#Ed Sheeran fanfic

[newfoundstateof]

but she fell in love with an english man | b.b. x reader

summary: Academy friends drag Benedict to a tavern to watch Irish fiddle player!reader perform. He buys her a drink. But who can play a fiddle and drink a pint at the same time?

word count: 1.2k

warnings: suggestive but none

a/n: definitely not inspired by those tiktoks of dirty talk bar maids at ren faires, who said that???

“They are spectacular,” Rupert Norton declared with an arm slung over Benedict’s shoulder.

The rest of the Royal Academy students hummed in agreement. Already drunk from the party they left minutes ago, a small group of them stumbled down the cobbled streets of Soho. Earlier that night, news broke that a band that visited a few weeks before Benedict enrolled at the Academy had returned to much anticipation. In an instant, pipes were dropped, coats were gathered, and boots were marching to The Intrepid Fox tavern.

“They’re from Ireland,” someone said.

“I’ve never danced so much in my life,” another added.

“And the fiddle player is quite easy on the eyes,” Rupert slurred into Benedict’s ear. “Try and buy her a drink if you can. That usually gets her attention.”

Benedict laughed. “I’m just here to enjoy the music. As should all of you scoundrels.”

Once inside the tavern, a few of the men beelined to the bar to order whiskey shots for the fiddle player despite the empty stage in the corner. Benedict simply took a seat at the bar, observing the growing crowd. The band’s reputation must have preceded them, as he was soon shoulder to shoulder with the eager fans. But for the next twenty minutes, only chatter filled the room.

“They always like to keep you waiting,” Rupert grumbled into his ale. “But it’s worth it, I promise.”

“I don’t mind,” Benedict smiled. “It’s good people watch-”

The room erupted into cheering, and he turned toward the stage. Sure enough, two men climbed the small wooden platform. One carried a fiddle, the other a flute. The room roared even louder when you emerged with your fiddle, waving a good-natured hand to the audience. Your smile was wide and disarming. Your gaze was equally piercing. Looking at the gleam in your eyes, Benedict knew just how aware you were of your control over the room. Soon the clapping died down, and every soul waited with bated breath to what you would say.

A scrawny kitchen hand hurried up to you and set a tray of shots down on a small barrel.

“Wow,” you breathed. “All this for little old me?”

Benedict found himself chuckling with everyone. As you threw a shot back, his stomach dropped. You were certainly not like the young ladies of the ton. 

“This crowd is mighty impressive, isn’t it, boys?” you asked your bandmates as you all started tuning your instruments. “We appreciate you for coming out. If you don’t know us already, the lad on the flute is Johnny. My fellow friend on the fiddle is Patrick. And I’m Y/N. I have a favor to ask of you all… From now until the last of you sorry lot leave this building, I hereby decree this an Irish pub! That means we will be clapping along to the songs, singing if you know the words, and if you are so inclined, I would love to see some dancing tonight.”

Someone in the audience whistled, evoking more cheers.

“Let’s get started, shall we?” you grinned.

The trio launched into Seven Drunken Nights, a popular jig even Benedict knew. Though his classmates were rowdily singing along, he could only stare at you. Johnny and Patrick generally kept to their places on stage, but you swayed across, drawing your bow theatrically compared to Patrick’s controlled movements. He was the main vocalist, but during the wife’s lines in the song, you sang with the crowd. 

“Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly ol’ fool. Still, you cannot see, that’s a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me!”

Benedict couldn’t decide if you were a better fiddle player or singer, you were impeccable at both. But without a doubt, you were the best at simply putting on a show. You encouraged people to dance along as you skipped across the stage. Benedict could only imagine how taxing it was for you. Dancing, singing, and playing an instrument all while not breaking a sweat. He eyed the tray of shots, turned to the nearest bartender, and ordered something more refreshing for you.

As you strung out the last note of Seven Drunken Nights, the same kitchen hand ran the mug of beer up to your tray. You sighed to yourself.

“Which one of you did this?” you cried out, lifting the mug high.

Heads spun every which way. Benedict froze. Was liquor the only appropriate drink to tip a musician? He wasn’t sure, he’d never been to something like this. Awkwardly, he coughed and raised his hand.

Your eyes found him in the sea of faces, and you smirked. “Don’t be shy, come here!”

 Rupert clapped Benedict on the back. “Don’t screw this up, Bridgerton. She might go home with you tonight.”

Though he had been with many women and dangerously close with a few men, you still intimidated him somehow. Nothing intimate had been on his mind before Rupert’s comment, but now his heart skipped a few beats at just the thought of it. Benedict snaked through the crowd, trying to read the expression on your face. But all you looked was smug, and he wouldn’t be surprised if you poured the ale on his head. 

“Finally,” you breathed as he stood before you. “One of you buys a lady a real drink!”

He exhaled in relief.

“I’m afraid I’m quite thirsty though,” you pout, getting down on one knee. The stage was barely a foot off the ground, putting your face directly in front of Benedict’s wide shoulders. “And we need to get on with the next song, but I don’t have enough hands. Would you help me, good sir?”

Without waiting for his response, you shoved the drink in his hands and looked up to the ceiling. Before Benedict could blink, you were poising your instrument and drawing out a note with your bandmates following suit.

“We’re lucky I don’t sing in this one,” you smile, giving him a pointed look. “Get on with it, now. I’m parched.”

Never one to argue with a lady, Benedict slowly tilted the rim of the glass to your lips and poured the liquid steadily down your throat. You looked up through your lashes at him, daring him to look away. But he didn’t. Only when some of the ale dripped down your chin and onto your bodice did his gaze break yours.

“Should I stop?” he asked.

You shook your head, “No,” as much as you could with your lips around the glass.

As you neared the last dregs, your head tilted back more and more to get it all. The eroticism of it all was not lost on Benedict, especially as you swallowed the last gulp and moaned audibly. The growing friction in the front of his pants was no help. But once the glass was finished, you rose to your feet and sent him off with a wink. As you spun to the other side of the stage, the hem of your skirt brushed his groin and he mindlessly reached for the fabric. But you were gone. In a trance, Benedict walked backward to his friends at the bar, adjusting himself. 

“Has she done that before,” he coughed.

“I’ve never seen that before,” Rupert crowed. “And I’ve seen them perform at least five times since I started at the Academy.”

“You’ve got to talk to her after, Bridgerton,” someone urged.

“Can I come along?” a voice teased.

“You’re the luckiest bastard on earth right now,” another sighed.

Across the room, you caught him starring and blew him a quick kiss.

“Yes,” he murmured. “Luckiest bastard on earth.”

[depressedoompaloompa]

✨Hydrate✨ bitches

This is a reminder for everyone who sees this. Get up from where you're sitting and drink a glass of water<3

Reblog so your moots don't die on their beds in their girlcaves

[dearstvckyx]

𝐚𝐥𝐛𝐮𝐦 𝟑

𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬

𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐚 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐱 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐨 𝐡𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐫

𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ➜ 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

Location: New Jersey

Liked by trevorzegras and 24,638,129 other

thelunahischier New Album out now!! along with Music Videos for Aphrodite, Mamas Song & Something Bad

tagged dixiedamelio teddysphotos

view all 11,629,149 comments

edwards.73: Naming a song after yourself is such a Luna thing to do 😭

⟶ thelunahischier: STOPPP ETHAN

colecaufield: YOUR SONGS ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT

⟶ thelunahischier: magic cole 🥰

⟶ jackhughes: EVERY SONG COLE?

teddysphoto: A beautiful singer

⟶ thelunahischier: thank you ed 🩶🩶

lhughes_06: a song with my jersey number 😄

⟶ _quinnhughes: its also mine lukey

⟶ jackhughes: yet it’s probably about neither of you

⟶ thelunahischier: wellllll not reallly

trevorzegras: EVERYONE MRS LUNA APHRODITE HISCHIER

⟶ thelunahischier: Z🤭🥰

oliviaholzmacher: SUCH A PRETTY ALBUM 😭

⟶ thelunahischier: Liv 🤍🥰🥹

⟶ joeyb_9: she has been listening to it NON STOP

⟶ oliviaholzmacher: deal with it babe 😘

⟶ thelunahischier: yeah joey deal with it

dixiedamelio: something bad has some really good singers

⟶ thelunahischier: thats what i was saying, i wonder who they are 🤔

ninahischier: der sanfteste Sänger

⟶ thelunahischier: love youuuuu

_quinnhughes: tell me why mom called ME crying about mamas song

⟶ thelunahischier: really!?

⟶ _quinnhughes: yeah dad was in the back trying to calm her

mackie.samo: IF I LAY HERE

⟶ markestapa: IF I JUST LAY HERE

⟶ dylanduke25: WOULD YOU LIE WITH ME

⟶ noahwest31: AND JUST FORGET THE WORLD

jamie.drysdale: NOW RUMOR HAS IT SHE AINT GOT YOUR LOVE ANYMORE

⟶ _alexturcotte: BUT RUMOR HAS IT IM THE ONE YOURE LEAVING HER FOR

⟶ trevorzegras: BUT RUMOR HAS IT HES THE ONE IM LEAVING YOU FOR

nicodaws: you still don’t know your last name? 😉 😉

⟶ thelunahischier: nope, starts with an H thats all i know 🫣

njdevils: the username change 🫣👀

Translate:

der am weichsten Sängerin - the softest singer

[zimmer-zupastar]

Hereeee piggy piggy piggy!!!

[jackharloww]

You are the only one

summary: a fic inspired by Ed Sheeran's "one". Reader moves away after a year of being with Jack but comes back to him - wonder how it goes :)

You never believed in the saying "Right person, wrong time", you always thought it was a silly thing to say, if a person was the right one then you could make it work, right? Well, that was before you met Jack.

You met Jack when you moved to Atlanta for a year to work overseas. You worked as a stylist and the company you worked for got a one-year contract with a magazine where you got the title of an editorial stylist. That is how you came in contact with Jack, he was shooting for the magazine, and working with him on set was the funniest you've ever had at work. Upon seeing each other for the first time you immediately clicked and everyone could see the admiration in both your eyes.

