#I mean I am out to her as non-binary but like... it's complicated

[radicaldreemurrs]

ok you are going to have to elaborate on your transfem kris reading. like are they still nonbinary or are we making them a girl. bc if its the second one 😬

well, you're the one ascribing the binary of options here, you tell me.

obviously i'm not forcing them into a binary position, i too am a nonbinary transfeminine person, and also not an idiot. "nonbinary" is already an umbrella term with infinite depths of nuance (it has not been made clear if it's even one they identify with!!), and i think the only case in which kris would be "a girl" is being susie, who already has implications of nonbinary feelings going on with her, too!!

but kris is so, so visibly written to be read as having been coercively assigned male at birth. the chapter 3 egg sequence has signs that proclaim that "THIS IS A MAN'S WORLD", with one sign that feels almost hastily compensating: "NON-MEN ARE A-OK, TOO!" the way that noelle describes riding a ferris wheel with them as "forced", and how that hurts susie just as much (susie also has many implications towards being a trans woman violently alienated from femininity), is textbook internalized transmisogyny, with this idea that trans women are actually men preying on girls like noelle who can't fight back. NOT TO SAY NOELLE MEANS IT LIKE THIS, she probably doesn't realize how much what she's saying hurts and why it does, but her parents are not the most especially on the level with this stuff (rudy is kind of a misogynist even if he plays it off), so we can see where she gets it.

kris themself is also forced into a position of inflicting violence on monsters with a sword, a distinctly male role in older video games. the chapter 3 secret boss route elaborates on this a lot further, especially around their dysphoria based in being a human in a town of monsters, being someone who could quite possibly kill everyone in town without any difficulty, based on how humans are described in undertale. their struggles with identity are definitive to so much of the game, including ralsei, who as mentioned in a previous post is kris's gender feelings projected off of them and into their shadow so they can focus on the grim task at hand. but while having to deal with all of this, kris and ralsei have begun to develop apart, and kris is starting to see things they want to be outside of what ralsei is defined by, they're starting to break out of their old dreams and have new ones, ones about susie, dess, dogs. cool girls have an impact on them, they want to be something like that.

does this mean they have to be A Girl? no, there could be plenty of nuance to all of this, just like with anyone. they would still probably present androgynous, or at least like the cool older girl that wears flannel all the time. they might flinch away from wanting to be called a girl, and that would be completely understandable, because they are well within their right to have complicated feelings about it. don't just break it down into "are they Nonbinary or are they A Girl" as if that's not creating another visible binary. it's not so black and white. you can be many things. you can be a boy and a girl at once. no one can stop you from identifying however the fuck you want.

[s4pphic-sh3nan1gans]

my mum kept annoyingly referring to me as "girl" and "woman" by tacking it onto the end of what she was saying to me (😐) and eventually I got fed up and asked her to stop, which then prompted her to say "okay, so what would you prefer to be called? nerd?"

.........idk if I should laugh or not 😭 cos like she's not wrong-

[askanonbinary]

Hey, im looking to understand more about non binary people. I am strongly feminist and support equal rights etc, but im stuggling with understanding an aspect of people being non binary. What is the difference between being able to present and exist freely in any way one wants, while still being male or female, and being non binary?

I have been wondering if it is the standards and expectations of each gender that is too limiting, making people feel like they have to break out of the gender to be the way they want. It seems i might get pushback on this, which is okay. But i wonder what the difference is between being a man or woman who dresses and acts in any way they like, and a non binary person?

The one worry i have about the internet "culture" of different and specific gender labels is that especially girls who dont feel like they fit in society's very limiting definition of "girl" will remove themselves from the gender rather than be a part of widening the definition.

Could you give me your thoughts on these things?

So I went and looked at your blog and you seem like a normal person, rather than a bigot, so I'm going to take this earnestly and introduce you to what I call "Dome Theory."

Okay, so think about gender in two parts. There’s what is called the “activity of gender” and there’s what is called the “feeling of gender.” The activity of gender would be your participation in things like masculinity and femininity. So as a woman, wearing makeup or dresses. As a man, enjoying sports and physical tasks. This is really limiting, you're right. And when people come up against the limits of it, that might send them to question the feeling of gender. The feeling of gender is a little more complicated though. Because you can feel like your gender for a number of reasons, most of which will be hard to put into words… but you don’t have to participate in the acts that correspond with your gender to feel that.  So you don’t have to be feminine to be a woman or masculine to be a man. Which is a space a lot of people find themselves in when they question, rather than deciding they don't feel like a woman.

I think understanding what I mean, though, requires a bit of understanding of what it means to "feel" your gender. So to explain, I like to go with a metaphor I call “the domes.”  So you know how in the Hunger Games, the games are based in these domes that have their own geography, ecosystems, climate, terrain separate from The Capitol outside?  Well imagine that like gender.  

So for simplicity’s sake, I’m going to focus on men and women and I’m going to reduce the action of gender to one behavior. Just know it’s obviously a tad more complicated. So there are these two domes that have different geography, ecosystems, climate, and terrain based on the action of doing that gender. So let’s say women swim and men climb trees.  So the “woman” dome would have lots of water and docks and you learn to swim. It would be warm so that swimming is comfortable… that kind of stuff. Now, you could be good, bad, or mediocre at swimming (being feminine)… but if you feel like you belong there, that’s your gender.  The feeling of gender is how you feel about being placed in that dome.  A cis woman would be put into this dome as a baby and she wouldn’t feel wrong about being placed there… so she grew up learning to swim and didn’t feel bad or wrong about the climate or geography or terrain of your dome… It didn’t feel *wrong* to her.  That’s how she got her feeling of gender. But let’s say there'a a trans guy.. He would have been placed in the same “women’s” dome with her when he was a baby but he felt off about it. 

Say perhaps he wasn’t good at swimming. Or maybe he was but he just didn’t like it. Or maybe it wasn’t the swimming that bothered him, it just felt too hot in there. Or maybe it was something else.  Whatever it was, he looked outside of the dome and saw a dome right next to him where people climbed trees to get around. They swung on ropes to get from tree to tree and it looked so cool!  

They built houses and stores up in the trees.  There was water to drink and use, but not many people swam in it too much. the forest was dense and beautiful. He decided to take a trip over there and try out that dome. The second he walked in, it felt like home. He could be good, bad, mediocre at climbing tress, he could still swim… but for the most part, that dome just felt like home to him. It felt right. He felt off about being put in the woman’s dome, so he went looking for another place to be. 

Now, for nonbinary people, there are an infinite number of possibilities for domes. Your dome could be about any one thing, it could be about 3 things and really niche, it could change, you could just be out in the open. That's me, I made my own way in a non-binary open space. But we could have so many different domes for those of us who aren't in the man dome or the woman dome. And this, I hope illustrates what takes place in the questioning phase and how someone could find they don't fit in the very small bit of femininity/womanhood, which might lead them to question... but that isn't what the identity of nonbinary rests on.

