#For someone who cannot function without the ability to listen to something

[hephaestuscrew]

Listening to fiction podcasts with my dodgy headphones is so humiliating because when there's a long pause in what I'm listening to, I'm sat there trying to guess if it's for dramatic effect or a scene transition, or if my headphones have just decided to stop working.

[cod-dump]

hi! I feel a little bit bad for asking since you JUST posted "Time" (the monster handler AU), but would you mind giving any HCs/details about the verse? Like (if you need ideas):

assuming the insectoid is Roach, what're his abilities?

what is demon!Ghost's personality?

what eras are Soap & Gaz originally from?

what event led to Price summoning Ghost?

also: the moment I read that Nik was some kind of lycan, the term "bear" came to mind 😅 anyway, I always love your drabbles/ficlets! It's like getting a new episode of my favorite show! Have a great weekend...oh & what kind of monster would YOU want to be?

I don’t mind at all! I have been wanting to talk about it :)

———

Roach is indeed an insectoid! His face is mostly human but he still covers up to hide it from everyone. He doesn’t think he’s ugly or anything (some have described his face “moth-like” with ant antenna) he just had too many run-ins with people who are deathly afraid of bugs.

• He has regenerative abilities (if he loses an arm it will grow back the next time he molts). But if more serious damage is done to something like his head or chest, he won’t be able to recover from that.

• Roach has venom (it paralyzes whoever he bites but if he injects too much it can cause lasting damage to their nerves). Roach has accidentally made someone permanently lose all feeling and function in everything below their waist. Now he’s very careful when using his venom.

• He can stay underwater up to twenty-four hours before he needs to get air (this is helpful since he isn’t a very good swimmer)

• Roach is pretty strong. Not fifty times his own body weight strong but more like twenty (he has picked up a couple teammates and ran because they were in danger and the assholes weren’t listening to him).

• Roach loves sweets. He’ll eat anything without complaint (he’s eaten rotten carcasses before) but sweets are his absolute favorite.

• And, last of all, Roach can communicate and control some insects or creepy crawlies! He’s like the ultimate bug queen (don’t call him that). Flies, ants, roaches— They all listen to him. Bugs also tend to stick around him (he attracts them).

-

Ghost more or less the same. Though everyone questions if he genuinely cares about his team and the people he works with or if it’s just a ploy. He mostly sticks around Price (for obvious reasons) but he does venture out on his own (no one knows what he does). He’s good at hiding that he’s a demon and people tend to only find out when someone tells them. Ghost never likes revealing what he is to people unless the absolutely have to know (it causes distrust and that isn’t good for missions).

-

Soap is much older than Gaz and follows the old vampire laws. Cannot enter a privately owned building without verbal permission, contact with sunlight is almost always lethal, can’t tolerate garlic, can’t eat human food without projectile vomiting— all the things people know vampires for. His much older bloodline is the cause for him having to follow these strict laws (and he’s miserable because of it). Soap was turned against his will centuries ago in Scotland around 1300 (where he was born) by a woman that was supposed to be his bride. He’s long cut contact with her, not agreeing with her idea of changing him so they could be together forever.

Gaz is much, much younger than Soap. He was born shortly after WWII ended in England and was turned around 1963. He says he was turned unwillingly by vampire who he would later kill. This act should have cured him of his vampirism but he remained a vampire (it is uncertain why). Because of Gaz’s bloodline, he doesn’t have to follow the old vampire laws (sometimes he does so in a mocking/teasing way).

-

Price summoned Ghost years ago after his captain was brutally tortured and murdered by an organization that would later be revealed to be lead by Vladimir Makarov, a descendant of what people believe to be Dracula himself (though Dracula is more or less a over hyped vampire that many agree wasn’t the strongest or even a well liked vampire).

Price knew that he, as a simple human, wouldn’t be able to stand a chance against Makarov so he made a spur of the moment decision to find a way to fight him. One dug up corpse and ritual later (which resulted in the Zaragoza Drug Cartel in being massacred), Price would summon a demon that he would later name Ghost. This all happened before he met Laswell or Nik, of course.

If he had something in his life worth keeping, someone to care for or look out for him, he wouldn’t have sold his soul. But he was young, upset over his captain’s death, and he wanted to do something about it. Dwelling on it won’t change anything, so Price has just accepted that Ghost will someday eat his soul.

Until then, they have work to do.

-

Yes, Nik is a bear-like lycan. He has blond fur with dark roots which led to Price nicknaming him ‘Blondie’. Considering Nik’s human form has black hair, no one gets why Price calls him that (until they see Nik turn, that is).

-

Dragon. Dragon anything, really. Fucking love dragons omg-

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

want autistics who have fluent functional communication to understand that:

how frustrate it is to not have functional communication even though “all behaviors are communication.”

yes, many behaviors are communication (but not all—there are nonspeaking autistics with severe apraxia have written about how cannot control body). you can communicate without speaking mouth words, or without language at all. these are all valid communication.

but valid communication doesn’t mean functional communication.

and i don’t think people who never struggled with functional communication (frequently lower support needs & verbal/speaking people even if you lose speech) should be at forefront of this conversation.

as someone without full functional communication in many many aspects of life (what i able to write alone on tumblr very different from how i am able to interact with people), not having fluid functional communication so so hard.

can point to objects i want. when doctor ask to point to where hurt, can do that. when given choices, can point to the choice i want. can nod yes no. meltdown means i am frustrated, overloaded, experiencing a lot of emotions, etc.

but cannot talk about how brain and pain and body feel like to doctor. cannot explain full range of symptoms. cannot say what is wrong if other people don’t notice something obviously wrong. cannot explain why do behavior i did. cannot explain what happened to become hurt. cannot explain why meltdown. if not given option, cannot explain what want, cannot explain what i lost, what i want to find. cannot explain what i feel and why i feel. cannot tell others what wrong to prevent meltdown. consistently don’t have even ability/skill to communicate these. don’t know how to.

for me, consistently either struggle with or don’t have ability/skill to communicate functionally with many types of people and many contexts. other people may not even have ability to functionally communicate at all.

many wordless behaviors are communication. but only communicating through behaviors and noises and gestures is so limiting. communication without language (mouth words, AAC, sign language, etc) leaves out so much that i want to say. want to say but cannot say. so so stuck.

without independent functional communication, rely on other people guess what i want to say. even if people try to have my best interest, even if people kind, still cannot guess the full picture, still may make mistake. and when make mistakes, may not have ability to correct them.

need lots of effort to be understood. very easy not listened to. very easy to ignore. very easy neglected. other people interpretation of my communication very influenced by confirmation bias and their other biases. very easy misunderstood, very easy twist into own agenda. doctor don’t have patience, family don’t have patience. can’t communicate 1/10th of what want to say. can’t communicate with unfamiliar people because they not used to deciphering what i mean.

because that, meltdown very often. because no way to get other people to understand. because don’t know how else to communicate. because other people hold so much power over me. meltdown because feel so so stuck, so trapped, so isolated, so misunderstood, so unincluded.

nonverbal/nonspeaking people can have functional communication through sign language and AAC. there are people who speak some words but don’t have functional communication. some people may not be able to achieve functional communication all their life even when given resources. that okay.

-

most speaking autistics here on tumblr have functional communication. doesn’t mean won’t be misunderstood, doesn’t mean won’t be silenced, doesn’t mean words won’t be twisted, doesn’t mean won’t be abused. doesn’t mean not have trouble socializing. doesn’t mean won’t temporarily lose speech. doesn’t mean won’t be afraid to communicate things.

but it does mean at least have ability to communicate what you want, speak type write AAC sign. can more reliably & effectively & independently tell people what you need, what is wrong, what you’re feeling, the why, the how. can tell story to relate to others. can ask questions. can self advocate. can communicate what want to say. functional communication for those who have it often taken for granted.

valid communication don’t always mean functional communication. all communication should be respected but still need functional communication to more easily live a comfortable life and feel more in control of own life, to more more fluidly engage in world and have needs met and decrease discomfort.

-

but also, do want to say that all forms of communication should be respected. some ABA therapist while “training” for “functional communication” may pretend don’t understand pointing to object or pushing things away and instead insist “use your words/AAC.” do not mean that. think should focus on giving people more ways to more easily communicate especially when others genuinely don’t understand and can improve the communicator’s life if they find way to put to words. not “communicate more appropriately” but give more reliable communication while respecting what is already there. less “no” and replace, but more “yes and” (in most circumstances). should prioritize communicator.

don’t know if how much make sense. is best i can do, may not be able to explain more. don’t really know how to define “functional.” all communication serve a function. not trying to say gestures and pointing and noises don’t serve function. but think trying to say some communication more practical and reliable and detailed and robust than others. maybe “functional” is not best word but “functional communication” is phrase i heard and don’t know how to improve/coin new phrases.

have limited language abilities. please don’t nitpick what word i use. instead please try understand meaning and what i want to say.

-

(psa: don’t need advice on how get functional communication for self. what you see on tumblr different from how able to communicate with people directly. have narrow range of topic have full functional communication in, and acknowledge privilege and ability. but just because can write this doesn’t mean have fully functional communication everywhere.)

[hussyknee]

Democrats gotta be livin in a alternate reality where Biden didn’t publicly accused Palestinians of blood libel, lying & inflating the death toll.

Liberals are fucking delusional, they can’t be out here telling people that if their Democratic candidate does not get elected then something worse will happen because the worse is already here under a Democrat as president. How can it be worse than a FUCKING GENOCIDE ??? What the liberals who say this stuff really mean is, “If you sit this election out, they might elect someone who would do all the things they’re already doing, but to *Americans*, the people who actually MATTERS.

Not just Americans, white Americans. Every other group is already suffering– anti-immigration crackdowns, cop city, a border wall going up, a healthcare system on the brink of collapse, wage slavery under a skyrocketing cost of living, white nationalism, auctioning off half the Gulf of Mexico to oil companies. And even though disabled, trans, poor and Jewish people in the US are all similar levels of endangered, white people in those communities still push this "blue or die" shit because they cannot wrap their heads around the fact that the US has gone so far right that their white privilege has almost no more currency. Most of them are newly poor despite having an education that prepared them to be middle class, and even those who grew up working class are now plunged into the kind of economic instability foreign to even their parents. They are now forced to live the reality that the majority of BIPOC has for generations with no point of reference or ability to adapt, so they cling to what they know. They absolutely refuse to listen to those who have known generational disenfranchisement and systemic exclusion because 1) centering themselves is second nature to them and 2) the problem they want solved is the loss of their white bourgeoisie privilege, not creating equitable resources by dismantling of power structures. Social justice for them is simply about finding a port in the storm, to harbour until their own conviction in the Just World Theory is rewarded and their privileges restored to them.

And the thing is that part of what they're saying is true— Biden's administration has very limited scope to do anything about most of it because these are systems of economic power entrenched in the US establishment, the nexus of which is military operations and contracts. I mean, once you have seen Trump, Biden, Hillary Clinton and Bernie fucking Sanders all take the same party line on Israel's right to raze Palestine to the ground, you cannot possibly have any more illusions left.

Or so you would think. White America is built on the myth that they live at the heart of democracy and enlightened civilization, and anything that contradicts this is an aberration or the work of bad faith actors. That's why they keep saying that the "system is broken" instead of recognizing that the system is actually functioning 100% the way it is meant to. It's why so many of them absolutely refuse to acknowledge that Israel is a settler colony, because America created Israel in its image, and it would mean grappling with the fact that it is also a genocidal settler colony, that they are colonists and beneficiaries of an imperial core that can only perpetuate itself through apartheid and militarization. That both Trump and Netanyahu are not aberrations but simply part of that same ouroboros of violence without the veneer of civility and apologia.

