#Marlene is also tired of hearing the same thing from james

[valoflunar]

when marlene shouts what in the platonic friendship at regulus and James bc James just said that he was just rly good friends with regulus and denied all accusations of dating thrown to him by Marlene but marlene has just walked into them making out

[poetskings]

@jegulus-microfic | April 18: sock | 1.6k

James is sexiled and decides to spend time with Regulus.

There’s a sock on the door knob.

It’s been a long day and James is tired and there’s a fucking sock on the door knob and if he listens close enough he can hear soft grunts.

He’s happy for Sirius and Remus, really, he is, he just wishes that they’d fuck at Remus’ every now and then, and at least keep it to the bedroom.

Sirius and James share a college flat with Peter, Marlene and Lily, so there aren’t many options when they’re all out. Today,  James knows that Peter and Lily have chess club, and Marlene’s training for the women’s boat race, so it’s only him who’d be around.

He sighs and turns around, sending Regulus a text as he goes.

Been sexiled – your dorm free?

He’s walking before he’s received a response – he’s almost positive that the answer will be ‘yes’, and he hasn’t seen Regulus in a week, so they’re long overdue a catch up.

Their friendship was one of the more unexpected things to come out of Regulus bucking centuries of Black tradition and instead following in his brother’s footsteps, choosing Cambridge over Oxford. He settled in nicely to Corpus Christi, flying through his first few years as a history undergraduate while Sirius and James chose Trinity instead.

It took a while but slowly and tentatively Sirius and Regulus attempted to heal their relationship, strained by Regulus’ years at Harrow after Sirius packed up and left when he was sixteen, dropping out and enrolling at a local state school instead. They’re much better now; their barbs at each other aren’t quite as jagged. There’s love there, now, rather than just animosity.

As Regulus and Sirius attempted to mend their relationship, James and Remus had been called in early on to mediate, or sometimes it was Regulus’ friends, Evan and Barty, or even Pandora. From those early tentative meetings in neutral territory, new and interesting friendships bloomed, most of all between Regulus and James.

From early study sessions, it evolved into coffee dates and library outings, and when Remus and Sirius sorted their shit out it became even more frequent – the pair never make James feel like a third wheel, but nonetheless they deserve time to themselves, even if James would prefer for them not to fuck on every and any available surface in their dorm.

Regulus is a comforting presence for James; he doesn’t demand anything of him. James is naturally an extrovert; always the centre of a room, but sometimes he needs to recharge, and Regulus lets him do that. He reminds James of calm waters on a spring day, and whenever James needs to quiet his mind, he finds the youngest Black. He only hopes he offers Regulus some of the same comfort in return.

That, and maybe something more. Maybe he hopes that one day there’s a sock on his door knob, and that the reason is Regulus..

James is drawn out of his thoughts as his phone dings.

Sure – text me when you’re here, will come meet you

It’s a five-minute walk but James makes it there in two, calling Regulus to get him to buzz him in. He’s a familiar figure amongst the second years at Corpus, and he’s pretty sure a few of them will have also texted the youngest Black to alert him to James’ presence.

The college door opens and Regulus emerges, dressed in sweatpants and a Trinity rowing sweatshirt that James left last time he was over. He’s so lovely, James thinks, an impulse he doesn’t know how to control; isn’t sure he wants to control it.

“Sexiled, huh?” Regulus holds the door open as James steps through, falling into step with each other and walking up a flight of stairs to reach Regulus’ dorm. It’s empty, although that isn’t uncommon for Regulus. Barty and Evan hold unsociable hours, and Regulus, Pandora and Dorcas have a frankly insane amount of extracurriculars to attend, so they’re rarely together.

“There was a sock on the front door and I’m pretty sure I could hear noises so I didn’t want to risk it,” James says, settling himself in the kitchen, finding Regulus’ mug and a new one with a deer in glasses; a ‘congratulations’ for James’ performance in the inter-college boat races that’s become a permanent fixture in Regulus’ dorm.

He locates the teabags; Yorkshire for James, organic for Regulus, before turning back to the mugs.

“I don’t blame you – those two seem to spend more time fucking than not – it’s a minor miracle they get any work done,” Regulus chuckles, gently bumping James’ hip to get to the fridge, taking out his oat milk and James’ rice milk.

They settle into the routine like it’s second nature; they’re familiar with each other in a way that’s almost intimate. They stand together waiting for the kettle to boil, perhaps a bit too close for it to be entirely platonic, but James isn’t going to move away if Regulus doesn’t.

He always feels like they’re teetering on the edge of something more than what they are, something better, but for all of James’ bravery, he isn’t sure how to make the next move, and he doesn’t want to wreck this peace that Regulus and his brother have been working so hard on.

“So, how was your day?” Regulus asks, tilting his head to better look at James. He looks unbelievably soft in James’ jumper and James thinks that if he just moves his pinkie he can link it with Regulus’.

“Exhausting. I had rowing first thing and a few readings to do for my supervision that I’d completely missed,” James sighs. He loves his degree but he’s never been as organised as Regulus, who seems to have work done almost before it’s set. “Also, I spent a solid ten minutes looking for that jumper.”

A light blush creeps up Regulus’ cheeks at that. “Sorry, you left it here after practice last week so I washed it but completely forgot to text you.”

A smile falls across James’ face. “You’re fine, Reg, and besides, it suits you. I guess I should get myself a Corpus one to match, huh?” He smirks as the red of Regulus’ cheeks becomes more pronounced.

The kettle whistles and Regulus turns away from James to fill their cups. “James Potter, behave yourself.” He hip checks James again, this time with a bit more force. Except he doesn’t move back. He stays there, leaning against James, and James feels like his entire body’s a livewire.

The tightrope they’re walking is getting more taut, and James finds himself eager for the fall.

“But Regulus, dearest, where’s the fun in that?” He leans forward, entirely too close for it to be platonic, and Regulus is turning, turning-

“Ow! Fuck!” James forgot about the fact that Regulus was holding a kettle of boiling water, and he’s paying for that now. Water splashes over the counter as Regulus rushes to put the kettle down, taking James’ hand and leading him over to the tap.

He turns the cold water tap on, letting it flow over their entwined hands. He is too still, too silent, and James wants to go back to where they were. He wants the tightrope back. He wants to fall.

He can be brave, he thinks, if it means he gets to have something with Regulus.

Regulus is staring intently at their entwined hands, like it’s the most fascinating thing in the universe, and James breaks the silence.

“Reg-”

“What are we doing, James? We’ve been tiptoeing around each other for weeks and it’s driving me insane and I want to be around you all the time and I think I’m already half in love with you so I’d love if you can clear up what this is,” he states, false bravado injected into his tone, but James can hear the tremors. He’s so nervous, but so brave. Regulus Black, the Lion Heart.

It takes a while for the words to register in James’ head.

Oh.

Oh.

James removes his hand from the running water, ignoring the slight sting and the inevitable burn that will be left. He cups Regulus’ cheek, forcing the younger boy to look at him. Regulus is terrified, but so hopeful.

“Reg, I- I want-” James runs his hand through his hair in frustration. He can’t get his words out.

“Jamie?” Regulus’ voice is so soft, as though he’s worried he’ll scare James off, and the only thing James can do is kiss him.

Regulus’ lips are rough, a bit chapped from where he nibbles on them when he’s nervous. He tastes of tea and cinnamon and James wants to devour him. There is nothing soft about it. James’ tongue darts out, soothing Regulus’ lips, and the younger boy lets out a moan that’s pure filth and ecstasy and James is falling, falling, fallen.

He wants to do this forever.

His hands find their way to Regulus’ waist, tracing the skin underneath the Trinity sweater that’s been driving James insane since he first saw Regulus wearing it. It’s his, it’s him.

They break apart to breathe and James attaches his lips to Regulus’ neck, marking, claiming. He can’t think beyond this moment, beyond the boy in front of him.

“Jamie, we should- we need to-” he cuts himself off, broken sighs escaping his lips as he tangles his hands in James’ hair.

James reluctantly removes himself from Regulus’ neck, taking the boy’s face in his hands. “Do you want this, Reg? Do you want me?”

Regulus’ eyes trace James’ face, and whatever he sees softens him.

“Always, Jamie.” And James is lost.

They’ll talk about it later, as the sunlight paints the walls of Regulus’ room, but this is enough for now. For ever.

And if Barty finds a sock on the door knob when he comes back from the library, well, that’s between him and Regulus.

[multishipperofgaydeadwizards]

*clears throat and pulls up with a powerpoint* (/jk im making this uo as i go and spilling whatever comes to my brain)

Peter/Sirius *jazz hands*

1) Plant. Dads. There is no other way around this ok? They're plant dads. Peter got Siri into it and now they're both obsessed and are at the top of the class in Herbology along with Alice.

2) They would such a beautiful dynamic omg like Sirius "I say whatever that comes to my mind/ I blatantly flirt" Black and Peter "I have a hard time coming to terms with my feelings/ I can't flirt at all but if someone flirts to me I'm dying on the spot" Pettigrew mhmm mhmm

3) The heartbreakkkk Peter pining over Sirius. And Sirius "I'm in my denial phase I'm not gay" Black going around hooking up with every woman in sight

4) ooooh wait no let's switch things up. Peter is very upfront about his feelings. It takes him time but he gets there eventually. He'll go to Sirius straight up and say "I fancy you. Do with that what you will" and Sirius is just standing there dumbfounded.

5) Sirius would make the first move tho, he would kiss Peter and then he'll move away unsure and Peter will just be like JSKSKDLSMDKDNDKNF externally and internally

6) they'll have picnic dates after they raid the kitchen and its all cute and cottagecore and fluffy

7) the betrayal oooh just imagine how heartbreaking it'll be omg like watch as Sirius spends his time in Azkaban being in denial and then slowly becoming a being of pure rage

8) he leaves Azkaban half cause he wants to hunt down Peter and make him pay but also cause a part of still believes in Pete and wants to hear it from him that he was under a spell or that it a mistake. Something. Anything.

9) ok also thinking about this now I feel like if Startail had happened then the betrayal would have happened? Cause like Peter's flaw was that he kept feeling left alone even tho he actually wasn't as much as his brain led him to believe. He felt left alone with James being Sirius's other half and Remus being Sirius's love of his life right? So now it's like- I don't see a point in the betrayal

10) oooooh wait Dark Pete mhmm mhmm. He is jealous of James because as long as James was there Sirius could never be fully his so he does what he has to for love. In his eyes, he did the right thing.

11) But he miscalculated and ended up losing everything. (And that's why he helps Harry in TDH2)

12) soft top Peter and trying to be bratty but incredibly failing cause of all the softness and care bottom Sirius

I rest my case, your honor.

welcome back to my inbox. I'm glad to see your ideas are still incredible

1) YES!!!! they have so many plants. sirius doesn't get the hype at first (he thinks it's dumb that peter named all of his plants), but then one day the love for the plants hits him like a punch to the face. he hasn't been the same since

2) delicious. they're perfect, for eachother and in general

3) yeah, poor petey :( james tries to support him through it but he doesn't help all that much. marlene tells peter to get over it bc sirius isn't worth the heartbreak (she has one-sided beef with sirius bc of it) (Sirius doesn't know why she suddenly hates him)

4) hsisbidurbo you can combine those two. peter at first waits for sirius to realise that he's not entirely straight... but then he gets tired of it and just tells sirius. the flabbergasted look on sirius's face was an extra

5) bright red peter bc sirius just kissed him. finally. only took him seven thousand years or something

6) yesss. hc that peter is an honorary hufflepuff, and the house elves LOVE him (almost as much as sirius does)

7) the hurt he must be feeling :( he probably refused to believe that peter framed him. there was no way his peteyboo would do that to him, right?

8) yeah. he'd be sure that there must've been something. peter would never do that to him. not his peter

9) maybe sirius and peter go through a rough patch and voldemort or someone else (cough cough jealous ex-lovers rosekiller cough cough) is in peter's ear telling him that sirius is going to leave him if he doesn't do something about it

10) + 11) hdbdoebaobe9ebeos sod o eow e9rbekwze9eb9r dark!peter omg I love this sm. yes, that terrible terrible miscalculation. costing peter both his childhood friend and lover

12) personally I view peter more as a bottom... they're switches. that's how easy that is. but yes, soft dom peter is so real. my boy could never be mean (he murdered people) he's a total sweetheart (he was part of a murderous and pretty much racist cult)

this amazing. I'm excited for the next time you stumble into my asks

[arianaagreyy]

I Love You || James Potter

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Words: 2096 words

Warning: Fluff, Insecurity, Emotional talk, Panic attack

___________________________________________________________

Y/N was the talk of Hogwarts. Intelligent, Sarcastic, Funny, Athletic but most of all, beautiful inside and out. The kindest soul to walk the grounds of Hogwarts. Kind to the Slytherins that bullied her, kind to the children who adored her.

It was no secret that James Potter was absolutely head over heels in love with his amazing girlfriend. Both of them were the ideal couple. Quidditch players, smart students, attractive looks. Girls envied Y/N whereas boys envied James and he liked showing you off as well.

But despite being loved by boys and girls alike, Y/N always had trouble fitting in. The day she transferred from Durmstrang to Hogwarts, she was terrified of how she'll fit in. She was on the verge of a panic attack when a red-head girl had so kindly offered her a hand to show around the castle, thus starting the friendship between Lily Evans and Y/N Y/L/N.

Now, with her friends, Y/N, Lily, Marlene and Dorcas entered the Potions classroom, tired because of laughing so hard from all the way from the Gryffindor dormitory to the Dungeons.

"Welcome ladies. So very kind of you to grace us with your presence", Professor Slughorn's voice seized their noise of laughter. Slughorn had a very sour expression on his face whereas two rows away, James Potter was looking at his girlfriend in awe.

The way her deep blue eyes were glistening in the light and shiny from laughing so hard, the way her lips formed the most beautiful smile James had ever seen in his life, the way her Y/H/C hair framed her perfectly carved face. He was so in love with her.

His thoughts were interrupted by a paper plane hitting the back of his head and falling on the table. He lifted the paper to open it.

Whipped. -Signed Moony, Padfoot and Wormtail.

He turned back to see the three boys trying to muffle the sound of their laughter by putting their hands on their mouths. James rolled his eyes and mouthed "Fuck off".

"We're sorry Professor. It won't happen again", her beautiful voice spoke. James looked around the class to see the boys looking at her with such admiration, It made him want to hex them all into the next century. Only he could see his Y/N with those eyes.

At the same time, James looked back at her just to see she was looking back at him with a smile so warm, it almost melted him.

"It shouldn't happen again. Now get inside. We already lost a lot of time", Slughorn rushed the girls into the class. All of them took their places next to their respective partners, Y/N being paired with Lucius Malfoy whereas James was stuck with Snape who, once in a while looked at him, rolled his eyes and went back to doing what he previously was.

James glanced over Y/N's direction to see Lucius Malfoy laughing silently on something Y/N said, a smile on her face as well. She was too good to people, even if they were undeserving of her kindness.

As time went by, James started getting more aware of the laughing noises coming from where his girlfriend was sitting. There were many thoughts running through his mind.

What if she thinks I'm not good enough.

What if she's not happy with me.

They both look so happy.

She has the ability to see the goodness in even the darkest of souls.

What if I'm not enough for her.

Consumed by his thoughts, he was at the verge of a panic attack when Professor Slughorn announced that the class was dismissed. James quickly picked up his books in one hand, slung his bag over his shoulder and bolted out of the classroom, not even sparing a glance towards Y/N, who was looking at James with concerned eyes.

Y/N sensed something was wrong so she very politely excused herself from Lucius, packed her stuff and ran off to the direction James did.

They had been together for nearly a year now but neither of them had told the other that they were completely and utterly in love with them. Y/N decided to tell him today. Now.

She had been building up her confidence to say this to him for a while now and that's what she was discussing with the girls earlier in the day until Marlene had changed the topic into something too hilarious.

She climbed the stairs that led to the Gryffindor Common Room, hoping she would find James there. She entered the Common Room to hear the sound of heavy breathing alongside muffled sobs coming from the boys' dormitory.

A lump formed in her throat as she slowly made her way towards the source of the sound. She opened the Marauders' room to find James sitting in a corner of the room with his knees scrunched up to his stomach, elbows on his knees and hands in his hair. He was shaking violently from the pressure of his sobs.

Y/N stood there trying to absorb the situation. Her strong, smart, funny boyfriend was sitting in a secluded corner of a room crying because of God knows what.

She slowly took steps towards him and fell on her knees in front of him. He somehow felt her presence as he stopped shaking and tried wiping away his tears but Y/N stopped his hand from reaching his face.

"You should be in class Y/N", he said, his voice raspy from crying so badly. Y/N's heart broke at the sight in front of her. He didn't lift up his head as he talked to her.

"And you should be dropping me to class", she spoke in a calming voice, trying to soothe him. Whenever she talked in this manner, James' nerves always calmed down but somehow this time, they only grew. His breathing started getting heavy again but he refused to look in her direction.

He knew he was over-thinking. He also talked to girls but Y/N never reacted in this way whereas when Y/N talked to any guy, he would start feeling this indescribable feeling to break that guy's face.

Y/N detected his heavy breathing and placed her hand on his bicep. James felt her soothing touch and his breathing returned to normal. Y/N then placed her hand on his already messy hair and started massaging his head, something she knew James liked.

He looked up to see her eyes full of concern and tears at the brims of them. As soon as Y/N looked into his eyes, a tear escaped her eye. His hazel eyes didn't have that mischievous glint in them; they had a broken look in them, like he lost something very dear to him.

James' hand was quick to wipe away the tear that left Y/N's eye. She looked so concerned for him. Just for him.

"James what's wrong?" she asked, her voice so calm, so enchanting.

"Is everything ok? Are Mia and Monty ok? Did something happened to Sirius? Are you hurt?" she bombarded him with concerning questions.

He shook his head as an indication that nothing of that sort happened. Her eyebrows furrowed as she spoke in a low voice:

"Did I do something wrong? I messed up. Didn't I?"

James quickly stood up on his feet, ears ringing from anger. How could she think that she did something to sadden him. She's perfect in every way. A perfect friend, a perfect girlfriend, a perfect daughter.

Y/N also stood up quickly, her hand falling from James' head.

"HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT?" he practically screamed at her.

"HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT YOU DID SOMETHING THAT COULD EVER SADDEN ME?"

By now he had lost all his senses. Nothing mattered more to him that his Y/N. His.

"You're the reason I smile everyday. You are the reason I wake up everyday. Just to look at you. You bring joy in my life, happiness that I never knew existed. Everything you do is so bloody perfect. You are so perfect", he spoke in a hushed voice but loud enough for Y/N to hear.

"And I can't even begin to thank you for all that you've done to me, for me. But me? What did I do to you besides showing you public affection? I never talked to you in class. I didn't buy gifts for you. I didn't stand up for you in class. I don't deserve you", he spoke, his eyes no longer connected to Y/N's.

She looked at the boy standing in front of him. That confident, arrogant toe-rag who looked so vulnerable right now.

"I see how the other boys look at you. With such admiration in their eyes. Whenever I find them staring at you, it just makes me feel as if I'm not good enough for you. I'll never be able to-"

He was cut off by Y/N throwing a pillow at his face. He finally looked up to see her face stained with tears, similar as his. Her eyes weren't glistening with happiness, they were glistening with sadness. Sadness that he could think he's not good enough for her.

"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?" It was her turn to scream now.

"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME", she shouted, tears falling from her eyes.

James was staring at Y/N with wide eyes. She was such a calm-spoken person and hearing her shout was new. But some part of him calmed down hearing her defend him.

"James, none of those boys were there for me when I needed help, none of them comforted me after my nightmares, none of them helped me catch up to my studies, none of them defended me from bullies. It was you. It was you all along", she said in a calm voice yet tears were still silently flowing from her eyes.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me James Potter. I don't care how those boys look at me. I care about how YOU look at me. You make me strong Potter. You make me happy", she said with a smile. I teary smile made its way to James' face as well.

"And I have absolutely no idea why you're so insecure about yourself because-", she stopped and took a deep breath.

"Because I love you James Potter. And even if I have to remind you that, I'll do it every single day, I will. Because I'll go any lengths just to be with you", she ended with a sniff.

James stood frozen, staring at her. Looking into her eyes.

Love.

He saw love in her eyes. Love for him. Not Lucius, not anybody. Him.

Before he knew it, he was taking fast steps towards her and slammed his lips to hers. This felt right. It felt as though they were home. In each other's arms. A comfortable warmth spread through their bodies as they held each other close with an intention of never letting go. Y/N was his drug and he gladly surrendered to her.

They broke apart with a smile etched on both of their faces.

"I love you Y/N. I love you more than myself", he said, sincerity in his voice.

"I know. I'm just too irresistible", she said, flipping her hair off her shoulder and looking at James with a smile that he wished he he could see everyday.

James pulled her into a comfortable embrace. Her hands rested on his neck and his on her waist, pulling her close. He dug his face into the crook of her neck.

"I'm never letting you go Mrs. Potter", his voice came out muffled. She let out a small chuckle which made blood rise to James' cheeks.

Suddenly, she pulled apart and looked at him with a glint in her eyes that meant trouble.

"Did you get jealous because I was talking to Lucius earlier?", she asked with a raised eyebrow. James didn't reply, just looked down, his face getting redder. she let out a laugh.

"Oh my god. I absolutely have to tell Pads and Moony you got jealous of Lucius", she shouted as she darted towards the exit, looking at James one more time before winking at him and left.

Too surprised to do anything, he let out a laugh of his own. A laugh of happiness, a laugh of love.

[aurorablue22]

Scarface - Young!Remus Lupin x Reader

Summary: Somebody decides to mess with Moony. 

(A/N): This can be interpreted as a platonic or romantic relationship between Remus and the reader, it hasn’t been specified! Also, as far as I know, I have created the names and characters of Michael Bershire and his crowd. 

