#tw male mention

[snarltoothed]

okay… weird tangent. but like, brute force manual labor aside women actually ffr literally do everything better than men? even stereotypically manly things if the woman in question is interested in doing and (especially in the case of what i’m about to discuss) able to do the “man thing”.

i was thinking about it and honestly, i have never seen a woman with a beard or moustache whose facial heard was objectively unattractive… if you disregard the fact that facial hair in general never fits into what society considers “objectively attractive” for women.

women with beards aren’t that common right. there are not all that many women with actual full beards (probably more than you’d think considering that a lot of women remove their facial hair… even when it’s unpigmented peach fuzz… but dermaplaning is another fucking discussion), that’s just how sexual dimorphism works, women generally have lighter and lesser facial hair.

however… whenever a woman DOES have the hair growth pattern for a beard (for whatever reason) and grows it out… she always keeps it nice, clean, well-groomed, even shaped well if she boasts a thick enough face rug for shaping to matter… and it is obvious WHY, dgmw, i know women are socialized to care more about being attractive and “presentable” — but frankly some men will have the fucking ugliest unkempt beards and i think female socialization is correct on the “take some pride in your appearance” front with this one.

i literally had to explain to my last ex that he might come off as more professional in interviews if he like… invested in a beard trimmer and shaped it every so often. because the man’s beard was rectangular. like, disturbingly rectangular. i’ll give him credit for keeping it in… a bubble braid (?) most of the time, that was kinda cool aesthetically… but when he took those hairties out and smoothed out the kinks… the man looked like he’d walked straight out of minecraft.

and the thing is… he didn’t even know what i meant. he was like “what do you mean shape it?” and i just had to fucking white guy blink at him and patiently explain that the mid-length beards you see on like, “attractive” actors don’t just… grow in shaped like that and that men with longer facial hair often still trim small parts of it to shape it in a way that better flatters their faces? and that if he wasn’t sure how to shape it himself he could absolutely just get it done at the barber’s…

and of course he had to ask if i personally thought it would make him more attractive like dude… obviously, but i was bringing it up gently! and as a serious tip on how to maybe come off as more hirable in interviews which could’ve been completely unrelated to my personal thoughts about it because i literally don’t look hirable in my day to day either. not that this entire paragraph is even related to the point i just forgot how annoying men can be. i’m actually not entirely sure how asperbergers even became a thing, because i swear on my mother i have never met a man who DOESN’T have trouble reading social nuances. (i’m aware that aspergers is no longer a thing and that instead we now acknowledge that all parts of autism exist on a spectrum and i’m also aware that the nazis came up with it but please let a woman make a joke)

back to the actual point tho… like dude? you are in your early thirties and have had a beard since your mid twenties bro you… you aren’t familiar with the idea of being able to trim your beard into a different shape? that’s like being unaware of the existence of hairstyles as an elemenary schooler??? and did he just… never look in the mirror at any point before i mentioned this and notice that his beard was literally rectangular, right angles and all? or did he and he was just like “whatever i guess that’s just how my beard looks nothing i can do about that”? baffling.

and women, no on expects women to have facial hair, in fact it is discouraged. women with beards don’t have as many beard-having peers to learn from. and yet… they keep those beards looking fabulous.

even just a little moustache looks better on a woman, but that’s not a fair comparison. men never look good with JUST a moustache. it either looks like they’re a teenager, really into like… steampunk, or a creep of some sort depending on their natural hair growth and style of moustache.

[boudiccamoment]

Nigel just walked into the bedroom. Stood in front of the dresser. What do you need? Silence. Then.

How wide is this dresser again?

I DON'T KNOW?? WHY WOULD I KNOW THAT WHY WOULD I KNOW THAT WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT

Okay fine where's the tape measure.

It's in your toolbox.

I can't find it.

IF I FIND IT I GET TO THROW IT AT YOU (house rule)

Bb: I want to find it!

Open the box, point it out, she takes it, underhand toss to Nigel

You're lucky she didn't throw it at your head like I would have

[bizarreaizen]

i will always dislike the stereotype that cisgender men are just beings who only think / care about sex, so my cis men out there who are asexual or just genuinely don't think sex is that important, you are seen and will always be valid :D /gen

[2kiran]

18+ DOM DEADPOOL X M!READER

Thinking about WADE WILSON trapping you in his grasp, his masked chin perched on your shoulder and his blood-tinted leather glove shoved in-between your thighs. He reeks of impending doom, the scent combining with his natural aroma.

