#when he hit me I looked back and saw him literally gripping the wheel losing his mind | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

solarwonux · 4 years

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Sunflower || Seokmin

seokmin x f!reader: soulmate au

w.c: 23.7k (its a long one get some popcorn lol)

warnings: angst, really really slow burn, suggestive themes (no nsfw sorry y’all)

note: I’M SO EXCITED TO FINALLY RELEASE THIS FIC, it has been released before but I rewrote it a little and finally finished it. PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND YES YOU DO NEED TO READ CHERRY FIRST IT WOULD MAKE A LOT MORE SENSE IF YOU DO.

cherry || masterlist

“Get up.” Seungkwan said opening the curtains in your room letting in the obnoxious rays of sunlight. You groaned turning over in your bed pulling the sheets over your head. A failed attempt to block the sunlight out. “I mean it get up.” He jumped on your bed, trapping you underneath him then tried to pry off the sheets from your body. Your iron-like grip holding them in place. You wiggled your body trying to wrestle him off. He scoffed placing his hands on your sides and jabbing them, an annoyed laugh falling out of your lips. He snickered grabbing onto your sheets and pulling them off your body.

“Get up!” He exclaimed letting you go, bringing your sheets along with him. He stood at the foot of your bed, hands on his hips, waiting. You whined, flaying your limbs up in the air, which only made him roll his eyes in annoyance. “It’s too early, let me sleep please.” You grumbled finally sitting up on your bed, crossing your legs and arms in front of you. You blinked rapidly trying to get used to the brightness of your once dark room.

“It’s almost two in the afternoon, I’m not letting you sleep anymore…so get up.” He commanded his hands leaving his hips and pointed an accusatory finger at you. “You’ve been doing this every weekend for the last five months and honestly I’ve had it.” He shook his head in disbelief and threw himself on your bed in despair. You rolled your eyes shoving him with your foot before laying down on your side, eyeing the unpleasant billboard outside your—well Seungkwan’s guest bedroom window. “Even if I get up, what's the point, I have nothing to do.” You sighed moving so you were now on your back, eyeing the ceiling fan as it turned with ferocity above your bed and attempted to count the times it went around in circles. Useless to say the least but helped calm you down.

“I talked to Vernon yesterday; he’s worried about you?” Seungkwan sat up poking your side again. The name that fell out his lips sent jabs of pain up your body and you tried your hardest to blink back the tears that had started to form at the sound of his name. “I’m fine.” You whispered turning over to face your best friend. His eyebrows furrowed as he searched your face carefully for any warning signs. “It’s okay not to be fine you know, it’s okay to admit it too.” He sighed wrapping an arm around your shoulder hugging you tightly.

“How is he?” You mumbled. The question had been lingering at the tip of your tongue since the day the two of you decided to finally part ways. Since the day you moved into Seungkwan’s guest bedroom and since the day Vernon told you about his back-packing trip around South East Asia. That night the two of you cried together on Seungkwan’s overly expensive couch, because your new realities, that didn’t involve one another as lovers, finally started to settle in.

When he walked out the front door, he had promised to come back under one condition. You knew it was eating him inside, but he held his head high and told you to try everything in your power to find the person that was meant to be your forever. He had found his, in fact his was the reason why the two of you were in this mess in the first place. Why the color you had gotten used to seeing for nearly five years had been stripped away from you.

“He’s good, he arrived in Thailand last night and yes he’s taking his vitamins and eating well.” Seungkwan stated he sat up bringing you along with him. “But he keeps asking about you and I’m tired of lying to him, so I’m taking you out today.” He smiled brightly, tugging a strand of hair behind your ear and placing a soft kiss against your forehead. “So, take a shower before I dump a bucket of water on you.”

“Where are you taking me?” You turned down the radio, your voice was hoarse from screaming out the lyrics to Dancing Queen with Seungkwan. A curious smile playing on your lips as you looked out your open window, the wind hitting your face making goosebumps rise onto your skin. Despite still not feeling like you could jump back and be the person you were five years ago or five months ago, you felt at ease.

“It’s a surprise.” Seungkwan stated in a matter of fact tone, finishing it off with a scoff. You rolled your eyes sitting back in your seat. The beginning melody of Toxic sounding through his car speakers made Seungkwan groan in protest. “Last time I let you pick the music.” He pointed out, turning on the turn signals.

“Shut up you love it.” You teased. “Now please tell me where we’re going, we’ve been driving for nearly three hours.” You whined, closing the window and bringing down the car visor. You opened the little mirror and cringed once you saw yourself. Your hair was sticking out in different places, your red lipstick was slightly smudged, and your mascara had started to run. If Vernon was next to you, he would’ve told you that you still looked like the most beautiful girl in the world. You grinned letting out a small sigh and shook your head. The feeling of nostalgia making its way underneath your skin whenever you thought of him. To your surprise you hadn’t bursted into tears yet and maybe that was an indication that you were finally starting to let yourself feel happiness once again.

“It’s been an hour and a half, you’re literally so dramatic.” Seungkwan said in disbelief as he slowed down the car. “Anyway, we’re here, but you have to put on the blindfold before we go anywhere.” He smiled, putting his car in park and shutting it off. He reached over the back seat and brought out a blindfold, cheekily showing it to you.

“Kwanie I know I’ve been a pain these last five months but I’m literally begging you to not kill me today.” You said as you finished up fixing your face as well as your unruly hair before closing the visor and turning to face him. He rolled his eyes shoving the blindfold into your hand. “I can’t stand you sometimes, just put the damn blindfold on.” He whined, tapping his fingers impatiently on his steering wheel. You saluted at him jokingly before putting it on. “Done, lead me to my death.”

“Let’s go drama queen.”

“You’re one to talk.” You mumbled opening his car door. Seungkwan grabbed your hands leading you out of the car, resting his hands on your shoulders. “I promise you’ll love it.” He said the smile prominent in his tone of voice as he started to walk you forward. You jumped putting one of your hands over his in panic, your stomach turning in anticipation. Your mind goes through numerous possibilities of what would be on the other side once you removed your blindfold. A part of you hoping it was Vernon, but you knew that wasn’t an option. He was out, doing something he had desperately wanted to do for years and no matter how much he cared for you. He wasn’t going to put his dreams to halt for you. The two of you had done it for far too long and now it was time to finally live for yourselves. It was something the two of you deserved.

“Alright we’re here.” Seungkwan stated as the two of you stopped walking. Your hands quickly went up to the blindfold and took it off quickly. A gasp falling out of your lips as you stared in awe at the black and white field of sunflowers. The heliotropic flowers swayed slowly in the wind as they reached up high towards the sunlight. Your stomach turning wishing you had never taken your color for granted.

“Kwanie, I-I love it.” You smiled turning to face the boy who was looking at you smugly. You hugged him tightly, burying your face into the crook of his neck finally letting the tears spill out. He nodded wrapping his arms around you tightly, slowly caressing your back as he let you cry. Something he had gotten used to since you had started living with him, and something he would never complain about. The pain you were going through, he could not understand no matter how hard he tried. He had never been in love before, his soulmate mark remained untouched, the words etched on his wrist haunting him for years, slowly making him lose hope. And that’s how he lived for a while until the night when you called him sobbing. The words coming out of your mouth he couldn’t make out, but he heard the pain laced in your voice. His heart broke as he knew what had happened.

Vernon had confided in him for nearly a year. At first, he didn’t agree with the way he was handling things, telling him that you should’ve been his first priority. But the more he thought about it the more he understood why he couldn’t. Vernon’s love for you was indescribable, he would’ve moved mountains and parted the red sea for you if he could. You were his light the reason he kept pushing even though at the end he knew what the outcome would be. The love the two of you had was pure art and Seungkwan could only hope to find something so perfect one day. Which is why he let you cry on him; let you curse out the world as he held you in his arms because even though he hadn’t found the person the universe had set him up with. He knew what it felt like to long for that person.

“We can cut some and take them home. Trust me the apartment needs a little bit of brightness.” He pulled away, his thumbs wiping the stray tears on your cheeks. You nodded turning around, watching the people you had overlooked run around happily. Some were by the little white kiosk that held bundles of sunflowers and strawberries and you assumed that’s where you would go to pay the fee. Others were taking pictures with the daisy like flowers, while others were cutting off the stems carefully to take home, fighting with the bees. The whole sight made you feel warm and at peace and though you had already cried. You felt like crying again only because the happiness that was bubbling up inside of you was overwhelming.

“Let’s go then and since you brought me here you will pay for them right.” You pouted batting your eyelashes up at him.

“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t”

“The worst honestly.” You grabbed his hand leading him to the middle of the field. The skyrocketing flowers make you feel small as if you were an ant in the middle of a field of grass. “I wish I can see them in their truest form” You sighed taking one of the leaves in between your index finger and thumb. “But I can only remember what they would look like.” You nodded smiling sadly earning a flick on the forehead from Seungkwan. “Ow…what the hell Kwanie.”

“Stop getting all sad on me and smile please.” He said, bringing a pair of kitchen scissors from his back pocket. You cocked an eyebrow in curiosity, and you were about to ask him where the hell he had gotten them, until you noticed the miniscule flashes of color by his shoulder. You blinked rapidly, before rubbing your eyes forcefully not caring that you had smudged your mascara.

Seungkwan leaned up grabbing onto the flower stem, placing it in between the scissor blades and cutting it. A satisfied hum escaping his lungs, nodding in approval while he turned to you and brag. His smile fell once he noticed the look of distresses embedded onto your face. “What’s wrong, what happened?” He said dropping the flower along with the scissors and placing both hands on top of your shoulders. He shook you, your eyes turning wide while you looked around. The water pooling in your tear ducts and he tried to desperately grab your attention.

The broken flashes of yellow, coming in and out at a faster than before. Faster than the morning you had met Vernon. Your heart was at your throat and you pushed Seungkwan’s hands off your shoulders, ignoring his worried statements and pushed past him. You kept walking, your hands shaking at your sides as the flashes of color became more intense. Seungkwan followed you, taking long strides to keep up with you. “What’s happening…did something happen?” He asked his voice sounding with concern and once again you ignored him again, trying to find the reason why you were suddenly seeing color again. A part of you wondered if this was how Vernon had felt that night. If he felt lightheaded. If his body grew weak while his heart broke slowly into thousands of pieces while the flashes of color came in and out.

“Seokmin where are you going…what’s going on?” You heard a voice shout, your footsteps coming to a stop once your eyes found the ones of the person in front of you. The same look of distress you had on your face adorning his. You let out a sob seeing as the color poured in at a faster rate than before. The part of you that still loved Vernon breaking away slowly while you felt your heart start to beat out of time. Just like it had done that first time you met Vernon and you were introduced to a world of color. Seungkwan came up beside you, out of breath, his hand grabbing onto your arm, confusion written all over his features as he looked between you and the man standing a few feet away from the two of you.

“Min, you’re scaring me.” His friend said, waving a hand in front of his face. He didn’t budge, instead his eyes only got wider, and he took it upon himself to take a wary step forward. “D-Do you see i-it too?”

You nodded pushing the hand Seungkwan was using to hold you back off. “W-What’s your name?” You took a step forward, your body feeling as if it were on fire. Something you had never once experienced before.

“Seokmin, I-I thought I would never find you.” He confessed stopping until only a foot separated the two of you. His hands inside his jacket pockets itching to reach out to you. To embrace you, wipe away your tears, and tell you how beautiful you looked despite the mascara tracks staining your cheeks.

He never imagined that this day would come. Sure, he had fantasized about it since the day he learned what soulmate’s where. He had practiced numerous conversations inside his head, to be prepared. But he never once believed that he would be able to find, certainly not in a field of sunflowers on the hottest day of the year. And certainly not with you standing in front of him crying as if your heart was breaking instead of mending.

“C-Can I give you a hug?” You spoke rubbing the back of your hand against your cold cheek, a sob catching itself at the back of your throat. He nodded quickly, taking his hands out of his pockets and shaking them at his side. The two of you stared at each other in silence, eyes running all over the place. Your bodies daring to finally cross the line. In the end, despite your heart feeling as if it were to fall out of your ass. You crossed it, wrapping your delicate arms around his torso, the sob you had been holding in finally breaking out of its confinements.

Seokmin held you as if his life depended on it. His mind searching through the files of practice conversations he had over the years, trying to come up with something, anything to say to you right now.

With caution he started to run his hands down your back, trying to offer you comfort. His gaze landing on the man that had been chasing after you. To Seokmin his features were unreadable, but the tears that had started to fall out of his eyes spoke volumes and it scared him. He could only hope he wasn’t your significant other because the last thing Seokmin wanted to do was make you choose. If your heart didn’t belong to him then he’d live with the consequences because despite not knowing your name yet, he knew you deserved more than what the world had to offer.

“I-I’m sorry.” You pulled away; the residue of your mascara combined with your tears on his pale-yellow t-shirt. Your bottom lip trembles as the memories of your first meeting with Vernon came flooding back. “Everything is so fucked…I’m sorry you had to meet me like this.”

“Don’t be sorry, just because we met doesn’t mean we have to be together right away.” He nodded the soft pad of his thumbs lying against your soft cheeks. He studied your face closely, taking in everything as fast as he could. Afraid you would be taken away from him forever. He could tell something was bothering especially when you refused to look him in the eye. Only catching the subtle hint of sadness hiding behind your sparkling eyes. There was something you had to deal with, one that didn’t involve him, and he knew he had to put himself aside and you first.

“I’ve waited my whole life for you…I can wait a little longer.”

“Text him please.” Seungkwan pleaded falling on to your bed cuddled with your pillow. You stopped your typing and took off your glasses before looking down at him. His puppy dog eyes cause you to roll your eyes.

“I will once I’m done applying for this job.” You smiled sending him a playful wink. “No now, you always come up with an excuse to shut me up but this time it won’t work.” He sat up and hit you across your face lightly with your pillow, blocking your view. You whined feeling the weight of your laptop disappear from your lap and you knew this was a fight you weren’t going to win.

“Why does it matter, it’s not like I’ve been ignoring him, I respond to his good night and good morning texts every day.” You sat up and reached over to grab your laptop in which he was holding close and tightly to his chest. “Wow girlfriend of the year.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes, turning his body from your grabby hands.

“We’re not dating…please give me my laptop back.” You pulled at his arms as they got tighter around your precious device. You cursed falling back on your bed when you realized your attempts were going to be deemed as unsuccessful.

You slammed your hands down on your bed in frustration. Seungkwan sighed and set down your laptop on your bedside table before laying down next to you. He poked your cheek, grabbing your attention, your pouty gaze making his heart sink. “I’m scared, what if the same thing that happened with Vernon happens again.” You confessed hitting your palm against your forehead, silently punishing yourself for your stupidity.

“We don’t get anywhere in life letting our fear get in the way of things.” He grabbed your hand and placed it on his chest. “And you can’t keep comparing this potential relationship with the one you and Vernon had because you’ve been given a chance to start over and fall without a care in the world.” He said playing with your fingers gently. “So, ask him out, I know he’s been dying to see you again.”

“How do you know?” You scoffed pulling your hand from his and resting it on top of your stomach. You looked up at the ceiling, counting the small indents that appeared over years of overuse. Your mind racing back to the events that occurred at the middle of the sunflower field as well as what happened after. Which was nothing, you had told Seokmin that you needed time before jumping face first into a brand-new relationship. He had agreed, told you he’d wait for you a whole lifetime again if that’s what you needed, and it broke your heart. You could tell he was a little disappointed. It was written all over his face, despite the smile that adorned it and you couldn’t imagine how he was feeling now, especially with your lack of communication.

“Soonyoung told me.” Seungkwan flicked your forehead bringing out of your daze making you glare at him in the process. You were thankful for him and everything he had done for you throughout your devastating break up with Vernon but sometimes you wished he wouldn’t worry so much. “Wait…when did you get his number?” You sat up leaning your body over and poking his side. He convulsed pushing your hands away before sitting up and crossing his legs under him. “That day at the field while Seokmin paid for your flowers.” He pointed behind you to the vase that held your withered sunflowers. “Also, when are you going to get rid of them, they’re looking a little dead.”

You rolled your eyes and shoved him as hard as you could. He was right, the flowers had been dead for almost two months, but every time you looked at them, they reminded you of Seokmin and that thought alone made you happy. “Never, I’m going to be buried with them. Now get out of my room I need to finish applying for this job.” He nodded reaching over for your laptop and handed it to you before getting off from your bed.

“Fine, but please text him, Soonyoung and I made a bet and so far, he’s winning, and I really really don’t want to give him a cent.” He laughed walking out of your room, holding onto the door handle tightly.

“Seungkwan my love life is not a game.” You shouted, throwing your pillow at him. His eyes grew wide in panic and he ran out of your room, closing your door quickly. Causing your pillow to hit the door and fall to the floor. You shook your head and laid back on your bed, your laptop and job application long forgotten as you eyed your charging phone. Your hands itched to reach out and grab it and finally send the text you had written countless times, but never sent because of fear.

“Fuck it.” You reached over and pulled it off the charging cable, unlocking it and opening your message app. Seokmin’s good morning text sat unread at the top of the list. Your heart palpitated as you typed the message you had memorized and counted to ten before hitting send. You panicked throwing your phone across your bed and getting off it, the sweat forming on your hands as they shook. You ran out of your room, down the hallway and into the kitchen, your eyes landing on a smug looking Seungkwan as he turned a wine glass in his hand.

“I sent it.”

“Finally, I’m about to be fifty dollars richer.”

“How do I look?” You walked into the living for the umpteenth time that afternoon, this time you were adorning a sky-blue summer dress and white vans. “Every time you’ve asked me that I’ve told you the same thing, you look great now finish getting ready he’s going to be here in literally ten minutes.”

“I know but each outfit doesn’t feel right.” You threw your hands up and sat on the lounge chair putting your feet on top of the coffee table earning a look of disapproval from Seungkwan. “What if I wear the wrong outfit and the same thing as last time happens.” You pushed your hair back, lightly tugging at your roots.

“Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I’m the dramatic one in this friendship.” He leaned over and pushed your feet off the coffee table making you pout. “A bad outfit isn’t going to trigger what happened with Vernon, so calm down and touch up your make or hair. Whatever you need to do because now you have a solid five minutes before he gets here.” Seungkwan stood up from his seat and pulled you up from the lounge chair.

“See, I knew my outfit was bad. Now I have to go change again.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes while he pushed you back into your room. “It was a hypothetical, you look beautiful, but what does look bad is your hair so fix it because time is ticking and neither of us are getting any younger.” He guided you to your mirror waving his hands around your disheveled hair, scolding at yourself for having the terrible habit of pulling on it whenever you were anxious or frustrated.

“Fine, but can you keep on the lookout.” You spoke your eyes growing wide, the feeling of panic rushing through your veins when the doorbell sounded. “Looks like I don’t need to.” Seungkwan grabbed your brush and handed it to you before exiting your room, closing the door behind him. “Don’t change or I’ll come in here and drag you out in whatever terrible outfit you have on.” He scolded the sound of his feet getting softer as he neared the front of the apartment.

You sighed putting down your brush and smoothed out your hair as much as you could before tying in back in a loose half up and half down style. You slowly counted to ten putting on your earrings and the rings you could find on top of your messy dresser. You gave yourself one last look, whispering words of encouragement and walked out. Seungkwan and Seokmin’s animated voices getting louder as you got closer to the living room.

“Tell Hoshi I’m expecting his payment by tonight.” Seungkwan jokes. Seokmin threw his head back in laughter, making you roll your eyes.

“Sorry for keeping you waiting.” You cleared your throat, putting your cross-body bag on and gripping the leather strap tightly to keep your hands from shaking. Seokmin’s laughter died down as he turned to face you, a blush appearing on his cheeks as he took in your appearance. “It’s okay I didn’t wait long.” He shook his head smiling, he extended his free hand to you before quickly exchanging it with the one that held the flowers. “These are for you. I wasn’t sure if I should get you the daisies, the roses, or the lilies so I got you all three.” His nervous eyes left yours and looked around looking for another point of focus.

“I love them, thank you so much.” You took them from him, holding them close, a color of array of emotions bursting inside of you making you feel as if you were being reborn.

“Alright, you two get out of here, go have fun.” Seungkwan broke the silence taking your flowers from you. He gave you a pointed look as he shuffled the two of you out. “Have her home by midnight.” He opened the front door signaling the two of you out. “Will do, it was nice seeing you again Seungkwan.” Seokmin walked out leaving you behind to follow him through the compressed doorway.

“I’m terribly sorry about him.” You sent Seungkwan a glare, his tongue poking out at you in a teasing manner before shutting the door.

“He should meet the rest of my friends. I think they’d get along very well.”

Seokmin and you walked in silence, your hands brushing against one another daring to feel each other’s warmth. The sweet melodies of the night life filling in the pockets of the comfortable silence that was lingering in the air around you. A few sorry’s and excuse me’s were exchanged by oblivious passer-byes making the two of you exchange inconspicuous stares. Smiles etching from side to side, cheeks flushing dark crimson. Your hearts matching time unbeknownst to the outside world.

You tried to come up with anything to say though you ended up falling short. Even though the silence that was between the two of you was loud, blaring in forms of sirens. It wasn’t enough to overwhelm you, and for that you were thankful.

“We’re here.” Seokmin finally broke the silence, his shoulders settling to a calm composure. He grabbed the door handle and opened it, stepping aside giving you room to walk in.

The second you did you were hit with a colorful aroma of different tea blends, sweets and spices. The quirky designs and phrases decorating the different walls jumped out at you. And the calm soothing vibe warmed up your insides, calming your nerves.

Seokmin came up behind you finally crossing the line the two of you had unknowingly laid out. “I hope you don’t mind this is my favorite boba shop, I know it’s not ideal, but I was really drawing a blank when you texted me earlier.” Seokmin placed a hand on your shoulder, making your breath hitch as he stood behind you patiently waiting to be attended.

“It’s okay, I love it, plus we have other chances to go on more extravagant dates.” You exaggerated, giving him a warm smile. Seokmin swore he had been lifted up into heaven and dropped once he saw the light on your face.

“I’d love nothing more.” He gave your shoulder a squeeze before wrapping it around your front, gently pulling you close. “T-This okay?” He asked, his voice wavering at the end giving you the indication that he too was unfamiliar with this new ocean the two of you had plunged yourselves into. “Yes, this is perfect.” You answered a little too excited.

“Great, what do you want then?” Seokmin pointed to the menu behind the front counter. You looked up skimming through the various flavors and options silently before turning your head to face him. “Why don’t you choose me?”

“Are you sure, you’re putting a lot of trust in me. This decision could either make or break us.” He joked moving with you as the person in front stepped up to order. You smiled, shaking your head, bringing up a hand and intertwining it with the one Seokmin had around you.

“I guess you better choose wisely then.”

In the end Seokmin ended up ordering four different flavors of boba tea. All this favorite.

The cashier had given the two of you strange looks, probably wondering why the hell two people needed four drinks and it only made you laugh even harder. Seokmin had given you a pointed look before breaking into a smile, that you swore could light up every room. It made your heart skip a beat, fill you up with happiness that you hadn’t felt ever since that day at the park with Vernon. Making you realize that that was the last time you had felt that type of happiness.

“So why four?”

“I just ordered all my favorites, just in case my favorite favorite wasn’t your favorite.” Seokmin placed two of the drinks down onto the table, the two of you indiscreetly walked too. He waited for you to take your seat before taking his, at his respectful side of the tiny booth.

“So, which one is your favorite favorite?” You leaned your elbows forward toying with the plastic wrap of one of the straws.

“The mango green tea one.” He nodded pushing the drink in question towards you. You snickered, breaking the plastic wrap, lifting your hand to break the lid, stopping short when you noticed Seokmin’s hand covering the lid. “Before you try it, promise me this won’t be our first and last date.” He whispered his eyes all but pleading making your heart sink.

Sighing you brought your hand down, setting the straw aside. You put your hands over his, lifting it up to your lips, giving them a gentle kiss. You couldn’t blame him for asking. You had ignored him for almost three months, only answering his good morning and good night texts. He had every right to doubt you and your word. Without his knowledge you were putting back the pieces that were left behind after five years of living in a perfect illusion. Vernon still lived in the back of your mind, sometimes his memories still made your heart flutter and the what if’s still kept you up at night.

It was a conversation you needed to have with Seokmin, he didn’t deserve to be lied to or kept in the dark, especially because your heart wasn’t all that there yet. And because his was still innocent and pure, but for tonight you would bask in your dream world. Make promises you weren’t sure you could keep yet, because a part of you was starting to desperately cling onto him.

“Seokmin I promise.”

There was a first time for everything.

And for the first time in your life you had laughed so hard to the point you had milk tea coming out of your nose.

“Sorry.” Seokmin’s demeanor fell, stopping his over dramatic retelling of how he and his friends came to own a pottery studio. He panicked, a troubled expression replacing his soft gaze, scrambling to get a napkin out of the holder. You tried to regain your breathing as he handed you a handful of napkins, but your imagination took over and you doubled over in laughter, your forehead coming down onto the table. The images of Seokmin and his friends dressed as cats, dancing and singing along to the musical soundtrack in order to convince the previous owner to hand over the studio with the first six months of rent paid. Replaying in your mind like a movie reel.

“D-Don’t be t-that’s the funniest thing someone’s ever told me, and I’ve known Seungkwan for half of my adult life.” You panted and placed your hand on your chest, your stomach throbbing in blissful pain. Seokmin smiled, his cheeks blushing red. He reached over cradling your cheek gently, wiping your nose. The situation finally became clear and you flushed in embarrassment.

“You’re cute.” He whispered, his face lighting up before he gave your cheek an awkward kiss from across the table. “I think I’ve embarrassed myself here today more than I have my entire life.” You let out a small laugh, your hand coming up to your forehead and hitting it lightly with the palm of your hand.

“Like I said, you’re cute.” Seokmin removed your hand, locking his fingers with yours before sitting back in his seat. “Can I come sit over there?” You toyed with the straw of your drink, signaling to the empty space next to him with your head. Seokmin nodded, tugging on your hand lightly signaling that his impatience was close to take over. You removed your hand from his hold and stood up. He eyed you carefully as you smoothed out your dress, the light blue hue brought out the beauty of your smooth skin. It complimented the sparkle that lived behind your eyes making them look as if they held the entire universe behind them.

For the first time in his entire life, Seokmin finally understood the hype around the color blue.

He wrapped an arm around your shoulder after you sat down. You put your head on his shoulder, blushing when you felt his body stiffen. “Will you take me to the studio one day?” Your index finger coming up to play with the water ring your drinks had left behind on the table.

“If you do me a favor.” He swallowed trying his best to get his body to relax, but it felt as if it were on fire and no amount of water would be able to put it out. “I’m not dressing up as a cat and dancing for you, if that’s what you want.” You looked up as he started to cough, his eyes wide as he choked on air due to your statement. His mind wandered to places it shouldn’t ever wander and he wanted to slap himself mentally as well as physically. You sat up and patted his back, a knowing smile forming on your face and made a mental note to add what you had said to the list of embarrassing things that had happened today.

“N-No nothing like that, t-that wasn’t what I meant.”

“I know I was just messing with you.” You poked his nose and it only made him blush even harder, and it made your ego swell knowing you had such an effect on him. “What is it?”

“Please stop calling me Seokmin, it makes me feel like I’m in trouble with my mom.” He chuckled awkwardly, bringing up a hand to the back of his neck and rubbed it awkwardly. “What do I call you then?” You cocked your head to the side, bringing a hand up to smooth the collar of his button down shirt. It had been bothering you the entire night, but you didn’t have it in you to fix it. Afraid you were crossing a boundary either of you were ready to cross. But seeing as how the events were playing out you assumed it was alright.

“Call me DK.”

“Like the video game character?” Another fit of laughter threatening to break through the surface. Seokmin sighed, shaking his head in disbelief before pulling you close to his body. “Could be, but it’s short for Dokyeom.” He grabbed your hand from his chest and hooked his pinky with yours, swinging them in front of your bodies. You acknowledged, taking in your bottom lip in between your teeth. The butterflies that had been growing throughout the night in the pit of your stomach were having a field day. It was scary, you had only known him for almost three hours, and you were reading to risk it all once again.

“How about I call you baby instead?”

“Say it one more time?” Seokmin had you pressed against the outside wall of your apartment. Your hold on the doorknob faltered as you felt his lips hover over your own. “Baby,” You whispered, finally letting go of the doorknob and wrapping your arm around his neck.

“That’s my new favorite song.” He stated pressing your body closer to his, lifting you away from the wall. “Is that so…baby.” Seokmin groaned hiding his face in the crook of your neck. A tiny laugh falling out of your lips. You wrapped your hands around him, running your hands down his back gently.

“Please let me kiss you.”

Seokmin pleaded, lifting his head up to face you. A teasing smirk settling on your lips as you took the disparity behind his beautiful eyes. “Nope, you haven’t earned that privilege yet.” You pushed him away gently, stepping aside and finally entering the passcode to your front door.

“Ask me to be your girlfriend first.” You turned the doorknob, his arms snaking around your waist, his breath tickling the shell of your ear, the adrenaline you had felt throughout the night intimidating a breakthrough.

“Will you be my gir—.” You turned around quickly covering his mouth with your hand, the panic evident behind his glimmering eyes. “Not here, not now Seokmin.” You brought your hand down and he pulled away, taking his arms with him. “You’re right I’m sorry.” He hit his forehead gently with a closed fist, mumbling indiscreetly underneath his breath. For a second you thought you had ruined everything.

“I-I want you to be sure first, I don’t want to rush into anything.” You said as reassuringly as possible, the tiny fear demon in your mind finally coming out to play as it filled you with your doubts “I know, I’m sorry…sometimes I get too carried away, but I meant what I said the first time I met you.” He stuffed his hands inside his pockets, shrugging awkwardly. “I just hope that one day you can tell me what’s holding you back.”

“Seokmin it’s just that I—.”

“You don’t have to tell me today, but I promise I’ll listen to you when you’re ready.” He nodded closing the gap you had created and gave your forehead a gentle kiss. “Goodnight, sleep tight…baby.” He winked before stepping back and walking out of your line of sight leaving you breathless and overwhelmed, to the point where all you wanted to do was cry, because to say the least you were still scared and confused.

You let out a sigh and turned around punching in the passcode, impatiently waiting for the door to click open. You angrily shuffled inside your apartment, closing the door behind you. You placed your forehead against it, toeing off your shoes and pushing them aside. You took a deep breath and counted to ten before facing Seungkwan who was without a doubt going to be waiting for you to hear all about how your date went. You plastered on your best fake smile, going over points Seungkwan was sure to ask in your head and turned around, expecting to see him on the couch dramatically twirling a glass of Rosé in his hand.

And you wished that’s what you were met with, but like always the universe had its way of working and for a while it had been working against you. So of course, you were met with Seungkwan, a forgotten bottle of Rosé on the coffee table as he held onto Vernon while he sobbed into his arms.

“W-What’s wrong?”

The minute you laid eyes on Vernon you felt like your whole world collapsed into tiny shards of glass at your feet. You couldn’t breathe. It was as if your lungs were being crushed by two weights of pressure. You stood there in the middle of the living room, your words getting caught at the back of your throat, while Seungkwan ushered a sobbing Vernon out into the balcony of the small apartment. Leaving you behind to deal with your own curses. Seungkwan gave you one last sympathetic look almost as if he were telling you that he had everything under control. Yet, it didn’t help ease your newfound anxiousness as all you wanted to do was run outside and push Seungkwan away to comfort the boy you once loved. The same one a part of your soul still loved and held onto for dear life in fear that one day you would wake up and forget what it was like to ever be loved by him.

It was overwhelming. The feeling bubbled up inside of you as you retreated from the living room and made your way into your own room, looking for an escape. You were met with your four walls and memories that were buried deep into the archives of your mind started to play. Reminding you just how much you truly longed for Vernon. Reminding you just how much craved for his touch.