I keep thinking about that liberal white college girl in Knives Out. She made being progressive and an Ally™ her whole personality, defending Marta loudly, pushing back against the conservative politics of her family and earning Marta's trust. But the minute she realized her money was gone and her college fund was in danger, instead of trying to work out an alternative plan or beg Marta for help, she immediately capitulated to the rest of her family and tried to use the goodwill she has established with Marta to try and guilt her into giving up the money. Because approaching a poor Latina immigrant as an equal or from a disadvantaged position is completely anathema to white people across the political spectrum.

Liberals might have turned against Biden during Clinton's time, when more of them were comfortably affluent or had the means of becoming so. I mean, they impeached Clinton not for sexually exploiting his intern but for fucking adultery. But economically and socially destabilised whites will never take the moral high ground over their own interests, even, it would seem, when it comes to three solid weeks of seeing live footage of entire families blown apart, buried under rubble and their homes set on fire. The mask has finally fallen all the way off.

[pagesfromthevoid]

False God | m.m. | 32

Matt Murdock x Avenger!reader

Word Count: 2.0k

Warnings: Violence. Language.

Author’s Note: So close, yet so far. Gif from @spidey-boyy

Series Masterlist | Talk to Me! | Buy me a coffee?

As Maggie led them through the bowels of the church, Matt listened carefully for the police and the FBI. She was still hiding Karen, who was slipping out the backdoor of the church. A little further, and Karen would be able to get away without detection. Maggie motioned for them to follow them through another door, which led through to what looked like a tomb. She looked around, trying to keep tabs on Karen while also masking their presence in the church. Doing both was a bit more difficult than one would expect, even with her experience. 

“They’re getting closer,” Matt whispered, looking around for a moment. 

Suddenly, she cried out in pain, covering her ears. At first, it was a violent ringing in her eyes –like someone shot a gun right next to face. But then, it was like a drill was being shoved through her ear canal; hot and searing. Dropping to her knees, she ground her teeth and held her breath. Matt’s eyes widened as Maggie and him stopped, rushing back to her as she held her head tight between her palms. It was like everything was on fire in her head, interfering with her abilities and ripping them from her very DNA. 

The FBI was doing something –tamping her powers down. Keeping her from being able to manipulate the scene around them. It was like when she was in the Raft, only so much worse. It was not simply confined to a cell –this was everywhere. It was all over the church, spreading and pulling her apart as she gritted her teeth together. Matt could feel something was wrong; the air around them changed. Like it was sparking, but he couldn’t place why. 

“We need to keep going,” he whispered to her, trying to pull her up. 

“I-I can’t get up,” she insisted, shaking her head. Her legs felt like mush, and her head ached like she had run head first into a wall. “They have whatever Ross used on me in the Raft. T-the thing that shuts my powers down.”

“Is that what that static in the air is?” He asked, looking around them. Footsteps were getting closer, louder, as they sat on the floor.

She nodded frantically, biting her cheek now until it bled. “Get out of here,” she insisted, closing her eyes tight. Anything to fight off the pain. 

“I’m not leaving you here.”

“They’re coming,” Maggie hissed, “You need to hide if she cannot hide you two!” Matt looked around frantically as Maggie pushed him towards a cement tomb. “Go, get in here.”

Matt hesitated, feeling the top of it for a moment, before he slid the lid open. Then he moved to lift her up, taking most of her weight on to him as he climbed into the tomb. Once he secured the lid over them, he listened as the agents –including Dex –stormed into the room. She pressed her forehead against his chest, trying to bite back the pain in her head. One of Matt’s arms wrapped around her instinctively, holding her against him as he held his breath. 

The proximity should have been a red flag; the reminder of how much he enjoyed feeling her pressed against him was distracting. She could feel it too; the warmth of being in his arms again. Even when telling herself she didn’t need him, she had to admit that she missed it. But the agony she was in was almost palpable, and the imminent danger they were in was just as bad. Maggie was covering –and doing a damn good job at that. 

Dex ordered Maggie to show the team where Matt and her had gone, disappearing back up the stairs. Matt hesitated, waiting several minutes before he allowed any sort of movement to be made. Finally, when the sound of footsteps had left the building, Matt reached up and pushed the lid of the coffin open. She took a breath, feeling the effects of the dampening device wearing off. Slowly, he helped her climb out of the coffin and stand again. She swayed some, rolling her shoulders to bring herself back to a functional being, then looked up at him with a deep frown.

“You good?” He asked, hands on her arms as he held her steady.

She pulled away from his grasp, nodding some. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be fine. We’ll need to get that device from them –”

“We don’t have time for that, we need to get out of here.”

She hesitated for a moment, unwilling to part knowing that the FBI had something that could render her useless. That made her vulnerable, and she was damn sure that she wasn’t going to be vulnerable again today. Or ever, for that matter. 

Matt called her name though, looking at her pleadingly. “Please.”

She hesitated for a moment, then shook her head. “How many times have I asked you to please come with me, and you chose not to?” Matt’s brow furrowed as he opened his mouth to argue, but she cut him off. “I’ve seen this movie before. I’ve seen how it ends. You are not my home anymore, Matt. And I have no reason to defend a man who would rather be dead than be with me.”

There was silence that filled the air, lingering between them as Matt took half a step forward. She waited, watching him closely.

“I know I’m the one that burned us to the ground,” he started, putting his hands up. “I’m sorry that I hurt you; I’m sorry I took advantage of your love. That I pinned your hands behind your back, and ruined everything. But I am asking you, because I love you, because I know you love me –come with me. Help me finish this.”

Her eyes narrowed, watching him still. Of course she still loved him. There would be no one else that could fill the hole in her soul like Matt Murdock. But she wasn’t going to let him in anymore.

“No.”

And just like that, she walked away from him.

                                         *****

Snagging the device was a little easier than it probably should have been, but she soon discovered the only reason it was shut off at all was because of Jimmy. He had shut it off “on accident,” having knocked it off the stand it was on. When she snuck into the FBI set up, it was easy enough to grab. Jimmy was standing a foot away from it, blocking it from view. But she knew what he was really doing; he was making sure to think about it for her. So she was able to pick it up, let him see her and mask them both from the rest of the world, and grin at him.

Thank God for Jimmy Woo.

“You better get a promotion for this,” she said, patting him on the back.

“So where’s Murdock?” He asked, looking her over for injury. 

“Don’t know; don’t care. He’s not my problem.”

“I’d say I’m glad you finally figured that out, but now was probably the worst time to do so.”

Her brow furrowed as she started yanking out the wires of the device. “What do you mean?”

Jimmy motioned around them. “They think he’s a murderer –they think you are a murderer.”

“Tell something I don’t know,” she countered, looking around now. 

“What I’m telling you is that he might be in actual danger with both the law and his life. Are you really going to let him handle it alone?”

For a moment, she just stared at the agent. There were a million thoughts racing through her head, considering each outcome for Matt. Either he killed Fisk –which, truthfully, didn’t seem like something Matt could do –or Fisk would kill Matt –which did seem like something Fisk would do. 

“Goddammit,” she finally concluded, groaning. “I have to go fucking stop him, don’t I?”

“It might be in your best interest, yeah.”

She cursed again, propping the device against her hip. “I’m taking this with me.”

“Do you need back up?”

“I’m not putting anyone else at risk. Keep them distracted.”

                                           *****

“You make it really hard to fight with you when you’re agreeing with everything I say,” Foggy quipped as she rounded the corner.

“Good. Because I don’t…I don’t want to fight anymore,” Matt admitted, though he looked up as he heard her approach.

She dropped the device at his feet, crossing her arms over her chest. Karen and Foggy looked between each other, then between her and Matt. Waiting for some sort of explosion between the two. Instead, though, she stomped the metal contraption into the dirt with her boot, destroying it. Everyone sort of looked at the ground, watching as the metal pieces clanked at their feet. 

“Fighting is all you know,” she commented idly, finally looking up at them all.

Foggy shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, frowning some as he kicked a metal scrap to the side. “We’re trying to make this work. Is that what you want or are you here to be a smart ass?”

She narrowed her eyes at him, then glanced at Matt and Karen. “I can do both. What’s the plan?” She finally asked.

“We’re going to take Fisk down –the legal way. I think we can get Agent Nadeem to testify against him,” Foggy explained.

“Can you organize a witness that quickly?” She countered, dropping her arms to her sides. 

“Foggy has some connections to the district attorney’s office,” Matt pointed out, eyes blankly trained on her. “He’s going to offer to withdraw from the race for Tower to help us.”

“Ah yes, ruining someone’s life to benefit your need for revenge. Makes perfect sense.” She shook her head, rolling her eyes.

“It was my idea,” Foggy quickly argued, frowning deeply. “I only ran to keep Fisk from killing me anyway.”

She looked at Foggy with a frown of her own now. “What does that mean? Why didn’t you tell me Fisk wanted to kill you?”

“You sort of stopped talking to me,” Foggy pointed out. “Rightfully so, of course. I don’t blame you.”

“Jesus Christ,” she groaned, running a hand over her head then over her face. Matt could hear the blood rushing to her face, as she became angrier. “If you’re in danger, I don’t care how pissed off I am at you –”

“That why you’re here now, then?” Karen interjected. 

The two women’s eyes met, and she nodded once. “Yes, actually. I wasn’t about to let you idiots get yourselves killed. You all have a death wish, and I wouldn’t be a very good superhero if I let you do this alone.”

Something fluttered in his chest. Matt was surprised she had come; she made herself clear in the church. He was no longer her problem, and she didn’t need to be involved. But there she stood, offering her help once more. Throwing aside her hatred and anger at Matt to do what was right. She wasn’t going to let any of them get hurt if she could be there to stop it.

It was why he loved her.

He should have known better all along.

“Is this actually going to work?” She asked, looking between the three now. “Like, genuinely, do you think this will work?”

“It’s going to have to,” Matt said. His tone suggested that if it didn’t work, something even worse would have to happen.

They both exchanged a weary look before she nodded once in understanding. “Whatever it takes, then.”