You became inseparable. You did everything together, everything from partying to going on road trips talking about your dreams and aspirations. It took Jack a while to muster up the courage to tell you he liked you more than a friend, but when he did, oh how beautiful life became. It was the best year of your life, he was yours and you were his and everything was good, but everything good has to come to an end, right?

You still remembered the call from your company telling you that you couldn't continue for more than a year and that you needed to move back. The night you broke the news to Jack still replays in your head, you were lying on a blanket next to each other watching the beautiful night sky.

Flashback

"Do you have to leave" Jack muttered as you both stared at the stars in the night sky. You didn't answer him, which made him continue speaking "Can't you just stay here? With me?" his voice cracked, you didn't trust your voice, instead you turned your head to meet his eyes, the tears in your eyes told him what he needed to know. You scooted closer to him and put your head on his shoulder.

"There's nothing more I want, but you know I can't" you mustered out before taking a deep breath. You looked down at your tangled hands and pulled them up to plant a kiss on the back of Jack's hand.

He leaned closer to you and kissed your lips, before pulling you on top of him. His big hands cradled your face and you both stared at each other's watery eyes for a few seconds.

"I love you," you told him

"I love you too, more than you could ever imagine" he answered

"I'll come back to you" you whispered, as he pulled you into a gentle kiss, both your tears leaving a salty taste on your lips.

"Promise me you'll wait for me," he said after he pulled away from the kiss. "I promise" you sniffled, before leaning your forehead against his.

"You know, I'm so thankful you showed me what love is" Jack mumbled. You leaned in and kissed him hard, your lips saying everything you couldn't.

End of Flashback

You had one week with each other after that night, and you spent it attached at the hips. He came with you to the airport the day you left, where you said your teary goodbyes. You promised each other to call every night, but Jack's career kicking off, your busy work schedule and the time difference made it hard for both of you to keep that promise. There were occasional messages when one of you had achieved something but not more than that. But there wasn't a day that went by that you didn't think about him.

One Year Later

You looked down at your phone, before looking up again at the big building. Yup, this is it, you said to yourself before grabbing your big suitcase and walking towards the door to your new apartment.

"Welcome miss" the concierge greeted you as he opened the door for you. "Thank you sir" You smiled at him and dragged your suitcase behind you as you walked to the elevators. You arrived on the floor, took the keys from your bag, unlocked the door, and walked in. Your eyes widened in wonder, the pictures on the website did not do it justice. It had a high ceiling, an open floor plan, and big windows that gave it a luxurious feeling. Thankfully the lease included a fully furnished apartment so you didn't have to think about that. It was modern and elegant, with colors of white and beige decorating the apartment. You sank down on the couch and thanked god for the soft cushions.

"Back in Atlanta" You sighed with contentment and leaned back, closing your eyes for a moment. You had gotten the job offer of your dreams which took you back to the beautiful city of Atlanta.

You would lie if you said that Jack hadn't been on your mind. You were so proud of all he had achieved and missed him like crazy. You often wondered if he thought about you the same way you think about him. The memory of both of you lying down, watching the stars, and pouring all your feelings out often replayed in your mind. You grabbed your phone and immediately went on the Instagram app, searching for Jack, and started to write him a DM. After typing and deleting for 5 minutes, you finally decided what to write and typed it out. You stared at the message for a few minutes, debating if you should hit send. Like yes, you did tell him you will be back for him, but what if he had moved on? But what's the worse that could happen? you thought. After minutes of debating you finally hit send and threw your phone on the other end of the sofa.

Yourinsta: "I'm in town"

After a few minutes, you received a notification and jumped to grab your phone, to your dismay it was a message from your best friend asking if you'd arrived, you quickly wrote out an answer to her before going on Insta once more. You clicked into the DM you had sent and immediately felt your heart drop to your stomach when you saw the words on your phone screen, Read.

Well, at least he read it? that's a good thing? right? you tried to convince yourself. At least now you know what the worst thing that could happen was, not receiving a fucking answer. You threw your phone away once more and got up to shower.

You stepped into the beautiful big shower and let the warm water hit your body, you closed your eyes, and the only thing on your mind was Jack, why couldn't you stop thinking about him. You washed your body thoroughly before stepping out to go to sleep, the jetlag slowly hitting you.

You woke up only an hour later to the sound of your phone ringing, groaning you squinted to see who it was before answering. "You woke me up" you muttered to Alina, your best friend, on the other line.

"Well, you didn't answer my message, I thought you died" She replied nonchalantly, clearly eating something.

"I did?" you questioned and put her on speaker to check for yourself.

"no bro, you must've dreamt about it" she answered, making you roll your eyes.

"Oh, I did answer but I might have forgotten to hit send" you admitted, laughing slightly. The two of you talked for a while more before you told her you wanted to sleep more.

Before putting your phone away, you noticed you'd received a notification on Instagram, and even though you tried to push the feelings away, you couldn't help your heart from beating rapidly. You clicked on the message and it was as if your eyes stopped connecting to your brain. You couldn't comprehend what you just read.

Jackharlow: "Can we meet?"

Well, there goes that sleep, you thought and quickly sat up. He had sent it 40 minutes after he had read it, but at least he answered.

Yourinsta: Sure, let me know when and where, You typed out after a minute of just staring at the message he had sent. You received an answer only a few seconds later.

Jackharlow: Tonight? at 7, Our place.

Your place. The place where you would go to just hang out, relax, and talk about everything. It was the place where you said "I love you" for the first time and it was also the place where you told him you were moving back. It was Your place, and him mentioning it made your heart flutter.

yourinsta: That sounds good!

Now you were freaking out. The fluttering sensation in your stomach felt like thousands of butterflies flying around. You quickly looked at the time and noticed you had a few more hours. The nerves you felt wouldn't make it easy to fall asleep again, so you just got up to get ready.

You fixed your hair and sat down to do your makeup. You dragged your suitcase into your room, dug out a pair of beige cargos, and paired them with a simple tight white t-shirt.

Thankfully the place was within walking distance so you grabbed your headphones, put on your favorite playlist, and started walking. As soon as you arrived you saw him sitting on the bench, wearing black jeans with a grey zip-up hoodie. Your heart pounded with tension as you walked up to him. As soon as he heard your steps he turned around and his famous big grin got plastered on his face.

"Well look who we have here," he said and stood up to greet you properly in a big hug.

"Hi" you mirrored his big grin and snuggled into his hug. You took a deep breath, not wanting to let go. After a few seconds, you both pulled away and looked at each other. A wave of emotions that you haven't felt in a long time came over you. His eyes sparkled with a warmth that you had missed.

"You're back," He said as you both walked to the bench to sit down.

"I'm back," you sniffled a laugh, giving him a tight-lip smile. It was a little weird being here a year later. You still loved him but you had no idea how he felt about you after all this time.

"How long are you staying," He asked, smiling at you.

"Well as long as I can" you smiled "Im working for this company now, so no returning hopefully" At that he stared at you with his eyebrows raised.

"So no one-year contract bullshit this time?" he asked, which made you giggle

"no one-year contract bullshit" you answered with a big smile that he returned before turning his head to the view. There was a comfortable silence before Jack spoke up.

"I come here a lot you know," he said, looking straight ahead "Whenever I feel anxious and need to relax, it makes me calm" he continued, now turning his head to look at you.

"Yeah?" you asked, receiving nods with a gentle smile "My mind comes here when I need to do the same"

"I've missed you" He finally admitted after taking a deep breath

"I've missed you too" You both stared at each other's eyes now.

"I haven't stopped thinking about you," he said. He reached for you, put his finger under your chin, and pulled your face up to look him in the eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked in a whisper while keeping eye contact, your eyes glistened as you answered him with a nod. You both leaned forward and his soft lips met yours in a tender kiss. The kiss told you everything you needed to know. It was filled with affection and so much love.

"Promise me you won't leave again" he whispered when you pulled away from the kiss, your foreheads resting against each other.

"I won't leave you" you whispered back "I love you" you finally said, not afraid to let him know all your feelings. He gave you another kiss, this time it was hard, filled with all of the passion and emotions you felt towards each other.

He pulled away and looked at you with his beautiful sparkling blue eyes, "I couldn't stop loving you" he said, "I can't love another woman the same way I love you. I only have eyes for you" He continued speaking with affection.

You reached for his hand and held it, you smiled as he spoke and looked down at your tangled hands

"You're the only one I can see myself with when I'm gray and old, you're the only one I can see myself having kids with, You're the only one Y/N," he said passionately "You were and will always be the only one".

--------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @heavyhitterheaux , @harlowsbby , @harlowcomehome , @middlechild404 , @neon-lights-and-glitter , @mortirolo , @hoodharlow , @nattinatalia , @itsyagirljaz

First time doing a fic that's based on a song hehe let me know what you think 🤭

[arverst-aegnar]

ZK Month Day 17: Reality TV AU

I can only hope that someday the ever-increasing catalogue of "things i want to draw" will grow powerful enough to defeat my absolute disinterest in actually drawing, but until then.

I have a few ZK month ideas i'm working on (slowly, so slowly) apart from the one i've finished, but this idea isn't likely to go anywhere, so i'll share it as-is and hope that someone is inspired enough to draw/write something based off of it ;-). Basically: Zutara "Dancing with the Stars" AU.

Zuko is the professional dancer, following in his mother's footsteps (haha). He's anxious about having a role on such a public platform, what with the scar, but it's something his uncle has been gently encouraging him to do for a while now. Katara meanwhile is a famous athlete. While she's more interested in competing and reaching the top of her field than the fame, she certainly doesn't dislike all the attention, and her press agent thinks that, since she's recently risen in public status thanks to a particular accomplishment, competing on the show can only help keep her in the public eye for longer. Her desire to prove herself and to be a serious contender clashes with Zuko's insecurity and hesitance to Be Seen, but the push and pull between them (countered by an immediate spark of connection) is enough to keep them moving without throwing them off-balance.