It was cruel. The tricks your mind was playing on you and for a moment you let it consume you. Deciding that this was it for you and you had a good but unfortunate run but it was too much for your poor body to handle.

Like that the seconds passed and then came the minutes and eventually four hours had gone by with you having no recollection of what you had done. How you changed out of your blue dress or when you had replied to Seokmin’s text with a simple: I’m fine, miss you already. Another lie you could add onto your belt. Your self hatred growing as time slowed down everything around you making it seem as if you were underwater.

Maybe one day you’ll finally be strong enough to face him and tell him the truth. Open your chest up to him and let him in on your soul crushing secret because he deserved to know the truth. But that time wasn’t now, at least not while you sat against the door frame of your bedroom door. Looking out into a dark lonely hallway hoping that the next person to come through wasn’t the one you wanted to hold.

You wanted to scream out into the void. Scream at the universe for being so cruel. Scream at Seokmin for finding you when you were still hurting. And you wanted to scream at Vernon for showing up in such a state that made you want to drop everything and give him the entire world again. But whenever you opened your mouth nothing but silence came out. Leaving you behind to deal with feelings you didn’t fully understand.

“He wants to see you.” Seungkwan’s voice brought you back down to Earth. You looked up, running your hands over your tear stained face, meeting his pained expression. Another thing you could add to the list of things you hated about yourself.

Seungkwan didn’t deserve to be caught in between two broken people and act as their mediator. He deserved a life where he wasn’t constantly picking up the pieces and breaking his neck to offer comfort to two selfish people that clearly did not deserve it. Every night you found yourself hoping he’d finally realized this. You hoped he’d leave you behind and continue the life he had put on pause for you and Vernon. You hoped he could find better friends that finally saw him as someone more than just a shoulder to cry. Your wishes falling onto deaf ears because he was still here wiping away your tears.

“He wants to talk to you.” He crouched down in front of you and gently flicked your forehead. “I don’t want to see him.” You whispered resting your cheek against your knees as you avoided his eyes and looked out into the dark hallway again. “I’m scared.” A tiny sob fell out of his lips as he sighed, taking a seat in front of you.

“Not as scared as he is right now.” Seungkwan placed a hand on top of your head and smoothed out the frizziness that had occurred over your neglect. “I helped him as much as I could now I’m passing the torch down on to you because I think you can offer him a lot more than what I can.”

“I can’t...a broken person can’t help another broken person. We tried it before and it ended in a mess.”

“Then don’t try to help him and just listen to him.”

“What if I say or do something wrong and I just make everything worse?.” You lifted up your head and met Seungkwan’s frustrated gaze. He ran his soft hands over your cheeks wiping away the tears that had silently started to decorate your face again. He placed a soft comforting kiss against your forehead before standing up and offered you his hands.

“I doubt you can make him feel even worse than he already does.”

You held the beer cans Seungkwan had laughably shoved in your arms close to your chest. Your eyes stung from the salty tears that had been pouring out. It frustrated you because it seemed like the only thing you could do nowadays was cry. It made you feel weak and worthless.

There was a little voice in the back of your head that was scolding you. Telling you to suck it up because whatever was going on with Vernon had nothing to do with you or the beautiful tragic past the two of you shared. You had realized this hours ago, yet you still cried as if you were the one at fault or the one feeling his pain with him.

That was something the universe didn’t take into account when she had rudely decided to split the two of you up. No matter what happened or where the two of you ended up in life you’d always be connected by a single string. Your life lines belonged to one another, the pain he felt you felt it to.

Maybe that was the aftermath of this whole soulmate fiasco or maybe it was something you made up to give yourself comfort. But at least he didn’t have to endure it all alone.

You took a deep breath before sliding open the balcony door. The humidity of the summer air hitting you square in the face causing the feeling of suffocation to return. Yet somehow it still sent shivers up your spin as if it were winter. A side effect of being in the presence of your past lover.

His back was turned to you and you would’ve thought he hadn’t noticed you if it weren’t for the awkward shift of his legs and the tension in the air. He looked down at the nightlife that had started to crowd the streets for their daily rituals. A soft hot breeze blew dancing with a few strands of his hair, while the annoying billboard that covered the sky view from your bedroom window casted a faint spotlight on him.

“You wanted to see me?” You cleared your throat and closed the balcony door behind you. Vernon turned around, his swollen eyes and tear stained face matched yours. “Can I give you a hug?” He choked out, his lips trembling slightly. You nodded and placed the beer cans down onto the small patio table before closing the gap between the two of you. A broken sob fell out of his lips when your arms finally found their way around his frame. You held him tightly, breathing in his familiar scent, feeling the goosebumps rise along your arms as you rubbed soothing circles down his back. Your own eyes brimming with tears as you felt him shake in your arms and it broke you.

“What happened?” You broke the silence with the question that had been lingering in your mind for hours. Vernon raised his head and you reached over to gently wipe away his tears with the sleeves of your hoodie. He pulled away from you once you retreated your hands and walked over to the balcony railing, turning his back to you. You were left standing there unsure if you should follow him or keep your feet planted in the spot a few feet away from him.

“I think the world has a personal vendetta against me.” He shrugged, breaking the suffocating silence. You grabbed the beer cans and walked over and stood next to him. “That’s a pretty big claim don’t you think?” You handed him a can. His fingertips slightly brushing over yours, sending a jolt of sparkling shivers up your spine.

“The person I saw myself growing old with turned out to not be the person the universe had picked out for me and the person the universe did pick out for me died last night. I’d say it’s the right claim to make.” He laughed bitterly opening the beer can and taking a generous drink from it.

“L-Last night, Vernon you’re not shitting me are you? I just had lunch with them yesterday.” You shook your head bringing a hand up to your face and slapping your cheeks gently. Your head didn’t want to settle down and your heart was starting to speed up. It was impossible you had seen them not even twenty four hours ago. You had laughed over a funny video on their phone and bonded over a book two of you had been consequently reading.

“You two were friends?” Vernon exclaimed his voice containing hints of underlying shock and confusion. “I guess we were.” You shrugged and opened up your beer can. “I didn’t mean to befriend them at first. I reached out to them after you left cause I knew you were in contact with them and since Kwanie wasn’t telling me anything about you at first. I thought that if I got close to them, they would eventually bring you up and I’d finally know how you were.” You finished bringing the can up to your lips and took a few sips. The bitter taste hitting your tongue making you groan in annoyance.

“Did I come up?” He glanced over at you, a sneaky smirk forming on his lips at your confusion. “Only when they found a way to insert an apology over the events of that night. Even after all the times I had told them that it was fine. That I was fine.”

“Are you fine?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” You grinned, bumping your hips with his making him stumble. “Everyone already has. I wanted to spice things up for once.” He smiled up at the night sky. You watched making it obvious that you were. The stars sparkled behind his tired eyes reminding you of all the wishes you had made whenever you looked into them. Some of them came true others didn’t and it had torn you apart until one day it didn’t.

“I don’t matter right now Vernon.” You took a sip from your beer cringing at the taste once again. You had to remind yourself that you weren’t drinking for the pleasure, but for the strength you needed to be next to him right now.

Vernon blew out a raspberry and took the last sip of his beer before turning to face you. He grabbed your hand and brought it up to his lips kissing each of your knuckles before placing it on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch basking in the feeling of having you next to him again. You took a deep breath as the hand holding his beer can circled around your waist and brought you close. He opened his eyes once he felt your chest against his, soft eyes running over your features carefully taking in everything that had stayed the same but had also subtly changed. Vernon freed your hand letting his fingers run up your arm until they reached your chin.

His touch ignited your insides. The world falling away over the horizon leaving two broken souls behind reveling in each other's warmth once again.

“You will always matter to me.”

You tried everything to keep the tension between the two of you at bay. To keep your focus on his words rather than the way his lips moved as he explained his soulmate’s unfortunate death.

It had been a hit and run and it filled you up with anger. Anger that you had never once had the privilege of experiencing until the words escaped Vernon’s mouth. “I just feel guilty. I never gave them a chance. I ran away when I realized things wouldn’t go back to normal and now I’m sure I’m being punished for it.” Vernon sighed and brought his fourth beer up to his lips, taking a decent sip from it before gazing over at you. His eyes shined as if they held a thousand tiny little universes and you found it difficult to look away.

The space between the two of you disappeared and you found yourselves shifting closer to one another as if pulled by two magnets. Your legs were resting on top of his thighs and his warm hand wrapped around your calves, rubbing soothing circles against your skin. The light of the billboard casted a warm glow onto the two of you making the setting a little more intimate than intended. But neither of you found yourselves complaining.

“Vernon, don’t say that...they understood our situation and they wanted to wait until you were ready.” You reached over and pushed a fallen strand of his hair back, your heart beating out time and you felt as if the entire world had stopped. It was a known fact that you two were reaching into uncharted territory but neither of you wanted to hit the brakes just yet. Maybe it was the unfinished business between the two of you or the lingering feelings that would always remain. But you had decided to blame it on your vulnerability, the stupid billboard light and the beers shared between the two of you.

Whatever it was, you didn’t want it to stop.

“I think I really could’ve loved them.” Vernon let out a sigh and sat back, his hand squeezing your calf. “Maybe not in the way I loved you, but in a way that could’ve been special between the two of us. I talked to them almost every day and each time I found my heart jumping out of my chest. It was as if I was a kid in high school again scared to comfort their crush.” He sighed and looked up at the sky, silently counting the tiny little dots of light that could’ve been stars or planets from universes across.

You watched him carefully, finally taking in how much he had changed from the last time you saw him. He had grown out a little bit of stubble, slight bags stood underneath his eyes and his cheeks were red from the sun. A clear indication that he had not once thought of putting on sunscreen and you wondered if he did it to hear your voice nagging him in the back of his mind. Or if he finally felt free to do whatever he wanted. Either way he was different, not just physically but there was something about him you couldn’t pinpoint. And it frustrated you because before you would have been able to read him as if he were your favorite book. Now you had lost a few pages along the way and you didn’t know where to turn too anymore.

“So what happens now?” You whispered tilting your head to the side, the droplets of your forgotten beer running down your fingers. He sighed and looked over at you before reaching over and massaging the creases between your brows. He always scolded you about it, told you your face was a piece of art and didn’t need any extra tension. And although you had never believed him before and brushed it off as a joke, the way he was looking at you as if you were his entire world made you believe him.

“Your guess is as good as mine. I can still see the world in all its glory, the colors haven’t faded and I don’t think they will.” He brought his hand down your face and cradled your cheek gently. “I think they were it for me. I just wish we had more time.” He nodded before running his index finger across your cheek and down the bridge of your nose stopping just above your cupid’s bow. “But can I tell you a secret.” His eyes filled with hope as the words spilled out of his mouth.

“As long as you don’t make me keep it.”

“You will always be my favorite color.”

It was wrong.

The way Vernon’s lips danced against the skin of your neck as he pushed you up against your bedroom door, was wrong. He wasn’t yours anymore and you weren’t his but you felt the flame burn deep inside you. One that had gone out long before the universe took the man in front of you away. You were feeling it again and letting it consume your entire being. You didn’t want it to stop.

“We have to be quiet.” You moaned out, fingers playing with the hem of your old graphic tee that you were sure had belonged to him. From what you could remember it had smelled like him once and somewhere along the creases he had left his mark.

“Seems a bit challenging for you.” He teased and pulled away, his lips leaving your skin making you feel empty. He smirked and circled his arms around your waist letting them travel down your back and landing on your ass before giving it a squeeze making you yelp in surprise. He chuckled and pulled you close, “Thought you said we needed to be quiet?” He quirked an eyebrow before leaning down letting his lips hover above yours.

“F-Fuck...just kiss me already.” You whimpered and wrapped your arms around his neck and brought his head closer, but he restrained from closing the gap and you let out a desperate whine. “I miss you angel, I miss you so much I don’t think I can hold myself back anymore.” He confessed his words making their way into your heart and locking themselves in. The little voice in the back of your head yelling at you to stop but you pushed it aside, desperate to feel his warmth again.

“Then don’t”

Vernon’s lips crashed onto yours barely letting the words leave your mouth. You could taste the bitter alcohol on his breath, a reminder that neither of you where in the right mind to be doing this. Yet the fire between the two of you grew. You found yourself ignored the flaring alarms going off in your head again as you kissed him back with the same hunger he was kissing you.

He tapped the side of your hip and mumbled an almost incoherent jump and you obeyed, wrapping your legs around his waist while he held you as close as he could. He pushed the two of you away from the door, his lips desperately dancing against yours. The crude sounds the two of you were making bounced off your bedroom walls and you were sure the two of you were being anything but quiet.

Vernon pulled away and carried you over to your desk removing everything he could before setting you down on top of you. You pushed yourself against him letting the back of your hand brush against the collar of his shirt. He smirked and gave it a tiny peck before finally bringing your shirt over your head and throwing it somewhere behind him.

“Still as beautiful as I remember.” He hummed your face heated up as he attacked your neck again. This time making sure he was leaving his mark on you one last time. You threw your head back moaning his name lost in the pleasure he was giving you when your peripherals caught sight of something that made your heart stop.

The faded yellow of the withered sunflower’s Seokmin had given you were now staring at you in disapproval. You felt your breathing regain speed and it wasn’t because of the way Vernon’s lips traveled down the navel of your breasts. No, it was because reality finally decided to hit you and you were once again planted back down onto Earth.

“Vernon stop.” You choked out. The flame inside of you dying and quickly replacing itself with the poison fear brought with it. Vernon stopped his movements and pulled away as fast as he could. You saw the concern wash over his soft features as his eyes ran all over your face. “What happened, did I do something wrong?” His words raced out of his lungs at the speed of light and he cradled your face in his hands. The tears soon started up again as Seokmin’s laugh rang in your ears. His broken face staring back at you when you had denied him earlier that evening made you feel as if you were the worst human being on planet Earth.

“W-We can’t do this Vernon.” You shook your head trying to avoid his gaze and placed a hand against his chest before pushing him away. Vernon sighed, letting his eyes land on your flower face and somehow he had finally understood what happened. “I know, I’m sorry...I should’ve stopped the minute I kissed you.” His shoulders fell letting the guilt wash over him like a tidal wave. His confession left you broken but he didn’t try to fight you or himself. Instead he created the space you need to breathe and looked around your room for your shirt.

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have egged you on.” You pushed yourself off your desk not caring about the things that had fallen onto the floor and grabbed your shirt from Vernon’s hand. He grinned watching you slip it on before sitting down at the edge of your bed, his forearms resting on his knees.

“We’ve got to be the most fucked up people in this cruel world.” He laughed letting himself fall back onto your bed. You shook your head before sitting down next to him. “Maybe we did something to piss someone off in our past lives and now we’re paying for it.” You shrugged, poking his side lightly making him fold over from the jab that ran through his body.

“Whatever it was...it must’ve been bad.” Vernon mumbled and looked up at your ceiling. The silence raining down over the two of you like a protective shield. Your heart was starting to return to its normal state but the guilt and confusion consumed you greatly. You knew you wouldn’t sleep tonight. You wanted to ask Vernon to stay and keep you company and you almost did as you watched him shut his eyes, peace washing over his body and you wondered what it was like to be held by this new version of him. But you quickly pushed those thoughts aside deciding that there were boundaries you needed to start setting up for both of your sakes.

After all, neither of you belonged to each other anymore.

“Where are you going to sleep?” You finally broke the silence after sitting in it for what felt like hours. He opened his eyes slowly blinking back the sleep as he sat up. “Probably the couch.” He stood up running a hand through his hair before turning to face you. His eyes bore into yours gently and you knew there was something he wanted to tell you but whatever it was it looked like you had to live without knowing because what came out of his mouth was not what you had expected. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He nodded before walking over to your door.

“Goodnight Hansol.” You whispered making him stop dead in his tracks, his birth name falling foreign onto his untrained ears. There was a time in his life where he loved the way your voice danced whenever you said it, but now he realized that he didn’t anymore and that was the hardest pill he would ever have to swallow. So he gave you the gift of a small nod before exiting your room, leaving you behind in your cold bedroom. Your soul felt as if it were in a pool of muddy water and all you wanted to do was call Seokmin, apologize and tell him everything.

“Can you please talk to me?”

You trailed behind Seungkwan as he pushed the shopping cart into the frozen aisle of the grocery store.

A week had passed since you accidentally found yourself pinned against your bedroom door with Vernon. A week had passed since the two of you decided to finally start setting boundaries for one another after Seungkwan had scolded the two of you like teenagers on the couch. Since then he had been giving the two of you the silent treatment. A punishment until you and Vernon came to terms with how wrong your actions had been, or so that’s what Seungkwan claimed.

You knew you had been in the wrong, you knew you should’ve never let it get as far as it did. The disgusting guilt consumed you whenever you saw Vernon wander around the apartment like he owned the place. It tugged on your heartstrings whenever Seungkwan glared at you for standing an inch too close to your ex lover. It feasted upon your flesh whenever you stayed up until the morning dew fogged up your windows, talking to Seokmin. Nothing between the two of you was official yet, and that had been your doing because you couldn’t seem to find a way to confess to him without hurting him and yourself in the process.

“Nope, not until you tell Dokyeom what happened.” Seungkwan huffed, stopping the shopping cart in front of the frozen pizza freezer. It was your weekly movie night. It had surprised you when Seungkwan brought it up in passing over breakfast that morning because you had assumed with how things were going, and now that Vernon had decided to stay, he would’ve cancelled it.

“I will, I promise I will. I-I just don’t know how or when.” You walked in front of Seungkwan and opened the freezer door reaching in to grab the triple cheese stuffed crust frozen pizza. “I don’t want to hurt him.” You sighed as you placed down the large box inside of the cart that was filled with an assortment of junk food.

“That’s the problem BooBoo the fool, you hurt him the second you let Vernon inside your heart again.” He held the freezer door open and reached inside grabbing the frozen hawaiian pizza, making you scrunch your face in disgust. In all the years you had known Seungkwan his taste in pizza was the only flaw he had, though he claimed it was an acquired taste that only the elite understood.

“What am I supposed to do then Kwanie, Vernon will always hold a piece of my heart whether I want him to or not. I spent half a decade loving him and shit like that can’t be forgotten in a few months.” You took liberty in closing the freezer door after Seungkwan had finished grabbing everything else you needed for the movie night. “I feel like you’re being really unfair right now.”

“I’m not saying you should forget about Vernon, the guys living with us for crying out loud. And he is my best friend, but I’m trying to get you and him to realize that your story together is over and has been for a while. It sucks that the two of you got ripped away from one another, but you know how I always tell you that everything happens for a reason?” Seungkwan glanced over at you while you nodded along to what he was saying, “Then there’s a reason why the two of you were never meant to be.”

“And what reason could that be?”

“Let him go and you’ll find out.”

Whoever reserved Wednesday nights as movie nights, deserves the guillotine.

Though as much as you hated that they were planted in the smack middle of the week. You will never complain about it out loud, because you knew it had been your idea to hold them every Wednesday after a very heated argument with Seungkwan that you surprisingly had won. But if you dared to ever mutter out a complaint, he would make sure to never let you hear the end of it.

“One movie, I have to wake up early for my job interview tomorrow.” You pleaded looking over at the clock that hung over the t.v, that also didn’t work. You had promised you would change the batteries to it months ago but forgotten. You suspected that the only reason Seungkwan hadn’t taken matters into his own hands was because he wanted it to serve as an annoying reminder for you.

“Wait, you have a job interview?” Vernon exclaimed in surprise as he walked out of the kitchen in a hurry with the pizza box burning his hands. “Yeah, at the school a few blocks away from here.” You shrugged, throwing the pillows you were carrying in your hands onto the makeshift fort the three of you had tried to create. Keyword tired, it was falling apart the more you stared at it.

“You’re going to be a teacher again?” Vernon’s face lit up as he set down the pizza box onto the coffee table that had been decorated to the T with all the junk food you and Seungkwan brought home. Seungkwan cleared his throat as he came into the living room again, his arms overflowing with all the blankets he could find. He threw them down landing on top of the pillows you had once held in your hands, before crossing his arms in front of him, closely eyeing the two of you.

You rolled your eyes and turned your attention to Vernon who had taken it upon himself to start digging into the hawaiian pizza, “I hope so, a job position opened up last week so I decided to send in my resume and they called me on Monday to schedule an interview.”

“That’s great--ow, bubs, I’m really happy for you.” Vernon said as he fanned his mouth after stupidly biting into the fresh out of the oven pizza. You nodded and turned to face Seungkwan who was glaring at Vernon while he ate his precious fit for royalty pizza.

“Let’s hope I get it, nothing is set in stone yet.”

“They’d be fools to not hire you. You’re amazing. I know they’d fall for you the second they hear how passionate you are about teaching.” Vernon assured as he blew onto his pizza, stopping to look at you for a split second, “I know I did.” He shrugged before tearing his eyes away from yours and taking another bite out of his pizza, making an O shape with his mouth to avoid getting burned again.

It was strange. If Vernon would have told those exact words last week out on the balcony, you would’ve melted at his feet. You would’ve never stopped him from going any further and you would’ve probably tried to erase Seokmin from your mind. But hearing those words escape Vernon’s pink lips now that he stood in your living room arguing with Seungkwan about hawaiian pizza. His words did nothing for you. They didn’t make your heart race, they didn’t make your palms sweat and they didn’t make your ears flare up in heat.

The only thing his words did was etch their way into your heart and fill you up with nostalgia, but not the kind that had you longing for his touch. The kind that made you happy that you had once been able to call him yours once. Maybe it was sign or step one of you finally being able to move on.

“Thanks Soli, I’ll keep that in mind.”

You were pacing in front of the main office for what seemed like hours, trying to calm your nerves down. You figured that moving around was better than sitting still and letting your thoughts race through your head, while you were at stand still. Though pacing wasn’t working either because your interview was scheduled to be at nine and it was nearing ten, and the dirty looks from the receptionist wasn’t helping your case either.

“Jeonghan I don’t know what you want me to do? I already sat down with the two of them and told them violence is never the answer.” The door to the administration office finally opened making the receptionist sigh out a sign of relief. As you scrambled to collect the stuff you had placed down on the waiting chairs behind you, you made a mental note to apologize to her before you left today.

“Seokmin don’t worry about it...I’ll contact the parents and see where we can go from there.” You felt the air catch itself in your throat as you slowly turned around to meet a very worried looking Seokmin. He hadn’t noticed you yet and you hoped he wouldn’t because the last thing you needed was to have him running through your mind during your interview. So, you stood there looking like a deer caught in the headlight while he continued chatting with the other man next to him. His voice filled with concern and it made your heart swell knowing how much he seemed to care about the issue at hand.

“Oh you must be here for the new teacher position right?” An unfamiliar voice sounded making you jump out of your days and thank god it did because you were about to let your mind wander to what having kids with Seokmin would be like. And that was something you weren’t ready to imagine, especially not when he looked good enough to eat in his work clothes.

“U-Um yeah I’m--”

“Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” Seokmin finally noticed you. The excitement in his voice made the heat flare up along your face and you tightened your hold on your things pressing them against your chest, as your eyes traveled from his sparkling ones to the very shocked ones of the receptionist and finally landing on the man next to him who was out of this world confused. “Sweetheart? You two know each other?” He questioned signaling to the space between you and Seokmin with his index finger.

“Hannie this is the girl I’ve been telling you guys about.”

“Oh, the one you never shut up about.” He nodded, sending you a knowing wink. Was there anything worse than your possible future boss finding out you were in cahoots with one of his teacher’s before actually getting the job? Probably not because you were currently wishing for the ground to swallow you up. But it made you feel a little better knowing Seokmin was wishing the same thing, judging from the redness of his cheeks.

“I-I’m here to get interviewed for the new teacher position.” You nodded reassuring yourself more than anything. “I didn’t know you were a teacher, I thought you owned a pottery studio?” You looked at Seokmin who was cutely rubbing the back of his neck as he giggled underneath his breath. Your heart convulsing and now you weren’t so sure you wanted the job if it meant having your heart erupting out of your chest twenty four seven, seven days a week.

“I do, but Minghao runs it during the week with our other friend Mingyu. Soonyoung and I are in charge of it during the weekends.” He smiled and took a step forward ignoring the looks Jeonghan and the receptionist were giving one another, and somehow you knew this whole situation was going to be the hot topic of the week in the teacher’s lounge. “I’m really glad you’re here.” He finally closed the distance before pulling you in for a hug, “I’ll make sure to put in a good word for you.” He whispered before kissing your temple lightly and pulling away.

“Alright, lovebird you have a science class to teach and I have an interview to conduct.” Jeonghan voiced shooing Seokmin with his hands making your sweet lover boy laugh.

“Good luck baby.” Seokmin threw you a kiss before exiting the main office, the door closing in behind him. Leaving you alone and deserted with your smirking future boss and nosey receptionist. Your nerves had subsided to almost nothing but now your mind was consumed with Seokmin and you weren’t sure if you were going to survive your interview without letting your mind wander to the loving future that was creeping up on you.

Jeonghan huffed and turned on his heels signaling for you to follow him, “I hope you know that just because my best friend and one of my teachers is head over heels for you, doesn’t mean you get special treatment. I still need to make sure you’re right for the job, and let me tell you sweetheart you have competition.”

“I didn’t expect you to go easy on me anyway.”

Jeonghan closed the file he had in front of him before lacing his fingers together on top of them and leaned forward, eyeing you closely. “Can I give you some advice?” Jeonghan titled his head, his glasses that didn’t have lenses sliding off the bridge of his nose. The entire time he was interviewing you had tried your best to not laugh at his ridiculous antics. But seeing as this was your first and most likely last time you were going to see him, you figured that you would keep it to yourself for now.

“U-Um yeah...of course.” You rushed out a little too eagerly, your nerves once again getting the best of you. They had been in control for the twenty minutes Jeonghan had been interviewing you, but now as he stared you down, you felt your nerves coming crashing down like an ocean wave.

“I’m hesitant on hiring you, your track record is spotless and you’re probably the best candidate for the job--” He sighed and ran a bony hand through his dark hair while leaning back in his chair. You knew your rejection was coming but you didn’t expect it to be so soon. You were hoping to at least make it home cry about how awful your interview had gone before burying yourself in a pint of cookie dough ice cream while Seungkwan lectured you all whilst simultaneously trying to keep your hopes up.

“--But I don’t know how I feel about two of my teacher’s dating, especially if you’re going to have the evidence on full display.” He raised his pen and pointed to the side of your neck where you knew Vernon’s evidence was still on you, a reminder of the sin you had committed a week ago. Your eyes grew wide as you panicked and slapped your hand on the side of your neck. A smirk appeared on Jeonghan’s face as he smugly crossed his arms in front of him. The realization hit you a little too late because now it became clear that he was only testing you and sadly you had failed.

“I’m sorry, um...I--I.” You shook your head, your hand falling down slowly and landing on your lap. There was nothing you could say in order to fix your mistake, you could only hope that Jeonghan wasn’t one of those people who loved to gossip because the last thing you wanted was to ruin a relationship that hadn’t gotten the chance to blossom. “Can you please not tell Seokmin.” A soft whisper fell from your lips, aware that you were throwing yourself under the bus, but what else could you do? You had already lost the job, you didn’t want to lose Seokmin as well, at least not yet.

“Ah, so it’s not from Dokyeom...bummer I was ready to tease him about it all week..�� He shrugged and leaned his elbows on his desk along with his body. “So you’re two timing him? And here I was starting to believe that our precious Dokyeom had finally found love.” He tsked, shaking his head, “I must say I’m incredibly disappointed, I thought I was the cruel one.”

“No, no, no, it’s not like that, it’s just--,” Your hands had started to shake on your lap, underneath Jeonghan’s amused stare. “--it’s complicated, more than you can imagine.” The confession stumbled out and you heard him let out a dry laugh.

“I have no doubt in my mind that whatever the situation is, is not an easy one but I suggest figuring your shit out before roping in one of my friends. Dokyeom has been through enough and I have no idea how he still keeps that smile of his on his face knowing the shit he’s been through.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I know you don’t believe me but I have been trying.”

“You’re right I don’t but I’m also not the one that needs to believe you.” He shrugged standing up from his chair and rounded the corner of his desk, stopping in front of you and leaning against it. “This isn’t a conversation you and I need to have, and all I ask of you is to have it with the person that’s meant to hear your words.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” you nodded and smoothed down the wrinkles of your dress. “Thank you for the interview.”

“Cheer up princess.” He laughed and extended his hand in front of him for you to take. You looked up at him hesitantly before grabbing his hand and letting him pull you up. “You got the job.” He smiled before letting go of your hand and walking towards his office door leaving you behind as you tried to figure out if you heard him right. “Now come on it’s almost lunchtime, I’m starving and we have a ton of paperwork to sign.”

“Wait you’re not shitting me are you?”

“If I was, I would’ve told you to leave the second you answered my first question, now let’s go.” He signaled you over while opening the door. You scrambled tripping over the leg of the chair you had just been sitting in making him roll his eyes. Now you understood why he had called himself the cruel one because Yoon Jeonghan was quite literally the reincarnation of the devil.

“Excuse my language but you’re an asshole.”

“I’ve been called worse sweetheart.”

“Are we celebrating?” Seungkwan’s voice excitedly boomed through the speaker of your phone as you climbed up the steps of your apartment building. After you had gone through the mountain of paper’s that Jeonghan and the school district had you signing. You had declined his offer on having lunch with him and all the other teachers, giving him the poor excuse of already having lunch plans with your best friend. You could tell he wanted to say something but instead he bid you farewell before telling you to come over on Friday after school for a tour of the school, as well as to show you where your classroom was going to be. “Please tell me we’re celebrating, I already sent Hansol to buy the cake, the streamers, balloons, champagne and the pizza.”

“I get my classroom on Friday and I start next Wednesday.” You voiced while punching in the code to enter your building, the buzzer sounded indicating that you could enter the lobby. You heard screaming from the other side of the phone followed by shushing noises. “Focus on your job Kwanie.”

“But this is more exciting,” He whined, making you shake your head in disbelief. If Seungkwan wasn’t the best entertainment lawyer at his firm you were sure he would’ve been fired ages ago. “How’d the interview go, I’m guessing good because now you’re employed.”

“It went awful, trust me I was expecting to still be unemployed.” You pressed the button to the elevator, watching as the numbers counted down slowly. The anticipation of getting into your bed again was killing you as the numbers got closer to the ground floor. “Then how do you have a job now?” Seungkwan questioned before letting out a gasp at the same time the elevator dinged announcing it’s rival. “You didn’t...you know, do inappropriate things to get the job did you?”

“I’m offended that you’ve known me for years and yet still think so lowly of me.” You entered the elevator and pressed the number to your floor, leaning against the elevator railings and watched as the doors closed in front of you. “Of course I didn’t.”

“I don’t know after what happened last week, I feel like I don’t know you anymore.”

“Jeonghan lectured me already about this after my interview. I don’t need you hanging it over my head again.”

“Wait bubs, who’s Jeonghan.”

“Oh, my boss.” The elevator stopped and slowly opened its doors. You pushed yourself off the wall and walked out, bringing your purse in front of you to fish out the keys to your apartment. “I think you two would get along, you're both equally as cruel.”

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult, but I don’t have time to be offended because now I’m just confused. How does he know?”

“Surprise! Seokmin is my co-worker and I ran into him before my interview--”

“He’s your coworker and your future baby daddy. This is wild bubs I would not like to have a love story like yours… no offense.”

“Whatever Kwanie, the point is the demon that is my ex boyfriend left a hickey on me last week and it still hasn’t gone away. So my boss saw, lectured me about it and somehow I ended up with the job.” You sighed, dropping your key back into your purse and pushed your already opened front door with the toe of your shoe. Vernon always had a habit of never closing the door completely and it had terrified you a few times, especially when word got around that there was a serial robber on the loose in the area the two of you used to live in.

“Maybe you heard wrong, are you sure you got the job?” Seungkwan questioned and you could almost picture the raise of his eye brow along with his scold. “This doesn’t sound like you got the job to me, maybe you should call them just to make sure.”