Warnings: violence, blood, mention of scars, heavy swearing. If you are sensitive to these things, please do not continue below the “keep reading” line. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a typical Sunday night for Remus Lupin. As per usual, he had picked up prefect duties for this evening, and wandered throughout the corridors of the castle. 

Midnight was fast approaching, and Remus paused for a moment. Due to him being a werewolf, his senses were amplified, meaning that one of his abilities was superb hearing. 

Lupin cocked his head towards the dungeon staircase, where he heard a bit of commotion. He didn’t even have a moment to approach the noise before the cause was revealed. 

Michael Bershire and his Slytherin gang. 

Remus forced himself not to roll his eyes. Of course, they just had to be out while he was on prefect rounds. 

It seemed that the five lads didn’t notice Remus until he cleared his throat. They quickly snapped their heads in his direction.

“Lupin, ol’ chap! What’re you doing out so late? Haven’t you got a book to read?” Michael Bershire held his head up high, an annoyingly perfect grin plastered on his face. His gelled auburn hair reflected so strongly the candlelight in the halls. 

Remus had to refrain from rolling his eyes as Bershire took a few steps forward. “Gentlemen, it’s approaching midnight. I’ll have to ask you to return to your dormitories.”

“Oh and that we will do! It’s just, we’re a bit preoccupied at the moment. Isn’t that right, lads?” Bershire looked back at his companions, who nodded fervently. 

Remus was taller than Bershire, but because of his horrible posture, they seemed to be on the same level. He bit back a grimace when Bershire’s painfully minty breath stung his eyes. 

“Now if you’ll excuse us, we have business to attend to.” Bershire dramatically turned, his house robes swishing behind him. 

“Well then,” Remus says, “I’m afraid I’ll have to report you to your head of house, and I don’t believe you’d want that to happen. So if you don’t mind-”

And just as dramatically, the Slytherin boy whipped around again. 

“What was that, Scarface?” 

Before Remus could even form words, Bershire was stalking towards him. 

“How dare you speak to me in such an authoritative tone? After all, you’re... well you’ve got mud in your veins!” 

“And blood on his face.” one of the boys behind him added. Remus recognized him to be Adam Percival, the greasiest boy he knew. 

“You’re right Perce, he does have blood on his face. What, was ol’ Minnie upset you didn’t grade her papers for her? Or was it-”

“Shut it, Bershire.” Remus tried his best to compose himself, but couldn’t seem to look away from his shuffling feet. The full moon was only a few days ago, and he’d been left with a couple scrapes around his jaw and cheeks. 

Michael Bershire was baffled. That is, until he came up with another one of his clever ideas. 

“Boys, I’d say we teach Lupin a little lesson. After all, he should know - given his crowd - that snitches are frowned upon.” The 5 Slytherins slowly stalked towards Remus. “And you know what they say-”

“Snitches get stitches.” 

It was then that Remus was swiftly grabbed by two of the boys, and his arms were held behind him as Bershire swung at his stomach. Once they’d decided he’d had enough, Remus’ arms were dropped and his knees buckled under their forceful kicks. 

They pushed him onto the ground where they continued to harm him; kicking and hitting with all their might. It seemed like ages before they let up. 

Slowly, they backed away, but not before Michael could kneel before Remus’ shaking form. 

“Remember what I said, Lupin.”

And with that, he stood up and hurried away, while Remus was left alone in the dark corridor. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sirius’ head perked up as Remus entered the common room portrait hole. 

“Moony you’re back! Merlin we thought you got lost-”

“Where ya been, mate?” James cut him off. “We had to play three extra rounds of exploding snap waitin’ for you!”

Peter sat up from his position in front of the fireplace. “Alright Moony? You seem kinda quiet-”

“Good Godric Remus, you look awful!” Sirius shouted when Lupin faced them. 

“Yeah, and I feel just as great.” he said, taking a seat on the worn out couch. 

James came to sit on the armrest beside him. “What happened Moons?”

After Remus came to explain the series of events, the rest of the Marauders were fuming. 

“Oh I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him!” Sirius shouted as he kicked over a coffee table.

“Sirius please, not now!” Remus groaned, covering his ears. “All I want right now, is to go to my room, and get a good night’s rest. Alright? I’ll deal with this bullshit in the morning.” 

“Here, we’ll help you up.” James offered his arm, to which Remus took politely. Just as they were lifting the lycanthrope off the couch, they heard giggles coming from the staircase leading to the girls dormitories. 

“Who’s there?” Peter whisper shouted, receiving a “You bloody idiot!” and a slap from Sirius. 

“It’s just us!” Marlene whisper shouted back, as she, followed by you and Lily, entered the common room. 

“What the hell are you doing up?”

“Nice to see you too, Black.” Marlene raised an eyebrow. 

“If you really wanted to know, we were hungry, and figured the house elves might have some snacks for us. What’s your excuse?” Lily said, crossing her arms over her pajama top. 

“Remus just got back from prefect duties, figured we would-”

“Sweet Merlin Remus, what happened to you?” you suddenly exclaimed, making Peter jump. 

You rushed over to him, taking hold of his face, forcing him to look at you. 

“It’s nothing (Y/N), really. My transformation was a little rough, that’s all-”

“Remus, your transformation was three days ago. What the bloody hell is all this?!”

“Bershire beat him up.” James confessed. 

Remus turned to face Potter, shooting imaginary daggers at him. 

“She was bound to find out anyway! Besides, look what he’s bloody done!”

“Michael Bershire did this to you? That bastard-” 

Remus gently removed your hands from his face. “Listen, I appreciate your concern, but I really don’t want to deal with this right now. Can somebody please just help me to my room?” 

The boys swooped in and half carried Remus to their dormitories, while you and your girls quietly said goodnight. 

“Can you fucking believe that?!”

“Marlene, hush.”

“That fucking twat. Oh, I can’t wait to see what the boys have in store for him. I bet-”

“Marlene, please! Remus said he didn’t want to deal with this right now, so we’re dropping the subject. I say we go back to our rooms and get some rest.”

“But I’m hungry!”

“Swallow your spit. Now c’mon.” Lily ushered Marlene back up the stairs, before turning back and taking your hand. 

“You alright, (Y/N/N)?” she gave you a knowing look. 

“I’m with Marlene. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lily was the earliest riser in your dorm. That being said, she took it upon herself to wake the rest of you up in the morning. You’d had a half decent sleep, and as you rubbed your eyes awake, you heard the playful banter of Marlene and Alice.

“Marls, get a move on!! You know what we said about those Hollywood showers!”

“It’s Americano, Ally!”

“I don’t give a damn what it is! Get out!”

You and Lily were ready before the rest of the girls, so you walked arm in arm down to the Great Hall. It wasn’t until the Marauders sat at your table you recalled everything that happened last night. 

“Alright (Y/N/N)? That vein in your forehead looks like its’ bout to burst.” Sirius said while grabbing a stack of pancakes. 

“Do you have an bloody clue what you’re going to do about this?! Remus, you can’t let Bershire off this easy.” you turned your head towards your favorite (and slightly bruised) lycanthrope. 

“I swear, I’m fine. And besides, the boys will work up something eventually.”

“Yea, eventually.” James exclaimed through forkfuls of food. “Moony made us promise to not even look at Bershire for a week!”

“A week?!”

James nodded enthusiastically, cheeks stuffed like a chipmunk. 

“Since when do you defend bullies, Remus?!” you practically yelled, clenching the cutlery you were holding. 

“It’s not that (Y/N), it’s just-”

“It’s because he’s afraid of him.” Peter blurted out, making everyone’s heads turn. His hands shot over his mouth in realization. 

“Why is it the only time you open your mouth it’s to say something stupid?” Sirius said, hanging onto a glare. 

“You’re afraid of Michael Bershire?! Remus that’s not healthy! That’s- that’s horrible! Sweet Merlin Rem, I’ll show him what to be afraid of-” Remus cut you off.

“I’ve told you already, please don’t make me repeat myself again.” Remus placed his hand over yours. “The boys will handle this eventually. If you really love me, stay out of it.”

You settled down then, but still scanned the Hall for any signs of Remus’ attacker. The rest of breakfast carried on as usual, the rest of your friends joining you for the meal. 

Sirius walked you and Mary to class, giving you each a courteous bow. 

“Shall I pick you up after your lesson, my fair ladies?” he said in a deep bow, with a rigid posh accent. “The gentlemen and I were planning on.. err.. skipping our courses.” 

You giggled at Sirius’ poor attempt of finding a replacement word for “skip”.

“Yeah, why not. See ya then, Black!” Mary turned towards the door.

“I bid you farewell my lovelies!” he then proceeded to bound down the hallway to Astronomy, which was on the complete opposite side of the castle. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your class, Defense Against the Dark Arts, passed fairly quickly. And just as he had promised, Sirius came to pick you up, now with James and Marlene in tow. 

Marlene beamed at the sight of you and Mary. 

“Thank Godric you’re here! I was getting tired of these two.”

James gave her a light shove. “We’ll be meeting Moony and Wormtail towards the east end.”

“Couldn’t convince Lily to come along?”

James looked like he was about to protest, but sighed in defeat. You and your friends continued down the corridor, eventually meeting Remus and Peter after their rigorous Astronomy note-taking. You soon found yourself squished between James and Remus, marching down the main hallway.

“Hey, I thought we were sticking to the east end?”

“Silly (Y/N), we were meeting in the east end.” Sirius explained, as if he were speaking to a child. “Now, we’re on our way to the west end.”

“Ah right, and it makes perfect sense to take the busiest corridor in the school.” Mary quipped, and Marlene giggled.

The walk was pleasant, and filled with greetings from fellow classmates. Every now and then, James and Sirius would snicker about something, or mutter jokes to the group. It was then, that you saw him.

Michael Bershire, proud and tall, lead his pack of nuisances opposite you down the bright hallway. Most students ducked out of the way to avoid him, and a few first years were visibly shaking at the sight of him.  

Your vision went red as you locked eyes on your target. It was time.

“James,” you slipped your bag off and passed it to your left, “mind holding this f’me?”

“Uh, yeah su- (Y/N)!!”

In the blink of an eye, you had left your friends’ sides and found yourself hurtling towards Bershire. Although you were smaller than him, the sheer impact of your collision with him knocked the two of you off your feet. You landed on top on him. 

He knocked his head off the stone floor, and for a moment you thought he’d lost consciousness. But the bewildered look in his eyes told you otherwise. It was now or never. 

“YOU BLOODY BASTARD!” you screamed, letting hell rain down on Michael Bershire. You swung left and right, pummeling his once perfectly sculpted face. You could feel the bruises forming on your knuckles already. “HOW DARE YOU TOUCH REMUS LUPIN?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU BLITHERING FUCK!”

Somehow, Bershire had managed to wrap his legs around your waist, pulling you towards him and flipping your bodies so that you were beneath him. He pinned your wrists beside your head, and you felt the concrete sting your hands. 

‘No, how dare you, you muddy little bitch?!”

And that’s what set you off. You produced a sound that could only be described as a battle cry, and flung your forehead up and into his. Distracted by the headbutt, Bershire’s tense core loosened the slightest bit. It was enough for you crunch up and bring your knees into his groin, causing him to cry out in pain. 

Using his own momentum against him, you successfully flipped around again, resuming your position above his quivering form. Your hands found themselves around his throat, and without realizing it, you were bashing his head in the ground. 

thunk, thunk, thunk.

It was only Professor McGonagall’s shrill cry of fear that brought you back to reality. 

“MISS (L/N), GET OFF OF THAT BOY!”

You felt strong hands wrap around your arms and shoulders, whipping around to see that it was the four Marauders pulling you away from Bershire. The Slytherin gang was dragging said boy’s writhing and groaning form onto a cot from the hospital wing. 

You only stopped your kicking and resistance when McGonagall approached you, pointing her finger in your face, looking more angry than you’d ever seen her. 

“My office. Now.” she spoke, in such a tone that visible shivers went down your spine. The boys had yet to let go of your arms, and half carried you down the hallway of gawking and goggling students. 

Once arriving to her office, McGonagall stood in the doorway. She looked expectant and impatient all wrapped into one. You were finally let go of, and slowly turned to the four boys behind you. 

James and Peter still looked a bit shocked, and you found little comfort in the proud look Sirius was trying to hide. But Remus’ face is what hurt you the most.

“Rem, I-” you croaked. He wouldn’t even look at you. “I’m so sorry, I don’t-”

McGonagall cleared her throat bitterly behind you, cutting you off. You whispered another, barely audible “I’m sorry”, before following the Professor into her office. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello my lovelies!! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. Let me know if I should follow up with this fic! 

Also, a reminder that requests are open!! <3

~Aurora

[juuuuliee]

The beauty of silence

A/N: Hey, I hope you are well : ) I found some inspiration again and wanted to write a story.

If you possibly have ideas, let me hear them. My requests are open and I'm happy if you write me and send me some ideas, no matter what (except smut) and also no matter to which H.P character. I hope you like the story, love you and see you soon!

Wordcount: 1k

Pairing: Sirius Black X Reader

Warnings: none

Genre: fluff

Sirius, forget it!" Y/N shook her head as she crossed her arms in front of her.

Come on, Y/NN. It's just a broom, you'll be fine." Begged Sirius with a pleading look, but she shook her head vigorously.

Sirius had, once again, tricked her... He felt he really needed to show her something and that she would like it. Well, sure, like it. Flying? Was the boy tired of living or what? She hadn't lived 17 years for nothing, only to crash and die flying a broomstick with her oh-so-great boyfriend.

"No offence, but I prefer not to die today. I'll do it some other time... No, actually, not at all. I'm not dying. And to make that happen, I'm not getting on that broomstick with you. Merlin, don't you think I've ever watched a Quidditch match?! It's a wonder you and James aren't dead already. Not to mention Marlene, Merlin that girl has been to the hospital wing more times than Remus and we both know that must be a lot!" Y/n babbled quickly to herself and Sirius just grinned at her, which she didn't notice because she was already continuing again.

"So I'm going to go and LIVE. I think I'll do some homework or something, maybe even have a drink with Lily and toast to not having died today, because-" before she could say any more, Sirius pulled her up onto the broom by her waist and pushed herself off the ground.

"AHHHHHHH!"

, Y/N screamed, squinting her eyes. She could feel the sharp wind against her cheeks and clung to Sirius' upper arm with one hand and the handle of the broom with the other. The wind was loud and cold and she could feel the pressure in her ears getting stronger and stronger and the broom seemingly getting higher and higher. After a while the wind calmed down and it seemed as if they were just floating very slowly at the same height. Slowly Y/N opened her narrowed eyes again and the surroundings around her slowly came into focus.

She was about to start scolding Sirius, but then she looked down, which was a very bad decision in the end.

"Oh you Merlin..." she gasped at the sight below her.

There were light clouds hanging below them, making it a little difficult to see down, but she could still see everything. Feeling miles away, lay the Quidditch pitch. Everything looked much smaller... You couldn't even see the rings anymore because they were so thin. Even the grandstand seats were no longer clearly visible. Her gaze went a little further and she could just make out Hagrid's lands.

Everything was far too far away. Far too far...

"Merlin," she repeated and she heard Sirius laugh. Slowly and carefully, still afraid she might fall, she turned her head in his direction, just so that she could look at him with one eye.

He grinned crookedly at her and she noticed that he had to pull himself together not to laugh out loud.

"Go on, say it." She said with a roll of her eyes before she too started to grin a little.

What do you want me to say?" he asked with a laugh as he brushed a strand of hair behind her ear that had come loose from her braid during the take-off.

Keep your hands on the broom!" she warned him and he laughed again.

I wouldn't let you die, Y/N. You know that. You know that very well!" he said with a smile and she just nodded before turning away from him again and looking straight ahead. The view that presented itself to her there was breathtaking.

There were many beautiful things in the world. Like the smell of the rain or vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce. Beauty was diverse and everyone perceived it differently. Beauty is laughter and love. Beauty is hate and humility. Beauty is the smell of a new book or when a rainbow stretches across the sky. Beauty is so much more than how something looks or what someone is wearing. Beauty is what you think and how you see things. Beauty is someone's voice in the morning. Beauty is partly so close, yet so far from the world when it doesn't want to be seen.

And what she saw there was beauty.

The clouds were hanging down and the lake looked almost black. It was not a perfect sunset, nor was it a perfect, clear view. It looked like art when the clouds met over the lake and the sun's rays only shone on the shore of the lake. It looked beautiful as dark clouds formed at the end of the horizon and gave the whole view a rather darker taint.

It wasn't perfect, but it was beautiful....

"Wow," Y/N whispered as she pressed her back close to Sirius' chest.

"Yes," he whispered back, leaning his head on her left shoulder as he tightened his hold around her stomach and pulled her a little closer.

There they sat, metres off the ground in their own world, silent and not talking, yet so close and understanding of each other. They didn't always need words to show what they felt for each other. She noticed it in the way he held her. Close and secure. She noticed it in the way he gave her neck light kisses and buried his face in her hair. She noticed it when he rubbed her back after a long day and whispered soft nothings in her ears and He noticed it in the way she played with his hands and rings or stroked his arms.

They loved each other and knew it without telling each other. Whether in the air on a wobbly broom or after a bad argument. They knew it and would always know and recognise it.

That was the silent, unrecognised power of beauty....

[lumosinlove]

PREVIOUSLY ON RELIC KEEL

Dorcas meets up with Marlene at Marlene’s house and Luke is there—we figure out Marlene and Luke are cousins. Luke, as it turns out, has a neglecting mother (as well as a father who has been taken to jail, Marlene’s father doesn’t want her dating Dorcas because she’s from Salazar, and Marlene still hasn’t told Dorcas that she got into college.

Saint goes to wait for Logan at The Carrows in Salazar, where he restocks his Crucio supply.

Lily and James are painting one of the Potter’s old boats together. Lily is confused and frustrated—and in love with James. James, already hurt and trying not to cause himself further harm but also not wanting to lose Lily entirely, lets Lily kiss him but ends it there. They’re both nervous about college.

Instead of Logan, Saint runs into Luke first, who, as a last resort, is going to the Carrows for Crucio. Luke seems to have some surprises up his sleeve—a love for books that Saint shares, perhaps. When Saint does spot Logan, he makes Luke get into his car so as to not alarm him, and steals his dad’s gold watch in the process.

When Saint goes to fetch Logan, they run into Amycus Carrow, who tells Saint that Logan owes them for using their stash of Crucio without paying—but they won’t tell Saint or Logan how much Logan owes.

As a result, Logan gets it into his head that he can pay off his debt if he finds the treasure of The Voldemort, the one that Leo’s dad died looking for. Logan tries to get Saint to help by asking what he wants most, and when that doesn’t work, asking what he hates. Perhaps Saint is one for revenge, rather than need.

Sirius and Dorcas finally get Saint talking about Logan and his time at Saint Clair. Saint reveals that there were harsh punishments for bad behavior in Saint Clair. He also reveals that, for reasons he can only guess at, when kids turn 18, the age at which they could leave the orphanage, they decide to stay. Saint believes Crucio has something to do with it. He has memories of being extremely tired at night, and having vivid dreams—he doesn’t say what these dreams were about. Saint believes that many of the kids, if they arrived young enough, don’t know how to tell the difference between a Crucio-filled mind and a Crucio-free one. The scene ends with them receiving an invitation to a party at James’ house.

Logan finds Leo at his family’s workshop and says he wants to help him find The Voldemort. Leo wants to finish his father’s work, Logan needs the money—Saint shows up, seeming to have found his motivation, too, whatever it may be.

***CW: mentions of taking drugs and being drugged, brief mentions of blood, brief mention of death of a father***

part vi

In his dream, Finn was in a house. There was a woman sitting at the table, a man at the stove, and a boy leaning against the counter. Everything was murky at the edges, even their laughter.

Finn knew what family was. He’d read about it. He’d thought about it. With Logan, he’d felt it.

What he didn’t know, what he could never be sure of, was whether he’d seen it. What it looked like. What his looked like. Every time he thought he did…he’d wake up.

They had begun as pills—vitamins. But pills could be kept on the tongue.

Powder couldn’t be kept from food.

Finn, sweetheart, the woman said in his dream. How was school today? Is Logan still coming over for dinner?

Your boyfriend, the other boy teased, smiling. The man turned from the stove and laughed, reaching over to tussle Finn’s hair.

Yeah, Finn heard himself say. He is.

He looked at the woman—his mother, maybe—and she looked different than she had a moment ago.

We can play pick up, the brother said—but he wasn’t anymore. There was a sister, and now a brother again, now two brothers. And then his mother was at the stove and his father coming in from the yard, and then there was a younger sister sitting on his lap, and then he was the younger brother and his dad was coming home from work, briefcase in hand, closing the front door, giving his mother a kiss—

Finn woke up. His throat was dry and his eyes were, too. He used to wake up crying when he was younger. And Logan had been there, both of them not understanding.

Finn didn’t know if Logan understood now. Finn hadn’t figured it out until after he’d gotten Logan out, not entirely. Not about the Felix. Just about the kids that weren’t leaving. Something was keeping them here, and all he had wanted was to protect Logan and himself from that. Now that he knew that it was Felix that kept them here…Finn couldn’t see why they wanted it so bad. He didn’t want these false glimpses of family. He didn’t want Felix. He wanted Logan. Logan was real. His only comfort was that Logan was free of it. Of this place.

Finn blinked slowly up at the walls of the solitary room. His eyes were heavy. His head, his limbs. He hadn’t eaten anything in almost a week now.

And the dreams still came.

Maybe it wasn’t anything but his own head that was doing the imagining now.

He knew what was real, and this wasn’t it.

~

Luke looked across the deck at his mother in her lounge chair and pinched the Felix, within a small plastic bag within his pocket, to make it sift back and forth. A sound only he could hear. That, and the ice cubes in his mother’s whiskey. The sun was hot on his bare chest, drying the water droplets left from the pool quickly. He couldn’t stop rubbing the place where his father’s watch had been. Just thinking about it, about Saint and his quick fingers, made him snarl.