———

Taglist (CLOSED): @thebisexual-disaster @chims-kookies @ferxaniti @heybabyshae @notalxx @gothicxbarbie @dark-night-sky-99 @blacxk-moony @celestialissues @pinkybee926 @bex-tk1 @jasontoddthezombie @killthebutt4fly @softieekayy @tremendoushearttaco @cbloodmarch @ammiddlechild @venusriver @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @yikes-buddy @buckyspetal @baconlover001 @flimsysquid @reh-llik @messagesinthesky @dreamypanda @happyfern2 @svft-cas @andiforgetaboutyoulongenoughh @deafeningnightcollection-things @milf-murdock

[anagramtransitory]

9. Love can fill the vacuum that says “why bother” or “what if someone tells me that’s not the right way or tells me something is silly lame or incorrect”. It says that I’ll still be loved even while I clean up the worst messes ever made by a human being, that I made, and that there’s no question about that. That there’s no shame because I’m loved and not my work ethic or my house looking nice when I’m home alone not hurting anybody by making messes, not my functionality. Ironically, only that could make me able to function. I can embody what I imagine a combined parent of all of my parental figures would say to anybody that questions the way I do things in my house, which is with kindness, patience, and a refusal to actually listen to them about any of it. To tell them “that’s interesting” and change the subject carefully to something similar but not related to how I do things. Good parents would let the houses of their strange children be questioned and not hold it against anybody, because it won’t be desperate like that. So I can react like that. Like a person who can laugh about the way a person they love lives. My real parents did not have the heart to tell me about the existence of evil or the state of the real world outside our loving home/family, and they did not have the ability to cope with a severely depressed young person for a long long time without improvement from any treatment plus other mental illnesses and problems and extreme anger issues. They did not have the ability to cope because both to this day refuse to give respect and attention to darkness and pain and suffering. Both good people. Neither people are good parents as parental figures for me specifically, and haven’t been since I found out about the reality they sheltered me from pretty much. So all the defense, armor, strength, coping, that’s all been self-parenting. 96% of me as a person/personality. That’s a lot of self-parenting! But once I gave full respect and loyalty and attention to the darkness, and thus to myself, I realized all that was left was kindness coming out of pure blackness and pain, to give meaning to my life, and ever since I’ve realized that pretty much once you’ve got darkness and pain on your side as old friends you cannot possibly be killed by no matter the severity or time stolen in paralysis hells in months and years at a time, then you realize that all the darkness and evil pales in comparison to how bad you thought the world was (pitch black pure animal hell-maze-by-torturer-god, with-only demon inhabitants as animals in that deceptive demon hell torture garden, a fantasy built for your own personal hell on earth to live inside of only to fight god and spite the suicide god wants you to commit, pure lust and greed and sloth and wrath and gluttony and nothing more when all masks are off, nothing deeper that’s true or real), and then you realize that love in all its forms and kindness in all its forms are the best and also most effective ways of living and getting what you want quickly and constantly and universally. No parent could have walked me through all that. My parents produced two different kinds of people, and the one I am is a fighter/changer-type, to improve a situation by any means necessary, both able and willing to do either. So ideally they would have known to tell me the truth about what I was up against, about the way the good makes the majority of the bad look ineffective and silly and short-lived and weak, while the good is what bonds all social animal groups together to help them survive better and is therefore what is best to model to show you belong in a tribe and shouldn’t have your genes or membership left behind for kinder ways of living, which eventually happens, always, due to evolution favoring those “more likely to kill and get killed” sets of genes/traits in favor of ones that help animals be smarter and more harmonized towards common goals and common needs. They ideally would have told me that darkness in myself is one side of a valuable and strong and ultimately built for good sword.

[lockedtowers]

Now one thing really important imo is cassie’s autism, and as i’m audhd in real life, i feel i can talk about it really well based around not only my experiences, but those around me. and a really important thing about it is how you really cannot separate that from her. it’s how her brain was developed and how it functions, without it she’d be an entirely different person, the way the organ that all your other organs connect and listen to is kind of how one is forced to exist in any situation anyways and that’s really not any different here. but cassie, also like me, has been forced to mask so much that sometimes it would be hard for others to really spot the traits even though they’re blatantly there (which i dont mean the faerie traits, i know its a running gag that people will be like ‘oh my perfect baby was replaced by a changeling bc look at how it acts!!!) but no, like yes i do have a lot of faerie characters that are also autistic but autism is also a genetic thing, so chances are if you have it, someone else in your family has it too. you aint off the hook bish. )

now one of the most noticeable things about cassie, at least regarding her main/syfy verse, is the fact she doesn’t really have her own built strong moral compass. like she got in trouble with march and the QoH because she refused to kill a child, she felt like that wasnt okay, and that was a strong reason as to why she wanted to get away, but the stronger reasoning was placed in the arrangement with jack that she had no say in. she’s never had much say in her own life until she was assigned as march’s protégé, so it wasn’t like she wasn’t used to not making choices for herself, but she does not like jack. she does not like the way he looks at her. she hates the way he acts like he owns her. she did not want to be tied to him for any reason at all, and that well and truly fueled her desire to escape that life.

but she doesn’t necessarily understand morality at all, the queen of hearts doesn’t care for that kind of talk to begin with and prefers using the wonders to control people. march of course, while he grew fond of her, wasnt exactly a strong moral compass, but he swayed her a lot while she was with him because she was overall mirroring him. something she tends to do a lot. like, it’s very very noticeable that her best ‘moral moments’ would be when she was with hatter, because despite his own skewed moral compass he’s a better person than a lot of wonderland is, and while she still behaved the way she understood (bring him strays, for instance, because its better if he gets the humans than the hearts, even tho w some of my past friends he would extract the negative emotions from them too which is also kind of scummy but again, cassie wouldn’t understand why that’s bad, she just knows he doesn’t necessarily mind getting the strays so she’ll keep doing it.) she was supposed to, her ability to care about other people was a lot stronger while she was with hatter.

and that really continues on outside of wonderland, too. like girl gave up the freedom she hunted for for years to ensure hatter wouldn’t be killed. she is known to be foolishly loyal to a fault to people she thinks care about her. if you’re nice to her, she’ll probably follow you around and shit because she doesn’t know why she wouldn’t do that. and there are people she’s met who will call her out on shit, like ‘oh hey murders really not okay’ and she’ll be confused for sure and ask why, she’s going to ask why, because thats what she knows and what she understands, and why its ‘not okay’ isnt something she understands, especially since she was still doing it with hatter, if people threatened him she’s just off them and hide the remains because she didn’t want him to get hurt.

which is another thing entirely, how self sacrificial she is, and was, even without a moral system in her little head. because she sees someone in danger that she cares about, she’ll risk her life to save them no thoughts behind it. she’s a necromancy witch and it bled into her faerie power, she cannot really stay dead except in certain situations, but she doesn’t understand or know about that. as far as she knows, its a fluke that’ll end at some point, and if she dies protecting the people she cares about, then its fine… except she ends up protecting people she doesn’t know, too. and a lot of times she’ll do things and protect people who honestly dont give a shit about her.

but that's why i’ll say, a lot of the times, she will act similarly to the first person who finds her in any given situation depending on how they act with her. she’s never had that level of freedom before, and even with the new level of freedom, she also knows she’s still being hunted by jack. she doesn’t get why he views her as such a threat, but she knows he does. but she also doesn’t know how humans interact with each other. as her fae side is half unseelie, she is not able to lie, she physically cannot lie in any way. the worst she can do is avoid answering or respond in such a way that the information is true, but bundled so you can’t figure out what she means. as a cat, and specifically a cheshire cat, she already speaks in a ‘weird’ fashion to most, but theres reason behind that.

and she ends up behaving like the people she spends the most time around because she is always observing them, always watching, and learning their behaviors, learning their nuances, and repeating them back to the person. she’s watching, and she’s mirroring, which is both an autism related thing and a cat related thing funnily enough (a LOT of cat behaviors and autism behaviors are similar, tbh, its weird) and unfortunately most of her understanding and comprehension and mirrored traits have come from the men in her life (and any perkiness or excitability probably came from watching carlotta, tbh) and she struggles a lot with socialization since she doesn’t necessarily understand, but she will be the most loyal person you can find or have on your team. it’s just a matter of how well behaved she’ll be in the process.

[beaisdifferent]

Dungeons and Doing My Best

    So, motivation isn’t strictly necessary for doing something, but it is really, really¸ helpful.  I don’t want to take the trash to the curb.  Even though it will take less then three minutes for me to put my shoes on and drag the bin down to the end of the driveway, I don’t want to do it.  So sometimes it goes ignored, until I’ve missed the Monday morning deadline and have to deal with an overstuffed bin for a week.  That motivates me to put it out, even pull it down early the night before.  But without the motivation, its just too easy to let the trash pile up beside my porch, where I also don’t want it to be.  So I just have to pull myself by the ear and take the three minutes to put my shoes on and take out the trash, or just do it when I already have the shoes on, such as when I’m going for a run or taking the dog out.  It always makes the bin feel a little heavier somehow, but it gets done.

     Lacking motivation makes things harder than they need to be, plain and simple.  There always feels like there’s more dishes, more people in line, more things to be said in a phone call when you just don’t have that kick of motivation to make them happen, making even mundane tasks feel like something you have to muscle through.  On the opposite hand, when you do have motivation—oh shit—that’s where it’s at.  When I properly feel motivated to do something, It’s like I’ve got those springs in my shoes you always used to see in cartoons, a literal spring in my step boosting me through the tasks that can become very easy, or even pleasant.

     Finding motivation isn’t always easy, especially for someone prone to procrastination as they try to focus on what they’re actually motivated to do that day (it’s not usually focused on taking out the trash).  So I’ve come up with a way to satisfy my desire for self-improvement with a hyperfixation as well as a work around for making my problems not feel like mine so they are advertently easier to handle.

     Those of you who are familiar with DnD already know about stats and character building, so feel free to skip this next part.  Those of you who don’t, please follow me into a brief, oversimplified explanation of how a character functions in this tabletop role playing game.

     You are given six stats: Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Wisdom, Intelligence, and Charisma. 

Strength: Hit, swing a sword, wrestle a fellow.

Dexterity: Sneaky your way past the guards, jump to safety when the rope bridge snaps, steal.

Constitution: stick it out, shake it off, hold your liquor. 

Wisdom: read the situation, understand people, make good decisions.

Intelligence: Book learning, nerd stuff.

Charisma: make friends and influence people.

     So these six basic abilities are the building blocks of what your character can and cannot do.  While we can’t simplify our life skills into numbers so easily, I have been thinking on a way to make daily tasks easier with the motivation of measurable progress and change.  So I present to you, the “DnD real person who’s trying their best stat chart”

     You have six stat blocks, just as your character would, and every week you start with a vase of 10 for each slot.  The goal, of course, is to grind and get those numbers up so you can slay the kobolts, mind flayers, feelings of paralysis, bees in your brain—whatever you’re tackling that week.    How do we build each stat?  Looky right down here.

Strength: You add plus one to this stat block every time you do a strength based exercise.  This can mean weight training, body weight exercises, or walking up and down the stairs until your thighs are aching with all the muscle their growing for you.  Everyone is going to be at a different place regarding what exercise and how much of it is appropriate for them, as always, take your time and listen to your body to find the method most appropriate for you.

Dexterity: You add plus one to this stat block every time you do a mobility exercise.  This can be stretching, yoga, tai chi, etc, whatever gets your body moving so you can bend, sneak, and do the splits past those fortress guards.

Constitution: You add plus one every time you, for lack of a better term, stick it out.  We’re doing cardio, high interval intermittent training, shadow kickboxing, or running.  But it also means walking the three miles around your neighborhood at a gentle pace, finally conquering the mountain that is your overdue laundry hamper, or setting a timer and sitting down for that thing you don’t want to do but have to anyway.

Wisdom: You add plus one to this stat block every time you do something to care for your mental and emotional wellbeing.  Disconnect from all technology for an hour or two, taking a nature walk, meditation and breathing exercises, journaling, or something calming and cathartic like knitting or drawing, whatever does it for you.

Intelligence: You add plus one to this stat block every time you do something that powers up your brain.  Reading, learning a new language, crossword puzzles, listening to an educational podcast, watching a documentary, anything that takes the little gray cells for a jog and leaves you more learned.

Charisma: Add plus one to your stat block any time you connect with someone.  Call your mom, talk to a friend, go for an outing to a book club or a DnD session, whatever means of socializing best suits you.

