#EVEN IF THEY STILL LOVE YOU. The aroace experience of knowing that one day they probably WILL have someone

[animeismyhappyplace]

My Deerest Darling

Synopsis: When Alastor's rut hits he needs someone he can truly trust to help him out, luckily for him Y/N just arrived at the Hazbin Hotel.

Set around episode 1 of Hazbin Hotel and may contain some spoilers for the series.

Word Count: 5K (5,045)

Trigger Warnings: 18+!!!

Platonic friends who share a close bond and care for each other, tiny pinch of angst at the start, possessive behavior, swearing, a deal is made, pet names (dear, darling), his demon form is here, marking and love bites, vaginal fingering, p in v sex, rough sex, porn with some plot, ambiguous ending I suppose 😜

Authors Note: I know that Alastor is AroAce canonically so I wanted to write this like he's in a stressful situation, one he can't really control, and chooses to experience it with a close friend.

I've never written an Ace character before so I hope I do him at least some justice ☺️.

I've taken the route, after a little bit of research, that over time he could form a sexual attraction if it was the right circumstances and he'd known the person for a very long time but it'd still be something that rarely happens.

Y/N walks down through the streets of Pentagram City frowning as she walks past more fires and explosions than she could count, she'd even had to side step past a bird looking sinner screaming about being doomed come the next Externation Day.

She was making her way to the Hazbin Hotel to see an old friend. She walks up the large wooden doors somewhat hesitant, it's been a long time since she last spoke to Alastor but more information was needed about Pride Ring's next steps given the recent news.

Giving herself a moment to calm the nerves drumming across her veins she takes a moment to smooth out her outfit and tuck any flyaway hairs back into place before giving the door a few sharp knocks.

She waits for a few moments with seemingly no activity inside the large hotel until she hears a gruff voice complain “... Why the fuck do I have to answer the door? Not enough that I'm already the fuckin' bartender…”

Her eyes widen as she instantly recognises the voice, almost laughing as a rather grumpy looking cat reluctantly answers the door “What the fuck do you wa...Y/N?”

Husk's wide yellow eyes stare at her his jaw basically hanging on the floor, the awkwardness of the situation making her rock on the balls of her feet nervously “Hey Husker, long time no see”

Y/N swallows the lump forming in her throat as she notices his body is still somewhat stiff “uhh didn't realise you were back in the Pride Ring”

The woman simply nods at his statement “came back when I heard the announcement ‘bout the angelic fuckers dropping on us faster than usual”

“Right…” he answers guardedly, his eyes looking her up and down, making her own drop to the concrete leading up to the hotel's entrance “is Alastor here?”

Husk clears his throat gesturing for her to come in while stepping aside, she gives him a tight lipped smile entering cautiously.

Her eyes flit around the room as she takes in her surroundings, her soft gaze settling on some portraits of Lucifer and his family. She gets so lost in thought she almost doesn't realise a certain demon is watching her with intrigue.

Static fills the air making her blood run cold as her eyes snap to the radio demon himself, Alastor.

“Well well well, you're certainly the last person I'd have expected to see here, my dear”

Nervously she wrings her hands together, unable to look at him as his red eyes bore into her face “can we talk?”

A wide smile spreads across Alastor's face as he stares at his old friend. His head tilts slightly as he looks her up and down with curiosity, his piercing red eyes glowing ominously as he nods.

"Why of course my dear~ come, let's find a quiet place to talk"

He turns his back on her as he gestures for her to follow him with a simple point of his long finger.

Y/N nods following silently, passing through a few vacant corridors before stopping at a room Alastor finally seems happy with.

He again gestures for her to walk in, letting her go first like the gentleman he is with a large smile on his face as he shuts the door behind them.

Turning to face her, he tilts his head expectantly waiting for her to speak but when nothing but silence fills the air he clears his throat "so to what do we owe this rare pleasure?"

A frown sets deep in across her forehead as she sighs "you needn't be so formal with me Alastor, we've known each other a long time..."

Rolling his eyes he clicks his tongue at her "yes, until you suddenly disappeared"

His eyes narrow as he spits out "how fun that was"

She visibly winches as his words cut at her heart, her head hanging in shame "I know... I'm sorry…”

Alastor's eyebrow raises as she explains herself. His eyes narrow slightly, a look of distrust glittering across his large orbs but it quickly fades as he watches her body language.

She's clearly uncomfortable at having to face him returning from an absence just as long as his own. He steps a bit closer to her, his movements are slow and deliberate as he meets her eyes curiosity getting the better of him.

"Hmm yes well I must ask..."

The corner of his mouth curls up into a predatory smile as his voice lowers with an air of menace in his words. "Where have you been hiding my dear?" He says in a low tone, hand grabbing at his mic.

She goes to speak but then notices his shadows beginning to move around the room, almost touching her legs as they surround her, raising her eyebrow at him she finally gives him the answer he's been looking for.

"Wrath, a friend of mine told me something very interesting. I'd be happy to tell you what they said, you know since we're so close" she smiles almost wickedly.

A hint of laughter escapes his lips at her words before he raises his eyebrows at her with genuine curiosity.

"Please do go on my dear~ don't leave me in such suspense" Alastor leans forwards resting on his mic.

A small chuckle leaves her lips at his rapid mood swing but she concedes nodding "while scavenging for weapons they found a body, a rather holy looking body wouldn't you say?"

She walks close to him, handing over a picture of a headless exterminator.

The Radio Demon stares down at the picture, his eyes widen as his smile broadens. His lips curl into a menacing grin as he slowly nods his head.

"Yes...I would indeed"

His eyes light up with interest as he raises his eyebrow, a curious glint sparkling in his cherry red eyes.

"Tell me my dear, how did the creature meet its gruesome end?”

A deep sigh of disappointment leaves her lips at his question, her arms folding in front of her stomach "ah that I don't know, my dear Alastor"

A wide smile stretches over her lips pulling tightly at her rosy cheeks "though I figure if anyone could find out what happened, it'd be you"

A small chuckle escapes his lips as he considers her words.

"Hmmm..."

He paces around the room, his long legs striding effortlessly with a soft hiss of static sounding with each step.

"Yes. That's quite possible indeed"

He walks over to her stopping just in front of her body and smiles, the glint in his eyes becoming more intense as his voice drops into a lower tone.

"I suppose could do a bit of investigating, for the right price of course~"

His long fingers curl over her hair patting gently as his hand settles on her head.

She turns her head to look up at him humming softly at his words "a deal? What'd you have in mind?"

A smug grin crosses his lips as he raises an eyebrow. In this moment, his presence is intense, his aura of power and danger surrounding her like a heavy blanket of shadows.

"Simple enough~"

He pauses before continuing in the same suave voice, his eyes narrowing as he leans down towards her face.

"I'll get all the information I can on the dead angel and you... will owe me one small favour to be cashed in any time of my choosing”

"Simple enough until I know what it is you want from me" a small pout settles across her lips as she thinks over his proposition and in the end she holds her hand out to him.

The aura in the room drastically changes. Green stitches appear along Alastor's mouth covering his sharp teeth, his eye colour changing to bright green, his pupils shifting to radio dials and his dark antlers growing in size curving around his head.

"Is it done?”

His demonic form disappears as quickly as it appeared. A chuckle escaped his lips as he reached out to gently stroke her hair humming almost softly.

"Good girl~ we have ourselves a deal"

His voice becomes more even as the quiet of the room returns.

"I don't suppose you could do me a favour? work your magic and convince that little princess you're helping to let me stay here?" she chuckles under her breath.

A sly grin spreads across the handsome demon's face as he chuckles softly. His eyes light up with mischief and he taps his mic as his voice softens.

"Why yes I believe I could. Come with me my dear and let's go see Charlie”

She smiles at the taller demon appreciatively as they begin walking to the door.

"Would it be strange for me to say I've missed you and your mysterious ways?" She asks with a small giggle falling from her lips.

A low chuckle escapes the demon as he teases her "how sentimental of you"

"Not at all my dear"

His eyes soften for a very brief moment and he's clearing his throat.

"Please. Follow me”

Charlie had accepted Y/N’s presence quicker than she'd expected but it worked in her favour so she hadn't questioned it much simply looking towards Alastor who shrugged his shoulders with his ever present smile spread across his face.

