#they’re so fucking obsessed with gay guys it’s not ever funny

[musclesandhammering]

Perpetually annoyed by the attitude straight women have about gay men and the gay men who encourage it 😒

[mikkaeus]

house md hilson fic rec — infidelity trope

aka MY FAVE!

Other house rec lists: short fics | long fics | episode tags | postcanon

Four Blocks South of Eden by bethfrish (3k)

If you wanted paradise, you're a little off. I loved the tentative, slightly off-kilter feeling of this. Bang on characterisation, dialogue, and use of 2nd person POV (House). Set in s1 — Wilson's marriage is falling apart, and it leads to a night that could be the start of something new.

Blow the Candles Out by bethfrish (5k) Another year older, another year wiser, another divorce lurking just around the corner. So good!!! Wilson celebrates his birthday amongst the detritus of his marriage. The prose is really exceptional here. House's dialogue is also especially well done. It's a fun read that holds up well on a re-read.

Experimentation by DictionaryWrites (3k) If Wilson spending Christmas at House's in season 2 had gone a bit differently. Very well-written and in character. Got all my favourite things about an infidelity fic - the internal conflict, the desperate want, and them eventually falling into each other with all the inevitability of a coin vortex charity box.

midnight rain by GoldStarGrl (5k) Wilson can't possibly know the pain. But he wants to. I am vibrating!!! Set precanon, in the aftermath of the infarction. Infidelity, spanking, hello??? Hot, vivid, excellent characterisation, excellent writing etc etc. A+ no notes.

Commonplace and True by celestialskiff (11k) It would be a simple story--House and Wilson meet at a medical conference, have sex, and enjoy each other's company--but nothing is ever easy, or simple. Explores Wilson's relationship with House, with women, and with himself. House and Wilson throughout the years — with the version of canon where Wilson has cheated on every wife and girlfriend with House. When I tell you I am FROTHING!!! Pining while fucking?? The way it’s never the right time?? The greed of wanting to have your cake and eat it too? (That one’s specifically for Wilson, our beloved three-wives guy.) The vibes are immaculate. The prose is elegant verging on poetic. I’m eating this fic whole and it will be on my mind always. It is THE hilson fic for me. It is criminal that this fic has been up since 2012 and it only has 200 kudos. Go read it immediately & give the author some love.

hearts turn red by ictus (14k) In my head this is the counterpoint to the above fic. When I found it after reading that one it really was a holy shit two fucking cakes?? moment. The delicious infidelity vibes are similar, but the vibes of the writing are pretty different -- whereas the above fic has a more quiet, subdued atmosphere, this one has more snappy prose and it’s more light-hearted with funny moments as well as emotional ones. It’s not just the infidelity theme that makes me crazy about both of them though; it’s how they play on the great tragedy of House and Wilson. In the author’s own words: In a way they do feel a little bit doomed to never quite be on the same page with each other until the very end of the series and by then it's too late. Of course, in these fics, they’re rescued earlier than the end, but the wretched vibes remain. Also, I’m obsessed with this line: By Wilson’s read, House is somehow simultaneously joking and sincere: Schrödinger’s sexual advance. That is the entire fucking show. 

Howler Tone by baffledbear (25k) The calls always happen late at night, and they're extremely sporadic, with weeks, sometimes months bridging between them. They talk on the phone otherwise, of course; about patients, or dinner plans, or carpooling. Typical stuff. But the calls that always end a certain way always start a certain way. Wilson is so repressed but so attracted to House. House is taking as much as he can get while still remaining in relative safety. Together they push a platonic relationship to the absolute limits of plausible deniability. Overall totally realistic within the canon of the show — the natural step up from the gay chicken already depicted. It’s just such a perfect scenario for them! That combined with silky smooth prose, faithful characterisation and accurate dialogue makes this fic is a definite hilson favourite and also a hilson-thesis fic.

Twenty Years of Stealing My Food by hwshipper (100k) A backstory taking place over twenty years, from how House and Wilson met all the way to canon. A reimagining of their fucked up, magnetic relationship, with a straightforward writing style. They get together nearly as soon as they meet and maintain a steady open relationship whilst cheating on their various girlfriends and wives throughout the years.

[phoenixkaptain]

Although on the topic of Red Dragon and the things they changed between the book and the tv show, I think it’s really, really funny how they recontextualize all of Dr. Bloom’s lines in regards to Will. Because it was Alan Bloom, in the book, but Alana said a lot of the same lines, nearly word for word! And when Alana said it, most of it could be interpreted in a romantic sense.

When Alan said it, it was just weird that he didn’t like to be in the same room as Will if ut was just the two of them. Will is his friend. He is Will’s friend. They’re pretty comfortable around each other. If Will is ever alone with him, Alan will die. And like, Will is aware of this, so-

They also changed Freddy Lounds from a guy into a girl, which is funny because honestly, you could read both Freddy’s interactions with Will the exact same way. As in, they’re both honestly amazed that Will says the shit he does. And both of them leave the audience craving to see them set on fire, but only one of them delivers.

Will is, perhaps, the most different character of all. Which makes sense. I think the idea is that Will in the show is younger, he’s uncomfortable with himself and others, he’s especially uncomfortable around people with pushy personalities because they tend to use him.

Will in the novel, on the other hand, is my dear beloved. He is exhausted. Jack Crawford comes in and says “one more time, Will, please” and Will says “no, fuck off.” Crawford weasels him into it, but Will is having none of anyone’s shit for approximately the entire time. Will calls Dolarhyde gay to piss him off (this leads to Freddy Lounds being set on fire). Dolarhyde sends him a literal voice recording of Freddy Lounds telling Will that the Red Dragon is going to kill him-

“”Reach behind you, Will Graham… and feel for the small… knobs on the top of your pelvis. Feel your spine between them… that is the precise spot… where the Dragon will snap your spine.””

-and his response is-

“Graham kepts his hands on the railing. Damn if I feel. Did the Dragon not know the nomenclature of the iliac spine, or did he choose not to use it?”

Which is very funny to me because it reads to me as Will going “pssh, amateur.”

(Will has a few moments of being very uncaring about threats against his own person. This is why it’s more effective when Dolarhyde goes after his family.)

Crawford is both different and similar in many ways. In the novel, he is a lot more clear with how he’s pushing Will. He knows that he’s pushing him to the limits, he knows he’s basically holding Will over a cliff with nothing to catch him, but he thinks it’ll ultimately be fine. Even if Will does break, if he catches the Dragon first, it will have been worth it.

It’s difficult to explain Hannibal in this book. Of all the portrayals, I feel this one is… the funniest? Like, he is a little bit obsessed. He wants Will to hang out with him. He wants Will to commit murder. He thinks Will is fascinating. Will refuses to give a serial killer (one who stabbed Will in the side) his phone number or address and Hannibal sends a fucking murderer after him. Hannibal’s actions directly lead to Will being stabbed in the face, and he sends a letter (that Will doesn’t read, but Crawford does) that ends with the lines: “I wish you a speedy convalescence and hope you won’t be too ugly. I think of you often.”

I’ve said this many, many times in the past, but there’s a reason NBC Hannibal portrays Hannibal as in love with Will. I want to use Silence of the Lambs as an example. He talks very casually with Clarice for a little while, then abruptly: “How is Will Graham?”

For this one, I think I’ll just take a picture, because it amuses me.

Of course, Hannibal also brings up Alan and Frederick Chilton (I forgot to mention earlier, Freddy C.’s been here the whole goddamn time and had the gall to try and explain Hannibal Lecter to the man who caught Hannibal Lecter), but him bringing up Will has always been funny to me. His last letter to Will says “I hope you aren’t too ugly.” It’s been a few years now, and his question is basically: “Is Will ugly?” It is…

I mean, I understand on a cannibalistic-serial-killer-from-the-80s level that Hannibal wants Will to look a certain way because he likes the way Will looks. Not on a queer level at all, it’s probably moreso because he wants Will to fit his aesthetics. Like I said, he wants to spend time with Will, and part of that requires Will’s appearance to fit. It totally makes sense in a horror novel that a character would be creepily obsessed with appearance, and Hannibal’s insistence on Will was probably discomfiting to a lot of the readers at the time.