[synonym-for-cinnamon]

I REDID ITTTTT FINALLYYYY

I’m so happyyyy MAN IVE IMPROVED A LOT HUH

Comment courtesy of @thoughtsthroughfog , or NaoNazo on Ao3 on the fic ‘snipers solve 99% of all problems’ by SilentWalrus on Ao3 :DDD I DEF RECCOMEND

edit- I’m so sorry i accidentally tagged thoughtsthroughfog twice lmao fixed that

[iz-nomewrites]

I shall give you my firstborn if you show us some WİPS 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Keep your children 😭🙏 I can’t take care of them 🥲

————

Chase’s gut sank. Her eyebags had gotten deeper, her cheekbones showing, and her eyes duller.

The narrotonin hadn’t lasted as long as it should have. His mom was getting worse.

He shakes the thought away as he steps into the room, closing the door behind him. “Hey mom… how are you?” he asks, walking towards her bed.

“Charlie, you’re back earlier,” his mom smiles weakly.

“Y-yeah… I—“ Chase eyes her cheekbones. They’re sharper, more prominent now that she’s gotten thinner, “Can’t I visit my own mom?” he manages to to muster up a smile despite how his heart is breaking.

————

Super super unedited draft i made while in the mountains <33 Thanks for the angst— I mean ask.

Thanks for the ask. 😂😭

The title is supermarket flowers <33

[realityisweird101]

My Heart is Yours, Do With it as You Wish. (Pt.1)

toxic drake - one-sided drake - drew angst - 2.8k words

cws: mentions of sh (not depicted), mentions of sewerslide (ex: 'it would be better if he wasn't here', 'he just wants to die', 'without ___ he's nothing'), obsession, mentions of violence (nothing really happens), major mood swings, BPD, throwing up, depression, edd, not taking care of oneself rly, implied underage drinking

aka: batshit crazy drew. ur welcome!!<3

Drew's never gotten the ideal of getting friends. Sure, they were amusing, but Drew never felt anything with other people his age.

So he tried. He really did, he tried making a connection, and it worked, since he had friends, but it didn't feel as nice as everyone said it did. Liam and Henry—they were funny people, sure. Drew liked being friends with them, but only a miniscule amount more than everyone else his age.

But—those…freaks. They made Drew feel something other than just tolerance, which was how he felt about almost everyone else. They made his eyes roll, his teeth clench, his smirk turn from just smugness to full on cockyness. 

And so Drew made sure they hated him, so he had a reason to hate them.

 

It was better than just…nothing, after all. So, he became some sort of bully, which wasn't his goal, but it still made that purple-haired weirdo hate him, and so the rest did as well.

But…but then—

Drew's eyes caught chocolate brown ones. They were warm—so warm, and Drew loved them.

Jake.

Jake.

Jake Sterling.

That name sounded so right in his brain, occupying it's own space, pushing all unnecessary affairs aside. 

Jake.

Jake became his new best friend, and Drew finally understood the ideal of getting a best friend. This…this warmth in his chest was better than anything he had ever felt before. Sure, hatred was better than…whatever he felt before, but happiness felt like fireworks erupting in his stomach, like hot chocolate on a cold, cold day.

Drew supposes that was how he felt before. Cold. With twinges of joy and hatred at times.

So Jake remained his best friend. And the music club remained his enemies. And life went on as it should, with equal amounts of hate and joy, which made his life finally feel complete.

_______

Daisy.

Daisy was a nice person, Drew tolerated her a bit more than everyone else.

(But she was the reason why Jake went away, why he left Drew—left forever.)

Jake liked Daisy. He had an idiotic crush on her, which led him to him leaving Drew, and him joining the music club of all things. But, Jake was still his best friend, so it was fine. It was okay.

_______

“Dreewww! Don't you think about anything other than Jake? Seriously, you're glaring at your lunch as if it killed your grandma. Or Jake, since you probably care about him more than your grandma.” Henry said in a sing-song voice. He was probably joking, but now that Drew thought about it, he never felt anything for anyone else. Sure, he wasn't emotionless, but he didn't particularly care if they broke an arm, or something.

Drew never did care much about his grandma. He had never met her, either, so that was probably it. 

…he remembered something his parents said about a dead mother or father, but why would Drew care if he didn't feel anything about it?

“Shut up, Henry. And it's just the fact that he keeps on ditching us to hang out with those…freaks. God, they're probably going to embarrass themselves all over again.” Drew grumbled, picking at the school lunch. It looked gross. Even grosser than usual, and wasn’t that strange.

“If I didn't know better, I would think you're in loove!” Liam snickered, winking seductively, and Drew glared at him.

“No, you idiots. We're just friends, duh.” Drew mumbled. “‘Thought that was what everyone meant.” He mumbled even quieter, afterwards.

“Dude, I get that you're…friends. It's just that you never act like that about Liam and I, and you're practically always obsessing about Jake. It's not really best-friend-esque.” Henry said, taking a sip of his signature lettuce juice, which is…gross, by the way.

“Whatever. I like Jake, I like both of you, I don't like the music freaks, end of discussion.” Drew said, staring at both of them in a way that dared them to disagree.

They changed the subject.

_______

Zoey. Zoey was a strange phenomenon. At first, Drew was convinced he liked her. Maybe it was those brown eyes, or the blonde and pink hair. 

Or maybe it was the fact that he could barely piece his memories together, since all the ones without Jake had slipped out of his mind.

…and there were far more memories without Jake than with him, at the time. He had to spend a few days rearranging his memories, since he could barely remember what his own name was.

But, he did care about Zoey, a little bit of happiness which drove him to her. She wasn't nice, but she made the perfect model-girlfriend, so Drew didn't care much.

He did care about her though, he wanted her to be happy, so she didn't know that he wasn't.

But after Jake, Drew's care started to dwindle…

______

“Drew? Drew, what's wrong? Drew?” Liam—Liam? That name sounded wrong. 

Jake, saying his name, the way his mouth moved.

Jake, blinking, the way his lashes collided as his eyes closed.

Jake, walking, walking closer to him—

Jake, his Jake—

“Mmph.” Drew…Drew, grumbled. His head felt light, and heavy, although his heart felt lighter. He had a headache, and he…where was Jake?

“Drew, seriously, you're scaring me.” Henry said, sounding concerned. Drew didn't know why they were worried.

And where was Jake? 

“Wh't's ‘rong?” Drew mumbled, his words slurring together.

Jake, smiling, the way his teeth shimmered in the sunlight.

Jake, holding a remote controller, how he did a stupid dance to celebrate his win.

Jake, crying, as he poured his guts out to him.

Jake, his Jake, his perfect Jake—

“You—you haven't been to school in days, and you won't text us. Or Jake, and you always text Jake back.” Liam mumbled, and he seemed a bit upset by that fact.

Jake, he didn't text Jake back? Oh. Oh Jake probably hated him, and he couldn't have that—

Where was his phone? Wait. When did he get a phone? Why were they in his house? How did they get into his house? How long had it been?

Jake, brushing his hair.

Jake, hugging him, telling him it would be okay.

Jake, calling him when Drew couldn't breathe—

Jake, his oxygen, his sun, his world—

“Drew, talk to us. Your eyes keep on going hazy—have you even eaten? Have you slept? What's wrong?” Henry tried, his hands on Drew's shoulders, shaking him, and Drew blinked.

“‘M okay. Uh…jus’...tired.” Drew mumbled, and tried keeping the haze of Jake from obscuring his vision. 

“Shut up! You're not fine, Drew. You're—you're not anything! You're sitting here, doing God knows what! You're not talking to anyone, not contacting anyone, and you won’t even eat, sleep, or anything!” Liam burst out, and, and—

He had eyebags under his eyes, his usually styled hair was messy—as if someone brushed a hand in it too many times, and he was dressed in only sweatpants and a loose shirt. He looked stressed. But Drew didn't care because Jake—

Drew wanted Jake to hold him. He wanted Jake to love him. He wanted Jake, point blank. He…

…felt a tear roll down his face.

“‘M sorry, okay? I didn't—I'm trying, to be a human, to be real, to be Drew. I'm trying to be alive, to eat, to sleep, to be functional. But nothing matters and I'm trying to find something that matters but the only thing that matters is Jake and he's gone.” Drew gasped out, and he was. 

“Drew—Drew. Don't—Don't cry. It's—Jake's not gone, he's here, we're here, aren't we enough?” Henry said, and he had tears streaming down his face. Drew couldn't, he couldn't look at one of his best friends cry like that—

He let himself drift away with the haze, because in the haze there were no heartbroken friends, no aching hearts, no need to be human.

In the haze there was Jake.

And Jake was enough for Drew, better than the world, than the sun, than anything else in the world.

_______

Drew looked at the blonde haired boy beside him, and smiled, wider than he had in a while. 

Jake caught his eye, and looked surprised for a moment, his eyebrows shooting up, but smiled back widely, if not wider than Drew.

It made a burst of warmth fill Drew. 

Jake was his. He loved Jake. (But not like that, he was a guy. Drew doesn't love guys.) 

_______

Drew looked at Jake and Hailey.

Hailey, a stupid freak who had stolen Jake.

Jake looked so happy, he was smiling, he was grinning, he was laughing.

Drew wanted to tear her apart, to rip out her heart, to drive her away. 

Jake was happy, he was happier without Drew. 

He couldn't be, he wasn't he couldn't—

_______

Drew slammed his back against his bedroom door, glad his parents weren't here, and screamed.

_______

Drew giggled, and stared at the photo in his hand. It was a photo of the ‘Jomies’, and there was Jake and he was smiling.

He looked happy with Drew.

(Not as happy as he was with that freak—)

He scribbled the other faces with black marker.

It was Jake, wasn't it? And he was smiling, and he wasn't with those freaks. Oh, it was Jake, fantastic, wonderful, beautiful Jake.

_______

“Go away, go away, go away, go the fuck AWAY—”

The brown haired boy looked afraid, but left him alone anyways.

_______

Drew didn't want to get up. He didn't want to do anything.

He wanted Jake. He needed Jake, but Jake didn't need him.

Oh, wasn't that funny?

The one, one person Drew loved—loved, wasn't that hilarious?—had left him.

And Drew called him a freak, the final nail in the coffin.

God, Drew couldn't, he couldn't he couldn't breathe he couldn't speak because—

_______

Drew: hi

Liam: drew? drew r u ok? that was heated. r u ok? 