She worked hard to dodge Husk's probing questions during breakfast, anxiety rising until he'd finally dropped the subject after multiple prompts from Charlie and Vaggie.

Her worries now shifted to Alastor who'd been strangely quiet since they made their deal, his eyes darting around the room rapidly almost as if he was waiting for something.

She had decided to corner him in the afternoon after realising he'd spoken only twice so far all day, it was concerning to say the least.

She steadily ascends the winding stairs leading up to his radio tower, finding him hunched over the console, his back rising and falling rapidly as his breathing looked laboured.

“Alastor?” She asks with a soft tone.

As she speaks, his body jerks up with a sharp intake of breath. He straightens himself, and his breathing becomes more controlled as he turns to face her. Alastor's expression remains neutral but his eyes narrow as he stares at her.

"Yes my dear? What is it?"

His hands clenched into fists at his sides, his long claws digging into his skin as he continued to stare at her, still not quite meeting her eyes.

She stares at him for a moment brows knitting together in a small frown as she watches beads of sweat trail down his cheeks from his forehead "just wanted to check on you, you've been awfully quiet today"

Questioning eyes wander down until they stop at his clenched fists "you seem out of sorts"

He looks down at his hands as his breathing becomes slightly more erratic. His body seems to tense up as he realises she's watching him intently.

"No no I'm fine, probably just... the time of year"

His eyes narrow in annoyance glancing over her shoulder towards the large red door.

She doesn't seem convinced as she slowly moves closer "you sure? Cause you really do seem-"

She teaches her hand out to touch his forehead wanting to check his temperature 'can demons even get sick?' she wonders as his body reacts quickly, reaching out to grab onto her arm stopping her as his hand tightens its grip.

His skin feels hot to the touch, almost burning her skin as he holds her hand firmly, gripping it so tightly it almost hurts.

His breathing grows sharper as his eyes bore into her own, his ears flattening against his head.

"S-sorry Alastor, too close?" She whispers as she tries to pull away, fearing she's made him uncomfortable.

The demon seems to snap back to reality, eyes wide and blinking rapidly before letting go of her hand looking at her with a slightly irritated expression.

He doesn't reply, just shakes his head, pushing past her to grab his mic before storming away back to the hotel.

Y/N stands in the silent radio tower frozen in pure confusion at his actions.

She looks down at her skin wondering if there'd be a burn mark left behind from his touch but of course there wasn't, shaking her head she sighs before leaving the tower herself.

✨ Later That Day ✨

The next time she sees Alastor his behaviour is even more strange. She had been having a few drinks at the bar with Husk and Angel Dust, telling the friendly spider demon all about her early days as a sinner and how she'd managed to slowly befriend the standoffish overlord.

Alastor had entered the large space calm as ever, his eyes finding the trio quickly, red eyes narrowing at Husk as he handed Y/N a new drink, his hand momentarily brushing against her fingers but it's enough.

A loud and low growl rumbles in Alastor's chest as he storms over to the group, startling Y/N so much she jumps dropping the glass.

His long slender fingers wrap around her wrist as he pulls her off the bar stool and into his chest, his left arm winding around her waist in an almost protective manner making her yelp as her face is thrust into his chest.

Red eyes narrow at the two men as his pupils transform into radio dials, large antlers growing as his chest shakes with anger “ĐØ₦'₮ ₮ØɄ₵Ⱨ ⱧɆⱤ” black shadowy tentacles shoot out and grab onto Husk's red bowtie pulling him into the edge of the bar as the radio demons smile widens in demonic glee.

Y/N's hands grip onto Alastor's shirt tugging harshly “Alastor! Alastor STOP” she shouts trying to push him backwards to get his attention.

His body stiffens as the shadows recede dropping Husk onto the floor, his pupils changing back to their regular shape as his gaze shifts down to her body still pressed tightly against his own.

A look of panic crosses the demon's face as he pushes Y/N away from his body. His eyebrows furrow for a moment before he's stalking out of the room, slamming the door as leaves. Y/N's breaths are shallow as her heart thunders in her chest.

“Uh what in the fuck was that?” Angel asks incredulously while helping Husk to his feet, his eyes flicking between her and his friend.

“I-I don't know… I've never…” her mind is racing as she tries to think back to their many years of friendship but she'd never seen him act that way before and it scared her.

Without realising her feet are moving to follow in his footsteps, she needs to find out what was going on.

She searches all around the hotel but doesn't find a single trace of her friend. Giving up and finally trudging back to her bedroom for a much needed rest, she kicks the door open, not even bothering to shut it before flopping face first onto her bed.

Her temples are pulsing wildly with pain at the headache she's given herself trying to figure out Alastor's strange actions, her fingers rub deep circles against her head making her groan until the sound of her door slamming shut makes her jump up so quickly she almost falls off her bed.

The door slams with a rather loud bang showing Alastor walking further into the room, a small smirk playing on his lips as he steps toward her.

"Đīđ Ī ꞩȼⱥɍē ɏꝋᵾ đēⱥɍ? You should really be more careful leaving your door open like that anyone could walk in"

His eyes darted over her body as sweat drops from his fringe to the floor, his cheeks flushed a pretty shade of red matching his hair.

"Alastor? What's going on? You're not acting like yourself" she shifts backwards on the bed until her back hits the headboard, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

Alastor continues to walk towards her with an unsettling grin plastered across his face.

"Ah...You're quite right about that my dear, it's that time of the year for me unfortunately."

In a sudden move, he's leaning over her, placing a hand underneath her chin gripping it tightly.

He is so close to her now she can feel his warm breath on her cheeks.

"That time of year?" She asks confused, her eyes looking up to watch his facial expressions.

Alastor leans in closer resting his forehead against hers as their breathing synchronises.

"Mating season my dear, I'm in rut"

Shock paints across her face as she starts to stutter ‘rut? As in…’

"I-I thought you didn't usually like se-”

His voice is low, breathing laboured as his breath tickles her skin causing her cheeks to heat up at the close contact.

"you're right I don't usually enjoy... physical touch... but my instincts are becoming too difficult to control"

His body almost trembles as his claws grip her bed sheets "you're one of oldest and closest friends my dear if it's going to happen... I want it to be you"

She shakes her head slightly as he rests his nose against her own "don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or make you do something you'll regret"

"I'm slowly losing my mind here dear"

The demon pushes her back as his voice drops to a whisper.

"I've managed to resist as much as possible but it physically hurts"

He raises his hands slowly to brush her fringe away revealing her forehead as he almost nuzzles against the soft skin.

"please..." he pleads as his voice cracks.

Her eyebrows furrow unsure if this is something he actually wants.

"Only if you're sure Alastor, I don't want..." she whispers slowly, lifting her hand to push the soaked hair away from his eyes.

Alastor shakes his head, growing frustrated and desperate.

"I want this. I need this"

His voice trembles with desperation as his body shakes, the heat coming from his body almost burning her own as she attempts to soothe him.

"Be a doll darling and help me…”

"Okay" she whispers, hands trailing down his cheeks to rest on his jaw as she tugs his face down ever so slightly to brush her lips against his in a feather light kiss.

Alastor tries to hold back, tries to be gentle with her but he's feeling so needy his body has a mind of its own, his fingers grasping at her arms pulling her body close to his own

A whine leaves her lips as his body dwarfs her own, pushing her down onto her back. Her hair is splayed out over her pillows as his large body leans over her own.

His breath becomes ragged as his body reacts to their close proximity. His hips rock forward, the growing tent in his pants pressing against her body and causing her cheeks to flush brightly.

"You're body is so soft my dear"

His voice breaks as he trails kisses along her neck, his large sharp teeth nipping at her throat moving down to her collarbone.

Alastor can't help but groan as his heated body touches hers, need drumming through his veins as he rocks his hips into her body showing her how desperate he is for release.

His long fingers have her hands pinned down so he has full control.

His tongue slips out to softly lick the underside of her collarbone, his breath hot against her skin as he moves one hand to grip her own, his claws sinking into her flesh.

His mouth leaves her neck as he trails kisses along the side of her nose, neck and cheeks before finally settling back on her lips, his breathing growing heavy.

