love you too!” They then proceeded to have a water gun fight wit the flower and the sink. Carrie, of course, won by a landslide. 

Samara: Her tape sat in the garbage can in her s/o’s house. She felt anger and confusion rise. “Oh! Samara! Hey! I’ve got a surprise for you!” She slowly turned around, glaring. Her s/o’s bright, smiling face dropped. “What’s wrong?” She slowly pointed at the garbage can. “Oh! That!” They laughed. “I noticed that I was getting really beat up, so I took it in and got it fit into another tape for you! See?” They held out a brand new tape, smiling brightly again. Samara ran her fingers over it, feeling the familiar hum of energy her tape gave off to her. She was pleasantly surprised. She’d noticed that some of her targets had a hard time loading the tape, and had thought about relocating, but this was a pleasant surprise. 

[bluesfortheredj]

Hope this is fluffy enough! "Morning!" You said as you walked on set and smiled at everyone. The crew smiled and waved back at you as you walked past them to the dressing rooms. You opened the door to yours and Norman was sitting there on the couch, then jumped up as soon as you came in. "Hey, sorry, I was waiting for you," he rambles as he moves the cushions back to where they were before he sat. "Hey! That's alright, what did you want?" You smile, nodding for him to sit down again, then joining him in the sofa. "Just wanted to go through a few of the lines before we head on set today. You feeling alright about the scene?" He asks, knowing that today was a passionate scene between the two of you as your characters finally realise they like each other. You hoped that this would happen in real life as well, having fancied Norman for years, and now getting to work with him just made it worse. "Umm, yeah, that's probably a good idea actually," you stumble on your words as you remember the kiss in the script and wonder if you'd get to practice that as well. Norman sat there thinking the exact same thing as you, but would never admit it, at least not yet anyway. "Ok, awesome, do you want to go from the top of the page?" He asks, and you nod as your eyes scan the page. You start reading lines out and quickly get to the part where you're supposed to kiss. You both look up at each other shyly, your faces flushed red. Norman leans into you and you start to mirror his actions, then just before your lips touch there's a knock on the door. "Fuck's sake," you sigh, and see Norman laugh a little as he echoes those words in his head. "Hi, just to let you know you've got 10 minutes until you need to be on set," a runner says. "Thank you!" You say, shutting the door behind you. As you go and sit back down next to Norman, he puts the script on the table and leans over to kiss you, swiftly planting his lips on yours. "I'm so sorry," he says, pulling away, "I'll see you out there." Then within seconds he's disappeared out of the door. You sit there, tracing your index finger along your lips, trying to feel his again. You pull yourself together and head out to set, seeing Norman standing there biting his thumb. "Positions please," the director calls out. You take your place next to Norman and the countdown begins to the scene starting. You say your lines, and again it gets to the kiss. Norman looks at you a little hesitantly, then launches himself at you and pushes you against the wall. You moan into his mouth as his tongue dominates yours and your hands slide into his hair, gripping tightly. He grinds into you and you respond back, pushing your hips into his. "And cut!" You pull apart slowly, looking at each other embarrassed, and Norman smiles at you sweetly. Your heart beats faster as you smile back, and as he goes to say something he stops himself. The rest of the shoot goes quickly, soon you're at the end of the day, packing up your in your dressing room. There's a quiet tap at the door and Norman pokes his head around the corner. "Hey, want to walk out together?" He asks. "Yeah, one second," you smile as you put your phone in your pocket and swing your bag up onto your shoulder. You join him out in the corridor and walk out to the parking lot together in silence. As you get to your car, you turn to face Norman and look up into his blue eyes. "I, erm-" Norman starts, but he stops when he sees you looking behind him suddenly. "Sasa? What are you doing here?" You ask the figure hovering behind Norman. He turns around to face the man as you stand there confused. "I'm sorry Norman, this is an old friend," you say. "That's okay, I'd better off anyway. Have fun catching up," he smiles sadly, walking off to his bike. You want to chase after him, but you stay stuck as you are, staring at this person from your past. "Why are you here?" You ask. "Nice to see you too," Sasa laughs. "Well, it's just, I didn't expect this. How come you're here?" "Do I have to have a reason to see an ex girlfriend now?" "I guess not. How have you been?" You ask. Being so distracted with Sasa, you don't notice Norman circling around the back of the cars to hear what you two were talking about. As soon as he heard the words ex girlfriend, a pang of jealousy hit him. He was going to have to say something now before it was too late, a guy wouldn't just look up his ex without a motive. Was he going too far? Listening in on your conversation felt wrong, but he was worried about you, wanted to protect you from everything. "Do you want to go get dinner?" Sasa asks, stroking your arm, then taking your hand in his. Norman walks around again to make it look as if he was walking back inside, remembering he left something in his dressing room. "Hey, (Y/N), we still on for dinner tonight?" He asks as he strolls past, hoping you get the idea. "Yes! Of course, I'll see you later," you reply, then looking it Sasa and shaking your head. "I'm sorry, I can't do this. It's one thing messaging me, it's another turning up out of the blue like this." You walk to your car and get in, watching in your rear view mirror as he saunters back into the shadows. A couple of minutes later Norman taps on your window and you open the door for him to get in. "Thanks," you smile. "What for?" "Saving me from a horribly awkward conversation," you laugh. "Who was that guy?" "An old... ex... he'd been messaging for a while, but I didn't answer, so it's a little weird he turned up," you explain. "Listen, I know this is probably the last thing you wanna hear right now, but I really like you," Norman mumbles. "I like you too." "I mean, I really like you. I've fallen for you," he clarifies, thinking you mean it as a friend. "Ha, yes, and I still stand by what I said," you chuckle. "Oh! Really? That's cool," he says, blushing hard. "Lets get dinner." "Back to mine and order pizza?" He offers. "You know I can't say no to that." "Leave your car, we'll take my bike," he says, getting out and walking towards his bike. You follow and hop on behind him, gripping tightly onto his waist as he starts up the bike. When you get to his, he helps you off the back and leads you inside. "How long have you, erm, liked me?" You ask hesitantly. "Forever," he answers without even thinking about the question. "Oh. Right," you say, taken aback by how quick he was to reply. "And same question to you," he nods. "Forever," you whisper. He smiles up at you as you take off your coat and sit down on the sofa. He takes a seat next to you and lifts your legs onto his lap, stroking his thumb on them softly. His eyes don't leave your face as you take in your surroundings, the way his fingers feel on your legs, the way this whole situation feels natural. He watches intently as your eyes start to close, the long day finally catching up on you, resting your head back against the cushion as you drift off to sleep. @negan-dixon @sapphire1727 @jodiereedus22 @reedusteinrambles @blondielovesr5-blog @whovianwalker1999 @cbarter @dixonreedusfangirlforever @coffeebooksandfandom @serfyan18 @kjs1939 @teamrick @princessxpunk @addiction-survivor25 @dixon-daryl