But on the other hand, Hannibal’s obsession with Will in the modern day is really funny. Like, he just needs to know. Tell the man what he wants to know, Starling. You know Will Graham, everyone knows Will Graham, come on, tell me. It’s incredibly amusing, especially the jump in their conversation from classical paintings to Will’s appearance.

Now, the correlation could be a few things. Hannibal could be implying that Will mocked him in some way and that his punishment would be the scarring of his face. But, that would make Hannibal have a bit of a god-complex, and that’s boring. Another option is that he found Will to be reminiscent of a man in a painting. Specifically, the man in the painting they’re talking about, which is a painting Hannibal did on the wall of his cell with crayons and magic marker (yes, that is what he said he used), which makes it kind of funny because wouldn’t that be like Hannibal painting Will on the wall? If the painting reminds him of Will, then he only painted it because he knew Chilton would get the wrong idea if he painted Will. Which, maybe he did paint Will! It’s not like Clarice knows what Will looks like, and Hannibal wouldn’t just tell her.

Anyway, as I’ve said countless times, Hannibal in the books is only a bit less obsessed with Will Graham than he is in the show. Why is he obsessed with Will? The show’s idea that Hannibal was in love with Will and didn’t realize it is a very clean answer. Even if one doesn’t believe that Hannibal Lecter has the capability to love, which I would argue against since it’s disputed in the books and the tv show, his obsession with Will, an obsession akin to love, that he himself doesn’t realize until it’s too late… that’s fun.

Why is Hannibal obsessed with Will in the books? I don’t know. Will thinks it’s because Hannibal wants him to be just like Hannibal, but I don’t know if I would be so hung up on a guy for multiple years who just will not come visit or commit murder. If the books ever off an alternative, I’ve not seen it.

But, I think Hannibal wants to kill Will. I think he is a bit upset that Will saw through him and turned him in, but he’s also fascinated that Will saw through him. Will is fascinating to him. Will is afraid of himself, and that’s fascinating too. Hannibal wants to kill Will, not out of hatred, but out of a sort of grudging respect. He wants to be the reason Will Graham dies. He wants to be there as Will Graham dies. Even when he sent a serial killer after Will, Hannibal didn’t doubt that Will would live. And he wants Will to live, until he can wrap his hands around Will’s throat and watch the life drain away.

All this to say, I still have more thoughts on the Hannibal tetralogy than I previously thought.

[padawansuggest]

I want to talk to people about my Harry Potter series (where Harry gets adopted by Bill and nothing bad happens -for at least a few years- and Bill is bi and Harry is too but Harry is also transfluid and everyone is an Actual Threat to JKRs existence) but I don’t wanna repopulate my HP blog cause I feel like y’all are so mean to the HP writers now like bitch she HATES ff and especially gay and trans ff and that’s all I’m doing and NONE of them are straight and Snape went to fucking therapy and Draco isn’t cocky in this AU because he has a specific magic ability that I haven’t revealed yet but it makes him sorta quiet and thoughtful around others cause he can’t stop dissecting their actions and also Neville is gonna be taken better care of too and Harry is half Indian so he’s also not white because I think that’s way better in all ways and everyone is gay and trans so like???? Obviously it’s superior to all canon ever, and I ain’t supporting the actual HP franchise cause ewwwwwwww, but like??? I just wanna talk to you guys about a chat Snape is gonna have with Blaise about using his extremely rare Veela magic to get Potter to think twice before he touches the next cursed object in sight and Snape can keep one more nerve maybe but it sorta just tumbles into puppy love because Harry is all ‘oh; prettiest person I have ever met wow’ and Blaise is like ‘huh… he’s kinda cute…’ and now they’re in love and instead Snape has to watch them mooning over each other and it’s cute to the readers but not him.

Anyways. I like this rarepair with a burning passion, I am falling back into the cringe to enact the Dark Veela trope and hand it to Blaise as a super mega rare male Veela (it’s already rare as a whole but him being a child of a full blood Veela but a boy is just wild it’s the highest Veela concentration a boy can have) and I’m legit considering making Draco get slightly obsessed with cousin Tonks and she’s all ‘you obviously aren’t a metamorph because you would have had uncontrollable powers before now’ and he’s all ‘BUT TRANSFIGURATION EXISTS IMMA LEARN IT’ and now he’s less of a brat because he keeps following Tonks around everywhere and it’s kinda funny. Neville is his new BFF and they’re so weird.

Idk man I’m like. I’m trying to make this as threatening to JKR as possible (WolfStar is real and they’re married and gonna survive the whole series don’t TEST me) but I still don’t really… wanna restart the HP blog… idk.

[livvyofthelake]

new lost ranking post the hurley episode i watched last night. episode 18? maybe. whatever

1. jack obviously. he’s never getting knocked off the top of the pyramid there’s literally nothing anyone else could do to make me like them more than jack…. nothing this show ever does will ever beat do no harm

2. sayid!!! his swag is like. so unbeatable… he just hits different AND he’s a total hottie too woah… loving his paranoid insane freak arc this season. the writers were like what if we killed his girlfriend and made him act insane. and i’m eating it up actually i mean i wish they hadn’t killed his girlfriend considering that was literally my good friend shannon who i miss deeply. but sayid is NOT moving on and i love it… need me a freak like that sorry

3. claire… maternity leave was HUGE… and that’s my friend belle she always ranks higher than she probably should because she’s my friend belle <3

4. hurleyyyyy :) my special little prince and i mean this… i’m such a hurley girl and yeah sure you can also chalk that up to the fact that hurley is the pet character of eddie and adam and i would love anything eddie and adam did forever and ever except that tron movie i could never quite get through watching. heart! anyway yeah i love hurley he’s my guy… hurley is so. me age 19 but different but the same. wow. if hurley could read some of my notes app poetry from 2020 he’d feel seen in a way that would motivate him to seek professional help. but let’s not get into that

5. ana lucia SORRY. she kinda sucks so fucking bad and yes she killed my beautiful girl shannon but that was only her fault as much as it’s a gun’s fault when someone uses it to kill someone. so i’ve never blamed her for that it’s just a bad situation which she will notttt be coming out on top of 😐. but i think she’s sooo cool in a woman who sucks way… and her cunty 2000s ass outfit is crazy… the black tank top and low rise bootcut jeans and chunky belt and zip up utility vest…. i’d dress up as her for halloween if i was the kind of person who dressed up for halloween or was willing to buy an ugly belt for a one wear costume. also her plot with sayid rn is soooo good they’re looking at each other just two paranoid FREAKS going. you aren’t crazy. and neither am i. let’s fucking kill these Others. it’s sooooo good… and she never makes the same mistake twice…

6. eko my good friend eko…. he’s so…. he’s just so kind… imagine having the patience and compassion to be nice to charlie right now. woah

7. kate. in her flop era rn and it’s DIRE. but we love her this is the highest i can put her right now i’m sorry girl you just can’t beat out eko and hurley and ana etc when you’re acting like this….

8. rose and bernard <3 soooooo excited for them next episode it’s not even funny… that’s literally rose and bernard….

9. libby. category five obsessed with that freak disease! she took one look at that loser hurley and was like he’s so fucking pathetic and weird. and i want him so bad. and i HAVE to respect her game. she said oh yeah i’m gonna talk him back from suicide and then it’s ON…

10. danielle rousseau… she literally slayed the house down in maternity leave… sorry queen for never including you in these lists before now my bad fr!

11. sun <3 she’s so. your girl friend who deserves way better but she’s so happy with her annoying and unlikeable man you can’t even tell her to dump his ass no matter how bad you want to

12. michael… where tf is michael… i miss him :(

13. new guy. i can’t very well call him henry now can i. wtf is his name… kinda like his pathetic gay swag. but he’s sooo annoying 🙄 and frankly i stand with sayid’s paranoid freak ass… but he’s kinda fun to have around i admit! love how he’s always playing mind games!!

