#Croc is two and he likes to Chomp

[radioactivepeasant]

Snippets: Free Day Thursday PART TWO!

Surprise, now you get Baby Croc stuff that needs no trigger warnings! Still borrowing Star Wars "swears", still not sorry.

Part One Here:

The Slam Dozer rolled to a stop in the midst of the Strider Range. Three Wastelanders stepped out, looking around them for what should have been a missing warrior. There was nothing. No vehicle, no sign of the Wastelander who had activated their beacon.

"Eyes open," their leader grunted, "Could be a trap."

Something moved among the boulders, and the men raised their rifles instantly. In response the pale something shrieked and dropped out of sight. Long ears were still visible from the sides of the rock it had chosen as its hiding place, trembling. Then, as if gathering its courage, it raised its head above the boulder.

The men recoiled.

It looked almost like a human child, but...but not quite. A leathery hide the color of a bloodless corpse, pupils so dilated that no sclera were even visible, horns poking out of wiry gray hair. This was not a human. But it didn't look like an animal, either.

"What the kriff!"

The largest of their number raised his gun, sighting down the barrel onto the creature's forehead.

The leader grabbed the barrel and forced it down.

"Hold your fire!" he snapped.

"But sire, look! The rottin' thing's gotta be a metalhead!"

The third man wrinkled his nose incredulously. "You see any gems on that thing? Strewth, man, I think that's a bloody spirit!"

Their leader eased closer to the rocks, noting with some disquiet that the beacon they'd picked up was in the same direction.

"Who are you?" he demanded, as if the creature could understand him, "Are you friend or foe?"

To the surprise of all three, the creature responded.

In the broken SparSign of an extremely young child, it signed, "I Croc! Help Croc? Help big brother! Help! Help!"

On legs shaped more like a Leaper's than a human's, "Croc" bounded away to crouch over a crumpled form in the sand. This time, it was clearly human.

"Eeeeg. Ep!" The spirit thing made a pitiful squeal and patted the boy’s face.

"Big brothers not get up! Too tired! You help? No hurt!" Suddenly he bared sharp fangs, revealing how he'd gotten his name. "No hurt my brothers! You not Red Armor Crunchies? I eat Red Armor Crunchies."

The men wondered whether they really wanted to find out what a "red armor crunchy" was. Slowly, one hand out in a placating gesture, the leader of the band began to move closer. He kept his eyes on the spirit-child and its human "sibling", ready to halt if they made any sudden moves.

"We will not attack you if you do not attack us," he said to the creature. "Where are your people, little traveler? How have you come to this place?"

The spirit-child nestled closer to the motionless boy and uttered a distressed chittering. "I no know. Fancy bad man say us are monsters and taked us here so us would get dead. I no wanna get dead!"

"Exiles?" The big man murmured to the man with the eyepatch.

"Haven's really gone to the crocadogs," Eyepatch muttered back. "I thought their nature spirits had already abandoned them. Didn't think they were killin' em."

"It ain't a spirit, Drake. Nature spirits don't wear clothes."

"Then what is it? Sure ain't a metalhead, tell you that much."

"Enough," their leader interrupted sternly.

He continued to approach the exiles, one foot in front of the other, and pointed his staff behind him.

"There are others here. Animals. At least one is a species capable of speech -- they may shed some light on this. Drake, get the animals and give them some water. Kleiver, put the boy in the truck. He's still breathing."

The child brightened, losing all trace of his former ferocity as if a switch had been flipped off. "You help? You good guys?"

"We try to be," the man with the staff answered, a little dryly.

As he came to a stop by the bodies, he knelt. The human "big brother" was painfully thin, cheekbones sharp against a face that looked younger than anticipated. He had the same matted hair "Croc" did, as if no one took care of him at all. The refuse of Haven: it was not an uncommon condition for exiles to be found in. But most were older, and either coherent or already dead. This boy was somewhere in between.

"He an' Daxter no answerin' me!" Croc fretted. "Not Bad Guy, you wake him up, okay?"

"Damas. Not "not bad guy"," the man grunted as he took a waterskin from his belt. It was half empty, but it would have to suffice. "If I'm to call you by your name, I request that you do me the same courtesy."

"I no can curtsy, Damas man," Croc answered solemnly, "Tail too heavy."

"I said courtesy, not- nevermind." Damas lifted the human boy's head and poured water into his mouth. "Where did you learn our sign language, little traveler?"

Immediately, the child pointed to the unconscious boy.

More mysteries.

🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊

"Yrrp!"

Jak was rudely reintroduced to consciousness by the full weight of his half-brother...clone...person...slamming into his stomach. His eyes flew open as the breath was driven from him in a pained wheeze. Instinctively, he shoved the scaly child off and rolled to his side, gasping for air. The kid was no lightweight.

"Jak!" Daxter's worried voice cut in over his wheezing, "Are- are you okay?! I tried to keep the menace distracted, but he was going crazy while they took the IV out!"

The what?

Jak slowly opened his eyes and blinked until his vision cleared. They were in a room made of metal and some kind of reddish brown stone, radiating a comforting heat -- nothing like the murderous sun in the desert. Jak made a face.

"Wh- rr?" he rasped, unable to say much more until he'd swallowed several times.

"Off. You could have hurt him," a new voice interrupted, deeper and sterner. It wasn't anyone Jak knew.

Croc chirped indignantly, and then the surface Jak lay on rose slightly as if a weight had been removed. Was he on a mattress? Oh. Yes, he was on a remarkably clean mattress. And for that matter, he seemed to be remarkably clean.

That was...a little disturbing. A lot disturbing, actually. Because Jak knew he hadn't washed himself.

"Cr-oc?" he croaked, and finally rolled back onto his back.

An unnecessarily spiky man stood at the end of the bed holding Croc, bundled up in his arms like a particularly naughty puppy. Croc didn't seem to be too upset about it, which was unusual, seeing as Croc bit anyone who wasn't Jak or Daxter. Even Tess had gotten nipped once.

Jak stared at the weathered warrior at the foot of the bed, and the warrior stared back.

"If this is another mirage, I'm going back to sleep," Jak muttered in a creaking voice.

The man laughed.

It was a crackling, raspy sound, as if he were unused to it.

"If this were a mirage, I wouldn't have to make sure the young goblin here did not undo the monks' hard work to repair your ribs."

"My ribs?"*Jak’s face twisted in confusion. "Nothing was wrong with my ribs."

The stranger fixed him with a measured stare that left him feeling oddly defensive.

"Young man, you had two cracked ribs and three that had healed improperly from past breaks. Surely you noticed that kind of pain!"

The boy's blank stare was dismally telling.

"Nobody cares about cracked ribs as long as you can still fight," Jak grumbled. "I've had worse."

Daxter cringed beside Jak. "He's not wrong. Jak here's been through stuff that would give a metalhead nightmares. Don't uh, don't take it personal, y'know? Him and me, we got raised to think pain only mattered when it happened to someone else."

"Why isn't Croc biting you?" Jak interrupted. "He hates strangers."

"Because biting one's host is not an acceptable way to treat the laws of hospitality," the man answered, then bounced Croc a little higher in his arms. "Is that not so, little one?"

"I not bite the Damas man, that's rude," Croc confirmed. "But I maybe bite the stinky man a little bit."

"No, we don't bite Kleiver either," the man -- Damas? -- corrected firmly. "You don't know where he's been."

"I bite only a little bit!"

"No."

"A just a little bit!"

The man adjusted his hold on Croc, shifting him to his hip as though a half-metalhead baby was a perfectly normal thing to encounter.

"You are not biting Kleiver and that is final."

Then he turned his attention back to Jak.

"This one led me to you and your friend in the desert. I brought you to my city. In return, I expect you to be honest when I ask you some questions."

Jak pushed himself up into a sitting position and grimaced at a faint wave of dizziness. "That's it? Just answer some questions? I don't buy it."

Damas looked annoyed. His lips flattened into a thin line for a moment, and his eyes grew calculating. Then he seemed to come to a decision.

"Answer questions for now. Should you choose to remain in my city, you will be expected to prove that you will contribute to the good of the community and not sit idly while others do the lion's share of the work. It is so for all newcomers, although dispensation can be made for your age."

Jak bristled. "What about my age?"

Their rescuer -- and host, apparently -- raised an eyebrow and Jak found himself quieting unexpectedly.

"Exiles as young as the three of you are rarely found alive. Most of our laws apply to older survivors."

Daxter blinked. "Huh. Well. Nice of someone to notice for once."

Damas barely nodded. "The monks will inform me when you are considered recovered enough to be moved. In the meantime-"

He bent and set Croc down on the floor.

"Go, amuse yourself, little one. No biting."

Then he reached into an open bag sitting on the table at the foot of the bed and held up the beacon.

"Let's discuss this."

[incorrectbatfam]

May I have more gen alpha Damian but as Robin? This little boy is a menace to the rouges ... I love this idea 💖💖💖💖💖

Riddler: Riddle me this.

Damian: *starts recording on his smart watch*

Riddler: The first two letters signify a male, the first three letters signify a female, the first four letters signify a great man, while the entire word signifies a great woman. What is the word?

Damian's watch: Heroine.

———————

Joker: You see, little birdie, it all started with One Bad Day—

Damian: *plays the world's smallest violin*

———————

Freeze: With the press of a button, I will ice over the entire Gotham Harbor!

Damian: Cringe.

———————

Hatter: *posts a TikTok monologue threatening the batfam*

Damian: *stitches himself yawning and falling asleep*

———————

Croc: *roars*

Damian: *pulls out the All-Blades*

Croc: ?

Damian: My brother got the DLC.

———————

Harley: *launches her confetti cannon*

*single piece of confetti falls out*

Damian, clapping: Go girl give us nothing.

———————

Clayface: *attacks Damian*

Damian: *rips out a chunk of clay*

Damian: *starts playing with it like slime*

———————

Scarecrow: I've got you now.

Damian: Imagine being a grown man beefing with a middle schooler. Couldn't be me.

———————

Ivy: *ties him up with her plants*

Damian, a vegan: *chomp*

———————

Damian: What are your pronouns so I can eviscerate you properly?

Two-Face: ...

Two-Face: He/they.

———————

Ra's: It's just you and me, my disgraced heir. Let's finish this duel once and for all.

Damian: *taps his phone*

Jon: *flies in and pummels Ra's*

Jon: Thank you for ordering from SüberDefeats! Be sure to share your feedback.

Damian: *tips Jon and leaves five stars*

[imsparky2002]

Miraculous Animal AU - Couffaine Family Headcanons

Luka and Juleka were newborns in the same room, orphaned and tiny. Two of the farm's older attractions, a crocodile named Jagged and a parrot named Anarka, felt a bond towards the babies and took them in as their children.

Jagged is the pet croc of Fang, a wild and loveable rockstar. Whenever he and Anarka go away to be backstage at a concert, they always bring their kids along.

Anarka has a habit of talking like a pirate, since she's spent most of her life outside the farm as the parrot for a children's entertainer at birthday parties. She's not too big of a fan of the law, and often pecks and poops on the cops. A police dog named Roger (Sabrina's dad) is not amused.

Jagged has the ego of a rocker, even if he's just a pet. Whenever he sings, the animals find it beautiful, but all humans hear are hisses and growls. Even if he can be a diva, he still adores his friends and family.

Luka and Juleka love both of their parents equally, but the snake is more of a momma's boy, while the tiger is more of a daddy's girl.

The parents were the biggest cheerleaders for their kids when they found a mate, or in Luka's case, 3 mates. They know if anything happens to their babies, a pecking or chomping attack is coming for anyone who harms them.

I would love to hear your additional ideas in the reblogs and comments! @artzychic27 @msweebyness @nerd-chocolate

[chiropterx]

What does Man-Bat think of his fellow rogues?

Putting this under the cut as it got longer than expected!

It's hard to say exactly as currently Man-Bat hasn't had much experience with other villains in Gotham? Between Kirk and himself, there's only a handful he's interacted with but it's enough to formulate his own thoughts and feelings! First of all, it goes without saying his most positive relationship is with @thewomanwholaughs - Man-Bat is very fond of this Joker for she always gives him yummy treats in the form of bananas and blood, plus she makes a fuss out of him which he enjoys very much! You know how it goes, feed an animal food it likes, treat it well and soon enough it'll start seeing your presence as a positive thing. That's how it works with these two, though it's doubtful Joker would enjoy Kirk's company anywhere near as much as she enjoys the bat's! Otis Flannegan is next, and their relationship is very different from that of the Joker as Kirk met Otis first. Man-Bat stumbled across him later, when he was curled up underground where it was dark and quiet and Otis just... happened to cross his path. Later on, Man-Bat would come to instinctually recognize Otis and playfully snatch him up in his claws, an action which nearly gave poor Otis a heart attack! It wasn't a malicious action on Man-Bat's behalf, but being so big and strong where Otis is not and comparatively weighs very little, it's fortunate the Ratcatcher didn't get more than a scare from this particular incident. Man-Bat is wary of Killer Croc. Kirk may have (very) positive memories of Waylon Jones but so far they don't carry over to Man-Bat quite the same way they do with Otis? Crocodiles are big and more than that, they are predators. Perhaps it's natural instinct to want to avoid something that can chomp on you just as readily but Man-Bat prefers giving Croc a wide berth and leaving the waters to him while he keeps to the skies. When it comes to the Scarecrow, Man-Bat considers him a presence to avoid. Fear gas has a marked scent and anywhere that reeks of the stuff will be a place the bat avoids. Jonathan Crane is a different story and further interactions may change this, but so far the association with fear gas, fear and the villain's scent doesn't encourage Man-Bat. Viktor Zsasz is an interesting one. Kirk has never met them, but Man-Bat has and currently sees Viktor as another predator not unlike himself. If anything, Man-Bat probably regards as a positive factor because wherever Zsasz goes, blood is sure to follow. Man-Bat will almost certainly follow Viktor if he happens to see or detect their presence somewhere close by, regarding them as a source of food and social peer. Mary Dahl (otherwise known as Baby Doll) is a force to be reckoned with. Initially Man-Bat was fooled by her small size and appearance, thinking her an easy source of prey. Nothing could have been further from the truth when she defended herself fiercely, and not only that, Mary herself has no issue letting Kirk exactly what she thinks about him (and it's not much). Due to this, Man-Bat is more inclined to give Mary a wide berth in future or at least treat her with respect. Last but not least is Oswald Cobblepot, aka the Penguin. Lately the mob boss has shown interest in Kirk's work and is not shy about making demands of it. This has frightened Kirk very much and that negativity has crossed over to Man-Bat in a very big way. Fear is one of the most primal instincts and because of this, Man-Bat sees Oswald as a threat and will treat him accordingly. Other villains have yet to make a significant impact but otherwise Man-Bat considers them like most other people; their ambitions and goals are their own, something he has little interest in unless they get in his way.

[brigittttoo]

📓Only if you're still accepting these, friend!

yes I am! here is

JURASSIC PARK CODYWAN AU

..which has less to do with dinosaurs than the paleo au lmao. In this case jurassic park is more about the vibes of a facility that has really gone to its inhabitants, rather than its keepers, which I think would be really cool if applied to Kamino.

I'm thinking: obi-wan going to check out the receipts of this place only to land and find tipoca city in the most overgrown dilapidation it could possibly get. Here's where keeping themselves isolated from most of the rest of the galaxy has gotten the kaminoans, and now there are only a few of them left, surviving by the skin of their teeth(?) in the place where they created the very same creatures which now hunt them down. Obi-Wan probably immediately gets a Bad Feeling but investigates nevertheless, probably finding a kaminoan or two who probably tell him to get out of here but not before they say the really interesting stuff related to the "Jedi's failed army" that means he has to stay to figure out what that's about.

I don't have a real plot for this (but would probably welcome suggestions for one, because I do like this idea), but eventually Obi-Wan finds the ruling occupants of the city: the clones! however--

We can't have a proper jurassic park au without some funky genetics happening, so of course the kaminoans have taken jango's dna and then "complemented" it with all the best features of space-frogs and space-crocs and maybe some space-birds. What was the weird thing they did in jurassic world, like, frickin,, jellyfish or chameleons or cuttlefish or something? anyways, a cool bunch of extra alien dna got shoved in to make the new army As Cool As Possible but then they accidentally just made the Most Dangerous (but still Very Cool) Clones, which were initially just little guys, but then didn't like how they were being treated, probably. chomp chomp, etc.

So obviously this is just me daydreaming about Cody et al. with scales and tails and claws, etc. and why shouldn't Obi-Wan meet and befriend and then defeat some sort of galactic evil with them? Why shouldn't he also fall a little bit in love, too? Why shouldn't we think for a short time about what the clones already make us think about humanity, but in a slightly more oblique way that involves cool creature senses? Or that classic debate on what it means to be monstrous?

Anyways, I'll leave you with the image of Cody perched in the corner of the ceiling like a cross between nightcrawler xman and a real gecko. Mwah

| Put “📓” or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I’ll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven’t written but daydream about. |

[trashytummiez]

Pizza Pals

This is based off of a request from @horriblehooter to have Harley and Killer Croc eating together.  It sounds like a cute idea so I wanted to try it out. 

“And that’s another reason why I love workin’ with ya, Croc!  When I forget my baseball bat during a caper?  You just waltz in’n threaten to eat the bank manager!  Think the guy even peed himself a lil!”  Harley rambled happily at a job well done while skipping through a damp, underground living quarters.  It was dark and eerie, like a serial killers cavern.  It didn’t stop Harley from humming a chipper and off key tune.