     These aren’t rigid categories, either.  Did reading that book exercise your brain but also let you rest and replenish?  That’s a point for both wisdom and charisma!  Did that long walk require some resolve to get through, give you a break and some fresh air, and leave you feeling sore?  That’s a point for constitution, wisdom, and strength!  A lot of these categories are based on physical output and exercise because most days my sanity depends on my ability to move my body and wear out the tv snow in my head, but it’s just a vibe, and you can adjust it anyway you need to.

     At the end of the week, tally up your scores and see what kind of character you might best play with your stat scores.  Did you do a lot of reading and have a great day out with friends?  What a sociable wizard!  You’re party will be so lucky to have you!  Did you do lots of push ups and finally set up an account to pay your car insurance?  Your party couldn’t ask for a mightier tank.

     For me, my monster is usually feeling bad about myself, feeling unaccomplished or incapable of functioning as well as everyone else does.  So having documentable evidence that I’m accomplishing things is a powerful axe for that beast.  Especially when I get to feel like my own half-orc fighter or gnome wizard while doing it.  for me, it’s a helpful state of mind if nothing else, so I hope you can get something out of it too.

[beforethekettlecalls]

“ To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

- Oscar Wilde

December 13th, 2023

Hello, to anyone who may come across this. I’m sure this isn’t the regular content people make on Tumblr but nevertheless!

Over the past few months, I’ve had quite the experiences. I’ve graduated high school! ..But I was also unemployed and unhoused for the summer, so it’s not all roses. We lost our family car too-which, living in an unwalkable city? That makes getting anywhere virtually impossible. It’s been a struggle, however it’s not exactly something I’d call “unusual” for my life. I’m not here to talk about those shortcomings, but to talk about how it’s been living afterwards.

I’m doing fine, for the record. I live in a relatively good home, and I take my medication on schedule so no problems there. It’s just- I think I’ve gotten pretty lonely. Now, for context, I’m a seventeen year old autistic person. I have never known not being in grade school until this year, and I take a strong liking to my routines. I honestly didn’t realize how badly it would affect my scheduling and ability to stay functional??? But here we are, regardless.

School seemed to be my only outlet to the outside world, apparently. I lost SEVERAL things, including: my interaction with peers (and the ability to socialize), a routine that flows properly throughout the day, and my educational source!!! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT MY EDUCATIONAL SOURCE!!! I’m a lover of learning, sue me. Losing this huge chunk of time and interaction in my day has rendered me, like, practically useless. I can’t connect with people my age nor can I reach out to MAKE connections, it’s like being away from other teenagers has made me forget How To Teenager. Is this an autism thing? Possibly. I’m just so completely lost on what’s relevant to people my age and what I should be doing with my life. I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way, it’s not like being lonely is a brand new concept. But I don’t know, it feels different when you’ve been the outsider your whole life. The crux of autism, really. Yes I’m okay with being different, but am I? I have no clue how to act or dress or talk, I have no peers around me anymore to use as a socializing guide. Kinda feels like I’m regressing, in a way. Not to make this about how my autism sucks, it doesn’t suck and I wouldn’t change being autistic. I just wish I knew more about people.

I don’t wanna make this seem like some “oh, woe is me!” situation. I know it’s not special to be a little upset that you’re missing out. Except, when you’re living in a small town that doesn’t really consist of anything but regular, average people. I have, like, two friends IRL. I refuse to join any sort of dating or “friendship” app, but without viable transportation or consistent interaction with people, I’ve become distanced from everyone. I’ve taken to tumblr to express this because well, growing up on tumblr was where all the weirdos were. So maybe, just maybe, if you managed to get through this whole post, you’ve felt the same once in your life. Or even now. I just want to connect with people, or at least know that someone gets what I’m saying.

I’m not sure if this is like, gonna be a blog, or if I’ll even feel not embarrassed enough to post more. But I hope that if you read, you know a little more about me now.

I most definitely have more to tell, if in case you wanna listen.

Goodnight everyone!

- beforethekettlecalls (they/them)

[chromaticasmarfs]

A pleasure day ladies and gentlemen! We are the Chromatica Smarfs! And today we are here to tackle our three subjects which are; Oral Communication, Organization and Management, and last but not the least Empowerment Technology. So, are you guys ready?

ORAL COMMUNICATION

topic: communicative strategies

> What is Communicative Strategy? Refers to how speakers address the problems in speaking, listening and comprehending that they may encounter in a conversation. This strategy includes requesting clarification, not acknowledging, topic shifting, not responding, repeating, recasting, and adding.

THESE ARE THE TYPE'S OF COMMUNICATIVE STRATEGIES:

NOMINATION -the action of nominating or state of being nomination.

-Nomination is part of the process of selecting a candidate for either election to a public office, or the bestowing of an honor or award. A collection of nominees narrowed from the full list of candidates is a short list.

RESTRICTION -the limitation or control of someone or something, or the state of being limited or restricted

-Definition of turn taking (of two or more people) do something alternately or in succession.

TURN-TAKING - What is turn-taking? Turn-taking occurs in a conversation when one person listens while the other person speaks. As a conversation progresses, the listener and speaker roles are exchanged back and forth (a circle of discussion).

TOPIC CONTROL- What is Topic Control? Topic control covers how procedural formality and informality affects the development of topics in conversation. This only means that when a topic is initiated, it should be collectively developed by avoiding unnecessary interruptions and topic shifts.

TOPIC-SHIFTING- Topic shifts are certain phases of a conversation that indicate transitions from one discourse chunk. that has a coherent topic or content to another chunk with another coherent topic or content. They occur in the conversation where one topic is covered and discussed and another topic needs to be introduced.

REPAIR- What is Repair? A communicative repair has been defined as the ability to persist in communication and to modify, repeat, or revise a signal when the initial communication attempt failed.

-Refers to how speaker address the problems in speaking, listening and comprehending that they may encounter in a conversation.

TERMINATION- What is Termination? Termination Refers to the conversation participants' close initiating expressions that end a topic in a conversation.

ORGANIZATION MANAGEMENT

TOPIC: NATURE OF ORGANIZING

› From the study of the various definitions given by different management experts the following information about the characteristics or nature of organization,

DIVISION OF WORK: Division of work is the basis of an organization. In other words, there can

be no organization without division of work. Under division of work the entire work of business is

divided into many departments .The work of every department is further sub- divided into subworks. In this way each individual has to do the saran work repeatedly which gradually makes that

person an expert

COORDINATION: Under organizing different persons are assigned different works but the aim of

all these persons happens to be the some - the attainment of the objectives of the enterprise.

Organization ensures that the work of all the persons depends on each other’s work even though it

happens to be different. The work of one person starts from where the work of another person ends.

The non-completion of the work of one person affects the work of everybody. Therefore,

everybody completes his work in time and does not hinder the work of others. It is thus, clear that it

is in the nature of an organization to establish coordination among different works, departments

and posts in the enterprise.

Plurality of Persons: Organization is a group of many persons who assemble to fulfill a

common purpose. A single individual cannot create an organization.

Common Objectives: There are various parts of an organization with different functions to

perform but all move in the direction of achieving a general objective.

Well-defined Authority and Responsibility: Under organization a chain is established

between different posts right from the top to the bottom. It is clearly specified as to what will be the

authority and responsibility of every post. In other words, every individual working in the

organization is given some authority for the efficient work performance and it is also decided

simultaneously as to what will be the responsibility of that individual in case of unsatisfactory work

performance.

Organization is a Structure of Relationship: Relationship between persons working on

different posts in the organization is decided. In other words, it is decided as to who will be the

superior and who will be the subordinate. Leaving the top level post and the lowest level post

everybody is somebody's superior and somebody's subordinate. The person working on the top

level post has no superior and the person working on the lowest level post has no subordinate.

Organization is a Machine of Management: Organization is considered to be a machine of

management because the efficiency of all the functions depends on an effective organization. In the

absence of organization no function can be performed in a planned

21st Century of Literature

Literary Genres

GRAPHIC NOVEL - is a book made up of comics with entertainment content in it. Although the word novel normally refers to long fictional works, the term graphic novel is applied broadly and includes fiction, non-fiction, and anthologized work.

FLASH FICTION - Flash fiction is a genre of fiction, defined as a very short story. While there is no set word count that separates flash fiction from more traditional short stories, flash fiction stories can be as short as a few words (while short stories typically run for several pages).

[besamestreet]

I have adhd too and I can understand this. Adhd severely impacts the executive functions of your brain which very basically means you process things differently have a hard time controlling your behavior. Executive functions begin developing by age two, and are fully developed by age 30. People with ADHD often are 30 to 40 percent delayed in development, which makes them more likely to act motivated by short-term rather than longer-term goals. The back of the brain is where you store information that is already learned. The front part of the brain is where you use this information to be socially effective and succeed in life. This prefrontal cortex mediates executive functioning and it contains four major circuits.

The “what” circuit controls working memory, helping you execute plans, goals, and specific steps needed to complete a project.

The “when” circuit helps you organize the order in which you complete activities, and address timelines.

The “why” circuit controls emotions — what you think about, and how you feel.

The fourth “how” circuit controls self-awareness of your feelings and experiences.

People with executive functioning challenges and/or ADHD experience impairments in one or more of these circuits and, therefore, their symptoms touch memory, planning, emotional regulation, and/or social skills.

This affects your behavior on a daily basis, forever, and it highly impacts those around you. It’s a little different for everyone but for me, I forget things very easily. I forget about objects as soon as they are out of sight so I forget to clean up messes a lot. I loose important things all the time like my ID and keys and phone. I also have no sense of time and am always late to things (that makes for an unreliable parter a lot of times, especially when u have kids relying on you). I can not focus on more than one thing at a time. I have a hard time fully listening when someone is talking if I am thinking about/ daydreaming about something else. I have a extremely difficult time being motivated/ disciplined enough to do normal everyday things like chores and exercise. If there is no urgency or excitement then I don’t do it. My adhd makes me irresponsible in many ways. The most major one is having a hard time keeping a job and being impulsive with money. I am a very impulsive spender, I have a lot of credit card debt and I don’t always make my bills on time cause I don’t get a hit of dopamine from that ahaha. But seriously, those with adhd lack dopamine and a lot of what drives us to do anything at all is for a dopamine hit which means it must be rewarding in some way. If not then we procrastinate for so long and lots of times simply don’t ever take care of what we’re supposed to. These are just a few ways my life is impacted, there are a lot of other ways adhd makes everyday life harder than those with a normally regulated brain.

This is a very long winded reply 😂 With a lot of information I’m sure you know! But I thought I’d explain for those without adhd reading this as well. It also helps reading this all laid out, can you see how having a partner like this would be difficult? A non-neuro divergent would have to constantly be picking up the slack from their adhd partner, especially as a parent, if the adhd partner is doing nothing to improve their executive functions through medication and/or therapy. Our brains are literally different, chemically different. We cannot control it. BUT we do have the ability to work with our adhd to be better functioning adults, partners and parents. Getting medication is definitely a good option as well as behavioral therapy and connecting to others who have adhd for support!

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

okay, I want to hear about your thoughts on Renesmee wanting to eat Edward?? What's up with that. Also would love to hear about your opinion on this child in general. All the people in her life are hardcore projecting on her, what's the alien child's perspective on all this shit. Thanks for all the twilight meta its wild.

Thank you, glad you enjoy my rambling, strange, thoughts.

What’s Up With Renesmee Devouring Her Enemies?

