#Platonic love is as beautiful and valid as romantic love

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Remus realized then that he had fallen in love with the three boys. His boys. The Marauders.

Remus loved James and his happiness. He loved the way he brought light into this world without any effort. His bright smile. The amount of love he had for others. Remus loved the way he felt special when he was with James. How he could easily forget about his problems or think he was invincible next to James. It was an honor to be his friend, to be called one of his boys. To be included into his plans and mischief.

Remus loved Peter's silent understanding. The way Peter was genuinely amazing without even realizing. He was actually funny without trying. Remus felt heard with Peter. He was a really good friend. He knew things, he noticed things, he understood. He didn't question things. He was good listening and good giving a little piece of advice. It was comforting to have him around. Remus liked his presence, his soft smile and intense blue eyes that knew it all. Remus felt warm when he hugged Peter.

And there was Sirius. The love Remus felt for Sirius was different. It included a desire not only physical but also of a certain type of closeness he wanted only with him. Remus had loved Sirius since forever. He stored that boy in his heart like a precious diamond. Sirius made him feel many things that included butterflies on his belly, adrenaline through his body, and joy to see him smile. Remus craved for his lips and his touch. But also learn all his secrets. The intimate act of knowing him more than anyone in the world. Remus wanted to belong with Sirius and Sirius to belong with him. Remus loved his charm, his sense of justice, his rebellious side. He was thrill to explore new things and get to discover new places. Sirius was the boy of his dreams, the love of his life. Remus loved him differently (romantically) but it didn't mean it was more or less intense than the way he loved the others.

Remus had learn what real friendship looked like with these boys. He had discovered what a true family looked like. Nobody had accepted him so easily, took care of him so easily and loved him so easily without wanting anything in exchange. What was he supposed to do with that? Becoming part of The Marauders had been like falling in love. Remus loved his friends more than anyone else in the world. And now that he was part of something like this, the Marauders family, he never wanted to get out. He didn't want this love to end.

[sapphosboy]

The thing about Doctor Who is that nobody’s doing platonic soulmates like they are. Especially with angry redheaded women. Like the Doctor and Donna are the most spot on example of platonic soulmates. ​Tied together by destiny. They love each other so unfathomably much, devoted, would die for each other no hesitation, all without an ounce of romance. Amy Pond being the first face the Eleventh Doctor saw, and him telling her, “you’re the first face this face saw, and you are seared onto my hearts, Amelia Pond, and you always will be.” and her appearing to him right as he’s about to regenerate. 

[gaygayhomesexualgay]

i LOVE trans women!!

masculine ones, feminine ones, androgynous ones, the lesbians, the closeted ones, the eggs, the pre t ones, the pocs, IDC!!!!

I LOVE TRANS WOMEN!!!!

[pikp0kcas3]

The Hazbin Hotel fandom’s issue with accepting aromanticism and asexuality

Now that it is officially Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, I want to talk about this!

I find that, as an aroace myself, I am constantly grasping at good representation and coming up empty— it usually ends up in one of two ways.

One: the character is portrayed as emotionless, cold, and robotic in nature. It’s the question aromantic and/or asexual people are often asked: “Are you heartless?” The answer is no, of course, but general media makes it out to be the opposite.

Or two: Their lack of attraction is seen as something to “fix” because they “haven’t found the right one yet”, and they end up with a partner as a “happy ending”.

It frustrates me greatly because of how little people actually see aromanticism or asexuality as a true part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

So when I watched Hazbin Hotel, and I found out about Alastor being aroace, I was over the moon. I was on cloud nine. I also saw how his voice actor has looked up the term as an attempt to learn about aroaces, which makes me OVERJOYED?? Amir is truly a blessing, and I love that he’s proud to embody a character that’s part of our community. It’s so beautiful to finally have a proper character, a fan favorite at that, who just so happens to be aroace— and that’s another thing I love about this.

It’s never explicitly stated in the show (though it is stated in interviews), but it’s rather clear when you’re watching, isn’t it? Alastor’s aversion to any sort of sexual advancement, coupled with Rosie’s blatant “I know you’re an ace in the hole” comment sort of spell out his asexuality pretty clearly, as well as what side of the spectrum he falls upon. In addition, his Valentine’s day card was strictly platonic, which caters to his aromantic side. It feels so validating to finally be represented, to finally have a character in media who shares the same lack of interest in romance and sex as I do.

When I entered the fandom to look for more content, I kind of expected to see the same respect for Alastor’s orientation there too. But that… wasn’t the case? I am fully aware that aromanticism and asexuality are both spectrums— of course, aromantic and/or asexual people can enter those kinds of relationships. I’m not denying that and they belong in the community as much as anyone else on the spectrum.

But, the more I see the same line again and again and again, the more it feels like an excuse to just ship what you want.

Usually I don’t mind shipping? I’m often a firm believer in people shipping what they like as long as it’s harmless and they don’t go crazy over it. I also know for a fact that Viv doesn’t have a problem with people shipping her characters. They are fictional, after all.

But in this case, people are ignoring the very thing that makes Alastor a part of the aroace community! People are ignoring his lack of romantic or sexual attraction!

Is this not the same as changing a gay character’s orientation to suit a straight ship? If not, how so? I’m told that we are a part of this community, so why aren’t we being treated like it? Why is it so hard to accept the people on the end of the spectrum who aren’t interested?

Something I’ve been noticing throughout my life is that society has not exactly progressed very much on the idea of accepting asexual or aromantic identities. Maybe we have, a little, since the old days— but hell, people in “the old days”, which in truth wasn’t very long ago, believed that asexuality was a medical condition to be “fixed” by taking the right medication or having sex. That’s a pretty low bar to clear. And on the romance side, you’re seen as a “late bloomer” or “boring” if you don’t express interest. These days, being friends with someone is treated like a gateway to them possibly becoming a lover. Not getting married, not going on dates, not wanting a partner— it’s all treated like a crime when it’s not.

Maybe I’m selfish, or sensitive, or I’m butthurt over nothing, or I’m making it all about me. Maybe I’m gatekeeping or whatever the term is. But please, please, please, I just want an aroace character like me who simply is not interested in sex or romance.

And I want fandom to respect that. I admire the creations that fans make— the art, the animatics, the writing and the character analysis. And I want people to keep creating because creation is indeed a beautiful thing.

But I really would like people to treat aroace identities like they’re important. Like it’s more than just a spectrum to get wiggle room to wrangle in another ship.

