#I WANT there to be varied trans experiences! I WANT there to be trans folks who I honestly CAN'T connect with

[kaninchen-reblogs]

okay but honestly? big love to all the transfems out there who don't fit the "usual stereotypes" that get tossed around a lot in online spaces.

Straight transfems

Asexual/Aromantic transfems

Sex-repulsed/non-hypersexual transfems

Transfems who aren't good at math

Transfems who aren't good with computers

Transfems who aren't big on gaming

Fat and/or hairy transfems

Transfems who like sports and the outdoors

Transfems who are "mainstream" and don't really do subcultures

Transfems who aren't furries

Neurotypical transfems

And of course, the biggest love to older transfems and transfems of color -- without you, this community wouldn't be here at all.

As a furry transfem gamer nerd who listens to weird music and is neurodivergent as hell, I love seeing all these folks online who are like me -- but I just wanted to post this thingie to make it clear that all transfems (and all trans people in general! I love you too, transmascs!) are deserving of love and appreciation, not just the ones we typically see online, y'know?

[boreal-sea]

Radfem Trans People

I want to talk about the different flavors of radical feminist trans people I have personally encountered, because the ways radical feminist / terf / gender critical rhetoric bleeds into trans discourse is fascinating to me. There are very few trans radfems, but they do exist, and how they internalize radical feminism varies.

At the core of radical feminism is bioessentialism: this needs to exist for radfem philosophy to make sense. Males have to be biologically stronger, females have to be biologically inferior, these differences must affect your personality, and they must be immutable differences that carry on even if the person is trans.

Radfem transfemmes believe that men/males are inherently bad, but that most of the badness of males/men is attached to the "man" part and socialization, and that if you are not a man, you're fine. BUT, they aren't totally divorced from the bioessentialism of radfems, because they do still believe that a transmasc who starts taking testosterone "becomes" dangerous and predatory. They also believe transmascs are "inherently transmisogynistic" and for some reason more "prone" to transmisogyny than literally anyone else on the planet.

There is a group of radfem transmascs who are the transmasc equivalent of radfem transfemmes. They believe most of what the radfem transfemmes believe, with with some minor tweaks. They believe men, regardless of birth sex, are always two seconds away from turning into monsters and must thus constantly be kept in check. They also believe that as transmascs, they are exempt from misogyny of all forms and have privilege over women of all kinds.

But, there is another flavor of radfem transmasc. This second group of radfem transmascs are basically indistinguishable from cis women radfems. They are full-blown male-haters and transmisogynists. They hate males and transfemmes so much. They believe transfemmes were "socialized male" and are still "male", that transfemmes are "predatory" and "dominate" trans spaces, etc. Every negative stereotype associated with men/males, these radfem transmascs attach to transfemmes.

Oh and nonbinary trans folks can fit into any of these groups, as well. Being nonbinary doesn't exclude you from turning into a bigot nor does it exempt you from being targeted by bigots!

Some trans radfems (of all varieties) also believe that trans men didn't experience misogyny or sexism as children - even if we didn't know we were trans at the time, even if we fully viewed ourselves as cis girls. And in some cases, these radfem trans people claim that even if transmascs weren't out and didn't know we were trans, we still somehow experienced "male socialization". Apparently all the misogyny and sexism we experienced retroactively disappears when we come out.

[st0p-the-dams]

Nah cause I'm so sick of queer people who consider themselves better than others because they have more "palatable" identities. For example, trans people who take hormones, get surgeries, make an effort to pass bashing on other trans people who have more fluid identities, use neopronouns, don't make an effort to pass. It's that idea that more "unconventional" queer identities are less worthy of respect or childish in some way. Which just reinforces the idea that the proper way to be queer is to make yourself as safe and appealing to cishet society as possible. Or that you're "faking" if you're not "trying hard enough". Oftentimes the jokes and jabs I see made about these things by other LGBT folks are the exact same ones I see made by cishet people who genuinely hate all of us.

My FAVORITE thing about the community is how varied the queer experience is and how many ways people find to express themselves! If you want to pass or feel you have necessary steps in your transition that's great but don't treat those who feel differently like garbage.

[rainbowsforbeginners]

Rainbow 101: 001

Today’s topic, as voted by you: What is LGBTQIA+?

Hello, class!

Welcome to Rainbow 101!

To start us off, today I’ll explain the acronym LGBTQIA+:

It stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning, Intersex, and A-spec - And the little “plus” at the end stands for any other queer labels that don’t fit neatly into the main acronym!

You may also see it shortened to LGBTQ+, LGBT+, LGBT, as well as a few others - But, they all refer to the same community!