Once satisfied he pulls back, tearing off his red blazer jacket throwing it somewhere to the side before starting on his bow tie and shirt letting them land beside his jacket.

With his heated chest exposed Y/N uses the opportunity to let her fingers explore, they trail over his pecs to his sides before travelling upwards to his neck pulling his body back to her own.

Alastor lets out a low groan as his body reacts to her hands, his breath growing deeper as she moves her hands over his body.

His claws bite into the bed sheets causing small rivets to appear in the fabric.

"Dear" He mutters as his voice breaks

"I don't think I can resist much longer…”

Her slender fingers move quickly, lifting her shirt over her head and throwing it off to the side. Next she unclips her bra sighing in relief as cold air hits her nipples.

She gives Alastor a small smirk as she sees his eyes raking over her bare body.

Alastor's pupils contract as she removes her clothing, he takes in every inch of her exposed body as he watches her movements with an intense gaze.

His eyes trace her curves, looking her up and down with a look of approval before he opens his mouth to compliment her, his voice cracking.

"You've got to be one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever seen"

A low possessive growl leaves his throat as he uses his clawed fingers to shred her skirt, throwing the pieces on the floor.

"Mine”

She nods whimpering softly, trailing her hands down her body rubbing over her nipples then moving down to her panties.

She pulls them down and throws them off to the side, spreading her legs for Alastor to see how soaked she is, her small fingers rub small circles against her clit as Alastor's hungry eyes watch every moment.

A growl leaves his chest again as he watches her fingers move over herself spreading the wetness over her folds, his breathing rapidly increasing as she toys with herself.

"So adorable..."

His words leave his lips as low rumbles as he stares at her body, his jaw growing tighter and the muscles in his body tensing as he watches her with such a hungry look.

Alastor moves his hands to her thighs spreading them impossibly wide so he can slide between them and better watch her movements, tongue peaking out to lick over his lips.

Having Alastor's dark eyes watching her makes her heart thud rapidly in her chest, tilting her head back as she enters two fingers into her dripping pussy.

With her head tilted back Alastor can see every mark he's left across her neck making his hands clench down on her thighs possessively.

Alastor's eyes flicker between the marks he's left on her skin and her wet heat.

His fingers are digging into her thighs as he watches her with hunger, Alastor's breath catches in his throat as he watches her movements, his teeth gritting with each thrust of her fingers.

"Need a taste…”

Wrapping his fingers around her wrist he pulls removing her fingers from her body, groaning as he watches her slick dripping from her fingers.

He moves quickly, pulling her fingers forward and into his waiting mouth, his tongue lapping at the digits with a moan as he tastes her juices.

Alastor grunts in approval as his tongue laps at her fingers, his chest heaving as his body reacts to her taste.

"More..." he grumbles greedily before his teeth drag along the soft skin of her hand as his tongue continues to lick away at her juices.

His body is growing more desperate for release, his breath becoming more shaky.

Watching the demon almost devour her fingers sends fresh need throbbing through her body as she whines "need you Alastor"

His lips curl into a cruel smirk as he lets her hand drop to the bed.

"So eager~"

He grins leaning down over her body making sure his growing length is pressed against her bare body, his eyes growing hot as he meets her gaze.

"I'm going to make you scream darling"

His voice is heavy with desire as he starts to lean in for a kiss.

Y/N reciprocates his kiss greedily as her own need grows, her hands drop to his pants tugging them down along with his boxers, finally releasing his length as a long moan leaves his lips.

Her fingers wrap around his dick, moving her hand down his length feeling it throb in her hand.

The demon's eyes roll back in his head as he feels her warm hands wrap around his length, a groan rumbling deep in his throat. He arches his back into her touch, his hips bucking slightly as she begins to stroke him “don't be a tease now dear”

Alastor growls low in his throat, thrusting his hips forward as he feels the tight heat engulf him causing them both to moan loudly as he fills her to the brim.

His fingers curl around her legs wrapping them around his hips as he starts to thrust into her.

Y/N's eyes roll back as Alastor sets an almost bruising pace, her arms looping around his head to keep her steady.

Her breaths come out as little hiccups as Alastor's thrusts push her further up the bed.

The demon's thrusts grow harder and faster, his hips slamming against hers as he takes her with a feral growl. His monocle slips from his eye, clattering to the floor as he loses himself in the primal need to claim and breed.

His hands reach out to grip onto the bed, his claws sinking into the mattress as the pleasure overwhelms his body.

Sharp nails nip into the skin of Alastor's neck as he pounds into her, her head tipping back burying into the pillows as all thoughts fly out of her head.

"A-A... Al..." her soft moans are muffled as his head dips to press needy kisses to her lips.

His growl vibrates throughout his body as he feels her nails dig into his skin, her voice sending shivers down his spine.

He bites down on her lip, his tongue flicking over the wound, licking up the blood he's drawn as hunger claws at his chest.

Alastor's rough and fast pace starts to rock the bed against the wall, every thrust causing the bed to shake. Her moans and whines increase in volume.

His hips slam into hers over and over again, his cock buried deep inside her as he takes what he wants.

“Look at my good girl, taking me so well…”

With a feral growl, Alastor picks up the pace even more, his hips slamming into hers in a primal rhythm. His eyes wild with lust and possession as he takes her, his body trembling as he tries to control his demonic strength.

"QɄłɆ₮ ĐɆ₳Ɽ, your sweet sounds are for my ears Ø₦ⱠɎ”

Alastor's deer-like ears twitching madly as they react to each sound that leaves her throat.

Y/N's so lost in the pleasure the demon is giving her that she doesn't realise the long dark antlers that have started to sprout from his red locks.

Her eyes squeezed shut with her hand slapped over her mouth as she attempted to quieten down her noises.

Y/N's muffled whines pitch in volume as pleasure courses through her veins.

"A-Al... 'm c-close" she whimpers, pulling his body down to hers, pulling him so close his chest is slotted against her own.

Her fingers slip between their bodies to rub tight circles against her swollen clit, her walls clenching down on Alastor's cock as her thighs shake against his bucking hips.

Alastor feels the pleasure building within him, his body tensing as he reaches his climax. His eyes squeezed shut as he thrust harder into her one last time, his hot seed filling her up with each thrust.

Feeling Alastor come undone and throb against her walls sendings her over the edge, her body stiffening as she cums hard with Alastor's cock bullying her sweet spot.

Almost instinctively as he's climaxing Alastor buries his face in the crook of Y/N’s neck, licking a long stripe up the sweaty skin before his long sharp teeth sink into the soft supple skin. He keeps his teeth in place until she's finished cumming on his cock, finally pulling away he licks up the blood that slowly weeps out of the holes. He's smirking proudly while looking at the marks that are scattered across her upper body.

She's panting hard, her fingers trailing up to her neck to feel the marks Alastor has left behind as she's held close to Alastor's body, they stay slotted together until both of their breathing starts to settle down.

As their breathing slows, Alastor opens his eyes to look down at Y/N, a satisfied smirk on his face. He leans in to place a gentle kiss on her forehead before pulling out of her with a soft pop, flopping down on the bed beside her.

Y/N turns to lay on her side, head propped up on her hand as she watches his face.

"Feeling better?" she can't help but giggle as his head turns to look at her.

"Much," he replies with a chuckle, humming as he runs his fingers through his hair, smoothing it down. He glances back at her and smirks "for now”

He chuckles softly, enjoying her wide eyed reaction to his words. His long arms reach out cradling her to his body as he strokes her hair "come rest for now dear, you're going to need it”

She gulps as he smiles at her deviously.

Back in the main seating area of the lobby the group sat together looking thoroughly traumatised at hearing the pairs… activities.

Sir Pentious is covering the ears of his little egg boys, Angel has a knowing smirk on his face watching as Husk shakes his head muttering curses under his breath, Nifty thankfully is nowhere to be seen and Vaggie is holding Charlie close as Charlie's eyes are wide, her mouth dropped open in shock.

The room is eerily quiet, no one daring to break the uncomfortable silence until Charlie clears her throat “at least they're done now, right?…” She looks to Vaggie for moral support as Angel Dust bursts out laughing "who knew tall, dark and creepy could fuck" He's holding his stomach and shaking his head as he walks to the bar.