[random-human-being2311]

i hate the stereotype that ALL aroaces are loveless because like.. no??

Loveless people are amazing and extremely valid, but I'm certainly not one of them.

I personally am extremely aroace and extremely loving. God was like "ah shit we forgot to put romantic and sexual attraction in this mf let's just platonically supercharge them to make up for it".

And to me personally, my aroace identity goes hand in hand with my being extremely platonically loving. The two aren't opposing forces, they're joined hand in hand, interwoven through each other to make a beautiful patterned fabric filled with many different beautiful colours.

My best friends are the loves of my life. They're my platonic soulmates. I would want to spend the rest of my life with them. I adore everything about them, and try to help their best side shine through so that everyone else can see their wonderful glimmer. I could spent eternity hanging out with my best friends and never run out of social energy because I don't have to attempt to conform or hide the weirder shades of my personality. Just being around them is so easy and freeing and just always fills me with such joy.

But oh, because I don't want to kiss them it's not real love and somehow less meaningful than romance???

Fuck off, amatonormativity.

(THIS POST IS NOT TO BE USED AGAINST LOVELESS AROACES IN ANY WAY, EVER. YOU GUYS ARE VALID, YOU'RE ICONIC AND YOU NEED MORE APPRECIATION. SENDING INFINITE GOOD VIBES YOUR WAY.)

[edelgarfield]

i love shadowgast, i think their journey together learning how to be better people & healing is beautiful.

but nothing annoys me more than when Caleb gets all the credit for Essek's redemption arc, or when Essek's relationship with Caleb is automatically placed on a pedestal above his friendship with the rest of the Mighty Nein.

because it is straight up untrue. it wasn't even Caleb that did most of the legwork reaching out to Essek, it was Jester. Yes, their magic lessons, and Caleb's understanding went a long way towards showing Essek that he could change, but Jester was the one who consistently and repeatedly reached out to him. I am of the firm belief that without Jester, the Mighty Nein would never have gotten past Essek's initial standoffishness.

And furthermore, Caleb was Essek's friend first. I don't think it's ever been confirmed, but IMO most of Essek's initial attraction to Caleb was 1) academic 2) performative, and any genuine physical or romantic attraction didn't start developing until post-reveal. I'm not even convinced Essek was romantically interested in Caleb, or at least able to identify it as such, by the END of the campaign. Essek values Caleb primarily as a friend and any romance on top of that is a bonus.

Essek's relationship with Caleb is not inherently more important than his friendship with the rest of the Mighty Nein just because they're dating. He loves all of them, and expresses that multiple times at the end of CR2. It was their friendship that changed him, not his interest in Caleb. Caleb values the Mighty Nein's friendship more than whatever budding romance he had with Essek. Essek's entire life doesn't, nor should it revolve around Caleb! Caleb is an important part, yes, but he values and needs the love he receives from the rest of the Mighty Nein just as much.

As someone who's aro/ace-spectrum and has little to no interest in romance, every time I see Essek's relationship to the Mighty Nein reduced to his relationship with Caleb, it feels like a slap in the face. It validates my deepest fear that I'm just an accessory in my friends' lives, and that no matter how much I love them or what I do for them, I'm inevitably going to be discarded when someone they want to date comes along.

People will watch 500+ hours of a show that emphasizes over and over the importance of friendship and platonic love then turn around and reduce it to romance alone.

[mapoeggplant]

skip to loafer and the "i love you as a person" message

skip to loafer general spoilers

one thing that i'll always be very grateful of skip to loafer is really how they highlight so much the "i love you as a person" mindset — and how that is present in all the narrative, not only on shima and mitsumi's relationship.

this is not only important for the story's target audience, but it also opens the door to a discussion about the value of platonic relationships, which are often "denied" because they are not as "important" as romantic love. and this happens not only when mistumi tells shima that she will like him no matter what happens or who he is — the message spreads to other characters as well.

one of the examples i love most is the moment mika confesses to shima. throughout the chapter, all of her insecurities are exposed and she tirelessly hurt herself saying things like how she doesn't deserve to have someone who likes her in any way (a reflection of the way she was treated throughout her adolescence). this dissolves when shima refuses to throw away the valentine's gift she made especially for him and thanks her for all the care she took with it — an affirmation that her hard work has been recognized and appreciated. this shows mika that she is a person who deserves love and to be valued. for the first time, mika understands that she is being seen as a person, as someone who deserves to be treated well and be recognized.

i know that many people must be thinking that there was an intention for a romantic development in this scene and yes, i agree. after all, mika went to him to confess her feelings. but the way in which the scene was handled makes me think that being seen as a valid person to have feelings was worth much more to her than having her romantic feelings reciprocated — and this, in my opinion, comes back to prominence in chapter 54, when nao, once again, recognizes her pain and connects with it (the appreciation of the "self" when you find someone who understands where you’re hurt).

(...)

(this part wasn't included on the original analysis, but later on I decided to add:

oh my god i was so focused on some very specific scenes for mika that this one slipped my mind and i feel so bad for that! this moment is one of the most important for mika’s development and it also highlight the first time she was seen as a person (by no other than nao). since that day, mika holds nao to a very important place in her heart. i feel that she, at that time, said exactly what mika needed to hear to feel validated and to feel comfortable enough to just go back and spend the night with the girls. if it wasn’t for nao at that time, mika would probably go home and regret ever making this decision — and this ties directly to chapter 54.)

(...)

the second character i want to talk about is yuzuki and all the times he had his identity erased thanks to other people's selfishness.

since the opening of chapter 38, yuzuki talks about how she was always seen as someone whose time was numbered: there was a countdown until the day she achieved "true beauty" and began to be an object of desire, no longer a person. this not only happens thanks to the disgusting adult men that surround you, but also thanks to the friends she tried to make in middle school, one of the most important times of a child’s life, phase where they are beginning to recognize themselves as a person.

yuzuki is simply seen as a object of status to the boys in her class, while to the girls, she’s someone who was only interested in "diminishing others with her beauty" — something she never did, but never even had the chance to defend herself. 