Does that make sense? Do you have any follow up questions? I encourage discussion

-Mod Zoe Leo

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 11

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Mae Borowski (Night in the Woods)

"Spoilers! She's a college dropout in her early twenties, who suffers from untreated mental illness and dissociation and had a complete breakdown at college, causing her to come home. Now she's living with her parents again, but life in her dingy little hometown went on without her. Her friends are adults now - in a relationship and planning on moving to the big city, or having to waste away in a dead end job instead of following their dreams. Mae is the only one without a new adult role in life. She's not great with people either - she's blunt and often doesn't think things through, and in many ways just doesn't get the world of adults. She's also prone to petty crimes and general anarchy. She's kind of lost and purposeless, and trying to find meaning in life by desperately clinging to the past. Her decision to drop out of college probably saved her life, but it's also put her family in a tough financial situation and is viewed by most people as her just thoughtlessly doing whatever she wants. She's also kind of shamed a lot about not having a job or other productive role in life, despite the fact that her untreated mental issues are actually disabling for her. She also plays the bass real bad. Anyway, i love Mae a lot. Playing this game as a college dropout in my early twenties, sitting in my childhood bedroom in my mom's attic, back in my dingy little hometown, desperately missing my old friends who have all moved on to better, resposible things in life... yeah, it felt like the game was pointing dead at me. Given tumblr's general demographic, i figure i must not be completely alone in this"

Shigeo Kageyama / Mob (Mob Psycho 100)

"autistic. likes milk. if we reach a certain level of emotion we turn into a psychic bomb. cool brothers :)"

Barry the Quokka (The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog)

"Their only skill is working the microwave, they're non-binary, when seeing a trash bin their first instinct is to look through it, they're always the most normal person in the room, they can beatbox, and they were only hired due to being the only one who applied."

Kaveh (Genshin Impact)

"In a fantasy world, be a guy with a regular profession losing his goddamn mind. Poor guy has a guilt complex, (so true) and a lot of deep embarrassment regarding his life.(ehe) He just wants to do what he's passionate about but capitalism is evil and also he keeps getting scammed. Claims to not want anyone to know Things, goes into depth about these Things anyway. Is probably most definitely gay. Can be found face down on a table lamenting his fate. Terrible sleep schedule. (HA) He is such a guy. Wants to believe the world is a good place and people are inherently good. And wants to help people and do good himself. It's just hard. [And he has a roommate. Oh my god he has a roommate]"

"He was, and still is, regarded a genius. He aced his Akademiya days, he has the admiration and appreciation of so many people because he is oh-so remarkable. But what for, when reality is that he sits at home depressed and with guilt consuming him, faking the image people have of him, not only broke as fuck but actually in debt, drowning his sorrows in wine."

Yusuke Kitagawa (Persona 5)

"highschooler who wants to spend the rest of his life doing what he loves. is obsessed with art and beauty and it's on his mind 24/7 received help from his now friendgroup to break from his abusive foster father who he still have complicated feelings with had to move into school dorms and am struggling to live independantly since he'd rather spend money and time on his art but he's still surviving and enjoying the good times id say also ends up saying whatever is on his mind and is pretty eccentric. very passionate about what he loves. doesn't want to do anything else."

Nanami Kento (Jujutsu Kaisen)

"Ex-salaryman, now jujutsu sorcerer. During one life-and-death fight, kept talking about how it was almost six pm with is when he is getting off work at 6pm no matter what because he hates overtime. While his opponent repeatedly almost kills him. Normalest adult in this shonen anime. Teen MC: "Let's go all out!" Nanami: "No. Where moderate effort will suffice, use moderate effort." Some of his quotes from the anime: "I studied at Jujutsu Tech and one thing I learned is that Jujutsu Sorcerers are shit! Then I worked at your typical company and one thing I learned is that work is shit! If both are equally shit I'll take the one I'm more suited to." "You've faced several life-or-death situations, but that does not make you an adult. Finding more fallen-out hairs on your pillow, watching your favourite stuffed bread disappear from the convenience store... The accunulation of these little despairs is what makes a person an adult." "I don't praise or disparage anyone. I adhere to facts and judge on that basis. That's who I am. There was a time when I mistakenly believed society operated the same way." "

[destroy-the-binary]

i need advice about being nonbinary :)

so basically i identify as nonbinary (as a former girl) but. i still present really femininely (and would not want to be considered masculine), am good with she/her pronouns (although they/them work too), and am totally good with being referred as a “daughter”/other gendered-female words, and don’t really care of other people think of me as a girl.

i just know that while i still align with the term girl, my gender isn’t in the binary. when i was questioning (i guess i still am haha) i asked myself first, “are you a girl?” and then second, “fully and only and always?” and the answers went “yes, sure” and then “no.”

anyways my gender is really complicated but i kind of feel like an imposter of sorts when talking about being nonbinary because like for all intensive purposes, i’m not. but for personal purposes, yeah, my gender is not binary.

i’m still exploring specific labels but i’m probably a demigirl or genderfae or something, but i just use nonbinary.

i guess when i think of “nonbinary” i think “neutral” (which is just an inner stereotype thing) but it keeps me from identifying that way. woman? sure. man? no. an extra special ingredient? yeah.

TL;DR: sometimes i feel bad saying i’m nonbinary when i still feel connected to my AGAB.

+ i already came out to my parents so there’s no “backing out” (i don’t think i’m cis but i don’t have more time to think about it yk)

sorry this was so long!

Hello! This is a wonderful question, and one I totally get. I just want to say it right now, you are not any less queer or trans for still being connected to you AGAB. It’s okay to still be okay with some gendered terms. Also, you shouldn’t have to have any pressure to get it right the first time. You have all the time in the world to figure this out, and there’s no deadline, although I do get what you mean, however there is no shame in going “actually, I was wrong. I’m ___.” That’s just as valid.

I do understand the kind of guilt that comes with being a genderqueer person without dysphoria. I have some dysphoria, however I’m genderfluid, and on more feminine days I don’t have as much, which I feel guilty about or feel like I’m lying. I want to make this perfectly clear - you don’t need any dysphoria to be trans. Just you thinking you might not be cis means you probably aren’t, and I’m so happy that you are figuring yourself out.

I understand what you’re feeling, but I want to make it known that you don’t need to figure yourself out right this minute. You can also identify as multiple things. I personally identify as genderfluid, non-binary, trans, and queer. I’m not exclusively non-binary, and I’m not FTM, but I am under those umbrellas, and you can indentify as genderfae or as a demigirl while also being non-binary.

You don’t need to pass a test to be genderqueer. It’s just who you are. And that’s amazing.

[rhube]

On that Assassin's Apprentice retumble:

The Fitz and the Fool books were HUGE to me (don't make me look up what we're calling the series now, it's too complicated - I mean the whole thing). Bear in mind I hadn't even HEARD the word 'non-binary' when I read the first 3 trilogies.

So 18 year-old me is reading this book leant to her by her kind-of-sexist friend (bear in mind, just about everybody was by today's intersectional feminist standards, and, yeah, it was distressing to go to uni and find that everyone was Still Like That; he was slightly more so than others, but hey, at least he never sexually harassed me!) and I was excited by the diverse gender roles on display, although I worried that Fitz was a bit stereotypically macho. And the friend was like: what? No. I found him weirdly feminine! And I am like:

You mean the guy who fights with an axe and gets, like, blood rage, and blood lust and runs about with a wolf and is constantly working out and fighting people? That guy?

And he was like, yeah, he's so emotional!

You mean, he has depression, on account of his fucked up life, which we only know about because we're inside his head, because he literally never talks about his feelings to anyone, until he just explodes suddenly and kind of scares people??

And anyway, I think this guy was more bothered by women being in the guard and generally allowed to not be feminine (while some definitely were!) and was looking for stuff to object to about Fitz, but it was the first example of many things that cis people have said about these books that angered and confused me.

