#this made me cry a bit to type up because it's been over 2 years and i still miss harriette

[weministertomonsters]

Imagine This #17 - Male Siren Pt 1

A male siren was unheard of, but the pod decided they would keep him. He was raised on the fringes and never allowed to get close, having to make do with the leftovers. He was incredibly lonely and as he matured, he would grow restless with each mating season. None of his own wanted him and he learned this the hard way, getting a severe thrashing for even attempting a mating song.

The day a female human was lured overboard was the day he finally decided to stand up for himself. The pod was confused because their song only worked on human men, so why was this female floundering and choking in their feeding circle? They had been too busy hunting to notice that their hopeful outcast had been singing on the sidelines.

They hissed and spat and argued with each other before the matriarch decided that since the pickings were slim, the human female would have to do. Before any of them could make a killing strike that disgraceful male darted forward, snatching their meal right out from under their claws.

Oh, were they mad!

The sirens banded together to beat him blind, but in the years they had ignored him, he had grown big and strong enough to hold his own. He showed his teeth and there was no doubt he would use them. The pod backed away, cursing and groaning.

Clutching his prize, he swam to an outcropping of rocks where the water was gentle and placed her on a mossy ledge. His human female was limp and barely breathing. Panicked that she would die, he bit her arm and she jerked into consciousness and hit him in the face, coughing up water. Her strength was gone but the blow hurt a little. He rubbed his cheek against his shoulder and backed away into the water, unsure of what to do.

His pod wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of his blind spots and he could not afford to leave her just yet. He clambered onto the small ledge, crowding her. She scrambled for space and whimpered as her back thudded painfully against the rocks, and she sat quivering and frozen with fear, her leg pressed up close to her chest.

He smiled for her benefit but the sight of his teeth made her cry, so he hastily sang to her until she was lulled into sleep. When she slumped he arranged her head to rest on his tail, shielded her from the worst of the cold spray, and guarded her for the night.

He had so much to learn about her, but there was always tomorrow.

Part 2 [Here]

━━━━━━━ ⸙ ━━━━━━━

This might just be what brings me out of my writing slump! This is too short for me though. I want to dive in here and explore the potential this story has to offer.

Random fun fact: I write on my phone. Always have, ever since the early days when all I had was an iPod that I shared with my sister. Because of that, I now prefer typing on a phone over a laptop.

[s-sugustar]

Your heroes — 𝒟．𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧 , 𝒥．𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐝

🎧﹒synopsis ﹒✢﹐— Should've left her in my care, this wouldn't have happened if you did. — 𝒟．𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧

🎧﹒pairings ﹒✢﹐— Yandere! Red Hood x blk!fem reader x Yandere! Nightwing

🎧﹒content warning ﹒✢﹐— dark content, drug usage, smut, dub-con, power play if you squint hard enough, impact play, spitting, choking, degradation

🎧﹒author's notes ﹒✢﹐— had this in my drafts for ages since i had been a bit skeptical about posting it but here it is.

🎧﹒wc ﹒✢﹐— 3.1k

“D’aww, look Jay. She’s drooling.” Grayson concedes, his hips pushing further and further into while his hand wrapped around your throat, squeezing both sides from time to time. Jason struggled against the ropes as he watched Grayson mercilessly pound into you. The whining and tiredness in your voice had caught Grayson mid-way; stopping you from reaching your climax. “Is the baby tired?” he seethed, pulling you up by the neck to stop you from slumping over onto the bed.

Screeching in pain, the squinting of your eyes and the muffled sounds of your screams had been enough for Jason to wince. Everything was hurting and he knew that but there was nothing he could do. His limbs were like jello and his energy was gone; all because of some poison Grayson had thrown at him when he tried to stop Grayson from entering his apartment. 

“Babe, you know the rules. You go to work, and you come straight back home, y’hear me?” Jason muttered, giving you a light kiss on the lips before placing one on your forehead before putting the metal helmet on. You really wished he didn’t have to lead this type of life; you wanted him to settle down for a bit, so you begged. Every single time he bid you goodbye at 2 in the morning, you always had something to say about staying home with you.

Regardless of how you put it each time, his answer had been the same regardless. “Gotta provide for you and f’me baby. Gotham needs to be at peace once in a while.” The end part being a joke to cheer you up or in hopes of making you laugh but that never happened. Staying quiet seemed like the best option every single time after the very first time you brought it up. 

To say it in the easiest way is best. Jason is paranoid; a bit too in over his head but his paranoia comes from years of battling against Batman and the fear of the Joker finding him once again and stripping him of everything, only this time, he feared it would be you with the aches of being hit with a crowbar.

After his resurrection, Jason bulked to say the least. His confidence hadn’t been there but he was stronger than before and he knew for a certainty that he would have a better chance at protecting you than before. Hiding away in the most grimy places in Gotham was his best alternative at this point. 

After becoming Red Hood, many of the districts fell under him as he ranked up. Unfortunately, he had a run-in with the one and only Batman, and to say that it ended in the most gruesome way possible was an understatement. Oh, no one was injured gravely, but the feelings that had been pent up for years had come all undone. 

“Jason, I’m sorry.” It took three words for the young boy to fall to his knees in tears. After all that he had been through, he still cherished the man that left him to die. Oh what a pity. But alas, had it only been the Bruce and Grayson that had been in mourning? Dear God no. Had anyone think to check on Y/n, who had been Jason’s best friend? Grayson sure did. He had to be the one to keep her going after she heard the news.

The pain, the torment, the nightmares day in and out. It was a lot for Y/n to keep on going but Grayson made it better. During that time of need, Grayson stayed by your side through everything. He was your shoulder to cry on, the one who made you laugh till your stomach aches. He was your everything and all in one when Jason couldn’t have been. 

“You know I’ll never leave you right?”  Grayson questioned, he peered down at you with a sullen look in his eyes, his fingers grazing the sides of your face.You fell asleep not too long ago, your head perched on a pillow with your head resting against Grayson’s arm. He knew that you wouldn’t have answered him, you had an extremely long day and with today being the 2 year anniversary of Jason’s death casting your light down even further than it was.

Bruce hadn’t been around you much, guilt filled his heart whenever he saw you so he chose to stay away. Grayson on the other hand, he knew that you lost the one who truly understood you, who had been there through thick and thin. Although Jason meant everything to you, Grayson held a piece of your heart as a dear beloved friend. 

To say that Grayson hadn’t felt a little bad that he was a bit glad that Jason had been gone was quite the understatement. He felt some sort of joy to see the way your eyes watered and your lips quivering before you had a full-blown breakdown. The heaving and small sniffles that came from you whilst Grayson soothed you made his heart do flips.

Now, Grayson was a sadist in any form or fashion but the way you looked, so vulnerable, so heartbroken, God did it do some things to him. Maybe it won't be a breakdown next time, maybe you'll be under him squirming and squealing as thrusts his dick into you. His plan was in place, all he needed was to wait for the right moment.

Silence filled the room as you looked straight ahead of you, shock written all over your face. You couldn't move, you dearly wish you could've in this moment but how could you when the one you thought was dead stood boldly in front of you, a metal bodice surrounding his form and a metal mask in hand. "Jason?" was the only thing that fell from your lips as you drank in the boy or well man that stood before you.

Red had always been his favorite color from young; you never forgot. His eyes seemed distant; his stance wasn't as before. Rigid and hollow, many walls built for the sake of his sanity and maybe yours but in this moment, all of that crumbled when he spoke. "I came back. I came back. . . . .for you." All the love that had been shared between the two of you came rushing in like a tidal wave, breaking whatever strong force that tried to pull it back.

Grayson laid on the floor, bruised and bleeding; his mouth pooling with the taste of metal and the sight of red on the pavement. He cursed heavily before pulling himself up, his head against the nearest wall as he held his abdomen in pain. "That stupid red mask." He found his way home, easing through the open window, maybe a bounce in his step to see you.

A burning sensation rang through his jaw but that didn't stop him from calling out to you. Yet, he was met with silence. Odd. Usually you would have your arms wrapped around his torso, completely unaware of the wounds he had until a wince fell from his lips making you completely aware of his wounds before apologizing. "Hey munchkin, this isn't the time to play hide and seek with me. I'm hurt and I need your company right now."

Yet no response, again. Maybe you were asleep. With his head, he peeked into the room, quietly surveying it before slipping in ever so quietly. "Baby, stop heading from m-." "She's not hiding from you, she's gone." Nightwing sneered, wincing as he turned to face the one with a metal helmet coated in red with white lenses stared back at his broken body.

His hand balled into a fist before speaking, blood pooling in his mouth. "Where did you take her? Where the hell did you take her Red Hood?" A deep rumble emitted from his throat, his eyes squinting as he stalked towards the bigger man. Yet he didn't make it far as the barrel of a gun found refuge between his eyes, the metal was cold and hard since Red Hood pressed it harder against the skull of Nightwing.

"You come after her, I put a bullet in between your eyes, Grayson." The name fell from Jason's lips with much hatred and malice but with the built in modulator it was hard for Nightwing to understand the emotions behind what he had said. With a pregnant pause, Red Hood gave Nightwing one last look before going out through the window. Nightwing grunted in anger and in pain but stood in his place for a couple of minutes. He'll get you back, one way or another.

"Sugar, you know I love you too much but I can't let you out. I'm sorry." Jason reasoned, it had been almost a year since he scooped you up from Grayson and you loved every bit of it but you felt caged. You couldn't leave the apartment, orders of Jason Todd. Sure, he had his reasons, but you wanted out. No, you needed to get out.

Seeing the same four walls day in and day out started to make you lose your mind and you couldn't afford to do that right now: not to Jason anyways. He had been through too much for you to act out and start whining over not being able to leave the house. Maybe it was for the best. Just like what Grayson used to say.

Grayson, Richard Grayson or well Dick as he wished you to call him. Boy was he some character. His worrisome state and his constant clinginess had been enough for you. You knew he meant well but sometimes you felt if there had been some sort of kick he was getting out of this.

You knew he meant well but sometimes you could feel something more sinister and darker, something he wasn't saying or well doing. Shaking your head from such perilous thoughts, you switched through channels trying to find some that would catch your attention.

A few hours later, you fell into sleepy state, your eyes shutting but blinking back to life to stay focused on the movie that had been playing. What did seem to catch your attention was the loud thunk that echoed from a room in the corridor. You sat up looking towards the hallway patiently waiting for Jason to appear.

Glancing over at the digital clock that showed 2:14 a.m. in bright red colors, it was around this time that Jason would normally get home but seeing that he didn't appear yet, you went to investigate. You peered into the training room, calling out to him. but you saw nothing, the only other room there had been the one both you and Jason slept in, so you headed there. You pushed open the door, a curious look upon your face when you saw that he hadn't been in there either, maybe something fell.

Now, you weren't one to be paranoid, but you felt goosebumps rise against your skin and the hairs on the back of your neck rising. You were being watched. At times like this, you wish Jason had trained you in some sort of hand-to-hand combat, something you could fight with, but he left you helpless, like a doll without blemishes, perched in a high place just to look pretty and keep up appearances. So caught up in the pretenses of the happy life you lived and the one you longed for, you weren't able to sense the light steps that followed behind you so in esseence, you were an easy target.

Yelping in pain, you grabbed the side of your head from the place where you had been hit and at the same time, you turned to see the culprit, but instead of meeting a face, your eyes met the hard plywood within the apartment; splotches of black covering your sight. Soon enough, you were out cold and left in the hands of the culprit.

A sheer gasp fell from your lips as some strong force from behind. Wrapping their dominant hand around your waist and one hand gripped against your mouth. You tried to scream and hit them at the same time but all failed when the perpetrator tightened their grip on your waist and squeezed the flesh of your jaw, nails and the fabric on their hands digging into your skin.

"C'mon sweetheart, don't be like that to poor little Grayson." Your eyes widen in fear when a voice you could never forget sounded from behind you, but you weren't so shaken by the fact that Grayson had been pounding you whilst you slept but the fact that Jason had been tied to a chair, eyes wide open and staring right at you.

Brusies of all shapes and colors decorated his skin, more so the black eye that was starting to form. It was only then that you realized he had been gagged with some sort of sheer material from what you could see.

Then you saw the watery look in his eyes, was it because of the bruises, maybe so. That had been your first guess since it couldn't possibly be that he was crying, was he? With the little energy you had left, you twisted and turned your arm to loosen the grip that had been around it before you snatched it away, reaching towards Jason with a soft wail leaving your lips as you tried to reach him.

Alas, but Grayson had been attentive. Although caught up in filling you up with his cum and making sure Jason knew you were his, he pulled back your wrist, a tighter grip than before, wrenching it back in the same position, not caring if he had hurt you in the moment.

"You pull away from me again and I will break both your arms, understand?" Fear enveloped your entire body, but you still nodded, not wanting to anger the man any further. Maybe it had been your body that made you fall into the deep end. Panting at the surge of pleasure that flew through you as Grayson thrusted against your hips; the slick fabric rubbing against your skin every time he moved. The grip on your hips maybe have been tight but it felt good, really good. You weren't the only one who felt good in this moment though, the sane yet needy body that had been ravishing you from behind felt the shift in your stance.

Your arch deepened and your moans and whines felt more eased than strained; you were finally started to like it and that made Grayson excited. Yet on the other hand, Jason was furious; fingers deeply caved into his palms, he wouldn't be surprised if they were bleeding and his teeth clashed to the point where his jaw started to hurt. He shook against the restraints, pulling and twisting to find some sort of release.

His teeth snapping into one of your soiled panties, which he only learned that it was when Grayson had pointed it out when you were still passed out. The sweat shined in the moon light, beads of it dripping from his eyebrow. He felt hot and squeamish, he needed to get out of these restraints. Groaning at the rope that restricted his wrists, the roughness from it, bruising his wrists. The discomfort from the tactical pants he wore; not only from the ropes that sat around his ankles but also from inside of them.

The pushing against the fabric, a bit too tight for his liking. God, he felt disgusted with himself, but the sight of you was so appealing, he needed more; needed to feel you, feel inside you. The deep hollowness within his stomach stated enough, it was detrimental but addicting.

He hated the way Grayson corrupted you, pushing you into unknown waters, hazy of all things around you. He wanted to keep you safe, away from the dangers of this world, safe and wrapped in his arms. He was pulled from his thoughts when Grayson started to mumble, murmuring words into your ear. Jason didn't even realize that you were awake; eyes wide and staring right at him.

Was it shock or fear? Normally, with his enhanced hearing, he would have been able to hear every word that Grayson whispered to you and maybe he would've been able to break out from the ropes if his advanced strength and agility was still there but whatever Grayson had in that syringe caused his energy to deplete and his limbs to feel gummy.

Back to present moment where Grayson had your back arched and head pushed down in the mattress, Jason watched as you wiggle and squirm but every time that you did, you received a harsh slap to your thigh, causing you to whine in protest. Grayson had pulled out from his daze and looked towards Jason with a large smile, canines pointed and sharp, ready to strike and pierce.

He saw the mischievous glint in his eyes; that meant he was up to absolutely no good. "God Y/n, your blood smells divine. I don't understand why Jason hasn't sunken his teeth into you yet." As Grayson spoke, Jason's eyes widen in fear, head shaking vigorously, trying to signal to Grayson not to do it but by the smile etched on his face, he knew his attempts were futile.

Your screams were muffled by Grayson's hand as he sunk his teeth into your exposed neck, gripping your neck as he pulled it further to the side for more access. The man in restraints screamed, begged Grayson to stop but his screams were muffled by the now soaking wet fabric that invaded his mouth. His chest rising and falling at a rapid pace, eyes blown wide and bright in red as he heard your screams dying down and head lolling to the side, indicating that you had passed out from too much of your blood being taken.

"Oh no, poor baby all tuckered out." Grayson taunted, dropping your limp body back onto the bed as he pulled out of you; not caring enough to clean you up or wrap you in a soft cotton cloth. The older man got up from the bed, grabbing his escrima sticks before walking over to the chair that Jason had been tied to. With a pat on the shoulder, Grayson left Jason tied to the chair with nothing else but to stare at your unconscious body in the moonlight.

Tears cascading down his face not just from sadness of not being able to protect but from anger that the one person he trusted defiled the one person that kept him going. Once Jason was out of the ropes, he'd clean you and keep you warm but after his eyes were dead set on Richard 'Dick' Grayson and destroying everything he stood for. This meant war.

[pxrxcxa]

Mean to everyone but me

One shot *

Paring | Eddie x fem reader

Post summary | Eddie finally comes to terms with his feelings (and even though it’s a rocky road) he starts to make up for his mistakes with a fresh start

Post warnings | Smut 18 + (minors DNI I will chase you with a broom), p in v unprotected, f oral, m oral, spanking, over stim, FLUFF & idk what else, just pure smut so enjoy & let me know if I missed any.

Word count | 7.5 k word count (holy f)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

As always, any & all comments/reblogs are most appreciated - Love, P. x 🌿

Authors Note | I don’t consider myself great at writing fluff but I tried my hardest so let me know what you think! Also!? Guess whose on time for once lmao - even though this was extremely over due. Let me know if y’all want a part 6

“You’re going to wish you didn’t.”

Eddie’s words cut through the heavy tension that my admission had created. My heart hammered like crazy as he slowly turned to face me, the door handle rattling as he flexed his fingers around it.

I could feel the blazing heat flooding my cheeks as his stare met mine, making my knees shake as I crossed my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling so exposed under his dark glare.

His words should have made me tremble with fear. With regret. But they were laughable, because I’d known all along, even before I’d admitted to myself the strength of my feelings for Eddie.

Eddie Munson wasn’t the type of boy you were supposed to fall in love with, because he wasn’t the type to love you back.

I let my eyes flutter close as unrelenting tears sprung to them, listening out through the music for the unmistakable sound of the door closing.

It never came.

“Because I’m never gonna let you go now.”

I didn’t have time to react to his words before he was across the room in three long strides, lifting me off my feet as his hands strangled the sides of my waist, guiding me back against the wall and resting me against his body.

He bowed my core against his, pressing his lips deep against mine as I let out a gasp of surprise and shock, hesitantly reaching up to brace myself against his shoulders as I waited for him to pull away again. His kiss was urgent, devouring as he stole away what little breath I had.

I tightened my grip on him desperately as I bit back a cry, feeling my eyes burn as I waited for him to slice into my heart again with his talent for poisonous words. Eddie’s eyes flickered up from my swollen lips to meet my stare as his fingers traced the side of my face.

“Really?” His question, and the bare vulnerable, painstaking expression on his face left no room for confusion over what he meant.

Eddie didn’t know what it was like to be loved.

“I’ve loved you since freshman year Eddie. From the first time I watched you save one of the other guys in my year from being bullied by Jason in the cafeteria.” His half smirk flashed in the dim lighting between us as I laughed.

“I love everything about you. Even when you’re being mean.” I shrugged my shoulders and gave a little sniff as Eddie let his eyes drop out of shame, the embarrassment of my confession heated the air between us.

I stayed still as I moved my hands behind my back and Eddie hung his head, feeling my chest rise and fall heavily as I let him mull over my words in silence, I could see now how hard it would be for him to trust and believe me, after being constantly abandoned by every care giver he’d had, I wouldn’t be jumping to trust anyone anytime soon either.