Thanks to that, yuzu is forced to grow up without having an identity of her own, but one forced on her, causing her to rebel and refuse to open up to new people. she had her feelings denied, being defended only when there was a sexual/romantic interest in the mix and forced to believe that she was being selfish for denying such a privilege of being "spoiled" and "admired" by everyone, all the time.

yuzu gets her chance to be valued as a person when she enters high school and meets mitsumi and the other girls. she is, for the first time, seen as a person, seen as a yuzuki, seen as someone who has the right to impose herself and be selfish, something she has never been able to be before. her feelings are not diminished or seen as "not valid enough” but most importantly: she’s finally heard. 

and then, i think we have one of the most important “i love you like a person” moment: the breakup chapter. chapter 46 is a huge twist to skip to loafer’s romantic narrative, which i myself appreciate a lot. kind of a personal twist here, but it’s a breath of fresh air for someone like me, a demi girl, who always had a little trouble with understanding love when i was their age — and now, basically ten years later, mitsumi’s words not only reached shima, but it also reached me and other thousands of readers who needed to hear something like that.

but well, let’s get back on track. chapter 46 is one of the first times we see shima talking about his past relationship with other people and going a little more in-depth with his relationship with his mom. the core message of it all and the core line that guides all of his personal connections is very simple and highlight why shima have so many trust issues: no one ever saw him as a person, but only as a status object, as someone who was there to be used for their own benefit. shima was used by his mother when she forced him to keep on acting, was used by his peers in a situation a little similar with yuzuki (ofc not completely equal, because we need to remember that gender roles also have a huge influence on how both stories developed (see ririka, for exemple. i have a whole thread on her as well, but this is another topic), when both felt like they were nothing but puppets to the ones around him. 

when shima is sitting by mitsumi’s side, he starts to wonder if he really deserves all of that, if he really deserves someone like mitsumi near him. he doesn’t understand his feelings as a whole, because he was never given the opportunity to really explore them and try to dissect it all — this is brought up once again on chapter 53, when he starts to discuss with mukai what it means to love someone in a romantic way (and why loving them as a person isn’t enough on society’s eyes). 

he’s not, at any point, using mitsumi or making fun of her feelings. imagine if you were never allowed to think for yourself and then, suddenly, you have the freedom to do so. how does one express something they never had? how does one understand what it means to have a feeling, any feeling, if all they ever felt was guilt?

and that’s when the bigger bomb hits the scene: mitsumi, seeing how troubled he is, shows how important he is and how she values him as a person. it might seem silly to a lot of people, but just hearing someone saying “i will always like you as a person, no matter who you end up being” when all you ever heard in your life was how useless you were, makes you whole world crumble on the spot. he was seen, he was heard, he was understood. mitsumi valued him to the point of assuring him that a romantic relationship wasn’t more important than the platonic one they had. isn’t that beautiful?

to finish it off, i think the conversation the girls have on chapter 57 is also extremely important to the narrative and to the overall message. by not wanting the girls to see shima in a terrible light, mitsumi is, once again, putting their relationship as friends above any other romantic relationship they could have. she shows how much she values him and how much he is important to her — she sees shima as a person, not as an object. 

and then, makoto comes to picture with a beautiful speech about how loving someone (any kind of love, not one or another) is to hope that they are happy, content, being taking care of and being comfortable with their own feelings. by forcing someone to feel anything you selfish want, you’re not valuing them as a person with their own feelings and insecurities, but only seeing them as a way to satisfy yourself.

of course, i’m not here to defend everyone and say that they never hurt anyone. yes, shima did hurt mitsumi and she still not completely over it, but she’s way worried with losing him as a friend than forcing something out of a relationship that both don’t feel very comfortable with. mitsumi herself is also someone who is slowly understanding her feelings and understanding what it means to love romantically — but never putting the platonic side aside, since there is no right way to love someone.

thank you so much for reading!! i hope i was clear about the points i was trying to bring up, but i'm always open to discussion!!! 💛

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

One of the main things I really love about Supernatural is how it takes a platonic/fraternal relationship and parallels it with romantic relationships over and over again to show that it is just as committed and pure and true a form of love and devotion. The show validates and holds up non-sexual relationships as worthy of ripping the fabric of reality apart for. It says that while you may, personally have problems with your brother, you are still certain that he is the best and most important person in the entire universe and it's vitally important that he remain a part of it. It says that your soulmate may very well be your annoying brother, and that's 100% good and beautiful and here is an epic 15 year long love story to immortalize it.

[ukiyowi]

Mini PAC III

Notes: Please check out the Masterlist for more! Reblogging and paid readings help a lot! Pls DM me if you want one!

Messages from your higher self (repost)

Pile 1

"Whenever you make a decision, you know how it will end don't you? You have all the conclusions already laid out about every situation you've ever been in, has that ever helped? Things come to an end but would you want things to go another way? I hope not, because otherwise you wouldn't be who you are today"

Pile 1, I feel like you're regretting something, the end of a chapter maybe one that was very important, maybe you're going to college next year or you're starting a new job, or maybe you're moving houses, either way your higher self-assures you that whatever you do, don't move forward with regret in your heart.

For some of you there may have been a romantic relationship that ended and the weight of that break-up is still heavy on your mind, manifesting itself physically, draining your energy, exhausting you. Your higher self is telling you to cherish the times andmemories you had with that person, people change and so do circumstances but thosememories won't.

Pile 2

"Playing the devil's advocate won't get you, his throne. You need to be more mindful of what you say. Have you been getting frequent headaches lately? Clear your surroundings and meditate it should help, also please drink water. You shine so bright then why do you fear the dark? It won't harm you if you accept it."

Have you been feeling simultaneously distressed yet exceedingly happy lately pile 2? It happens, your higher self is telling you that you're being pulled in two directions so choose the one that makes you exceedingly happy and unsuccess will follow. You already have everything you need, you *are* everything you need.

All the good things that you dream about and run after are right there all you need to do is open your eyes and look. Your higher self is encouraging you to be more comfortable in your own company, you don't need people around you constantly to validate you, you don't lneed external validation.

Pile 3

"The world isn't yours to hold nor is it yours to heal. Start asking for more and you shall receive it, especially when it comes to clarity. You can't be everyone's number 1 and that's okay, everyone has their own match, just because you're not first doesn't make you any less valuable as a person, don't let it affect your self-worth. Pretending to love someone won't make you love them, fake it till you make it doesn't apply here."