Years later, when Fool's Fate came out, I was at the house of a friend who also loved these books and she was like (vague spoiler), 'Well, at least we finally got an answer about what gender the Fool is.

(This is about the fact that Fitz briefly embodies the Fool's body and still treats him as male.) And I was like... I do not read that passage the same way as you. At all. I hope Hobb never commits to saying what the Fool 'really' is.

My friend did not understand this.

Neither of us had heard the term non-binary yet, but I was clearly yearning to read the Fool that way and she was clearly glad to have something she could read as settling the matter in favour of a single, binary gender.

And now, in the fullness of time, with the latest trilogy, it's not just confirmed, but we have another non-binary character, one who is clearly genderfliud and uses different pronouns much more liberally than the Fool. And Chade is much more clearly acknowledged as purposefully cross-dressing (I don't personally read him as a trans woman, but it is clear that he enjoyed wearing women's clothes and appearing as a woman and it wasn't just to spy; he might be an egg that doesn't crack until very, very late in life, but I prefer to read him as the kind of non-binary that wasn't able to express themselves fully until so late that they don't really know what they are, but they're relieved to finally just live as themselves). I mean, you can't see him emerging from that very long, shadowed life where he literally lived within the walls, suddenly situated in the context of a bunch of gay and non-binary people, without seeing this as a kind of metaphor for coming out of the closet. (I mean, you can, because I only just articulated it to myself, but now it just seems so obvious.)

Meanwhile, my cis friends are just taking Fitz's obvious homophobia and cis-sexism at face value, as if he wasn't a classic unreliable narrator, whose whole life has been about lying - especially to himself!

And then we have the blogger dude in the early years of Twitter who used to read my book reviews and showed up to say that he'd noticed that all the women he knew preferred the first trilogy over the Rainwild Traders stuff, and he thought those were objectively better books, and it was interesting that women preferred the book with the male protagonist, and it someone should really do a study on that and I... just...

You, a white cis het man, noticed that everyone you know (who happen to be female) who has read these books, prefers the first trilogy, and... and... THEY ARE THE ONES WHO SHOULD BE STUDIED FOR BEING WEIRD??? IT COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE THAT YOU ARE THE OUTLIER????

I no longer talk to the first friend. I will forever be indebted to him for introducing him to the books, but he was a sexist ass-hat.

The second now sees herself as a huge trans ally and seems completely unaware that she's been one of the least supportive friends I have stayed in contact with.

The blogger dude I unfollowed long ago.

So, yeah, these books meant a lot to me before I could even fully articulate WHY. And yet cis people have been able to read them and completely explain away or negate what Hobb was doing with gender, because it didn't fit their world views, so they could carry on projecting their biological essentialist fantasies onto books that really are very clear that that is not what is going on.

Anyway, I don't think you can read those books now and understand the experience of what it was like to read them in the 90s and 00s, as they came out. Maybe a modern youngster would be annoyed that the Fool isn't canonically confirmed as non-binary earlier, IDK, but a lot of us just did not have the LANGUAGE to state this stuff that plainly back then. I certainly didn't.

And tbh, having found books that didn't tacitly assume gender essentialism, I have found it much harder to trust that new books will be as refreshingly safe as I found Hobb's.

[absintheandtextbooks]

Ok so I haven’t posted like a proper potentially controversial deep dive here but I need to say some things about this season of Bridgerton. Before I do here are some qualifiers

1. I am not plus size but I am on the chubby end and wear typically a size large.

2. I come from a long line of people who are plus size

3. I think every comment about Nicola’s weight besides the ones she chose to make without pressure to make them are just simply not our business and pretty shitty

4. I want this to be a discussion this is not a hill I need to die on but I think peoples opinions can change and two things can be true.

Ok here we go buckle up

I was incredibly excited when I saw that the new season of Bridgerton was going to have Polin. It actually is what got me to start watching it in the first place, however I noticed a couple things with “the discourse” happening around the show.

Firstly, people were really excited to see a larger actress as a romantic lead which I agree is fantastic! The second is that these same people were very vocal about the height difference between the two of them. In fact how “tiny” she was in comparison was brought up a lot. I’m sure if this post has stumbled across your page a bunch of those did too.

Like some of the comment pieces on the above Forbes article mention, the media seems to have an allergy to “mixed weight” relationships when the woman is heavier-set or bigger in general than the man. What we talk about less is that height is also a factor. Society doesn’t just want women to be thin, it wasn’t them to be small.

I don’t mean to write about this in a “the tall girl movie from Netflix cringe way” but I think there is a nuanced discussion to be had about how we want women to take up less space and how femininity is tied to being small and delicate.

To me, a 5’ 6” ish queer person I’ve been taller than a lot of girls I’m friends with and a bunch of the men and enby or trans people I know. That, personally, has always made me feel bigger and ganglier and less feminine than the other femme presenting people I’m around. I get automatically stuck in a different category. Gaining weight, however, intensified this feeling. It feels as if I am perceived differently because of the combination of these two factors not just each on their own. Everything around us says it’s ok to be tall if you’re super thin and it’s ok (but less ok than being tall and thin) to be bigger if you’re short and dainty. It feels very conciliatory and condescending like a woman can’t take up space if she wants to be loved.

In Bridgerton, the conversations circling Nicola’s weight and height like vultures prey on this idea. It’s not acceptable just because she’s not sample size and that should be normal but because she’s little next to him even when she’s bigger. She can be a romantic lead because the man they show her to be in a relationship with is still bigger and stronger in different ways.

This also puts pressure on masc presenting people too. They need to be taller and often bigger to be accepted as “masculine or manly” which is its own problem I don’t feel as qualified to write about.

I’m sure this has its own complications for people who are non-binary or trans but I just needed to get this out there because it’s been BUGGING me.

Cheers,

Absinthe

[ianthewife]

ok girl. pitch me the silt verses. why should i listen to it. go crazy.

(i trust you because in your other hand you have tlt.)

yippee time to yap about my favorite audio drama, okay okay okay listen so the silt verses are a completed audio-drama (3 seasons, 45 episodes (i myself am on ep. 34 rn)) that starts with two cultists, Sister Carpenter (all-around tired, angry at the world, was born into the church but is losing her faith rn) and Brother Faulkner (a young convert who believes fervently and perhaps thinks himself a prophet) on a road trip— i mean a holy pilgrimage. Cause they are both followers of an illegal river god. And yes this modernish world is chuck full of gods who have a direct influence on the world, and the government basically decides who it is legal to worship or not. The worship in question involves chill and casual human sacrifices and horrific transfigurations (if you like body horror, this is the podcast for u). In fact in the setting people design, develop, commercialize and weaponize gods all the fucking time, so really interesting world-building stuff, seriously i love it here. Not gonna go into the plot progression, but it starts out great and gets better and better with every season, i am on season 3 and just constantly blown away.

The writing all in all is really spectacular, sound design is top notch, voice acting is straight up Insane, like there is quality!! Character interactions are to die for, seriously very dynamic, very entertaining. Btw if you love complicated messy very true sibling dynamics, set up camp right here. Also id say pretty good and fun balance between grim tones of a greek tragedy waiting to happen and insanely funny moments and situations (though im in season 3 and it’s mostly grim somebody send help). And the themes!! The themes! The interconnection between hopelessness and hope, the painful difference between a faith and a religion, horrors of capitalism, tragedy and stupidity of war and sm other good stuff. Character cast grows w the progression of the story, we see different places, different perspectives, so really a lot to dig your teeth into, can recommend!!