Now, as this is a beginner-friendly lecture, I’ll also give a brief explanation of the main “flagship” identities - Though I highly encourage you do your own research of any terms you find interesting, as I will likely not be able to cover all nuance here!

Also, if anyone has any comments, questions, corrections, or kudos, please put them in the ask box after class!

Alright, let’s get started:

Lesbian:

Someone who is a lesbian is a women who is attracted to other women - Non-binary people can also use this label if they wish! The term Lesbian is also related to the terms WLW and Sapphic - Though I recommend finding sources who are more well-versed in those labels to understand the nuances/differences!

Gay:

The “proper” definition of gay is similar to lesbian, being a man who is attracted to other men - And non-binary folk can use this one, too! - However, you will also find many people use “gay” as a broad blanket term similar to “queer,” so context is useful here! Gay is also sometimes called MLM (men-loving-men, not multi-level-marketing :) )

Bisexual/Biromantic:

Someone who is bisexual/biromantic is attracted to multiple genders - Commonly interpreted as simply “likes both men and women.” But, as with many of these labels, there can be nuance that is different for every person; Such as having attraction for multiple, but preferring one over another. You’ll often see Bisexual/Biromantic shortened to Bi!

Transgender:

Someone who is transgender doesn’t fully identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. For example, someone who was born as a girl named Jane and later transitions to a man named John. (Something to note here: While many transgender people do fully identify with the “opposite” gender, and undergo various visual/biological transformations (ha!), there are many who don’t do either! Some people only change their pronouns, and some may not change anything!) Non-binary people are also under this umbrella term - though not everyone identifies with the label! You’ll often see Transgender shortened to Trans!

Queer/Questioning:

From what I’ve seen, “Queer” is a pretty broad label, often used as a collective term for all LGBTQIA+ people - But, I’ve also seen some people use it as a catch-all personal miscellaneous label, when they don’t care to explain or define the details! “Questioning” is pretty simple - It just means the person is figuring out some aspect of their identity, but hasn’t quite gotten there yet!

Intersex:

This one I don’t know as much about as I could, but my understanding is that an intersex person falls between or outside of the biological sex binary - And it can be as drastically obvious as physical organ differences, or more often, as subtle as having unusual chromosomes!

A-spec:

A-spec, or the A-spectrum, is a wide category for those who experience little, no, and/or specifically-parametrized attraction! Aromantic (or Aro, little-to-no romantic attraction) and Asexual (or Ace, little-to-no sexual attraction) are the more popular, “flagship” labels, but the A spectrum also includes Aplatonic, Agender, Afamilial, Asensual, and probably a few others I don’t know of! To oversimplify for the sake of comedy, the A-spec is for those of us who look at everyone else and go, “No thanks!” with varying degrees of intensity.

Plus (+):

And the + is for everyone else who might not fit within the above!

…And there you have it - That was a lot, and I’m glad you stuck around to the end!

I want to note here that many of these labels have more sub-labels nested under them, and/or have more nuance than we covered today - So, if any of you have questions or clarifications, or have a correction to make, please feel free to drop a note in my ask box!

Also, any ideas for future topics to cover would be much appreciated!

Batteries and Bars,

Neon

[genderkoolaid]

An upcoming main cast character in a story I'm working on is a multigender boygirl, and I'd really like to (as with all my writing) make sure my characterisations and writing reflect and represent real experiences as much as possible. I've also started asking other multigender folks so I can get an even better pulse on it than just my own experiences and knowledge, so - the question.

What sort of internal experiences would you like to see expressed in the writing of multigender characters, especially boygirls?

Thank you so much for asking!!!

Some general things I'd enjoy seeingI

In general, I'd love to see the different ways people conceive of their genders. There are so many labels, now and and throughout time- I like boygirl, but also manwoman and androgyne. Some people used to use "bisexual" as a description of gender. And multigender people often have such diverse ways of seeing their genders & the way their genders interact. If one of someone's genders technically aligns with their AGAB, some might feel partially cis and some might see that gender as equally trans. I think it would be lovely to see multigender characters who are really deep and complex and feel like a full person, and also have their genders considered a meaningful part of them.

Multigender sexuality, if it makes sense to incorporate it into the story. It's something that gets very heavily policed (and I personally have had to deal with the trauma of having mine policed) and I'd love to see some represention of what it's like to have multiple sexualities/labels. There's also the complicated topic of relationships, and how multigender people interact with those. There's concerns of your partner/s being comfortable with your genders, and being respectful of them. A couple people on that other post made the good point that multigender people aren't depicted as desirable partners. At least some of us worry if we could ever be desirable, because we fear our multigenderedness makes us too complicated and strange for people to actually consider as partners. & on a less sad note, there's also how different people describe their relationships; spouse? wifesband? boygirlfriend?