Liam: shuld i come ovr?

Drew: no. don't. actually, fuck you.

Liam: ???

Drew: fuck u. if u hadn't stayed with me maybe jake would've stayed. maybe 

Liam: drew, dude, ur making no sense.

Drew: i dint care, he's gone, okay? he's GONE. don't you fucking understand? he's gone, liam, he hates me. us.

Liam: drew, pls, are u okay?

Drew: fuck you. fuck you. fuck you.

Drew: he's gone, and ur asking if im okay? he's gone, he's gone, liam.

Drew: go away, fuck you, fuck me, i should've done something. i should've just left the freaks alone because i already felt something and so there was no point and it's all my fucking fault oh god

_______

Jake won the competition.

Drew should feel happy about this.

(He doesn't.)

Maybe something’s wrong with him. He knew something was wrong with him. He just…ignored it, because it didn't matter.

But that was the problem.

Nothing mattered.

Everything felt insignificant. He felt things, but he felt things so minorly that most of the time he could barely manage a smile.

And so—so when he felt an actual emotion, it was overwhelming and he needed—

_______

He screamed and screamed and screamed until his throat felt raw—

_______

Crimson.

The color reminded him of something.

Of freckles, eyes, and soft words.

And disgusting jokes.

But all he could think of was chocolate brown eyes.

Of warm hugs.

Of stupid jokes and stupid haircuts.

Of love.

Something hurt.

Maybe it was his heart.

_______

Henry: drew? drewy-bear!!!

Drew: ?

Henry: OH HI I DIDNG THINK U WOULD ACTUALLY RESPOND

Henry: haha i mean hello dude

Henry: uve been ghosting us 4 a while now, u okay?

Drew: yeah

Drew: im fine

Henry: we could come over, if u'd like.

Drew: No.

Drew: don't. I'm fine.

Henry: …

Henry: that wasn't a question, dude:)

Henry: we're coming over.

_______

Drew wrapped bandages around his arms because they were bloody and he didn't know why.

Jake was still gone.

He hadn't texted him, or anything.

Drew felt…he felt…shit—

“Drew! You look like shit!” Henry exclaimed, and Drew jumped. He had a grin on his face, which faltered slightly when he actually looked at Drew. “Really, really fucked up shit.” He added, more concerned that time.

“Yo.” Liam said, looking slightly better than he did the last time Drew saw him. “Oh, you do look like shit. Have you eaten? Or slept? Or showered? It's been like, a week, dude.” Liam asked, and Drew blinked at him.

It felt like much, much longer.

Henry and Liam helped him eat something, and didn't say anything when he couldn't manage anything down.

Henry and Liam helped him take a shower, and brush his teeth.

They helped him re-dye his hair, because his real hair color made him feel antsy.

They helped him clean up his room, which had become a mess.

They helped him go outside. Only for a short walk, but it was something.

They helped him feel human.

They saw his arms, which Drew couldn't clean because he didn't want to see them. 

They hid all his sharp items, for a reason Drew couldn't understand.

They played a video game with him.

They stayed the night, and they all had a cuddlefest during the night.

They didn't say anything when he woke up during the night, they didn't say anything when he cried in their arms, they didn't say anything when he couldn't breathe.

(Well, they did say something. But only good things.)

They made him feel human again.

But of course, that just had to get ruined—

______

He screamed, he screamed because he needed Jake and he was gone and he screamed and screamed and—

______

He wanted to cry, to cry and cry and die.

Not die. That was a bit too far.

(But he was nothing without Jake, so what was the point in living?)

______

Everything felt hazy.

He took a sip.

His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

He took a sip.

Where was he anymore?

He took a sip.

He couldn't remember anything.

He took a sip.

He was outside somewhere, wasn't he?

He took a sip.

“Drew?”

He dropped the bottle.

_______

Drew opened his eyes, which felt much too heavy. His arms stung—that wasn't good. He couldn't remember what happened last night, but his head was throbbing and his mouth tasted acidic.

“Drew, you awake?” A soft voice spoke, and Drew felt his heart melt somewhat. “You—you okay?” The voice asked, and Drew hummed.

“‘Mm, ‘m ‘Kay.” He mumbled, “head ‘urts.” He huffed, and opened his eyes a little. The light burned his eyes, as he suspected, but he could see brown hair and red eyes.

Liam.

Huh. Why did he go to Liam's house?

“You're lucky my parents aren't here, y'know. They would kill me if they knew I had a guy over. ‘Specially if it was you.” Liam huffed, and Drew's face twisted in confusion.

“Why especially me?” Drew asked, and Liam didn't answer.

“...Drew. How…how…how'd you get something sharp? I just…I thought me and Henry…” Liam started, and Drew stiffened. He…he didn't—

Liam didn't push any further. 

Drew was glad.

_______

The first time Drew went to school without Jake was two weeks after they stopped being friends. No one really noticed Drew was gone, and so no one noticed he had come back.

“Yeah! You're back! The Dromies are back together!” Henry exclaimed, a wide grin on his face.

And…and Drew felt something.

“What the hell are the Dromies?” Drew asked, rolling his eyes. Of course, during his fit Henry and Liam went on to name their trio something stupid.

“Homies, but Drew style!” Henry exclaimed, shooting finger guns at Drew, who cringed.

“Uh. I do not have a style, thank you very much. Never do…that, again.” Drew said, gesturing at all of Henry. Liam let out a choked laugh, and suddenly Henry started laughing as well, and well, if Drew started laughing a tiny bit, no he didn't.

_______

Drew saw Jake in the hallway and his heart dropped.

He looked…so happy.

He was with the freaks—the entire gang, and of course he and Hailey were glued together like peanut butter and jelly. He was grinning, joking around, and laughing whenever Hailey blushed.

Blushed.

Were they dating?

Were they—

Drew rushed to the nearest bathroom, and puked his guts out.

He couldn't even look at Jake.

How pathetic.

_______

And that's the end of pt.1! errm i hope it was ok?? idk. so like it's disorganized in the writing and that was on purpose bc ofc drew's head is a bit mushed up at the moment. if it doesn't make sense at some parts, it probably isn't rly supposed to, but u probs still get the gist that drew is OBSESSED, riggght?

also. the way Henry and Liam are handling what's going on may seem bad (ex: not telling anyone, not getting drew any help) but i don't rly think so bc for teenagers the way they dealt with it was pretty cool, and if they told anyone drew would probs js not improve at all and probs would've gotten worse so like idk js wanted to let yall know that. they were probs kind of freaking out as well so that's a reason.

[bigshymen]

sam sulek x fem reader🙏

Sorry for the long wait! This month has been a hectic one. (I hope you don’t mind the angst as well!)

SAM SULEK X FEM READER WHO STRUGGLES WITH BINGE EATING

sam sulek x fem reader

summary : after trashing your boyfriend’s, sam, car with food wrappers and take out containers from last nights binge, you were going to do anything you can to prevent him from finding out.

cw : binge eating disorder , disordered eating , exercise purging , over exercising , angst , comfort , fit reader , insecurity , hopelessness , addiction , swearing , lying , crying , unhealthy coping mechanisms

Shit.

Sitting in your boyfriends car, surrounded by empty wrappers and take out containers from the night before scattered thoughtlessly everywhere, that’s the final conclusion you came to. The guilt gnawing at your gut was worse than the compulsion to overeat.

You’ve been struggling with a binge eating disorder for as long as you remembered. The earliest memory of it that you could recall was during your school days. Stressful evenings after middle school, you were never good at math, turned into nights indulging into the snack cabinet and hoarding food with the aggression of a wild animal from the rest of your family in highschool.

The effects of this long term caused you to gain a considerable amount of weight which did nothing good for your situation. The loss of control you felt over your body led you to believe the only solution was to purge it all by the end of the day to gain some semblance of it. You considered laxities and puking but you knew they fucked up your gut beyond repair among other horrifying side affects.

You resorted to exercise purging some of the excess calories you would binge throughout the day. Finding comfort in being active you decided to take up strength training along side cardio nearing the end of high school, which is how you met your long time boyfriend, Sam.

Sam had been a diver. Extremely active and that showed through his extremely fit body. Your dedication to the gym caught his attention immediately and his passion and unrelenting drive to achieve his goal of becoming a bodybuilder after high school inspired you to work towards your goal of recovery, in secret.

Which, wasn’t sustainable by the way. In fact, you think it worsened the problem. This enabled more binging thinking you could always fall back on your cardio, but you can’t run away from a bad diet.

You wouldn’t dare burden him with your secret struggles with food. You were afraid he’d invalidate your disordered eating because you were in shape or he’d be disgusted and disappointed with your undisciplined habits. He wanted to be with the you that had a perfect body and a healthy mind, not the pig who can’t help but succumb to her glutinous thoughts.

It was a shadow that followed you around everywhere. Invisible to everyone but you.

After a shaky sigh, you wipe a few of the crumbs from the passenger seat of his car. You glance at your lit phone sat haphazardly on the edge of the dash to see a message from Sam, speak of the devil.

“Finished my workout. Lets eat out tonight😛🍴”

Eating out? Fancy. But knowing him this could be another Five Guys date again. His stupid little emojis distract you momentarily from the mess around you, but as soon as a smile lit your lips it was gone. You already feared binging alone, but with him around? You couldn’t risk letting him see the pig you are. You found little ways to avoid this like lying that you were full and you had eaten earlier, but you hating not spending time with him because of your own problems.

And he’d become increasingly unhappier with you eating before pre-scheduled days out and canceling last minute.

Panic grabs you again when you look at the clock and realize the gym is only 15 minutes away so you’ve got to haul ass. You snatch a plastic bag from the backseat and start stuffing the wrappers into it, hands trembling.

Can’t let him see it. Can’t let him know.

You tear a pack of wet wipes open in the glove compartment and start scrubbing at the food stains and crumbs. Every minute feels like a second slipping out of your reach. Entirety too fast. As you clean your mind races trying to conjure up a reply if Sam notices anything. He’s meticulous with his belongings, especially his little pride, his car. He’d definitely notice right?