Also diversity win! We have an aromantic legend of the cult who is trying so so hard to divorce god, our doomed false prophet of the river is trans, there is a transwoman who is basically jesus if jesus went from marketing job to anarchism, and we have non-binary people from politicians to cultists to literal god-killers—

To a normal person id make a little disclaimer that it might be a bit disorienting a couple of first episodes cause there isnt much exposition from the top but as for a fellow tlt fan i know you have nothing to fear, we went through so much more confusing things during harrow and nona the ninth…

So if you do decide to give it a listen, plsss tell me what you think, tlt is my Favorite Thing Ever and tsv is my Also Favorite Thing Ever

[spasticspaceshp]

Idk who's going to bother to read this rant but maybe someone will and relate to some parts of it so here goes.

The asexual and aromantic experience is wild when you have nothing but love to give.

For context, I generally don't use any specific labels because it's just a lot of work to explain, but using the more generic ones, I know a few things about myself.

I'm non-binary, polyamorous, and land *somewhere* on the ace and aro spectrums. I only use pangender as a term cuz I'm biased to the flag. It looks pretty, and it's close enough. I've debated if I'm trans, but I'm not uncomfortable in my body so I haven't bothered to pursue anything, and I'm only ace/aro because there is just a complete lack of drive/attraction/instinct whatever it can be called, in my body and psyche. I am a soul in a vessel here to experience things, but attraction is not one of them, apparently.

I'm a sex positive ace though. And I know all the technical terms I fall into but it's just complicated. I don't really use any kind of term for sexual preference, but I know I like men, and can develop sexual attraction under the right circumstances, and I like women aesthetically, but I can't say I'm NOT sexually attracted because I've never been with one. And the weird fear about trying is exactly the same fear I had about men. So ya know.

But I want to love. To be loved and especially to give love in return. I don't make a lot of friends cuz I don't get attached, with the exception of getting adopted, and my best friend who I chose all the way back in 2nd grade. I'm in my early 20s now and her and I live together, so you can see that it means something.

I've also recently started dating this guy who is exactly in the perfect sweet spot of everything I am attracted to, and not just visually. (Who actually cares about appearances anyway?) He's very sweet and kind to me, has a perfect balance of similarities and differences to myself, highly values communication and listens to what I have to say, understands my needs and how I function, and overall matches my energy. (He's very mellow but I'm working to bring out the crazy side I know is in there, lol.) To be honest it's damn near one of those too good to be true things. He's also poly, not entirely cis, and completely embraces my gender identity, or lack thereof. He's devoted and healthily obsessive and possessive and it's mutual. We also completely agree on our stances about kids and marriage, which is that we want neither. (At least not getting married on paper, he absolutely wants to wife me and I'm not mad about it.)

What makes me feel almost guilty, or honestly more like I'm defective, is that he's had all these realizations and transcendent moments that you would expect out of finding the person you're meant to be with. But I haven't. Don't get me wrong, I completely share the sentiments, I want him just as much as he wants me, and the devotion is mutual, I just haven't felt it. I know I love him, I know that I'm happy, I know that what we have is extremely promising and healthy. I just feel like I'm missing what everyone else gets to experience. I've talked about it with him too and he's so very understanding. Maybe I'm just terrified of myself. That I'll ruin it without even knowing, simply because I'm not designed to have this. I also know that thinking that is bad for manifesting.

Like just listen. (I'm also into witchcraft and astrology,) And my literal human design works against some of the things I want. I want to sleep next to him, all the time, but I have genuine trouble sleeping next to another person even just in the same bed as me, let alone within elbow distance. Sometimes it's hard if they're even in the same room. And that fact was literally stated in one of my readings. There's something in my autistic little brain that can't seem to let my breathing match theirs, and it's a natural thing for humans to do, but it somehow drives me crazy. I want to kiss and hold and have sex and all those things, but I'm difficult. Finding satisfaction in intimacy is a literal challenge, even with help from toys or other stimulus. He's been so patient and understanding with that too and it's done wonders for the shame trauma I grew up with, but it's also just frustrating, because I feel constantly inadequate or like I'll accidentally give off the impression that he's not enough. And that's not true. (Even if there's some things he could stand to learn.) It's all just that typical asexual "I feel broken" kind of angst. But it's still a very real experience that haunts me. I'd love to believe that going on T would fix me, but I know it's not true.

Honestly I kinda lost where I meant to go with this. It's very TMI, but he says I feel like home to him, and while I don't think I feel the same thing, wording wise, we both agree that even though it's been almost 3 months, it feels like we've known each other for forever. Please excuse me for being a sap but genuinely I'm like, yah I found it. Cliché romance novel shit and everything. It's been very soft and comfortable so far. I still have to egg him into actually biting me like he means it, but at least I know I'm safe with him. He lets me show a bit of dominance too, so there's not any kind of power imbalance, and I'm so very excited for whatever future we get to have.

Idk. I think I had a lot of other sappy poetic shit to say that I forgot about, but I guess the overall message is that when you know what you want, it doesn't matter if you're ace, aro, anything in between, or nothing at all, you can find the love you're looking for. Have some faith in yourself. You're not broken, you're not missing anything. Whatever kinds of relationships you have, platonic or romantic or anything else, the right people do exist. You just have to first be sure of yourself, and sure of what you're looking for.

Yada yada yada, I'm gonna go take a nap.

[theresa-draws]

i've been playing veilguard non-stop since launch and i'm currently 40h in and still completing companion/side quests, so here are some slightly spoilery thoughts up to mid-game:

Pros:

i am here for the ancient elven and titan/dwarven lore

the combat is quick and actiony, i'm getting the hang of the dodging which is better than blocking or parrying for me - it feels like genshin at times if i had to compare LOL

lighting's great, game loading's fast.... really worth the time loading those shaders every time I start the game

MY INQUISITOR LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL IN THIS GAME and she doesn't sound too OOC.... yet

it felt like Mythal is still watching over The People, and considering Miha had Mythal's vallaslin before Solas removed them, there's a layer of complicated solavellan feelings that i love with the veilguard revelations

i can see some chemistry between my rook and davrin/lucanis...... eyes emoji

solas and rook can taunt each other, although i don't like how much information we're giving him..... he needs us more than we need him and this is the dread wolf from the legends after all he'll use it against us when he has the chance

the bits of inquisition soundtrack + bard songs hurts me in a good way

taash's personal quest about personal identity so far hits the mark for me, whether it's exploring being non-binary or someone between two cultures

lucanis has that old dragon age flavour.................. that's endearingly cringe and oh-no-am-i-into-that

davrin's voice + assan is a potent combination, will rook be a new parent with davrin who knows at this point i'm flirting with three different companions and i'm taking them everywhere with me

i liked being taken by surprised by the game (minrathous vs treviso) but it was an easy choice for me...................... sorry my elf rook is going to be tevinter imperium that did all that shit magical city with advanced technology vs assassin venice city whose waterways are about to be poisoned.....

i like bellara's personal quest so far, dealing with grief and regret and feeling like you're not good enough when people are counting on you to be :(((

you can play rock, paper, scissors with manfred when he's chilling outside at the lighthouse!!!

the lighthouse is slightly customisable like skyhold, thanks solas!

the armours look ugly, the appearance customisation is sorely needed (i'd like an armour mod for the inquisitor, she is wearing her pajamas out again!!!!)

i like seeing the more villainous side of solas as elvhen history remembers him, he's not completely righteous even ruthless to his own people at times but he did what he did (like his chess game with ironbull, he sacrificed so much to get his intended outcome) it's a nice contrast/parallel to rook and the inquisitor

YOU CAN PET CATS AND DOGS IN THE CITIES!!!

