#then the sisters bond over being lonely lesbians

[everythingwasnormalhere]

One of my fav things about TaTI is how 3 of them are the little siblings of the main kids

Imagine Karen and Ike meeting because Kyle invited Kenny to a sleepover, and the McCormicks were being shitty at that time so Kenny brought Karen with him, and she talks to Ike and they watch streams and become besties (which neither of their brothers expected since they're pretty different)

Meanwhile, Tricia and Karen meeting at school because they're both loners in their new class, finding out their brothers know each other, and organizing them a playdate (just so they get distracted and Tricia and Karen can hang out for longer lmao). And Craig and Kenny like "oh, so you're my sister's friend's brother-?" because they used to play together as kids and didn't expect that, but then they catch up and end up hanging out pretty often too (the girls are so glad because their brothers hanging out means they get to hang out too :3)

[fraudulent-cheese]

Emma Total Drama for the Ask Game pls? 🙃

you didn't specify which one so I'LL DO BOTH MUAHAHA

Sexuality Headcanon: in general i tend to base my sexuality headcanons either on what ships i like with them or on what would be most interesting for their stories, and while i do have at least one ship i like with either emmas (zemma for one and courtemma for the other), they're not the first thing i tend to think of when i think about their characters.

With that out of the way, uh Emma (reboot) is lesbian and asexual while Emma (RR) doesn't think about it much but i'd say lesbian. And maybe arospec. Not sure.

OTP(s): oops i spoiled it uhhh Zemma for reboot Emma and Courtemma for RR Emma, the former would make a cute couple + Emma deserves a chill partner and the later would match eachother's freak (weirdly athletic law students) + amicus curiae convinced me

BROTP(s): ok this i have actual material for since i tend to think of their friendships more often? They're both pretty lonely characters so giving them friends feels good :p

For Reboot Emma: her and Bowie's friendship was fucking awesome man. I wish they made up in S2 but i also get why she wouldn't but also please girlie make friends i beg... Her and MK would be nice too since neither of them have many friends. Oh, and her and Nichelle would be cute!

For RR Emma: Nemma being canon unfortunately robbed us of nerd besties Noah and Emma. Please see the vision of them being friends

Also unsure if sibling relationships count? For BROTPs? But her and Kitty's bond fucking rules and we should talk about them both more

Random Headcanon:

For Reboot Emma: yeah the BPD headcanon makes sense to me. I've been given pretty good reasoning after asking and it convinced me.

For RR Emma: ok this is more of a shared headcanon between her and her sister, but i headcanon both sisters as being french-vietnamese. Emma actually speaks vietnamese, but Kitty speaks french better than her.

General Opinion:

For both: they could never make me hate you Emma Total Drama

They're both great characters i happen to haven't thought about much but i love seeing posts about!!!

For reboot Emma: her character's story is so fucking tragic to me. Girl just wants to be liked by her peers and she seemingly doesn't even get that. She looses the one friend she made over a shitty relationship that she both tries to cling to and escape. I have a slight hope that the third season will be kinder to her but i really doubt it man :( let her be happy Fresh TV i beg

For RR Emma: i both haven't watched RR and like her sister Kitty a whole lot more, but she's good! I like how her dynamic with Kitty isn't perfect at first but they work to patch things up over the season (or so i've heard). Also, read Amicus Curiae if you haven't already it's awesome

[bi-lavelent]

Lone Wolf (Quinn Fabray x Fem-Reader Part 3)

Warning: Fluff, Angst, Cussing, Bullying

I was at work at the local car shop. Which was nice know that I knew the owners son was that gay kid in glee. I didn’t want to out him. He deserved to go on his own journey just as much as I did. We both noticed each other we both had a somewhat okay gaydar. But when we both dress like and act and sit and talk like the extremes of both. He could easily tell that I was a lesbian and I could easily tell that he was gay. But since neither of us had come out at yet in different ways. Everyone at school could tell he was gay even if he hadn’t come out and said it and the same for me only my parents knew and the school didn’t know at all. His dad didn’t know that he was gay.

Me and Kurt had bonded really fast and really easily maybe it was the fact that neither of us felt judgement with each other unlike everyone else at the school and everyone else is stupid fucking Lima Ohio.

We were doing some horrible dance moves. Mr.Schue clearly didn’t know what he was doing. Rachel obnoxious as ever but was actually right in this scenario spoke up about how bad they were.

Quinn called Mr.Schue out about how he didn’t try after high school. I got a tight feeling in my stomach when she was talking to him. I hadn’t gotten to know her well but we have talked a couple times and by talked I mean I have said hi when she would drop my sister off after cheer practice. I mean she was the head cheerleader for a reason she was incredibly hot. Finn was so lucky to have her and yet he was still pinning over Rachel.

Mr.Schue didn’t show up to glee after what Rachel said.

Six weeks later:

Mr.Schue still hadn’t showed up to glee and when he was there we still didn’t learn anything. So Rachel decided that she would bake him cookies and beg him to come back to glee. She came in cookies still in hand and no Mr.Schue she was explaining what he said; but all you could think about was those cookies.

“Hay, Human contraceptive if no one’s gonna eat those cookies. I’m gonna need them to inspect them to make sure that you didn’t try to poison our teacher.” I said

You saw Santana crack a smile at the nickname that you had given her for beery. Although the cheerios were still trying to keep their heads down and didn’t talk much. You could hear there smile on her face.

Finn was the only one who actually made sense in that meeting. We were the only two who didn’t want to hire this Wyoming Stanley guy that they were wanting to hire for training.

the next day as I was walking through the halls Mercedes looked sad so I stopped. To talk to her and make sure she was okay. Me and her weren’t that close but she looked like Bambi when his mom was shot. When she started talking to me.

“Hi y/n” Mercedes said

I glanced to see where she was looking Santana and Puck looked like a dog was trying to resuscitate an angle. Puck being the dog and Santana being the angel. I never understood why cheerleaders are these hot ass women and football players are these ugly ass men. It’s like those weird celebrity marriages like Cate Blanchett and her husband, or Beyoncé and Jay-Z. But the more I stood by her I realized she was looking at all the couples she just wanted somebody to date her and she deserved it I mean she wasn’t my type but she was good looking.

“Sup Mercedes are you okay?” I asked

Kurt came over

“Hello Y/n, Mercedes.” Kurt said

“Hey” I said as started to drift off thinking about what Santana would look like not wearing that cheerio outfit. Would she even have a good sense of fashion. What if she was wearing nothing. Good that a good picture.

Mercedes and Kurt started talking about how they have never kissed anyone. I tuned back into what they were saying although I wish I hadn’t. They started talking about how they were on the bottom of the social pyramid and then

Kurt said “Special Ed kids will get more play than we will.”his face changed when he said special ed

I walked away somewhat thrown a back by how mean Kurt could be; but then I realized that nobody knew that I was autistic and that’s what even thinking about them makes other people uncomfortable even people in glee. I realized that I had walked to coach Sues office and I was crying.

I would usually come in here when the comments other kids made got to be too much. She didn’t much. She didn’t mind as long as I didn’t break anything. Me and Kurt I thought had gotten close I was planning on telling him that I had autism something I don’t ever really tell anyone. When I had to tell his dad for business reasons he was extremely accepting and accommodating; but Kurt I guess wasn’t what I thought he was.

We all showed up to that Vocal Adrenaline place. We had planned a field trip around it I wasn’t going to go. But seeing as only three of the people in glee had cars. I was forced to go and drive people to it. When we all arrived I didn’t care what anyone was saying until Mercedes said that we all looked like we had stepped off the short bus. I stayed behind the group so that I wouldn’t hear anymore comments they said for being an accepting group they really didn’t do that much accepting of other people.

I watched as Mercedes tried to flirt with Kurt. I mentally slapped Myself in the face. I felt for her too though don’t get me wrong as a lesbian women who has had several crushes on straight women the pain of knowing they could never be with you and you can’t fix it hurts.

We watched Vocal Adrenaline. They all moved in perfect unison it was like watching a cult summon a demon. A demon called Dakota Stanley. We walked up to his car after we watched them and Rachel and Tina talked to them.

I saw the face of the cheerios. They had a plan to use Dakota to end glee. Too bad it cost 10,000$ to get him. There was no way we were going to get that money.

Santana and Puck had broken up right before we went to see vocal adrenaline. She said she needed a man with a better credit score; which I guess she believes to be true. But I have seen her check out a couple of chics. In glee club I always see her staring at Brittnay she frowns when she doesn't look at her and smiles when she looks at her. It reminded me of me my sophomore year hopefully it works better for them than it did for me. I fell so deeply into the crush but she had a boyfriend she was a senior and is now married to him and has a baby.

We had a ton of Cheerios in bikinis and there skirts help us with our car wash. Clearly Sue had alterer motives. But it felt nice and like a bonding experience. Me, my sister, Quinn, Brittnay, and Santana were all washing a car and having fun. Brittnay had the hose which I said was a horrible idea which was she ended up spraying all four of us with the hose. Which felt good until I saw that the other three had make up running down their face. I ran over to my purse which was over by the benches far away from the water. I grabbed my box of make-up wipes and headed back over to the girls.

Well I was gone apparently Mercedes and Kurt got into a fight and Mercedes smashed Kurt’s car window. Which I would inevitably have to fix at the shop. I handed the girls a mirror from my bag and my box of makeup wipes. Santanas hand stayed on my wet shirt a little too long. She was touching my abs. Not that I was complaining but to the point where others noticed. Quinn, My sister and Brittnay were staring at her hand. She quickly removed it when she noticed.