That was because the chamber was home to one Killer Croc, who was slowly stomping heavily behind Harley with his thick, scaly arms carrying dozens of duffel bags full of cash.  The giant reptile dropped all of them onto the ground carelessly with a heavy thud then grunted contently.  He scratched at his muscular stomach from under his dirty tanktop when it grumbled loudly.  

“Should’a taken a bite outta the security guard.  I’m starvin’,” Croc growled in his deep beastly voice.

“Yeah, but guys taste yucky!  How do ya feel about pizza?”  Harley asked as if Killer Croc wanting to eat people was as normal as someone talking about the weather.

Croc shrugged.  “Pizza’s cool, I guess.”

“Yaaay!  Pizza Party!!”  Harley cheered which made Croc roll his eyes.

There wasn’t any good reception in Killer Croc’s lair, so the two decided to go order their food in-person.  Croc’s presence alone was enough to ensure the speediest service money could buy.  And money did actually buy the three dozen pizzas hastily cooked at Luigi’s Oven.  After all, it was Harley’s favorite pizza joint in all of Gotham City.  She couldn’t stand the idea of leaving such great chefs high and dry.  Not if she wanted to keep being a frequent customer.  Thankfully, they had quite a bit of spare change to satisfy Luigi and his crew, even if she had to remind Croc not to eat anyone while they were there.

They eventually returned to Croc’s lair and once again, Croc was left carrying every single pizza himself.  Some may have gotten a little messed up during the trip back, but he didn’t mind.  The reptile had an old couch in the middle of his compound which creaked under his enormously heavy frame.  Harley just plopped her butt happily onto the couch next to her huge friend and practically started drooling when she saw so many pizza boxes just staring her in the face.

“Ooooohhhh so much Luigi’s, so little time...” Harley said like she was in a trance.  

Killer Croc also licked his rows and rows of sharp fangs hungrily.  Then he tore a box open and grabbed the entire extra large pizza.  He folded the thing in half like a massive sandwich and shoved the whole thing right into his jaws.  Harley whistled when she watched Croc sloppily chew on an entire pizza and giggled when his scaly cheeks bulged a little.  Then, the reptile gulped heartily and sent that pizza rippling through his gullet.  Croc smacked his chops contently and grabbed another pizza.

Harley was no slouch either.  She cracked open her first box and greedily chomped into that extra cheesy, slightly messy slice of pizza with glee.  She always loved that first warm, gooey bite of Luigi’s pizza.  And even in a damp, underground cavern, today was no exception.  Once that bite slid down her throat, she got to work scarfing the rest of it down and got to work chomping away on more slices.

Croc looked down to see his friend stuffing her face more than any human he’d ever known and grinned.  It was just one of many reasons why he always enjoyed Harley Quinn’s company in ways few villains did.  It helped that she wasn’t getting grossed out by seeing Croc wolf down entire pizzas all at once, just like he was in the middle of doing.  Guess it was to be expected, she’d seen Killer Croc ravage a lot worse than pizza when on jobs together.  When Croc swallowed that second pizza, his neck expanded when that incredibly thick glob of food big enough to satisfy a dozen people pushed down his throat and into his stomach with a slick ripple.  Croc sighed and rubbed his stomach contently.  Because he was so abnormally big, two entire pizzas barely put a dent on his gut.

But by the time Harley was done with her first pizza, her own stomach was looking a little bloated.  She always wore a crop top under her leather costume, and that always showcased the extent her gorging impacted her constantly exposed midsection.  With so many pizzas around her at once, she got a little overwhelmed and eagerly started tearing through her next Italian Pie.  Harley was wolfing down one slice after another, taking impossibly big bites and swallowing sizable mouthfuls of pizza that her slender throat bobbed visibly with each gulp she took.

It was nothing compared to Killer Croc literally downing one entire pizza after another.  He already had a little stack of empty pizza boxes forming near his side of the couch.  And because he ate so many pizzas so quickly, it was starting to have an impact.  Those rock hard scaly abs Killer Croc had were softening into a bit of a scaly beer belly the more Croc stuffed himself.  He was eating so much that his scaly stomach was becoming visible from underneath his tanktop.  But because Croc was a carnivorous reptile, he kept going without slowing down at all.  

Harley kept eating too, even as her own belly grew larger and larger with every slice she horked down.  She was getting so full that her belly was starting to gurgle loud enough that Croc could hear it.  After swallowing another whole pizza, he slurped heavily and looked down at the bloated, petite young woman.  “Gettin’ full there, Quinn?”

Her cheeks were bulging with pizza.  She held up a finger and swallowed heavily, working a big mouthful down her slender throat and past her perky chest.  She leaned back against the couch and rubbed her bulging stomach as it grumbled deeply.  “Ungh, naw, just feels like I need to BUUUUUUUURRRRPPP!!!!”

Harley sat up suddenly when a large burp erupted from her unexpectedly.  Not only that, but she literally burped out the word ‘burp’ itself.

Croc laughed.  “Nice.”

Harley sighed with relief and pat her stomach before giggling.  “Thanks!  I can burp the alphabet too, if ya wanna see.”  She sat up with concentration and subtly gulped down some air, which made her throat bob until she opened her mouth to push the air back up.  “...AYY...b-BEEE......CEEEEE-URRRPP!!  Gah...”

Croc laughed again when Harley burped out the first three letters.  It was a gross but impressive stunt.  Harley huffed then said, “What comes after C again?”

“D fer dumbass,” Croc replied.

Harley pouted then punched Croc’s arm, not wanting to admit it hurt her a lot more than it did him.  “Jerk!  I’ll have ya know I have a Ph-DEEEEEE!!!!”

At that unexpected belch, Croc laughed even harder while Harley smacked her lips and giggled herself.  

She totally meant to do that.

The two continued stuffing their faces with pizza, steadily getting more and more bloated with every slice, or in Killer Croc’s case, every pizza pie.  Harley ate an impressive amount of pizza in such a short outing, but her little pot belly wasn’t so little after a while.  Even Croc’s own belly was getting so big that his shirt couldn’t even cover his scaly stomach anymore, now riding up around his belly button.  And if Harley’s stomach was getting noisy, then Croc’s bloated gut was twice as loud the way it intensely churned and bubbled from so much greasy pizza eaten all at once.  Like Harley, Killer Croc occasionally burped to ease some of the pressure in his gut; his being much louder than Harley’s, but with how much he was eating, it wasn’t doing a lot of good quieting his stomach down.

By the time they were done, both Harley and Croc were lazily slumped back against the couch, sporting enormously round bellies.  Harley looked as if she were almost pregnant with how utterly full of pizza she was.  And Killer Croc looked as if he had swallowed a giant medicine ball.  Their bellies gurgled and churned intensely, Croc’s stomach far more so than Harley’s.

“Unnngh, m’so full...” Harley groaned wearily while she rubbed her achingly bloated belly all over.

Killer Croc let out a huge burp that echoed all throughout the underground then sighed as he patted his belly.  “Guh, yer tellin’ me.  I ain’t been this full since that job we did at Falcone’s construction site.”

Harley couldn’t help but let out a massive, incredibly unladylike burp of her own that didn’t come close to Croc’s, but would’ve easily won any contests against normal humans.  She sighed with relief and patted her own round belly then hiccuped when the contents in her stomach sloshed from the pat.  “Oooh, needed that,” Harley moaned then grinned lazily back at Croc with a nod.  “I remember that one.  Ya ate the foreman, didn’tcha?”

Croc belched deeply again and nodded.  “Yup.  He was a fat one too.  Butterball took forever to digest properly.”

“Well, yer a growin’ lizard, ya need the calories!”

Killer Croc gave Harley a bored look then rolled his reptilian eyes.  “Least ya ain’t callin’ me a gator.”

He reached down and fumbled with his belt, but it was a little hard with his enormously round belly getting in the way.  But he eventually managed it and unbuckled the belt to his old pants.  As soon as he did, his engorged stomach expanded even more which made Croc slump back and moan heavily.  

“OoooooooOOOOooooh man, that’s better...” Killer Croc moaned in a near-daze.

“Smart thinkin’!”  Harley said, fumbling with her own leather pants.  She leaned back while her big belly stuck out even more, like a child fumbling to tie their shoelaces.  It was actually funny to watch her struggle, making Killer Croc snicker a little childishly at her efforts.  He was about to offer to help after a while, but she just barely managed to pull it off.

Like Croc, the second her belt and pants button were undone, her immensely bloated stomach expanded to fill the space, unzipping her pants in the process.  Harley went cross-eyed and groaned blissfully when she spilled into the couch with dazed relief.

“Holy crap, that’s like Christmas and Hanukkah got busy’n had a Holiday Baby...”

Both villains eased with relief, weighed down by their bloated guts.  And in unison, both Harley Quinn and Killer Croc threw their heads back and let out a pair of giant burps at the exact same time, with Croc’s easily dwarfing Harley’s and carrying on for even longer after hers ended.  Then they sighed heartily.

“Oooohhh Mama Mia...if Red could see me now...” Harley moaned, slowly running her hands up and down her rounded belly.  Croc raised a scaly brow and turned to his friend intrigued while massaging his own bloated belly lazily.  Harley giggled wearily and explained.  “She loves seein’ me get all super duper stuffed’n burpy, feeds me a bunch all the time.  I don’t mind though.  I love food and I love all the attention she gives my tummy.”

Croc snorted.  “Kinky weirdos.”

“Hey!  No kinkshamin’, ya big fat jerk!”  Harley replied, punching Croc right in his belly, which, yet again, hurt like hell, since he ate so much that it felt like punching solid rock.  But it was hard enough to make Croc burp loudly again in response.  

Croc smacked his lips afterwards and shrugged.  “So, how’re things goin’ fer you’n Ivy anyway?”

“They’ve been good!  She’s always been a buncha fun t’hang out with, she’s got great taste in TV shows and she’s just so honest.  Not like Mister Jay at all.  What’cha see with Red is what’cha get,” Harley explained with a fondness in her voice.

Killer Croc grinned when he saw how content she seemed to be with her new girlfriend.  He may have been a carnivorous reptilian monster, but when it came to his friends, he always wanted whatever was best for them; whatever made them genuinely happy.

Harley perked up and nudged Croc.  “Ooh!  How’ve things with blubber butt been goin’?”

Croc’s smile dropped instantly.  “A; only I get to call her that.  And B; they’re...they’re alright.”  The giant scaly monster looked away almost timidly as he scratched his bulging gut.  “Ain’t used to havin’ a girlfriend, but...she gets me.”

Harley beamed and hugged Croc’s arm.  “Eeeeeey!  That means we get to double date sometime!!”

Croc snorted.  “Quinn, between you, me’n Orca, if we ever went to a restaurant, someone might literally die tryin’ to make all that food.”

“Maybe he was a jerk!  And that way, you can eat him after fer dessert!”

Croc laughed and licked his lips.  “I knew there was a reason we were friends...”

[quickspinner]

Man’s Best Fang

This wasn’t what I intended to be working on last night, but then @verfound had to go and do this and here we are.

He should have know it wouldn’t be that simple. He should have known, because it was Jagged, and despite being an international rock star, a pioneer in his field, and, apparently, Luka’s biological father, when it came to getting his way, Jagged Stone was twelve fucking years old and absolutely not above glossing over some things if it meant he got what he wanted. And apparently what he wanted today was Luka and Fang out of the hotel suite.

Take Fang for a walk, mate. Nah, it’ll be fine, he loves you! Penny ordered some macarons for ‘im for afterward, so take your time, wink wink.

Jagged rambled something about inspiration but Luka was pretty sure he was getting kicked out so that Jagged could make out with Penny, which was gross on so many levels, especially now that he knew Jagged was his dad and had apparently once done things like that with Luka’s mother and— 

That train of thought had led to Luka giving in so that he could flee the scene of those very uncomfortable thoughts, but of course walking Fang wasn’t as simple as Jagged made it out to be. Of course.

And now Luka was stuck wrestling an 800 pound crocodile in the lobby of Paris’ fanciest hotel, all because Fang decided to throw a hissy fit (Luka had recently learned that crocodiles could, in fact, hiss) during his morning walk because the carpet had snagged one of his claws, and Fang, it turned out, was kind of a wuss.

Luka was far from a weakling to begin with, growing up working on the boat, which always needed repair in some tight and uncomfortable corner. After months of tagging around as a roadie and occasional backup guitarist to bond with his wanna-be father, lifting sound equipment and setting up stages and wedging himself into improbable positions to hook up sound equipment, he was probably in the best shape he’d ever been. So he was almost, sort of, holding his own against the thrashing crocodile, pressing his weight down on Fang and trying to get the dumb beast to hold still, damnit. He managed to get astride Fang’s neck and get a hand on either side of his massive jaws to hold them shut all while trying to reassure the hotel patrons that the situation was under control. 

“Now, you big baby,” he growled, lifting Fang’s muzzle up and back to keep him from thrashing. “Hold—” He glanced up at the small crowd that had gathered—and promptly forgot about them as his gaze locked on the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. She blinked big blue eyes with long lashes and her cheeks pinked and he suddenly felt like Fang had kicked him in the gut. “Still,” he finished breathlessly.

Unfortunately, Fang sensed his distraction, jerked his muzzle free, and with a wild thrash and half-spin that required more energy than Luka had ever seen the lethargic creature use, he threw Luka off. 

The crowd scattered out of his way as he tumbled across the floor towards them, except for the blue-eyed girl in the pink dress, who didn’t move. Luka rolled to a stop at her feet on his back, and for a moment they stared at each other

“Hi,” Luka panted, and a giddy grin spread over his face. 

“Are you all right?” she asked anxiously, crouching down beside him and brushing his shaggy bangs out of his eyes. It shouldn’t have been possible for his heart to beat any harder considering he’d just been wrestling a crocodile four or five times his size, but it sure did its best as she stared into his eyes. It took longer than it should have to register that she was checking him for a concussion.

“Yeah,” he gasped. “Yeah, I’m good.” 

She frowned and held up her index finger. “Follow my finger.”

“I’ll follow you anywhere,” he said, eyes tracking that delicate finger automatically. She blushed and lowered her hand to her lap, where it curled automatically around the pink bakery box in her lap.

Luka blinked. “Wait, are those macarons?” 

“Um, yes?” Blue eyes blinked back at him. “I’m supposed to be delivering them to Jagged Stone.” 

“Oh, thank fuck,” Luka groaned, rolling over. “I work for him. Sort of. Can I have one of those please?” He got to his feet and pulled off his hoodie, tossing it to one side. It was one of the only articles of clothing he owned that wasn’t ripped and he wanted to keep it that way. Those big eyes got even bigger, roving over his shoulders and arms for a moment before she fumbled the box open and offered him a cookie.

He grinned, holding up the macaron between them. “Thanks, uh—” 

“Oh,” her eyes widened again. “I’m, uh, m-my name’s Ma-Ma-Marinette.” 

“Hello Ma-Ma-Marinette,” he chuckled, thoroughly charmed, “I’m Luka, and I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”

A small hand caught his arm as he turned away and he looked back in surprise. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?” she asked him anxiously, looking between him and Fang with concern. Marinette didn’t look frightened of the crocodile, but she looked up at him with a worried expression that had Luka ready to melt into a puddle at her feet. She was too sweet. 

“Don’t worry,” he reassured her. “He looks scary, but he’s basically a big baby throwing a temper tantrum. I’ll be fine.” He winked at her and faced Fang with renewed purpose. 

“Fang,” he called, waving the macaron in the crocodile’s field of vision. “Hey, boy, fancy a snack? Who’s a good croc? Fangy want a treat?”

Fang’s massive head followed him, and the crocodile’s jaws gaped wide. 

“That’s it, Fang,” Luka coaxed. “You want the treat? Let’s have a trick. Down, Fang.” 

The crocodile flopped on his belly obediently. “Good boy, Fang!” Luka praised. “Now, stay...just hold still a bit…”

Fang’s head turned as Luka held out the macaron at arm’s length, trying to reach Fang’s caught claw while keeping his attention on the macaron. 

It didn’t work; Fang lunged for the treat, forcing Luka to jump back, and pulled hard on his trapped and probably now sore paw. Fang chomped the cookie, which Luka had dropped in his surprise, and then made what should have been an angry bellow but was really more like a big whine as he began to thrash. Luka spared a moment of grudging admiration for whoever had made this damn carpet. Fang’s claws were filed religiously so he wouldn’t be slicing through it anytime soon, but you’d think he’d have managed to break free by now.

But then again, he was kind of an overgrown pampered poodle instead of the apex predator he should have been.

“Aw, c’mon, you big baby!” Luka groaned, throwing his weight back on the grumpy animal to stop his thrashing before he hurt himself. “Would you just hold fucking still for two seconds—” There was a flash of pink at the corner of his eye and he looked quickly to find Marinette at his elbow. She shoved another macaron into his hand, and Luka quickly leaned over Fang to wave it in front of the croc’s face. “Hey Fang, you want another?” he called, and the massive head swung away from his caught claw in pursuit of the macaron. That was great, for the moment, but Luka couldn’t figure out any way to tempt Fang with the macaron and get his claw loose at the same time. 

Suddenly there was a weight against his leg, and Luka looked back in surprise just in time to see the girl of his dreams grab Fang’s foreleg and force it down until there was some small amount of slack in the loose threads that had trapped him. Then she reached over with her other hand and did something Luka couldn’t see.