“I got it, I already signed all the paperwork.” You shook your head toeing off your shoes, noticing that Vernon’s vans were missing, which meant he still wasn’t home and you had maybe a few minutes of peace to yourself.

“This all sounds a little too suspicious now, but congratulations I’m proud of you...I guess.”

“Thanks you’re the best, I’ll call you later I think I’m going to shower so I can contemplate all my life choices.” You said holding your phone between your ear and shoulder as you placed your stuff down on top of the kitchen counter. “Also pizza two days in a row are you okay?”

“I’m fine, can’t say the same thing about you though.” He scoffed. “I’m going now I hope your shower makes you realize how stupid you have been lately.” He spoke before hanging up without letting you get a word in. Sighing you brought the phone down from your ear setting it down next to you. Your thoughts were jumbled and jumping around from one thing to another. You wished you weren’t so scared of confessing something to someone, especially if that someone was starting to become the reason why you kept waking up and getting out of bed every passing day. But you also knew you were hurting him more letting the days pass and keeping him in the dark. Needless to say your life had become a mess in the span of a few months and some days you found yourself wondering how you could return it.

Jeonghan told me…

Your phone buzzed making you jump. You grabbed it quickly watching as Seokmin’s contact name stared at you brightly, along with his message making your heart race. You cursed at yourself for trusting that the snake would keep your secret sealed behind his thin lips. And maybe he had hired you out of spite but whatever it was you were already typing your overdue apology in hopes you could at least salvage the tiny piece of Seokmin’s heart that he had selfishly given to you.

Congratulations baby, dinner on Friday to celebrate?

Your fingers stopped as you let out an embarrassing sigh of relief, silently apologizing to Jeonghan. Quickly you erased the few sentences you had managed to write out before typing out a reply. You weren’t sure what spirit had possessed you but, who's ever it was, gave you the confidence you needed to hit send, because you knew what you were about to do was going to possibly ruin whatever relationship you had with Seokmin or save it. But you were tired of walking on eggshells not only around him but also around Vernon. He needed to know and you needed to finally let go.

I’ll cook, I want you to meet some people.

Vernon walked into the apartment with everything Seungkwan had sent him out to get before leaving for work that morning. The bags he had been carrying for blocks were cutting the circulation in his arms, his fingers burning sweetly from the plastic. How they hadn’t fallen dead on the sidewalk a couple of blocks back was a mystery to him, and in truth the pain didn’t bother him until now, while he toe-d off his shoes as fast as possible. He felt his arms start to give up so he dropped them, like he usually did and let out an enormous sigh of relief. The circulation coming back into his arms at a rapid rate.

He stretched his hands out mumbling incoherently. Coming to a stop when he saw your distressed form leaning against the fake marble of the kitchen counter. Phone clutched tightly in your palm, breaking the circulation, much like the plastic bags had done to him. Before, he could stop myself, he ran over to you. Stumbling over his shoes. The groceries and the tingling feeling on his fingers, from the blood returning to them, long forgotten. All he could think about was you and what was going through your mind.

Without hesitation he wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his face into your neck as he felt your body grow stiff against his. The pang hitting him like a wave of unwanted air giving his heart a run for its money. “Are you okay?” He whispered bringing you close, hoping his comfort would somehow bring you at ease. He was never really good at comfort. He had learned that early on in your relationship, but he always tried as best as he could. Affection had been his major weak point, but now that he had lost you it had become his strongest suit.

“No Vernon, I’m not.” You swallowed the lump of anger that had been lodged into the back of your throat before gripping his arms with your hands and prying them off. Vernon was taken back, the void returning to his chest and you tried your best to shoulder past him. “You almost costed me my job today.” His arms fell at their sides, your words catching him off guard.

No matter how many arguments the two of you had had during your past relationship, he had never heard you use this before. The venom became permanent, interweaving itself with the strings of your vocal chords and for the first time he had realized that he had finally lost you.

“Me?” He questioned, standing dumbfounded. A shaking finger coming to view pointing to his chest. “What do you mean I almost ruined your chances at you getting a job. I’ve only been home and at the grocery store?”

Vernon ran a wary hand through his dark looks, the confusion written all over his face when you glanced at him and pushed past him a little too forcefully. He tried to recall anything he could’ve done for you to look at him in such an unpleasant way, but his mind came to a halt stopping in front of a white wall. All he could remember was trying his best to stay away from you and failing.

Every night he sat in front of your bedroom door while you talked on the phone for hours. He missed the sound of your laugh. He knew it was never going to be directed towards him anymore, but he would never get tired of it. At least it was a distraction, as unpleasant as it may have been at times. His life was ruined and his search for cheap apartments big enough for himself was starting to become a bust.

He wasn’t stupid. As much as you and Seungkwan had tried to mask your distaste for his return. He knew he wasn’t welcomed and he was made more aware of it now that he could feel your anger caging him in.

“This Vernon!” You yelled as he came out of his daze. His eyes widened when he saw you unbutton the first few buttons of your blouse, the nude of your bra peeking out making him swallow thickly. “This is why I was almost not hired today.” You pointed at the faded hickeys he had left behind. A year ago he would’ve smirked while making a slick comment before attacking you. The giggle would fall out of your lips as he led you to the couch while he deepened the lovebites he had previously made.

Now he stayed put, watching the angry tears fall from your eyes and instead of feeling sorry. He was now starting to shed his calm composure letting it get replaced by a year’s worth of anger. He let it consume him, because he had had enough.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair that you and Seungkwan were faulting him for something that hadn’t been entirely his fault.

“Did you get undressed in order to get the job? Were you really that desperate. Did he not like the fact that you were whoring yourself around when he saw another man’s mark on you?” He spat out, barely processing what he had said. His fist balling up at his sides while yours did the same thing. “I knew you were capable of things but this is a new low that I should’ve seen coming.”

Vernon had never once said anything hurtful to you, he had given silent treatments, left the house in fits of rage; but never anything hurtful. You were caught by surprise, your heart beating out of your chest angrily and tears flowed at a rapid rate. This was a new side of him and you supposed he was also seeing a new side of you. It made you wonder if you had truly known one another as well as you once prided yourself in.

You forcefully threw down your stuff onto the coffee and took fast, long strides over to him. “Fuck you Vernon, I wish I had never met you.” You forced out jabbing your index finger into his chest as hard as you could, hoping you’d be able to hurt him even further like he had done to you.

He stayed, not budging, looking down at you with an overwhelming amount of disgust. “You’ve ruined my life.” The whisper escaped your lungs before you could stop it, but the damage had already been done. The two of you had been stripped off of everything, left with nothing. Two once perfect colorful arrays of canvases now painted white. What more did you have to lose?

“And you’ve ruined mine.” He emphasized, making sure each word, each syllable was laced with the same amount of poison he was being consumed with. He wanted them to take a piece of your soul. The same way yours did with his.

It was the final blow he needed to deliver to finally be able to walk out of your life for good. To finally forget the way your presence had his heart doing somersaults. To finally realize he was and had never been yours to begin with.

Vernon shook his head in disbelief blinking back the angry tears. He grabbed your wrist and slowly peeled your fingers away from his shirt he hadn’t noticed you were clinging onto. His body was shaking just like yours. Emotions he was now experiencing for the first time consuming him slowly. He pushed you away gently, a stark contrast from the hurtful words he had said earlier and quickly made his way to the front door. Hastily putting on his shoes, mumbling underneath his breath. He ignored the groceries again, and tripped over every miscellaneous item that was decorating the floor as he opened the front door.

Déjà vu hit you like a tsunami, shaking arms wrapped around your torso, sobs falling out of your mouth as you watched him leave just like you had many times before. This time he didn’t love you enough to want to come back.

When the world had once still revolved around you and Vernon, your fights would never last as long as this one had. It had lasted two days and six hours, but who’s counting?

You were avoiding one another like the plague not wanting to admit fault.

“Are you spaced out again?” Seokmin’s voice sounded through the speaker of your phone. You don’t know when the nightly facetime calls became routine, but they were the only thing you look forward to now. Especially after the nasty argument with Vernon two days and six hours ago.

“Sorry Min.” You shake your head and turn to the side bringing your blanket up to your chin. “What were you saying again?”

“I’m sorry we had to move dinner to tomorrow night, I forgot I had to babysit my nephew.” He pouted at the camera before turning his attention back to washing the dishes he had used for dinner.

Since the two of you hadn’t been able to physically have dinner together to celebrate, you figured that having dinner with him through facetime was better than nothing. To keep him company of course and not because he filled the void you had been feeling for days on end.

The entire time you were holed up in your room and witnessed how gentle he was when it came to his nephew. It made the butterflies in your stomach dance to the beat of their own drums. Once again you found yourself pushing the thought of Seokmin and children away. It was too soon.

“Don’t apologize, I enjoyed watching you struggle with Minjae. Personally, baby, I’m a fan of when he calls you Min Min.” Seokmin laughed. His smile reached both ends of his face as he turned the faucet off. He dried his hands on a kitchen towel before grabbing his phone. “When I went to put him to bed he said you were pretty...and I mean he’s not wrong you’re gorgeous sweetheart.” He winked making the apples of your cheeks heat up with the light pink of baby flower petals.You watched as he shut off the lights and walked out of his kitchen, trudging silently through the hallway before reaching his room.

“Since we’re alone now,” he started shutting the door to his room, “You want to tell me what’s been bothering you for the last few days?” He finished. The small complaint falling out of your lips as you hid underneath your blanket. It was amazing how in such a short amount of time Seokmin had been able to read you like a book from start to finish.

It had taken Vernon a full year to be able to decipher the hidden meaning behind your words.

Vernon...you hated how much he was consuming your thoughts. Even when Seokmin was around. It felt like a curse with no cure. “Just got into a small argument with an old friend.”

“Have you tried talking to them?” Seokmin walked around before placing his phone down and unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt. “You won’t be able to fix anything if the two of you haven’t talked.”

“I can’t Seokmin, I said some hurtful things to him and honestly I shouldn’t have said them. I was angry over a situation that wasn’t entirely his fault.” You sighed, removing the blanket from your head and flopping down on your back. “If he didn’t hate me before he does now.”

“I don’t know what happened with your friend, but I don’t think he hates you. Just try and talk to him and clear the air.” He nodded before laying down on his bed, grabbing the pillow and hugging it. “It doesn’t hurt to at least try.”

You smiled and nodded. He looked breathtaking underneath the dim light of his room, “If you’re going to be right all the time, I think I might want a refund...again”

“Don’t say that baby...I’ll let you be right on odd days.”

Saturday night came faster than you had anticipated and somehow you had managed to burn spaghetti.

Your day had been awful and you were hoping that when nightfall came everything would’ve gotten better. Your wish had fallen on to deaf ears because you had burned spaghetti, Vernon was acting like a grade A asshole, and Seungkwan was ignoring you.

When Seokmin had arrived. On time. He had found you scrambling in the kitchen trying to remake your famous (easy) pasta dish. Seungkwan and Vernon were arguing over the correct way to set a table...it was chaos.

Neither of them were correct but you didn’t care enough to correct them. They weren’t talking to you either way.

When you had managed to finally finish dinner. With the help of Seokmin. He had insisted after he saw how stressed out you looked, the four of you sat in complete silence. Seokmin at your side, holding your hand underneath the table, Vernon eyeing him down like he was his prey and Seungkwan mindlessly scrolled through his phone. The clinking of utensils and your heavy breathing was the only thing that was heard.

You wanted to die.

“Um...so I know Seungkwan, but I don’t know you. I’m Seokmin.” He nodded in Vernon’s direction before taking a bite of his pasta. You watched as Seungkwan locked his phone and put it down. His eyes traveled between the two male figures before they settled on yours and you watched as he slightly shook his head.

“I know who you are, you’re the one that she stays up talking to.” He signaled in your direction before setting down his fork and leaning into his chair, crossing his arms in front of him. “I’m Hansol but you can call me Vernon.”

“Cool...so Vernon, how do you know each other?” Seokmin let go of your hand. The warmth and ease you had felt disappearing as you saw the two of them eye each other. As far as you could tell Vernon wanted to eat Seokmin alive and Seokmin was simply driven by his curiosity. “Did you just move in?”

Vernon laughed bitterly before pushing his half eaten plate away from him. “You haven’t told him?” He questioned. The amused evil glint adorning his soft eyes. A look you had never once seen him give anyone and now that it was directed towards you. You were terrified.

“Hansol don’t!” Seungkwan warned. You felt Seokmin’s body stiffen next to you as he looked over at you, an eyebrow raised. “So we’re just going to sit here and pretend we’re one big happy family when we’re all miserable because of her.” Vernon spat out digging his burning gaze into yours. You jumped and looked over at Seokmin who had retreated into himself. His eyes were burning holes into the pasta in front of him.

“Min I-I can ex-”

“What does he mean, what is he talking about?” Seokmin interrupted and pushed his plate away from him. Your appetite was gone and you could only assume everyone else was feeling the same way.

“Tell him. Why don’t you tell him how you were moaning my name a few days ago just like you had done for the past five years.”

You panicked, your body shaking in intervals of five and you tried to look for anything to say but your lies had finally caught up to you. The only thing you could do was drown and keep drowning, just like you had been doing before Seokmin came into your life and pulled you out of the water. Now you were pushed into it again and this time you were positive no one was going to risk themselves to save you.“Seokmin w-wait please.” You threw your napkin on the table and stood up, the corners landing into the pasta sauce as you turned to face Seokmin. You extended your arm to grab his hand, only for him to pull it back, ”You were just toying with me.” The legs of the chair scraping against the hardwood floor made you jump. Your body going into survival mode. “I saw the marks on you but I just assumed I had accidentally gotten carried away.”

“You fucked him too, wo-”

“Vernon, shut up for once please.” You yelled. Your world came crashing down again just like it had on that winter night; in front of the infamous coffeeshop. Both times had been Vernon’s fault.

“I-I can’t be here.” Seokmin whispered, running a bony hand through his perfectly styled hair, causing it to messily stick out in random places. He sighed before pushing his char in forcefully as he gathered the few things he had brought with. He stepped on the soles of his shoes, not caring about how uncomfortable he felt. The only thing that was running through his mind was how he needed to get out and far away from you as possible.

“Why can’t you guys let me handle things at my own pace. I was gonna tell him this is why I invited him but I didn’t want him to find out like this.” You shouted, making Seungkwan and Vernon to look at you as if you were a deer and they were the headlights. You shook your head and stood up running past them and the kitchen towards the door that Seokmin had left wide open. Your vision had gone blurry and you opted out at putting on your shoes. It would be a waste of time and you needed to get to him before he left. You were tired of not fighting for what you wanted and you wanted Seokmin enough that it hurt.

“M-Min please wait! Let me explain.” Seokmin stopped as he was halfway down the first flight of stairs.

“I understood. I told you I would wait for you because I knew something had happened to you. Yet I never pushed you to tell me. I started to fall for you, only to find out that you didn’t care that you never cared. T-That there was someone else.”

“I-It’s not like that.” You ran down the flights of stairs, ignoring the small pebbles digging into the skin of your feet. “H-Hansol was my soulmate, bu-”

“Was?”

“Yes Seokmin he was my soulmate, please just give me a chance to explain everything.” You grabbed his hand and brought it up to your heart that was going a mile a minute. “We aren’t together and haven’t been together for a year...i-it’s just complicated.” You pleaded.

“But you slept with him right after our date I’m guessing?”

“I-I...a...Seokmin please just let me explain. I didn’t sleep with him. When you left he was here and we talked and then one thing led to another but I stopped him because of you. Because I had the most amazing ti-”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better because it doesn’t.” He rolled his eyes and pulled his hand back, stuffing both of them into the pockets of his coat. Goosebumps rose against your skin. You blamed the cool wind of the beginning autumn months but you were very well aware that it was because of the coldness behind Seokmin’s comforting eyes. “Do you still love him?”

“M-Min I-I...um. I-”

“God, I really don’t want to look at you right now, I w-wished I h-had never met you.” He whispered.

Your knees gave up at the realization of his confession and you fell down onto the concrete step of the stairs. You were numbly looking at his worn out shoes as he stood there wordlessly, broken sounds leaving his perfect lips. A breeze blew and you shivered, “I-I’m sorry.” You whispered before he turned around and started down the rest of the flights of stairs leaving you behind.

When Vernon left, you were heartbroken.

When Seokmin left, you wanted to die.

It’s unclear how you made it back into your apartment on the couch under a plethora of blankets, shivering, teeth clattering against one another. You weren’t sure how long you had been out in the cold waiting, hoping for Seokmin to come back and take you into his arms. To hold your shivering body close to his warm one, while whispering the three words you longed to hear most.

I forgive you.

That hadn’t been the case though. You sat out there waiting on the concrete steps as the bitter cold overtook your body, until you couldn’t feel your bones anymore. In the midst of your unwavering head, you had lost track of time. And now you are sitting on your couch, listening to soft shuffles of rushed feets and hushed arguments. Tears frozen onto the apples of your cheeks, staring at the blank wall that sat behind the television set.

“Hey,” Seungkwan’s voice sounded distant as he tried grabbing your attention, shaking you gently.

The inside of your head was a mess, the files of all your memories going up in flames. You wanted out of your head, to look at Seungkwan’s face morphed with concern. You wanted to cry into his arms just like you had done many times before but you were done. You had let other people deal with your problems for you instead of facing them head on. So, you ignored him and his soft voice to stare at the blank wall. At least the wall wouldn’t be used by you.

“I ran you a bath, come on.” He placed his palm on your back rubbing it up and down in a soothing manner. You cringed, shrugging his touch away and wrapped the blankets around yourself tighter, retrieving into yourself. “You’re going to freeze to dea-”

“I deserve it.” You mumbled. A tear trickled down your cheek and you looked down at your shivering hands. He was right, the color from your skin had been drained due to the bone chilling cold from the start of the winter months. But you liked wallowing in the numbness, it served as a reminder of how much you truly fucked up.

“You don’t, now come on before you force me to carry you, you know how weak my back has been lately and you would be doing me a great disservice if I have to carry you all the way to the bathroom.” He said pointedly and tugged on your hands as he stood up taking you along with him. The blankets fell from your shoulders, taking residency on the couch. Seungkwan walked the two of you away from the couch, one of his hands on your back the other holding your arm tightly and tentatively. Almost as if he was afraid that you’ll escape and habituate yourself on the couch again. Your point of focus from the wall was no more, now you were staring around the silent apartment. Your eyes landed on the dinner table, where everything had been left untouched, like nothing had happened. And you wondered if ten minutes had gone by instead of an hour, just like you had presumed.

The sound of rushing water brought you back to your senses as you and Seungkwan entered the bathroom. The lights were dimmed and he had set up the stress relieving candles the two of you had bought on a whim one Sunday afternoon. It was moments like these when you realized you didn’t deserve to have a friend like Seungkwan. A friend would drop everything and be at your side in seconds at the mumble of the first syllable of his name. Once again you were reminded how much better he deserved.

“I-I’m sorry.” You whispered watching him through the fogged out mirror. His long fingers toying with the tiny zipper of your dress, unzipping it slowly, careful not to place his cold palms against your already freezing skin. In a different scenario you would’ve made a sexual innuendo about him seeing you naked, even though he had many times. The two of you lived together and the amount of times either of you had accidentally sleepily walked in on each other either changing or showering was almost laughable. At some point it had become so natural that neither of you strayed away from uninterested pairs of eyes.

“For what?” He raised a brow at you through the mirror. Your dress had now fallen onto the floor leaving you in your matching bra and underwear set. Your arms wrapped tightly around your stomach as you turned around to look at him.

“E-Everything, I’m the w-worst person ever and here you are t-treating me like a delicate flower. I-I don’t deserve you or Vernon or S-Seokmin.” You sniffed blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay. It was a miracle that you hadn’t ran out of tears considering how much you cried daily. At least three times a week.

Seungkwan let out a laugh and hugged you tightly, his hands brushing the hair away from your face, “You aren’t the worst person ever, right now you might not be your own favorite person or the favorite person of a certain individual.” He pulled back and flicked your forehead gently making you pout, the tears still free falling down your cheeks, his thumbs brushing them away. “I can name a few others that are way worse than you, now get in the bath before I seriously drown you.” Seungkwan treated placing a soft kiss against your forehead. “Sometimes I wish I could take away yours and Vernon’s pain.”

“Then you’d be weighted down even more by pain that doesn’t belong to you.”

“If it gets the two of you smiling again, I’d take the risk any day.”

Seungkwan always keeps true to his word.

While he was aggressively washing your hair, he almost did try to drown you and you had never been more scared for your life.

“This is the last time I let you take care of me.” You pouted bringing your knees up to your naked chest, sending him an almost threatening glare. The tears had stopped along with your shivering, but now you could finally feel the emptiness inside of you.

“That’s gonna be hard, I like taking care of you. It’s like my hobby.” He flashed you a smile before turning his attention back to his almost empty wine glass. You sighed, placing your cheek against your knees watching as he poured himself another generous amount of the overly expensive wine you had bought solely for that night.

“That’s the problem, you shouldn’t like to take care of me, you should’ve kicked me out after my third month here.” You grabbed the bottle from his hand and took a sip from it, cringing at the taste as it traveled down your throat burning slightly. For it to be so expensive you were expecting it to be crafted using grapes sent down from the heavens, but the wine from your corner store was a lot better. Maybe this is where you had gone from in the first place. You had tried to be something you weren’t for Seokmin. Tried to put up a front until you were ready to show him the real you. A foolproof plan that ended up backfiring in the end. You should’ve known.

“Do you remember the first time we met?” Seungkwan took the bottle from your hand and placed it on the floor. He turned to look at you tugging his knees underneath him and leaned an elbow against the edge of the bathtub.

“Yeah, it was New Year’s and you were spending it with Hansol’s family because you and your family weren’t on best terms.” You looked away from his glossy eyes and down at the water surrounding you. You dipped a pruned finger into the water creating a small ripple in the once warm, now lukewarm water.

“Do you remember what you said to me that night before the clock struck twelve.”

You swished your finger around in the water, watching the ripples grow bigger and bigger, your face breaking into a small smile. The first one you had let decorate your face since everything happened. “I said that whenever I felt down I would always think of you because every time I saw you around campus you always had a smile plastered on your face and your head held high.” You said placing your palm against the water surface and then pushing against it watching as the water swallowed your head.

“Do you know how much your words meant to me?” He put down his glass on the edge of the bathtub, “I was going through the worst period of time in my life, my relationship with my family was strained, I was failing my classes and the person I was in love with was getting married but your words helped me get through that time in my life. And that’s why I choose to be there for you always...because you were there for me.”

“Seungkwan I-.” He held his hand up, stopping you from speaking a distant smile plastered on his face as he grabbed the towel next to him and dipped his hand into the bathtub unclogging the drain, creating a tiny whirlpool.

“I know you’re going to tell me that you were drunk and that your words didn’t deserve to have such an impact on me, and that you still don’t deserve my help, but I don’t want to hear it.” He tapped your shoulder signaling for you to stand, in which you obeyed. You watched silently as he wrapped your towel around you tightly, tiny water droplets chasing down your bare arms and legs. “No matter what happens to you, you will always be able to count on me no matter how annoying I might find you sometimes. I will always be there for you, is that clear?” He finished sternly before wrapping his arms around you, hugging you not carrying that you were getting his only designer shirt wet.

“Crystal.”

“Can I ask you a question?” You beamed up at Seungkwan as he tugged you into bed after helping you dry your hair for an hour. If it were up to you, you would’ve gone to sleep right after you changed into your pajamas, but Seungkwan insisted with a nagging finger on drying your hair because “You should never go to sleep with your hair wet unless you want to wake up sick.” Or so he claimed.

“Am I going to have to write a dissertation in order to answer it?” He sat down on the edge of his bed, tugging a leg underneath him, resting his elbow against his thigh, his chin the palm of his hand.

“Nope but you might get mad at me for asking it.” You grinned, positioning your body to the side in a fetal position. Seungkwan rolled his eyes, mumbling how all his hard work in tugging you in had gone to waste and giving you the go head with a small nod of his head.

“Where’s Vernon?”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes before leaning over to turn your light off. “I don’t know. After he brought you inside he ran out saying he had somewhere to be.” He turned the switch leaving the two of you in darkness and silence. “Why do you ask?”

“I want to beat him up for being a jerk.”

“I’ll film it.”

The brightness of the morning sun made you stir in your sleep, making you wish you had listened to Seungkwan when he had suggested that you buy black out curtains, instead of the sheer ones you bought. With a heavy sigh you felt around your bed looking for your phone knowing very well you hadn’t plugged it in to charge. You wanted the battery to drain out that way you wouldn’t anxiously be waiting for a phone call or text that was never going to come.

Frustrated due to the realization you continued your search, digging your palm into your sheets letting them melt between your fingers, wishing the other side of your bed wasn’t cold and empty. But the one person you wanted to be next to you didn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

“Why are you pulling on my hair?”

Your hand came back to you faster than a lightning bolt and you sat up, eyes wide as saucers as you looked down at the last person you were expecting. “Why are you here?” You brought the sheets up to your shirts, covering your arms that were adorned with the thin strap of the tank top you had used to sleep.

Vernon buried his face in your sheets, giving himself a moment to recover from being woken up in such an unpleasant way. He had arrived home two hours ago, took his shoes off in a hurry and rushed to your room. He was met with your sleeping form. Limbs splayed out in all directions, your sheets sliding off your body taking up residency on your bedroom floor.

He smiled feeling the nostalgia take over his body like a poisonous drink. He longed to wake up next to you, with the sheets missing and your arm draped his face, while silent snores fell out of your mouth as you stayed sleeping without a care in the world. He looked forward to those mornings. Especially when he was losing you because it was the only time that felt like nothing was happening. The only time he wouldn’t have to avoid looking at you for fear of breaking down whenever he saw the hurt in your eyes. And as you had slept after the shit show that had happened earlier that night, albeit all his fault. He found himself longing for those few seconds of silence as he watched you sleep.

So, he moved through your room with caution, dodging the specs of light coming in through your window. He picked up your from the floor and carefully placed them on top of you again before sitting down on the floor. His elbow on your bed, chin resting on the palm of your hand and he watched you sleep. The tears prickling in the corners of his eyes, this would be the last time he would be seeing you. At least for a while. He wanted to take everything in, engrave the image of your sleeping face in his mind so he wouldn’t forget about it for a while.

Unaware he had fallen asleep, and now here he was. His heart thumping out of his chest feeling your eyes dig themselves into the side of his head. He could only be honest, his intentions weren’t malicious to begin with, and lying to you always tore him apart. “I came to say goodbye.” He whispered, raising his head. He brought his hands up to his eyes and diligently rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. His vision grew spotty from how hard he had rubbed them.

“Oh...where are you going?” You sat up, resting your back against the headboard. It surprised you how soft your voice sounded as it left your mouth and you could tell it had surprised him too. You like him were expecting the coldness, but instead both of your ears were met with warmth.

“I’m moving back into my parents house, until I find my own place. I was selfish in coming here in the first place. I thought that now because I was alone again we could be together again.” He nodded, focusing on your closet door avoiding your face as the words rushed out of his mouth. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore...at least for a while.” He tore his gaze away from the door and turned to his you. “I’m sorry for everything.”

A veil of silence swallowed your waking bodies, as the rising sun finished its journey and stayed put. The golden hues of the rays illuminated Vernon’s side profile, bringing out the tiny freckles underneath his eyes. They were bloodshot, you could tell he hadn’t slept despite him just waking up, making you feel a little guilty. If you hadn’t prolonged this situation as much as you did then maybe things would’ve been different last night and this morning. Maybe you’d be waking up to Seokmin’s soft touches instead of Vernon’s broken and guilt ridden stare.

“I wanted you here Vernon.” You whispered, wrapping your arms around your legs, resting your chin on top of your knees. “We’re equally at fault, though you had been acting like an asshole and I’m still a little upset with you. It’s not all your fault.” You nodded, skimming your hand down your covered legs and placed it on top of his.

Vernon sighed removing his hand from underneath yours, your touch ignited something inside of him. Something he needed to keep at bay in order to let you go once and for all. “I talked to him last night.” He leaned back on his arms, his fingers digging into the fuzziness of your white carpet. He looked at you through his bangs, smiling at the confusion written all over your sleepy face. “Dokyeom, he’s funny.”

The sound of his name sounded foreign coming out of Vernon’s mouth. You almost convinced yourself you had still been dreaming if it wasn’t for the clattering pans in the kitchen, obviously Seungkwan’s doing. “You’re lying to me again.”

“I only lied to you once and I regret it every waking moment I see you, but this time I’m not.” He said crossing his jean clad legs underneath him, “I followed him after I brought you back inside, he punched me.” He laughed and pointed to the side of his jaw that had started to form a light bruise, making your brows furrow in concern. “It’s not as bad as it looks, my jaw is still intact, plus I deserved it.”

“You did. If he hadn’t done I would’ve.”

“Yeah, and it would’ve hurt more coming from you.” He rolled his eyes brushing off the subject with a swipe of his hand against the air, “I apologized to him and he taught me how to make a vase...did you know he’s part owner of a pottery studio?”

You laughed at the splendor in Vernon’s voice. The awkward air that had been crushing both pairs of lungs subsided, “I did he promised he’d take me one day but I guess it won’t happen now.” You shrugged, a side smile forming against your lips. “I’m a little jealous you got to live out my fantasy.”

“Yeah his hands are big and muscular and soft, I felt safe in his arms as he taught me how to form the shape.” Vernon joked. You rolled your eyes and grabbed your pillow before hitting him with it, making him groan. “That hurt.”

“Good, I was hoping it did.”

“You’re just jealous that he and I share a birthday.”

“No you don’t.” You pouted and laid down again crossing your arms in front of you like a child. The guilt consumed you once again but this time because you had been so focused with your problems that you hadn’t taken the chance to actually get to know Seokmin. You hadn’t actually tried to get to know him better and you couldn’t blame him for what he had told you last night. If you were in his shoes, you would also regret ever meeting you.

“What else did he say?” You voiced, untangling your arms and turning your body to face Vernon’s sitting form. He smiled before standing up and brushing the invisible lint balls from his jeans. He extended his hand for your to take, earning a curious stare from you.

“He wants to see you but first you have to eat breakfast.”

After a very uneventful breakfast that consisted of Seungkwan’s nagging (out of love) and leftovers. The three of you helped Vernon carry his stuff out to his car. It was a bittersweet feeling, to see the same scenario play out the same way it did almost over a year ago. This time neither of you were hurting and longing for one another.

“Get in.” Vernon shouted as he closed the trunk of his car, dusting his hands in front of him. He pointed to the passenger seat door, a wide smile on his face as he rounded the corner and opened the door. “I have to take you somewhere.”

“W-What, but I-I haven’t showered and I’m still in my pajamas.” You looked between Vernon who was holding open the door and Seungkwan who had started looking around, whistling and you realized that whatever Vernon was planning, Seungkwan had been in on it too.

“You look fine, now get in before I get punched again.”

“Kwanie help me please.” You pleaded grabbing onto the sleeves of his coat. Not knowing what was happening or what was going to happen only added to the stress of last night.

“I think I left the stove on, I’m going to go save our apartment from burning down.” He winked peeling your fingers from the sleeves of his coat and shoved you towards the car. “Have fun, don’t stay out too late, you still have to clean your room.” He shouted as he turned around and started jogging towards the entrance of the building.

“I have no choice do I?” You sighed looking at Vernon’s scheming face. He shook his head and signaled you to hurry up with the sudden movement of his hand. “Fine, if I end up dead though I’m coming back to haunt you and Seokmin’s asses.” You mumbled in annoyance, the skin of your legs gaining bumps as a cold breeze blew.

Vernon waited, holding the door to his car open for you as you quickly got into the passenger seat of his car. While you got in quickly desperately seeking some kind of warmth. “Are you ready?” He closed the door gently once he was sure you were fully inside and buckled up, leaning his elbows against the open window.

