#then made fun of me for being autistic like its a bad thing

[i-am-going-to-skream]

Today i was reminded of how annoying people can be and how they are inferior to animals.

Sure my cat might piss on everything bc he’s a dickhead. But at least he doesn’t call me slurs, tell me to kms repeatedly, and act like an edgy child tryna look cool.

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I would give anything to watch Fantasy High for the first time again. You have no idea how serious this is to me. Literally anything

[toonfinatic]

Being into popular things is fun because there's lots of content but also stress inducing because some people think it gives them a pass to ridicule and harass the fans because they personally do not like said popular media :')

[scattered-winter]

woooooo that late night infinite loneliness is hitting again lads

[inbabylontheywept]

your life stories are always so interesting so i shall poke a stick into the cage and ask for more. do you have any fun stories of near death experiences? personally i choked on a lifesaver as a child and could not breathe

personally? not really. ive got a pretty decent hospital story though.

see, my grandpa was in charge of the easter pageant in my state. its a big mormon thing, a lot of other churches come because its just good easter worship. anyway, in part of the pageant, theres a pony for jesus and mary to ride around on. technically supposed to be a donkey, but ponys are just so much more photogenic. anyway this happened when my little sister was going through her little-girl-pony phase, so this was so major-league shit to her. so much so that my grandpa, who i still miss so much, brought this pony to our house so she could ride it.

my little brother? he also wanted to ride it. and i didnt really want to ride it, but they were both so small someone kind of needed to hold those two onboard, and i was the lighest person capable of doing so, (didnt want to overload the pony) so i went on the back too.

and it was a stellar time until the donkey went under a tree, then my little sister hit her head on a branch and fell left, and her fall took my little brother out because he was holding onto her, and both of them took me out, so we all fell off the pony, but me with 2 kids on my left arm.

god blessed me with a third elbow that day.

here are the things that followed after the Miracle of the Third Elbow

my autistic dad came outside to check on me. id broken my arm the year before, so i knew what it was, and i knew what it felt like, so i was able to pretty clearly go "yeah, dad, i broke my arm." and he was able to go "whew. yeah. thats like, harry potter broken." and i was able to say "yeah. yeah it hurts pretty bad." and he said "oh, yeah, definitely. that looks horrible." and then i basically said something like "hopital" and he was like "right" and then we left. my memory after that gets weird.

i can remember driving up main street, and seeing this guy dancing. like, full on dancing down the street. and i asked my dad about why that guy was dancing, and he said that man was a schizophrenic, and he was medicated, but the medication had just made it so that his voices told him to dance instead of hurt himself. now he danced all the time. i should clarify that my dad worked in the ER so he knew a lot of the local homeless on a life-story kind of level. my dads a good guy.

i can remember sitting in the waiting room with a magician that had sliced his right hand open pretty bad while cooking. he was trying his best to keep us entertained with his cards, but because he was doing all his tricks left handed, he'd mess them up sometimes and it was actually kind of more fun to watch than just him in expert mode. another good guy. very friendly, but visibly repulsed by my arm.

i can remember being in a bed, and a nurse coming up to me and saying that they could give me some painkillers, which i was super stoked about, but the IV from the painkillers basically required being stabbed with a needle as thick around as a pencil. she recomended saying the alphabet backwards when she put the needle in, and i said i didn't know how, and then she stuck in the needle in. over 4 seconds i was able to go from z to c, a feat i have never since been able to replicate.

after the painkillers, i watched a tv show called Jackie Chan Adventures, which was an animated cartoon with an animated Jackie Chan, voiced by the real Jackie Chan, solving mysteries. i actually assumed that whole thing was a hallucination until i was an adult, and i was describing it to my wife, and she was like "no, that actually happened." which was funny to happen to me, because when me and her started dating, she just kind of dropped how awesome it was that obama was the first muslim president, and i was like what, no hes an episcopalian, and it turns out that her dad, who sucks for many reasons, had told her that obama was a muslim, and she was sweet enough to believe that, and also to just be like oh, neat, our president is black and a muslim, we are truly moving forward as a counry." i love her so much.

no memories of it after that. not even sure when i got home. just a straight up weird time.

[saturdaynightspecialpresentation]

Poor Things

First of all, Emma Stone’s performance is as good as everybody is saying. Stone takes a very difficult role that easily could have gone very, very wrong and makes it look like the most effortless thing in the world.

I have been looking at the reviews, good and bad, and I think that the minority of people who didn’t vibe with this movie had slightly skewed expectations.

Poor Things starts out at Tetsuo The Iron Man levels of fucked up, but by the end it has dropped to Edward Scissor hands levels of fucked up. This is probably plenty of weirdness for the average movie-goer, but true connoisseurs of mondo cinema should calibrate their expectations.

Second, apparently this is being talked up as a sort of feminist coming of age fable chronicling an everywoman’s sexual awakening and liberation, and it really isn’t that, and I think if you are hoping for that you’ll come away disappointed.

Better, I think, to look at it as an autistic coming of age fable and power fantasy, which I think it does a tremendous job at.

Very minor spoilers under the cut; really, this is more an essay about what I thought the film was about than a review, my review would be that it's somehow simultaneously a feel-good crowd-pleaser AND a movie where an adult woman with the brain of a toddler stabs the eyes out of a corpse with a scalpel and then plays with its penis (I wasn't kidding with the Tetsuo comparison)

Honestly now that I've actually written that out I have maybe underestimated how impressive it is that Yorgos Lanthimos made a movie where that happens on screen but somehow basically everybody loves the movie.