Just like that, Fang was free, and Luka, bent over nearly in half and hanging off the side of a crocodile, lost his heart completely. The love of his life sat up and her unfairly perfect lips curved in a triumphant smile as she brushed blue-black bangs out of her eyes. He stared as she tucked the seam ripper that had been in her hand back in her purse, and cooly tossed Fang another cookie. 

He entertained a brief fantasy of grabbing her gorgeous face and kissing her stupid right then and there, but it seemed a Jagged kind of thing to do, which meant it was probably a bad idea. Instead he slithered off of Fang’s back and sat next to her on the carpet. 

“So, uh,” he said, still rather winded but giving her the most charming grin he could muster under the circumstances. “Thanks for the assist.” 

She giggled. “My pleasure.” 

“Well, Ma-Ma-Marinette,” Luka said, turning slightly so his back was resting against the now-docile crocodile and drawing up one knee to prop his arm across it. “Will you marry me?” 

She burst into bright laughter that touched his musical soul, and he longed for his guitar. “Too soon, huh?” Luka sighed dramatically. “How about dinner, then? I promise I’ll leave Fang at home. Whoa!” He nearly fell backwards as Fang abruptly moved away from him, swinging around to nose the box of treats and then—and then the fucker turned and put his head in Marinette’s lap, blinking up at her ever so innocently.

Marinette giggled and reached for the box, plucking out a macaron and droppinging it into Fang’s mouth. She patted the crocodile’s head as he munched happily. “Aw, you’re just a puppy dog with scales, aren’t you?” she cooed, and Luka had never in his life believed he would be jealous of a fucking lizard, but here he was. Then Marinette looked up at Luka and smiled and blushed and he was ready to kiss Fang himself for giving him the chance to meet her. “Um, dinner sounds good,” Marinette said shyly, shoulders hunching slightly. “What did you have in mind?”  

Luka could only hope the grin that was spreading across his face wasn’t as dopey as it felt.

Luka drifted back into Jagged’s suite wearing that same dopey grin and a dreamy look in his eyes, Fang waddling along contentedly at his side. 

Penny frowned as he wandered past her. “Luka, everything okay?”

“Fantastic,” Luka replied, grin widening. “Can’t talk right now, Penny, I need my guitar.” 

He went into his room, Fang still waddling along with him. A few minutes later the sound of Luka’s guitar drifted through the suite. 

His door was still open, so Penny peaked in to see Luka on the floor, leaning back against Fang, strumming as he stared into nothing with that dreamy look on his face. Fang’s tail thumped lightly in time with the melody. 

Penny turned and whisper-yelled for Jagged. She waved him over. “Do you think he’s okay?” she asked, nodding toward Luka’s room.

Jagged listened for a minute, and then began to cackle. “Aw, leave him be, Penny,” he chortled, clapping a hand on her shoulder. “Boy’s got it bad. Let him work it out for a bit and then we’ll find out who the little lady is.” Jagged rubbed his hands gleefully. “It’s about time he found a muse. I told you Fang was a chick magnet. He was good before, he’s gonna be brilliant now. Every great musician needs inspiration, right love?” He chucked Penny under the chin and she blushed. 

[schweeeppess]

all the time

---

Stressed was a good word for how Dick was feeling. So was defeated; exhausted and drained were good ones too.

His ankle was in a brace since he’d nearly broken it the night before dealing with a team up between Bane, Croc, and Zsasz, his torso was taped to help with cracked ribs, and his wrist was wrapped up since a cut he’d gotten had turned out to be a laceration that needed stitches.

It pained him to say he wasn’t the worst off.

Killer Croc had gotten his teeth into Jason’s left shoulder, biting deep before anyone could get him off, Bane had broken Jason’s elbow, he had a concussion, and his leg was broken in two places. Which wasn’t to mention the stitches he’d needed for a laceration in his cheek and the cracked jaw Jason’d sustained thanks to Croc’s tail.

Now that he thought back on it, Dick had no idea how he and Jason had managed alone for so long.

Tim had shown up with his friends Conner and Bart, and their powers helped tip the odds in their favor, letting Jason and Dick retreat to get some medical attention. Bruce was upset about Superboy and Impulse’s presences in Gotham, but he’d tolerated it since they had essentially saved his sons lives.

Barely in time.

Normally Jason wouldn’t be unconscious by now—he’d probably have woken up about an hour or so ago, actually. The only reason he was still unconscious was that he was on meds so strong they’d knock out an elephant.

At this point, Dick had been sitting with Jason for about… Five hours, give or take, and he’d fallen asleep three times.

Bruce had tried to get him to at least lay in the bed with Jason, but he wouldn’t budge. Jason liked his personal space. Jason’s comfort came first. Dick could sacrifice a few aches for his little brother.

He was just waiting for him to wake up and prove he was going to be okay as he stewed in a bit of self-loathing.

Jason shouldn’t have gotten this hurt, the wind entering from the open bedroom window hissed. This is your fault.

Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, Dick made a small noise and buried his face in his hands.

All your fault, Gotham whispered in his ears. All your fault.

Like he sensed Dick’s rapid decline and was ready to go a few rounds with Dick’s subconscious, Jason groaned, eyes fluttering open to squint at the window with sunlight streaming through it.

Dick’s head snapped up at the sound and he stared in stunned silence at Jason’s newfound awareness.

Knowing someone is going to be okay and witnessing it are two very, very different things, and offer two very, very different emotions.

The window was to Jason’s left. Dick was sitting to Jason’s right.

Meaning Jason hadn’t noticed him yet, and Dick could leave the way the air compelled him to.

But, since his body was locked in place, stuck from the shock of Jason’s consciousness, he couldn’t move. He could just stare, heart stuttering.

Jason turned his head and squinted to see Dick.

Escape aborted.

“Hey, Jason,” Dick greeted with a strained smile that he prayed looked genuine.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Jason rasped, “My leg hurts ‘n’ my shoulder’s sore.”

Dick huffed a laugh, the smile becoming more genuine as he held out a glass of water with a hot pink bendy straw in it for Jason. “Yeah, I hear that’s what happens when a cannibalistic human crocodile takes a chomp at your shoulder.”

He paused.

“Can it be called cannibalism if he’s not technically a human? Isn’t he some weird mix of a human and a crocodile? There should be a word for it. We need to update the dictionary.”

Jason was sitting up to drink and he snorted at Dick’s decision.

“You’d need to add more than just one word if you’re gonna update the dictionary. Gotham’s bullshit can make an entire dictionary by itself,” he commented after taking a sip of the water.

“True. When should we start making it?”

Jason shook his head as Dick chuckled.

It went quiet and Dick’s smile slipped as he realized that he could leave; he should leave. Him being there wasn’t helpful, not at all. Maybe he could go get Alfred or Bruce—they’d know how to help. They’d do a better job of it.

Dick never really was a good brother, was he?

“I’m gonna go get Alfred.”

Pained, Dick stood to walk out, reaching out to ruffle Jason’s hair a little before he left.

Jason’s brow furrowed as Dick turned to leave and when he spoke Dick tripped at the quiet, vulnerable tone to his voice.

“You’re leaving?”

Dick hesitated, pausing and turning to face Jason. “Yeah, Jay. I’m getting Alfred.”

“Are you coming back?”

“I…” He couldn’t lie. He couldn’t, not with Jason giving him that look. “I don’t know, Little Wing.”

Maybe lying would have been kinder.

Dick managed to see Jason’s watering eyes before his little brother shut them and turned his head to face the roof.

“I’m all alone,” Jason said, voice trembling, “all the time.”

Hand on the doorknob, Dick froze, eyes wide as he stared at Jason.

And his little brother wasn’t done, apparently.

“I don’t want to be alone anymore,” he whispered. “Please don’t go, Dick, please.”

The words sent Dick back to a time when he and Bruce were at odds and the new kid was wearing his colors. They sent him to a day when he’d just finished a shouting match with Bruce, both parties in the argument unaware of their audience of a boy who’d witnessed too many fights, and he’d been just about to walk out the door, hand on the knob, when a small hand grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and gasped out a quick, “Wait!”

Dick remembered pausing and scowling down at Jason’s hand, which was quickly removed when he was sure he had his brother’s attention.

“What?” Dick remembered hissing, all his anger with Bruce shortening his temper and patience smaller than an ant’s head.

“Ya can’t jus’ go n’leave things like that,” Jason had tried to convince, earnestness and fear making his voice strain.

His response had been a scoff, hand tightening around the doorknob, and a sharp, “Watch me.”

Jason’s cry of, “Please!” had Dick hesitate, but only for a second before he was out of the Manor.

That moment was one of Dick’s strongest memories. He hated the way it made him feel, hated his past self for the way he’d treated Jason, hated that he hadn’t tried. 

Jason wasn’t going to ask again, this time. Dick could feel it.

Each inhale felt like someone was injecting his heart with lead, weighing it down, and Dick could only stare at his broken brother and see a younger child in his place.

Dick’s hand dropped away from the door.

He was back beside Jason’s bed in seconds, slipping his hand into one of Jason’s and holding it tight.

“I’m right here Little Wing,” he said, giving Jason’s hand a little squeeze. “I won’t leave.”

Not again.

--

a gift for @onipilot who always blesses me, so this is me returning the favor cheby. ily glucose guardian :)

[sciencenewsforstudents]

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — A powerful bite, strong teeth and repeated crunching. This is what allowed Tyrannosaurus rex to pulverize the bones of its prey. That’s the conclusion of a new analysis of the giant predator’s chomp.

Bones have an inner cavity containing marrow and other nutrients. To access those goodies, some animals crunch through the dense outer protective layer of bone. Most do so by clamping their jaws together to crush the bone. Some meat-eating mammals, like spotted hyenas and gray wolves, can do this. But bone-crushing is unknown among living reptiles. Their upper and lower teeth simply don’t fit together in a way that allows them to clamp. Instead, most modern reptilian predators swallow bones whole to get at the nutrients.

Fossil evidence suggests tyrannosaurs, including T. rex, somehow pulverized the bones of their prey. But their teeth didn’t fit together like mammals’ do. So how did they crush those bones?

Paul Gignac and Gregory Erickson teamed up to figure this out. Gignac studies body structure as an anatomist at Oklahoma State University in Tulsa. And Erickson is a vertebrate paleontologist at Florida State University in Tallahassee. That means he specializes in fossils of animals with backbones.

Together, the two looked at fossils of the teeth from T. rex and at this dino’s prey. The duo also measured the bite strength of living dino relatives. For that, they studied birds — the only living dinosaurs. They also studied crocodiles, which are dinosaurs’ closest living relatives. From these, the researchers estimated the chomping force of a T. rex bite. They also predicted how much pressure the dinos’ teeth could exert at their tips.

My what big choppers. This closeup shows the bite of Sue, a T. rex skeleton on display at Chicago’s Field Museum.

CREDIT: Jill Sakai

A single bite could deliver a force up to 34,000 newtons, they now estimate. (A newton is a measure of force.) That’s more than twice the bite strength of a croc, the strongest living chomper. They also showed that the dinos’ teeth could exert intense pressure at their tips. That pressure could reach up to 3 billion pascals, the scientists estimate. (A pascal measures pressure, or the amount of force applied on an area.)

T. rex could crush bones thanks to that bite strength and the shape of its teeth, the scientists say. The massive pressure from those teeth helped create cracks that weakened bones. T. rex would also chomp over and over in the same spot to break bones.

These advantages may have helped the predator get the most out of its prey. Gignac and Erickson described their findings on October 20 here, in New Mexico, at the annual meeting of the Society for Vertebrate Paleontology.

[cryptocoinguides]

DISNEY Metaverse is ROLLING OUT!!!

Welcome to bitboy crypto, my name is ben. It’S my mission to empower you to find financial freedom through crypto assets. If that sounds good, make sure to go ahead and hit that subscribe button, don’t forget to hit that bell for notifications all right guys. Let’S check this out disney did something insane you’ve got to hear about. We’Ve got what may be the greatest company to ever jump into crypto nfts now jumping into crypto.

Ft’S can’t wait to show you about that story. Uh. Okay, let’s start off by looking at the markets. Here we got bitcoin coming in at uh. You know 43 000 down a shade.



It was up a shade earlier, a theory mid 3300 finance coin, still under five five hundred dollars. Nothing really that sexy going on cardona had a little bit of a pump today to a dollar thirty, four and luna up six percent. So look at the biggest gainers of the day. Luna is your top gainer of the day with a six percent gain card under number two, with four point: eight percent, then we got unit swap pancake, swap engine um, xrd gala, making a little bit of a comeback, any comey all right. Taking a quick look at uh bitcoin here, you guys can see that uh bitcoin is still just pretty boring.

I wish i had something to tell you guys other than that um, but we’re really just in the middle of this channel. We don’t remember this uh. You know falling wedge here, don’t know if we’re gon na go up we’re going to go down from here. We got to break out of this range um. You know, but you know we’re right now, just in this little downtrend here you know we’re making lower highs.

So we’ll have to see what happens. We could be breaking down at the bottom of this channel, but let’s talk about what is exciting. Let’S talk about. What’S going on in crypto number one i mean before we get into this disney thing, which is insane. I just want to cover this story.

I mean this. This is nuts right here. Crocs, that’s right, crocs is jumping into the nft market or i’m sorry, they’re chomping into nfts trademark filing shows. So you have adidas. You’Ve got nike getting involved, but what better project, or what better shoe company out there to get involved in that tees than crocs, because that’s what you’re wearing in the basement, when your mom yells come up and get your sandwich.

So what salute you croc wears? I actually wear crocs myself, um, i’m wearing cowboy boots right now, though, tell you what uh, okay, uh we’ve got this story here, um that is talking about web3 and a lot of people are, you know, for whatever reason really bearish on web? Three is a buzzword, um they’re talking, you know how you know: it’s got similarities to scams and different stuff. It’S astonishing. It’S like people who call the internet a scam or bitcoin scam um, but i think what to keep in mind is that we accept everything that is traditional as uh.

You know i’m trying to think of the right word here is upfront right like when you were younger and you heard about the stock market. You probably didn’t know there was all this manipulation when we’re born into the world and the culture most people just accept. What’S already their status quo, if i were to lay out the plan for how to create a profitable bank before banks existed, you would have said that was the most gigantic scam of all time, except for maybe fiat currency that in itself, um is also a giant Scam, it’s all in how we use these things, and so web 3 is going to be something we’re going to be talking a lot more about going forward. Definitely not a scam don’t buy into what a lot of the haters are saying right now. Um metaverse, also something that a lot of people are really bullish on disney.

Second life and k-pop um all making noise here uh a k-pop concert, maybe going on in some. You know metaverse uh, second life they’re, calling the second life’s creator of the new steve jobs, uh he’s coming back to the company and his advisor as they move towards blockchain and metaverse, which is really interesting. But the big story of the day here is disney. They’Ve. Actually taken a patent here for a virtual world simulator in a real world venue now?

What does this mean? Well i’ll, tell you what i understand what i’ve taken from this it’s kind of like this. Imagine it is your daughter’s eighth birthday, okay and you wan na take her to disney world for her birthday. She can have a special set of glasses that she would put on and everywhere she went around disney. There would be things that say happy birthday to whatever your daughter’s name is.

Let’S just call her. I don’t know jessica. Do people still name their kid jessica? I don’t know if they do or not. Let’S just call her jessica, happy birthday jessica on on the castle.

Happy birthday, jessica, uh in the middle of it’s a small world right, so what this is is combining virtual with real. Some would call this augmented reality um, but you know this is very interesting. Disney is going to be a big matter. Uh winner, in the matter verse, i called it a metaverse, better um. So let’s see what happens with it, but disney mate is making big waves and uh.

This is coming to um the u.s, china, france and or japan. So watch out. For that all right guys, that’s all got me blessed. Bye,

via DISNEY Metaverse is ROLLING OUT!!!

[jolienjoyswriting]

More Than Friends, Ch. IV

The final chapter of "More Than Friends," an "Andelina's world" fan fiction story.

I don't guess I have anything to say that I haven't, already.  Well, other than I think Joseph and (my fan-canon take on) Andelina work, together.  But then… it seems like he ends up with a lot of cute girls as friends…  No wonder Carlos and Holly from my Essence of Ragnarok series hate(d) him. Carlos eventually came around, though.  One "Carlos" much more than the other~  ;)

Word count: 4,380 – Character count: 24,225 Originally written: July 2nd, 2020

After much wussing-out, Joseph finally shows Andelina the kind of man that he truly is.

Andelina and related characters and concepts created by © Sony-Shock

[ ↶ Prev. Story | ← Prev. Chapter | Next Chapter → | Next Story ↷ ]

    If there was one thing I’d learned about Andelina in the two weeks I’d known her, it was that she liked to dive deep and stay under for as long as possible.  Either that, or there was something shiny down there distracting her.  Either way, I knew that with her underwater, it was my best chance to enter without being seen.  So, after discarding my folded pants, I carefully slipped out of my underwear, folded them up, and set them with the pants and her dress.     “She really shouldn’t have chucked these, like that…”     And, that’s when my obsessive-compulsiveness decided to kick in.

    I walked over to where Andelina had callously tossed her panties and picked them up.  My face warmed as I curiously looked them over…  D-don’t judge.  I didn’t sniff them, at least!     “She could use a new pair,” I commented as I noticed some frays and small holes, here-and-there.  “But… that’s none of my business.”     I quickly folded them and walked back over to the bundle of clothes we’d made.  It was then that I heard something which made me freeze…     “Cute butt!”     Andelina had resurfaced without a sound and, judging by her playful comment… was staring that my backside.     “Uuuhhm…”     I didn’t know what to say.

