#until they die tragically and suddenly everyone forgives them. because they really just wanted them out of the story

[logicalbookthief]

If I had a nickel for every time a show I was watching featured a mother who was trying to better herself for the sake of her child, who she was reconnecting with after abandoning them with their father due to her own declining mental health and caregiver burnout, but rather than exploring these complex feelings toward motherhood, the show kills her off for shock value and to further develop the father(s)… I’d have two nickels.

Which isn’t a lot, but it’s disappointing it happened twice.

[mystic-deep]

"Sensei said girls love swans." | Okkotsu Yuuta x fem!reader

♡ ♡ ♡ description: Just a small box of chocolates, bought on a whim, gifted for no apparent reason. Or so you say.

♡ ♡ ♡ warnings: none, good bad advices from Gojo.

♡ ♡ ♡ notes: I'm working on three other stories with Nanami, Gojo and Toji but had to write something for best boy Yuuta. We're getting volume 0 animated! This was done at the speed of light so please forgive any errors.

♡ ♡ ♡ word count: 2.29 k

Valentine’s Day was quite a surprise this year. You didn’t expect the world to just revert back to old habits so soon, but then again you understood the craving for what was once considered normal. More than a year had passed since the Shibuya incident and with Gojo Satoru finally being released from his prison, things were slowly calming down.

Two major changes came as a result of the near annihilation of Tokyo, one was that now the world was aware of the existence of curses and two was the high number of people that had awoken cursed energy. What were once empty classrooms and training grounds of the Jujutsu Tokyo High School, were now filled with first year students ready to learn from the best. Although the older generation was composed of just a handful of students, they were really the top of the Jujutsu world.

All of your senpais were impressive in their own right so all of them had gathered quite a following of first years. The most popular, by far, was Fushiguro Megumi, the one that possessed the Ten Shadows Technique of the Zen’in clan. A lethal combination of looks, power and status, or so your classmates claimed.

On the opposite end of the spectrum was the third year Okkotsu Yuuta. He was a rare sight on campus and whenever he was present he didn’t interact much with any of the first years. The first time you’ve met him was during a group mission where he was there to supervise. The curse ended up being a special grade and if Yuuta hadn’t jumped in to help you, you’d all be dead. You still remember the bitterness of your classmates when he offered his feedback. Clearly he was right on all points but he didn’t honey glazed any of his words. That incident had caused a string of nasty rumours to spread and everyone in your class began to avoid him as much as possible. You guessed no one was in a hurry to offer him any gifts today.

As for yourself, you tagged along with some of the girls from your class as they chose the best chocolates for their favourite senpais. You didn’t have anyone you really wanted to gift them to, so you bought a small box purely for selfish reasons.

You headed back to campus and as you approached the training grounds you noticed that a small crowd of students were already gathered there. In the middle of them stood Megumi whose arms could barely hold the large number of gifts he had received. The deadpan expression on his face made it clear he wasn’t enjoying the attention.

“You girls better hurry, Megumi-kun looks like he has reached his limit.”

Turning around you were greeted by Gojo who was also carrying quite an impressive quantity of Valentine’s gifts.

“Sensei is really popular.”

“Please don’t sound so surprised.”

As your little conversation went on, your friends quickly abandoned you in order to join the crowd.

“Not gonna join them?” You shook your head as your hands tighten on the handle of your backpack where your box of chocolates was hiding.

“I didn’t buy any chocolates...I mean I did buy chocolates just not for...I should probably head to class.” Feeling too ashamed to admit your selfish purchase, you hurried down the path to the main entrance before Gojo could question you further.

Just as you were about to reach your destination you suddenly noticed a figure not too far from you. Yuuta was strolling along the same path and his expression was not a happy one. Your earlier guess must have been correct judging by his slumped shoulders. Now you never truly worried yourself with his well being, but it just felt so incredibly unfair that he was marginalized like this. At the end of the day, even if he wasn’t easy to talk to, he was a responsible senpai who wouldn’t hesitate to jump in to help others when needed. With that thought in mind, you quickened your pace and called out to him.

“Okkotsu-senpai! Okkotsu-senpai, please wait!”

He stopped in his track and turned to look at you with a surprised expression.

“Y/n-chan, are you okay?”

You nodded as you caught up with him, impressed that he even bothered to remember your name, and opened your backpack to retrieve the box of chocolates.

“For you senpai, Happy Valentine’s Day!” You gave him the most sincere smile you could muster and handed him the small box. Oh well, better for your cavities you suppose.

With a trembling hand he took the small gift and grinned from ear to ear. “Thank you! I’ll treasure it!” It was just a box of cheap chocolates, you thought, definitely not worth the excitement.

“Urm I’m happy you like them. Anyway, have a good day, see you around!” You practically dashed to your classroom, cheeks red from embarrassment. You didn’t know why you were so nervous or why that silly grin of his made you so flustered.

As you sat down at your desk, you wondered if you did the right thing. You didn’t want him to believe you had feelings for him and you also hoped he didn’t think you did it out of pity. You just thought it was the right thing to do at that time and it was just a small gesture, definitely not worth a second thought.

Or so you hoped until White Day arrived and you found quite a surprising gift on your desk that morning. A large bouquet of roses, there must have been over a hundred. No note though, as if the person that had left them just expected for you to know whom they were from.

You could hear the whispers of your classmates and you shifted uncomfortably. You weren’t really popular, no reasons for someone to give you such an impressive present, so of course rumours began to spread.

As you sat on a bench during lunch break with the bouquet in your lap, you raked up your brain trying to figure out who would offer you flowers.

“Oh no, you don’t like them!”

Yuuta’s voice brought you back to reality and you blinked ever so slowly as you looked at his worried expression. Your eyes dropped to the red roses in your lap and then back to your senpai that was just a few feet away from the bench you were sitting.

“These...these are from you?” Well you did gift him that box of chocolates and this was White Day, technically he was supposed to return the gift. Still, a cheap box of bonbons couldn’t compare to the expensive bouquet that he had gifted back.

“Gojo-sensei said you’re supposed to buy something impressive in order to show your appreciation for the gift you received. I didn’t know what you liked and he suggested roses, he said all girls loved red roses.”

Of course it was Gojo Satoru, it was always Gojo Satoru.

“Senpai, thank you, but this is too much! Those chocolates weren’t really that expensive.”

“No, no, they were pretty good! I ended up eating the whole box! Gojo-sensei tried to steal one away, that didn’t end up well for him.” Good, you thought, he deserved it for unnecessarily complicating things.

“Well if you say so, then I’m happy. I’ve never received flowers before, well my father bought me a bouquet when I graduated middle school but I don’t think that counts.”

“I’ve never received chocolates before, so I guess we’re both at the beginning.” The beginning of what, you wondered, as he offered you a somewhat sly smile.

“I should get these to my room before they wither.”

“Yeah I should probably head to the training ground.” You said your respective farewells before going in opposite directions. This had been awkward to say the least and you were glad it was over.

However, naivety got the best of you. The next morning you were greeted by a large teddy bear that was placed in your seat. Your eyebrow began to twitch as you heard whispers spreading in the classroom.

“Hey is that from Okkotsu? Super creepy!”

“Yeah, poor Y/n-chan.”

“What do you mean by that?” Your patience had reached its limit and with narrowed eyes you turned to look at the girls you heard whispering.

“Don’t you know, Okkotsu curses his lovers!”

“Yeah, he becomes obsessed with them and then they die in mysterious ways!”

“That is literally the most idiotic thing I’ve heard in my life.” Sure, you knew the story of Rika, but from actual reliable sources you also knew that it was a tragic accident that happened when Yuuta was only a child. It was disturbing how they twisted the story just because they were afraid of him.

“If you have this much time to waste on spreading such stupid rumours then I suggest you channel that energy in training. Otherwise you’ll be stuck at grade 4 until the end of days.” As a grade 2 sorcerer yourself, maybe you shouldn’t have looked down on them, but for some reason the way they were acting towards Yuuta was just infuriating and you found yourself becoming quite protective.

You never snapped at them like this before, if anything you were considered quite docile, so the whole class fell silent. You grabbed the giant teddy bear from your seat and stomped towards the door, nearly bumping into Gojo as the later stepped inside the room.

“Where you going Y/n-chan? Class is about the start.”

“I’m going to find Yuuta!” You huffed and walked out of the classroom, knowing full well that you will probably get punished for your actions.

“Y/n-chan is so determined! Everyone, you should have more determination as well!” That was the last thing you heard as Gojo closed the door behind you.

You began your search for Yuuta, trying to ignore the looks that the faculty members you came across were giving you. You must have looked quite ridiculous, carrying that large teddy bear around.

You finally found him near the armoury, and judging from his sweaty appearance you guessed he had just finished training.

“Senpai!”

He looked at you, almost in a panicked way and you quickened your pace so he couldn’t make a run for it.

“Y/n-chan, what-”

“Senpai, this has to stop.” You really didn’t want to tell him your real motives from that day but you also couldn’t let this chain of gifts continue.

“That box of chocolates wasn’t initially for you. I bought it for myself, I only gave it to you because senpai looked so upset. I’m sorry that you misunderstood, it’s not pity or anything, I just thought you deserved it.” You didn’t even stop to breath, you had to let it all out and explain before you lost your nerve. “I’m really happy you liked them but I don’t deserve all these presents in return.”

You looked at him and expected to see anger or disappointment, instead you were greeted with light laughter.

“You’re really cute! Maki-san said not to tease you too much because you’re such a good girl. I guess she didn’t realize how much of a good girl you actually are.” The way he said ‘good girl’ made your heart skip a beat. It sounded almost provocative.

Within a second, he had closed the distance between the two of you and his hand reached to stroke your cheek ever so gentle. Suddenly he was there and you became hyperaware of his powerful presence. You noticed the pretty colour of his eyes, how his hand was just a bit rough and how that small smirk of his made your knees weak and your cheeks burn. You gulped and he seemed to enjoy your reaction.

“I don’t mind that the box of chocolates wasn’t for me. I’m just glad it gave me the opportunity to talk to you.” At this point you felt so bad you hoped the earth beneath you would just crack open and swallow you whole.

“Anyway, you should probably head to class before Gojo-sensei gets upset. Let me get that for you.” He reached for the teddy bear in your arms but you gripped it and pulled back.

“I would like to keep this, it’s a special gift from senpai and I’ll treasure it.” Sure this all began because of a silly box of chocolates but you were also happy that you finally got to see a glimpse of him that not many people got the chance to see. Now that you had a taste of it, you wanted more.

“Well I wasn’t planning on taking it away, just wanted to help you carry it.”

“It’s fine, the whole school saw me already so I might as well parade with it back to class.”

He studied your face for a few moments before his expression turned serious.

“Y/n-chan, do you think we could go-”

“I’d love to go on a date!”

You beat him to it but you wanted to make sure he knew, even before asking, that you really wanted to get to know him better.

“I see, I’m really happy.” His hand reached for yours and gripped it gently. It never failed to surprise you how cool and confident he looked at times and then he did a one hundred eighty and turned into this awkward and adorable mess.

“I must admit this is the first time I’ve asked someone out. I’ll be sure to ask Gojo-sensei-”

“Oh no, please promise me to never ask Gojo-sensei for advice concerning girls.” He was probably laughing like a mad man while giving Yuuta such cringe worthy ideas for your gifts.

“Oh but sensei said girls love swans and-”

“Never!”

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hi Dear Jalebi, I demand your analysis :)   What are your thoughts on IPKKND might have some typical track if the audience, TRP, actors departure didn't influence it otherwise? Let me explain, IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced. Then, I read that, Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup???

Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track? Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

Hello Dear Analysis Anon!

I am going to over answer this with a lot of detail because I have a lot of thoughts, as always! Time to get into my thinking cape/coat:

This analysis is going to cover:

(1) every example you just mentioned,

(2) my thoughts on external things affecting plot of the story,

(3) things/plots/ tracks that could've been if not for external factors

Examples

1) IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced

As far as I can remember from one of the writers' interviews, the office track was cut short because this was a show on Star Plus - which, as a channel, caters to 'family audience' therefore needs to have sanskaar and stuff at its core. Hence the rude shortening of the office track and weird 'makeover' and 'desi-dying' Lavanya. And hence we had a very weird four months of an eighteen-twenty years old Khushi teaching someone about sanskaars and suddenly knowing everything about a household when Bua-ji or even Payal would've been a more apt choice for this 'tutoring'.

If this was a Star One show, they might've not shifted out of the office for the longest time!

2) Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup??? Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track?

I did not know that's why the quick end happened. Honestly that happened perfectly. I think Lavanya had an inkling about their relationship heading south right when Arnav told everyone he's getting engaged to her. But she chooses to not see it until one day she couldn't. Maybe we could've gotten more from La but if you see carefully, La clearly knows that this relationship is now just for face. Bless her heart for trying though, trying with a smile!

Also, again I think the writers never thought of making Lavanya a vamp. They had enough material with Arnav-Khushi's own differences, Shyam and Buaji playing enough roles to mess up Arnav-Khushi's love story. I probably think they always had planned Lavanya as a beautiful person who was unintentionally caught in all of this. I feel they planned La and Khushi's friendship - they clearly enjoyed writing two completely different people becoming closest of friends.

The writers/creators deserve full credit for this.

3) Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

This is all true.

My Thoughts on External Things Affecting Plot

It's not necessarily bad that external things affect plot. Feedback, from channel or fans, can help the show to pivot and understand what is working and what's not. The problem is when feedback is implemented regardless whether or not it matches the theme of the plot.

I loved:

1) The channel moving out of the office because the power dynamic was too great and the contract terms were very unhealthy and Arnav Singh Raizada deserved to get sued at least 10 times by the end of this contract so yes, the shorter the office track the better. Literally the saving grace is they didn't "fall in love" there.

2) The fans protesting against Didi Ki Saut track. Not because I hated the track - I think it was executed in the worst manner! From identical visual languages to show Arnav-Anjali and Arnav-Khushi scenes (which didn't work to show Arnav being equally torn between the two most important women in his life, but just made the audience get creeped by Arnav-Anjali's relationship) and writing scenes of Anjali getting offended by Arnav-Khushi's intimacy/Arnav spending time with his wife, on her birthday, in his bedroom... did she expect Khushi would just *disappear* in a her and Arnav's bedroom? Like that was the worst way to show a compelling plot line and giving people some weird thoughts about Anjali-Arnav (which I hate because I LOVE Anjali-Arnav).

3) Barun walking out when the plot was literally done. Yes, thank you!

4) Barun going to do a movie led to the kidnapping track, which I liked a lot. No, not the nonsense of Manorama Bond fishing out Delhi's security camera footages in vintage recording system - but the fact that given the chasm and angst between Arnav & Khushi, only something bigger than their misunderstanding could force Arnav to give weight to his feelings and for Khushi to be able to forgive him. And his life was at stake. It was a sharp reminder to both of them that they lost so much by not communicating that it doesn't matter what they had to say - they loved each other, they just needed to get back and fight off everything together.

And then again, there are things I HATED that happened because of external factors:

1) The channel for the whole La becomes Desi. And the overdose of sanskaar and tradition that followed for a few months *uggggh* Clearly the channel demanded this from the plot because family, traditions and all are important to Star Plus (wtf are they thinking for Ghum Hai Kisi Ke? though or YRKKH?) And even the Aarav track and Mrs. India - two tracks with terrible execution - were very Star Plus recommended content. Just now Saath Nibhana Saathiya 2 had a Mrs. Surat/Gujarat track and Yeh Hai Chaahatein had a miracle child popping up...

2) The fans demanding Arnav & Khushi's proximity. The whole hut scene was *noooooo*. Lack of consent, body doubles, GLARING logical loopholes and them just trying to do it when one of them is really not in the mood and they were both so out of character. @phati-sari explains this really well in her post (just search for the hut to get all relevant posts on her blog)

3) Barun? Not exactly - he's never in control of the plot so really it's the writers that kinda know what to do with his presence and absence. Even if they get a short time, it's upto the creators who know if they use the last 2-3 weeks for stretching a random track as much as they can and give a rushed ending or quickly wrap up a crap track and give a satisfactory ending. A good example of this is Lavanya's exit - although rushed was dealt with grace, important conversations and memorable hugs. Bad one is the end of the show - I know Barun gave his papers but I wish they went the La way with the end of the show - important convos, teary hugs and a sweet moment (they tried their best tho...)

It's an ITV trend though to not plan for the end of a show... they stretch a crappy track as much as they can and have like a 2 min epilogue. Kasautii 2.0 was the funniest cause they had all misconceptions cleared, Komolika and Mr. Bajaj die and then have a weird 2 min pillow fight to show 'happy family'... guess in that way I'm glad we had whatever we did with IPKKND!

Possible Tracks Then

So if external factors didn't influence the show, we might have had the following:

1) A longer office track. It would end the way it did in canon though. I think it was prewritten that at one point Khushi would tear up the contract and hold him accountable for everything Arnav did. Just instead of 3-4 days it would've been 10-15 days after the contract.

2) Didi Ki Saut track. Honestly that was compelling if executed right. Sometimes you can have an antagonist without becoming a villain, Anjali the perfect character for that.

3) A separation track. I'm pretty sure Arnav-Khushi could have separated at some point in their six months marriage - this is just my inkling and not something I heard in an interview unlike the above two. If given full reign to writing, we probably would've gotten an angst heavy stuff at some point post marriage/6 months.

4) A remarriage track sans Dadi. We know why Dadi was introduced (honestly I didn't mind her, it was a track done well and kinda to redeem Arnav in front of the public eyes. It's a perfect track cause Arnav is 'nice' for standing up for her and kinda heals the wounds he caused in the first few months of the marriage by retorting someone who tells Khushi everything he told her...) But anyway I do think a remarriage was in the works, not because of TRPs but the way their whole 'marriage' was framed and how Khushi was broken because of the lack of everything in it. And they deserved one w/o the devastation that night brought.

5) The 'marriage' would've been a live in. Arnav and Khushi's elopement was supposed to be darker in nature*. Their 'marriage' would've had no religious nor legal validity, therefore a stark contradiction to everything Khushi stood for... but you can't have that in ITV. *By dark I don't mean sexual violence - never.*

6) The whole IPKKND was meant to be darker. I am glad for the romantic comedy though! I think their balance of angst and comedy pre marriage was perfect! Not sure post marriage because it felt like a loop of going back to square one with no progress. But I think things were meant to be less subtle, more tragic and dramatized. So I think we could've gotten extremely angsty periods post marriage with a slow, gentle lull to the romance/comedy. While I am extremely glad for the lightheartedness, I wish I could've read what the whole original concept for Arnav/Khushi was!

7) Arnav revealing the truth to Khushi would've been different. We know the distasteful suicide track quickly came as a way to push Arnav's buttons and have him confess the truth of his elopement to Khushi. And that came from Barun going away - hence the quick kidnapping track and everything. So if Barun didn't go away, I honestly don't know how the revelation would happen. Would Arnav start piecing things together from information and things about Shyam in Laxminagar? Would Arnav end up helping and hospitalizing Shashi who would tell him the truth? Would Arnav come across any hidden wedding card Buaji could've had printed for Shyam-Khushi or even Shyam's fake kundili? Given the Gupta house wasn't the place where Shyam covered his tracks... was this where Arnav would start seeing things? Or guilt ridden, would Garima/Khushi/Madhumati tell Arnav the truth? Something was meant to happen for this revelation, whether it's Arnav believing Khushi or just getting further evidence against her - I... don't know! I wish I knew what the writers had in store.

We highly appreciate for not showing a typical Nanand against Bhaabi trope, also for not making La villain, but would it result differently if things didn't have a hand? Imma cry thinking Anjali jealous and La villain! meh!  What a feast for the eyes it was to see ONLY ONE VILLAIN and less negativity in a tellywood show. Baas bohut hua my casual verbiage. By demand I mean no pressure, please take your valuable time and reply whenever you feel like it.Take Loads of Care and Chocolates your way <3

I hope the above answered all your queries :) Thank you for all the chocolates and care!!!

Phew this was rather long! A big hug to anyone who went through it! See ya later!

- Jalebi

[linkspooky]

A Mafia Member Who Doesn’t Kill

Bungou Stray Dogs chapter 88 has made it clear to me just how strong the Akutagawa and Odasaku parallels are. They are both orphans, raised to kill and taught their only value is the strength of their abilities that they use for killing, only to slowly unlearn that behavior over time. They are both characters who value life above everything else. I’m going to explore the connection more in depth, under the cut.