Cons:

narrative/dialogue feels hand-holdy (yes bioware, i know the LoreTM stop making them repeat it at me like i'm 12)

pacing is Wack, it's rushing to get to the story beats and then i'm being punished with the minrathous/treviso choice for wanting to recruit davrin ASAP ???

everyone sounds so sedated, is that a choice in the voice directing? or is it like the tone in the lines or something............ the characters have no bite! they're so nice,,,,,,,, even rook can't be too stoic or mean or ruthless! i think that's where the complaints about the marvel-ish lines are coming from (if i hear another character say "whatever it takes", i am going to lose my mind)

Lacklustre and boring soundtrack swinging between hunger games films and assassin's creed revelations, the most recognisable part of it is the inquisition soundtrack

Lords of Fortune suffers in the costume design department the mage outfit is garbage fire, what the hell is going on in the designs for Rivaini outfits

because they killed off Flem-mythal, they brought in Mythal-rrigan...... even though her character arc was about not wanting to become Flemeth (how many pieces of mythal are there???) even the way she talks is less morrigan and more flemeth :((

it's not fun to explore only to realise certain areas are blocked by story quests, or things that require companions you don't have in the beginning of the game

you can't speak with companions whenever you want, i'm feeling like bellara's hanging out with emmrich wayyyyyyyy more often than me and i'm trying to romance her ;A; maybe i should switch to davrin my other first choice

isabela has a very shallow cameo, she's just there to make innuendos and references in a winkwink nudgenudge way

there's a spirit of compassion! it's not cole though................

varric is talking only to me, solas knows varric is talking only to me.... is there a connection there? is he using varric to guilt trip or get inside my head?

getting the party to sit around watching solas' regrets/memories like it's movie night sets a very weird tone for those scenes lol

romance is taking a long time to start/advance did i miss something??? guess i need to clear some personal quests or advance the main story (but i don't want to get punished for advancing the main story)

matt mercer voices the viper, anaris and manfred........ and it's taking me out of the game lol all i hear is matt mercer

i want to exchange rooms with lace harding, i feel like the plants and pond fit isen more than the huge aquarium

i am not clicking with neve and i don't know if it's because i missed her quest/didn't save minrathous/she cares about nothing else other than dock town and my rook is getting blamed for the venatori bullshit

haven't met elgar'nan but his voice is grating.............. it's sneering and nasal and i'm-an-evil-villain-oooh kind of voice, i thought he'd be more charismatic :( at least eldritch wife ghilain'nain is a horrific mad scientist as expected

[calciumcryptid]

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Selina Kyle from Detective Comics

I mean, I have to include the woman who started it all.

What is there to say about Selina Kyle? She is an icon, she is a legend, and she is the moment. I love her unrestrained promiscuity. Ever little tangle I've had with my femininity as a non-binary person, she was always in the back of my mind her catsuit encouraging me. I love her unrepentant fury, no matter if it is Bruce or one of the other Sirens. While it is practically written out now, she was initially a sex worker and I always find characters were are/were sex workers cool. Her aesthetic is one that has followed me throughout my life into the person I am now, especially her short hair eras. Despite it all, she has a major desire to help in whatever way she decides.

Kyoutani Koutarou from Haikyuu!!

Oh, does this boy have it all.

He has the issues with authority. He is a loner. He is treated as dog despite routinely being asked not to. He only came back to the team when someone he respected convinced him to try again. He has barely uncontrollable rage. He was slammed up against a wall by his totally not love interest. He is an undiagnosed autistic. He chills out in his older age. He doesn't follow the team captain, but rather the team captain's boyfriend because he views him as alpha dog. He is, ultimately, a side character so I can project everything onto him.

I mean, what don't I like about him?

Pete Saengtham from KinnPorsche the Series

I couldn't end this list without mentioning my specialist little guy.

One of the things I adore about KPtS in general is the masks all the characters wear, but Pete's particular mask is so fascinating and so undeniably relatable to me. The way he covers his simmering rage with a happy face, and he isn't truly genuine with anyone including his supposed friends is so deeply moving to me. I saw a snippet from the novels where he said "Yeah, the dog thing is complicated". When I say I collapsed onto the floor, shaking from it all I meant it. I am not kidding when I say people's take on Pete is how I measure if their KPtS opinions are good or not because I adore him and I highly doubt there is going to be another character that gets me like him (He is even demisexual and in a demisexual4demiromantic relationship).

[askanonbinary]

I don’t really know if I am non- binary, but I thought about my gender for a while. First I thought I might be trans male, but I can’t really identify with “boy”. I always liked to dress more masculine as a child and was more comfortable with wearing a binder and i am sure, that i am not 100% female OR male but I am not uncomfortable with being called she/her. I am afraid, that it is just a phase or I just do it to be special or to get attention. What should I do? How can I be sure that I am non- binary or sth other?

; really you can never be " sure " whether you are something or not, and there is always the chance what you're feeling is a phase. But phases are natural and perfectly fine, they're a part of human nature and nature in general. A season could be considered a phase, but just because it's winter officially the day after, doesn't mean it wouldn't be at the time autumn, the point is in this phase of time you may feel more comfortable identifying as non-binary, because that's what you are right now. Even if that changes. So I wouldn't worry yourself to pieces over whether you're lying to yourself or are " faking it to get attention ". People who fake things don't normally worry about whether they're faking it or not, it's usually a conscious decision you know ?

; gender is a complicated and personal thing, and it's hard to label or identify such a thing. So again, take your time in figuring it out, and don't feel pressured to have it all figured out immediately. And pronouns don't necessarily have a correlation to gender, neither does expression; If you wish to dress masculine and wear binders, but simultaneously aren't against she / her, then that's okay !! You're still non-binary .. Or whatever you want to be.

; good luck on figuring everything out !! Take your time and be gentle with yourself.

; - sincerely, Mod Xela

[our-questioning-experience]

tm for swearing/cussing bc i need to wash my mouth with soap

im afab, and i feel a conection to womanhood and stuff but at the same time im like "is gender for real?" "am i girl?" "what the fuck is a woman? am i one? i dont know shit"

and like, i use she/her pronouns and they are fine, but im an actor and most (all) my characters are male and use he/him so getting in character everyone uses he/him on me, and a guy say he was sorry because at this point he has trouble seeing me as a woman and out of character he (and everyone) accidentaly uses he/him on me and like coincidence, a lot of my characters are named a variation of the name "juan" so everyone calls me juan (there a lot of people named like me in the club so its more easy that way), and i dont mind, i dont mind people using he/him on me, i dont mind being called juan, i dont mind they dont see as a girl

one time i surprised myself because i started to think about myself in he/him pronouns (my mother language, spanish, is really gendered) and it feels weird but i accidentaly use it

and like i said before, i feel a conection with womanhood/girlhood, i dont think i feel the same with manhood/boyhood but he/him is fine??? most times??? sometimes he/him feels so weird and other times fine???? but girl is always there so its no like gender fluid and that, fuck i know

(i dont really think im like non-binary (not refering to the spectrum, just the non-binary) bc all that woman stuff and i also dont like they/them on myself)

gender is too confusing, i'd like an answer but at the same time i think it would complicate stuff??? idk, what i do like to know is my pronouns, because yeah, she/her is always fine but he/him depends a lot on the person using the pronouns and how i feel at that moment

so, to sum up, everything is confusing, i dont know shit, fuck gender for being so complicated

yeah gender is confusing as fuck. i mean, you could absolutely be a girl and also use he/him pronouns but i know that's not always super helpful with the confusion.

