#why do you think I call myself Peter pan

[allthebestnamesweretaken]

The Peter Pan is really Rumplestiltskin’s dad reveal changed my life and I think about it every 2-3 business days

[punkpandapatrixk]

💝Valentine & White Day Love Transmission ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

In Japan and Korea, Valentine's is when femmes give gifts to hommes; and exactly a month after that, on March 14th, the hommes return that Love with white (preferably) gifts that are expected to be at least three times the value/price of whatever gifts they’d received from the femmes😏

Traditionally it’s kinda like that. Hmmm… isn’t it obvious the celebration has never had quite any meaning in a country such as Japan and that the festivity is nothing more than a heavily-commercialised youth-tradition focused on the pursuit of shallow material desires?🤮

But…I guess it’s OK; because it’s cute anyway🥴

Within the context of this reading, the Valentine and White Day Love Transmission imparts the perfect synchrony of the Love shared by the Divines Feminine and Masculine. It is when affection is given and returned in Love and everything becomes beautiful and worth living for~💝

SONG: Space Orphans by Aoba Ichiko

MOVIE: Peter Pan (2003)

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Pile 1 – Don’t give up just yet; I’m on my way!

8 of Cups Rx, 4 of Pentacles Rx, Knight of Cups Rx

Darling, are you on the precipice of giving up on me?! Do NOT settle for someone—ANYONE—who’s NOT me! OMG, babe! I’m coming! Divine Timing is just being a bitch but I’m on my way to you!🦎Well, the thing is…we both have this annoying thing called a spiritual transformation… Until that’s happened—and nearly completely—we can’t be together just yet. But wait, I promise you it’s all worth it in the end🎁

I mean, why wouldn’t you wait for someone like me? I’m romantic; kind and sweet; I AM RICH; and I will always be there to protect you—I intend to always be your confidant and best friend🥰I will never betray you in any way. I’m your best friend who will skip right next to you on our way to beat up a bitch; figuratively, babe—I’m not really the type of person who gets violent LOL

What I do mean is, I want to give you a Life in which you cease to worry about small things. I want it to be that when you’re with me you no longer worry about a lack of means, a lack of warmth, or a lack of security. You’re somebody who deserves to be loved and to be very happy; and I want to give it all to you. And that’s why it’s important for me to become the best version of myself first😝

I’ve got to admit I’ve not always been the nicest, goodest person to have walked on Earth. I’m changing my ways, you know. I’m growing up; I’m developing; I’ve now been awakened and I’m still working on me, so that when I finally meet you, I will not disappoint you. Because I will never want to be a reason you stopped believing in the good of people😤I intend to be the complete opposite of that.

Fall in love with me, my dear. Fall in love with Life again when you meet me. Life is an adventure and finding me has got to be the greatest story ever told. I’ll tell you all of my crazyass stories when we meet. And I’m longing to hear you talk of your losses and triumphs. We’ll both gaze at the stars and wonder how they aligned to have us meet in this lifetime. I will be so grateful.

You know, generally speaking, I’m somewhat of an extrovert and I socialise well and I think quite positively about people. Maybe you will worry that I’m a playa of sort but right now, let me promise you this one thing: I’M NOT! I’m friendly, my love, but it doesn’t mean I wanna fuck somebody who’s not you. I dunno, I kinda have the handsome face of a smooth operator but on the inside, I’m really NOT!😩I’m really quite romantic and I believe in true love.

And honestly, at this point in my Life, I know you’re out there being all destined for me. You’re all I want. I’m on my way. So don’t you settle for any low-quality slob. Get ready, baby~ KNOCK KNOCK~🪄🚪

A LIFE WITH YOU, MY LOVE🔻❤️

Priestesses of Purity & Divination

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Pile 2 – Everybody finds Love in the end; you included~

Ace of Cups Rx, 7 of Cups Rx, 4 of Wands

My Dear, I know Life has not treated you too kindly and your heart’s been broken too many times. It’s been pretty much like that for me, too! I’ve lived a very lonesome existence, wondering where my people are. Wondering if I’ll ever find Love in this lifetime. I know now that those whose hearts are tender find it harder to truly connect with someone. We’re not BROKEN! No, we’re not! The ‘problem’ with us is that we crave soul-deep connections~ And damn, that’s rare, indeed🍀

You know what I’m doing right now? I’m single as a pringle. I’m not opening my heart to anybody. My colleagues all think I’m crazy, offbeat, and even difficult, just because I ain’t settling. Tch, I’m the only one noticing all of their subpar relationships, and some of them are not even the slightest bit happy with the partnership they’ve got. I don’t want that. For fuck’s sake I DON’T want that, ever! I’ve always had this strange, inexplicable feeling, that people are supposed to marry whom they love.

I want LOVE. I crave that shit so bad I dunno what I’m gonna do with myself🙈

One thing I know for sure though: if I’m not with you, you who are just like me, everything in the world is pointless. There is only calm in my world when I’m thinking of you. I don’t even know who you are; but I get optimistic every time I indulge in thoughts of finding you. I… fantasise a lot…?🌈Do you ever think about me? Does your heart bloom with a peculiar kind of softness when you touch upon my consciousness?💫

I am out here in this Star System. Dream of me. Want me more. And believe that we can manifest each other through resonance. We are so much closer than you fear us to be, my Dear. You have to believe in me. The Stars have begun to align and Earth’s temperature is nearing just right🍵Our time is here :D When dreams become Reality and all that’s ever been sad turn to glory, what would you do?

I know what you’re gonna do: you’re going to be married to me😝We’re going to start a new chapter of our lives together and be very happy and abundant. I’m gonna help you prove everybody who’s ever hurt you, gaslit you into believing that you’re hard to love very, very wrong😒All of that gas, when I light the match, is gonna burn their entire house down!🔥

OK, I’m a bit crazy, but anyway—

You do know that good people always find Love in the end, right? That’s just how it always is in fairy tales. You know fairy tales are more real than any of Hollywood’s propaganda, right?🐵Right??🙊I love you. I have loved you for what feels like an eternity. Return to me now. Come home to me, my Love. I am You; you are Me. We’re going to turn everything back to balance; we’re gonna create Heaven on Earth; a harmonious Life of you and me; so have faith in us~🎎

A LIFE WITH YOU, MY LOVE🔻💙

Priestesses of Integrity & Solitude

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Pile 3 – You are someone’s Dream Come True; you ever thought about that??

9 of Cups, 2 of Cups, King of Cups

You, are someone’s Wish Fulfilment; you ever thought about that? No, of course not; you only thought about yourself and how lacking you are as a person blablabla😡Don’t you know there’s a little someone walking this Earth who’d be SO glad to have you in their Life? Yup, that someone is ME😏You are a treasure of a gal/boy and if you’ve been surrounded by fools who can’t see that, it’s because you’re meant to travel the world and meet me~!

Have a change of scenery; you aren’t meant to thrive and live and die on the land you were born. When you cross borders and seas and realms, you’ll meet people of other cultures and points of view who are going to be more appreciative of the good you’ve been mocked(?) for🥰I promise you, babe~ You are where you are (or were) only because it was part of your Soul’s contract to learn about contrasts.

When all’s said and done, you’re going to be THE most interesting person anybody could listen to!🍿I, for one, could listen to you aaalll week long if you ever want to HAHAHA

My heart right now is like half-full, babe; I’m still waiting for you to appear in my Life. You probably won’t like hearing this because you’re independent, and you’re strong, and rebellious, but… I want you to be mine!🌹I don’t mean that I wish to suffocate you, no, it’s not like that at all… What I mean is, I wish to be the only one who could make you happy, for that would make me feel special🌞

I know I’m silly, I’m sorry~🥰I want to bring stability and certainty into your Life; that much I can say with clarity, for surely, you and I, we’re going to be pouring into each other’s Cups. We’re gonna be the kind of couple who can read each other’s minds and burst out laughing when we see something only we find funny without even exchanging words😂All of that, because of shared empathy~

Honestly, I couldn't care less for all the treasures in the world; I only want you around. Maybe that makes me a romanticist? Hm, that word doesn’t quite encompass all the feelings I have for you. All the things I wish to share with you. All that I’d do for you. What I know is that this is no mere romance; I LOVE you, you know? It goes so much deeper than that🌊

I’m mature, nurturing and caring. Find me, my Love. I’ll nurse you back to health—spiritually and everythingally; I’ll be the reason your faith in Humanity is restored. Actually, it doesn’t even matter; I just want you to trust in me, see yourself through my eyes, see how wonderful of a being you are. I want you to trust in yourself. You’re so fucking special. You’re MY very special kind of Wish Fulfilment☃️

A LIFE WITH YOU, MY LOVE🔻💗

Priestesses of Love & Healing

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[filmmakerdreamst]

P.J.Hogan's 'Peter Pan' is still an underrated masterpiece 20 years later

Peter Pan is a live-action fantasy adventure film directed by P. J. Hogan that reimagines the classic story of Peter and Wendy. The screenplay was written by P. J. Hogan and Michael Goldenberg and was released in cinemas in December 2003. The screenplay is based on the 1904 play Peter Pan, or The Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Upand the classic novel Peter Pan by J.M.Barrie, which was originally published under the title Peter and Wendy.

The film tells the story of a young Edwardian girl, Wendy Darling (Rachel Hurd-Wood) and her two younger brothers John and Michael. On the night she is told she must grow up, a wild, fairy-like boy called Peter Pan (Jeremy Sumpter) flies into her room with his high-maintenance fairy Tinkerbell. When he learns that she tells stories, he whisks Wendy and her two brothers away to a magical Island called Neverland — where you supposedly don’t “grow up” — so that she can mother his henchmen, the Lost Boys. There she fights pirates led by the evil Captain Hook (Jason Isaacs), meets mermaids, dances with fairies, falls in love and grows up.

I have strong family connections tied to Peter and Wendy and J.M.Barrie. My great, great uncle Nico was one of the sons of Sylvia Llewelyn Davies'. He and his other brothers "the Lost Boys" were adopted by J.M.Barrie; which ultimately inspired him to write Peter Pan. Nico’s daughter Laura — my cousin — who I met for the first time a few years ago, told me that she was flown to Australia for the filming of P.J. Hogan’s Peter Pan because she was J.M.Barrie’s goddaughter. She told me that she was thrilled with the cast, especially Jason Isaacs, who played Captain Hook and Mr Darling. She also mentioned that Jeremy Sumpter, who played Peter Pan, was a lovely boy. However, she said she was very surprised and sad that the film wasn’t a big success as she really liked what they did with the story. I have loved the fairytale of Peter Pan from a young age, and learning that I am literally part of the family that inspired the story was very exciting and I’ve only begun to internalise it more as I’ve grown older.

When I was in my mid-twenties, I was diagnosed with a high level of Autism. One of my main symptoms was labelled “ageless”, which in simple terms means that one half of me is still a child that I can’t mentally leave behind. I can’t do many things that most adults can do, such as pay bills, drive a car, look after my own well being etc. I flap my hands when I get excited. I bounce. I sometimes speak in a baby voice. I overcommit to things I enjoy. I admit that it was hard to come to terms with the diagnosis when I first received it. But over time, I’ve come to believe that the two can coexist in a healthy way. I believe that I am an adult who is able to develop and grow while still carrying the child within me, and that this is not seen as a bad thing. I think Peter and Wendy can be seen as a reflection of that.

I was first introduced to P.J. Hogan’s Peter Pan a few years after it was released (I was maybe nine or ten years old), and I absolutely loved it. It wasn’t only one of my favourite film adaptations, but one of my favourite movies of all time. What surprised me most about the film at that age was how dark and gruesome it was, and full of this underlying sexual tension that I hadn’t expected at all from Peter Pan. Even today, this film still has a special place in my heart. It is made with so much passion and love for the original text that I can automatically put myself back into the story. After watching the film again as an adult, I almost immediately opened my copy of Peter and Wendy and started reading. I would even go so far as to say that I prefer the film to the book. However, part of me wishes that the age rating had been set much higher, as the dark and gruesome moments were some of the strongest parts of the film adaptation. This is possibly why some critics and viewers had difficulty categorising the film at the time.

However, I often consider P.J.Hogan’s Peter Pan to be the same equivalent as Joe Wright’s Pride and Prejudice. (which came out a few years later in 2005, starring Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen). The film moves at the same dreamlike pace. It is light, dark, colourful and deeply romantic.

I also often prefer P.J.Hogan’s Peter Pan to the 1953 Disney Animation of the same name, even though it’s the version I grew up with and liked. I find it much less straightforward and innocent. Also, the 2003 film is much closer to the original source material, which I loved reading as a teenager, and to J.M.Barrie’s original vision. The film manages to reflect the same intellectual subtext and depth of the novel while retaining the whimsy and magic.

Magical Realism

Peter Pan was a perfect blend of fantasy and realism. A lot of media these days focus too much on “realism” and make their sets and CGI look bland and washed out. It’s a common myth these days that no one likes whimsy anymore; it’s somehow seen as too childish. As a result, much of the magic of fantasy is lost. But in this Peter Pan, a lot of colour was used in the set design and cinematography. Everything was so brightly and colourfully lit. Most fantasy films these days, including the new live-action adaptation of Peter Pan and Wendy on Disney+, are all so gloomy and dark. You almost have to light up the screen to make out the actors’ facial expressions or what’s happening in the scene. But this film understands that a viewer who watches fantasy wants to be swept away, but also wants a certain amount of believability. Although the film contained a good amount of darkness, it did not shy away from being cartoonish either (which I think was partly inspired by the Disney animation), i.e. characters blushing or bouncing on the clouds.

The design of Neverland was breathtaking. I think the CGI, although criticised by some, made the island and creatures look more dreamy and fairytale-like. It was a good combination of CGI for the landscapes and real backdrops for the jungle, so there was enough magic and believability to transport the viewer into the story. A bright colour palette was used for the landscapes, while down-to-earth colours such as browns and greens were used on the ground, such as in “The Lost Boys Hide” under the tree, to give a sense of realism. The costume department also reflected this, from the majestic reds and blacks of the pirates, to the earthly colours of blue and red for the Native Americans, to the natural greens and browns of the Lost boys. I noticed that the colours in Neverland were used as a contrast to the Edwardian London back home, which is realistic but dull compared to the island.

One aspect I liked was that the lighting on Neverland always changed depending on the mood of the scene- unlike the naturalistic lighting on Earth. It was almost as if the island was a living being. For example, when there was a fight on the ship, the lighting was red. When Peter took Wendy to the mermaids, who were scary and frightening, the lighting was dark and blue. This created a surrealistic atmosphere, almost like a fever dream or a kind of nightmare.

Sometimes the environment changed depending on Peter Pan’s mood in the respective scene. I particularly liked how Peter Pan influenced the weather on Neverland. Just his mere presence when he flew to the island changed the entire atmosphere in an instant. His feelings also determined whether it was summer or winter. In other words, its suggested in the film that the longer he has been there, the more the island has become a part of him, so that he can no longer leave it. It’s almost as if the island has transformed him into a magical being.

The exuberant musical score by James Newton Howard: I’ll never forget that. I think that was one of the first movies I saw where I actively noticed the music because it was so brilliant. Even today, the “Flying” soundtrack still gives me goosebumps. It perfectly encapsulates the whimsy, joy and imagination of Peter and Wendy. I loved that there were always different variations. One of my favourite pieces from the movie is ‘Fairy Dance’, which starts off cheerfully and moves up and down depending on the characters’ conflict/what they’re saying in the scene.

Cast

The cast of this film adaptation was magnificent. The look of all the actors not only matched the book description, but also the mood, especially with the Darling family. One of the standouts was Olivia Williams as Mrs Darling. She captured the gentleness of the character perfectly. I also loved the new addition of Aunt Millicent, played by Lynn Redgrave. She fitted into the story so well that I was surprised not to find her in the novel. She had the perfect amount of ridiculousness and hilarity that suited J.M.Barrie’s style.

One particular member of the cast we can probably all agree on that was perfect, was Jason Isaacs, who played both Wendy’s father Mr Darling and Captain Hook. He was certainly a star in this film for sure. I just can not think of anyone who could play him better, especially in a live-action film adaptation. He was particularly good in the role of Captain Hook. When I first saw the film as a child, I did not know that Captain Hook and Mr Darling were played by the same person until my dad pointed it out to me because he was so good. I loved how they portrayed Wendy’s dad as shy and reserved, as opposed to Captain Hook who was flamboyant and sinister. Mirror versions of each other in different realities — that’s a common theme throughout the film. As Captain Hook, Jason Isaacs perfectly captured the essence of viciousness, deviousness and brutality that was necessary for the character. But also the deep loneliness and frustration behind it all. I have seen a quote that was supposedly cut from the film (and never should have been) that provides so much context for his hatred of Peter Pan:

“Imagine a lion in a cage and into that cage flies a butterfly. If the lion was free, it would pay no heed to such creature. But the lion is not free…and so the butterfly drives him slowly insane.” — Captain Hook

They did a really good job of showing how Peter Pan and Captain Hook are mirror images of each other. Peter Pan is a child who secretly wants to be an adult, while Captain Hook is an adult who secretly wants to be a child. Both fight each other for different reasons, but the goal is the same. For example, there is a great scene towards the end where Captain Hook uses his wits to defeat Peter in a fight. Here it becomes clear that there is deep symbolism for the inevitability of adulthood and the loss of childhood. Jason Isaacs really showed off his acting talent here. I liked that he wasn’t portrayed as a “dumb villain”, which he easily could have been.