Banner by @/saradika 🫶🏻

[queer-for-science]

One of my closest friends I aroace, and he's talked to me about the experience of being made to feel like he's missing out on something or getting left behind in a way when his loved ones enter romantic relationships. But it really hit home for me how much he deals with and expects this recently when I started dating someone new after being single for a few months and I wanted to share.

During the months I was single, we got a lot closer and we both relied on each other more to have our needs for love fulfilled. For example, we both have physical touch as a primary love language, so we did a lot of platonic physical affection and cuddling. We became main supports in each other's lives even more than before. But the day I told my friend about my new partner and my friend met him, he seemed to kind of instantly back off a bit. He and my partner get along really, really well too. He mentioned that he didnt expect my partner and I to make the hour drive to visit him as often because "it's not like the nature of y'alls relationship". I'm having difficulty explaining, but it was apparent that my friend expected to be taking a back seat to this new relationship in my life despite the fact that I know my friend way better and that broke my heart a bit. I immediately thought, how many times has he had to deal with that? How many beloved friends has he lost to this situation? That must be so horrible to go through! I still very much consider him one of my closest supports and while I know it would never be a necessary choice I would absolutely choose him over a partner I haven't had nearly as much time with. I really want to find a way to tell him that he isn't any less of a priority to me just because I'm not single anymore and I think it's important for us alloromantics to remind our aro and aroace friends of things like that. It's even more important to stick to that statement and show them we mean it.

My aroace friends, you deserve people in your life that prioritize you and engage in the kinds of intimacy you need. You deserve just as much closeness and love as anyone else and you will find it if thats what you want. You don't deserve being put on the back burner when your loved ones get into new romantic relationships and it's really shitty that so many people do that.

[gunpowdertimdrakestoker]

Growing up, I loved being a girl. I loved dresses and skirts and the plastic high-heels and wearing mums makeup and wearing nail polish. I loved being a little princess and being a little girl.

When I was 12, I met my best friend. They then identified as a trans boy. They introduced me to the idea of being queer.

I came out as bi shortly after, thinking I had a crush on them. My parents were incredibly supportive and even supported looking further into my sexuality and my coming out as a lesbian.

But my friend also introduced me to the idea of being trans. I was 12 when I was looking into a mirror and deciding I hated my breasts. I didn’t know what to feel. I was scared of being a boy and everything that came with it. I decided I was nonbinary.

The four years following involved me exploring my sexuality and gender. Bi, pan, lesbian, aromantic. Nonbinary, demigirl, demigender, genderfluid, genderqueer. Never truly accepting that I could be a boy.

It hit me in the middle of a dream. My brother called me his brother and I had this “oh” moment. Oh, I’m a trans man. Not transmasc, not sometimes a boy. A trans man. And as a trans man, the lesbian label no longer made me comfortable. I looked deep into myself and found myself unable to authentically see myself dating a man or a woman. Aroace.

I’m an aroace trans man.

It’s taken four years of confusion, name changes and experimentation to come to this conclusion. For some it can be a couple of months. For some it can be years longer. Some people never figure it out.

No matter how long it takes you to come to terms with your identity, you are valid. It doesn’t matter if you keep changing your name every couple of weeks or months, I know I did, and I still might. It doesn’t matter if you change your label every day. It doesn’t matter if you never label yourself.

You are valid. Your experience is valid. Your identity is valid.

I see you. And I love you.

I’m still not certain on my identity but that is part of growing and changing as a teenager. I’ll get there one day. And you will too. No matter your age or experiences. I believe in you.

[radios-universe]

Thought for the day: how do you define love?

this is a fun thought for the day to answer as someone who is aroace.

as someone who cannot experience romantic attraction, i have searched far and wide for an explanation of what love is 'supposed to feel like'. because i know that whatever it is, in its romantic definition anyway, i cannot feel it.

i've never been able to find an answer for that question. 'you think about them/want to be with them all the time' ... well i enjoy my friends' company but i wouldn't say i'm collectively in love with all of them.

even just the top google results when you search about it:

all of these points can be perfectly platonic to me!!!

point is, i have no idea what being in love romantically is and how that is ever supposed to be defined - which always leads to me being confused on why couples take so long to say 'ily' to each other in tv shows.

love, to me; in my brain, is a word that has always been hard for me to detach from a romantic definition. sure, i understand that love is beyond romance as you can love friends as family, but so many things in media taught me for so long that romantic love is vastly more important and much bigger of an experience than platonic love could ever be.

and really, at this point in my life, i'd disagree. yes, maybe still i'd kill to know what it feels like to crush on someone, to get butterflies in your stomach or... however it feels to experience romantic attraction... but i have made a connection which absolutely covers every single one of those bulletpoints up there and more. without either of us having feelings towards another.

now, by society's standards, we're not in love. we're not in a romantic relationship, we don't have feelings towards each other in that way and never will. but how come i'm ticking off every single one of those points? agreeing with how love is defined?

love, to me, is finding home in another person. finding comfort and finding normality. being able to be yourself, and to feel a sense of belonging. not only is it wanting to be with a person all the time, but it is the feeling that you can just exist together, to the extent where you may as well be by yourself. but you're not :]

i love you m. though i struggle to say it, i wish it would come easier to me <3

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

I'm aroace but somehow monsters can get me hot and bothered? It's probably because it's fantasy so I feel a bit removed from it, but it's nice either way. The thing you're doing with your blog is also really cool.

A plant monster who keeps a garden/forest, miles and miles of carefully, beautifully cultivated greenery with their own vines and flowers spread throughout, and one day you make the mistake of wandering in to this unearthly beautiful and completely animal-less place, and you know, they've been looking for a pretty new flower to add to their garden.

And you are so pretty, especially when you're being fucked open, flushed face and teary eyes as you contort in terrible, inescapable pleasure. And you're so good and quiet for them, you've always gone nonverbal under stress, with only cute little panting whines to interrupt the sanctity of their garden.

Sometimes they put together a human form, just for you, and you shake apart in a different way when held by firm hands and kissed by green lips than when you're held tight by vines with every hole pumped full.

They let you go, sometimes, only not really, because you could travel for miles and they'd still be in every tree and blade of grass, and you learned that very quickly. So instead you go to the river and wash off your cum and the sticky, sappy stuff the monster is fond of pumping you full of (you don't try to get it out of you, or to remove the soft plug that keeps you stuffed full. You only made that mistake once). You pick some berries even though you're never as hungry as you should be and curl up in a small cave, hoping the lack of greenery will keep them away. But later that night you wake up burning, trembling with it, and you knew you shouldn't have eaten anything of theirs even if they never poisoned you before, but now the aphrodisiac is burning it's way through your veins and you don't even have the strength to try to take care of yourself, forced to just lay there and sob silently.

And they just leave you there, shaking and alone. Because this thing doesn't even care about sex the same way a mammal would, they're just interested in the way your face scrunches adorably in pained pleasure and how your fingers twitch like they don't know what to do with themselves and the clenching of your thighs against the ground. So they just leave you there to watch, because you're their flower, part of their beautiful, perfect garden, and you're so lovely right now, how could they interupt?

But then, just when you think it's over and the aphrodisiac is leaving your system, a vine sneaks into your little cave and drags you out by your ankle, another already slipping into your pussy. There are more berries at your lips, the same as you ate before, because the monster got to see what you look like alone and now they want to see how you fall apart when you're full of them and nothing else.

And overtime, you know you should be dying. You haven't been eating or drinking or sleeping enough, but instead your skin turns green and not even starvation can save you. At the very least, your emotions should be dimmed, broken by the experience of (months? years?) of this, but if anything everything feels stronger, more immediate, and your tears come more easily because you are just a flower in their garden and every good gardener knows how to make sure a plant grows in exactly the right way, and this monster wants you beautiful and bright and weeping.

And maybe some day that sap they stuffed you full of will catch, and you'll swell up with baby monsters ready to inflict themselves upon the world and at that point you'll know:

There is no escape. From the moment you stumbled into the garden, you were theirs.

.