But I didn’t know how to prove it to him more than I already had, and I’d already hurt myself in more ways than I thought possible by trying to get him to open up. Now that I’d been completely honest, enough had to be enough, I couldn’t keep dragging myself over knives while he decided when he wanted to play nice, when it suited him.

If Eddie decided to walk away, it would be his decision.

And I would have to let him.

“Can I drive you home?”

I tried not to let the heartbroken disappointment show on my face that those words weren’t the ones I was waiting for.

One more time.

I avoided the mirror on the closets as I let my fingers intertwine with his to save myself seeing the hypocrisy and weakness plastered across my face, following him as he held his arm out behind him and pulled me through the bedroom door back into the dancing crowd that piled up in the thin hallway of Steve’s front entry hall.

Eddie’s grip on my hand was soft as he shouldered his way through the crowd, turning his head to the side to make sure I was still pressed safely against his back as the drunk party goers shouted loudly from all sides.

The cold, fresh night air was a slap of relief as I stumbled against Eddie’s arm, gripping the leather of his jacket as my heels clacked against the cement. I glanced up at him sneakily through my lashes lidded heavily with mascara that I was sure was smudged by now, following him as he steered me towards his van parked at the end of the street. The silence grew heavier as we left the grinding sounds of a deep base and hoots of drunken laughter behind, the increasing wind sending goosebumps up my bare arms as our loud breathing became the only sound between us.

My eyes grew wide at the act of chivalry as Eddie walked me to the passenger side of his van, pulling the door open and reaching for my elbow as he helped me into the seat as I wobbled unsteadily in my heels.

His eyes darkened as I settled back into the scratchy fabric, toying with my hands in my lap as I avoided his glare. I felt his presence hulking over me as he leant in closer and I gulped as a long cold finger tapped my chin up.

“Seat belt.” He grinned wide enough to light up his eyes as my face blushed deeply, watching the way his pink lips stretched across his sharp teeth as the slightest dimples popped up in his cheeks.

I used the few seconds it took him to walk around to his own door to catch my breath, flipping down the visor to assess the damage. I quickly wiped the corner of my mouth where my lipstick had been smudged by Eddie’s mouth and wiped under my eyes to clear the messed mascara from Eddie’s cruel words.

A swirl of cold air filled the cabin as Eddie slid into his seat, the floor vibrated beneath my feet as he clicked the engine over and a geared up tape blasted through the speakers, making my teeth chatter as the base shook my bones.

“Sorry.” Eddie laughed, quickly spiraling the dial down as he hit the gas pedal.

The low voice of a band I didn’t recognize played in the background as Eddie drove, I fixated on the darkened passing houses to avoid watching him. To avoid the bundle of nerves that mangled my stomach together each time I thought of his face when I told him I loved him.

He hadn’t walked away, but he hadn’t said it back either.

I chanced a sneak look at him and my stomach dropped into my ass. Eddie was already staring at me with a strange look as I dropped my eyes to my lap.

I flinched as his hand slid to my knee, squeezing the cold skin as his low voice filled the quiet.

“You okay? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this silent.” He joked, rubbing his thumb across my bare skin as my eyes traveled up the veins in his taught arm.

“I don’t know what to say.” I replied honestly, my voice lifeless as I bit back an unexpected sob in my throat.

“Y/n I -“ I hadn’t meant to cut him off, but my surprise broke through.

“How did you know where I lived.” I shot him an incredulous look as he huffed and pulled back his hand, gripping the steering wheel as we pulled to a slow stop at the curb of my street.

“After you stalked me at Hellfire to hook up with me the first time, I paid attention.” I wasn’t sure how I felt about his half insult half compliment, so I stayed quiet and shot him an annoyed glance. He looked pissed off as he avoided my stare and leant back in his seat, pressing his lips together as he undid his seat belt.

“Eddie… my parents are home.” I clenched my hands around the seat underneath me, kicking myself because I didn’t want to leave yet, even though I’d sworn to myself I wouldn’t let him use me anymore, I had thought he’d drive us back to his place, not mine under the watchful eyes of my strict parents.

I didn’t want to leave Eddie.

If I left right now, I didn’t know if he’d come back, or if I’d let him.

He grinned at me and shook out his curls, turning off the engine as we were immersed in darkness.

“Don’t worry about it.” His breath tickled my chin as he leant over to undo my own belt for me

“Second level, first bedroom at the front right?” My eyes went wide at his correctness as my mouth gaped. He raised his brows at me until I nodded, winking as he slid out of his seat and waited for me at the front of his van.

“How are you-“ I peered up in the darkness as the lines of his face burned fiercely in the flame of his lighter as he lit up a cigarette, blowing the smoke over me as I pointedly coughed.

“I said don’t worry about it.” He laughed as he pushed my hair back over my shoulder, exposing the bare skin on my cleavage glowing in the moonlight.

“Damn dress.” He muttered so quietly I wasn’t even sure I’d heard him before he dropped his hand, tracing it down my arm before he let it drop to his side.

“You should head inside y/n. It’s late and your parents are probably worried about what you might be up to.” Eddie laughed loudly and turned away from me to hide his gleeful expression, taking a long draw of his smoke before his dropped it the asphalt with a spark of embers.

I spun on my heels and stalked up the side walk, stumbling as the concrete turned to grass beneath my shoes. I quickly kicked them off as I hesitated under the yellow porch light, clasping them in one hand as I turned the door handle as quietly as possible, cringing as the loud creak echoed into the hallway. I had just placed a light foot onto the bottom step of the stair case as my dads sleepy voice rung out from the lounge room.

“Y/n, is that you?” His voice was thick with sleep and muffled.

“Yeah it’s me dad.” I clenched the banister as I heard him yawn.

“It’s late. I thought we said eleven.” He started to sound clearer as I heard the recliner groan.

Shit

“I know I’m sorry. Nancy got sick and I had to take care of her.” I bit my tongue over the anguish of lying to my parents, making a mental note to fill Nancy in case our parents ran into each other at the grocery store.

“Were you drinking?” I rolled my eyes and sighed into the darkness, taking a few more steps.

“No dad.” Not technically a lie.

“Come in here.” I watched the volume on the tv turn down as I peered through the banister down the hall.

Fuck, my dad might have been the more relaxed parent but I definitely was not wearing a parent approved outfit. I tensed as I jogged up the last few steps, shouting out quietly over my shoulder as I heard him walking down the hallway.

“I don’t feel well either dad- probably a bug! I’m going for a shower!” I quickly spurned across the thick carpet, slamming my bedroom door behind me as I spun around to lock it. I let my heels drop to the ground with a muted thud as my breath stopped in my throat.

Eddie was lounging across my made bed spread, tossing a childhood stuffed teddy in the air before catching it and throwing it higher. He smirked at me with an amused look as I leant against the door, my eyes flicked over to my bedroom window that opened up to the roof of the ground floor, a cold breeze flowed through the open inch of it, I scowled back at Eddie.

“How the hell did you beat me?” I accused, strutting across the room to slam it shut.

“A stomach bug huh?” Of course he’d been eavesdropping, I sighed before I turned to face him as he watched me.

“Okay well I am actually going to go for a shower.” I snapped, my exhaustion from the night and Eddie’s antics seeping through.

“I need one to.” He flew up from the bed to block the door to my bathroom.

“I only have one towel.” I shot back.

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out.” His grin was devilish as he ran his eyes over my frame slowly.

The intimacy of the situation hit me, knocking my breath away. Eddie was here in my bedroom, in my safe space, the physical objects of my soul laid bare for his judgmental eyes.

“I’ll be good.” His smile had dropped, and an earnest pleading look had replaced it.

I wasn’t sure what I was agreeing to, but I nodded my head, allowing Eddie to follow me into the cold tiled bathroom that ran off from my room. His heat burned into me as he walked close behind, keeping a light touch on my back as I flicked the fairy lights on, dousing us in a soft golden glow.

I spun around to face him as a deep laugh buried in his chest rose to his throat as I exposed more girly decor to him.

“Not what you expected?” I challenged, reaching up to pull pins from my hair.

“It’s just… soft.” He admitted, I froze as his deft hands moved to replace mine, pulling the bobby pins away from my flowing hair quicker than I could.

“But so are you.” His brown eyes dropped down to mine as I slowly backed into the counter top, hardly darling to breathe as Eddie worked away at my hair.

As he pulled the free locks over my shoulder, I reached for the pack of makeup wipes tucked away with the rest of my skin care, laughing at the confused look on his face.

“I’ve got to wipe this all off, Eds.” I waved a hand towards my heavy makeup as slight embarrassment filled me. His jaw clenched before he pulled the wet fabric from my hands.

“Can I?” His voice was low and electric in the small space between us, all I could manage was a nod as he offered me half a smile.

I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck as my balance was stolen from me, Eddie gripped the sides of my waist to lift me onto the counter, softly spreading my legs to slide between them as he lifted the wipe to my cheek.

His tongue sat between his full lips as he slowly, with the most gentle concentration I had ever seen Eddie have, washed away the layer of makeup I had carefully applied. I laughed at his little triumph ‘Aha’s’ as he finally managed to clear away my waterproof mascara. I couldn’t hold back my teasing giggle as he panicked over being too rough with my eyelashes.

I had my hands resting on his hips as his hand held the back of my shoulder and the other pressed the cold cloth against my raw skin, wiping over it until he was happy with his work.

Warmth filled the space between us, but my smile slid from my face as reality kicked in, wishing with everything I had that it could be like this all of the time.

Eddie didn’t notice as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of my nose.

“There, all done.” He grinned as I shuffled off the bench, turning towards the mirror to examine his work.

“Well done.” He beamed at my praise as I glanced at the shower.

“Here.” He dropped the dirtied wipe into the sink as he turned to me, reaching down to the hem of the dress as he watched my face with careful eyes, waiting for me to stop him. I kept my face clear as he slowly pulled the red fabric up over my thighs, bunching it around my middle as I raised my arms over my head so he could pull it free.

It wasn’t the cold that made my skin shiver as Eddie dropped the dress to the floor, biting his cheek as he ran his fingers lightly across my chest, down over my bra and along my stomach. I caved under his touch as he traced the think lacy material of my panties.

His eyes flashed to my face as his name passed my lips in a quiet moan, searching my eyes as I trembled against him. His face was flushed and his eyes were bright as his apples Adam rolled.

“Can I shower with you?” The twinkling lights threw shadows across his face and the hard panes of his chest as he stepped back to drop his jacket off his shoulders and tear his shirt over his head. I brushed past him to switch the shower on, flinching as I ran my hand under the burning water. I didn’t turn back as I reached up to unclasp my bra but I did hear Eddie’s sharp intake of a breath as I let the scratchy fabric fall from my chest. I bit my lip as I shimmied my matching panties down my legs, kicking them to the side as I stepped into the steaming shower.

I plunged my head under the hot stream as I felt more than heard Eddie move in behind me, as I hid away in the water Eddie wrapped his hands around my middle, pressing his warm lips to my back as I felt the water droplets ricocheting off his shoulders. With slow careful movements, I turned around to face him.

He kept his eyes on my face as I traced my nails over his arms, across his chest and down over the snail trail covering the slight definitions between his abs. My cheeks burned as my eyes fell to his boner, pointing at me angrily. I glanced back up at Eddie’s wet eyelashes with a matching smile but he shook his head, signalling for me to turn back around as he reached for the body wash on the shelf behind me.

I couldn’t hold back the moan that escaped me as he massaged the lather of the grapefruit concoction into my shoulders, pressing his thumbs in as I melted back against his chest. As Eddie’s hands worked over and into every crevice of my body silently, with a content smile on his face. I turned into a pile of melted putty in his capable hands, watching the white foaming soap buds travel down my legs and disappear into the drain. By the time his fingers traced the outline of my lips, a dripping wetness was pooled between my shaking legs.

“Why don’t you go get that one towel while I rinse off?”

I obliged silently and stumbled from the shower like I was drunk, reaching for the white fluffy material hanging by the door as I dropped water all over the tiled floor. Steam clouded the mirror as I watched the blurry outline of my silhouette cross the bathroom floor, leaving Eddie behind as he hummed and bopped his head to an unfamiliar tune.

I headed straight for my dresser, pawing through the legions of old pajamas as I searched for the silk set my mother had gifted my for my birthday this year. My fingers closed around the blue material as I wrenched them from the draw, with frenzied speed I quickly dried my body and applied the thinnest layer of scented lotion before I hung the towel back up over the bathroom door, practically diving into my bed as I sat up crossed legged and began to untangle my hair with my fingers.

I tried to sort through my thoughts as I hyper ventilated, chewing on my cheeks as the shower taps turned off with a creek. Why did he have to do this now? I didn’t expect him to say he loved me back, but surely even this was cruel beyond what Eddie was capable of? Being extraordinarily nice and intimate after all this time of me begging him to? To toy with my heart and feelings after I ripped them open to him?

I hated everything about this, and I hated myself more because I knew I was going to let him use me again.

One last time.

Just like any other junkie, telling myself whatever I needed to hear to justify it.

I wasn’t going to say no though, I couldn’t.

The first tear fell as Eddie sauntered through the door, water droplets dripping from the ends of his tights curls and onto his exposed chest as he tightened the towel around his waist.

“Just a heads up, I’m gonna need to borrow your hair dryer in the morning.” His grin slid from his face as he looked up at my tear stained one, shooting across the room towards me. The mattress groaned under his weight as he leant in towards me, cupping my chin as I avoided his eyes.

“Hey what’s wrong?” His voice was desperate as my hands went limp on my lap, collecting the steady stream of tears that dripped off the end of my nose.

“Please don’t cry. Tell me what I can do.” I stared back at Eddie through my blurry lashes as a sob etched itself in my throat, threatening to choke me as he stared back pleadingly.

Damn him for being the reason and remedy.

Damn him.

I threw myself against his chest with a sharp smack, pawing at each inch of his skin that I could get my hands on. My wild move caught him off guard for only a moment before his lips picked up pace with me, molding against me hungrily as he laid me back against the covers. His hot lips moved to my skin along my neck as I twisted my hands in his wet hair, massaging his scalp as he moaned against my collar bone.

“What’s.” He moved his lips down along my chest, nipping at my hard nipples, bare beneath the silk top.

“Wrong?” Eddie nudged my legs apart as he settled in comfortably between them, lifting up his hips as he pulled the towel away and tossed it into a corner of my room.

He pulled back with surprise flaring in his eyes as I tugged on his hair painfully, bringing his lips to mine with an urgency I’d never shown him. Eddie gasped over me as I bit down on his lips, swirling the taste of his blood in my mouth as I let him pull back from me.

“You.”

“What?”

“You’re what’s wrong.”

His face fell as he collapsed against my chest, loosing his grip on my hip as he searched my face for something. There were still tears in my eyes and my lip trembled, but I could feel the wave of rage simmering beneath the surface.

“Punish me.” His voice was gruff and laced with lust as his fingers tugged at the hem of my shorts.

“What?” My gasp was half filled with laughter but my shock was soon drained from my face when I seen that he was serious.

“Punish me. For everything mean thing I’ve said and done to you. Punish me. Get it all out.” His eyes darkened and sent a flutter through me as his moving frame blocked out the flickering light from my bedside.

I tried to keep my concentration as he lifted himself above me, bringing his knee between my thighs and resting it beneath my mound. I groaned as I pushed down against it, rolling my clit against his hard knee as his mouth moved back to my breasts.

With a low gasp I knotted my fingers in his half dried curls, guiding his head as he dotted my chest with kisses, slightly lifting his knee as I ground down on it, arching my back as I hit the sensitive spot that sent a thrill through my core.

“Say it.” His voice was mumbled in between hickeys he was leaving on my sternum.

“Huh.” My eyes rolled back as my pace picked up, the wetness dripping out of my folds as I moaned his name.

“Tell me what I’ve done that’s hurt you baby.”

My shoulders left the bed as he hand slipped between my legs and he pulled his own away, rubbing against my throbbing clit over my panties as I panted.

“Called me names.”

“Names?” He murmured against my skin as his nose tickled my skin across my stomach, I tensed and writhed beneath his touch as his dark eyes flashed up through his lashes to watch me.

“Mhm, whore, slut… mmm” my voice choked out into a gasp as he let one long finger slip beneath my drenched panties, flicking over my bud before it pressed against my soaked entrance, teasing my fluttering walls.

“Ed-Eddie” I begged, bowing down against his hand but he just kept pulling away.

“Are you not my whore?” I nodded feverishly until he let me push down on his finger, sighing as I felt him stretch me out. Eddie grinned against my thigh as he tugged my panties down my thigh.

“What else baby?” He skillfully rubbed soft circles on my clit with his thumb as he worked away at that squishy spot inside of me that had me flinching off the bed with each thrust.

“You hit me…” Eddie pulled his hand from me with an exotic sound as my eyes flew open in protest, heat flashed through me as I watched Eddie suck his finger and his eyes rolled back in his head.

Eddie glanced down at where I was quickly coming undone beneath him, he leant down to caress the side of my face before placing a soft skin against my quivering lips, forcing my essence into my mouth with his tongue.

“I know I did baby. I’m sorry. I won’t ever do it again unless you ask.” Cold air swirled between our bodies as he pulled back quickly, gripping my thighs until he spun me over, face down into my pillow as he pressed into my ass. I let out a gasp he didn’t hear as he started to massage my soft skin, playfully tapping at my ass until I was arching back in the air for more.

“Tsk tsk, gotta ask for it baby.” I felt my slick dripping from my cunt down my legs, ruining the clean sheets under me, but Eddie’s voice was enough to send me over the edge.

“Please Eddie.” I reached back and connected with his knee, my fingers traced the wet patch my pussy had left on it.

“Please what?” He growled, leaning up on his legs until I felt his hardened length teasing my entrance.

“Please smack me.” I buried my face as I felt my walls flutter around nothing, muting my light cry as Eddie’s flat hand smacked down against the fleshy part of my ass.

“Such a fucking pretty pussy.”

Tears leaked out of the corner of my eyes from Eddie’s praise, a knot forming in my stomach over the thought of watching him come undone over me.

“More.” The mattress rocked as Eddie pressed into me, using his free hand to rub his dick up and down my soaked folds as I shivered in anticipation, his tense hand hammered down against my soft flesh as I cried out louder this time, relishing in the pain.

“Need you Ed’s please.”

“What else baby. Tell me.” I could hear the desperation in his voice as he pressed his cock against me again, faltering beneath his own touch as I wiggled back.

“Leaving me.” My sob was hidden as I felt Eddie pause behind me. He leant forward over my back to press a soft kiss to my jaw as he traced the hand print I was sure he’d left before he buried himself inside of me with a groan. My wetness and his precum made our bodies glide together effortlessly as I moaned into to my frilly pillow, my body twitched as Eddie reached around to rub purposeful circles on my clit as he kept up with he strokes.

“I’m never going to leave you again.” I could have cried, from his words or his cock it didn’t matter.

It was Eddie, all Eddie as I lost myself in the feeling he was pounding into me. His grunts became labored as I shook, lifting off the mattress as I felt my orgasm wrap its talon around my core.