“Oh, no, no, don’t run from it, pretty boy.” WADE clicks his tongue, shaking his head as you squirm. His arm snaking around your waist tightened its grip, clutching you firmly against his front.

He sneaks his hand beneath your pants, wrapping it around the base of your hard cock before freeing it from your boxers. But he doesn’t allow the cool air to hit your sensitive hardness, choosing to toy with you by keeping it hidden under your shirt. You grunt, reaching to hold onto his knees. “W—wade.” You croak, trying not to buck your hips up.

WADE hums curiously, indicating that he was listening. With one finger, he maps out the silhouette of your length through the soft material. He’s enjoying this, and that fact is one he isn’t afraid to admit. “Hmm? D’ya want somethin’, baby?”

Despite his question, he doesn’t quite let you answer. Suddenly, his thumb presses down against the side of your tip, staring in great awe at how pre-cum begins to dampen the fabric. Your dick twitches from the stimulation, and you can’t prevent the plea from leaving you. “Stop teasin’ me, please.”

You can nearly feel his lips stretch upwards into a cocky grin. His palm rests flat on your length, gently rubbing up and down. Every time WADE’S finger went to messily massage your frenulum, your shirt would press into your skin and increase your responsiveness, making you uncontrollably throb. “Awww, we both know you don’t mean that. Our buddy over here likes it.” He teases, shifting to properly but lazily jerk you off.

His hand clenches when it curls ‘round your shaft, balancing you on the point of experiencing a high but never enough for you to actually reach it. WADE WILSON knows you can handle a tad of edging. “Be a good boy, c’mon that’s it, just a liiiiiiil’ bit more.”

[simplyemery]

[rie-092]

LITTLE SIBLING.

⟡﹒yandere! older brother x fem! reader

summary : your older brother thinks that your boyfriend wasn't good enough for you.

during his childhood, yohan davis really wanted a little sister. a sweet little sister that he can protect and adore forever. but, that dream was shattered when his dad died and he had already accepted the fact that no matter what happened, he won't be able to have a little sister. because he can't force his mom to remarry just because of his selfish desire after all.

and let's be honest here. with yohan's handsome face and those captivating (e/c) eyes of his. even when he was a child, everyone adored him. and maybe that was the main reason why he became like— this. uh, a spoiled son who was able to get whatever he wanted? aside from little sister, of course.

but then, when he reached the age of 15, his mom got remarried. he was excited, for his mom and for the chance that he can achieve his dream through his new dad. yep, he knew how obsessed he was with having a little sibling. everyone, except his mom (since she thinks that it was a cute thing but clearly it's not) has pointed it out to him. but he didn't care since in his eyes, it was unfair for him that his friends had little siblings that they could adore and spoil.

and yohan fucking celebrated when he got the news of his mom being pregnant a year later. he basically ran to his new dad and hugged him tightly and started to thank him and his ehem, let's forget about the last part. anyway, after that sudden revelation, yohan had started looking for good names that he could give to his younger sibling. he also looked for some cute toys and clothes but let's forget about it.

yohan, during his little sibling's birth stayed at the hospital. he didn't give a fuck about what other people were saying when he did all of his homework at the hospital while waiting for his parents and his new little sibling. and boy, oh, boy. yohan teared up when he saw you for the first time. you were so cute, so precious, so adorable and the most innocent thing on this planet.

“ so, how about you give her a name, son? ”

that was what he was waiting for. with a smile, he kissed your forehead as he told them the name that he had come up with after the 9 months that he spent thinking a name that suits you. (first name), his little sister. don't worry, your big brother will give you everything that you want and he will do everything for you.

expect that this guy will be quite overprotective when it comes to you. don't complain if you aren't able to play with your peers or if he doesn't let you go out and lock you at home. he was just worried! you're too innocent! what if you got kidnapped when he wasn't looking?! oh, and when he realized that you're allergic to (insert food here)? that day, you weren't able to see that thing inside your house again since yohan really threw a fit in front of your parents exclaiming that if they served you that kind of food again, he would run away and he will bring you with him.

but aside from his obsession, overprotectiveness and overbearing personality. yohan was a good older brother for you. he was much better than your classmates' older brothers. when the truth is he just engraved the 'he's the best older brother in the world' idea on your mind during your early childhood so that you will stay with him forever

anyways, much to his disappointment, when you became a teenager you found yourself a boyfriend. and that angers yohan. i mean, why do you think that boy deserves you? gosh, he was the one who raised you and he knew that boy wasn't deserving of you! he did his best to make you dependent on him. he cooked for you, washed your clothes and even made sure that you didn't know how to do housework! do you think that boy will do that for you? yeah, no.