His mother’s ice cubes rattled.

“I want to start going through your father’s things,” she said airily from beneath her floppy sun hat. “There’s just so much of it. His papers, and all those fat books he has. God, that stupid treasure obsession.”

“It wasn’t stupid,” Luke replied as evenly as he could. “And he’s not dead. He’s coming back.”

His mother laughed. “Oh, sweetheart.”

She had cut her hair very short after Luke’s dad had been taken away. Luke couldn’t get the images out of his mind. Her, walking back through the door the next day, with her long blonde hair cut to her chin, curling just beneath her jaw. She had smiled at him and given her head a shake. Like it, mon lumière?

My light, she called him. When he was little she’d kissed him goodnight with that nickname every day, turning on the small nightlight that he kept—he still kept it. He’d tried not to, but every time, every night, the dark was just too dark. He was almost mad at her for giving it to him in the first place. If he had just gotten used to the dark…maybe he would be more prepared now.

Since his father, she’d been moving about the house like nothing had changed. Or, rather, like something had changed, and she was all the better for it.

His father’s leather chairs were gone from the living room, replaced by two baby blue couches that made Luke sick to look at. The pirate ship wheel was gone from the wall, too.

Luke didn’t know this mother.

Not even the island knew this woman. They knew the bake-sale-bringing, strict-rule-making, no-nonsense-grounding mother that Luke had known his entire life. He’d spent so many nights furious in his room after she’d caught him sneaking out or drinking.

And now, here his mother was, offering him a glass of whiskey at eleven in the morning.

Luke pinched the Felix between his fingers more harshly.

“No, thanks,” he said, and squinted back out towards the ocean.

“If you’re sure,” his mother said. “Well, I just said so because I’m tired of looking at it all.”

“Don’t get rid of it,” Luke said, trying to keep the pleading out of his voice. “I like his office. Mom, it reminds me of him.”

Luke had spent hours in there, laughing with his father, talking about history and literature, sneaking the rare puff on his cigar.

Then, they had taken him away, and his mother had gotten a hair cut, and suddenly Luke didn’t know anything anymore.

“Excuse me,” Luke mumbled, and left his mother in the sun with her drink and the pills that were no doubt already within. She was getting high more than he ever had now.

Luke could barely see anything inside the house after the bright day outside, but he didn’t need to see. He could have found his father’s study, and everything in it, blind.

He was still damp when he sunk down shakily into his father’s desk chair, the plush leather smelling of cigars, and took the bag of pinkish powder out of his pocket.

Just to see him again.

Just for something else to have happened.

Just not this.

~

Remus met Sirius in James’ kitchen again. The large glass doors were flung wide, opening out onto the porch and the pool beyond where a projector and screen were set up, along with chairs and blankets. Lily had set out the floating lanterns that the Potters put in the pool during their dinner parties and they floated idly back and forth in the evening breeze, giving out a soft yellow glow to mix with the dusky blue that came in from the ocean. The palm trees leaned over the house’s surrounding gate, swaying.

The counter between Remus and Sirius was covered in food. Pizza and nachos from Thomas’ family’s restaurant, chocolate chip cookies, chips and salsa, sodas and liquor.

“If you’re gonna do it, do it in the house,” Mrs. Potter always said.

Sirius looked the same, but fresh out of the ocean. His dark hair was damp, dripping onto the collar of his faded t-shirt. He looked like the ocean had the same effect on him as it did on Remus. Sirius’ eyes looked brighter. His shoulders looked more relaxed. He looked up from where he was pouring some whiskey into a cup and even managed an easier smile than usual.

“Hey,” Remus said, taking a paper plate from the stack. “How’s it going?”

Sirius’ eyes found his, then he looked down, stoppering the bottle. “Pretty good, you?”

“Pretty good,” Remus said, and then took a breath before testing the waters. “Had a nice sail this morning, clocked a shift at the museum, can’t complain.”

Sirius glanced up quickly, and Remus suppressed a smile as he loaded his plate.

“Oh,” Sirius began. “I mean, yeah, I saw.”

“You like sailing?”

Sirius nodded. “Kris lets me take one of his out sometimes.”

“Kris?” Remus questioned.

“Oh,” Sirius cleared his throat. Remus watched some of those ocean washed walls begin to go back up. “Yeah, he runs the boat rental shop over in Rowena. I guess you wouldn’t know given that you have…you know.”

Remus tried to side-step the awkward shift. Sirius seemed to have ideas about him already. Remus wished he had some clue about Sirius, beside his ocean-eyes and guarded expression.

“Well, that’s cool of him,” Remus said.

Sirius nodding from over the brim of his cup. “Yeah, it is.”

“Hey, well—” Remus shrugged. “I mean, I’m sure you do it on your own all the time but…you know if you ever wanted to…”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. Remus hadn’t finished his sentence.

“I mean, if you ever wanted to,” Remus began again, and was suddenly nervous. Sirius didn’t even like him. It looked as though he didn’t like Gods in general. He’d probably think this was charity. He’d probably hate Remus for offering. “Go out.”

Sirius’ eyebrow raised further.

“On my boat,” Remus said, all in a rush. His cheeks were hot. “Go sailing on—my boat.”

Remus didn’t know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t for Sirius to do nothing at all. He stood there, frozen and off guard.

“Only if you want,” Remus said hopelessly. “I get up pretty early.”

“So do I,” Sirius said, and there was the slap of flip flops from behind Remus.

“Look who I found at the kid’s table,” Saint’s voice came, and he leaned on the counter beside Remus in his tank-top and shorts, taking a nacho off of his plate. “Hello, Remus Lupin. You’re looking flushed. Sirius, are you making him blush?”

“Um,” Sirius said.

Remus just shook his head and reached for a soda. He felt idiotic, and now more so, after being interrupted. He could hear the others talking and laughing over the movie and wished he was over there—wished he hadn’t tried to hit on Sirius Black, of all people. He didn’t know if Sirius liked men. He didn't even know Sirius.

“Re, Saint, Black, someone bring me back a drink!” Marlene’s voice came over the chatter. She was tangled with Dorcas on one of the blankets, leaning back into her chest.

“Why do you look like you’ve done something?” Sirius said, drawing Remus’ eyes back to him.

“Well, I haven’t yet,” Saint replied. “But just watch.” He leaned closer to Remus. “Fruit-Loop, I need you to get me into that museum of yours.”

Remus looked at him warily. “How do you know I work at the museum…”

“A friend,” Saint said.

Remus looked at the hand Saint was resting his chin on. He was fairly sure that was Luke’s father’s watch.

“Get you in?” he asked. “Why not just go?”

Saint looked at him like he was entirely put upon, like he couldn’t believe Remus hadn’t caught on yet. “Because I don’t think what I’m looking for is on the floor, as they say.”

“Saint,” Sirius said incredulously. “What…what?”

“Can you help?” Saint looked at Remus. “You know, I could just take it.”

“Let you take something from the museum?” Remus laughed. “No.”

“Fine,” Saint sighed and pushed up from the counter, taking Remus’ plate from him and beginning to walk away. “I was just giving you the option to make this a little easier.”

Remus stared after him, then looked at Sirius, who shook his head before Remus could even ask.

“No idea,” Sirius said.

~

Saint didn’t actually know that many movies.

The movie theater was fine, but old. Grimmauld didn’t have a TV. It definitely didn’t have a large projector screen and James’ laptop. There was dancing on the screen. The actors were some place warm. He didn’t recognize it.

Books, on the other hand. Books, he knew.

He spied Luke resting on his forearms, long legs stretched in front of him on a blanket near that back of their group, and smiled.

“Deveaux,” Saint said as he sat down, placing the plate between them. “Pleasure to see you again.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Oh Jesus, who invited you.”

“The peace keeper named James Potter,” Saint replied. “Not sure what sort of peace he thinks there is to keep. I, for one, think he’s made it all up in his head.”

Luke grabbed Saint’s wrist, the gold of his watch beneath his rough palm.

“This is mine,” Luke said. “You little thief.”

“Is it?”

“Saint,” Luke’s eyes were dark in the dying light and flickering screen. “Give it back to me.”

“What will you give me?” Saint asked, and leaned in.

Luke snarled and let go. “I’m not bargaining for my watch. You stole it.”

“I steal a lot of things. Your mother has good taste, by the way. So does Mrs. Potter. Unlike some of these God mothers. Do you think they know their husbands buy them the fake stuff, and save the goods for their mistresses?”

“Fuck off.”

Saint broke part of a cookie off. “Those are your two favorite words.”

Luke just shook his head, his jaw tight and angry, eyes remaining on the screen. Saint chewed slowly.

“What’s this?” Saint asked, jerking his chin towards the screen.

He felt Luke look at him. “You don’t know?”

“I just asked, didn’t I?”

“What?” Luke scoffed. “It’s Mamma Mia. You’ve never seen this movie? Where the fuck have you been?”

Saint looked at him steadily.

“Right,” Luke nodded. “Fucked childhood, and all that.”

“That’s one way to look at it, thank you, tweedle.”

“What else haven’t you seen?”

Saint flicked the hand with the watch on it. “How the fuck should I know?”

Luke’s eyes followed the gold for a moment, and then he looked back out towards the others. Saint did, too, laughing softly. He could practically feel Luke trying to decide how to get the watch from his wrist.

“Irish wrist watch,” Saint whispered. “Irish wrist watch, Irish wrist watch…”

James was sitting with Lily. Marlene and Dorcas were to the side, dancing along to the music with Thomas. Sirius and Remus had followed him out of the house and were, to Saint’s surprise, sitting awkwardly beside each other. Sirius seemed to be asking about the movie, too, and Remus explaining it to him.

Fucking Gods, Saint thought as he looked around at the glowing pool, the mountain of food in the kitchen. Fucking Gods and all their careless lives.

He wondered if maybe he should have brought Leo along, if his sob story about his dad might have gotten Remus to help.

Remus works at the museum, Leo had said. Me and Logan heard him say, him and Layla—her family owns it. If there’s any chance of seeing another copy of that map, it’s the History Museum.

“I’ve never seen you be quiet for this long,” Luke’s voice interrupted.

“You’re the one who ruined it.”

Luke reached between them for the plate and plucked up the other half of Saint’s cookie. “I was just saying.”

“I’ve never seen you not glower for this long—oh, there it is.”

“Give me my watch back.”

“For what?”

Luke paused, then said, “Books.”

That made Saint look at him. Luke’s eyes were on Saint’s wrist, but Saint remembered him in the car, reading James’ copy of Shelley. Saint felt stormy again, a familiar building in his chest that always simmered.

“Excuse me?”

“Give me my watch and I’ll give you—”

“So, you are bargaining.”

“You seem to like hand-outs,” Luke bit back. “You take books from James, don’t you? Not to mention this,” Luke shifted towards Saint. “You take a lot of things from people you claim to hate.”

“Ouch,” Saint said, and it really had hurt. Waste of space. He smiled.

“I can do you better,” Luke said. “Tell me what you want.”

“You mean your daddy could?”

Luke’s expression went cold all over. Lightning, over the strike of green in his right eye, nestled among the deep brown. “What’s his is mine now.”

Saint wondered if Luke had Crucio in his system right now. He didn’t have the tired look of it. Come to think of it, Luke never had that look, not like Logan did. He must take it at night, Saint thought. To sleep, maybe. Some people used it like that. Some people thought it let them control their dreams.

Saint didn’t think anyone could control their dreams, their wants and wishes—waking or asleep. Even if they wanted to.

“Was this his, too?” Saint looked at the watch face.

“God, just—” Luke broke off, shoulders tense, and rubbed his eyes. “What the fuck do you want? Money? Just tell me and give it back.”

Saint checked the time, then looked back at Luke.

“One-thirty. My bedtime. And I don’t need shit from you,” Saint said breezily, and patted Luke’s thigh before pushing himself up from the blanket.

“Saint,” he heard Sirius say faintly, but nothing from Luke, and he kept walking through the Potter’s house.

~

Sirius was almost angry at Saint. Or, maybe, he was angry at himself for wanting to stay at the Potters. He knew why he had been invited, why James had wrapped an arm around him, told him to help himself to the food, why Remus had talked to him, sat beside him, offered…well, he wasn’t sure what Remus had offered.

Pity.

At least, he thought he knew.

Though talking to Remus had felt far from pity. Remus laughed with his eyes squeezed shut, and it had taken Sirius off guard each and every time. He was angry at Remus Lupin. He was angry at him for his words when they were eleven.

Are you okay? Sirius, right?

As if he didn’t know Sirius’ name, and of course Sirius wasn’t okay.

But now Remus Lupin was talking about his boat, and this movie, whatever it was, that Sirius had never seen, and smiling at him as though he’d done nothing wrong.

Or, at least he had been, before Sirius had followed a blank-faced Saint out of the house.

“What are you doing?” Sirius asked Saint’s retreating back as they jogged down the steps to the driveway.

Saint had merely held up something that jingled over his shoulder. The car keys glinted as much as the watch on his wrist which Sirius knew wasn’t his own.

“Taking Luke’s car.”

“Saint, come on,” Sirius sighed. “I mean—that looked pretty fucking civil. Non?”

Saint turned on him. “Oh, yes, and you could hear every word? Non.” Saint kicked one of the tires. “Fuck the Gods, and fuck their shiny cars, too.”

Sirius shook his head. “What’s this—museum stuff? What’s going on? Saint, just talk to me—”

“You took Lupin’s side,” Saint breezed as he chirped Luke’s car. “You don’t get to know.”

That stopped Sirius in his tracks. He took a step back. “Since when do we do that?”

Saint slammed the door, sitting in the driver seat.

“Not tell each other things?” Sirius pushed forward. “Since when?”

Sirius watched him through the rolled down window as he ran his hands over the dark leather of the seats, the shiny black of the dash.

“There’s a lot you don’t know,” Saint said softly. “There’s a lot I don’t know.”

“What do you want from the museum?” Sirius tried again. “Is this about…Saint Clair? Logan? Ever since he showed up—”

“Orphan!” came from the house just moments before the front door blew open. Luke zeroed in on Saint behind the wheel instantly, sandy hair casting shadows over his forehead and eyes. “What the fuck is up with you and taking my shit?”

“See you at home, sweetheart,” Saint said to Sirius, and started the car. Luke brushed past Sirius and tugged fruitlessly on the locked door.

“Hey,” Luke only just managed to bang on the back window as Saint screeched out of the Potter’s drive. “Saint!”

Sirius watched as Luke stood there in the humid night, watching his own taillights disappear. He cursed again, running a hand through his hair, and then turned.

Luke looked at Sirius. They stayed a few feet apart in the driveway.

“Do you know where he’s going?” Luke asked, breathing heavily.

Sirius did not like Luke Deveaux.

“No,” he said, and turned back into the house to find Remus.

~

Leo looked over at Logan. They were sitting on the curb outside The Lion, waiting for word from Saint, and Logan was quiet. Not that Logan wasn’t usually quiet, but this felt different. He was picking at an old scab on his knee, taking his hat off and putting it back on again.

“Are you okay?” Leo asked, and Logan didn’t look up when he nodded.

“Is it,” Leo hesitated. “Finn?”

That snapped Logan’s head up. “How did you…”

“You said his name to me,” Leo said softly. “The first night we met. You were…” but Leo didn’t really know the word. High? Hallucinating?

“I know what I was,” Logan sighed.

“Do you want to talk about him?” Leo asked. “I mean, you don’t have to I just…I know it helps to talk about my dad sometimes.”

“Finn isn’t dead,” Logan said harshly. He took his hat off, pushing his hair back, and put it back on again.

“I know,” Leo said. “I know, I just meant—never mind.”

Leo, in a way that Logan would probably hate him for, was dying to know more about Saint Clair. Saint had been around long enough that Leo sometimes lost track of the fact that he’d escaped. Others were around the island, doing work and looking normal enough that Leo could forget about them, too.

But he couldn’t forget Logan. Logan, who was tortured and rough and missing someone in a way that Leo could feel, that Leo could recognize.

Beautiful, with his green eyes and rare smiles, that Leo knew he should steer well away from. Because Finn. Finn sounded like—

“He’s my—” Logan began, then shook his head. “I don’t know what to say. Boyfriend sounds—small.” Logan shifted, looking at Leo. “He’s all I have. He’s all I’ve had for a long time. Since I can remember. My entire life.” Logan ran a hand over his face, and when it came away, he looked exhausted. “I’m just repeating myself, but do you get it?”

“Yes,” Leo said. “I get it.”

“And now he’s—and I’m out here, and…”

“And you want to get him out, too,” Leo finished for him. Logan looked stricken.

“He got me out,” he said softly. “When it came down to it, he chose me. But I didn’t have time to choose him. It was all over so fast.”

Leo rubbed the colorful bracelet on his wrist. Boyfriend. “And when you say you’re looking for him…Waiting for him…”

“I know where he is,” Logan said. “And the waiting part was a lie. I’d be stupid to wait. I need to get him. He—“ Logan swallowed. “There’s a courtyard. Where I can usually see him. But he hasn’t been there.”

Leo watched Logan’s throat bob again. He was picking at his nail beds, at the scab. Leo lay his palm over his restless fingers, and Logan looked up, eyes bright.

“He needs my help.”

“Okay,” Leo nodded. “Okay.”

“Lovers on the wharf,” came a voice, accompanied by thumping music. Saint pulled up in a sleek looking car—that definitely wasn’t his own. He leaned out the window, grinning. “Deveaux has terrible taste in music.”

“You stole this car,” Leo said dryly. “Didn’t you.”

“Yes I did, Knut. Yes, I did.”

“Let's go,” Logan said. He sniffed and picked up his backpack.

“Who’s got shot gun?” Saint asked.

~

Remus stopped in front of the gallery heading that read Madness On Hogwarts.

He hadn’t asked his mother about it yet. He wasn’t even sure how to ask. But, there it was. The name Lupin was there. He didn’t have to look far. It was there, telling about the slow demise of the mind.

Part of Remus had always wondered when his own would begin.

Another part of him felt like it already had.

He was, after all, standing beside Sirius Black on the dark museum floor, looking for a rogue orphan from Saint Clair.

“It seems pretty quiet, to me,” Remus said. “You really think he came here tonight?”

“He stole Luke’s car, didn’t he?”

Remus snorted. “Yeah, but…”

“So, that’s very get-away-ish of him. I mean he blamed it on hating Gods but—“

Sirius cut off, swallowing, realizing what he said.

“It’s okay,” Remus said and smiled a little. “I…it’s okay.”

Sirius cleared his throat. “It’s just that ours doesn’t always start up.”

Remus’ tried to ease the tension. “Get-away-ish?”

Sirius just shrugged and ducked his head, but Remus thought he was maybe smiling, too.

“Why didn’t you tell James where we were going?” Sirius asked instead, shining his flashlight over a model of a great merchant ship, its sails molded to seem like they were filled with wind. Remus could practically feel it.

It was Remus’ turn to duck as they walked around the exhibits, listening. “James Potter and sneaking anywhere? I don’t know about that.”

Sirius did laugh this time, and he looked almost surprised with it. “I guess you’re right.”

“Besides, he and Lily looked cozy.”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, that’s been almost happening ever since I can remember.”

“Right,” Remus laughed. For a moment it felt like they did know each other. As though they had been going to school together since they were little. As though Sirius hadn’t left school one day and never returned.

“Can I…ask you something?” Remus said hesitantly.

Sirius made a non-committal sound, and Remus figured that was as good as he was going to get.

“When you left school,” Remus began, then hesitated. “Well, I guess I mean, how? Didn’t your parents…or the police, even…”

“My parents don’t want a son like me,” Sirius replied easily. “As far as the law goes…I’ve never been bothered. I assumed they told the Academy I was being homeschooled. When I say someone like me, I guess I mean they don't want anything to ruin their reputation.” Sirius sighed. “Whatever that may be. Otherwise, I don’t know.”

“But you weren’t homeschooled,” Remus said. “You’re in The Hollow?”

Sirius’ smile was a little challenging. “Surfing every morning. Hanging out with my friends every night. I get work where I can, but I don’t need much.”

Remus nodded. “I guess that doesn’t sound too bad. I guess you’re not going to college, then.”

“That stuff isn’t for everyone,” Sirius replied.

“Oh,” Remus began. “No, I wasn’t, like, judging, I was just—”

That was when they heard a thump and a curse. They jolted, looking at each other.

“The archives,” Remus whispered.

“He did say it wasn’t on the floor.”

Remus took off towards the back rooms, Sirius on his heels. He fumbled with his keys for a moment, then shoved the correct one into the lock and pushed the door open.

“Saint,” Sirius panted.

Remus looked from the pried open window, to the boy peaking his head through the glass—Logan, he remembered—and then, finally, to Saint, crouched on the floor and pulling flat drawers open, one after another.

Saint just looked over his shoulder at them, flashlight between his teeth, then back to the file drawer he was rummaging through.

“If you were hoping to catch me, maybe don’t leave your big flashy car out front, Lupin.”

Remus narrowed his eyes. He hadn’t even thought of the car.

“Look, I can’t let you steal something,” Remus said.

Saint scoffed. “Look, if it means that much to you, I’ll put it right back, we just need to look at it.”

Logan dropped in through the window, then, hissing as he cut his forearm on what looked like a stray nail. He looked up, seemingly mindless of the blood dripping near his fingers.

“We’ll just take a picture,” Logan said. “I promise.”

“Who says I’ll let you?” Remus said.

“Because I’m limber like that,” Saint said. “I can get in and out of here, and I can certainly slip through your sailor hands.”

“Yeah, is that something you worry about?” Sirius said, and Saint’s head snapped towards him. The light fell over Sirius’ face. “Being able to make the escape?”

Remus thought the words sounded menacing, at least he thought Saint thought that, but Sirius’ expression was softer. Worried, even.