“Wanna feel you come on my face.” I didn’t have time register his words over the roaring in my ears before Eddie pulled himself from me and flipped me back over, burying his face between my legs as he lifted both my legs over his shoulders. The sheets bunched beside my body as pulled them off the corner, turning my head to hide my face in them as Eddie’s lips sucked at my clit, tugging it’s with interest at each shock it sent through my body. Embarrassing noises echoed throughout my room as his tongue lapped at my wet pussy, running up the length of it until it reached my sensitive bud and he flicked it over softly, grinning against my core with each whimper that tumbled from my throat.

Eddie’s arms locked around my thighs as I tried to wiggle away, my oncoming release taking over my body as I both wanted to press my cunt down against his face and not being able to hand the sensitivity.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck Eddie Eddie Eddie.” He didn’t relent as my legs clamped down on the sides of his head and I reached down to tear at his hand as my orgasm stole my scream from me, I bit down on my fist as I tried to remind myself I was in my childhood bedroom, flinching as the aftershock waves of my orgasm rolled through, I loosened my grip on Eddie’s hair and relaxed my thighs before his lips attacked my pulsing clit, making me cry out at the over stimulation until I was practically screaming for him to stop as I begged.

Eddie loomed over up me to pressed his soaked face against mine, his chin dripping with my slick as his tongue found me. He was pressing his dripping, solid rock dick against me when I mumbled against his mouth.

“Want you to come in me.” His small smile separated our mouths as he ran his hands back over my chest, tugging at my soft nipples as I squirmed.

“I want to baby, but don’t have a condom.” I shook my head against him, digging my nails in against his shoulders as I forced him on his back and pressed sloppy, urgent kisses down his stomach as he laid back with a groan as he watched my intention become clear.

“Fuck baby, you sure?” My answer was taking his entire, slick soaked length in my mouth until I was gagging on him and he threw his head back against the pillows, cupping the back of my neck and he pulled my hair away from my face.

The mixed salty tastes from both of us layered my tongue as I ran it along the ridges of his cock, tracing my nails along the sides of his pelvis as he bucked up into my mouth. I took it without complaint as the tufts of his pubic hair pressed against my face, relishing as I watched him fall to pieces under my mouth. He’d already been close, it only took a few thrusts down my throat before he was finishing.

“Fuck you’re taking me like a good girl. Fuck I’m gonna come, in your mouth?” Eddie glanced down at me with red cheeks and heavy lashes as I nodded on his cock, pushing him down my throat as far as he would go as I felt and watched him thrust up into my face, tightening his grip until he faltered and his salty seed shot down my throat, I pressed my lips around him as I pulled up slowly, running my tongue along his tip until he jolted and pulled me up against his chest, I’d barely swallowed before he crushed his lips to mine, cupping the back of my head as we tangled our bodies together.

Sleep was an oncoming storm as Eddie tucked the sheets around me, tracing light patterns up and down my spine as he began to hum the same song from the shower, mixing in with the flavour of my dream as I slipped beneath it’s depths.

The pillow I had my arms wrapped around was cold, making me clamp my eyes tighter as I tried to hold onto the memories of last night, not wanting to face the reality of the day time. The sunlight was hitting my room at an angle that told me I’d slept to late afternoon, my mussed sheets were bundled around my waist, flat against the mattress apart from where it fluttered over my body, my bleary eyes scanned the room without hope, knowing without needing to see.

I fell back against my pillows as I watched the towel hung back up over my bathroom door, swing in the fresh breeze that flew in through my wide open bedroom window.

I slammed down the receiver in frustration for what felt like the hundredth time that day, arguing each point with myself like there was two people in my mind, although the headache made it feel like there were a thousand different screams inside of me. I nearly jumped out of my skin as the phone rang with a shrill, its melody sung twice before I ripped it off its hook, readjusting myself against the kitchen stool.

“Hello?” I breathed, twirling my fingers in the cord.

Y/n? It’s Nancy

I was too disappointed and caught up with trying to hide it, that I didn’t even consider lying

"Oh, hi."

What happened to you last night

"Oh um, Eddie. I went home with Eddie."

Oh, well that’s great! you’ll never believe what happened with Steve…

I let her trail off as my thoughts drifted away again, chewing on the inside of my cheek as I promised myself that if I came up with an excuse to get off the phone with her, then I really would call him for real this time.

….Anyways, we should all definitely go on a double date sometime!

The doorbell rung out, echoing down the hallway as I glanced up at the clock hanging above the dining table, wondering who would be at our doorstep at 07.15 pm considering both my parents where in the living room and I was on the phone with my only friend.

“Y/n can you get that?”

“Uh Nance, I have to go.”

Okay, let me know about the double date!

"Uhuh"

I slammed the receiver back down as I slid from the stool, fidgeting with my bathroom belt as my slippers thundered against the hallway runner quietly, in my frustration I hadn’t bothered to check the peep hole in the front door before I tore it open.

I froze like there was a dangerous animal on my doorstep, I probably might of known how to deal with one better anyway.

Because a well groomed, puppy-eyed, recently showered, hair half tamed, holding a bouquet of my favorite colored flowers with a pleading look, Eddie Munson, was not on my list of things I’d expect to answer the door to.

“What’s… all this?” I tightened my thin bathroom robe around me as the cold air rifled my free hair, sending goosebumps up my spine as Eddie ran his eyes over me.

“Bit under dressed aren’t you?” His sneer slid into place easily as he cocked a half smirk, and I pulled the front door tighter behind me to block out the sounds of my parents watching tv. As he ran his tongue over his bottom lip, biting the corner of it, I had half a mind to slam it in his smug face.

I snapped my eyes shut and gave a quick shake of my head to drown out the scent of his minty mix of cigarettes and cologne out of my mind, hating the way his dark leather jacket hugged his lean muscles and how his long lashes threw shadows across his sharp cheekbones under my porch light.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I yelled in a whisper, my eyes darting away from his when something exciting flashed in them, causing my thighs to clench together of their own accord.

Damn it.

“You told me yesterday y/n. If I wanted to see you, I’d have to turn up at your doorstep with flowers to ask your dad for permission to take you out on a date.”

As my thoughts flashed back to us at my locker yesterday, his words stole my breath from me in a rush of air as he leant back on his heels, rubbing his jaw with amusement as my own went slack. At first they sent a thrill through me, before the anger set in at his manipulation.

“I didn’t say that! You said it -“ He cut me off as he slid past me, flexing his hand against the door panel as he shoved it wide out of my grip, pressing his thumb against the corner of my mouth with a smirk as his face bent close to mine.

“Speaking of which, he is home right?” Eddie spun around in the entry half to face me, his smile deepening as my eyes flew wider with each inch the took him closer to the living room. The flowers fell to his side as he raised his brows expectantly at me, cocking his head to the side as I dug my nails into my palms, a disbelieving smile slowly spreading across my face as I scoffed, the bizarre image of Eddie’s dark and intimidating presence diluting the white and soft decor of my home.

I liked the way it looked.

“Y/n, who was that at the door?” A lump rose to my throat as my mother’s sing song voice rung out through the walls, Eddie’s cheeky smirk impossibly widened as my cheeks burned.

“I’ll introduce myself while you get dressed.”

My mind ticked over as I hesitated, watching the narrowing outline of Eddie’s jacket disappear further down the hallway as I glanced down at my scarcely hidden body beneath the thin robe.

Fuck

I sped up the stairs, tearing into my room like a tornado as I grabbed the nearest clothes that I could slide over my hair and legs, not bothering to stop to check if they matched before I practically flew down the stairs again. I almost tumbled into Eddie as I met him and my alarmed parents standing at the bottom of the stair case, Eddie stared back at me amused as I patted my hair down, quickly shooting a look at my body as relief flooded through me that I had on a pair of dark jeans and a flattering new sweater. Eddie still looked like he was holding back a laugh though.

“Y/n you didn’t tell us you had plans tonight.” My eyes flashed from my dads face to my mothers as she spoke up.

“Yes a… date.” I bit back a groan as she ran her eyes over Eddie pinned between them, not unapprovingly as he beamed at her with the flowers held to his chest.

“Make sure she’s back by eleven.” My dads tone was enough to make my knees buckle but Eddie smiled back unfazed.

“I’ll have her back before ten.” He promised, his tone was so respectful and rung with truth that if I didn’t know what we had done in my bed together last night, I would have believed him to be the perfect example of a respectable young gentleman.

Eddie held his arm out to me as he pressed the flowers into my other hand.

“Ready?” He hid his smirk under his innocent smile as I glared at him, shooting my parents a reassuring smile as I followed him down our lighted driveway to where his van was parked.

I felt my parents eyes on our backs as he opened the passenger door for me again, offering his hand as he helped me into the seat. I avoided their stares as I waited for Eddie to join me, reaching out to turn down the volume dial on his radio before we could give my parents heart attacks.

“….so what is this?” I waited until Eddie had driven off at a respectful speed down my street, flicking on his lights as he turned onto a main road.

“Well…” he pulled at his collar as he reached up to smooth down his hair, sparing me a nervous glance.

“I’d kind of like to do this right. And I think a first date is the way to start.” He shot me another anticipated glance like he was waiting for me to laugh, but his words sent surge of warmth through me, blossoming at my core as I failed to keep a smile from spreading across my face.

“You could have given me some warning so I could have dressed better.” I stared at my outfit in dismay, peeking at the glorious that Eddie was drenched in.

“You’re perfect.” His voice was so sure and fierce he almost sounded angry as he stared intently at me.

“Eddie…. I uh.” I dropped my gaze as a blush clouded my cheeks, glancing back up at him as his hand shot into my lap and grip my fingers between his.

“I love you too.” The background song dropped out perfectly as his words hung in the silence between us. A heavy weight I wasn’t aware of, lifted off my stomach and swirled around my heart, spurning into a glittery goldness that warmed my soul and deep within in, filling me with a sickening gooeyness that promised everything to be alright.

“Really?” I grinned as his carefree laughter pounded against my skin, I closed my eyes to soak up the feeling of his essence blending with mine, wanting to freeze this moment for the rest of time.

“After everything I’ve done? And you still stuck around? How could I not? Y/n I… I might be a dick, but I’m not an idiot. You’re the best thing that ever could have happened to me and I’m not fucking it up again.” His eyes flashed with something free as they shone in the darkness.

“I’m sorry.” It was one word, and maybe it wouldn’t fix everything right now, but Eddie squeezed my fingers tightly and fixed me with his inescapable dark gaze, like he intended on saying it until it did.

I didn’t want to sap up the moment with my tears, even if they were filled with happiness.

“Okay… well since you’re open to the idea of dates… Nancy and Steve want to double up.” I joked but still held out hope that normality couples activities would be something Eddie would be willing to try. I bit my lip as his face crumpled up.

“Ugh. You’re the only one I’m nice to, I’ve got no interest in doing that for anyone else, especially not King Harrington.” I traced my nails along his arm as his eyes rolled back slightly.

“But you love me right?… so…” I raised an eyebrow as I pressed on.

“Loving you is gonna get me in a heap of trouble isn’t it?” Eddie shot me a mischievous grin that said he was completely fine with whatever trouble I proposed.

“Heaps.”

Readers - if anyone is looking for a slow burn Eddie x y/n, check out my Opposite Ends series :) (almost completed)

Eddie Tag list }

@ninapengbrev @edwardmunsonsslut @lacrymosa-24 @mavex @fckyeahlames @harrys-tittie @eddieshot86 @sl-tfor-joseph-quinn @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @chickennug90 @miss-momma-drama @stardustmunson @luceneraium @eddiesgffff @sammararaven @nightless @dotslabyrinth @relocatedheads @princessbubblehoe @muggleluna @sagittariughs @gloryekaterina @e0509 @prettysauceyy @urlivingdeadgirl @crimsonsabbath @lem0nb0iii @callsfromshe @lelenikki @bebe0701 @bratckerman @the-tacos-unite-blog @extravagantplant @plethoravellichor @justmesadgirl @corrodedcorpses @fanfictioniseverything @callsfromshe @iiheartu @maximizedrhythms @sleepygery @ms1oftheboys @brittanyyydamnit @xsecretsirenx @clincallyonline17 @goldyghoul @tlclick73 @aaaasdfghjjkkllll @relocatedheads @aquamarieco @figmentofquinn @daydreamerblues @hellfire-puppet @wonderful-outcast @drakensmainbitch @princessbubblehoe @iamaslutforcoffee @emolooswrld @tayhar811 @winterbuckystan1943-1917-1982 @eddiesgffff @alana4610 @munson-fixation @princesscutie23 @random000000sblog @leahthesith @ariesbabycitlaly @harringtonfan4 @briasnow-blog @figmentofquinn @alana4610 @sillypurplemurple @heliumjuliet @smexylittleswine @sav7689 @magnificantmermaid @foxxymunson @hesvoid3434 @capricornrisingsstuff @smileforallthestrangers @mvrylee @princesseddie

Copyright ©️ 2022 by P.McCann.

All rights reserved.

[baby-xemnas]

PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE LUZO SABAODY/2 YEAR TIMSEKIP STUFF IM BEGGING YOU

oh its so much....its So cute that u know that panel where they step away to talk like "hey where did the bear guy send you to? 😄" its so casual for what a heavy event it was, and how hard what came after had been.....but i kinda love it you know it's not unrealistic to be like haha its fine NOW so we can laugh and have fun and relax and smile again....just like lawbepo hug on zou - bepo is SO happy to see law that he instantly forgets and forgives all the fear and pain law made him feel, it doesnt matter its over!!!

its the same with luzo at sabaody reunion they are all grins and "i cant wait to rediscover you, I'll enjoy learning how youve changed bit by bit, ill savour it like a good meal" long looks. Because its Safe they are together again and they both, they ALL worked to become stronger so they can stay together, so luzo have that sexy confidence about it and instead of regretting the wasted time they think "nothing can separate us now"

and its CRAZY cuz they've been through so much. from the absolute horror of the initial incident, to the pain of finding out what happened to luffy at marineford and zoro going insane because he isnt there for luffy. luffy going through that and not wanting to live afterwards but being brought back Because he has zoro and the others - no doubt in those tears of love and gratitude there was a mix up of guilt for considering offing himself because it would mean hurting THEM. he is very sorry, it passed.

so reunion is So full of joy and comfort Despite that horrible baggage makes it all the more beautiful for them to feel So Light as they fall into each other like: there you are, my love, my home, isnt it amazing how we sync up so effortlessly again - its pure happiness

not only both of them worked and changed and became so much stronger to be able to stay together, not only did they endure so much pain for each other's sake (others' too but u know. its fucking luzo) they also both discovered a facet of their love that only distance could give so theyve matured with it too

its Nuts

zoros devotion got formed under pressure of kuma fight and his training like a diamond. as ive said i love post ts zoro being a shameless trophy wife/bodyguard who is So openly proud to be a dog its DISTURBING (positive. appreciative)

if luffy was possessive before he somehow becomes Worse much to zoros happiness. But luffys determination to be great to reach his goal is inseparable from his greed and selfishness, and that includes zoro, its crazy really because greed usually implies large quantities but with this its intense greed focused on one person (because zoro is luffys only lover and he wants no other. zoro is the best) which makes it Suffocating. in a way even the fact that "thought of zoro saved me from giving up" kind of = zoro is mine completely, its a batshit logic but thats not unusual for luffy -

luffy doesn't want to become king alone - he wants to do it with zoro and the others, his goal is his life, he is nothing without them and it just so happens that zoro is most important there, not making others disposable just cuz they arent sucking his dick but zoro is zoro, zoro was always different, zoro is the most HIS out of this group of people who will die for him

and they all came back...and zoro came back.. it's like by doing that they signed a second new and expanded unspoken contract between them that yes you are our captain Yes we will see you through the end etc

and luffy is so giddy that zoro is there ..not that luffy doubted him but he really feels like celebrating

😊😊😊

(sorry this ended up being a scattered train of thought and i didnt even talk about them fucking but i did cry typing it up if that helps cuz i love them...)

[plentyoffandoms]

Main Masterlist ♡ Wrestlers Masterlist ♡ Miscellaneous Wrestler Masterlist

Just like all my other stories, this has not been proofread, but please enjoy.

Warnings: choking. P in v. Unprotected sex. Mentions female oral. Blacking out. Mentions female masturbation, but nothing crazy

Gifs & photos do not belong to me. 1st gif @vanityangel 2nd gif @d-moloney

Requested by @hooks-martin. Hope you like it

WC:1409

Christian - Carmelo Hayes ☆ Lea - Kelani Jordan

I knew something was going on between Christian and Lea before he decided to leave me for her. I watched from the sidelines as their relationship blossomed.

I didn't care in the beginning that they were becoming friends. I didn't want to seem like that type of woman, not allowing my man to have female friends. I mean, I had male friends, and Christian seemed to be okay with it.

But then he started to cancel on date night with me. His texts took longer and longer to get back to me until I was calling him.

He sounded out of breath as he handed the phone, saying that he was training. Deep down inside, I knew he was lying, but we had been together for years and have just started to plan our wedding.

Looking back on it now, I am happy that he kept pushing the wedding date. Made things a bit simpler after I came to our shared home and found him packing his stuff.

It was at that moment that he told me he was leaving me for Lea.

I should have been more hurt than what I was feeling at that moment, but I knew I was somewhat prepared for this to happen.

I just didn't have the heart to end it myself, and after months of them sneaking around, I was waiting for this day to come.

It was that moment I knew my life was going to change and that I was the one who needed to make it change.

We sold the house, each of us getting half. I moved into a beautiful apartment and started my life all over again.

Which included leaving NXT and joining NJPW. I was hardly being utilised in NXT. I would have a match here and there, but I was always in Christian's corner.

After joining NJPW, I had a match within a week of starting, and it lasted longer than 2 minutes.

But then the media got a hold of what happened between Christian, myself, and Lea. Even during meet and greets, I had fans starting to ask me about what happened.

It all was becoming too much.

That was until Dan, from his table next to mine, told them to stop asking. Get the photo and autograph and leave.

It was that moment that I knew our friendship would grow, and I was right. After that event, the two of us went out to dinner, and we got to know one another.

I always knew of Dan. We met here and there in the past, but only in passing.

Dan seemed to become my rock through all of this when social media became too much to handle. He suggested I take a break from it, which I am glad I did. He told me he takes a break because if not, he feels like he is always at the beck-and-call of the fans, reporters, and bloggers.

Sometimes, just reading bullshit that someone made up about you can start to get to you and bring you down.

He put his arm around my shoulder and kissed the side of my head, just like he had done for a bit now, but this time, it felt different. My heart started to beat faster, and my face felt like it was heating up.

I was disappointed when he let me go, and I at that moment, when he smiled at me, I knew I fell for him, and fast.

Fuck.

'I didn't need this.' I thought to myself at that moment. Not when my life was just getting back on the right track. After just moving on from Christian.

So I pushed my feelings aside, hoping that if I convinced myself enough that I do not like Dan, then my heart and mind would believe me.

◆

Which did not work.

I found myself thinking of Dan as I lay in bed, my hand between my thighs as I cry out his name as I bring myself to orgasm at the though of him wrapping his hand around my throat, as he fucked me into the mattress.

I decided then and there I had to avoid him. That I needed to put some space between the two of us.

I bailed on pre-made plans. I told him that I was busy when he asked me to do something.

