#I also have thoughts about people who hate bruce because he has this one boundary he cannot cross

[lovelylonelymoonlight]

Not to cause discourse or whatever but you don’t get to say that Bruce is a pussy for not killing people like Jason and then also say he beats up the mental ill like ….. did you want him to SHOOT the mentally ill???? Is that what you think Jason does???? Answer quickly!!!!!

[rubydubydoo122]

What would be things the batkids would have grievances with Alfred over? It's always about Bruce but the world doesn't revolve around him only, so let's look at another guardian/grandfatherly figure.

I feel like they all would be upset with Alfred for letting Bruce get away with most of the shit he does to them. Like how Alfred's supposed to be the one holding Bruce accountable, but he doesn't. And here's the list from least angry at Alfred to most angry at Alfred

Damian. I don't think Damian realizes how much of Bruce's behavior stems from Alfred being a pushover, and he worships both of them too much to actually see it.

Dick. In those early days, Alfred was the one there for him in a house that was too big, too still, and too empty. He probably started getting angry at Alfred during his early 20s, but then it was just Dick, Damian, and Alfred, and Dick kind of became Bruce, so he had times where he resented him, but he "grew out" of it

Jason. And I think he's only the tiniest bit behind Dick because he's almost pretty much in the same boat. Alfred was the only person there in a house that was too big, and when everything was too much, and compared to this Billionaire, Alfred seemed human to Jason. He probably took comfort in Alfred before he took comfort in Bruce. And then Alfred was the one who suggested Jason should quit Robin. And, maybe for a hot second there, (and I mean, a singular passing thought then never again) he blamed Alfred for his death, but Jason also has a plethora of parental issues, so he wouldn't blame Alfred. And this is assuming Jason is completely unaware of the way Alfred low key Shat on Jason's grave so that Bruce would feel less guilty, or whatever.

Then there's Cass. She's just way too good at reading people to not see the way Alfred's pushover tendencies are effecting the 'family' negatively. She wants to yell at Alfred to "Put his foot down." But she knows he won't, so she doesn't. And In a sense, she might just be the same as Alfred.

Then there's a gap, and Duke. He didn't really know Alfred for that long, if you really think about it. Maybe a year, tops? And the reason he's smack dab in the middle is because sometimes, Bruce will do something and Duke will be like "That... is kinda messed up. Who raised you?" and then he'll take it back bc he'll realize he's speaking ill of the dead.

Tim. I hate woobifying him, but Idk, Alfred was the one who gave Tim Robin. Alfred was the one who gave Damian Robin, and I feel like, Tim, Looking back would think "What the actual fuck. What I was doing as a teenager should've been Alfred's job as Bruce's Guardian" Maybe not currently, but after some time. Maybe when he's in his 20s or has his own kids or something.

Stephanie Brown. She's the Family Friend. She has a slightly outside perspective to all of this, and she's great at puzzles. She Died for Bruce's cause and that didn't stop ANYTHING. She's constantly listening to when any of the batclan members are ranting about Bruce, and his poor coping skills and realizes that it's all just a fucking cycle and it started from Alfred. Alfred was confused on the line of professional and parent and Parented Bruce by being a Butler. Which wasn't what Bruce needed at an 8/9/10 year old who just lost his parents. And that's why Bruce doesn't know how to Parent any of his children without making them some form of a hero. Because Bruce grew up with a boundary of professionalism separating him from any real parenting, and he needs that boundary while parenting his kids. Obviously Bruce has his moments, but those are probably from when he had REAL parents.

Steph tried explaining it to Duke once, and he understood PERFECTLY, but then Duke said not to repeat this to anyone else because they worship the ground Alfred walks on.

[romanarose]

Is it okay to go up to random people in the street and ask for their number? 🧍‍♀️

If so, how do you go about doing so?

Interesting question! I think the answer depends on a lot of things. Now this is just me speaking as a woman whose been approached in a number of ways, and who has approached people in different ways. men and non binary people and other women probably have different opinions.

First and foremost I wouldn’t ask for a number, I’d ask if I could give them mine. That way they have multiple outs, and don’t feel like they gotta give a stranger their personal info

In general, if someone is walking by I would say probably not. Places to go, probably not looking to be disturbed. As least that’s been how it is for me.

If you’re at a cafe chilling or on the bus, try to strike up a convo. If they are interested, something simple as “god, I can’t believe it’s snowing already” will open up a conversation. You can say you hate small talk but you can’t just walk up to someone and say “in what ways did your dad traumatize you” 😅 if they are interested, they’ll give you a reply that’s more than “yeah”

If you think you may have a common interest, try to start with that. Guy once approached me because I was happily singing along to Eminem at a bar and we had a great conversation. It didn’t go anywhere for me, but it felt more natural. Me personally, although I’ll find someone e attractive without knowing them at all, I’m not general interested unless I think we might have similarities like they have a tattoo in Hebrew or are wearing a Bruce Springsteen shirt. But I respect people spark interest In various ways so if you just think their hot, try to strike up conversation

Don’t push though. I don’t care if you’re a woman hitting on a man, the rules of personal space and boundaries apply. Just bc they are smiling at you doesn’t mean they like you. They might just be being polite or trying to not get killed. One worded answers, attempts to leave, and eyes wondering away are signs they are not interested (lack of eye contact isn’t, as many people are not comfortable with eye contact, but if they look like they are looking for an out, walk away. Do not stand too close, do not corner them and do NOT touch. Also if the street is dark and/or they are alone, just don’t. Don’t scare them.

Ifs it’s meant to be for love, sex or friendship, it will be. You will not have to convince the love of your life to give you their number. If someone ignores you, let them be.

I know this may seem like a lot but I promise you, as a woman who has been harassed my men for my number, in almost any circumstance if a man accepts my no, I’m cool. Had a guy stop me while I was waslking and listening to music which was slightly irritating. He said he liked my Star Trek tattoo and we had a nice chat. He asked if I’d like to hang out sometime, I said no thank you, and he said alright have a nice day. No “not even as friends” no “you got a boyfriend?” No “come on I’m a nice guy” even though getting stopped wasn’t my favorite thing, he was cool and I held no animosity

So that’s the biggest thing. No means no. Looking nervous means no, saying “uuuuuhhhhhhh” means no.

I appreciate you asking! And I encourage everyone to share their thoughts in the comments!

[dilfwaynes]

hi!! can i request a hc of the batfam reaction of their eastasian!reader gf  experiencing racism? thank you <33

just a reminder if you took place in any involvement of asian hate block me rn bitch :)

a/n: i hope you enjoyed this anon, i tried to make it accurate without stepping over any boundaries since im not asian myself. if anyone finds any sort of this offensive pls dm me !!

warning ; racism, batfam beating hoes, mention of blood

parings : bruce wayne x asian!reader, jason tood x asian!reader, dick grayson x asian!reader, stephanie brown x asian!reader, tim drake x asian!reader, damian wayne x asian!reader

BRUCE WAYNE:

it’ll honestly take a minute for bruce to realize what happened

when first entering the store he took notice of the man glaring but brushed it off thinking it was directed towards him as bruce wayne

you however didnt really pay attention to the dirty looks being thrown at you

with bruce excusing himself to the restroom and makes a promise of a quick return, you wander around the area by yourself

it was all fine until a man approaches you, giving a fast glance at him before turning away. there was definitely something up with him

“you don’t belong here”

your head shot up at his words, looking around you to make sure he was talking to you

“excuse me?” you lift an eyebrow at him, knowing what he was hinting at

“you fucking heard me, you don’t belong here. go back to your country.”

you inch away as he steps closer,”you better back the fuck away..”

he simply gives a smug face only coming closer,”or what?” you tighten your jaw when he loosely lets out a slur, your fists clenched.

“or i dislocate your arm.”bruce’s voice rings out, deep in anger as his eyes flicker to you and scanning to see if you were ok physically.

the ugly bitch’s face pales when he realizes who’s your boyfriend. without hesitation bruce yanks him away from you, slamming him to the wall

demanding for a first and last name,  squeezing his neck when the guy stays quiet

shaking he gives in and tells, flinching when bruce slams him against the wall one last time before dropping him

“i guaranteed whatever poor status you do contain i’ll tear it completely, say goodbye to your job.” he grabs for your hand and brings you into him as you both walk away.

“i’m sorry i shouldn’t have left you alone, my fault,”he presses a kiss to your temple.”and please don’t think any worth of that garbage’s words.”

you shake your head,”he was just some lowlife, not worth thinking about.” you reply leaning into him.

he looked at you and could tell no matter what those words still hurt somewhat and it angered him to no end

no one deserved to hear that disgusting shit, especially not his girlfriend.

his eyes hardens but doesn’t push further to make you anymore uncomfortable than you probably already are

giving another kiss to the side of your head he makes a quiet promise to himself not to leave you alone anymore in public with disgusting people like that around

jason todd:

as soon as the slur leaves the guy’s lips jason’s fist collides to his jaw, no doubt   shattering it

you and jason were grabbing lunch at some restaurant slash bar since it was the first time in a few days jason was free

everything was okay until you got up to go to the bathroom and some guy bumped into you

jason watched with hardening eyes as you apologize instead of the guy who slammed into you

“watch where the fuck you’re going at.”

you fall shock at the word, staying in place

while jason is on his feet in no time, swinging to the asshole’s face

screams were heard as well as the sound of bones breaking from his fist impact, the guy stumbling to the floor

“you racist fucking prick that’s my girlfriend you ugly fuck,”lifting him by his shirt he grabs his face and turns him to you.”apologize to her before i break your fucking face.”

he quickly rambles apologizes, crying in fear or pain. most likely a mix of both

jaaon lets him go and gives him another punch, this time to the nose. finding satisfaction at the pool of blood now seeping out

jason grabs your hand and starts to lead you outside,”let’s go eat somewhere else and forget about this shithole.”

you barely had time to give a reaction to anything as everything happened so fast

“hey look at me, don’t listen to that worthless fuck and his fucked up mindset. i dont know what to say to comfort you since i never experienced anything like this.” he stops at the car, placing his hands onto your shoulders

you nod sighing lightly, you only wanted a simple lunch with your boyfriend but instead got hate crime for simply  breathing.

“it’s nothing i haven’t gone through before,”he shakes his head blue eyes filling up with rage.

“no one’s gonna be doing that anymore, or at least getting away with it while i’m around

DICK GRAYSON:

he was completely taken by surmise at the slur being thrown at you, as well as the fault of you being the root of the covid 19

but before he had any time to react you were already on your feet glaring,”the fuck you just called me you piece shit.”

before he could reply you already kneed him and punched him between the eyes, dick laughing at the cries of pain

“you want me to take over or you wanna handle it babe?”

even how badly he wanted to beat the shit out of the pos the choice was yours

you denied and wanted to handle this on your own

but everytime the guy tried to get up dick would just shake his head and tell him to stay down, or simply push him back down

eventually if you start going too far richards would pull you away and tell you hes not worth it

he understands your anger but he doesn’t want you to past a line you won’t recover from bc of some worthless grime

“c’mon, he’s not worth anymore of our time. lets go eat pizza.”

DAMIAN WAYNE:

swing first talk later

he’ll just look at guy for a few seconds with a blank face

then he’s literally knocking them out

will probably kick him into the wall or ground

u dont know if you wanna pull him away because you already the tabloids, or if you wanna let him continue to beating the guy

damian probably wouldn’t realize how much he beat the guy to a pulp until you’re tugging him away

nudging his neck with to your nose to try and calm him down

he’ll end the fight with spitting on him tbh

your face reddens with anger when your eyes met the racist bitch, enjoying the view of his blood on the floor

“racist piece of shit,” he hisses before finally turning his back brow still frowning with anger

unlike the others (mentioned) he also knows and experienced racism and understands your point view way more

and know bow to comfort you better tbh

afterwards he’ll talk to you and comfort you, as well as opening up about his racist encounters, as well as his mothers.

if you’re still upset about what happened some hours later he 100% offers to beat up the guy again

you laugh it off cos hes serious about doing detective work, finding the guy and beating him to a pulp

you thank him but deny his offer and settle to confiding into him and just telling him how your feelings

STEPHANIE BROWN:

“are you fucking serious right now bitch?”

steph deadpans staring at the girl who called you the slur with ease, going on about how you were the cause of corona and to go back to your country

shocked at the words, hearing all of this before but it still doesn’t fail everytime you hear them

turning to you and seeing the hurt on your face from the word, she quickly turns to seeing red

without a second thought she grabs the collar of the woman’s shirt

“you’re gonna fucking apologize to my girlfriend right now or i’m gonna slam your face into the floor and break it

you stay still, pleased at watching the girl shake in fear under steph as she chokes out a mesh of a shit rushed apologizes

stephanie throws her down to the ground after her third apologize

“are you okay?” she knew you weren’t but asking the question would lead into the stage of comforting you

you nod but go on to tell her that this isn’t the first or last time this will happen, but it still never fails to shock you

she frowns at your experiences and doesn’t quite know what to do to help since she never went thru anything like that

she offers to take you to your favorite restaurant and end the day in wayne manor watching whatever you wanted

smiling when you accept, pulling you in her and pressing a kiss on-top of your head

“dont worry i’ll beat any jackass that pulls any racist shit.”

TIM DRAKE:

i think he’ll be the less  violent one out of everyone

he would honestly be so disgusted and gross out at humanity and how the woman thinks shes superior just because she’s white

if it was a guy saying what was said, then he would probably hit them ngl

but he takes the higher road with the woman, belittling and ending her with his vocabulary

and you’re pretty sure that his words hurt her more than an actual punch would 

you laugh when he compares her built to a buffalo

he then goes on to a more education lean, explaining how skin tone has nothing to do with a person, and she should adapt to modern times and stop being a racist cunt

after he ends it he goes on to find out who she is and email/call her workplace to inform what kind of employee they have

probably also goes on to make sure she wont be hired anywhere else

comforts you alot and and will get you anything you want

prob gets you both milkshakes as you vent to him about today and other racist things said to you

hates how you have to go thru any of this for simply existing

the  incident opens his eyes and he starts talking to bruce about opening a charity for ‘stop asian hate’

would shy away from the press and say you both came up with the fund

u’ll dismiss that rq and tell everyone it was all tim’s idea

all the money goes people got assaulted and paying for any hospital bills or anything needed

[longitudinalwaveme]

Another Weird Flash/Rogues AU

Awhile ago on AAO3, I read a story with a basic premise of “What if the Kryptonians had left Krypton before it was destroyed, traveled to Earth, fallen under the leadership of Zod (or another group of evil Kryptonians) and enslaved the human race”? The story mainly focused on Bruce Wayne and Kal-El (the latter of whom quickly came to realize the wrongs that the Kryptonians were perpetrating), but, being a huge Flash nerd, I thought: What if I used that same basic idea, but focused on the Flash characters instead? This is the result. 

This AU is comparatively very early in the timeline; Barry Allen is 20 years old, Wally is about five, etc. 

-Barry Allen was about seven years old when the Central/Keystone area was taken over and its population enslaved. His mother, Nora, was sold away from him shortly thereafter. He and his father (and most of the familiar Flash characters) are owned by some unpleasant Kryptonian, as are most of the characters detailed below. (Superman fans who know the names of evil Kryptonians other than Zod, feel free to make suggestions.) In this universe, Barry’s rather timid and submissive overall. He’s very kind and wants to help people, but unlike Iris (whom he has a massive crush on), he’s not brave enough to stand up to the overseers. 

-Nora Allen passed away a few years after the Kryptonian takeover, far away from her husband and son. After mourning for a few months, Henry Allen remarried to a widow named Martha Scudder, and adopted her son, Samuel Joseph Scudder, as a second son. Martha and Henry are devoted to both Barry and Sam. 

-Sam Scudder-Allen is 16 years old, four years younger than his older brother. He was three years old when the Kryptonians arrived and was crippled at the age of seven when a heavy piece of farm machinery fell on his leg. He uses a crutch to walk and works as a tailor, since he’s not able to work in the fields. He is rather self-conscious about his “bum leg”, since it means that escaping slavery would be almost impossible for him. He’s also much more willing to stand up to the Kryptonians than his older brother currently is, mainly because he figures that, as a crippled slave, he really can’t get much worse off.

-Iris West, age 19, lives with her father, Ira (her mother died before the Kryptonians arrived), and her nephew, the five-year-old Wally West (both of his parents were sold away shortly after he was born). Fiery and rebellious; she’s been pushing boundaries ever since the Kryptonians arrived and is determined to learn how to read. She thinks Barry is very cute, but refuses to date him until he grows a spine. She won’t allow her children to grow up enslaved to a bunch of aliens. 

-George “Digger” Harkness, age 17, was sold to the Central City area from Australia when he was 14 years old. His stepfather, Ian Harkness, hated him so much that he actually volunteered to have him sold away, and Digger found himself living and working alongside total strangers. He’s mouthy and stubborn, but is afraid enough of the Kryptonians that he’s not openly rebelllious.

-Evan McCulloch, age 6, was sold to the Central City area from Scotland only a few months ago. He’s terrified and misses Miss McCulloch badly. He’s also been semi-adopted by Henry and Martha Allen. 

-Claudio and Marco Mardon, aged 18 and 17, respectively, and their parents, Paloma and Mattias, immigrated to the United States from Guatemala a few years before the Kryptonians conquered Central City. Surprisingly, the family was not separated and has remained together ever since. Marco, the younger of the two, is clumsy and awkward, but generally keeps his head down and doesn’t cause trouble. As a result, he, ironically enough, is actually the golden child in this reality. Claudio, with his passionate love of learning, rocks the boat too frequently and gets into trouble too often-he’s even taught himself how to read, something that humans aren’t allowed to do under Kryptonian rule. Paloma and Mattias have tried to dissuade him, but to no avail. Marco, on the other hand, greatly admires his older brother and wishes he had his courage, and the two are very close. The family speaks as much Spanish as it does English. 

-Roscoe Dillon, age 16, lives and works in his Kryptonian owner’s estate alongside his mother, Rosa. (His father, Reginald, was sold off when Roscoe was nine.) He and Rosa are isolated from most of the other humans; as result, Roscoe has few friends. He’s also more than a little odd (thanks to being on the autism spectrum), but, fortunately for him, his love of routine and organization mean that no one can find fault with his work. He still loves tops and has created dozens of them to play with when he’s not required to work. 

-Mick Rory, aged 22, is a soft-spoken gentle giant. His family was killed in the Kryptonian invasion, and he still mourns their loss, but otherwise his life hasn’t changed as much as most of the other humans’. Having grown up on a farm, he’s used to working in the fields and adjusted to the farm labor the Kryptonians required much more easily than did most others. He is friendly and helpful to everyone and has taken in a 7-year-old girl named Linda Park, whose parents were sold off.

-Giovanni Giuseppi, aged 10, lives with his mother, Helen. He and his family, used to a migrant lifestyle from their time in the circus, managed to evade the Kryptonians for quite some time, but, when the Kryptonians finally captured them, his father, Alessandro, was killed; being dropped from a high height. The six-year-old Giovanni, already terrified of heights, was traumatized by this event. He and his mother were then sold to the Central City area. Giovanni is terrified of Kryptonians; as a result, he never disobeys orders. Once lively and energetic, Giovanni is now rather timid and reserved-but he’s still incredibly intelligent. 

-Joan Garrick is the widow of Jay Garrick, the Flash, who was murdered by Zod in order to prevent his speed from becoming a threat. She is determined to carry on his work by educating as many people as she can; in the hopes that this will enable them to escape and eventually overthrow the Kryptonians. She is very close to Iris and Claudio, and hopes to teach them everything she knows.

-Hartley Rathaway, age 9, lives with his parents, Rachel and Osgood Rathaway. When the Kryptonians first arrived in Central City, Mr. and Mrs. Rathaway struck a bargain with them; giving them all the knowledge they would need in order to take over the city with ease in exchange for being able to maintain their own wealth, freedom, and power. The Kryptonians used the information provided by the Rathaways to take over the Central/Keystone area...and then enslaved the wealthy couple along with the rest of the city’s populace anyway. Needless to say, Mr. and Mrs. Rathaway are not particularly well-liked by their fellow humans. Not at all accustomed to physical labor or powerlessness, they often get into trouble with the Kryptonian overseers, and aren’t likely to receive much help from any other humans. As a cruel joke, Rachel was allowed to keep her jewelery, and, when the Kryptonians hand out the yearly supply of clothing, they always receive the finest clothes...which are, of course, of no use at all for hard physical labor. Hartley is better-liked than his parents, but he’s deaf and mute, and, since no one had the time to teach him sign language, he struggles to communicate with anyone other than his parents. It also means that the Kryptonians use him for their own amusement, rather than having him work in the fields or in a trade; mocking the obvious inferiority of the human race that he represents. That being said, he has grown suprisingly close to Giovanni Giuseppi. 

