#they never did it but i didn't understand the feeling especially without specific reasons

[wild-at-mind]

A weird thing I've noticed as someone living in England is how often people also living in England seem convinced their lives will improve massively if they just move to Wales or Scotland. Or sometimes further afield.

[xtransmasc-reader-scenariosx]

hey hey!! I was wondering if I could request headcanons of Prince soma from black butler falling in love with reader (they/them pronouns pls :3) and how he would go about courting them pls and Thank u :D!

//Absolutely my dear!!! Pairing: Prince Soma/ (they/them) reader Warnings: mild conclusion jumping, mild intoxication.

One thing about Soma that you found endearing was that he never did, or asked Agni to do anything, in half measures. No, if he was going to do anything or ask anyone else to do something, it was going to be at a hundred percent effort or nothing at all. Which was exactly why his sudden absence was so jarring to you. After all, you were his "Favorite Person", and thus one of the people he did his best to spend all of his time with. Yet for going on almost a week you hadn't seen him, even in passing. You'd over heard conversations of course, Soma wasn't a quiet person, and hadn't been for as long as you'd known him. And what you heard didn't exactly help what you were feeling. "Ciel, you don't understand, there's just something about them!" You'd heard Soma nearly sobbing through the study door and decided you could wait to talk to both of them until that, whatever it was, had been taken care of. "Agni, I can't take it anymore." You'd paused mid step outside the library when you heard him start. if something was bothering him you wanted to know, partly because he was a dear friend, and partly because you are nosey by nature, "Every time i spend time with Y/N it's just like -" He breaks into a sound that is somewhere between a groan and a scream and it made you hurt a little. There was no way to construe that sound other than being one of distress.

You retreated into your thoughts gradually. Had you done something wrong? Was there a reason Soma wanted to end your friendship? Why hadn't he said something? You've been friends since childhood, there had to be a reason he didn't tell you about this. Agni would probably tell you if you asked, as long as Soma hadn't made him promise not to. Unless of course the end of your friendship with Soma also ended your relationship with Agni, in which case he would be pleasantly evasive and you would remain in the dark. Going to Ciel or Sebastian was out of the question. Ciel tolerated you only slightly more than Soma, and Sebastian wouldn't tell you just to hold it over you that he knew something you didn't. Or, at least that was the feeling he gave off. Which ultimately left laying low and hoping this would pass like all of Soma's other low moods. None of that of course explained the weird questions you got asked by Sebastian and Agni throughout the week. Preferred drink with a long meal? Rose wine or a dark tea depending on what's being served. Favorite dessert? Anything sweet as long as it comes with coffee. Favorite music for a gathering? Anything upbeat but quiet enough not to impede the conversation. Any specifications for new clothes? Light colored and easy to move in please.

And then more nothing, at least from Soma and Ciel. The Phantomhive Servants seemed to be rushing to get something together for something big happening within the next few days. Meanwhile Agni didn't seem keen to let you out of his sight, especially when you were around Soma. Acting almost like a chaperone whenever Soma would ask for your attention and would struggle through a short conversation with you before panicking and rushing off. It was awkward, but cute. It reminded you of when you were growing up and he would have a crush on someone, though you were relatively sure he was just trying to find a polite way to say he wants nothing to do with you. Which he could do without Agni, it's not like you would start a fight just because Soma has outgrown you. It was bound to happen eventually. Has to grow up and be a royal, and well, you've got your job as a court musician. Which begs the question of what the hell you are supposed to do when Soma inevitably fires you.

Come Sunday you're startled awake by the sound of someone in your room. You open your eyes slowly while reaching for the knife you keep under your pillow just in case; a gift from Soma ironically enough; and then relax at the sight of Agni. You should have been surprised as it had been two weeks since the last time he had done something like this, but instead you found yourself overwhelmed by the familiarity of it. He waits to start speaking until you've sat sup some, a silent way of letting him know that you're coherent. "I've laid out your clothes for the day, they are for a party this evening so try to keep them clean." He opened the curtains as he spoke and you followed the trail of light down the bed to the outfit laid at the foot of your bed. It was a suit made of light, nearly pastel blue fabric with the suit vest being a darker blue than the over coat and pants, but lighter than the shirt. The suit coat caught your attention the most. It was a slimmer fit, which was something you preferred, the waist was close cut and the tailcoat to it flared out in layers almost like a skirt. You adored it. "The party will begin shortly after tea time and will include dinner and dancing."

You nodded slowly, "Okay. But why am I invited? I am not a member of the house, and it sounds like you already have a band to play..." "Soma wants you there." Agni replied as though it was that simple, "Don't be late, please, after so much planning I think it would leave him upset." Weird, but you could do that, "I was under the impression he didn't want me around anymore, but I'll be there." Agni smiled slightly, the same pleasant but tense one that he used when mediating your and Soma's arguments growing up, "You'll probably have to ask him about that. Now on to today's breakfast and morning tea..."

With something to look forward to, that wasn't trying and failing to improve Ciel's skills with a violin, the day seemed to pass in a blur. Soon enough it was time for the party, which was really less of a party and more of gathering of nobles and some music. In total it was you, Soma, Lizzy, and Ciel. With Ciel and Lizzy dancing and you and Soma standing awkwardly a part from each other. He would try to start a conversation, only to stop and sigh, then take a drink from his glass of something that smelled much stronger than the rose wine from dinner. He'd shoot a desperate glance at Agni, who would only shake his head. You were so fucking confused. After he got two drinks into his system Soma finally asked you to dance. It was less a dance and more you guiding him around the room to the music while he tried to keep his feet under him. He seemed content and almost pliant, so the last thing you expected was conversation. "Are you happy?" His voice came out right above your ear, because even drunkenly slouched he was still taller than you. "Is this okay?" "You know I always enjoy dancing with you So." You were aiming for reassuring, but it fell flat even to you, "This is perfect." He hums, and you know more is coming, "But are you happy, with the way things are now?" "Soma, I'm not sure what you're asking me?" You're gentle as you come to a stop so he won't fall, "Are you asking me if I'm happy that you avoided me like a plague rat for a week? Because honestly between that and what you said I'm hurt and confused."

Under any other circumstances you would have found the owlish way he blinked at you comical, but right now you could have slapped the confused look right off his face. Violence could wait for now though, you wanted answers. "I...." He sighed out his frustration and tightened his grip on you just slightly, "I was trying to figure out a way to confront this.... the feeling I get when I am around you." You quirked an eyebrow tilting your head in a way that encouraged to him to continue, "So I tried asking Ciel, but well, you know how he is. Then I went to Sebastian, and well.... that didn't go as planned. So then I went to Agni and he said to talk to you, and I tried that and i... couldn't say what I wanted to. SO i thought I would throw a party, try and recreate the night we first met but no one really wanted to come on such sort notice." "So how do you feel then?" You succeed only barely in keeping the laugh out of your voice. "I haven't drank enough to answer that yet." He answered, "Can I show you instead?" "Sure. If that's easier for you." You figured there wasn't much he would risk doing negatively in such a public setting. You weren't expecting to be on the receiving end of a strongly whiskey flavored kiss. His nose bumped yours in his eagerness, but you didn't mind, pressing just a little closer. When Soma pulls away you smile softly. "I can live with that." You hum and he grins.

[ethereal-maniac]

Hiii I was curious if you could write headcanons of the papa's ot ghouls with a partner with post-coital dysphoria? If youre comfortable with it. I've been diagnosed with it recently and I've found maybe 2 fics with it

Thanks for your time!!

<3

A/n: Hi lovely! I wasn’t sure which era you wanted so I did 4. I also don’t know much about post coital dysphoria so I did some research for this and hopefully I was able to understand it correctly. I hope you're doing okay and that this helps. 🩷

(Please do let me know if this was inaccurate and I can re-write it if you'd like. 🩷)

GenderNeutral!Reader x Sodo, Swiss, Phantom, Aether, Rain, Mountain, Cumulus, Cirrus and Copia (seperate).

❗️TW❗️: some implied abuse but no specifics, talk of it being possibly hormonal, just that it had long lasting negative effects on reader, implied smut, overall comfort. If you think this will cause you any discomfort, please don’t read! 🫶

SODO

It took him a good couple of days to grasp the concept.

Sex always feels so good to him, how could it do the opposite for you?

He gets mad at whatever reason you got diagnosed for this, whether it was hormones or past trauma.

He then takes the time to lay you down on the bed and softly kiss every part of your body.

Kisses always help and he's praying that they'll help ease some of your pain.

He takes things slowly with you, he's never been more committed to anyone in his whole life, you mean so much to him he refuses to do anything until you're positive it's what you want.

Their's a couple of long talks before having sex, discussing boundaries, what could occur, how he could support you during intercourse and afterwards.

He hates when you want space after sex, he's in an especially bad mood when you are (he will of course leave you alone if that's what you want though).

He will do everything in his power to help you feel as good as he does after sex.

He's in it for the long run honey, nothing could ever make him stop loving you.

--------

SWISS

This was big for him to try and digest.

He's so proud after each time you have any sort of sexual contact with him.

A lot of the time if you're feeling a bit sad/ashamed/anxious after sex and want him to be around, he has a shower with you and carefully washes your body, giving your muscles a massage and murmurs praise before hopping out of the shower, drying you off and dressing you in his comfy clothes.

Then if you’re still not feeling better, he puts on some relaxing music and picks you up, walking around the room as he waits for you to fall asleep.

And if you just want space to cool off? He'll set up a nice bath full of relaxation salts, then while you marinate in there, he queues up your favourite movie and sets up some fun little distracting activities for you (e.g colouring, gaming, whatever you enjoy).

Just let him flop on top of you a couple of hours later please, he must know if you're feeling happier.

--------

PHANTOM

It took a good couple of hours of talking for him to fully comprehend what post coital dysphoria means and how it affects you.

He isn't mad when you get irritable or upset after sex, he just feeds some of his Quintessence through to you and helps you work through it.

Since bug is still quite new to 'top-side things', including caring sex, he'll need some reassurance every now and then that he didn't do anything wrong once you're feeling better.

He feels surprisingly protective of you when you're feeling especially bad after intercourse and, if you'll let him, he'd like to perch on some furniture nearby and watch you.

He just needs to make sure you're alright.

Everything in his being is just itching to hold you, he can sense you're upset and all his instincts are screaming at him to cuddle you in a nest until you're happy again.

But he knows sometimes you just don't want that.

Sometimes he'll leave the room without a word and come back a couple of minutes later with two or three of Copias rats in his hands.

He then places them gently on your lap, watching you for any signs of a smile as he moves back to his perch.

--------

AETHER

You had discussed this with him prior to sex and he was very understanding.

He doesn't push you to do anything after being intimate, just do what feels right and comfortable.

But if you let him, he would like to feed some of his Quintessence through to you to help take the edge off of what ever emotion you're experiencing.