Oof pile 3 so many messages coming through here. I also got a song for you, "Beautiful Feeling" by Day6. I'm getting a lot of love messages for this pile, your higher self similarly to pile 2 encourages you to focus more on yourself, whilst focusing on platonic relationships around you. Nothing will ever satisfy you if you look through a lens of despair at everything. Even if 3 of your cups have fallen, you still have two left. Your higher self is telling you to completely feel your feelings, negative ones too but not to wallow because that won't have a positive impact.

Don't try to copy other people because everyone's unique, you're your own person and people appreciate and adore you for that. Your higher self also gives a message regarding blue butterflies and how if or when you see them, you should remember that they are right by your side. October may be an important month for you as well.

[bunniesbearsandadventures]

Fact:

People who enjoy sex are valid

People who do not enjoy sex are valid

People who want to be in a romantic relationship are valid

People who do not want to be in a romantic relationship are valid

People who just want to be friends/have platonic relationships are valid

People who are in polyamorous relationships are valid

People who just want to be with themselves/want to find love in themselves are valid

Y'all are valid and amazing and beautiful.

💿‧₊✧🥣༉‧₊˚🗞️꒷꒦ .💿‧₊✧🥣༉‧₊˚🗞️꒷꒦ .

[arany-studio]

Are Kanej asexuals?

While we celebrate LGBTQIA+ Pride in the Grishaverse, let's discuss a matter that is not always well understood, but often spoken about in the fandom - are Kanej asexuals?

Trigger warning for talk of sexuality, trauma, PTSD and past sexual abuse.

According to asexuals.fandom.com, the asexuality spectrum is an umbrella term that applies to people who feel little to no sexual attraction and includes such micro labels as asexual, aroace, graysexual, demisexual, aegosexual, apothisexual, fraysexual, aceflux, cupiosexual, orchidsexual or caedosexual. A-spec is a term that can include all of the above.

A little known fact about asexuality is that it is different from libido (or sexual desire). Asexuality is a sexual orientation that relates to attraction, but asexuals can have either high or low libido, which is not directed at anyone in particular. Also, asexuals can have sex for many reasons that are not related to sexual attraction, such as to please their partners, to relax or for pleasure and they are no less asexuals, but it's also important to mention that the majority of people that identify as a-spec do not include sex in their lives.

Asexuality is a spectrum and the opposite of allosexuality, which refers to people who often experience sexual attraction.

An often unknown label under the asexual umbrella is caedosexual.  This includes people who once identified as allosexual, but later on identified on the asexual spectrum because of trauma. It was feared that inclusion of this flag under asexuality would further feed the prejudice that all asexuals are like this because of  trauma, but this has been disproven. Only caedosexuals are so because of trauma, not the other a-specs.

Now let's see what we know about Kanej. Both Kaz and Inej have gone through horrific experiences in their childhood and puberty respectively, and their resulting traumas are affecting how they engage with their sexualities in their teen years. Their desire to heal fluctuates. Sometimes Kaz thinks that Inej could never be truly his and Inej thinks that they might be better off with their armors intact and at other times Inej appreciates that they have tried to be close and wishes they could try again and Kaz fights his demons in order to hold her hand. Fact is, the caedosexuals I have spoken to have said that Kaz and Inej can choose to work towards separating their traumas from their sexualities in the future, or they can choose not to and they are valid either way. So what could be safely said is that Kanej are likely caedosexuals in SoC + CK timeline, although that could change in the future.

But the discussion of whether Kaz and Inej fall under the asexual spectrum is more complex than that and in the fandom you can often find fans arguing either that they provide much needed representation to asexuals or on the contrary, that they are very eager to heal and have an intimate relationship. But let's not forget that libido is different from attraction and there are many asexuals with high libido, so the question here is what type of attraction do Kaz and Inej experience?

The media that we consume is largely amatonormative, meaning that it assumes that all humans pursue love of a romantic and sexual nature, but a less known fact is that attraction can take many more forms than we were led to believe by such media. Attraction is sexual when a person wants to have sex with another, romantic when they desire to engage in romantic activities, aesthetic when they think someone is beautiful, sensual when they desire non-sexual physical closeness (such as nonromantic cuddles and kisses), platonic when they want to be friends with someone or queerplatonic (alterous) when someone desires a committed relationship with a partner that is in between platonic and romantic in nature. Other types of attraction are familial, emotional, intellectual or spiritual. 

For example, it is quite clear that Inej doesn't feel spiritual attraction towards Kaz's lack of faith in saints, but she does feel intellectual attraction towards his brilliant mind. And though Kaz might cover his feelings under "economic" attraction (joking), the question here is under what type of attraction do Kaz's and Inej's feelings for each other fall under. Fact is, if allosexuals view Kaz and Inej through their lense they can easily think that they feel sexual and romantic attraction for each other, but if asexuals view them from their lense instead, what Kanej feel might very well be queerplatonic, sensual or aesthetic attraction that for one or both of them isn't sexual or romantic in nature. For example some people view Kaz's interest in Imogen as a challenge and his desire to have an intimate connection with Inej as wanting to please her and they argue that Kaz has been "content" on his own for so long, plotting his revenge and Barrel dominion, that he might well be asexual or demisexual. Many other people view Inej's famous line "I'll have you without armor" to be related to trust solely, whereas others view it as being both about intimacy and trust. And let's not forget the many voices that appreciate Kanej for showing how people can love each other deeply even when they don't have sex. The truth is that we don't know for sure where Kanej fall on the spectrum of attraction, the text is beautifully vague in that regard, but the many varied interpretations about Kanej show that what meets the eye is not always a person's inner experience.

To sum up, the one thing that is almost certain about Kaz and Inej is that in book time, their traumas influence their experience of sexuality, likely setting them under the a-spec umbrella as caedosexuals. This may or may not change in the future, depending on their desire and capacity to heal, but Kanej are valid either way. As regards to how Kanej might identify were they to heal from their traumas, many interpretations about the way they feel attraction or lack of it are possible, setting them as either allosexual, demisexual or asexual. The beauty of book Kanej is that they are written in such a subtle way that they provide representation to a wide range of people and that's why we love them so much!

[nightgoodomens]

You know, I’ve been thinking redarding Michael and David and why some people are fine with platonic love but once we say it might as well be romantic they go bonkers. Why? Love is love, valid in any of its beautiful forms. I don’t understand this. Smells like homophobia, no?

That’s all it is, yes. They’re doing mental gymnastics but that’s all it is, queer is fine when it’s fictional, not real, and for many, not even when it’s fictional.

