#Plus he has to know different languages to help us navigate the world

[nonndrawz]

When Týr becomes an companion in the next game and he has a wonderful dyamnic with Kratos, everyone is gonna start shipping them and the Kratýr nation will rise up again!!! 🗣🔥

[isaacarellanesismyhusband]

tu sais que je t'aime bien, non?

pair: Fred Weasley x reader requested by anonymous

Could you do a Fred x reader? Y/n goes to beauxbatons and it’s during the goblet of fire, so they’re all at hogworts. She knows very little English and doesn’t understand anything the hogworts and even drumstrang students are saying. Her best friend knows English so when the twins come up and introduce theirselves her friend has to translate both ways. Over the course of the year, y/n learns English, she’s not very good with it but it’s much better than what is was, she became very animated when talking to try and help others understand if she didn’t know the English word. She and Fred spent a lot of time together and he helped her learn English, and he was amused with how animated she was. Even if he had no idea what she was saying. He doesn’t even realise that he’s falling for her. But y/n realises that she is and so she would say flirty things in french, knowing he wouldn’t know what she was saying, it gave her a confidence boost. He eventually finds out what she’s saying means, and he finally ‘makes a move’. Y/n had noticed he was about to make a move but she beat him to it. that summer she had moved to England and was there during the order of the phoenix, and the two spent lots of time together 😭 sorry if that’s a lot

masterlist | navigation | p2

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Hogwarts was as grand as everyone said it would be, but it felt like a maze of confusion to Y/N. The enchanted ceilings, moving staircases, and the endless chatter of students from three different schools were overwhelming. Beauxbatons had always been her home—a place of elegance and simplicity. But now, thrust into the heart of a tournament she barely understood, she found herself lost in the sea of English words she couldn’t grasp.

Her best friend, Camille, was her anchor in this new world. Camille had always been the smarter one when it came to languages, her English fluent and her accent barely noticeable. Y/N, on the other hand, struggled. She’d barely picked up a few phrases here and there, but none of it felt natural. She hated how she had to rely on Camille to speak for her, to translate every little thing.

That’s when the twins appeared—Fred and George Weasley, their grins wide and mischief in their eyes. Y/N had heard about them before arriving at Hogwarts; everyone in the school seemed to talk about the Weasley twins. But she never expected them to approach her and Camille during breakfast one chilly morning.

“Hello, ladies! I’m Fred, and this is my devilishly handsome brother, George,” Fred said, his voice full of humor as he gestured to himself and then to George.

Y/N blinked, not understanding a word he said. She turned to Camille, who laughed before translating, “Ils disent qu'ils s'appellent Fred et George. Ils plaisantent sur qui est le plus beau.”

Y/N couldn’t help but smile, even if she didn’t get the joke entirely. Camille continued the conversation, going back and forth between the twins and Y/N. It was strange, not knowing what was being said until Camille filtered it for her. Fred seemed to notice her confusion and leaned in, trying to speak slower, using exaggerated gestures.

It didn’t help much, but it made her laugh.

As the weeks passed, Fred made it a habit to find Y/N whenever he could. At first, it was through Camille, but over time, Fred began speaking directly to her, patiently repeating words and teaching her bits of English. He’d sit with her in the library, their heads bent over books as he pointed to words, mouthing them slowly. Sometimes, she would struggle, getting frustrated with herself, but Fred would just grin and encourage her.

“Y/N, you’re getting better,” he’d say, even if her sentences were still jumbled and broken.

And she was getting better, slowly but surely. Her vocabulary expanded, and she began to understand more of the conversations around her. But there were still moments where she would get stuck, unable to find the right word. So, she started using her hands more, making gestures and expressions to help convey what she meant. Fred found this endlessly amusing, often chuckling as she animatedly tried to explain herself.

Despite the language barrier, something between them clicked. Y/N felt it first—a flutter in her chest whenever Fred was near. She didn’t know how to say it in English, but she knew what it was. She was falling for him, hard and fast. But how could she tell him? So, she started saying things in French, little flirty comments that she knew he wouldn’t understand.

“Tu es tellement mignon quand tu essaies de parler français,” she’d say with a smirk, watching as Fred’s brow furrowed in concentration, trying to figure out what she meant.

He’d give her a questioning look, and she’d just laugh, patting his cheek before walking away. It became a game—her throwing out random French phrases and Fred trying to decipher them. She grew more confident with each one, enjoying the secret power she held over him.

But Fred wasn’t clueless. He noticed the way her eyes would light up when she said something in French, the teasing tone in her voice. So, one day, he decided to do some research. It took him a while—he wasn’t exactly the best at studying—but he eventually found a translation for one of the phrases she said often.

The next time he saw her, he decided to test it out. They were sitting by the lake, the sun setting in the distance, casting a warm glow over everything. Fred had been planning to make his move, but Y/N beat him to it.

“Fred,” she said, leaning closer to him, her voice low, “Tu sais que je t'aime bien, non?”

Fred smirked, recognizing the phrase. “Yeah? Well, I think I’ve figured out what you’ve been saying all this time.”

Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise, her heart skipping a beat. “You… you do?”

Fred nodded, leaning in so that their faces were only inches apart. “And I’ve got something to say back.” He paused, letting the moment hang between them. “I like you too, Y/N. A lot.”

Before she could react, he closed the distance, pressing his lips to hers in a kiss that was as sweet as it was long-awaited. Y/N melted into him, her hands finding their way into his hair as she kissed him back.

When they finally pulled away, both were breathless, their foreheads resting against each other.

“Your English is getting pretty good,” Fred teased, his voice soft.

Y/N smiled, a mix of nerves and excitement bubbling up inside her. “Thank you… for helping me.”

Fred grinned, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Anytime. And, you know, I’ve got all summer to help you get even better.”

Y/N’s smile widened at that. She was moving to England soon, and the thought of spending more time with Fred made her heart race.

“I think I’d like that,” she whispered, leaning in for another kiss.

The summer passed in a blur of laughter and stolen kisses and Y/N’s English improved every day, but more importantly, so did her connection with Fred. By the time the Order of the Phoenix formed, they were inseparable, finding comfort in each other amidst the growing darkness of the world around them.

And even though she still had her moments of uncertainty, Y/N knew one thing for sure—she didn’t need perfect English to tell Fred how she felt.

Love, after all, was a language all its own.

[merinsedai]

Thank you, @ficreadingchallenge for this fun little bingo challenge this summer! Some of these, I could have filled multiple times and some I had to have a search for, but all part of the fun!

1. Under the influence: Spoils of War by @seiya-starsniper [E] Aphrodisiacs! Starting strongly with the smut. Kinda feral for this piece, multiple rereads. Hob is not a good man but he is good in bed. Dream has not spoken since he arrived. How long ago that was I don't know, but I'm in awe of the pettiness. Excellent, love it. Very much E (and probably not the only one on this list...)

2. Newest fic in the tag of your choice: listen, I'm very one-track minded. Dreamling has basically been the only tag of my choice for the past two years. So, the newest fic when I decided to do this square was: Dream Ship by @often-adamanta [E] A spicy little tale set on a space ship which Dream controls and Hob's his muscle. They're a new partnership and Dream's not happy about it so he's giving Hob the silent treatment. Queue Hob taking some alone time, Dream accidentally interrupting and Hob having no privacy issues at all. The start of something beautiful, no doubt.

3. Inspired by another fanwork: I'll Go To Sleep and Dream Again by @chaosheadspace [E] which is inspired by Shelter by softestpunk. An accidentally human Dream has need of the help of Hob Gadling to help him navigate life as a human (eg facial hair, food, and morning wood), regain his Endlessness and recover his tools. Whilst falling in love and having some hot sex ofc. Also, a lot of lovely petnames.

4. Mistaken Identity: As a Stranger I Know Myself by @phinofthestorm and @sleepsonfutons [E] Could be no other choice for this square. Gripping drama, mysteries, feeeeelings, smut (obvs), plentiful existential angst, and shit goin' down. Featuring Jessamy the raven knocking her head against the wall; Burgess's cane; name repetitions; everyone having A Time of it; side characters Shipping Them Too; oh, and a main character you don't expect to like as much as you do...

5.Slow Burn: What Dreams May Come, When Living is at an End by Sebena [T] This fandom is slow burn central, but this is the fic I'm currently in the middle of, and I'm quite enamoured with the relationship between Knight Hob and Morpheus, and it's beautifully descriptive. Plus some lovely pieces of art by @teejaystumbles A real treat.

6. Dressing Up: Make it Count by @arialerendeair [E] Dream gets to dress Hob up very nicely for posh dinners aboard the world's most famous ocean liner in this wonderful Titanic AU. Dream gets to dress down, too! A longer fic but absolutely gripping! Could also use Aria and Konstadt's Colour Forecasting [E] for this square. There's lots of fancy tailoring and clothing choices going on here. And lots of smut, relationship navigation and lots and lots of kissing.

7.Author's oldest fic: Metamorphosis by @windsweptinred [M] Delightful fic about-yes- the metamorphosis of Dream and Hob into Something Else. Starts with high drama as Dream is about to take Death's hand as the Kindly Ones are ravaging the Dreaming and takes things in a very different direction. There's stunning artwork on each chapter that really adds to the reading experience!

8. Small Fandom (<1000 fics): In Which Cat/Cow Is Not A Yoga Pose by @temve [E] ok, technically a crossover with The Sandman (although for pure Aldrich Kemp there's A Fishbowl, a Forklift, and a Friend: or, Who Hired Aldrich Kemp? which I read back in April, so doesn't count for the summer challenge) Temve has Aldrich's voice down to a T and her humour is so on point. I laughed out loud many times in both these fics.

9. Gift Giving: For Your Affection by @cuubism [T] short and sweet little fic by cuubism dealing with high larceny as a love language. cuubism's writing is so joyful, the playfulness she often gives to her Dream brings me great happiness and there's no exception here.

10.Enemies to friends/lovers: Tower and Rose by @moorishflower [E] Beauty and the Beast style 'au' with a magic tower, a mysterious lord, a plucky peasant Hob, an 'imprisonment', a terror stalking the grounds and many, many questions. Why are all the servants ravens? Twists and turns a plenty, and some fun eldritch sex sprinkled in.

11.Lyric Title-listen to the song, too!: please wake me/for my love lies patiently by @beatnikfreakiswriting [E] sequel to the also-having-a-song-lyric title, would you let me know...? aka fics that live rent-free in my head after having rewired my brain. Featuring the most relatable Hob ever, copious interesting facts in the author's notes, and a Dream who would have scared the shit out of me if he'd been my lecturer but is hot af and needs lots of love really. Lots of scorching smut too. Is this a theme? Obviously. Bonus that each chapter, and the series title, have song lyric titles too.

12.de-aging/kidfic England and Nowhere (Never and Always) by @dsudis [M] The last fill on my card, and one I had to search for. And I'm glad I did. I'm about 1/2 way through so don't know the resolution but a lot of it is very soft, especially Dream's relationship with the changeling toddler, Finn. Finn feels very much like a real little boy in his actions and his dialogue. I'm very much enjoying this fic.

FREE SPACE: literally anything by @tj-dragonblade fluff and smut and pure delight.

13.character study: Unsent Letters, Nameless Stranger by @rainbowvamp [M] letters from Hob to Dream throughout the centuries detailing the evolution in Hob's thoughts, attitudes and feelings towards his life, his history and mostly, his feelings for Dream (aka a lot of pining). I'm about halfway through the letters so far and am looking forward to getting back to them.

14.happy ending: My Fair Gadling by @zigzag-wanderer [E] a work in progress, so we haven't reached the happy ending yet, but I have faith in the author and this absolutely wonderful fic. Hob has such a strong narrative voice, he is a delight to read and so, so funny. I laugh out loud constantly in all of ziggy's fics, whether that's the dialogue or the hilarious analogies and metaphors. Professor Morpheus is a study in buttoned up sadness to begin with, but just wait until he's unleashed. He's unbearably sexy when he rolls his sleeves up and fixes car engines at the side of the road, and endearingly earnest in bed. I eagerly await every chapter (especially to find out what outfit Hob has shimmied into that day).

15.Secret Relationship: Risk and Reward by @signiorbenedickofpadua [E] absolutely cracking Regency au. Lord Morpheus spends a lot of time early on feeling mildly fevered. It's probably nothing to do with his new house guest, Mr Robert Gadling, right? These guys slowly, so slowly move towards Something Special. There is the ultimate thrill of finger brushing; the admiration of shapely legs and the highly charged Shakespeare reading. Also balls, duels, painting, stargazing, horse riding and misuse of biblical quotes. And I'm only half way through! The relationship is of necessity given the time period, secret. At the point I'm at, it's finally begun in earnest and I'm excited to see where the plot takes them next!

16. Angst: Exit Wounds by @valeriianz [T] There are many angst-ridden fics in this fandom, and I am a sucker for angst. I love it and seek it out. This fic by sanyumi tore my heart out, stomped all over it and then threw it in the river for good measure. Sometimes you just need to feel destroyed and this delivers.

17. Omegaverse AU So Tell Me Where To Put My Love by @seiya-starsniper [E] Another of my favourite au topics! This starts out with an unhappily arranged marriage, secrets and angst and lots of miscommunication and then explores the developing relationship between Hob and Dream; Dream getting to feel empowered; more miscommunication; knitting; Hob getting to be incredibly rude to Dream's mother, and a very happy ending. Could have tagged loads in this square. Special mentions to i have no fear of time / for who knows how my love grows? by @gabessquishytum [E] for pure horny good times most centuries; and also the incomparable Lover, Be Good to Me by @omgcinnamoncakes which I haven't actually read this summer but which hasn't left my brain. The ultimate omegaverse slowburn and healing fic. Wonderful.

18. High School/College au: Dr Hardass and Professor Sweetheart by crimandclove [G] an outsider pov look at Hob and Dream, who are both professors at the same university (and also married, of course, though the protagonist doesn't know it). And by the same author: Coincidence, [T] which is the story of how Dream and Hob met and became friends in high school. Pure nostalgia for me and Hob is such a delightful pov character to follow. Unfinished but with a full synopsis of how the story would have gone.

19. Road Trip: The Blood of Bucephalus by @llflorence [E] no actual roads, but these guys sure go on a journey. Set in ancient times, with shades of Alexander the Great. Except it's king Morpheus and his loyal soldier (and lover) Hob. Featuring Hob being mostly bewildered about what's going on and Morpheus being the most tight lipped monarch in existence. Also featuring a love for horses and Morpheus's unquenchable desire to travel incognito. Written with the same tenderness, intensity and mystery that is Lis's hallmark.

20. New author (<1 year) Coma Dreams by TheTroubleWithTribbles [M] a fic I had to actively search for but very much enjoyed reading. Some domesticity, Dream being caring, Matthew being traumatised, and Hob enjoying an extended trip to the Dreaming. Featuring some laugh out loud moments, Dream with broccoli patterned oven gloves and Hob being free with terms of endearment.

21. Crossover or fusion fic: Half Asleep, Half Waking by @softest-punk [G] again, I could have chosen fics by softestpunk to fill most of the spaces on this grid! Isn't their writing delightful? Such warmth and such range. Something for whatever you're in the mood for. Am in awe. Anyway, this is a crossover between The Sandman and Rivers of London. I didn't know the RoL books, but after reading this I listened to them on audible and came back to the fic. Very enjoyable- thanks, Cecil! Nightingale is my favourite character from RoL and I loved his relationship with Hob. And Hob gently chiding Molly and Nightingale to get their acts together, ha!

22. Superpowers/no powers Au: Here in the Darkness by @cuubism [M] Since we've got one 'super' character, and one 'normal' character in Dreamling, I chose cuubism's reverseverse fic where they've switched around. Good grief, it was good. Hope is a ray of sunshine, eh? He's just going around being lovely and offering hope, and being kind to Morpheus. And then gets captured and treated horrifically for a century. There's plenty of angst, Morpheus being snitty, then depressed, then a vengeful angel and then they get some softness. It's pure cuubism magic: it's fucking brilliant.

23. Only One Bed: The Chase by @imnotcrying-ipromise [M] I followed along with this story as it was being published early last year, and it was a wild ride of emotions and cliffhangers! Not only is there only one bed, there is a hunt across the country, a wonderful yet dangerous connection, and of course, some falling in love. It's such a fun and thrilling tale: a unique concept with a menacing villain. The sense of peril is real: for our canon characters and some lovely ocs we meet, too. And in the quieter moments there is a lot of sweetness and care between Dream and Hob. An excellent re-read this summer.

24: Soulmates: Destined by @arialerendeair [M] I love a good soulmate au, and this is a cracker by Aria. Featuring not one, but two rescues, a number of villains getting their just desserts, and visits to a Greek temple. Hob is, by turns, a bamf and a gentle, considerate man. He's spent 600 years trying to figure out what the letters of his soul mark mean, and when he does... Dream has spent countless years not even knowing he has a soul mark/mate; it takes a severance from the Dreaming to reveal it, and when he finds out...

[xpeachesncream]

acquainted | eight

> series masterlist | series playlist <

summary: the biggest goal of a grad student is to get through school in one piece - no petty drama involved, no sweating over the little things. however, that plan almost always never follows through. sometimes, you can’t help but fall into the most unthinkable, unexpected traps and learn the hard way. like, exhibit a: being unable to resist your engaged, substitute teacher, kim seokjin.

pairing: jungkook x reader x engaged!teacher!seokjin

genre: grad school au, student life au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 3.6k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, jealousy and slight possessiveness, making out

tags: @laurynne5 @yiyi4657 @miinoongi @teamtardis-notdead @bluesharksandfish @photographic-girl @yonkoghan @moonchild1​ @thebeebi​ (pls msg me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

"Should we go to that charity event the school is holding on Friday? It sounds kind of fun." Ryujin sipped on her drink, while you went through your closet, showing her different outfits over the facetime call.

"What's it for again?"

"I don't remember, but the Golden State Warriors dj is going to be dj'ing. He's pretty good."

"Yeah he is. I mean, I'm down, especially if it's for a good cause."

"Okay, I'll grab us tickets when I head to campus."

"You're not even gonna ask Jimin or Tae?" You chuckle.

"Why would I? They do everything we do, they don't know anything outside of us." You shake your head.

"Cut them a little slack."

"Boohoo, they'll say yes regardless. Bring Jungkook!"

"I mean, I'll ask, but I'm not gonna force him."

"Oh quit, I'm sure he'd be happy to spend time with you." She looked at you through the camera. "K, let me see that outfit."

"He said casual." You showed her your outfit in the full length mirror.

"Absolutely, yes! You're fucking hot." She squeals, automatically solidifying your outfit for tonight. It, thankfully, wasn't too cold in the Bay today, so you throw on a grey distressed denim mini skirt, a low-cut light grey longsleeve, a belt and some heeled combat boots. You ruffled and fixed your hair a bit until you were satisfied with your look, picking up the phone once more to turn your attention back to Ryujin.

"Thank you."

"No problem, babe. I hope you have fun! Did he say where you two were going?"

"Nope, it's apparently a surprise."

"Ugh, I love him already." She gushes, causing you to shake your head. You dabbed a bit of lip gloss and pressed your lips together to spread it out before spraying a perfume cloud for you to walk through. Sooner or later, knocks came at the door.

"Okay, I think that's him. I'll talk to you later?"

"Call me as soon as you get home. I want to know how big his dick actually is."

"You're sick. You sound exactly like Tae, you know that?"

"We're not talking about him."

"Love you, bye!" You abruptly hang up on her, unsure of why the hell you deal with her and Taehyung's crude comments. You grab your bag and open the door to see Jungkook standing there with a small bouquet of flowers. He peeks his head over the bouquet with the cutest smile you have ever seen.

"Hi." He slightly scrunches his nose and pulls you into a hug. Goddamn, does he smell good. "These are for you." He hands you the bouquet.

"Jungkook, they're beautiful. Thank you." You take it into your kitchen and place it into a vase really quickly before stepping out. You eye him from head to toe, and boy is looking like a whole ass meal in the denim outfit he has on. Like, who in the world could pull off this outfit like that?

"You look amazing." You blush. "If you ever get cold, just let me know, alright? I can spare my jacket."

"You're so sweet."

"Just want to make sure you're comfortable." He shrugs. "You ready?"

"Depends on what you have up your sleeve."

"Nothing extreme, if that's what you're thinking." He laughed. "I hope you enjoy it, though."

"Thanks for planning all of this, by the way."

"No biggie. I'm just glad to finally spend some time with you." He does a little run to open the passenger car door for you before hopping into the driver's seat. Immediately, he gets the car started and turns up the heat to make sure you're comfortable. The radio is softly playing Zayn's sHe, with Jungkook softly singing along.

"Wait a minute," You chuckle. "Do you sing?" He smirked.

"Maybe."

"Hey, that's not fair. Sing louder."

"No, now I'm shy." He chuckled.

"Why? It's just me."

"Yeah and I just wanna impress you and not make a fool out of myself."

"You won't! Please." You pouted, making him shake his head.

"Ugh, Y/N. That's going to easily become a weakness for me if you keep pulling that pout." You keep pouting. Eventually, he gets over himself and starts to sing a little louder than earlier, causing your heart to flutter at how angelic he sounds. He ends up laughing towards the end and shrugging it off, his cheeks tinted with a rosy tint as you shower him in compliments. Swoon. You were so into the moment that you didn't even realize Jungkook was taking you across the bridge to San Francisco. You and your friends don't come to the city much, strictly because there's too many goddamn hills, parking is expensive as fuck, there's too many one way streets and people just get crazy as hell [like crossing the street when it's not time to walk?!]. It was a little calmer back home and that's all you guys needed. You watch as he parks the car effortlessly on a steep hill before coming over to your side to open the door for you.

"Whew, that's gonna be a workout later." You look back at the steep hill that you're gonna have to climb after eating dinner, you assume.

"Don't worry, I got you." He laughs. There's actually a lot of people out for a Tuesday evening that you end up hanging onto his arm to get navigate the random sea of people. He walks into Brenda's French Soul Food - nothing too fancy, but nothing too casual. The waitress brings you both towards the back end of the restaurant and out into the patio, where there are christmas lights hung around the fence and outdoor heaters posted. He pulls out your chair before sitting himself down, the waitress putting down your menus and cups of water.

"Ohhhhh, my god." You say with heart eyes looking at the menu. You had heard about this place from so many people, and you were impressed that Jungkook was able to score reservations being that it's always so busy due to its popularity. "I'm so excited! I've been wanting to try this place."

"Goodjob, Jungkook." He says, patting himself on the back. "If you're happy, that's all I could ask for." The waitress comes back to offer recommendations, which you both include in your orders in one way or another. Although packed, the restaurant was able to pump out orders quickly and efficiently so you and Jungkook weren't sitting around for too long without food.

"So, how's Jin in class?" You almost choke on your food even though this is something you should have expected. You really wanted to avoid speaking about him tonight, but you knew it was inevitable being that you were out with his brother.

"Um, he's alright."

"Just alright?" He rose his eyebrow and chuckled.

"No, sorry. I mean, he's a really good teacher. Definitely better than our last professor. Everyone in class loves him."

"That's cool. Yeah, he's really smart and wise. I've always looked up to him."