14. locke admittedly has been slaying lately but i still think all his backstory episodes are lame and bad and also. as we say. an enemy of jack’s…

15. jin. he like. swings wildly between me hating him so bad i hope he dies and me thinking he’s soooo interesting and compelling and cool. the whole truth was a crazy episode in this way when it started i was like wow he needs to kill himself. and then by the end i was like woah why is he the most interesting man on lost island…. the way he literally can’t talk to anyone but sun as a physical storytelling metaphor for his closed off nature that prevents him from ever being truly known… wowie!

16. charlie. he’s flopping soooo hard this season. remember when charlie used to be a top five character. that’s crazy

17. sawyer. goes without explanation

[moonlightdancer26]

okay im getting brainrot about messy polycule sirius/james/lily/severus/remus where everyone is dating but also they’re best friends almost brothers but also they hate each other and cant be alone in a room but also they share a bed because they can’t sleep alone and they’re either kissing tenderly or fucking nasty and there is no middle ground. ever.

and we get this:

sirius, about severus, lily and remus: how dumb do they think we are?

james: they left us pictures of food instead of a shopping list

sirius and james then proceed to buy everything that’s not on the shopping list

This is so funny to me bc I basically just consider Marauders x Severus canon, their behaviour towards him was so fricking gay it’s insane (esp Sirius that guy was OBSESSED). I think the world would be a far more serene place if we were to erase the canon events in the Marauders-era and just write fanfics where they’re all just in love with each other

I think your idea would look something like this:

************

Lily: Come on, Sirius, stop being so negative! You know, when life gives you lemons-

Sirius: You throw them at Snape

***later that night***

Sirius, drunk: Snape has such pretty eyes, I love him

Lily:

Severus, who’s sitting right next to her:

Sirius: Don’t tell him, okay?

Lily: I won’t

************

Severus: Everywhere I look, BAM! There’s Sirius

Remus: ..that’s because we all sleep in the same bed

************

Lily: What’s up with you and Sev?

Remus: What do you mean?

Lily: You two have been nice and helpful to each other all day. What’s your game?

************

Sirius: Oh, come on! How many times do I have to apologise?!

James: Once!

Sirius:

Sirius: No.

************

James: No, no, no. Let’s not sugarcoat this. You find me finicky, insubordinate, and irritating.

Lily: No, he doesn’t, James! Don’t be silly

Severus: I have actually used those words before... in that exact order.

************

Severus: What are you doing?

Sirius: Helping Moony find the chocolate I stole an hour ago.

************

Sirius: Oi, can you pass me the salt?

Lily: No.

Lily: You didn’t say please.

Sirius: Can you please pass me the salt?

Lily: No.

************

James: Merlin, right now I feel like I might never get angry again!

Severus: We go to Hogwarts, there’s always a reason to be angry.

************

James: I’m sick of being such a big loser.

Sirius, faking sympathy: Aw Prongs, you’re not big.

(Sirius is like a centimetre taller than him and never shuts up about it)

************

Sirius: I’m an idiot.

Remus:

Severus:

James:

Lily:

Remus: If you’re waiting for us to disagree with you, this is going to be a long day.

[rainiishowers]

Obey Me Incorrect Quotes

Some ships ones here and there, mostly MC ones --- Belphegor: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations. - Diavolo: Knock, knock! Barbatos, sighing: Who's there? Diavolo: Boo! Barbatos: Boo who? Diavolo: Why are you crying? Barbatos: I'm not crying. Diavolo: Hello not crying, I'm Diavolo :D -

Lucifer: Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment? Mammon: They're golden retrievers. They retrieve gold. I did this for us. - Lucifer: Lord Diavolo, no Diavolo: Lord Diavolo, yes - Mammon: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it. Barbatos: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side. Belphegor: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE! - Asmodeus: *is hugging MC* Leviathan: Hey! It's my turn to hug MC!! *Grabs them* Mammon: *kicking down the door* What do you mean, "yOuR tUrN"? We agreed now it’s my time slot! Asmodeus: No, It's still my turn! MC: *suffocating* Guys, I love you, but just because I'm the human doesn't mean you can be hugging me constantly! Asmodeus: But we need the moral support! Mammon: And you're a human! Which is cute! Leviathan: If I don't hug you right now I think the depression will kick in and my body will stop functioning. - Diavolo: I wasn’t that drunk. Barbatos: You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important. Diavolo: BECAUSE YOU ARE! - MC: So you like cats? Satan: I love them! MC: *tries to impress him by slowly pushing a glass off the table* - Luke, trying his first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY! Lucifer, an avid coffee drinker, on his twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds. - MC: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Lucifer is walking in this room. Belphegor: *wheeze* - Mammon: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t? (Someone get this man therapy, get them all some therapy) - Lucifer: New challenge! Don't say stupid shit for 24 hours! - Leviathan: How are you still alive?! MC: Honestly, I’m just as surprised as you are. - Simeon: What is the one thing I told you not to do? Solomon: Burn the house down. Simeon: And what did you do? Solomon: I made dinner! Simeon: Solomon: Simeon: Solomon: And burnt the house down. - Satan: Ha! Don't you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper? Satan: Satan: I must be losing it, I'm quoting Lucifer. - MC: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it. Simeon: ...What happened? MC: I made a VERY bad mistake. - Diavolo: *reading a recipe* Beat three eggs?  MC: It means like in, hand-to-hand combat.  Diavolo, playing along: Ohhhhh Barbatos, exasperated: Both of you get out of this kitchen.  - Mammon: I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke. Mammon: *Puts on sunglasses and does finger guns* - MC: I’m going to hell. Solomon: Probably. MC: I'll pick you up? Solomon, nodding: Carpool. - *When D.D.D’s were first made in the Devildom* Diavolo,looking at a dead D.D.D: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? - MC: Fight me! Mammon, standing behind them in demon form: *mouths* Do not. - Mammon: We’re getting married, bitches! MC: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem. - Lucifer I hardly slept last night Satan: When you can’t sleep, it means someone is thinking about you. Someone who loves you, surprisingly Lucifer: Who would be thinking about me at 3 a.m.? Diavolo: *gay panic* - Luke: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Asmodeus:  Asmodeus: I'm gonna tell him. Simeon: Don't you dare. Asmodeus: What? It's not like I'm telling them about secret relationship, or anything- Luke: Your secret what? Simeon: Nothing! - MC: Wait, what just happened? Mammon: I don’t know. I think Lucifer’s not used to feeling emotions. Maybe it was too much for them. Lucifer, far away: Shut up! -

[toxicsludgeyaoi]

Toxic Sludge Yaoi Tournament: Montgomery/Ralph (Fame 1980) Vs Nijocest (Argonavis) Vs Narrator/Tyler Durden (Fight Club)

(No images provided for Fame 1980 and Fight Club. Vote for whichever one you like more. Only one will proceed.)

Propaganda under cut. Note: spoilers for these medias may be below.

Montgomery/Ralph propaganda

"Montgomery is rather in love with Ralph, but Ralph just wants to be a famous comedian, and is incredibly self-destructive along the way. He also uses Montgomery to give him pills from his psychoanalyst (who Montgomery is in love with) and at one point Ralph kicks Montgomery out of his own apartment to make out with their mutual friend after Ralph has a breakdown. Ralph and Montgomery do kiss at one point, after an incredibly homoerotic pep talk."

Nijocest propaganda

"Kanata and Haruka's parents basically always compared Haruka unfavorably to Kanata because of Kanata's musical talent, but Kanata thought his twin was The Hottest Shit Ever, which mutated into obsessive posessiveness. As of now in the canon (they've just soft rebooted it) Kanata has been driving every single one of Haruka's friends away from him and trying to take over his interests, all in the means of "protecting him" because other people will always abandon him, it's not his fault that being constantly emotionally abused by his twin brother is driving him kind of insane and making him come across as a crazy person, but that's okay, Kanata's always there for him, the only thing that Haruka ever needs in his life, he knows he's kind of inherently unlovable but that's what brothers are for, right? They should win because they're both a hot-ass incest ship while also being a viscerally realistic depiction of abuse. I love them so fucking much."