    “Plenty choco spots on back!” she suddenly noticed.  “Come down to white heart-shape on butt!”     I instinctively tensed.  She’d noticed the way my belly-fur curled between my thighs and, as noted, made a small “heart” shape on my rump…     “Well?” she called, suddenly changing gears.  “Ditch pants, bad boy!  Come swim!”     Pants…? I thought.  But, I’m not holding any–     It dawned on me, then.  She could see her folded undergarments in my left hand… which was hanging at my hip.  Oops…

    I looked over my shoulder as I heard another splash.  Andelina had dived under, again, leaving me alone.  Well… at least she knew I was on my way.  Still… “bad boy?”  She didn’t think I’d done anything… naughty… with her undies…  Or, did she?!     “Andelina, I–” was what I began to say.  “Er… oh, right.  She’s… underwater.”     I scratched my head and… paused as I noticed something soft touching me.  Then…     “Wrong haaand…!”     I quickly moved the panties away from the side of my head before finally placing them with her dress.  Geez, that girl was so distracting…

    “Alright…” I said as I walked back to the shore.  “Andelina’s expecting me, so–”     “Croc attack!!”     “Uwaaah…!!”     Before I could finish my thought, Andelina leaped out of the water, chomped on my ankle, and dragged me deep into the pond with surprising ease!  Guess she wasn’t kidding about being strong…

    I gasped for air, panting and coughing as she let me surface.  What was she thinking, pulling me into that cold depths so suddenly…?!  As I treaded water and shivered, I saw her slowly circling me like a feral shark eyeing up its prey…     “Cold, now, but get used to, fast!” she helpfully told me.  “Swim!  Swim!”     “I–”     Once again, my thoughts came to a sudden halt.  Andelina had gone right back under.  Unsure of what else to do… I decided to follow.

    Ugh, man…  I’m not sure what was in that aerated water that made it so cloudy, but it was kind’a hard to see much of anything.  I was used to that, though.  Like I said, it wasn’t the first time Lina and I had been swimming.  And actually… the water being so cloudy kind of helped with the situation I’d found myself in.     See, I noticed her swimming around me, underwater.  She liked to do that, for some reason.  What I couldn’t see, however, were the finer details of her body… not that I could have even if the pond were clear.  All I could make out was a ghostly blur which was further-shrouded by whatever was in the pond.  That came as kind of a relief…  It meant that I couldn’t see, you know… things.  It also meant that she couldn’t see “things” about me, too!  Bonus.

    With my mind put at ease, I followed Andelina as best I could.  It was relatively easy seeing the green… fur?  Hair?  Feathers?  Uh, seeing the green plume of her tail.  Even with things being blurry and murky, it was almost like a beacon.  When I had to surface for air, she joined me… only to paddle around me with a big grin.     “What wrong?” she asked in a teasing tone.  “No can hold breath like little girl?”     “You’re a butt,” I said, splashing her.     “Know you are, but what I?”     When she splashed back in rebuttal, I just grinned.     “A brat,” I said, tossing more water her way.     “Know you are,” she giggled as she returned fire, “but what I?”     “A munchkin!”     I sent a large wave at her, but she deftly dove under it.  I knew what was coming, next…     “Surprise!”     Andelina surfaced behind me, grabbing my shoulders and hugging me tight.  I almost went under, but I managed to stay floating.     “I’m a little surprised…” I smartly told her, “but I’m more surprised you didn’t try and dunk me!  Losing your touch?”     “No.”  She squeezed me before saying, “Just want hug!”     “I see.  I–”     My body tensed.  Lina hugging me while we swam was nothing new… but I could usually feel, you know, some amount of fabric back there.  All I could feel against my back, though, was her bare curves…     “Tense…” she said, sounding mildly concerned.  “Yous ‘kay?”     I was okay… when I wasn’t being reminded of the fact that we were both naked.  With her pressing against my back while I floated there, though… it was hard to ignore.  And that… was starting to have an effect on both my mind… and my body.

    “Uhm…  Lina?” I called.     “Yes?”     How… in the world… was I going to possibly ask her to stop hugging me?  I really didn’t want to explain what was going on…  I’d sound like a creepy, old man!  Though, the more I thought about it… the more I realized that bringing it up to someone like Andelina would probably have the opposite effect.

    She would very-likely just get curious…

    “It fine.”     “Wh-what?”     I blinked, blushing as she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.     “It fine,” she repeated, sounding compassionate.  “Know why tense.”     “Y… y-you do…?!” I squeaked as my heart started pounding.     “Not first time swim with boy-friend,” she explained.  “Er, not ‘boyfriend.’  Friend-boy!  Sometime, give hug.  Sometime, boy freeze-up.  Not rocket science know why…”     I shivered as she quietly giggled and nuzzled one of my folded ears.     “Want give time calm?”     “What… if I said ‘no…?’”     I almost covered my mouth as those words fell out.  Why did I ask that…?!     “No want time calm?”  She sounded confused.  “Jos…?  Yous sure?”     I sighed, then I nodded.     “Like you said… you have plenty of guy-friends and… it sounds like this happens pretty regularly.  You can be pretty sexy, after all.”     I flinched, wishing I’d stayed quiet.  Again, I didn’t know why I’d said that.     “I’s…”  She trailed off for a moment before asking, “Um… so… what do, now?”     I blinked, my ears flicking.  Andelina hadn’t let go, but… she’d stopped being affectionate.  She didn’t sound upset… but she didn’t sound as chipper as before, either.     “Did… did I upset you, Lina?”     I blushed as she kissed the back of my ear, then shivered as she giggled.     “Just… think deep…” she whispered.  “Yous like I.  I’s like you, too.”     There was a long pause before she spoke, again.     “Jos…  Want keep swim?  Want get out?  Up to you.”     I paused before honestly telling her, “I… kind of want to kiss you, actually…”     I could feel her tense-up at the comment.  But, then…     “I’s… want, too.”     “Holy crap, why are you so amazing…?”

    All the tenseness suddenly left my body in the form of a relieved sigh… which, again, made Andelina laugh.  I heard her whisper, “Know you are…” before she leaned over my shoulder.  I brought one hand up and gently curled it around her head, then… in the middle of that pond… we shared a long, loving kiss.

    “Y-you know…”     She giggled at me, almost like she knew what I was about to say.     “That kiss only made things worse, on this end…”     “Same…” she said, sounding just a little shy.  That got a blush out of me…     “I’m glad you like kissing as much as I do, Lina…”  I grinned and hugged her head.  “‘cause, this would be weird, otherwise.”     “Plenty weird, Jos…”  She chuckled before reminding me, “We’s naked in pond…  Share kiss while fish swim ‘round feet.  Not think weird?”     “You’re not wrong…”  I hummed, then I told her, “And, neither is this.”     Though she didn’t respond… I think she agreed with me.     “Want swim more, Jos?”     “I do.”     When she slipped away from my backside and swam around to my front, I noticed that she was smiling pretty brightly… and blushing a little more than usual.     “Want… hold tail while swim like fish?”     My own face brightened.  “I’d love to!”     She squealed with delight, then the two of us went back under.  From there, my hand found its way to the base of her tail and we took off!

    I’ve said this, before, but I’ll say it, again: that tail of hers was amazing for swimming!  It swished and swathed a path through the water like a hyperactive snake, propelling us through the murk at a pretty decent speed.  I loved watching her rocket through the water…  She was incredibly agile and pretty-darn-quick, too!  But, I think she liked having me as a passenger, more.  Of course, I was pretty fond of being that passenger.  It was… so much fun.

    When she rotated to turn, I spun with her, letting her wake twist me.  When she dove and rose, I let her take me with her.  Then, when she made a deep dive and went straight up, I decided to let go and swim up to the surface.     “Wooooo…!!”     That’s what I heard as I watched the girl fall from a pretty decent height.  She loved doing those leaps from the water and, frankly, I loved watching her.  Swimming so fast and leaping so high always filled her full of energy and put a big smile on her face.     “Jos…!”     Both of which were aimed right at me, subsequently.

    “Jos, Jos, Jos…” she excitedly chirped  “Love swim!  So much fun…!”     “I’m always happy – ah.”  I flinched as she bit me a little.  “T-to swim with – ack –”     “Yous watch jump?!”  She leaned back and wiggled.  “Get high!  Think break record!”     “I did!” I told her.  “It was cool!”     My tail wagged through the water as she cuddled up to me.  She was such a cutie-pie…     “I’s excite!  So much energy!”     She paused… then she looked at me… and then…     “Gkk–!!”     Without any warning, Andelina pounced me!  As we sank, I didn’t know what was going on!  It… wasn’t her usual “playful antics,” though.  She was clinging… and kissing!  I eventually realized… we were making-out, underwater!  I also realized that… I really liked it…

    It was a weird sensation, being pulled into the depths of that pond by an over-enthusiastic girl, but something about it felt… really good…  Her hands ran through the fur on my head and my hands ran along her back.  She nuzzled into my muzzle and I nosed against her snout.  We held our breath as we adjusted, kissing again-and-again as we descended, propelled by her swirling tail.  Even when we hit the bottom of the pond, neither of us flinched or gave it any thought…  We were solid gone in an impromptu session of smooching and cuddling…

    I snorted, my eyes flicking open.�� Andelina had pulled away… but she hadn’t gone far.  Her arms slid around my chest and back, and she was biting me all over.  I had to fight to keep from gasping – which would have been a really bad thing to do, underwater – but dang it…  That girl’s actions were decimating what little defenses I had left.  I had to do something!     “Mmff…?”     Andelina looked up at me with gentle eyes, almost as if awakening from a trance.  I guess she hadn’t expected me to roll her over and pin her against the silt.  She didn’t seem scared, though.  Just confused.  Well… I think that’s what was happening, anyway.  It was really blurry and murky, down there.  Either way, when I was reasonably sure I had her attention, I did something that made her gasp.

    I bit her shoulder.

    Both hands immediately dug into my head and all of her tiny claws pierced my flesh.  It kind of hurt, but I didn’t care.  I was too busy dragging my tongue along her collarbone and nipping around her throat to worry.  I heard her whimper and felt her squirm, but she didn’t sound panicked.  Actually, she sounded like she was enjoying the attention quite a bit… which is exactly what I’d hoped for.  Things were escalating, and I’m pretty sure I know how that chain-of-events would have ended… if not for one glaring oversight on my part.     “Nngh…?!”     I forgot that I needed to breathe.

    All senses returned to me as my lungs started to seize, reminding me that I was running low on air.  I started to pull away from Andelina… only for her to force me back into her embrace.  I shook my head, squirming and tugging against her strong arms, but she refused to let go.  She was still lost in a wonderful daze… which was horrible news for me.     My lungs were screaming for air, but I wasn’t anywhere near the surface… a very bad combination, to be sure.  I huffed, made a sort of gurgling noise, then… I choked.  The next thing I knew, my body acted on its own and I inhaled!  I head pounded as water flooded my lungs.  My vision started to fade and my body went limp.  I was… pretty sure that I was going to drown…     “Jos…!  Jos…!!”     At least… until I heard a familiar voice call to me.

    “Breathe, Jos!” I heard the voice call.  “Out with bad air, in with good!!”     I could feel something pushing hard against my chest, then my face warmed when I felt something touch my lips…  Well, no.  It was more like I felt something wrap around my muzzle?  Then, the next thing I felt was a big burst of air find its way into my lungs…     “Waaghk–!”     Which forcefully expelled the water that was previously occupying that space.

    I panted, violently coughing and gasping for air.  As the darkness faded from my eyes, I blinked and stared up at a big, blue ceiling dotted with blurry, white things.  It didn’t take me long to realize I was staring at the sky.     “Say, no spray…!  Gosh…”     My eyes turned toward the direction of the voice, then.  Sitting there was the form of a brown-and-cream-colored creature who looked very relieved.  I… think?     “L… Lina…?” I called.  When she drew inward and hugged me, I could tell…  Yeah, it was Lina.

    “Ugh…  My mouth tastes like… fish poop…”     She giggled a little, then she sat up.     “Have yuck-mouth,” she told me.  “Have mint?”     “Yeah, they’re in my bag…”     “I get!”     She left for a moment, then returned.     “I’s back!  Open?”     When she gave that vague instruction, I opened my mouth… only to receive a refreshing taste and a cold chill on my tongue.     “I love these cool mints…” I purred, closing my eyes.

    After a couple of moments of quiet thought, I peeked one eye open.  Andelina was putting something on the bridge of my muzzle.     “Oh…  No wonder I couldn’t see.”     It was my glasses.  I guess they fell off during… during…     “Oh.  Ooohh…”     I suddenly remembered what might have caused that.     “Jos,” the girl started, sounding as guilty as she looked.  “I’s–”     But, before she could even begin to say anything…     “Wrrp…?”     I reached up and put a finger to her lips.     “We both got carried away,” was the next thing out of my mouth.  “It happens when a pretty girl teases a boy too much, and… and said boy won’t give the pretty girl what she wants…”     I’m pretty sure I saw her blush when I said that.     “Stupid as it sounds…”  I blushed, too, as I admitted, “I wouldn’t mind doing it, again.  But, you know… I’ll… have to start doing breathing exercises, and whatnot.  I can’t hold my breath as long as you can, and it just wouldn’t be the same with scuba gear!  Ya know?”     “Stupid… dumb… stupid…”     I blinked, my ears flicking.  “Lina…?”     She was smiling so brightly!  But, at the same time…     “You… you big idiot…!”     She was crying her eyes out!  I didn’t know what to think!  Thankfully, she didn’t give me much time to actually do that.

    “Yous dum-dum…” she said in a much calmer voice as she hugged me tighter than ever.  “Yous almost drown, but yous want more underwater play?  Stupid!”     She laughed and sniffled, rubbing her cheek to mine and leaving a wet spot.     “What kind boy want die for dumb girl like I’s…?”     “I don’t want to die!” I exclaimed in surprise as I finally returned her hug.     “Then, why want do more underwater play?!  Almost drown!”     “Because, I love you!”     I blinked, my ears flicking as I realized what I’d said and how I said it.     “I… I love you, Andelina,” I repeated as I calmed.  “Dang it… I love you and I want to make you happy… love you like you want to be loved… how you want to be loved.  And, um…”     My faced warmed and my ears folded.     “That was… kind of exciting, to be honest… you shark-attacking me and forcing me into an underwater make-out session, like that.”     She’d leaned up, by that point, and was giving me the most befuddled sort of look.  Way to make things harder than they needed to be, me…

    “I… I…”  I blushed even harder, closing my eyes.  “I like it when you bite me…!  Th-there, I said it!  I know it’s weird and maybe even disturbing, but I like it when you–”     “I know.”     “W…  What?”     My eyes opened to a warm, friendly face smiling down at me.  I also noticed a scaly tail wagging a small distance behind that.     “I’s bite,” she explained.  “Yous no say ‘no.’  I’s think, ‘Jos like bite?’  I’s bite harder, yous still no say ‘no.’  Put two-and-two together.”     She rubbed her still-wet cheek with the back of her hand and grinned at me.     “Want hear secret?”  Her face warmed as she told me, “Really like when bite, too.”     Somehow… that didn’t make me feel any less like a creep.     “Feel like… share special thing with, when bite,” she said in her next breath.  “Yous bite I, I bite yous, we’s have long hug, sometimes kiss…  Feel special.  No can say better…”     “S-so… wait.  Does that mean you… like being bitten as much as you like biting…?”     I instinctively flinched.  That was kind of a rude question…  However… that knowing, almost-shy grin on her blushing face gave me all the answer I was looking for.

    “Sorry I almost drown yous,” she said, changing the topic and looking guilty, again.  “Feel free when swim naked.  Naked plus swim fast give plenty energy!  Make real excite…  Lose… what call?  ‘Self-control?’  Almost… almost cost life of Jos…”     She paused, frowning at me.     “Plenty sorry…  More sorry than can say!  Just… s-sorry…”     There was a loaded silence as I looked at the girl who could no longer look my way.  She was completely wracked with guilt, by then.  That… simply wouldn’t do.

    “Lina,” I called, getting her attention.  “You saved my life, right?”     The girl blinked, tilting her head.  A moment later, her ears folded… then perked… then folded, again.  She didn’t seem terribly sure how to feel about that since she was the one who put me in danger in the first place.  So, I told her, simply…     “We goofed.  You fixed it.  No harm done.  So, stop worrying.  Okay?”

    My statement sent her ears into another frenzy.  They couldn’t seem to decide whether to be up or down!  But, after several seconds… they decided to stay down.  She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it.  Her eyes looked to one side and her mouth twitched…  She even started wringing her hands.  Then, just when it seemed like she was going to either break down crying or start apologizing, again…     “Okay.”     She just gave me a nod and a half-hearted smile.     “Has anyone ever told you that you’re pretty when you smile?”     Which grew into a full-fledged one as I complimented her.     “Plenty friend,” she told me with an uncomfortable giggle.  “Yous, most! Always flirt with ones save life?”     Without missing a beat, I told her: “Only if they’re as beautiful as you.”     Her giggle became less forced as she started to relax.     “No shame…” she whispered.  A second later, she leaned down and hugged me, again.  “Love yous, Jos…”     I returned the gesture, closing my eyes and sighing.  “Love you, too, Andelina…”

    Once I’d recovered from my near-death experience, Andelina and I retrieved more food from my bag and fixed up the picnic blanket.  From there, we had a nice, quiet lunch, casually chatting as we admired the calm scenery.  We decided that… maybe things were moving a little fast.  There was no doubt about how close we felt, but still…  I almost died because we got, erm… o-over-stimulated.  It made sense to slow down… especially since she was leaving…     Oh, and… yes, we’d gotten dressed.  It was only a little awkward…  She ran off to get her usual outfit and came back with a towel for me.  I dried off and got dressed, shortly after.