“To be kidnapped, nope. But I have no choice.”

Vernon stopped his car in front of an unnamed warehouse, unlocked the doors and basically shooed you out of it, “The side door is unlocked.” He said, pointing to an inconspicuous grey door before speeding off and leaving you alone, your heart against your throat.

You stood there in the middle of the parking lot, the bitter cold wrapping around you like a frozen blanket. And for once in your life you wished you had new friends, preferably ones that wouldn’t leave you in the middle of nowhere, in your pajamas and without a phone. You realized you had left it midway through your silent journey in Vernon’s old car. You had reached over for the volume knob turning it all the way down. The song that belonged to one of the mixtapes he had once made disappeared from his failing speakers. He had laughed when you told him, “You won’t need it anyway.” He reassured, pressing his foot on the gas as the light turned to an obnoxious yellow.

Now you were left stranded, cold and fearing for your life, refusing to move from your spot, eyeing the grey door in suspicion and fear. “Come in before you die.” You jumped as the grey door slammed open, revealing a boy with reddish hair and glasses perched on top of his nose, wearing grey paint splattered overalls. You contemplated ignoring him at first but then another cold breeze blew, followed by a few snowflakes and you knew you had no choice, but to follow the boys commands.

“Who are you?” You questioned as you jogged towards him and then past him, your body engulfed with the warmth of the warehouse, and you let out a sigh of relief.

“Minghao, I’m one of the owners of this place.” He said after closing the door behind him making you jump slightly at the sound of metal hitting metal. “You know we’re in the middle of winter, not summer.” He said pointedly, eyeing you down. And you felt stupid although your attire hadn’t been your doing. If it had been entirely up to you, you wouldn’t be wearing sleep shorts, a tank top, a thin sweater and soping house slippers.

“Yeah, it’s a long story.”

“And I’m sure I’ll hear it one day but your lover boy is waiting behind the curtains.” Minghao smiled and wrapped a black winter coat around your shoulders, rubbing your arms gently before pulling away. “He hasn’t slept, so please tell him too once you finish confessing your love to one another or whatever people do after a fight.” He shoved you lightly towards the creme curtains that separated what seemed like an art room from whatever room was on the other side.

“Also if you need to do like gross couple stuff, can you do it in his room and not the living room.” He stated before grabbing a paint brush and sitting in front of a half painted canvas. Nothing had taken shape yet and you wondered if that was his intention or if he was stuck and just decided to paint whatever came to his mind. Whatever the reason was, you’d have to wait because the creme colored curtain was whispering your name at a decibel only you could hear begging you to reveal what was on the other side. So, you did, pulling it back harder than you had intended, your breath catching itself in the back of your throat.

Your eyes traveled around what seemed to be a living room. The navy blue couch had been pushed to the far end of the room, the back resting against the brick wall. A whole wall filled with all the books you could imagine and you found yourself laughably fighting the urge to run your finger tips against all their spines. There was a kitchen, though it looked more like it had never been used, the overflowing sink filled with dishes told you otherwise. And finally sitting in the middle, on a paint splattered dining room table was Seokmin, his bright and pleading eyes taking your attention away from the bags that laid underneath them. A two tier crooked cake sitting in front of him, with the words “I’m sorry,” written in purple icing.

“Seokmin I-” You started but the words escaped your mouth as your feet mindlessly made your way towards him. For a split second you stood in front of him as he looked up at you, his hands shaking on his lap, and you threw yourself at him, hugging him tightly as you buried your face into his neck taking in his scent. Fearing that this might be the last time you would be smelling it, as it almost was. “I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you sooner, but I got scared. I didn’t want you to think of me as different, as impure, used, b-broken. I-I don’t know.” Your words rushed out almost creating an incoherent sentence against his soft skin. You felt him suck in a breath before wrapping his arms around you tightly, his palms running down your back soothingly.

“I’m sorry too I wasn’t completely honest with you either. I know how you felt, it wasn’t easy for me when I first lost the person I loved and I wasn’t expecting to find you so soon that day either at the field.” He whispered, kissing your temple gently before pulling back and brushing the loose strands of hair away from your face. “I told you that I’d wait for you but I think I was telling myself that too.”

“Wait you mean...what...when?” You searched his face for any indication of incenserity but all you found was warmth, longing and love.

“Around spring of last year, we were by the cherry blossoms when it happened.” He nodded and you felt the sting of colorful swirls erupt inside of you. “They left me that day and I haven’t seen them since.” He finished cradling your face in his hands, looking into your eyes with so much intensity you were sure you would melt.

“That’s when it happened to Vernon and I.” You placed a palm against your forehead, your blowing out of their sockets because for the first time since that day everything had started to fall into place.

“He told me last night, we also share a birthday which is crazy.” He said matter of factly, causing a small laugh to escape your lips, “do you think we can maybe start over?” He pouted, brushing the stray tears that had fallen from the corner of your eyes way.

“I’d love nothing more Seokmin.” You whispered and closed the tiny gap between the two of you finally connecting your lips with his, the butterflies erupting in the pits of your stomach. Behind your closed eyelids you could see the colorful burst of emotions harbored deep inside you, turning different shades of blue, purple and pink as the kiss deepened. It was something you had never witnessed before and to say it was overwhelming would be an understatement. You felt on cloud nine and you didn’t want it to stop, but the air was running out of your lungs the quicker the kiss got and you could tell Seokmin was feeling the same way as his chest started heaving underneath your palms, so you pulled back, your pants matching up with his.

For the first time since you met him, your world around you seemed to intensify. Everything was brighter, glowing with a fierceness you had never once experienced. The two of you stayed silent staring into each other’s eyes, your heart hammering against your chest as you noticed the subtle specs of gold that were mixed deep within his dark eyes. You didn’t want to stop looking at them, not when you felt his hand cup your chin to pull you back in for another kiss.

“Do you feel it too?” You whispered, your lips hovering over his threatening to close the gap again.

“Feel what?” He teased, rubbing his nose against yours, heating up the blood in your body. And you prayed he wouldn’t see the slight sheen of sweat that had started to form against your hairline.

“Like you’re home?”

“Yes” The simple three letter word, sent you into a frenzy and you once again kissed him. This time with more fever than the last, because in Seokmin’s arms you finally felt like you could fall.

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simpleserendipity · 3 years

Text

Drive Safely then | Calum Hood | Mature

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader (friends with benefits, college calum)

Warning: smut, talk about sex, blow job

Word count: 2,301 words

You sit, clicking your pen, again and again, waiting for the bell to ring in your last period class, History. Your history teacher drones on about something, a war maybe? You couldn’t help but let your mind drift to thinking about Calum, you kept thinking of the feeling of his hands sliding up your skirt slowly or his mouth trailing your body. You shake your head, turning your attention back to reality. You pull out your phone and start a text to Calum. It's been a full year since your arrangement with Calum started. You were a junior and he was a senior when it started. Now he’s in university and you’re finishing your senior year. He's a well-known soccer player at the local university and you're what you would call a slut at the local high school. You decided that it's beneficial for both of you, instead of sleeping around, you can just call each other for a hookup anytime. You could avoid the high school boys with their gossip and he could avoid the drama of girls wanting to be the girlfriend of the star player. It was exciting seeing an older boy with his own apartment because it wasn’t just hooking up in cars or bedrooms with families downstairs.

ME: What are you doing after school?

You set your phone on your thigh waiting for a response. You feel your phone vibrate quickly after.

CAL: Want me to pick you up?

You smiled.

ME: I hoped you would say that.

CAL: I'll be outside.

You set your phone down on your thigh and start to pack up your things. You had two minutes till class was over, it was the longest two minutes of your life, knowing that you could see Calum after this. It’s been two weeks since you last saw each other, you had gone longer without seeing him but recently you’ve been itching to see him. You just wanted to go see Calum. The bell rang and you got up as fast as you could. You were the first out of the classroom and you went storming down the hallway.

"Oooh ______ is practically running, she never does that," Your best friend says as he follows me down the hall, "Unless ______ is on her way to hook up with a certain someone..." He laughs. It wasn’t like it was a total secret but you didn’t want anyone to start talking about your relationship with Calum.

You flip him off, "Maybe I am," You laugh with an eye roll, "I'll talk to you later, Love you."

"Alright, love you." He laughs and goes in a different direction.

You get out the front of the school and down the steps. You had to hold yourself back from skipping to his car because of how excited you are. You head straight into the parking lot not stopping for anyone even after you hear people calling your name, waving hands at you. You see Calum's black truck, parked in the front row with the engine running. Calum sat in the driver's seat, on his phone. You get to the car and hop in. You throw your backpack on the floor and get buckled. You look over and see he’s wearing his soccer warm-ups with a beaning on his head, he must have come from practice this morning. Calum often picks you up from school since it’s the easiest place to meet him without getting questions from your parents.

"Took you fucking long enough," He leans over and kisses you slowly, just enough to tease you a bit he breaks apart and starts the car, “I was about to leave you here.” He snaps, you knew he didn’t mean it but you loved when he was like this and he knew that.

"Sorry Calum," You hummed lightly, shifting to press your thighs together, embarrassed of how turned on his simple words could make you, "I was on the opposite side of the school."

“Of course you were.” He rolls his eyes.

“I was,” You defend yourself quickly, “How was your day?”

Calum laughs, “Fine, boring as hell.” His hand finds a place on your knee,

“How was your day?”

“It was alright,” You shift lightly so the denim skirt you had worn today slid up,

“Pretty boring. I was thinking about you in class today.” You leaned closer to the center console.

“What did you think about?” Calum’s thumb traces circles around your knee.

“You want to know?” You giggled.

“Tell me what you were thinking about, baby girl.”

“Well,” You leaned across the console, pressing your chest against his arm, “I was thinking about how your hands would feel going up my skirt and the things your fingers can do to me or how your mouth feels on my skin or the way you taste.” You sit back in your seat as he backs out of the parking spot.

"Fuck," he mutters and moves a hand right to your inner thigh, fingers tracing circles around the soft flesh, "I can't wait to get out of here."

"Me either," You move his hand off of you.

"What the hell?" He turns and looks at me with shock, not used to you rejecting his advances in a moment like this.

"Shut up." You tell him, pulling your hair out of your face.

“What the hell do you mean ‘shut up’?” He snaps, looking around at the cars surrounding us as we wait in the afterschool traffic.

“I said shut up.” You repeat yourself as you unbuckle and move your hands over to his jeans. You move your hand over to palm him for a moment and he lets out a slight groan. You move to the waistband of his sweats.

You pull his dick out of the sweats slowly, "______, we’re literally still in the school parking lot..." He laughs, “You’re so eager today aren’t you?”

"I can't help yourself, it’s been two weeks," You said before you leaned down to kitten lick the tip, "I just want you now." You continued to lick slowly around the tip.

"Fuck," he groans as you took him in your mouth, "You're gonna get it later, baby girl." He takes one hand from the steering wheel and tugs at your hair. You moan as his grip on your hair tightens. You bob your head up and down at a tantalizing pace as he exits the parking lot. Finally moving at a regular speed compared to the way the car crawled through the parking lot earlier.

Calum drove very fast, probably going way above the speed limit, "Cal?" You pull off all the way and his hand comes away from your hair.

“Yes, baby?” He asks, turning to look at you before turning back to the road.

"You're going way over the speed limit aren't you?" You look up through your eyelashes.

"The faster you get to your house the faster I’ll get to feel that sweet body of yours on mine, baby girl." He shrugs and smirks. You smile and push your thighs further together at his words. Calum’s hand comes back into your hair and you go back to sucking him off. You feel his grip on your hair tighten, a sign that he is close, “I’m so fucking close.” He groans, “You’re gonna fucking kill us if you continue.”

You popped up for a minute, “Drive safely then.” You leaned back down before you giggled against his cock, the vibrations made him lose it. He finishes in your mouth. You pull up and look at him while swallowing. You carefully put his dick back in his pants for him, leaning back into your seat.

"You're so gonna get it..." You giggle and he pulls up in front of his apartment building. He parked in the spot next to one of his roommates, Ashton. It seems like Ashton is the only roommate here right now since Michael and Luke’s cars are missing.

You hop out of the car and leave your backpack in the car. You meet Calum at the front of the car. His arm wraps around your waist, hand resting loosely on your hip as he guides you up the stairs to your apartment. You get up the stairs and you get to the door and he unlocks the door with his free hand. Calum pushes the door open and you go in first with him following you. You get inside and head down the familiar hall, landing on the very last bedroom. You throw the door open, Calum coming in right after. You get into his room and toss off your shirt and shuck your shoes to the side before he even closes the door. He shuts the door, tosses his shirt to the side, and comes behind you. Calum puts his hands on your hips as his lips find your neck softly peppering around before finding the sweet spot below your ear. As soon as his lips touched that spot, you leaned your head back into his chest with a moan. He sucks on that spot a bit, sure to leave a purple mark behind which made you groan in annoyance. Your hands are busy unbuttoning your skirt, once the skirt is unbuttoned, you peel it off leaving you in a black lace bralette and red lace underwear. You mentally kicked yourself for not wearing a matching set today. His hands and lips detach from your body momentarily as he pulls his shirt off. Calum’s hands returned to your hips and moved around to get your underwear off. His lips moving to the base of your neck, definitely marking you up again.

Calum pulls back to look at you, “What is it with you and always wearing lace?” He eyed you up and down before returning to your neck, not waiting for an answer.

“I like it.” That was all you said between broken moans.

Calum pulls off of you, spinning you around to look you in the eye. You pull his sweats down slowly, you lean in and start kissing his neck. Calum pulls you off and walks you back, your knees hitting the bed before your back hits the mattress. He lies you on your back before he leans back in and begins kissing your neck as he hovers over you. You tangle your hands in his hair, biting your lip to suppress your moans, not wanting to be so loud since Ashton was still there. After a moment you pushed Calum over so that he lied on his back. You swung one leg over his hips so that you were straddling him with your hands resting on his chest.

He bites his lip and looks at you, "God I love this," He puts his hands on your hips, fingers digging into your hips, enough to leave bruises tomorrow. You didn’t understand his need to mark you up every time he touched you and it annoyed the hell out of you but no matter what you said, he would always claim it was an accident. You should’ve stopped to chastise him right then but you were more excited to get onto it. You kiss his lips quickly, then you move down his jaw, neck, and down his chest, to the hem of his boxers. You put your fingers on the edge and stop to look at him, "You are desperate to please today aren’t you?” He teases.

“It’s been too long.” You huffed.

“Well then,” He crosses his hands behind his head, “Don't let me stop you then." Calum shoots you a shit-eating grin.

"I won't," You smile as you begin to pull the hem down slowly, you're interrupted by a knock on the door. The knock startles both of you and you scramble off of Calum. You pull a pillow in front of your chest to hide from the person at the door and sit on your knees as he gets up angrily.

He cracks the door slightly, "What?" He spits through his teeth, you peek around him to see Ashton standing there.

"Dude don't yell at me," Ashton scoffs, "I just came to tell you that coach just called a mandatory meeting tonight so I would get dressed."

"Fuck," Calum turns to look at you, you worldlessly get up, scrambling to get dressed, "Thank you, Ash." Ashton nods before leaving. You pulled your shirt over your head again. Then you wrap your skirt around you, buttoning it quickly.

“This bites.” You groaned as you turned back to see him buttoning his pants. You finished buttoning your skirt. He slipped his t-shirt back on.

You bent over to slide your shoes on as he comes over behind you and puts his hands on your hips, "I’m sorry we got interrupted, I'll call you tonight?”

“Yeah, whatever.” You groaned as you knew that he wouldn’t call and it might be another week before you see him again.

“I’m sorry,” Calum rolls his eyes, “I didn’t think that coach would call a meeting this late.”

“It’s fine,” You huff and try to roll it off, only Calum can tell how irritated you are, “Don’t worry about it.” You turned to walk out only for Calum’s hand to catch yours.

“Actually baby,” He pulls you chest to chest with him, “How about you stay and I’ll make the meeting quick?” He says with his lips ghosting yours, “Or maybe I won’t go at all.”

You leaned forward and locked your lips moving softly, “You should go,” You said as you pulled off, “But I’ll definitely be here when you get back if you can make it quick.” You leaned in kissing his lips again before he pulled away with a smirk on his lips, heading for the door.

#calum #calum hood #calum 5sos #calum hood imagine #calum hood fic #calum hood blurb #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum imagine #5sos imagine #5sos #5 seconds of summer #5sos fic #ashton irwin #luke hemmings #michael clifford #calum smut #calum hood smut #calum x reader

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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 4 years

Text

no grave can hold my body down – 2/2

Character: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Summary: It took time to get Jason Todd away from the darkness. Sometimes it felt like he was always standing at a tipping point, at risk of completely losing himself. But not when he was with her. She made him better and she would continue to make him better.

Word Count: 9,000

A/N: I know there are a lot of contradicting opinions on Jason Todd’s height. But for my own wish fulfillment, he is 6′3/6′4ish in this fic.

Part 1

Y/N had fallen asleep after getting home from work. She had a long day and was so exhausted that she passed out as soon as she sat down on the couch. Jason had to take off her heels and drape a blanket over her.

Now he was dressed in his armored undershirt, cargo pants, leather jacket, and tactical boots. His red helmet was tucked under his arm, but he was already wearing a domino mask. If Bruce had taught him anything, it was to be prepared to a point of paranoia.

He crouched down to his knees.

Ever so gently, he brushed Y/N’s cheek.

“Y/N,” he whispered.

She stirred and winced a bit when she opened her eyes, the glare of the quiet television was suddenly harsh.

“What’s going on?” She asked, still half asleep.

“Nothing. Go back to sleep. I just wanted to tell you I’m leaving to go on patrol.”

“Mhmm. OK.” She hummed. “Be careful, J.”

If Y/N ever found out how un-careful the Red Hood was, she would never sleep and she’d probably beg Jason to quit his vigilantism.

“I love you,” he told her before kissing her on the forehead.

“Love you, too,” she said back so dreamily that it sounded like she was talking in her sleep.

Jason slipped out of the window. He purposely chose this apartment due to the direction the windows faced, the distance from approximate apartments, and the darkness that would prevent any wandering eyes from the neighbors.

He’d been patrolling for a few hours. It was oddly a quiet night. He assumed it had to do with how cold it was outside. Sometimes criminals were weak in the most obvious ways.

Jason was standing on a rooftop, taking a breather when he felt someone drop behind him. He knew his family all too well and could differentiate all of their footsteps. Which was why he didn’t immediately shoot Dick when he thought he’d try and surprise him.

“So, Y/N was quite the hit…” Dick said without giving Jason a proper greeting first.

“What are you still doing in town?” Jason answered.

Dick sighed. “B still needs a little help on the case.”

Jason nodded, not actually caring why Dick was still in Gotham.

Then an awkward silence washed over them. Well, Dick thought it was awkward. Jason couldn’t care less.

“Why won’t you talk about her with us?” Dick’s teasing was gone and his tone serious now.

Jason turned his head away from the city view and finally acknowledged his brother. “You don’t need to know anything about her,” his helmet distorted his words to make them sound even harsher than they already were.

“Doesn’t seem like she completely shares that view.”

Jason didn’t respond. He didn’t appreciate Dick speaking on Y/N’s behalf.

“Bruce seems to like her,” Dick added.

Jason’s head snapped to him. “As if I give a fuck,” he snapped.

Dick had the audacity to laugh. “How did the two of you meet anyway? She was living in New York City when the two of you first met, right?”

“Jesus,” Jason growled. “Did all of you run a background check on her?”

Dick shrugged. “What did you expect?”

————

Y/N didn’t have any idea where she was going. With the sun having already set, she couldn’t even figure out what direction she was headed.

But she had typed the address to her hotel into the Uber app and trusted it from there. She was also too preoccupied still answering the dozens of work emails on her phone.

“Hey lady, we’re here,” the driver said rudely after she didn’t realize they had stopped.

“Oh, sorry!” She said, writing the last few words of a sentence before pressing send.

She jumped out of the car and yelled a thanks before slamming the door shut.

To her surprise, the car raced off without a second’s hesitation.

But when Y/N turned around, she realized she was definitely not in the right place. And for the first time throughout the drive, she realized she was definitely in a bad area.

Y/N heard all of the terrible things about Gotham. Sometimes she wondered if the things about all of the crime were exaggerated by the news or if the city was really rotting from the inside like everyone said. What she definitely didn’t believe in was all the vigilantes that seemed to be protecting the city. No one could ever offer up any proof, even with every single human having a video camera in their hands at all times.

But now she wishing she’d taken people’s warnings a little bit more seriously.

This was definitely not Gotham Heights, where her nice hotel was located.

“Fuck,” she muttered as she whipped out her phone and instantly tried to call another Uber. But the app was being finicky and she was getting a loading screen for far too long.

Then she heard a group of men whistle at her. The streets were filled with literal dumpster fires. There were countless inoperable cars with broken windshields and without wheels. The only women she spotted looked like they were working the streets.

‘Walk, Y/N. Just walk. Act like you know where you’re going.’ Her brain was screaming at her.

So she did while remaining on high alert.

No matter how much she pretended to blend in, she was obviously out of place and sticking out like a sore thumb.

Her heart was racing and she tried to walk as fast as she could without fully running. She just hoped to get to a main street soon and try to catch a yellow cab, since apparently all her car-service apps decided not to work.

But suddenly, a man stepped onto the sidewalk, blocking Y/N’s path forward.

“You lost, sweetheart?” He cooed.

Y/N stopped and started backing away. But when she turned around, she saw that two men were waiting behind her.

“No need to be scared,” the same men said behind her, closer this time. “We just want to talk.”

‘Fuck this,’ Y/N thought before she decided to make a run for it.

But one of them grabbed her and shoved her to the side, pushing her into the alleyway she hadn’t realized they were right next to.

It was so dark that she could hardly make out the silhouettes of her attackers. But that wasn’t going to stop her from fighting. She immediately tried to shove past anyone in her vicinity and hit whoever was grabbing her.

“Get the fuck away from me!” She screamed, hoping that there was someone in this poisoned city that would try and help her.

Except she was outnumbered by three men, which ended in her getting shoved up the brick wall that lined the alley.

“I don’t have any money,” she gasped as a last ditch effort to save herself.

“Who said we wanted your money?” One of them chuckled darkly.

Before their words could hearten Y/N to try another defensive attack and escape, there was a strange zipping sound that echoed down into the alley.

Next thing Y/N knew, the man that was pressed up against her and pinning her to wall was flung off.

Y/N gasped and tried to get her eyes to adjust to the darkness enough so she could actually see what the hell was happening.

“It’s the hood!” One of the men yelled to his friends before making a run for it.

Then a gun was fired off – two shots.

Y/N yelped at the noise and covered her ears.

But when she looked back up, the man who had tried to escape was now on the ground, screaming in pain as he looked down at both of his knee caps that had been shot.

When Y/N turned her attention to the other two men, she finally saw who had interrupted their assault.

It was a man – if that was even what he was – dressed in military gear of some sort. But what really caught her attention was the red helmet that was reflecting the night light and allowing her to actually follow what was happening.

Y/N watched as he punched the daylights out of one of her attackers. She saw the man’s face get more and more covered with blood with each punch.

If Y/N was scared before, she was now terrified.

Without hesitating any longer, she too made a run for it, hoping she wouldn’t be shot like the other runaway.

She sprinted around the corner. But she only got a few yards before the same behemoth landed in front of her.

He was tall, and had to be at least 6’3. Men were confusingly short in New York, so Y/N was still trying to wrap her mind around having to tilt her head slightly up. But then she realized it wasn’t even his height that was jarring; it was how utterly hulking he was. His shoulders were so wide and his chest was massive. His thighs seemed to be the same width has her entire torso.

Everything about him was intimidating and imposing.

“I gotta give you credit for being that fast while wearing heels,” he said to her as he glanced down at her shoes.

It wasn’t exactly comforting that his voice seemed to also be distorted by the helmet.

Y/N was frozen in fear, truly not knowing what he was capable of or even what he wanted.

“You can relax. I’m not gonna hurt you,” he told her with his hands raised. His guns were no longer in his grip, but in their holsters at his thighs.

“You just killed three men,” Y/N told him with a shaky voice as she took a step back.

“I didn’t kill them. But if you want me to, I’d be happy to go back there and finish the job.”

“What? No!” Y/N cried out.

He had the audacity to chuckle at her reaction.

“Where exactly did you think you were going?” He asked her.

“This whole damsel-in-distress thing is new for me. But I thought it made sense to run away from the guy who was shooting people,” she told him quickly.

Jason was grateful that his mask hid all his emotions and facial expressions, because he was smiling at her sass.

He looked her up and down, taking in her outfit and just her overall look. “You’re not from around here, are you?”

“What gave me away?”

He shrugged, ignoring the question. “What the hell are you doing in The Bowery? This is the most dangerous neighborhood in Gotham.”

“My Uber dropped me off here. I thought I was at my hotel and by the time I figured out I wasn’t, my driver had already sped away and left me for dead.”

He took a step toward her. “What’s a gal like you doing in Gotham?”

“I work for an art gallery in New York. But there was an event that I had to attend. I’ve been here all weekend.”

Why was she telling him any of this?

Jason nodded in understanding. “Come on,” he told her.

“W-What?” She asked nervously.

“You’re not gonna get a car in this area. You should report the driver who brought you here in the first place. He knew better.”

He walked past her.

Y/N looked around her, trying to figure out if she even had any other option. She knew he was right about a car, which was probably why she’d gotten a loading screen for all of them when it realized her location.

Yes, he was technically a masked criminal. But he did just save her life, no matter how terrifying it was to watch.

Y/N decided she didn’t have much of a choice.

Before she could move, a motorcycle was being pulled up alongside her.

Y/N eyed it for a moment.

“What’s your name?” She asked him, as if it would make the situation any safer.

“Red Hood,” he told her.

Y/N nodded, not surprised that it didn’t make her feel any better. She realized she was in no position to ask for his real identity. She knew enough about vigilantes to understand that they only survived from hiding their true selves from the criminals they fought and the law enforcement who thought what they were doing was wrong.

“Where are you staying?” He asked her.

“Crest Hill Hotel,” she told him.

“Fancy,” he teased. “Hop on.”

Y/N hesitated before following his instructions. She sat awkwardly on the back of the motorcycle, unsure of what to do.

“You’re gonna want to hold on, beautiful.” He told her over his shoulder as he revved the engine.

Y/N tried to ignore the heat that rushed to her face as he called her ‘beautiful,’ and then she tried to ignore how wide and strong his torso felt as she reached to hold on.

It took 20 minutes to get to her hotel, proving that the Uber driver really hadn’t given a crap about how incorrect her original address had been.

Jason had decided to drop her off in the back entrance to avoid a scene of the infamous Red Hood dropping off an average citizen. He didn’t need that type of attention and Y/N shouldn’t be tied to him in any way.

Y/N got off the motorcycle with a surprising grace and turned to him.

“Thank you for…saving me,” she told him gently.

“It was nothing,” he told her.

Y/N just watched him for a moment, wondering what he looked like under that red helmet and without all the armor.

“What’s your name?” He surprised her by asking.

“Y/N. Y/F/N Y/L/N.”

She didn’t know why she felt comfortable giving her surname. But it just came out.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. Though, I wish it had been under better circumstances.”

Y/N suddenly dug into her purse, making sure she still had her phone and even just the key to her hotel room.

“Fuck,” she muttered without realizing it.

“What is it?” Jason asked.

“Nothing. I just…it sounds stupid, but I have a little notebook to write down ideas for – well, for my artwork. But it must’ve fallen out back in that alleyway when those guys shoved me against the wall.”

When she looked up at him, it was impossible to know what he was thinking.

“Anyways, thank you again.” She turned to finally walk away.

“Y/N?”

She shouldn’t love how much she loved the sound of him saying her name.

Y/N turned around.

“Stay close to the hotel. Gotham is different than New York City.”

She nodded.

————————

“So, when did you see her again?” Dick questioned after he listened to Jason’s retelling.

“I was helping out a friend with a job in NYC. Things got ugly. I may or may not have been shot when I showed up at her window. Her apartment was in the area and I needed a place to lay low.”

Dick laughed. “Uh huh. Sure you did.”

Jason ignored him. “Anyways, I’d gone back to the alley that night and found that notebook she was talking about, and gave it to her to make up for bleeding all over her couch.”

“Always the romantic,” Dick teased.

Their conversation came to a halt. Instead of talking, they both listened to the city noises that Gotham brought.

“Listen, Jason, I know I did a poor job of being there for you and actually acting like a brother. And I also know you haven’t always been my biggest fan.”

Jason stayed quiet.

“But you deserve to be happy. And we both know Y/N does that.” Dick sighed. “But you don’t talk about her with us and you kept her from even just meeting us after years of you two dating. If we weren’t all noisy and paranoid, we wouldn’t know a thing about her.”

“What’s your point, Dick?” Jason asked roughly.

“No one ever wants to acknowledge this, especially you…but you’re more like Bruce than any of us. And you’ve seen how he pushes people away, keeping them at a distance. Y/N wants to be a part of your life, your whole life. And that includes all of us – whether you like it or not. So, what I’m saying is you don’t have to hide her from us.”

Dick knew not to expect a response from Jason. So he left him where he found him and gave him his space once again.

Jason didn’t have anything to say anyway.

Dick’s words made him angry more than anything. Because he knew they were true. Yes, he saw how Bruce behaved with women. It was promiscuous and casual, because anything else was too close for comfort. Bruce’s priority would always be Batman. And Bruce knew that no significant other deserved his lack of commitment – no matter how much they might love each other.

—————

Y/N was doing her nightly routine and applying moisturizer to her face when she heard it. She could be acting paranoid, but her instincts were telling her something was off.

No, someone was here.

Jason made a point of being loud and immediately announcing when he got home as to not scare her. So, it couldn’t be him.

As quietly as possible, Y/N tiptoed out of the bathroom and to her side of the bed where she kept a titanium baseball bat. Jason had offered her multiple times to teach her how to shoot a gun. But Y/N wanted nothing to do with them.

With the bat in hand, Y/N snuck her way to the living room where she heard the sound.

She had turned off all the lights, making it hard for her to see clearly.

But she did see a large mass standing in the middle of her living room. With just a bit of hesitation, Y/N swung the bat. But the intruder caught the bat, stopping her attack.

They stepped into the moonlight, finally allowing Y/N to see that it was Batman in his full uniform, cowl still on.

“What the fuck. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” Y/N snapped at him.

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Bruce defended.

But Y/N was still irritated. “Jason isn’t here.”

“I know. I came to talk to you.”

She froze. “Me?”

“I need a favor.”

Y/N narrowed her gaze. “I highly doubt I could do anything to help you.”

“You’re wrong. This has to do with your job. You work at The Drago House.”

Y/N tilted her head and crossed her arms. “Yes.”

“It’s owned by the Ibanescu family. They use it as a front for human trafficking.”

Y/N shook her head. “That can’t be possible…”

“Don’t underestimate the crime families of Gotham, Y/N.”

“So, why do you need me?”

“There are files and codecs that would decipher who their buyers are and where they hold auctions around the world. Nothings digital. They’re old school. With that information, we could shut done their operation forever.”

Y/N’s face was serious now. “What do you need me to do?”

“You have always had access to all the information. You just never knew it. All I need is for you to scan the files.”

She now looked at him suspiciously. “Don’t they say you're the world’s greatest detective? I find it hard to believe that you’d have problems breaking into the gallery after hours to get them for yourself…”

“It’s only completely lockdown as soon as it closes every night. Their security system is high-end and resets every 24 hours. Could we get into it eventually? Yes. But we’ve already been at it for weeks. And we’ve received word that there’s a big…” He hesitated. “…shipment happening any day. We don’t have time to waste.”

Y/N thought about what he was telling her.

“Why didn’t you go to Jason?” She finally asked.

“You said Jason doesn’t tell you what to do.”

Y/N glared at him for using her own words against her.

The apartment went quiet again.

Then Y/N nodded slowly. “There’s an opening tomorrow night. I can get them then.”