Tyler Durden/Narrator propaganda

"Where to begin? They’re literally the archetypal toxic yaoi. That burning kiss on the back of the hand, the starting a cult, the getting a whole load of guys to try to destroy the world. The Narrator has no identity, and Tyler Durden is everything, consuming the Narrator completely. They deserve to win. To finish this off, a few quotes from the Narrator about his relationship with Tyler: “I love everything about Tyler Durden, his courage and his smarts. His nerve. Tyler is funny and charming and forceful and independent, and men look up to him and expect him to change their world. Tyler is capable and free, and I am not.” “We have sort of a triangle thing going here. I want Tyler. Tyler wants Marla. Marla wants me. I don’t want Marla, and Tyler doesn’t want me around, not anymore. This isn’t about love as in caring. This is about property as in ownership.” “Tyler tilts the can of lye an inch above the shining wet kiss on the back of my hand. “This is a chemical burn,” Tyler says, “and it will hurt worse than you’ve ever been burned. Worse than a hundred cigarettes.”” And another quote from the author: “On a plane back to Portland, an airline flight attendant leaned close and asked me to tell him the truth. His theory was the book wasn’t really about fighting at all. He insisted it was really about gay men watching one another fuck in public steambaths. I told him, yeah, what the hell.”"

[5ammi90]

Episode 4

Whoops. Boys, public place. Keep it pg. Sarah just got an eye full.

Take 2. Nope. Oh god. He’s using dead grandma’s throw to hide his boner. 🤣🤣.

Take 3. Supply closet. Wait, isn’t that Lake and Felix’s spot. Yes it is. Whoops. Felix touched Benji’s butt. 🤣🤣 apparently it’s identical to Lake’s. This is my favourite episode, this peak comedy. Lake and Benji just checked out each other’s butt. 🤣🤣 I don’t know if she meant it was a huge compliment her butt being compared to his or if she meant he should take as a huge compliment his being compared to hers. Either this is funny as fuck and I love it. Now they are bonding over the fact that they can’t find somewhere for “private time”. This friend group kills me. Ooooooo a cabin.

Benji and Lake friendship is brilliant. “Butt twin”. Yes Lake. Felix, don’t say that and never say that again.

Oh he made you a scone, nice Tyler. Lake no. Don’t invite Mia. Wait, when did Andrew and Lucy get invited.

Oh shit. Victor be very careful how you word and ask this because it could be terrible. Shit nevermind. Go Mando. Shut up Isa. Adrian, that won’t happen babe. Thanks Pilar. There was so much shade in that sentence Isa.

Uh oh. Victor is freaking, wants advice from Simon and there is no service. Benji, I think you forgot to tell us something. Dang no service or WiFi. Good luck Victor. Oop wait Benji is shirtless Victor is distracted. Nope. Boy be panicking.

Tyler and Mia broke down and Lake has no service or WiFi. Wow Tyler you are, he is serious. Oh my god.

Isa there is no good cop, bad cop. How do you lose a turtle???

Andrew and Lucy have arrived. Victor is still freaking the hell out and Felix is failing at seducing Lake. Benji is concerned about Victor. He is terrible at hiding his emotions. (Victor). General store has service. Run Victor. (And Felix apparently).

Best friends are worried. No she is. She’s just unsure. Yes he’s very stressed Felix. Victor, Benji has done this before, you’ll be fine. Panic calling the gay guru. Felix, don’t listen to Andrew but kinda listen to part of what he’s saying. Oh dear god no. Don’t listen to that part. Andrew got vodka. Smart man. Although Victor, I don’t think Benji is gonna go for that.

Yay underage drinking. Oh great drinking games. Lake stop being obsessed with getting Benji naked. Chill. They all just stared at her. ‘Never have I ever’ it is. Benji what the fuck. What does your mailman look like. Benji god damn. You are scarring Victor with your experience, Victor chill, that means you don’t have to be super stressed. Victor has fled. Hi Mia. Oh dear god. It’s okay Mia. Um slow girl slow.

Hey look he got service. No wait that’s a concussion. Well done Victor. Nope wait no just a cut over his eyebrow. Hi Felix. Wait, Felix, that blood on a towel. What have you done to yourself. Conditioner. Oh Felix. You two are hopeless.

Please explain to your girlfriend that you are stupid. That’s not what I said. There you go. Yeah sit him down Lake. Oh she has her own body image issues. Thanks Lake’s mum, we hate you. Glad you guys communicated. Proud of you.

Oh no Lucy. They’re just friends, I swear.

Yeah Benji you tell him. Victor TALK TO HIM. Thank you. Benji, help this idiot.

Oh god Lake wait. That water, his cuts. Boy is gonna get an infection. Skinny dipping is definitely stupid. Don’t know bout fun but go off. Oh wait apparently the water feels good.

Isa, Mando. No. Found the turtle.

They had sex outside. Well damn Felix. On a Lake. Lol.

Oh that’s, okay. We’ve said three words. Well done Victor.

[aqueeracademic]

morse being queer (and other commentary) pt 12:

season 3, episode 4, “Coda”:

- opening with a funeral

- how very camp

- morse taking his lil test 🥰

- morse is such a know it all im obsessed with him

- “only in oxford”

- last time i checked there’s porn everywhere babe

- thursday insinuating they’re gay just to piss them off is so….

- i guess we can’t all be perfect

- also strange is so casually badass i’m fully obsessed with him

- the coughing thing is so embarrassing 😐

- debryn thinking morse is talking about nature studies when he says “stag films”

- he’s so 🥺🥺

- debryn always gives morse a well needed reality check and i respect him sm for it

- i, too, would stare at morse for an entire concert if the opportunity presented itself

- “come and see me”

- morse’s face immediately looks panicked and blushy he’s so embarrassing 🙄

- sam leaving 😭😭😭🔫🔫🔫

- morse is always so flabbergasted by how thursday does business

- “i was frightened for the most part.” “of what?” “of being found out. being found wanting.”

- that’s gay! in case you were confused. it’s gay

- this professor is so weird 😐

- i don’t like him at all! and i don’t like that hes using morse’s previous trauma to guilt him into investigating his wife

- thursday getting suspended for police brutality is… not something i can be all that upset about

- like sucks but 🤷‍♀️

- that’s how it goes

- he needs to rest his cough anyway tbh

- trewlove is SO CUTE I AM OBSESSED

- morse awkwardly whipping out the word bird to really trick the bingo guy into talking to him is so funny to me

- he’s like “the uh… 🤢 b-bird.”

- take a BREATH morse

- i refuse to believe that “spotted dick” is a real thing in the UK

- y’all gotta know how that sounds

- morse is so terrible with women i hate him 😀

- “a fellow must have the latest this or that to impress the ladies” and morse being like 😬

- it’s so gay

- joan being like “you’re right, it’s not your place to say.” and then morse being like 😮 is real!

- “let it go, for your own good.” “that’s rich, coming from you.”

- i HATE THIS DAMN PROFESSOR

- people don’t ever let morse just suffer in peace

- i just spilled water all over myself and missed his entire conversation w that other professor but i’m not gonna rewind we r just gonna live w it

- strange is… getting gradually less cool the longer the show goes on

- like i need him to calm down.

- i know he’s above morse now but he is so like… determined to be perceived as above him it’s uncomfortable

- and beating someone up RIGHT AFTER thursday gets suspended???? let’s get it together

- thursday is incapable of taking critique from morse and i don’t understand why

- he’s RIGHT and you should listen to him

- “morse? people will say we’re in love.”

- that professor is so fucking funny

- also clocked morse as a lil 💅 right away

- bank robbery is so crazy

- not all the main characters being directly affected!!

- bright moves SO DAMN QUICK when strange comes in i love him

- HOLY SHIT

- trewlove’s partner getting shot is so crazy to me she cannot catch a break

- morse is a lot braver than people give him credit for

- he straight up called an ARMED ROBBER stupid without hesitation

- i love him

- morse casually solving an entirely separate case during the robbery is wild

- trewlove 🥺🥺🥺

- winnie 🥺🥺🥺

- bright keeping that gun is something that can be so personal

- this guy is a FUCKING snitch

- a snitch.

- and i can’t stand him!

- debryn pulling up fully prepared to tend to bodies is so sick.

- joan is a RIDE OR DIE TYPE BITCH

- ok he didn’t deserve to die just for snitching but like…. the line “i don’t like liars but i hate a grass” is SO ICONIC

- joan’s reaction to the leader telling his little crony to put morse down is wild

- the way she closes her eyes 🫤🫤🫤

- final straw!