[neos-schlond-poofa]

An Ode to Angie Beneviento

Okay, so this actually will be a semi-serious post. LIKE I know I don't usually post serious stuff unless its an angst edit HOWEVER it IS Angie's birthday and she actually is a very important character to me. Obviously not the most important character to me though, that's Donna, but that is another post for another birthday.

But... I really love Angie's route. And it's really important to me. And anyone who knows me knows that I'm not really an open person about serious stuff (I THINK?? sam if you read this tell me pleak) or I'm talkative, but I think this is worth putting out there. Especially because of how much it means to me.

I'm ace. Like this really isn't me coming out, like I've always kind of been out as ace?? But I never really said it either on here but like I am ace and I never tried to hide it at least. This is so odd like this is kind of like me coming out. But it isn't. BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT. I just need to say that so this makes more sense.

Seeing Angie just straight up say she's asexual just made me feel so happy.

I can't tell you a single other ace person in media that (that isn't Todd from Bojack or also aromantic), and just seeing someone really silly like me? That made me feel so nice.

I tried to wish away me being ace before. Like, completely fine with the gay and non-binary stuff for the most part, but being ace? Hated it. Like, I don't like ess e ex (I really don't want this post to be hidden because I used the word), nor did I ever really have an interest in it. And I didn't want to have an interest in it really. Kind of? It's complicated.

I wanted to be like the others really. I've had relationships before where I hate myself for being ace, because I have never had an ace partner, and I just will never be enough for them because of that (minus the one time I did have an ace partner, but they were very disliking of physical touch which I do love). I used to try to convince myself that I can just stop being this way, I can change for them, all so they wouldn't leave me. I was ashamed of being this way, despite being so usually proud of my other parts of my identity. There was even a time when one of my exes tried to convince me that I wasn't ace too, but definitely didn't make this situation worse. I just didn't like being this way.

Although, it wasn't as strong when I started playing Resident Lover + when I got into my current relationship. Like, I am fairly fine now. Yeah, I still kind of do feel bad for being ace but like? Who cares? I mean I do but I know them and I know she would never hate me for that, it's just perfect. I love them so much.

But I still always have those thoughts. And I'm not saying Resident Lover completely eradicated those thoughts... but they did help them.

Seeing Angie just... openly say she's ace and set her boundaries and MC just accepting it? It was like. Amazing. I never really saw something like that (Todd from Bojack does NOT count, he is a guy. And I am not a girl either but I feel closer connected to girls because they're so much sillier and nice plus also like Angie more).

It was just so nice seeing representation that I hadn't really seen before, and one where I could see a character get into a happy relationship with someone they really love, and it all work out. Angie helped me accept being ace, she's helped me being proud of it, unlike any character before (okay sorry Todd). And, it's her birthday. And not that many people in this fandom appreciate her. And I know not that many people in the fandom will read this (you guys hate long posts despite being in a visual novel fandom... what is this don't you guys love reading???), but I still wanted to share it. To share MY personal story and how Angie is important to me, and just one of the many reasons why this game is so important to me too.

I love Angie Beneviento.

[invadernurse]

Catching Flies (Revised) Ch.11

Eh? Eh??? She's back?

Yep. I am.

If you're unfamilliar with the story: It's an Invader Zim fanfic with a Found Family trope, a slow burn romance with Professor Membrane, and a afab non-binary teacher!Reader (that's really more of an OC than anything at this point.)

Anyways Here's the link to the first chapter. And a link to the master post. And the previous chapter in case you wanna see if that sparks your memory.

Chapter 11: House of Chaos

Overall rating: Teen

Summary: You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. That’s what they say anyway.

Teacher!Reader makes the mistake of trying to help the two most troubled kids in your class. This leads to forming a science club, learning some childhood psychology, adopting an alien older than you, and somehow catching Professor Membrane’s interest.

Afab Non-binary Reader;

The reader does have a last name: Nemo– which means no-name.

The Membrane house was a bit different than you expected. You had thought it would be something grand-- a high-tech and sleek home that was the height of both technology and modern architecture. Instead, while it did stand out, it was also more...common. Like an ordinary two story house that was slightly modified but not much. And the inside, while eccentric, was normal. 

Absolutely normal.

It was so extremely weird. 

"So this is your teacher?" A small girl appeared next to Dib, who had answered the door along with Zim. She peered at you through thick eyelashes, a dark look in her golden eyes. "They don't look special."

"Gaz, be nice," Dib warned, shooting his sister a look. "Please?"

You offered a faint smile, a little disturbed by the odd feeling climbing up your spine. You weren't exactly one to believe in auras and energies, yet something about Gaz was decidedly ...different. You vaguely recall Meyer’s words, and could almost believe them. Almost. 

"You must be Gaz,” you greeted after a moment. “Your reputation precedes you."

She briefly looked at your offered hand and decided to glare at you instead. "And?"

Was this really an elementary student? She seemed far more than just a child. You could almost see why Meyers seemed so terrified of her. "...I try not to let my first impressions be tainted by other people's opinions," you said after a moment, gaining a faint smile. More of a smirk, really.

"Wise idea." She dismissed you as she pulled a GameSlave2 from her pocket, already absorbed in it by the time she settled on the couch. 

"Gaz is a terrifying creature," Zim whispered as the boys led you away from the living room and into the kitchen. "I have yet to see another human as formidable as her. Thankfully, as long as you don’t interrupt her video games or get between her and pizza, she will leave you alone.”

“Uh huh,” you said doubtfully, though you couldn’t help but notice the slight awe in his voice. 

“Master Dib! Oh and guests!” A robot rolled into view as you entered the kitchen, and as odd as it was, it made absolute sense for the Membrane home. It wasn’t anything like Zim’s parent-drones, but a blocky kind of robot, a chef’s hat on its head and an oven inside its body. “May Foodio 3000 interest you in an afternoon snack? Pizza rolls? Fruit? Smoothie? A nine-course banquet?” 

“Uh, pizza rolls I guess,” Dib answered distractedly as he set his computer up on the table. 

“Perfect! And for you?” The robot turned towards Zim expectantly, a smile on its simulated face, which Zim glowered at. 

“I don’t want any of your disgusting food,” he waved him off, settling into the chair across from Dib, while you reluctantly took the last seat. 

“Disgusting?” The robot… gasped. Somehow.  “Au contraire! I am the latest Foodio model, able to cook any desired course in a matter of minutes! From delicate baklava to something like a simple corn dog, nothing is too complicated for me! Please, I must insist! What is your favorite dish?” 

“Just order something,” Dib said before Zim could open his mouth. “It’s a fault in his programming, but he won’t give up until he gives you something.”

“Fine,” Zim sighed. “How about, I don’t know, a taco. Meatless!” he quickly added, “And plenty of that one sauce, what does Gir call it again? Flaming poo of death?” 

“Ah! Taco palace’s infamous deathly poo sauce!” Foodio’s eyes lit up as he clapped its hands together before turning to you. “And for you?"

“Uh,” you paused, racking your brain before asking about your favorite snack. 