-Leonard and Lisa Snart, age 18 and 13, respectively, are unusual. Of all the humans of the Keystone/Central area, and perhaps the planet, they are the only ones who are not enslaved. When the Kryptonians arrived in the area, Leonard was 5 years old, and his sister was a newborn. His biological father, Larry Snart, was an abusive father and husband, and regularly beat both his wife and Leonard. One night, in a drunken rage, Larry accidentally killed his wife and was preparing to brutalize his son when several Kryptonians broke into the house. Larry attacked them and was promptly killed, but, fortuitously for Len and Lisa, Zor-El and Alura arrived on the scene and adopted the children as their own, in the hopes of saving them from the slavery they knew Zod and his allies had planned for humanity. To avoid raising suspicion, they claimed that they had adopted the children because of both children’s icy blue eyes, which strongly resembled the eyes of most Kryptonians. The children had the eyes of Rao; they said. They had been blessed with civility and intelligence that was unlike that of other humans; they deserved the chance to be raised as Kryptonians. The argument was broadly accepted, and so Lenonard and Lisa Snart became Len-El and Lisa (pronounced LYE-za) of the house of Jor-El. They were raised as Kryptonians, and, although Zor-El and Alura refused to own slaves and secretly helped many humans escape to freedom, they could not allow the children to spend time with members of their own species, lest it raise suspicion about their work. As a result, both Len-El and Lisa think of themselves as Kryptonian, and, since they are surrounded by Kryptonian children and taught by Kryptonian teachers at school, both of them firmly believe that humans need to be controlled by Kryptonians. Lisa thinks of other humans almost as cute pets, having never met another member of her species, but she is curious to learn more about them. Len-El despises the fact that he’s human. Thanks to his horrific experiences with his human father, Len-El believes that humans are cruel and barbaric, and he wants nothing to do with them. He wants to be Kryptonian, just like his loving parents. He and Lisa also have a little sister, Kara Zor-El, who is 7 years old. They adore Kara, and she adores them. They’re also both quite fond of their cousin, Kal-El (age 19). 

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

we are our family, even if we don’t want to be.

Titans 3.07

a bit over halfway through the season, and we still don’t have all of our main characters on the board! i love this show.

as always, typing this up as i watch. live reaction, baby! *shadowboxes*

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. i don’t think i’ve mentioned this before, but i kinda miss the old ‘dc universe’ intro. it was cool! the whole idea of it was wild and waaaaay over-ambitious, but also very very on-brand because of it.

2. this is... the third time we’ve seen dick sleeping this season? that’s a record! checking another thing off my s3 wishlist...

2.5. i guess i rag on titans all the time for its wafer-thin plotting and bad pacing, but i have to admit that this season has been a step-up from the last one in this regard. titans has very reactive rather than proactive protagonists, and a lot of the last season seemed to be: x happened, the team reacted badly, then y happened, they reacted badly, etc. this time around, it’s not a huge leap up by any means, but at least they’re doing something about it. 

i do appreciate the focus on character arcs over everything else. and when i say everything else, i mean it: arcs that started two seasons ago with no big cathartic moments, intermittent payoff and multiple relapses. big bads have ranged from interdimensional demons to superpowered assassins to whatever in the world scarecrow is, but trigon’s big weapon against the titans was to... use their worst fears against them. slade’s was to... use their fears to break them up. crane’s is to... use red hood to use their fears to break them up. even the threat of gotham’s citizens being in danger doesn’t feel real: gotham is mythologised into an entity of its own, infecting our heroes like a parasite. like. this is not to say that most other superhero media aren’t big character arcs intertwined with the main plot, but titans doesn’t even make pretend that it’s anything but.

anyway. that’s my entry #2345 to ‘give a grand unifying theory for titans’. thanks. i’ll be back with more.

3. “anger is just fear in a little black dress.” god I HATE HIM

(what’s he doing with barbara’s likeness? oh... oh god. a terrible thought just occurred to me. what if they introduce hush at the very last minute for plastic surgery shenanigans? would you put it past this show?)

3.5. jason, nooooooooo

3.75. i mean, they’re making it very clear here that scarecrow is the one in control--the one who’s always been in control--and is manipulating jason and literally poisoning him, but i hope it doesn’t end up erasing nuance or jason’s autonomy. if jason’s to reckon with the issues that brought him here, then the lines of responsibility will need to be set somewhere. 

(this applies to dick as well but more on that later, i guess.)

4. just--the phrase “40% loss of income” is so funny to me. like, gotham is full of these larger-than-life characters who are idiosyncratic beyond belief, colourful and dramatic and creating chaos just for the sake of chaos, and then there’s the regular criminals and their henchmen who just want to make a quick buck sitting down with pie charts and graphs, griping about the joker reducing their returns or debating high risk investments in, i don’t know, two-face’s next scheme.

“yyyyeeeeeaaah, my financial advisor is telling me that going all-in with a guy who literally makes decisions on the flip of a coin is probably not the greatest idea.”

4.5. god i hate smug!smarmy!scarecrow so much

4.85. as big plans to “control” gotham go, it’s pretty bog-standard. clearly scarecrow has some bigger plan in mind but it really feels like we’ve got no clear insight into him and he’s this generic creepy mystery-man who knows more than he lets on and springs a twist/cliffhanger every now and then. i liked the scenes with him and dick in 3.04 where it seemed like he was genuinely on the backfoot and things weren’t going as he predicted. for all of his faults, dick is at least familiar with scarecrow’s bullshit and knows not to give what he wants.

5. i mean... i see where dick is coming from with the “he’s not jason anymore; he’s red hood” because his immediate glaring concern is scarecrow’s drug and the damage it could potentially cause gotham? i do not doubt that it’s something batman drilled into him, too, but when you’re expected to take point on a situation where the lives of an entire city weigh down on your shoulders, it’s better to simplify things and prioritise. i’m not saying it’s great or healthy! gar is absolutely right to consider this facet of the situation. it’s just dick can’t.

6. hmmmmmmm. HMMMMMMMMMMM. 

i don’t know that i’m super fond of this iteration of oracle???? it looks like a cross between cerebro from x-men and jarvis from iron man. it’s giving me second-hand embarrassment. somebody help me.

(at least they remembered dick’s middle name is actually “john”. i like to think bruce printed D in that contract because for a while he genuinely thought richard “dick” grayson was his full name. duck duck goose, dick dick grayson, i don’t know alfred, the kid was in a circus, maybe they thought it was funny. or maybe it was a test in anger control, who knows.)

6.5 “maybe you two would like some time alone?” even AI can’t help hitting on dick grayson in this universe.

“oh mr grayson, if i only had another eye to see you better...”

6.8. on one hand, it’s a bit disconcerting that the title of ‘oracle’ has gone from barbara herself to this gigantic machine; from my impression of the comics-verse, barbara had an extensive computing and surveillance system, true, but she was very clearly the brains behind the operation. on the other hand, i’m kind of glad that the ethical boundaries that this kind of surveillance violates is a sticking point for barbara. (tho let’s be real, the nsa would kill to have this in their arsenal).

6.9. also it’s now obvious that scarecrow’s big plan is to take control of oracle itself. it’s why he had lady vic take that picture of her eyes, or why he’s meddling around with it on his computer.

6.95. if only i could ‘command sleep’ anybody overstepping their boundaries re: personal information...

7. “you can just sit back and watch as the titans destroy themselves.” i mean... he’s not wrong

8. “dick’s parents were killed by a criminal mob; he won’t work with them.” it’s wonderful that you have this insight into dick, kory, i just wish we could’ve watched some of these conversations actually happen on-screen.

8.5. i’m glad that kom’s being treated with such nuance and understanding, though it’s obvious that she definitely has a Plan of her own. (and did i entirely imagine her ability to mimic other people flawlessly at the end of s2? or is that going to come into play at some point?) i think her story has the potential to be genuinely poignant, and in a universe where being Different, either because of mental health or physical differences or whatever else, leads a straight line to Evil, it’s important to acknowledge and then emphasise that the mere fact of your existence as a Different Person doesn’t predispose you to evil. maybe your act of destroying a system that has destroyed you and not scrambling to “fit in” is only evil as defined by that system. 

8.8. “you’re trespassing, i should call the authorities, i feel unsafe.” now this is a villain lady who’s definitely aware of her privilege.

8.85. kom smirking knowingly at her sister is everything.

“oooh that’s the kory i remember”

9. conner and dick working together woo!

9.25. god i hate a villain who’s always just a step ahead, no matter what. so crane anticipated dick using oracle to track his personal communications and set him up? how did he know when exactly dick would get to do this? how long did he have that poor man tied up in that van?

(the “save me, grayson” is a nice touch, tho. send dick spiralling even further! because if there’s one thing dick will do, it’s take responsibility for every goddamn thing that goes wrong.)

9.5. ahem. i’m going to need a million gifs of conner yeeting dick across that yard, fandom, thankyouverymuch.

(i understand conner is invulnerable to explosions, but how do his clothes survive??)

9.8. oooh crane is already in oracle! i’m just sitting here laughing helplessly because they’re overpowering this goddamned guy so much. he can build a lab in arkham’s basement! he has access to lazarus puddles! he has minions working across gotham, including a fully functional chemical laboratory staffed by chemists who only answer to him! he has the crime families of gotham quailing in his very presence! he has assassins at his beck and call! he’s enough of a manipulative bastard to have red hood under his thumb! and now he has enough of a tech know-how to not only be aware of oracle, but know how to hack into it! i’m sick of exclamation marks! i’ll shut up now!

9.95. dick leaving behind that smouldering grave for a person he failed to save without taking a second to process how he feels about it and running towards his next plan to corner scarecrow: a microcosm of where his head’s at right now.

10. really hammering in the themes of this season, aren’t we. 

10.25. the interesting thing is the titans repeatedly call themselves a family this season (none more so than dick) and while that found family has helped encapsulate and put away their traumatic experiences with their ‘original’ families, it’s meant that they’ve not really dealt with those issues. and dick and gar and jason come from ‘found families’ of their own: they are twice removed, traumatised two times over. they still cling to this identity however, and because of it they’re losing each other. a family isn’t static. it’s an ever-evolving dynamic and you have to put in work constantly to keep it healthy.

10.5. anyway, that’s entry #2346. i’m here aaaalll night.

11. lookit gar the detective! half-transforming and using his powers to deduce things! what a hero! i’ve said this for a long time, but gar is the bedrock of this team, and an unsung one at that.

11.25. i’m confused about him calling this room jason’s though. it seems to me that this is dick’s room that jason later used, and one that dick’s using now. so the unmade bed isn’t really jason’s fault; dick was woken by barbara that morning, and in his hurry, he left without making his bed.

(it still confounds me that bruce didn’t find jason another bedroom in that gigantic mansion of his. you really didn’t give this kid a chance, did you?)

12. oh well. so much for the oracle.

13. ... sorry, wait. you didn’t think i wasn’t going to address the bit with dick right now, did you?

12.5. i honestly don’t think it’s very complicated: dick’s been reeling from one traumatic thing to the next, and just when it seemed like at the beginning of the season, he felt happy and secure with his team and his place in the world, bruce ups and leaves gotham to him, specifically naming him a successor and calling him a ‘better batman’. he’s lost garth and jericho and donna and jason and now hank and dawn. he’s not even sure where rachel is or what she’s doing. after being told that batman was a psychopath for moulding him into a weapon, he’s also been told that his failure to be a ‘better batman’ lead to further disaster. of course he’s going to get batman-goggles. of course he’s going to be a prick. 

12.8. i don’t know what to say. i feel his frustration acutely. i don’t think he should’ve said what he said to barbara (can people stop pushing her around this season????) but that pressure to step in where your parent fails? to clean up their messes and try to think like them? to fall into habits drilled into you when you developed them as coping mechanisms growing up? I FEEL THAT. 

every step he’s taking he’s putting 110% of himself in it and scarecrow’s still playing mindgames with all of them: i absolutely feel his desperation to take control of that game and turn it on scarecrow, no matter what it takes.

and he did apologise almost immediately, and finally--finally--actually works with barbara. 

12.9. again, not excusing him! but i get it. and i think that’s a sign of great character writing.

“did you know i just reminded emmram of all of her daddy issues? what the fuck????”

12.95. i love that dick&barbara, kory&kom, and gar are all approaching solving this mystery from different angles, each as valid as the other. also, conner is there as... emergency bomb defuser man?

13. it’s like all fancy rich people in fancy rich houses do is pour fancy rich alcohol into fancy rich glasses on pristine, untouched tabletops. i wonder what it’s like to live like that.

13.25. I KNEW IT! poor michael. it was nice knowing you.

13.5. man, kory is contending with a lot of issues that she’s successfully bottled up and compartmentalised until now. the cold reality that a child can seek out their parents as refuge and they can view the child as a piece to be moved in a greater game (never out of cruelty, though, never, and somehow that makes it worse), that truth of blackfire’s treatment on tamaran because she’s different, and her own culpability in what happened. she exchanged one family for another, after all, and left that family to die and her sister to suffer. like dick, like gar, kory’s being forced to reckon with what the titans are meant to be, the larger implications of creating their found family in their own space.

14. it’s probably because it’s one in the morning and i’ve had two glasses of wine but i did not follow that bit of exposition at all and victor freeze??? what? 

anyway. look at them solving things! together! go team!

“you made a deal with the mob?” oh the sense of betrayal on his face! fuck off, dick, your issues aren’t kory’s. 

15. conner is really sweet and a bit of an awestruck crush on kom is to be expected. especially after that power rangers-esque transformation (i say this as a former huge power rangers fangirl. i’ve seen every series until 2007 including the original japanese versions and written fanfic for all of them. so i love a cool costume transformation, is what i’m saying.)

also?

FUCK YEAH

16. i love the gotham crime families just chillin’ around eating ice cream. I LOVE THEM

16.5. that was a fun fight sequence, if marred slightly by that bit of awkward flirting between conner and kom. i wonder if she’s really planning to use him in a larger scheme to get kory back to tamaran, or maybe something else. 

16.75. so i’m assuming that scarecrow has jason either so paralysed by fear that he can barely move, or jason’s withdrawing from the drug that he’s been sucking in every few minutes. 

17. it’s nice to see them chill after a successful mission! and it can be awkward, but conner’s crush on kom and him striving to impress her is also, well, uh... cute.

17.5. i guess the dick/barbara scene was inevitable, especially given the... unresolved nature of their relationship in the flashbacks? and they’ve been through a rollercoaster together this episode, discovering and then destroying an incredible tool within a matter of hours, re-discovering just how well they work together as a team. dick’s swimming in the nostalgia. i don’t expect it to last as a long-term relationship, but i totally get why this is happening now. and hey, they’re cute!

i have a weeeirrrrd feeling that kory is going to leave to tamaran at the end of the season and that dick and kory will rekindle--or rather realise--their relationship just before that. it’s going to be devastating and beautiful and painful and i will be writing essays about it which would be me just wailing into the screen.

18. gar found molly!!!!!!! MOLLY’S BACK! \o/ gar is the BEST

19. that was a fun episode! i love this silly show, even if it does destroy me sometimes <3

[sweet-sammy-kisses]

Get a Little Worn Down in Between

For @summer-of-whump day 5 prompt: broken which gave me a reason to write hurt Tim Drake and protective Jason. Fandoms: Batman Comics/Red Robin Comics Warnings for: Suicidal thoughts, talk of emotional and physical abuse.  You can also read it on AO3 Rated Teen(PG-13)

Jason wondered if they even realized that they had broken Tim, the one that gave everything and asked for very little in return who fought and still fought to be usefully in hopes that it would mean that he would be welcomed into the family until they broke him beyond repair.

Given the smug smirk on Damian's face as the little demon stood behind Dick and Bruce as he once away got away with emotionally and verbally abusing Tim while Tim was lectured about how he was older than Damian, he couldn't let Damian get to him, Damian is just a child and Tim should know better.

Jason could see as each barb hit deep and left another scar already over his sacred heart.

"Enough!" Jason snarled as he stomped forward and pushed Tim behind him. He had done his fair share of harm to Tim, he allowed Talia to manipulate him, to twist and turn him into her weapon to get rid of Tim. He still didn't know why she hated Tim so much that she would use him and now her son to get rid of him

He saw Talia in Damian and it scared him. He couldn't deny that Dick had done wonders with the little gremlin but staying quiet while Damian went after Tim with everything he had to push him to the edge needed to stop it wasn't helping Damian it was just enabling him. If no one took Damian aside and explained to him why trying to kill Tim, why attacking him not with just his weapons but also his words were wrong and needed to stop Jason was afraid that one day they would find Tim standing on the edge of a ledge and no words would be enough to pull him back from the edge.

Tim had saved this family, it was time someone saved him.

"Just enough. Stop it. No," Jason held up his hand when both Bruce and Dick looked to speak, "You both have done enough talking now it is time for you to listen and you will listen to me even if I have to tie you to chairs, you will fucking finally listen." Jason snarled out.

"Jason?" Tim's soft voice came from behind him and Jason's heart nearly broke at how soft and hopeful it sounded.

Turning to look over his shoulder Jason flashed Tim a soft smile, "It's going to be okay baby bird." He found himself promising.

Biting his lower lip Tim looked at his Robin, his hero and he felt safe, not like he felt when he was with Kon, Bart, Cassie and Cass but safer than he has felt in the cave for years. "You don't have to do this." The last thing that Tim wanted was to cause strife between Jason and the others just when Jason was slowly starting to return to them.

"I'm doing this Tim because it should have been done long ago."

"What is this drivel? We have more important things to worry about than Drake's feelings. He is just proving how weak he is."

Jason didn't miss the way Tim flinched at Damian's words or how he curled into himself when no one spoke up for him.

"Your mother sure taught you all of her tricks on how to manipulate people. I heard that speech from Talia before when she was doing everything in her power to turn me against Tim. To make me her weapon in getting rid of him. I'm just surprised that Dickie and B are weak-minded enough to fall for that bullshit trick." Jason casually commented. "Physical, emotional and verbal abuse are three tricks of the Al Ghul's and you Damian have mastered them." Jason clapped slowly. "Your mother and grandfather must be so proud of you. You are proving you are Al Ghul through and through."

Damian froze as Dick let out a growl, "That is enough Jason." Dick snarled out.

Cocking an eyebrow Jason looked at Dick like he was a speck of dirt on his boot, "So it is wrong for me to talk to Damian like that but it is okay for him to talk to Tim even worse? And don't give me that bullshit that Tim is older and Damian is just a child because that excuse is shit and you know it. Tim is not an adult yet, he has been forced to grow up fast all of his life. He never had a childhood, the only happiness he had was chasing us all over Gotham. He is not you Dick! He didn't need space, he needed his family supporting him while he was grieving losing so many people that he loved. And what does he get a little brother that tries to kill him and doesn't even get a stern talking to? No, he gets Robin and he gets to keep up the emotional and verbal abuse because the only adults in his life are too much of a bunch of cowards to step up and set boundaries for him!" Jason could feel the rage of the pit starting to bubble up, a soft touch on his arm had him turning to look at Tim who had stepped up beside him.

Tim could see the pit beginning to take over and that was the last thing he wanted, Jason had worked so hard to learn to control it that he didn't want to set him back. "For so long I have wanted a family." Tim started and he found himself licking his lips as he met Dick's gaze, "From the moment you gave me that hug that horrible night I wished that I could be your little brother. Batman and Robin were more than my heroes they were the family I longed for." He moved his gaze to Bruce, "No matter how hard you pushed me, wanting to make me quit and go away I fought all that much harder to find a place here because you were my family. Only no matter how hard I tried it was never enough. I would never be Jason, I was just his replacement, a placeholder until someone else came along. Someone who was wanted."

The smugness returned to Damian while Dick paled as the words began to sink in and Bruce began to see where this was going.

"I will never be Dick. I will never be Jason. I will never be Cass. I will never be Damian. All of them are loved and wanted in this family. I am just Tim, the replacement, the placeholder, the tool of the Batfamily. I love you all, even you Damian. I had been so happy to learn that I was going to have a little brother that I could pass Robin off to." There was a tear trailing down Tim's cheek as his voice broke.

Jason felt his heart break for Tim as Damian's eyes widened as Tim's words finally seemed to sink in.

"I knew I wouldn't be Robin forever and that you would someday be ready for it. I know you hated me, Damian, that you saw me as someone you needed to get rid of to prove your worth here. I don't know if your hatred of me grew because I was the first and only one who drew a line in the sand and told you that we don't kill. In the end, it didn't matter because Bruce or Dick never once backed that rule up. They never thought to set limits for you because you had a tough life. But the thing is Damian you weren't the only one. And I'm not even talking about myself but Jason and Cass, both of who have made amazing progress because someone took the time to sit them down and teach them what is and isn't acceptable. I guess since I am the only one you want gone neither Bruce nor Dick think it is important enough to teach you why words can cut deep and leave scars that sometimes never heal. I guess I just am not worth it to them, after all, I am the unwanted one."