    “Cute tum.”     My ears perked and my head tilted her way.     “I’m sorry…?” I asked as I nibbled on another sandwich.     “You’s tum cute.  Whole body pretty.”  She shyly smiled.  “Peek after yous okay.”     I nodded and blushed a little.  “I’m sure I would’ve done the same, in your position…”     She kept smiling… but her ears were falling back.     “Lina, it’s fine!” I laughed.  “To be honest… I looked at your butt while you were underwater.  You know, when you were leading me around?”     “But… water blur.  Not see much clear.”     “I have a pretty good imagination…” I commented with a smirk.     She blinked at me a couple of times… then, she stood up.     “Lina?  What are you…”     The girl tugged her sweater up and I saw her hands come to the fastens of her pants.  Just as quickly, however… she looked away, removed her hands from her waist, and sat back down.     “D-dumb, bad thing I do…” she commented.  “Offer show butt.  Dumb joke.  Bad, me…”     I blinked several times in succession… then, I blushed and looked away.     “I’m… sorry things are so awkward, now.  I feel like–”     “Moment long dea– long pass,” she excitedly corrected.  “Uh, other time, maybe.”     “What do you mean?”  My head tilted to one side.  “I thought you were leaving?”     “Well… phone have camera…  Yous phone do text pics?”     I blinked, again, as she winked.  She was trying to be playful, but it felt kind’a forced…

    “For real, though…” she continued after taking a drink of soda, “maybe… maybe put off trip.  Stay more long.  Start to realize… plenty friend miss I, and I miss plenty friend.  Never stay one place so long…  Never make so many friend…”     I blushed as she looked at me.  Even her calmest smile was absolutely beautiful…     “Love all friend,” Andelina told me.  “But… Jos special.  Want get know more!”     I brightly smiled.  “Right back at’cha, kiddo!”     “That… why yous like I?”  She cocked her head to the side.  “Look I’s, see kid?”     “What?”  I blinked.  “No, I–”     “What say ‘bout yous?  Like ‘em young…?”  She grinned.  “Yous nasty boy!”     “That– no!  I just–”     “I kid.”  She laughed… only to pause and immediately say, “N-no!  Mean, I joke!  Not–”     “Nope, nope, no take-backs, Lina.  You’re a kid!”     I grinned at her, wagging my tail.  Meanwhile, she growled and grimaced.     “You take back, you take back!!”     As she got her feet, I got to mine.     “Make me,” I teased.     “Oh, I make yous, alright!  Huh?  Hey!  Come– come back!!”     “Catch me if you can, kiddo…!!”

    Thus, the lunch the two of us shared was subsequently worked off by the extensive chase around the area, wherein I managed to avoid Andelina’s pounces and dives for a solid five minutes – a personal best!  Once she’d finally tackled me, she grabbed me by the collar and thumped my head against the ground.     “Take back!  Take back words!” she demanded.     “What will you give me if I do?” I slyly asked.     “I give yous not-headbutt if take back!”     “Ooh.  What a generous offer…”     “Yous take back?”     “Alright, sure.”  I smiled.  “I take if back.  You’re not a kid.”     She let me go in satisfaction.  “‘kay, then!”     “Nope.  You’re a beautiful, young woman with a sexy body, gorgeous eyes, a wonderful smile, and a mighty cute butt.”     She blankly stared at me for several moments before saying: “Come ‘gain?”     “I lied, earlier.”  A grin crossed my face.  “I peeked after you took off your dress.”     The girl looked to the side, rubbing her cheek with the back of her hand.     “S… so…”  She paused, seemingly pondering her words before finally telling me, “No need pics, then?  Ah ha hah…”     I grinned at her response… which got her to relax, again.  Yeah… we’d slowed things down, as far as our, uh… “non-relationship” went.  But… we couldn’t help but be playful.

    To my surprise, the rest of the day went as I’d originally planned: we ate, we played, we swam a bit more – in our swimsuits, of course…  Then, as day turned to night, I decided to take my leave.  Not, however, before we shared a long hug.     “‘night, Jos…” she whispered, after.  “See yous soon?”     “Not if I see you, first, cutie…”     With that, we shared a smile, then we went our separate ways.  At least… for a time.

[sciencespies]

T. rex really could crush a car in its jaws, without damaging its own skull

https://sciencespies.com/nature/t-rex-really-could-crush-a-car-in-its-jaws-without-damaging-its-own-skull/

T. rex really could crush a car in its jaws, without damaging its own skull

The Tyrannosaurus rex had the strongest bite of any known land animal – extinct or otherwise.

The king of the dinosaurs was capable of biting through solid bone, but paleontologists had long been baffled as to how it accomplished this feat without breaking its own skull.

In a new study published in the journal The Anatomical Record, researchers found that the T. rex had a rigid skull, like those of modern-day crocodiles and hyenas, rather than a flexible one like birds and reptiles. That rigidity enabled the dinosaur to bite down on its hapless prey with a force upwards of 7 tons.

“The highest forces we estimated in T. rex were just shy of 64,000 Newtons, which is about 6.5 metric tonnes (7.1 tons) of force,” Ian Cost, the lead author of the new study, told Business Insider.

Modern-day saltwater crocodiles, which hold the chomping record for any living animal, clamp down with a force of 16,460 newtons – only about 25 percent as strong as a T. rex’s bite.

(Illustration by Zhao Chuang, courtesy of PNSO)

Scientists weren’t sure whether T. rex skulls were flexible or rigid

Previously, scientists had suggested that the T. rex’s roughly 6-foot-long (1.8-metre), 4-foot-tall (1.2 metre) skull had flexible joints – a characteristic called cranial kinesis.

Some creatures need to have parts of their skull moving different directions at once, and independently of their jaws. Snakes that swallow animals whole, or birds that have to nibble awkwardly-shaped foods, benefit from having a mobile skull.

Paleontologists first hypothesised that T. rex might also have benefited from mobile joints, moving its skull bones around to help bite with full force.

But Cost said that thinking didn’t align with what scientists observed in modern-day predators like crocodiles and hyenas, which leverage the greatest bite forces of any animals alive today. Crocs’ skulls are very rigid, with little to no cranial kinesis.

So Cost’s group modelled how parrots’ and geckos’ skulls and jaws – two animals with mobile skulls – worked, and then applied those movements to a T. rex skull.

“What we found was that the skull of T. rex actually does not react well to being moved around and prefers to not move,” Cost said.

According to Casey Holliday, a co-author of the study, there’s a trade-off between movement and stability when a creature bites down with a lot of force.

“Birds and lizards have more movement but less stability,” he said in a press release.

Less bite stability and range of motion limits the amount of bite force an animal can muster.

3D map of T. rex skull showing muscle activation. (Courtesy of Eric Stann/University of Missouri)

T. rex jaws could crush a car, as the Hollywood monster does in Jurassic Park

Mark Norell, a curator at the American Museum of Natural History, has described the T. rex as “a head hunter”, since the predator had the rare ability to bite through solid bone and digest it.

Paleontologists know this from the dinosaur’s fossilized poop; they have discovered T. rex faeces containing tiny chunks of bone eroded by stomach acid.

According to Cost, a rigid skull enabled the T. rex to bite through bone. That’s how the dinosaur was “capable of producing enough force to crush some cars, but maybe not every car.”

He added that funelling the T. rex’s 7.1 tons of bite force “through a tooth or two at impact results in incredible pounds per square inch of pressure that could puncture-crush many vehicles, Jeep tires included.”

In the 1993 Hollywood blockbuster, Jurassic Park, a T. rex escapes its paddock and attacks two Jeeps that have broken down nearby. The predator, hoping to nibble on two kids trapped inside the car, flips one Jeep upside down and proceeds to bite into the vehicle’s undercarriage, puncturing a tire.

But the T. rex wasn’t the only Cretaceous-era dinosaur to have an immobile skull, Holliday told Business Insider.

The Triceratops and Ankylosaurs also had fixed, akinetic skulls. Plus, some close relatives of the T. rex, including Oviraptors and Therizinosaurs, don’t have the features that suggest they had flexible skulls, either.

Key features of a stiff T. rex skull. (University of Missouri)

Was the T. rex was a hunter, scavenger, or both?

According to experts at the American Museum of Natural History, the T. rex was a cannibal. But scientists don’t know whether the dinosaurs killed one another or just ate T. rexes that were already dead.

When it comes to the dinosaur’s other dietary preferences, arguments persist about whether the dinosaur was a hunter or a scavenger.

“A bulk of the evidence points to T. rex being a predator, not a scavenger,” Gregory Erickson, a paleontologist from Florida State University, previously told Business Insider. “It was a hunter, day in and day out.”

Cost said his study results, which indicate the T. rex’s skull handled prey in a similar way to a hyena’s, could shed some light on the debate.

“Hyenas, we know, are both hunters and scavengers,” he said. “I think, if anything, that T. rex was both a hunter and an opportunistic scavenger.”

This article was originally published by Business Insider.

More from Business Insider:

#Nature

[surveysonfleek]

088.

Find the nearest book. Read the second sentence on page 13. honestly the closest thing that’s a book is my kindle and there’s no way i’m gna fuck up my place by going to page 13 for this question lol.

Do you own anything that is made of metal and pink? hmm probably only coz i do own a lot of pink.

Is there laundry in your dryer right now? no dryer.

Would you eat a hissing beetle for $1000? i would probably seriously consider it but not do it lol.

If you had to spend a year studying an animal in the wild, what animal? pandas. (this survey is super long)

What is your all time favorite recipe? i had this amazing recipe for the moistest vanilla cupcakes ever but i lost it. i need to find it. i’d always get compliments.

What’s the first thing you think of when you smell strawberries? nothing really.

What’s the nearest thing to your right that starts with an L? lamp. Are there any bells in your house? the doorbell? lol. there’s also bells on the front door, you’ll always hear it if someone opens it.

What’s your favorite informercial? i hate them.

Ever been to AsSeenOnTv.com? no.

If you could have a shopping spree in any store, what would it be? a department store so i can buy something from every section lol.

Where’s the best place to register for a wedding? a department store lol.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found on the beach? dead blue jellyfish.

Have you ever kissed anyone within an hour of meeting them? no i haven’t.

Can you watch a birthing video all the way through? i’m not sure, never tried.

What would be your act in a talent show? nothing!! 

What channel is on channel 37 on your tv? nothing.

What’s the last thing you wrote? my id number.

Do you have a community mailbox or an individual one? individual. like for my family.

How many keys are on your key ring? only three i think.

What was your first myspace song ever? i forgot.

Besides mama and dada, what was your first real word? haha i have no idea i’d have to ask my parents.

Would you rather be stuck in the desert or in a blizzard? blizzard. i honestly hate the summer heat.

What dessert do you hate? ice cream. like just ice cream. it’s boring.

What candy factory would you love to work at? lindt.

What does an envelope taste like to you? an envelope haha. can’t really compare it to anything else.

What’s your favorite line in your favorite movie? ugh idk lol. i can’t be put on the spot like that coz nothing comes to mind instantly.

Have you ever gone to the bathroom outdoors? yes. i used to go on camping trips a lot as a kid lol.

Would you help a baby cougar w/ the risk of the mama attacking you? no. 

What international monument would you like to visit the most? golden gate bridge - again. i never got pictures with it.

Have you decided where you want to get married? nope. around 30 i guess.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten in a sandwich? meh, i’m not very creative. so nothing too strange.

What’s the most exotic thing you’ve eaten? umm idk.

Is there a crime/criminal that intrigues you the most? no.

What Disney character do you think is the cutest? boo from monsters inc has always been cute for me.

Can you name some of the clever names of OPI nail polish? no lol.

Can you sing the entire theme song to any show? yes. the office. it has no words lol.

Did you ever get ‘the talk’ from either one of your parents? nope. my mum asked me as a kid if i knew how babies were made and i said yes and instantly left her room lol.

Do you remember drinking from a bottle? yes.

What’s in the third drawer of your dresser? leggings, tights and warmer clothes.

What do you keep in the little pocket of your purse? gum.

When people ask for ID, which ID do you use? driver’s license.

Who was the first person you knew who’s name started with a P? pj, my first friend in preschool.

What’s the last form you filled out online? this cashback thing from tolls.

How many times have you had to renew/change your driver’s license? i’ve renewed my license maybe five times now. and this month again coz it’s expiring.

Have you ever been given a bouquet of carnations? no.

Do you have an old computer that just sits at the house? yes lol. we should throw it, no one ever uses it.

Do you read the lyrics in the CD sleeve while listening to the song? i used to when i used to buy cd’s. i’d hate it when the sleeve didn’t have lyrics lol.

Name something you made out of play-doh when you were younger. a ball.

What’s your next appointment for? nothing.

When’s the last time you put glitter on something? on the weekend lol. as eyeshadow.

What’s the worst birthday gift you received as a child? clothes. i hated getting clothes. i was all about the toys.

Do you go into the gas station or stay by your car when pumping gas? stay by my car? then go into the gas station when i have to pay? confused by this question.

When’s the last time you sat on Santa’s lap? omg i don’t remember.

What’s your favorite kind of caramel apple? don’t think i’ve ever had one.

Would you rather wrestle crocodiles or anacondas? crocs. i’d hate to think of dying a slow and painful death with an anaconda squeezing you.

Did you sneeze last night? probably.

Do you hold the remote while watching tv or set it down? set it down unless i’m flicking through channels.

Have you ever done farm chores like milk a cow or shave a sheep? no.

When’s the last time you used a coupon? umm last week when i bought my new hair straightener.

Does your mom know what size clothes you wear now? yes.

Is Love written anywhere in the room you’re in? yes.

What’s the nearest sports equipment to you? basketball jerseys.

Have you ever glued your fingers or hands together? yes. i was fumbling around with superglue trying to fix my shoe and my fingers got stuck together for a good few seconds.

Do you think that they should bring the guillotine back? naaah. too messy.

If you could invent anything to make life easier, what would it be? teleportation so i could travel whenever.

Would you like to run in a giant hamster ball for humans? no.

What were that last kind of nuts you ate? normal peanuts.

Do you own any shirts with political or social statements on them? no.

Do you remember what your 2nd grade teacher’s first name was? mrs. la scala.

Have you ever played Twister & had someone’s butt in your face? haha i don’t remember the last time i played twister.

What was the last thing you cheated on? hmmm idk.

When was the last time you used a walkie talkie? geez probably when i was 10.

Where do you usually go camping? i don’t go camping anymore.

Who do you sleep with when you go camping? well with my family.

Ever been afraid to see a ghost in your rearview mirror when driving alone? hahaha plenty of times. especially after those nights with friends where you just start talking about scary shit.

Have you ever dated anyone whose name started with B? no.

If yes, was it a good experience? -

Do you remember what Doug Funnie’s dog’s name was? i forgot he even had a dog.

What is your favorite episode of The Brady Bunch? no idea. i remember watching it as a kid but totally no recollection of any scenes.

Name a line from a Spice Girls song. coz tonight is the night when two become one. man i had no idea as a 5yo that song was about sex.

Have you ever jumped into a pile of leaves? yes.

What does your swimsuit look like? a black one piece.

Do you like it fast or slow? ha, there’s a time for both.

What’s the last holiday candy you consumed? idk lol.

What’s the last thing you bought at a grocery store? smokes.

Have you ever done a backflip on a giant trampoline? no. don’t think i’ve ever tried doing a backflip in my life.

Do you believe that there is only ONE person out there for everybody? not sure, only because there’s the whole ‘the one that got away’ thing.

Do you prefer flowers or chocolate? chocolates.

Do you remember the first time you used a computer? yeah, there’s a photo of me and everything lol. i was playing some game that came from a floppy disk.

Do you remember the first computer game you ever played? some educational game. i forgot what it was called.

Does your Wii character ever look like you? sorta. but not really.

What’s the last sour thing you put in your mouth? my drink.

Do you remember anything from before you were 3? not really hey.

Do you believe in hypnosis? idk if you’d call it that but there’s definitely a way to get people who are willing to be entranced, to be entranced.

Do you reserve pages in the yearbook for certain people? nope?

Ever had a fantasy about a teacher? haha no. there were hot teachers but i never imagined dating them or anything.

What’s the most humiliating outfit your parent made you wear? it was book week at school and we had to dress up as our favourite character from a book and my mum made me the ugliest tinkerbell costume hahaha. it was true to the character, i just looked terrible in it.

Did you ever want to change religions? no.

Is it hard for you to fall asleep when you have had a lot of sugar? no.

What’s your favorite thing to eat with strawberries? nutella.

How do you eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup? i honestly just chomp it. 

What would you do for a Klondike bar? nothing.

What’s the funniest bumper sticker you’ve ever seen? -

Ever been up in the mountains? no.

When’s the first time you ever touched snow? i was 5 i think.

What color is your computer desk? that light brown/yellowish wood colour.

Are you baptized? yes.

What did you dream of last night? nothing.

Have you ever eaten an exotic animal? define exotic? the weirdest thing i’ve eaten was turtle. never again.

What do you think is the funniest movie of all time? mean girls and white chicks.

Name a line from that movie? 'yo momma’s so old, she breastfeed like this *blows powder*’ still hilarious.

Would you be surprised if you found out your mom had tattoos? hahaha hell yes.

Would you wear a leather dog collar for free drinks? hahaha. no way.

When was the last time you danced the Macarena? forever ago. i think on a cruise lol.