“Very funny,” Saint finally replied, and his smile had a bite to it around the light. “Ha, ha.”

Saint Clair, Remus realized. Sirius was talking about Saint Clair. He looked at Logan again. Logan was watching Saint almost eagerly.

“What are you even looking for?” Remus asked.

There was a grunt as a third boy piled in—Leo, from The Lion.

“Leo?” Sirius said, looking between the three of them. “Jesus, Saint, what’s going on?”

“We’re looking for something,” Saint’s words were marred by the metal between his teeth. “Merde, aren’t you listening?”

“I told you no,” Remus said.

Saint pulled open another drawer. “And I told me yes.”

Remus and Sirius looked at each other. Remus shook his head, at a loss, and Sirius sighed.

“At least tell us what it is,” Sirius said, and went to crouch beside Saint.

Remus watched as Sirius put a hand on his back, low and firm. It was a familiar and comfortable gesture, and Remus thought Saint maybe pushed into it a little.

Remus tilted his head, looking at the soft splay of Sirius’ fingers.

“A map,” Leo said, and Saint all but hissed at him. “What? We’re not taking anything. I don’t even know why we broke in, really, we should have just asked—”

Saint took the light from his mouth. “I’m nothing if not a showboat.”

“Anything?” Logan asked, peering closer to what Saint was looking at. Saint had two papers in his hands, but he tossed them down roughly—too roughly for Remus’ liking.

Saint ignored Logan with a long sigh, and turned to Remus, bumping one of the flat drawers closed with a hip. “We are in need of a treasure map, Lupin.”

Remus blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t tell me the mad-house you grew up in didn’t have tales of The Voldemort.”

Remus felt his blood spike, heat draping itself around his neck. “Don’t fucking—”

“What Saint means,” Leo stepped forward, eyes apologetic. “I…my dad was looking for it. He was close and…and he’s—Saint and Logan agreed to help me find it. I didn’t know we’d be doing this. They know how much it means to me—”

“If your dad’s close to finding it, why not just use his map?” Remus asked.

Leo glanced up at him, then down at the drawers. “It went down with him and his boat.”

“Oh,” Remus stuttered out. “I…”

Leo just shook his head. “I remember what it looks like. I’ll know it when I see it.”

Saint waved his hand, and Remus noticed Luke’s watch again. “What’s it going to say, Knut, the ancient treasure lies here?”

“It’s not to The Voldemort,” Leo said. “It’s to a trading post, a stop point just off of Hogwarts. In the Cradle. People thought that it might have been a sort of cover operation, that maybe someone found the gold and was using it as a way to smuggle it out unnoticed—”

“So, it’s not even there?” Logan asked.

Leo splayed his hands helplessly. “I don’t know!”

Remus looked at Sirius when he laughed. “You’re kidding.” Sirius knocked Saint’s shoulder. “You’re looking for the fucking Voldemort? Since when?”

“You’re the one who wants to leave this island,” Saint said lowly. “To do that you’ll need money.”

Sirius’ expression changed in the dim light. The moon was high now, and he looked silver and shadowed—and surprised.

“What?” Sirius said faintly. Saint wouldn’t meet his eye. “But you don’t want—”

Logan stepped forward, eyes still on Remus. “Look. We’re not crazy. Leo wants this for his dad, and I—I need to help someone. I told you when we met, didn’t I?”

“You said you were looking for someone,” Remus replied.

Logan nodded quickly.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Saint said and rose, turning to Logan and pointing the light towards his chest like an accusing finger. “Hold every single one of your horses. This is not about Saint Clair, and this is not about Finn. This is about your stupidity and The Carrows.”

“No,” Logan said. “This is about getting Finn out.”

“The Carrows,” Leo repeated, looking at Logan. Logan glanced at him, then rubbed a hand over his face.

“Then help me with Finn,” Logan said, louder this time. “I made a mistake with The Carrows, fine, but are you going to be my next one?”

“No,” Saint all but snarled back.

Logan shoved him, hard, sending Saint crashing back against the files, making them rattle.

“Hey,” Sirius said lowly, and then he had a hand wrapped up in Logan’s shirt, pushing him back.

“Stop,” Remus said, putting his hands out. “Jesus, not here. Maybe you all don’t give a shit, but everything in here is old. It’s precious.” He turned to Leo. “A map, you said a map, just tell me so we can all leave.”

Leo bit his lip, gesturing towards the drawers. “These are labeled?”

Remus nodded and watched them all warily as Leo took the light from Logan and crouched to read the writing on the drawers.

Saint and Logan were still staring at each other. Remus could practically feel some unsaid words between them. Sirius had let Logan go, but Remus didn’t want to keep the three of them in this room together for much longer.

“Here,” Leo said suddenly, and the sound of one of the rattling drawers filled the room. “It’s—oh.”

“What?” Logan asked, shoving around Sirius’ body towards the drawer. Remus followed, glancing back once. Saint and Sirius had their heads close. Sirius had his hand on Saint’s neck, and they were talking softly but quickly to each other.

Remus looked away.

The label read, Cartography. C. 18th. Commerce Port, but in place of anything that the label suggested, was an index card with neat handwriting on it.

On loan: Victor Deveaux

“Deveaux,” Saint said, clucking his tongue. “Deveaux, Deveaux, Deveaux…”

“No,” Remus heard Leo breathe.

“That’s Luke’s dad,” Remus said. He stared at the name. “Oh. That’s…”

“What?” Logan asked. “What do you know?”

Remus shot him a look. He seemed even more on edge than a few moments ago.

“I’d sort of forgotten with everything. Everything that happened to Luke this past year, but,” Remus said. “Luke was always sort of obsessed with the treasure. Only because his dad was, though. When we got older, me and James sort of made fun of him for it, but when we were younger, Mr. Deveaux used to hide little trinkets or candy for us somewhere in the house, and then write out clues for us to work through.” Remus smiled at the memory. It was happy, and it was sad. It seemed like too long ago. “It was fun.”

“So, he has the map,” Logan said. “Can you take us there?”

“Can you relax, speed racer, thanks,” Saint snapped.

“We need the map,” Logan barked back.

“It’s almost three in the morning,” Remus said.

“All the better,” Saint replied and closed the window they had come through before opening the museum door.

“Can’t this wait until morning?”

“Luke won’t just hand it over,” Sirius offered.

Remus turned to him. “What do you care?”

“Saint cares.”

Remus blinked. Sirius was all walled up again, eyes silver.

“Lead the way, Sailor,” Saint said.

~

Luke’s house was large and pristine, but it looked abandoned somehow. Saint stared up at the white walls, the stone chimney that he couldn’t imagine ever got used. He wondered if it was as grand as the Potters’ house inside. It certainly looked that way, manicured and vast. But it lacked the warmth. It seemed to shift in the night wind.

“We can’t just knock,” Remus broke the silence.

“We should wait,” Leo said somewhat nervously.

“I’ve got this,” Saint replied, chin tilted up towards the large house’s windows. “Which one’s his?”

Remus laughed. “You’re not serious.”

“No, that’d be him,” Saint said, clapping Sirius on the back—who rolled his eyes. “Now, tell me.”

“What are you going to do, climb up the drain pipe?”

Saint shucked his flip flops into the grass. “Yes, sir.”

“You could fall,” Sirius warned.

Saint looked at the windows, set deep into the house’s frame. The rough painted sides and stray vine climbing the surface. He looked at the tilted roof. “I won’t. Now which room is his?”

Remus, behind Saint, was quiet for a long time. Saint kept his eyes forward, squeezing his hands into fists, and then letting them out again. His heart beat hard in his chest, as if remembering a memory his mind wouldn’t.

“He keeps a light on,” Remus finally sighed, and pointed. “That window there.”

The metal and stone were cold beneath Saint’s feet. The pipe was sturdy, but every time it creaked he could hear the others whisper from below. The higher Saint climbed, the more the wind picked up. He closed his eyes letting it push his hair off of his forehead. The summer night was humid, and the moon was high.

“Saint?” he heard Sirius whisper from below.

Saint didn’t respond, just kept climbing. That was how climbing worked. Maybe, if you were lucky, you could rest, but the real part was pushing through the aches and the fear.

What do you hate so much that you’re helping us? Logan had asked him in the car on their way to the museum, and Saint had said something silly, as he always did. He’d smiled. Logan hadn’t laughed, but anyone else would have.

Saint thought of Sirius’ hand, low on his back in the archives rooms.

But you don’t want to go, Sirius had been about to say when Saint told him why they needed the gold. But you don’t want to leave.

If they had been alone, Saint might have actually told him the truth.

But you do, he would have said. If there was anything that wouldn’t be wasteful, it was getting Sirius Black off of this island and away from his own, terrified self. Saint might be a waste, but Sirius wasn’t.

Saint reached the roof and crouched, breathing hard. He could see the light from Luke’s room below him, the slates of the slight, pointed arch above the window frame. It was a short drop. He made it soundlessly, glancing down at the dark shape of the others as he swung himself onto the wooden sill. He could see the source of the light now.

It was a small bulb, plugged in low on the wall by the bed. Simple and cheap, with some sort of picture lit up. A sea shell, Saint thought. It didn’t illuminate much, but Saint could see Luke’s face. He was turned towards the window, on his stomach with an arm beginning to fall over the side of the mattress. He was bare to his waist, where the sheets pooled along his lower back.

Saint pushed at the top of the window until it cracked enough for him to curl his fingers beneath the frame. Luke didn’t stir, not even when Saint let the humid night air meet the AC, and set his bare feet softly on the hardwood floor.

Saint still didn’t know if Luke was a snoop, but he certainly knew that he was.

The floor was stacked with books. They were shoved over to the sides of the walls, near the desk beside a tangle of laptop chords and phone chargers. The bedside table was littered with old water glasses and coffee mugs, clothes occupied more of the floor than the open closet. There were small, empty plastic bags littered throughout the room. Saint picked up one, looking at the few grains of remnants.

He let it flutter back to the floor.

Everyone needed to control something, or at least think they did. Saint, for one too many times since Logan arrived, let himself think about Saint Clair. They’d taken clarity from him. He didn’t know how The Voldemort would get him that back—maybe nothing would. It would certainly take Sirius away, the only constant.

But everyone needed to control something. Or at least think they did. If Saint was going to be alone, he wouldn’t let it sneak up on him. Not again.

Saint was as good at tricking himself as he was at tricking others. And he liked gold. Part of him liked Luke, too. Stubborn. Mean. Beautiful. That would never change.

Saint looked down at Luke’s sleeping form. He looked younger in his sleep. He was dreaming. Saint could tell, there was a flicker beneath his eyelids. The bruise on his cheek was slowly fading, but a faint purple still graced his cheek.

“Tricky bastard,” Saint said aloud, and Luke stirred, cracking an eye open.

There it was. The sleepy look of Crucio, the haze. The lack of will, or maybe the abundance of it.

“You,” Luke mumbled. “You’re…”

His eyes flickered over Saint’s shoulder. Saint wondered who he was seeing. Saint crouched beside him and stroked a hand through his hair. Luke leaned into it. A loved one, then.

Luke blinked at him, and his expression shifted. He scrambled backwards, cursing.

“Saint,” Luke said, blinking. Saint laughed. He sort of liked that Luke couldn’t tell if he was really there or not.

“Hello, tweedle,” Saint said, and held up Luke’s father’s watch. “I need something from you.”

[amazingmaeve]

Cardigan ↠ Sirius Black

━ “i’ve missed you darling.”

summary ━ sirius and y/n were in love at hogwarts. then he cheated on her with her best friend marlene. a couple years later the two run into each other again.

warnings ━ angst, fluff, swearing, kissing

a/n ━ somewhat based on cardigan by taylor Swift, also no voldy au so lily and james are alive. Also one huge time jump.

word count ━ 3.6k

“Sirius stop,” Y/N giggles as she thrashes on the bed. Currently Sirius was ticking her as moments before they were studying. She was supposed to be helping him in one of his classes but he got distracted.

Sirius looked down at his girlfriend with a smile appearing on his face. He truly did love Y/N with all of his heart. He began to press kisses all over her face, stopping his tickling.

“You know I hate that,” Y/N says with a smile referring to the tickling. He knew all the spots that would make her break out in a laugh.

Y/N sometimes wondered how she got together with Sirius. Before they met he usually slept around a lot while she wanted to save her virginity for someone important.

They had gotten paired for a charms assignment. Y/N would never admit it she was quite nervous about being with Sirius. She’s had a crush on him since their first year but he never really noticed her as Y/N didn’t like to be noticed. She usually kept to herself.

Except for her best friend Marlene. She helped Y/N and was always nice to her. She gave her the best advice that a friend could even ask for.

When the two started talking they realized that they had much more in common than Y/N thought. She thought Sirius Black was a narcissist fuck boy.

Y/N found out that he was witty, charming, and surprisingly nice to her.

Sirius always thought that Y/N was just some stuck up girl that thought she was too good for anyone. She came from a pureblood family so when she never talked to anyone he thought she was a pureblood supremacist. He found out that Y/N was smart, shy and didn’t like to have friends.

Sirius and Y/N started to enjoy the time they spent together. But the assignment would make them stop having interaction with each other.

Even after the homework they had done Sirius and Y/N decided to hang out more and soon more feelings developed. Y/N, who already had an attraction towards him, started to emotionally connect to him. Sirius, who thought Y/N was already hot, started to sympathize with her and her family problems since he had the same.

Soon Y/N met Remus, James, Peter, and Lily and soon started to connect with one another.

Sirius asked her out after James and Remus encouraged him to do so when the two figured out that his friend had feelings for the girl.

Y/N was on cloud nine when Sirius asked her out for the first time. At first she thought he was just planking her but soon realized he was very serious. With butterflies in her stomach she said yes to his question while a smile graced her lips.

Their first date was at Hogsmeade and it was magical to Y/N. Sirius kept making flirty comments all night making her feel more and more nervous.

The two talked and got to know each other more and at the end of the night Sirius kissed her before parting to their own rooms.

That night Y/N laid down with a dopey smile on her face. She felt the butterflies erupting in her stomach but she didn’t care. She felt like she was falling in love every second.

“I love you darling,” Sirius says softly as he lays on top of Y/N. She can feel the heat rise to her chest and cheeks.

“I love you more,” Y/N laughs her arms coming up to wrap around his neck. She gives him a cheeky smile playing with his hair on the back of his neck.

“Not possible,” Sirius says in disbelief. She was the light to his darkness in his life and he would never trade that.

“Uh how do you know,” Y/N asks as she sits up pulling him to a seating position. Her eyebrows furrowed in stubbornness.

“I just do,” Sirius says cockily and pulls her into a kiss straight after.

After the kiss she lays her head on his chest. Sirius pulls her hand to his intertwining their fingers.

They just lay there with Y/N on Sirius’s chest in a comfortable silence. His heartbeat calmed her down as she fell asleep on the boy's chest. Once realizing she’s asleep, Sirius kisses her forehead before attempting to leave her bed.

Only he couldn’t. Y/N had such a grip on him which made him stay. Sirius wrapped his arms around her and eventually fell asleep himself.

A few weeks later Y/N was alone in her bed wrapped in the blankets since it was especially cold. She let out a sigh as she rested her head on the pillow.

The night before the Gryffindors had thrown a party where everyone was drinking from the victory of the quidditch match. It wasn’t that much fun to Y/N.

Her and Sirius were supposed to have a date that night and she understood going to the party. But she’d expect him to at least talk to her that night.

Sirius spent most of the night talking and laughing to his friends. Y/N also saw him flirting with her best friend Marlene and she yelled at them before storming to her bed room.

She laid down and cried herself to sleep.

Now as she lays on her bed she might have blown things out of proportion. Maybe they were just talking and Y/N was just extremely jealous. Making something out of nothing she thought to herself.

She got up and got ready for her classes. It was early but Y/N wanted to go and see Sirius and apologize to him before classes began. She didn’t want her relationship with Sirius to be over because of one little spat.

Y/N treads across the floor to the boys room hoping that the other marauders were awake and somewhere else. Luckily she saw them walk to the main hall avoiding eye contact. That made her confused but she shook it off.

She sighed as she touched the door handle. She didn’t know what to say to him. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be a jealous girlfriend’ would that work? Hopefully she thought.

Y/N turned the door knob with a smile to greet Sirius with. The smile quickly faded as she noticed someone else in the bed with him.

“Sirius,” Y/N snapped loudly as the boy was still sleeping. He groaned cuddling into the girl even more making Y/N more and more angry. Once she got a look at the girl Y/N scoffed as she saw Marlene.

“Go away prongs I’m tired,” Sirius groaned thinking it was James.

Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Sirius,” Y/N yelled louder, her voice full of anger seeing the boy she was in love with and one of her best friends in bed. She had mixed emotions, sadness and anger were the main ones.

Y/N could see Sirius' eyes widen in shock as he realizes he’s not cuddling with the girl he’s in love with. And the girl who has his heart is standing at the foot of the bed with anger written on her face.

Marlene and Sirius move apart noticing the girl.

“Love this isn’t-,” Sirius began to defend himself and got his boxers on but was soon interrupted. Meanwhile Marlene got her clothes on and left knowing the two need to talk.

“Stop,” Y/N snaps. Her voice is harsh which makes Sirius flinch at the tone. “I just want to know one thing,” She asks, her voice dripping in sadness.

Sirius’s eyes stay on his lap not wanting to meet her gaze. He most importantly didn’t want to see the tears that were gonna form.

“Did you ever even love me,” She asks, feeling drained. That question makes Sirius’s head snap up and pull himself to his feet.

“Of course I do love, I do still love you,” Sirius admits, walking over to put his hands on her cheek. She moves her face away from his hands which makes his face sadden even more.

“I can’t believe that I was gonna apologize for being a jealous girlfriend. Turns out my instincts were right,” Y/N bites her lip to keep her tears in. She doesn’t want to cry in front of him.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Sirius tries to reassure getting his school clothes on.

“We’re done,” Y/N snaps as she walks out of the room slamming the door making Sirius flinch again.

Sirius sighs and sits on his bed putting his hand in his face as tears gather. He didn’t mean for it to happen. It was just one drunken mistake.

When Y/N yelled at him he thought a good idea was to sleep with Marlene. That was his drunken reasoning. He can’t believe he did this. He hurt the person he most cares about and he can’t even do anything about it.

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair out of frustration. He ruined everything.

The rest of the day went by slow since Y/N had all of her classes with Sirius. It was hard seeing him and not talking to him. Marlene tried apologizing multiple times but Y/N shut it down not wanting to hear anymore excuses.

After a long day of school and avoiding people she realized that it was close to the end of her last year which was good. But the thought of not seeing Sirius still made her sad but quickly shut those thoughts.

She couldn’t keep thinking of Sirius. It hurt to think but Y/N was still in love with him which made some tears start to fall.

Luckily she was in the common room and most people were at Hogsmeade celebrating the end of the year. Y/N was happy since she took her N.E.W.T.s, which was hard since she took 8 of them, but she got significantly good grades. Even the good news of that didn’t make her feel any better.

She sat on the sofa putting her head in her hands letting the tears finally fall. She hated Sirius so much but Y/N couldn’t just stop loving him. He was in her life for a year and she can’t just erase that as much as she’d like to.

As Y/N quietly sobs into her hands Remus enters the room wanting to turn in for the night. But he stopped in his tracks as he saw her crying.

Remus knew the reason Y/N was crying. He cursed his best friend for breaking her heart and doing this to her.

He sighed and walked around to the couch to sit next to her. Remus opened his arms out for her. She accepts and lunges into his open arms crying into his chest.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Remus reassures using his fingers to put some of her hair behind her ear. She continues to cry through the heartbreak, her arms right around his waist.

“It hurts so much,” Y/N sniffles leaning up from his chest. Her eyes puffy and wet from the sobbing. “I thought he loved me.”

“He does, I know it,” Remus reassures her sternly. He knows Sirius screwed everything but Remus also knows that Sirius loves her and it was a mistake.

“He cheated on me. He broke my heart, my trust. How can you defend him,” Y/N looks at him in disbelief. When her and Sirius got together, he knew that she was a virgin and wanted to wait for someone who was special. And Y/N thought Sirius was that guy and she was going to let him.

Luckily she didn’t.

“He’s my best friend of course I’m going to defend him, but I’m not going to let him get a free ride for screwing up,” Remus explains softly and Y/N gets up as she scoffs.

“I can’t forgive him I just can’t,” Y/N whispers before walking away from Remus leaving him to think all alone.

Soon the ending of the year came and just like that four years passed.

For the last four years Y/N got a job as curse breaker and enjoyed the job. Other than that she didn’t do much, she didn’t have any friends except from work. She never got a boyfriend not trusting any guy that could potentially break her heart.

For a little while she kept in touch with James, Lily, and Remus. But soon enough they stopped calling so Y/N focused on her work.

Oftentimes she wondered what Sirius was doing, she also wondered what it would be like if he didn’t cheat on her. Would things be different? Would they be together? This is what Y/N usually thought about at night.

She shook those thoughts out thinking Sirius probably found a girlfriend and moved on. Y/N always thought she could move on but the wound Sirius left was big and no one could heal it so far.

So Y/N gave up on love at the moment.

After a long day at work she enters her flat. She stretches her arms and yawns, it was a hard day at work and very tiring. She sits on her bed and notices a note on the table besides her bed.

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. She reached her arm out to grab it and opened it. As Y/N read the letter she sighed as the words flowed in her mind.

A fucking reunion.

A reunion for all the people at Hogwarts and it was at Lily and James potters house. Y/N sat there for a few minutes contemplating on what to do. This could let her reunite with her teachers who were always proud of her. But on the other hand Sirius was probably going to be there and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that.

She puts the letter down and runs her fingers through her fingers getting some of the tiny knots out. Fuck it she thinks. She’ll go. It’s a risk but hopefully it’ll be fun.

