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Batfamily au where Martha and Thomas Wayne live

Following popular theories Thomas is a well known and respected doctor/surgeon. He often helps the lower classes by offering free stitches or check ups. Martha was a famous actress/model and loved the benefits of her husband helping everyone (aka never getting harassed).

Bruce is still bruce so he still dropped out of med school and focused on expanding well fare program to help the people of gotham. He still adopts all his kids but deals with all their shit like a normal parent would. But his parents reactions to his children achieving more academically than him is the funniest shit

For example

Martha: oh Stephanie i heared you’re all set to get your M.D.

Steph: yes i am finally all the hard work paid off

Martha: at least you saw it through unlike other with more privilege. You should ask Thomas about working with him.

Bruce: I don’t like blood 🫤

Or

Jason: so Grandma and Grandpa will you make it to my graduation ceremony for my Phd in philosophy?

Thomas: Of course, another Wayne with a doctorate we wouldn’t miss it for the world

Martha: don’t worry we’ll stop your dad from getting matching shirt with your face on them, jaybird

Bruce: *on the computer created the shirts*

And bruce isn’t even mad at the pettiness of his parents because his children are all accomplishing greatness by following their passion. Plus, he knows his parents are just kidding and glad he followed what made him happy even if it was becoming a single dad at 21.

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Tim: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as i lay festering. You are the definition of dread.

Damian: what did the clone do?

Tim: oh nothing he’s the best

Damian: then why ?

Tim: MAPPA officially canceled Yuri on Ice

Damian: Love is dead but revenge can help us feel something in this bleak world

Tim: oooh ok lets go

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Barty: Look I am not a parent, or an uncle or even a god father. I don’t like children. They are little sticky messes.

-the next day-

Barty: *playing with Luna and Harry* sorry this is a 4 and over club so only the one with the messy hair can come in

Luna: I turn four in two days

Barty: ok ill make an exception this once but its our little secret

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Fuck it friday

Posting a new fic for Fuck it Friday :)

Tags: @watchyourbuck @tizniz @diazsdimples @theotherbuckley @mattsire @chaosandwolves @steadfastsaturnsrings

you're the one

Gabe raises an eyebrow, moving closer, “You’re not taken, are you? I don’t see a ring around those nice, big fingers of yours.”

Buck swallows, “I am, actually.” It’s a lie. A complete lie. Buck is as single as… well, he’s too tipsy to think of an example. But he is very, very single.

“Well, they don’t have to know,” Gabe says, his voice smooth. In another life, where Buck had still been desperate for attention and touch, even if it was from strangers, he probably would’ve already said yes. Now he’s smarter than that to know this man is trouble.

Buck panics and glances around. Eddie is laughing at something Hen said. He can’t help him.

Chimney bumps against him, suddenly not distracted anymore, “Buck, what drink do you want?”

Buck turns to Gabe. He has no clue why he’s saying this. He blames the alcohol, even though he hasn’t had that much since he’s planning on driving some home. “Actually, he would know. Gabe, this is my boyfriend, Howard.” He steps aside and pushes Chimney next to him.

(Aka: Chimney pretends to be Buck’s boyfriend to get a guy to back off. Eddie doesn't like it.)

(Rated T, 2,5K)

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PJO au where they can use phones

Rachel: Having dyslexic friends is not for the weak because they will text you the most grammatically incorrect sentence and you have to understand because they will re-read it and they think it makes sense

Nico: it can be that bad

Rachel: Percy texted me this last time i dog sat for him “Hey i think i left a food out near the laundry room in case it rains” He meant to make sure the food he left was in a dry area if it started to rain

Nico: yeah but thats Percy

Rachel: yesterday you texted me that i was grilly pop

Nico: its the last time i try new slang

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Sirius: I was telling Moony how annoying it was that an increase in dosage improved my life. Like why is my doctor always right? And he had the audacity to say it’s because i am mentally ill.

Regulus: Normally I would agree with Rem but James did the same thing. When the correct answer would be to agree with us, get us take out and cuddle us.

Sirius: Exactly, Let’s get all pretty and go out without them

Regulus: Petty. I love it

-after they are all dolled up-

James: Hey love, you look beautiful. Where are you headed?

Regulus: Out. *walks out of the house*

Remus: Hey baby

Sirius: Bye.

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You know that trope where the author is like the Small Appalachian Town Church is actually worshipping something Far More Ancient Than Christ? The implication being that Christ isn't real but this old Eldritch thing is real.

Like, who cares if some little holler town has a Real God. The Christians ran Europe for like a thousand years. I feel like your Eldritch Horror has to be scarier than the idea of the Borgias.