expect that yohan will always roll his eyes when you mention your boyfriend whenever you are with him. this guy shamelessly stalks you when you are on a date, and when he sees that your boyfriend is about to kiss you? he will immediately call you to cut off that dirty romantic atmosphere that disgusting guy created. that guy bought you a gift? don't worry, your brother will give you a more extravagant the next day.

he will do anything to make you see that you made a wrong choice of getting into a relationship with someone. look, he knew that his obsession with his little sister was because his friends and bandmates always pointing out to him. there was some point when they asked him if he romantically saw you but that only disgusts him. the hell are they talking about? why would he romantically see his little sister? do they think that he's a sick freak? that's disgusting.

sure he stalks his little sister, sure he makes her dependent on him, sure he manipulates his younger sister that he's the kindest soul alive, sure there are some points that he commits crime for you. but anyways— he only did that because you were his little sister. his innocent and fragile little sister that he needs to protect!

and when the news about your boyfriend cheating on you reached his ears. he was fucking happy! see? he told you, that guy wasn't good enough for you! oh, his poor little sister. the only thing that he did when he saw you go home crying was to hug and comfort you but of course, while he manipulates you thinking that other guy aside from him and your dad was like that. a fucking freak that will only hurt your feelings.

ah, of course! do you think that he'll forget about that ex-boyfriend of yours? of course, he won't! because yohan, with a 'little talk' made sure that guy won't be able to approach you again. oh? you're worried when he came home bloodied and had a bruise on his cheek? this guy will tell you that your ex suddenly punched him out of nowhere when he talked to him when the truth is he beat that guy half to death. hehehe, and seeing you believed him made him smile widely. ah, it seems like you're really stuck with him from now on. and yohan was willing to sell his soul to a demon just to make sure this would last forever.

“ big brother's doing this for your sake so listen to me, okay? ”

[1randomloser]

”pretty girls eat” good thing I’m a man 🔥🔥🔥🔥

[kaerocals]

hey love!

don't eat that! you're going to regret it later. would your thinsp0 eat that? I don't think so!

[wholegrainvore]

A pred swallowing a prey who they don’t realise is immortal and immune to digestion. They fall asleep with a full, happy tummy, and wake up to … that exact same squirming belly. Their brows furrow together as they prod at their stomach, and the prey inside laughs at them for their foolishness, expecting the pred to let them out now that digestion isn’t a possibility.

But the pred is stubborn.

“You think I’ll let you out just because I can’t digest you? Newsflash, sweetheart: I like how you feel in there. I haven’t given up a meal yet, and I’m not about to now.” The pred smothers a belch as their prey begins to start thrashing around with panic, smirking to themselves. “Shhh… we’re gonna get to know each other real well by the time you give up, I think.”

[sinnful-darling]

YAN! MALE SIREN PRINCE

tws: kidnapping, ummm siren’s song is used to aid said kidnapping

this male siren is the eldest. if this is well-liked, i’ll prolly do the other six siblings :D

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who, hates humans. They’re dirty and disgusting and selfish and they’re destroying his home!

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who is the heartstopper of the Seven Seas. His beauty is unrivaled! He’s also extremely intelligent and his combat skills are some of the best too!

♡Yandere! Male Siren who’s one of seven children. He’s the eldest of the siblings, at a height of 7′5 (when he’s not slouching), and usually spends his time learning how to manage a Kingdom.

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who’s the Heir of the Siren Folk, but would rather stick his nose in the book that he stole from that human earlier... what? That human just had good taste!

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who actually stole from you. 

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who, when you come back late at night after realizing that you’d lost the book your loved one gave you, is absolutely mesmerized by you.

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who calls out to you on a whim, and hands you the book back, politely asking that you don’t tell anyone about his existence after he apologizes for stealing something so important to you.

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who becomes a very close friend to you. He’s polite and charming, and he’s extremely handsome...

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who was distraught when you said you had to go back to college and had to leave the AirBnB you and your friends rented for the summer. He asked that you come see him one last time before you left for school and you’d agreed.

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who had to concoct a plan and quick !

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who sifts through some old text and finds a spell to allow you to breathe underwater long enough for him to get you to his castle. Sure, his family will be upset, but he’ll protect you!