1. Origins

The temptation might be to parallel Oda to Atsushi, and Akutagawa to Dazai. Not only is Akutagawa Dazai’s first and direct disciple, and currently wearing his coat, but Atsushi has always been “the good one” of the pairing. The one obsessed with being good, and saving people in the way Oda was. Oda is also the closest thing Bungou Stray Dogs has to an example of living the life of “a good man” that all the main characters are currently striving for. However, I would say that it’s Akutagawa who parallels Oda’s life far more than Atsushi. 

Of course Akutagawa parallels Dazai’s life quite a lot as well.He was recruited by Dazai the same way Dazai was recruited by Mori,wears Dazai’s jacket as his most precious possession, but he shares so much in common with Oda too including his origin. 

In their youth they’re both referred to as killers who kill without showing any emotion. They start out completely empty and dead to all feelings inside, because neither of them have experienced anything to give them a reason to value life. 

Fukuzawa suddenly recalled a rumor he had heard about a young redheaded hit man who wielded two pistols, and killed his targets while never showing any emotions. - BSD LN 3

They both kill because they’re strong, and that’s all they’re seen as. Both boys, orphans with nothing else to live for have been gifted with incredibly strong abilities. They kill, they don’t relish in it, they don’t gain anything from it unlike men in positions of power like Mori Ougai because they are ultimately tools, but they kill nonetheless. 

“I’ve been working alone as an assassin for as long as I can remember,” he began. “I’ve never wanted friends or a boss... but seeing a martial artist like you compromise your principles to save one of your men... It makes me kinda jealous. He must be the happiest guy in the world to have you as a boss.” - BSD LN 3

They both start killing as a means of survival, because they are both orphans who have no one to care for them and look out for them. However, they also slowly over time begin to kill as a way to demonstrate their worth. Akutagawa was an orphan who lost the small amount of friends he was protecting, Oda had no organization he was working for, no connections their lives are utterly empty except for their strength so they come to understand killing as something that gives their life meaning and value. If only because there is nothing else for them. 

However, for both of them killing isn’t enough. It’s merely surviving not living. Which is why no matter how strong they become they both remain empty, and they both feel insufficient, and even jealous of others. Oda is jealous of Fuzukawa’s connection to his subordinate, Akutagawa is jealous of Atsushi who is valued and connected to everyone around him and treated better by Dazai. This jealousy is also a realization that they are missing something in themselves but they don’t know what. 

Most skilled hitmen looked down on others as if they were insects. Their eyes were cold and lacked compassion. But this boy’s were different. They weren’t cold or any temperature. They were just empty. Not only was there no compassion or kindness, there was no hate or passion to kill. His eyes were those of a person who had given up on hope and despair - the eyes of a person who had removed himself from emotional things. - BSD LN 3

Both Akutagawa and Oda start at a point where they are killing, not because they enjoy it, or they’re particularly sadistic, or think they are just or right. They kill because it’s the only thing they’re good at. They kill to demonstrate worth. 

This kid’s different from the old me. Perhaps he never felt any joy from killing others. He was probably only killing because he had nothing to do. - BSD LN3

This also plays into a fundamental misunderstanding that Atsushi has of Akutagawa. He basically views Akutagawa as a bully who kills people to flaunt his strength in front of others. 

He doesn’t realize that Akutagawa is strong yes, but that’s all he is. He clings to that strength, because he’s been given no other alternative. He hasn’t been given nearly the opportunities that Atsushi has. If there is a difference between Oda and Akutagawa, Akutagawa is noticably angrier, more resentful, but that’s because anger is the first emotion he ever definitely felt. 

I feel hatred.  I am no longer a dog. I have become a human being with feelings of my own. -’A Heartless Dog’

Akutagawa and Oda are both boys who lived considerably empty lives, that is until they meet somebody who shows them an alternative and changes their lives forever. Oda and Akutagawa meet someone and from then on they want to find meaning in their lives. 

2. An Assassin Who Doesn’t Kill

Akutagawa kills without hesitance, and yet I would say he’s the only character in the manga who values life as much as Oda does. This might seem like a paradox but both of their characters are built around this paradox. That’s why they become mafia members who do not kill. 

Akutagawa’s response to the old man in the latest chapter seems sassy, but Akutagawa’s never sassy, he’s overly serious and sincere about everything. He’s saying what he really thinks. All people are equally alive. Akutagawa is someone especially aware of the value of life, because in the past his life was treated as something so worthless. 

He was not afraid to die. He was thinking perhaps even hell would be a better place to live then here. JJust continuing to live in this state was suffering, after all. 

[...]

What’s the point of our lives? He had once asked travelers in their place this equestion. Why Must I go on living?

It’s because they have both lived through the absolute worst circumstances, that they value life more, and go on searching for these answers. Akutagawa equally treats life as worthless (kills people without hesitation) and also values life (tries to give people a reason to live, tries to justify his own life, tries to fight against the idea that someone from the slums lives a meaningless life). 

When Kyouka finds a reason to live even though he’s not the one that gave it to her, he’s genuinely happy for her. Because Akutagawa values life, and wants people to find a meaning in life even though he kills. 

Akutagawa is currently on the same path Oda is on. The lines in this scene are vague because they’re meant to apply to both Dazai and Akutagawa. He met a certain person, joined a certain organization, and the hope for death in his eyes vanished. 

Oda gave Dazai reason. Dazai gave Akutagawa reason. Oda was also given reason when he met Natsume. All three continue on with a life of empty killing until an outside force intervenes and teaches them there could be something more to life. 

They both come across someone who tells them that there is more to life than just killing. That they are capable of more than that, and they actually follow through and stop killing. Because, Akutagawa, and Oda deep down respect life. As cruel and heartless as they can be, Akutagawa is also one of the most heartfelt and respectful characters in the series when he opens up. 

Akutagawa and Oda are people who understand other people on a level deep down, because they’re genuinely interested in the lives of others. Akutagawa is the only person who thinks about Atushi in a deep way, in ways Atusshi doesn’t even really want to understand himself. Oda is the first person to treat Dazai like a person, behind the genius. They understand, even the ugly parts of people because they don’t really look away from the dark parts of the world, of life, because no one’s experienced life’s cruelty like they have. Oda sees Dazai for who he is, and tells him that helping people probably won’t make him feel good, and that he’ll never feel good, but he should help people anyway because he’s capable of doing good. 

Oda is the one who started the journey in an assassin trying to find meaning in life, but he didn’t finish it. In the end Oda’s character arc ends tragically, and his path is half finished. Because, Oda eventually chooses death. 

I think a lot of people don’t realize this character flaw of Oda, because he’s usually such a good example, but he chose to kill again, chose to become a martyr to Dazai because he genuinely gave up on living when it became too hard for him again. 

“Odasaku...” Dazai said softly. “Forgive me for the absurd wording, but - don’t go. Find something to rely on. Expect good things to happen from here on out. There’s gotta be something...” - BSD, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era

Oda died because of tragic circumstances yes, but Oda also dies because he chose death. He chose the escape. He chose the easier path. There were still people that needed him even after he lost the orphans, people like Dazai, and Akutagawa who were orphans in need of help as well and Oda chose to let go of them. 

Oda gave up on his attempt to find meaning in life, because the best way to find meaning in life is simply by living it. 

‘People live to say themselves, it’s something they realize right before they die, eh?’ - BSD, Osasmu Dazai and the Dark Era

Oda chooses to die for the sake of someone else, rather than living for himself. While that’s a tragic choice it’s also a bad choice with consequences, because now there’s nobody around to help Dazai and Akutagawa who also appeared in light novel two and who both needed him to some extent. 

In that sense Akutagawa can be stronger than Oda. Their lives are parallels but they’re also exact opposites. Akutagawa starts out by losing every orphan he was trying to take care of. Oda finishes his life when he loses the orphans who he was trying to raise and protect. 

The choice they make in those moemnts is the opposite ones. Akutagawa tries to choose simply revenge at first the exact same way as Oda did, but when he meets Dazai he realizes there was something he wanted even more than revenge. 

The question resounded in Akutagawa’s heart, and a single answer floated to the surface. Something he qished for. His heart’s desire.  The lowest of the low. In a world that was the lowest of the low, it was a wih that could never possibly be granted.  Akuagawa had to force the words out of his dry, trembling throat. “I want to find a reason... a meaning to my life.” - SHORT STORY A HEARTLESS DOG

Akutagawa wants to live for himself, stronger than even Oda did. Whereas, Oda stops wanting everything. 

Dazai paused before continuing. “I would be able to find something - a reason to live.” 

I looked at him; he looked back at me. 

“I wanted to be a novelist.” I said. “I thought I wouldn’t deserve such a life if I killed someone during a mission. That’s why I never killed anyone. But that’s all in the past. There’s only one thing I want now.” - BSD VOLUME 2, Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era

Oda’s words to Dazai to conitnue to live are meaningful, but he’s also a hypocrite to those words. He tells Dazai to live on, when he made the choice to go off and die. While, Akutagawa as dirty, and arduous as his path is, is the one who keeps struggling to live no matter what like a stray dog starving in the streets.

Which is why Akutagawa is the one who is going to finish what Oda started so long ago, and be the true inheritor to his will. Utlimately, I predict, that’s the path his character development and arc are going to take him. 

[anubislover]

Welcome to the Heart Pirates, Nami-ya chapter 19: Lying Hearts

“How can anyone stand to live in a city like this?” Nami grumbled as the light glinted off of yet another painfully white building. True, the setting sun had lessened the glare slightly, but after an entire afternoon of it, she was developing quite the headache, even with the sunglasses.

Law shrugged and continued walking at a leisurely pace, still unaffected. “I’m sure if you’re born somewhere like this it’s easier, but people can learn to tolerate almost anything given enough time, I suppose.”

“Do you think you’d be able to learn to tolerate bread?”

“I said almost. I’d sooner die of starvation.”

She shook her head with a chuckle but kept pace, following his lead. Instead of heading straight back to the submarine, Law had insisted on a few detours through Atifakuto—partially in case anyone had grown suspicious and decided to follow them, but also to scope out potential escape routes under the guise of sightseeing. Nami, for her part, had been exceedingly helpful in this, mapping out in her head which stairways lead where and pointing out various places to hide. If Law found her compliance suspicious, he didn’t say anything; it was in their best interest to work together, especially with some potentially valuable goods on the line, so her behavior was easily rationalized.

For her, however, there was more than artifacts or even belli at stake. This heist had to go well. She needed Law to trust her enough to open up about why he was so obsessed with Amber Lead. Perhaps if he could do that, she wouldn’t even have to sneak into his quarters to take a look at the ledgers. She could just ask and he’d let her in like a rational human being.

Of course, in order for either of their plans to succeed they needed to know where the vase was. Luckily, the rest of the Hearts hadn’t been sitting idle on the submarine. They’d been investigating every possible gallery, art collector, museum, and auction house their prize could possibly be at. The second they had a lead, they’d call on the mini Den Den Mushi.

Until then, though, Law and Nami were forced to meander about the city, planning and killing time.

“So, while we wait for some intel, what else are you going to buy me?” she asked as they wandered the fourth level. They’d passed quite a few shops, and while most had stocked dull business suits similar to the last store, Nami felt her bags were tragically light. They were in a beautiful-if-blinding city, and she was walking away with only one outfit? What a travesty.

Snorting dismissively, Law glanced down at her with a clear look of are you kidding me? on his face. “Nothing. I told you I was only getting you one outfit. I’m your captain, not your sugar daddy.”

“You know, for a man who wants this little job to go well, you’re not putting in nearly the effort you should,” she quipped, a sly smile on her lips, eyelashes fluttering prettily. “I’m supposed to look professional and put together if I’m gonna pull off being your lovely assistant. That means I need matching shoes and accessories. Maybe a cute leather purse or briefcase to really sell it.”

“If you want those so badly then buy them yourself. Or,” he smirked, halting his pace to turn around and catch her chin between his fingers, tilting her head up towards him as he stepped in close enough so she could feel his body heat, “you earn them by doing certain favors for daddy.”

Her cheeks only pinkened a little at his innuendos while she stuck out her tongue and shoved him away. Last night’s dream wasn’t quite as close to the forefront of her mind anymore, but that didn’t mean his smirk didn’t do things to her she’d rather ignore. “Pass. You should know by now that it takes more than clothes for me to play nice.”

“Mmm, I do. That’s what makes it so much fun,” he purred, gold eyes glinting in wicked amusement. One gloved hand was shoved into his pocket while his free arm slung itself casually over her shoulder as he continued stalking along the fastidiously clean road. “But since you’re currently insisting on being a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man to provide for her, you can instead borrow some shoes from Ikkaku, and she might still have a pair of glasses or something from the time she pretended to be a receptionist at a Naval base.”

Brown eyes widened at his statement. Not because he was suggesting that she borrow clothes or anything, but the bombshell he’d just casually dropped in light of her recent discovery.

“Was this for one of your plans?” she asked, shoulders stiffening.

He shrugged like it was no big deal, though he did give her a curious glance at the way she tensed beneath him. “Yeah. We needed someone on the inside, and they’d put out an advertisement for an attractive female in her early twenties. It’s not like Uni or Penguin could do it.”

“But…holy shit, Law, are you serious?” she hissed, dragging him over to an unoccupied part of the street behind a solitary gated tree so she could scold him in private. There weren’t too many people about, but the last thing they need was to get unwanted attention because they’d caused a scene, even if Law totally deserved to get chewed out at the top of her lungs for being such an asshole. “Ikkaku has Marine brothers who want her dead and you sent her into the lion’s den? What the fuck?!”

Caught off-guard by her anger, Law’s eyebrows shot up briefly before furrowing. “She told you about them?”

Damn. In her shock and anger on her friend’s behalf, she’d forgotten that this was a subject she wasn’t technically supposed to know. But instead of admitting guilt, she doubled down and threw on her best poker face.

“Yeah. She told me,” she lied easily. Too easily. It came as naturally as it had back in the days she’d been working under Arlong, getting close to pirates by lying through her teeth and then robbing them blind. How many crews and captains had she deceived before Luffy? Nami had honestly lost count, but once she’d joined up with the Straw Hats, lying to a supposed ally hadn’t been quite as instinctual.

But this isn’t Luffy, and Law’s keeping way more secrets than I am, she rationalized. It’s just a little white lie anyway. He’d be way more pissed at Shachi and Penguin for telling me. I’m looking after those guys.

Law’s expression hardened, and for a moment she wondered if he’d seen through her bluff. She didn’t think she’d gotten too rusty in the lying department, but Law was smart and distrusting in general, so she couldn’t quite tell. Trepidation hung heavy in the air as she waited for him to speak, mind going a mile a minute coming up with new lies and explanations to appease him. Worse came to worst, she could throw the guys under the bus, even if she didn’t really want to, but they were his best friends, so Law would doubtlessly be more forgiving towards them, right?

Thankfully, it seemed his anger came from a completely different place, as he snarled quietly through clenched teeth, “Nami-ya, I am, as you have pointed out rather frequently in the past, a control freak. Do you really think I would devise a plan that required sending my top mechanic into a Marine base if there was even a chance she could be recognized? Especially by her utter shit of a brother?”

She flinched at the vitriol in his voice. It seemed she’d touched a nerve, and unless she wanted to lose all the progress she’d worked for, she knew it was best to back down. “Sorry. You’re right.”

“I’ll accept your apology if you tell me what prompted her to tell you,” he stated, crossing his arms. “It’s not information she makes widely known, even to those who are permanent members of my crew.”

Well. At least this was easy enough to justify, and she’d be doing both Law and Ikkaku a favor, right? Sure, the guys would obviously tell him later, but being the first to warn him might earn her a few more crumbs of trust. “There was an article in the paper about Marine reinforcements coming to the Grand Line. Ushi was interviewed. He seemed pretty intent on taking down the Heart Pirates.”

Law froze, his frown deepening into a dark sneer. The tic in his jaw and the way his fists clenched reminded her of his reaction to Ikkaku having been attacked on Grimm. “That fucker will stay away from Ikkaku if he’s got any brains in him.”

“You’re pretty protective of her,” she said. Sure, he’d perhaps phrased his defense in a way that implied his priority was the plan, it was clear from the hiss in his voice that Ikkaku’s safety had been genuinely considered.

The brim of his hat hid his eyes as he stated, “I’m protective of all my crew. She’s just…it’s hard to find submarine engineers, let alone ones as skilled as her. Ikkaku’s hard to replace.”

Well that stinks to high heaven of bullshit, she thought. Sure, the Surgeon of Death had a rightly-earned cruel reputation, but he’d shown time and again his crew meant a lot to him. Stepping in close, she used her finger to lift his hat enough to see his expression unobstructed. “Is that why you let her sass you? Because if she walked you’d be dead in the water?”

The gold orbs glared down at her, though the held no heat. “Everyone on the crew is a vital component. Like gears in a well-oiled machine. You’ve gotta take care of them to make sure they don’t break.”

When Nami merely raised a disbelieving eyebrow, he sighed, body deflating slightly. “Look, Nami-ya, everyone on my crew, we’ve all got shit in our pasts. Some have overcome it. Some still carry the scars. Ikkaku…hers is one of the few that’s actively still trying to get her. So yeah, maybe I’m a bit more protective, but it’s for a damn good reason.”

Ok, now that was a fair point. “I’m surprised you haven’t just killed him.”

“Oh, I want to,” he snarled. “No brother should try to hurt their siblings. They’re supposed to look after them. The only reason Ushi-ya still draws breath is because Ikkaku begged me to spare his pathetic life.”

It suddenly dawned on Nami that, despite his criticizing Luffy for not being more bloodthirsty, Law was…surprisingly merciful in his own ways, too. He didn’t murder Ikkaku’s brother, despite having clear reason to, just because she asked. He rescued Jean Bart from a life of slavery despite not knowing him. And while she didn’t fully understand the Ope Ope no Mi’s powers, she wondered if his cuts didn’t draw blood because he didn’t want them to?

She wasn’t sure if he had a complexity addiction or if he genuinely wanted to minimize bloodshed, but once again another side of the incredibly fascinating man had been revealed.

Taking a deep breath to calm his anger, he gave Nami a sadistic smile. “Doesn’t mean I let him off the hook with a sternly-worded warning, though. Wanna know what I did to him the last time we met?”

Nami turned a bit green as she remembered Jinzo’s still-beating heart in his hands. Complex and caring towards his crew or not, he was still a twisted bastard. “Fuck no!”

Briefly he pouted at not getting to regale her with the gory details before shrugging. “Pity. It was quite the eventful evening. In fact, it was also the night of mine and Drake-ya’s first kiss.”

“How the hell are those two things connected?!”

“Well, I had to distract him somehow. He was guarding my poor mechanic like a dragon would a virtuous princess.”

Before she could demand more details, or even snort at the idea of Ikkaku being virtuous, the sound of the mini Den Den Mushi reached their ears, interrupting the conversation.

Looking around to make sure there weren’t any eavesdroppers, Law pulled out the little snail phone and clicked down on the top. “Guessing you’ve got something for me?”

“I do,” the snail answered, and Nami recognized the faint accent that indicated they were speaking to Cousteau. “Only one place that specializes in North Blue history. Jubilee & Atlas Antiques. It’s an auction house and gallery on the fifth level, a block away from the Elevate Deliverer Restoration Church.”

“Well that’s a needlessly long name,” he quipped, rolling his eyes. Mentally, Nami had to agree, though it also sounded vaguely familiar. “At least that makes it easier to find. Anything else I should know? Other landmarks, nearby guard stations, that sort of thing?”

There was a moment of hesitation before Cousteau replied, “No station, though there would probably be at least a few guards wandering around at night. It’s, uh, right by a fountain. Blessings from the White City.”

Nami’s eyes widened a little. Oh. Now she remembered. That had been the church with the huge stained-glass windows. The one in her book, by the tribute to Flevance.

“…I see.”

The little snail chewed its lip, clearly concerned. “Captain, if you want, I can do all the surveillance—”

“It’s fine,” he cut in, tone sharp before smoothing out, “I saw it earlier. In fact, I’m glad it’s so close. Nami-ya and I will check out the gallery. We’re nearby and I’d rather see it with my own eyes to get the lay of the land. Unless anyone else has a better lead, you and the others can head back to the ship.”

“Understood, sir. Anything else you need?” he asked, sounding relieved.

“Just tell Clione I might have a job for him later on, so don’t make any evening plans.”

“Aye-aye, Captain.”

The call ended, and Nami peered up at Law, expecting signs of the same darkness that had crossed his face when they’d visited the fountain earlier. Instead, his face was totally blank, staring down at the tiny snail, expressionless.