Our next glee club meeting that Dakota Stanley person showed up. He had us all stand in a line and take a packet to change our diet. I was standing next to Santana she looked at my diet which consisted of water. I was pretty sure I looked good so why was he having me change. Sue was as hard on me about my health as she was in the Cheerios if not more. He skipped Artie for some reason which he said was because cripples can’t be on the team. He went around criticizing the whole team except for the cheerleaders calling them perfect he reminded me of my mother. Then he went to me to criticize me. Which I wasn’t gonna let happen the only person I let talk bad about me had to buy me dinner first and the had to be laying naked with me in bed.

“Now you…. you look disgusting and revolting. You look like something my cat vomited up you’ll be in the very back so that no one can see you.” Dakota Stanley said

“Okay, no you don’t get to talk to me the way you’re talking to them. The only time I want someone to talk to me like that is when they are on top of me and those people can never be picked up by every person in this room. Because they are so small that it looks like they are one of those growing sponge animals who haven’t been put in water yet. So how about you shut up grumpy from Snow White. Look we’re all perfect because if you don’t have a packet to change the way you look. Which is like Golum had a baby with Cat. Then why should we because for you I have a diet book breakfast is Suck Lunch is My Dinner is Dick making an overall meal of Suck My Dick.” I said after he criticized everyone else in the room. Rachel told him he was fired. Which is sad because he would have fit in so well with his view on mentally disabled people.

I stayed late at school knowing that it was PTA night. I didn’t go near the section where the adults are. I stayed until everyone left then I went to Sues office and slept. Me and my mom got into a huge fight again.

The next day I was walking down the hallway and overheard Kurt come out to Mercedes. I was so proud of him I was not ready to the point of coming out yet but I was proud of him.

Me, my sister, Quinn and Santana we’re is Sue’s office. She was disappointed in the cheerios for failing at ending glee club and revoked their tanning privileges. Santana ran off crying over it and Hope (my sister) ran after her. Along with Quinn but before Quinn left she said something to Coach Sue

Quinn said “I wanna thank you”

Sue said “for what” snarky as ever

Quinn said “for teaching me a valuable life lesson, when you really believe in yourself you don’t have to bring other people down.”

god she was hot, smart and willing to stand up to Sue. She was my dream woman meaning I was hoping Finn cheated on her and she ran into my arms.

[sapphos-darlings]

i dont know if im just being dramatic or whatever, but being wlw seems so lonely to me. everywhere i look i have such a low chance of meeting a bi woman, and practically no chance of meeting a fellow lesbian. i dont know if its just the fact of me living in a tiny conservative country or what, but god do i wish more women were wlw, its so isolating having no one who is like you around :/

Dear Anon, you are not being dramatic. I feel like that sometimes too.

Lesbian loneliness is definitely something real and specific to us. I so wish we had more of happy things to bond over, but you are going through something your fellow lesbian sisters across the world also have felt like.

I'm lucky to live in a Nordic country, so I won't pretend to be able to fully relate to your situation, but I can say this: There are as many bi women and lesbians where you live as in my country. We are everywhere, we will never go away, and you are never as alone as you might feel. In moments of deep loneliness, I remember all those women in history who were able to find each other and be together against all odds. You can find them from books and movies. Even today, all over the world, women like us find each other and make connections.

In fact, most LGBT people I know have just sort of found each other, as if gravitating naturally towards each other. I'm sure you too will find those circles, those places and hobbies where we just happen to be. There are more of us than it feels.

I know meeting people in real life is priceless, but you should also take advantage of the internet. Make connections here, anonymously if your safety demands so (no photographs, burner email, VPN, nickname and avatar with no connection to your other social media accounts etc). You'll find likeminded women, hope and advice, perhaps even from your own country no matter how small or conservative it is. Hell, years ago I followed here on tumblr a lesbian from Bahrain, and she finally managed to move out of her country. I also advice you to scroll our #ask tag. I remember at least one Saudi lesbian Sade replied to with a lot of thought and help.

You are not alone, Anon! There's hope and a future waiting for you!

-Lavender

[twistedtummies2]

Year of the Bat - Number 17

Welcome to Year of the Bat! In honor of Kevin Conroy, Arleen Sorkin, and Richard Moll, I’m counting down my Top 31 Favorite Episodes of “Batman: The Animated Series” throughout this January. TODAY’S EPISODE QUOTE: “Man or woman, a sick mind is capable of anything.” Number 17 is…Harley & Ivy.

There are many episodes in B:TAS that can be considered “landmark moments,” not just for the show, but for the lore and history of Batman – in general – moving forward and into the present day. Characters and stories that were so well-conceived, and so incredibly interesting, that later writers, artists, and creators in general would find them to be fountains of inspiration, and which fans still adore to this day. “Harley & Ivy” is one of those landmarks. It not only expanded on the character of Harley Quinn – thus further ensuring her long-lasting legacy as a character – but also on the much older character of Poison Ivy, and provided perhaps one of the most popular supervillain duos in the history of fiction.

Once again, Batman is sort of a secondary player in things for this outing. The focus of the story, really, is on three of his greatest villains: Harley, Ivy, and his arch-nemesis, the Joker. The plot begins when Joker, angry at Harley after a botched robbery, kicks her out of the gang. It’s indicated this isn’t the first time this has happened, and Harley – fed up with the Clown Prince’s ego (despite still having feelings for him) – decides to try and show him up by pulling off a few crimes on her own. Her schemes cause her to come in contact with Poison Ivy, and the two decide to team-up, as Ivy seeks to drill some more backbone and independence into her new partner-in-crime. When their crimes lead to them upstaging the Harlequin of Hate, however, Joker is quick to try and get some revenge. Out to stop all three villains, Batman is dragged into the mess, as usual. This episode really solidified the relationship between Harley and the Joker. In earlier stories, they’d actually gotten along rather well, but this is the first story where we see the unhealthy, dangerous side of their relationship. Over time, writers and creators have gone back and forth on how toxic or how surprisingly touching the relationship should be, but this was the status quo with the original Animated Series version of Harley moving forward: the Joker is awful to Harley, an abusive creep of the highest order…yet he also can’t be without her a lot of the time, for one reason or another. Harley, meanwhile, is hopelessly devoted to the Ace of Knaves, but at times she’ll show a surprising amount of gumption, whenever the Joker does something she REALLY doesn’t agree with.

Of course, the real major relationship here is Harley and Ivy themselves, and in this first outing, it’s nailed perfectly. In the original show, the pair are essentially best friends, and were described as having a sisterly sort of bond. Later reinventions – as well as numerous fanworks – would go further, making the two into love interests; arguably the most popular lesbian couple in the history of superhero fiction. While you COULD argue there are hints of that in their interactions in this episode, and throughout the Animated Series as a whole, I don’t necessarily feel like they were intentional…but regardless of how you look at them – as lovers, sisters in bond, or simply very good friends – watching these two bounce off one another is just as great as seeing Harley and the Joker together. Sometimes even more so! For Poison Ivy, I would argue, it’s ESPECIALLY interesting, because she’s so often depicted as a lone mama wolf, so to speak; a highly independent character who shows little to no empathy for most other human beings. Yet for some reason, you can tell Ivy actually does legitimately care about Harley, even as early as this first appearance. Seeing Harley’s bubbly, childish, manic personality rebound off of Ivy’s more serious, sarcastic, sardonic attitude creates a lot of comedic and dramatic tension. It’s the Animated Series that really made me fall in love with Ivy as a character, and I think a big part of that DID come from her interactions with Harley. Out of all the other characters Harley has been paired up with besides the Joker in times since – from Deadshot, to Killer Croc, to Lobo, and so on – something about Harley & Ivy’s particular partnership remains arguably the strongest of all. It all started with this episode, and anyone who loves these characters owes it to themselves to check it out, if they haven’t already.

Tomorrow we move on to the halfway point of the countdown, with Number 16! Hint: “Fear’s a prison, you see, and I’ve just broken out!”

[jenyifer]

So Let Them Burn review

7/10 🚫🌶️

How this was sold to me. Ace MC with dragons Jamaican-inspired fantasy. I would sell it differently. How about a beautifully inspired Jamaican and… boarding school fantasy with dragons, two sisters scarred with a war for independence which they were victorious in. One forced to the other side with dragons and One forced to find a way to save her. Soooo about the asexual demisexual thing…. I whole heartedly support the whole ace spectrum my best friend sister is some form of ace so I have researched it. I’d say… the MC that is supposedly demisexual may just be young she has feelings for Two characters. 1 is someone she knows for a long time the other is a new comer which idk seems unlikely? She’s also young so??? It’s still fluid I’d say. If you are looking for an ace spectrum book to avoid romance this isn’t it and if you want a confusing romance this is for you. The other MC is a lesbian. I like her relationship. I like the dragons. I like the mystery. However you get a lot less of the Jamaican inspired fantasy elements than you’d expect. I was fully ready for some of the tales I knew from growing up outside of New Orleans. Some of our Cajun tales are similar since Jamaicans and other islanders live in New Orleans. I wanted MORE. I also was longing for the first book you feel like you are missing about the war for independence. I wanted to root for the queen and the gods over throwing their oppressors. I wanted more out of the book in general but not in a good way. I almost stopped listening several times because it was annoying me so badly. The mystery was awful. I love dragons… there are some dragons which is cool. The ending bittersweet I assume a sequel.

Final thoughts good book if you want an interesting dragon fantasy. 

Okay now I need to talk about what made me want to mark the thing lower the ending. Spoilers after the cut:

So the book was… pointless? What was the correct course of action? Farron should have let Alaura leave. Alara was never really in a shit ton of danger. If she wasn’t being pressed to go back would anything would have happened? I don’t blame Farron for trying to save her sister however alara should have told Farron she could handle things and to forget about it. Alara and her gf could have fought for peace from within. Farron could have done the best for her people. If my sister told me to trust her I would. I would want to be with her but if I couldn’t at least she would be safe bonded to a dragon. Idk… seems… crazy. The gods were right Farron was selfish did she actually care about her sister? Or just not wanting to be lonely cause no one else could stand her.