Atypical medical transitions! There's still not enough awareness of how genderqueer transitions can look. I, personally, would enjoy seeing a character who is also multigender and salmacian, (although salmacians can be any gender), especially because it's so rarely heard of by people outside of porn. But you could also use stuff like different ways of doing HRT, like SERMs & other stuff (can't be fucked to find links rn but if anyone wants to add atypical HRT methods go ahead)

The daily ins-and-outs of presentation, pronouns, and names. I'm someone who changes their presentation pretty regularly, who sometimes prefers different pronouns, and generally prefers different names based on the dominant gender/s of that day. I also tend to crossdress; I dress much more femme when I'm a man and much more butch when I'm a woman, although I always stay androgynous. Some people may be gender conforming for one or all of their genders, some people may not vary their presentation at all!

Related to above: the struggle of everyday binarism. you are surrounded, especially as androgynes, by the forced choice between genders, especially male and female (just by virtues of those being the most discussed and compared). People expect you to be able to fall in one, OR maybe to fall in male, female, or neutral- but ime people generally don't think about you falling in multiple. It's an issue on things like forms that ask you to choose just one gender, or using bathrooms. It can be daunting to speak up about your experience as any gender, both because it might cause people to view you exclusively as that gender, and because you worry people will discount your experiences because you are multigender. People often don't think of us as fully any of our genders, in comparison to monogender people. You may not want to include discrimination in your story, but if you choose to I would enjoy it because I'm the kind of person who prefers stories that tackle those issues to ones where they don't exist.

Shapeshifting. I feel like it's a near universal genderfluid desire. Absolute ideal body situation tbh

If you have any other questions about multigender characters I'd be happy to answer them :)

[dukeofankh]

So...the gay orgy I mentioned the other day is more accurately a Queer SOP play party. I'm going because me and my wife's partner, who's nonbinary, suggested it. And now I'm worried I might not actually be welcome as a cis-ish dude

I was rereading the event rules again because it's happening tonight. I don't know how I'd missed it before now, but in addition to the usual barring of misogyny and transphobia, and a nice uncommon addition against fatphobia...they also say that "machismo" isn't allowed. Later in the same paragraph they say they're aiming to decentralize the kink/play party scene from being "masculine focused and cis-centric"

Like... obviously the positive way to read this is as just saying "don't do toxic masculine shit". There's a rule about not having culturally appropriative hairstyles too, they could just be covering their bases and listing all of the stuff that would piss people off that they don't want. But like...there are definitely events around here that are, with varying levels of directness, trying to achieve a "no cis dudes" environment without outright saying "no cis dudes." This one is very explicitly celebrating trans and nonbinary folks, so it's not TERFy, but I'm left wondering whether I'm actually wanted there?

I've been surprised before. Like, I've been to a "Lesbians and queer people" event and very quickly determined from the way people responded to my presence that that was meant to be understood as "Afab people." (Possibly with an exception for trans women, I don't want to speak for their experiences. There were definitely some there).

Like, they also suggested that everyone wear pink? It doesn't seem like a hard and fast dress code but it is all definitely leaning towards a "let's have a sex party without any of those gross boys" vibe, but with more of a t4t spin making it "*cis* boys"

Like, I know what toxic masculinity is. I can not do toxic masculinity. Machismo? If at some point in the night I'm acting in a dominant way with my wife or partner, is that going to be read as machismo? Is being masc machismo?

My constant desperate search is to find places that I belong. I knew I'd be more of a guest in this space--im genderfluid but that means a lot of the time I am just presenting as a regular ol' cis guy--but now I'm trying to figure out whether this is coded messaging telling me that I'm not wanted here, or if I'm just having an anxiety spiral.

[hush-writes-preg]

Want to tell you I love your writing. Any suggestions on writing or advice for writing a trans pregnancy story

Thank you kindly! It's always nice to hear that folks like my work.

As far as suggestions or advice goes for trans pregnancy, I think some of the most important counsel I could give you would be to be respectful. I'm sure we both know that transgender experiences are really varied, and some folks are okay with things that others aren't, so it's important to write with an awareness and sensitivity toward trans-related concepts that raise folks like us up instead of fetishizing us. Go in with an understanding of how biology works and how the experience might be different for someone who's trans.

Also, it's good to find a niche that you really enjoy writing about. Some people like writing really femme, submissive trans twinks, while others like big, hairy trans dudes who take no shit and could probably crush a watermelon with their thighs. Some writers prefer to stick to stories that are popular (like ye olde femme, submissive trans twinks), and others like to shake up expectations by throwing tropes to the wind. By picking a direction to go in, you'll find a community of others who like similar things, and that will encourage you to keep writing.