"How long has it been?" You weren't sure how to ask the question, but Jungkook understood what you were asking.

"I was a sophomore in high school when my mom met his dad." You're silent for a moment, allowing him to continue on if needed. "I had a really hard time at first, you know? The whole stepfather thing. My anger was moreso directed towards my mom and my stepdad for awhile. But Jin helped me out a lot. He helped me come to terms with my feelings about everything and he stuck by my side, always had my back whenever I got into arguments or bickered with one of our parents." You nodded, suddenly feeling guilty even though you and Jungkook weren't a couple.

"So, you two are really close." He nodded.

"Yeah, we are. I really don't know what I'd do without him. He's taught me a lot and helped me grow. Plus, Namjoon, Hoseok and Yoongi have been around too. They treat me like their own little brother.”

"That's sweet. It's nice to have that kind of relationship with your sibling and their friends." You chuckle.

"It is." He nods. "Do you have any siblings?"

"Ryujin, Taehyung and Jimin." He laughs.

"From the club, right? I met your friends, they're fun people."

"They're too much, honestly. I'm the only child, but we've all been stuck to the hip since freshman year in college."

"That's cool that you guys have been together since then." You give him a toothless smile. "I think it's pretty awesome that you guys are tackling grad school together too."

"Initially, we all had different plans, but Jimin had some big goals for himself including grad school, and it played a huge role in my decision to do grad school, too. Then Ryujin followed, then Taehyung."

"Cute."

"Speaking of friends, there's this charity event at school on Friday." You look up at him, a small smirk growing on his face.

"Uh huh?"

"And I was wondering if you wanted to come along with us. They really want you there."

"That's sweet. But, what matters the most is that you want me there."

"I wouldn't be inviting you if I didn't, right?" You bit your bottom lip.

"Touché. Of course I'll go with you, beautiful." He does a small nod before sipping his water. "Should we show up in matching outfits?" He joked, causing you to snort.

"Honestly, that seems pretty entertaining. Cute, and entertaining."

"I'm down if you are." You stuck your tongue out playfully.

"I'm game too."

"Let me know what you're wearing then."

"I will, whenever I figure that out."

"Take your time. Just know you'll look good in anything." You blushed. You both continue to talk over the remaining bits of your food before Jungkook calls for the check. You watch as he scribbles his signature onto the receipt before standing and sticking his wallet into the back pocket of his jeans. While exiting the small and crowded restaurant, you hold onto his hand, feeling him grip it tighter as you both successfully make it out. The night isn't too cold, and you sure as hell knew it wouldn't be after you conquered the hill that Jungkook parked on.

"Fuck." You say as you stand on the street, eyeing the steep hill in front of you.

"Come on." He says, slightly bending down for you to hop onto his back.

"Ouu, I don't know if that's a good idea--"

"Y/N, I promise it's okay. Come on." He laughed. Hey, if he was willing to do this, then why not? You hop onto his back, his arms wrapping your legs tightly around his waist, while you clung onto his neck. "See, not so bad, right?" He says, sprinting up the hill, making you laugh and hold onto him tighter.

"Shit, I am so sorry. That was probably a workout. Right after we ate, too."

"Nah. It wasn't anything." He scrunched his nose. On the way back over the bridge, Jungkook is heading towards Lake Merritt. You both are singing along to songs and joking around about topics that pop up here and there. When he parks his car, you notice a whole crowd of people gathered by the lake, which was a little unusual for this time of night. He grabs your hand and gently caresses the top with his thumb as he walks you over towards the crowd. To your surprise, you realize people are gathered here for a water lantern festival. Your eyes light up, making Jungkook smile at how excited you look.

"Jungkook, what the hell! How did you know about this and I didn't?" He shrugs.

"I have my ways." He says, his voice low and deep. You playfully shove him before you make your way over to grab lanterns to decorate. You and Jungkook sit off in a more quiet, calmer part of the lake, silently decorating your lanterns and writing your wishes along with it. What exactly did you want to wish for?

Happy friends, happy family. Happy you.

Whatever happiness meant to you.

To have Chance look over you.

Jungkook is done pretty quickly, but he waits for you to finish, not questioning what you've written since he figures it's a private matter. He shows you his lantern and his cute little stick figure drawing of his family and friends. You giggle, watching him gently lay his lantern in the water, giving you leverage to do the same with yours. You stand closely to him, his body providing you some warmth as you watch your lanterns float off into the lake and illuminate the night along with the others.

"Ready? We have one more thing to catch." He snakes his arm around your waist and gives your side a gentle squeeze. You simply nod, following him back to his car. He takes you about 30 minutes away, exiting and pulling right into a lot two street lights down from the exit. He pulls up to the ticket booth, buying 2 tickets for Tenet at the drive-in movie. You squeal and clap in your seat excitedly, also not knowing this was still around.

"Did you really do your research to plan this date?"

"Yes and no? I've been here before, and I thought it would be fun to take you. The restaurant and the lantern festival though, yes." He parks his car as instructed, turning the radio to the correct channel in order to hear the audio. "Wanna hop in the back so we have more room?" You nod, getting out of your seat just to hop into the back. He leans over into his trunk, grabbing water bottles and assorted gummy candies for you to snack on in case you wanted some. "I hope you're having fun so far."

"I am." You respond softly.

"Okay, beautiful. If you say so." He chuckles. He moves the driver and passenger seats forward so that you both have room to spread your legs a bit. At first, Jungkook made sure to give you enough space so he wouldn't make you uncomfortable, but over time, you felt yourself sinking closer and closer to his body until he had his arm draped around your shoulder, while part of your body rested on his. His hand gently caressed your arm, occasionally sending goosebumps through your body at how soft his touch his. You glanced over, admiring at how focused he was on the movie. He must have felt you looking at him because he quickly looks over and blushes as he nibbles on a gummy worm. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just cute how focused you are."

"Damn, are you not into it?"

"I am, but it's kind of hard to follow sometimes."

"Yeah, it's definitely one of those movies." This time, his gaze on you is a little longer than before. You don't know what takes over you, but you plant a kiss on him, making him smile into the kiss. He doesn't say anything, but proceeds to rest his free hand on your neck, pulling you close and into another deep kiss. Your hand grips onto the side of his shirt, your tongues slowly fighting for dominance. The sounds of wet kisses fills the car and tunes out the movie audio. You can feel the moment intensifying, both you and Jungkook letting out breathy moans in between kisses. Suddenly, the thought of Seokjin quickly flashes in your mind, the past nights you've spent with him and the nasty shit you both have done to each other.

You lightly gasp as you pull away, but it wasn't obvious to Jungkook that something had disturbed your peace.

"Sorry, I—" He tries to save face just in case he was in the wrong about something.

"No, I just— I wasn't expecting it to get that intense." You lied. You knew damn well.

"It's okay." He chuckled. "I would never rush you into anything, Y/N. Okay? We can take this slow." He gives you a genuine, warm, reassuring smile that causes you to swoon. Why the fuck was he so good? Just why? How was this even fair right now?

All you do is simply smile and lean back onto him. He's back to caressing your arm and shoulder, giving you small pecks on the top of your head every now and then to reassure you. Part of you wondered if this is what Seokjin had taught him over the years - how to properly love a woman and be a gentleman. But then, that quickly fades when you remember the situation you're in with him.

Well no, you're not in anything with him. You needed to stop doing this to yourself.

When the movie ends, you both climb back into the front seats to make your way back home. You feel the exhaustion hit you, all the fun and adrenaline you felt today slowly come crashing down. Jungkook parks in the passenger loading zone, throwing on his hazard lights before walking you up to your apartment.

"Jungkook, thank you for tonight. I really enjoyed it and had a ton of fun with you."

"I'm glad." He cups your face and gently places a kiss on your forehead. You weren't satisfied with it though, so you tippy toe as you hold onto his hand and kiss him on the lips. He leans into the kiss, deepening it for a quick second before pulling away. "Let me know the details about Friday, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'll call you tomorrow. Sleep tight, beautiful." He smiles and licks his lips as he watches you walk in, feeling utterly content with how the day went. You feel the same way, smiling to yourself as you throw your bag onto the floor and prance into the bathroom to get ready for bed. You felt the butterflies in your stomach every time you thought about Jungkook and his smile, or his soft lips against yours.

Butterflies that kept your mind off of—

[jin] 10:04pm: Are you still with Jungkook?

You roll your eyes at the text. You hadn't pulled out your phone all night, so you're also seeing the numerous messages from your friends in the group chat, too.

[jimin] 7:45pm: have fun tonight, Y/N!

[taehyung] 7:50pm: ^ ditto. use protection, young lady

[taehyung] 7:50pm: think about mr. kim's feelings

[ryujin] 7:56pm: taehyung kim, shut the hell up. do you have anything better to do?

[jimin] 8:01pm: i really hope she doesn't pull out her phone during the date -__-

[taehyung] 8:05pm: lmfao you guys, chill out

[taehyung] 8:06pm: i'm sorry y/n, im just kidding. have fun tonight and be safe, love you

[ryujin] 8:10pm: CALL ME WHEN YOU GET HOME Y/N! i wanna know deets, remember! and ask him if he wants to join us on friday!

Unbelievable. Your friends were unbelievable, and that was an understatement. You don't respond to the group because you figured you'd call Ryujin in a bit and update the boys over the week. But to Jin's text - fuck.

You were literally just tucking him away in the far, far, far dark, deep depths of your mind.

[y/n] 11:38pm: I was, but now I'm home.

[jin] 11:39pm: Yeah, he just texted me back. Sorry.

[y/n] 11:40pm: It's okay.

[jin] 11:43pm: Okay. Have a good night.

He hates this. Why the hell would you do this to him? Grace is upstairs sleeping while Jin is trying to clean the kitchen up like he promised. Suddenly, his phone goes off, signaling a call coming in.

Jungkook.

"Hello?"

"Oh shit, yes! You're awake!" Jin chuckles a bit.

"How was the date?" Not only was he asking out of curiosity, but wanted to know how you were doing during the night. Completely none of his business but he couldn't help himself.

"God, she's fucking amazing. A-and-and beautiful." He yells into the phone excitedly. "She's so exciting. I can't wait to take her out again. I just wanna keep spending time with her." Jin is pretty unamused on the other line. Thank God he isn't on Facetime so he didn't have to fake this facial expressions hearing about Jungkook's feelings for you. "S-she- I mean, we kissed."

"Oh?" Jin asks, tongue pressed against his cheek. What the fuck.

"Yeah, we were making out during the movie. It got pretty intense, but it didn't get any further than that. I didn't wanna rush her into anything."

"You think it could have escalated?"

"Yeah honestly, but I wanna do right by her, you know?" Jin can tell how serious Jungkook was starting to become about pursuing you, and he had never felt more competitive until this day. He just wanted you to himself, and he wanted to be the one to kiss you and make you feel things you've only dreamed about.

Not his brother.

He, too, wanted you just as bad. If anything, more.

"It sounds like it was a pretty successful first date." Jungkook is beaming through the phone, he didn't have to see his face to know that.

"It was. It was such a good night." Jungkook chuckles. "By the way, I'm going to that charity event on campus on Friday. Are you and Grace going?"

"Probably not."

"Well, if you both are free, you should swing by. It'll be nice to see Grace."

"Yeah, I'll ask and see what's up." Jin sighs. "I should probably get to bed, I'm pretty tired. I'm happy to hear the date went well, kid."

"Thanks, dude. I'll talk to you later, get some rest."

"You too." Jin hangs up the call, silently hitting his fist against the kitchen counter as he lets out a deep sigh. More than ever, he wanted to keep you wrapped around his finger. He wanted to keep you there, no matter how selfish that sounded. There was no way he was going to let you unravel.

[mayonnaisetoffees]

Mayo's Fic Recs

List of my favourite fics below the cut; this list is a WIP and completely personal taste; a mix of fandom classics and lesser knowns

Please remember to leave comments and kudos for the authors and podficcers!

*shows particular favourites

Fandoms currently included: Spn, Merlin, Les Mis, BatFam

Fics That Changed Me Fundamentally

Loaded March*** by Footloose. Merlin | E | 1.26M(Series)/ 35k (First part) | 188k hits (First part)

The reason SAS Captain Arthur Pendragon can’t keep a communications specialist in Team Excalibur because none of them are good enough. And then Lieutenant Merlin Emrys gets assigned to his squad, and Arthur does everything he can to prove that Merlin isn’t good enough, either. Except he is.

You can read all about my thoughts on Loaded March here, here, and here. Basically this fic series is beautifully written, has absolutely delicious UST, has found family, magic, and high stakes. It’s been part of my life for almost a decade now, I made friends through LM that I still have to this day, and it genuinely changed me as a person. Plus there are 78k of Extras to itch that I Finished Now What scratch. Parts 1-5 have been podficced and you can find them in works inspired by this one in each part.

Down to Agincourt*** by Seperis. Supernatural | E | 1.12M(Series)/ 154k (First part) | 73k hits (First part)

The world’s already over and they’re already dead. All they’re doing now is marking time until the end.

S7!Dean is transported back to the aftermath of where 5x04 The End left off. Much like LM, DtA was one that I avoided for a while. I didn’t think it would be my thing. I’m not usually into End!verse, it sounded so bleak from the summary, and it sounded so long for something I wasn’t sure about. If you’re reading this and nodding along? You are as much a fool as I was. Yes, it’s the end of the world. But it’s not over yet. This is a beautiful journey in what it means to be yourself, how to survive the end of the world, a How-To for Coups, and a study in food as a love language. I only read this fic this year, but like LM, it has genuinely changed me. Map of the World has been podficced.

Supernatural

Let’s start with the current hyperfixation. All of these are at least passively Dean/Cas unless otherwise stated. I've split into ones from my first time around in the SPN fandom and more recent ones because the vibes are actually really different and it took me some time to adjust (Not in a bad way! In a time has passed they have grown as characters way)

Old-School SPN (AKA the Classics my first time around)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Home in Motion* by nomdeplume13 M | 232k | 48k hits

Castiel swore he was done with spur of the moment decisions that permanently changed Dean Winchester's life. A year after the angel's most disastrous, his newest may present the largest challenge of dean's life: Fatherhood.

Did someone say kid!fic in canonverse? This is perfect. Canon divergence from the end of S6. Cas saves a baby from a neglectful mother and gives him to Dean to raise. They all move in with Bobby. Great OCs. Bobby considers Cas his son. Listen everything I say here will not be able to begin to encompass how much I love this fic. Just trust me on this one.

Named* by RC_McLachlan M | 95k | 95k hits

Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.

With a summary like that, need I say more? No but I'm gonna. This is one of the funniest fics I've ever read, but it doesn't take any emotion from the serious moments, if anything it heightens them. There are so many quotes from this I think about all the time. It was written in 2010 and so there's a bit of misogyny/character assassination of Anna in places.

Second Childhood by CloudyJenn (read by exmanhater) G | 16k (1h30) | 10k hits

"Dude, I can't do this whole thing by myself," Dean said with far more desperation leaking into his tone than he liked. It would just be too much to make it through hell and death and Lucifer only to have Castiel bail on him because of a frigging baby.

They beat the Apocalypse (OG-S5) and then Sam gets de-aged by a spell. I've listened to this so many times I know it by heart, it's an ultimate comfort fic to me.

Defy Any and All Expectation* by Tenoko1 (read by Tenoko1) M | 138k (14hrs) | 37k hits

Chuck's newly released books tell of another war between Heaven and Hell. Team Free Will sets out to try to defy prophecy, only to realize there is a lot more at stake and amiss than the not-quite-accurate words of one Prophet of the Lord. Along the way, Dean and Cas' relationship continues to evolve into something neither expected or were prepared for, all of their lives transforming in ways no one could have expected. But with no shortage of cases, monsters, and mayhem, it's going to require the help of new friends and old enemies if they're to have a hope of saving the world one more time. Alternate Season Six.

So this is a re-written version of Tenoko1's The Path We Choose which I don't think is around anymore. By the time I was reading the re-write as each chapter came out, I knew every single line of TPWC and it wasn't all that much shorter. It's such a perfect canon divergence because they are all 100% in-character. If you're into podfic, you already know what an absolute gift 14 hours is, but if you have never tried podfic before, Tenoko1 is a fantastic place to start. Her voice is soothing and energetic and her Cas sometimes comes to mind when I'm reading fic in Misha's place (sorry Misha)

His Fucking Kids 'Verse by 8sword M | 96k(Series)/ 3k (first part) | 26k hits (first part)

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

Emma survives and Dean and Cas are raising her and Claire. This fic series will make you laugh, make you cry, and (nowadays) make you wish Emma had survived to be a part of Wayward Sisters.

One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict E | 22k | 37k hits

While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

Dean breaks his legs, and honey!Cas brings home some kittens to foster. It's achingly sweet and also painful because you know Dean wants to fix Cas but there's nothing to fix. It is tagged for ableism for this.

Tripping* by Hatteress E | 49k | 78k hits

That time the universe decided Dean belonged with Cas and wasn't afraid to pull out the big guns to make it so. Big guns in this case being obsessive fangirls, archangels turned tricksters and overly enthusiastic cupids. Welcome to Dean's life.

Alt!S5 and it is beautiful. Also any fic with Missouri is an automatic win.

Broadway Musical by Grifitings M | 12k | 79k hits

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle. The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at. Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

Jimmy deserves a sainthood and frankly I don't even want to hear about crack if it's not on the level of the Host yelling at Cas not to touch the butt.

Classic AUs (AKA AUs from my first time around)

Try Something Tuesday by almaasi E | 48k | 144k hits

Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He's new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean's curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not? Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only...

This was one of the first spn fics to really really stay with me and it never really left.

Rock 'n' Roll Queer Bar by ChasingRabbits E | 127k(Series)/ 8k (Part1) | 29k hits (Part1)

Ellen and Jo Harvelle run Harvelle's Roadhouse, a bar that unintentionally becomes a beacon for wayward queer souls. Her employees: Dean, the smartass runaway with a big heart and bigger mouth; Castiel, the college drop-out turned hippie; his (surprisingly heterosexual) trouble-making brother Gabriel; and Charlie, who has been told several times that the back room is not to be used for after-hours Dungeons & Dragons games. But there's a lot of love in this place, and a new family for anyone who may otherwise be without.

This series. If you've ever felt unsure or out of place or anxious or just really felt like no-one understood you, this fic is for you. I first found this series when I was coming to terms with my queerness and I genuinely think it was invaluable. Also I am a sucker for the go for a dinner at Cas's family and end up storming out trope.

Play It All Night Long by janie_tangerine (read by Tenoko1) NC17 | 43k (4hrs)

The rom-com-ish one where Dean hosts a late night radio show, Castiel is a regular listener of his who starts calling one day and ends up calling more often than not and Dean finds himself liking it. This, until one day Castiel calls for not exactly petty reasons (just before Dean's brother Sam is visiting with his girlfriend for spring break) and things get very, very crowdy at his place. He also doesn't know it's just the beginning of it. Also features Gabriel, Chuck, Andy, the Roadhouse crew and a huge amount of music quoted. Especially Bob Dylan.

Again, this podfic has got me through many a night of insomnia. Cas calls in after a particularly shitty day and it all goes from there.

New-School SPN (AKA post-2014)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Tall Grass by aeli_kindara E | 57k | 28k hits

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says. Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away. Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

There is a reason you will see this recced time and time again. It healed parts of me I didn't know needed healing.

So Says the Sword* by komodobits E | 85k | 73k hits

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’ Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected

I saw ssts mentioned in like every single If you're getting back into the fandom READ THIS rec list. For good reason. It's described as "canon-adjacent in that seasons one to three happened exactly the same, but when Dean goes to Hell, he is not raised by Castiel". It's one of the most interesting concepts I've read and it's one of those fics where the writing style will stick with you. Castiel POV in a way you've never read before.

Aching in the Absence of You* by sobsicles E | 95k | 9k hits (in 5 days)

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back. He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales. "Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time. By nightfall, Cas is gone.

If you don't already know sobsicles, I am delighted to introduce you to the person who will smash you to pieces with a hammer to put you back together Kintsugi-style. This one is post-finale but without 15x18 (it'll make sense as it goes). Cas says he's going to leave again and again Dean doesn't ask him to stay. Full of lines so beautiful they'd make Shakespeare weep, Sobsicles has this way of writing that is so evocative and paints such a clear picture. Fair warning, if you're Dean-coded, this might be A Lot.

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination)** by sobsicles E | 108k | 25k hits

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next. ~~~ Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want." "What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before." "Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out." "Easier said than done."

Yes, two sobsicles recs back to back. This one I read first and it still holds such a special place in my heart. A sign of a good fic is being able to picture it perfectly. The sign of an amazing fic is that when reading this I was so in Dean's shoes I could feel a pool cue between my hands and Baby behind my back. And I sobbed like a baby in this. It has probably my favourite ending ever. It's genuinely beautiful. If you don't read another on this list, read this one.

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara M | 52k | 14k hits

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean. (A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

The ultimate Cas character study and interwoven with poetry.

So There It Is, I've Said It All by PorcupineGirl (read by Ceewelsh) G | 4k | 13k hits

"Why, do you have something you need to say to me that you don't think I'll like?" I think I'm in love with you. "Yeah. I guess so."

Dean figures out he's in love with Cas then can't stop thinking it. This is genuinely beautiful and if you've ever had trouble actually saying the thing you're thinking, you'll relate to Dean here. I recently did the podfic for this.

you won't find this place alone by amidsizedfrog G | 9.5k |

When Claire said she was dropping out of college to pursue hunting full time, Dean said, “right,” and left the room. Or, the cross-generation conversation about formal education, choosing your own path and figuring out what it looks like to find a family. Or, in other words: "But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell-attitude, and I'll figure it out." - Dean Winchester

This is a beautiful look at education in the hunter world, and I love anything that looks at Dean and Bobby's relationship and this does it perfectly. Also best cameo ever.

Seek to Know You Better by ahurston E | 33k | 23k hits

Dean and Cas, a long stretch of highway, and 36 questions empirically designed to make two people fall in love. As if they weren't already.

This is perfect. It has a lovely slow pace like it has the vibes of an indie film if that makes sense? Like it's two guys going from place to place talking. It was an instant favourite.

Newer AUs (AKA more recent AUs)

And This, Your Living Kiss* by opal_bullets M | 57k | 69k hits

Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen.

When I asked which fics were absolute must-reads for someone who'd been out of the fandom a few years, this was said repeatedly. But what really got me to read it was everyone actually told me more about what it meant to them than just the summary. It's a study in poetry, a study in learning who you are and who you used to be, and a reminder that it's never too late.

The Graveyard Shift* by riseofthefallenone, PurgatoryJar E | 620k | 175k hits

Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.

A fantastic magical realism fic - magical creatures live and work with humans. Gabe and Cas run a coffee shop, Dean is a fireman, and the burn is slow and delicious and the intrigue kept me reading for like a week every single spare minute.