[alternate-kiza]

Just because someone might care, here are my HC notes:

Nicknames

Penguin- Winter

Apoo- Ghost

Kid- Alex(Real name)

Hawkins- Baz

Luffy- Lulu (Occasionally)

Drake is Drake or That thing

Kiza and Alen have two kids: Alemer(3) and Laika(4)

Kay and Guin’s sons name is Santory. Their daughters name is Guentil. She is a robot, cyborg.

Shachi Ravedell

Orca Ravedell

Dain Ravedell

Penguin Rouge

Guin Rouge

Killer Zedelic

Mason Zedelic

Vault raised Raid, Apoo, Mylu

Apoo raised Kid with Penguin since he was 3

There is a curse where a Scratchmen has to take care of a Eustass and vice versa. The earliest y anyone knows of was with Eustass Avolta and Scratchmen Mia. Avolta raised Mia after Mia’s father left her. Mia’s father knew the repercussions of not doing so. Avolta was 10 when she started taking care of Mia. She died in childbirth with Vault at age 21.

Angel and Mia were lovers. Angel got taken back to her home town and forced to marry a man. Mia was enslaved by a disgusting man. She has been able to escape three times, but was always brought back.

Angel was lucky to have a husband that was also forced into the marriage, so they were able to come to an agreement.

Mia wasn’t so lucky; one of the ways she found to take revenge was to remove his genes from her kids. First one(Raid) ended up being related to Vault(the one she was replacing the genes for). The second one(Apoo) came out perfect and wasn’t related to either Vault or that disgusting man. The third(Mylu) was going to be Mia’s replica, and besides the red hair and purple eyes, she was.

Because it was Mia’s second escape, Apoo was hunted by his real father from the moment he was born. Luckily he was too busy to notice that Mia did it again. This ended up being very helpful to Apoo because he made so many strong allies.

There was an incident that occurred because of Penguin; twice. This even was when Apoo first met Penguin. 23 years ago, Penguin escaped the facility and was now on the run. This has happened before when Penguin was 3. Apoo first seen Penguin after killing a fleet admiral. That day he swore to himself that he will become strong. So Apoo spent three years training with the yanko and Roger. It was also the reason he was captured.

Mia age: 57/ birthday: 8-19

Vault: 46/ 4-23

Angel: 56/ 10-2

Raid: 33/ 6-4

Mylu: 28/ 2-15

Zonne: 32/ 1-7

Mörderin: 55/ 7-26

Collec: 26/ 9-13

Raid married Hawkins’ blue haired older sister, Zonne.

Heat has an older brother ; Calor. He has short blue hair that goes left, and golden yellow eyes.

Wire doesn’t have any biological siblings but he has a pack that he considers family. The pack has 16 members with 12 being adults and 4 being children.

Raid, Apoo, and Mylu have one younger sister that is almost exactly like their mother they have contact with; her name is Collec.

Angel is a lesbian

Mia is bisexual

Mylu is Aroace

Kiza: March 4

Dally: April 9

Alen: May 12

Kay: January 2

Vanessa: July 26

Dino: February 7

Guin: June 18

Lone: December 31

Orca: October 1

Dain: October 1

Mason: August 13

Record: September 24

Useless: November 19

Kiza doesn’t care about labels

Dally is in a polyamorous relationship with Vanessa and Dain.

Alen also doesn’t care about labels

Kay is pansexual

Vanessa is aromantic but has a physical relationship with Dally. Does it with Dain when Dally is unavailable.

Dino doesn’t care what they are, if Dino likes it doesn’t matter.

Lone, Aroace

Guin is a straight ally. Would be bisexual if Vanessa didn’t traumatize her.

Orca is Gay

Dain has a romantic relationship with Dally. Doesn’t like intercourse, but will participate in it with women only.

Mason is bisexual

Record is a straight ally. Tried it with Dain but didn’t like it.

Useless isn’t straight but does prefer girls over guys.

The Demon Pirates ship name is Vaixell Embru.

Penguin found Kid first. They met up with Apoo later in the week. Because of the bond Kid ended up mixed with their dna. Now Kid isn’t recognized for having biological parents because some of the dna he got overridden his biological parents. As a result people just say Apoo and Penguin are his parents.

Useless knows papier-mâché and origami.

Alen’s cover name is Rozil. He likes to become a female. Has participated in drag shows.

Who’s child is who’s:

Sap trio: Kiza, Kay, Lone, and Useless

Killjoy trio: Alen, Vanessa, Guin, and Mason

Traitor trio: Dally, Dino, and Record

Party trio: Orca and Dain

Duo’s

Zoro and Law: Season

Drake and Zoro: Salt

Apoo and Kid: Tact

Drake and Wire: Chase

Drake and Luffy: Unicycle

Hawkins and Luffy: Lights

Apoo and Penguin: Creation

Penguin and Kid: Winter

Heat and Wire: Round bout’s

Kid and Luffy: Affection

Hawkins and Drake: Chaos

Apoo and Drake: Spy

Apoo and Hawkins: Opposite

Apoo and Law: Trip

Kid and Wire: Word

Penguin and Hawkins: Steal

Killer and Shachi: Scare

Luffy and Shachi: Dissolve

Kid and Zoro: Alcohol

Penguin and Killer: Cheesy

Drake and Law: Mirror

Heat and Zoro: Test Play

Drake and Heat: Game

Law and Luffy: Question

Zoro and Luffy: Lost

Penguin and Zoro: Potion

Kid and Law: Reality Check

Shachi and Wire: Fluff

Heat and Shachi: Fly

Penguin and Shachi: One Way

Hawkins and Killer: Crazy Blonds

Killer and Heat: Burn

Killer and Zoro: Sword Play

Hawkins and Shachi: Dress Up

Kid and Drake: Tutu

Penguin and Law: Ice

Kid and Killer: Rock

Zoro and Wire: Tease

Penguin and Luffy: True

Apoo and Wire: Capture

Luffy and Heat: Kind

Killer and Drake: Riot

Penguin and Heat: Sponge

Shachi and Law: Write

Killer and Wire: Target

Killer and Luffy: Dance

Penguin and Drake: Swing

Shachi and Drake: Mark

Penguin and Wire: Sight

Hawkins and Heat: Kitten

Apoo and Killer: Whereabouts

Kid and Heat: Document

Apoo and Luffy: Faye

Kiza and Dally: Fight

Alen and Kay: Stand By

Orca and Dain: Twins

Vanessa and Orca: Discover

Kiza and Alen: Lovely

Vanessa and Dino: Feared

Dally and Vanessa: Tainted

Dain and Record: Sweethearts

Lone and Mason: Rights

Kay and Guin: Mechanic

Mason and Useless: Background

Dally and Dino: Run

Orca and Mason: Jester

Trios

Apoo, Kid, and Penguin: Dart

Apoo, Hawkins, and Drake: Traitor

Penguin, Killer, Zoro: Killjoy

Kid, Luffy, Law: Sap

Shachi, Heat, and Wire: Party

Kid, Law, and Zoro: Theoretical

Penguin, Shachi, and Law: Heart

Apoo, Law, and Heat: Adults

Apoo, Drake, and Wire: Run

Penguin, Apoo, Luffy: Confident

Kid, Law, and Zoro: Watermelon

Drake, Zoro, and Heat: Quest

Kid, Drake, and Law: Game Glitches

Groups

Hawkins, Killer, Luffy, and Shachi: Destructive crew

Drake, Law, Zoro, Wire, and Heat: Outcasts

Apoo, Penguin, Kid, Luffy, and Zoro, Live Cast

Apoo, Penguin, Kid, and Drake: Game setters

Hawkins, Killer, Drake, and Wire: Insanes’

Apoo, Heat, Law, and Zoro: Calm Ones

Penguin, Kid, Luffy, and Shachi: Childish Games

Penguin, Hawkins, Luffy, and Shachi: Mothers Night

Fusion related:

Shachi, Luffy fusion uses flaming yo-yos

Penguin, Hawkins is called the Stealer and they have a scarf in their braided hair that has little penguins on the end.

Dart trio have a coat that has falling snow.

Raid and Zonne have a son named Parslee and a daughter named Azcielo and their youngest son Rofujo

Dino got together with Page One. They have a daughter with purple hair and red eyes. She got the time ability with hers being a Divided watch. Her younger brother has blond hair and purple eyes. People like to say he’s a new Drake.

Daughters name is Rellovis and the sons name is Pàgin.

Angel and Zonne: Blue hair and red eyes/ father is blond

Raid, Vault, and Mylu: Red hair and purple eyes

Mia and Collec: Black hair and brown eyes

Apoo’s real father: Dark yellow green hair and yellow eyes

Mia, Raid, and Collec have the same face structure as Apoo

Mörderin: Ginger hair and crystal green eyes with the face of Killer.

Regain memories:

Penguin: Never lost them

- Was born in the facility so there was nothing to build on.

Apoo: Two days

- Erased and replaced his entire memory.

- Got rid of the ones before the facility, so there was nothing to build on.

Kid: Memory Exposure

- Spending time with the ones that remember.

- Since there wasn’t much to build on the erased and replaced memories are fragile.

Luffy: Ace’s Death

- Ace’s death reminded Luffy of Hawkins’ death.

Law: Past Dream

- He has appearing fragments of memory.

- Most of the time they happen when he sleeps, and for the the first year thought they were nothing but dreams.

- He got a fragment when he met with the others that weren’t on the crew.

Killer: Instigator

- If Killer finds evidence of his memories being fake, he will hold an investigation.

- Is the instigator for Hawkins getting his memory back.

Hawkins: Investigation

- Will only remember throughout an investigation.

- Hawkins will not notice it on his own, someone has to point it out to him.

- This will lead to him gradually getting memories back.

- Will be with Killer throughout the process, and has to happen during the alliance.

Wire: Click

- It just happens

- His presence/memory is constantly present, and often makes itself known.