But most of all, have fun! There's no reason to write trans pregnancy if you're not having a great time doing it.

[haveyoureadthistransbook]

X Marks The Spot edited by Theo Hendrie

goodreads

X MARKS THE SPOT is an anthology of personal essays, art and poetry all by nonbinary people from around the world on the subject of gender identity and experiences. It aims to uplift the voices of nonbinary people, to provide some much-needed representation and of course to be a resource for cis allies and questioning folks. Above all, it is a space for everyone outside the gender binary to exist with all of themselves intact. All of the contributors are nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, genderfluid, wíŋkte, trans, demigender or one of the hundreds of other labels available to people like us. This thought-provoking project is by nonbinary people for nonbinary people. We spend so much of our time explaining ourselves for the benefit of others but this anthology is different. In these pages, we get to say what we want to say, leading to work that is at once stirring, bold and moving. Contributions came from all around the world and they explore our experiences with coming out, transitioning, relationships, religion, race, disability and more. We are not a monolith. Our community is just as diverse and varied as any other but we hope that you might see yourself in our pages. We hope that you might learn empathy for the identities you don't understand. Gender identity has been a subject of intense debate but ‘X Marks The Spot’ provides an emotional connection that will foster learning and understanding no matter whether you’re gay or straight, trans or cis, binary or nonbinary. The LGBT+ community has long been misunderstood and nonbinary people are no different. If you have ever wanted to know what it was like to be neither fully a man nor fully a woman, then perhaps this might begin to tell you.

Mod opinion: I haven't heard of this anthology before, but this sounds like an interesting and varied nonfiction anthology of nonbinary experience.

[circular-bircular]

Miscellaneous thoughts about syscourse and my religion under the cut.

I left my family about 2 years ago, and only made the mostly clean cut in August. It’s been hard.

I made the divorce from my religion long before that, but cutting off from my family felt like the time I finally admitted it. That’s when I went from “figuring it out or maybe atheist” to “atheist for the most part.” But can I really be called that? Can I really claim that when so much of my life surrounds Christianity and the trauma I have from being raised in that religion? Does it even count as trauma? I struggle to tell.

I look at the spaces I’m in. I can’t speak about Christmas without a trigger warning, but this does not go for most other holidays — not in the same way, at least. I’ve been told it is because of the harm done by Christians, which I get — lord knows I’ve been hurt too.

I grew up knowing Christmas was a Christian holiday — going to Christmas Eve service each year, remembering the birth of Christ and what that meant to me…

Christmas, for me, wasn’t Christ’s birthday, really. It was more a reminder to be kind and do good, because that’s what Jesus would’ve wanted. It was the day the kings and wise men and peasants came together and agreed on something. I don’t see why Christmas can’t still mean that to me, now, even though my relationship with Christianity is… far more complicated, now. Can I still celebrate Christmas if I’m not Christian? Furthermore, can I still celebrate when I’m simultaneously multiple types of trans, multiple sexualities, and 2 demons and an angel in a trenchcoat? What does this mean for us as a system when we have such varied beliefs?

But I feel as though I can’t talk about this. For one thing, Christianity has hurt people. A lot. Myself included. But, more importantly to myself in this moment, it feels as though I can’t bring it up without starting some sort of argument, particularly due to people’s views on spirituality in system spaces. Some folks avoid it like the plague, which I don’t disagree with (for the most part, I do the same, esp having led such a sheltered life). Some see it as this Exotic Thing to be mentioned in passing to make a point, which… yeah fuck off ugh.

But the thing bothering me this season is the folks who use other people’s spirituality to either poke fun or win arguments, while simultaneously ignoring that spirituality. I wouldn’t say anything here, except I’ve seen it more than once this season, and it’s so frustrating as someone dealing with the loss of so much this year.

I’m not going to go into specifics. There isn’t any point repeating what I’ve seen said about Christmas this year. It’s just… I know so many systems who have experienced trauma regarding spirituality and religion, regardless of the religion they’ve been part of. They deserve the chance to be heard. So when individuals discount all of those experiences as purely psychological, or make jokes about that belief (especially when it’s meant to piss someone off, specifically, but even in the unintentional ways), it just. Burns.

I want to end this on a happy note, though.

My partner celebrates Yule. They do not celebrate Christmas. But last night, they agreed to leave our house and go to their parents (currently empty) house so that we could play Muppet’s Christmas Carol on full blast so I could sing along as loudly as I cared. This morning, they woke up early to make cinnamon rolls, because I have had these traditions all my life. We opened wrapped gifts and snuggled by the tree.

