#I don't know if I've told anyone this but I love when characters carry reminders of their loved ones around

[knightmareaceblue]

A redraw of the group photo from the Nether hopping arc! I wanted to get in more practice drawing the characters in this specific style, and also see if I can fix some issues with their designs that were bugging me. I... mostly succeeded on that 2nd part?

Some notes regarding these CG designs (plus some headcannons):

-Red's outfit frustrates me, because I like it a lot without colour, but once I start trying to add colour it always ends up looking off. The current colour scheme is fine, I guess, but I'm a little torn on whether or not the colours suit Red, and not making him too close to the other colour schemes present (which I like a lot more).

-Red's outfits will often have animal motifs designed into them. Usually cat, rabbit, or pig, but they have all sorts of animal clothes.

-Though it can't usually be seen due to not drawing them with their hood up often, Red's hoodie has cat ears. The reason I don't usually draw the hood up is because I like drawing his hair too much.

-Red will alternate between gloves, bracelets, and, post AVM season 3, a yellow headband and armbands.

-Under the hoodie Red will usually wear a tank top or crop top. Though it can't be seen in this photo, the arm holes for the hoodie are incredibly large, so Red's top can sometimes be seen when lifting her arms or looking at them from the side.

-In general, I do like Yellow's outfit. It suits her personality well and has some good colours. My primary concern is that it may be too... plain? Stereotypical? Basically, that it's too stereotypically 'nerd' to be interesting. But I can't come up with anything better, so this'll be her default outfit for now.

-What I do like on Yellow, however, is the hair. I think the short hair with a singular braid is really cool. A nice mix of neat and practical and stylish, especially mixed with the glasses.

-One issue I do have is with the boots. All the shoes in general, actually. They all look so samey, especially Blue and Yellow's boots. This is a pretty simplistic style I'm drawing in though, and I don't want to make anything too complicated. Why do shoes have to be so stupid?

-I used to have the same problem with Second's outfit as with Red's - particularly, with their shirt. However, that's when I realized that Second is an artist, and can change their shirt design at the drop of a hat. So, now the shirt has a different drawing on it regularly. Second will try to use all their friends colours in their designs. If they leave a person off, it usually means their either consciously or subconsciously upset with that stick. If they don't draw on their shirt at all and leave it blank, it usually means something's up with them.

-I also added leggings from the previous design. It felt right.

-Both Second and Chosen dislike shoes. I will not elaborate, but Second's tolerance is better than Chosen. He can handle it for short periods of time, but is usually grumpy and will kick them off first chance he gets.

-I like to imagine Second using her large, poofy hair to put things in, the same way she'd put things in their inventory. I also like to imagine Green is low-key horrified by this, while Red, Blue, and Yellow will also use her fluff to store things. Sometimes without Second even noticing.

-Second carries the belt with them in their hair in their inventory and will put it on before fighting/platforming so their oversized shirt doesn't get in their way. Otherwise they prefer to have their clothing loose and flowing.

-Everyone has a multicoloured accessory. Second was the one who started it with his bracelet, then the others wanted some too so Second drew up more for the gang. An anklet for Red, an armband for Yellow, a belt for Green, and a neckerchief for Blue.

-Green may just have the best outfit of everyone here. It's sleek, it's cool, it suits them, and it's easy to fight in (with an easily striped jacket if need be). I also added a lil choker.

-I don't think I expressed this before, but I didn't like Green's previous hairstyle. Something about it irked me, but I couldn't place what at the time. Now I know it'd needed more on top, haha.

-Blue's outfits tend to be more on the practical side, since they do a lot of manual labour, but with bits of fun and whimsy added in. After AvM Season 3, she trades her funny socks for long funny socks and fun stockings.

-The original intent was for everyone to have a different type of hair, but Blue's and Yellow's ended up a lot more similar than I'd hope. The idea was for Blue to have really thick hair, but it's hard to tell. Might think of something else later.

-Anyone who wants something different can go to Second and ask. They all have their own things they like, but they're all willing to try almost anything, with very little exception.

Feel free to let me know your thoughts. I think I really like these character designs I came up with. :)

Original pic used for reference:

[moumouton4]

"I Have passed by your Demon slayer nsfw headcanon, it was really great! thank you for writing that!🧡

can i request for Muichiro only, one shot nsfw an intimate one? (of course he is aged up, maybe to 18+?) So Muichiro may be comforting the reader after a mission or like could be the reader made a mistake and feels so frustrated with themselves,so Mui will be comforting the reader (they're in a relationship) and will become sweet and intimate with the reader."

~if not possible, it's totally fine~ thank you again! lots of support and love for you writer!🧡✨

A Taste Of Paradise In The Middle Of A Raging Storm || Muichiro Tokito x fem!reader

A/n : Hello lovely ! Here is it and may I say finally ! After 2 days of dealing with those damn cramps 😑 I really hope you'll like it 😍 I don't think I've ever write a fic as a request I think I usually stick with hc 😂

A/n 2 : Muichiro is aged up like all the characters y'all read for and write for from other mangas such as Mha, Assassination Classroom, Gambling School, Tokyo Revengers... so if anyone comes here and complain bro I'mma take the first plane and find you because you've been warned 👀

Summary : Your last mission left you very depressed and doubtful of your abilities. Luckily, your boyfriend is there to remind you what you're really worth. And you'd better believe him, because he's damn right.

Warnings : harsh words in the beginning, reader feels really bad, oral fem!receiver, penetrative sex, Muichiro is aged up, 18+ READERS ONLY and wrap it before you tap it

Masterlist ⚜

I don’t give permission to repost my work, if you want to share it just reblogue it

Word count : 2746

Entertainment District a week ago : 

Even hurt and heavily poisoned he said those words loud and clear “You weren’t enough today. I clearly made the wrong choice choosing you”

“No ! I can’t let you say that. Haven’t you seen the devastating force deployed ?!? It swept everything in its p-” you tried to argue back.

“And why are they all dead while you’re still alive ?!?” he bit back. His words were harsh. Your vision blurred with tears and you didn’t even notice his wives who were trying to shush him as best as they could. After this you passed out. Well that’s what Tanjiro told you when you woke up on the way back. Inosuke was kind enough to carry you while you were out.

Back to the Demon Slayer Headquarter :

Since then you have been keeping to yourself. You couldn't stop his words from creeping inside your head. Each time louder than the previous one. You weren’t even angry at Tengen for lashing out at you like this. He was fucking right, you messed up like never before.

You were supposed to keep the people of the area of the Entertainment District your were accounted safe, and yet no one survived. It has left you very frustrated at the whole situation “It’s so damn stupid !” you screamed in your pillow as another rush of tears streamed down your face.

You were so ashamed of yourself. By now everyone must have known what had happened since as a demon slayer you have to write down a report that will be read by the master and the hashiras. Hence the fact you stayed in your room. Little did you know that even Tengen himself in his report stated that the order he gave you back then was impossible to execute. In fact, between the moment he asked you to rush over the south part of the district and the moment the blow devastated the area only 3 minutes had passed. So after running from north to south, you were greeted on the spot by the blast that sent you flying backwards. Your friends could barely imagine how hard it was for you so they preferred not to interfere, leaving you the choice to gather with them whenever you are ready.

There was one person though who didn’t read any of the reports that were written on the said mission, the Mist Hashira, Muichiro Tokito, your boyfriend. It has been a while since you guys have seen each other. Something like 18 days to be exact - 4 days travel to the district, a week of mission, 4 days travel back and the 3 days Muichiro decided to let you rest from all this - but now he started to really miss you a lot so he decided to go to the little place you had in the estate.

The look on his face as he enters your room shows that he's not at all up to date with what happened during your mission. His eyes widen and his mouth slightly hangs agape at the sight of you before him. You are sprawled in your bed, your face buried in your mattress under your pillow as you cry hard. Your body spasming and shivering with force as you pour all your frustration on the wet sheets.

He didn’t hesitate a second before moving swiftly and sitting next to your lying figure on the bed. His hand tentatively reaches for your back wanting to give you some comfort. As it made contact with you, starting to draw slow and soothing circles your breath hitched. You hadn’t heard him with the loudness of your cries. You slowly moved your head from under your pillow to see who it was - even if you had a little idea of who it might be.

Your glassy and red eyes looked up at him trying to focus on his face with your blurred vision. You blinked several times trying to adjust. He instinctively circled his arms around your middle and pulled you flush against him. Your eyes didn’t even have the time to focus, but he couldn’t bear seeing you so sad. Your head was nestled against his neck. As you inhaled the delicate perfume of aloe vera in his hair you were sure it was him.

You weakly responded to his embrace. He didn’t even need to talk, the soothing motion of his hand on your back and the light kisses her peppered your neck with were enough to help your cries subside. He immediately understood that something had gone wrong during your mission. And against his growing curiosity - because when it came to you, he was sometimes curious - he decided not to inquire further.

Once you calmed down you whispered “Thank you for coming over” your voice was quite hoarse.

“Of course Flower always” he said softly, never ceasing the movement of his hand.

After again so time you asked barely above a whisper “D-do you think that I’m not enough ?”

He blinked slowly, trying to process what he had just heard. He wondered if it was a trick of his mind or if you really said what he thought he heard. His grip on you got lighter as he pulled you back to you in the eyes “Reassure me you didn’t just really say that ?” his voice was both soft and firm, his azure eyes fixed in your e/c. He didn’t want to believe the idea could ever cross your mind.

“P-please tell me” you sounded desperate. “Am I not en-” “Rather than telling you I can show you” and as he said that his hands slowly moved from your back to your hips. He massaged you there softly wanting to make sure you were okay with this and also that it could bring you some comfort. He gave your cheek a kiss, before his lips wandered down the side of your neck. He gently nipped at your pulse point. You emitted a soft sound at his ministrations. You were so grateful to have someone like him, who was doing his best to get your mind off of things that bothered you.

“Here let me get you comfortable” he said, his usual tone carrying a hint of affection he rarely expresses openly. He laid you on the bed and continued kissing you. You allowed yourself to close your eyes and focus on something else than what you think is the biggest mistake of your life.

His mouth was soft as he let little kissing on your collarbone. But you couldn’t help but feel them getting warmer as his soft and innocent kisses became open mouthed ones. You could clearly feel him sucking a hickey on your skin. He let it go with a pop before delving back in with his tongue this time to sooth the purplish area. He tried his best to express everything he couldn’t with words with delicate and comforting actions.

His hand didn’t stop either from stroking your sides. But just as his kisses, his touch became bolder as one of his hands gently cupped one of your breasts “Am I succeeding in convincing you ?” he said, his voice slightly muffled against your skin.

But just as you were about to answer, your voice caught in your throat preventing you from saying a word. You were feeling increasingly hot and bothered and you knew exactly what he was trying to do. Somehow feeling your change of state, he looked up at you. His eyes bore into yours and he chuckled quietly at the blush that spread on your cheeks. “Looks like you’re feeling hot. Mind if I take that off” he said, and you nodded allowing him to take your shirt off. 

His eyes sparkled on the curves of your body. No matter how many times he'd done it, he couldn't help staring, as if lost in thought. Like a magnet, his mouth came to rest on your skin, this time inching closer to your chest. You were glad you hadn't worn a bra today, it was a chill day after all.

A low moan came from your mouth as his caught your hardened nipple delicately. He gave it the attention it deserved through gentle suction before moving on to the other. He loved seeing you squirming like that underneath him. It only proved that little by little his efforts were making you relax. His hand snaked up your body before hooking onto the waistband of your pajamas. His mouth kissed its way down your stomach before stopping where her fingers had been. Each kiss screaming at you that **you were enough** that **you were everything he ever dreamed about**.

He waited a beat or two before gently lowering them all at once. Revealing your most intimate part to his - hungry - eyes.

But just as his mouth was about to continue its exploration, this time on your core, you stopped him "Please Muichiro, it's you I-I need. All of you please"

He stopped short, his tongue only inches apart from your already glistening folds. He wanted to make this only about you, but now that you were asking for it, who was he to deny you ? Hashira or not.

But he couldn't resist giving your wet folds a long, lingering lick upwards making your hips buck forward "Mmh sorry that was too tempting" he admits while savoring your sweet taste on his tongue.

After that, he stood up quickly and took off his haori, then his pants. You gulped at the sight of his erection. You always had trouble imagining that an angel's face like his went with such a... well… fit dick. He grabbed a nearby scrunchie of yours that was lying around and quickly fixed his hair.

Once he was ready, he got back on top of you at your level. His body came to rest delicately on yours, mindful not to crush you with his weight. His lips gave a tender kiss to yours as his hips thrust forward, aiming to nestle his cock deep inside you. When you felt the tip of his erection against your entrance you softly whimpered his name. He smiled tenderly "That's it" he thought. You were finally totally focused on him and nothing else that could dampen your spirits.

He entered you slowly, inch by inch. He took his time so that you could get used to his size again, and so that it remained as pleasant for you as it was for him. Even if after so many days of abstinence just want to thrust deeply in one go. He knew it was only a postponement. And right now you needed him. And he was going to do his best to put that smile back on your face.

He, who always had his head in the clouds, was hyper focused on every single reaction of your body. He, who always was so fast during fights. use all his free will to keep his movements as slow as possible. His cock dragging slowly in and out of your tight cunt to let you feel all the contours and veins that ran through them. With words, he couldn't resist using wit, but with gestures, with looks, no filter was possible. Not with you. Not when you're both so vulnerable.

He gently felt your body responding to his, it gave him a confidence boost that he was doing the right thing. Your back arching as he oh so slowly rocked his hips upward rubbing against that spongy spot.

Despite your slow movements, the thoughts in his head kept racing "Do you still have doubts ?", "Why don't you see yourself as I see you ?", "Who put those thoughts in your head ?", "Did he give you enough reason to think that you are enough for him ?"

What snapped him out of his thoughts was your legs tightening around him "M-Muichiro I'm c-" "Shh I know" he said as he felt your velvety walls tighten around him in a delicious way. "Hang on tight" he murmured breathlessly. He has been holding on from pounding into you but as he felt you nearing the edge his resolve crumbled.

His hands found a firm grip on your hips as he began to quicken his pace. In response your arms encircled his body and your nails left red trails down his back. Both your moans grew louder, blending perfectly with the sounds of your lovemaking.

His head nestled against your neck as he kept pounding you. His voice was hoarse like it rarely was - as he didn’t speak that much when you guys usually have sex - “See what you’re doing to me ? I can’t stop myself from having you. So don’t you ever dare saying those words ever again. Understood ?”

Hearing his words you nodded eagerly. You knew that the meaning of his words carried far more than the spoken word in itself. He was demanding not to only say it aloud but never think so little of yourself again either. It was usually with others that he used this kind of tone. But here on you, it just proved that he was really serious and that he wasn't going to be satisfied if you disobeyed him.

"Use your words or I'll slow down" he continued, and you knew that he meant it. He knew how to be stubborn sometimes, especially when it came to taking care of you.

"P-promise... ughh I promise. P-please don't stop !" your voice rushed out in a squeak.

And he didn’t stop. He kept on thrusting with force bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

He felt the coil tighten in his stomach and he really hoped it wouldn't be long before you reached your climax because he wasn't going to last long. He did his best to aim well. In a flash of lucidity he brought his hand down to your clit and started to rub it in a rapid circle.

Suddenly, with a strangled cry, you fell over the edge. He felt you tighten even more, milking his cock just the way it needed to make her throb with pleasure. And just a little later with a few more thrusts he came. Pouring his love as he spilled his seed deep inside of you - I like to think Shinobu makes Plan B pills lmao.

He collapsed on top of you, his cock still nestled into you as his mouth left little wet kisses where he had done the hickey earlier. Your rapid breathing mingled with his. Your bodies were sticking with sweat but you couldn't care less. He hugged you even tighter trying to provide you even more affection and strength. He wanted you to be strong and he knew you were oh so strong usually. Hence his original shock.

As he drifted off to sleep, he heard your little voice say "Thank you for answering me". He knew deep down that he'd have to read all the reports on that famous mission to the Entertainment District later. To find out what it was all about. But for now, he was there, letting himself be carried away by your breaths and the warmth of your body. Maybe this was paradise.

Bonus scenes 🤷‍♀️ :

Maybe as you're still going at it Makio, Suma or Hinatsuru ( or the three ) or maybe Tengen himself - but I think he is too proud for that - come to ask you if you're doing okay. Maybe the wives want ask for forgiveness on the account of their husband.

Either you're still going at it and like their hear from outside some interesting moans and slapping sounds, making them chuckle softly - I fell like the Uzuis are fine with sex lmao. I mean they are 4 👀. So they decided to come back later.

Or when they knock no one answers. You guys are fast asleep on your fûton, completely spent. So they open the door slowly. As One of they is about to talk their eyes land on you snoring on your back while Muichiro is sprawled on ton of you, his face hidden in your neck. With a knowing smile they discretly leave the room that witnessed your love and passion, thinking they might come later once you are fully rested.

~

~

A/n : I added some details of the story in the comments. If you're curious about some other stuff

A/n 2 : If you're wondering and didn't notice the title was a metaphora. The raging storm takes place in Reader's head. Just like the storm under a skull from Victor Hugo in Les Misérables

Taglist : @foxxymunson, @cl0vr, @ilovemanypeople, @glossy1pearl, @jane57sstuff

[miss-hyoko]

A New Life

Character(s): Lilia

Summary: You and Lilia start a new life after withdrawing from the war

Tag(s) and warning(s): GN!Reader, fluff, platonic but can be read as romantic, reader is NOT Yuu, childhood friends, crack, domestic life, a little spoiler about Lilia's past, little Malleus makes a cameo

Note: This fic is kinda like a missing scene from this childhood friend headcanon, but you don't need to read that to understand this

After withdrawing from the front line, you and Lilia chose to live together in a house located near the palace, taking into consideration that Lilia still works as a Royal Guard.

While Lilia's continuing his work at the palace, you settled down as a local physician, healing anyone who came to your house for treatment. You treat everyone, fae or human, without asking for a penny. Knowing you will refuse their money, they then decide to give you something else as a token of their gratitude. Every so often, it's their crop, sometimes it's their livestock, sometimes it's home cooking, and some even give you cloth or little trinkets they make.

All of that, coupled with Lilia's income as a Royal Guard, makes the lives more than enough for the both of you

You enjoy your current lifestyle. Living with your dear childhood friend, in a small, humble house owned by the two of you. Everything is perfect. So calm, peaceful, and more importantly, far from the brutality of war.

You thought life couldn't be better than it already is, but that assumption of yours was proven wrong when one day Lilia came home with a surprise. A pleasant surprise that makes your days even better.

***

"Lilia, whose child is that?"

Hearing the sound of the door opening, you hurriedly turned off the stove to welcome your childhood friend home. But as soon as you arrive at the doorstep, your attention is immediately drawn to the little boy in his arms.

The boy had hair that was as black as night, a pair of emeralds-like eyes, and two small horns perched on top of his head. His appearance reminds you of someone, but who?

"Ah, (Name)!" Noticing your presence, Lilia walked excitedly to you, making the child in his arms flinched in surprise and hide deeper into his chest.

"This is Malleus, the boy in the palace that I often tell you about! Isn't he adorable?" Lilia rubbed his cheek against the child's head, being careful not to get pierced by the horn.

You tilted your head slightly, trying to remember the stories Lilia once told every time he returned from the palace.

Hmm… the palace, a fae child, and those familiar appearances...

"Ah! Is he the Queen's grandson? The new prince who was born not long ago? The one that accidentally burned your hair?"

Lilia nodded his head to answer all of your questions, "Yup, you're absolutely right! This is that kid, Malleus Draconia!"

"I see... so, he's our prince."

You turned your attention to Malleus who was being carried by Lilia. Giving the friendliest smile you had, you extended your hand to the little fae and started introducing yourself.

"Hello, little prince. My name is (Name) (Last Name), I'm Lilia's friend. I've heard many stories about you from Lilia, it was nice to have finally met you!"

Malleus looked at you and your outstretched hand in turn, then he looked back at Lilia with eyes full of uncertainity.

Seeing the puzzled expression painting the prince's face, Lilia chuckled slightly and nodded his head, saying, "Go on, you can hold their hand. They're my friend, they won't hurt you. So, you don't have to be afraid."

Hearing Lilia's assurance, Malleus then looked back at you, who were still stretching out your hand while smiling at him. Although a little hesitant, Malleus slowly stretched out his hand and clasped your hand back.

"Na-naish to mith yuu…," he whispered a little shyly, red blush adorning his chubby cheeks.

If you wasn't aware of his identity as a prince, you would love to pinch those chubby cheeks and kiss them countless times. His cuteness is too much! As expected of Briar Valley's prince!

Huh? Wait a minute… Why does it feel like something is wrong?

!

"LILIA! WHY DID YOU BRING THE PRINCE OUT OF THE PALACE?!"

"Ouch! Don't hit me, (Name)!"

"YOU STILL DARE TO TALK BACK?!"

"W-woah! Careful, (Name)! I'm still holding Malleus!"

"PUT HIM DOWN FIRST ON THE SOFA, AND THEN WE TWO CAN CONTINUE TALKING!"

***

After learning that Lilia took Malleus out of the palace at the behest of the Queen, who wanted her grandson to see his homeland, you finally breathed a sigh of relief.

"You hurt me, (Name), to think you thought of me as someone who dared to kidnap the prince of our country." Lilia complained while playing dolls with Malleus at the dinner table.

"I'm sorry, okay?" You said, coming out of the kitchen with a bowl of warm porridge, "Besides, it was partially your fault for not telling me that you were going to come home with the prince."

Taking the nearest seat, you sat on the other side of Malleus, making the little fae seated between you and Lilia.

"It was supposed to be a surprise, so naturally I won't tell you." Lilia pursed his lips, trying to defend himself.

You can only sigh, not knowing what else to say about Lilia's odd antics. Instead, you scoop up the porridge you made, blow it until it's slightly cool, then feed Malleus, who's still busy playing with a doll you got from one of your patients.

"So, the Queen gave you an order to take care of the prince? Wouldn't that mean, you're now the prince's caretaker?"

"Yeah, you can call it like that." Taking the doll from Malleus' hand, Lilia used his magic to make the doll dance, making the little fae clap his hands happily.

Seeing that Malleus' mouth was empty again, you then took another spoonful of porridge and fed him again. Meanwhile, Lilia continue controlling the doll to entertain Malleus so that he can finish eating quickly.