Shachi: Realization

- Cannot be one of the firsts, and if Shachi is, then everyone fallows.

- Only comes when he realizes that he knows nothing about Penguin

- Can only happen after two years

- Otherwise Shachi will just write it off

Children left:

Useless: Immediately

- Before Kid lost his memories, he took Useless to Dragon.

- Has met Robin, but no one knows who he is.

Kay: One year

- Stayed for one more year, but left because he wanted to work on his machines.

- Has become well known, and even got a bounty with no picture.

- Will have shown up on Wano briefly, but is on Egghead where his daughter is.

Dino: Three years

- Only left because it got too much, and went straight to Penguin to get fixed.

- Got turned into a doll and couldn’t move, so she stayed with the beast pirates.

- Gets to Wano before Penguin arrives

Mason: Two years

- Is out walking in a snowstorm when Killer or one of the Kid pirates find him.

- Would have stayed, but he needed to start working on getting Kid and Killer back.

Record: Two years or Three years

- Depending on weather or not Mason is with the Kid Pirates depends on when she gets out.

- If Mason isn’t with the Kid pirates then she gets out in two years

- If Mason is with the Kid pirates then she will get out in three years.

Kiza: Last

- Kiza will be the last to go, despite everyone’s protest

Alen: Three years

- Will be on punk hazard if he does leave in three years.

- He won’t be alone, the children will be with him (Laika and Alemer)

- The straw hats that don’t know will think Robin is his mother. (Luffy, Franky, Brook, and Jinbe are the ones that know)

- When Alen explains what his other dad is like those straw hats are skeptical to think it’s Sanji

Vanessa: Copy cat

- Mostly shows up when there is a copycat

- Usually it’s when she’s being copied.

These aren’t all the notes, I’ve got an entire other post for anything that happened in/during the facility. I’m also not done with the notes in general so some stuff is going to be incomplete.

Other notes posted:

[chuthulhu-reads]

[ID: A page from Fruits Basket. In the first panel, Megumi is looking up as his sister, who is just barely off-panel with her arm visible at the very edge, says, "...actually... I was a little... jealous, too..." The second panel is solid black with Saki's thoughts in white text as she continues, "It felt like the Sohma family had taken Tohru-kun from me. It left me feeling... lonely." The third panel is the rest of the page and wraps around the other two, and shows Saki pulling out her hair tie, releasing her long, wavy black hair and smiling gently as she says, "But... you are right. That's why I cannot be selfish..." Just above Saki's head is a quote from Megumi earlier in the chapter, saying, "Respect the other person's feelings." End ID.]

I used to be obsessed with Saki Hanajima for reasons I couldn’t identify as a 14-year-old but I am holding my younger self’s face in my hands and gently saying: it’s because she’s beautiful and self-possessed and you are very much a lesbian, and that’s okay.

...Also nowadays I find it really hard to NOT read Hana as a barely-closeted lesbian who’s in love with Tohru. I mean, everyone in the manga comes off like they’re in love with Tohru, but Hana's interactions with attraction to men are pretty interesting; she talks about Tohru dating Yuki or Kyo more like a mother seeking solid prospects for her daughter than a teenager talking about booooooyyyyyyyyssssssss, she never seems to notice how absurdly attractive the whole Sohma family is, with the exception of Kazuma… who she only, very flatly, expresses an attraction to after finding out he’s Kyo’s dad, which has two levels to it for me. One is the terror of being outed making you seek someone “safe” to express attraction to, most commonly a male celebrity who’s definitely unattainable (me aged fifteen sitting down, thinking it through, and deciding to be attracted to Taylor Lautner and getting one of his shirtless Twilight posters to seal the decision. That’s how you experience attraction, right?), or, if pressed to choose someone “real”, someone who’s still impossible to pursue due to age/status/something else.

The other level is fucking with Kyo. You KNOW she loves fucking with Kyo. This is not a crush this is a bit and it will go for as long as it has to before Kyo realizes he’s being fucked with (this period will be measured in years). Honestly my favourite read is that Hana and Uo are a goth/jock lesbian duo who have both tragically fallen in love with the same straight girl (we’ve all been there) and bond as besties over that and live with each other during college for a solid two years before they realize they’re also in love with each other and could have been making out this whole time.

[daughter-of-melpomene]

I am LOVING what I'm hearing about Via Winchester, and I would love to know more about her (and I'd like to ask if I could be added to the taglist for her please!!!!!) And - if this isn't too spoilery - whether she ever gets to meet her other other half-brother Adam.

Ohhhh, thank you so much for asking!! It makes me really happy that you like her :)). And of course you can be added to her taglist!!

So, as I said in her intro post, Via is the result of a three-night stand between John Winchester and her mother, Anne. They met during one of John's hunts, when he travelled to the small town in Iowa where Anne lived to investigate rumors of a werewolf pack. John left town again before Anne even realized she was pregnant, and her conservative family disowned her once they realized she would be having a baby while still unmarried, but Anne still sent John a letter using the address he'd given her of the house Sam and Dean grew up in (which, despite having, she never used to look for him), to tell him that she would be having their daughter. John made sure Sam and Dean never saw the letter, but he made sure he was able to keep tabs on Via and Anne, despite never replying to the letter or making any effort to contact his daughter.

When Anne dies in a car accident when Via's eleven, John sees this as an opportunity to possibly connect with his daughter (and turn another one of his children into a hunter), but he knows that Social Services likely won't allow him to take custody of her. So he shows up at the foster home Via is temporarily staying in, announces himself as her father (with a faked DNA test and letter from Social Services to prove it), and takes her back to his small house, where she finally meets Dean and John begins to train her to be a hunter.

And Via may turn out to be pretty skilled for her age - she's a really good shot, she's quick to memorize different banishing incantations, and she can even take Dean down in a fight by the time she's fourteen - but she hates it. Hates essentially being a child solider, hates that John can barely even remember her mother's name when Anne still loved him enough to give her daughter his last name, and hates that Dean, despite the nice brother-sister bond they've developed, still treats him like some kind of hero regardless of how much of an asshole he is. Which is one of the big reasons why she's not exactly devastated when she's fifteen and he goes missing after going out on a hunt.

But Dean is hellbent on finding John, and Via hates the thought of staying in that small lonely house by herself, so she goes with him to pick up Sam, the brother she's never met, and head off across the country looking for their old man. Not that Via wouldn't be totally cool if they never found John, but at least she's getting some bonding time with her brothers out of it, so she tries not to complain too much.

She's also a badass lesbian disaster! I'm currently still deciding whether to create another OC to be her girlfriend or not give her a love interest at all, but knowing me I will definitely be creating another OC (😅).

As for Adam, I'm not far enough into the show yet to have actually seen him, but I do know about him! I'm not one hundred percent sure what exactly Via's reaction to meeting him is, but I'm sure it'll be something along the lines of rolling her eyes and muttering about how of course John has more than three kids, she'd be surprised if they didn't have half-siblings all over the country.

Again, thank you so much for asking about Via!! I'm definitely looking forward to exploring her and her story a little more!!

[tryst-art-archive]

"Whatcha Reading?"

            One autumn six years ago, a girl by the nickname of Mare happened to suffer a bout of uncharacteristically outgoing behavior upon spotting a younger girl who was reading Lirael by Garth Nix. Mare approached the girl and inquired of the book. In doing so, she took the first step toward an immensely strong bond the likes of which neither girl had known before nor would know after. Indeed, this relationship proved to be one of the key aspects influencing the lives of the two girls.

Mare and I, the younger girl, share a rare case of friendship. Unlike most bonds which break when stretched over distance, the bond between Mare and I actually strengthened when put to the test. We had initially lived fifteen minutes’ walk away from each other. This changed the summer before Mare entered high school, when she moved to Vermont. She was, suddenly, three hours away. It was then that we became the sisters of one another’s souls or “sissahs,” as we termed it. Our friendship, we felt, was unique, and indeed it began to shape us as people.

            For myself, the friendship expanded my ability to interact with others. I had, over the years, become accustomed to sheltering myself behind a façade that marked me as that bland, uninteresting, harmless person who can only ever be described as “nice.” I had learned, furthermore, to alter that façade based upon whom I was interacting with, and I had also discovered the safety of acting as a lapdog to stronger personalities. With Mare, this changed. Though her personality was stronger than mine, she was far too submissive to allow for my own subordination. Thus, I began to find within myself the potential for becoming the stronger personality. By conversing and spending time with Mare, I began to become more accustomed to “being myself.” I thus learned how to show who I was when interacting with other people. Consequentially, my general sociability increased, allowing me to later partake in my high school’s drama club and develop leadership skills in the Environmental and Recycling Club.

            Mare also helped to increase my open-mindedness. For example, Mare is a lesbian, and I was witness to her discovery of this fact. She introduced me to the gay community’s perspective, and I became one of the first members of my graduating class who understood and accepted gay and lesbian students. I eventually became the teacher in my own turn, helping sheltered friends who had been brought up believing that homosexuality was somehow morally corrupt and disgusting to overcome their prejudices. Even now, Mare’s influence allows me to consider new ideas and see them for both their merits and their faults.

            Mare, the “other” who startled me out of the sad, lonely shell I had once inhabited, has been a tremendous influence and friend. She has aided me in nearly every aspect of life, helping me to become a better person, advising and comforting me in times of need, as well as supporting me in both my creative and academic efforts. I have grown from the isolated, resentful child I once was, moving on to develop new relationships, uncover contentment, and begin to look beyond my own, small world. I find it safe to say that I could not have progressed so much without Mare’s influence.