A few weeks later Y/N stands in front of James and Lily’s house straightening her dress out. The last weeks were stressful but luckily work kept her busy most of the time. At night she thinks, what will I do if I see Sirius. Run the opposite direction suggests to herself but rolls her eyes thinking she’s crazy for talking to herself.

She tried making herself look presentable and hopefully succeeded. She sighed as she raised her hand to knock on the door. It took a few minutes before someone answered and that someone was the one and only Sirius Black.

His smile soon faded as he saw who was at the door. In her head this was the worst luck that could have ever happened to her.

“Can I come in,” Y/N asks as politely as she can. Sirius nods opening the door wider to let the girl inside. As soon as she’s in she gets as far away from him as possible.

“Y/N you made it,” Lily says surprised as Y/N runs into her.

“Yep thought I might show up,” Y/N says awkwardly rocking on her heels. She shouldn’t have come think to herself. “Well I’ve got to use the toilet,” She says before running off to the bathroom.

She locks the door with a sigh. Y/N looks at herself in the mirror. She’s already ran into two people she didn’t want to see. This night couldn’t get any worse.

She takes a seat on the toilet rubbing her fingers through her hair feeling stressed out. God it’s going to be a long night. Before she leaves the bathroom she redos her makeup so it looks better after messing it up.

Once she opens the door she paints a smile on her face to pretend she wasn’t having a freak out moment.

For the rest of the night she avoids the marauders by talking to some teachers who wanted to know what she was doing now. And Y/N thought that was it nothing interesting was going to happen that night.

How wrong was she.

Y/N thought she should apologize to Lily for being so flighty so she looks through the rooms to see if the redhead is anywhere. What she finds is worse.

She opens a door to this room and sees Sirius making out with Marlene.

“Oh god I’m so sorry,” Y/N gasps running out of the room. Of course they got together. They would be a much better couple than they ever did.

Y/N knows she shouldn’t be upset. Her and Sirius were broken up; she can’t feel like this. Hopefully they’ll work out better than her and Sirius ever did.

After that Y/N couldn’t be there anymore. She didn’t want to talk to Sirius and it to be awkward so she left and apparated to her flat, she got her heels off. They were killing her feet all night and she sighs in relief as they come off.

She gets her sweat pants and t-shirt on and gets settled into bed processing everything that went on that night. Sirius and Marlene come to mind. Instead of being spiteful she hopes they have a good life and that she can finally move on from Sirius and be happy herself.

In the next week Lily calls surprising Y/N. She didn’t think Lily would like to talk to her after her and Sirius were over.

They scheduled a lunch at her house to talk and catch up since they couldn’t at the party. Y/N couldn’t say no, Lily was being so nice to her and she didn’t want to be a bitch.

“I can’t believe you have a kid,” Y/N happily laughs as she sees Lily with her son Harry. He was only a few months old.

“I can’t either, life goes on so fast,” Lily smiles, kissing the top of Harry’s head as he sits in her lap. “Now that you know what I’ve been up to, what have you been doing these past four years,” She asks curiosity gleaming in her eyes.

“Well I became a curse breaker,” Y/N fiddles with her fingers in her lap.

“Anyone special in your life,” Lily asks, taking a sip of her tea. Y/N sighs not wanting to say what a colossal failure her love life has been.

“Nothing much haven’t caught a guy's heart,” Y/N half jokes with a laugh. “But I just want to focus on my job,” She says in a more serious tone, looking Lily in her green orbs.

“Sirius asks about you,” Lily brings up the boy.

“I don’t understand why I saw him making out with Marlene at the party,” Y/N asks confused, why would Sirius ask about her when he’s dating someone else.

“They aren’t dating, it's just a friends with benefits thing,” Lily corrects. After Sirius broke Y/N’s heart she was mad at him for some time but soon realized that he knew what mistake he made. Lily knows he still loves Y/N, he just made a mistake.

Before Y/N could say anything, the door to the house opened as booming laughter came through the halls.

“Lily sweetheart-,” James calls out, entering the room and stops talking after seeing Y/N sitting there. Sirius and Remus follow soon after and Sirius can feel his heart stop as he sees Y/N sitting there.

An awkward silence flows across the room as Y/N keeps her eyes on the ground not wanting to meet Sirius’s eyes.

“We’ll give you some space,” Lily says comfortingly, taking baby Harry with her. When Remus or James don’t follow Lily comes back and hits them on the back of their heads. “Now,” Lily says sternly.

“I thought you loved me,” James says sarcastically following his love with Remus following him chuckling at his friend.

As soon as the three leaves Sirius makes his way towards the couch sitting next to Y/N whose eyes are still watching the ground. Sirius put his hand on hers the one on the couch.

“What do you want Sirius,” Y/N asks, tears gathering in her eyes. Sirius gives her hand a squeeze making her look up. He removes his hand from hers to put it on her cheek wiping the one tear that fell away.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius apologizes.

“Sirius it’s been years you don’t need to apologize all over again,” Y/N scoffs.

“Please just let me get this out and then you don’t have to see me ever again okay,” Sirius asks softly and Y/N hesitantly nods. “For the past years I regret not trying harder to get you back. And I know that you probably wouldn’t have taken me back but I should've tried. You were the love of my life, still the love of my life. I shouldn’t have let you down like this,” Sirius goes on and Y/N feels the same butterflies in her stomach from the first day she spoke to him.

“What about Marlene,” Y/N asks, remembering the party. Lily explained it to her; she just wanted to make sure she wasn’t covering for Sirius.

“Just a fling,” Sirius nervously chuckles. “You think we can try again,” He asks nervousness crawling in his stomach.

“Yes,” Y/N says a few seconds after he spoke. His eyes light up but Y/N puts her finger up. “But we take it slowly, we shouldn’t rush into this,” She explains. Sirius nods agreeing with her.

Sirius brings her into a hug. Y/N didn’t hug back at first but finally sank into his arms, resting her head on his chest. She can feel his heartbeat which calms the butterflies in her stomach.

“I’ve missed you darling.”

[siriuslyloonylove]

One Rule, and One Rule Only by siriuslyloonylove

Sirius Black has one rule, and one rule only, about his feelings: “never, ever bother someone with your feelings if they’re busy”. And he’s always stuck to this rule, for example when James has a quidditch match the next day, he won’t wake the boy up if he has a nightmare, or if Peter’s eating, he doesn’t talk about how his parents starved him over the summer.

But the most important person he doesn’t want to bother is Remus, the boy whose problems seem worse than Sirius’, even though Remus repeatedly tells Sirius that it’s okay. The raven haired boy doesn’t want to bother him because what if he thinks badly of me for complaining about my stupid family while he never complains about turning into a werewolf every month?

Sirius knows he’s being illogical with that last bit, but when are feelings ever logical? He logically knows that Remus would do everything in his power to help him, even on the days before and after the full. He logically knows that being in a relationship means having someone to lean on when you can’t stand by yourself. He logically knows that Remus is the only one, besides James, who can help him when he’s feeling down about his family.

But he irrationally thinks that no one loves him, even after Remus spends an hour every night before bed kissing each and every one of Sirius’ scars, telling the boy a different thing he loves about him for every scar on his body, and has yet to repeat the same reason twice even after a year of doing it. He irrationally thinks that he’s only James’ friend because of coincidence, even after he took Sirius in as his own brother when he ran away from home and held him when he woke up in sweats from a particularly bad nightmare. He irrationally thinks that Peter is only his friend because James is, even after Peter smuggles freshly made blueberry muffins from the kitchens when Sirius is having a bad day.

He logically knows that he thinks irrationally, which leads to him bottling up his feelings until one day they explode and there’s nothing anyone can do to calm him down other than getting Remus, because everyone knows the only person he’ll listen to in this state is the boy with scarred skin and curly blond hair.

The explosion happens on a late fall evening of seventh year in the Gryfinndor common room after an eventful meeting with Headmaster Dumbledore.

“Headmaster, you wanted to see me?” Sirius announces himself to the room after walking up the spiral steps that lead to the Headmasters office. He can hear his great-great grandfather muttering curses about Sirius from where his portrait hung on the wall, but chose to ignore the hateful man.

“Oh yes, thank you Mr Black for meeting me on such short notice, please sit” Dumbledore said, gesturing towards the chair sitting across from his desk. Sirius nodded politely and sat down, looking around the room to take in his surroundings as this is the first time he’s been in here without knowing he was in trouble - I haven’t done any pranks this month, so am I in trouble?

As if reading the boy’s mind, Dumbledore laughs and says “Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble, I just wanted to have a chat with you about a pressing issue.”

Sirius sighed in relief, shoulders untensing for a short moment until he remembered what the man had said. “What issue? Has Regulus done something? I swear I don’t even talk to him anymore, well he doesn’t talk to me.” He said, nervously playing with the rings on his hands.

“No, no this isn’t about your brother, well it is but it is more about your family in general - I received some unsettling information this morning about the whereabouts of your parents and wanted to gauge your reaction.” The old man vaguely said, leaving the boy confused.

“Okay?” Sirius started, “Have they done something bad-well something worse than usual?” He corrected himself mid sentence.

The old man chuckled at his response, shaking his head in surprise, “I see you already have a gauge for their actions,” he smiled sadly, “But yes, they have done something that they don’t see is wrong.” Dumbledore said vaguely, again.

“Okay? So why am I here, I mean I’m in no contact with my family other than the occasional howler sent to me when Walburga is drunk.” Sirius says as a matter of a fact, not understanding why he has to be here when he could be spending his time with his friends, sadly not with Remus because he has an essay to write in the library with Lily.

“Yes, Mr Black I am well aware of those howlers - we really need to block those coming in, that’s on me - but I am also aware of the fact that you don’t speak with them.” Dumbledore agrees, making Sirius even more confused, “Can you tell me your feelings on that?”

This catches Sirius by surprise, no one has even dared to ask that question in fear that they might get hexed, and he can’t very well go on hexing the Headmaster, so he shakily answers, “Well Sir, it’s not really something that I know how to describe - I wasn’t surprised when they disinherited me, I saw it coming from the moment I got sorted into Gryffindor, but I was surprised when they disowned me, not the family itself but Reg, because that’s when I knew that he had picked a side and it wasn’t mine.”

Dumbledore nods solemnly, “Yes, and who’s side are you on?”, which was the wrong thing to say.

“Are you asking me this because I’m a Black? Are you asking me who’s side I’ll pick in the end because I have incestual blood running through my veins, or is it because dark magic was taught to me before I could speak? Maybe it’s because you think I’ll choose my brother over my real brothers - which you must know that family doesn’t mean blood, love does. And if you think that I’ll pick Voldemort's side, then you’re not who I thought you were, because I’d rather die than let my friends die.” Sirius says defensively, not caring that he’s mouthing off the Headmaster, who doesn’t even have the audacity to look surprised.

Before Dumbledore can even open his mouth, Phineas shouts, eerily calm, from his place on the wall “How dare you speak to your Headmaster that way you filthy little blood traitor, I cannot believe you come from the Noble House of Black-”

“-Silence” Dumbledore booms from where he’s sitting at his desk before Phineas could spit more curses at him. If he wasn’t so angry, Sirius would’ve poked his tongue out at him just to piss off his great-great grandfather even more.

“Now Sirius, I know you’re upset, and you have every right to be, but that doesn’t give you permission to talk to me like that because all I’ve done is help you.” Sirius fights the urge to roll his eyes because he knows damn well that Dumbledore only does things that will eventually benefit himself, he’s heard the exact words come from his parents. “However, I am glad to know that you feel this strongly about the war.” Dumbledore says, smiling.

“Of course I feel this strongly about the war, I’m right in the middle of it and I learned a long time ago that I can’t push myself to the sidelines because someone will get hurt.” Sirius shivers, remembering The Prank.

“Yes, and I should’ve thought of that before having you come here, well now that I know how you’re feeling, you are free to go.” Dumbledore says, making Sirius sigh in relief.

But just as he’s about to get up, he remembers what started this conversation, “What did my parents do?” he asks, looking Dumbledore strongly in the eye.

“Nothing for you to be concerned about.” Dumbledore lies through his teeth, and if Sirius would’ve been more clear headed, he would’ve pressed on but instead he nods and gets up, walking towards the staircase.

“Oh and Sirius,” Dumbledore says as Sirius is about to walk down, “I’d be more careful about who you choose to shout at, you never know if you choose the wrong person in the end” He finishes vaguely. Sirius furrows his brows but chooses not to question it, just nodding and walking down the stairs.

When Sirius gets back to the common room, he immediately goes and sits down on the comfiest chair available, not even noticing his friends trying to get his attention. The only thing on his mind is wishing that Remus was here, but Sirius knows that he won’t get to see his boyfriend until after Remus was done with his prefect rounds after the library.

“Padfoot”

“Pads”

“Paddie”

“Siri”

“S”

“Sirius”

“Black!”

“Sirius Orion Black-Potter!” James says, exasperatedly, finally catching Sirius’ attention with his name changing.

“Huh- did you just call me Sirius Orion Black-Potter-Lupin?! Me and Remus aren’t married, and why did you add Potter?” Sirius says, looking confused.

“Yes! You weren’t listening so I had to get your attention!” James says frantically, moving his hands around in exasperation. “And one, you are a Potter, two you and Moony will probably get married before me and Evans will.” James says seriously.

“I second that last one!” Marlene shouts from across the common room, stopping snogging Dorcas for a second before going back to it. Get it Marlene!

“See!” James shouts happily, excited that someone agreed with him for once, before realizing Sirius’ solemn expression. “Wait what happened? Did you just get back from Dumbledicks?” James asks, reaching up to fix his glasses on his nose.

“Yeah.” Sirius responds, “But it’s fine, I promise, we’re not in trouble” he adds shakily, quickly standing up from his seat, “I’m going to go upstairs and lay down, I’m kinda tired” Sirius ends, walking towards the stairs before anyone can say anything, especially since it’s a Friday.

He hears Peter asking James what’s wrong, but doesn’t stay long enough to hear the laters response. Sirius quickly enters the dorm room and closes the door before taking off his shoes and getting in Remus’ bed and under the covers, taking comfort in the smell of soft vanilla and chocolate.

The tears don’t come immediately, but Sirius also doesn’t realize when he starts crying so he doesn’t really know how long he’s been crying by the time he does realize it. All he knows is that he’s clutching Remus’ pillow in his arms and crying into it because I’m so overwhelmed.

Why would Dumbledore even ask me that? Doesn’t he know how much it hurts to hate someone you love? Doesn’t he know-

Sirius’ thoughts are interrupted by someone opening the dorm room door, making him settle deeper into the bed wishing that whoever it is thinks that he’s asleep. His wish goes unheard when the person sits on the bed next to him. He slowly opens his eyes to see James sitting next to him with a sad smile and Peter standing behind him with a warm muffin in his hands.

“Hey Pads, we brought you a muffin” Peter smiles sheepishly, blushing pink.

“Yeah, and we brought you a cup of your favorite tea, we had to bribe the elves with helping do the dishes for the next week.” James and Peter smile proudly, which makes Sirius start to cry even more. “Oh no, Pads don’t cry! We don’t mind it, it’s worth it to see you feel better! Well I hope you feel better…” James says, looking scared.

“No, I- thank you, I know, I just had a really hard meeting with Dumbledore and I just feel overwhelmed” Sirius hiccuped through his crying, quickly wiping away his tears. “I promise I’m fine, I just needed a moment, but siriusly thank you guys” He tries to smile at his joke, though it comes out more like a grimace.

James smiles at him softly, reaching out to gently pat Sirius’ arm and move the comforter higher up. If Sirius were clear headed, he would push James away because he’s such a mother hen, but right now it comforts him.

“Okay Pads, do you need anything else? I can take over Remus’ shift if you need him” James offers, which makes Sirius start shaking his head muttering ‘no’ over and over again, he sits up and starts quickly mumbling about how Remus is busy and he doesn’t want to bother him, James can barely make it out.

“Okay Sirius, okay, settle down, I won’t get Remus” James promises, wrapping his arms around Sirius gently trying to get him to lay back down, noticing that the tears are falling faster down his face. James looks at Peter with a look that says “go get Moony” who responds with a quick nod and sets the muffin on the bedside table before quietly leaving the room.

“Please, you can’t get him Prongs, he’s so stressed with his essay and his rounds, I don’t want to bother him, please” Sirius cries out, grabbing onto James’ wrists and looking him in the eye. “I can’t let him know how sad I am, please”, his voice breaking off.

“Okay, calm down love, I won’t get him” James says, heart breaking at the sight of his best friend crying. Sirius nods frantically, letting go of James’ wrists to latch onto the pillow again.

Remus can’t see me like this, he just can’t. Would he think that I’m weak? I mean he breaks and rebuilds his bones every month and he doesn’t complain about it, this isn’t nearly as bad as being a werewolf - family issues happen to everyone, they have to, right? What if he breaks up with me because I’m selfish and crying over something that isn’t that bad?

James can sense that Sirius is overthinking everything, so he lays down next to him and wraps his arms around the shaking boy. Fifteen minutes pass of Sirius crying in James’ arms, the later hiccups every once and a while but relatively stays silent, sobbing quietly.

The door finally opens and he gently lets go of Sirius and stands up to give Remus room to climb into the bed, James nods at him, smiling sadly. Remus just looks at him with sad eyes and gets into the bed, wrapping his arms around a panicking Sirius.

“James, you promised!” Sirius exclaims, starting to shake even more, trying to push Remus away out of fear of rejection.

“I did promise, but I said nothing about Wormtail!” James said sheepishly before running out of the room and shutting it behind him and a flushed Peter.

“Fucking dickhead” Remus hears Sirius mutter, making him chuckle sadly.

“Hi, mon étoile” Remus softly says, making Sirius blush even through the tears. Sirius lets go of the pillow and cuddles closer to Remus, laying his head on his boyfriend's chest, even though the irrational part of his brain is screaming at him for it.

“Hi, mon loup” Sirius says, blushing even more at their terms of endearment before crying a bit more.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” The curly haired boy gently says, running his fingers softly through Sirius’ hair, making him cuddle more into his chest.

“Not necessarily” Sirius whispers. He would never admit it, but having Remus there makes him feel a lot better even though his mind is racing with irrational uncertainties.

“Can I tell you what I think is going on, and you can tell me whether I’m right or wrong?” Remus says, pressing a soft kiss to the top of Sirius’ head.

Sirius takes a moment to think about it, what if he’s mad at me? Or what if he pities me? But what if he loves me anyways? Sirius’ curiosity takes the best of him and slowly nods his head.

“I think that Dumbledore said something upsetting, or inferred something, about your family and you’re overwhelmed and think that I will think badly of you for having feelings, which by the way is bullshit because your family sucks and I love you no matter what.” Remus says, surprising Sirius, because that’s exactly what he’s thinking.

“What the fuck Moony? Are you reading my diary or some shit?” Sirius says while smiling, wonder and tears filling his eyes while he looks up at Remus to see his face.

“Sirius, I know you, I’ve known you for seven years and have loved you for every single one” Remus says, making the boy in his arms blush, “I know you think no one truly loves you, but I’m here to prove you wrong, for almost the billionth time by the way, because I love you and you’re allowed to have feelings. I know you’re scared that I’ll think you're weak, but you’re not. You’re the strongest person I know, stronger than me, and not to compare trauma, but hateful parents is a lot worse than my furry little problem.”

“But Remus-”

“No, you can’t change my mind about this, you are so unbelievably strong and I’m so proud of you. I don’t know what happened in the meeting, but I do know that it hurt you a lot. Fucking Dumbledore, he better stay away from the shack this next full or the wolf’ll tear him to shreds and I wouldn’t even care.” Remus interrupted him.

“Moony!” Sirius exclaimed, laughing while still crying.

“I’m serious!”

“No, you’re Remus, I’m Sirius.” Sirius said proudly, the tears stopping in favor of being proud of his joke that got old years ago.

“Fuck I walked straight into that” Remus laughed.

“You’re gay.” Sirius said feigning seriousness.

“Sirius! Stop!” Remus said, now crying from laughing so hard. “I’m trying to be- well you know what I’m trying to be, but really, I love you and nothing can get in the way of that, not your family, Dumbledore, not even Azkaban.” Years later they both would look back at this, one hoping it’s true and the other hoping the other knows it’s true, but for now they laugh with tears in their eyes.

“I love you, mon étoile.” Remus says, reaching up to wipe the tears from Sirius’ face and resting them on his cheeks.

“I love you too, mon loup, so much, thank you” Sirius says, wiping Remus’ tears away and leaning up to press a soft kiss on his lips, the love overpowering the sad feelings.

⭐︎

⭐︎

⭐︎

second post for the night! i'm not really sure i like this one, it didn't turn out how i wanted it to and didn't even come close to what my original prompt/idea so yeah that sucks but it's alright. plus i think it was very fast paced and weird but oh well, please tell me what you think though! some people seemed to like it on ao3 (i still don't know how to link it in this post) so i decided to post it on here too :) i think i'm going to rewrite this sometime because it's not my favorite and i think i can improve!!

edit: bahahaha i accidentally named this the wrong name, it's supposed to be "only rule, and one rule only" lmao not "explosive feelings", i mean it was the original title but it didn't really fit so yeah sorry lmao

[sweeethinny]

Hi, Sweet! Ooh, thank you so much for sending me a prompt, I'm working on it! If you could please write "Just close your eyes. I will still be here when you open them again" for any ship, my only request is that it's in some kind of AU. I love your AUs!

Sorry for the delay Mah, hope you like this Jily Muggle AU <3

Ps: for those who don't know, Valentine's Day is celebrated on the 12th of June in Brazil, and in June we have what we call the 'June Party', where it's time to exalt Brazilian folklore, and - for those who are Catholics - is the month of June Saints, the saints who baptized Jesus.

This month, there are parties where people go dressed as hillbillies, there is a lot of food, depending on the party, drinks, a lot of dancing, and it is for many the best time of year.

Couples tend to go matching, always wearing plaid clothes, with lace, ruffles and patches, and usually women braid their hair, paint their cheeks pink and men - for those who don't - paint a fake beard on their faces. They also wear a straw hat, and everything is very colorful.