When the porridge in the bowl is almost gone, you suddenly realize something important.

"Lilia."

"Hmm?"

"Do you know how to take care of a fae child?"

"...."

Hearing no reply from your childhood friend, you turn your eyes towards him and find Lilia smiling mischievously at you.

"Care to guess the reason I brought Malleus here?"

Oh, you have bad feelings about this.

"Say, old friend, what do you think about the two of us raising a child together?"

Great Sevens, please give me more patience to face this childhood friend of mine.

***

"Huh? How do I raise my fae child?"

The patient in front of you seemed a little taken aback hearing your sudden question. You're also actually a bit awkward to ask that, considering until this moment you yourself are still single, but all this is necessary for the future of Briar Valley.

You've had enough of Lilia's attempts to take care of Malleus just by relying on his 'nanny instinct'. What kind of 'nanny instinct' did he have that made him feel practicing advanced magic spells with a LITERAL child was a good idea? Whatever it is, you no longer want to trust Lilia's 'nanny instinct'.

Since then, you've frequently asked every patient who comes for your treatment about how they take care of their fae child. After asking different people many times, and occasionally getting meaningful smiles from some patients, you finally managed to gather all the answers into a small book that you titled 'Tips and Tricks for Taking Care of fae child that Even Idiots Can Understand'.

"Why are you giving me this book, (Name)?" Lilia gaped dramatically when you gave him that book, "Don't you believe my ability as a caretaker?"

"Absolutely not." You answer quickly without a second thought while rocking Malleus to sleep.

Vaguely, you can hear Lilia's sulking about how you, his childhood friend who he has grown up with, don't trust his 'nanny instinct'. But before long, you also hear pages being turned, a sign that Lilia is starting to read your book. Soon, all you can hear in Malleus' room is your humming sound and occasionally the pages of the book being flipped.

After confirming that Malleus was indeed sound asleep, you slowly laid him back into his crib and tucked the blanket under his arm.

When you turn around, you find Lilia leaning against the wall, one hand holding your book while the other turns the page, and a rare gentle smile adorning his face. You always knew that Lilia was very good-looking, but this time, under the dim lighting of the room, he looks so breathtaking, like a painting that has come to life.

Fascinated, you don't realize how long you've been watching his face. You only woke up from your daydream when you heard Lilia's low chuckle. Didn't know since when, he was already in front of you, face just an inch away from yours. His long hair swayed along with his every move, framing that attractive face perfectly.

"Is my face to your liking, (Name)?" he teased, making you instantly flush in embarrassment.

"You-"

"Shh."

A cold finger lands on your lips, making you spontaneously swallow whatever you want to say. You looked at Lilia nervously, not knowing what else the fae would do next.

With narrowed eyes and a mischievous smile, Lilia held up the book he had been reading earlier.

"Page seventeen, paragraph three. Don't make noise near fae child who has just fallen asleep. There's a chance that they will unconsciously release their magic to attack you. Don't tell me that you have forgotten what you wrote yourself?"

You closed your eyes, giving not the slightest response to Lilia's words. Let alone respond, you didn't even really hear what Lilia was talking about. How could you do that when his face is so close to you to the point you can even feel his breath? If you open your eyes now and come face to face with Lilia's red eyes, there's no guarantee you won't become a stuttering mess.

You planned to keep closing your eyes until Lilia moved his face away, but suddenly, you felt two sturdy arms wrap around your body and pull you into a very familiar embrace. A hug that feels warm like the sun, comfortable like the softest pillow, and most importantly, it always makes you feel safe.

Just as you were about to relax your body, you felt Lilia put his head on your shoulder.

"If I didn't know you better, I would have mistakenly thought that you were a parent who had countless experience with children."

Lilia's breath tickles your neck when he speaks, making you squirm a little in his embrace. You tried to break free, but Lilia just chuckled softly and tightened his arms around you.

"You know, (Name)? I think you can be a good parent." He said, burying his face deeper into your shoulder.

"Now, all that's left is your partner, how about considering me as one?"

[valdaycare-au]

The Halloween Update! (since we Mateo Vincent??? MATEO forgot to update the blog.) Part 5

Mateo is the one who is responsible for updating the website but as the last photo is his, allow me to do the honors of updating you with the finale of this... Je ne sais pas, this series? Oui, it seems to be the proper term. Mateo went in as this... hm, how curious. This is... a costume? Really? I thought he was wearing his usual outfit! Madame Ling went in as a nurse—which I was later told that she actually went as Nurse Joy from Pokémon (that surprised me), Kirra went in as Aloy from Horizon Zero Dawn (Sasha a fait un travail incroyable!) And you're telling me that... Mateo wore a costume? This is a costume? Who is he even supposed to be? Himself? The colors don't fit him, he looks so... plain. Mon dieu, what a disaster. I thought he was an architecture student? Why is he—

Quoi merde—Mateo?!

Cabrón, chingas tu madre.You think you can just push me off the computer like that, homie?

The hit was unnecessary, connard!

And so is pushing me off the computer, so now I'm just giving you a taste of your medicine! Take that, tonto!

Why, you—?!?

Yes, me! Go back and work in admin instead of taking care of children since you're so bad at it!

If there's anyone who's deathly bad at something, it's you and your idiotic fashion sense! Why not ask the new babysitter for fashion tips since you obviously need some, asshole!

What?! I don't need fashion advice from him, I'm the reason he dresses that way! I told him how to dress!

Have you told him that you're just as violent as your aunt too?!

(They continued bickering until Sasha put a stop to them both—or, more correctly, Vincent was taken away against his will as Sasha carried him on his shoulder, effectively leaving Mateo to finally do this job.)

Um... Sorry about that. You didn't have to see that, haha.

Anyway! If you ask me, I definitely had a blast at our party! It was just unfortunate that we weren't able to post videos and other photos besides the ones we have with our Little Wonders since we needed consent from the parents and the, well, sitter after party is, um... not really available to be disclosed to the public (let's just say that depressed adults are involved). But enough about that, let's talk about my lil' homies!

First things first, I love Pokémon. I still have my original Gameboy cartridges for Pokemon Blue and Red, I collect the cards, I've played all of them and I have very strong team compositions in all of my games! I thought that maybe the kids would like Pokémon and so I dressed up as one of my childhood heroes—Ash Ketchum! No kidding, I cried so hard when I watched him finally become the world champion from the episode from last year. There's news about the series finally ending, too! So it felt appropriate to give a tribute to my own personal hero.

I was planning to bring my very own 'pokémon' to the party (it was just a bunch of my exotic pets, nothing much) because the kids wanted to see them but I realized that, well, the kids are very rowdy and it would be hard to bring them. So instead I made little pokéballs for everyone!

As for my favorite buddies, I like to think that I'm putting them here because they're fun and chill to hang with! They're absolutely cute, passionate, and adorable, no one can resist these little troublemakers even if they make a mistake.

I absolutely adore Tala's sass and liveliness. She would talk to me about the Filipino telenovelas her moms would watch with her and I love her enthusiasm about learning about her culture this way. She's quite the conversationalist, too, as she never runs out of stories!

Jamie was livid when I gave him the pokéball I made and I know mi hombrecito would appreciate what I gave him. He reminded me of me due to his obsession with the action figure and cartoon character KAY/O. He's quite the lively and imaginative kid and I couldn't be more honored to have a little space in the little guy's head everyday and every night when he falls asleep.

And of course, who's going to forget lil' Sunwoo Byrne? Kid's got a huge appetite, she absolutely loves the sandwiches I made her before! I do think it's cute that both her and Jamie are fans of Pokémon given that they bond over watching cartoons and the like! Makes me feel secure knowing that there are still kids who loved cartoons as much as I did—do, since I still watch them now. They're just fun to be around with, you get me?

And unfortunately I was the last one in this batch. Maybe in the future we'll get to have another one to be included in posts like this? I don't know, but this was certainly fun to write!

[absideoncollective]

Little reminder that persecutors are people!!! And they deserve help, recognition and compassion!!!

Here's an excerpt from "Formation and Functions of Alter Personalities in Dissociative Identity Disorder: A Theoretical and Clinical Elaboration"

(Slightly edited by me to make it slightly more readable. This was written by Turkish researchers in Turkey/Türkiye universities which is probably why there are some orthographic errors)

ⅰ. It is single-minded in judgement. The persecutory alter personality tries to disconnect the relationship of the host with the perpetrators. In fact, it is a helper character at the beginning. However, the revictimization experiences of the host turns it to a persecutor. It carries all defense and coping mechanisms which were utilized during the traumatic experience.

ⅱ. The persecutory personality remembers traumatic experiences and tries to develop solutions in a rather masculine way. It intends to destroy perpetrators and also the host as it allows perpetrators to victimize the subject.

ⅲ. It carries anger-related emotions.

ⅳ. The persecutor is not interested in the character of the host. It considers the host just as a submissive character and ridicules it. The persecutor is self-focused, it represents the powerful aspect of the pre-dissociated person.

ⅴ. The persecutor is attracted by individuals who look powerful and wants to develop relationships with them (Table 1).

Now, do I think this is a bit of an outdated view on alters and their roles? Pretty much. I don't get how to "develop solutions in a rather masculine way" (I think it's saying masculine instead of aggressive? I can't tell and I don't want to assume), I really don't like how they're referring to an alter as an "it", and I think that it really does over generalize the behaviour of persecutors.

I wanted to include all these points to paint a full picture of what the psychiatric world thinks of persecutors, but I want to focus on the first point.

It clearly indicates that persecutors are just misguided helpers, that because of trauma have maladaptive coping strategies. They are hurting and dealing with it the best they can.

From Jeni Haynes' book "The Girl in the Green Dress" :: the average age of the devil is six years old. This comes from a workshop woth Dr. Colin Ross - a psychiatrist and president of the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation from 1993 to 1994 - where he explains that children who were abused were often told that they were the evil ones so that they couldn't in good conscience report their abusers. After all - those children as evil as them!

I believe that persecutors, especially ones split from childhood/when the abuse was ongoing, have that exact mindset. All they want is to get to safety, but all they know is that they're evil and to not trust anyone. This translates into maladaptive coping mechanisms that can be interpreted as them being evil - which further reinforces their beliefs.

Please love and care for your persecutors. They deserve love and acceptance as much as any other person. I've spoken with far too many systems who lock up their persecutors or beat them into submission and call that "dealing with it". Don't continue the cycle of pain, but show compassion.

[pixiedane]

I have been emotionally compromised by Star Trek Picard

MANY SPOILERS BELOW. Also rambling and rabbit holes into my psyche.

I've explained often that Ro Laren is the first Star Trek character that represented ME on screen. That the reason Voyager is my Trek is it's a whole shipful (and showful) of Ro Larens. And that is also why Picard owns my soul. From the beginning it's been ABOUT rebels who exist within and without the confines of Starfleet and how they navigate between the two.

I was told last April an appearance by Ro Laren was a likelihood in Picard S3 and since it had wrapped at that point, I believed it. I've been carrying around the potential for a Picard/Ro reunion for nearly a year and I got it and it was glorious. EXACTLY what I wanted from that scene, that conversation. It was painful and angry and yearning on both sides and could even be seen as shippy if you are a me. It was even perfect that it was in Guinan's bar.

And then minutes later she sacrificed herself. And I knew that would happen, too. Not because it was suggested to me, it wasn't. Because that's what happens to the characters I relate to the most. They are never the protagonists (I call myself after the manic pixie dream girl trope for a reason) and they never win. They barely ever survive and when they do they disappear, they are forgotten, or they turn into something unrecognizable from what I related to in the first place.

Ro gave Picard closure. She reminded him not to conflate duty with honor. She showed him he could be a good parent if he saw his child for the person they already are in addition to the person he imagines they could be. She connected his past to his present. And then she died because her purpose was fulfilled.

I actually quite like the idea of Picard as the deconstruction of the Great Man. It's more satisfying than the far more widely seen and (mis?)understood hero-turned-wise-mentor trope. JL tries to be a wise mentor but he fails at it more than he succeeds. And he hasn't given up being the hero. He hasn't given up being the rebel. He knows his name is in the title. He's still trying to prove himself to me. To me.

I sensed that Ro Laren was going to die the same way I sensed that Katrina Cornwell was going to die and I preemptively protected myself against my feelings about it by choosing not to feel. Kat died four years ago and to this day my main emotional reaction to it is the lack of an emotional reaction. I'm numb about it.

That said, Kat's death broke the narrative. It didn't make sense in the context of her character. Kat's entire arc was one of survival, the survival of self and the survival of Starfleet, and her sacrifice was a misread of that. It doesn't make sense. Katrina Cornwell is a survivor.

Ro's entire arc actually is about sacrifice. From introduction it was about the things she had to give up. Her father, her freedom, her faith, her ideals, her career, her mentor. She gave up everything over and over and over. I don't want her death and it was not necessary but it makes sense in the context of her character and in service to the reconstruction of Jean-Luc Picard. That second part may be a slap in the face but that first part is validation.

Was Ro Laren fridged? Yes. Am I happy about it? No. Am I angry about it? Intellectually yes, emotionally I'm numb. Do I hate this episode the way I do "Such Sweet Sorrow" and tbh the entirety of Disco S2? No. It breaks my heart but not my brain. The Picard/Ro scene is perfect. The part about being seen was a message to me, to the girl who wanted to be seen in/by her favorite show and wasn't until Ro showed up. With the exception of the death this episode is Anika catnip, Anika cocaine.

Jack Crusher is the most made for me character in the history of characters made for me or anyone else. The only thing different between him and every original character I've ever created for any reason is he's a boy and I love him so much I can't hold it against him. In fact, I see my boy mom relationship with my son in his relationship with his mom and I actually really needed that.

And Ro Laren was sacrificed for Jack Crusher in every possible way one character can be sacrificed for another. My emotions are literally everywhere.

[obsidiannebula]

but when I put my work out there no one gives a shit. even the AI gets more of a reaction out of others, even if its purely negative. admit it, people only started to pretend to care about smaller artists and writers to stick it to the AI techbros

You're experiencing something that every creative on the planet has been struggling with since forever: the crushing disappointment of "I worked really hard on this but nobody even seems to notice it."

We've all been there. It sucks. We tend to feel a need for recognition and validation when we do or make something. Just about every artist or writer on here has experienced that disappointment, and wondered in despair if it's even worth continuing to make and post the things they make. After all, why put in all that effort to make something and share it, when nobody seems to care? Why keep investing so much into something you love, only to share it and find that no one else appreciates it like you do?

Well, if you've been in creative circles for a while, you've actually probably seen some answers to this question. See, we HAVE cared about our fellow small creators since long before """AI""" was really a concern. For years we've been making and sharing posts to help and uplift each other. We've told each other, don't create with the hope of getting fame and adulation, or you'll almost certainly be disappointed. We've told each other, create for your friends, for the 3 people who are as deeply invested in your rarepair or niche fandom as you are, create for yourself, create for the joy of creation. We've spread posts reminding people that a like is nice, but if you really enjoy someone's art, it helps the creator much more to reblog it, because it increases the work's visibility and reach. We have encouraged people to commission artists- and we have actually done so! See my little icon in the corner there? I commissioned that from a friend, who is a small artist themself. (@oriathura here and on the website formerly known as Twitter, in case anyone would like to commission them!)

The creative community has been supporting each other for a long time, whether you were aware of it or not. I've been on Tumblr since 2017, and have been following artists and writers that whole time, and began posting my own art and writing soon after joining. I have seen thousands of posts of the sort I described, trying to help motivate, reassure and uplift other creators. I have seen friends and mutuals get discouraged by the lack of response to their art, and wonder if they should give up. I have seen them carry on anyway, and I have seen them grow and develop as artists. I have posted my own work and gotten silence in response, and I have persisted anyway and continued to improve my craft and make work that I am proud of, regardless of how many people saw it or validated me through praise.

Because I wanted something to exist, and I made it exist, and I deserve to be proud of that. No matter how many people saw it or liked it.

You didn't ask for advice, but I'm going to offer some, and you and any other creatives reading this can take it or leave it, as you like:

*Find community. Follow some creative people, maybe acquire some creative mutuals. Join a Discord server for artists and/or writers. Get involved with a small group of fellow creators and hype each other up!

*Learn how to tag your posts. Don't spam a bunch of unrelated tags, of course, but learn how to add plenty of relevant ones. Lots of people follow tags for characters, fandoms, and even the "my writing" and "fiction" tags- I know I do. That will put your post on the dash of some people who are following those tags. The more people who see it, the more likely it is to reach the people who will enjoy it- because no matter the subject or even quality of the work, there IS an audience for it. Following and posting in these tags may even help you find community!

*Make something with no intention of ever sharing it. If you love to create but find yourself discouraged and frustrated by a lack of positive response when you share your work, make something just for yourself and keep it to yourself. Learn to appreciate creation for creation's sake, for the joy you can bring yourself. If you're feeling really bold, make something and then destroy it. Rip it up, burn it, hit delete. Art is valuable even when it is fleeting.

*Create for an event. One of the best things that ever happened to my writing was participating in TAZ Pride Week 2018. I wrote a new fic every day for 8 days, pushing the limits of my creativity and writing skill. I tagged each work with the event tag, allowing others to find it and the organizer to reblog it to the event blog, which lots of people were following. Many people saw and enjoyed my work as a result. I saw the work of numerous others and was inspired. I even gained my first artsy mutual (aside from my irl friends) because of this event, so this can also help you with building community! People organize art and writing events all the time, especially for fandoms. Seek these out and see how you can get involved!

Sometimes, creating can feel like thankless work. But that doesn't mean it has no value. If it meant something to you, it was important. And it may become important to someone else one day. Some of my works that flopped hardest on publication are the ones that still get the occasional note or AO3 comment here and there months and years later, because they appealed to very few people, but those few people are very excited on the rare occasion they find something that scratches the particular itch they have!

When I was in 7th grade, we read Summer of My German Soldier. I don't know that I'd recommend the book to anyone else; in truth I don't remember much from it, aside from the main character getting a bad perm. But one quote from that book has stuck with me my whole life. It led to me the understanding of creation as a powerful, almost sacred act, regardless of how many people view it. For "there is more nobility in building a chicken coop than in destroying a cathedral."

[ikeromantic]

Sending in request and lots of love ❤️ I rlly like you're writing and all those fics you've written!

Recently, I've just moved and are now starting a new fresh. The problem is, I'm leaving behind my friends whom i just started bonding for like, 5 months, but they've become more than my family. I still can't overcome the feeling of missing them and regretting my choice and I haven't told anyone abt these. So I've started doing some extra activities that reminds me of my old days with them, including the good memories and the bad ones. I have the confidence in overcoming my feelings, but I still couldn't shake off this feeling of anxiety, depression and loneliness. Like, everything I'm doing felt wrong. I'm still not sure who to vent to, and this could calm me a little.

I was hoping if your could do an Ikesen fic of how he would comfort me, bc the only time I could distract myself is when I'm reading abt my fav suitors. I'll understand if you won't write this, so pls don't get pressure.

Oh, and my comfort character is Kanetsugu btw. Mitsuhide is my husbando ^^

Awww! I hope you are doing ok. That's a lot to go through, especially this time of year. *hugs* I would love to write Kanetsugu for you but I don’t know him well enough yet. So I hope Mitsuhide will make you smile ^_^ Approx. 800 words

Mitsuhide looked over the wagons with interest. Everything they would need from his manor in Azuchi was packed now, along with the supplies they would need for their journey. It felt strange to know his life could fit into these wagons so neatly, as if he’d never been here. 

The only thing missing was his little mouse. She wasn’t near the wagons or anywhere in sight. 

He walked through the halls and rooms slowly, an odd sense of disconnection welling unexpectedly in his chest. There was nothing of him left here. Nothing of the life he now shared with the chatelaine. It was as if he’d never existed, as if his memories were mere wishful fictions. 

The intensity of the feeling surprised him. He had not thought to miss this place. 

As Mitsuhide turned a corner, he spotted his little one. She stood on a balcony overlooking the Azuchi castle courtyard. There were people moving around below. He spotted Masamune and Keiji joking with some soldiers. Mitsunari hurrying along with an armful of books. Hideyoshi helping a made carry kitchen supplies. 

She was watching them so intently that she didn’t notice Mitsuhide come up behind her. Tears slid down her cheeks, catching the afternoon sunlight. Her lips were pressed to a thin line, holding back any sound. 

It hurt him to see her like this. Not because she was sad, but that she tried to hide it from him. Refusing to share the burden. He knew it was one of the ways she tried to protect him - to guard his heart - but he wanted to be the one she could share anything with. Good and bad and all that lay between.

Mitsuhide put his arm around her as he came up to stand at her side. 

She didn’t say anything at first, just leaned against him. They stood like that for several moments more. Just watching the life below.

“I’m going to miss them all so much.” The words quietly punctured the silence, barely louder than a sigh.

“I will as well.” It surprised him to find that this was true. He’d always told himself the other warlords were co-workers. Tools to reach toward his ideals. Pawns. But . . . they were friends. People that had laid their marks across his heart. And he would miss seeing them each day.

She wrapped her arms around him, turning from the view to bury her face into the folds of his kimono. “I-it’s stupid to cry about it. I know.”

He held her tightly. “It is not.”

“B-but they are all going to be ok. W-we can visit. Write.”

“We can.”

“But it isn’t the same.” She wiped her at her face.

Mitsuhide pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “It won’t be.”

She sniffed. “That’s not very comforting.”

“Isn’t it?” He smiled as gently as he knew how. “Everything changes, little one.”

“Well. I don’t want it to.” She sighed. “What if we could just stay? Nobunaga would let us.”

Mitsuhide nodded. “He would. But then the life we could live together in Fukuchiyama will never happen.” He kissed her temple. “We can stay, if that is what you really want.”

“I . . . no . . . we already packed and - and everyone expects us to go.”

“None of that matters to me as much as you do.” 

She looked up again, meeting his eyes. 

He could see her emotions, the fear and anxiety, sadness for parting, excitement for new possibilities . . . this and more churned in the confines of her spirit. Mitsuhide held her tightly, knowing that she would take comfort from his touch more than his words.

“Sometimes I wish you would just tell me what I have to do.” She sighed. “But I’m glad, I guess, to have a say.”

“What will it be, little one? Shall we stay? Or are we going?”