[notquiteaghost]

sometimes you write and post minecraft youtuber fic in 48 hours and that's so valid. smalletho hc10 get-together ft. it/its for etho, me drawing a subtle line btwn etho and xb and how they are the Same Dang Guy, do NOT do polycule negotiations like this at home, and aroace people can experience love at first involuntary soulmate-bonding too, as a treat

The start of a new season is always busy. There’s mining to do, and farms to build, and enchantment set-ups to construct, and no one knows where any of the rarer resources are yet. You have to decide where you’re basing, what that base will look like, if you’re setting up a shop as soon as possible or not. There’s a lot.

So Etho isn’t avoiding Joel.

Joel didn’t go on the group mining expedition, and then Etho ran into Gem and realised oh, right, Gem wasn’t on Vault Hunters and Etho really missed her, actually, so then it spends a while with her. And obviously then it has to see Iskall, and then it’s dead so it has to worry about that, and Grian sucks it into his whole fishing thing, and it kills Pearl but then it’s building a creeper farm. Because one thing about the early game it never misses is cutting down trees by hand.

And then Pearl asks how feasible it would be to set up a mailing system, and there’s maybe a few days there where Etho only leaves the nether to sleep.

So yeah, okay, maybe it’s been weeks now and it hasn’t even seen Joel yet. That’s a completely normal thing to have happened, it hasn’t seen several people, Bdubs can quit it with the pointed comments already. Joel knows where it is and he hasn’t come over either.

But then he does come over. And he leaves that note, about taking Etho’s gunpowder, and leaving the banners, and that’s. Fine. That’s fine! Bdubs does not need to physically drag it over to Joel’s base! That would be completely unnecessary, because Etho will get over there soon! Once they’ve fixed more of the mailing system’s bugs, and once Demise is wrapped up, and all the traps are disarmed, and yes the mailing system could take weeks and yes everyone basing on the mountain has been out of Demise for weeks already but shut up. Wasn’t Bdubs going to terraform or something.

Bdubs goes to terraform, leaving Etho by itself at its base. Which is what it wanted. It has building to do, while it waits for Tango to get back from Zedaph’s. Its house still doesn’t have a proper back.

Its house still doesn’t have a proper back, some amount of time later, when Joel appears over the hill.

Read the rest on AO3 here

[gaybae1021]

Day 12: Is this love?

Aka, a Garrance lore dump!

Garroth was assigned to help Laurance get acquainted with Phoenix Drop during his recovery from the nether. Aph thought it would be good for Laurance to have someone else to talk to aside from her and Zoey, and thought him and Garroth would get along due to their shared guard experience.

Laurance is pretty down during their first few meetings, but he starts to perk up as his health improves, and he grows more trusting of Garroth guiding him through the village. It doesn’t take long for Laurance to start flirting with him, though Garroth writes it off as him just being friendly, even as he’s lowkey reciprocating the advances.

During one of their “totally platonic outings” Laurance opens up about his past: He was born in O’Khasis, and had no memories of his birth parents because they were arrested when he was a baby. He spent a few years in an O’Khasis orphanage, but quickly transitioned to living on the streets, experiencing first-hand the struggles and cruelty O’Khasis hid from the rest of the region. It’s why he’s so slow to trust; after having no one to rely on but himself for so many years, it’s difficult to be so reliant on others while he adjusts to blindness.

Garroth, while not revealing everything (for obvious reasons), also opens up; he had run away from home because he didn’t like the person his family was pushing him to be, and he’s still struggling to be his own person.

When Garroth drops him back off at his home, Laurance kisses him on the cheek before going inside.

(Old art, didn’t feel like redrawing the scene)

Garroth.exe has stopped working.

Garroth avoids Laurance the next few days. He feels awful about it, but he can’t pin down how he’s feeling, and he feels talking to Laurance would just make it more confusing. Eventually, he gets frustrated enough to go and talk with Aphra:

G: I need to ask you a question.

A: Sure? Go for it.

G: Hypothetically, if someone kissed you, and afterwards you felt like you were gonna throw up, what does that mean?

A: …like throw up from disgust, anxiety, or butterflies?

Garroth shrugs.

A: Irene help us. Come inside.

It takes a long conversation with some input from Zoey (Aroace Aph is somewhat limited in the advice she can give), but they eventually get to the root of the issue:

G: I didn’t have a say in anything growing up. Everyone just told me what to do, told me what I wanted, and I went along with it. I thought I was finally getting better, but it’s like I’m still waiting for an approval that doesn’t exist anymore! I’m so confused, I can’t even tell what I want.

A: Well, that might be a good thing to tell Laurance. It’s okay to be confused, but it’s not okay to just ignore him while you work through this. You should let him know how you’re feeling, even if you’re not sure the feelings match.

Garroth goes home to think a bit more before leaving to find Laurance. When he opens his door, Laurance is already standing there, about to knock.

L: I just wanted to say sorry for the other day. I feel like I crossed a boundary, I should have asked before trying that.

He talks faster, clearly flustered.

L: I thought we were on the same page, but I guess I’ve never done this without being able to see so maybe I misjudged how comfortable you were, and either way I’ve really liked talking to you and I don’t want things to be awkward so if you just want to pretend it never happened I’d be fine with that-

…

G: Please? For real? I need to know.

[our-arospec-experience]

I realized I was ace when I was about 13/14, when I knew I was supposed to have crushes and just… did not care. Then I found the term ace and I had the whole coming-to-terms-with-being-queer thing but ultimately I accepted and embraced that about myself fairly quickly.

Realizing I was aro, however… I had such a hard time with that. I grew up obsessed with Disney princesses and daydreaming about a wedding (mostly for the dress, dancing and cake 😂 Never the actual spouse, they were just a prop to my fantasy and dance partner lol!) Took me years after realizing I’m ace to discover aromanticism, and my initial reactions were confusion and arophobia. Then I accepted it as a reality for other people, but not for me. I played with being demi-heteromantic (because surely I’d find someone one day! just like Ariel and Erik/Giselle and her Prince/Snow and Charming/etc., I just hadn’t met him yet!)

Finally at 17/18 I played with different labels (aroflux, gray-romantic, back to demi-romantic…) until I just started calling myself arospec. It wasn’t until my twenties that I finally, FINALLY, accepted myself as fully aromantic. Accepting that I’m still super femme and still enjoy love stories and love lots of things deeply (though I’m looking into loveless-ness and quite intrigued by it…)

But all this to say:

It was so much easier to realize I was ace than to navigate my very bumpy road of aro-phobia and self-acceptance. Even now, it feels like I’m in a weird spot for how my femininity intersects with my aromanticism. I love my femininity, but a large part of the ideas of femininity I was fed as a girl and what womanhood seemingly is now are all tied up in romance (mostly heterosexual romance). It’s like society doesn’t know how to define womanhood when it’s not based around attraction to men.

Do any other aros or aroaces feel this same way, about coming to terms with being aro or being an aro woman, or both?

I see a lot of stories where people always knew they felt indifferent or appalled by romance but my experience was very different, and I do think gender norms played a large role in that.

I definitely agree. A huge part of my own journey was accepting that no one would ever walk me down the aisle. As an aro woman (kinda), I had this whole thing of being supposed to have a husband I had to get over. I hope you’ve learned to accept yourself, and remember you are always valid :)

[antebunny]

So there's a subgenre of fics in the Harry Potter fandom wherein a person conceived while one of their parents is under the influence of a love potion will become aroace at birth. The origin, afaik, are two insidiously awful decisions of JKR combining: 1) she reinvented date rape drugs/roofies aka love potions, without realizing it I guess, and 2) she said that Voldemort was asexual, because she's never seen a marginalized identity she didn't spit on.

Since Merope Gaunt (Voldemort's mother) used a love potion on Tom Riddle Sr. (Voldemort's dad) I guess people got the idea that what if love potions caused asexuality? And asexuality + aromanticism, of course, meant evil. Here's an excerpt from one of those fics in which Bill Weasley explains being aro/ace to Hermione:

[Image ID]

"No. I just dated because that was what you did. I never really felt anything for them. A few kisses, plenty of hand-holding. I made out in a few broom closets, and had one very uncomfortable make-out session up the top of the Astronomy Tower that I eventually ended by pretending I heard Filch coming past on a patrol. I even tried making out with a guy once in case that was it–nothing. I never told mum about that, of course. Good wizards don't shame their families like that."