[wa-kaizen]

Your Good Qualities | PAC PT 1

Hello beautiful people, if you are the type of person that gets uncomfortable by praises and people being kind to you this PAC is not for you! I will tell you everything good about you, because like everything in life, you do have both bad and good in you. Think of yin and yang! Last time you saw your yins and now you will see your yang. Also, I realised, hey, I might be a little too rude, so I would like to uplift my followers - and anyone reading this - ♡

If you wish to, you can tip or donate here. ♡

disc.: do not tip/donate if you have financial trauma, have a hard time with money or you need your money for better causes. You are never obligated to do this and I don't want any harm towards you. If you are sensitive about money, please just don't.

꒰ piles ꒱

→ 1 , 2 ,3

sections ༉˚

- basic good qualities

- what you don't see in yourself

- what others adore you for - platonic.

- what lovers see in you - feel free to skip if you are on the aro spectrum.

- what spirit guides love about you

pile one

anti-romantic

three of swords, nine of swords, the heirophant, ladybird, donkey, hyena, black dragon ‐ meditate, reflect, undergo metamorphosis, magenta dragon - awaken your soul memories and higher spiritual understanding. prepare for accelerated ascension, earth and fire dragon - it's time for service, when you give, you receive

basic good qualities.

Hello angels, I have an advice for this pile; please stop depending on the validation of others, not being like them doesn't mean you are any less beautiful.

selfless, kind, sweet, understanding, open minded, sensitive, very cute!, honest, empathetic, angelic face - ? -, ambitious, opinionated, passionate, diverse - personality wise, ex you can be cute but also hot -, caring, nurturing, very attentive

what you don't see in yourself

Sweetheart, there is a lot. I feel like you underestimate yourself, refuse to like yourself, to see all the good in you. You might think this because at some point you experienced either trauma related to bullying or abuse, which messed with your self esteem. I will not touch on that, as I would like to praise you. You are actually very beautiful, you might not be like x and y, or not act like z but I am getting an incredibly angelic energy from you. Do you have Libra, Pisces or Scorpio in your chart? Either way, you are really such a wonderful and kind soul. You always think of others and try to make them comfortable. Some of you might have a really different kind of playfulness to themselves than other's, maybe people around you look at it as rough even though you intend no harm. That doesn't mean you aren't kind? I think misunderstandings affect you a lot, so you think you aren't a caring or selfless person, you really are. Your energy is really beautiful and carries a lot of pain, it's hard to describe in words. It's like there is two sides to this pile. You are the sunlight after the rain, is what I heard, if that means anything to someone. You are lovely, fragile and you are a very sensitive person. Not in a bad way though. I am sorry, I keep trying to find the right words, it just seems hard because you are so unique! Ethereal? I guess, that's the right word. You are the golden tears on angels, you might seem harsh to others but your heart is full of love and wonders, full of curiosity. Don't let others take that away from you.

what others adore you for

You just make people so happy. Like, your smile makes them smile, your happiness rubs off on them, it stays with them. You have such a beautiful bright smile. You are a daydreamer, there is so much excitement and brightness in you!!!! Alright, so I think one half of the pile really loves pinks and girly stuff, the other is kind of into darker themes and could be like 'nah it's not me-' but it is! You are so full of life it makes other people happy!

Just being around you makes them excited for the day, you are playful and could have a bubbly personality. Even just doing the reading, your energy makes me happy pile one! You might think you are gloomy, or that you have a darker aura - which is possible - but regardless of that, whenever you enter a room you just make people so happy!

That feeling of 'ah, finally, we are about to have a good time.'

You truly are just someone that brights the space up.

Also, you could be very emotionally intelligent, understand people even if other people don't see why you would be kind to them, if they themselves don't see it, or think that they don't deserve justice. It's not that you are foolish, you just have a deeper understanding of how the human mind works is all. You see the good in other people even if they might not deserve it.

Of course, that does not mean that you are foolish and think everyone is good, you are quite confrontational, at least some of you.

So, you have your own opinions, but you are not blind to them, you see reality but also potential. I do think a lot of people adore you for it.

what lovers see in you

They love how generous you are is what I am seeing? You truly give your all in relationships, you don't just expect to receive and give nothing back. You might love the idea of '50/50'.

Also, you have that potential to make people daydream about you. You are so mysterious, they try to figure more and more things out about you.

I think the fact that your heart is wounded is attractive to many, so be cautious. People could try to use you for your past pain is what I am saying, take advantage of it.

Either way, bad intention or not, the focus seems to be on your heart, how kind, precious, generous and wonderful you are. For a lot of you, you could look somewhat distant while your personality is the complete opposite. I think this duality of yours is very attractive to many.

what spirit guides love about you

I can see them loving how far your abilities go, how well you are able to control them, especially your intuition. You are someone incredibly talented and lovely in their eyes, I can see you can do anything you want with good results, you just have to believe in yourself.

Also you are very curious about spirituality and aren't afraid to try out new things or correct someone if they do anything disrespectful, I can see a male figure is especially really proud of you for being able to do this, they look at you really fondly.

Do you ever practice any spiritual things in the dark? Such as meditating or communication with your guides? I can see that they watch over you doing it, and although worried for you, they are very trusting.

You are also able to listen to them really well, I can see that's also something they really adore you for. You don't push them away or refuse a connection just because you don't like hearing something, instead, you just keep on bettering yourself, which they really adore.

thank you for reading ♡

pile two

lo$er, lo♡er

knight of swords, the sun, four of pentacles, deer, donkey, cat, oneness, look for common humanity, invoke lemurian light, enter the magic, live in the now, size the moment, ascension flames, merge with light, ignite keys and codes

basic good qualities

confident - strong sense of leadership - smart - observant - non judgemental - good with advice - cool headed - child like - relaxed - bright - great personality - elegant? - graceful

what you don't see in yourself

There is a lot, pile two.

You have many good qualities, but are blind to them, simply because you are very protective of yourself, you have a hard time putting your guard down and being vulnerable.

You are kind, understanding and you are able to see though situations from two point of views, understanding everyone involved so you can find the most peaceful outcome to everyone involved.

Don't get me wrong, you definitely can be confrontational and be able to stand up for yourself, intimidate others, it's just that you are quite a chill person. That brings you many wonderful things in life you might not even be aware of.

You are also incredibly bright, kind, and funny, you just have a tendency to isolate yourself from others due to something that scares you a lot.