His little mouse took a breath. “We should go. I know I will miss everyone here. All the friends I’ve made. The life we built in Azuchi. But . . . there will be good things in Fukuchiyama too. I hope.”

“And we will have each other, wherever we are.” Mitsuhide lifted her just enough to kiss her. A gentle, slow kiss that held all the love he had to give her. 

As the wagons left behind, Mitsuhide held tight to his lover’s hand. There would be sorrow, where they were going. But there would also be joy. They would face whatever came next together.

[thatblondeperson]

Hello. Longtime Tim and Steph fan who discovered your blog and I really enjoy your meta takes/askes on them. Concerning your recent ask I was curious as to why you think it was poorly written that Tim felt he couldn't explore himself with Steph and you are not a fan of how Meghan framed things as "Tim not being fully himself". I hope this isn't coming across as a complaint against Tim's current direction or anything given questions you have recieved come across as such.

I want to preface this, for anyone reading, that REMINDER! Tim at the very least has all his pre Ew52 memories. Please keep this in mind as Meghan seems to not have these memories.

My first issue is that it's a lack of attention to canon. The whole reason Tim started crushing on Steph was because she was someone that he felt like he could finally be himself with. He loved Ari, but he had to hide Robin from her, and that was a major block for him with her. It caused Ari to stray from him and even court other guys while they were dating.

With Steph, he couldn't be Tim per say, but to Tim, Robin was an extremely important extension of himself. When he was Robin with Steph, he was being fully himself, and he loved being with her for that reason.

Identity reveal being stolen by Bruce aside, at least after that we got to see the part of their relationship that I love, where we get to see them build this very lovely trust with one another. Tim and Steph share things with one another throughout their relationship that they don't share with others. They are both exploited by Bruce in ways that only they can understand, Tim may be the only person that Stephanie has openly shared her SA story with, they have a lot of pain they've processed together. They weren't always great with communication as they both have their own internal conflicts going on, but when they did open up, they were 100% with one another, and there was a very beautiful strength they both shared.

Let's not even get into Eternal and Rebirth. That's @incoherentbabblings jurisdiction but there is so much more evidence to both of their "I can be fully myself with you" dependence on one another.

This thing where Tim doesn't feel like he can be his full self with Steph either feels like a dismissal of canon, or that we are just rewriting the TimAri breakup which we very well could be doing. We're hitting the same points basically. And to say it's a dismissal of canon isn't crazy far off considering that Meghan says Steph was never trained by Batman which TIM AT LEAST IS VERY AWARE ISN'T TRUE. At least she mentions that Steph was trained by Canary and Cass but like...come on. Even Tim trained her. A LOT of people trained Steph and Bruce was a fairly important one in that mix.

The second reason this frustrates me is just the classic trope of "a guy can't be bisexual of he's in a relationship with a girl" bullshit that a lot of bi guys face. And of course women face this too. The biphobis of needing to be in a same sex relationship for people to recognize you as bi or even care that you're bi. It's the way the story is always told, and it gets exhausting after a while. Bi people typically aren't validated unless they've actually "tried" both, or are currently with a same sex partner. Will I always wonder what could have been if Tim came out as bi and still stayed in a relationship with Steph? Sure. Because it wouldn't have made his coming out any less valid, but I don't think media tends to share this sentiment.

I have answered asks about how trust is hard even with someone you've always loved and trusted, because peeling back another layer of yourself could change everything. I've mentioned how Tim probably felt that this was the right path for him, and it's clear that he is happy with Bernard and that this ch is good for him. I 100% believe that I'd he came out to Steph while still in a relationship with her, knowing her character, that she would be very accepting and they would have carried on just fine. (because also obvi she's bi too. bi4bi TimSteph when, DC?)

But I have to keep putting my view of the story through Tim's eyes and remember that love and trust and all that gooey stuff looks different to those experiencing it, and Tim's vision of his past and future relationships aren't going to be as clear as my vision of them.

I'm not thrilled that it's all taken this route, but I do understand it and I'm happy enough with it.

[cereal-before-milk]

BOYS RUN THE RIOT

✰ Genre: slice of life, drama, coming-of-age, psychological

✰ Demographic: seinen

✰ Editions: spanish, english, french

Ryo is a trans boy who has not told anyone, he is not even able to tell his best friend with whom he is in love. The protagonist has to carry the pressure of pretending to be someone he isn't every day, with the confusion and the fear of not being accepted, which even causes anxiety. But Ryo finds a safe place in fashion, as it helps him express himself and feel himself.

Jin is the new guy at school and he has a rude air, which no one seems to like very much. By chance Jin finds Ryo at one of his favorite stores and drags him along in their plan to create a clothing brand together.

It is a story about freedom, diversity, inclusion, finding your identity and breaking molds and expectations.

Although it may seem like a simple plot, it is not at all. To begin with, Ryo's mind is in constant chaos, he experiences anxiety and depression because he doesn't feel normal or that he fits in with society, he is not comfortable with his physique or his body, which makes him leave us with very intense scenes and makes us worry about his well-being and mental health.

Fashion here is a clear example that clothing helps us express ourselves as we really are and is even used to launch messages of criticism and freedom, which is what inspires the protagonist when making his t-shirt designs. Through his designs and graffiti, he tells his story and that of others, giving strength not only to himself, but to those who need it. It could even be a bit of a metaphor about a person's identity.

BRTR is also a clear example of real life, young boys with a goal that at times see it further than others. They realize that creating a brand is not an easy task and they are going to be disappointed more than once. And that reminds me of the ending. An ending that I've seen a bit criticized for being open-ended (Spoiler alert) and it does not make it clear to you if the boys achieve their goal of the brand succeeding or if it simply remains a high school hobby. From my point of view it is an ideal ending, which perfectly represents the topic of the uncertain future that we overthink so much in adolescence and sometimes in adulthood, not knowing what to do with your life, if you will succeed, if not, if you will what do you want, etc. Well, many of us, like the protagonists of this story, don't know and we cannot know what will happen, we simply live day to day with insecurities. I don't know if that was the mangaka's intention, but I really liked it.

✰ Some details that I found very cool and interesting are:

That the manga is full of characters that are a very good example of how to be a good ally, there are also LGBTQ characters and terms that are also defined, so if you want to learn a little more about the subject and inform yourself while you have fun reading a good story, this is your manga.

Another thing is that Keito Gaku to create BRTR contacted fashion experts and people who created their own brands, so that the experience of reading the manga would be more realistic.

And finally, the entire team that translated and edited the manga in the USA was made up entirely of Trans people.

✰KEITO GAKU,

the author of Boys Run The Riot, and Ryo, the protagonist, have quite a bit in common. They are both transgender boys. And it is that Ryo could be said that in many aspects and situations the reflection of the student Keito Gaku, since many of Keito's experiences can be found in the protagonist. For example, none of them liked to wear the uniform, it was a continual reminder of something they were not, so they always wore T-shirts or sweaters and tracksuit pants. Both were interested in basketball, a detail, which may not have much importance, is that the protagonist was asked to join the women's basketball team, but for Ryo that was a problem. Although for Keito it was also, he decided to play in the basketball team.

Gaku never came out of the closet during high school and he basically didn't need to. His closest circle of friends realized that he was trans because he felt uncomfortable with some things and also because of how he wore the uniform, so they began to treat him as him. Well, and despite the fact that he did not come out of the closet, he lived through situations very similar to Ryo's (let's not forget that the manga is full of personal experiences), his colleagues realized that he was not someone "normative", so there were people who he treated him normal, others rejected him and some, although they did not understand him, wanted to learn and improve as people, but he never suffered massive harassment for it. According to Gaku, the LGBT community is already very present on a day-to-day basis and it is no longer so common to be bullied for belonging to it, but people still have to empathize more. He speaks from personal experiences.

His dream since he was a child was to be a mangaka, although later with basketball he put it aside and it was not until he was 20 years old that he drew again. Gaku created up to four manga before officially debuting with the oneshot Bright, with which at the age of 22 he won Tetsuya Chiba's 77th Rookie Award in 2019. A year later, in January 2020, he would go to work on his first serialized manga, Boys Run the Riot, published in Weekly Young Magazine. He is currently working on another manga and is looking for assistants. I am curious to know if this one is also about transgender people, since for Gaku that is like his label and what has led him to gain popularity. By the way, a curiosity is that Keito Gaku whenever possible ensures that his team of assistants belongs to the LGBT community, especially looking for trans people, to give them visibility and support.

If you decide to read the manga at the end of the first volume you will find a very interesting short interview about the author.

✰BRIGHT

it was the oneshot with which Gaku debuted, and the truth is that to be such a short story it is very deep. We are reintroduced to a boy of heart and mind who was born in the body of a girl. This is the case of Maki, a trans boy who was not being accepted at his school, but finds refuge in the bar where he works part-time, where gender has no importance, and finally feels like himself. Until one day a classmate of his happens to visit the bar...

You can read the oneshot here, along with the rest of the winners of the 77th Tetsuya Chiba Award, completely free and legal, the only thing is that you have to know Japanese.

Despite being very short, it is a brilliant and interesting read, since in just one chapter you empathize with the situation of the protagonist. You see another perspective of life that a transgender person can lead, in this case because of the people around them. Since unlike in Boys Run the Riot, in Brigth Maki suffers more bullying at school for trying to be who he really is and it is terrible what he has to suffer, in addition to what he already carries with him. Although the way in which the protagonists feel about themselves is practically the same, both have hundreds of problems with their body and mind and the way in which the author narrates and draws it with so much reality that it makes for an unforgettable experience.

✰ Give support and love to the mangaka because I think he has a bright future and should not be missed.

[revelmaven]

🍉?

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

yeehaw. strap the fuck in. tw for eating disorder

in short: way more than i was prepared for it to. writing fic has always been about two degrees of separation from just keeping a diary for me, and the more i love a character the more likely it is i'll end up using them as a proxy through which to tell a story from my own life that i feel needs to be told.

im currently In The Process of writing a fic that i keep (semi) fondly referring to as an exorcism. the purpose of Communion is twofold: one, to explore what it might look like to commune with the god of death, and what sort of rituals might be necessary to become close to someone whose domain is That; and two, speaking openly about my own eating disorder (and, in later chapters, my experiences with self harm).

this is not something i particularly Delight in talking about. despite my general shock value open-bookedness, actually telling people what happened to me (what i did to myself) in that time is... not something i'd prefer to do. i'm still ashamed of a lot of what happened. i still feel stupid for a lot of the decisions i made, and i feel like people knowing that's something i indulged in will not take me seriously. i'm convinced i should've known better. should've done better. for a long time i had no patience and no grace for my younger self.

i only told, i think, three people that it was happening while it was happening, and only a handful more after it ended - and Nobody got the full story at Any point in the timeline. there were some things i kept my in fucked up little heart of hearts and vowed to die with.

and then. i didn't die. and i still couldn't tell anyone the depth of it - it didn't feel fair to tell anybody the Truth after the fact, not all of it - so instead a not-quite-year of my life got filed away and i have simply tried to avoid its gaze ever since. and the longer it went secret, the more its self-imposed taboo strengthened, and so increased the shame of having done it at all. and that's. i definitely carried and harboured (less so now but still do) a lot of resentment for myself. it was a dumb decision i'd made in my youth, among a myriad of others.

of course, you get older and you hopefully get better - or in my case you don't. i returned my body ostensibly to rights and it immediately fell apart, this time in a way that's seeming to be permanent. i inherited god-knows-what's-syndrome from my mum, and it didn't hit me until my early 20s when it hit her (just over a year into my recovery), and now i live with chronic pain. forever. the body i worked so hard to repair betrayed me ultimately. and i had to decide very quickly if i was going to be angry for the rest of my life, keep pushing myself beyond what i knew was healthy, forcing myself to limits no one in my condition could meet and further (which is arguably definitely a factor in getting me into this mess) - or if i was going to take care of my body, and respect it, even though it could not be fixed.

enter ashton.

i started writing for critical role with a migraine fic about ash a few months after c3 started. before that i'd been writing sanders sides and got pretty much no attention, so i assumed this would continue, posted without a care, and off i went.

and then Softness blew up. and suddenly there was demand. people liked hearing my story. other disabled and chronically-ill people were in my messages talking about how it resonated with them and how they adored my writing style, how i captured the feeling.

and i thought, fuck it. i've got stuff to work through. let's throw it out there.

so i started writing about kingsley, too. i started writing about what it's like not knowing who you are, especially when people, even people you consider family, seem to like you better for who you used to be, or who you remind them of. i started writing about trying to work out who you are. i started writing about nightmares.

something else came up, and i wrote Lucky - because, and if i were to make a tl;dr this would be it - it's easier for me to confront the things i need to about myself when done behind the abstraction of a blorbo.

so naturally we came around to Communion. and i thought, what the hell. maybe it's time to get this out. i'm not angry at myself anymore. enough time has passed and i have put enough grit and spit and effort into being kind to myself that i have sympathy for that kid finally. i look back on what happened, and i would break the world apart to save her from it.

this one is a lot more personal than the others. it was easier - is easier - to write about ashton because the pain is my companion now, whether we like each other or not, and it's something i've grown to have grace for. it's easier to write about kingsley because i've worked out who i am, and the hurt from that is a distant memory. it is not so easy to write about vax, and go through this again, because unlike the others this is Not something i have spoken openly about, and it's Not something i've completely come to terms with. this Is the coming to terms. and while i'm learning to have patience and kindness for that experience, putting the gorey details out where it can be judged and scrutinized by complete strangers is still terrifying. i am still afraid no one will take me seriously. i'm afraid people will see this as nothing more than a story, that i'll have people demanding i slice more of myself off more frequently than i can, that i'll get criticism for it being unrealistic or stupid, that its significance will be downplayed or ignored - laying my trauma naked like that in front of an audience i don't know is both freeing in its anonymity and absolutely shattering when it goes wrong. i'm lucky. the reception for Communion has been amazing in the majority. and getting it out there, having said it - again, it's not that this was something that Dragged At My Soul, as such. but i do find that when i sit down to write a particularly uncensored memory out, when i get back up there is a space where something Used to be, and is not anymore. it feels better.

in all my works, i'm hoping that i can show a younger person like me that the worst thing that can happen to you can happen, and you can still go on and find a good life with great people. you can lose yourself entirely in bad decisions, or tragedy, or what have you - and you can still walk out of that a little while later and start again. that message is as much for me now as it is for anyone else.

thank you for asking <3

still taking requests from this ask list

[cherrycheridarling]

tic-tac-toe | mcu

marvel cast x actress!reader

warnings: one swear, fluff, no plot

summary: you play aphrodite in the MCU and it's time for the press conference for infinity war. based off of this press conference

wc: 2.7k

"Tom Hiddleston!" Jeff Goldblum introduced the man who was sitting on your right.

Everyone applauded before Jeff moved onto you, "Y/N Y/L/N!" more applause rang through the room.

"Sebastian Stan!" you looked to your left where Sebastian waved to the crowd as you clapped with everyone else.

"Anthony Mackie!"

After Jeff finished with the introductions, he explained how the panel would work. He would pull a ping pong ball out of a container and it would either have a name or category. The audience would be able to ask a question to that person or a person in that category after Jeff called on them.

As he pulled RDJ's name out of the container, Tom leaned over towards you.

"Does your water taste funny, too?" he whispered making you stifle a laugh.

You nodded, "Kind of like lemon, right?"

He shook his head, "Mine tastes like mint. Can I taste yours?" he held his hand out as you passed him your water bottle. He took a sip and spent a moment analyzing the taste, "Yours does taste like lemon! Why does mine taste different? Here." he passed you his water.

You took a sip and were hit with a strong mint flavour, "Woah. I think they're trying to drug you." you joked making him laugh.

"As I am answering this question, Tom Hiddleston and Y/N Y/L/N are discussing the flavours of the water behind me." Robert exposed you and Tom to the audience making the room burst out into laughter.

"They have fancy water. Mint and lemon." Tom spoke into a mic drawing more laughs. "Sorry. Carry on!"

As Jeff pulled the next name, you adjusted your dress. A white, long sleeve, blazer dress with gold buttons down the middle, the dress ended mid-thigh. The v-neck cut showcased your subtle gold necklace. Black stiletto heels covered your feet.

You unconsciously began bouncing your leg up and down in a fast motion. Sebastian placed a hand on your thigh, stopping your movements, "You're gonna drill a hole through the floor, Y/L/N." he chuckled.

"Sorry." you laughed quietly.

Sebastian pulled out a notepad and pen, "You need a distraction. Tic-tac-toe?" he offered.

You smiled with a nod before making your move.

"You absolutely suck at this." you chuckled as you won the third game in a row.

Sebastian scoffed, "You can't suck at tic-tac-toe."

"And yet, you do." you smirked.

He rolled his eyes playfully before you continued playing.

After two more rounds, your attention was back on Jeff as he pulled a new ping pong ball. "Ooh! You can ask a God or Goddess." Jeff announced, "So, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Hemsworth or Y/N Y/L/N." he reminded the crowd, "Okay, yes, you!" he picked a woman in the front row.

"Hi, I'm Alexis with Forbes. My question is for Y/N." the room applauded as Jeff tossed the ping pong ball at you and you caught it with one hand.

"See, Robert! It's not that hard!" Jeff exclaimed making everyone laugh.

"Screw off, Goldblum! You chucked that shit at my head." Robert joked back. "Sorry, Alexis, go ahead."

"Um, I wanted to ask about Aphrodite's powers. We all know that she is the Goddess of Love and can seduce anyone with her beauty. We see in the trailer a small clip of her seducing men. How many people did you seduce in the film and were there any funny moments filming those scenes that you can share?"

Her question drew a mix of reactions from the cast. Some laughed, some furrowed their eyebrows and others were just confused. You took in the question before opening your mouth to reply, until you remembered that you weren't wearing a body mic. The cast laughed again before Sebastian passed you a mic.

"Sorry. Um, how many people did I seduce in the film? None." you stated drawing more laughs, "How many people did Aphrodite seduce? All of them." you chuckled, "I'm kidding. Although, I'm not sure what I can share because I don't know what's in the trailer." you confessed, "Kevin, Joe, Anthony, what's in the trailer?" you asked them making everyone laugh again.

Kevin picked up a mic, "I believe it's you seducing Spider-Man, Starlord, Drax and Iron Man."

You nodded, "I do have a funny moment that I'm sure Mister Holland will kill me for sharing, but it's too good to not tell." you smiled thinking of the memory.

Tom immediately grabbed a mic, "You wouldn't!" he exclaimed making the audience and cast laugh.

"I would," you retorted, "We were shooting that scene and, as you know, they have to act like they are falling in love with me. Like I'm putting them in a trance. Well, Tom took that a bit too seriously." you paused at the laughter that your sentence caused, "They're all on their knees in front of me, looking at me as if I'm their queen, because I am." you joked, "And then Anthony calls 'cut' and Dave, Chris and RDJ all get up and start chatting, but as I'm turning away, Tom doesn't move. Still on his knees, looking at me as if I hold the world in my hands." the room filled with amused laughs and chuckles as Tom covered his face with his hands.

"No, it was so bad because I just looked like a creep that couldn't stop staring at her!" Tom laughed at himself.

Robert grabbed a mic, "Very true. I was watching and it honestly had me convinced that Y/N had real powers."

"I have to say, I understand the kid's reaction. Y/N's costume for Aphrodite and the way they transform her only enhances how gorgeous she already is." Anthony Mackie spoke up causing the crowd to gush and clap, "I'm pretty sure we all had the same reaction when we first saw her while filming Civil War." he looked around as the cast nodded.

Scarlett picked up a mic, "Yeah. I remember her walking on set in this stunning white dress which made me extremely jealous," she confessed, "Because, one, it's so gorgeous and she looks absolutely amazing in it," the crowd and cast applauded again, "And two, it's made of the softest silk while my suit is leather and spandex!" everyone laughed at her comment.

Benedict picked up his mic, "Although, it wasn't Tom's first time seeing Y/N as Aphrodite. He was in Civil War and still could not contain himself." he teased making the audience and cast laugh again.

Robert spoke again, "Yeah, he did that during the filming of Civil War, too." the room hollered with laughs.

Tom's face was bright red, "I'm just a very committed actor. I really give all of myself to my work." his comment drew more laughs.

"That's why Sebastian despises Tom. It all started when Tom couldn't take his eyes off of Y/N." Chris Hemsworth added making everyone double over in laughter.

"I feel so loved," you held a hand to your heart as the room chuckled, "These are genuinely the best people in the world and I guess you could say I seduced one person during filming." you joked as the crowd continued to laugh, "Sorry, Tom. I'll buy you some juice, don't be mad." Anthony and Benedict laughed loudly. "Thank you for your question!" you thanked the lady as the cast clapped before Jeff picked out the next ping pong ball.

Next was Scarlett. You sat back and silently judged the man who asked about fashion. Scoffing with Sebastian at his question and laughing at Scarlett's sarcastic and witty responses.

Sebastian leaned over again, "I have to piss."

You stifled a laugh at his abrupt confession, "Go to the washroom, then." you nodded your head towards the exit.

"We're not allowed to leave." he frowned.

You chuckled and reached over, patting his thigh with your hand, "Don't piss yourself."

He rolled his eyes playfully before Jeff called out the next name.

"Anthony Mackie!"

"Hi, I'm Tiffany with Times Magazine. With such a star studded cast, do you find it difficult or any obstacles in developing your character with all theses amazing stories being told and struggling for screen time? Like, are there any obstacles or special difficulties or is it all just amazing?"

Before Anthony could answer, Joe Russo picked up his mic, "Are you asking Anthony Mackie if he has a hard time getting attention?" his comment caused the whole room to erupt in laughs.

Anthony nodded slowly as the laughter died down, "Touché, touché. Uh, well, Tiffany, a wise man once said that some men need an hour to make their presence felt and some need thirty seconds." there was an uproar of laughter and hollering at his comment as he dramatically dropped the mic on the table.

"Who are we asking next?" Jeff squinted at the ping pong ball, "Ooh! Back to the Goddess of Love herself, Y/N Y/L/N!" the room applauded for you as Jeff threw the ball to you.

Sebastian intercepted the toss and caught the ball himself with a smug smirk. You rolled your eyes, but smiled as Jeff picked a lady out of the dozens who had raised their hand.