"There's nothing wrong with being gay, you know."

He shrugged. "It doesn't apply to me anyway. I'm not gay. I wasn't anything, and I was trying to accept that and be content with it. It was good enough. Until I met Fleur." His eyes lit up with joy as he spoke about her.

[Second Image ID]

"Look, the point is with her allure from being part-Veela, I love her. Like I can never love anyone else. I don't want to lose that. You don't understand what it's like to go through life feeling nothing for anyone else. I've dated people I said I cared for, but I wouldn't have died for them. Well, out of logical choice I might risk my life, but not from love. But I would die for Fleur. Do you understand? She makes me a better person. I would do anything to make her happy. I'm not alone in the world anymore."

She nodded slowly. "I see." It wasn't so much him manipulating Fleur, as him permitting her to manipulate him. Into feeling. "I didn't realise it could be that bad." She still thought he should confess, but it didn't sound like he was hurting Fleur–he really did love her.

[End Image ID]

I read this fic years ago, and at the time I genuinely had not thought about my sexuality at all. I would've never called myself aro or ace. Still, reading this felt like being repeatedly punched in the face. I kept on waiting for Hermione to say something similar to what she said after Bill made a homophobic comment. After all, she went out of her way the first time, didn't she. Instead, what I got was essentially:

Bill: I don't usually feel romantic or sexual attraction. So there's something wrong with me.

Hermione: Yeah lmao. But there's nothing wrong with being gay!

I've been (reading) on Ao3 since 2016, and in all that time I've seen plenty of subtle racism, sexism, etc. But I've never seen anything as plainly stated as this. To this day I have yet to hear any aro/ace people describe the experience of being aro/ace in any of the following ways: "How could I forgive myself if we brought a child into the world to suffer the emptiness I lived with my whole existence[?]" /"You should be unable to love." / "You don't understand what it's like to go through life feeling nothing for anyone else."

I could not understand why Bill described it as "emptiness" or "feeling nothing." I still cannot find a single aro/ace person who would describe themselves as empty. The most I have ever heard is: "I wish I was normal" (meaning I wish I fit in, I wish to be accepted by other people). Historically, many aro/ace people married and had kids, conforming to societal norms, and I am sure many believed there was something wrong with them or hoped to grow out of it. I was one of them. On a very personal note, I suspect that my father is too. I am certain that he's never heard the terms asexual or aromantic in his life. But if you think I'll ever discuss his sexuality with him, you're out of your damn mind.

Now, I know it's really easy to find this fic from these quotes. I chose to include them anyways because I think it's important to show how blatant it was. My Tumblr blog isn't exactly a platform, but for the five people reading this: please, please do not go after the author. I truly believe that they had no ill-intent. In the comments of this fic, a few people bring up variations of "it sounds like Bill is just aro/ace" and the author is consistently understanding. Here are some of the author's comment on that fic:

[Image ID]

I very much understand what you're saying. It's a tricky thing for me to address, however. For the core idea I'm playing with is basically the evilness of "love potions". And part of that is exploring JKR's idea that Voldemort, being unable to love due to his mother using a love potion on his father, was a *monster* because of that. Perhaps that doesn't come across very clearly (there's a little bit more of it in the prequel), that it's one of the assumptions I'm trying to undermine. ("Love potions are funny/romantic", "Voldemort is a monster because he could not love", "Harry's power was that he could love - he's not a monster like Voldemort", "There's nothing wrong with selling love potions to teens/adults because it's not 'real' love".)

I feel like I'm already poking at the inherent problem of framing "people who cannot love" as "monsters/psychopaths" by showing Bill and Harry's struggles with self acceptance, and Bill finding a way to love (though do note he'd been making peace with the idea he wasn't attracted to anyone, prior to meeting Fleur). I really don't like the canonical take on love-redeems/love-is-the-best-power/the-loveless-are-monsters, so I'm messing with it a bit. Exploring other people than Voldemort, ones we admire, who are also dealing with being unable to love. Does that make sense? Now, that doesn't mean I'm doing a perfect job at it, but I'm trying my best to explore that theme around the edges of my Dramione story.

[End Image ID]

The author's intention was to show how other characters, made aro/ace via love potion like Voldemort, were not evil or sociopaths. I don't know why all the characters were so aro/acephobic, but sometimes fics get away from you and you don't address everything you wanted to. I don't know why the aro/ace characters had so much internalized shame and hatred when the term bachelor has been in use for centuries, but we fanfic authors love writing self-esteem issues and I would be a hypocrite to say otherwise. I don't know why the author never tagged acephobia or internalized acephobia, but no one HAS to tag anything.

I don't know if the author ended up writing that fic where Harry comes to accept his aro/asexuality. It's totally understable if they didn't; I have failed to write many fics that I really did want to write. Sometimes it's just like that. I really, truly believe that the author had the best of intentions and is not aro/acephobic, just severely misled on what that experience is like.

My beef is not with this author. I used their words to highlight a reoccurring and popular sentiment that I hate. My real beef is that this fic is popular. This is an entire subgenre of Harry Potter fics. I actually decided to write this post because some random person on the internet said, a few days ago, something along the lines of: "Remember when JKR invented a date rape drug that turned people into sociopaths? Yeah…" (And also because I was up until 3 am last night writing a dumb trash angst one-shot about it).

I'd wager that the vast, vast majority of people who write or read those fics don't feel the same way. But the condescension is baked into the very premise of that trope. "Oh poor you, it must be so hard, so lonely going through life without ever loving another person. You must feel so empty inside."

It's actually people who say similar things that make me feel isolated. Most of the time I feel free, like I've cracked this secret code, like I'm able to see things clearly that people so hung up over sex and romance can't. Other times I feel so left out I wish I was "normal." Mostly, being aro/ace is lonely, annoying, exhausting, and liberating.

It wasn't until last year that a friend told me that some people actually do have trouble speaking to someone they've never met before, just because they find that someone attractive. I thought that only happened in stories. But I don't want to get nervous meeting new people based on their looks, I don't want to treat people differently based on how much I want to have sex with them. I wish my friends in high school had never pressured me to come out as bisexual. I wish all the other similarly liberal, queer communities I've found since didn't insist on associating sex and dating with emotional comfort. I wish I could magically stop my parents from expecting me to ever get married and have kids.

But I can't.

Anyways, that's it for today. I'm not sure what the point of writing this was. I really don't want anyone to get hurt or attacked because of it. This is not a callout, or a hate brigade, or any sort of call-to-action. I don't want people to get up-in-arms about this. I'm just tired. I suppose I just wanted to put my feelings out there, and well, this is my Tumblr.

[our-aroace-experience]

ok so here's my ace/arospec story

ace:

i learned about being ace

oh i don't know

12 years old maybe

i searched it up after reading about it online

"aroace definition"

it went something like

"being both aromantic and asexual"

i searched up

"aromantic"

"asexual"

at first i thought it was a bit strange

i hadn't learned yet

to distinguish

between romantic attraction and sexual attraction

because i didn't know

people actually wanted sex

people actually saw someone and went

"wow"

"i want to fuck them"

i had a crush on a childhood friend of mine

at the time

(a guy. i am a girl.)

i'd always assumed i was cishet

grew up in a conservative christian household

slightly offtopic but honestly my parents were great

not stereotypical conservative christians

both allies

they had friends who were trans and gay

i'd checked out queer media from the library

and they were fine with it

anyway

back to the story

so since i had a crush on the opposite gender

i assumed ofc

i was cishet

well ofc i wasn't into sex, i was just a kid

but at age 13

almost 14

i was alone

in a hotel room, no parents, on instagram

that's the only time i could get that

late night phone time

when i didn't have parents around

i found @i.put.the.ace.in.disgrace on instagram

scrolled through every fucking post

on their account

and on the #asexual tag

i related to those posts

like

a lot

a suspicious amount for someone supposedly allo

even though i was just a kid

yeah maybe i'd grow into it

maybe i'd feel attraction one day

but not now

and who the hell was going to tell me

what i could or couldn't identify as

so i tried out the ace label

spent hours and hours

wondering if it was right

if i was really ace

if i wasn't too young

but going back to being allo felt wrong

so i decided to keep the label

the first person i came out to

was an online friend

they were so amazing and supportive of it

i love them so much for that

they said i'd been on their gaydar for a while

(a message i still think about

when wondering if i'm really ace)

felt sick the next day

i'd always been an ally

supported my queer friends

arospec aspec trans homosexual i supported them all

but it made me sick

to think about me

myself

being queer

it was sort of rough

but i got through it

later

came out to my friend and her mom

they were cool about it

i knew i'd be safe

they weren't ecstatic or super happy

but they accepted me

"cool"

that's what they said i remember it

i was a hot mess that day too

stuttered over all my words when trying to come out

and they still accepted me

i love them

later

i decided to hint at my identity to my mom

talked about not liking sex

i checked out a few ace books

from the library

my mom took me aside

i don't remember her exact words

it went something like

"it's natural to be curious

but you can't be ace at 14

you're not trying to be

are you?"