A typical outfit for you, you understand more or less how it is <3 - HERE and HERE

I hope you all like it, I always like to insert a little of my culture in the fanfics <3

read bellow the cut <3

"Just close your eyes. I will still be here when you open them again" He said, kneeling in front of her.

"Unfortunately," she said, but there was a smile on her face, a smile that James thought was adorable, and it matched her sun-rosy cheeks and the flaming strands of hair that fell over her face.

“I'll pretend to believe you.” He smiled, grimacing when she threw up again, what now felt like just water. "I'll never let you drink again."

"I never want to drink again," Lily laid her head on the toilet seat, her eyes almost closed and stared at James as if she was unable to focus her vision but was trying. The noise from the backyard party was still loud, but inside, the two of them on the bathroom floor, the silence was comforting.

"Famous last words." He shrugged, wanting to laugh but feeling sorry for her, who looked like she wanted to throw up some more. "Evans, you better pull yourself together, or I'll have to take you to the hospital, and I think it's the last place you want to go." James raised his eyebrows, wanting her to remember exactly where they were.

The idea at first was good; a weekend among friends at James' grandparents' farm, abusing every last drop of trust his parents had in him and Sirius. They promised they'd take care of the house, and it was going to be quiet, but now, when he looks out the window and sees Remus jumping off the roof into the pool, and Peter upside down trying to drink beer, he thinks things have lost a bit the control.

As long as nobody ended up in the hospital and nothing was broken, everything was perfect.

The nearest hospital was over two hours away, and none of them had the ability to drive for so long on a dirt road that it took a lot of concentration not to end up with a mired or overturned car.

"I'll be fine." She settled on the floor, leaning her back against the cool wall behind her and closing her eyes. It took James a lot of concentration to keep his eyes off her perfectly sculpted breasts, gorgeous in that black bikini. Her tanned skin made it difficult.

"Can you get up?" James asked, no longer able to stand being in such a small space with Lily so close to him, even though she had been vomiting less than a minute ago. She nodded and accepted his hand when he reached out.

James helped her wash her face and the back of her neck, trying not to think too much about how hot her skin was and how the scent of sunscreen and Lily blended together perfectly.

"Are you better, Evans?" Sirius appeared just as they walked out of the bathroom, cheeks rosy from the sun and alcohol, hair pulled back in a bun and bathing trunks falling over his hips. He had a smirk on his face, which James thought was the drinking's fault, but when Hestia walked out of the room Sirius had just left, her hair messier than before and her bikini smoothing, James understood what was happened. ‘Or do we need to call for help for you?'

"I'm great, Black." Lily tossed her hair back, as if she wanted to prove her point to him. “Dressing problems, Hess?” The girl was almost to the back door, ready to go unnoticed, but she stopped as soon as she heard her name.

Her cheeks caught fire, but her smile didn't waver.

"Yes, the knot was too tight." Hestia shrugged, pointing to the knot in her tanned back. "Sirius was helping me." James chuckled, noticing when Sirius nodded, trying to look as innocent as possible.

"I'm sure he helped." Lily looked at Sirius, then at Hestia, finally walking towards the door, her ass looking like the hottest thing in the world.

"Careful not to drool, Prongs." Sirius slapped the back of his head, looking like he wanted to wake him up from the perverted dream he was having, his drunken brain imagining everything he could do if Lily stopped looking at him just as a friend.

“You're imagining things, you idiot.” He defended himself, following the three of them outside.

The day was sunny, and even with a little wind, there was a mass of hot air that made them sweaty even when they were standing still. Everyone was sporting a tan/redness from their carelessness, and tomorrow probably wouldn't be so kind to them, but James knew that no one here was caring about tomorrow and the possible side effects of spending too much time in the sun.

It was Sirius who had come up with the idea, after looking tired of hearing complaints from Peter and Hestia about how hot it was and how they wanted to go swimming somewhere. James had blamed him for just organizing this because it was a reason for him to see Hestia in bikinis, because this wasn't the first summer Peter had complained about the heat, but it was the first that the girls had joined their group.

They had met in college, Lily was in the lab with Peter, and Marlene was in the same class as James, and when Remus asked Hestia to have lunch with them, somehow they had all become friends.

It was a unlikely group, James admitted that, but having Marlene, Lily and Hestia around always seemed to make their group much more alive and complete somehow, even though James had never thought they needed more members.

As he sat down on the lounge chair next to Lily, James wondered what she would do if he tried to flirt with her; would she repay or would she push him away and their group would break up? He'd seen how a little shocked she looked when he'd taken off his shirt, but maybe it was the tattoos that had caused it to her.

"I always thought you were too much of a mama's boy for that," she'd said, pointing to his chest, where a constellation was drawn.

Maybe that was just the shock, but James liked to think there was something else, and before she wanted to throw up her guts, he was thinking that Lily was returning the flirting start they were having, sitting by the pool while James gave her his seductive smile.

"Feeling better?" James looked over at her, lying on the lounger with her sunglasses on and her belly white with sunscreen.

"Yes now." Lily sighed. "Sorry I made you see me in that situation."

"Nothing." James shrugged. "I've gotten a lot worse, don't worry…" He took a deep breath, gathering his chest boldly and thanking that his mind was a little clouded by the beer. "Lily, are you going with anyone to Liz's party?"

Liz was a girl who studied with James, they were classmates in the Philosophy class, she was a Brazilian exchange student, and had said that she would have a party to celebrate Valentine's Day on the same date that was celebrated in Brazil, and that it was a party with the themed 'june party', which implied that they dressed in checkered clothes, or round and lace-filled dresses. She had also said that they should go as couples, but for singles, there would be something like a kissing chain or something, James hadn't quite understood.

From the photos she had shown, it looked interesting, and any opportunity to ask Lily out, James was taking it.

"I hadn't thought to go, until now." She turned her head toward him, and James cursed her sunglasses, preventing him from seeing those beautiful green eyes. ‘Are you asking me on a date?

"Could be if you want," He smiled, hoping it was seductive enough.

"Are you asking me on a date after you saw me throw up?" This time Lily lifted her glasses, and her green eyes glared at him, her eyebrow raised and an adorable little smile on her lips.

"I said I've been worse." James bit his cheek, a little anxiously. 'Then? Do you want to be my partner? I can wear a dress if you like, I look really cute in lace.” He winked, just to make her laugh—and she did.

"I want," Lily put her glasses back on, and lay back down. 'Just because I want to see you wearing lace and ruffles… I promise to be a good gentleman and court you.' It was he who laughed now, thinking it was alcohol that made him feel silly like that, laughing at anything she said and with all those butterflies in the stomach.

"Fine, can't wait." He grinned from ear to ear, he would probably have his face torn open if he continued like this, but he was too happy to care.

He was going on a date with Lily Evans.

[jilyss]

“we’ve been nothing but friends for our whole lives but then we played seven minutes in heaven on a dare and now i think i might actually be in love with you” prompt :))

hi! thanks for the fun prompt!!

--

It’s was childish, really how Lily Evans had ended up in a closet. Childish because they were in uni for heaven’s sake, and didn’t they have more entertaining games to be playing?

But here she stood, locked in a closet with James Potter, staring up at him. 

They’d played two rounds of some version of flip cup, and whoever lost each round would have to play seven minutes in heaven with the other loser. Lily reasoned it could have been anyone that had also lost, but when she had agreed to it, she was sure she would win - or at least, not lose. But Marlene had practically forced a drink down her right before she started playing, and Lily hadn’t exactly been in her right mind. 

James had one hand in his hair, a constant for him, and the other hand shoved in his pocket. He had lost first, and he had hardly said anything after Lily had lost the second game. Lily had tried to protest, claiming that she would even do a dare from Sirius if it meant she could skip it. James was just too good of a friend for her to do it. 

But eventually, they’d been forced in the closet, and now stood facing each other. 

Lily folded her arms. “I can’t believe they would think we would do something like this.”

James folded his arms, smirking. “You lost on purpose, didn’t you?”

Lily leaned against the wall. “Bloody hell, of course not. We’ve been friends for what, two years?”

“Something like that.”

 They fell quiet, and Lily looked down at the floor. She was shaky, and not because of her drinking that night. Being alone, with him? It was scarier than she had even thought. But he made no moves towards her, and for that, Lily was grateful. It was James, you know? They were good friends, and she valued him too much to ruin it by playing a stupid game. 

James checked his phone. “We’ve got like three minutes left. I don’t think they’re listening. We could watch some tiktoks?”

Lily grinned and slide over to his side, leaning over his arm to watch as he scrolled. It was definitely a more comfortable option than actually participating in the game. But Lily had to wonder what would happen if she just reached up and -

No. James was her friend, and he would not appreciate that. Especially after she’d strongly protested playing this game. 

They watched for a few minutes. Lily insisted on watching a long video from Hank Green, and James tried to convince her to learn a new dance they’d found. When the seven minutes were up, Sirius swung the door open wide to find them decidedly not playing seven minutes in heaven. 

There was a chorus of groans from outside, and even Remus let out a long “Booo”. Lily flipped them off, then tried to step outside. Instead, Marlene stood in front of her. James put a hand on Lily’s shoulder, then tried to step past Sirius. He didn’t budge either. 

Sirius pointed back to the closet. “In. You guys both clearly want to fuck, and the rest of us are tired of waiting for you to do it, so would you just get on with it?”

“Marly,” Lily tried. But Marlene pointed back into the closet, laughing. 

“You guys lost. Play the game or you can’t come out.” She winked and prodded at Lily’s shoulder. Lily gave up, walking back into the closet, and pulling James with her. Sirius slammed the door closed, and the lock clicked behind them. 

Lily turned around to face James, expecting him to pull out his phone again, but instead, he stood only a few inches away from her. She sighed, pressing her hands to her sides to calm her nerves and taking a small step back. She paused for a few seconds, but it was dark and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“It’s ok, I know you don’t like me,” James finally said.

“What?” 

“Out there, it’s pretty clear you don’t like me.”

“James, of course I like you, you’re one of my best friends.”

He snorted. “Well out there, you made it pretty clear that you don’t want anything to do with me.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“You acted like coming in here would just about kill you.”

“Oh, don’t get your ego in a twist because I’m not another girl fawning all over you.”

“Is this about Sophie Hunt? You never liked her, and -”

“- No this isn’t about - I don’t give two rips about who you’ve dated. It’s your choice, I just thought you could do better than her.” Lily folded her arms again. “I’m just saying, every girl practically worships you, and you’re just mad that I don’t do the same.”

“They do not worship me, and if you even knew me, then you would know that I’m that kind of guy.”

Lily opened her mouth, retort ready. Sirius flung open the door, expecting to see the two of them in a much different position. They both had their arms folded, feet wide, and Lily knew her frustration was clear on her face. Sirius had seen them fight often enough to know exactly what was happening. 

Sirius slammed the door shut.

As the lock clicked, Lily turned back to James, sighing. “I’m sorry it came across like I didn’t like you. I do like you, I just - I just don’t want things to be weird between us.”

He blew out his breath. “Yeah, I know. Neither do I.” Through the darkness, she could see his slight smirk. “And for the record, girls do not worship me.”

“Uh, yes they do.” Lily poked at his chest. “Are you blind? You are literally the best person I know, James. You are incredibly attractive, are way too smart, and you know football like the back of your hand. All the girls want you.”

James was quiet, shifting quietly in the dark. Lily worried she had overstepped until - “incredibly attractive, huh?”

She snorted. “You know what I forgot to mention? An ego the size of England. Who wouldn’t want that?”

He took a step closer to her. “You.”

“What?”

“You don’t want that. You don’t want me.”

Lily’s heart suddenly started racing. She had not expected that and was suddenly very conscious of the fact that they were only a few inches apart now. “We’re friends,” she whispered.

James took a step back, one hand fisting his hair. Lily felt like she had said something wrong, and she felt a pit settle in her stomach. She wanted to say something - anything - to get rid of this weird feeling between them. There was a loud bang on the door from the party outside, and Lily jumped. 

“They aren’t going to let us out until we play out our seven minutes in heaven,” he said hoarsely. Lily nodded. Sirius would likely reappear any minute and Lily wanted to get out of the tiny closet. This was all too confusing, and she just wanted to go home now. 

She took a step closer, placing one hand on his chest and sliding her other up around his neck. He leaned down, pressing his lips to hers gently. Lily faltered for a second, but suddenly she just needed more. She deepened the kiss, stepping closer to him and pressing her body against his. His back hit the wall and Lily smiled as he let out a soft grunt. 

One of his hands moved to her back, his fingers dancing along the edge of her cropped shirt. Lily’s fingers played with James’ hair, weaving her fingers in and out of the messy tangles. She’d always wondered if it really was as soft as it looked, and it did not disappoint.

The door flew open, and Lily jumped back, her back hitting the opposite wall. Sirius let out a piercing whistle. James didn’t even glance at her as he left the closet, and Lily put a hand in her hair, letting out a ragged breath. The seven minutes were up.

And then something became very clear to her. 

Their friends were all crowding around the closet, teasing a blushing James. Sirius had one arm over James’ shoulders, throwing his head back in laughter at something Remus had said. Lily didn’t even hesitate. She crossed the short distance to James, grabbing his wrist and tugging him away from Sirius. 

He resisted at first, but when Lily gave him a warning look, he dropped it and followed her. She pulled him back into the closet, slamming the door behind her. Outside, she could hear her friends yelling something, but she drowned them out. 

“I want you,” she said angrily. She stabbed at his chest. “Those things I said about you? They’re true and I-” she faltered slightly, suddenly realizing what she had just done. If he didn’t feel the same way, it was all over. “I want you.”

James stared at her, mouth open in shock. His eyes were wide and dark, and Lily had never seen him like this. She realized she was still holding his wrist and dropped it. She was shaking and red and he wasn’t talking - oh god he wasn’t talking - and if he didn’t say anything in the next few seconds -

And then before Lily knew what was happening, James had grabbed her face, pulling her in a rough kiss. Lily responded instantly, going on her tiptoes to get better access to him. He backed her into the wall, placing one hand on the wall by her head. One of Lily’s hands fisted in his shirt, her knees sagging slightly as the warmth of his kiss filled her. 

Later, they would go emerge from the closet to cheers from their friends. Lily’s lipstick would be smudged and her hair in more tangles than it was before, and James’ shirt wouldn’t be buttoned properly. They would leave the party, hand in hand, wave goodbye to their friends, and just barely make it out the door before one of them would kiss the other again. 

But for now, Lily was intent on exploring as much of James as she could.

[babybirdling]

Prompt: James trying to handle drunk Lily while Lily tries seducing him.

Thank you for the prompt, love!

Voldermort also does NOT exist in this AU, I’m not having any of it.

It’s nearly dawn when the roar of the party has dwindled to a mere fizzle, music still broadcasted from the wireless network and drunk Gryffindors hanging from varying places of the common room, moaning in self-pity.

It’s the summer of ‘78.

They’re all nostalgic and not ready to leave the comfort of Hogwarts.

They’re also going to regret downing the stack of butterbeers when they wake at noon to McGonagall’s furious shouts. Except him, tough that may have something to do with him being far from hammered.

It’s his last month in the place that has been his home for the past seven years, and he wants to see every second of the party instead of waking up with a pounding headache and sore throat with absolutely no memory of how he ended up on the roof of the castle. Of course, his fellow co-head had entirely different plans. Lily had to have taken in at least four mugs of butterbeer by now, considering the fact he had to stop her from joining Sirius on the table to dance to his singing--despite how much he wants to join them both.

A voice rings out through the fading party air, the same one which makes his heart stutter even though it's been years since he first heard it, and--not long after--the redhead appears before him, “James!”

He’s still not used to hearing his name roll off her tongue with ease, and such sweetness, too.

He smiles, “Hullo, Lils.”

“I’m tired.”

“Let’s get you to bed then.”

She perks up at the thought, but he’s not expecting what follows.

“Ooh, your bed? Yes, please! I’ve always wanted to sleep there, especially when your smell will be on the sheets”

Merlin, the things this woman did to him.

James chokes out a laugh, mouth opening and closing like fish gaping out of the water.

“Christ, Lily, no. You’re going to your own bed.”

She pouted, and he wondered if she ever took special classes on how to melt someone’s heart. It couldn’t all be pure talent.

“Please, James?”

“How many drinks have you had?”

“I—hmm. Thr...ee…..or maybe—four? I was supposed to be competing with Marlene, y’know. But, that little nitwit is off snogging Dorcas! Pure betrayal, I tell you.”

“Well, to be fair—”

“I want to snog someone.”

“I—what?”

Lily drops onto the couch next to him, absentmindedly fingering with the rings on her fingers, eyes unfocused on Sirius twirling Peter around the table that had been, just hours prior, a source for drinks.

“Preferably this bloke I fancy. I want to snog him so bad, but he just won’t bloody let me. A nitwit, that’s what he is. Arse.”

His heart stops, and then starts again—over and over, the vicious cycle nearly numbing his brain.

—this bloke I fancy.

Fuck.

“I’m sure—“

“And,” she starts again, frown tugging at the tips of her lips, “he’s a massive prat too, asking me out for years and then, and then he just stops without warning...because he’s moved on from me—and how can he tire, tire of me— because I’m…well, me!”

Was she pulling at his leg?

“Lily—“

“But he’s so cute and his hair—“ she wails, surprising James as she drops her head onto his lap, “—but he won’t ask me out to Hogsmeade! He’s literally asked me several times! What’s one more?”

“Who exactly are you talking about?”

“A bloke I fancy! Haven’t you been listening?”

She looks up, eyes wide to meet his with full force but the focus glazes as she frowns thoughtfully.

“No I know what you meant but who—“

“He’s really pretty.”

He chuckles, easing back into the comfort of the chair—no longer alarmed, because honestly it’s so bloody clear and he can’t believe it’s taken a drunk night for her to say it. He’s not sure, but he’s testing the theory.

“I know, you’ve said that several times now.”

Lily turns over and props herself on her elbows, resting her chin on the open palms, “Should I kiss him?”

He chokes and gapes at her, “You...I don’t—what?”

“Should I?”

“I don’t bloody know, Lily, you tell me!”

She pouts at him, sitting up straight and putting several feet of air between them—which really shouldn’t be there, but his sanity thanks the gods that it is.

“Not the answer I was looking for, but I’ll do it anyways.”

His hands reach out to grasp her shoulder from moving forward, his heartbeat loud enough to wake the entire common room. The words run in his head on repeat, thundering against his skull in rhythm with his pulse.

“Lily, now is not the time or place. You’ll regret this in the morning.”

Curse his mother for her values and curse him for proudly taking them in. He doesn’t want to be a bleeding gentleman.

She shakes her head furiously, trying to move forward despite his hand blocking her, “I don’t. I really won’t.”

They stare at each other, pools of hazel searching green irises. James opens his mouth without a sound coming out, and closes it again.

He wants to. So very badly. But it’s still not right.

But his resolve gives in when Lily bites her lip and pushes his arm away, lips meeting one another and breath mixing. The party dulls into the background and all he can think is—bloody fucking bleeding hell—over and over again, hands reaching out to pull her into his lap and fastening them around her waist, an embarrassing moan let out from his lips as her nails scarp the scalp and his hair tangles between her fingers—fuck, why hasn’t he done this before?

She’s doing mind boggling things to his neck with those fingers. She’s running him dry when her teeth tugs at his lips. She tastes wonderful. She’s amazing and—shit he fancies her so, so much.

They part, grasping for much needed air, and he realises that she fancies him too.

When the fuck did that even happen?

James decides that’s a question for another time as he smirks up at her, touching their noses, “Go out with me, Evans?”

An embarrassing pant breaks the sentence, but he doesn’t care.

Lily huffs, hitting his arm, but the upward turn of her lips ruin the effect, “Now, the git wants to ask me out.”

“I thought you would reject me again!”

“Am I right now?”

“You haven’t even said yes yet! I didn’t want to ruin...whatever this is,” he gestures between them, “we’ve built this past year.”

Lily smiles, pecking his cheek, “Neither do I. But still—“

James sighed, “Lily, will you go out with me on Hogsmeade?”

“I’m tempted to say no.”

“You won’t, though.”

She smiles, resting her forehead on his, “No, I won’t.”

He grins, leaning in for another snog, because he wants the sparks back and ingrained in his lips forever, but something stops him.

A smirk overtakes his lips, “You little minx. You’re not drunk, are you?”

Lily shrugs, laughing, “I needed a kiss somehow, James.”

“You could’ve asked.”

“Less talking, mor—“

He swallows the rest of the sentence.

When Lily Evans asks something of you, you can hardly disobey her.

[atlasdoe]

Remus Come Down - I

Description:

Remus is sick and tired of people fucking him over so he grabs Emmeline and they go on a good old-fashioned killing spree together while Taylor Swift's "look what you made me do" plays in the background.

(Btw in this fic Remus and Dorcas are step siblings. Their mothers were married and they both have an older sibling. Dorcas as an older sister Called Dawn and Remus has an older brother called Romulus. Dorcas is also non binary and their pronouns are she/they)

Trigger warnings: depressing thoughts suicide mention of abuse

read on ao3 

Chapter One: A long list of overdue bastards

Dead.

The word kept repeating in Remus’ mind, over and over again like a broken record that he never bothered to fix.

Dead.

Mum was dead.

Paris was dead.

Romulus was dead.

Dawn was as good as dead.

Dorcas was dead.

Lily was dead.

James was dead.

Alice was as good as dead.

Sirius was dead. 

Remus thought he would have a hard time thinking about it. To associate such a dark word with someone who only brought Remus light, but he didn’t. In fact, it almost seemed like second nature. He wondered whose name would be added to the list next, he already had multiple guesses, none of which was himself. 