So, this one’s actually a bit of headcanon on my end, not really supported by anything directly. We’re going way into left field with this.

But I do have this. Renesmee is a highly efficient predator, perhaps in a way more so than the vampire (although she is weaker and slower than vampires) and Renesmee is... not human, for whatever that means.

Everything we see of Renesmee’s early biological development, and what we see happening in Nahuel and his sisters, makes a lot of sense from a biological standpoint.

The mother is turned essentially into a hybrid incubator, such that even if she wanted to abort she likely would not be able to or would not survive it. The child grows at a rapid rate in the room and has to eat itself out, at which point it has a starter meal of the human mother. The child then grows absurdly rapidly to the point where, mentally and physically, it can survive on its own. Growth then slows and then stops when sexual maturity is reached, presumably for reproductive purposes.

Vampires cannot do a few things. They are a half-sterile race, only able to reproduce through humans and the previously male half of the human species. They also need external help to kill a fellow vampire. In other words, they have to light a fire.

Until you burn the pieces, the enemy vampire isn’t dead. Now, using fire as a tool is to date something only the human species has figured out. It is not intuitive and an odd coincidence that vampires had this prerequisite knowledge (I have thoughts on what vampirism even is and where it comes from). 

I imagine, just as Renesmee presumably has reproductive capabilities that vampires lack, she also a has a toolset that vampires lack: the ability to kill a vampire without the need for fire. 

Given that Renesmee’s able to eat human food, this implies she has a digestive that is able to break down nutrients. The reason vampires can’t eat other vampires is they lack this. Edward swallows pizza, he’s vomiting that shit back up three hours later and it’s going to be very solid and very gross. Whatever venom did to his innards, most of his vital human organs aren’t working anymore.

Given that Renesmee’s this mix of venom and who knows what kinds of fluids I believe her stomach is capable of breaking down and digesting vampire flesh. This seems to me the most obvious way to eliminate an enemy vampire when no tools are otherwise available.

Hence, instinctively, if Renesmee wants to murder Edward she will eat him.

(Also, as you can tell, the image is just horrifyingly delightful to me, and so it’s my go to response.)

As for why she would want to eat him, see here and here.

The Family and Renesmee

As you note, everyone in Renesmee’s life projects someone else onto her.

Not so much Carlisle, he just seems very bewildered and overwhelmed by everything at first, and one of the few who openly notes how not human Renesmee is and the implications of this (given the chromosome experiment, I’m sure Carlisle was expecting a squid).

Even in the early stages though we see Edward, Bella, Alice, and Rosalie as primary offenders. (I’d list Esme except Esme is... being Esme about it, so, she’s just floating through Renesmee’s life like her Cullen ghost self and not even at the point where she can project anything onto her. Besides, that’s what Edward’s for.)

Edward sees the best of both himself and Bella in Renesmee, a little intellectual who reads War and Peace at a few weeks old when she has no understanding of the concepts of War, Napoleon, Russia, or Peace. As Edward always does, he so obliviously projects onto her, that I imagine it doesn’t matter what Renesmee says or does around him and she quickly figures that out.

Bella’s left the planet. Renesmee’s this beautiful thing, that looks like Edward, that is her daughter. Bella has no idea what parenting is. She’s floating through life preparing herself to become Esme 2.0. It’s not so much that she projects onto Renesmee but that she... completely fails to connect her to reality. Renesmee is a concept to Bella. Renesmee might figure this out, but given her feelings for her mother, I imagine she’s far more conflicted about it. She probably wishes things could be different between them, and often tries to find ways to make it so, it just never works.

Alice treats Renesmee much as she treated Bella, as her little doll that she can dress in cute clothing. Beyond that, Renesmee is a nuisance who messes with Alice’s gift. Oh, Alice likes her well enough, but I don’t see them having an actual meaningful conversation or connection.

Rosalie’s probably the wort offender in the projection domain. She is absolutely projecting the ideal human child she never had onto Renesmee. When Renesmee inevitibly fails to live up to these perfect standards, which even a human child wouldn’t, I imagine Rosalie will get increasingly upset. Acknowledging Renesmee isn’t what she wanted either would probably break Rosalie, so she’s not going to do that, and instead try to get Renesmee to behave correctly. For however much she cares about Renesmee, I imagine Renesmee sours on her growing up, as she knows she will never be what Rosalie wishes she was. Grateful that Rosalie helped keep her alive, of course, but... she would also probably wonder, as fandom does, just how much Rosalie was hoping Bella would die in birth (for the record, I think this might have been an idle fantasy of Rosalie’s, but I don’t think she’d go this far.)

Then of course, there’s Jake. Woof, Jake. As I linked above, I think Renesmee will slowly become more and more disenchanted with Jake. She’ll either learn about or suspect her own gift, have no interest in having a romantic relationship with him, or learn about his checkered past with her mother. More Jake is...

Imprinting, at a very large distance, sounds nice but imagine what that means. You have this person who is utterly dependent on you, who will do whatever you want and be whatever you wish them to be. In other words, you have this codependent person you can never get rid of who is never authentic. They will never say no to you, will always do what you wish, and if you dare to tell them you want a little time to yourself they will probably combust into flames.

That’s not a good relationship for anyone: imprinter or imprintee.

Jake, in a sense, ceases to be a real person when it comes to Renesmee. Renesmee will figure that out and then... why should she live her life just to make this miserable man who once tried to murder her happy?

What Does This Do to Renesmee?

I imagine Renesmee grows up feeling very isolated.

She doesn’t really belong in the Cullens, for all that they’re the best fit she has. She certainly doesn’t belong with other imprintees in the tribe (and whatever occasional function she goes to with the Quileutes is probably a complete disaster), and she’s not human either.

I imagine her strongest relationships are Charlie Swan (who beyond the surrealness of his life I imagine takes Renesmee at very face value), Carlisle Cullen (who also seems to not project onto Renesmee and takes her at face value), and Bella (who she desperately wants a stronger relationship with but Bella’s not listening).

Well, Charlie at some point will die. He will not choose immortality. I imagine Renesmee never quite understands why he was allowed to choose death or what the purpose of the human species even is. To her, they are caterpillars who never went into the chrysalis. Given to Renesmee the Cullen diet is the norm, to her it would seem obvious that, yes, everyone in the world can turn into a vampire and if they ration animal resources correctly there’s no problem. Or, if not everyone, then certainly her grandfather need not die.

I’m sure Charlie tries to talk to Renesmee about this but given that he’s one of her few strong relationships in this world the talk of “I’m going to die some day, sorry kiddo” doesn’t go well.

So, I’m sure it takes Renesmee a very long time to recover from that blow, if, in fact, she ever really does. I’m sure a part of her will always grieve Charlie.

In time, I think she’ll leave the coven to go on a journey of self discovery. The coven will just be too damn suffocating and she needs to find out who she truly is. Now, if that’s before or after the inevitable collapse of the Volturi and destruction of human society is hard to say.

I will say that whatever the future holds for Renesmee, just like everyone else’s, it is unbearably bleak.

[stonefreeak]

My goodness people, I’m so sorry for the delay! I’ve been working on the structuring of my files to get a better overview of what remains of the project, to hopefully be able to speed writing up (even as work really means that my free-time is much more limited than it was once upon a time, lmao. Sometimes I miss December of 2016 when this whole thing started, 33k in a month of updates, amirite?)

it’s taken me so long I’m wondering if anyone even remember this plot point at this point, lmao

Also: belated happy midsummers to all my fellow Swedes!

Bail taps his finger against this desk and stairs unseeingly at the datapad in front of him.

He hadn't been sure if the information Aleena Yashi gave him, though she's worked as an assistant to multiple senators over the years, was true. But everything checks out. He briefly wondered why she would come to him about it, rather than Senator Lobos who she's currently working for... But perhaps it's because he's known to have a favourable view of the Jedi that she's done so. Perhaps it's because all of this information mostly pertains to the Jedi and the laws surrounding them, and she wanted a prominent Senator who she could trust not to hide the information away because they don't care for the Jedi.

Bail, a Core World Senator well known for his good relationship with the Jedi and friendship with the current Supreme Chancellor, must have seemed like the best option for her. He wonders who else would have been on her list, before she settled on him, but he chose not to ask when she visited him. Perhaps it's better if he doesn't know; it hardly matters now anyway.

He looks down at the datapad again and considers his options.

He should probably discuss her findings with her, and see what exactly her goal is. If he's to do something about this, then he wants her involved even as he gathers support from other senators.

He has no doubt that Padmé will agree to add her support to Bail to help sort this mess out, but considering that they've both been involved with the investigation they're conducting into Jedi missions being altered... Well, Bail wants more Senators involved this time. Just to ensure that it cannot be taken as some form of conspiracy in favour of the Jedi. As ridiculous as that notion seems, Bail is not blind to the way many Senators look at the Jedi, nor to the fact that many of them don't seem to believe that they're really capable of what they say they are.

Few people besides the Jedi truly believe in the Force, after all.

Few people could believe in something they cannot know for themselves when others supposedly have a direct connection to it. Bail is one of the few who does believe them, he's seen what the Jedi can do first-hand. There's nothing else that can account for that kind of power besides this Force they talk of. They and other groups out there, it’s not only the Jedi, after all.

Besides, he knows many of them personally, and while Bail may not understand or follow all of their beliefs or traditions, he also knows that they're not a bunch of charlatans faking it for power of money—though he knows some of his fellow senators believe that to be the case. Even senators on Coruscant, who've seen Jedi in real life, seem to believe them little more than myth.

Bail has been kept up to date on the investigation into the Jedi missions, though he’s not taking an active role in it right now, and he’s certain that he has been kept in the loop to give legitimacy to the investigation. Give it a proper paper trail, even if it’s done with the Senate’s highest level of security. A strictly need-to-know basis, and until it’s finished, no one else needs to know.

Of course, Bail asked Obi-Wan in private if he would be allowed to tell Breha. As his Queen and the leader of Bail’s planet, he found it important to clue her in on it. Besides, it’s another step of legitimacy. After all, if Breha takes an active stance on it, then so does Alderaan.

If anyone wants to accuse the investigation at a later date for being a sham… Well, they will need to accuse Alderaan of engaging in it in the first place. Bail isn’t stupid enough to think that it’s not one of the primary reasons Obi-Wan agreed with Bail’s request.

They’re friends, and Obi-Wan likes Breha, but this is not about being friends. This is about political allyship and keeping sensitive information on as tight a lock-down as they can until the time  to reveal it comes.

Besides, as worried as Bail has become with Miss Yashi’s information, it’s even worse when considered together with the altered Jedi missions and not in the least… Well, the war time propaganda. There's no point in shying away from what it is, and the ramifications it has.

Considering how most of the war time propaganda—Bail can acknowledge it for what it is, there truly is no point in trying to deny the facts—focuses almost exclusively on the clones and their efforts in the war, it's hardly strange that the general population neither know nor understand them.

Further considering the information that Bail has now confirmed to be real and accurate... He understands that the omission of the Jedi is entirely deliberate. If you want to discredit and undermine the Jedi, why would you ever speak of their accomplishments and sacrifices? You wouldn't, as that would bring public support to them.

Bail sighs and rolls his shoulders.

He needs to build a following, he cannot properly push this alone. But he also understands why Miss Yashi brought it to him alone, first. A Core World Senator is far harder to make "disappear" than a Twi'lek Senatorial aide, no matter how awful that is to say. Bail can't go missing, and any attempt on his life would have a bit more trouble hitting its mark.