They do not believe in Christ. They do not celebrate Christmas. But they were with me while I celebrated, just as I’ve celebrated Samhain in the past with them, or learned what I could about their tarot, despite not believing in their beliefs.

They understand how happy this makes me. They understand that this brings me joy. And how could they ever work against that joy?

I hope all that celebrate had a merry, blessed Christmas. I hope that all who do not had a merry, blessed day. And I hope you all rest well until the New Year.

[transspeciesguy]

I am confused. I have never heard of being "transabled" or "trans(insert disorder here)." As an autistic person, I am not understanding how one can be "transautistic," for example. Either you present the symptoms and therefore have it, or you don't, right? Why would someone choose to act autistic if they were not? Also what is Transhateful? Hate is an emotion, so how can one identify as hateful?

Hi! I will try my best to explain this.

Someone usually identifies with a transID because they feel some type of dysphoria surrounding not being that identity.

Dysphoria in this context is used the same way as it is used when referring to gender dysphoria. Though many transID folks use the term "atypical dysphoria" to describe what they're feeling because its (obviously) non typical.

I cannot speak on behalf of all transautistic folks because I am not one myself, but the general reasoning behind using that label is the person feels as if they SHOULD be autistic, despite not being autistic. This could be for a variety of reasons, it depends on the person.

For transhateful, thats an umbrella term for identities like TransBiggoted, TransN*zi, TransZ*onist, etc. And the experiences of transhateful folks varies even more than other common ID's. But the simple explanation is they feel like they should be hateful, but they don't actually think that way. For a lot of transhatefuls they don't actually WANT to think that way or believe those things, they just identify with it for one reason or another.

[birdsagainsthumanity]

Not to get too real on tumblr but this has been in my brain and I gotta say it.

For me, and a lot of folks with the flavour of depression that I have, there comes this point where you have to accept there will be a non zero amount of time in your life where you're actively going to want to kill yourself. And this amount of time will vary wildly, but it's going to be non zero, and for most folks in the world, the amount of time in which they want to kill themselves is zero.

There will be jokes about wanting it, but they won't mean it. It's not going to have ever been real to them. And the fact is that genuinely, seriously considering killing yourself, not as a meme or a joke, and not even to the extent of planning it but just putting thought into it? That's not something normal people experience.

It's a fucking horrible realisation. Especially if, like me, you've spent a hell of a lot of your life actively wanting to die. On tumblr and other social media, we end up in this cloud of like minded individuals, trans and disabled voices are loud here, and we're far, far more likely to have experienced this kind of mental health crisis, so sometimes it's easier to forget that it's not normal to want to die all the time.

And it might get better, and I might never want to again, but in reality, I know it's going to be like this for the rest of my life. Ebbing and flowing, but I will always in some capacity want to die, by my own hand or by some other situation. I think I have to learn to accept that fact so that I can counteract it without sending myself into an even worse spiral.

[devilscreekballad]

Sorry for using the term "woke" I hate using it but I was making a fair point, obviously gays,lesbians,trans people existed since the start of humanity but GENDERFLUIDISM or whatever its called is a modern thing, I support the LGBTQ+ community (one of my sisters is lesbian) but there is no such thing as you changing genders every 5 seconds, genderfluidism started some years ago when people thought that being genderfluid would make them different and "cool" so in the 1800s there is no way someone would think "uhmmm right now I'm a woman but tomorrow I'll identify as a man" they would identify as only having ONE gender forever. I don't want to come off as a troll, biagot or homophobe I'm just sharing my opinion

People, more precisely bigots, have tried spreading the same believe about gay people, lesbians, trans folks, autists, peeps with ADHD, dyslexia, and people being left-handed. While this might sound dismissive and trying to take things ad absurdum, I kid you not. All these things and then some have been declared a fad people 'pretend' to be to be 'cool' (or hip, or groovy, or sleek, or whatever the term at the time might have been).

Fighting for women's rights, fair wages, one's country's independence were considered 'fads'.

Being genderfluid (and others) is no different. It's something that's part of the human experience.

Maybe you have heard the term 'body euphoria/dysphoria' describing how 'at home' a person feels in their body (often in relation to their gender).

'Gender euphoria/dysphoria' are similar. While a person might feels okay in their body, their gender might feel 'off'. Think of it as a scale from 0-10, with five being neutral.

When it comes to being genderfluid this scale can differ from day to day, stay around the same number for a long while, or change depending on the situation and similar. As everything, it varies from person to person.

In Seán's case he's what's sometimes referred to as 'male leaning', meaning most of the time he's around a 6-9 or such.

And keep in mind, this is only from a (central-european & anglo-saxon centered) western perspective. As mentioned other cultures have entirely different views on gender that sometimes overlap with the western perspective, but are something vary different.