Somehow, that was far, far more unnerving.

“Law?” she asked, touching his arm hesitantly.

As if awoken from a trance he shook his head before smirking down at her. “Well, hope you don’t mind one last detour before heading back to the ship? I know it’s more stairs but look on the bright side; at this rate, the definition of your calf muscles will be a thing of beauty.”

He didn’t wait for her to respond, turning on his heels and heading towards the direction of the stairs to the next level. Frowning, she began to doubt whether or not this was all a good idea. She didn’t know exactly what his deal was, but she really felt like he was too close to this. But she had the feeling trying to talk him out of it would be an exercise in futility, and would set her back far more than any lie she might spin.

Oh well, she sighed internally, jogging to catch up, so long as he doesn’t do anything stupid. He’s sensible enough to keep a cool head, no matter what his problem is. It’ll be fine.

While it wasn’t far, it took longer than either of them would have expected to actually find Jubilee & Atlas Antiques. Mainly because it was a surprisingly nondescript building compared to the opulent churches and museums nearby. Honestly, based on the exterior, one could easily have passed it by. Like everything else the building was pristinely white, the windows boasting small arches over them and flower boxes containing white impatiens. Really, the most impressive thing about it was the marble plaque out front boasting the company’s name in gold leaf.

But the two pirates didn’t really care about the appearance; it was what was inside that counted. That, and the information board out front, which stated in bold, black letters that there would be a showing and auction of North Blue artworks at 8pm that evening.

“Why don’t you just Scan the place, grab the vase, and walk away? Seems like that would be easy compared to putting on this charade?” Nami asked, eyeing the building. It was hardly Harpin’s mansion; it would take almost no effort for Law to use his powers to steal every item of value inside it, replacing artifacts, paintings, and money with pebbles and potted plants with a mere flick of his fingers, then teleporting them away to safety.

Really, if he weren’t such an ass, Trafalgar Law would be a thief’s dream partner.

Of course, he was an ass, so he gave her a look that implied he considered her question to be phenomenally stupid. “Because there’s no guarantee that the vase is even in there—for all I know it’s being kept in a secondary location until the actual event for security or health reasons. It is a relic from a city that suffered a notorious death toll both before and after the World Government had quarantined it,” he explained lowly. “On top of that, my Room would draw too much attention, so if it’s not in there, we’ll have blown our whole cover and probably the operation.”

Though disappointed that they couldn’t just whisk it away with his powers, she conceded that he had a point. Versatile and useful as they were, the Ope Ope no Mi’s abilities did have their drawbacks. Actually infiltrating the auction house was a safer move.

Yet for a moment, she saw Law glare at the building, as if he were equally frustrated that they couldn’t just grab their prize and go. Perhaps even a great mastermind like him sometimes wished to take the direct path. “At least we can be sure it’ll be presented at this auction,” he reassured, almost as much to himself as her as his hand rested on Nami’s lower back while he escorted her away. “Makes it easier to come up with a plan and contingencies when I actually know the target. My crew did good.”

She twirled a strand of hair around her finger in thought. She supposed he was right, and the pride in his voice when he mentioned the Hearts’ contribution…well, she knew better than to argue with that. Seemed the lesson he learned on the last island was sticking. “Still too bad we don’t have blueprints like Harpin’s house, though.”

“It can’t be helped. That was a job I’d been planning for months. This is more…spontaneous. Why? Scared and looking to back out?” he asked, glancing down at her with a challenging grin.

Nami scoffed. She was a thief that specialized in robbing pirates. Sure, she was a scaredy-cat, but when treasure of some kind was at stake, there were few risks she wouldn’t take. “Not a chance. Just pointing out that we’re going in more blind than last time.”

“Maybe, but at least our prize will be out in the open and not in the home of a former Marine with tentacles. Hell, we might even get it legally.”

“Law,” she started, brow furrowing. She wasn’t scared, but she did have a reasonable concern, especially with how intent he seemed on this one item. “What are we going to do if we don’t win the vase?”

The pair stopped by the Flevance fountain, Law taking a long moment to stare solemnly at the beautiful white angels. Without a word he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small coin, pressing it to his lips before flipping it into the water.

When he turned back to her, his gold eyes were as hard as the statues’ and twice as cold.

“Simple; we take it from whoever did.”

XXX

Hidden in a small cove on an unpopulated section of Atifakuto’s coast, the sight of the Polar Tang’s sunny yellow hull was a welcome relief after a whole day of the city’s stark white walls. Law seemed to agree as his tense posture relaxed into a comfortable slouch, even giving a few of the guys a small grin when they called out to them. To Nami, of course, the submarine was still far from the Sunny and thus would never be home, but she couldn’t help but smile at Law’s reaction. The Dark Doctor really did have some softness deep down.

Of course, that didn’t last long, as the moment they were within the safety of the cargo bay he was once more all business. “Dinner is in an hour. Rest up, brush up on your notes, do whatever you need to prepare for the auction tonight; I’ve got a few more dominoes to put in place,” Law stated. He’d been silent for most of the walk back, though Nami attributed that to him mentally filing through all the information they now had and formulating his plan. Much as she missed and loved Luffy, having a captain who didn’t just go rushing in like an idiot was a nice change of pace.

That didn’t mean she appreciated his tone, though. “Say please,” she quipped, hip jutting out. She might have decided to be more compliant for the sake of gaining his trust, but that didn’t mean she was going to let him boss her around.

Besides, if she were too accommodating, he’d probably grow suspicious and then she’d be right back at square one.

He scowled but apparently decided it would be a waste of time to argue. They were on a tight schedule, after all, so her attitude would have to be tolerated. For now. “Please,” he grumbled before marching off, beckoning Clione to follow him. The biologist glanced between the two, bewildered, but smartly said nothing before chasing after his captain.

Flashing a self-satisfied grin at Law’s retreating back, Nami practically skipped to her quarters. Even though they weren’t as prepared as she’d like, so far, things were going well. Perhaps they couldn’t just use Law’s powers to swipe the vase, but by obtaining it through legal means, they wouldn’t have the authorities after them, which would be nice. Besides, it wasn’t her money that would be spent at the auction.

Her research of the North Blue had taught her a few things, including just how valuable things from Flevance were. After all, things made from the white ore had been in high-demand during the city’s heyday; now that it was in ruins, any remaining artifacts would surely triple in price. And, admittedly, if that fountain had been anything to go by, the vase could very well be extremely beautiful. Something any art collector or historian might want for themselves.

Once more, she wondered why the hell Law wanted it. He collected coins, not art, so she doubted it would be something he wanted just for the heck of it. What was his obsession with Flevance—

That train of thought was derailed when Nami walked into her room. She blinked then rubbed her eyes, certain her vision was still messed up from the sun, because Ikkaku was still sitting at her desk, working on some little device, practically in the same position as that morning. Really, the only difference was the lack of towel around her head, though her curly hair was a tangled bird’s nest.

“Have you even moved today?” Nami exclaimed loudly, flabbergasted.

The mechanic jumped a few inches out of her chair, a pen cartwheeling through the air before falling back onto the surface of the desk with a clatter. Apparently since she’d had the room to herself, she hadn’t felt the need to put the earplugs back in, leaving her vulnerable to Nami’s loud voice. “Damn, girl, you scared me,” Ikkaku said with a breathy laugh. She glanced around, noticing the time on the clock and the fact that her hair had dried completely. “Guess I was in the zone.”

“You haven’t been working all day, have you?” Nami asked, plopping her shopping bag on her bed. “At least tell me you had lunch.”

“Sounding an awful lot like Law there,” she teased, pushing away from her desk to stretch. There was an audible pop from her back, and her dark eyes closed in relief. “Like me, too. The boys and I are always bugging a certain workaholic captain to eat something and not subsist solely on coffee and aspirin. But to answer your question, yes, I did have lunch.” She pointed at an empty plate that had been shoved into the far corner of the desk, a few grains of rice stuck to the surface. “Bepo brought me some onigiri.”

“Good. If you didn’t, I’d be dragging you into the galley and force-feeding you a sandwich, then charging you a cooking and inconvenience fee.”

Snorting, Ikkaku cracked her knuckles and rolled her shoulders, further releasing the tension sitting hunched over in one spot for hours had built up. “Dinner’s soon enough; even if I hadn’t eaten, I could have waited. And good luck making a sandwich with no bread on board.” Despite her dismissal tone, though, she gave a wry grin. “But thanks for caring, I guess, even if it does come with a price tag.”

“What are friends for?” Nami shrugged with a smile that was a little forced. It was such an alien feeling, this sudden awkwardness. Since first arriving on the Tang, she and Ikkaku had gotten on like a house on fire. It was almost inevitable, being the two women on the ship surrounded by men dealing with that insanity together. Hell, even if that hadn’t been the case, Ikkaku had practically sacrificed herself for her back at the club on Grimm. A companion like that was more than she’d even dared to dream of before she’d met Luffy.

Was it really right for Nami to act like she didn’t know about her brother? Should she just tell her that the guys told her about Ushi? Really, what was the point of keeping it a secret? It wasn’t that Nami thought she’d slip up and spill the beans—lying was her specialty, after all—but Ikkaku wasn’t some mark or stranger. She was her friend.

Hell, even if they were on opposite crews, she’d even dare to call her nakama.

The issue resolved itself, however, when the other woman’s expression turned a little melancholy. Ikkaku sighed as she rested her cheek on her fist, her other hand idly playing with the pen. “Heh. Funny, I used to ask myself that question a lot when I was younger. I didn’t really have friends back on my home island. I lived with my Gramps in a lighthouse, so besides the occasional trip to town, it was a pretty isolated life.”

“What about your brothers?” Nami asked, masking her interest by taking her purchases out of the bag so they wouldn’t wrinkle before the auction. A swell of relief surged through her. If Ikkaku talked about Ushi herself, the whole charade of pretending not to know about him wouldn’t even be necessary! She just had to carefully press for the right crumbs of information, maybe even offer up a couple tidbits about her own life in exchange. No big deal. Tit for tat, right? “Nojiko was my best friend growing up. Hell, probably my only friend until Luffy came along.”

A dark look crossed Ikkaku’s face. “Yeah, well, Nojiko on her worst day was probably a way better sibling than all of them combined.”

“I don’t think you’ve talked about them much. I basically just know that they exist and said you wouldn’t really make it as an engineer because you’re a girl.”

A long sigh escaped her lips. “That’s…the nice version. Didn’t want to unload my shitty childhood on you, especially since yours sounded worse. I mean, my island was never taken over by pirates, and I didn’t work for the guy who murdered my mom.”

Well, that was certainly true, but then again, people with healthy, normal childhoods seldom became pirates. Or at least, those that did rarely lasted long on such cutthroat seas. Nami should have realized there was more to the mechanic’s past than some run-of-the-mill misogyny. “Maybe, but I don’t mind. We’ve all gone through some rough shit, right? We wouldn’t be in this line of work otherwise.”

“True. I just…I guess I just like to pretend he doesn’t exist most of the time.”

“He?” she asked as if she didn’t already know.

Ikkaku’s calloused hand dropped the pen to instead clench into a tight fist, and there was a haunted look in her dark eyes as she stared off into space. “Ushi. He’s the oldest. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t afraid of him. Spent our childhood making our other brothers use me as a punching bag. When he wasn’t doing that, he gave me almost hourly reminders that I was a burden on the family, that no one really loved me, that I’d never amount to anything.” There was a hitch in her breath and a pause, and Nami noticed her close her eyes tightly for a moment. As if she were fighting back tears. It was a look she’d never expected to see on the tough, vibrant woman’s face. “Then, when I was seven, he tried to kill me.”

“What?!” Nami exclaimed, dropping her blazer to the floor in shock.

“Yeah. Joras had a huge fucking forest, and he led me into it to look for mushrooms or some shit. Can’t remember. Next thing I know, he’s shoved me into a pit, and by the time I’d climbed out, he was long gone and it was night. I think…I think it was supposed to be my grave, ‘cause it was really fucking deep. Or at least it seemed that way. Maybe I’m misremembering.”

Somehow, Nami doubted that. Sure, memories could get warped with age and fear, but some details remained solid for the rest of a person’s life. “But, you got out, right? And I’m sure your parents must have been worried sick!” She could almost picture it. A young Ikkaku, sticks and leaves caught in her messy curls, knees and elbows scraped, face covered in dirt and tears, frightened but once more able to smile when she was finally found, her mother and father scooping her into their arms, scolding her for worrying them but just so relieved she was safe…

At least, that’s what Bellemere or Mister Genzo would have done if Nami had gone missing.

From the bitter laugh that escaped her throat, Ikkaku hadn’t been so fortunate. “I spent three days wandering around those fucking woods, scared and cold and wondering if I was gonna die out there. My parents didn’t even notice I was gone.” After a long moment of silence, her fist unclenched and some of the tension eased out of her shoulders. “Gramps found me, though. When I didn’t come home after two days and a storm rolled in, my brothers Nausagi and Fukuro ran two miles to the lighthouse to tell him what Ushi had done. Maybe they realized he’d gone too far. Or they were scared I’d come back as a vengeful zombie. Either way, Gramps rescued me and demanded custody. Mama and Pops were glad to hand me over. One less mouth to feed, and I wouldn’t be causing their Future Marine Hero any more trouble.”

“That’s…that’s horrible.” And yet Nami could tell she was getting the abridged version of the story. “Tell me your grandfather was a better guardian.”

Despite the childhood trauma she’d just confessed to, Ikkaku merely shrugged, a small grin tugging at the corner of her lips. “Yeah. He was. Gramps was crazy, but he loved me and taught me how to fight. Told me to never lose my smile, ‘cause that’s my best protection against a world that’ll try to break me.”

“Bellemere said something similar to me and Nojiko. ‘Whatever happens, never lose your ability to laugh. If you can survive, happy times, lots of ‘em, will come your way’.”

“Smart lady.” She tried to casually run her fingers through her hair, only to find them caught in the tangled knots. She let out a light chuckle at her predicament and added, “I think she and Gramps would have gotten along pretty well. Well, assuming she liked salty former smugglers who had the gumption to threaten Law with a shot gun. Not that he didn’t deserve it a little.”

Nami had to smile at that, and she could only imagine what he’d said that had nearly gotten him shot. It was definitely something snarky, a shit-eating grin on his face while he provoked a protective grandfather just because he could.

Noticing Ikkaku’s hair situation, she abandoned her suit to instead pick up a wide-toothed comb. “Well, I’m not sure about Bellmere, but I’d certainly love to meet him.”

“Of course you would.” Leaning back in the chair, she allowed Nami to carefully put her thick curls to rights. “How was shopping? Boss show you the blinding sights of the city?”

“It was…enlightening,” she said cautiously. There was still so much to sort out, and every time she thought she had an answer to one of her questions, four more popped up in its place.

Grabbing the pen she’d been playing with earlier, Ikkaku handed it to her over her shoulder. “Here; I made you something, since I doubt you’ll be able to bring your Clima-Tact with you. Kinda why I was so focused—I wanted it to be ready by tonight.”

Curious, Nami inspected the item. It was a plain black ballpoint pen maybe a bit longer than her hand. There was an almost unnoticeable jolly roger engraved into the middle, and she ran her thumb over it idly. “You spent the whole afternoon making me a pen? I could have just as easily brought my stylus.”

“Oh, but a stylus is only good for writing. This is so much more useful. ‘The pen is mightier than the sword’, right? Click the top.”

She did so, and instead of an ink-filled nub, a small syringe, similar to an epi-pen, popped out. Her eyes widened in realization as Ikkaku explained, “Inside’s a powerful tranquilizer. Should knock any fool out in minutes if injected into the bloodstream. Takes longer if it’s ingested. It’s non-lethal to humans, so it should be safe to use on anyone you’re looking to knock out. Assuming they aren’t really Fishmen in disguise.”

“Why? Does it react differently for them?”

She grimaced. “Yeah. Severe allergic reaction. Anaphylactic shock typically. So, unless you want that on your conscience, humans only.”

Tucking the pen away for later, Nami nodded in understanding and went back to combing her hair. “Gotcha. Doubt it’ll be a problem, though. Jean Bart said this place is pretty humans-only.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s impossible for someone to have that kind of bloodline. If it’s diluted through a few generations, a lot of the time you can hide it and pass for human.”

“Hmmm, hadn’t thought of that.”

There was a moment where Nami could tell she was mulling something over. Even faced away from her, Ikkaku wasn’t hard to read, and it was only a matter of time before she voiced whatever question was on her mind.

While she waited, the ginger took the time to appreciate the texture of Ikkaku’s hair, combing out each curl individually so it wouldn’t frizz. The thick, black locks were coarser than her own, yet surprisingly soft despite her hard life at sea. Hair maintenance was extremely difficult living on the ocean, the salt and fluctuating weather of the Grand Line wreaking havoc on Nami’s much finer strands. And while Ikkaku was far more feminine than one would expect upon first meeting her, in the time they’d roomed together, she didn’t seem to put much more extensive care into her shiny locks than some leave-in conditioner.

Guess she’s just got some good genetics, Nami thought appreciatively. Either that or she’s hiding some amazing shampoo formula, and damn if she is I’ll never forgive her!

When Ikkaku at last broke her silence, the hesitation in her voice was palpable. “Hey, it was a Fishman who held you prisoner all those years, right? You ever…blame all Fishmen for what he did?”

It was an unexpected question, but a fair one, Nami supposed. Arlong had committed a crime so heinous she knew she’d never forgive him, and she knew there were plenty of people, especially ones who spent years abused by such a monster, who would project that hatred onto an entire race. But why even ask?

“I…not really. I mean, I can’t say I never lumped them all together in my head, since Arlong and his crew were my only baseline for Fishmen for a long time.” She bit her lip, thinking. “But that was when I was a kid. My view of things was a lot more black-and-white, mostly because I was bitter at my situation. As I got older, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was stupid to think all Fishmen were like him. He was the one who hurt me, so he’s the only one who should get my hate.”

“So, you don’t hate them all?”

She shook her head. “Nah. Hell, I was even able to forgive a member of his crew. I’m sure you heard about how Luffy punched a Celestial Dragon?”

Ikkaku craned her neck up to look at her, dark eyes widening in shocked understanding. “Yeah? You saying the Fishman he defended—”

“One of Arlong’s crew. Hatchi. Like all of them, he hurt me too, but it was on his captain’s orders, and he clearly regretted it.” Well, it had been a bit more complex than that. Hell, when they’d first encountered him again, she’d nearly gone back on her promise to Camie to rescue him. Even if he hadn’t abused her like the others, he’d still been complacent in it. Still destroyed villagers homes, held her hostage, attacked the Navy ships that tried to come to the rescue. He hadn’t been blameless in the least. She would have had every right to demand that he be left to be killed or enslaved. That it was karma come to bite him in the ass.

Yet what had swayed her, apart from Camie’s determination to save him, was her own friends’ reactions to seeing him again. Those who knew her past had immediately been ready to turn the ship around and leave Hatchi to his fate. Of course she’d expected Sanji to be her knight in shining armor and want nothing to do with someone who had abused a lady, even by proxy. Zoro and Usopp had been a bit more surprising, though perhaps it shouldn’t have been. They knew what she’d been put through. Had fought and bled for her. Despite their sometimes heated disagreements, Nami knew she could count on them to always have her back.

The one who shocked her the most was Luffy. He might have flip-flopped between reason and his stomach, but the fact was, her loving, forgiving captain had actually held a grudge on her behalf. Hatchi and Arlong hadn’t done anything to him personally, but his nakama had suffered, and that wasn’t something he’d easily set aside. That genuine show of solidarity and loyalty to her had melted what ice had still been around her heart, which allowed her to truly forgive the octopus Fishman.

Yes, Hatchi had hurt her, but her hatred was solely reserved for Arlong, not his underlings who genuinely felt remorse.

“I’m not a saint or anything but hating Hatchi…it seemed pointless. He wasn’t the one who killed my mother. And blaming all Fishmen for the actions of one seemed pretty shitty. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t kill Arlong if I had the chance, though.”

Nami could practically feel the tension drain from Ikkaku’s shoulders, and she couldn’t hide her smile before she looked away. “That’s good to know. That asshole deserves it, from what you’ve told me. He and my brother should meet, then get sacrificed to some kind of horrible sea monster. Plenty of hungry Sea Kings out there to feed.”

“Couldn’t happen to a nicer pair of guys,” Nami giggled as she ran the comb through the last strand of hair. “Though, that might be cruel to the Sea King. Poor thing deserves a better meal than shit like them.”