You have a hard time putting your guard down.

what others adore you for

You are very independent and cheerful is what I am saying, you know how to be responsible and realistic but without it "ruining the fun".

You probably had to "learn" this? Maybe some of you were bullied for being so childish, and also for being too serious. It's like people never could be happy.

So now you have learned how to please others? So, that's that.

Now onto the people that are actually deserving of your time!

I can see a lot of people looking at you as very intelligent in many ways, but especially money wise, you could be someone that's really good in saving up, or you just spend responsibly. They don't want to take advantage of you, they want to be like you, they adore you.

Also, you could be a very very realistic person, making you really mature. That is intimidating to some, but definitely very attractive, let that be platonic or not, people think you are very charming for the way you are, for the way you hold yourself. You just being yourself is really attention drawing, even if you might be a quite person. Of course, in a good way.

Some of you could be bit of a goofball? Like, you love to joke around, play and just be carefree. That does not take away from your maturity, just ads to it. For a lot of you, kids might really love you and want to play with you a lot!

Many people adore your patience when it comes to that.

Basically, you are the person a lot of people wish they could be.

what lovers see in you

Okay, so I see you have a hard time finding proper connections because you are very good looking but don't worry, I will touch on what people genuinely interested are attracted to!

You are able to go through hard times alone no matter what? You are able to overcome any obstacles you want with no issue even if it may concern or stress you out, it makes people want to help you, be there for you, be next to you.

Your personality is also very lovely. You could be like a child at times, which a lot of love interests adore.

No, not in a creepy way. They can just feel free next to you, feel like themselves, have no care in the world.

They know they won't be judged, neglected or taken advantage of. Being next to you is like a sense of euphoria, you make them feel happy again. It's the feeling of letting go of worries and being able to be a kid again for a few hours, it's the feeling of not worrying about problems because you are there for them to be their rock.

For the people that are in love with you, you are happiness.

what spirit guides love about you

Whenever they give you an opportunity, you take it! You don't dwell too much on things, even if you might have a broken heart. They also love taking care of you. You are a peaceful "child", they don't have troubles with you and you are very hardworking, always doing your best to work hard, to create yourself and others a good life. You are like a calm river, that's what they adore about you.

that's all that they wanted to say, however, if you dm me I could try asking for more if you are curious! ♡

thank you for reading ♡

pile three

you are special

the emperor, five of wands, the high priestess, rhinoceros, badger, bat, goat - act from your innate wisdom, bee - spread heart healing with joy, bear - use power with wisdom

basic good qualities

brave - wise - powerful - intelligent - calm - respectful - gentle - soft - joyous - healing aura - smart with decisions - friendly - self aware - kind - reliable - cute? - observant

what you don't see in yourself

A lot of you could feel like you need someone to romantically love you in order to have a full life, to be married and have kids... well, that is not true. You are enough beautiful on your own, you don't need other people to define your worth.

You are a very complete soul, I see a lot of wisdom and gentleness coming from you, I don't sense negativity.

You could have a tendency to be insecure about false things, to bully yourself.

I would like to ask you to focus on your positive traits, I promise you are doing great, everything you are insecure about is either related to over worry or so. I know overcoming them is hard, but you are doing wonderful.

You remind me of angel spirit guides, your soul is very gentle and loving.

what others adore you for

That you always end up creating something wonderful from whatever situation you are in - let that be positive or not.

You are incredibly calm, the calmest out of all piles. Maybe you have an 'I don't care, I will live through this' attitude? So you just go around worry free, solving your problems with ease, a level head, keeping yourself grounded.

I do think this is surprising to some because they are so impressed. Because guess what? You always end up just fine, you always do your best, you don't pressure yourself. At least most of you.

Also, you do not allow anyone to waste your time or to fool you, you are mature enough just to move on and respect yourself.

You just don't let fears get the best of you. You are like a fairy maybe? You remind me of Tinker Bell

what lovers see in you

I am so sorry, don't read this if you are uncomfortable, but they are so attracted to your body it drives them crazy.

Maybe romantic interests are so obsessed with you they start making up their own narrative about you?

They fantasy a lot, and when they actually get to know you on a deeper level it's like they have been hit with a rock called reality.

However, I can see they adore the real you more than whatever they could ever think of.

You stun them, you amaze them, you make their heart beat fast like crazy.

You are a dream wrapped in a cloth of silk presented as a gift to them, if that makes sense. They adore you in everything you have to offer.

You have this tendency to make people obsessed with you. Whoever is in love with you, or is interested in you in the slightest becomes a better person just by loving you.

It's a very unique experience, you teach people a lot without even knowing.

what spirit guides love about you

This pile is very hard to read, but!

They do love how hard working you are!

You always surprise them by how good of a human you are also? That you don't let things get to you, yet you are still very protective of yourself.

Unfortunately that's all, if you are curious of more you can always dm me or watch out for the second part of this pac incase you will feel more attracted to a pile there! thank you for reading ♡

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

happy ineffable valentine's day, loves.

Happy Valentine's Day, maggots of mine :") I made this card for you all.

The song The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel was chosen for the Aziraphale and Crowley's Heavenly Playlist by Neil.

And, well... tell me those aren't the most beautiful lyrics for them ever.

The book of life? The book of love. Written very long ago... before the beginning. Look at them. Look at you. Gorgeous.

So here's wishing you all a very ineffable Valentine's Day, the first one I've looked forward to in four years. And it's because of our two beloved idiots and because of you all.

All kinds of love, romantic, platonic, aesthetic, familial. For the world, for your favourite humans, for your pets, for the universe, for the stars, for stories.

And if you don't feel love, that's perfectly valid, too. Have a beautiful day all the same.

I love you all, so ineffably much, it's insane.

Asmi

[kuekyuuq]

Supercorp - Rehashing the Fallout once more

Today's menu: Kara Danvers' Double-Standards.

I am rewatching Supergirl, and it occurred to me why I am with Lena on the "you lied to me" point. (Not the brain-wash the planet or taking a year to get over herself and realize her own - horrible - mistakes parts, though.) Not because of the lie itself or its content, but its context with Kara's very own history!

Let's take a walk...

In the pilot Kara gets mad at Alex for her having kept her double-life as a DEO agent secret from her.

Kara is utterly disappointed and distraught at the secrets her parents kept from her (Medusa, Myriad), some of which affected her directly (Krypton's impending destruction).