[neversaw-youcoming]

The Mysterious Death of Mildred Button

“I just do not understand why you wanted to come to this sort of distasteful spectacle, Charles.” Emma Darwin sighed.

“Now darling, you are always asking me to get out of my study and spend more time with you and the children. It’s supposed to be a fun day out for us.” Charles Darwin looked at his wife eagerly. “And this way I do not have to get on another boat to the colonies to study these exotics savages like I did in my youth on the Beagle.”

Excitement glistened in Darwin’s eyes as he walked up a dusty path to a large striped tent ahead, with the words Behold, Human Freaks! painted in large letters on the sign hung above. “Some of my colleagues have mentioned there is this girl here that is covered in hair like an ape! They say she is the missing link that will turn my next book into an even bigger breakthrough than On the Origin of Species! Oh, I do hope they are correct.”

Emma held her tongue when she saw how excited her husband was. She hated his work and how it drew a big wedge between him and God, but what was she to do she had no control over him? The nights she had spent aching and praying for his soul seemed countless. It took a while but she had come to terms with the fact that he was not going to stop his research, for it was a hunger inside to learn that drove him.[1] She had come to accept his work with animal species, but hearing that he was trying to broaden his theory to people made her scared and wistful for the time when mollusks and barnacles were all he talked about.

“Run along children, and do not touch anyone!” she called ahead, squeezing her husband’s hand a bit tighter as he paid and they ducked under the flap into a dark space lit up by torches on the walls of the tent. The Darwin’s stood together by the back of the tent as their vision adjusted to the dim lights. The murmur of the crowd grew louder as the curtain on stage shook.