Painted Angels by WinJennster E | 106k | 162k hits

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing. Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

The first part of this I actually saved back when I was first in the fandom but I never got around to reading it (I had a To Read folder of 100+ fics that I absolutely dove into when I got back into spn) and the rest of the series finished in 2016 so I'm counting it in this section not the other. On the one hand, I wish I'd read this when it first came out. It's beautiful and heartbreaking, and so visual. On the other hand, I think I appreciated it a lot more now than I would have seven years ago. The parallel of me coming back to the old fandom that I loved dearly with Cas coming back to see someone and places he loved so much really hit. (Although coming back to the spn fandom was much easier and much less heartbreak!)

Finale Fix-Its (yeah fuck you Dabb that this has to be a whole category)

The Goldenrod Revisions by aethylas M | 66k | 15k hits

A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.

Script format re-write of 15x19 and 15x20 into a 5-episode finale fix-it. As far as I'm concerned, this and chocolatecakecas's American Pie fanvid are the Supernatural finale.

break the skin (to break the barriers)* by sobsicles M | 30k | 9k hits

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment. ~~~ Dean is silent for a long, tense moment, then he gruffly says, "It's not for banishing the angels. It's to summon them. So, it doesn't—it's not to get rid of 'em, but to draw 'em in." Mitzi can't help but glance up at him at that. His voice is so heavy with so much unexplained pain, and she doesn't understand why, or what angels have to do with it. She knows religion can impact people. She's very aware that it can get complicated, and that it can be a huge source of pain for someone, but Dean sounds grievously wronged, somehow, as if it's a truly personal thing. She pushes through, focusing back on her job, clearing her throat before murmuring, "Well, I guess we all want angels to visit us sometimes." "Just the one," Dean mumbles. "Your guardian angel?" Mitzi asks. Dean breathes out, "Something like that. As close to one as an angel will ever get."

Therapy through getting tattoos and telling your life story to someone who obviously doesn't think it's real. Outsider!POV not just done well, but done literally the best.

Kingdom Come by ahurston E | 17k | 10k hits

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

I don't know if this counts as finale fix-it as it's more fuck the finale we're ignoring that. There's just so much love and care in this fic.

The Family Business by chai_lattes M | 16k | 5.5k hits

It's all over. It's been weeks since Chuck's defeat and Cas' return from the Empty. There are no threats on the horizon, no apocalypses to stop, but there's something that keeps the Winchesters from being happy. Something that's maybe always been there. On their way back from a hunt, they find John Winchester, back from the dead.

If you're anything like me, you start rubbing your grubby little hands together at the tag John Winchester's A+ Parenting like yes let's address this! This is one of the best examples of John coming back and how it jars with the life that they have built. Also Claire and Jack getting to share screentime!

Merlin

If I have a forever fandom, it's Merlin. I've always kept one foot in this fandom, and it introduced me to fandom, and most importantly to podfic which kinda had an impact. All Merthur unless stated.

Canon-Verse

Seven Magpies by syllic (read by lunchee) E | 33k (3hr15) | 58k hits

Arthur opened his eyes a minute later to the sight of seven magpies streaking across the top of the clearing, their shapes dark against the white clouds and the muted grey of the sky. He tried to remember what it was that seven magpies meant—he'd had a nurse who had sung the rhyme to him as a child—but couldn't. Arthur wakes up somewhere he doesn't recognise, but where he clearly belongs.

Okay so this is an AU but it's Canon-AU so it's going here. Fantastic role reversal fic that you will be thinking about for weeks.

and from your grace, i fell by TheDragon (read by Ceewelsh) T | 4.6k (41mins) | 13k hits

“Where’s Merlin?” he asks the maid. “Where’s that idiot of a Court Sorcerer?!” “Begging your pardon, Your Majesty. I thought you knew,” the maid replies, not daring to look him in the eyes. “He’s taken ill.” “And he couldn’t be bothered to tell me himself that he would be unable to attend today’s council meeting?” Arthur questions, voice full of acid. “He hasn’t woken since he collapsed two days ago, Sire,” the maidservant says, blissfully unaware that what she’s saying the power to stop Arthur’s heart in its tracks.

When I first read this, it had me completely transfixed. I could not stop reading. It was so raw and so full of emotion. I was then lucky enough to get TheDragon in our exchange, so I did a podfic for it and it's probably the most proud I've been of one.

Modern AU

The Student Prince* by FayJay (read by FayJay) M | 145k (15hrs) | 696k hits

A Modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love...

A classic is a classic for a reason. I'm also pretty sure this introduced me to podfics so like special place in my heart x2. Did you know if you filter AO3 by hits on Merlin, this has 426k more hits than the second result? Now that is a Fandom Classic.

Drastically Redefining Protocol* by rageprufrock (read by lunchee) E | 46k (5hr30) | 269k hits

In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose.

As I always say, if this can happen to me and I still love the fic, nothing is going to change that. Arthur hides from his duties in a cupboard and gets stuck in there with a chainsmoking med student.

Fundamental Imperfections by Starlingthefool (read by bravenclawsome) M | 12k (1hr35) | 123k hits

In which an argument about Dickens leads to a Twitter scandal, broken bones, midnight conversations, and transatlantic longing. (Or, an AU with Arthur and Merlin as moderately famous authors.)

This fic has everything: Charles Dickens, long distance texting, Morgana choking a Sherlock cosplayer with his own scarf. This is the ultimate comfort fic and I compare all fics to this even when they're incomparable. I never read the sequel because it was WIP and I was waiting for it to complete, it hasn't been updated since 2015 and apparently ends on an unhappy note, so if you're going to read the sequel you have been warned.

Les Mis

Modern!AU

Overzealous Oddities by YassHomo e/R, Courf/Cosette/Marius, Comb/Ép | G | 6.4k | 4k hits

Courfeyrac: Remember when I smashed our tv and we laughed about it? Enjolras: No. Courfeyrac: Let me rephrase Courfeyrac: I've smashed our tv, lets laugh about it.

I love me a text fic and this is in my opinion the best one around. Just look at that summary. I have quoted that so many times.

But Paris was a very old city and we were young* by GingerNinjaAbi E/R, Courf/Jehan | M | 99k | 42k hits

Perhaps somewhere in between all the cups of coffee, shots of tequila, sunny March days, terrible lumpy jumpers, love, cigarettes, drunken nights and the desire to change the world they'll all leave Paris with a degree in something. Or not. Grantaire's money is on no. But he's a pessimist who's hopelessly in love, so perhaps his opinion shouldn't count.

The ULTIMATE modern!AU tbh.

Tagged by Salomonderiel E/R, Courf/Jehan | E | 155k | 28k hits

So there's this artist. He could probably be compared to Banksy, but he's a lot more... cynical. He shares rooms with a poet who braids his hair with flowers, in a flat near Covent Garden they rent from a short-tempered shop keeper with a penchant for fans and who'd do anything if you mentioned Poland. Sometimes, the three of them will go and deface public buildings in London whilst completely smashed off their heads. And then there's this, shall we say, 'revolutionary'. He has a band of other revolutionaries, who all meet at this cafe by Borough Market. He shares rooms with his best mate, a philosophy student, spends too much time with a flirty guy who has a thing for poets, goes boxing with a guy in a red vest, wants to punch the wet sop who drools on the blonde waitress and is getting tired of this guy who keep breaking his laptops through sheer dumb luck. Thank god the hypochondriac's there to keep an (slightly too) attentive eye on their stress levels. The revolutionary thinks the graffiti artist's work is a waste of space. The artist thinks the revolutionary's campaigns are a waste of time. And all the while, the poet and the flirt drool over each other in the background...

This is perfect and it's funny and it's beautiful and it rips my heart out multiple times.

Canon

To Be Free by kjack89 (read by Ceewelsh) Gen, Cosette/Marius | T | 3.8k (32mins) | 375 hits

Three blows from a bayonet had transfixed Combeferre’s breast, followed by a fall from the barricade as he rapidly lost first blood and then consciousness. But neither of these, it seemed, was enough to kill him, as much as later he might perhaps wish that they were.

I read this because it was on a list kjack89 did of their favourite fics which don't necessarily have the same hits traffic. It's nothing I would have usually read (canon era, not e/R, MCD) but I am so glad I gave it a go. It's a study on what if Combeferre had survived the barricades too and the guilt. This stayed with me for days afterwards until I eventually messaged kjack89 to get permission to podfic it.

BatFam

Canonish (I don't know differences between canons but these are all they're superheros fics)

Robins United by laceymcbain (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | T | 49k (6h15)/ 19k (2h25) (First part) | 103k hits

Bullets, knives, a three story fall, even a fucking crowbar hadn't managed to keep Jason down permanently, but Dick Grayson (and the rest of his "family") was going to kill him with kindness.

The ultimate batbros series. Also if you haven't heard reena_jenkins' podfics before, you are welcome. Pre-pandemic I took a lot of public transport and reena_jenkins kept me sane.

batcoons by drakefeathers (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | G | 6k (49mins) | 14k hits

Jason and raccoons have a lot in common. (Additionally: his so-called family are much bigger pests than the stray animals hanging around his safehouse.)

This is funny, it's heartwarming, and it's a really good character study.

AU

Here Comes the Sun by batsy_rocks Clark/Bruce | T | 19k | 20k hits

Clark Kent is a kind-hearted reporter working in the big city. Bruce Wayne is a stressed dad of four with no idea of what he's doing. Then they meet.

Bruce Wayne is a Tired Single Dad™. It's genuinely such a sweet fic.

[amythecinnabunny]

Space AU and Time Travel for Juke 👀 <33

Holy shit holy shit holy shit ok ok ok ok first of all AKDBJSJSJJEJE YES

Okay okay so let me try to iron out the mess in my head skxbjsjjd I hereby apologize if things get out of order or whatever but I am literally vibrating with excitement someone please write this I'll love you forever

Ok so I'm thinking also an aged up au for ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* reasons *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ sjsnnsn

Also, I've done this before and I'm gonna do it again, but Bobby and Trevor are two different people for the sake of the timeline here.

Time frame for this would be WAY into the future. Humanity has gone galactic. We also had our asses handed to us by several alien planets but we probably deserved it. Anyway, after we got rid of Elon Musk, we eventually made peace with the aliens and now roam the galaxy freely. 20-30yo generally try to get into a different fleet, just to learn about other races. Think all those alien ships adopts a human posts.

Julie, Carrie and Flynn are my three girl geniuses. They're like,,, the smartest people in every room. They've been like this since freshman year of college. Julie, Carrie and Flynn also all want to get into the student exchange program, which is exactly what you think it is. Alien races (and this now includes humanity) swaps out older students with each other so they get a feel of what the other race is like. It's fun, educational, and! You get to make super long distance pen pals!

I'd also have so much fun making up new memes???? It would be so fucking stupid tho but I love it.

Anyway, so after a few years of jumping through the exchange programme, hoping from planet to planet, unfortunately, without their bestfriends :<, the three of them qualify to board research ships!!!

So at like 23-25, my girls come back together on the same ship!! Its a massive thing and so they've hired so many interns from so many different races. It's like a landing hub for several smaller ships. They have like 10 interns per species and that's only because there are laws against having too many of one kind after they put 50 humans on a space station and the humans tried to take over. Also, humans multiply faster than the others. This terrifies some races.

Anyway, the ship's really just a bunch of college kids from different planets trying to avoid exam season by submitting research papers from their ship. They all bond over deadlines, breakups and coffee (or the alien equivalent thereof)

Flynn dated an alien girl for a while. They were cute. Flynn: as a lesbian, it's my duty to date all the women in space

This is also where they run into Willie!!! Yay, Willie!!!

Nick Danforth-Evans and Kayla Evans-McKessie are around ... somewhere ... in bunk beds like the little toddlers they wish they were, crying about the 15 page essay on why Xjsbsjdjd is a very intelligent race that we could learn a lot from (yes, that is a keysmash I'm too buzzed to be creating alien species names sjdjjdjd)

Carrie and Nick do date for a while but then Carrie hooked up with Kayla. Bisexual queen who?

Julie met Willie that time she didn't sleep for over 48 hours because she had a research paper due within a week and she hadn't started yet and it was 10 000 words on her experiences with the Psjxjjdkeiwj race. Luckily for her, the kid she bumped into and spilled an energy drink all over had the same paper and helped her finish it. Willie sometimes goes by the nickname Lifesaver, thanks to Julie. This confuses the metaphor-less people because Willie's never saved anyone's life?? So why is he a lifesaver??

ANYWAY ON TO THE TIME TRAVEL BIT

On their own, Julie, Carrie and Flynn are professional smart people who know what they're saying and are clever enough not to do things with too many risks. In the same room, however, they turn into dumb geniuses who can and possibly may blow up the entire ship. It's a good thing they have Willie, Nick and Kayla to babysit them, right? WRONG. Willie Kayla and Nick egg them on.

They decide there going to gather all the information there is on time travel and they're going to decipher it and make it work! Yay!

When they find stuff in alien languages they start calling up their alien pen pals "hello what's this word mean in this context? What, haha oh no, it's a research paper on why time travel projects were abandoned before completion. Okay, thank you!"

Before long, they have a working time machine. I mean,, they hope so. And so they enter a random date from the past and prepare to pop their heads through just to see what the world looked like approximately 200ish years ago

2020s, post covid because that exists for joke reasons later, Sunset Curve is performing live for one of their biggest audiences yet when mid-song, the floor just opens them up and swallows them whole before vanishing. The crowd things it's a stunt but Sunset Curve's managers are flipping their shit

Back on the ship, the machine starts sparking and with a soft boom and a hiss, the power in that quadrant goes out -- not before Willie's is pelted in the face with a pair of drumsticks and then a whole person.

It's a miracle the drums survived the trip, pet alone everything else.

So now these sleep deprived geniuses and co. have to hide three people and several musical artifacts, plus the smoking remains of a time machine, from their Supervising Officer, who is regrettably, a human too.

And none of them are very good at lying.

Luke and Bobby are though, and after piecing together bits and pieces from the frenzied rambling around them, Luke and Bobby save the group.

Shenanigans ensue as they try to rebuild the time machine under the watchful eye of the SO, while trying to mantainbfake credentials for the boys and trying to explain their very dated clothing. (Yes, Sunset Curve STILL rocks the 90s vibe. In the 2020s. It's their thing.)

Willex happens in the background -- and I mean that very literally. (Jukebox having a tension moment, Willex making out in the background.)

Honestly I'm not sure yet how theyd solve the problems, whether they'd send the boys back or not or what, but I do know that they will all cause a BUNCH of problems in between.

Sometimes they play music just because they still can. Sunset Curve becomes a house band for the ship. They get broadcasted to neighbouring or passing ships like "hey, losers, we have live music, SUCK IT!"

Focusing on the jukebox aspect of this whole fic, that's gonna be a fucking hilarious slow burn.

It will definitely contain the lines "Oh my god, I have a crush on Julie." "Congratulations, you're officially the last to know." "What? Even [SO's Name] knows??" "Dude. The ship's navigation crew knows." "Does ... Julie know?" "No, you're both morons."

Julie is having the exact same conversation four hallways away.

They'd talk a lot about sending the boys back home and it'd be really quiet conversations when everyone else is asleep.

Julie and Luke write music together and after a while, Julie performs a few of them too. Thanks to the concerts, they meet the other human interns that were on the other end of the ship and Carrie and Kayla form Dirty Candy.

The ship becomes known as the party bus.

A thing that will happen: Luke helps Julie write one of her history papers that she gets an A+ for and a comment about how dedicated she was to have delved so far back in the history records to get authentic insight.

Julie and Luke speak in memes but they don't speak the same memes and it drives them both up the wall.

Luke says yeet one day and Julie's soul leaves her body because she hasn't heard anyone say yeet since she was a toddler back on Earth.

Julie: odd display, but acceptable.

Luke, physically experiencing a record scratch: what the fuck did you just say

That is all I have to offer because I'm afraid of plotting further and causing angst somehow.

oh one more thing, someone gets to bang an alien and it's probably Flynn.

Oh oh oh another one more thing. Reggie says "this is just like in Star Wars" for literally anything. The band goes along with it for shits and giggles. The rest of them are very interested in this ancient tale called Star Wars. Reggie sees a picture of Flynn and her green gf and says "hey, you dated photoshopped Yoda" and Bobby just loses his shit.

[wontshutup]

Clossest thing to Family: March 27, 2019 (Intro)

This is an idea that was written first for shifting purposes and suddenly turned into a narrative so, it might be a little of a personal self-insert, however, I decided to give it a try as a Y/N fic and well, I hope you like it.

It takes place during the first season of the Umbrella academy, this one however is more like and introductory chapter. 

It will contain spoiler as it tries to follow the show’s timeline, for obvious reasons some things will be changed to be able to introduce reader into it. I take no credit for the whole thing whatsoever, that one goes to Steve Blackman, Gerard Way and every brilliant mind included in the thought process to bring this amazing series to life.

Warnings: mild swearing, appart from that, I believe none.

English is not my first language, neither do I live in the USA, just in case there are a few things that might just feel a little out of the actual social context in the narrative. Also, the italics are meant to be thoughts, however it all is narrated in first person (your POV) so idk if that makes sense rn.

I had just made it up the stairs from the subway station, only to be met by the rather unwelcoming cold of the raindrops, the rain was quick to go from a light shower to a heavy pour. I pulled my scarf a little higher, trying to cover myself, and clutched my backpack as I ran to the nearest place I could shield myself from the rain. I rushed under a small tented window  shop and dived my hand into my bag, rummaging my way inside it in search for my umbrella as fast as I could, I had to be fast, the weather kept on dropping and my immune system couldn’t afford a cold right now. Unfortunately, life had different plans from me today

 "You've gotta be kidding me" I sighed out, scolding myself today of ALL days, really!?! With no other choice but to navigate my way as best I could to avoid getting wet, I made my way to where I was meant to go, my every muscle begging for a warm bath, but no time, the place was most likely closing any second now.

As I rushed to the small lab I felt the vapors that my body had generated by the long hours of training and the crowded subway starting to seep through my jacket at a worrying pace, threatening to leave me defenseless from the dropping temperature and raising the chances of catching a cold.

Reaching my destination, I pushed the door in a rush to get inside, the warmth from the heater spread through my cheeks giving a slight welcoming feeling for which I was very thankful.

"How can I help you?" asked the lady at the desk without even looking at me causing me to regret this stop already. I was taken off of what could've been a perfectly warm subway ride and a brief rush to catch the bus home, but nope, that was not it now.

"I came to pick up some sample results" still no attention from her, I let out a loud, dramatic sigh, now earning an annoyed look from her Geez and took out a receipt I had in my pocket "Here" I slapped it in her desk, maybe a tad bit harder than I had intended to. "Please?," I said giving her a forced smile to which she scoffed. 

"Wait over there".

Oh, Diego, you owe me on this one...I really did not have time for this, I was already getting pretty late and the rain was not ceasing any second now. Then again, if we were counting on debts, this was nothing compared to the one I had with Diego. Besides it was only picking up a couple of blood test results or "pieces of evidence" as he likes to call them, no big deal, so I took a seat and embraced myself to warm up better.

I allowed myself to feel a little bit more relaxed inside the place, enjoying the sensation while it lasted before having to, once again, rush against the weather to get home.

There was almost no one in the waiting room, of course, it was too late now, the few faces there seemed equally as tired as I felt, and I got it, however, being here must be really important to be waiting almost at midnight,  again, I got that too.

I grabbed a 2017 National Geographic that was laying on the center table and started reading, getting lost in the beautiful landscapes shown on each page, an announcement on the place's tv filled my ears, catching my attention.

"Breaking news, the world's most eccentric billionaire, traveler Sir. Reginald Hargreeves, better known as the founder of The Umbrella Academy has officially passed away today, stay with us for further detail." Diego. 

Putting down the magazine I quickly grabbed my phone and dialed his number, no beep, immediate voicemail. "Shit" I whispered. I tried again but nothing, again, voicemail. My hands started to become a little shaky but thankfully I was brought out of my trance.

"Diego Hargreeves?" called out the lady from the desk, I had to pick up the results, bringing the attention of the few strangers there upon me. It is not me guys, of course, please look away. I noticed the secretary's face was softer now, not soft thought,  pity was more like it. I hate pity. 

"I'm sorry about your grandfather" Oh so that's why. 

"He's not my-she raised her eyebrows expectantly.-ah, nevermind" and with that I grabbed the results and left as fast as I could, shoving the papers in my bag I started dialing again.

Does he know already? Voicemail. How will he take it? Machine. Is he even safe now? "This is Diego, you know what to do"

 "Fuck!" I was done with this, every night the exact same thing.

I keep trying to reach him, deliver the announcement in a more personal way than the news on TV could, not only because I care about him, but because as volatile as he is, the man has no actual impulse control and clearly no regard for his safety, otherwise, he wouldn't go out every night to "be the hero", well, how about picking up for once Mr. Hargreeves?!

Diego had told me little bits about his life every once in a while, how he lived and trained as part of the Umbrella Academy, but always seemed to hold back, keeping things to himself, and even if he had clearly expressed at some point that his father "is (or at least was) a monster" he seemed to care deeply about his opinion (more than he would let be known), and honestly, I had no idea of how was he going to react to such news, and at this point, I decided not to care.

As I paced angrily towards....I didn't know where I was heading, I was so lost in my worries for the man that I hadn't noticed I made it way farther from the station. 

“ACHOO” Oh no, that wasn't good. The one thing I was trying to avoid was catching up to me, I had to think fast...

Well, I was too tired now to go all the way back to the station, sit through another subway ride and wait for a bus that would take me home this time and under this weather, even if the rain had dialed down a little, the wind had become sharper, besides, the streets were getting darker and unsafer by the second, thus going back definitely wasn't the friendliest option. On another hand, I could stop a cab right now, and no, I am not crazy nor rich enough to pay for a ride all the way home, but I could take the money I have and in a matter of seconds be at the Hargreeves Manor just before I can actually catch a cold and hopefully get some rest? Besides, I had to meet them at some point, express my condolences to my mentor's family? Plus, knowing Diego, he is probably going to skip going back home and head there directly. 

“ACHOO”,that sneeze shook my body to one conclussion. It is settled, this I will regret later.

I ran to the side of the street, cold hitting my face, but just in time a cab came by "Hey, taxi!".

"Where to?" Heart pounding in my chest I gave the driver the simple name.

"Hargreeves Manor" he looked at me stranged from the rearview mirror, almost as if he knew this was a bad idea, honestly I share the thought. He took a couple of seconds as if allowing me to reconsider, and so I did...

“ACHOO....Agh-Please go" and so he started the car.

Well, guess there is no turning back then, it is time to meet the Hargreeves....

[peachdoxie]

Aliens? Please explain

If you’re reading this, beware of MAJOR SPOILERS for the entirety of the Stormlight Archive so far, and brace yourselves for a massive infodump. Also I tried to put this under a read more but for whatever reason tumblr put it inside the ask itself.

Yes, there are many aliens or descendants of aliens in the Stormlight Archive. First, though, a bit of an astronomy lesson...

Stormlight takes place in a dwarf galaxy, with a series of planets orbiting different stars. This is known as the “cosmere,”  Some of these planets are known as Shardworlds, meaning they have been Invested with magic energy (called Investiture), which manifests differently from Shardworld to Shardworld.