His texts became fewer, and fewer until they stopped. I knew I ruined our friendship, and I hate that I do that, but I knew it was the best thing to do.

That was until it was almost midnight, and I found him outside my door, demanding he be let in.

I didn't want the neighbours to complain, so I let him in. I wondered why I didn't cover myself up before I answered the door.

"Did I do something wrong?" He finally asked me, as he stood in front of me, as I sat down on the edge of the bed.

"No, look, Dan. It is all me."

"Do not give me that BS."

"I'm not. Really." I was looking at my nails, the wall, anyone but him.

"Then how come you can't look at me? How come he bailed on all of our plans? It has to be me. Now tell me what I did wrong so we can fix this."

"I like you." I blurted out. Hatin that he is feeling like this. Like this is all his fault.

"Well, I like you too."

"I know you like me as a friend, but I started to develop feelings for you."

"More than just a friend love. I've liked you since I met you all those years ago, but you were with Christian."

My brain seemed to short-circuit as he grabbed my hand and pulled me up off the bed, and kissed me gently on the lips.

The kiss deepened. After wanting this for so long, I pulled my lips back to catch my breath, but with the look in his eyes, I whimpered.

◆

"There it is. One more. Give me one fucking more." Followed with the sound of his palm making contact with my ass cheek once more as he fucked into me from behind.

His other hand was pushing my head into the mattress as he fucked me as hard as he could. Dan has already made me cum, I believe five times.

The first two were with his fingers and mouth as he ate me out like I was his last meal on earth.

He fucked the other three out of me, and he never let up. He fucked me though each orgasm, and demanding now that I give him a sixth one.

He pulled out of me and flipped me onto my back, grabbing my legs and placing them over his shoulders, folding me in half as he slammed back into me, making me weakly moan.

"One more love. I know this pussy can give me one more." He growled as he slammed his lips against mine. I could still taste me on his lips.

I groaned into the kiss, which seemed to make him fuck me harder, if that was even possible.

He was muttering against my, "One more baby. Need to feel you squeeze me once more."

"Choke me." I muttered back. He stilled and pulled his lips away.

"Choke, ya? Shit, that is hot."

He placed his hand on my throat, and started to fuck me at a much slower pace, but the moment he started to squeeze my throat, I was done for.

My mouth fell open, and my eyes rolled back into my head as I came hard. I came so hard, I blacked out for a moment.

I came to just watch him pull out and jerk himself onto my stomach. Watching as the ropes of cum landed on my body.

My body was aching, and he was trying to catch his breath.

"Fuck. Want to take a bath?"

I nodded my head yes, as a bath sounded nice.

"But I will need you to carry me. My legs feel like jelly."

The smug bastard smiled at me as he lifted me in his arms, laughing at the fact that I could not stand on my own just yet.

"Fucked you that good huh."

"Oh shush." Was all I said as he lowered me into the tube, and him joining right behind me.

Tag list: @lghockey @nicoleveno14 @legit9thlunaticwarrior @hooks-martin @wwenhlimagines @melissahausen @faerieofthenightcourt @tahiri-veyla @crowleysqueenofhell

[rubydubydoo122]

Jason gets de-aged because I've seen fics of Tim or Dick being de-aged, and Bruce losing his memory, but no one has realized the potential for angst if you de-age Jason.

Bruce couldn’t do this. Sure he fights criminals on a daily basis, he’s fought aliens, hell, he’s been to space, for crying out loud. But he could not look at his dead- undead son. He could barely look at Jason as a 21 year old, much less looking how he had weeks before he died. 

“Bruce, I know this is hard, but–”

“No, Dick, you don’t, because you were off planet to even know what was happening.” It was a low blow. Bruce knew that. He knew he was burning bridges, but he wanted to be alone. He didn’t want his kids to see him break down. He could fix those bridges later. 

For a moment, Bruce could see the fiery 20 year old Dick desperately trying to be let loose, but then Dick glanced at his siblings, “Why don’t you guys go upstairs, while Bruce and I talk things through.” Dick wasn’t asking though, and they knew.

So the four of them headed up the stairs, leaving Bruce with Dick and Alfred.

“Are you going to slap me halfway across the cave again? Are you going to take away my keys again? We’ve been down this road before, Bruce. It wasn’t fun for either of us.” Dick leaned against the table and crossed his arms, “The only reason I’m not screaming at you right now is because I know that I have to be here for those kids. Cass, Tim, Steph, Duke, Damian . They need me here, but Jason? Jason doesn’t need me , he needs you . He wants you.”

Bruce thought about all the things that had driven a wall between him and his second son. “No he–”

Dick groaned, “B, when he saw me come out of the Batmobile instead of you, I could see his expression crumble.”

“When he realized you were in the cave, he was so eager to see you, Master Bruce. He was hurt when you barely acknowledged him.” Alfred placed a hand on Bruce’s shoulder, “The boy upstairs is not the broody Red Hood nor the Robin who died in that warehouse yet. He’s the child you brought into this manor to make sure he was loved. The boy, who despite all the darkness around him, still managed to shine brighter than the sun. We’re not saying this situation will be easy, Lad, but you have to try. For Jason.”

“I don't know if I can .”

“Jesus Christ. I forgot you don’t speak Emotions . Fine. I’ll give you a language you understand.” Dick went over to the computer and opened a new Mission planner “Mission: Fun Sized Jason. Rule number 1, Don’t make him upset. Rule number 2, don’t brood more than usual. Rule number 3, Don’t let Jason know something’s up between your relationship with him because that will probably break Rule number 1. Mission Objective, keep Jason happy until we can get him back to full size. Alfred is allowed to add rules and Objectives. Understood?”

And suddenly, Bruce had a little empathy for Damian’s Robin under Dick’s Batman. “Got it.” Bruce gave his oldest son a slight smile. “Honestly, this might be my hardest mission yet.”

Dick and Alfred shared a look, “You’ll do fine, Master Bruce.”

“I’m gonna check up on everyone, I can come back down once I’m done, if you want.”

“I’ll be fine, Chum, I’m just going to call Zatanna and finish putting a bit of info in.”

Dick nodded, “Alright.” He made his way to the stairs, “Goodnight Alfred, Goodnight Bruce, tell Z I said hi.”

Dick’s first destination was the kitchen. It was usually the first place Cass and Steph went after patrol. Because Steph grabs a midnight waffle for her ride home. 

Though when he got to the kitchen, it was just Cass sitting on  the counter with a mug of tea in her hands. She tilted her head, the question of are you ok clear as day. 

If Dick tried to lie, Cass would just see through him. He sat down next to her, “Everything went well with Bruce, it’s just that…”

“It’s strange, conflicting. Seeing Jason.”

“Yeah.”

“He is a cute child.” Cass rested her head on Dicks shoulder. And Dick rested his hand on hers. “Tiny.”

“Yeah,” Dick chuckled, “Like no one would’ve expected Jason to be as tall as Bruce.”

They sat together in silence until Duke came into the kitchen, and Dick patted the space next to him as an invitation. 

“I’ve been thinking, if you, or Bruce, or even Alred, need me to keep Jason company while you take a moment to work through… memories, I’d be happy to do it. I don’t have any history with him, we’re close enough to the same age.”

Dick patted Duke’s shoulder, “You’re a good brother. Just don’t let Bruce throw him on you too much because I’m trying to get him to try .”

“Maybe it’ll be easier for Bruce after he gets over the initial shock. Even Damian was shocked. He didn't even try to stab Jason. He was wearing Jason’s jacket.”

Right! Damian! And it was strange. He was having a very different reaction than Dick had expected. Dick had to talk to him, but first “Did you get a picture?”

A grin spread across Duke’s face. “I already sent it in the groupchat.”

Dick hopped off the counter, “Lovely. I’m gonna go check on him. And then I’ll check on Jason.”

“Anything you need us to do?”

“Um.. yes, there is one thing.” Dick paused for effect, “Go to bed.”

Damian was leaning on Titus in the corner of his room, with Alfred the cat in his lap. It was a strange revelation that his Akhi was his wayward brother all along. Yet, it also made perfect sense. They both were in the League, and Todd had said something about mother taking him in.  He just did not expect Todd to be Akhi . He didn’t even think that Akhi was still alive. One day Damian had been drawing next to him and the next he was gone. Akhi had two modes; Stay still, or protect. He would immediately fight whoever Damian was supposed to spar and pull him out of reach of any attackers. Akhi would hold Damian while mother was busy, or sit next to him, or follow him if Damian started to wander too far. Yet he rarely ever spoke. Maybe that’s why he never drew the connection between Todd and Akhi. Because even though Todd could be silent if he wanted to, he spouted out the signature Robin quips like second nature. Or yelled at father, taking shot after shot, barely giving father a chance to speak. And above all else, behind Todd’s eyes you could see the calculations, you could see him taking in his surroundings or contemplating risks he was willing to take in the moment, you could see him playing out plans in his head to see every possible outcome. Whereas Akhi had alway had a far off look. Like his mind was never really there. 

There was a knock at the open door, Dick leaning on the door frame, “Are you ok, Damian?”

“Tt.” He started drawing swirls into Alfreds fur, and then smoothed them out.

Dick moved to sit next to Damian. They sat in silence, though it felt like Damian could hear Dick staring with concern.

Damian spared a glance at Dick, “Todd spent time in the League. At Nanda Parbat. Under my mother’s care. With me.” Alfred’s fur was suddenly a lot more interesting than it had been minutes ago, “I didn’t even know it was him, not until a couple of hours ago. I’m the son of the greatest detective, and I didn’t even realize that my Akhi was my brother.” It was making him feel young, seeing Todd like this again, “I thought they killed him, but I- I guess they put him in the Lazerus pit after that, and then he couldn’t come back, because he had to come here, but I wish mother had– Todd, He protected me, Baba . It was only for a little while, but he protected me. He showed me kindness.” Damian met Dick’s eyes which were slightly glossy.

“Well, that does sound like Jason. He’s always had a soft spot for kids.” Dick let out a wet laugh, “He was like… your Guardian Angel.”

“That was horrible Richard. Not funny at all.” Yet Damian could feel a soft smile pulling at his lips, “But yes. He was.” 

“It’s his Bruncle instincts.”

Damian frowned, “Bruncle?”

Dick grinned “Brother-uncle. Since you see me as your Baba .”

he groaned and shoved Dick out of his pet cuddling area, “Nope. That’s it. You do not get any more speaking privileges for the rest of the day.” though he could feel a warmth spreading across his chest. 

“Come on-”

“Nope. Bye! Bye!”

“But–”

“Goodnight, Baba .”

And Damian could see Dick completely melt, “Goodnight, Bibic.”

The first thing Jason did after he stormed upstairs was grab his journal from the hidden drawer in his dresser. Screw Bruce, he was going to figure out what happened to him. 

The only problem was the dates only went to April 25, 2018. He didn’t even finish the notebook. The entries didn’t seem like something was wrong–

Sheila Haywood .

There was a gun pointed at his back as betrayal and shock sunk into his stomach. “I lied.”

A blonde woman turned away from him while lighting a cigarette.

He read through the page. Sheila Haywood was…his mom? But what about his Mami? The one who raised him? Does that make her his step-mom? 

Jason scrambled back to the drawer to take out a pen and flipped to the next page. He was going to figure this out. 

First off, Bruce was a lot colder. Like close to Kelvin cold. 

Second, all the scars. There’s a certain amount of scars that made sense for whole vigilante gig, but the amount he had was closer to the amount torture victims had. 

Third, If Ms. Haywood was his mom, is Jason in her custody now? Well, he’s 20, so probably not currently, but did he have to leave Bruce? Is that why his room is pretty much the same? 

Fourth, Why was he at the League of Assassins? If he asked Damian would he give him a straight answer?

He heard footsteps coming down the hall, and almost immediately jumped up. And then relaxed when he realized they were Dicks, and they were stopping at the room before his.

He crept closer to the wall to try to catch the words.

“...But I- I guess they put him in the Lazarus Pit…”

Oh.

Guess he had his answer to number four. Though why would he need one? Did it have to do with number two? Maybe number two should be number one, but he’d already written in pen. 

That also probably answered why his eyes were more green than blue. And the white streak. It did feel a bit too emo for him.

He heard a laugh come from the other side of the wall and felt a twinge of jealousy flare in the pit of his stomach. Sure, he and Dick had their good moments, but it wasn’t usually that easy. There was still tension that loomed over any attempts of brotherly bonding. Sometimes Jason wishes Bruce actually introduced him to Dick before he took up the mantle of Robin, because maybe then they’d be closer brothers.

“Goodnight, Baba.” And just like that a wave of guilt washed over him because he had thoroughly misinterpreted their relationship. Jason honestly thought Damian was Bruce’s. They had very similar facial structures. 

And then there was a knock at the door, before it slowly opened, “Hey, Jason–”

“I didn’t realize you were Damian’s dad.”

Dick just gaped like a fish, “I– what?”

“I was under the impression Bruce was the kid’s dad, baba.” Jason swatted Dick with the back of his hand.

“Oh.” Dick laughed, “No. He’s Bruce’s. He’s also twelve.”

“So?” Jason shrugged, “You’re like, 30. It’s possible. And why else would he call you Baba?”

“Stop calling me old! I’m 27! Also, your math makes that barely legal.”

“‘Barely legal’ does not stop Talia Al-Ghul.”  Jason frowned. He thinks he was 18 when that happened. “Hold up, I’m not 18 yet.”

Dick was suddenly standing ramrod straight, “Excuse me, what?” 

That was his scary voice. Abort, abort, abort , “Why was I in the Lazarus Pit?”

“How much of our conversation did you catch?”

“I zoned out after Lazarus.”

Dick crossed his arms and huffed, “No, we’re going back to Talia–”

“Is Bruce depressed because he lost custody of me to Sheila Haywood?”

And that seemed to send a slap across Dick’s face, “How do you know about Sheila Haywood?”

Jason crossed his arms “I’m a detective, Dick.”

Except so was Dick, and he immediately spotted the journal on Jason’s bed. “It was in your journal?”

Jason nodded.

“What’s the last date in there?” Dick sat down on the edge of the bed.

Jason went to go sit next to him. “April 25, 2018”

Dick nodded, his normally clear blue eyes looked stormy.

“Something bad happened, didn’t it?” 

Dick looked like he was contemplating something, and then turned to face Jason, “I’m only going to tell you this because I know if your older version was here he would tell you.” Dick took a deep breath, “You would say, “I ain’t tellin’ you shit, you don’t need to know.” You would do that while leaning against a wall or something.”

Jason blinked at Dick, because that buildup was rude. “I wouldn’t say that! Also, it’s me . I would tell a younger version of me every moment of my life. I’m pretty sure an older version of myself would too.”

“Look, Jason, I was in space at the time. I don’t know all of the details, and Bruce never felt like filling me in on it.”

“What about the report?”

“Ok, yeah, I’ve seen it, but you know the reports are nothing like actually being there, or hearing the story. And it’s never something you or Bruce want to talk about. You’ll probably get the memory back once you’re back to full size.”

Jason huffed and pulled himself into his sheets. “You’re no longer my favorite sibling. You are dead last. Getting my hopes up that you would give me an answer. That was just cruel.”At least he knew there were reports on the bar computer about what happened. He could sneak down there and figure this out himself. 

“Eh, fifth place is not that bad.” Dick stood up, “or are we counting Stephanie?”

“Doesn’t matter. You’re still in last.” Jason turned over to face Dick as he was leaving, “Though, I do accept bribes.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Goodnight, Little Wing.”

“‘Night, Dickiebird.”

[bwabys-scenarios]

Reunited

Pt. 1

Illumi x Reader

Warnings: mentions of child abuse, terrorism, violence, torture(not explicit, just mentioned)

PART 2

When Illumi wanted to escape the constant torment of his family he’d take a walk through the forest surrounding the manor. He was allowed to go there unsupervised, mostly to test if he was strong enough to fend off any beasts on his own.

Even when no one was watching him, he knew that there was some way they kept tabs on him. Whether it be a tracking device or cameras, it didn’t matter. They always knew where he was, even if they didn’t always know exactly what he was doing.

That was a good thing though, because what he had been doing the past few months was against the rules big time.

Illumi slowed down his pace to look at the almost unnoticeable marker on the tree to his left. He was getting close to where he needed to go. Even at 13, Illumi’s tracking skills where those of an expert.

As he reached his destination, he sat on the log of a fallen down tree. As he waited, he counted each fungi on the tree, labeling in his mind which ones would be edible and which weren’t.

The snap of a tree branch got his attention. His black eyes cut to the right to see a girl around his age entering the clearing, wearing overalls with a cartoon bunny printed on the pocket. She smiled brightly and waved.

This was Illumi’s secret. For the past few months he’s been meeting with this girl every chance he could get. When he wanted to see her, he’d leave a note under a specific rock in the clearing detailing which time he’d be there, but for some reason she always got there after him.

“(Name). Late as usual,” he said softly. His voice was calm as always, but (Name) could tell he was slightly annoyed. She crossed her arms as she neared the tall boy.

“It’s not me that’s always late, you’re too fast getting here. You’re an assassin and I’m just a bakers daughter, there’s a big difference.”

She was right of course. She usually was, and Illumi liked that. She was a short and chubby girl, and he was a tall and slim boy. And their family situation was much different.

He was tortured and poisoned everyday to build up his tolerance, but that didn’t mean (Name)’s life was amazing. Although she suffered no abuse from her parents, she was often picked on by other kids her age. She complained about it to Illumi once, but after he offered to get rid of them for her she made sure not to mention them again.

That’s how they met.

She had been crying at the center of the clearing while Illumi was on a walk. At the time he didn’t much care about some random girl crying, but the sound was annoying.

Illumi appeared in front of the girl, scaring her half to death. Illumi didn’t exactly look normal, he was pale as the moon and covered in bruises and scratches. He was beautiful in the way that fallen angels were, tragic and haunting but beautiful none the less.

“Why are you on my property?”

Of course that was his first question, he was an emotionally stunted 13 year old boy that couldn’t understand why a random girl was crying in HIS woods. But he could have been nicer about it.

She stopped crying and looked at him. She looked more confused than upset now. When you see a girl crying in the woods you comfort them first, and ask questions later. Why was this boy so.. strange? Honestly, she felt a little annoyed at this.

“Wow, I mean sorry I’m on your property but you’re really bad at talking to people. That’s a bit rude of me to say, but you seem like the type to need things stated bluntly.”

Illumi wanted to be offended by this, but he couldn’t. She was right. His lessons did include how to hold some conversations, but it was only on how to keep your hostage talking. There were also the lessons on how to torture someone into giving up info, did that count as conversation, asking the person you’re torturing information was basically the same thing, right?

As Illumi thought this over, the girl wiped away her tears.

“Honestly, you’re kind of weirding me out. Your eyes scare me and you’re just staring at me.”

She was honest. Illumi liked that. A lot of people lied to Illumi to suck up to him. They would spin lies of how much they adored him and how amazing he was, but he could always tell they were lying. It’s one of the things he’d been taught to sense.

“Sorry. I’m not used to speaking with people.” He answered. He figured there was no use lying to this random girl who didn’t even know who he was.

“That’s alright. With practice you can get better. Just try talking with your friends more.”

“I have no friends.”

(Name) let out a low “yeesh” before sighing.