There were also some great performances among the adults. Most notable was Richard Briers as the ‘pirate’’ Smee. But the child actors, especially the lost boys, really held the movie together. Their solid performances made it so believable that the island was ruled by children. I loved Theodore Chester as Slightly. He was very charming and funny in that role.

Another member of the cast I thought was brilliant was Carsen Grey, an indigenous actress of Haida descent, who played Princess Tiger Lily. I liked that they let her speak her ancestral language, Mohican, in this film. Although this film came out in the early 2000s, it is the only version of Peter and Wendy in which Native Americans are neither erased nor white-washed even though the representation is far from great. Considering how they’re treated in the novel, it’s perhaps for the best overall that they limited some of their scenes. However, I liked how firey she was in this adaptation and not the damsel in distress she was portrayed as in the Disney animation. I think it was a wise decision to cut the infatuation she had with Peter Pan, as it was really just one line in the book that would have added unnecessary drama, and all in all, it would have fallen short if all the female characters were jealous of each other.

They also downplayed Tinkerbell’s jealousy in this regard, portraying it more as her trying to protect Peter Pan’s youth from romantic advances, as hinted at in the novel, and also being sad that Wendy is attracting all of Peter Pan’s attention. Ludivine Sagnier has, in my opinion, succeeded well in making Tinkerbell equally repulsive and endearing, as befits the character.

Wendy Darling

Rachel Hurd-Wood was the perfect cast for the role of Wendy Darling.I was actually surprised to learn that this was her first film role ever, because she was a natural. She effortlessly possessed the same caring nature and charm that makes Wendy so endearing. She is exactly how I imagine the character when I read the story. When people talk about Peter and Wendy, they always mention Tinkerbell, Pan or Hook, but personally I am always drawn to Wendy. She is the real heroine of the story. After all, she was the main reason for Peter to bring her and her brothers to Neverland.

What always amazes me about Wendy’s role in the story is the fact that Wendy literally doesn’t spend much time being a “child” in the time she spends in Neverland. When she’s not escaping death at the hands of mermaids or pirates, she acts as a mother to the ‘lost boys’ and her brothers. She asks herself what she really wants from life. In comparison, she was allowed to behave more like a child at home in Edwardian London. Neverland is not a place where you never grow up. It’s the place where she chooses to grow up. Many people have described Neverland as a manifestation of Wendy’s subconscious as a result of trauma, and I’ve never found that to be more true in this adaptation.

One of the reasons why I think P.J. Hogan’s Peter Pan is the best adaptation of the novel is the fact that the film revolves around Wendy’s coming of age. I loved that they expanded on her love of storytelling and also gave her a tomboyish streak. Instead of just being on the sidelines, she’s able to get involved and fight pirates while retaining many of her feminine traits such as her maternal instincts and romantic feelings for Peter. She makes mistakes and sometimes gets dragged into things she knows she shouldn’t do. But in the end, she triumphs.

In many film adaptations of Peter and Wendy that I have seen, Wendy is either only present in passing or not at all. Characters like Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell always take centre stage, which I think is a strange decision as they are part of Wendy’s story and not the other way around. Peter Pan is meant to metaphorically represent the childhood she does not want to give up (which is why the character is always played by a woman in the original play, as he is a mirror image of Wendy). And Captain Hook (J.M.Barrie also wanted him to be played by the same actor as Mr Darling) represents the dark side of her father, or rather what she imagines adulthood to be. This is particularly emphasised in this film adaptation because he is an important factor in her being told to grow up. The father, the concept of adulthood, and Peter Pan, her childhood, are at constant war with each other.

“You’re not supposed to be like Peter, who kept every good and bad aspect of being a child and can’t tell right from wrong. You’re not supposed to be Hook, either. He let go of everything childish and loving about him and became bitter and evil..You’re supposed to fall in the middle, to hold onto the things about childhood that make it beautiful — the wonder, the imagination, the innocence — while still growing up and learning morality and responsibility. You’re not supposed to be Hook. You’re not supposed to be Peter Pan. You’re supposed to be Wendy Darling.” — @maybe-this-time

The 2023 film Peter Pan and Wendy took a different approach, by making Wendy a kind of powerhouse who always saved the day and outshone Peter Pan overall. In my opinion, the 2003 film adaptation emphasised very well that Wendy really is the yin and yang. She's allowed to be romantic, be rescued by others and at the same time determine her own destiny and stand up for herself. Because that’s what her journey in the adaptation is all about. She is pressured by all the adults in her life to grow up. She allows herself to be seduced with the prospect of an eternal childhood by Peter Pan. Then she realises that it is not self-fulfilling. She is tempted by Captain Hook with the concept of adulthood. And finally, she finds a balance between these two extremes on her own terms. By the end of the film, Wendy has made her peace with growing up while still remaining a child at heart. That requires a certain mental strength that we should all strive for.

Peter Pan and Wendy Darling

In most adaptations of Peter and Wendy, such as Hook and Syfy’s Neverland, the focus is on the title character Peter. In the more recent film adaptation Peter Pan and Wendy, the focus is on Wendy. This film adaptation of Peter and Wendy, on the other hand, sticks more closely to the original source material, as the story focuses on Peter and Wendy’s relationship. This is perhaps the reason why I always hesitate when I watch other adaptations, because these two characters are supposed to go together. It’s definitely a relationship that can be portrayed in all sorts of ways because they are symbolically the same person.

Although there is no romance between Peter and Wendy in either the original novel or the play, Wendy quickly develops romantic feelings for Peter which, as a prepubescent child, he does not consciously reciprocate as he has no concept of love other than that of a mother’s. Although Peter cares deeply for her, he ultimately only longs for her to be the maternal figure that is missing in his life. One could go into the symbolism that Peter and Wendy are one and the same, and that this is an expression of Wendy learning to love herself. But in a literal sense, J.M.Barrie had unintentionally created this very strong potential between the two characters. And I personally feel if your'e going to make an adaptation of Peter and Wendy that potential needs to be explored in some way, even if it’s not necessarily romantic.

Hogan recognised this potential and developed the romantic elements, e.g. ‘the “thimble” from the novel, into a very real and tangible plot. In other adaptations, Peter and Wendy’s relationship is rather one-sided. But in P.J. Hogan’s film adaptation, however, it is not at all. Over the course of the film, Peter and Wendy fall deeply in love with each other.

Rachel Hurd-Wood and Jeremy Sumpter had a remarkable on-screen chemistry for young actors, which helped give the adaptation its own identity. Whenever they interacted on screen as Peter and Wendy, it was — like the glittering pixie dust of Tinkerbell — simply magical. The off-screen chemistry between the two definitely helped make the romance so believable as well. When I was younger, I didn’t like romantic subplots in family films. I personally found that they clogged up the main plot because the “romance” tended to be very one-dimensional- but Peter and Wendy in the 2003 film version were simply enchanting.

In the original novel, J.M.Barrie alludes to the possibility of a romance between the two. In the film adaptation, they go all out. Their love story was written so beautifully and profoundly, while staying true to the original text and J.M.Barrie’s themes. This made the conflict hinted at in the novel of “staying in Neverland with Peter or growing up on Earth with Wendy” even more poignant and relevant, because in reality there was only ever one option. They couldn’t find a way to have both. That made the ending even more “heartbreaking” for me as a child, because even though they had the chance to be happy together, she couldn’t give up on growing up to stay. And he couldn’t give up being a child to leave, even though it was a natural progression for him.

Peter Pan

Jeremy Sumpter delivered a fantastic performance as Peter Pan. Not only did he perfectly match the illustrations, but he also managed to perfectly capture the essence of the charismatic, mischievous little boy from the novel. What’s more, of all the versions I have seen so far, he is by far the most accurate, right down to the clothes made of skeleton leaves, the dirty fingernails, the feral mannerisms, the traumatised soul behind the charm and the downright creepy insinuations. By today’s standards, you could almost take Peter Pan for a grown man who consciously decides not to behave like this.

However, when I watch the film again as an adult, I can now understand why he has reservations about growing up in Edwardian England and would rather remain a “child” in Neverland forever. As Peter says in the film, “Would they send me to school? And then to an office?” I feel like most of us today have so many choices as we get older, but back then it was much more limited. The choices were very restricted in that “heterosexist” environment. You could only be a certain thing, and it was much harder to hold on to the pleasures of life. I can now also understand the initial reactions of Michael and John to Peter: He must have seemed scandalous to people at the time. His bright colours, his inappropriate clothing and his behaviour are repulsive to the boys, but Wendy is immediately fascinated and attracted.  I think it was a deliberate choice that he is the only character with an American accent to set him apart from the rest of the cast; to emphasise the wildness of the character and his non-conformity to the people of Edwardian London.

Another small aspect I liked was the suggestion that the Lost Boys, although they lived with Peter and obeyed his commands, lived in constant fear of him and did not worship him as in other adaptations. (A fear that is justified as Peter tries to kill them more than once in the film). What the 2003 film adaptation captured perfectly about Peter's character was: how terrible of a person he really is. Peter Pan is a hero when he goes on adventures and fights pirates. You could argue — via the quote “Leave Hook to me” (which Peter says to her in the film) — that Peter is Wendy’s split self who can fight her father (Captain Hook) for her, just like antibodies do with germs when we can’t handle them ourselves.

However, when it comes to understanding emotions, caring about others, even his henchmen, the Lost Boys, and doing anything that inconveniences him, Peter Pan is possibly as bad as Captain Hook. This makes Wendy’s decision to leave him all the more powerful. Although she was initially seduced by his adventurous life, she soon realises that his “life” of joy and adventure is not fulfilling at all. Because in reality, there is no real joy. There is no real adventure. In reality, his life is empty because it is not earned. In addition, she realises that she is gradually losing her memory of the outside world, including her parents - a sign that she is “slowly awakening from the dream”. This leads Wendy to realise that she wants more than what he can give her in Neverland (e.g. romantic love) and decides to leave. Being alive means feeling, accepting and growing. However, as long as Peter remains a boy, he can never truly be alive. Peter Pan conveyed this important message, whereas earlier film adaptations, including the Disney animation, did not.

One of the reasons why good adaptations of Peter and Wendy are so hard to come by, especially in this day and age, is not only because they adapt a performative story that exists in layers of subtext. They also work with a protagonist who doesn’t change. Who doesn’t develop in any way, neither negatively nor positively. Not even just physically, but also mentally. (Even Eli from Let the Right One In, the child vampire, changes in the course of the story). At the end of day, Peter Pan is ultimately there to serve someone else’s story. It works in a fairy tale format. But it doesn’t usually translate very well to the screen because it often leads to one-dimensional storytelling. Even if it seems so natural, it doesn’t come naturally.

However, this adaptation allows Peter Pan to grow. The writers expanded on the small aspect from the book, which is the moment when Wendy enters Peter’s life; he begins to feel emotions. Not just love. But anger. Fear. Sadness. Pain. Disgust. And above all: self-awareness. Almost like a version of puberty in condensed time, as if the change suddenly caught up with his body. When Wendy brings this up, Peter immediately rejects it out of fear. I think most of us can all relate to this when we were in the midst of growing into a young adult. We experience feelings that are scary and new, that we can’t yet fully understand or even want to. For Peter Pan, falling in love is exactly what he is afraid of: growing up and no longer being a child. This adds to an interesting conflict that arises between the two when she asks him to leave with her.

“The thing about Peter Pan is, he’s a coward. Had the chance of a lifetime and he bottled it. Just fucked off back to Neverland. All alone, forever he was, by his own hand. Poor old Wendy, she had to grow old without him.” — Skins, 6x07 “Alo”

In the original novel, the reason Wendy can’t take Peter Pan with her (apart from the fact that he refuses to grow up) is the same reason Lyra in His Dark Materials can’t take Pan — the animal manifestation of her soul — on the boat to the land of the dead. She has to split in order to grow up and leave a part of herself behind. She can’t keep both in order to move on. But that does not mean I always agree with the ending either. In which Peter remains a child and takes Wendy’s future descendants to Neverland and back to look after him. It leaves an icky aftertaste, but at least it fits in with the story J.M. Barrie wanted to tell.

Even though the adaptation conveys the same message, that Peter Pan is the manifestation of Wendy’s youth, even to the end. In this version of Peter Pan, that is no longer the case. By the end of the film, the way he holds himself is different. The way he looks wistfully through the open window and solemnly says, “To live would be an awfully big adventure,” : a sign of self-awareness, while Wendy happily reunites with her family. So much so that Tinkerbell has to pull him by the hair to stop him from joining them and reconsidering his decision. Peter is now old enough to know that he loves Wendy. Maybe he’s also mature enough to know what he’s missing, but he knows he can’t have her the way he wants, so he does the most selfless thing he’s ever done in the whole film by letting her go.

There is no such conflict at the end of the 1953 Disney animated film. Peter Pan is described by Wendy as “wonderful”. In reality, everyone else gets their happy ending, except him, because he deliberately chooses not to. Peter Pan very much turns himself into a tragic figure because he is afraid of the most natural thing in the world. He is afraid of life. And I feel like this version of the story knew that and expressed it strongly, which makes me conflicted now as an adult. I’ve seen endings like this before, where two people fall in love but do not end up together because they grow apart or they are both interested in different things, and it’s very important to reach those points in different ways. It very much reflects real life and is also reminiscent of first love. How that love never really fades. It reminds you of simple times, even when you’ve grown up and moved on. That a part of you is still at that age when you look back on it. These endings happen because people grow — which Peter Pan does not.

“Peter in the books lives in oblivious tragedy. He may suspect that he’s not fully happy, but he tends to forget about it… yet this Peter doesn’t… Wendy leaving him and growing up to be a wife of another man is his unhappy thought…It’s the loss of innocence since Peter could not forget this…It’s the process of growing up…all but confirms that Peter’s character arc in the film is one of accepting the fact he too must grow up to be happy.” —  @rex-shadao

And I think that’s the real reason why his character is both the strongest and the weakest part of the adaptation. The writers didn’t make it clear enough that Peter Pan forgets in their version of the character. In the novel, Peter Pan forgets everything automatically, which is why he can exist in this limbo of childhood and not go mad. However, as mentioned earlier, this version of Peter Pan is old enough to remember and, more importantly, to feel. Even though he is the closest to J.M. Barrie’s original vision, unlike his counterpart in the book, he is capable of evolving. That’s why the ending sometimes feels strange to me as an adult.

It was hard to say why I had a strange feeling at first, but I realised that a lot of my mixed feelings stemmed from having seen the film adaptation fresh after reading the novel. Since Peter Pan fully reciprocates Wendy’s love in this version, he ends up being a different character than in the book, which is why I now disagree with them keeping the original ending instead of having him grow up with Wendy. It would symbolise that childhood can co-exist with adulthood, that you don’t have to leave a part of yourself behind. That you can be your true and complete self if you find the balance between the two extremes.

The original ending still works however, in all its bittersweetness. I know what it means and understand what it stands for. Wendy basically says goodbye to her childhood and promises never to forget it. There’s a reason it made such an impression on me when I was younger. It could just be because I’m trying to pick up all the pieces of my broken heart from the floor. But personally, as an adult, I just find it weaker compared to the novel. Sometimes I like to imagine an ending to this version of the story where Peter Pan comes back, having quickly realised that he has outgrown Neverland, but doesn’t meet Wendy again until they are both much older, at a time when Wendy is coming to terms with womanhood and the idea of marriage. Or she even meets his real earth counterpart (if we were to delve into the psychology of Neverland being Wendy’s dream). And their relationship is subjected to the natural test of time and growth.

Peter Pan is an almost perfect adaptation. It matches the humour, the tone and the vision of J.M.Barrie. But I can certainly understand why the film didn’t do so well at the box office. In the month it was released, there was an unfair amount of competition, namely the film Lord of the Rings — The Return of the King. And as an adult, I can now understand why it’s not the film people think of or remember when it comes to Peter Pan adaptations. And it’s not just because it doesn’t fit the elfish, jolly trickster persona that Disney has created.