The pressure mounts you like he’s over your shoulder crushing you himself. But that wouldn’t be so bad. Off topic, you need to get your head in the game girl. - spoken as just as your father would.

With 10 minutes remaining, you stop in a neighborhood on your route and toss the containers into someone else’s dumpster to their visible confusion.

“Sorry!” You hurriedly shout at them as you book it back into your car. Surveying the car, you concluded that it wasn’t perfect but it was passable. You stuffed the trash bag under the seat, hoping Sam wouldn’t find it, and continue driving to the gym, knuckles white on the steering wheel.

You pulled up just as he’s walking out, looking refreshed and energized. He spots you and jogs over, his smile widening as he gets closer. You force your own, your heart racing.

“Thanks for picking me up hon.” He hums, sliding into the passenger seat. As he leans over to kiss you, you hope he doesn’t smell the cheeto dust on you.

“Anytime.” You awkwardly get out, trying to sound casual.

As you drive home, Sam fills the silence chatting about his workout and some training techniques he’s trying. You nod along, your mind still preoccupied on whether you missed anything.

As you pull into the driveway, he gives you a curious look. "You okay? You didn’t answer my question.”

Snapping back into the present, you force another smile.

"Sorry, Yeah, I’m just a bit tired. Long day."

Nodding slowly, long bronze curls bouncing, and seemingly accepting my explanation, he accompanies you inside without anything further. You breathe a sigh of relief as you shut the door behind.

Crisis averted, for now.

You had a few hours before dinner, so you decided to lay on the sofa as Sam takes a shower to clear your head. As you lie your head on a soft blanket, you think about how close you came to being found out. You need to stop this, for both your and Sam’s sake.

After his shower, you find Sam in the kitchen, leaning against the counter top dressed for the occasion. He looks up, noticing you and smiles. "Ready?"

Noticing you hadn’t swapped out your comfortable clothes for something more.. boujiee, he gives you a small frown. “You aren’t going?”

You hated lying to him.

“I’m.. tired. Can we do this another day?” You breathed out after a long pause.

He looked at you with unblinking eyes, usually bright and nut-brown but the dimness of the kitchen casted a darkness above them, now appearing black. You felt a bead of sweat travel down your temple, your gaze flickering from him to the window.

He sighed before taking one hand from the counter and gliding it through his curls. Breaking eye contact for a second before resuming his laser-point stare.

“Did you eat earlier?”

“No.”

An unreadable expression now dons his unreasonably attractive face. He walks over to the large trash bin next to the walkway leading into the living room and pulls a familiar large trash bag from behind it. He opens it in front of you and a bunch of wrappers and fall out dramatically onto the ground, crumbs and all.

“We-we planned this days in advance. Why do you always do this?” As he reveals the extent he figured out, his eyebrows furrow in frustration. His pokered-face before now looked genuinely hurt as he was trying to wrap his head around why you kept avoiding going out with him.

the look on his face is a mixture of confusion and concern.

"What's going on?" His voice was always so gentle, but there's an almost edge of worry underlying his words that made you nervous.

Your eyes felt like they were burning and a familiar feeling of pressure building up in your chest showed your body knew what you were going to do before you knew yourself. Your cheeks felt wet and before you knew it, tears were streaming down your cheeks.

You had burst into tears. "I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't want you to find out like this."

Immediately abandoning the garbage bag, he pulls you into his big arms. “It’s ok, just talk to me.” He reassures, not angry but confused.

Through violent sobs you decided to tell him everything. The binge eating, the shame, and the guilt. The weight of the secret pressed on you as if you were being suffocated.

“Sam,” You began, voice trembling, “There’s something I need to tell you.”

He listens without interrupting, silent. The sensation of his hand rubbing circles into your back soothed you.

Trying to gather your thoughts you finally decide, here goes.

"I've been struggling with.. binge eating. It started in middle school during those stressful nights when, you know, I kept failing math-“ you couldn’t help but stifle a laugh because of how stupid you thought you sounded-“and I felt like I couldn't keep up. I would sneak downstairs after everyone went to bed and eat whatever I could find. It felt like the only way to feel better."

You felt his embrace tighten around and take the opportunity to close your eyes and fully encapsulate your face into the warmth of his boulder shoulder, happy and disgusted at the tears and snot your smearing all over his nice dress shirt.

“A-and it spiraled out of control in high school. I began exercising to try to reduce the damage.. and then I met you. I meant to tell you but-but I was terrified of what you would think of me.”

When I finally finished, he holds your face up gently so you’re looking into his deep eyes. "I'm so sorry you've been dealing with this alone. I don’t even think I could not love you, especially for something like this. And we're a team, okay? We'll figure this out together."

You were so lucky to have him, you thought as you lean your head into his large hand, feeling newly matured tears run down your face again while you apologized about making a mess of his shirt.

Surprised, a smiling Sam hurriedly wipes them with the back of his hand while he reassures you that it’s completely fine.

[thatoneweird014]

my friend showed me firefly by ed sheeran...

That touch starvation fic is coming akitoyers

[bruisedprincess999]

writing/reading fanfics about a real person will always make you creepy and weird, hope this helps! ☺️

[jacksdinonuggets]

Carmilla taking Vaggie to the doctor again cause she is malnourished and doesn't gain any weight?

Lost And Found Oneshots: Doctor's Office

Tw: abuse and implied sh/ed

It had been a while since Vaggie had last been to the doctors. She was healing up good, not having too many flare ups during the day, and her injuries were no longer inflamed. It was great that she was healing, however, Carmilla was still slightly concerned about her. Something that didn’t have to do with her wounds. 

Vaggie was extremely malnourished. She was constantly pale, always trying to sneak into the fridge in the middle of the night, and what was even more concerning, was how she would reject any kind of food if she felt guilty or ashamed for something. One time, Vaggie had accidentally broken a glass and she didn’t eat for the rest of the day. Even when Carmilla tried to bribe her, she refused. Sometimes, she wouldn’t eat at all if it was a certain type of food. It was an unhealthy habit.

Carmilla didn’t want to have to do this, but she made a doctor's appointment. Specifically to talk about Vaggie’s weight. She needed to get this looked at, even if Vaggie didn’t want to go. 

“You’ll be fine, Vaggie, it’s just a check up,” Carmilla spoke to her daughter in a calm, gentle voice. The girl was nervously walking towards the doctor’s office, very clearly anxious. She was holding her mother’s hand, even though she wasn’t little yet.

As they waited in the office, Vaggie stuck close with her mother, not wanting to leave her. She was still pretty scared of the doctor’s. Eventually, they were called back.

Carmilla could tell Vaggie would slip soon. She just looked so scared and was whimpering very quietly. Luckily, She had the diaper bag ready, packed with all the comfort items Vaggie needed. When they took her weight, the doctor frowned.

“Ms. Carmine, I’d like to talk to you outside,” the doctor said. Vaggie pouted and looked at Carmilla.

“It’ll be okay baby. How about you…play with your sensory cube while i talk, okay?” she dug through the bag and pulled out her sensory toys. Vaggie still pouted but didn’t make a fuss when she left.

“Ms. Carmine, your daughter is extremely underweight. She’s 18 right?”

Carmilla nodded

“She is 67 pounds. Most girls her age are 115 to 140 pounds, or 52 to 63 kilograms,” the Doctor told her, “What are her eating habits?”

“Well… she doesn’t eat a lot of food with certain textures. She also doesn’t eat if she knows she did something wrong,” She explained. The doctor looked at his clipboard and hummed something.

“I think she may have sensory issues. She’s autistic, correct?” Carmilla nodded.

“Then that’s probably part of it. The other part might be a form of self-harm. You don’t gotta tell me but if you can think of a reason why she may be using this form of coping, try to talk to her about it and support her the best you can.” The doctor said,

Later that day, after Vaggie had gotten ice cream and a new toy for being so good at the doctor’s office, Carmilla decided to sit her down and talk to her.

“Sweetie? I need to talk to you for a second before you go play,” she said once they got home.

Vaggie sat down on the couch, facing her mom.

“Cariño, what were some of the discipline methods that heaven did?” Carmilla asked.

Vaggie hesitated and brought her knees up to her chest.

“Dun wanna talk about it,” she responded.

“Hun, if you don’t want to talk about it now, you probably won’t want to talk about it later,” Carmilla held her hand and squeezed it.

“A-adam h-hit us if we was behind… ‘nd he’d take away meals if we didn’t want it or did a bad fing,” Vaggie said, tears starting to form in her eyes. Carmilla got up and sat next to her, pulling her into her lap and wiping away her tears.

“It’s okay, dear, he’s not here. Thank you for telling me,” she hugged her daughter tightly. That was why she wasn’t eating. She must’ve thought she didn’t deserve it from what Adam taught her. 

After a Vaggie calmed down, Carmilla got out a notepad.

“What are some textures you don’t like in your food?” She asked. Vaggie couldn’t believe it. She was going to help her?

“I dun wike slimy or mushy foods. ‘Nd leafy things,” she responded. The caregiver wrote those down on the notepad and put at the top of the page, “Do NOT make food with these textures,” 

“Thank you. And just so you know, If you ever get in trouble, I will never EVER hit or starve you,” She kissed the top of Vaggie’s forehead and set her down to go do the laundry.

Over the next couple of weeks, Vaggie finally began to gain some weight. She was eating somewhat normally. It was still a bit hard for her to eat if she was having a bad headspace day but Carmilla, Clara, and Odette were there to help her.

[zimmer-zupastar]

Me ranting how im not gonna eat for the week all day at school

(also me walking into my room)

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty two

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

TW: mentions of disordered eating, weight loss, body image descriptions

october 1, 2018 san diego, california calum

I could barely sleep last night with the excitement of reuniting with Orion at the front of my mind. I get to hold her, touch her, kiss her, be with her… today. It’s finally here. The day that we’ve been pining for is finally here.

I wake up early so I can be ready when she gets here. We slept on the bus last night after we drove out here from Denver. It’s quiet when I wake up, unsurprisingly. I grab my duffel bag of clothes and toiletries and head into the venue to take a shower. There’s no show today, but we’re camped out here for now. I’m supposed to stay at Orion’s family’s house tonight, but the rest of the band and crew are at a hotel.