“True. We’ll just have to think of something else then. We can ask Law; he’s always got great suggestions.”

A shudder ran down her spine, though she had to admit, it wasn’t as horrified as she’d like. She justified it with the fact that Arlong was scum who deserved whatever painful death the likes of Law might propose. So did Ushi, from the sounds of things. Though, Law had said Ikkaku had begged him not to kill her brother. Why? Did she still care about Ushi due to their familial ties? Or was there something else?

Maybe she just doesn’t want her brother’s death on her conscience, Nami thought, putting the comb away and proceeding to raid the closet for shoes. I just hope that doesn’t come back to bite her someday.

XXX

Dinner on the Tang was certainly livelier and noisier than breakfast. Mainly because the crew didn’t have to walk on eggshells while waiting for Law to get his caffeine hit. Most of the time about a dozen different conversations could be heard, utensils clattered against plates, insults were tossed about, and laughter filled the air. But at the moment, the whole galley was silent save for Nami, who was telling the Heart Pirates—save for a few who’d been sent out on last-minute errands—all about her crew’s wild adventure on Skypiea.

“…so, after Luffy beat the crap out of him, Enel flew off to the moon in his gold airship, and we escaped the island with the help of an octopus balloon, our ship loaded with treasure!”

There was a pregnant pause as the Hearts stared at her in a mix of awe and disbelief. She’d had their undivided attention ever since Law announced that the Straw Hats had found Noland’s lost city of gold, all but demanding she tell the tale and not skimp on the details.

Naturally, those details made the story even more bizarre, practically unbelievable, but she gave them what they asked for, so they couldn’t complain. Even Law’s jaw had dropped once or twice in incredulity. Mostly at the part where Luffy’d been eaten by a giant snake and thus been hidden from Enel’s senses.

Finally, a few of the crew managed to find their voices.

“An orangutan nearly wrecked your ship with singing?” Shachi asked, face utterly baffled.

Penguin grabbed his hat and smacked him over the head with it. “That’s what you’re stuck on? That’s from way back in the beginning of the story!”

The ginger punched him in the shoulder in retaliation, which quickly devolved into a childish slap fight. “Well it’s weird, ok?”

“Weirder than Straw Hat punching Kami or the knock-up stream business or the ship that flew to the moon?”

“Yeah! You ever met an orangutan that could sing?!”

“No, but that’s not the point!”

“You met Monte Blac Cricket?” Ermine interrupted, eyes so wide the whites could be seen even under the rim of their hat, though their mouth quickly split into a smile. “Holy shit, I’d wondered what had happened to him!”

“Wasn’t he your friend or something?” Seiuchi asked through a mouth full of rice.

They shook their head, looking a little wistful, a faint blush rising to their cheeks. “Just a neighbor. The people of Lvneel were dicks to his family and anyone who associated with them didn’t get treated much better. But I always thought there had to be some truth to Noland’s story.”

“Because a city of gold is so fantastical it’s gotta be real?” Nami asked, amused. She’d half-expected everyone to laugh at her like the people on Jaya when she’d asked about Sky Island—she’d even glossed over that part, finding no reason to recap such a blow to her pride. Yet instead, they’d been respectful, even entranced by her tale. It seemed to help that she’d been able to fill in a few blanks with what she remembered from Noland’s ledger, thus adding credibility to the man himself instead of just imagining the lying fool the king’s slander had reduced him to.

Usopp would probably love these guys, she thought fondly. Not that they’d likely believe his fantastical lies, but they’d probably at least let him spin his yarns to his heart’s content.

“Because you don’t tell a king about a city of gold unless you’ve got something to show for it,” Uni interjected wisely, ladling some more curry onto her plate. He paused to smile at her with his eyes, the bottom half of his face still distinctly covered by his bandana despite it being dinnertime. This close, Nami couldn’t help but try to subtly look for signs of scarring, and in fact could spot a line of slightly-paler skin peeking out just over the edge. “That, and history’s rarely all that accurate. Full of lies and twisted to suit a certain narrative.”

“That’s the World Government way. I’m sure we’ll see plenty of it tonight,” Law stated, leaning back in his chair as he munched on some onigiri. The bulge in his cheek might have been comical, but the glint in his eye was humorless. “Can’t wait to hear the dumbass assumptions people make about us Northerners.”

Murmurs of agreement echoed throughout the room, though an angry tic formed on Nami’s forehead.

“Are you saying the stuff you had me study is going to be a load of crap?” she demanded, pointing her finger accusingly. Of course she knew history was skewed at best, but she’d spent days cramming! Had weird sexual dreams about him because of it!

Yes she was blaming the book for that and no one could stop her.

He shrugged and took another bite of rice, unbothered by her irritation. “It’s the information you’ll need to be able to regurgitate if anyone asks you about the North.”

“Yeah,” Penguin chimed in, nodding sagely. He and Shachi had finally been pulled apart by Jean Bart and had resumed eating like nothing had happened. “These people aren’t interested in the truth. They just want to feel superior to the ‘uneducated masses’.”

“Buncha pretentious pricks,” Shachi sniggered, balancing a spoon on his upper lip. “Bet they’d have a fucking fit if they found out El Dorodo’s not only real, but in the fucking sky!”

“I mean, can’t say I’d blame them,” Jude grumbled, playing a bit with his food like a grumpy child. “I figured we’d be the ones to find it, but this whole time we’ve been sailing around in a submarine for nothing!”

“You got something to say about my ship?” Ikkaku snapped, glaring at her crewmate. Behind her, Crozier, Cousteau, and Ermine made slashing motions across their throats, silently reminding him that disparaging the Polar Tang in any way in front of its chief engineer was a sure death sentence.

Before he could say anything, Uni thwapped him on the forehead with the spoon, apparently taking just as much offense. “How can you say it’s been for nothing—we’ve found tons of cool shit down here! May not have been El Dorado, but there have been some amazing sunken cities. And fish! We’ve discovered more aquatic animals than any other ocean explorer,” he pointed out excitedly, Cousteau nodding in agreement. “I mean, we’ve seen deep-sea fish not recorded in any book! Extracted hallucinogenic venom from puffer fish! Taken samples of bioluminescent plankton! We’ve seen octopi punch fish!”

“You ever figure out why they do that?” Shachi asked, cocking his head.

“Best I can figure? Spite.”

As weird as this little tangent was, Nami found herself giggling a bit at how excited Uni was. She didn’t know him too well, given how he was one of the quieter, more reserved members of the crew, but it was endearing to see him so animated and giddy as he discussed marine life.

“Plus, it’s cool to study navigational currents and everything, and underwater topography. The maps I can make from that kind of intel are really good,” Bepo added, twiddling his claws a bit beside her.

“Right! And if that’s still not enough to convince you, who needs a city of gold when you can get your hands on more sunken treasure than most pirates see in their lifetimes?” Uni asked, puffing out his chest.

She couldn’t help it—Nami’s eyes lit up with belli signs at the thought of how many sunken ships the submarine probably came across, all that gold theirs for the taking. Most treasure was basically lost once it hit the bottom of the ocean, but the Hearts’ ship and diving equipment turned the ocean floor into their personal piggy bank.

It seemed Jude had the same thought. “You’re right, you’re right,” he conceded, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, it’s a great ship, and we’ve definitely found more than a city’s worth of loot—and yes the fish are cool Uni put the spoon away—but it’s still annoying to find out that we’ve been searching the wrong place this whole time.”

“Eh, happens to every pirate crew,” Jean Bart said, sipping his drink. “You find a treasure map only to discover the gold’s already dug up. Same with legends of lost cities. The fact that the Straw Hats actually found El Dorado and came away with a profit just means they’ve got the Devil’s luck on their side.”

“Or the favor of some god. Probably not that Enel guy, though,” Shachi said with a smirk. “And hopefully nothing from Joras, either.”

There was a murmur of agreement among the crew at that, though Ikkaku looked more uncomfortable than amused. Nami wasn’t the only one to catch that, though, as Uni reproachfully smacked the side of his head with the spoon.

“Dude. Don’t joke about the eldritch horror gods, yeah?”

“Sorry,” the ginger said, blushing slightly as he wiped away the curry splattered across his face.

“Eldritch horror gods?” Nami asked, recoiling at the thought. What the fuck?! Joras sounded vaguely familiar and given the context she guessed it had to be someplace in the North Blue, but she sure as hell didn’t recall reading anything about that! Was this something related to Northern culture, or were the guys just fucking with her?

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head over, Nami-ya,” Law stated with a smirk, though she didn’t miss the glare he sent Shachi’s way. “We’ve been sailing under the ocean for over five years and I’ve yet to see a sleeping god who can turn you mad with terror.”

“No, just an underwater ruin or two that talks about him,” Ikkaku muttered, picking at her food.

Underwater ruins with tales of sleeping gods? Sounds like something Robin would be interested in, Nami thought, nervous sweat running down her neck. Not that she’d be able to blame her. Sure, the archeologist was macabre as hell, but Nami could appreciate her thirst for knowledge, creepy or not. Who knew what history and cultures had been lost to the seas? Maybe there were even Poneglyphs down at the bottom of the ocean!

Damn. Robin and Law would probably get along great. She wasn’t sure if she was frightened or comforted by this thought.

Uni seemed to notice her unease and patted her shoulder. “We’ve seen some strange stuff down there, but nothing more dangerous than Sea Kings. Which, I mean, aren’t exactly friendly guppies, but they’ll leave us be. The Tang’s Seastone coating and electrical defenses ensure that.”

Though she still found the whole concept horrifying, she was appreciated how hard Uni was trying to keep the peace and not make things needlessly frightening for her. The whole crew had a morbid sense of humor, but while she’d mostly adapted, she still found this whole conversation creepy. It made her feel a little guilty for wanting to pry into his business. Yeah, it was annoying to know the crew was hiding stuff from her, but Uni deserved a little privacy, right?

“Yeah, and if there were anything more, Uni’s fish buddies would warn us ahead of time!” Malamute added.

“Fish buddies?” Nami asked, eyebrows lifting to her hairline in surprise. So much for respecting his privacy. “Wait, can you talk to fish?”

The man in question stiffened beside her. “I, uh, I can understand fish a little,” he said, looking nervous. His large hands twisted the napkin in his lap, and he refused to look at her. “It’s a Haki thing.”

“Haki can do that?” she asked, surprised.

“Observation Haki can do a lot of things, and Uni’s the best at it on the ship,” Law cut in harshly, glare brokering no argument. “It’s a skill that’s saved our asses plenty of times.”

Nami blanched at his defensive tone. “Hey, I’ll take your word for it, but you don’t have to act like I insulted his mother or something.”

“It’s ok, Law,” Uni said, shrugging a bit, though his face seemed to sink a little further into his bandana. “I know she didn’t mean anything by it. It’s a fair question, and it is a weird talent.”

“It’s not weird. It’s fucking useful as hell and I won’t hear anyone belittling my crew.”

“I’d never belittle him—” Nami snapped, starting to stand up to give Law a piece of her mind before Bepo’s heavy paws fell on her shoulders, gently but firmly keeping her seated.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly. “Law doesn’t mean you. It’s just…the last person outside the crew that found out, he was extremely cruel about it. Beat Uni to a pulp and even threatened to sell him as a freak show attraction before Captain found them.”

“Oh my god,” she replied, anger cooling quickly as she covered her mouth in horror, imagining Uni bruised and bloody on the ground at the hands of some bastard. Well, that would sure as hell explain why Law had taken such offense. If such a thing had happened to Chopper because he could speak to animals, she’d likely be just as pissed. From the scowls on the rest of the Hearts’ faces, the whole crew felt similar. Her gaze flicked to the fuming captain. “I’m guessing he ended up on your operating table?”

“I wish,” he growled, gold eyes glinting in fury as he crossed his arms. “Marines showed up before I could cut out his heart. Must have been his lucky day, but luck won’t be enough to save him if I ever run into Hyena-ya again.”

“Hyena?” she asked, the name not ringing any bells.

“Bellamy the Hyena,” Bepo explained, snout wrinkling in distaste. “He’s also from the North.”

Oh. My. God, Nami thought, wondering if the world was really so small. “You said Bellamy, right? Blonde hair? Spring powers? Asshole with a stupid grin?”

Law cocked an eyebrow in mild surprise. “Seems you’ve encountered him before.”

She ground her teeth as she remembered the way he’d mocked Luffy’s dreams in the bar. “Yeah. On Jaya. His crew laughed at me for asking about Sky Island and his first mate tried to buy me. Later he stole Cricket’s gold, so Luffy went after him. I didn’t see the fight but given what an ass that guy was…yeah, Luffy wiped that stupid smile off his face.”

Once more the room fell silent, but quickly broke out into thunderous applause.

“Hah! I would have paid good money to see that!” Ikkaku laughed, spirits lifted.

“If he hurt Cricket, I’m glad he got the beating he deserved,” Ermine said with a grin.

Uni smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling happily. “When you see Straw Hat again, shake his hand for me! That guy’s a dick.”

Even Law was put in a better mood, though there was still a malicious edge to his smirk. “Good on Mugiwara-ya. Still wouldn’t mind doing some permanent damage to the fucker myself, though. Bad enough he insulted my crew, but that bastard should pick his idols more carefully.”

Nami’s brow furrowed at that. His idols? The hell did that mean?

She didn’t have time to vocalizing that question, though. Sweat ran down her neck when said smirk then took a more lecherous edge as he rested his chin on his fist, eyes glinting with mischief. “But Sarquiss-ya tried to buy you? I might have prioritize kicking his ass, then. I’m the only one who gets to be your sugar daddy.”

“Oh shut up! You didn’t even buy me new shoes!”

“You got her a suit but no shoes? For shame, Boss,” Ikkaku giggled, getting up to help Seiuchi and Jude clear the tables. “I thought you were supposed to be a ladies’ man.”

“I’m a cruel bastard who doesn’t do something for nothing. She can borrow yours.”

Sauntering over, she playfully poked him in the forehead. “Says who?”

Law snorted and childishly poked her right back. “Me. Your captain. The guy who pays your salary.”

“You pay me to keep the submarine running and sass you when you’re being an idiot.”

“I don’t pay you for that.”

“Mmmm, you’re right; that’s a service I provide for free.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say those two were siblings,” Nami chuckled under her breath.

“Right? When I was first recruited I was convinced they were secretly related,” Uni agreed.

Bepo gave them both a smile and said quietly, “I think it’s good for them. Especially Law. I think he secretly likes having a little sister again.”

Brown eyes widened at that little tidbit. Law had a sister? What happened to her? Bepo had stated the past tense, so there was either some kind of falling out or…

…oh no, she thought, turning to watch Law continue to bicker good-naturedly with Ikkaku, his expression annoyed but the glimmer in his eyes belying that he was enjoying himself. Another piece of the puzzle that was the Surgeon of Death had fallen into her lap, but it wasn’t a particularly happy one. Sure, people died or were killed all the time, but Nami couldn’t imagine what she’d be like if she’d lost Nojiko. And depending on how young they’d been or how she’d died, that could really fuck with a guy.

“Nami-ya.”

Her attention was yanked from her musing as Law called her name. He was on his feet, plate clean and smirk dangerous as he regarded her. Nami wondered whether this would be the last time she’d see him in a genuinely good mood for the rest of the evening. “It’s seven o’clock. Time to get ready to watch history be defiled by pretentious morons. And for your obnoxious thunder god’s sake, make sure you’re wearing shoes you can actually run in.”

( @ninhaoma-ya, @awesomi, @vannahfanfics)

[todomitoukei]

The Todoroki Family & The Umbrella Academy

disclaimer: contains spoilers for bnha chapter 291 & The Umbrella Academy season 1&2

For a while I thought there were mainly parallels between Shouto and Vanya from the Umbrella Academy, two characters who were isolated from their siblings growing up, but now with chapter 290 and 291 giving us a bit more information on Touya and a lot of people claiming he is in the wrong, I feel like it’s helpful to look at the parallels between Dabi and Vanya and how that can show us the possibilities concerning the Todoroki family’s future:

both have the strongest power in their family

end up being ignored by their father and told they’re not as powerful as their sibling(s)

end up isolating themselves from the whole family

expose their family’s secrets to the public

The last part is where the current bnha story ends, so we don’t know whether the aftermath is going to be similar, but let’s look at what happened then in the Umbrella Academy.

the siblings hold a grudge against her for it, not necessarily because of the exposure itself but because they’re all portrayed in a negative way

when they find out that she has powers, some of the siblings view her as a threat, but Allison actually stands up for her and tries to help her

them isolating her throughout the season leads to her causing the apocalypse, further painting her as a threat

while some of the siblings in season 2 still think they should stay away from her, they do end up treating her like a person and being on her side

Obviously not every family has to deal with things the same. But what I like about tUA is that it shows how differently people can react to the same person/events, and that they can change their opinions later down the line.

It’s understandable that some people disagree with Dabi’s decision to expose their family because of the negative effects this can have on the rest of the family that isn’t Endeavor, especially Shouto, whose whole career is essentially going to be about being a public figure.

But you also can’t decide how they’re going to react for them, nor can you say with certainty that they are going to be angry with him because of this.

In contrast to Vanya, Dabi didn’t speak ill of anyone in the family aside from Endeavor. Unlike some people in the fandom, he is not saying “Well, we were a happy family until Shouto came along and ruined everything.” He is not holding a personal grudge against Shouto, because he never really got to know him in the first place.

To Dabi, Shouto is simply the living proof of him having failed as successor. Shouto’s birth was the turning point in his relationship with Endeavor, and for the longest time it was his goal to kill Shouto in the future, but only because Shouto represents what Touya wasn’t able to be.

And yes, Dabi is a villain, someone who has attacked and hurt people and put people’s lives at risk for his own personal goal of getting back at Endeavor. He’s not denying that, though. Also, let’s not forget if you want to bring up Kyushu to prove he put innocent people at risk - Hawks knew about it and didn’t stop it. He risked people’s lives just as much.

People love to be woke about mental health, and whenever there’s stories circulating online about real life abuse victims who speak up about their abuse or even get back at their abuser (in whatever way) - they are celebrated. And rightfully so because coming forward with something so deeply personal and traumatizing, exposing yourself to the public in a way that might stick with you forever is hard and not everyone can do that. But why do people suddenly draw the line at a fictional character who is the personification of how harmful the glorification and idolization of heroes in the bnha universe is. How heroes, who are supposed to protect citizens, are also capable of turning citizens into villains and get away with it.

Dabi isn’t someone who decided to run away from home as a teenager and just stick it to the man. He is someone who has been bred for a specific purpose and once his creator gave up on him, got tossed aside. For years he tried to reclaim his spot, to regain his father’s approval, attention and love, things he used to get, but suddenly were all taken away from him because he wasn’t good enough in his father’s eyes. And for a child, someone whose brain is still in development, it’s crucial to receive care and attention from its parents. Being denied that has negative, long-lasting impacts on the further development, more so than on an adult with a fully developed brain.

He is severly traumatized and was driven to insanity. Did he hurt Shouto by kidnapping his friend during his summer camp? Yes. Did he risk his family’s life by sending Ending to his family home? Yes. But his mind is only filled with the obsession of ruining Endeavor. He is not thinking clearly. Mental illness gets romanticized to the point where any depiction of the darker sides of it gets judged, as if he decided to become Dabi out of sheer boredome instead of it being the result of an abused and traumatized child.

I understand if you care about Shouto and don’t want him to suffer more than he already has. But why are you so okay with an entire family continuing to suffer in silence? Why is it so okay for the family to consider improving their relationship with their abuser while Dabi continues to suffer in silence? Why is he not a worthy victim? Much like Toga has already pointed out in regards to Twice’s death, why are they not viewed as people worth saving in the eyes of heroes who claim that’s what they are all about?

And to those focusing on the effects this might have on Shouto and his career - you do realize he has been vocal about this himself, right? Sure, he hasn’t spoken out about this in as much detail as Touya, partially because he probably didn’t know much about what the family was like before he was born, but he never pretended to have a good relationship with his father. Shouto outright says he hates his father, even in front of other pro heroes, like during the remedial course. So if anything, ask yourself why this child can express his hatred for his own father and the reasons why, and yet no one really reacts to it? Just because Shouto didn’t broadcast it to the whole world, doesn’t mean he never came forward with the truth. The difference between him and Dabi is that he just states these things as facts without any further purpose, whereas Dabi tries to make people see how negative the existence of heroes can be.