The film adaptation suffers more from what it doesn’t do — such as maintaining a stable tone and consistent editing — than from what it does. It’s one of those films that would have benefited from being much longer. That way, the inconsistent tone and some of the rushed parts of the adaptation would be much more balanced. It feels like it was missing an extra twenty minutes. For example, the film is narrated by an older version of Wendy, but without the deleted ending where it becomes properly clear that it’s her telling the story to tie everything together, the ending feels a little abrupt. Say what you will about Tim Burton’s adaptation of the Series of Unfortunate Events, but the audience could see where the film’s narration was coming from the whole time. I think if they knew the alternate ending wasn’t going to work (that scene is a classic example of something working well in the novel but not in the film), they should have removed the narrator altogether with the deleted ending and adjusted the film accordingly. They should have extended some scenes so that parts of the film weren’t rushed, such as the introduction, and the story would have been left more up to interpretation as there was no voiceover throughout.

Despite its weaknesses, P.J.Hogan’s Peter Pan is still an underrated masterpiece 20 years later. It is an irresistible film that captivates and warms the heart. The film adaptation has certainly stood the test of time, staying true to the original while adding its own flavour to the story. It is full of magic, wonder and heart. It was clearly made by people who loved the origins of the story and explored where they came from, while also digging deep into the text to reshape the character arcs in a fresh and meaningful way. They succeed in capturing J.M.Barrie’s original message, which is that growing up is a natural progression of life, but that doesn’t mean leaving childhood behind entirely. That it is important to maintain a healthy balance between the two: Taking responsibility while appreciating the joys of life. From the vibrant colour palette to the goosebump-inducing music to the solid performances and gorgeous chemistry between Jeremy Sumpter and Rachel Hurd-Wood, my love for this adaptation will never end, no matter how old I am.

[avatarlovers]

"Jealousy"

Everything changed when Peter brought a girl named Wendy Darling to Nerverland. He became distant and was more around Wendy.

What was so special about that girl? Something was it, if she got the attention from Peter.

I sat by the fire eating my lunch. I was staring at Peter and Wendy. They looked so happy together and that hurt my heart. I felt someone beside me and saw Felix.

"Hey are you okay?" He asked softly.

"No" I said, my voice breaking. I got up from the log I was sitting on and hurried away from there to my tent before anyone could see my tears. I didn't want anyone to see me crying. I collapsed on my bed and buried my face in my pillow and cried silently. I loved Peter very much. I thought we had something because we were so close before Wendy came. But it was obvious that he didn't feel the same. I heard my tent door opens. I looked up and saw Felix walking in.

"Hey it's Pan, isn't it?" I nodded and sat up.

"I love him Felix, but he doesn't feel the same. He obviously loves Wendy" Felix was thinking for a second.

"How about this? We act like we're dating. That way we can see if Pan really likes you or not" Felix suggested.

"Sure" I nodded. He smiled at me and I smiled back.

◈ ━━━━━━━ ⸙ ━━━━━━━ ◈

The next morning I got up and went to sit by Felix. I was still a little tired. I sat down by felix and laid my head on his shoulder. In response Felix wrapped his arm around my waist.

"You okay there love?" He asked me and I was a bit confused why he called me that, but then I remembered what we talked about last night. 

"Yes I'm fine" I said and smiled. Felix kissed me on the head.

"Good. Do you want me to bring you some breakfast?" He asked.

"Yes, thank you Felix" I said. He nodded and got up. I could feel someone burning a hole in my back. I turned my head around and saw Peter, he quickly looked away. Felix came back and sat down beside me and handed me my food.

"I think it's working. I felt Peter glare at me and when I looked at him, he quickly looked away." I whispered to him. He smiled at me. 

"Good. Trust me you will be kissing and hugging at the end of the day" He said. I smiled back at him. He quickly kissed me on the cheek.

Soon Peter stood up and addressed the boys.

"We are going to play a game. We are going to play who can hit the most targets. Felix you'll be the second captain. Pick someone" He said.

"John" John walked to Felix. 

"Y/n" I smiled and went to stand by Peter.

"Daniel" After all the lost boys were on a team. Peter gave me the bow with an arrow ready to shoot the first target. I prepared to shoot.

"How's your relationship?"

"What relationship? And when did you and Felix start dating?"

"Umm, your relationship with Wendy? Yesterday" I lied.

"I'm not dating her" My eyes widened and I hit my head with my hand when I pulled the string too fast. I'm an idiot. Peter looked at me concerned.

"Are you okay?" He asked me.

"No. I'm an idiot" I shouted and I noticed Felix looking this way, but I didn't say anything.

"Why are you an Idiot?"

"Can't you see?" I asked him. He looked confused.

"See what?" I groaned.

"THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU" I screamed. When I realized what I said I slapped my hand over my mouth and ran off.

✶𝙵𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚡✶

Peter looked at me.

"Have you been listening this whole time?" He asked. I nodded.

"I have a question. If she is in love with me, why is she dating you?" I groaned and facepalmed. Is he so blind.

"You are an Idiot Pan. We were pretending because Y/n loves you and she wanted to make you jealous. She was jealous of you and Wendy"

"Oh. She doesn't have reason to be" I slapped him in the face.

"Ok, oww. That hurt" He said.

"Go find her and tell her that you and Wendy aren't together because she thinks you are. So if you really love, find her and tell her." I said and he teleported away. 

༻𝚈/𝚗༺

I ran and ran so deep into the woods. The air in my lungs ran out so I collapsed on the floor and started crying. There's no way he feels the same. I started hating myself and I should never have said anything. All of sudden I felt someone's hand lift my head up. I looked up and saw it was Peter. I gasped and I tried to get away from him but he grabbed my wrist making sure that I didn't leave.

"Could you please listen to me. I love you and only you. Wendy means nothing, she is only a pawn in my plan. If you don't believe me let me prove it to you" He said. Before I could ask how, he leaned forward and kissed me. I never thought Peter would do this because it was unlike anything I thought he would do. The kiss was gentle, his lips were soft and before he could break the kiss. I responded and wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him closer to me and deepened the kiss. Peter responded and wrapped his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him. We broke apart from lack of air.

"I love you so much and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. Would you be my queen?" He asked. I kissed him again.

"I love you too and will gladly be your queen my king" He grinned widely and picked me up bridal style and walked to a tree and sat down with me on his lap, his arms around my waist, my head on his shoulder. It was perfect just me and Peter. 

[sophsun1]

This gifset I made of Joan and Jack Kinney's perception that Brian was a carbon copy of his father a lone wolf and selfish man vs Justin knowing that was the furthest thing from the truth hits even harder when you flashback to 1.02 where Brian has such a visceral reaction to Ted yelling at Michael "Where do people get off thinking I'm not a kind person? I happen to be very kind, very loving/ My only responsibility is to myself I don't owe anybody a goddamn thing."

Selfish is such a prominent word in his life. We hear it from many of his so called friends. He's selfish and can't or won't love anyone or anything. Yet his actions towards them even when they don't deserve it show the complete opposite. You can sort of see why it cuts so deep when he hears these words "selfish and responsibility" in the context of the scenes with his parents.

We have Joan in church telling Brian he reminds her of Jack, he's equally as selfish always letting her down and mocking her love for God. How she took Jack's abuse and beatings to protect him though we the audience know Brian had his own share of abuse from him both physical and emotional along with his mother's neglect and alcoholism. He denies this but she won't hear of it. Adding on to her previously telling him her new priest has been like a son to her and now Brian has the power to destroy her entire world view and he doesn't. There's also a weird sort of parallel where now instead of her biological son being like her husband, her surrogate son is just like the son she rejects and is ashamed of.

Jack proudly announcing he's a chip off the old block not made to be a family man, Brian agreeing. Throw in the bombshell that if it was up to him, Brian wouldn't even exist. This man who shirked all responsibilities as a husband, a father and role model to his children telling his son who he wished was never born that he is just like him. Imagine the mind fuck. His line about not letting the ladies tie him down, Brian knowing he would never be accepted if he ever came out to him. Then buttering him up for cold hard cash, even though Brian had it ready and waiting because he knew that's all he's worth to him. Which leads me to the anger I feel towards Mel and Lindsey who immediately jump on Brian about his financial responsibility to Gus. Wanting him to sign a life insurance policy because his "lifestyle" according to Mel makes him more of a risk factor. They don't want him to be fully physically involved but they'll take his money. Here comes the theme of death once more, his father didn't want him to exist but he'll take his money. Mel and Lindsey, pointing out if he dies it doesn't matter as long as Gus profits. Yet he fought so hard for Lindsey in the custody battle for J.R, funding it all when he never got that same unwavering support when it came to Gus. Wanting so steadfastly to take care of Justin financially when they were together and apart because that's how he has been made to feel with Gus and his father. So many layers. Sonny boy indeed.

Is it any wonder? Brian Kinney never believed in love and thought it only lead to bitterness and resentment, and settling down meant settling into a toxic environment where hatred flourished. Especially as your parents are your first example of love and family. You literally are the product of that union in most cases, it's a fundamental part of your childhood and has a deep effect on you ergo why therapists always lead with "So tell me about your relationship with your mother/father."

WHICH IS WHY WE SHOULD HAVE HAD A SEASON DEDICATED TO THIS ASPECT!

Ultimately people are always wanting a piece of Brian. The raw, unfiltered Brian Kinney that Justin sees and accepts and loves is not good enough for them. Sure they have their moments and he's by no means perfect but Justin doesn't want to intrinsically change him, he encourages him to be better and we see Brian respond to this. They blow hot and cold, his Peter Pan complex is embarrassing it's time to grow up! Brian tries to change, no this isn't the Brian we know and love, we prefer the old version of him come back! With his friends he's made to feel responsible for their mistakes and fuck ups, to be a support to them, to help rescue them even to his own detriment at times. To feel guilt at his existence in their lives and how it affects them, as financial support or simply telling him how to react/feel to really major emotional life events. Debbie insisting he "owed" his father his coming out, telling Joan he had cancer. Michael at his father's death, that regardless of what he did he was still his dad. The amount of pressure that was placed on him was insane the "responsibility" never ends. It goes to the -> I don't owe anybody a goddamn thing! He got himself out of his terrible upbringing, worked hard and got an amazing loft with a job in a career he excels at. No one gave him a hand out. Technically even when they did in the concerned citizens for truth era he paid them back plus extra. He hates feeling indebted to people, or in need, and yes part of that is pride but also because he's the one that is always on standby to be that for others, so where is his room to fail?

[rainbowstargazerlilies]

Time for a new pinned post!

Hi, everyone, this is Becca or Ori! Those in the Mechs fandom might know me for the recent Mechs Ships Tournament (all tagged as "#mechs ships tournament" on here), my Mechs and TMA themed knit dolls (all tagged "#stargazer's four inch friends"), or the TMA and Mechs fics I write (see below). I'm in my early twenties, am currently a graduate student in psych-related fields, and live in the eastern time zone.

If you're interested in my fics, promo for that under the cut. Otherwise, enjoy the chaos!

Why should you read what I mentally call the booty shorts saga, actually known as "The Semi-Annual Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Gift Swap"?

Have you ever wondered what gift swaps might look like in the Magnus Institute?

Do you need to imagine Certain Characters (Jon) receiving so many pairs of booty shorts?

This sticks close to canon, so. . . do you want a story about booty shorts and nonsense to suddenly give you So Many Feels?

This is a collaboration between the amazing @ladydragonkiller and myself, and it was our first foray into writing and posting fanfic. I love it. Go read LadyDragonKiller's other stuff if you're a Mechs fan.

Why should you read The Stars Claim Them?

I started this series with imagining Lyfrassir Edda surviving the Bifrost Incident, and then ending up at the Magnus Institute, so it is a TMA/Mechs crossover.

I've been consistently posting for over a year. Two years as of this March, and I am so excited for that :) Currently, we're nearly 100,000 words in and going, posting right now is concurrent with TMA season 2, and I've had so much fun.

This is the fic where I stare canon in the eye, say "coward", and save every single character I can manage.

Be prepared for a very slow burn indeed, but the Violinspector element is certainly Very Much There.

We've had road trips, heists, blood snakes, rubber ducks, far too many Michaels, and more. I did a whole Peter Pan arc. It's nonsensical and amazing and I love it.

We've got a discord, where we have Very Normal Conversations about the fic, the Mechs, the Magnus Archives, and more. If you like the fic series, you're more than welcome to join!

If you enjoyed LadyDragonKiller's Raphaella backstory, I have some Easter egg references to it scattered throughout, because we brainstorm together. I consider it canon to this series, as far as that goes, and I have fun planting those :)

Why should you read anything from Corner of Dreams?

Those were oneshots I wrote last year as a part of a challenge to myself!

The first one is the angstiest Toy Soldier thing I could manage without crying. Have fun! Bring tissues!

The second is a fun little Violinspector thing that I really enjoyed writing. It just amused me so much to think about. And that ending. . . I like to think it ended happily, but there's no guarantee, is there?

The third is a Brian/Galahad oneshot. It could go so many different directions after the ending, most of which would absolutely change up canon. I like to think it wouldn't end sadly. Probably.

If there's enough enjoyment of these, there's two more I might add one day, based on Alice and on Gunpowder Tim vs the Moon Kaiser.

Also, if you're trying to get a taste of what I've written, one of these is probably a lot easier to start with than TSCT. These are each under 5,000 words.

Why should you read I Got You, Babe?

It's now four chapters in and we already have the start of some fun stuff going on. We've got Violinspector angst, Nastya doing interesting stuff post-Out. . . Why wouldn't you?

Also, I'm having far too much fun whenever I get the time to write on it. It's going to be interesting. I can't wait to share more.

[fire-fira]

20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by @linzerj for this, so without further ado:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

On Ao3 I currently have 70 (though that number is going to increase soon), and on ffn (all my oldest stuff) I have 34. (Dear lord I need to eventually move my older stuff to Ao3. Maybe under a secondary pseud at some point... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

201,448

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Looooots of DC stuff, some TMNT, and with my older stuff I also wrote for Sonic, DBZ, Legend of Zelda, FMA, Gargoyles, Peter Pan, and Megaman. (I also have some early-stages fic and plans for Planet of the Apes fics, but I haven't posted any of that yet.)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Head Trauma - One of my earliest Bluepulse OT3 fics. YJA-based; Jaime gets knocked out on a mission and the team gets their first exposure to Khaji Da directly.

Loving an Alien Shouldn't be this Complex - Another Bluepulse OT3. YJA-based; Bart's part in what's intended to be a trilogy of fics about the same circumstances/events. Crushing on Jaime is one thing, but realizing he's crushing on Khaji Da is a whole different ballpark.

If You Think My Truth Is A Lie, You Can Get Bent - Bluepulse OT3 yet again, though background in this case rather than front and center. Mostly YJA-based; Bart is trans, in college, and entirely fed up with an obnoxious classmate who was perfectly fine with him and the fact that he's a guy up until she found out he's trans.

The Weirdness That You Know - Pre-Bluepulse OT3, pre-finding-out-Khaji-Da's-name. YJA-based; During some downtime on base after the events of season 2, Jaime winds up finding out that Bart and Khaji Da are very similar in terms of their sense of humor. The two of them getting along should probably be concerning.

Familia: Not Simple, but Needed - Bluepulse OT3. Mostly YJA-based; What happens when you have a sleep-deprived scarab who stubbornly has stayed awake for about three weeks? Nothing good and nothing the three of them would have ever expected if Khaji Da was coherent enough to think through the consequences of their actions before doing something.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to. Sometimes I wind up replying waaaaaayyyyyy later (when my emotional energy tanks it takes a lot for me to drag myself into talking to people in general, but I try to reply when I'm in a better spot), but if I have my way then I'll eventually reply to everything (unless there's literally nothing else to say).

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would honestly have to be either my Bluepulse OT3 poem I Am Your Loss or my La'gaan-centric fic I Tried To Warn You. I Am Your Loss is focused on Khaji Da outliving Jaime and Bart and all the feelings involved with that, and I Tried To Warn You is an examination of La'gaan's emotionally abusive relationship with M'gann and him coming to terms with the fact that he was manipulated and abused. So yeah. Heavy.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That's a tough one. The Name That Calls You Home is one contender, along with Fatherhood Isn't Easy, and Trusting Again Can Be The Hardest Thing. Two of those are focused on family and finding home (TNTCYH and FIE), and two are La'gaan-centric (FIE and TACBTHT). So yay for one of my TMNT AUs and two of my La'gaan fics meeting the mark? (Though all three have some painful circumstances that make the good that much more pronounced. Yeah, that was unintentional.)

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

The only time I've ever gotten any 'hate' was someone trying to be pissy about an old poem series I wrote back in highschool because they didn't feel it was a 'serious poetic work' and was 'amateurish'.

That. On character-based poetry. For freaking Sonic characters. Seriously just-

9. Do you write smut?

Almost never. (I can't say never because I did publish one fic on Ao3, but by a lot of people's standards it's really tame.)