He hoped it was him, deep down he knew it wouldn’t be. If God wanted him dead then he would be dead, that’s what Dorcas always said. Every time he was sad, or worried, or felt like he couldn’t go on she would pull him close and tell him the same thing over and over again until he calmed down. 

“It’ll be okay,” She’d say. “It’s going to be okay. Everything will turn out just the way it’s supposed to.” And when Remus would cry harder and cling onto their shirt they’d kiss him on the forehead and run her hand through his hair as she would quietly add, “And when it does, if you’re still upset, if you don’t like the way things turned out, I’ll be there. And hopefully, when that happens it’ll be enough.”

And for a while it was. The day that their family was killed they were there for each other. They had sat in what remained of their mother’s pub and drank until dawn. They had cried, and talked, and laughed, until it felt like they were the only people on the planet, until the burning memories of Dawn and Romulus, of Hope, and Paris, and everyone they had lost from their fathers to Marlene, had blurred into nothing but a feeling. A heavy feeling weighing on both of their hearts desperate to be let out. At that time, it was enough.

But not anymore, not since Dorcas died.

They lied. They weren’t there for him. They left him. They died. And so did Lily, and James, and Alice, and Sirius. The list went on and on. Remus had been to so many funerals that he could recite Dumbledores speech off by heart. He was tired, he wanted to go home. The only problem was that he didn’t know where that was. It definitely wasn’t in Grimmauld Place, where he currently was; sat at the foot of Sirius’ bed.

He had been allowed in by Harry (who the house now belonged to) to go through Sirius’ stuff and keep whatever he wanted. Remus didn’t know why he accepted the offer, he couldn’t think of one thing that he could want. Nothing could possibly make him feel better, he just wanted to go home.

He didn’t know how long he had been there when he heard the front door open, he expected to hear the portrait of Walburga Black scream at whoever had entered as she did with him, but she didn’t. Whoever it was was light-footed and must’ve known of the portrait beforehand. Probably someone from the order, Remus thought. Nobody important enough to get up and greet.

When he had finally decided to leave it had been so long that he forgot that he wasn’t the only person in the house. Kreacher reminded him. “There’s a girl in the kitchen,” he complained when Remus reached the bottom of the stairs.

“What do you want me to do about it?” 

Kreacher didn’t reply, but groaned and made his way towards the kitchen, obviously expecting Remus to follow. Remus assumed for the crying girl to be Tonks, she had just lost her cousin after all. Instead, he found Emmeline Vance, sitting on the floor with her head in her hands. She was a mess, her hair was up in a bun that looked seconds away from falling out. She had her old Ravenclaw jumper on but the sleeves were covered in snot and there were tear stains around the collar. She looked up when she heard him walk in and quickly whipped her eyes. “Hi, Remus. I didn’t know you would be in. Is this where you’re staying now?”

Remus didn’t reply, he just stares at her. Emmeline wasn’t wearing any makeup, which was something he had never seen before, he had never seen her without a braid in her hair either. She looked different, older, and sad. If it hadn’t come down to the process of elimination he’d doubt he’d know it was her at all. 

“Remus,” she pressed. “I asked you a question.”

Remus shook his head, “No, I'm not staying here,” he said quietly.

“Where are you staying?”

He shrugged. “Are you okay?”

Her eyebrows knitted together, it was a stupid question he knew that. But he didn’t know what else to say and wanted to get out of the topic of his living situation as quickly as possible. 

She didn’t answer for a while, she just stared at him with a pitiful look on her face. It was at this moment that Remus realized that he must’ve looked as worse as she did. He stared back. In the 28 years that he had known Emmeline, she had always been the most put-together person that he had known. She was Hogwarts resident IT girl, she walked up and down the castle halls with purpose and confidence. She was a brilliant flyer but never played quidditch, she had every boy dropping at her feet but had been single for the whole seven years she was brilliant, the smartest in their year; always head to head with Remus on getting the highest marks in their year. Remus would’ve never admitted it out loud but he (like everyone else in their year) was obsessed with her.

They were never friends, Remus and Emmeline, but they had mutual friends that kept them in the same social circle enough for Remus to have the confidence to say hello to her as they crossed paths in the corridor. In fact, they had never actually had a conversation with just the two of them. The more Remus thought about it the less he believed that they really knew each other at all.

But something had changed, they were the last ones. The last of that bunch of bright-eyed determined Hogwarts graduates who gave up their youth so the next generation could have a better one. At the time the action felt heroic, now it just felt stupid. But still, it was one they took together, and one by one they had watched all the others die because of it, until it was just them.

It was just them. And with that came something that Remus couldn’t quite explain. Emmeline was now so much more than just a girl he went to school with, now she was a girl he had known since he was eleven. He now felt a sudden urge to protect her, to hold her close and tell her that everything will be okay just like Dorcas had done for him countless times before, and judging by the look in her eyes she felt the same way about him.

So that’s exactly what she did. She stood up slowly and took two steps towards him, carefully raising her arms as if any sudden movements would make him run away. On her third step, he took one, on her fourth he took two, and on her fifth, he fell into her arms and sobbed. 

They both hit the floor and cried in each other’s arms. Not one word was spoken between them, but the tight grips and stuttered breaths said enough.

I’m sad.

I’m lonely.

I miss them.

I regret it.

I want to go back.

I want to go home.

After all their tears had run out, they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

 Remus woke up to the sound of children laughing. He didn’t know where he was, for a moment he thought that maybe he was dreaming or had drunk too much that he couldn’t remember where he was, Emmeline’s entrance put his mind at ease.

“Sorry,” she said as she came into what he assumed to be a spear bedroom. “Did the kids wake you? I told them to be quiet.”

“Kids? What kids?” Remus asked, still half asleep and very confused as to where he was and what he was doing there.

“My kids. Well, mine and my brother-in-law’s kids.” 

He didn’t reply, so she went on.

“My wife came looking for me last night and I would’ve felt bad for leaving you alone in that place so we brought you here. I hope you don’t mind, we tried to wake you but you’re such a heavy sleeper.” She dropped some clothes on the foot of the bed and went back to the door. “Those are some clothes for you to change into and we have breakfast ready but take your time,” she said quickly, it was obvious that she knew exactly what she was going to say before entering and didn't want to mess her script up. 

After Emmeline left it took five minutes before Remus got up. In all honesty, he was a bit confused. He didn't really remember much of last night, but that was probably because he didn't do much. He didn't know that Emmeline was married let alone to a woman and he definitely didn't know that she had a kid. It was at that moment that his view of Emmeline changed. Last night he saw her as almost equal to him, but now he knew that she did indeed have her life together and last night was nothing but a moment of weakness. 

He got changed quickly and made his way down the stairs where Emmeline was. She was sat at the table with a cup of tea in her hands. A woman was sat opposite her and jumped out of her seat when she was Remus. 

“You must be Remus,” she said with a smile. “I'm Taylor.”

Remus smiled politely and shook her hand which she had held up. “Nice to meet you,” he replied in a robotic tone, he turned to Emmeline. “I didn’t know you were married.”

Emmeline shrugged, “It’s something I’ve been wanting to keep a secret, and I would like it to stay that way,” her eyes diverted to the two children sitting on the floor on the other side of the room, “For obvious reasons.”

Remus nodded. He got that, he wished he had kept his family a secret (though that would’ve been pretty impossible.)

“Why don’t you have something to eat,” Taylor suggested, still smiling. She lead him to the table and handed him a plate with a full English breakfast on it, before excusing herself to take the kids to school.

“Im glad the clothes fit you,” Emmeline spoke up after s few moments of silent eating. “Tay wasn’t sure if you would be the right size or not. They’re her brother’s clothes, he was by earlier you just missed him.”

Remus nodded but didn’t reply, he simply kept eating as slowly as he could. He didn’t know how long he was welcomed into Emmeline’s home and didn’t want to be kicked out so soon.

“Do you remember much of last night?”

He shrugged, “I remember finding you and us… hugging and such.”

She hummed and sipped her tea. “You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you need.”

Thank fuck for that.

Remus smiled, “I appreciate that, thank you.”

Emmeline smiled back, then noticeably hesitated before asking, “How are you feeling?”

Remus closed his eyes, he didn't know how he was feeling so he shrugged. “I don’t know,” he told her  “...numb i guess.”

“Numb? In what way?”

He shrugged again, “How am I supposed to feel?”

Emmeline sighed. She finished her tea and got up to make a new one, as she waited for the kettle to boil she leaned over the kitchen counter and stared at him. Remus’ eyes diverted to his food, he waited for her to speak.

“Is Peter still alive? Do you know?”

He hadn't been expecting that.

“To my knowledge he is,” he answered.

Emmeline hummed and finished making her tea before coming back to the table. “It sucks doesn't it,” she said as she sat down. “How he's alive but so many good people aren't.”

Remus just nodded in response. He didn't want to have his conversation. He now gripped his own cup of tea tightly as he stared at it, tears threatened to fall but he refused, he couldn't cry in front of Emmeline again.

Emmeline seemed not to notice his discomfort and continued, “The order now is almost nothing like it was in the first war, but the death eaters still have all of their main contenders. At this rate we’ll lose the war. They're only growing in numbers.”

Remus had never thought of that. The order had lost so many great witches and wizards while the death eaters seemed unaffected. They've had some casualties of course, Evan Rosier came to mind, also there was Barty Crouch jr and of course Regulus. But Regulus was killed by his own and Barty was long overdue in his opinion, but aside from them not many death eaters have ever been killed, imprisoned sure but not killed. 

“It's because we sent them to Azkaban instead of killing them,” Remus said, he still wasn't looking at her but could feel her eyes on him. 

“Well clearly that isn't doing anything.”

Remus finally looked up, eyebrow raised, “What's that supposed to mean.”

Emmeline seemed unphased, she simply shrugged, “Well we sent nearly every death eater to Azkaban and they've all come out and just continued doing what got them sent there in the first place. Being in Azkaban doesn't seem to have any effect on them.” 

Remus thought of Sirius. The difference between Sirius before and after Azkaban was clear as day to him. He had spent too many nights reassuring Sirius that he was safe, too many moments reminding Sirius of their Hogwarts day. He had whipped too many tears from Sirius’ eyes when he got frustrated as he tried to remember the happy times in his life, in their life. 

He shook his head, but didn't say anything. Those things were private no matter how much he wanted to scream in Emmelines face about how broken Sirius had become he wouldn't. Sirius wouldn't want him to. 

He didn't realise that Emmeline hadn't stopped talking until he heard her say, “We should just do their job for them and kill ‘em.”

His head shot up. He hadn't been expecting her to say that.

“You want to kill them?”

She shrugged, “We could if we wanted to, that's all I'm saying.”

She wasn't wrong. Out of everyone in the Order Remus and Emmeline were two of the most powerful. On top of that, Remus could easily think of a bunch of people who he would want a little bit of revenge on.

He hesitated before asking, “Let's say we do decide to just go on our own, who would you want to kill?”

She put her cup down and looked him in the eye, “I'm sure you can think of a few.”

This time he didn't hesitate. “You got a pen and paper?”

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Jily inspired by Anne with an E

Lily Evans was tired of James Potter. For starters, he was an asshole. He never got tired of making stupid pranks, doing everything to be the center of attention, and making Sev's life a living hell.

James Potter and Lily Evans had constantly fought since they met. Lily had always questioned his love for breaking the rules. Whernever she could, she told the teachers what those boys were up to, getting them into detention. Which was the correct thing to do, in Lily's opinion. And James hated her for that. He also hated her because she was friends with Severus. Lily knew they were mortal enemies from the beginning.

But for some reason, James Potter began asking Lily out. Lily didn't understand why. She was the only girl who treated him like shit. Lily knew he was obsessed to go out with her to show his friends and others, that he could get any girl he pleased. And no, no. Lily wasn't going to give him that satisfation.

"James Potter is not my favourite person" Lily said as she dropped on the seat besides Marlene, that particular morning of their fourth year. They were on the History of Magic class.

"What did he do this time?" asked Marlene. She was used to hearing Lily complain about James Potter.

"What he didn't do?" Lily sighed "He wouldn't leave me alone this morning. God! Why doesn't he just leave me alone?"

"Poor lad, just give him a chance. If you give him one date, he would leave you alone"

"Never"

Marlene smiled. Lily saw James sitting a few seats behind her with Sirius Black. She rolled her eyes.

The class began. After a while Lily got bored and she was drawing little flowers on her parchment. When she felt a piece of paper on her neck.

"Lily" someone whispered

"Oi. Evans"

Bloody James Potter. Again.

Lily decided to ignore him. Perhaps he would give up. But hell no. This was Bloody James Potter. Lily felt more pieces of paper on her neck. He still was calling her. Lily was losing pacience.

At this point everyone at the class were looking at them. Except Mr. Binns who just continued to speak in a dull voice. Lily felt James presence kneeling down besides her desk.

"Oi. Evans" he whispered "I need to talk to you. It is important"

"Go away. We are on a class" she whispered back without looking at him.

"I said it is important"

Lily was red in flames from the anger. She was about to lose it.

"Evans. Evans" James whispered and then he pulled her hair.

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE POTTER" Lily screamed and smacked James Potter with the thick book of History of Magic.

The class stopped and Professor Binns, as well as the rest of the class, looked at them in shock. James was bleeding.

James Potter hated Lily Evans. She was this annoying girl that wanted to follow the rules at all costs. She had given James and his friends detention. But James somehow liked making that girl lose her senses.

On their fourth year, James Potter started noticing girls. And when he saw Lily on the train he was like 'wow'. Lily Evans was pretty. Her red hair has grown considerebly. And she had developed. As a teenage boy, James noticed she had a nice pair of tits.

James told his friends he could get Lily Evans on a date anytime he liked. So they bet. But James didn't only want to the bet, but he would love to date a girl as pretty as her. And she was different to the others, which James adored. So he asked her out.

But she always said no. James didn't understand why the more Lily Evans rejected him, the more he wanted her.

So that morning he tried to speak to her and got yelled by her really badly. After that, while he was wondering the halls, he bumped into Snivellus. Hiding out, he could listen him talking with Mulciber. It was the first time James heard Snape talking fondly about He Who Must Not be Named and how what he was doing was right.

James was pissed. He hated Snivellus. He was really a loser and he was always trying to make fun of his friends. But this was on another level. He was practically a death eater.

James' first instict was to tell Lily. He knew she was a muggleborn and she was friends with him. She needed to know the kind of person he was.

So on History of Magic, James couldn't stop thinking about it. Besides he was bored as hell. So he wrote a note to Lily, which she ignored. She also ignored him calling her. He had to gain her attention. So out of despair, James pulled her hair. What he didn't expect was for Lily to hit him with the book.

So now they were sitting outside the Hospital Wing. James with a bag of ice on his forehead. He was bleeding and it hurt so much.

"Does it hurt badly?" Lily asked. She seemed really sorry.

"Yeah..." James answered "I think that book is made of bricks"

"I'm sorry" she said

"Well it's your fault if I get a concussion"

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Don't exagerate Potter"

"Ouu... It hurts" he said pressing his head.

Madame Pomfrey came out finally.

"What the bloody hell happened to you?" she asked when she saw James.

"She hit me with a book" James said pointing at Lily.

"It was an accident!" Lily protested

"No it wasn't. I'm pretty sure you did on purpose" James said playing the victim.

"Because you wouldn't stop bothering me"

"I was trying to gain you attention. But you bloody ignored me"

"We weren't supposed to talk, we were on class"

"You are very rude"

Madame Pomfrey looked between the two.

"Oh, young love" she said

"We're not in love" James and Lily said at the same time.

Madame Pomfrey smiled.

"Oh well. Let me see that Potter" She examined James' injury. With a flick of her wand, the injury cured itself. She took a vile out of her robes.

"This is for the pain. But do not drink too much.Three drops will do"

"Thanks Poppy" James said smiling.

"No off you go. You must have classes" Madame Pomfrey went inside and closed the door.

"Well you're good Potter. I'll see you in detention" "Wait" James stopped her "I needed to tell you something"

With all the issue, James almost forgot about Snape.

"Well if it is so urgent.. let's hear it out"

"It think Snape is going to become a death eater"

Lily sighed "What?"

"I heard him taking to Mulciber about..."

"It is unbelievebable" Lily said "What does he had to do with this?"

"I'm telling you that..."

"No. I don't want to hear it"

Lily's cheeks were red now. James thought she was so pretty when she got angry.

"You always find ways to bother Severus. You are a bully Potter. Leave him alone"

"But.."

"Honestly you deserve to be hit, I don't regret it at all. I hope it gives you pain"

Lily stormed out of there very angry at James.

"Wait Evans"

James sighed. For Gods Sake. He was so into her and he will never had her. She hated him.

[marauders-venting]

Wish You Were Gay

pairing: dorlene (dorcas x marlene)

genre: fluff & angst, pining (is that a genre? it is now)

warnings: none

words: 3707

note: based on the song ‘wish you were gay’ by Claude

a/n: ooooo my first dorlene fic. this is pretty long but i loved writing it

Picture this: you and me in the morning kissing over the coffee you're pouring. It could be like that every day hate it that I wish you were

“Wake up,” Alice said, loudly. “Come on, people, wake up.” Dorcas opened her eyes and groaned, covering her head with the pillow, holding it to cover her ears.

“I hate this,” Alice said. “Why do I have to wake up four people who don’t want to be woken up every single morning?”

“Cause you’re the only one who naturally wakes up that early,” Lily mutters through the toothpaste in her mouth.

“Then get an alarm clock,” Alice grumbled.

“What’s that?” asks Marlene.

“You really need to take Muggle studies, Marls,” Mary says, getting up too. Dorcas was still trying to go back to sleep but Alice pulls the pillow out of her hand and hits her with it.

“Fine, fine, I’m up,” Dorcas said, getting out of bed. Marlene, who was already changing her clothes, smiled teasingly at her. Dorcas stuck her tongue out at her and went to brush her teeth, too tired to think of something snarky to say.

“Come on, Dorcas,” Marlene says once Dorcas comes out of the bathroom, tying her shoelaces. “Let’s go down to breakfast and I’ll get us some coffee.”

“Fine,” Dorcas said. Lily, Mary and Alice had already gone down but Marlene had waited for Dorcas. Warmth spread through Dorcas’ body at the thought and she couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on her face. She changes quickly, not bothering to search for matching socks and they go down to breakfast.

They sit across from each other and Marlene reaches for the coffee pot. She pours them both coffee. It takes all of Dorcas’ willpower not to lean over the table and kiss her, as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes. It’s the same thing every day, the same feeling every single morning. Every time Dorcas finds herself wondering how somebody so close could feel so far away. She assumes that it’s an inevitable side effect of being in love with your best friend. But all of these inevitable side effects are becoming increasingly harder to deal with.

Hoping that I'm a better replacement for the guys that you're always out chasing or should I accept things I can't change hate it that I wish you were

It had been a long time since Marlene and Sirius had broken up when Sirius had come out as gay. Dorcas still secretly wished it had been the other way around. She remembered being excited when Marlene told her that she and Sirius were no longer dating. And then feeling terrible about it.

“Are you ok?” Dorcas had asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Marlene said. “Like really fine. It was a bit weird anyway. Dating Sirius, I mean. I think it's better that we’re just friends.”

“Are you sure you’re not upset?” Dorcas asked. She would have known if Marlene had really been upset, she was sure of it. But she wanted to check with her anyway.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Marlene said, smiling at her.

“So why’d you break up?” Dorcas asked. Marlene bit her lip.

“I can’t tell you,” she said. “I’m sorry, Dorcas. I promise you’ll know soon anyway.”

“It’s fine,” Dorcas said. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to—” Marlene started but Dorcas put her hand on Marlene’s to stop her.

“It’s ok,” Dorcas said. “I believe you.”

Later that day, they had all been sitting in the common room — Dorcas, Marlene, Lily, Mary, Alice, Remus, Sirius, James and Peter — and Sirius had told them all the real reason he had broken up with Marlene. Based on their expression, Dorcas assumed he must have already told Remus, James and Peter. Or they had already guessed it for themselves. Dorcas wasn’t surprised either. This was just proof that her gaydar worked. Even Lily, Mary and Alice didn’t look all that surprised.

“Why aren’t you more shocked?” Sirius demanded.

“Because it was pretty obvious,” Dorcas said, smiling.

“Well clearly not to me,” Marlene said, rolling her eyes.

“So… you guys are really ok with this?” Sirius asked, tentatively.

“Of course,” Lily said. “You think we’d ditch you just because you like guys? Come on, we're not that shallow.”

“Don’t worry, Siri, we still love your stupid face,” said Marlene, swinging an arm around him. Dorcas felt a flare of jealousy. She wanted to be the one with Marlene’s arm around her, she wanted to hear Marlene say that she loved her. Dorcas remembered hoping that maybe she would be a better replacement for Sirius. Better than some guy. But Marlene obviously didn’t think so, seeing as she’d had several boyfriends since she and Sirius had broken up. Dorcas should just accept that there were certain things she couldn’t change.

I wish you were gay so you could just hold me. Call me your babe instead of your homie. Don't know what to say but I wish you were gay. I wish you were gay so it would be easy for me to say that I'm catching feelings. And I know you're straight but I wish you were gay

“Wait,” Peter had said that day that Dorcas had foolishly hoped that she might have a chance with Marlene. “Didn’t… didn’t you guys break up?” he asked Marlene and Sirius, who still had an arm around each other. 

“Yeah, so?” Sirius asked.

“We can still be besties,” Marlene said.

“Hey, stop stealing my bestie,” James said, hugging Sirius and refusing to let go.

“Tell your bestie to stop stealing my bestie,” Dorcas said to James, pulling Marlene’s arm towards her. Dorcas loved that Marlene was her best friend. But she wanted more than friendship. She wanted Marlene to hold her at night, to hear Marlene whisper to her under the covers, to feel Marlene’s lips on her skin.

“Jamie, you’re suffocating me,” Sirius said, laughing.

“Shhh, suffocate quietly, bestie, I’m trying to make a point,” James said.