A man in a top hat and a dirty brown suit waltzed onto stage, “Ladies and Gentleman!” the booming voice echoed around them.

“Here we go!” Charles said pulling out an old notebook and pencil from his coat pocket. He flipped through pages and pages of notes scratched into the paper for his next book, The Descent of Man. He settled on a blank page when the crowd hushed.

“What you are now about to see is proof of the remarkability of man!” the announcer bellowed. “My name is Tom Norman and I’m here to show you the one and only Mr. Joseph Merrick, the Elephant Man!”[2] The curtain dropped and the crowd gasped at the sight of the deformed man on stage.

“Good heavens!” Mrs. Darwin exclaimed, hiding her face in her husband’s chest, the wool fabric tickling her face.

“How fascinating!” Mr. Darwin said, stepping forward through the crowd to get a better view.

“Oh you are mad as hops!” Emma called after him, but is drowned out by the murmuring spreading through the crowd from the sight of the man on stage in front of them. Merrick stood in his refined Sunday’s best, breathing loudly like a dog panting in the sun. A couple of women ran towards the exit at the sight of him, and a mother was shushing her crying child.

“Now do not be afraid me friends!” Mr. Norman exclaimed. “Do not to despise or condemn this man on account of his unusual appearance. Remember,” he asserted, “we do not make ourselves, and were you to cut or prick Joseph … he would bleed, and that bleed or blood would be red, the same as yours or mine.”[3] An air of awe swept over the crowd as Merrick gave them a bow. “I want you to look into your hearts and see that this man is the most remarkable human being ever to draw the breath of life! For he is not a monster but a master work of nature!” [4]

Charles scribbled a description of Merrick into his notebook, “enormous and misshapened head. From the brow there projected a huge bony mass like a loaf, while from the back of the head hung a bag of spongy, fungous-looking skin…”[5] Mr. Norman continued to work the crowd in the background, telling them how Merrick was a working man from right there in England, and earned his living just like the rest of us.[6]

The Darwin’s walked hand in hand together, looking at the other freaks on display, waiting for the next one on the main stage. The torches flickered on the wall. “How about that? Do you think it was some sort of accident?” Emma asked Charles.

“Actually ma’am, I was born this way.”

“Oh my! I am sorry I did not think you could hear me.” Mrs. Darwin said, startled to be interacting with the man that appeared to have no arms or legs at all. Sat on a trunk, he wore a garment that resembled a sock along his whole body.

“Happens all the time don’t worry about it,” the man said in a gruff voice, “the name’s Prince Randian but I’m known here as The Snake Man. Want to see me roll a cigarette?”[7] He grabs a small glass jar of tobacco with his mouth from the side of his trunk and used his shoulder to hold the paper in place as he sprinkled the tobacco inside.

“My good sir, where do you come from?” Charles asked.

Prince Radian managed to get the cigarette into his mouth and light it. “British Guinea.”[8] Darwin scribbled in his journal.

“Now, may I have your undivided attention as I present the missing link in our evolution, all the way from Laos, Krao!”[9] Norman bellowed once again on stage.

“Oh I must see this!” Charles said, grabbing his wife’s hand and weaving his way through the crowd. “What a fascinating find!” he sighed, observing the girl on stage covered completely in thick dark hair. The show had dressed her up in a blue dress fitting of a girl her age, something Mrs. Darwin would have made their daughter Annie wear.

“Krao here is an eight year old girl, and a perfect specimen of the step between man and monkey!”[10] Mrs. Darwin was appalled at the claim this dirty freak show owner was making, who seemed to be a big fan of her husband. “Who here has read On the Origin of Species?” Norman asked the crowd. Charles eyes lit up with glee as he turned to his wife when a light cheer ran through the audience, not letting the several sounds of displeasure get to him. “Well, I am sure Mr. Darwin would agree that this girl here with her primitive, hairy body, fits his theory to a tee.”

“What a remarkable creature!” Darwin turns to his wife as the stage show continues. “This is exactly what I needed to finish my evidence collection on my next book. It is the key to my theory.”