As for historical accuracy, the Chevalier d'Éon might be an example of someone genderfluid. (again, keep in mind folks back when didn't have terms for this stuff, so we can only speculate unless we do have clear statements from the person about things)

A lot of queer history has been lost to bigots and people believing the tales about these facettes of human life being a fad, a disease or a mental illness, and who saw it their duty to 'correct' these 'shortcomings' for the history books.

Being genderfluid isn't a smartphone in the stone ages, it's historically accurate whenever you have human(oid species) in your story. The only thing you can mess up with it is the terminology.

[talisidekick]

Damn apparently ppl think im not a transguy bc i have different views of sex and gender.

wowww. how surprising/sar

Anyways, yeah im a gay trans dude. Im sorry my views are different but thar doesn't allow ppl to be dicks about it.

we disagree, thats okay. We're adults, i still say we fight for trans rights.

I hope your transition goes well

I dislike that people are so quick to assume you're not who you say you are, but I can see why. You use terminology exclusively used to separate transgender women and men and nonbinary folk from womanhood, manhood, femininity, and masculinity. It's used by "gender critical", "radical feminist" and "TERF" groups exclusively to deny peoples gender identity. It's not uncommon for members of these groups to impersonate a transgender person or put on a facade as a transgender person to fabricate evidence for their cause or cause problems for others on purpose.

I won't say your views are entirely incorrect, but I will definitively say you have a tinted lens you're looking through. Take a look at how others engage in masculinity, the language they use, and how people try to oppress them. You might learn something, and heck, you might come back and correct me on a few things. I'm a transgender woman, I'm not living the experiences of someone who's trans masculine or a transgender man; there's going to be aspects I just won't get unless you can explain it to me like I'm five because my own lens of observation is tinted a certain way too.

Sure we don't agree, but that can simply be a matter of knowledge and experience difference, even age. It's possible the language I use and the language you use carry different connotations depending on our respective time-frames of contact with these words and we're communicating similar ideas just with different terms. The field of science around gender identity has taken a massive leap forward over the years. And it can also be frame of reference, whether our learning environment has a conservative or liberal leaning and that in turn will change the kind of information we have access to to educate ourselves. It's kind of important to look at everything, even the stuff we don't agree with, so we can educate ourselves not only on the perceptions we face, but why we disagree and what the cold facts are.

The end point however, yeah, we're both transgender, and there's a lot of varied transgender folk like us. We're all under threat, our enemies want nothing but our complete annihilation to support their binary gender, sex = gender fallacy fueled patriarchal fantasy where everyone is straight, and ideally as white as possible. Recognizing their bullshit arguments and taking them down is the goal because transgender rights are human rights. None of us are free until all of us are.

[cumbunnywitch]

For the record, I am a trans woman. I've been going off about it for a little bit but the use of TMA/TME to identify masc-aligned AFAB people is actually pretty shitty and you shouldn't do it. If you think you're doing it in good faith, I have good news for you: You're not actually an asshole yet. Let me explain beneath the Keep Reading(it's gonna be a long one folks).

TMA/TME is meant to be an identifier for people who are "Affected" by Transmisogyny. Now that looks really dang simple on the surface, believe me it does. Let me tell you where it gets complicated.

Transmisogyny is the intersection of being a transgender woman and experiencing misogyny. This is the easy part.

TMA/TME isn't intersectional.

The use of TMA/TMA has lead to a notable increase in the divide between feminine and masculine aligned trans folk.

This distinction is not only too vague, but entirely unhelpful.

Number 1: Every trans person can be affected by every kind of misogyny and misandry. Yes, Misandry is a real thing, it's a word that exists in the dictionary and everything.

Let me give you an example. A TERF might say that a trans man is "just a confused girl". This is actually Misogyny, because the subject that the TERF is basing their belief on is the person having been born female. A TERF might also say "that trans man is going to kill a woman because all that raging testosterone and becoming aligned with men!" This is misandry (this has also been coined transandrophobia) because the TERF is basing their belief on the person transitioning and taking hormones.

So, now do we see? We can do the same with trans women, too. Allow me: "That trans woman is a groomer who wants to turn kids gay." The subject is feminine, and the transness is treated as the problem. Another! "That girly boy is wearing a skirt again, someone should tell him how gay he looks." The subject again is a trans woman, but is being treated as a man. This is misandry.

So, we can see now that the focal point of all this is actually the intent of the transphobe. See, they don't actually care about being right, they care about whatever delusion they've paid into. While it's important to identify transphobia, we can all be affected by it in varied ways that don't actually matter.

Number 2: TMA/TME isn't intersectional. Intersectionality is an analytical framework for understanding how a person's various social and political identities combine to create different modes of discrimination and privilege. Intersectionality identifies multiple factors of advantage and disadvantage.