“It’s settled. I’ll be your friend. You do scare me and I feel like you may be a vampire or something but hey, vampires are cool.”

Illumi didn’t get much say in this. Before he could reject her offer, she had told him to meet up with her again in a few days, and that was that.

Ever since, they’d been meeting 2-3 times a week. Illumi had been coming at first out of curiosity and boredom, but had slowly become to enjoy (Name)’s company. He didn’t say much when they’d meet, but he enjoyed observing her. Illumi had learned so much about her, and she’d even gotten him to spill a few small details about his own life.

Even after learning about his identity and who his family was, she acted the exact same.

“An assassin? I guess vampire was a stretch, but I knew you were kind of… killer-y.”

That was all she had to say about the subject before switching to telling him about the town gossip. He truly didn’t mind, because he rather listen to her talk then have to speak about his life.

Soon going to visit (Name) felt like stepping into a different world, where he was just a normal boy and not the son of assassins. It felt nice to just relax for a bit, and being around her just made him feel… at peace.

To sum it up, they’d become actual friends before Illumi had even noticed. He looked forward fo their visits, and even felt disappointed when she didn’t show up.

He couldn’t understand what he was feeling when he laid eyes on her recently, it made his stomach hurt and his chest ache, and that made him want to avoid her all together. If poison and torture couldn’t make him feel this way, then how dangerous could she be to cause such a reaction?

The two sat together in peaceful silence for a moment, (Name) going through her bag as they did. Once she’d found what she was looking for, she pulled it out.

“Is that a camera?”

Illumi stared at the object, with curiosity and caution. Although he had come to trust (Name) a bit more than others, he still knew to always air on the side of caution.

(Name) nodded and offered it to Illumi to inspect. He did so thoroughly.

“I was thinking we could take pictures together. You’re gone a lot and I worry sometimes you won’t make it back from one of your missions so I want something to remember you by.”

She looked away, a finger twirling her hair as she did. Her words sounded sad, and for some reason Illumi did not want her to be sad. It made something inside him ache.

With a bit of hesitation he handed the camera back. He eyes her for a moment, trying to detect any kind of malicious intent. When he sensed none, he agreed to her request.

“Okay, come sit next to me and get close. You gotta be close so I can get a picture with both of us in it.”

He complied, and only slightly tensed when she wrapped her arm around his shoulder.

“Okay, say cheese!”

“Chee-“

A kiss placed on his cheek silenced him immediately. He stood stiff as a board, looking down at her with a blank expression. The girl blushed, standing up too.

“Ahh, sorry! I forget you’re not used to affection, I do that with my other friends all the time. Oh and you’re a boy ahh!”

The girl hid her face with her hands, not able to see the slightest tint of pink on Illumi’s cheeks.

“… it’s alright. let’s get another picture.” he said after a moment of silence. He sat back down and waited for her to do the same.

They both took a few more pictures and waited for them to develop before looking over them.

(Name) reached for the picture of her kissing his cheek as soon as it finished.

“I-Ill take this one. Again I’m sorry.”

Before she could take the picture illumi snatched it up.

“Actually… I want it. You can have the others.” He said while facing away from her. (Name) blinked, then said a small “alright” and gathered the other pictures. She stuffed them all into her bag before standing.

“I have to go, mom said dinner would be early tonight. I’m glad I got to see you!”

Illumi nodded, still not looking at her. (Name) frowned at this.

“Goodbye illumi, have a good night. I’ll see you next week!”

If illumi had known this would be the last time he saw her, he would have pulled her into a hug and kissed her, but he was too embarrassed about his red face to even look at her. He often cursed himself for not reassuring her that he wasn’t grossed out or upset she’d kissed him.

Once Illumi arrived home, he was greeted by his mother.

She wore a dissatisfied frown. There weren’t often moments where she wasn’t dissatisfied with SOMETHING so illumi didn’t spare her a second glance.

“Illumi.”

He stopped to turn his full attention to his mother at the mention of his name. Kikyo placed her still steaming cup of tea on the table and gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Yes, mother?”

He didn’t feel like entertaining her at the moment. He wanted to get to his room and hide his picture of (Name) before his daily strip search.

“Where were you just now?”

Those words made his blood run cold. Kikyo didn’t often ask him that question, she left him to his own devices when he didn’t have work, so why would she ask him that unless she had a reason to be suspicious?

“I was just taking a stroll through the woods, mother. Is there something you need of me? I am ready to do whatever you please.”

Illumi knew the best thing to do when his mother was suspicious was be calm and casual. He bowed his head slightly and knelt at her side, grasping her hand. His mother was currently pregnant and expecting a child soon, so she’d often ask him to do tasks for her.

“Well you will no longer be allowed to go to those woods. They’re too close to the town, you could be spotted.”

Illumi looked up, his eyes widening a bit. “Mother I assure you I can handle myself. Is there anything I can do to lessen your-“

His mother raised her hand and slapped him across the cheek. He didn’t react at all, but stopped mid sentence.

“You DARE talk back to your mother, the one that birthed you? I don’t know what has gotten into you, Illumi, but I have made a decision and that is FINAL. You must never enter that forest again. If I hear you have, you will be severely punished, along with whoever you’ve been seeing behind my back.”

The last sentence made Illumi flinch slightly. His mother huffed before caressing his injured cheek with her cold hand.

“I do this out of love, Illumi. You mustn’t mingle with the common folk. It isn’t safe for you OR them. Do you understand my dear?”

Illumi nodded slowly, hesitantly leaning into his mothers touch. It was the same cheek (Name) had kissed, and this was the first time he’d received affection from his mother in years.

“Yes mother.”

6 months later

The past 6 months had been hell for Illumi. He’s been punished for talking with an outsider by being trapped in the basement, only being allowed outside once a week for outdoor training. He was used to things like this, but never before had he felt so… lonely.

Before meeting (Name), he didn’t feel loneliness. He just felt bored, but now all he could think of was her. Illumi was surprised that he was able to hide her picture from the butlers, they were incredibly thorough.

Every night he looked over the picture, taking in every detail of her face. Her eyes, hair, skin. It was all he could think about. Her.

When he finally slept, he’d dream of her. Her playing in a stream, sewing up his clothes, dancing to unheard music as she weaves flower crowns, and just… her.

It wouldn’t be a stretch to say he’d become a bit obsessed. After all she was the first girl his age he’d met that showed him kindness, of course he’d fall in love. He didn’t quite know what his feelings were yet, but he did know he wanted to see her more than anything.

He had made up his mind weeks ago that he’d go meet her as soon as he was allowed out of the basement, and soon he’d be able to do so. His punishment would be ending that day, and he planned to go to her house by nightfall. After all, his mother forbade him from entering the forest, not her home

Illumi spent the remaining few hours of his imprisonment thinking of what he wanted to say, what he wanted to DO when he saw you again. He decided he’d try to talk about his strange feelings, and perhaps get an answer to what was happening with him. She was much more emotionally intelligent than him after all, so hopefully (Name) would have an explanation.

As Illumi walked up the basement steps, he could hear his mother speaking with a butler in hushed whispers.

He paused and blinded in with the shadows, slowing his breathing to the point he couldn’t be heard. He had already far surpassed his mother, so she wouldn’t be able to tell he was there. He began to eavesdrop.

“The entire town has been wiped out? You’d think that terrorists would know better than to mess around so close to our territory…” his mother said in a huff. “Call Silva and have him go deal with those pests. Illumi was secretly seeing someone from there so I can’t say I’m angered with this, but I’d rather him not find out anytime soon. I want his little crush to go away first so he doesn’t try anything stupid to go see whoever it is.”

Illumi stayed still for a long time, even after his mother was long gone he stayed rooted to the spot.

Something inside him was aching again, differently now. It felt agonizing, the way his heart hammered in his chest. As his bloodlust began to rise, he wondered if he’d be able to control himself much longer.

And that’s where Illumi blacked out.

When he regained control over his body, he was in someone’s room he’d never seen before, covered in blood. He could tell he’d killed the ones who had destroyed the town, which didn’t fill the void that was settling in his chest.

Illumi lifted his head from staring at the floor to take in his surroundings.

He stood in the middle of a pink room that had been ransacked. There were posters of anime, teddy bears sitting politely on the bed, and it smelled like… (Name)’s perfume!

He was in her room! When he realized this he sprang to his feet, and began searching her room for any sign of life. He flipped her bed, rifled through her drawers, and looked in her closet. Illumi couldn’t explain why he was looking for someone he couldn’t even sense was in the room, he was just desperate to find her, to know she was safe.

He collapsed onto the ground, growling in frustration and agony.

“Where IS SHE? WHERE!?”

For a few moments he sat there, trying to control his breathing. If he blacked out he might hurt someone that hadn’t done anything to wrong him. He couldn’t control himself when his bloodlust got too high and he knew that.

Once he’d calmed down, he opened his eyes. During his fit of rage he’s ended up with his head under her desk. Before he slid out from under there, he stopped to look closer at the underside of her desk.

Something white was sticking out of the wooden planks on the drawer connected to her desk. He’d somehow missed this when going through her desk earlier.

Illumi slowly slipped the white piece of paper from between the planks and unfolded it.

There were only 4 words on the note.

I escaped.

-Love, (Name)

[lonesome-witching]

Forever Starts Now

I was asked to do a sequel to Forever With You this time including the wedding. So here it is. Thank you for the prompt. It was lovely to write.

It does feel weird to not advertise myself in this bit. But prompts reopen this Friday, May 26th. Until then you can always check out my previous prompts or my ao3.

“I will admit, I had pictured your wedding differently.” 

Nancy looked up from where she was pulling at her white gown. It probably shouldn’t have been white. 

“Please mom, not this again.” She sighed as her eyes locked with her mother’s. 

“No, no. I’m not complaining.” Karen stepped further into the room. “You look good. Happy.” 

Nancy forced out a laugh. “Shocking because I feel like I’m about to have a heart attack.” 

“Second thoughts?” 

“No.” Nancy shook her head. “I want to marry her. I love her. But… God, it feels so… so final. Like once I walk down the aisle there is no going back anymore.” 

“Would that be an issue?” 

Nancy wasn’t entirely sure if her mom was trying to talk her out of this or not. “Not for me. I can’t even believe how lucky I am that she wants to spend her life with me but mom,... What if… She-” She took a breath. “She deserves better than me. I’m such a mess and what if one day she realizes that she doesn’t want to clean up after me anymore. I have all this trauma that follows me wherever I go and I keep dragging her into it. Just the other day I kept her up till 5 am, just because I was afraid to go to sleep. And she does it. She does whatever I need her to do every single time but someday she might get tired of it and then… it’ll hurt so much more if I go through with this.” 

“Sweetie.” Karen pulled her daughter into a hug. “How long have you and Robin been together?” 

“7 years.” 

“Exac- 7 years? Nancy! You told me you didn’t start dating until your junior year of college.” Karen exclaimed, pulling back. 

“That might have been a lie. But seriously mom, you didn’t suspect anything? Me and Robin were roommates.” 

“Well, 7 years then. In that time has Robin ever made any move to leave you?” 

Nancy considered the question seriously. She went over every single fight they had had. How they had argued when Robin forgot to do the dishes right after moving into their small Boston apartment together. How Nancy had lashed out when they went to a gay bar and Robin accidentally flirted with another girl several years ago. How Robin had shouted at her when Nancy pulled up her walls or gave her the silent treatment. 

But Robin had secretly done the dishes while Nancy went to the supermarket. And Robin had held her hands and assured her that she was just trying to be nice and that there was no one she could ever love like she loved Nancy. And Robin might have shouted at her but her words had always been kind and she’d spent her nights holding Nancy’s crying form. She had never run out, slammed the door behind her, went to sleep in the middle of an argument. Things that couldn’t be said about Nancy herself who preferred to run before she’d get hurt. 

“She never has.” Nancy admitted, almost ashamed of giving the idea any thought at all.

“Instead she asked you to marry her. She didn’t do that on a whim. She waited 7 years to be sure that this was the best for both of you. She knows what she’s in for and she wants to be with you every day of her life. I might not know everything about your relationship but I do know that Robin isn’t the type to run out when it gets difficult.”

“Nancy! Your wedding is starting in T minus 2 minutes. Please tell me you are ready?” Dustin yelled from the hallway. 

“Time to go.” Karen smiled at her daughter as she pulled her out of the dressing room. 

The first thing Nancy noticed wasn’t the bright bouquets of flowers her mom had picked out, despite what she had said when they were preparing the place. The first thing she noticed was Robin’s bright smile, lighting up the room. That same smile she was greeted with when she came home after a long day of fighting the patriarchy. It was an anchor, keeping her stable. It always made it easy to take the next step. If she could have she’d run to Robin, fall into her arms. She didn’t though. She stayed in check. Noticing how Steve leaned toward his best friend to whisper something in her ear that somehow made Robin smile even brighter. Nancy would ask about it later. Later when they’d be sharing their bridal suit that her own parents had insisted they’d take. 

She stopped walking when she reached Robin. “You look beautiful.” She whispered the second Nancy was in earshot. 

Just like the very first time Robin had said those words, Nancy blushed a soft shade of pink. 

“Today we are joined together to unite these two beautiful women into their holy matrimony.” Murray began his speech. Robin was snickering beside her. “Please tell me you have prepared your own vows.” 

“We have.” Nancy nodded with a smile. 

He motioned for them to start. Nancy could feel her hands starting to sweat. She could only imagine how nervous Robin must be. But when she looked up, Robin seemed as calm as ever, nodding in understanding and clearing her throat. 

“Hello, Nance.” Robin started. 

“Hi.” Nancy replied automatically. 

“Throughout these past few years you’ve changed my life. I remember being 17 and feeling like my whole life was one big error, feeling like I’d never truly be happy. And then you waltzed into my life, smooth as ever, staring me down as if I had just broken into your home and you were getting ready to shoot me. And I instantly fell in love. All it took was one look, one ‘who are you?’” Robin imitated Nancy’s voice as best she could, which wasn’t very well. “And I was hooked. So hooked I was frightened to talk to you for like a year. But then we became friends and I found an understanding in you that wasn’t just unexpected but it was so desperately needed. Since then a lot has changed. Somehow I have gotten you to fall in love with me. It must be the incessant rambling, I’m sure.”

Nancy laughed softly. 

“We went to college together. We moved in together. We build a home and we build a life. And Nancy Wheeler, it is better than anything I could have wished for. I love waking up next to you, whether it’s at 10 am, 6 am or 3am. I love holding you through our shared nights. I love spending hours debating which movie to watch just for you to fall asleep during the opening credits. I love when you complain about work almost as much as when you talk about it with pride. I love reading the first drafts of your articles. I love spending my time with you. And frankly, I can’t wait to keep doing it. I can’t wait to wake up next to you every single day of my life. Because most of all Nancy, I love you. And I vow to keep loving you till the day I die.” 

Nancy couldn’t help but blink away the tears that were forming in her eyes. “Is it my turn now?” She asked, her voice barely audible. 

“Yes.” 

“God Robin, I love you.” She breathed. “I can’t-” Her voice faltered. The instant those two words escaped her mouth, Robin’s smile vanished. 

“We don’t have to. Just say the word and we’ll pretend this never happened.” Robin had lowered her voice to a whisper. 

“Robin, I- I do want this.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, staring into those kind blue eyes that had never been more unsure. “This world isn’t kind to people like us. It isn’t kind to women in general. But Robin, when I get home and see your smile I don’t care about any of that. You make the rest of the world disappear and there is nothing I want more than to stand here with you today and declare how much I love you because Robin, my heart aches when I’m away from you and I’m convinced it shouldn’t continue doing that after being together for this long. I wish the world was different. I wish we could sign that stupid document that would bind us together legally. I wish I could take you to the office Christmas parties instead of having to pretend I’m still waiting for the right man. But you know what, fuck all of that. What we have is between us. And that’s all it has to be. And I vow to cherish every moment we get to spend together. And when one day in the near or far future the world eases up on us like you so believe, I vow to marry you again.” 

“Murray?” Robin said without looking away from Nancy. “Please tell me this is the part where I get to kiss the bride. Because I don’t know how long I can contain myself.” 

“No, no. First it’s the rings. Robin- Wait what is your middle name?” 

“No middle names.” Nancy and Robin replied in unison. 

“Okay. Robin Buckley, do you take Nancy Wheeler as your wife?” Murray asked.

“I do.” She said as Nancy slid a thin gold band around her left ring finger. 

“And do you, Nancy Wheeler, take Robin Buckley as your wife?” 

“I do.” Robin pushed the ring on Nancy’s finger with a soft sigh.

“Then by the power invested in me by your good faith, I pronounce you wife and wife. You may kiss the bride.” 

Robin closed the gap between them, pressing her lips against Nancy’s.

[romanarose]

Happy Valentine’s Day! 💖

How are the couples in the Leather and Lace universe celebrating? (or are they celebrating at all???)

Sorry this is so late! I hope you had a great day! Forgive my typing my laptop took a shit on me on v day so Im typing on an unfamiliar one lol

Warms my heart people still care about this universe!!!!

I have Leather and Lace Valentine’s Day special from last year!

As for the whole gang, let’s see….

This will be a brief sneak peek into the future, as canonically the universe is at abouuuttt June/julyish? There’s some creative liberty there😂

Previous day there was no Lore, and I think everyone wants lore ♥️ and by the time next v day comes, there will be no Alice and Ben will be happy with Cam so, welcome to the LaL universe Cameron!!

Mentions of addiction bulimia abuse smut

Santi and Laci

All the cutesy. Santi knows Lacina is a lover of cheesy romance so last year it was dinner. However now they have a baby. Doesn’t mean romance is dead however! After their strain over the summer Santi refuses to let Laci feel less than, esp after giving birth to Leto.

Leto is a few months old, I think approaching 6 months, and Laci has just started back at work. When she comes home, Santi has the whole dinner set up with candles and lights. Laci feels bad when she has to pause dinner to feed Leto but Santi thinks there’s nothing more beautiful than his wife breastfeeding his son. His heart is so full and happy, he couldn’t imagine a better day, even as he burps the tiny baby.

Of course, Laci isn't going to forget him either. Laci buys him the first bouquet of flowers he's gotten outside of his mom and Fatima's deaths. And, ofc, bc it's them, they make love that night. Laci is tired but they do their fav none intercourse activity and do hand stuff while making out. It always feels intimate and close.

Frankie and Jana

Just because they've been together more or less 15 years, doesn't mean Jana isn't slacking on making sure Frankie, and year and a half clear despite the stress of two children, feels loved. He's so good to her, going above and beyond during her pregnancy, finishing her doctorate, and handling both a newborn and a 3 year old. Jana was not the type of woman to congratulate a man on doing basic parenting, but christ he was amazing. Both were still on maternity leave, little Max being maybe 2 months old? Ish? Frankie would be going back to work part time soon just to keep a schedule, but would largely be a stay at home dad. She knew it wasn't easy and wanted to make sure he was so, so loved. So, under the guise of feeding Max, Jana sneaks out of the room and gets working on breakfast.

"Hi mommy, are you making me pancakes?" A sleepy Rosie toddled out in her doc McStuffins PJ's"

"Lo siento mija, did I wake you?"

"No." Rosie shook her head. Quería saludar a Max pero estaba durmiendo."