As I get to the door into the venue, Gus is already here. I swear, the man is always working. His shifts are 12 hours at a time. He’s tired as he greets me, but still cheery.

“Orion comes today, right?” He asks me with a knowing smile. He knows the answer. The question is practically rhetorical.

I smile back at him without a second thought. Of course I’m smiling — I get to see my girl today. “Yep, she’s gonna be here around 10!”

Gus nods and opens the door for me. “Only three and a half hours to go, then.”

We leave the conversation there and I enter the building, looking around for signage to direct me to the dressing room. I find it and head that way. It’s nice to be in the venue this early. No one else is awake, aside from a handful of stray security guys and a janitor that’s mopping the floor.

I take what Orion would call an everything shower. It consists of scrubbing my entire body with a container of sugar scrub I stole from her abundant stash, slathering my body in some body wash from LUSH that she got me hooked on, shaving everything, shampoo, conditioner, exfoliating my face… everything. I want to look, feel, and smell my best for her, even though I know she wouldn’t care if I smelled like cat piss and looked like a complete mess.

When I get out of the shower, I text her, since it’s roughly when she will wake up anyway.

To: my love + stars gooooood morning!!!!! ☀️ today is the DAY!!!! drive safe and let me know when you hit the road. can’t wait to see you my love.

Back on the bus, I try to get my bunk in order. I make the bed as well as I can and organize my stuff so it doesn’t look quite as chaotic.

“Cal? What time is it?” Ashton’s voice sounds from the bunk above mine.

“It’s a little after seven,” I answer, trying to whisper.

“Why are you up this early?” He whispers back.

“We’re in San Diego, dude.”

Ashton opens the curtain to his bunk then so he can look at me. “Shit, didn’t even realize. You excited?” He smiles, already knowing my answer. Another practically rhetorical question.

“Can’t fucking wait.”

—

I spend my morning with Ashton inside the venue, just aimlessly scrolling on my phone while he reads a book. We’ve both downed a cup or two of coffee and eaten a few of the snacks we have backstage. It’s just bananas and granola bars currently, which is fine by me. I’m not really hungry. The excitement is all consuming.

My phone is already unlocked, watching Orion’s blinking blue dot on the Find My Friends app get closer and closer to mine. She stopped at her family’s house on her way here to drop off Duke so we can spend the day together. As her dot gets onto the premises of the venue, she starts calling. I answer instantly.

“Hi,” I answer. Ashton looks over at me then and he starts to smile. I’m sure he’s missed her too.

“Hi, I’m pulling in now. Matt told them I’m coming, right?”

“Of course. You’re his favorite, remember?”

She giggles. “Okay, sure. I’ll see you in a minute.”

“Can’t wait.” And then I hang up.

I get off the couch, brushing crumbs from my granola bar off my lap. I turn to Ash.

“Gonna go meet her. We’ll be back in a minute.”

He nods, looking back down to his book.

I walk around the maze of the backstage area, following signs to the exit. More crew are walking around now, all nodding to me politely as we pass each other. I open the back door to the buses and am greeted by the bright sunshine and Gus’ replacement.

I look around, trying to spot Orion’s silver sedan. I spot it parked behind the buses, but don’t see her.

Then, there she is, walking toward me with a glowing smile on her face, wearing a baggy green hoodie, presumably some shorts that I can't see, and a beat-up pair of New Balances. I take a few jogging steps toward her, but she's running, so we meet after just a few seconds.

I wrap her into my arms as quickly as I can from the moment I see her, but the second she’s there, pressed into my chest, I can’t help but notice she’s… different. Orion has always been tiny. She’s 5 feet tall and has always been pretty thin, but she had some slight curves still. Now, she’s bony and frail. Normally, I don’t like to comment on her appearance unless it’s telling her how absolutely gorgeous she is, except this time. I can’t help it. All I can think is that she’s smaller. I want to comment about it, and I try to hold it in, but I don’t trust myself to be able to do so.

“Hi,” I breathe, my face buried in her hair. I didn’t even remember to take in how short it is now. Her frail frame is the only thing on my mind.

“Hi,” she says back. She’s squeezing me back as hard as she can. Her arms are bonier than normal, somewhat masked by the oversized hoodie, but they’re there.

My hands slide up the sides of the hoodie she's wearing — technically mine — to grip her waist and I can instantly tell just how differently her body is shaped now. She feels fragile, far smaller than she was before. It's so obvious. Has the time apart really been this hard on her? I know it's been bad, but not unhealthily losing 20 pounds bad. Have I just not paid enough attention on our Facetimes? Am I that oblivious?

What happened?

Before I know it, the question falls out. “Did you lose weight?” I can't help it. The words tumble from my mouth and my hands scan her rib cage, feeling how much the bones protrude from her skin. She feels like just skin and bones, but she was trying to hide it under my baggy sweatshirt. Orion steps back so she can look at me.

Now, I notice her face and that her cheekbones jutting out sharper than before. Her cheeks are hollow, her eyes sunken in. She looks sick. 

Has she been struggling so badly this whole time? Why wouldn't she tell me? Did I not look at her at all while I’ve been gone? I’ve seen her face, but I don’t know how I could have missed that it looks like this. My heart aches at the thought of her being too sad to eat, too depressed to move. Things have to have been hard on her if this is how she is now. It’s all my fault.

"Just a little," she mutters. Now she can't even look me in the eye. She's suddenly trying not to cry.

My hands can encircle her waist, completely. She's so much smaller than she was before and there's no way it's healthy for her to be so thin. "Orion, it doesn't feel like 'just a little.'"

Her eyes finally meet mine, holding so much more emotion than I can swim through. What're normally almost orange irises are dark and muddy. "It's fine, okay?"

Her voice is so meek and sad that it pains me to hear. I don't want to press it. We don't need to have a full conversation about her possible disordered eating or stress-starving herself outside of a venue in San Diego. But I can't just drop the fact that she feels like she's down to just her skeleton and organs.

Orion's eyes search mine like she's trying to find the right thing for her to say in the depths of my eyes. I didn't mean to make her cry. I just can't believe that she is so much less of herself than she was two months ago, and I feel like it's my fault for leaving. How can this have happened? Does she need help? I try to put a pin in all the questions I have, but they cloud my thoughts and it's hard to think about anything else. I want to be excited that we’re finally together again, but excited is nowhere near the top of the list of the emotions I’m feeling right now.

"Orion's here!"

"Oh my god, O!"

"Ah! Orion! Cal, why didn't you tell us she was here?!"

"We've missed you so much!"

Suddenly there's a mini stampede of my bandmates, their partners, and some of our crew, all encircling us. It's a mess of limbs and excitement, and I'm pushed back from my girlfriend unwillingly. Everyone else now gets to feel just how frail she is.

Orion is grinning now, a fake smile plastered on her face while giving everyone hugs back and saying how happy she is to see them. Before I know it, Luke is picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder, carrying her inside. Everyone else follows. Orion giggles and tries to answer questions that everyone throws at her. They all are gone shortly, and I don't even realize that Ashton is still standing with me outside until he speaks.

"Alright, mate?" He asks, patting my back between my shoulders. When I lock eyes with him, he's sympathetic, as if he can tell something is wrong.

I don't know what's going on with Orion yet, so I don't want to start talking about it with Ashton. If it's an eating disorder, that's not something I can just share with him without her consent. As much as I want to describe what I just saw in my girlfriend and felt on her body, I can't tell him.

I clear my throat and plaster on a smile. "Yeah, just still in shock that she's here, I guess."

Ashton nods. “C’mon, let’s go save her.”

read next chapter

a/n: !!!!!!!!!!!! hi hope you liked this one!!!! drama is coming :) two cal pov's in a row who am i!!

[corrodedseraphine]

stray heart | hughie campbell x fem!reader | one shot

Pairing: hughie campbell x fem!reader

Summary: After the mission is accomplished, the whole group allows themselves an evening of relaxation and celebration. In the course of it, you find out that too long-hidden feelings and wine are not a good combination.

The one shot is also avaliable on Ao3

5 226 words

Songs which I used here: Green Day - Stray Heart and Ed Sheeran - Tenerife Sea

hughie campbell masterlist | general masterlist

"I can't believe we managed to kill that asshole!" you shouted as you entered the house. For weeks the whole team had been hunting one of the supes, and today you finally managed to get rid of him.

"Let's not forget that he almost killed you too." Hughie sighed, extinguishing your enthusiasm.

"If it weren't for Kimiko you would have been lying dead a long time ago!"

"If it hadn't been for her distracting that cunt, we never would have caught him." interjected Butcher.

"You acted like a real badass!" Kimiko added, handing you the phone on which she had written the message.

"We... deserved a reward!" exclaimed Frenchie. "I will prepare the most wonderful supper, feel invited!"

"And I have to risk being poisoned?" M.M. laughed.

"That was a blow straight to my poor heart, bastard!" shouted Frenchie putting his hands to his chest. "Still, in two hours I invite you, dress up as if you were going on a date with the president or receiving an Oscar. This evening belongs to us!" After these words, you all dispersed to separate rooms to freshen up a bit and change clothes. From the moment you discovered that Neuman also had superpowers you knew that you had to be more careful, so a change of residence seemed to make sense. Together with Kimiko and Frenchie, you moved into a small house on the outskirts of New York City that you had inherited from your grandmother. Hughie, Butcher and Marvin had their own apartments, but you still spent most of your time at your place. It was a base of sorts, since no one knew of its existence. At least that's what you hoped.