10. Do you write crossovers?

I'm not opposed to crossovers, but I very rarely do. Usually I find my mind playing with multiverse iterations of characters meeting each other, but it's very rare my mind goes to wildly different stories getting a crossover-- in no small part because it usually tends to devolve into a case of 'Wouldn't it be cool if these characters met? Look how cool this character is!' in my head with no real decent plot. (That said, thanks to some old RPs with a friend of mine I am fond of Mass Effect's femshep and Voltron's Allura as a ship. It was a chaotic RP. lol)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

As far as I know, NOPE. If I'm fortunate it'll never happen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes actually! Both I Tried To Warn You and Unstoppable Until I Break that I know of. (Unfortunately I can't read Chinese, so finding them on the site they're hosted on is difficult for me, but I do know they're there somewhere.) La'gaan keeps winning. lol

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Only one, and it's Devilfish. Beneath the Surface was a fun collaboration between me and onyxdragonx back before tumblr's purge in 2018. I have no idea if he left tumblr entirely, but I'm glad we wrote it.

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

Ngl, it varies by series/franchise and how I'm feeling. I used to be pretty solid in single ships for characters for a long time, but as time has gone by I've drifted more into multi-shipper territory. At the moment though, the one that's eating at my brain the most is Devilfish-- La'gaan/Eddie-- because hell yes for my crack ship.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Maybe it's over-optimistic of me, but I don't look at any of my WIPs as 'abandoned' or as something I'll 'never' complete. Back when I was posting my writing only to ffn I used to joke about my trademarked 'delays of doom'. It's always a case of I will get to said stories eventually and I do work on old things from time to time, but due to shifting interests/life junk/life-junk-that-causes-a-low-creative-battery/etc. it can take me a long time to get back to something.

If I was going to narrow it down to the one that I'm not sure when precisely I'll get back to and is the most likely to take me a while to get back to (more than anything else), then it'd probably have to be an Elfquest fic with Leeta/Cutter/Rayek as endgame. Either that or the Planet of the Apes series kicking around in my head that I haven't quite figured out how to frame yet.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

FEELINGS. Emotions, getting into characters' heads and hitting that emotional gut-punch that makes people feel things.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Aside from my delays-of-doom™️, I can get SO damned wordy. And cerebral. Which isn't always a bad thing if I want my readers to know what's going on in a character's head, but it's a royal pain in the ass if I want to give a decent description of the space characters are in or have actual conversation and events happening while a character is getting lost in their head.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

YES. I WANT. GIVE.

lol Seriously though, while it might be rare for me to write full-blown conversations in a different language, if a character is multilingual then I personally prefer including indications of that with their word choices. Usually that results in an offhand word or several here or there in places where it flows naturally, but unless I'm confident in how things flow with that other language (whatever it is) then I'm unlikely to go for a full on conversation. If I am confident in the translation of what I'm writing and the switch into that other language makes sense for the characters in context then it's highly likely I'll go for it-- albeit with including the hover-over translation thing that Ao3 offers so readers don't have to bounce back-and-forth between where they're at in the story and the translation at the end of the chapter/fic. (Though I don't mind when other authors take that tactic.)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Sonic, and though I didn't put any online until 2003, I wrote a whole convoluted series back in middle school and on up into early high school I think (I suspect most of it's lost because it was all on an OLD computer), and even before that I remember a script-styled Sonic fic that I never finished that I was writing back when I was like... 5? ...7? Somewhere in there. Point is my first fandom is from a LONG time ago.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Yeeeeeet another hard one. If I don't cop out with Unstoppable Until I Break and I pull in my older stuff, then I guess it'd have to be Two Sides. It's a Legend of Zelda fic playing with the concept of Zelda and Sheik as simultaneously being and not being the same person, and while I'd probably write it differently now (dear gods I published it back in 2008) I still love the concept and think it's intriguing as hell. Just the very idea of Zelda and Sheik having once been the same person and remembering it in subsequent lives is just... There is a TON of potential there.

Will I ever revisit the idea? Maybe one day. For now, it is what it is.

As for who I'm tagging: @sounddrive, @brightlotusmoon, @radioactive-earthshine, and whoever else would like to do this. n.n

[sillylittlejesterman]

Making a Cake

I FORGOT TO POST THIS FOR SIRIUS' BIRTHDAY BUT HERE IT IS (its also on ao3) Just a little silly story that was written very quickly for my favorite wet dog homosexual man's birthday. I love him.

“Uh Remus? I don’t think it’s supposed to look like that,” Peter said, eyeing the gloopy, sludge-like thing in the baking dish. 

“Is–... Is it moving?” James asked. The three boys standing over the tray with what was supposed to be Sirius’ birthday cake in the center. They all startled away when a bubble in the dish popped, making a loud noise. Remus plopped the tray down on the stove top and took his red and white oven mitts off, slapping them on the table while frowning. 

“This makes no sense. We did everything, didn’t we?” He pushed a bunch of empty pans and dirty rags around until he found the badly scribbled out recipe on a now batter-stained piece of parchment. 

“You know, it would probably help if we could actually read the recipe,” James pointed out, snatching the parchment out of Remus’ hands and dangling it in front of his face. Remus frowned in response. “This whole thing is in French. Can’t you find it in English or something?” James continued. 

“Maybe we should just ask Regulus,” Peter mumbled, not really planning for anyone to hear him. He knew Sirius and Regulus’ relationship was complicated to say the least, but he was the only other person that Peter knew who spoke French. 

“No! No it’s fine, it’s not that hard to understand!” 

“Remus you keep saying that but look at the cake– I don’t even know if we can even call it a cake anymore,” James’ voice trailed off as he covered his mouth with his hand, standing to stare at the last six attempts at the cake - each looked worse than the last. 

“French is a romance language with Latin roots and I know latin.” Remus insisted. 

“Latin and French are not the same language, Remus!” 

“They have the same roots!” 

“Guys, the cake is moving,” Peter interrupted, pointing to where the cake had started to form a rather large bubble. The three boys leaned in close to examine it, and like it had before, the cake popped, startling the three and spraying runny batter all over their faces. 

Remus, whose face was contorted by disgust and cake batter, stood shocked, staring at the cake tin before wiping his eyes and flung the batter to the ground with a frustrated groan. 

“Okay, I think it’s time to find a different cake,” James said, wiping his hands on one of the many dirty towels in the kitchen.

“No, his birthday is tomorrow! This is the only recipe we have and we can’t give him a fucking cookie for his birthday” 

“But Moony we’ve been at this for hours! I’m hungry and tired,” Peter whined. 

Remus took a breath and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.“Fine! Fine, I’ll just do it myself,” He grumbled, growing increasingly frustrated with this recipe. “Why does Sirius have to have such posh taste all the time?” Remus grumbled under his breath, snatching the recipe from James’ hands and reading it over again, muttering to himself. 

James and Peter shared a look before sighing, knowing they weren’t exactly excused from the kitchen just yet. Remus would slave over this cake for days if it meant making Sirius’ birthday a happy one, so James and Peter had to stay too. 

—

Frost covered the window of the Gryffindor boys’ dormitory. Almost every year the first snow fell on Sirius' birthday, and Remus knew this because every year he was up. He tucked himself away in the reading nook in the window, the light from his wand illuminating the page he was reading. But when a small beeping noise was heard from his bed he sprang up and quickly turned it off before digging to find the parchment wrapped box he had been hiding for months. 

“Psst, hey,” Remus whispered as he made his way over to Sirius’ bed, careful to avoid the floorboard that creaked so loud it woke Peter up. He tiptoed and drew back the curtain to his bed, snickering at the sight he found. 

Sirius was splayed out and curled in his sheets, wearing an oversized and threadbare Beatles shirt that Remus had given him for his twelfth birthday. It was too big on him then, and still hung just below his red and gold boxers. A copy of the Rolling Stone with Bowie on the cover was open over his face, and the slight sound of his snores  made Remus chuckle, his lips curling into a fond smile.

“Hey, wake up, idiot.” He said, smacking Sirius’ foot. Sirius made a sound and stirred, causing the magazine to roll off of his face and onto the floor with a thump.

“Fuck, I’m awake,” He grumbled, sitting up on his elbows and smiling when he noticed Remus. “You never make it to midnight” Remus teased, crawling onto the mattress and letting the curtains fall closed as he settled across from Sirius. “Oh shut up,” he groaned again, rubbing his eyes as he reached onto the floor to grab the magazine,placing it on the bedside table. 

Remus fidgeted with a small package in his hands as he smiled at the other boy, admiring the way his grey-blue eyes shone in the dim yellow light of the lamp that hung from the canopy above the bed. Sirius smiled back, pushing his hair out of his face while sitting up properly. He scooted slightly closer to Remus.

“Happy birthday,” Remus smiled, finally breaking the comfortable silence the two of them sat in. 

He placed the package on the bed, sliding it towards Sirius.

Sirius’ brows knit together in confusion as he slid his gaze between the gift and the boy opposite him.

“This is different,” Sirius said, starting to unwrap the brown parchment that Remus had shabbily used to conceal the box. 

“Well yeah, cause– this year is different.” 

It was a tradition they’d started their very first year at Hogwarts. Or really, Remus started it. He’d stayed up, wanting to be the first person to wish Sirius a “happy birthday” - he’d had too much energy, and the second the clock turned past twelve, Remus pounced on his friend. Sirius was of course startled at first, but the second he spotted Remus, looking like an easily excited puppy, he couldn’t be mad. Remus gave him a David Bowie vinyl that year along with the giant Beatles shirt and Sirius still had them, still considered them the best gifts he’d ever received. Remus had a weird thing with gifts. He was usually dreadful at gift-giving, but when it came to Sirius he somehow nailed it every time.

“Why, cause I snogged you on Halloween?” Sirius smirked, always playing a joke. It was true, Remus and Sirius had snogged on Halloween. Both of them consumed a little too much fire whiskey that night, leading to a long, painstaking game of spin-the-bottle. Sirius had finally had enough after three rounds, and dragged Remus away to the broom closet. Remus remembered it vividly. The feeling of his heart beating fast in his chest and the taste of cigarettes, whiskey and strawberries on Sirius’ lips– 

“Because you asked me to be your boyfriend on Halloween.” 

That was true as well. After hiding in the broom closet for what felt like hours, Sirius finally dragged Remus upstairs where the kissing continued in a more horizontal position. Alone with only the muffled sound of drunk teenagers downstairs, it became much more intimate as they laid together on the bed, curtains drawn and lips pressed together. Their kissing was less hungry, less filled with need. Remus had pulled away for just a moment when Sirius said it. 

“Remus, I want to be with you,” He’d whispered, his hand tangling in Remus’ hair, gently playing with the curls at the nape of his neck. His voice was quiet, like he was whispering a secret and all Remus thought to do was kiss him in response. 

Sirius turned red, his pale complexion never failing to betray when he felt embarrassed or flustered. Remus found it quite cute.

“Okay, yeah but–” 

“Stop arguing and just open your present, okay?”

Remus cut Sirius off and pushed the half-opened package against his chest, scooting closer to Sirius to get a better look, despite the lack of space on the bed.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at him and laughed. 

“Okay, okay, pushy” He teased, carefully taking the package and unwrapping the brown parchment that was crumpled around it. Inside was a simple black velvet box only about the size of his palm, and Sirius looked back up at Remus. 

“What is this?” He said, holding back a smile. 

“Just open it,” Remus urged, his cheeks turning red. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, a ball of excitement and nerves sat in his throat as he waited for Sirius to open the box. 

Inside the little velvet box was a silver plated ring, with shimmering moonstone embedded in the center, engraved crescent moons sitting curled around either side of the stone. Remus saw it in a shop back home and it reminded him too much of Sirius not to buy it. 

Sirius stared at the ring for a long while, which didn’t at all help Remus’ nerves. 

“It’s not a proposal ring or anything. Sorry if it looks like that,” Remus finally blurted out

He gently placed the box on his covers, smiling at Remus, his heart fluttering excitedly in his chest.

 “I love it,” He whispered, reaching for Remus’ hands, pulling him close - “I love it,” He said again, gently pressing their lips together. Remus melted into the kiss, sighing softly, relieved that Sirius liked his gift. 

—

“Surprise!” The sound of party poppers was loud and confetti sprayed everywhere as Sirius entered the common room. It was all lavishly decorated, or as lavishly as a group of teens could get it.

The common room was full of Gryffindors, though most noticeably James and Peter who stood in the middle of the room, holding a large cake. Or at least it looked like it was supposed to be a cake. The layers were wobbly and the icing was everywhere and it looked as though half the candles on top of it were trying to run away down its side. For whatever reason, James and Peter had thought it would be a phenomenal idea to adorn the cake with sparklers as well. 

Sirius found himself silently thankful for Lily standing close by, seemingly ready with a spell to take care of things, in case it caught fire.

With a struggle, James and Peter put down the cake, fetching a slice for Sirius before placing two sparklers and a candle in it. Looking at the slice, Sirius wasn’t even sure the cake was edible. Still, he took the slice. 

“Oi, what’s that?” James asked, motioning to the small silver ring on Sirius’ finger. James had spotted it when the ring caught the light from the sparklers, causing the stone to shimmer, showing off the elegant moon designed carved into it in the process. 

Sirius glanced at the ring with fondness, his eyes briefly meeting Remus’, before he turned his attention back to James. “Eh, just a little something. Back to the important stuff, hm? If this cake kills me I need to know who to hold responsible,” he joked. Remus smiled. There was nothing that made him happier than seeing Sirius so happy, surrounded by the people he loved.

[dryams03]

Unheard voices.

This is a vent of both admins. Please take your time to read.

A witter's voice.

Well, how do I start this? I call myself a writer. I am an amateur of course, but it pleases my soul when I say it, not because I want other people to see me like that, but because I am full of powerlessness. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve hated this world, nothing real gave me that feeling of joy that maybe everyone else feels. Ever since I was a kid, fiction was my world: Series, movies, anime, comics, anything that could give me a sense of escape. That’s what made me start to create my own fantasy world, no, bigger, better, my own universe. A place where I could make all the rules, a place where everything was possible in a way or another. I called that place Nix, as the Greek goddess of night.

When I was a teenager, the fantasy was over. I face a new world, a new system, like every other teenager I was at the middle of the balance between childhood and adulthood. I knew what I didn’t want to be, but nothing else. I didn’t want to be that name on the paper, that face on the mirror, that voice flying through air. I found myself at the bottom of the abysm. I regret life sometimes, I tried to do horrible things to myself, and then I met her.

She was brilliant, she was something from out of this world, she was from another universe, she was fantasy, and such magical being told me something I will never forget. It was something one could find tiny but for me meant everything. “You talk like a writer”, she said and just like that I saw a new possibility. I started to dig deeply looking for that old fantasy universe I thought was lost forever and I found it. I feed it like my son, I made him stronger, better…I think. I took a cloak, a mask and a name and I called myself Sander.

I thought that was the answer, I thought Sander was my savior, but I couldn’t be more wrong. I was still in this damned world, attached with its rules, and I started to live to lives. Then I fell once again when I faced adulthood, my dreams were crushed, reality was more than just that, dreams. But my former self died with those failed tries. I became something more, something…maybe useless. I don’t even know why I’m writing all this. I call myself a writer but I do not see myself as one. Some people tell me I have a gift, I have the creativity of a kid, I can create a long story with anything, an object, a name, an animal, a thought. Any tiny detail gives me countless ideas. But I do not see that as a gift, I do not know how to see it.

I wrapped myself with this coat to feel cold and safe, outside is too hot, makes me feel I’m burning in the fire of this cursed society. I wear masks because I don’t want to see my inexpressive face, I wear those masks to hide my fear from myself. I try hard, I am trying hard to fit in this world with my dreams, I am fighting for them, we are. But I always feel it is not enough, although I fight for this dream, to make every piece fit with the others, to write in English even when it is not my native language. I try hard to do the best and still I am afraid I cannot enjoy what I do anymore…

When I’m in front of the blank page I start to write gladly, feeling free and alive. But then suddenly all the dark thoughts came from that abysm I am trying to escape from. My dream, is bigger than one could think. Of course, I want it to maintain my life, to not end on the street. But my dream is to give other people a new option, as a kid, a teenager and now, I had this option, Nix. A new escape option, maybe on the future people doesn’t have to go through the same I went, maybe kids won’t feel they don’t have place on this world if they can find inspiration in the Nix. But the bad feeling that haunts me every night gets in the middle of the road, “I am not a good writer, I am just a clown, a Peter Pan, it is just a matter of time before I find myself lost forever”. I am scared.

I don’t even want fame, not for me, not for fill my ego. If I’d wish to have fame it would be only with one reason, show the Nix to more people easier. When I work on Nix I do it with my inner boy in mind. The truth is I am failure, as a son, as a brother, as a kid, a teenager or an adult. I’ve been a failure my entire life. I always wondered why is it so easy for me to talk about my life but so difficult to simply take off my mask? Obviously, I won’t give up, not now, I guess I’m just sharing how I feel because I have no friends. I just…I don’t know how to feel about myself, about my dream, about my Nix, people say I have a gift to create and write, but I cannot believe that. It is like when your mom says you are beautiful, maybe you are but, she won’t say you are ugly if she loves you. I wish I could believe I have that gift; it would be easier not to feel like a failure.