"Ah, I see. Would you like to help me cook for daddy?"

Rosie excitedly said yes, and after little bit they brought Frankie breakfast in bed. His eyes woke with a start, still protective of Jana even though she was past the 6 weeks of a c-section recovery.

"Baby, what are you-" he started to stand but as instructed Rosie ran up and pinned him down. Rosie explained the food they made while Jana got a crying Max. When all four were settled into bed, they eat together, Frankie feeding Jana as she breastfed Max. And don't you worry, once Max and Rose were down for a nap, Frankie gave Jana her Valentines Day gift. about 6 or 7 of them.

Will and Lorelei

Lore and Will had no issues giving Chloe away for a few hours.

Make no mistake, they adored their daughter, Lore loving to watch Chloe learn knew things about the world around her and Will was so wonderful when he played with her. Chloe would never have to wonder her worth the way Lorelei and Will did, they'd protect her the best they could from what they and their friends had endured.

No they loved Chloe Sen. However, they were comfortable taking time off. Lorelei had given birth in late July, and had a speedy recovery, making a mile run two weeks postpartum. This was not because of her eating issues (okay maybe baby weight was a small factor but she was working on it, okay?) more importantly, she needed to be ready to help run the farm for harvest season. Mrs. Miller would be watching Chloe Sen tonight for a few hours while Will took Lore out to dinner just as she had over harvest.

Lorelei had never been somewhere so fancy. She was dressed up in a dress Will said was "fit to attend the Oscar's with James Dean" never mind Dean's Oscar win was posthumous, but the compliment felt nice. Lorelei loved the traditional schtick, even if she told him she didn't need anything, that having a family was enough. Will, of course, would never let that slide. He also bought her jewelry, and he was the first man who didn't fumble that bag, getting her a classy tennis bracelet that matched her silvery dress. Lorelei's red dress was not fitting right with her breastfeeding boobs, and once thing about Lorelei Yen Giang, she did not where pink.

Lorelei's gift surprised Will. Not that Lorelei couldn't be sweet or tender; Lorelei always showed Will her love in her own love language, but gift giving was not one. She gives him a framed picture, something Laci had snapped at the beach day last summer. Lorelei wasn't showing in her swimsuit yet, Will had his shirt on. Despite the tension of those early months, Lorelei had forgotten how much she and Will still had fun. They were sitting on beach towels, Lorelei's head thrown back laughing, black hair cascading down. Will was grinning ear to ear.

"I love it, Lore..." Will says, smiling brightly.

If Lorelei didn't have make up on, she'd be blushing.

"I love you, William. I know there were so many reservations from my side early on but all these months later, you prove me wrong every single day. You are exactly the kind of man I saw you as, no tricks, no games."

Will kissed her tenderly. "And you, princess, blow me away every single day."

There was no sex that night, Chloe not having fallen asleep for her grandma nor a few hours after, keeping them both up. But Lorelei feel asleep with her loving boyfriends arms around her, and that was enough.

Benny and Cameron.

It was all so new. Being the off season, Ben and Cam were somewhere in Arizona, fucking the entire day away in Cam's van. Ben was still worried about the other ball dropping, for something in Cam to switch. For him to leave again or for him to hurt him like Alice. Things weren't easy peasy; Ben was still relapsing on bulimia and drinking, but the recovery periods were getting longer and Cam was always quick to assure him relapse is a normal part of recovery. Frankie quit coke cold turkey, but that's because he had a scare. it'd take Ben some time, but Cam would be there every step.

As soon as Cam woke after a long nap to Ben in the kitchenette, listening to him clanging around trying to cook he knew Ben was having a bad day. When he opened the curtain to find the living space/kitchen a massive mess, with food everywhere in Ben's attempt at cooking and a table set up of half-made crafts, he knew it was Ben's ADHD. He was trying to get Ben to warm up to the idea of trying meds again, but once step at a time.

"Baby?" Cam called, and Ben wiped around, eyes wide as he began sputtering.

"I'm sorry! Im sorry I was trying to make breakfast and also this craft I saw on printers and also this other one then the bacon was burning and-"

"Baby, can I hold you?"

Ben blinked at him, looking nervous. He wasn't used to people asking if they could touch him. "Oh. Um... no I don't think so."

Cam smiled, happy Ben felt comfortable enough, trusted him enough to communicate. "Thank you for telling me. Benny, does this have something to do with Valentine's Day?"

He hesitated but admitted yes. "I love you so goddamn much Cam and we've been on the road so I haven't hardly been aware the month let alone the year... Then all of a sudden I wake up and its the 14th and you've been just... just the fucking best. I don't want you to feel like I don't appreciate you..."

Cameron listened until he was sure Ben was done. "Would it help if we just... pretended today was another day? I swear, just you being here..."

"No! Cam let me do something nice for you."

"Something nice for me," He started slowly. "Is you being nice to yourself. Listen, my birthday is coming up, if you really want to, not saying you have to, but if you really want to you can go all out that day. But what I really, really want..." He reached out his hands, which Ben took. "Is to eat this burnt bacon, tape this half-made craft to my wall, and then get back into bed with the love of me life that I thought I'd never get to hold again. What do you think."

Ben paused, allowing himself to absorb Cam's words. Cam din't want anything from him outside of his love, fidelity, and company. He didn't want ben's money, didn't want him to change or hide self, and although they certainly had fantastic sex, if Ben wasn't feeling it he could say no, but Cam usually picked up on it before hand.

"Okay, yeah, that sounds good..."

"Good." Cam smiled and reached behind Ben. "I like my bacon extra crispy."

*******

Happy v day!!!!

tagging a few peeps who still interact with the all universe

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @missdictatorme @ivystoryweaver @pimosworld @miraclesabound @poeedameronn@itspdameronthings @whatthefishh

[fangirlinsince1998]

Rooftop escape

Hi guys. I literally have not written in about 2 years but had this weird as fantasy in the middle of class today (yes blame me and call a girl out) it is PURE FILTH of Ashton. So enjoy. 4.1K

I was dragging my feet towards my favourite rooftop bar. The last week had been upright hell; nothing could describe it better. I had picked a fight with my best friend over something that was so irrelevant (and now far too stubborn to make up) and had been broken up with by my situationship. I know, situationship, but this had been going on for about 7 months, so maybe I was absolutely off better without someone who wouldn’t even claim me as their own.

           Not to throw a pity party but that is why my feet were dragging towards the hotel’s luxurious rooftop bar. I deserved it. I deserved to sit just for one night to wallow in my own feelings whilst drinking a pint of my favourite beer and stare over the city.

The elevator chimed as we reached the 17th floor. There was a chill in the air but the October evening was beautiful and autumnal. Not a lot of people were situated on the roof but the waiter greeted me with a friendly smile and showed me to a table in the far corner. I thanked him briefly and sat down, grabbing my book and ordering a nice IPA. I know, who even am I, sitting with a book, in a bar by herself, but I needed this time right now, to not think about anything that was going on, and since it wasn’t busy at the bar I felt less watched and judged. The whole ‘you shouldn’t care what people think’ attitude had gotten on my last nerve, because I do care, I do care what people think of me and I will absolutely feel judged and called out.

           The waiter came over with the beer as I flipped a page: “just let me know if you need anything else, I’ll be right over there” he pointed by the entrance to the hotel. I nodded with a smile “thank you very much” as my eyes drifted back to the book. As I was sipping the beer I kept reading over the same sentences again and again without taking in what the words were saying. I sighed and put the book down, stole a few glances around, the bar had gotten a bit more crowded as the darkness was falling. I pulled out my tobacco and started rolling a cigarette as my phone chimed:

           I think we need to talk

That was all it said. The sender being the guy that had not even had the guts to ask me out properly. I sighed again and rubbed my eyes.

           There is nothing to talk about

I typed out and hit send before I could even overthink it. I deserved better, and I had finally realised that. It did take a breakup and a week of crying but deep down I knew that this was for the better. I rested my head in my hands for a few seconds before grabbing my lighter and lighting my cigarette. The smoke filling my lungs as my phone vibrated again, I rolled my eyes and looked down

           I know I made the call, but I regret now, I miss you

Obviously, he misses me, it’s a Friday night at 9pm, it is probably because he doesn’t want to go out or open up tinder to find another person to hook up with. I blew a puff of smoke out as I locked the phone again, not even taking the energy to respond to the message. Who does that. My heart ached at the thought, who just breaks up with someone just like that, and then a week later comes to terms with that that wasn’t what they wanted. Unreal.

           “Can I buy you a refill, you look like you need it” a voice chimed in with a small hint of a smile in the tone. I looked up as I took another drag of my cigarette, staring at the not even just handsome, but beautiful man in front of me: “Is it that obvious that I need one?” I chimed back. He chuckled softly brushing his curls out of his face, “is it rude if I say yes?” I smiled at the response, humour, “well kind of but you are also absolutely right”. He stood still watching me for a second as I took another drag of the cigarette, almost finishing it off, “wanna talk about it?” I looked at him, “you know, I normally don’t do myself in spilling my guts to strangers”, my defences where kicking in a little but I was also intrigued by the sheer boldness of the handsome man.

           “Well what about spilling your guts to a friend?” he reached his hand out, as if we had meant to be meeting, “Ashton”, I smiled as I took his hand. His hand being almost the double of mine, his fingertips feeling rough against my palm as he slid his hand into mine, “you know, that doesn’t sound too bad” I smiled, “Y/N”. His face broke into a grin as he retreated his hand and turned around, “ill grab you that drink”.

Here we were 3 hours later, had chatted through literally every single topic in the world. He had heard the story about my ex-situation and my best friend, and probably every single scenario that had caused hurt in the last 2 years of my life, whilst he had shared his insecurities about his lifestyle as a musician, being sober and ex-partners. I was on my 4th pint as he rolled up a joint for himself. He held it towards me “want a puff?” I giggled, heat rising to my cheeks, “no I don’t really smoke, it makes me super anxious”, he grinned, “well pick your poison I guess”, I held my glass up, “cheers to that”.

           Under the table his legs extended and brushed against mine, a small sigh left my lips as I dwelled on the innocent move. His eyes locked with mine, staring me down, as if he was staring deep into my soul. His leg brushing up against mine again. This time it had to be on purpose. He took a long drag from is joint. I don’t know if it was the few drinks that gave me the courage, but the words left my mouth before I could even stop them: “You do this often?” he raised an eyebrow as he exhaled the smoke in my direction, “what do you mean,” “I mean come to the rooftop bars of hotels, use your rockstar charm to get to know girls, making it seem all innocent,” “You think I have rockstar charm?” I rolled my eyes “that was absolutely not what I needed you to focus on in that question,” he chuckled and hummed, the sound going straight to my brain and core. His foot hooked behind my leg and pulled it closer to him. My breathing stopped for just a split second before he continued:

           “No Y/N, I don’t do this often,” he leaned back as he finished his joint, “so what makes this time different,” I held my breath, not wanting to push him too far, “who would I be to pass on a pretty face like yours when you’re sitting here by yourself” my cheeks started to heat up as I kept eye contact with him, “I have a pretty face?” it was his turn to roll his eyes, “that is what you focused on in that sentence,” I leaned in on my elbows closer to him, “yes that is what I will focus on”, he copied my movements and moved in closer to me, his chin resting on his palms, the tension in the air filling with electricity as his other leg hooked behind my other under the table,

           “yes baby, you have a fucking pretty face, and you don’t need me to tell you that,” I could feel his eyes going from my eyes to my lips and back up again. His tongue poked out as he licked his lips. My eyes following his every move. “So do you,” I blurted out, “I have a pretty face?” his voice low, I leaned in a little closer and whispered “you don’t even know” from here I could see every freckle on his face and every little frown line he had as he was staring me down. His face inching closer to mine, and for just a second I thought he was going to kiss me there and then. But he pulled back, breaking the connection just a little bit as he cleared his throat, “this is really going to sound like I do this often, but I do have a hotel room in the hotel if you want to relocate, it is getting quite chilly,” a small giggle left my lips, “quite chilly” I murmured, we both knew that was absolute bs but I took it, “yeah babe, that sounds like a plan,” a look of relief washed over his face as he pushed himself away from the table and stood up waiting for me.

I packed my book back into my bag and grabbed my phone heading towards him. His eyes locked with mine, and just for a second the whole world disappeared around us. In that moment, it was only us. A feeling I hadn’t felt in a while, but maybe it was just the alcohol speaking and the fact that the tall handsome man was walking next to me. He glanced down at me as he pressed the elevator button. Few seconds passed and the doors opened smoothly. We got in on opposite sides, as he pressed the button 10.

           I couldn’t for the life of me figure out if the tension in the air was awkward or if it was the sexual frustration of two adults not knowing what we were getting ourselves into. I gazed over at him and met his eyes instantly. His eyes locked straight into mine as he had already been staring.

           “Fuck it,” he whispered as he crossed the elevator in a big stride and pushed me up against the wall as his lips crashed against mine. For just a split second I was flabbergasted, not too sure what was going on, but it was only that one second it took before my hands grasped at his roots as I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss. He broke away for a moment to catch his breath before leaning back in, this time taking his time. His lips moulded into mine as he sucked onto my bottom left. A soft whine escaped my lips as he pushed he harder into the wall behind me. His body firm and big against mine. I opened my mouth further as his tongue slowly slipped into my mouth, timid and exploring; taking his time as he deepened the kiss. The ding of the elevator got us pushing each other away and taking deep frantic breaths.

           He looked at me and started laughing softly, “I’m sorry,” he paused “I just couldn’t help myself,” I looked him dead in the eye as I responded “good,” “good” he said back is he grabbed for my hand and dragged me out the open doors towards one of the room doors.

As soon as the key card opened the door he was on me again. My centre pulsating at the mere thought of this stunning man claiming his mouth on mine. He slammed shut the door as he unbuttoned my jacket I was wearing, throwing it down behind him carelessly and pushing me against the wall. His hands groping for my wrists finally finding them and guiding the above my head, “I know we haven’t talked this through” he whispered in my ear, goosebumps erupting all over my body, “and I need you to tell me if anything is not working for you,” I swallowed “but all I can think about is how badly I need to fuck you,” not sure to even test the waters on what this man was into I just spoke my mind, “I need you to do that, hard and rough, can you do that for me baby,” I moaned back as his lips latched onto my neck.

           He paused for just a second which made me think I had said something wrong, or that he wasn’t into rough sex, but then I could physically feel his lips curving up in a smile, “oh look at who is being a good girl, are you sure you can handle that,” I had to squeeze my thighs together as the words good girl reached my ears, “why don’t you see for yourself Ashton, and I’ll show you what a good girl I can be,” as the words left my mouth he moaned out loud. I don’t think I have every heard anything quite as attractive before, but he didn’t even give me time to dwell upon it before his lips were back on mine, his tongue invading my mouth deliciously. I moaned in response, trying to get my hands away from his grasp to touch him.

He shook his head as he released my hands that instantly fell to his jacket and started unzipping it. I dropped to the floor, just as the same time he did. Down on his knees, my hands now in his hair as I looked at him in anticipation. I tucked on the roots as he let out a growl, before dragging his large hands from my ankles, up my thighs and under my skirt. He pulled at the nylon tights I was wearing and tore them down my legs in a swift motion. His breath was fanning over my core, I could feel it even through the layer of my skirt and my cotton thong I was wearing. I closed my eyes briefly, but opened them quickly as his palms spread out over my thighs, the tips of his fingers lingering at the hem of my thong.

“Eyes on me,” he commanded, I gulped, as I my eyes found his again, pupils fully blown as he lifted my skirt and scrunched it in his hands, making our eye contact last. His face leaned in closer as his poked out his tongue and licked a strip from my clothed core to my clit. Even through the fabric of my panties and obscene moan left my lips. His nose nudged my clit as he went in one more time, dampening my underwear even more than it already was. I pulled at his hair, and his hum in response made my knees buckle and my eyes shut.

“Didn’t I say eyes on me,” he spoke harshly, clearly watching my every move, “yes” I breathed out. He pulled his face away from my still clothed core “I thought you were going to be a good girl for me,” I swallowed harshly, “I am,” I breathed out, fully knowing this was not the response he wanted from me.

           “I don’t think you are,” he got to his feet swiftly, towering over me pushing me towards the desk, bumping me into it harshly. I let out a gasp, his hands let go of my skirt and travelled up my body, dragging my top off and throwing it on the floor with the other discarded items. His hands cupping my breasts before on travelled up to my mouth, tracing my lips before gently pushing the digits in. I moaned as I took the invitation and sucked his thumb into my mouth with pleasure and for just a second his eyes glazed over as I worked my tongue over his fingers sucking it harshly, imagining what I’d rather have in my mouth instead. His other hand travelling up the valley of my breast towards my neck.

           We both knew this was unspoken territory and he was testing the waters, and as my eyes darkened as his big hand wrapped around my neck he smiled, “you are full of surprises” he exhaled as I let go off his finger to let out a strangled breath whilst he put more pressure on my throat. “Look at you,” he whispered as he dragged is finger down my breasts and over my hardened nipples. He spun me around harshly, making me face the mirror behind us “no literally, look at you,”

I made eye contact with myself in the mirror, as his hand around my throat lifted me towards him, his front pressing against my back, as he got closed and slowly bit down on my earlobe. His breath fanning across the side of my face made me moan again, the tension in the air was unbearable. I needed him now. Right now. My eyes took him in behind me, his large frame draped over mine, his hand squeezing my throat harder as for just a second my breath stopped. Every single cell in my body was tingling waiting for his next move.

           “You’re looking so fucking pretty for me, all desperate,” he sighed as he rutted against me. I could feel his hard on press against my back side, “are you gonna do something about it, or does a girl have to do everything by herself” I shot back. He pulled me closer to him as his hips started grinding into me harder. “Watch your mouth,” He responded, “or else?” I shot back, “be a good boy for me and fuck me,”.

           Even to that he had no come back as his hands left my body for a split second to unbuckle his belt and pull down his pants. His fingers hooked in my thong pulling it to the side. I was watching him through the mirror as he stared down at my heat, probably at this point drenching me so badly it could probably be seen smeared on the insides of my thighs. “What has gotten you this wet baby,” his eyes locked with mine through the mirror, and just as I was about to respond, he dragged his fingers down my slick folds.

           I moaned out loud, not being able to stop myself, his eyes never leaving my face, “you.” I breathed out. “You have gotten me this wet, since the moment you sat down at that stupid table”. He chuckled clearly happy with the response. Bringing his fingers to his mouth, sucking the two digits in, he hummed in response, my eyes glued to his every move, “tasting even better than I imagined,”

“You know what, I think I’d feel even better than you’d imagined too,” he tutted, “getting impatient are we now,” his tip slowly dragging through my folds, and just before I could respond he pressed his tip in. My head fell down hanging on my shoulders as I moaned out. I had always been vocal but the noises this man was hearing was far more than I normally let out. I just couldn’t help it, he lit every single part of my body on fire, making me more alert than ever.

           “yes just like that baby,” I whispered as I lifted my head back up to look at him, His eyes staring down at were our bodies were connected. He pushed in further, my heat clenching around him harder than ever, burning but in the most delicious way. “Yes you’re taking me so well,” he breathed out, as he also bottomed out. To say I was so wet I was dripping down my thighs was an understatement, making his entrance smooth.