He also helps you set up some appointments with the abbeys therapist if you're interested.

But it's okay if you're not interested! Whether it's because you're not ready to delve into it yet or because you'd just prefer to talk about it with Aether.

He's used to dealing with Sodo being in bad moods every once in a while so you're a piece of cake and he knows how to not aggravate you further.

It's okay if you want him to leave you alone for a while, but it will take everything in him to not just sit outside your door and blow up your phone with text messages saying how much he loves you.

--------

RAIN

Seeing you anxious after being intimate with him, makes him feel anxious.

He tries to bring you into his arms when he notices you getting a little teary but you push him away with a slight scowl.

Then he remembers the conversation you had with him a couple of weeks ago.

It makes him want to cry when he realises how much this effects you.

Then he pulls himself together. You need something right now, and he's going to deliver.

He puts on some clothes before handing you your own, making sure to not touch you as it seems like that's not what you want right now, then gently asks "what can I do to help you?"

He's so patient while you take your time to think of what you want and if you're not sure? That's okay! He'll try some things out until one feels right.

He gets you your favourite snack, then he turns on your favourite comfort show/movie and sits down on a nearby chair watching you like a hawk for any further signs of discomfort.

He doesn't want to leave you alone like this but doesn't want to accidentally make you even more anxious by being too close.

--------

MOUNTAIN

He's pretty intuitive and tends to know what you need after each sexual experience.

Whether it's him taking you on a walk outside for a while, going through some deep breathing exercises.

Or picking up rotten apples and throwing them as hard as you can into a bin/against a wall.

Or just standing by the abbeys lake in his arms when no one's around, your legs around his waist and arms around his neck while he holds your thighs/back and gently rocks you both side to side.

Or if you just want space, he'll make sure to be around in his usual spots until you come find him.

He's determined to make sex a positive experience for you.

You're so deserving of that.

He's also big on communication after each time you have sex and will gently ask you if their's anything you wanted to bring up, or if you don't want to tell him yet, he encourages you to write it down in the journal he bought you with Copias money.

--------

CUMULUS

She's felt a bit of post coital dysphoria every once in a while but not to the extent that she got a diagnosis, so she can only imagine how rough that must feel.

She's amazing at adapting to the different aftercare you need each time.

She tends to keep a special basket in her bedside drawer that consists of; your favourite snacks, your favourite book, a calming spray she made with all your favourite scents and a comfy blanket.

How ever much time you need to recover, she'll supply it.

Sometimes she reads to you while you lie on the bed next to her or on her chest.

She has a very musical, soothing voice, she could be one of those people that read audio books on apps.

Or she’ll hum songs while running her hands through your hair.

--------

CIRRUS

She's shocked and has to pause the conversation for a second before continuing.

She's quick to reassure you that she's completely okay with sex being off the table for however long you need, months, years, decades, she'll wait.

She's determined to figure out how to help you, any way to make you feel more comfortable in the relationship.

This leads to many days and sometimes nights spent in the library, deep in thought as she reads.

Sometimes she'll come back from the library and just hug you with wide eyes before returning to the library once more.

She becomes especially protective of you after sexual intercourse, even if it's been like six hours and you're feeling better.

She just sort of follows you around the ministry as you do your chores, growling at all the siblings for no particualr reason.

No one's aloud to make her darling feel bad for things that aren't your fault (not that anyone dares).

--------

COPIA

He feels very honoured that you trust him enough to open up about this.

After each time you have sex he's quick to analyse how you're feeling from your facial expressions.

Does he need to get out his rats? Do you need a long nap to shake the blues? Do you want to go terrorise people with Sodo and Swiss? He'll get you food and water first, that's good. Right? That could help?

He's not afraid to talk about the real things and if you want to talk about what that sex session brought up for you, he's eager to hear about it and try to help.

He doesn't care what baggage you come with, as long as he can be yours and you can be his, he's the happiest goof on earth.

And don't stress if you go through phases of not wanting to be sexually intimate, he's happy to just hold your hand once in a while.

All he asks is that their's communication between the two of you, he'd hate to cause you any upset.

Do not copy, translate or transfer (plagiarise) my fics.

[im-getting-help]

AND THE THING ABOUT OLIVER AND BOUNDARIES!

Is so obvious to me that his parents were party at fault for his lack of boundaries. Not because they we're malicious and intentional about it, but because they loved him so much they tend to cross his limits.

(Kinda like what Oliver did with Felix, but less obsessive).

From my experience it's something relatively normal about the relationship between parents and their children. The first time we really understand boundaries is when we enforce them to separate ourselves from our parents expectations. It seems to me that Oliver never learned how to do that. He's constantly molding himself to appease and appeal, and when it becomes to much, he flees.

Let's go back to the little things Paula and Jeff share with us in that brief birthday scene.

"He always wanted to be an only child, always beetling off by himself"

"He was so clever, that's why he found it hard to make friends, they were jealous".

"It's been hard not seeing him. But it must be a lot of pressure being the top scholar and being in the rowing team, and the union, and the plays..."

Let's start with the lies.

How long ago Oliver started lying to his parents to make space for himself?

Cause the lies don't necessarily feel like something he used to impress them. It seems to me like the Quicks already thought Oliver was exceptionally smart "he was always so clever" and he's just keeping appearances.

But the amount of things he said he did. The plays, the rowing team, the union, the work of studying to maintain the "top scholar position" like reading, doing work and essays and projects, assisting to classes, lectures and tutorials, it's a lot!.

"It's been hard not seeing him". How many times Paula called just to be ignored or quickly dismissed? with an excuse like "sorry i have an essay due tomorrow" or "im going to practice for the play". And why Oliver wanted to separate himself so much from his family?

"He always wanted to be an only child, always beetling off by himself" why would Oliver wanted to separate himself not only from his parents but his siblings too?

The Quicks said that "We go to to Mykonos every year. Well, not anymore. Not now that the kids are all grown up". That makes me think that Oliver sisters are older than him. Oliver doesn't seem to have a close relationship with them either. Was it because of the age gap? How much older were her sisters? Maybe they had to babysit and that created a second-mother kind of dynamic?

It sounds like he was being smothered by them. And again, i'm not saying it was intentional, but maybe Oliver needed much more space that what the Quicks were able or willing to give. And he didn't know how to ask.

And maybe (only maybe cause i don't really have good foundation for this) Oliver learned that the best way to get space from them was saying he was occupied, specifically studying. So maybe it started at school, him saying that he had to finish homework or read a book or do project, and maybe these were the only times he'll be left alone. Maybe that was the perfect excuse to explain why he didn't have many friends too.

(and i wonder why a kid with no sense of boundaries would have a hard time making friends 👀)

And why Oliver keeps lying?

After moving to Oxford, he could've just draw back and create that space without making an excuse. But he didn't, because he cares, he likes that his family thinks he's intelligent and capable. But he doesn't care for spending time with them.

I don't think he said all those lies to look especially intresting or important, but he did choose to "be occupied" by being a good student. Not in a "i won an award for best performance" but a "I'm too busy to talk, i have tutorial"

And look at the way the Quicks react to Oliver saying he has to go, is very interesting.

Paula just gives up instantly. She offers a compromise, and when rejected she's obviously frustrated but she just lets it go. On the other hand Jeff tries to reason with his son a little "your mother spent all morning doing lunch" but they seem very accustomed to this situation. It's not the first time Oliver escapes a conversation.

So, to me, is obvious that Oliver's parents knowingly or unknowingly contributed to Oliver's lack of healthy boundaries.

He never really draw the line with them, he just made excuses to avoid and elude and ultimately flee when the situation got out of hand. And they never picked up on it, they kept repeating the same scenarios multiple times without having a conversation about it.

I feel like his parents never really confronted him about anything. Maybe because they didn't sense anything was wrong, maybe because, same as the Cattons, they didn't know how to approach the situation or maybe because they know Oliver gets really fcking upset whenever they tried to have a conversation about it, who knows.

So at the end we have a 20yo dude who never learned how to enforce a boundary or why is healthy to have them and has absolutely no idea how to perceive and not cross others limits.

[stxrvel]

the outbreak: extra (1.5)

summary: you had a word with bucky on your way to your last mission.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +2.5k

warnings: some bad words and slight angst.

note: hey! this wasn't planned but i wanted to add something else to the story that was surely missing. i hadn't thought about the self destructive behaviors we normalize in our daily lives and sometimes that is reflected in what we write. this conversation was something i had envisioned but hadn't seen possible, but i decided to finish it and post it after a whole day of reflection. this talk was perhaps VERY specific, but i've had conversations like this with my friends, so i hope you understand what i am trying to visualize. you can read it before or after part 2! the feedback is always appreciated! thank u for reading.

part 1

Clint was extremely quiet and curiously attentive. As you prepared everything to enter the Quinjet, you shared a silent moment that was uncharacteristic of him. Generally, he would begin a pleasant and seemingly normal chat, until he would start jabbing at you with his off-hand comments and jokes about anything that came to mind.

The Clint Barton who was with you in the armory room was not your typical Clint. You began to wonder what would have happened to keep him so quiet when you saw out of the corner of your eye that Bucky entered the room.

He hadn't been able to convince Fury to send Steve in his place on the mission, and during that week you had seen him only once, about twenty yards away. You wanted to pretend (as usual) that things hadn't broken down between the two of you. That that argument had never happened and that Bucky had never found out about the real thoughts going around in your head. That everything was just running its normal course and you still considered yourselves co-workers, at least.

But it was just you playing pretend.

Bucky walked past you, grabbed the weapons he needed, the razors and knives he handled so well, a couple of grenades that he carefully stowed in the loop of his suitcase and headed for the exit without a single glance at anyone.

Clint had his back to you, but you could feel his body tense, so still you could barely tell he was breathing, as if moving between you would set off a bomb or something.

“The Quinjet is ready,” Bucky exclaimed as he stopped in front of the door. “Don't be long.”

And he got out without further ado.

The mood didn't change later, when Bucky was piloting the Quinjet having a chance to leave it on automatic and Clint was sitting with you in the back of the ship, as far away from you as possible. You watched his figure in front of you and how he sent you wary glances from time to time. The situation was becoming tedious.

You knew you were pretending not to know what was going on. You were pretending that no one felt the tension that formed when you and Bucky were in the same room, mostly being emitted from your body because the man was like a big ice cube. It was the indifference you had seen so much of him direct at other people, especially those he didn't trust, and you never thought it would be directed at you. It hurt more than you could imagine.

So for that reason you preferred to just keep the image in your head of everything that had happened before that fateful day. Maybe your mind thought it would be easier to deal with the rejection that way, because you did know it would happen, and it had taken time for the moment to arrive, but when it finally had it swept in and took everything with it, leaving you just taking it all in in the deep silence.

When the Quinjet came to a stop at its destination, Bucky walked back between you and Clint to head for the rear ramp of the ship. He quietly grabbed his things and stepped out.