"Tim." Dick took a step forward, his hand reached out to touch Tim, only to stop when Jason shifted so he was once again standing in front of Tim blocking the younger man from view.

"Now is not the time Dick," Jason stated his voice hard.

"It's okay Jason," Tim informed him as he moved out from behind his bulky form, staring at his so-called family Tim decided it was time to announce the decision he had come to weeks ago, "I think it is best for myself if I left Gotham."  

Silence filled the cave, not even a bat could be heard.

"Son," Bruce started his eyes wide, he knew that things had been rough but he never expected this.

Tim shook his head, "No, it is too late. If I stay here it won't be long until I am jumping from a ledge."

Dick's legs gave out from him as he collapsed on the floor and out of the corner of his eye he could see Bruce falling back into the chair at the Bat Computer. Even Damian looked affected by Tim's words.

"If it wasn't for Kon and Bart finding me, breaking the no meta rule I wouldn't be standing here today. And that is why I am leaving. I can't take being someone's punching bag and then being blamed for defending myself. I am done being the victim in what is supposed to be my home. So I am moving to San Francisco permanently. Red Robin will no longer be a part of the Bat's so please don't contact me, not that you have. I haven't heard from any of you but Jason and Cass for six months."

"Timmy," Dick's voice cracked as he realized that he was losing his baby brother, again. "Please don't go." Once again he felt helpless as another brother left him behind.

"I can't Dick." Tim's eyes were full of sorrow as he met Dick's pleading gaze. "I can't stay here and wither away until there is nothing left of me. I am barely hanging on as it is. I'm sorry but it is time I put myself first for once. I will miss you, despite everything I still love all of you and still think of you as my family." With nothing left to say Tim turned on his heel and left the cave.

When Tim's footsteps could no longer be heard Jason let out a laugh, "Well Talia's plan worked she wanted to get rid of the light of Batman and she did." Not wanting to be around them any longer Jason turned on his heel and left, he wanted to make sure that no one tried to stop Tim from leaving.

Dick looked shaken as he turned to face Bruce as he begged to know, "Bruce, what do we do now?"

Bruce had no response all he could focus on was how much darker the cave looked now that Tim was gone.

[ellana-ravenwood]

“What it means to be a big brother” - by Damian Wayne (Batfam x Fem!Reader)

I wanted to write a story with Damian as an older brother, and how he came to learn what it meant to…well, basically the title haha. And since quite a few of you lately asked for more Thomas, here we are. I hope you will like it :

My master list : @ella-ravenwood-archives . Links to stories where Thomas appears (for those who do not know who he is) in the author’s notes at the end of the story.

__________________________________________________

Right there, with his new little brother in his arms, standing in front of his family...Damian didn't dare to move an inch.

There wasn't a muscle in his body that wasn't tense.

In this exact position, things were going well, so he wasn't about to move. Staying like this forever sounded more and more like a good plan.

Because if he did move…There was a chance he’d drop him.

"You don't have to be so stiff you know ?"

Tim said, amused.

He was the one that was holding the baby just a few minutes ago, and was clearly not as stressed as Damian about it. He was also the one that laid little Thomas in his brother’s arms, and therefor was the cause of the “full body lockdown” Damian was going through.

Slowly, Damian turned his head towards Tim (he couldn't move too fast, because there was a risk he'd drop the baby !) and said through gritted teeth :

"Yes I do. If I don't, I might drop him !"

The word “drop” was resonating in Damian’s head, and it was the only thing he could think about.

Drop. Drop. Drop drop drop drop.

It was starting to lose it’s meaning, and only the fact that it would be terrible if he “dropped” something stayed in the boy’s head.

But then the baby moved, and Damian looked down instinctively.

His eyes fell upon his new little brother’s face and...He felt his heart drop.

What was this feeling ? Why, all of a sudden, did he feel overwhelmed and full of...something ? An emotion he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

It kinda made him want to cry.

His eyes glued to the little body in his arms, trying to understand this intense surge of emotions, he finally raised his head after a few seconds and said, a hint of disbelief in his voice :

“I’m-I’m a big brother.”

And boom. There it was.  

Up until now, you had managed to keep your cool, looking at your sons and daughter holding Thomas in turn, and beaming at him happily.

But here, that bewildered look on Damian’s face, and that smile he probably didn’t even notice he had on, was a little too much for your heart.

Damian was the one you were most worried about, when it came to meet baby Thomas. You weren’t sure how he’d react.

All along your pregnancy he was doing fine, and seemed excited about the prospect to have a new brother. But at times, when nobody was looking at him, you noticed the worried look in his eyes, and it frustrated you to no end to not be able to know for sure what your son was thinking.

You’ve always been good at deciphering the Waynes’ emotions, sometimes even better than them themselves. But in that case...You couldn’t quite put your finger on what kind of worries were assaulting your boy.

Was he afraid you’d love his little brother more ? Or that he wouldn’t be the “baby” anymore ? Maybe afraid not to be a good enough role model ? Or to simply to not find a way to bond with him ?

So many questions, and no answers. 

Maybe it was a mix of all of that. But you just couldn’t decide. And it was an immense source of stress for you.

But here, right now, as you witnessed Damian smiling widely and whispering “Im a big brother”, your own worries suddenly vanished.

You turned to your husband who was right next to you, and put your head against his chest, muffling a "awwwww" sound that you feared might put Damian on the defensive. Instinctively, Bruce wrapped his arms around you (this called for some “I know, I know they’re cute” support).

God forbid anyone would catch your little buddy being so sweet. Haha. He hated when you called him that.

Sweet.

But he truly was ? He just didn't know it yet.

You were sure no one ever told him he was "sweet".

But he had all this little attentions for you, his father or siblings. 

He might think of it as nothing, but you all noticed. You noticed all the drawings he’d left in strategic points for all of you. Or how meticulous he was in preparing pop corn or hot chocolate for movie nights. Little things, that when added, became grand. 

You noticed everything. All of you.

Most importantly, you noticed the big changes in him.

Damian was 12 now.

He came into your life two years ago and, after quite a while of him refusing this little family his father made for himself, and making life difficult for everyone…He came around. He understood.

And you never blamed him for being difficult at first, on the contrary. You were the most understanding of them all, scolding your kids or Bruce himself, when they were too unforgiving or frustrated too fast !

It was a team work, to make Damian feel like he was finally home. 

Feel like he was amongst his family. 

Like Dick, Jason, Tim and Cass were his siblings, and although you weren’t his biological mother, you saw him as your own son too.

It was a learning experience for everyone. 

Bruce did a great job at being patient, and teaching him about his own values and such. Forgiving him when he took the wrong decision, all the while still being strict. It was a balance of understanding, softness, forgiveness, and yet still putting important boundaries. Damian never really experienced any of this... 

Your kids had some practice at being older brothers, and only Tim needed an acclimating moments...But he was a fast learner. After the first initial bad meeting, they became close. Although of course, they still bickered from times to times. After all, they were little/big brothers. Everything couldn’t always be perfect. Life wasn’t like that. 

As you looked at Damian and Thomas, you wondered...Would Damian, just like his siblings, find his own way to become a big brother ? How would he proceed ? He had, after all, a lot of role model for this. But would he decide to take the same approach ?  

The future was more unknown than ever, but as you looked at your family surrounding you, and this new beaming little life that entered yours, you had quite the high hopes. 

************

"July 15th 20?? (I’m not putting an exact year cause ya know, it wouldn’t stay accurate). Thomas : three days old.

          I am starting this logbook to understand. I got the idea from Grayson, whom I think got the idea from mom ? I always see him write in that journal of his. I think when he was younger, after he lost his parents and just started to live with father and mom, she suggested to him to write his feelings down. And so he started journaling. He has a bunch of filled notebooks in his room. I saw them a few times, but I never looked. Mom says it’s his thoughts, I would never intrude (okay maybe I “intruded” once. Or twice.). 

         That’s not the point of this anyway. According to both him and mom, writing down their feelings help a lot. So I asked Grayson if he could give me a blank notebooks, since he always has some in advance. He gave me a stupid bright pink one that sparkles and light up in the dark...But oh whatever, at least like that, nobody will know it’s mine, and will open it.

         Now, what is the point of this exactly. Laying it out is suppose to help so, here goes nothing : in this logbook, I am planing to “write down my feelings” so I can understand. I’ve never felt that way before. Love is very new to me, people actually caring about me is very new, having a sort of freedom is new, being happy is new. I’ve come a long way in two years, and I still find it difficult to put words on all the things I feel. Hence, this book. 

          More precisely though, I will record in this “logbook” (not to confuse with a journal or something), my journey as a new big brother. I think it will help me, to write things down. The idea doesn’t sound as stupid as when I first heard it two years ago. On the contrary, I already feel like my brain is getting more organized about my feelings, just by writing this down. Like now, I understand that what I felt as I held Thomas for the first time was love. And a need to protect him. But it was so instant, as soon as I truly saw him, that it made me wonder...Why ? And How ? Is this what it is to be a big brother ? A sudden instinct coming out of nowhere ?

          I will implement my studies of becoming the best big brother (notes for self : competition = hard, have to work very hard), and understanding what it actually means to be one, as it’s a first for me. 

          My life now is full of “firsts”. But in this logbook, I will mostly talk about being a big brother to Thomas, because that’s the newest and most intriguing thing yet. After two years, I think I know what love is, and what it isn’t. It isn’t praising me for being the best, but encouraging me to always do my best. It isn’t training me and being proud of me when I’m perfect, but accepting my flaws unconditionally. Yes. I think I got love down. It’s in little gestures, like when father goes to the other side of town to get my favorite take away. It is in small (and sometimes big) affectionate things like calling me pet names, ruffling my hair, or making sure I am alright. Love englobes a lot of things (my feelings for Thomas being in it). It took me a while to understand it, and I think if I had a logbook to write my findings down, it would’ve been easier. 

          So here I am. Starting a new journey of discovery. But with the knowledge I already have. How my brothers and sister are with me. How my parents are with me. How my friends, are with me. What love truly is. I’m not starting this new canvas blank, but with already a large array of color. What I need now, is to make this painting my own.

*There is here a drawing of himself standing at the front of a large pirate boat, ready to start this “new journey of discovery”, with the annotation “I think Grayson would enjoy this analogy of being captain of my own boat, as in of my own destiny. He always enjoyed pirates”*

         A plan : 1. Get books on babies.                        2. Hanging out with Thomas.                       3. Observing how the others are interacting with him.                       4. There is no 4 yet. But there will be as I come along, I suppose.”

************

It all happened so fast. 

Bruce and the kids were about to go on patrol, when you started to scream at him that it was time. In a panic, you rushed to the hospital, leaving behind your children who anxiously waited for some news. 

Hours went by, and no news were given. 

Everyone slowly started to freak out, but Damian was the one who was touched the most. 

When Jason dared to tell him : “Hey buddy, no news mean good news, right ?” in an attempt to comfort him, Damian went on a rant about how this expression was idiotic and made no sense. 

No news meant a lot of things ! Like, maybe their father RECKLESS driving got them into an accident, or maybe there was complications with the babies, or they ran in any kind of troubles that prevented them to give news ! 

No news meant “no news” ! And was in no way, in Damian’s eyes, a positive thing ! 

It’s as Damian was going on and on about what could’ve gone wrong that could explain the lack of news, and starting to freak everyone out, that the phone finally rang. 

“Ah, see ? No news did mean good news.” 

Jason said ruffling his little brother’s hair. Although his apparent confidence was only a facade, because Damian’s list of “what could’ve gone wrong” really got to him too (he’d never admit it but Jason was quite the worry wart). 

But everything was fine now. He could joke, and tease his brother again. Because...

It was official, there was a new member in the family. 

Thomas Clark Wayne was born, on a sunny July day. 

************

Damian didn’t know how to feel. Or rather, didn’t know what he felt.

He knew that day was going to happen, he saw his mother’s belly grow. He touched it, and couldn’t help but share his parents happiness...but it all seemed so surreal at the time ?

Like the baby would come in a very long time ?

He wasn’t an idiot. Plus, he was already 12 now. He most definitely knew where babies came from (ew) and how they came to life (double ew). 

But even with this knowledge, he just hadn’t been able to visualize having a baby brother ? 

So when he found himself in the hospital corridors, following after his older siblings, running a little to keep up with their hurried pace, he wasn’t really sure what to feel.

What would he find in that room ?

Probably his mom and father, smiling at him, and holding a baby in their arms...

It was weird. Because Damian had always been the “baby” of the family. Was this spot now his brother’s ? How did that make him feel ?  What was his place now, then ?

He didn’t know. He didn’t know !

Did he still have a place ? How was he suppose to know what it was ? 

So many thoughts were rushing through his head, he didn’t have time to process any of them that they already were in the room. 

The first thing Damian saw wasn’t the newborn, as his brothers gathered quickly around his mom and father while he stayed a bit behind with Cass (who rolled her eyes a lot, whispering : “boys” every two seconds). 

No. The first thing Damian saw was his father. His smiling father. 

Given the looks his older brothers gave in his direction, Damian gathered that Thomas was in their fathers’ arms. And Bruce was smiling so widely. 

It was pretty rare, to see him smile. It only happened when he was with his family. You made him smile a lot, even more so when you both thought nobody was looking at you. 

Damian thought that it was the first time he saw this specific smile of his father. 

Thomas’ existence had created a new awe induced smile... 

Bruce was looking down at his tiny son in his arms, and was just smiling widely and...sort of like a child ? 

Like even when he smiled to his wife, or to his kids. Those actual genuine smile he gave them, not the fake "Brucie Wayne" persona ones. They were always very him ? They always had his past in it. When he smiled at them, they could see they meant a lot, because he was able to smile even through all his pain. And they were the one that brought his happiness forth. 

Bruce’s smiles to his family were grateful, full of pure joy, and recognition. With a hint of sadness, however. Of traumas he could never forget. 

But here, as he held Thomas, it was like he forgot everything, and was carefree for the first time since he was eight. 

Of course, it only appeared like that to Damian because he wasn’t quite sure yet about how he should feel. Happy, or jealous ? He never noticed the many times his father gave him that exact pure child like happiness and awe too. 

Bruce wasn’t always the best at showing his feelings, a lot of time, he would smile softly, full of love, in the way he was right now, only when he was sure no one was looking. 

He most definitely smiled that way to all his children, they just never had the chance to witness it due to Bruce’s own self-consciousness, and not being sure  how to handle his own feelings at times.

In that way, Damian and his father were very much alike. You often said so. They sometimes had great trouble expressing themselves. 

Which could cause great misunderstanding, like right now. 

As Damian witnessed his father smile this way for the first time ever, and wondered...

Wondered if..If Talia gave him to Bruce as a baby, would he have smiled the same way ? 

…Probably not.

It made Damian feel all sort of things, to realize that. 

Strangely, the emotions he felt weren’t negative. On the contrary, he was glad that his little brother was lucky enough to be born into this family he thought amazing, and would grow up immediately loved and never alone. 

Sure, Damian wished it would’ve been the case for him too. But you told him once that the past was the past, and it did no good to dwell on it (he was pretty sure you misquoted Dumbledore from Harry Potter but never said anything), and it really stuck with him. 

He would never be a baby anymore, hurting himself and his feelings thinking about what could’ve been was useless. It would only bring him misery. While thinking...Thinking about his new brother having this chance...Well, it made him very happy. 

He was glad, times were changing. 

“Do you want to hold him ?” 

You asked him, taking him out of his reveries about how he realized he only had positive feelings about this new life coming into his. 

Good feelings yet, but not enough to dare hold him. Panicked, he took a few steps back and said : 

“No ! No no, I’m good !” 

You tried to hide your disappointment, and instead gave the boy to your oldest son, Dick. You kinda wished Damian would’ve accepted to take Thomas into his arms. After all, his reaction was the one that worried you the most... 

************

It’s only as he witnessed all his sibling holding their new brother, and beaming brightly at him, that he felt like he wanted to do that too. 

He felt like he was missing out, because they all seemed to thoroughly enjoy holding Thomas ! And he felt like he was building unnecessary boundaries between him and his new baby brother. 

What if Thomas thought he didn’t want to be his brother ? 

Of course, right now, being only a few hours old, Thomas couldn’t think about that yet. But Damian read somewhere that infants could feel this sort of things. And so he turned to Tim, who was the one holding the baby boy at the moment, and said : 

“Can I-...Can I ?” 

Of course, Tim understood, and did not hesitate to put his little brother in his other little brother’s arms. He explained quickly to Damian how to hold him, making sure Thomas’ head was all good, and let go (later, he’d admit that he watched YouTube video to know the proper way to hold a baby). 

And the rest was history. 

“I’m-I’m a big brother.” 

************

“Friday, October 16th 20??,  Thomas : 4 months old. 

       I found books about babies. Many of them. 36 to be exact. They were in the library, I suspect father bought them to read up on how to take care of a baby. After all, he never had one, since we all arrived around 8/10. 

       I put in practice what I got from them, and was very successful doing so. Thanks to them, I was able to refine my studies on what it truly means to be a big brother. 

(...)” 

“Damian ?” 

Bruce was looking for you, and guessed you were in your office, which, just like the bedroom you shared with him, was right next to the nursery. Of course. 

He knew you must’ve been there at this time of the day because it was your “writing time”, but also Thomas’ “nap time”. In your office, you could make sure to be there for him quickly. 

Bruce had just come home and as usual, looked for you immediately. He had a tough day at Wayne Enterprise, and you always were his respite. 

But as he walked in front of Thomas’ room (where he was planning on going after seeing you), he was stopped in his track by the door being open, and quite an odd vision. 

Damian was standing next to his brother’s crib, an arm reaching out in it. As Bruce, intrigued, approached them, he noticed that one of Thomas’ tiny hand was wrapped around one of Damian’s finger. 

Before he could ask what was happening, his boy whispered, as to not wake his little brother up : 

“I read somewhere that babies need physical contact so their brain can develop well. A baby that nobody ever touches just doesn’t speak much, and isn’t as advanced as one who received affection. So I’m holding his hand.” 

Bruce’s brain went blank, as he looked at the extremely cute scene of his youngest son sleeping peacefully, holding his older brother’s hand. It was too much for his heart, trying to not sound choked up, he asked : 

“How long have you been here ?” 

Damian looked up, thinking, before he answered : 

“A couple of hours ?” 

“A couple of-That long ?!” 

“Ssssshhh. Father !” 

Damian whispered scolding his dad for his loudness. He gave a worried look to Thomas, afraid he woke up, and then turned to his father again saying : 

“I heard him cry, and recognized it as being his lonely cry. So I came. Mother fell asleep on her desk, I think she was just too tired to even realize he was crying. I know neither of you have been sleeping very well lately, so no one can blame her. You two work tough jobs, then do the vigilante thing, and have to take care of a baby who doesn’t sleep through the night yet. It’s understandable, to feel very sleepy. So I came.” 

Bruce felt it through his entire body. This warm, fuzzy feeling. The same one that he forgot for so many years, until you and Dick came into his life. 

“How did you hear him ?” 

“I rigged his baby phone to my phone, so it would give me alerts if he cries. Tim helped me develop a sort of app for that.” 

This specific feeling he only felt when looking at you or his children. A sort of serenity filling his entire body. Peace.

“I rocked him a little bit. He smiled at me a lot, and cooed too. And then he felt back asleep, but as soon as I put him in the crib he cried again. I figured he didn’t wanna be alone, so I stayed and held his hand, and he eventually fell back asleep. Now I’m too afraid to wake him up if I leave, so I’m here.” 

“So you’re here...” 

Pride was in Bruce’s heart now. A beaming, strong, huge pride. Pride of having such a sweet little boy. Ah. Who would’ve thought, over two years ago, that Damian Wayne would stay two hours near a baby in fear that if he left, he would wake him up ? 

Feeling inspired, Bruce bend down and kissed Damian’s forehead affectionately. This took the boy by surprised, and he literally gasped ! 

It made Bruce feel a little guilty. His sometimes odd way of loving made it so that he reserved those forehead kisses only when his kids felt bad, or when he through they were asleep (though they never were). Moments of distress; or moment he was sure they wouldn’t notice. 

Sometimes, Bruce just wasn’t too sure how to react with his children. Except on definite moments, like them needing him, or them being too cute for him to resist a forehead kiss (they were always adorable, sleeping). 

Or, in this instance, his boy doing something so sweet he felt the urge to kiss him with all the love and affection he had. 

Now though, a little embarrassed, he took a step back, and ruffled his son’s hair again, saying : 

“You’re a good brother.” 

And then he left awkwardly, going to your office so he could pick you up and go take a nap with you in your room. Yes. This surge of emotion he felt, as he saw his two youngest children together, definitely called for a nap in your arms. You always had a knack, to calm him, even unconsciously... 