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who sings the spell, forcing you to swim to him in the cold ocean water. He’s quick to snatch you up, throwing you over his shoulder with an iron grip so you can’t get away, and hurriedly swims back down to his castle.

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who understands why you’re so upset with him and is extremely patient with you while you acclimate.

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who doesn’t notice that his siblings are also feeling the same way he is, and is furious with them when he finds out... but eventually comes around to the idea of sharing. But you love him the most right?

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who makes sure to take good care of you. He makes sure you’re fed properly and clean, and he’s always quick to have a MerMaid (get it?? lmao) fetch whatever you want.

♡ Yandere! Male Siren who’s just so sweet and only wants to love you :((

[2kiran]

something about logan howlett patching your shoulder up, his calloused hands surprisingly gentle as they stitch your wound close. he’s looming over you, eyes fixated entirely on your form. in a haze of pain, your hand reaches out to curl around his hip and roughly squeeze with a low groan, unintentionally tugging him closer to your seated position.

“you okay, bub?”

“yeah...”

there’s something about it that makes his cock throb; how your reflex is grabbing onto him, how your voice is hoarse, and fucking hell, the smell and sight of you bleeding like that... he’s never letting anyone else fix you up. and oh, he wants you to squeeze something else.

[kiame-sama]

Scarlet Eyes- (Yandere!Alpha!Chrollo x Kurta!Omega!Reader)

Warnings; My abo au (only 1000 or less omegas world wide), mention of kidnapping, mention of death, spoilers for the York New arc, gender neutral reader, reader is kurta so this means they have brown->red eyes as all kurta do, switching a few events around chronologically,

~~~~~~~~

"I'm only going to ask you this once, where is my twin?"

Kurapika kept playing the conversation he had in the last moments of the burly spider's life. The sparse information he got from the conversation did little to soothe him or make him feel like he was any closer to finding his beloved twin. If anything, Kurapika worried that he was already too late to do anything.

He had been determined to get whatever information he could from the large man, but the man was near impossible to interrogate. The man only really spoke up when Kurapika mentioned his omega twin. There was little comfort however as the man gave a wolfish grin, bearing his teeth in a clear mocking sneer.

"Oh, the omega? Don't worry about them, Boss has already taken care of it."

The spider's words did nothing to make Kurapika feel better as it sounded like the worst has come to pass. In some ways, he had hoped that the spiders would be interested enough in finding an omega that they wouldn't hurt or sell his twin, but it seemed he was not so lucky. He would kill each and every one of those fuckers and make them pay for the pain they no doubt put his family through.

Kurapika had always hoped that he would be strong enough to protect his sibling- even from the spiders- but that was clearly not the case. It hurt his heart more than he cared to admit when he dwells too long on the fact that he failed his twin. He had dragged them away from home, put them through the gauntlet of the Hunter's exam, swore to protect them, and still he failed. Once he finished the damnable spiders off, he would begin the long journey of finding his twin.

No doubt it would be difficult and near impossible to find them, Omegas were a prized possession after all, but he was determined. Wherever they had taken you, whoever they sold you to, Kurapika would find you. He promises.

~~~~~~~~

You felt an unusual chill run down your back, frowning and glancing towards the door to the abandoned church you were in. Chrollo sat next to you with one arm around you, hand resting on your hip possessively. Though you couldn't place what, something told you that a change had taken place. Perhaps it was nothing, perhaps it had something to do with the missing alpha, Uvogin.

Despite being in a group of very dangerous people, you felt rather safe. In part, it had to do with the fact your alpha was an apex alpha, and in part it was because of the respect your alpha commanded. The other spiders- minus Hisoka- respected the fact that their leader had claimed you and kept their distance from you. Hisoka was new to you and clearly you were the first omega he had ever actually encountered. He was determined to get close to you either to rile Chrollo or to get his hands on you, and Chrollo was not pleased with the jester's behavior.

You sometimes felt your mind wander away to thoughts of your twin, hoping he would never come for you but knowing that is all he would want to do. Since you both were young you watched out for each other, but it all changed when you began showing signs of being an omega. Where Kurapika had once been your equal he then became your protector and would loudly protest to you being paired with anyone or taken away from his protection. He would always be your protector and you knew it likely killed him inside to know you had been taken.

It did take time for you to settle the war within yourself that waged due to being mated to the apex alpha that exterminated your clan and kidnapped you. Part of you still hated the alpha, but another part of you adored him as your mate and that part of you was supported by your instincts. It didn't help that you once asked Chrollo why he killed everyone only for him to respond 'because I could' with a kiss to your forehead. Chrollo always seemed to know when he could bring up your scarlet eyes to control you or fluster you. Taking amusement in the simple mentioning of them being enough to quell any overly willful behavior.

For now you were at ease with the monster that claimed you, feeling rather bound to him regardless of the uneasy feeling he sometimes gave you. Chrollo was clearly content with it as well seeing as he held so securely to you and was rather indulgent of your behavior. He even used an ability that allowed him to bring your nest with you and set it up wherever you deemed appropriate. Few Troupe members were allowed near you simply for the fact that Chrollo didn't like others near his omega. Still, you could see how some members were drawn closer by your presence alone.

Beyond just being the mate of a truly monstrous apex alpha, you were getting used to others knowing you were an omega. With Kurapika you had to constantly cover your scent and hide your omega tendencies around others. You had mostly adjusted to behaving like a beta and also adjusted to others thinking you were a beta. It was odd to you that your Hunter's license- which you still thought was a joke- told others you were an omega. The secret you worked hard to keep was so readily shared with others now.

The sudden shift and movement of being pulled into Chrollo's lap made you yelp, startled by the rather abrupt motion. Chrollo seemed amused by your yelp, however. His lips slowly tracing over the mark on your neck as he let one hand brace around your waist, the other squishing your thigh appreciatively. You were confused as to why he would behave in such an open display of affection towards you, as you couldn't think of anything that would trigger this behavior.

"Chrollo, what- what are you doing?"

"Shh, my sweet (Y/n). Just indulge your alpha."

You felt compelled to obey the soft murmur against your shoulder, shivering but no longer struggling against your alpha's hold. Chrollo seemed rather content to focus on kissing your neck and shoulders, almost as if he were establishing dominance. His affectionate display was a show of dominance, reminding the Troupe that you were his exclusively and making it clear that he was still vastly interested in keeping things that way.

Unbeknownst to you and the rest of the Troupe, Hisoka was paying close attention and ensuring to gather what bit of information he could get. He would certainly share this information with the Kurta and see if he could gain you as his own omega in the process.

~~~~~~~~

"I know about your twin and can tell you what you want to know about them."

The smooth words make Kurapika's eyes widen, feeling invigorated and even more determined to get whatever he could from the grinning jester. Hisoka already knew how he was going to portray this information and it excited him to think about the emotional response he would undoubtedly get.

"Tell me."

"So impatient~! Well, if you must know, they are alive and within the city limits. Don't relax too soon though, the lead spider Chrollo has taken them on as his mate and has already marked them. Killing Chrollo will kill (Y/n)."

Hisoka couldn't help the wolfish grin that pulled at his lips when Kurapika responded to his words with clear despair. Out of all of the terrifying things he had ever considered, Kurapika hadn't considered you being bound to his greatest enemy. Killing Chrollo suddenly became a dangerous option as he knew how omegas could die of sorrow if any harm befalls their mate. The last thing Kurapika wanted to do was hurt you.

"I'm sure you know that the only way you can kill Chrollo and not (Y/n) is if they have another mate by the time you kill him. I'm happy to volunteer as that replacement."

Despite how Kurapika didn't want to let Hisoka anywhere near you, he had to genuinely consider the proposition. If he killed Chrollo, he would kill you should you have no other mate to rely on. Kurapika knew how fragile omegas were and he knew how the well-being of an omega's mate could determine the well-being of the omega themselves. Either Kurapika needed to keep Chrollo alive- which was a detestable thought- or he needed to find and implement a replacement mate for you to survive losing Chrollo.

It was a lose-lose situation for Kurapika and he hated that the spiders put him and his twin through so much continued suffering. He would save you no matter what.

[simplyemery]

[thealtoduck]

More of BatCat!Bro being from the East End:

*Breakfast the day after Tim took down a drugring*

Tim: Hey, you know what Comissioner Gordon said the street value of that cocaine would’ve been?

BatCat!Bro: Huh, let’s see 4 and a half kilos uncut, nicaraguan… uh, 1,7 mill? That area?

*Everyone at the table turns to BatCat!Bro completely puzzled (except Jason because he knew too)*

Tim, in a concerned tone: …Uh, yeah. That’s… That’s… That’s right.

[artiumghosted]

I just love making these types of memes. I'll probably make more lmao

[kaerocals]

mealsp0 <3