Clint had moved to unbuckle his seat belt when you felt the need to ask the question. You moved to mimic the man in front of you.

“Why are you acting like that?”

“Like what?” Clint turned to look at you in confusion, his brow furrowed, when he had fully risen.

You watched his figure begin to move toward the front of the Quinjet and felt everything inside you strangely stir.

“As if you were afraid someone would suddenly start burning up next to you.”

“Not true.”

You turned to look at the man with an ingrown eyebrow, and Clint only gave you a look of complete naivety as he sat down in front of the ship's controls. You walked over to where you had left your backpack and began putting away the few things you were going to need.

“You're too tense.”

Clint clicked his tongue. His body slumped over the big chair and he shifted his feet on the floor until he was facing you.

“It's just… being around you two is too uncomfortable. In and of itself just seeing Bucky these past few days is scary.”

You frowned as you moved your hands inside your backpack. You picked up one of the pocketknives Natasha had given you, with rose embroidery on the black handle. You saw out of the corner of your eye the pistol you had been given as equipment to use in case of emergencies, and you hesitated whether or not to take it.

“Why is it uncomfortable?”

You heard the man let out a laugh before answering. “Are you kidding me? The atmosphere is so tense that I could jump in the air and get caught in an invisible mesh.”

“Of course not. There's no discomfort at all. We're fine,” you repeated your mantra with an assurance that surprised you.

You took the gun in your hands after observing it for several minutes and felt its weight between your fingers, as if telling a story you didn't want to know. Will you carry it with you or…?

“You seem to have repeated that to yourself too many times to believe it. Cute.”

“It is what it is.”

Clint sighed and watched you carefully. Your gaze on the gun did not allow you to see him examine your figure for a while, and you barely noticed the silence that formed between the two of you. Clint, then, remembered something.

“Do you really think no one heard the argument you two had last week?”

You raised your head. You went blank. You let the gun drop into the backpack again and furrowed your brow, followed by closing it and putting it back where you had initially left it. You watched Clint warily, his serious face giving you to understand that he wasn't playing with you.

“The walls aren't that thick.”

You couldn't help but simply not answer him for several seconds because what were you going to say to him? You couldn't go back to saying that everything was fine between you and Bucky because clearly everyone now knew you had something and that an angry Bucky doesn't listen to any excuses and is unkind in that state.

That explained a lot about the sneaky looks you sometimes felt when you walked around the Complex and the therapist's card Steve had accidentally left at the foot of your bedroom door.

You saw Clint again with the face of someone caught red-handed, and at the same time you felt vulnerable because under no circumstances would that possibility have crossed your mind.

Would Bucky even know?

“Can you pretend with me?”

The man sighed, but seeing your agonized expression he agreed.

And then you had to go out to meet Bucky.

You had landed about a kilometer from the distance of the target, which was a small house in an abandoned industrial town. With the information gathered, you had been able to learn the nearest location of the target within some of the houses that were within a fifty meter radius from the center of the town. Clint, already in charge of the Quinjet, would leave to supervise from the height that everything was in order, and give air support if necessary.

Bucky was a few meters away from the Quinjet, his things arranged in their respective places and with his binoculars he observed the town from his position.

“It looks desolate,” you couldn't help but comment to break the choking silence.

The man hummed in response a nod and lowered the binoculars to pass them to you without turning to look at you.

“Look east from the center. It's the only house that has light.”

You took the object he offered you careful not to brush against his skin, and promptly used them to peer into the distance. In the center of the village there was a fountain that served as a traffic circle to connect the main roads. Looking to the east, even though it was daylight, you could notice electricity highlighting one of the houses.

“It could be the target.”

“Or a trap.”

You lowered the binoculars.

“Do you have to be so gloomy?”

Bucky gave you the first look of the day. His eyes were not rough and his expression was not coarse like the few times you had seen him before, he seemed a little calmer than before, but you tried not to raise your hopes thinking that clearly the man had to maintain professionalism during the mission. And you had to do the same. Starting by stopping over-analyzing him.

He looked like he wanted to answer you, or say something else, but he just turned around and started walking towards the path that led to the village.

You definitely wanted to say something, even though you also wanted to remain professional, because you didn't want to spend the next fifteen or twenty minutes in stony silence and with your thoughts being the only thing that answered the questions in your head.

Instinctively, you kept thinking that you still had that kind of relationship with Bucky. Like you'd ask him a question about anything and he'd answer trivially and then you'd tell him something super curious about the sky and the trees and he'd listen like he was being told the truths of the universe.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Why did everything have to have been complicated like this?

You walked through the dry grass and stones, enduring the silence for several minutes. Every time you looked up to see the town, you felt it receding instead of coming closer. Bucky's body in front of you moved easily through the grass, almost as if he were levitating through nature.

Again, you felt that itch in your mouth with the urge to say something to fill the silence, but your mind suppressed your body's instincts. You hated it when routines disappeared, especially when they involved people who were important to you. You didn't like the sense of loss that came with the truth and that you had thought that by that point you would be more than used to it, but it seemed you had only fooled yourself.

You did it before and you were doing it then. Some things just wouldn't change.

You were seriously thinking about starting to talk to the trees when you heard his voice:

“I'm sorry.”

What?

“What?”

Bucky sighed, and after a few seconds you thought he wouldn't speak again and that he had only, unlike you, let his impulses win the battle, until you heard him again:

“I regret how I acted the last time we spoke.”

His words left you perplexed. You had expected anything less than to start a conversation about it, especially to apologize.

You frowned, not knowing exactly what to say. You weren't used to people showing that kind of remorse after walking away from your life. You suddenly felt uncomfortable, and feared the direction the conversation would take.

“Well, you had your reasons for being angry…”

“Yes, I had reasons to be angry, but all I did when you gave me the truth was walk away. That wasn't the right thing to do.”

“Well, what else were you going to do? If you stayed and hugged me you weren't going to solve anything. It's okay, Bucky, it's not like I was expecting you to do anything different.”

The man stopped his steps, and you would have collided with his back had you not been a safe distance away, your legs trying to match his stride, but failing miserably.

You saw his body turn in your direction with a puzzled expression. You tried to hide in the back of your mind the voice that constantly reminded you not to talk about those subjects. You didn't want to evoke those sensations that kept you religiously away from your feelings, the defensive actions of your own head trying to keep the boat of your sanity afloat. You didn't want Bucky to keep harping on the subject, but you knew he would.

“Are you saying that-?”

Bucky shut his mouth. Before he finished speaking, he pursed his lips into a line and took a deep breath. You could glimpse that he was dealing with his own thoughts at that moment.

“It's not normal, Y/N, nor good for a person to leave you like I did after telling you something with so much meaning to you. And also, that it took me this long to bring it up...”

You hummed in response. He was telling you the same thing that many other people had told you throughout your life, but you didn't know why his were causing your body to react differently. It was like having your chest spread out like the wings of a butterfly. It was such a strange sensation, so foreign to you that you were unconsciously afraid of it. You didn't want to feel it. You wanted it to go away.

“Why did you do it then?”

“Because I was an unconscious idiot. That's why.”

The man resumed his march as he finished speaking, and you had to wiggle quickly to keep up with him. You felt your head moving a thousand miles, as if it could travel a hundred times back and forth the village road without stopping for air once. You couldn't find a way out of the conversation, so you tried to beat around the bush.

“But aren't you a little hard on yourself? You're going to therapy, aren't you? You have things to deal with, too.”

“Maybe you're used to people leaving you, but that doesn't mean it's okay.”

You furrowed your brow, almost stopping your steps and watching his back. It wasn't okay for people to leave you? You'd lost count of all the times you'd asked yourself that question since you'd had the conscience to do it. You didn't want to think that the world was cruel to you, that people were mean to you, but that the world and people didn't have to deal with the shit you carried around.

The words died in your mouth when Bucky stopped again and that time you almost crashed into him.

“I didn't mean it that way. The truth is, people suck, and there will be plenty of fuckers who decide to leave rather than stay and help you grow. Maybe you met a lot of them and started to see them as normal, but that's not the case. That's not usual, much less with someone you consider your friend.”

“Friend?”

Bucky nodded in response.

“As in appreciation and respect?”

“Yes, you couldn't have defined it better.”

You saw him look away, suddenly sinking into his thoughts before resuming his march on his way into town. You followed him, that time more closely thankful that he was no longer jogging like he was in a marathon. There was a contradiction of emotions in your chest and in your head. There was a part of you that liked what Bucky said, that actually rejoiced in his response and appreciated his sincere apology; but there was another part of you that continued to disown his tokens of appreciation, that didn't want him to see you from above as if you were a little ant he could step on with his shoes.

That part of you that wanted to believe his words clashed with the part of you that didn't want to be vulnerable again.

“I was supposed to be that for you. Then I pushed you too hard, didn't know how to talk things out and also didn't know how to deal with the response I got. I was too angry, but that shouldn't have been a justification.”

“You wouldn't have gotten the information out of me any other way, you know that?”

“I don't think so.”

“You would never have gotten it. If you had stopped, I would have put up walls to keep you from ever coming near me again.”

You meant what you said, and Bucky knew you did. Suddenly, you felt as if in that moment you could deploy the walls to stop him from talking.

“I'm not justifying anything I did, Y/N, I also don't want to say that's how it was supposed to happen because I'm sure I would have found another way. If I hadn't let my emotions win…”

“Can we just let it be? I already know you're sorry and I told you everything was okay.”

“But nothing is okay.”

“Yes it is.”

“No, you're trying to avoid the subject.”

You snorted loudly. You hate it. You didn't want to be rude to him, but you were reaching a limit you could barely tolerate when dealing with such topics.

“Can you blame me? I feel like I've already exhausted all the feelings talk I could possibly have in a year.”

“It's not wrong to talk about these things…”

“And, still, I'd rather not.”

Suddenly, it was like having a rush of adrenaline running through your body. You started to move your legs quickly, and surprisingly you were able to overtake Bucky and start walking ahead of him. Although you looked as if you were not too affected by Bucky being this insistent with your feelings, you actually had your heart beating at an impressive speed. Your chest contracted with every breath and you felt a rock settling in the pit of your stomach. Suddenly it seemed that the temperature had dropped drastically and your hands were breaking out in a cold sweat. A shiver ran through your body and you felt fear at the possibility of Bucky bringing up that subject again.

“You should consider seeing Dr. Green.”

You stopped your steps. You watched Bucky walk toward you and not stop as you asked him, "How do you know about that? Did Steve tell you about the stupid card?"

The man gave you a sidelong glance.

“I gave it to him.” 