I just want to be free…

An artist's voice.

"You can be anything you want" she said me once. And she was right. Like I were a shift shafter, I melted myself once again to fit in every single spot I should be. I always should be. I never want to be. All my wants were buried under a huge pyramid of tasks. I took the risk to reach the top, but now that I'm here, everything is tasteless, I'm to tired to enjoy my own little lie. Then he told me with an illusion I couldn't understand "I want to get known you better. I wanted to meet the real you" I felt scared. Who was the real me? Who was I anyway? I saw myself as a mixture of public opinions and failed "what I'm supposed to be". I panicked. Who am I? I never cared about myself.

Then I realized I was a failed artist. I always ran away from failure. Still, I was a failure myself. Perhaps that was what were happening at me. I was running from myself. And now that I accepted my own truly being, that I found the reason why I was hiding for. The only thing I want is escape. Is to be free. If I'm an adult, why I don't feel myself free?

Perhaps it's because I'm still a child. My art makes me feel free, but what's the point in doing art if every single time you hold a pencil you feel pity or guiltiness?

Once I had wings and now I have left only hands and feet, to run or create. But if the times flies from my hands and I'm not fast enough to reach it.

What's the point in keep myself suffering for a dream I cannot chase. I have no wings to reach the top of the sky.

Still, I'm here. Building castles in the air, planning a stairway to the moon and I'm still incapable to make it. Perhaps I wasn't able to do anything from the mere begining.

I only want to fly away, I want to take his hand and fly away from what hurt us the most: reality. And hide myself on him, on his world, that one he always told me is mine too. I want to paint my own imaginations, make them real.

And then recover that child that was in me and take care of her. As she always had to keep everything inside. I want to be free. I want to be me.

[therecordchanger62279]

Twilight On Union Square

(Short Fiction)

     The company I work for, The New York Central Railroad had moved its offices to a building on East 14th near Irving Place. It was a cost-cutting move. Business had been off since the depression hit, but the move was convenient for me because I had a room in a boarding house two blocks over and it gave me a chance to walk Union Square to work. My parents use to take me to Union Square when I was a kid. There were all sorts of shops there. Street vendors sold newspapers. I remember a candy store, and a little shop where my father took his work shoes to be repaired. There was a dry cleaner, and a small grocery store my mother insisted had the best fruit. I hadn’t been on the street in ages because I rode the trolley to the office when it was in the other direction. I was anxious to see if any of the shops I remembered were still there.

     It was the second week in December, but it was unseasonably warm when I returned to Union Square on my way to work that Monday morning. I hadn’t gone a block when I heard a voice say, “Pots and pans. Kitchen utensils. Everything for the lady of the house who likes to cook. Pots and pans, right here.” I recognized the voice and I turned to see a makeshift storefront with an old woman there I’d not seen in years. Her name was Violet Detmer –“Vi” is what everybody called her. My mother use to buy potholders and kitchen towels and silverware from her when we’d come to town to shop. It had completely slipped my mind until I heard that croak of a voice.

     “Vi? Vi Detmer? I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you’re still here,” I said to her.

     “Do I know you, son?”

     “Oh, I don’t know that you’d remember me. I was just a boy when my parents use to bring me to Union Square to shop. My mother was one of your regulars.”

     “Is ‘sat so? What’s her name?”

     “Estelle –“

     “Estelle Jessup?”

     “Yes! How did you know?”

     “I may be old, but I remember my good customers and your mom was one of the best. You’d be her little boy, then. Not so little now. Peter is it?”

     “It’s Paul.”

     “Peter. Paul. I knew it was biblical. How is your mother?”

     “Oh, she passed away two years ago.”

     “I’m sorry to hear that. I was wonderin’ why she stopped comin’ around. Figured maybe the family left town to look for work. This depression ain’t been real good for business. Lotta my regulars don’t come around so much anymore.”

     “Yeah the street is kind of quiet. Is it always like this on Mondays?”

     “It’s like this most everyday now. Don’t matter, though. The mayor’s shuttin’ us down for the holidays. That’s what all these boxes is for. I’m packin’ up.”

     “Are you closing?”

     “Nah. Just a short holiday, you might say. This new mayor has got it in his head that he needs to sell the city to tourists and he don’t think it looks good to have street vendors down along here over the holidays when the big money comes to town to take in a show, or eat in them fancy restaurants. So he got the city council to pass an ord’nance to get us off the street till after New Year’s.”

     “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

     “Don’t be. I could use a vacation. Ain’t had a proper one since my Benny left.”

     “Benny?”

     “My husband Benny. He hitched a ride four years ago on the Nickel Line to Chicago. He heard about a job there. He ain’t come back. Runnin’ this place by myself ain’t left me much vacation time.”

     “Have you heard from him?”

     “Well we didn’t exactly part on good terms. We had a big blowout when he said he wanted to leave town to look for work. I told him we’d get by with this place, but he said it wasn’t enough. One thing led to another, and – well, Benny is real sensitive and I said some things I shouldn’t of said. But he’ll be back. I know he will.”

     “I’m sure he-“

     “I’m expectin’ him on the 4:30 train tomorrow, as a matter of fact.”

     “But if you haven’t heard from him…?”

     “He won’t stay away forever. He just needed to be by hisself for a while and get straight in his head what he wanted to do. He’ll be back. I went down to the train station last year on the 13th ‘cause I thought he’d be back. That’s our anniversary. But he didn’t show. But this year he’ll be there. I know he will. And if he don’t make it then, he’ll be back by Christmas Eve. He wouldn’t want me spendin’ Christmas Eve alone again. He’ll be back.”

     “I’m sure he will.”

     “You married, son?”

     “Not yet. I’ve got a steady girl though. In fact her birthday is coming up next week and I wanted to do something special for her.”

     “There’s still a couple of nice restaurants near here. And there’s a new Loretta Young picture at the Acme. ‘Ramona’, it’s called. I love Loretta Young.”

     “That’s an idea. I was thinking about maybe taking her to see a big band. I heard Cab Calloway is at the Cotton Club.”

     “Is that open again? I thought they closed it down after the riots a few months ago?”

     “They did, but it’s open again. I just thought she might enjoy it. She loves to go dancing.”

     “Can she cook?”

     “She’s getting better at it. She needs some practice, but she seems to enjoy it. She lives with her parents, but I get invited over for dinner, and she does the cooking. Of course her mother helps out.”

     “Well you could maybe get her something for her kitchen – when you two get married, I mean. One less thing I’d have to pack.”

     “You know that’s not a bad idea. Do you have some nice potholders – maybe something with flowers on them?”

     “Honey, I got everything. Hang on a second, and let me look.”

     She went around the back for a couple of minutes and I heard a lot of clanging and banging, and the sound of boxes being shuffled around. She was back a few minutes later.

     “Here you go. Roses. What girl doesn’t like roses?”

     “How much?”

     “Ten cents apiece or two for 15.”

     “Sounds like a bargain.”

     I reached in my pocket and handed her two bits and told her to keep the change.

     “Well I guess I’d better hurry along. Don’t want to be late for work.”

     “Where do you work, son?”

     “I work at the New York Central Railroad office. We just moved to 14th.”

     “Well my Benny always takes the Nickel Line. That’s where I’ll be tomorrow when he gets in. I hope it’s on time.”

     “You can always call them and ask.”

     “I’ll do that. Busy day tomorrow. My landlord is supposed to stop by and fix my leaky faucet. Damn thing keeps me up nights it’s so loud. I never use to notice it before when Benny was home. He snored so loud you couldn’t hear the train comin’ let alone a faucet drippin’. Never thought I’d miss that…”

     Her voice trailed off and I thanked her and said my goodbyes and headed to work.

__________

     When I reached the office, I started thinking about Vi and Benny and I decided to phone the Nickel Line to see if they had a passenger list for the 4:30 tomorrow.

     “Nickel Line Railroad,” said the voice on the phone.

     “I wonder if you could give me some information?”

     “Sure thing. What do you need to know?”

     “You have a train coming in tomorrow at 4:30?”

     “That’s right.”

     “I was wondering if you could check your passenger list for a Benny Detmer?”

     “Passenger list? There’s no passenger list. The 4:30 is a freight, not a passenger.”

     “Are you sure there isn’t some mistake?”

     “No mistake, buddy. It’s a freight.”

     “Ok. I’m sorry to have bothered you. Thanks for your help.”

__________

     I decided to have lunch at Marinelli’s just a block from the office. On my way back to the office after lunch I had some time to kill so I stopped to get a shine. I was making small talk with a man sitting next to me waiting his turn, and I told him about my visit back to Union Square.

     “Yeah, that place has gone to hell. It won’t be around much longer.”

     “What do you mean,” I asked him?

     “I heard the city sold the entire block to some big developer that plans to raise the whole block and rebuild it from scratch. They want to modernize it.”

     “Well, what will happen to all the shops and businesses there?”

     “Who knows? I suppose most of them will go out of business. They’ll probably look for new tenants once they get everything built.”

     “That’s a shame.”

     “Yeah, it sure is. But the place is beginning to look run down. You know the mayor is on a crusade to modernize the city. He wants to bring in more tourist business. You got an interest down there or something?”

     “Oh there’s just a shop down there that sells pots & pans, and –“

     “You mean Vi’s place?”

     “Yeah. Do you know Vi?”

     “Sure. Everybody around here knows Vi. She’s been on that block for years. I don’t know how she’ll get along without that shop.”

     “I talked to her today. She said she’s expecting her husband Benny on the train tomorrow.”

     “That’s not going to happen.”

     “How do you know?”

     “I know. Benny use to work at the bicycle shop on 21st? You know the place?”

     “No. Never been there.”

     “Well when they went under after the crash, Benny lost his job. He started drinking, and he took to disappearing from time to time. Vi got use to him coming and going, and – “

     “Where did he go?”

     “Oh he’d get an itch and some booze in him and go down to the Nickel Line and hitch a freight. Sometimes he’d be gone a few weeks before he’d turn up again. Vi always took him back. Four years ago he decided to leave for Chicago because he heard they had work there at the stockyards. I heard he did work there for awhile, but his drinking got worse and he started missing shifts and they fired him.”

     “Where’d he go after that?”

     “Oh he came back here. He rode the Nickel back into town one night, and a security guard at the Nickel caught him getting off the train. There was a scuffle and Benny fell and cracked his skull on a piece of track. He didn’t have any identification on him so they got him to the hospital, and then took him to jail. One of his cellmates turned out to be a guy Benny knew from his years at the bicycle shop. Well, Benny didn’t survive the night. He had a bleed from the wound and the next morning they found him on his cot dead. The guy in the cell identified him to the police, but this guy knew Benny before he married Vi, so when they asked him about next of kin, the guy told them as far as he knew he didn’t have any.”

     “So how do you know what happened?”

     “I work for the newspaper. I write the obit columns, and I talk to the precinct captain whenever there’s a death notification, and they gave me Benny’s name.”

     “Didn’t you tell Vi?”

     “The obit was in the paper, and I figured there were plenty of people who knew her that saw it and she’d get the word. And I was right. The guy that has the candy store next to her place saw the notice and told her about it.”

     “What did she say?”

     “She didn’t believe it. And they couldn’t show her the body because they’d had it cremated because they couldn’t locate any family. So Vi just went about her business as if Benny would turn up again one day. Every year since she goes down to the Nickel Line in December to look for Benny. But he’s gone and he’s not coming back.”

__________

     On my walk home that evening after my shift ended, I walked down Union Square. The lights were off at Vi’s place and the door was padlocked. I went back to the boarding house and changed clothes. I’d decided to take my girlfriend to dinner and then to the Loretta Young picture at the Acme. On the walk there, I started telling her all about Benny and Vi. By the time I finished, we were at the ticket window.

     “That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. What’ll that poor woman do now, “ she asked?

     “I imagine she’ll just keep doing what she’s been doing. She’ll just keep believing Benny will come back to her one day.”

     I turned to the ticket taker. “Two, please?”

THE END

[filmmakerdreamst]

Peter Pan (2003) officially turns 20!

Peter Pan is a live-action fantasy adventure film directed by P.J.Hogan that reimagines the classic story of Peter and Wendy. The screenplay was written by P. J. Hogan and Michael Goldenberg and was released in cinemas in December 2003. The screenplay is based on the 1904 play Peter Pan, or The Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up and the classic novel Peter Pan by J.M.Barrie, which was originally published under the title Peter and Wendy.

The film tells the story of a young Edwardian girl, Wendy Darling (Rachel Hurd-Wood) and her two younger brothers John and Michael. On the night she is told she must grow up, a wild, fairy-like boy called Peter Pan (Jeremy Sumpter) flies into her room with his high-maintenance fairy Tinkerbell. When he learns that she tells stories, he whisks Wendy and her two brothers away to a magical Island called Neverland — where you supposedly don’t “grow up” — so that she can mother his henchmen, the Lost Boys. There she fights pirates led by the evil Captain Hook (Jason Isaacs), meets mermaids, dances with fairies, falls in love and grows up...

I have strong family connections tied to Peter and Wendy and J.M.Barrie. My great, great uncle Nico was one of Sylvia Llewelyn Davies’ sons — who was adopted by the writer J.M.Barrie (on whom Peter Pan is based). Nico’s daughter Laura — my cousin — who I first met a few years ago, told me that she was flown to Australia for the filming of P.J. Hogan’s Peter Pan because she was J.M.Barrie’s goddaughter. She told me that she was thrilled with the cast, especially Jason Isaacs, who played Captain Hook and Mr Darling. She also mentioned that Jeremy Sumpter, who played Peter Pan, was a lovely boy. However, she said she was very surprised and sad that the film wasn’t a big success as she really liked what they did with the story. I have loved the fairytale of Peter Pan from a young age, and learning that I am literally part of the family that inspired the story was very exciting and I’ve only begun to internalise it more as I’ve grown older.

When I was in my mid-twenties, I was diagnosed with a high level of Autism. One of my main symptoms was labelled “ageless”, which in simple terms means that one half of me is still a child that I can’t mentally leave behind. I can’t do many things that most adults can do, such as pay bills, drive a car, look after my own well being etc. I flap my hands when I get excited. I bounce. I sometimes speak in a baby voice. I overcommit to things I enjoy. I admit that it was hard to come to terms with the diagnosis when I first received it. But over time, I’ve come to believe that the two can coexist in a healthy way. I believe that I am an adult who is able to develop and grow while still carrying the child within me, and that this is not seen as a bad thing. I think Peter and Wendy can be seen as a reflection of that.

I was first introduced to P.J. Hogan’s Peter Pan a few years after it was released (I was maybe nine or ten years old), and I absolutely loved it. It wasn’t only one of my favourite film adaptations, but one of my favourite movies of all time. What surprised me most about the film at that age was how dark and gruesome it was, and full of this underlying sexual tension that I hadn’t expected at all from Peter Pan. Even today, this film still has a special place in my heart. It is made with so much passion and love for the original text that I can automatically put myself back into the story. After watching the film again as an adult, I almost immediately opened my copy of Peter and Wendy and started reading. I would even go so far as to say that I prefer the film to the book. However, part of me wishes that the age rating had been set much higher, as the dark and gruesome moments were some of the strongest parts of the film adaptation. This is possibly why some critics and viewers had difficulty categorising the film at the time.

However, I often consider P.J.Hogan’s Peter Pan to be the same equivalent as Joe Wright’s Pride and Prejudice. (which came out a few years later in 2005, starring Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen). The film moves at the same dreamlike pace. It is light, dark, colourful and deeply romantic.

I also often prefer P.J.Hogan’s Peter Pan to the 1953 Disney Animation of the same name, even though it’s the version I grew up with and liked. I find it much less straightforward and innocent. Also, the 2003 film is much closer to the original source material, which I loved reading as a teenager, and to J.M.Barrie’s original vision. The film manages to reflect the same intellectual subtext and depth of the novel while retaining the whimsy and magic.

Magical Realism

Peter Pan was a perfect blend of fantasy and realism. A lot of media these days focus too much on “realism” and make their sets and CGI look bland and washed out. It’s a common myth these days that no one likes whimsy anymore; it’s somehow seen as too childish. As a result, much of the magic of fantasy is lost. But in this Peter Pan, a lot of colour was used in the set design and cinematography. Everything was so brightly and colourfully lit. Most fantasy films these days, including the new live-action adaptation of Peter Pan and Wendy on Disney+, are all so gloomy and dark. You almost have to light up the screen to make out the actors’ facial expressions or what’s happening in the scene. But this film understands that a viewer who watches fantasy wants to be swept away, but also wants a certain amount of believability. Although the film contained a good amount of darkness, it did not shy away from being cartoonish either (which I think was partly inspired by the Disney animation), i.e. characters blushing or bouncing on the clouds.