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@neil-gaiman you're a saint

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I love the POC bat fam au with the exception of Tim and Bruce being white.

Ex. Fam at beach

Dick: It’s nice to finally get some sun ☀️

Jason: *after throwing Damian in the water* A vacation without a case was just what i needed

Bruce: Dick, Jay did you apply sunscreen? *currently respraying Tim with sunscreen*

Jason: yeah you got us at the house

Bruce: Well get over here it’s time to reapply

Dick: you worry too much we’ll be fine

-NEXT DAY-

Bruce and Tim look like lobsters with how red they are and the other three are fine but Bruce doesn’t care that his kids share no DNA. So he has no problem using Tim and himself as an example as to why they have to re apply sunscreen every 2-3 hr. He now carries sunscreen at all times.

Cas was there and now surprises Tim and Bruce with ambush sunscreen if they forget.

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Regulus: Sometimes, I think why am I this bad at emotions and feelings. Then I remember that my parents refused to get a divorce because neither wanted to pay the filing fee.

Sirius: Lmao I forgot about that. I usually just remember that abuse but this is nice as well.

Regulus: Ugh we were all abused this provides character

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Just thinking about how Lian doesn’t look like Roy’s child right off the bat. She does how ever look like she could be Jason’s child. This causes an unfortunate situation where the staff at the daycare she attends thinks that Roy is trying to kidnap her.

(Jason does most of the pick ups and drop off since his ‘job’ are usually night time activities or things he can schedule are Lian and Roy’s schedules)

Staff: Hello, how can i help you?

Roy: Oh I am here to pick up my daughter. ( is dressed in flip flops, jeans, t-shirt with sleeves cut off and a trucker hat and looks like he hasn’t slept in days)

Staff: Oh of course, Can i see some ID and have the name of your daughter? *This man is definitely trying to kidnap a child*

Roy: Sure, Her name’s Lian Let me get my ID *starts searching his pockets*

Roy: I forgot my wallet but you can ask her. I am her dad

Staff: Unfortunately due to our policy, I can’t release her go you with out ID. The other option is for us to call her emergency contract and verify that you are her father *signals to their coworker to call jason bc someone is trying to kidnap his daughter*

Roy: I am her emergency contact. Okay call and you’ll see just am her father

Jason: *pulls up and runs out of his car* Who’s trying to take Lian?

Staff: Oh hello, Jay. That was fast I was just explaining to this gentleman that i can’t release Lian to him with out ID

Roy: How did you get here so fast? You were at brunch with you family. ( the rest of the family starts pulling into the parking lot)

Jason: Oh my God, sorry this dumbass is her father. I told you to bring your ID. I can’t believe you. *to his family* False alarm 🚨 we are good and she safe

Lian: hi, dad hey,jayjay

Staff: i am so sorry we assume that you were her father I apologize for the misunderstanding but we have to check ID for child safety. I am sure you understand

Lian: They are my dads but jayjay turns red if I call him papa so in public I call him jayjay

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Clark: This is the land of our people.

Kon: This isn’t the land of my people. This is Smallville😒😒

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Regulus: I was at the doctors to see if i could get meds for my depression. I thought it was a normal appointment went in talked got my prescription and left. Today when i look at the paperwork he gave me, motherfucker diagnosed me with major depressive disorder. Like fucker now ever one knows exactly how depressed i am. Any who, moral point id i should have lied more to just gotton seasonal.

James: Reggie no

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Reg is a super fast walker. And he will not slow down for you if you can't keep up. James can walk just as fast cause he has longer legs but sometimes prefers to skip next to him as Reg just angry super fast walks.

Remus can be a fast walker but slows for Sirius who likes to stop and look at things all the time. When the four of them are walking somewhere Sirius forces Remus to give him a piggyback.

Pete trails behind on his phone and catches them up at every red light.

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Buddie doing the “hide my bf is coming tiktok trend”

Buck: *shaking Eddie*Babe get up. Babe you have to hide my boyfriends coming home! Come on get up and hide!

Eddie: *springing out of bed and heading to the closet* Wait why is your boyfriend coming to my house? If his coming here he should hide not me?!?

Buck: Relax baby theres no other man it just a trend on tiktok But i glad to know that you wouldn’t mind being my dirty little secret

Eddie: if you ever cheat on me i will murder you after feeding you your own balls

Buck: I know and I love you 🥰🥰🥰

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Stephanie: yeah if we spend enough time hanging around each other our periods sync up

Tim: OMG will that happen to me

Cass:

Barbara:

Dick:

Damian: Your sex is male so unlikely

Jason: your coochie had bluetooth

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The black brothers would heavily relate to Dollhouse by Melanie Martínez

No explanation needed