“Perfect! I will be right back with your food!” 

“Whatever happened to Clembrane?” Zim asked as you watched in fascination as Foodio buzzed about the kitchen, his two hands moving faster than your eyes could keep up. 

“He just disappeared one night,” Dib answered, apparently knowing who (or maybe what?) Zim was referring to. “Which is kinda disappointing, I was starting to like the pudding too. Dad was happy though, he thought it meant he was completely healed from his hallucination.” 

“What?” You turned back, brows knitted in confusion at the last piece of the conversation. Both boys paused, as if caught red handed. 

“Nothing!” Both boys denied instantly, making you even more suspicious. You readied yourself to pry more when you heard a door open. The door just off the kitchen had opened, and you presumed it was to a basement of some sort as Professor Membrane stepped out, wiping some kind of dust off his white lab coat. 

"I figured you boys were ready to start on the blueprints today." Membrane stated as he entered, making you pause. You knew he had expressly invited you, but you were still expecting some kind of negative reaction. Instead, he seemed more preoccupied with a small device in his hands. "I borrowed this prototype from the R and D department. I think it will be quite helpful, and there is only a moderate risk of it self-destructing…" 

Professor Membrane trailed off, and it took a second to realize his attention was on you. You blushed and gave a small wave shyly, which seemed to spur him to action. 

"R-right, Mx Nemo. Sorry, I was, ehem, joking about the risk of this exploding. It's quite minimal, I assure you." 

Did he...stutter? The realization caught you off guard as he settled in between the boys, directly across the table from you. Yet there were no other oddities in his behavior; in fact as soon as the small device turned on, creating a holographic model of the boys' device, it was pure professionalism. 

Well, not pure professionalism. You were delightfully surprised to watch the three discuss the schematics, even if it was completely impossible for you to try to follow along. The discussion of hydraulics, power sources and outputs were far out of your level comprehension, but obviously not theirs. And watching the boys engage positively with someone other than you, someone who completely understood them, was amazing. Professor Membrane was patient to listen to them, and then either agree or explain the flaws or alternatives that would be better. 

After a while, however, you started to wonder what exactly you were doing here. The three were obviously off in their own little world, the two boys actually behaving and arguing productively without fighting or name calling. 

Maybe you should just leave? You glanced up at the clock; it was approaching supper time. You could use that as an excuse, even if Foodio's snack had quelled any hunger. 

"Are you sure we can't add a laser?" Membrane asked almost petulantly, drawing your attention from your thoughts. "It's the most practical means for guidance and targeting."

"You read the requirements," Dib sighed, scratching his head. "No lasers. Plus it would be too much for the battery. We're already pushing it."

"Well if you let me put a fission fuel cell there, we would have enough power for a million lasers to destroy our enemies with!" Zim snarled, frustration evident in his voice as well as the snarling expression on his face. 

Dib sighed and rubbed his nose. "For the last time, Zim. We're not using a nuclear power cell and it isn't a weapon. It's supposed to be for exploration only."

"We would explore our enemy's world first and then destroy them!" 

Zim started with the maniacal laughter until Gaz (who must have entered during the discussion without you noticing) decided it was too much and threw a cookie at him. "It's too early for that, Zim. Shut up."

"Now daughter, throwing food at our guests isn't nice."

"But his voice is so annoying." Gaz made her way from the counter to your side, and you tried not to act unsettled as she glared up at you with squinted amber eyes. "Are you smart enough to be more than cannon folder?"

"Uh…" What?

"We've talked about recruiting others for your schemes, Gaz," Professor Membrane said without missing a beat, his attention not even drifting from the holographic model he was tinkering with. "Besides, Mx. Nemo is hardly cannon fodder."

You swore he glanced at you from behind his goggles, yet you could see nothing but the light reflecting off them. Either way, you were highly curious, and rather disturbed, by what they meant by ‘cannon fodder.’ And the fact they were discussing it as if talking about meaningless death was normal… 

"It's Vampire Piggy Deus Ex Machina 3,” Gaz explained to her father, as if that made perfect sense. Which, it did actually. You were well aware of the Vampire Piggy series. “I need a second player and no one online is volunteering. Their day will soon come where they will regret not offering their sacrifice to me, but first I have to beat this boss." 

"While video games have their benefits, I am sure Mx Nemo likely has more important things to do," Professor MEmbrane sighed before you could say anything. “I can assist you later tonight or tomorrow.”

“But I need it now,” Gaz growled, clenching her small fists. “I have the other side quests completed. This is the only one left! If I don’t get it done now, I will die.” 

"Actually, I enjoy the Vampire Piggy saga,” you boldly interrupted as Professor Membrane sighed at the child’s dramatics. “I haven't played the Deus Ex Machina spin offs yet, but I'd be willing to give it a shot. I haven't been much help to you boys anyways." 

--+--

Was it slightly immature and improper of you to slip away from where your students were working to play videogames with their younger sibling? Probably. Would you have a massive anxiety attack about it later? Undeniably. 

Were you enjoying yourself as you and Gaz cleared out a den of vampiric swine together? Absolutely.

 The girl played far better than you expected someone of her age group with her quick reflexes and keen mind. There was no looking up walk throughs or anything as you put your minds together to figure out the puzzles, or strategize to defeat the Boar of all Vampires. 

It was like a throwback to your college days, making you almost giddy. When was the last time you were able to play a video game? Usually you were so overwhelmed with papers to grade and plans to revise that you never had time to even think about it.

Granted, you still had those left to do, and would regret this come morning. But right now you were enjoying the fleeting happiness and serotonin.

"Gazleen, Mx. Nemo, Dinner will be ready in exactly ten minutes and thirty seconds," Foodio called, and you glanced over, seeing the oven (?) that comprised his middle section glow warmly, though you couldn't see what was inside. "Please find an acceptable place to end the game and join us in the dining room."

"Ugh," Gaz sighed, already opening the menu to save while your gaze shot to the clock. It was a quarter past seven, which was far longer than what you intended. 

You swore under your breath, then winced as you noticed Gaz's cheshire smile, confirming she heard you. "I really should head home. It's far too late and I…"

"No no no! Dinner is nearly complete! I have calculated everything perfectly for everyones over all nutrition and dietary needs!" If it was possible for a robot to look distressed, Foodio looked absolutely panicked as it interlaced its fingers. "Having guests over has been an exciting new experience! Please stay!"

"Don't reject his food," Gaz muttered from your side. "He tends to malfunction when you do and can get a little murdery." 

You quickly looked between the robot and the small girl, trying hard to decide if she was kidding or not. Surely Professor Membrane wouldn't allow a defect like that to be around his children. After all, children could be notoriously picky eaters. 

Or maybe that was the way he got his children not to complain about their food. You couldn't tell if that was insane or brilliant.

"Mx. Nemo, I insist you stay. It's the least I could do to repay you." Professor Membrane spoke as he exited the kitchen, no doubtedly hearing your protest. 

"Y-you don't need to repay me…" you protested, wringing your hands together nervously. It was one thing to visit a student’s house to help with an after-school project…. Then end up playing video games for over an hour. But then to stay for dinner? As Repayment?  For what? "Honestly, I've been unprofessional enough today." 

His head tilted slightly while he crossed his arms. "I'm puzzled, I haven't seen any kind of unprofessional  behavior from you, today or any time before." 

You opened your mouth, already partially gesturing to the large tv where the game system's home screen was still visible, before Gaz grabbed your hand and pulled hard. 