- lowkey thursdays voice….

- just kidding!

- no i’m not.

- coughing up a bullet?

- thursday is the coldest man alive.

- the way my MOM JUST SAID “yeah, you wanna be a hero by selling somebody else out. asshole. he’s a coward.”

- she gets it!

- strange is a ride or die ass bitch and i respect that even if i don’t like him rn

- morse holding joan when the guy blows the lock off 🫤🫤🫤

- i love them

- i don’t ship it!

- but i love them

- “the chambers empty! and he’s too stupid to count to six!”

- morse is so………..

- thursday needs to get his act together 😐

- like u fr gonna murder someone in front of ur daughter??

- THERE WAS A BULLET LEFT??????

- i hate morse

- hes so self sacrificing

- no way he j goes back to his job after all that

- he’s so filled with fear all the time i just need him to breathe

- “love, morse. imagine that.”

- he’s so disrespectful i hate him

- oh my god morse is so fine

- he has NO BUSINESS sitting in that chair like that

- morse realizing he loves her is something that makes me so violent

- i hate him

- i mean i have never related to a fictional character more in my life

- but i hate him

- this MAROON PULL OVER

- he knows he looks good

- “just give it a chance” = “just give me a chance”

- “you mean the world to them. you mean the world…”

- and then being UNABLE TO SAY IT??????????? i’m so fucking sick

- her reaching up to hold his face and him feeling a little hopeful only for it to be her checking his wound

- listen:

- i talk all day about morse being queer and how much he likes men and how he should end up with a man but like

- joan is the second person this SEASON to leave him

- the second person he loves who leaves him in the span of a few months

- he lost jakes in the spring and joan in the fall and he’s all alone for winter 🫤

- so whatever i think about his sexuality isn’t important because either way he KEEPS getting left alone by people he loves and, not only is it important to his character, it fucking HURTS

- and i love him.

[boypussydilf]

ok ur choice between homumiko or asoryuu (...or both??????) for the bingos GO

ABSOLUTELY BOTH!!!!!! LETS GOOOOOOO asoryuu first

OH RIGHT EVEN WHEN UR NOT MAKING AN IMAGE POST TUMBLR PUTS THE IMAGES, LIKE, NEXT TO EACH OTHER SOMETIMES. thats gonna make this post a LOT more tolerable !!!!

I don’t actuslly think “divorced” describes anything they have going on accurately at ALL, there’s just a lot of asoryuu divorce jokes and i think divorce is funny so I nod along, but they’re not divorced. I never talk about them ever but no one misunderstand: they are fucking everything. They’re incredible. Bromance of all time but without the romance (but with the romance). They cant be divorced bc they weren’t together and like not in a “characters who have never been married but are still somehow divorced” way theyre just more like. They got to the Awkward In Between Spot where neither of u is sure if this is like, romantic or not, or what you’re gonna do about it, or anything, and then they’ve just been stuck there for a year and are going to continue to be stuck there for a long time I feel bad for them. They’re really gay though “I dont trust myself so here take this, the sword that is a metaphor for my soul” Stop being gay in public…

FUCK I MEANT TO CIRCLE GAY AF TO HAVE A SWORN RIVAL !!!!!!!!!!! They’re not Sworn Rivals by any means? They’re not even really Rivals on a temporary basis? But also they kind of are. You get it. Right? You get it. It’s their vibes. Nothing about this is a rivalry, it’s just a defense attorney/prosecutor ship and also they’re two guys who go in really hard on the competition with each other which isn’t really anything special in itself lots of people are competitive for fun w close friends but. Idk. They’re doing something and they’re so funny. Asougi saw ryuu and went “what a LOSER” and then the guy Was Better At Talking Then Him and asougi went “i adore this man. I would give up my lifelong dream for his sake.” Kazuma asougi is like that stereotypical late teens girl whos like i DONT CARE that i just met him a week ago were getting MARRIED . asougi went This guy is not cool at ALL and also ive known him for One Year and also ill do almost anything for him. No talking stage mutual obsession and we see god in each others eyes or nothing.

I like asoryuu they are funny. Asougi may bully ryuu on purpose, but ryuu will always get the upper hand completely unintentionally via something dumb. Ok homo miku time

i debated on the “terrible in every way” thing but they do deserve to be called that what with all the. lying to people. guys do you. know ways to navigate difficult situations that arent just *hides information and then is evasive about it* *lies outright about something very major* Guys…………

homo of miko. Mikotoba tried to fix him Once and then went whatevers wrong with him is way funnier & sherlock actively made him worse. But its ok bc their worst crime is being annoying in public. also several dozen counts of breaking and entering.

related topic obsessed w the fact that , like. the only reasonable conclusion to draw abt The Finding-Jigoku Scene. THE Homumiko Scene. is that this is an accurate representation of What They & Their Investigations Were Like, Like, All The Time. mikotoba pulls the ONLY PULL IN VERY DRASTIC EMERGENCIES OR WE FUCKIGN EXPLODE YOU alarm & sherlockjust picks a lock so they can break in & then they fucking dance and insult each other i guess. Gregsons ghost is there screaming something about “lower me into my coffin so you can let me down one last time”. They are 1. silly 2. absolutely taking this seriously but fundamentally do not act like it 3. Breaking the law. Great Job!!!!!!!! I want to see 50 more hours of this. I want to see other characters’ impressions of Them As A Duo so bad. Like ok. again: mikotoba is so funny when u think abt it . absolute professional. regular seeming guy. even comes across as serious or stoic to some people. And then. *gestures to the above*. I just had the words gap moe pop into my head i am going to fucking throw up. Anyway. I just think it’s funnh to imagine some shit like. dr sithe- Oooh there are too many ways this sentence can end. *grabby hands* capcom give us the courtney sithe lore. Okay okay order of events. sithe is working at the same hospital where mikotoba is working & where sherlock moreso just kind of shows up to dick around with chemistry experiments. she knows mikotoba as a good respectable doctor who takes his work very seriously. she knows sherlock as an insane idiot who keeps burning himself. apparently they are living together. well rents high and mikotoba just moved here & hasnt been exposed to the insane idiot so much thats understandable. She sees them on a case. Mikotoba breaks into someones house through the window. And also they dance. She has to continue working with this man.

I don’t know if the timeline adds up in a way where sithe wouldve even been working @ that hospital when mikotoba First got there but you get the IDEA ANYWAY. on a note thats only related in my brain eberyone should read arthur conan doyles a study in scarlet but just the like, first 2 chapters, just to be amused by sherlock holmes. i got sidetracked there maybe lets go back to talking about homumiko.

Sorry to bring this up for th first time w them when it also very much applies to asoryuu but as we all know dgs2 was so fucked up for ending w “and then everyone is separated <3” Insanity. OKAY. okay. OKAY. OKAY. *once again wheels out the giant conspiracy board in my brain where all the homumiko information is stored* they both. like. mikotoba says he never expected to be able to go to britain again & sherlock is like Wow i never thought id be solving mysteries like this with you again!! Ever!!! In my life!!!! and i wont go on the other connected rant abt shit like mikotoba saying “our home” and themjust picking up like nothing has changed bc i think i already did that and also thats not the point i just . like . WHATS GOING ON WITH THEM !!!!!!!!! “WOW! AFTER 10 YEARS I GOT TO SEE YOU FOR LIKE. A WEEK. OK BYE FOREVER <3” HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!! *SHAKES THEM*ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS? ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THIS? “MY CLOSEST FRIEND MY PARTNER MY OTHER HALF. I LOVE GETTING A LETTER A MONTH FOREVER” SCREAM !!!!!!!!!!! this is a fucked up decision. I’m normal.