The cosmere is comprised of three Realms: the Physical Realm, the Cognitive Realm, and the Spiritual Realm. The Physical Realm is much like ours, though it has magic in it. The Cognitive Realm is the Realm of thoughts and minds, where ideas - how something thinks of itself - exist in pseudo-corporal forms (the exact metaphysics is unknown). The Spiritual Realm is the Realm of souls and how they Connect to each other. Note: everything has a soul, even non-living things. All three Realms exist universally in the Invested parts of the cosmere.

The Cognitive Realm is the most important of the three Realms in this discussion. While the Cognitive Realm roughly maps to the Physical Realm, distances aren’t quite the same, meaning that some things that are physically far apart are closer together in the Cognitive Realm. Some things have more cognitive presence than others (think humans vs a rock) and this corresponds to the size of their manifestation in the Cognitive Realm. Since there is very little cognitive presence in outer space, due to it being a vacuum, planets end up very close to each other in the Cognitive Realm.

It is possible for a person to transition between the three Realms at certain spots, called Perpendicularities, provided that that person is aware of how the cosmere works and/or is Invested enough to transition between Realms on their own. From here, they can “physically” navigate through the Cognitive Realm, using the shortened distances between planets as a way to “worldhop.” People who worldhop are called worldhoppers. Worldhoppers are the cosmere equivalent of extraterrestrial life.

Every book in the four main cosmere worlds - Stormlight, Mistborn, Elantris, and Warbreaker - have featured at least one worldhopper, though you have to be rather cosmere-aware to spot him sometimes (I’ll give you a hint: he often takes the form of a beggar or storyteller, and thinks himself very witty...). In Stormlight, which takes place on the planet Roshar - also the name of its only continent - there have been at least 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...plus another 10.............a lot. Big things are happening on Roshar, cosmere-wise, and a lot of people are making their way there, mostly for unknown reasons.

But this is in present-day Roshar, and not actually that big of a spoiler. This information is all part of the behind-the-scenes story of the cosmere that we get glimpses of through the various books and short stories. So what’s up with the big plot twist that most of the characters from Stormlight are descended from worldhoppers, aka aliens?

Well, for that we need to turn to some theology: specifically, Vorin theology, the main church in eastern Roshar that many of our beloved Alethis follow (or outright reject, in one case). Vorinism’s basic cosmology is as follows:

Humans once lived in the Tranquiline Halls, a world of peace.

The Voidbringers came from Damnation and drove them out to Roshar.

The ten Heralds fight the Voidbringers during each of the Desolations, a time of cataclysmic destruction that wipes out nearly all of humanity. They are accompanied by the Knights Radiant: normal people given the ability to Surgebind, or the ability to manipulate Roshar’s Investiture.

In Ahariatiam, the Last Desolation, the Heralds finally forced the Voidbringers back into the Transquiline Halls, where to this day the Heralds continue the fight against them.

Humans, when they die, return to the Tranquiline Halls. If they excelled in their Callings - what they are best at and devote themselves to developing - they will join the Heralds in their fight against the Voidbringers. Normal people just sleep, waiting the day when the battle is over.

The exact nature of the Tranquiline Halls is never explained, nor how the humans were expelled by the Voidbringers, but since it’s where human souls return after they die, it’s not a physical place so much as a metaphysical place. It’s like Heaven on earth. It’s not a physical place you go to so much as a non-physical place where your soul goes. This is how the Tranquiline Halls and Damnation (basically Hell) are treated in the Stormlight Archive by the practitioners of Vorinism.

Quite frankly, the average Rosharan doesn’t seem that concerned about the nature of the Tranquiline Halls. That’s a matter for the ardentia, the monks of Vorinism. Instead, Vorins are more concerned about Voidbringers. Though supposedly they’ve been trapped in the Tranquiline Halls with the Heralds, there are many folktales and superstitions about the Voidbringers still existing on Roshar. Knowledge about what, precisely, Voidbringers were is hard to come by. It’s been 4500 years since the Last Desolation, 2000 years since the Knights Radiant abandoned their oaths and betrayed mankind (an event known as the Recreance), and 500 years since a group of ardents known as the Hierocracy attempted to take over all of Roshar, purging as much information as they could of the Knights Radiant and the Recreance. This included much of the information about the nature of the Voidbringers. What _is _known is that they were extremely powerful and very dangerous, bent on destroying humankind after chasing them out of the Tranquiline Halls.

In the first book of Stormlight, Jasnah Kholin, the foremost scholar in all of Roshar (and avowed renouncer of Vorinism), discovered the origins of the Voidbringers: the parshmen. See, humans are not the only sentient humanoid species on Roshar. There are the parshmen, people with hardened carapace instead of skin, who are slaves to most of the kingdoms of Roshar because of their obedience, endurance, and low intellectual ability. Jasnah theorized that, at some point since Ahariatiam, humans figured out how to enslave Voidbringers into parshmen. This is quite the startling realization, because Jasnah, among others, believes that the Voidbringers are coming back. The Last Desolation may not have been so final after all....

In book two, the Voidbringers return. Enough parshmen who weren’t enslaved and retained enough intellectual ability to function (known as the Parshendi) summoned the Everstorm, a cataclysmic hurricane from their god Odium that returns to parshmen their ability to think, thus freeing them from enslavement. And it turns some parshmen into Voidbringers, and each pass of the storm returns more and more of them. The disgraced Knights Radiant have also begun to return, supported by their god, Honor, in order to fight the Voidbringers and protect mankind.

All of this changes in book three, Oathbringer, in chapter 111, “Eila Stele,” towards the end of Part Four, over a million words into the series. The Eila Stele is the oldest known written document on Roshar, carved into a stone and believed to be from before the Desolations began, rumored to be written by the Heralds themselves. However, until Oathbringer, it was written in a dead language called the Dawnchant, for which translations have been lost. Through a specific use of Investiture, though, Jasnah and her scholars are able to translate the Dawnchant and provide a translation of the Eila Stele, which reads:

They came from another world, using powers that we have been forbidden to touch. Dangerous powers, of spren and Surges. They destroyed their lands and have come to us begging.

We took them in, as commanded by the gods. What else could we do? They were a people forlorn, without a home. Our pity destroyed us. For their betrayal extended even to our gods: to spren, stone, and wind.

Beware the otherworlders. The traitors. Those with tongues of sweetness, but with minds that lust for blood. Do not take them in. Do not give them succor. Well were they named Voidbringers, for they brought the void. The empty pit that sucks in emotion. A new god. Their god.

These Voidbringers know no songs. They cannot hear Roshar, and where they go, they bring silence. They look soft, with no shell, but they are hard. They have but one heart, and it cannot ever live.

The original Voidbringers were not parshmen. They were humans who invaded Roshar after destroying their home planet, likely escaping through the Cognitive Realm and emerging into the Physical Realm on Roshar, the nearest planet.

The first and last paragraphs are where we find the proof of this. “They came from another world” is fairly clear, as is “They destroyed their lands.” The last paragraph is where we learn that the Voidbringers were humans, not parshmen, who actually call themselves the “singers”. The references to the Voidbringers bringing silence is due to the fact that singers are attuned to the Rhythms of Roshar, a cosmere-wide series of vibrations throughout the Spiritual Realm, though singers are the only ones able to feel/hear them. Humans cannot, and are therefore “silent.” They also are “soft, with no shell,” referring to the fact that they have skin instead of carapace.

The tl;dr of everything else is that after humans fled to Roshar, they were given land by the singers, who took pity on them. However, humans then tried to conquer other parts of Roshar that belonged to the singers. The singers’ gods (spren, aka parts of Honor) betrayed them for the humans, and so the singers turned to Odium - who had followed/chased/been brought by humans to Roshar from their original home - for help in order to fight back against the humans. In response, the Heralds worked with Honor to trap Odium’s soldiers in Damnation, ushering in the cycle of Desolations. The term “Voidbringer” is associated with Odium, and so basically anyone who’s allied with Odium, and thus became associated with the singers, as they were the soldiers of Odium. Eventually, the humans won. Or so they thought. Now, Odium and his soldiers returned, and humans once more are fighting to defend themselves from the Voidbringers.

This is where our beloved characters find themselves: fighting another war against Odium and the Voidbringers and facing another Desolation. Except this time, the rightfulness of the war is brought into question. Are the humans right to be fighting against the people who were just trying to defend themselves from humans in the first place? Previously, the humans had Honor on their side to ensure them of the morality of their battle, but Honor was killed by Odium shortly after the Recreance, when the Knights Radiant gave up their oaths upon learning the truth about the Voidbringers. Humans have no God to guide them anymore.

We haven’t yet seen the fallout from the translation of the Elia Stele. Pretty much immediately after the translation was published, an Everstorm approached, with only hours to prepare for a massive battle in which Odium made his first major overture of war. The book ended shortly thereafter. We will have to see what happens in book four, which comes out in November.

So yes. The biggest plot twist of the Stormlight Archive thus far is that it is actually a story about dealing with the effects of an alien invasion in which the aliens won but then forgot they were aliens. In book four, there our heroes will have to grapple with the dubious morality of their way and the themes of the book will include discussions about postcolonial theory and decolonization. In this essay I will

[modernidolater]

TW: Violence, dark humor, all that jazz. Go no further, angry shit, yadda.

So, yanno...i'm just gonna yell into the void about something.

When i was very young, I read a lot of encyclopedias. Most of my knowledge of the world was attributable to the Encyclopedia Britannica, which my mother kept because well, a home should have a nice, impressive looking set of books. Along with a bunch of other old books that just...really weren't the best choice for a regressive anti-technology apocalyptic fundamentalist cult, but then, as we used to joke, my mother doesn't have to make sense, she just has to make decisions.

So, I eventually started plumbing the depths to try and figure out "what the hell is wrong with my family."

While i didn't get an answer about my family in general, I did note that i seemed to be oddly suited to the definition of "psychopath," minus the whole "being a problem for society at large" thing. Asocial, low empathy, lack of guilt, inability to plan cohesively, difficulty conceptualizing consequences, near total lack of emotions except curiosity and rage, both of which are carefully stifled, aggressive tendencies...frankly, I look at my younger siblings and i can definitely assure anyone that asks that had I not been raised quite far away from society, or if I'd stayed in the cult, I would most definitely have been a problem for society.

But psychopaths are *monsters,* you see. They're so, so bad, you see. Everyone assured me, at great length, that I couldn't be that, no, no sirree. I was too nice. Too kind. I didn't punch people nearly often enough (largely because I don't like being punched outside of sex, and I like to be in charge of where I'm being punched, and even that mostly cause I'm kinda badly out together physically, but that's aside the point.)

I wasn't *hate-able.* My empathy was too high.

On that last note, I have spoken elsewhere and i believe here regarding my empathy. My empathy is specifically a learned skill picked up by reading Edgar Allen Poe's Auguste Dupin stories. Dupin explains his near preternatural ability to get inside people's heads by his learned skill of micro-mimicking body and facial language and then analyzing what he feels when he copies someone else. Works absolute wonders, particularly as up to that point (i was 8-9), I was using the classical technique of provoking and hurting people around me to experimentally figure out how other people worked. Admittedly, it's somewhat like recording a speech and listening to it at the lwvel of a whisper in a crowded room, but then mimicry is far less likely to get you punched, and see previous for my feelings on getting punched.

But now i had, for all intent, a system to demonstrate empathy. Thanks to my mother's abuse, I had a complete paranoid delusion aping guilt. I could check plans past others, and once I got my hands on Google at 14, I had the capacity to directly look up what the general, societal consequences of most actions were and model behaviors that achieved my ends. I further had 18 years of direct training in mind control and manipulation, thanks to my cult.

You may notice that what you just read sounds like the origin story of a serial killer. Ape people around them to avoid detection, paranoia making them scrupulous enough to not get caught, and careful study of laws to find the lines, plus a hyper manipulative persona.

Roll with me here. This continues forward.

So, i'm out and about, 2, 5, 6 years free of my cult. I have married a self avowed psychopath who actually HAS been diagnosed with antisocial disorder thanks to a teenage habit of theft and punching people. He is fairly sure I am not one, since I perform guilt and empathy fantastically, by rote at this point. I literally have days that my face hurts from faking emotions for too long, i am slowly developing agoraphobia because there are far too many people to mimic in a retail job, and my guilt subroutine is just a voice chanting in my head, "they're coming to get you, don't fuck up" 24/7 to the point that i am developing hallucinations, but yeah. It's definitely not psychopathy. At this point, that's just ASPD, and i'm just too darn social. Never that. I'm no monster, you see. I'm "nice."

About this point, I have learned to use mind control techniques to help people, carefully applying them with direct permission to help people open up and discuss problems. My near preternatural ability to get into people's heads, my ability to find information, and my absolute lack of fucks about morals (thus making me wildly nonjudgemental), makes me the go-to confidant for many of my friends. This neatly surrounds me with people that can smooth my life out, but you can't tell people you're friends with them cause the world is made of grey paste and you're deathly bored 24/7 and being allowed to pick through people's minds and help them optimize is the closest you get to not wanting to shoot yourself or others. Or that you carefully maintain contact with people so you can check and make sure you're not doing anything jail worthy. Or that a large group to mimic lets you blend in easier, and finding one that also is transgressive, but socially permissable (thanks, kink) blows off some steam.

Of course, people that don't know me find me deeply off-putting, as I am at this point rapidly learning to turn off the mimicry when not immediately interacting with people. This results in me appearing utterly emotionless, but as soon as people talk to me, bing, back on. I had also joined the kink subculture, giving my hedonistic and transgressive sides an outlet.

I'd also gone to the trouble of getting a multifaceted degree. Ostensibly, my degree is "multimedia journalism." If you aren't aware, this means I have a degree in research, interpersonal communication, public speaking, written communication, mass communication, some psychology, critical thinking, media creation and analysis. In short, I have the literal perfect degree for figuring out, communicating with, and functionally understanding people, as well as a vastly enhanced ability to locate obscure information.

Fast forward again. Three mental breakdowns, four years of therapy, poking at my gender, figuring out a lot of mental health problems, and a rotating series of diagnoses, life is...slowly improving. I've left a toxic marriage (toxic on both sides), moved to a completely new place, started over. I have sort of resigned myself to focusing on my (admittedly annoyingly complex and wide ranging) physical disabilities.

And it comes up, in talking to my partner, that his adoptive mother displayed (she's dead) quite a few signs of ASPD. And he asks curiously if there's any connection between ADHD, autism, and ASPD, mainly cause the "personality disorder" part. PD's can, with long or early exposure, sometimes be passed on, you see.

Guess what's being studied, right now? Not a connection between ASPD and ADHD. A connection between psychopathy and ADHD. Wait, but I thought psychopathy wasn't a thing, says I? I thought there was only ASPD, now?

Ah, but for you see, the DSM is a load of horseshit. And i have heard that from multiple communities with different relations to it, and from multiple therapists, psychiatrists, professors...as a general rule, when the people who use it, the people it's used on, and the people who teach it all agree that a document is manure, I get a touch distrustful. I get more so when current studies use umbrella terms disavowed by a document known for being reductivist and that has been noted as having a great number of entries that were manipulated deliberately to make them as narrow and unusable as possible.

So anyway.

Turns out that while no, ADHD and Autism don't make you a psychopath, there's a distinct overlap. Empathy issues are a possiblity in all three, though both ADHD and autism can create *hyper*empathy. Inability to navigate social constructs is another point of overlap.

But really, it's the serotonin deficiency that hurls it across the line for me. And the genetic factors. Can psychopathy result from environment? Yeah, seems so. But there does seem to be a genetic and neurochemical component. Which is...curious for a disorder presented as purely a traumatic abreaction that creates dangerous amorals.

I then looked it up. And wouldn't you know, psychopathy is only pathologized as ASPD/APD, and DPD? The former is the sort of psychopathy that is characterized by violent amd criminal antisocial behavior, and the other an inability to understand and perform social mores at all. But this is the DSM, so these are of course diagnosed by problems caused for others as a first line.

Violation of societal norms, lack of emotions other than rage, aggression...it's almost like the same people that named a serotonin and function deficiency Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder to enshrine the disorder only by those aspects that make neurotypical people uncomfortable rather than seeking to help the neurodivergent person, the same people that invented torturous behavioral correction therapies to "fix" the neurodivergent person? Those strike me as people that might possibly have looked a serotonin deficiency that causes rage, limited emotions, impulsivity, difficulty conceptualizing consequence, and potentially a hell of a lot of other fun side shit and decided to call that "Doesn't get along with others well" disorder.

What really kicks it in the teeth for me, however, is that psychopathy used to mean more than "a social pariah." You see, Theodore Millon, the guy that wrote the book on personality disorders, noted between 5 and 10 subtypes. Do you know what they are?

Nomadic

(including schizoid and avoidant features)

Drifters; roamers, vagrants; adventurer, itinerant vagabonds, tramps, wanderers; they typically adapt easily in difficult situations, shrewd and impulsive. Mood centers in doom and invincibility

Malevolent

(including sadistic and paranoid features)

Belligerent, mordant, rancorous, vicious, sadistic, malignant, brutal, resentful; anticipates betrayal and punishment; desires revenge; truculent, callous, fearless; guiltless; many dangerous criminals, including serial killers.

Covetous

(including negativistic features) Rapacious, begrudging, discontentedly yearning; hostile and domineering; envious, avaricious; pleasures more in taking than in having.

Risk-taking

(including histrionic features) Dauntless, venturesome, intrepid, bold, audacious, daring; reckless, foolhardy, heedless; unfazed by hazard; pursues perilous ventures.

Reputation-defending 

(including narcissistic features) Needs to be thought of as infallible, unbreakable, indomitable, formidable, inviolable; intransigent when status is questioned; overreactive to slights.

(It should be noted: the features listed above are simply what each presentation is most likely to display if disordered. A reputation-defender may not display narcissm, a risk taker may not be histrionic. A malevolent [what a terribly judgy name...] could be negativistic, or avoidant, or histrionic. And so on.)

Now, ya may be going, "wait, hold up, narcissism is on there! We still have that! Schizoid is on there, we have that! Sadism, paranoia, we got all those things!"

Flash quiz: do you know what a personality disorder is? It's a series of learned behaviors that require moderation and unlearning.

Why yes, they did spin multiple neurotypes off into diagnoses that require behavioral therapy to "fix." Why on earth would you think they wouldn't? They're still trying to use reparative therapy on auties. Hell, near as I can figure, histrionic got spun into Borderline Personality disorder. You know what the therapy for that is? DBT, aka, "it IS your fault and you SHOULD feel bad."

Beyond knowing there used to be different flavors, did you know that there is about a millionty scare articles about how psychopaths are everywhere? Guess why.

What do you get when someone has an absolute need to see what's on the other side of the hill and no real fucks to give about how you get there? You get scientists, explorers, people utterly driven to find out. Think about how many of our science and exploration heros are noted as deeply weird and off-kilter. We have whole stereotypes about this. There are books and articles devoted to the transgressive personas and behaviors of famous scientists and explorers.

What do you get when someone is belligerent, paranoid, truculent, violent, fearless? Snipers. Literally. The army has openly stated they like psychopaths quite a lot. Someone that can look at a map of human lives and commit calculus with the phrase "acceptable losses" makes a damn fine general, wouldn't you say? Hunters, too. Make a good king? Or bounty hunter. Or, if we're going to be honest, a martial artist. Hell, think of all the ways our society accepts violence in real terms and symbolically. Management. Video gamer. Espionage. Actuary. Pest control. There are THOUSANDS of of societal uses for people like this.

Covetous? Well, banks are openly quite loving towards psychopaths. CEOs are indicated here. Businessmen. Fandoms with collection as a function have any number of anecdotes of individuals who have an intense drive to get more. "Focused on the chase, rather than the victory, to the exclusion of all else" is considered a positive, laudable personality trait. To put it in other terms, "can't stop, won't stop, never done." Sports players, yes? Football, rugby, hockey...

Risk takers are the real standouts, in terms of societal love. Doctors. Firemen. EMT's. Skydivers. Extreme sports players. Equipment testers. The list goes on. Society loves risk taking psychopaths. Hell, look at the diagnostic criterion up there: it's mostly traits with high positive connotations.

Reputation defending? Politics. Law. Advertising. Acting. Writing. Religion. Leadership of any kind.

I'm not talking out my ass here. All those fields have been noted as friendly towards, attractive to, and having a high representation of people who fit the behavioral model of psychopath.

But only if they're useful. Like literally every other non-normative neurotype.

Society loves ADHD and autistic people when they're displaying savant abilities or when they can mask well enough to use their sensory and cognitive differences to societal ends.

And if they're a problem for people around them, that's treated. The underlying difficulties? The societal structures that punish and harm them? The pain of adapting their entire neurobiome to do all the work of interfacing with different neurotypes while being driven to harness anything useful and discard the rest of their brain? No, we don't treat that. That's just the price of doing business. "Pull yourself up and don't be a problem."

And here's the problem, in plain terms: psychopaths who learn to cope, to mask, to adapt like I did are never diagnosed. I have spent most of my life fairly concerned about the fact that I seem not to have emotions or compunction, that i am always consciously working to figure out and connect to people around me on the most basic level, that I am constantly working to keep an active model of social norms going at all times. And I don't mean "shake hands, eye contact." I mean I have the same mental conversation regarding "don't shoot that person" and "use a turn signal." All prosocial behaviors, all social behaviors period, are a struggle to understand.

The funny thing is, it also makes antisocial behaviors difficult. Shooting someone seems remarkably inconvenient in many cases. Regardless of whether I care about getting caught or not, shooting somone will interrupt my day.

Not shooting them also seems remarkably inconvenient in many cases. Yes, it'd be a pain in the ass to shoot them, but then again, if I do it correctly, I only have to do it once.

But again, "correctly" is a wildly unfixed variable, and the whole question won't come up if I always ensure I fail the "do i currently have a firearm" step. And I don't. Ever.

That's how my brain works. Y'all go on about moral and ethical and legal reasons. That's an exhausting conscious mental conversation to have every other day, so my shortcut is:

"Should I shoot them? Oh, right, I don't have a gun. Guess not. Should I get one? No, cause I might shoot someone, and that'd be a pain in the ass. Welp, no shooting people."

And so it goes. I don't understand any social norms. Good or bad. I have all the problematic issues still, mind you. Environmental factors. I mimic and I was raised in an apocalypse cult in Oklahoma. I spend a lot of brain space sorting between prosocial behaviors and the violent antisocial behaviors I was taught were prosocial.

Because, you see, I can't really understand the prosocial behaviors, but I can see they work. And antisocial behaviors don't, really. Have i impulsively pocketed something? Couple times. Even got away with. Can't steal a house, though. And theft gets boring, for me.

Ok, except piracy. I may quite enjoy piracy.

Cooperation with a larger whole can and does yield benefits. Forcing myself to sit through mind numbing gratification delays does seem to yield results that are beneficial, though I really try to keep that one to a minimum. I refuse to be bored if I can help it. Making nice talky sounds gets me shit faster than making angry talky sounds.

Possibly this is a result if being raised manipulative. No idea. Kinda don't care.

Point is, I'm one of the psychopaths that, while not immediately useful, is also not actively a problem. So no-one will listen when i talk about everything being gray and cold and exhaustingly complicated because people make no sense and almost all my emotions are dialed so far down it's a joke i lack the ability to laugh about.