In terms of sex, we do watch Bella discover sex, but she very quickly comes to a conclusion about her relationship with it which never once changes throughout the rest of the movie:

She likes it, she likes it more with an attractive partner, she is utterly lacking in any kind of sexual jealousy, and she doesn't attach too much more to it than that.

This is an odd comparison, but Bella treats sex the way Joey did on Friends. A man acting this way is a sitcom cliche, but a woman acting the same way…

This is a film that is really, really not interested in the real-world consequences of this kind of sex; in fact, given that a pregnancy is the inciting incident of the film, it came off a little weird to me that the possibility of a pregnancy or STD was never really addressed (unless there was a line or two that I missed while I was in the bathroom).

For the most part, though, I was able to get past it by just thinking of it as a heightened world. The sets and settings are extremely artificial, and ultimately I figured, “Hey, if I can buy this kind of thing as harmless and fun in a sitcom, I can buy it in this other kind of heightened reality.

I will say, I don't think Bella is meant to be an every-woman, and that there's textual support for this in the film itself.

All of the women Bella deals with in some way question her approach to sex, making it clear, sometimes through explicit dialog, other times more reading between the lines, that her approach to sex is not for them.

If there’s any particularly feminist message in the film, it’s that when confronted with Bella’s bizarre approach to the world, none of the women get angry at her, and most of the men she meets do.

But Bella’s relationships with other women aren’t really the meat of the film, that’s more about her relationship with men, and particularly the way that they feel, deep in their bones, that they should have control over any woman that they have sex with.

Duncan Wedderburn, when he first discovers Bella and convinces her to go away with him, thinks he is tricking and seducing a beautiful naif who he can use and then discard when he tires of her. Their relationship disintegrates as it becomes clear that Bella hasn’t been tricked at all; she wanted exactly what he was able to give, a chance to sow her wild oats by having some no strings attached sex with an attractive, likable person in an exciting foreign city.

This makes Wedderburn increasingly unhappy and unhinged (He says at one point that he has become what he hates, a “grasping succubus”) much to Bella’s growing consternation. She has no idea why he can’t simply be happy having sex with her and otherwise letting her do what she wants, and he is so committed to a certain vision of gender roles that he can’t even begin to explain it, he can only lash out in frustration.

And that I think is the meatier part of the film; Bella doesn’t so much flout social expectations as she is simply totally unaware that they exist. 

Honestly I think the character isn’t so much coded as autistic as she just is autistic. Bella is a woman who is basically totally unaware of social expectations and constantly taken aback to discover that they exist.

More than that, she has to figure out a way to work around the fact that many of the people who become most enraged by her are also so totally lacking in self-reflection, and view their social situation as so normal, so self-evidently obvious that they cannot explain to her why it is she has made them angry. They suddenly fly into rages that clearly perplex Bella and which they themselves don’t even bother to explain, because they regard their own ideas as self-evident.

Bella is an idealized autistic hero; personally as outlandish as she is I don’t really think the film expects us to take the side of anybody else, and I think there are some fairly subtle and accurate bits of autistic behavior on her part.

She responds to life as a kind of social experiment, attempting to parse out a set of logical rules and, especially in the latter parts of the movie, she often justifies her actions with a perfectly sensible internal logic that the emotional men in her life can’t parse out. Late in the film, when she and Wedderburn are destitute, she prostitutes herself for 30 francs, and with implacable logic, explains the two reasons that Wedderburn ought to be quite happy she has done so: First, her john was much worse at sex than Wedderburn, which ought to satisfy his ego, and second, they now have 30 francs and the potential to earn more.

Wedderburn does not appreciate her logical approach.

Another thing that strikes me as very true is that Bella has a very odd theory of mind for other people. There’s a scene where, traumatized by the unspeakable poverty and suffering she sees in Alexandria, she puts all of Wedderburn’s money in a box and rushes out to give it to the poor. Unfortunately the ship is leaving, but two port attendants tell her that they will be staying on the island, and would be happy to deliver a package. She tells them that she has a big box filled with money and they should give it to the island’s poor, and they agree to do so. Now, the film never tells us one way or another whether they keep their word; but Bella herself retains an iron certainty that they did exactly what she asked them to. Now, we know Bella understands what lying and deceit are, because we’ve seen her trick people before, like when she chloroforms McCandles to run away with Wedderburn. But it never once occurs to her that these sailors might do something similar. Call it paradoxical, but that kind of thinking is common in autistic people.

There’s also the scene where the self-professed cynic Harry Astley shows her the suffering in Alexandria; he admits, when he sees how terribly it has affected her, that he didn’t tell her simply because he thought it was the truth of the world, but that her attitude made him angry, and he wanted to hurt her. A very common part of the autistic coming of age is the slow realization that not everything people tell you is part of a dispassionate, scientific search for the truth.

There’s also a scene in a whorehouse in which Bella argues that it would make more sense to have the women decide who is to sleep with the johns, so that then the john could be more confident that the girl was attracted to him, which he must doubt if he chooses. You can tell I’m autistic because I immediately had the thought, “Well, but the johns would probably be worried that nobody would choose them.”

One of Bella’s fellow working girls instead tells her, “Some of them like the fact that we don’t have a choice”.