Damian stayed in Thomas’ room, a huge smile plastered on his face. 

His father just said he was a good brother !

“(...) Continuation of the previous entry (October 16th).      I put in practice what I got from them, and was very successful doing so. Thanks to them, I was able to refine my studies on what it truly means to be a big brother.

      Now, after four months of studying Thomas’ behavior and such, I came to realize that he has different kind of cry. They are as proceeded :  1. High pitch continuous noise = he’s hungry.  2. When he makes a series of loud “heh” = he’s too cold, or hot, or wet. It’s his sign to express a discomfort. Usually means dirty diaper, if no dirty diaper, means something else and then you have to look for what is bothering him. Example : Yesterday, the bird outside his window chirping was annoying him and keeping him from sleeping soundly. 3. Loud screams punctuated by pauses = He’s lonely. The pauses are him listening in to see if someone is coming to get him.  4. Almost silent cries, when it’s so loud it becomes quiet = he didn’t burp properly after eating and desperately need too. A few light tap on his back will make him feel better very quickly.  5. When he whimpers, it’s usually because he has gaz. Putting him a little straighter helps him...evacuate.

        I put this directly in practice today, when I realized he was doing his “lonely cry”. I went to his rescue, and I didn’t mind staying hours with him even though he’s still a little baby and doesn’t do much. He smiled at me a lot, I think he recognized my voice. And my singing (note for self : make sure no one is around when such occurrence happen, almost got caught by father today). Then it felt like he didn’t want to let me go, so I stayed. 

      Is that what it is, to be a big brother ? Being needed ? If it is, it actually feels nice. It would certainly explain all the time Dick, Jason, Tim and Cass came to my own rescue. Wether help for my homework or to comfort me. But, I do that too, as a little brother ? I comforted them too many times. And I witnessed Jason, Tim or Cass comforting Dick and vice versa and in all ways. So, this means it’s a sibling thing, not quite a big brother thing. Need to keep studying to know what “big brother” is exactly.” 

************

"Saturday, December 9th 20??. Thomas’ first Christmas/6 month old.

     I started to build his gift. I think he will like it. I-” 

“What are you doing, Damian ?” 

You asked him, walking towards him as he busied himself at the gadget station in the Batcave. You saw him jump in the air slightly, and put away a bright pink notebook quickly. 

And then he saw you had Thomas in your arms, and when Damian saw him, he hid whatever he was doing as fast as he could. 

“Mom, you’re gonna spoil the surprise !! Get Thomas away !” 

Surprised, and without thinking about it, you went to your husband who was typing away on the computer and put the baby in his arms. 

Bruce was about to grumble that he was busy and brush the both of you away (he could be a jerk sometimes), but you didn’t gave him a chance, shoving your son in his arms. And when he looked, annoyed, at his baby and how the little one seemed the happiest of them all as he just recognized his father. Bruce’s mood lifted all of a sudden. 

He smiled softly, realized he was being an asshole and was going to apologize to you but you were already gone back to Damian. Your husband and baby son exchanged a curious look, before Thomas got very interested in his father “Bat” logo and started to try to grab it, while Bruce smiled softly again and, holding his son in one arm, continued his work. 

Balancing family and night activities had been hard for him to get and do, but he had it covered, nowadays. Well. Almost. 

Meanwhile, you were back next to Damian, and with a sigh of relief, your son uncovered his project. 

It did all kind of things to your heart... 

“Damian, is that-” 

You couldn’t finish your sentence, too touched. Your son, proudly, said : 

“It’s a mobile to go above his bed ! I think he doesn’t like the one he currently has. So I’m making him one with things he’ll like ! See mom, that’s you. Do you recognize yourself ?”

Damian seemed worried about this, and you nodded. It definitely looked like you. So. Your son wasn’t just good at drawing, but also at sculpting... 

“It’s for Christmas.” 

He said, smile wide. And as you grabbed him and crushed him against your chest, he got a little confused... 

"Saturday, December 25th 20??. Thomas’ first Christmas/6 month old.

*There’s here a drawing of Thomas beaming at his mobile above his bed that Damian build for him*

       I knew my present would be Thomas’ favorite. After all, it represents everything he likes. I put everyone from our family (Father, mom, Alfred, Dick, Tim, Cass, Jason, and of course, me), and a few of his favorite animals (I used Ace and Titus for the dogs, Tommy is very fond of them). And it makes music, which he seems to enjoy a lot. Especially when our mom, dad or anyone from the family sings to him. I recorded all of them secretly when they sang to him, and made it so he just has to push a button on the side of his crib to turn the mobile on.

       I wasn’t even worried that he wouldn’t understand how to make it work. He’s only six months old, but he’s already very smart and curious (I think the physical contact  we all gave him is a lot to “blame” for). So when I put the mobile above his bed, and pushed the button to start the voice of our mother, he moved his little arms and legs excitedly and smiled at the mobile widely ! I only had to push the button a few times more, and for our father, Dick, and Jason’s voice to be on for him to notice the button, and to push it himself. Or rather, to kick it or throw himself on it as best he could. He is still not that coordinate when it comes to movements. But he’s smart. He understood that, to have the music, he had to push the button.

         He didn’t pay attention to all his other gifts, but mine he loved. It’s because I made it with everything he likes. So of course, he loves it. Is that what it is, to be a big brother ? To know your little sibling and be the best at giving him a gift ? No. That doesn’t sound right. Tim, or Jason, already gave me absolutely useless terrible gift, and yet it still made me happy to receive them, and that they thought about me. Mmm. The researches are still on.”

************

“Thursday, March 7th 20??. Thomas : One year and a half.

      Father and mom entrusted me with babysitting Thomas today, as everyone was busy. I was very happy to be trusted with such responsibilities. I thought it would be easy, at that age, they're easily manipulated. Well...I was wrong"

************

“NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOO.” 

Thomas was screaming, while Damian was trying to be heard : 

“Thomas, listen, you need to put your pants on or-”

“NOOOOO !! NO DAMDAM NOOOOO !!”

“No”, was one of the first word Thomas pronounced. Right after “mama” and “dada” (the jury was still out on which words he said first, and was source of endless bickering between you and your husband). 

Then he started to try and pronounce his siblings’ name, although he wasn’t quite there yet. Damian being the youngest and still at home (Dick and Jason had their own apartment by now, and Cass and Tim were starting to be very busy with college), he was able to sort of say his name first. 

“Damdam”. Close enough. 

But right now, Damdam really wasn’t having a good time. 

It started rather smoothly. Thomas was a pretty calm child, so Damian (wrongly) thought it would be all good all day.

Only, it was the first time he was taking care of his brothers for so long. A couple of hours there and there. He made sure to be with him at least once a day, for at least two hours. Most of the time, it was more. 

They really started to be very close, sometimes, Thomas would choose Damian over you or Bruce...it vexed the both of you, but you had to put yourself in the shoes of your young son. 

Damian only had the good times with him. Playtime, and bed time stories, and such. While you and Bruce had to be strict with him sometimes, and give him boundaries (like no jumping on his bed, or no pulling the dogs’ tails). 

Bruce once mentioned that Thomas most certainly inherited your petty side, given the fact he always went to Damian when you scolded him. But when you smacked him on the head, vexed, he said he was joking (although we all know he wasn’t). 

In any way, Damian, in that year and a half, only had the good times with his brother. And today, as he had to take care of him all day long, he realized that...it wasn’t always that easy. 

Proof : the morning had gone well, but now, it was over, and it was time to put some close on. Problem : Thomas didn’t seem very keen on putting pants, today. 

It started slowly, as if it was a game. 

Thomas ran around the room, laughing, repeating : “no ‘an’ !” (which probably meant “no pants”). Up until Damian tried to take his father’s strict tone and said : 

“Ok Thomas, enough now, you need to put your pants on.” 

Well. That didn’t play well in Thomas’ book. Frowning, he said : 

“No.” 

“Yes, Tommy. It’s day time, you need to put pants on.” 

“No.” 

“Yes. Come on, I’ll help you.” 

“NO !” 

Thomas ran away from Damian’s grasp, and your son was so surprised that he wasn’t able to catch him right away. He caught up to him though as Thomas was climbing a couch, sure that he’d be out of reach at its top (probably not understanding that Damian wasn’t as small as him...). 

Once on the top of it, he sad down and put his hands in front of his eyes, clearly thinking he was hidden, now. 

“I can see you Thomas.”

“No.” 

“Stop saying no, I can see you.” 

“No.” 

“Come on Thomas, I’m not playing anymore, I can see you, and you need to put some pants on.” 

“Noooooooooooooooo.” 

“Tho-” 

“NooOOooOOoOOoOOoOoo noooooooo.” 

“Thoma-”

“NoooOOoOOoo no no no no no no no !!!!” 

Damian realized trying to talk it out wouldn’t work. His brother was probably too young to be reasoned with. Quickly,he scratched his head to find a solution. 

Maybe making him laugh again ? Like Dick did with him at first. 

It felt like such a long time ago, but there was a time when Damian was a really big brat. He still was, sometimes, he wasn’t perfect of course. But he improved a lot. 

Regardless, one of the way Dick would make him stop being bratty, was making absolutely awful jokes and trying to make him laugh by doing stupid things. Ok. Here we go then : 

“Hey hey Thomas look, look !” 

“No no no no...No ?” 

Ok. Good point. Thomas was now watching Damian doing backflips and running around. Beaming, the little boy smiled widely and clapped his hands. 

YES ! Damian most definitely won. He stopped doing his acrobatics and turned to his little brother, saying : 

“Ok, time for pants now.” 

But Thomas frowned again, as if vexed he fell for the show, and gave Damian a definitive : 

“No.” 

Well. That was a fail. What did Jason do again, to stop one of Damian’s own tantrum ? Oh. Right. Um. That probably wouldn’t be a good method with such a young kid. Skipping that one. 

Tim ? Tim would talk to him about his favorite things. Video games, or whatever. And blackmailing him a lot (as a good big brother). Damian wasn’t too into blackmailing, but he was kinda running out of ideas. 

This was the first time Thomas was being difficult with him, it was too new, he needed more data to know exactly how to react ! 

So, blackmail it would be. 

“If you put your pants on, we’ll watch your favorite movie !” 

This seemed to peak Thomas’ interest. He looked at the Tv, then at his pants. Then at the TV again and...oh...Ooooh...Damn it ! Damian could see he almost got him. But it didn’t work, his brother shook his head “no” so strongly he almost fell of the couch. 

Ok. What were the options left ? What did Cass do ? Mmm. She would hug him and tell him things would be alright. Which worked for him, given his past, but Thomas was a little over one and had a normal happy childhood so far ! 

They couldn’t relate to their past, like Cass and him did. 

Ok. What would his mom do ? Well, with his mom, Damian had the intimate feeling that Thomas would’ve put on his pants without a word. He knew she wasn’t joking around. He’d never pull this sort of things with her. 

He would though, pull that with his father. And what would Bruce do ? Either let it go, or, if he was in a bad mood, be very strict and force him to put his pants on. Nobody said his father was perfect...His mother, neither. She could be implacable in her way of educating her son. 

Thomas was a calm boy, and was of course allowed to have tantrums. Their mother was mostly understanding. But if she was tired, she’d be less patient...It wasn’t always easy, raising kids. And the gods knew the Waynes had a LOT on their plates, at times.

MMm. Damian didn’t want to force him to do anything, or to lose his patience. 

And then it hit him. The solution was right in front of his eyes. Of course. It was so simple ! 

"(...) Continuation of last entry (March 7th) 

         New observation after today’s babysitting : toddlers sometimes focus on one thing so much they don't know how to react, and therefor, explodes with feelings 

        I found that my siblings tricks to calm me down would not work on Thomas, because he isn’t me. We don’t have the same personality, or background. I never even noticed before, how Dick, for example, used different methods to comfort all of us. Adaptability is key. Like how father gives us all different trainings, according to our own needs. Little brothers are the same. When mad, they need to be calmed in different ways. Thomas is such a calm kid and has so few tantrum, I feel comfortable doing what I did. 

       Which brings me to my next point. Being an older brother sometimes mean being the bigger person. Giving up, and letting them do what they want. I never realized how many things Tim, Dick, Jason or Cass gave up for me. But it now becomes very apparent to me. They switched things around in their lives to be convenient for me. Like, Tim used to love playing video games on his own, yet he let me come and play with him even as he doesn’t like multiplayer modes. Jason is afraid of snakes yet took me to Gotham terrarium where there’s one of the largest concentration of snakes in the US when I asked him. Dick gave up on ever taking many hoodies I stole from him back. Etc etc. 

         Being a big brother means being the bigger person sometimes, and letting the small one have their ways. Dick, Jason, Cass and Tim did it all the time with me, and it’s my turn to do it with Thomas. Unlike our parents, I don’t need to be the “police officer” of the house. I can have only the good times, and when appropriate, just let go. 

       Today was the first tantrum I witnessed Thomas having, and I decided to let it go. After than, it went all smooth. And honestly, he’s just a bit over one. It’s ok, if he doesn’t wear pants...” 

************

Their parents found them both asleep in front of Thomas’ favorite movie. 

They were still both in their pyjamas. 

“No pants” day became a thing, for the two brothers. 

**********

“Wednesday, April 19th 20??. Thomas : 3 years old.

        Today, I learned a new lesson. I kind of already knew it before, by observing Dick, Jason, Tim and Cass. But it only became obvious to me today :  A big brother is here to help his little sibling walk his own path. And discover the world.” 

Damian was looking at his baby brother toughtfully. Mmm. Seemed like the kid liked animals too. Maybe they could bond further over this ?

Your boy remembered that that's how his own siblings handled him. They found common ground on which they could understand each others.

With Dick, Damian learned how to perfect his flips and other acrobatics. They enjoyed the creativity and yet physical training of this “game”. 

With Jason, he used to spew all his frustration at him, and Jason would nod and say things like : “that’s right little bird, you tell ‘em !” and just agree with him on everything, even when he was wrong. They could particularly agree on how sometimes, Bruce could be a jerk...And yet wouldn’t wish for any other father. 

With Cass, they’d do artistic things. Drawing, or dancing. Sometimes sitting in silence for hours, back to back, while they painted. It was nice. Relaxing. 

With Tim...Well, Tim was a big advocate of this definition of sibling, that he made up himself : “The only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment, and beat up anyone else who tries.” So they’d bicker a lot, but then if anyone else was trying to rile Damian up, Tim would appear out of nowhere to give them a piece of his mind.

Yes. Yes. As Damian was observing little Thomas hug and smile at his stuffed animals, and thought that this could be quite the approach. 

After all, he really loved animals too.

"'Ook Damdam, ook ! SIMBA !"

Damian had become an expert in his brother's baby talk, and knew this meant : "Look Damian, Look ! A lion"

"No Thomas, not a Simba, a lion. Not all lions are called Simba, just like in the film."

Patience was key. Damian was pretty sure he already told Thomas that exact same thing a hundred time, but for some reasons, the boy stayed stuck on his Disney knowledge. 

But today, something different happened. Things clicked in the boy’s head.

Thomas looked at his stuffed animal for a while, and then asked : 

"…Nala ? Girl ?"

"…Wether it's a boy or a girl, their names aren't simba or nala, they're lions. And lionness. Simba and Nala are characters in a movie."

The boy looked at his  brother, confused, then looked back at his plushy lion and asked, to make sure :

"…Not Simba ?"

"Lion."

"…'ion ?"

"Yes."

"That, not Nemo ?"

OH ! They were making progress ! So far, Thomas didn’t really listen to Damian when he tried to teach him animal names, and just gave them names of Disney characters ! 

Now, he was pointing at his stuffed clown fish, asking wether he was a “Nemo” or not ! PROGRESS ! 

Damian smiled internally. Thinking it was cute, you and Bruce never did much to correct your son, which Damian found frustrating. But here they were, him finally gaining grounds !

“Right, not Nemo. Clown fish.” 

“On fish.”

“Clown. CL-OWN”.

“O-N.” 

“K-K. LL. AON. Repeat after me Thomas, Clown.” 

“...Cl...cl...clnown ?” 

“Clown.” 

“CLOWN !” 

“YES !”

“CLOWN FISH !” 

Thomas said proudly, showing his plushy. And Damian felt a rush of pride.Yes. That was it. Clown fish. He learned a new thing. And...And he probably wouldn’t have learned it yet if it wasn’t for him ? 

Oh. So a big brother also kinda had the role of a teacher. Interesting. 

And as Thomas ran to his father and screamed “CLOWN FISH” at him, Damian couldn’t help but being proud of him. Even though their father was clearly confused, as the little boy now was running to Alfred to show him he knew what a clown fish was, and didn't give further explanations to Bruce. 

“Clown fish ?”

The big scary bat repeated, utterly confused. By a three years old. What was it again ? Best detective in the world ?

************

“GWAYSON !” 

“No Thomas, no, I’m Dick, not Grayson !” 

“...Dick ?” 

“Yes ! Damian, stop teaching him that my name is Grayson ! Ugh. I swear, he hangs out wayyyyy too much with you. I need to spend more time here...” 

Damian grinned slyly, and Dick rolled his eyes. Thomas was growing up fast, and it made sense that he sometimes seemed closer to Damian, whom he saw the most. 

Dick and Jason had their own place, and both Cass and Tim were busy with college. Damian was still in high school, and a lot home. 

Although they weren’t seeing each others as much as he wished, the youngest Wayne and the oldest one still were extremely close. 

In fact, Thomas was very close to all his siblings. They almost were all like second (or third, or fourth) father, and mother. They were so much older than him, of course they’d have this sort of status at time. 

Their parents would take a lot care of him, and he was also very much a “daddy’s and momma’s boy” (like all his siblings really, though they’d never admit it). 

But Thomas did spend a lot of time with Damian, and wether it was on purpose or not, he took a lot after his mannerism and such...just like Damian used to copy his older sibling mannerism, and so on and so forth. 

“Gwayson” though, he could avoid. 

Dick rolled his eyes again, and smirked at Damian, before returning to play with Thomas. 

************

“Thursday, July 23rd 20??, Thomas : 4 years old. 

       Today, father and mom told me I was to take a night off and not to go on patrol. And that was a very big inconvenience. I had things planned, to prove my valor. I was about to sneak out anyway when (...)” 

Damian, his costume on, made sure his parents were busy before starting to come in action. 

First, he had to wait for his father to go on patrol, and join his other siblings out. And for his mom to get in front of the Batcomputer to monitor everything. 

Then, he had to wait for Alfred to put Thomas to bed, and to go himself sleep, the baby phone near him, just in case, even though Thomas was already 4 now and had full nights. The butler would never just leave him like that, even if his room wasn’t too far. 

Finally, he'd just have to sneak out by...

“DAMDAM !” 

Damian jumped in the air, surprised, and turned around. 

His little brother was right there, in front of him, smiling widely. 

“Thomas ? How did you get here ?” 

“I jumped out of bed, and walked.” 

Thomas said the most natural way ever, as if it was obvious how he got there, while it was almost 1 am and was supposed to be in bed. 

“It’s way past your bed time buddy.” 

“I can’t sleep. Mama and daddy awe not hewe. Cassie and Tim either. Alfwed is sleeping !” 

“Well you should be sleeping too !”

“But I can’t ! I just told you !” 

There was a short silence between the two, and...Oh. Oh he dared. 

Thomas was giving his older brother his world famous “puppy eyes” (a method he directly stole from Damian, of course). And as usual, it worked. 

Damian took his mask off, sighed and said : 

“You want a bed time story ?”

“YES !” 

And without invitation, the boy jumped on his brother’s bed, slipped under the covers, and waited patiently for Damian to go fetch the book they were currently reading. 

“(...) Continuing last entry, (July 23rd)

       And then Thomas fell asleep in my lap, and I realized something. I guess it was good, to have a night off. If I went out, I would’ve never made this important discovery : Tonight, I have learned that to be with the ones I love is enough. And that I do not need to chase after anything else to be happy. 

     It’s a discovery I thought I made long ago, but as I felt more big brother than ever after reading him a story, it truly hit me. Being me, and being with them...It’s enough. I don’t need to have more. And maybe, maybe being a big brother means to simply be there when you feel lonely ? Like Thomas, tonight, as our parents were away, and none of our other siblings were there. Like me too, when I had nightmares and went to hide in Cass, Dick, Jason, or Tim’s bed...whoever was available when mom and dad weren’t. 

       Mom and dad. They do their best. And their best makes them the best parents anyone could wish for. But they have a lot to do, wether in the day or at night. So sometimes, it comes to me. Or to my older siblings, to take care of each others. To take care of Thomas. We have to be there for each others, always. Being a big brother means taking the time to be there. Simple.”

************

“Look Damian, it’s a freakin’ elephant !!”

“Um, what did you say ?”