—————

Dick’s words haunted Jason for the rest of the night. He wanted to cut patrolling early and just get back to Y/N.

Now he swiftly moved into his apartment from the fire escape and immediately took off his helmet and domino mask underneath.

But Jason froze when he saw Y/N’s bat in the middle of the living room.

His heart raced at the immediate assumption that something happened to her. The furniture was untouched and there were no other signs of trouble, but he still rushed towards the bedroom anyway.

“Y/N?” He called out, despite it being nearly 4AM.

He let out a sigh of relief when he found Y/N slowly waking up from their bed.

“J?” She murmured, half asleep.

“Y/N, why is the bat in the living room?” Jason asked as he rubbed his face and then sat on the edge of the bed near her. Without even thinking, he cupped her cheek.

She rubbed her eyes, trying to wake up more. “I thought I heard something and freaked myself out. But it was nothing.”

“Y/N, how many times do I have to tell you? Call me when shit like that happens.”

“But it was nothing,” she repeated. “What?” She added with a sigh when he was giving her that disapproving look.

“I don’t care if it ends up being nothing. If you’re scared, then I’m going to be here. OK?” Then he finalized his point with a quick kiss to her lips.

She nodded. “OK.”

Then she looked him up and down, realizing that he was still completely in his Red Hood gear, only without his helmet.

“You OK?” She asked in a whisper. Her eyes already scanning his body for any obvious injuries.

“I’m fine,” Jason sighed. “I was just worried about you when I saw the bat. I thought something…”

Y/N quickly sat up in bed. “Hey, hey, hey. I’m fine. I’m OK. I was just being paranoid. I should’ve put the bat back. I’m sorry.”

A comfortable and reassuring silence settled between them.

“Why don’t you take a shower and come to bed?” Y/N offered softly.

Jason nodded and kissed her again.

As soon as he was out of the room, Y/N ran a hand over her face.

She hated lying to Jason. He didn’t deserve it. But she also knew he wouldn’t let her anywhere near an operation that Bruce was trying to pull off. This had to be the same thing that Tim had pulled Jason aside for at the gala.

But Bruce made one thing clear: he needed her help. And he wouldn’t do so if he wasn’t desperate.

———————-

The next night, Y/N couldn’t stop sweating and her heart rate was out of control. She tried to act like this was just another day of work, greeting customers, explaining the pieces, and answering questions.

But the need to get into the back offices when everyone else was gone would not stop nagging her.

With shaky hands, she tapped her ID on the scanner. Usually at this point in an event, all of her colleagues were either on the floor or had called it the end of their work day and headed home.

By some miracle, that was exactly the case.

Y/N locked the door behind her, never having seen a purpose for doing so any other day of working at the gallery.

“OK. OK. OK. Breathe,” she muttered to herself as her eyes scanned the room.

She knew where all the files were in the room. And Bruce had given her the keys to knowing what to look for. Now it was just a matter of putting the two together.

Y/N instantly went to work and started shuffling through papers, finding what was needed.

Bruce had given her a special pen that would scan every file within a second no matter what angle it was pointed at, so Y/N wouldn’t have any suspicious photos on her cellphone.

Y/N was almost done, covered in sweat and with shaking hands, when the door started jiggling.

She swore her heart was about to burst out of her chest.

With pure adrenaline, Y/N quickly put back the files that were in her hand.

But the person on the other side of the door was clearly getting impatient quickly and continued to mess with the doorknob.

Y/N jumped when it was finally kicked open. She whipped around to stare at a man who was nearly the size of Jason, but looked far deadlier. She’d never seen him at the gallery before, which meant he was definitely part of Ibanescu’s gang.

“Can I help you?” She snapped rudely, trying to use her authority to hide her fear.

“What are you doing in here?” He accused.

“I work here. Who the hell are you?”

He ignored her question. “Why was the door locked?”

“You still haven’t told me who you are,” Y/N shot back.

And with that, she straightened her posture and started walking past him. But this man wasn’t as stupid as he looked. Just as she thought she’d slipped away, the man grabbed her by the arm.

“Excuse me,” Y/N hissed.

But he ignored her and started dragging her into the back storage area of the gallery and further away from the crowd.

Y/N tried to rip her arm from his grasp but his grip was vice-like and didn’t even seem fazed by her efforts to escape.

This was not good.

While Y/N was still hopeful that she could possibly talk her way out, she was also realistic.

Which is why she hit a button on her watch.

Jason had gifted it to her very early on in their relationship. It was a classic chronograph watch. But he had installed a panic button onto it.

“If something ever happens – even if you think you’re being overly cautious – you push this and it will send out a signal that I can track. I’ll be there before you know it.” That’s what he had told her when he gifted it, and she’d worn it every day since.

A few seconds later, Y/N was being shoved through the door that led to the back alley.

There was a group of men, just as large and intimidating as the one who still had a grip on her arm.

It was pouring rain and freezing outside. But the slight overhand of the building into the alley protected them slightly.

“What the fuck is this?” One of them asked.

“I found her snooping around in the offices,” he announced.

“I’m one of the directors of this gallery!” Y/N bit back. “I was checking the price points on pieces for a potential customer.”

“The door was locked,” the man added.

They all seemed to be looking at each other.

Y/N was frozen, trying to wait for the perfect moment to make a run for it.

But then she saw one of the men, who appeared to be in charge, eye the pen that was clipped to the pocket of her pants. She prayed that he was too stupid to think it was anything more than just a writing utensil.

But then he slowly walked up to her. He grabbed the pen from her pocket and inspected it.

Y/N swore time froze. She couldn’t hear anything. She couldn’t feel the tight grip on her arm that was surely going to bruise her.

Then the man’s gaze shifted from the pen to her eyes.

“Get her in the car,” he told the group.

Y/N’s heart dropped.

Without hesitating, she immediately started to fight the man holding her. With a swift motion, she kneed him hard in the groin, making him let out a growl and keel over. But he dropped his grip on her arm.

Despite wearing heels, she made a run for it. She didn’t get far, but she got far enough into the rain that she was already drenched.

Another man grabbed her, shoving her against the building and clenching her throat to a point of suffocation.

“You stupid bitch,” her original captor spat as he backhanded her across the face.

Y/N blinked as a ringing started in her ears and her face stung with pain.

“Get her in the car before you make a fuckin’ scene,” the leader warned.

But before they could respond to the command, the street lights went out, causing a surge of darkness to blind all of them.

Y/N tried to step away from her attackers as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. But she couldn’t see a damn thing. The pouring rain was only making it more impossible.

It wasn’t until one of the men cried out in pain and guns started firing that she could see anything. Except it was too fast for her to make out a clear picture. Every so often, a lightning strike or a muzzle flash would give her a short glimpse.

Lo and behold, Batman was taking out the men one by one. But every time Y/N’s eyes focused on his tall silhouette, he’d disappear. She couldn’t keep track of his movements. And apparently neither could any of Ibanescu’s men.

“Shoot the girl!” One of the men yelled.

Y/N’s eyes widened when two of the men turned their guns on her.

But just before they fired off their rounds, a small force tackled her to the side and behind the safety of a giant dumpster.

Y/N looked up to see a young boy shielding her with his own body.

Damian.

Things were so chaotic that she hadn’t even registered he was there, too.

Before she could say anything to him, there was another presence that dropped down beside her. The next second, she was being grabbed and pulled into the sky.

From the feel of his arms alone, Y/N immediately recognized it as Jason.

His grappling gun had brought them to the roof of the building.

Once their feet were grounded onto the roof, Jason barely stepped away and grabbed her shoulders.

Y/N couldn’t read his face from his helmet. But the subtle movements of his head made it clear that he was scanning her body to see if she’d been hit. It only took a few seconds to be convinced that she was clear.

Then he was grasping her face. “Stay here,” he told her before he used his grappling gun to vault back down into the alleyway.

Y/N ran to the edge of the room to look down.

When Jason returned to the fight below, he was ruthless.

Damian had seen the Red Hood with a vengeance many a time. But this… this was something different.

No bone was left unbroken.

Jason wasn’t just neutralizing these men…he was out for blood and pain.

The leader of the little gang was on his knees, covered in his own blood, when he looked up at Jason, who had a gun pointed just centimeters from his head.

“Red Hood, no!” Bruce growled as he threw a batarang, knocking Jason’s gun away from its almost-victim.

Jason whipped his head around. “They were going to kill her!”

“I wasn’t going to let that happen,” Bruce countered.

While they talked, Damian knocked out the man Jason almost murdered. By now, all of them were knocked unconscious or so injured that they couldn’t even open their eyes.

Jason’s entire body froze, realizing what had really happened. Bruce and Damian didn’t just happen to be there to save his girlfriend. This was their doing. They were the ones who had put her in this dangerous situation to begin with.

“What the fuck did you do?” Jason thundered.

Just as a flash of lightening struck, he turned to face Bruce, finding his new prey.

“She had an in and I asked her to use it,” Bruce explained evenly. “She agreed.”

“Of course she fucking agreed!” Jason yelled over the rain. “She’d never say no to helping! And you knew that, and you took advantage of it!”

Then he raised his gun, pointing it at Bruce.

“Put the gun down, Red Hood.”

“Fuck you,” Jason hissed.

The next thing Y/N knew, Jason shot a bullet towards Bruce, causing her to let out a yell from above. In her heart she knew he hadn’t aimed to kill, but Bruce dodged the shot anyway.

Now the two men were fully fighting each other. Bruce seemed to be pulling his punches and just trying to remain on the defense. But Jason wanted revenge. Yes, Bruce and him had a dark history. But putting Y/N in danger erupted something inside Jason that made him see red in a way he never had before.

Just as Y/N was going to call out for Jason to stop, she heard someone drop beside her on the roof.

Dick stood a few feet away, standing tall in his Nightwing uniform.

“Dick, do something!” She begged.

“I can stop Bats, but I can’t stop him,” he told her.

“Then get me the fuck down there! Use your zip-line thingy!”

“Zip-line thingy?” Dick repeated, clearly offended. “This is a grappling–”

“Dick!” Y/N cut him off.

“Right, sorry.” He grabbed her, held her body tight to him, and lowered them down back to the alley.

When Y/N looked up, Bruce was on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

But Jason wasn’t done with him.

“You made it clear that you don’t give a shit about me. But putting the one person I love in danger just for you to solve a case? You’ve reached a new low,” Jason yelled as he slowly started to walk towards Bruce.

But before Jason could reach him, Y/N blocked his path.

She was soaking wet and shivering from both the cold rain and the shock.

Jason could already see the bruises covering her neck and face. He also didn’t miss the small line of blood that had trickled down her nose.

“Jason,” she whimpered. “That’s enough.”

He froze.

Y/N walked to him. “Please, just take me home,” she whispered.

Just seeing her made Jason’s entire body relax. But he was also reminded that she was the priority, not Bruce.

Noticing her shivering, he took off his leather jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

Bruce, Dick, and Damian were barely able to see the short, loving moment before Jason flung a smoke capsule onto the ground, covering him and Y/N as he brought her into his arms.

By the time the smoke disappeared, Jason and Y/N were gone.

—————-

When Jason and Y/N got back to their apartment, Jason when into autopilot mode of nursing Y/N. He pulled her into their bathroom and immediately started helping her out of her wet clothes. Y/N couldn’t stop shaking, and he noticed.

Jason only left her side for the split moment when he turned to start the shower, making sure to make it extra hot.

Then he was right back at her side, taking off his uniform and matching her nudity.

When he gently tugged her into their abnormally large shower, there was nothing sexual about it.

Now that Y/N’s skin was bare to him, he looked at all the injuries she had.

There were a few scrapes that would heal in a week or so. But Jason’s gaze went dark every time they lingered on the bruises across her throat, face, and bicep. He should’ve killed all of those bastards.

Y/N leaned into Jason’s chest. “I’m sorry,” she muttered. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Because she knew that’s what this was. Jason wasn’t mad at her – at least, not yet. That could very much come later. But no, right now, he was scared. He put so much energy into keeping Y/N away from his other life, only for her to be thrown right into the center of it. And it wasn’t even his doing; it was Bruce’s.

“I know,” he bent down to whisper in her ear as he wrapped his arms around her.

Y/N didn’t know how long they stayed in the shower. But eventually Jason turned off the water and wrapped Y/N around in a fluffy white towel. She looked so young and innocent.

He moved her to their bedroom and sat her down on the edge of the bed.

Y/N watched him as he moved about the room, getting each of them clothes – all from his own closet.

“Are you hungry?” He asked her carefully as he handed her a pair of his sweatpants and one of his hoodies.

She shook her head.

Jason wasn’t surprised. One of the side effects of trauma and shock was a loss of appetite. But he made her drink a huge glass of water before he let her get in bed. And he made a mental note to make a big breakfast tomorrow when her body recovered and realized how starving it was.

When they were both finally under the covers, Jason didn’t hesitate to pull Y/N completely in his arms, smothering her with his giant frame. She welcomed his touch and warmth, burying her face into his chest.

Neither of them knew who needed this closeness more.

Tonight had been scary. Y/N knew Jason’s anger was bound to show up at some point. But right now, both of them were just grateful they were okay.

————————-

To Y/N’s surprise, she woke up in bed alone.

But her concern didn’t last long as she heard Jason moving around in the kitchen and she could hear soft music was playing if she listened hard enough.

When Y/N moved to get out of bed, she felt all the soreness that came from being grabbed and thrown around like she was last night. She winced, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. But she made a mental note to hide any signs that she was in pain from Jason.

Over their time together, Y/N and Jason got disturbingly good at reading one another. So, when Y/N walked into the kitchen to find Jason making breakfast, she immediately sensed things were not good. It wasn’t the cooking that tipped her off. His naked back was to her and she could somehow see the tension in his shoulders – in his whole body.

Y/N knows he heard her as soon as she walked into the kitchen.

“There’s coffee,” he says without turning around from the stove. He’s making pancakes. Chocolate chip pancakes, to be precise.

Y/N pours herself some coffee and sits at the table, watching him.

A few minutes pass before she’s had enough of the tension.

“If you’re gonna yell at me, then yell at me,” she told him.

Jason froze for a moment, but then quickly looked at her over his shoulder. “When have I ever yelled at you?”

He had a point.

Yes, Jason was once filled with only rage. There was a reason some feared Red Hood more than the Batman. He was ruthless. Fueled by vengeance, his temper, and his disappointment in the evil that plagued the world. He fought his enemies, but he also fought with his friends and family.

But Jason Todd was none of those things with Y/N. He never lost his temper with her. He never projected his rage and hardships from what he saw as Red Hood onto her. He’d never even raised his voice with her.

“I know,” Y/N admitted. “But I also know you’re still angry.”

Jason sighed, turning off the stove and bringing a giant plate of pancakes to the table.

But Y/N couldn’t eat while having this discussion.

Jason leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You wouldn’t have let me do it,” Y/N countered.

“Yeah, and for good reason.”

“He used you, Y/N.” Jason tried to explain. “You’re untrained… with no exposure to this world. He knew not to involve you and he went behind my back to do it anyway.”

Y/N lowered her head in shame. There was a part of her that felt useless. She couldn’t jump around rooftops and save those who needed it. She was just…normal.

“I just wanted to help,” she mumbled.

Jason leaned forward from seeing her upset. “Y/N, come here.” He reached for her hand and baited her towards him.

She took his offer and moved from her chair to straddle his lap.

Jason held her waist tightly as he pressed his forehead to her’s. “I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered.

“You’re not going to,” she reassured him.

“Please, I’m begging you, don’t ever do something like that again.”

Y/N’s heart hurt at how desperate he sounded. She had realized far too quickly that Jason wasn’t scared of death. He was only scared of her death.

“I promise,” she told him.

“You scared the fucking shit out of me, Y/N.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Jason accepted her apology with a kiss. But it didn’t end quickly. In fact, it got more heated and hungrier. His grip got firmer on her waist.

Y/N knew where this was going, especially as he thumbed the hem of her hoodie and sweatpants. But they both needed this.

“The pancakes, Jason.” She warned him.

Jason smiled as he pulled away from her lips. “Fuck the pancakes,” he told her in between kisses. “I’m takin’ you back to bed.”

—————————

A few weeks had passed since the incident. Y/N tried to get her relationship with Jason back to normal. He still insisted on keeping his vigilante life away from her. But there was more of an understanding for why now.

However, tension had risen again a couple days after the attack, when they received an interesting gift in the mail. They had opened a rather large envelope addressed to the both of them.

Inside were two first-class plane tickets to Paris with their names on them and an open reservation at Hotel Le Royal Monceau.

Y/N had stared at them with more of an understanding than Jason.

She’d looked up at Jason. “I…I told him I’ve always wanted to go to Paris when I first met him at the gala.”

He’d glared at the gift. “Typical Bruce. If he can’t punch his way out of an issue, he’ll try and buy it.”

Neither of them had said anything about actually using tickets and reservation. It just collected dust on one of their end tables.

Now Y/N sat in their apartment alone, reading another one of Jason’s books, when her cell started ringing.

It was a number she didn’t know, but she decided to answer it anyway.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Y/L/N, it’s Alfred Pennyworth,” a charming voice answered back.

Y/N couldn’t help, but smile. As if she knew more than one Alfred in the world. “Hi, Alfred.”

“I thought it would be a good time to give you that lesson you asked for. Are you free today?”

Y/N looked around her apartment. All of her plans for today had consisted of laying around, drinking coffee, doing a bit of reading.

“Yes, today would be great.”

—————

Y/N wouldn’t make the same mistake twice and had given Jason the heads up on her change of plans.

Seeing as Jason had no issue with Alfred, he didn’t seem too bothered bit it all. But he did still tell her to be careful and ended the call with a sincere, “I love you.”

It was strange going back to Wayne Manor when there wasn’t a gala being held there.

Y/N thought it would seem more like a home this time around, but it still felt like a museum to her. And yet, she still had imposter syndrome as she walked through the threshold.

Alfred gave her a warm smile as he opened the door. “It is lovely to see you again, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Alfred, please, it’s just Y/N.”

He nodded. Then he gestured for her to follow him. “Come. I have a station set up in the cave.”

Y/N stuttered to a stop. “Cave? As in the Bat Cave?”

Alfred seemed amused with her hesitation and concern. “Of course.”

“Should I be – Is that even OK?” Y/N fumbled through her question.

“Well, I don’t see the point of hiding it from you. It’s not like you don’t know all the family secrets already, dear.”

Y/N blinked at that and finally continued following him.

Alfred led her through the secret passage way as if he was taking her to the dining room. She tried to control her reactions and not come off too interested in the details of it all. But it was rather hard.

Just like Alfred told her, there was a little medical station set up in a brighter lit area of the dark and dingy cave.

Y/N half expected him to bring up the recent drama that she’d caused. But ever the gentleman, Alfred didn’t so much as mention it.

He also did as he promised, going through everything she could ever need to know while tending to Jason. He even had little models to practice sewing stitches on. He was a good teacher and Y/N was soaking it all up like a sponge.

She couldn’t imagine her going to med school at any point. But knowing these skills were going to be used to help Jason made it easier to retain.

After hours of teaching, the cave awoke as a carport opened and the batmobile sped in.

Y/N internally swore. She’d hoped not to run into Bruce with this visit. He never seemed to be home, so the odds had seemed low. But clearly she’d messed that up.

Bruce stepped out of the car, taking in the two of them.

“Any injuries, Master Wayne?” Alfred asked politely.

Bruce was about to lie, but he glanced down at his abdomen where it was quite obvious he was bleeding.

“Perfect. My pupil can practice on you,” Alfred announced.

Y/N’s eyes widened in panic. “Oh! That’s definitely a bad idea…”

“Nonsense. Best way to learn is under pressure,” he winked. “I shall go off and start dinner. Let me know if you’re near death, Master Wayne.”

Y/N watched him leave, regretting ever having come here.

When she turned back around, Bruce was removing his cowl.

“He’s right,” Bruce admitted. “Best way to learn is under pressure.” Then he moved to sit in the medical chair.

Y/N swallowed, realizing how dry her mouth was. “Right.”

Her hands shook as she tried to remember everything Alfred had been through. But she knew in the back of her mind that Bruce was fully capable of stitching himself up. So, as much as this was a set up from Alfred, Bruce wasn’t running away from it like she had tried to.

Y/N hadn’t said a word as she cleaned his wound, only apologizing when she thought was necessary – even though he never made a sound of pain or even so much as winced.

Bruce seemed to be following her lead, not wanting to force her to talk if she didn’t want to.

But after 20 minutes or so of silence, Y/N couldn’t take it any longer.

“You know, you can’t buy his forgiveness,” she said as she focused on her stitches.

“I wasn’t only looking for his forgiveness…”

Her eyes flickered to meet his awaiting gaze. “You can’t buy mine either.”

“I owe you an apology,” Bruce began to her surprise. “I should have never involved you. It was dangerous, despite how in control of situation I thought I was.”

“I agreed to it,” Y/N offered. Then she looked at him again. “But I accept your apology.”

A moment passed before Y/N asked, “Are you going to say that to him, too?”

“I would if he would even consider talking to me.”

With that comment, Y/N put down her tools for a second and straightened her posture. “I may not know you very well, Bruce. But I do know that you and Jason are more alike than either of you care to admit.”

She hesitated on continuing. Did Bruce even deserve advice from her?

“He was hurt. And he showed all of you that hurt by being angry, because he didn’t know how else to tell you. He doesn’t feel heard and he doesn’t feel seen. He was lost. And it’s hard for him to just forget how you all handled it.” She took in a deep breath. “But I know he still sees all of you as his family. And you’re the closest thing he’s ever had to a real father.”

Then she quickly grabbed her tools again and cleared her throat. “So, get over yourself, and just talk to him. And I mean actually talk to him – not as Batman and Red Hood, but as Jason and Bruce.”

The cave went quiet.

Y/N couldn’t help herself and looked up at Bruce. Either she was losing her mind or he was giving her a very shy smirk.

“What?” She blurted out.

But before he could answer, a motorcycle sped into the cave.

Y/N would recognize Jason’s bike anywhere. But he wasn’t in uniform. Instead, opting for his black leather jacket and a normal tinted motorcycle helmet.

After he took it off, he eyed the two of them, trying to read the room.

“Hey,” Y/N said shyly.

“Figured I’d come and pick you up,” Jason answered her unasked question, ignoring Bruce.

Y/N looked down at Bruce’s injury. “Actually, I’m all done here.”

“Thank you,” Bruce said sincerely as Y/N covered the wound with a bandage. “You’ll be a better nurse than Alfred in no time.”

Y/N grinned and took off her gloves.

But then she met Jason’s unsure gaze. They had a silent conversation.

“I’m gonna go say goodbye to Alfred,” she quickly told Jason, but really she was telling both of them. “Meet me out front when you’re ready?”

Jason hesitated, but nodded.

Y/N walked to him and gave him a quick kiss for comfort and encouragement.

And then she was off, leaving the two men alone.

Jason shifted his weight, not knowing where to start.

“You’re lucky to have her,” Bruce finally spoke.

Jason winced even though it was a compliment. “I don’t deserve her.”

Bruce stood up. “That’s not true.”

“You of all people know I’m not a good man, Bruce.”

He shook his head. “We may have different views on how to save this city. But we both want the same thing. That doesn’t mean you’re not a good man, Jason.”

Jason blinked at his statement.

“I owe you an apology for... a lot,” Bruce began. “The first is putting that girl in danger.” He paused. “The second was not protecting you – before and after everything that happened.”

“You mean before and after I died?” Jason wasn’t going to make this easy for him.

Bruce’s jaw clenched at that.

“Anything else you want to apologize for?” Jason challenged.

“Yes,” Bruce confirmed. “But I get the feeling that you don’t want to hear it all right now.”

There was a pause.

“You’ll always be my son, Jason. Even if you no longer see me as your father.”

Jason’s eyes filled with tears at Bruce’s words. But he held them back. He couldn’t break down. He couldn’t be weak. Not here. Not now. Not like this.

He couldn’t take any more of this discussion. But he knew this was what he’d been wanting to hear from Bruce for so long.

“I’ll see you around, Bruce.” He told him before putting his helmet back on.

But Bruce had one last thing to say. “Keep her close. Don’t be like me, Jason.”

‘Don’t push people who love you away and make this darkness be your only life,’ was what Bruce would never actually have the courage to say.

Jason now had the cover of his helmet to hide his expressions. But he gave Bruce one last glance before tearing out of the cave.

—————

As Jason pulled his motorcycle up to the front of the manor to pick of Y/N, Damian was playing out front with Titus on the gravel drive.

“Hey, Demon Spawn,” Jason greeted after taking off his helmet.

“Todd,” the boy replied coldly.

To his surprise, Jason got off his bike and walked to him with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

Damian eyed him.

“I saw what you did that night. You saved her life,” Jason said.

Damian waited.

Jason held out his hand. “I just wanted to thank you.”

The boy hesitated before finally shaking it.

Jason didn’t expect Damian to say anything. But he did know talking to him like an adult, instead of a kid, was the only way to get through to him.

Then Y/N was walking out to them with Alfred lingering in the doorway.

“Hi, Damian,” she greeted sweetly before greeting his dog as well.

“Hi, Y/N.”

Jason was surprised he even remembered her name.

“Ready to go?” He asked Y/N.

She nodded. But then reached up to touch the white in his hair. She seemed to have a fondness for it. And Jason didn’t seem to mind.

“You OK?” She asked.

He nodded. “Better.”

She gave him a shy but encouraging look. “I’m glad.”

“I love you, you know,” Jason breathed.

“I know,” she smiled.

---------------------------------

Oh lordy. That took way longer than I was expecting. But kept my mind off of this dumpster fire of a country. And I hope reading it did the same for you ❤️

#jason todd #jason todd fic #jason todd x reader #jason todd reader insert #jason todd angst #jason todd fluff #red hood #red hood x reader #red hood fic #red hood reader insert #dick grayson #damian wayne #bruce wayne #batman #batfam #batman universe

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procrastinatorimagines · 4 years

Text

Worry

Fandom: One Chicago

Pairing: Connor Rhodes x Reader

Warning/s: car crash

Word Count: 2,595

Request: Hi! Can I get a Connor x reader? She is Jay’s partner and she gets in an accident during a car chase (Jay isn’t in the car) she gets hurt pretty severely. Kelly is the one who gets her out of the car. Lots of worried fluff from all 3 guys but eventually she ends up being okay.

You and your partner Jay pulled up outside the house, hands on your sidearms, ready for whatever you might find. The stolen vehicle you’d been tracking on the otherside from where you’d parked. This was one of three potential locations of your murder suspect, so Voight had split the unit up to check out each sites. Slowly getting out of the car Jay motioned for you to check out the front while he went to the back. It may have just been the two of you, but you weren’t worried, you were a good team.

It wasn’t long before you reached the front, moving carefully up the steps and peering in the window through a gap in the curtains. You couldn’t see any movement inside, but someone had tossed the place. The house was unoccupied, so you didn’t need a warrant to enter, trying the door when Jay radioed to tell you he was already inside.

That’s when you heard the noise, a loud rustling in the bushes behind you on the side of the house. Turning around you saw a man dart out, he must have climbed out an upstairs window. He tripped a little when he saw you but kept running for the street. “50 21 Sierra, I’ve got eyes on the suspect heading north from our location,” you radioed as you ran, practically jumping down the front steps and engaging in pursuit.

He’d crossed the street by the time you realised that he wasn’t going to be on foot much longer, climbing quickly into the drivers seat of your car as he was already starting to peel of down the road in the stolen car. “Halstead if I don’t go now I’m going to lose him,” you radioed quickly, “he’s no longer on foot, I’m going to pursue.”

“Go, I’ll catch up,” he told you as you were already taking off after your suspect, radioing on the city wide that you were engaging in a high speed pursuit and would need back up as you turned on your lights and siren.

You barely heard Jay radio too, requesting a pick up from his location, too busy making sure you didn’t lose the suspect as he made a sharp turn, radioing in all his moves as you made them. You matched him with ease, not only was his car much older than yours, you were also a pretty damn good driver.

Making your way onto a busier road you watched him frantically swerve in and out of different lanes, dodging cars as best he could in the mid day rush. You were just catching up to him at an intersection, your focus single as you saw the distance between your cars close, hearing the sirens of your back up in the distance. He’d be blocked in soon, you just needed to keep on him...

You didn’t really know what happened next, one second you were mere feet from him, coming up to a set of lights, he’d started to put his foot down and so had you, both realising that the lights were very much green for you.

Then... It was like the world had been flipped over and your senses had been knocked out of your body. Everything was spinning, you couldn’t breath, couldn’t tell what was going on. As soon as it had started, it had stopped, and everything had gone black.

You came to a world upside down, or maybe it was just you, you realised as you cracked your eyes open, trying to make out your surroundings through the broken front window of your car, your hands still gripping the steering wheel. Your head was pounding and you were acutely aware of a warm sensation getting larger and more worrying creeping up your midsection. Oh, you’d crashed.

It was probably the shock, but your first coherent thought was about your suspect, worried that he’d gotten away. You tried to will yourself to focus, to at least assess your person. Sirens sounds were getting closer and closer as you pried your hands off of the steering wheel, your arms heavy as you felt your abdomen, not trusting yourself to move your neck. Your hand felt wet, and as it travelled slowly further down you were met with a hard object, it felt like glass...

Why would there be glass there? You thought, had you been hit? You couldn’t feel it, well, you couldn’t feel the pain, but when you brought your hand up to your face it was slick with blood. That wasn’t good.

The sirens were loud now, and when they shut off you realised that they must have arrived. “Y/N! Y/N!” You heard a voice shout, it sounded like Jay. You were glad he hadn’t been in here with you.

“No! Jay you can’t, it’s not stable, let us pull her out,” another voice said, and was met with arguing and yelling from your partner. Kelly... 51 must have been here. Footsteps approached you as you took shallow breaths, your vision was getting blurry but you tried to stay awake.

“Y/N,” Kelly said cautiously as he reached you, crouching almost completely down to see you through the remains of the front window. You tried to tell him you were still with him, but it came out as incoherent groan. Good enough, you decided, he seemed relieved enough by it. You were alive.

He looked back and shouted something to the others that you couldn’t quite make out before turning back to you. “Hang tight, we’re going to get you out okay?” He tried to sound reassuring as he disappeared, probably to get some equipment to cut you out. ‘Hang tight’, yeah, you quite literally were, there was no where else you could go.

You focused on the sound of saws, they were trying to cut through your door to get you out. It was slow going, something about the structural integrity, but you were feeling more lightheaded by the second and the words were starting to lose meaning. You were aware of Sylvie nearby, she was worried about your injuries, they needed to get you out quickly.

Then you blacked out again. It couldn’t have been for long, because you were still in the car when you came to, but the door was gone and a c collar was being put around your neck as they were trying to figure out how to remove you without and keep the glass in your side stable. It was killing you, but it was also keeping you alive right now.

It smelled funny, you noticed as they grabbed something to secure the glass, beginning to wrap something around you and fasten it in place. You could barely feel it anyway, but you knew as soon as the shock wore off it would hurt like nothing else.

“Hold on Y/N,” Kelly muttered, inspecting the seatbelt situation. If you hadn’t have been wearing it... well you weren’t sure, but you were pretty sure it had saved your life, even if it had apparently sliced your shoulder. Huh, you hadn’t even noticed.

You wanted to tell him that you were trying, but you couldn’t say anything as that smell got some prominent. Were you going crazy? As it turned out no,

“Severide!” You heard Casey yell, “we got to move, the car’s going to go!” He called for everyone else to fall back. Gas.

“I need more time to get her out!” Kelly yelled back frantically, refusing to leave your side. “If we move her too fast-”

“Severide!” A deeper voice, more demanding and in charge, Boden. There was a light forming behind you, fire.

Kelly froze for a split second before meeting your eyes, worry clear as day, before he started quickly cutting you free from the seat belt.