The design of Neverland was breathtaking. I think the CGI, although criticised by some, made the island and creatures look more dreamy and fairytale-like. It was a good combination of CGI for the landscapes and real backdrops for the jungle, so there was enough magic and believability to transport the viewer into the story. A bright colour palette was used for the landscapes, while down-to-earth colours such as browns and greens were used on the ground, such as in “The Lost Boys Hide” under the tree, to give a sense of realism. The costume department also reflected this, from the majestic reds and blacks of the pirates, to the earthly colours of blue and red for the Native Americans, to the natural greens and browns of the Lost boys. I noticed that the colours in Neverland were used as a contrast to the Edwardian London back home, which is realistic but dull compared to the island.

One aspect I liked was that the lighting on Neverland always changed depending on the mood of the scene- unlike the naturalistic lighting on Earth. It was almost as if the island was a living being. For example, when there was a fight on the ship, the lighting was red. When Peter took Wendy to the mermaids, who were scary and frightening, the lighting was dark and blue. This created a surrealistic atmosphere, almost like a fever dream or a kind of nightmare.

Sometimes the environment changed depending on Peter Pan’s mood in the respective scene. I particularly liked how Peter Pan influenced the weather on Neverland. Just his mere presence when he flew to the island changed the entire atmosphere in an instant. His feelings also determined whether it was summer or winter. In other words, its suggested in the film that the longer he has been there, the more the island has become a part of him, so that he can no longer leave it. It’s almost as if the island has transformed him into a magical being.

The exuberant score by James Newton Howard: I’ll never forget that. I think that was one of the first movies I saw where I actively noticed the music because it was so brilliant. Even today, the “Flying” soundtrack still gives me goosebumps. It perfectly encapsulates the whimsy, joy and imagination of Peter and Wendy. I loved that there were always different variations. One of my favourite pieces from the movie is ‘Fairy Dance’, which starts off cheerfully and moves up and down depending on the characters’ conflict/what they’re saying in the scene.

Cast

The cast of this film adaptation was magnificent. The look of all the actors not only matched the book description, but also the mood, especially with the Darling family. One of the standouts was Olivia Williams as Mrs Darling. She captured the gentleness of the character perfectly. I also loved the new addition of Aunt Millicent, played by Lynn Redgrave. She fitted into the story so well that I was surprised not to find her in the novel. She had the perfect amount of ridiculousness and hilarity that suited J.M.Barrie’s style.

One particular member of the cast we can probably all agree on that was perfect, was Jason Isaacs, who played both Wendy’s father Mr Darling and Captain Hook. He was certainly a star in this film for sure. I just can not think of anyone who could play him better, especially in a live-action film adaptation. He was particularly good in the role of Captain Hook. When I first saw the film as a child, I did not know that Captain Hook and Mr Darling were played by the same person until my dad pointed it out to me because he was so good. I loved how they portrayed Wendy’s dad as shy and reserved, as opposed to Captain Hook who was flamboyant and sinister. Mirror versions of each other in different realities — that’s a common theme throughout the film. As Captain Hook, Jason Isaacs perfectly captured the essence of viciousness, deviousness and brutality that was necessary for the character. But also the deep loneliness and frustration behind it all. I have seen a quote that was supposedly cut from the film (and never should have been) that provides so much context for his hatred of Peter Pan:

“Imagine a lion in a cage and into that cage flies a butterfly. If the lion was free, it would pay no heed to such creature. But the lion is not free…and so the butterfly drives him slowly insane.” — Captain Hook

They did a really good job of showing how Peter Pan and Captain Hook are mirror images of each other. Peter Pan is a child who secretly wants to be an adult, while Captain Hook is an adult who secretly wants to be a child. Both fight each other for different reasons, but the goal is the same. For example, there is a great scene towards the end where Captain Hook uses his wits to defeat Peter in a fight. Here it becomes clear that there is deep symbolism for the inevitability of adulthood and the loss of childhood. Jason Isaacs really showed off his acting talent here. I liked that he wasn’t portrayed as a “dumb villain”, which he easily could have been.

There were also some great performances among the adults. Most notable was Richard Briers as the ‘pirate’’ Smee. But the child actors, especially the lost boys, really held the movie together. Their solid performances made it so believable that the island was ruled by children. I loved Theodore Chester as Slightly. He was very charming and funny in that role.

Another member of the cast I thought was brilliant was Carsen Grey, an indigenous actress of Haida descent, who played Princess Tiger Lily. I liked that they let her speak her ancestral language, Mohican, in this film. Although this film came out in the early 2000s, it is the only version of Peter and Wendy in which Native Americans are neither erased nor white-washed even though the representation is far from great. Considering how they’re treated in the novel, it’s perhaps for the best overall that they limited some of their scenes. However, I liked how firey she was in this adaptation and not the damsel in distress she was portrayed as in the Disney animation. I think it was a wise decision to cut the infatuation she had with Peter Pan, as it was really just one line in the book that would have added unnecessary drama, and all in all, it would have fallen short if all the female characters were jealous of each other.

They also downplayed Tinkerbell’s jealousy in this regard, portraying it more as her trying to protect Peter Pan’s youth from romantic advances, as hinted at in the novel, and also being sad that Wendy is attracting all of Peter Pan’s attention. Ludivine Sagnier has, in my opinion, succeeded well in making Tinkerbell equally repulsive and endearing, as befits the character.

Wendy Darling

Rachel Hurd-Wood was the perfect cast for the role of Wendy Darling. I was actually surprised to learn that this was her first film role ever, because she was a natural. She effortlessly possessed the same caring nature and charm that makes Wendy so endearing. She is exactly how I imagine the character when I read the story. When people talk about Peter and Wendy, they always mention Tinkerbell, Pan or Hook, but personally I am always drawn to Wendy. She is the real heroine of the story. After all, she was the main reason for Peter to bring her and her brothers to Neverland.

What always amazes me about Wendy’s role in the story is the fact that Wendy literally doesn’t spend much time being a “child” in the time she spends in Neverland. When she’s not escaping death at the hands of mermaids or pirates, she acts as a mother to the ‘lost boys’ and her brothers. She asks herself what she really wants from life. In comparison, she was allowed to behave more like a child at home in Edwardian London. Neverland is not a place where you never grow up. It’s the place where she chooses to grow up. Many people have described Neverland as a manifestation of Wendy’s subconscious as a result of trauma, and I’ve never found that to be more true in this adaptation.

One of the reasons why I think P.J. Hogan’s Peter Pan is the best film adaptation of the novel is the fact that the film revolves around Wendy’s coming of age. I loved that they expanded on her love of storytelling and also gave her a tomboyish streak. Instead of just being on the sidelines, she’s able to get involved and fight pirates while retaining many of her feminine traits such as her maternal instincts and romantic feelings for Peter. She makes mistakes and sometimes gets dragged into things she knows she shouldn’t do. But in the end, she triumphs.

In many film adaptations of Peter and Wendy that I have seen, Wendy is either only present in passing or not at all. Characters like Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell always take centre stage, which I think is a strange decision as they are part of Wendy’s story and not the other way around. Peter Pan is meant to metaphorically represent the childhood she does not want to give up (which is why the character is always played by a woman in the original play, as he is a mirror image of Wendy). And Captain Hook (J.M.Barrie also wanted him to be played by the same actor as Mr Darling) represents the dark side of her father, or rather what she imagines adulthood to be. This is particularly emphasised in this film adaptation because he is an important factor in her being told to grow up. The father, the concept of adulthood, and Peter Pan, her childhood, are at constant war with each other.

“You’re not supposed to be like Peter, who kept every good and bad aspect of being a child and can’t tell right from wrong. You’re not supposed to be Hook, either. He let go of everything childish and loving about him and became bitter and evil..You’re supposed to fall in the middle, to hold onto the things about childhood that make it beautiful — the wonder, the imagination, the innocence — while still growing up and learning morality and responsibility. You’re not supposed to be Hook. You’re not supposed to be Peter Pan. You’re supposed to be Wendy Darling.” — maybe-this-time

The 2023 live-action film Peter Pan and Wendy took a different approach, making Wendy a kind of powerhouse who always saved the day and outshone Peter Pan overall. In my opinion, the 2003 film adaptation emphasised very well that Wendy really is the yin and yang. She’s allowed to be romantic, be rescued by others and at the same time determine her own destiny and stand up for herself. Because that’s what her journey in the adaptation is all about. She is pressured by all the adults in her life to grow up. She allows herself to be seduced with the prospect of an eternal childhood by Peter Pan. Then she realises that it is not self-fulfilling. She is tempted by Captain Hook with the concept of adulthood. And finally, she finds a balance between these two extremes on her own terms. By the end of the film, Wendy has made her peace with growing up while still remaining a child at heart. That requires a certain mental strength that we should all strive for.

Peter Pan and Wendy Darling

In most adaptations of Peter and Wendy, such as Hook and Syfy’s Neverland, the focus is on the title character Peter. In the more recent film adaptation Peter Pan and Wendy, the focus is on Wendy. This film adaptation of Peter and Wendy, on the other hand, sticks more closely to the original source material, as the story focuses on Peter and Wendy’s relationship. This is perhaps the reason why I always hesitate when I watch other adaptations, because these two characters are supposed to go together. It’s definitely a relationship that can be portrayed in all sorts of ways because they are symbolically the same person.

Although there is no romance between Peter and Wendy in either the original novel or the play, Wendy quickly develops romantic feelings for Peter which, as a prepubescent child, he does not consciously reciprocate as he has no concept of love other than that of a mother’s. Although Peter cares deeply for her, he ultimately only longs for her to be the maternal figure that is missing in his life. One could go into the symbolism that Peter and Wendy are one and the same, and that this is an expression of Wendy learning to love herself. But in a literal sense, J.M.Barrie had unintentionally created this very strong potential between the two characters. And I personally feel if you’re going to make an adaptation of Peter and Wendy that potential needs to be explored in some way, even if it’s not necessarily romantic.

Hogan recognised this potential and developed the romantic elements, e.g. ‘the “thimble” from the novel, into a very real and tangible plot. In other adaptations, Peter and Wendy’s relationship is rather one-sided. But in P.J. Hogan’s film adaptation, however, it is not at all. Over the course of the film, Peter and Wendy fall deeply in love with each other.

Rachel Hurd-Wood and Jeremy Sumpter had a remarkable on-screen chemistry for young actors, which helped give the adaptation its own identity. Whenever they interacted on screen as Peter and Wendy, it was — like the glittering pixie dust of Tinkerbell — simply magical. The off-screen chemistry between the two definitely helped make the romance so believable as well. When I was younger, I didn’t like romantic subplots in family films. I personally found that they clogged up the main plot because the “romance” tended to be very one-dimensional- but Peter and Wendy in the 2003 film version were simply enchanting.

In the original novel, J.M.Barrie alludes to the possibility of a romance between the two. In the film adaptation, they go all out. Their love story was written so beautifully and profoundly, while staying true to the original text and J.M.Barrie’s themes. This made the conflict hinted at in the novel of “staying in Neverland with Peter or growing up on Earth with Wendy” even more poignant and relevant, because in reality there was only ever one option. They couldn’t find a way to have both. That made the ending even more “heartbreaking” for me as a child, because even though they had the chance to be happy together, she couldn’t give up on growing up to stay. And he couldn’t give up being a child to leave, even though it was a natural progression for him.

Peter Pan

Jeremy Sumpter delivered a fantastic performance as Peter Pan. Not only did he perfectly match the illustrations, but he also managed to perfectly capture the essence of the charismatic, mischievous little boy from the novel. What’s more, of all the versions I have seen so far, he is by far the most accurate, right down to the clothes made of skeleton leaves, the dirty fingernails, the feral mannerisms, the traumatised soul behind the charm and the downright creepy insinuations.

By today’s standards, you could almost take Peter Pan for a grown man who consciously decides not to behave like this. However, when I watch the film again as an adult, I can now understand why he has reservations about growing up in Edwardian England and would rather remain a “child” in Neverland forever. As Peter says in the film, “Would they send me to school? And then to an office?” I feel like most of us today have so many choices as we get older, but back then it was much more limited. The choices were very restricted in that “heterosexist” environment. You could only be a certain thing, and it was much harder to hold on to the pleasures of life. I can now also understand the initial reactions of Michael and John to Peter: He must have seemed scandalous to people at the time. His bright colours, his inappropriate clothing and his behaviour are repulsive to the boys, but Wendy is immediately fascinated and attracted. I think it was a deliberate choice that he is the only character with an American accent to set him apart from the rest of the cast; to emphasise the wildness of the character and his non-conformity to the people of Edwardian London.

Another small aspect I liked was the suggestion that the Lost Boys, although they lived with Peter and obeyed his commands, lived in constant fear of him and did not worship him as in other adaptations. (A fear that is justified as Peter tries to kill them more than once in the film). What the 2003 film adaptation perfectly captured about Peter’s character was: how terrible of a person he really is. Peter Pan is a hero when he goes on adventures and fights pirates. You could argue — via the quote “Leave Hook to me” (which Peter says to her in the film) — that Peter is Wendy’s split self who can fight her father (Captain Hook) for her, just like antibodies do with germs when we can’t handle them ourselves.

However, when it comes to understanding emotions, caring about others, even his henchmen, the Lost Boys, and doing anything that inconveniences him, Peter Pan is possibly as bad as Captain Hook. This makes Wendy’s decision to leave him all the more powerful. Although she was initially seduced by his adventurous life, she soon realises that his “life” of joy and adventure is not fulfilling at all. Because in reality, there is no real joy. There is no real adventure. In reality, his life is empty because it is not earned. In addition, she realises that she is gradually losing her memory of the outside world, including her parents (a sign that she is “slowly awakening from the dream”)”. This leads Wendy to realise that she wants more than what he can give her in Neverland (e.g. romantic love) and decides to leave. Being alive means feeling, accepting and growing. However, as long as Peter remains a boy, he can never truly be alive. Peter Pan conveyed this important message, whereas earlier film adaptations, including the Disney animation, did not.

One of the reasons why good adaptations of Peter and Wendy are so hard to find, especially in this day and age, is not only because they adapt a performative story that exists in layers of subtext. They also work with a protagonist who doesn’t change. Who doesn’t develop in any way, neither negatively nor positively. Not even just physically, but also mentally. (Even Eli from Let the Right One In, the child vampire, changes in the course of the story). Peter Pan is ultimately there to serve someone else’s story. It works in a fairy tale format. But it doesn’t usually translate very well to the screen because it often leads to one-dimensional storytelling. Even if it seems so natural, it doesn’t come naturally.

However, this adaptation allows Peter Pan to grow. The writers expanded on the small aspect from the book, which is the moment when Wendy enters Peter’s life; he begins to feel emotions. Not just love. But anger. Fear. Sadness. Pain. Disgust. And above all: self-awareness. Almost like a version of puberty in condensed time, as if the change suddenly caught up with his body. When Wendy brings this up, Peter immediately rejects it out of fear. I think most of us can all relate to this when we were in the midst of growing into a young adult. We experience feelings that are scary and new, that we can’t yet fully understand or even want to. For Peter Pan, falling in love is exactly what he is afraid of: growing up and no longer being a child. This adds to an interesting conflict that arises between the two when she asks him to leave with her.

“The thing about Peter Pan is, he’s a coward. Had the chance of a lifetime and he bottled it. Just fucked off back to Neverland. All alone, forever he was, by his own hand. Poor old Wendy, she had to grow old without him.” — Skins, 6x07 “Alo”

In the original novel, the reason Wendy can’t take Peter Pan with her (apart from the fact that he refuses to grow up) is the same reason Lyra in His Dark Materials can’t take Pan — the animal manifestation of her soul — on the boat to the land of the dead. She has to split in order to grow up and leave a part of herself behind. She can’t keep both in order to move on. But that does not mean I always agree with the ending either. In which Peter remains a child and takes Wendy’s descendants to Neverland and back to look after him. It leaves an icky aftertaste, but at least it fits in with the story J.M.Barrie wanted to tell.

Even though the adaptation conveys the same message, that Peter Pan is the manifestation of Wendy’s youth, even to the end. In this version of Peter Pan, that is no longer the case. By the end of the film, the way he holds himself is different. The way he looks wistfully through the open window and solemnly says, “To live would be an awfully big adventure,” : a sign of self-awareness, while Wendy happily reunites with her family. So much so that Tinkerbell has to pull him by the hair to stop him from joining them and reconsidering his decision. Peter is now old enough to know that he loves Wendy. Maybe he’s also mature enough to know what he’s missing, but he knows he can’t have her the way he wants, so he does the most selfless thing he’s ever done in the whole film by letting her go.