Can you sing your school’s song? our school song was written and produce the year i graduated, so naturally i don’t remember it since it wasn’t played on repeat throughout my whole school life.

What was your all time favorite subject in elementary school? probably art. it was always really chill.

What’s the last song you sang out loud in the car? idk haha.

Who is the last person you talked to whose name started with a G? ugh, i can’t think lol. gio i guess.

Have you ever bedazzled anything? my phone cover back when it was cool.

Have you ever bought anything off of HSN or QVC? no. Where do you keep your cash? all in my account. i hate carrying cash.

Do you fold laundry while watching tv? no.

When’s the last time you used a protractor? high school lol.

When’s the last time you used a Victoria’s Secret product? the other day.

Can you name the kids from the Cosby Show? nope.

What’s your favorite show on Nick At Nite? never had nickelodeon.

Have you ever made a rubber band ball? no lol. always wanted to.

What zodiac sign do you find to be the most interesting? none. people who truly believe in that shit kill my life. i could read any horoscope and somehow find a way it relates to my life.

Would you ever see a psychic? tempting but no.

When’s the last time you had cotton candy? ages ago.

Where is your younger sibling? in her room.

What’s the last thing you ordered at a Mexican restaurant? tacos.

Do you have an ant problem in the summer? nope.

Do you tan outside or in a booth? outside. but rarely.

Do you still use scrunchies? no.

Have you ever met someone for the 1st time that seemed so familiar? yes. i didn’t officially meet her, but there was this girl at work who looked SO familiar. i spent all shift thinking about it and realized she looks exactly like baby ariel lol.

What’s the most hours you’ve worked in a week? 40.

Do you keep anything in files? yes.

Do you have special ringtones for different people? only my boyfriend.

How do you eat your steak? rare/medium rare.

Is your birthmark shaped like anything? nah, it’s just a small dash.

Can you put on mascara with your mouth closed? yes.

Have you ever worn men’s underwear? no.

Do you own anything that’s fuzzy and purple? nope.

When’s the last time you were kissed on the cheek? on the weekend.

Do you play with pogs? nope.

What wild animal would you like as a pet? a panda that’s tame.

When’s the last time someone hung up on you? idk lol.

Have you eaten an entire pizza by yourself? hmmm. i probably have tbh.

Have you ever fallen out of a tree? nope.

Did you read the Babysitters Club book series? i was obsessed with it as a kid. i’d go to the markets and scope out garage sales just to collect them all.

How about Goosebumps? ^ same.

Ever worn a flower in your hair? yes.

What kind of car did your parents have while you were growing up? suzukis. they don’t have suzukis anymore yet i do lol.

Do you ever wish your birthday was on a different day? nah. i like my birthday.

Do you sunburn easily? i can if i’m not wearing any sunscreen.

Have you read the Twilight series? the first book only and like halfway through the second.

Why couldn’t you go to sleep the last time you were up all night? i was occupied lol.

What breed of dog do you find the most annoying? the small barky ones lol.

What would you name your first born son? haven’t thought that far ahead yet.

Do you cook anything you don’t like eating? no lol. what’s the point!

Do you watch any reality shows on MTV or VH1? no.

Would you have a better chance of surviving in the Sahara or Alaska? alaska. easily.

When’s the last time you pet a cat? omg maybe over a year ago.

Do you remember Eureka’s Castle on Nick JR? nope.

What would you say is Paris Hilton’s occupation? international dj hahahaha.

Are you wearing a necklace? yes.

Do you have any noticeable moles or birthmarks? i have a small mole below my right eye.

Count to ten in another language. ok i just did.

Do you feel uncomfortable telling friends they have boogers in their nose? no. i’d appreciate it if my friends told me if i had any!

What do you remember from sex ed class when you were younger? yes lol. the class thought it was a joke.

What’s the first instrument you ever played? keyboard.

What’s the last thing you wore around your neck? necklace.

[crtranscript]

Talks Machina: After Dark - March 7, 2017

Transcribed by Critter Ryan McClure (@IHaveThatPower) and edited by @CRTranscript!

[The camera starts focused on the big Trinket statue, with Marisha, Travis, and Gil trying to pick its nose.]

MARISHA: Twinket!

MATT: Yay, Twinket!

BRIAN: Twinket!

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MARISHA: Twinket!

BRIAN: He’s shielding his eyes from a blacklight.

[Back to focusing on the group.]

MATT: For the record, you ever heard the sound a grizzly bear makes?

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: Fuckin’ weird.

TRAVIS: [guffaws]

MATT: You think grizzly bear, you hear the sounds they make in movies, and there’s like one or two good, like, audio clips of grizzly bears and most of them are like [makes grizzly bear sounds that sound ridiculous] and you’re like, “...what?! Really?!”

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, I gotta drop the bass on that thing.

MATT: Yeah, man.

TRAVIS: [imitates the noises Matt made]

MATT: That’s nature fuckin’ with you. Anyway. Sorry. It’s your show. Hi.

BRIAN: They had the guy who did, uh, they had the guy who did Chunk do the--

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: [imitating Sloth from Goonies] Heyyyy youu guyyyys!

ASHLEY: [imitating Sloth from Goonies] Hey you guyyyyys!

BRIAN: Well, Ashley’s here.

[all greeting Ashley with excitement]

ASHLEY: Hello!

BRIAN: She’s sharing the chair with me.

MATT: You’re a cute couple.

MARISHA: I love it.

BRIAN: How are you?

ASHLEY: [through laughter] I’m great, how are you?

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: Y’all look like you’re on a carnival ride for kids.

[all laughing]

MATT: And she wants her friend to give her an out right now so bad.

BRIAN: Put your hands up. [imitates throwing hands in the air as if on a roller coaster]

[all making “Wee!” noises]

BRIAN: Um. Okay. Question for all, but especially Matt.

MATT: Oh god.

TRAVIS: So, just Matt.

BRIAN: What has been the best/worst... [Ashley starts giggling, then he starts singing to Ashley] Sometimes when we touch…

ASHLEY: Noooo.

BRIAN: ...she screams “No.”

ASHLEY: [mock protesting] Don’t do it!

BRIAN: What has been the best/worst or most unusual or most hilarious or most foul thing shouted just before the stream starts?

[all going “Ohhhhh!”]

TRAVIS: Great fuckin’ question.

BRIAN: Liam is very good.

MATT: Liam is very good.

BRIAN: Sam is very good.

MATT: Everyone else has caught onto it, which is really frustrating. What about, what are your guys’ answers?

TRAVIS: I usually say, like, kitty nipples or like, uh, skittle farts, or chuckle nut, chuckle balls. It’s an inspiration thing, it has to strike you at the right time.

MARISHA: There’s been, like, weird ones, normally based off of the beasts we’re about to fight, like tentacle taint or, yeah, y’know.

TRAVIS: I went with “grape nuts” one time.

MARISHA: [continuing] Yeah, illithid scrote… [talking with Gil in the background]

BRIAN: Grape nuts?!

TRAVIS: Grape nuts! Yeah, grape nuts I think actually got Mercer pretty good, ‘cause... fuckin’ ...grape nuts.

BRIAN: Grape nuts.

MATT: Yeah, grape nuts. The one that got me once--it got me because I could see it too viscerally in my head was like, dangly wrinkled goblin grundle?

[all laughing]

MATT: And my imagination went way too visceral and legitimate in my mind and I went “Hohh... welcome to Critical Role?” Like, I’m sure whatever episode it was…

TRAVIS: Your entire [inaudible] right in front of you.

MATT: Yeah, no, no, you can see like my whole body tense up as I’m like, “Mmm, I’m rejecting that image!”

TRAVIS: Rejecting! [chuckling]

BRIAN: If the stream comes on and Matt does one of these... [imitates Matt tilting his head in reaction to the off-screen taunting]

TRAVIS: Yeah!

ASHLEY: Yeah!

MATT: Yep.

BRIAN: ...they got him.

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: It was a good one.

ASHLEY: It was a good one.

BRIAN: Uh, Travis.

TRAVIS: Yep.

BRIAN: Between Umbracyl... Oom-brussle?

TRAVIS: Oom-brussle!

ASHLEY: Oooom-bruh-seal.

MATT: Oom-bruh-seal!

TRAVIS: Ooooom-bruh-SEAL!

BRIAN: ...and the kraken and any other I’m forgetting…

TRAVIS: Crack-EN.

BRIAN: ...is Grog going to develop a hatred, or worse a fear, of small, enclosed, warm places?

[all going “ohhhhh” and laughing]

TRAVIS: You know, Grog hand a fondness for those small, enclosed, warm places…

MATT: Actually, you weren’t swallowed by Umbracyl, you were swallowed by the Fey croc, the Feymire crocodile.

TRAVIS: That’s right, yeah, in the live show.

MATT: In the Feywild. Yeah.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s right.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I got chomped, I got chomped for sure. No fear. Grog’s got no fear because you’d have to have an intelligence to recognize the peril of your surroundings to develop a fear. I usually get swallowed and I’m like, “This is nice!”

MATT: So what you’re saying is your DeviantArt is filled with vore art now. Is that what’s going on?

[all making grossed-out sounds]

TRAVIS: Pretty much.

MATT: Good, great. Sorry, the internets ruined me a long time ago.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I can tell.

BRIAN: Ozzy Stern... wants to know.

MATT: Yes?

TRAVIS: Good pause.

BRIAN: Matt and the crew...

TRAVIS: Asshole.

BRIAN: ‘Cause you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.

TRAVIS: Ozzy Stern [looks at watch and pauses dramatically] wants to know.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Has the dragon vodka been drunk after the death of the Conclave and what did it taste like?

MARISHA: Wait, have we opened that yet?

MATT: The dragon vodka, we did. We had the dragon vodka and then we had the Arkenstone wine.

MARISHA: The wine, right.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: The wine was incredible.

MATT: It [the vodka] was harsh.

MARISHA: The wine was so good.

MATT: I’m a vodka fan myself, as far as like drinks go like vodka and rum are the two of my choice and the vodka was really, really good.

BRIAN: I like, uh… vodka, too. I’m sorry, Travis.

TRAVIS: I know. I’m waiting.

MATT: God dammit.

BRIAN: Hey guys.

MATT: The dragon vodka was really cool. For those who didn’t know, it was a gift from a critter that sent this amazing bottle of vodka that had like gold flakes in it and it had like a glass dragon inside the bottle.

ASHLEY: Whoa.

MATT: It was absurd!

MARISHA: The gold flakes.

MATT: So thank you again!

MARISHA: I loved that on the back it said that it was like artisan infused with premium 24 carat gold flakes and I was like, “Baaaack the fuck out.”

TRAVIS: Artisan.

MATT: I was hoping that it was infused with actual artisans.

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: They just like distilled it from their bodies.

TRAVIS: That’d be better.

MATT: Yeah.

BRIAN: I can get you some of that.

MATT: Of course you--you can, Brian.

BRIAN: I know a guy. Goes by the name @GilTheVlogsmith. Travis, I have a question... we hope this is for you.

TRAVIS: Yeah, oh shit.

BRIAN: What would Grog do with a 20 Intelligence for 24 hours?

TRAVIS: I have no idea. I don’t know.

BRIAN: You have to have fantasized about it.

TRAVIS: Nope.

BRIAN: Asleep in your---

TRAVIS: No, that would take forethought and like planning and I don’t do either of those things with my character. I have no idea. I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m not sure. It’d depend on my mood that day. He could either be like a very benign, very helpful individual, right? He might try and, like, I don’t know. Build a better rocketship.

MARISHA: Better rocketship?

TRAVIS: Yeah. I want to visit that moon!

GIL: Grog with like a snifter. [in a high-class voice] “Oh yes, of course, why don’t you…”

BRIAN: He becomes all pretentious!

MATT: “I am the Grand Poobah of Thisnthat, yes.”

TRAVIS: I would probably try to go into Percy’s workshop and build something.

BRIAN: Yeah, but then they would find you in like Percy’s house, though, several hours later after having 20 Intelligence and you would be like “Come to the piano and hear an original composition.”

[all laughing]

MATT: And then this slow zoom on Percival as he starts crying listening to it.

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: That’s true!

ASHLEY: Make it happen!

BRIAN: Hey Ashley.

MATT: Grogless Strongjawess.

ASHLEY: Yeah!

MARISHA: Ashley!

ASHLEY: That’s me!

MARISHA: Hi!

BRIAN: This question is from Adonis.

ASHLEY: Oh!

BRIAN: Do you and Matt ever do one-on-ones... to figure out--

[all laughing]

ASHLEY: All the time.

BRIAN: Now be very careful about how you answer this.

MATT: Not here, Ashley.

BRIAN: Do you and Matt--wait, one-on-ones like on The Bachelor where they get a one-on-one date?

ASHLEY: A one-on-one date.

MATT: Yeah.

BRIAN: Do you guys ever do that? One-on-one dates where Pike is, uh, where you figure out what Pike is doing whenever she’s away?

MATT: I would if she wasn’t all the time on Blindspot.

BRIAN: I know.

MATT: I know. She’s busy being a TV star. And we discuss it--

ASHLEY: I wish we could.

MATT: We discuss it when you come back.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: We’ll talk about what you’ve been up to and how to tie it back into the story, but y’know, schedules are a pain in the butt.

ASHLEY: Yeah. I think when we had our home games I remember sometimes when I would miss, we did a coup--well, we did one--

MATT: Yeah, we did a one-on-one once, then we did one with you and Liam.

TRAVIS: That’s right, it was just the two of you guys.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: And then...

TRAVIS: And it was, like, brutal, right? Yeah.

ASHLEY: It was intense.

MATT: Yeah, you guys had to fight a chimaera.

ASHLEY: ‘Cause you don’t have as many people to go around to think about what you’re going to do, you’re just always like “Uh, okay, I’ll do this, I’ll do this.” And then we also did one, Sam, Liam, and I.

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: But that was sort of learning... after Pathfinder when we switched over to see…?

MATT: We hadn’t switched over yet, that was still in Pathfinder. That was towards the end of the pre-stream era.

ASHLEY: Okay, yeah. So--

MATT: ‘Cause the rest of the party had fallen beneath Emon--

TRAVIS: And you were catching up.

ASHLEY: Yes, we were catching up.

MATT: --in the Crystalfen Caverns. Yeah.

ASHLEY: So that was basically the only times we’ve gotten to do... it was more like a two-on-one date.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Even more exciting.

[Matt laughs]

ASHLEY: And neither of us went home.

BRIAN: Everybody got a rose.

ASHLEY: Yes, even more exciting.

MATT: Everybody got arosed.

TRAVIS: One more Bachelor reference…

BRIAN: Everybody got arosed!

ASHLEY: Oh shit!

BRIAN: Stay turnt! About to get arosed!

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Do you know where that’s from?

ASHLEY: That’s the best.

BRIAN: I’ll tell you later. Ashley.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

BRIAN: Johnny Bane 0415 wants to know--

ASHLEY: Okay. Hey Johnny.

BRIAN: How would Pike take the news of the party leaving Grog behind if he had been swallowed and dead in the kraken?

ASHLEY: I don’t even wanna--

TRAVIS: Clammed up.

ASHLEY: That would’ve been a bad... that would’ve been a bad idea.

MARISHA: Yeah. “Where’s Grog?”

ASHLEY & MARISHA: “Wellllllll…”

BRIAN: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I think she would’ve pulled a Scanlan.

MATT: He died as he lived…

TRAVIS: Oh yeah?

MARISHA: Really?

MATT: ...inside a giant fish?

ASHLEY: I think Pike would’ve pulled Scanlan--

GIL: In tight spaces?

MARISHA: And been like “peace”?

ASHLEY: And then just go like live under the sea until she found him.

TRAVIS: [singing] Under da Sea.

ASHLEY: And then like save his body ‘til she levels up, keeps his body in a bag of colding until she levels up and gets True Resurrection, even if it’s like hundreds of years, and then she would’ve resurrected him.

TRAVIS: [cute speak] Oh that’s the sweetest, most wonderful answer evah!

ASHLEY: Oh Grog!

TRAVIS: I love it! Pikey poo! [normal voice] That kraken is so lucky that they didn’t leave me behind. That’d be one dead tuna shell, man.

MARISHA: Oh my god, that would’ve been nuts!

ASHLEY: So drivel.

MARISHA: ‘Cause then you would’ve gone back and you would have either tried to get Grog out and died or like killed the kraken and still doomed my people!

TRAVIS: Yep.

ASHLEY: Wait, so if the kraken gets killed…

TRAVIS: Uh huh…

ASHLEY: That... your people... the kraken can’t be killed.

MATT: The logistics of it are that these krakens that exist on the water elemental plane, one of their waste products is these lodestones. These, like, concentrated magic, kinda similar to the whitestone--

TRAVIS: They poop pearls.

MATT: Yeah, kind of. Like, magnetic pearls. And they’re utilized to both maintain a very tight closure around the rift into the water elemental plane beneath Vesrah and they also maintain the capability of the temple and the reef to keep the city up. If those were, as they wane over time from power, the rift begins to open and the reef begins to sink and it all begins to condense inward, which would sink the entire city, which would open the rift and allow the kraken or other such creatures to begin to then spill out into the prime material plane.

TRAVIS: Meh, semantics.

MATT: So it’s--

BRIAN: Sounds fine.

MARISHA: No big.