Of course it’s likely that they would never have come forward with this to that same extent themselves and would have been okay with that, too. Again, even though Shouto openly states his situation, he doesn’t seek any specific reaction from people. But do you really think the people who have suffered with Touya are not going to show any kind of understanding for him? That they won’t recognize that they could have been him? That Touya needed help he never received and thus ended up like this? Do you really think the people who are already unsure whether or not to forgive Endeavor are not going to recognize that he drove his own child to insanity? That their situation is even worse than they thought?

People are so easy to claim it’s sad how Shouto is starting to care about Endeavor now and that Dabi is ruining that relationship. Shouto isn’t starting to consider warming up to Endeavor because he thinks Endeavor did nothing wrong. Instead, much like Touya, Shouto is a child who is seeking a relationship with his parent, despite the circumstances. But is that what Shouto really needs? To move on with Endeavor in order to have a picture-perfect family, even when that’s never going to be the case? You can side with the abuser, but Dabi is the tragic result of something that could have been prevented. Their family was never normal. It was always a project of Endeavor, so stop pretending like Dabi is the cause of the family’s problems or somehow responsible for the exposure. He is allowed to come forward, even if it also affects the rest of his family. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, or never cared. But his mind is clouded with the thirst for revenge to the point where he puts that in front of the well-being of his family. He can’t control that. People can’t just stop being mentally ill and that’s not going to change just because their mental state negatively affects those around them.

Unlike some other family members, he couldn’t even try to move on. His mind got lost in the darkness and this is his last cry for help. You might prefer for him to just stay dead and not make things worse for the family, but at the end of the day, Endeavor is the one who started all of this. And maybe, hopefully, the rest of the family can recognize that even though Touya didn’t actually die back then, Natsuo blaming Endeavor for Touya’s death is still correct because he did kill Touya, an innocent child, and turned it into someone whose only goal in life is to kill Endeavor.

Maybe they won’t be happy with the crimes Dabi has committed and the fact he exposed their family to the whole country. But I think they are going to recognize the tragedy behind this whole situation and possibly even learn that they, too, are allowed to speak up about this. Because the truth is freeing, even when it’s hard at first. 

[tsukikoayanosuke]

YES, do the silver birthday continuation !!! I trough about asking you about it , but wasnt felling well and forgot anything about asking TvT Doesnt matter who wakes him up (through it would be fun to see everyone fighting to be the true love smoch, and wakes with a platonic kiss in the forehead/cheek by grimm pretty please) but if its other thing it would be great without doubt! Have a nice day!

I don't know who you re but who in the world you know my draft?! XD I've thought about Grim's platonic kiss ending since thought of making a sequel popped up because we need more platonic true love kiss!

So, enjoy this continuation!

Intentional Kiss

The party was doing great until it wasn't. The music suddenly stopped. It was like the air had been sucked out of the bright colored room, everyone stunned in the face of something they ha never seen before.

Malleus Draconia, Prefect of Diasomnia, stumbled into the party room. Before anyone could assume or commented that Malleus finally got his invitation, they realized he was carrying something.

Or someone to be exact.

In his arms, he was holding a first-year that everyone had known as the 'Captain of Ramshackle Dorm'. He was sleeping peacefully, cradled securely in Malleus' grip like a baby. That should be fine. But Malleus looked like he was on the verge of panicking. This was probably the first time anybody ever seen (except perhaps Lilia, Silver, and Sebek) Malleus so out of character.

"Get help."

-----

"What do you mean he can't wake up?" Deuce's question basically summed up everything that currently in their mind. The prefects, along with Crowley, Ace, Deuce, Grim, and Lilia were gathered back at the Ramshackle Dorm. Jonah was sleeping peacefully in his bed, under the blanket. He didn't look sick despite the sleeping curse.

Ace groaned, massaging his forehead. "How many time does this make him trying to get himself killed?" he muttered.

"He couldn't help it," Lilia spoke. He was sitting on the stool next to the bed, hand gently patting the blanket, trying to smoothed the wrinkle on the sheet. Glancing to the headmaster, he watched the man caressed the boy's head. If this was just an ordinary sight, Lilia might say that Crowley was trying to lulled Jonah to sleep. "The curse of the Witch of Thorn's spinning wheel is always looking for an innocence prey."

Riddle had his arm crossed in front if his chest, but his fingers kept tapping his upper arm. "If the curse still the same, does that mean the cure will also be the same?"

"'An act of true love thaws a frozen heart' was it?" asked Idia from the corner of the room.

"No that's a different curse," Malleus said. Most of the Prefect avoided the Diasomnia Leader because of the dangerous aura emitting from him. "'The princess can be woken from her death sleep, but only by true love's kiss. This curse will last till the end of time. No power on Earth can change it.' That was what she said."

Azul stopped shifting anxiously beside Riddle. "So, we just need someone to kiss him?"

"NO!" Everyone turned to Crowley who pulled Jonah's blanket until it reached his head. "I will not allowed all of you to kiss him on the lips without his consent!"

"He's in a sleeping death! He doesn't need consent!" Ace screamed back.

Kalim looked at the rest of the gang. "Does he love anyone?"

Leona shrugged from his position on the room's armchair. "We all know that brat is too dense to realized his own feeling."

Kalim hummed for a while, tapping his chin as he think. Then he perked up, hitting his palm with his first. He turned to Azul. "Azul should try first."

Azul's face immediately went red, meanwhile Ace and Deuce let out an incoherent sound of protest. "Wh-Why me?"

"Well, you like-like him, right?" Kalim asked back. "So it should work."

Ace stood up from the floor. "Like hell we'll let him go first before Riddle!"

It was Riddle's to blush heavily. "E-Eh?! D-Don't joke around!"

"So this is the power of harem protagonist," Idia muttered, to which Leona let out a tired sigh.

Vil finally stepped up, glaring at the two boys for their childishness. "As much as amusing this shipping war is, I don't want to see my baby brother got stuck in an every lasting slumber."

"Then why don't you start?" Leona said, lips curling up to challenge him. "It's not technically incest."

Vil glared at the lion, but he sighed in the end. "Alright then."

Everyone watched Vil walked up to the bed and pulled down the blanket, slightly disappointed that Jonah was still sleeping. Not waiting any longer, Vil bent down and kissed him squarely on the mouth. Quickly pulling back, he let out a sigh when there was no changes. Vil turned around, looking at the occupant of the room, one by one. "Well?"

Ace stepped next to Riddle, nudging him forward. "Come on, Prefect."

Riddle bit his lips. "What if it doesn't work?"

"We won't know if we don't try." Ace guided Riddle to stand near the bed. Riddle took a deep breath before kneeling, pressing an awkward kiss.

Nothing happened.

Riddle sighed. He stood up and turned to Azul. "You. Do it."

Azul raised both of his hands. "Riddle. What chance do I have if it doesn’t even work with you?"

"None of us want Jonah to sleep for a hundred years, right?" Riddle stepped forward, poking Azul on the chest. "So, take that risk."

Azul groaned. "Alright, alright." Walking toward the bed, Azul leaned down and kissed the sleeping pirate. He couldn't say that he was surprised when nothing happened. He glanced at Riddle. "Told you."

Riddle sighed. "It was worth a shot."

"Can I?" Kalim raised his hand. "Just to make sure..."

"Please." Azul stepped aside. Kalim walked to the bed.

"Sorry about this, Jonah." He dropped a lightning quick kiss against his lips. He let out a sigh of relief when Jonah stayed very unconscious. "Good. I-I mean, damn."

"Language." Leona stood up. He took a quick stride and gave Jonah a perfunctory kiss, much to everyone surprise of his spontaneous. "Well, now that's settled, I'll get the rest of the boy's harem."

"Hey, I'll come with you." Kalim followed Leona out of the door.

Lilia sighed. He gave the boy a small kiss. Nothing happened. He turned to Malleus. "Would you want to try?"

Malleus was silent, watching the sleeping boy. For some reason he felt guilty despite none of this was his undoing. Lilia walked toward him, giving him a pat on his back, enough to push him forward. Brushing the bangs out from the boy's face, Malleus leaned down and kissed him. Everyone let out a sigh of disappointment when nothing happened.

"Lilia, I'm going to find and alternate counter curse for this." Without waiting an answer, Malleus walked out the room, slamming the door behind him.

Lilia sighed. He turned to the remaining occupant. "Please, excuse us." He then walked out.

Deuce stood up from the floor. "I should try too." He knelt down next to the bed. "I swear, Captain. If it's me, I'll slam a cauldron at you." He kissed Jonah. He let out an exaggerated sigh of relief when nothing happened. He turned to Ace. "Your turn."

Ace rolled his eyes. "Don't make this sound weird." He quickly kissed his captain to no result. "Damn, we need to gather the whole school if this keep up. Why is he being difficult?"

Taking out the headmaster and Grim from the equation, everybody turned to the only person who hadn't had his turn.

Idia squeaked. "M-Me too?"

Azul rolled his eyes. "Come on, Idia. Be a good sport and kiss him."

Idia groaned. "Fine, fine." Quickly walking to the boy, Idia gave him a quick kiss and immediately step back.

"Not you either, huh," Riddle muttered. Idia sighed in relief.

"Can we keep Ortho out of this for now?" he asked. "If you're really desperate than I'll let him do it."

Crowley nodded. "Alright. The teachers won't be going into this yet as well."

The boy was still sleeping peacefully, unaware of the panic outside his sleeping realm. Grim flew down to the bed, curling up next to Jonah's head. You better wake up soon, Captain.

-----

And thus the parade of people walking into the Ramshackle Dorm to try to kiss the sleeping captain awake started.

-----

Jack and Epel stopped by. Epel kissed Jonah on the mouth. Nothing happened. He turned to Jack. "Come on, Jack. Your turn."

Ignoring the teasing grin from Epel, Jack kissed him. Nothing happened, but someone watching Jack blushing madly was pretty amusing.

-----

"If the Young Master thinks this will work then I'll do it!" Even Sebek's loud voice couldn't wake up Jonah. Nor his kiss. Nor even Silver's kiss. Lilia and Malleus tried to cheer both of them up, especially Sebek, from sulking to deep.

-----

"How tragic~" Rook wooed. "Forgive me, Vil. But it appears my kiss was not what he needed.

Vil sighed, watching his little brother worriedly. "We'll look again."

"As you wish."

-----

Ruggie pulled back from his kiss. Nothing happened. "Well, I tried." He turned to Leona, stretching out his palm. "My payment."

-----

Jade's kiss was short, but no avail.

When Floyd's kiss didn't work, he suddenly started to hugged Jonah until his joint nearly popped. It took all of Azul and Jade strength to pull him away. They didn't the captain to actually die from suffocation.

-----

Jamil felt very uncomfortable when kissing Jonah while Kalim was watching. Both of them were relieve when he didn't wake up.

-----

"A sleeping curse, huh?" Cater muttered. "Never thought I will see this happen."

"And only a kiss can wake him?" Trey asked.

Riddle sighed. "Hopefully."

Trey nodded. Going first, he kissed Jonah lightly. He shook his head. "Sorry, Riddle."

Cater tried next. It didn't work for him as well. "Anyone else?"

"We tried many already. But nothing worked," Riddle answered. Trey gave him a comforting one sided hug.

"We'll try more."

-----

Crowley stepped into the room once everyone was cleared. Grim was sitting next to Jonah's head, weakly patting his cheek. "Do you want to sleep with Mister Trappola and Spade, Grim?" Crowley asked, walking up to the bed.

Grim shook his head. "I'll stay. Just to make sure no one is going to get in in the middle on the night."

Crowley nodded, pulling a stool to sit next to Jonah, watching the boy in his enchanted sleep. Using the edge of the blanket, he wiped the boy's lips. He would probably be shook knowing that his first kiss was taken away when he was unconscious.

Brushing his finger to Jonah's cheek, Crowley couldn't help but feel sad with how cold it was. The boy is always warm like the sun, not cold like ice. Crowley sighed, brushing the bangs of his face. He slowly lowered his head to Jonah's, pressed a light kiss on the top of his head. "I hope you have a nice dream, my boy." He turned to Grim. "Protect him well, okay?"

Grim nodded firmly. "I will." Grim stared at Jonah before reading forward, giving a small lick on his cheek before nuzzling him.

"Thank you." Crowley stood up again before walking toward the door. He reached for the handle-

"Nngh..."

"Jonah?"

Cowley quickly turned around. Grim stood up on the bed, his paws on Jonah's cheeks. "Jonah! Oil!" The cat started to licked the boy's face as Crowley ran toward the bed again, watching with wide eyes behind his mask as the boy slowly opened his black eyes.

"Grim..." Jonah slurred, pushing Grim's head away. "You're spitting all over me."

"JONAH!" Grim collided forward, hugging Jonah around the neck. "You're awake!"

"Yeah..." Jonah coughed. "Don't choke me though."

"Oh, sorry!" Grim and Crowley helped Jonah sit up, watching the color flooded his skin. Once the coughing stopped, Jonah looked around.

"Where am I?"

"Back in your room," Crowley answered. "What is the last thing you remember?"

"Well..." Jonah massaged his temple. "I think it was a party in Diasomnia and I went to find Senior Draconia, and then..." he frowned. "I did something...?"

"Yeah." Crowley let out a chucked. "You pulled quite a stunt today."

Jonah looked even more confused. "What exactly did I do?"

"You pricked your finger on the spindle of a cursed spinning wheel," Crowley said.

"You pulled a Sleeping Beauty at us!" Grim added. "Stupid Sleeping Captain!"

"Geez, it's not like I want to be the next Sleeping Beauty." Then he realized something. He looked around the room, noticing the wasn't anyone else beside the three of them. "Then, who is my True Love Kiss?"

Crowley laughed. "Only you can pull this kind of thing, Mister Argentum."

"Wait. Who kissed me?"

"Either me or Crowley," Grim answered.

"And before you throw accusation..." Crowley put a hand on Jonah shoulder, stopping the boy from screaming in panic. "I think the only explanation I can think of is your True Love Kiss isn't romantically, but platonically. True Love Kiss is basically a really unbreakable bond between individual. In many cases, it's romantic love, but for you, my only guesses is the trust you give."

"Trust?"

"You just don't love someone because they're handsome or beautiful, but also trust and commitment. Tell me, Mister Argentum: knowing this, why do you think our kisses work while the others doesn't?"

Jonah looked down to his blanket. "Well... I guess I really trust you guys." He looked at Crowley. "Headmaster, you take care of me and I'm forever grateful for that. Not only that, you teach me many things I don't know. And uh..." He scratched his blushing cheek. "I guess I think you as a father for me."

Crowley laughed. "The feeling is mutual, my trouble-making son."

Jonah giggled and turn to Grim. "And you were there since the beginning. You are my best friend and I know you won't leave me alone."

"And I won't." Grim puffed up his chest proudly. "I will always be there for you even if the others are gone."

Jonah laughed. Crowley pulled the boy and the cat into a hug. "Thank you for waking me up," Jonah whispered.

Crowley pressed a light kiss on top of his head. "You are very welcome, my sleeping captain."

[atopearth]

Ikemen Vampire Part 7 - Theodorus van Gogh Route

Okay, I'm really hoping I'll like this route because Theodorus' looks are 100% my type. Not gonna lie, it was love at first sight when I first played this game lmao (so dramatic), I think it's the eyes and the brown hair, he just looks so beautiful🥺🥺 Hmm how interesting, I would like to see how long Theodorus and them can hide from the heroine the fact that they're all vampires. Considering that Theodorus is an art dealer, I wonder how he got that gigantic scar on his back, it must have been pretty bad if the heroine was ready to run away lol. Anyway, half naked Theodorus was nice fanservice I guess, too bad I prefer my LIs clothed hahaha. Omg, I know he just called her a dog but it was honestly pretty hot🤣 Anyway, I love how we've seen 3 different outfits from Theodorus already, that grey suit actually suits him pretty nicely!

HAHAHA, I love how the heroine apologised to him saying it was her bad for thinking that he was actually being nice (when he said he'd carry the painting just in case she got run over by a carriage with it since she was careless lol). It was nice how Theo's attitude changed a bit from his usual harshness when the heroine genuinely asked him what art dealers do (since she's being forced to help him to keep the secret about the scar), I guess when it comes to art, he's nice to everyone haha. The art deal was cliche since the heroine has got to see how cool Theo is at inspecting fake art etc, but Theo made it pretty entertaining tbh, it was great how confident he was, how concise he was with his words and how it felt like he knew the heart of the painter when he checked it, he was really cool!🥺 Even though Theo isn't the most outwardly nice person, I love seeing how kind and thoughtful he actually is. Not only is he a great brother to Vincent, I honestly didn't think that he went around selling the art of young and budding artists too! I really liked how he got the heroine to choose a painting that called out to her heart so that she could more personally experience picking art for herself with her own eyes and without being reliant or biased by Theo's trained eyes, I think it's really nice to see how Theo is really properly trying to guide her even though he probably made her his assistant on a whim to protect her from the whole vampire thing.

LMAO when Theo started tickling the heroine because Vincent wanted to see her smile so he can more visually see what he can fix for the smile on his painting. Theo really would do anything for Vincent🤣 Hahahah trust Theo to actually have a dog as a pet, it's especially funny since he keeps calling the heroine his dog lmao. I have to agree with the heroine, imagining Theo picking and buying that magnifying glass for her as a present was such a cute image, I couldn't help but smile. It's nice to have the confirmation from Theo himself that he started dragging the heroine around because he wanted to enjoy her time here. I feel like the reason he's doing all this is related to how Vincent died, since we all know Vincent van Gogh didn't exactly lead a happy life, and as the brother who couldn't "save" him, I'm sure Theo feels terrible about it, so I feel like he wants others to be able to enjoy life if they can? Well, I knew that with Theo secretly supporting artists to draw stuff other than what's allowed (religion and landscapes), it would cause trouble but I didn't think they'd really try to kill him, pretty crazy. But I guess he is forming an organisation to go against the Academie and threatening their positions in society so it should be expected in a sense. I'm glad the heroine was able to tell him that even though Theo thinks the true geniuses are people like Vincent, people like Theo are also irreplaceable for being the ones to discover these artists and work hard in bringing them to light and change how art can be perceived, since without people like him, not everyone may necessarily appreciate the art. I find it really sweet that the heroine got to see firsthand how hardworking Theo is and be inspired by him and want to help him achieve his goal of giving people the freedom to draw what they can and expand the world of art. I also love how much of a home she's made with the young artists now that they even ask her for her opinion as well, it's so cute~

LOLL it's so cute how Arthur telling Theo to go on a date with the heroine is like an instant no, but when he says the heroine wants to learn more about art, Theo's like let's go and doesn't listen to anything else hahahah. It was sad when Theo talked about how he didn't have the talent to be an artist and it took him a long time to admit that, but it was really sweet of the heroine to tell him that him following his dream until the end meant something because he was able to become who he is today after it. It's something so simple, but I think it kinda hit me too haha. It was really cute how Vincent patted Theo on the head for helping him arrange an exhibition for him, it's so cute to see Theo as a little brother haha. It breaks my heart to see Theo so traumatised by the sound of gunshots... Anyway, because of the Theo in this game, I googled a bit about the real Theodorus van Gogh and I just found it so saddening to read about how supportive he was of his brother Vincent van Gogh and yet everything ended so tragically, I think the existence of his numerous letters to Vincent really showed his love for him and it just makes me sad to think about how he must have felt over Vincent's death.

Hearing Theo personally say that Vincent is his whole world and that he refuses to let this second chance at life slip through his hands really makes it hard to tell him to not work so hard, since he more than anyone else knows the value of life and how important it is to do what you can in the time you have. So I'm really glad Theo's words got through to the heroine, and now she's decided to force him to let her help him as much as she can, then he won't need to do everything by himself. Shakespeare really likes to cause trouble, doesn't he? Regardless though, I guess it's good for the heroine to find out they're vampires if she really wants to stay by Theo. I like how she took the whole revelation though, she was shocked but understanding and I guess that's thanks to Theo for treating her so well, but also because everyone treated her nicely I guess. It was cliche but I really loved how the heroine rushed into the burning gallery to at least save the painting Theo and Vincent really treasured. For Theo to so earnestly cherish a specific painting makes the heroine understand just how important it is, so I could see why she would risk her life for it, and as someone who has seen his most precious brother die without being able to help him, Theo understands how heartbreaking it can be to lose someone suddenly, so I also really liked how he rushed to save her, and hugged her in the heat of the moment since he was so worried that he would lose her.