Now, now you felt the pain. As Kelly hauled you out of the wreck of the car by the shoulders, you wondered if the fire had already reached you, because you felt like you were burning. Moments later the car blew, and Kelly shielded you with his body, muttering how sorry he was as the pain took you from your waking state yet again.

“Stay with me Y/N, oh god stay with me,” he called for help as you heard people rushing towards you, but you couldn’t, not for long, no matter how hard you tried.

The last thing you remembered as you were loaded on to a back board, Slyvie and Emily doing there best to keep you alive until you reached Med, was Jay yelling at Kelly. “What the hell was that!? You could have killed her!”

“What else was I supposed to do? The car was going to blow! Any slower and she would have blown with it,” Kelly snapped back. “You know what, you want to start this, why was she alone in the first place huh? Aren’t you supposed to be her partner?!”

Boden and Casey broke them up and Jay insisted on riding with you to Med, climbing in as you were loaded into the ambo and the doors were shut. Emily hit the gas, driving you to Med as quickly as she possibly could.

You met Jay’s eyes barely as Sylvie tried to give you oxygen, shakily grabbing his hand and smiling at him softly as everything went black. “Y/N? Y/N!”

The next thing you saw was figure above you, silhoutetted by a bright light, but as your eyes slowly focused you realised who you were looking at. Your boyfriend, Connor. You smiled weakly, your head fuzzy, but your pain was now a dull ache. They must have given you some pretty heavy pain medication, you realised.

Connor’s face flushed with relief and his whole body visible relaxed, a hand going to lightly cup your face. “You’re awake,” he breathed, putting his forehead against yours. He’d been crying, you realised, noting the slight red around his eyes. It must have been bad.

“Hmmm,” you got out, your mouth and throat impossibly dry. Connor offered you some slow sips of a drink out of a straw. “Connor...” You croaked out.

“Hey baby,” he smiled, “you gave us quite a scare.” Although his tone was light, you could hear the genuine fear behind it as he flashed a torch in your eyes, examining you.

He seemed satisfied, you could move your toes and squeeze his hand. “What... happened?” You managed, still so unclear on the whole situation. Or, you realised, how long you’d been in the hospital. You needed answers.

“An SUV sped through a red light, crashed straight into you,” he explained, anger slipping into his voice, “51 managed to get you out, but...”

“Car blew up,” you finished and he nodded, taking your hand.

“They had to get you out quicker than they should, you took a large piece of glass to your side, lost a lot of blood. Y/N, you’ve been in the ICU the last couple of days, you’ve been in and out of surgery, you...” his voice caught and he squeezed your hand, “you coded in the ambulance on the way to Med, then again on the table. I thought we’d lost you, it’s been so touch and go-”

“Am I okay?” You dared ask after a pause, looking down at yourself. Well, you still had all of your limps, you could feel them too, Connor had seemed especially relieved about that.

“You should be,” he answered honestly, “well, you shouldn’t be if we’re talking about odds, but you pulled through. God, Y/N I was so worried.” Oh, it had really been that bad.

“Well you know me,” you cracked a half grin, “I like to keep you on your toes.” Connor chuckled in disbelief, shaking his head at the fact that you could joke about the situation. You laughed a little too, stopping when you felt a sharp pain. Worth it, you thought, to see him smile.

“I love you,” he said with earnest, meeting your eyes. You swallowed hard, humour gone as you took in the severity of the situation.

“I love you too,” you told him, like a promise that you were going to be okay.

“Jay and Kelly have barely left since you arrived, been at each other’s throats a little about the whole situation,” he told you as memories of their fight after the incident came back to you.

“It’s not their fault,” you said, your voice coming back to you more even though it still hurt a little to talk.

“I know, so do they really, I think they’re blaming themselves more than each other anyway,” he admitted. You knew how they felt, you’d felt guilty when Jay had been shot and you hadn’t been there.

“They care,” you smiled. You and Jay had been partners for years, and Kelly was one of your closest friends, they were bound to worry. They also always felt like they had to save everyone, and you knew how much they hated being helpless to do something, so this must have nearly killed them Well, not in the same way that it had nearly killed you, but still.

“Should I be jealous?” Connor joked and you laughed again, lightly swatting his arm.

“Ow, stop,” you lightly put a hand to your side, feeling the bandage.

“There was a lot of internal bleeding too, but we managed to get it under control, it took a long time but you should make a full recovery, a slow one Y/N,” he said pointedly, knowing that you were probably already thinking about the case. You were.

Before you could reply there was a soft knock at the door, Jay poking his head in slightly and smiling when he saw you awake and alert. You gesture for him to come in, and see Kelly entering behind him too. Both men look like they haven’t really slept, and you could tell by how carefully they were surveying that they were checking if you were alright.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Jay asked tentatively.

“Better than ever,” you told him and he rolled his eyes.

“Really, Y/N,” Kelly pushed. It wasn’t entirely fair to them, you knew how much they cared about you, but you didn’t want coddling.

“I’m fine,” you insisted, though neither of them looked entirely convinced as they glanced to Connor, who gave them a slight nod to let them know that you would be.

“Didn’t know if you were going to pull through for a minute there,” Kelly said, not meeting your eyes, “I should’ve-”

“It’s not your fault-” you told them, firmer when you could tell they weren’t convinced, “it’s not, either of you, okay?” They nodded and shrugged, which would have to do for now. “Did we get him?” You asked Jay.

“Yeah we got him, squad picked up, but right now you should be focusing on recovering, not work,” he replied, knowing you too well.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her, she needs to focus on taking care of herself right now,” Connor said pointedly and you smiled, shaking your head.

“Why would I do that when I have the three of you to do it for me?” You joked, trying not to laugh, “you guys really need to stop worrying about me.”

“Never,” they all said at once, exchanging amused glanced with each other as you pretended to get annoyed.

You were going to be okay, they’d make sure of it, you didn’t know how you’d gotten so lucky to find people who cared about you so much.

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frostedblankets · 4 years

Text

driver’s license; sakusa kiyoomi x gender neutral reader

synopsis: unrequited love should be registered as a disease; it kills me to watch you fall in love with someone else.

genre: angst, post timeskip

tw: none

word count: 700+

a/n: and we’re back! thank you guys so much for the love on my first fanfic. we literally got 100 likes! that’s so crazy to me. I promise to push myself as an author to write more things you guys can enjoy <3 for now, enjoy this oneshot inspired by driver’s license by olivia rodrigo.

passing your driver’s test was always one of your top priorities. it was so grueling to ask your friends whenever you wanted to go somewhere, and public transportation was never forgiving. although, car rides with your friends were never truly unbearable. being in the driver’s seat, though, felt so freeing.

red lights, stop signs; from the moment you started driving—last week—you decided that it would be a time for self-reflection. what were your highs for the day? what was your low? identifying your lows were always hard, but you definitely knew one of your highs: sakusa kiyoomi.

“focus on the road, please. i’m not trying to die.”

“i am, i am! don’t worry omi, we’re not dying tonight.”

“you’re literally going 80 in a 60, i get you’re gay and all but i’m quite literally holding on for dear life.”

you let out a giggle over the conversation. he never failed to brighten up your life. he turned your cold winters into bright summers. you’ve never felt this way before, especially towards a guy. you felt like you could face anything in the world with him, as long as it was him. the more you thought of sakusa, the more you relaxed. you loosened your grip on the wheel slowing down and turning into the suburbs.

“so,” you started. “do you wanna get some boba tomorrow?”

“can’t, i have lunch with atsumu tomorrow.”

you furrowed your eyebrows, tightening your grip on the wheel again. ah, atsumu. the blonde was so close with sakusa--it makes sense though, they’re teammates for god’s sake. the way they bonded was so heartwarming, like how the moon and the stars joined together at night. to you, though, you felt your heart crack everytime they were together. it was hard for you to miss the way sakusa looks at him. you saw the glint of hope in his eyes when he talked to atsumu, the faintest blush protruding from his face mask. it was all too obvious to you. he loved atsumu.

why couldn’t it be you? your thoughts consume you as you drive through the neighborhoods. you felt hopeless as you imagined the life you could be living. the life where sakusa was yours. the life where you could wake up with him, arms and legs entangled with each other. the life where everyday, you didn’t have to feel so scared of losing him. all you could do was imagine.

as you headed deeper and deeper into the suburbs, you immersed yourself into the negative. would atsumu take sakusa away? would he make you disassociate from sakusa? all you could think about now was atsumu. sakusa’s lunch date with atsumu. atsumu spiking his way into sakusa’s heart. it was all atsumu. atsumu. atsumu. atsumu.

“[y/n]? [y/n]! what has gotten into you,” sakusa questioned. “you’ve been driving around this block for at least five minutes. just drop me off here, i’ll catch a taxi or something; it’s clear you’re not in the right headspace right now.”

you immediately stepped on the brakes, glancing over at him. sakusa grabbed the door handle, pushing himself out of the car. he slammed the door, the car wobbling in response. all you could do was watch.

tears poured down your cheeks, blurring your vision. you questioned everything as he walked away. everything was numb, yet it felt as if you were just hit by a truck. as your hands trembled and your tears fell, you let out a scream. the ear deafening screams, whines, and hiccups you released showcased the pain of your love.

you sobbed and screamed to your heart’s content. why did you have to fall in love with him? why couldn’t it have been with anyone else? the walls you had kept up for so long shattered. your chest burned. is it really worth chasing him? is it worth going through this much pain for someone like him? someone who won’t even want you back?

your oceans of tears finally settled as you managed to turn on the engine. as you gripped your hands on the wheel, you drove away. oh, how you wished you could drive away from him, drive away from your love for him. it would take time, though.

you got your driver’s license last week.

#sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa x male reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x male reader

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goldentournesol · 4 years

Text

Overworked

(Spencer Reid x Reader)

The one where Spencer feels overworked and stressed out so Reader decides to take him on a mini-road trip and feeds him lots of donuts.

Length: 3.6k

A/N: a special thank you to @random-ravings for requesting this and basically helping me plan it all out <3 ENJOY SOME MAJOR FLUFF!

masterlist

The sheer amount of bad days that Spencer generally had would surprise anyone, however that particular day had been too much to handle. He uncharacteristically overslept and missed the metro car he usually took in the morning, which meant he didn’t have enough time to get his morning coffee. Once he got to work and made his coffee there, he managed to spill it on his desk, ruining a lot of paperwork. This resulted in a stern glare from Hotch, which he totally deserved but that didn’t make him feel any better. On top of that, he spent the rest of his day doing repetitive filing and staring at mutilated bodies. All in all, it was a horrible day and he wanted nothing more than to get home, eat something warm, and cuddle with his girlfriend.

When he entered the apartment silently, she knew something was up. He usually called out for her.

“Spencer?” She called out from the couch where she was seated enjoying some reruns of The Office on the TV.

He stayed silent as he walked into their shared living room, his shoulders hunched over and his head hanging. One look at him and she knew he’d had a hard day.

“Bad day, baby?” she asked, getting up and wrapping her arms around him. In moments like these, he actually preferred physical contact from her.

He nodded as he bent his neck to rest his forehead on her shoulder. The sudden change in weight had almost toppled her over, but she steadied herself. He must have forgotten momentarily how much taller than her he was. He reminded her of those big dogs that liked to settle themselves on their owners’ laps, miscalculating just how much they’ve grown. One of her hands immediately reached to comb through his hair, the other rubbing large circles on his back.

“I’m sorry, love. Wanna tell me what happened?” He replied by shaking his head, groaning, and burying his head further into her neck. She giggled in response and nodded, “Okay, okay.”

He straightened out his back and tightened his grip around her middle, now it was her turn to bury her head in his chest. She placed a kiss to it and he cracked his first smile of the day. She was so tender with him, it made all his worries disappear. She hummed into the fabric of his shirt.

“You smell good. You always smell good.” She pointed out and he chuckled lightly, leaning down to give the top of her head a kiss.

“Thanks, sweetheart. I missed you.” He replied and he brought one of his hands up to the back of her neck to guide her face to his. She complied and met his eyes for the first time, they were tired. He was overworked and she could feel it in his shoulders.

“I missed you, too, Spencie.” He smiled at the nickname and she leaned closer for a kiss. They shared a sweet kiss and Spencer hated to admit it because it was so cliche, but the rest of the world seemed to fizzle away around them. She smiled onto his lips and pulled away, a mischievous look in her eye.

“What?” He asked expectantly but she just bit her lip in excitement, signaling that she had an idea.

“Can you take tomorrow off?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Um, I don’t know...well, I mean I guess it depends if we get a case or not--wait, why? What are you thinking?”

“You, my love, are seriously overworked and stressed. I’m going to do my best to make sure you relax.” She smiled proudly.

“Uh, okay...what do you have in mind?” He pressed further.

“Do you have your go-bag?” she questioned and he nodded, “Great! ‘Cause we’re taking a short road trip!” She announced casually as she made her way into their room to pack an overnight bag.

“Wait, what?! No, I can’t do that, Y/N. I have to be in town in case the team needs me.” He began to protest, following her.

“Relax, Spencer. We won’t go anywhere far. You just need to get some fresh air and we’ll have some good, clean fun, I promise. Now let me de-stress you, baby.” She said turning to him and placing a soft kiss to his cheek. How could he say no to that?

She proceeded to pack her bag and change into a pair of leggings, one of Spencer’s large hoodies, and some sneakers, “Let’s go?” Spencer eyed the hoodie and gave her a lopsided smile as he leaned against the door frame.

“Really? Don’t you have any other hoodies you can wear?” Spencer teased and she laughed. She rolled her eyes and walked right past him, shoving his chest gently. She knew he was just teasing her and in actuality loved it when she wore his clothes. When he would wear them after her, he would understand why she loved wearing his clothes. The hoodies always smelled like her. Like strawberry shampoo and vanilla body mist.

“Should I change?” He asked her.

“Mmm, yeah, you should probably get into something more comfortable...like this hoodie.” She smirked at him and now it was his turn to roll his eyes.

“Alright, alright.” He proceeded to change, getting into some sweatpants and one of his other hoodies.

They made their way down into the car they shared (although Spencer still preferred the Metro) and Y/N sat in the driver’s seat. Spencer laughed at her from the passenger seat for struggling to pull up the chair. He’d been the last one to drive the car and so he had the seat pushed all the way back.

“Don’t laugh at me! It’s not my fault I have short legs!” She exclaimed which made him laugh even harder. She gave him a playful glare and the heaviness of the day began to lift itself off of his shoulders. It was hard not being happy around her. She radiated happiness and Spencer couldn’t be more thankful to have her in his life. The car started moving and he turned in his seat so that his back was resting against the door and he was staring straight ahead at her. He liked watching her drive, he thought it was attractive.

“So, where are you taking me first?” He asked, noting how she glanced at him, trying to keep her eyes on the road. She couldn’t help it, his gaze was intoxicating. He saw a small smile form on her lips.

“Well, let’s just say I have a lot of things planned and I don’t want you to get bored, so I’m getting you some incentives. It’ll make more sense when I get them.” She explained, practically feeling the confusion radiate off of him.

“Them?” he repeated and she nodded. A few minutes later, she parked in front of their favorite bakery. It instantly clicked in his head and he let out a soft laugh. She giggled again and they both entered the bakery, all the different aromas surrounding them. Spencer’s stomach made a few loud noises, but thankfully the chatter of the customers drowned it out.

She ordered half a dozen donuts, all of them Spencer’s favorite: chocolate frosting with sprinkles, even though she preferred glazed. Spencer was too endeared by the gesture to say anything about it. Y/N literally had to swat his hands away from the box upon receiving it. Spencer rolled his eyes playfully and they got back in the car. He looked at her expectantly.

“Relax, pretty boy, you’ll get all the donuts your heart desires.” He grinned at the nickname, once she’d heard Morgan call him that, it stuck with her. She used it whenever she wanted to tease him. “Alright, here are the rules.”

“Rules?!” He looked at her incredulously, his fingers curling and tapping restlessly on his sweatpants, practically drooling at the thought and smell of the donuts.

“Yes, rules. After each activity, we get to share a donut.” He saw the way her eyes sparkled under the street lamps and gave in.

“Fine, what’s our first activity?” He groaned dramatically and she laughed at his childish antics.

“Well, actually the first activity compliments the donuts.” She began driving again after gingerly placing the box in the backseat, “you know that new Indian restaurant I’ve been dying to try?”

“Yeah! But that’s like…” he paused for a millisecond, “81.343 miles away! If we drive at 65 miles per hour we’ll get there in 74 minutes and 16 seconds!” Spencer said impatiently but she just giggled because she knew he didn’t really care about how long it took to get there, he just wanted a donut.

She gave in, “Fine, Spence, you can have one. But don’t you dare complain about losing your appetite once we get there.” She waved a finger at him and he cheered as he got one from the backseat.

She grinned as she watched him take a bite out of the donut. She had to physically tear her gaze away as he licked his lips and rolled his eyes to the back of his head, “Alright, alright. I know they’re good, just for the love of God, stop doing that.”

“Mmm, losing focus, baby?” he teased and she turned on the radio, “Do you want the other half?” She shrugged and took it, eating it in two bites.

“Ugh, it is good.” She confirmed and tapped her fingers on the steering wheel along to the music. She gasped as the song changed, startling Spencer.

“Oh my God, they’re playing throwbacks! I love this song!” She said singing along to Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story’. For the first two verses, all Spencer could do was watch her in awe of her beauty as she sang along. He didn’t know all the words, but he memorized the chorus just in time for it to play again.

“Come on, Spencer! Sing with me!” She laughed and he sang along. She was the only one capable of making him feel this carefree. He would usually be too embarrassed to sing along to the radio, but her happiness was contagious. The radio kept playing some hits working backwards in time until they got to the 90’s when he finally recognized one.

“Oh! I know this one!” Spencer said excitedly and she laughed again in shock as he began singing along to the first verse of the Backstreet Boys’ ‘I Want It That Way’ and miming the words in a dramatic performance. Y/N was too surprised by Spencer to even sing along at that point, but later joined him.

“Spencer, why, of all the 90’s songs on Earth, do you know this one?” She struggled to contain her laughter as the song ended. He felt the blush creep up to his cheeks.

“Garcia was playing it at her birthday party. It’s pretty catchy!” He admitted sheepishly. They spent the rest of the car ride singing songs at the top of their lungs until they reached the restaurant.

“Ugh, I’m starving.” Spencer said as his eyes darted over the menu. She nodded and gazed at him in awe, missing his face since she couldn’t really look at him while she was driving. Spencer glanced over the menu at her, “You alright?” She nodded again, admiring him. “Okay…” he said, smirking. He ordered for the two of them and finally gave her all his attention.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Spencer said as he munched on the complementary naan.

“What? I’m not allowed to admire my ‘pretty boy’ boyfriend?” She raised a brow at him, knowing the comment will make him blush. She loved it when she could make him flustered. He smiled and it reached his dimples, making her swoon momentarily.

“Are you feeling better, babe?” She asked him, laying a hand on top of his.

He nodded, “Yeah, so much better. Thank you, by the way, for doing all this. I don’t deserve you.” he intertwined their fingers.

“Come on, it’s nothing. You work too hard and too much. It’s good to take a break sometimes. Although, I can’t say I’m not being selfish, whisking you away on a spontaneous road trip. I want to spend time with you because I miss you a lot.” She flashed him a small smile and Spencer couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty.

“I’m sorry, I know that I put you through so much.” He began apologizing but she shook her head.

“Spencer, I love you way too much to think about all that.” She squeezed his hand and he realized how lucky he was to have her in his life.

The rest of the time at the restaurant was spent eating. Spencer had ordered so many different dishes and she couldn’t wait to try them all. They occasionally reviewed the dishes among themselves, picking their favorites and their least favorites. Spencer also learned that they have very different tolerances to spicy food. Soon, they’re back in their car, splitting another donut. Spencer scarfed it down before they even started moving.

“The food was so good!” Y/N exclaims as she starts driving again. Spencer agreed as he rested back in the seat, the food in his stomach creating a nice warmth. He was out before he knew it. She decided to let him nap a little bit as she used the GPS to get to their next location. She really wanted to take his mind off of work so she took him to a bowling alley. She decided to park in front of it to let him nap a little more. A few minutes later, Spencer awoke and looked around.

“Woah, did I fall asleep?” he asked, his tongue thick. She nodded and he rubbed his eyes, yawning, “Where are we?” He looked outside and spotted the bowling alley.

“If you’re not up for it, we can come back another time.” She offered, knowing he was probably exhausted.

“Hmm, sounds like you’re afraid of losing, Y/L/N.” Spencer replied by getting out of the car. She shook her head at him and made her way inside. Spencer insisted he’d play in his socks because he was wary of the fact that he’d have to wear shoes that someone else wore--someone that probably had sweaty feet. He shuddered at the thought.

They began playing and Spencer had been protesting the entire time because Y/N decided to write his name as ‘DrSpencie’ and so it was flashing all over all the screens for everyone to see. Spencer really tried to be good at the game, but athleticism really wasn’t in his blood. Instead, he tried to calculate the angles he needed to roll the ball at as well as calculating the optimum velocity needed to knock down all the pins, but as soon as Y/N noticed the concentrated look on his face, she began booing him.

“That’s cheating, Dr. Spencie!” she called out from behind him. He, however, was completely unaware that she was videotaping this shot. Somehow, he knocked all the pins down and immediately his hands rose up to cheer, spinning around to face his girlfriend.

“Did you see that?!” He said before he realized she had the phone practically in his face. He laughed and she promptly sent the video to the groupchat of her and the rest of the BAU ladies. They’d grown quite close since she and Spencer started dating and they’ve even gone out together on a few ladies’ nights. JJ quickly responded, teasing Spencer about the nickname Y/N gave him and she knew they weren’t going to let it go.

Y/N laughed and cheered with him, “Alright, I’ll admit it, that was a pretty good shot.”

Even though Spencer did make a few good shots, Y/N ended up getting a higher score. She smiled smugly as they got into the car again. She immediately reached for the donuts and split one in half. She leaned over the armrest between them to give him a loud celebratory kiss on the cheek to which he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest in feigned annoyance.

“Aw, Spencie, don’t be a sore loser! Here, take your half.” She gave him his half. Spencer made sure they’d both washed their hands before leaving the bowling alley, rambling in detail how dirty the bowling balls must have been. His face immediately lit up and he reached out for the donut, forgetting about his unfortunate luck when it came to any games involving any physical activity. She grinned as she watched him eat it.

“So what’s next?” he asked, mouth full of donut.

She shrugged and began driving, “How about we go for a stroll in the park? Get some fresh air? I saw one a few miles back.” He nodded and zoned out fairly quickly. She noticed and placed an upturned hand on his thigh, wanting him to take it. He slid his hand through hers and she saw a smile make a home on his face. He loved how she always wanted to be close to him. She never got sick of him and it baffled him every day. They sat in a comfortable silence with him occasionally using his thumb to caress her hand. At this point he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.

Soon, they made it to the park and they were walking along the path, making playful conversation. She looped an arm around one of his as they walked together. He had his hands in his pockets and was excitedly telling her about the book he finished last. She couldn’t hear him, though. All she could see was the way the soft glows from lamp lights sparkled in his eyes and danced across the contours of his face.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” He said softly, stopping and turning to face her. She snapped out of it quickly.

“Hm...oh, yeah. Sorry, I was distracted.” She blushed and he smiled with a special kind of confidence he found with her. He proceeded to wrap an arm around her shoulders and she instinctively cuddled into his side as they began walking again. She spotted a big tree and they sat under it. He leaned his back against the tree and she put her head in his lap.

“I don’t want any bugs in my hair.” She giggled as she spread her hair onto his lap. His hands immediately reached down to twirl it around his fingers.

“I’m not complaining, angel.” He said as he rested his head back on the tree. She stared up at him as he stared into the branches of the tree above them.

“Did you know that a single tree has the ability to absorb as much as 48 pounds of carbon dioxide each year and can sequester 1 ton of carbon dioxide by the time it reaches 40 years old? It’s actually estimated that United States forests absorb about 10% of the country’s CO2 emissions each year.” he mindlessly stated and she beamed up at him.

“They’re so awesome.” She yawned as he played with her hair, she didn’t mean to sound disinterested because she was interested, she was just growing tired. He looked down at her and ran a finger over her jawline.

“Are you getting tired, love?” He asked and she nodded.

“But I wanna stay here with you, just a little longer.” she murmured and he felt his heart swell up in his chest, “keep talking, I like listening to you.”

He smiled, “Okay, what do you wanna hear me talk about?”

She shrugged and turned on her side, resting her cheek on his lap and looking out across the greenery, “Tell me about…” she pondered, “the stars.”

His hands continued to run through her hair, “Okay, so did you know that when we look at a star in the sky, we’re actually looking into the past because of how long it takes its light to reach us? The Sun appears as it was 8.5 minutes ago. The view of Alpha Centauri is 4.3 years old, while the appearance of Sirius is more than 8 years old. So while we can’t know for sure without a telescope, most of the stars we see in the sky have probably already died and we’re just looking at what they used to look like.” He checked on her to see if she was still awake and saw that she barely was, seeing that it was almost midnight.

“Tell me about…” she yawned again, “the rarest dog breed.” Spencer couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh. Here he was, in a random park a few towns over with this amazing woman who was seconds away from falling asleep on his lap and all she wanted to hear about was dogs.

“Okay, I will.” He said as he brought his knees up gently to shift positions. He wrapped one arm underneath her knees and the other around her middle to bring her body into his lap so she was sitting across it. She rested her head in between his shoulder and his neck like it belonged there. Spencer knew she was already half asleep so he didn’t want to risk waking her. He placed a firm kiss to her head and rested his cheek against it. He stayed quiet until he felt her breathing even itself out, letting him know that she’d fallen asleep.

“Love, I’m gonna take you back to the car now.” He spoke softly, not knowing whether she actually heard him or not.

He moved her off his lap swiftly before standing and hooking an arm underneath her legs again to pick her up off the ground. He carried her all the way to the car and set her inside gently. Spencer readjusted the seat to fit his long legs, chuckling at the memory of her struggling to pull it up.

He decided it was too late to drive all the way back home so he settled on a nearby motel. After checking them in, he set her down carefully on the bed. Spencer removed her shoes, then his, and got in bed next to her, knowing that tomorrow the donut-filled adventures would continue. At that very moment, it was hard for even Spencer Reid to remember a life before her.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fluff #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfic #cm #spencer reid masterlist #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid one shot

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twinkleimagines · 4 years

Text

✨Don’t fucking touch her✨

(Yes , those are Toms hands 🤧)

Summary: Tom is your best friend and finds out that the guy you’re dating is extremely toxic and abusive.

WARNING: this contains physical and verbal abuse, please be cautious reading this if it’s a trigger!

“ okay I’ll see you soon.. love you too , Bye” you had just gotten off the phone with your best friend of 6 years, Tom Holland. You hadn’t seen him in over two months because your boyfriend believed there was more to the friendship than meets the eye. You and Tom had a history yes but it didn’t last long because you both agreed you were better off as friends. Unfortunately though your boyfriend of 6 months Anthony thought you were nothing but a big flirt and a cheater. He accused you of cheating with any guy you were nice to. It was Toms birthday today though and you weren’t going to miss seeing him no matter what.

Anthony was scheduled to work in an hour so you had called Tom to come get you so you could hang out for his birthday, of course you had to hide this because when Anthony gets mad he gets.. abusive.

You still could remember the first time he had hit you. Your ear was swollen for 3 days straight, all because he found you sitting with his coworker while he was at work ‘ flirting’ according to him. You weren’t flirting though, you were just being friendly. He had stayed quiet the whole ride to your house but the moment you had gotten inside he shoved you so hard you fell to the ground. You had gotten up to defend yourself when he hit you on the side of the head with a closed fist, causing your ear to ring and everything to blur.

After that, it seemed to be a weekly thing. Anthony would find any reason to put his hands on you. In public he would pull your hair, and pinch you so he’s you would want to cry . But out of fear you never spoke up to anyone . Anthony was pretty popular, especially with lawyers and even a few judges, so you assumed that if you ever were to speak out against him he would turn the tables on you and get away with it.

The worst out of it all though was how much he would isolate you from anyone who cared about you. You didn’t see your family much as it is but Tom, he completely cut him off. The only thing item you could talk to Tom was when Anthony was gone, and it was hard to do that too because you couldn’t tell Tom why you were only available to talk 9 hours out of the day , 5 days a week.

But regardless you weren’t going to let Anthony keep you down. You were going to enjoy today with your best frie-

“ who the fuck was that?” You heard from behind you. Oh my fucking God .

“I-it was my mom “ you said quickly , giving him a fake smile.

“ why is your mom coming here?” He questioned crossing his arm. He didn’t sound convinced in the slightest, but even if it was your mom he’d still be assuming the same thing. He honestly petrified you. He was tall and stocky, he could literally lift you with one hand and he was not gentle when he would hit you.

“ she’s just dropping something off babe” you stated, but then your phone started to vibrate..

Tom was calling.

“ give me that” Anthony said snatching your phone from his hand. You quickly tried to grab it back as he looked at the screen , seeing Toms contact name popped up on your screen.

“ you better tell me now whose coming or so fucking help me” he stated now towering over you.

“ I-it’s Toms birthday I just wanted to celebrate with him” you stated. Your body was already trembling at this point , you had no idea what was coming next from him but you knew it was nothing good. Anthony sighed heavily with frustration before typing into your phone .

‘ don’t bother coming over , it’s best we lose contact too’ he sent .

“ that’ll teach him to mess with my girl.” The way he said that made you shiver. It wasn’t a cute little statement , no this one was possessive. He really saw you as his. A toy that no one else was allowed to touch. Little did he know though that Tom was calling to say he was going to be there early, only 5 minutes away in fact.

“ babe I’m sorry it wasn’t anything like th-“ you let out a Yelp as Anthony through your phone towards you, passing your head and shattering against the wall.

This was it . This was the worst you had seen him. His face was cherry red and his chest was heaving from breathing so hard.

“ I knew you were cheating on me . That’s all you ever do you ungrateful bitch”. Anthony went to take a swing at you but you ducked just in time to go under him, heading for the front door. You had managed to unlock i and open it slightly before Anthony got ahold of your hair , slinging you back. “ where the hell do you think you’re going ?!” He yelled yanking you down to the ground by your hair .

“ Anthony stop!” You screamed trying to get your hair from his hands but his grip was just too tight.

“ I can’t even go make money without you making a fucking fool of me !” He yelled still pinning you down.

“ just let go! “ you yelled trying to get up. “ I’m not cheating !”

“ just shut up!” He yelled yanking you up by the arm before slinging you against the wall next to the door .

“ Anthony plea-“ you were immediately stopped by the feeling of Anthony’s large hand wrapping around your throat. You started cough loudly, tears running down your throat and you swung at his arm, trying to get him to let go of you.

“ you’re nothing but a slut” he said letting go of you, only to drag you towards the hallway by your hair.

“ please let go “ you cried out stumbling to stand up while he dragged you by your hair . He kept yelling and cussing , calling you every name under the book. He had even kicked the side of your face from under, never letting go of your hair . You were screaming and pleading for him to get off of you when all of a sudden you saw him drop to the floor, Tom on top of him hitting his face over and over again. You finally managed to get up on your feet, tugging on Tom to get him off of Anthony. Tom stood over Anthony for a second before crouching down grabbing him by the color of his shirt. Anthony had cuts all over his face bleeding , his nose definitely was broke as well.

“Don’t you ever fucking touch her again” Tom said before pushing against Anthony’s head making it hit the floor.

“ c’mon” you said to Tom tugging on his arm. Tom quickly followed you outside where you went to his car, getting in the passenger seat. You couldn’t even strap in before Tom had turned the ignition on , spinning wheels out of your driveway. The ride was silent for a few minutes, Toms knuckles bleeding, just jaw clenching while he squeezed on the wheel.

“ how long has that been going on?” He asked with a stern voice , not taking his eyes off the road. You lowered your head , ashamed.

“ since the first month we got together” you said looking down at your hands. Tom slammed his hand against the steering wheel making you jump.