After taking a shower, you started looking through your clothes. You didn't have a lot of them with you, but there were a few summer dresses. You liked the idea of Frenchie. After days of hunting supes, running and playing with death, you really deserved one evening of pleasure. You looked at the mirror standing against the wall. The reflection in the mirror showed you a person you couldn't recognize. Scuffed up eyes, bruises and cuts almost all over your body, scars that will probably never disappear again. A wreck of a person stood before you. You never thought of yourself as someone who could be called beautiful. Now you knew that you were far from beautiful. Especially when Annie appeared nearby. She was your friend, no doubt, but no matter how hard you tried you couldn't stop the feeling of jealousy. She had everything, a beautiful face, hair and a perfect figure. Something that, in your mind, you would never be able to match. When you were alone it didn't bother you so much, you had long accepted the fact that you wouldn't be like her. However, the green monster in you was awakened every time you saw how Hughie could not take his eyes off her. Every time you looked in his direction, his eyes were on her. For months you defended yourself against the thought that you felt something more for him. However, it was all stronger. Every night you lay staring at the ceiling wondering what to do so that he would finally give you the attention you so desperately craved. You prayed that for once he would look at you the way you looked at him. Every night before you went to sleep, you made up fake scenarios in which he would finally see something more in you. For a long time now, you no longer had the strength to hold back the storm of emotions that was inside you when he stayed intimately close to you. The warmth that filled you from the inside whenever you saw his smile, or heard his laugh. The chills that ran through your body every time you accidentally touched each other. Even a gentle flick of his hand was enough, nothing more. The way you are always there for each other and no matter how messed up the situation becomes you never leave each other. Every time one of you nearly died in the middle of the action, afterwards you threw yourselves into each other's arms feeling grateful that you made it. When you were still living in the basement under the pawn shop, every time you were haunted by nightmares and couldn't manage to sleep he always let you sleep with him. He told you silly stories just to occupy your thoughts with something and let you fall asleep peacefully. Even if at first you fell asleep with your backs to each other, in the morning you woke up in his embrace every time. You missed it so damn much. Along with the nostalgia, you also felt pain each time you were reminded that he would always see you as a friend. You sent your reflection a sad smile and began to change into a dress, and later decided to put on some makeup, hoping that maybe without the visible bruises and the cut wound on your forehead, Hughie would see at least some beauty in you. In the meantime, you heard a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in!" you shouted and saw Kimiko enter the room uncertainly. You grinned at the sight of her. The two of you had grown very close over the past few weeks.

"I need help." she signed. When you moved in together you began to teach her how to write and use the phone, and in return she taught you and Frenchie her language. So far you only knew basic phrases, so she communicated with you over the phone most of the time.

"Is something wrong?" you asked worriedly, and she shook her head negatively.

"Frenchie told us to look nice, and I don't know how to do it." she handed you a device.

"Let me just finish my makeup quickly and take care of you, 'kay?" you grinned. She answered you with the same. "In the meantime you can look through my clothes, maybe you'll find something you like."

Excitedly, she ran over to the clothes and started browsing. Every now and then she changed the idea by showing you more and more strange combinations, and when it was time for makeup she couldn't sit still as the brushes tickled her skin. When you were finished, you both stood in front of the mirror.

"You look beautiful." you said. She was wearing a slightly oversized red dress with open shoulders. It perfectly matched the red lips. At first she didn't want to agree, but you persisted and after a moment, she agreed. You could see little happy sparks in her eyes. She momentarily infected you with all the positive emotions that were from her.

"You too." she replied. You were dressed in a cream-colored floral dress with a large neckline, and a silver necklace sparkled around your neck. Kimiko insisted that since she had painted her lips such a conspicuous color you must too so you decided on a strong, bright pink. For the first time in a long time you looked at yourself in the mirror and saw someone you didn't want to look away from right away. Satisfied, you left the room. It turned out that everyone was just waiting for you.

"Ah! belles femmes!" shouted Frenchie. He was dressed in black pants and a shirt over which he wore a gold jacket. "Do you see, you yahoos? The girls understood the assignment! They look like a million dollars!" he excitedly grabbed both of you by the hands and pulled you towards the table. "y/n" he kissed your hand and pushed back the chair. When you sat down he squatted you back down. "mon cœur" He did the same with Kimiko. "I knew I could count on you. As punishment, the rest of you should only get a piece of dry bread and a glass of water, the feast should be for those who can appreciate the situation." He rolled his eyes. You were amused by this. In fact, Hughie, M.M and Butcher were sitting at the table in jeans and T-shirts.

"I think this one time we can forgive them," you laughed looking ahead.

"Frenchie is right, you do look beautiful." Hughie commented looking straight into your eyes. You felt a strange nervousness. You can't remember the last time you received eye contact.

"Ha, a homeless person would dress better than you!" Frenchie continued his dramatic performance pretending to be offended. However, at some point you zooned out completely focusing on the person sitting in front of you. Even in a simple T-shirt, he looked good. He didn't need a suit to impress you. He might as well have been sitting there now in a stretched out tracksuit, and you could still admire him for hours.

"Do I have something on my face?" his voice snapped you out of your reverie.

"Oh! N-no..." you choked out. You felt your cheeks burning from the embarrassment of being caught staring at him. You quickly got up from the table and went to the kitchen with the intention of helping to bring down the food. Once everything was set up on the table you turned on the music in the background and got busy eating. You were so hungry that no one even tried to talk. Only when your stomachs were finally full did Frenchie get up from his seat.

"I propose a toast, to a successful mission!" he grabbed a bottle of red wine and poured for everyone. After the first few sips, you felt your muscles gently relax. You sat like this recalling the course of the last mission. The wine was pouring at an amazingly fast tempo, thanks to which even Butcher seemed to be relaxed and joked with you like never before. The mask of the tough guy was put away for a while, you could even tell that he was enjoying sitting with you at that moment. At one point, a familiar tune reached your ears.

I lost my way, oh baby, this stray heart

Went to another

Can you recover, baby?

Oh, you're the only one that I'm dreamin' of

Your precious heart

Was torn apart by me

"I love this song!" Kimiko signed.

"Then let's dance," Frenchie pulled her by the hand to the middle of the living room where they began to move and jump to the rhythm of the music. "Petit Hughie! Invite y/n to dance!" he shouted. "Be a gentleman!"

And you, you're not alone, oh-oh

And now I'm where I belong

We're not alone, oh-oh

I'll hold your heart and never let go

The boy looked at you with uncertain eyes, and you responded with a slight smile. He drunk up the rest of his wine and extended his hand toward you sending you the most charming smile you had ever seen. It's a good thing you were still sitting at the time because you were sure your knees would have bent momentarily. Joining "the dance floor," you got close enough to smell his cologne. You had a feeling that your head was spinning, you didn't know if it was because of his presence and that smell or because of the wine. At that moment it was all the same to you, all that mattered was Hughie all the time smiling broadly at you as you moved to the rhythm of the music.

Everything that I want, I want from you

But I just can't have you

Everything that I need, I need from you

But I just can't have you

"I never thought I would dance to Green Day songs." he laughed, moving closer to you.

"I didn't either. But tonight we can do whatever we like!" you laughed feeling happy. He grabbed your hand and turned you around a few times.

"Everything?" he asked having his lips right next to your ear.

"No limits," you answered on the inhale. 

I said a thousand times, and now a thousand one

We'll never part

I'll never stray again from you

This dog is destined for a home to your heart

We'll never part

I'll never stray again from you

Not wanting to interrupt the touch, you placed your other hand on his shoulder and he placed his own on your waist. A familiar shiver ran through your body, but you hoped he didn't notice.

You're not alone, oh-oh

And now I'm where I belong

We're not alone, oh-oh

I'll hold your heart and never let go

It's been a long time since you were as close to each other as you are now. Again you could feel the warmth that you so badly missed. The closer you got to the source, the more all the rest seemed distant to you. Suddenly everyone who was with you in the living room dissolved into nothingness leaving you alone.

Everything that I want, I want from you

But I just can't have you

Everything that I need, I need from you

But I just can't have you

"Everything that I want, I want from you..." you sang softly. You lifted your gaze meeting his bright eyes. Soft wrinkles appeared at their corners when he once again smiled. Then it occurred to you that despite the countless times you had cuddled and slept in the same bed, your faces had never been as close together as they were now. With your gaze you wandered over his face until you finally stopped at his lips. 

Everything that I want, I want from you

But I just can't have you

The words of the song rumbled in your head as you decided to close the minimal gap that was between you. His lips were exactly as you had imagined. Warm and soft. The kind you might never have pulled away from again. However, a shocked Hughie violently drew in air and put his hands on your shoulders gently moving away. The confusion on his face terrified you and before he could say anything you panickedly ran out of the house.

"What the hell just happened?" he asked looking around the room.

"I'll ask it another way, what the hell are you still doing here?" asked M.M. Kimiko aggressively signed to him, telling him he was an idiot and ran off after you. "You've been playing cat and mouse for months. You stare at each other as if you were the eighth wonder of the world, but only when the other one isn't looking, like in some damn kindergarten, Hughie."

"We can feel your hearts getting off the hook, Petit Hughie." interjected Frenchie.

"After all, we're just friends!" he said sitting down on the couch wiping his sweaty palms in his pants.

"And you want to be just friends?"

"No...but that would ruin the whole relationship between us. W-what if it doesn't work out between us?" he combed his hand through his hair.

"I've never seen anyone look at someone with so much love in their eyes as she does at you! With that kiss she gives you her heart on a tray, and you threw it on the floor and trampled it!" At the sound of these words, he felt a strange pain in his chest. And the thought you feeling rejected only intensified it. He remembered the moment when he first felt that you meant much more to him than he would have expected.

A quiet knock on the door rang through the room. Puzzled, he looked at his watch, which showed three o'clock in the morning.

"Yeah?" he asked loudly and turned on the lamp. The door opened and there stood you with a far too large t-shirt and fabric shorts that revealed your bruised legs. When he shifted his gaze to your face he noticed swollen and glazed eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked worriedly, sitting up straight.

"I can't sleep... I don't even know why I came here... These nightmares don't let me rest, I can't handle them alone." The sound of your breaking voice awakened in him the desire to protect you from all the evil of the world. He never wanted to hear it again. Without thinking, he quickly jumped out of bed and took you in his arms. You stood like that for a long moment, until he felt you shivering.