"Hi, I'm Amy with Esquire and I wanted to ask about the relationship between Bucky and Aphrodite. We see in the previous films their awkward tension from their past history. They have a very special romance and their love story is a fan favourite in the Marvel fandom. What was it like building that bond and relationship on screen? And what do you think of the choice to match the two characters together, how did you react when you found out? Did the pairing of the two help build your bond off screen?"

Jeff spoke again, "I said 'one question', that was at least twenty." he teased the lady drawing laughs from the room.

You chuckled and nodded slowly as the laughter died down, "Excellent questions. Umm, I honestly really like the pairing of the two. I think it gives a great dynamic to both characters and reveals sides of them that we never would've seen without their relationship. It's a very 'good girl falling for the bad guy' trope. And if I'm being honest, I've always wanted that." you confessed causing the room to chuckle, "Their relationship is, without a doubt, one of the most complicated ones in the MCU, but I think that's what makes it so loved by the fans since there's not a dull moment between the two. It's nice to see Bucky have a sentimental side, in his own awkward way of course. And you get to see Aphrodite fall for someone who's not a God or a Titan." you turned to Sebastian, "What do you think?"

You offered him the mic, but he didn't take it, letting you hold it up for him, "Yeah, I agree. I never thought Bucky would have a love interest, if I'm being honest. But I'm glad he does because Aphrodite brings out the soft side in him and he brings out the fighter in her. They really balance each other out and Y/N portrays the character in such a unique way, it really brings a whole new fresh persona to Aphrodite and it's amazing having her as a partner on screen." the audience applauded at his words, "When I first found out about Bucky having her as his love interest—"

"—He called me screaming about how hyped he was." Anthony Mackie cut him off making the room laugh. "Anthony! Anthony! Bucky is gonna be with Aphrodite! That's gonna be sick!" Anthony mocked his voice as you were hunched over with laughter.

Sebastian nodded with a smile, "I did. Won't lie, I did. It's a really refreshing relationship and I'm glad that the fans love it as much as I love playing it. Back to you, you haven't talked about the development and our bond." he gave you a lopsided grin.

You chuckled, "I feel like I'm rambling, but yeah. Their development is definitely," you paused, trying to find the right words, "A development?" you settled on drawing more laughter. "Well, as I said, it's very complicated, but awkwardly adorable at times. Since Seb complimented me, I feel obligated to say something nice about him," you joked making them laugh again, "Kidding. He really does play Bucky with such passion and commitment, it's truly inspiring. And working with someone who loves what they do as much as Seb, it definitely motivates you tremendously and yeah. Um, I won't lie, I honestly was dreading working with Seb," you confessed drawing laughs and a gasp from Sebastian.

"Why?!" he exclaimed making you laugh.

You sighed, "Not because I think you're a bad person or anything, but you come off as very intimidating to people who don't know you very well. And I knew nothing about you before filming other than the films you'd already done, so you scared me." your confession caused everyone to laugh loudly.

Sebastian smirked jokingly, "I am extremely frightening. I understand." he shrugged.

You scoffed with a laugh, "I caught you sleeping with a stuffed turtle and whale noises playing." the room roared with laughter again, "That's when I knew you were a big softy."

Sebastian rolled his eyes playfully, "She's joking. I am the toughest man alive." he deepened his voice.

You shook your head with a chuckle, "Sure. Thank you for your questions." the room clapped for you as you set the mic down and relaxed back into your seat.

"Nailed it." Sebastian held a hand out for a high five and you chuckled before hitting your hand against his.

For the rest of the press conference, you sat back and listened to your friends answer questions. Laughed at jokes made and clapped when appropriate. Small tic-tac-toe games went on between you and Sebastian. Your attention was fully on your nails when Tom Hiddleston got called on.

"Hi, I'm Samantha with Daily Mail and I was wondering, since Loki is a very closed off and mysterious character, we never explore the aspect of him having a love interest. So, if you could choose anyone from the MCU for Loki to end up with, who would it be and why?"

You turned to look at Tom as he pondered on the question, crossing his arms and rubbing his chin, "Very good question. Umm, who would I choose for Loki? Let's see," he paused again and looked around the room until his eyes landed on you, "Ah, I'd steal Aphrodite from Bucky." he answered making the room laugh and Sebastian chuckled with a nod.

"Why Aphrodite?" Jeff asked.

Tom chuckled again, "Well, it's Aphrodite." he simply answered drawing more laughs, "They are so different yet similar in so many ways. Loki is never fully evil nor fully good, but I think Aphrodite has the best chance of turning him good. And who wouldn't want to end up with the Goddess of Love?"

The cast nodded understandingly before Chris Pratt grabbed a mic, "If you were to ask any person on this stage that same question, I guarantee the answer would be Aphrodite." the whole cast nodded.

"They're all trying to steal Sebastian's woman." Jeff teased.

Sebastian scoffed jokingly, "They're all jealous." he wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

You chuckled with a shake of your head before Robert spoke up, "Adding onto the conversation. Miss Y/L/N, who would you want Aphrodite to end up with?" his question drew excited reactions from the crowd.

You let out a bark of laughter before looking from Tom to Sebastian, "Hmm, excellent question, Mister Downey." you rubbed your chin, "Stop doing that, Holland." you chuckled as you saw Tom point at himself in the corner of your eye.

He raised his hands in surrender before Anthony Mackie spoke up, "Spidey is five years old, kid." everyone laughed at that.

"I'd have to stick with Bucky. He is her true love." you shrugged as the crowd cheered.

Sebastian smirked from beside you as the men of the cast faked disappointment.

As the panel came to a close, you looked around at the family you were surrounded by. Friends you love more than anything. Hundreds of memories with the most amazing people you'd ever met. Your home.

[just-another-blog-of-fluff]

To Have and to Hold

Word count: 19,200

Pairing: Loki x f!reader (pre-dating)

Warnings: angst, sexual innuendos/humor (but SFW), drinking of alcohol (no drunkenness), kissing, the old 'there's only one bed' trope, marriage (but not reader's), Jessa's attempt at writing in original characters

Here it is - my 100th fic posted! It's hard to believe I've posted that many 😅 Thank you all for continuing to read my ramblings and for enjoying my work!

The plot for this was inspired by real-life recent events (although the specifics are all fictional.) I'm sure many people have had a friend who became a bit... challenging while planning a wedding. I wondered how such a scenario might work if Loki were to have to come as the wedding date 😉 When I started writing it, I decided I wanted to write in a reader with enhanced abilities for a change, and I sort of got carried away from there...

I hope you enjoy! It was a lot of fun to write 💚

As an Avenger, you'd fought against a host of villainous creatures. But of all the monsters you’d faced, the 'Bridezilla' was truly the most fearful you'd encountered thus far.

It had taken up residence in your best friend’s body like a parasite, feeding off her emotions and stress and growing stronger with each passing day. There was no defeating this monster - defeat would surely mean a lost friendship. Fortunately, the Bridezilla’s days were numbered. You just had to survive it’s fury for the next two weeks.

And then came the phone call that put you directly in the center of the Bridezilla’s target.

"Don't be mad, but... I can't come to the wedding with you anymore."

"... What do you mean?"

"I got assigned to go to a work conference that week. I tried to get out of it, but the boss isn't hearing it."

Your heart sank. Derek was your only guy friend that you felt comfortable taking as a date to weddings. There was absolutely no pressure with him, no worry that you might get caught up in the romance of the evening. Mostly because he wasn't interested in women. But, also, because he'd been one of your best friends since you were kids.

"I'm so, so sorry. I know this was important to you-"

"No, Derek, it's ok! I'll just go by myself, its not like I don't know anyone there. You can't make your boss mad again..."

"Don't remind me." He laughed on the other end of the phone, and you smiled despite yourself. "We'll get together soon, though, ok?"

"Ok. I'll hold you to it."

You sighed heavily as you hung up the phone, letting your head flop back against your mattress in exasperation. The wedding was only two weeks away; you'd already RSVP'd for two, and you just knew your friend was going to freak out when you told her you were going alone. You loved her dearly, honestly, but over the last couple of months a monster had emerged from deep within her.

Allowing yourself a moment of peace, you finally picked your phone back up and dialed your friend's number, ready to get this painful conversation over with.

"What?? No. No, you can't," she stammered into the phone. You could envision her running her fingers through her hair in a frenzied panic. "You RSVP'd for TWO people. If you go alone, there will be an EMPTY chair. I can-NOT have an empty chair at the BRIDAL PARTY TABLE!"

"I'm sorry, Leah! I'm not going to make Derek get in trouble with his boss. What am I supposed to do?"

"Find. Someone. Else."

You laughed humorlessly. "Someone else? Leah, have you met me? I don't exactly have a whole list of guys to go down that might come to a wedding with me in the Bahamas."

"Then bring a woman."

"Not the point."

Leah huffed into the phone. "Look - I don't care who it is, but you have to bring someone. Bring another friend, bring a coworker, a family member... whatever. But there will NOT be an empty chair at my bridal party table!"

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration. Part of you was desperate for this wedding to be over - as happy as you were for Leah, you just wanted your laid-back friend back.

"Alright. I'll ask around."

"Thank you!" she exclaimed, suddenly flipping a switch and becoming her friendly self again. You had pacified the Bridezilla for now. "Can't wait to see you!"

"You too," you responded with feigned enthusiasm.

You'd thought that phone call would be the most difficult part of your day, but the real challenge was just beginning. Who could you convince to come with you to this destination wedding on two weeks' notice?

Before even considering approaching anyone, you sought out Wanda for advice that evening.

The connection between you and Wanda had developed almost instantly after you joined the Avengers. She was the only person who could truly understand your past experiences. Not that the others were insensitive. It was one thing to hear you speak about your traumatic past, but to have someone who had lived through it made your burden much easier to bear.

Before Wanda and her twin brother had volunteered for HYDRA's experiments, you had been selected as one of the civilian guinea pigs on whom they would test the powers of the scepter, and consequently, the mind stone. Most of the other civilians who were subjected to its power were killed in the process. You had lasted longer than most of them, enduring painful periods of exposure to the scepter but never for long enough for it to kill you as it had the other test subjects. They'd hoped that gradual increases in exposure might make you immune to the inevitable demise that met every subject that came before you.

During the final experiment, you were locked in the room with the scepter, cowering and awaiting your judgement. As it had with so many others, it unleashed a burst of power that knocked you to the floor. You were barely breathing, but somehow, you managed to survive. However, your vital signs were nearly undetectable.

HYDRA assumed you'd perish like the others and tossed you unceremoniously into an unlocked cell, awaiting your eventual death. Something sparked inside you, then - an innate survival instinct that triggered a sudden burst of power from within. You practically glowed with the energy radiating from your skin, a strength building that you'd never known before. As the radical energy surged inside you, so followed a powerful rage that flared beyond your control. Most of the events that followed were a blur in your mind as that blinding fury consumed you. You managed to escape the HYDRA facility without any assistance, striking down anyone who dared get in your way. By the time you'd made it to safety, you collapsed from the sheer exhaustion of expending so much energy all at once.

When you awoke, you were on the Avengers helicarrier, lying on a stretcher within their med bay. You'd been unconscious for three days. Fortunately, they'd received intel that there was a superhuman being who'd managed to flee from HYDRA's captivity, and they'd come looking for you. Better to have you on the right side of good and evil, they'd decided.

And so, you joined the ranks of SHIELD and became an Avenger.

It was rare that you exerted the full extent of your powers. At baseline, you did have heightened senses and slightly enhanced strength, which made you a formidable opponent. On the few occasions you did let loose the full force of your abilities, you'd completely lost control. The first time, it had taken three Avengers to restrain you until you expended the swell of energy and collapsed. The next time, they were more prepared - injecting you with a tranquilizer intended for much larger beings and locking you away in a high security cell until the episode was over.

You'd been working closely with Wanda to try to gain control over your powers, and you'd made some progress thus far, but you were still too fearful to completely unleash the chaos inside of you intentionally. Even on Wanda, who had proven already that her powers were enough of a match for your own that she could defend herself while talking you down.

Naturally, she was the only person you felt comfortable talking to about some of the more personal issues that came along with your abilities. On the field, you were confident, unshakable, as long as you kept your cool. But during your down time, you just didn't know how to relax anymore. None of your friends outside of the Avengers knew about your enhanced abilities. You lived in constant fear that someone might find out about them; or, worse - that you might injure someone you cared about in one of your rage fits. Though Wanda thought you were too hard on yourself, she understood how you felt. You could go to her for consolation and advice, and she provided a calming presence to ease your worry.

Above all, you resolutely refused to get involved in a romantic relationship. There was far too much risk to anyone who chose to be your partner - if HYDRA ever came looking for you, they could easily capture someone you loved to use them against you. Or - just as you often worried about with your friends - you, yourself, could harm them mistakenly should your powers be set off accidentally. You'd decided it was best that you kept your head down and focused on your work.

"Who the hell am I going to get to come with me on a four-day trip to attend a wedding for a couple they don't even know??" you groaned, flopping melodramatically back against the sofa cushions. Wanda set a glass of wine out in front of you on the table wordlessly, and you sat back up with an appreciative half-smile.

"She really won't let you come without a date?" Wanda asked incredulously as she took her own seat beside you, setting her glass on the table.

"I mean, I doubt she'd bar me from coming to the wedding if I came alone, but I'd never hear the end of it..." You took a sip from your glass, closing your eyes as the acidic fruity flavor washed over your tongue. "And as crazy as she's been, she is still one of my best friends. I want her wedding to be everything she's dreamed it would be. Even if her demands are a bit..."

"Outrageous?" Wanda finished for you.

"I was going to say 'unorthodox,' but yeah, that about sums it up." You turned toward Wanda a bit more, fiddling with the rim of your glass absently. "You sure you can't just come as my date?"

"You know I would, but that charity event is the same night."

"Oh, that's right. Damn." You'd forgotten there would be a fundraiser that evening, hosted by none other than Tony Stark. Most of the team was going to be in attendance in an attempt to increase ticket sales to the general public, and the few that weren't attending needed to be on standby to save the world. 'Evil doesn't wait until it's convenient,' Steve would insist. "Ugh. That limits the pool of people available for me to ask even more."

"Sorry," Wanda lamented, placing a comforting hand on your knee. She pondered for a moment. "What about that new lab tech Bruce hired?"

"Larry? Hell no - he doesn't stop talking. EVER. I am NOT spending four days with him.”

"Right. Fair point." She took a sip of wine, then made an ah-ha noise in the back of her throat before swallowing it. "Oh! What about the senior SHIELD recruit? He's definitely had his eye on you."

"Kyle isn't my type."

"No one is your type."

"Yeah, but he's definitely not my type. He's incredibly condescending. I've seen him talking down to his trainees. He's a world-class jerk."

"Are you sure you aren't just making excuses because you don't want to date someone?" Wanda asked skeptically.

"No..." You sighed. "You know how I feel about dating. It would be irresponsible of me. But even if I did want to date someone, Kyle would not be that person."

"Well... there's always Loki." She flashed you a sly smirk. You felt your cheeks start to burn at the suggestion.

"Wanda! You know I can't ask him."

"Why not? You two are friends, you clearly like being around him... what would keep you from asking him to come with you?"

"I... Wanda, you know what the implications of that would be!"

"What, that your date backed out last minute and you need a friend to fill in to prevent Bridezilla from biting your head off?" Her smirk only grew as your mouth opened and closed, helplessly at a loss for words. "Seems to me it would be the perfect solution to your problem."

"What if he gets the wrong idea?"

"What, that you like him?"

"Yes. That."

Wanda placed her hand on yours where it rested on the sofa. "You're allowed to be happy, you know. I wish you'd stop punishing yourself."

"I'm not punishing myself. I'm being practical."

"Ok. Let's take it from a practical standpoint, then. Loki is from Asgard, he's a god with magic powers. If your concern is hurting him, I don't think you need to be too worried about it."

She had a point. His powers were likely at least an even match for yours, though you were afraid to test that theory. But that was only part of what was truly holding you back.

You did like Loki. A lot. Too much, actually. He was a good friend, one of the few others in the tower who had an inkling of an understanding of what you'd gone through. He, too, had experienced the effects of the mind stone, and the control it had exerted over him had turned him into a monster. In some sense, it had done the same to you - just not quite as obviously as it did for him.

But that wasn't the reason you'd developed feelings for him. He was witty, sarcastic, knowledgeable... He wore a regal confidence that was extremely attractive to you, but without the condescending nature that you hated in people like Kyle the SHIELD recruit. And he made you laugh - gods he made you laugh. Even when you didn't want to, he managed to find a way to draw a bit of laughter from you, and instantaneously you'd feel so much better.

Allowing yourself to fall in love with Loki would only give you something to lose. Something that could be used against you if an enemy decided you deserved it. And worse - it would give him something to lose if anything ever happened to you. You couldn't let yourself fall completely for him, because the fear of losing him or hurting him had a choke hold on you. So, you'd convinced yourself that falling in love would only be an unnecessary distraction from your work. Loki could be a friend, and nothing more.

"Why don't you just explain to him what happened? Then he'll know this isn't intended to be a 'date' in the romantic sense," Wanda suggested.

"Well... he does owe me a pretty big favor."

"Perfect. Tell him you're cashing in."

"Ugh... fine. But only because I can't think of anyone else who will be free that I'd be able to tolerate for four days." You propped your feet up on the table in front of you and leaned back against the sofa cushions. "I'll talk to him tomorrow. Right now, I need to finish this glass of wine and talk about how I regret my life choices."

"Cheers to that," Wanda laughed, clinking her glass against yours.

You changed the subject after that, asking about how Wanda's relationship with Vision had been going. Still, the thought of asking Loki to go to this wedding was stuck in the forefront of your mind. It was a huge ask - being in your friend's bridal party, you had a number of extra responsibilities over the course of the few days you'd be spending in the Bahamas, and inevitably he'd have to do a lot of socializing. Not to mention, you couldn't imagine a Frost Giant would be overly keen on the tropics. Not that the subject had ever come up in conversation.

By the next morning, you'd nearly psyched yourself out of asking him. You couldn't possibly subject him to such a torturous experience just so you would have someone to fill the empty seat at your table.

Unfortunately, Wanda had picked up on your reluctance. The moment Loki entered the kitchen where the two of you were having coffee, she spoke up before you could even say 'good morning.'

"Oh, perfect timing! I'll leave you two alone so you can talk to Loki," Wanda exclaimed, leaping to her feet. You shot her a glare as she grinned at you before turning and walking out of the room, brushing past a rather confused-looking God of Mischief.

"Talk to me about what?" he asked, a hint of concern in his tone. You took a breath, putting on your tough façade to hide the nervousness.

"You remember that time that I let you tag along on my mission to Mexico, just so you could escape your brother when he was going through that sappy romance movie phase of his?"

Loki winced at the memory. "Yes, I remember it rather clearly."

"You remember you said you owed me one?"

"Yes...?"

"I'm cashing in."

Loki wore an expression of curious skepticism, crossing the room to sit down in the chair that Wanda had so swiftly vacated upon his arrival. "I'm listening."

"Yesterday, I got a call from my friend telling me he could no longer come to the wedding I'm going to in a couple weeks." You paused for a breath, and Loki's eyebrows shot up as he tilted his head, urging you silently to continue. "So I called my friend who's getting married, and she freaked out about having an empty chair at the bridal party table."

At this point, you assumed Loki would have figured out where you were going with this. If he did, he showed no sign of it.

"Go on," he prompted.

"Ok... that leads me to my request. I'm asking if you would be willing to take his place."

Loki was silent for a moment. He didn't appear disgusted, at least, but he didn't exactly seem overly thrilled about the prospect either.

"What are the terms of the agreement?" he asked finally.

"Well... you'd come with me to the Bahamas for the wedding, attend the rehearsal dinner and the wedding with me... try your hardest not to make fun of the wedding festivities in front of the bride... that's about it, I think. You'd get a free three-night stay in a fancy hotel, if that's any consolation."

"I see." Loki fell silent again, and the excuses began bubbling up in your throat, your stern façade dropping just as quickly as you'd turned it on.

"I'm, er, not saying you have to go. I know it's a big ask, and probably an unfair one at that... and you won't know anyone else there, so if you feel like it might be too awkward..."

"Darling, when have you known me to appear awkward when schmoozing with strangers?" A slight grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. "They don't call me silver-tongued for nothing."

"Alright, but still. I'm not forcing you to go. Just making that clear."

Loki chuckled. "As if you could force me to do anything."

"Hey! You've never been on the other end of one of my rage fits," you retorted, a grin overtaking your face. He was teasing you, which made this all feel much less uncomfortable. You were used to him teasing you. "I need an answer - if you say no, I've got to go ask Larry the chatterbox, and I'm really hoping to avoid that."

"Oh, dear. You should have led with that. Of course I'll go - I won't subject you to that dull lab rat."

You nearly leapt out of your chair, managing to rein in your excitement at the last moment and instead smile brightly at your companion. "Thank you so much! You've no idea how much this means to me!"

"Does this mean you owe me a debt now instead?" he asked with a smirk.

"Depends on how you perform as a wedding date," you teased, winking at him. With a shake of his head, he stood and headed over to the stove to heat some water for his tea - the real reason he'd walked into the kitchen in the first place, as he reminded you with feigned annoyance.

The two weeks that led up to the date of your departure were somewhat of a blur. You were grappling back and forth between the insuppressible elation of having Loki coming with you on this trip and the stubborn resolve that you weren't going to allow this to make you fall for him. By the time the pair of you were leaving for the airport two weeks later, you had convinced yourself you were more than capable of handling this situation without allowing your feelings to get the best of you.

You claimed the window seat the moment you boarded the plane, getting yourself settled as Loki dropped into the seat beside you.

"Have you ever flown on a commercial plane before?" you asked as he buckled his seatbelt across his lap.

"It's been a few decades, but yes, I did once."

"Really?" His answer surprised you. You'd always assumed he simply traveled by bifrost everywhere - what need did he have for Midgardian travel? "Where were you going?"

A slow smirk spread across his face, piquing your curiosity. "Nowhere in particular." You tilted your head in confusion, prompting him to continue. "Have you ever heard of the infamous D.B. Cooper?"

"I have... wait- no. No WAY were you... seriously??" Your jaw dropped open as Loki nodded, his self-assured smirk widening. "You devil!"

"Hehey, it wasn't my decision! I lost a bet to my dear brother," he insisted, chuckling as you shoved his shoulder playfully.