“It’s a freakin’ elephant !!”

Damian looked around at the disapproving looks he got, and couldn’t care less. Of course, he wasn’t particularly thrilled about his little brother using “freaking” but oh well. It was to be expected, when everyone around him used it (and in some cased *cough* Jason and you *cough* used even worst). 

But as Damian came towards his little brother, he realized something. Something that made him burst out laughing. 

Thomas was starting to read on his own now. 

It was exciting, to witness Thomas’ progress as he slowly but surely learned how to read. And it felt so nice, to participate in said progress. To be there every steps of the way. 

Damian shared the pride Thomas felt whenever he showed his parents how well he’d gotten at reading.

And it was so nice, to see his mom and dad congratulates both of them…Thom because he really started to read well, and Damian for helping him out.

Far were the frustrating days when Thomas was a stubborn toddler that refused to call animals by their “actual names”. 

Damian spend many hours trying to explain to his younger brother that no, mice weren’t called “Mickey” and elephants “Dumbo” ! 

Nowadays, the little boy knew what the animals’ name actually were. Which didn’t mean no incident ever happened…Like today.

It was Thomas’ sixth birthday and he asked to go to the zoo (Damian definitely had an impact on that boy).

“Look Damdam, it’s a freakin’ elephant !!”

The boy said excitedly, pulling his brother’s sleeve and pointing at the elephant’s massive enclosure. Damian shook his head, slightly shocked. 

Not because his brother just called him “Damdam” (it was the nickname Thomas gave him long ago, when he couldn’t pronounce things quite right, and it just stuck), but because Thomas’ words were very much unlike him. 

Their parents were a bit further, being disgustingly cute together, holding hands and all, and trusting Damian to keep an eye on Thomas (they knew he’d never let that kid out of his sight, plus Damian was almost an adult, now, he was responsible…sometimes).

“What did you say, Thomas ?”

“It’s a freakin’ elephant !”

The boy seemed so proud of himself. Damian knew elephants were some of his brother’s favorite animal, but he just couldn’t get over the fact that his precious little brother just used the word “freaking”, even if it really wasn’t a bad one. 

That’s when Damian noticed it. The plaque giving informations about which kind of elephant it was. …His laughter resonated in the entire zoo. Both you and Bruce went to see what happened, and were face by a son shaking with laughter, and another little one that seemed very confused. When you asked what happened, Damian barely manage to say, pointing at the enclosure next to you :

“It’s a freakin’ elephant !”

And there, there came the laughter. 

Yes. Yes it was an “freakin’ elephant”…Or, for those who weren’t as new at reading as Thomas was, an “African elephant. 

Damian later shared what just happened with his older siblings, and they in turn gave him many occurrences of him being naive or such sometimes. 

Like that time Jason made him believe that the hays in fields covered with white plastics were marshmallows’ fields...But instead of being vexed, Damian laughed with them. 

Because that was what being a little sibling meant. And being the older one meant to see the evolution the small one went through, witness it all, and help out. Be there. 

Finally. Finally Damian felt like he truly understood, what it was to be a big brother ? 

**********

“Saturday, July 12th 20??, Thomas : 6 years old. 

          It took me six years, but I think I know now. After countless study and experiment. After spending hours and hours with Thomas. I think I know what it means to be a big brother. 

         First I had to understand what being a sibling meant. And that was easy. I had good model. Dick, Jason, Tim, Cass. They’re the best older siblings you can wish for (after me, of course). They helped me understand so much...Thanks to them, I finally got what it was, to be a sibling. And here it is : 

        Being siblings means our bond is stronger than any outside force, and we always have someone to lean on. It means late night pillow talks, awkward phone conversations, and insane laughter. It means calling each others over for no reason other than to sit in silence or talk for hours about nothing. One minute I'll be talking to one of my brother about Harry Potter, and the next I'll be talking to my sister about the newest music we're listening to. 

        But being an older brother...Being an older brother goes beyond just that. When you’re the youngest, sure you’re there for them, and you help out. But most of the time, you’re the one being helped, and having the most support. While still having fun ? 

        Being an older brother, it's keeping that balance between letting out my inner child (which I didn’t even know I had for the longest time, and was let out thanks to my older siblings at first) but still looking out for my little brother.

       Basically, it means having a free therapist and the greatest confidante you could ask for. I went to my older brothers and sister many times, in time of need. And Thomas comes to me often, too. When it’s things we can’t tell our parents, you know ? 

        Being an older brother means being there for your little one through thick and thin. There were many times I had to stand up for Thomas even when it was difficult, whether it was to our parents or someone else. And there were even more times when Dick, Jason, Tim or Cass stood up for me. 

        But it also means being a little strict at times. I came to realize that when Dick told me to do something, or Tim, or any of them...It came more from the fact they wanted me to not get into trouble than anything else, and that...That I realized with Thomas. Sometimes, you have to tell your little sibling what to do. But some other times, it’s totally ok to let go. 

        Being a big brother means loving and supporting your little sibling no matter who or what they choose to be or do. That’s what my brothers and sister showed me, and my parents too. And that’s what I discovered with my own little brother. So what if we didn’t have all the same interest ?

        Being a big brother means celebrating individuality and being proud of the fact that your little brother/sister is a part of your family. I’m glad we’re all different, with my siblings. And I’ll never make Thomas feel bad for that. It’s good, that he’s the calmest out of all of us, and had a different kind of life.

        Maybe being an older brother means that occasionally, I take advantage of the fact I can tell Thomas what to do (and how easily he listens to me), but...I am his biggest fan. If he falls, I will always pick him back up (right after finishing laughing, like Jason would say). 

        Yes. It took me six years, but I think I finally know what being a big brother means. I’m glad, because this is the last page of this logbook. 

        One day, I think I’ll give it to you, Thomas. Just in case. If you’re going through a tough time, or you’re not sure of who you really are. To remind yourself I went through the same thing. 

        To remind yourself I had to write, for six years, certain important interactions I had with you so I would understand a simple concept such as “being a big brother”.

        And that Dick did too. It wasn’t easy for him to go from a circus life with his parents to Wayne Manor with mom and dad, who were both rather young at the time, and inexperienced. 

         Jason came from the street, rejected by everyone. Do you think it was easy for him to acclimate to a life where he could finally be at peace ? Nope. And then, when he died and came back ? Ask him, and you’ll know. 

         Cass came a long way. Now, she speaks a lot, especially to you. But she used to be “mute”. And had a hard life. You should ask her, sometimes. 

         Tim struggled with being ignored all his life, and then he came in and suddenly had siblings, and “real” parents. Then I came along and fucked things up a bit (don’t swear)...but he came through, understanding what a big brother was supposed to be. 

         We all came through. Mainly because we had each others. So please Thomas, if you ever feel down, just come to me. Or to them. To us. We’re your older siblings, and that what it means. 

          I’m here for you. We’re here for you. Forever.”

The end 

__________________________________________________

So, y’all know I was very nervous about posting this. I hope it wasn’t a total fail and you enjoyed reading it ? Thank you for reading, and as usual, if you liked it and all, comments and reblogs are always more than welcomed :). Here we go. See you next time with another story. Now, I’m going to go hide in a whole out of fear that you guys will hate this and how different it might be from other stories (as it’s mainly Damian/Thomas centric). 

For those who do not know who Thomas is and are curious, here are the stories from my main Batmom timeline in which he appears : The Great Mall adventure, Master of Diaper, Shaky steps and bad teaching, Polichinelle, “Go away, you’re confusing my baby”, How do you make babies ?, Wild Child 2, “We want them back” and After Batmom’s death

CLICK HERE FOR ALTERNATE ENDING 

[delusionland]

I think modern superman is defined by his ability to be nice to people who would hate him if they knew his truth. Being able to slip under the radar and look human is important to him. It allows him access to a world that hates him just for existing and existing on Earth.

Clark doesn't want to be One Of The Good Aliens. Clark wants to be your work friend/drinking buddy you don't know is Marginalized in some way, who playfully calls you out on your shit in a way that might go over your head. He wants to steer you in the right direction---morally, ethically, socially----but he wants to do that by laying a good example, with the hard work he does being a journalist and exposing lies and injustices and ignorance. Clark knows the best way to convince someone other people have rights is not to be their One Marginalized Friend, but instead to be their Non-Marginalized Friend who listens to them vent about their false persecution complex and doesn't outright attack them for it---but instead states their own boundaries but provides the information and kindness they need to get out of that state of delusion.

Clark keeps his true self close to his chest. Very few people know his secret identity. Superman is a tool Clark can use to help people---but so is HAVING a secret identity.

Clark knows he is under no obligation to reform all the ignorance in the people around him. But he also can't imagine not being there for every person that crosses his path. Clark will always listen to you, and Clark will always try to tease something better out of you, challenging you just enough to make you stand a little straighter and question the fallacies in your logic and prejudice. But its a lonely thing, sometimes. Trying to be better than your instinct to write people off for your own sake, trying to help people who would never give YOU the time of day. There are exceptions, of course. Clark fucking hates rich people, for example, and will fuck them up if they do something unethical---as Superman. But so often people just... tell Clark things he doesn't always want to know, and Clark feels obligated to listen and try to change because... that's the kind of person he is, who can't stand to see someone suffer their own foolishness when he can see its just from a place of insecurity and paranoia.

Lois and Bruce are sometimes the only people Clark feels really know and understand every part of him. Even before he comes out to them as both identities. Its a very... particular thing. He allows himself to be completely an asshole with them. He allows himself to vent to them and debate with them like he's writing an article, instead of being so ginger and Featherlight with his touch.

Clark has a big heart but he's extremely opinionated. People he feels he can honestly express his opinions with without pouring attention into how he phrases every word are extremely important to him. Even if its just---people who allow him to express human emotions like ANGER and annoyance. Clark doesn't often let himself be angry. For many reasons... this is why Lex is still an extremely valuable person to Clark even after all they've been through. Lex allows superman AND Clark to express anger in a way Clark feels is righteous and true, which is important to him...

Clark isn't isolated from society bc hes an alien with alien feelings who could never hope to be human or something. Clark is isolated bc he is so human he doesn't want to hurt anybody without a reason to, he doesn't want to force anybody to accept him, doesn't want to be a poster boy, wants to help people but not have to share the insecurity he feels over feeling so alone and removed from his heritage.... its extremely lonely, "passing" and still feeling different, still knowing what people would say about u if they knew... in many ways his relationships with lois Bruce and lex are freeing for this reason bc they'll say it to his Goddamn face that he's a flying alien brick lmao.

Clark is a good person but sometimes, even in all his snark and condescension, he's TOO kind, too nice, tries too hard to help and risks his own feelings, gets hurt in the process. His heart is so vulnerable, and he tries to protect it with secret identities and self-isolation... but he can't help himself.

If you call out for a friend, if your heart beats too fast or too slow, Clark can't help but hear it. He wants you to understand. People are people, we are all the same infinite prism of complexity and doubt and fear and love, refracted light patterns in an infinite amount of directions and thoughts chosen and not. Clark can hear your heart, Clark can see you for exactly who you are... but he feels he can never tell you who he really is or you'll reject him in a way he refuses to reject most anyone. It's sad

[alixanonymous]

How A Demon Commissions An Angel ~ A Daminette FanFic ~ Chapter 10: A Discussion Of Demons

From the phone of Bruce Wayne:

Chat Name: Barbra Gordon

Barbra Gordon: Hey B, do you have a minute? There’s something you should see.

Me: Is this related to what we talked about earlier?

Barbra Gordon: Yes.

Me: I’ll be there soon.

Batcave - Gotham City, New Jersey

12:30 A.M., Nov. 11th

Bruce Wayne was well aware that taking his children out each night to fight crime in the deadliest city in America automatically disqualified him from ever winning a Father Of The Year award. However, as he looked around the meeting table at his sons, he wondered if there was ever any chance for him at all.

Dick Grayson, the first Robin and his first failure as a parent that had somehow turned out well anyway, was smiling around the table at his family like there was nowhere he’d rather be despite the fact that he’d had to make the commute from Blüdhaven on his night off while his ever increasing caseload was waiting for him back at the crappy apartment he called home.

Tim Drake was the son who others outside the family often considered to be his greatest pride, the one who he’d given so much responsibility to at such a young age. He was drinking coffee out of a thermos, larger than any seen before, working on a tablet Bruce couldn't remember the last time he’d put down, and occasionally glancing around the table as if wondering what would be so important to call a meeting on that he didn’t already know about. 

Oh and his greatest failure as a father? Just walked in.

Jason Todd, the son he’d lost due to his own pride that had returned nothing like the child he was when he’d died, came up to the table swinging a gun around one finger that Bruce had since realized was never loaded like that, as if Jason’s self preservation just barely overrode his need for people to know he was not the boy they once knew. How long had it taken Bruce to figure that one out? Too long, too late.

As he’s not one for awkward silence, Jason calls out “What’d the demon do this time?” as soon he reached the others.

Which brings us to the most recent chapter of “Bruce Wayne’s adventures in being a horrible parent.” Best get started then.

“After the incident the other day,” Bruce gives Jason a look and gets a smirk in return, “I asked Barbra to look into Damian’s communications with the French girl.” 

“Wait!” Jason cuts in, “You lecture me for going through his phone and then ask Carrot Top to read his messages? Gee, hypocrite much?”

“I’m sure Barbra would’ve monitored the situation regardless,” Jason scoffs at this and now it’s Dick who’s giving him a look. Bruce continues, “I only wanted her to notify me if she found anything concerning.”

He stands up to pass out the papers he’d brought with him. Normally, he’d just bring the files up on the BatComputer but Bruce Wayne is nothing if not addicted to self-punishment and he likes physical evidence of his shortcomings as a human being.

“These are excerpts from their messages over the last week or so.”

Since he’s already memorized everything in those packets and has every word imprinted in his mind, all that’s left to do is watch his sons read history repeating itself.

Tim, unsurprisingly, is the faster reader and as he goes through the papers, he has a look of confusion on his face that only intensifies as he goes on. Once he finishes, he takes a swig from his thermos like there’s alcohol in there instead of caffeine although with how he makes it, Bruce thinks it’d be equally strong either way. He then flips back to the start and begins to read it over again.

Dick’s smile is long gone by the end of the first page. As he reads on, the only way to describe his expression is heartbreak. His eyes become shiny and when Bruce sees this he can’t help but think it’s a miracle that the person who has been in this longer than everyone except him and Alfred can still manage to wear their heart on their sleeve in spite of the life they lead. His smile becomes a frown near the end.

Jason as always is the hardest for him to read. At some point early on, he stops spinning his gun around, placing it on the table as he hunches over to read closer to the papers. There’s a look of concentration on his face that Bruce hasn’t seen in a while along with something else. There’s an ache in his chest when he realizes that he doesn’t know this Jason well enough to know if it’s anger or pain. Once he’s done, he looks away from the table and stares off into space. Again, Bruce is unable to tell whether he’s just lost in thought or actively avoiding looking at them, him. 

Dick is the first to break the silence, “That’s it! I’m moving back in.” 

Bruce can’t decide if he’s relieved by the offer or angry at himself because he’s such a bad parent he needs his eldest son to raise his youngest.

Since this isn’t Dick’s first time making this particular statement, he expects Tim to shut him down like he normally does. When he turns to look at Tim however, Bruce finds him rereading the part he can easily identify as when Damian is explaining how he doesn’t hate Tim. He almost didn’t include it in the packets he distributed as he was sure Damian would not want them to find that out this way but something had compelled him to leave it in.

“So,” Jason starts and Bruce braces himself, “What’s the plan?”

They all turn to look at him expectantly.

“I brought you all here to get your opinions on what to do,” Bruce explains, trying to proceed with caution as he’s definitely the one responsible for this problem.

Jason lets out a bitter laugh, “No, of course you don’t have a plan already. Any one we come up with will probably involve you talking to your own kid and none of us would be here if you knew how to do that.” 

“Jason!” Dick reprimands, sounding a little exhausted. It somewhat works and Jason goes back to ignoring them in favor of his thoughts. The damage is down however and Bruce will add that moment to the others he uses to remind himself of his mistakes.

“Where is Alfred? What does he have to say about all of this?” Dick asks and Jason’s attention shifts back to the table.

Bruce was not at all looking forward to dealing with the disappointment from the closest thing he has to a father figure, especially given how many times he had been encouraged by Alfred to talk to Damian, only to push it back time and time again.

He answers, “He’s making sure Damian stays asleep and away from the cave. I’ll fill him in on everything later.”

Stephanie and Cass were patrolling Gotham tonight, covering for Bruce and Tim who’s turn it had been when the meeting was called. Barbra was across the room, directing them as usual from the BatComputer. She would catch them up upon their return.

There’s silence once again only to be broken when Tim finally joins the discussion.

“Did Damian tell you why he broke that girl’s hand?” Tim asks Dick, the most likely of them to be confided in.

Once more, Dick looks heartbroken as he shakes his head.

“Please, did you even give him a chance to?” Jason asks while looking straight at Bruce as if he already knew the answer to that, and he did.

While his youngest son had been suffering from a lack of education about boundaries, Bruce has been busy doing damage control, never once asking what had provoked Damian. It seemed being the World’s Worst Father trumped the title of World’s Greatest Detective.

Dick too already knew the answer to that so he didn’t wait for a reply before continuing the conversation. “How did we never notice how his idea of boundaries was so warped?”

“It’s right here,” Tim answers, pointing at one of the papers. “Damian usually scared everyone off before they got too close so it never came up before. We were too focused on pushing him to make friends to notice the problem was more than just antisocialness.”

If Bruce wasn’t certain this was all his fault, he might take a moment to curse Talia once more for just how much his ex-lover had screwed up Damian’s ability to live a normal life.

“Somebody’s going to have to explain that to him. He can’t keep going on thinking we expect him to allow people to touch him without his permission,” Dick says, looking towards Bruce and not noticing Jason and Tim raising their eyebrows at that behind him. At least two of his sons seem to know him well enough to doubt the possibility of that conversation going successfully.

“Yeah, but like how do we explain the nuance to him? I mean, yeah that girl messed up but also most people would just brush her off. That’s what we would do. He can’t attack every person who reaches out for a handshake and think it all counts as self defense,” Tim adds. Dick and Bruce both look thoughtful at this.

Jason looks frustrated with them as he states, “You’re treating him like he’s a kid. I think even the demon spawn can tell the difference between a handshake and someone getting too handsy. You guys acting like he’s always seconds away from going into full assassin mode is part of the problem. Jeez, ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?”

Bruce looks at his other two sons and finds Dick looking sheepish and Tim looking down at the table. He just sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose before deciding that of all his children, Jason might actually be the most qualified to tell him how he failed as a parent.

“What would you have me do then?”, he asks and for a moment Jason looks like he can’t decide whether or not the question is sincere. 

“Well, I’d maybe start by not calling secret midnight meetings to talk about him behind his back,” he starts in a casual tone that is most definitely sarcastic, “Or no, actually let’s start by not going through his messages because you know at some point you’re going to have to sit down and talk to him about all this stuff and I doubt fessing up that you’ve invaded his privacy, compromised his safe space, and shared his deepest insecurities with almost the entire family will win you any brownie points.”

The other three people seated at the table freeze and take a moment to let that implication sink in. Bruce thinks he sees even Barbra wince across the room out of the corner of his eye. 

Jason’s not finished yet. He continues, “You know exactly what you have to do, you knew before you called us and before you even read those messages. Yet for some reason you still keep approaching this as Batman when really the kid just needs his dad to talk to him sometimes like he’s more than just another problem for you to solve.”

That was the biggest difference Bruce could see in him. This Jason didn’t hesitate to go for the kill. While subtlety was more Bruce’s style, no one could deny it was brutally effective.

Avoiding the obvious barb, he tried to focus on the advice. Talk? He could do that. Although…  Dick could probably do that better so maybe they should have him do it. He opens his mouth to suggest this but someone else is already speaking.

Dick’s saying, “Okay, I agree with that but it doesn’t look like B’s the only problem here. Little D seems to be feeling left out.”

Mistaking Dick’s meaning, Bruce recalls his reasons for keeping Damian away from Wayne Enterprise and wonders if perhaps he had been too quick in his decision making. There was no harm in letting Damian learn about the company.

Well as long as there was someone equipped to guide him.

“I’ll arrange an internship for him with Lucius Fox, or actually why not have him shadow you for a while, Tim? That might give you two a chance to see eye to eye on some things,” Bruce proposes. 

Tim looks uncomfortable at this but lucky for him someone is already jumping to shoot down this idea.

“Oh hell no!” This is Jason of course. “When are you going to finally see this whole ‘I’ll just let other people handle my son’ thing ain’t working out? Did you even read these before making copies for everyone and their mother? Damian clearly still isn’t over you giving away his ‘birthright’ to the replacement,” Jason says, making finger quotes at birthright. “Making him shadow Tim would be like rubbing it in his face.”