*blinks like someone who just got woken up at 7pm* i dont know how fucking lomg ive been. writing this post. It seems to have gotten out of hand. i like homumiko. makes them sillyguys makes them halves of a whole makes them . uhhh. gay. *clinks glass* Heres to them impulse adopting many more children !!!!! HAS YUUJIN MIKOTOBA EVER MET GINA

[sexyminion]

Ok fuck it let me ramble stobotnik (stoneman??) in the Sonic boom canon AU. Under a cut because it’s extremely fucking stupid

Ok since jimbotnik and boom eggman are pretty dissimilar because the tone and themes of the movie vs that canon are pretty different, I’m tweaking the ship dynamic AND Stone’s character pretty drastically. So this is basically….a half step separated from an OC/canon ship.

Boom is a Bad Comedy first and Sonic media second, so the dynamic I’ve landed on that I think is MOST funny? They’re exes. Divorced. Agent Stone is Eggman’s ex husband.

So instead of ever being an assistant, Stone is actually more of a peer/rival villain. I’m thinking they met in grad school for evil or something. He ALSO is a robotics guy but with a different style. All his robots are elegant and sleek and modern, because style and presentation are very important! None of the clunky, retro sci fi style that eggman likes. I’m thinking they’ve gotta have coffee motifs too, because he’s a scientist but a barista and latte artist at heart. Like.. idk a milk steamer that kills you? Espresso that shoots out and melts you like acid?? Coffee bean machine gun??

For his personality, I want to crank up the silliness factor up to 11, because that’s the case with the other characters.. So I’m leaning into the “possessive/obsessive” trait we get a taste of in the movie and we latch on to in fanon. So… he’s a total STALKER. Outwardly he is very friendly and comes off as nice and calm and level headed. But he’s actually totally nuts about eggman. Stone digs up every piece of personal information on him that he can and knows EVERY aspect of his life and history. Eggman was flattered by this when they were younger, but eventually realizes stone is Quite Fucked Up (stone reads his mail, knows his mothers maiden name and social security number, installs hidden cameras everywhere, tries to kill any man who even LOOKS at eggman, doesn’t let eggman out of his site for more than a second). they have an extremely dramatic falling out. years later after they’re split up, eggman is VERY grouchy and filled with contempt at the thought of stone.

So more on the ship dynamic. Stone is very much in cheerful denial that they’re divorced. Like “that’s just a document it’s not important.” He will randomly show up for plot reasons as the Character of the Day at eggmans island fortress like “Did you miss me? :)” (“Yeah, but my aims getting better”). He is much more outwardly pleasant than eggman and most characters are confused why eggman calls him “the devil incarnate”. The dumbest aspect is that every time stone shows back up, eggman bitches and grumbles but EVERY TIME stone wins him over again and makes him fall back in love. It’s a total 180, “I don’t know why we ever split up, why don’t you stay here from now on? We can turn cubot and orbots room into a cafe! They can live outside.” However due to the rules of comedy show, it always goes to shit and usually ends up with a giant evil robot duel. So basically.. they’re on again off again ex husbands.

Some random other character musings:

- he’s still an agent from some sort of… agency. eggman would call him a “lapdog” for it but in reality he’s jealous that whoever stone works for doesn’t want his inventions instead. he has a very men in black aesthetic going on

-he gets along very well with Amy, because they’re both hopeless romantics with an appreciation for style

- sticks HATES his ass SO MUCH. Sonic and tails are just kind of annoyed to have to be occasionally bombarded with the saga of eggman’s romantic life. Knuckles gets an extremely stupid line about not knowing gay divorce was legal

I’m definitely gonna add to this and TRY to draw a character design but there ya go lmfao

[butchford]

Okay give us your detailed thoughts on your favorite ships in DR

Alrighty so to nobody’s surprise I’ll start with komahina because oauoaugoughaough…. Besties worsties boyfriends even… their dynamic is silly funny deep uncategorizable pull towards one another that even after everything cannot be shaken. Obsessed with the parallel of Hajime waking up on the beach with Nagito standing above him vs Nagito waking up and Hajime helping them out of their pod. Like. Augh…. Hajime routinely attempts to understand them and feels a notable absence after their death & even says “good or bad it was still Nagito and they’re gone now” like auouaugh.. Nagito who routinely compliments the ultimates on their talents & doesn’t know Hajime’s for Obvious Reasons still routinely comments on how kind he is… the line of “I’m happy you’re asking someone like me but I have other things I need to do. So don’t worry about me, have fun spending time with the others” after being all around dismissive of literally every one else remaining after reading The File. Christ. And the not one but two confessions…. Despair Disease got them acting gay as fuck. Like ouaough… and the initial friendship with Hajime cycling back in the end with really agreeing to try to become friends & the literal hand hold. Like they kinda sorta mean the world to each other whether or not they want to and in the end they come to something adjacent to terms with it. Some Guy x Weirdest Motherfucker You’ve Ever Met. The “i care about you jackass” of it all. Peace & love on earth.

Kuzuhina… Some Guy catches the eye of Ultimate Yakuza like off to a great start already. The way they slowly grow closer together over the course of the game and Fuyuhiko ends up genuinely fond of Hajime is soooo good.

Pekobuki…. They be holding hands chillin… stoic girl x average silly goofy enjoyer.. I think Peko should have gf & their dynamic is Something.

Sondham got that weirdo4weirdo swag obsessed with them genuinely and truly. They take turns infodumping I know this for a fact.

Chiaki & nearly every girl on the island have Something going on. <3

Celesgiri…. Detective/gambler… straight up holding hands before her execution sure was a Choice I love gay people

Hinanami ough godgodgod. Their final free time event just being them not knowing what to do and ending with them just chasing after each other on the beach… Hajime’s refusal to believe she’s the traitor… the whole heartfelt exchange in the void… and their friendship at hopes peak… AUGH.

Naegirigami so good… two more emotionally distant people warming up to Mr Ultimate Hope… hopping into the pit for him vs “tell them Naegi” oh they’re Something

Komanami (platonic) I think they’re in a qpr like augh hashtag autism4autism. They’re licherally besties and then some like the way they’re close in the dr3 anime & the way Chiaki always gave them the benefit of the doubt when warranted the two of them partnering up in chapter four Chiaki slapping Akane when she strangled them like. They both view the world through specific lenses ie video games vs cycles #autism like they understand each other at the very least on that level. They care about each other deeply hope this helps <3

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #3

My last two Adventures in Aphobia both took on similar flavors of eye-rolling at shameless, obvious bigotry to anyone willing to look or care. But today, I found a different type of aphobia, and I’m actually eager to talk about this one. Have a read of this first.

Look, the bar of respect for ace people is so low it’s all the way in hell, but I mean, to many people, especially allosexual people, they may look at this post and think, “No, this isn’t aphobia. The poster wasn’t blatantly cruel.” But what some fail to realize is that politeness can be the thinnest of veils over the ugliest of takes. Polite bigotry gaslights the victims into thinking they can’t be upset about this.

So what’s the deal with this post?

PARAGRAPH #1 starts off innocently enough, saying ace discourse wouldn’t exist if people recognized complex relationships to sex and relationships. Even taken on its own, I do not agree with this. Ace discourse ranges all the way from outright denial of asexual existence to the strong hatred for and exclusion of aces from the queer community. Nearly everyone recognizes people have complex relationships to sex...that...that doesn’t mean ace people won’t be discriminated against. In fact, it’s an argument aphobes use constantly to try and gaslight ace people into erasing themselves. Ace discourse comes from a lot of places, but at the end of the day, it all stems from people’s refusal to acknowledge ace people and their unique experiences. This poster absolutely does not get to say “IT’s CoMpLicAteD”, and expect ace people to just disappear. Honestly, it’d be better and more honest if they said “Lol, ace people should go fuck themselves and hop to the back of the line with everyone else.”

PARAGRAPH #2 and #3 are not very objectionable on their own. Everything said is true. Society has very complicated views on sex, and life happens to all people. The ugly part of this is that the poster is setting up an argument here in which they will hand wave ace people into the “everyone else” crowd and pretend as if we’re all just too similar and no labels should even exist.