"Still! I can't believe that was you!"

"Why so surprised? I always have enjoyed a bit of mischief."

"Yes, but this is an unsolved American mystery! You've fooled an entire nation!"

"That's nothing."

Loki proceeded to tell you about his mischievous endeavors in his younger years as the plane took off and set course to your destination. You listened intently, laughing at his wild tales. This felt normal to you, this chatter and joking and laughter had always been a part of your friendship. It helped take your mind off the fact that you were about to spend the next four days in Loki's company, without allowing yourself to succumb to your feelings.

A thought that only became more blatantly obvious when the two of you finally made it into the hotel room you'd be staying in for the next three nights.

You cursed under your breath when your gaze landed on the solitary bed in the room. One bed. Of course. The room itself was nice, with beachy wicker-style furniture and sage green walls, all very tropical. A set of double doors on the far wall led out to a small patio area on the beach, and a single door on the wall to your left opened into the bathroom.

"I'll talk to the woman at the front desk," you mumbled, trying not to catch Loki's eye as you left your bag by the side of the bed unopened. "They must have a room with two beds."

"Alright." His response was nonchalant, noncommittal. Clearly he wasn't as mortified as you felt internally. Then again, he wasn't the one trying to suppress feelings for the other person sleeping in this room.

You ducked out of the room and made a quick stop at the check-in desk, where the concierge informed you that, unfortunately, all the rooms had been booked. Sighing defeatedly, you made your way back to the room, finding Loki already stretched out on top of the bed with a book in his hand. Frankly, you were too flustered to work out sleeping arrangements at the moment; fortunately, your friend had you on a tight schedule.

"The other rooms are all booked. We can figure this out later - I've got to get ready to meet up with the bridal party. There's a sort of 'meet and greet' gathering tonight." You busied yourself sifting through your suitcase in search of a suitable outfit for the evening, mostly so you had an excuse not to look at Loki. A soft thumping sound told you he'd shut his book, and a shifting of the mattress clued you into his movement. Risking a glance, you looked up to find Loki leaning over the edge of the bed, staring down at you inquisitively.

"Should I be planning to join you?"

Taken aback by his question, especially given how he'd asked without a shred of reluctance or irritation in his tone, you paused in your scrounging through your belongings.

"I wasn't planning to force you to come," you responded. "You're already doing enough by coming to the wedding with me, you don't have to feel obligated to attend every one of these pre-wedding events."

"Would your friend Derek have attended?"

"Well... probably, yeah, but-"

"Then it's settled. I will accompany you this evening."

"Are you sure? It's going to be a lot of... well, socializing."

Loki chuckled a little, a smirk pulling at his lips. "While I clearly don't enjoy 'socializing' with my brother and his exceedingly upbeat companions, I am partial to casual parties. I attended quite a number of them on Asgard."

"Oh, really?"

"Why the tone of surprise? I am a prince after all." His smirk grew wider. "I am an exemplary social companion. You should consider yourself lucky."

"Wow. I'm pretty sure I just saw your head grow three sizes larger!" you jested, rolling your eyes with a grin.

After a quick change of clothes, you found yourself on your way to the outdoor hotel bar with Loki at your side. Already, many of the member of the wedding party had arrived and were mingling with drinks in hand. The moment the bride caught sight of you, she hurried over to wrap you in a hug in greeting.

"I'm so happy to see you!!" she exclaimed, releasing you with a huge smile on her face. Her eyes flitted over to Loki for a moment, then widened as she glanced back to you. "And you brought a date!"

"Yes, this is Loki. He's a... friend from work," you explained, cringing inwardly at your awkwardness. Fortunately, Loki took over from there - holding out his hand to accept a handshake from Leah.

"A pleasure to meet you. I've heard quite a bit about you."

"Oh? All good things, I hope!" Leah laughed.

"Oh, most certainly."

"Well, I look forward to hearing more about you - but I have to find my lovely fiancé... I know they're around somewhere." She grinned at you once more before scurrying off into the crowd.

"You liar - I barely talk about my friends outside of the Avengers," you whispered, trying to suppress an amused smile. Loki shrugged.

"I did tell you I've been said to have a silver tongue. That doesn't mean everything I say is true."

"Oh really? Well, how often are you lying to me, then, with that 'silver tongue' of yours?" you asked, half teasing but half genuinely curious.

"Now, what would I have to lie to you about?" He winked, a ghost of a smirk playing at his lips that had your face feeling warm. "Would you care for a drink, darling?"

"Yes, please." You were more than ready to grab something from the bar, hopefully to cool the heat in your cheeks before Loki started to notice.

Loki was, surprisingly, quite the gentleman; he asked you what you planned to have to drink, then ordered it for you along with his own. Not that any Midgardian liquor would even come close to making him feel its effects, but he did enjoy the taste of a decent quality malt.

You couldn't recall the last time you'd spent more than five minutes at a social gathering that wasn't somehow related to a mission. To say you were feeling a bit rusty at the whole 'making conversation with semi-acquaintances, semi-strangers' thing was an understatement. And yet, Loki made it look so easy, so effortless to strike up conversation. Once you'd started to sip your drink and ease yourself into socializing, you began to become a bit more relaxed, feeding off Loki's social energy.

That is, until you were asked 'the question' for the first of many times.

"So... how did you two meet?"

"Huh?"

You'd only been half-paying attention, while the other half of your mind seemed to be fixated on the warm, rumbling sound of Loki laughing after one of the groomsmen finished telling a funny story. The maid of honor - Vicky, who had been Leah's childhood best friend and, consequently, a friend of yours as well - was staring at you expectantly. It took you a moment to register what she was really asking, but when realization struck, you began stammering almost incoherently.

"Oh, er, no, we're not together like that..." You motioned between yourself and Loki for emphasis. "We're... he's just..."

"What she means to say is, we met through work," Loki interjected, his voice much more cool and collected than your own. "She is one of SHIELD's strongest agents. Naturally, she spends quite a bit of time with the Avengers."

"We're friends," you added firmly, finally regaining the ability to string words together in a sentence.

"Aww, really? You two would be great together, you know," Vicky teased with a grin. The few others who had been involved in the conversation murmured in agreement. You struggled to come up with a response as your face caught fire, when Loki interjected to spare you yet again.

"She's very focused on her work," he explained, a hint of pride in the way he stated it. "Perhaps, someday, she will free up some time to find romance." He caught your eye out of the corner of his with his last sentence, shooting you a wink.

"Perhaps," you echoed, a finality to your tone that indicated you were finished with this discussion. Fortunately, Vicky took the hint, moving on to other small talk. But while the conversation progressed, your mind was still stuck on Loki's words. What did he mean by what he said? Was it more smooth talk from the silver-tongued god? Or was there a deeper meaning behind it?

No matter, you thought. Regardless of what he truly meant, you couldn't allow yourself to fall for him. Because that was more terrifying than anything he could have possibly intended with his words.

By the time you'd called it an evening and headed back to the room, you were socially drained and mentally exhausted. So much so, you'd forgotten about your sleeping arrangements predicament until you flipped the light on in the room, eyes landing immediately on the solitary bed. Apparently you groaned out loud, because Loki suddenly brushed past you and grabbed one of the pillows off the bed.

"I'll take the floor," he offered.

"What? No, I can't possibly make you sleep on the floor. You're only here because I asked you to be. I'll take the floor instead."

He shot you a stubborn glance. "I will not subject you to sleeping on the cold floor." Loki tossed the pillow in his hand onto the floor.

"Nope. Not happening." You swiped one of the other pillows off the bed and chucked it at him, striking him in the back of the head. He spun around to face you with a shocked expression on his face, a glint of mischief in his eyes.

"You dare strike the Prince of Asgard with a pillow?" Loki demanded, stooping to pick up the pillow you'd thrown at him and advancing on you. Instinctively, you held your hands out protectively in front of you, taking a step back.

"W-what are you doing?"

"Fighting back." He swung the pillow up over his head in both hands, bringing it down on top of your head. The fabric of the pillowcase dragged a huge section of your hair into your eyes.

"Pffft - Lohoki!"

"I demand you accept my ultimatum and allow me to take the floor," he ordered, beating you repeatedly with the pillow. You began to laugh, covering your head with your forearms and curling in on yourself to hide from his vicious fluffy attack.

"Oh-oof-ohokahay!! Okahay!!" The pillow strikes suddenly stopped, and you straightened your posture and ran your fingers through your tangled hair. Loki had a youthful grin on his face - one that complemented him nicely, you couldn't help but think. "Look - we're... friends, right? If you're alright with it, I wouldn't mind just... sharing. The bed, I mean."

"It's no difference to me, darling. I've shared a bed with many a Midgardian."

Your jaw slackened indignantly at his response. You prepared to scold him, but he began to chuckle, and you just knew he was being facetious. While you appreciated him lightening the mood, you couldn't allow him to get away with putting such an image in your mind.

"You dirty little scoundrel!" you chastised, swiping the other pillow off the bed and returning the favor, beating him over the head with it. "You have not shared a bed with that many!"

"Ahalright!! I - oof - for Odin's sake! I yield!" He caught the pillow on the last swipe, tugging it from your hands. "Norns, you're vicious!"

"Come, now - you can't be naïve enough to think anything less of me by now." You paced across the room and stooped to pick up the other pillow, smirking when Loki flinched as you approached him, then relaxed when you tossed the pillow down on the bed where it belonged. "I'm gonna go change for bed."

You disappeared into the bathroom to put on pajamas, returning to find Loki already lying in bed propped up against the headboard with his lower half under the blankets, his book in his hand once again. He'd changed into sleep clothes as well - a soft-looking cotton long-sleeved shirt on his upper half, and the waistband of what appeared to be a pair of actual Midgardian pajama pants peeking out from beneath the hem of the blanket over his waist. It was different than you were used to seeing him.

It suited him.

Suddenly feeling shy, you averted your gaze and focused your attention on the blankets on your own side of the bed as you turned the sheets down and crawled underneath. You lay flat on your back and settled into the pillow, staring straight up at the ceiling as Loki's book thumped shut beside you.

"You can read if you want to stay up, the light won't bother me," you insisted.

"I'm rather tired." With a wave of his hand, the overhead light flicked off, shrouding the room in darkness. With your sense of sight inhibited, you were acutely aware of the sound of his shifting against the mattress, his breathing in such close proximity to you.

"Well... goodnight," you mumbled.

"Goodnight."

You turned over onto your side facing away from Loki, eyes still wide open despite the fact that you couldn't see two inches in front of your face. Thoughts raced through your mind at light speed. What if I accidentally invade his space while I'm sleeping? What if he hears me snoring? Or worse... what if I say something in my sleep?

Beside you, Loki's breathing gradually slowed and deepened, and you assumed he had fallen asleep. Something about that was comforting to you - knowing that he felt comfortable enough in bed next to you to just drift right off to sleep. You shut your eyes, then, hoping sleep would come to you as well.

* * *

When you woke the next morning, Loki had already risen and vacated the bed. It was both a blessing and a curse - you weren't sure how you'd feel about waking up next to him, but you also couldn't know if you had accidentally rolled into his personal space during the night.

Loki had already prepared two mugs of coffee in the small coffee maker in the room. The smell of it was perhaps what woke you in the first place. You ran your fingers through your hair to smooth it down before shifting to sit up against the headboard, letting Loki know you were awake. He turned from where he stood at the counter where the coffee maker sat, pacing over to you with one of the mugs and placing it on the side table. Notably, he was still in his sleep clothes.

You'd been right - he was wearing Midgardian-style pajama pants. Green plaid, actually. It was oddly adorable.

"Sleep well?" he asked, rounding the bed to sit on the edge on his own side.

"Not bad. You?" You grasped the mug of coffee in both hands and took a sip, breathing in the bitter scent.

"Fine." He suddenly smirked. "How does it feel, knowing you are one of the few Midgardians who can boast about having been in bed with the God of Mischief?"

"Loki!" You swatted his arm. "What happened to having 'shared a bed with many a Midgardian'?"

He scoffed. "That was obviously a joke. I do have standards after all."

"I hope your 'standards' aren't too high," you teased, "I'd imagine there are many Midgardians who would decline your advances."

"What makes you say that?" he asked indignantly.

"Not everyone likes mischief. Especially in a lover."

"I like to think a bit of mischief in a lover keeps the relationship interesting."

"And yet you're still single."

Loki narrowed his eyes at you for a moment, then cocked one eyebrow and smirked. "Perhaps I simply haven't found someone who lives up to my standards."

"Pshh. You keep telling yourself that." You threw your legs over the side of the bed and got up, hoping to escape this conversation before he somehow managed to turn it on you.

The rehearsal dinner was that evening, so you had most of the day to yourself to decompress. You had gotten yourself dressed in casual clothes and were preparing to head out to a late breakfast when there was a knock at your hotel room door. Curiously, you paced over to the door and raised an eye to the peephole.

"Who is it?" Loki asked from his seat on one of the cushioned wicker chairs.

"Leah." You all but groaned out loud. If Leah was at your door, that could only mean one thing-

"It's wedding party bonding time!!" she squealed as you swung the door open.

"Bonding time? I haven't eaten breakfast yet."

"Breakfast? You realize how late it is, right? It's time for brunch!" She reached out and grasped your forearm, tugging for you to come with her. You turned your head and shot Loki an apologetic look.

"What about Loki? He hasn't eaten either."

"Then bring him! The whole wedding party is coming - no discrimination between guys, gals, and nonbinary pals."

"Oh - I'm sure he-"

"I'd be happy to join you," Loki interjected before you could make an excuse on his behalf.

"Perfect!!" She turned and motioned for the two of you to follow her, making long strides as she hurried down the hallway. You fell back to walk beside Loki, giving him a skeptical look.

"You know you don't have to come, right? Why are you so easily convinced to hang out with the wedding party?"

"Obviously you need me - you've no idea how to relax and have a bit of fun," he whispered, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. "And perhaps I'm intrigued by the idea of you owing me a debt. You did say that was contingent on my 'performance as a wedding date', after all."

"First of all - I know how to relax just fine on my own, thank you very much. And what exactly are you hoping to make me do?"

"I'm certain I can think of something."

Leah led you to the outdoor hotel restaurant where most of the wedding party had already sat down at a cluster of tables. The mid-morning sun was shining overhead, unhindered by cloud cover with nothing but clear blue skies for miles. Despite the blazing sun, the air wasn't exceedingly humid - it was a pleasantly dry heat, with an occasional cool ocean breeze providing just enough relief from the warmer temperature. The restaurant itself was set out on a large deck by the beach, with small white wooden café tables and umbrellas propped through the centers for shade. Add to all that the background of beautiful palm trees lining the beach, along with the soft rush of the ocean waves, and it was heaven on earth for someone like Leah who absolutely adored the tropics.

Surprisingly, Loki didn't appear overly uncomfortable in the heat. He'd even worn a short-sleeved shirt - something you didn't think you'd ever seen him wear before. You tried not to be too obvious about admiring his toned forearms as he animatedly made conversation with the two friends seated at your table. Naturally, they asked if the two of you were dating. The spark of amusement in Loki's eye as you stammered in your response to that question was starting to irk you.

As the waiter was clearing the empty plates from your table, Leah swaggered over with a half-empty mimosa in hand and a grin on her face. On her arm was her fiancé Leslie.

You liked Leslie a lot - they evened Leah out so well with their calm, laid-back demeanor. The way they looked at Leah left no doubt in anyone's mind that they loved her fiercely. An unexpected pang of sadness shot through your chest as the thought flitted through your mind that you were missing that intense love in your life. You reminded yourself that you were doing the responsible thing by keeping your heart closed off to any potential relationships.

"Leslie - how have you been?" you asked cordially.

"Pretty good! Just trying to keep this lovely lady in check until the wedding is over," Leslie replied with a cheeky grin.

"One of us has to do all the planning, Leslie!" Leah whined. Leslie laughed, leaning down to give her a kiss. Leah's cheeks were already tinged red from the mimosas, only amplified by her fiancé's public display of affection. She suddenly turned to you with wide-eyed excitement. "Are you ready to go get our nails done?"

Your eyebrows shot halfway up your forehead. "What? Oh, no, that's not really my thing, Leah-"

"You are one of the bridesmaids - you have to participate in all of the bonding activities," she insisted, a whiny twinge to her voice. "How would it look if you were missing from the photos??"

The fiery red eyes of the Bridezilla within were shimmering through Leah's brown ones as she gazed sternly at you.

"Leah, you know I don't paint my nails."

"Then get clear polish! Even a couple of the guys are joining us. You have to come!"

"B-but what about Loki?"

"He can come too!" She turned to him with a broad grin. "Get your nails done, or just hang out and drink champagne with the other guys if you want. Just don't let her skip out on her bridesmaid duties."

"You're using my date against me now?"

"Now hang on - she does have a point, darling. You must fulfill your duties," Loki chimed in, a mischievous gleam in his eye. You opened your mouth to scold him, but Leah interjected.

"See? I knew I liked him!"

Before you could provide your current sentiment on your Asgardian escort, Leah had begun bouncing along to visit another table. You buried your face in your hands, letting out a frustrated sigh. Beside you, Loki chuckled.

"Are you trying to punish me for something?" you grumbled.

"Oh, of course not. I'm having a wonderful time. It's quite entertaining to see you so far out of your element."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You scorn frivolity. Always straight down to business." Loki smirked smugly at you. "Now that you're being ordered to participate in such events, it's become clear to me that you simply don't know how to relax."

"I do too!"

"I'm not convinced."

You scoffed. "Are you saying I have to prove it to you?"

"As I stated - I'm not convinced."

As you opened your mouth to continue to argue, Leah's call cut you off. You stood from the table, giving Loki a hard, resolute look.

"I can let loose and have fun like anyone else. Just watch me."

"Oh, I'll be watching."

The spa was outdoors as well, a separate shaded area with sandalwood patio flooring and soothing fairy lights laced into a wooden pergola overhead. One of the spa technicians whisked your group over to the nail salon area, seating you in one of the salon chairs where another spa technician instantly handed you a glass of champagne. You smiled kindly as you took the glass, your gaze then meeting Loki's where he sat with a few of the other members of the wedding party and their dates on one of the cushy-looking sofas. With a smirk, you downed half your glass, nearly choking on the sudden burst of bubbles in your throat. Loki's eyebrows shot upward, an amused grin spreading across his face that made you scowl.

Determined to prove him wrong, and now with a bit of champagne going straight to your head, you turned to Vicky beside you and began attempting to make casual small talk.

"So... are you sure you and Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome over there aren't dating?" she murmured in your ear. You took another long swig of champagne to hide the sudden color in your cheeks before responding.

"Yep, pretty sure. We're friends."

"Oh come on! I see the way he looks at you!" she whispered excitedly. "What's holding you back?"

"I'm not really in a position to be dating anyone in my line of work," you responded flatly, nodding and smiling politely to the nail tech who had pulled up a stool in front of you and started filling the foot soaking basin with warm water. It felt soothing on your tired feet. "Anyway - enough about Loki. How is Ryan? Was he busy this weekend?"

"Hmph. Let me tell you..."

Vicky went on a tangent about her ex boyfriend cheating on her with his boss, and you simply sat and listened, nodding politely or gasping in horror at all the appropriate times throughout her story. Secretly, you were just glad to have the conversation on another subject that wasn't you and Loki.

She was only interrupted once, when the nail technician showed you both the polish color Leah had selected. It was a sparkly rose gold color - much more gaudy than you'd have considered for yourself. Not that you'd have considered any color at all, honestly - you weren't lying to Leah when you'd told her this wasn't your thing. Accustomed to knives and utility belts, you weren't exactly one to wear dresses and nail polish.

You considered declining and requesting clear as Leah had suggested, but you glanced up and caught Loki observing you with a shadow of a smirk on his lips. The sudden urge to prove you could relax and let loose outweighed your self-consciousness about doing something so far out of your comfort zone.

"Sure. I'll go with it," you told her with a nod. Beside you, Vicky squealed with delight.

"That color is gonna look amazing on you!" she gushed. You couldn't help but smile at that. You weren't used to people complementing your appearance; mostly because you didn't put much effort into it. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all.

Vicky continued with her story (which had really turned into more of a rant) as the nail technician got started on your pedicure. You’d only had one once before, years ago with another friend of yours, long before the incident with HYDRA. It wasn’t so bad then - you wouldn’t go as far as to say it was relaxing, having a stranger touching your feet, but it was bearable. But this time, the moment she started touching your foot, you nearly jumped out of your chair.

Still trying to politely half-listen to Vicky, you struggled to hold still and keep a straight face as she massaged gritty exfoliating soap into your foot. It had been years since someone had attempted to tickle you, before you'd been christened with your enhanced powers from the mind stone experiments. Apparently, it hadn't just enhanced your strength and your senses. You were never this ticklish before.

You bit your tongue and focused on breathing slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth, gaze flitting intermittently over to where Loki sat chatting with some of the others while snacking on the charcuterie board Vicky had ordered for everyone. He wasn't really paying much attention to you, but you did catch his eye a couple of times. One of those times, unfortunately, the nail technician had started scraping the heel of your foot with the pumice sponge, and you flinched for the briefest moment.

It was enough to pique Loki's curiosity. Suddenly, he was watching you with more intent, a quizzical expression on his face. You returned your focus to your breathing, rolling your eyes up to the sky in an effort to just ignore the unbearably ticklish sensation.

"Are you still listening?"

"Huh?"

You had completely forgotten Vicky was still talking to you. She was staring at you now, her brow furrowed in concern.

"Are you ok? You seem distracted."

"Oh, yeah, I'm fi-HINE!" A giggle slipped out when the technician slid the pumice sponge along the ball of your foot. She glanced up at you apologetically, and Vicky's concerned expression morphed into an amused grin.

"Ticklish?" she asked teasingly, poking you in the ribs.

"AH- hey! Yes, alright?"

"Just squeeze the arm of the chair whenever it gets too bad - it helped me the first couple times until I got used to it."

"Note-HEH-ed." You grasped the arm of the chair as she suggested, reluctantly returning your gaze to where Loki sat with bated breath. He wore a devilish smirk that set your cheeks on fire and sent your heart racing, mouthing the words:

You're in trouble.

Great, you thought. Another reason to be flustered around Loki. This whole 'don't let your feelings get the best of you' oath you'd taken wasn't going so well.