“Yeah, second that. That should be something you introduce him to, like you did with Timmy,” Dick agrees, smiling encouragingly before going on to say, “Although that’s not what I was getting at. I meant that he feels left out in the family, not just with the company. I just knew he needed more brother bonding time!” 

Both Tim and Jason grimace but it’s too late. No one can stop Dick Grayson when it comes to his family and so the last half of the meeting is just Dick mapping out his whole plan of ways to incorporate Damian more into the family including movie nights and a new group chat that’s  not BatBusiness related. 

Tim looks like he’s taking notes and pulls out his phone a couple times to cross check all their schedules because of course he has everyone’s on hand. Jason for the most part looks like he’s not paying attention at all only to then interrupt and shoot down an idea with very valid reasoning to back him up. Bruce just listens and follows their lead, only to be reminded every few minutes that he’ll also have to work on spending time with Damian on his own. He’s coming up with his own plan in his head that may or may not utilize some of their ideas as well.

They’re wrapping things up when Tim suddenly has a question. “What about the French girl? Should we be worried about her selling this to the tabloids?” he asks, holding up the messages.

Jason snorts and mutters something about bat paranoia although he is the only one to have personally talked to the girl and Bruce wonders if he would still share that sentiment if that weren’t the case. They all knew the lack of respect the media showed to their wish for privacy.

“No, she doesn’t seem to be cause for concern,” Bruce assures the other two, leaving out the fact that Ms. Dupain-Cheng didn’t even know his son’s last name. He knew that would only lead to more questions from them and since he’s already ruined so much, he refuses to also spoil the surprise Damian had in store for them for Christmas. He already made sure to have Barbra prevent the others, namely Tim, from accessing the rest of the messages as Bruce is positive he was planning to.

Sure enough, Tim gives him that look that directly translates to “Nevermind, I’ll look into it later”. Bruce doesn’t acknowledge it or encourage him.

Jason doesn’t seem satisfied with his response and launches his defense of the girl. “Yeah, no. None of you are allowed to mess with Spitfire. She seems like the only person the demon spawn’s got on his side that actually respects his boundaries. So don’t screw this up,” he finishes before getting up and leaving the cave, but not without a pointed look to Bruce. Tim follows after him, thermos and tablet in hand now alongside the packet of papers.

Bruce expects Dick to make his exit too so he doesn’t wait to do what he’s wanted to since this disaster of a meeting began which is bury his head in his hands and sigh. He’s surprised but doesn’t startle at the hand that lands on his shoulder. 

“It’s not your fault,” Dick starts and Bruce just gives him a look. 

“Yeah, okay so it’s kind of your fault,” he huffs out a small laugh before continuing, “But it’s not something he can’t come back from and it’s not an excuse for you to go into your ‘I’m a bad parent and my children are better off without me’ mode.” He’s the one getting the look now, the one that says “You know I’m right”.

And Bruce does know that yet he still feels the need to argue, “I-” is all he gets out before he’s cut off again, which may be good since he really didn’t know what he was going to say.

“Stop. Just stop, B. That kind of thinking is what got us to this point in the first place. Okay? Now the rest of us we get it now but Damian, he’s too young to figure out that you’re not rejecting him so much as trying to save him from yourself, for some stupid reason that I’m sure you think makes sense in your head. And yeah, I know you still feel guilty for how he spent his childhood, you know with the League and all but Bruce, at some point you’re just gonna have to get over yourself and realize he’s here now. He’s safe. He’s got us now and we’re going to fix this, alright?” Dick says, pleading and Bruce guesses he’s not the only one needing this pep talk at the moment.

So he says the only thing he can say to that which is, “Okay.”

Dick gives him a small smile and a pat on the shoulder before also making his leave, but not without saying goodbye to Barbra of course. 

After he’s gone, Bruce feels a wave of exhaustion wash over him and decides to do what he so rarely does and leave whatever work he has left to go over for the morning. The talk with Alfred can wait till then too he figures.

He makes his way out of the cave and up to the manor. While the lights are on upstairs, there’s no sign of Alfred and no need to track him down at the moment so Bruce heads straight for his bedroom before stopping along the way in front of a door that’s not his own. 

It’s been awhile since he’s done this and he’ll probably dwell on why that is later but he quietly opens the door and checks on his son, taking care not to wake him. For some reason unknown to them all, Damian almost never turns out his light when he sleeps so the picture Bruce gets is a clear one. His youngest is curled up on his side around his Great Dane, Titus while Alfred the Cat is sleeping at the foot of the bed. Bruce wonders if it’s also a coincidence that he’s angled toward the phone resting on his nightstand. 

He used to do these late night check ins more often when Damian first came home. It took him a while to fully believe he’d had a child for so long that he hadn’t known existed so he’d check in every night as if afraid the boy would disappear. Even now, he’s still surprised by how young and untroubled Damian looks in his sleep. Not wanting to disturb the peaceful picture, he gently closes the door and heads to bed.

Wayne Manor - Gotham City, New Jersey

6:30 A.M., Nov. 11th

The first thing Damian always does when he wakes is take in his surroundings. This had first become the case in the early days after he had come to live with his father, back when he would wake up forgetting he had left the League. It was why he refused to turn off his lights at night if he didn’t have to, despite being raised in the shadows and continuing to work in them to this day. It was now a subtle reminder to himself that he had escaped the past and a little act of rebellion against his upbringing.

Alfred the Cat was still sleeping at the foot of the bed but Titus was nowhere to be seen which meant Pennyworth had probably let him out already. He gives himself a few minutes to get his bearings before checking his phone. The only notification is for a sappy “Good morning! Have a good day at school!” text from Grayson which makes Damian wonder if he has what he’s heard other people refer to as “empty nest syndrome”, whatever that means. He also sees the texts he exchanged with Marinette the day before and in the privacy of his room, smiles while remembering parts of their conversations. 

Twenty minutes later he heads down to breakfast, dressed in his school uniform with his phone in hand on a singular mission to get a picture of Drake’s coffee for the girl he… didn’t want to disappoint. 

It’s here! Yay! I feel like this took forever and a day but I’m happy with it finally! AO3 comments might’ve also restored my confidence in my writing so if you left one thank you! :) Now I’m off to relax and reread comments over and over again (while giggling stupidly) since this stubborn and stressful chapter is finally done! Till next time! <3

Master List

[angerissue]

Character Survey.

Real name: Dr. Robert Bruce Banner, Ph.D..

Single or taken: Single, and this probably isn't going to change anytime soon. He has a number of ingrained emotional issues, and ideological issues that pertain to his condition, that prevent him from seeking romantic relationships and even just becoming close to someone. One-night stands are possible, because they don’t involve emotional commitment from either party, but real relationships scare the hell out of him. The closer that someone gets to Bruce, the more he fears hurting them or being hurt himself.

Abilities or powers: He has an extremely high IQ, almost unprecedented intuition when it comes to the sciences and its numerous technologies, and a great ability to think outside the box and solve complicated, confounding problems. Also, he can turn big and green, which makes him capable of inhuman physical feats and gives him a ridiculous healing factor. This cannot be understated; he can literally recover from decapitation if the conditions are right. It's debatable whether these qualify as gifts or curses, because of the experiences they've created for Bruce in the past, but they're definitely abilities at the least.

Eye colour: Brown. Sometimes green if he’s in a mood.

Hair colour: Dark brown with some grey.

Family members: Rebecca Banner (mother / deceased), Brian Banner (father / incarcerated), Jennifer Walters (cousin / alive), Susan Drake (adoptive aunt / unknown), Elaine Banner (aunt / deceased).

Pets: In The Persistence, he owns a white knockout mouse named Eddie, who came from a selection of ailing lab mice that he experimented on with the Hulk's plasma. He doesn’t have pets in other verses, though he wouldn’t mind a cat, or a dog with a calm and mellow demeanour, as long as his living situation and overall routine is constant and undisturbed. Otherwise, it will never be a possibility. Back when General Ross' squad broke down his door in Brazil, he needed to abandon a mutt named Rick, and it hurt because he’d become very fond of him. He doesn't want to do this to another animal.

Hobbies or activities: He loves hiking and jogging (with trails in forested areas being his preferred location), cooking and baking, gardening, reading textbooks and science journalism, bait fishing, programming and experimenting, travelling, sightseeing, meditation, yoga, collecting and listening to vinyl records, and being a rebel by listening to police scanners and going after bad guys if he doesn't have much else to do. But even if it seems like he's not outwardly doing anything, he's probably still occupied — he tends to spend a profuse amount of time in his own head, ruminating and reflecting on future goals, whether it involves anticipating or dreading them. He also likes to contemplate new concepts and designs for technologies.

Animal that represents them: Definitely a pangolin, because you can’t look at a pangolin and the way it carries itself and not think of Banner from a purely visual perspective. Add on the fact that their bodies are covered in hardened scales for defense, and how they curl up into a ball whenever they're upset and threatened, and you have a metaphorical version of Bruce, who tends to shy away and retreat into himself whenever he's having a lower moment, and has a lot of deep-seated defensive mechanisms on display during social interactions. But seriously, these animals just want to walk around eating ants, minding their own business. They don’t have a bone to pick with anyone... Which is also similar to Bruce. And did I mention that pangolins are endangered, because they're frequently hunted and trapped by humans for their supposed “beneficial properties” in medicine (none of which are proven)? That's similar to how Banner has been followed all over the place by the U.S. military, just because they perceived his condition to be useful somehow.

Worst habits: Take your pick. Distancing himself from other people even when he could use the company, self-flagellation, humouring his guilt complex even when he's not responsible for certain negative outcomes, repressing or suppressing his emotions when he needs to express them (or the opposite, staying as the Hulk so he can stew in those strong emotions and therefore punish himself for whatever he “did wrong”), running away from connections that involve real commitment, especially romantic ones.

Role models: Steve Rogers for his patriotism and overall sense of morality, Neils Bohr for his defense of the Bohr atomic model (which had been a radical theory for the time) and subsequent successes, Ernest Rutherford for similar reasons, and his mother when he was younger, though he doesn’t remember much about her because he was only six when she died. Same goes for his aunt, Susan; while he spent more time around her than Rebecca in total, he was rather emotionally absent by this point because of all the trauma earlier in his childhood. In general, his role models tend to be people who remain strong in the face of adversity and judgement, and stick to their values for the benefit of others. All the above people qualify in that sense, for different reasons.

Sexual orientation: Heterosexual.

Thoughts on marriage and kids: Nope, and bigger nope. He would love to have a close connection with someone, however much he's actually repressed the desire for the time being, and some part of him does want to have a child — however, he always concludes that it wouldn't be worth it. Bruce believes marriage would be a shackle for anyone who's unfortunate enough to become his partner, and it would open them up to potential threats from people who could use them to get to him and his condition. And children are a no-go because Bruce doesn’t want them to have a father like him; he might be absent for a lot of their upbringing, and either unstable or otherwise unaccommodating in temperament if he’s upset. And he'll constantly be trying to hide his condition from them as well, because god forbid they find out their father is a monster, and they feel like a freak because of it. He's been in a position where he felt like an anomaly as a child, and he's not interested in subjecting his children to this. He also loathes the idea of bringing children into the world because he would not be able to ensure their safety — after all, he can’t even ensure his own. So to Bruce, he'd be setting them up for endangerment just because they’re related to him, similar to how his partner would become a target as well.

Style preferences: Safe and conservative, and not flamboyant by any means. He usually sticks to warmer and neutral palettes, and cuts/styles that are classic and unlikely to fall out of style; this includes his suits, jackets, pants, and shirts. We're talking chinos and slacks, poplin dress shirts, wool sport coats and blazers. Most occasions will see him wearing the dress shirt, slacks, and sport coat together. If he's feeling more adventurous, he'll pair a sport coat with a crewneck, or he could even go with a polo shirt and jeans, but the latter is rare. In general, Bruce's most interesting piece is a brown leather bomber jacket, which he usually wears in the warmer months; colder weather will bring out a peacoat (and he loves to pop the collar in lieu of using a scarf). As far as cost goes, Bruce is fairly well-off between the royalties from S.H.I.E.L.D. and other work he's done here and there, but even so, he doesn't purchase outrageously expensive clothing and tends to go for the mid-upper brands. He'll do made-to-measure, but not full bespoke. He finds any further spending to be superfluous.

Approach to friendships: Cautious and uncertain about them, and tends not to approach people first, because he would hate to overstep his boundaries / make someone uncomfortable. Rather accommodating to people he considers friends, but he's extremely quick to duck out if they can’t meet him eye-to-eye regarding touchy topics, like decisions that affect the well-being of many people. This is the reason he shunned his friendship with Tony after they debated about the Sokovia Accords. Being an introvert, he’s one of those people who doesn't like bothering his friends; even if they make it abundantly clear that he's welcome anytime, he'll hesitate, but he’s completely okay and even happy if those friends approach him instead. He doesn't always like when his personal space is invaded, or if someone touches him, but he'll start to make exceptions if he becomes more familiar with someone. He loves the people that he can consider friends, but he always views the friendships as something that could dissolve in a heartbeat. On some level, even unconscious, he's always expecting things to end.

Thoughts on pie: An acceptable desert. Bumbleberry, strawberry rhubarb, and pumpkin are his favourites. He prefers the homemade variety, and because of it, he tends to make his own, butter crust and all, avoiding store-bought unless it’s particularly memorable — or if someone buys a slice for him. He’s appreciative like that.

Favourite place to spend time: Somewhere he can guarantee that he's not being watched; these are most commonly his labs in the Northwind Observatory, quiet and secluded trails, or his chambers in the Crown City citadel on Sakaar. Not only do these locations ease his anxieties about being studied, inspected, or followed, but he feels less of a pressure to put on false pretenses and exhaust himself with social niceties, many of which may be fabricated. He doesn’t need much external stimulation, because he’s fine simply turning inward and thinking, without paying much attention to his surroundings, but he’ll certainly admit to spending a ton of time tinkering with pet projects if he’s in the labs. Obviously, Bruce prefers to be alone in most of these cases. But if he's with someone he cares about, whether a friend or a romantic partner, and can openly express himself around them, that's nice for him too.

Swim in the lake or ocean: Lakes, without question. He has some bad memories of being in the ocean, whether it’s about the time he was tossing and turning in glacial waters after his failed suicide attempt, or clawing his way out of a quinjet that crashed into the water while his alter started to take over. Bruce remembers all that, and it's not pleasant. The openness of oceans perturb him as well; lakes are usually far more intimate and amniotic because they’re often surrounded by forests, which allows him to feel safer and less exposed.

Their type: Someone who is, and is comfortable with showing, some semblance of dependence on him, which would placate his need to fill a provider role and not simply be a charity case; he's had enough of that between begging on the streets and asking Tony Stark for boarding. (This doesn't mean he's looking for someone who's a total pushover, cannot make their own decisions, or is emotionally needy, because those would make him run in the other direction, frankly.) Someone who can hold their own and stand up for their beliefs when necessary. Someone who can challenge him intellectually, though not necessarily in an academic sense; it really just depends on how much they can expand his own perspective by giving their own. Someone who really understands his needs and issues. And obviously, someone who isn't scared of his condition, because it's going to manifest a lot. It needs to; he doesn't really have a choice in the matter. Hulk is another story, but fortunately, he doesn't show up enough to really be an immediate concern, and Bruce and his partner can cross that bridge when they reach it. Physically, he's usually attracted to women who are slightly shorter than him; their hair can be anything from blonde to brown, and he prefers body types that are similar to his own; more on the slender side but not necessarily fragile.

Camping or indoors: He’d rather be indoors. He isn’t extremely fond of camping, if we’re using the most common definition of "pitching a tent, cooking with a fire made from sticks and tinder, and spending the night in the woods with the bears and the bugs". There are indeed occasions where he cannot stand to be indoors, whether because he’s feeling claustrophobic (a common symptom of abstaining a little too long from transformations), or he simply needs some time away from other people in the geographic sense, but in those cases, he’s more likely to go for a walk or hike, not set up an entire campsite and spend the rest of the night outdoors. For him, camping is meant for a survival-type situation rather than a recreational one. The closest thing to camping he'll do is living in a cabin with a wood stove and local water supply, which he’s done a few times over the years. He's even purchased a few cabins by the time his Persistence verse rolls around, so if one of the properties are compromised, he could always retreat to another one.

Tagged by: @mynameisanakin​! Tagging: @fallencomrade​ , @asgardianhammer​​ , @alongingwithin​ , and anyone else who wants to do this.

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

asks (26)

@spickerzocker​ said:

hey there! just a heads up that i tried to click on the "why i don't ship" explanation link in your faq and it says that there is no post with that url/it's generally broken. also your "a conversation about recovery" thing is beautiful and hurts in the best way and i love it. have a nice day!

Yes, I intentionally took that link down awhile ago, and last night I went and updated some of the tabs on my blog. Here are my basic thoughts:

I wrote that link years and years ago, while I was first navigating the internet and while I was still figuring out important things about my own identity and opinions. I ran my blog differently back then, but by the end of the first few months, I knew I was uncomfortable with shipping. 

As people began to interact with me and my work, I told them over and over again no, I don’t want to talk about that, and I don’t want to write about it, and it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t think that was a common position to take at the time, so it wasn’t what people expected from me. 

During those years, I felt like I had to justify myself and give a valid explanation. I wrote that post explaining why I had that boundary, and I put it in a place where anyone could find it.

I said no when people asked, let them make jokes about it, and made jokes about it myself in response. As time went on I got more and more exasperated when I had to repeat myself. I wrote definite rules into my ask box, request tab, and FAQ. People still asked. I wrote it into my description. People still asked. 

The truth is yeah, there’s a pretty simple explanation for my discomfort. It makes sense. It’s easy to understand, and most folks think it’s a “good enough” reason to leave me alone. The difference between young-me and current-me is that I no longer feel the need to justify myself. 

None of y’all need to know why I set the boundaries that I set. My explanation isn’t relevant, and I’m not obligated to give it. I said no. That’s enough. 

I think a good number of folks remember my explanation from the past, and I don’t mind that at all. There may be a time where I talk about it again, in a more appropriate context, so I guess we’ll see.

That’s a lot of information in response to a very helpful ask. Thanks! The link is gone now, and I’m so pleased that you enjoyed the fic :)

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Anonymous said:

U suck

Kenza sent this anon as a joke. She’s right, and I thank her. 

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Anonymous said:

I'm a doctor and ive seen it all.....but the milk fic made me gag

Excellent

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@wingedskyes said:

Ah. Wait. I wasn't on anon....uhm. oh well. It's fine. I like milk and am not ashamed. 😆

I don’t think I received another message from you actually, but I too like milk and I’m glad we’re on the same page

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@thelittleredheadedmusician said:

To add to the milk discussions: my best friend from home and best friend from college have each finished a gallon a milk by themselves within 2 days.

I do that too, every once in awhile. When the milk craving hits it’s a gallon a day

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Anonymous said:

"TIM! POUR HIM. A GLASS OF M A L K!"

Hold on I have to google some things

Yeah this is funny

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Anonymous said:

I have read that milk fic three separate times and every time I’m laughing just as hard as Tim and dick by the end it’s just so excellently executed and builds so perfectly that by the time dick cracks I’m ready to go too and I just lose it it’s amazing I love it

Awww anon I’m so pleased :)

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@the-smartass-under-the-mountain said:

Just wanted to drop by and say your recent fic with Tim antagonizing Damian with increasingly outrageous milk concoctions had me giggling. It was so cute and refreshing to see Dick enjoying Tim's little prank. And Bruce's reaction to just... walk away was fantastic!

Thank you! I’m always so thrilled when y’all think the jokes hit

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@njtheboywonder​ said:

I havnt really enjoyed a fic in years, but i stopped to read ur fanfic with tim drinking milk just to fuck w dami amd it made me smile. Thanks, for writing it.

Oh that warms my heart <3

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@bruciewayneisbatman​ said:

Tim Is totally the guy who would drink ridiculous amounts of dalgona coffee to annoy damian, according to that fic.

Had to google that one, but I guess so huh

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Anonymous said:

(diff anon) but that birthday fic was so good oml and you have opened my eyes as to the batfam in quarantine this is such a Concept

We’re all here dying..... together...

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Anonymous said:

Happy birthday! 🎉 or belated! 🎂 thank you for being in the fandom. 😊

&

Anonymous said:

To anon! Sorry. I forgot to add that! Anyway, thanks to them we get a lovely fic. I hope you have many more birthdays! 😊

Message for you anon

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Anonymous said:

Your writing gives off good vibes

Hear that guys I “passed my vibe check.” Is that what the youth say these days? I am an elder now and I do not know

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Anonymous said:

finding your blog while being relatively new to batman fandom is such a bliss. your batfam content especially is *chef's kiss* amazing.