Kara finds out that James is Guardian before he told her and she was pretty upset, explains it's because they are humans throwing themselves into danger.

When J'onn explains to Kara how bonded Martians share their minds, Kara expresses how she thinks the “no secrets, no lies” sounds “beautiful”.

Kara ends their relationship with Mon-El over him lying about his true identity (and him being the Prince of a cruel society), ignoring him when he said he tried several times to tell her. When Mon-El let himself into Kara's apartment to apologize, he BEGS for forgiveness

but Kara says she deserved better than being lied to… Yes, she secretly forgave him at this point but still breaks up with him (Rhea told her to do so) and cries over it.

Music Meister teaches Kara (and Barry): “Love is about letting yourself be saved, it's not just about saving other people.”

Trust.

Lillian tells Kara, she doesn't need to spill SG's identity, because when Lena FINDS OUT, it'll be so much worse.

(And Lillian was SO on point!)

When Kara and Clark spar and have a heart-to-heart, Kara wonders if she can have it all, Clark assures her about the most important people make keeping the secret worth it and how letting (only) those important people in IS enough. Later, asked the same questions, Cat tells Kara that women have the guts to be vulnerable, lists her accomplishments.

Kara does not take Lena possessing some of Lex's Kryptonite nor the whole Sam/Reign-secret kept from her well. Gets even angrier when Lena creates her own Kryptonite (in her quest to fight/cure Reign …and cancer and other human ailments).

Or Mon-El hesitating to tell and keeping from Kara about his time-travelling, marriage and his actual mission…

That is up until mid-s03 and not even counting the many times how the show also taught us through Alex', J'onns and Lena's lenses that lying and pretending to be someone one is not to those important/close to oneself, is harmful to their (romantic and platonic) relationships and themselves.

Do I need to go on?

...Kara is clearly fully aware at that point that secrets (even her own) do not bode well in any type of relationships she would like to have and keep.

And, yes, I am fully aware of the "point of no return" argument, in all its validity, that at some point the lies had stacked up so much, that the hurt was inevitable, the fear of rejection more and more founded, of Kara wanting to be "just Kara" with Lena… Every season, every in-show year that passed and Kara kept her secret(s), it became impossibly harder to come clean. But, re-watching the show, it just seems so… irresponsible? And the more often Kara makes a point herself being lied to is a bad thing, even …hypocritical.

I am not saying any of the people who lied to or kept things from Kara were in the right or wrong - a totally different discussion that would require individual assessment. But, Kara, making the same point over and over again? Several times about the very topic of hidden/fake identities and double-lives… But then proceeding to keep her proclaimed best friend in the dark about herself, still?

Yeah, that bugs me. A lot.

IMO, after the whole Mon-El returned thing Kara would or should have had an epiphany about telling Lena the truth about herself… but then Reign beat her into a coma and all kinds of hell broke loose.

But… Yeah. Not even for Supercorp reasons. But internal logic.

From a story-writing perspective; you have your (main) character face a (similar but slightly different) situation a couple times before they learn their lesson. You plant the seeds (in this case: identity reveal) and then have it play out, based on what the character had learned(!) this far. And you have them deal with the worst-case-scenario backlash, if you need any for drama's sake, but it should make some level of sense… Instead they had Kara learn nothing, had her lie to Lena for another two years, and turned Lena into a spiraling madwoman. And Kara… well, now in Mon-El's shoes, could not quite understand how Lena (in Kara's former shoes, but with much more tainted personal experiences) was deeply, intimately hurt, devastated, and struggling.

Kara saw this coming - but tbh, when Lillian spoke so (unintentionally) truthful, Kara should have focused on the implied "if someone ELSE but you tells her", and when talking to Kal, realized that he didn't keep his secret FROM his most important people (Lois, James…) to protect them. Taken Cat's advice to have the guts to be vulnerable to reap Lena's long-term trust instead of settling for "for now this works, right?".

Not to mention that the whole show over and over stressed, that Kara could "have it all" without revealing herself to the world (the 100th episode even making a point that telling the world WILL put her loved ones at risk) or deciding on one half of herself, but then the show ended, and… yeah… I guess, some sort of witness protection for everyone?

No more casual strolls for "just Kara" through the park…

I adore the show, but… continuity?

It's just a bit painful to re-watch the show and watch Kara fault and shame others over and over again, only to go ahead and do the thing herself... Aware, yet oblivious. And NOBODY calls her out on it. (The one time Alex asked her and Kara was all like "I had to take the dog to the vet" is too little too late.)

Thankfully the fandom is so amazingly creative <3

#Kue out.

[nrdmssgs]

Hi! I love your writing! Could you please write some more angst? I love fics where the reader is in danger/peril. Platonic or romantic is fine!

Before he snaps

Masterlist Angst with an open ending

Pairing: Soap x reader

Summary: Soap finds a new face on the base, that wakes his utmost interest. Your face. There is only one problem: you have a rule to never date military men.

TW: heavy swearing, implied abuse (physical and psychological)

AN: sorry for taking forever, I needed to gather a bit strength to formulate and share this one.

Johnny smiles widely in surprise, when he discovers a new face in the office. He stops on his tracks, turns around and heads straight to you. "Never seen ya here before, lass. I'm Soap, nice to meet you!” You are taking aback by his assertiveness, since you didn't await for anyone to come to your office on your first day here. Nevertheless, you answer. “Soap? Is it because you always smell nice?” “Check it yourself if you want.” He moves closer and hovers over your table so that you really can feel the deep fresh aroma with slight notes of spice emanating from his skin. You frown and laugh in surprise. And just like that, Johnny, who had a million things to do today, suddenly finds a whole hour to distract you from onboarding.

***

You know the golden rule: “don't date military men”. Even if mankind extincts and there is only you and that handsome sergeant with his endearing accent and eyes, you could easily drown in, are left alive - don't date military men. But it will do no harm to have a little chat with him time to time, right? And It's certainly not your fault, he has so much paperwork, he needs your help with. You always have time for Soap.

***

“Gaz, no time for explaining, I need your forms 17-A-41 and 17-A.1-41!” Johnny rushes into Kyles room with a speed of a freshly unleashed greyhound. Gaz doesn't even manage to reply, while Soap roams through the papers on his table. “Soap, don't tell me you drank coffee from the captain's mug before bed again…” But Johnny completely ignores his friends words and grabs papers. “Here they are! I'll fill these in for you, dinnae worry, pal!” Kyle still processes, what has just happened, when Johnny disappears behind his door, barely closing it. It's only a week later, when he notices, who exactly in the office verifies these forms. By that time, Soap manages to steal and fill these papers for the whole TF. 