[lucky-sevens]

so, you’ve heard about the mechanisms, but have no idea what they are or how to get into them?

the mechanisms are a steampunk folk concept band! if you’re familiar with the decemberists, some of the stuff david bowie has done, or steam powered giraffe, it’s a bit like that- each album tells a story! (the albums are all tragic space operas, with the added bonus of being very queer!)

the bit where it starts to get complicated is the band itself. they’re all playing characters, and they do their shows in character! so, basically, the narration on the albums isn’t omniscient- it’s being narrated by the mechanisms, who have opinions about the story and tend to get involved in it at some point. to differentiate them from the actual band, i’m going to refer to them as ‘the crew of the aurora’!

further details under the cut! (edit: added some links!)

the albums

they have 4 main albums, which you can listen to on spotify, bandcamp and youtube! just look them up, there's a youtube account called TheVoidSings that does lyric videos + album playlists, as well as the mechanisms official account! in addition, they are all linked at the end of this post.

(note: the albums are all tragedies, and there’s some pretty intense stuff that can happen- i wouldn’t let that steer you away from it as they are very good and well done, but if you tend to like lighter or happier stories, be a bit careful going in? a lot of queer characters tend to die- because 1. everyone dies and 2. everyone is queer- which, while it’s not bury your gays, i know some people like to avoid.)

album descriptions

-once upon a time (in space)- based on european fairy tales! stars snow white and her attempt to rebel against the evil king cole and his intergalactic empire and rescue her sister, rose red! also has a lesbian romance at the center! 

-ulysses dies at dawn- based on greek mythology! stars four 'suitors'- orpheus, oedipus, ariadne, and hercules- trying to break into ulysses/odysseus' secret vault on a job for the olympians, an elite mob family with a stranglehold over the planet it takes place on 

-high noon over camelot- a steampunk western based on arthurian legend! features poly arthur, guinevere, and lancelot on a quest for the G.R.A.I.L, the control center of the abandoned space station they're trapped on 

-the bifrost incident- based on norse mythology! a locked room mystery around what happened to the ratatosk express, a train that disappeared eighty years ago with all of the asgardian ruling class on board. this album is also rock, versus the earlier ones which were folkpunk. 

you can listen to them in any order (i've summarized them in order of release), but you should listen to the album of your choice in order/all the way through! (my personal favorite is high noon over camelot!)

the crew

the crew of the aurora is a group of nine queer space pirates! they’re all immortal, mostly because of dr carmilla, a morally ambiguous, very lonely lesbian vampire who has a slight problem with experimenting on dying children. they all have a mechanical part of some kind- for example, ashes o’reilly has mechanical lungs, because they originally died from smoke inhalation. that part is called their mechanism, and it’s what’s keeping them immortal! (also, their immortality works by having them come back from death, rather than being unable to be harmed. this can result in them doing really stupid shit, dying, and then just coming back. they murder each other a lot to bond) there’s a lot of found family vibes, which is quite nice! in general, despite being tragic figures themself, they add an air of humor to the albums with their banter and the like!

each of the crew has their own backstory, mostly from quite different genres! if you’d like a fairly comprehensive version of all their backstory songs, i’d recommend this recorded show and if you’d like just an assessment of their general vibes/a good intro to everything, i’d suggest looking up ‘the ignomious demise of dr plitchard’ (one of their stand-alone songs)

bonus content

recorded gigs- there are quite a few out there, and i’d highly recommend listening to them, because the shows were the original way the media was supposed to be! there’s a ton of in character banter, they’re all in costume, all that! 

death to the mechanisms- the mechanisms’ last show! it has a very bittersweet vibe, but there’s also incredible lighting, as well as proper recordings of tales to be told and drunk space pirate (the songs they play at the beginning and end of each show!) there’s also a lot of lore there that’s nice to know, including what it says on the tin: how they all, eventually, die. note- there’s a stream and an audio version. the stream is choppy and cuts out a lot, and the audio version is nice and clean, but the stream is still nice to watch because of the lighting and the visual jokes.

tales to be told volumes one and two- compilations of all their standalone songs! some of them fit with albums, and some of them are their own retellings that work on their own! this is also where all the backstory songs are compiled, though i’d recommend watching the recorded show i linked instead as that has the relevant exposition. 

frankenstein- a standalone, 10 minute album on youtube about the story of victoria frankenstein and the rogue ai she created.

dr. carmilla albums (exhumed and [un]plugged + ageha prototype edition, available on bandcamp)- songs telling the backstory of doctor carmilla, the mechanisms’ creator! they’re in a different style than the rest- think girl in red. lots of yearning lesbian music vibes. 

mechanisms fiction- this is on their website! has a lot of very interesting lore and character things, and i’d highly recommend reading all of it! it’s also very well written. personally, i’d recommend ulysses and narcissus go to the seaside, the quickest draw, archive footage, and bedtime story for the writing, and ever after, the story of the toy soldier, who killed dr carmilla, and ghost in the machine for lore!

resources

links to almost all the mechanisms content out there!

album links

once upon a time in space- spotify/bandcamp/youtube

ulysses dies at dawn- spotify/bandcamp/youtube

high noon over camelot- spotify/bandcamp/youtube

the bifrost incident- spotify/bandcamp/youtube

bonus content

tales to be told, volume 1- spotify/bandcamp/youtube

tales to be told, volume 2- spotify/bandcamp/youtube

frankenstein- spotify/bandcamp/youtube

mechanisms ‘supplementals’ (songs not in the albums, alternative versions, etc)- youtube

exhumed and (un)plugged- bandcamp/youtube

ageha (prototype edition)- bandcamp/youtube

mechanisms fiction

additional short story

tumblr (mostly an inactive blog for the band to post about shows they were doing, but features some in-character posts)

twitter (ditto)

---

gig compilation post

fiction compilation post

blog compilation post

deep lore post

fanfiction recommendations list

[my-strange-attraction]

What being a loveless aro means to me

I didn’t really know if I was going to acknowledge Arospec Awareness Week on this blog just because I talked so much about the aspec communities during Asexual Awareness Week and college is kinda busy right now but I came across a few posts talking about loveless aros and figured I’d write my own story down because I’ve only really acknowledged my loveless aro identity in passing in the tags of posts on here before. God that was all one sentence. Ok, without further adieu, I’m just going to get into what will probably be yet another essay post. If you’re following me these are just a given by now haha.

If you told me even just a year ago that I would call myself not only aro but a loveless aro, I would’ve laughed in your face. I had to work myself up to using all of the terms that I use for myself now by convincing myself that if I didn’t feel love in one way surely I could still feel it in another. I called myself ace because there was still a shot at romance, and I called myself aro after hearing about qprs because I could still enter a loving partnership, and I’ve eventually worked myself up to using the labels of “non-partnering” and “loveless.”

Love is confusing. It’s definitely not to be confused with attraction or affection because as I’ve said on here many times before, I have very strong platonic inclinations, perhaps more so than most people. But love and strong emotional bonds have always been tricky for me, even though I read all about them in books and the relationships between characters is my favorite thing to explore in media and really by all means I should not be as confused by it as I am.

The only people I’ve never had trouble saying I love are my mom and my little sister. My dad and I have a complicated relationship and my older brother feels distant even though over the years we’ve grown closer. Even from a young age, I had trouble saying out loud that I love my dad, not because I don’t care about him but because that’s just how our relationship evolved--we’ve never been particularly affectionate with each other and we even had a running joke when I was younger that I “sorta kinda liked” him. My mom was always vocal with her love for us children and my sister was my best friend growing up. We had spats but we shared a bedroom and we loved playing together and we always made up by the morning because that’s just how we were. 

Yet sometimes now I feel like the word “love” is weird coming out of my mouth. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it fits the situation, but most of the time it feels too loaded, and I operate better in situations where it feels more casual like saying goodbye in the morning or ending a call or that time in freshman year of high school where I was best friends with a girl who gave out “I love you”s to all her friends all the time. It’s better, I guess, when it feels more like routine than actual sentiment. When I end the rare FaceTime call with my best friend from childhood and she says “love you” I pretend I didn’t hear or I say it really quick. This is not routine. I’m not used to it. And we only talk every once in a while anyways.

I always feel really weird at the beginning of friendships too. Usually I don’t notice a friendship forming until the person in question has been talking to me for a while or until they call me their friend and I realize oh that’s happening. I also have trouble really opening up to people and feeling like I truly connect with them and that they truly know me. I have a strange thing about me where every once in a while I’ll make a friend and they start calling me their best friend before I even think of them as a close friend. This happened more in elementary and middle school but it’s very strange to me. Maybe it’s just my consistency or that I’m a good listener. I don’t really know, it just happens.

That, and when I do have a close friendship, people always assume that a) we’re related (when I was young, mostly, people always though my friends were my sister or something) or b) that we’re lesbians in gay love with each other (because I usually only make friends with girls idek). The way I have friendships is really intense for other people but I don’t really know why because for me it just feels like a friendship. I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s sharing interests and passing the time together so we’re not lonely. My friends are amazing, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t feel that same level of emotional connection that allows me to say I love my mom and sister without cringing.