You managed to survive the rest of the pedicure without kicking your poor nail technician on reflex, breathing a sigh of relief when she drained the water in the basin and sent you to one of the manicure tables. While you sat awaiting a technician, Loki took the opportunity to saunter over to you with that same devilish smirk still plastered on his face.

"What was that all about?" he asked facetiously. You scowled, though with less malice than you'd have liked given you were also fighting back a silly flustered grin.

"None of your business," you mumbled dismissively.

"Have you always been so ticklish?" He clicked his tongue, tutting at you tauntingly. "Would be a shame if an enemy discovered that little weakness on the battlefield."

"Weren't you in the middle of a conversation over there?" you demanded, glancing around wildly for a free technician to give you an excuse to cease this discussion.

"Oh, but this is far more entertaining." He prodded your side with one finger, chuckling when you flinched away. "Ticklish here, too? All this time we've known each other and you've kept this secret?"

"Can you blame me?" You breathed a sigh of relief as a nail technician sat down across from you to get started on your manicure, motioning for you to place your hands on the table. "Now, shoo - I'm busy trying to relax."

"Well, I certainly hope for your sake you find this more relaxing." Loki winked cheekily before returning to his former seat. Vicky suddenly swept in and took the seat beside you.

"He was totally flirting with you just now," she whispered in hushed excitement.

"What? No, no he's just constantly searching for new ways to get on my nerves."

"Oh, come on. Ryan used to tickle me constantly before we started dating."

"Your cheating ex? Comforting."

"Not the point. And also, not related."

"He's not even from this planet. Who knows what flirting looks like on Asgard??"

Vicky sighed sadly. "I know how you feel about dating, being a SHIELD agent and all. But as your friend, I see the way you look at him. I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy. But thank you, Vicky." You smiled half-heartedly, reaching over to squeeze her hand.

It wasn't the entire truth, of course. More than ever, you were feeling the dull ache in your chest, the sense of longing to truly love someone. To allow yourself to fall in love with Loki. It was becoming difficult not to allow yourself to slip over the edge from a simple crush to full-fledged feelings. But you had to hold firm in your resolve. This would all go away once you returned home and got back to focusing on your work.

At least, you hoped.

It felt like you had barely any time at all between "wedding party bonding time" and the rehearsal dinner that evening. Fortunately, Leah wasn't asking the wedding party to dress up for this. You were NOT about to put on a dress if it wasn't mandated by the Bridezilla. The wedding would be far more than enough for you with wearing a dress.

Leah and Leslie's wedding ceremony was taking place right on the beach. It was exactly what you'd pictured for her - warm, silky sand along a beautiful backdrop of azure ocean water bubbling up on the shore in gentle, rolling waves. Plus, a beach ceremony meant you didn't have to wear heels. That was a plus.

The Bridezilla had completely taken hold of Leah by the time you and Loki had arrived. Beside her, Leslie had a comforting hand on her shoulder as she argued animatedly with one of the attendants assisting with setup. Only snippets of the conversation were audible - something about the aisle runner being the wrong shade of ivory came rumbling from the depths of the Bridezilla's throat.

"Leslie is a saint for tolerating this chaos..." you muttered to Loki while still out of earshot of the wedding party.

"I'm willing to bet you would be a rather particular bride yourself," he whispered back.

"I would not!" you retorted indignantly.

"Perhaps not about such trivial things as fabric color. But you can't possibly look me in the eye and tell me that you wouldn't have sharp words for anyone who dared to use vanilla frosting on your cake."

You glared at Loki, feeling your cheeks prickle with heat. "So I don't like vanilla frosting. Is that a crime?"

"What about if they put olives in the salad?"

"You've only managed to prove that I'm a food snob."

"Oh? Then perhaps we should move on to discuss the inevitable tantrum you'd throw should the musician play anything from a decade earlier than the 1990s..."

"Shh. They'll hear us." You took advantage of your nearing proximity to the others to cut him off before he could tease you any further. Although, if you were being honest with yourself, it wasn't the teasing that was getting to you - it was the shock of realizing how many seemingly trivial details about you Loki seemed to have memorized. It was simultaneously flattering and terrifying, because it only tugged at your heartstrings knowing how intimately he knew your quirks.

By the time Leah had finally finished her argument over the aisle runner, your stomach was already beginning to growl in protest. If there were any consolation in having to suffer through the actual rehearsal, it was the knowledge that a delicious meal awaited you when you'd finished.

You hoped it was well worth it.

The Bridezilla growled orders at all of you through the entire rehearsal. On your walk down the aisle, your pace was "too fast." You slowed down as she requested, and then suddenly it was "not fast enough." It took everything in your power not to snap, knowing the Bridezilla would soon vacate its host when the wedding was over tomorrow and your friend would be left with the memories of any cold-hearted comments you threw her way.

Three practice runs and an hour later than scheduled, the wedding party was finally ushered to their tables for dinner. It was the same restaurant you'd had brunch at earlier, though with the setting sun and darkening sky, the gleam of the candles on the tables and the blazing glow of the torches lit around the outer edges of the deck changed the ambiance entirely. It only made you curious to know what the actual reception dining area would look like the next evening - this was a rather romantic setting in itself.

"Darling, you're walking too fast," Loki teased as you approached your assigned table. Whipping your head around, you shot him a glare.

"I'm starving. I'll walk as fast as I damn well please," you hissed.

"Oh dear. Do you Midgardians have a name for the monster that comes out when you're hungry?" He stepped out ahead of you and pulled out a chair, motioning for you to take a seat.

"The appropriate term is 'hangry,' and no. Even if there were a name for it, I wouldn't tell you."

"Why ever not?"

"What, you think I'm naïve enough to give you ammunition to tease me?"

"I thought you liked my teasing," he countered, pinching your side as he took his seat. You jumped, holding up a finger in warning.

"You don't want to tickle me when I'm hangry."

Loki smirked. "Is that explicit permission to do it once you've eaten, then?"

"That's not at all what I said," you grumbled, heat rising in your cheeks. Fortunately, before he could respond, the waiter stopped by the table to ask what meals you'd be having that evening. The mischievous glint in his eye told you this conversation was not over, however.

Dinner was, indeed, delicious. Perhaps even more so because you were ravenously hungry by the time it arrived to the table. You didn't even bother taking the time to scold Loki for whatever thoughts might be going through his head as he sat there snickering at you between bites.

"Excuse me, everyone!"

Leslie clinked their spoon against their glass to gain the attention of the group, awaiting the wave of silence before continuing to speak.

"Leah and I just wanted to thank you all for being a part of our wedding. It's been wonderful having so many caring friends and family surrounding us and celebrating our marriage. We couldn't have gotten here without all of you."

"Thank you all so much," Leah added tearfully, a watery smile on her face. "Our wedding day is going to be absolutely perfect, and we have all of you to thank for it."

As the group clapped politely, Leah turned to Leslie and pressed a long, tear-stained kiss to their lips. It warmed your soul to see your friend so happy in love. Still, that nagging, dull ache in your chest was difficult to ignore.

That is, until Leah got into an argument with one of the waiters when dessert was served because the plates weren't the right color. The Bridezilla strikes again.

By the end of the rehearsal dinner, you were frustrated and tired of listening to the Bridezilla's roaring and howling. As soon as was socially acceptable, you stood and bid Leah and Leslie an early goodnight, practically dragging Loki into the hotel to go seek sanctuary in your room.

The moment you arrived back in your hotel room, you stormed straight over to the bed and flopped unceremoniously on top of the mattress on your back, releasing a long pent-up groan of frustration.

"You seem to be quite ill-tempered every time we go to one of these events." Loki stood by the edge of the bed, gazing down at you curiously.

"Leah is my friend. She may be a crazed, stressed-out monster at the moment, but she's my friend. At least, that's what I keep reminding myself." You rubbed your eyes, feeling the weight of the wearisome day pressing on you. "I'm just glad this wedding is almost over."

"You know..." he began, taking a seat on the edge of the bed beside you, "... marriage rituals on Asgard last an entire week."

You cringed, sitting up a bit and propping yourself up on your elbows. "Glad we don't have that on earth..."

"Yes, well, there's quite a bit of mead involved. It's much more enjoyable that way."

"What else is different about Asgardian weddings?"

"Well... for one thing, there's swords involved."

"Naturally."

"There's also a sacrificial goat on the fifth day-"

"A what??" You sat bolt upright with wide eyes. Loki cocked his head at your appalled expression.

"It's a ceremony to promote fertility. The betrothed woman carries a goat up a mountain, where the man then unsheathes his sword and-"

"OH-KAY that's enough," you cut him off, throwing your hands up over your ears. Loki suddenly began laughing.

"Did you honestly believe that was true?? It was a joke, darling! We're not barbarians - we're much more sophisticated than that."

"Loki!! How the hell am I supposed to know what marriage ceremonies look like on Asgard??" He continued to chuckle at your indignance, and so you huffed and shoved his shoulder playfully with both hands. "You're such an ass."

"Did you just push me?" he asked incredulously, turning his body toward you more fully with a dangerously devilish expression on his face. Before you could provide a response, he had grabbed hold of one of your ankles on the bed beside him and began dusting his fingertips along the sole of your foot.

"HEHEY!!" You tugged hard on your leg, kicking wildly at Loki with your free foot. He paused in his attack to swipe your other ankle out of midair, scooping them both into the crook of his elbow and scratching rapidly at both soles with all five fingers on his free hand.

"This is the most delightful little piece of information I've ever learned about you - now I know exactly how to take you down a few pegs when you're getting on my nerves."

"ExcUHUSE MEHE?" You planted your hands beside you on the mattress and pulled desperately to free your ankles from their imprisonment. "Getting ohon YOHOUR nerves?? Mihister God of Mischief??"

"You heard me correctly." He suddenly tugged harshly to pull your legs straight, consequently causing you to be dragged onto your back. His hands latched onto your hips before you had the chance to react to his surprise attack. A shrieky burst of laughter exploded from your chest, which only serve to encourage him to dig his thumbs in harder into the soft spaces next to your hipbones. "Apparently, this is also an excellent method for breaking you out of this sour mood you've been in all day. You're much more pleasant when you're laughing."

"SOHO RUHUDE- NAHAHAH LOKI!!" You squealed in protest when he began to scratch at your belly with all ten fingers, a rather undignified noise coming from a tough Avenger, you thought. Fortunately, you didn't have the wherewithal to dwell on it as his tickling fingers made your mind go fuzzy. Sensing you were tiring, he halted his attack, grinning fondly as you curled up in a ball to protect your vulnerable areas.

"I think that should be sufficient to cure your surly demeanor, don't you?"

"Gohod, Loki... yohou're vicious!" you whined, shifting to sit up against the headboard with your knees curled up against your chest. You couldn't deny the fact that you did actually feel a bit less grumpy. It was hard not to after having laughed so hard.

An added and unintentional effect of Loki's ticklish onslaught was the sudden wave of drowsiness that consumed you the moment the adrenaline had worn off. At least tonight it felt a bit less awkward crawling into bed beside the God of Mischief.

"Thanks again for agreeing to come with me," you murmured in the darkness as the lure of sleep threatened to overtake you.

"You did tell me I owed you." His baritone voice sounded slightly more gravelly than usual, and you suspected he, too, was on the verge of falling asleep. And yet, still, he found a way to tease you.

"I know. But you could have said no still. So... thanks."

"Anytime, love."

The rumbling of his voice echoed in your mind long after he had stopped speaking. It was the lullaby that lulled you to sleep that night.

* * *

You were trying desperately not to grow accustomed to Loki preparing you coffee before you woke in the morning. It would do you no good to allow that to feel like a part of your routine. Especially considering you'd only be waking beside him one more morning.

"What do Asgardian brides do on the morning of their actual wedding day?" you asked between sips of coffee.

"Well... the betrothed couple spend the morning separate from one another - similar to Midgardian custom, as I understand it," Loki explained. "The Asgardian custom is for the betrothed to bathe and cleanse themselves of their past in preparation for their future together."

"That's... oddly beautiful, actually."

Loki's mouth twitched upward slightly. "Historically speaking, the woman would bathe as a symbol of washing away her virginity."

"AND I've heard enough," you dismissed definitively, squeezing your eyes shut to will the heat from your cheeks.

"I simply answered your question," Loki shrugged. "What is the custom here on Midgard, then?"

"The tradition is for the bride and the bridal party to gather to get their hair and makeup done, get dressed, and take photos, while the men often gather and drink. Although, nowadays, people have done many different non-traditional things the morning of their wedding."

"And what will your friend be doing, then?"

"Oh, Leah is a traditionalist in that sense. Which means I'm stuck getting all beautified this morning." You scowled at the thought, drawing a laugh from the Asgardian.

"You make it sound as if she's torturing you."

"It is torture. Have you ever seen me in anything but slacks and a t-shirt?"

"I suppose not."

You drank your coffee as slowly as possible, so by the time you finished the last of it, the liquid was an unpleasant lukewarm temperature. It wasn't that you weren't excited to see Leah on her wedding day - you were just less than thrilled about getting dolled up for the wedding. Not to mention, you wouldn't see Loki until the ceremony. You knew he'd find some way to occupy his time while you were busy with the rest of the bridal party, but you couldn't lie and say you wouldn't be thinking about him until you saw him again.

After showering for the morning, you wrapped yourself in the green robe that Leah had gifted you with your name embroidered on the front. The color almost exactly matched the sage green color of the bridesmaid gowns. Fortunately, you wouldn't have to put that on until later, closer to the time of the ceremony. But the robe was, admittedly, rather comfortable.

Loki looked at you inquisitively as you stepped out of the bathroom with the sage green gown draped over your elbow.

"Is that what you'll be wearing this evening?" he asked, motioning to the garment on your arm.

"Oh, uh... well, yeah. Leah picked it out." You held it by the straps and let the skirt of the dress hang down, providing him a better view of the gown. "I'm not thrilled about how I look in dresses, but I'm doing this for Leah, so..."

"The color suits you."

You stopped talking for a moment, jaw remaining slightly open. "Beg pardon?"

"The color. You look captivating in green."

A fiery heat rose from your neck to your ears. "I, uh... thanks."

You bade Loki goodbye before heading up to Leah's hotel suite, his complement buzzing around in your mind. Had you ever even worn green in front of him until today? Most of your workout clothes were some shade of black or gray. Not to mention, you knew green was his color. All his Asgardian leather had some sort of green hue worked into the fabric somewhere. Part of you felt a semblance of pride, knowing Loki thought his color was fitting on you.

Then the practical part of you recognized you were starting to slip over that edge into true feelings for the Prince of Asgard, and you quickly shook his words from your mind.

Leah was a complete nervous wreck when you arrived in her suite. It was a welcome change from the commanding, angry monster she'd been yesterday at least.

"What's going on?" you asked as you shut the door behind you.

"The hair stylist was supposed to be here ten minutes ago," Vicky explained, clearly trying her hardest to suppress an eye roll. Luckily, Leah didn't seem to notice.

"If she doesn't get here soon, she's going to cut into the time slotted for makeup, and then we'll be late for the ceremony and-"

"Leah." You placed both hands on her shoulders and looked her square in the eye. She paused in her breathless rattling sentence, her lower lip trembling. "It's your wedding day. No matter what happens, the most important thing is that you enjoy yourself. Nobody will notice if it isn't one hundred percent perfect."

She gazed at you silently for a moment, eyes wide. Then, suddenly, she threw her arms around you and squeezed you tight.

"Thank you," she mumbled into your shoulder. "You're right. I'm marrying the love of my life today. Nothing could possibly be better than that."

When she released you and stepped back, she had a watery smile on her face. There wasn't a hint of the Bridezilla remaining in her eyes. Could it have been that simple? Had you found a way to defeat it?

A knock on the door caught Leah's attention, and moments later, the hair stylist was entering with her supplies in hand ready to get started. All was now right in her world.

The morning was a whirlwind of hairstyling, makeup, and photos, laced with some intermittent happy tears from the bride and a single round of champagne to celebrate. You barely recognized yourself in the mirror by the time you were finished getting ready. More surprising, though, was that you didn't hate how you looked as much as you anticipated. It would certainly still take some getting used to.

A small voice in the back of your mind wondered what Loki would think when he saw you.

At long last, it was time for Leah and Leslie's wedding ceremony. Leah looked absolutely radiant in her wedding dress, with her hair in loose curls framing her face. You took your place beside one of the groomsmen, grasping his elbow as he offered it to you politely, and began to walk down the aisle as the music started.

You pasted a smile to your face as you walked at exactly the pace dictated by Leah at the rehearsal the evening before. More than ever, your heart ached with the sadness of knowing you would never allow yourself to walk down the aisle as a bride. You reminded yourself that it would be irresponsible. Reckless. It would put someone you loved in danger of HYDRA's retaliation against you for your escape. It would give you something to lose, something to distract you from your hero work...

And then your eyes met Loki's.

He was seated with a few of the other wedding party members' dates that he'd been schmoozing with these last few days, two seats in from the aisle. You weren't sure you'd ever seen him looking so awestruck. His eyes were wide, brows raised, jaw slack, a dusting of red gracing his cheeks. Those beautiful blue-green irises of his roamed up and down, taking in the entire sight of you. That smile on your face was no longer forced, your own cheeks feeling a bit warmer under the weight of his gaze. You forgot about your heartache - you simply reveled in the feeling of Loki looking at you as though you were the only person in the room.

In that moment, you tipped over the edge. You'd fallen for him. And there was no going back.

Damn.

The moment had passed as quickly as it had begun, and you were taking your place by the altar among the bridesmaids. You took a minute to glance at Leslie standing at the end of the aisle, waiting eagerly for Leah to make her appearance. They wore a white jumpsuit, which suited them incredibly well. More striking was the broad smile on their face, and the shimmer of tears in their eyes as they caught sight of Leah for the very first time when she began her walk down the aisle. They looked so very happy together.

And there was no sign of the dreaded Bridezilla any longer.

The ceremony was beautiful, and you shared a great deal of laughs during the wedding party photos afterward. As much fun as it was, you couldn't wait until your bridesmaidly duties were finished so you could finally see Loki once again.

The moment the wedding party was dismissed, you hurried to join the rest of the guests at cocktail hour in search of your date. You didn't have to look for long. A sudden pinch to your sides from behind alerted you to his presence.

"Ah-ha- Loki!" you whined, your hands grabbing his at your waist out of instinct. Turning your head, you found him leaning over your shoulder from behind to get a better look at your face, an impish grin on his face.

"I couldn't resist," he insisted with a chuckle, turning you around to face him. You got your first good look at his outfit as well. He wore a tailored black suit, paired with a white shirt and simple black tie underneath. His dark locks had been tamed slightly, still hanging loosely around his face. The whole look brought out the vivid blue-green color of his eyes.

"You, er... you clean up nice," you mumbled, overcome by that shy feeling that only he could elicit. Loki's grin widened as he took your hand in his and brought it up to his lips, pressing them gently to the back of your hand. You shivered involuntarily at the gentleness of his touch, face feeling warmer than ever.

"And you look absolutely ravishing," he hummed, lowering your hand and releasing it as his eyes sparked with amusement at your sudden sheepishness. "Would you care for a drink, darling?"

"Uh, yep. Let's do that," you breathed with a nod of your head, earning a warm rumble of a laugh from your companion. He placed a hand on the small of your back, gently guiding you toward the bar to order you something to drink.

The sun was beginning to set overhead, a palette of oranges, pinks, and yellows painting the horizon over the ocean. The guests were buzzing with conversation and laughter, bubbling with 'how are yous' and 'I missed yous' as family and friends reunited to celebrate Leah and Leslie. You felt a pleasant warmth surging through you, though it was hard to say whether it was the joyful energy of the evening or the feeling of Loki's hand resting on your back as he chatted amicably with some of the wedding party that brought it on.

"Have you two finally confessed your feelings??"

Vicky sidled up to the two of you as you were nabbing an hors d'oeuvre off a nearby platter.

"We're friends, Vicky!" you reiterated, popping the snack in your mouth to give yourself an excuse not to have to say any more.

"Sure looks like you're getting a little extra friendly with each other," she teased with a sly grin, motioning to Loki's hand on your back. You nearly choked on your hors d'oeuvre, barely managing to swallow it and opening your mouth to retort, but Loki beat you to the punch.

"I'm simply preparing for the next time she decides to say something cheeky," he explained, his fingers digging into your side for a moment. You spluttered and giggled, leaning into him involuntarily to evade his fingers.

"Ah, I see..." Vicky nodded, her grin widening. "I'll see you two at dinner, then. Don't have too much fun!"

"You sneak!" you hissed, shoving him playfully as you bit back a grin. He shrugged with a laugh.

"I-hi was simply providing you with an excuse - you certainly didn't seem to have one," he teased.

It wasn't long before Leah and Leslie returned from taking photos, and the guests were ushered to the main reception area. The space was absolutely breathtaking. White tableclothed tables and chairs were set out along a large stone-tiled patio space on the beach. Above the dining area were strings of soft warm lights draped over a wooden frame outlining the space. Simple vases of flowers served as the centerpieces atop the tables, nested between sets of small tea-light candles that glowed bright against the darkening sky. You and Loki found your seats at the bridal party table.

Which, notably, did not have an empty seat at it, thanks to your Asgardian prince.

Loki nudged you with his elbow as the waiter swept by and set out plates of salad in front of each guest. You tilted your head quizzically as he gestured to the plate in front of you.

"There's olives in the salad," he informed. You looked down and found that there were, indeed, whole green olives set atop the bed of leafy greens. You groaned out loud.

"Why does anyone want these horrid things in their salad??" you whined. Loki chuckled beside you, earning a glare. "What, you think it's funny?"

"No - I think it's charming, actually, that you get so irritable about such trivial matters." You stuck your tongue out at him, only serving to draw another laugh from the trickster. "Here - allow me."

With a wave of his hand, the olives in your salad disappeared in a flash of green light. Wide-eyed, you glanced around the table to see if anyone noticed, but they were all wrapped up in their own conversations and paying little attention to the little display of magic Loki had just performed.

"Darling - they're well aware I'm not from around here," he teased as he watched you relax knowing no one had witnessed the spell.

"Yeah, well... force of habit." You were referring to your own special abilities, which you kept carefully under wraps from your non-superhero friends. Much unlike the God of Mischief beside you, who chose to flaunt his abilities whenever he saw fit. Still, it was rather sweet of him to think of you when he saw the olives on the salad. You picked up your fork, offering him a half smile. "Thanks."