That's not to say that it would be impossible for someone to assassinate him, which is of course why he'll make sure that Breha is entirely up to speed on everything.

All of it together... There is some form of conspiracy to discredit or perhaps even get rid of the Jedi; Bail is sure of it. But he cannot see to what end. What are they trying to achieve?

For what reason would anyone work to discredit the Jedi? What is the end goal to strive for? There’s no way for the politicians to dissolve the Jedi Order, they are not in that way under Senate control. They could, of course, remove all of their backing, forcing the Jedi to become free agents, certainly…

But for what purpose? It would leave the Republic without the Jedi as peacekeepers, for the Jedi would hardly remain to do diplomacy work for the Senate without its backing. After all, what would the point be? Without the Senate’s backing, the Jedi would have far less ability to do anything.

How could they negotiate treaties if the Senate won’t honour them?

They could, perhaps, be a neutral third party within discussions. But there’s no reason for anyone to listen to their input in such a case. It’s hard enough to get disagreeing parties to listen to external input when you come with powerful backing that could make you listen even if you refuse.

How could they function with no funding? They would need to work on commission, at which point only those who can afford their help can get it. That would be the opposite of an improvement.

To not even begin to talk about how few of them there are, how few of them there were even before the war. Their population is not even a hundredth of a percent of Alderaan’s population, and Alderaan is only a single planet within the tens of thousands of star systems that make up the Republic—nevermind the entire galaxy. There’s just not enough of them, and hasn’t that always been a problem even while they’re working under the Republic? Too few, spread too thin.

No, if the Jedi became free agents, their ability to affect change would be greatly diminished. Bail is quite certain they’d work on much smaller scales, still trying to do what they can for the galaxy, bit by bit. Working with smaller communities on planets and moons… If they even had the ability to find out about disputes that may need their help in the first place.

Losing the Jedi as peacekeepers isn’t a win for the Republic either, as the budget for the Jedi was already miniscule even before it started being diminished—as Miss Yashi’s discovery shows. It cannot be an attempt at cost saving, or an idea of improvement for the Republic. Needing to train their own diplomats and ensure that they have skilled enough guards… That would be more expensive and it would not be able to guarantee that these diplomats are neutral in conflicts.

The Jedi have no specific allegiances the way diplomats and even Senators have. Even the least corrupt Senator will still place their own planet and star system first. It is part of their role, after all.

So no, it cannot be something like that. Not unless the people slowly enacting this are horribly misguided and foolish. Not to mention, Bail knows most Senators would simply call for making away with the Jedi entirely, rather than this slow plan to undercut them.

No… There must be something else going on here, some other primary goal whoever is pulling these strings is looking out to do.

He’ll need to figure it out, no doubt, Bail concludes.

But beyond that, he also needs to build a base to help him bring this information he’s been given to the Senate’s attention. He is quite sure already who he should be looking towards first: Senator Ach’ki Mandai of Haa’ndu.

Who better to help him bring this to Senate attention than the Senator who ensured a Jedi now sits as the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic?

—

(Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan Kenobi masterpost)

[mfkinanaa]

LIBRA RISING.

Born with Libra on your Ascendant (or Rising), life is likely to be experienced as a constant series of choices.

It is important for you to consider everything from its various points of view.

Deliberation may be your hallmark, and eventually justice your middle name.

Libra is an Air sign, concerned with fairness, equality and right relationships.

Thus, you are likely to feel the need to be objective in all your dealings, and will specialise in relationships.

However the need to consider all perspectives may be somewhat crippling if a decision or resolution cannot be reached.

Reflective judgement with a committment to equity is the key note for you.

Your task is to find the right principle involved in a given situation, and then commit to it – maintaining your position without changing your mind.

Shall I Do This Or That?

When your Ascendant is Libra, the temptation to change your mind is ever-present. This can lead to vacillation, indecisiveness and a tendency to fence-sit when a choice is not made. You need to become aware of any intrinsic desire to avoid making a decision, as this will lead to others seeing you as fickle, and even opportunistic, rather than the finely balanced, fair-minded individual that you truly are.

You may be easily imposed upon because of a tendency to avoid openly stating what you really want. You yourself are likely to feel frustrated by this inability to choose. It is important to reflect on this and admit to yourself what your true motives are. Are you seeking others approval by avoiding action? Do stop yourself doing what you know is right in case someone else disagrees?

The Need To be Liked.

Often, the desire to be liked, and a willingness to please others can lead you to “people-please”, rather than commit to what is right or fair. In order to guard against this tendency, a reliable, fair and objective system of values needs to be established. You would do well to be guided by principle rather than popularity in the choices that you make.

A balance should be found between activity and passivity, between head and heart, intuition and logic. Negotiation through charm and objectivity is your forte, and you can help bring about resolution through a balanced assessment of facts.

You need to experience both confrontation and compromise to find out what is important to you. Thus, you can be both principled and assertive, willing to compromise yet clear in your objectives once you have decided on what you want. At your best, you are able to express the grace, poise and consideration which is characteristic of this sign. 

Harmony and Balance.

Symmetry, proportion and balance are also important, and you are likely to prefer harmonious, refined or well-designed environments. You need to be surrounded by beauty and will function best in an organized and aesthetic space. Harmony is important for your mental balance.

You are also likely to be quite refined, with a sense of style that is often innate. It may be important for you to project a stylish appearance, and so, you may also be very fashion conscious.

The search for the ideal system, relationship or ideal can lead you into many areas of interest and exploration. This is a mental sign after all, so that information is a key theme. You are also probably known for your listening and negotiation skills, and ability to give good advice. This is the sign of wise counsel, and your capacity to make a detached assessment of any situation is likely to be highly esteemed.

The Gift of Libra Rising.

Relationships are a major concern, and you will get the best from your partnerships when you learn to first define who you are, and what you need, before then making any necessary compromises to keep things agreeable. Libra is the sign of partnerships, and you may feel that you need others to be able to fulfill yourself. Doing things collaboratively brings your best qualities to the surface. You may find it easiest working toward a goal when you have someone else to do it with. Through relationships, you learn to assert yourself, adjust to others, and to stand up for the principles which you believe are fair.

SCORPIO RISING.

Born with Scorpio on your Ascendant (or Rising) you are likely to experience life as a constant series of obstacles or crises in which you learn about the nature of power through transformation.

Whilst this may seem challenging, once understood in terms of a life lesson, you have the potential to be an inspirational and catalytic individual.

Your strength and insight gives you the ability to change your own life and help others overcome whatever is holding them back.

On the one hand, this is a difficult Ascendant.

On the other it offers you a magnetic and charismatic quality that makes you fascinating to others and deeply perceptive.

There is much in the experience of Scorpio Rising that involves learning to transform yourself and others through episodes of conflict, challenge and subsequent letting go.

Finding the Light Within.

When your Ascendant is Scorpio, a confrontation with that which is dark, hidden, destructive and taboo in your own nature is often required. Despite your best intentions, you may need to deal with negative, toxic and obsessive emotional states that seem to plague you.

Such destructive qualities need to be internally transformed by being acknowledged, accepted and brought into the light.

You may also meet the same qualities in others. You could find yourself confronting darkness in the outside world through facing extreme situations, or attracting negativity to yourself. Whilst your nature is inherently good, you are learning to experience both the positive and negative aspects of life.

Through overcoming difficult situations you find your strength and light.

The Eighth Labour of Hercules.

The themes which present with this sign on the Ascendant can be described by the mythic tale of Hercules battling the much-feared Hydra, a demonic creature of the Underworld with ten heads and a deadly bite.

The Eighth Labour of Hercules tells the story of how he overcame the beast. Victory required submission rather than brute force. Every time Hercules cut one head off, another would appear.

To overcome the Hydra, Hercules had to follow the guidance of his teacher – “We rise by kneeling, we conquer by surrendering, and we gain by giving up”. This experience could be described as the quintessential lesson for those with Scorpio rising.

The Curse of Jealousy.

Jealousy is often an issue, especially in the early part of life. You may find yourself envious of others apparent power, beauty or success – with no rational explanation as to why.

This destructive emotion can alienate you from others, generating friction that needs to be released. Envy pulls you down and can trigger a nasty backlash. If not released, resentment and associated feelings fester within, rearing their ugly heads at inopportune times with a powerful and destructive force. Internal pressure slowly builds until an explosion occurs.

Just like the Hydra, toxic emotions can only be conquered through submission. This means letting go of negativity and aligning yourself with something greater than your personal desires. Humility and self-acceptance is required.

You may find yourself oscillating between hopeful and hopeless responses to your feelings and external stimuli. You can unconsciously create dramatic events in your life which trigger catalytic personal experiences as you discover more about your true self.

Sometimes, situations of disability and impairment come about, so that the fear of helplessness or restriction is materialised. These challenges then become the opportunity for you to experience surrender, learning eventually to open up and trust others.

Private & Sensitive.

Private by nature, you are likely to give very little away about yourself until you know who you can trust. Others may not be sure of your true intentions. They may find you somewhat inscrutable, mysterious or just hard to read. You are likely to play your cards very close to your chest.

Rather than being secretive, you are self-protective.

Your acute sensitivity to environmental influences means you try to avoid exposing yourself and feeling vulnerable in any way. For you, letting others know how sensitive you really are means giving them a kind of power you are not sure you want to give.

You are often extremely aware of the underlying emotional currents surrounding you. This sign is extremely perceptive. You can easily pick up on another’s mood, and will sense how they feel – sometimes before they do.

You will also have a knack for exposing hidden intentions, and will need to dig deep to uncover the underlying psychological motives in any important situation with which you are involved.

You will also be aware of others potential to be deceptive, abusive and less than truthful, and so you can be at times disarmingly honest. Most often, your preferred form of attack is defence, and so you keep yourself to yourself.

You are generally quite content therefore to wait while others reveal who they truly are to you. 

Careful in Relationship.

With a warm and passionate heart, you are likely to respond intensely to significant relationships, and it will be especially important for you to find a partner you can trust. You do best with calm, placid yet strong lovers who are able to withstand the intensity of your emotional reactions, and your need to work them out through others.

When you have committed your heart to someone, you are loyal, giving and devoted. You need someone who is stable enough to ride any emotional storms and patient enough to give you the security you need.

In many ways you might take an “all or nothing” stance with affairs of the heart. You need time to get to know someone so won’t be inclined to rush in. Even if you do form a connection quickly, you will probably withhold parts of yourself. You need to know your partner is “all in” before you can trust them.

Or you could try avoid intimacy because it means you have to let your guard down. For this reason, you can be hard to get close to, as your self-protective mechanisms are very strong.

This can mean you end up remaining on your own, leaving others feeling uncertain as to where you stand but safely at a distance.

The Fires of Transformation.

Once the necessary transformations have come about, you then become a powerful catalyst or agent for change in your own and others lives.

You have the ability to renew and rebuild your life, and can show others how to do the same. Negative states can be transformed and redirected through internal processes. A creative outlet, some form of therapy, a mystical experience or an intense sexual exchange can serve as the means to refine these energies.

As you let go of pain and open up to light you find strength and wisdom within.

You are likely to have a penetrating kind of insight that makes you a valued confidante and friend. You have great compassion for others, but will not suffer fools. You are also likely to be patient, persevering and reliable, and can be a source of strength in times of need.