“ Dammit Y/N!” He yelled. You looked out the window, tears starting to fall. He noticed you Flinch and cowering .

“ I’m sorry darling I just.. I just don’t understand how you could keep something like that away from me “ he said, sadness lingering in his tone . It wasn’t just him though, it was everyone . Sometimes you even tried to forget it and pretend like your relationship was normal .

“ I was scared Tom. I always thought he was going to kill me “ you said your bottom lip trembling . You immediately placed your head in your hands , letting out loud sobs. Tom quickly pulled the car over , wrapping his arms around you.

“ I am so sorry .. and I’m so sorry I didn’t catch on” he spoke softly .

“ what’s going to happen now ?” You mumbled , looking up at Tom. He shook his head .

“ I’m not sure y/n”

***

It had been a week since the incident , and you had been staying at Toms place . He slept on an air mattress in his bedroom floor while you had his bed , even though you had secretly hoped he laid with you, for comfort. No one had heard or seen Anthony either. He was obviously alive from his social media posts but he didn’t seem to have any interest in contacting anyone .

“ y/n you hungry?” Tom asked peaking his head into the bedroom. You looked over towards him grinning. “ I take that as a yes” he laughed before walking back out . Shortly after you heard the doorbell ring. You paused your movie, listening trying to see who it was.

“ you’ve got some fucking nerve showing up here!” You heard Tom yell. Oh shit you thought, that’s Anthony. You quickly jumped up, running towards the front door before anything happened. When you got there you saw Tom standing there with his fist clenched, and Anthony with fear written all over his face .

“ I just came to apologize to y/n” Anthony said trying to reason.

“No” Tom said shaking his head. “ you’re nothing but a coward who beats on women. Your fucking pathetic mate” he responded, fuming.

“ Tom” you said reaching up to grab Toms arm , trying to calm him down.

“ look , I won’t press charges on Tom if you don’t press charges on me ok” Anthony pleaded. “ all my stuff is out of the house, I’ve moved out you won’t have to hear from me again”. You sat contemplating. Anthony was known in the court system. He could get his way if he wanted to so he must not be all that confident if he’s bargaining . But at the same time you really didn’t want anymore of a reason to associate with him than you had to at this point, and as long as Tom was around you knew you were safe. You looked at Tom and could tell he wanted to tear this boy to shreds but it just wasn’t worth it to you anymore .

“ fine, now leave. I don’t ever want to see your face again Anthony “ you spoke, it was the most confidence you had ever had when speaking out to Anthony . It was obviously because you had raging Tom behind you but still, it felt good to be able to tell Anthony how it is without fearing for your life. Anthony nodded before turning around walking away. You stood there for a second, watching and waiting to make sure he didn’t try anything . He didn’t thankfully, only getting in his car driving away. A sigh of relief came out of your mouth as you shut Toms door only to turn around and see that Tom was no longer there. You scrunched your face up in confusion before walking back to the bedroom to find Tom sitting on the edge of the bed, his head lowered.

“ Why’d you leave?” You asked. You realized he was looking down at his knuckles . They were still red and scratched up, a little swollen from when he beat on Anthony.

“ Tom?” You said softer this time, sitting down next to him.

“ why would let him just get away like that?” He asked, still not looking up at you. “ after all he did to you and for so long he just gets to walk away with a slap on the wrist” he stated. You could tell he was angered with you, and even though you knew Tom would never lay a finger on you , you could feel that same nervous feeling you’d get when Anthony .

“ I-I just don’t ever want to see him again” you stated looking away. “ if we went about pressing charges, then I would still have to be around him and still have to see him.” You stood up fumbling with your fingers. Tom looked up at you , only to see your bottom lip quivering and tears forming. “ you don’t know what he’s like when he’s pissed , the things he did to me- pressing charges would only set him off and. What if you end up in jail and he walks away free? He’ll come find me and you won’t be here “ by this time the tears were streaming down your face as you Reminenced on this long torturous months with Anthony. Tom stood up quickly, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

“ shh stop crying” he whispered , rubbing your back. “ I’m sorry okay we won’t bother it” he stated not letting go of you. You both sat in silence as you calmed yourself down to only a few sniffles here and there.

“ I know he’s gone, but I don’t want to go back” you said referring to your home. Tom swueezed a little tighter.

“ you don’t have to love, you can stay here” he stated. As much as you loved that , you couldn’t just keep taking over Toms bed and him sleeping in the floor.

“ Tom, I’d have to go home eventually “ you said taking a step back away from him. He kept his hands holding onto your forearms while shaking his head no.

“ move in” he suggested. You looked up at him to see he was sincere.

“ Tom I can’t just live with my best friend my whole life” you said moving out of his grasp. Tom looked almost hurt by your words. there was a long pause between the conversation before Tom sighed.

“ we could be more than just best friends, y/n” this time it was your turn to look at him with confusion. “ we only broke up all those years ago because we both were fresh into our careers and didn’t have time for relationships“. he wasn’t wrong. If you both didn’t have such busy lives you would still be together . “ I love you Y/n .. and ever since I saw him hurting you I’ve had nightmares. All I want is to keep you safe and protect you”. You thought about it. He was really your whole world. You loved a lot of people but never the way you loved Tom. The way you felt with him, as if nothing in the entire world could touch you because he would standing in front of you blocking it. He excited you in every way possible, even ways you couldn’t admit to yourself, because if you did then that meant you had feelings for him, still.

Your silence worried him , causing him to regret what he had just said. You realized this so you leaned your head foward, your lips puckering up some. Toms eyebrows raised up before he leaned in as well meet you halfway. The kids was long but gentle, something you both had secretly longed for . It was a passionate kiss, his hands sliding against your sides until the were completely wrapped around you. Yours had found their way to his hair, tugging causing his lips to dread apart giving you access. Your tongues danced together, the taste of his blue berry pancakes lingering. Eventually you both had to breath so you pulled your lips away, but the rest of your body staying close to each other.

“ I’m scared” you replied laying your head against his chest. “ I’m so scared that I’m going to fuck up and lose you” you stated, tears forming against at the thought.

“ you could never lose me” he replied before leaning back down kissing you . Some how while you were kissing , you both had managed to lay down on the bed, Tom partially on top of you as he rubbed his hand up and down your thigh. Toms hand then migrated over to your lower belly, his fingers sliding under the hem of your pajama pants. Your mouth opened wide, a gasp coming out as you felt his rough fingers press against your clit. The waves of tingles flowing through you was almost impossible to handle. No one had ever made you feel this way, especially not Anthony. It was always forced and unwanted with him but with Tom, it was pure bliss. Tom stared down at your face as your moans got louder and louder , grinding your hips up against his hand.

By this point Toms fingers were wiggling in you, his thumb rubbing back and forth against your clit.

“ oh Tom” you moaned out, placing your head in the nook of his neck, your walls clenching around his fingers as you orgasmed. You could feel your leg twitching, your hand squeezing tight against his . Tom grinned before removing his fingers, placing them in his mouth to taste you. You giggled shyly covering your face .

“ don’t be shy” he said softly removing your hands to look at you.

“ you’re so beautiful y/n” he stated. You just looked up at him, his brown eyes staring back at you, the morning sunlight glistening in them.

“ I love you Tom” you whispered, rubbing your thumb against his bruised up knuckles.

“ I know, darling” he said kissing your forehead. “ c’mon” he stated sitting up. “ breakfast is probably cold”

#Tom Holland #I’m Holland fan fiction #Tom holland smut #Tom holland fan fiction smut #Tom holland imagine #Tom holland imagines #Tom holland imagine smut #Tom holland imagines smut

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fangirl-everythang · 3 years

Text

Happy Father's Day Part 3

Summary: 3/3 Well, its the last part.

Warning: Sad, Mentions Death.

Word Count: 2269

"Harry? " I answer the phone.

"It's not Harry but glad you know your numbers." that high pitch annoying ass voice squeals. Rubbing my stomach, the baby's in go position and any day now my oven will be done baking. And of course, this bitch is answering his phone.

"Well bye-bye just thought you should know where he was at. " In the background, I hear Harry's voice going on about something so it must be true. Hanging up I sigh letting the hot tears roll down my cheeks. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I blame myself really, I let him back into my life and this doesn't surprise me. I gotta pee.

Waddling over to the bathroom door a gasp leaves my mouth feeling the surge of liquids fall between my legs. Holy shit. My water broke! Fuck gotta go. Thankful my bag was already in the car. Harry had insisted once I hit the 36-week mark claiming Styles's are either early or fashionably late.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. My knuckles turning white as I grasp the wheel. Nope, I'm not pushing anything out of my vagina. Can't do it. I refuse.

The contraction going away after a few brief moments of completely unreasonable pain. Dialing the numbers, I know by second nature, thankfully she picks up on the fourth ring.

"I don't think you should drive y/n"

" Just call 911. I'm almost there! " Gemma ecstatically shouts. She's just like her brother, "Where's Harrold? "

I put the seatbelt on and wince. It's just 28 minutes I can do this. "He's with his whore."

I can hear an audible gasp, "he wouldn't he's so excited for Athena"

"Well I just called him and she answered. " I grunt keeping my eyes on the two lanes ahead of me. Fuck I hate merging lanes people don't know how to drive.

"I'll be at the hospital as soon as possible but my phones gonna-" the line went dead. She did say she was on like 10% oh well.

I can do this just focus y/n. "Hear that baby girl we're almost there, hang on okay Hunny. " I say as a reminder to myself that soon I'll be leaving with another human with me.

6 miles to go that's what I'm talking about, another sharp pain spreads throughout my abdomen while waiting for the light to turn green. "OH COME ON. FOR FUCKS SAKE!" they're getting closer by the minute. Shit. Arriving at a four-way intersection. I'm relieved to be at a red light, the contractions are longer and much more frequent. "Almost there Athena, this is the last light and a straight shot from there."

Abruptly my car is jerked forward with a sharp impact pushing to the oncoming lights. All I see are lights from both directions colliding with my 3,000-pound piece of metal. Sounds of shattering glass and sirens are the last thing I hear before it all fades to black.

||||||||||||||||

Harry's POV

"Has anyone seen Mr. Style's phone?" The helpful aid asked around the dressing room. I could've sworn I put it down for a moment. Y/n could go into labor any minute now and how I am supposed to know. Fuck. I'm stupid.

I was supposed to be here to perform and list nominees and then go back home to y/n. I can't wait to propose to her, she's all I could ever want and she's giving me the most wonderful gift I could ever ask for. Running a hand through my damp hair, the lights really build a sweat, I hear a familiar voice. "Looking for this lover? " she asks slipping my phone into my pocket.

"Good luck at home. " she smiles and winks. Before I could question it she walks away.

Looking down at the device my heart skips a beat, I have 146 missed calls. And I've been gone for 5 hours. Seeing Gemma's name on the screen again I swipe to answer.

"Hell-"

"Harry," she says sniffling.

"Gemma what's wrong? did I miss it? Oh my god I hope not"

"I think it would be best if you came now Harry." she breaks her voice cracking.

"Gem what?"

"Listen Harry, she needs you right now so please." she cries. Not needing another word, I tell Jackson the address and that I need to be there as fast as possible, 45 minutes later we're pulling into the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital.

"Congrats Harry!" Jackson says letting me out at the door. "Thank you!" I beam back at him.

Seeing Gemma, her eyes are puffy with tears still flowing. "Gem what's wro-," a sharp pain to my right cheek stings. Never has Gemma hit me like that, well not since I cut her prom dress. "How could you Harry? Cheat on her again WITH TAYLOR for Christ sakes!" She yells.

"I didn't cheat," I explain to my sister as calm as I can.

She looks at me with wild eyes pulling me into a hallway with fewer people, "Then what happened Harrold?" I clench my jaw instead of speaking, how dare she accuse me of cheating on my pregnant soon-to-be fiancé. Y/n Styles has a great catch don't you think?

"Is she here yet? Gem where are they?" I ask ready to see my new family.

She begins crying again "Harry there was an accident." Those five words make my breathing come to a halt. My heart shatters in a million pieces "Is Y/n okay? What happened?" She begins walking me to a door. "This one," she points. Looking through the glass I see y/n with bruises and cuts to her beautiful face, her stomach nearly deflated from when I last saw her this morning, a cast on a swollen leg of hers, and a sling holding a very damaged arm. Tears brim at my eyes looking at my love on that hospital bed. "She's awake." Gemma walks past me running to the outside.

I gently knock on the door, waiting for a response which I don't get. "Y/n?" I approach her almost as If I were going to help an injured puppy. "Hey love" I smile at her which she glares at me and then turns wincing in pain. "You wanted this didn't you Harry?" I look at her confused. "This is probably great for you, a way out. Well leave." She states using whatever energy she can find.

"Baby I didn't want- I want you and Athena" She breaks down in uncontrollable tears.

"You were with that her and couldn't even bother to pick up your phone!" she screams. "Y/n I wasn-" a knock at the door interrupts my sentence, "Come in" She says glaring at me as a nurse opens the door.

"Hey there Mama, we have a visitor." the nurse wheel in a tiny cart that has a bunch of equipment coming from it. She looks at me and asks Y/n, "Is this dad?" she nods and rolls her eyes. "About time you made it!" She smiles my way. Placing the beautiful baby in front of us. She's so small and fragile. "The doctor will be in shortly to talk to you." She states picking up the tiny child and putting her in Y/n's arm.

"Hi pumpkin," Y/n coos into her ear. "Guess who decided to show?" She smiles, a tear falling from the corner of her eye. She nods her head towards me as I go to hold her. She's so soft and precious. Her small eyes have a gorgeous mix of both mine and Y/n's. She has such a cute round face, I couldn't imagine her looking any different.

"Hi there angel, I'm so sorry I was late." I see a spot dampen on her blanket that surrounds her, knowing that I'm crying. Her small eyes shining like twinkling stars. So small I can feel her fragile body between my large hands.

Another knock before the door opens when several doctors walk in. "Mrs. Y/ln, unfortunately, we have some bad news,"

"Oh, hello there Mr. Styles." They state acknowledging my existence. One of the female doctors places a black and white image on the lighted board illuminating the small figure.

"Unfortunately, due to the accident, Athena has suffered from what we call a fetomaternal hemorrhage."

"What exactly are you saying?" Y/n ask looking at the child still in my arms.

The slightly shorter male doctor points to the image. "This is an abscess of blood in the brain. Unfortunately, the risk is too large to operate. I'd give her another day at most."

"You m-mean," Tears start pouring down her face" I was so scared she was hurt. I-I promise I saw the light it was red, and I-I stopped but," She began heaving losing more air with each word. I gently rub her back as I cradle Athena with one arm.

"She's still being monitored but I'm afraid she won't have much longer." The first doctor breaks the silence. "According to the police report the car that struck you from behind happened to be a drunk driver, Gage Joyce." I can feel the anger surging through me. "I remember the clashing of metal, glass breaking, the sirens but it all went b-black." She mumbles, seemingly remembering the awful experience. I grab her hand in hopes of comforting her but it doesn't seem to work.

"After striking your car at 72 mph it had ample force to push your vehicle into the opposite traffic. Your vehicle took the most impact and was hit by four other cars. On scene, EMT's said you were in and out of consciousness mumbling about a baby. Taken and brought to the L&D." he finishes.

"Fetomaternal hemorrhages are often caused by trauma and sometimes can be revered but in this case, we've done all we can do." They all frown looking at the small girl still in my arms.

"No, there's got to be more you can bloody do! We're in a hospital for Christ sakes!" I exclaim, passing my daughter to the love of my life. She gently caresses her soft skin. She's literally a perfect combination of us. I cannot lose my family.

"You can leave, thank you all for your help." y/n says quietly, they oblige by her wishes and leave us with our daughter.

"Harry," she wipes a tear from her face cautious of the IV placed on her hand, "If what they say is true, I just want to spend time with her." She sniffles. I nod understanding. She looks back at the small being in her arms, "Hi pretty girl, Mommy's so happy to meet you," she unfolds the blanket from her. I sit next to her on the small bed in the room that smells of sterilization. Placing my finger near hers' she wraps her small hand around my thumb, her grip so tight for someone so small. Y/n kisses her forehead, "Harry," she runs her finger along her small legs.

"Can you sing the song?" nodding and softly singing Isn't she Lovely by Stevie Wonder, in the small hospital bed as our new life falls asleep. All night I watch her little chest rise and fall allowing y/n to get some rest soon following my two loves.

By the early morning, nurses are rushing in because of the loud beeping from the monitor, waking y/n and I. It feels like everything is happening so fast but in slow motion right in front of me. Those three words are the ones I didn't want to hear. "No! no. I have to take her home. She's gotta go home..." Y/n screams, not being able to see her face due to the tears in my eyes falling and rebuilding themselves faster than the speed of light. "Call it." One of the nurses shouts.

"Time of Death 6:18 am March 7th, 2019"

As they cleared out the room, I see her small lifeless body curled into a blanket, almost as if she were sleeping, but no longer do breaths fall from her small heart-shaped lips.

//////////////////////////

Y/n hasn't said a word since we got in the car. It's been four days since we lost Athena. She slowly climbs into the car, still sore from the accident and birth. I go to the backseat holding back my emotions and putting the empty car-seat in the trunk of the car that should have been holding three of us.

Starting the silent journey back home she continues to look out of the window, a frown etched on her mouth, tears rolling down her cheeks as she instinctively touches her somewhat deflated stomach. What kind of sick joke is this?

"Harry why were you with her?" she asks me looking down at what used to be her baby bump.

"I wasn't love, she took my phone while I was on stage." She just nods and remains silent until we pull up to the flat. She begins walking up the stairs as best she can. "Y/n wait, let me help."

"No Harry!" She yells. Pain evident in her voice, ignoring her I open the door and help her inside. "Harry I can't do this." I stare at her confused, "What can't you do y/n?"

"Us Harry. I can't look at you and not think of her." She sobs.

"Y/n we can-" I try to reason with her.

"No Harry, please just go." She whispers.

"I'm not losing both of you," I state holding back my own sobs. I feel like everything feels like it's getting smaller around me, suffocating in grief.

"You already have."

A/N: What can I say I have a thing for dark endings. Anyways I really appreciate the support loves. I hope you enjoy these! Right now I've been working on a Loki piece, I'm so excited for it. I changed the writing style tho, so it's not 1st person per usual. I think it's going pretty well so far.

xoxo Janelle

#harry #harry styles #harryx reader #y/n #harry styles and y/n #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #writing #imagine #oneshot #smut #fanfiction #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb

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chilling-seavey · 3 years

Text

Qui Totum Vult Totum Perdit (d.s.) - 8

A/N Too many emotions to make sense of it all

Warnings: This story is centered around a murder so there will be graphic descriptions of blood, death/manslaughter, dealing with corpses, possible domestic abuse (physical/verbal), crime/covering up a crime, shock/grief, and other possibly heavy or triggering topics. Please read at your own discretion.

“Can’t believe he lost his apartment over a damn jacket. How stupid could the guy be?” Jonah said as we headed back down the metal stairs towards the motel parking lot.

I only hummed in response, my gaze downcast on the precisely decorated sleeves of the custom jacket, another 5k drained from my account and into the hands of a snarky stranger who my wife seemed to work into his near demise. Even in death she knew how to drive me fucking crazy. But, goddammit, how could I be mad at her?

Jonah helped himself into the passenger seat of my car and I stopped on my way around the other side to drop the jacket in the trunk. I glanced around the immediate area before opening it up and stared down at the dark grey equipment case laying in front of me. It was silent except for the faint sound of traffic from the nearby freeway. The wind blew slightly and ghosted a light chill across my neck but I still pulled the jacket off and tucked it gently between the case and the inside ledge of the trunk.

The sleeve that happened to rest on the top of the denim read ‘honey’ up at me. She was there with me in some twist of purgatory reality and more than just her physical body I was sure of it.

“Well what do you want me to do?! Do you not like having this house and a nice car and that huge fucking diamond on your finger? Well sorry to break it to you, honey, but without this job, you wouldn’t have any of that!”

“There you go again!” Avalon threw her hand up in my direction, “It’s not all about your fucking money, Daniel! I don’t care about that! I would even be perfectly happy living on the side of the fucking street with you because I love you! None of this other shit that you think is required for a happy and fulfilling life; because – news flash – it’s not!”

“Well it makes me pretty damn happy.”

“Oh really? Are you happy now? Huh?” her volume rose more until she was screaming at me, “Does this make you fucking happy?”

“Yes! Because at least my house or my car doesn’t spew this fucking bullshit at me all the time!” I shouted back.

Avalon literally scoffed and took a step back, her voice lowered to a steady unimpressed drawl, “You’re a selfish prick, Daniel Seavey. I’m done trying to help you…you’re such a lost cause that…God…sometimes I wish I never married you.”

I dusted my fingers over the tough plastic edge of the equipment trunk as if trying to touch her through the material. I could hardly remember the last time I told her I loved her…and if she died by my hand, was the last thing she saw the hatred in my eyes? Did she even know I loved her? She must have…right?

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out with a startle. Two consecutive texts from my brother,

Have you been remembering to take your meds?

Please call me, Daniel.

I scoffed in annoyance and closed the trunk without a second look at the case. My nosy older brother was the last person I wanted to concern myself with at the moment. I got back in the drivers seat and started the car with a tired sigh.

“You alright?” Jonah asked.

I took a moment to ponder his question. I didn’t seem to know a lot of things and I certainly didn’t know if I was alright. I only offered him a shrug in response.

We sat there in the parking lot of the motel for a moment. Jonah didn’t rush me, even though I was sure he was stressed about staying on one place for too long with a body in the trunk. He simply watched me as I left my hands gently on the steering wheel and stared straight out the windshield.

There was something that the custom jacket inflicted in me that made this all feel so much harder than it felt when the day started. I woke up on a rug drenched in my wife’s blood and even that initial shock of finding her didn’t come close to the sudden waves of emotions that were washing over me right then. I really truly loved her and the realization that she was gone and that I was a piece of shit excuse of a husband seemed to hit me all at once.

I can’t even explain it to you, dear reader, but I would if I could. It’s the feeling of someone reaching into your chest and grabbing your beating heart and squeezing it until you’re nearly doubling over in pain. Was this heartbreak? I must have been as in the dark through all this as you are right now, reading this, among all these lose ends. Except you are not the one who may have the blood on their hands. You can read these words every day for the rest of your life and in no way will it hinder your existence. For me? I had to either deal with the guilt or the heartbreak and, right now, it truly felt more of the latter.

The tears didn’t come. My sadness came to me in waves of anger instead and I found myself taking out my frustrations on the steering wheel, hitting the rim with the side of my fist until my skin bruised. Jonah let me.

I think I screamed a little. Honestly, I don’t remember much of that moment. I think I was too overcome with shock and frustration to even register anything that I was doing to try and lessen any of the weight that had settled on my chest. It hurt to breathe.

I didn’t cry – although I must admit I was close to it – and I looked out the drivers side window into the early afternoon sun and furiously blinked away the dampness that was growing in my eyes. My chest heaved with each breath, jaw clenched and hands gripping the wheel of the parked car until my knuckles burned white.

I was in love with her. And I was so, so stupid.

When I had breathed myself into somewhat of a state of calm, I let out a deep sigh and turned forward again. Jonah was staring at me but I didn’t even want to look at him after my momentary outburst. I rubbed my hand over my aching chest.

“What if I didn’t do it?” I asked quietly.

“Did you not?” Jonah pressed.

I paused, “I don’t know.”

“So who would have?”

“I don’t know.”

Jonah reached into the backseat again and pulled out the pad of paper from his bag as well as a black pen and clicked it open as he set the pad on his lap. I watched him write ‘Motives’ at the top of the page and he underlined it sharply.

“Who would want to kill her? Did anyone have anything against either of you?”

“I don’t know.”

“You had your anger towards her and her inability to accept your career.”

Jonah wrote my name down on the paper and a summary of that statement beside it.

I scoffed and looked back out the window beside me.

“Who else?”

I thought for a moment. My eyes scanned the perimeter of the motel we were parked in front of and went along the second storey railing until they stopped at number 19.

“Jack.”

Jonah wrote it down on another line.

“She fucked his whole life up.”

Jonah added it.

I shifted my grip on the steering wheel of the parked car as I continued under my breath, “She meets a stranger online…that’s just recipe for murder. She gave him our address…shit.”

“Who else?” Jonah asked again.

I thought for another moment. I wracked my brain for anyone who may have had hostile thoughts towards either Avalon or myself. She didn’t seem to have any enemies…I certainly had enough for the both of us. Well, maybe not enemies per se but enough people who didn’t agree with me or with what Jonah and I were working towards. There was one in particular that stood out in my mind.

“There’s one…” I spoke slowly as I tried to recall the day he came to our studio. It had been a few months.

Jonah’s eyes went wide as I looked over at him. Seems I didn’t have to say a word and he knew who I was talking about. I watched him write the name down on the pad of paper, followed by the words: ‘literally a psycho’.

Detective Team: @jonahlovescoffee @randomlimelightxxx @stuffofseaveyy @hopinglimelight @tempus-ut-luceant @br4nd1s @xkelsev @hiya-its-amber @sexyseavey15

#🔪#daniel seavey #jonah marais #why dont we #jack avery #zach herron #corbyn besson #why dont we fanfic #daniel seavey fanfic

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altomer · 4 years

Text

Kuuipo Chapter 1

Paring: Steve Mcgarrett x reader

Fandom: Hawaii 5-0

Warnings: none that I can think of.

Song: American Woman - Lenny Kravitz

Request: None

Outfit

I gripped the steering wheel, watching as my knuckles turned white. I sat outside the palace. My nerves were on edge. I didn’t understand why I was so nervous. It was completely stupid. I took a deep breath and swung the door open. The gravel crunched under my boots. I tugged at the blue air force t-shirt that hung on my shoulders. I glanced at my watch. 10:15, perfect. I smiled to myself as I made my way to the door.

“You're late.” A man said not even bothering to turn around.

“Actually, commander, I'm 15 minutes early.” I didn’t even try and hide the frustration in my voice. He was the SEAL I was sure of that much, The man swung around as the rest of the team looked at me. His eyes widened for a second before he raised his eyebrows. He was attractive, I couldn’t lie. He has green eyes and dark hair. He was tall and well built. The black shirt he wore hugged his arms

“You're the OSI Agent?” The disbelief in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. Any attraction to him went out the window.

“Is there something wrong.” He shook his head. “When they said OSI I thought of someone more-”

“Male?”

“Taller.”

I didn’t know if I should be more offended or less offended. I shook my head letting out a sigh. I passed him to the rest of the team. I held my hand out to the closest person.

“First Lieutenant L/N.”

“Danny Williams.” I let out a sigh of relief. They weren’t all stuck up assholes.

The rest of the team was nice enough. Definitely not as bad as Mcgarrett. I looked to Danny

“So what do we have?” He went to hand me a file only to have it snatched out of his hand. I clenched my jaw. This was going to be harder than I thought.

“Lets see what you’ve got Princess.”

“Is this really time for your pissing contest Steve?”

“No,” I said, snatching the file from him.”I’ll do it.” I flipped open the folder 4 pictures sat on top. I set the file down, spreading the photos out.

“The girls are all around the same age, brown hair, blue eyes.” I thought aloud. I moved the pictures looking to the Missing persons reports instead. “They all went missing around the same area at the same time.” I continued deeper into the file. I furrowed my brows bringing my hand up to my mouth. I chewed on the side of my thumb thinking. “Sex-Trafficing? No-” I shook my head.

“Why not?” Steve asked, crossing his arms. I could tell that’s what they were thinking. “There wouldn’t be a pattern like this. I tapped the map that was in the file.

“Could be a coincidence.” Danny said.

“No,” I said “Me running into you at the store is a coincidence.” I grabbed the map and the girls pictures and walked to a cork board. “This,” I pinned the pictures up “This is a pattern.” I turned to face the team. “I think you have a serial killer.” I crossed my arms waiting for a response. Danny clapped slowly, before pointing to Steve.

“You my friend just got your ass handed to you.” The SEAL grumbled grabbing his own copy of the file. He slid a gun and badge across the table to me.

“Kono, L/N go talk to the first victims' family and see what you can find.” he said without looking up from the file. I nodded smiling to Kono as I pulled my keys out of my pocket.

“I’ll drive.”

As Kono and I pulled into the driveway a man ran out of the house screaming at a teenager who now stood on the grass holding his hand up.

“It’s your fault she’s gone!” He yelled pointing at the boy. The man whipped a gun out of his waistband. I heard a woman scream from the house. I snatched my gun and jumped out of the Bronco.

“5-0 drop the gun!” I yelled. the man stood pointing the gun. The boy was on his knees crying.

“He’s the reason my Jamie is dead!” The man’s hands were shaking. I holstered my gun and take a step forward holding my hands up.

“I can only imagine how you’re feeling.” His eyes flicked to me. “You're an Airman right.” I said pointing to the two flags flying in his yard. “I am too brother.” Tears flooded his eyes and he dropped the gun. I rushed forward and kicked the gun towards Kono. I turned to the man, tears were rushing down his face. The pain from his loss over taking him. “I promise I will find who killed your daughter.” His eyes met mine and he brought his hand up to a shaky salute. I gave him a sad smile before returning the salute.

Once we finished talking to the family Kono and I climbed into the Bronco. I leaned my head against the steering wheel.

“That was amazing!” She said looking at me.

“It was nothing.” I said my voice low. It tore me apart to see the way that man was hurting. Maybe I wasn’t ready to work again.

“That was some of the best deescalation I have ever seen.” I hummed pushing myself up. I turned the key starting the Bronco. I pulled out of the driveway as Kono’s phone rang. I watched the road but all I could think about was that man’s face. He lost his little girl, his daughter.

“They need us back at base.” I nodded flicking on my turn signal.

“You did your best.” I nodded again, swallowing the bile in my throat.

As we walked back into the office, all eyes were on us.

“How’d it go?”

“Ask Y/N?” I knew Kono was trying to get me out of this shell I had reverted into but that definitely didn’t help. I turned on my heel storming out of the hall. I heard heavy footsteps following behind me. Cursing under my breath I pushed a door open. Tears ran down my cheeks. I ran a hand through my hair. I remember when the C-17 landed. It was just me and a coffin. The girl who I was sent to save. The way her family looked at me. The anger. The pain. It was the same way that man looked at that boy. Who was I to survive when their baby girl wasn’t coming home. I heard the door open and quickly wiped the tears. The door closed and the light above me flicked on. Steve stood in front of me. Well as far as he could stand since I had chosen to hide in a closet apparently.

“Why are you crying in a closet out of all places?” His voice was calm and smooth unlike earlier and I wanted a hug so bad. No. Get yourself together. I leaned my head against the wall.

“I know why you were discharged.” My head shot up. No one was supposed to know that it had been cleared. “Are you ok?” His voice wasn’t pitiful. “If you can’t finish this case it’s fine.” I looked into his eyes and I remembered my promise to the father.

“The father,” I said clearing my throat, I swiped my hand across my cheek catching the stray tear that had escaped my eye. “The pain of losing his daughter.” I shook my head.

“How often does this happen?” He asked. I looked at him, narrowing my eyes. I shook my head.

“The survivors' guilt, the panic attacks.” I shook my head.

“I’d hardly call this a panic attack.”

“Answer the question.”

“Not as often as you think.”

“That's not an answer.”

“Why do you care?”

I saw a look cross his face. I couldn’t quite place it. It bugged me how easily he could read me. He grabbed my arms gently.

“My team is my family,” He paused. “And even if you’ve been here for less than a day you are a part of that team, that family.” I looked into his eyes. I let out a shaky breath. I was on the edge. One push and I’d be over it. “What happened was not your fault.” His words hit me like a brick. No one had told me that since it had happened. No, no one really believed it enough to say it. Even if they would have I wouldn’t have believed them. But from him it was different. That was the push. I felt myself falling, not literally but I was spiraling. My shoulders shook as I let the tears fall. Steve pulled me to his chest.