"Anytime, love. I'll be here when they bring the cake with vanilla frosting."

"Oh, shut it."

Dinner was excellent, as was to be expected coming from Leah and Leslie's wedding. Leah wouldn't have settled for anything less than spectacular. Although, you wondered if she'd even tasted any of her food tonight, watching her bounce from table to table greeting guests with a huge smile on her face and her new spouse on her arm.

Following dinner, the DJ called for Leah and Leslie to have their first dance as a married couple together. You recognized the song they'd selected the moment it began to play - it had been the song playing in the car on their first date. Leah had played it on repeat for a month after that. She'd gotten it stuck in your head every time you'd come to visit.

Leslie took Leah's hand and waist, sweeping her into a graceful slow dance. They gazed lovingly into each other's eyes, and Leah giggled once about something Leslie whispered in her ear. You watched the couple longingly, feeling your heart squeeze painfully inside your chest. It was a beautiful, natural partnership they had, made obvious by the ease at which Leah followed Leslie's every move, never once looking at anyone else around them.

"If this were an Asgardian wedding, they would be holding swords during the first dance."

You turned your attention away from the dance to look at Loki beside you, who was leaning back into his seat after having shifted to whisper in your ear.

"Really? How does that work?"

"It's rather elegant, really. Each holds a sword in their right hand, their left hands free to dance palm to palm as is tradition in Asgard. When they turn the opposite direction, with their right sides facing one another, the swords serve as the connection between them. A way of honoring their ancestors and binding their families."

"Hmm." You tried to envision what such a dance might look like. Though it was difficult to imagine Leah and Leslie participating in a traditional Asgardian wedding dance, you could easily picture Loki dancing elegantly with sword in hand. He fought with a sort of dance quality to his movements, though you'd never seen him actually dance. You were intrigued by the thought, though you weren't keen on dancing yourself.

When you returned your attention to the dance floor, the song was just ending. As happy for them as you were, you were glad not to have witnessed the remainder of the dance. It was only making your heart ache, filling your mind with desires you knew you should never pursue.

The DJ announced the opening of the dance floor, and suddenly you were the only two people seated at your table as the rest of the bridal party leapt to their feet to join the married couple. The music was loud, upbeat, perfect to dance to if you knew how to dance. Unfortunately, you were not one of those people.

"Would you like to join them?" Loki asked. You smiled weakly and shook your head.

"Two left feet," you offered in explanation. Loki's brow furrowed in confusion, and you laughed. "It's an expression. It means I can't dance."

"Oh, that I don't believe. You are more than capable of dancing. I've seen your agility on the field."

"Alright, yes - physically speaking, I can dance. But not well. And certainly not well enough to make a fool of myself in front of all these people."

Loki's eyes narrowed playfully. "Mark my words, darling - I will get you on the dance floor at some point this evening."

You felt your cheeks heat up at the thought.

Glancing around desperately for a distraction, your eyes fell on a middle-aged couple who were standing off away from everyone else. You motioned with a subtle tilt of your head toward the couple, who appeared to be shouting at one another.

"What do you think they're arguing about?" you whispered.

"Perhaps he refused to eat the olives from her salad," Loki responded in a teasing tone. You stuck your tongue out at him once again for poking fun at you.

"I don't know... she looks a little too angry to be shouting over olives." You tried listening for any audible snippets of conversation, but even with your enhanced hearing they were just out of range. "I bet he cheated on her or something. She looks really mad."

The woman threw her hands out to the sides to emphasize whatever point she was trying to make. Then, the man held up a single finger in her face, and she looked positively livid. With a swift retraction of her hand, she swung hard and slapped the man across the face with enough force to make him stumble. You threw a hand over your mouth to hide your shocked expression as she pivoted on her heel and stormed off.

"Alright, I'll give you that one. I don't think she was angry about the olives." Loki's eyes roamed around, landing on a young boy of no older than seven throwing a temper tantrum on the ground in front of his mother. "Ok - what do you think he's upset about?"

"Ooh... that's a tough one, it could literally be anything at that age..."

"Personally - I think he's upset that he can't have dessert yet."

"Really? They haven't even brought out the cake yet." You pondered for another moment as the frustrated mother pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers. "I think... he doesn't like the volume of the music."

At that moment, two waiters appeared carrying the wedding cake between them, setting it down on a decorative table. The boy pointed to the pastry and wailed even louder, tugging angrily at the hem of his mother's dress from his seat on the ground.

"Oh-ho! Who was right this time?" Loki goaded, smirking at you. You shook your head defeatedly.

"Best two out of three, then?" you asked.

The music suddenly shifted to a slower rhythm, and on the dance floor couples were coming together to sway to the music in each other's arms. Loki rose to his feet beside you, holding his hand out with his palm facing upward.

"My lady - might I have this dance?"

You felt a hot blush gracing your cheeks at his formality and his debonair smile, his sparkling blue-green eyes fixed on you. Unable to speak suddenly, you nodded and took his outstretched hand in yours, allowing him to lead you onto the dance floor for the first time that evening.

Loki found an open space for the pair of you, suddenly twirling you around by the hand before sweeping you up into a dance partner's hold. His free hand fell to the small of your back while the other still held loosely to yours. You blushed at the fact that you giggled like a schoolgirl as you placed your free hand on his shoulder.

"I had no idea you knew how to charm a woman in such a way," you teased. His chin tilted upward slightly with pride, a sly grin spreading across his face.

"I've told you already - they don't call me silver-tongued for nothing, darling."

"You barely even said a word."

He ducked his head down lower, his lips hovering just beside your ear. You could feel his breath graze your skin as he spoke.

"I didn't need to. There's more than one way to make a woman go weak in the knees."

No kidding.

You busied yourself glancing around at the other couples around you to avoid catching Loki's eye for a moment, lest your face actually catch fire. A small chuckle resounded from deep within his chest as he squeezed your hand fondly.

"Are you at least enjoying yourself? Now that your friend is no longer breathing fire?" Loki asked. You turned back to catch his gaze.

"Yes. Yes, it's been fun. And I'm... happy for Leah and Leslie."

"You sound uncertain."

"I'm not." You fell silent a moment, letting Loki gently sway you to the music. "I am happy for them. Truly. It's just hard not to think about what could have been, had I not been given these powers."

"How could you? You'd likely not have met me," he countered, flashing you a smirk. You laughed despite yourself.

"Very true. What sort of life would that be?"

"A rather boring one, I should think."

A more comfortable silence fell between the two of you after that. You allowed yourself to simply enjoy the sensation of his firm hand at the small of your back, the coolness of his palm against yours. Loki danced as gracefully as you'd expected, his feet never accidentally landing on yours, his guidance strong but never overbearing. There was a sense of safety in his arms, and yet there were still nervous butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

The song faded, and a more upbeat tune took its place. You turned to head back to the table, but Loki held fast to your hand.

"I did tell you I'd get you out on the dance floor this evening."

"No, Loki, I can't - I don't know how, I have no rhythm, I-"

"Don’t make me try to charm you into it again,” he whispered low in your ear. You made a noise somewhere between a whine and a groan, and Loki laughed heartily. He took your other hand in his, eyes fixed on yours as he began moving to the music. You sighed and followed suit, making your best attempt at dancing. He grinned and nodded approvingly, suddenly lifting your hand over your head and twirling you around.

“Loki! You have to warn me!” you laughed, stumbling forward with the sudden dizziness and pressing your hands to his chest to steady yourself. He captured your hands in his once again and continued to move with the beat.

The shyness was beginning to wear off as you danced with Loki there to guide you. Before this evening, you’d never have pictured him to be one to enjoy simply moving to upbeat music, always having imagined him to prefer the elegance of a slow waltz. But he was good at this. Not to mention, he had a handsome, youthful grin on his face the entire time he was dancing with you.

As the song ended and a new one began, Loki took your hand in his and bowed theatrically, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

“Thank you for the dance, my lady. I daresay you are an excellent dancer.”

“We could stay for one more… if you wanted.”

Loki grinned, straightening up and twirling you before catching you around the waist and dipping you back slightly. “Who am I to say no?”

He had you on the dance floor most of the rest of that evening. By the time the DJ announced it was time to cut the cake, you were pleasantly dizzy and tired. Loki led you back to the table to sit down.

You watched as Leah and Leslie took the cake cutter in their hands together and sliced into the cake, carving out a small piece. Leah carefully fed a piece to Leslie, but Leslie made certain to smear frosting along Leah’s cheek. She laughed, pressing a frosting-laden kiss to their lips. And once again, your heart began to ache, longing for something like they had.

Loki seemed to notice your change in demeanor after that, because he didn’t press the issue when the music came back on and you didn’t rise to your feet to rejoin the dance floor. You sat at the table and ate your pieces of cake, and Loki teased you for scooping off the vanilla frosting with your fork first, but you didn’t laugh as hard as you usually would.

As the evening came to a close, you bade Leah and Leslie goodnight and congratulations before heading back to the hotel room. You were silent as you walked, mind racing with thoughts about the evening. It had been wonderful. More wonderful than you would have ever imagined, and Loki was to thank for it. But that was exactly the problem - you weren’t supposed to let this happen. You weren’t supposed to allow yourself to get swept up in the romance of the evening and fall for him. And now, all you could think about was the image of another wedding - your wedding - with Loki twirling you on the dance floor the way he had tonight. A painful lump formed in your throat, knowing that you could never let that happen.

You took your time undoing the pins in your hair, washing away the makeup on your face and carefully hanging the dress after pulling on a soft set of pajamas. When you exited the bathroom, you found Loki was already lying in bed waiting for you so he could turn out the lights. The lump in your throat refused to go away no matter how hard you swallowed.

As you crawled into bed beside Loki for the final time, your eyes began to sting with the burning threat of tears. Keeping your face turned so he wouldn't see, you lay down on your side facing away and let your eyes slip closed. As he turned out the lights, a single tear spilled over and slid down your face, dampening the hair at your temple. You pulled the blankets up to your nose in hopes it would help to hide your sadness.

By now, you should have known Loki was too perceptive.

"Are you alright?"

His voice was low, gentler than you'd heard him speak before. It was laden with worry, uncertainty. Still, you couldn't help but flinch when he spoke, knowing he'd seen through your façade. His hand rested on your shoulder, and the warmth of his touch was enough to push you over the edge. The tears flowed freely, a quiet sob wracking your body.

Wordlessly, Loki ran a firm hand up and down your arm in an attempt to comfort you. He didn't ask you to explain, he didn't turn on the lights, he didn't try to get you to look at him. He simply let you cry, his hand never once leaving your arm - a silent reminder that he was there.

As the tears finally began to subside, you wiped your eyes with the back of your hand and finally turned over to face Loki. You weren't certain how well he could see in the darkness, but you still felt sheepish enough to pull the blanket back up over your nose to hide the redness of your face.

"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked finally.

"I'm just being silly. It will pass," you replied with a dismissive chuckle. His hand found your arm once again and squeezed.

"If it's enough to cause you to hurt this way, it can't possibly be 'silly'."

"Oh, but it is silly. Because I've done this to myself." You let out a watery laugh. "The only reason that I can't have what Leah has is because I'm too scared to allow myself to have it. Me - a SHIELD agent, an Avenger with super strength and enhanced senses, too scared to fall in love."

"Why?"

The question was both simple and complicated all at once. One word, and yet you couldn't formulate a coherent response that would answer the question.

"I... I don't know anymore." You laughed again. "I'm not making any sense."

"I understand."

"You do?"

"You fear the risk of hurting someone who loves you. Physically, emotionally... it doesn't matter. It terrifies you, doesn't it?"

You were silent for a moment, listening to the quiet rush of air with every breath he took. "Yes," you whispered finally.

"Then we are more similar than you realize."

Both of you fell silent then. Loki's presence was both calming and distressing all at once. More than anything, you wanted him to wrap you up in his arms and hold you close, but the thought of that was more terrifying than anything else.

"Are you feeling alright now?" he asked.

"Better, yes." You sighed, releasing the air pent up in your chest. "Can we talk about something else? I need a distraction."

"What do you propose?"

"Anything."

"Alright... how about we discuss how you will repay the debt you now owe me?" You couldn't see his face in the darkness, but you could hear the smirk in his voice.

"What?? Who said I owe you a debt?" you demanded, propping yourself up on your elbow.

"I beg your pardon - I have been an exemplary wedding date, I should think."

"I'm pretty sure that's for me to decide." A smile was tugging at your lips now. He always could make you smile, even when you didn't want to. And gods, you needed it right now.

"Alright then - pray tell, what have I done that would cause you to decide that I've been anything less than the perfect escort?"

"Well... you..." What had he done that you could use as an excuse? "Oh, how about when you teased me for being ticklish??"

"Ah, that's right..."

His tone was mischievous, and you knew what was coming before he'd even grabbed hold of your sides and started tickling you without mercy. With a shriek of protest, you burst into desperate laughter.

"NOHOW I DEHEFINITELY dohon't owe yoHOU!"

"Is that right? Better make it worth my while, then."

"Noho, wait, WAHAIT!!" You squirmed helplessly and grabbed at his hands while his torturous fingers skittered across your belly, up your sides, dancing along your ribs and back down to dig into your hips. The inability to see him made it all the more unbearable, never knowing where he planned to attack next. You could picture the devilish smirk on his face, and it made your cheeks burn.

"Changed your mind yet, darling?" he queried teasingly, slowing to scratch gently at your sides to keep you giggling. You hooked your fingers around his hands and pulled them away from your sides.

"Nohot a chance," you responded resolutely. He chucked low in his throat, his fingers closing around your own where they rested against his palms.

"Do you think this is enough to stop me?" He lifted your hands in his for emphasis.

"Seems to have worked." You knew you were egging him on now, but you didn't care. This was serving as a wonderful distraction, and your spirits were definitely higher now that he had you laughing.

"Oh, I'll show you how well it worked."

Suddenly, you felt him shift to plant his weight on your legs, his hands sliding down to close around your wrists. You squeaked in surprise at the sudden increase in the strength of his hold on you, tugging at your imprisoned arms and babbling giggly protests as he made quick work of pinning your wrists over your head. He shifted his grip to pin them down with one of his larger hands, his free hand now hovering somewhere over your torso in the darkness.

"WAHAIT! I cahan't see you, this isn't fahahair!!"

"Tsk, does that make it worse?" His fingertips dusted briefly over your belly just below your navel, and you jolted and yelped at the unexpected ticklish touch.

"Ye-HA! Yes, it's wohorse!"

"How fortunate for me, then." His fingers ghosted along your side this time, causing you to twist reflexively toward his hand to block it. Suddenly he was pinching at your ribs on the other side, eliciting a screech. As quickly as it began, his fingers left your ribs, only to claw at the soft skin under the opposite arm.

"AHAHAH LOHOKI I CAHAN'T TAKE IT!!" You arched your back hopelessly, giggly laughter bubbling from your lips as he tickled his way down the entire length of your side to your hip and back up again, stopping just before he reached your underarm to jump to your belly and keep you guessing.

"You are so charmingly ticklish, it's rather adorable." Loki released your arms in favor of freeing up his other hand to claw under your arm before you could block his access by slamming your arms down to your sides.

"SHUHUT UP!"

"Rude. It was intended to be a complement, and this is the thanks I get?" His fingers hooked around the backs of your ribs, and you howled with desperate laughter. "Oh-ho, I've got you now."

"PL-AHAH-PLEHEASE!" you pleaded, unable to say anything more as he increased the speed and pressure of his fingers and your laughter became breathless.

"Do you yield? Are you prepared to admit you owe me a debt?"

"Y-eheh-YEHES!" you wheezed, finally breathing a sigh of relief as he relented in his attack. You felt as though you were in a state of drunken euphoria after having laughed so hard for so long. "Wh-ahah-what are yohou so desperate to mahake me do that you want me to owe you so badly?"

"Go out to dinner with me."

The room fell silent after the words spilled out of his mouth. You were acutely aware that he'd made no effort to shift off of you, his hands planted on either side of you to hold his weight above you.

"I'm not saying you have to, of course..." Loki suddenly sounded sheepish, almost as you did when you'd asked him to come with you to this wedding. "I fully understand your stance on... romantic relationships... but I thought, perhaps-"

You didn't know what possessed you to do it. Perhaps you'd had just enough alcohol that evening to feel disinhibited enough, or perhaps the sense of loneliness had finally overcome you. Perhaps you simply couldn't hold back your feelings for the god any longer, now that he'd admitted his own feelings for you.

Whatever the inciting factor was, you found yourself wrapping a hand around the back of his neck, gaining the leverage you needed to surge forward and capture his lips with yours.

A noise of surprise came from Loki's throat before he melted into your kiss, allowing his weight to gently drop down on top of you so he could slide his arms around your back. Without breaking the kiss, he suddenly rolled onto his back with his arms wrapped tightly around you, pulling you to lie on top of him instead. It was your turn to squeak in surprise at the sudden motion, regaining your composure quickly and smiling against his lips. He turned his head slightly to break apart from you for a moment, his chest heaving from his heavy breaths.

"You know... it's rude to interrupt-"

You growled and cut him off once again with your mouth, kissing him harder and more fervently than before. The taste of his kiss was addicting, the feeling of his fingers lacing through the hair at the nape of your neck sending shivers down your spine. His other hand slipped beneath the hem of your sleep shirt to rest against the bare skin of your back, his skin surprisingly cool against yours.

When you'd finally become too breathless to continue kissing him without breaking for air, you gently pulled away, grinning as he lifted his head to press one last kiss to your lips. You sighed, laying with your face buried in his neck and pressing tiny, reverent kisses to the soft skin. Loki hummed contentedly, pressing his palm flatter against your back to squeeze you impossibly closer to his chest.

"What are you thinking, love?" he asked fondly, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face.

"Mm... I'm thinking I'm kind of sleepy."

"Then rest." He turned to roll you off of him, gently pushing on your waist to get you to turn your back to him. His strong arm wrapped around your middle and tugged you close, your back flush against his chest. You could feel the soft puff of air from his nose rustling your hair with every breath. Eyes sliding closed, you felt your consciousness slipping as you slowly drifted off to sleep in Loki's arms.

* * *

What have I done?

Those were the first words to run through your mind when you awoke the following morning, Loki's arm still wrapped tightly around your waist. You remembered everything from the evening before, of course. You hadn’t been drunk. It was intentional, kissing Loki. In the moment, it felt absolutely perfect. But now, as the morning sun rose in the sky and the romance of this whole trip was coming to a close, all you could think about was what this meant for the two of you going forward.

There was no doubt in your mind that you loved him, which made it all the more terrifying. You'd allowed your feelings to get the best of you, to break the promise you'd made to yourself when you'd first joined the Avengers. There was no going back to the way things were after last night.

The thought of an actual relationship with Loki was overwhelming. In some ways, it was exactly what you wanted, and yet that nagging thought in the back of your mind told you it was dangerous. Someone, some way, was going to get hurt. It was inevitable for someone like you, someone in your line of work, someone with your history, your powers. If you truly cared about Loki, you wouldn’t subject him to the inevitable heartache that would come with being your partner. Better to end it now before either of you became too emotionally invested.

Gently, you grasped Loki’s wrist and moved his arm off of you so you could slip out of bed, hoping not to wake him. Unfortunately, he was already awake.

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” he asked, voice still gravelly with the remnants of sleep, yet still with a teasing air to his tone.

“Have to pee,” you lied, ducking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind you before he could ask more questions.

You still didn't know what to say to Loki when you came back into the main room, so you did what you knew best and avoided his gaze, making a show of digging through your suitcase for an outfit for the day. Loki said nothing while you pulled out a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, rising to your feet with your back facing him and making your way back toward the bathroom.

"You're having second thoughts."

You stopped dead in your tracks, letting out a slow breath through your nose. Slowly, you turned around to face Loki, who had gotten out of bed to stand at his full height. There was a cloud of worry shadowing his face, the same face that last night had worn nothing but a grin and a spark in his eyes. That spark faded quickly as his face fell, realizing his speculations were true when he saw the tears brimming in your eyes.

"I... I never should have let this happen," you whispered, turning your gaze to the floor so you couldn't see the agony in his eyes. "I was irresponsible, I knew what the consequences would be, I-"

"Stop. Stop saying that as though you aren't deserving of love." Loki took a slow step forward, gradually closing the distance between you. "Why can't you simply accept that you can be a hero and have someone in your life who loves you?"

"Because I'm a coward, Loki!" Hot tears spilled over your eyes and streamed down your cheeks, but you held a hand up to stop him from coming closer to comfort you. "Don't you see? I can't possibly love you if it means I'll live in constant fear of losing you!"

"Why do you worry so much that you'll lose me?? Do you think me weak enough to succumb to your strength if you lose control?? Are you honestly worried that you'd hurt me??"

"Maybe?! How could we possibly know?? You've never been subjected to my powers, and I don't intend to test it out!"

Loki chuckled humorlessly. "Foolish girl. You're just looking for any excuse to reject me. Don't try to soften the blow, for Odin's sake - just swing the axe and get on with it!"

"That's not true! Loki, you know that's not true. I would love nothing more than to be with you-"

"Then why are you doing this to yourself?? To me??"

You shook your head, trying to find a way to explain. How could you, when you could barely understand it yourself?

Loki sighed, hanging his head defeatedly and averting his gaze from you. "I'll never understand. But I'm not going to force you to love me when you clearly don't."

"Loki, I-"

"Please. Spare me the hollow apologies and the meaningless consolation. Let's just go home."

Without another word, he turned and strode to the door, swinging it open and slamming it shut behind him. The room fell silent. You were alone.

You'd always be alone.

* * *

The two of you barely spoke during the entire trip home. Loki found somewhere else to sit on the plane so you wouldn't have to go through the discomfort of having to sit by his side and stew over everything that had happened. You found you missed his presence anyway. All you could think about was the story he'd told you on the ride there, about being the D.B. Cooper, and it made you want to laugh and cry all at once.

When you returned to the tower, Loki disappeared into his room without so much as a goodbye. Wanda was waiting for you in the common room. The minute you stepped inside, she sensed something was wrong. You sobbed into her arms for the rest of the evening, recounting everything that had happened in the last four days. She provided you the comfort that only a best friend could, sparing you the usual lecture about sabotaging your own happiness in favor of telling you it would be alright.