This is literally what enby-phobes do. They say “Well, gender is COMPLICATED”, which is true, but then they say “So like...aren’t we all really nonbinary when we think about it? Why should enby people label themselves?” I swear we’ve all seen this. The poster is agender. This argument could easily be whipped in their face. Different forms of bigotry can share very clear overlaps, and it’s very important to acknowledge where these arguments come from and why they exist. It exists as a way to shut people up. It happens to bi people too! Every day, people come out as bi and someone tells them “pff, everyone thinks girls are hot. I had a crush on my best friend once, that doesn’t mean I’m not straight! All people are like this!” Let’s call out this erasure where we see it. It’s not the same thing, and if anyone saying stuff like this truly believes what they’re saying, maybe they’re the ones who need to reevaluate their own identity.

PARAGRAPH #4 dips its ugly toes straight into blatant aphobia, having the gall to call ace and aro people “obsessed” with pretending their relationships with sex and romance are wholly unique and different. Nah, fuck right off with that bullshit. The poster even goes on to say ace people have created entire new social classes. Uh...WHAT? Is there some secret ace society with a caste system living in the shadows?? What is this person talking about?? I suppose you can’t be a true bigot unless you have some vague grievance to weakly hand-gesture at that you couldn’t prove given 20 years to do so. For the love of my sanity, just say you hate ace people! It’s okay! (I mean, not actually, but Jesus Christ does it save us all some time). They also say things like “somehow excluded from”. Replace asexual people with nonbinary people and take a joyride through this section, because the arguments are scarily similar. What would it take for this poster to acknowledge ace and aro people have their own experiences? Seriously, what? What holds you back from doing this?

It’s also funny to note the actual lack of substance to this argument. The poster is not giving any specific examples or even bringing up what being ace and aro mean. Yes, there is a pretty noticeable difference between feeling sexual attraction and not feeling sexual attraction. How many “allo” people do you know that say they’ve NEVER experienced this? Come on. The poster reduces asexuality and aromanticism down to allo people’s, in their own words, hyper-specific contexts where they don’t want sex or love. At least the poster admits any circumstance that allo people are comparable to ace people are extremely specific. But for real, are we hinging a whole argument on a few very specific examples of allo people having some similarity to ace people?

“Nothing about your relationship to sex or love makes you more or less LGBT. If you are gay and don’t want to have sex, ever, you are still gay. “

Mini strawman alert for the idea any ace person thinks you’re less gay if you’re also ace. And bonus points for an aphobe who refuses to use the definition of asexuality: not experiencing sexual attraction, and instead goes for “don’t want to have sex”. For the last. Fucking. Time. Not wanting to have sex and being asexual are NOT the same. Don’t make me pour gasoline in my eyes every time I see this.

After this, the poster goes on a tangent, which by the tone, seems to think it's very inspiring, and says no matter how you want to have sex (including only certain days of the week), you’re still straight! It’s so fucking condescending and gross to talk ace people out of their own identity like this.

“EVERY person who is heterosexual is different in how they perform or experience.”

Oh. My. GOD. THEY DIDN’T EVEN SAY STRAIGHT. THEY SAID HETEROSEXUAL. WUGGYUEGYUG. God help me. Can one be both bisexual and heterosexual? No…? Okay. So then. How is one both asexual AND heterosexual? What single brain cell in this poster’s head was responsible for this Chad of a sentence? I—

*deep breath* 

So. It’s interesting how the poster says “perform or experience it”. Asexuality is an identity. It is not a performance, and it is not defined by your actions. A straight person not having sex does not become asexual. And sure...people with the same label can experience their sexuality differently, but...to a point, guys. You can’t experience your sexuality out of the DEFINITION of the label. Heterosexual: Sexual attraction to the opposite gender. Asexual: Sexual attraction to no one. If a “heterosexual” isn’t sexually attracted to anyone, they are by definition, not heterosexual. It takes insane mental gymnastics to make this argument, so A for flexibility, I guess? 

“Gayness, straightness, and bisexuality are not defined by HOW you do or don’t want sex or HOW you do or don’t want to date, it’s just defined by WHO you want to be with.”

The first part of the sentence is correct, but it also defeats this person’s entire argument. Ace people AGREE with this. Being asexual is not the act of not having sex!! It’s not experiencing sexual attraction! You can google this! The second part of the sentence is mostly correct, depending on your interpretation. The issue is in part with the words the poster used: gayness, straightness and bisexuality. These words are not all equivalents. Gay could refer to sexual and or romantic orientation. Thus an ace gay person. Straightness is not actually an equal word to gayness. This is because straight is an exclusive term for a normative sexuality (in society’s eyes) in terms of sexual and romantic attraction. Some ace people DO call themselves straight, though it’s inaccurate. Ace people can be heteroromantic, but because being straight is so exclusive, you need to be both sexually AND romantically attracted to only the opposite gender.

The post basically ends telling ace people they’re all actually straight and were just confused the whole time. Lovely. And an erasure of gay aces too! Believe it or not, gay ace people do not like having their ace identities erased. Who’d have guessed?

Honestly, if anything this post is just kind of sad. A sad reflection of what people believe and how they truly do not see their own bigotry. They believe they’re freeing ace people from an incorrect label. They’re the heroes.

They’ll say “it’s okay, you’re not asexual” as if they've like...lifted a burden off of ace people. Like, “Oh, you think I’m not asexual? Cool, cool. Glad you cleared that up for me!” It’s sad how aphobes think, some very genuinely, that asexuality is just some high school party that went off the rails, and we’re all just coming out of the drunken haze, ready to go home. Ready to all laugh about it later, tease one another about how wild and silly it all was. 

Having your identity erased like this is fucking horrible, and I hope people like this can take a look in the mirror and see themselves clearly. All ace and aro people have a right to their identity, whether gay, bi, heteroromantic or anything else. End of story.

[transsexualhamlet]

alright it’s time for as requested part two of rowan reads the original sherlock holmes and compares it to yuumori

i finished a study in scarlet and holy shit was yuumori accurate to it

obviously they changed the case so that... well, moriarty was involved, and they didn’t go into detail on why drebber was an a-grade piece of shit (lol i wasn’t expecting the mormons but it was a great perspective actually doyle went big brain time on that one lmao) 

Hmmm i mean the other main difference is that Watson Is Gayer In The Original but yeah obviously that’s for a reason and the reason is william james moriarty

I have some highlights of “oh my god I need to see yuumori sherlock do this right now because he Absolutely Would” and they’re WILD

So yuh here are your Sherlock Moments

-when watson asks stamford why he might not want to board with sherlock bestie went “he’s a little queer” and watson was basically like “i like that in a man :)” like i am Fully Aware that’s not what queer meant back then but it’s FUNNY alright

-stamford is also like “yeah i mean he’s the kind of guy who would probably perform human experiments on his friends without telling them”

-watson walks into sherlock’s lab like hello new roommate :) and the dude immediately starts SCREAMING

-he’s all I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT LOOK and fucking stabs himself and drips the blood in a container, yeah yeah it makes a reaction and he’s like I AM GOING TO SOLVE ALL CRIMES EVER ACTUALLY wait who are you

-SHERLOCK THEN PROCEEDS TO SEAL UP THE CUT WITH P L A S T E R AND THEN HANDLE POISONOUS CHEMICALS WITH HIS BARE, INJURED HANDS

-watson moves in with this dude and is like “oh wow im really interested in this guy but im Polite so i cannot ask him anything” so he starts snooping around trying to figure out what sherlock does for a living?????? like he couldn’t just fucking ask???? and he’s like wow he has these clients and he kicks me out of the house every time they come over i Really Don’t Want To Think He’s Fucking Them

-obviously, and to watson’s embarassment, he wasn’t. sherlock is a virgin and it is very clear

-watson describes sherlock in the most homoerotic way possible i don’t even know how to describe it bestie goes on about his hands for a full paragraph it’s really gay man

-WATSON IS SO POLITE ABOUT IT ITS ACTUALLY HILARIOUS ISTG HES LIKE I AM KIND OF SERIOUSLY OBSESSED WITH THIS DUDE BUT I COULDN’T POSSIBLY JUST ASK HIM ANYTHING OR LIKE TRY TO GET CLOSER TO HIM I WILL SIMPLY WRITE LISTS ABOUT HIM AND DIAGNOSE HIM WITH AUTISM

-he’s also like “i don’t know i really think hes on drugs i would say he’s on drugs but also he’s like this all the time and he might just be mentally ill” lo and behold it was both

-SHERLOCK GOES TO BED AT TEN PM AND GETS UP AT 4 AM EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL

-m o t h e r f u c k e r  d o e s  n o t  k n o w  w h a t  t h e  s o l a r  s y s t e m  i s

-and when asked why he doesn’t know! he’s like my dear watson! i simply cannot be bothered! my brain is filled up with more important things! 