No one has believed me that the one emotion I have in spades is rage and that i have to literally consciously work out from first principles why violence is a bad option as my sole method of controlling that, my ONLY EMOTION OF ANY STRENGTH, which I cannot allow myself to feel for any length of time because I start losing sight of that consequence model and I worry i'll make a mistake I can't unmake. Or that it took me two decades to learn not to smash things I need when someone looks at me funny. Or just smash them.

Or that i have to keep my hands in my pockets and chant "don't steal" in my head some days. That I wear tight clothing with shallow pockets to make stealing harder so that, like guns, I simply can't do it easily and therefore short circuit my behaviors.

People are more than happy to hurl me at any problem that requires a lack of emotion, but if I dare to be less than appropriately emotional on a date? At a wedding? Funeral? If I make an error and don't diagnose it myself and perform contrition appropriately, regardless of if I knew there was a social or personal rule there? Well, I'm fired/broken up with/punished/evicted.

But I am not actively a problem for society. So none of those things are worth diagnosing. Or helping in any way.

And those that are useful? Are often fed utter horseshit and encouraged to break society. Bankers creating recessions. Generals commanding useless wars. Cops. Doctors that uphold a broken system. Politicians that pursue a broken society.

I know, I can see, that ASPD people catch a shit ton of shit cause they get blamed for "useful" psychopaths mistakes, and none of the benefits when said same psychopaths are lionized. Looking back at what it was, and what it is now, pathologically speaking, it makes perfect fucking sense for the asshats that designed a diagnosis to only include the people they don't like as the "sick" ones, and label the "good" ones as "heroes." Makes a nice distinction there between people we want to demonize and people we want to lionize for having the exact same chemical imbalance, and neatly creates a fall group when any of the "heroes" trip up. Silence those who can't cope, elevate those that can, treat neither effectively, and if an elevated one stops coping, we can just "realize" they were "sick" all along, and oh, yeah, those sick people are so bad, you guys, nothing like those heroes at allllllll.

I am...so tired of this society bullshit.

So anyway, I'm a psychopath. Paranoid, some schizoid. So whatever grains of salt you feel like taking, grab 'em, I guess. I'd mostly like for people like me to stop being weaponized, lionized, or punished for having a different neurotype. I'd like to be able to talk to a doctor about that and for there to be some options beyond "stop that," "get locked up," "have you considered the army" (yes, a doctor actually asked me that as a teenager) or "you seem fine, tho."

And if you resonate with this, well...I'm 32, never been arrested, mostly managed to avoid terrible shit, and I've got a life, couple partners, and I'm surviving, so like. You can do this. Lotta people wanna tell you you can't have this or that cause "you're not bad, tho." They're stupid. Y'ain't evil, just different. Don't let them get to you.

And (this is a joke) if you decide to shoot someone, do it once, correctly. Saves time.

[armageddon-generation]

Batwoman Could’ve Been the PERFECT Batfamily Show

After Gotham ended so recently, Batwoman should've positioned itself as the Ying to that show's Yang by focusing on Batman's allies instead of his enemies.

The 'Bruce disappears hook is a brilliant way to do this

Kate is our audience entry point into this world

ORACLE + GORDON

Barbra Gordon has already been paralysed via The Killing Joke, and hasn't yet become Oracle - she's still recovering

Comissioner Gordon took an early retirement after his daughter was paralysed, which is why Kate's Dad's private security force the Crows runs the streets

Batwoman and the series' events inspire him to return and reclaim Gotham for the Law by the end of season 1

TIM DRAKE + WE ARE ROBIN

Robin disappeared with Batman, so we can introduce the We Are Robin gang. At the beginning of the season they're just criminals, but after Kate defeats their ringleader she shows them a better outlet for their rage, and inspires them. Duke Thomas (future Signal) is among them

Once the we Are Robins are established Tim Drake returns to Gotham. Kate is surprised - few people outside of Gotham know there have been multiple Robins. This way we can explain the different versions to people not in the know

Just like after Bruce was sent back in time in the comics, Tim has gone travelling the world as Red Robin, searching for him. Tim heard about the Robins causing civil unrest and is concerned about them marring Robin's good name.

Tim and Kate clash over the Robins' chaotic, violent modus oprendi - Tim enforces a philosophy of Robin as the light to Batman's dark - promoting positivity, not violence. A loose adaptation of the Robin War storyline follows where Duke Thomas emerges as the Robins' leader and rallies them to be more controlled and less violent

Tim leaves after this mini-arc, satisfied Gotham is in good hands. He also teaches Kate more about the detective side of Batman - he isn't just a blunt instrument. Tim will be our primary link to the 'Bruce's location' mystery throughout the series

NIGHTWING

Dick arrives in Gotham on a case from Bludhaven. Kate thinks he's abandoned Gotham - he should've taken up the mantle while Bruce was gone.

Explore Dick's troubled history with Bruce (not to F**k Batman levels), how Babs being Batgirl caused him to quit, and the one-two punch of Jason Todd's death and Barbra's paralysis only validated his getting out while he could

Tender scenes between Dick and Babs alluding to thier teenage crushes on each other.

As a cop, Dick hates the Crows being on Gotham's streets and more actively conflicts with Kate's father, driving up the tension between them and Batwoman

RED HOOD

This arc would be like a finale-style thing

Jason Todd returns and starts assassinating criminals with the ambition of 'controlling' crime. Kate is a soldier, more brutal than Bruce, so she has greater sympathy for Jay's methods

Jay is after the Joker. Like in The Dark Knight Returns, the Joker has 'retired' to Arkham since Batman left - he got bored pretty quickly. This arc introduces him properly after a few teases earlier in the series.

Jay learns of Barbra's paralysis (which happened after he died) - even then Bruce wouldn't kill him. A scene where Jason visits Babs (little brother/big sister dynamic).

Both Dick and Tim return for this arc, losing their shit over the Joker. Kate's reaction to the Joker is much like Terry McGuiness's in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker. She doesn't get why everyone is so scared of this stupid clown.

Tim is the one who figures out how Jason was resurrected; just like in the Red robin comic he's been travelling through the world of assassins and knows about the Lazarus Pit.

I think doing the Red Hood arc without Bruce - the main target of Jason's anger - is super interesting. Most people share his anger at Bruce for disappearing.

It also lets us dig deep into the inter-Robin dynamics - Jason hates Dick because he always had to live up to him (do that thing in the comics where Jay had to dye his red hair black to 'look like Robin')

Jay hates Tim for replacing him, for being proof Bruce didn't learn his lesson, for Bruce treating Tim better, the way he should've treated Jason

Kate is instrumental to this arc because, being outside all the drama, she has objectivity. She forces Dick and Tim to get their heads out of their asses and talk to Jason, forces them to confront the problem.

Instead of taking the Joker to Bruce as he does in the Under the Red Hood movie, Jason takes Joker to Babs, who has suffered the most because of him. Confronted with the man who 'ruined' her life, Babs proves bigger and stronger than him. She refuses to kill him. Unlike Jason, she's moving on and growing past her trauma, not looking for revenge.

Joker (being the Joker) turns the tables on Jay and has him at his mercy. Kate swoops in and, like Terry in Return of the Joker, messes with the Joker's head by refusing to take him seriously. The Joker is distracted, screaming about Kate not being Batman, and Babs gets to knock him the fuck out.

Jason escapes, but not before dropping a clue connecting Bruce's disappearance to the League of Assassins

I know the showrunners admitted they have no clue where Bruce is yet, so in my version he's off on some quest with Ras Al Guhl. In the time since he's been gone he's married Talia and had a kid. no-one in Gotham knows this yet.

VILLAINS

We can explore how Batman’s absence has had a strange effect on Gotham's villains - many have gone into states of hibernation similar to the Joker.

Two Face gets his dark Knight Returns plotline where the attempt to repair his face, 

Mr Freeze has a similar ‘cure’ story a la Batman Beyond

Clayface (as in the Rebirth run of Detective Comics) is trying to go straight - using his shape-shifting gift to make a name for himself in the movie business. He thinks he's finally been accepted, but people are just sucking up to him because of his talent - the reality of their disgust threatens to push him back over the edge

Without Batman there to fight her, Poison Ivy has pretty much taken over Gotham's main park space, but a kind of stalemate has been reached - she won't attack the city as long as the city doesn't move against her plants.

Kate's central dilemma is navigating these unusual waters - she toys with the idea of putting Ivy behind bars and we get an episode of her exploring the micro-climate of the transformed Park. Kate's disturbance makes Ivy threaten the city, and she has to stretch her underused negotiation muscles to talk her down.

I like the idea of Ivy as an ambivalent character, not good or evil. She'll do whatever she wants. Also she and Kate would have killer sexual chemistry.

Harley. Exploring Harley in such a strongly feminist show would be fascinating. Joker has closed off, given himself up. Harley is forced to fend without him, and finds an antihero niche with the Gotham City Sirens (hi, Ivy!)

With Bruce's disappearance, Wayne enterprises is designing revolutionary new weapons for the Crows. It's revealed that they’re using the Riddler to design these. After Batman disappeared it was presumed Nygma went through therapy and was moved away from Gotham - in fact he's here.

This plot point is inspired by the New 52's Zero Year arc. Kate discovers the foul play when the Crow's systems go haywire because of a virus Nygma planted, sending Gotham into a blackout and giving the Riddler control of its municipal systems

Kate finds Nygma and exposes Wayne Enterprises' corruption, but in the process Riddler escapes.

Similar to Ivy, Kate's appearance excites the Riddler and he reactivates his Saw-like trap rooms across the city. Kate has a different, much blunter way of solving puzzles that frustrates him, used to Bruce's genius-level intellect.

This raises the question - is Batwoman a liability to the city?

BATGIRL(S)/BIRDS OF PREY

With Riddler's re-emergence triggers the appearance of Spoiler. In the comics Stephanie Brown is Cluemaster's daughter, but no-one really gives a shit about him. The benefit of a decade-plus old Batman means his rogues gallery can easily have kids - Stephanie had her name changed in witness protection.

Steph helps Kate beat the Riddler in collaboration with Bab's hacking skills. Kate sees potential in Spoiler and sends her to Babs to be trained.

As Batwoman's appearance reawakens super-crime in Gotham, the Crows get desperate. They hire world- renowned assassin David Cain to start taking out targets

Intro Cassandra Cain.

Cass + Steph + Babs are this series' version of the Birds of Prey

Babs teaches Cass sign-language to communicate. Steal her friendship with Clayface from the Rebirth Detective Comics - Clayface leaves the movie business again because it was unhealthy, and is trying to do good

Everyone is very protective of Cass and determined she won't fight

[thistangledbrain]

Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month

Day 5!

“Special Interests”

Have a quiet Autie in your life? That won’t last long if you tap into their special interest. We can’t shut UP when we find someone who’s genuinely curious about what lights us up.

Every older Autie I know has at least one special interest, sometimes several.

Mine? Dogs. Primarily.

And I mean EVERYTHING dog, but starting with behavior. Then in no particular order, health/genetics, various breeds and their traits, training....literally everything. Even the genes that define coat color & pattern, and what physical genetics are tied to behavior (if you’re curious about that, start with the Russian studies about domesticated foxes and what happened to their red coats, the more tame they became). It was horses when I was younger, but I soon moved to dogs when getting into my late teens (more affordable and accessible I guess lol). And if I don’t know the answer to your questions, we find out together, because I *need* to know, too. 😉 I can talk dogs with you literally all day and never get bored...which helps socially, too (I’ve mentioned that most of my closest friends are dog people) - I have a larger network of friends than most other auties I know, and it’s because of a shared passion for all things dog. 
Then there’s the sciences, but particularly quantum & theoretical physics. I. Fucking. Love. Physics. LOVE IT. Unfortunately, my brain hits a wall with more advanced mathematics, so I can’t “do” physics on the level I want to. Luckily for me, my oldest son is also pretty obsessed with it, and he is now pursuing a degree in physics....so when he comes home, we sit down with his notes and he breaks it down for me (the language behind the experiment or action). I have pictures of his notes saved on my phone, for simply the silly reason that I like the patterns of the math (it’s the “universal language”, if you didn’t know), and like to daydream about understanding it. (He struggles with the math as well...we are both HEAVILY right brained...but he manages.) If there’s a documentary out there about physics (plus many lectures), I’ve probably seen it multiple times. Idk why quantum physics in particular interests me...maybe because it’s almost like magic. ☺️ Quantum entanglement fascinates me, and the theory that things aren’t what they are unless/until you observe them...I can get stuck absolutely obsessing over these things.

Nature/animals are the big background special interest that the specifics tie into, though (and this ranges from astrophysics to the life cycle and structure of an ant colony - and even human psychology). Concerning observable animal/plant nature though (and this is a big one for me), Sir David Attenborough is my hero lol- no one else answers the questions I have, and opens up the natural world for me, like that dude. It was Mutual of Omaha’s nature shows when I was a kid, now it’s him. Sorry not sorry, but a doc on the secret life of plants is *fucking riveting* to me. Science is my JAM! 😆 I am happy to recommend any docs to any other fellow science nerds (Through the Wormhole, The Elegant Universe, and Cosmos are all MUST SEE - if you’re a nature nerd, of course Blue Planet, Our Planet, Life...gosh. So many great series). When I get on a science kick, I get the same feelings I get when I’ve tapped into a difficult dog’s psyche, and we start to figure things out. It’s an absolute thrilling obsession, and I am very restless until all my “why/how” is answered. It’s never enough - I never know enough, and I never will.

It’s also an area where my perpetual 2-3 year old is consistently mostly satisfied. I mean that’s the whole scientific community in a nutshell LOL! “WHY?” “HOW?!” When I was a kid, I’d have to write down all my questions that weren’t answered by our Encyclopedias, and wait till the weekly library trip to find the answers I sought. Now, I have a smartphone and Google LOL....and I cannot even begin to describe how consciously thankful I am for that quick access to answers!! Questions will *eat me alive* sometimes, so answering them in a timely fashion is sooooo satisfying 😆

I guess I’m a bit of an artist/creative personality. I’m unhappy when I don’t have space to create....but that space is pretty damn large, because I’m into almost all of it (you can’t exactly fit a miter and bandsaw into your apartment studio, so I’m very grateful I have the space for the power tools LOL...)

From building things to fabric crafts, I love it all. I get way burned out if one of those things become a “job”, though (ehh except being paid as a regular employee of a historic renovation construction firm LOL) - something I HAVE to do. Then it’s not enjoyable anymore. I had started down a path of marketable creations, and they were in high demand...but then it became something I HAD to do for money, instead of wanting to do for enjoyment - and I haven’t touched that particular craft in 8 years or more now (which frustrates people, because I was good at it). 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s one of those things I really can’t help. My oldest son seems to be sort of similar....he’s commissioned several pieces (and secured his first few at a VERY young age), but he also tends to get a little frustrated when he’s expected to create something, instead of the urge naturally striking him. The whole beauty and satisfaction from art - for me anyway - stems from pure imagination without constraints. When you’re doing something to please someone, it ceases being art, and turns into just...a skilled task you completed. That’s how I look at it, anyway. So even though I could actually make my art into a career (at least supplementary income), it ceases to be enjoyable for me *at all*, unless I’m creating something for someone who means a lot to me. That, and I really just prefer to give my stuff as gifts. It makes me feel good to see people light up with joy over what I’ve made for them, whatever it was. (I also do a shitload of remote training with people and their dogs, for free. I point folks towards the trainers I respect if they need extensive in person work, but lots of folks don’t have several hundred bucks to sink into understanding their dogs better...so...I just help where I can, now. I think it *used to* frustrate my husband, but he absolutely understands now & is cool with it.)

Oh. And rocks and minerals. I’m an obsessive rockhound LOL - and a cousin is a geologist, so he can break down how and why each is so unique, how it formed & why, etc. I’m actually currently converting a large yard sale antique wardrobe into a piece that can showcase Sir Tommy on one side, and my extensive rock and mineral collection on the other (waaaay not extensive enough, but you might be surprised how expensive quality specimens are. Take moldavite for example...fascinating thing...little chip of it about the size of your pinky nail will run you $20 +, because it’s rare. And yes I am fascinated by the metaphysical value attached to these minerals, and why that’s even a thing.) The way minerals form - let’s cite Aragonite as an example - just captivates me.

So I guess those are my main special interests! If you have a *young* Autie in your life, try to expose them to various things. To find a “special interest” is to find a way to ground ourselves. Special interests are a bit different than...well, I’m not sure what words work for stim interests that you can escape into for NT’s, but it’s less of an interest, and more of an obsession for us. It consumes us.

So anyway, EVERY Autie has a special interest. It could be science, it could be gaming (that’s a big one with lots of males, and not a small one for Autie women either, because it’s an escape you actually have to engage your brain in) or computers; it could be mathematics or art. It could be animals and nature. But eventually (for those of you with wee Auties), Your Pet Autie ™️ will find something that they absolutely obsess over & gets them excited to share their knowledge or creations with you. I encourage parents of auties to help them explore the world and find their niche. It helps us navigate your world, and find a way to be at home in it. It also gives us something to fixate on other than our bumbling attempts at fitting in to a world not built for us.

Circling back - if you know an autistic in your life that you want an “in” to get to know, start with their special interest. (Of course we recognize when you’re doing it just for the merits, versus when you actually want to learn something from us, but we appreciate both, really. It gives us a chance to ...idk. Feel important, maybe. At least that’s what it is to me, and my boys. We love to feel needed for our knowledge!)

Special interests are truly your “in” to an Autie, regardless of what their subject is.

So that’s MY take on the special interests. What lights your beloved Autie up?

[thorne93]

Inside the Criminal Mind (Part 15)

Prompt: You’re married to Dr. Spencer Reid of the BAU, and are a distinguished doctor yourself on the team. You’re sent down to Miami, Florida for teaching and as a side request from the FBI, to investigate a string of missing persons. When you think you’ve figured out who the unsub is, your life becomes more complicated than you ever could’ve imagined.

Word Count: 2158

Warnings: (throughout the fic –>) death, blood, gore, killings, language, disturbing mental notions, mentions of rapes/murder/etc (You know, Dexter and Criminal Minds related business)

Notes: Thank you so much to @arrow-guy​​​​​, @carryonmyswansong​​​​​, and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​​ - without each of you, I couldn’t have finished, written, or properly navigated this story. Each of you helped me fish out details that were incredibly important to me. Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong​​​​​ and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​​… Aesthetic by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​​

This is a crossover of Criminal Minds x Dexter. First time writing Dexter.

Also, the timeline is after Season 1 of Dexter, but during season 14-ish of Criminal minds into Season 15. Enjoy!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the course of the next month, you and Dexter had three more kills. In this time you learned how to change the dosage of tranq for different sized people, how to carry someone of larger size and stage the kill room for them. You were getting a lot more comfortable with stalking, following, tracking. 

Dexter didn’t have you hold the knife for the next three times. He felt like the first time, you needed to understand every aspect of what he was doing. After that, it was all about logistics.

When to abduct and how, when to strike, where to take them, how long to hold them, how to keep them subdued...

Of course, he had gone over how this was going to eventually turn into your own MO, you’re own signature. He might’ve taught you how to get the victims, how to properly keep the room clean, and how to dispose of them, but he realized that this had to be tailored to you.

“So, you’re going to do an eye for an eye, right?” he asked while you were in his apartment, sitting next to his computer. 

“Right,” you nodded, sitting beside him. 

“Okay, you’ll have to make sure you take them to the proper place then. Drowning, make sure there’s a bathtub or cinder blocks, duct tape and rope, if you want to just send them to the bottom of the ocean.”

You nodded. “Mhm.”

“Just, be sure when you go out on your own you’ve got all the information so you can carry out the kill how you want.” 

“I will.” 

“How are you going to dispose of them? Are you going to use my method or something else?”

“Well I don’t have a boat…”

“Hmm, could be a problem. Plus you’ve got your husband and you can’t bury in the backyard or he might wonder.”

“Definitely not, and it’d be an immediate tie to me.”

“We really need to think of a good disposal method for you then.”

“Wood chipper?”

“Ah, yes, let’s spray DNA all over the place with a loud machine,” he said with an eyeroll.

“Oh, excuse me for not being well versed in body-disposal. You know, typically my job is finding bodies, not keeping them under lock and key.” 

“Which is why you need me,” he reminded. 

“I do need you,” you said with a slight laugh. “We’ll think of something,” you assured. 

“Yeah, and for now, for your first one, we can dispose of it my way.” 

“Thanks, Dex.”

The two of you went on discussing strategy and any other crucial detail you’d need to carry out your crimes successfully, in your area, with your job. 

Since you’d left Spence back in D.C. you hadn’t said much to him, at all. It was down to about one phone call a week and it was typically about work. 

You knew it wasn’t his fault that JJ felt how she did or said what she said. You knew that maybe it was true that he felt like he didn’t need to remind her that both of them were married to other people. But the fact of the matter was, he kept this little secret between them for a long time. Only they were privy to it, and somehow that really hurt, that they shared a moment, a secret, a confession like that and he didn’t think it was important to tell you. By keeping it between them, it gave JJ power, and possibly motive, to think that he really did feel something for her.

Distancing yourself from Spence probably wasn’t the best idea, if you were worried about him straying, but it hurt too much to hear his voice, to wonder what else he was hiding. To wonder if he worked a job with JJ. To wonder if he was stealing glances at her and wishing he could have more. To wonder if he regretted not going after her more intensely all those years ago.

Being around Dexter, whether you were killing, planning, or just hanging out, he provided a sense of distraction. 

You wondered though, analyzing yourself, if maybe it wasn’t Spence you couldn’t face. Maybe it was yourself. Maybe it was the fact that Dexter should be behind bars now, and he wasn’t, because of you. He was still killing, still committing crimes, still out on the streets. He wasn’t a bad guy. He didn’t harm kids, and his days with animals were over, and he only helped the world by stopping these guys.

But for years, you have been so ingrained with oaths, vows, honor to protect the country. Every night before you went to bed since you’d been down in Miami, you recited the FBI oath before sleep. And you couldn’t find anywhere that you were breaking that. People were dying, yes, but how was it any different than when you draw your gun on an unsub, or kill them with Dexter in a kill room? 

Now, you had to lie every day to Spencer. Every kiss, every hug, every text, every call was a lie. So maybe, the avoidance of him was to protect you, rather than any anger your harbored towards him. The less time you spent on the phone, the less time you’d have to try and hide things. Less time to try and come up with a lie. You couldn’t tell him who you were now. Spencer might as well be married to a stranger, and that killed you. You still loved him, and you still wanted every atom of his being. 

But would he still want you? Probably not, and the idea of losing him killed you.

The idea of lying to him hurt you even worse though. 

Because much like with JJ, the lying, the secrecy is what hurt, not the actual confession. JJ has a right to her feelings, and you had yours. But neither one of them had been honest with you, and that’s what you couldn’t forgive. 

Yet, here you were, a murderer, accomplice of a murderer, and every word out of your mouth was a lie. You never want to turn on Dexter or turn him in. Sometimes you wondered if you should just wipe your hands, part ways with Dexter, and return home after schooling.