Thank you my darling :) I’m glad you’re here

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Anonymous said:

Best line in a fic? Hard to pick just one, but this particular one from "Just Desserts" by fyeahbatmanandrobin on Tumblr is one of my faves: “Anyone else would be hard-pressed to provide the particular brand of excitement you bring to my life, Dami.”

&

@noisypaintersong​ said:

For the line thing: "I don't doubt it. Bruce Wayne, the unexpectedly normal guy wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a superhero wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a fake socialite wrapped in a businessman wrapped in a secretive billionaire." He paused. "…You're the seven-layer burrito of Gotham," he pondered. - Barry to Bruce in 'Of Friends and Foes' by Paganpunk2 on FFN. It's one of the funniest things I've read someone say to Bruce LOL

& 

@kirakats​ submitted:

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Anonymous said:

“I do know that according to everyone else, there is no chance, no future, no universe where I stay a hero.” Describes my frustration with the way DC treats Damian so accurately. Let the kid be a hero dammit.

Thanks! That’s really helpful. I’ve got a decent answer to my question now. 

@kurawastaken​ submitted:

So this is Kenza retaliating against me for the milk fic. I very much hate tomatoes and specifically ketchup. This photo (1) is a nightmare and (2) fulfills its intended purpose.

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Anonymous said:

I love your blog!!!

And I love you 

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Anonymous said:

quick question: how do you think jason reconciles with the fam?? i think in the comics they kinda just reboot and now he’s on better terms. but like what conversations happened, yknow??? (you’re doin great work by the way, it rips out my heart but it’s great)

This is an amazing question, and I’ll be thinking about it for the next bit, I think. That would be a really interesting topic to explore in depth

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@angel-gidget​ said:

*hugs you real tight* would you please send this to the first 10 people in your dash? Make sure someone gets a hug today and stay safe!

Oh thank you for the hug <3

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Anonymous said:

I hadn’t been aware of that Memphis petition, but I live in Memphis too (Altho I know you said you just grew up there so you may not be living here currently haha) so ig I just wanted to say thanks for bringing it to my attention!

!!!

I’ve been in Texas for six years now, ever since I started school, but I’m still in and out of Memphis for family purposes. Love the trash heap of my birth 

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@damianwaynerocks​ said:

hey! any chance you know of any other dc heroes around damian’s age?

Sure! You could try Billy Batson, Jon Kent, or Maya Ducard

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Anonymous said:

hi! i don't know if it's okay to leave anons like these but ive been feeling down because my country has passed a bill that deprives us of lots of human rights freedom and i want you to know that i just found your blog through the damian/bruce + justice fic and it comforted me. im slowly going thru your works and so far they are all comforting. i love your stuff, thank you.

Philippines? I’ve heard some things, and I’m real sorry y’all’re going through that. I don’t know that there’s anything I could say about that to help, but I hope you’re finding joy somewhere

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@awesomeness-ofgaybitches​ said:

Tumblr hates you. The links in your bio and to your fic masterlist don't work on mobile. I'm sorry.

FUCK

[badacts]

What about jason and tim bonding?

ah. two idiots hanging out :)

Jason has a delightful collection of black-mold-infested safehouses that he keeps - or doesn’t keep - in some of the worst neighbourhoods in town, but he mostly doesn’t live in them full time. He keeps one more permanent place in Crime Alley, close to where he grew up, and then an apartment in the Upper East.

The doorman probably recognises Tim as he slopes through the lobby and takes the elevator up to the eighteenth floor. Tim pulls his hood a little lower over his eyebrows and hopes for the best.

His reflection in the mirror-lined elevator is a black-clad wraith in a jacket he stole off Bruce ages ago, comfortably oversized, and eyebags bigger than the backpack slung over his shoulder. He avoids meeting his own gaze. Too much like introspection, and he’s had enough of that in the last…lifetime. His whole life. 

On second thought, the doorman probably thought he was breaking in.

There’s six apartments on the eighteenth floor, and he knocks at the door of the one labelled ‘B’. There’s a long moment of silence where he considers his next move - leaving, or breaking in. Then the door swings open to reveal Jason in sweats, one hand held just out of view between the doorframe and his body. Probably a knife.

“Drake,” he says, and then pointedly doesn’t put whatever he’s holding down.

“You need a haircut,” Tim says.

Jason’s expression turns from blank to incredulous. “That coming from you?”

“This is a stylistic choice,” Tim says, brushing his fingers over his bangs. “That is a place where small mammals give birth.”

“Wow, okay, is that all you wanted? Because I’m guessing it’s not, and I gotta say that if you did want something else, this probably isn’t the way to go about getting it.”

“I don’t want anything from you,” Tim scoffs instinctively.

By all rights, Jason could slam the door in Tim’s face right then. Of course, he just swings it open further so Tim has a clear view of him putting down the knife with the six-inch blade he was holding on the table. Then he crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow, expectant. Maybe Tim would prefer the door-slamming. That would stop this interaction from continuing, at least.

There is a very long silence. Tim is pretty patient, but he’s not stubborn like Jason is, and he’s got a feeling Jason will make him stand out here all night until he says something.

“CanIstayheretonight,” Tim mutters, examining the middle distance over Jason’s shoulder.

Jason’s expression doesn’t twitch, but he gives off a veritable wave of smugness. “What was that, red?” 

Tim says, through his teeth, “Please.”

Jason’s mouth quirks. It looks like he’s just about to reply when his phone rings. He pulls it out of the pocket of his sweats and then flashes the screen at Tim. Apparently ‘dickhead’ is calling.

“Isn’t that a co-inky-dink,” Jason says, answering the phone and holding it between the two of them.

“Hey, Jaybird,” Dick says over the speakerphone. He sounds weary but warm. “Are you already out?”

“What’s it to you?” Jason asks, lounging against the door frame. 

“Just wondering if you’ve seen Tim tonight.”

Tim holds up a finger to his lips. And then shakes it furiously to make his point.

Jason grins, holding Tim’s gaze. “Who?”

“Who?” There’s a moment of genuine bemusement from the other end, and then a sigh. “He’s with you right now, isn’t he?”

“I have no idea who you’re talking about, Dickiebird,” Jason says cheerfully, and then hangs up on him.

“He’s going to come straight here,” Tim points out. If there’s anything Dick hates more than his siblings disappearing from his well-meaning and impossibly overbearing presence, it’s knowing he’s being lied to.

“Nah,” Jason says, finally stepping back and gesturing Tim inside the apartment. “The guy’s got some boundaries. When it comes to me, anyhow.”

“Lucky you,” Tim mutters, and then, louder, “Love what you haven’t at all done with the place.”

“I got furniture,” Jason replies, unbothered. “You hungry?”

“No thanks,” Tim says, dropping himself onto the couch, backpack and all. He groans when his collapsed staff jabs him in the kidney. Jason gives him a look and then disappears from the room.

“So, why’d you run away from home?” he calls from out of sight.

“We don’t have to talk,” Tim says, attempting to wriggle himself into a more comfortable position without actually taking his bag off. 

“Price of admission, baby bird,” Jason replies. “I don’t get many visitors in civvies. It’s either more interesting or way more boring, and whatever you say determines that.”

“I could put on the uniform, if that worked better.”

“Don’t bother. No way you’re patrolling tonight.”

Tim bristles. “You don’t give me orders.”

“It’s called an observation, idiot,” Jason says. “You’re wearing jeans. You don’t even want to go out. Also, I thought I was the one with anger issues here.”

“Nice to hear you acknowledging your issues,” Tim says sweetly and avoidantly. There are footsteps on the wood floor behind the couch - intentional, Jason may weigh more than two hundred pounds but he’s perfectly capable of moving silently - and then a plate lands on Tim’s stomach.

“Eat,” Jason says, shoving aside one of Tim’s legs so he can sit at the other end of the couch. “Come on. That’s premium peanut butter right there.”

Tim wasn’t hungry, but as soon as he takes his first mouthful of sandwich his stomach snarls. There’s a moment where he wonders if he’s going to throw up, but when he swallows it seems to settle. He says, “Tastes like Jif.”

“Duh,” Jason replies. “You wanna talk about it, or what?”

“No,” Tim growls, and then crams half the sandwich in his mouth at once. Through the bread he mumbles, “Dick is pissing me off.”

Jason nods contemplatively. “He does that. Most irritating guy I ever met.”

“You guys are tight though.” Dick gets on with everyone, that’s just fact. Jason likes four and a half people, and the half is probably Bruce, but Dick definitely counts as a whole person by himself. 

“I get on with you better than I do with him,” Jason corrects.

“You shot me,” Tim says.

Jason rolls his eyes. “You gonna hold that against me forever?”

“I’m just making a point!”

“I was crazy as hell, Timbo. You really need to let it go.”

“I have,” Tim says. “...Mostly.”

“You’n’me, we got off to a rough start,” Jason says, which is the understatement of the century and also a hell of a way to describe literal attempted murder. “Dick and I didn’t end our relationship so good. And then I died, which made it complicated. You’re not complicated, though.”

“You’re fucked up,” Tim tells him very frankly. “Can I have another sandwich?”

Jason seems unbothered by this assessment, and a little amused. “No ‘please’ this time?”

“Hit my quota for today when I told Damian to please shut the fuck up.” 

“And then you got the ‘being a good teammate and vigilante’ speech from Dick, right?”

“Worse,” Tim says, flopping an arm over his eyes dramatically. As he does it, the empty plate is lifted back on him. “He cornered me later and asked me if I’m okay, because it looks like I’m not sleeping again.”

There’s a snort from the direction of the kitchen. “And are you sleeping, Timothy?”

Tim wriggles down further so he’s lying flat, wriggling free of his backpack and dropping it over the side of the couch. “Jason. I am never sleeping.”

“Right,” Jason replies. A few moments later there’s the click of a plate being set down on the mismatched coffee table in front of the couch. “I’m going out. I’ll set the security before I leave.”

“Cool,” Tim mutters into the back of the couch. “Don’t get killed.”

“Eat your sandwich,” Jason advises, which is the last thing Tim registers before he’s asleep.

[malereader-inserts]

Sol Lucet Omnibus

Fandom: Avengers Pairing: Loki x Male!Reader Summary: The sun shines on all things Word Count: 1,410 Request: “yo do you maybe do Loki? Loki x male reader? :) anything Loki would really cheer up my day any day. thank you, even if you don't do it. (also you're the reason I'm gonna watch Gotham haha thanks xx)” Warning: Homophobia, Heavily implied abuse A/n: YES share my love for Gotham and my bbys! um, i feel a little embarrassed because i’m not sure if i correctly portrayed an abuse victim correctly - any tips and pointers would be helpful if I didn’t.

“This has got to be the stupidest fucking idea any of you assholes has come up with.”

You stood in the middle of the living room of the Avengers base compound as Sam and Bucky were grinning at you whilst Tony held up his thumbs up for you. Natasha shrugs her shoulders as Steve looked stressed to the max, whereas Thor was enjoying the situation whilst Loki looked very flustered.

“I don’t know about you, (Y/n),” there was a singsong tone to Clint's voice, “I say it’s a ten out of ten solid plan.”

“You want Loki to be my fake boyfriend to get rid of my homophobic parents?” You questioned, crossing your arms over your chest, “My parents would be better of seeing me dead than with another man.”

“Which is why you live with us and you’re protected by us,” Steve stressed out, running his hand through his hair.

After your team had found out about your parents, everyone had activated their protective mode. Discreetly moving you out of your family home, which instead of your family kicking you out had isolated you in your room where you only left if you were running errands for them and they will always be tracking your location which is why being a superhero was ten times harder when your parents were constantly making sure you haven’t run from your abusive home.

Since then, Tony had replaced your phone. Clint, Natasha and Wanda had taken you out for a shopping trip whilst Sam, Bucky and Steve burnt your old clothes - hoping that burning anything associated with your home was gone, nothing could touch you now. Anything else that could have harmed you in any form, mentally, physically or emotionally Thor and Loki took care of that. 

Your team had tried not to show that they were tiptoeing around the subject before the atmosphere was normal again. But, there were still moments when someone had said something out of line and caused you to be upset, which they tried to correct themselves as quickly as they could.

They hated the way you would stay quiet when they argued, Steve and Tony had to learn to discuss mattered rather shout it at each other. The team had to slowly build your trust, so that meant to playful fake punches towards you because it broke their heart when you flinched.

They were understanding.

Some more than others.

But, the team took it day by day. Soon enough, you were back to your playful little self that the team had met the first time, cracking jokes and whatnot. Of course, you weren’t ever going to ‘get over’ it over the night.

You had to darken days, some greyer than most, but the understood. They never pushed you out, always making sure you were at least keeping up with your meals and encouraging you to take a shower or change environment when the bad days stretched out to days to weeks.

Your team became your family, Bruce and Tony upgrading the security every other month. Within the first month of being free of your family’s hatred towards you, you had asked at least one member of the team to accompany you when you go out. At first, it was Rhodey, he was gentle and understanding, but he was a military man who wasn’t afraid to sucker punch a man in the jaw.

You soon asked Bucky if you wanted to go out the base and into New York, you two dorks would enjoy your time and not many approaches you or Bucky. Plus, the man can put an angry act if he wants to.

But, your favourite person you loved to ask out to New York city was Loki. You and he had the same feeling of being ridiculed, being pushed to the side. But, his heart will always be heavy for you because you don’t deserve hatred in your way, you don’t deserve the things you’ve been through. You deserve bunches of flowers, painted skies and a whole realm if he could give it to you.

You found comfort in his presence and you knew he wouldn’t hesitate to defend you. 

Which is why the team thought it was perfect to make Loki your fake boyfriend.

Other than the way you two had slowly grown fondness towards each other and that most people knows not to mess with the God of Mischief, but your past has caught up with you. After months of going into New York by yourself, you had run into your family. You came back home all quiet and refused to have your dinner.

Your family wanted you back, but you refused. When you had told the team, FRIDAY had scanned you down and found that they had tagged you in your whereabouts. Leading you and the team to believe that they were on their way to “collect” you.

“I’d say we just block the doorway,” Loki suggested, noticing how you shifted your uncomfortableness between your feet, “We are the Avengers after all.”

“Fine, but fake boyfriend is plan B.”

You looked at Loki and send him a thankful smile, you would rather coop yourself in your room than face a dinner with your team and your family. It also saves Loki from embarrassment in pretending to be your boyfriend.

You were sure you don’t deserve the love or affection people crave.

Loki was sure to change that thought about you because all he wants to do it treasure you, to worship you.

“Knock knock,” Loki drawls out as you look up from your reading in your room, you watched how Loki round up to your doorway.

He has a soft small smile on his precious face, his arms full of books as he comes invading your room - only after you had shown him enough comfort to allow him in your room. Sometimes, even though you trusted the Avengers you rather not have your personal bubble invaded.

He perches on your bed as you move so he could spill all the books onto your bed, you gave him a questioning look.

“The team has assigned me to stay with you until future notice.”

You frowned, “You know you can say my parents.”

“Cannot hurt to be careful.”

You sigh woefully, “I don’t like the pity.”

Loki looks at you, his knitted eyebrows coming undone, “I may be the least qualified person to offer any advice or solace but asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It takes a certain kind of strength to accept your shortcomings.”

You scoffed, as Loki pursed his lips and thought about his words.

“Perhaps that came off wrong-”

“No, you’re right, Loki, my weakness will always be part of me, it’s who I am.”

“(Y/n),” There was a sharp tone to his voice but there was a soft gaze when you looked at him, he shows no harm. You bit the inside of your cheek, shaking your head and heaving out a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry for being such a burden. Just forget what I said. I’m fine, I swear, I’m just overreacting. I’ll get past it.”

”Stop that. You have every right to be upset, alright? Stop apologizing for having feelings. I’m here for you.” Loki moves his hand to hold your hand before stopping, waiting for you to make the move - afraid he would push boundaries, “May I try again?

Your shoulders relax as you slowly nod, there was silence between you two as Loki thought carefully of his words. You wanted to smile at how thoughtful this God could be despite his wrongdoings, slowly you reached over and held the outstretched hand.

“You’re possibly the strongest, bravest man I have witnessed, and to bear such strength of a God truly blows me away,” Loki spoke as if he was wary of what he was stating, “You’ll be the bigger man because if you were born with the weakness to fall, then you were born with the strength to rise.”

“You think that?”

“I know that,” Loki hums, rubbing his thumb over your hand, “You’re home, (Y/n), you’re safe and I’ll be positive to make sure nothing will harm you again.”

“Promise?”

There was a sparkle in your eyes, Loki had ignited that spark of hope within you again. He offers you a reassuring smile and squeezing your hand as you pull through a smile in return.

“You have my word, (Y/N).”

[fertileimaginationvault]

I Want To Know You - Superbat (DCEU Series)

Even though they seemed to be on good terms, Bruce never knew how to act around Clark. He never knew what to do or what to say instead of the endless repertoire of apologies echoing inside his head. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you in time to stop that madness before it took your life. I’m sorry for trying to destroy you. It should have been me not you... I’m not worthy of your forgiveness. I will never be worthy enough of it... Words that kept Bruce at a safe distance even though he never said them aloud. Instead, he hid behind a mask of impassibbility. Determined to ignore Clark's presence unless interacting with him was extremely necessary.

Bruce tried (emphasis on tried) but God knows how hard it was to act as professionally as possible near Clark, since the latter was determined to break all the walls Bruce tried to build between them. Actually, Clark's presence had become more and more frequent over time. He started to stick around a little longer after missions and meetings in the Batcave, sometimes to discuss details of projects for the rebuilding of the League Headquarters with Bruce (although Bruce tried to make clear that it wasn’t necessary), sometimes just to chat with Tim and Stephanie, also with Alfred who always brought him hot cocoa and cookies and always seemed pleased with his presence. 

None of that was convenient to Bruce's plans to keep the members of his new team at arm's length. Including Clark (specially Clark).

But it’s not like his family cared about his plans, anyway.

Bruce was not stupid. He knew his children and Alfred had somehow adopted Clark. The kids had movie nights once a month and sleepovers at Clark’s living room. They were always posting on their social media about gatherings at Starbucks and lunches at Clark’s favorite diner nearby the Daily Planet (Clark had become the star of Tim’s snapchats, but always being careful not to reveal his secret identity). Bruce knew about every Saturday afternoon playing Pokemon Go with Tim at the Heroes Park in Metropolis and sometimes inside the vast area of the Wayne Estate. And Bruce also knew that Clark was so determined to be back in the world again that all he did was smile brightly and agree with everything the kids wanted.

Time passed, and it came to a point where getting home and seeing Clark spending time with one of them was no longer unusual, either playing video games with Tim on the gigantic tv at the living room of the Lake House (Seriously? I rebuilt the entire manor so you could enjoy it, and you decide to play video games right at my living room?) or laughing with Jason about something only they knew. Helping Stephanie with dessert recipes she had found on the Internet. Talking to Dick about... everything (something Bruce was never really good at).  At first, Bruce admits it was kind of annoying to see Clark constantly in his house, being pampered by his children and his butler. Being a part of his routine. Being a part of his life. Clark could move around The Lake House and The Manor like he belonged there and that was starting make Bruce crazy.

It's not like he was jealous of his own children or Alfred. Actually, there was a part of him that felt good because they had someone like Clark around. Someone who could give what he did not feel capable of giving to his own family anymore. Bruce knew Clark enjoyed having them around too. And how happy he looked every time the kids were surrounding him, eyes filled with adoration. Even Jason, who was always out of everyone’s reach (specially Bruce’s) liked Clark. In the end, Bruce was glad. Clark was a better company to all of them than he could ever be. But at the same time it hurt to admit that he missed the times when they used to look at him that way too. Specially Jason.

Jason who now listened to Clark’s advices when someone needed to talk sense back into his head (which was a hell of a miracle, Bruce should acknowledge that). Tim who Clark was always helping with his school essays - They were always engaged in debates about Clark’s articles and the current political state of the country (something Bruce always liked to listen to, but would never admit it, not even to himself) -. Stephanie who always turned to Clark when she was going through a teenage crisis. And Dick who has decided that Clark was already a member of the family and no one could convince him otherwise.

In all these years, Bruce had failed each of them, burying them in his own darkness that let him see nothing but The Mission. But not Clark. Clark was like the sun coming out in the sky after years of stormy nights over the heads of the Wayne Family, shining down on them and showing the way to a new start. And what amazed Bruce the most was the fact that Clark wasn’t even aware of that.

For that reason Bruce never felt very comfortable with Clark being so present all the time, not only as the co-leader of The Justice League but in his life as well. After all that happened between them, his first assumption was that Clark would only interact with him during League duty, only talking the necessary for the sake of the team. And Bruce was fine with that. Maybe, they’d work together on a case or two, helping to defeat a villain in each other cities. But nothing more. Nothing more than a professional and pacific coexistence. He wasn’t in a position to ask for more than that. He would never ask more than that.