[pumpkinspicedmochi]

Jus because someone struggles with speaking or typing doesn't mean they aren't worth listening to..

Something I noticed is that a lot of places on the internet is not for disabled people, like on Reddit some communities on there want your grammar and words to be completely correct and perfect otherwise they delete your post , which has happen to me before including being insulted for it. I notice this more probably since I seem to be going through autism regression (?) but its like..they assume everyone they say that to is abled bodied anddd not disabled in anyway that effects their speaking and typing , it has legit made me no feel comfortable posting or talking on the internet because of the weird obsession with 'proper' , 'correct' English. Like I talk on Reddit but i'm super nervous that some gonna say something or not let me post because my English isn't perfect and have it called "badly written post" , "terrible grammar" , "not worth people seeing/reading" ..like ok..my bad that i'm semi verbal , disabled and it affects how I type and text ??..(specifically at the moment mean higher support needs autistic people but could go for others too , jus can't talk on experiences I don't have)

Another weird thing is people making fun of blurry or bad quality pictures..when your hands are shaky ..there is nothing I can really do about it..sorry my hands are shaky??

"this is a scam because the picture is so blurry"

well I was having tremors when I took the picture..disabled people exist ya know?

[bettathanyou]

hii i just wanted to say i really appreciate how much love you put into all of your writings, its all so heartwarming and detailed, and you capture cedrics character SO well. you have such an in depth understanding of his personality and its commendable. i really admire your dedication and love for this guy and how willing you are to share it with others :]

but ya i have a request, a headcanon list (or story/anything u wanna do) of Cedrics autistic behavior and maybe how he would act with an autistic partner? the idea of there being this mutual understanding of each others needs is really sweet to me. also i personally hc him with adhd alongside autism so it would be neat if that could get mixed in somehow, too :D no problem if not!

ANON. WTF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY FR?? THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME, THANK YOU. I get so scared of MISCHARACTERIZING Cedric, so to hear that I have an in depth understanding of him from you made my entire day, month, YEAR. I hope this headcanon list is good and up to expectations!!

AuDHD Cedric The Sorcerer Headcanons (With Autistic S/O)

Coming from someone with AuDHD with an autistic best friend, I can't stress how much source material I have to speak about this sifkdiieis

FIRST THINGS FIRST. SENSORY ISSUES GALOREEEEE. That man will shrivel and die if he were ever in the modern era and came into direct contact with a microfiber towel.

A secret Headcanon I have (outside of the reasons I listed in my first headcanon list about Cedric!) Is he wears gloves BECAUSE Cedric has sensory/texture issues. His potion ingredients seem incredibly bizarre at times, and I'm sure the textures of them just get overwhelming at times. If you're wondering why the fingertips are exposed, he might need the extra grip to handle delicate objects, etc etc.

His robe is basically a weighted blanket, argue with the wall. He needs to be regulated somehow, and he's still a nervous wreck anyways

We know Cedric's speech is affected by his audhd. Dude has pedantic speech, overly emotive or deadpan, his volume control is non-existent when excited.

Expanding on that, his tendency to mix up words for spells seems a little... Neurospicy, on top of the anxiety

Forgets spells constantly. Not actually forget how to do them, just forgetting they exist cuz adhd

Has CHRONICALLY turned his workshop inside out because the thing Cedric was using just disappeared after he set it down!

(it was in his hand the whole time lol)

HC that outside of, yk, lack of personal space because no one knocks except Sofia, Autism rage whenever you're being interrupted from a task, especially something your fixated on, DRIVES HIM SO INSANE

Lack of patience. Just. Irritable, and same

His only friend (before Sofia) was an animal companion. C'mon y'all.

Music is so important to Cedric! It helps him regulate. He sings, he dances, he appreciates the dragon Acapella! Definitely uses music to stim, as well as dancing. He does it way too much. Audhd people usually are very connected to creative outlets such as music

Speaking of, his flying machine? CEDRIC IS AN INVENTOR. SO MANY INVENTORS ARE/WERE NEURODIVERGENT

Cedric is so genuinely shocked by kindness from Sofia even though she's consistent with it. That can definitely be trauma, but also feels like a lack of emotional permanence

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria SO BADDDDD Cedric would have a shutdown about it (thanks ADHD)

Prone to more shutdowns than meltdowns. But as we know, shutdowns inevitably lead to meltdowns anyways. I hc that Cedric is definitely seen as "melancholic" because his mood shifts as well as masking (poorly) his mental state after having meltdowns in private

Definitely tugs at his hair, bites himself, hits his head/fists on hard surfaces during meltdowns :((

Cedric's job as royal sorcerer is fun for the knowledge as special interest aspect, but the social parts leaves him in bad burnout, at least before his redemption

Still hates the social aspect of his job though

Potions are his special interest

The amulet of avalor was a hyperfixation, there I said it!

Due to trauma, but also to adhd, I think Cedric has no emotional object permanence. Dude for real acts a little TOO shocked towards Sofias kindness-

There is two types of audhd: sarcasm is the only language they're fluent in, and cannot distinguish sarcasm to save their life. Cedric is the first.