There is no such conflict at the end of the 1953 Disney animated film. Peter Pan is described by Wendy as “wonderful”. In reality, everyone else gets their happy ending, except him, because he deliberately chooses not to. Peter Pan very much turns himself into a tragic figure because he is afraid of the most natural thing in the world. He is afraid of life. And I feel like this version of the story knew that and expressed it strongly, which makes me conflicted now as an adult. I’ve seen endings like this before, where two people fall in love but do not end up together because they grow apart or they are both interested in different things, and it’s very important to reach those points in different ways. It very much reflects real life and is also reminiscent of first love. How that love never really fades. It reminds you of simple times, even when you’ve grown up and moved on. That a part of you is still at that age when you look back on it. These endings happen because people grow — which Peter Pan does not.

“Peter in the books lives in oblivious tragedy. He may suspect that he’s not fully happy, but he tends to forget about it… yet this Peter doesn’t… Wendy leaving him and growing up to be a wife of another man is his unhappy thought…It’s the loss of innocence since Peter could not forget this…It’s the process of growing up…all but confirms that Peter’s character arc in the film is one of accepting the fact he too must grow up to be happy.” — @rex-shadao

And I think that’s the real reason why his character is both the strongest and the weakest part of the adaptation. The writers didn’t make it clear enough that Peter Pan forgets in their version of the character. In the novel, Peter Pan forgets everything automatically, which is why he can exist in this limbo of childhood and not go mad. However, as mentioned earlier, this version of Peter Pan is old enough to remember and, more importantly, to feel. Even though he is the closest to J.M. Barrie’s original vision, unlike his counterpart in the book, he is capable of evolving. That’s why the ending sometimes feels strange to me as an adult. It was hard to say why I had a strange feeling at first, but I realised that a lot of my mixed feelings stemmed from having seen the film adaptation fresh after reading the novel. Since Peter Pan fully reciprocates Wendy’s love in this version, he ends up being a different character than in the book, which is why I now disagree with them keeping the original ending instead of having him grow up with Wendy. It would symbolise that childhood can co-exist with adulthood, that you don’t have to leave a part of yourself behind. That you can be your true and complete self if you find the balance between the two extremes.

The original ending still works however, in all its bittersweetness. I know what it means and understand what it stands for. Wendy basically says goodbye to her childhood and promises never to forget it. There’s a reason it made such an impression on me when I was younger. It could just be because I’m trying to pick up all the pieces of my broken heart from the floor. But personally, as an adult, I just find it weaker compared to the novel. Sometimes I like to imagine an ending to this version of the story where Peter Pan comes back, having quickly realised that he has outgrown Neverland, but doesn’t meet Wendy again until they are both much older, at a time when Wendy is coming to terms with womanhood and the idea of marriage. Or she even meets his real earth counterpart (if we were to delve into the psychology of Neverland being Wendy’s dream). And their relationship is subjected to the natural test of time and growth.

Peter Pan is an almost perfect adaptation. It matches the humour, the tone and the vision of J.M.Barrie. But I can certainly understand why the film didn’t do so well at the box office. In the month it was released, there was an unfair amount of competition, namely the film Lord of the Rings — The Return of the King. And as an adult, I can now understand why it’s not the film people think of or remember when it comes to Peter Pan adaptations. And it’s not just because it doesn’t fit the elfish, jolly trickster persona that Disney has created.

The film adaptation suffers more from what it doesn’t do — such as maintaining a stable tone and consistent editing — than from what it does. It’s one of those films that would have benefited from being much longer. That way, the inconsistent tone and some of the rushed parts of the adaptation would be much more balanced. It feels like it was missing an extra twenty minutes. For example, the film is narrated by an older version of Wendy, but without the deleted ending where it becomes properly clear that it’s her telling the story to tie everything together, the ending feels a little abrupt. Say what you will about Tim Burton’s adaptation of the Series of Unfortunate Events, but the audience could see where the film’s narration was coming from the whole time. I think if they knew the alternate ending wasn’t going to work (that scene is a classic example of something working well in the novel but not in the film), they should have removed the narrator altogether with the deleted ending and adjusted the film accordingly. They should have extended some scenes so that parts of the film weren’t rushed, such as the introduction, and the story would have been left more up to interpretation as there was no voiceover throughout.

Despite its weaknesses, P.J.Hogan’s Peter Pan is still an underrated masterpiece 20 years later. It is an irresistible film that captivates and warms the heart. The film adaptation has certainly stood the test of time, staying true to the original while adding its own flavour to the story. It is full of magic, wonder and heart. It was clearly made by people who loved the origins of the story and explored where they came from, while also digging deep into the text to reshape the character arcs in a fresh and meaningful way. They succeed in capturing J.M.Barrie’s original message, which is that growing up is a natural progression of life, but that doesn’t mean leaving childhood behind entirely. That it is important to maintain a healthy balance between the two: Taking responsibility while appreciating the joys of life. From the vibrant colour palette to the goosebump-inducing music to the solid performances and gorgeous chemistry between Jeremy Sumpter and Rachel Hurd-Wood, my love for this adaptation will never end, no matter how old I am.

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[these-written-reveries]

About Me!

*I figured I would make a little post to tell y’all a bit about myself. If you’re interested, keep reading!

» Hi, I’m Kalista! I also go by Kal, or whatever other sweet name you wanna call me 🥰

» I’m 24

» My pronouns are she/her

» I identify as demisexual and lesbian/queer 🌈

I know it may be silly/confusing to hear this, considering I write/post/fawn over fictional men 🤭 I do find myself attracted to male fictional characters because they’re…well, fictional. If they were real, that would likely be a very different story lol. Take a look at “compulsory heterosexuality/comphet” if you’re interested to know more about that -or ask me, I don’t mind!

» I have autism and adhd (audhd). This discovery about myself has opened many doors to self-acceptance that were previously locked by shame and confusion. I’m very proud of my neurodivergence!

» I am also physically disabled. I have a nice lil’ handful of chronic conditions lol. I like to laugh about it because it’s the best way to cope through the misery.

» I’m a “maladaptive daydreamer”. Have been since I was a child. Reading/writing was always a primary outlet for me to cope with and escape my reality and delve into dream worlds. Fanfiction was a huge part of that, so I’m very grateful for it.

» Music is a big inspiration for me when it comes to…just about everything. But especially my writing. I also have a very eclectic taste in music. I like at least a little bit of almost everything.

Favorite artists/bands: Lake Street Dive, Chappell Roan, Taylor Swift, Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks, Shania Twain, Anna Calvi, Ashnikko, Superknova, Sammy Rae & The Friends, Ella Fitzgerald, Qveen Herby, Laufey, Hozier, BTS, Sabrina Carpenter, Nine Inch Nails (I’m trying not to list a lot, it’s very hard 🙈)

» Some of my fav shows: Supernatural, New Girl, My Hero Academia, Stranger Things, Pose, Grace and Frankie, Ouran High School Host Club, Sherlock, Haunting of Bly Manor, Orange is the New Black, Why Women Kill

» Some of my fav movies: Howl's Moving Castle, Joker, Batman: The Dark Knight, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Pirates of the Caribbean (1-3), Ratatouille, Legally Blonde (2001), Beauty and the Beast (1991), Peter Pan (2003), Princess Diaries (1 & 2)

» Brevity is not my expertise. Can you tell?

» I love rats! Had 8 of them as pets, but decided to stop caring for more due to my disabilities and busyness of life that made it hard to keep going with it. I do not intend on having kids, so I hope in the future I can get back to being a rattie mom again. I also want cats…yeah, idk how I’m gonna make that work 🤭

» I live in America…It’s not fun here, guys…😭

» I'm working on writing a novel that will likely become a series! Not sure whether I'll decide to go with a publisher or self-published yet. I am still in the early-ish stages of worldbuilding and whatnot, so I have plenty of time to figure that out! This is my dream and I’m working hard to make it happen!

» One of the reasons I am committing myself to getting back to writing and posting fics again is because I want to keep my writing skills sharp while I work on my novel. I want to learn and grow and challenge myself more to become a better and more confident writer. The other reason is because I have held myself back for so long from doing this out of fear of not being good enough. I’m quite frankly tired of holding myself back from the things I want and I’m working on healing these parts of myself. This is part of that process! So, for those who have read my fics, thank you for supporting me through this journey!

» I’m always open to making new friends, so please don’t hesitate to reach out to me -I promise I don’t bite!

I can’t really think of much else right now. Thanks for reading if you’ve made it all the way through! If you have any questions about me or wanna talk about something I wrote here, you can certainly send me an ask/message -just please be respectful, of course!

Hope you have a wonderful day/night wherever you are! 💖

[ravagedarkness]

Spider-Man: Home Rebuilt, Chapter 33: Guy In The Chair

The call turned out to be a session in and of itself. It wasn’t anything major. It was an introductory session of sorts. But, still, I felt like I was already feeling progress. It wasn’t a lot of progress per se. I guess it was like… a baby learning to stand up.

“Well, let’s start with a bit of an introduction,” Jericho began over the phone. “I know some therapists tend to charge for the intake session, but I tend to give those free of charge for people in a certain line of work.” I had a feeling that the line of work in question was being a costumed hero. “With that said, allow me to introduce myself formally. As you already know, I’m Jericho Drumm. I live New Orleans, Louisiana, but I’m originally from Haiti – Port-au-Prince, to be exact. I still go there pretty regularly. Anyway, I have a bachelor’s degree from Xavier University of Louisiana and a master’s degree and doctorate from Tulane University – all in Psychology. I’m certified by the Louisiana State Board of Examiners of Psychologists. I’ve been in this field for about 13 years now – and yes, that includes the Blip Years. As you can probably guess, business was, for unfortunate reasons, very plentiful.”

I raised my eyebrows briefly. “Yeah,” I commented.

“How about yourself?”

“Well… as you know, I’m Peter Parker. I’m… currently working on my GED. Scott Summers is actually my teacher. I do plan on going to college. MIT is my goal. I’m currently living in Manhattan, but I was born in and spent most of my life in Queens, so I consider that my home borough. Beyond that… I’m a freelance photographer for The Daily Bugle… which is ironic since I’m in a certain line of work, where I work with Scott.” I chuckled. “But, yeah, I think that’s about all I can say for now.”

Jericho made a noncommittal sound. “Okay. And why are you seeking therapy?”

“My girlfriend thinks I need professional help and I agree. I’m… I went through a lot these last few years – especially during the last several months. So… yeah.”

“I see. Have you ever been in therapy before?”

“No.”

“And what are you looking for? What do you expect?”

I was given a bit of pause for a moment. I then sighed. “…I don’t know about expectations. What I do hope for is that… maybe I can get to a point where I don’t feel like everything good in my life isn’t going always to slip away or be taken away from me. …Am I making sense?”

“You are,” Jericho said reassuringly. “Since I think we hit the point where we can’t talk much more without revealing certain details, allow me to tell you how things are going to go. Making appointments will be on you. I understand that life is likely extremely busy for you, so I won’t take it personal if you take a lot of time between appointments – I have clients who have had years between appointments. Anyway, once I get your e-mail, I’ll send you a link so we can video chat. Said link is extremely secure, so feel free to be rather open when we do chat. But, for the sake of safety, I’m heavily encouraging you to use a VPN and make sure you’re in a secure place. Also, confidentiality is a two way street with us. Understood?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Good. Now, let’s talk risks and benefits…”

The rest of the day went by as normal. After I made by daily trip to Peter Pan, I went home and gathered my supplies for the study night. Not wanting to risk another encounter with Scorpion, I decided to take an Uber over to MJ’s place.

During the car ride, I sat in the back seat of a yellow Ford Taurus. The driver was listening to a news report on the radio regarding my fight with Scorpion.

“…while no civilians were hurt in the clash, the fight resulted in sizeable property damage, including wrecked cars and a damaged fire hydrant. For better or for worse, the fight between Spider-Man and Scorpion was put to an end when Frictor, another masked vigilante and a member of the group known as the X-Men – which also includes Spider-Man – arrived on the scene and drove Scorpion off with an automatic rifle. Reaction towards the skirmish has been rather polarized on social media. While a lot of people pointed to this fight as another example for the need of The Accords, there has been a lot of pushback from those who believe that Justin Hammer created a problem by making a solution for an issue that didn’t need fixing in the first place…”

The driver sighed as she turned off the radio.

“Serves Scorpion right,” the driver commented, her voice colored with a Jamaican accent.

“I take it you’re not a fan of Scorpion,” I inquired, wanting to make small talk. At that, she scoffed.

“Nah, not even a little bit.” She shook her head. “All Scorpion did was make more trouble. They want to crack down on all of the vigilantes in New York, but they’re the ones helping out in this city. If the government was able to do their job, they would have done so already.” She chuckled. “Besides, Spider-Man has been nothing but good for us. A video ‘proving’ he killed Mysterio is not going to make me think any different.”

I smiled as I looked out the window. “I agree, Miss…”

“Mousie,” she said. I looked up at the rearview mirror to see her gazing back at me. I could tell she was smiling. "Good to see another Spider-Man fan.”

After I was dropped off, I took a moment to give Mousie five stars before I headed up. Once I reached MJ’s door, I knocked on it five times. I lowered my hand and waited. A few moments later, the door opened, revealing MJ on the other side, who was dressed in a black t-shirt with matching sweatpants.

“Hey Dork,” she greeted as she stepped aside.

“Hey Em,” I replied as I walked in. The two of us shared a brief kiss before I started taking off my shoes. “Is Ned here?”

“Yeah, he’s just using the bathroom. We’re set up in the living room, so have a seat.”

I made my way over to the living room. I took a seat on the sofa. On the coffee table was a bowl of nachos, a bowl of queso dip, and two cans of Coca-Cola, along with a couple of textbooks and notebooks. I heard the sound of a fridge opening and closing. I looked over my shoulder to see MJ walking towards me with a can of Coke. She handed the can towards me. I took it graciously.

“Thanks, Em,” I said in earnest.

“Anytime, Loser,” she replied as she took a seat next to me. “So, how was your day?”

“It was… interesting,” I told her. “…There’s a chance I might be in California this upcoming weekend.”

At that this, MJ smiled wryly. “Are you going Hollywood on me?”

I scoffed and shook my head. “No. It’s just… Scott, Craig, and Kitty got a text way early in the morning. There’s a good chance that said text came from Carmilla.”

MJ’s eyebrows furrowed up as she tilted her head. “Who?”

“Carmilla Black. She’s a former X-Men and was actually living with the others about six months before we all met them. And… she’s also Craig’s ex. They had a bit of a falling out. But, the text was written in this code that only Scott, Carmilla, Kitty and Craig know. Craig really wanted to get out there as soon as possible. Problem is the coordinates were in the middle of California’s part of the Sonoran Desert. So, Scott wants to make sure the text is legit before he decides to go out there.”

“Is Craig okay?” MJ asked.

“He will be, I think,” I replied. “He really wants to make sure she’s okay.” I sighed sadly as I remembered the talk Craig and I had on the roof. I then smiled slightly. “On a lighter note, though… I finally found a therapist to talk to.”

“That’s awesome, Loser!” MJ turned in her seat and wrapped her arms around my neck. She pulled me into a tight embrace, which I returned. “Seriously, I’ve been afraid that you’d burn yourself out, with what has been happening recently between you and Scorpion.”

“So was I.” I pulled away a bit, just enough so I could look MJ in the eye. “Fortunately, I had some people save me from my own stupidity.”

At that, MJ scoffed. “We’ll be doing that a lot,” she jested.

“I know you’re joking… but you’re right,” I replied.

“I usually am.” MJ leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine for a brief kiss.

“I’m grateful for that.”

We kissed again. This kiss wasn’t brief. As our lips moved against each other, we both ended up leaning against the backrest and headrest of the sofa. I turned by body, bringing my left knee on the cushion to get more comfortable. Right after that, I got lost in the kiss. I no longer cared about studying. The only thing I cared about at that moment was MJ. The only other thing I was still aware of was the sofa we were on – it could have been picked up by a tornado, and I would neither know nor care.

Unfortunately, we were interrupted by the sound of a throat clearing. We both parted and looked towards Ned, who gave us a halfhearted glare.

“I leave you alone for one minute, and you decided to start a make out session with Peter?” he chided MJ. “We’re here to study Trigonometry, not Anatomy!”

From the corner of my eye, I saw MJ pout. “You and Betty make out around me all the time, but I never say anything!” she shot back.

Ned raised his eyebrows as he leaned forward. “Yes you do! You always do! Just yesterday, you asked Betty what my vocal cords taste like! People were around us! They were grossed out!”

“Well maybe next time, you and Betty won’t start a make out session in the middle of the lunch line! The one time I decide to just get lunch from school, I have to see you and Betty trading spit like Pokémon cards!”

“You’re just mad because Peter’s not on campus with you!”