It had not taken Dorcas a very long time to give up her hopes that Marlene might want her. But that didn’t stop her from wishing that Marlene was gay. If Marlene was gay, at least Dorcas would be able to admit her feelings. At least she would stand a chance if only a small one. But Marlene was straight. That much was clear.

Now I see you get off of the subway, haven't seen you in months but it's ok. I'd forgotten but I feel the same hate that I still wish you were. You walk up and I'm dreading the small talk with your boyfriend, he's chatting my ear off. So I lie and I say I can't stay hate it I still wish you were

Marlene hadn’t had a boyfriend for several months now and Dorcas thought that she might finally be over her crush. That is, until yesterday.

“Dorcas?” Marlene called, coming into the dorm.

“Yeah?” Dorcas replied. “I’m in the bathroom. Just one second.” Dorcas came out and saw Marlene, giddy and smiling.

“Ok, guess what?” she said, excitedly.

“What?” Dorcas asked, becoming equally excited.

“George Davies asked me out!” Marlene squealed. Immediately all of Dorcas’ feelings came rushing back like they’d never gone at all. She supposed that they hadn’t.

“Oh my god!” she squealed back, impressing herself with her acting skills. She sounded genuinely excited, although she could probably put that down to too much experience at pretending to be excited whenever Marlene announced that she was dating a new boy rather than actual talent. “Wait, remind me which one he is?”

“He’s the Keeper on the Ravenclaw team,” Marlene said.

“Oh right. Yeah, I know him,” Dorcas said. “Is he nice?”

“Yeah, he’s really sweet,” Marlene says. “And also so gorgeous. Like wow. I mean, did you see him in the game last week?”

“Oh yeah,” Dorcas said. “Yeah, he’s really hot.” Dorcas made a mental note to work on pretending to be straight cause right now she was failing miserably. Her last comment could not have sounded any more sarcastic but Marlene didn’t seem to have noticed.

“Ok I have to go,” Marlene said. “I told him I’d meet him by the courtyard at six o’clock but I just had to tell you.”

“Have fun,” Dorcas said.

“Thanks. See you later, Dorcas.” And with that, she hurried out of the dormitory and down the stairs.

Dorcas collapsed on her bed and sighed. She had forgotten the pain, the physical pain, that she felt in her chest every time Marlene started dating another guy but it was the same. Nothing had changed. She thought she was finally over this but turns out she wasn’t. I just need to clear my mind, she thought, think of something else. So she decided to go to dinner. Hopefully, some of her friends will be there to distract her.

When she walks into the Great Hall she immediately spots her friends at the Gryffindor table.

“Dorcas!” she hears. She recognises Marlene's voice but it takes her a minute to find her in the sea of students. She’s sitting at the far end of the Gryffindor table with a boy wearing Ravenclaw robes. George Davies. Her boyfriend.

Marlene gestures that Dorcas should join her. Dorcas bites her lip. She wants to sit with Marlene but she doesn’t want to talk to her boyfriend. But she decides to go anyway. Marlene is your best friend, she reminds herself, you should be happy for her.

“George, this is Dorcas,” Marlene says as Dorcas sits down beside her. “Dorcas, this is George.” She exchanges a smile with him and Dorcas curls her hand into fists.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he says.

“You too,” Dorcas says. Her voice sounds far less enthusiastic and her smile is forced. Dorcas had been dreading meeting George since Marlene suggested it (which, granted, was not that long ago but that didn’t make anything any better).

George starts talking about something but Dorcas is only half listening. She glances over at Marlene but Marlene doesn’t seem to be that interested either. In fact, when Dorcas looks at her, she finds that Marlene’s eyes were already on her. Marlene smiles at her but Dorcas can’t bring herself to smile back.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” Dorcas says, interrupting George. “I’ve got a ton of homework to do. See you later, Marlene.” And with that, she gets up and walks out of the Great Hall.

She wasn’t lying. She really did have a lot of work to do. But she wasn’t planning on doing it. She got back to the dorm and flopped on her bed. Tears formed in her eyes but she held them back. This isn’t worth crying over, she told herself. She could’ve said it another million times but it wouldn’t have kept the tears from spilling onto her cheeks.

We'd be so good give me one look I know you don't mean it when you come to flirt the dreams that I'm having are just getting worse

Dorcas had mostly composed herself by the time Marlene got back to the dorm.

“Um, what was that all about?” Marlene asked later when it was just the two of them.

“What was what?” asked Dorcas.

“Why didn’t you want to talk to George? Do you not like him or something?”

“What? No, he’s fine,” Dorcas says. “He seems nice.”

“Then why did you pretend to have homework so that you didn’t have to talk to him?” Marlene asked, arms crossed.

“I didn’t pretend anything,” Dorcas says. “Besides, what's the big deal if I don’t want to talk to him? It’s not like it matters.”

“Uh, it matters to me,” Marlene said, angrily. “I really like him and I would appreciate it if you made an effort to get to know him. I don’t always like all of your friends but I’m still nice to them.”

“I just didn’t want to talk to him, ok?” Dorcas said, turning away. “I was just irritated.”

“So what is it about him that’s so irritating?” Marlene practically yells. Dorcas looks at her, eyes wide. Marlene hardly ever yells. Or at least, she hardly ever yells in anger. “Or is it just that I’m dating him? Cause for some reason you never seem to like anybody who I go out with. So what is it? Are you jealous or something?”

“Jealous?!” Dorcas exclaims. “What’s there to be jealous of? You can’t keep a guy for more than a month.” Dorcas knew it was a low blow. Are we seriously fighting about guys right now? Dorcas thinks. She doesn’t even like guys. How did they even get here?

“Well, at least I actually get guys. You’ve never even had a boyfriend,” Marlene snaps. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean th—” But Dorcas just laughs.

“Oh right. I wonder why that is. Maybe it’s cause I’m a fucking lesbian!” Silence. Dead silence.

“What?”

“Fuck.”

“Are you serious?”

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Dorcas says, burying her face in her hands. “Ok. Um. I’m sor—” And then Marlene’s arms are around her.

“It’s ok,” Marlene whispers to her. “It’s ok. I’m sorry I was such a bitch. I’m so happy for you, Dorcas. Thank you for telling me. I’m so proud of you.” It took Dorcas several moments to comprehend what the fuck was going on. And when she did, she did the exact opposite of what she should’ve done: she buried her face in the crook of Marlene's neck and let the tears stream from her eyes. She breathed in the smell of Marlene’s hair and let it calm her down. Then she realised exactly what she was doing and stepped away, shaking her head.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

“Shh, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Marlene says. Dorcas just shook her head. She looked at Marlene and their eyes met.

Dorcas knew that she and Marlene would be perfect together. They would be so good. And if Marlene just gave her one look, just considered looking at Dorcas differently, maybe it could happen. No, Dorcas told herself. She’s straight. She has a boyfriend. This was a fantasy that existed only in Dorcas’ dreams. And she did dream about it. The first time it happened she hoped it would be a one time thing, but her dreams had only gotten worse since then. It’s no use. I’m in love with Marlene McKinnon, she thought.

“I love you,” she mumbled.

“W-what?” Marlene asked.

“I’m in love with you, Marlene,” she said louder, looking up at her. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be, I-I… I should probably go.” Dorcas nodded, tears filling her eyes.

Marlene stumbled out of the room and ran down the stairs to the common room. She saw the rest of her friends come into the common room, Sirius talking loudly and drawing everybody’s attention. Sirius. He would know what to do. He always did.

“Sirius!” Marlene called. “Sirius!”

“Hey Marls, what up?” Sirius said, turning around. “Are you ok?”

“No, I-I need to talk to you,” she said shakily. “It’s really important.”

“Ok,” Sirius said. “Of course. whatever you need.”

“Come on,” she said, pulling him back outside the portrait hole and into an empty corridor.

“Marlene, what happened?” Sirius asked.

“Can I ask you something?” she said, ignoring his question. “It’s pretty personal.”

“Of course. You can ask me anything.”

“How did you know you were gay?”

“Oh. Wow um,” Sirius started. “I don’t really know how it happened. It kind of just hit me randomly one day and then I started to really think about it, I guess.” Marlene nodded, biting her lip. “I know that doesn’t really answer your question but that’s pretty much what happened. Was there something else you wanted to ask?”

“Just one more thing,” Marlene said slowly. “And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, I just… how did you know you were in love with Remus?”

“Um. I mean it took a while to figure it out. But eventually, I just noticed it. I always loved spending time with him. I always wanted to be around him. Like every moment that I wasn’t with him felt wasted. I mean, don’t get me wrong I love hanging out with you and James and Peter. But with Remus, it was like… we’d be hanging out and it never felt like enough. I always wanted more.”

“To spend more time with him?”

“Well, that too. But also to do more with him. To be closer, to be touching more, hugging more, talking more. Eventually, I realized that I wanted to kiss him. That took a while though. To get to that point.” Marlene nodded and buried her face in her hands.

“Fuck,” she says. “I fucked things up so bad, Siri.”

“Marlene, what's going on? Are you… do you think you’re in love with someone?” Marlene nods. “Who?” Marlene swallows.

“Dorcas,” she whispers. Sirius' jaw drops.

“Wait is she gay?” Sirius asks.

“Apparently,” Marlene says.

“She told you this?”

“Yeah, just now.” Sirius nodded.

“And what did you do?” he asked.

“I hugged her. And I told her it’s ok and that I’m proud of her.”

“Then I don’t understand. That is a great reaction. Better than my friends going ‘yeah we know, what else is new?’ What did you fuck up?”

“She told me she’s in love with me.”

“Oh. And what did you say?”

“Nothing. I just walked out,” she said. Sirius winced. “It’s bad huh?”

“I’ll be honest with you, Marls, that was pretty fucking bad. I mean, if Remus had done that to me when I told him that I love him… well let’s just say it wouldn’t have been good.”

“I need to talk to her,” she said, standing up.

“Yes, you do. And Marlene?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember that whatever you’re feeling is ok. Your feelings are valid. Just try to be gentle with Dorcas’ feelings too ok?”

“Yeah,” Marlene sighs. “Ok. Thanks for everything, Siri. What would I do without you?”

“What would anyone do without me?” Sirius said. “And you’re welcome.”

Dorcas heard the door to the dormitory open and quickly stopped crying. She rolled over on her bed so it would look like she’s asleep. She didn’t want to be interrogated right now.

“Dorcas?” It was Marlene. Dorcas didn’t want to talk to her but Marlene would know that she wasn’t really asleep and Dorcas didn’t want to ignore her. So she turned around and sat up in bed.

“Dorcas, I’m so sorry,” Marlene said, coming over and sitting down on the edge of Dorcas’ bed. “I reacted terribly and I’m so so sorry.”

“I… I kinda just want to be alone now, Marlene,” Dorcas says, not looking at her.

“Ok,” Marlene says, biting her lip. “Ok. I just wanted to give you something.” Dorcas looks up at her. Marlene wipes away her tears gently with her thumb. And then she pulls Dorcas in and kisses her softly on the lips. The kiss is over before Dorcas even registers that it’s real. Her first thought is that she’s dreaming. Because there’s no way that Marlene is really kissing her. But it doesn’t feel like a dream. It doesn’t feel like everything could disappear in an instant. It feels real. It feels good. And then Marlene pulls away and Dorcas is left sitting there with a blank expression on her face and a mess inside her head. After several moments of silence, Marlene speaks.

“Sorry,” she says, standing up. “I don’t know why I did that. Um. I’ll just go, I guess.”

“No, wait!” Dorcas says, grabbing Marlene’s hand as she turns towards the door. “Don’t go, I— was that… the thing that just happened was it… was it real? Did you really just… I—” Dorcas had lost the ability to speak. There were so many things she wanted to ask, things she wanted to say but Marlene’s kiss seemed to have temporarily numbed her brain, rendering her incapable of speech. But Marlene knows what she’s trying to ask.

“Yeah,” she says and offers Dorcas a small smile. “We… we kissed.”

“But… but I… I mean, you… you have a boyfriend,” Dorcas blurts out.

“Not anymore,” Marlene shakes her head. “I told him that it’s not going to work out. I mean, even if you don’t want to be with me, I still think I need some time to—”

“Don’t want to be with you?” Dorcas says, incredulously. “Are you kidding me? That’s literally all I’ve wanted for years. I just… You’re my best friend. I know I told you that I love you and I’m sorry if I made you feel like you have to do something about it. Don’t feel like you have to do this just because I said something stupid.”

“I’m not doing anything because I feel like I have to,” Marlene says. “I’m doing this because I want to. And it wasn’t stupid,” she adds quietly.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Dorcas says, so quietly it’s almost a whisper.

“You won’t,” Marlene says, squeezing her hand. “You can’t.”

Marlene leans in again but this time she stops, her lips hovering over Dorcas’.

“Can I kiss you?” she whispers.

“Yes,” Dorcas whispers back, but she doesn’t give Marlene a chance. She closes the gap between them, fitting her lips with Marlene’s, kissing her like she’s been longing to do since they were fourteen years old. Her hands find Marlene’s waist and she lightly lays them on the curves of Marlene’s body. Marlene moves into the touch and sighs into Dorcas’ mouth, making her kiss Marlene harder.

When they break apart, Dorcas couldn’t keep the smile off her face even if she wanted to. She looks at Marlene, her clear, blue eyes glittering.

“Does this mean… are… are you gay?” Dorcas asked, though she still hadn’t quite regained the ability to speak.

“I don’t know,” Marlene said. “I’ve got no clue what I am. But I do know that I love you.” Dorcas smiled.

“Say it again.”

“I’m in love with you, Dorcas Meadowes.”

[mvnvgedmischief]

unremarkable days.

summary: sirius black is trying to be a good man, a good brother, a good person. Sirius has a steady job designing book covers for a publishing house, a flat he never leaves, and a traumatized brother who was just removed from the custody of his parents. All in all, it's wildly unremarkable.

chapter:  4/?

characters: sirius black, regulus black, wolfstar, background marauders

tags: tw: canon compliant abuse, child abuse, social services, abuse

words: 3. 8 k

read it on ao3 here

read the last chapter here

Sirius knew that work was going to be high stress all day. He felt sick to his stomach, thinking about the way he would continuously have to talk to people, when all he wanted was some peace. He wanted downtime. Time when he didn’t have to think about how he needed his paycheck to put food on the table, clothes on his brother’s back, pay bills to keep his lights on, wifi for homework. Regulus occupied his thoughts at all times, protecting him was Sirius’s only priority these days. He didn’t have time for anything else. Not his friends, not his interests, not music. Nothing could come between his focus and his brother’s wellbeing, because if it did, Sirius would never forgive himself. The consequences were too dire. So instead, he just wished for downtime that wouldn’t come, and prayed for the weekend to approach even faster. 

The weekend, when he could finally sleep again, albeit not well. The weekend, when he had the time to take a breath, even if it was only brief. Because his weekends were also spent finding ways to better equip his apartment for his younger brother, going to long grocery runs so Regulus had lunch to take to school, meal prepping all of the things he couldn’t bring himself to eat for dinner. He was definitely tired of all of the ways his mind was spiraling out, he didn’t have the time. He didn’t fault Regulus for it, it wasn’t the teen's presence in his life that was causing all this stress. It really was his own fault. A bit of crying at that first hearing had given Walburga and Orion the satisfaction of a victory over him at that first hearing, and they seemed to crave more of that chaos. They wanted to watch their children suffer, and this was how they chose to do that. So instead he spiraled in the privacy of his own home, because he could practically hear the words they burned into his mind whenever he saw them, and feel the ache of old beatings. 

But it was only Thursday, and that meant he still had to do this all day, and  then get berated by the rest of the team for not attending their weekly bonding happy hour. If he was lucky,  no  one would ask him to go. He knew he should be less terrified of them asking, most of the people on his team were his friends. There was simply the question of Remus, and Sirius didn’t have the time to be thinking about him in the first place. 

He didn’t have time to think about  the way his hair curled just the right way to fall into his eyes when he slept, or the way his caramel freckles made him look sunkist. He didn’t have time to think about the  pink scars that ran down Remus’s face or how they got there. He definitely didn;’t have time to think of the comfort  of his hand combing through Sirius’s own mop of unruly curls. So instead, he needs to  put  all of that out  of his mind. It wasn’t going to help him do well at work. It wasn’t going to solve his problems. He didn’t have the  time for this, nor did he have the emotional bandwidth. Perhaps that was why Sirius was conveniently avoiding the idea that he had asked Remus on a date. With some luck, Remus would think he was just an asshole who ghosted him. That was definitely complicated by the fact that they worked together, that he couldn’t just disappear. He wanted to, he really did, because there was simply no time. 

He set up his deliverables as though he had made tons of them, because his employment in this company  rode on it. Just two months ago, he was pegged to be promoted within the next two cycles, and now he could barely hold on to his sanity enough to handle his workload. He was so fucking tired, and he had so much on his plate. He needed to mentally prepare himself for the long day of meetings ahead of him. He had no true motivation to do his job right now, all he knew was that his exhaustion was no excuse. He knew that his boss, Alice, was giving him a whole lot of leeway right now. She was probably doing more than she should to help him. Being a mentor on the senior design team didn’t mean she needed to keep tabs on his personal life and pick up his slack. 

“Sirius–” 

When Sirius focused back into the meeting he was calling into, it occurred to him that they’re talking to him. So he did what he always did, blamed it on a shoddy connection. 

“Oh, sorry, can you repeat that? My audio cut out.” 

“Remus was saying that some of  the poems could probably use illustrations, and he was wondering if you had any ideas on which ones needed it.” 

“Thanks, Peter.” Sirius was glad that he knew the people on this team, that Peter and James were as close to him as anyone could be. Because otherwise, he’d probably be fucked. 

“So I was looking through them, and I was thinking Bite, Magick, and Love I could probably use larger scale illustrations. But at the same time, we don’t want to crowd the book. How attached are you to the current order or page arrangement?” 

It felt too close, but he was lucky that he had at least read the titles of some of the poems in the first half of the book. Sirius knew Remus didn’t actually know what his level of involvement was. He thought it was just doodles, but Sirius would be responsible for presenting everything from kearning and font choice within the pages, to illustration and cover art to the design team. He was integral to the success of this book as a product, and he  needed to start acting like it. 

“I’m pretty attached.” Remus sounded cold to Sirius, and he wondered what exactly he had done wrong in this meeting. And yet, he didn’t have time to think on it. He needed to keep things moving, keep getting valuable information out of the author. Hook up be damned, Sirius needed this book to actually get off the ground. 

 “Okay, well we should get a meeting on the calender to discuss. What poems and what scale of illustrations you want–” 

“Shouldn’t you be deciding what the illustrations look like and the logistics of those. Isn’t that what you  get paid for?” Remus really wasn’t making this easy on Sirius. But he had dealt with bigger demons and divas then whatever this attitude was. So he put on a light and airy smile, one they’d never know didn’t reach his eyes over the low quality webcam and nodded. 

“If you’d like to take a hands off approach with the design work, that can absolutely be arranged. But in the case of a fledgling project with a new author, the design team, myself included, really hope to prioritize your artistic license so that we can get a better sense of your vision for your literature, should Quill move forward with other publications in the future.  We can provide a completely in-house service, with as much input as you feel necessary during the design process, and deliver collateral towards the end of the project when final edits are done, if you would prefer, Mister Lupin.” 

Sirius practically wanted to scream. He needed Remus to stop fucking with his job, with his livelihood. He couldn’t lose this project. He needed all of the billable hours he could get if he was going to justify the overtime he needed in order to provide for his brother. This was ridiculous. But his clinical and polite answer must have thrown Remus, because he didn’t get much more attitude out of him. The back and forth had ended. So instead, Sirius pulled up his deliverables for the week, which included new iterations for the covers, and twelve illustrations for the three poems he had mentioned. 

He noticed the way Remus looked at his drawings, like he was pained by whatever his thoughts were, and Sirius wants to scream that he’s under no obligation to think that they’re good. But then he remembers that Remus seemed to be nitpicking on purpose, based on his critique of the design system itself. Sirius didn’t have the time to deal with that level of petty, just because he hadn’t been answering. He was too busy. He had too much on his plate. So instead he continues his presentation. 

“I don’t like any of these. Maybe you should start over.” Remus sounded vindictive, even mean. Like he was doing this out of spite.  Sirius could feel his heart drop in that moment. He didn’t want to start over. He didn’t have the time. 

“What do you not like about them?” Sirius is trying to salvage his work while he can. 

“The vibe is off.”

“Oh, is there something specific that throws it off or...” Sirius trailed off, wondering what exactly he needed to change. 

“No, it’s the whole thing. All of them are just off.” 

Sirius needed to think quick on his feet. He didn’t have the time to start from scratch, so he pulled up his original thumbnails that he had discussed with Remus. 

“These are the original sketches we discussed. I moved forward with the ones we talked about. I’m happy to rework those sketches,” no, he wasn’t. “But if there’s another sketch that you think would fit your vision better, please let me know.” He felt like he was pleading with Remus not to hate his artwork. He’d be a liar if he said it wasn’t a blow to his self esteem to hear that everything that he did was bad. 

“No, I would suggest you start over.” 

Sirius nodded, his mind immediately whirring with ways he could start over and re-design this project. He really didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to do hundreds of thumbnails to get set on thirty, only to be destroyed in a meeting again. Especially when Remus seemed so excited about all of his illustrations before the meetings. It felt like too much. He didn’t have the energy for this kind of behavior. 

Luckily, Marlene directed the conversation away from Sirius’s work. The rest of the call went on without a hitch, like the only person who’s work Remus had a problem with was Sirius’s. He knew that it was more likely for Remus to have a problem with him, because design work was usually something an artist thought of as easy; however, this felt calculated and cold. If Sirius had been avoiding Remus before, it definitely wasn’t about to get better. So instead, he listened to the end of the meeting, and started the project all over again. He could do this. It was an unremarkable critique. It didn’t matter.