“She shouldn’t have died.” I cried my voice barely a whimper. “He killed her to taunt me.” Steve shushed me, rubbing circles into my back. “This is so similar.”

“I know.”

Something inside me clicked as my sobs slowly quieted. I stepped away from Steve, rubbing my hands over my face. At this point I was really glad I had decided not to wear makeup. I had made up my mind. “Let’s get this bastard before he hurts anyone else.” I saw Steve’s face fall. I shoved the closet door open and ran back into the office. All eyes were back on me.

“So?” I asked, Danny pointed to the corkboard where a fifth picture was pinned next to the map.

“They found her body 3 hours ago.” I grabbed her missing persons report.

“A new girl goes missing every two days.” I looked at the pictures. “Can you find me every missing person’s report for anyone who matches this description?” Kono nodded and moved to her laptop. Steve had resumed his place at the head of the table. I felt his eyes on me.

“Has anyone talked to the vic’s family?” I asked, Steve shook his head. I nodded.

“I’ll go.” I started towards the door. Steve followed behind me. I didn’t question it. I had a feeling there was a piece we were missing. I pulled myself up into the Bronco.

“This is yours?” Steve asked, amused. I grinned as the engine roared to life.

“Yep, My baby.” I ran my hand over the steering wheel. A chuckle escaped his throat. The feelings from earlier were nothing but a memory at the moment.

“You got something to say commander?” I nudged his arm with my elbow. He shook his head a smirk on his face. That smirk was something else. It could make anyone weak in the knees.

“No.”

As soon as I saw the marine bumper sticker I realized what we were missing. My stomach fell.

“Mcgarrett.” I said. He looked at me as I pointed out the bumper sticker. He looked at the sticker and back to me.

“You don’t think.” I nodded. He was targeting Military families.

“I’ll call Kono.” I mumbled pulling my phone out of my pocket. I was glad the woman had the foresight to put her number in my phone. Steve jumped out of the car.

“I’ll go talk to them,”

I pressed the call button and held the phone to my ear.

“Kono.”

“Hey It’s Y/N, I need you to check if the other vics are military brats.”

It didn’t surprise me when Kono gave me the news that the girls were in fact from military families. Steve climbed into the Bronco, his mood solem. He looked at me expectantly. I nodded.

“Shit.” he grumbled. His phone rang in his pocket as he answered it he put it on speaker phone.

“Another girl was just abducted from Monoa Park!” Danny’s panicked voice cut through the speaker. I threw the car in reverse and flicked on the newly equipped sirens. Steve looked at me.

“Thank the governor.”

I shot around a corner.

“Danny did she have her cell on her.” I asked

“Kono’s working on that.”

“Car description.” Steve asked, his eyes wandering from car to car.

“Black SUV, either a chevy or a ford.” I spotted one ahead. I hit Steve in the arm. He turned the siren off as I pulled up behind him.

“We got a hit!” Kono’s voice echoed through the phone. My phone buzzed in the cupholder. I reached for it as the light turned green. The SUV shot forward. Steve grabbed the phone from my hand as I trailed them.

“That’s them.”

I nodded as I backed off.

“We’re on our way.” Danny called hanging up. My hands were shaking against the leather of the steering wheel. I turned down the road that the SUV had taken a few seconds prior. Shots rang out from the car. They bounced of the hood of the car.

“Shit!”

“Get down!” Steve yelled. I ducked down snatching my gun and stepped on the gas. Steve returned fire. I flipped on the siren. “Fuck it!”

The SUV swung around a corner into a dirt trail. Gravel flew as I slammed the accelerator. Their bumper was inches from the hood. I growled as I slammed into their bumper. They fishtailed on the trail struggling to regain traction.

“Back off.” Steve said as he reached over the seat to grab a ballistic vest he had thrown back there earlier.

We flew into a clearing bullets racing toward us. I slammed on the breaks. I heard sirens racing up the trail behind us. Steve jumped out using the Bronco as cover. I crawled across the seats. I fell to the ground sending shots in the direction of the SUV. I looked around the front of the Bronco as they pulled two girls out of the back.

“They have two!” I yelled. I brought my gun up and shot two of the three goons. One of the girls ran forward.

It felt like everything slowed as the last man brought his gun up and aimed it towards the girl.

BANG

I watched as the girl crumpled to the ground. Steve whipped around and shot twice. The last girl ran towards me, throwing herself into my arms. I hugged her but couldn’t tear my eyes from the girl on the ground. Two cars flew into the clearing. Danny jumped out of the car and rushed towards us. I stared at the body. I felt the girl let go only to be ushered away by Danny. I felt Steve place his hand on my back and lead me to the side of the Bronco as the officers covered her body. All I could think about was her scared face. If I was quicker, If I was smarter, If I was… If I was…

“Y/N.”

“L/N”

“Princess.”

“Y/N” I felt someone’s hands on either side of my face. I looked into a pair of green eyes. They were full of worry, full of sorrow. I closed my eyes. “Don’t do this to yourself.” His hands were still on my face. Why was he touching me? Why did I like it? “You saved her.” he took a deep “You saved one person that is not failure.”

Steve drove back to the palace.

“I’ll be back.” He jumped out of the car slamming the door shut. I stared out the windshield. The glass was cracked in the bottom corner. I leaned forward running my fingers over the splintered glass. I’m thoroughly surprised that the entire window wasn’t shattered. My body felt numb but my mind was racing. I pushed my back against the seat pulling open the glovebox. I pulled out the pack of gum and popped two sticks in my mouth. Chewing on something calmed me down.

The drivers door opened and Steve pulled himself up.

“Gum?” I offered. He nodded and took a stick. Which surprised me he didn’t seem like a gum guy. I looked out the window as we drove, The ocean sparkled under the moon. I didn’t recognize where we were but I didn’t bother asking. Hawaii was beautiful at night.

He pulled into a driveway before making his way to my side of the Bronco.

“Where are we?”

“You’re staying with me.” He held his hand out for me. I didn’t argue. Any rational thought went out the window as he led me inside. His house was nice. As soon as I walked through the door I saw the ocean on the other side of the house. He led me up the stairs, my feet grew heavy. “You can sleep here.” he opened the door to a bedroom. “There is a shower in there.” he pointed to a door on the opposite wall. “I’ll find you something to wear.” I nodded and started towards the shower.

“Hey Steve.” He turned to look at me. “Thank you.” He gave me his signature smile.

“Your welcome princess.”

I woke up surprisingly comfortable. A ray of sun shone through the blinds. The smell of the ocean and bacon pulled at my senses, I groaned as I opened my eyes. Where was I? The clock read 10:35. I pushed the comforter off and set my feet on the hardwood. I opened the door and stumbled through the hallway and down the stairs. I heard muffled voices from the kitchen so decided to start there.

“Did you hear what happened when she was with Kono?”

“No, I’ll ask her about it.” Steve’s voice cut in. I rounded the corner to see Danny sitting at the island, he raised his coffee.

“Morning Babe.” I raised my eyebrow at the nickname.

“He calls everyone babe.” Steve cut in.

“Nice shirt.” I looked down to see a SEALS shirt. I pinched it and pulled it away from my skin.

“What did you do to get me in this?” I muttered in fake disgust. Steve looked at me and laughed. The skin around his eyes crinkled as he smiled.

“You put that on yourself princess.” I dropped the shirt and slumped into the stool next to Danny.

“In all seriousness,” I started causing Danny and Steve to look at me. “I won’t be like this after every case.”

“We know.” Danny said, bumping my shoulder with his.

“What?”

“It was too much too soon.” Steve said, setting a plate of pancakes in front of me and Danny.

“But you were amazing.” Danny said stuffing pancakes into his mouth. “We need you on the team.” I looked across the island to Steve who smiled.

“Welcome to the team princess.”

#steve mcgarrett x reader #steve mcgarrett #steve x reader #hawaii 5-0 #Hawaii 5-O imagines #hawaii 5-0 imagines #hawaii 5-0 headcanons #hawaii 5-0 x reader #hawaii #hawaii five 0 #hawaii five 0 imagine

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heyyyharry · 4 years

Text

Chapter 12: Closure

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Stay Mine)

…in which they’re the most happy they’ve ever been.

Warning: smut

Word count: 5.1k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Wattpad link (Thea as Y/N)

There are three chapters left :)

This felt like a dream. He’d awoken beside her so many times before but it wasn’t until this morning that it felt official. He lay on his side with an arm folded under his head, taking in her sleeping face. She looked so beautiful and serene, just staring at her alone gave him butterflies in his stomach. He thought he was too old to feel this way; butterflies sounded so juvenile, but he was way past feeling embarrassed about it.

As if she could read his mind, her mouth gave a subtle twitch, and he could tell she was awake.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

Her eyelids fluttered as she blinked lazily at him. “I love it when you pull an Edward Cullen.”

Her voice was hoarse from last night, the memories of which made his hard cock jerk slightly. He stroked her naked side and dragged her closer. She nuzzled his neck as he kissed her forehead.

“You’re so warm,” she said. “And hard.”

He let out a small gasp as her cold fingers closed around his cock. All it took was her touch and Harry was a goner. Sex had been added to their morning routine a long time ago, but the idea of them getting to do this more often now that she lived here made it all more exciting.

They made love, and she’d come twice before he carried her to the shower so she could wash up and wouldn’t be late for work.

“There’s no need to rush,” she reassured him while he was washing her hair. “I’m buying us some more time together. I’m sure Eddie doesn’t miss me, but I’ll surely miss you.”

The beam on her face made his heart leap. He grinned, massaging her scalp while holding her gaze. “Look at you. We’ve only lived together for one day and you’ve already become clingy.”

She nodded and spread the soap across his chest. “By next week, I’ll be crying and hugging your legs when you leave for work. Don’t say I haven’t warned ya.”

He laughed and playfully bumped his forehead against hers. “Come on, Princess. Let’s get you cleaned and I’ll drive you to work.”

Eddie was over the moon to see Harry again. He literally pushed right past Y/N before she could say hello and tugged Harry into a hug. Harry hesitantly patted Eddie on the back, eyeing Y/N questioningly. She could only answer with a shrug while trying not to laugh at Eddie’s fangirling moment.

“Congratulations on your Oscar nomination!” Eddie pulled back, gripping Harry’s arms and grinning from ear to ear. “It’s just two weeks away! Are you excited? What are you gonna wear? Oooh, how are you gonna style your hair?”

“Jesus, let the man breathe, Ed.” Alice emerged from behind one of the shelves and ambled toward them, her burgundy lips arched at Harry. “I’m so sure you’re gonna win. You’re the best actor of our generation.”

“You’ve never watched any movie the other actors were in.” Eddie’s remark earned him a warning glare from Alice.

Harry laughed and waved her compliment away. “Don’t hype me up. It’ll just make me cry harder when I lose.”

“Don’t say that!” cried Alice.

Eddie turned to Y/N, his eyes gleaming. “Are you gonna attend the Oscars?”

“Of course!” She tousled Harry’s hair and smiled widely. “I cannot miss a chance to see Harry cry in public.”

“Jesus, be optimistic, you two!” Alice yelled, and Y/N responded with a shrug, pursing her lips.

“Lose or win, I’ll cry anyway,” Harry interjected.

“See?” Y/N pinched his chin and tiptoed to kiss his temple. “Only I get him the most.”

“Disgusting,” Alice jokingly coughed as she rolled her eyes and told them she’d have to finish sorting the new arrivals. Eddie seemed relieved that Alice was gone; he was desperate to have Harry’s attention again.

“So.” A smile crept up to his face. “Have you written your acceptance speech yet? Or do you have someone write it for you?”

Y/N snapped her head up to look at Harry with her eyes wide. “I haven’t heard you mentioned your speech.”

“Don’t need one.” He shrugged and draped an arm around her neck. “It’s not like I’m gonna win.”

“Are you joking?!”

“Y/N’s right!” Eddie looked overly distressed. “You can’t possibly think you’re not gonna win.”

Harry pursed his lips and let out a sigh. “This is my first nomination ever. And have you seen the people I’m up against? I’m just happy I got nominated, really.”

“Baby.”

“Yes, baby?”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as she crossed her arms. “No, I’m calling you a baby. I’m insulting you.” The way she scrunched up her face cracked him right up. “I’m not joking! You have to take this seriously. What does Jeff have to say about this?”

“Up to you.”

“What?”

“He said, ‘Up to you.’” Harry chuckled. “So I guess it’s up to me.”

She scowled at him. “We’re so having this conversation tonight.”

“Uh-oh, is this where I regret asking you to move in with me?”

“You two are living together?” Eddie brightened, but then Y/N pressed her whole palm to his face and gently pushed him aside. If Harry didn’t know them, he might think she was the owner of this shop and Eddie was working for her.

“Have a good day, Eddie,” Harry told the lad and pressed a kiss to Y/N’s pouty lips. “I’ll pick you up tonight?”

Her expression softened with a beam. “I’ll stop by my place to collect some stuff. Once I’m done, I’ll call you.”

“All right.”

“Harry?” He turned, both eyebrows raised as she walked up to him and grabbed his face with both hands. He bit his lips to stifle a laugh since she looked so ridiculously serious. “Write that goddamn speech.”

“I’ll think about it,” he gleefully told her and ruffled her hair before heading out.

As soon as he got back to his car, his phone buzzed aggressively inside his pocket and he didn’t even have to check to know who was calling.

Gemma.

He considered her name for a long moment until he felt someone watching and spotted a random girl standing across the street, pointing her phone at him. This was why he hated showing his face in public. He waved politely at her and watched her squeal and run back to her group of friends. Hurriedly, he got into his car and drove off, crossing another crossroads before pulling over to answer his phone.

Gemma seemed determined to talk to him. He heaved a sigh as his thumb lingered above the screen, his eyes rolled skyward. Last night, he’d promised Y/N that he would give Gemma and Isaac a chance to properly apologize and explain themselves; he couldn’t back away now.

He slid his thumb across the screen and answered. “Hello?”

“Can we talk, please?” Gemma asked, sounding nervous and uncertain. “All three of us. You, me, and Isaac.”

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “Okay. Where do we meet?”

“The coffee shop by your house?”

“All right. I’ll be there in fifteen.”

“Thank you.”

Harry only hummed as he didn’t know how to respond to that. He hoped he could manage to keep his composure when he saw the two of them together.

Gemma couldn’t recall the days when her family, all four of them, were happy together. She couldn’t recall how her parents had grown to hate each other. She didn’t even know what had been their first serious fight from which everything had fallen to pieces. When she’d been a little girl, her parents would always send her to her room before they’d started a fight. She’d thought they hadn’t wanted her to be scared. Now that she was older, she knew they had sent her to her room so she wouldn’t overhear something that would ruin her childhood. Somehow she was thankful for that.

However, one night, she had sat in the shadow of the stairwell, peering through the bannisters and eavesdropping them arguing in the kitchen. She’d heard something about a woman named Aleigh, or Alex, or Ally, and had assumed it’d been someone her parents had known from work. That woman turned out to be Emilia’s mother. Even back then, when Gemma hadn’t known who that woman was, she could already tell that that woman had been the reason for her parents’ endless fights, and she had resented the woman she’d never met before. She guessed she’d been right after all. Twenty years had gone by and that woman was still the reason for Gemma’s and Harry’s misery.

When Gemma had told Harry that Emilia’s mother was still alive and Emilia and Winton had been using him all this time, he’d been so calm it’d frightened Gemma. After much thinking, it’d occurred to her that maybe he’d known all along, not really known, but he’d felt something wrong and decided to overlook it all so he could live in the fantasy where Winton was good and misunderstood.

“I’m going to see him.”

“What?” Harry almost spilt the drink in his hand as he flinched. “Why? Gemma, this is—”

“I’m just gonna say a few words and then leave.”

Harry’s gaze jumped to Isaac. “Did you know about this?”

“Yes,” Isaac said.

“And you also agree she should go see the man who’s fucked us both over.” It wasn’t a question and Harry sounded genuinely pissed as he ruffled his hair and exhaled sharply. “Look, you don’t have to do this for me, Gem,” he told her. “The things I gave them, just...let’s just think of those things as an act of kindness. Just cut them out of our lives and get on with it. They don’t deserve that much of our headspace—”

“I want closure, Harry,” she blurted. “It’s easy to just cut people off but they’ll never really leave you alone until you have the final words.”

“You already wrote him a letter.”

“How do I know he’s read it? Besides, that was before I knew about the shady things he did with his new daughter.” She tried not to sound bitter, but from the look Isaac and Harry were giving her, she guessed it hadn’t worked.

“Okay, then I’d go with you,” Harry said.

“No way,” she scoffed.

Beside her, Isaac straightened. “Harry’s got a point. I can’t let you go alone.”

She whipped her head to him. “Winton’s not gonna hit me.”

All three of them froze. Harry mirrored her reaction with his eyes bugging out and his mouth hanging open. She couldn’t believe she’d said that.

“Gem,” Harry ventured, and her heart was thumping so loud it almost drowned out all the other noises. “You weren’t in a car accident the other night, were you?” She didn’t answer, but her unconsciously touching the bandage on her forehead had confirmed his guess. “That son of a bitch!” he half-shouted, receiving questioning stares from a few people around them.

“Winton didn’t—”

“Asher did that to you,” Harry asserted and then grabbed his phone. “I’ll call my lawyer right now.”

Gemma hadn’t got a chance to stop him when Isaac interjected, “Or we can just go to his house and beat the shit out of him.”

Harry slammed his phone down. “Great idea.”

“Stop! Both of you!” Gemma cried out and flung an apologetic glance at the couple sitting across the aisle, who were just trying to enjoy their breakfast in peace. She then turned back to Harry and Isaac, her arms folded, her fists clenched. “Just...let me handle this. I’m gonna handle this myself. I know you care about me but I’m not afraid of Asher. I mean, I was...but not anymore.” She shook her head to make the memories of that night vanish. “He’s gonna pay for what he did, but I’m here to talk about Winton and you’re not going with me, Harry. I want to speak to him alone.”

Harry was quiet for a moment, but he didn’t seem too opposed to the idea anymore. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked at last, his forehead creased. “About Asher and about...you two.”

“It’s...it’s me.” Isaac cleared his throat, giving Gemma a sideways glance. “I didn’t want to let you know—”

She held up a hand to stop him. “Isaac, don’t. You don’t have to take the blame. It was me,” she told Harry. “I was too afraid that you’d judge me and–and you’d get mad at both of us.”

“I would’ve got mad anyway,” he breathed. “But I’m not gonna abandon you or think any worse of you. You’re my sister and I love you, Gem.”

“I cheated on my boyfriend—”

“Who abused you.”

It hurt to hear her brother say the word. If no one had addressed it, she could have just pretended it’d never happened. But it had. Her ex-boyfriend had abused her, and it was just another ugly reality she had to face.

“Still, I could’ve left,” she whispered, eyes on her half-empty cup of coffee.

Harry reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Gem, he wasn’t allowed to lay a finger on you no matter what you did.” She looked up and met his soft look. “I promise I won’t interfere,” he went on, “but can you promise me you will fuck up his life?”

She exhaled a laugh and nodded. “Promise.”

Harry leaned back into his chair, crossed his arms and considered Isaac. “What are your intentions with my sister?”

Gemma face-palmed herself as she felt Isaac squirm in his seat, apparently unsure if Harry was being serious or simply joking.

“I just want to make her happy, H,” he said. “If you don’t trust me, you can ask Y/N—”

“Just as I was about to forgive you!” Harry gasped dramatically, and Isaac let out a laugh. He exchanged looks with Gemma. Both were relieved to know that Harry wasn’t against them. “I’m glad that you two are happy,” Harry continued. “This is a bit weird but...I’ll get used to it.” Then he pinned Isaac with his glare. “If you break her heart, I will kick your ass.” To Gemma, he said, “And if you break his heart, I will tell mum.”

“Classic.” She snorted and rolled her eyes. “By the way, congratulations. Heard you moved in with Y/N.”

Harry’s eyes went round. “Who told you?”

“Y/N told Alice who told Niall who told me,” Isaac said.

Gemma folded her arms on the table, leaning forward. “Alice and Niall, huh?”

Harry waved off her speculations. “Niall would’ve told us.” Then he jolted with a start. “Well shit, maybe he wouldn’t.”

“The next time I see him, I’ll make him talk,” Isaac asserted. He and Harry fist-bumped, and Gemma couldn’t stop the smile on her face.

Y/N knew she’d run into him. He always got home early on Monday night, and still, she’d hoped she wouldn’t get unlucky. When had luck ever been in her favour twice a day?

She was locking the door with one arm carrying a box full of books when a voice came up from behind, “Do you need a hand?” And she felt her stomach clench and sweat trickle down her temple.

She looked over her shoulder, forcing a smile. “It’s fine, I got it. Thank you.”

Blake stood there with his laptop bag slung over his shoulder, waiting for her to finish, waiting for the conversation she’d been running from. Last night, she’d told Harry to talk to Gemma and Isaac and get his thoughts across, so she couldn’t possibly go against her own advice and avoid Blake until he moved back to the States. She might never see him again once he’d left, but she would never stop pondering over the things she could have said but didn’t.

She squeezed her eyes shut and slowly turned, curses springing up in her head. She hoped he couldn’t see past her tight smile, and if he did, it didn’t show.

Blake’s gaze fell to the box she was holding as he raised an eyebrow. “So you’re finally moving in with Harry.”

“Yes,” she answered then quickly added, “It has nothing to do with–”

“Me.”

Her mouth clamped shut.

She’d known this encounter would be awkward, just not this awkward. Her first instinct was to look around frantically as if seeking a place to run and hide. Blake seemed to notice her weird behaviours. He shifted from one foot to the other, staring at them like he normally would every time he got nervous. Whenever she saw him do something like this, she would see the sixteen-year-old boy she’d fallen in love with, then she would remember what he’d done to Laura, to her, and the picture of that sixteen-year-old boy would fade to black.

She heaved a sigh, held his gaze and nodded her head at the stairs going up to the next floor. He automatically followed. He put down his laptop bag beside his leg, and she hugged the box to her chest awkwardly. They sat on the bottom stair side by side. Something about the mood reminded her of their last afternoon together in Holmes Chapel. Their first goodbye. For all she knew, this could be their last.

“How did you meet Laura?” she broke the silence and watched Blake fidget uneasily. It was comforting to know that they felt the same about this situation.

“Her ex-husband was my professor,” he confessed.

“Well, shit.”

Her mindless response made him chuckle. “Yeah...Shit.”

“Were you in love?” This time, he cast her a questioning glance. “With Laura?” she ventured.

“No, I don’t think so,” he admitted. “I was really attracted to her. I’ve got a thing for smart and powerful women.”

She pursed her lips and released a long breath. “I mean, if I went to Yale, I would probably have a thing for smart and powerful women, too.”

He chuckled and waved off her comment. “Nah, it’s not Yale. I just always have.”

She blinked at him. When he caught her stare, she averted her eyes and tucked a strand behind her ear. He didn’t need to explain himself. She knew he’d meant her – she’d been the first ‘smart and powerful’ woman he’d fallen for, which should have made her feel flattered, but all she felt was sadness for Laura. Y/N knew what it was like to be wholeheartedly in love with someone who only loved one small part of you.

“Your book is still getting published, right?” Blake changed the subject, or maybe he really cared. Either way, she was relieved.

“Yes. Maybe I’ll send you a copy when it comes out?”

A hopeful grin lit up his face. “That’d be so cool. Can you sign it first?”

“Sure.”

Silence ensued.

“I’m not sure if you know this,” Blake trailed off. “But you smile the brightest when you talk about books...and him.”

Y/N was taken aback. She opened her mouth but didn’t know what to say. Blake smiled as if to tell her he wasn’t expecting a response, and it wasn’t until then that she noticed he also smiled the brightest when he was with her, even if they were talking about another man, the one she loved.

“I’m sorry for everything,” he spoke when she didn’t. “I was so selfish. I said I was doing it for you, but I guess I was doing it for me, too. I thought it could help me get you back, but it was never up to me to decide.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled. That sounded so out of place, but she didn’t know what else to say to him.

“Can we still talk sometimes?” he asked and bumped his shoulder against hers. “When I’m over you, of course.”

She was so relieved to hear his playful tone again. “And when will that be?”

He pursed his lips, his dark brows furrowed. “Let’s hope it won’t be too long.”

She said nothing, but she also wished that for him, and for them.

Gemma’s hands were shaking as she held the shoebox to her chest and knocked on the door. A voice from inside the flat told her to wait just a moment. She shivered as it was the first time in twenty years or so that she’d heard that voice again.

The door was unlocked, and she was standing in front of the man whose face had become a blur in her memories. He was much older now, still, something about him made her feel like time had never passed, and it’d been yesterday when she’d chased after his car, crying and begging him not to leave her behind. The only difference was, he was in a wheelchair now, and she no longer wanted him back.

“Can I come in?” she asked in a neutral tone despite the emotions in his eyes. She knew it wasn’t because he was happy to see her again after that many years. Winton was just shocked and scared to see her after what he and Emilia had done.

He had no choice but to invite her in. She took a seat on the couch in front of him, the shoebox on her lap. The first thing she set eyes on was the massive picture of him, Emilia and her mother. Gemma’s heart sank as she bit her lip and looked away immediately.

Winton asked her if she’d like some tea, and she refused. “I suppose your daughter has told you everything.”

He seemed startled by how straightforward she was. What did he expect, though? ‘Hello, how are you, Dad’? Never in a million years.

“I-I feel awful–” he started, but she wasn’t interested in hearing the rest.

“Save it,” she cut him off. “I have questions and I demand answers.”

“Yes, yes...of...of course,” he stammered, unable to look her in the eyes. “You deserve that.”

She almost said he was in no position to tell her what she deserved, but then she contained her anger and went straight to the point. “Were you cheating on Mum?”

His eyes grew big. When he received a stern look from her, he lowered his head and whispered, “Yes.”

She calmly nodded. “Did you leave us because that woman was pregnant with Emilia?”

“Yes.”

“Was there anything real about the stories you told Harry?” she went on, fisting the hem of her dress. “The trainers. The day of his football match.”

“I was at the game,” Winton blurted, still not looking at her. “B-Because your mother asked me to come. But I could only watch you from afar. I was too afraid that you wouldn’t want to meet me.”

Coward.

She sat up straighter. “And the shoes?”

This time, he took more than a second to answer. “They were Emilia’s.”

Arsehole.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I swear I’m a better father now. Just ask Emilia–”

“You’re an arsehole,” she raised her voice, causing him to jump in shock. “I don’t care how well you treat your new family, but you don’t make people and abandon them. Harry was only five years old when you left us. I fucking chased after your goddamn car and you didn’t even stop to tell me why you had to leave. You’re...you’re a fucking coward!” She schooled her face, trying her best to keep her voice clear and calm. “You’re a shitty person and you don’t deserve our forgiveness. I’m just here to see for myself how pathetic you’ve become. And do you know what the worst thing is?” Tears stung her eyes as her voice dropped, “I cannot feel the slightest amount of joy to see you like this.”

He stared at her with a pained look on his face. She fought back her tears and slammed the shoebox on the coffee table. “Here are your daughter’s shoes.” And took out some bills from her purse, put it on top of the box. “Hospital bills,” she said before he could ask. “Harry told me to tell you you don’t have to pay him back. Not every act of kindness requires something in return. It was what Mum has taught us.”

“Gemma–”

She stood up quickly and straightened her dress. “If you or your daughter ever bother us again, our lawyers will contact you. Good luck, Winton. You’re gonna need it.”

The front door swung open, and Emilia froze when she saw Gemma. Gemma didn’t pay her a second glance as she made her way to the front door as brushed past Emilia into the hallway. She didn’t look back. It felt like a ton of rocks had been lifted from her chest.

Now she could finally breathe, and move on.

“What are those?”

Y/N descended the steps of the building and shoved the box into Harry’s arms, grinning. “Books. This is just a corner of my bookshelf, by the way.”

He laughed and put it into the car before turning back to wrap his arms around her. She buried her face into his chest as he kissed the top of her head. It felt nice to just be able to hold her like this after a long tiring day. He could do this on repeat for the rest of his life.

“Maybe I’ll build you your own library in my house,” he said as she pulled back. “Like in Beauty and the Beast.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “I never knew a Disney reference could turn me on so much.”

“It’s me actually. I turn you on.” He pinched her chin and pecked her on the lips. “By the way, I talked to Gemma and Isaac today.”

“I talked to Blake,” she said nonchalantly. “How did it go?”

“Good,” he said, brushing her hair out of her face as a wind blew right through them. She pressed her body against his own and he wrapped her in his coat, leaving only her head exposed. “Is it just me or is it really weird to see them together?”

“It’s not just you,” she giggled, arms tightened around his waist. “But Isaac’s a really great boyfriend so don’t you worry.”

“Shut up! I don’t need that reminder from you of all people.”

His reaction got her laughing. “I’m yours. I always have been.”

He already knew that, but hearing it from her made his heart flutter every time. “And I’m yours.” He kissed her nose. “I hope you told Blake that when you talked to him earlier.”

Her cheekbones lifted as the corners of her eyes crinkled. “Blake told me I only smiled the brightest when I talked about books and you. So I think he knows.”

“Good.” Harry shrugged. “Maybe he does deserve redemption.”

When they got home, she told him to take a shower first as she had some work she had to finish. He assumed it was just her Uni assignments so he didn’t ask.

As soon as he stepped out of the shower, he screamed and almost tripped when he saw her standing right in the bathroom, holding some papers. She looked extremely serious even though he was naked and dripping in front of her.

“Okay, I have a few options for you,” she said, handing him the pages with her scribbles all over them.

He wiped his hands with one of the towels on the rack and took the papers from her. “What are these?”

“Your potential acceptance speeches.” She clasped her hands behind her back, grinning from ear to ear. “I wrote them at work and polished them up while you were in the shower. I don’t know what mood you’d like to go for so…” She peered over his hands and pointed a finger to each page. “This one is ‘Men also cry’. This one...is ‘I’m better than all of you bitches.’ This one, my favourite, ‘I don’t deserve this but maybe I do but I don’t wanna sound like a conceited asshole’. And here–”

He didn’t let her finish and crashed his mouth against hers. Startled, she pushed him away with a hand on his chest. Her cheeks were flushed, and it wasn’t from the steam. “What did I say about kissing me while I’m talking?”

He shrugged, grabbed her by the hips and her first instinct was to wrap her legs around his waist as he pushed her against the tiled wall. She was kissing him back when she saw the speeches she’d written scattered on the wet floor, and she let out a gasp so loud and patted him frantically on the chest. “Wait, you haven’t read them!”

He refused to put her down, his kisses trailing along her throat. “I’m not gonna use them.”

“Why not?” She pouted but didn’t protest when he unbuttoned her dress and let it fall to his feet. She wasn’t wearing underwear underneath, and he wasted no time to suck a nipple into his mouth. She moaned softly, fingers dug into his shoulders.

“Because I’m gonna write my own speech,” he said into her neck, smirking when she grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged his head back so he’d look at her.

“Really?”

He nodded and pressed a chaste kiss to her cupid bow. “It’ll be for the best if I write it on my own.”

Her expression softened at once. “I trust you,” she said, brushing her thumb across his cheek. “When will I get to read it?”

“At the Oscars if we’re lucky.” He nudged her head back with his nose at her jaw and left open-mouthed kisses down her throat. She’d slid her hand between them, stroking his cock before guiding it to her entrance. She was so hot and wet and ready for him. His eyes squeezed shut as he laughed lowly into her skin. “Maybe I’d take you on the stage with me...and propose to you in front of the whole world.”

She gasped and eased down on his cock with a hand on his shoulder. Her eyelids fluttered and her voice was strained as she joked, “Don’t make me break up with you on live television, baby.”

He kissed her mouth again and thrust all the way in, making her drop her head back against the wall, panting heavily. “What a little brat,” he said through gritted teeth. “Normal people would find it romantic.”

“Have we ever been a normal couple?” she asked and bit his lip. “Now stop talking and fuck me.”

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