Sofia is the second type LMAO

Where's the same outfit everyday. Like. Cedric would buy the same set of clothes/outfits because too many choices are just overwhelming, and too many textures are Bad

Speaking of textures, again

Picky eater

I've never seen Cedric eat anything except those jellybean looking candies at his parents house

Jellybean/sweets as a safe food

I hc personally that Cedric is familiar with food magic because he conjures his own meals. I can't imagine people would respect his needs/wants enough to be especially accommodating, so he did it himself

Cedric talks to children as equals because of the lack of social hierarchy due to autism

However with the royals his age he is desperately trying to please people for the sake of acceptance (mood)

Okay

Rapid fire s/o headcanons!

Y'all either talk for hours, or parallel play without a word

Doing Nothing Together While Vibing Is Essential

Even though y'all understand each other well, sometimes the weird social rules you force yourself to mask with still stick. So sometimes y'all will have to ask "are you mad or are you unmasked rn"

Same thing with sarcasm. Taking jokes too literally so then you gotta ask for clarification. At this point it just adds to the joke xD

Cuddling/hugs is the best because THE DEEP PRESSUREEEEE

But also don't touch me when I need space pls

Infodumping whenever the chances arise

Seeing cedrics eyes sparkle his smile lines crease when talking about something that excited him feels like the warmest ray of sunshine

Cedric will sometimes get distracted by how much he loves you and loves seeimh you being happy while infodumping and will ask you to repeat things while apologizing profusely

Cedric will buy you little comfort objects you like or give you cool things he finds

Pebbling!!!

Sometimes y'all need to sleep alone for the sake of space, but other nights you gotta be in each other's skin

And both are okay!

Laying in bed doing a separate activity until bedtime is a good compromise when one of you doesn't want to spend the night, but still wants time together

Switching hyperfixations

Adopting each other's vocal stims/speech mannerisms

Suddenly you're saying Merlin's mushrooms UNIRONICALLY

When shutdowns happen, y'all have communication cards! Very helpful for both parties :))

You both doodled in the margins of each other's communication cards

Cedric chronically loses his and you now you're just letting him use yours until they manifest again 😭

Meltdowns, Cedric needs to be alone. He just can't handle ANYONE seeing it, even you

You respect that... And take care of him afterwards with whatever he needs

Whatever way you need support during shutdowns/meltdowns, Cedric accommodates without question

Just

So much love and acceptance and CHOOSING to put in the work in your relationship

Anyways, that's all I got! Feel free to add on! TYSM for the ask!! This was so lovely and self indulgent to write lmaooo

[thisisxli]

Can you do Suna x gender-netrual(afab)!reader who is austic and have same personality as Mina from mha?

REQUEST - 𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐚 𝐑. 𝐱 𝐆𝐍!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫(𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐛)

Rs: Suna Rintarou x autistic GN!Reader(afab)

Warnings: ableism, small angst, realistic depictions, bullying, small self-harm, unrequited love, fights, Atsumu is a shitty person

Tags: fluff, reader is a sweet person, Suna is protective, childhood friends to lovers?, Small slow burn, sweet, not for the weak, author's self projection, different sexualities implied

Summary: Reader who stands out and is not always liked by everybody, is childhood friend with Suna Rintarou. Suna truly realizes his feelings when an oddly close friend of his start to berate you.

wc: 1.9k

To say Suna didn't like you was.. wrong. If anything, it wasn't that he liked you either. You were very bubbly and kind but there were times where you couldn't do simple tasks or do exactly as you were told. His parents were friends with yours so as a kid he was constantly at your place. Every time you tried to speak, you always got yelled at or scolded at by your parents. To them, they would always say you couldn't speak properly; as they would say, 'you're not using your tongue.'

Sure, you paid attention in school. But were you at the bottom in your classes? Yes. A lot of people always made fun of you in some type away or found some kind of antic to provoke you, yet Suna stuck around. He mostly felt bad. And his parents would force him to stick around.

Now, you were a honor-roll student, all A's and zero F's, and super friendly. You were able to talk but sometimes stuttering got to the best of you or it was just a jumble of words, but Suna never said anything. Sometimes he would catch you voluntarily sputtering things in a conversation but embarrassingly, it goes silent after that and everyone gets awkward. He would get second-hand embarrassment.

Sometimes he would catch you picking at your uneven set of nails, digging into the sides and create hangnails. Or he would catch you constantly picking at your face ridden with a few acne. He shakes his head at that.

No one really bullied you now, thankfully. You actually became really pretty and makeup would top it all off. Now of course you lured in many people, especially guys. But did any one of them that you got with stayed with you? No, they didn't. But you were so naive, you thought being loved by someone would fix all your problems or that you were constantly the problem. Suna had to watch it all and stick by your side. He was sick of it.

"Suna! Wanna come over my place after school?" You chirp and come up from behind, holding your hands behind your back. He sighs, clutching his school bag, "I don't know, (Y/N). I have volleyball practice." Your smile drops and you think to yourself for a moment, crossing your arms over each other.

"Soo.. Can I watch you play? I could probably try to text my mom-" "She'll just get mad at you for making a last minute plan," he deadpans, glancing down at you from the side. Your cheeks were a little too pink, he thinks. He thinks its' the blush. "Well that's why I said I could try! And now that I'm thinking about it.. I'm starting to get a little nervous- where do I sit? There might be a bunch of eyes on me," you complain, moving your foot in front of the other every time you cross a line on the marble floor. Suna rolls his eyes and waves you off, turning to a room. "This is my class, see ya," he murmurs, earning a cheery 'bye' from you.

