SEPT 24, 2023
“Things will get better.”
I hate that phrase. I hate it. I despise it. If I’m in a bad mood and someone says, “don’t worry, things will get better”
You can bet you’ve made my day worse.
“But, things will get better.”
…. Okay but what does that really mean? Your current situation will get better, or the whole grand scheme of life?
They should add some more words to that statement. Oversimplification is ignorant.
“But, things will get better.”
When? That’s what they told me 9 years ago after I failed to end my life.
If things are supposed to get better, how come they haven’t? Why do I continuously self-loathe and look forward to the day I take my last breath?
Maybe it’s a ‘me’ problem. That’s usually what they say it is. But I see it more as a “them” problem.
Because we fixate on this saying: “Things will get better”
but no one prepares you for what happens when things get worse.
- // conversation with myself //
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what could i say?
"sorry, i just don't feel good
again— i tried to keep these feelings away
but they snuck their way back in
i'm struck with dim dumb malcontent
when i look in the mirror
i cant help but to ask myself,
'what am i doing here?'
my quest for self-expression
is stifled by my pain. i cannot let you
in my home, until this demon's slain
i really hate to bother. i hate
i have to cry. i hate that i can't give myself
a single reason why
why do i feel lonely?
why can i not speak?
why, on me, did heaven choose
this havoc which to wreak?"
these questions breed no answer
while my lips remain sewn shut
i'll flip the lights and lay in bed
and
wait
until
dawn.
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Before I Drown
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TW: Mentions of death, and suggested suicide
I am not romanticizing anything! This poem is based off a phrase prompt I saw earlier today. The prompt was 'Before I drown.' If you relate to this poem in anyway, shape, or form please tell someone and know that you are not alone. You can also make anonymous calls to 988, the national suicide prevention line.
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Before I drown
Tell my mom I love her
That she deserved better
She was my tether
Helped me hold onto my little life I had
Before I pass
Tell my dad I love him
That he need more than me
He first brought me to the sea
Helped to swim through the chaos
Before I die
Tell my brother I love him
That I'm sorry I lied
My hands were tied
You helped me as I cried
But the world is wide
And you'll move on
Before I go in a fiery blaze
Tell my sister I love her
That I'm sorry I cried
I promised, I know
But you'll grow
And I'll see you down below
Before anything happens
Tell them they needed more
And I couldn't provide
I really did try
Though I was cast aside
Before I drown
Tell my mother I love her
That she deserved better
She was my tether
Helped me hold onto my little life
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will i always be this angry?
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In another universe I was happy
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My poems aren't very long
Neither is my life
I don't know how long i have
I promised
I promised
I promised
I said i'd be okay
But what if that was a lie
What if it only gets worse
As time passes by
I cry at night
At school
In the car
There's no where my tears haven't brushed
The snot becomes a mess
A mess i can't clean up
I want to die
Please just let me go
Please its too much
I know you don't really care
But please just this once
Pretend
So i can stay
You don't want to be the one responsible for my loss
Everyone is gone
What's the point
Far far away
She looks down upon me and watches
She sighs
Cheers
Crys
Pleads
All i do is disappoint
What will i do
When its been years
When still no one cares
When i have more scars than smooth skin
The pills look so good
No one would notice if i took some
Two
Five
Seven
Ten
Who cares?
Not you
Not me
Not her.
Who would notice my empty seat
Who would notice the empty thread
Who would feel a sense of dread?
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- love elizabeth s.
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maybe in another universe, I can ask for help when I need it.
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I’m okay.
it’s getting bad again
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I was a fucking idiot to think things would get better!!!
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on working even when it's not working
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maybe you weren’t the one for me but deep down I wanted you to be
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