           “Look at me while I fuck you” he moaned out as he pulled out and slammed back in. I sighed in relief as he started pounding into me. My boobs moving back and forth harshly before his one hand grabbing me under them pulling me flush against him. “I fucking love this” he moaned as he through the mirror was eyeing my nipple piercing adorning my right breast. Our eyes met in the mirror as his other hand grabbed my hair pulling it harshly to get me closer to him, if even physically possible. I swore under my breath as a stream of profanities and praises “yes Ash, just like that, don’t stop” and obviously feeding into my praises to the fullest he moaned out louder “you feel fucking incredible,” as he sped up, thrusting into me harder.

           The vein on the underside of his cock rubbing against my walls so harshly I wasn’t even sure how long I’d last. His hand from my breast apparently read my mind as it snaked its way down my stomach as he toyed with my clot, “yes, cum for me,” he let out a strangled breath, “I can feel you are close,” I moaned at the pure attention he was giving to me, eating it up and for a brief second just thinking, man I really deserved someone like this always, someone who pays attention and makes it happen. But before the stream of thought could continue he head fell against my shoulder has he pounded into me, my knees turning into jelly as he bit down on my neck. I moaned louder, “fuck,” I gasped out as he latched his tongue over his bite mark. His lips afterwards connecting further with my neck, sucking and biting down as his rhythm was slowing down.

           “Ashton,” I moaned out, his eyes shotting up meeting mine in the mirror, “I’m so close,” I whispered, and as if he just fully understood “what do you need from me,” he panted in between thrusts. “Your hands,” I whispered as my core was tightening, “what about them baby, tell me where you need them,” even in this moment his teasing didn’t stop.

           “Around my neck,” he hummed clearly waiting for me to beg, and I gladly did at this point, “please choke, me, please I need your hands on my throat,” he smiled as he picked up his thrusts going into me harder, his front slapping into my ass hardly clearly chasing his own high.

His hands settled on my neck, as just as he intensified the pressure of them on me, I came. And I came hard, moans and fucks leaving my mouth as he was fucking me through the orgasm. Even as my vision started to clear up again, his hand still squeezing my neck, I reached up behind me, and grabbed his hair, pulling harshly, my lips catching his in an awkward open mouthed kiss just needing him closer, needing to taste him.

           His forehead hit mine as our sweaty skin connected, “come on baby, cum for me” I whispered as he pounded into me further. “Be a good boy,” I continued and apparently that was all he needed as well, he pulled out swiftly and spilled his hot cum on my backside as the most delicious moans were leaving his lips.

           I stared at him transfixed by his beauty has his eyes were wired shut as he came down from his high. His body collapsing over mine in an instant. His breath fanning against the side of my face as our breathing synchronized of us both coming down from our highs.

He lifted his head to look at me, a grin spreading all over his face as he blew a strand of curly hair away from his forehead, as he pealed himself away from me. I sighed at the loss of his body against mine but was quickly turned around. He was facing me his hands cupping my cheeks, as bent down and planted a slow and steady kiss on my mouth, lingering on the feeling.

           “You are fucking incredible, do you know that” I smiled as I kissed him again, opening my mouth and let his tongue explore mine. Not rushing through it this time, taking our time, exploring each other with more care. My heart swelled at the act. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” he sighed, sounding almost as sad as I felt about not kissing him anymore. Something in me was aching, “and then let’s go to bed” he continued reading my thoughts once again; as if he felt the sadness of the hook-up being over and separating our ways. I smiled gently as I cupped his face, and kissed him slowly, “that sounds wonderful,”

To be continued…..

[originalwinnercheesecake]

The Owl House Watching and Dreaming Analysis. (Spoilers)

Its over. Its been around 3 years and now its over. Well like Luz says its time for a new chapter now. The majority of my tag is posts about the owl house, and now I have to find a new thing to post on. I like Molly Magee, but so far not enough to spend hours typing out analysis and theories. I got into Ducktales 2 years late and, it has me going through Disney plus to find more shows about the wacky highjinks of the duck family, so if that corner of the Disney fandom is still alive maybe I will pop in their from time to time. I also happen to like a few live action shows.

But before that I want to close out the owl house with 1 (possibly a coupe more posts). This one is my recount and review of the Owl Houses final episode, and will focus on the families and connections at the end, as I feel they were the most important part of the episode, Warning long post and spoilers below.

I will start off with talking about Meeting Kings father and what we learned about Titans. We have comfirmation now that Titans do not have spouces/mates and reproduce Asexually. King’s dad did not object to being refered to as Dad, but was term wise both his dad and mom. Two things: 1 does this mean King (who doesn’t need labels right now because he is only 8) will grow up to be aroace, like Lilith? 2 this is confirmation that he will still be able to become a parent 1 day, which I am glad about, because we know he will outlive Eda, Lilith, and Luz and this way we know he will still be able to have a family again after they pass on. Also we now have confirmation that the baby titan skulls in the trapers room were kings brothers and sisters. Were the Full grown ones his oldest siblings or were they his dad’s siblings. Also the owl beast. I knew it...they? Were a titan, and that were were probably the last living one Bill mentioned since king as an egg couldn’t cry or run, and was still being hidden. At first I thought they might be his parent, but it looks like they are actually either his older sibling or his aunt/uncle... They are still inside his mom and aunt, so they are a part of his life.

So now on to King’s Dad as a parent. Because the Titans heart was still beating he actually was not completely gone. His spirit was alive in the in between realms and was watching over King, is shown to be delighted that his son found such a nice family to raise him, and is confirmed to have had a bit of a hand guiding Luz in how quickly she learned glyphs and wild magic. This all feels like methaphors for Heaven and Guardian Angels. I do not know what Dana belives or if she belives in anything. She certainly hasn’t been shy about making metaphors to the bad parts of religon/christianity. But i am glad she also made these refrences loving and positive. They can be comforting to those that have lost loved ones.

Now on to the Collector. First the older collectors aren’t his gaurdians, they are his older siblings. From their point of view the war between titans and collectors was just them being mean and breaking their baby brothers toys. Okay, they are jerks, and it was a horrible thing to do, but okay the show didn’t go full on SU diamonds parasitic route. This makes me feel a bit better about how our collectors arc ended. King’s family and He forgave each other and are good friends, the collector is confirmed to come visit them from time to time, but he went back to the Star’s to finish growing up. His siblings better feel bad about him having been stuck in thousand year time out because of them, and better leave his new friends alone now. Him going back was one of the three options I felt were possible and while not perfect I genuienly do think it was the best one. The collector was ultimelty to powerful to live on the isles full time without hurting someone, and with all the repairs and rebuilding needed to be done Eda and Raine did not have the time needed to watch him as much as he needed.

No lets go on To Luz. She moved back to the Human realm to live with her mother and sister, and graduate from earth school in graves field. It also looks like Camila was able to eventually forge the documents needed to adopt Vee in the human realm and send her to school with Luz. But we can see that a permenent portal was opened at the old house (how can Camila afford two houses on her single parent vetenairy income? Did she pay in snails and the seller think she had gold?). Luz, Camilia, and eventually Vee (wonder how long that took) made visitations to the demon realm. Luz had the option to chose which realm she wanted to live in once she grew up. It also looks like Eda got upgraded from being Luz’s temporary host parent to being like a God mothe rto her. Camila will always be Luz’s real mother, but Eda still getting to stay in their lives as support is for the best. Camilia and Luz went through so much when Manny died and they were struggling to deal with it by themsleves. I said in an earlier post that I believe the owl house to ultimately be about finding a community that is suportive of you. Camila, Luz, and Vee did not have that before, but they do now.

Now on to Hunter. So the final hints very strongly that he was adopted by Darius, not Camila, and not Eda (who FYI had no positive interactions with Hunter and should not have been considered as heavily as she was by fans). This again makes the most sense. While watchig Thanks to them when Hunter is mentioned to be happy and doing well in the human world I was like “Alright the story still works great if Hunter becomes Hunter Noceda. Darius can just be a mentor to him if he goes back to the iles in summers”. But then when he described the life he wanted at the end of the episode I was confused because everything he said was things he could only do in the demon realm. He wanted to go back perminently. I doubt Camila will ever want to fully live in the demon realm, Luz did probably need to live in both worlds until she was an adult to fully make a fair choice, and you know it took months/years for Vee to step foot there. I still hope Camila got to be Hunters God mom or was in his life as a surogate Aunt. Hey Darius and Eberwolf are implied to have become like Police officers, dedicated to stoping suporters of Belos’s system fromt trying to reinstate it. It thoretically could have been possible that they would be away for stretches and Hunter would need another adult to stay with some of the time.

Reminder of what Darius and Hunter’s relationship was like since a lot of it had to develop off screen. Darius and Hunter are strongly hinted to have started spending more time together post ASIAS, by Hollow Minds Darius had grown so fond of Hunter that he was ready to abort his cover to help him. When Hunter ran away from the EC Darius is confirmed to have tracked him down to ensure he was safe, and Hunter was comfortable leaving his hiding place to go on a mission Darius gave him (protect Luz while she went to break Amity out of the manor). Hunter was very worried/scared when he saw Darius on the stage at the Day of Unity. Also while Hunter did not put Darius’s picture on the wall he started sewing every piece of fabric he could find in the Noceda’s basement and would talk about how this was something he practiced with Darius. So he clearly missed him, but I do not think he realized how much Darius and Eberwolf missed HIM until they came looking for him after waking up. On the subject of Eberwolf and Hunter, I have seen the headcannon that Eberwolf calls Hunter pup/cub but can we as a fandom please come up with a term Hunter uses for Eberwolf. there is no way they call each other “Uncle” and “Nephew”. Those are definitly trigger word for Hunter.

Also the Blue bird Palisman Hunter eventually carved himself. I am glad its a bird, because Hunter had Palisman as therapy/support animals and birds were the animal he was most comfortable with. I want to name his new bird Bananas. Since Bananas, like Flapjacks, were a human food he was unfirmilar with in the demon realm. I am also so glad that show let him grieve Flapjack and take his time before getting a new palisman. Flapjack was Hunters biggest support during his darkest time and I was so afraid that they would trivialize his lose due to the shortened season. But no not only did they give him a grave that got visitited, not only did Hunter get a tattoo of Flapjack, but so did Willow and Luz, maybe Gus and Amity as well. Flapjack was so loved and so missed, as he should be.

 On to Alador x Darius. I ship the couple but I am so glad how it was handled, with them basically being confirmed to not get together for another 3-4 years. As cute as their dynamic is, it would have been extstreamly problamatic for them to get together soon after the battle with Belos. Alador was just getting out of a long, abusive, marriage. While we do not get a chance to fully explore Darius’s character and what caused him to close himself off from his old friends, we know he was working through some things and closing a chapter on a mission that had been a big focus f his life. Not to mention that both men had teenagrs who had been tramatized and needed/deserved to be their dad’s full focus for the time being. So for that I am glad we did not get the Blight-Deammone step family.

One kinda nice twist was that Alador decided he wanted to build medical machines and Emira was the child that ended up working with him. Emira was the child who seemed to have the least in common with Alador so I liked that they eventualy had something they could do together. A stranger surprise was Amity and Lilith’s reunion, and the strong hints that they started working together again and bonded. Dana dropped them being Mentor and protage like a hot potato after Covention day and was quick to post that they were never close/did not like each other when asked. So its kinda strange that she suddenly had them start caring and tried to portray Lilith as a strong female figure in Amity’s life after her seperating completely from Odalia. This is the big thing I feel should have been either explored more or dropped.

Lastly reagrding the end credits; I am upset that for how many clips we saw of both Steve and Matt towards the end we did not get a single on of them reuniting or together. Come on Show Why. That said I love the jobs they were shown to have afterwards. I expected Steve to maybe get an internship/assistant job at the museum with Lilith, since they were such good friends. Seeing him, still friends with Lilith, but also with the Catt’s and working to rehabilitate other coven scouts was so much better. And finding out that Matt became a hotshot architectural designer on the isles is just perfect. Also I spent 3/4ths of the End credits going “Where is Gus. Do not leave him out of this time jump”. Then I find out he graduated early and was teaching students about the human realm at Eda, Raine, and Lilith’s new university. The little genius. They’re is no confirmation that he and Matt ever got together, but Oh well. Maybe they did and are just not into PDA? maybe did and broke up/were on a break? Maybe they only ever stayed friends? It was my second favorite ship (besides Lumity) but if it didn’t happen that’s okay.

All in All this was the owl house final. It was exciting, intense, it tied up lose ends,and gave our charcters ends that while not perfect, where the best they could have been. Good job Dana. Good Job Owl House Crew. Thank you for the show. Its helped me a lot with getting through the past 3 years.

[relastelvanni]

📖 2022

The week leading up to Christmas 2021, I was unwell. I was feeling very fatigued and burnt out as we all were. There wasn’t a lot of sun so I was likely Vitamin D deficient, right? Also I somehow lost 10 lbs between October and December without trying which didn’t match what I was eating - probably stress? Oh, but I feel really thirsty, and I can’t seem to quench it… that’s an odd symptom I can’t explain with burnout. It was that symptom that made me test my fasting blood sugars and sure enough, they were way over into diabetic levels.

🚨

On Hogmanay as I rushed to get my booster before the bells, I also went to the GP as an emergency for my blood test. The results came back and my GP wanted to talk urgently. On Jan 5th I was officially diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and put onto metformin straight away. This began a whirlwind of a year.

On the outside I seemed calm, on the inside I was a ball of emotion, but mostly shame. Shame that after years of warnings this could happen, I had to tell people what had happened. I felt guilt for making people around me worry for my health. I wanted to prove to everyone that I was okay and they didn’t have to worry about me. Maybe not a healthy attitude to take but from the moment I left that Doctor’s surgery and took a 2.5 mile walk home, I decided I was going for remission, end of.

I immediately went on a low carb diet of 130g of carbs a day and stuck to it religiously, I did not break 130g or tried not to. No cheat days, no snacking. Again, perhaps not the healthiest thing to do but I couldn’t bring myself to eat high carbs again. I started walking a lot more, walking three miles home from work in the winter. I went swimming, I got a bike through the cycle to work scheme. But most of all was the diet. It was tough and there were times I felt like crying. But my head told me “I put myself in this situation, you don’t deserve sympathy”. Urgh, silly head.

But despite that negative mindset, the physical side improved quickly. My sugars fell rapidly most importantly and as a by-product, I lost 15 lbs in the first month, followed by another 15 lbs in the second, starting at 255 lbs and ending March around 210.

Now those who know me will know I had no problem with my weight before - I was very happy as a chubby person because I went on a journey over the past few years of learning to love my body, throw off the shame I held against my body and show it off at the beach and the pool etc. So the weight loss for me was such a sudden shift in mindset too. I was back very quickly to a body I had before I learned to love my body… and societal pressure came back. That’s been a struggle this year is loving my new body without need for validation externally.

But in terms of the diabetes, by the end of March, I had my hbA1c checked again… and I was no longer diabetic! I had managed, with the tablets, to get the diabetes into remission. I can’t tell you how proud I am to have got to this point. All the hard work and hardship I put my mental state through was worth the result.

Over the next three months I relaxed the diet a wee bit and let myself eat a little more, but no where near the levels I was at before. My weight finally stabilised at around 180 lbs which is where I’m at now, meaning in total from max weight, I’ve lost 85 lbs in the last year. But more importantly, at the end of June, my HbA1c was still at a non diabetic level, this time without medication.

Since June, my weight has been stable, my sugars are still down, I’ve taken up badminton 2-3 times a week to keep me active physically (and mentally too). I feel fantastic physically and I’m so happy I’ve managed to turn around the diabetes. I still need to work on my mental state and work on some of those troublesome feelings I had at the start of the year as well as others. But aye, long post, but I’m still here, still going. Hopefully 2023 I’ll stay in remission. All the best to everyone 💛

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Easier (The Crane Wives)

I learned to lie/I learned to grow/I learned to hold it for a while and then/Let it go/I learned to take/I learned to keep/Please tell me someday/I'll at least be able to sleep

"It's a double whammy because I started out applying it to a blorbo (Vash from Trigun) due to other lines in the song than the ones I submitted, namely the first two verses and choruses which I won't type out here but I highly recommend you look up the lyrics for. Then, I ended up applying it to myself due to the lyrics I submitted above. About a year and a few months ago I developed chronic vertigo due to a curve in my neck, or at least that's what I believe the cause to be. It's not always dizziness, most times it's just soreness from the pressure put on my neck and shoulder muscles, which has been made worse by my posture shifting due to only being able to sleep in one position. Recently things have been worse, and there were several nights where I couldn't just lay down and sleep, I had to wait for my medication to knock me out. Things have been a bit better, lately, but I still have to wait until I'm too tired to keep my eyes open before I even attempt trying to sleep or else I'll get a wave of dizziness. With those symptoms and the fact that I can't lay on my back or look straight up or sleep on any side but my stomach without becoming severely dizzy, I've been frequently looking back on my life and how I took such simple things for granted because I never thought I'd have trouble with them before I got old or something. It's likely that this condition is not unfixable, but we aren't sure just what WILL fix it yet. It'll take time, of course, if it is a posture issue like I believe it is, but I hold out hope that it won't be forever. Some nights it's just harder to hold onto that hope. So when I'm passing the time on a bad night by listening to my Trigun-themed playlist and Easier comes on, usually I have to skip it to avoid breaking down crying if I get to thinking too hard."

Spent Gladiator 2 (The Mountain Goats)

Stay alive/Maybe spit blood at the camera/Just stay alive

"It's a song about rock bottom. Sometimes life decides to completely and irreparably fuck you over and the hardest most painful thing you can do is stay alive. Do it anyway."

Spent Gladiator 2 submitted by @hubcaptastrophe

[autisticempathydaemon]

for your matchup game! thank you for doing these they look super fun though i’m sure you’re super busy with them lol!!

* my fave song in the last few weeks has been otherside which is a minecraft song. it’s got a sick beat drop and i like listening to it for focus music

* 2w1

* I don’t know about gargantuan BUT i do love a good video essay/deep dive. mike’s mics pretty little liars vids have been my go to the last few months

* i don’t actually remember having an imaginary friend :/ my parents said i had one, and most i can remember is we used to have tea parties

* i have to have asmr or some kind of ambient noise in order to fall asleep, and i also have to have my body pillow to hug or else i cannot sleep

* emily irene. it’s the name my parents were going to give me bc it honored their grandparents but my mom hated irene (my dads grandmothers name) so she refused. i’ve always wanted to change it to that.

* probably camping with your tsundere alpha werewolf boyfriend because it’s the first real time we’ve seen davey share memories about his dad in a peaceful way, which was really nice. also the scratch offs reminded me of my own dad bc it was something he used to do for me and my sisters and it made me cry after listening and i had to call him and tell him i missed him LOL

* james probably? i just haven’t rlly gotten around to listening to all of the audios with james anton and marcus yet (still p new to the fandom)

* howl’s moving castle

* damien. i think we could commiserate over a really nice chocolate cheesecake abt our mommy issues.