You felt your palms sweating, frantically wiping them at your school uniform. Shit, you didn't really think much of this through. You needed permission and for that you needed to ask. You didn't really know why but talking to adults was really scary to you.

You almost groan when you open the gym doors, a low screech coming from the doors' screws. Heads turn to look towards you. Quickly, you scurry over to the coaches.

You blink at them, your voice turned into a sweet facade, "I'm sorry to intrude but can I?- am I able to watch this practice? On the behalf of Suna Rintarou? I have a ride so.." You dig your nails into the hem of your shirt. Suna notices it in the corner of his eye. The coach quite literally stares at you down before responding, "sure, but I don't know if you'll be able to the next time. If you really want to, apply for manager," he shrugs. "You can go sit over there," the coach points to the wall with a cart of volleyballs standing beside it. You lightly bow before scurrying over, letting out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding.

Suna wasn't one to show off but now that you were here, he suddenly really felt the need to.

His eyes follow and switch between Kita and Aran, who both seemed like they were ready to spike. Much to his predicament, he was correct for choosing Aran; hitting the volleyball straight into Suna's hands. He hissed at the sting, getting a pat in the back from Atsumu. "Great work! But I could already tell yer just showing off to that girl ova' there. I heard she was autistic-" Suna cuts him off with a glare, rubbing his hands together. "So what?" They all fetched their water bottles, standing by the walls and bench to rest for a few. "I always see 'ya hangin' around her. You got sum'in going on with the artistics, am I right 'Samu?" Assume nudges at Osamu's side who just nods and doesn't pay attention, gulping down his water bottle down in one go.

"Don't be mean guys, she can't help it-" Aran gets shushed by Akari who also has a mutual understanding with the Miya twin, "oh yeah, for sure. I think it might be a little obvious, Suna."

Suna rolls his eyes and just scrolls through his phone, "shut up. You don't know anything." Atsumu practically cackles at Suna's response just as he walks away, walking towards you. You take the opportunity to finally speak up, "Suna! You were amazing out there! I- you're really good at this stuff- I really- fuck, sorry- you- never mind." Suna snickers and you playfully pout, your makeup unable to hide the embarrassed blush. Suna's lips twitch upward a bit, bringing a hand on top of your head to pet it a little while taking a sip from his water bottle, "it's fine. Thank you though."

You nod and smile. All Suna could feel at that moment was his neck starting to get hot.

Suna lands a fist against Atsumu's cheek, startling their other teammates around them. They couldn't even react when Suna climbs atop of Atsumu, landing multiple punches. Suna had never got into a fight before, so this was new. And it must've been serious because of the way Atsumu was shit-talking behind your back? He had it coming. "Alright, hands to yourselves," Aran carefully finds his way under Suna's arms, trying not to get elbowed as Suna's legs jolted and kicked at Atsumu. "You think that shit's funny now?! I'll beat yer ass again if you keep talkin' shit!" Atsumu just scoffs, pulling his shirt up to wipe his nose that was starting to leak some blood. Kita looms over Atsumu with a grim look, his other team members standing beside him as one of them shook their head in disappointment.

"What?" Atsumu pouts, averting his gaze. "Go apologize to Suna. I want you to apologize to (Y/N) too, if you see her," Kita sighs, pulling Atsumu to his feet. "Fine," he spits.

The next time Atsumu sees you, he asks you to meet up outside during lunch period but once you do, you're confused and hurt.

"I'm sorry for.. saying some stuff about you. I don't know if you've ever heard me or sum'in but I did and now I have to apologize.. But I'm also so pissed," Atsumu stares daggers into your eyes, stepping closer to your faltering form. "How could he like someone like you? Yer actually hard to speak to and yer weird- the only thing I feel sorry for is how stupid you can get. Yer actually so fuckin' weird," he mutters, staring down at you with disgust.

"Okay..?" You can hear your voice waver, bearing a weak attempt to hide what you felt, "what's your point? Why do I piss you off? I don't- that's beyond my comprehension, I don't understand-" he cuts you off when he bucks at you, stomping a foot onto the ground that makes you flinch.

"Suna! He likes you and I don't-" he laughs midway in disbelief, small heat rising to his cheeks in embarrassment, "he likes you! I don't understand. I'm better in every way that you aren't. Yer autistic for gods sake- Yer just someone who he has to hang around with 'cause he's forced to, you-"

"Atsumu!" Atsumu twists his head to see a very angry Suna. You stare up at Atsumu in shock and hurt. Did Suna really feel that way? Did Atsumu really feel that way? You didn't even know he was like that. And why was he so mean? What could you have possibly done wrong to be yourself?

"Get the fuck out of here," Suna mutters, shoving his way past Atsumu and towards you. Atsumu stares at him for a few seconds before scoffing, shoving his hands into his pockets when he walks away. Suna stares at you with worry. "I am so so sorry he's said all of that to you, are you okay?" Suna lightly grasps onto your forearms, his head following wherever your eyes followed so he could be in your direct vision. You look down at his school uniform, frowning when you say, "was that true? You stick around because you're forced?"

Suna's lips curve downward, his fingers sliding down to your wrists and squeezes, "well... yes.."

