#Love Addiction

[destroyedbitxh]

I just want to stop suffering

[evanpeterswifeyyy]

I hate you,

I hate that I can never get you out of my head,

You’re like a plague and I’m sick

At this rate it feels like you want me dead,

You keep reoccurring stronger each time

Like a new strand of flu I keep getting sick with you,

Everything about you is infected,

Every song that plays that reminds me of you,

Every photo online of your friends,

I see them and I think of you,

The sound of your name swirls my brain,

Why can’t I just get over you?

I try so hard,

You’re making me tired,

Yet you persist like a stage 3 cancer,

Even with chemo I’m afraid you will always exist,

I’m attached to you like a bird to a wire,

I stretch my wings to fly,

And yet you pour down on me like rain from the sky,

And someday, I feel, my wings will never dry.

- an original poem

Stop this is so cringe. Sorry if my writing is god awful

[gennsoup]

Our mothers get us hooked, then leave us cold, all full-grown orphans hungering after love.

Erica Jong, Eating Death, for Anne Sexton

[multasuntcausaebibendi]

can't stay away from you you taste like cigarettes and blue missed the taste of liquor and your lips the way your hands feel on my hips it's like a drug and when we hug i feel the rush and crave your touch it's way too much addicted to the thrill of giving you the power to kill my haunting thoughts or me yet there's no place i'd rather be

-multasuntcausaebibendi (poem: "you are my drug")

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

[tapiokauwu]

text me

text me

text me

text me

text me

please, don't leave me

use me, do whatever you want

but don't leave me alone

don't throw me away

[litchiteany]

Hanging On

Hanging on since you’ve departed,

Why does sorrow burn, so heavy-hearted?

Your presence fades, a ghostly dawn,

Absence and longing linger on.

To love and be loved, my heart’s quest,

Recently, you were my honored guest.

Now, we’re strangers, cold as stone,

Did I know you, or just your tone?

Was it real, or mere disguise?

Were your kisses empty lies?

Am I alone in this heartache?

A routine you made, only to forsake.

My love for you lingers, still strong,

Though shame and anger whisper it’s wrong.

Clinging to he who’s gone astray,

In my soul, your memory stays.

JI

07-14-24

[iamyourheartkeeper]

Skewing avoidant while having disorganized attachment is an absolute mess.

I know how to do repair, know all the right things to say, am hyper-perceptive of my partners' needs, and naturally want to please.

But when I feel like I'm not having my needs met, I will withhold all of that. Because when I perform all the "right things" I actually feel nothing during actions other people would feel affection.

I am showing love because my attachment system says I MUST. But I am not attached.

So you give me your heart in my hands, and I know how to soothe you, but I feel nothing when I do.

And eventually, I will hate soothing you, and getting nothing in return.

And the anxious person I've attached to, feels like I'm killing them when I let go of the heart they put in my hands.

[marimeiastories]

You got me addicted to you

like addiction to Malboros Red

And now everyone else

tastes less

[destroyedbitxh]

You know you hurt me, right?

[princeruby]

"Oh Ruby, you're so intense!"

Brace yourself, doll.

- Prince of Erosia -

[starryvomit]

[multasuntcausaebibendi]

i love the way you make me laugh and scream into your sheets when you fulfil my sinful needs and all my darkest dreams i love the way you make me glow i think we shouldn't let this go

-multasuntcausaebibendi (poem: "laugh and scream")

[passionsuggestions]

I'm constantly getting cut on the precipice of your cutthroat glare

I still desire it, like a teenager craves a pencil sharpener

Like my wandering soaked up heart still sits with you

The only area we connect is anger

Every 3-5 business days or months I'm here

Sitting on a metaphorical doorstep drooling over a memory of you

A memory that maybe I constructed

A distant phone rings, and when I pick it up it's your voice, cold with hatred

The mailbox shoots a million poloroids at me, each a snapshot of your stabbing eyes on Broadway st.

The last time I saw you I felt my blood like permafrost

90 degree heat does nothing to quench me

I am insatiable, putrid, disgusting to you

Your anger has become mine

There's a reason I tried so hard to memorialize you before you left

If one loving touch was enough to last a lifetime, I wouldn't fucking be here

So much of your love is shards

Each one with a glint of a charming grin, a memory of safety as you held me

Perhaps they're a mirror, like our suns and moons, reflecting me, reflecting you

Maybe that's why they call it disorganized attachment

Because I can't fucking pick them up

Everyone else on the planet is just fine

They aren't moving, they aren't seeing

I'm pushing so hard at the crust of the universe to go back in time

I never will

Instead I'm memorializing anger

Instead I'm forgetting you, except in some dreams where you love me

My lungs burn for you

And for the lack of air you once gave me

There's no cut, drug, or drink that would quite touch me like you do

Nor a 12 step program for firework kisses

Or rehab for losing hours in your company

Slate eyes, twin flame, open fire

You are everything and nothing to me

A well-intentioned flame cannot lick away a fire that burns brighter

The more I try, the more you are there

The more you are there, the more I yearn

The more I burn and cut and bruise and wail

Anger is consuming me, and so are you

-E 2022

[tapiokauwu]

I always need love, I really want to be loved so much that when someone is kind to me and treats me nicely for 2 minutes, I feel like I'm suffocating.

It's like a poison, like a drvg, something I need and can't live without, but at the same time it hurts as hell, but I need it more and more...

It's painful, but please keep making me swallow this poison even if I become insane.

[litchiteany]

Love's Torment

Falling in love, a serpent's whispered guise,

A siren's call, beneath beguiling skies.

It tempts with promise, sugared and neat,

Yet leaves us yearning, incomplete.

The elixir of love, a soothing balm,

A fleeting escape from life's relentless qualm.

Yet like a double-edged sword, it cuts so deep,

Winding through wounds, hindering sleep's keep.

But withdrawal, a tempest, breaks the charade,

Tearing us asunder, heartstrings frayed.

Its tendrils grasp, a relentless throng,

A haunting reminder of love's sweet song.

We turn to vices, to numb the pain,

To silence echoes of love's refrain.

I defy sobriety, cling to the lie,

Preferring delusion, to truth's harsh cry.

Love, a drug, both sweet and stern,

Leaves us adrift, in anguish to churn.

When will respite come? I ask, aghast,

Clutching remnants of love that's past.

JI

04-17-24