Your desire for truth means you may sometimes have to employ shock tactics to instigate change. Usually this is not to be upsetting, but rather because you know sometimes you have to say the things that others will not in order to shake up the status quo.

Your highly developed emotional intelligence can make you privy to others’ secrets. When you share vulnerabilities with others you also learn to let go of your own fear of being overwhelmed.

The Gift Of Scorpio Rising.

Yours is an intense rising sign, with the potential to experience great rewards. You have come to learn the secrets of resurrection and rebirth through experiencing transformation in certain areas of your life. Once you learn the techniques of inner growth by finding your power within you then have the capacity to become an incredible force for change.

SAGITTARIUS RISING.

Born with Sagittarius on your Ascendant (or Rising) you are likely to experience your life as a quest, challenge or search for adventure where the prize you seek is meaning.

Self-awareness comes about through expanding your horizons – at either physical, mental or spiritual levels.

You are likely to approach new experiences with a sense of optimism and hope – an expectation of success.

The dynamic, fiery qualities of this rising sign need to be directed toward reconciling some of the metaphysical and philosophical quandaries of life.

In your quest for meaning, you should leave no stone unturned.

The Search for Meaning.

When your Ascendant is Sagittarius, every situation can be viewed as an opportunity to learn. You are likely to feel a sense of restlessness and need to have the freedom to roam, explore horizons and see how far you can go. This might happen at physical, mental or spiritual levels.

At times, your life could feel like a pilgrimage, where the need to find the holy grail of your own “truth” is paramount. A way to express this approach might be – “I see the goal; I reach the goal, and then I see another”.

Gifted with energy and inspiration, you are often able to inspire and uplift others. You are typically broad-minded and so happy to let everyone live their own lives. Charged with faith and optimism, you can look for symbolic meaning wherever you go, finding portents in life’s circumstances and omens to guide you on your way. Usually, every event is seen as part of a larger, connected whole. You find meaning in patterns and serendipity at every turn.

Times of Excess.

Yet there may also be times where you allow your faith to dwindle. If you fail to find the answers you seek you can become despondent and cynical in the extreme. You must be careful not to set yourself up for crushing disappointment by setting expectations that are unrealistic or too big to achieve.

Added to this, there may also be a tendency toward excess, inflation and overstepping the mark. Your exuberance and optimism can sometimes turn to greed, recklessness or a lack of due care. Your tendency to go to extremes goes hand in hand with a belief in your own invincibility and need to push boundaries in terms of what is possible. It is worthwhile checking in at times to see if you have in fact gone too far – despite the fact that you want to. 

Sharing your Truth.

If your Ascendant is Sagittarius, you need to find your truth on your own terms, and there may be an extended period of searching for the right path, teaching or philosophy to satisfy your quest. You may spend significant chapters of your life travelling or immersed in a particular belief system, exploring ideas and concepts to their broadest level.

You are likely to be passionate about the pursuit of knowledge, and so it is important to allow yourself plenty of opportunity to explore new horizons, and broaden your sphere of reference.

Once you have found a path that fulfils, you can become so enthusiastic that you want to share with everyone else what you know. You are eager to teach others what you have learnt. Many excellent teachers have this sign pronounced in their charts.

Yet some of you can turn to preaching and even zealotry in your eagerness to share. There may be times when you go to extremes in your efforts to recruit others to your particular belief system. Care should be taken to extend to others the same intellectual, moral or personal freedom that you require for yourself.

In this way, you can manifest the darker side of Sagittarius, trying to co-opt others into agreeing with your version of the truth. Cynical disbelief can be equally vehement as optimistic faith. In the end you will find that trying to convert others is an ultimately futile preoccupation.

The Gift of Sagittarius Rising.

With Sagittarius rising, life is best viewed as a quest and adventure. Faith and a positive attitude are your greatest assets. You are likely to approach life in a grand way, excited by possibilities and certain of your right to experience them. Using your innate gifts of insight and perception gives you the ability to inspire and uplift others, helping them become the best that they can be by lighting the fire of meaning and purpose all around.

[katblu42]

Two

A fic for Virgil's birthday from an unusual point of view. Somewhat covering the "Outside POV" and "Virgil at Work" titles on the birthday challenge list.

Thank you @gumnut-logic for the read through, and for setting up this birthday event to prod me into finishing this one!

The sudden opening of my overhead hatch by remote access wakes me from my slumber. He’s coming. My pilot. There must be a situation. If it were anything else the hatch would have been opened manually, and if it were any other pilot it would be the lower hatch, not the one above my cockpit. He swings down from the end of his chute, his boots hit the checker plate of my cockpit floor and he reaches up to close the hatch. There is an automated close control, so he doesn’t have to do it by hand, but it is quicker and much more satisfying when he does. The solid thunk as it shuts both feels and sounds more secure, more reassuring than the slow, quiet, automatic closure. And it signals the unofficial beginning of our next adventure together. He smiles every time he pulls the hatch closed – there is a certain excitement in the urgency of a launch. Someone needs us, and we have to fly.

My pilot is unique. No one else treats me the way he does, or understands me like he does. He knows me better than any other human, more intimately than even the creator himself. The creator is the one responsible for my original design and build, but I suspect my pilot may have had a little input. He has certainly had a creative hand in upgrades and repairs, and prefers to do as much hands on maintenance work as he can, often working alongside the creator and his robotic assistant when he can’t complete the work on his own. The creator may well know every nut and bolt and wiring loom, every function and capability to the letter of the specifications, but my pilot knows I am more than a marvellous piece of engineering.

He knows me in the air – how I will respond to any weather conditions, any sudden changes, and every little twitch of my controls. My pilot knows my limits in practice, not just on paper and by the numbers. He will push me when it’s needed and knows when I have given all I can. We have nursed each other home battle-scarred and wounded on many an occasion. He will apologise whenever my abilities are stretched beyond capacity, whenever there is damage, and every time he needs to pull me apart for repairs. I don’t need the apologies. He takes care of me, and I will do my best to take care of him.

My pilot feels affection for me. He shows it in so many little ways, like the absent minded way he’ll trail his hand along the surface of my hull as he passes, or contentedly hum along with the rumble of my engines. It’s evident in the way he speaks to me. Barely audible whispers of greeting, or thanks for a job well done. Impassioned pleas to give just a little more in desperate times, often followed by relieved words of thanks accompanied by a loving rub of my dash, or forehead resting against a bulkhead with a relieved sigh once the crisis is over. He speaks to me in words of encouragement and praise. He believes in me and relies on me, and in return I will give him everything he asks of me. For him I will push my limits to do what he needs me to do, to get us all home safe.

He calls me beautiful. I know that I am not, but it is good to hear him say it. Strong and dependable I may be, but not beautiful – except perhaps in his eyes. I am not sleek and shiny like my sister ‘birds One and Three. Nor am I built for speed like them, but I am proud of my capabilities. Still one of the fastest machines in the air despite my grand size and considerable weight, I am versatile and able to carry just about any cargo imaginable. Sometimes I wish I could be faster, but I know that some things are more important. Without me it would be impossible to get specialised heavy equipment to where it is needed, my medical bay is the best equipped and largest in International Rescue’s fleet, and I am capable of carrying a large number of people to safety. If I were to fail in my duties it would make the job of my pilot and his colleagues immeasurably difficult. So, I must not fail.

He sings to me. When he’s working on repairs or maintenance, when he’s tidying the cockpit or restocking the medical supplies, or sometimes, when we’re flying alone. His voice resonates through my systems and reflects off my surfaces and harmonises with my own sounds. I like when he sings. He seems to do it when he’s happy, comfortable – content. None of the others ever sing to me. The Co-pilot – the one who belongs to Four – he sings sometimes, but it’s not the same. He seems to sing as a distraction, to change the prevailing mood in the cockpit, or just for his own entertainment. His singing is loud and raucous, but not necessarily bad.

Others have flown me when my pilot has been unable to. It is never the same. The Commander, One’s pilot, is always trying to rush me, wanting me to be something I am not. He is impatient with me and grumbles that I am not fast enough. He gets frustrated if I do not respond immediately to the slightest adjustment of my controls, and yet he will often take an extra fraction of a second to find the switch or lever he needs because he is used to flying a different ‘bird. I understand his sense of urgency, but flying for him is sometimes hard work, as though he is fighting me instead of working with me.

The Co-pilot, Four’s pilot is better. Four and I are like the closest of sisters in many ways. We are often called to work together as I am able to carry her to locations she cannot reach fast enough alone. As a result her pilot and mine work together often, and he gets to see first hand how my pilot handles my controls. When he is required to take over piloting duties he emulates what he has seen my pilot do, right down to voicing encouraging words when needed. He is a good pilot, but he lacks a little confidence in himself, as though he is afraid of doing something wrong and causing damage to another’s ‘bird. He means well and he is trying to connect with me on some level, but it is not the same as the partnership I have with my pilot.

The little one, Three’s pilot is somewhere in between those two. He has that nervousness about him, the fear of making a mistake flying a ‘bird that’s not his, and he seems to have a desire to prove himself so he’ll try and do things his way instead of feeling and listening to what I need. At the same time he is inclined to want to rush and expect me to respond more like One or Three instead of doing things my way, but he seems more comfortable adjusting his piloting style than the Commander is.

The other – the Voice from the stars – only really flies me remotely. I have no tangible connection with him. Remote piloting is clinical, calculated, precise and impersonal. He does not communicate directly with me through voice or touch, only electronics. He relies on numbers and sensor readings rather than human senses like my pilot does. I know it is necessary at times for this intangible Voice to take control this way, but it is a lonely way to fly.

My pilot’s strong hands are gentle, nimble and sure in their movements across my controls as he completes pre-flight procedures. The module we need for the job has been selected, loaded and secured into place – part of me, but not. The modules, the pods, the machines and equipment I carry are perhaps like accessories or clothing for a human – it is possible to fly without them, but they are still a part of my complete work-ready attire.

The hangar door is opening and we are rolling. My pilot gently caresses a hand across my dash and quietly utters “Here we go, girl.” The launch pad tilts and the countdown begins. I am a Thunderbird, and my engines rumble into a roar. I bring the thunder, and with my pilot, together we ride the lightning.

“Thunderbird Two is go!”

[monstersdownthepath]

5e Otherworldly Patron: The Mother of Filth

scratching squirming skitter gnawing swarming stalking slither clawing wasting breeding dripping screaming rotting feeding sickness dreaming

Something is wrong with you. There’s this itch, this... foulness you cannot alleviate. You picked it up from somewhere, something, someone, and it hasn’t lessened in the time you’ve had it. A persistent cough, a rash you cannot get rid of, some sour taste at the back of your throat, some crawling within your ears, or nose, or behind your eye. It’s something, it’s there, it won’t go away. An illness, you’ve told yourself. A simple disease. It will pass, you’ve said, it will pass in time.

it has been years.

Years of this. These symptoms, these rashes and sores and blisters, this coughing and sneezing and aching and fever. It’s made you pitiful. No one will look at you anymore, not directly. They’ll talk to you, yes, but only if you talk to them first. Sometimes, though, they’ll act like they can’t hear you. Many of them don’t even seem to notice as you move towards them, silently standing aside to let you pass without interrupting whatever they were doing. Sometimes it seems like they don’t even know they’re ignoring you.