You hang your head low when you start to feel your face muscles moving on its' own, furrowed brows and crinkled eyes matching with your wrinkling frown. "But, it's only my parents that force me to, no one else. Not me. If I really wanted to stop hanging with you even with my parents forcing me, I would've done so already. My parents don't really count," he murmurs, gently pulling you into an embrace. "What the other part 'Tsumu said was true too though," he whispers in your ear, moving a few inches back so he could move your hair behind your ear.

"What..?" You blink away your tears, making your way to look up into his eyes, "I like you, (Y/N). I'm sorry if I didn't realize that sooner. I don't care if we're complete polar opposites or if you have autism. I like you and all of that is what makes you, you." Suna rubs his thumb across your cheek, eyes slightly widening, "or!- Or it's completely okay if you don't reciprocate. I'm completely fine with that."

Your face felt really hot and all the wrong places on your body were sweating. You suck in your bottom lip, digging your nails into your palm, "I..." Suna looks at you expectantly. You just stare at him until you couldn't, moving your eyes everywhere around him. You wanted to say something but it was almost like your body was compelling you not to. You felt scared. "I like you- you too," you mutter with a strain, slurring and almost spitting when saliva builds up too much in your mouth. You quickly shut your mouth and swallow it down. Suna smiles down at you, his hand moving to the back of your head and leans in.

You frown warily and squeeze your eyes shut but you don't feel anything on your lips. You feel his peck onto your cheek bone, something as so soft and gentle.

You open your eyes to look at him. Suna looks back at you so lovingly, his cheeks slightly tinted pink. "This period is about to end soon, so let's go," he smiles, extending a hand towards you. "Okay," you breathe, sliding your hand into his calloused ones.

a/n: sorry if I took a bit posting this. I've been a little busy :). This fic hit a little close to home because I know what it's like to be standing out in certain places, people, or time and you can never understand why. It's either really hard to speak up or a lot to say or be said. I really am sorry for those who struggle with this or any type of disorder; but then again, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed.

Please check out my other works if you haven't, please enjoy.

[grapefaygodude69]

watch me become national geographic reporter about sober dude cuz,,, dont have a reason but head canons are fun :o)

other sprites i remade [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

down there's the sprite edits cuz i made these vvv

AUTISTIC YAPPING DONT MIND THATR ... SORY MY ENGLISH IS BAD???

ALSO SH MENTION TW IG \\\\\

the fact that he was sober for example would have been in the past but has never been seen by anyone other than his moirial once but thats a long story,,, how to get him to calm down and get back on the slime is to just pap him until he stops hissing and give it to him and he'll just eventually want to take it again. the thing with karkat is the example of gamzee naturally being an asshole and using his strength against people instead of like in his stoned state barely using it or teasing people by lifting them up,,, my point is karkat almost got choked to death because of gamzee being sober around him, he just attacks anyone around no matter what. the state of being sober for the clown is kind of very overwhelming and gets transelated in violence or whatever something like that for no apparent reason even if its the kind of wholesome thing about him, after that incident with karkat, he got high again it took him like idk maybe 4 months to stop saying sorry for hurting karkat like that because he didn't meant to and its silyyyyyy how he's basically more "sober" (as in more calm) and nice when he's high and more voilent and whatever when he's actually sober.

the other thing is that sopor itself is kind of like alcohol in the sense of how it can effect people differently, gamzee gets high but also very tipsy from it so he needs to sit down most of the time and not move much or he might just break something falling over he isnt much of an active guy but he isnt lazy y'know but being addicted to it gives him extreme withdrawal symptoms which also can be another thing that fuels the violent behavior. but that's all pre sgrub, but post sgrub the meteor shenanigans go on with multiple murders because of the obvious he's pissed and his boyfriend got impaled yadda yadda… gamzee never does recover from the constant need for sopor but learns to put his anger into more productive things that i dont have an idea for but ehhhhuhuhhhhhyh yeahs that's it bye :o)

day 150

[crazy000567]

Ok I wanted to talk about this on my twitter but realized it will appeal to no one so its going here. Being autistic about critter character designs. VERY LONG

Pim/Charlie/Allan/Glep have interesting designs to me like they are some of my favorite character designs possibly in any cartoon cause they're all very well balanced - easy to draw, cute, but slightly ugly also. Well maybe not ugly but certainly not Conventional.

(Glep applies slightly less there, he's just straight up a cute lil guy, how plushies don't exist of him yet baffles me)

I like their slight offputting quirks, like, Allan's spine is visible, Pim's Teeth. They are just strange creatures and I enjoy that. Of course there's also the fact all of their frontfacings (maybe slightly excluding pim's) are just kinda goofy and bizarre looking.

Its just, the choices being made here are really good, okay. They're very appealing lined up, yknow.

The fact they are just kinda cute sometimes makes the expressions being pushed and the weird quirks funnier. If pim was an ugly lil freak all the time it would be less effective when he does that weird awkward toothy laugh. Which brings me to my next "Point" which is like, I really enjoy that they are some of the only critters that arent.... fugly as hell

There are some few exceptions with BG/side characters (just look at amy, shes a pretty gal) but like, most of the side critters that have gotten screentime are very very strange. Allan's landlord is a prime recent example. Look at that guy. Jesus christ.

This is not to say the uglier designs are Bad, quite the opposite, I love when they are hideous <3 But the whole thing is, if the main characters we see every episode were on the same level as them appearance-wise it would get very tired. This is probably like, entry level design stuff for a cartoon, and not very interesting to anyone lol, but with adult cartoons it feels like it can go way too hard on the ugly scale.