Even if he wanted more...

However, instead of what Bruce prevented, Clark was there. Always there. Bruce just couldn’t figure out why. Why that walking ray of sunshine was always in his house, strolling through the tunnels between the Cave and the League Headquarters just to talk to him. Why was he smiling at him. Why was he cooking for him and his children. Why was he always helpful, always loving and patient with the brats Bruce raised. Bruce tried to make sense of it but he didn’t seem to be able to. Why Clark wasn’t sick and tired of all this invasion of privacy? And why Bruce himself was not?

Clark on the other hand knew something was wrong in Bruce’s demeanor (more than usual) and confronted him one night at the meeting room of the newly inaugurated League Headquarters. He looked Bruce in the eyes. His blue eyes like two aquamarines filled with forgiveness and understanding, asking for forgiveness too. That was the first real conversation they had after Steppenwolf attacking Earth. After everything that has happened the night Batman and Superman fought each other and Superman died.

Bruce wasn’t used to that. Everything in his life had a purpose, a reason. Everything was extremely calculated. And at that moment with Clark staring at him with pleading eyes nothing seemed to make sense. Why was Clark doing this? Why would he want to be his friend?

“I just can’t understand you... Why don’t you hate me? Why don’t you stay away?”

“Because you’re all I have” Clark said, loud enough to shut Bruce’s mouth in a second before he could retort. “You’re all I have...” his voice was cracking although he wasn’t crying yet. The tears that threatened to fall, made his blue eyes even brighter. 

“You... your family... the team...” Clark let out a deep sigh before continuing. “When I’m around you all, it’s like nothing happened. It’s like everything was fine and the months I’ve spent in that grave were nothing but a night’s sleep. It feels like I finally woke up to a life where I’m part of something important.”

Clark took a deep breath in order to calm himself, wiping the tears before they could roll from his eyes. 

“The reason I got so close to your family is that I’ve spent my whole life being careful not get too close to people” he continued. “I was always being careful not to reveal too much of myself or my powers… I’ve spent most of my life being a ghost and now that I have you guys, I feel that I don’t need to hide who I am anymore. I feel that I can be around people who I can talk to… To share my problems and worries with… people who would understand them. After a very long time I feel like I’m not alone anymore” he finally paused to breathe, as if he really needed it, after throwing all those words at once. “I’m sorry for invading your space like that... I didn’t realize how much this was bothering you.” 

Bruce was standing still, staring at Clark without saying a word. He couldn’t think of any reasonable response for that. There was no contingency plan for that kind of situation, he thought to himself while Clark came closer to hold him tenderly by the shoulders, triggering all the alarms and red warning lights inside his head.

“Bruce,” Clark's voice sounded faint as a whisper, needy even, and Bruce had to fight a shiver down his spine. “I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable with my presence here. I didn’t mean to cross your boundaries, I only wanted to belong somewhere...” he looked exhausted. “I didn’t mean to invade your privacy but being with your family is what has kept me sane lately... I can’t make Ma carry this burden after all I made her go through. I can’t talk to my work colleagues about coming back from the dead and fighting space monsters because they don’t even know who I really am. I know our teammates are not here all the time for they have their own lives and their own problems to deal with... not that I think you don’t. But after Lois and I... after Lois and I broke up...” he paused for a second, staring at the floor, lifting his head to face Bruce again with a miserable smile. “Well, is not like there’s someone waiting for me at home now” one tear was streaming down his perfect face. Clark wiped that away too.

“What I’m trying to say with all this is that I want to put what happened between us in the past” his expression went from defeated to determined, more Superman’s than Clark’s. “ I wish we both had a better relationship than this because I can’t take it anymore, Bruce. It’s draining and it’s not helping any of us. I can’t stand you looking at me the way you do every time we’re in the same room. It’s like you’re in a funeral! My funeral! It’s like you’re still looking at my grave. But I’m not there, Bruce. Not anymore.”

He squeezed Bruce's shoulders affectionately, making the other man startle at the action. “And I’m not a hologram either” Clark tilted his head to meet Bruce’s hazel eyes. “I’m alive and I am here in front of you. I’m just waiting for you to realize that” he stopped talking, getting even closer to Bruce who still looked petrified, unable to come with a response.

“Look,” Clark added, taking advantage of the fact that the other man was still silent. “I know I can’t make you let me in your life but can I ask you to give us a chance to know each other better? So you can finally know the real me? The one who’s not a God analogy and most importantly, who’s not dead?” he smiled provocatively through his tears, his eyes glistening with the artificial lightning of the meeting room. “Everyone gave me that chance. Even your family did. Except you.”

Clark lowered his head once more, taking a breath before he raised his gaze to Bruce's again, as if what he was about to say was not easy for him. As if preparing to say goodbye.

“But... if you still want me to stay away, I can leave right now. You’ll only see me when needed. I promise.”

Bruce took a few seconds before he could finally speak. He was not prepared for hearing so much from Clark, although that answered a lot of his questions. He was expecting Clark to yell at him. To accuse him. To call him an idiot and punch him in the face because that’s what he deserved. He wasn’t expecting a heart to heart conversation, let alone Clark apologizing. Why was he apologizing anyway? For being kind to me when I clearly don’t deserve it? For making this damn Manor a home again? For making the kids happy? Is that why are you apologizing, Clark?

“I...” he started to say, trying to make sense of himself again after being hit by the flood of words Clark poured over him.

“I’m not the one who has to give you a chance, Clark. It’s the opposite” Bruce let it out with a sigh. He was exhausted too. “I’m the one who should ask that... I’m the one who should ask you for forgiveness,” he clenched his fists, taking a deep breath before facing Clark, “even though I know I don't deserve it.” 

“Bruce...”

“I should have listened to you. I should have tried to get to know who you really are and let you know why I do what I do Instead of tracking you down and hunting you like… like... I should have known better than to be fooled by Luthor's schemes... I hated you. I planned to-I killed you, Clark...“ 

Bruce’s breathing was shallow as he struggled with the words. It was happening again. The anxiety attack. The physical discomfort caused by the memories of when Bruce found Clark's limp body, closed his eyes and wrapped him in his own cape to carry him to Diana's outstretched arms that would take him to Lois to say goodbye... Bruce had to find the strength to keep going. He owed it to Clark.

“You’re not like the others” Bruce found courage to say, looking Clark in the eyes, “I should have known that since the beginning. You’re not rotten inside like…” me. You’re not rotten inside like me, he wanted to say. “You’re not rotten inside like most of us… and that’s why I don’t understand how can you stay in my presence...” he said instead. “I failed you, Clark. All of you. I put the whole world in danger because I couldn’t see past the end of my nose. I couldn’t see the true before it was too late. Before I could prevent you from being killed. Before-”

Bruce couldn’t finish his crooked line of thought for Clark was hugging him so tight at the moment, leaving him lost of words and gasping in surprise. Wondering if that has something to do with being hugged by Clark or his super speed.

“Bruce,” Clark said this time softly in Bruce’s ear, “I forgave you a long time ago. It’s time for you to forgive yourself” he was gently rubbing his hand in soothing circles on the other man’s back in to calm him down. “We both made mistakes. I should have approached you differently, now I know that. However, I believe neither of us would ever go so far as to actually kill each other, You see? You tried to kill me but you didn’t. You didn’t listen to me sooner but you still did listen in the end. You saved my mother and fought by my side to save both of our cities. You helped me and Diana to defeat Luthor’s creature. That’s what I carry from that night. Through this time we’ve spent together, I learned to admire and respect you. That’s why it would mean a lot to me if we finally get along. Can we do that? Can we at least try?”

Clark’s words and hug let Bruce out of function and it took him a few seconds to realize that he was holding Clark tight against himself in response, like Clark was a damn life buoy in the middle of the ocean. What a lovely irony that was...

They were silent, only their arms doing the talking. Bruce didn’t know how long they stayed that way and he didn’t care. All that weigh was leaving his shoulders at last. The uneasiness and the sense of helplessness were disappearing. Clark was there in his arms and he was safe. And he could breath again. Finally, Bruce knew what it was to gravitate towards Clark's light and he didn’t want to let go.

“I need to eat at least six pizza boxes before I starve to death, can we please... Oh... Am I interrupting something?”

Bruce found himself letting go of Clark’s embrace in the second a very confused Barry Allen entered the meeting room. And after an embarrassing moment of Barry telling how proud he was of Bruce for finally starting to share his feelings with his colleagues and then leaving to ask Alfred for the pizzas, Clark (who was laughing very hard at the situation) reached his hand to Bruce.

“So… Can we start again?” Clark offered, looking at him expectantly, almost hesitant at the possibility of Bruce denying his request. “This time as friends, I mean.”

“Yes, I suppose” Bruce finally felt able to reply, taking Clark’s hand and trying to ignore the leap his own heart made inside his chest when they shook them in agreement.

“Thank you, Bruce” Clark's eyes seemed to glow even more brightly as he smiled at Bruce “Is there any possibility of you joining me and the kids for a movie night?”

“I’ll think about it” Bruce let his mouth form a smirk that made Clark’s grin even wider as it was possible.

Bruce did his best to disguise the fact that such a sight had made him lose his breath and his heart leap inside his chest once again.

Maybe having Clark around wouldn’t be so bad...

Notes:  - The songs that inspired this were Quiero Conocerte (Jesse y Joy); Llegaste Tu (Jesse y Joy); I Wanna Know You (Hannah Montana); - English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.

[bigskydreaming]

why-this-kolaveri-machi replied to your post:

Can’t wait for the Ric Grayson storyline to end so...

that it seems like they’re going to go the route of having ric grayson pressured into becoming a talon is going to make reading about the inevitable apology tour even more nauseating

That specifically is what has me pissed off the most, like I was just reading the December solicitations. Like, its inevitable that’s what this is all building up to...and because that’s how DC and so much of fandom regards Dick and his place in the Batfamily, that’s inevitably how the aftermath is going to play out. Ric is going to become a Talon at least temporarily, either because his great grand-douche manipulates or tricks him into it, via all the information that Dick had and thus knew when and where not to give William the time of day, and that Ric LITERALLY DOESN’T HAVE AND THUS KNOW TO WATCH OUT FOR...

Or else he’s going to be coerced or brainwashed into it, as the Court’s attempted many times before in various ways, but Ric lacks both any real support system and also the conviction of belief that Dick was able to use to resist them at times (because Ric is essentially a kid in a lot of ways, still figuring out day by day who he himself is and what he believes, its not that he’s any weaker as Ric than he was as Dick, he just HASNT HAD TIME to form all those steadfast convictions, he just woke up one day and was an adult all of a sudden, as far as things look from his eyes.)

But either way, its going to happen, and Dick is absolutely going to feel guilty and he’s absolutely going to apologize to people and take full responsibility for it like “yeah but it wouldn’t have happened if ‘I’ hadn’t insisted on you all staying away from ‘me’, like you couldn’t have warned me even if you wanted to, because ‘I’ wouldn’t let you.

Like its so frustratingly inevitable. And yet the REAL questions are, in light of this storyline....in whatever time and interactions Ric DID have with Bruce or Babs before he insisted on being left alone....how much of a primer DID they actually give him on Dick’s enemies and who might be gunning for him, whether Ric wanted anything to do with the Batfam or not? Didn’t they have a responsibility to warn Ric? Was there really NO option of passing him this information and making sure he got it, whether he wanted to receive it or not? 

This family of geniuses couldn’t at least leave him messages like FYI, you have an undead assassin great-grandfather around, who’s obsessed with making you Undead Like Him....or they couldn’t like....leave him a binder filled with all the information he NEEDED to know, and even just count on his/Dick’s innate curiosity to sooner or later make him flip through it, just to see if it answered any of his questions about himself or who he used to be?

This family, notorious for its lack of boundaries and refusal to respect each other’s privacy, especially in the name of being worried for each other’s safety....they’re SERIOUSLY not keeping an eye on him from a distance, even despite his telling them to stay away? They REALLY care so little about the family member they all clearly still believe is in there, deep down, or else have just so easily given Dick up for dead and accepted he’s never coming back (much like nobody it seemed thought to question his death after Forever Evil, just accepted it)...but either way, whatever they believe, they all really feel so little obligation to the man who gave so much of himself for them, time and time again, that not a SINGLE one of them is keeping even a cursory eye on him and the going ons in Bludhaven, via hacked security cameras, bugs, even just an ear to the ground that might be all that’s needed to realize there’s a bunch of people calling themselves Nightwings fighting crime in Bludhaven and one of them got strung up and left for dead all stuck full of Talon blades? 

NONE of them, even as busy as they are with their own shit, has a second to spare to run down to Bludhaven after even the POSSIBILITY of a rumor of Talon activities happening there...hell, none of them even stopped by to watch from the shadows when they heard rumors of multiple Nightwings, to see who the hell was using their loved one’s name...given that historically, he has not been a fan of just anyone running around naming themselves after him like its no big deal? 

Nobody stops by to defend their brother’s name and reputation from what are essentially a bunch of cops on a power trip, using vigilantism as an excuse to break the law in ways even they can’t on the job, rather than even that time Dick was a cop, and tried at least to use his role there to do through legal means what he couldn’t do even as a vigilante? Cuz I hated Dick as a cop, but even that wasn’t remotely the same thing as what these cops are doing, guns in hand as Nightwings, breaking down doors that they wouldn’t be allowed to during daylight hours, etc.

But not Damian, not Tim, not Jason, none of the girls....hell, not even another superhero like one of the Titans, or freaking Superman....no, nobody so much as makes a guest appearance to lecture the Nightwings about the responsibilities they’ve chosen to accept by taking on that particular mantle, and how very many people won’t fucking look kindly on them disrespecting it or dishonoring it via their actions, so they damn well better prove themselves worthy of it?

Nobody, upon doing even the most cursory inspection of the new vigilantes in Bludhaven, calling themselves by Nightwing’s name and naming themselves his successors....nobody eventually realizes, oh hey, one of those is actually RIC himself....and thinks, hey, maybe this is a sign that he’s either softening towards his old life and his refusal to know anything about it or have anything to do with it, or else maybe this is a sign that there’s more of Dick Grayson left than he thought, or they thought...and either way, NOBODY notices this huge freaking step on Ric’s part, given his initial refusal to even HEAR about his vigilante exploits....and thinks hey, maybe it might be time to try approaching him again, even just try and feel him out via a professional drop-by about a case we’re working on or they’re working on, see if maybe he might be more open now to getting to know some of us again....

or at the very least, NOW might be open enough to listen to us warn him about certain individuals he DESPERATELY needs to know to watch out for, now that he’s operating as a vigilante, and with a bunch of people using his old name, no less....something that all but guarantees that any old enemy of his that knew him well, from Deathstroke to Luthor to the Court, is going to know how to put two and two together, which gives them a HUGE advantage over the guy who’s out there, getting in the way of crimes like their endeavors...but with no clue how much they know about him and how vulnerable that makes him to them?

But none of that. Not a single effort towards any of that. And yet, we all know damn well that however it happens that Ric becomes a Talon, it’ll inevitably be Dick that gets the fallout...and people aren’t going to be shy - either in canon or in fandom - about reading him the riot act about how what happened could have been prevented, with there likely to not even be a damn mention of how THEY all should have done something about that then, since they actually COULD, on account of having BEEN there...which Dick really, was not. And yet they’ll all pretend he was, retroactively, as will he, in order to once again play out the drama of Dick Grayson the Scapegoat, as Dick takes full responsibility and falls on his sword so nobody else has to, because its inconvenient to expect whole casts of characters to apologize for MAJORLY dropping the ball and letting HIM get screwed over as a result...and its super inconvenient to ever expect anyone in his family BUT him to apologize for shit, like...EVER.

And not like Dick won’t inevitably feel guilty enough for whatever he/Ric/Talon does as a Talon that he’ll be beating himself up about it forever, anyone wanna take any bets on if we’ll get a SINGLE character comforting or consoling him that it WASN’T actually his fault and he can’t blame himself for things he couldn’t have done anything about? Or are they all gonna just, yet again, pile on, and make him feel more guilty because of how THEY were affected as well?

Seriously, this is all just Forever Evil/Spyral 2.0, all over again. Yet again, Dick’s screwed by a massive, life-altering plotline that RELIES on nobody really giving a crap about him in universe, or at least not demonstrating this....because it REQUIRES his family to be absolute shit at looking out for him in any meaningful way, in order for it to even exist. 

And its so frustrating because this is the kind of bullshit fix-it fics are MADE for....BUT because its Dick, and so much of fandom just implicitly accepts canon’s take that Dick is the only responsible adult in the entire Batfamily and thus the only one who is responsible for things that go wrong, ever - that’s how that works, isn’t it - there won’t be all that many fix-it fics, just like there weren’t after Spyral, where the majority of the aftermath fics were about fans not being satisfied with canon in the sense that they wanted MORE of an apology from Dick, MORE remorse for ‘what he did,’ MORE acknowledgment of HOW he’d fucked up and hurt them all.

Like, thanks, I hate it.

Sidebar....but anyone else notice, that be it in canon or in a majority of fics.....that the ONLY time Dick’s family ACTUALLY manage to respect his wishes and do what he asks of them, like, oh so conveniently happens to coincide with the times where respecting his wishes means they don’t actually have to do anything at all?

Like Bruce, who again has trouble respecting his kids’ boundaries and privacy practically any other time....was more than willing to respect Dick’s desire for distance from him after Bruce took Robin away, fired him, adopted Jason, all of that.....which was super nice of Bruce except oh wait, huh, kinda also meant that Bruce never had to be the one to make the first move to mend fences with his kid, apologize for what he did, ASK Dick to come home, any of that, huh? Nah, respecting Dick’s desire for some distance from him THIS time meant Bruce got to just sit on his ass and wait for Dick to be the one to come home, to apologize, to try and make things right.

Rinse and repeat after Bruce threw Dick out in the wake of Jason’s death, when Dick came to try and grieve WITH Bruce.

Rinse and repeat multiple more times, and with other characters too....who always put up a fight when Dick asks for something or expresses an opinion and they’re so sure they know better, but the second Dick expresses a demand for space....oh sure, that they can do, they can let him go off and do whatever for as long as he wants, no big deal, happy to accommodate. (Ironic that there are so many lines and headcanons and fics about the Batfam’s diehard belief that Dick is the one person they’d all go APESHIT over losing or being hurt or any of that - when time and time again, canon bears out that actually, Dick is pretty much the only member of the family they’ve all proven they’re more than capable and willing to live without him in their lives).

And now, yet again....Bruce, who couldn’t respect Dick’s wishes when Dick BEGGED Bruce not to make him fake his death, send him away, make him do the Spyral op....Tim, who EXPECTED better of Dick, expected Dick to know that you can’t just do something or let something happen when you know it’ll hurt your family or let them get hurt, just because Bruce told you to, or someone said you had to, even when you felt it was wrong....Jason, who PUNCHED Dick because ‘you don’t just do that to family,’ you don’t just let them grieve or feel abandoned or leave them on their own without you when you can actually do something about it....Babs, who he DISAPPOINTED YET AGAIN by ‘letting himself be talked into’ something he felt was wrong instead of doing what he should have known was the right thing to do, the right way to do right by her....

Somehow, ALL OF THESE PEOPLE are just....fine with respecting Ric’s wishes in ways they’ve never bothered respecting Dick’s. They’ll leave him alone, let him do his own thing, because that’s what he wants, see.

It has absolutely nothing at all to do with how it also just so happens to be the option that’s less hard on them too, to not have to be around this man who looks so much like Dick and yet isn’t them, to not have to struggle with remembering what it is or isn’t okay to expect of him or to hold against him for things he doesn’t remember, to not have to TRY to build a new connection with a man who expresses no interest in building one with them, because see....they never had to TRY before with Dick, because with EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.....

DICK DID THE WORK. Dick was the one who reached out and TRIED.

Even when - ESPECIALLY WHEN - they didn’t want him to. Didn’t make it easy for him. Made him WORK for every scrap of ground he gained with them, before they actually HAD that connection, the one they don’t have now.

And that’s the part that pisses me off the most. Yeah, we’ve seen this story before. Ric will become a Talon, Dick will become the scapegoat, he’ll apologize for everything he didn’t do and take responsibility for all the things that should’ve been done, nobody will say a damn word about what THEY could have done differently or take responsibility for how HE might feel about any of this going down, that might’ve been prevented if more people had insisted on more of a presence in his life, whatever form that took....

And ultimately things will go back to normal, as Dick will eventually settle back into his expected place in the Batfamily of being the emotional support call center, no outgoing calls allowed while on active duty, which is 24/7 for him. And most Batfam fans who aren’t Dick stans specifically will go right back to expecting that role for him, because that’s never stopped, even when he’s not actually around to fill that role. Business as usual.