You didn't see Loki for days. It wasn't exactly difficult for him to avoid you with the sheer size of the Avengers tower, but you were fairly certain he had stayed in his room for the most part. It took everything you had not to go knocking on his door to apologize, to remind him it was all your fault, that he'd done nothing wrong. What good would it do but to cause the hurt to resurface? He needed time to heal, and you would be of no help with that.

The sadness in you gradually morphed into anger. Anger at yourself for being this way. For letting the fear of the unknown get in the way of your own happiness. Most of all, for hurting the one you loved. So you did what you always did when you started to feel angry - you made your way to the fitness room to fight away your emotions before they got the best of you.

Late in the evening, the fitness room was almost always empty, which made it the perfect time for you to let off some steam without disturbing anyone. You threw on a set of workout clothes, slid your feet into your sneakers and made your way up to the fitness room floor. You didn't bother stretching for very long before jumping right into throwing punches at the heavy bag. The anger was swelling up inside you - you had to release it in the form of physical energy before it overcame your ability to control it.

Thwap

How could you do this to him?

Thwap

Why don't you just let yourself be happy for a change?

Thwap-thwap

You're a coward! You're a monster!

You threw your hands to the sides of your head, pressing them against your temples as the thoughts consumed you. With a growl, you began throwing rapid-fire punch after punch at the bag, each blow harder than the last, watching with satisfaction as the bag began to sway from the force of your fists.

Thwap-thwap-thwap-thwap

COWARD! MONSTER! You're a DANGER to EVERYONE around you!

You sank to your knees, feeling more than hearing a yell tearing from your chest. The pressure in your head made it feel as though it might explode. You cradled it in your hands, trying to hold it together. A blinding light filled your vision, blurring out the room around you. The energy radiated off you in pulsing waves. You heard a mirror on the wall shatter, the pieces clattering across the floor. The chain holding the heavy bag creaked as it rocked with every wave of energy emanating from your body.

The next moments - hours, maybe? You couldn't know - were fuzzy in your mind. You remember the screams that ripped from your throat, the throbbing pain with every thrum of your heartbeat. You remember seeing a shadow in the blinding light around you, a figure coming closer to where you knelt. You remember the feeling of someone's hand in yours, squeezing tight despite your rageful protests. You remember a strong set of arms wrapping around you, a firm hand pressing against the back of your head and guiding your forehead to rest against something soft, something warm.

The pain subsided. The light faded back to the brightness of the fluorescent lights hanging overhead. The screaming ceased, replaced by ragged, quiet breaths as you slowly regained awareness of the room around you. You didn't dare move, for fear that it would all start over again if this figure decided to release you.

You knew who it was before you opened your eyes. The familiar scent of pine and leather filled your nose, calming you with every breath. His fingers ran gently through your hair in an effort to comfort, to soothe. The strong sound of his heart beating rhythmically in his chest grounded you, gave you something to focus on until your breathing slowed and deepened to a normal pace. Only then did you dare to open your eyes and lift your head to look at him.

"How?" you breathed.

"I'm going to need a bit more than that, love," Loki hummed in his familiar, gentle teasing tone. You let out a puff of air through your nose, the best laugh you could muster at the moment.

"How... how did you make it stop? Did you use magic?"

"I didn't."

"Then how?"

"I heard you screaming. I couldn't let you suffer alone." He lifted a hand to gently brush a strand of hair away from your face, tucking it behind your ear. "I wasn't sure what to do, so I just... held you."

"That's... that's it?"

You were in awe that he hadn't used an ounce of magic. How had he not been injured by the energy bursting from inside you? You glanced over to the shattered mirror, where sharp, jagged pieces littered the floor. You'd broken it so easily, and yet here Loki sat before you, completely unharmed.

"You don't have to bear this burden alone. As someone who has done so with my own burdens for far too many years... just allow me to help you carry yours. Please."

A tear dampened your cheek, one you hadn't even realized had been forming. As quickly as it came, Loki brushed it away gently with his thumb. You gazed at him, feeling that same fear welling up inside you that had surfaced so many times before, when you thought you might give in to your feelings for him.

"I don't trust myself," you whispered.

"I don't trust myself either. But perhaps we can trust each other."

You turned his words over in your mind for a moment as he held your gaze, those blue-green eyes of his pleading for you to let him in. Finally, you nodded, a soft smile gracing your lips.

"I'd like that."

A relieved smile overtook his features as he lifted his hand to cup your cheek, steadying himself as he leaned in to slant his lips across yours. You kissed him back, drinking him in as though you needed his kiss to survive.

There, in the comfort and safety of his arms, you finally allowed yourself to accept the one thing you never thought you could.

You loved him. And it felt right.

[honeydazai]

with a reader who has anemia

characters: Kunikida Doppo, Ryūnosuke Akutagawa, Atsushi Nakajima

the first time you suddenly faint in his presence, KUNIKIDA barely manages to catch you in time

he has heard of anemia before, sure, but had no idea what the actual symptoms were

once he knows about your condition, he immediately tries to inform himself as much as possible

yosano is kinda annoyed at this point by how many questions he's asking 😭😭

LISTEN, he just wants to be ready for all possible emergencies!!

absolutely dedicates a whole page in his notebook to “anemia knowledge”

he then tries to help and support you with his newfound knowledge

if you're prone to forget to take your meds, he reminds you to do just that

daily. at the same time. there is no escape

Kunikida also tries to positively influence your diet

you like drinking lots of tea or coffee?? hah not anymore

you're vegan/vegetarian or just don't like meat and fish? fine.

he'll simply buy a book about cooking with vegetables that are rich in iron.

he's honestly not trying to be overbearing, he just wants to help 💔💔

he means well

and just doesn't want to see you in pain or discomfort

please don't get angry at him :(

“Good morning, darling. I'm leaving for work now, but I've already prepared breakfast. It's a new recipe I've read about yesterday. Also, here are your meds and some water to wash them down with. I know you don't like them, but please take them anyway. They're important, alright? Love you.”

when you straight up collapse, AKUTAGAWA has to try his hardest not to panic

he had called you over to him, expecting you to quickly appear at his side

only for you to stand up too quickly and immediately faint, your sight blacking out for a moment

despite trying to act like he doesn't care, he's quick to catch you using Rashōmon

he's a second away from calling Higuchi to get help as you wake up again and explain what exactly anemia is to him

this only results at him getting angry

why haven't you told him before???? this seems like an important thing to know??

while he does seem furious, he's actually just worried

he knows the feeling of being ill and hates it

even though you assure him that his lung problems are most likely much worse than your anemia

informs himself about your sickness, but only in secret

won't tell you he already knows that headaches and exhaustion are common symptoms when you explain that to him

he doesn't want you to know that he cares 🤧🤧

he's the type to get all angry with you if you refuse to take your meds

especially only because you claim they “taste bad”

like

THAT'S NO EXCUSE??

“Take your medication. I don't want you dying on me. What do you mean you don't like them? It's not designed to taste well. Get over it. This isn't worth risking a heart failure for. What? What do you mean how do I know heart failure is a possible risk? I simply guessed. Shut up.”

you and ATSUSHI are standing in line at a store as you notice sudden exhaustion overtaking you

your heartbeat getting faster, sweat pearling on your forehead as your sight begins to blur

you're just like

“hey, Atsushi, I need to go and sit down for a second, alright?”

while trying to gracefully walk over to the next bench

spoiler alert: you don't make it very far before your legs go all numb

Atsushi tries to catch you in time, but he's too far away

instead, he can only watch as you sink down on the floor

luckily, you're not hurt too badly

still, he's immediately incredibly worried

he's like ❗❗😨😭😭

after you explain your condition to him, he always carries painkillers for when you get a headache

always stays at your side to help and support you

you're too exhausted to continue walking??

no problem at all!! the view is pretty here anyway

will sit down on the pavement with you if you suddenly need to rest

if anyone's weird about it, he'll kindly ask them to stop

he definitely explains that you've got anemia to random strangers who are annoyed at you for walking too slowly

just wants you to feel safe and comfortable around him

what a baby :(

“No, no, it's totally alright for us to stop here, don't worry! Look, there's a nice spot for us to sit down and rest. Are you cold? Do you have a headache? I brought painkillers if you need them!”

[if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!]

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

Tag list

@hardlyinteresting @lorna-d-m @livvyshmiv @somethingthatsaysbubbles @greeneyedblondie44 @unbeatablecurlgirl @apparrio @marchingicenotes7 @anteroom-of-death @bruhidaniel @lemairepstuff @thehuiabird @zemosimp05 @alindeluce @iamnotthecatladynextdoor @laura-naruto-fan1998 @trelaney @boneheadduluc @i-am-dead-inside-666 @fictionlandslanddreams

[seoultrippins]

focus | pjm | 01

Summary: Park Jimin is an extremely accomplished con man who takes an amateur con artist under his wing. What he did not see coming was you and him being romantically involved and with Jimin’s profession of being a liar and a cheater for a living, he realizes that deception and love are things that don't go together. Or could it?

Pairing: Reader x Jimin

Genre: Crime, Conman!Jimin, Conartist!Reader, Smut, Fluff

Word Count: 2851

Warnings: Cussing, Slight groping

Status: 1/?

A/N: Hey! It feels nice to be writing on tumblr, I've always wanted to. I 've grown accustomed to publishing my writings on AFF but I thought it'd be pretty cool to start publishing here. I hope you enjoy reading and I am not too sure how many parts there would be but either way don't be a silent rider. The smut in the next chapter will be intense however, so bless me.

From the lazy spin of the fans, to the recumbent light of eventide that will soon be starlit black, the bar soaks in the ambiance of this good night. It's a bar, in a hotel that has a name you could barely pronounce but everyone is attempting to appear proper in their high end suits and attire, as you are. Fidgeting through the skin tight dress you had on, you rested your arm on the bar countertop as you analysed the surroundings. The bar is hundreds of conversations told in loud voices, all of them competing with the live jazz music that dominated the atmosphere. The crowd had a mixture of the young and the old and it was perfect. Perfect to source out for your very next victim. However, as you searched the throng, you felt a strong warmth around your waist and turned around as your eyes met with a desperate pair. Dressed in a suit two sizes bigger than required, the sloppy looking man insisted he had you in his arms. You wrinkled your brows as you realized where this was going, and it was destroying your good mood. Nervously, you removed the man’s hands away but his persistence remained. Whispering filthy nothings in your ears, your hands reached out to push the man away. Frustration boiled through your veins as you desperately thought of ways to remove yourself from the dreadful situation.

“Okay, you know what,” You chuckled nervously. “My boyfriend could be here any minute.” Your hands were busy pushing his persistent hands away as he laughed.

“Yea? I don’t see anyone. C’mon baby, no point lying..”

Rolling your eyes, you eyes scan through the crowd. Eyes evidently searching for someone you could confide in and that did it. Your eyes landed on the gentleman feasting on his dinner. Your eyes widened, handsome is a state of soul that carries through that man. He had that kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. He must get used to that, the sudden pause in a person’s natural expression when they looked his way followed by overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. Lips curling into a soft smirk, you tug the annoying man harshly, eyes meeting his as he pulls away in shock.

“Look, he’s there.” Your index finger pointing to the handsome gentleman who caught your attention confidently. “Fuck off, really.”

Walking past the bewildered drunk man, you breathe your nerves away as you approach the gentleman. You watch the way he sits with such elegance - so poignant and dignified. His white suit was tailored to his frame, and his unbuttoned dress shirt allowed his flawless skin to breathe while his fingers were adorned with precise lines of metallic rings. Fingers wrapped delicately around his wine glass as you watch his eyes shift towards you when voluntarily slip into the seat in front of him. Placing your baguette bag to your lap, you watch him raise his eyebrow in question as you lean forward to explain yourself.

“Could you -” You stopped, turning around to look at the creep still standing by the bar countertop looking right back at you before whispering. “Do you mind being my boyfriend? Like just for a minute.”

Staring at the man in front of you, you watch him smirk behind his glass before gently placing the drink down as he leans back against the soft cushion of his chair. Extending his long, toned legs into a manspread, he leans his face against his fingers as he watches you. Growing confused, you began to fidget in your seat.

“You - you’re not a serial killer are you?” You asked.

He stares, fingers playing with his rings as he shrugs. “That depends. How many times does it take to get to “serial”?” He shoots back.

Your face contorted into a genuine thoughtful expression as you answer. “Uhm..five..?”

“Oh then, no we’re good.” He leans forward as he answers you with a straight face.

This man was something else. You thought to yourself as your lips curled into a smile upon hearing his response. Hand stretching out, you introduced yourself.

“Y/N”

“Jimin.” His fingers slip comfortably into yours as he shakes your hand. It was brief, friendly even - but the way his attractive gaze stayed on yours made it oddly intimate.

“Ha Ha, funny.” You mocked, as you took a sip of the red liquor swirling in the shiny glass. “I only came to you because you seemed awfully lonely. Eating your dinner like that, I just felt so so bad..”

“Yea?” He prodded you with an eyebrow raise. “Then that’s also the reason why you’re here alone, waiting for a non-existent boyfriend you can use to chase away creeps?”

Okay he had a point.

“Hey!” You frowned. “A girl needs time alone alright? Also, you started this unnecessary feud on how you were the best choice in this damn bar. I was just trying to avoid ending up in the newspapers as a missing person.” Your frustration is evident in your tone as he watches you intently.

Not long, the both of you were bursting into bits of laughter as you recount the trivial conversation. Your eyes shifted to your wrist, taking note of the 30 minutes you’ve spent conversing with this stranger and everything seemed oddly perfect. Too perfect even.

“Thank you,” You said as he rested comfortably on his chair. “Thank you for saving me.”

His lips curled up slightly as he nodded. “Yeah, yeah we definitely showed him.” He says as his head points to the creep. The only difference was that he was knocked up, completely unconscious on the countertop.

You laughed. “Damn, was that what I was missing out on?”

As he laughs along, you watch him shift, toned body leaning forward and you couldn’t help but take note of the way his necklace dangled over his neck as he stares at you. “Can I walk you somewhere?”

The air in your lungs became stuck in your throat. This guy was extremely beautiful. His voice sounded like melted honey and it took all you had not to lean forward and take his lips in yours.

“Um,” You began. “I’m actually staying here, upstairs.”

“Really?” He says but you watch the way he fidgets in his seat, hands adjusting his rings and he runs his fingers through his hair - throughout, his gaze is fixed on you.

“Let me walk you there then.”

"Fuck." Jimin was nestled under you, your hips grinding against the evident arousal between his thighs as you drag your lips down his neck.

You shivered, feeling the way his hands travelled down your frame to your ass, squeezing the thick flesh mercilessly as forcefully grinds you against his arousal.

"Fuck Jimin, fuck do that again.." You whimpered.

Lips intertwined, you heart drops to your stomach when you took sight of the way he smiles between the kiss. You nearly forgot why you brought him up here in the first place. Not until the loud sound of your hotel room door crashing open did you remind yourself that you had a task to perform. Rolling your eyes, you switched into character.

"Oh fuck! It's my husband." As you watched Kihoon enter the room, you sprang into the area next to Jimin. Kihoon's fingers gripped tightly on the rifle as he pointed it towards Jimin's face.

"Kihoon wait-"

"Shut the fuck up." Kihoon groaned, his eyes gleaming as he faced Jimin.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Jimin voices, palms up as he surrenders himself to the situation but you couldn't ignore the slight tint of smile in the corner of his lips as he does so. Is this man a fucking psycho?

"Just let him go Kihoon."

"You fucking cheated. No way, he's fucking dead." Kihoon screams, lines of veins bulging out his reddening neck as he does so. You noted the sweat crowding his forehead. "Give me one fucking reason why I shouldn't do it."

At this moment, your heart was racing. You knew there was no intention of shooting Jimin, and it was aggravating to see the man next to you undisturbed by the scenario. His surrending palms were now resting comfortable under his head as he watches you. You sighed internally, coming up with a respond to Kihoon but Jimin cuts you off.

"I'm drawing a blank." He says, eyes shifting away from you to Kihoon.

"What?" Kihoon mutters, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I think you should shoot me." Jimin continues, smile creeping onto his handsome face. "Let's be honest, you've been aggrieved."

"Don't mess with him Jimin. He's done hard time." You tried to salvage the situation as you fidgeted in your spot.

"Yea man, I've done fucking hard time!"

Jimin chuckles, eyes lazily shifting as he stares at you. "Man, if you had any idea what I was about to do to her-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Kihoon yells, his rifle still pointing at Jimin's face, but this man remains unconcerned.

"Please, come on, shoot me." Jimin urges. "You're really doing me a favour. Cancer. Tumour, the size of a peach." He lifted his hand to offer a visual representation as he chuckles. "Shoot me, you'll see."

"Fuck!" You groaned, rolling your eyes as you aggravatedly run your fingers through your hair. "He's onto us, Kihoon. Wake the fuck up."

You watch Jimin sit up slowly as he rolled off the bed. His eyes fixed on you as he fixed his blazer. "Just give us the money Jimin."

"Or?" He challenges.

"He'll shoot you in the neck."

Kihoon falters, eyes shifting to you. "I can't shoot a guy with cancer. My grandma had cancer.."

"He does not have cancer, you idiot!" You groaned. "Get out man."

Your perked up when you hear Jimin laughing as watches the situation unfold. "You guys suck."

He leans forward, sinful hands slipping into his pants pockets. "First of all, you gotta wait till she gets my pants off." He says as he walks to rest against the wall nearest to the door. "Then you gotta give me a chance to run, that's how you get the money and you should never drop the con. You never break. Die with the lie."

"How did you figure this out?" You asked.

"When you stole that creep's wallet before you came to me."

You heave in wrath and fury, you feel your ego breaking through your spirit. Frowning, you questioned. "Then why'd you come up here with me then if you're so smart?"

Jimin shrugs. "Professional curiousity." He walks towards the door before turning around. "Also, I love ass so I figured it's a win-win."

You groaned. "Fuck off Jimin."

"You suck baby."

The cold night was all around as you stepped out of the hotel. Tugging onto your sweater, you hugged your shivering frame as you made your way home. You feel the chill in your blood, coldness bringing the synapses of your brain to a stand still. However, you were still perplexed by the failed operation, and your thoughts kept replaying the scene in your brain. You groaned internally. All you wanted was to get home and sulk on your own.

Until -

"You really should be more aware." You ears perked up at the familiar melted honey voice. Rolling your eyes, you caught sight of Jimin walking up to you from behind, his hands stuffed in his pants pockets. "I've been behind you for two blocks."

You stayed silent, footsteps hurrying but he prods you. "You didn't see me?"

"I don't have eyes at the back of my head." You responded.

"Well, if you're gonna play this game you might wanna grow a pair."

You turn to face him. He was the kind of handsome that got into your bones. He was handsome from the depth of his eyes to the gentle expressions of his voice. Nonetheless, you brushed the thoughts away as you rolled your eyes. "I can take care of myself Jimin."

Shaking his head, he stops you. "No, you're going to get hurt." and when you don't answer, he offers. "Let me buy you coffee."

"I don't drink coffee." Hoping that would make him piss off, you failed, yet again, as he stood across you - silently staring at you. Groaning, you walked away. "Fine.

As he grabbed for the glass door, the two of you strolled side by side, stumbling onto the nearest café. You looked up to see his eyes already locked on you as he reached out to guide you inside the café, and the warmth of it sent an electric chill down your spine. As you took your seat, you gazed out the window at the to watch the thick blanket of snow that had blanketed the grounds. An icy serenade, a coolness to bring out the warmth within. As promised, Jimin comes back to the table with coffee cups in his hands.

"Thank you." You muttered softly, hands reaching for the cup as you caught his staring eyes.

"So, what's your thing?" You began, curious eyes finding his intense ones. "Inside? Roper? You can tell me."

He smiles, taking a sip of his coffee. "Everything. Been in this game for so long."

"Your story. I wanna know all of it if that's okay with you."

He nods, placing the cup onto the wooden table before leaning against his seat. Your eyes lingered over the spread of his toned thighs but chastised yourself for getting distracted.

"My grandfather used to run a crooked game in Busan." Jimin began. "Eventually, my father started shilling for him. One day they get burned. Mobbed-guy catches them throwing signals. Everybody's guns come out. Standoff. No way out. Except one."

Your eyes glued to the man in front of you, completely focused. "The Toledo Panic Button."

Your frowned. "What the hell is that?"

Jimin's chuckles and you don't think you'd ever get used to the sound of that. "You shoot your partner. Proves you're not together."

Mouth agape, you internalize the way Jimin casually spills horrid, explicit details on the world he's associated with. "So your grandfather killed your father?"

"That's the world you're in. Dabblers get killed." He shrugs, raising an eyebrow as he sips on his coffee.

God, was he hot.

You sighed. "Look, I wasn't born into this like you. I was a dyslexic foster kid. No prospects, no future. I mean, it's a minor miracle I'm not a hooker right now."

Jimin smirks at that as he leans his elbow against the armrest. He can't deny that the picture of your delicate hands wrapped around a poll accompanied by the dimmed lighting indeed piqued his interest. Hands grazing his jaw gently as you catch the way his eyes scans your frame. Brushing that act off, you lean forward. "Tutor me, Jimin."

"No." He shakes his head.

"Why not?"

"Why should I?" Jimin shoots back.

Groaning, you reach for your bag as you pulled out a leather Birkin. "Well, look, I could pay you, if that helps ."

Jimin crosses his arms, lips curling into a smile before eventually transcending into a contagious laugh. "Y/N, whose wallet is that?"

"Um," You flipped the wallet open, tugging onto an identity card. "Dr Kim Wooshik?"

He does not reply immediately but stares at your hopeful face.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Jimin says before you could register. Head whipping up to the man in front of you, you watch the way his tongue swipe between his lips, wetting his lower lip as he awaits your response.

"I- are you serious? How do I contact you then?" You stood up when he did.

Your breath hitched in your throat as he closes up on you. Handsome face leaning towards yours as his supple lips lands on your right ear to whisper, "I'll call you."

As he leans back, your eyes catches sight on his hand lifting to your face with your watch in his hands. Eyes widening, you lifted your wrist to find it empty.

"How-"

"I'll see you tomorrow. Stay safe." He walks away, turning around briefly to flash a smile as you stood alone, baffled.