“You know how I feel about this, Charles.” Emma sighed.

“I am sorry, my dear, but no honorable man shall accuse me of concealing my views once I finish this book.”[11] He says triumphantly. “My views have often been grossly misrepresented, bitterly opposed and ridiculed.” [12]

“Maybe you should write a clarification of what you believe next, if you are so concerned about your legacy here on earth.” Emma rolled her eyes at her husband.

“You are angry with me?”

“The habit in scientific pursuits of believing nothing till it is proved, influence your mind too much. The situation that has befallen that girl is likely to be above our comprehension. The existence of God cannot be proved in the same way as all your studies.”[13]

“Darling, I cannot deny my own mind. When I am dead, know that many times, I have kissed and cried over this,[14] but I cannot avoid the belief that man must come under the same law.”[15] He put his arm around Emma just as a crash echoed from the stage.

           Gasps ran through the audience with the realization that the Bearded Lady, who had just walked on stage, collapsed. Her pink dress was strewn across the floor and Tom Norman was knelt next to her, lightly slapping the sides of her face to try and revive her. He stood up, “Alright now, stay calm everyone. Some find the Lady Isabella!” he shouted over the commotion. The Bearded Lady came to, and was handed a glass of water by Krao.

           Suddenly, a woman in a purple and orange oriental gown and turban burst through the flap of the tent.[16] Distressed and hands covered in blood she yells out “Mildred Button is dead!”

Chaos erupted in the crowd, which Norman started to usher out of the tent. “Sorry folks, due to unknown circumstances the rest of the shows are canceled for today!”

Two men in suits approach Norman, “Excuse me, we were here for the show but we are detectives with local law enforcement and are here to help with this apparent murder of one of your performers is it?”[17]

“Yes, yes,” said Norman, still in shock. He grabbed one of the detectives by the arm and said, “she was our only dwarf in the show. Look, I have as little information as you do we are going to have to talk to the Lady Isabella.” Tom Norman began to steer the detectives towards the Lady Isabella while Emma Darwin gathers her kids to leave. Charles started to follow behind them when the detective with a mustache stopped him.

“I am sorry, sir, but do you happen to be Charles Darwin? I recognize you from the paper,” the detective remarks.

“Oh yes, lovely to meet you. I will be getting out of your way.” Darwin tried to duck past the man.

“Actually sir, I was wondering if you would stick around for the investigation? My friend here Arthur Weaver is a consulting detective for the force whose a scientist and we have found that the more scientists we have at an investigation the faster we can solve it.”[18]

Darwin hesitates for a moment, “alright then, but I must get back to my family soon.” The detective holds out his hand to Charles “The name is John, John Fisher. It’s an honor to meet you, sir.”

The two walk over to Norman and Isabella who was animatedly talking to Detective Weaver. “She claims she went into the female freak’s tent to talk to Ms. Button about the show they were doing together tonight and found her bleeding heavily from between her legs,” Detective Weaver says to his partner.

“She was dead when I found her! There was no way she was pregnant or nothing! She never even had her first menarche the doctors think she was too small,” Lady Isabella explained to the detectives.

“Lady Isabella is basically the manager of the female freaks here, knows all their medical information and keeps them all fresh and healthy for the shows,” Norman said.

“Actually I feel her spirit here with us!” Lady Isabella exclaimed.

“Huh?” said Darwin.

“She is also out in house medium. Sell out shows every week,” Norman said proudly.

“A medium, say,” Fisher inquires, “why don’t you just talk to Mildred’s spirit and she can tell ya why she is dead.”

“Yes! We must hold a séance!” The two detectives nod in agreement as Darwin tried to figure out he became a part of the side show act.

All but one torch was blown out and the five of them sat around a table with Lady Isabella at the head of it. “I ask you to all join hands and open yourself to the realm beyond,” the Lady Isabella said. Charles Darwin could not believe the scene he had gotten himself into but decided to play along and close his eyes.

“I call to you Mildred Button. Come to us and illuminate what brought you to such an untimely end.” The Lady Isabella started to take larger and larger breaths and it seemed that everyone else had stopped breathing. This single torch on the wall flickered fast. “Yes, my girl! Speak through me!”