-watson compares him to some fictional detective that edgar allan poe made up and sherlock is like HIM OH MY GOD DO NOT COMPARE ME TO THAT MOTHERFUCKER I AM BETTER THAN THAT

-it’s honestly really cute watson apparently will sit and listen to him play the violin and like request pieces and stuff and yeah sherlock can play those fine

-but most of the time if he picks it up on his own sherlock will just start plucking it with his fucking hands while slouching in a chair and sitting like L Death Note and playing random notes that Vibe 

-watson HATES it

-watson once picks up this paper sherlock has lying around about yknow. deduction and all that and how you find things out and watson is like “this is Bullshit who wrote this what the fuck this is the most unrealistic thing i’ve ever read” and then sherlock is like I Wrote It Shawty and watson is like. um. oh haha i take back everything

-MAN I JUST GOTTA POINT OUT I AM A TEENAGE BOY AND I COULD NOT STAY SERIOUS WHEN DOYLE THOUGHT “EJACULATED” WAS A GOOD WORD TO PUT IN PLACE OF SAID

-lol he was like “ahahahhaa my deductions” and watson was like “but How Did You Do It” and he’s like “I WANT TO LOOK COOL WATSON DONT MAKE ME RUIN IT BY EXPLAINING”

-GHHHHHHHHHH BESTIES when sherlock was Infodumping to watson About Crimes watson was like “oh my god that’s so cool bestie!” like Once and watson described it like “i was complimenting him like he was a girl and i called him beautiful and he blushed” LIKE DUDE THATS GAY

-that one time sherlock yelled “THE PLOT THICKENS” and lestrade was like “i t  w a s  t h i c k  e n o u g h  a l r e a d y”

-dude thinks he’s wrong ONCE and has a mental breakdown in front of the entirety of scotland yard before like five seconds later realizing that he was not, in fact, wrong

I’d say that the main difference between him and yuumori sherlock is that og sherlock has a massive fucking ego and yuumori sherlock is very loud but has no ego at all. Og sherlock will brag about how smart he is to anyone who will fucking listen. Yuumori sherlock will only boast abt his intelligence around Moriarty because he knows they’re both mindfucking

Other than that... I honestly cannot come up with significant differences between them. You can really tell how similar they are especially with the sign of mary episode- dude was just like >:((((( the entire day because watson has a fiance and then he walks in on a dead body and goes now hERES SOME FUN

He’s very accurately and enthusiastically portrayed, as far as I can tell, and I think that’s really epic. I love him. I might kin og sherlock too guys ngl

[sunshineseung]

My assumptions about you based on who your stray kids bias is~

Bang Chan: you’re constantly horny, but you mask it with 🌸🥺💗💌 but we all know what you’re thinking about, and it’s Chris’ arms. 90% of your camera roll is pictures of Chan being cute or sexy, and your YouTube history is just Chan’s room clips. You’re also super duper OT8 though. You love these boys almost as much as your bias does. I’m guessing you went through an emo phase sometime in your life, or at least often wear all black with layers upon layers no matter the weather. 

Lee Know: you’re really smart and/or really gay. Lesbians love Lino! You’ve probably read the hunger games or a similar book series at some point, and now you just like guys that are cold or serious a lot. You’re some of the only people that see minho for more than just being “mean”, and I really appreciate that. Also, you’re all cat people. Unlike stray kids, you can name and identify all of Minho’s cats, and I’m sure he appreciates that. Although most people would get mad, you’re through the moon when your favorite idols post selfies with stupid, face-warping filters, and theyre more than often your lock screen. Overall, you’re the superior kind of stay, and far too powerful to be contained.

Changbin: Oh my god, we get it, you love him. (kidding, please keep talking about him). You have a real heart of gold. Basically the nicest person ever, but you can still pick on your friends from time to time. There’s so much love in your heart, but most of it is for Changbin. No offence, but you’re probably short (although arent most stays short?). Crazy assumption, but did you go through a steven universe/gravity falls phase? Don’t worry, the best of us did. You probably have very fond memories of children’s media like cartoons or childrens books, and i’m nearly certain you own at least two Squishmallows. I will protect you at all costs.

Hyunjin: Oh, so you’re really hot. You’re also very opinionated and outgoing when needed, but damn. Leave some for the rest of us. You don’t even know you’re breaking hearts left and right, but please don’t stop. You don’t have a ton of friends, but a few very close ones, and you’re okay with that. You’re also very talented at a lot of things, even things you don’t know or think you’re good at. The jack of all trades type. You’re very much the kind of person to speak up when you see something going wrong, whether it’s bigotry, bullying, or anything you personally don’t agree with. Don’t get it wrong, though, if anyone even mentions Hyunjin or Stray Kids, you’re ready to go on a 5 hours tirade about how amazing and talented and pretty Hwang Hyunjin is. May god have mercy on those who are within earshot. 

Han: Stop acting so tough. We all know you’re just a little softy. No amount of silver jewelry or punk/alternative clothing can hide who you are inside: a baby. Han Jisung is your wallpaper, your app icons, your inspiration, your happiness!!! You would do anything to protect Jisung and make him happy. If you ever hear your friends or loved ones talking poorly about themselves, you’re ready to jump on them and cover them in love and compliments and reassure them that they are incredible. You’re everyone’s best friend and you don’t even know it. You’re also super duper funny! This might sound odd, but you probably have a strong opinion about tiktok houses. Quick question: what’s your favorite sitcom to reference? Or what’s the tiktok audio you reference constantly for a month before forgetting it exists? 

Felix: You’re adorable. You make my fragile little heart melt. Your existence lights up the lives of everyone around you, and the brightness of your smile is rivalled only by the sun. Although you might be a little anxious sometimes, your presence is a present and everyone adores you! You’re so nice to everyone around you, and we all appreciate it. To you, Felix is your happy place. Truly, just looking at a picture of Felix makes you feel warm and cozy in the best way possible. Although you first fell in love with him for his voice, by now you understand all of his talents and charms. You’re beyond whipped for this man, but whenever asked about it, you just say “I love him” :) super cute omg. Sorry if this calls you out, but you probably went through a Dan and Phil phase, and you might even still watch them to this day, albeit without the sharpie whiskers. Stay cute, babes!

Seungmin: You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. You look like Linda Evangelista. You’re a model. Did you stone those tights? Oh, you’re smiling! ... okay but can we talk about how amazing Seungmin biased people are? Literally so nice and well mannered, and I’m not just saying that because I’m one of them. You’re sometimes really sassy and catty, but most of the time, you’re just a ball of sunshine. You’re super cute, and you’re probably obsessed with cottage core aesthetic or Sanrio characters (or both)! You probably play and instrument of some kind, or even sing a little. Maybe even draw omg you’re talentedddd. You’re also accidentally funny a lot, whether that’s from clumsiness or cuteness. Despite looking adorable, you’re uper smart and cunning, probably witty as fuck when you get into arguments, which isn’t often because you shut down the other person faster than they can think of a response. Lovely lovely lovely people!

Jeongin: You’re either a few years older than Jeongin and baby him to death or you’re a few years younger than him and you just think he’s cute (although he’s getting a lot hotter omg did you see his arms???) You can be a little quiet sometimes, but whenever you talk, it’s something mindblowingly insightful or painfully hilarious. You can be super cute when you need to get something, and only when you want something. Again, you break hearts left and right, but don’t stop. Everyone fucking loooooooves you, and your friend group will not hesitate to remind you how much they appreciate you. You have a bunch of hidden talents that only a very few amount of people know, because to you, they’re just hobbies. You’re super talented and amazing, and you don’t even know it! You’re probably very clumsy and bubbly, even when no one is around. There’s probably some Panic! at the Disco or Troye Sivan on your playlist. 

woof this was rough lol i hope this was funny to some people. reblog with how much i got right about you in the tags, cuties! :)