[aly-writes]

Hi Aly! I love your writing so much! Can I request Arisu, Karube, and Chishiya headcannons with a smart significant other? Only if you feel writing it of course :) Thank you if you do - I look forward to seeing what you write next!!

y'all i finished revenge of others and i am OBSESSED with seok jaebum... anyways! i added kyuma and banda as characters i'll write for, so in the future feel free to request for them<3

there are a lot of different types of smarts in life (book smarts, street smarts, emotional intelligence, etc.) so i just had s/o written out as a combination of all of them. here you go nonnie!

warnings: none :)

arisu, chishiya, and karube with a smart s/o

arisu ryohei

arisu is so boyfriend material haha, he's always sooo impressed with you.

he knew you had a decent amount of intelligence based off of the test scores you showed him from university, but the first time you were fully able to show it off was during a game

it was a diamonds game, which wasn't exactly his strong suit (literally)

arisu is actually pretty smart himself, but he couldn't keep up with you during the game. your mind was working so fast and figuring things out at lightning speed

the group managed to finish the game with barely any casualties thanks to your quick mind and brilliant strategies. naturally, arisu had to bring it up in conversation

this boy showers you in compliments! he's so so sweet

he's your biggest fan, always bragging about you and rambling on about how amazing it was that you were able to do something so quick

you're the first person he'll come to if he needs anything at all.

he truly does trust your intuition more than his own. if you have a bad feeling about something, he makes sure to look at it through your viewpoint to try and understand what he's missing

more often than not, your warnings come in handy and he dodges a bullet. when he doesn't listen, he tends to notice things usually go bad

arisu also has smarts, so when the two of you start talking about whatever, those specific talks can go on for hours and hours

you both bring up new perspectives and different opinions and it's just so great

he's really really thoughtful and it makes the two of you super compatible :)

before he dropped out of university, you two were definitely study partners.

sometimes he would get a little too reliant on your knowledge and found himself basically dumping his entire homework load onto you

you never really noticed though, and you managed to help him solve the problems with such ease that it didn't really feel like homework at all

this benefitted both of you greatly though, because each time he solved a problem with your help he got a kiss as a reward

oh, plus cuddle breaks in between

and if he managed to solve three problems in a row without much of your help? you basically pampered him with kisses all over his face

his family absolutely loves you

kind of sad, but his dad and brother really like you because they believe you have the potential they think arisu lacks

you never treat them disrespectfully, but you definitely talk shit about them behind closed doors with arisu

cause how dare they talk about your precious bf like that?

you're kind of a mediator for him, karube, and chota though

hate to say it, but putting these three together inevitably causes stupid ideas to come up

you try to be the voice of reason. sometimes they listen to you, sometimes they don't

karube will playfully call you a 'buzzkill' because you shoot down their dangerous adventures, but it's all with good intent

when you're not around them, karube and chota will definitely hype you up to arisu though

"how did you even manage to pull someone so smart arisu?"

"his dad must be paying her, huh chota?"

on the other side though, sometimes the two of you clash.

arisu undeniably thinks with his heart most of the time. especially outside of games

you tend to stick with your brains and rely on them to get you through tough situations. this can lead to some tough arguments

you think of things logically and he comes at it emotionally, so sometimes it's hard to see eye-to-eye

you both love each other a lot though, so you always figure something out at the end of the day

you trust in your head so you tend to be stubborn and need time to yourself, but he will always rely on his feelings for you to get through these types of things

overall...

expect a lot of praise and reliance from him

he finds you super trustworthy and levelheaded, so your his go-to for anything at anytime

chishiya shuntaro

oh boy, i don't even know where to start with him? let's just say... things can get intense

chishiya is highly intelligent. you are also highly intelligent. this is where you both struggle

you can pick his brain a little too good for his liking and sometimes it bothers him. he can't really get anything past you, and the same goes the other way around

he can tend to get manipulative when things go south, and you match his energy

things that work on anybody else don't work on you, and it kind of freaks him out lol

he likes to be in control of everything around him, which includes the feelings of other people. you don't give him the chance to do this

this leads to a lot of passive aggressiveness and tension

but the tension is honestly the best part of your relationship

there is so much teasing and banter between the two of you

you both play the high-stakes game of 'who can get a smart remark past the other one first' and it makes things really fun

affection can get really exciting between the two of you because of this. after a day full of teasing it's quite interesting to see who breaks first in terms of relationship things

honestly? most of the time it's you, but when you decide to get stubborn and hold out, chishiya gets a little touchy and you find it cute

when you both have a common goal you make a great team

it's very true that two heads are greater than one

when one person makes the plan, the other will go over it and quickly catch any mistakes or holes that are missing

anything that you both work on together is almost unsettlingly perfect

while your smarts can sometimes lead to incompatibility, there are certain things that the two of you understand about each other that no one else does

you both can have really great conversations with each other. you don't have to hold back any of your thoughts because you know chishiya will always understand them, and it's great

you and him look at things objectively all the time, so emotions don't tend to get in the way of things you place higher priority over

both of you need your alone time, so codependency is never an issue

finally, you understand chishiya like nobody else does. you know how his brain works and you know how he views things. the best part about it? you send him no judgement

chishiya doesn't think of you as a chore because he's aware that you're probably the smartest person in a room full of people. he doesn't have to take care of you which is bliss for him

you guys have a lot of inside jokes as well, things so deeply exclusive to only you two that nobody dares to understand

you're a very intimidating couple

it's kind of difficult to make couple friends due to this intimidation factor, so double dates are off the table

chishiya was never much of a people person anyway, so it doesn't bother him

you're perfectly content mentally stimulating each other. things never get boring around him

overall...

you're able to perform the crazy feat of being seen as an equal by the one and only chishiya!

he's clever, but so are you. as much as it can be an annoyance, he actually finds you very entertaining

there's definitely a lot of trust between you two simply because you're one in the same. you know the saying 'don't do anything i wouldn't do'? basically your relationship in a nutshell

karube daikichi

karube is such a showoff LMAO

as a bartender, he comes across a lot of aggressive drunk dudes that aren't afraid to diss him and the things he holds dear to him. his family, his friends, and you as well

as childish as it is, his favorite thing to hit them with is "i bet my s/o is smarter than yours"

he just absolutely loves to use you as bragging rights and it's great

he's constantly learning from you and is extremely interested in anything you say

karube didn't graduate high school. he will absolutely eat up any fact you tell him and loves to learn things from you

he thinks the way that you talk is so captivating and will continuously ask you to repeat yourself just so he can hear you speak

he shares the facts you told him with arisu and chota and feels so smart

when they ask him where he learned that, he will proudly tell them that he got it from you

he doesn't feel inferior to you at all lol, he absolutely worships you

at first you were a bit hesitant to accept how much praise he would give you, but you eased up to it

similar to arisu, compliments compliments compliments

they're all over the place

he will brag about you to anything that breathes, especially when you're around

he actually finds that talking about you to other people is more fun than talking about himself. you're truly his gem and he finds you so special

he really likes to see you in your element and could watch you for hours

whether it's math, science, art, or whatever you're good at

when you start to really get into something, you focus on it entirely and he finds it super interesting to watch

he likes to watch the little habits you do. the only one he's pointed out to you is how you tap your thumb on the pads of your other fingers back and forth

he likes to hear you get logical

he sometimes tells you about the people that come into the bar and spill their life stories

when he does this, he will purposefully ask you to break down your thoughts so he can get an understanding of what your brain is thinking

"well obviously the reason his wife is asking him to clean up the dishes is because she's trying hard to get a promotion at work and comes home tired everyday! how can he not see that? she's not working hard for nothing..."

"really, babe? i didn't think of it that way"

he especially enjoys it when you start to criticize people and get a little snarky with them. he witnessed it once when someone was giving you attitude and he thought it was the hottest thing he had ever seen

you basically broke down their emotions for them and matched their tone, but did it in such a cool way lol his heart was pounding

overall...

karube thinks your smarts are such an amazing feature

he can't match them but he's totally okay with it, because now he has a smart s/o that is totally better than anybody else's

[omegalomania]

everything is lit, except my serotonin

"what a time to be alive" is probably one of my favorite songs on the new record. that's not really a hard sell, though; i struggle to pick favorites at the best of times and by this time tomorrow, my favorite track will likely be a different one. but there's something about this track that i keep circling back to, for a multitude of reasons.

this one has proven a little contentious. critics don't quite get it, and even people who love the song will say that it's a little off-putting lyrically, primarily because of those lines in the chorus: "everything is lit, except my serotonin / everything is lit but my lightning-bolt brain". i'm not going to say outright that critics scoffing at the obvious earth, wind, and fire influence is one of those delightful instances of antiblack racism that's so common in music criticism, but i'd be lying if i said i didn't suspect that was a factor. but more to the point, that line in the chorus hit me a little harder than i expected it to.

patrick has stressed repeatedly that the majority of "what a time to be alive" was written before the pandemic. the lyrics to the bridge are the only parts that reference the pandemic specifically, but the rest of the song feels oddly prescient as it discusses how it feels like the end of the world...probably because in 2019, for some of us, especially those on the west coast, it did feel like the end of the world. pete wentz lives in los angeles, and thus probably got a very clear picture of this as it happened in real time. wildfires have always been an issue on the west coast, but by 2017, they started picking up in speed and scope, in large part due to the effects of climate change. the year after that, they got worse. the third year in a row this happened, it cemented that this was going to be a pattern, which is exactly what happened. today, the last third or so of the year is generally regarded as "fire season," when risk of wildfires becomes extremely high, power outages are common, and evacuations are anticipated.

i live in a fire zone. every year since 2017, i've had to evacuate my home regularly, or i know someone else who has. at this point, it's pretty well-established as routine. the first time this happened, it felt like the end of the world - watching neighbors' houses go up in smoke, housing displaced family members or friends who'd been evacuated themselves or actually lost their homes. by the time the pandemic happened, fire season hadn't actually died, either; we were carrying out evacuations while masked, and often without power (and thus no easy way to get news as to what was happening).

here's a thing about living in a fire zone. there are nights when you're going off no sleep and you're watching the ember-glow on the horizon at the early hours of the morning and thinking that it could almost be considered pretty, in a dark and dismal kind of way. there are days when the smoke haze is so heavy that you never get to see the sun but it makes the air hot and thick and it burns in your lungs. the smell of smoke becomes choking and omnipresent.

everything is lit, except my serotonin. everything is lit but my lightning-bolt brain.

i don't know if these lines were written about the wildfires in particular. it wouldn't surprise me if they were. there are a lot of moments in the song, the parts written pre-pandemic, that make me think that could've been the case: neon in the night-time and not caring if it's pretty because the view's so pretty from the deck of a sinking ship. livestreaming the apocalypse, because twitter feeds were literally the best way to get your news on whether your house might be next - if you had power and internet, that is. and not everyone did.

everything is lit but my lightning-bolt brain. it's kind of a silly line, and i understand being put off by it. it took me some time to warm to it too (pun absolutely intended). it's also a quadruple-entendre. everything is "lit" in the colloquial sense of being cool and exciting, sure, but it's also more or less how the human brain works. our brains are really just electricity, passing little bursts between all the neurons and synapses. on top of that, the sensation of feeling like electric shocks are passing through your skull, or "brain zaps," are a common symptom of withdrawal from antidepressants (which, among other things, are used to regulate someone's serotonin levels). and then there's the case of the world being on fire, literally. everything is lit except my serotonin. my lightning-bolt brain.

a memory:

i never actually stopped working through the pandemic, as i was considered an essential worker. the fires didn't let up either. a particularly horrible fire tore through a nearby area and that's the thing about fires: they turn the whole fucking sky vivid orange. i drove to work on a chilly autumn morning, the whole sky lit up in an orange glare. i stood for a minute in the freezing parking lot while flakes of ash overhead settled like snow onto my car, my hair, my clothes. somewhere, people's homes and livelihoods were burning, and in a matter of days or hours the wind could change and my home and friends could be next. so i walked through the falling ash and the sickly orange glow of the sky and did my temperature check at the door with my mask pulled up over the lower half of my face, and i got to work.

i remember that moment vividly because it was strange and surreal and eerie and it was probably the moment that felt most like the end of the world to me, or at least it did then. driving through town with the sky on fire and a disease tearing through the world and having to walk into work anyway. that's what this track reminds me of: the sheer, staggering surreality of watching everything fall apart, and then...you go to work, because what else are you supposed to do? you go to work. the world is ending. you go to work.

what a time to be alive.