What the fuck does that even mean, you may be asking. Well, I'll tell you. Basically, every single part of who you are, where you came from, how rich or poor you were, both in wealth and social mobility, race, ethnicity, sex, sexuality, gender, hair color eye color ayyy macarena all lead in to how privileged you are, in terms of a feminist progressive analysis. Basically, "being intersectional" isn't even really a thing? It's just a buzzword people mistakenly throw around when they actually mean inclusive.

If they do mean intersectional, then they are specifically referring to identifying oppression that a person may experience due to - and this is really important - every single part of their background. A trans woman can experience all kinds of oppression and violence, for a multitude of reasons. A trans man can experience very similar kinds of oppression. There are no single words, no matter how many prefixes and suffixes you butcher to get it to look pretty, it's not worth the scrabble points to try and nail down a single comment by transphobes as being one hyper-specific thing.

Number 3: This is the big one, and the reason I'm making this post. This Ask/Answer is a huge, HUGE problem. Implying that trans men, mascs, or AFAB enbies cannot or will not ally with trans women, or that they actively hate cis and trans women or AMAB, is not only a willfully ignorant point of view, but is actively dangerous to trans people as a whole, not to mention the progression of trans rights.

The thought that trans men are dangerous men, changing the words a bit and using TME instead, is actually transphobic. You are being "phobic" against some kind of "trans" person. See that? I'm being literal right here, too. If you saw the inverse of this and don't label it as transmisogyny, then you're either lying to yourself, or you don't understand anything about homophobia, transphobia, or possibly any language on Earth.

(side note, transphobia and homophobia isn't a literal fear of those stated groups, it's actually closer to a mass hysteria led from a fear of the unknown, xenophobia, and the very human habit to be aggressive towards scary things as a defense mechanism, wrapped up tightly in complex emotions because this defense mechanism was meant for when we were afraid of being eaten by predators in our caves.)

The point anyway, is that I've seen a large portion of the trans community outright denying that trans men can even have their own special kind of transphobia, which is untrue(see point 1), and using TMA/TME language to get around outright saying that transmasculine people are, in their minds, equivalent to the oppressive patriarchy. Please talk to more trans people. Everyone is an asshole in their 20s, I sure as fuck was.

Number 4: Ok so TMA/TME doesn't actually define anyone. Like, it can't. The only people who can literally be TME, is the known ruling class of a society that makes and enforces laws.

Here's the fuckin' thing guys, gals, and nonbinary pals: TransMisogyny, as stated, affects anyone that could be perceived as Feminine(the gyny part), whether they actually are or aren't.

Do you know what we base hate crime on, in the US at least? Intent. If someone attacks, say, a dark skinned woman because they think she's black, but it turns out she just has a really dark spray tan, or is Indian, or a Pacific Islander, or South American or it was really dark out, or... it doesn't matter. The intent is what matters.

You see, in this example, the woman was attacked because someone thought she was black and attacked her because of that false idea. Full stop. If a man attacks you, a trans woman, because he thinks you're "just a man with tits", that's a transphobic attack, full stop. That's where we stop caring about what kind of attack and what you actually looked like and deal with the intent of the attacker.

So, say we want to actually identify that intent and label it. IDK, for statistics or to relate to others or whatever. You can define that attack in whatever way you want from there, I guess, but if the attacker thinks "this man needs to be taught a lesson" then the attack was actually that the man intended to attack a "man", despite that not being how you identify. The overall attack is still transphobic, but comes from a place of misandry/androphobia. This comes down to a whole other list of things I'll get character limited trying to explain, but the intent is what defines an act. That's why Attempted Murder is a crime. Just because someone doesn't finish the job, doesn't mean go scot free; the intent was to kill.

___________

Let me finish with a plea. Please stop trying to make TMA/TME work. The only thing it actually does for the trans community is waste time, waste energy, and gets us to use transphobic and exclusive language. If you still think I'm wrong, go spend some time researching what intersectionality gets wrong. Spend time thinking of things that can help us all retain our rights and fight for the ones we've lost or never had.

Yelling at each other about who is more oppressed right now is by far the most idiotic thing we could be doing as a community. It's like playing chess and instead of trying to take pieces from your opponent, you knock some of your own pieces down and remove them from the board. You're just putting them in a better position to beat you. When you're down to just one pawn, your king and queen, and maybe a rook against a full board, you might as well just surrender.

If you want to be another Blair White, please get the fuck out, and stay the fuck away from pride you dumb piece of inflammatory shit. If you read this entire post and you still think it's a good idea to hate on "the other side of the spectrum" or that trans people of a different flavor are less oppressed, less subject to oppression, or anything of that nature, I invite you to please block me, and never talk to a single trans person for as long as you may live.