But other times, you knew you needed to make sure people that Dexter hunted weren’t getting away. At this point, you’d already done what you’d done, and telling Spencer now would serve as nothing but to hurt him. 

So this was the way it had to be. 

--------------------------------

Only two weeks had gone by since your last kill with Dexter, when he messaged you. 

“You need to meet me tonight, if you’re free,” Dex texted you around lunchtime. 

“What time?”

“7:00, my place.”

“I’ll be there.”

And here you were, at his door with some pizza and beer, like always. 

“Alright, I’m here. Got a new kill?” you asked, stepping inside.

“Yes, but not for me,” he stated and your mouth suddenly went dry as your heart hammered in your chest. “Come look at this.”

He turned the laptop to face you slightly before you sat down next to him. 

“Alright, I found a guy who’s running a dog fighting ring just outside Miami.”

You slowly nodded. “Okay, so how bad is it?”

“Pretty bad. I’m not sure how much damage you need to make a decision but it looks like about three dogs a night, and he does it about two or three nights a week. Pit bulls seem to be his speciality, but he’s got doberman and german shepherds. I’ve got a few pictures of the hurt dogs if you want to--”

“No, no, please don’t show those to me.”

“You sure? They can be good motivators.”

“No, I don’t need that sort of shit in my mind, Dex, alright? Just… you’re sure? You’re positive this is happening, right?”

“If you want to be sure, we can go to the place where they hold the fights. I’m sure you could find some dogs in cages. I could even go to a fight, if you wanted…” 

You shook your head. “No, that’s too risky for you. Plus you don’t exactly blend in with that crowd.”

“Imagine that, a serial killer who looks too good to be mistaken for a dog fight enthusiast,” he muttered, amused. 

You slightly laughed, bumping his shoulder with yours. 

“Well, let’s go by the place. If I see the dogs, I’ll be good to go,” you assured.

“Alright. We could go tonight, unless you have papers to grade or something,” he said, peering at you.

“Me? No, I’m good. We can go.”

“Yeah, sure. Okay, we can eat then head out.”

“Sounds good.”

--------------------------------

Driving around a sketchy part of the neighborhood, Dexter finally stopped his car in an alley. 

“Alright, this is it. Just over that brick wall should be the dogs and a garage styled building. Inside is where the fighting happens. Now, I can go and check it out, or… we both can. It’s up to you.”

You swallowed, thinking. Did you want to see this? Did you want your gut to just churn? 

No, but you in a sense, Dex was right. You needed that thing to remind you why you were here, why you were doing this. What your purpose in all this was. 

“Let’s go.”

He nodded, eyeing you up and down before saying, “Alright.” He unbuckled his belt and climbed out of his car, you following suit. The two of you jumped out, him in his hunting gear, and you in your all black ensemble. You walked over to the brick wall where Dexter scaled the wall and you were right behind him. As soon as you landed on the other side, it became quick that this was indeed a dark, horrible place.

About a dozen a dogs were in cages, but instead of barking at you, like they should’ve, it was completely quiet. The dogs simply cowered against the back part of the cages and your heart immediately broke for them. 

 Dexter looked at you, then he gestured with his head towards the garage shop. “Let’s see what’s inside. Come on.”

You nodded, following him. He picked a lock and you followed him inside. Inside was a single dim light, showing a dirt floor. No dogs were in here, but in the dirt you could see all sorts of blood and it made tears spring to your eyes. 

“Oh, Dex,” you all but cried. “What sort of horrible people do this?” 

“Some pretty sick people,” he agreed. 

Shaking your head, you turned around and went out to the little yard that was walled in with bricks. 

“I want to set these dogs free, and I want to get this mother fucker soon -- this week,” you said, your teeth gritted. Sorrow quickly gave way to hate and anger. 

“He’ll just find more,” he stated. 

“I know, but maybe we can at least save these. Please? I can’t walk away from them…” You were kneeling in front of one dog’s cage. 

He looked around, probably trying to contemplate the consequences. 

“Okay. Yeah.”

“Thank you,” you said emphatically. “Okay, now we need to get them to a shelter. I don’t want them roaming the streets, especially not in this neighborhood.” 

“Y/N, I didn’t come here for a rescue mission--”

“Neither did I, Dex, but we’re here, and I can’t leave them. Who knows how many more he’s going to kill before I can get to him?” 

“Well if you call this in to some group though, and then the guy ends up dead…”

“That’s why I suggest we take them to a shelter.”

“I don’t have the kind of room to do that in my car,” he remarked. 

You stood up, running your hands through your hair. “Shit. So what do we do? I can’t leave them, I can’t let them loose…”

Dexter looked around, clearly trying to think of a solution to the situation. 

“Let’s just... “ He glanced around, and found a truck. “We can load them in the back of that truck and then drop them off at a shelter. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. That works. Thank you.” 

He got the old truck started, and the two of you backed it up to the yard. The two of you worked quickly to load the dogs, then you got to the truck to a shelter only ten minutes away. He returned the truck back to the spot he found it, then you got in his car and left. 

“That was… the most heroic stalk I’ve ever done,” Dexter noted.

You looked over at him with a kind smile. “Thank you, Dexter. You don’t know how much that meant to me.”

“Don’t mention it. So, you ready to kill Angel Rodriguez now?”

The question threw you for a second, before slowly nodding. “Yeah, yeah I am.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tagging:

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[myownsuperintendent]

2019 Fic Masterpost

Here’s an updated masterpost of my fic, divided into my usual fairly arbitrary categories (plus a new one, crossover).  I didn’t write a ton this year, but those fics are in bold.

AU (Canon Divergent):

“Always Something New”–On William’s prom night, Scully tells Mulder a story from her own.  Rated T.

“Better Late Than Never”– Mulder is plotting a surprise for Scully.  Rated G.  Set in Season 8.  (Birthday gift for @xv12.)

“A Day Out”– Scully, Mulder, and Emily spend a day at the beach.  Rated G.  Very fluffy.

“Family”–Along with their three children, Mulder and Scully celebrate Scully’s sixtieth birthday.  Post-series AU.  Rated G.  112% fluff.

“In My Dreams”– She knows it’s not going to go anywhere–but Monica can’t help having feelings for Dana Scully.  Rated G.  Set during Seasons 8 and 9 and post-IWTB.  Largely canon compliant but ignores Season 10.

“Marry Me”--Mulder and Scully decide to get married.  Season 8 AU. Rated T.

“Nightmare”– Mulder tries to console Emily, who is worried about the incipient arrival of her new sibling. AU, set in the Season Eight era.   Rated G.

“No Secrets”– After he’s returned from his abduction, Mulder and Scully have a talk about their relationship.  Rated G.  Set in Season 8.

“Support System”–It’s Dana’s decision, but Monica wants to at least give her the space to make it.  Rated G.  Set in Season 9.

“A Tale of Two Nosebleeds”– Even family life can sometimes lead to accidents. Set in a universe in which all three of Scully’s kids lived.  Rated G.  Fluff, but warning for blood.

“Tell Me”--In prison, Mulder wants to hear about William.  AU in which Scully did not give up William, set during "The Truth." Rated G.

“Time and Again”– 1973 and 2010–two boys look out for their younger sisters.  Rated G.

“Stomach Flu”--Emily brings home the stomach flu from kindergarten.  Soon Scully catches it too--or does she? Rated G.

“Visions and Voyages”– When danger threatens, the Mulder-Scully family goes on the run together. AU set in the Season 9 era.  Rated G.

“You Know Your Mama Was Born To Die”– After the invasion, a woman and her son try to make their way in Washington, D.C.  Rated T.

…

Crossover:

“Take Me To Your Leader” (part two here)--It's 2037, and Leslie Knope has just been sworn in as President of the United States, only to find her inaugural address followed by an alien invasion.  For help, she and Ben call on two experts--retired FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully--and the four team up to defeat the alien threat. Parks and Recreation crossover. Rated T.

...

Episode Specific:

“Across the Country”– During “Anasazi,” Scully drives across the country with an unconscious Mulder in the back seat.  Rated G.

“In the Open”–After the events of “Small Potatoes,” Mulder and Scully reflect.  Rated G.

“It’s the Job”– During “4-D,” Reyes and Scully discuss being a woman in the FBI.  Rated T.  References to sexual violence.

“Wild Romance”–It’ll be sixty years next week, but she still remembers that strange night in 1939.  Rated G.  Set (sixty years) post-“Triangle.”

…

Humorous:

“Fugue for Fish”–Mulder’s fish become enamored with Scully’s tattoo.  Rated G.  Crack pairing.

“Lipstick on Your Collar”– The FBI has many cases to solve.  One of the biggest mysteries is the status of the relationship between Agents Mulder and Scully–and like in any case, it’s important to have evidence before jumping to conclusions.  Rated G.  

“Nose Implants Just Have That Richer Feel”–Some aliens are perfectly content using neck implants, but some are nostalgic for the past.  Rated G.

“Yes, Dana, There is a Santa Claus”– Mulder believes in a lot of strange things–but when he suggests that Santa Claus is the culprit for a series of strange murders, Scully doesn’t know what to think.  The case, along with the stresses of the season and her unconfessed feelings for her partner, makes for a very complicated Christmas.  Rated T.  Casefile.

…

Part of a Series:

1960s AU: “How to Expand Your Mind”– In 1966, college student Dana Scully makes a new acquaintance–Fox Mulder–in the process of tracking down her sister among New York’s hippie scene.  Rated T.   “While She Was Somewhere Being Free”–More than anything, Samantha doesn’t want to be trapped again.  Rated T. “I Can’t Go Back There Anymore”– When Diana Fowley returns to New York’s hippie scene after selling out and moving away, Melissa Scully is happy to have her best friend back. But the complications Diana brings into the burgeoning relationship between Melissa’s sister Dana and Fox Mulder force Melissa to examine her own feelings for Diana.  Rated T. “Summers of Love”– During the summers of 1966, 1967, and 1968, Mulder and Scully, spending time apart, communicate and build their relationship by letter. Rated M. “The First Few Friends I Had”–Diana arrives in New York, ready to live a new life.  Set prior to the other fics in the series.  Rated T. “Old and New”--When Monica meets John Doggett, she wants to know him better, even though he's different from most of her friends.  Their relationship, however, brings many complications. Rated G. “Reunions”--After summers spent apart, Mulder and Scully reunite. Rated M. “Five Times Someone Walked in on Starchild and Byers (and One Time They Walked in on Someone Else”--Byers and Susanne have a fraught but passionate relationship, as their friends witness at first hand. Rated M.

A Different Place series (“Herrenvolk” AU): “A Different Place”– Herrenvolk AU. When Mulder successfully brings one of the Samantha clones back from the farm with him, she must learn to adapt to a different life.  Rated G. “No-Fail Chicken Soup”– Samantha just wants to help Scully, but it’s not as easy as she hopes.  Rated G.  Cancer arc. “Real Ghosts”– Samantha doesn’t care for Halloween, but she finds that it has its attractions. Set in 2000.  Rated G. “Five Times Samantha Was Different (And One Time It Didn’t Matter)”--Even as she adapts to a new life, there’s a lot that’s strange to Samantha. Rated G.

See the USA series (post-season 9 AU): “See the USA”– Life as a family on the run brings some joys and some challenges for Mulder, Scully, and William.  Rated T. “Here Now”–On their third night on the run, Mulder spends some time with his son.  Set prior to “See the USA.”  Rated G.

Signs Series (Martha’s Vineyard Sign Language AU): “Signs”–On Martha’s Vineyard in the nineteenth century, deafness is common.  But for the Mulder family, interaction with the world on the mainland poses new challenges.  Rated G. “Communications”– In this installment, after a broken arm lands him in the hospital, Mulder meets a nurse who knows sign language and perhaps can help him on his quest to find his sister.  Rated G.

Welcome series (based on Season 11 Emily casting rumors): “Welcome”– In Wyoming, they spend the first morning with Emily.  Rated G. “Conversations”–Emily tries to come to terms with the presence of Scully and Mulder in her life.  Rated G. “At the House”– Some months after the events of “Conversations,” Mulder, Scully, Emily, and William return to the unremarkable house and continue to build their relationships.  Rated G. “Moving”– With the help of Mulder and Scully, William moves into his dorm room.  Rated G. “Next Year”--In the year following their reunion as a family, Mulder, Scully, Emily, and William navigate their relationships. Rated T.

…

Post Season Eleven:

“Baby Books”–Scully has a baby book for each of her children.  Set from seasons 5 to post season 11.  Rated G.

“Camping Trip”--Scully takes her daughter on a Girl Scout camping trip. Rated G.

“Looking Forward”–Scully tries to cope with her feelings as she and Mulder prepare for the new baby.  Rated T.

“Renewal”– After Scully has a difficult birth with her third child, Jackson comes back to the Unremarkable House to help care for his sister.  Rated G.   Warning for childbirth complications.

“Return”–On a walk with their daughter, Mulder and Scully meet their son.  Rated G.

“Snow Globe”– After their daughter is born, Mulder and Scully receive an unexpected gift. Post-season 11.  Rated G.

“Two Evenings”–Mulder and Scully’s grown daughter spends one evening with her brother and another with her parents.  Rated G.

…

Set Within Canon:

“Dirty Talk”–Mulder loves the way Scully talks.  Rated T.

“Eligible”– Charlie tries to help his sister out during her break-up. Set between IWTB and the revival.  Rated T.

“Five Times Scully Talked To William (And One Time They Talked To Each Other)”–There were moments when she was able to talk to her son.  Rated G.  Set in Seasons 8 and 9 and post-Season 10.

“Mappable Territory”–When Scully travels, she thinks of her father.  Rated G.

“Missed You”--Mulder and Scully are happy to be together again.  Set in late season 11. Rated M.

“Now I‘m Sane (But I Would Rather Be Gaga)”– Scully wants to get back out there after the breakup, but it’s not that easy.  Rated G.  Scully/other with past MSR.

“Slow”--Mulder and Scully decide to take their reunion slow, but that doesn’t last too long. Rated M.

“Take Two”–Along with Mulder, Scully takes a second vacation to Maine.  Set post-IWTB, pre-revival.  Rated T.

“Three Scully Children Who Went Incommunicado (And One Who Didn’t)”–It’s not that they don’t care about their family.  But there were reasons they had to get away.  Rated T.

…

Smutty:

“After All These Years”– Mulder and Scully have been together for a long time now, but sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Rated M.  Set mid-Season 10.

“Dining Etiquette”–Is it ever okay to eat in bed?  Rated M.  

“If At First You Don’t Succeed”– After long anticipation, Mulder and Scully’s first time together doesn’t go exactly as planned.  As they work a case together, they find this getting in the way of their relationship and must figure out how to navigate this new stage.  Rated M.  Set during “Syzygy.”

“Just Be”– After “Paper Clip,” Mulder and Scully try to make a moment away from grief.  Rated M.

“Massachusetts After Midnight”– After an irritating case, Mulder and Scully make the best of their night. The post-“Teso dos Bichos” smut you’ve always wanted.  The Massachusetts entry in the “A Map of Us” challenge.  Rated M.

“Refuge”– When they’re in bed together, they can put her illness out of their minds–at least for a little while.  Rated M.  Cancer arc.

“Six Ways to Warm Up a Cold Basement”– It’s February, and the heat in the X Files office is broken.  Mulder and Scully try to find ways to deal with the problem.  Rated M.  My first fic in the fandom!

“You’re the Only One I Trust (To Slap My Ass)”– Sharing one’s sexual desires with a partner can take a lot of trust. Fortunately, Mulder and Scully have plenty of that. Rated E.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Isaac the Time-Traveling Archaeologist build (Skullgirls)

(Artwork by Lab Zero games)

Skullgirls was the first fighting game I ever really properly got into. With a memorable cast of Roaring 20s-designed characters (Bae-owulf <3) and very solid fighting game mechanics the game is a blast to play for players of all skill levels. Probably the most memorable part about Skullgirls has to be its cast: despite having only 14 playable characters they all feel distinct and have unique personalities which make them memorable. (Granted the exception of Fukkua who was mostly made as a joke.)

But the non-player characters are equally memorable: Lab Zero’s orphaned scientific misfits, Ben’s old police force, the Canopy Kingdom’s democracy... and Stanley! While these characters are expanded a great deal in the mobile release they were still lovable additions to the cast. But the character who stood out the most for me was Isaac. DLC character 29, his theoretical time travel kit was truly unique and I’m really sad that we didn’t get to try Isaac as a fighter (we got Beowulf instead which I can’t complain about, but I could honestly do without Eliza thanks) and only got a mention of Isaac in one of the story modes. (No spoilers.)

Ever since the inclusion of the Archivist subclass in the Artificer UA I had a concept in my mind to recreate Isaac using that subclass. Naturally you can imagine my disappointment when Archivist was not included in Eberron: Rising from the Last War. But thankfully with the release of Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount we get the Echo Knight subclass which was exactly what I was looking for! And with a time travel theme no less? With the ability to create time clones I can finally make Isaac a reality: this was one of the builds I made this Tumblr for and I’m super excited to finally be able to publish it!

GOALS

Infinite Timelines - The core of Isaac’s kit was going to be based on summoning clones to fight for him, which we now have a class for in 5e!

Power Glove - Isaac is a smart cookie with theonite-powered inventions giving him the upper hand.

いち びょう けいか - Isaac is of course a time traveler, so we’re going to need some time traveling powers.

RACE

While never specified I’m pretty sure Isaac is a human, but that being said some variations can be taken for a time traveler... Screw Variant Human though we’re going for Eberron races because I’m a hipster like that! Originally I considered Mark of Passage humans for a one-time time traveler Misty Step but ultimately I decided on Mark of Sentinel as it fits the theme of an all-known time traveler far better. Your Constitution score increases by 2 and your Wisdom score increases by 1, and you Sentinel’s Intuition allowing you to add a d4 to Insight or Perception checks because of course you’ve been to the future and know the truth about people and where things are already.

You also get Guardian’s Shield letting you cast a Theonite Shield once per Long Rest, and you get the Vigilant Guardian ability which will let you swap places with a nearby ally if they’re going to get hit by a weapon attack: blocking a projectile is a good use of an assist too! You also get a language of your choice along with Common as a human and I’d suggest Giant to talk to your partner, but of course pick whatever you please.

ABILITY SCORES

15; INTELLIGENCE - You need to be a smart cookie to time travel, and we’re going to be using Intelligence for a lot of our features.

14; DEXTERITY - This is primarily because I like even ability scores and we need this to multiclass.

13; WISDOM - Seeing as our Wisdom is increased by our racial traits we may as well get it at a 14, and professor badass would know basic medical procedures as well as the history of the Canopy Kingdom.

12; CONSTITUTION - Extra bulk is always nice when some washed-up wrestler is hitting you with a folding chair, and we also need Constitution for our skills as well.

10; CHARISMA - Isaac has a degree of rough charm: he wears the vest well but that hair isn’t doing him any favors.

8; STRENGTH - We simply don’t need this for the build and your partner handled most of the brute forcing.

BACKGROUND

Isaac is stated in-lore to be an Archaeologist and luckily there’s a background for it in Tomb of Annihilation! You get History proficiency and I’d personally swap the Survival proficiency with Arcana since we can’t get it as easily otherwise. You can also choose between either Cartographer’s Tools or Navigator’s Tools: I opted for the former but honestly either of them work. You also choose one exotic language of your choice and again: pick whatever you think is useful.

Your feature Historical Knowledge lets you use some of your Indiana Jones skills to determine the original purpose of any ruin you enter, who built it, and if any artifacts you find are valuable. Fortune and glory kid.

(Artwork by MagicBunnyArt on DeviantArt)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - FIGHTER 1

Starting off as a Fighter primarily for their saving throws. You get two skills from the Fighter list: I’d recommend Athletics to compensate for your low Strength score but you can honestly choose whatever for your second skill. (I chose Perception personally.)

Fighters get a Fighting Style of their choice and while Unarmed Fighting from the Class Feature Variants UA would make sense for a fighting game character we’ll be getting some time-travel boxing gloves shortly so I’d opt for Defense instead for an increase to AC. (Dueling is also a good choice if you want more offense instead of defense.) You also get Second Wind, letting you sit in the back and regenerate red health equal to 1d10 + your fighter level once per short rest.

I will quickly mention that as a Fighter you get a choice between either Leather Armor or Chain Mail in your starting equipment and I’d recommend taking the Chain Mail. Yes you can’t wear it because of your Strength score so see if you can also grab some Medium armor before you head out but that chainmail is going to serve us well shortly.

LEVEL 2 - ARTIFICER 1

The real starting class of this build is Artificer, and we only really took level 1 in Fighter for proficiency in Strength saves. Regardless Artificers get Magical Tinkering which lets them do some theonite tinkering on non-magical objects: I recommend reading the feature yourself to see what it can do, because you can do it a number of times equal to your Intelligence modifier.

Artificers also get access to Spellcasting. You get two cantrips of your choice: Fire Bolt is a simple Quarter-Circle-Forward Punch to shoot a projectile at your enemies, doing 1d10 fire damage and lighting flammable objects on fire. Guidance will let you give a mentorly pat-on-the-back to your Gigan partner, letting them add a d4 to an ability check.

For your leveled spells Artificers are prepared spellcasters, meaning they can swap their spells out on a long rest. Regardless the spells I’d prepare would be Cure Wounds to regenerate some red health and Detect Magic to locate any  theonite reserves in the ruins you’re exploring.

LEVEL 3 - ARTIFICER 2

Second level Artificers can Infuse Items: you know 4 total Infusions and can have two active at a time.

A Bag of Holding will help you carry that chainmail I told you to grab.

Enhanced Defenses will let you block a little more damage when block.

A Rope of Climbing will help you while spelunking, and speaking of spelunking a Wand of Secrets will help you find any hidden rooms or trap doors in the ruins you’re exploring.

But remember that the key to Artificer is picking infusions that your party will find useful! Pick a good assist, or else you’d be better working solo. You can also prepare another spell and Identify will let you further identify anything you find in a ruin... duh.

LEVEL 4 - ARTIFICER 3

3rd level Artificers have The Right Tool for the Job, letting them make a set of artisan’s tools over the course of an hour. But more importantly you get Artificer Speciality and the Armorer Unearthed Arcana subclass is perfect for an inventor with a heavy time gauntlet.

Armorers get Power Armor, or as I call them power fists. You can wear Heavy Armor regardless of its Strength requirement (which is good because your Strength is poo poo garbage) as it merges with your body and can’t be removed against your will.

You can choose between two different models of Power Armor and the Guardian armor will give you a dragon punch! Your fists count as Thunder Gauntlets and do a d8 thunder damage on hit, and causes enemies you hit to have disadvantage on attacks against targets other than you until the start of your next turn. You can also create a Defensive Field as a Bonus Action to get a number of temporary hitpoints equal to your level in Artificer: remember that blocking is as good as attacking!

IF UA ISN’T ALLOWED: This build honestly works fine with Battle Smith instead of Armorer since all we really need is the ability to use Intelligence to attack. We have enough Dexterity for you to wear Medium armor instead of using the Battle Smith’s Heavy Armor. The only reason for the Armorer multiclass is that I wanted punching gauntlets instead of a robot dog.

