ch4nn3l4st4tic

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

Poetry vent I did a while back.

No real TWS I don't think, correct me if I'm wrong.

I prance around, I assume I am of the rest,

Cloven hooves, soft wool, pretty little lamb eyes, fuzzy white tail, pretty little nose, a soft bleat, and maybe a bell which I do not hear.

But the way the Shepard's dog looks at me,

Maybe I have a little soft nose, a furry coat of pretty patterns, soft paws, the longest fluffy wagging tail, little perky ears, sweet eyes full of adoration, and maybe even a red handkerchief, maybe one like him, maybe I sound just as regal as his bark.

But as the Shepard comes and gazes upon me,

I can only assume I have decaying teeth, such a scraggly coat, the nastiest look, the sharpest bloody claws, maybe my tail is thin, do my bones protrude from my skin? Am I truly such a sad sight? Was I not fuzzy, or pretty?

But when the farmer comes around to look at the oddity his Shepherd has called for,

I must be rotting, my bones on full displays, viscera and meat open for the vultures with soft shiny feathers, my eyes must be glazed over and white, my tail and paws, or hooves do not matter anymore as they do not aid my escape, does the sound that come out of my mouth scare you? Am I rotting? Am I yet to be what you wanted?

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

Therapy appointments don't come fast enough.

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

I was in such bad pain last night I threw up, I literally was trying not to scream from the pain.

"It is what it is" i say as i vomit from anxiety

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

We'll all be fine one day, in death or in life.

i been pickin myself up since i was a kid i promise ima be alright.

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

I threw up due to the taste of sickeningly salty canned soup. I still sometimes want to throw up anytime I eat anything salty.

top ten humbling experiences: forcing yourself to choke down food with shaky hands while trying not to faint

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

Unpopular opinion but meanspo n shit just fucking sucks. Like yeah no binging isn't good but neither is not eating. Recovery is your own choice but can we not give more people literally killer mindsets and mental illnesses? We shouldn't have little girls or boys wondering why mommy is so worried about what the scale says, or why daddy doesn't like how he looks in the mirror. When you share this shit online and brand it like the Holy Grail™ to impressionable children, teens, and adults in downright horrific headspaces are gonna look at it and justify it somehow. I'm in no space to talk but even I wouldn't wish any of it on my worst enemy.

Stop making mental illnesses quirky, cute, or kawaii.

I hate how Ana is seen as “pure”, “clean” and “good”

Ana is literally the reason why I can’t get out of bed most days, why I faint / almost black out so much, why my hair looks thin and frizzy, why my legs cramp 24/7, why I can’t eat food without stomach pains and so much more

Also these side effects don’t only happen when you’re under weight, I am experiencing extreme side effects and I am still struggling daily with this while I am still in a healthy weight range.

No Ana will not fix your life it will ruin it. Don’t treat it like it’s a quick fix to being fat. It has the highest mortality rate of any other mental illness.

Stop using it to be “feminine”, “soft” and “kawaii” there is a good chance you will die if you don’t recover. Stop pushing it on to others. Stop showing your friends this side of tumblr. Stop telling your friends about how much you lose in a week / month. STOP SHARING ED STUFF WITH NON ED PEOPLE!!

(Not trying to get anyone to recover, this is just a reality check for the bitches that treat ana like holy water)

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

finding out making up whole detailed scenarios with fictional characters in your head is a “sign of mental illness”

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

They should invent a new kind of Being Alive where it's not painful and it doesn't hurt constantly and actually feels worth it and you're happy for more than a few hours at a time

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

I don't know, but it baffles me that people are actually happy a good chunk of their lives.

How are you supposed to just get up and go to school and go to work and come home and make dinner and fold the laundry and not want to kill yourself the whole fucking time.

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

oh!! so excited

the door opens and you're home

and i've missed you

and i've chewed up the couch in your absence

see my declaration of emotion,

i destroy

and i jump and i bark and i smother you in kisses

maybe i wasn't trained well enough to stay calm

but i love you,

oh,

don't go

without me

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

It's not hot girl summer, it's agoraphobia with severe anxiety summer. I'll be leaving the apartment minimally, only if needed by a family member. And yes most everything gives me anxiety. You're at the beach, I'm suffering.

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

God forbid I get worse and actually feel good

“why aren’t u eating anything” god forbid a girl has goals