This has gotten very rambly so I’m going to wrap it up, but in conclusion, I’ve realized over the past few months that my relationship with love is and has always been fraught, even before I identified as aro, and even in a non-romantic context. Calling myself loveless is freeing in a way, because it gives me a community and tells me I’m not a weirdo for being squeamish about the word “love” the way I am. I love love, and I love romance, and I love found family and all that stuff--I just don’t love it for me and that’s ok. Here’s to the green heart emoji 💚

[yan-twst]

Hello! May I request hc for the dorm leaders finding out that their female crush is only attracted to girls(female mc as a lesbian I stan-)? If you don't feel comfortable writing this then feel free to delete! I hope this was intresting ;-;

hell yeah lesbians rise up!!!! i included some of my own headcanons of how gay and lesbian stuff is in twst because i think it’s nice to have that there!

riddle rosehearts

riddle is immediately mortified- not because it turns out his crush is a lesbian, but because he’s now horrified all his “courting” may have come off as a bother or inappropriate. he’ll go beet red and apologize for that. he- he didn’t know! he didn’t mean to impose himself- argh!

is he heartbroken? a little. but he’s more worried that he may have come off as pushy. the queen of hearts may have been overbearing, but she never went out of her way to specifically bother anyone, and riddle feels the same way. he really really wants to make it clear he didn’t mean to bother her oh god-

once he calms down a bit, he’ll just, kinda... compose himself and apologize once more. if he had known, he’d probably not have made any advances (even though his “flirting” was more along the lines of inviting to unbirthday parties and sharing trey’s baking. it was nothing too invasive- hell, riddle’s crush wasn’t even aware he was flirting with her)

riddle will also bashfully ask if... well, even if he has no chance with her, he hopes that they can still remain friends. romantic or platonic feelings, he still really gets along with her- hell, everyone’s grown used to having her at the unbirthday parties, and trey already bakes extra for her every time.

he’ll take the title of being her friend with pride. riddle will quickly swallow down his heartbreak: this is something that has to be this way, and the fact that she likes girls simply means he’ll just be the best guy friend she possibly can have

leona kingscholar

leona “woman respecter” kingscholar takes the information well. he just kinda goes ‘oh’, nods, and takes a nap.

welp, there’s nothing to be done, so why get all sad and mopey? if the little herbivore likes girls, more power to her. welp, women are pretty and powerful. he understands why they like women. makes sense

leona is a bit sad, sure, but it’s only natural. he doesn’t dwell on it for long, though. if something can’t be changed, there’s no sense in thinking it over and over: he’s a man and his crush likes women, so that’s the end of that

despite it being so clear cut for him, he will take some time to talk everything out with her. he wants to make it clear: he was pursuing her romantically before, and he won’t anymore. he didn’t know she was a lesbian before, and now he knows

still, leona’s got a soft spot for the little herbivore. even though he might not be pursuing her anymore, it doesn’t change the fact he still feels like he’s gotta watch over her and help her. 

he’s just gonna be his usual grumpy self, really. he’ll still invite her over to practice magift, he’ll still tease them and call them “herbivore”. is he still in love? leona won’t ever mention it, really. does it matter? she’s his friend now, even if he calls her “annoying herbivore” whenever she wakes him up, and that’s pretty much all he could ask for

azul ashengrotto

fun fact did you know octopi have been seen displaying homosexual behaviours out in nature

which is to say, this isn’t anything new to azul. same-sex relationships are more common in his home than what he’s seen in the surface, but it’s not like lesbians are a new concept to him

oh don’t get it wrong he does cry when his darling tells him she’s not into men. he cries and then he lets her hug him until he stops. he then proceeds to be so mortified over it all he wishes he could go hide in his octopus pot

after apologizing for... that ordeal, azul will return to his usual composed self. it’s almost hard to tell he was a sniffling mess just a few minutes before if it weren’t for his puffy eyes

he composes himself quickly because, well... when he pictured himself getting turned down, it was always painful- old insecurities flaring, being told he wasn’t enough- but this was... not painful? it’s not as if he wasn’t good enough or something. his crush was just a lesbian! it’s not his fault, so it’s hard for him to feel sad over it

azul might even feel a bit bad for her. she’s... stuck in this all boy’s school, huh? the only girls here are probably the fae that control the weather... and the talking portraits...?

even though there’s really no girls for her to talk to, azul will still take on a protective attitude over her, giving the “if any girl breaks your heart tell me and the twins and we will avenge you” talk. azul doesn’t know why any girl would hurt her heart, because in his eyes she’s precious, but hey, he’s gotta protect his friend, right?

kalim al-asim

“wait you like women? oh me too!”

kalim takes it... so well. like, almost shockingly well? it’s like he processed the information in record speed, sorted out his own feelings immediately, and made peace with it all in a matter of seconds

kalim has many sisters around his age. one in ten people are gay. what i am getting at is kalim has lesbian sisters and so this revelation that his crush is lesbian doesn’t shake his world too much

he’ll admit it stings a little- love is a powerful thing, after all! but he thinks people who pursue others who are clearly not interested are scummy, and he’d never do anything like that

in his mind, it’s an easy ordeal. he trusts and likes her. she sees him as a close friend, and that’s the most he can be. so really, he should just be happy he’s as close to her as can be! he’s already at the top rung of being close to her, so he’s hit the goal, right?

kalim, god bless his heart, is that friend who will present his lesbian friends to any other lesbian friend he has. he has good intentions, but it might get a little tiring? and a bit overwhelming too when he brings up that he has sisters right around his age who are also into girls and suddenly he’s making plans for a big mixer party and oh god jamil please help and put a stop to this before it gets out of control please help he’s already planning a menu-

vil schoenheit

ooooh so she’s a lesbian ooooooh ok that makes sense. that makes sense. 

vil is like “oh! of course my incredible efforts into my appearance and into our friendship and in wooing her weren’t working. she is just not into men”

he’s almost surprised at how getting turned down like this just... didn’t bruise his ego at all. his efforts weren’t useless, he wasn’t doing things wrong, it simply couldn’t work! honestly, vil would have been more hurt if he’d put all this effort and his crush had been straight and still turned him down

hmm, so she’s into girls... then being here, in an academy full of men (who are, in vil’s opinion, horribly unrefined and ungraceful) must be rough.

just because he’s no longer trying to pursue a relationship with her does not mean that he’ll stop inviting her over for skincare or for trying on clothes. absolutely not. the fact vil even was attracted to her in the first place is because he saw her as someone with potential and that has not changed

he will immediately position himself as a big brother / best friend. just because he’s her friend doesn’t mean he’s gonna let her slack, though! he’s still gonna be checking she follows the skincare routine he set up for her, and that she’s eating and sleeping well- as much as he says it’s because he “wants to make her potential shine” or whatever, it’s just... overwhelmingly clear he just cares about her as a friend

idia shroud

out of all the ways he imagined getting turned down this has to be the one that he had NOT pictured and at the same time, it’s kinda the best one? crush was a lesbian so it wouldn’t work out, 10/10 turn down, didn’t make him go into a self deprecating vortex

once again, it’s the age old relief of “yes, i got turned down by my crush, but it wasn’t my fault, because it turned out she was a lesbian”. idia had ran so many scenarios of being turned down, of his crush being disgusted at him, that it all being resolved into her not liking men at all is... almost relieving?

and you know what. he gets it. when he sees his figurines and posters of his favourite idols and anime girls it’s like well duh of course she likes girls because girls are cute? 

he’s gonna have her rate his waifu tierlist. what? it’s not- it’s not weird, is it?! he’s just trying to bond, and- urgh, he kinda wants to know what her opinion on his waifus is. because his waifus are cute girls and she likes girls so ?? it makes sense? right? (idia might cry if she says his waifus aren’t That Good)

this whole ordeal might also result in the almost hilarious scenario in which ortho just straight up goes “Hey niichan, what is a lesbian?”

learning that his closest friend likes girls opens pandora’s box, the box being idia making his friend review every anime girl and gacha or visual novel girl that HE likes

malleus draconia

did you know reptiles are also quite gay? there’s even a species of lizard that’s just, entirely female. dragons are reptiles.

malleus, bless his heart, is not good at reading people. his crush will need to be Direct. trying to use metaphors like “I swing the other way”, or “I play for the other team” do nothing but further confuse him- when his crush finally cracks down and just goes “what I’m trying to say is I’m a lesbian” he finally, finally, understands what this is all about

malleus just... nods in understanding

he feels a little sad- it does sting, a bit, to know things can’t work out, but he’s also... happy. if she told him, that means she trusts him, right? 

malleus is happy enough to just have A Friend in general, even if he’d never admit he’s usually lonely. most people tend to run from him or be so intimidated they shiver when they hear his name. and yet, against all odds, he’s found a friend who likes being by his side, someone who didn’t know all the baggage that comes with his name. he’d be a fool to tear down that friendship just because he’s learnt it’ll stay platonic

also, as mentioned before, it’s not like homosexuality is some sort of taboo or odd subject. it’s actually quite common amongst the fae, especially those in Malleus’ kingdom. although he does say he can’t introduce her to any cute fae girls. he.... is not friends with any. (he just doesn’t have a lot of friends in general, but he refuses to say that because he... doesn’t want to sound “mopey”, lile lilia says he is)

[guardian-o-the-books]

Some RotG Episode Ideas bc that Potential Animated Series Project Post by @lumin0usfox Inspired Me

(( i haven't read book 5 of goc yet so mega apologies if some of this is off (im writing this with knowledgeup to War of Dreams) and assuming that most people outside of the fandom haven't read the books. im kinda writing it for that mindset))

- Opening episode is Jack and Jamie working on trying to get Jack believers. hyjinks ensue.

- like following the logic that William Joyce has already set that Burgess doesn't really have a specific time. like yeah it's like 2012 but it's also in the past so the Internet isn't really that big of a thing. So they can't just make a blog post or YouTube video and have it go viral. so they focus on more in-person not-offline ways of getting believers

-or idk maybe the technology does exist and a youtube video goes viral and Jack gets a lot of believers that way. the rest of the guardians are just... "is that allowed???".

- I know this is super self-indulgent but can we please have Jamie and North try to teach Jack, Bunny, and Tooth memes please. if nothing else than as a running joke

-an episode of all of the guardians checking up on pitch to make sure he's not trying anything. and since Jack's lost most of his memories this could be where he (and the audience) learns Pitch's past

- at least one episode that's not too much of jack really interacting with the guardians or the kids from Burgess specifically and we kind of get more of a glimpse into what his life was like before becoming a guardian or having believers

-holiday special must include a party at North's. I think this might actually be canon actually. plus sandy goes nuts for the eggnog so that's gonna be fun. Sandy absolutely destroys Bunny at charades.