If you’re going to play Battle Smith instead take a bludgeoning weapon (IE a flail, warhammer, or maul) and flavor them as your punchy gauntlet. A maul does more damage but can’t be used with a shield, so it’s a great option if you want harder hits but less defense.

You can also cast your Artificer spells through the Power Armor, which is neat since Armorers get the Magic Missile and Shield spells innately.

LEVEL 5 - ARTIFICER 4

Taking level 4 in Artificer for an Ability Score Improvement, or rather the Linquist Feat to be able to gather information no matter what part of the world you’re in. Along with a plus one to your Intelligence score you learn three languages of your choice (pick whatever you think will be useful) and can write ciphers. A creature can only decode your messages if you teach them the code or if they succeed an Intelligence check equal to your Intelligence plus your proficiency bonus, so Scythana won’t be reading your research papers.

With the increase to Intelligence and the level up you can prepare two more Artificer spells: Feather Fall is useful to stop you from having a ground-bounce so your opponent can extend their combo, and Farie Fire can open up an enemy for a high hit if they’re blocking low.

LEVEL 6 - ARTIFICER 5

Ah screw it may as well take another level in Armorer to get your Extra Attack already. You can punch twice now in a combo: woo hoo!

You can also cast second level Artificer spells now: Armorers can innately cast Mirror Image and Shatter, and you can prepare second level spells from the Artificer list which I’ll discuss later.

LEVEL 7 - FIGHTER 2

Bouncing back to Fighter now; level 2 Fighters get Action Surge, letting them take one additional action in combat once per short rest. Extend that combo with some time stop! WRYYYYYYYYYYY!

LEVEL 8 - FIGHTER 3

Third level Fighters get to choose their Martial Archetype and woo boys there it is: Echo Knight! Echo Knights can Manifest Echoes of themselves from the future as a bonus action. You can put a single echo down 15 feet away from you which lasts until its destroyed, you dismiss it, you make another echo, or you’re incapacitated and unable to send yourself into the past.

The echo has an AC of 14 plus your proficiency bonus, 1 hit point (don’t worry you won’t feel it if your future self gets hit... which presents some weird paradox problems), and immunity to all conditions. If it has to make a saving throw it uses your saving throw bonus for the roll. It’s the same size as you and occupies a space. On your turn you can make the echo to move up to 30 feet in any direction without using an action but if your echo is more than 30 feet from you at the end of your turn it is destroyed.

You have several things you can do with your echo:

You can swap places with your echo with 15 feet of your movement, regardless of the distance between the two of you. Clearly it’s just you time traveling to where your future self is.

Any attack you make with that action can originate from the echo’s space if you choose to do so.

When a creature that you can see within 5 feet of your echo moves away from it, you can use your reaction to make an opportunity attack against that creature as if you were in the echo’s space.

You can use Unleash Incarnation to make one additional attack from your Echo’s location when you take the attack action, adding up to 3 attacks total. You can use Unleash Incarnation a number of times equal to your Constitution modifier.

LEVEL 9 - FIGHTER 4

Talk about a lot from one level huhn? Well all you’re getting from this level is +2 to your Intelligence with an Ability Score Improvement.

(Artwork by Pantalewns on DeviantArt)

LEVEL 10 - ARTIFICER 6

May as well grab level 6 in Artificer now for more Infusions! A Radiant Weapon attachment on your gauntlets will let you use them as a flashlight which can blind enemies that hit you! A Repulsion Shield meanwhile will let you push block an enemy that attacks you. Both these items take your reaction yes, and you have Shield for Reactions as well. But remember that these are just suggestions and you’re more than welcome to build other Infusions that will help your party.

You can also prepare a lot more spells now: two total with your levels and your Intelligence, but I will be suggesting 3 since we’ll get one more spell from an Intelligence increase later on and you’re a prepared spellcaster anyways so you can swap out your spells whenever.

Enhance Ability will let you provide an assist outside of combat, aiding your allies with checks and providing them other boosts.

Heat Metal will let you put a DoT on your opponent while you fight: more of Valentine’s thing but it helps!

Magic Weapon will let you punch a little harder, turning your Radiant Fists from a +1 weapon to a +2!

I again need to reiterate that Artificers are prepared spellcasters, so remember to swap out your spells when you need them!

LEVEL 11 - WIZARD 1

Speaking of prepared spellcasters oh god it’s Wizard. Welcome to the first use of Wizard on this blog and don’t worry: we have a lot more Wizards coming after Wildemount, which scares me because I don’t play Wizards. Anyways Wizards get some more spellcasting: Mending will let you repair any chains your partner might break, and Message will let you chat with her privately. Finally Mage Hand will let your future self reach out and grab something for you in the moment. Did I just pick the three cantrips that were right beside each-other on the massive list of Wizard cantrips? Yes, but that doesn’t mean these spells aren’t good.

Sapping Sting is also worth a mention as a Dunamancy-specific cantrip that causes your opponent to trip! Remember: gay tripping is gay.

Speaking of spells you learn two Wizard spells whenever you level up, and can add more spells to your spellbook if you find them on a spell scroll. Regardless Wizards have a big list of spells they can learn so uhhhhh...

Fog Cloud is ideal for a getaway, letting Scythana kick up a cloud of dust to heavily obscure the area.

Tenser’s Floating Disk is perfect for any spelunker, as it lets you create a three foot diameter theonite disk to carry up to 500 pounds of artifacts you discover.

You also get Arcane Recovery, letting you recover a level 1 spell slot on a short rest. More uses of Shield; neato!

LEVEL 12 - WIZARD 2

Ultimately the reason for the Wizard multiclass was to get some more time manipulation powers from the Chronurgy Magic subclass from Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount. That’s right we’re using two Wildemount subclasses; rejoice Critters! Chronurgists have Temporal Awareness, letting them add their Intelligence modifier to their Initiative rolls which is nice because your Dexterity is only a +2, and this will bump Initiative to a +6.

You also get Chronal Shift: when you or a creature within 30 feet of you that you can see makes an attack roll, ability check, or saving throw, you can use your reaction to force the creature to reroll after you see whether the roll succeeds or fails. You can use this reaction twice per long rest, so don’t meddle with the timeline unless its absolutely neccessary!

You also learn two more 1st level Wizard spells at this level:

You should be able to afford a 50 gp diamond by this point, right? Well Chromatic Orb will let you shoot a more powerful fireball at an enemy for 3d8 damage... or an ice ball. Or an acid ball!

Gift of Alacrity is a Chronurgy-specific spell so you may as well take it, as you can speed up time for an ally and give them a d8 to their initiative. Just remember that the spell does take some time to cast!

Oh god Wizards are overwhelming. Remember: you can get more spells if you find them in scrolls, which is good because right now you can prepare more spells than you have. Also if you have the chance see if you can find a Spellshard instead of a spellbook, just to keep the Theonite shard themeing.

LEVEL 13 - FIGHTER 5

Good god Wizard never again. It’s just straight through Fighter now, though it’s not like Echo Knight is an easy class either. 5th level Fighters get an Extra Attack... that you already have.

LEVEL 14 - FIGHTER 6

6th level Fighters get an Ability Score Improvement: max out your Intelligence for maximum damage with your gauntlets and your spellcasting.

LEVEL 15 - FIGHTER 7

7th level Echo Knights get Echo Avatar. As an action you can see and hear through your echo instead of your own senses. During this time you are deafened and blinded and you can see through your echo for up to 10 minutes. You can end it at any time without using an action and you can be up to 1000 feet away from your echo while using this action. Clearly you were just there the whole time, and are telling your allies what you saw.

It should be mentioned that technically you can teleport up to 1000 feet while using this ability, making it great for infiltration. Just saying!

LEVEL 16 - FIGHTER 8

8th level Fighters get another Ability Score Improvement and we’re going to improve our Constitution so that we can get back up when a detective with tuba lungs does a JoJo impression on us.

LEVEL 17 - FIGHTER 9

Level 9 Fighters get Indomitable, letting them reroll a saving throw once per long rest. Reminder that you have two rerolls that you can use on anything with Chronal Shift, and now you have one saving throw you can reroll for yourself. Turn back the clock if you get hit because life isn’t worth wasting seconds.

LEVEL 18 - FIGHTER 10

Level 10 Echo Knights get Shadow Martyr. As a reaction you can cause your echo to teleport in front of an ally you see being attacked and make them take the blow instead. Your echo appears within 5 feet of the ally and the attack is directed towards them, and you can use this reaction once per short rest. Remember to spend the next turn going back in time to save your friend: and don’t get hit when you do!

LEVEL 19 - FIGHTER 11

Level 11 Fighters get an Extra Attack that actually goes above and beyond regular Extra Attacks, so now you have three attacks total! Rejoice!

LEVEL 20 - FIGHTER 12

The final level is the 12th level of Fighter for your last Ability Score Improvement and you’re going to want to increase Constitution again for a 20 health boost at the end of the build.

(Artwork by MagicBunnyArt on DeviantArt)

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Hang on to your hat - A good Constitution modifier and most of your levels in Fighter means a health bar that’s very close to 200, and you have a positive saving throw score in everything except for Charisma with the ability to reroll up to three failed saves.

I'm all there is of the most real - Have I ever mentioned that Artificer is dumb when it comes to AC? 21 AC with just chainmail and a shield being both improved, and up to 23 AC if you get your hands on Full Plate. Even if your DM doesn’t let you wear Heavy armor because “Armorer is OP” a Breastplate will still give you 21 AC if you also use a shield. (18 without a shield.)

Bad puppies! (Good puppies) - You are great no matter where the enemy is with three Thunder Gauntlet attacks in melee range, several spells to use at range, and your echoes to let you teleport around and effectively be in two places at once.

CONS

Smart Cookie - Even though you’re a professor you’re not the most talented. You know hella-lot about History and Arcana but your Perception is about average and your Athletics leaves something to be desired.

Push Block - You’ve got a few too many options in combat with four different Bonus Actions (one of which is one-time use and one of which is only used at the start of the fight to be fair) and Reactions for Shadow Martyr, Chronal Shift,  Vigilant Guardian, Opportunity Attacks from you or your Echo, and reactionary spells like Shield and Feather Fall. The problem with infinite timelines is that there’s infinite options to choose from.

Seconds count - A lot of your abilities have a limited number of uses, and while some of them (Second Wind, Shadow Martyr, Action Surge) come back on a short rest a lot more of them (Spell Slots, Chronal Shift, Vigilant Guardian, Arcane Recovery, Indomitable, Unleash Incarnation) only come back after a long rest.

But infinite foresight means you won’t be caught without a plan, even if you don’t have the Foresight spell. Throw a punch or ten at a zombie cat-girl and then tap out and rest up. And do get your partner out of jail: someone needs to carry your equipment.

(Artwork by Kitty-Katskratch on DeviantArt.)

[quirkless-and-embarrassed]

Sir Nighteye

Ok, I watched the anime and felt like doing another character meme!

Spoilers for Overhaul arc/season four of the anime.

Favorite thing about him:

I like that Nighteye didn’t allow his admiration of All Might to turn him into a pushover. Such adulation could have blinded him to All Might’s flaws, something Midoriya struggles with, but Nighteye stood firm, spoke his mind, and took action in accordance with what he believed. The way Nighteye willingly, gladly admits to being wrong (about Midoriya and All Might’s decision to fight fate) makes it clear that it wasn’t pride that drove Nighteye away from All Might, but actually principles and genuine concern/panic. Nighteye was happy to be wrong, even though it meant that his failures to change the future were true failures and not simply something out of his control. Knowing this enabled Nighteye to let go of his underlying fear that his quirk didn’t just see the future, it set the future in stone, and he’s able to die peacefully after giving All Might and Midoriya his full, unconditional approval, and after internally apologizing to Mirio for seeing him as a vessel before realizing the error of his ways.

Nighteye presumably awakened his quirk when was four or five, and he was thirty-eight when he died. That’s thirty-four years—he could have used his quirk easily thousands of times, maybe more than ten-thousand—and never once has the future significantly deviated from what he saw. Essentially, his quirk’s been the daily Word Of God since he was five years old. It’s easy for Midoriya or Rock Lock to say, bring it on, I can smash fate; for Nighteye, who has actually tried, it’s a completely different ballgame. He knows what it MEANS to try to change to fate, but he’s determined to try anyways.

I like the balance Nighteye strikes between fierce idealism and calculated realism. Yeah, the narrative often criticizes realism for not being plus ultra, but it’s a quality I like. Nighteye wanted to carefully plan Eri’s rescue and Overhaul’s arrest, but his caution didn’t make him any less committed or passionate, or any less admirable than anyone who would have (tried to) saved her immediately (it’s not like Overhaul would let anyone walk away with her).

I like his hero name. The Sir invokes the honor of a knight, All Might’s vassal, the “eye” is obvious, and “night” because he can see in the “dark”: the future is clear to him. Plus, I like the night/knight pun.

I also like just how gangly, angular, and weird he looks. He has some quality body language with the angle of his head.

Least favorite thing about him:

His stamps…his abs…come on. He doesn’t need to a fantastic fighter. His stamps are a funny weapon to be sure, but it irritates me that they’re as strong as they are. It’s ridiculous that Nighteye could cartoonishly hurl Rappa the way he did, and it was stupid to tear his shirt to show off how ripped he was. I felt like Horikoshi was trying to show us that Nighteye meets the standards of a conventional hero, when he could be just as much of a hero using his brain. At the most, someone like Nighteye, who emphasizes logic and excels at predicting opponents’ next moves, should be carrying a gun like the police.

The tickle machine. Eughh. I could barf at how much I hate it.

It’s also frustrating that Nighteye completely wrote Midoriya off as a “quirkless middle-schooler” who could never become the Symbol of Peace and actively undermined All Might even now that he was finally raising a successor. I can at least respect how upfront he is about it: Midoriya knows what he’s getting into by the time he submits his work study application to UA. But even without that, Nighteye doesn’t trouble me as much as he did the first time I read the manga because 1) I figure Nighteye saw Midoriya when he foresaw All Might’s doomed future, because Midoriya is such a big part of his life that of course Nighteye saw him, 2) Nighteye is aware that they’re working on an extremely tight timeline: All Might is due to die within the next year or two, so picking a baby successor who’s going to need tons of hands-on guidance is a bad move, and 3) Nighteye paid the price for his “quirkless” comment when Mirio lost his quirk, and, despite what he said, it was clear that he didn’t love Mirio less, or respect him less as a hero, because of it.

I like that Nighteye appreciates humor, but his final speech about laughter and smiling, combined with Mirio’s determinedly positive reaction, makes me think that he may not have taught Mirio that it’s okay to be sad, that you don’t need to always smile. That would be a disappointing failure on Nighteye’s part, since the overwhelming pressure All Might feels to be positive+proactive is part of what made him unable to accept Nighteye’s criticism. It also fits with how Nighteye’s inner monologues tend to be more sympathetic than his actual dialogue, so maybe Nighteye should have tried to be less didactic and tell Mirio that he has been Nighteye’s pride and joy, instead of thinking that and giving Mirio a last speech on the importance of smiles and humor. I think he would have been a better teacher if he’d allowed himself to be more sentimental.

Favorite line:

My absolute favorite is in ch137, as he observes Mirio’s guilt from letting Overhaul retrieve Eri and bring her back to his headquarters. Nighteye thinks:

I can’t say whether or not the future can be changed. But we can change the past. How we view the past and interpret it. That much is possible.

It’s an important life lesson, and I like how he inverts the typical, “the past can’t be changed, but you can control the future so that’s what matters” perspective.

I also like it in ch130, when Nighteye berates-slash-comforts Midoriya, who regrets allowing Overhaul take Eri back: “Enough of that arrogant thinking! Haste makes waste. Go after him haphazardly, and he’ll slip through our fingers. You’re not quite so special as to save whom you want, when you want.” Then he elaborates on their plan and finishes with a bang: “The world is not so accommodating that you can act the hero because you feel like it. The cleverest villains out there lurk in the shadows. There will be times when every precaution must be taken.”

One more, in ch161. When he’s on his deathbed, Nighteye looks at Mirio and thinks, In the beginning…I only brought you in as a potential vessel, but you stuck by me, believed in me, and at some point…you became my pride and joy.

BROTP:

Him and Mirio. I love how Nighteye took Mirio under his wing in a half-logical way, viewing him as All Might’s proper successor, only to accidentally raise Mirio as his own successor.

I wish we got to see Nighteye and Aizawa interact more. They’re both the rational mentors who get attached to their kids. It would have been nice to see Aizawa talk to Nighteye about his problem child or about Mirio, or to help Midoriya navigate his relationship with Nighteye, but since Aizawa doesn’t know about OfA and Nighteye was on his way out anyways…oh well.

I’d also love to have seen Nighteye and Hawks interact. They’re connected on a meta level, as the unofficial righthand men of the #1 heroes, and also by the idea of fate. Nighteye’s arc centered on the fact he could see the future, and the future he saw could not be changed. Hawks may or may not know it, but the imagery surrounding him is unmistakeable, and we the readers know that some sort of doom is waiting for the man who goes too fast. Whether Hawks can defy fate or if he’ll be crushed by it remains to be seen (and, like Nighteye, he’s not looking promising).

Hawks takes one look at Nighteye—perfectly pressed suit, pinched, no-nonsense expression and all—and is like oh this guy looks like he’s gonna be fun. Nighteye looks even more tightly wound than Endeavor. But actually, Nighteye actually respects and appreciates Hawks’s cavalier attitude! And though they rarely see each other, since they live far apart, they become friends who mainly swap information and keep each other up to date on villain things. Occasionally Hawks will see something ridiculous, like a meme or something, and send it to Nighteye, and Nighteye follows Hawks on social media and sometimes likes his stuff.

It’d be especially interesting to see them disagree about All Might. Nighteye is such a hardcore fanboy, Hawks professes to not be a fan, the Symbol of Peace is such an important part of how Nighteye envisions the future, and it’d be interesting to hear Hawks’s perspective on the Symbol of Peace and where it fits into his vision of the future.

I also appreciate Nighteye and All Might’s relationship, but like…idk, they got so little time together in canon, I kinda prefer to think of it as a dead brotp. Even if Nighteye had survived, I would kinda want his relationship with All Might not to be very close, because even though they weren’t angry anymore didn’t mean they could pick up where they left off.

OTP:

Hmm…not really anyone. I haven’t read much Nighteye fic. There is this one touching soulmate AU where he and All Might both bear the black symbol of someone who has been rejected by their soulmate…here.

NOTP:

No, not really.

Random headcanon:

One of the reasons he reacted so harshly to Midoriya as All Might’s successor is that when he foresaw All Might’s death, he also saw Midoriya. Midoriya’s failure to protect All Might from his gruesome death revealed him as an unfit successor, and he believes if he can remove Midoriya from the equation, then he will have changed the future.

Nighteye helped All Might track down AfO to avenge Nana, and he felt partially responsible for All Might’s injury in addition to fearing that his quirk set All Might’s future in stone.

Nighteye used his quirk on All Might between surgeries, because he couldn’t stand not knowing whether All Might would survive his wounds from AfO or not. He should have stopped when he saw All Might survived, but—he’s such a fanboy, and he saw that future!him was terrified and arguing with All Might about something, and he knew immediately just from the expression on his own face that he’d foreseen All Might’s death. He couldn’t resist looking ahead to find it and learn how much time All Might had left.

…part of me thinks that the reason Nighteye’s foresight was wrong about Midoriya’s death was because Eri also has a time-related quirk, and there was nothing Midoriya really did to change fate. Which would be sad, but. Yeah.

I’d like to think that Nighteye had a really wacky, judgmental cat with a questionably funny name. It sat on top of the fridge and looked down on him when he came home late. After his death, it becomes his agency’s cat and harbors a dangerous grudge against Bubble Girl’s aromatic bubbles.

Unpopular opinion:

It seems like plenty of people dislike him, so…I like him? He’s not even close to one of my favorites, but still.

Even though I like him, I was surprised to discover he was dead—I forgot he died, so I guess his death scene didn’t leave an impression on me. Looking back on it, I think it’s a nice enough scene, but at the time I was probably too exasperated by the overhaul arc as a whole to care much.

idk, I don’t see people talk about him much.

Song I associate with him:

uh…um…well……there isn’t really any music I associate with him. Here are a few songs that are very loose associations, I guess.

Darkside of the Sun by Tokio Hotel reminds me of how All Might’s public persona has taken over his identity, and Nighteye is seeking to save his life by retiring his persona.

Carry Me Down by Demon Hunter has the line “I know the pain inside my heart / can’t break the fear inside of yours,” which reminds me of Nighteye’s grief can’t persuade All Might to confront the reality of his imminent death, plus other stuff in the song about unspoken regrets and death.

And last, Turns to Dust by Sound Surfer and Nilka reminds me of Shigaraki (for obvious reasons), but I think it also speaks to Nighteye’s fear of his quirk.

Favorite picture of him:

Ch126 – Nighteye’s glare when Midoriya mimics All Might’s smile! He sure is intimidating 😂

Episode 75 – This moment did nothing for me in the manga, but it was genuinely moving in the anime. The voice acting and music <3 

I’ve also done Todoroki, Bakugo, Uraraka, Endeavor, Amajiki, and Shinsou!

[harryandmolly]

Change of Pace - 17 (Summer 2019)

cowritten by @achinglyshawn

summary: Shawn and Maya meet again 10 years after life got in the way of love

warnings: language, angst

wc: 5.5k

-----------

The piano looks finished. To any passerby on the street, it looks fit to take home today. 

Shawn doesn’t think so. He’s only got one coat of gloss on it, and he’s been meaning to do another. There’re also corners and crevices underneath that he couldn’t get into with his bigger brushes. He wants to get down there and take care of those, too. 

Maybe he’s hiding. 

Maybe he’s trying to remind himself of the life he had before Maya came back. Quiet. Focused. 

He doesn’t let himself remember how lonely he felt. 

Right now, he thinks he likes being alone. He thinks. 

He likes to think. 

He hums as he thinks, picking up the near-empty can of lacquer and a couple of finer brushes. They almost feel too small. He knows they’re the best for getting the job done. 

Shawn kneels down, then lies on his back and slides himself under the piano. It’s not the most comfortable way to work, but he finds solace in the familiarity. 

He’s got a bad habit of doing that. 

Again, Maya wakes up jonesing for a brush. She binge painted yesterday, too, and, really, has been since their fight. Or her fight. He walked away. He didn’t stay and fight.

So she’s been painting. Actually, she’s been painting so much that her hands hurt, painting so much that she’s out of paint.

She’s also covered in the stuff. She smells like it, she looks like it. She is becoming paint.

Being paint is better than being lonely. God, she’s so fucking lonely.

She’s wandering the aisles of the boardwalk art store, trailing her sore, paint-spattered fingertips along a row of beautiful oil paints that she can definitely afford but is not sure she needs. The problem is, the only thing left that she needs is him. Trying to fill the void he leaves with paint isn’t going to fucking work.

It’s not, it’s just… not.

Maya’s eyes lift. She cannot let this happen again. It’s not just about her now -- his actions are affecting them both, making them both miserable on principle. Sure, she deserves to be punished for lying to him. But she can do that all on her own. Sure, she deserves to be made to earn back his trust. But she can’t if he doesn’t let her.