We don't need you. Stop holding us back.

[genderqueerdykes]

I never felt gender as something I simply have, it has always been more like something I could build and mold to my liking, kind of like when you decorate your room/house. Anyway there is a lot of talk about how being trans is not a choice but I feel like it kind of was choice for me. Like I could have made myself cis and I just didn't? Like at the start I had no gender so I was alright with fine with being seen as anything and nothing really felt correct but nothing really felt wrong either and than as I began to grow and push my gender in the direction I wanted being percieved and adressed in certain way bagan to feel more uncomfortable to me. It just so comes that I leaned away from my agab, but I think that if I wanted to, I could have made my gender match it? idk if that makes any sense

for many people, being trans isn't a choice, but some people do actively choose to play with gender, presentation, etc. some people choose to take hormones, get surgeries, etc. and change their bodies without feelings that their bodies are "wrong" or any type of dysphoria or anything like that.

i think it's okay to view it as a part of yourself that you can shape and mold and use it as a vessel to have people perceive you correctly. i don't think that's a bad or inaccurate way to be trans- there are many different ways that being trans manifests. some of us are not making a choice, but some of us are and i think that's okay- eventually, there is a level of choice made in all of this (deciding to go on hormones, deciding to socially transition, etc.) so i think it's a bit pedantic to get stuck on whether or not it's a choice

anyway, i hope that helps. i don't think you're doing anything wrong, and if that's how you feel, that's okay. different trans people have different experiences and there's no one size fits all experience. many trans folks don't like the "i've always been trans" narrative because it doesn't suit them. we are a varied bunch. take care, stay safe, hope that helps, good luck out there

[lizardywizard]

Reading about potential bans on drag shows and realising that, as a transmasc in this era, I’ve been living with a privilege I didn’t know I had.

I always say that I didn’t really have much gender dysphoria until I went to college and had my first experiences of feeling truly Perceived. In truth, it started before then: I was saddened when the neighbourhood kids began to separate into gendered friend groups. I didn’t like my name, and I didn’t want to grow up to have boobs. But until I really started getting those boobs, and being Noticed for them, I never felt like I needed to change anything about my body in order to live as myself.

A big part of that, I realise now, was that I was allowed to dress in a way that I found gender-affirming. Growing up as a kid in the UK in the 80s, it wasn’t shocking if an AFAB person wore trousers or shorts; it was seen as progressive and feminist, and while my neighbours might not have been the most progressive folks, I had a mother who encouraged it. I stopped wearing dresses around 5, at my own insistence, and though she was sad because she found them cute and enjoyed making them, my mother never made me wear them again. I’ve travelled in multiple countries with varying amounts of queermisia, and no one has once commented to me along the lines of, “Why don’t you wear dresses and skirts? Isn’t that a bit, y’know? Weird?”

An AMAB kid who doesn’t want to dress masculine, though? Unless that kid socially transitions to female and is fully embraced as a girl by their community, they have so few outlets. I hear all the time about kids and teens sneaking their mother’s or sister’s clothes, petrified of being caught. Or cherishing that one year where they got to wear a princess dress for Halloween when they were 5, or dress up in a boa and put rouge on their cheeks. How rare and precious and secretly cherished those times were to them, because it was impossible, unthinkable, to just want to wear dresses.

It’s an experience that’s alien to me as a transmasc, but at the same time chills me to the bone, because what if? It wasn’t always like that for AFAB people either; go back a few decades before my birth and, yeah, people did look at a woman in a trouser suit funny. If US society does go full fucking Gilead on us, I’m outsies, because there’s a lot of trans stuff that isn’t a need for me but I know if I was forced to dress like a tradwife I’d absolutely snap. I would go feral. There aren’t a lot of things I complained about in my childhood, so the fact that I made very clear very young that I wasn’t going to dress feminine.

But here’s the thing: transfems and GNC AMAB people are already having that experience. It’s not “women in suits” these laws are targeting, it’s “men in dresses”. A visibly AFAB person wearing masculine clothing is a “go-getter”; a visibly AMAB person wearing feminine clothing is a “pervert”. My society’s stereotypes, not mine. That’s a lot of shame that is already dumped on those kids from birth, and if we don’t fight it, it’s only going to get worse.

Personally, as a transmasc? I suggest utilising that difference for the greater good. There are plenty of people who will throw a fuss about “men in dresses” but aren’t going to want to give up their own pantsuits. If laws like this ever pass, we need to flagrantly break them, in order to take the whole farce to court and get it shown up for the regressive conservative hateboner it is.