You are warned very soon that Captain John Price's crew need not be disturbed, even if they owe you some documents. Their work is different from the tasks of the rest of the soldiers on the base, and their incredible workload must be treated with understanding. But Johnny keeps visiting your office every other evening, when they are not deployed. He may be tired, may struggle to stay awake, but stopping by your desk is a ritual, and it's not to be broken. When he brings you form 17-A-41 from Price himself, you take the same one out of your table and show him. “Johnny, you are overworking. You've already brought me Prices version last week. Now, I do not accuse you of forging documents, I know that you fill out everything conscientiously. But don't you think it's time to take a break? Because at this point, your work starts losing its point.”

Other guys on his place would be embarrassed, but not him. You never see him down, in fact, even when he comes to you obviously straight out of the med bay.  “I can find more soldiers, who still are not done with these forms, you are waiting to validate. Or we can skip all paper work and go on a date already.” He is pretty straight forward, but one can afford such boldness, having an absolute disarming smile. A smile so beautiful, it's a pity, you have to brush it off from his face. “Sorry, Soap. It's better if we stick to the paper work.” Despite your fears, his smile doesn't disappear, as if his face could never be sad or angry. “As you wish, lassie.”

***

You two keep it friendly yet professional. Even when you start attending little gatherings, the 141 has every now and then at a small pub in the nearest town to the base. Although every time you come there, whoever was seating next to Johnny, finds something very urgent to tend to on an opposite side of the table. 

“It is still not a date,” you note every time, and Johnny makes a funny face, bringing his brows together. “Of course, bonnie. Not dating military guys, I remember. It's a complete ordinary work meeting. Now you get those documents ready and I'll bring you a pint.” His smile still shines ever so bright, it feels, as if someone brought an extra lamp to your table. 

***

“Still not a date?” His mischievous eyes narrow, when you freeze a few inches away from his face. This year you've gradually become so used to such evenings, you didn't even notice, how others left you two alone. Didn't even notice, how you two spent a whole hour talking, how you laughed at his jokes, head thrown back, how you gradually leaned closer, until his hand rested on your shoulder. 

“Yeah, you're right, sorry.” You instantly remember the №1 rule and all the reasoning behind it. A wave of fear washes down your body, you move away from Johnny and clasp your fingers around your arms.

***

At first, Johnny thought, it's a matter of principle for you to not start any romantic intercourse inside the military. It was not the first time, he came across someone with such a rule, so he isn't surprised. But slowly a different thought develops at the back of his mind: something led you to this principle. Something unsettling, something, he doesn't like at all. But you never told him anything, never let him question you on that topic. So Johnny waits and tries to be somewhere near you, just in case you'll need his help.

You try to not let it slip, but there are tiny cracks in your demeanor here and there. Stories cut off in mid-sentence, your restless glances around when the two of you go out of any building. Johnny never shows it, but he remembers every time, something like that happens. And despite his ever-blooming smile, it accumulates anger and concerns deep inside him. 

***

Soap regrets, you two are not dating when you disappear from the office for a week and return with a medical mask on your face. “Caught bad cold, I'm afraid I'm still contagious.” Your explanation reeks of lies a mile away. But Johnny accepts it without questions. After all, he only wants for you to feel safe around him. Of course, it pains Soap a bit, that you obviously keep secrets from him, but who was he to ask you to always be honest to him? So he keeps smiling like an idiot and only lets himself touch your hand and remind, that you can always reach out to him, no matter what.

And you actually contact him in some time. It is late, the whole base was sleeping. “Johnny, you there?” A short message, to which he immediately responds, wondering, why aren't you asleep at this late hour. “Can you walk me from the office?”

Walk you from the office? Now? Something doesn't add up. It's too late even for after hours at work. What made you stay that long at the office? Or maybe… (And this is when Johnny remembers your frightened eyes, when you two exited any building.) Or maybe, who kept you from going out of the office? Soap throws on his jacket and almost runs towards the offices. He is met by a dark building with one alive window - yours. Johnny almost flies up the stairs and knocks on your door. 

You open the door and thank all the gods, it's Johnny with his warm, caring smile. “I'm sorry, I promise, I'll explain everything, just please let's go out of here! I want home, I'm so tired.” Soap doesn't protest and lets you take him down a dark hallway, then up empty flights of stairs, and finally out into the street. "It's probably all right! I just thought, I've seen something... We'll just get to my apartment and everything will be all right." You mutter incessantly when Johnny stops abruptly and takes your hand.

“Wait-wait. Look at me, please.” Johnny still smiles, but his voice is now low, rumbling, menacing. “Whatever is happening here with you - this is not ok. And I want to help. But you'll need to tell me, what exactly is going on.”

You stand before him, gathering all your strength to speak up. But when you finally open your mouth, Johnny's gaze darts somewhere behind you, and he automatically steps forward, shielding you from something, you have not yet seen. But you recognize, what, or rather who, is coming at you. He is your pain, your fear, everything, you thought, you've left behind, your #1 rule. For a short moment, you press your whole body against Johnny and plead him. “Please ignore him, let's just walk away, please.”

“Leave her be, mate. You can find yourself something much more fancy.” The painfully familiar voice makes you freeze. You clench to Soaps jacket and mumble ‘please-please-please ignore him’. 

“This whore is my cross to bear, you don't need her. You can do much better than a stupid twat, that apparently ‘needs more attention when her man is not deployed’, but still won't abandon her useless work to spend more time with me.” Soap doesn't answer, doesn't even flinch, only covers one of your hands with his. “You don't need a useless slut, that accepts your attention only to abandon you, because you apparently didn't match some image of a prince Charming, that she bears in her fucking head!” You could not make yourself lift your gaze to the man speaking to Soap. You only beg Johnny to leave. And when it feels like he is almost convinced to not start a fight, the man adds: “You, boy, can do so much better than a fruitless tree, that throws a tantrum when its “bark” is slightly scratched.” Johnny looks down at you. Forgotten, that you still have your medical mask on, you cover your mouth with your hand, as if trying to hide something from him. Soap doesn't ask you to remove the mask - there is no need. He turns back to the man, takes a deep breath. 

And then Johnny snaps.