* internet drama i come across. i have a bad habit of digging myself down a rabbit hole of the most inane internet drama and then telling my best friend abt it when we’re both sleepy but not ready to SleepTM yet

* reese’s sticks and a dr pepper, or if i’m feeling savory it’s pringles and a dr pepper and if they have slushies/icees then it’s a cherry slushie/icee and whichever above snack i’m feeling

* i have a playlist called georgia peach which is a country music playlist i made of all the old music i grew up on. i like listening to it on warmer days when i’m on a drive

* a tie between the twilight movies and bbc sherlock but i feel like twilight is more um. socially accepted, at least on social media. bbc sherlock is only the first 2 seasons

* ummm i’m a libra. myer briggs type is infp. i’m autistic/have adhd. i have a black cat named pika whomst i love dearly, i used to love reading as a kid but i kind of fell off and i’ve been trying to get back into it recently, i’m a middle child, i like farming sim games and rpg games and narrative games (like telltale games) and romcoms and some light horror movies. my top 5 movies of all time are howl’s moving castle, pride and prejudice (2005), scream, pacific rim, and the princess bride. my top artist the last 7 years in a row on spotify was hozier. my current favorite author is emily henry. my love language for giving is quality time/gift giving, receiving is acts of service/quality time.

Anon, I am gently patting your cheeks, I adore you so. You’ve given me so much information to work with, and every bit that I got just further cemented my hypothesis that you’ve gotta be paired with Huxley.

Speed run, let’s go- Type Two’s are characterized by a desire to be loved and confident in that love; Huxley leaves no room for doubt. Your sisters would probably be protective and want the best boyfriend for you; does it get better than Huxley? You’ve got mommy issues; he’s got two amazing moms who’ll love you and heal them. You’re autistic; we’ve got proof Huxley’s awesome with autistic people (i.e Damien and Lasko).

You and Huxley would make each other so endlessly happy. I think both of you are big “Quality Time” people, so nothing makes you feel more loved than a simple, domestic weekend at home. Huxley loves those cozy, lazy days of cuddling your cat (which loves him duh) and reading together. The only kind of day he might like better is y’all going for a hike or leisurely drive together, singing along to country music on the radio. (He definitely has a soft spot for the same genre, having heard his moms listen to it when he was a kid.)

Song:

First time that I saw you, mmm/ You took my breath away/ I might not get to Heaven/ But I walked with the angels that day/ She takes me by the hand/ I am the luckiest man alive/ Did I tell you, baby/ You are the joy of my life?

Speaking of country, I love to imagine Huxley as a Chris Stapleton fan specifically. He’s just so quintessentially, classically country and writes the dreamiest love songs; I can totally see young!Huxley singing Tennessee Whiskey long before he ever drank alcohol. Now, he sings it and other Stapleton songs like this to you. (Badly, I might add. I like to headcanon that Huxley can’t hold a tune to save his life, but he pulls it off well.)

Runner-ups:

Asher would be a fun runner-up for you because I think y’all would have fun playing games, like next to each other and with each other, you know? Like, imagine running a Stardew farm with Asher; it’d be chaotic and amazing. I also like Lasko for you as a runner-up, because who better gets mommy issues than another person with mommy issues, you dig? /lh

note: Irene is such a cute name boooo anon’s mom /lh

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[verosvault]

🚨 Spoilers for Fantasy High Junior Year Episode 5 | My Live Reaction Commentary! 🚨

I saw @halevren do an AWESOME blog about their episode thoughts and I was also typing my live thoughts during the episode and decided to post mine as well! 😆😆🥲🥲👍👍

Legit help! It's 5am. I have work tomorrow and I can't freaking sleep cause I'm SO ADRENALINE- ANXIETY-THOUGHTS FROM THIS EPISODE! 😭✋

I love how funny episode 5 is starting off 😂😂

Brennan like..."no after bit???" 😂🤣💀

"Can she even run?" 😂😂

THESE CAPTIONS!!!

[KITSCHY MALL MUZAK]!! WHAT?! 😂😂

OMG! THE DOME IS SO PRETTY?!! 😱😱

I'm SO STUPID BECAUSE ONE OF MY EARLIER THEORIES ABOUT THIS MALL FROM THE FIRST TRAILER FOR FANTASY HIGH JUNIOR YEAR WAS THAT IT WAS AN UNDERWATER MALL CAUSE EVERYTHING WAS SO BLUE!!! 😂😂🤣🤣💀💀 EITHER AN UNDERWATER MALL OR LIKE...AN ICY MALL! 🤣🤣💀💀

OMG!!! ALL THE PUNNY MALL NAMES!!!:

-"THACO BELL"!!!

-"OCHRE JELLIOUS"

-"BARDS & NOBLES TOMEVENDORS???"

-"ARMOUR ZOMBIE & LICH"!!! 😭😭😭

Those spiky red things SCARE ME SO BAD! 💀💀💀💀

IT'S SO GOOD THAT- CAUSE WHEN I FIRST SAW THE TRAILER FOR FHJY! AND IN LIKE EPISODE 2 WHEN CASSANDRA HAD SOMETHING SHARP AND RED IN HER BODY OR IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT WHEN SHE WAS TALKING TO KRISTEN! I WAS LIKE "OMG! THOSE RED SPIKY THINGS FROM THE TRAILER IN THE BATTLE!" AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A DUMB THEORY BUT I WAS FREAKING RIGHT! 😭✋

Bro! This battlefield is insane!!

Cassandra is so mad 🥲🥲🥲

FIG'S COUNTERSPELL! RIP!

OMG! 😂 A GLEAMING ASTRAL SURVEILLANCE EARPIECE! CRYING! 😂

BRENNAN! WHAT DO YOU MEAN A SIGNIFICANT D4 ROLL AND IT'S A 1 AND THAT'S GOOD?! BRENNAN EXPLAIN PLZ RN!!! 😭😭😭

CASSANDRA IS SCARING ME FRRRRR!!!! 😭😭😭😭

Hmmm I'm wondering if the goal here is to try to get that sharp red thing out of all these people it went into? Or if they just kill the person? Cause it's like..these are technically innocent people...right???

KINETIC JAUNT!

FABIAN'S AC GOES UP TO 25?! 😱😱😱

OH DANG! THAT 13 IN THE BOX OF DOOM FOR LOU TO NEVER HAVE TO ROLL FOR FABIAN TO JUMP ON FURNITURE EVER AGAIN WAS SO BRUTAL! 😭✋

OH NO!!! IT'S KALINA'S TURN!!!

RIZ'S MINI LOOKS SO FREAKING GOOD!!!

YOOO!!! NAT20 STEALTH FROM RIZ!!! 😱😱

I LOVE HOW THEY PLAYED RIZ'S THEME SONG OVER HIS TURN!! I LOVE RIZ'S THEME MUSIC SO BAD!!! 😭😭✋✋

I love how Riz is just flossing with also the look of the MOST CONCERN EVER ON HIS FACE 😂 But he's just dancing and pretending to be happy 😂🤣💀

Ally constantly emphasizing that they knew nothing about D&d when they made their character and that they're stuck with a character who has a -3 to Dex 😂🤣💀

I LOVE CONOR COUNTERSPELL! 😂👏

NOOO KRISTEN!! ;00

ALLY ROLLED A 0 INITIATIVE! CRYING! 😭✋

Poor Conor Counterspell! 😭✋

Wait! This is what Ragh's Mom absorbed?! 😱 Bro! Zac is SO FREAKING SMART!! 😱

Zac's always the player to figure stuff out yet he always plays like- the dumbest characters 😂😂💀💀

KRISTEN'S NAT20 TO PERSUADE CASSANDRA!!! OMG!!! 😱😱😱

Why is Brennan getting up?! 😭😭

YAY!!! CASSANDRA IS HEALED!!! YAY!!!

"We gotta honor NAT20s. It's the rule of the show." 😭

Dang! Steel wind strike does a lot of damage! ;0

".... SHRIMP????" 😂😂😂 EMILY IS LOSING IT!! 🤣🤣🤣

NOOOO!!! THE SHRIMP!! BRUH!!

OMG NO WAIT!!! CASSANDRA HAS A SHRIMP ALLERGY?!

WASN'T LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE ADVENTURING PARTY EPISODE FOR EPISODE 4 LAUGHING ABOUT HOW A SHRIMP PARTY WOULD BE THE THING THAT WOULD KILL CASSANDRA?!!!!FORESHADOWING MUCH?!!!! 😭😭😭😭

NOOOO!!! CASSANDRA IS STUNNED AND ALLERGIC TO SHRIMP!!! 😭😭😭

NO CAUSE I KEEP REPLAYING THE SHRIMP SCENE CAUSE I'M SO UTTERLY CONFUSED AND WORRIED!!! 😭😭😭😭

Fig is wagging a finger at the fire elemental! LOL!! 😂💀

BRUHHH MURPH SAYING THAT THIS IS RELATED TO GILEAR!! BRUH!! WE'VE BEEN KNEW THAT SINCE EPISODE 1! 😭

LOL TO FIG SAYING SHE THINKS SHE NEEDS TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL 😭😂

WAY TO GO CONOR!! 😂😂

FIG SEES A VISION OF WHAT?! HUH?!

"IT WAS NOT YOURS TO TAKE"??? HUH??! WHAT?!?!

ADAINE NAT20 ON ARCANA EXCITEMENT!!

OMG FIG'S VISION!!! 😱😱😱😱

NOOO!! CONOR!!! 😭

OMG!!! NO!!! KALINA!!! ;000

WHY DID SHE SAY RAGH'S NAME?!!!! ;0000

I'M SO SCARED!!! PLEASE TELL ME KALINA ISN'T EVIL AGAIN!!! FREAKING SOMEONE TELL ME PLEASEEEE I'M SOBBING!!!! 😭😭😭

OH NO! FABIAN WANTS TO STAB KALINA!!! 😭😭😭😭

Oh he missed even though she still casted shield which was weird

NO KALINA!!! GET AWAY FROM CASSANDRA PLEASE RIGHT NOOOWWW!!!! 😭😭😭😭

FREAKING WHYYYYY NOOOOOO

FREAKING WHY?!!!! WHATTTTT??!!!

I'M SO FREAKING STUNNED

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY!!! NO WAYYYYY!!!

KALINA'S EYES WENT RED!!! OMGGGGGGGGGG!!! CAUSE THE RED FREAKING STARS IS RAGGGEEEE!!!! RIGHT?!!!!!

OMG I'M GONNA DIE!!!!

KALINA WHYYYY!!! WHY WOULD YOU SLIT CASSANDRA'S THROAT?!!!!!

NOOOO I'M PISSSEDDDDD!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

NO THIS IS PISSING ME OFF NOOOO!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭

KRISTEN'S GOD IS DEAD AGAIN!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

KRISTEN IS GONNA FAIL JUNIOR YEAR AND HAS TO GET HER BACK!!! NOOOO!!!

IT'S RIZ'S TURN!!! PLEASSEEEE!!!

CASSANDRA PLEASE!! I'M BEGGING YOU DON'T DIE PLEASSSZSZZZ!!! 😭😭😭

MURPH SAYING "I'M SO SCARED OF KALINA"!! BRO SAME!!! BRO SAMMEEEEE!!! BROOO SAMMEEEEE!!! 😭😭😭😭

BARDIC SHRIMPSPIRATION!!! 😭😭✋✋

OH NO!!! THAT ONE NAT1!!!

Gorgug still has Zelda's mixtape!!! 😭😭✋✋

Kristen hugs Cassandra! 😭🥺

Oof! Box of Doom! 🥲

Dang!!! Ally didn't succeed on ANY of those box of doom rolls! 😭 but I really liked the choices Kristen made and what she did! ;((( it was still really powerful and brave and strong....the choices Kristen made of what to do ;(((((

BRENNAN!!! WHY IS YOUR FACE LOOKING LIKE THAT!!!!

NO ADAINE FAILED!!! WHAT'S CIRCLE OF DEATH?!!!!

I'M SO FREAKING NERVOUS FOR REAL!!! 😭😭😭😭

OMG I'M SO SCARED

OMG YES!!! THANK GOODNESS FOR ADAINE BEATING THE DC ON THAT COUNTERSPELL!!! THINGS WERE ABOUT TO LOOK FREAKING GRIMMMM!!! 😭😭😭😭

I'M SO CONFUSED!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?!?!

BLOCK LETTERS YES?!?!?!?!?! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

I'M SO SCARED!!! WHO AND WHAT IS THAT VOICE REACHING OUT TO KRISTEN!!!

I'M SO SCARED!!!! 😭😭😭😭

I'M SO CONFUSED!!! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS HELP!!!

YESSSSS!!!!! A NAT20 FROM FIG FOR THE SHRIMP JUMP!!!!

I LOVE FIG!!! 😭😭😭 SHE'S SO AMAZING!!! 😭😭✋✋

BRENNAN IS WEARING "THE SHIRT" NEXT EPISODE! I'M CRYING!!!

I'M CRYING SO BAD!!!

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL!!! I'M SO FREAKING SCARED!!! 😭😭😭 WHY IS FANTASY HIGH SO SCARY?!?!?!? 😭😭😭😭

[cheerfullycatholic]

I am free to feel that grief and acknowledge the remorse of my "choice"

Melanie Illinois, United States

I was around twenty and in college.  It was a time of darkness, depression and confusion in my life.  When I found out I was pregnant, I "heard" my mother's voice of instruction about the proper order of things (college, career, marriage, house, children).  I must have felt that the pregnancy would disappoint my parents because I didn't tell them about it until years later. I remember thinking I wished I hadn't been brought into the world so why bring someone else into the world.  

I had been through a series of broken relationships.  I did not want another relationship but still wanted to have sex.  Although I had 2 or 3 partners during this time period, I was "pretty sure" who the father was. I didn't tell anyone about the pregnancy except my older sister and this young man.  I remember my sister saying my life was over... it would no longer be my own.  I realize now that is because from her perspective she had missed out on career and was raising 4 children and living a bit vicariously through me.  I remember the young man seeming relieved when I told him I wanted to get an abortion.  

When I indicated I did not want to have the baby, my sister helped me call and set up the appointment at the abortion clinic in campus town.  She also advised me to drink a bottle of wine and smoke some weed to deal with cramping that I would have afterwards. She offered this advice from the perspective of having an abortion herself. 

I do remember seeing the doctor, maybe a few days or a week before the procedure.  He indicated I was very early along. I wanted to schedule the procedure right away because I was afraid, if I waited, that I wouldn't go through with it. I remember the probable father went with me for the procedure but I do not remember him being in the "counseling" session with the nurse prior to the procedure.  It was during that session that I remember asking the nurse if the baby would feel anything.  She responded, "Oh, honey it's just a blood clot the size of a peanut" and assured me it wouldn't feel anything.  I found out, years later, through an exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry that this information was not accurate.    

I remember the monetary cost of the abortion was about $300 at this time.  I was not aware, until later, of the additional "cost" (psychological, physiological, etc.) of having an abortion.  The day of the procedure, the probable father and I went to the office and paid cash in advance.  It is still difficult to talk about the procedure, as it was quite traumatic.  I remember it seemed to take forever, even though it was probably all done within an hour.  I remember crying from the onset... silently at first but building to openly weeping.  I remember they couldn't get me to dilate and they were trying to calm me so they offered me some type of intravenous Valium.  I remember feeling something deep inside screaming "noooooo" but I tried to stifle it and make myself go through with the process.  Whether that cry was God, the baby or my inner self I do not know but I wish I would have listened and I wonder if they would have stopped the procedure if I had made that cry vocal.  But I did not.  So they got me dilated enough to suction out from my womb the "blood clot the size of a peanut" which would have most likely been my first born child.  

After the abortion procedure was complete, I was shuffled to the recovery room.  Before long, I was at my apartment, taking my sister's advice about weed and wine.  I tried not to allow myself to feel anything and would stuff it anytime it tried to come into my thoughts.  I used lots of drugs and alcohol to numb feelings.  That led to getting mixed up with a not so great group of people and I ended up dropping out of college anyway.  I ended up moving back to my hometown and getting involved in another relationship. I tried marrying that one and when we tried to get pregnant, it never happened.  My periods were all messed up.  I kept thinking I was pregnant because I would be 2 or 3 months late on my period but tests kept coming back negative.  Doctorss tried to say it was just my body getting regulated from going off the pill but after missing period for 6 months with negative pregnancy tests, I was referred to an OB/GYN.  They diagnosed PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome).  Prior to my abortion, I had never had problems with my period or experienced any of the other symptoms of PCOS that I have since become acquainted with.  My husband and I divorced. He made a baby with another woman.  

During this time, God re-initiated my childhood faith and I returned to the church.  Somehow, I heard about a bible study for woman who have had an abortion being done in a town nearby and I got plugged in with this group of about 5 women, found forgiveness and began healing.  The healing process has been a long process considering the abortion was such a short procedure.  At 40, I conceived and birthed my first child.  At 42, my second child was born.  After twenty years of infertility, both children were miracles, without medical intervention for conception.  Healing is a process.  

I had a miscarriage a few years ago as well.  I have noted a real difference in how people respond to miscarriage vs. abortion.  It's as if society allows women to grieve the loss of their children through miscarriage but not so with abortion.  People offer sympathy to women who have had miscarriages but not so to women who have had abortions.  While it is not deemed illegal and thereby deemed acceptable, we are not supposed to talk about it... that is deemed unacceptable and people act real uncomfortable if one acknowledges it.  At least that has been my experience and that of other women who have had an abortions that I have talked to.  It's crazy.  Society will allow you to take the life of your own child but does not allow you to grieve the loss of that child's life.  Grief is a natural response to death.   

There are always days when I find myself calculating how old that child would be if he or she had lived. I would probably be a grandmother by now.  Instead, I am an old mother trying to rear young children.  I thank God for His mercy, grace and second chances.  But having the children I have now and experiencing motherhood with them makes me wonder, at times, what life and memories were missed as a result of this earlier decision.  

Sin has consequences. Taking someone's life is a sin.  Forgiveness removes the guilt and shame that are natural consequences of sin. But forgiveness doesn't necessarily remove remorse.  Allowing oneself to feel remorse is actually what leads to forgiveness.  Remorse for wrongdoing keeps us humble enough to choose right-doing. I believe I have received the forgiveness I requested from God, my child and myself. But one of the consequences I have to live with is that I will always grieve the loss of the experiences of mothering that child.  

Because of forgiveness, I am free to feel that grief and acknowledge the remorse of my "choice".  This acknowledgement means I no longer have to deny or hide that remorse.  It means I no longer have to deny or numb that grief.  See it is because of that forgiveness that this remorse is without shame.  I can stand forgiven, in Jesus Name!  It is because of this forgiveness that I am silent no more!  

I want other women who have had abortions to experience this freedom in forgiveness.  If you have had an abortion and have not found this freedom, please seek out some help to find it. Help for healing is available! If you are pregnant and considering having an abortion, please choose life.  Even when things seem crazy, dark and dangerous in the world, life is ALWAYS the best choice!  God is good and ALL life is valuable to Him.  If you choose to value what God values, He will be faithful to provide EVERYTHING you need to walk out that choice.  Trust God.  Trust God to guide you into right choices. Trust God to provide for your needs.  Trust God to forgive, heal and restore.  Whatever is going on in your life today, trust God over it all.  God is good and loves us ALL more than we may ever be able to fully comprehend!  Trust in that LOVE!   

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