Onto the next thing thats been on my mind lately when it comes to critters - I enjoy that their appearances truly are pretty random. Its fun to make things like crittersonas cause like, you can almost do whatever the hell you want lol

I like that some of them just dont feel like wearing clothes, this was talked about by Michael on twitter at some point a few years back I think.

Their hair is a topic that kind of mystifies me lmfao like we see the wiry sparse hair a lot (gnarly, filmore, etc) but then there are characters like amy, pims dad and duncan that have more full human-esque hair. This makes me wonder if its like, randomly possible for some critters to get full heads of hair, or if wigs/hair transplants are a thing, or even if hairloss is just more common which results in the wiry hair later in life. Really NOT important or compelling to anyone but me but I seriously do think about this. Critter Hair Essay coming soon (i'm kidding ............. or am i?)

Also just like, the concept of what critter beauty standards or smth could be sort of interests me, but this is getting incomprehensibly long and stupid anyway, and I would have to be going into heavy Speculation Mode there. so BYE Goodbye

[spacejellycreates]

i didnt put this in the notes on the actual fic because its quite a long story, but i wanted to talk about it somewhere so ill do it here

my fic, Banter or Bullying, is based on an actual interaction i had with some of my close friends who i live with. our friend group has that dynamic where we all make fun of each other, but one person in particular seems to take the brunt of it. he gets made fun of more often and more harshly than other people seem to, despite being a lovely person (albeit with a few annoying habits, but everyone in this house has some, including me. thats just part of being human.)

basically, i was having a meltdown in my bedroom. i forget exactly what it was about, i think i was just having a bad time and something sent me over the edge. i find that distraction is the best technique to comfort me during a meltdown, so i went downstairs to see if anyone was in the living room and could take my mind off things for a bit, and this particular friend was the only one in there. he was sitting on the couch playing like. a star wars video game. it was like a military tactics simulator or something. idk, not really my thing.

i sat down next to him and he could see i was upset, so he offered to put the game away so we could talk about it but i was like no thanks can i just watch you play? so he said sure, and he let me sit with my head on his shoulder while he explained everything he was doing in the game. i didnt understand most of it, but it made me feel better just to sit with him and listen to him talk

then one of my other flatmates walked past, and she was like oh no hes trapped you in an explanation of his star wars game, blink twice if you need help, etc. and that upset me because i was like, no, i like spending time with him, hes making me feel better right now and actually being really nice to me, and you're just being mean for no reason, acting like im being held against my will or something

and i may be projecting, but i feel like spock gets treated a very similar way, especially by mccoy. it hurts my heart to see an autistic coded character be treated the same way as my friend, and the same way as a lot of neurodivergent people i know when they try to talk about their interests, or even just exist in a way that makes sense for them, and they constantly get negative comments about it.

so i wrote that fic as kind of. a way to express my affection for my friend, and also for spock. and to stick up for spock the way i did for my friend in that moment. no one deserves to feel like their friends dont care about their interests, or even that their friends dont like spending time with them.

i guess, moral of the story, if you have a friend that gets made fun of more than everyone else, make sure to check in with them every once in a while. ask if they're actually having fun when you're bantering with them or if it is hurting their feelings. and if you ever think a joke is going too far, say something. its nice to know that someone is in your corner

[brambleghastblast]

just read chuggaaconroy's statement... wow.

i completely forgive him.

of course he isnt 100% innocent but i see now so much of the situation was things taken horribly out of context or framed in a way to make the autistic guy look creepy and evil.

learning emile and masae were dating cleared up SOOO much of the situation. to me i never felt like masae accused emile of anything? it just seemed like... she was clarifying they werent friends. and. yeah. they broke up. thats why neither wanted to talk about it.

the lady emily part is still so full of cut context and lies im not even gonna touch it. and the lawly part was literally just.... lawly continues to make uncomfortable advances on emile and he wanted a friend but decides to cut it off because he is uncomfortable and doesn't want this. and the fact people actually called emile guilty becahse the accusers framed it with a bad headline when in all reality chuggaaconroy was the one being harassed.

i think what also sticks out to me is how chugga says he still loves his friends and thanks his fans and asks to please never send hate to the accusers and that they did what they felt they had too. he just wanted to make fun nintendo game videos with his friends, and the world treated him like this over some long ago out of context past. and despite all of that he still forgave everyone. heck looking at his statements about his time in hospitals, i feel like the one who hated and despised chuggaaconroy the most was himself. the fact he went to therapy and spent so much time in a hospital to work on himself and try to change things literally just wired into his brain from being autistic. he's gone through so much and i feel so sorry for him and his family for all they had to endure. i will pray for them all i can!

i stopped watching chugga but i think im going to start again. its clear as day to me he really is the wonderful guy everyone once thought he was, just thrown into a really bad twitter-y situation. i feel awful i ever thought of unsubscribing to him, i always procrastinated because i couldnt take it emotionally. but now? im gonna keep staying subscribed!

the chuggaaconroy statement is on his twitter and id really recommend reading it. its really made me finally decide how i feel about all of this situation.

we love and respect and appreciate chuggaaconroy on this website

[vanderspeiglemd]

I post a lot about the ship but that's not even the worst thing that's not the thing that the show completely pissed on and hurt a lot of its viewers doing.