"Just give up now and accept your fate." 

--+--

Surprisingly, dinner was going much better than you expected. It was more like a family affair despite you and Zim's presence, with all three children bickering between mouthfuls of food; something about bigfoot versus yeti which went over your head. Not that you were paying much attention. 

You had taken the seat next to the professor, and subsequently was pulled into an...interesting  conversation.

"Dib had explained how there was a reassignment for the science club," He started, eyebrows knitted in a frown. "I have to admit, that is quite disappointing."

"I know, I was so pi--frustrated," you quickly corrected as three pairs of relatively innocent eyes focused on you, as if they had specialized hearing for forbidden words, "when I was told. Mr. Boltzmann and Meyers made their mind up and I didn't even get a chance to throw my two cents in. I mean, I know I'm not exactly an expert in the scientific field, but no one else was trying. No one seemed to give a damn, and I bet that they still don't. Boltzmann only cares because he has new equipment to play with, and Meyer's a sexist pig who seems to thrive on causing misery." You stabbed the carrot with a little more force than needed, the metal of your fork scratching against the plate. The jarring sound broke through your dark thoughts and reminded you of your surroundings. 

Gaz didn't seem to be paying any attention as she devoured the pizza slice in front of her, while the boys on either side of her were either snarling with rage (Zim) or at least upset on your behalf (Dib.)

But you were more worried with the Professor's reaction to your impromptu rant. While he may somehow find your somewhat unprofessional behavior acceptable to this point, there was no way he wouldn't frown upon such behavior (or language) in front of the children. 

Of course, there was no possible way to study his facial expression; the goggles reflected the light that hung over the table, and the collar of his lab coat still covered everything below the bridge of his nose (though you had sworn you had caught a glimpse of his unshaven jaw while he had been eating. Just a split second of a dark five-o'clock shadow and pale skin. But it was more than anything you had seen on the web.) 

"Those insignificant pigs will cower before us!" Zim suddenly shouted, jumping up onto his chair and holding his spoon as if it were a weapon. "They shall rue the day-"

"Sit down," Gaz snapped, tugging harshly on his oversized shirt to set him off balance. "Be quiet. I'm eating."

"But revenge-!"

"No," you and Professor Membrane echoed one another, causing you to glance briefly at him and then blush. You didn't fail to notice he cleared his throat and adjusted his goggles almost nervously. 

"I'm touched that you feel that way," you started after a moment. "But it would be wrong of you to get involved. You could get in serious trouble, and that is the last thing you guys need."

"Mx. Nemo is right. We'll settle this, and in the meantime we want you to focus on your project." 

It was awkward yet inspiring to have Professor Membrane agreeing with you. Yet, you wondered if there really was anything anyone could do. "Besides, Meyers is sort of right," you admitted with a sigh. "Science and literature are two vastly different subjects. Boltzmann is far more qualified on paper for running a science club."

The outrage for Dib and Zime was instantaneous. "No!" Dib shouted while Zim scoffed.

"Hah! As if!" 

"I have found that just because someone has the right degrees and diplomas hardly means they are qualified for the job," Professor Membrane agreed. "While I have yet to meet this Bolt-man, I am inclined to disagree he is more qualified." 

"Can't a girl just eat her pizza? In peace?" 

[madlad-sadgal]

Intro Post

Did I just now realized I haven't made one? Yes. But here it is now!

My Blog/About Me

My blog is a safe place for practically everyone (except for TERFs, get off my page). I don't care if you're here just to look around, or if it's because you're interested in one of the things I talk about, you're welcomed here and I'll gladly talk with you about whatever it is you might want to! <3 I'm active in a few fandoms on here, mostly Nimona, though I also like RWRB, LOTR, and a bunch of other stuff.

About me, I'm bigender and mostly use he/him and she/her, though I'm comfortable with pretty much anything. I also think I'm pan, but I've kinda been doubting that recently? Eh, I'll get through it. I live in Quebec so you might catch some works written in French (I'll probably add the translations under cuts though).

Writeblr

I've been meaning to get more into Writeblr and share more about some of my writing, fanfiction and original works alike. The things I like to write most about is fantasy and also LGBTQ+ stuff. So here are two original works you might catch me talking about:

Life after Life (Undefined Title) Tag: Life After Life(:OC/Plot/Etc) This is a story of two soulmates, reincarnation, immortality and betrayal. One is immortal, while the other one is mortal. The immortal one has to watch as their lover dies, but they always get reincarnated and always manage to find each other, usually when the mortal one is around 20 years old. Except this time, it takes until the mortal is 27 years old for them to find each other, and the immortal doesn't think much of it at first, but they can't help but notice that their lover is acting differently than they did in their past lives, which isn't inherently bad, but they can't remember a single time when their personality wasn't the same at the base. But it as time keeps passing, it becomes clearer and clearer that their lover is not the same, and someone seems to know of their immortality. Someone they may have met in the past. Now they have to try and protect themselves and their lover from this person, but what can this mortal be hiding from their own soulmate? What shall they do when war and love collide? Will they forgive each other for these hidden secrets? More importantly, will they manage to stay with each other this time, or will they be forced to wait until the next life once more? (Also ending line idea: Mortal, dying: I'll see you in the next one, yeah? Immortal, crying, and holding them: And every single one that follows.)

Love is a Fantasy (Been working on this one for over a year now, the one I'll be talking about the most because this is one I am very passionate about. Also don't get fooled by the title, this isn't just filled with unrequited love.) Tag: Love is a Fantasy(: OC name/Plot/Etc) LGBTQ+ story exploring how teens go through questioning their gender and sexuality and how people may pride themselves differently on this stuff.

Alex is a gay teenager who isn't ashamed of his sexuality, but keeps it to himself mostly. He is lucky enough to have accepting parents and friends, but the crush he has on one of his best friends may complicate their friendship, which terrifies him. He uses he/him pronouns.

Ava is a non-binary lesbian teenager who uses they/them pronouns. They are proud of their sexuality and gender and never hesitate to correct people who misgender them. They've been friends with Alex since the two were young. Their parents aren't exactly weirded out by them, but more so confused by all this, but Ava gladly answers all their questions and doesn't let that stuff get to them.

Ethan is a bisexual teenager who turned Ava and Alex's duo into a trio, but lately, he's been wondering if maybe he's not as attracted to women as he originally thought. This terrifies him because his parents aren't the most accepting people, and he also has a girlfriend whom he doesn't want to break the heart of. But of course Alex just has to complicate everything, doesn't he? ;)

Avery is Ethan's girlfriend, but she's dealing with a lot at home, and now on top of that she doesn't know where her feelings stand. She thought she was pan her whole life, not feeling a difference in romantic attraction towards gender, but all of this comes to a half when she meets one of the new kids who explains she doesn't feel any romantic or sexual attraction, and now she doesn't know where anything stands anymore.

Evelyn and Chelsey have been friends since they were young, often helping each other hide their sexuality and genders from their Christian parents. Evelyn is pansexual and bigender, often stepping way off of the gender binary and just having fun with her looks, though a certain Ava catches her eye once she meets them. Chelsey is aro-ace and is open to pretty much any pronoun, and they have a pretty feminine style.

All these kids meet in an LGBTQ+ club (created and hosted by Ava), and are now helping each other figure out their sexualities, helping each other hide certain things from Christian parents, and just trying to get through the horrors of the teenage years.

Other Socials

Just my AO3 for now: