#I need someone to talk about this game with immediately

[zels-echoes]

I’ll never forget…

Talking about sexuality to a former friend who used to work for a big name gaming studio. I told them that I thought I was asexual, and they said that they hoped not and told me that I should see a doctor about my libido before I make such a determination.

I’ll never forget…

Coming out as asexual to my oldest brother, in which he immediately shot it down saying that asexuality isn’t a real thing and that the right person just hasn’t come into my life yet.

I’ll never forget…

Seeing characters as asexual/aromantic and being told by others that they can’t be ace/aro because they’re too hot to be. Or seeing very obvious hints that a character is ace/aro, but everyone beats around the bush and jumps through hoops to shoot the idea down, yet they’ll jump on the other bandwagons in an instant if a character shows even a subtle hint of being gay/bi/pan.

I’ll never forget…

How often I’ll take a liking to a character (who isn’t already canonically in a relationship), and the first question everyone asks me when they find out I like said character is, ‘Do you ship them with xyz???’

I’ll never forget…

Witnessing a non-ace take two canon ace characters and saying they need to experience sex in their fanfic because everyone at some point should experience it.

I’ll never forget…

That people would rather focus on if an ace/aro may be in love with someone and instead make it about them being gay or bi, completely erasing any acknowledgment of their asexuality or aromanticism.

I’ll never forget…

The only time non-aces/aros seem to want to make characters asexual or aromantic is if they are a robot, cyborg, someone unattractive looking who no one really cares about, or belong to a species of creatures or humanoids that are all asexual.

I’ll never forget…

A certain gaming studio talking about celebrating pride and fighting against homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, but no mention of aphobia. Same studio drawing all of their characters for pride fitting under every aspect of it… Except for asexuality or aromanticism. Instead only being included in the form of some random critter in a corner wearing the flag colors and it’s barely even noticeable.

I’ll never forget…

That asexuality and aromanticism to non-aces/aros are nothing beyond colors on flags that are buried underneath all other flags.

[temis-de-leon]

Shy gn!reader goes to their first date with the Demon Brothers

Characters: Mammon, Levi, Satan, Asmo and Beel (x reader, separately)

Main Masterlist

Part 1 , Dateables version

Romance Anon: Could I request headcanons for Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus and Beelzebub react to shy gn s/o who asked what he would like to do for their first date because he made them happy by accepting their confession so they want to make him happy?

.

A/N: I asked my brain, "hey, how about we write a little bit" and it answered "how about we fucking don't"

.

Mammon

He’s ready to turn every single one of your outings into a date, but he’s also excited to have the opportunity of organizing the best first date you’ve ever had.

He’ll make sure you won’t ever regret confessing your undying love to him.

It needs to be memorable and special, so going to the casino is a big no-no. You’ve gone together numerous times already and the image of losing every piece of gold in his pocket and his wallet in front of you on such a special occasion makes him shiver in fear and embarrassment.

A fair or a festival are good choices, but, as much as he’d love watching the city skyline on the ferris wheel or winning a plushie for you to cuddle and think of him, those aren’t available all of the time.

The idea of having dinner and a movie makes him remember the projector in his room, but his brothers could spoil that very easily and bile reaches his mouth at the possibility.

You could go shopping, but that doesn’t feel too intimate, does it?

He becomes desperate after hours of thinking and scratching his head and it’s not until he enters his car to go out for a drive and clear his mind that he realizes he has the perfect solution.

Having dinner together and watching the city skyline are romantic activities, but who says you have to do it at home or on top of a fair attraction?

It’s not even two days later when you find yourself sitting on his car’s hood with take-out ramen in your hands, patiently waiting for him to get a blanket out of the trunk.

The chirping sound of crickets and the distant city noises fill the cold night, but the only thing he can think of is the fondness of your embrace slowly warming his body and making him smile like a fool.

Leviathan

He’s already happy that you like him back and he kind of forgets about everything else, so your offer feels like a slap in the face. An enthusiastic reminder that you’re both now starting a relationship.

That thought makes him cry and yell in the emptiness of his room with non-contained happiness.

He fears you’re going to be disappointed with his ideas for your first date, though.

Going out of the house makes his heart pound in apprehension, anxiety quickly scratching his neck and prickling his brain with needles.

Reading through his manga collection, watching multiple shoujos and playing every otome game he has only make him feel worse and inadequate for you.

Why do you want to go out with someone like him? Reclusive, a bitter sad excuse of a demon who can’t get out of the house without an incentive or a pep-talk.

Do you still like him, despite all of that?

Or is it that… you like him including all of that?

Do you want to be seen holding hands with him? Do you want everyone to know that you like him, of all people?

He can’t set your first date in his room, that would be too pathetic; but, at the same time, going to a café like any other normie couple doesn’t feel like him at all.

What’s a place that combines the comfort and privacy of his room and the outside world?

He asks Henry and his beloved pet stares at him with unblinking eyes. Almost immediately, reality hits him like a train.

Of course! The Royal Aquarium!

The blue lights and the submarine life couldn’t be a better substitute for his room and you’d get out of the house! It’s perfect!

Plus, he gets the opportunity of showing off his knowledge of the ocean, something he hopes will impress you.

He wants to do more for you because you deserve it, but he needs time.

There’s a Ruri-chan convention in a few weeks. Maybe you could go together…

For your second date, perhaps…? No pressure, though!!

Satan

He’s a romantic at heart and he’s been picturing how your first date could go since you confessed to him, so you can’t imagine the happiness he felt when he was granted the opportunity to let all of those ideas become real.

A big gesture would feel impersonal and kill the essence of a newborn relationship, so, although he wants to impress you, Satan will not go overboard.

There are museums where he could show you his knowledge on Devildom’s art and history, but he doesn’t want to spend your first date speaking like a pedant scholar.

There are also high reviewed bookstore cafés, as well as his beloved cat cafés, where you could go to have a hot beverage in a soothing space, but that isn’t exactly what he wants.

He wants to talk to you, hear the nervous stammering in your voice while you blush and struggle to look at him in the eye, and going to a bookstore would quiet your conversations, so he keeps that idea for the future.

The cat café is his favourite, but you would expect that from him and he wants to surprise you at least a little.

He gets the perfect idea while feeding the stray cats behind the House of Lamentation.

Knowing where every single cat in the neighbourhood lives, as well as those who prefer the outskirts of town or even the countryside, shows him a part of the area that no one else has ever seen.

A few days later, Satan looks giddy and enamoured walking by your side while you both feed the cats you encounter, following a path full of flowers that lead you to an abandoned viewpoint.

You’re sitting together, surrounded only by the felines that know when to leave you alone, and, despite the beautiful scenery that displays beyond, Satan can only look at you.

Asmodeus

His first impulse is to go all the way.

Showing you around for his fans to know that you two are dating sends a shiver of excitement down his spine, eyes glowing in delight while he ponders which outfit he should wear so he can match with you.

His plans for your first date seem generic, but a closer look into it lets you know that he has it all planned to make you both the centre of attention.

Other’s and each other’s centre of attention, that is.

You’re colour coordinated, your orders in the café are trending in social media and the weather is so good that little to no people are staying inside their homes.

The both of you are being seen just as you deserve.

Beautiful, together, happy.

Jealousy and envy surrounds you, all of his fans photographing your first date with a mixture of admiration and resentment, wishing to be you; wishing to be him more than ever.

The combination of your company, the external flattery and his own satisfaction makes him think that there couldn’t be a first date better than this one.

He couldn’t be more wrong.

You’re not truly alone until the night comes and the residents of the Devildom have no other choice but to leave you to your own devices to continue with their lifes.

You walk close to him, bumping your hips with his until you both start smiling and giggling. Your voices are almost a hush and he finds the way you lean into him to hear his words better quite addictive.

He feels your breath on his skin, your eyes on his. His hands are itching to bring you even closer and never let you go and it’s not until you kiss under a streetlamp in an empty park that he understands why your first date is so perfect.

You’re with him and he’s with you. That’s enough.

Beelzebub

You already know what he’s thinking, although you may be misinterpreting his execution.

While, yes, he wants to take you out to his favourite dinners and restaurants, Belphie advises him to not go all the way. You don’t have the same stomach as him and ending your date feeling ill would leave a very bad impression.

He doesn’t want you to see him as a permanently hungry beast, anyways. It’s not what he wants you to think whenever he’s close to you, even if he acts like it most of the time, so it doesn’t take much convincing from his twin to agree and search for a more delicate plan of sorts.

He wants the full experience: drinks, starter, main dish, side dish and dessert, but why would you have all of that in the same establishment?

There’s a map in his head where every food related store is highlighted in bright neon colours.

A juice and smoothie bar to start the date followed by a true hamburger restaurant, not any of those fast food chains that only serve half of what is shown in the pictures. Far from there, a walk long enough for you to comfortably digest the food, is a stall specialized in fries. Made in a dozens different ways, they are the perfect last savoury treat to eat before ice cream or a pastry.

Asmo recommended him the retro ice cream parlor and Barbatos took him to the traditional bakery once.

If you don’t like burgers or fries, however, there are more places you could go, just tell him! Whichever you prefer, he’ll be fine with it!

His main goal is for you to have a good time with him, after all, and, although food is a necessity to keep his sin in track, he knows it won’t be what will make your first date perfect.

You being his date is what will make it perfect.

.

.

[footballfanficwriter]

Hiii, I love your writing, can I request a Jude x reader where they do celebrity gogglebox and they watch Jude’s champions league final at Wembley where he proposed to her & she told him she’s pregnant, and they watch everyone’s reaction at Wembley when it’s happening ( his teammates, family & fans)

A/n: I was so excited to write this I just had to get started immediately,cause I hadn't gotten a request in such a long time,thank you so much for this and I hope you enjoy please comment and like at the end I'd really love some feed back as to how my writing is and where I need to improve

Looking Back

Hi I'm Jude Bellingham"

"And I'm Y/n Bellingham and welcome to our Google box interview"

"It's not an interview"

"Then what is it?"

(Color bars)

"Hi I'm Jude(Laughs)

"Why are you laughing?"

"Stop"

(Color Bars)

"Ok we gotta be serious this time"

"Hi I'm Jude Bellingham"

"And I'm Y/n Bellingham"

"And today we're doing a Google box, about our story and how we got to this moment in our lives together and my first of the season"

"Bit of a mouth full innit"

"Whatever, just press play"

He pulls me closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and kisses my forehead I lay my head on his chest , then he takes some popcorn from the bowl on my lap

I press play and the first thing that appears is Jude's first day in Madrid when he signed his Real Madrid contract

"This day was a big one you know, new place for us, new language and Culture, just everything"

"Luckily we had so many people that were willing to help and make our adjustment as easy as possible"

"True"

"Actually I remember something from that day"

"What?"

"You nearly tripped and fell"

I give him an eyebrow raise

"Yes you did, I remember you nearly fell and I caught you, I'm surprised they didn't get that on camera"

"No I didn't Jude, you're lying"

"No I'm not, I vividly remember holding your heels after the pictures cause you'd given up on them after you used my shoulder to help you take them off"

"I don't remember that"

"I even told you that morning before we left the hotel that you should get a comfortable shoe then you said no and I put your shoes in the car before we left"

"I still don't remember"

"The gaslighting is crazy"

"Let's continue" I say remembering the moment he's talking about

The video cuts and this time it's Jude's first Real Madrid game

"I remember that game, when we were in America during the preseason games and we played against Milan"

"I remember being in the stands and just being so nervous"

The video cuts and shows Jude waving to someone in the crowd after the game

"Mhhhm I wonder who you're waving too"

"Same" he says

The video cuts again but this time it's  Jude's first La Liga game where he scored his first La Liga goal and celebrates in front of the Bilbao fans and all of them showing him the finger

"The amount of hate that came from those fans you'd swear I'd  just killed someone"

I laugh at his his comment

"No but on a serious note though that was just iconic"

"And you know what I loved about it?"

"What?" He asks

"It never discouraged you, instead you continued playing at your best"

"Yeah it didn't discourage me but I for sure thought I would be the most hated player of the season and actually right after that moment I remember looking for you in the stands and you had made a heart with your fingers"

"I mean, I needed you to know that even if the whole world hates you I'll still love you"

"And I'll love you more"

The video cuts and it's Jude's first El classico where he scored two goals

"Ah I remember that game, it was my first El classico"

"I remember going home after that game and we were just in disbelief"

"Yeah, I just couldn't believe it, you know and I was so nervous the night before, remember?"

"Yeah I remember, you were pacing around the room and the whole time and I was just there trying to calm you down"

"I was nervous"

"I know you were my love, but the next day you scored 2 goals and won the match so there was no need to be nervous"

The video cuts again and shows Jude's Goal against Girona and his injury, how he was on the floor and the medical team icing his ankle

then the camera panned to me where I looked with a concerned expression on my face and glistening eyes

"I was so worried in that moment" I said looking at the screen

"So was I, I just heard my ankle pop and i knew something was wrong"

"We didn't get home the until the early hours of the morning"

He turned to the camera and said

"She stayed by my side the whole night despite me telling her to go home and rest and the whole time she held my hand while my ankle was being examined and I'm not gonna lie I was grateful that she didn't listen to me because that was very painfull and having her by my side just served as comfort"

"I couldn't leave you there, I would've been restless at home not knowing what was happening" I say smiling up at him

"Well I'm glad you stayed"

"You're welcome"

"Ok next"

The camera cuts to the Ballon d'or ceremony and Jude Winning the Kopa award where he does his speech

"Thank you everyone for all the wonderful support and the messages, two days ago I won my first El classico so this is just a cherry on top, thank you to the fans and the supports and my Family as well  I am grateful and I am appreciative,thank you"

"Wow, you really do have a way with words don't you?"

"What can I say, This was my First time going to the Ballon d'or ceremony and just being there with so many other great Footballers and Football legends was so surreal it felt amazing

I remember meeting R9 for the first time and you were by my side holding my hand and the whole time as we're talking to him I was holding onto your hand for dear life"

"I actually thought you were gonna break my hand I'm surprised I still have it"

"I'm sorry"

"It's fine I'm just glad i was there with you" I say

"He kisses my forehead and looks towards the screen again

The screen transitions to Jude's first Champions League game for Madrid

"That game was another for the books, first UCL game and I had scored the only and the winning goal"

"Yeah I was really proud to say the least ,aww look at that that, he's pointing to me" I say

"You wish"  he says jokingly

"One day , maybe not today or Tomorrow but one day you'll get a taste of your own medicine" I say

"Oh my gosh shiver me timbers I'm so scared"

"You will be" I say and lean back onto his chest and he kisses my head and I smile

The screen transitions to Jude's Golden boy ceremony

"Incredible moment" he said

"Yeah I just remember watching you with awe and I just thought about everything that happened to get to that moment and get that award"

"Yeah the plane ride to Italy was cool and calm but that's because we knew what to expect and what was going to happen I think it was when we got there that it actually dawned on us that I had just won the award"

"True"

The screen transitions again and this time

It's Jude Celebrating the supa copa de espane

"First trophy of the season and for Real Madrid" he says

"Unfortunately I wasn't there but you called me immediately after you got into the dressing room and the whole time, vini and cama were just interrupting us and asking to talk to me"

"I'm not gonna lie that did annoy me and I couldn't get a word in they kept stealing my phone as if they don't have their own girlfriends"

"I'm not your girlfriend, I'm your wife"

"At the time you were my girlfriend"

"I actually preferred talking to them"

"Of course you did" he says rolling his eyes

The screen transitions to the game where Jude received a red Card and got a two game ban as a punishment

"I don't wanna talk about this game, I might just get into trouble"

"But I won't"

"I don't know...

"Let's all be honest here that ref was unfair and he knows it he blew the whistle while the ball was in the air and in my opinion that red card shouldn't have even been pulled out, it was a natural reaction to what had just happened at the time"

"Ok Mrs. Bellingham, not you defending your Husband"

"I mean my husband is always protecting me so it's only right"

"I'm blessed to have you in my life"

"As am I" I say and smile as I look up at him and he pecks my lips

"Ok next one"

The screen transitions to the match where Jude was a spectator at a Real Madrid game after the red card he got

"I loved that game you know, the love and the support of the fans was one of the things that kept me going, and just let me know that they were behind me and that was really heart warming"

"The Madridistas are very much loved"

"That is not a lie"

"Next"

Now we're watching Jude accepting his Lauresports award

"I was just tired that day, exhausted could even describe it"

"I actually opted to accept the award on your behalf so you could rest and take a break for a little bit,but him being stubborn he refused"

"It wouldn't have been ok, even though I was tired I needed to be there"

"I don't know when you'll realize that you're only human"

"I know I am"

"Mhmmm, whatever you say"

Next we see the La Liga title race parade and Jude lifting the trophy

"That day was amazing" he says, ,"the atmosphere the fans, you"

"I loved the outfit mostly, you looked  Handsome more than anything"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, I can't explain it but damn, that day I learned to appreciate what I have" I say

He laughs and I join him in laughing

"You're so weird you know that"

"I'm just telling the truth"

He continues laughing and the screen changes again but this time a picture of Jude stating that he was the player of the season

"The day of the award show, I was getting ready for the champions league Final, so we couldn't attend and to be honest it was worth it because if I had attended I would have gotten what I received that day"

"And what's that?" I ask as I look at him hoping he'll mention our special moment

"Winning the Champions league"

I roll my eyes at him and watch the screen changed as he laughs at his stupid Joke

The screen changes to the Champions league Final against Dortmund

Showing highlights of the game and the team

Then the moment Real Madrid won the Champions league and the Celebrations

The camera then pans to Jude to where he's having his post match interview

"Jude, well done on your win, how long have you dreamed of this moment"

"Ages hey, a long time"

"What does it mean to win the champions league"

"It means the world to me, I've dreamed about this for a long time, it's every footballers dream"

"How do you plan on Celebrating such a moment"

"With my teammates and my Family, I've actually got a very important person here that hopefully I won't only be celebrating a champions league trophy with but much more as well

"Well congratulations Jude"

"Thank you, I need to go do something important, please excuse me"

"Of course"

"Here we go" Jude says as we watch the screen

He walks to the stands and walks to where I'm standing and helps me get down the stairs and leads me to the middle of the pitch

"Where are we going?" Can be mouth read as Jude  walks me to the pitch

"Just trust me" he replies

We reach the middle of the pitch when all of a sudden Jude Goes down on one knee and gives and inaudible speech that can't be heard because it was covered by the cheers and screams of the fans watching the interaction happen

"We couldn't even hear eachother in that moment" I say watching the screeen

All they see is me nodding my head and mouthing yes

Jude gets up and slips the engagement ring on and he hugs me tightly, then I swiftly pull away and look him in the eye

And mouth something that can't he heard or mouth read

Jude's eyes go bigger and on shock

"Are you serious?"

Is faintly heard and I nod and the fans continue cheering with Jude hugging me and spinning me around in the middle of the pitch

The video then shows the reactions of Jude's teammates, who rush over to congratulate us. The camera captures the joyous expressions of our family in the stands, and the fans are going wild with excitement.

Jude's teammates run to where we are

"Juuuuuude" they chant

Cama and Tchomeni  come and give me hugs

"Back off Cama that's my Future wife right there" Jude says

Cama rolls his eyes and just continues hugging me

"Congratulations"

"Thank you"

Back on the couch, Jude and I look at each other with smiles.

Jude looks to the camera and says

"Now you're probably wondering what she told, that made me react like that, truth is she told me that she was pregnant and that I was going to be a father and honestly, a three in one that night was amazing"

"I don't way that it was the best day of my life, but at the moment it is, but that will probably change when we get married or when we have our baby" he continues

"That moment changed everything," Jude says softly. "Winning the Champions League was amazing, but proposing to you and finding out we were expecting... that was the best moment of my life."

"Mine too," you say, leaning into him. "And now, here we are, sharing our story with everyone."

"Yeah, it's been an incredible journey," Jude agrees. "And I can't wait to see what the future holds for us toether. With us planning a wedding and expecting our first child together it's bound to be a rollercoaster"

"I've been Jude Bellingham and Joined by my Future wife Y/n Bellingham and thank you for watching

[livyjh]

Come Sail Away ch.1

Bff’s dad!Joel Miller x Plus size!Fem!Reader

Series rating: EXPLICIT 18+

Chapter 1 rating: PG

Word count: 1.5k

Summary: Your spring break has been saved by your roommate and best friend, Sarah Miller. She’s invited you to come on vacation with her and her dad, a man you’ve never met. But you didn’t think twice before accepting her invitation. When you finally meet her dad, Joel, you have an instant crush on him. You thought it was one sided… he proves you wrong.

Chapter warnings: mainly plot forming exposition, no smut, meeting new people, large ships, the ocean, talk about clothes and vague plus size body description.

Series Masterlist

Joel Miller Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What are you doing over spring break?” Your roommate and best friend, Sarah, asks you.

“Probably nothing. I mean, we have beaches and stuff at home but they’re just… gross. Lots of rocks and trash and seaweed and stuff. I wish I could go on that cruise with you.” You sigh.

Sarah and her dad were going on a Caribbean cruise for the whole of spring break this year and you’re incredibly jealous. Home is… fine. Your parents are okay. You love them but you don’t really have a lot of fun hanging out with them unless you’re all doing an activity or playing a game or something.

Being an only child had its perks, there’s no doubt. But not having someone close to your age in your immediate family kind of sucked.

“Sorry, I need to make a quick phone call.” Sarah smiles and gets up, leaving the dorm room for a few minutes.

You’re not sure what she’s up to, and you’re even more unsure when she walks in the door with a big grin on her face.

“Call me a genie because I just granted your wish.” Sarah giggled and sat back down on her bed.

“What?” You sit up and raise your brows.

“You’re coming to the Caribbean with me… If you’ve got $500 to spare?” She scrunches up her nose.

“I have been saving for a car… but I’m doing okay without one for now…” you think for a minute.

“Fuck it. Let’s do it.” You clap and stand up and she does the same.

You both grab each other’s hands and do a quiet but excited little scream. “Yay!”

Sarah explained to you that she and her dad were already going to have separate staterooms on the ship, but now you can bunk with her for a great last minute deal the cruise line was offering.

You were so excited you almost couldn’t sleep. You had one more exam tomorrow and then you were free for a whole week. And going to the Caribbean on a fucking cruise!

***

Your exam was a piece of cake. All you had to do was pack tonight, go with Sarah to her dad’s place, then fly to Florida, and get on the ship.

Yeah. That should be simple enough, right?

You were excited but stressed at the same time. This last minute planning was a bit chaotic but you knew it would be worth it.

You packed all of your favorite outfits that were suited for tropical weather, your sexy two piece bikini, your more modest and practical one piece that fit you like a glove, and your best walking shoes and cutest sandals.

You remembered all of your toiletries and meds, your device chargers, your vibrator (for times when you may get the room to yourself for a while), a sweater just in case, and a few snacks for the plane.

The drive to Sarah’s dad’s place wasn’t bad. 3 hours from Houston to Austin was nothing compared to the trip your parents took to drive you to college in the first place.

You chose your school based on its business major program, which is what you wanted. You were a a year and a half into your 4 year masters degree and 24 years old. You already had your associates degree and decided to take a little break between that and getting your masters.

Sarah was younger, 21 now. She studied music theory and production. You guys got paired up this school year as roommates when your last roommate graduated.

You’ve been best friends ever since.

“Here’s my place!” She smiled as she pulled into the driveway of a beautiful two story house in a nice neighborhood.

Tomorrow morning you three would fly to Florida and head straight for the ship.

For now, you were a little nervous to meet Sarah’s dad. Was he gonna be awkward? Weird? Quiet? Mean? Overbearing?

Just as you two were getting out of Sarah’s car, the front door opened and a gorgeous man about 6 feet tall emerged from it.

He had medium length brown hair that had some curl. Probably more if he were to let it grow out longer. He donned a simple and semi-close trimmed beard, one that was starting to get gray patches around his jaw. His nose looked like it was sculpted from the finest of clays by a renowned artist. His arms were thick and toned, as were his thighs.

“Hey, girls!” He waved and walked down the driveway to Sarah to give her a big hug.

“I’ve missed you so much, dad.” Sarah was almost in tears. You knew she hadn’t been home since Christmas.

“Missed you too, baby girl.” He kissed the top of her head and took a good look at her, like a parent does, trying to make sure their child is in good health and well fed.

“Dad, this is my bestie I’ve been telling you about; Y/n.” Sarah walked around to your side of the car and her dad followed.

“Y/n, this is my dad, Joel.” She motioned to him.

He reached out his (quite large) hand and you shook it happily. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you!” You smiled and tried to keep from blushing.

“You too, Y/n.” He smiled and nodded before you both broke the handshake.

Joel took a breath and broke eye contact as he walked around you to get into the trunk and help with bags. “How was the drive?”

“Pretty chill.” Sarah said as she also went to the back of the car.

You followed, “yeah it went by quick.”

“Good.” Joel smiled at you both.

You brought the bags in and then sat down in the living room. It was nearing 9pm now.

“Ya girls hungry?” Joel asked.

“I could eat.” You shrug, trying to keep from smiling at his adorable accent.

“Me too.” Sarah nodded.

“How about I fix some turkey sandwiches?” Joel stood and walked into the kitchen.

“Thanks, dad!” Sarah spoke up.

“Thank you, Mr. Miller!” You called out.

***

After you all finished eating you took the luggage upstairs to Sarah’s room and got settled in.

Joel retired to his room after a quick goodnight to you two.

You and Sarah got into pajamas, both of you pulling your hair into cute little top knots.

“Thank you, Sarah.” You smile as you both get into her bed.

“For what?” She pulls the comforter up over you both.

“Well, everything. But the cruise mainly.” You reply.

“Of course. I’m not gonna let my best friend have a boring spring break if I have anything to say about it.” She laughed.

You giggled along. “I appreciate it.”

***

The next morning was a blur of airport traffic and security checkpoints. Things slowed down when you boarded the plane.

“I call the window seat!” Sarah walked back to your row and scooted in to the third seat, by the window.

You usually hated sitting in the middle because it made you a bit claustrophobic but this plane wasn’t as cramped on butt space as other ones you’d been on. So you got into the seat next to Sarah and Joel sat in the aisle seat next to you.

You figured Sarah would’ve wanted to sit next to her dad… but you also wanted to sit next to her. Now you had the best of both worlds.

Sarah on one side, and her sexy dad on the other.

Oh god, you cannot be attracted to your best friend’s dad. There’s a rule against that somewhere, right??

You couldn’t help but to keep touching elbows with both Sarah and Joel. You were thick, wasn’t anyone’s fault. With Sarah being so skinny she really only bumped elbows when she leaned in to talk to you. With Joel, he was broad shouldered and half asleep for the first part of the flight. You fell asleep too.

***

“This is your pilot speaking, welcome to Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. The skies are blue and temperature at a comfortable 73 degrees.”

This was what you heard as you started to wake up, realizing your head was rested on none other than Joel’s shoulder.

You sat up quick, “oh my gosh, sorry, Mr. Miller.” You blushed and laughed a little.

“It’s okay, sweetie.” He smiled and briefly patted the back of your hand that was on the armrest between you two.

“Th- thank you.” You stutter a little.

The lights in the cabin come on and the plane makes a slightly rough landing, waking Sarah up next to you.

“Are we here already?” She held her head up.

“Yep.” You look over at her. “It’s almost cruise time.” You giggle.

“Cruise time?” She mocks you.

“Shut up. I’m still sleepy.” You snort.

***

Getting off the plane and out of the airport was nothing short of a nightmare. It was extremely busy. It took a half hour to get an available shuttle to the pier.

You all finally got on board the ship after checking your big bags and going through security.

You could breathe now. Vacation had finally started.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joel Miller tag list: @evyiione

@chyannealaniz @cesspitoflove @supersingle @jrosie25 @blackfemalenerd @bongsrconfusing @milly-louise @farintonorth @brittmb115 @ashleyfilm @steverogers123-blog

Join the tag list here

[soffsh2]

What Once Was

Plot Summary: After Jackie left you for Jeff in your teen years, you’ve done all you could to avoid running into her. You decide to go to your high school’s 25 year reunion once you hear that Jackie wasn’t going to attend. How were you to know she’d show up anyway.

1996

Jackie had been acting strange for the last few days. In fact, it felt like she had been pulling away from you since graduation. You’d gotten to the point where you had to call her friends to see if she was acting as odd with them as she was with you. Though none of them had an answer for you, she was acting the same with everybody else. Only things with you were different.

Earlier in the day, you had called Shauna, telling her that you were going to go talk to Jackie and finally see what was wrong. You had given her time to come to you and explain the reason for how she was acting, but she wouldn’t budge. And the longer it went on, the quieter Jackie became. It almost seemed like she was avoiding you, but she wouldn’t do that to her girlfriend. You were positive that you just needed to assure her that you would both do fine with long distance. 

You drove over to the Taylor’s house and found an unfamiliar truck parked where you usually do. Walking up to the house, you could hear the sounds of voices through the open windows. You knock on the front door, expecting Jackie or either of her parents to open it up. You were certainly not expecting the door to open and have you face-to-face with Jeff Sadecki.

He groaned, speaking as he retreated further into your girlfriend's house. “Jackie, can you not have your friends come visit when we’re on a date?” Pfff, a date? Jackie’s parents are probably trying to set them up again. That poor, delusional asshole, you thought. Jackie bounced cheerfully to the door until she saw you standing there. Her face quickly changed, and she hurriedly pushed you outside, closing the door behind you both.

You always thought Jackie’s parents suspected you and her, but you never thought they’d go this far. "Wow, your parents have hit a new low. I mean, setting you up on a date with Jeff Sadecki? Jesus.” You laughed for a second, until you realized Jackie wasn’t laughing with you. Actually, she had the most sympathetic look on her face that she’s ever directed at you. Immediate concern filled your body. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Y/n. My parents didn’t set this up; I did.” Your face dropped instantly. “Jax, what? What’re you talking about?” She tried to hold your hands when she explained herself to you, but you immediately shook yourself out of her grasp. “Y/n… I can’t do this. I can’t be that way. It’s not natural.” You didn’t believe the words that she was saying. Two weeks ago, she was happily in love with you, telling you and every one of her teammates as much. And now, this? 

“Jackie, woah, where is this coming from? You felt your throat start to close up. Jackie was slowly trying to move you further from the door, afraid that her parents or Jeff would hear you.

“Please don’t make this more difficult for me than it already is. I don’t want to hurt you; I just can't be like that with you anymore.” She was trying not to make her words sound as harsh as they were, and she was failing horrendously at it. The more she spoke, the more you teared up. Seeing that seemed to send her into even more of a panic as she continued talking. “I don’t like women. I’m meant to be with someone like Jeff. It just makes sense.” She tried to rationalize.

She was about to say more when you heard Jeff’s voice call from inside. “Babe! Get back in here; you’re gonna miss the highlights of my game!” She tried not to look too unhappy before she returned her gaze to you. You could see her face falter when she looked at you, standing on her doorstep crying because of what she did. Whatever sliver of her that felt bad for her actions was swiftly hidden away as she opened her front door once again. She looked at you with a stoic face and sad eyes when she said her last words to you. “Goodbye Y/n.”

Tears cascaded down your cheeks on the drive home. It felt like you were living in a fucking nightmare. It certainly didn’t feel real. Some part of you couldn’t blame her, you had known the pressure her parents put on her. She always seemed like she carried the world on her shoulders, but those were expectations she put on herself. Upon getting home, you immediately ran upstairs and fell into your bed.

You were only home for a few minutes when you got a call on your landline. You wanted to ignore it, but a part of you hoped that it was Jackie calling to tell you it was all a bad joke and she was sorry. You quickly answered. “Hello? Jackie?” Your tone was hopeful, bordering on desperate. “Uh, no?” A different voice fills your ears.

“Oh hi, Shauna.” You couldn't hide the disappointment that laced through your voice when you realized that Jackie wasn’t going to call. “I was just calling to see if you were home already, but I didn’t expect you to be home this soon. What happened at Jackie’s—” The mention of Jackie's name made you breakdown. “Shauna,… she left me.” The other end of the line went quiet before Shauna recovered from her surprise. “She what? No. She wouldn't.” Her voice sounded distant, and she sounded as confused as you felt. “She did. She dumped me for Jeff fucking Sadecki.” 

The fact that anyone would view Jeff as an upgrade was comical to Shauna, but she had to stifle her laugh when she heard you speak again. “Is it really that big of an issue for her to love me?” All the emotion was drained from your voice. It made Shauna uncomfortable to hear you like that. “Hold on, I’m coming over.”

Shauna made it to your house in record time. You both just sat in her car as you explained everything through sniffles. For a while, she was waiting for Jackie to pop out and say it was a prank, but no such relief came. She brought no words of comfort for you, Shauna was never good at pep talks. In fact, she would say that the only thing she was good at was brooding. However, she never left you to handle your sadness alone.

If it weren’t for Shauna showing up for you that summer, you weren’t sure how you would have fared. She had become your rock and did everything with you. You were close enough while you were dating her best friend, but this just felt different. There was not a thing you’d do that she wasn’t asking to accompany you with. Good thing too; she would always spot when Jackie and Jeff were nearby before you could see the pair. 

She’d saved you a lot of grief for the rest of the summer before you finally got peace when Jackie left for college. No more worrying about bumping into her at your favorite Deli that she’d loved. No possibility of running into her while she was on a date with Jeff. It was a start for everything to become easier for you. A couple weeks had passed, and you were finally feeling okay. You had even begun to forget the reason for your new-found friendship with Shauna.

It was at a coffee shop, about a week before Shauna was to leave for Brown, that it happened. You sat together on the patio of the café, laughing at something that Mari had told her earlier. Shauna’s mother had gotten her a brand new flip phone to go away to college with. She left it on the table after showcasing it to you. All of a sudden, the little thing lights up and rings. You look down and see her name plainly displayed on the screen. Everything came back to you then. You were reminded of the girl who made all of this happen. Shauna looked at the phone, saw the name that flashed on the tiny screen, and excused herself. She was not nearly far enough that you couldn’t hear her whisper yelling at Jackie. Discussing Jackie’s latest argument with Jeff and deflecting every time Jackie asked who Shauna was with, that she had to whisper. 

Beyond the reminder of Jackie that day, you had the daunting realization that you couldn’t continue your friendship with Shauna. It was wrong of you to take away and monopolize the time of your ex-girlfriend's best friend. Moreover, realizing you’d have to coexist alongside Jackie still being in Shauna’s life and possibly encountering her in one way or another was enough to make your decision final. After Shauna went to University, you’d stop talking to her.

When Shauna left, she had given you her mailbox number and the number of her new phone, so you could call and write to her often. She left with a smile and yelled at you to promise that you’d call before the end of her first week at Brown. You just smiled at her as her mother drove her away, waving goodbye to her until the old station wagon disappeared from view. 

 

2021

The years drifted by quickly as you tried to forget all about Jackie Taylor and the rest of your old friends in Wiskayok. You were glad to have gone to a college far enough from your hometown, it made it easier to stay there and disappear from everyone. You had tried dating afterwards, but everything seemed so dull in comparison. The feeling of having her love you was something indescribable. To have a random person fill the place that you always thought would belong to Jackie just didn’t feel right. You told yourself you enjoyed the solitude. Convinced yourself that it was your own choice rather than a decision made without your blessings.

You were intent on keeping it that way too, trying not to remember any people from home. But that’s when you got the call. “Hey Y/n, it's Misty, Misty Quigley from high school.” You’re not sure you ever gave Misty your number, so you wonder how she has it now. "Yeah, hi Misty, I remember. How’ve you been?” You say unenthused; you didn’t actually care to know. “Doing good; I’m an attendant at a nursing home. So I’m living the dream! But… I’d be doing better if you came to the reunion this year.” 

The words were like a punch to the face. “Misty no—” She’s quick to cut you off. “Come on, Y/n, nobody has seen or heard from you in years; some people probably think you’re dead at this point.” She was practically begging over the phone. “And I am fine to keep it that way, happy even.” You attempt to shut it down again. “Y/n…please. The girls miss you.” That tugged on your heart a little. “Misty, really, I can’t—” She cuts you off yet again with her best argument all evening. “Jackie won’t be there.”

You were well aware that Jackie never misses the opportunity to go to the reunions, and thus you avoided going at all costs. It’s only when Misty sighs and tells you that Jackie cannot attend this year because of some furniture convention in Philadelphia that Jeff was dragging her to that you begrudgingly agreed to go. You hadn’t kept up with your old friends and teammates, just to avoid ever running into Jackie. You rationalized that it’d be nice to see them again with no fear of running into her. And this opportunity probably won’t come again for another 25 years, so you figured you might as well. So you reply to the Facebook invitation that you’ll be attending and prepared yourself.

The day of the reunion approached faster and faster until you found yourself sitting in your car in the parking lot of your old high school, fidgeting with your dress shirt. Practically doing all that you could to stall actually going inside. The whole place reminded you of Jackie. It made you nearly sick to your stomach. All the hurt caused by her leaving you, which despite it all, was still fresh in your mind. The longer you sat, the more anxious you became. Finally, looking down at your phone and seeing the time prompted you to reach for the door handle and get out. 

Walking through the doors of Wiskayok High, you had expected it to look different, to have been updated at all in the 25 years since your graduation. But no, it's still the same ratty old hallway in the same broken-down school that you remembered. It brought a slight sense of comfort, knowing that you could likely still navigate your way through the entire high school campus without issue.

Approaching the big, blue and yellow decorated doors, the only thing that separated you from people you hadn’t seen in 20+ years, you felt nauseous. You had to keep telling yourself that Jackie wasn’t here to keep your anxiety at bay. So, with a deep breath, you pushed open the large metal doors. It was decorated as well as a high school gym could be, you supposed. A lot of lights strung up with blue and yellow balloons set on each table. 

Right as you enter, you see Misty standing by the photographer and his props. The sound of the closing door can barely be heard over the music playing throughout the gymnasium; however, she could still sense it and turn to see you. The sight brings a large smile to her face as she runs over to lead you to the table with all the other girls. 

As you approach a large round table, you could start to make out the familiar faces of your old friends. Their conversation dies down when Natalie notices you, getting up to greet you. ��Holy shit…when Misty told us you were coming, we all just thought she was full of it.” You laugh nervously. You still feel tense from being around people you used to know so well but now felt like strangers. “Well, here I am.” 

You turn around. “Tai, congratulations on the campaign.” Taissa smiles at you before speaking. “Thank you, Y/n… You look great.” She says it so genuinely. You'd guess that when people haven't seen you in years, they can only assume the worst.

Before you could respond, you’re wrapped in a hug by Shauna, much unlike the moody teen you once knew. “Hey Shipman.” You said as you wrapped your arms around her. You embrace her for a moment before she pulls away and punches you in the arm. Now that’s more like the Shauna Shipman you knew. “You stopped responding to me! Don’t ever do that again; I’ve missed seeing you. I really thought that I would never hear from you again.” 

As you gently hold the spot where Shauna laid into your arm, you try to explain yourself. "Shauna, come on, you know I couldn’t keep in touch after everything with...” You gestured to an empty space next to Shauna that, when you were younger, would always be filled by Jackie. Her demeanor changed, and the others went quiet around you as well. 

“You know it never sat right with me, what she did.” She defends. “I know, but she needed you. I wasn’t going to get in the way of that.” She looks at you with sad brown eyes. “You still needed me too.” You shrug. “I wasn’t going to ask you to choose me over your best friend.” Shauna opens her mouth to respond before Taissa grabs you by the shoulders and guides you to sit in one of the chairs. “You guys can talk later; we need to hear about what’s been going on in the past 20 years.”

The tension melted away quickly, and you felt as if you'd picked up right where you left off with them. Everyone tells you about what they’ve been up to. You’re most surprised that Shauna has a daughter now. She hit you again when you told her that she never struck you as the nurturing type. It felt so light and perfect, you knew something had to go wrong.

The metal doors have been opening and closing all night, with people going in and out of the gym. So, of course, you paid it no mind when the metal clicked open and shut once more. You were far too intrigued to hear about Natalie’s latest rehab stint to notice the approaching figure until it was too late.

“Hi guys!” A cheery voice breaks through the crowd. You felt like a deer caught in headlights. You didn’t need to look at her to know who it was. You were frozen, all you could hear were some nervous greetings from around the table. By the tense tone in the girls' voices, it seemed they wanted to be swallowed by the ground just as much as you did. 

You watched her gaze flit to every person before landing on you. “Hi Y/n.” Her smile shone as brightly as you remember it. If you hadn’t known her like you did, you would’ve assumed she was being fake with you. “Hey Jackie.” Your voice low as you tried to avoid her eyes and take a sip of your drink. Shauna laid her hand on your arm and squeezed reassuringly; the action was not lost on Jackie. You watched her eyes focus on the action, her face hiding a barely contained scowl now. She was about to speak again when Misty spoke up.

You thank every higher power in the sky, as it made Jackie face Misty instead of you. Her green eyes felt like they were burning into your skin the longer she stared. “You said you weren’t coming. The convention?” Misty looked like she felt guilty for putting you in this position. You would’ve thought it was a trap, but you knew Jackie. "Oh, didn’t you get my email? Last week, Jeff decided that he wanted to go alone. So I emailed you, saying that I would be attending after all.” 

Jackie was never great at lying. It may not have been obvious to the others, but to you and Shauna, you could read Jackie like a book. You turned to Shauna with a suspicious look, and her face mirrored your own. Misty gave her a confused look. “You didn’t email me.” Jackie feigned surprise. "Oh, silly me, I must’ve written it up but never sent it.” She turned to the table with a ‘what can you do’ expression and a shrug as she moved to sit down. She took the open chair directly across from you. God, it’d be hard to avoid eye contact with her now.

"So, Y/n I haven't heard from you in ages; are you married?” Jackie never had tact when she wanted something, but the sheer audacity to ask stunned you. Everyone else seemed to have the same sentiment as you because the girls all avoided eye contact. Shauna tried to scold Jackie, but that only encouraged her to persist further with you. To cease the girls bickering, you gave her an answer. “Uh, no, Jackie. I’m not.” She tried to push a small smile from her face when she responded. “Oh, really? That’s too bad.” 

At that, Taissa pushed herself from the table, stating that she was going to go get a plate of something to eat. Natalie and Misty both followed her, seeming to find the encounter too awkward to bear. “So, why aren’t you on Facebook?” Jackie continued to pry. 

“I am; I just have a few people blocked.” You didn’t leave anything up for interpretation with your tone. Shauna laughed beside you. She seemed to have read the hint immediately, while Jackie was still catching up. You knew, however, exactly when she figured it out because she instantly pouted. The slight against her did nothing to dissuade her efforts, though. She was as persistent as ever; you could give her that much.

"So, to be clear, you’re not dating anyone? Right?” That was the last straw. You got up from the table, stating that you were going to find the food Tai was referring to. As you left the table, you could hear Shauna chastise Jackie quietly. You couldn’t make out much, but you did hear the distinct sound of Jackie complaining before you were out of earshot. “What Shauna? It’s not like I could check on her Facebook.”

You stayed by the buffet table for a few minutes, making idle chatter with whoever recognized you. Anything to avoid being stuck with Jackie at the table. However, it didn't take long for her to grow bored and go searching for you. She appeared out of nowhere; it almost startled you. It was as if one second you were alone, and the next she was beside you, already opening her mouth to yap.

“Crazy bumping into you. Now that I have you here, you never answered that question back there.” You rolled your eyes and did your best to ignore her. "Oh, come on, Y/n. You never come to these; I just wanna catch up!” You had about had it. Turning to face her completely, you drop the niceties.

“Cut the shit Jackie, you and I both know you’re lying. Why are you really here?” Jackie stands there a little stunned; you’d never snapped like that at her while you were dating. "I, uh… well, I saw that you responded to the Facebook invite and that you were coming. And I just wanted to see you and maybe talk to you.” You don’t have the energy for her right now. “There’s nothing to talk about, Jackie. I don’t want explanations or apologies. Just leave me alone.” You turned and walked back to the table where Shauna was seated alone. 

You sighed as you sat down next to her, with your head in your hands. Shauna leaned over and rubbed your back. She was doing her best to give you some semblance of comfort. She knew this was a lot for you; she didn’t have to say it. It was painfully obvious and awkward enough to send your other three friends running to interact with literally anyone else. When you brought your head back up, you could see Jackie staring at the two of you. She looked so insecure as she stood right where you left her. Shifting uncomfortably on her feet, she looked like a kicked puppy. You laid your head in your hands again and groaned. 

“I don’t know what to do, Shauna; she won’t stop with me.” Your voice came out muffled from your hands. You could hear Shauna sigh next to you, and her hand dropped from your back. "Yeah, she was never great with the word ‘no'.” She laughed. You huffed out a small laugh as well. 

You heard a click of heels on the gym floor coming at you and looked up. You saw Jackie marching over to the table with renewed vigor. She stood directly at your side and placed her hands on her hips when she addressed you. “Y/n I really think we should talk about what happened.” She said it in the exact tone that she would always do when you were teenagers. The same tone that got you to straighten up and do exactly what she said. 

You were getting so frustrated with her. You’d just wanted a moment of peace away from her, and she couldn’t seem to respect that. Fuck it. You stood, turned to Shauna, and offered her your hand. “You wanna dance?” A look of surprise crossed her face, but upon seeing your expression of determination, she smiled and delicately placed her hand in yours. “I’d love to.” She rose from her seat, and you led her to the dance floor, leaving Jackie with a look of utter shock as you brushed past her.

You enjoyed your time with Shauna, laughing together as you moved around the dance floor. Every now and then, when you spun her, you’d get a look behind her at the table. The table where you’d see Jackie sitting alone, miserably gazing at you and her best friend dancing. Jackie was downing her drinks quickly. She’d kept pouring herself more drinks from the punch bowl to drown her sorrows. The punch bowl that sat in the middle of the table, the one that Natalie had definitely spiked earlier in the night. You tried to not let the image of Jackie sitting sad and alone because of your actions burn itself into your brain.

“I know what you’re doing.” Shauna’s voice made you shift your gaze away from Jackie. “Huh?” You attempted to play dumb. She rolled her eyes. “If you’re trying to get a reaction out of her, you’re doing a good job.” You straightened up, and Shauna gave you a look like she knew she’d nailed exactly what you were up to. “I think that Jackie brought this onto herself.” You deflected. Shauna shrugged before smirking at you. "Oh, she definitely did.” She leaned in closer and whispered in your ear. “But next time, let me know, and I can help you drive her up a wall.” You can’t fight the grin that took over your face. You spun her again as you spoke. "Well, she always did seem to get a little jealous when it came to us, Shippy.”

An hour had passed while you continued to dance with Shauna until a brash voice broke you both apart. “Sorry to interrupt you, lovebirds.” You and Shauna turned to Nat, with a visibly drunk Jackie being dragged behind her. “‘Lovebirds?’” Jackie questioned with a pout. “Jesus.” You muttered as they got closer. 

Nat all but tossed Jackie into Shauna, and Jackie instantly melted into the form of her best friend. “She’s a mess. She needs to go home.” Jackie attempted to mumble something in protest, but it was muffled with her face in Shauna's shoulder. Natalie looked at Shauna expectantly. "Oh, I didn’t drive here; Callie dropped me off. And she hasn’t answered any of my texts, so I think she’s asleep.” Then both Shauna and Nat looked to you.

"Oh, come on.” You immediately protested. “I’m sorry, Y/n. You drove here and you barely had anything to drink; it’s the safest option.” Shauna being against you for this argument felt like a small betrayal to you. Shauna was right, and you didn't necessarily want anything bad to happen to anyone on their ride home. But that didn't mean you should have to be the one to take her home. “No, you know how I feel about her.” Jackie lifted her head and body from Shauna to complain. “Hey, I’m right here.” Natalie halfheartedly pushed her back into Shauna, and Jackie fell right back into her place on Shauna.

“No Shauna.” You tried to say it in a tone that left no room for debate, but of course Shauna persisted. “Y/n please? I’ll even go too. You’d actually be doing me a favor since I need a ride.” You were about to object further; tell her ‘no way’ when you looked at Jackie. She hadn’t stopped staring since she was brought over. Her eyes were so sad, and her leaning up against Shauna like she had no legs of her own made her look utterly helpless. You couldn’t fight the soft spot you still had for her, and when you looked at Shauna, it just solidified it more. You knew you weren’t going to be on the winning side of this argument. “Fine… FINE. I’ll do it.” Shauna, who you’re sure would’ve reached out and squeezed your hand if it hadn’t been holding Jackie’s form upright, mouthed a thank you. 

You gathered your things and led Shauna, who was still supporting her best friend, to your car. As soon as you went to unlock the back door for Shauna to slide Jackie into, Jackie found enough drunken athleticism to slide over to the passenger's side door. You looked warily at Shauna, who halfheartedly tried to bring Jackie to the backseat. As soon as Jackie started whining about how she didn’t want to sit in the back, Shauna conceded and got into your back seat instead. You rolled your eyes. You really didn’t want to be stuck up front with Jackie, but it seemed you had no choice. You took a deep breath before getting into your seat and pulling out of the parking spot.

The ride was quiet; for the most part, you and Shauna occasionally spoke and reminisced about things you did together that last summer before college. You almost forgot about Jackie sitting silently in the passenger's seat, or you would have if she wasn’t staring at you and Shauna as you spoke fondly about times that didn’t include her. You were about to turn to head towards Jackie’s house when Shauna spoke up.

“Y/n, I hate to do this to you, but is there any way you can drop me off first?” You gave her a look in the rear view mirror that said, ‘Are you kidding me?’ Shauna looked at you sympathetically. You knew she didn’t want to do this to you on purpose. “I know, I’m sorry. I just need to make sure Callie’s alright; I haven’t left her alone this long since before her dad left.” You roll your eyes but adjust to head towards Shauna’s house. 

When you pulled up to Shauna’s house, you could see there was a light on upstairs. Shauna sighs and mutters something under her breath about Callie being up at this hour and not texting her back. She scooted over and wrapped her arms around Jackie from behind the seat. "Night, Jax, see you soon.” She then got out and walked over to your door, then waited outside it for a moment with an expectant look on her face. “Aren’t you going to walk me to the door?” You smiled at the sentiment and got out, leaving the car door open, before you walked Shauna up to her porch. She enveloped you in a hug before you could utter a word of farewell. 

She pulled back before speaking. “You are not allowed to not talk to me for more than a week, ever again. You hear me?” You laughed. “I’m serious, Y/n.” Shauna continued. “I promise I'll keep in touch, Shauna.” You said, genuinely. “You better.” She leaves you with a lingering kiss on your cheek before heading inside. When you turned to walk back to your car, you saw that Jackie watched the entire interaction. She had such a sad look on her face when you walked back, you felt like you were caught doing something that you weren't supposed to.

After you got back into the car, there was only a beat of silence before Jackie spoke up. “So you’re not, like… in love with Shauna now, right?” There was a hesitance in her voice; all her insecurity was laced into that one question. “What? Jackie, that's—” You tried, but she cut you off. “Cause I hope she likes my sloppy seconds.” She had rolled down the window to scream the sentiment out towards Shauna’s house, as if Shauna would hear her behind the closed door. You hastily pulled her back in, scrambling a little. You were very aware of how much noise Jackie was making at such a late hour; however, Jackie wasn’t while she was in her drunken state. “Jesus Jackie, shhhh. What’s wrong with you?” Jackie sat back in the passenger's seat with a pout and folded her arms. “I just don’t appreciate the way she’s been acting with you.” 

“You don’t get to feel any way about how anyone acts with me. You lost that right a long time ago. Now let’s just go home, please.” Jackie lays her head back against the headrest and closes her eyes as she protests. “Noooooo.” How did you used to put up with her whining daily? This was exhausting. "No, seriously, Jackie. We have to go; it’s late, and I want to go to bed.” She continued drunkenly complaining. “I don’t wannaaaa.” You were desperate to not be alone with her anymore, so you tried to say something that would make her relent.

“Jackie, please, you have to go home. Jeff will be worried about you.” She shook her head against the window, practically falling asleep in your passenger's seat. You sighed. Of course, she was being stubborn with you. Twenty-five years of not talking, and she still acted the same. “What do you mean? Yes, he will.” You wouldn’t know; you don’t know how Jeff is, but it hurt more the longer that you stayed around Jackie, and you just needed to get away from her. She only laughed humorlessly at your comment as she slumped further into the seat. “Nuh-uh… Me and Jeff aren’t together anymore.” 

The confession hit you like a ton of bricks, so much so that it left you speechless for a moment. “What? Are you serious?” She nodded, her eyes still closed. “Mhmm.” You had a million things that you wanted to ask—how, why—but the only thing that left your mouth was, “Do the others know?” 

Only at this did her eyes slowly open, and she just stared vacantly down the dark street. “Nope.” Popping the ‘p’ when she said it. “Why?” She still refused to make eye contact with you when she answered. “The girls would just yell at me… Tell me that I hurt you for nothing. And I did; I know that. I don't have to have them tell me that I ruined the only good thing I’ve ever had when I left you.” You sat in silence for a beat, looking down at the steering wheel, as you tried desperately to process all that she said. 

You turned back to face her when she continued speaking, finding her already looking at you for the first time during the whole conversation. “I’m sorry, by the way. For what I did. I really wish I was a better person for you; you deserved it.” Her eyes were illuminated by the glow of the street lights, showing that she was tearing up.

A younger version of yourself would have hopped over the center console to hug her the second you saw her anywhere close to crying. The most that the current you could muster was to break the intense eye contact and utter a half-hearted "Yeah, well… we can’t change the past.” There was a pause in conversation; the air was tense now that Jackie had aired out all her dirty laundry. Her voice was low as she resumed speaking. “I wish I wasn’t afraid of what would’ve happened with us. Maybe I’d be happy now. We probably would’ve had a good life.” You put the car in drive, as you replied. “Yeah, maybe.”

You drive to Jackie’s childhood home, having memorized its path from every corner of Wiskayok. You wanted to ask so much more, but debated whether it would upset her. Jackie, who seemed almost sober now, is slumped against the passenger door, looking out the window. She spoke, but you were too lost in thought to hear it. “I’m sorry, what was that?” She sighed. “I said, I know you. You obviously want to ask something. Go ahead; it won’t make me sad.” Her bluntness caught you by surprise, but then again, what about her didn’t nowadays? 

“Well, how long has it been?” You don’t need to say what the question was pertaining to for Jackie to know what you meant. It’s a bittersweet feeling to know that, despite everything, she could still read you and know what you were thinking so well. She took a deep breath before she answered. “Almost a year now. It's why I wasn’t going to come this year; I couldn't face anyone. Not when I haven’t worked up the courage to tell them.” You nodded along as you continued driving. “Was there a reason?” She hesitated and turned to face you before she answered.

“Yeah, I just never could get over you. I still haven't, and I don’t think I ever will.” She said it so candidly that you were hoping you didn’t hear her correctly. You wanted to ignore the mixed feelings bubbling into your stomach, because now all of what she said the whole night was more than just high school nostalgia. More than simple ‘What if’ scenarios, and more than hints for you to read into. That was an admission, and you were so upset that that realization happened this late in her life. Now she had you thinking that you actually could have been happy together this whole time. You were so caught up that you almost flew past Jackie’s house.

You don’t say anything as you break and put the car in park. You kept looking at the steering wheel while Jackie tried desperately to meet your eyes, silently pleading for you to say something. All that you could think was that it was all for nothing. You were mostly afraid it was still the alcohol talking. You didn't want to get your hopes up for something that was only going to be true for as long as the booze was in her system.

“I think you should leave.” Jackie’s face dropped at your reaction, and almost immediately tears started to roll down her cheeks. “What? Y/n, no.” You still avoided her eyes. “Please, this isn't a conversation I want to have after you’ve been drinking. It’s best that you go inside.” At that, she braced herself in your car. “I’ve sobered up; please, can we talk about this?” She begged.

“Jackie, you have to get out of the car.” It took the last shred of your will to try to turn her away one more time. Jackie’s voice was hoarse as she yelled back at you. "No, I can’t. I can’t leave because if I get out, then I’ll never see you again, and it’s all my fault.” She was beyond being consoled by words. She was sobbing so much, you felt awful for upsetting her. Up until that point, you were doing your best not to get sucked in, but how could you deny her? 

“Okay, okay.” You relented. You got out of the car, and for a moment, Jackie had a look of panic on her face, seeming ready to chase after you if you left her. You got to the passenger’s door, and as soon as you opened the door, Jackie grabbed onto you and held you in a hug. You mustered up the calmest voice that you could when you spoke next. “I’m sorry.” She sobbed into your shoulder, mumbling, “Please don’t leave.” over and over.

“Please, can you stay tonight? Can we just go inside and pretend that I didn’t mess it all up?” She sniffled into your shirt. You nodded, slowly rubbing her back while you tried to soothe her. When you were younger, you’d dreamt about this scenario and getting to tell Jackie ‘no.’ But that didn’t happen. Truth be told, you don’t think it took more than a second of thought. "Yeah, we can do that, Jax.”

Once she had calmed down, you gradually began to let her go while whispering gently for her to go inside. She grabs your hand as she guides you through a house that was once so familiar to you. Jackie had moved and changed some things around, but it still looked relatively the same.

She pulled you toward her old childhood bedroom. Something about it felt so different. But not much was changed aside from her replacing the pink carpeting with a gray color. It felt almost like a betrayal to change something that was once so sacred to you both. An escape from her parents, a place where you could kiss her safely. It all felt foreign, even if it was the same room you had snuck into countless times just to fall asleep together. Jackie had always hated sleeping alone. You guessed that never changed based on the situation you found yourself in now.

Your musings were interrupted by Jackie tapping your arm. You turned and found Jackie with an embarrassed look on her face. She faced away and showed that she was struggling to fully unzip her dress from the evening. You rolled your eyes as she held her hair up with one hand, assuring it wouldn’t be in the way. Gently holding her shoulder with one hand, you slowly pulled the zipper down with the other. As her dress was being undone, more and more of her back was being exposed to you. It was intimate; she knew it. She could still read you like the back of her hand, so she knew exactly what she was doing.

Once the dress was fully unzipped, your hand slowly dropped from her shoulder, softly tracing Jackie’s skin in its descent. She turned and looked right into your eyes. She didn’t break eye contact with you when she reached up and looped her arms around your neck. As if it were second nature, you placed your hands on her waist. “I’ve really missed you.” She spoke in a whispered tone, as if there were any other people around to hear you. The only time her eyes left yours was to glance at your lips. Her intentions were obvious, and you were never that strong-willed when it came to denying Jackie something that she wanted.

You found yourself leaning in before you could give it a second thought. The urge to fall right back into place with Jackie was too difficult to deny. Jackie notices the action and moves to meet you in the middle. Once you were only an inch from each other's lips, you felt Jackie pull you the rest of the way into her. Her lips pressed roughly against yours, trying to convey every emotion she still felt for you.

Her hands move from your neck to thread into your hair. The grip you had on her waist tightened, and you brought her body closer to you. Jackie let out a small moan at the contact. After years of not hearing it, the noise sounded heavenly. It only spurred you on further. You backed her up against the nearest wall, and Jackie made a small sound when she hit it. Her dress was slipping further and further down her body as you kept going. The noises Jackie was making, the way she'd occasionally ground her hips into you, searching for friction. You knew where this was heading, and as lovely as that idea was, you knew you needed to stop. Everything in you wanted to continue, but you knew you had to separate to avoid taking it further too quickly. You pulled away, leaving a few chaste kisses on her lips to avoid seeing her pout.

When you both pulled apart, she was panting heavily. Once Jackie caught her breath, her face broke out into the largest smile. She always used to smile like that after kissing you when you were younger. You had to admit that it made you happy to see that you still had that effect on her. Jackie disappeared into her bathroom to get into her pajamas. It was at this point that you became painfully aware that you were still in your clothes from the reunion. You tried to adjust your clothing to be able to sleep in it.

Jackie came out of the bathroom while you were attempting to make your clothes as comfortable as possible. “Hold on!” She disappeared from the room with a smile on her face. You could hear her footsteps retreat, some fumbling sounds from the hallway, and her footsteps returning. She came back with a box in her hands. After she placed it on the floor and opened it up, you could see that it was full of your old clothes.

“You kept all these?” You said in astonishment as you sifted through all the clothes she stole from you years ago. She suddenly seemed bashful, watching you go through your old sports apparel and flannels. “I—uh, yeah, it’s always good to have some extra clothes lying around.” After finding a shirt and sweats that you found suitable for the night, you looked at Jackie. She nervously fiddled with her fingers before she continued speaking. “They actually still smelled like you for a long time after... everything. And it was nice, you know, to have some reminders of you still here. But just so you know, this is just a loan. I want those clothes back.” You smiled at her, getting up to give her a hug before you went to change. 

After you got into your old clothes that still miraculously fit very well, you crawled into her bed. Jackie hit the lights and walked over to the other side of the bed. You felt all the nostalgia hit you as you laid down on the soft sheets while Jackie climbed in as well. Her sheets and pillows smelled like her; it's comforting but brings a pit to your stomach at the same time. Laying in bed next to the love of your life for the first time in twenty-five years will do that to you, you guessed.

You laid flat on your back as Jackie curled into your side. She maneuvered your arm to hold her, effectively trapping herself against you. You both lay in the quiet of the dark room; the only light in the room was shining in from the streetlight outside. Jackie gingerly played with your fingers as you both sat in fulfilled silence. After a few minutes, Jackie turned her head to face to lay on your chest and held your torso. 

She was barely awake when she whispered to you. “Promise me that you’ll still be here when I wake up.” Her voice was muffled from her face being pressed against your chest. She said it so delicately, pleading with you. You were so caught up in the fondness of the moment that you took a beat to answer. After not immediately receiving an answer, Jackie opened her eyes and looked up at you. The sleepy expression on her face was wiped away, and you could see just how scared she was of never seeing you again. You'd do anything to never see her afraid like that again.

“I promise.” She took you in once more before leaning in and gently kissing you. It was innocent and lazy, kissing you just because she missed doing it. As if she were making up for lost time. Your heart thumped with an unearned feeling of domesticity. 

It only took a moment for Jackie to detach from you. She rolled to face away from you but scooched herself back to be flush against you. You took the hint and wrapped your arm around her waist. You could feel the grin that Jackie had on her face without even seeing it. She then placed her hand over yours and laced her fingers in between yours. No more than a minute or two later, Jackie fully relaxed into you. Her breathing slowly evened out as she fell asleep, still keeping a tight grip on you. 

Tomorrow, you’d plague yourself with the questions of what this meant for you and Jackie going forward. As for tonight, you just missed the feeling of holding her while you slept, and you���re not prepared to continue on without experiencing it every night. The rhythmic sound of her breathing and the smell of her conditioner brought a comfort to you that you had long forgotten. 

[buckys-wintersoldier]

Soo BBG, since you decided to challenge me I’d like to offer you the same challenge:

Slutty Drabble, the first character you think of~

Have fun and Take. Your. Time. Don’t want you stressing yourself alright?

Just a little bit where dark!Bucky punishes you.

Ohhhh bbg, I had a lot of thought since I got your request but I guess this one will be the best?😏😏

Pairing -> Dark!Boyfriend!Bucky Barnes x Girlfriend!Reader

Warnings -> 18+, Minors DNI, smut, dark!Bucky, mean!Bucky, jealousy, oral (male!receiving), deep throating, using of a toy (fem!receiving), degrading

“Think you can look at my best friend like a little whore, huh? Fuck, take it you fucking little slut,” Bucky say through gritted teeth. His cock pushing further down your throat and you gag around his huge length.

He hates when you look at another man, not caring who it is. When he is talking to someone your eyes have to be either on him or on the ground, how can you even dare to look at someone who isn’t Bucky?

“Such a slut, cock hungry little whore. Think you can look at him without consequences?” He growls, thrusting his cock in and out of you.

Honestly, he loves to see your fucked up look. Kneeling in front of him, big, watering eyes looking up at him while he uses you like he pleases. A sex toy pushed into your pussy, hitting all the right spots while you’re not allowed to come. In case you do, he has a worse punishment for you and Bucky has stamina, he can fuck you all night without problem, denying all your orgasm until you almost pass out.

Your fingers dig into his thick thighs while saliva runs down your chin and over your chest. Bucky loves that, he could let you suck his cock all day, making you choke on it.

Your walls clench around the toy in your tight, dripping pussy but you’re too focused on recognising it. You try to press Bucky away, needing a moment to breath but he doesn’t give it to you, just thrusting in a brutal and fast pace into your mouth, smirking when you try to cough.

“Fucking whore, see what you’re doing to me? Turning me into an animal. You made me fucking jealous and I hate it, but won’t lie — love seeing you fucked up in front of me, taking my cock like the slut you are,” he groans, finally pulling out of you.

You immediately inhale deeply, your mouth and throat aching. Bucky’s big hand grasps your hair, pushing you closer to his cock.

“Take my fucking balls in your mouth, come on. Now you want that, want to suck my balls. Both, doll! Take them both or make you,” he groans when you lick over them before you try to get them both into your mouth.

Bucky’s balls are huge and you struggle to get them both into your mouth. But you also don’t want him to help you because you know he isn’t in a mood to play games or be soft.

“Fuck, that’s it. Yeah, suck them. And don’t you dare to come over the toy,” he says, looking at your grinding hips. He knows you’re close but he doesn’t want you to come just yet, you haven’t earned it and the night is long and Bucky has to punish you for being such a whore.

“Good girl, taking my balls in your slutty little mouth. Fuck, come, take them, fucking suck them whore. And then we are going into the bedroom, how does that sound? Yeah you like that, huh, whore? Like the thought of being tied up to the bed, letting me fuck you like the fucking slut you are,” he mumbles, already thinking about a few ways he is going to fuck you before you get his cock and before he even thinks about allowing you to come — because when you come only over his cock.

Taglist: @kandis-mom @sergeantbarnessdoll @identity2212 @km-ffluv @lunaalovesyouu @bucky-barnes-lover @blackhawkfanatic @armystay89 @suz7days @etherealdisneyvillainness @pono-pura-vida @somnorvos @meowmeowyoongles @randomawesomeperson102 @rogersbarber @sebastianstanisahotmf @felicitylemon @cjand10 @bookishtheaterlover7 @casa-boiardi @futurequeen2018-blog @flstrawberry @capsbestgirl77 @nervouseden @jiyascepter @princesscore-angel @mrs-katelyn-barnes @sasha-writing @fanfictionreaderfan

[hazbinfallinginaspiral]

So this might be an odd one, but I cannot stop thinking about it, so here you go. How would the celebrity characters (Vox, Velvette, Charlie, Lucifer, Angel Dust, maybe Alastor and Valentino) fare on a show like Hot Ones? (Explanation below if you're not familiar. It's on YouTube too if you're interested.)

It's basically an interview show where the guests and the host eat chicken wings with 10 progressively hotter hot sauces. Typically, guests descend into various flavors of mania as the sauces get hotter.

Vox would act nonchalant but be out fairly quickly. He likes spicy food but his processors aren’t built to handle so much at one time, especially if it’s only getting worse. He’d likely glitch and spark before crashing.

- “Hot? What, I have no idea what you’re talking about, I’m fine. Tastes great! What do you mean I’m glitching out-”

Velvette wouldn’t even comment on the spice- try asking her questions and she’ll insult your clothing choice. She’s taking it slow and identifying every nuance of the flavor of each sauce before moving on, just to be petty because she likely didn’t want to be there. I think she’d get to number seven?

- “Mm, yes. It has a bit of a savory feel to it, doesn’t it? Really brings out the hints of desperation, sadness, and a profound taste of time wasting. Are we done here?”

Charlie, incredibly nervous. Out at around 3 or 4, eating any piece of bread she can find, probably crying. She’s dramatic but she’s trying.

- “Hoolllyyy shit- fuck, hold on, I am so sorry- gah! Why is my mouth on fire? Water, I need water! Oh shit that made things worse! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I NEED- YOU ALREADY HAD ALL THE BREAD AND MILK? I’m doomed. I’ll die to a hot sauce challenge. Check my will, I’m giving everything to Vaggie, Razzle and Dazzle.”

Lucifer, like Vox, would act nonchalant. Except he’s good at it. He’s been around since forever, and he’s likely had plenty of chances to get used to all sorts of food. He’d look at the bottle, take note of how it was made, how long the company has been around for, and dive into a short but sweet lecture on the history of the company, most popular flavors, etc. he’s probably pulling half of it out of his ass, in an attempt to impress Hell or look like a cool dad for his little girl. He’d be out of the game between 6 and 8.