[tea-stained]

we NEED to talk about Cioccolata and Secco.

they are so fucked up. and so beautiful. their chemistry does things to me. the way they interact, think about each other, the way they perceive each other, it's so interesting. i love how disgusting they are. i love the way they are portrayed. i love everything about them.

Cioccolata is this absolutely sadistic, awful piece of shit human being, willing to do everything and anything to satisfy this morbid curiosity of his, never looking at anyone's feelings, probably never experiencing empathy for all of his life, checking just where the breaking point for people is, as if that was the only thing that matters in this wretched world. as a child he'd get pristine grades, constant praise. no faults, it would seem. none at all. i love how he pretty much has no real reason or explanation for his actions, other than a mere it's fun, it's interesting. it's so... cold. so horrifying. so raw, so real.

at the same time, this man is so unbelievably loving towards Secco; is it because he is the only one who understands this passion? because this is the only one who accepts him for who he is? the only one who has seen this side of him without dying or ignoring it? or is it because of that ass NONONO back on track. i am so in love with this contrast. he loves Secco dearly and deeply, no doubt in that. he cares about him, just as much as himself - yes, this selfish man! yes, this man who would murder innocent people in cold blood because of curiosity! yes, this man who would make the elderly kill themselves just for his sick, twisted idea of fun! he takes extra care - knowing it might cost him his life if he makes any sounds - just to send Secco a voice message, praising, reassuring, guiding him. and, honestly? the second voice message feels so heartfelt. "You need to let go". "Only you can do this". Cioccolata probably knows he's as good as dead at this point. these are not the actions or words of someone who is really, truly just using someone. he doesn't need to do any of this. and yet, he goes an extra mile, only to increase Secco's chances of survival.

and when Secco realises, he's... furious. he's mad. they were going to be invincible. undefeatable. this was supposed to prove them more powerful than the boss himself! how dare Cioccolata lose? this feels like an attempt at disconnecting himself from Cioccolata fully. if he says Cioccolata was weak, he is still strong. Secco is better, he didn't lose. it's so defensive.

but now, what really, really gets me about Secco's reaction is a specific line:

"That's why I felt safe following your orders."

safe.

this makes me feel so much. so, so, so much!! it makes me wonder about Secco. so much is unknown about him, but this implies lack of the general feeling of safety in his life before meeting Cioccolata. i can't help but wonder, just how he became his patient... and how they managed the get along.

Secco confessing this means so much. you don't just feel safe around anyone. i do genuinely believe he is mad at Cioccolata for losing, but this also reads like a breakdown, somehow. grief is weird. denial is weird. anger is weird. especially when they all melt together.

to Secco, by dying, Cioccolata is betraying every promise he's ever made.

but at the same time, Secco is emotional. Secco is the type of person to just get carried away by whatever he feels.

i'm in love with the way he's drawn, animalistic like that, his teeth, spit. how nothing is visible other than his eyes and mouth. it's such an interesting choice, much like him stuttering and admitting that Cioccolata tossing sugar cubes is also something he felt safe because of.

they did love each other.

and i feel like it's somewhat poetic, how they both end up in the "combustible trash" truck. at the end, they are both worthy of each other. same trash. that's why i love them.

i can't stop re-reading the chapters they appear in. i need to rewatch their episodes, too, they are straight up calling me.

[cfr749]

What’s your opinion on the Valentine’s Day storyline? specifically Tim being upset with Lucy and just how it was written in general?

Hi anon!

Thanks for the ask! I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you!

So I will admit my feelings have evolved a bit on this particular storyline especially in context of season 6 (which I am enjoying so far).

I'll start with my thoughts on the whole five-player-trade thing since those storylines were so intermingled (and apparently that whole thing is going to be the gift that keeps on giving 😂).

Side note: I still wish they would have just dealt with the repercussions of the whole TO/Rookie superior/subordinate thing directly instead of inventing all this sorcery when they could have just acknowledged the inherent misogyny and sexism they've already admitted exists.

We still could have had the cuteness of the group scene and all the plotting to find an opening for Tim without making Lucy out to be a manipulator.

But for whatever reason, they really didn't seem comfortable dealing with the power dynamic issues and repercussions head on, so now I guess we get to see Aaron try to date his therapist instead 😂😬

But at least it seems like they are trying to fix their framing this season by making it clear to the audience that Lucy is the one being wronged, so that's a good thing in my book even though it's hard to see her struggle.

So, after all that, you will be shocked to hear that I wasn't a huge fan of Lucy's choice to do the five-player-trade thing 😂.

I do understand why Tim was upset with her. I think doing what she did behind his back was a problem. Don't get me wrong, though -- they both failed majorly at adult communication 101 here.

Tim should have talked to her before he made the decision to switch positions. Had they discussed it, I don't think Lucy would have felt the same level of responsibility and pressure that she did to make sure Tim wouldn't be stuck in a role he hated. Mostly because she never would have agreed to him taking a desk position and they would have had to work together to come up with another solution. From there, the story could have unfolded very differently.

Tim made a choice behind her back that impacted their relationship, but only his career. Lucy went behind Tim's back and made a choice that ultimately impacted both of their careers.

But, at the end of the day, Tim 100% came out of the situation a winner. And Lucy is continuing to pay the price. As happy as I am that Tim finally acknowledged Primm's role in the outcome of Lucy's detective exam, I am actually pretty disappointed that we haven't seen any actual acknowledgement from him that Lucy is in the position she's in now specifically because she didn't want him to be unhappy.

Lucy's choices were her own, and now she's gotta live with that, but there's no question that she did what she did out of love. And it sucks that we haven't seen any direct appreciation for what she was willing to risk for him, even if he wasn't a fan of the execution.

I had to go back and watch some clips from this episode in order to respond to this, and I have to say it actually gutted me to see how genuinely happy and proud and excited Lucy was for Tim when he got the promotion. Especially juxtaposed against Lucy learning that as much as Tim loves her and wants to support her, he really isn't able to fully get behind her on her dream, which is, of course, understandable, given his past, but still just really heartbreaking for Lucy.

When I initially watched the five-player-trade episode, I was just waiting for Tim to pop up at Smitty's trailer in his own hazmat suit to help Lucy. I thought he would be a little irritated about Lucy going behind his back, but ultimately I though we'd see him acknowledging and appreciating just how much she was willing to do to make sure he was happy (forget torpedoing her career -- she cleaned Smitty's trailer for god's sake!).

Moving into the V-day episode...

First off, boo on Tim for bailing on V-day breakfast (even is she was up late catching up with Noah 😂).

Even though I understood why Tim was upset, I don't love avoidant Tim (looking at you, beginning of 6x02 Tim 😂). Lucy of course deals with it because she does genuinely love him and understands how he operates, but this is something I do think he needs to work on and I'd like to see change over the course of the relationship. As much as I loved their Rookie-T.O. dynamic, there are definitely aspects of it that don't belong in a healthy relationship.

Back to the point, I do think what Lucy did was misguided and short-sighted (and unbelievably sweet). I do think she should have actually apologized (sorry not sorry doesn't count 😂).

But, while we're at it, Tim can apologize for making a major life decision without talking to her first also... 😂

The scene at the end was cute; I like it better now than I did when it originally aired. Some actual heat over "fuel for later" would have been great but it is, of course, The Rookie. And I do wish they would have made the gift somehow meaningful for them to give the scene a little bit more weight (think when Jackson gave Lucy the St. Michael pendant), but hey, at least we got the trophy this season 🥰.

Ultimately, it didn't make me feel a whole lot, and it's not a scene that makes the list when I think of my favorite moments for them.

And watching it back did highlight (IMO) the contrast between what we've seen so far in season 6 vs. the bulk of what we saw in season 5. And while angst is part of it, for me, I think it's more about giving us a story that (at least occasionally) goes beyond the surface level (Tim was mildly irritated! Lucy was sassy and silly!) and explores the character's emotions in a way that makes them more human and relatable.

What were your thoughts on this storyline??

[animentality]

Sorry if this has been asked before, but I'm curious. How much of a part do you think ketheric played in durge's downfall? I recently replayed moonrise and ketheric is smirking and gloating and the narrator even mentions he knows exactly who you are but will never tell. Gortash's memoirs indicate that they learned about the elder brain after visiting moonrise, and the warden says that durge only ever visited once and never left. Maybe durge and Gortash learned about the brain then just ran off to conspire together, giggling and plotting, and ketheric was just done? Especially since Durge and Gortash came up with the plan without him - leaving ketheric out while in his own domain. Plus, how did orin know they were even there? I can't see durge telling their underling about their plans. Did ketheric somehow find out about her and contact her like "I know how you can remove durge. Btw pretend to be Gortash, trust me"? She had no reason to be there. Plus the way ketheric smirks at durge, commenting "treat me like you would any other chosen" when it had been just him, durge, and Gortash previously, which is basically him saying to give him the respect durge gave Gortash. I feel like ketheric probably played a major role in it and I'm interested in your take on it. Thanks so much!

I never considered the double entendre of "treat me like you would any other chosen" and that was DEFINITELY Ketheric being a little cunty elf, like ok queen, I see you, I hear you, I feel that.

EDIT: Ok, I just checked, and he apparently says, "Obey me like you would any other chosen."

Which is less iconic. But still. Have a cookie for writing that little double entendre better than Larian.

Not so sure on the "obey" part in terms of durgetash though. I highly doubt the Dark Urge ever "obeyed" Gortash just, without question.

But as for if Ketheric was involved...I don't know.