-an episode where Jack is kinda awkward and still figuring out his role and dynamic with the guardians. like North invites his to spend time at the pole after he learns Jack doesn't have much of a home outside of The Oak of Sorrows and they really confront that whole "u guess abandoned me for 300 years and now we friend and give me a second I need to adjust. maybe they learn about how lonely jack felt or that they didn't know how bad it was."

-episode to introduce Katherine and how she's really come into her role as Mother Goose. maybe she's spent sometime moving on from nightlight. she still misses him obviously, but she's recognize that jack isn't him anyway and i can't imagine her trying to force anything or interfere with his life if she thinks he's happy. if the episode doesn't start with "Once upon a time, ..." then i give up.

- I really can't imagine romance being like a main focus point here but the grounds are kind of already laid for Jack and tooth to get together from the movie. And also because lesbians are powerful and make everything better, Katherine and mother nature could have bonded over their conflicts with pitch and IDK they would be an absolute power couple. Also Sandy is a literal alien, so I don't think he really cares much about human gender roles or standards. Non-binary icon.

- maybe because Jack hasn't been able to talk to the Man in the Moon for so long the Guardians 2 Straight Up take him to the Moon to get closure. This whole event can be like a 2 episode special or something. Maybe this is where Jack learns the night light lore if that would be something that anyone would wanna touch. (i love GoC and I've been a part of the fandom since at least 2016 but damn i still can't think of a non-completely convoluted way of connecting Jack to Nightlight. Maybe something happens after book 5 that causes NightLight to forget about the Guardians when he's in his human form the Guardians don't know who he became when he became human so they lost track of one another. (It could explain why the Guardians don't recognize Jack is Nightlight even though they look exactly alike and act the same and have the same powers.))

- these are all really plot-heavy so what are some light-headed episode ideas?? uhh... let's see...

-Similar to how Bunny has egg hunts and tooth has puting teeth under the pillow, Jack and Jamie try to figure what some tradition for him could be and try to popularize them.

- Jack finds out north used to be a criminal and the Bandit King. it's absolute chaos.

- Jamie has to get a bit more creative with coming up with excuses for why he keeps getting caught talking to the air.

-So what if this takes place a few years after RotG. We can see has Burgess has grown a bit and Jack has to see Jamie grow up a bit and start to enter high school. he still believes in jack of course but it could be bitter sweet plus Jamie at age 14 would be physically the same age as Jack. ~~ Parallels ~~ the inherent existentialism of being immortal, u know, fun stuff (if done right).

-Jack tracking down his sister's family in the modern day to know they're okay and so he can see the consequences of his sacrifice.

-Sophie is Bunny's helper for the day.

-really just a season where jack figures out his place with the guardians and more about who he is. those themes of found family and building trust with those around you. oooh that's the good stuff.

-I know this is ambitious but maybe like the first season could be Jack kind of building that relationship with the Guardians and his new Believers with hints of who he was in the past and then like the second season is the deeper dive into who he was unlike it just gets really deep and oh my God I can't stop thinking about those now.

[slasherscream]

ok hear me out. platonic claudia and reader BUT reader is like the rich lesbian wine aunt archetype

this is everything 

it all starts when claudia has run away from home. louis and lestat are beside themselves with worry. although         admittedly, lestat is more angry at her audacity to run away than concerned for her safety. 

claudia doesn’t expect to be away from the pair for long, she just needs a moment. an instant of peace. a peace that alludes her no matter how diligently she searches for it. she wonders if the emptiness inside of her, that tears her chest wide with longing, is anything like the turmoil that so easily eats away at louis day in and day out. 

she doesn’t know what she’s looking for when she leaves. she didn’t know she was looking for anything at all. until she finds you. 

she ran in the dead of night during one of the many tiring spats between louis and lestat. nothing but the clothes on her back and the shoes on her feet. 

when she thinks she’s traveled far enough to rest it’s been days since she’s fed. she only used the night to run, and slept fitfully during the day. she finds and eats her meal with relish and is then left to wander the city streets with her dress and golden curls dripping with blood. that’s when she comes across you. 

you gasp at the sight of her and move quite fast for a human, rushing to kneel before her, tugging her this way and that, looking for wounds you won’t find. you smell sweet and heavy. the perfume of a rich woman lingering in the air around you, blending pleasantly with the sweetness of your blood beneath your skin. 

just because you can find no source of the blood doesn’t mean you jump to the conclusion that the child is a murderer, obviously. 

you take her in your arms - intending to bring her to the law in order to get to the bottom of whatever horrible ordeal she’s been through - when she asks you where you’re going in a voice as light as wind-chimes. you tell her to the police and she begins to weep and crushes you to her body with a strength that startles you, the blood upon her dress seeping slowly into the fabric of your own.

against your better judgement you’re overtaken by a motherly instinct that has never gripped you before and you walk back to your estate, intending to calm and care for the young girl and deal with the law later. 

you didn’t know, at the time, that you are living out your last few moments as a human. claudia, as well, did not know that she was going to keep you alive. 

you strip her of her bloodied clothing and run her a warm bath. you clean her skin gently with a washcloth made of fine, soft materials. you tilt her head back to wash her hair and tell her to close your eyes now, sweet girl and though she has entered a period of fierce rebellion she finds herself listening to you mindlessly. 

there is a moment, while you are washing her hair that she opens her eyes and your gazes meet. she’d been observing you as you went about your task with a seriousness that was nearly comical (you had been around few children and were already considered a spinster by everyone who knew you or knew of you). you look briefly from her perfect, spiraled curls to her piercing eyes and your face softens. 

claudia is no stranger to people being disarmed by her looks. it is what makes her such an effective, deadly predator. but for once when she sees your face soften her own does too and she           wants. 

she doesn’t know what she’s feeling but then you kiss her forehead and tell her don’t worry, love and i’ll take care of you now and in an instant she knows. lestat as her maker, she doesn’t know how to deny herself anything, and already she knows she wants to keep you with her always.

in immortality she gained two fathers, louis and lestat, but she was robbed of so many precious things mortal girls experience, like growing old or having a mother. 

she hadn’t known she’d wanted a mother until you. 

there was still a hole in her chest that she knew could never be filled. that hole was for things like becoming a woman, watching as her face lost its baby fat and gained wrinkles and lines, falling in love, having a family of her own one day. but looking at you the hole ached less, which was more than enough for claudia, as she was nothing if not realistic. 

you only spend one night and morning together with you as a human. claudia knows her fathers are not far behind her and she can’t risk lestat killing you as a punishment or being talked out of turning you by louis. 

she turns you while you are sleeping. you wake to her bite. she is not a gentle feeder, but she is draining you of blood so quickly that you faint from sheer lightheadedness, let alone the pain. when you wake you are forever changed. 

claudia has already hunted down a human for you to feed off of by the time your heart has stopped and your eyes reopened. they are the same eyes but the person who looks through them is transformed. you are a predator now. you react like a predator when claudia throws the weakened human she has caught and injured onto the bedside beside you. your newly formed fangs rip through tender flesh to taste the most delicious thing you’ve ever smelled and all the while you hear the sound of a delighted laugh and excited clapping. 

when louis and lestat find you two it’s been two months since you were turned. long enough that claudia has taught you some semblance of control but more importantly, long enough for you two to grow close. you are both maker and creation. new friends and yet old, kindred spirits. sisters damned by the same curse, the same affliction. mother and daughter bound by affection.  

claudia is ready to be reunited with louis and lestat by the time they find her, but only on the condition that she is allowed to keep you. that you are allowed to be part of their family. 

louis, while disappointed that claudia turned anyone else, agrees nearly instantly. he’d been beside himself with grief and guilt (which, although not a new state of being for him, was much more severe considering the circumstances) over her disappearance. the mere sight of her cherub face had brought him to his knees. 

lestat was angry at the beginning of her disappearance but though he could, potentially, live for eternity, the longer he was without claudia the more his anger transformed to worry. he’d thought louis doted on the girl too much until she was out of sight and suddenly his every thought was consumed by her. was she alright? was she alive? was she lonely? was this, finally, the all consuming bond of a maker and their fledgling that he staunchly ignored? 

he pretended to think the decision over so as not to give claudia the gratification of him caving to her will like softened candle wax but she knew and he knew that she knew, that she would be coming home with you, and that you would all be a new kind of family. 

it’s an interesting transition for you all.

you’d already been eccentric in life. an orphan who was lucky enough to be left with a family fortune, you’d never had to marry to secure wealth and comfort. you’d kept mostly to yourself despite the depth of your inheritance and the pull it could gain you and you were considered strange by the high society you were born into, to say the least. 

being removed from the limitations of human morality was terrifying and freeing. you’d thought you’d been a rebel before. someone on the outside looking in, mostly by choice, and the choice had empowered you. claudia hadn’t offered you the choice to become a vampire but nonetheless you felt more free than you ever had before you met the young vampire. 

the two of you would prowl through the streets, dressed in finery, hand in hand, looking for prey and then playfully competing on who could take it down the fastest. 

there were many nights that you two would come home covered in blood, melodic laughter drifting through the halls of your estate that had once been occupied by only you. 

it amused you endlessly that the halls you’d once lamented had been void of life were now occupied by your newfound, undead family. 

matching high society outfits you had made so that the two of you match one another when you go out onto the town? yes, absolutely. what’s the point of being wealthy if not to get matching dresses made for you and your vampire daughter?

i cannot stress enough how lestat, who cannot fathom being close to anyone without using the powers of seduction, would be baffled by your lack of reaction to him. he wonders at first if claudia has already poisoned you against him but you seem perfectly content to be in his company. you just don’t react to any of his flirtatious comments or physicality. 

he doesn’t understand until he takes you to a bar and a prostitute, seeing your fancy dress, playfully straddles you and asks if you’d like to spend a night with her. no longer is there enough blood in your cheeks to make you blush but instantly your body language becomes sweeter and softer.

lestat, a known and notorious bisexual, understands immediately 👀

lestat bursting into a room where claudia and louis were peacefully playing piano together: don’t worry everyone! it was a false alarm! i’m still beautiful! it’s just that y/n is gay 

claudia is ENRAGED, by the way, that lestat kept making passes at you. you’re hers. you’re the only thing in the world that’s not immaterial and that’s just hers. for awhile it was just a fight to get claudia to let you talk to either man alone. louis was honestly a bit shocked that he was also subject to such treatment by claudia.