- “Oh yes this is a family recipe! Can’t say I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting a living member of said family, but I know it’s made with both love and care. Yeah, I know! John is such a good man, and his wife? Makes the best chicken buffalo casserole you’ll ever have. The sauce isn’t particularly spicy, but the dedication and history behind it, the love this family holds for eachother, is really what brings tears to my eyes.”

Angel Dust is an immediate lose. He’s charismatic but absolutely unhinged, he probably doesn’t follow the rules. Asks if he can mix the sauces, then ends up chugging the whole bottle (number 2) for ten dollars. He does it, gets his money, and is disqualified immediately after. Insults everyone’s sense of style, their boring topics of conversation, etc.

- “Enough about the sauce, tell me, hot stuff, do you have someone waiting for you at home? Cus I’d sure like to sample this hunk of meat…”

Alastor is completely unphased by the sauce but extremely irritable. He finds it all completely abominable. From the cameras and the picture boxes it’d be seen on to the sheer disappointment and lack of spice in the sauce. He’d asked if the wings are even seasoned, when everything was made, how fresh it is, etc. He glitches out the footage so he can’t be scene and the host (or hells equivalent- look, I headcanon it’d be Tom trench just for the shits and giggles) is pissed at him for it. He makes it to 9 before he ends up killing someone and getting kicked off.

- “My mother was quite a good cook! Have I mentioned that before? She made the best jambalaya, the recipe was to die for. No, of course I’m not telling you! What would you do with it? Take out all the seasonings and add this poor excuse of a hot sauce bought from the store? No, no, no. I’d rather keep my dignity and reputation as a well respected man, thank you. (Scoffs) share the recipe? As if I’d ever do such a thing to my mother…”

Valentino is nothing but insults the whole way through. Cussing people out, making snide comments on the set up of the cameras, outfits, the hosting skills. He doesn’t even have the sauces in order, he chooses whichever one he wants and just sort of goes for it. He wins with ease. Nobody can get him off set, he’s mixing the sauces together, somehow brings his own?? He forces production crew members to join in and try the sauce so he can insult them, specifically on their tastes and lack of ability to handle it. He’s a menace, to say the least. Gossiping, talking about clothes and fashion, texting, etc. he wins but everyone is pissed because of it.

[reverieblondie]

So, Astarion is not the best at expressing himself in a healthy manner when he's upset about something and tends to lash out as a result (understandable given everything he has gone through, but understandable is not the same as excusable—it's something he would need to work on in order to have healthy relationships of any kind in the future). One thing I wish the game let us do is point this out to him or confront him about it (both in good and less good ways, because choice is this game's bread and bloody butter); it would have been very interesting to see how he'd react. With all of that said, how do you think he'd react to lashing out at Tav (platonic relationship and/or romantic relationship, but not on bad terms either way) over something that isn't really their fault or because they politely disagreed or something like that, but the instant the words leave his mouth he just sees the hurt fill Tav's expression before they try to end the conversation by just walking away from him (at which point they become rather distant and reserved towards him, though they still make sure he eats). If he immediately tries to backpedal or ends up approaching Tav to apologize after they've been reserved around him for a while, Tav tells him, "Your words didn't hurt me, but you said them with the intention for them to. You wanted to cause me pain. That is what hurt me. That's why I'm upset." then their stoicism begins to crack, and he can see them trying to hold back tears, "What did I do, Astarion? Why did you want to hurt me? What did I do to deserve it?"

I have been sitting on this ask for awhile because Astarion isn’t a character I know much about. I do think he has a great story and his characterization is great but he’s just not one of the companions I have romanticed but I have heard his is one well worth it. Honestly Astarion intimates me to write about because the Astarion girlies LOVE him and I don’t want to mess him up or anger anyone.

But with that said I love this ask because I can see this happening! And I think that this is something Astarion would do I think without fully realizing it, Astarion knows how to manipulate people and it’s his defense mechanism to hurt someone else first before they hurt him. And from everything in his past can you blame him for it? He doesn’t want to hurt anymore so he deflects.

I don’t see Astarion as the backpedaling type he’s the type to walk away and stew on it, I can see him even trying to pull the whole “your still mad darling? Look I’m sorry” But that’s when Tav tells him how much it did hurt how he was so quick to try and hurt them after everything they been through. It’s when Tav asks what they did to deserve that, that causes Astarion to drop his shields.

I’m my mind that’s when Astarion will sigh and open up, he doesn’t reach out for Tav for a hug or a hand hold, but he just lays it all out there. He’s not a good person, he hasn’t been for a very long time but for Tav he wants to learn, he wants to be the person who doesn’t hurt the ones he loves…he doesn’t want to break Tavs trust…just because he has been hurt doesn’t justify for him to hurt others. Tav means so much to him and he understands that Tav doesn’t have to forgive him or anything but he wants them to know that he is going to be someone worthy of Tavs kindness and understanding. He will show it through not only his words but through his actions.

Then it will hopefully led to them reconnecting and being honest, Astarion needs to be with a Tav who is a grade A communicator so when Astarion is feeling hurt they can talk about it in a healthy manner so they can both divulge their thoughts and feelings. Just have patience with him.

Sorry this took so long for me to answer hope this makes sense!

[destinygoldenstar]

“Feeling like you’re nothing is… kinda normal. If people even feel like that in the world I came from.”

TW: DISCUSSIONS OF SUICIDE

So this line specifically has been on my mind.

Obviously Pomni does not outright say she’s depressed. But she doesn’t need to. The show trusts us to pick it up for ourselves.

At first I thought it was just trauma, because… DUH. WHAT HAPPENED.

She experiences nightmares, she has zone outs, she closes herself off from her peers, panic attacks, etc. All pretty real responses to a traumatic event.

BUT THEN WE HAVE THIS LINE.

Now, I wouldn’t think too much of it if she said “In the world I COME from.” Present tense. So that would indicate she’s talking about the circus.

But she uses PAST TENSE here.

“In the world I CAME from.”

So she’s not talking about the circus.

We know she’s not because we know she was once a human in the real world.

Gooseworx confirmed that the Digital Circus characters DO remember their past lives, just not the key identify-defining details like their names. Which makes sense cause, well, if they had full amnesia they wouldn’t know they came from anywhere else at all.

So this implies she’s talking about her life in the real world before this.

So this may indicate that in the real world, human Pomni had anxiety & depression.

A theory someone else said, but I liked and could see being possible, was that each Digital Circus character represents certain mental illnesses. (My idea: Pomni - Generalized Anxiety & Major Depression Disorder, Ragatha - Separation Anxiety Disorder, Jax - Sociopathy, Kinger - Schizophrenia, Gangle - Bipolar Disorder, Zooble - Dysphoria) While it is questionable for some characters whether they experienced these in the real world or they gained them in the circus (Kinger is probably one of the latter’s case), considering Pomni’s new to the circus, it’s easy to assume the former. You don’t develop these mental problems overnight.

So here’s my theory: Human Pomni was an accountant at C&A, and got her hands on the information of the Digital Circus. As in, she knew EXACTLY what it would do to her…

…but she put the headset on anyway as an act of suicide.

This could be proven wrong in a future episode, but that is my belief on what happened to her. Would also explain how she had a vague idea on how the video game’s outside maps worked.

BUT, you may be asking, “If Pomni knew and did it as sudoku, why would she want to leave immediately?”

Survival reflex. (And I’m partially thinking about that Bojack Horseman speech at the penultimate episode of that show. You know the one.) It IS a thing for someone to attempt suicide, and then change their mind on it pretty quickly, whether it be the pain that came with it, or the fear of death. And this is in both cases whether the attempted succeeds or fails at the deed.

So the beginning of the show could be Pomni’s brain, scattered as it is, experiencing just that.

“Wait a minute. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to end it. I have to stop myself!”

But it’s too late.

She made her choice. She didn’t want to be ‘her’ anymore.

So she put the headset on.

She did the act.

There’s nothing she can do about it.

And since she TECHNICALLY isn’t dead, this is her processing her own existence, old and new, and what to do with it now.

THAT’s another reason why she has that nightmare about abstracting. Which could easily be seen as ‘mental suicide.’

A horrifying image on the outside. And on the inside, an image that’s far too real for her.

But she doesn’t have to have that be her fate.

There are people to help her and there are people that WOULD care if she dies.

Her story is about fighting the worst thoughts known to mankind and come out of that fight as a more emotionally realized person. As someone who wants to live. As someone who ISN’T nothing.

(This is a theory. Is open to be wrong.)

[therealmylesmorales]

And I welcome you with open arms…open legs…and an open mouth

[chittychittyyangyang]

Listen, you should never film strangers in public without their consent, but I swear there need to be fines or something for people who do that shit in some spaces. For example: I had to go to the ER last night, and some jerk filmed a woman who just came in and was clearly having an asthma attack. She immediately got to go back, and he was unhappy about that. Believe me, I get that it sucks having to wait when you're in pain, but you don't get to pick who deserves care when. The medical system in the US is a nightmare, and the ER could be the worst moment of someone's life. No one deserves to be recorded because some jack ass believes someone doesn't look like they need care.

This is fine to reblog. People who film strangers should be shamed if nothing else.

[julijbee]

playing pathologic 2 as a disconnected ndn hitting harder than local man expected, more at 8

[j-esbian]

see the problem with all of the puzzles in bg3 is like. sometimes the player (me) is stupid. and at least in a real dnd game you might get the dm to take pity on you

[skrunksthatwunk]

i just finished saw v and i don't have high hopes for the rest of the franchise (based on what ive heard) but im in too deep to stop now

[lecliss]

I think a 10yo just got attached to me in genshin and if this keeps up its gonna make me not wanna play cuz I don't wanna come off as mean if I have to tell her to give me some space, but I wanna play in peace ya know?

[neverendingford]

.