Although I'm not familiar with Paul Gauguin and his paintings, it's fascinating to find out that Vincent van Gogh and him lived together for a bit! Also crazy to Google that it seems like them living together ended with Vincent slicing his ear off and Paul leaving or running off to Paris. Anyway, for this story, Theo says that Paul was the person who shot Vincent to his death and then ran off, and then when Theo confronted him about it, he admitted to killing Vincent, and then shot Theo when he tried to leave?! Woww, that's so despicable. Honestly, I love how straightforward they are with each other. The moment Theo realised that some things needed to be spoken rather than assumed, he went to clear it up with the heroine that he does like her and hopes that he can move forward from the past with her. Whereas, with the heroine, she misunderstood (understandably since he was shy towards Arthur's teasing) but she still was brave enough to tell him that even if he didn't feel the same way, she would still love him, which was so cute haha. So, I'm glad they communicated properly and even held hands!

Although I'm disappointed that Theo and Vincent's deaths weren't as recorded in real life since I think it would have been really interesting to explore Vincent's suicide and Theo possibly being so struck with grief over it that he passed away half a year later, it was nice to see Theo overcome the desire for revenge and recognise that loving art is a blessing and not a curse even if they may not be the most talented painters. I'm kinda sad that Gauguin was such a basic villain though lol, like he's pretty crazy to kill people because he's jealous of art talent, and honestly he doesn't deserve forgiveness lol. I guess Theo had a love-hate relationship with the wheatfields painting. He couldn't help but love it since it reminded him of his and Vincent's pure love for art back in the day, but at the same time because they could never go back to that, he hated seeing it, but when the heroine risked her life to save the painting from the fire, he realised how important it really was, and how he loved it more than he hated it. On another note, I feel like it would be pretty cool if we could have something like a spin off and romance the "villain" counterparts of each of the LIs hahaha. I honestly loved how Vincent and Theo properly told each other how they really loved each other and cherished the fact that they were brothers even though Theo once upon a time did wish to not be his brother. On the other hand, I really didn't like how Theo also ended up going back with the heroine to her time and leaving Vincent. Like, I know and understand the idea of the usual stuff like it's about time Theo got to live for himself blah blah blah, but honestly, Vincent's existence is so integrated into Theo's life, I feel like having one of them missing is like losing a part of themselves even if it's true that they can thrive by themselves. It's also such a shame since I feel like Vincent and Theo finally properly opened up to each other and could spend more time happily bonding rather than being fixated on stuff like revenge and other worries, so yeah I'm sad for the romantic ending lol.

Overall, I really liked Theo's route! Well, I liked everything before Gauguin came into being lol, because he was made into such a weird obsessive character that is probably the worst villain to forgive lol. Like, how can someone who loves art just as much as them be so fixated on jealousy and kill people because of it? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it was super out of nowhere and a weak way to show that he's a "villain", when I feel like they could have done something more like Isaac Newton's villain where they did share the same love and passion for their respective skills, but things just happened causing rifts and stuff, so yeah, Gauguin and the last bits were pretty disappointing. However, I did really enjoy how this route tried something different with Theo hiding their vampire identities to protect the heroine, and I think I really felt how sweet, loving and caring he was. I also loved seeing how passionate Theo was with art and art dealing and how his relationship with Vincent was full of love but also some strain. I think their brotherly bond was nicely portrayed, but also could have been focused more on instead of the random Gauguin imo haha. Anyway, even though the heroine and Theo's relationship was pretty dramatic at times especially with the fire and stuff, it was still really sweet, and Theo definitely grew on me as they both worked together and she came to understood his dream haha. I think I personally like Theo's and Mozart's routes the most.

[yandere-sins]

This may sound like a bit of an odd request, but out of the Kou bunch (from magi) who would you say make the worst and terrifying yanderes (like worst yandere to less worse) and why? I hope this makes sense!

I am finally back from all the celebrations and from commission-work I did, woohoo! Sorry for the long wait on all the requests and asks!

Mhm, I am going to count in the Haku’s and Gyokuen because I am not sure if you wanted it narrowed down or all of them!

»»————-———— ♡ ————————-«« 

On first place, I’d put Gyokuen/Arba. Not a hard decision considering that before Hakuryuu’s rising, she had everything. The power, the money, the army. If she had wanted, she could have legally kidnapped her darling in a matter of a mood change. At first, she might think it’s nice just to keep them around, having them humor her - after all, no one can refuse the empress when she asks them for tea. So no matter what, she can see them as often and as long as she likes anyway. But there might always be the occasional person trying to steal her darling away, or maybe they are getting a little bit too aware of her, so it’s only proper and no bother at all to have them restrained and wrapped nicely for her, literally served on a silver tray if she wishes for it. It’s a hell to endure to be with her too, so they are most likely to submit to her on some point, just to withstand her madness

Second, I’d put Kouha. He has more violent thinking than he has reason, and though he obeys his oldest brother, he’s still doing his own thing nonetheless. He can be quite manipulative if he wants to since he knows what the people talk about him. It will be easy to make his darling seem like just another mad person that he takes on, and even if it takes a little longer, eventually, they might end up thinking everyone else is right, and they have lost it too. That will be his shining moment, as he can swoop in and make them believe he is only doing the best for them. However, he doesn’t stand back from big, painful punishments, the bloodier, the merrier until he’s as feared as he is loved by his darling(s)

Number three is Kouen, who, after Gyokuen, is the most influential person. He has a harder time to get away with kidnapping and keeping his precious locked away, but still not enough to make it a challenge for him. Kouen also tends to be hard to read, and what makes him happy, might come as a surprise and a scream to his darling. Aside from that, he can be moody, ignoring them for days on end until they beg for his attention, or being too rough, too violent, too stressed with them until they flinch from his gaze only. Kouen is a really tough nut to get on his good side with too, making it incredibly hard to please or gain some merits from him, and they’ll start to like being locked away alone because it at least means he’s not locked in the same room with them

The two in fourth place would be Kougyoku and Hakuryuu both. They tend to act similar in the way they handle their darlings, which is tantrums and crying fits at first whenever they fear their darling to leave them, restraining and punishment if the crying doesn’t help. They both want to be pitied and loved by their lovers, but they are not as stupid as to leave doors unlocked, and they will pull all of their backstories and tragic life on display whenever they feel their darling slide out of their hold. They don’t necessarily have the back-up from their families to do what they are doing, so like Kouha, they need to be more manipulative and bringing the darling to the point they’ll stay on their own - out of fear or feeling bad for them doesn’t matter

Hakuei is an angel compared to her brother and cousins. She is very understanding, motherly even. Her darling will be blinded by her determination and ‘good’ intentions for them and actively choosing to stay with her. But every pretty rose has thorns and her darling better not mess something she imagines them to be up while they are with her. Her beloved would never think about going out alone, or accidentally drop their tea-cup. From one moment to the next, she’s not that nice and holy anymore. Suddenly she’s the embodiment of rage, and they cower before her anger and strength. But if they apologize and shiver long enough, she is sure to forgive them, pulling them in a hug and comfort them. Hakuei’s darling does good with learning from their mistakes though, as she might not be so forgiving next time

Last but not least, Koumei. He’s a lovely yandere with neither the time nor the state of awareness that he can really keep his hold on them. His darling is mostly free, up to the point he actually managed to sleep for once and hunted them down to satisfy various needs like social interaction or desires. Luckily, he learned from the last few dead darlings that he shouldn’t lock them, up or they will die pathetically as he doesn’t have the time or mind to look after them. However, they are still somewhat restrained by him forming political connections with them as his concubine and, as such, keeping them in the palace. His orders are absolute, so if he says no going out, that’s that. But they might catch him off-guard with a wish while he is too busy to care, allowing them to go shopping with a guard. Really, as long as they comply with him, they will have a good day

[thesadchicken]

What was wrong with the Picard finale

okay so before I start I just want to say that I really don’t like being negative, especially when other people seem to be very happy with how ST:P ended. I’m usually the one saying ‘hey, don’t rain on other people’s parade’. But since I was asked… here it is. 

also: this is my personal opinion about the ending but it doesn’t mean I hated the entire thing. I’m only this upset about the finale because I really liked the rest of the show, and frankly I thought they could have done much, much better.

So basically… I thought it wasn’t very clever, to put it mildly. Because:

We don’t get any real answers to the questions we’ve been asking ourselves the entire season. Why did Data team up with Bruce Maddox to create all the android babies? What was his purpose? And the super-powerful synth entities that were supposed to destroy all organic life in the galaxy: who are they? Why are they doing this? 

The Romulans are too easily convinced. They went to so much trouble finding the synth homeworld. Infiltrating Starfleet Command, orchestrating the incident on Mars, driving their own people to the very brink of extinction. They didn’t care that Captain Riker brought the entire ‘Fleet to stop them. They were going to kill the synths, by Remus! Well, until they heard Picard via subspace giving Soji an (admittedly very nice) speech. That convinced them, like, right away. I can’t believe they would just abandon a mission they’d been working on for 14 YEARS? Just like that? Because Picard said please?

Same thing goes for Starfleet: too easily convinced. So Riker is just going to escort Oh out of Federation space, huh? She’s not going to stand trial for, uh, I don’t know, infiltrating Starfleet Command?? Also how convenient that the Federation lifted the ban on androids so Soji and Picard can just live their lives as if nothing happened. Too easy.

Now all that I can forgive. Like honestly… it’s not that bad. A bit frustrating, but not tragic. What really pisses me off is this: (here’s the part where I get a bit more negative, sorry lmao)

They put Picard in an android body! But it’s an exact replica of his own natural body! I can’t say this enough: an EXACT replica. Same age, same everything. He will even die of old age. Nothing has changed at all except for - ah, so convenient! - the brain abnormality, which is gone “for good” (I quote). HOW? How did 3 people do this in, what? A day? Soong had been struggling with this for decades. And now suddenly it’s that easy? The result is PERFECT too. No glitches, nothing out of place, nope. And they’re so chill about it! They just redefined life as we know it but no biggie, they’re sipping earl grey tea and laughing about it. Is no one going to have an existential crisis over the fact that humans are now potentially immortal? That Jean-Luc Picard’s brain/thoughts/soul/whatever have been transferred to a synthetic body? I mean this is huge and supposedly impossible to do. Why are they so casual about it? 

It was unnecessary. Picard’s body was fine. They didn’t need to put him in a new (but it’s an exact replica!) one. The problem was his brain. It all just seems so pointless. Same with having the entire crew cry their eyes out over his death. Did they not know that Soji, Agnes and Soong were working on reviving him? Was it supposed to be a surprise? 

Data. So after 20 years of thinking Data was dead, turns out he isn’t really. He’s in some sort of mechanical limbo. Do we get to celebrate this? No, because he dies 2 seconds later. Maybe this is just me, but it feels an awful lot like cheap shock value.Data is a fan favorite, that’s no secret. They just had to kill him again. Because, you know, watching a beloved character die once isn’t quite enough. Yeah, it’s a tearjerker (I myself cried not gonna lie) and don’t get me wrong, the imagery was really fucking beautiful (the cinematography, the entire scene at the end, wow) But. My question is. WHY?? If they can revive Picard, a human, and put him in a new body, then why not do the same for Data? Why keep him there for 20 fucking years?? When he was obviously suffering? WHY. I’m asking the writers: why do this? What does it add to the story? Picard didn’t even ask him what the android babies were all about. It gave us nothing.It just really seems to me like the writers know Data is everyone’s favorite, so they had to squeeze every last bit of content out of him. And it was poorly executed, in my opinion, because none of it made any sense, and it was super rushed.

So yeah, that’s it. There are also some minor details like: why do they not refer to the ‘brain abnormality’ (which we all know is Irumodic Syndrome) by name? And at the end where the hell did Narek go? What about the Borg Cube, what happens to it now? 

But I guess those might be answered in season 2. 

All in all I was very disappointed (so disappointed I could have cried, I swear) because it was going so well, and they’d set it all up so perfectly, it could’ve been epic. Instead I feel a bit cheated, like they wanted to sell me Data’s sad death once again (Blue Skies and all) and tried to distract me from the obvious lack of answers by waving android!Picard at me. 

(I would also like to point out the lack of LGBT+ characters??? not a SINGLE GAY IN SPACE??? and yeah no Raffi and Seven held hands but that’s not representation is it? That was cute in 1967 when same-sex love was censored. But it’s 2020 so how come Agnes and Rios get a kiss but for Raffi and Seven all we have is ambiguous hand-holding?)

Oh well. Can’t wait for season 2 anyway, it was a good show to be honest and I did very much enjoy it (despite… everything I just said lmao) 

also i’m a sucker so of course i ship the fuck out of seven/raffi even though they literally gave us nothing thanks cbs you know that i’m a clown and that i’ll take anything lol 

[blarfkey]

📈 for Dorian and his father in DF? You’ve mentioned that Halward and Istie was an unexpected development.

Bless you and thank you, you always give me asks and I love them!

So the question: What character arcs did I plan for Dorian and Halward?

Long answer:

Something I realized as I was writing the first third-ish of the fic was that Ellana gets a lot of help and support from her friends. Like, a lot. And it doesn’t make her weak or less independent, but I also had the uncomfortable realization that it was turning one-sided.

I hate it in stories when the writers feel like The Hero is entitled to help and support from the side characters just because they are the main character. Everyone likes them without there being a real reason for it. And I didn’t want Ellana to be like that.

So I started pulling stuff from the personal quests of your companions in the games so that Ellana could help them and return the favor. Thus, Dorian’s story with his father was created. It was initially supposed to be self contained in the chapter Halward appeared in, where Ellana convinces Dorian to give his dad another shot, and then wash her hands of the situation because it, frankly, isn’t any of her business.

But that didn’t happen because Dorian’s relationship with his father and the way I had adapted Halward to fit in this fic just got me in the feels. I mean, how tragic is it that you think you’ve lost someone forever just for them to come back in your life exactly the way you always wanted just for that to be agonizingly temporary?

Dorian’s character arc with his dad is more subtle because it’s all in the background, but I wanted him to be able to show that forgiveness, when it happens in the right context, can be a powerfully healing thing. That Dorian had tried to forget just how much the lack of his father’s support in his life affected him and now he can’t pretend any longer.

Also, Dorian is in the same position that all young-ish adults find themselves in -- and I also find myself in at 30 -- that there comes a point where you are the caretaker for your parents. Your parents get old. They need help. They need support. Suddenly you are the strong person who can get everything done and they’re fumbling around like children. Dorian has had to step up become responsible for another person, when he has only been responsible for himself and has a track record of self-destructive behavior.

Dorian is learning selflessness alongside forgiveness because this relationship is deeply unfair to him. Halward gets to regain his son and make up for past mistakes and die knowing that he made things right. He also gets to die under the care of someone who loves him rather than some strange nurse or doctor. Dorian gets to care for his father long enough to get emotionally attached and then go through the grief of losing him all over again, only this time it’s worse because he doesn’t have his anger at his father to overshadow the grief.

He is also going go through more development in the coming chapters, but I’m not spoiling those, haha.

As far as Halward’s character arc goes, he initally didn’t have one because he already went through his growth in order to go back to Dorian.

But then Istie came to visit. And as I was looking for something for Istie to do during her visit, I realized that her and Halward would be at Skyhold at the same time, they’re roughly the same age, and that they would probably have a lot in common despite being polar opposites of each other.

I imagine Halward’s life as being very devoid of genuine affection. Dorian says as much when he talks about his own life in Tevinter. Marriages are arranged, everyone is obsessed with getting ahead at the expense of others, and your reputation and how you look on the outside matters so much more than what’s going on inside.

Halward does love his son, but I don’t think he and his wife had much to do with each other besides putting their family’s fortunes and reputations together and making an heir. Halward is very passive in this fic and I think Dorian’s mother had a lot to do the attempt to change Dorian’s sexuality and Halward just went along with it. It wasn’t until he lost Dorian that he realized how much he fucked up and how much he loved his son. That’s why he allowed Dorian to stay with Alexius and go to college in Ferelden than go after him.

Meeting Istie just floored him. She is the first woman he has met who is sincere and genuine in her warmth and affection. As Dalish, she gains nothing and wants nothing from someone like him and seeks out his company because she enjoys it. Their stark differences allow them to have a friendship where Halward has no worries about motive. And once he gets a taste of that, I think he falls for her pretty much instantaneously.

(The hints at their friendship in the background after Istie goes back home cropped up for a sense of continuity but I got really attached to the idea of them and now I’m emotionally invested. I played myself, lol.)

Maybe Halward doesn’t go through a journey so much as he’s finally seeing what relationships are supposed to be like and what could have been possible for him.

As far as how Istie feels about him, I guess you guys will find out that part later!

[sj4iy]

Translation: “Ao no Exorcist” Chapter 100 Summary (Spoilers!!)

Here is your (on-time) summary of this month’s chapter of “Ao no Exorcist”. Please forgive any translation errors or typos. Spoilers ahead!

Ao no Exorcist

Chapter 100: SsC00:40 (T/N: finally, a different title)

Rin is standing on a roof on a snowy day, looking at a young man with his back to him. When the man looks over his shoulder, Rin is shocked, and when the man sees Rin he takes off. Rin isn’t sure what just happened when suddenly Mephisto arrives and tells him that he’s the future Father Fujimoto. Rin asks him if he came with him but he replies that he’s the Mephisto from 40 years earlier. Rin doesn’t believe him because he looks the same but he tells him that he’s a demon and the king of time. Mephisto turns into a dog and says he’ll guide him for the time being, and warns him not to forget that this trip will turn tragic.

They use Mephisto’s key to go inside a building, and Rin asks where they are. Mephisto replies that time and place don’t change very much, and that it’s the North block of True Cross Academy, the low budget residential area. Rin mentions that it’s run down, and Mephisto replies that it’s a dangerous place, full of abandoned buildings where homeless people and criminals lived. Rin then sees a figure run past and thinks it’s his dad, but someone else calls out ‘Yuri’ and then tells a little girl that this isn’t the time to be hanging about and that it’s time to eat. She responds “Okay!!” and runs by. Rin is shocked and Mephisto tells him that this is the future Yuri Egin, his mother. Mephisto then asks him to not engage with the people from the past as much as possible, because while it won’t cause a time paradox, it will create confusion. Rin replies “I don’t really understand what you just said, but I get that you’re telling me to keep my nose outta their business”.

Rin watches Yuri eat dinner with her family as they warn her not to stay out so late because of the dangerous people. Oku-chan mentions that both she and the Old Woman (Obaba) were exorcists. Yuri mentions that she’s not scared of of monsters, and that recently she saw ‘blue fireballs’ and wasn’t afraid at all.  The old woman says “Those are the ‘Rinka’” (’will o’ the wisps’) and that they are seen all over the world and have many names. Yuri asks why, but the old lady says it’s a mystery. She says they’ve been called the spirits of the dead or hellfire, as well as goblins, fairies and the borrowed forms of kitsunes.  Yuri is fascinated by this but Niko-chan (as Yuri calls him) tells the old woman to stop it because she’s becoming a crackpot. The old woman replies that crackpots are more interesting.

Niko-chan watches over a sleeping Yuri and comments that it’s about time they sent her to school. He asks if Oku-chan still has her exorcist license, but she replies that she could work if her eyes were better. She tells him that they alone should rent a house and live properly, but he declines, saying that Yuri is happier with everyone there. Rin says “They looks so happy! I’m glad” and Mephisto says that he’ll jump ahead in time to the next day. Rin opens a door on a trash heap and says that there’s no ground. Mephisto shushes him because Yuri is nearby. She’s setting up cans to play tea party with a doll and kettle. Rin says it’s too sad and wants her to make some friends. Suddenly, one of the cans pops up with blue flame. Rin and Mephisto realize that it’s Satan, and Mephisto explains that Satan’s flame was called “Rinka” during this time period, and that in this way satan would appear in Assha without any context and then disappear again. Yuri then sets up a row of pencils nubs, one of which pops up with a blue flame. She does the same with a line of broken chairs, and they all catch on fire. Rin asks if Satan’s playing with her, and Mephisto replies that it’s Satan’s selfless form, and it was the first small ‘cultural exchange’. Just then Niko-chan finds her and tells her that it’s dangerous and that she shouldn’t play in there. As they walk away, he tells her that she could be buried alive by the trash but she says that there are many interesting things there.

Mephisto then takes Rin forward in time to see the old factory where Yuri and her family lived on fire. She rushes through the crowd, screaming for them and is told by a fireman to stay away. We hear others saying that three charred corpses were found, and that it seems that some homeless people were careless with fire as Yuri stands forlorn in a snow covered ruin. She lays down and starts sobbing in the snow. Rin looks on and says that it’s too sad, but Mephisto warns him against helping her. Eventually Yuri gets up to find some food, but is shooed away when she asks a vendor for some. She eventually finds a small hidden room, fully furnished to get out of the snow. As she looks around, she finds a bed, books and even a porn magazine. She then finds food, and starts shoveling the food in, all the time apologizing for doing so. She eventually falls asleep on the futon as Rin looks on, wondering if what she did is okay.

Suddenly Fujimoto as a young man suddenly appears before her. He angrily asks her what she’s doing, sneaking into people’s places, and then threatens to kill her. Rin realizes that’s his dad and realizes that he looks just like him. Yuri apologizes, introduces herself and tells Fujimoto that her entire family died and that she had nowhere to go. He says that he doesn’t care and not to expect sympathy from him, and to get out before he kills her. She protests that she’ll die if she has to go out in that cold, and he tells her to ‘go ahead and die, it has nothing to do with me”. She looks like she’s about to cry when she suddenly calls him a ‘snow man’ (雪男). She explains that the old woman used to say that a ‘snow man’ was dumb, big, cold and scary. She yells that he’s ‘just like that’ and that he’s malicious because he won’t even let her stay until the snow stops. He asks her what he would gain from it, that he made this place to hide out and that he didn’t have the leeway for others to stay. She then presents the porn magazine and he tells her not to look at it. She tells him that she knows where there’s some thrown away porn magazines and that if she stays until the snow stops in the morning, she’ll take him there. He finally gives in and allows her to stay the night.

Rin thinks “The old man liked big breasts back then…?” but then wonders why Fujimoto lived like that. He then notices that Mephisto has disappeared. Meanwhile, Fujimoto is making a fire and mentions that it’s cold. Yuri then snuggles up to him. He freaks out, and she says that it��s warmer if they cuddle up together, but then wonders whether or not ‘snow men’ can even get warm. He says that he’s not a ‘snow man’, but then says that he might be like one, because he’s not human. She then says “So warm! You’re warm, even for a snow man”. Rin covers his face with his hands, thinking that his mom reminds him a little of Shiemi. He then thinks about his mom’s words, how even a ‘snow man’ can be warm.

He then hears “Step lightly” “We’ll catch him for sure” when suddenly a dog-demon bursts into the room in front of Fujimoto. Suddenly there are several exorcists standing over him saying that he’s ‘been found’. Fujimoto says “…I get it” as the man compliments him on his ‘hiding place’. “Among the AZ unit, only you could do such a thing”, the guy in the glasses says to him. Glasses man then asks him who the kid is, and Fujimoto replies that she’s just a homeless girl who snuck in by herself. The realize that she can see the dog, and a man in the shadows says that her being able to see demons is a different matter, and that the probation officer at the asylum will investigate her identity.

Rin watches as Fujimoto and Yuri are led to the van, wondering what they meant by ‘asylum’. Yuri asks what kind of place it is, and Fujimoto replies that it’s a shitty place and that she has bad luck. As they drive on, she sees True Cross Academy in the distance.

To Be Continued in Issue #8

[emmisays]

I’m Scared Stupid! (No, really...)

Hey you! 

It’s been a while since I’ve vomited some words on a page to you lot. And I happen to have my laptop open and a coffee in my hand and an hour to spare here in New York, so I thought I would tap something out to you. Prepare yourself. I’m feeling verbose…

Firstly, let me start with saying how grateful I am to you guys for all the love you’ve shown for ’Scared Stupid’. I’m really glad you’re feeling it! But before we move on to Chapter 4 (FRIDAY!) I wanted to share with you guys what inspired me to write it. Because while it absolutely is a tongue in cheek, neurotic little pop tune, underneath that is a very real and serious theme that’s quite personal to me. And I wanted to speak about a thing called anxiety and share my own story with you. I’ve been deliberating as to whether I should go there or not, but on the off chance that it might resonate with you or help you in some way or even just be of interest as we get to know each other, here goes…

I’ve been afraid of death since I first understood what it was. I’d think about it. Obsess about it even. I was constantly imagining horrible things happening as a child. My mum would be all of 10 minutes late to pick me up from a class and by the time she arrived I’d have already imagined at least three tragic reasons for the delay, played them out in my mind and attended both her funeral and my own. I’ve had a sense of pending doom for as long as I can remember. And for the longest time I just put that down to being a conscious human… aware of my own mortality and powerlessness in this life. But a few years ago I realised that wasn’t the whole truth. I, like so many of us, have anxiety. That feels strange to admit publicly even now.

See when I was a kid my parents worked for a missionary organisation that saw us living in the developing world for some time. And I’d say there is a healthy dose of adrenaline required when you are dropped off in a village on a mountain top next to an active volcano without knowing a word of that tribe’s language and told “see you next week”. I don’t remember being afraid. Mum and Dad made us feeling like everything we encountered was an exciting adventure, something to explore not fear. But any fear or ‘fight or flight’ hormones coursing through my veins (or indeed my parents) then would have, under the circumstances, be considered justified. We had some ttiimmmmesss....

The first instance of irrational fear probably started when I was around 8 years old. We were in Papua New Guinea and I asked my folks if I could go on a sleepover with my school friends at a dorm house at the local American mission school. They said yes. That night us girls went roller skating (yes, in line skates… and we still wore scrunchies because we were frozen in time over there!) had dinner and went to bed, only to be woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of sobbing and wailing. We went out to see what was happening and the teacher informed us that the father of one of the girls there, who had been held captive by militia for some time, had been assassinated. In that moment, stood amidst the shock and grief around me but perhaps not fully understanding it, I developed a fairly illogical (but understandable) idea I would hold onto for many many years to come: when you are away from your parents they die. I didn’t go on another sleepover until I left home at 16 years later. I would make myself sick to get out of school camps. The feeling was real. The thinking was not. 

A few years ago, now living in London and worlds away from that time, that feeling of pending doom I’d carried with me as a dull ache all my life started becoming more prominent. Quietly at first, as a knot in my stomach and then in a more noticeable way (shortness of breath, tightness in my chest, pounding heart). And I would feel that rush of adrenaline and be flummoxed because I’M ACTUALLY SAT IN A LOVELY CAFE IN SOHO! So what was there to be afraid of? I was confused and terrified by these very real physical symptoms that were suddenly presenting themselves in me with seemingly zero cause. And the more confused I became, the more mad at myself I got. This is ridiculous. Pull yourself together! You’re a smart person. There’s no sense to this!  And the madder I got with me, the worst more extreme the symptoms became...

I had my first anxiety attack at home in Oz with my family. Nobody knew what to do. Least of all me. My family knew me as a bit of a jittery character ...  but hyperventilating and publicly falling apart in a pizza joint was a new one on all of us. I was so embarrassed. I felt like I was losing my mind. But I shrugged it off the next day as a ‘one off’ thing and hoped that was the end of it.

Back in London, however, as the weeks passed and I started opting to stay indoors all day because of that heavy feeling in my stomach… and then the next…. and the next…  I knew things had gone from bad to worse. My relationships were suffering too. I wasn’t letting love in, because I had shut down, so I couldn’t have been giving much out either. Much like the videos I made for Scared Stupid, moments of joy or moments with my family and friends would pass me by because they would be immediately accompanied by a sense of foreboding. How will this go wrong? Not only was this thing stealing my own joy, but it was stealing the joy of the people around me too.

So I eventually decided to talk to someone. And I wanted to share my experience of how that went down because a) I want you guys to know me and b) what I was told in that time has helped me no end ever since, and I don’t want to keep that all to myself. 

Perhaps you are sitting there reading this now thinking you’d like to see someone but perhaps it feels ridiculous, or unnecessary, or maybe you just can’t afford it! (That was a struggle for me too) Or perhaps you’re sitting there and you know someone who suffers from anxiety. Well, whatever the case, I hope what I tell you now can be of some help to you, or if nothing else an education. 

When I started therapy it took five minutes to realise that there was a lot more than that pesky knot in my stomach to address here. A whole lot more. I unpacked the whole darn attic of my life and mind and realised I spent most of my life apologising for taking up the space I inhabit... among many other things. And in just a few sessions I was a changed me. (No… correction… I didn’t actually change at all. I was still the same me, but now I was conscious of myself and who I was and WHY and of the people in my life and who they were and why.) And I left with more love and forgiveness for everyone in my life and everyone I encountered because, yep!, you guessed it, I had more love and forgiveness for myself. Bingo!

Then came the day we spoke about my anxiety. I happened to be having a day of it and so she asked me to close my eyes and actually feel what I was feeling and sit with it. So I sat there and closed my eyes and just felt … and tears immediately rolled down my face in the silence. I’d never done that before. Really sat with it. Anxiety was always a war with me. Something I fought. Hard. Something violent. And I was surprised at how sad the feeling was. How tired and weak it felt in the silence now that I’d given it permission to exist. She asked me where I felt it and I pointed to my tummy. She asked me what it looked like and I told her it was a swirling green and yellow blob thing. She then asked me to draw it on a piece of paper. When I finished she said “Well that’s a kidney.” Makes sense I guess.  

(Geeky side note: green and yellow are two recurring colours Shakespeare uses  to describe anxiety or pining too.  “She pined in thought, and with a green and yellow melancholy, she sat like patience on a monument smiling at grief.” - Twelfth Night. Thus ends my geek aside…)

Then she asked me: “What would you like to say to your anxiety?” 

The fight came back in me immediately. I took a deep breath and said clearly and loudly... 

“Fuck off. Just fuck off.” 

“Why?” She asked. (I figured she was being the kidney thing so I went into improv mode. You can take the girl out of acting...) 

“Because you shouldn’t be here.” I said. “I’m a smart person. And you are ruining my life. And you have no point. And you need to fuck. right. off.” 

I opened one eye to catch the lady smiling at me in that all knowing way that counsellors do which is half annoying, half comforting like a parent. 

“So do you feel better now?” she asked.

“No. Worse.” 

“I know.” She said. “We can stop now.”

What she then told me both saddened me then saved me.

“You have anxiety. And you will always have anxiety.” 

WHAAATTTT?!? 

“But see the thing is this. Your anxiety is a good thing. It was there for you when you needed it. It was a survival defence. And as long as it made sense to you, you didn’t mind it sticking around. But now you don’t feel there is a point to it, you don’t want it. And that is totally understandable. But you have to learn to listen to it. Even if you think it is pointless. Even if you think it has nothing to say.” 

I’m a sucker for images and what she said next really hit things home for me. 

“See… anxiety is like a small child. A little kid who will come up to the table while you’re at dinner with friends, or in the bath… or at the most surprising of moments and just tug at you. “Mum! Mum!” It wants your attention. It’ll start as a whisper. Now if your first reaction to that tug is at a 10…  “FUCK OFF! GO AWAY!” and you ignore it, the child won’t understand. They’ll do one of two things. They will get louder and louder until you notice them and give them the attention they crave. “MUM! MUMMMMMM!” Or they will cry and make a scene. Maybe even have a tantrum. But the one thing they will not do is GO AWAY.” 

“Balls. So what do I do then?” I asked. “You listen.” She replied. 

“When that child tugs, you stop what you’re doing and say …oh hey… there you are again… what’s up?” And you spend some time with it and close your eyes and just see if they have something to say. You let them have their moment. Sometimes they will have nothing to say. (Much like kids coming to the table “What is it darling?” …”Ummmm…. I like kittens!” (they skip off into the distance).) They’re  just content to have had your attention. And they will eventually take a seat next to you quietly. Or get on with a jig saw puzzle or something. But sometimes they will have something to say. Something important that you may need to hear. And they may stay with you an hour or even a day, or even a few, and that’s ok. But you take the child’s hand and let it walk with you. And you listen. And let it be what it needs to. Because if you don’t, that child will grow and grow until it’s a giant next to you that you are looking up at and screaming at. No, it’s not going anywhere and that’s not in your control. But you can choose how it stays with you. Hold it’s hand. IT IS SMALLER THAN YOU.” 

For whatever reason that image helped everything. I stopped fighting and started listening. (By the way, I was never really yelling at my ‘anxiety’ ... I was yelling at myself, which was never going to work. Be careful how you speak to yourself. Negative company can be toxic, especially when it’s with you 24/7.) 

And I’ve been holding this child’s hand for a long time now. People close to me have also learned to hold it’s hand with me too, which has helped me no end and I am so grateful. Because when that kid turns up at a family dinner uninvited, or takes over my face while we’re watching a film…  it makes all the difference that someone might notice and say “Are you ok Em?” or just hug me without saying anything because they know. Or maybe we exchange a knowing smile that says “here we go again” ... the way you might if a naughty toddler cousin or your weird uncle started playing up. Cos’ you can’t choose your family. And you can’t choose anxiety either. But neither are going anywhere so you gotta get along right?

But above all... no-one asks WHY? anymore. No one asks me to stop feeling what I’m feeling. And I’m learning not to ask that of myself either. Anxiety is not the enemy. It’s just a part of me that makes me brilliantly sensitive and expressive and aware as much as it can be a negative sometimes. You can’t fix anyone. You can only ever be with them. 

That’s all I got. I have to get on with my day and this has become a blog of EPIC proportions!

But I wanted to share this with you because it helped me so much. And for all the fun videos of me ‘not enjoying myself’ in ball pits and on carousels and around kittens and puppies and cheese… underneath it all is a very real thing. That so many of us deal with. And I want to say, if this is you too I get it! And I hear you. And it’s ALWAYS good to talk about this stuff. And nothing is ever too silly.

I think we have to choose to feel the pain and the fear when it comes. And to sit with it a while. And give yourself time to cry on a bad day. And time to think. And talk it out. That way you stay open. So that when happiness does sneak up on you, or laughter, or love, or joy… you can really sit with those feelings too and really feel those highs and take pleasure in the moment and in the eyes of the people around you and stop time for a second. 

Enjoy that ice-cream and that puppy and that grumpy cat! (Actually… on second thoughts don’t worry about the cat. He was a bully.) But just feel it all. Because it’s a privilege to be alive and feeling anything at all. 

We’re all going to die. Most freeing fact there is! (And this is officially the worst end to a blog. Ever. In the history of blogs.)

EMMI “We’re all going to die.” 

You’re welcome. 

Happy Tuesday folks! Looking forward to seeing you guys on my live feed for more chats. I’ll hit you with a time ASAP.

Em

xxxx

FULL VIDEO OF SCARED STUPID NOW ONLINE: https://youtu.be/hfBYW28bEAU

[captnswilson]

Together

Written by: warlcksbane

Prompt: Steve’s hope is restored as he reunites with Tony

Characters: Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Thor Odinson

I’ve never written anything stony related before but I really need this reunion. It takes place two days after the tragic ending of IW. Platonic stony, a bit of romanogers and mentions of Bucky, Peter and Pepper. Enjoy! 

Everything seems to be unbearably quiet. There is a certain unspeakable rule that everyone ought to avoid unnecessary sounds and keep conversations to a minimum. It is possible that the reason for this passive, silent life of the Avengers is that they have not yet fully realized what happened just two days ago. Maybe they still don't know that hope has turned into grief as all is lost.

Steve Rogers is no different from people who only tend to stare at emptiness or walk in and out, barely making any sounds. Sometimes, as at this very moment, he catches himself looking down at his hands and waiting for a trace of ash to appear on them.

He closes his eyes and once again sees his friend's frightened face before he disappears where Rogers cannot follow him. “Steve,” Bucky whispered back then before crumbling away.

Not only the loss of Bucky makes Steve wish he had died too. He thinks of Sam who happened to be completely alone when his end came, and of Wanda who had to watch Vision's suffering before leaving this world herself.

All heads are suddenly raised, and all eyes wander to the door when Natasha appears. Steve is relieved, as always when he sees her.

“Steve,” she turns to him. “Thor came back.”

Nothing more is needed to say for him to get up and, in the company of Natasha, head to the place where the ship has landed. He cannot help but wonder if there are good or bad news waiting for him.

“Did he manage to rescue anyone?”

“All friends of Rocket have disappeared among Dr Strange, whoever he was, and Peter Parker,” Natasha informs him.

“Parker?” The image of that young boy appears before his eyes. “You mean this kid from Queens? Spiderman?”

“Yeah,” she admits, looking away. “Only one person survived. He had to see them all die.”

“Tony.”

Steve can only imagine what Tony must feel. The rest of the way Steve and Natasha spend in silence until they finally reach the ship. Thor smiles at the sight of them, though it is rather a smile resulting from politeness than from happiness.

“How is he?” Steve asks even though he expects how the answer might sound.

“Not good,” Thor responds. “I found him on Titan. Honestly, I have never seen Stark in this condition. He is completely broken.”

“Let’s go, Thor, we’ll inform the others,” Natasha suggests. “The boys have to catch up.”

At the thought of having to face Tony after two years of separation, Steve feels something crush his chest.

“Wait, Nat!” He grabs her arm. “I can’t go there. Tony won’t want to talk to me. He… he hates me.”

Natasha gives him a benevolent smile, which is the only light in the darkness that has been surrounding them for two days.

“I really doubt that. Half of humanity is gone, Steve. No time to scratch old wounds. Tony is stubborn, and he won't make it easy for you, but there is no one in the world who should talk to him if not you. He needs you, just like you need him.”

Steve stands there for a long moment, watching Natasha and Thor leave him. They are still alive and well, so maybe not everything is lost. And Tony...

He takes a deep breath and climbs aboard the ship. He finds Stark faster than he would want, and at the sight of his old friend Steve realizes that he is not ready for this confrontation.

Tony does not even look up to see who dares disturb his peace. He is sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the wall of the ship, keeping his hands on his knees and looking blindly at something in front of him. He indeed looks quite different than the old version of Tony Stark who Steve used to know. There are blood marks on his clothes, and his hands are covered with something dark, like... When Steve realizes it must be ash, he suddenly gets sick.

“Is Pepper…” Tony's voice sounds so strange, as if it belongs to a completely different person.

“She’s fine,” Steve assures him immediately. “Natasha tried to reach everyone whose safety wasn’t certain. Pepper is alive, though very worried about you. Unfortunately, we do not have any news from Hill and Fury.”

An act of nodding the head. That's all Steve gets from Tony who closes his eyes and in doing so seems to close himself from the world around him.

Steve does not know what to say to dissipate the sadness and regret hovering in the air. Finally, resigned, he sits on the floor and leans against the wall in front of Tony, who seems to be ignoring him. The unspoken pain of the past two years is consuming Steve from the inside, but he has no idea how to get rid of it. No word nor gesture seem to be appropriate.

“Who else?” Tony surprises him with this question, still not looking at him. “I figured out Vision must be gone since the purple monster managed to get all the stones. Who else is gone?”

“Wanda, T’Challa, Sam…”

“Rhodey?”

“He’s alive.”

“What about your best friend?” Tony opens his eyes; his voice as cold as his stare. “You know, the one who killed my parents.”

Steve swallows hard, not looking away from Tony.

“He’s gone. I assume you see it as an act of justice.”

“No, I don’t.”

Tony stands up slowly, wincing as if every move hurts him. He approaches the window, leans one hand against the wall and stares at what is beyond Steve's reach.

“Two days ago, I met a bunch of idiots who were so determined to kill Thanos but at the same time just as unprepared as everyone else. They did not mean much to me, but when they started to disappear…” His voice breaks only to become bitter rather than sad. “Among them, there was Dr. Strange, a wizard who gave up the time stone to save my life. My life in exchange for the half of humanity, can you hear how ridiculously it sounds? A moment later, he disintegrated in front of me, just like everybody else.”

“Just like Peter,” Steve realizes. “I’m sorry, Tony. I know how much you cared about him.”

Tony's bitter smile reflects in the window, and then he rubs his face with his hands, not paying attention to the fact that he can get dirty. Steve starts thinking that Tony will finally allow himself to release the despair which, apparently, he suffocates within himself, but he only turns away from the window and begins to walk around the ship.

“Peter,” he whispers. “All I ever wanted for him was not to get involved, not to risk everything. He was just a kid.”

“It wasn’t your fault.“

“Really? It felt quite opposite.“ Tony stopped in front of Steve, who raised to finally confront his old friend. “Before Dr Strange died, he said that it was the only way. Maybe, just maybe he saved my life because he knew I had to survive.”

Steve blinks in surprise, rather expecting words of hate than a hint of hope from Tony.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that there might be a chance to save the world. All those people... What if they aren't dead but trapped in another universe or something like that?” Tony takes a few steps toward Steve, this time speaking with strength in his voice. “Or maybe there is way of time travel without the time stone?”

It’s all Steve has needed and more. A glimpse of hope.

"I've been thinking of the same, Tony, but I would never dare to think of it as something possible.”

“Old men can have wishes too,” Stark teases, sounding more like himself than a minute before. “It's not impossible. In fact, the word impossible is getting more and more useless as we live in a world where everything can happen. Thor, Bruce, Natasha, you and me… It seems that the original Avengers are still alive. Perhaps it’s time to reunite and save the world one last time.”

“But how?”

“I have no idea.” Tony walks away a few steps, passing his hand over his face. “I only know that no matter what, I won’t give up until I’ll bring Peter back.”

His concern for that boy is so strong that it is affecting Steve. Suddenly everything becomes obvious, words flow from his mouth without any difficulty, as if they have been just waiting for the right moment.

“If we’re about to fight by each other’s side, there cannot be any remorse and sorrow,” Steve says, wishing Tony would turn to him and see only good intentions in his face. “I’m sorry, Tony. I'm sorry for turning my back on you and choosing Bucky over you. I'm sorry for being a terrible friend. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but please, don't hate me.”

A short silence reigns between them before Tony turns to look at him. 

“I don’t hate you, Steve,” Tony finally addresses him by his name. “I’m sorry, too. I understand that Barnes was brainwashed and even if I don’t like him, what is hard to hide, I’m sorry you had to lose him again.”

Steve manages to smile, for the first time in two days, then hugs Tony without a second thought. Stark clumsily pats his back, apparently surprised, but does not reject him. At least not immediately.

“Okay, Cap, it’s enough. I cannot allow myself to be moved to tears, what will people say? I already look like a mess.” He steps away from Steve and looks at himself appraisingly. “I need a shower and a phone. If I don’t call Pepper she’ll give me worse hell than Thanos.”

Tony turns to leave the ship, but suddenly changes his mind, walks over to Steve and shakes his hand.

“Do you remember the word you used when we fought against Ultron? Very cliché. You said we would do this-“

“-together.”

“Yeah, and if we lose…“

Tony silences, waiting for Steve to finish his sentence. Rogers smiles again, squeezing his friend's hand more tightly and only now realizing how much he has missed him.

Bucky, Natasha, Sam, Vision, Wanda, Thor, Peter, Rhodey... Tony. Maybe grief can turn into hope again and not all is lost.

“If we lose,” he repeats, “we do that together too.”

[italicwatches]

Animal Sentai Zyuohger vs Ninninger - Part 1

Well I suppose we’ve got to sidestep to handle this one. I’m gonna level with you, Ninninger wasn’t a series I liked a ton at the time, and my opinion hasn’t improved with time. It was just such a series of dropped opportunities that spun its wheels instead of doing anything with any of its plots, and the movies already have a tendency to, well, spin their wheels for lack of being able to do much to the actual stories.

But I’ve been wrong before. Let’s see if maybe I’m wrong again. It’s Animal Sentai Zyuohger vs Ninninger the Movie: Super Sentai’s Message from the Future from Super Sentai, part one! Here we GO!

-TOEI LOGO, with a Zyuohger animal cry.

-We begin, in fire. A shinobi boy runs into an open stadium, to see the Super Sentai heroes dead on the floor! DRAMATIC.

-Cut back to Before. The crew are off on a camping trip out by the river, and even better, it’s out in the middle of nowhere so they can let out their animal heads. They can relax, and unwind, and not give two fucks about anything…Of course, as they relax, they’re being watched…

-While Misao is still on his way, having taken his time putting together perfect bento box lunches…When that little shrimp of a shinobi barrels past him and oh god all the bento boxes spilled. Miao is in despair.

-Back at the campsite, Yamato’s ready to start cooking some food…When the zyumen suddenly get vibes. Something is coming…! And it’s, to nobody’s surprise but the cast, a series of colorful shinobi, who think these animals are demons using the power of Sentai to commit evil! …Sure. Sure you know what let’s just roll with it.

-AKA NINJA SHURIKEN. THE CHANGE! NIN NIN NIN! NIN NI NIN NIN! Shuriken Change! RED! BLUE! YELLOW! WHITE! PINK! NINJAS! The shinobi who won’t hide! Shuriken Sentai, NINNINGER!

-Instincts Awakened! The Zyuohgers block a series of gunshots with their armor, as the two teams square off…And the fight is on!

-TITLE CARD! God I swear these get more absurd with every movie…

-So Eagle goes after Aka in the sky, Lion faces Ao’s trickery, Shark and Shiro clash, Elephant and Ki are against each other, and Tiger faces Momo. As you can imagine, these fights take a certain comical absurdity…Well, until everyone gathers back up, and it’s time for WHALE! Whale fires up a vicious, charged Final shot into the ground, slamming the shinobi back. …BOOK IT!

-And thus Aka decides to scale it up. Shuriken Combination! SHURIKENJIN! …Well shit.

-Zyuoh Cube! Animal Combination! ZYUOH KING! ZYUOH WILD! Gotta get those older toys to sell somehow, right? Of course, Shurikenjin manages to hold its own against both, keeping them from surrounding him…And Aka launches Shinobimaru to produce tons of chaos when they try to put on a unified front! Leaving them to call up UFOmaru for SHURIKENJIN UFO!

-Okay, fine, time for power. WILD ZYUOH KING! The mechs combine, and Aka’s kind of fired up at this serious fight. So, finishers? Finishers!

-SHURIKENJIN! UFO BIG BANG!

-ZYUOH DYNAMIC STRIKE! Beam claaaash! Which core team will reign supreme?

-The beams just make an explosion that send both teams flying. Well that’s one way to avoid answering the question. Everyone’s injured enough to be ripped out of their armors, as Yamato finds himself landing right by Takaharu…Who still has a sword. …Shit. Which leads to another scrambling battle, as he just tries to get away from the furious armed man…

-Meanwhile, Misao is in despair when he finally gets to the campsite…And finds it bombed out and burned to a husk?! Oh god, what happened?! NINJAS happened.

-The rest of the Ninninger team get back to their place, unable to reach Takaharu…And are greeted by…

-What the fuck is this thing.

-Runrun. This thing is called Runrun. Who insists their people were wiped out by the evil demons pretending to be Super Sentai, the Zyuohgers! I call horseshit. So, everyone’s left trying to figure out a plan…Not least being the fact that they only fought five Zyuohgers, and even independent sources can verify there are six…

-Meanwhile, the rest of the crew are stuck without Yamato or Misao, and are hanging out at a courtyard with food stands trying to sort out a plan of their own…With one certain food stand being manned by a certain fellow who’s listening so very closely to this talk of zyumen and ninjas. Tusk’s immediate thought is they need to know what a ninja is capable of if they’re going to fight one…

-Which is when the shinobi cowboy of legend appears before them!

-Yamato continues to insist he’s human and doesn’t have a tail, as their fight goes to a park…When the shrimp ninja comes to stop his father! …Takaharu thinks he would remember impregnating a woman.

-Back at the cabin, Mario’s working on a frog sculpture…When Ki and Momo come to observe…And Mario throws two of his sculpting knives at their hiding point, getting some kind of sense that something had intruded on his space! It’s a very good thing that Misao announces himself when he steps in or he might die.

-And Misao is deeply concerned about what he saw and hopes the others are okay…And then as soon as Mario turns away, the shinobi snatch Misao up and drag him out into the woods for some persuasive conversation.

-And then Misao falls into depressive despair so they knock him out. And Runrun is very pleased.

-While Yamato is meeting this kid, one Igasaki Yoshiharu. Son of Takaharu, back from the future. Oh that makes sense. Takaharu believes it in two seconds because he’s dealt with all kinds of weird ninja shit, while for Yamato that’s a bit of a bridge too far. …Look I’m just glad this dumbdumb isn’t trying to kill an actually good Red.

-So the kid came back using ninpou, and Yamato just gives up trying to sort it out.

-And then Takaharu asks about his future self…And learns he suffered a fate even worse than baldness.

-He died.

-One day from now, both teams are killed in a terrible battle. Yoshiharu came back to try and prevent it…

-While resident cowboy Kinji is explaining ninjas to the zyumen. And with the sun so low in the sky, he has clearly been doing this for hours.

-Which is when Cube Rhino appears, with a letter! A ransom note. Misao’s been captured, and they’re to come peacefully and turn themselves over if they want him unharmed…And Sela is furious.

-When Kinji reveals, THE CHANGE! Shuriken Change! STAR NINJA! The colorful star, STAR NIN—

-Come here motherfucker

-Back at the cabin, Yamato, Takaharu and Yoshiharu are at the cabin, where he lays out, and this may shock you, that Runrun tricked the two teams into destroying each other. And with nobody to safely pass the torch of power, no new Super Sentai teams were able to form…That power, what we Americans would think of as the Morphing Grid, was lost. A world without heroes to fight evil…

-Takaharu is at least able to apologize deeply from the bottom of his heart, and beg forgiveness, now that he knows he was operating on false information. So who in the hell is this Runrun for real…

-Cut up to the Big Bow in a flashback. Runrun was hired by Naria, an outside consultant with skills in manipulation and hero assassination. A little independent action to make Genis’s life easier. With skilled manipulation, and a pollen that blocks all communication signals, Runrun can easily twist the situation around…

-Case in point? The other Ninningers want to interrogate Misao some more. And that mask that Runrun’s put on him to keep him from shouting, also lets him put words in Misao’s mouth and make him ‘confess’!

-In his head, the phantoms try to get through to him, you’ve got to get this mask off! But his hands are bound…He’s got to find a way to change the script…

-While back at the cabin, Takaharu and Yamato have to set this right…

-The next morning, the rest of the crew brings a bound and gagged Kinji. This is now a hostage exchange.

-Of course, transformation devices come out…Shuriken Change! Instincts Awakened! Yamato and Takaharu arrive too late to stop the fight, as things go from bad to worse…And now these damned fools have decided there’s only one way out of the situation, and that’s to win. When the duo see their respective Sixths, and free them…

-But both now have pride on the line, as it’s Shuriken Change, Instincts Awakened, and these damned idiots make it worse as they just end up fighting eachother. Oh my god you’re all dumb.

-And then Takaharu decides the only answer is to just smack everyone down and make them listen. And now Yamato’s the only one here not fighting, as he realizes something has to be up. Something’s in his head. In all their heads. Got to stay calm, focused, can’t take up arms…Got to disarm them!

-Which is about when Aka gets blasted by his own sister for getting in her way, and Takaharu slides back, at least calmed down enough to not be fighting anymore…But now neither of them have any idea how to get out of this situation…

-As both teams bring up their respective finishes, the narrators shouting all over each other! Yamato and Takaharu sprint into the center…And both nearly get shot by their teams’ respective finishing blasts, as explosions and chaos echo through the gym amidst Runrun’s laughter…

-And as the smoke clears, Yoshiharu arrives in time to see that cold open, to see both teams laid out on the ground…

-Which is where we’re going to stop for today.

Well I guess that’s it, no more Super Sentai! Tragic, really. I guess the rest of this series will just be about Genis conquering the world.

…Okay we all know I’m lying. Come back next time for the rest of the movie to see how the teams recover and team up for a big epic showdown against this teletubby-ass villain. Wait for it!

[linkspooky]

The Hardest Lessons Learned

We’re actually given, several hints not only this chapter but beforehand. Including the chin touch as he says he’ll catch up, that Kaneki did not really believe he would make it out alive from this fight. 

That Kaneki, while deciding he wanted to live and find a purpose for living, had resigned himself to his death once again.

In this chapter we finally witness what has been put off since basically 100, and that is true tragic consequence. Not from the cruelty of the world, but rather for it’s lack of forgiveness towards Kaneki’s wrongdoings. It’s Karma. Remember, everything that happened so far Kaneki has been warned of far in advance.

When Kaneki takes no steps himself despite being warned several times ahead of time, how can tragedy be averted? When Hamlet fails to avenge his father and spends the entire play in indecision. When Romeo and Juliet fail to think on their situation and their families and decide to get married instead. When Othello fails to trust or believe in his wife the smallest amount. 

When Oedipus pursues the truth, but is at the same time terrified by that truth then how can he possibly avert tragedy? 

Kaneki’s greatest fear, that he’ll be locked into his decisions and forced to bear witness, powerless to change the results.

Kaneki’s greatest oversight, that there is a reason behind all of the suffering in his life. That he is special in some way, that his motivation is stronger, the unfounded assumption that he is important, he matters, he stands above all others. 

That he is the main character of a tragedy.

As assumption that makes him forget that just like himself, there are also people fighting for things that are important to him, to protect them, and therefore his own urge to fight or protect is not somehow more special, more stronger, or guaranteed to win him the fight.

We were warned as explicitly as one chapter ago, that we cannot fight our loss. That doing so is really an attempt to spare yourself from the loss, or substitute yourself into the loss and therefore the price for fighting your loss is always yourself. 

We see Furuta lecture Kaneki, on other basic things he was warned about.

Kaneki is told, not to base his decisions on his feelings, to learn to trust anothers and not to base everything on himself, and most of all to make and stand with his decisions and we see him do none of these things. He renegs on the one decision he did make, he fails to trust both Tsukiyama and Nishiki with him to come with and provide support and instead goes entirely alone back home, he makes his entire decision based off of a bad feeling he had in the first place. 

Furuta tells him as much, one small difference in the fight and he could have won. What that means is that Kaneki really has learned absolutely nothing since the last time he fought Arima and ended up in a similiar situation.

Unlike Arima though, Juuzou is not secretly fighting with the intent of bettering Kaneki. Kaneki’s unlimited supply of mentors who are willing to take the blame for him, and take the consequences for him, set up all things in his favor on the assumption that this time, he might move, seems to have finally run dry. 

From the Anteiku arc forward, Kaneki has only ever moved as a result of another pushing him. Hinami begs him to save her mother, Itori pushes him to investigate the Gourmet, Ayato kidnaps him and bodily drags him, Yamori tortures him until he’s finally ready to defend himself. Aogiri moves on Kanou before he does. Uta tells him point blank where Rize is hiding. Touka tells him to go back to Anteiku. The Anteiku raid happens before he returns. Arima drags him out of V14 by the hair, but only after Hide told him to go down that route to fight. 

Eto returns his memories for him. Kanae saves Tsukiyama, not him. Arima slits his own throat. Eto tells him to become one eyed king. Furuta stages an attack on the CCG for him. Furuta resolves the clown raids himself, by operating both sides of the conflict. 

Kaneki puts off making any kind of decision himself for as long as humanly possible, and when he finally does make that decision he goes back on it. He decided to return to Anteiku, he decided to return to the 24th ward all alone.

We see countless parallels to the Anteiku raid. With Yomo saying that you have to live while losing once more, Touka choosing to run away from the conflict eventually rather than stay and fight, but I think most importantly of all Kaneki is once again stopped from achieving his want of protecting someone just short, by an equally obstinate force in Arata armor who just like him, refuses to change and instead chooses to protect what little they have remaining at the CCG.

Not only that, but also Juuzou and Kaneki much like Amon and Kaneki had no reason to kill each other, and yet still fought because each considered their reason far more important than backing down. 

The translation for Jaiminis box is especially relevant here, for two reasons. One that Darum’s are supposed to carry each other’s wishes, and two that paradise is exactly what Kaneki was aiming for. A world where Humans and Ghouls could get along is certainly a utopia by the series standards. 

Kaneki is a Daruma, an eyeless doll that was meant to carry Arima’s wishes. Yet, this chapter brutally tells us what the result of that ambition was. To break him, Furuta shows us where Arima’s hope, the hope of the garden children led them.

Yet, when Kaneki never once truly tried to follow Arima’s will, how could he expect a different result. He continued to use the garden children as child soldiers, even knowing that child soldiers could die, and as a result they did.

Ghouls were being slaughtered in the streets and yet Kaneki never once showed up directly to fight for the sake of ghouls. He let the situation get this bad, for the annihilation rate to reach 88% and still acted as if he had a chance at winning. The only thing that moved him to maybe finally directly confront Furuta was the risk of a human life once again. Kaneki only ever showed up to protect CCG officers, he wasted resources to restore Akira a human, he considered risking everything to save Yoriko a human. All while claiming that he was fighting solely for the sake of ghouls. 

Kaneki blatantly and brazenly did not care at all for the masses he was claiming to be protecting, so why should he have been able to protect them at all?

What we are witnessing right now is an eclipse. The moon has moved entirely in front of the sun, and we see the shadows at their longest points. All of the characters involved in this chapter, are born raw to us at their deepest and darkest. 

Suzuya Juuzou was willing to slaughter the entire goat base, and even his good friend Haise for the sake of continuing to prop up a corpse. Even knowing that Shinohara himself might never come back. 

Touka Kirishima sacrifices basically everyone and everything in order to try to make it out safely, only to realize that Hinami, Yomo, Take, all of those sacrifices were in vain. Not only that, but even if she did manage to make it out alive, Kaneki has already been cornered minutes before she even realized her own hopeless situation. 

Miza simply clings to Naki’s dead body, and stays behind even after everybody has left as if that’s the only thing to live for. Naki looks to be truly dead, with perhaps Miza to follow soon after him. 

Take seems to have failed utterly in his last purpose, the last thing Arima entrusted him with. Two out of three of the children in his care have died, perhaps four out of five if we’re going to flashback to the Tanakamaru and Aura fight soon. 

Ui remains nowhere to be seen, Mutsuki is fried, Yomo is lifeless and marching towards his own certain death now. Nobody has achieved what they want. A true darkest point.

Yet.. why does Furuta leave Kaneki alive?

Furuta has only bothered to leave someone alive on purpose once in the past, and it created the greatest threat to his power as the Washuu King.

Furuta is not tactically stupid enough to leave loose ends. After all, the only time he’s ever surprised is when the audience is equally as surprised as him, such as Marude and Matsuri both coming back from the dead to challenge him. In those cases, with Marude’s disappearance, and Matsuri’s having several V squads sent after him he had every logical reason to assume they were dead. Furuta’s usual MO though, has always been to kill all the witnesses present, whether Matsumae, the V members with Eto, and even his attempt on Urie and Kuroiwa.

So why would Furuta suddenly change his strategy now and leave it to Hajime to simply torture and toy with Kaneki until he died. It can look like sadism, but if you remember Donato similiarly toyed with Urie, and yet at the same time both left him alive and gave him the exact same words he needed to grow later on in the story.

It was in despair and loss, what Kaneki has been avoiding from the absolute beginning where Urie finally learned. 

So we have Furuta, our cruel and relentless teacher. There are also several hints left behind in the narrative still that this is not Kaneki’s final moments.

 1) The parallels between the Arima Kishou fight and Kaneki’s moment of realization when absolutely all looked loss [x].

2) The implication that Kaneki could reverse his problem with a massive amount of cannibalism. 

3) The fact that Dragon has yet to make an appearance despite being the so called final boss, and also that Uta suggested Dragon itself could be a weapon against the CCG rather than Goat.

4) Furuta’s suggestion that first he would win, and then dragon would appear. Well, in this chapter we witness Furuta claiming his absolute victory without the appearance of dragon afterwards.

5) The numerous amounts of foreshadowing that Furuta was orchestrating his own death, and actually did not care at all for V and the Washuu’s wars.

(Furuta even makes a promise here that he’ll mess up the one eyed king for Eto. Earlier he suggests in gest that the two of them should work and cooperate together. )

6) The Nagaraaj. If the manga ends here then Ayato’s journey to the 24th ward was incredibly pointless. As well as the explanation about the old one eyed king. Ayato wouldn’t be strong enough to counter Juuzou so was the explanation simply to get him out of the way.

Or was it forehshadowing to establish that if pushed to this point, this is a power that Kaneki himself could summon. That the same way the Original One Eyed King sunk the 24th ward an entire city in order to retreat from the newly formed black investigators and V, that when it seems all hope is lost, Kaneki might summon this power from himself. That this could be dragon, especially since Furuta deliberately says Dragon is named in honor of his Washuu roots. The legendary Nagaraaj are also dragon kings in the japanese version of the myth, according to @randomthoughtpatterns. 

Not only that but the presence of Oggai all around him leave Kaneki with a framed out source of RC Cells to buffet on, if he truly decided to keep fighting. 

7) 143 Parallels

Chapter 143 of Original Tokyo Ghoul, was called Ken [x]. Chapter 62, where Kaneki reached a similiar realization was called Kaneki.  Chapter 143, is completely without a title. In otherwords it’s nameless.

Perhaps then this is the chapter, where finally Kaneki accepts his role. Where he finally decides to truly become the nameless king. 

Only after having learned from the loss he experienced right in front of his eyes, what exactly it was that needed to be changed.