It's the ableism. It's Harry being turned into this antiquated disabled caricature solely to be laughed at. They know he's seen as autistic/nd. They all know, Alan especially knows and he has a large part in what Harry does says and is presented as given how much of Harry is improv.

Calling someone with Harry's traits a child just spits in the face of every real disabled/nd/autistic/etc person with said traits. Being so cruel to him for said traits is even worse. Watching the second half of s2 felt like a hatecrime and s3 is just a true blue sitcom out of the 80s. The act of making Harry like this in the first place for a joke is hurtful and so is the way he's treated in the show. The more disabled he became, the worse he was treated. Hitting him, calling him names/an animal, making fun of his voice/mannerisms/language, Asta's endless exhaustion rolling her eyes sighing on top of calling him a child when he does anything or tries to communicate, while she's supposed to be his friend. You're supposed to laugh at and think whatever he does is stupid, weird, wrong. If someone called him the r slur I'd be like yep that tracks for this show.

Season one made me feel seen, no one treated Harry like shit and if anyone was mean Asta would step in, people wouldn't make a huge deal out of his awkwardness it was just accepted, the humor of his failings felt like the writing was laughing with him instead of at him, we were meant to feel sympathy and closeness and believe in his better nature. There was SUCH a focus on being an outsider and feeling of not belonging, how that wasn't a bad thing and there were people who would accept you. The whole bond between him and Asta was about outsiders finding one another in a world that was cruel, but in Patience Harry could see the best in humanity and maybe not feel so alone. Breaks my absolute fucking heart that it's all gone, that people in the real world making this show said nope ableism and cruelty for our sitcom!

[sephirthoughts]

Hi! I hope you had a good day today.

For the ask game, what are your thoughts on 5 and 9 for Sephiroth?

I did, thank you! I hope you had a good day, too!

ON TO THE BURNING QUESTIONS

5. Sephiroth is such a wonderful layer-cake of pathologies, it's so fun to dissect the impacts on his personality. He is autistic-spectrum, hyper-intelligent, alienated, deeply insecure, and feels he has no 'place in the world'. Despite his insistence, under Jenova's influence, that he's the chosen one and meant to rule the world, he has rock-bottom self-esteem and almost no sense of self. He knows he's different but he has no idea who he is. Add being raised in a lab, horribly abused, and treated like a weapon rather than a person his whole life, and there's not a lot of Sephiroth left.

This would affect his living space in that it'd be generic, impersonal, highly functional, basically empty, serving its purpose as a place to rest, and nothing else. Has place to lie down, has place to shower, has place to dress=meets criteria. I doubt he'd notice if there were even blankets on the bed. It's a Sephiroth storage container, more than a living space. Which is terribly sad and now I am sad. BOOOO ME

Whether he's messy or not is another question. He honestly strikes me as someone who hates disorder if he ever thinks about it. The problem is, he does not think about it. He has executive function issues (see: his bout of manic hyperfocus in the archives, where he had books just strewn everywhere and didn't eat or sleep or bathe for days), and is generally unaware of anything pertaining to his own self-care, including messiness/dirtiness, unless they become a nuisance that disrupts his current fixation.

When he was being raised in the lab, he was a child, so there were people who cleaned, cooked, washed his clothing, etc., and in SOLDIER they definitely had people to take care of those kind of domestic things, so they could focus on training. Hence, he never learned to clean up after himself.

All of this wouldn't matter much, in a living situation with custodial services, but if left to his own devices, his combined lack of awareness, neglect of his own needs, and inexperience with such things would create a perfect storm. He'd forget to take the garbage out, never pick up after himself, not do the dishes, have takeout boxes everywhere, and have no idea that dusting, mopping, vacuuming, etc. even exist as concepts. I think his living space would be kind of awful. But he wouldn't notice.

That is, until Angeal comes over, has seven simultaneous brain aneurysms, leaves and returns with Zack and cleaning supplies, and they spend the next ten hours deep-cleaning the place, while Sephiroth insists it's not that bad.

9. This accords so nicely with number 5! Because he'd be a terrible roommate.

-He'd be quiet, courteous, and never have parties or eat your food, but he'd leave stupid long silver hairs all over everything (the less said about the bathroom shower drain the better), never clean up after himself, and act confused when asked to do so.

-He is definitely the type to always be forgetting his house key. Like, he may as well not have one.

-He leaves that stupid, ultra-sharp, nine-foot-long sword just LYING AROUND WHEREVER. Someone is going to lose a foot.

-He thinks he's a great cook and likes to share his talent with people, and he's too sweetly sincere and excited about it, so you can't bear to break his heart, and you wind up gritting your teeth and smiling through a plate of sticky, pasty, mushy pasta, with sauce made from frankly baffling ingredients (you put walnuts in the marinara? ohhhh...how…interesting. is this an anchovy?).

-He casually says absolutely horrible, emotionally devastating things, without realizing they're horrible. Example:

person: my mom was so forgetful, she always used to burn the garlic bread and she'd mix up my brother's lunch box and mine half the time

sephiroth: haha yeah, i know what you mean. on several occasions, Hojo forgot to send someone to change my IV, when he left me strapped to an exam table in the basement lab for multiple days, and i nearly died of dehydration and malnutrition

person:

sephiroth: parents, right?

-Lastly, Sephiroth absolutely never wears a shirt and in fact doesn't even own one. This is not an annoying habit, this is the habit that makes all the other ones worth putting up with.