He didn't seem particularly happy to have Orin on board. The plan really started unraveling when the Dark Urge was deposed too. I doubt he liked the power struggle. I don't think he really had a huge issue with the Dark Urge, all my joking aside, only because the plan was going along well when the three of them were working together.

Him smiling and being coy could just be him being amused at their state, since he's an asshole, and the last time the Dark Urge was at Moonrise, he was mad at them about something...

Although...to be fair...I guess we never did know why he was angry at them.

The Dark Urge specific scene says that the Dark Urge was "demanding" something from Ketheric.

But I don't think we ever really know what?

Like they were working together on their brain thing...the fuck were they annoyed about? What were they demanding?

Also...in the timeline where the Dark Urge just dies...Orin hikes their body all the way back to Baldur's Gate, fully intact?

She went all the way to Moonrise, then lugged it back?

I guess that's just nitpicking, but it doesn't totally make sense to me because, first off, I don't understand if Orin tadpoled Durge at moonrise or somewhere else. secondly, I just don't see why Ketheric would support an usuper instead of the Dark Urge.

Ketheric being a smug little bitch only because he hates you on principle would make SENSE. Because he definitely knew you got fucked, since Balthazar is his advisor, and he knows what happened to you. There's no way Balthy wouldn't have told Ketheric, right? So Ketheric just straight up didn't tell Gortash because he's an ass.

And he smirks at you because he's remembering how annoying you are, and he's glad to see that arrogant bhaalspawn put in their proper place.

But the story in terms of how/when the Dark Urge got tadpoled is very scattered! I am not the only person who's noted this. It's a MESS in terms of timelines. Especially where the Dark Urge is concerned.

I really don't know how involved Orin was in the Absolute Plan before she usurped the Dark Urge.

Was she their right hand, and thus, well known? It might make sense for Ketheric to hear her out...but again, I don't think he'd be fond of a power struggle?

Also.

You get tadpoled in the opening...but the Dark Urge is the first tadpole victim.

So I guess you had the misfortune of being tadpoled twice (ahaha, just kidding, this is a nitpick, I know it's the same for everyone).

More seriously though...so the Dark Urge seems to know Enver Gortash is the Chosen of Bane BEFORE they did their little Hall of Wonders date.

But Gortash says that their gods came to them in a dream? And named them as Chosens together, and to seek out Ketheric Thorm?

But then...then they didn't come up with the plan...they got sent to Moonrise...

"Together?"

But...the Dark Urge only went to Moonrise ONCE?

So????

It's CONFLICTING information! It gets even worse when you realize ok, so they went to Moonrise together (maybe?), found the mindflayer colony, realized they could enslave an Elder Brain, then decided to seek out Helsik to steal the Crown...but when they stole it, it's mentioned by Gortash that they "crowned" the Brain and THEN started the cult of the Absolute?

So the Dark Urge would be running through the streets murdering people????

So...where in the plan did the Dark Urge go missing?

So in short.

I really don't think Ketheric was involved in the Dark Urge disappearing...and insofar as, when and how did Orin kill them...

I don't know, but their body is literally in her bedroom if the Dark Urge dies in that timeline.

So...she never tadpoled them...then...who was the first victim?

And also. WHEN DID SHE DO IT?

AAAAARGH.

Anyway.

The wiki conflicts with info in the game, Gortash is a lying slut, the Dark Urge only has three notes and two of them are just thirsting over Gortash, and the other is inviting Orin to split their skull open...

We don't have any correspondence with Ketheric on the Absolute Plan because it's too early to find that out in act 2...

It's a mess, my guy (gn).

I don't even try to piece it together most of the time.

If anyone knows...dm or anon me, and we'll figure this out.

[swearyshera]

Alice,

I've loved being able to read Sweary She-Ra through the years. I happened upon it only a few months after finishing She-Ra (I was late to the party due to not having Netflix, oops), and it gave me so much wonderful content to keep my excitement for the series alive.

The way you explored the characters, especially Catra's mental health and her relationship with Shadow Weaver, helped give me a new understanding and greater appreciation of them. I bring up Catra specifically because, I'll be honest, I wasn't a big Catra fan for awhile. I liked her well enough, then kinda didn't in season 4, but grew fond of her again around season 5. But you helped me understand her thought-process, and I came to like her more because of it. I really like that you also handled her in a nuanced way, where, as you've said many times, you explained her behavior without excusing it, and that made all the difference.

One of the things I really appreciated about your take on She-Ra was how apparent your intelligence was, as well as your writing skill. It wasn't just "Catra says fuck and Glimmer has killed dozens," even though it could have been--you went the extra mile (or kilometer, since you're British :P) and gave us a variety of jokes, as well as mood shifts from comedic to tragic to dramatic to hopeful. All of the characters felt like themselves, even though they were pushed up to 11 and had some creative liberties taken, such as Frosta being a demon and Hordak's Geordie accent. You had a good handle on all of them, which can be very hard to do with a large cast, especially one written by another writer.

I also really appreciated that you took the time to answer asks and build a community here. It gave us lovely jokes such as Bob (that's right, I haven't forgotten about him), Catra's age, and Entrapta reading our comments. I've always been very shy online, but seeing you having such nice interactions with fans helped me open up, and I'm glad I did! I used to ask anonymously from time to time (yes, my first ask was about DT, all the way back during your start on season one, what else would it be? XD), and I'm glad I've gotten to chat and joke with you, as have the rest of us.

I'm so glad that you stuck with this and created such a wonderful fan-series. We never got a movie, but this was just as good, in my opinion. It was like watching SPOP for the first time all over again. I'm excited to see what you create next, be it SPOP-related or not. I hope the future has great things in store for you.

You brought us laughs, tears, and spectacular Glimmer-swears, and your blog means so much to so many people. You mean so much to so many people. I hope you find success in your future endeavors!

FOR THE HONOR OF GAYSKULL!

What can I say, it's truly been an honour (of Gayskull) to write something that I had no idea brought so much to many people. I'm genuinely quite humbled by the reaction.

I always wanted to be fair to all the characters, to show their reasons without necessarily validating the invalid stuff that they've done, and that particularly came across with Catra. It's no secret that I see a lot of parallels between her and my own history, but I've applied the same take-no-shit but be kind approach that I took with myself over the years. And I've learned a lot about mental health during that time, so I could give that sometimes painful realism, but also know just how to make fun of it in the right way.

In some ways, I feel like the characters I've written have taken on their own personality that's very distinct from the original, and that's probably why I think there's a little more mileage in them yet. Both in terms of original stuff (my pilot script Snowflakes has almost 1:1 versions of DT and Perfuma!), but also in the possibility for creating more Sweary stuff, and that is slowly taking shape - although I am taking it easy for a bit, I've already outlined a story which I'd love to make into an audio drama. Currently workshopping it with a couple of people, so watch this space...

It has been a joy to get so many asks from people, yourself included, and my inbox will always be open. I'm not going anywhere for a while! You were very much my DT-asker-in-chief, and I'm super glad you enjoyed their scenes (heck, you even got them a cameo at the end!). So thank you immensely for the support.

I'm happy I've been able to contribute to a wonderful fandom in such a way, and I'm eager to keep on giving back to a community that has given me so many amazing friends.

FOR THE HONOR OF GAYSKULL!

[filmnoirsbian]

'her brother def killed her' PLEASE go on if you have the time bc i would LOVE to see you talk about this film

It's a wonderful little horror movie! If you haven't seen it but plan to, don't read this response!! This is a movie best watched blind and uninfluenced by outside opinion.

(🤚 Spoilers 🚩 Below ⬇️)

Regarding the brother specifically, I didn't initially find him suspicious until the series of video clips where we see him repeatedly filming Alice without her knowledge, which she clearly was uncomfortable with and upset about. I get that siblings squabble but it just struck me as odd that every interaction we see between the siblings shows one of them antagonizing the other--usually Matthew antagonizing Alice.

Matthew is the last one to see Alice. They're swimming together out in the lake, and then he decides to head back alone. He claims she wanted to stay out there. But then when he reaches the beach, he asks his parents "Where's Alice?" alerting them to the fact that she is missing. The dad mentions that the lake looked still, with no sign of her. If Alice could swim, isn't it unlikely that she would have just drowned in still water, without any external cause?

Then there's the dad's vision of Alice, in which she acts out the scene between her and Matthew, where she discovers him filming her and yells at him to get out of her room. Why would he see that moment specifically? What if Alice was trying to make him understand that Matthew was involved somehow?

Matthew's bruises were another oddity. At first I assumed it was just another symptom of the haunting, but Alice's ghost didn't otherwise seem capable of physicality. And the bruises developed very shortly after her death, before eventually healing. So I posit that Alice gave him those bruises during their struggle at the lake, when he drowned her.

Alice's corpse looks excessively damaged by the time it's found, though it's only been in the water a few hours (she was reported missing around 6pm, discovered sometime after 9pm). Obviously other things could have caused that, maybe she was fed on by fish, etc, but I think Matthew beating her/forcefully drowning her could have also caused the damage to her face especially.

Matthew manipulating footage to make it seem like Alice's ghost is haunting them is another thing which, divorced from all other context, wouldn't make me immediately suspicious of him. People grieve in different ways, and his reasoning that he wanted to give his mom some sort of comfort or closure would be good enough for me under other circumstances. But next to everything else, it's more disturbing, his manipulation of Alice's presence/image even after her death. And there's no understandable reason behind him donning her clothes and wandering around the site where she died. Again, people grieve in strange ways sometimes, but this behavior goes basically unaddressed.

Finally, the sex tape of Alice--a 16 year old--and her married adult neighbors the Tooheys. This one's a bit of a stretch I admit, but we already know Matthew has been video taping his sister without her knowledge or permission, and it's never really explained how Alice got the tape from the Tooheys if it was in fact taped by them. I don't remember any of them ever actually looking at the camera as though they knew it was there. What if it was actually Matthew's tape, and Alice found it? I think it'd be easier for her to get it from him, since they live together, and then tell the Tooheys about it.

If Matthew really did kill Alice, a lot of questions are answered, and Alice's story becomes even more tragic. In her dream, she feels drugged and scared and goes to her parents' bed, wanting to tell them. But she can't. She realizes they can't help her, so she just stands there crying. This could just be the heartwrenching experience of a girl who knows she is going to die and is struggling with that knowledge. But it could also be the experience of a child who is being abused by a family member and desperately wants to tell their parents, but can't.

In the end, we know that while the family moves on, assuming they've learned what Alice was trying to tell them, Alice's ghost is not at rest. She is stuck in that house, in the story of her pain, unseen when she was alive and unseen now in death. The images that capture Alice's ghost (excluding the lake mungo footage) are either taken by Matthew or feature him. The film is horrifying and depressing no matter what, but if this theory is correct, it means we, alongside Alice, have just watched her murderer get away with it.