ofc

i managed to convince her i was allo

had to be more careful then

arospec:

i'd only had one crush.

one crush who i'd liked as a friend first.

you see where this is going, don't you?

well

i didn't

i'd heard that aces had not very many crushes

so i assumed i was just Really Really Asexual

and i couldn't be aro hahahaha

i'd been in love before!

aros cannot be in love!

oh by golly i was wrong

i started questioning

(only one crush?

my friends are all over their crushes

plural

and i've only had one??

maybe i'm not as allo as i thought)

i debated over gray-aro and demi-aro

picked demi

it described my experience more accurately

came out to aforementioned friend

then aforementioned online friend

they were chill about it

(fucking love them)

then i 3d printed a black ring

and a white ring

ace

and aro

and this is maybe the best part of the whole experience

i had friends who were stereotypical conservative christian

queerphobic

they complimented my aro and ace rings

and so did my mom

and that made me really happy for some reason

shit that was a long ask im sorry

thank you for sharing! i hope your mum comes around to you being aroace one day

also side note: this reads like a poem it’s so well written!

[mitch4tune]

My Aroace Journey

Teacher during Sex Ed: You'll all feel sexual attraction at some point. Me, years later, still waiting and panicking: Where is it? *manic chuckle* Wh... Where the hell is it...??

I've only really celebrated Valentine's Day once (aside from exchanging cards with my class in elementary school), so I'll contribute to the aromantic awareness that's been trending on Tumblr by sharing my experience of how I found out I'm aroace.

I first heard of the term "asexual" in an LGBTQ context in September or October of 2020 because of Alastor's sexuality being officially confirmed. "Very interesting! Can't be me," I thought.

I got into researching and asking reddit anyway. I think I determined that I'm ace later that year in October.

In April of 2021, the thought of me possibly being aromantic as well struck me. I hated that thought, telling myself, "I've already had one thing taken away; why do I have to lack something else?!"

(I want to clarify that lacking sexual and romantic attraction doesn't make someone any less of a person.)

Once I accepted that I'd probably never fall in love, I ironically got into a romantic relationship in July and determined that I'm demiromantic. During that relationship, I experienced waking up looking forward to messaging them each day, seeing the world in more saturated colours, and even properly enjoyed my first Valentine's Day date. I'm forever grateful for all of that.

The relationship lasted a little more than a year before I fell out of love (that doesn't mean I don't still love them; I'm just not in love anymore). A year after the breakup, a friend suggested that I could be cupioromantic. I joined the subreddit and described my situation, to which someone recommended I check out r/lithromantic.

I spent a long time feeling like I'd gotten robbed of something again ("Why can I even fall in love if that's going to be taken away after it's returned?"), but I eventually accepted my orientation despite still getting sad about it every now and then.

I speculated on another part of my identity from January to February of 2024. I'm not comfortable saying what it is yet, but I will say that a big part of that ordeal was spent worrying about how my identity would affect other people, which is ridiculous; your identity is part of you; not anyone else.

I only told two people because I felt disgusting for the thought even having crossed my mind randomly. I don't know why, since I'll always speak in favor of people who identify that way. But I still felt that way, no matter how much I reassured myself. No matter how much those two friends reassured me.

I came to the conclusion that it doesn't apply to me (though I'm not putting it completely off the table).

That brings us to now. I'm exhausted. (^ ^ ;) I'll end this off with some memes I saved up while I was still in the closet. Happy Valentine's Day!

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

Let's see how far through this episode I can get without wanting to smack a man. Gu Tingye in particular.

***

Oh, delightful!

The Emperor has picked up secret gardening and his trusted subjects are there to watch him play with dirt like a baby 🙄

I preferred the old Emperor, honestly. This one seems incompetent, but I am putting my hopes in his son and Gu Tingye to keep the Song Dynasty from collapsing.

***

Shameless 🤣🤣

I love how he just goes up to Emperors and demands they give him things 🤣🤣

That's how he got the spear from the old one too!

***

Oh, Rulan, you don't know what a hard life is even as a concept 🙄🙄

Also, LOL, I love how smug Wang Ruofu looks here 🤣🤣

***

LMAO, I love how Rulan expounds on how true love is the meaning of all joy and happiness and Miglan just looks at her like she's lost her mind 🤣🤣

I know that Minglan will eventually experience romantic love with Gu Tingye and tie her entire life to him, but her current state of mind is such an aroace experience 🤣🤣

***

LMAO, their friendship remains one of my favourite things on this show 🤣🤣

***

I can't watch 😫

Like... I know Gu Tingye already knows about Rulan and her boyfriend. It is a part of his plan, in fact. I know that Rulan will not actually come to any serious harm.

BUT STILL!

This drama has instilled sheer terror of secret romances in me 😖

***

The way he cannot deal, LMAO 😅😅

And he was having such a good day, too!

***

And it is the poor servant being beaten again, smh.

***

Well, it's good to know that at least Wang Ruofu would not let them kill her.

***

I have to say, while I do feel sorry for Rulan for getting caught up in Tingye's bullshit, I love this for Sheng Hong!

Not one daughter, but TWO!! getting caught in an illicit affair 🤣🤣 It couldn't have happened to a more deserving man!

***

Coincidentally 🙄 Accidentally 🙄🙄

But how did he even know that they would be there at exactly that time?? IS HE IN LEAGUE WITH THAT JING FELLOW?

***

LMAO, honestly, if my marriage prospects were the men in this drama, I would sooner become a nun too!

Anyway, Granny is PISSED and I am living!! 🔥🔥🔥

***

Oh, now she's your daughter, is she 🙄

***

LMAO, I love Granny! 💛

***

Is this Rulan's boyfriend?

I don't think I ever got a good look at his face.

***

LMAOOOOO, WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WON'T BE AGGRIEVING MINGLAN??

SHE HAS MOVED OOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!!

Her better options include: 1) marrying Gu Tingye, 2) marrying He Hongwen and 3) becoming a nun.

You have no chance.

***

LOL, you'll settle nothing.

***

LMAO, he's so pleased with himself 🤣🤣

Is sis Hualan matchmaking for him?? 👀 Her husband works for Gu Tingye, after all, it makes sense they would be in on this plan.

***

Said the man who has done nothing but lie, sneak and scheme 🙄

Smack him, Minglan!

I mean, yes, also marry him, but smack him hard first!

***

LMAO, you are about to be served a big piece of humble pie!

I'm going to love every moment of watching you fail!

***

MTE.

[misty79]

Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week!!!

What does being aromantic mean?

Aromantic is umbrella term that includes anyone who experiences little to no romantic attraction. There are many romantic orientations that someone who is aromantic may use to explain their feelings, including but not limited to,

Demiromantic: Only developing romantic attraction to someone after forming a close bond with them like a close friendship

Lithioromantic: Enjoy’s the idea of romance in theory and can feel some degree of romantic attraction but often does not seek out romantic relationships and does not need their feelings reciprocated

Cupioromamtic: Feels no romantic attraction, but still seeks out romantic relationships and enjoys typically romantic activities such as kissing and cuddling.

Greyromantic: Experience romantic attraction but it’s is rare and infrequent. Some seek out romantic relationships others do not, varies from person to person.

Apothiromantic: Experiences no romantic attraction at all, and some are even repulsed by it.