           A shiver seemed to pass through Lady Isabella as the table started to shake. Suddenly the table stopped and the Lady Isabella’s eyes snapped open. Her whole demeanor changed from commanding to scared.[19] “There was this doctor…” Darwin’s eyes snapped open at the voice. It had come from the Lady Isabella’s mouth but it was not her own. This voice was timid and of a higher pitch, not unlike a little girl or dwarf women he assumed. Goose bumps spread up his arms, he tried to tell himself it was the body’s natural reaction to the unknown and he was not actually afraid there was a spirit talking through the women beside him.  

           “There was this doctor who said he was going to cure me,” the voice continued. “He had come to check on all of the women, but he spent extra time on me because I was feeling down about work and had these coughing fits recently. I heard the mention of hysteria. I am not crazy!” [20]the voice seemed distressed.

           “Who was the doctor, what happened?” Detective Weaver asked.

           “I do not remember much, but it was very painful and when I woke up I no longer felt like a women.” A tear rolled down Lady Isabella’s face. “A week of pain went by that just got worse, and today I could not even walk. The incisions he made down there in me were swollen, and then there was a tearing, and the blood would not stop coming. I tried to call for help but everyone was at the show.”

           “Do you know who the Doctor was, Mildred Button? We cannot solve your murder unless you tell us who treated you here,” Fisher exclaimed.

           The Lady Isabella had tears streaming down her face. The voice came through with the sound of pure anger. “It was Dr. Baker Brown,” it hissed.

The Lady Isabella’s head collapsed onto the table. She looked up, appearing to be out of her trance. “God Almighty in heaven, rest her soul. That was the man who saw the Bearded Woman! I heard her go on and on about some cure, I thought she was talking nonsense!” Lady Isabella explained, voice back to normal.

The detectives looked back and forth at each other. “Are you thinking what I am thinking?” Detective Fisher asks his partner.

“That is the man we had been getting multiple reports about!” Detective Weaver shouted, slamming his palms on the table and getting up. “We can use Mildred Button’s death to finally end that Ratbag! This will make our careers!” He slapped his buddy on the arm.

The detectives shook the hands of Norman and Lady Isabella. “We will try to pin him for murder, but if that does not stick we will at least be able to get him for destruction of property for your freak show because you lost an act,” Detective Fisher said. “We must get going but we will update you guys when we can.” The two detectives ducked out of the tent together.

“I best be going,” Darwin said. “I am glad you will be getting justice for your friend Mildred, a man as dastardly as that deserves to be off the street for good. You cannot force evolution by removing part of a being.” He shook hands with Norman.

Charles Darwin turned to Lady Isabella. “I do not know what you just did there ma’am, but my wife is always telling me that there are things on this Earth that are truly beyond our comprehension and I think you might be the first proof I have found of that.” She smiled at him as he walked out of the tent to tell his wife and kids a new fantastic story to match those from his youth.  

[1] Charles Darwin, The Autobiography of Charles Darwin, 1958, 197.

[2] Nadja Durbach, “Monstrosity, Masculinity, and Medicine: Re-Examining the Elephant Man,” Cultural and Social History, 2012, 201.

[3] Durbach, “Monstrosity, Masculinity, and Medicine,” 201.

[4] Ibid, 201.

[5] Ibid, 194.

[6] Ibid, 202.

[7] “Prince Randian: Biography,” International Movie Database, 2017.

[8] Ibid.

[9] Nadja Durbach, “The Missing Link and the Hairy Belle: Krao and the Victorian Discourses of Evolution, Imperialism and Primitive Sexuality,” Victorian Freaks, 2008, 1.

[10] Ibid, 1.

[11] Darwin, The Autobiography of Charles Darwin, 107.

[12] Ibid, 103.

[13] Ibid, 198.

[14] Ibid, 199.

[15] Ibid, 107.

[16] Arthur Conan Doyle, The Sign of Four, 2001.

[17] Ibid.

[18] Conan Doyle, The Sign of Four.

[19] Alex Owen, “The Darkened Room: Women, Power, and Spiritualism in Late Victorian England,” The New Cultural Studies Series, 1990.

[20] Isaac Baker Brown, “On the Curability of Certain Forms of Insanity, Catalepsy, and Hysteria in Females,” 1866.