[stilldancewithyou]

It’s kind of crazy to me the cheating storyline is so debated because at the end of the day it’s not even why belly and Jere broke up? Like she said yes to his proposal and even if she was 129388274 feet in denial up until the wedding day like the cheating was never the cause of her denial. To me, the cheating’s biggest purpose is actually for Conrad. Without it he would have never confessed. And like even if it can be debated since belly and Jere were in a fight/broken up blah blah like it resonates with Conrad because it’s a direct parallel of their dad’s actions and how their dad treated Susannah. And I think this is reason why it’s so important to the 3rd book because in the past two books Conrad is grieving yes but he’s also very mad at his dad for cheating on his sick mom. His actions are a reaction to BOTH their parents. Like this is a boy who quit everything he liked because he was so scared of being like his shitty dad and he based his decisions on not being like his dad. And then he goes and discovers that his own brother did what their dad did to their mom to the girl they both loved!!!

Like it’s not “JH made jeremiah cheat to make him look bad against Conrad for the audience” its really “she made Jeremiah cheat because it’s quite literally the ONLY ill act that will make him look bad TO Conrad.”Because Conrad would’ve kept the belief that he was undeserving of belly for the rest of his life and kept sacrificing b/j happiness for his own if Jeremiah didn’t cheat.

For this reason alone I feel like it would be in the show. However they didn’t make it clear Conrad knew about his dad cheating, so it could go either way. But yeah these are just my thoughts :)

YES. this is exactly everything I've been trying to say. Thank you for articulating this point so well. SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

I could never really understand why Belly accepted the proposal, but she was really desperate to prove that she didn't still love Conrad because of how everyone else made her feel about being with Conrad. I don't understand why people have such a hard time understanding this and why so much of this fandom has such a hatred for the third book and Jeremiah cheating specifically. I have never seen so many people mad about one little plot before. I can only assume that people didn't actually read the book even though they act like they have. Honestly, for me the cheating thing wasn't the worst thing Jeremiah did in the 3rd book. He was a total and complete ass the entire book, and he had such hatred for Conrad it was actually so sad. Yeah, I just don't understand why everyone is so stuck on the cheating. for me that wasn't the worst thing he did or the deal breaker.

I 10000% agree with you. Conrad couldn't let Belly be with a man who would treat her the way Adam treated Susannah and especially not his own brother who should know how awful it is and how deeply it can hurt (and he obviously did know and recognize this bc he felt super guilty, bought her the cheap bracelet and then proposed after she found out). I also think Conrad saw himself as not good enough for Belly and when he found out Jere had done that, he finally realized that he wasn't as bad as he thought, it made him realize that Belly should be with someone who truly loves her and would never do that to her. Because his immediate response is "I would never do that". he literally tells Belly "I never even looked at another girl when we were together" and you know she also understands this and knows how bad it is, but she doesn't want to admit it or admit that she still loves Conrad and would rather be with him. Up until that point, Conrad was going to be the best man and watch them vow to love each other forever from his brother's side. He was opposed to the engagement from the start and thought it was a mistake but he was the only one who didn't say a word to Belly about that. He just helped her plan the wedding AND he went out of his way to convince Laurel to go to the wedding and be there for Belly. He was trying so hard to be okay with it. But like you said, as soon as he hears Jere and his friends talking about having sex with Belly and Jere cheating, he runs out of the bar and immediately finds Belly to tell her, and he goes from "I hate this wedding but I'm gonna help and not influence Belly's decision in any way" to "we could run away right now and be together" and finally confesses his feelings. I think everyone is completely missing this point when it comes to the cheating storyline. I just don't get how you could read the book and then say "oh the story would be fine without it". But nothing else they could come up with for Jere to do would be the same, it wouldn't be enough to get to Conrad. I've thought about everything you said here before and it really is such an exact parallel of Susannah and Adam and idk how people haven't figured that out/seen that yet.

I feel like it's kind of implied in the show that Conrad does know about his dad cheating (which is why he can't stand to be around him in the show). Everyone can believe what they want, but I choose to believe they are following the third book and we will see Jeremiah cheat and then eventually get to see the whole scene on the beach of Conrad telling Belly how he feels about her and them arguing about Jeremiah cheating.

[izzyspussy]

may or may not be putting this in tatg (& if i don't maybe i'll make it its own fic) but like. and i know other people have mentioned this, right, about how when one parent is abusive there's no realistic way for the other parent relationship to be all hunky dory or whatever.

and the way jamie talked about her in season one, the way his childhood bedroom is as-was and there's such an abundance of publicity-looking photos on that shrine as compared to personal photos which are all kid photos, etc. we can - if we choose to - assume that there was at least some kind of in between period where jamie and his mom were not as close.

and idk i'm just thinking about the specifics of that in between period and how they both felt about it / their motivations / etc, and how we can also assume - if we choose to - that georgie pretty much knows What Happened wrt james. i mean there's equally as much room to interpret it as jamie didn't tell her exactly what happened in amsterdam specifically but she could tell he didn't have a good time and took him back, or maybe he did tell her exactly what happened and she took him back for the same reason of like overwriting the memory or whatever. like those two are equally canon-supported takes imo.

and tbh i don't think either one of those is more likely than the other, but personally i think the way the vibes feel to me, i err toward the latter. because when jamie told roy he seemed to know like okay this isn't a good experience but it's not that bad and assumed roy thought the prostitute would have had a worse time somehow. so from that we can maybe assume - if we choose to - that he wouldn't really know to hide it from georgie (of course on the other end, we could assume instead he would have felt the feelings without thinking about them and hid because of that even without knowing, but that's not what i'm assuming rn). but we can ALSO assume that since jamie so automatically didn't think roy was talking about him when he said "traumatizing" then.... georgie wouldn't have said as much when he told her.

and like. okay. so maybe she thought if she said the big scary words, if she said "traumatized" if she said "abuse" if she said "rape" that would make it worse. maybe she thought she needed to not make a big deal about it, right, to protect jamie, to not make him even more upset. i know that this is something that people think when faced with this, especially with kids.

but i also know. most of the time. in my experience. that is not the right choice at all. it seems right, and the people doing it absolutely are doing what they think is best and honestly there's not ever going to be much of a "best practice" for this because everyone is affected differently, etc. but in my experience. it's the wrong thing to do.

and it's also kind of a known phenomenon that people don't want to admit their parents were wrong or to hold things against them, especially when they have an understanding that the parent in question was going through their own struggles or surviving their own traumas at the time. buuuuut. not wanting to feel a certain way doesn't actually make you not feel that way. and additionally, not know why you feel a certain way doesn't make you not feel that way. in fact, even not realizing you feel a certain way at all doesn't make you not feel it either!

so. i think jamie was probably really upset with georgie for never saying it. for just trying to help jamie through it by moving past it, instead of ever facing it directly and calling it what it was and impressing upon him how serious it was, how wrong. (and he was also angry about this wrt to teachers, doctors, coaches, etc etc. not ted, even tho it's the same and he should have been, because it was in a pretty messed up spot when ted didn't step in, when he didn't step in again, when he later suggested more of the same just moving right along, and he maybe couldn't feel angry at ted right then whether knowing why or not, these things are sooo complicated, but later probably! later, he might be angry enough to call ted up in america and say hey man. i need to say my piece about this actually.)

and all that shit was true for him - that he didn't realize he felt that way, and if he did he wouldn't know why, and if he did he wouldn't want to - until he got to a better enough and stable enough place that he could work through all that and then have a conflict about it.

but anyway, yeah! so that's part of the reason why they were maybe not totally estranged but definitely strained in season one, maybe for a lot of season two, and however long before canon. (i think i'm headcanoning here that they started rebuilding/healing their relationship around the christmas episode, though i don't remember exactly where that falls in the timeline other than "before wembley".)

and then on the other side! georgie would probably - despite all efforts, and knowing she was being irrational, and knowing it wasn't jamie's fault - would feel a little bit sort of something similar about jamie being ""close"" with james in immediately pre-season one times. like because, he's her son, she loves him so much, and he's supposed to love her too, and he's like hanging out with her abuser. his own abuser too, yes, but! again, feelings don't care about sense. and like, she was never really angry with him, she was never actually disappointed in him like he thought she would be, but there would be this sort of background bitterness that he was (seemingly) choosing to spend time with james and change his behavior to suit him.

it's a really complicated, excessively shitty situation!

but yeah i think probably they never really talk about or even really need to talk about georgie's side of things of feeling shitty about jamie choosing to be around james, because that's totally not his fault and he was suffering for it anyway, and imo that's just one of those "your kids will hurt your feeling sometimes" facts of parenthood type of things. it would simply... pass.

but either in very late canon off-screen, or else post-canon, they absolutely do have to talk about it and let jamie get out that she did him wrong by not saying those words and making a suitably big deal over It All. and like of course he's aware she did what she thought was best and there's no real way she could have known how that would affect him or not, but it is something he has a right to be upset about and have addressed.

anyway all that to say. that's why he's not calling her about his nightmares in tatg. (and also this is at least preeeetttyyy close to my actual canon interpretation of their relationship and why it is the way it is and why it isn't the way it isn't.)

[thepetesimp]

(My) Top 5 VegasPete scenes

Listen. Listen. I'm surely not being original here. I'm certain this post has been made before, especially closer to the show airing, but I wasn't here then, and the spoons for such a post came right now, so I'm doing it now. Now, a warning: my choices will make you question my sanity. They will make you wonder wtf is wrong with me for *not* including specific scenes. They will make you question my VP taste in general. I know, I do too all the time, but the thing is, I have *reasons* for every single one being here and I will thoroughly explain, and if you're still baffled, I get it, I am too, but the brainrot works in mysterious ways. So, let's go (very long post incoming):

No5: The pool scene - Episode 14

LOOK, I COULDN'T NOT INCLUDE THIS SCENE OK? I'M NOT THAT STUPID (Pls don't kill me for not putting it higher, I know, it's a crime, I know-). Fun fact: I had seen a screenshot of the point in which Pete says he's hungry, before watching the VP arc, and I deadass thought it was fan subtitles, like a joke, a meme, SOMETHING other than what he ACTUALLY said. It was very funny when I found out the truth. God, this scene is heart-wrenching for all the right reasons. It had everything I could ever ask for and more I didn't even know I needed. I think my No1 reason for loving this scene so much is Pete's desperation to save Vegas and all the ways he showed it. To explain, we have: - him coming to find Vegas after resigning from the main family to be with him, - him being physically intimate for the very first time to such a degree (he fucking hugged Vegas from behind, I lost my marbles when I saw it), - him trying so fucking hard to say "I love you" without saying it, because he can't, it's not sth he can say, but holy fuck will he show in SOME way, - him saying he's Vegas' pet while dying a bit inside but it's necessary goddammit, Vegas won't get it otherwise, he won't understand that Pete *needs* him, - him killing the guy who shot Vegas without hesitation. I wholeheartedly believe he'd kill whoever that person was, even Korn himself, and I love it. ALSO, can we talk about the fact that the scene was dead silent, no music, nothing during their talk, then when hope is on the horizon a soft melody plays and then BOOM, Ink comes just as Vegas gets shot and you feel like YOU got shot along with him. I love the title of the piece, and I love how it gives me goosebumps every single time I hear it, and I love how *tragic* it is, because what we're witnessing is a tragedy, and would remain a tragedy if the hospital scene didn't exist. 10/10 writing, I can't believe this scene is real, I can't believe how lucky we are to have witnessed such a moment.