Maya trips over her worn-out flip flops on her way out the shop door. In her old paint shirt, which was one of his old dress shirts, with her hair held on top of her head by chopsticks, she powerwalks down the boardwalk probably earning many strange looks but she doesn’t care. 

She busts through the door of Shawn’s shop. It’s silent. She blinks. Is he even here?

She smells lacquer. He’s here.

With a huff, she marches forward, swings around the counter as she hears him start to chirp out his cheery little “be right there!” but it’s too late because she’s already there, walking into the back room with flushed cheeks.

“We need to talk. Please.”

He almost hits his head. 

His hand catches one wet strut so his face doesn’t collide with the piano’s dangerous sharp underbelly. He’s frozen for a second, every muscle in his body tensed as his heart beats so quickly it’s practically stopped. 

What the hell is she doing here?

He thought he’d made a fair enough ass of himself that she’d stay away. 

Shawn thinks he has every right in the world to be pissed at her, but he ran away from the fight. Like a fucking coward. Why would she chase after a goddamn coward?

He clenches his jaw and curls his fingers around the edge of the strut, holding on to push himself out from under the piano. His eyes close as he stands, facing away from her. Shawn takes a beat, then opens his eyes and turns towards her, face schooled into a neutral expression.

Maya winces, realizing her brash busting into his work studio was a potentially dangerous idea. She watches him climb out from under the piano and resists the urge to hurry over and help him.

He unfolds his beautiful body away from her. Her heart stomps up into her throat. He turns. 

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” he says, because it sounds like a somewhat mature thing to say. 

Or maybe it’s just the least childish way of stomping his foot and yelling NO. 

Maya blinks and folds her arms over her chest. She had herself half convinced, like an idiot, that he’d fall all over her the second she walked in. She knew better, she did. But hope is dangerous.

“I could tell by the way you ran out on me a few days ago and never came back,” she says dryly, knowing he’ll catch the edge in her voice.

She takes a deep, steadying breath and says words that scare her. “I’m not going to let you run away again.”

Maya never lets him get away with his bullshit. This time isn’t any different. She has no patience, but that just makes him want to stew in his tantrum even more, just because he can. 

Because she showed up here. And he didn’t know if she would. 

He didn’t think he was, like, testing her or anything. But now-- well, maybe he was. He’s such a fucking dick. 

He needs to call his therapist. 

He focuses on wiping gloss from the tip of his brush and onto the work rag over his forearm. He can’t look at her, or he’ll want to kiss her. He knows himself. A few days without her and he’s nearly jonesing for it. 

But he doesn’t think he deserves it. He’s not sure either of them do. 

“So now you know what it feels like, eh?” he says with a quirk of his brow, turning away from her to reach for a clean rag to shine down the lid of his piano. 

Maya narrows her eyes as he turns away from her. He’s being petulant. She has to try not to follow him down that path because it won’t be helpful. Plus, she was petulant last time when he was trying to convince her to stay with him. It’s her turn.

“Is that what you wanted?” she murmurs, lowering her gaze to his shoes, “Did you want to punish me? Give me a taste of my own medicine?”

She doesn’t sound in the mood for a fight. She sounds sad, like she didn’t think he was capable of being so mean spirited. 

He didn’t think he was capable of it either. Guilt twists his gut, his eyes falling shut as he takes  in a steadying breath.  

Guilty or not, he’s still-- He’s fucking hurt. She hurt him. For some reason, the lying hurts worse than when she left him for New York. It hurt when she left, but at least she didn’t lie about it. 

“I don’t know,” he says, and it’s harsher than he intended. He digs the palm of his hand into the piano through the rag, jaw clenching. 

“No-- Not intentionally, anyway. But I can’t-- I don’t know how to fucking look at you right now.” 

Maya continues staring at his shoes because she doesn’t like the tone of his voice so she figures she won’t like the look on his face either. She wets her lips and nods. 

“I… understand that. I think I deserve that. We used to be able to trust each other with anything. And…”

She trails off and sniffles. The gap between them has never felt larger, not even on that first day at the farmers market. She toes at a pile of sawdust on the floor. 

“The thing is, I can’t fix this unless you let me. I can’t fix it until you try to let me back in. Running away doesn’t get us anywhere, don’t you see that?”

He feels small. Like a child being scolded by his mother. But it’s probably what he deserves. He acted like a child. 

But he also feels...

Used. 

Useless. 

He doesn’t know what he feels. 

But he does know that she’s right. He’s just scared of it. Scared of fucking trusting her again, and maybe that’s why he’s so mad at her. Because he trusted her more than anyone, and she threw that away. Over and over again, each time she decided to lie, she threw it away like she throws herself into the ocean. 

“I’m not--” he clears his throat, “I’m not stupid.” 

His gaze lifts from the piano, and he looks at her for the first time since she walked in. She’s covered in paint and for a brief moment, he lets himself wonder what she’s been painting these last few days, and if she’d ever consider showing him. 

It’s the first hopeful thought he’s had in days. 

The rumble in his throat feels like an earthquake to Maya. It nearly knocks her over. She runs a hand up the rumpled fabric of her shirt to rub at the side of her neck, hoping just to stay upright. She needs to for her own sake and his -- she doesn’t want to guilt him into this by looking pathetic. He has to want it for himself.

So she can’t go to pieces even if she can feel herself breaking apart right now, standing right in front of him.

He swallows, curling his fingers into the rag in his hand. 

“But I don’t trust you, Maya. I-- I did, and then--” he pauses, squeezes his eyes shut, “And then things didn’t turn out so well for me. Both times.” 

He looks back at her and tries not to seem as devastated as he feels.

“I know you’re not stupid,” she rasps. She clears her own throat and shakes her head a little, “I think you’re the smartest, most intuitive person I know.”

“And I guess, to be fair, I’m not sure I trust myself anymore either. That’s a scary feeling. I never want you to feel that way, to feel unpredictable and out of control. I’ve been thinking the last few days about why,” She chokes on the words, gasps a little for breath but refuses to break, “Why I act this way, why I’ve treated you like this.

“I think it’s because I don’t know myself anymore. And how could I expect you to love me and trust me if I don’t know who I am?”

She sounds… broken. Or like, she thinks she’s broken and she doesn’t know what to do about it. He hates hearing it in her voice. He can tell she’s close to crying, because this is always how her voice sounds when she’s about to cry. 

It’s like he knows her so well, and still not at all. 

This, Shawn thinks, is the emotional equivalent of navigating a tightrope, but without that long bar thing they hold for balance. 

One wrong touch of his toe and he’ll fall.

She gives him another excuse, another non-reason for the gut-wrenching divide between them. 

He shakes his head, jaw clenched. He’s frustrated now. 

“No. No, Maya, that’s bullshit too. That’s not why I don’t trust you. You lied to me,” he tries not to shout, “And we-- that’s never happened before. Not with us.” 

He remains bullheaded and righteous and it makes her want to scream. She wanted to stay calm, but that feels off the table now. 

“Shawn! Are you… I mean, god, do you want to keep yelling? Because I’m trying right now. I’m trying to talk to you and it doesn’t feel like you want to hear any of this. If you don’t, if you really don’t want this, tell me now. Because I want to fight for you, but if you just want to fight with me, let me know now, please, so--”

So what? She thinks to herself, So you can leave him alone?

She lifts the heels of her hands to her eyes and presses in like it’ll push the tears back in her head. She releases a shaky breath.

“Tell me now so I can shut up and take it. Because I’m not fucking going anywhere.”

She’s just as stubborn as he is. He always loved her for it. He still does love her for it. He loves her for everything that she is. But he’s thrown up haphazard walls around his heart that make it hard for him to remember that, right now. 

“I don’t know. Maya, I don’t fucking know!” He shoves the rag across the piano, pushing himself away from the large instrument as he tangles his fingers in his hair. “This has never happened before! I’ve never-- I haven’t been scared of you before. Not like this.” 

He feels tears of frustration prick his eyes. He shakes his head.

He wishes they could just go back to before. 

“Just give me a real reason, Lu. Tell me why you really lied to me.” 

Maya closes her eyes after watching the rag slide across the lid of the magnificent piano, the one she barely noticed when she walked in the room. She needs to sit or lie down or hit something.

She slumps into the wall behind her and relishes in the feeling of not having to hold herself up for a minute. She rakes a hand through her hair and sniffles again.

“You know… what the really scary thing is?” She shivers just thinking about it. She shakes her head with a chuckle.

“When I said it, I didn’t feel like I was lying to you. I felt like I was lying to a stranger.”

Her voice skips out at the end of the last word. She pushes a watery exhale out her pursed lips. She will not fucking cry.

He recoils, like he’s been burned. His fingers tighten in his hair. She’s not wrong. 

“For weeks after I quit my job, everyone I ran into, every casual acquaintance, anyone who asked me my summer plans, that’s what I told them. I told them I was coming back at the end of the summer. It became my default instead of dealing with explaining my very personal self-destruction over the last decade. When I saw you, that’s what came out. You know why? Because you’re a stranger, Shawn. You don’t know me anymore. You don’t know what I put myself through. You don’t know the movies I would put on at night just to get my brain to shut up long enough to put myself to sleep. You don’t know how many times I couldn’t answer the phone when my mother called because I knew when I heard her voice I’d burst into tears.

“And I don’t know you! You got married and divorced and I don’t have a fucking clue why. We’re strangers, Shawn. We’ve been playacting as 21-year-olds all fucking summer for our own reasons and ignoring it, but that’s the truth. We don’t know each other.”

As he listens, Shawn feels his heart slowly begin to crack, sharp and clean like the fault lines that cracked through Pangea. 

His hands fall from his hair while she yells. He pushes the heels of his palms against his eyes, trying to ignore the sick sensation of regret that floods his gut. 

The thought, you still didn’t have to lie, flickers in the back of his mind but it feels weak. She didn’t lie to Shawn, her boyfriend from college. She lied to Shawn, the guy who plays guitar at a local farmer’s market she’d never been to before. 

Just some guy she didn’t know from Adam. 

He guesses he can’t really blame her for that.

“Then— then why are you here?” he croaks, hands falling miserably from his face as he looks at her again. “If we— we’re strangers, then why does it even matter? Why do you even care?” 

He hates the words coming from his mouth, doesn’t even know how he manages to say something so damning. 

But he has to know. 

If she really feels like that, then why does she want to fight for him so badly? 

She can see and feel him listening now. Saying it out loud was the hard thing, but they both heard it, they’re both listening. Their eyes are open. The curtain of their summer performance stage has dropped. They’re alone, without the safety of the roles they played. They’re the adult versions of Shawn and Maya, broken and jaded and hurt and proud and foolish.

“I think I care the same reason that you do. Despite everything, despite our mutual bullshit, we have something special. It’s not easy like it was when we were fresh out of college, but there’s something about it. I know there is. I guess I can’t speak for you, but I put my personal life in a box and didn’t touch it for a very long time. Being with you this summer is the first time I’ve felt something that made me want to open up again. And that scared me, so I held onto the lie until I couldn’t physically keep it in anymore. That’s why I’m here. Why are you here?”

He doesn’t know what to say. 

Because he loves her? Because he’s always loved her? He doesn’t even know if that’s true. Maybe he’s just been in love with the idea of her. 

Maybe he’s in love with being in love. With not feeling quite so lonely anymore. 

He feels like shit for putting that on her. It’s not at all fair. 

“I think,” he says as he sucks in a sharp breath, pressing his fingertips over his eyes, “I think I’m addicted to you. Everything about you, Maya, it’s all— exactly the same and completely different and I guess— I didn’t know what to do with that.” 

He fingers drop from his eyes. He cups the back of his neck instead. 

“So I— I latched onto nostalgia. Onto the the stuff I knew. The easy stuff. The stuff that made me feel so fucking good before. You always made me feel so good. Being with you was like— it’s nothing I’ve ever felt before.

“And then you— you lied to me and it was the first time I really had to, you know, had to confront all this— this time and space between us. All the things I don’t know about you— I hate it. I hated that you reminded me of it.” 

The way he explains it makes sense to Maya. With his perspective, she can see more clearly now how they both got so lost in this summer. There’s still a lot to understand and a lot to learn. She knows they can both see that now. It’s daunting, but it’s still better.

“It sounds like we both needed to pretend we were ok with pretending,” Maya whispers.

She pushes off the wall gently now that she feels like she can hold herself up again. She doesn’t come closer to him, not yet at least. She nibbles on her lower lip in thought.

She draws her eyes up to his and feels her skin sizzle. “We can fix this if we want to. We can be adults about it. We can spend time together, real time. And real time apart, too. I think we both need that. We can talk. We can take it slow.”

She almost chuckles. Whatever Maya and Shawn have ever been to each other, it was never slow. 

“You don’t have to do that,” he murmurs, gaze dropping to the piano. It sounds like she’s being nice. Placating him maybe, because she feels like she hurt him so she has to fix it. He doesn’t want her to feel that way. He doesn’t want her to want something with him just because they spent the summer being idiots. 

He slides his fingertips across the shiny black surface of the piano. 

“You don’t have to be with me just because I’m the only person here you know. This— you deserve a fresh start. And I’m not— I ruined that. For us.”

Maya’s shoulders sink. She sighs heavily. 

“Honey, why would I be here fighting for you like this if I didn’t want you? Why would I bother?”

She does take a step toward him now because it feels like he might need to feel her a little closer. She’s careful about it, though, taking her time to tuck her hands behind her back and skim the floor with the soles of her battered flip flops.

“You know what I deserve, Shawn? I deserve something real. Something I work hard to build with someone I trust and respect and care for. You didn’t ruin anything any more than I did. I’m not doing you any favors. I’m just trying to follow my heart for the first time in my adult life.”

He doesn’t know why he’s arguing. This is what he’s wanted all along. For her to tell him she’s here, in Avila for good, and she wants him. Wants to make it work. 

It feels too good to be true. 

“I think,” he has to clear his aching throat again, “I think you deserve that too, Lemon.” He smiles at her, but it’s weak. Timid at best.  “But it doesn’t have to be with me. I’m just... I’m familiar. Don’t take the easy way out.” 

Even just hours ago you couldn’t have paid Shawn to guess he’d try to pull away from Maya, were she to come here with her heart in her hands for him. 

But all that she’s said, the realizations he’s had about this summer— everything’s different now. 

“I— I want you so much, Maya. Too much, probably. And I don’t think that’s fair to you anymore. It’s not fair for you to be with me while I’m still kind of fucked up.” 

Maya’s heart squeezes hard. She takes another step in and holds her hands out to her sides, gesturing around them.

“Does this look like the easy way to you? This is the hardest it’s ever been for me with someone. I’m not doing this thinking it’s not worth it, that you’re not worth it. And I swear to god, if you think you’re the only person in the room who’s fucked up, then you haven’t been listening at all.”

She’s quiet, contemplative for a minute before she speaks again. “I’m not going to promise you anything right now. I think we both know better. You know better than me that sometimes those promises, as genuinely as they start out, don’t end well. You and Leah learned that together. All I’m saying is I want us to try. Trying is worth it to me.”

Guilt creeps in. He barely said anything about his ex-marriage the entire summer. He doesn’t know how to talk about it. He feels like a complete failure because of it. The divorce was his fault, after all.

Shawn falls forward into the piano, bracing himself on his forearms. He hangs his head, sawdust-saturated curls flopping forward. 

“That was all me,” he chokes, shoulders hunching. “Leah was… great. She kept all of her promises. It— I was the one who couldn’t.

“I was, er, I had this fantasy. This grand idea of what— what marriage and love was supposed to feel like. And then it just. Didn’t. It wasn’t anything like I’d expected it to be. And I just. I ruined it. I broke Leah’s heart and I came here and made guitars.” 

He almost laughs at himself. He looks back up at her. 

“I don’t want to do that to you. It… it was safe before. When you were leaving. I could have you and I couldn’t— I didn’t think I would hurt you.” 

Maya listens curiously as he takes his turn to open up a bit. He doesn’t go into great detail, but he gives her more puzzle pieces than he has all summer. She fits them into place in her head and it only helps her to see how many more she’s missing.

Maya doesn’t bother to point out that she has some insight to what he’s describing, that she knows a thing or two about promising forever to someone and running away with it instead. She hates seeing him like this, torturing himself with memories of inflicted pain, years of loneliness. She wants to cuddle him on her chest and run her fingers through his hair. She curls hers into fists at her sides and nods along.

“I know you’re scared. I am too. I think… I think it’ll be less scary if we do things differently. Before, both times, we stepped on the gas and went from 0 to 100 immediately. We don’t have to do that. I don’t want that again. It’s not real that way. I’m not going to use your marriage against you, Shawn. That wasn’t us. That doesn’t have to be us.”

Her fingers curl into her palms like they do when she’s trying not to touch him. His heart flutters in his chest. Shawn pushes himself up on his hands, wetting his lips as he thinks. 

She knows how to tempt him, certainly. But he’s not sure he’s finished punishing himself yet. 

First he was punishing himself because he thought she didn’t love him, didn’t trust him. Now he’s doing it because he’s afraid she does. Talk about whiplash. 

“Can we sit down?” He hears himself ask, his voice sounding a little desperate. He doesn’t think it’s an attractive sound, but he’s not sure he cares about being attractive to her anymore. It’s not about that. 

He croaks at her and her heart leaps into her throat in reaction to how not ok he sounds. She nods eagerly and turns to the couch, settling in the center with her hands in her lap, slightly turned toward him as he plants beside her.

Maya’s quiet for a few moments because he looks lost in his head. She’s working on her patience. She used to be very patient, a skill honed by years of artistic output that required it.

She lifts her eyes to him and back down again. She clears her throat and feels her hand twitch on her thigh.

“Can I-- uhm. Can… I hold your hand?”

She’s never felt more like a middle school boy than in this moment.

He smiles for the first time in 72 hours. They never had to ask to touch each other before. It’s sweet that she does now. And a little sad. His heart lurches. 

“Yeah, Lu, of— of course,” he tilts his head as he looks at her, flipping his hand over on his thigh in offering to her. 

Their fingers curl together and he feels the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. Her touch still affects him the way it always has. 

Some things, he thinks, won’t ever change. 

“It— it was you, Lu. I knew I couldn’t go on with Leah because… no matter how hard I tried, it never felt the way it did with you. The way I knew it should’ve. And I just— I realized I couldn’t force that. I thought… I don’t know. I thought trying was enough. It was too late by the time I figured out it wasn’t.” 

He sighs, falls back against the couch, head tipped towards the ceiling. 

“I told myself I wouldn’t be with anyone like that again, unless they made me feel like the way you used to. And then you— it was you. You showed up again and I guess I just thought. Great! A chance to feel that way again. Even if only for a bit.”

He rolls his head on the back of the couch and looks over at her. 

“That sounds pretty stupid, eh? I don’t know if I changed as much as you think. I think I’m still just— a dumb idiot 21-year-old. But in this almost middle-aged body.” 

Maya closes her eyes. 

“Shawn, that’s… that’s a lot to put on me. The idea that you could never really be happy with anyone else.” She rubs her thumb comfortingly against the back of his hand. It soothes her as well as him. 

“I know that—“ he snaps, then cuts himself off. He doesn’t want to snap at her. He doesn’t want to fight. He squeezes his eyes shut.

“I just. I knew what being really, fully, irrevocably in love felt like. I thought, well, why can’t I have that again? Why should I settle?” He feels selfish now. Maya’s gentle thumb on his knuckles is only a mild comfort. 

It’s so hard for her to imagine Shawn married to anyone but her. What is he like around other women? Did he put his arms around her while she cooked for them? Did he sing her to sleep? Did he call her ‘sugar’ too?

She doesn’t think he did but he probably called her something else. The thought is a little sickening.

Maya takes their hands, resting on his thigh, and moves them to her leg instead. Shawn watches her continue to stroke his gloss-stained skin. “You’ve always been a hopeless romantic. And that hasn’t always worked out in your favor.”

She’s starting to think she can’t convince him he’s allowed to be with her and be happy with her. He has to convince himself.

“I have an idea,” she murmurs, keeping her eyes on their hands, “What if… what if I go home and text you tomorrow. We can talk a little and if you want, we can plan something to do next week. Like… a date.”

He hates her idea. He wants to follow her home like a puppy and sleep curled around her like before. He tells himself to shut up. 

He lifts his head from the back of the couch. It really is a good idea, even if his gut hates it. And it’s much better than his plan to cut himself off from her cold turkey. And his second plan to forget she ever existed.

“Are you sure?” he asks, smashing his lips together. “I mean— yeah, that sounds like a good idea. A great, healthy, adult idea. If that’s what you want.” 

He timidly allows her an out from her own idea and she wants to cry. 

“I’m sure,” she tells him gently, reassuringly. She folds her other little hand around his. 

Maybe he can’t believe that this will work yet, but she can. Maybe he can’t be sure that she can be trustworthy again, but she can.

“We should do something stupid,” she offers with a chuckle that sounds unfamiliar in her wrecked throat, “Like mini golf or go-karting. Something lame and first date-y.”

It sounds good, low key, little pressure. They put enough pressure on themselves as it is.

“But I should let you get back to work, I guess. I was in the art store before I sprinted over here all of a sudden. I think it’s still open for a few minutes.”

He doesn’t want her to go. He’s just finding his way back to her. 

It’s probably the best time for her to go. 

“The uh— the go-karting place has an arcade with air hockey, so. We should do that.” 

He tries not to sound too eager for it. He tries not to let himself be eager at all. Slow, he tells himself. Go slow. 

Maya bobs her head. “Happy to kick your ass at air hockey any time.”

She grins and it’s still a little watery but it feels good. She feels good about this.

Shawn’s lips quirk. She really is so much better at air hockey than he is. He thinks it’s because she’s shorter and closer to the table. 

He sits up, hand still tangled with hers. He doesn’t pull away, yet. 

“Before you go— can,  eh, can I kiss you?” 

He doesn’t know if it’s allowed, but he needs something to settle his stomach. 

She’s getting ready to wipe her eyes and head out when he stops her in her tracks with his request. She guesses she should probably think about it more carefully, but she doesn’t because it’s all she wants right now.

“Yes please,” she answers politely with a little chuckle in her throat, sitting up straighter and trying not to feel like she’s 13 again waiting for Jake Haskell to lean in and slobber all over her.

She says please like he might change his mind if she’s not polite. His smile grows. 

He straightens up to match her, reaching his free hand to curl around the back of her neck. He leans in, thumb gliding along the shell of her ear. 

He can’t stop himself from sighing into her mouth when he finally kisses her. The dull, nagging ache that’s been haunting his gut for the last few days finally settles.

Even without the kiss, seeing his pretty smile again makes her feel so much better.

But the kiss itself is pretty great too. 

It’s sweet and gentle -- there’s no rush or fervor behind it, it’s just warm and settling. It stays chaste for as long as their lips touch. She lets her hand brush comfortingly up and down his bicep until she pulls away, releasing his lips with a slightly wet smack.

She giggles, squeezes his fingers and stands, stopping at the door of the workshop before she leaves.

“Bye, Shawn.”

----------

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