MATT: Yeah. It’s an ecological circle.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: They rely on the circle. They rely on the kraken, but they must keep it outside of the rift, but they cannot kill it, but they have to be careful of it, and they lose waverunners all the time to it. They only have to go back once every like four or five years to try it. And, to be perfectly honest, if you guys had probably, things had gotten really bad and you shouted back into the portal like “We need help!” they probably would’ve sent people to come help.

GIL: Oh shit, really?

MARISHA: Really?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Oh.

BRIAN: Oh lord have Mercer, don’t tell them that after the fact!

MARISHA: I know!

MATT: It’s so much fun to tell after the fact, though!

BRIAN: Marisha, Marisha.

MARISHA: Yeah. Yes. Brian. Foster.

BRIAN: Blue Chibi wants to know…

MARISHA: Blue Chibi?

BRIAN: How does it feel to not be a part of the “I died” Club?

TRAVIS: [doing a voice] Blue chibi!

BRIAN: Do you feel left out and do you want to join?

MARISHA: No. It feels wonderful. It feels like privilege. It’s nice.

MATT: You’re the only one.

MARISHA: I am the only one.

TRAVIS: We can totally fix that.

MATT: I have to try twice as hard to kill you now.

ASHLEY: Wait, you’re the only one that has--

TRAVIS: Hasn’t died.

MARISHA: I haven’t died.

TRAVIS: I think--

BRIAN: I promise I will never die.

TRAVIS: --we gotta complete the circle, right? We should just kill her the second--

MARISHA: Suicide pact?

ASHLEY: Oh my god, you’re right!

MATT: And there’s a reason for that. [mockingly] Because she’s my fiancee and I give her special treatment.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Oh yeah, we all know about that.

MARISHA: Don’t even say that in jest, ‘cause they’ll--no.

MATT: They’ve been shouting that shit from the beginning and the know that’s not true.

BRIAN: No, everybody knows that’s not true because go back and watch the moment she fell in the lava and you will see--

MARISHA: That’s true. That’s true.

BRIAN: --Matt trying not to--

MATT: No, no, we’ve had conversations about alternate characters if that were to happen. Trust me, trust me, if I was giving her special treatment… I wouldn’t be sleeping on the couch as often.

[Travis laughing]

BRIAN: Nobody’s invincible.

MARISHA: Don’t say that either! They think that too!

[all laughing]

BRIAN: That’s true! That’s true.

MARISHA: They think all of these things!

MATT: No, you’re right, you’re right. That doesn’t happen.

TRAVIS: They all think that Laura and I are half the time on the couch. And we never are.

MARISHA: Same here.

MATT: We enjoy their narrative, it’s fine.

MARISHA: You’re like “...no.” We drive home and we’re like “Have you heard this new song?”

TRAVIS: We’re eating Taco Bell on the way home.

MATT: Yeah, that’s basically us, too!

MARISHA: There’s always Taco Bell!

MATT: Always Taco Bell ‘cause that’s what’s up.

MARISHA: It’s the best.

TRAVIS: Only thing that’s open.

ASHLEY: So good, man.

MARISHA: Kind of food. Not food.

MATT: Loosely food.

BRIAN: Travis, Pale Archer--

TRAVIS: Sup, Art.

BRIAN: You seemed extremely calm for only having eight hit points at the end. What was going through your mind? Was it “This is a beast--” Nope! Was it a “This beast is the strongest thing ever so I’m okay if it kills me” kind of thing?

TRAVIS: Mm.

[long pause]

TRAVIS: Is there more to that question?

BRIAN: Because I put my thumb out? I was counting how many times it took me to aks [sic] it correctly.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: That’s why I do that. I go “Here we go, I get five of these before I have to move on to another question.”

TRAVIS: It threw me! Uh... I’m just a stone-cold motherfucker, y’know? Nothing shakes me. No.

ASHLEY: Stone Cold!

TRAVIS: I know. When I got to the door--

BRIAN: You sounded very tough. You sound like a great hype man.

TRAVIS: [imitating Ashley] “Stone Cold!”

ASHLEY: Stone Cold!

TRAVIS: When Percy cast Friends, there was a little wrinkle in my visage ‘cause I was like, “Oh, I was ready to go, ‘cause I got--Daddy got almost single digits in hit points. I’m gonna go get him--”

BRIAN: You call yourself Daddy?

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: Yeah, “Daddy--Daddy gotta go get--”

BRIAN: I’m just making sure talking about you still.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: To be fair, that's his character background.

TRAVIS: “Daddy gotta go get Tary.” And then I got back and Mercer’s like “You get almost to the portal,” and I’m like just sitting there with this asshole going like “...cool!” Taliesin goes, “Well, I come and get them,” and Matt’s like, “You can get Tary,” and I was like “...sure! This’ll be fuckin’ great!” [slurping noises] “There we go, we’re back in here again.” And if I didn't manage to puke myself out, that was, that was bruschetta.

MATT: Yeah. Which is why I tweeted the picture of the saving throw.

MARISHA: Bruschetta.

MATT: ‘Cause it wa like, you need-- if it’d rolled a ten or higher, you’d’ve been stuck in there. I rolled an ine and I’m like “No one’s gonna fuckin’ believe this.”

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: I have to tweet out rolls now ‘cause people are like “Oh, there’s no fuckin’ way!” And I post it and like “See?” and they go “...there’s no fuckin way!” and I’m like “Alright, whatever.”

TRAVIS: And plus it’s also once one person’s dead, it’s easier--I feel like it’s easier to join the dead--like, the list of dead people. If you’re the first one you’re like “I don’t wanna be the first!” but if Vax is already dead I’m like, “Hey! Dead homies!”

BRIAN: Dead homies!

MARISHA: We’ve never had to go through like a ritual resurrection process with you. It’s just always been a quick Revivify.

TRAVIS: Right.

MARISHA: Right? We’ve gotten you in time.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: Are we the only ones though that haven’t gone through rituals?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

GIL: With the um, what was that, the sword, Craven Edge.

BRIAN: Craven Edge, yeah.

GIL: Wasn’t that still a--

MATT: We did a very quick ritual.

TRAVIS: Oh it was a ritual, yeah.

MATT: I was still figuring out the rules for the time. I was learning how to adjust the resurrection process.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s right. That’s right.

TRAVIS: ‘Cause we did it right then and there outside of the cave.

MATT: I hadn’t considered Revivify and the process at that point, so I was trying something out.

TRAVIS: Right.

MARISHA: Right.

MATT: I’ve since honed it.

TRAVIS: Now it’s just you. You just have to die.

BRIAN: Thank god.

MARISHA: Last man standing!

TRAVIS: Flatliner.

MARISHA: What’s up!

BRIAN: Flatliner.

MARISHA: Flatliner.

TRAVIS: You’re the only one has to take the journey.

MATT: It’s true.

TRAVIS: How do you want to go?

MARISHA: How do I want to go?

TRAVIS: Poison?

BRIAN: How do you want to die this?

TRAVIS: Bludgeoning? [in an accent] How do you want to die dis?

BRIAN: How d’ye der de der dis.

MARISHA: I don’t know, like I said, being eaten by a kraken would’ve been epic.

TRAVIS: Yep. And permanent.

MARISHA: My biggest fear was that I was gonna trip and faceplant in lava. And then that happened. So as long as it’s not embarrassing--

GIL: Bucket list.

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: Valid point.

TRAVIS: That was the best description

MARISHA: ‘cause nothing’s worse than dying from something completely unrelated to the circumstances that are actually going on.

MATT: Well, it’s like can you imagine the actual funeral? “We will remember her as a wonderful lively friend who gave her life... uh... well she lost her life… she was fuckin’ clumsy. It really sucked. We’re sorry.”

MARISHA: She could control weather, but--

TRAVIS: Fell face-first.

MARISHA: --those slippy embankments. Gotta be careful of those!

MATT: Perhaps we should’ve bought her shoes with better tread!

GIL: Boat shoes?

MARISHA: Boat shoes! “Had those boat shoes come sooner--”

MATT: Been there this whole time!

BRIAN: Keyleth died doing what she loved: a series of errors.

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: Amazing.

MARISHA: Fucking failing.

BRIAN: Hey Ashley.

ASHLEY: Oh god. Yeah?

BRIAN: Undercover Goth…

ASHLEY: Yes?

TRAVIS: Is that Taliesin?

MARISHA: That’s his protege.

ASHLEY: He’s not undercover.

TRAVIS: No, he’s not undercover, you’re right.

BRIAN: I think it’s undercover, then out-there-in-the-open, then executive--he’s sort of the--

TRAVIS: Executive Goth, yeah.

MARISHA: He’s like the goth mafia.

BRIAN: He’s like the guy over there petting the cat, y’know? He’s the evil executive.

MATT: Yeah, like there’s fuckin “weird travestite” and then there’s “executive transvestite.”

BRIAN: Yeah. Eddie Izzard. Correct. That’s the correct pronunciation. Ashley! Undercover Goth--

ASHLEY: Mm-hmm?

BRIAN: I just watched four--fuuh--I just watched--

[?Denise? laughing off-screen]

BRIAN: --Force Grey this weekend, where you also played a cleric. Would you ever play a--don’t read--I’m reading it to you!

ASHLEY: I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It’s in front of me so it’s hard not to read it!

BRIAN: Would you ever play a different class or do you love clerics so much? Also, you’re very beautiful up close.

ASHLEY: Thank you! So much.

MARISHA: Awww.

TRAVIS: Gross.

BRIAN: Never really get this close.

[all laughing]

GIL: Just Skype.

BRIAN: We sleep like Dick Van Dyke in that show, y’know?

TRAVIS: Two different beds? I Love Lucy?

BRIAN: There’s one for all you youngsters, though. Anyway. Clerics?

TRAVIS: [laughing] Dick Van Dyke.

ASHLEY: We had, for Force Grey, we had kind of, I was thinking maybe I was gonna play something different, but I think when we had all talked about it, they were like “Just play a cleric,” because there wasn’t one in the group yet?

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I can’t remember.

MATT: The folks at Wizard were like “Hey! She plays a cleric really well. We need somebody who knows what they’re doing. Can she play a cleric again?” Was kind of what it came down to.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Because a lot of the players hadn’t played the game before.

ASHLEY: And I was actually okay with it because I still sometimes feel very inexperienced in this game, so I think I wanted, since that was gonna be something that was gonna be recorded, well it’s something that I kind of already know how to do. And I think with that group, I had the most experience, I was like “Uh oh.”

MATT: Yep!

ASHLEY: But it was great. I mean, you can play it even if you don’t have experience, it’s awesome. But I would like to play something else. I have been prepping another character.

MATT: Next campaign.

TRAVIS: You have?

ASHLEY: For our next campaign, yeah, so I’ve been thinking about... I have a name. I have... some things figured out. Um, and I’m excited. I don’t--I’m not putting it out there.

MARISHA: No, you can’t.

MATT: Keep it under wraps.

MARISHA: None of us have.

BRIAN: Don’t put it out there now.

ASHLEY: Pike is gonna be old and gray and, y’know, die in her sleep.

TRAVIS: I have no idea.

GIL: Pike the Second is what it is.

ASHLEY: It’s Pike the Second. Real original. But yes, I would like to play another class.

BRIAN: I’ll let Undercover Goth know.

TRAVIS: I’m gonna play a Paladin named Greg.

MARISHA: Yo, Greg.

GIL: Grog’s cousin?

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: Yeah!

BRIAN: Here we go. Last question. [long pause] Hold on, where’d it go.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Ashley, Marisha, Travis, Gil: a Wish spell goes awry and the world turns into a Super genre RPG. What are your characters’ superhero names?

MARISHA: In real life?

BRIAN: In real life.

TRAVIS: Arse Queef.

BRIAN: The world turns into a Super genre RPG.

GIL: The Void.

BRIAN: The Void! Gil the Voidsmith!

MARISHA: I have to go with Calamity Ray.

TRAVIS: Oh, that’s good.

BRIAN: Calamity Ray.

ASHLEY: Oh, god, that’s good. Okay, so we’re doing our own names.

MARISHA: Yeah. Playa name.

TRAVIS: Oh sit.

BRIAN: Tarvis?

TRAVIS: I’ll take my Xbox user gamertag.

BRIAN & TRAVIS: Meaty Albatross.

BRIAN: It means Willingham.

TRAVIS: Yep. I didn’t pick it for any fuckin’ reason other than that it was a suggestion and it looked stupid as hell.

ASHLEY: Oh, it was a suggestion?!

BRIAN: It was a suggestion! At a con or something, wasn’t it?

TRAVIS: No, like a previous username of mine, they were like you can’t, you can’t have that name.

BRIAN: Oh! ‘Cause that one was inapp-- yeah, that one was.

TRAVIS: It was a no-no. So they sent me like three suggestions--

MATT: What was your previous name?

TRAVIS: So my last name is Willingham and in my--in a drunken night of stupor I came up with “Raped Bacon.”

MATT: Oh wow!

GIL: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Instead of, like, “Willing Ham.”

MARISHA: “Willing Ham!”

TRAVIS: But it was great, because--

BRIAN: I did not think he was going to say that!

MARISHA: Holy shit.

GIL: Holy shit.

TRAVIS: So they came up with like Velvet Octopus 83, something else, and then Meaty Albatross.

ASHLEY: [laughing] Velvet Octopus.

MATT: Meaty Albatross was the--

TRAVIS: That one. That one. It’s so stupid.

MATT: Meaty Albatross is a pretty great name in general. Good band name. Good app name.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it is. It’s good.

MATT: New on iOS, Meaty Albatross.

TRAVIS: Yeah. And my superhero character will obviously have to have wings or something. And meat.

MATT: Very thick wings.

TRAVIS: Lot of, just--

MATT: Wings fuckin’ ripped.

TRAVIS: Giant ripped-out wings, but I’m like Ichabod Crane.

MARISHA: Instead of feathers, it’s just like bacon.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Ashley, what’s yours?

MARISHA: So you’re saying in the future you want to be the pig that flies?

TRAVIS: I’m okay with that.

MARISHA: That’s pretty great.

TRAVIS: It works.

BRIAN: The Void, Calamity Ray, Meaty Albatross…

ASHLEY: Gosh, I’m not good at thinking of these types of things!

BRIAN: Yes you are, you just need time. And we’ve got it, baby. Just kidding, we’re out of time.

MARISHA: Just kidding, we’re out of time!

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Max is over there like [makes wrap it up motion]. [To Matt] Do you have one?

MATT: I wasn’t asked the question.

ASHLEY: Yeah, you were.

MATT: I specifically wasn’t.

ASHLEY: You were not, but what would yours be?

MATT: Doesn’t matter, I wasn’t asked the question. That’s all we have for tonight folks.

MARISHA: Ohhh!

TRAVIS: Beautiful.

BRIAN: Toss to the next thing. What’s after us?

MATT: Uh.

ASHLEY: Oh, do it!

BRIAN: Nine PM.

MATT: Why is this my question?!

BRIAN: You just, you took over the show and decided to toss--end the show. You said that’s all the time we have. Tell them what’s next.

MARISHA: So now you have to.

ASHLEY: Do it! Do it!

BRIAN: Tell them what’s next. It’s right there.

MATT: Okay. [bewildered voice] Hey guys. Thanks so much for watching--

BRIAN: [responding to someone off screen] What? No, but it’s, we’re telling them to go back to Twitch. Give me that.

MATT: NO! IT’S MY SHOW! [bewildered voice again] Go back to Twitch and then at 9pm, there’ll be AXYB coming up at 9pm on Twitch after this show. Thank you for watching. [starts chewing on the card]

TRAVIS: I don’t know.

MARISHA: That was so good.

TRAVIS: That was rough.

MARISHA: Good at worldbuilding.

ASHLEY: Like a little kid.

MARISHA: You know what?

MARISHA: You’re good at worldbuilding.

GIL: What are words?

ASHLEY: What do I mean in these words?

TRAVIS: Just keep growing your hair.

BRIAN: Still better than the first episode of this show.

MATT: Oh yeah, well.

BRIAN: That’s all the time we have for tonight folks. What should we do? Should we read a bedtime story?

ASHLEY: Yeah!

BRIAN: Should we stay here? Should we go?

TRAVIS: There once was a mouse. He died.

ASHLEY: We could go.

BRIAN: Well guys. Guess this is a perfect time to announce...AXYB is back. Go over to Twitch and watch them now. We love you. Good night!

[all cheering]

[topfygad]

Catching up in Queensland | Nat Geo Traveller India

A two week street journey alongside Australia’s seatowns churns out untouched pure magnificence, and the time to bond with household.

  Byron Bay is a well-liked day journey vacation spot. Picture by: Chandni Doulatramani

My father known as me early this yr once I was in Banaras with a suggestion: A household street journey to Australia. I used to be caught off guard. Lower than three years in the past, my household, mates and I had pushed throughout New Zealand for 2 weeks. Now right here he was once more, at 73, expectantly asking me, “No cities, simply the countryside, like final time?” It sounded tempting and I stated sure.

Within the final week of Could, on the onset of winter within the southern hemisphere, I used to be off to Australia with my mother and father and youthful sister for 2 weeks. Our itinerary largely included a protracted and winding discovery of the Queensland coast by street. We have been heading to Australia to attend the housewarming occasion of my father’s finest good friend Ajit, who had bought a brand new dwelling in Townsville.

All my father’s mates determined to make a merry vacation out of it. Seven of us travelled (not collectively) from India, three together with Uncle Ajit, his spouse Auntie Helen, and their good friend Anthony from Hong Kong. Uncle Michael, who additionally lives in Townsville, travelled to Cairns to fulfill us. The eleven of us, of which my sister Chahna and I have been youngest, travelled in two vehicles: a white Ford Ranger pushed by Uncle Michael and the opposite a gray Toyota Kluger. We began north in Cairns and travelled down south, hugging our woolies a little bit tighter because it acquired colder.