No4: Vegas hits Pete with the belt + tasers him when he escapes + finds him unconscious later - Episode 11

I am aware that I'm cheating with the last scene but I love it a little too much and it's the continuation of the previous one so I'll add it in. Ok, firstly, I had to include the scene which inspired me to write my first ever meta post in here, guys, it was essential. Furthermore, one thing you should know about me is that I love - what I like to call - "pre-VP VP", meaning VP interactions up to ep 11 (which is my favorite episode, you'll figure out why as we move through the list). It had everything; it had Pete refusing to eat, throwing his philosophy at Vegas' face, it had Vegas lashing out at Pete in a way he didn't even enjoy (he started shouting as he was hitting him to convince himself he was enjoying this but he wasn't, I'm biting my FIST here), we had Pete using the belt to escape, only for Vegas, the fucking SLUT with the loose shirt showing off his TITS, to follow him outside, we had the tasing and the catching and the soft handling of Pete's body as he fell (he totally carried him back bridal style), we had Vegas believing Pete would laugh at him for what his father did (oh Vegas you moron, he would never laugh at you, if only you saw his face when Gun slapped you), we had Vegas freaking the fuck out at a non-responsive Pete, we had it all folks. I've watched these scenes more times than I can count, they're fucking glorious. And the music too, oh God the music. You'll see me scream about the music a lot here, because it's one of the deciding factors in my preferences, so I have to mention it, just as I did for No5. Unfortunately, Shazam hasn't helped me find the first two pieces used in the scene (when Pete is hit with the belt and when he uses it to escape) but I know of the other two, which are Lost Register and Walking the Distance, which are such perfect titles for Vegas, aren't they? I don't have any intelligent things to say about these scenes, I just love them so fucking much, even though Vegas hitting Pete with the belt makes me flinch, even though Pete gets the worst treatment here (minus the ball roasting I guess), I love them so much, because it's the limit that Vegas surpasses, and the realization he did so was incredibly enjoyable to watch.

No3: Vegas tortures Pete - Episodes 10-11

Yes, I did cheat again but technically the two scenes happen back to back on the same day (it's not the same day, Vegas is wearing a different shirt, but we'll pretend it is okay?) and yes, I did put only Pete screenshots here, look at my name, what do you want from me? When I said I have a deep fascination with "pre-VP VP", this is what I mean people. These two scenes solidified my obsession with this specific dynamic of theirs. Pete was so fucking unhinged and it was the most beautiful thing I have laid my eyes upon. There are too many things to mention, I adore them so much. We have Pete not speaking a single line of dialogue during the scene in ep 10, we have ep 11 and Vegas changing his approach, touching Pete in a sexual way which unnerves Pete but he's still not lost complete control, we have Gun hitting Vegas in front of Pete, with Pete putting the pieces together, we have the fucking phone call to his grandma, which is the thing that makes Pete give up and it's wonderful, because after that we have Pete screaming - I love his screams, I've listened to them on repeat, I have issues - and trembling with pure rage as Vegas toys with him. I've watched these two scenes, both for fic purposes and for my own enjoyment, probably more than 30 times at this point and I loved every single one of them. Btw, can we pay attention to the fact that the sneaky bastards over at BOC put a slight variation of Stable Delusion during the moment in which Vegas puts his hand inside Pete's underwear? Because I noticed, and I hope you did too. A lot of VP fans said they truly noticed Pete here, which is fair tbh, even though I was a big fan of his from the start. He truly shines in these scenes and seeing this side of him is delicious every single time.

No2: Pete's breakdown - Episode 13

Fuck my whole existence, what am I supposed to even say here? How am I even supposed to touch upon this scene without losing my mind? How do I explain what this scene did to my brain when I watched it, and kept watching it, and never stopped watching it because it's so fucking important to me? Pff, whatever, let me try. I'll mostly use the music playing throughout the scene to help me describe my feelings about it. The scene basically starts with both Vegas and Pete being lost and miserable, each one for different but interlaying reasons. The music accompanying the scene is called Unspoken, because neither can really say outright what's bothering them, because they're hanging by a thread and it's so, so good. It's heavy and painful and it creates this uneasy feeling in your stomach, accompanied by the visuals. It goes on, until it stops, right as Vegas says "Isn't my fucking life like this because of them?", because of course it does, Vegas is one second away from snapping at Pete, but Pete doesn't hesitate, he says to Vegas the harsh truth: "It's your choice." And then, Vegas drops the noodles - Pete's food, Pete's nourishment - on the floor, and the music playing is called Calculating Catastrophe, which I *only just discovered* and I want to pull my hair out. The dream is gone, no more afterglow, only misery, because Vegas can't handle the truth, because Pete can't handle the lie, because it's all crushing down and Pete can do nothing about it but accept it, accept Vegas' cruelty, accept the knife in his throat. He's waiting to die, he says it, he grabs Vegas' wrist and then, only when he says he doesn't even have his humanity left, does the music resume playing, the OST called This Creed, just as Pete tells Vegas - tells us, the audience - what his "set of beliefs which guide his actions" is, and both Vegas and us watching are dumbfounded, we're as scared for what Pete might do as Vegas is, and it's so painful and so beautiful to witness. The music stops again as Vegas says "No" to Pete being just a pet, and both him and us are breathing a hesitant shy of relief, only for Pete to snap again, to scream at Vegas while showing his handcuffed wrist, to ask "what the fuck is this then?" and the music playing compliments this moment brilliantly, because it's called Absent Cognition and it's a 10/10 fit. And the most brilliant thing here is how they're BOTH HAVING A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CONVERSATION. They're talking past each other and Pete knows, he knows Vegas is stuck on his delusions because he can't do otherwise, he can't, it'll destroy him, but Pete himself also can't do this anymore, he can't stay, he has to go, "I'm sorry, Vegas, I'm sorry" (relevant post to this point specifically because I have lost my mind over it in the past). God, this scene is sosososososo good and so them, and I can't stop watching it, I can't get it out of my head. It's utterly stunning and I love it.

No1: The pill kiss/VP's talk - Episode 11

Ok. I am not normal when it comes to this scene. I have based my entire fucking personality around it since 2022. It makes me emotional every time I rewatch it, it gives me goosebumps just remembering its existence. It's because this scene is the shift in their relationship. It's them finally looking at each other in the eye and truly seeing each other. It's a promise in the shape of a pill, it's a revelation, it's rebirth. Vegas being gentle with Pete for the first time shifted something in me, as it did in Pete himself. Vegas is fighting it a bit at first; he says "Take it" to Pete harshly, demanding Pete take the pill, but when Pete rejects him, his tone gets softer. It almost sounds like begging to me and it's so powerful. Oh Bible, the delivery of some lines feel like a slap across the face, thank you. Little House on the Hill starts playing as Vegas lowers his body and puts the pill into Pete's mouth through a kiss. Even the title of the song is softer, their own little world in a little house, as they're coming closer through a promise that ended up not being kept: I can be gentle with you too. Please take the nourishment I'm giving you. And then he gets up, and sits on the floor, and the show literally gives us VP being on equal ground for the first time, truly equal: both battered and broken and looking at each other. And they talk, and Vegas starts opening up already after Pete asks him what happened, and then A Sky Sparkling starts playing as Pete talks to Vegas about his childhood, about how his father beat him up for losing, and then for winning, and I'm a sobbing mess on the floor at this point. (A Sky Sparkling = Vegas' worldview changing, gaining light, a new perspective. Fuck the titles of these songs have ruined me.) You'd think I'd have the most words about my all-time favorite VP scene, but I'm afraid that's not the case. I'm speechless. It'd given me such a visceral reaction that I simply don't know how to explain myself anymore. All I know is that I'll never get tired of watching it, of thinking about it, of analyzing it in my head. It's everything to me. I love VegasPete so much. At the end of this super long post, that's all I can say.

[11queensupreme11]

I just love how everyone collectively looked and piper and were like “ yes this bitch is crazy “ to be fair she is 💀

Also I keep on forgetting that Jason is a victim 😭Like someone save him, I littery went and bought the TOA books just for this one specific scene.

Ok so when piper dumps Jason she doesn’t explain the breakup and makes it seem like he dumped her ! And when people ask she doesn’t like correctement then and shit😨

Also Jason the poor boy literally doesn’t understand why she dumbed him and even still has feeling for her…..

I need that poor boy to live his best life without this crazy lady 😭

Pipers the type of person who would’ve had the freshman stick used on her in my old high school ( it’s just a stick used to push and trip the annoying freshman’s down the stairs none have ever been injured but like still wild stuff from my old school 💀)

someone talked about this before (i think it was autumn from quotev), but putting piper in toa might've been rick's way of doing damage control 💀

a lot of ppl actually didn't like piper in hoo, but their reasons were more so "she's a mary sue" and all that and not the actual internalized misogyny (this was back in the early 2010s and "internalized misogyny" wasn't a widely talked about/known thing yet). there was also the talk about the racist way rick wrote her character (giving her more european features, not doing proper research about cherokees, etc).

BUT ANYWAY. instead of listening to their criticism, rick doubled down and ADDED HER INTO TOA when he really should've just kept her out (he really REALLY likes piper ok).

if i made a character and ppl HATED them, i would either A) cut them out of future stories or B) listen to the ppls criticism and actually give my character a character development my readers would like. ESPECIALLY if i was SELLING these books. i might lose some money if i keep them around!

a lot of ppl complained about jiper/jasper, so rick broke them up but framed it in a way that PIPER looked to be the victim. she was "pushed into the relationship by hera and aphrodite", when in actuality aphrodite had nothing to do with it and all hera did was give her the fake memories. throughout hoo we SEE piper constantly pursuing jason and the fake memories. SHE was the one who kept pushing the relationship, not hera or her mom. but rick wanted her to be likable by the readers, so he made her out to be the victim to earn some sympathy

rick also made her bisexual. this was during the time lgbtq+ was starting to gain acceptance from the populace and rick REALLY REALLY likes piper and wanted everyone else to like piper too, so he made her bisexual despite her never showing any signs of bisexuality in hoo. even in toa her bisexuality wasn't even written properly cuz her relationship with shel (her gf) was very rushed. shel literally just appeared out of nowhere and piper was dating her. it pretty much got off-screened

and then.... jason got killed off 💀 like damn, what a way to go.