As the two went back and forth, I just watched them. It was a hilarious sight. But it was also relieving and poignant for me. Once again, I was reminded that I had Ned and MJ back in my life. And that made me happy.

Eventually, we did get to studying. We went over Sum and Difference formulas. We spent about three hours on it, not including the snack breaks we took. I made sure to take great notes – I wanted to be able to test into Calculus when I go to college. After the study session, the three of us got settled in for a movie. MJ wanted something dark and broody. Ned wanted something with action. I decided to split the difference by suggesting New Police Story. After we agreed on it, we all sat on the couch. Well, that wasn’t quite true. Ned was leaned up against my right arm. Meanwhile, MJ was curled up on my lap. It was just like the old days, during the time between MJ and I kissing in London and when The Daily Bugle helped Mysterio posthumously expose me.

It was a beautiful time.

However, things came to an end when the phone vibrated in my pocket. I used the remote to pause the movie before I looked down at MJ.

“Sorry, Sweetie, but I need you to move,” I told her apologetically. She moaned in disappointment, but she moved, sitting up and crossing her arms.

“Someone better be dying,” she deadpanned. I chuckled. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I looked at the cracked screen.

It was Kitty.

I answered the phone and put it to my ear.

“Hello,” I greeted.

“Hey Peter,” she replied. “…Are you alone?”

“No. I’m with Ned and MJ at the moment. Is everything okay?”

“…Sort of. Well, not really. I hit a snag on our group project. I was trying to track down the message we got this morning, but it turns out, the text was sent via e-mail.”

“…Wait, you can do that?” From the corner of my eye, I saw Ned look at me.

“As a matter of fact you can. It’ll take a bit of time, but we’ll figure it out. I just wanted to give you a bit of an update, and…”

“I can help with that,” Ned said aloud.

Kitty was given pause. “Excuse me?”

“Hold on, I’m putting you on speaker,” I stated before I put the cellphone on speaker and placed it on the coffee table.

“I was saying I can help with that,” Ned continued. “I have some programs in my laptop, and I have it with me. If you want, we can come over to where you guys are at, and I can track down where the email is from.”

“Ned… I know your hacking skills are quite impressive. But I don’t want you or MJ involved in this. The last thing I want you to do is unwittingly do something that’ll put a target on your back.”

“I can handle that, Kitty,” Ned assured. “You know, I hacked Peter’s suit – the one using Stark tech. So, tracking down a text via email shouldn’t be too much of a problem.”

“And besides, the more help you get, the quicker you guys can find out what’s going on with Carmilla,” MJ added. I didn’t say anything. I low key agreed with Kitty. I didn’t want Ned and MJ to get hurt. But, Ned is Guy In The Chair, and MJ was… MJ. We were a trio – half the time, wherever one went, we all went.

“…Okay, give me your location – Craig is picking you guys up.”

About thirty minutes later, Craig arrived. We made our way down and piled into his SUV. As he drove, we all remained silent. Craig was listening to music. I would later find out that he was listening to Delusional by Tech N9ne. We knew he was in a certain mood and that it was best that we didn’t try to talk to him, no matter how much I wanted to.

Eventually, we arrived at the garage where the X-Men kept their vehicles. After we exited Craig’s SUV, he beckoned us to follow him with his right hand. He walked over to a set of five light switches that were on a wall. They were all in the off position. Craig flipped them on and off in a certain sequence. After that, I heard the sound of a lock disengaging before a part of the floor opened up.

“A trapdoor?” MJ said.

“Yup,” Craig replied. He walked up to it. We followed him and watched as he made his way down a set of stairs. We descended after him. He stopped briefly at a red button and pressed it. Behind us, the trapdoor closed and locked. He then walked forward. As we followed him, we ended up in somewhat large room. There was a roundtable with chairs, a small counter with a Keurig machine, a fridge, a wooden cabinet, and a computer with three monitors on top of a large desk. Kitty was sitting at the desk, and Scott was at the table, sipping a cup of coffee.

“I got them,” Craig called out, getting the attention of Scott and Kitty.

“Hey guys,” Kitty replied as she turned in her seat. “Welcome to the underground.”

“Do your best to help us,” Scott said to Ned. “But there’ll be no hard feelings if you can’t. Tell us what we need to do.”

“I’m going to need one of your cellphones and a cord,” Ned stated. Craig pulled out his cellphone and walked up to Ned. He handed the device over. After that, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his charger. He pulled the cord out of the charging box and handed it over to Ned. “Thank you." Craig nodded quietly.

Ned walked over to the round table and took a seat. During this, Scott and Kitty stood up from their seats and joined Craig, MJ, and I behind Ned. Ned took a couple of minutes to boot up his laptop. After that, he booted up a couple of programs. One was a custom VPN he often used when he talked with me during my Spider-Man activities prior to The Spell. He took a moment to set the location for Antarctica. After that, he ran another program. This one showed a black and white map of the world covered in red dots.

“What is that?” MJ asked.

“It’s a map of every cell tower on Earth,” Ned replied. “It can also show every server on Earth, too.” After he connected the charging cord to his laptop, Ned connected Craig’s phone to the cord. As the screen on the phone lit up, Craig reached over for it. He tapped in a code, unlocking it. He then went through the settings to allow data transfer for the phone. He backed off after that, letting Ned continue his work. Ned went through Craig’s phone via his laptop before he found the file for Craig’s texts. “Which text are we looking for?”

“It should be the most recent one,” Craig replied.

Ned nodded before he switched programs. Using the program, he went through Craig’s phone again. After pulling up the message, he tapped at the keyboard of his computer a few times before the map was pulled up again. Several of the dots flashed yellow until there were two yellows dots. There was one in California – in the Sonoran Desert region – and one in New York.

“So the text originated from California,” Ned explained. “It reached a cell tower in New York – probably the one closest to where you guys live at.” He looked at Scott, Craig, and Kitty as he did so. “However, you did say it was sent by e-mail. So…” He typed a command into the computer before a green dot lit up. It was also in New York, practically right on top of the yellow dot. “…It looks like the e-mail went through a server in New York.” He typed in a few commands. “…The e-mail originated from the server at these coordinates.”

“Let me see them,” MJ said as she pulled out her phone. She opened up her browser. She then looked back and forth between the screen of the laptop and phone as she typed away at the phone’s screen.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Googling the coordinates,” she replied. After she was done typing, she looked at the screen of her phone. Her eyes went wide for a bit. She then took in a breath and closed eyes. There was a look of annoyance on her face.

“…Everything okay?” Scott said as everyone looked at her.

“…So, there was a hit on the coordinates.” MJ opened her eyes. “But you guys are not going to like this – at all.”

She placed her phone on the counter. We all looked down at it. My mouth went ajar as I read the Google result.

Hammer Industries.

[unpossession]

                     Letters to Zero / ? of ? (pre-breakup)

Dear Zero, @ohfiendangelical .

Today is too sunny for me; I've opted for the gloom of my bedroom, found myself bored and tired and missing you, wanting to write to you in the hopes it'll stop me from sending a desperate text and waiting around all night in despair until you see it and reply. I’m a little foolish that way, I think - needy. I think it’s quite an ugly trait on me, but always seems to suit others just fine. Maybe it’s about the level of need, of wanting. I want you, I miss you, but I won’t call. Letters are far more romantic, anyways, the distance from brain to pen to paper, my home to your home, the wanting stretches, expands. It’s kind of like a contract, isn’t it? Something invisible that connects the two of us. A straight line of communication, and it can’t end, right, because you don’t write a letter to end a conversation. Letters are always open. A palm outstretched.

But I’ve been rambling, haven’t I? Zero, I don’t do well alone, I think you’ll see why, the more I write to you. I’m talking to you like you’re inside my head, which, in some ways you are. I imagine you smiling at this, playing at bashful. You’ll see, as we are alone in my headspace now as I write, that I let my thoughts overcome me. Zero, you’ll see that I’m more prone to my melancholia when I am left to my own devices.

I hope you’ll visit me soon. Peter Pan at my window, looking to take me somewhere humid and wet, where it’ll rain. I can’t stop thinking about the rain.

Yours always,

Willow x

[wolfieenaiisblog]

THESE hot men have taken over my life

hello, 9-1-1 these men have taken over my life. hey guys it's me Nai and if you didn't know I'm obsessed with sexy men just kidding. I was just hanging out this week and I was like wow I kind of have a grand master list of who I've been obsessed with so I thought hmm I wonder if someone is interested at all and every man that's taken over my life ever. I wrote down from like the age of six who and what guy I've liked all the way up to now I'm 16 and the list has gotten pretty long so I wrote it down in a notebook. I just want to share some of my memories and my thought process behind the men that I've been obsessed with because once a fangirl always a fangirl.

The first person I remember being obsessed with was around the 2013 era when I was seven years old and a guy that rapped songs on youtube called Mattyb. he was my Justin Bieber. Now when I was younger I used to think Mattyb was cute. I just remembered watching and being like he's so cute and I used to pretend he was my boyfriend and like play imaginary you know with your friends and that's my first memory of having like a crush Maybe like Jack Frost, Peter Pan, Danny Phantom I don't know but I'm not getting into cartoons like I kind of opted that one out because obviously, Aladdin was super hot too okay I told myself not to get into cartoons so I'm gonna go to 2014.

Okay in 2014 a little movie called The aliens in the attic, you probably think I liked Tom Pearson well I do not like Tom Pearson I like Jake Pearson that was the phrase I went through. I remember watching the aliens in the attic and my mom was like why are you rewatching that movie again and I was like I'm in love.

I was also obsessed with the little band called one direction, the boy that never left my heart was harry styles. I loved all their songs I and my sister will always listen to their songs and dance along to them.

I remember watching a show called henry danger where I was obsessed with Jace Norman. I had my eyes set on that blonde guy I was in love with him, but that obsession didn't die down all the way to 2016.

I had my eyes on Finn Wolfhard when I have seen him on stranger things, I love him with my whole heart, and I still have an obsession with him to this day, I watched all the movies he was in, and he had my ten-year-old heart still have it.

And then I was obsessed with Rodrick Heffley, he is so hot and I really like him still. That's when my bad boy phrase kicked in it was around 2017 and you know what else happened in 2017 I had a crush on Dylan O'fucking brein baby. I remembered watching teen wolf with my mother and while my friends crushed on Scott Mcall I was like Stiles.

My weirdest crush was MGk, I regretted liking I still feel embarrassed every time someone mentioned him to me. and fucking Pete Davidson I don't know what the fuck I saw in them but whatever I am so glad that crushed died down cause that was embarrassing for 12-year-old me.

and then Timothee Chalamet walked into my life I still have a crush on him by the way, he will always have my heart. I really liked this man I still have the fattest crush on him to this day, he is like my everything you know.

well you think it stopped there well you are wrong, they are also a lot of men that I liked but I am too lazy to put them all. But anyhoo a show called Outerbanks I was obsessed with JJ Maybank, he is like my other half basically. I remembered watching him and I was like shit I am gonna fall in love with him right.

Then I started watching a show called the society and I was obsessed with a guy who was psychotic and evil, his name was Campbell Eliot, yes I know he was a psychopath but he had a good-looking face alright.

And then I watched a show called heathers, and I vowed to myself don't fall in love, I fell in love with Jason Fucking Dean, yeah that's right another psychopath.

I think we all girls had a phrase where they were obsessed with Leonardo Dicaprio, I binged watched all his movies, Jack Dawson had my fucking heart.

Then I started watching a show called deadly class and I was obsessed with Marcus Lopez's underrated show. You should definitely check it out.

Then I watched a show called "I am not okay with this" as I was watching it, I looked at the screen and that's when I fall in love with Wyatt Oleff, I would rewatch it for almost a whole week cause of how much I loved him and I was waiting for season two. Netflix cancelled the show.

Then I was bored outta my mind and that's when I started simping over billy Loomis I rewatched the show for the second time and I realized how hot he really was.

And then I watched a movie called concrete cowboy starring Caleb Mclaughlin, and I am sitting there like when did he get so fine and that's when the obsession began.

Then one of my friends told me to watch a show called hemlock grove, where I fell in love with Bill Skarsgard I didn't know what he looked like and sounded like in real life out of the clown pennywise so when I watched it I was like omg when did Pennywise get so fine like shit.

and now in 2022, I was obsessed with Fezco from Euphoria, I watched edits of him.

Timothee Chalamet seemed to walk back in my life, where I binged watch all his movies watched edits of him, talking about him 24/7.

Stranger things season 4, Peter Ballard/henry creel/001/ vecna aka Jamie Campbell Bower. I fell in love with him without knowing he was the bad guy, I kinda knew he was but I was ignoring it because I didn't wanna believe that he could be so evil.

Joesph Quinn as Eddie Munson I love him so much sad that he had to die I am still mad at the duffer brothers.

And what do you know Elvis came out, and my austin butler phrase was back in. I watched the movie at least a total of 10 times. I'm obsessed with the guy now like really obsessed with him. Austin Butler is the love of my life literally.

and I have more crushes like Johnny Depp, Drew Starkey, Tom Holland, and more.

I feel like these last few months have just been a rollercoaster with Henry Creel coming into stranger things his real name is Jamie Campbell Bower.

Harry Styles, of course, that never goes away. Timothee Chalamet, these are people I just probably never get over I think Austin Butler is one of them too and it is getting really overwhelming for me I had to write this down not for your sake I know in the beginning I said you guys are interested but I feel like I had to get this off my chest it's gotten out of hand I've seen the Elvis movie for the tenth time. I don't know when this comes out I have seen it. It's only been a few days since I have seen it you know.

Stranger things season four finished, Timothee Chalamet will always be Timothee chalamet, I want the old Rodrick back it's just getting really out of hand. I pledge allegiance to all the men that have taken over my life.

Now I know that there are people I missed so if you want to help me with my grand master list of every person that's taken over my life comment down below or I know sure as hell if you are reading this someone has taken over your life so comment down below who that person is and we can talk about it I can agree and I can disagree we can agree to disagree give this post a like and follow me and I think for all the men that have taken over my life just for their sake I think it's time to skedaddle. thanks for reading this long ass rant

[ponponsugar]

So.

I need to vent. I'm not going to go too into it as I probably shouldn't cause it'd feed into my ocd -but I wanted to just say that right now. The ocd theme I'm currently dealing with right now is killing me...Like my body is exhausted, my sleep schedule is garbage so I only get three hours of sleep a night

& I guess I'm just tired of being scared all the time? Just the fear of not going out is HUGE , not trusting anyone is HUGE and having that 'somethings bad is about to happen to me, ' pit in my stomach feeling is also HUGE.

not to mention...after being properly diagnosed with ocd...I feel like an even bigger failure. Like I know having a mental illness or disorder isn't anything to be ashamed of but for me...I look back at when I believed I didn't have ocd , when I wasn't diagnosed and see all the damage ocd did to my life and how it effected others....its just sad?

Cause all throughout my life I felt I was in a race-not trying to get in first place or second or third-I just wanted to run like everyone else. And as I got older I noticed that...I couldn't run like everyone else. Yet I continued to make stupid excuses as to why I wasn't keeping up with others in life or was just in complete denial of being different? Like for example... The moment I was told by doctors I had auditory processing disorder I kept telling myself , "oh you're fine, you can keep up in class, you're fine-oh wait you're not fine? you can't keep up in class-you're probably just lazy or not that bright. Oh shit the teachers called on you and you can't understand a word they said? just nod and pretend you understand what's going on" Or like the moment I was diagnosed with BPD and struggled to understand why my emotions weren't as quiet as others , why I would suddenly feel like a fairy from peter pan only able to feel one emotion at a time like a light switch, struggling to understand why no one saw the world in black and white like me. And I'd say to myself, "You're just passionate! Fiery! If people can't keep up with your emotions that's fine! People have different personalities! Oh wait...they don't see how simple and cut and dry it is to make a decision? that's not normal .. cause there's no such thing as a grey area..." and boom! being diagnosed with OCD on top off all that? looking back at at my intrusive thoughts and fears , convincing myself that it was just anxiety -and the fear I felt was just being shy. My own parents nicknamed me 'the worry child' cause I'd be the worrier of the family-and to think I thought being scared was just a personality...

I just feel so dumb that I even thought I could run at all-more so even run in a race. And knowing now that my brain isn't exactly healthy and that everyone is doing things that they love. Just living and existing. I get so sad... cause I want to have those things too. I want to do something I feel proud of, I want to live and exist like everyone else but I'm too scared. I can't eat chicken cause I'm scared there'll be maggots inside, I can't go outside cause I'm scared I'll get killed in a car wreck or murdered, I can't walk under trees for fear I'm gonna get a tick and be allergic to ground beef thus having to eat chicken for the rest of my life....the list goes on and all of these intrusive thoughts...seem to snow ball and get bigger and bigger the older I get.

And seeing how the world is now-it just gets scarier and less kind. But yeah..that's my vent. ocd is garbage. I feel like garbage that's about it .