Common misconceptions

Asexual is the same as Aromantic

Being Asexual is feeling little to no sexual attraction and while it is often tied close together with Aromantism, they are two separate identities. There are many people who are both, Aroace, but there are also people who are only Aromantic or only Asexual.

Aromantic people can’t/don’t date

Aromantic people 100% can and do date. Many Aromantic people have a secondary label such as Lesbian, Gay, Straight or bisexual to further identify their romantic or sexual attraction.

Even those who are Aroace can date they just have QPR’s, Queerplatonic Relationships, which come in all different forms but in its most basic form it is friends with benefits and it’s between you and your partner to decide what those benefits entail.

Aromantic people don’t experience love

Even someone who is both Aromantic and Asexual still experiences love towards family and friends, it’s just platonic

They are lonely

Anyone can feel lonely from time to time and, while coming to terms with being Aromantic can be difficult and does often make one upset that they will never have this fairytale relationship, it is also super freeing and they learn to find comfort from family, current friendships and make new ones with the others in the community.

—

If you think I missed something important or if you want me to talk about Asexuality please let me know and if any of this resonates with you I suggest doing your own research just as I did when I was discovering I’m Aroace.

Some videos that helped me were;

Jaiden Animations: Being Not Straight

Spacey Aces: What are Queerplatonic Relationships (QPR’s)? | Aromantics Explain

Anthony Padilla: I spent a day with ROMANCED REPULSED AROMANTICS

[adamsloverboy]

Hi. If you're searching for positivity, this is not it, you may skip if you want.

We're talking about feeling alienated.

Now, my experience may be "contaminated" but I think my point still stands.

Being aroace/aspec sucks when you're surrounded by friends who have partners. By friends who put their partner WAY above friends. It sucks especially when you and your friend used to talk all day, and suddenly, it turns into a message per day. Then one per week.

It sucks because you know it's 'your fault' and that you can't blame them— they're building their life, it's fine if you're not in their daily routine. It's common.

But it hurts even more when, they break up, and your friend begins talking to you all day again. It feels like you're a quick-fix, someone that is there when they feel low, but never when they feel high. Sort of a substitute to love.

And it's a loop.

It also sucks when every one of your friends has a partner and you start to feel less. Sure, it's society's fault for pushing amanormativity, but you still feel like that.

It's funny because your 'inability' to fall in love is a joke among them.

"You're the only one I know who doesn't long/search for a relationship," but you do long for the closeness, for the trust, the mutual caring.

And here it goes. Feeling like you never fit in.

Everyone around you is searching for love, even finding it, going as far as disappearing from your life for it.

And there you stand, wanting to hang out with your friends. Just have fun. But they have other things! They have their partners. They have their partner's family—

Anyone but you.

And they talk about love, they talk about intimacy, and they talk talk talk.

You wonder, is it really that good? Is love worth all this hype?

Why not me?

Why everyone but me?

[acecubus]

The most heartbreaking and loneliest part of being on the aromantic/asexual spectrum is that, even if you try and explain to people how you feel about all that shit, they still don't understand what you're saying.

I am happy with myself, and I am not less happy just because it's enough for me to experience love in a different way than most people. Especially since I identify as aego-aroace.

Yes, I do not feel sexual or romantic attraction. However, that does not mean I can't enjoy thoughts about either, especially if it doesn't involve me. I prefer reading about different pairings or creating characters myself who may or may not get to live happy ever after with their loved one. I like the idea of having a relationship, but I do not need one to feel the same amount of comfort and happiness as allosexual/alloromantic people do.

I am valid. My experiences are valid. Telling me or people like me that I "haven't met the right person" or "am too young to know yet" is painful. I am not broken!

The amount of days I cried myself to sleep because I've got told things that made me feel like my very existence is not enough, even though I should know it's not true. Sometimes it feels like everyone else is awake while I'm in a coma, destined to never wake up, I'm on pause while the world is spinning around me.

I am a 24 years old adult human being and I've come to terms with my identity like 13 years ago when I was still a child - the only difference is back then I didn't knew there was a term for how I felt.

Just because the dress is blue/black for me while someone else sees it white/gold doesn't change the fact that it is still a dress - iykwim.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[shockwavve]

Inspired by your recent tags…

How do you prefer to see Shockwave written, and why?

(I’m especially curious about IDW and TFP.)

Sorry I've had like 3 asks sitting in my askbox for forever now bc school has been kicking my ass 😭😭 but that post came up on my dash again and reminded me to answer this--

BUT UHHHH, so tbh I very strongly see Shockwave as either aroace or demiromantic & demisexual... like. Pretty much all iterations of him, ESPECIALLY IDW and TFP. TF:A is pretty much the only exception to this in which I could see him being closer to just allo... but still somewhere on the demi spectrum... and a loooot of ways I see him written in fanfic makes him very uhh... hmm how do I explain... doting?? Or very Affectionate or... well, all the things people like in a fluff fic.

And yanno that's fine, maybe that's some people's cup of tea but it's not mine. To me, Shocks is very very stoic and dry, even in relationships. I don't even like seeing him in the "stoic person who is soft with their s/o" trope because I just don't think Shockwave is a soft person, in any meaning of the word.

I could see him maybe, like... being slightly less stoic and more introspective and TALKATIVE with someone he likes... and LESS RUDE skdndks and more willing to spend time with them and LISTEN. That's how I prefer to see him written. Someone who is still very quiet and introverted and keeps to himself, even around the people he loves. Like, you know, sometimes he'll have days where he just... needs to be alone and needs you to leave him alone and if you want to be his partner you gotta be okay with that. But he'll also give you more time, speak softer, ramble about the things he's working on, have MORE PATIENCE with you, and... I think he would be more touchy in a very gentle way, like he's studying you.

But outside of that, any kind of gushy or lovey shockwave that says anything even somewhat adjacent to affectionate that isn't something ridiculously stiff like "I find you less miserable to be in company with" just rubs me the wrong way and gives me ick. I think the most affectionate thing I could see him saying is in whump. Like, a moment of desperation that could make him say "I need you", but I think "I love you" is not something he's ever going to be comfortable saying - he shows it, not says it.

TF:A Shockwave is the only one I can make an exception for but it's just because that boy is fucked up. TFA Shockwave is not capable of a healthy relationship SKDSJJDBSKSNS. He's either going to be controlling and possessive in a snakeish and insidious kind of way, or absolute unquestioning devotion. I just don't think TF:A shockwave is... like... as a PERSON capable of being in a healthy relationship unless he went to fucking therapy or had some kind of redemption arc in which case I would place him back in demi territory that is similar to the other descriptions I was talking about earlier.

Writing in GENERAL, without shipping involved? IDW shockwave is fucking insane. He is so so manipulative. He has a million equations and plans going on in his head at all times and he can and will save everyone for better or for worse - and he doesn't care what it takes to get there. That man isn't capable of any emotion except for pursuance of a goal, and maybe anger. Or, if he does feel emotion, it's very very dull and diluted. If he had it restored I think it would destroy him. I read a fic once where Rung accidentally restored his emotions and that one is very very good, I like that shockwave quite a bit.

TF:P Shockwave I think experiences emotions very much, but has a tendency to hide them because he's a very internal person. I don't think he will ever verbally express it, though, unless you REALLY piss him off. For the most part he's very stoic and blunt, and doesn't sugarcoat things... so he will be rude sometimes, but won't go out of his way to be. Some people write him way too cruel and it also rubs me the wrong way... but I also don't like seeing him written too nice either. He's doing his own thing and could really care less about what's going on around him, except for maybe Soundwave who I think he could work well with because of the matching intellect, and Megatron who I think he honestly just works with for the reliable material and the praise (and to piss off Starscream, who annoys him.) I think he can be petty, but doesn't go out of his way to be. I think he values his experiments very much, though, and sabotaging him is a surefire way to get him to try and kill you.

Basically, overall: unless we're talking about TFA Shockwave (who is goofy and cruel), I like a shockwave who is aloof, dry, passionate about what he does to a fault, doesn't talk a lot, respects those of similar intellect, does what he does either for knowledge or to pursue some "greater good", and isn't needlessly cruel. He can show some emotion but not too much, and expresses himself mostly through body language and actions, not words.