  The Nice Barrier Reef

At Muddy’s in Townsville, the avocado eggs Benedict is a spotlight (high proper); The author’s household adopted a one-night-one-town itinerary (left); Magnetic Islandis a seashore lover’s prayer come alive (backside proper). Pictures by: Chandni Doulatramani

Cairns was among the many extra city locations alongside our route. The climate was nonetheless summery once we checked into our motel. Winter was alleged to be a couple of weeks away. Later that night, we gathered at Cock & Bull, a spacious pub with excessive wood ceilings, yellow lights, and enormous fish sculptures hanging from the ceiling. Between loud rock music and speedily downed beer pitchers, I felt emboldened to choose one thing adventurous from the menu and settled for the Roo& Croc Combo. The dish comprised a portion every of kangaroo and crocodile meat together with some fries and tartar dip. Kangaroo meat, harder than rooster, was a smidge chewy for my style. The croc slice, melt-in-my-mouth, was extra up my alley. Nonetheless, there was sufficient booze and cheer to clean away any nitpicking.

Subsequent morning, the gang launched into a uneven wind-beaten and wet catamaran experience for 40 minutes to Inexperienced Island, the gateway to the Nice Barrier Reef. The shimmering blue-green expanse of the reef, a pure mass of singular reef techniques embedded with attractive islands, is breathtaking. The older of us in our occasion weren’t going to snorkel or swim, so we took a glass backside boat tour the place the translucent flooring afforded a better view of the Reef’s various aquatic life. However its transcendent secrets and techniques solely reveal themselves if you snorkel, like my sister and I did, agape as kaleidoscopic shoals of fish swam previous us and over the inexperienced and orange-hued coral gardens.

Come morning, we made our manner in direction of Townsville, 4 hours from Cairns, making two pit stops in between: the primary at Murdering Level Vineyard on Mission Seaside, a family-run boutique set-up the place we tasted an assortment of tropical fruit wines, and the second at Vivia Cafe in Cardwell, the place we wolfed down crab sandwiches. Crab sandwiches are ubiquitous in Cardwell and there a plethora of cafés hawking them alongside the shoreline. As soon as we had scarfed down lunch although, the remainder of the journey remained uninterrupted, with my mother and father often dozing off like youngsters behind the automobile, as classic R.D. Burman songs filtered out of the stereo.

  Townsville & Magnetic Island

The lighthouse in Byron Bay is an efficient vantage level to identify dolphins swimming within the ocean (high left). Gold Coast presents each beachy enjoyable and a frenetic nightlife (high proper). The author snorkels alongside child sharks (backside proper). Byron Bay is backpacker central with surfers and busking musicians (backside left). Pictures by: Mel Longhurst/age fotostock/Dinodia Picture Library (lighthouse); David Wall/Alamy/indiapicture (nightlife); Chandni Doulatramani (sea); Pierre Olivier Signe/Panther Media/ Dinodia Picture Library (backpacker)

Uncle Ajit’s housewarming ceremonial dinner in Townsville was a rambunctious household shindig. Between chomping on pickled salmon and pork sausages, and consuming wine, we mapped our plans for the subsequent day. Within the morning, Chahna and I made for Magnetic (Maggie in native lingo) Island, whereas the remainder of the crew went croc-and-koala recognizing at Billabong Sanctuary. A 20-minute ferry experience from Townsville, Maggie Island is in a secluded portion of the Nice Barrier Reef. By the point we took the bus and hitched rides from locals to the island, we solely had time sufficient to discover three of its seven comparatively untouched seashores. In Florence Bay, we snorkeled alongside a child shark; in remoted Alma Bay, we sunbathed as if that slice of paradise have been our personal; and in Arthur Bay we noticed glowing corals within the calm, blue—and generally deceptively purple—waters. Though I didn’t realise it then, Maggie Island, an ethereal idyll of shapely boulders and cuddly marsupials, wouldn’t erase itself from my thoughts lengthy after the journey.

The following morning, we hit the street once more for Airlie Seaside, three hours south of Townsville. Within the serene seashore city with a busy marina, most guests frolicked by The Lagoon, which was a big neighborhood pool within the coronary heart of the city. By now, my sister and I have been charting our personal path, very like willful soloists in an orchestral symphony. So whereas the older members walked concerning the city window-shopping or café-hopping, we have been content material to laze round on a grassy patch close to the ocean. I snuggled up with a duplicate of Mark Haddon’s The Curious Incident of the Canine within the Evening-Time and shortly snoozed off.

When the gang moved on from Airlie Seaside to Mackay, our subsequent cease, we had accomplished almost per week on the street. I used to be experiencing the stirrings of monotony. The Queensland surroundings had begun to really feel predictable; there was no getting away from the sugarcane fields—in spite of everything, 95 per cent of Australia’s sugarcane is produced within the state. Instagramming by means of the countryside had additionally misplaced its attraction. At first the little tin-and-wooden homes appeared charming. Nonetheless, painted in forlorn lifeless colors, the containers not held my curiosity.

  Mackay & Bundaberg

At Mackay, our group was feeling the fatigue on account of our hectic one-night-one-town itinerary. As soon as once more, we have been utilizing Mackay and Bundaberg, a city seven hours from Mackay, to sleep in a single day. We determined to decelerate our tempo, making extra halts alongside the way in which.

A type of occurred to be at Lambert’s Seaside—15 minutes away from Mackay (coastal Queensland is strewn with virgin seashores)—for whale watching. Someplace alongside on the way in which, we bought a large dwell mud crab from an outdated girl who reared crabs by a pond subsequent to her home. On reaching Gold Coast, we dined at Jimmy’s Kitchen, a Chinese language restaurant run by a good friend of Uncle Ajit’s. Oh, and did I point out that the crustacean accompanied us to Gold Coast in an ice field?

The following night in Bundaberg was purposefully eventless. Dwelling to Australia’s standard darkish rum (the liquor and the town is also known as Bundy), it presents walks and rum-tasting experiences at its huge distillery, however our explorer personas had been worn out and we wanted to unwind. So we did simply that.

The morning after, we drove for 3 hours to achieve Noosa, a 900-square-kilometre resort city alongside the Sunshine Coast that resembles the French Riviera. With high-end shops on both aspect of the road, extravagant eating places and bars, white sandy seashores, and other people wearing excessive vogue, Noosa was not like our earlier stops. We spied a seashore marriage ceremony that appeared straight out the films, a teenage fire-juggler busking on Laguna Bay, and canoodling {couples}.

  Gold Coast & Surfers Paradise

Clockwise from high left: Queensland’s smaller cities have a laid-back, creative vibe to them, with tattoo parlours, flea markets and hip cafés; Cairns, one of many gateways to the Nice Barrier Reef, qualifies as a extra touristy location than the remainder of the stops; Condom Kingdom is a singular intercourse store on Surfers Paradise in Gold Coast; On the Billabong Sanctuary in Townsville, crocodiles and koalas are standard sightings. Pictures by: Norbert Probst/imageBROKER/dinodia photograph library (tattoo); Hemis/India Image (Cairns); Chandni Doulatramani (intercourse store); Ulla Lohmann/look/ Dinodia Picture Library (koala)

Leaving Noosa behind, we headed into our ultimate stretch. After driving for 3 hours, we reached Gold Coast for our final three days in Queensland. All this time spent gazing at pastoral panorama had whetted my urge for food for the town’s extra acquainted city beats. Our 11th-floor rented service house on Primary Seaside had a pleasant view of the blue-green ocean with white frothy waves gently rolling in and the glittering skyline. The winter chill had now set in, however we went swimming however. At this level, Chahna and I grew to become a separate occasion from the others, joined in our “younger individuals” adventures by an excellent good friend of mine from Sydney.

I used to be so able to play the vacationer, being offbeat be damned. So we took lengthy walks alongside the seashore and thru the market in Surfers Paradise, ate a burrito at Guzman y Gomez, a well-known eatery that serves Mexican delicacies, tasted bubble tea at Gong Cha and tried a martini with sweet floss on high at Home of Brews. On the morning of Day 2, we headed to Springbrook Nationwide Park, about 45 minutes from Gold Coast, and hiked alongside two trails for 4 hours. The primary path by means of the beautiful Gondwana Rainforests is full of canopies of myrtle beech and big eucalyptus bushes. We stood there like tiny blemishes on nature’s time-worn face, staring on the gushing waterfall with an unmistakable rainbow slicing proper throughout its centre. The water was roaring, drowning our voices. The second path, which is smaller however alluring, was within the Pure Bridge part of Springbrook the place the drive of water had lower by means of part of a cave to kind a bridge. Daylight streaming in by means of the water fashioned a turquoise blue rock pool. Every little thing was so nonetheless but throbbing with a cosmic connection that my good friend and I spent 30 minutes right here, meditating.

  Byron Bay

On our final day, we visited the hippy city of Byron Bay, about an hour from Gold Coast. Byron is a backpacker’s dream with musicians busking in alleys splashed with graffiti and younger youngsters browsing. Hipster cafés and yoga centres abound, as do handmade garment shops promoting shawls and crochet tops in delight colors, and artists portray out of caravans.

We meandered fortunately alongside the Cape Byron strolling observe that took us to the native lighthouse, the easterly level of mainland Australia, the place dolphins are sometimes noticed within the early hours of the morning. A drizzle had ruined any probabilities of us recognizing them however Byron’s easygoing buzz was sufficient. After the euphoria and adrenaline of fixed journeying, Byron was the candy bookend we wanted. I bid my good friend goodbye, promising to return quickly.

  Concord in Cacophony

Markets close to Byron Bay hawk every little thing from crop tops in delight colors and hula hoops to kitschy knick-knacks (high). The Springbrook Nationwide Park has two main trails, each of which take you deep right into a forested wonderland (center). Airlie Seaside, which has a marina, is a quiet seaside city excellent for ambling about (backside). Pictures by: davidhancock/Alamy/India Image (hula hoops); Auscape/UIG/Common Photos Group/ Dinodia Picture Library (forest); AdrianoK/shutterstock (metropolis)

Whereas our vacation had begun with the thrill of the unknown, we hadn’t thought of that some issues wouldn’t work in our favour. Half-way by means of this journey, I had begun to skip the meat pies that I relished each morning. I’m pleased with being the gourmand, however consuming Australian delicacies—barramundi, crabs, crocs and kangaroos—for days on finish throughout lunch, breakfast and dinner had develop into tiresome.

My mom, true to a Sindhi mother, had loaded her suitcase with Indian meals and I had taken to pilfering from that stash as a substitute. Solely firstly of our journey, we had quarreled like youngsters over whether or not there was any have to pack a lot Sindhi lola and papad when new flavours awaited us all through Queensland. However right here I used to be shamelessly embracing my internal desi.

Planning dinners had additionally develop into a raucous routine, the place totally different members couldn’t agree on the place to eat. I understood later, some issues will go my manner and a few gained’t. In my mother and father’ firm, I learnt to decelerate and never have a guidelines of issues to be finished. They might not maintain tempo with Chahna and I, maybe preferring to skip swimming round an island for one thing much less demanding.

The older of us in our gang have been cooler than I gave them credit score for. “Completely satisfied Hours” had develop into an on a regular basis affair with my of us, typically on the expense of sightseeing. In between fleeting sips of vodka and mawkish bites of papad, I realise that it wasn’t as a lot concerning the spots we’d lined or missed because it was about one another’s firm.

Queensland had gone previous me in a flash and I used to be fortunate that my mother and father had requested me to tag together with them. And regardless of my preliminary protests, the trove of Sindhi meals in our additional suitcase was over. My mom knew what she was doing all alongside.

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source http://cheaprtravels.com/catching-up-in-queensland-nat-geo-traveller-india/

[tauers-go-dutch]

Africa Part III: Safari, So Good

Following an incredible week in Cape Town (it’s rare we ever stay in one place for a full week when traveling, but Cape Town definitely kept us busy) we hopped on a late-night plane back to Jo-berg, slept another night in that airport hotel, then headed off on safari!

A van picked us up from our airport before the sun came up and we rode for what may have been forever to Kruger National Park, which is in the northeastern part of South Africa, stretching into Mozambique as well. The park spans 7,500 square miles, but we stayed in a very small portion for the following three days. We stayed in a little camp in a small town called Hazyview, and we were fortunate enough to have heat and running water, unlike some of the other safari-goers we’d come across.

Our guide, Robbie, greeted us at the park entrance, where he promptly took us to our hotel and told us to take a nap. Thank goodness! He was going to pick us up in a few hours along with another couple and we’d go for our first afternoon/sunset safari.

The rooms are a bit bigger here than in Europe...

The other two on safari with us happened to be a couple about our age from Amsterdam! Well, the guy was an expat from Turkey but the woman was 100% Dutch. They were both really great people, and we enjoyed spending our first half of the safari with them. We stayed in the park until sunset, then returned to the cottage for dinner. Now apparently it is usually just a standard restaurant on the grounds where you just order a meal for dinner, but we happened to be there at the same time as a massive church choir from… Pennsylvania? Somewhere out east. I’m pretty sure it was PA. So instead there was a huge banquet-style all-you-can-eat spread that would feed us plus all the animals in the park. We ate, shared a bottle of wine with Robbie and our new friends from Amsterdam while the church choir sang for their supper, and hit the hay with an alarm set for 3:45 am.

Here are photos from our first trip into the park, with the leopard being the obvious highlight!

The first of any different types of antelope

Not sure how anyone could ‘spot’ that from the road

A better view. We stared each other down for about five minutes before other groups started to pull up and she took off. 

Save the rhinos

Spooky

Unfortunately this is the best photo we could get of the hyenas we saw

We were up bright and early the next day so we could be in the park before sunrise. Early on we saw several giraffes, a few rhinos, and of course all different types of antelope. There was also an elephant parade in front of our Jeep complete with an adorable baby. At this point, Robbie received word that a momma lion and her cubs were peeking out of a big rock formation, so we headed that way. While we only go to see their noggins, the lions were what we needed to round out the Big Five. We had already seen the leopard, rhino, elephant and water buffalo!

Just twinning with the zebras

The start of an elephant parade...

Baby!!!

...and the rear!

Our Dutch friends left us after our morning safari, so after a quick afternoon nap we were out for one more round, this time just Robbie and the two of us. In a way it was just more of the same, but honestly it never got old seeing what I’ve always considered to be exotic animals just roaming freely in their natural habitat. That night was much like the first as well, way too much food and way too many teenagers!

Fortunately our wake-up call was a bit later the following morning, because instead of going out on safari, we were heading up into the mountains. By this time a real treat in the form of an only-slightly racist but all-around obnoxious mother-daughter duo from DC had joined us. No bother, we mostly tuned them out.

Our first stop was the Graskop Gorge in Mpumalanga, where we took a lift down into an indigenous forest. There were gorgeous waterfalls as well as a variety of birds and bugs. I’m not sure if we were there at the right time, because not a lot seemed to be flowering. The rest of the day just consisted of driving to different amazing views, including the aptly-named God’s Window. While the safaris were incredible, this day allowed us to really get to know our guide, Robbie, and learn more about what he does on the daily. I don’t think you could meet a nicer, more genuine person. He had the most incredibly infectious squeal of a laugh, and he was not afraid to let it out. He also asked us a lot of questions, and loved being able to piece together what life is like in other countries from the countless people he’s taken on safari over the years. He had even met some people from Colorado a few months prior, and he will go (come?) visit them this winter and go skiing for the first time ever!

Going down...

Into the forest I go to feed my mind and find my soul

Standing at God’s Window

The Three Huts!

Lisbon Falls

Robbie told us he is a full-time safari guide about ten months out of the year. The other two months he splits between holiday and volunteering for the army. When I asked him what he did for the army, jokingly guessing, ‘hunting poachers?’ his response was: ‘Yep. We shoot to kill.’ Holy crap man, I was joking! He was not. He also shared some anecdotes, including the time he and a buddy got drunk and dipped their toes in a pond, until a croc came and dragged his pal’s dog under. I know, I wanted to cry too. He also watched his buddy lose both of his legs (in two separate chomps) to a great white while surfing as a teenager. We received both of these stories because Ryan dared to ask him what he was most afraid of in the wild. Anyways...

After lunch in a small mountain village (still mostly tourists) we made our way down the mountain where Robbie took us to a reserve with a swamp full of hippos. In Kruger it was nearly impossible to get near the hippos, so it was really cool to sit as close as we did this time around. There were also some incredible birds. We had another crack at the buffet and went back to our rooms, because the next day was our final safari outing, and we had that early wake up call again.

Little bird

Big bird

Little bird and big bird

On our final morning we came across a hyena, which we were able to follow as it trotted down the middle of the road for probably close to a mile. Lion King be damned, those animals are absolutely gorgeous. Another elephant crossed our path as well, and as he was about to step in front of us, he grabbed a rather large branch with his trunk. I wondered if perhaps it was a weapon or defense mechanism, and Robbie confirmed, saying he picked it up to ‘show us who’s boss’. When he made it safely to the other side he thrust it back behind him, though fortunately not actually very close to us. The final morning went by too fast, and before we knew it we were being dropped off at the front gate of the park, where we waited for our shuttle to take us back to Jo-burg. Our flight to Amsterdam was that evening, where we only had one more day before our big move back home.

Big elephant, big stick!

Found Zazu! 

A pretty solid ending to an incredible two-year adventure. <3

Tot ziens, for now!