Maybe you’ve started taking advantage of that, maybe you cannot stand it, but once you realized it was happening, something in you changed. Your sickness became worse, the symptoms more pronounced. Nothing could alleviate them. And then, a... thing formed inside you. A lump or a weight in your belly, or your chest, or your head. Now that it’s here, it feels... strange. It’s not comforting, but you feel it’s natural. Like this was supposed to happen, some logical progression of whatever foulness has seeped into you. In a way, you feel like you expected it. Maybe you were even waiting for it.

Now, in your fevered dreams, you swear there’s something else in them with you. Something trying to communicate with you. There are no words you understand, merely feelings. Ideas. Sensations. Some sort of... directions or instructions. In your addled mind, you’ve found yourself wondering: just what would happen if you followed them?

EXPANDED SPELL LIST The following spells are added to the Warlock spell list for you:

1st: Grease, Ray of Sickness

2nd: Web, Blindness/Deafness

3rd: Stinking Cloud, Feign Death

4th: Greater Invisibility, Giant Insect

5th: Cloudkill, Insect Plague

-Miserable Pity

By 1st level, you’ve already lived with this illness for years. It’s made you an unapproachable creature, a leper, something that mortal minds view with a mix of pity and fear; others will interact with you if you interact with them, but most of them will unconsciously avoid looking at you, listening to you, and especially avoid touching you.

This does have its benefits: Once per short or long rest as a reaction to being targeted with an attack or a spell attack, you may force the attack roll or spell attack roll to be made with disadvantage by momentarily revealing your pitiful nature. In addition, this pity largely prevents you from suffering penalties when interacting with other living creatures, as they subconsciously refuse to notice how much the sickness has taken from you. In their minds, while you don’t appear healthy, you at least resemble a functioning member of society. Undead, constructs, and most animals can see through this aura; aside from verminous creatures or well-trained mounts, animals will often refuse to approach you, shrinking away unless pressed into the interaction, which could have consequences. Certain other creatures, such as Fiends or Celestials, may also see past this aura of pity as well at the DMs discretion.

-Averted Eyes

This subconscious ignorance of your presence has an additional benefit: At 1st level, you gain proficiency with Stealth. If you are already proficient, your proficiency bonus for this skill is doubled.

-Scratching Squirming Skitter Gnawing

inside you feel them inside chewing eating everything else that would hurt you. they’re your allies, not your enemies. Certainly, it may have hurt at first, it may have been repulsive at first, but they’re here to help. They’re here to provide for you, protect you.

At 6th level, your body plays host to grotesque parasites that conditions you to things far worse. You’re bolstered against foul elements, if only because there’s less of you to affect. You become resistant to Poison damage, have advantage on saving throws to avoid becoming Poisoned, and you are unharmed by any disease you contract, though you still bear their symptoms and contagious diseases you contract remain contagious. Diseases you contract never heal on their own.

-Swarming Stalking Slither Clawing

Some days in the past you’ll wake up to find a rodent or roach perched on your chest. Now, though, there’s significantly more. Vermin crawl within your clothes, skittering across your skin, nesting in your hair. They mean you no harm, nor will they cause any. In time, you may grow used to them. You may love them as they love you.

At level 10, each time you complete a short or long rest, vermin will gather onto your person, attracted by the call of your illness. They move to shield your body from attacks, granting you temporary HP equal to your Warlock level. While you have any temporary HP from this ability you have resistance to Necrotic damage. In addition, verminous creatures (such as rats and mice, centipedes, flies, spiders, etc) will never willingly attack you unless you cause them harm first.

Your Miserable Pity ability keeps others from noticing your vermin coating just as easily as it kept them from noticing your pox.

-A Mother’s Love

New life. That’s all that it is. New and beautiful. Others call it Filth, call it garbage, or waste, or even worse: A plague, an infection, a cancer. They can’t understand; this isn’t a plague, it’s a blessing.

At 14th level, the Mother gives you a grand gift. A piece of her manifests within you, a tumorous growth that partially emerges from an unobtrusive location on your body, such as your stomach or back. This bloated thing alerts you to incoming danger and can even take hold of your spells for you should your attention falter. You gain Blindsense out to 10ft, able to sense hidden or invisible creatures within that radius. In addition, if your concentration on a spell is broken, you may use your reaction to re-establish a hold on the magic, as though your concentration was never lost. Once you do this, you must complete a long rest before doing it again.

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INVOCATIONS

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Hacking Cough Prereq: Mother of Filth patron

As an action, you can share your misery, retching and coughing upon a creature within 10ft of you. That creature must succeed a Constitution save versus your Warlock spell DC or become poisoned for 1 minute. A creature poisoned in this way may make a Constitution save at the end of their turn to end the condition, but they take 1d4 Poison damage on a failure. Once you’ve used this ability a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus, you must complete a long rest before doing so again.

Scrounger Prereq: Mother of Filth patron

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and you have been desperate for a very, very long time. You gain proficiency in Constitution saving throws, and can consume rotted or diseased food and drink without suffering any consequences. 

Record of Roaches Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, Pact of the Tome

Your Book of Shadows is replaced with an unnerving, chitin-covered tome. While in possession of this tome, you may conjure a swarm of ravenous roaches in a 10ft cube within 30ft of you as an action. This space is difficult terrain, and creatures entering it or beginning their turn in it take 1d6 magical slashing and 1d6 Poison damage. This corrupted space lingers for 1 minute, or until you use this ability again. You may use this feature three times, and regain all uses after a long rest.

Dripping Blade Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, Pact of the Blade

Your pact weapon becomes coated in a layer of toxic grime. A creature damaged by your pact weapon takes an additional 1d6 Poison damage. If you critically strike an enemy with your pact weapon or strike a creature who is not aware of you, that creature becomes infected with Sewer Plague, which incubates and progresses as normal.

Fecund Familiar Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, Pact of the Chain

When summoning a new familiar, instead of choosing an empowered familiar from the Pact of the Chain, you may instead summon two of the following in any combination: a spider, a rat, a bat, or a cockroach (use the statistics of a crab). Both of these creatures are your familiars and share a mind split between multiple bodies. At level 10, you may maintain three familiars at the same time. At level 16, you may have four.

Filthy Friends Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, level 5

Sometimes they were all you had. As an action, you may command vermin from your surroundings to a single point within 60ft of you that you can see, summoning either a Swarm of Insects or a Swarm of Rats in that space. These swarms will obey your mental commands until brought to 0 HP or until 1 minute passes, at which point they disperse. Once you use this ability, you must complete a short or long rest to do so again.

Tatterdemalion Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, lvl 6

Over the course of a long rest, you can construct a piecemeal armor for yourself from rags, scavenged leather, and broken metal bits. Wearing this makes your AC equal 10 + your Constitution modifier + your Charisma modifier. Only you or another Warlock of the Mother of Filth can benefit from this armor, and it may be enchanted as normal armor can be, if you desire.

Pernicious Poison Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, lvl 7

Poison damage you inflict with your Warlock spells and abilities does full damage to creatures with resistance to Poison, and upon reaching level 12, your poisons deal half damage to creatures immune to Poison. In addition, once per long rest, you may use your bonus action to select a single creature within 100ft that you can see, infesting them with insidious Filth. That creature loses any immunity to the poisoned condition it has and gains vulnerability to Poison damage. At the start of that creature’s turn, it may make a Constitution save against your Warlock spell save DC to end this effect.

Don’t Ignore Me Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, lvl 8

If they won’t look at you, you’ll take advantage of it. Once per turn, you can deal an extra 2d6 damage to one creature you hit with an attack if you have advantage on the attack roll. The attack must use a finesse or a ranged weapon. You don't need advantage on the attack roll if another enemy of the target is within 5 feet of it, that enemy isn't incapacitated, and you don't have disadvantage on the attack roll. At level 12, this damage increases to 3d6, and it increases to 4d6 at level 16.

Vermin Lord Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, level 10

You can cast Dominate Beast at will as a 5th level spell without expending a spell slot, but only to control verminous creatures (an insect, arachnid, or rodent Beast with an Int of 2 or less). This control lasts for 10 minutes and requires no concentration from you, but you may only maintain control of up to 5 creatures at a time (a swarm counts as 1 creature). Controlling a new one ends the oldest instance of the effect. You cannot target the same creature with this effect again until you complete a long rest.      

Retching Wretch Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, level 10, Hacking Cough

Your Hacking Cough’s range becomes 30ft. Whenever you successfully poison a creature with Hacking Cough, choose one of the following options:

Clawing, Gnawing: The creature is wracked with muscle aches. As long as it is poisoned, it takes a -2 penalty to Strength and Dexterity-based attack rolls, skill checks, and saving throws.

Dreaming, Screaming: The creature is afflicted with a terrible delirium and fever. As long as it is poisoned, it takes a -2 penalty to Intelligence and Wisdom-based attack rolls, skill checks, and saving throws.  

Plaguebringer Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, level 10

You add Infestation and Contagion to your list of spells known. These are Warlock spells for you, and do not count towards your total spells known. You may cast Infestation as a bonus action so long as you still have temporary HP from Swarming Stalking Slither Crawling.

Contaminate Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, lvl 12

As an action, you can will the Filth to well up from the world around you, choking the ground and air. The Filth coats a 30ft radius around you with noxious gas, slick muck, and crawling things, transforming it into difficult terrain for everyone but you. Any creature besides you moving into or within the area takes 1d8 Poison damage per 5ft it travels. This supernatural muck lasts for 24 hours before fading away. You may use this ability once, regaining its use after a long rest.

Wasting Breeding Dripping Screaming Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, level 15

The lump or weight within sups upon your flesh and blood in amounts so minute you likely won’t even notice, but it’s always hungry for a more substantial meal. If you take slashing or piercing damage from an enemy adjacent to you, you can attempt to feed it by using your reaction; a Swarm of Rot Grubs erupts from the wound into the space of your attacker, and the swarm immediately uses its reaction to attack them with advantage.

This Swarm of Rot Grubs is friendly to you and any creature you designate as an ally, and will follow you telepathic commands. If left without orders, it will crawl towards the closest living enemy it can perceive to attack them, or to the closest pile of carrion within 30ft. After 1 minute passes, the swarm is too consumed by hunger and turns on itself, dying messily. Once you spawn a swarm in this way, you must complete a long rest before it can be done again.

Sire of Stagnation Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, Contaminate, lvl 20

Patches of Filth created by Contaminate last until cleaned up by an outside force, such as a massive storm, powerful magic, or the concentrated efforts of a group of people working for 12 hours. Each day the Filth patch remains, it spawns a swarm of Filthbreed Vermin (roll 1d6; 1: swarm of rats, 2: swarm of insects, 3: swarm of maggots, 4: swarm of spiders, 5: swarm of scarabs, 6: swarm of rot grubs). A Filthbreed Swarm creates a 5ft patch of Filth otherwise identical to the one spawned by Contaminate when it is slain, requiring a concentrated effort to clean that takes 4 hours.

At the DMs discretion, more powerful Filthbreed creatures may arise from especially massive patches of Filth.

Hive Mind Prereq: Mother of Filth patron, lvl 20, Vermin Lord

You may maintain control of up to 25 creatures at once with your Vermin Lord ability, and the effect lasts indefinitely until dispelled. They no longer receive saving throws.

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Fun author’s note: Going to make a more generic version of this Patron later to fit into other people’s sessions without relying on my cosmology; you can indeed just use this creature as a different spirit of pestilence and filth, but I’m also just creating a Horseman of Pestilence-esque patron later as soon as I’m more inspired which shuffles a bunch of stuff already present here around while adding some new, more obviously vile options.