"Shit, are you cold? Come on, cover yourself." He pulled you to the bed, where you sat with your legs crossed, which he immediately covered with a quilt, then he went to close the door and when he returned, he sat down opposite you. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know... every time I close my eyes I see blood. Blood everywhere. Blood, guts and limbs scattered all over the room. And then I'm in a completely different place, tied to a chair when Homelander makes me choose who to kill first. There you all are M.M, Kimiko, Frenchie, and Butcher. He makes me watch as he slowly kills each of you. Every night I'm afraid to go to sleep because I know I'll have to relive it all over again like I'm in some kind of cursed hell loop!" tears began to run down your cheeks. The sight of you at that moment was breaking his heart, he couldn't explain why, but he couldn't stand it and felt an incredibly great need to hug you and take from you all the pain you were feeling.

"Y/n, listen to me please." he began, grabbing your hands. "I'm here, okay?" he started moving closer. "We're all okay, I think even Butcher, who is rambling God knows where, is okay. After all, a bad things never dies." A quiet giggle came out of your mouth hearing the last sentence. However, his touch also made the fear slowly begin to retreat. "Everything will be fine, I promise. You're not alone in all this, you know. You're always welcome here, even in the middle of the night." he assured. Unexpectedly, you took your hands from his and shifted so that you could hug him. A pleasant warmth spread over his body, and a smile crept onto his lips.

"Thank you." you whispered.

"You're welcome, that's what ... friends are for." the last words didn't want to pass his lips. Until now he had no problem calling you his friend, but now he wasn't quite sure if what he felt for you at that moment could be described as a purely friendly reaction. He wanted to kiss every tear from your face ending with your lips. He quickly shook his head to rid himself of these thoughts. Unfortunately, feeling his sudden movement, you moved away, and the warmth in which he could have drowned just a moment ago was replaced by a cold longing.

"I should go back, I'm sorry I woke you up." You said getting out of bed.

"No!" his mouth was faster than his brain. "I mean..." he grunted. "You can stay here if you want, I haven't been sleeping very well lately either." He scratched his neck nervously while watching your reaction. He was relieved to see the corners of your mouth lift up and you were next to him again. "Maybe in company we can get over it." Without a word you both lay down with your backs touching.

"I can't stop thinking about it, Hughie..." you whispered.

"Maybe you want to listen to music?" he suggested, remembering how he always played his favorite playlist during sleepless nights and focused only on it.

"Will you pick something for me?" you asked uncertainly. You had several songs in your head that you could listen to, but you felt that you wanted him to choose one. Something special, something just for you. After a while, a quiet melody reached your ears.

"Just don't make fun of me!" he laughed. He didn't care if you laughed at him. At that moment, all he cared about was driving all the bad thoughts away from you and putting you to sleep. "And um- try not to think too much, okay? Just focus on the song." he instructed.

You closed your eyes focusing on the pleasant sounds of the guitar and Sheeran's soothing voice. You smiled to yourself, wondering if the choice of singer was intentional. You had mentioned several times in the past how much you liked him. There was a veritable storm going on in Campbell's head. He wondered if he had not exaggerated, if the choice of just this song was too obvious and if it would scare you off. What he didn't know was that you would never in your life be able to believe that he could dedicate any love song to you under any circumstances. Focusing only and only on the song, just as he told you to, you fell asleep with the conviction that he had chosen it only because it was peaceful and soothing. One that allowed you to feel safe enough to fall asleep. Nothing more.

Should this be the last thing I see

I want you to know it's enough for me

'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need

I'm so in love

So in love...

Listening to the words of the song himself, he wondered if what he was feeling now could be called falling in love? Tonight he felt as if these feelings fell on him suddenly and powerfully. But he didn't want to defend himself against them. There was something about you that made him want to go further. Unfortunately, he didn't know how. Nor did he know how to find out if you would feel the same. So he decided that for the foreseeable future he would act as if nothing had ever changed. Good old friend Hughie. Except for tonight. Making sure you were definitely asleep he gently put his arm around you pulling you closer. "Fuck it." he thought and dipped his nose into your hair sniffing it. Intoxicated by the fruity scent, he couldn't stop the thought that he wanted to be like this forever. Cursing himself in his soul for his selfish attitude, he prayed that the nightmares would haunt you more often, if that was the only way to spend the night with you by his side. 

"Jesus Hughie, quit being a pussy and run for her you moron! I'm not going to buy you chocolate ice cream for a broken heart later!" Said Butcher while topping up his wine. "Go before it's too late."

"But what should I tell her?" he asked panicked.

"The truth!" the loud voice of M.M brought him down to earth a bit. Without waiting any longer he went out in front of the house to look for you.

You were sitting on a bench looking up at the sky. Kimiko silently sat next to you holding your hand. The makeup you had put so much effort into was already smudged by tears. You felt ugly again. In the simplest sense of the word. Simply ugly. You knew that when you got home and looked in the mirror you would feel bad.

"He's a douche." Kimiko signed.

"Nice, you say, but it's not true." you said sending her a sad smile. "We can't blame him for not feeling the same way I do."

"But..." sadness and sympathy were painted on her face.

"It's okay." interrupted her by grabbing both her hands. "I've made peace with it, you know? I'll never be beautiful enough or my character equal to Annie's." She sent you a questioning look.

"Every time I look at him, his gaze is on her. I am not surprised at all, probably for him she is a walking ideal. You don't even know how much I would give to have him look at me like that even once..." You sighed, returning your gaze to the stars.

"You don't even know how many times I looked at you with such admiration that it hurt." you heard a voice say. Kimiko immediately stood up and walked towards it. "Kimiko, please let me talk to her." he said. Under the influence of his voice, you became still. You didn't dare turn around. After a moment, however, out of the corner of your eye you saw him sit down next to you.

"You don't have to be here Hughie, I can handle it." you said quietly.

"But I want to. I want to be by your side." he grabbed your hand. Feeling his touch, you felt another wave of tears come to your eyes. "Do you know why you keep catching me staring at Annie?" He continued. "Because you are always next to her. And when I see that your sight wanders in my direction I panic and stare at her. It's not that I don't like your eyes! No, I love your eyes and could stare into them for hours! Sometimes I feel like you hide all the stars in the sky in them, especially when you talk about something you like, they get so glassy and shiny then." he laughed nervously.

"Hughie, you don't have to lie, you know that?" the words struggled to pass through your throat.

"What are you talking about? I'm just trying to tell you that I love you, and you think I'm lying?" you could sense the irritation in his voice, but that's not what you focused on. His confession completely caught you off guard.

"Y-you love me?" you howled.

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "From the moment you first came to my bed in the middle of the night in that damn basement! Wasn't it obvious? The song I played?"

"I... I thought you only played it because it was peaceful and was able to put me to sleep," you said.

"From that night I started to create a special playlist that I could play to you every time you came to see me again." he confessed.

"Why didn't you ever play it?" you asked disappointedly.

"I was panicking. Every time I wanted to do it I thought that if you guessed that I felt something more you would run away from me and never come back. That's why I preferred to tell you silly stories not at all related to my feelings." you answered nothing. You still couldn't believe that everything he said was true, and then, as if reading your mind, he went on. "Why is it so hard for you to believe that I can love you y/n? I know I didn't show it. I was a coward. I always waited for the right moment to tell you, but it never came. But I'm here now and I have to finally get it off my chest because I can't take it anymore! You did something today that I should have done months ago. Something I've dreamed of every time I've seen you!" He squated in front of you forcing you to look at him. "Now I know what a big mistake I made keeping it a secret all this time. You deserve the truth, y/n. You deserve to know that you are the most beautiful in the world and about how I feel about you."

"But... I'm not like Annie. I will never be. I don't have a perfect figure, most of my body is bruises and scars that I won't get rid of too soon because I'm not one of the supes and I don't have the ability to heal myself." you let out a torrent of words. " For the rest of your life looking at my face you will see this nasty scar." you said pointing with your hand to your forehead.

"They make you even more beautiful." he commented without thinking.

"What are you talking about?"

"Every scar makes you more beautiful. And this one here?" he said putting your hair behind your ear. "It will always remind me how without hesitation you threw yourself at one psycho with superpowers just to save me and M.M from being sawed through by a laser in that asshole's eyes. If you hadn't distracted him then we would have been long gone. This is a reminder that in addition to your beautiful appearance, you also have a beautiful inside. And about not messing with you, because if you weren't scared at that time, that means you could easily kick my ass."

"I was terrified Hughie..." you said.

"I am so sorry for my reaction. I shouldn't have pulled away from you, but I was in complete shock."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"No, I'm glad you did. Now I have confidence that you feel the same." A familiar charming smile appeared on his face. The one that always made your heart melt irrevocably. The one that always infected you and made you smile too. "I love this view."

"What?" you asked.

"Your smile. I sometimes feel that it's your superpower. All you have to do is smile and everything bad disappears."

"Stop it, I probably look awful," you jokingly regarded him in the shoulder. "With that smeared makeup? As if some psycho clown escaped from the circus."

"As for me, even with smeared makeup you look awfully beautiful." Feeling the atmosphere between the two of you improving, he stood up and pulled you behind him. You were now standing facing each other. With a gentle flick of his hand, he rubbed your cheeks wanting to get rid of the mascara marks. "Damn. I think I smeared it even more." he laughed. He heard your giggle in response. You stood there with your head facing up and watched him. In the moonlight, he looked as if he wasn't real. He looked fairy-tale, almost mystical. As if it was just another dream starring him. "Still beautiful." he whispered while hugging you close. Both of you wanted to stop time in that moment. Your hearts, after a moment, synced up beating just as hard as if they wanted to tear your ribs apart and merge into one.

"If this is a dream, I never want to wake up again." you muttered into his chest.

"Y/n." he said quietly. "This is not a dream, please believe me that everything I said is true. If you don't believe me I will never forgive myself for how I lost the greatest person in the world through my own cowardice."

"I believe you, Hughie." you replied touched. Was that really it? Was this really the evening in which your dreams came true? You thought back to all the fake scenarios you created in your head with him in the lead role. None of them could match the beauty of that moment. Nothing could.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked even more quietly. You nodded, and as he slowly began to lean toward you, unable to wait you stood on tiptoe connecting your lips. This time no one pushed anyone away. On the contrary, you desperately tried to be as close to each other as possible.

"Everything that I want, I want from you," you sang softly pulling away from his lips.

"And you can have me. You have all of me." He assured again finding your lips with a smile.