( bitter that he is no longer the #Favorite Parent? ..... maybe so... )

louis belongs to lestat, though claudia is sure louis loves her more; and lestat is taken by louis, though he is her creator as well. most days she feels like she is a pawn in a game she didn’t want to be part of. 

with you she is just claudia. claudia, your beautiful girl. claudia, your maker. claudia, the family you’d lived without for so long. claudia, the daughter you never would have had or wanted if she’d been forced onto you by way of marriage. 

you found one another in the perfect, shakespearean way. a maelstrom of beauty and tragedy alike. two lonely souls, never meant to truly belong anywhere, coming together. 

despite being a strictly familial relation the passion and fierceness of your devotion is enviable to all who meet you two. 

women will come up to you, drawn by your charms and looks and claudia will cling fiercely to your skirts, fangs barely suppressed. the women, unfortunately, never live for long once they’ve spoken to you.

when you catch eyes lingering upon your brilliant, vicious maker you tug her closer to your side and thank the lord - who you’re sure sees you as an affront to his grand plan - for the unholy strength in your body, fueled by the sweet blood of man. you imagine ripping apart the people who look at your claudia limb from limb. 

claudia encourages this protective, instinctual display of your love and affection. she praises you, no matter how bloody or careless a scene you leave behind. she doesn’t say it but you can see it in her eyes. she’s never experienced a mother’s love. maybe she’d had it once but she holds no memories of the woman who gave birth to her. for so long there was just louis and lestat. now there is you        mother. the first face she has ever been able to conjure when hearing the word. 

after you kill a despicable man who smiled too charmingly at claudia from a darkened alleyway you ask her if you feel so strongly towards her because she is your maker or because you’re family. she places a bloody hand gently upon your equally bloodied cheek and says ‘can’t it be both, my dearest y/n?’ you share wide, fang-tipped smiles with one another. 

[mooncruiser]

Heyy!! I’ve been meaning to pin my testimony, so here it is :)

So, my life wasn’t really the greatest growing up. I mention C-PTSD in my bio, and that’s what I’ll get into a bit. I’ll try not to be too graphic, but I can’t guarantee it’ll be totally safe.

There were some questionable things in my toddler years, a neglectful daycare center for 3 months, my dad being in and out of my life due to fear of getting attached at first, him flying off the handle once with me (my mom got on him for it, so it never happened again) but I think the trauma started with my cousins leaving me stuck out in a baby swing twice, a near death experience with a dog bite, and a homicidal attempt on me and my mom by my sister, who was 16 at the time (I’m 5 years old). 

There was also the dog cage incident I believe at…6 years old? Me and my brother were playing and he forgot me on accident. I pretty much accepted at this point that life was gonna chain me up and try to kill me lol, but it let up for a good while, and I had a pretty decent childhood. At 9 years old, there was the torturously loud school program in the gym I had to sit through for 2 hours, I think. 

It was at 10 when things became chronically ongoing. Domestic violence at home from my sister (physical, emotional abuse on me and my family), more physical and emotional abuse at school from my assistant teacher because I was on an IEP for my autism. At 11, I was sexually abused by my female friend who was 12, and her female cousin, who was 13. I was abandoned by my cousins and aunt, and I was being placed in a seclusion room at school during standardized tests (which was sensory deprived solitary confinement) even after I was finished for the day. At 12 years old, I started being emotionally neglected by my mother.

I mean, I was so angry and depressed and secretly suicidal at 10, but by 12 I was severely dissociating (I had been dissociating during trauma at various times prior). I had so much fear and anxiety that by the time I was 13 I’d be feeling like passing out 24/7, so I got on meds, which only helped the more severe physical symptoms, I guess. 

At 13, I started being groomed by this high school girl that liked me. She was a Sophomore, and I was in 7th grade. She noticed the neglect and told me she knew me better. She would give me gifts, teach me to ship gay pairings, gave me a gay pedophilic manga. Shamelessly told me she had sexual relations with her male cousin and his friends who were around my age. I blocked it out. 

I also had a very abusive friendship with a girl online who had BPD. My assistant teacher, who came with me to middle school, restrained and tortured me with the marching band’s loud music in the hallway, which only intensified my dissociative symptoms (I was actually switching alters at this point regularly and having no idea).

I remember at 13 being confused about my gender and sexuality. My mom was no help and just wanted me to hide it from my family and everyone else, for reputation purposes and she didn’t want me bullied. That was actually how I decided to get in contact with my grooming abuser, which I wonder at this point whether that was my fault. I didn’t expect her to really take over like she did, but I was essentially brainwashed into accepting whatever I was feeling for her benefit. I just wanted advice and a friend. 

I was so lonely, I had been desperate for friends for years, and I was desperate for someone to love me in any way, honestly. I was overeating. I’d spend hours daydreaming, in video games or entertainment to escape from school and everything else. During meltdowns, I’d be doing self injurious behaviors. 

So by 14, I come out as a lesbian. Had a couple relationships with girls who just saw me as a sexual object (I remember saying yes to sexual things even though I didn’t want to, just so that they wouldn’t abandon me. Dissociating off and finding it disgusting), would cheat on me with multiple people, ignore me for new friends, etc. 

The BPD friend I dated, when I broke up with her, immediately attempted suicide so that scarred me more into our trauma bond. She’d show me self harm pics she took from time to time. It scared me into making sure I didn’t trigger her again, but u know I never knew what triggered her in the first place, so, like with everything else, I had no strategy to life. It was either fight, run, dissociate or nod yes to everything. She took up the latter lol. 

I came out as trans my Freshman year, and stayed that way into my Sophomore year. I was bitter about dating because of the whole sexual object thing, and full of shame at the same time, thinking no one would want me. I thought I was asexual. I tried out a career high school honestly just to get away from the memories of my old school. 

Some feelings about being trans started to fade, but not entirely, so I went by genderfluid/genderqueer from 17-19. I was excited to make new friends at my new school, but my anxiety kept me from it. I opened up very awkwardly about my dating history to one girl (which tbh I shouldn’t have, but I had been brainwashed so lol) and she told all the girls in my lab, and I was excluded and bullied (and cyberbullied) from thereon. 

I didn’t know it at first, it was so subtle. But once I knew, I tried standing up for myself and told the principal, which made them leave me alone for the most part. They’d glare at me, use me at graduation, cyberbully me one last time 8 months after graduation, and that was it. I still had to deal with domestic violence until I was 22, but once I graduated everything pretty much hit me.

I knew I’d be too stressed out to go to college or work. School indoctrination tried to teach me to be neurotypical and expect this, but it wasn’t happening. I was too afraid to leave my house for a year, and too afraid to be honest online for fear of being watched and bullied, or stalked. I was seriously considering suicide down the line. I thought I had nothing left to live for. I was useless. Nobody cared. Friends moved on to their new lives and I was dying. 

That’s when Jesus stepped in.

I guess I started being curious about God again for the first time since I was 12. I always believed in God, was grateful to Him for being there for me during the domestic violence and never blamed Him for it. I found out about worship music and was thrilled, and a question came up. Was being gay a sin? My grooming abuser taught me that God made me gay, so it was alright. But I wanted to know for sure this time from the Word. 

To my surprise, she was wrong. The Bible said it was indeed, a sin (the practice, not so much the identity aspect). I couldn’t piece together why, so I struggled with it for months. On my 20th birthday however, when I got done creating fanart of a gay pairing, I felt strongly convicted by the Holy Spirit that it was wrong. So I went to God.

I said, “If it is wrong, please change me so I can make You happy, because I love You. In the meantime, I won’t do anything in support of it for a while. If it’s not wrong, don’t change me, and I’ll know which way is right because I trust You.” When I look back on it, it was a pretty crazy prayer. Lots of people have said they couldn’t “pray the gay away”, and I do wonder what the difference was with me.

After 3 months, I stopped to check if I still felt anything, and the feelings were gone. My gender dysphoria was gone, too. I was way too afraid to tell anybody yet, but I remember when I did, one of the first people I told was my grooming abuser. 

She was livid, tried one last time to intimidate me. Another time we crossed paths (she came out of nowhere saying hi, said she worked at that market, complimented me and walked away smiling) and I was triggered, I messaged her and told her how she hurt me and I couldn’t bear to be around her anymore, but I hoped she’d have a good life. She didn’t respond online, but she complained to my sister that I thought she was a predator, and by the end of the conversation tries to get her to tell me she said hi. When she had kids, she was planning on raising them to be nonbinary. Her husband was abusive to them, so she ended up losing them. She never bugged me again. 

I was blown away by how God had changed me. How He opened my eyes to the truth. I prayed for Him to open my eyes to whatever else I had been blind to, and He slowly began lifting off the amnesia surrounding all my traumas, urging me towards recovery with Him. I realized I might have OSDD-1b recently as well, which is strange that I could have possibly had DID prior to losing my amnesia? 

I have been on this journey ever since, journaling, blogging, researching, and finally in a wonderful therapy called EMDR where I truly release the traumas from my body, hear God’s new positive beliefs to replace old negative ones from my childhood, and experience loving extraordinary visions while processing that teach me to focus on Jesus, trust Him more, love and pray for my enemies, and have a real satisfying relationship with Him that’s unattainable with anyone on Earth, along with daily Bible study. 

The picture on the left was me at 16 in my old life, the one on the right is me in my new creation :) God bless all of you, thank you for reading this far 💕💖